#my team is being inside out characters and I’m being anxiety

[dumbass-bisexual]

It’s Halloween and I’m an elementary school teacher so pray for me

[requiemforthepoets]

hii do you write for franco? if yes can i request a fic where reader is short and insecure about her height so she’s afraid their relationship won’t survive his “f1 career” cause of the lifestyle and all the girls he’s going to meet so despite really loving him she tries to breakup with him but he won’t let her?

tell me that you’re still mine, tell me that we’ll be just fine 𖦹 FC43

PAIRINGS: franco colapinto x female!reader

SUMMARY: when you found out that franco will be racing for williams racing, you were so proud of him. though at the back of your mind, you can’t help but overthink about your relationship with him now that he’s finally in f1.

AUTHOR’S NOTE: hi! thank you so much for sending your request. it’s my first time writing for franco, but i really had fun. i hope you’ll like this one and it’s up to what you were expecting. enjoy! :)

REMINDERS: this is purely fiction, the way how the character is portrayed in my story does not reflect the person that is portraying my character in real life. always separate fiction from reality, and do not repost or copy my work in any way.

WORD COUNT: 1.6k

WARNINGS: not proofread, typos, insecurities (mostly comparing self to others), cursing, low self esteem, overthinking, anxiety, and no use of y/n

As you stand in the Williams garage, you can clearly hear the hum of the whole circuit buzzing all around, and you can’t help but feel so proud. Franco had just achieved what he had been dreaming of since childhood—his first official race in Formula 1. It should have been one of the happiest moments of your life, watching him stand there, helmet in hand, chatting animatedly with the engineers, that wide grin plastered on his face. You knew how hard he worked for this, how many nights you spent listening to his dreams, encouraging him through the frustrations of karting, and celebrating every win, every milestone. You were there through it all, and here he was now—your Franco, living his dream.

However, alongside the pride that you were feeling, a bitter feeling also crept in. It had been lurking at the back of your mind for days now, only growing stronger with each passing moment. It was not about Franco’s career, but more about where you fit into his new world. The glitz and glamor, cameras that seemed to follow every move, the polished and perfect people that surrounded him—people you had never imagined yourself fitting in with.

Lily, Alex’s girlfriend, had been nothing but sweet to you all weekend. You bonded with her quickly, her kind words and warmth is a welcoming comfort amidst the chaos. Yet, as much as you liked her, being around someone so gorgeous and effortlessly poised had only made you feel even smaller. You weren’t tall or glamorous like her or the other WAGs, nor were you used to the attention, and you barely have a successful career. You were just…you. A university student trying to get by through her classes, someone who barely knew what to do when a camera pointed your way, and someone who couldn’t help but wonder if you were truly cut out for this kind of life.

When Franco finally made his way back to you, you could hardly breathe. He greeted you with that same wide smile and a soft tender kiss on the lips, his eyes still sparkling from the thrill of the race.

“Can you believe it?” He laughed, pulling you into a hug. “I can’t believe I just raced in F1. This is really insane.”

You smiled weakly, arms wrapped around him. Trying to steady your racing heart. “I’m so proud of you,” you murmured against his chest. But the words felt heavy, there was something you needed to say, something you dreaded.

After the media frenzy died down and the team began to clear out, you knew it was time. You asked Franco if the two of you can go to his driver’s room, away from the lights, cameras, and the noise. He nodded and led you towards his driver’s room, completely oblivious to the storm brewing inside of you.

When you reached his driver’s room, he locked the room to give you two some privacy. Franco quickly sensed that something was off with you, immediately frowning.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, as your hands shook as you fumbled with the words. “Franco…I don’t know if I can do this.”

“Do what?” His voice is gentle but confused.

“This. All of this.” You gestured around vaguely. “I don’t belong in this kind of world. I don’t look like the other girls in this kind environment, I don’t act like them. I just feel like…I’m not cut out for this, you know. For you.”

He blinked at you, and then—he laughed. A soft incredulous sound that only made your chest tighten. “You’re joking, right?” But you just shook your head, throat tightening painfully. “I’m serious, Franco.”

His smile faltered, eyes searching your face, and then he grew serious. “You’re breaking up with me?” He sounded like he couldn’t believe what he was hearing at all.

You bit your lip, feeling your resolve crack under the weight of his words. “I think I have to.”

Franco stepped closer, shaking his head in disbelief. “No. No way. Hell no. You’re not doing this.” He grabbed your hands, holding them tightly. “Tell me why. What’s really going on?”

You stared at the ground, unable to meet his eyes. How could you even tell him? How could you put into words the overwhelming insecurities that you had been drowning in.

“I’m not enough for this life, for your life,” you whispered, voice barely audible. “I’m just…me. You deserve someone who can handle all of this, someone who doesn’t feel like they are drowning every time the cameras turn their way. I’m scared that this will change us, that it will change you.”

Franco squeezed your hands tighter, forcing you to look at him. “You’re scared?” He asked softly. “Of what exactly? That I’ll stop loving you because I’m in F1 now?”

You nodded, chest tightening as tears began to fill your eyes. “I’m not like them, Franco. I don’t belong here.”

He pulled you into his arms, resting his chin on top of your head. “Listen to me, and you listen well,” he whispered. “You’ve been with me through everything, literally everything. Since my karting days. You’re the one I want with me, not some random model, not someone from this kind of environment. You.” He gently cupped your face, making sure that you were looking directly into his eyes. “I’m not breaking up with you. Not because of this, not because of anything. I love you so much. If this life makes you uncomfortable, we’ll figure it out. Together.”

You shook your head, still overwhelmed with doubts. “But I don’t know how to—”

“I don’t care,” he interrupted softly. “I don’t really care about any of that. All I care about is you. I’m not losing you just because you think that you’re not enough. You’ve always been more than enough for me.”

Tears finally spilled over, and Franco wiped them away with his thumb. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, okay?” He added.

You let out a choked laugh, burying your face in his chest. “Okay,” you whispered, feeling the weight of your fears slowly start to lift.

Franco kissed the top of your head as he kept you close, his voice soft but firm. “Look at me,” he said, lifting your chin so your eyes met his. “There’s no one else I see in my future but you. No one else who matters like you do. I don’t care about the noise or what other people say. Let them talk all they want, I don’t give a shit. You’re the most important person in my life.”

His words wrapped around you like a warm blanket chasing away the chill of insecurity. You couldn’t help the way your heart fluttered, how much you wanted to believe him. “But people will judge, Franco. They already are.”

Franco shook his head, brushing a strand of hair away from your face. “I don’t care about them. They don’t know you like I do. I’ve seen you at your best and your worst, and I’ve loved you through it all. That’s what matters, not their opinions.”

You bit your lip, trying to push away the lingering doubts. “It’s just I don’t want to hold you back. You deserve someone who—”

“I already have someone I deserve,” he cut you off, voice unwavering. “You’ve been there for me through everything, you believed in me when no one else did, even when I wasn’t sure I believed in myself. I’m not letting you go because of some stupid insecurities about fitting in with this world. I don’t need someone from this world. All I need is you.”

Tears welled in your eyes again, but this time they weren’t from doubt or fear. They were from the overwhelming love you felt at that moment. “You’re sure?” You whispered, voice trembling. “You’re really sure?”

Franco smiled, the kind of smile that made everything else melt away. “I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life. You’re my future, not them. Not anything else. Just you.”

As you stood there in his arms, you let yourself believe it. Because the way he looked at you, the way he spoke, it left no room for any doubts. You were the one he wanted, and that was enough.

After a long moment of silence, just feeling the comfort of being in his arms, you finally pulled back, wiping the last of your tears and giving him a small and sweet smile. The tension that had been weighing on you had lifted, already been replaced by the familiar warmth you always felt around Franco.

You wrinkled your nose playfully, trying to lighten the mood. “Okay, as sweet as this moment is, you really need to freshen up. You stink.” You teased, giving him a playful nudge.

Franco let out a laugh, the sound light and easy. “What? No way, I smell like pure victory,” he grinned, pulling you back into his arms, purposely trying to rub his post-race sweat on you.

“Franco!” You squealed, trying to push him away. “Ew, Franco! You’re all sweaty!”

He laughed harder, his arms tightening around you for a second before he finally let you go, raising his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright, I’ll go and freshen up,” he said, his grin still wide. “But don’t think I didn’t notice how you were crying on me. If anything, you owe me for that.”

You rolled your eyes but couldn’t help smiling. “Fine, fine. I’ll owe you. Just go clean up before I regret taking you back,” you teased, earning an exaggerated gasp from him.

Franco winked at you before heading off to freshen up, not forgetting to steal a kiss from you. “Don’t go anywhere, I’ve got plans for us to celebrate.” He threw a playful look over his shoulder.

You shook your head with a laugh, feeling lighter than you had in days. The doubts that once felt overwhelming now seemed small in comparison to the love you shared. Franco was right—together, you could figure out everything, just like how you both always do.

[monzabee]

T.G.I.F – cl16

Summary: The one where writing your thesis is harder than you think, but Charles is here to help you through all of it.

Pairing: charles leclerc x reader

Word Count: 1.5k

Warnings: stress and anxiety, having to make big life decisions, alcohol consumption and a lot of it, cursing, fluff!!

Request: “Hey Bee, I hope you’re having a lush weekend🥰 I’m not sure if you’re taking requests but I can’t stop thinking about Charles Leclerc with a super down to earth gf everyone loves. But maybe she’s got some things going on and deals with it by getting really wild when she’s drunk 🤷🏼‍♀️ thank you x” + “Hi! Would you be into writing a request for Charles, where the reader is going through some difficult time in life (could be mental health struggles, something work or "big life decisions" related, up to you), and he's being very supportive and understanding, offering help as well? ❤️”

Author’s Note: hi, hey, hello!! i thought these two requests went very well together and i wanted to give it a go! if you know me then you know i’m very slow at working through my requests, but rest assured i am working on them, thank you for bearing through my slow streak with me!! and of course i had to make it about academic validation/stress because i’m not gonna lie but this master’s thing is kicking my ass and i relate to the reader very much so, lol! i hope you guys enjoy! good morning, noon or night wherever you are, xoxobee

Please also note that all of my works are protected under copyright, and not available for reposting on other platforms.

Charles would not describe you as a high-strung person, not at all. If anything, you are one of the most down to earth people he’s ever met. He can’t even count all the times you’ve talked him down from a mental spiral, and given the position of his team this season, you’ve calmed him down from his stress many many times. So, imagine his surprise when the first thing he hears from his brother when he gets off his plane is that you are in the middle of a club in Monte Carlo, refusing to leave because you want to continue having fun. While he wouldn’t call you a homebody, Charles can admit that the two of you have spent more time at home instead of going out with your friends simply because of your shared love for quiet evenings and cosy nights in. It's not that you dislike socializing; it's just that both of you find joy in the simplicity of being together at home.

But now, as Charles rushes through the lively streets of Monte Carlo, he can't help but wonder what on earth has happened to have caused you to get so drunk. The sound of pulsating music grows louder as he approaches the entrance of the club. The bouncer gives him a sceptical look as Charles flashes his VIP pass, rushing inside with determination. The scene that unfolds before him is something out of character for you. Neon lights flash, and the beat of the music reverberates through the crowded space. People dance energetically, and laughter echoes against the walls. Charles spots you in the middle of the dance floor, surrounded by a group of new friends, moving to the rhythm as if the world outside this club doesn't exist, and Arthur – who is trying to reason with you to get you to leave.

Charles pushes through the crowd, feeling a mix of confusion and amusement. He finally reaches you, gently tapping your shoulder to get your attention. When you turn around, the surprise on your face is evident.

“Charlie!" you exclaim, a wide grin on your face as you prolong the end of the nickname you’ve given him, “I thought you weren’t going to be back for another week!”

He raises an eyebrow, a bemused smile playing on his lips as you proceed to wrap your arms around his neck and continue jumping up and down at the same time. Placing his hands on your either side of your hips, he attempts to calm down your movements, “Well, I wanted to come home earlier to surprise you, but imagine my surprise when I realised my girlfriend is not home.” He can’t help himself as his eyes give you a worried look as he does his best to refrain from fussing over you, “Are you okay?”

“I'm more than okay, Charlie! I'm having the time of my life. Join us!” You giggle, swaying a little on your feet.

He sighs, shaking his head. "I appreciate the enthusiasm, but Arthur looks like he's about to give up on trying to get you to leave. What's going on?"

You glance over at your brother and then back at Charles. “He's just being a worrywart. I'm perfectly fine. Besides, I made some new friends!”

Charles raises an eyebrow. "I can see that, mon ange, but shouldn’t we go back home since it’s so late?"

You nod excitedly, as you choose to ignore his question – as if you’re trying to evade talking about what’s bothering you, he realises. “They're great! We've been dancing and laughing. You should meet them!”

Charles takes a deep breath, realizing that trying to reason with you in your current state might be a bit challenging. “Alright, let me meet your new friends, and then we can talk about heading home, okay?”

You nod eagerly, dragging him into the circle of your newfound companions. Arthur shoots Charles a grateful look as if to say, good luck. And he can feel that he’ll need it in the situation. And as always, Charles is a perfect gentleman as he meets with the group of girls, who are as drunk as you. You try your best to convince him to stay for a few songs, but he gives you a pleading look, which you cannot deny, as he wraps an arm around you, guiding you toward the exit. You protest playfully, wanting the night to continue, but he manages to convince you with a promise of a cosy night in together.

The walk back home is filled with laughter and the occasional stumble from you, but Charles keeps a steady arm around you, ensuring you don't stray too far off course. He is careful with you, of course, as he tries to navigate through the dimmed streets of Monte Carlo. He takes a deep breath of relief once the two of you make it to your shared apartment, and you immediately let yourself fall onto the couch to lean against the cushions with a contented sigh, your playful demeanour still intact. Charles retrieves a glass of water for you, handing it over with a gentle smile.

“Thanks, Charlie,” you say, taking a sip and leaning back against the couch. Charles sits beside you, his gaze softening as he looks at you.

“You're welcome,” he replies, his fingers gently brushing through your hair. “Now, tell me what prompted this spontaneous night out. I thought you needed to submit the final draft for your thesis.”

The fact that your reaction is instantaneous makes Charles realise that he royally fucked up by mentioning your thesis. In hindsight, he should’ve known better to bring it up, because you have been stressing over the assignment for months. You pause mid-sip, a shadow crossing your face. Charles can almost see the weight of the unfinished thesis settling back on your shoulders. Your playful demeanor fades, replaced by a more serious expression.

“Yeah, the thesis,” you say, avoiding his gaze. “I just needed a break from it all, you know? It's been consuming me, and tonight was my way of escaping the stress for a little while.”

Charles feels a pang of guilt. He should've known better than to bring up the one thing that has been causing you so much pressure. He reaches out, gently cupping your cheek to guide your eyes back to his. “I'm sorry, mon ange. I didn't mean to remind you of that. Let's talk about it. What's been going on with the thesis? Why is it stressing you out so much?”

You sigh, leaning into his touch. “It's just... I thought I'd be further along by now. The deadline is looming, and I can't seem to get everything to come together. It's like the more I work on it, the more overwhelmed I feel.”

Charles nods in understanding, his thumb gently caressing your cheek. “You don't have to go through this alone, you know. We can figure it out together. Maybe I can help, or we can find someone who can. You don't have to carry the weight of it all by yourself.”

You look up at him, leaning into his gentle touch as you close your eyes for a second to gather your thoughts, “It’s just–” You take a frustrated breath, thinking over your words once again. “I’m supposed be able to do this, how am I supposed to do a Ph.D when I can’t even write my master’s thesis properly?”

Charles listens quietly, his gaze never leaving yours. He can sense the frustration and self-doubt in your words. Leaning in, he places a tender kiss on your forehead before speaking with a reassuring tone. “You will finish it in time,” he assures you, “and you will pass with flying colours, don’t self-sabotage now when you’re almost done with it.”

“But it’s so hard,” dragging out the words as you basically throw yourself into his arms and groan against his sweater, “I just feel like I've hit a wall, and I just don’t want to disappoint anyone.”

Charles wraps his arms around you, holding you close as you bury your face in his sweater. He strokes your back soothingly, understanding the weight of your frustration. “I know it's hard, mon ange,” he says softly, his words a comforting melody. “But hitting a wall doesn't mean you can't break through it. And as for disappointing anyone, you're not a disappointment. You're human, and everyone faces challenges.” He takes a moment think, “And I say this as someone who has hit several walls-slash-barriers.”

An unexpected laughter comes from you, and to calm yourself you take a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent of his sweater. “I just want to do well, to prove to myself and everyone else that I can handle this.”

Charles tilts your chin up, making you meet his gaze. “And you will. You're capable, smart, and resilient. This is just a temporary hurdle, not the end of the road. We'll find a way through it together.”

“Thank you for believing in me, even when I doubt myself.” You whisper, managing a small smile.

“Always, mon amour,” he replies, pressing a tender kiss to your forehead. “Now, let’s get you to bed, you’re going to have a killer headache tomorrow.”

[doromoni]

Clash of Champions | MV1 , LH44

Act 2. Part 5 : The Former and Forever Ally

Ships : Max Verstappen x Engineer! Reader, Lewis Hamilton x Engineer! Reader

Genre : Drama, Angst, Romance

Warning : Morally Grey Characters, Manipulation, Blackmail, Swearing

A/N : Its been a while, my luvs! Here’s the long awaited update~ I’m still getting back into writing, pls be lenient with meeee.

Summary : The rivalry between the titans of Formula 1 goes off track and only one will reign victorious.

< Previous Masterlist Next >

Act 2. ─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

The ringing of a phone sounded all over the driver room of the Dutch Red Bull pilot. It rang and rang nonstop, as Max's jaw tensed in agitation.

The caramel color of hard liquor danced inside the half empty glass that he nursed.

On the next ring, a voice had finally answered the call.

“What do you want, Verstappen?” The voice of an unnerved Toto Wolff resounded throughout the room.

“You haven’t been holding up on your end of the deal, Wolff. Tell me why is your driver still chasing after my girl? You couldn’t even handle reeling in your pet? How pathetic of a principal can you be?” Max uttered each word with carelessness laced with venom.

“SHUT THE FUCK UP, VERSTAPPEN!! You’re the one who’s not holding your end of the deal! You said that you’ll take care of the girl?! Then why the fuck is she winning?! ” The anger and frustration behind Toto’s voice was palpable even to a child.

Toto was in distress, he was facing a crisis at the loss of Y/N L/N. His entire team was at a loss end at the continuous success that the girl brought … but now it was to the rival team. Toto cannot stand the fact that he is being humiliated by a girl half his age.

“I never said that I’ll throw my chances on the championship, now did I? I said that I’ll take Y/N out of your hands— and I did. It’s not my fault that she has actual talent. Now be a good team principal and do something about your lack. Get Hamilton on a leash and away from Y/N” Max had then downed the rest of his drink in one gulp, loudly placing it down on the adjacent table.

“Oh, I’ll do something alright.”

Toto seethed as he dropped the call.

“Prepare the paperwork and the video” Toto uttered to his assistant.

Oh, he’ll do something alright.

***

No one can deny that your presence demanded attention with each step, eyes gravitated towards you, so you lifted your head high in confidence — even when you felt fear and anxiety all over. The enemy shall not see you falter, and in this reality — many are watching to see you fall.

Your footsteps hit the pavement with fervor, each step as sure as the last one. You were clad in black and blue, proudly dressed in your new team uniform adorned with your signature red-bottomed heels as you walked in the paddock towards where the Sky commentators were stationed for the interview.

You had Red Bull’s PR team guiding you to your destination. As the distance shortened, you felt your heartbeat pounding—you could hear it in your ears and feel it in your throat. Nervous was an understatement to what you were feeling right now.

If it were just a regular interview with the other commentators, it would be a breeze. But with Nico present, this was entirely different … it was personal.

No matter how much you’ve grown, matured, or achieved when you faced Nico it all didn’t matter — you always felt like the rookie junior engineer needing guidance. Nico was always your big brother and it broke your heart when your relationship fell apart.

Your eyes adjusted to the sight of them seated in the middle of the busy paddock, mics on hand. With a deep breath, you plastered on a smile and went near the commentators. Natalie Pinkman was the first to notice your appearance.

“Ah! And here she is! Everyone let’s welcome, Red Bull Head Race Engineer, Y/N L/N” The rest of the crew’s attention went towards you with soft smiles present. The reporters consisted of the people you had great respect for; David Croft, Jenson Button, Natalie Pinkham, and of course Nico Rosberg.

“Hello everyone! Thank you for having me~ always an honor to chat with you” You replied with all the grace that you could muster because honestly, you felt the cold sweat dripping down your neck.

“Of course, Of course, Y/N! Well, last time you were with us you were wearing black and silver. What caused the move if we could ask” Crofty’s question caught you off guard, you weren’t going to lie. You expected it, but not so early on.

“Oh come on Crofty! Let the girl breathe~ she just won her 2nd race with Max for goodness' sake. Congratulations by the way” Nico suddenly interjected. Warmth filled you as Nico came to your aid. You gazed at him with thankfulness — and he gave you a knowing look. Maybe patching things up with the Ex-Merc driver wouldn’t be too hard.

“Thank you, Nico! Yeah, Max and I work great together I’ve got to say. He is very straightforward in giving his insights and that helps a lot” You replied with a smile

“And to answer your question Crofty~ yeah I’ve retired the black and silver uniform for sure! The team and I both wanted different things and It was to my best benefit to find what I needed somewhere else and I guess it was with Red Bull. “ you explained with such restraint that you were sure that Red Bull’s PR would be proud. If it weren’t for them and the NDA you’ve signed with Mercedes — you would’ve held nothing back.

“But in the middle of the season? with so much friction between the two teams fighting for the championship. That’s a crazy move” Jenson commented, a wide grin spread on your lips. Boy crazy was only half of it.

“You call it crazy, but I think what Y/N did here takes guts and bravery. Take it from me, my retirement was one of the best decisions I’ve made. I couldn’t run faster ” Nico butted in with a snicker. You couldn’t help but giggle — the shared Mercedes trauma and resentment unites you both. One thing was true, both of you were free from their clutches

“I presume that a lot had happened in the background then” Natalie tried to push further to which you only laughed and gave her a shrug.

“Alright, alright ~ let’s now talk racing. Y/N today’s strategy was flawless. Did you factor in everything or was luck a part of it?” Crofty segwayed smoothly.

From then on the interview ran as smoothly as it could till it finished and they had to let you go.

It was time to talk to Nico one-on-one, but what you didn’t expect was Nico holding on to your wrist and pulling you towards Sky’s office.

“Nico?? What is going on? Why am I here? Am I even allowed in here??” You were filled with questions as the German pulled you into his office.

He was dead silent at first then suddenly he pulled you into his embrace. Shock coursed through your veins but like muscle memory, your arms found their way around Nico.

“What is happening? Nico?” You were so confused. You were made to believe that Nico had hated you — but now everything was as foggy as the weather.

“ Holy Fuck, Y/N! Oh how much I’ve missed you” Nico muttered in your hair.

You were dazed, your mind was reeling and you had no concept of reality at this very moment. You thought that you were about to be chewed out and criticized by Nico and be told that his being nice was just a facade for the world.

Words couldn’t come out of your mouth as you felt hot tears building up. Nico’s hug felt like home and security — you finally felt like you didn’t need to pretend to be the always strong, independent and put-together Y/N the world expected you to be.

You let yourself slump in his hold and clutch him even tighter to you.

“Oh, you poor thing. What have they done to you” As you hear his words , you can’t hold back your tears and they fall uncontrollably. Your breath hitched with every inhale you took.

“N-nico I’m so sorry. I- I should’ve listened to you! I-im so sorry for everything I’ve done to hurt you” You felt Nico’s hand soothingly caressed your hair.

“I’ve forgiven you a long time ago, Bärchen.” Nico hadn’t called you his little bear for so long that when you heard it once more you bawled even harder.

“Okay, let’s get you some water and we’ll talk, yeah?” Nico asked gently as he put you at arm's length— trying to stop himself from laughing at your snotty and red face.

You slapped his arm playfully and then nodded in agreement as you let Nico guide you to his couch.

You let yourself survey his office — and one thing caught your attention. It was the picture of a younger version of you and Nico on his first win with you being his junior engineer. You couldn't help but smile at the memories.

It was even before Lewis came to Mercedes. You were just a rookie and Nico fought his team into letting you into his engineer team for the race.

Nico shouted in joy on his radio thanking everyone including you. Nico had given you special recognition and that was when the world had started to know the name Y/N L/N.

A cold bottle brought you out of your recollection of the past. You took the bottle and a snack that Nico handed you with a thank you and a grin. He still kept your favorite snacks in stock, you truly missed your big brother.

“So tell me Bärchen, how have you been? Finally out of hell’s clutches. Congratulations on that by the way” Nico tipped his bottle towards you.

Nico had never resented Mercedes before… well when you were with him anyway. But when you were suddenly put into Lewis’ team — Nico had turned a 180.

“I have so much to tell you. And you are so right in leaving that hell hole when you won the championship. I wished you dragged me away with you” you said in a joking sarcastic manner — however you meant every single word.

You were mid-chew, when you saw Nico’s face suddenly fell and turned cold. You felt your spine tingle and goosebumps ran through your skin. Nico then faced you with such seriousness that you turned nervous to the bone

“N-nico? Did I say anything wrong?”

“Listen carefully Y/N. That place is a viper den and I would’ve done anything to get out of there. I did try to move teams and I was planning to take you with me. But Toto knew and they transferred you to Lewis. “ Nico held your hand as his eyes were turning red from the tears building up. You were speechless yourself and you could only listen to what Nico had to say.

“They made me avoid and cut ties with you … I know it was cowardly of me but I didn’t know what to do, they threatened your job and your future Bärchen. They were ready to block everything and make sure your future in Formula 1 would not lead to anything. I know your dreams my Bärchen… so I did as they asked” Tears were now starting to fall on the German’s eyes — you could see the pain and emotion through them that you couldn’t hold your tears anymore.

You clutched Nico’s hand tighter, urging him to go on. You felt shame and mortification fill your body, after everything that has happened it was all because Nico was trying to protect you and your future.

“Mercedes made me an ultimatum… I get to leave the team and they would leave you alone if I won a championship” A gasp flew out of your mouth. You thought that you knew everything that had happened— yet you were as blind as a bat at the length of monstrosity that they were willing to go through. They made you believe that Nico was out to get Lewis out of jealousy but all his desperation was for freedom; not only his but for yours as well.

“But … when I did win, they made another exit clause. It was that I could not contact you when you still worked for them.” With a heavy sigh, Nico then met your eyes.

Your lips quivered with disbelief— you thought that Nico had avoided you because of hatred. But it was all because of the despicability of Toto and Mercedes.

“Nico, I’m so sorry. After everything you’ve done for me … and I only hurt you in the end. I don’t deserve your forgiveness and I don’t deserve you” You cried your heart out and Nico pulled you back into his embrace.

“Hey, none of that! I’ve forgiven you and I know that you didn’t mean any of it. You were blinded by love and false information, a very deadly combo and I understand. But we both finally came out unscathed right?” Nico joked. You couldn't help but snicker, yeah right unscathed. Both of you knew how much they’d damaged the two of you.

“Yup! Absolutely, completely healthy and undamaged. “ you tried to joke to lighten the blow “But Nico, what they’ve done to you was abysmal! They deserve to be sued or something! What Mercedes did was blackmail.”

“Oh! You tell me? You’ve stayed longer than me! Imagine putting up with abuse for more years— couldn’t be me.” The two of you laughed at the shared trauma.

“But, Y/N are you okay now? Is Red Bull treating you right?”

“So far, yeah. I never knew that a motorhome could be like that. It made me realize how much toxicity ran in Mercedes” You shook your head out of disbelief.

“I could see you smiling more, and you’re also glowing my bärchen! So you’re now with Max, yeah?” Nico suddenly transformed into the diva that he is and you couldn’t help but roll your eyes affectionately.

“ Thank you, kind sir. And yes, I am seeing Max; and I am happy! Max encouraged me to talk to you, y’know. And yes he also knows about the Lewis drama, he got to experience it firsthand during the grid party”

“Ah! I’ve heard about that~ great job handling Toto by the way. And I did warn you about Hamilton, did I not? But I gotta say as your self-proclaimed brother, you should also be wary of Max… well drivers in general” Nico said catching you off guard. Prompting you to ask why out of curiosity.

“There is just something about us that drives us to extreme extents to get what we want — I could bet that the majority of us are ready to give our lives or more just to achieve it. The question is … what does Max want?” Nico’s question made you think.

What did Max want? You were sure that being a world champion was one of his priorities… but he was not using you as Lewis had done. Right?

Your dilemma was cut short when even pressing matters had fallen on your plate in the form of a heavy succession of knocks heard through Nico’s door.

“Ms. Y/N? Are you in here?” You looked at Nico to which he only shrugged and gave you a look of cluelessness

“Yes, I’m here please come in” You muttered aloud. And to your surprise, it was a frazzled Red Bull staff who was clutching her iPad as she tried to catch her breath.

“Ms. Y/N your presence is needed at Red Bull ASAP. Mr. Horner has summoned you urgently”

“To what is this about?” You questioned further

“Mercedes has filed a lawsuit on you for data and contract breach”

“WHAT?!”

Taglist : @vicurious28 @xoscar03 @barnestatic @stelena-klayley @sopheeg @imagandom @4-20-21-12 @doofenshmirtzevil-inc @g-l-o-b-e-w-h-o-r-e @minkyungseokie @d3kstar @kimialaia @cosmicwintr @younxii @ssrcsm @paigem00 @seokjinkismet @wcnorris @jayjay11122 @embersparklz @sam-is-lost @peterholland04 @luckyladycreator2 @lovemesomeescapism @yettobedetermined7 @nikfigueiredo @ironmaiden1313 @alliwantisadonut @uuoozzii @marshmummy @kemillyfreitas @yaesflorist @zoeyjadetice2010 @splaterparty0-0 @likedbygaslyy @myinternettlifeimagine @ilamara @pluviophilefangirl @starssfall @haydensith @adoreleeknw @leilanixx @dr4g0ngirl @forfeityourbugs @choisannyreads @justtprachisblog @felicityforyou @jehun @halleest @closestthingtocoffee @jexxy04 @tremendousstarlighttragedy @a-beaverhausen

[raychleadele]

So I saw Inside Out 2 this weekend, and something I really love about these movies is they are able to show the purpose of each emotion, including ones that might be easily seen as “bad.” And the purpose is almost always “taking care of you.”

The whole first movie is spent trying to protect Riley from Sadness, only to learn that sadness does serve a purpose, which is showing the people around her that she needs help with something. Sadness isn’t bad, it’s there to help!

The new movie is all about handling Anxiety, and at first I was skeptical. Because Anxiety is just a type of fear right? And we’ve already got Fear in the story, do we really need to invent another character to talk about this? But the movie makes it clear that Fear is there to protect us from things we can see right now, while Anxiety is there to protect us from things we can’t see, and it’s job is to protect your future self.

And man, this idea that Anxiety is trying to protect future me has already helped me handle it. It was such a small thing, but this morning I woke up before my alarm and my brain did the thing - “Wait, what time is it?! We need to get up soon! What if we overslept!” But another part of my brain was able to say “Wait, that’s Anxiety. Anxiety is trying to protect Future Me. It’s okay, we have an alarm set that will help us get up on time, we don’t need to panic, we can relax and enjoy being in bed for a few more minutes.” And it worked. Anxiety quieted down after that, and my last ten minutes in bed this morning were more relaxing because I recognized what Anxiety was doing for me.

Like, I’m a grown-ass adult, I’m 35 years old, but these movies for children have helped give me the vocabulary and strategies to help me recognize and manage my emotions better. And I think that’s amazing, and I’m grateful for it. Today’s little moment of managing Anxiety was very small, but now that I’ve practiced it and seen that it works, I feel more confident that the same strategy will be effective again for bigger Anxiety moments in the future. So thanks, everyone on the Inside Out team, you’ve made something good, and I appreciate that.

[sunflowergraves]

Unpacking Will Solace’s Character

I’ve seen a lot of Will Solace hate since TSATS and it’s really starting to bother me. As a person that relates heavily to Will’s character, it’s upsetting to see him get bashed across the internet, especially considering we’ve never actually gotten to know his character. Personally, I feel like a lot of people are basing his character around headcanons and fanfiction (which I am guilty of) and were disappointed when he wasn’t who we saw him as. 

It doesn’t help that the only time we got to see Will’s POV it was short and through the eyes of others. He’s also not this big hero like all the characters in the PJO universe. His powers aren’t that strong, he’s not a prophecy child, and his talents are mediocre. Will is the most human demigod we’ve ever been introduced to. I can understand why his character doesn’t feel multi-dimensional compared to everyone else, but in my opinion, he was fleshed out very well. 

Yes, there are a few things I was disappointed by. I wish they talked about Will’s past more and his grief over his dead siblings. I wanted him to have his own weapon, even if it was an old bow he never used or a lyre like Apollo used in TOA. But I will always love that they changed him from the calm, collected counselor healer to an anxious, depressed, self-doubting person because it fits him so well. How could he not feel these things after losing friends and family? After being abandoned by everyone around him? Or being forced to take on the caretaker role of the entire camp because he was the only one left? 

I’m going to continue this down below, so if you don’t want major spoilers for TSATS, don’t continue reading. Also this is long as hell in case you just want to skim. 

Every time Will was mentioned in the books, it was from someone else’s POV and it was a few lines at best. 

Will has always been described as the cool, relaxed, go-with-the-flow type of guy. He was the person with a level head and knew exactly what to do. But guess what? Underneath that cool exterior was an anxiety riddled people pleaser who threw himself at every problem because that’s what he was told to do. The Apollo cabin was always the head medic team. After Lee and Michael died, Will was basically thrust into that position of power. He was trusted to take care of his younger siblings, trusted to take care of the entire camp. If he let them down, it was going to cost lives. Of course he’s going to be scared and nervous, but he can’t show that. Would you want a doctor with shaky hands and sweat running down their neck? Would you want to be taken care of by a person who doubted and second guessed themselves out in the open? 

As someone who was given a lot of responsibly and forced to grow up at a young age, I completely understand this. You want to try to make everything better for others around you, you get scared when you fuck up, and you HATE when people can’t rely on you. That’s why you will never show how scared you are to fuck up. You will never let people get inside your head because if they can’t rely on you, what good are you? Breaking out of the role that everyone else gave you because they trusted you is scary and hard. 

Nico is probably the only person who knows what Will really thinks. Will trusts Nico with his anxiety and overthinking because he’s comfortable enough around him to show that side. He knows he doesn’t have to Mr. Hero in front of Nico and that’s such a precious and important bond to make with someone. 

Will was valid for being whiny and irritated for most of the book. 

First, Will has ANXIETY. If you don’t know what it’s like to live with anxiety, count yourself lucky. It feels like your thoughts are attacking you constantly. It’s like an uphill battle between rational thought and absolute chaos. I can’t get in my car without thinking of all the ways I could die before I buckle my seatbelt. Imagine going to SuperHell for the first time in your life! Not only that, but people told Will constantly that as a child of Apollo he was basically fucked. The three strongest demigods that made it back almost went insane! Of course Will is going to be upset, irrational, irritated, and uncomfortable. 

In TOA, he voiced several times how he thought it was a bad idea and that he really didn’t like it. This is not a new thing for Will’s character at all. For him to be willing to cross a line he had made concrete shows that he loves and cares for Nico. But that shouldn’t mean he isn’t allowed to be uncomfortable. 

Second, for anyone saying he could have stayed at camp instead of going has never sacrificed their comfort for someone else. There are so many instances in my life where I went way out of my comfort zone because I knew my friends/family wanted me there. Did I complain? Hell yes. Did I still do it? Hell yes! If Will had said, “Nico, I can’t do this and I refuse to at least try,” I would have lost so much respect for his character. Instead he sucked it up, even when he was already practically dying before they got there. 

Three, Will was worried about Nico. He’s never experienced Tartarus, he’s never been to the Underworld. While Will has definitely faced his share of demons, he’s never stood in Nico’s shoes. So when his boyfriend is having vivid nightmares and hearing voices, he’s going to try and rationalize it for Nico because that’s what he has done his entire life. Will is the “healer.” He is supposed to fix things, not let them traipse off to hell like it’s a vacation spot. 

Four, this is a 15 year old. Fuck, even now at the ripe ole age of 20, I’d still be shaking in my boots terrified at the thought of going somewhere that is practically a jailhouse for the worst creatures in creation. Will has little to no experience on the field (He ran from six guards without even trying to pull out a weapon. The worst thing he’s ever said to his enemies was “anemic loser” and didn’t even want to kill Octavian. Every battle before that he had an older sibling to look up to and care for him). So yeah, I’d just be a tad bit nervous and annoying.  

Will asking Persephone how to love someone from the Underworld was honest and raw. 

This scene broke me in ways I can’t even describe because of how real it felt. If you’ve ever been in a deep and caring relationship (friendship counts) you should understand. Like Persephone said, love is something you choose and it’s complicated and messy even for people who were practically made for each other. For Will to ask how to love someone from the Underworld shows that he is actively choosing to understand and love Nico. 

I get that most people interpret Will’s lines as “How do you love someone so filled with death?” but really he’s asking how do you love someone who acts like he doesn’t want to be loved? How do you love someone that pulls away from your light no matter how desperately you try to give it them? How do you love someone who hides parts of themselves from you? 

Will is a healer, he fixes things. It’s not until this scene that Will realizes the only thing Will needs to fix is his perspective on Nico. That darkness and hurt and trauma is okay. It’s also a scene where Will realizes he doesn’t have to force down his own trauma anymore. 

Will loves Nico and it’s so obvious he scared to lose him. He thinks he’s weak and broken and incapable of helping Nico escape his trauma. His insecurities shadow him and he’s confused about how to navigate this relationship because he thinks he needs to be the leader. How can he lead if Nico won’t let him? How can he help when he doesn’t know how? Persephone’s scene was Will’s chance of finding guidance from someone who could understand exactly what he’s thinking

People in their late 40′s still can’t get relationships down. Why are we pushing unrealistic relationship ideations on a 15 year old who doesn’t even know who he is yet?

Will was not useless. 

Sorry that the relationship duo isn’t Mr. Badass and Mr. Badass 2.0. Will not being a fighter is refreshing to see because honestly I’m quite tired of seeing badass couples in every book/movie. Not everyone is strong and powerful and super awesome. Will is a nerd that likes healing people. Why isn’t that enough? 

“He’s described as having muscles,” “He’s a field/combat medic,” “He fought in the wars,” “He carries people all the time,” “He trains with the Apollo cabin.” Okay and? I was raised to work hard and protect myself. I work out and I know how to use a bow and knife. Does that mean I want to? No. 

I’d also like to point out that almost everyone in camp is described as having muscles. You kind of have to when your life motto is Try not to die or get eaten. Also they train on lava walls, jump eight foot pits, and weapons. I get a little bit of muscle going on my silly little walks, I’d be fucking jacked if I was actively training. 

Second, Will has never once been described fighting monsters/demigods. I don’t doubt that he’s had a few encounters, but the boy practically specializes in RUNNING AWAY. He’s a feral little animal that finds injured demigods and sprints them away to the medic center while occasionally bashing monster heads in. He’s strong because he needs to be, not because he wants to be. Strength also doesn’t equal battle prowess. 

Not to mention, he hates killing! He didn’t want to kill Octavian despite Octavian being the actual worst. He runs away as a distraction even though he had weapons on him. He got upset when Nico threw Sherman Yang out of the chariot in TOA. Monsters are different, but monsters are also scary. Will is terrified of demon pigeons, you really think he’s willingly gonna go one-on-one with anything bigger than his pinky? 

I’ll admit, I hated that he didn’t have a weapon in Tartarus. I thought it was really stupid and out-of-character because my anxious ass would have loaded up. Still, it was kind of funny when they described Will bashing rocks over monster’s heads during their fight with Nyx. 

My final point for this: Will was Nico’s support system and that was the point. Will knew he wasn’t going to throw hands with anyone. He went because he knew Nico needed him even when Nico told him to stay. Will was going to trek through SuperHell with the love of his life and hold his hand to remind him that he was loved. Will wanted Nico to know that he’d literally go to Hell and back for him and that’s what mattered. 

Nico didn’t ask Will to be the Hero. Nico states several times that the reason he loves Will is because he wants to heal and he’s so stubborn to find the good in everything. And that’s exactly what Will did. He offered support, care, and reminders. He was going to understand and love Nico, even through the darkest parts of his life. 

Will is one of the best support systems in a PJO couple duo. 

It makes me incredibly sad to see people call Will toxic when he gave his entire life to support Nico. I won’t deny that he complained a lot and said hurtful things and that he occasionally belittles Nico’s feelings. But Will didn’t know he was doing those things. He thought he was helping Nico navigate his PTSD. How is someone who is still emotionally developing his own character supposed to know how to take care of someone else’s? 

Will also clearly showed love and affection towards Nico. He met all his friends and was polite to them even when they looked scary. Will risked his life several times before they got to Tartarus and still insisted on continuing. Built a Minecraft house for his boyfriend and left him a KitKat bar because he knew he would feel fatigued (also Will brought KitKat bars, meaning he was already thinking of Nico’s health beforehand). He tried to be useful by scouting ahead because he felt like he was being a burden on Nico. He kissed him, called him silly nicknames, hugged him, respected his boundaries (asking to hold him instead of trying to comfort him immediately), and oh yeah, went to Tartarus when he was obviously quaking in his flipflops. 

He also helped Bob when he had no idea who/what he was, comforted Nico when he was beginning to lose hope, acknowledged his mistakes and admitted he needed to try harder, realized he didn’t need to fix Nico and that his boyfriend was perfect the way he was, and learned that Nico wasn’t going to leave him. 

Love is complicated. Love is something you choose. And Will chooses to love Nico. Also for everyone saying a year is long enough to learn/realize these problems already and have them solved, you need to take the rose tinted glasses off. I’ve been with my partner for almost four years, and I’m still learning things about our relationship. We argue, we don’t always meet eye-to-eye. Our own trauma and experiences surface and it gets difficult. But do we just call it quits and throw everything into the trash? No. We talk, we problem-solve, we come back and try to understand each other even if we don’t know how to do that. A year is nothing. A year is puppy love and excitement. It’s like your favorite movie on repeat. All the problems are ignored because you don’t want to see them yet. 

So for a pair of 15 year old's who just came to terms with their sexuality, I think that they are doing pretty damn good at this love thing. 

Anyway, that’s all I really wanted to say. Even though we’ve had Will for years, we’ve never gotten to know his true character until now. It’s raw and weird and doesn’t fit the mold of Will Solace, son of Apollo we all created him to be. You can still hate his character or whatever, I’m not going to try to change your mind. But don’t hate on everyone else who loves him and loves this book. 

[wttcsms]

Make a thirst post for any character with any kink PLEASE I BEG OF YOU I AM JUST CRAVING MORE OF YOUR CONTENT

so real, thanks for giving me free will bestie 🤞🏻

content contains breeding kink, excessive cum, implied overstimulation, mating press, belly bulge, pet names (my good girl, my pretty girl, baby), some domesticity!!! (he’s balls deep and y’all are thinking of baby names 🥰)

rin itoshi is soooo husband. he’s obsessed with catering to your every need, always wanting to make sure that you’re well taken care of, always needing to be the reason as to why you’re taken care of. he worries about you, you know. every time he’s away, training or practicing or flying out to play against an international team, it takes everything in him to not immediately blow up your phone with texts. he just wants to make sure that you’re always going to want to stay by his side.

nothing gives him more confidence that you’re entirely his, though, than when you let him channel all those misplaced anxieties of his into fucking you so hard and so deep, you don’t think you’ll ever be able to forget the shape of his cock or the feel of his cum being constantly pumped back into you.

“r-rin!” your words come out slurred, and you have long since lost the ability to even think coherent thoughts. all you’re capable of saying, really, is just his name. even that proves to be a struggle as you feel rin’s grip on the back of your thighs tighten before he’s pushing your legs further up, your knees practically bumping against your shoulders, and now you know why he likes to fuck you ‘til you can’t even think — it makes you boneless, turns you pliant, makes you susceptible to whatever position rin wants to manhandle you into.

“fuck! feel so fuckin’ good, baby. you’re my good girl, aren’t you?” when rin really starts to fuck you, all his sentences come through clenched teeth and sound like hisses. his hair is in his face, tips of his hair almost obstructing his view of you: his pretty girl, all laid out and bare, your little pussy stuffed full of his cock and leaking with your juices and the amount of cum he’s dumped in you. he tsks at the sight, frowning as he watches some of his cum seep out of you.

“if you were really my good girl, you’d keep all my cum inside you instead of wasting it.” he’s mocking you; not out of malice, but your fucked out brain is too slow on the uptake, and you whine out, trying to apologize. he loves it when you get like this. “it’s okay, baby. it just means i have to fuck it all back in for you.”

each thrust brings him impossibly closer to you until you can’t figure out where you start and where he ends. his thrusts are slower than prior, but hitting you so deep that you can’t help but feel every inch of his cock he has to offer.

“i’m not gonna last much longer.” he presses a surprisingly chaste, sweet kiss against your sweat soaked forehead, pushing himself so far deep that he’s practically hitting your cervix. “fuck, baby, i think i’m gonna get you pregnant.”

rin’s baby. your baby. having a baby with rin. the thought excites you, so much so that he can feel you tighten against him at the thought, and it only makes him let out a loud, short laugh.

“you like that? you like the idea of having my baby?” all you can do is nod, letting out a whine as he gives you a few more shallow thrusts.

he’s cumming in you, with his cock pressed so deep inside you that you’re certain his cum is hitting right into your fucking womb. you savor the warm feeling, feeling lightheaded and satisfied and only dreaming of a vague future of you holding a baby that looks like the perfect mix of you and rin.

he’s panting softly from exertion, coming down from his high, and he kisses you again, this time on your soft lips. pressing his forehead against your own, you can feel his warm breath tickling your face as he speaks.

“we should start thinking of names.”

[mxckiemxn]

Standby

Chapter 2-Signs

Warnings: swearing, violence, death, anxiety, weapon use (guns, knives, etc), vivid descriptions of gore, mentions of torture (no main characters), slight hostage situation, slight mentions of dissociation, reader may be losing it a bit idk idk

Word Count: 6,038

Taglist: @rkive-joonie @tweetiebirb

Authors note: this one is a bit of a doozy lol. Reader just cannot catch a break 😔 (I know it’s my fault but it builds character lmao). There’s quite a bit of foreshadowing thrown in here so I’d love to hear y’all’s theories 🙊. Let me know what y’all think about this chapter, and as always, feel free to reblog if you like it! ~Mackie 💜

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's now been two days since you met Hobi and his friends, and today you were going to help them look for supplies. You couldn't quite comprehend why you’d volunteered to go out. You didn't have nearly as much experience as they did when it came to dealing with the zombies. Yeah, maybe it was easier to face them when you were part of a group, but you had been alone up until now.

You had the basic knowledge of how to deal with them, but no amount of preparation or intelligence could take away the overwhelming reality of the current state of the world. The truth is, nothing is guaranteed. There are no promises that could be made in regard to someone’s safety, they’d all be empty.

The harsh reality is that at any given moment, one of us could turn into a monster. Whether it happens because you’ve been bitten and are now infected, or you simply give in to the darkness inside of you. Either way, becoming something that you don’t want to become seems somewhat inevitable at this point.

You already felt it from the moment this mess began. You saw it when you fired a bullet directly into a zombie’s head to save Hobi. Sure, zombies were just a shell of the person that they once were, but they were still a person at some point. A human being with thoughts, feelings, goals, and aspirations. Someone who was loved by others and loved those people right back. You couldn’t help but wonder if the only difference between zombies and those who were still alive was as simple as a heartbeat.

There was no time to reconsider the solidity of your moral compass. The boys took you in and you needed to help them. Fresh water and a warm meal was somewhat unheard of these days, but that didn’t stop them from doing what they could for you.

You dressed yourself in a pair of jeans, along with a long sleeved shirt and boots before tying your hair up into a ponytail and sliding on a black baseball cap. You gave yourself one final look over before grabbing your gun and heading downstairs. Everyone else was already down there, standing in the dining room. Everyone’s bags were laid out on the dining table along with various weapons. You were greeted by Jimin who was leaning against the countertop.

“Ah, Y/N!” He exclaimed, drawing everyone’s attention towards you, as he motioned for you to stand by him.

“Good morning, everyone.” You greeted as you joined Jimin.

Much to your surprise, Hobi didn’t rush over to greet you as he did the previous morning. Instead, he remained silent as he stood in the corner by Yoongi who also kept quiet as his sight remained glued to the floor.

Great, they’re both upset with me. You thought to yourself. You understood Hobi’s hesitation when it came to you deciding to join them on a supply run. I mean, you were going in a smaller group opposite of his, and according to his statement to Taehyung the other day, he promised himself that he’d protect you. Yoongi, however, was a mystery. One that you were sure you’d figure out one day, but today was not that day.

“Are you ready?” Namjoon asked as he walked over to you, handing you your bag.

“I’m ready.” You said between a deep breath.

“Each group has a radio, including myself. They’re long range so team one and team two will be able to alert each other in case they need help. I won’t be able to hear you all once you pass the halfway point.” He said, referring to the location in between each team’s destination and the house. “Keep your gun in your back pocket but avoid using it if you don't have to. You don’t want to alert more zombies than you need to. I placed a miniature hatchet in your bag, use that if you can.” He finished as you nodded in response.

“We’ll be taking mine and Yoongi’s cars this time, so let’s try to get as much as we can.” Jin added.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You all made your way outside and began loading up the separate vehicles. You were in the middle of sorting through your bag, pulling out the hatchet to have it prepared when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned around and were met with Hobi’s kind eyes.

“Hi.” He said softly with a weak smile.

“Hey. Listen, I know that you want me stay back but-“ you began but were interrupted as Hobi gently held up your arm, taking off the bracelet on his wrist and placing it on yours. “What’s this?” You asked as you began examining it. It was purple and twine-like with beads that spelled out “hope” in the middle.

“This is my favorite bracelet. I never take it off.” He stated simply, as he kept a gentle hold on your wrist.

“So, why are you giving it to me?” You asked, a bit bewildered.

“Because it’s my favorite, which means that you have no choice but to be safe and make it back home so you can return it to me.” He said sweetly, causing you to reach up to wrap your arms around his neck.

“I promise to give it back to you.” You whispered as you pulled away to look at him. He didn’t try to stop you from going. Didn’t try to argue with you about it. As much as he didn’t like it, he respected your decision and accepted it as your own to make.

“We should get going. Be safe out there, Y/N.”

“You be safe too, Hobi.” You told him before climbing into the backseat. Yoongi entered the driver's side with Jimin in the passenger. You all gave Namjoon a final wave before pulling off, following behind Jin’s car.

The car ride was silent. Even Jimin, who was typically a ball of energy, kept quiet. It seemed like everyone was nervous about the trip and you couldn’t help but wonder if it was the same for the other group.

“Namjoon Hyung, we’ve made it to the halfway point.” Jimin spoke into the radio, letting Namjoon know that we would no longer be in contact with him.

Your anxiety arose slightly as the car in front of you made a left while your car made a right. This was it. No going back now. Yoongi drove for a few more minutes before the car came to a stop.

“Fuck.” He said, causing you to look out of the front window. The rest of the path was blocked off by a row of cars.

“What should we do?” Jimin asked as he looked at Yoongi.

“There’s no way for us to drive through. We’re going to have to walk. We aren’t too far away from the shop.” He groaned as he began pulling the car to the side of the road before parking. “Radio the other team, let them know that we’re continuing on foot.”

Jimin did as he was told, letting Jin know that our path was blocked and that the only way we’d get through is by walking.

“Alright, we need to move carefully. I don’t know if those cars were placed there in an attempt to keep zombies out or people. Either way, we stay alert and don’t draw any attention to ourselves.” Yoongi said as he glanced at both you and Jimin.

You hadn’t considered that the barrier might’ve been created to prevent people from getting through. The fact that some people were still alive was new to you.

“What do you mean, could there be another group here?” You asked him.

“I don’t know. Hopefully we don’t find out.” He stated simply. You turned your attention to Jimin who seemed as anxious as you were.

“We’ll be okay.” Jimin said and you weren’t sure if he was trying to reassure you or himself. Either way, it wasn’t very convincing.

You all made your way out of the car, weapons in hand as you began making your journey. Yoongi led the way with Jimin behind and you following. Slowing down as you all came across a sign hanging from a traffic light reading “TURN BACK”.

“Let’s keep moving.” Yoongi whispered.

As you reached your destination, you all found yourselves staring at the entrance. The doors and windows were all locked and none of you wanted to risk breaking them as it’d alert anything around you.

“Let’s check the rear entrance.” You said, as you began circling the building with the others trailing behind you. The back door was locked as well but you noticed a window to the right side of it that was ajar. It wasn’t excessively high up, but there’s no way that you all could climb through on your own.

“One of us could climb in through here and open the door for the others.” You stated as you turned to face the two behind you.

“Jimin-ah, lift me up. I’ll let you both in.” Yoongi said as he began taking his backpack off.

“No, I can do it.” You said, handing your bag to Yoongi.

“Y/N, are you sure that’s a good idea?” Jimin asked you with a hint of hesitation in his tone.

“She’s not going. We have no clue what’s waiting for us on the other side.” Yoongi stated sternly.

“I wasn’t asking for permission. What makes you think that you can tell me what I can and can’t do?” You argued.

“I’m the one leading this goddamn team.” He snapped back.

“Well, I’m the only one with a gun, Yoongi. And correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure that I’m the only one who knows how to use one.” You refuted as you looked at the both of them.

Yoongi sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. You were right and he knew it. You were the only one within your group who could fire a guaranteed shot. “Hoseok’s going to fucking kill me.” He groaned.

“Y/N, get on my shoulders and see if anything is in there.” Jimin told you, doing his best to cut through the tension. You nodded as you carefully climbed onto his shoulders as Yoongi kept a hand on your back to keep you from falling.

You attempted to open the window more, stopping abruptly and cringing a bit as you heard it begin to squeak. The wind started to pick up, allowing the scent of the room to air out. You began smelling the familiar stench of a rotting corpse, causing you to gag a bit as you covered your nose with your sleeve. It was then that you noticed the amount of dried blood all over the floor and walls.

There were some hidden corners in the room, and you were unsure if a zombie or another person could be occupying them. You were taken from your thoughts as you heard a light growl. You turned your attention to the sound, breath catching in your lungs as you saw it. Out of the shadows, a zombie appeared. It was a male and he looked young, probably in his early twenties.

As he got closer, you saw something that you were sure would never leave your mind. His eyes were gone, almost as if they’d been perfectly gouged from his head. It was clear that he hadn’t done it to himself, as you noticed that his wrists had been zip tied together and a sign hung from his neck reading “TRAITOR”.

As he dragged his feet across the floor, it became evident that he couldn’t see you. You looked down at Yoongi who was watching you with a concerned expression, as he saw how uneasy you looked. You said nothing, however. Instead, you raised a finger to your lips, signaling him to remain silent. Namjoon’s words lingered in your mind, reminding you not to use your gun unless you absolutely had to.

You carefully began crawling through the window, attempting to remain as quiet as possible. There was a desk directly below the window with papers and cans scattered around it. Your movements remained slow as you entered the other side, doing your best not to knock anything over in the process. Luckily, you succeeded but now you were wondering how you’d get down without knocking anything over.

You crouched down and placed your hands on the table for support. You managed to guide your feet to the floor and readied yourself, gripping the hatchet in your hand tightly. You took small steps to the creature who was swaying side to side. You felt a hint of guilt as your eyes remained fixed on his hollow, bloody sockets.

“I’m sorry.” You whispered, causing the creature to open his mouth and let out a deep groan. You cut him off as your hatchet made connection with his skull, landing right in the middle. He remained still for a moment, mouth still hanging open before he began to fall. You carefully guided his lifeless body to the floor, refusing to let him go until he was completely flat. You didn’t know if anything else was roaming around here, and the last thing you needed was a loud thud giving away your position.

You released a shaky breath that you hadn’t realized you’d been holding as you looked at him. He died twice. You thought to yourself. You didn’t know who he was or what he did, but you knew that he didn’t deserve to die that way. It was unclear if he was bitten before he’d been tortured or after. Either way, he didn’t pass away peacefully. He was murdered brutally.

You shook your head as you tried to push away those thoughts, guiding your attention back to the task at hand. You turned to the door, carefully pushing it open to allow the two men to enter. Jimin’s eyes met yours and he quickly came to check on you. It wasn’t until that moment that you realized you’d been crying.

“Holy fuck.” Yoongi whispered causing Jimin to turn his attention to whatever Yoongi was looking at.

“How could someone do that?” Jimin said, now understanding why you were so upset.

“It doesn’t matter. He can rest now. C'mon, let’s get what we need and get out of here.” You said in an emotionless tone as you began wiping your tears.

“She’s right, Jimin. Let’s go.” Yoongi’s tone was a bit different than it had been before. His words were soft, but there was a hint of sadness coating them. Maybe he was going through the same thought process as you were. You turned to face him. The look he gave you was one of empathy, and he offered you a reassuring nod that you reciprocated.

Yoongi began leading the way once again, cautiously stepping out of the room as Jimin followed. You stopped in the doorway, turning to face the corpse once again. “I hope you’re at peace.” You whispered before following the other two.

You all searched around for supplies, finding various canned goods and some drinks as well. You grabbed some hygienic products that you found scattered along the floor before continuing your search. You paused as you came across some books. You looked around to make sure that the others weren’t watching you before directing your attention back to them.

You weren’t sure what it was, but something within you felt the need to make amends with Yoongi. Sure, he was being a bit of an asshole earlier, but we were all just trying to do our best to survive. You thought for a moment before grabbing a couple of them to give to Yoongi once you all made it back home, placing them in the front pocket of your bag. You began looking for more supplies again, finding more cans of food hidden underneath one of the shelves.

You stretched your arm out as you tried to reach all of them, your hands brushing against something small and flat. You laughed lightly as you inspected the item. It was a chocolate bar, still wrapped perfectly. You began searching for a date to make sure it was still good, letting out a satisfied hum when you saw that it wasn’t expired yet. You placed it in your bag next to Yoongi’s books. You figured you could give it to Hobi when you returned his bracelet to him.

Once you all were certain that you’d properly cleaned out the shop, you began making your way back to the car.

“We made it!” Jimin said buoyantly as you all climbed into your seats.

You were relieved to say the least, but you still couldn’t shake that image from your mind. You’ve seen zombies before and you knew that each of them had a story, but this was the first time that you’d witnessed something so intense.

“I’m going to check on the others.” Yoongi said as he reached for the radio.

“Seokjin Hyung?” Yoongi spoke into the device.

“Yeah, are you all alright?” Jin responded rather quickly.

“We’re okay. We’re heading back now. Are you guys almost done?” Yoongi asked.

“We’ve just left. See you soon.” Jin said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The drive back wasn’t nearly as silent as before, but the energy was still lackluster.

“I think we should tell the others about what we saw. We don’t know if the people who did that are still out there.” Yoongi stated. You didn’t want to relive that experience, but you understood where he was coming from. So, you agreed, as did Jimin. If someone could do something like that to someone they knew, then what would they do to complete strangers?

As you approached the house, you saw Namjoon and the others unloading the first car. They all turned their direction to your group, waving and offering big smiles. You barely had time to step out of the car before Hobi ran up to you, embracing you in a tight hug which you reciprocated.

“You made it!” He said brightly.

“I promised you I would.” You laughed.

“I missed you.” He said as he pulled away, keeping his hands on your shoulders.

“I missed you too, Hobi. Actually, I got you something.” You told him. You turned to grab your bag and opened the front pocket to redeem the chocolate bar before handing it to him. “I only found one, so don’t let the others see.” You whispered.

“You should keep it for yourself then!” He said with wide eyes as he tried to give it back to you, causing you to cross your arms.

“Nope, I got it for you. Someone so sweet should have something sweet.” You said, causing him to smile bigger than he already was. You weren’t sure how it was even possible, but you enjoyed the view, nonetheless.

“Thank you, Y/N! Let’s split it.” He insisted.

“Whatever you want, Hobi.” You agreed, motioning for him to hide it as the others began walking up to you, greeting you with warm smiles.

They were happy to see you, and you were just as happy to see them. You didn’t know them well at all, but you still found yourself comforted by their presence.

After everyone unloaded their bags onto the dining table, the boys began looking through everything. Seokjin’s team had a great haul, also finding various canned goods and drinks along with a few snacks like chips and protein bars that were still good. You managed to sneak upstairs to hide the books you grabbed for Yoongi. You placed them in the bedside table along with your gun before heading back downstairs.

All of the items had been put away into the cabinets and everyone was sitting at the table, chatting away as Namjoon finished plating the food he’d made for us. Just like the previous day, you sat in between Hobi and Jimin. Namjoon passed out bowls of soup to everyone. No one’s bowls were completely full as we needed to make sure things lasted as long as possible.

Everyone began talking amongst each other and this time you allowed yourself to join them. You felt as if you were getting to know them better as they told you about their lives’ when everything was normal, and you told them about yours. Jungkook told you about all of his tattoos, and you two joked about getting matching ones when all of this ended. If all of this ended.

You realized that you’d never given Hobi back his bracelet, and it seemed like he forgot to ask for it back.

“Here, I forgot to give this back to you.” You said softly, holding the piece of jewelry in your hand for him to take.

“You keep it.” He told you.

“But it’s your favorite.”

“It is, but I want you to hold onto it for a bit longer. Think of it as your lucky charm.”

You thought for a moment as you put the bracelet back on. You wanted to give him something in return. Something that would inspire him to stay safe at all costs, because he knew that he’d need to return it to you at some point. It felt like a lightbulb turned on when you realized that your hair was still in a ponytail, and you were still wearing your hat.

“Choose.” You told him, holding both your hat and your scrunchie in each hand. He began tapping his finger against his chin in an animated manner.

“How about this? It’s basically the same thing.” He said as he pointed to your scrunchie, causing you to laugh a bit as you slid the item onto his wrist.

“There, now we both have lucky charms.”

Everyone finished their meals, but we all remained at the table. Far too engrossed in our conversations to be bothered with getting up from our seats.

“Everyone-“ Yoongi spoke loudly, drawing everyone’s attention. “Jimin, Y/N, and I witnessed something during our trip that we think you all should know about.” He finished. You and Jimin shared an uncomfortable look with each other. Neither of you wanted to talk about it, but you knew that it needed to be done.

“What happened?” Namjoon asked inquisitively.

You guys told them everything. About the cars, the sign in the road, the zombie. Every weird thing that you witnessed. You made sure to avoid mentioning the fact that you entered the building on your own, knowing that Hobi would be pissed at Yoongi and Jimin for allowing it. They didn’t express it, but they noticed what you were doing, and they were grateful for it.

“That’s awful.” Tae said as he sighed deeply at the end of the story.

“You guys didn’t see anyone around?” Jin asked.

“No, we didn’t. We weren’t sure if they’d left or if they were dead now too.” You told him.

“I’m just glad that you all made it back safely.” Jungkook stated.

“This isn’t good. There’s no telling how long that guy had been there.” Namjoon said, somewhat stating the obvious. Although, we were all thinking the same thing.

“What should we do? I mean, if they’re still alive and they’re still around, what’s to say we won’t run into them?” Jin asked.

“Maybe we should consider moving?” Hobi suggested.

It was an uncomfortable thing to think about, but this was the reality you all were faced with. The people who killed that man could still be alive and for all you knew, they could still be in the area. No one could say how many there were of them. We couldn’t just take a risk and assume that we’d be fine.

“It’s something to think about. We’ve talked about going somewhere else when we couldn’t find any more supplies, but we never planned for something like this.” Namjoon said.

You all remained silent for a moment as everyone began weighing out the options, not that there was a lot to begin with.

“Y/N, I need something from you.” Namjoon said, causing you to sit up and give him your full attention.

“What is it?” You asked.

“I need you to teach us all how to shoot.” He stated, causing everyone to turn to you.

“I can do that. We need to find somewhere that we can practice without making too much noise.” You told them.

“I agree. I know we were trying to avoid making two trips this week, but we’re going to need more guns. Ideally, everyone would be armed.” Namjoon said.

“There’s a shooting range not too far from here. I think that they sold rifles as well for hunting.” Yoongi stated.

“We can start searching there. Maybe we can find some suppressors as well, it’d make training a lot easier." You responded.

“It’s settled. I’ll go with you and everyone else will stay here.” Namjoon stated.

“Shouldn’t half of us go? I can come too. It’s dangerous for both of you to go alone.” Hobi asked.

“It is dangerous, which is exactly why you all need to stay here. A group is too noticeable. I’m not sending Y/N out by herself, and I don’t know enough about guns. Besides, I stayed back today.” Namjoon told him.

“We’ll be ok. Maybe you guys could try securing the house a bit more? It would give us some extra protection until we decide where we’re going.” You stated to everyone, but you were mainly speaking to Hobi in an attempt to calm his nerves.

“We still have a few hours of daylight left. We can go now.” You told Namjoon.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Everyone who was hanging back remained at the table, discussing ways that they could secure the house. You ran upstairs to grab your things and headed back down.

“Here.” Yoongi said as he placed his car keys in your hand. “Namjoon doesn’t have a lot of experience driving. You can take my car. It has more gas in it than Jin’s.” He continued.

“Thank you.” You said as you placed the keys in your pocket.

“It’s no problem. Just don’t wreck it.” He lightheartedly joked.

“Oh, I’m going to drive it into the nearest tree.” You said sarcastically, causing him to roll his eyes but you could see the smirk that he was trying to hide.

“Are you ready?” Namjoon asked as he grabbed his bag.

“Yep, let’s go.” You told him before quickly making your way over to Hobi. “We’ll be back before you know it.” You whispered to him, trying not to interrupt the others who were still talking.

“I know you will. We still have a chocolate bar to split.” He said, causing you to let out a small laugh.

Yoongi wasn’t lying when he said that the range wasn’t far. It took less than 10 minutes to get there, which was relieving. You felt as if you and Namjoon could grab what you needed without much trouble. As you parked the car across the street from the store, you couldn’t help the confusion building inside of you. The windows were still intact, seeming as if no one had attempted to get in.

“Don’t you think it’s weird that no one’s broken in?” You asked as you turned to face Namjoon.

“A little bit. I think that they may have protective glass. Maybe that’s why?” He suggested.

“I guess that could be it. How in the hell are we supposed to get in then?”

“We’ll just have to scope out the area. I can try to pick the lock if I need to.” He said, causing you to nod.

As you both made your way to the store entrance, you began looking through the windows in search of any zombies or people, just as Jimin had instructed you to do earlier in the day. Everything seemed perfectly intact. No guns were missing from the walls behind the counter. There was no indication that someone had gone in and trashed the place, it all looked untouched.

“I’m going to check around the back. Maybe there’s an entry point there.” You told Namjoon as he began fumbling with the lock, letting out a low hum in response.

As you began circling the building you felt as if you were repeating your steps, just at a different store. You knew that history tended to repeat itself, but you’d hoped that it wouldn’t happen to you within the same day.

Once you reached the back of the building, you paused for moment and peeked around the corner as you noticed a truck parked in the back. Your intuition seemed to be screaming at you. Sure, there were tons of abandoned cars everywhere, but something in you made you feel as if that one still belonged to someone.

You quickly made your way to the front of the range to let Namjoon know what you saw, but you froze as you reached your destination. The door hung wide open with no sign of the man you came here with. He could’ve easily gotten in on his own, but you knew that he wouldn’t have just left you. You took a deep breath before readying your gun as you snuck into the building.

You carefully peeked around each corner as you began heading down the hallway. You slowed down a bit as you heard sounds of a struggle and a voice that belonged to your friend.

“Get the fuck off of me!” He yelled.

“No, not until you tell me why you’re here. Are you alone?” You heard another man’s voice tell him.

“For fucks sake I was looking for a gun and I’m by myself.” Namjoon said. He wasn’t going to let this random man know that you were with him.

You peeked around the corner with caution, the man’s back was facing you as he had Namjoon pinned the floor with a knife to his neck. You slowly creeped up behind him, putting the gun to his head and clicking it.

“Drop your weapon and get off of him.” You said sternly, hoping that he couldn’t sense the shaking of your hands.

The man did as he was told, dropping the knife beside him and standing up with his hands raised. He attempted to turn around to face you, but you pressed the gun harder against him, causing him to stop with a flinch.

“Don’t fucking move unless I say so!” You yelled as you began pushing him, directing him to stand against the wall. You glanced at Namjoon who was trying to catch his breath as he stood up.

“Go find something to tie him up with.” You told him, cocking your head to the side as to guide him.

“L-look, I’m sorry. I wasn’t going to hurt him. I just wanted to know who he was.” The man stuttered.

“Don’t lie to me.” You told him.

“We can work this out! You guys can take whatever you need, and we’ll go on about our days.” He pleaded.

“Something tells me that it won’t be that simple.” You told him.

“I found some rope.” Namjoon said as he sprinted back into the room.

“Put your hands behind your back.” You instructed the man, who did as he was told.

“Tie him up.” You directed Namjoon as you kept the gun pressed to the man’s head.

Namjoon quickly did as you instructed him to do, unsure of what the end plan was. To be honest, you didn’t know either. You were just trying to find a way to keep the two of you safe without having to injure the man.

“Here.” You whispered as you carefully guided Namjoon's right hand to take the place of yours holding the gun. “Keep an eye on him. If he moves, pull the trigger.” You finished, making sure to state the last sentence loud enough for the man to hear.

Once you were sure that Namjoon was in a good position, you quickly grabbed both of your bags and made your way to the front of the store to fill them up. You grabbed everything that you could including bullets, handguns, suppressors, and the two hunting rifles that were hanging on the wall.

You began loading one of the rifles that was hanging by its strap on your shoulder and headed back to Namjoon. The man was babbling on about any and everything in an attempt to persuade the two of you to release him.

“You won’t get away with this!” He cried. “My friends will come looking for me.”

“Listen to me-“ you said, cutting him off. “We are going to leave and you aren’t going to try and stop us. I’m not going to kill you, but I promise you that if you or any of your friends try to find us, I will not hesitate. I will kill each and every one of you. Do you understand me?” You growled.

“Y-yes. I understand.” He whined.

“Good. Get down on your knees, do not turn around.” You instructed, as you handed Namjoon back his bag.

Once the man was on the floor, you began backing out of the room with Namjoon following you. You quickly closed the door and grabbed a chair, placing it underneath the doorknob before hastily returning to the car and speeding off.

“Shit!” Namjoon breathed.

You didn’t respond. Too focused on the road and checking your mirrors to make sure that you weren’t being followed.

“You saved my life, Y/N. Thank you.” Namjoon expressed gratefully.

“You don’t need to thank me. You would’ve done the same.” You breathed, slowly relaxing a bit when you were a good distance away from the building.

“I know, but still. I wouldn’t have made it out of there if it weren’t for you.”

“Do you think he was being honest about his friends?” You questioned as his words replayed in your mind.

Namjoon signed deeply before responding. Shaking his head lightly. “I don’t know.” He admitted as he turned to face you.

You simply nodded as you bit your lip and attempted to fight the tears that were burning your eyes. You knew that you did what you needed to do. The man would’ve killed the both of you had you not threatened him, but there was still a sense of guilt as you felt your humanity fading.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The two of you walked through the front door, finally relaxing a bit. The others were quick to try and greet you, but you remained silent as you looked at all of the faces around you. Smiles slowly fading as they saw the distressed look on both yours and Namjoon’s faces.

“What’s wrong?” Jungkook asked, eyes bouncing between you and the man stood beside you.

“We ran into another survivor.” Namjoon stated.

You weren’t even sure how it happened, but everyone ended up in the living room. Eyes glued to Namjoon as he told them what happened. You, however, weren’t listening. Instead, you sat on the floor with your legs crossed as you began looking through the bags and loaded each of the guns. It wasn’t until a voice called your name that you looked up. Everyone was staring at you in disbelief.

“Y/N?” Taehyung called out softly. “Are you alright?” He asked, his tone laced with concern.

“I’m fine.“ A lie. “I promise.“ Another lie. Without another word, you returned your attention to the weapons laid in front of you.

“We don’t have much time. I don’t know if that guy was being honest or not, but I don’t want to wait around to find out. Y/N will teach us how to use the guns and we’ll prepare to move.” Namjoon announced.

That’s two lives you’ve saved. Two lives within the span of two days. You weren’t sure what was happening to you, but it seemed as if by the snap of a finger, something changed. You no longer felt guilty. You no longer felt afraid.

Looking at the men around you, the ones you were so grateful for, you felt nothing except determination. Not a single person or thing would come between you and your friends. Each and every single one of you would make it through, together.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Previous Next

[aceofwhump]

Hi everyone! Welcome to my blog!

I decided to make a new pinned post with all the information that is available on my desktop site but that will be more accessible for mobile users. Plus a few extras 😉

So an introduction.

I'm Ace. I started this blog back in February 2018 after seeing a post that referenced the whump community. I had no idea there was such a large community here on tumblr! As soon as I saw that making a whump blog was an option I immediately made one. And I haven't regretted it since. I love this blog, I love this community, and I'm thrilled to be here three years later! 

Here on this blog you'll see lots of gifsets both reblogged from wonderful creators and gifs made by yours truly. I also write fanfics on occasion. You can check out my work on AO3 under the name "aceofwhump" or you can look under my tag "ace writes stuff". That tag will have some stuff not on AO3 too. I also do whump lists for certain characters, trope lists, video clips of good whump, and fanfic recs.

Click on the read more for even more information and important links to things like gifmaking tutorials, my trope tag list, my show/movie tag list, my fanfic masterlist, and more!!!

My favorite tropes are:

Emotional: panic attacks, nightmares, insecurities, feeling inadequate, fear, grief, flashbacks, flinching, emotional breakdowns full of sobbing, emotional outbursts, scar reveals, anxiety, self hatred

Environmental: accidents, natural disasters like earthquakes or storms, hit by a car, collapsed building, falling through ice, heat exhaustion, hypothermia, falls, burns, infected wounds from lack of medical equipment, sickness, being unable to breathe, drowning

Small moments: limping, feeling weak and seeking support, breathing through the pain, moving wrong in a way that aggravates the pain, and the sudden seizing of his body, shaking hands, pressing the heel of his hand against his temple because of a headache, taking a moment to close his eyes because he’s light headed/exhausted/has such a bad headache

Sci-fi: space illness, oxygen deprivation, isolation, being locked in the brig, hull of the ship getting damaged, alien attacks

Injuries: broken bones, gunshot wounds, hidden injuries, bruises, beaten, concussions, collapsed lung, slings, casts, crutches, knocked unconscious, blood loss

Torture/Captivity: Being strung up by their wrists from the ceiling, drugged, chained up, caged, tied to a chair, handcuffed to a pole, interrogated

Comfort/Caretaking: hugging, “Are you okay?”, “You’re safe now”, “I’ve got you”, hand holding, helping to walk, ice packs, covering someone with a blanket, a cool cloth on their forehead to help with a fever, a fever check, touching their face to offer comfort

Magic: magical healing that causes pain, draining of powers, powers that are painful to use, curses

Stoic or defiant whumpees

Team whump

---------------------------------------

Long detailed look at how I make my gifs

Gifmaking tutorials:

Gifmaking for Begginers: my ginormous all you need to know tutorial

Another look at how I make a gif

Tips for beginners

Tips on brightening dark scenes

How to get into gifmaking

Photoset dimensions

How to make a layout gifset

Gif speeds

---------------------------------------

Links from my desktop blog for mobile users:

My gifs

My whump videos

Ace writes stuff

My Writing Masterlist

Trope tag list

Show list

My Whumptober Masterlists

Fanfic Rec Lists

Blog Archive

---------------------------------------

Introducing…

ACEOFWHUMP’S FANFIC MASTERLIST!!

This has been a massive, ongoing project of mine for a while now in which I am endeavoring to catalog and categorize every fanfiction I’ve ever bookmarked. I fear this project will never be complete as I'm always reading and bookmarking new fics but I’m going to share it anyway.

Inside, you will find links and summaries to the fanfictions I’ve read over the years on both AO3 and FF.net. Each fic is sorted by the specific whumpee that they center on. So there’s a page for Danny Williams, for Mike Warren, for Lucifer Morningstar, and many many more. The fics are 90% whump with a touch of fluffy ones thrown in too. This list is based on the fics I’ve read and bookmarked so it leans heavily on my favorite whumpees and my favorite tropes. 

I’ve been working on categorizing every fic by its tropes (so theoretically you could search for say seizure fics or sick fics) but that’s taking me a loooong time because I have to reread every fic in order to determine what kind of categories to make and to look for the specific tropes. So for now you’ll have to make do with the fic summaries and using the search function. When it’s done, each whumpee will have their specific trope categories so you won’t necessarily find the same tropes in each category but it should help narrow down the fics better once I’m done. This is an ongoing project for me.

The list gets updated all the time so check back in every now and then. There might be something new.

I do take suggestions of fics to add to this masterlist but please keep in mind that it may not end up on the list. It's nothing personal I promise. I just can't add every single fic in the world.

Here's the link (note that it opens best on desktop browser because it is large):

[theladybarnes]

CHERRY BOMB: CHAPTER TEN

"Just the facts!”

▸ summary: the gang is here, ready to move. but there’s time for one more talk.. ▸ characters: the party ft. the adults ▸ word count: 4.3k         ▸ warnings: angst, lots of talking, and 🩷 ▸ series masterlist

The mall filled up with the sounds of El’s screaming. Full of pain and fear, El couldn’t help but squirm beneath your hold, trying to get away from the pain on her limb. Her hand reached out to grip your hand and you nearly yelped from the pain of her grip.

 “What is that?” Erica gasped, looking closer to the wound. There was a gross squelching sound and you can’t help but frown down at the wound.

 “There’s something in there!” Mike called out.

 “We can’t just sit here and watch, we gotta do something!” you cried, watching as whatever was inside began to squirm even more. 

 “Keep her talking. Keep her awake, okay?” Jonathan exclaimed as he climbed up from the floor. You watched over your shoulder as he dashed over towards the stores in the food court. Looking down, you noticed as El had started to struggle keeping her eyes open. Possibly giving into the blinding pain going through her.

 “Hey, hey, hey. Stay awake.“Stay awake.” Mike urged before he glanced up to you and Dustin. “Let’s get her on this side, on this side.” Carefully the three of you moved El around so that you could help her lay against Mike’s chest. 

 “You know, it’s not actually that bad.” stuttered a nervous Robin. “There was ahh..the goalie on my soccer team, Beth Wildfire. This other girl slid into her leg, and the whole bone came out of her knee, six inches or something, it was insane.”

 All of you glanced up at the babbling girl with either perplexed or annoyed faces. “Is this really happening right now?” you asked aloud. Unsure how to even reply to the piece of information she suddenly shared.

 “Robin.” Steve called out, gaining her attention.

 “Yeah?”

 “You’re not helping.”

 “I’m sorry.”

 Thankfully Jonathan returned back to the group. Wooden spoon, plastic glove, and large cutting knife in his hands. He peeked a glance at you, before he shook his head. “You might wanna look away from this.” Dustin reached out to take over holding the girl’s hand, letting you push away from what was going to be a gross mess. No one here needed to see you getting sick or fainting all from being too close to the action.

 “All right, El? This is gonna hurt like hell, okay?”

 “Okay.” she sobbed out, looking in such an immense amount of pain.

 “Need you to stay real still.” he said calmly as he slipped on the plastic gloves. “Here, you’re gonna want to bite down on this, okay?”

 “Jesus Christ.” Dustin panicked, watching as Mike took the wooden spoon from Jonathan and helped place it inside El’s mouth for her to bite down on. You felt your stomach turn for the worse. Anxiety building up only higher when you watched as Jonathan held the knife right above the wound on her leg. 

 “Okay, try not to hit an artery or something.” you gulped looking over at Jonathan.

 “Holy shit. Holy shit.”  Dustin muttered at that.

 “Yeah, thanks for the reminder, Henderson.” Jonathan glared before he shook his head. 

 There’s a tick of a pause before he glanced around the group. Somewhat in disbelief of what he was about to do. Mike quickly brought him back to focus. “Do it.” he encouraged, bracing El against him.

 The rest of the group can only watch in horror as he slid the knife down the shin of her leg. Nasty thick blood oozed out from the wound as El cried out against the wood. Sounding the worst she has so far. 

 Once Jonathan managed to get a deep enough cut, he dropped the knife to his side. Looking a little bit squeamish himself as he slowly brought a gloved hand over the wound. Even though you have a pretty good idea of what he was about to do. Nothing could prepare you for the sight of seeing his fingers slip inside. 

 Everyone gasped out loud, following El’s screaming as your friend attempted to pull out whatever was squirming beneath her skin. To your right you watched as most of the kids stared in shock while the ever sympathetic Will burst into tears. Unable to bear hearing his friend in pain.

 “Jonathan!” Nancy panicked, watching as his attempts turned futile.

 “Stop talking!” he barked back, keeping his focus.

 He eventually moved too roughly, making El spit out the wooden spoon from her mouth. Begging for him to stop. Everything felt too intense and you turned your body away, feeling like you couldn’t see another second. Steve, who you didn’t even know was crouched behind you, helped pull you up from the floor. Letting you shield your gaze against his shoulder.

 “Stop, stop!” El cried behind you. “I can do it.” she whimpered. Her voice was so small and so scared that it brought an ache to your chest. You turned slowly, keeping close to your cover as you watched El sit herself up.

 Though she was slightly wobbly, she managed to get up enough that she could stretch her arm out over her leg. Letting her hand raise just above the wound. You reached down to Steve’s arm, gripping tight as you braced for what she would do next. 

 The poor girl began to cry out in pain again, and while she was screaming for God, you all watched as whatever was stuck in there began to squirm again. The squelching of her skin and blood louder than ever as she used her powers to drag it out. 

 All around you the air became intense, almost vibrating with every yell that fell past El’s lips. It got so intense in fact, that the glass walls of the stores around the group shattered at her long guttural cry. 

 For a moment she raised up what looked like a slug. Dangling it in the air before she shot it across the room. The creature crawled away for a few steps before a hard boot stamped down on top of it. It would seem the final members of the party had finally arrived. 

  The group migrated over towards the familiar fountain you had spent so many days on this summer. Catching up the adults and the scoops team with the events that had happened while you guys were all away. Robin, who was still very confused and most likely tired, had moved in to lean against your back at the fountain. At this point, you couldn’t help but feel the same sentiments as her. Wondering just how a thirty foot monster, as Jonathan claimed, managed to be unseen by most of the residents of Hawkins.

 “Okay, so just to be clear, this..this big fleshy spider thing that hurt El, it’s some kind of gigantic..weapon?” Steve asked, possibly just as lost as you and Robin felt. 

 “Yes.” Nancy said quickly.

 “But instead of, like, screws and metal, the Mind Flayer made its weapon with melted people.” 

 “Yes, exactly.” Nancy replied again, sounding tired.

 “Yeah, okay.” he said slowly. “I–Yeah, I’m just making sure.” he peeked over his shoulder to give you a familiar tired look. All you could do is give a half shrugged reply.

 “Are we sure this thing is still out there, still alive?” Joyce asked skeptically. 

 “El beat the shit out of it, but, yeah, it’s still alive.” Max confirmed. You glanced over to El who was being nursed silently in Hopper’s arms. Her poor face was tired and defeated. Possibly from all the hard work she’s done in the day.

 “But if we close the gate again..” Will started to suggest.

 “We cut the brain off from the body.” Max continued for him before Lucas finished.

 “And kill it..theoretically.”

 While the idea seemed like the smartest thing for the group to do. There were a couple of other factors this time that made it a little bit hard. Like El being practically out of commission this time. 

 “Yoo-hoo!” yelled a deep voice from down the mall. The sweaty bald man from before came running back towards the group. Flailing around papers in his hands. He walked past the group of kids to go over to one of the tables. Hopper gently removed El from his side, getting up with a tired groan to the table with the other man. Joyce was a step behind, moving to sit down on one of the chairs. 

 “Okay, this is what Alexei called ‘the hub’.” he said out of breath. “Now, the hub takes us to the vault room.”

 “Okay, where’s the gate?” asked Hopper as he peered down the poor drawing.

 “Right here. I don’t know the scale on this, but I think it’s fairly close to the vault room, maybe fifty feet or so.”

 “More like five hundred.” Erica suddenly said, stepping forward. The balding man stared a bit taken back by her interruption. “What, you’re just gonna waltz in there like it’s commie Disneyland or something?”

 “I’m sorry, who are you?” the man asked calmly. 

 “Erica Sinclair. Who are you?”

 “Murray..Bauman.” 

 The name sparked a sudden reminder to you. Where had you heard that name before? Glancing around, you tried to figure out if anyone knew who this guy was until you caught eyes with Jonathan. For some reason he was giving you his regular pleading look, almost when he’s usually trying not to get you to speak out on something.

 “Listen, Mr. Bunman, I’m not trying to tell you how to do things, but I’ve been down in that shithole for twenty-four hours. And with all due respect, you do what this man tells you, you’re all gonna die.” she said, warning the other two adults. Hopper couldn’t help but stare down at Erica curiously.

 “I’m sorry, why is this four-year-old speaking to me?” scoffed Murray. 

 “Um, I’m ten, you bald bastard!”

 “Erica!” Lucas chided.

 “Just the facts!”

 “Facts.” you repeated, slowly getting up from your spot. “Wait a damn minute!” The group slowly watched as you made your way over to the table. “You’re that pervy investigative journalist that Jonathan told me about!” 

 Murray turned pale a bit. Eyes shifting over between you and the other two adults beside him as he quickly shook his head. “Do me a favor and keep your thoughts and alcohol to yourself. If you actually listen to the kid’s idea, you guys might just make it through this alive.” you frowned, pushing Erica behind you a bit to keep her distance from the man.

 “Well, now hold just a moment.” He choked out. “That’s not what–“.

 “She’s right.” Dustin cut in. “About the listening part at least. You’re all gonna die, but don’t have to.” He inched forward to the table. Before he glanced up to Murray. “Excuse me.” he cleared his throat. “Sorry, may I?” he pointed.

 “Please.” Murray said bitterly. 

 Dustin and Erica moved to sit down on the other open chairs, leaning in closer to look at the plans that had been drawn out. “Okay, see this room here?” he asked, circling the paper with a pencil. “This is a storage facility. There’s a hatch in here that feeds into their underground ventilation system.” He continued to drag the pencil across the paper until he got what looked like the machine that was attempting to get the gate open. “That will lead you to the base of the weapon. It’s a bit of a maze down there, but between me and Erica, we can show you the way.”

 Wait, what did he just say?

 “You can show us the way?” Hopper asked slowly. 

 “Don’t worry, you can do all the fighting and the dangerous hero shit, and we’ll just be your navigators.” 

 “No.” Hopper said simply, giving you a small bit of relief. 

 “For once I am with the old bastard.” you sighed, moving to place a hand on Dustin’s shoulder. “I am not about to let either one of you go back down there with all those damn Russians again.”

 “Seriously?” Dustin asked looking up at you. “But we know the place! We were able to find you and get the three of you out of there.” He frowned, glancing at the two scoopers. 

 “It’s a no, sorry.” you shrugged, not really budging on the matter. Hopper looked over at you, seemingly the same for once before he turned back to Dustin. Shaking his head with a small shrug.

 “Nope.”

 Everyone sort of dispersed into different areas after the failed meeting. Each of you trying to settle down for a moment while the adults seemed to figure out what the next step could be without involving the kids. You took the chance to give yourself a moment to wander off alone. 

 After the crazy past two days, you were sort of relieved to have the chance to have a minute where you didn’t have to worry about escaping out of the elevator or secret base. But it wasn’t too long until your brain caught up to the other situations you were in. 

 You’ve managed to find yourself leaning against the counter of the Great Cookie. A haunting reminder of the fact that the five of you had been there just minutes ago where you were most likely going to be killed off. 

 The memory of Steve looking over at you came back in your mind. Was he just as ready to embrace what happened next? Was that final shared glance something more between you two or just parting looks to someone he knew?

 “I see your overthinking face has come back.”

 Looking up from your lap, you watched as Steve slowly made his way over to you. Thankfully the swolleness in his eye looked a little better. Giving you the chance to look into his warm eyes again. 

 “It’s been a long day.” you managed to muster up eventually. “Or week should I say.”

 “The week is long.” he drawled out, using his best Russian accent. When you didn’t laugh, he moved over to stand beside you against the counter. Watching you carefully before he extended his hand out, palm side up. “How are you holding up?”

 You don’t take his hand into yours, choosing to cross your arms over your chest. It hurt too much to seek comfort in Steve again after what you were just thinking. You hated that despite being so unsure of how he felt, you still sought out to be comforted by him. 

 It would be best to push away that urge from now on. Especially after everything you had seen. But still, you can’t help but speak out at least what you were just muddling over. “We almost died..” you whispered, keeping your gaze down on the ground. “There were so many moments I thought I was going to..”

 “Be killed?” he tried to finish when your voice had drifted off. You slowly shook your head, meeting his gaze again.

 “Lose you.” you finished. 

 Steve’s breath shuddered at that and he again tried to reach out to you but you hopped off from the counter to pace while you worked out the emotions suddenly pulling out. “I heard you, you know?” you said softly. “When they were hurting you..they made me listen and..I-I kept hearing how much pain you were in.” There’s a water sting to your eyes that you quickly wipe away. 

 “Honey..” Steve said, sounding a little choked up. 

 “I’ve never heard you sound so scared and so..broken.” you interrupted, not sure what he could even say to make it all better. “It was like being in my own personal hell.”

 He stayed silent this time. Only taking a small tentative step closer. 

 “Then I found out you’re alive and I felt hope again. Despite almost being taken out, I was just happy that the kids and you guys were alive. It motivated me to keep going.” You slowly made your way towards him. Watching as his hands flexed at his sides. “We found you guys both so drugged out of your minds.”

 “So out of it.” he chuckled a bit.

 “But it just brought the two of you closer..right?” 

 He seemed to think it over, not realizing how much his answer would affect you. “I think we’re pretty damn close now. It kinda happens when you go through what she and I did.” There’s an amused sort of smile on his face. Possibly with whatever memory he’s recalling, but you can’t help but feel it break your heart a bit. 

 You brought your hand up again to wipe away the fallen moisture from your eyes. Embarrassed that your worst assumptions were slowly becoming true. Steve didn’t owe you anything this summer. Not his feelings, not his friendship, nothing. 

 “What’s wrong?” he asked softly, trying to reach out for you again.

 “I’m okay.” Clearing your throat, backing up enough that you could look into his eyes. Ignoring the worry that was clearly evident now. “I just can’t wait to get out of this mall. I’m kind of sick of this place.”

 He gave you a sad small smile as he nodded his head sympathetically. “Yeah, me too.”

 “But at least you got something out of it, right?” While your heart felt like it was breaking, you’d do one last thing as a friend for Steve. Give him the chance to go for something that might actually be good for him.

 “I’m not sure I follow.” he frowned, looking at you curiously. 

 “You got the right girl for once.” pointing over to where Robin had been resting.

 Steve’s eyes widened at your words, looking taken back before he followed to where you were pointing to. “Wait, what?” he gaped. But you quickly shake your head, reaching out finally to place your hands on top of his.

 “Steve, it’s okay.” you reassured him. “You don’t have to lie to me. I know you like Robin.” 

 “Like Robin? What are yo–”

 “I know that you guys have gotten close. She’s cute, funny, and smart. Anyone would like her. And I-I promise, I won't be mad. I’ll stay out of the way, find some other guy to be a bitch to and just let you finally move on.” The words felt heavy and you tried your best not to let yourself fall apart. But if there was another second that you guys might be in danger again. You wanted to give Steve the chance to be with the girl that he actually likes for once and not stand in the way.

 “Now wait just a second.” Steve started, but you held up a hand, pulling yourself away from Steve’s side. 

 “I know that what we had was just friends being close and having fun. I’ll still be your friend. But you have the chance to be with the right girl for once.” Looking over at Robin one more time, you watched as the girl glanced at where you two were. A confused look etched on her face. 

 “There’s still time to tell her.”

 You were about to take a step over to bring the girl over when Steve’s hand wrapped around your wrist, pulling you back to his side so fast that you stumbled into his arms. He didn’t say anything as he brought his hand up to cup the side of your face. Rubbing the pad of his thumb gently over your cheek before he pressed his lips against yours.

 The kiss was so deep and so..passionate. It had your whole body melting against him. And while you were just wanting to go make sure these two got together, you couldn’t stop yourself as you kissed him back with just the same amount of passion. Bringing a hand up to curl around the base of his neck as to bring him closer.

 When you’re both in need of air, Steve was the first to pull back. But not stopping himself from pecking over your lips and face as he panted softly. “How could you not see it?” he asked with a heavy breath.

 “See what?” you whispered, pulling your face back to look at his. There was a hard furrow to his brow, as if he were confused. 

 “See that I’m already with the right girl.” Reaching down for your hands, he brought them up to his lips. Pressing kisses against your finger tips before he placed them to rest down on his chest. Making you feel his quick heartbeat. “How can you be so smart but not see at all that I am completely, head over heels in love with you?”

 Your jaw slacked as you stared wide eyed at Steve. “..What?”

 “I’ve loved you for a while now. And it sucked having to pretend that I don’t.” he sighed with a head shake. “I hated seeing other guys flirt with you and get to hang out with you when it should have been me you do stuff with. I also hated flirting with other girls and acting like I gave a damn about what they were doing when all I wondered was what you were up to. And I especially hated kissing you one night, holding you in my arms but not being able to do something simple as hold your hand the next day.”

 The memory of a drugged up Steve being so happy to simply holding hands came to your mind. Was it really like this the whole time? It’s been so long since the Snowball dance and you were so sure he’d never see you as anything but a friend. 

 “But..you never made a move! You wanted us to be friends!”

 Stepping closer, he leaned down enough that he could press his forehead against yours. “You know what was the one thing I couldn't shut up about this whole summer? You. All I could mention and think about is you. And whatever you think was happening between me and Robin? There’s nothing because I love you and I want you.”

 “I’m sorry to press in on a time like this.” 

 The two of you glanced to your right to find a nervous Robin had stepped forward. “I don’t like Steve! I like him as a friend, but I don’t LIKE him.” she said quickly, eyes shifting between the two of you before she focused back onto your face. “Honestly, I think I'd like you more than I'd ever like Steve in that way.” 

 You can’t help but feel a little confused by her reply, but nodded your head anyway. Trying to wrap your head around what they were both saying. “I’m sorry, it's just..the hand holding, the bathroom, and just everything. I felt like I was probably stepping in the way of something good from happening.”

 “Something good did happen.” Robin admitted, stepping over to gently slap at Steve’s shoulder. “But it’s just me realizing that maybe Steve Harrington is a pretty good schmuck.”

 Steve, who had been looking down at you with a small smile, finally turned back to Robin, motioning his head towards where she had been standing before. “I got this.” He reassured her softly. 

 She got the hint and gave a small thumbs up, making a turn to go back before she stopped suddenly. She had taken only one step before swiftly turning around so that she could lean in close to you and wrap you in a quick hug. “He wouldn’t stop telling me how much he liked you in that bathroom by the way.”she whispered into your ear before she pulled back with a small grin. “Just thought you should know.”

 Once she was back to her original spot, you turned to give Steve your attention again. Again his dark eyes are staring down at you with such warmth and love to them. You felt like slapping yourself for not realizing his feelings sooner. 

 Reaching up to cup the back of his neck, you pulled him down and gently pressed your lips on his once more. Needing to give back some of the love you’ve been holding back. He happily kissed back. Lips curling into a smile against yours while he draped his arms around your sides, pulling you tightly to his chest. 

 “In case you can’t tell from my kiss,” you whispered, nose nudging lightly against his. “I love you, too.”

 The confession had him grinning ear to ear as he lightly shook his head. Almost in disbelief before he decided to pepper your face with kisses. It brought out a giggle from you, and it wasn’t until you reached out to cup the sides of his face that you managed to pause his love attack. 

 But that didn’t falter Steve at all. He only looked at you with the same goofy grin as he rubbed his hands at your sides. Soaking in the moment he seemed to have been waiting for. “I love you so much.” he chuckled softly, leaning in once more before the sound of someone clearing their throat cut in.

 “Finally.” 

 “GROSS.”

 Behind you, was a very smug looking Jonathan and a shocked Dustin with his arms crossed over his chest. “Sorry to cut in but we uh, we got a plan.” Jonathan said with a clap to Dustin’s back. “If you guys are done stating the obvious already.”

 You tried to glare over at your friend for his teasing and make him feel bad for ruining the moment. But even from where you stood, you could tell by Jonathan’s eyes that there was a small happy look to what he was seeing.

 “We’ll be right there.” you called out, watching as Jonathan gave you an approved nod. He silently helped remove the upset Dustin. Giving you and Steve just one last bit of privacy. The poor boy could only point in disapproval over at the two of you as he was dragged off. 

 “Where were we?” Steve asked softly, gripping at the tip of your chin. You happily closed your eyes, leaning in for one more kiss. But not without hearing one last reaction from your cousin. 

 “I can’t believe this. My stupid cousin and my stupid friend together?”

 “You really didn’t expect this to happen, Henderson?”

 “I mean..no not really.”

 “Seriously? Why not?”

 “I never thought Steve would make a move...”

A/N: THEY DID IT KIDS! THEY FINALLY DID THE THING. DIFJSDFJKSD IT’S BEEN HOW MANY CHAPTERS?! Hope you guys enjoy it 🩷

[yourstrulylordi]

Dear Kathryn Hahn,

I’m writing to you because everything is your fault.

Ever since I got married to my beautiful wife I haven’t had a crush on anyone else. I suppose the only celebrity crush I’ve had is Jennifer Beals as Bette Porter on The L Word but that’s okay because I’ve liked since way before I ever met my wife, so that never caused a problem.

Well now you came along with Agatha Harkness and my little autistic antennas go absolutely bonkers and HELLO! NEW HYPERFIXATION UNLOCKED! So yeah… this is all your fault. Probably Jac Schaeffer too, but I’ll leave her out of it for now.

For the last weeks I’ve been completely immersed in Agatha All Along, watching every week’s episode, analyzing scenes and clues, studying the characters, sharing ideas and theories with strangers on the internet. This TV show started to heal something inside of me, this isn’t a story about witches, this is a story about women, about life, about finding one’s power. I’ve been finding my own power, I’ve been finding my voice and I have been fighting my biggest fear, which is to be seen. I’ve been reaching out to people whom I love and miss but I didn’t feel worthy of their love. I’ve been meditating, working on my emotions and negative thoughts. Trying to focus on the positive.

I’ll tell you a bit about us.

My wife and I are autistic, we both battle depression and anxiety, she also has OCD, so we deal with a handful but we are a team. We love each other so much and we are each other’s biggest fans.

My wife, she’s so precious, she’s beautiful, smart, witty, creative, intuitive, loving, funny, kind, a fighter, and is willing to give a lot for the people that she loves. But she’s so fucking terrified of living, she’s so angry at the world. She’s scared of being herself, of being seen, of being rejected, of being left, of failing, sometimes I think she is also afraid of succeeding and being accepted. She’s mad at the world for all the time it has failed her, for how mean and heartless people have been to her and are to others, for how selfish we as a society have become, always pursuing our own agenda and completely ignoring the well being of others and our planet, she’s mad because she’s also often misunderstood and made to be the “problem” (which also makes me mad), she’s always made to be too sensitive, too sick, too emotional.

She thinks she’s ugly and unattractive, but Kathryn… everyday I wake up and look at her I can’t believe how fucking lucky I am to be with her. We fought so incredibly hard for us to be together, I pretty much left everything behind and flew across the world to be by her side and I don’t regret it one bit. She’s my miracle. She gives me strength and hope and motivates me to want to get better and healthy and want to see the good things she sees in me.

So back to our problem… Agatha All Along. The real problem arose when I developed a celebrity crush on you… or on Agatha? I don’t know. My wife’s had a fair amount of boy crushes, the current one is basically present in our everyday life, we bought his vynils, I bought her a sweatshirt and a t-shirt from his merch, we have a poster of him on our bedroom wall, we watched livestreams of his performances all summer long, watched interviews, documentaries, I’ve learned all conspiracy theories about him, and I now find myself listening to his music on my own. At first I felt so hurt and jealous, like I wasn’t enough for my wife, I felt like she would leave me for a man similar to the crush, I felt like I wasn’t giving her what she needed so she had to seek for it elsewhere. But I knew deep down those were my own insecurities, I knew she loved me, I knew she makes a choice everyday to be with me, so I worked through the feelings and thoughts. I talked to her about how it made me feel, I cried, she cried, she promised she would stop liking him, I begged her not to because I knew it gave her a break from pain and obsessive thoughts and depression and anxiety and all her demons. She felt ashamed because she shouldn’t obsess about things like that, she’s 31, she should grow up. I don’t think so, I think it’s beautiful the childlike energy and passion she gives her interests and hobbies.

I know myself, as an autistic woman, that the way we experience life is different, we feel so deeply, when we like something it becomes a deep part of our personality, when we’re happy we feel endless and powerful, when we’re in pain we feel the deepest darkness within us to the point we think it might kill us. I love her autistic joy and I love mine. I don’t want her to repress any part of herself just because of my own traumas and insecurities. I want to work through them, because she’s not doing it to hurt me, she’s just enjoying life to the best of her abilities.

I know that all what I was thinking and feeling… she probably thinks it about herself. She thinks there’s something wrong with her, that she’s the reason why I am so obsessed with this fictional character, that she’s not enough, that I’ll leave her for a woman that fits the image of Agatha Harkness.

Dear Kathryn Hahn, you’re beautiful and charismatic, but even if you knocked on my door on that fabulous outfit that Agatha wears when summoning the road on episode two and offered to take me, marry me, give me the world…. I’d ask for a picture and then close the door and go back to the arms of my beautiful wife.

I want her to know that, I want her to understand why I love Agatha so much, why I’m so passionate about this show. It isn’t about how hot you are or wanting to cheat on my wife. It’s about the story, it’s about Agatha and her relationships and losses, how she coped different than me with abuse and became a selfish asshole. I became an asshole to myself, I have spent years insulting myself, punishing myself, telling myself I’m bad and ugly and stupid and unworthy. I’m fascinated by the two polar opposites, I see what could’ve become of me. I don’t like who Agatha became and I don’t like who I became either. I want to find the light and power inside of me, I want to let myself be seen, be heard, be loved. I want to give the world a chance before it’s too late, cause after all Death does come for as all.

I want that life and I want my wife to have it too. I want her so badly to see how amazing she is, she doesn’t let herself be seen either, she masks as the person “she’s supposed to be”, and that’s so exhausting, I know it from experience. I want her to be unapologetically herself, I want her to say what she needs and wants, I want her to be loud, to say no, to try new things and enjoy failing, falling, and trying again. I want her to let herself shine because she’s my light, she saved me and she keeps saving me every fucking day.

I’m struggling because even though I know and understand how she feels… I know rationally that her feelings and my feelings are valid, that I didn’t intentionally hurt her and I am trying my best to be the best wife…. I feel like a piece of shit, I feel like I’m the biggest asshole, I feel like I should punish myself, throw away my AAA hoodie, cancel Disney+, self harm, do things that aren’t good for me, I want to hurt myself, I want to break me for hurting her.

I feel the same way she felt about her interest… embarrassed and like I should grow up and not like things so deeply.

I feel so undeserving of the tiny beautiful things. Depression is so crippling and debilitating… If I have to fight so hard for every breath of air am I deserving at all? Maybe I should just give up. But I know that’s not the solution.

Dear Kathryn Hahn, I know non of this is your fault. I know you haven’t done anything wrong at all, but it’s easier to blame you because you’ll never read this and it means it isn’t my fault.

Dear Kathryn Hahn… why?

Yours truly,

Lordi

[flavorous-tea]

Future Fanfics (By Me)

Basically: some ideas ive had on the backburner for quite a while now, and I'd like some motivating words or feedback if you'd be interested in reading them. please let me know the general consensus for these or they might never get up off the ground.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED - please dont steal these ideas they mean so much to me🥲 and also pls dont leave any nasty or hateful comments. this is a safe space so move on if you dont like the content.

Fandoms: AOT, Haikyu!!, Raya and The Last Dragon, Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (just hear me out)

In Memory of You - Bokuto Kotaro x Akaashi Keiji

→ blurb: Akaashis anxiety-ridden mind is the only thing that ever truly breaks him. And it knows how to in the most excrutiating ways

OR

Akaashi dreams of a life without Bokuto and loses himself along the way

→ basically: A Christmas Carol theme (i.e. past, present, future,) of their relationship in Akaashis dream. Post Time-Skip

→ featuring: Fukurodani team members, established kuroken, established relationship, smut, fluff, personal headcannons, bo being the best husband forever <3, mentions and implications of mental illness, panic/anxiety attacks, minor character death, homophobia, coming out, implied sex as minors, domesticism, cheating, etc.

→ excerpt:

"We're sorry, the number you have dialed--"

Akaashi exhales, finally realizing he was holding his breath in the first place.

And he doesnt know why, but he cannot inhale. His hand comes to his chest, roaming, finding the clog in his throat, reaching for the reason he cannot breathe. But he cannot find any. 

He shuts his tired eyes crushingly while his hand travels over his collar bones, his chest, wishing they were Bokutos. And then, the phone in his other hand begins to vibrate.

He can breathe again.

Until you Came Along - Ushijima Wakatoshi x Tendou Satori

→ blurb: Tendou, or "The Heartless Monster", has never been afraid to do what he wants; damn the consequences. Hes never known fear.

But when a tall, sensical (and very good looking) man shows up on his door step, the unfamiliar feelings he had buried long ago claw into the deepest parts of him until hes being torn apart from the inside out.

→ basically: "guess monster" tendou is now "heartless monster" with zero emotional intelligence until Ushijima moves in next door and rearranges his entire view on life. everybodys 3rd years.

→ featuring: pretty much everyone in Haikyuu but in one school, Bullying, violence, eccentric and flamboyant tendou, canon Ushijima (mostly), emotional unavailability/ignorance, trauma, cheating, parental abuse, drug use, theft, etc.

→ excerpt:

"But it hurts.” he smiled like a mad man, his face wet with tears. “...I don’t want to lose him, Semi. I can’t lose him. God, I’m so scared.” He practically breathed the words out, his voice barely rising over a whisper. But despite the low tone, anyone could hear from a mile away how scared Tendou was.

Take Me Back (and keep me there) - Sakusa Kiyoomi x Atsumu Miya

→ Blurb: "I wish we never met." Sakusa gritted out.

It were those words spoken without thinking that ultimately turned Sakusas entire life around--he had no idea that when he woke up the next morning, it would be to an unfamilar life... with Atsumus existence forgotten to the world, living only in his memory.

OR

be careful what you wish for.

→ featuring: Fantasy elements, Osamu, Alternate Universe, Emotional abuse, toxicity, established relationship, getting together, Sakusas a huge dick but grows and learns from his mistakes, Atsumu haunts the narrative, violence, confusion (lots of it), etc. more TBD

→ excerpt:

Atsumu lifted accusing hands to his chest. “I could have lost my job, Omi! What the fuck were you thinking!?”

“Sorry for trying to make you feel better!”

“You did that all for yourself, don’t lie to me! Because you can't handle not being in control of everything, you selfish bastard!”

Opposites Attract (but for all the wrong reasons) - Tsukishima Kei x Yamagucci Tadashi

→ blurb: ...undetermined.

→ featuring: canon universe, established Kagehina, karasuno team, friends with benefits, situationship, Tsukkiyamas third year, oikawa/yamagucci, nsfw, punkyama (iykyk), hurt/comfort, emotional abuse, psychological games/torment, mutual pining, etc.

→ excerpt (implied smut):

They contrasted each other. Like hot water on frozen hands. Like cold fingers across warm cheeks. Tsukki’s fingers stayed cold against his hips and his neck, his thighs, even when they traced tiny patterns on his spine and hips to drive any coherent thoughts from his brain. He remained cold throughout it all.

TITLE TBD - Bokuto Kotaro x Akaashi Keiji

→ blurb: Akaashi reminicses on a time when he and Bokuto were truly in love - before the countless acts of infidelity and abuse.

→ basically: god! au (giggling and kicking my feet) where bokuto is zeus and akaashi is hera

→ featuring: hurt no fucking comfort, sad and happy memories, getting together, infidelity, self harm, violence, gods :), perhaps kagehina, kuroken, and other ships, parenting, etc.

→ no excerpt yet :(

TITLE TBD - Raya x Namaari

→ blurb: After reuniting all of Kumandra, life becomes what Rayas young self had once only dreamed of. But that little girl turned to stone along with her Ba after years of solitude and mistrust. Can she find a way to let go of her fears, once and for all, in an unassuming friend turned foe turned...ally? Neither Namaari nor Raya know the answer until it is too late for them both.

→ featuring: forced proximity, mutual pining, trust issues, metaphors upon metaphors ("thank you Ba," we all say in unison), enemies to lovers (duh), trauma, PTSD, homosexual thoughts, first kiss, etc.

→ excerpt:

"Now, what am I missing between you and Miss Namaari?” He implies, looking into the direction of the kitchen doors leading out into the large dining area. Raya looks behind her, in the direction of her fathers eyes, and is instead met with another pair that quickly avert themselves. Namaari had been staring at her.

Raya turns back around, suddenly feeling feverish, and begins, “Um. I—We…” Raya, suddenly lost for words, wonders what exactly did happen between them.

TITLE TBD - Puss in Boots x Death

(please just bare with me)

→ blurb: Puss has had many adventures since his last encounter with Death, but now his time is up. As promised, Death is there to catch him when he falls and deliver him between worlds and into Deaths realm. But what they didn't expect was an understanding to form between them without hostility. Puss and Death spend a minute and a lifetime together as they travel through Puss’ past and into his future, and when he has a decision to make—reincarnate or stay a lost soul—he decides he doesn't hate the inbetween option: staying by Death's side.

→ featuring: established kitty/puss, fairytails, headcannons of future puss adventures, canon personalities, headcannons on Deaths backstory, vulnerablity, friendship, etc. idk yet man.

→ excerpt:

But at the top of that hill, under that shade, in that breeze, El Lobo explains that there wasn't a childhood to have. He was born death, and he would die death. “How… does that work, anyway? How does death… die?”

The Weight of a Thousand Words (i will never be able to say out loud) - Erwin Smith x Levi Ackerman

→ blurb: The minute details of Levis life after Erwins Death, basically.

→ featuring: depression, sleep deprivation, suicidal thoughts, ackerbond, hange <3, eren, armin, whoever else idk, hurt/little comfort, regrets, violence, etc.

→ excerpt:

Oh, the hopelessness of watching a parent cry. Hange feels this hopelessness now as tears stain her shoulder. Levi is silent all the while. The silence speaks a thousand unspoken words she wishes he would just scream.

On the Winning Side - Erwin x Levi (<3)

→ blurb: In the midst of a national conflict, Commander Erwin Smith of Marley and Captain Levi Ackerman of Paradis Island find themselves on opposite sides of a bitter war, each determined to lead their nation to victory. But when fate intervenes and their paths unexpectedly cross, sparks fly in ways neither could have imagined. As they navigate the treacherous waters of love amidst duty and honor, they must confront whether their newfound bond can survive the brutal realities of war. Will their love conquer all, or will the ravages of battle leave them both brusied and bloody beyond repair?

→ featuring: violence, gore, politics, cultural references(?), smut, vulgar language and description, romeo-and-juliet-esque, enemies to lovers on an entire diff level, betrayal, etc. more tbd.

→ no excerpt yet...

thats it. PLEASEEE let me know what you think, itll drive me to finish and post these (on ao3/wattpad)

©All Rights Reserved. Plagarism not authorized.

[soccerpunching]

3,4,5,10 and 15 for Kaleidoscope? (Also maybe extra question: Do the OG ina11 characters that didn't appear in go (ex: Jin, Shorinji) appear in this story?)

Thanks for being patient! I had trouble with choosing which narration and dialogue to take from this fic and there are not that many things that didn’t show spoilers for something in the story. Just a reminder also that this is from my rough drafts so expect grammar fails waaaahhh!

Kaleidoscope

(canon compliant from s1 to galaxy; a queer story; taking place 1 year after the events of inago)

3: What's your favorite line of narration?

Context: Endou is not and will not be romantically involved with Gouenji in this story. He’s married to Natsumi like in canon and that’s not about to change or will ever be implied to be challenged. Both Natsumi and Endou are not straight nor monogamous too.

In this scene, it’s the dead of the night. Raimon Eleven (go) had an overnight camping in the school (like the og did in s1 before the match vs Zeus). Something came up and Gouenji was his last saving grace but he was angry to be called for something unserious when he thought there was an emergency (he’s wearing jacket over his sleeping clothes even as he rushed to get there). Endou then “weaponizes” his doe eyes on Gouenji. I love this because it’s so silly and doesn’t reveal much of the plot but does say a lot about their bond.

Raimon Eleven just saw their coach at his most pitiable and couldn’t react. All they knew was that if he ever used that on them, they’d fold immediately; that’s not a sight they could stand to watch. That being said, the legendary flame striker’s gait was not only unaffected but had also become more fierce than they remember; eyes glinted and jaw hardened. Anxiety rose from them as they watched Gouenji’s face hard and uncaring… until he breathed. Sighed. “Well, I’m already here, aren’t I?” He begrudgingly closed his eyes and slipped his hands inside his pockets. The frightened team collectively sighed in relief, Gouenji seemed to calm down. Just when they were about to lower their guard, a blinding light came from their coach’s face. “Gouenji, you really are heaven's gift to me!” Endou beamed at the unimpressed striker. He clung to his arm in full splendor and what the kids would only call a desperate act of placation.  “Thank you so much!!” Some sensed a tiny change in Gouenji’s expression. He impassively let himself get dragged by his best friend without making an effort to push him away. The audience looked at the scene for a while before making a move. “Well, there’s a sight.” Without vocally acknowledging Kurama’s observation, the players all soundlessly followed the two to the scene of the crime.

4: What's your favorite line of dialogue?

I’m giving you two of them because I cannot choose!!

1. Context: [This one is still a script] This scene takes place in the opening of the first Football Frontier since Holy Road was abolished and Gouenji is still the chairman of youth soccer. He went to where the Raimon Eleven was waiting for Haruna in the parking lot riding a motorbike with her at the back before going to the stadium’s VIP room.

Endou: Yo! Shouldn’t you be even earlier than us, Chairman? *teases* Gouenji: *opens his helmet; voice muffled; makes no move to turn off engine or get off* I’m considered early, you know. Otonashi: *just takes helmet off as she jumps off* I’m sorry! That was on me!! You went out of your way for me, Gouenji-san! Gouenji: *raises his brow* Like I said, I'm considered early still. He just wanted me to be late. Endou made a loud chuckle that some were convinced echoed in the whole parking lot. Gouenji: See? *extends one of his arm to take the helmet from Haruna and hangs it on the throttle* He's just counting on me being late for something all the time. - other dialogues that I can’t reveal yet - Gouenji: *looks at the signages* This is far away from the entrance I should be using. See you later, everyone. *looks around as if looking for where he should be going then turns the throttle* Endou: Make me dinner if you do get late!! Gouenji: Jinx me and you’ll never taste my cooking again! *drives away* Endou: *waves and laughs* 

I keep on putting in all the parts with Endou because he's just such a guy!!

2. Context: My 13yo OC (named Yori) is in the process of being adopted by Kidou, now age 25 here. Kidou got angry at someone that I won’t be mentioning here and Yori witnessed that. They left the scene together…

“Whaaa!!” Yori barely stopped himself from colliding at Kidou’s back. The adult turned around, his head hanging solemnly with an indescribable expression. “I’m sorry, Yori. You didn’t need to see that.” His cracked voice pierced a knife on Yori’s chest. That was not something he knew the absolute commander of the field to be. He was always sure of himself, outspoken, snarky even; and his head would only lower for empathy. Yori tried to find the words to get him back to his usual self, “Oh… that’s…” “I should be better than showing such pettiness in your presence,” he said barely with a better tone than he did his last.  “Uh– you’re allowed to feel how you feel, Yuuto-san,” Yori stated with the confident tone Kidou usually had. “Besides, [Redacted] prefers that people tell him how they feel about him upfront. Like you did.” “I know, but this isn’t about him—” “—And I prefer knowing about how you really feel about things, too.” Kidou stared at him for a long while with his mouth slightly open, a foreign sight to the child who had only known him at his best. He then smiled; a small one but meant a lot to Yori. “You’re a great kid. But don’t push yourself too much.” He squeezed his shoulder, teeth on his mouth now showing. Yori could hear the gratitude in his revived voice. “The adults should be the one taking care of you.” Kidou looked at him more before motioning to continue walking. Yori smiled at Kidou’s back, guided by the memories they shared for the brief time they’ve known each other. ‘You already are…’

5: What part was hardest to write?

The story being OC-centric in general. It was difficult for me to find that balance on how much I should be showing the other characters and their side of things without coming off as if they’re stealing the OC’s show. Since my OC is a first year in middle school here who just enrolled in raimon and the other characters already went through their character arcs, it’s difficult to make a problem that they wouldn’t be able to solve for my OC. I found the solution to this by placing my OC in the 2nd team btw. Surprisingly easy solution but it also sounds like running away from the problem. But it went fine (I think) so far.

But concerning specific parts of the plot, all the emotional Kidou parts were devastating for me to write and I’m not talking about this one above. May the universe have mercy on this guy because my muse did not.

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Hmm… I don’t really have a pairing for my OC since he’s aroace and not interested in one but there are a lot of ships here that people may be interested in. The ships for the recurring supporting characters that I chose here all mostly serve narrative purposes (not that anybody needs to for a ship, mind you), while the background ones are just what I like. These are the ones I can say for now: Kageno x Other OC, Endou x Natsumi, Max x Handa, Someoka x Fubuki, Sakuma x Fudou x Genda, Midori x Akane… aaaaaaaaand more!!

I was planning to watch all of areori first before going midway here since they have interesting characters that I may be able to add. I have a concrete outline of what’s about to happen though but I want to be sure about where I want the story to go first before actually publishing this.

15: What did you learn from writing this fic?

A lot about how the professional soccer players in Japan live their lives ig and what do they usually do or what is usually the issue with them that the public is concerned about. Also on what happens to those who don’t pursue a soccer career when they were considered a prodigy when young. I learned a lot about the political diaspora and read a lot about how bigotry is shown. Now that I’ve mentioned it, most of what I know about Japan that’s not in our textbooks here and not shown in their shows or anime is because of this fic wow.

I’ve also got myself interested in their period dramas, thanks director and producer Kageno.

Also maybe extra question: Do the OG ina11 characters that didn't appear in go (ex: Jin, Shorinji) appear in this story?

YES THEY DO!! Thank you for asking that OMG! Actually this story itself is set in Inazuma Town where my OC basically lives his life and he stumbles into the og Raimon Eleven a lot!!

First responder and firefighter Max (also part time delivery person) usually will be seen waiting for his fiance Handa who is the coach of KFC. Shourin has his own dojo around town that incorporates hissatsu techniques in their style (he won’t be seen a lot though because I can’t think of a plot-relevant thing for him to do 😔). 

Kageno here is the director and producer of a show called Inazuma Eleven that’s literally just the entire first season of ie that tells THEIR story!! But with teen actors (surprise Actors AU!!! Everything that we’ve watched in the first season is everything that is part of this “based on a true story” series by Kageno but with a few episodes with contents I will add on a separate AO3 series).

My OC is the actor for Shishido so he also meets him on the set because Shishido likes crashing there! He gives Yori pointers on how to act him and overall adds good vibes to the cast in there! The other actors who are also in middle school are people my OC will also find as his opponents in the field because of course they know soccer!! I promise there’s a purpose as to why they have this series! Trust me!!

OMG thank you so much for sending this ask!! I enjoyed talking about this! Motivated me more to write about it!!

And yes, this is a very ambitious project. I’m not even sure if I can pull it off but I want to tell this story since it means a lot to me. Like personally. So, I’ll do my best!

Ask about my WIPs here

[jasonbehrs]

🎭 wear your heart where i can see 🎭

by airauralintensity (aka me, jasonbehrs!)

a dbsk fanfic about falling in love on a trial run

“But you’re a dude!” “That will continue to be true for every lesson in the curriculum, so I suggest you get over that quickly.”

ship: yunjae chapter: 8/10 word count: 2.4k+ rating: T+ for cursing

read it on ffnet, aff, ao3, or below!

~~~

As proof of what Jaejoong is choosing to call growth, the next time he hears from Yunho again, it doesn't make him regret all of his life choices and want to start over as a cat café part-time employee in Japan.

Hello, Jaejoong. I hope this message finds you well. I am reaching out because Boa wants to meet my best friend. Believe it or not, that's you. Sorry you have to find out this way. Do you think the three of us could grab lunch this weekend? On me, of course. Whether or not you can make it, please let me know. Take care, Yunho

Jaejoong snickers when Sooyoung finishes reading aloud. "Doesn't it read like an email between coworkers, not a teenager asking another teenager to hang out," he jibes as he opens and closes drawers in her room out of boredom.

"Apparently, though, the pleasure-to-have-in-class with undiagnosed anxiety is your type."

"Shut up!" He grabs a random shirt to throw at Sooyoung, who laughs as she bats it out of the air. "My type is guys with duality."

"Yunho has duality! His defense mechanisms are conformance to social etiquette and hand-to-hand combat."

He can't even meet her deadpan gaze for three seconds before they both burst into laughter. Maybe for other people it would be weird to share an ex with your best friend, but for the two of them it just gives them a new inside joke to add to their banter repertoire.

"So are you gonna go?" she asks once she has the air to spare.

Jaejoong keeps his arms loose and flops them around like a child who doesn't want to do what he's told. "I don't want to. It's only barely gotten easier to see them together at school. How am I supposed to spend an entire meal around them? And she knows us, too; she'll want to know how we met! I can't just tell her I taught him how to date so that he could be a better boyfriend to her… But on the other hand, if he's asking me, that means the hapkido team isn't an option; and it's not like Yunho has other friends. He's too busy dating anyone who'll ask to form genuine connections with people," he grouses.

"I can see you've really gotten over the whole falling-for-the-fake-boyfriend dilemma. I'm proud of you."

He sends her a withering look, and she responds with an air kiss.

"What would you do, Soo?"

"Honestly, under normal circumstances, I'd go just to see whether the new girl is a downgrade," she says frankly, "but we already know Boa."

"For your sake, I'll call her a downgrade."

"Yours, too." They share another laugh, neither of them under any delusions about where they rank compared to Kwon Boa.

"I think I know how you can answer the best friend origin story, though," Sooyoung continues. "You both know me. You could say you guys met while he and I were dating, and you got along well enough to keep being friends even after we broke up."

Her words remind Jaejoong of something. "Oh my god, wait. While you two were dating, you mentioned me, right? Like, in the context of being your best friend."

"Of course! Maybe even every day."

"You know he didn't even recognise my name that first time in Lotteria?" he recounts incredulously.

She almost falls over laughing. "You're kidding! Was that the first lesson you taught him? 'Pay attention to the supporting characters in your girlfriend's life story'?"

"No, but it was on the list!"

"The list that you never referred to ever again, that list?"

Jaejoong doesn't deign that with a response and instead gestures to his phone still in her hands. "It's probably still in my notes app."

Her eyes light up, but before she can scour for their comedic content this afternoon, his phone buzzes with another message from Yunho.

Or we could do Friday after school, the park by the Lotteria? Hopefully you'll be more inclined to attend if it doesn't cut into your weekend

"It's like he's in a competition to see who can be the most considerate teenager in South Korea, and the only one he's running against is himself," Sooyoung muses after they read it.

Jaejoong flops his whole body onto the bed next to her and groans. "Tell him I'll be there."

"Really?"

"Really. At this point in their relationship, it'll be weird if she and the best friend don't meet." He rolls onto his stomach and tries to imagine a world where his life wasn't ironic and complicated.

"Well, he's just asking for a favour, but you don't owe him anything. Who cares if it's weird?"

She's right, of course. He knows it'll be easier for basically everyone involved if he denies Yunho's request the same way he's been denying the other all along, but the thing about choosing acting as a hobby is the acute understanding of one's role in a narrative. In this story, he has been cast as Yunho's tutor-turned-best friend, and the call to fulfillment is stronger than his self-preservation. Besides, maybe this can be good for him. If he can survive one lunch as Yunho's friend and nothing more, it bodes well for being able to move on.

He thinks about trying to articulate all this to Sooyoung, but he knows she's in drama club for the thrill of a live performance, not for the joy of bringing a story to life. Not in the mood to explain, he mumbles "Whatever" into his crossed arms.

After a moment, she pokes his spine. "You're being so mopey. Here, this will make you feel better."

He gropes behind him aimlessly for whatever she wants him to see, and she gives him his phone back. When he looks at the screen, he sees his chat with Yunho open.

he can be your best friend, but i'm his! 😚✌️ but lol yeah he'll be there on fri

Below that is a picture of Sooyoung recreating the same emoji pose in front of his prone body lying face down on her floral bedspread.

"YAH! CHOI SOOYOUNG!"

~~~

Jaejoong waits at the park entrance closest to Lotteria internally chanting a litany of reminders.

He will do this as a show of support for Yunho's relationship. He will be charming and cool, and Boa will never suspect he's in love with her boyfriend. He will not look Jung Yunho in the eye so as to protect these goals.

"Hey."

So much for that last one.

"Yunho. Hey. Where's Boa?" He makes it a point to look around, mostly because he needs any excuse to stop making eye contact, but also due to misplaced hope that the act of searching will make her appear sooner. He wasn't expecting them to come separately, but this is fine. He can roll with the punches. They practise improv in drama club.

The other fidgets in a way that forebodes Jaejoong is not going to like what he hears next. "Um, she's not coming."

"What?"

He at least looks Jaejoong in the eyes when he admits, "I lied about that to get you out here. It's been hard to see you alone lately, and I really needed to talk to you."

Jaejoong won't deny that. As much as he wants to be offended at the duplicity, it is effective. "Well, I'm here."

Yunho nods but doesn't begin any of the talking he claimed he needed to do. Instead, he fidgets some more, which makes Jaejoong fidget too. He lied about practising improv in drama club. He sucks at improv.

"Can we walk?" Yunho speaks up eventually, gesturing to the walking path with jerky movements. Jaejoong nods simply because saying yes to everything is actually one of the few improvisational tenets he internalised, and now he's having difficulty decoupling this interaction from an acting exercise. All he can do is follow Yunho's lead.

They make it half a loop before Yunho says, "I need one more lesson."

Jaejoong's step falters. Is he serious? "Um, no you don't. You graduated. You've been graduated for almost a month now."

Yunho faces forward on their path ahead, but Jaejoong hasn't spent five weeks avoiding him to not know when Yunho's attention is on him. "You taught me how to start a relationship and keep it going, but not how to end one."

"What?" He does fully stop this time, and Yunho is still right beside him, still facing forward. Jaejoong watches his adam's apple bob, and he understands that he is not misunderstanding. "I get you dating the hottest piece in school, and you want to break up with her?! What the fuck are your standards that even Kwon Boa cannot meet them?" He is genuinely so flabbergasted and, if he's honest with himself, kind of heartbroken all over again. If Boa can't keep Yunho, no one can.

Yunho looks down, as if to think, and Jaejoong is already unimpressed with whatever he comes up with. "Her cooking isn't the greatest."

Jaejoong snorts. "I'm pretty sure Sooyoung told you to get over that."

"And you?" Yunho faces him full-on, and it's Jaejoong's turn to look away. "What do you think?"

He tsks. "If it bothers you so much, ask her to get cooking lessons. You could take them together, even; heaven knows you need it." On the surface, it's an insult. One layer below that, it still is; but on the layer below that, there's jealousy. That would be a really cute date idea, actually, and he hates that he is still in a position where he cannot refuse to give Yunho relationship advice.

"And what about the fact that none of her jokes make me laugh later when I think about them?"

"Sounds like you should learn to appreciate your girlfriend's sense of humour," he gets out through gritted teeth.

"There's nothing about her I feel the need to learn," Yunho presses.

That's it. Jaejoong whirls on Yunho, full of hurt feelings and frustration and weeks' worth of angst. "Maybe that's because you're actually a shitty boyfriend, and all the lessons in the world wouldn't fix that for you!"

As soon as he does it, he wishes he didn't. He's fucked up.

He's fully face to face with Yunho now, looking him in the eyes despite how Jaejoong told himself he wouldn't, and he can't look away. He hasn't seen Yunho this close in ages; he hasn't allowed himself to be the sole focus of Yunho's attention in just as long. He has always known the other to be conventionally attractive, but like this—eyes tracking Jaejoong's every move, jaw clenched with bitten-back words, uniform sleeves rolled up to his elbows—he just may be the most heartrending image Jaejoong's ever seen.

He is so enraptured by the sight that when Yunho comes closer, he doesn't back away. His eyes widen, not with fear but with the need to take more of him in. This close, he catches a whiff of Yunho's cologne, something sweet yet grounded.

"She isn't brazen enough."

Yunho's voice breaks his daze, and he stumbles back to put some distance between them. "Huh?"

He takes just one step closer, not close enough to make Jaejoong panic but simply to reclaim some measure of closeness. "She would never walk right up to a stranger, insult his interpersonal skills, and force him to let her fix him."

The entire world goes silent at once, or maybe Jaejoong can't hear anymore. Maybe Yunho's clear, implicating words were so loud that he actually blew out Jaejoong's eardrums. Maybe this is all a dream—because no way.

There is absolutely no fucking way Yunho is saying what Jaejoong thinks he's saying. He refuses to entertain the thought.

He turns on his heel and stalks away.

"Jaejoong, she isn't you!" Yunho exclaims as he catches up.

Jaejoong picks up his pace. "Shut up."

"I want to date you again."

"You don't know what you want."

"I think I've fallen in love with you—"

"—Do you even know what love is?!—"

"—and if I think about it some more, I think you've been avoiding me because you've fallen for me too."

"You should stop thinking!" Jaejoong stops and yells towards the ground. His legs twitch with the need to run away, but he won't even try to outrun Yunho.

He jerks away from Yunho's tentative touch on his clenched hands, and he refuses to feel anything but contempt for the pleading painted all over the other's face. He needs to end this, now. "You want a lesson in how to end relationships? Fine, watch closely. You and I? We're over. We were never anything to start with. You don't love me, you just miss me because apparently Boa isn't what you thought you wanted and it was easier with me, but guess what? Whatever we had together was a lie, and we're both stupid for believing in it. Don't go back to Boa if you don't want to, Yunho, but there's nothing left for you here."

Jaejoong expects a stricken look for his caustic comments, hopes for resignment or acceptance, but full-on amusement? It's so out of place that he has to comment on it. "What's that look for?" he bites out.

Yunho's smirk doesn't leave his face as he walks up to Jaejoong, invading his space and not letting up even once Jaejoong backpedals off the pavement and onto the grass. "Yunho, stop it," he demands once he's up against a tree.

"No."

Jaejoong does a doubletake. "'No'?! What do you mean, 'No'?" He didn't think Yunho even knew that word.

"No, I'm not going to stop. No, we're not over."

In any other context, the heat in Yunho's eyes and the confidence in his words would be Jaejoong's ultimate undoing, but he hasn't been able to take a single thing Yunho has said in the last ten minutes seriously. "Now is when you choose to assert yourself? You couldn't have done it months ago when I was cornering you in the Backstreet?"

Yunho shrugs, unaffected and self-assured. "I didn't have anything worth fighting for back then."

"You have nothing worth fighting for now," Jaejoong maintains, straightened posture and narrowed eyes.

His heart is beating so fast. There's sweat beading where his hairline meets his neck. His breathing is too loud. Yunho's is too, or maybe he can just tell because their noses are too close together. His body is so tense it aches, ready as he is to react as soon as the other makes his next move.

"I've won harder matches with worse odds," and then Yunho deals his killing blow.

All of the air escapes Jaejoong's body in a single breath.

His eyes fall shut; he completely loses awareness.

The entire world falls away until there is nothing left but the feeling of Yunho's lips on his.

~~~

A/N (4.26.2023): I gotta admit, this chapter is weird for me. I don't normally let the characters kiss lol.

Thanks to everyone who is reading, and even bigger thanks to those who are commenting. ❤

[jonathankatwhatever]

I just saw how the sense of predestination works. It was very pretty, and quite clear now that I’m getting reasonable at reading the signs. You do know Learning From Las Vegas, right? And the concept of clutter competing, which is an ordering with qualities of anxiety, meaning of nervous energy, of which we have a great deal. This models as one layer wobbling in relation to structure in the other layer, which I think means that when the structure in the other layer is tipping back and forth, positive and negative, alternation, then that generates short and thus smaller scale chains constructing. This is really neat: to see the ideas mechanically function like this. Those smaller scale chains … oh, I completely forgot, earlier today, I had a huge realization I need to remember. What was it? I remember how annoyingly bright the sun was in my eyes and the wind in my face. On the way, I saw a few pair of geese sort of fighting, meaning not actually biting but being aggressive as heck and very loud.

I have PSG v Bayern on in the background. It’s still 8 Mar 2023. I don’t know how to coach a team like PSG when the problem is they don’t support each other because they’re supposed to each be so talented they don’t really need the help unless it’s obvious they need help. That causes a laxness in defensive response. How do you convince talented players not to trust the others so much but to act as though their teammates aren’t nearly as good as they are?

What was I thinking about? A story in which a person has actual amnesia, with the twist that the other is instructed not to share specific information because that would create false memories. Two people, one knows the other intimately and the other has no memory of this other than the fact that this intimacy did happen. I like it as a way to introduce two complete characters who have already gone past the meet cute and romantic love part, but who now have to get to know each other in complicated ways. The one with amnesia is on a personal quest not for the past but for the present of what am I as a person, while the other is evaluating, is comparing this person to the person from before. The glue would be young children with little to no memory of the one with amnesia. Or something else. Imagine waking up to be told you’re married with 2 young children. Imagine being the other person. It’s an interesting identification relationship. As in, the amnesiac can better define themself by what the other is like and how that person acts, because that is a mirror of what was. I like it because I can play both roles in my head because they’re equal, which means they invert over a Counter which acts as an =.

Is this about the barrier? And the emptiness of space? The barrier is always a Counter. I’m happy with the way we have that worked out, that tObjects have barriers, which we can describe in various ways, including as a Thing in complex space, because grid squares and Triangular can reduce to dimensional minimums, meaning to potential. I have not yet stumbled across a magic way to say the D4-3 meets the D3-4, and that guarantees a Counter and that is a boundary when extended to D3-4 and thus multiple Counters for the multiple pieces and perspectives, etc. I hope it’s clear that this is a proof: you get a Counter because D4-3 meets D3-4. Maybe we can pin that down: from iObjects that connect outward to say iThings and iObjects that connect inward to Things and thus tObjects. We said this before.

So at the surface of a tObject is an iObject. And the surface of a Thing is an iObject. This seems to be true for surfaces, with the inside coming to the inner edge of the DE. Like a form of open set. We know all this: what is going on beyond a recitation? Boundaries between iObjects? Here’s a thought: I see iObjects resolving to a pseudo-tObject, meaning a representation form which includes all the actual tObjects. So, treating this like manifolds and surreals and other forms exposes the higher dimensional view.

This is getting toward what I got earlier. It was about inversion to the limit of significance, which of course relates to surreals. I was trying to describe the difference between a set and a class, and I realized it was that the class is when you take the set as a form. Thus classes as combinations of forms as well. So, as I vaguely remember, the images showed reduction to a cut point, meaning to an End, meaning to where you no longer care about, perhaps can’t see the processes occurring beyond. This can only exist because of I//I. That is, these inversions occur across that Counter,

Note we can express these using tangents, tangent planes, tangent spaces.

I’m very tired. Neat idea about how iObjects are part of iThings which have at their core some reference, some form which connects to the tObject, etc.

[mimymomo]

In ‘Lucas on the Line,’ Lucas Sinclair experienced countless bouts of racism and micro aggressions including but not limited to:

Had children run away from him and refuse to touch him because they thought his Black skin color would rub off on them. This happened IN THE THIRD GRADE! And he never told his parents about it!

Calmed his anxiety about being the only Black kid in his homeroom class by coming to the realization that since there was no other Black kids that meant he most likely wouldn’t be bombed

Had to install a camera in his locker because his property got defaced by a glitter bomb

Lost his first and only black friend/mentor who supported him thanks to an ACTUAL MAKESHIFT BOMB being installed in his locker that caused a janitor to go to the hospital for 1st/2nd degree burns (and the white boy who did it barely got punished)

Got teased that the only reason he got on the basketball team was because he was Black

Comes to the realization that he might’ve actually only gotten in the team because the coach has a history of recruiting Black boys for the team regardless of their skill level

Gets called an Oreo (for uneducated: white on the inside, black on the outside) by racist bullies. Erica (who apparently has also been called this) sticks up for him and is the only one who understands what the insult means which means Mike and Dustin don’t know/understand the lengths of how deep the racism Lucas experiences in Hawkins on a daily bases

And these aren’t even all of them! These are just examples I had from the top of my head!

And despite all this happening in the book, “fans” have STILL FOUND A WAY to turn this book about Lucas and his struggles as a Black boy in a mostly white suburban town and his deteriorating relationship with Max and make it about Byler!

The fact that Lucas, one of the only characters of color on this show, can’t have ANYTHING to himself without people using him to push their ships is so aggravating!

He and Erica constantly get shit talked and miss characterized by fans, get excluded/cut out of group shots, and barely get any fanart/fics about them and their struggles compared to the white characters (I could make a whole new post about the terrible way this fandom treats Erica but I won’t do that here). Hell don’t forget that the fandom constantly tries to dispute the racism Lucas received in S2 from Billy was either not really racism, just a moment that Duffer Bros. put in to “ruin” Billy’s character and ultimately can be tossed out and ignored.

The only time I ever see Lucas get any large amount of attention is either due to 1) Lumax (but let’s be honest: 90% of the lumax tag on here isn’t even about them and has now become Elumax 2.0 and most post are people praising ElMax and then being like “oh Lucas/lumax is cute too” in the tags and that’s it). 2) people creating “parallels” of Lumax to their ship of choice (mostly Byler and Mileven) as a way to say that their ship is gonna be canon or 3) to say that he’s bisexual.

And all that is fine and whatever, ship and headcanon things to your hearts content, but if you only care about Lucas if he’s helping push you ship narrative or because you think he’s gay (to the point where some people actually read snippets of the book that talked about Lucas coming to the realization that Black boys like him can be considered attractive and only acknowledge the “queer” reading of the text and completely ignored the big race element that was the main focus), I’m sorry but, that’s not cool. The fact that 95% of the Lucas Sinclair tag isn’t about Lucas himself but white characters like Steve, Eddie, Byler says everything about how the fandom treats him.

I’m just so tired.

Lucas Sinclair deserves the same respect that the white characters get!

I leave you one of my favorite sections of the entire book: Lucas learning to become unabashedly himself:

Rant over.

Edit: in my blind rage I realized I forgot to edit out the Twitter handle. That’s completely my fault. Please don’t hate that Twitter user. I’m just coming back to fix that.