#my stitches feel weird
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Got my wisdom teeth removed last week and since then I've been playing a funny little game with myself.
I call it: Is that blood I taste or is my mouth just being a goofy little goober
#wisdom teeth#no seriously#i can't tell#my stitches feel weird#i think I swollowed some of the medical thread#at least I don't look like a chipmunk anymore#got bruises now tho#thought these two lines in my mouth were thread from the stitches for the longest time#turns out they were marks left from my mouth being clamped open#anyway#hehe#i taste blood#did i just swallow one of my blood clots
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Finished the rainbow shorts!!!
#handmade#embroidery#rainbow embroidery shorts#for some reason like every pair of shorts I’ve bought in a lotta years#has unfinished hems? they are just kinda folded and not sewn#probably because denim is stretchy now and it’s harder to make the stitching on the hems without limiting the stretch#idk? but it makes it so easy to embroider!#also idk how to take a photo of these while wearing them#I feel like I should? they look better worn than they do flat#but idk how to do that in a way that’s not like ‘look at my legs’#which is a thing I tend to avoid especially online because I usually dislike comments on my legs#except the time my sister said my thighs look like she doesn’t want me to kick her#which was a weird but delightful compliment#got sidetracked. embroidery is done!!!
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I love being someone's science experiment
#personal#read:#my top surgeon continues to be fascinated by me#last time it was because I said it was fascinating to watch him pull stitches out of my chest#(he said the last guy had passed out so he kept asking if I was okay)#this time it's because of how well my nerves reconnected on one side#apparently it's not very normal to have good skin sensation in nipple grafts#but here we are#he put a note in my chart and seemed...excited?#he really looked like he wanted to say ''oh cool!'' or ''weird!''#but he just said ''huh!'' and seemed enthused#he also kept saying ''oh you look *good*'' in a way that was very genuine#and he's right#my chest looks great#but some part of me wants to be like#intense about his reaction. like#o sculptor of flesh. how do you feel when you behold your creations?#is your vision of yourself one of an artist or of a doctor? is this the line you blur?#anyway that'd be weird so I don't say stuff like that#but I do *want* to#sbs rambles#in the tags#gender#top surgery
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"What do you want for Christmas" "what do you want for your birthday" "ideas for gifts would be great" help
#i get all my presents for the year in one week and i get very easily overwhelmed by the pressure of thinking of things i want#because my parents always want to get me things i'll like so they ask for ideas or a list or something but#idk I have enough stuff#and i always feel weird when people give me gifts#like i don't deserve them#especially if i get them something small in return (or not at all)#and I find it so hard to stick with things even when its things i like#like cross-stitching#i really like it but i haven't been able to get myself to pick it back up and i just#guhhh I'm complaining again#rambles from the floor#delete later
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LIKE. lets reframe the question. yes you can kill me for being too aro to live if you wish but fucking LISTEN FIRST. if you are not currently in a relationship. maybe your life is good maybe your life is not so good. maybe you want one but cant get one do to circumstances. maybe you only kinda of think about wanting one but your like. eh. i can do without for now. you know. but. OH MY GOD! the REST of my LIFE. NOOOO ROMANCE?
and yes. no to be clear, if its a thing you want. you would be missing out on that experience. THAT ONE. POSSIBLE EXPERIENCE. okay. now is there also a fruit youve never eaten? a hobby youve never tried? does that youve never eaten a fucking. i dunno. pawpaw. mean a strawberry is less delicious? does never going ice skating mean you never experience the joy of rock climbing?
when someone phrases a question like. ITS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! RAHHH!!! You suddenly get the urge to. what? count you joys objectively? qualitate and calculate every aspect every missed chance and moment?? the question was not. would you be MORE happy. it wasnt, would you linger on the possiblity of a missed intimacy and closeness. a form of sharing a life for a while or for an age that you might enrich all parties. it was. do you think you would be happy.
do you think YOUD NEVER EXPERIENCE HAPPINESS. do you think your feelings would be constricted through a tube of NO ROMANCE. do you think one loss, one ache, one feeling of regret, MEANS YOU NEVER FEEL ANYTHING ELSE? You would never see a sunset? youd never eat a delicious and emotionally significant meal? Youd never cry with someone out of joy or grief or anything else an feel comfort? GET A GRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#some shit#the undersaid part of this is. dont know how long it is. sorry. lol. but true!#anyway yes yes you can now try to attack and kill me for being a bitter aro. EXCEPT PSYCHE BITCH!!!!!!!#IM FILLED WITH EMOTIONS AND I CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY#(if u even THINK about using that statement to bittle loveless. replused or otherwise less 'gettable' aros i will PULVERIZE YOU INTO DUST)#aro cause i like reading comic books more than feel like overly involing myself in understanding the weird swing of my heart lol#well that and. dating sounds like it sucks dooky. why would i do that. read the ninja turtles with me lol#<- ppl who engage with non typical romance ARE COOL AND GOOD.#and we can coexist. its not a fucking either or stitch u dig?
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...
#im back from a week with my dad at home and at the lake#it was really nice to b home for a while but now im a mess lol#bc it really makes me wanna move back to Appalachia and not do another semester out here#and also this was our 1st trip to the lake without my mom being there. she loved the lake. she grew up on the water and was named after an#island. she died before she could use our new jetski. which my dad bought for her and she would have loved#and i stood in her sandles bc my dad keeps them out by the fireplace and my toes fit almost exactly into the impressions of her feet#and i came come with another bag full of her clothes. and i feel bad for my dad being all alone in that big house#i mean hes got the dogs but theyre 7 and 8 and theyre big boys so they probably dont have all that long left. itll be so sad when they die.#there was a moment where i was talking to the dogs and he said i sounded exactly like my mom. which was kinda intentional#on my part bc i say a lot of things bc she would say them. stolen phrases and intonations. pieces of things ive taken.#its still weird that she's just gone forever. the time in the hospital feels like it was some horrible nightmare.#and now shes never gonna kno where we end up. she's left rooms full of half tumbled rocks and half sorted photos and half organized#classroom supplies. the outlines of a person that will slowly be stitched out of existance as time moves on until theres nothing left and#the memories are gone. its just sad is all. especially bc she didnt deserve it. no one does but expecally not her.#but unfortunately life isnt about getting what you deserve. its chaos and coincidence all the way down.#unrelated
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And NO ONE questions it? Not Karlach whose tent is right next to it? Not Astarion who can quite literally smell what it is? They're just like "no body no crime must be Durge's art project" 😭
NGL, THATS WHAT I THOUGHT
EVEN IF YOU HIDE HER BODY??? no ONE IS LIKE ",... where's alfira? i swear she said she wanted to travel with us." LIKE WE DONT EVEN HAVE A CHANCE TO HAVE TO MAKE UP SOMETHING OR KEEP QUIET, LIKE WE CAN IF WE LEAVE HER BODY FOR THE OTHERS TO FIND.
LIKE CMON
also i feel like AT LEAST GALE would wander over, have his sexy ass exclamation mark pop up and be like "hnh. that funky."
cmon
#ask#bg3#the dark urge#i LOVE the dark urge run#its just that some fucking bits dont feel... completely done?#like finding out that you were known to the weird woman under moonrise? her talking about stitching you up?#I FEEL LIKE SOMEONE SHOULD START ASKING ABOUT THAT YKNOW#EXCEPT THEY ALL PLUG THEIR EARS AS MY DURGE GOES TO PIECES
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Hello stitch number idfk atp!
#hes gonna go by all 3 of the names i go by byt im probably gonna be calling her stitch most of the time for simplicity....#the names being: stitch soren and my irl name#im not gonna be personally calling him my irl name tho cuz it feels weird.. but if u know it then ur free to call her wtv idgaf!!♡
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Meds being kicking in WEIRD today folks. Feeling like a shaky little freak right now. If I spontaneously drop the weirdest shit tonight, blame it on my brain twisting itself into a pretzel
#bro I be feeling FUNKY#but not funky fresh#funky freaky#funky weird#both energetic and shaky at the same time#meds what is wrong with you#your supposed to help my brain function not turn me into a shaking wet pathetic little mouse#but I also want to CREATE things#i'm gonna stitch together some real frankestein shit
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i remember once seeing an ad for scar reducing creams and ended up deciding no that's not reasonable to buy if it's literally self inflicted. but because of this now being in a visible place (can probably hide until summer, but after it's too warm to wear long sleeves... oh gosh. :< ) I feel like I probably should do research on how to minimise scarring at least for visible cuts for the sake of others.
and maybe invest in a nice light summer cardigan :) you know those pretty lacy ones, I bet I could pull that off, and I've wanted one for ages so this might be my motivation :)
....I should also do research on how to hide them before they've healed, because I've got a simulation next Tuesday. If necessary I talk to the person running the sim and get permission to be in long sleeves for that
oh gosh why did I forget. I'll have to be in short sleeves for placement. oh gosh oh gosh I am an idiot
#[editing to add that there is somewhat graphic description of self harm below. i'm no judge of how graphic or otherwise something is but i#kinda described it a bit ig]#I might invest in some good coverage makeup of some kind idk. if i can find something like that that will hide the scarring. but like. it's#stretching halfway along my forearm and it will all scar#tmi sorry#looks nasty already but at least it's stopped bleeding#shoutout to the knife sharpener i could Not use at the time so it wasn't as deep as it would've been#anyway#such is life#tw sh#puddleglum hours#personal#the first time i harmed was May last year. i only actually seriously started harming during february this year and all this time i have#worked SO HARD on making sure i DON'T harm in a visible place#and then! whaddaya know! it got too much!#honestly tho i'd nearly talked myself down it was rlly weird#bc it was like i just. blanked for a second and became aware of it having happened a second later it was weird#the muscles feel really weird now tho idk why#not damaged or i don't think so anyway and yknow. didn't need stitches or anything#don't know how deep they are
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wheres that post about how its hard to have like a fucking depression spiral or whatever while knitting bc lemme tell u im sitting here fighting back tears while actively crocheting and its not fucking working
#toy txt post#depression spiral self worth spiral the world sucks and everything is bad and stupid spiral#whatever you want to call it. im fucking miserable and my eyes keep watering and making it kinda hard to see the fucking stitches#guess thatd be less of an issue if i was doing a standard moss stitch instead if a modified variant w half doubles and working into the#stitch under the space instead of in the chain space which is a little more annoying and fiddly to find than the chain space#whatever. its all the same stupid fucking shit anyway. whatever whatever whatever whatever#nothing matters everything is stupid and sucks and whats the fucking point! god#and then dad will just get home and sternly scold me for not looking for a job anyway#as if i could currently fucking handle being asked what my fucking strengths are or whatever#and i bet fucking period is not fucking helping cos hormone fluctuations do weird shit to emotions i fucking guess. whatever#i feel like my head is going to explode#'just let yourself cry let it out!' no. its fucking inconvenient and doesnt even release all the stupid fucking feelings it just leaves me#exhausted and wasting a bunch of fucking tissues. whatever#im a stupid lazy bitch whatever and im Not. but i am#what does it matter#i cant even deal with the fucking ants in my bedroom im just hiding from them in my brothers empty room#i washed all my bedding but havent remade the bed bc im like oh i should wait for the ants to be gone#cant do anything. cant do fucking anything at all ever#i should get out of the house and touch grass and that would be good for me but like. where#i shouldnt even leave the house bc im not insured and what if i get into a car crash? i hate everything#negative#whining
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Hiii I'm so happy to see your notifications popping up again!! I missed you so! I hope you are doing better!! 🫂🫂🫂🫂
Omg HIIIII FRAND!!!!
I won't say I'm doing phenomenal, but definitely far better than I have been in a while.
And I missed being here.
But I'm basically the human equivalent of a clam and will snap my shell shut at the slightest bit of distress and disappear in a poof of sand.
I can't promise that I'll be super-active for a long time, but I'm very happy to be back for now.
#big stinkin hug#i identify quite hard with stitch#weird lil alien that has trouble fitting in and messes up a lot but really just needs love#and you all make me feel loved and accepted#and i cannot express how nice that is#i just wanna give you all big socially awkward hugs and bake you cookies#but i cannot#so please accept my brainrot headcanons and silly lil fics as compensation#because ilu
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Progress on the Warden scarf c: the left edge is being a huge pain in my ass and I had to frog half of it and work up to this point again, but I am confident that a border will fix it. I am thinking it'll probably be in the same steel grey that will act as the "studded" bits in the center of each diamond.
On a side note, this stitch is soooo texture and I know I am going to love having something to run my fingers over when I wear it.
#it makes like little pockets? so i can tuck my fingers under the stitch itself or run my fingernails over them#idk if any of y'all have texture stims but it is very much a thing for me haha. so I'm really happy that it feels so nice#scarf wip#this stitch is super super weird but I'm trying to be gentle w myself about how uneven the edges look#because you have to alternately increase/decrease each row and i keep losing track
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#it turns out that watching saw while snacking and knitting is indeed very good for your mental health#my body knew what i needed lmao#i got so many rounds done so i feel productive too and the irony of knitting a red and white scarf in the round...#...(meaning as a spiral - helical knitting) is not lost on me but the hidden spirals of the knitting project came after the spirals on saw#((its yoko's cowl from gurren lagann lol))#idk how im gonna block this thing bc it has wild floats showing on the front so im gonna need like 60 pencils to slide in there...#...before i start pinning it down and spraying it and idk how thats gonna go but it 100 percent needs to be blocked#tension? who the fuck knows what that is lmao#also the floats were a bad idea but like i didnt wanna knit 10 bobbins in the round for my first time knitting w bobbins#theyd tangle every time the project twists lmao but whatever im making the extra stripes caused by the floats to work#i wasnt sure how to stagger them in a way that wouldnt look weird and i had already unknit the project like 5 times so i committed#speaking of its 240 stitches each round lol its killer but its going so whatever.#im at about 6.5 inches and i want probably around 14 (im gonna connect the top and bottom to make it reversible/hide the back)#so yeah my night was better than the day i had thankfully#im so tired tho lol#i havent worked out yet today and i dont know if im gonna force myself to lol hashtag no days off lololol#ill see how i feel after i brush my teeth if im up for it i guess but im pretty tired from being mentally stressed all day#anyway good night ill prob#delete later / /
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I hope my bite normalizes soon because otherwise I’m stuck with jaw problems.
#which is expected tbh#like I wanted 10 years to do the thing I was told do do before it messed up my jaw#but like my smile feels weird and smoking is the single most unpleasant thing#which I’m thinking means I lost a stitch before I should have and it’s gonna be a bigger scar than it needed to be#but I had a few fainting episodes and liquid diet had to stop. I’ve been eating more than I probably should but I feel ravenous#I’m a chubby girl but fainting because I did the dishes is unacceptable
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WIP GAME
Wip Game Rules: Post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. Let people send you an ask with the title that most intrigues them, and then post a little snippet or tell them something about it! And then tag as many people as you have WIPs.
tagged by @narcissa-black-supermacy @ambrxsiaa @spindrifters and @leogichidaa 💜 thanks for making me go into my drafts for the first time in months lol im just adding the doc names as is so feel free to ask about them!
AM FC J/S
MC
jily new house
potter tattoo
(modern) prongsfoot
blood adoption
james dies 5th year. sirius pov.
x times sirius jokes about being a potter and 1 time he finally was
sweet, sweet love (?)
sex pollen
sugar daddy james
i feel like everyone’s done this atp so consider this open to anyone who’s not; but also tagging @narcissa-black-supermacy in return bc we need to bully her into finishing her drafts bc she’s hoarding so much prongsfoot gold!!! consider this a reminder and a threat, New Dani!!
#i added my oneshots to this too#bc thats what i primarily deal in#but its valid ok#i havent really been writing anything new recently#so these r either very old or the current one#nothing in between like there used to be#feels weird#not all of these are like—properly written down. some of them r bullet points and some vibes loosely stitched together#pen's writing
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