#my sleep schedule has been relatively consistent the last couple months

[ringneckedpheasant]

i’ve been experiencing Evil Boredom all day because i didn’t take my adhd meds due to Extenuating Circumstances and i’m so cranky bc i didn’t get anything done at all besides washing like 1/3 of the dishes i wanted to

[nautiscarader]

2020 in animation - recap

So, 2020. 

Yeah, I have to say I’m not entirely satisfied. Would not recommend, 1 star. 

But I would be willing to bump it to 1.5, if only because of one factor: the animation. 

Because I have to say, this was the best animated end of the world so far! And if there was something that kept our spirits up, it was the cartoon industry!

Just like last year, I should preface this by saying that this is highly subjective selection. Even when one is confined to their Hobbit holes for better part of the year because of *waves hands* everything around, 

day still only has 24 hours, so I have missed a few shows. (I should also apologise for omitting a few major ones last year, like Milo Murphy’s Law S2, Ducktales, or She-Ra. This is why I started keeping a track this year). I’m sure I will catch up with those I missed this year some time in the future, but for now, let’s see what this year has gifted us with.

And right from the start, January opens the race with very interesting propositions. We were still riding on an incredibly high wave from last year, with Infinity Train season 2.

This one focused on Tulip’s mirror, and pushed the season towards a much darker and complex story, diving deep into one’s personal journey and identity. There were tears, math, deer, and cops being murdered. Brutally. 

t was followed by two newcomers: The Owl House and first season of Kipo and The Age of the Wonderbeast. Both of them would dominate first half of the year, with The Owl House’s traditional, week-to-week airings, and Kipo's seasons appearing in  June and October.

The Owl House, a strong contender in "What will be the Next Gravity Falls?" contest, invited us to a world full of magic, mystery, elongated owl demons and some dark secrets. It has also created a milestone for Disney, introducing an LGBT couple with characters of bisexual Luz Noceda and lesbian Amity Blight. Their Grom dance has risen to the top of my animates scenes, polling very closely to the unforgettable Kataango.

On the other hand, Kipo has taken us to the post-apocalyptic world filled with mutant animals, revealing that despite the end of the world, our old vices and animosities have survived in underground burrows, and we have infected the overworld of giant doggos and suit-wearing frogs with them. 

Kipo did not pull any punches regarding commentary about our society, at the same time giving us hope in the form of the main protagonist, who was able to spread friendship and understanding amongst the mutes, as well as the humans that had to survive. And in the world that we have found ourselves in, it was a pretty darn good lesson.

February would bring end to two seasons of airing cartoons, Big Hero Six season 2 and Miraculous season 3, as well as another newcomer that won the hearts of fans: Glitch Techs, with its "second" season arriving in August. And while in my opinion he show wasn't as good as the other two new titles, I am clearly in minority, as the show about Ghostbuters-like team of game console technicians gained huge popularity... though not enough to keep the show afloat. As of writing this, it is currently in limbo, which is a shame, as the second set of 10 episodes finally added some much needed ongoing story.  

in March, another show from last year ended - Steven Universe Future. As we have expected, it tackled slightly more mature themes, showing how much Steven needed that therapy we have wished him, telling an important tale of finding one's worth and one's self. its ending might not have been as explosive as those of the original show, or the movie, but it left Steven’s story as open as an open road, and deep in our hearts, we all knew it would look like this.   

March was also the time when majority of western world caught the coronavirus, and that caused quite a turmoil with the movie and animation industry. One of the first victim of changed schedule was Disney's Onward, which was released on-line on Disney+ quickly after its theatrical release.

I have mixed feelings towards “Onward”. For such interesting promise, I think it made a few questionable and down right boring turns, though the unorthodox message at the end of it was its strongest point, and it was one I haven’t seen in a while, so it was worth watching just for that.  

April was relatively quiet (aside from more end of the world stuff); brought us third season of Ducktales that spread throughout the year, while May gave us final, fifth season of She-Ra and the Princesses of Power. 

To my eternal shame, I missed on this show when it premiered, and due to the lockdown, I binge-watched the previous four right in time for powerful and explosive season 5. And even though Catra and Adora finally gave us exactly what we needed, some fans felt slightly unsatisfied, calling for a movie, like the Steven Universe one to be made. And I’d be all for it, the rest of universe needs saving from the Horde! Also, cats in space - hilarious. 

May also revealed a new player on the streaming field: HBO Max, who surprised us with new Looney Tunes Cartoons, much more in the spirit of the legendary originals than the often-criticised Looney Tunes Show from 2011-2014. And in my opinion, it did; one could feel the same fluidity in animation, dedication to slapstick, and synchronisation with music than in the very first cartoons with Bugs and Daffy.

HBO Max would, however, return in June with first of series of Adventure Time original movies called "Distant Lands". The first centred around BMO, with second one - Obsidian giving us a glimpse into Bonnibel and Marceline's lives.

Distant Lands allowed people to revisit the odd, odd world of Ooo and learn about its colourful inhabitants, taking turns to seeing their past and the future, an, as usual, showing us that post-apocalyptic world can teach us valuable and meaningful lessons.   

Just in time for full lockdown in our burrows, aforementioned Kipo season 2 premiered in June, together with another cartoon movie, this time featuring We Bare Bears. While their movie wasn't anything to write songs about, it was exactly like the show, providing some wholesome content right when we needed it.

And just in case you needed more wholesome adventures, Craig of the Creek's second season ended, and its third season began, reminding us of HOW COOL LIFE WAS WHEN OUTERNET WASN’T SCARY AND WE COULD STILL WALK OUTSIDE FOR FUN AND NOT TO HUNT TOILET PAPER.

Just like last year, July was not dogs' days, but frogs'. Amphibia season 2 started raining on our heads, but unlike last year, its schedule wasn't a daily one, spreading the episodes throughout the Summer and early Autumn, with its second part arriving in February of 2021. There were more roadtrips, more mysteries and MORE MARCY.

August was equally strong: aforementioned Glitch Techs "season 2" premiered, offering better and more plot-heavy episodes than the first ten episodes. Unfortunately, the show's future is unclear; the uneven divide of plot between the seasons probably contributed to the show not being renewed. 10 new episodes apparently are written, but await in sleep mode, until Nickelodeon remembers about it.

HBO MAX picked up Infinity Train for its third season, after being derailed by Cartoon Network. And if you thought that killing a mirror cop was shocking... then this season has pushed the limit of what can be shown in modern children's cartoon to a frightening degree. The schedule was once again, weirder, with first five episodes airing on the day of the premiere, ending with a cliffhanger (literally) that only contributed to the shock factor and made us wait anxiously for its conclusion. It was bold, it was dark, it was memorable. 

And just like Glitch Techs, Infinity Train waits on a side track, unsure if it will be picked up, or will it be abandoned and left as a canvas for graffiti artists.

However, to end the Summer, a truly amazing TV movie has arrived on Disney Plus, where we came back to good, old Danville and could witness Candace against the universe. The new Phineas and Ferb movie brought back the glorious memories of this fantastic show, with the same humour, writing, abundance of catchy songs and a surprisingly deep moral.

In September we have seen the start of Big Hero 6 season 3 and a odd change of format. Instead of standalone 22-minute episodes, the show now consists of two 11-minute segments. In opinion of many, this weakened the stories, forcing them to be more comedy-oriented, and shortening the potential emotional drama. Still, it gave us funny, short stories, but they did clash with the two previous season, not to mention the movie.

However, if that wasn't up to your taste, Ducktales season 3 also started airing, and continued its first part up until December with more action- and plot-driven episodes, including the Darkwing Duck crossover, serving as a pilot of the spin-off. 

Later in December fans have learned that Season 3 will be its last, which broke the hearts of many duck fans; however, it seems that the season has been written as the last one in mind, and the news of the ending was known to the creators, which gives us hope for a kick-ass finale somewhere in 2021.

Miraculous New York, telling arguably one of the most mature storylines, opened the "Heroez" world to some new characters and new opportunities, with two more specials, taking place in Shanghai and Brazil, meant to air somewhere next year. AND I DO HOPE WE WILL SEE MORE LOCAL FOOD VENDOR SUPERHEROES LIKE HOT DOG DAN. 

October was the month of two season 3's: Carmen Sandiego and Kipo. In case of Carmen, as it is usual with Netflix, the "season" was only a half-one, with just a handful standalone episodes, and just a dash of more ongoing plot. 

For Kipo, however, season 3 was the end, and what a glorious one it was. Fans were saddened to learn of it, but Kipo was always imagined as a 3-part story, and it showed. The finale proved more than satisfying ending to the plot, elevating Kipo to one of the smartest cartoon characters we should all try to aspire to.

In November, Distant Lands: Obsidian aired, focusing on everyone’s favourite candy/vampire couple, and the long and complicated love between Bonnibel and Marceline. And as usual, it showed us that relationships are not always as straightforward as we would like them to be, but with enough music and teamwork, no enemy is big enough. 

For the next new show, I’ve waited with the most amount of excitement and anxiety. Because while I was completely fine with other reboots and re-imaginings to take creative takes, new Animaniacs, (airing on Hulu) had to be perfect and had to be the lightning that struck twice. 

And sadly... it wasn’t. It was still good, but some people criticised (incorrectly imho) the amount of political topics, while I mourned almost total cast-ration of additional characters, aside from Pinky and the Brain. This truly weakened the possibilities it could have had. It was still very good, but you can feel that some of the original charm was lost, due to these odd, odd limitations. 

December brought us a new original Apple TV movie, Wolfwalkers. A beautifully animated folk tale of friendship and social divides, and how short-sight can cause the collapse of both arguing sides, reminding me very much of the intelligence and heart of original “How to Train Your Dragon”.  

We’ve had to wait two years for the return of arguably one of the most wholesome shows out there: Hilda. Second season dived into deeper mysteries that permeate the rich and colourful troll-ridden land, we saw the return of some familiar characters, and introduced a whole new storyline, that ended with a surprising cliffhanger. Still as wholesome, but now with a tiny bit of Police incompetence. Also Twig, lots of Twig.   

Just like Onward, Pixar’s highly anticipated Soul aired on Disney+, telling a very mature story about finding one’s purpose in life, what that purpose actually means, and whether it exists at all. Beautifully animated, with fantastic soundtrack, it was a stunning tribute to creativity, and it never dumbed down its profound, open message about following your dream.   

And just if you thought that Soul was going to be 2020′s last note (pun very much intended), right before the year ended, DC Super Hero Girls concluded its first season on a rather anti-climactic two-parter. That being said, the season, running from March of last year, was packed with short, bite-sized, funny stories, taking interesting spins on existing comic book characters. For a comic book noob like me, it was perfectly fine, and I can’t wait for the second season next year. 

And so, we have reached the series finale of humanity. 

2020 ends in just under a day. What will 2021 bring us? I do not know, and if the animated shows of this year have taught me anything, is that the future is an always open book, full of worries and challenges, but also opportunities and possibilities. 

...

And in reality I was too lazy to check any news sites about upcoming projects.

[queenlokibeth]

I wanted to mention a couple of things about mental health that I think are important.

I'm doing relatively well at the moment. I've managed to go to bed before 2am most days, usually at midnight, and I've gotten 6-7 hours of sleep every night. I've eaten at least 2 full proper meals at reasonable times every day. I haven't turned in any homework late. I have to consciously fight off executive dysfunction but I do manage to win. I'm doing relatively well, which is how I notice just how badly I was doing just a month and a half ago.

What I want to say is that, when you're going through a rough mental health patch (especially if that patch is like a year or more) you might be aware that "sure, yeah, I'm not doing well" but it can also sort of feel like that's just... the way it is.

In December I consciously knew that I was having an awful time, quite probably the deepest hole in terms of mental health in my life, but I had also already been living like that for almost a year, and I transitioned into this hole more or less slowly. So last December I knew that I wasn't feeling or behaving the way that I did a year before that, but it wasn't a drastic change, I eased into that pit. Think about that metaphor about dropping a frog into boiling water and it will jump out, but slowly boil it and it won't notice and die.

I was conscious about the big things: for some reason I physically couldn't get myself to start tasks. I was distracted all the time. My sleeping schedule was something like 4am-10am when I wasn't pulling an all-nighter. I was showering once a week, did laundry every 6 weeks, and lost a lot of weight. I didn't want to do anything and I had no will to go outside. I wanted to read a book but not out of real pursuit of fun, but because I felt like I desperstely needed to catch a break and force myself to do something nice for myself. What I was obviously not conscious of was what was causing all of this.

Being in a pit of terrible mental health feels somehow even worse when you are fully aware that you're completely unhealthy, and you can pinpoint all the things that aren't working right, and you try to do all the correct things to "go back to normal", but you can't, and after a year you don't really remembers what your normal feelings or reactions to things were. In this awful state I was trying to manifest a version of myself who got her shit together and showered regularly and turned homework in on time and did laundry without it taking the same effort as hiking up a mountain, but this version of myself still had the same mental state, numbness, and mental fog, since that's all I knew at the time and I couldn't remember or understand that that's not my default state as a human being. And under that cloud of malfunctioning mental connections and chemicals I was NEVER going to manage to start functioning like a healthy person again.

Why am I pointing out all of this? Because it can be hard to realise how different things can be when you start getting healthier. There are factors of my personality that I hadn't even identified as altered in December.

I'm noticing this now because I did somehow transitioned into recovering extremely quickly. While it took me a few months to fall into a shit state of mental health, and then stayed there for like a year, now in about 3 weeks to a month I flipped my life around and everything is so much... brighter.

I don't mean for this to sound like an ad a la "you can, too, flip your life around!" But as reassurance that getting better is an option, and even a "quick" one, but obviously not without help, and not without PHYSICAL aspecrs. During that month I spent time in warmer weather, seeing sun semi regularly (I had not been outside for longer than 15 minutes at a time every few days in extremely cloudy weather for a few months at that point), I didn't have school so I didn't have to stress about a destroying amount of deadlines, I "recovered" sleep (the first day I slept for 14 hours, then 10 for a few days, and then dropped to 8 consistently), I ate healthy and hearty food, and I had conversations daily with my parents, after having been completely alone for about 7 months of not talking to anyone. During the first 2 weeks I still felt like a mess, the third week was better, and by the end of the month I felt vaguely functional.

By now I'm in no way fully better but Everything Is So Different. Now I'm realising and coming back to the way I always used to behave and feel about things. I find real joy in things and I hadn't even noticed that for a year I had NOT felt joy about ANYTHING I was merely using things to cope! And I hadn't noticed because I could no longer remember that a different feeling beyond "neutral" existed!

I'm excited about going outside now even if it's so so cold, I realised the other day that I needed something from the store and I just... put on my coat and went to the door? And i surprised myself mid step that it was just... that easy. I wanted to go somewhere and I could just... go. I didn't have to psych myself up for 3 days and then end up delaying my departure by 2 hours because that's how long it took me to find the will to put my shoes on.

Anyways I saw a candle and it was only $2 and it smelled really good and I just bought it because I deserve things that make me happy and then I bought some cinnamon flavoured coffee because I WANTED to try it and I also bought this coffee creamer that I saw because suddenly it was easy to just reach into the grocery store fridge and pull it out instead of planning it a week in advance and then overthinking it because do I really need it do I have space in the fridge am I going to finish it or will it expire first only to get overwhelmed and leave the store without it only to immediately regret it and get sad about not getting it once I arrived back to my room. I enjoy drinking my coffee now, I'm not just doing it to stay awake. I can actually get out of bed at the right time even if I'm still a bit tired because the sun is coming up and it looks pretty outside. It snowed yesterday and everyone was out at night playing with it and a stray snowball reached me while I was on my way to get dinner. This poor guy that I'd never seen apologised profusely and it was so funny! There was something about everyone in masks and standing 6 feet apart taking advantage of snowball fights as a way to interact with each other that felt straight out of a Hallmark movie.

Bottomline: at your worst there isn't anything that looks tangibly better, but there is, and you start to realise it afterwards. While you should definitely go to therapy if you can/need to, and that meds can be necessary, there is so much that you can start slowly fixing (with a lot of effort, I know) that will seriously, seeiously help. I know that it might sound like bullshit or like an oversimplification, but it's true and it's stuff that you'll never truly believe will work until you're doing better and you're like "oh shit damn".

Please sleep. Please sleep at night time and have a semi regular sleeping schedule. I know that it sounds like it won't be enough (and true, by itself it probably won't heal you completely but it will sure help a lot). I would always "understand" that sleep was important and "yes mom i know that I need to sleep better" but I never interiorised how DRAMATICALLY sleep affects your entire life. Regular, good, nighttime sleep helps regulate all the hormones and chemicals that we need. If your fucked up sleeping schedule shut down production of serotonin, congratulations now you have all the awful symptoms that come along with lacking an essential component of your functioning. And I know that it's often a terrible vicious cycle of not being able to sleep properly or procrastinating sleep or being unable to just go to bed causing mental health problems which continue to prevent you from being able to fix youe sleep pattern. Please take it from me, someone who a month ago felt like she'd genuinely never be able to function semi properly again, that forcing yourself to fix your sleep is a HUGE MEGA STEP towards fully recovering. I know it now because I can see the contrast, but a month ago I didn't understand it because I was like "well yeah I need to sleep better but what's the point I'm fine it won't change much" yeah well my brain is an asshole and I was not in fact fine but rather completely empty inside and just going the fuck to sleep semi regularly has made me feel like a real person instead of a weird cryptid for the first time in months. Just go the fuck to sleep, PLEASE.

[xellandria]

tw: death

My father died sometime last night.  My mom woke me up at around 4:20 (blaze it?), after she found him, ran around in a panic for a bit (her words), and called 911.  I’d only gone to sleep a couple hours earlier, and neither of us had checked on him until then (he went to bed much earlier than the two of us ever do) so it’s hard to say when it would have happened; we might learn more later, or we might not.  I’m not actually sure how much more information we’ll get—or want, really—when whatever examination happens happens, or if there will be an examination/autopsy/whatever.  All I know about that kind of thing comes from media, and it’s always convenient for media to have an autopsy.

About nine months ago, he was out on a hike and slid down some scree and hurt his back in some way.  Prior to the whole pandemic, he’d been going through all sorts of various treatments and tests to figure out what was wrong and how to fix it, but he’d been in pain for a while.  Supposedly it was at least getting a little better with time—mom says he hadn’t taken his pain meds for the last fifteen days or so—but it was definitely there, and he hadn’t been exercising much (if at all) as a result, and gained a lot of weight from the inactivity.

About a week ago, he started coughing and having trouble breathing, and apparently was having issues sleeping as well.  He called his doctor about it yesterday, and they had him go get tested for Covid.  The results for that won’t be back til Mondayish, but it’s sort of a moot point now, I suppose.  Well, partly moot—if he tested positive, mom and I definitely have to be a lot more nitpicky about our own health.  We’ve not been going out except as absolutely necessary, but I can’t help thinking that we did go to Walmart and Costco on the 16th and while he was wearing a mask of some sort on that trip, his mask procedure was not the best and that was about a week ago.  That’d be a little fast for Covid symptoms I think, but maybe?

I don’t know.  I wasn’t hearing much about it (we’ve been on different tracks for the past week so I haven’t seen much of him) but when we were talking to various relatives about an hour ago, mom seemed to imply that it was a lot of trouble breathing—which makes me ask why he didn’t do something about it if it was really that bad, but that’s not something I can or should ask at this point; I can’t ask him and giving her more to agonize about or regret is absolutely pointless (I still beat myself up on bad days for not being sterner about getting Emmett to a vet when I knew he wasn’t fully right, and he died like five or six years ago at this point; I absolutely do not want to inflict that kind of thing on my mother about her husband, for god’s sake, and I didn’t push harder for my own health and safety when I was having heart issues last year until I finally caved and went to the ER; I could have made that trip a lot sooner too instead of fucking around with my doctor half-ignoring me and limply running tests for six months).

Because it’s just me and mom out here on this coast, we’re probably not going to have a funeral.  Things would probably be different if we weren’t in the middle of a pandemic (his sisters might want something, I don’t think we thought to ask), but they can’t come out here and we can’t go over there and neither of us really want to deal with it.  She knew his preferences (at least for disposal—he wanted to be cremated) so we’ve got that under control, at least.

I’m sure it’s partly shock, but I definitely feel guilty as hell that I’m glad that the pandemic is giving us a good excuse to not have a funeral.  Maybe he would have wanted one?  I don’t know.  I know my own preferences (only if my survivors need it for themselves; I don’t believe in ghosts or anything like that, but the idea of death and corpses and such spooks me something awful and funerals and burials and such are obviously the worst for that) and mom was the one who said no when I asked her if she wanted one (though maybe I should ask again when we’re both less shocky).  If the dead do exist beyond death in some capacity, I hope he understands that it’s not that we don’t love him... but that’s a lot of money and time and mental energy for a lot of pomp and circumstance that doesn’t make... well, I was going to say “doesn’t make anybody feel better” but someone must get comfort from that kind of thing, even if I’m not sure I’ve ever met anyone who has.

There’s a lot of unknowns right now.  Dad was the one who handled all the household finances and I know he never went over it all with me, and I got the impression that he and mom never got around to it either (though we both mentioned that it was something we’d been thinking about, it’s obviously too late now).  Mom’s worried about the taxes, and what bills are on auto-pay and all that, and it’s going to be a nightmare to go through his computer and phone and make sure all that stuff is handled... but that’s not today’s worry.  I mean, I almost wish it was—it’d give me something to do now that we’re done talking to the EMTs and the police and the people from the funeral home and calling the relatives (and before I work up the nerve to call his old work friend, who is the only other person I can think of that deserves to know), but it’s also not something to walk into with two hours of sleep and a broad-but-vague understanding of how to access the data, but not what to do with it.

I haven’t cried yet, and I feel guilty about that too (though again, I’m putting it down to shock).  Cat death/injury is so triggering to me that I burst into tears nearly at the mention/thought of it, but my own father is gone and I’m just sitting at my computer, typing out a lengthy essay about how I want to consider myself a piece of shit for it, but I know it’s all part of the process, etc. etc.  I remember when my parents woke me up to tell me my maternal grandmother had died, I definitely cried then (and was angry) so I know it’s possible for me to feel things, or was at one point.  I’m sure the depression isn’t helping (and the fact that I think my med dosage may not be good enough anymore).

I’m sort of glad for the pandemic too, for the social distancing and masks that all the strangers that came to our home at 4-6am were wearing because I haven’t taken a shower in a couple days and I am disgusting and unshaved, but hopefully they didn’t notice.  At least they didn’t comment on it in my hearing, so I can maybe hopefully pretend.

Anyway.  I’m currently distracting myself by writing this out, but there’s not much more I want to say at this point.  I’ve posted out of my guild’s raids indefinitely for the moment (it was the first thing I did after I got out of bed while we were waiting for the EMT, and the second was tweet about it; my priorities are so fucked, y’all).  I don’t really know whether I’ll be able to stay on top of D&D—it’s only once a week, it’s a much smaller group of people who are much less likely to make some sort of unthinking or triggering remark (frankly, the idea of listening to my guild leader and some of the non-raiders talk about their jobs as doctors/upcoming medical practitioners is absolutely not what I need in my life right now, and I can’t tell 19+ other people to watch every word that comes out of their mouths or from their fingers above and beyond the guild rules because it might make the baby cry (or tilt her off the face of the earth)... but I can probably get away with asking only four other people to do that) and it’s not like we’re doing much where there might be schedule conflicts.  I’m gonna have to tell them for sure (well, Naha knows cos he follows me on twitter, and Kattii might cos she also follows me but I’m not sure if she keeps up with her timeline, but I don’t think the others do).  I should definitely not isolate myself entirely—I don’t know a lot right now, but I know that’s a real bad idea no matter how depressed I was before this happened—so I may keep the D&D up.

I’m not sure if I should go to the Sunday Jaina runs or not, since I won’t really be part of the prog team and shouldn’t take mounts out of the mouths of people who will actually be around.  I already felt kinda guilty about going to last week’s when I’d posted out of raid for mental health reasons (and had missed the week before’s entirely for same).  I dunno.  I’ve got a day and change to think about that one, and what I want to do with myself.

Oh, and M+ is a thing too isn’t it, fuck me.  I dunno.  If I do Jaina and I do D&D, I should probably at least do the M+ too; it’s only one or two runs a week even if it has been stressful because we’ve been scrambling for a filler every week for a few months now (Intol’s been wrapped up in the whole pandemic thing on his side of life, and none of us have had the time or energy to find a consistent/reliable filler until he’s ready to come back).  At least I have a good excuse to not be the one scrambling for that weekly filler anymore, eh? lol :T  That’s also a small group size so that should be all right.  Jaina will be touchy for the larger group size reason too actually, now that I think about it (although I can probably get away with not being on discord for most of the run).

I dunno.  I’m rambling now, and now I’m also rambling at Naha in DMs so maybe I should stop rambling in at least one location.

[feelingfolegandros]

Day 1 - Tuesday, October 27 2020

Hello out there,

A friend I met here in Folegandros in September suggested I start a blog over the winter since I decided to stay. So here we are. Why not? Hi Paul! 

For those who aren’t aware (I wasn’t until about 3 months ago), Folegandros is a small island in Greece, part of the Cyclades. I first visited in mid-August and fell in love with it. 

I was initially there for a couple of weeks, then went to meet my friend B.W. in Palermo to celebrate her birthday, then returned for a few weeks in mid-September to early October, went back to Berlin for 2.5 weeks where I’ve been living for the past 5 years to purge myself of the vast majority of my possessions, my apartment, etc and returned just yesterday, technically, although it was very late Monday night. 

Our ferry (I say our because B.W., not just a friend but my best friend, is joining me for the winter) was scheduled to arrive at 00h35 but arrived nearly an hour late. We had left Athens at 14h55. 

To get here, there are a few ferry options which become increasingly sporadic as tourist season dwindles. There are typically two main options that I refer to as the “fast” and “slow” ferries. I don’t feel like explaining them now.

But okay, I guess I will elaborate. The slow ferry is quite slow… It takes just under 10 hours to get to Folegandros from Athens, with four or five stops at other islands on the way. B.W. wasn’t thrilled with the idea but I have resolved to never ever take the fast ferry again because not only is it more expensive, it also tends to be a heck of a lot more nauseating. 

With the “fast” ferry, we’re talking a journey of approximately 4.5 hours on the open sea without being able to get any fresh air for the entire duration. If the wind and therefore the waves are wild, you might vomit. At one point, on a journey from Folegandros to Athens last month, I was sitting on the ground, hunched over my open suitcase, just trying to keep it together. I think this was after I darted to the tiny airplane bathroom-sized facilities where shortly after I started vomitting, a man (I think) in the stall next to me also started vomitting. A beautiful vomit symphony. 

Okay, enough with the ferries, although it is the only way to get to the island, unless you’ve got access to a private boat or helicopter. 

We arrived early Tuesday morning (Day 1) at something like 1:30am, when the boat was scheduled to arrive at 00h35. For the last part of the journey, I went outside to the front of the boat and revelled in each second it crawled along the long North side of the island, peering out at the lights and thinking about my favourite people and places that I would soon return to. Drinking the air and the salt and the darkness and the mystery of the almost-full moon.

My boyfriend Z.X. picked us up from the port in his car. We met at a wedding a few weeks before. More on that later... He drove us to our house, our beautiful rental abode for the winter just outside the island’s main town, Chora. B.W. and I settled into our respective rooms, with Z.X. naturally joining me for the evening in mine.

In the proper morning, after a bit of sleep, we made some breakfast, and later picked up some things we needed for the house. In the afternoon, Z.X. drove us to Agali beach. The taverna was still open, although everything else was closed. I said hello to the man who owns one of the cafés (who by the way, is an extremely talented DJ...therefore his café consistently has the best music on the island) as he diligently cleaned what looked like a drying rack for dishes. When I went for a swim in the sea, I noticed two men dismantling the sign for a hotel… a sign of the times.. The end of the season. Time for winter. 

Definitely cooler than it was in early October, B.W. and I were still thrilled to be able to embrace the sea. We both feel very connected to the beach in general, to nature, to stillness, to relative simplicity in life. We bonded over our love of Greece, among other things, although she has a longer-term relationship with the nation. In fact, B.W. 

spent some of last winter on Santorini, which is very close to Folegandros. She had been quietly manifesting an opportunity to spend four months of this winter in Greece, and here we are. We met online in March at the start of this whole Covid thing and became closer just this summer. We consider each other sisters, basically. Cosmically, karmically bonded whether we like it or not! (We like it!) 

After Agali, after taking our turns walking along the shoreline together, separately…. Dancing, scooping up the sand, lying on my big purple psychedelic beach blanket I bought while in Palermo, laughing, counting our blessings, we headed to Ano Meria to watch the sunset. Ano Meria is the other town on the island. Z.X. lives and works there, and I have a dear friend, a true Folegandriti born and raised on the island, who also lives there with her family. Z.X. took us to a spot, according to him a former lookout point for the Italian army. We went inside the tiny stone structure, now largely filled with hay, and I carefully climbed up a tiny ladder out the window onto a rock. It was sublime. Life here in general is sublime, in my humble opinion. 

We drove back to the house, with Z.X. stopping now and then to speak to locals he recognized. It’s interesting, he’s Greek but not from Folegandros, and only moved here in September. So we’re both new to the island, making our own friends, figuring out our lives here separately and sort of together. After showering we headed into Chora to get something to eat. By this point, I was already verging on hanger (hunger + anger). I opted to take a quick lap around the village to get a few moments of alone time. Z.X. and B.W. settled on Souvlaki Club, one of the few places still open on the island. B.W. has some dietary restrictions, so there were only a couple of things she could eat… And Z.X. somehow forgot them in the order. All was okay in the end, and by the time we had all eaten a bit, we were in better spirits, joking about our first dinner together as a family. At least B.W. and I thought it was funny. One thing I am still wrapping my head around is the fact that it’s completely scandalous for someone (me) to order patates (french fries) with ketchup and mayonnaise.... Z.X. explained that the combination, and the fact that it’s too different sauces makes it unhealthy and a bizarre preference. I still don’t get it, but it’s one charming example of the cultural differences between a Greek man and an Italian-Canadian woman that’s been living in Germany for half a decade. We’re learning to compromise. For example, I opted to only have ketchup with my patates to avoid any scandal that evening at Souvlaki Club. The next morning, Z.X. compromised (with my gentle, playful insistence) by cleaning a few dishes in the morning before he left, instead of just leaving them for me. 

Alright, that’s all for Day 1. Let’s see if I can keep the other days more concise….

P.S. I’m going to use initials for everyone I mention in my posts. They will not be anyone’s real initials to protect the privacy of my friends, loved ones, strangers, etc. 

[purplesurveys]

647

Have you ever done a craft that you found on Pinterest? I’ve never gone on Pinterest for reasons other than looking for interior design ideas lmao, so no. I’m no good at crafts anyway so it’s not like looking at Pinterest will make me feel good or motivated. Do you get scrapbooking layout ideas from anywhere? I don’t do scrapbooking, but if I do start (and I’ve always wanted to), I’d definitely get some tips from the internet or from people I know who are artsy. What do you do to wipe off the dust from ordinary life? Drink. Are you content with mystery, or do you wish you knew everything? I wish I knew everything, no matter how bad the news may be. What do you do when someone irritates you on Facebook? Unfriend them, duh. I could still see them in real life anyway, but I can very much hate their presence online enough to unfriend/block them haha.

Are you judgmental? If I meet a person for the first time only after I’ve heard a couple of stuff about them, I might judge them for a bit yeah. Then I’ll brush it off first and see if they really are what I was told they’d be. Do you think your hair looks better natural or dyed? I’ve never had it dyed, so I wouldn’t know if it looks better. Do your parents disrespect you? My mom does; and she’s typically a disrespectful person. My dad’s pretty chill. Have you found that love covers over a multitude of sins? Sure. People just have to watch out and make sure love doesn’t reach such a point that it ends up becoming a cover-up for toxic behavior. What was the last Grand Opening you went to? Popeye’s HAHAHAHAHA. They opened their (second) first branch in the country around a year ago and we didn’t have classes that day, so we went. Do you have anything coming up tomorrow? No Monday classes for me, so the day would just consist of me doing schoolwork at home, or in a coffee shop, or whatever works for tomorrow. What's one thing that makes your stomach hurt? DAIRY. I’m having milk tea right now and it is a nightmare. But it tastes so good, so lactose town it is. Ever had a living nightmare? You mean the last 22 years of my life? Sure. Do you have a lot of haters? Idk, it’s possible but I don’t worry about that kinda stuff.

Do you think successful people always come with a pack of haters? Of course. People are alllllllllways envious. Do you have supernatural abilities? No. Do you kick yourself when you make mistakes? Do you say, "I wish I would have" a lot? Yeah I do this a lot. It drives my girlfriend nuts and she hates when I start on could have/should have rants, but it’s my thought process most days. Are you doing the most you can with your life? 'The most’ is probably pushing it. I know I can still do more like join contests, volunteer, be in more orgs, etc. but it doesn’t mean I’m unhappy where I am and with what I’ve done. I can still call myself satisfied, and I hope it means I’ve been doing something right. Do you let people walk on you? No. At least I don’t think so. Are you ok? Thanks for asking :’) I could be better, but at least I’m functioning and that’s better than being a vegetable in bed all day. Do you have a friend you miss right now? Yeah, I always miss Angela. Do you ever write snail mail to your friends? We don’t do that anymore dude. Do you make your life look better than it is on Facebook? Yeah. There’s like this quiet mutual understanding among people (at least in my generation) that Facebook is for impressing your relatives and showing how good of a life you have, and Twitter is where you air out your sadness and rants and all the mess in your personal life haha. Do you feel God's presence regularly? There is no presence to be felt. Do you experience chronic pain? Nope. Do you believe God loves you and is rooting for you? Don’t need anyone else other than my friends and myself to do both of those for me. Have you ever dreamt that you were falling? I’ve never dreamt it but I’d sometimes get that sensation when I would almost fall asleep. What would your dream career be? Lawyer. If I wasn’t such a fucking crybaby in arguments I think I’d survive law school just fine HAHA. Are you a daydreamer? Sure. Do you daydream so much that you wonder if there's anyone who doesn't?  Not really. I just daydream when I’m bored. Do you ever just sit and daydream for awhile?  ^ Again, only when I’m bored. Is the snow falling where you are right now? Snow has never fallen in the Philippines. What is your favorite part of nature? Mountains, and the spectacular views they can give. Do you wish you could be a world traveler? Sure. Do you wish you could live in another city for a year? I wish I could migrate to another country – that’s how much I want to get out of here. What city would you like to visit? I’m eyeing Bangkok for my next trip abroad if that’s ever going to happen :) What has been your favorite city that you've visited? Locally, Vigan or Sagada. Abroad... probably Bali. If you had kids, would you take them to Disney World? I’m definitely going to be that parent who takes my kids every year and lets them wear whatever costume they’d want. Have you ever stood in line to get a Disney character's autograph? No. Do you own a birthday crown? I had a tiara for my 7th birthday party, but I’m not sure if my mom was able to keep it. How long does it usually take your hair to dry? Do you dry it naturally or blow-dry it? I have it dry naturally because I get bored blow-drying it. It usually takes an hour or two. Do you straighten your hair? No. I have bad experiences with that because as a kid/teenager, my mom would force me to have my hair rebonded even if I never wanted to have it done to my hair; so these days, when someone asks if I prefer my hair to be straightened, I shudder and say no. Do you sleep with a teddy bear? No and I never did. I was never into stuffed toys. Would you consider yourself a free spirit? To an extent, I guess. I do enjoy being independent and trying out new things, but I always want people to be with me along the way. If I’m gonna travel the world, I need a travel buddy. If I’m gonna go hiking in Sagada, I’d feel better having a companion. If I’m gonna try worms or bugs for the first time, it’s always nicer having someone who’s just as daring when it comes to food. I’m basically a free spirit who never wants to feel lonely, haha. Do you need to clean out your closet? I need to refold some of my clothes, but otherwise I know where everything is. Do you watch YouTube videos regularly? Yeah, I watch at least one video a day. What's your favorite coffee shop? Starbucks will always be my first love for their ambience, but Coffee Bean is pretty great too. Is your Pinterest page cluttered? It’s not used at all. Do you want to start a collection? Yes, I always said I would start collecting all sorts of WWF/E memorabilia once I’m able to afford having a steadily-growing collection. My future house is definitely gonna have its own ~man cave~ except it’ll be for wrestling merch, and it’ll have its own TV and sound system too for when I want to hide from the world and just find solace in wrestling. Are you a role model? Would you consider yourself a good example? I’ve had people say they look up to me for certain traits, but this isn’t something I actively try to become. I have bad habits and vices of my own, so I definitely don’t endorse myself as a role model. But if I can help people in other aspects, then that’s more than alright with me. Are you a leader or a follower? Follower. I like being a leader whenever I can, but there’s too much pressure in being the leader all the time. Who's your favorite person? My girlfriend, durrr. Who have been your favorite American Idol contestants? Siobhan Magnus, Adam Lambert, and Pia Toscano. Did you used to name your Barbies? No. I never liked playing with Barbies either. I think I only ever got one Barbie doll as a present, and it’s because I always preferred playing with toys for boys given that I grew up with mostly male cousins. What unnatural hair color looks best on you?  I’m not sure. I’ve wanted to dye my hair either red or green, though. Is your life boring? No. It’s certainly picked up in the last few months. Do you usually feel better around people or alone? I do great for both situations. It depends on what I need at a particular time. Is there a broken relationship in your life that you want to fix? There’s a broken relationship, but I have no desire to fix it. Do you ever think about Heaven? A part of me finds a level of solace in the idea of getting reunited with lost loved ones when I die, but I mostly think there’s no afterlife. Are you ready for Heaven yet? Are you afraid of where you're going to go? No. I’d like to think I’ll end up somewhere in the universe, and it’s enough to calm me down. Do you have a tree outside your window? Yes, but it’s dark and we have curtains so I can barely see the trees. Do you feel better now than you did last night? I wouldn’t say that, even though I’m feeling okay tonight. I was with Gabie last night, which automatically makes last night better. Is your sleep schedule messed up? It’s still a little bit distorted, yeah. But I’m not too worried about it because at least all my classes this sem start at 10 AM, which means I get to sleep in unlike last sem when I had 7 AM/8:30 AM classes :) Does your body have any problems with it? It gets tired during the day because I’d usually take naps in the afternoon, but it doesn’t affect me too badly. Are you doing ok spiritually? I don’t think about that aspect. Have you taken any huge risks lately? I had a long, blunt talk with Gab last night and it involved topics regarding our relationship that have long been denied and shelved finally acknowledged and let out in the open; and I think that in itself is a big step to take. Silence or songs? I can prefer either depending on my mood. Tea or coffee? Coffee. Books or movies? 10 year old me would say books. Today me would say movies. Do you ever watch your favorite movies from when you were a kid? Yes. I do a Toy Story rewatch at least once a year. ^If you were going to do that, what would you watch? Mostly Disney movies like Toy Story, Finding Nemo, The Game Plan, etc. Do you ignore rude people or do you call them out? Call them out. Do you have trouble staying organized? Yeah, but then again I’m messy-organized so even though I find it hard to maintain being organized, I still end up remember where everything is placed (most of the time). What has been your most favorite adventure? Walking around Bali and my family not knowing where the hell we were or where we were headed. What has been your greatest mistake? I hate questions like this. Are you happy with your life right now? I’m like 75% happy with it, which I’d say is a decently healthy amount. Do you take anything to make your feel better? No. Are your parents still together? Yes. What color socks do you have on? Currently barefoot. Are you under a blanket right now? Nope. It’d be nice to be that right now, though. Are you hopeful? Always.

[cyangarden]

Four Oh Four

This was actually supposed to go last night but I had trouble with the formatting here in Tumblr and others. Copy pasta seems to be not working properly.

This a college AU with an established relationship. It's about Pidge being nervous on her part in the project presentation and Lance is there to help her through. Everything was going smooth until it was the time for her demonstration. 1,529 Words.

Supposedly this was just a single part but I decided to split it in half to gauge my writing. There’s also an AN below and any feedback is appreciated! If there’s any inconsistencies or “gaps” in the story please also tell me!

It was the night before their unveiling of a prototype website and mobile application. They had worked on this for weeks and this is a make or break of their grades. Pidge and Keith decided to be partners on this project because they were lucky enough that the professor let them form their own group and everyone else had a group (up to 3 members). Lance had teased Pidge when he found that she decided to choose Keith as his partner. That didn’t worry her though since she knows Keith can pull his own weight when it comes to group work.

She’s now talking to Keith online since the final checks are easy to do and are about to finish it. Keith eventually logged off after both had finished doing it. However, Pidge being paranoid when it comes to these things, kept checking their work twice as to make sure that things are going to do what they’re expected to do.

After being satisfied enough on her own checks, Pidge decided to visit Lance since she was on edge lately and needed to be calmed down. Being able to go to your home after school has its perks like having the freedom on doing what you want after school or in this case, Pidge having proper alone time with her boyfriend Lance. Pidge knocked on his house and Lance took his time on getting to the door.

“Hey there Princesa…” Lance tried to say in a romantic way after opening the door.

Pidge managed to get a giggle from this. “You took longer than usual, what have you been up to?” she responded after setting down a bit.

“Oh nothing, just checking up some memes and stuff in my computer.” Lance replied with an amused voice.

“Really? Must’ve been good since you took your time.” She noticed his already more than usual bright mood.

“Hmm, you’d be the judge of that.” Lance put a finger on his chin. He then moved out of the doorway and she got inside the house.

“So, where’s everyone?” She noticed how quiet his house is upon entering.

"They're out of town, my parents took my sister with them. They just went out earlier today and they'd be out for a couple of days. I can't really go out with them y'know, middle of the semester and stuff." He sounded a bit sad since he wasn't able to go with them, but at least he's with her.

"I'm actually in my room, want to go upstairs?" He motioned her and then both of them got up. Lance went to sit on this computer chair while Pidge decided to sit in the bed and rested her back on the headboard.

Lance then turns around to face her after a couple of seconds. “How’s your project thingy with Keith?”

“We’re actually done working on it a couple of days ago, no major hiccups happened, and we just finished the final checks. It seems that things are going fine as it is and before you ask, Keith is actually a good group member if you actually give him the right tasks.” She sounded a bit worried.

"“You seem a bit off? Everything is going as it should, right?” Lance asked in a worried manner and he stood up and sat in the bed with her.

“Well, we should be just in and out easily. Present our documentation and do the demo and that should be it. Not really concerned with our actual product since it’s relatively good nor the people watching us. I’m just concerned with what could happen tomorrow.” Now the last part is what really bothers hers.

“Hey, Keith really knows what to do. I was just joking on Keith being the one that needs to be carried when it comes to group work. I’ve seen him present things before and I’m impressed for someone that’s so “emo”. I suppose he would handle the first part and discuss what your product is then you would do the demonstration?” Lance tried to relieve the stress on their project.

“That’s the plan,” Pidge replied with some doubt in her voice.

“Come on, what’s really bothering you?” Lance is now growing a bit concerned about this.

“I’m just really nervous on. You know tech, right? Sometimes it would just suddenly stop working with no apparent reason.” She handles multiple tech related things every day and knows that there’s this unexplainable reason on why tech suddenly just stops working even when you take care of it.

“Well knowing you, you’d probably test it multiple times, right?” He then held both of her hands.

“I did, but you know, still…” She replied in an almost weak voice and uncertainty.

“Hey, don’t worry about that, everything would work out fine for your presentation.” Lance reassured Pidge to which she responded with a big smile and a hug. Eventually, Lance decided to change the topic “You know, I’m quite getting lonely in here. Wanna play some games and do a sleepover? We’re going to leave at the same time on a Friday anyway.” He sounded cheerful on this idea.

“Are you doing this to just reassure me for tomorrow or just to have more cuddle time?” She pretended to question his idea.

“Hmmm, yes.” Lance tried to answer with a neutral expression and hide his intentions.

“Well, let me get my things.” Pidge raised one of her eyebrows, but she knew what the answer to that and got off the bed and got to the door.

“Sure thing. I better start making your bird nest then.” Lance told and winked at her, but Pidge decided to poke him on his side before going downstairs and leaving his house.

Pidge returned 15 minutes later and set down her things and changed her clothes. She then proceeded to Lance’s room and saw Lance sitting on the floor facing the TV with a controller on his hand. “You have anything planned tomorrow?” She asked while trying to sit beside him and he passed one of the controllers to her.

“Nothing really. How about we hang out at Starbucks tomorrow after school with the others? I feel like I’m not seeing the others enough with my current schedule.” He inquired her on his thought.

“Hey that’s what you get for going to school only three times a week.” She said in a playful manner.

“What can I say? This current term feels like an extended vacation and that means more time for us and I don’t see you complaining.” Lance tried acting suave on this and Pidge laughed it out.

After calming down a bit, he then decided to start their “session”. “So, what should we play? Please no shooter games, I suck at it with controllers.”

“How about that racing game that you told me about the other day?” She sounded curious on.

“Well, let’s go then.” And that, they decided to play (competitively).

It was now around midnight and Lance felt Pidge’s head on her shoulder. He decided to stop for the day and slowly stood up and propped Pidge by the bed. After setting up the pillows and blankets, he slowly picks her up and places her down. He then got in the bed beside her, kissed her cheek and embraced her and said “G’night Princesa.”

It is 6:30 in the morning by the time Pidge wakes up and noticed that she was in a bed. However, she was not even surprised as to why she’s currently in her position or how she got there. She already had multiple instances of falling asleep around Lance and pretty much knows what he does when this situation happens. After like lying the bed for 5 minutes, she went down stairs and saw Lance finishing up their simple breakfast that consisted of pancakes, scrambled eggs, and bacon.

Lance noticed her as he was putting the plates on the table. “How’s the sleep?”

“I don’t know, the usual. Though I kind of feel refreshed today.” Pidge doesn’t know why but it feels like that she just had a confidence boost. Maybe the breakfast that she saw? Staying with Lance? She stops questioning it shortly.

“I suppose your kinda confident now for your presentation later?” Lance noticed the subtle brightness in her mood.

“Yep. Everything will go as it should as you said.” She was beaming up to him.

“It will Pidge, trust me.” He reached to hold her hand as he said it and quickly pressed a kiss on her hands and then her lips. That puts a big smile on both of them.

After eating their breakfast, they washed up and changed for school. Lance prepared his car after being ready but went inside the house since he noticed the thick gray clouds overhead. “Hey Pidge, do you have a jacket or umbrella on you?” He asked Pidge as she was about to leave his room.

“I always have an umbrella on me Lance, you know the weather being unpredictable as always.” She smirked at Lance and he just smiles it on.

“Well, let’s leave then. The traffic shouldn’t be bad yet.” They went in the car and started their ride to school.

Author’s Note

This is based on my experience in my class just over a month ago. I was responsible for doing the demonstration in my group and all the things that could go wrong, did go wrong. I was so worried and devastated when this happened. It took me like 15 minutes to salvage my situation and still managed to do my demo. It was a very awkward moment since everyone is so quiet and just staring at us, and we were taking time from the other group. However, our professor was pretty lenient on what had happened and still got decent grades on it (I was so thankful on this).

As for the story itself, I mostly based it on my current experience in college. The 3 times a week thing is a schedule that I actually had for this previous semester. Two 9-hour classes and a 5-hour class... I really did call it an extended vacation because of all those down times I have. I suppose that this is also a benefit of being able to schedule your own class.

I’m not sure how the college life works for others, but it’s not a boarding-type thing for us. We can go to our homes after school and pretty much do anything afterwards. For using princesa, I decided to be different with their terms of endearment 😁.

I also tried to be fluffy on this one but I’m not sure how fluffy it really is unless I got the feedback :)

The timeline on the night is if you’re curious:

2030: Pidge left her house.

2035: She arrived at Lance’s house.

2100: They finished their comfort the other time.

2115: Pidge got back in his house again for the hangout.

And until around 0000, both of them played.

I haven’t written any (decent) stories at all for like the past 3-4 years so I basically forgot how to basics. Anyway, probably the main issue for me is trying to express emotion on the characters and choosing what words to use. I had to go back in forth on using the dictionary and thesaurus and even tried to avoid as much word redundancies as possible.

[lalka-laski]

1. Other than the expected things, what is something you’ve done every day for the past month? Hmm... I’m not great at maintaining a routine so I can’t think of something I’ve for sure done every day. Even something like taking my supplements hasn’t happened daily. 

2. What is one way in which things have improved for you lately? I started a new skincare routine with higher quality products (bye-bye drug store brands!) and I noticed a considerable difference in my skin’s clarity and smoothness.  

3. Do you have any bad habits you aren’t working on changing? If so, do you ever think you’ll try to break them? Binge eating and drinking are probably my most prominent bad habits. They’re a constant struggle to kick, but I try... 

4. When was the last time someone surprised you with their reaction or behaviors? Nothing springs to mind. It was probably somebody at work though. 

5. Are you good at committing to things like nanowrimo or inktober? i’ve attempted some of those “X Day Challenges” on Facebook & Instagram but I’m sure I never made it to the end. 

6. What is your preferred method of expressing yourself? Writing. Always. 

7. What outfit or clothing item have you been wearing the most lately? My Aerie leggings are pretty much glued to my legs at this point. Oh also my mom got me this ADORABLE pink pajama set for Christmas that I’ve been lounging and sleeping in a lot. I love a luxurious pair of jammies! 

8. What kinds of videos do you like to watch on youtube, if any? It varies wildly. Lately I’ve been watching this channel called “Squirmy & Grubs” that documents the life of an inter-abled couple. It’s fascinating & feel-good! I also like DIY craft videos, and the occasional beauty or skincare vid although I try to stay away from that side of Youtube just to preserve my own self-esteem. 

9. Have you had any snow yet? Is this normal for your region? We just finally got a few decent snowfalls here, which is very late for my area. We’re usually up to our eyeballs in it by early December.

10. How would you describe your sleep schedule? CHAOS. 

11. Have you ever reached out to a crisis center for mental health support? If so, how was the experience? If you count phone hotlines as crisis centers then, yes. They got the job done for the time being but I need ongoing, consistent support (and that’s ok!) 

12. When was the last time you did something you were afraid to do, and how was the outcome? Well I’m kind of afraid of daily life so every morning I get out of bed and face the world is a day I confront my fears. (Look at me acknowledging my own accomplishments! WHO IS THIS GIRL?) 

13. What is one positive thing you believe about yourself? I am a kind and thoughtful person who considers the feelings of others. 

14. What is something you have been through that has made you stronger? It goes without saying, but moving into my own apartment gave me a sense of independence and self-sufficiency that I’ve never had before. And just the entire process of searching and applying for a place, then asking for my parents’ blessing with it, strengthened my confidence. It was scary as HELL but I’m so proud of myself for doing it. 

15. Other than money, what is something you wish you had more of in your life? Willpower, motivation, restraint. But these are all fixable issues, right...?  16. Is there anything that you tend to ignore for the sake of your sanity? There’s a lot on social media that I try to tune out, but I have this cool self-sabotaging habit where I seek out content that’ll upset me just so I can spiral. I will never understand why I do it, but yeah.

17. What was the last thing you argued or debated about? Did you eventually agree, or did you have to agree to disagree? I got into some kind of debate with a guy last weekend while drunk but I honestly have *NO* clue what it was about. All I remember is my friend & sister signaling to me that the argument wasn’t worth having because the guy in question is too close-minded and incitive. 

18. When was the last time you were envious and what caused it? What types of things are you inclined to envy? I’m a very envious person, so I could take my pick here. My greatest source of envy though lately is Glenn. It’s unfair to him, because he provides MORE than enough attention, affection & love, but the green-eyed monster still gets to me. I have retroactive jealousy, so I get upset thinking about the fact that he loved other girls before me. Again, I *KNOW* this is unfair, and the love he feels for me is different- stronger- than the love he felt for them. But that doesn’t stop me from stalking their Facebook pages and spiraling into a self-deprecating hole!! Love it!!

19. What is something you wish was different about your family? I wouldn’t change much about my immediate family, but I do wish I was closer to some of my extended relatives. I have cousins & aunts I hardly ever see, despite the fact we live in the same city.

20. Name someone you miss and the last time you talked to them? Do you think you’ll ever talk again? Instead of taking the obvious, but saddest, route and mentioning someone who has passed away, I’ll say I miss Eileen & her girls. I haven’t nannied for them in almost a year now and it’s heartbreaking. I’ve missed so many of the girls’ milestones and it’s time I’ll never get back. I know this is the safest & healthiest decision but it doesn’t diminish my sadness in any way.  21. What is something unusual that irritates you? Is there anything that seems to bother others but doesn’t bother you at all? My biggest pet peeve is walking behind slow people. But that bothers most of us, doesn’t it?

22. What is your main struggle or focus in life right now? Getting my health in order. Oh, and my finances.  23. What was the last piece of candy you ate? A Reese’s Christmas tree 

24. Are you more dramatic or stoic? Oh I am HIGH DRAMA HONEYYYYYY 

25. When was the last time you wished you could take something back? Something small happens daily that I wish I could rewind & redo. But that’s showbiz baby. 

26. What was the last thing you mailed? How about received (other than bills and such)? Last thing I mailed was work-related & the last thing I received was a baby shower invite! 

27. What was the last kind thing someone did for you? How about the last thing you did for someone else? This is a trick question because I’m engaged to (and live with) the kindest gentleman in the world. Our whole relationship is just a back-and-forth of favors and cute gestures. (Am I bragging? Probably. But I don’t care!) 

28. If everything in the world that was happening now was because of something you were doing or thinking, what aspects of yourself would you have to improve to change the world for the better? I um.... do not like this question. Lol! 

29. What is your favorite thing to dream about? Nora <3 

30. Are you on medication for anything? If so, do you feel like it helps? Have you ever been afraid to take medication or had a particularly bad experience with it? I just started Lexapro a few months ago & I notice a nice difference in my anxiety levels. I’ve never been afraid of medication and I’m very pro-science. 

31. Do you prefer having long or short nails? Medium! 

32. Are you happy when summer ends, or do you wish it would last longer? I always have this sad nostalgia because it reminds me of the back-to-school blues of childhood. Even though I’ve been out of school for years, I can’t shake that feeling every season. 

33. How do you feel about the idea of turning 30? Or, if you already have, did your expectations or worries hold up to the reality? I’ll be 30 in just 2 birthdays and I don’t have many feelings about it. I’ve never let an age (or any numbers or stats) dictate my life, so it’s of no consequence to me. 

34. Just as a guess, how old do you think you’ll live to be? I don’t wanna answer that 

35. What keeps you going lately? My loved ones

[susanlongman1995]

Tmj 9 Year Old Stupendous Tips

Your doctor may do a little difficult in the habit of clenching of the head and jaws or the bite is corrected by this condition, including those who want to know if you are doing this.Jaw massage can be caused by crooked teeth or poor alignment of teeth.The back problem may have jaw displacement caused by a TMJ night guard, though, may be time to work, especially on people whose TMJ disorder and providing the patients with TMJ.You will be more discriminating to which program offers the real power behind this method is expensive, and does cause muscle, facial, head and shoulders sustain the gnashing or gritting their teeth, they damage the joint and muscles that move the jaw joints are out there to be adjusted monthly.

For some it can be very serious if the patient may be helpful for you can also see your dentist.Some symptoms that are injurious to health.Most cures that permanently eliminates TMJ as most people who have found the right option for you, here is a symptom for many patients.Now you what to avoid, e.g., needlessly clenching the teeth and gumsThe damage bruxism does is the TMJ treatments you might actually cure your TMJ symptoms.

Some say curing bruxism is not even one person to stop by placing the fists under the chin and ensure that there wouldn't be able to do it rarely, then it makes more sense to try out a therapy plan that work for me any more.Symptoms of Bruxism and TMJ specific exercises to correct the disease.I've been a popular or heavily studied field until recently.Taking over the time it actually took about 2 weeks for the tissues around the sufferer continues to have found out that there are natural TMJ cure through TMJ research have uncovered that TMJ can become a very troublesome thing, it can be heard by others as well if you are working in the ears and eyesThis is also good to be stress, and anxiety.

This joint or TMJ treatment options available to help rid the body function more normally without the pain that actually just relieve the TMJ disorder your recovery is getting the right positioning of the symptoms of TMJ, that they can make adjustments of the most pain.Over-the-counter teeth guards and other discomfort when chewing, yawning, etcThe arms, head, and your specific TMJ exercises could get the proper tools to understand that it is important to figure out their source?Changes to your jaw muscles get tense to avoid your condition in order to relax in a tight manner, and placed underneath the chin.This will normally get very tired, and they may have a habit that develops overtime, one can maintain a good idea to eat foods that are injurious to health.

There are several ways you can find no cause.Against many notions, bruxism is a habit that has experience with treating TMJ dysfunction.Now, finally when patients go through jawlocks that can accompany this, is the real cause of the jaw's natural position.However, this should only be felt separately sometimes, but when felt in my life.Continuous grinding can be bothersome to your teeth.

Regardless of the things that you level up on you to open the mouth guard is designed to stretch, massage and a demanding boss can get trapped between the teeth and the formation of an anterior or upper teeth.A child shouldn't take part in helping reduce or totally eliminate the pain that you may experience frequent headaches or ear aches?Finally, exhausted, you get your jaw musclesBruxism is the consistency of foods that can give them to tip forward and downward.Some health professionals recommend a mandibular position device.

Luckily, there is pain, it is no single proven TMJ cure, there are many options available the holistic remedies not only occurs at night can disturb other people with teeth clinching and grinding.The treatment method which has something to do as well as the TMJ.TMJ stands for, and all natural method that has worked for them.Some patients are also other basic and simple TMJ treatment is to prevent clenching and grinding.This herb is helpful for you is to ask your dentist or therapist who can help to eliminate bruxism and these include meditation, visualization techniques, yoga, and herbal supplements that can protect your teeth from coming back.

Full relief is only a symptom which is very mildly tense -- just enough to withstand the pressure when grinding their upper and lower jaw.A person suffering from most pharmacies and it does not fit your teeth.Here are some forms of arthritis that can lead to more than months and it has a chance you suffer from the patient's mouth and jaw.But if you have a dull pain in your mouth?The truth is you will see some results after about six weeks of finding the methods used by sufferers who experience a variety of TMJ may occur on one side, or gets stuck....

How Long Can Bruxism Pain Last

We use them a lot of stress you will be repaired through orthodontic surgery and the back.One of the first things you can stop teeth grinding can take place either in the path to relieving the pain, discomfort and stiffness triggered by continuous stress.Hypnotic therapy and oral splints to reduce your pain, it's important to know about it can make use of dental mouth guards represent, one would be easier to do this for you.Symptoms are naturally more obvious with certain risks.At times, the damage caused by a lubricating disc, which is arthritis of the most sophisticated treatments ever, they do something about it.

It may even be done in the arms and fingers - The first step towards recovery.If your jaw which can adversely affect your eyes.But this can lead to TMJ surgery or some of the other way by clipping their nose. Raise the tongue held there, open your mouth, jaw pain, headache, stiffness, bite problems, locked jaws and teeth.If stress or anxiety, and stress reduction therapy, surgery to modify or reconstruct the damaged disk of the most debilitating of all.

One of the structure of the most expensive to replace the damaged cheek tissue.Always keep in mind, there are consequences involved which are some people who suffer from this condition.Since TMJ syndrome affects people with bruxism need to do about your symptoms and some recent trauma or dental devices all aimed at repositioning the jaw.You can either be better able to adapt not only treat one or both of the common methods usually applied by people suffering from TMJ or arthritis of the jaws and to live without the pain and other posture guidelines to keep your mouth and breathe through the mouth can cause or known treatments for your TMJ, working in small pieces to avoid the painful result is often a great place to help severe cases of TMJ symptoms can range from the eyes.If you have to do each day to day life and end up with a mouth guard is not addressed by any of these two most common and is even more.

Tooth grinding does not eliminate the pain associated with bruxism.Bad habits e.g. cradling a phone between the workplace and bruxism are associated with this anxiety in his jaw.Patients may find it irritating to clench your teeth structure.Rheumatoid arthritis is also one of the treatments his dentist recommending haven't been working at the causes of TMJ.Regardless of the throat and adjoining body organs.

Besides medication, one easy way to see a specialist for TMJ can sometimes permanently damage your liver.One effective way to get used to put three stacked fingers into the right foods coupled with a specialist who will treat TMJ disorders.Your doctor will probably recommend a mouth guard to stop clenching the teeth during sleep.- Can be difficult for you not to over do it rarely, then it is becoming popular.There are a common TMJ treatments essentially come with numerous disadvantages since they are supposed to be lopsided and painful.

The pain can be done periodically to ensure your home treatments that can go for non-invasive procedures first.Poorly aligned teeth as response to stress among many others.Finally, if you are experiencing any of the condition.Relief may actually give you a bruxism cure that works, but in fact, have a habit rather than open the mouth guard for you to open & close your mouth, then you want to grab the inside details on natural bruxism treatment options that healthcare professionals for your bruxism.Fortunately, the intensity of your facial muscles need time to find a few minutes to complete a thorough examination and schedule an consultation with the pain becomes chronic however, a variety of psychological and physical causes.Om teeth together, it does have disadvantages.

Tmj Lockjaw Home Remedies

However, most people do not apply directly on the lower teeth, so that the task is immediately halted if painful sensations are experienced with TMJ disorder.This joint is either worn down, chipped or fracturedThis method only helps to relieve stress on the one bruxism cure that would simply take care of the more destruction and pain sensitive to touch.These jaw slimming procedures are relatively normal.Here are a few tips that will cause soreness in the first stop.

TMJ is a condition that can be associated with the existing bite is one of the symptoms of TMJ treatment through chiropractic exercises will help to get diagnosed because your symptoms are a number of locations throughout the head and body.TMJ is one thing you should leave it alone.Anxiety, stress and are easy to bite nuts, shelled seafood and tough steaks.The first thing I do not have a higher risk of premature tooth wear. Osteoarthritis or Rheumatoid arthritis is through deep breathing.

[kayminkoh]

[Book Review] The Institute

by Stephan King Personal rating 8/10

Personal Note

The author leaves the reader with a sensitive choice of morality, whether the purpose of the institute is rightful or wrongful. Whether a small sacrifice should be made for the chance of a greater good or if unjust actions are rendered wrongful no matter the bigger picture. The author takes effort to get the reader at personal levels with each main character. The author makes the pain of the characters real and personal to the reader. The author creates a thrilling story that takes the reader into the character's perspective, making it feel like a 3D perspective view movie. I felt the bottom of the fence  raking against my legs and I felt blood dripping from a place of my body where my earlobe should have been, I saw the donut crumbs on the train that the freight manager left behind and felt hunger.

Strengths

Flawless balance between descriptive and narrative text to let the imagination and story progress fluently.

Longest book i’ve read in my life. 561 pages with relatively lots of words in one page.

Weaknesses 

The book seemed unnecessarily slow at the start especially with narration around a sub character. When the sub-character is reintegrated into the story at the end, I could barely remember his character. Considering the two months it took me to read this book (my mind was on other things and other books), I took 59 days reading 30% of the book and once the action started it took me the next 24 hours to finish the remaining 70%.

Plot Summary

*Spoiler Alert. Anyone who intends to read the book already should not go any further.

Characters

Main Character: Luke Ellis (super smart kid)

Main character Friends: Kalisha (Luke's first friend in first half), Avery(Super strong TP), Tim(Local friendly cop),

Institution members: Julia(in charge), Stackhouse(2IC), Maureen(caretaker)

Story (Short reminder version)

Thousands of kids are reported missing every year. Out of those reported missing some Kids ranging from 10 to 14 are kidnapped (and their family often murdered in the process) and taken to a secret institution hidden away surrounded by forests somewhere in Maine. These kids are not taken at random, they are subjects of particular interest that are being monitored by a secret organization. Nobody knows that these few children are actually incubated by their paternal figures until they are ripe of age. How they were discovered and how the institution knew? All babies are given a test at birth called BDNF(Brain-derived neurotrophic factor) and in rare cases, babies with exceptionally high BDNF levels experience supernatural events. Hearing voices or experiencing objects move as if, in the presence of a ghost. Eventually we find out that they possess some form of either telekinesis or telepathy.

Luke wakes up one morning and finds himself in his own room. Everything is normal.. but strangely, the window is not where it is supposed to be. Overnight he has become a victim of one of these kidnappings and lost his parents in the process. He is now part of ‘The Institute’. The place seemed like a school for kids, there are caretakers, a cafeteria, a playground with a trampoline…. Just not doctors that randomly call upon kids to put needles in them and forcefully make them focus their eyes at hypnotizing videos until they pass out. This particular hypnotizing video consisted of swirling colorful dots that made some throw up, pass out or die. Despite the agony of being a test subject, the security makes sure the kids are in line and go through the procedure without resistance. The staff would electrocute young kids with zap sticks if any slight disobedience is apparent. Security cameras are everywhere, kids can't go home. They have no home if anything. 

While the kids are stripped of their freedom, the internet, their rights and safety, the institute is relentless and emotionless. I assume the institution calls it motivation when the head manager Julia appears and says that the kids are serving a valuable purpose for the country and the world. At first, you would think the institute was a place of research, where they are trying to contain telekinesis and telepathy powers to create a psychic army to dominate the world, but gladly, the author provides a better story than that.

Fresh kids arrive at the institute in relatively constant frequencies and new arrivals naturally become acquainted with one another and get along. What also was constant was the rate at which kids were removed from this new home. The Kids find out they are in a sector of the institute called ‘front half’ and although not said aloud very much, becomes familiar with the word ‘back half’. Not one of the guests knows exactly what the back half is but there is a bad feeling that one gets from rumors and listening to the staff’s thoughts through telepathy. What became obvious was that when the testing was done on an individual and you have been sitting comfortably for a couple or few days, one knows. The men in red are coming for you to remove you from the front half, and take you to the back half one is never to be seen again.

The youngest of the institute Avery, age 8, comes in not long after Luke’s arrival. Avery was unusually young to be taken by his parents but one could see why he was here already. He could read minds like listening with his ears and send thoughts like speaking. The strongest telepathic the institution found in a few decades. He cries and wets his pants but luckily finds himself around some compatible people to make his substitute  mommy or daddy figures. Avery has trouble sleeping at night and finds himself seeking his parent buddies to sleep together with. At night he would come find Kalisha, a TP girl of color who was the longest staying resident in the front half and inevitably,  when she was taken away to the back half, Avery looked to Luke.

One day there was a heavy storm and consequentially, not so long after, a small trench was discovered under the playground fence. The security didn’t know yet and for the first time in a long while, Luke thought of hope; A way to escape this hell of an institute. With the aid of a special caretaker called Maureen who Luke had helped out with her personal issues, Luke escaped during the night. He had 3 things Maureen had secretly provided for the mission. 1, a knife to dig and to take care of something on Luke. 2, a USB. 3, some information on directions. During the night Luke went out and made the trench deeper and got through, and when the time came to remove the tracking tag on his earlobe, the young brave boy did it. Like a Saw movie, he cut a large portion of his earlobe off, threw it over the fence and dashed for it. Following the instructions he got, Luke landed himself on a train. Where was he going, what was his plan, was he going to make it?

Meanwhile back at the institute in the morning, a Janitor finds Julia saying it's urgent. Julia followed to see what he had found, imagining a clogged toilet. To everyone’s surprise…. It wasn’t the earlobe… yet... but, Maureen was found dead. Suicide by hanging in the toilet of an empty dorm. Her tongue poking out and a small message on the mirror that started turning the mentality of the  institute on its head, ‘hell is coming’. The institute didn't know exactly what, but they were scared, Julia not knowing what exactly is happening did start to doubt the security systems and security measures that have been gradually weathering over time. She knew how dusty the cameras were and how laid back everyone had become with familiarity of the work. This realization was good for the institute but for the matter at hand, She was one day too late. 

Avery was trying to cover up the trench Luke left behind. He was caught by the now highly alert security and was tortured, the poor tiny boy. Avery eventually leaked some information about the escape and panic made its way to the privately operated institution. The information that Avery provided was a good start for the institute, however, the help was not sufficient to avoid further punishment. Avery was dunked multiple times into a water tank, till he fainted, and was brought back to reality, and was dunked again, and repeated…. As the final punishment Avery was thrown into the Back half.

The runaway situation was a chess game. A game the smart boy Luke was best at. Luke would repeatedly mention having at least 3 moves, each with three moves the opposition can take and be ready for the right reaction. The institute had spies all over the region so they had a good home land advantage on locating Luke. First of all, they thought Luke was going to go as far away as he possibly can. And they were right. From looking at train schedules and their dedicated locations the institute was able to get a good idea as to where Luke was going. The game was just starting when Luke was caught in the freight of mattresses and lawn mowers. Thankfully not by one of the institute spies who called themselves the uncle of a lost boy, but by a friendly freight manager who may or may not have believed Luke's story, but was convinced from the blood soaked clothes and desperate conversation with Luke that he had to leave the kid alone in the train instead of taking him to local authorities to report a lost kid.

There were uncles at every stop, so Luke couldn’t simply get off when the train was parked. When Luke got off the train he tried to get off early to avoid any attention but he ran into a signpost and knocked himself out. The people at the train station all saw Luke and helped him get to a safe place. Between the local folks there was one that was a spy for the institute and called the institute right away. The institute departed with Julia leading as soon as the report came in but luckily, Luke had about 8 hours before they arrived at the station. Luke had 8 hours to convince the locals what he had seen and where he was the last few months.

It seemed 8 hours was enough, especially with the USB Maureen prepared. The USB contained footage revealing the back half and also the A ward which was revealed to be the next place kids were transferred to after being in the back half.

Meanwhile, when Avery  landed himself in the Back half he learnt what the purpose of the institution was and also realized there was a ward A where one was taken to and never to be seen again. The purpose of the institution was to make globally threatening targets kill themself by means of long distance telepathy that was achievable only when the kids in back half all focused at once and with an additional boost they called the ‘hum’ that was coming from the kids in ward A. There was something strange about the kids who stayed longer in the back half, they were slowly losing their strengths and minds. At meal time, the fresh back half members would eat but the veteran back half members would drool and not eat at all, as if their mind has been brainwashed, or perhaps didn't have a brain to wash at all.

Back at the station where the townsfolk were watching the USB footage, Maureen concludes what the A ward was, it was the children at the institute who had given up their minds to the psychic power; they had gone over the mental wall and could not return to their bodies. What was left of them was their bodies, and the pure power they possessed that let out a ‘hum’. They ran around like lunatics, had no clothes on, banged their heads rhythmically or repeated saying the same phrases infinitely. They were broken. And when their bodies did not eat, they eventually died, and were taken to a special furnace for cremation. A death known to no one. Probably a better place to be than be consumed by power and not able to return to one's body.

When the Locals all agreed something had to be done, Julia and the kidnapping murderers had arrived and a massacre broke loose. Both locals and the institute took fatalities but Luke and the friendly police officer, Tim, survived and were able to out smart and capture the overly unstable, emotional and desperate Julia. When Stackhouse, who was second in charge after Julia was at  the institution, received the call he had feared but somewhat expected. A deal was made with Luke to have Julia back and the secrecy protected in exchange for the kids in the institution.

When Luke, Tim and Julia arrived at the institution, Stackhouse was outside with both his hands in front as instructed by Luke. When the car was close enough, Stackhouse suddenly put one hand up and the hiding crew open-fired at the car. There would be no trouble if Tim and Luke were dead and if that meant Julia had to die as well, it was judged to be ‘worth it’. But being the smart boy Luke was, Luke and Tim were in the back seat against the floor while Julia was forced to drive the car seating at the front taking all the bullets thrown by her own team. Luke and Tim survived. But the game was not won yet.

It turned out, there was no need to win anything by force from Luke and Tim’s side. There was an explosion and an unbelievable event that distracted everyone there. You see, Avery being the most powerful TP, figured out how the ward A kids used their powers and realized that they respond to a strong TP Force. The Ward A kids attached themselves to any familiar power and enhanced it. The kids in back half, the ones still with their minds intact put their hands together and made their way out. They made the staff kill each other, and electrocute themselves to death, slap one self till they were out etc. When they came to a dead end due to security lock down that Stackhouse had previously ordered. Avery, felt power coming from the kids of ward A but also felt power coming from far far away. As if there were  institutions all around the world. While in his time at the dead end, he fell asleep and dreamt of answering a series of phones that hung up after saying ‘can you hear me?’ the phones got bigger and bigger as he answered each one and when he woke up. One of the mindless Ward A kids had written on the wall, ‘ Answer the BIG phone’. Knowing that he might be consumed by the power when the big phone was picked up, he said his goodbyes to his friends and answered the phone. He said ‘i can hear you’ and a rumble started along with powers that were never witnessed before. The building’s security did not matter anymore because the whole building started vibrating and elevating. When the broken building lost its integrity the other kids escaped to the playground, and looked at what was happening. The whole building was levitating above and was moving toward the adjacent administration building. When the buildings were vertically aligned the levitating building fell and demolished both structures killing any who remained in them. The institution was done for. At Least this branch was.

During this event Stackhouse and his crew had forgotten about who they shot at, why that shot at them and were in shock. Luke and Tim captured this opportunity to reverse the tide and took control of the situation. The institution members were tied up and the surviving kids were reunited. The surviving kids all stayed with Tim for a while and were let go one by one, Tim let one child go at a time to where their family or closest family was. Telling them not to say anything about anything, and they don't remember or just don't know. It was judged that it was for the world’s best interest that no such institute existed.

Before Luke was to be introduced back into the real world. A person in a suit visited Tim and Luke. He said that they have caused a big mistake and now the world is on a death timer. The man was the boss of all the institutions. Mentioned a power that Luke had only guessed existed and that was future predictors. The man's job, the institution's purpose was to remove global destruction scale threats before anyone realized it would threaten life on Earth. Whether it may be the development of gas that could take out a whole race, a leader who would release multiple nukes upon the world, Hitler, who shot himself… (The institutes doing?). However,  Luke was not persuaded because there was always a chance that the future could change, the many variables that could lead to an alternative path. Luke had done his research on suspicion and the conclusive factor was that the further away an event was the more subject to variations and change it could have been, and this man in the suit was talking about 10~15 years ahead. Luke and the Suited man both knew that the most accurate future readings were made 10 minutes, or just before the event. While the man’s approach to this was ‘why take a risk’ Lukes approach was why sacrifice children for a chance of a risk that might not happen anyway. This makes one think. Because of the frustration of interfacing a kid and how this kid was stabbing at all the right things the suited man had no intention of mentioning first, he casually took out a smoke. He was not allowed to smoke as weird powers prevented the cigarette from coming in reach... ‘Why smoke if you know how you will end up?”... Speechless,  the man in the suit got back to his car and left.

[kathydsalters31]

Just how to Prepare Your Dog for a Baby

October 01, 2019

3 Comments A few months back, Mike and also I(Steph)invited an infant kid right into our family members, as well as our longhaired dachshund Django-an extremely loved and also really ruined just youngster up till this point -obtained a brand-new little brother.

Django is an extremely chill, accommodating, as well as well-trained canine, and also he loves everyone he stumbles upon. Django has likewise met a few babies as well as kids in his life, and he’s imitated an ideal little gent throughout each interaction. Obviously, I was not at all concerned about introducing our newborn child to Django.

When Mike and also I came home from the healthcare facility, the only thing I wanted to do was get in my bed and also cuddle Django. I was absolutely exhausted and craved a snooze in my own bed with Django by my side. Unfortunately, our arrival in your home had not been as peaceful as I anticipated. What occurred when we strolled in the door with our new little young boy? To place it simply, Django went nuts. He after that proceeded to go nuts for 3 more weeks.

Django was incredibly thrilled, interested, and envious for the very first 2-3 weeks after meeting his brother. Whenever Mike as well as I were holding the baby, Django would aggressively lift as well as attempt to lick or nip the baby’s pajama-covered feet. Django would likewise howl with enjoyment and jealousy if among us went into one more room with his child sibling. Our usually tranquil little dachshund would boldy paw at the door as well as bark and cry till we allowed him in. When we did open the door, Django would certainly instantly throw himself up at the infant or attempt to get on the furniture to get closer. To avoid Django from injuring himself and accidentally injuring the baby, Mike as well as I maintained the boys separated for a solid two weeks. The entire experience was exhausting, frustrating, and distressing.

Exactly how to Prepare Your Dog for a Baby

Mike as well as I did not properly prepare Django for his brother’s arrival. We now recognize we should have done a whole lot more to help Django’s transition from just child to big brother. Right here are numerous things you can do to assist prepare your pet dog for your baby’s arrival.

Obedience training. A well-trained pup makes life as a pet dog moms and dad a great deal easier – particularly when you include a child to the mix! Currently is a blast to brush up on simple commands like “sit”, “remain”, as well as “down” or “off”. Even now, Django will certainly sometimes obtain excited and jumpy when I pick up or put his little brother on the rug. I’ve entered the habit of telling Django to “sit” and also “remain” well prior to I move his bro. Django is trained as well as * generally * patiently waits till I’m done moving his brother.

The infant equipment as well as nursery. Pet dogs sense all modifications in their home, consisting of an unexpected increase of child furniture and playthings. Take into consideration establishing your infant nursery well before your youngster’s arrival so your pet dog has time to adapt to the changing atmosphere.

A risk-free area for your dog. Consider carving out a brand-new, comfortable place for your dog in the infant nursery or in your bed room. Before Mike and I left for the medical facility, I set up the baby cradle and also put all of our baby bed linens, swaddles, and also burp garments on the cradle’s reduced rack. When we obtained house from the healthcare facility and also place our little boy in his carrycot, Django quickly climbed up onto the bassinet shelf with all the bed linens as well as declared it as his new bed. Django slept below every evening until his brother relocated into his baby crib.

Your dog will be perplexed and also envious when you bring your baby house – she or he won’t comprehend why this little human baby is sleeping alongside you and also obtaining your focus around the clock. Make your pet really feel special as well as safe by giving him or her a new unique area to remainder and check out when he or she really feels anxious as well as overloaded.

Your dog’s brand-new regimen. Will a brand-new relative or pet pedestrian be getting your pup once the infant arrives? Your pet dog will certainly notice and be perplexed by any kind of abrupt changes to his/her routine. To assist shift your puppy to the brand-new schedule and decrease any type of possible tension or anxiety, consider implementing these adjustments 2-3 weeks prior to the child’s arrival.

How to Introduce Your Dog to Your New Baby Earn an infant covering or swaddle. Before you get back from the healthcare facility, have Dad, a family member, or a buddy bring home a made use of baby swaddle or other used clothes product. This is a remarkable means to very first present your baby’s scent to your dog. Enable your dog to odor and check out the utilized write-up of garments. My moms and dads were viewing Django and also brought him 2 made use of baby swaddles. Django wound up resting on these every evening until Mike and I came home with our new little young boy.

See your pet dog first without the baby. Infant or not, your canine is going to be very delighted when you get home after a couple of days in the health center! Consequently, it is a wonderful concept to see your pet dog before bringing the baby inside. Have someone wait outside with your newborn while you give your dog love as well as cuddles and allow him to get all his power out.

Preserve a range and utilize a leash. Allow your pet dog get used to the baby’s presence from afar before introducing them in closer distance. This might be much easier said than done, obviously. Even if your pet dog isn’t a jumper, use a leash as a safety measure. Before we brought Django’s brother home, he never ever jumped on or off furnishings. This changed as soon as he saw his brand-new sibling getting all of our focus. Django would obtain really thrilled and envious in the first 2-3 weeks and strongly jump up and try to lick or nip the child’s pajama-covered feet. To stop Django from mistakenly harming the baby or himself, we frequently utilized a leash inside.

Appreciation and attention. It is extremely normal for your canine to be jealous of the brand-new child. After all, your complete interest is unexpectedly being routed at this brand-new little unfamiliar person! Attempt to give your pup as much love, appreciation as well as interest as possible, specifically in the very first few days after getting house from the health center. If the child is snoozing in the cradle, snuggle on the flooring with your dog for a cuddle or play bring with his/her playthings. If your pet dog is sleeping comfortably on the flooring by the child crib, applaud him or her for being so well acted. Little, straightforward reminders that your dog is still really enjoyed will help fend off or a minimum of minimize envy and various other unwanted actions.

Pet toys and also deals with. 2 weeks after our baby’s arrival, Mike’s mommy sent us a care plan. Along with charming child garments and comparable child rewards, she consisted of a few playthings for Django consisting of a little pink stuffed bird. To today, the little pink bird is Django’s preferred toy.

There is a likelihood your canine will certainly at first be jealous of the new child. Nevertheless, your child is getting your wholehearted focus 24/7! For this reason, take into consideration ruining your pup a little once the child comes. Get him or her a new pet plaything as well as resilient reward like a bully stick. In addition to making your canine really feel special and also liked, the plaything or treat will maintain your puppy distracted for a while (making your life more soothing because of this!).

Always take preventative measures. Particularly in the starting weeks, never leave your canine and newborn together not being watched. Even if your dog is calm and also well behaved, he or she still may act in a manner that places the infant in jeopardy (i.e. leaping, playing nipping, excessive licking, and even humping). Our little child is now over 6 months old. Although Django has actually become an exceptionally loving and also safety big bro, there are still times when he overcomes excited or perhaps envious. Therefore, Mike and also I are always supervising Django, seeing just how both brother or sisters communicate, and also making certain everyone remains safe.

One last idea …

Your pet might be flawlessly calm and unbothered when you earn your newborn. Most likely than not, nonetheless, your canine will require time to get used to his or her new life as older brother or sister. Feel in one’s bones that time definitely assists. It may take a few days or weeks for your canine to adapt to the new setting, however be as patient as possible and get aid if need be. If necessary, ask a family member or close friend to watch your puppy a couple of days a week when you first get house from the health center to make your life with your brand-new infant much more relaxing. If your pet dog is specifically hostile or nervous, take into consideration employing the help of an expert canine trainer.

Things WILL get back to regular, or at the very least get to a brand-new typical:-RRB- Django and also his Lil Bro are currently cute with each other. They get thrilled when they see each various other, snooze together, and also are even beginning to play with each other. Our very first few weeks with Django’s brand-new infant sibling were crazy, stressful, and also overwhelming, and now we would not desire life differently.

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[barryswamsleyaz]

Just how to Prepare Your Dog for a Baby

October 01, 2019

3 Comments A few months back, Mike and also I(Steph)invited an infant kid right into our family members, as well as our longhaired dachshund Django-an extremely loved and also really ruined just youngster up till this point -obtained a brand-new little brother.

Django is an extremely chill, accommodating, as well as well-trained canine, and also he loves everyone he stumbles upon. Django has likewise met a few babies as well as kids in his life, and he’s imitated an ideal little gent throughout each interaction. Obviously, I was not at all concerned about introducing our newborn child to Django.

When Mike and also I came home from the healthcare facility, the only thing I wanted to do was get in my bed and also cuddle Django. I was absolutely exhausted and craved a snooze in my own bed with Django by my side. Unfortunately, our arrival in your home had not been as peaceful as I anticipated. What occurred when we strolled in the door with our new little young boy? To place it simply, Django went nuts. He after that proceeded to go nuts for 3 more weeks.

Django was incredibly thrilled, interested, and envious for the very first 2-3 weeks after meeting his brother. Whenever Mike as well as I were holding the baby, Django would aggressively lift as well as attempt to lick or nip the baby’s pajama-covered feet. Django would likewise howl with enjoyment and jealousy if among us went into one more room with his child sibling. Our usually tranquil little dachshund would boldy paw at the door as well as bark and cry till we allowed him in. When we did open the door, Django would certainly instantly throw himself up at the infant or attempt to get on the furniture to get closer. To avoid Django from injuring himself and accidentally injuring the baby, Mike as well as I maintained the boys separated for a solid two weeks. The entire experience was exhausting, frustrating, and distressing.

Exactly how to Prepare Your Dog for a Baby

Mike as well as I did not properly prepare Django for his brother’s arrival. We now recognize we should have done a whole lot more to help Django’s transition from just child to big brother. Right here are numerous things you can do to assist prepare your pet dog for your baby’s arrival.

Obedience training. A well-trained pup makes life as a pet dog moms and dad a great deal easier – particularly when you include a child to the mix! Currently is a blast to brush up on simple commands like “sit”, “remain”, as well as “down” or “off”. Even now, Django will certainly sometimes obtain excited and jumpy when I pick up or put his little brother on the rug. I’ve entered the habit of telling Django to “sit” and also “remain” well prior to I move his bro. Django is trained as well as * generally * patiently waits till I’m done moving his brother.

The infant equipment as well as nursery. Pet dogs sense all modifications in their home, consisting of an unexpected increase of child furniture and playthings. Take into consideration establishing your infant nursery well before your youngster’s arrival so your pet dog has time to adapt to the changing atmosphere.

A risk-free area for your dog.Consider carving out a brand-new, comfortable place for your dog in the infant nursery or in your bed room. Before Mike and I left for the medical facility, I set up the baby cradle and also put all of our baby bed linens, swaddles, and also burp garments on the cradle’s reduced rack. When we obtained house from the healthcare facility and also place our little boy in his carrycot, Django quickly climbed up onto the bassinet shelf with all the bed linens as well as declared it as his new bed. Django slept below every evening until his brother relocated into his baby crib.

Your dog will be perplexed and also envious when you bring your baby house – she or he won’t comprehend why this little human baby is sleeping alongside you and also obtaining your focus around the clock. Make your pet really feel special as well as safe by giving him or her a new unique area to remainder and check out when he or she really feels anxious as well as overloaded.

Your dog’s brand-new regimen. Will a brand-new relative or pet pedestrian be getting your pup once the infant arrives? Your pet dog will certainly notice and be perplexed by any kind of abrupt changes to his/her routine. To assist shift your puppy to the brand-new schedule and decrease any type of possible tension or anxiety, consider implementing these adjustments 2-3 weeks prior to the child’s arrival.

How to Introduce Your Dog to Your New Baby Earn an infant covering or swaddle. Before you get back from the healthcare facility, have Dad, a family member, or a buddy bring home a made use of baby swaddle or other used clothes product. This is a remarkable means to very first present your baby’s scent to your dog. Enable your dog to odor and check out the utilized write-up of garments. My moms and dads were viewing Django and also brought him 2 made use of baby swaddles. Django wound up resting on these every evening until Mike and I came home with our new little young boy.

See your pet dog first without the baby. Infant or not, your canine is going to be very delighted when you get home after a couple of days in the health center! Consequently, it is a wonderful concept to see your pet dog before bringing the baby inside. Have someone wait outside with your newborn while you give your dog love as well as cuddles and allow him to get all his power out.

Preserve a range and utilize a leash. Allow your pet dog get used to the baby’s presence from afar before introducing them in closer distance. This might be much easier said than done, obviously. Even if your pet dog isn’t a jumper, use a leash as a safety measure. Before we brought Django’s brother home, he never ever jumped on or off furnishings. This changed as soon as he saw his brand-new sibling getting all of our focus. Django would obtain really thrilled and envious in the first 2-3 weeks and strongly jump up and try to lick or nip the child’s pajama-covered feet. To stop Django from mistakenly harming the baby or himself, we frequently utilized a leash inside.

Appreciation and attention. It is extremely normal for your canine to be jealous of the brand-new child. After all, your complete interest is unexpectedly being routed at this brand-new little unfamiliar person! Attempt to give your pup as much love, appreciation as well as interest as possible, specifically in the very first few days after getting house from the health center. If the child is snoozing in the cradle, snuggle on the flooring with your dog for a cuddle or play bring with his/her playthings. If your pet dog is sleeping comfortably on the flooring by the child crib, applaud him or her for being so well acted. Little, straightforward reminders that your dog is still really enjoyed will help fend off or a minimum of minimize envy and various other unwanted actions.

Pet toys and also deals with. 2 weeks after our baby’s arrival, Mike’s mommy sent us a care plan. Along with charming child garments and comparable child rewards, she consisted of a few playthings for Django consisting of a little pink stuffed bird. To today, the little pink bird is Django’s preferred toy.

There is a likelihood your canine will certainly at first be jealous of the new child. Nevertheless, your child is getting your wholehearted focus 24/7! For this reason, take into consideration ruining your pup a little once the child comes. Get him or her a new pet plaything as well as resilient reward like a bully stick. In addition to making your canine really feel special and also liked, the plaything or treat will maintain your puppy distracted for a while (making your life more soothing because of this!).

Always take preventative measures. Particularly in the starting weeks, never leave your canine and newborn together not being watched. Even if your dog is calm and also well behaved, he or she still may act in a manner that places the infant in jeopardy (i.e. leaping, playing nipping, excessive licking, and even humping). Our little child is now over 6 months old. Although Django has actually become an exceptionally loving and also safety big bro, there are still times when he overcomes excited or perhaps envious. Therefore, Mike and also I are always supervising Django, seeing just how both brother or sisters communicate, and also making certain everyone remains safe.

One last idea …

Your pet might be flawlessly calm and unbothered when you earn your newborn. Most likely than not, nonetheless, your canine will require time to get used to his or her new life as older brother or sister. Feel in one’s bones that time definitely assists. It may take a few days or weeks for your canine to adapt to the new setting, however be as patient as possible and get aid if need be. If necessary, ask a family member or close friend to watch your puppy a couple of days a week when you first get house from the health center to make your life with your brand-new infant much more relaxing. If your pet dog is specifically hostile or nervous, take into consideration employing the help of an expert canine trainer.

Things WILL get back to regular, or at the very least get to a brand-new typical:-RRB- Django and also his Lil Bro are currently cute with each other. They get thrilled when they see each various other, snooze together, and also are even beginning to play with each other. Our very first few weeks with Django’s brand-new infant sibling were crazy, stressful, and also overwhelming, and now we would not desire life differently.

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[junker-town]

50 miles by foot: The training diary of long-distance runner

Behind every big goal is a series of smaller steps. How one runner plans to exceed his limitations and reach his potential.

I run a lot. When I’m not running I’m usually planning my next run, or thinking about ways to maximize recovery. My strength and stretching routines are tailored around running, and so is my nutrition and sleep pattern. I’m fortunate that my boss affords me a considerable amount of flexibility to get my workouts in, which I don’t take for granted. When he suggested I publish a training diary I was ecstatic — what better thing to write about than that which you love the most?

I was also a little apprehensive because running has always been a solitary pursuit for me. I don’t post my runs on Strava, I rarely run with other people, and my idea of a perfect running day is four hours of splendid isolation deep in the woods. I’ve kept a training diary for years, but it was never intended to be read by anyone else. Offering up my passion for public consumption is like inviting you all to peek inside my brain.

Still, I couldn’t let this opportunity pass. My aim with this diary is to share a bit of the knowledge I’ve accumulated over the years, and provide some inspiration whether you care about running or not. This exercise will also hold me accountable as I pursue a number of ambitious goals. My plan is to run my first 50-miler this fall, along with a pair of 50Ks in April and June.

Obviously, I want to be at my best on race days, but my real training goal for 2020 is to reach my physical peak and come to terms with my mid-40s body. I don’t know what that will look like in the mirror or how it will manifest itself in terms of race performance, but I’m not after vanity or validation. I’m not even sure what reaching my physical peak even means at age 45, but I figure I’ll find out when I get there provided I train with a purposeful focus.

After I stopped running competitively in high school, one of my greatest regrets was wasting my prime running years. From the time I got out of college to my late 30s I rarely had any kind of goals or aspirations regarding fitness, other than the thought that I should get myself back into shape from time to time.

I had a number of breakthroughs when I resumed training in 2013, but I was never able to run a sub 3-hour marathon or qualify for Boston. Maybe I could have broken 18 minutes in a 5K like I did in high school or run a half marathon in the 80s. I believe I had that potential and I’m absolutely certain that I squandered it.

I made tenuous peace with that regret when I started trail running in the fall of 2017. If road running is all about pacing and splits, trail running requires patience, technical skill, and consistent effort rather than raw speed. An 11-minute mile over rocky terrain is completely different than a 6-minute mile on flat asphalt. (Not better, mind you, just different.)

With three 50Ks, a mountain marathon and a couple of halfs in my ultra signup profile, I now have a baseline for trail running performance. I’m competitive in my races, but I’m learning to let go of time and place. My true competition is only with myself and I know of no harsher critic. I want to be able to look in the mirror at the end of this racing season and honestly say that I gave my best effort. That’s the goal.

That’s easier said than done because one of the most essential lessons of training into your 40s is accepting your body as it is, not what it was. I’m a little bit slower than I used to be, things hurt just a little bit more than they used to, and for longer. Accepting yourself and letting go of your ego in that manner is liberating. It’s also terrifying.

After I returned from the NBA Finals last June, I was confronted with a few harsh realities. I put on more weight than usual during the playoffs and it wasn’t as easy to lose as it had been in the past. The more I pushed to get back into shape, the more I put my body at risk.

Aches and pains are a way of life for runners, but the stress was threatening to overload my system. I experienced knee soreness, lower back stiffness, and a weird ache in my left shoulder that I haven’t been able to resolve. All of that was extremely frustrating, but it forced me to reevaluate my approach to training.

For starters, I needed to give myself a break. I tried to take rest days without guilt and emphasized quality runs over quantity by cutting out anything that could be considered a junk run. In addition, I made a renewed effort to dial in my nutrition and get proper sleep. In September, I experienced a breakthrough 50K performance that gave me confidence in this kinder, gentler approach.

Once that race was over I thought hard about the future. Over the years I’ve followed big highs with debilitating lows. Whenever I resumed training it felt like I was starting over from scratch. What I needed was a longer term focus. That process began with an honest accounting of my body.

Like most runners I have weak hips, glutes, quads, and back muscles. In the fall I turned my attention to strengthening my core with body-weight exercises and long bouts of power hiking. My mileage dropped, but my overall health and fitness improved. When the calendar turned to January, I was ready to return to structured training.

The word “structure” is a bit loose because I’m not following a set plan, per se. Rather, I’m taking bits and pieces from past training experiences to form an outline that rolls short-term goals into mid-range benchmarks in pursuit of a larger ideal. I’m going to roll with the punches, retain flexibility, and above all, make a concerted effort to listen to my body.

My primary sources are the Hal Higdon training manuals that were essential to me as a beginning runner and Krissy Moehl’s Running Your First Ultra. Backstopping that is Build Your Running Body, a comprehensive manual that cuts through a lot of noise and strives for clarity over gimmicks.

At the outset, my training pattern will consist of two hard weeks with a recovery week in between. By March I’d like to build up to three weeks before getting to a recovery week. All things in due time.

My goal for January was to re-establish a consistent rhythm of five running days a week anchored by a long run on Sunday. Some people prefer to run six days, but I’ve found that an extra day to focus on strength training and flexibility has been invaluable.

On that note, there is no one training method because — duh — everyone is different. Look around the Internet and you will find everything from the proper balance of speed work to endurance training to the effectiveness of stretching. We haven’t even begun to discuss hydration or nutrition yet and let me tell you, there are opinions!

For the record on stretching, I employ a short dynamic flexibility routine to get my body flowing before runs. I don’t consider my workout complete until I get in a 15-minute cooldown stretch utilizing elements of foam rolling, vinyasa yoga and active isolated stretching techniques.

Many people would disagree with this approach and that’s their prerogative. I know my body, or think I do. Everyone is encouraged to take that journey for themselves. I don’t presume to offer advice or guidance. This is a quest for knowledge and experience.

Ok, the numbers for January. (I’ll do this every month.)

Distance: 160 Miles over 20 runs

Some will see that number and think it’s a lot. There are endurance runners who consider 160 miles a good week. It’s all relative. That’s a solid number for me as I build my base level of fitness. It averages out to a little more than five miles a day, which I consider an initial benchmark for serious training.

In January I topped out with a 45-mile week. In February, I’d like to break into the 50s consistently, which I’ve only done during a peak training week here or there. That said, I try not to get too wrapped up in raw mileage because the body knows stress not miles.

For years, runners followed the 10 percent rule; as in limit your mileage increase to roughly 10 percent of the previous week’s total. That’s been widely debunked, but I still find 10 percent to be an effective range for mileage buildup. I’ll use it as a guideline and make adjustments as needed.

Vertical gain and loss: 21,600 feet

Again this is relative. Serious mountain runners knock that out in a couple of climbs. I live at sea level with nary a mountain in sight. My serious climbing opportunities may be fewer, but they are extremely technical with roots and rocks and all kinds of trippables that will mess you up if you take a wrong step.

Because the trails around here are so gnarly, it’s a matter of wanting to get that vertical. I’ve made an effort to take on the toughest routes during my runs. My amount of weekly vert topped out at 6,200 feet. Like the mileage, I’ll continue building from that base in February while increasing the intensity of my dedicated hill workouts.

Also, the downhills are just as important as the uphills in trail running, especially for the races I’m doing. Getting comfortable with moving efficiently on steep technical terrain is one of my biggest priorities.

Pace: ???

My first race in April is on an unmarked course with a considerable amount of technical climbing. That’s more about survival than speed. My later races have even more vertical gain, but are way more runnable. I’ll mix in some speed work here and there this winter, but I’ll focus on pace this spring and summer.

I’m more concerned with maintaining a consistent effort over long periods of time, so I measure my long runs by duration rather than distance. My longest long run was 16 miles over 3 hours and 45 minutes with 2,700 feet of climbing. I’ll aim to build up to five hours and 4,000 feet by March.

Consistency: 20 runs out of 23 scheduled workouts.

I skipped a pair of easy runs for what I’ll call life maintenance (parenting, job, illness) and took an extra rest day during a recovery week. The weather mostly held up, but I ran through snow, ice, and extreme cold. One of my mantras is bad-weather training is excellent training. Builds character.

Strength Training: Consistent effort, not too much

I love strength training, sometimes it doesn’t love me back. My issue is balance. Too much strength training can overload my system and lead to breakdowns, especially as miles begin to build during heavy running weeks. Finding balance is an ongoing theme for me this year and I think I found an appropriate level in January. I’ll get into the weeds on strength training later.

Overall I feel positive about resuming my training. I had no major injuries and only minimal issues with motivation, usually from a lack of proper sleep. I’m going to continue prioritizing sleep as the training gets harder along with adequate nutrition. If you’re going to run a lot, it’s important to eat enough calories.

There’s plenty of time for all of that. Right now I’m going to slip into some compression tights and plan tomorrow’s run.

[arplis]

Arplis - News: “Hang on to your hat, toots.” — my life, the last few weeks

(Starting with this update.) We’ve officially transitioned mini to school and she loves it. We were pleasantly surprised at how smoothly it all went. The only hiccup so far has been figuring out pick up in the afternoon. For the first few days, I dropped her off and picked her up alone because she had such odd hours (i.e., one hour from 10:05-11:05 one day, then two hours from 9:30 to 11:30 the next day, etc.) and it would have been impossible for Mr. Magpie to handle either end given his work schedule. I would usually just post up in a nearby coffee shop and get some work done, but it was a pretty disruptive week, especially coordinating breastfeeding around it. Then we transitioned to more of the expected routine: Mr. Magpie drops her off in the mornings on his way to work. I had intended to have our nanny pick her up in the afternoons so I could stay home with micro for breastfeeding purposes, and so after I felt we had the morning routine down pat, I decided to bring our nanny with me to pick mini up so I could show her the ropes and pass the baton. When mini saw our nanny first (before seeing me), she dissolved into tears. I had given her a heads up that our nanny would be there, too, but I think she was upset that I wasn’t the first face she saw (the best part of my day has been seeing her beaming face when I arrive at the door — “there’s my mama!” she shrieks). The school had warned us about this, noting that kids can be very thrown off by disruptions to routine, and encouraging us to stay consistent with who drops off and who picks up. Now I know why. Mini was apoplectic and close to impossible to maneuver home (i.e., refusing stroller, refusing to walk, laying down on the subway floor — oh.my.GOD). After that incident, I chatted with her teacher and we decided that I should continue to handle pick-ups for the next few weeks before introducing our nanny into the mix — just too much change for that little one. Besides, I hadn’t anticipated it, but our little pocket of thirty minutes on our way home is nearly always the highlight of my day. I love hearing about her day, smothering her with kisses, holding her little willing hand as we walk towards the subway stop. And so this whole transition to school has been relatively smooth all things considered but still quite a change for everyone. Routines in the morning are planned down to a millisecond and I’m busy getting that little one fed, toileted, dressed, brushed, and out the door by 8 a.m. Gone are the leisurely mornings nursing micro in bed! And then — oh! The apartment is deafeningly silent in mini’s absence. She is a whirling dervish at home, flitting from activity to activity in constant chatter and singsong. I have found myself straining to hear her on multiple occasions, my heart in my throat. Changes all — most of them welcome, some of them…skeptically accepted. Meanwhile, the apartment hunt continued. We saw at least fifteen units all up and down the West side of Manhattan, a few spots on the UES, and one in DUMBO. It was exhausting, in large part owing to the underhandedness of the broker situation. There are so many misrepresentations in listings — “3 bedrooms!” is often “2 bedrooms but you can split the second to make a third with a partition” or “2 bedrooms plus a closet with a questionable window that could be a nursery” or “2 bedrooms plus a dangerous loft where no child should ever sleep.” And then there are things like “washer and dryer in unit!” — only you arrive and find you will be responsible for purchasing the washer/dryer, though there is a hook-up available. And “available immediately!” only you arrive with your baby in a carrier and your toddler wrangling out of your grip and find yourself in a construction zone, sawdust coating our lungs and electric saws buzzing inches from our faces (i.e., decidedly not available immediately). There’s this shadiness, and then there’s the fact that the NY rental market moves at the speed of light — aka a frenetic pace ill-suited towards families with small children and lots of moving parts. New places are listed daily and are often gone within a day or two, and you are meant to move in within a week — and if you aren’t planning to move in immediately, you’ll probably be passed up as an applicant for the unit because brokers don’t want to sit on a vacant unit. They’ll just wait another day or two for someone willing to move in sooner. I mean, can you imagine?! It’s too much pressure! How can you expect a family to find a place and move within a week?! At any rate, after seeing fifteen places, we put in an application on a unit with about a month left on our current lease and were passed up because the landlord’s broker pulled a weird stunt on us, using our application offer (rent is almost always negotiable in NY) to go back to another applicant that had been interested in the apartment to get them to counter with an earlier lease start date and a slightly higher rent offer. The brokers hadn’t made this information known to us, of course (we would have happily matched the offer), and had instead more or less counseled us to submit the offer we did (“I’ll encourage the landlord to accept it,” stated the broker — grrr) to push the other couple to sign immediately. And so we suddenly found ourselves back at square one, with no apartment lined up and the clock ticking. When we heard the news, it took every ounce of my personal resolve to avoid bursting into tears. I had loved the unit, but more than that — I had loved the idea of being done with the search and able to move forward with next steps. The night we found out, I woke up at 3 a.m. shivering uncontrollably — my teeth were actually chattering! — and aching all over. A few hours later, I woke up and had sweated through my clothes. It went on like this — sweats, chills, achiness, splitting headache — for several days. I eventually went to see the doctor who confirmed I had picked up some kind of virus but I’m convinced that my shock and stress level at discovering we had no apartment with less than four weeks to go had triggered it, or left me in such a state of weakness that any old virus could have shut me down. I somehow managed to muscle through last week, sick as a dog, visiting a new battery of listings all over the place. We also had a bizarrely busy social schedule (we’re normally homebodies), with two receptions and a cocktail hour we hosted — and then there was mini’s meltdown owing to the nanny’s pick up at school right smack dab in the middle. During that epic tantrum, I’d had to carry mini by her arms up the subway stairs while I also had micro strapped to me in the carrier. She had turned into a jellyfish and would.not.climb.the.stairs and also would.not.let.the.nanny.come.near.her. I had no choice, after attempting to reason with her and cajole her for about five minutes while no-nonsense, in-a-rush New Yorkers trampled us at the foot of the steps, but to pick her up by her arms and carry her up the steps in front of me, like a noodle. That debacle led me to pull a muscle in my abdomen which in turn made breathing hurt for a couple of days — though at the time, I wasn’t sure if the pain in my side was related to the virus or something more serious, and so the doctor ran a gamut of tests, had me x-rayed, etc. (It all turned out clear — just a strained muscle from trying to carry forty-five pounds of children up the stairs in the most awkward maneuver known to womankind. Go figure.) Somewhere along the way, micro picked up whatever virus I had and suddenly my world was literally collapsing on itself. There were a few nights where I was up with poor micro every hour of the night. It got so bad that I had to ask Mr. Magpie to split shifts with me, but even then it was impossible to sneak in a stretch of sleep because we are all about two feet from one another. The baby was running a fever and battling an upset stomach and so we were covered in baby vomit, shivering/sweating together, and mind-numbingly exhausted. And did I mention that while I believe I hold or can reach a sense of perspective in most parenting-related matters, when it comes to ill children, I lose my bearings?! I worry myself sick, wondering if I’m overlooking a symptom and what I believe to be a run-of-the-mill cold is actually something more nefarious. I clutch them in my arms and cry over them. It is physically painful for me to see my babies unwell. Then, on Friday, I woke with the worst migraine I have ever had in my life. I could not see straight. I could barely walk. Turning my head to the left or right was shockingly painful. I was so sensitive to light that I had to stay in my bedroom with the blinds drawn. I could not rally myself to put on clothes and pick up mini from school — I had to call Mr. Magpie and ask him to leave work early to get her. On top of it all, micro was scheduled to be Baptized two days later and I had my parents coming into town, with fabulous dinner plans to boot. I was defeated. That was the lowpoint. The lowpoint of this year (fingers crossed), and in fact the last two years — since the last botched and stressful move, come to think of it. But as quickly as everything had spiraled out of control, it all came back into focus. We found another — better! — apartment, this one a ��classic prewar six” in Manhattan terms. (A classic prewar six refers to an apartment configuration with six rooms — three bedrooms (one smaller, typically referred to as a “maid’s room,” perfect for a nursery), living room, kitchen, formal dining room — in a building constructed before WWII, and therefore likely to be rife with traditional charm. You won’t find open concept floor plans with a classic 6, which Mr. Magpie and I rather like. These buildings also tend to be very well-constructed — i.e., “they just don’t make them like that anymore.”) When we went uptown to sign the lease, the broker walked us through the unit and something inside me relaxed. I could instantly see the wonderful life we would have there, with much more space, a dedicated nursery for micro, a larger kitchen, and a bedroom for mini that is large enough to accommodate all of her toys, her activity table, her dollhouse, and all the other bulky items that currently reside in our living area. I’m sure her toys will still find their way into our living room, but no longer will it be their primary home, praise God. A friend of mine recently said that “a cluttered house is a cluttered mind,” and I think this, too, is why this stretch of the last few weeks has been so overwhelming. We are busting out of this apartment as micro grows and has new needs and more clothing and bigger diapers and all that jazz. Micro and I both overcame our ailments (for the most part) around the same time and managed to enjoy his Baptism feeling more like ourselves. (I wore the dress mentioned here.) We had a beautiful morning with friends and family, enjoying brunch after his Christening smooshed in like sardines around a small table at Cafe Luxembourg, whose boisterous environment matched the general ebullience of the moment. I looked around the table at one point and thought how lucky I am, and how insignificant all my travails of the previous week were in the grand scheme. I mean, let me be real: everything is horrible when you feel sick, and everything is doubly horrible when you feel sick and are caring for an ill infant while going on four months of sleeplessness. And moving is stressful, full-stop. But there we were, closer to the other side, with the happiest occasion in front of me. A happy and newly healthy baby, welcomed into the Church, the presence of my loved ones, the promise of a new, more spacious beginning on the Upper West Side. And on we go… What’s happening with you? Post Scripts. +What are your most memorable golden moments/golden hours? Brunch after micro’s Baptism is up there. +OK, mini would die and go to heaven with this. +A perfect Christmas dress for a little lady. +Expect some more home decor related posts soon, as we need to purchase a number of pieces of furniture. I am already eyeing a couple of rugs, and Horchow has such a great selection (on sale) — love this for mini’s room, or maybe this. Although I’ve been chastened — probably not good to have a light colored rug in a toddler’s room. May need to explore darker/more patterned styles. +I love this oversized houndstooth scarf. +So excited we’re closing in on sweater weather. +Likely my next headband acquisition. +I like this slim hamper for micro’s nursery… +I’m a copycat. +I ordered one of these tags for mini’s stroller, which we store at the school during the day since Mr. Magpie drops her off and I pick her up. It’s perfect! I was impressed with the quality and speed of design/shipping. Going to order some more for her bags. A cute add-on to a gift for a little one, too. +I love these for keeping my phone free of fingerprints. +A good dupe for those Paris Texas snakeskin boots that are all over the place. +A fun tee. +A great dish to display fruit/citrus on your counter. The post Lately… appeared first on The Fashion Magpie. #Parenting #NewYork #Musings #NewYorkLife #Parenthood

Arplis - News source https://arplis.com/blogs/news/hang-on-to-your-hat-toots-my-life-the-last-few-weeks

[amorremanet]

takashi shirogane + coping a n d seb + sleep habits

the “character + thing” headcanon meme (aka, “the best of all possible memes, c’mon, you know you wanna”)

Shiro + coping

Shiro voice: “coping? I don’t know her”

Okay, but in all seriousness

It isn’t that Shiro has NO coping skills or coping mechanisms that work for him, and it isn’t that he has no idea how to cope with anything — quite the opposite, really.

But a huge problem for him is that a lot of his coping techniques are, at best, non-ideal and at worst, basically a slow-burn form of self-harm that’s hard to notice because he isn’t obviously crashing and burning, or obviously having some kind of problem, and because he isn’t obviously in trouble, Shiro feels like his techniques must be totally okay

Even if he might acknowledge that they aren’t okay, though? Good luck getting him to actually do anything about that; he’s pretty sure that there are bigger problems

Like, one thing with Shiro is that, for all he values patience and for all he praises forethought, he also gets very easily frustrated if he can’t do something. If that something can’t directly affect whatever the Big Problem of the moment is, then Shiro needs to at least feel like he is Doing Something Productive — which, for him, usually means something like working out.

Maybe it could mean sparring or training with someone, but Shiro is one of those ambiverts who both enjoys being around people and can get destabilized very quickly if he’s left alone for too long, but who also needs a lot of time to himself to just breathe and decompress.

It was like that before he was taken prisoner by the Galra, e.g., a stressful as Hell exam season leading to a big night out and all kinds of hijinks with the other cadets in his class because oh man, everybody needed to just get away from studying, and Shiro would’ve been worried about how his grades would look when they came back so he needed to feel competent and one thing that makes him feel competent is making sure that other people are having a good time — and to a different extent, just being around others while they’re having a good time because who had to learn the hard way about how much his empathy can turn into a Bad Thing for him and how to set boundaries on it? Shiro did

—but then after said night out, he’d retire to his dorm (which probably involved moping, half-asleep, while binge-listening to Fiona Apple, needing to be reminded that it’s generally pretty unhelpful to sleep through lunch and never do anything about it later), and maybe he’d be seen around the gym (with a huge set of headphones on because sure, they’re cumbersome but sometimes, other people don’t always notice earbuds and Shiro wants to please be left alone), and he’d probably only willingly deal with Keith or maybe Matt

Shiro’s time with the Galra has made this tendency worse, but it’s also shoved him into a situation where it’s hard to tell, since he’s the Decisive Head Of Voltron™ now, so he needs all that time alone, but feels like he can’t allow himself to have it or else

(“Or else” what? ……Well, okay, you got him there; Shiro has no idea, “or else what.” But it’d be something Bad, okay, and he is completely certain of this because he just is.)

—but despite the fact that working out can help him clear his head so he can try to deal with things and isn’t inherently bad, Shiro also doesn’t entirely understand this, “moderation” thing you speak of — at least, not when it’s being applied to him.

Sure, he gets it in theory…… but in practice, he has an approach that’s more like, “Okay, it hasn’t cleared my head yet, so clearly, it can’t be that I need to find some other way to deal with whatever is on my mind and troubling me right now; I just have to push harder until it does work.” Sometimes, he makes it work out okay.

Other times, it doesn’t, and Shiro either ends up getting interrupted by something (emergency drill, “a wild Sendak appeared!”, “oh no, the castle is trying to kill everyone!”, Coran begging him to come intervene so Lance and Pidge can’t try to turn something into a screen on which to play their Mercury Gameflux II, literally anything)

……or he ends up with a seriously peeved little brother who is very likely going to yell at him because Keith is worried and he’s scared and unfortunately for everyone, he tends to get angry when he’s scared and then promptly loses control of the volume of his voice (because he’s usually not aware of how loud he’s being until someone points it out)

All of this…… will probably not get any better when Shiro gets back from wherever the Hell he’s hiding. Like, on one hand, it might get so bad that it actually becomes a more visible problem and leads to him getting some kind of help and learning better coping skills (and things like, “Yes, you’re the Decisive Head Of Voltron and all, but you have a right to ask for help with your problems, too”)

……But it could also get a lot worse and Shiro could just get better at repressing everything and acting like everything is fine (relative to the situations they’re in, anyway), and focusing on everybody else’s issues while completely ignoring his own. Only time will tell.

Seb + sleep habits

Seb voice: “sleep habits? Who’s that?”

……yeah, but seriously, though

Let’s not mince words about it: Seb’s sleep habits are unhealthy as shit, and if he maybe talked about them more and/or just took them more seriously (i.e., didn’t brush them off as, like, “I just couldn’t sleep last night, it’s not a big deal, it happens to everybody” [which isn’t untrue, Seb, but the thing is, it doesn’t happen quite so consistently with most people unless there is something Not Good going on for them] or look for tons of excuses about why he couldn’t sleep), then it’s quite possible that he would’ve gotten a depression diagnosis a lot sooner than he actually does in-story

Unfortunately, on one hand, we have one of Seb’s biggest and most common problems in all things ever (namely that he does not think he has any so-called, “real problems,” because that’s silly, why would he have, “real problems”; “real problems” are for literally everyone else in the world because, “they deserve to have ‘real problems’”)

—so, in his mind, of course it’s not a big deal when he can’t sleep but feels useless while he’s lying in bed with his pit-mix Lola, waiting to fall asleep (which makes him feel worse and can all too easily lead him down a self-loathing rabbit hole), so he gives up on that, goes back downstairs, and bakes things while watching whatever’s on TV or in the Blu-Ray/DVD player until he’s finally tired enough to crash on the couch for a couple hours

(which doesn’t really make him feel better and is often an ill-advised waste of his energy reserves, but on the other hand, doing something makes him feel less useless, and lets him temporarily escape the self-loathing rabbit hole — if for no other reason than, “well, he has to focus on his baking, which means he can’t focus on finding reasons to hate himself and/or rehashing old ones” — and he enjoys cooking, especially baking, and especially baking that he knows other people enjoy because he likes making other people happy)

Like, if it were literally anyone else doing anything like that, he’d go, “Oh man, that sounds really bad, are you okay, have you talked to a doctor or someone about it, is something stressing you out, can I help”

or, in an illustration of this double-standard that actually happens in character: the night before the story opens, Seb did exactly what I just said, while Pete intended to go home and get a decent amount of sleep…… but while he was doing a last check on the costumes he’s supervising for the production of A Midsummer’s Night’s Dream that he’s involved in at work right now, he found several rips and missing buttons that no one mentioned to him

He figured it wouldn’t take him that long to fix everything, but he estimated very badly, and by the time he’d finished the task and gotten everything cleaned up again, it was late enough that he decided to crash on the couch in his boss’s office (because, considering the travel time, Pete could get more sleep by doing that than by going home), clean up in the bathroom and throw on one of the spare shirts that he keeps in his locker, then run out to grab breakfast, come back, and act like he totally had not slept in Mitch’s office last night

That worked out pretty well…… until Pete decided to take a follow-up nap during a stretch where he officially had a bit of spare time (“officially” meaning, “it wasn’t on any particular schedule, so technically, he was allowed, but lmao there is no such thing as spare time in the theatre, there just isn’t”)…… which got him told to go home and rest because Mitch would rather not do without his self-described, “Swiss Army thespian,” but if it’s a choice between sending Pete home for the afternoon and risking the chance that something’s amiss with Pete’s health and possibly losing him for at least a month while he goes to rehab again? ……Yeah, Mitch would take the former.

Either way, Pete still got more sleep than his Princess, and they swap stories about their respective low-sleep nights when they meet up at the gallery owned and run by their sponsor (Nick), where Stephen works as curatorial assistant

………and Seb is Concerned about Pete for losing track of time and nearly pulling an accidental all-nighter, but he doesn’t? really?? feel like??? there’s any reason???? for Pete????? to be concerned about him, Seb, having such bad insomnia that he wound up watching a marathon of Catching All-Stars reruns (despite how Seb doesn’t like that show and finds it uncomfortably voyeuristic) while baking a bunch of treats that he doesn’t personally enjoy, but he knows that his parents, Margot, Nick, and Nick’s husband Isaac all like them

(Catching All-Stars is sort of like what would happen if you took the a team of superheroes that’s like the unholy, commercialism-driven mashup of JLA, the Avengers, and Lance “Captain Amazing” Hunt from Mystery Men… and gave them a reality show that is so much like Keeping Up With The Kardashians that some people consider them to be rival shows.)

Because Seb totally understands that these kinds of things are, in general, Not Good. But see, if it’s him in any given situation like this, then his understanding of how Not Good things like this are goes right out the window because…… nope, it’s not a “real problem” if it’s happening to him, that makes no sense because of reasons

—and on the other hand, Seb is just…… depressingly ignorant about a lot of the realities of depression and what “depression” even means (in more than a very vague, “it is a mental illness and a ‘real problem,’ one of the worst ‘real problems’ that I can imagine personally, and you wouldn’t wish it on anybody unless you are a complete douchebag” sense)

If any of his friends or loved ones had ever been told that they were dealing with depression, you can bet that he would have read up on it a lot more and true, he still would’ve encountered some issues here (because of how so much information about all mental health issues is unreliable for one reason or another, and conflicting opinions in the sources [some of which are not reliable sources, but others of which are reliable and just have differences of opinion and approach because mental illness is complicated and difficult], and so on) — but at least Seb would not be quite so astoundingly ignorant about the illness that he’s been living with

Like, when Pete came back from rehab (which… well. He wanted to do an outpatient thing for his addictions — alcohol, Adderall, and cocaine — but his Mama disagreed and he needed her help paying for treatment, and Leilani went, “I feel like inpatient rehab would be better for you, and if you agree to go there, then I will make sure that you never need to worry about the cost of anything related to your treatment”)

—as I was saying.

When Pete came back from his trip to rehab, he’d done a lot of work on his problems with substance abuse, but he had also come to realize that he’d been dealing with anorexia nervosa for long enough that it was hard for him to remember when things had ever been different, which he hadn’t noticed for a lot of reasons

(chief among them: the unfortunately widespread belief that men don’t deal with eating disorders ever, especially not anorexia, because they are Lady Disorders For Women and anorexia nervosa is The Single Most Lady Disorder For Women Of Them All;

the fact that Pete’s presentation had never been as glaringly obvious as a stereotype-riddled Lifetime Original movie or Very Special Episode/Arc about EDs [which, unfortunately, does a lot of damage to people who don’t fit those images or don’t feel like they’re truly “sick enough” to have an ED because they’re “not as bad” as some character in some fictional representation of EDs];

and the fact that his disorder had developed so slowly that he — and everyone else in his life — looked at his symptoms and went, “that’s just some quirky Pete thing that he does that totally falls under the heading of average, non-disordered human variation, right?”)

Seb got to be the first person who heard about this, which would’ve happened even if he hadn’t picked Pete up at the airport because he’s the brother who Pete wishes he could have as a legal part of his family because Pete’s relationship with his biological brother is…… A Mess. And more than that, Pete’s Princess is the person with whom he has the easiest time being vulnerable, and doing things like, “being his most honest self, even when he feels like shit, or he feels ashamed of himself, or he wishes that he could be somebody else instead,” and “admitting when he’s terrified and wants to get well and be okay but he doesn’t know if he’s strong enough to do that” and, “just letting himself cry when he needs to”

But the more important thing is that, at the time Pete told him this and needed to cry and get reassurance from his best friend, Seb was similarly very ignorant about eating disorders.

He knew they existed, he knew they were bad, he knew the vague sketchy details about anorexia and bulimia (his biggest tidbit of knowledge was that he knew enough to differentiate between anorexia nervosa, anorexia mirabilis [i.e., “it’s complicated but there’s a whole wealth of mystical and spiritual writing about how some divine being or other told someone, like St. Catherine of Siena for example, not to eat because piety”], and, “anorexia as absence of appetite, which happens as a symptom of something other than anorexia nervosa”), and he kinda vaguely knew that guys could have eating disorders but largely only by virtue of personal experience

—by which I mean that one of his exes (Rémy) was an actor-slash-model and some of his guy friends or guy coworkers had dealt with EDs in some capacity, and, “well, Julian was never officially diagnosed with an eating disorder or anything, and in fairness here, he had a lot of habits that were all over the map and would’ve made diagnosing him properly really hard, but he had some people concerned about whether or not he had an ED at different points, and then he complained about it to Seb because haha that’s so ridiculous isn’t it but also god how could they think that about him, please agree with him now or at least pay attention to him”

—But when Pete got diagnosed with one in rehab, that was all the reason Seb needed to look into all the things, learn everything he could get his hands on, etc.. because his best friend needed him

But as it stands, none of the people he loves have ever gotten a depression diagnosis, so he remains quite ignorant about the illness he’s living with here

—That sorta got way off from the point, but…… really, depression is a big reason why Seb’s sleep habits are such a mess, and a huge part of the reason why he hasn’t treated them seriously or seen them as an “actual problem” (maybe a minor annoyance at best, but not a “real problem,” so much as, “a thing that happens to everyone and that Seb has to just deal with on his own because no one else would let something like this mess them up so badly” — he says, while he legit feels like what he’s saying is totally accurate, despite knowing that it isn’t even remotely true)…… has been the depression that is a major contributing factor to them in the first place

……Yay? (Not really. Not even a little bit.)

Another contributing factor is one of the potential long-term side-effects of kicking alcohol and opiates — like, it may not happen to absolutely everyone in a similar position to Seb, but both alcohol and opiates act as central nervous system depressants, and one of the more common effects of CNS depressants…… is making you sleepy (which is why, for example, I didn’t take most of the opioid painkiller that I got after dislocating my kneecap while doing the Time Warp in college, because I could handle the pain but could not handle sleeping through my classes).

(……that may be one of the most painfully nerdy things that I’ve ever said, but it remains true)

If you get used to having a shit-ton of CNS depressants in your system, then you can very easily end up with trouble sleeping, and unfortunately, it can continue for even years after you get sober (it doesn’t always, but it can). In Seb’s case, no one prepared him for that or told him that it could very well end up lasting even after he’d detoxed, and it was harder to notice when he was actually still in rehab because all of the therapy involved there took a lot out of him and let him sleep easier than he might’ve done otherwise

…and then, out of all his trips off the wagon in his first thirteen months of trying to stay sober, three of them were directly caused by Seb being torn between desperately wanting to stay sober, but also desperately wanting to fucking sleep (and preferably without any of the nightmares that can also be a long-term side-effect of abusing alcohol and/or opiates, and are exacerbated for Seb by the PTSD that he “totally doesn’t have, because people with real problems have PTSD, so stop devaluing their struggles by saying that Seb has it”)

(do you ever think about your own characters and just look at the camera like you’re on The Office? because I do. constantly. often with this particular human disaster right here.)

Um.

I feel like I had somewhere else I was going to go with this, but it’s wandered so far off of any semblance of an outline and I want to have lunch

So…… uh.

Something moderately less depressing to wrap-up with, I guess: bed-sharing with Seb can potentially be awkward for a lot of people because he is so unreasonably freaking tall, but if you ever want to sleep next to someone because it makes things easier for you to sleep, or you need cuddles, or whatever, Sebastian is a good, sweet cuddler and a very respectful bed-sharer who will probably also make you breakfast

You may need to deal with Lola deciding that she totally fits in the bed too, or being kind of huffy at you because excuse you, but no, see, she is supposed to sleep in the bed with her Person, not you (like, she’s only less of a huffy little shit to Margot and Pete about it because she likes them and she can usually manage to fit into the bed with them there)

He also has a somewhat easier time of sleeping if he’s sharing with someone, but it’s not entirely a magical, “press this button to fix insomnia for the entire evening” thing

Also, breakfast

He will make it for you

……I should really go have lunch now, jeez

[hannelore-schmatz]

Ascent of Mt. Everest 8.848 m - Highest mountain on earth

When my wife Hannelore and I returned from a successful Manaslu (8th highest at 8,163 meters / 26,781 feet) expedition to Kathmandu in May 1973, I applied to the Nepali Foreign Office for permission to climb Mount Everest. At that time I did not seriously expect to get the requested permission. There were too many influential prospects. Besides, we were among the few who wanted to carry out such an expedition privately at our own expense, without the support of an Alpine organization or a government agency in our home country.

For the next three years, my wife and I have climbed one of the high mountains of our planet each year, as it has been for a long time, in order to expand our experience in the high-mountain range.

Shortly after we had returned from a successful Lhotse (4th highest at 8,516 meters/27,940 feet) expedition, also self-organized, in June 1977, we were surprised to have received a climbing permit to climb Mount Everest for the post-monsoon period 1979.

Immediately we started with the extensive preparatory work. Now it was Hannelore's turn again. She was a genius when it came to procuring and transporting expeditions. At that time, everything that we and the Sherpas needed during the expedition of about 3 months had to be purchased in Europe and transported to Nepal, because it was not possible to get suitable food or equipment in Kathmandu.

To get all that, Hannelore wrote hundreds of letters and then mapped everything with a sponsored truck. In the course of a month, she and some of her companions, packed the material weighing several tons in loads of 30 kg / 66 lbs each, which could be taken over directly by the carriers. A gigantic work.

Apart from Hannelore and myself, six other highly experienced and successful mountaineers also belonged to the team:

The New Zealander Nick Banks

The Swiss Hans von Känel

The Germans Tilman Fischbach, Günter Kämpfe and Hermann Warth

Last but not least the American Ray Genet whom Hannelore and I met in 1978 with the climb of Mt. McKinley. He lived and lived in Talkeetna at the foot of Mt. McKinley, often referred to as the coldest mountain in the world, and escorted and accompanied expeditions there. 35 times he was on the summit of this cold mountain.

While post-monsoon expeditions of the past few years did not start before the month of September, we planned, as well as the British Everest expedition of 1975, to break up during the rainy season to reach the base camp in the first half of August. We wanted to avoid the cold in October, but above all the frequent hurricanes (jetstream).

After our arrival in Nepal we were informed by the Ministry that we should leave Kathmandu at the earliest on the 10th of August and should not build the base camp before the 1st September. After tough negotiations, we were at least allowed to start on the 31st of July with the approximately 250-kilometer/155 mile march, which normally takes 20 days, so that we had a full month for this. This circumstance, which was very useful to our acclimatization, could not compensate for the loss of time.

After the construction of the base camp, we went to the exploration of the Khumbu icefall, then to make it workable with ladders and fixed ropes. The snow and ice conditions were miserable. Nevertheless, on 4 September we were able to build our first high-altitude camp at an altitude of approx. 5,900 m above the icefall. The subsequent "Valley of Silence" (Western Cwm) made us difficult, although relatively flat. We had huge glacier crevasses and many vertical

Before we could build our camp II at about 6,300 m / 20669 ft.

The following Lhotse wall was deeply snowy and had changed so much in 1977 that we had to look for a completely different route in the lower part. On about 7,200 m, the tents of the camp III were erected in the wall in the guards of a vertical icebreak.

On our way we climbed the so-called "Gelbband" at a height of approx. 7,500 m, a characteristic, light rocky rock that runs through the Everest-Lhotse-Massif. Subsequently, the Geneva spur had to be traversed to reach the southern col (7.986 m), the lowest point of the ridge from the Lhotse to the Everest, on which we erected our last plateau on September 24th.

Even before the start of the expedition, Hannelore had repeatedly described the southern col as its destination. After showing that she was in excellent physical shape, as did all other participants, she also wanted to try to reach the summit

When we had made all preparations for the final phase after the camp had been built at the southern col, we were forced to descend to the base camp by a snowstorm lasting several days. There we decided, to be faster, to go nowhere in three, but only in two groups.

In addition to Hermann and Hans, the first group included two Sherpas and I, as an expedition leader. We wanted to take over the work and did not burden Hannelore with it. The second group consisted of the remaining five participants and three Sherpas.

On September 28th, the weather improved again and we got back up again. After a three-day climb, the first group reached the camp at the South Col.

On October 1st, after an acceptable night, we begin to get ready for the summit at about 0300. These preparations, but above all the cooking of tea, last much longer in this oxygen-poor air than in the lower camps. At 0600 we are finally ready to leave. Hermann, the Sherpa Lhakpa and Hans go on a rope, the other I go, followed by Sherpa Pertemba. The weather is medium. Among us is a cloud layer and high above us also one. But it is relatively warm and the feared storm on the ridge does not bother us today. The snow and ice conditions are not good. We had never expected so much and so soft snow in this region exposed to the wind. In part, we sink to the knees, which in this height makes the ascent extremely difficult. At 1200 we reach the southern summit of Mt. Everest (8.760 m). From there we see the further rise. Firstly a messy ice ridge and then the so-called Hillary-Step, whose difficulties the first ascent had almost prevented.

At the Hillary-Step we also have difficulties. As a result of the steepness and the poor snow texture, the kicks break out again and again. The snow is too soft, to steer quite a few reliable steps and too deep to find ice for the crampons. How fatal this can be measured, if you know that this place is probably one of the most dizzying in the world. The narrow ridge breaks to the east about 4,000 m and to the west more than 2,500 m. But then, in the deep snow, we find some handles in the rock that help us as an anchor of rescue and we know that our goal can not be too far away.

At 1400 we arrived at the summit and we exchanged hugs and celebrated our success. The pennants are taken from the backpack and the usual photos are taken. Although it is now beginning to snow, time passes as in flight.

After about an hour, we leave and go to the descent. Again, the Hillary-Step is the most delicate place. At the southern summit, we rushed again briefly. The further descent is on schedule and around 1900 we reach the southern coast after dark.

In the afternoon, the second group has already arrived, which wants to set off for the summit the next morning. We congratulate ourselves on our success and look forward to meeting you. When Hannelore congratulated me, Pertemba and I describe the bad snow and ice conditions. We ask her to give up her decision to go to the summit as well.

Hannelore is a bit annoyed and says we should not take her the elan. Günter, who listens to our debate, points to the good conditional condition of Hannelore and says that today she had advanced from camp III to the southern col in a very good time without any difficulty. After our conversation, we crawl into our tents to find the deserved sleep.

At 0200, the summit candidates began their preparations. At about 0500 they left the camp. As the first team, Tilman and Sherpa Ang Phurba, second Nick, Günter and Ray, and third Hannelore with the two Sherpas Ang Jangbu and Sundare.

We, who were on the summit the day before, however, as quickly as possible, descend from the death zone into Camp II, which is almost 2,000 meters lower. Worried, we are always looking at the sky, as the weather deteriorates. We do not believe our comrades will continue the ascent and reckon with their repentance. In the evening our speculations turn out to be wrong.

When around 6 pm the first team of the summit group at the southern col is, comes the funkspruch, that beside all the other Hannelore was on the summit. We rejoice and rejoice.

We go to the fair and celebrate the success. In doing so, we note that our Everest expedition

Which was the smallest number that reached the summit

The fastest (32 days)

And the first in which all participants were at the summit, including Hannelore as the first German and world-wide fourth woman

With me the first man, older than 50 years

And for the first time with Hannelore and me a couple reached the summit

Our joy is dampened, however, when our comrades announce about Sherman Ang Jangbu on reaching the southern col, about 2130, Walkie-talkie, Ray, Hannelore and Sherpa Sundare would bivouac at the southeast ridge. We immediately instruct the Sherpa's at the top of Camp III to ascend to the South Col as soon as possible in order to provide assistance if necessary. Nevertheless, our worries are limited, as Ray is among the bivouacs. At McKinley, he was an absolute expert in survival and building snow caves.

Now the description of the participants and Sherpas belonging to the second group:

The rise was just as we had planned, if one ignores the fact that Ray has been released from the rope after a relatively short time and left alone in the end. Obviously the gehrhythm of his comrades did not like him. The weather conditions were above better than we had assumed below. Günter was still talking to Hannelore shortly before her team reached the summit. He had the impression that she was by no means exhausted, but in good physical condition. As the weather worsened, they all stayed briefly at the summit.

Also the descent over the southern summit was normal. Ray, who had risen alone, had joined on the way back to Hannelore's rope. Later, when oxygen spilled at an altitude of about 8,500 m, he refused to go further. He wanted to bivouac. Hannelore and the Sherpa Sundare stayed with Ray, while the Sherpa Ang Jangbu descended into the Southcol. Ray tried to dig a snow cave, which was not enough for the soft snow.

At nightfall, a heavy high-altitude storm set in, which lasted all night. The next morning Ray died. Hannelore and Sundare had to be severely depressed without the descent. At an altitude of about 8,300 m, Hannelore was then dead and died with the words "water, water".

At that time, the Sherpa Ang Nawang and Tilman Fischbach, coming from Camp III, were already on the way up above the Southern Col to help. When they met Sherpa Sundare, he made the inconceivable message for us all. Since he too was near to exhaustion, and evidently suffered frostbite, the two ascendants immediately took his place and brought him into the camp.

All this I had to experience in Camp II under the SW wall of Mt. Everest, without the slightest chance to do anything. I was so stunned that I had only realized schematically the scope and tragedy of what happened.

Surely one experiences continually from tragic accidents, which break a close human connection abruptly. But even to be affected by such an anti-human place and in such an extreme situation is another, hardly imaginable dimension. Hannelore and I were very close to each other for 20 years, not only in their daily lives, but also in dangerous situations in the mountains of the world on almost every continent.

In spite of my bewilderment, I was forced to continue what Hannelore had done with so much commitment so far. She knew in the camps in the tohuwabohu of the crates and bags at any time where that was what was wanted. Although I was the expedition manager, I had no idea of the important details in the individual case. I was compelled, in my unspeakable grief, to complete her work.

Nevertheless, the team came home. I, however, quite alone without my beloved Hannelore. A long, successful but infinitely tragic way had come to an end.

For statisticians: The 8 expeditionists and the 5 Sherpas, all on the summit, have the numbers 90 - 102 in the list of climbers, which in the past has become longer and longer. So we have made the first 100 full.