#my sister was tho

[really-fucked-up-stimboards]

falling down a flight of stairs stimboard ?

[sunlit-mess]

Ba’t ‘di mo masagot lahat ng tinatanong?

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[samipekoe]

SPLATOON !!!!!!!

[basil--and--sage]

Reshirement AU, in which Thorin and Bilbo decide to get married and celebrate their stag nights following their respective cultural traditions.

Thorin sits with his family and friends in Bag End and gets his hair braided and himself pampered, while they talk about his hopes and dreams for his upcoming marriage. He blushes frequently.

In the meantime, Bilbo gets cheered on by about 60 of his relatives, while he does a keg stand.

[boobearymuch]

❀ You're Overstimulated ❀

Zayne would instantly recognize you're overstimulated and leap into action without thinking twice about it. He'd notice you've gone uncharacteristically quiet for the past few minutes, nodding or giving clipped responses. Or maybe you're snappier than usual, but he doesn't take it to heart, he never does.

He'd suddenly excuse you both from whatever social situation you're in without warning, and you'd give him a surprised look. Or if he can't control the circumstances, he'd suddenly suggest you guys move to a different room if he knows the lights are too bright/noise levels are too loud. You'd pout out of embarrassment for a bit, "Was it that obvious?"

But he only chuckles and leans in to whisper, "To me, yes." And you frown again, but then he thumbs your chin softly, "...I can't help it. My eyes are always on you."

Bonus: If your clothes are irritating you, he'll wait until you're in the car to say, "Take it off."

"...What?"

His cool eyes slide over to you as he shifts the ignition, "Your clothes. They're bothering you, are they not?" The authority in his voice is unmistakable, and it raises the hair on your arms, "So, take them off."

[uolivegb]

and they both like men

[chalkrub]

some scrimbles for @bowelfly as part of a trade <:^) the wickedly talented brother gregor and trungo

[shrimplythesilliest]

Percieve the beast

[tuttle-did-it]

You know, it's genuinely sad to me that aging favourite character actors no longer have any fun murder-mystery tv shows to guest-star as murders on.

[okartichoke]

Turnabout Sisters played poorly on stakes in tears of the kingdom

[temeyes]

brotherly embrace

[blitzbittz]

six character prompt from twt except it's seven b/c im greedy

[southpauz]

GOOD NEWS EVERYONE!

I got box braids for the first time ❤️

My sisters bought it for me as a 30th birthday gift!!

[kabukiaku]

malewife + girlboss dynamic.

[1800-lemon-boy]

Friendly reminder that Jason spent months looking for Leo and only stopped when Chiron forced him to enroll in school.

<33