#my singing isn't that good- i've never had any training but i can carry a tune and im OBNOXIOUS about it

[lets-try-some-writing]

Hi! Longtime lurker here, I adore your writing and all the oneshots you publish. Do you have any cute headcanons about Optimus and Elita’s relationship (for instance, how they met, deciding to become Conjuxed, and other miscellaneous stuff)?

That I do! I love them very much your honor, so let me specify based on continuity. For now, lets stick to G1. I've had longer to think about them.

G1

Orion and Ariel met in a barfight. Orion decked someone for making nasty comments about Ariel and she in turn decked Orion thinking he was the one being gross.

They made up afterwards with a drink and proceeded to dance the night away, promptly exchanging communication lines.

Once Orion figured out where Ariel worked and after they had been talking for a while, he marched across Iacon in order to sign on at her depot.

Dion thought he was nuts but came along because he enjoyed the drama.

Orion made it a point to be a gentlemech even while working at the docks. He would carry anything heavier than a cat for Ariel's and would go out of his way to get her energon for her so she didn't have to stand in line for rations.

They began courting after Orion got into yet another fist fight in Ariel's defense. He got his face busted in, and while Ariel helped him get patched up, Orion blurted out that he couldn't just let other mechs touch her.

Ariel took that personally and proceeded to become just as devoted as Orion. This earned the duo many gags and amusing reactions from their fellows who referred to them as the "lovebirds".

Ariel and Orion never actually managed to be Conjunxed as dock workers. That came later when they met under the light of Luna 1 before the Exodus late into the war. Optimus brought Elita-One the last crystal rose he could find and asked her to be his Conjunx right there.

She agreed and they spent a mere three cycles together before having to go their separate ways. But Elita wore a simple pendant with contained a petal of that single rose. Optimus for his part carried the piece of Elita's antennae that had been torn off in combat.

During the war, when they were able, Optimus and Elita would call each other by their old names and dance under the stars, singing wild songs from the docks while playing music that didn't match the mood in the slightest.

When the war ended, Elita wept for Optimus during his many moments of death. But after each miraculous return, they would always reaffirm their oaths to each other. Usually with a few soft touches.

Post war, Elita and Optimus are the most sappy couple to have ever become a thing. They are constantly calling each other nicknames like "honey", "Sweetspark", "pooch" (that one is elita's and only for when she's feeling mischievous), "My forever", and Optimus's favorite, "My rose." (For obvious reasons).

They openly wear very obvious marks of their conjunxing now that they aren't being attacked left, right, and center. Elita keeps her pendant but also loves to have a little engraving of Optimus's pet name for her on her neck guard. Slightly scandalous, but she enjoys it, especially because Optimus has "pooch" written on his inner thigh where only she and the very observant can see.

They are also very good at being quiet about their activities as a couple. But when they feel like shooing mecha away, they love to get sappy and gross everyone out of the room.

They are also notoriously dramatic when the situation isn't serious. Put them in a war room and neither will so much as smile. But give them a minor issue, and they can and will make fun of those who are enduring some slight embarrassment.

Whenever Optimus takes on a new apprentice (adopts a child-), Elita has been known to mother them relentlessly in her own way. Some get beat around in training, others get homemade goodies. Others still may end up getting actually adopted.

Rodimus still has no idea that technically he's Optimus and Elita's on paper. Only Kup and Ultra Magnus know. Both think its hilarious and have no intention of telling poor Rodimus anytime soon.

[opreaadriann]

Found your game today, and tried it out and really enjoyed it. I already brought up the trans name situation on the forums, which you so kindly already replied to and figured I'd ask the last few things here both to get your account here some traction, but to also avoid clogging up the forum post.

The player is able to get a tattoo, which is fucking amazing but I was wondering if it would be possible to get more than one? Unless individual tattoos and their meaning is brought up at any point in conversation, which it would then make sense to limit it to just one. But if the specifics of the tattoo isn't brought up, could you make so that the player could've multiple tattoos?

On the topic of tattoos, an option to have piercings would be a really cool option as well. Even if they aren't outright mentioned at all in the story, they would still be a cool addition if for no other reason than a head-canon of what your MC looks like. Again, having multiple piercings would be cool. Piercings would definitely add some extra spice for the players like me, who are going for the rebel without a cause / rockstar musician persona.

Height. Absolutely height. I want to be a tall trans girl rebel/musician who can tower over the shorter RO's, specifically the girls, even if I do feel like I won't romance anyone of them. At least not from what I've seen of them so far, and their personalities and past and present behavior.

And last but not least. Cigarettes. When you meet the clown that was our first friend, you can pull out a pack of cigarettes and hand him one, because you think he might find it cool. This option to me at least, seemed very out of left field since there was absolutely no indication the MC was a smoker. I don't personally mind the MC smoking, again it would fit her persona, but it might be jarring to some players. Maybe make it an option early on if the MC smokes, and if they do they'll have the option to pick this scene? Like that it's established the MC smokes, and as a result can be used later on in the story for other scenes as well, rather than just potentially being a one-off situation, and it could potentially become a cool story element to build on the MC and their potentially very different personalities from each different player. Because as it currently is, making it a one-off scene would make it even more weird than it already feels without any prior choice of smoking or not, because why would the MC smoking never be mentioned again if they picked this choice, because clearly they smoke otherwise they wouldn't carry a pack of cigarettes with them I would imagine.

This last bit isn't really a topic, suggestions, or request, but rather a question. If you join the band with your adept skill being music, the MC has some internal monologue about how you might be able to take over the lead singer role if you got trained in singing. Will this ever be an option? Because I would love to absolutely take over the band, as the main 'front girl' with my bass and singing, haha.

Hey, first of all, thanks for the name change suggestion. It really would have been stupid to keep the same name after the transition haha. I’ve already added the code for it, I’ll just wait to do a bigger update to add it to the demo.

Originally I was thinking of making the tattoos important in some way or another but It’s been 5 years and I can’t remember for the life of me what that purpose was. So yeah, I’ll add the option to add more tattoos and I’ll probably only talk about one of them or mention their overall presence.

And sure, piercings, why the hell not?

Oh yeah, height would be good for the character customization. I just naturally assumed the MC was relatively tall, but forgot I should actually give the choice haha

The smoking bit I thought worked well with the rebel/edgy persona, since, for example, the edgy type will have a lot of stuff never mentioned before ready for special occasions. In the cafeteria scene, the edgelord had food prepared from home and they don’t stay in line to get anything. But yeah, I guess I could explain better that our MC prepared stuff from home for occasions like these.

And, yes, you can become the lead vocalist for the renowned Fighting Rooster! Without spoiling anything, there will be a plot in the band where you’ll need to figure out who should be the vocalist. And that option can also be you.

[sweetdreamsjeff]

Jeff Buckley: They Don't Even Know Me Yet

Martin Aston, MOJO, January 2003

In 1992 Jeff Buckley gave his first ever press interview. A decade later, MOJO unearths this incredible, little-seen document.

AUTUMN IN NEW YORK, 1992. A tiny East Village cafe, the Sin-e. It's packed, but there's a seat near the very front, under the singer's nose. His, eyes are clenched shut. He's nervous, edgy, but it's a truly memorable show; jittery, comical, thrilling, mesmeric. When he's singing the voice is pure, stretching high-low, curling around a song. He closes on a song that could very well be a lullaby, and your eyes close with his.

Three days later, in another tiny cafe, via a mutual friend who knows Tim Buckley is your all-time favourite singer, and who told you, 'You gotta hear his son', you meet Jeff. He's dressed down — plaid shirt, jeans — which draws you to the face; short, thatched hair, looming eyes, rich lips, a wary expression. It's his first ever interview, and he's nervous, defensive. The first thing he says, almost before handshakes, is whether you're here purely because of Tim. No, but then again, yes. He accepts that there's little point writing about Jeff simply because you love Tim, any more than you can avoid Tim because of Jeff. In the end, only Dutch magazine OOR takes a chance on an interview with a total unknown: based, of course, on the familial connection to Tim. The interview is never published in the UK. By the time everyone catches up with Jeff the interview is out of date. But now, given his death and enshrined appeal, it's timeless.

When did music first make an impact on you?

As a child. There was my mother's breasts and then there was music. It felt like another person in the house that floated with me everywhere. All my life, I've sung along to the radio, stuff like [Spiral Staircase's] 'I Love You More Today Than Yesterday'. My mum would drive me to school, playing mellow Californian radio, stuff like Chicago, Crosby Stills and Nash, Blood Sweat and Tears, Sly and the Family Stone, James Brown, The Temptations, every day! She married a car mechanic, who couldn't carry a tune, but he had amazing taste and he turned me on to Booker T, Led Zeppelin and Joni Mitchell, Hoyt Axton and Willie Nelson. My mum pretty much sung to me — she's a classically-trained pianist and cellist. So it was mainly me and my mum, because my parents split before I was born. I hung around my grandmother too — she'd play me stuff like The Chambers Brothers.

It's rare to hear someone smitten with both traditional blues and modern blues. I'm thinking of your cover of 'Fare Thee Well'.

That's Dink's Song. It was originally written by a washerwoman. That's where the best music came from, from old European-American criminals bringing Africans to America. My favourites are Robert Johnson and Bukka White, The Staple Singers, Billie Holiday. I cover 'Strange Fruit', too. I figured I wouldn't be able to meet these people, so I learn from them by hearing them sing. Some of the coolest music is Johnny Cash, which isn't a black or white thing. I love Mariachi music, Ray Charles, Edith Piaf, the Sex Pistols, Muddy Waters…I just saw gifts dangling from them and wanted to take it. I guess I want to be an archetypal entertainer, an archetypal bard, a minstrel. I guess I have a romantic vision. Even though punk happened to me, and Robert Johnson, I want to be a realty good storyteller, and those songs have great stories.

What do you love about 'Twelfth Of Never'?

I cover the Nina Simone version. It's just the way she does it. I can't get into Elvis's version, it doesn't capture my imagination, though he had a beautiful voice. Every time I hear 'Can't Help Falling In Love', I cry. I can't separate Charles Manson from The Beatles or the Clambake movie from Elvis, though. But I love all music. I'm the Cocteau Twins' biggest fan, too. They allow their deepest eccentricities to be the music itself, and not just something they want to project. Liz Fraser is one of the only originals. They're just regular people, too. I got to meet her once, she was very shy, which puts a weird curve on music as well. Imagine that sound coming out of her mouth when she's in the kitchen scrambling eggs.

Was music your first true love?

Besides sex? One surrounds the other. I can remember being obsessed with my stepfather's stereo, getting into trouble for using it. He was really possessive of control over it, like a car. It was expensive equipment, so I was really careful. Then one day, I wanted to listen to a live bootleg of Jimi Hendrix, and he went mad. I had a tape player in my room, I shared it with another kid in the family. You had to stick a hanger in it for it to work.

How do you feel when you open your mouth and sing?

Like it's real. I feel like crying. I feel like I am crying! It's the middle point between laughing and immense joy and crying. I feel the best when I'm singing.

When did you start?

In front of an audience at a family get-together. My stepfather got drunk and fell asleep in front of everyone, and my grandmother got really embarrassed, so to direct attention away from him, I sung every Elton John song I knew. I was a huge fan then. They gave me some silver dollars for doing it. I was 13 (laughs). My friend and I started play electric guitars, you know, 'Stairway To Heaven', for a talent show at junior high school. We lost…We were living in southern California then. I later had a band in northern California, in Willetts, called Axxis. It wasn't my idea. It's one of the 19 cities I've lived in, I attended four high schools. One I spent two weeks in. My mum was quite a gypsy.

What did you make of your own voice?

I hated it, but I got over it. I'm horribly self-critical. I think the first time I heard it, I thought no way could I ever keep anything from anyone, it was all there in the voice. Some ways that people sing, they put it across in language, and it's almost impossible, because they have a wall between them and the expression. I'm trying to get deeper in the hole, trying to learn things when I hear voices.

Did the concept of singing on a stage come easily to you?

It was totally natural, I just did it. It was like going to the beach, like, I'm going into the ocean! I never thought about it. I first sang at a dance in Northern California Methodist Church, to high school kids. When I was 13, I already knew what I wanted to do. My all-time favourite was Led Zeppelin, and I knew I wanted to belong to that. In the '70s, there was an overspill of rock life, which becomes coffee table material, with books on Kiss and rock stars on TV. I knew it was possible for some people to do it for a living. I spent hours listening to Magical Mystery Tour. I felt like an archaeologist, which is fine, because I liked dinosaurs! But that was the wrong direction.

I left home when I was 17, because I was tired of moving around. I played in lots of LA bands, just to make money. There was a reggae band for a while, The AKB Band, a rag-tag motley crew, with one rasta guy. I played guitar. We ended up backing up U-Roy, Shinehead and Judy Mowatt, and at the Bob Marley day at Long Beach. We did cheesy session work for demos, too.

What did the experience teach you?

The simplicity. I guess it didn't teach me much at the time. It's like your parents telling you what not to do. But Pablo, the rasta, everything he said about playing makes sense now. Forget the next band. I then decided not to spread myself that thin. I didn't like southern California, LA especially. Hollywood isn't a real town, but that's the reality of it. I'd wanted to see New York since I saw it on TV when I was 12, to experience the energy, so I took off in 1990. I got a couple of jobs, and went hungry for a long while, before I got an offer to record songs in LA, so I flew back, and recorded four songs. I went back-and-forth a bit, before I met Gary Lucas at a show in New York, at a tribute show to my father. I thought playing with Gary would be interesting but it turned out to be a disaster. We had two completely different paths…the cart was before the horse. But I learnt to go out and sing, in impossibly intimate settings, when guys are right up against you. You learn how to move a room. The biggest challenge is to put a song across live. The audience shouldn't see your face, or your body, they should just hear you.

Do you enjoy the New York scene?

I dig it. If I was in LA, I wouldn't be doing anything, but here, there's a real respect. There's a respect for anything original. Maybe I'm overpoweringly romanticising New York, but so many amazing things happen here on an ordinary level, like Lou Reed lives here, wow! I first heard him in '76 but he got into my soul, it just takes one time, like Helen Keller…it's just the sound of the song. I was in somebody else's car, feeling lonely. Heroin is so beautiful, like a big black kiss, the way it builds. He sounds like a punk who knows everything. He's got such erudition, but he's not too smart.

What stage are you at right now?

Always at the beginning. I'd love to make a record. Clive Davis at Arista wanted to sign me but he hadn't heard me, it was just on the basis of what his right hand man, the head of A&R, had said. I plan to start from what matters. In September, I'll perform all new material, a lot of covers, and I wanna find people to play with. Yeah, a band, just because of the certain feeling I need. An energy.

Can I raise the delicate matter of your dad, Tim?

Sometimes, with people who knew him, they've come for a nice night out, but they see me, they don't think about him. Those who do, I don't hang around them. We're different. The people who knew him, they have apparently a very magic memory, but it's been a claustrophobic thing all my life. I knew him for a total of nine days. He never wrote, never called.

Do people claim that you're just your father's son?

If anyone mentions that, I walk. If I go to a club, and some writer uses that area, then I rip the shit down and say, Fuck you, see you later, we can talk about this next time, because I'm on my own.

Do you listen to his records?

Yeah, mostly to learn about him as a person. He wrote a couple of songs about me and my mother, which is sometimes tough. His style has nothing to do with what I do. It's funny that we were born with the same parts, but when I sing, it's me. Technically, I can do what he did, but our expression is not the same, it's a completely different sphere. His was a different time, influenced by Dylan and the folkies. I don't even talk like him. But I can do a good impersonation of him, knitting up my eyebrows, which makes people laugh.

As far as music goes, so many people who I know and love, who give me so much, they don't even know me yet. I want to make something completely new. I was into Miles Davis in 1984, he said he could tell when people were paying tribute to him but it was just copying. The only way to pay tribute is to bring something new to the fold. I want to work so hard that everything of me bums away, like the chemical in the match. Which leaves what really is me, or what I think is me. It can be such a joy. Like the Beatles, they were geniuses, you know? Music's like a sign language between people, so when a guy from Iran or America hears The Beatles, they go 'Wow!' They don't think of killing each other. There's something about music that hits the cavemen in us, even more than a speech or painting. I just want to achieve my own vibe. I want to go someplace else. There's more ways of saying 'I love you', more ways of saying 'where the hell do I fit in?', more ways of saying 'why doesn't anyone love me?, 'when is somebody going to want to kiss me?' I'm sick of waiting, waiting to be understood. And it's nothing arty, nothing lofty, it's just fucking different, and I want to leave this world behind a little so that maybe I will see that it's bigger and I haven't left it at all.

[averlym]

hi you're rly pretty and ily -🤡

w h a t

thanks? ilyt?

[whysojiminimnida]

OH MY GOD CALM DOWN JEEZ

People still losing their shit over this

and with good reason I might add, I have spoken on it already *coughbetweenroundscough* but the naysayers are saying NAY very horsily, more like "neigh loud enough and it won't be true" which: points for the coping mechanism, denial is a powerful tool, use it as needed but REALLY? At some point it's gotta be sinking in.

"BUT HE WAS IN BUSAN"

No shit, Sherlock. Y'all act like he wasn't there for Jimin's Live and a train can't get to Busan in four hours. Trust and believe that it can. It's 2:15 on the high speed rail that is usually closed at that time of night unless you're BTS. But even if he went earlier...

... you can be assured that the jeonparkery was going, is going, will go and already done went DOWN.

It went down so hard that the hyung of all hyungs had to address it:

I love Korean and its lack of reasoned pronouns. He meant "everyone will think we're on bad terms but none of us are because we're all cool. So cool."

MEETINGS HAVE BEEN HELD. This has been a Topic Of Meetings. ARMY opinions, "anti-shipper" and TKK opinions are considered Valuable Factors for marketing because of their dollar signs, and it was addressed as recently as yesterday. Totally unrelated, traveling separately is a great way to deflect suspicion and enhance security, not that anyone would think otherwise. ANYWAY.

THEY READ US. BTS READS US. They do. I cannot tell you how many times I've been told "Yeah so Hobah says ARMY's on their bullshit again", like.... Y'ALL. I HEAR THIS WEEKLY. And in case the bajillion posts didn't clue you in, Hoseok hangs with Jimin almost daily. They are close in a way that, I hate to even say it, Taehyung and Jimin are not. Not anymore.

He did post though.

I mean he didn't say "bro" or anything so it isn't romantic but... don't get any crazy ideas, they're fine. They're just fine, fine, fine. Sing it with me, they're fiiiine... kinda. I'm actually addressing the maknae line in a series that may have to take a back seat to Busan this week. The lines at Magnate are OUT THE DOOR (photo stolen from twt user pjmdata who is there, unlike me but very like Kev and X)

And naturally some elements just have to go and step on normal human boundaries and insert themselves into every situation:

It's not as big a deal as it looks. Kev saw it and says it's actually one of those oversized poster-type digital ads in a station, people sneeze as they walk past it and don't even look because the rest of Busan is rightfully INSANE, lining up at the Jeon Park Tribute Wall and everything. I'm told it's an entire Jiminfest over there right now. That's gotta be chapping some asses.

So, listen. The Jeon-Parks are doing well. Happy, as much as any closeted gay couple in a massive media frenzy can be. It's not easy spending years of your twenties dodging the press and the cameras and the fans you love so you don't get outed. Jungkook in particular, never a lie-down-and-take-it kind of guy (ahem, as far as we know), is having a rough time with the Golden Closet. Films or no films. Maybe personal films, I'm not judging.

It's a beautiful sunny day in FloriDUH and I'm off to see my only daughter for the first time in a solid year so cut me a break, willya, I'll update as I have the inclination but yeah. I think we may have a coming out before I expected it. We'll see. I LOVE YOU GUYS, LOVE YOU LOVE YOU LOVE YOUUUUUU /rosebowl /fireworks

I'm out. Carry on.

[lokiondisneyplus]

Sophia Di Martino was launched into the pop cultural consciousness thanks to her role as Sylvie – AKA the Loki variant on Marvel Disney Plus series Loki, where she trades barbs and shares background stories with Tom Hiddleston's God of Mischief.

Episode Three of the series found Loki on a wild adventure with Sylvie, after he accidentally sent them both to the doomed moon Lamentis-1, on a collision course with a planet. Facing an apocalypse, the pair hatches a plan to find the escape vessel that some of the moon's wealthier residents are hoping will carry them to safety and, while on the train to the ship, they discuss everything from the nature of love to their respective magical abilities.

When the opportunity arose to talk to her, we naturally jumped at it, so here is part of Chris Hewitt's conversation with Di Martino, who was frank and funny while chatting about getting the job, Loki's sexuality and more.

The last two weeks in particular must have been a heck of a whirlwind for you. What's it been like being at the centre of the storm?

It's been a strange one. Because I feel like I've been waiting in the wings for quite a while. And I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this until today. So, it's been a really strange few weeks, just watching the show start and listening to people's reactions, but not being able to talk about it. I don't feel like I've been in the centre of the storm at all. I feel like I've been watching it play out.

Have you been able to say anything to anybody, family friends... Postmen?

Absolutely no-one! My mum has no idea where I've been for the past two years. It's been really difficult. But to be honest, I'm actually really good at keeping secrets. So, I've perhaps been too good and haven't told anyone, anything. My agent, no one knows anything! I’m taking it really seriously, maybe a bit too seriously!

You and director Kate Herron have worked together in the past. Is that how it began for you?

Kate and I worked together on a short film of hers a few years ago now. And we stayed in touch, we're mates, we'll go out for coffee and do a bit of improv. We exist in the same circles in London. I'm trying to remember how exactly it happened. I was shooting another film in the UK, and I think I got a message from Kate saying, “I'm on this show, I'm not allowed to talk about what it is... There's a role, we'd like to see what you do with it. I can't tell you any more. Just wanted to give you the heads up...” A really vague WhatsApp message. So, then I got a request for a tape through my agent. But obviously, my agency also couldn't know anything about what was happening and what it was or anything. I was given a really short scene, made a tape of this scene and just had to guess what it was about. I think it was actually what ended up being the scene from Episode Three, which is Loki and Sylvie on the train. I think it ended up being that scene, but it was very different when I did the audition tape for it.

Did it have the word Loki in the script at any point?

No, no, no names! I think it was Bob and Sarah or something completely different. I didn't have a clue what it was.

I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself.

At what point did the penny drop? At what point did you realise that you were auditioning to play a Loki on Loki, and then this incredibly complex character?

I can't remember what happened first. It might have been the news that Kate was directing the new Loki came out. And then I was like, “Oh, maybe that's what I read for...” Or if it was that I was just offered the job, and they told me what it was. But yeah, it was a surprise. And I had a chat with Tom on FaceTime because he was in New York. I never actually met anyone because I was nine months pregnant, I couldn't fly anywhere. So, I was in London, everyone else is in the US. So, it was just that tape, it was all based on that. And obviously, I've worked with Kate before, so she knows that I'm not some weirdo. And she must’ve convinced them to cast me!

Let’s talk a little bit about Sylvie as we now know her. What's clear is that you're not doing a Tom Hiddleston impression. This is not your take on a Tom Hiddleston Loki, this is a very, very different iteration of their character. So where did you start?

Well, probably exactly there, making that decision that I didn't want to go in and do an impression of Tom, because that would have been awful. I'm really bad at impressions for a start! Sylvie’s very different to Loki in a lot of ways. There's the chaos and there's the mischievous, which are very, very Loki traits. But for me, I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself. And I think that plus the playfulness really helped me get into the character. And, and so that was the way I started.

The stunt training and the fight training really helped me with her physicality, and we were all really keen on her being a really strong, sort of street fighter, almost. She's not as elegant as Loki. She's fit and rough around the edges, she's had a harder time, in a way, she's been on the run for the majority of her life, getting into scraps. And I like the idea that she really enjoys fighting. And she'd really get something out of it. Because she knows that she's probably going to win. Right? And that's where her cockiness comes through, maybe. And so that was part of it as well. And then as soon as you put the costume on, you're there.

What was that like? Because the costume says so much as well. There's the headpiece, which obviously has a missing horn, which says a lot about the scrapes that she's gotten into in the past. And also says that this isn't the Loki we might be expecting.

We were really keen on making the costume look like it's been through the wringer a bit. And she's sort of gathered bits of it from places that she's been throughout her journey. We didn't want it to be too clean and shiny. And it was also important to me that it was a really comfortable costume and that I could actually fight in it, and I could kick in it and just do things that I needed to kick not have to worry about breaking it or being uncomfortable. And then Christine Wada, the costume designer, was amazing at just making it super comfy. But I still felt like a badass when I put it on.

The train scene has that wonderful moment where you’re talking about your romantic pasts, and Loki confirms that he is bisexual, which has been received rapturously since the episode came out. Did you get a sense of how momentous it was when you were filming it?

I knew how important it was, yeah. And I'm just so pleased that it's been received so well. And people are super happy to have seem that scene. And like I said, the show is inspired by the comics, and the comics for a long time have alluded to Loki being bisexual or pansexual. And his sexuality is not straight. And even back to Norse mythology. So, it was important to Kate, and it was also important to me and Tom, that this was represented in a six-hour story about that character. Because representation is important.

It's such a beautifully written scene. Can you just talk about your memories of filming those exchanges? Because we've only just met Sylvie, and we haven’t seen Loki consider the idea of love or falling in love or being frail or vulnerable in that way before.

It’s a super important scene. And it was interesting to shoot it because it's the first time that you see Sylvie vulnerable. And it's just a really important moment for the two of them to understand each other in a different way, and not just be miffed by each other for the first time. And when we were filming it, it is quite a long scene. And it just felt really good to do a long, talky scene. It didn't feel long when we were doing it. But it was nice to get into those characters, and it sort of felt like doing a play, when you go a bit deeper and it’s great. It's just another way of understanding the character that you're playing. And listening to Tom singing was also an experience! Didn’t he do such a good job of learning all those words? I was just amazed that he could learn a song in a different language. And he did it so quickly! Like, one day he got the words and the next day he was fluent in Norwegian! That’s Hiddleston, isn’t it? He’s just so smart!

[twh-news]

Loki: Sophia Di Martino Talks About Songs, Sexuality, Scoring The Role Of Sylvie And More

Sophia Di Martino was launched into the pop cultural consciousness thanks to her role as Sylvie – AKA the Loki variant on Marvel Disney Plus series Loki, where she trades barbs and shares background stories with Tom Hiddleston's God of Mischief.

Episode Three of the series found Loki on a wild adventure with Sylvie, after he accidentally sent them both to the doomed moon Lamentis-1, on a collision course with a planet. Facing an apocalypse, the pair hatches a plan to find the escape vessel that some of the moon's wealthier residents are hoping will carry them to safety and, while on the train to the ship, they discuss everything from the nature of love to their respective magical abilities.

When the opportunity arose to talk to her, we naturally jumped at it, so here is part of Chris Hewitt's conversation with Di Martino, who was frank and funny while chatting about getting the job, Loki's sexuality and more.

The last two weeks in particular must have been a heck of a whirlwind for you. What's it been like being at the centre of the storm?

It's been a strange one. Because I feel like I've been waiting in the wings for quite a while. And I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this until today. So, it's been a really strange few weeks, just watching the show start and listening to people's reactions, but not being able to talk about it. I don't feel like I've been in the centre of the storm at all. I feel like I've been watching it play out.

Have you been able to say anything to anybody, family friends... Postmen?

Absolutely no-one! My mum has no idea where I've been for the past two years. It's been really difficult. But to be honest, I'm actually really good at keeping secrets. So, I've perhaps been too good and haven't told anyone, anything. My agent, no one knows anything! I’m taking it really seriously, maybe a bit too seriously!

You and director Kate Herron have worked together in the past. Is that how it began for you?

Kate and I worked together on a short film of hers a few years ago now. And we stayed in touch, we're mates, we'll go out for coffee and do a bit of improv. We exist in the same circles in London. I'm trying to remember how exactly it happened. I was shooting another film in the UK, and I think I got a message from Kate saying, “I'm on this show, I'm not allowed to talk about what it is... There's a role, we'd like to see what you do with it. I can't tell you anymore. Just wanted to give you the heads up...” A really vague WhatsApp message. So, then I got a request for a tape through my agent. But obviously, my agency also couldn't know anything about what was happening and what it was or anything. I was given a really short scene, made a tape of this scene and just had to guess what it was about. I think it was actually what ended up being the scene from Episode Three, which is Loki and Sylvie on the train. I think it ended up being that scene, but it was very different when I did the audition tape for it.

Did it have the word Loki in the script at any point?

No, no, no names! I think it was Bob and Sarah or something completely different. I didn't have a clue what it was.

"I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself."

At what point did the penny drop? At what point did you realise that you were auditioning to play a Loki on Loki, and then this incredibly complex character?

I can't remember what happened first. It might have been the news that Kate was directing the new Loki came out. And then I was like, “Oh, maybe that's what I read for...” Or if it was that I was just offered the job, and they told me what it was. But yeah, it was a surprise. And I had a chat with Tom on FaceTime because he was in New York. I never actually met anyone because I was nine months pregnant, I couldn't fly anywhere. So, I was in London, everyone else is in the US. So, it was just that tape, it was all based on that. And obviously, I've worked with Kate before, so she knows that I'm not some weirdo. And she must’ve convinced them to cast me!

Let’s talk a little bit about Sylvie as we now know her. What's clear to me is that you're not doing a Tom Hiddleston impression. This is not your take on a Tom Hiddleston Loki, this is a very, very different iteration of their character. So where did you start?

Well, probably exactly there, making that decision that I didn't want to go in and do an impression of Tom, because that would have been awful. I'm really bad at impressions for a start! Sylvie’s very different to Loki in a lot of ways. There's the chaos and there's the mischievous, which are very, very Loki traits. But for me, I was really interested in how angry she is and how sort of laser-focused she is on this mission that she's given herself. And I think that plus the playfulness really helped me get into the character. And, and so that was the way I started.

The stunt training and the fight training really helped me with her physicality, and we were all really keen on her being a really strong, sort of street fighter, almost. She's not as elegant as Loki. She's fit and rough around the edges, she's had a harder time, in a way, she's been on the run for the majority of her life, getting into scraps. And I like the idea that she really enjoys fighting. And she'd really get something out of it. Because she knows that she's probably going to win. Right? And that's where her cockiness comes through, maybe. And so that was part of it as well. And then as soon as you put the costume on, you're there.

What was that like? Because the costume says so much as well. There's the headpiece, which obviously has a missing horn, which says a lot about the scrapes, that she's gotten into in the past. And also says that this isn't the Loki we might be expecting.

We were really keen on making the costume look like it's been through the wringer a bit. And she's sort of gathered bits of it from places that she's been throughout her journey. We didn't want it to be too clean and shiny. And it was also important to me that it was a really comfortable costume and that I could actually fight in it, and I could kick in it and just do things that I needed to kick not have to worry about breaking it or being uncomfortable. And then Christine Wada, the costume designer, was amazing at just making it super comfy. But I still felt like a badass when I put it on.

The train scene that wonderful moment were you’re talking about your romantic pasts, and Loki confirms that he is bisexual, which has been received rapturously since the episode came out. And it's such a huge moment and I know it was important to Kate, as well. What can you say about that? First of all, about filming that moment? Did you get a sense of its momentousness when you were filming it?

I knew how important it was, yeah. And I'm just so pleased that it's been received so well. And people are super happy to have seem that scene. And like I said, the show is inspired by the comics, and the comics for a long time have alluded to Loki being bisexual or pansexual. And his sexuality is not straight. And even back to Norse mythology. So, it was important to Kate, and it was also important to me and Tom, that this was represented in a six-hour story about that character. Because representation is important.

And it's such a beautifully written scene as well. Can you just talk about your memories of filming those exchanges? Not just seeing Tom singing in what I presume is Norwegian, and what that was like for you? But also, just that exchange about love and how important it is for these two characters. Because we've only just met Sylvie, of course. And we haven’t seen Loki consider the idea of love or falling in love or being frail or vulnerable in that way before. So, it seemed like a fairly important exchange...

It’s a super important scene. And it was interesting to shoot it because it's the first time that you see Sylvie vulnerable. And it's just a really important moment for the two of them to understand each other in a different way, and not just be miffed by each other for the first time. And when we were filming it, it is quite a long scene. And it just felt really good to do a long, talky scene. It didn't feel long when we were doing it. But it was nice to get into those characters, and it sort of felt like doing a play, when you go a bit deeper and it’s great. It's just another way of understanding the character that you're playing. And listening to Tom singing was also an experience! Didn’t he do such a good job of learning all those words? I was just amazed that he could learn a song in a different language. And he did it so quickly! Like, one day he got the words and the next day he was fluent in Norwegian! That’s Hiddleston, isn’t it? He’s just so smart!

[paradox-psyc-hoe-sis]

The Strongest Avenger

Carol x fem!reader, avengers x reader (platonic)

Word count: 5.2k

Warnings: so many oh boy. Attempted angst, fluff, insecurity, broken bones, injections + needles, so much gore, organ removal, vomit. If you're sensitive to any gore then please don't read it, I'm sorry oof

A/n: I've never written anything like this before, so feedback is always welcome. Tamika, if you're reading this, I am going to marry Carol Danvers one day. Try and stop me, I dare you. - Aphrodite

"Your turn, Nat!"

You, Carol, Natasha, Wanda and Peter all sat on the floor of your bedroom. Carol had a week free, so she decided to spend that week back on earth with her best friends; she was completing a 6 month long mission and it had been exactly 123 days since you saw her last. Yes, you were counting. Whenever she returns from a mission, you host a girls night (eith the exception of Peter, of course. He looked up to you all so much, you couldn't just not invite him), and tonight you had decided to play a game of 21 dares. It's practically the exact same as 21 questions, but with dares instead. After all, you were avengers, and none of you were scared of a bit of danger.

"Alright, alright." Nat looked deep in thought before her eyes lit up, thinking of the best dare. "Carol. I dare you to make out with the prettiest person in the room." Peter gasped, making everyone laugh, and you met Carol's eyes. She raised and eyebrow, to which you gave a small nod; next thing you knew, she had scooted over to sit next to you, and casually put her lips on yours. You didn't think too much of it; you and Carol were closer than any of the other avengers were, and she probably felt more comfortable kissing you than anyone else. The fact that she had chosen you as the prettiest never even crossed your mind.

You'd had a crush on Carol since the first time you saw her. It was about two years ago; she was moving into the avengers tower, and you had to give her the tour. Her sandy blonde hair fell casually onto her shoulders, and she wore black jeans with a white jumper. You had offered to carry her bags, but that was a mistake - being roughly half a foot shorter and only having 3% of the strength that she has was the fatal flaw. Over those two years, you and Carol grew to be best friends, and your feelings for her slowly faded. What was once a raging fire of passion had fizzled down into a small candle flame, but it shone bright with hope nonetheless. She hadn't changed since you first met her, yet she now sported short hair, rather than her longer curls.

Oh, and now you were kissing her.

Her lips were soft, contradictory to yours which were chapped and rough. You were so focused on her that you didn't hear Wanda trying to get your attention. Carol snaked a hand up to your neck and opened her mouth slightly more, yet you could still feel her smiling into your mouth. Before you could put a hand on her waist, you felt someone flicking your face. Laughing as you pulled away from her, Carol sat back where she originally was, and gave you a wink. Wanda was now knelt next to you, and it became apparent that she was the one who had flicked you.

"Any longer and we would've had to cover Peter's eyes!" Her accent came out thick between a giggle, and you felt a familiar burning in your cheeks.

☆☆☆☆☆

You rolled over in your bed to look at the time; 1:38 am. The game of 21 dares didn't last much longer after your kiss, and you all crashed on your bed. It was the climax of summer, so you wore only underwear and a tank top while you slept. Being sure not to wake anybody up, you climbed off of the bed, internally thanking your past self for choosing to lay on the side closest to the door. Grabbing a pair of pyjama shorts to slip on, you studied everyone's expressions to make sure they were all still asleep, and your eyes lingered on Carol's face for a bit too long. Peter wasn't there, he must've woken up earlier and gone back to his bedroom, you thought. Sighing, you walked out of the door. Even out in the hallway it was blisteringly warm, so you headed to the kitchen to get a bottle of water.

The song Dancing Queen by ABBA has been stuck in your head for weeks, so you quietly sang it to yourself on your way to the living area. Once you got to the kitchen you closed your eyes, still singing, and began dancing in the space that you had. Minutes must have passed before you opened your eyes and saw Steve sat at the dining table. He didn't say anything, but instead took a long sip of the coffee he had. Without even flinching at his sudden appearance, you got your bottle of water, and walked out. As you passed him on the way, you leaned in and whispered in his ear.

"This never happened."

Instead of going back to your room, you headed straight towards the elevator, and made your way to the roof. Stepping out into the warm breeze, you walked closer to the balcony. You noted the clarity of the stars above you yet you saw the sun poking out from above the city skyline, and took a deep breath of the early morning air. Disturbing you from tranquility, the sound of the door behind you opening awoke you from your daze.

"Well, if it isn't my favourite earth human."

You turned and saw Carol stood in the doorway, holding two mugs of cocoa.

"Good morning, space alien. What're you doing up?" She walked over to you and handed you one of the mugs. No whipped cream and extra marshmallows, just how you like it. She knew you so well.

"Couldn't sleep, you?"

Before you answered, you took in her appearance. Her short hair was messy as a result of her slumber, and she rocked a matching set of baby pink pyjamas.

"I guess I could say the same. I've had too much on my mind lately." You took a large gulp of your drink, ignoring the fact that its heat felt like molten lava was being poured down your throat. She hummed in response, looking out to the horizon. She turned to you with a frown, sighed, and then asked you a question. "What do you want to do in the future?" The question took you aback, but you knew what you wanted out of life, and you were comfortable telling her. As you thought of your future, you saw a wedding, maybe children, and a steady career.

"Well, once more heroes rise from the future ashes of the avengers, I want to settle down. Helping the earth, and the universe, is everything to me, so I want to work for as long as I can. It would be brilliant to meet somebody soon..." you took a breath, "and possibly fall in love. I don't know about kids, but having somebody to share my life with means the world to me. What about you?"

She was looking at you with such admiration, and you met her gaze. She smiled and turned back to the view, thinking hard. "I think I want to stay on earth." She put it more bluntly than you've ever heard her speak, and you were surprised with the answer.

"Seriously? You literally have super powers, have travelled to so many galaxies, fought the universes biggest threats, and are practically immortal. And at the end of the day, you really want to stay on this junk yard of a planet?"

She faked an offended look and punched you on the arm. "I have more friends of this junk yard of a planet than I do in the entire galaxy. And it's not every day that you get to spend the rest of your life with a group of misfits like us who only care about protecting people. After things have settled down in this realm, I want to stay here to protect my family." You smiled as she turned her head towards you. "And besides, this junk yard of a planet has a very amazing person on it who I'd never be able to get rid of, no matter where I decide to settle down."

You both laughed, and you finished your cocoa. "I'm going back to bed, I promised Natasha that I'd train with her tomorrow and God knows that I need the energy." You smiled and turned to walk away before she grabbed your wrist. Neither of you said anything, but words weren't needed. She pulled you into a hug in which you happily returned, and she gave you a small kiss on the forehead. You stayed like this for a while before you found your eyelids growing heavy. She let you leave for real, this time, and you fell asleep thinking about her.

☆☆☆☆☆

Two days later, you were sat in the conference room with all of the other avengers. Carol sat across the table from you, and you'd love to just stare at her for the entire meeting, but this was important. Somebody in New York had been committing a series of crimes. At first, it was small stuff like shoplifting or stealing somebody's bag on the street. But the longer they were left unnoticed, the bigger their crimes got. Yesterday, you had recieved information that five people were murdered in an attack in the Wall Street building. The criminal went by the name of Neeko, and he always left a note at the scene of the crime. All but one were addressed to the avengers - the note left at Wall Street was addressed to you, and you only. It soon became clear why; you knew all five people killed. One was a former colleague, another was a childhood friend, two of them went to college with you, and the last was your ex-boyfriend. Of course, you were distraught over all of these people being killed, but your determination to catch the killer overpowered your sadness. Steve was

leading the meeting, creating a plan as you went, and you perked up when you heard your name.

"In his last note, Neeko said that if y/n doesn't meet him in the warehouse on 42nd street tonight at 8pm, he'll be attacking one of the schools within the week." Steve looked directly at you. "There's no way that we can find out what school he could be targeting, so we're going to have to use you as bate?"

You nodded, feeling secure. Your family would never let anything bad happen to you, especially not in the hands of a serial killer.

"Now, I don't want to seem condescending, but are you sure you can do this, y/n?" The question came from Sam, who was sat at the opposite end of the table. You glared at him, confused as to what he was talking about.

"What's that supposed to mean?" You asked calmly, but with a hint of annoyance. They did this to you a lot; you were one of the younger in the group, and you were probably one of the weakest. They'd usually never put you in the centre of a mission, but it was a necessity this time around.

"I'm sure what Sam meant was that five people who are close to your heart have just been murdered." Steve sat in the empty chair next to you. "Are you sure you're stable enough to be put directly into the hands of the person who killed them?"

The wat he phrased it made you furious; they always doubt your abilities, and in this time where protecting your loved ones is more important than ever, they were hesitant to trust you. As soon as he asked you this, you stood up from your chair and stared directly at him.

"Stable? You're asking me if I'm 'stable' enough to be trusted?" You looked around at everybody else. Natasha ducked her head down, Bucky casually shielded his eyes with his hand, Tony gave you a sympathetic look; they all agreed with Steve.

You looked at Carol who gave you a small nod of approval, as if to say 'I wouldn't blame you if you burned down the entire avengers tower just from that remark.' Grabbing your jacket from the back of your chair, you walked out of the conference room. You heard Rhodey calling your name, but you weren't going to go back in there and be treated like a child. You and Carol had arranged to get brunch at 10:30, which was in an hour; you didn't know where you were going, but you were leaving the avengers tower. You needed a break.

Sitting down in a small red booth, you closed your eyes and rubbed your forehead. You went for a walk around the city before going to the diner, and once you were there, you were still far to annoyed to even think about eating. 60s music quietly rumbled from speakers on the walls and the smell of waffles and burgers clouded your thoughts.

"Y/n, are you okay?" You looked up and saw Carol who had just come from the tower. She sat down in the booth and placed her hand on top of yours, stroking the back of yours with her thumb. You sighed before giving her a weak smile.

"They don't think I can do it." You saw her nod, knowing exactly what you were thinking.

"It's not that they don't think you can do it, y/n. They know your abilities and how good you are under pressure, but a few of your friends have just died. They're worried that you might get a bit carried away, or worse."

Before you could reply, Carol got the attention of one of the waitresses and ordered a strawberry and cream waffle for you, and a root beer float for herself. You've both been to this diner so many times together that you each know exactly what you like. As soon as Carol turned back around, you started talking.

"That's the point. They're worried that I can't do my job, when we do this all the time. Every single one of us has been in a situation similar to this; where we've lost someone close to us and have to ignore how we feel, and continue to protect the world. Nobody would dare question Steve or Tony's judgement if they were in my position, so I don't see why they feel the need to question mine."

Carol looked surprised at everything you had just said, and it was clear that she didn't know how to reply. Before she could think of anything to say, you scooted closer to her and wrapped her in a hug. You breathed in the sweet smell of her vanilla perfume and the fresh cotton scent of her tee shirt. She rubbed your back, and you pulled away.

"I have to do this. Not just for myself, or the school kids, or my friends that were killed, but for them. I'm going to smash this mission so hard that they'll never dare question my abilities again." You were both smiling, and Carol gave you a high five.

"That's my girl!"

☆☆☆☆☆

It was nearing 8pm. You, Steve, Bucky, Tony, Natasha and Carol stood outside of the warehouse on 42nd; bringing all of the avengers would seem suspicious, so Steve chose just the right amount of people to protect you and catch Neeko. They were all suited up, except for you. You weren't dressed in your dark purple latex suit, but the skirt and jumper combo that you had worn earlier in the diner. It was your idea; showing up in your suit would alert Neeko and his companions, and make them think that you were planning an attack. Wearing normal clothes would make it seem like you weren't planning anything. When you told Steve, he was impressed that you had come up with the idea, and happily approved. However, you were slightly regretting it now. Being without the suit that Tony had made for you and knowing that you could, possibly, be walking into your place of death gave you a wave of fear, but you brushed it off. You had to prove to the rest of the group that you were more than what they think, or at least you'll die trying.

All of the avengers wore black watches, but when closely inspected, were actually tracking devices. They each had a tiny button on the side that when pressed, would alert every other device of where you were. The button was only to be pressed when you knew you'd be in a certain place for a while, and/or you were in a lot of danger. The button was really only meant to be pressed by you, so the rest of the group knew when to come and get you and where you were. But if another avenger was in trouble and needed backup, they could use it too.

Steve started going over the plan. "As soon as y/n gives us the alert, we head inside. Carol and I will go in from the front and find her, Bucky and Nat will go in from the back to see if there are any hostages or prisoners there, and Tony will fly above the roof and use his scanners to find out how many people inside are working for Neeko."

He gave you a clap on the back. "Are you ready, y/n?" You looked up at him, took a deep breath, and nodded. You were more ready than you'd ever be. You checked the phone in the back of your pocket, which read 7:58pm, it was almost time. Everyone watched as you grabbed Carol's hand, interlaced your fingers, gave it a weak squeeze, and walked straight through the main doors of the warehouse.

Everything smelt damp, and the faint scent of machine oil lingered in the huge hall. You looked around, not seeing a single sign of life in the entire room. You calmly strolled through the warehouse, being sure to stay in the main hall and not get lost in any other rooms.

"Hello? Hellooooo!? Anybody home?" You called into the darkness, hoping somebody would walk out any second. You were about to turn around and make your way back out through the doors before somebody threw a sack over your head. You shouted at whoever was behind you, kicking your legs out in an attempt to knock them over. This failed, and you only aggravated your captor more. They grabbed your shoulders to hold you still, and another pair of hands appeared to tie your wrists together in front of you. The same person who tied your hands also did the same to your ankles, and you felt the familiar pain of rope burn against your wrists and ankles. You continued to shout and scream for help, but the two people who had tied you up had picked you up and carried you away.

When the sack was removed from your head, you were tied to a chair with thick black rope. You looked down at your wrists, and blood dripped down your forearms. Just by looking at your surroundings, you knew you were probably inappropriate storage room; you tried, but failed to reach the button of your tracking device, letting out an angry sigh. The only thing lighting up the room was an old lightbulb above your head, but you could still see what was on the floor surrounding you: bodies. People who you didn't recognize, their organs pooling out of their lacerated stomachs. Their eyes had been gouged out of their faces, and a thick, brown liquid dripped from their mouths. You screamed, not out of fear, but of anger. You shouted until your voice became hoarse and your eyes watered.

Not long afterwards, you heard the locks on the doors being undone. You sat up, preparing for some sort of mob boss to walk in with a set of weapons. Instead, a tall man wearing an apron walked in. He wore a shirt and jeans, a pair of black glasses resting on the bridge of his nose; you would've thought he was a normal person if it wasn't for the heavily blood stained apron he wore. What disgusted you the most was that he looked no older than Tony did. Following him was one of his companions, short and stocky, carrying a sizeable wooden box. Along with them, they brought the scent of blood and rotting bodies.

"It's nice to meet you, y/n." His voice was low and fitting to what you would expect a serial killers voice to be like; thick, eerie, and leaving a sour taste in your mouth. He walked over to you and bent down, examining your face.

"You're a monster."

He chuckled at your stern expression, and didn't reply. You squirmed and wriggled in your seat, desperate to break free and kick him in the balls. Instead of breaking free from the chair, you just caused yourself more pain. Blood continued to slowly drip past your wrists and onto your hands, coating your dainty fingers in pure red. Noticing how desperate you were to get out made him visibly frustrated, so he stood up and gave you a hard punch in the face. This was the hardest you've ever felt somebody punch you, and you've trained with Steve before.

Your ears started ringing and vision went blurry. He had, quite obviously, broken your nose. Blood poured out of your nose like a waterfall, and you could feel a bone sticking out of place. You groaned, sitting up straight in your chair. Although you weren't really listening, he began talking again, pacing around the room.

"I know you and your little group of superheroes have been getting my letters, and I have to say, I'm quite offended," he stopped and looked at you, "you never wrote back. I'm sure your angry, y/n, I really am. After all, I killed some of the people who you trust with your life, and I'm about to do more than just that."

You were confused by what he meant, before his companion handed him a laptop. He placed it on the floor in front of you, and you saw what appeared to be security camera footage of another room in the warehouse. Two people were tied up on chairs just like you, and it took you a moment to recognize who those two people were.

Your parents.

And before you could open you mouth to ask him why your parents were here, another figure appeared on the screen. It was him.

"How are you in two places at once?" You asked, seeming stupid. He laughed again, a low, broad chuckle.

"Oh, you silly girl, I'm not in two places at once. That was recorded half an hour ago." You put two and two together and realised that your parents were here half an hour ago, and the blood on his apron was fresh. You couldn't think of anything to say, so instead, you watched the video. You gasped when Neeko pulled out a knife, and screamed bloody murder when you saw him slit both your mother and your father's throats. You looked away, but he grabbed your head and forced you to see what happened to your parents. With the knife, he cut out their organs and their eyes, being sure to look into the camera every now and again. You were sobbing, your eyes were puffy and red, matching the crimson blood that covered the bottom half of your face.

"That's enough! I can't watch any more!" You screamed up at him, choking on your own sobs. He showed no pity as he flicked his fingers at his companion, who went and collected the wooden box. Neeko opened it in front of you, showing you a syringe full of clear, slightly yellow tinted liquid. Before you could scream for help, he had already put the needle to your neck and injected you with the serum. Your eyelids began to feel too heavy to keep open, and you fell into a deep slumber.

You woke to the sound of knives being sharpened. You were still bound to the chair, but were in a different room. It was much larger, with a few mahogany desks along one of the walls. Instead of paperwork being laid on top of the desk, there was a selection of knives, scissors and other surgical tools. You knew what was about to come, and you were prepared for the worst.

"If you're going to try and kill me then you've picked the wrong fight." Everything hurt as you spoke, but you meant what you said. The avengers would be worried by your lack of alert, and would come and find you. Any minute now, Steve and Carol were bound to break down the door and rescue you.

"Oh, I'm not going to kill you, little girl." You hated him calling you that, you were in your mid early twenties but never treated like it, not even from the avengers.

"No, I'm not going to kill you. But what I am going to do is mess you up so badly that you'll never be able to fight with your precious friends ever again, and you'll live with the knowledge that you weren't strong enough to save your parents, and you weren't strong enough to save yourself." You spat at his face, which only made him laugh even more.

Turning his back to you, he picked up a knife from one of the desks. He walked over to you and sat down on an empty chair that you never even realised was beside you. Your legs were bare under your skirt, showing the most skin than any other part of your body. He placed the blade of the knife on the middle of your thigh and slowly pressed it in. You screamed, pure agony surging through you body. Hearing you scream only made Neeko want to continue, so the more you screamed the deeper her pushed the knife. Only the first half of the blade was inside of you, but you only realised how bad it was when you felt the cold metal hit your bone. He pulled the knife out and basked in the sound of your piercing screams. Just in fucking time, you heard a knock on the door. Who in the living hell would be knocking at the door while this was going on?

Neeko rose and went to answer the door. Only opening it slightly, he peered out at who was there. Then, you heard her voice.

"Pizza delivery, motherfuckers." She sent a photon blast directly to his face, and then another to his companion. She strode in, and as soon as she saw you she went pale. Your entire face, arms, thighs and ankles were drained in your own blood, and you were bound to a chair, panting. She ran over to you and broke the ropes with her own hands, and pressed the alert button on her watch. She knelt beside you, and once you were fully untied, you couldn't help but collapse directly on top of her. Your arms were draped over her back as she picked you up in a fire man's lift, walking out of the door to meet the other avengers.

☆☆☆☆☆

It had been 6 days since the night in the warehouse. After passing out, you were taken back to the tower by Carol, Bucky and Nat, where Bruce managed to identify and heal your injuries, to the best of his ability. Steve and Tony caught Neeko and his accomplices, turning them into S.H.I.E.L.D., their fate was to be decided by Nick Fury. It took you 3 days to wake up from your passing out; whatever they had injected you with keeps you asleep for longer, and they had put far too much in you. Once you had finally awoken, you used the next three days to recover in and out of bed, being forced to do mandatory small exercises to ensure your body was working perfectly. The sixth day was your first day fully out of bed, walking around the avengers tower. You needed crutches, as the wound on your leg wasn't big enough for stitches and had to recover independently. Additionally, you wore a small brace on your nose, so your bone could be shaped back into place. The only people you had seen since waking up were Bruce, Steve, and Peter. Steve had come to tell you everything that happened, and Peter came to see if you were okay. Bruce recommended no visitors until you were able to get out of bed, as it could over stimulate you, but Peter couldn't sleep knowing that you were in pain.

Carol left 3 days ago to return to her mission. She was the only person who you wanted to see; you had been through so much, and nobody could get you thought it better than her. Hobbling into the elevator, you went to the roof. You were wearing a onesie, courtesy of Wanda, and just wanted to be alone on the balcony to see the city like you and Carol had done a week ago. Once the elevator doors opened, you felt the chilly evening breeze hit your skin. Before you could step out of the elevator, you saw somebody stood on the balcony. You didn't recognize them at first, but they knew exactly who you were.

"Well well well, my favourite earth human seems to be doing quite well considering that she almost died last week."

Carol turned around and jokingly winced when she saw the state you were in, and you would've laughed if you weren't in complete shock.

"Carol..."

"Y/n."

"What are you doing? You shouldn't still be on earth." You made your way over to meet her on the balcony.

"I couldn't just leave you in a coma while I fight crime across the galaxy."

You laughed, and grabbed her hand, not a single worry crossing your mind.

"I love you, Carol. I have for ages, but I've never appreciated how much you mean to me until now." She smirked, raising a hand to tuck a stray piece of hair behind your ear.

"I love you too, y/n." You stood on your tip toes to kiss her, and she pulled back immediately when you did. You worried that you had done something wrong.

"It feels better to do this now that we're actually a couple." You both laughed as she leaned back into the kiss, but instead, she accidentally bonked your brace with her nose, which resulted in even more laughing.

You have been waiting so long for this.

[hanaridulsetcheese]

Find Yourself

~ Stray Kids

Note: Takes place two days after Double Knot was released.

~~~

Reader's POV

I was so nervous, my hands were shaking and I couldn't breathe normally. Today was my first evaluation with Park Jinyoung PD nim. This would decide if I get to carry on as a JYP trainee.

My chances of staying were not that high to begin with, I was the youngest trainee in JYP and I only specialised in dance. My voice wasn't that good, my singing was average and my rap was bad. I only had dance to rely on, I was sure I would be sent home but I wasn't going to leave without a fight.

I was currently in the practice room, doing the cover of Stray Kids sunbaenim's new song Double Knot. The choreography was tough, but that's what I liked about it, if you got it right then it looked perfect.

I was the only one of the trainees who dared to perform one of the newest songs in the company, many chose to perform a song that was full proof and well known, in my case, Double Knot was just released two days ago. I heard that Stray Kids were still mixing up the choreography for the song.

I pushed myself of the floor and put the music on again, taking my place and waited for the music to start. The beginning was the most difficult because it was made for the nine members to perform, not a solo artist.

I tried my best to improvise for this part so it looked part of the choreography but eventually just ended up doing Bang Chan's move where we was on the floor in the beginning.

As the song played, I had the video of thier practice in my head and followed along with the moves, closing my eyes and letting the music take over my body, carrying out the moves.

When ever I danced, my eyes were always closed and I did what came to mind, that's how I auditioned, I don't know what moves I did but apparently it was as bad as I thought it would be and Park Jinyoung accepted me.

When the chorus part of the song came, I focused on the lyrics and the video playing in my head and did the moves, hoping it didn't look sloppy. I never really saw how I dance but people always told me I was good so I took their word for it.

When the song ended, I fell to the floor, panting heavily and looked at myself in the mirror, I expected to see only myself in the mirror but I was met with nine other people staring at me through the mirror, they were none other than Stray Kids themselves.

I got up of the floor and faced them, my face grew hotter as I looked at them.

"Annyeonghaseyo oppas. " I bowed to them.

"Annyeonghaseyo. " the all greeted me. They all smiles at me as I looked awkwardly at them. I've been here for two months but this was the first time I met them, or any idol for that matter.

"What's your name kid? " Lee Know asked.

"I'm (Y/L/N) (Y/N). " I said shyly.

"You got quite some moves there, are you planning on becoming a trainee? " Bang Chan asked.

"I- I'm already a trainee. "

"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know. It's just that we met all the trainees and we don't remember meeting you- " they all looked at each other.

"It's okay, I never associated myself with the other trainees or idols, I always stayed in the dorms or here. " I told them.

"That's not nice, you should go out and socialise. " Han said, looking at me with sad eyes.

"I can't. I'm not good at socialising. " you look down at your feet.

"We can help. " Woojin says.

"Thank you, but no thanks. I couldn't ask you guys to do that for me, after all, I might be going home after today. "

"What why?! " they all looked at me shocked.

"I don't really have any talents. I can't sing or rap and my dance isn't that good. "

"You are such a good dancer, what you just did there was amazing, some of us can't dance like that. " Felix says.

"You're just being nice. " I told him.

"I'm not kidding, we all took so long to learn this dance and you learnt it like what? Two days? You executed the dance out perfectly. "

"Was I really that good? " I asked, hopeful.

"Yes you were. Why don't you believe that? " Hyunjin asked.

"I never actually saw myself dance, I have this thing where I close my eyes while in dance. I've been dancing since I was six and I never saw myself dance. " you told them.

"Well your missing out something great, you have do much talent for someone so young. " Changbin said.

"There's no way Park Jinyoung PD nim would send you home. " Jeongin said, he gave me his signature dimpled smile.

"When do you have to perform it for him? " Seungmin asked.

"In- " I checked my phone, "two hours. "

"You shouldn't be over working yourself, the performance was perfect, you should rest now. " Bang Chan said.

"I can't rest, I feel like there is something missing. " I told him.

"How about you do it one more time, but this time you do it with your eyes open. Maybe you find that something missing. " Lee Know said.

"I-I could try. " I said. My nerves were over the roof, it's one thing doing the moves alone but when you have the creators of the dance watching you, it's a whole other feeling.

Hyunjin played the song and I took a deep breath in, getting ready.

Almost immediately my eyes closed and I began to do Bang Chan's part.

"Eyes open! " one of them yelled over the music, I slowly opened my eyes and looked at my self in the mirror, still doing the dance moves.

It felt weird watching myself as I danced, but it felt good. My moves were sharp and precise, when the chorus hit that's when I realised what was missing, I missed the sights I saw while dancing, seeing the different parts of the room, seeing the nine smiling faces of Stray Kids watching me.

I smiled as I danced, watching my moves in the mirror, feeling the energy of the song take over me. I was ready to face Park Jinyoung and make him see that I was worthy of staying.

I finished of the song with Lee Know's move and smiled at myself. The was the sound of clapping behind me and I turned around and I saw Hyunjin holding up his phone, on a FaceTime with Park Jinyoung.

"Park Jinyoung PD nim, annyeonghaseyo. " I bowed to him, speechless.

"Well down (Y/N). That was the best dance performance I have ever seen. You're clear to carry in training with JYP, congratulations. I would like to see you in my office at five tonight. " he said.

"Of course sir, I'll be there. Thank you so much. " I bowed again.

"I have great plans for you (Y/N). " he smiled and cut the call.

I stood there in the middle of the practice room, speechless, staring at the nine idols who were busy smiling at me. Before I could comprehend anything, they all tackled me in a group hug, I couldn't life and deny the fact that my heart fluttered as the hugged me.

"We knew you could do it! "

"I can't believe you called Park Jinyoung. What if my performance was bad?! "

"But it wasn't, you heard him, you have talent. Don't be so hard in yourself. " Lee Know told me.

"I can't thank you guys enough for this. " You smiled at them.

"You can thank us by allowing us to take you out for ice cream? " Woojin said.

"I can't do that, I'm on a diet- "

"You're allowed to have one cheat day since you're so young. Let that day be today. " Seungmin said.

"Okay I guess. " I said and walked out with them.

"Since you're in the clear now, maybe you could start socialising more with the other trainees. " Felix said.

"I'm too shy to talk to anyone. " I admitted.

"We can help with that. We kind of have experience taking people out if their shells. " Changbin said, gesturing to Jeongin who blushed.

"Okay fine, but- "

"No buts except yours on the social bus. " Han said.

"Thanks guys. "

The rest of the night was spent fooling around with Stray Kids. They were so much of fun to be with. They told you stories if their trainee days and how it was like before they were put together.

At the end of the day, they walked you to your firm and you thanked them for the day.

"Thank you guys for helping me, if it wasn't for you guys I would be a nervous wreck right now having to perform in front of Park Jinyoung. "

"You're welcome (Y/N). Just remember not to push yourself so hard. " Jeongin said.

"And go out and make some friends. " Hyunjin said.

"I will, goodnight guys. "

You walked away into your dorms, pushing the button on the elevator and waited for it to come.

You heard laughing and turned around to see some of your dorm mates walking in the lobby.

"Hey (Y/N). " Sana, the oldest in your dorm greeted.

"Hey guys. How was evaluation? "

"It was great, Park Jinyoung cleared us, you? "

"Same here. "

"That's awesome. " Haneul, the third oldest said. "Say (Y/N), do you want to hangout with us at the rooftop? The rest of the girls are gonna be there. "

"I would love to. " you smiled, thinking about what Stray Kids told you.

They wanted you to break out if your shell and find yourself, and that's what you were going to do.