#my shoes are all coming apart i cant do it anymore

[duoduotian]

tfw everyone has a different way to mark the thing as done and i have to rmb everyone's way depending on who's assessing me next week . um .

[sludgeguzzler]

im so glad im getting better lately and thinking of the future as full of possibilities and options. what really keeps me going lately has been thinking about graduating high school and moving out and going to college, getting a job, living my life normaly and on my own pace, which is such a big change from the plans i had made just a few months back. im feeling sorta hopeful about my future for once and its great. i want to grow old now. its great

[mydearesthrry]

right back home to you - h.s.

a/n: had a hard time deciding if i wanted to put this out since im not too happy with the outcome but i wanted to feed u guys. in the future ill probably go back in and edit it but for now i hope you all enjoy this little angsty girl xx im also working on part 2 of love in secret !!!!!!!!!! she should be out fairly soon <3

wc: 4.8k

warnings: none, angst, fluff, flight anxiety

“Hello? ‘M home,” Harry shouted into the cold house. Not that he would even notice, but the air was dull and the atmosphere was still, hues in the normally vibrant house now gray and lifeless. “Baby?” 

“Oh, hi Harry,” A dulcet smile was on her face as she walked around the corner with sweatpants and a baggy hoodie on, a baseball cap on top of her head. She had her dirty and beat up air forces on her feet that Harry loved to make fun of, small dollops of paint on the soles of the shoe. She also had a pair of sunnies that lay stagnant on the dark blue visor, a tell tale sign for Harry that she was going out. “I didn’t hear you come home.” 

Harry hummed, holding his arms out for her to walk into. She did, but only embraced him with half of her body, one arm curling around his waist loosely while the other stayed swaying by her side. In both of their opinions, it was way too short to even be considered a hug, not even close to being an embrace, but Y/N did it purposely. Harry frowned, feeling a twinge of hurt at her unusual lack of affection. “Um… Are y- are y’going out?” 

She laughed falsely, shaking her head and turning her body to face the large windows in their apartment. “Yeah, I guess you could say that.” 

Harry was still confused. “What d’you mean?” 

It’s now or never, Y/N thought, and mustered her bravest smile as she pivot turned to face him again. “I’m leaving, Harry. I’m going up to New York to stay with Eliza. I don’t know when I’ll be home, but I’ll be sure to let you know in advance, is that okay?” 

A few beats pass, Harry staring at her in disbelief. “What the fuck? No, no, s’not okay! Why- why are y’leaving? Y’didn’t even tell me? When were you planning on telling me y’were leaving?” 

“I’ve been planning on leaving for a long time, Harry. I was actually meant to leave before you even got home, really, but you’re early.” She sighed, rubbing at her temple and knowing the fight that was about to ensue. 

“Why are y’leaving?” Harry’s voice started to grow in volume, becoming harder and harsher as he tightened his hands into balled fists, trying to channel his feelings in another way rather than yelling at his girlfriend. 

“I’m leaving because I can’t do this anymore, Harry. I cant keep arguing with you every day, it’s just not fair to me. And it’s not fair to you either, really, so I’m just… taking the stress off of the both of us and making the bold decision to leave.” She explains, moving to grab her suitcases from the hallway and roll them into the living room. 

“That’s wha’ this is about? The fight we had last night?” He asks, eyes widening and mouth drying at the sight of her multiple suitcases. 

“Um— not entirely, I guess. I’ve meant to go up to visit Eliza, if you remember, we were going to but you had um— a party, that you needed to attend. So I just decided to book a flight last night after you went to sleep.” She's as quiet as a mouse, her words not staggering but it was physically obvious that she was nervous. 

“So what now? Is that it? You’re just… throwing away four years of my- of our fucking life?” Harry spat. She’d started to shrink into herself quite a bit, sweaty palms running over the now warm black handle of her small suitcase. 

“I’m not throwing away anything, Harry. We had a fight, you and I both said some nasty things, and I’m just going up to my sister's house for a little bit to clear my head. Like I said, I was meaning to go up anyway. This isn’t really about you, Harry, as much as you think it might be. I’ve been miserable here all alone and all I want is to be with someone who I know can provide me with love and attention right now, which is what I need. You need it too.” She tried to hold her ground but the tremble in her soft voice made her feel weak. 

She and Harry had gotten into a multitude of arguments within the past weeks that he had been off tour. It started from little things, like a sock being thrown over the laundry basket and not inside of it, or one of them leaving their dirty tea mugs on the counter when the sink was right there! But as small and insignificant as these things were, they also grew into arguments about bigger issues. One of the more nasty arguments had pushed her to pack her bags and book a plane ride up to her sister’s house in New York. 

The argument on the table this time around was that whenever Harry was home after an elongated amount of time on the road, he would treat Y/N as if she was his friend and not girlfriend of three years. She’d had a problem with this seeing as all she ever wanted him to do was love her and take care of her, and for some reason she couldn’t help but feel he found that hard. 

“Bullshit. I know y’leaving ‘cause your feelings got hurt or whatever, but you know y’don’t have to leave, pup. We can resolve this, don’t we always?” He grumbles, taking a few small steps forward to meet her where she stood by the door. 

“It’s entirely different this time, Harry.” She sighed, bending down to sit on the floor since she knew they’d probably be there for a while. 

“How?! How could this be any fuckin’ different? We’re jus’ arguin’ are we not?” Harry runs a stressed hand through his hair, trying to channel his energy away from his voice. Though he tried to refrain from allowing his anger to seep its way into his voice, his girlfriend could still pick up on the edge that lined his vocal chords. 

“No, baby. We aren’t just arguing. This is me trying to tell you how I feel, and you keep pushing it aside. So this isn’t just us arguing anymore, I guess I’m surrendering. I’m tired of doing this with you whenever you’re home, Harry. I’m alone every day, 24/7, and then you come home and it’s like nothing has changed. Which I love, I love how we can just bounce back, but sometimes I need more love or attention when you come back, and I just…” She starts to gnaw on her lips, trying to word her next thought carefully. “I’m tired of being treated like your friend rather than your girlfriend.” 

“What?” 

“Mhm. Besides me being alone all the time, whenever I do have you— or people around, you only ever want to keep me at arms length. The whole world knows we’re together, Harry. You’ve posted on my birthday and it’s no secret to anyone anymore. I… I just can’t understand why you do that, really. It makes me feel like I’m just your friend and not your lover.” She pauses, inhaling a sharp breath of air and willing her tears away. 

“What do you— what do you even mean? I’m always with you whenever I’m home, I bring y’everywhere w’me?” His anger just kept growing and growing, but this time he noticed that the weight of guilt that was sitting on his heart had gotten heavier with every breath he took, the weight of the pull almost being able to bring him to his knees.

She lets out a wet laugh, shaking her head before dropping it in defeat. “Harry… I hate to bring it up but— you’ve been home for what, three weeks now? We haven’t had sex, we barely have cuddled, you don’t put your arm around me in public or kiss my cheek. I— I feel like I’m losing you. It’s so hard to love you when you won’t let me. I’ve tried to be understanding and just trying to accept the fact that you’re readjusting to our normal life but… I miss you. The only time we talk for longer than a few minutes is when we fight, and that’s not okay. You know how much you mean to me, but I just can’t keep trying to love someone you aren’t anymore. It’s just too destructive to me and I just can’t. I’m sorry, Harry. I hope you can understand, and I’ll be back whenever we’re ready.” 

Harry’s now shaking with sobs. Uncontrollable, messy, heartbreaking sobs. Her words were finally making sense to him. All of the arguments had finally made sense. She was arguing with him just so he would talk to her. He thought he could die with the amount of guilt squeezing his heart right now. 

“I love you, isn’t that enough?” He whispered. 

“I don’t think it is anymore, Harry.” Lifting herself up to her feet, she rolls her suitcase to stand behind her, taking a few small steps to be inches away from her Harry. “I’ll be back, H. I promise.” 

Placing a kiss to his wet cheek, he watched her walk away with a damp smile, and against his will, engrained the image of her leaving to his mind. 

This wasn’t how he imagined they would end. 

He didn’t even entertain the thought of them ever ending; but now he feels like he just lost every single atom of his being in the quickest of moments. 

—

It was hell. 

Harry could say with full conviction that it was absolute hell to be in that house, that big house on the beach, alone. 

Nothing felt right. From the second he woke up in the morning, to the minute he slid his legs under the covers at night, he almost felt nauseous because of how unusual he felt. How unusual everything felt. 

And it was all his fault. 

Picking up his phone, he goes to text his sweet girl again when he decides to scroll up to find the reprieve of gray amongst the sea of blue. 

Harry: Please text me when you land. 

Harry: I love you, please don’t forget that. 

Harry: Take all the time you need, Angel. I’m here if you need me. I’m so sorry.

Harry: I’ll be waiting for you when you get home. Just say the word and I’ll get you a ticket. 

Harry: Take your time though, please be safe. I love you.

Harry: Again

Y/N: just landed. kinda busy rn, talk to you later bug

Harry: That’s okay, be safe. ❤️

Y/N loved this message

Harry: I love you 

Y/N: yeah love you too h

Allowing his head to drop onto the back of the sofa, his arm fell limp onto his thigh, his green eyes scanned the interior of the living room, twinges of pain and guilt panting in his chest whenever he’d land his gaze on something that was proprietarily hers. 

Her growing orchids in a handmade pot that they’d painted together on their first Valentine’s Day as a couple. 

The godawful mirror she thrifted from a random corner store back in her hometown that she begged Harry to put up. 

A small canvas filled with tiny paintings of inside jokes and memorable dates that she gifted to him last Christmas. He allowed himself to trace over that painting for a little longer than the rest of the small things placed among their living room. 

11/29/19. The first time they met. 

1/16/21. When Harry asked her to be his girlfriend. 

4/07/21. The first time they said I love you. 

12/25/22. When Harry surprised Y/N on Christmas with a down payment on a house. The one he was now residing in, alone. 

A red convertible figurine, the car they first kissed in. 

A coffee cup and a teacup, symbolizing the first date they went on, where he learned she hates tea and preferred coffee, which led to an argument on whether coffee or tea was better. 

A small tulip, representing the first bouquet of flowers he ever bought her. 

And a small pearl ring, an exact replica of the promise ring Harry had given her on their 3 year anniversary. 

He didn’t even notice the streaks of tears beginning to run down his face until he felt a teardrop fall onto his inner wrist, making him look down. 

But as he canvassed the room once more, he perked up at the sight of a small snow globe that she brought him back from New York, and that was when he got an idea. He knew it was dramatic, and a bit of a stretch, but who said he wouldn’t go to extreme lengths to get his soulmate back?

Yeah, no one ever. 

To: Eliza

Harry: Hey Liz, got a sec?

—

Harry hated flying alone. 

Since he was a teenager and stepped foot on his first plane, he was anxious even being next to someone he barely knew even though his friends were two seats away. Though he would claim that he’s always been a bit anxious and just chalking it up to flight anxiety, he knew that the real reason why he hated flying alone was because he always feared that something bad would happen on the ground when he was in the air and vice versa, and that was always his greatest vice. 

His hands began to tremble nervously as he looked out the window of the airplane, seeing nothing but fluffy white on the exterior and the soft red light of the aircraft’s wings blinking every so often. His headphones were placed over his head, smushing his curls down flat onto his head, a mask covering the bottom half of his face. His hood was pulled up as well, trying to conceal himself as much as possible. He hadn’t brought much, just a little carry on and a small tote to shove under the seat in front of him. It was wishful thinking that he wouldn’t be there for a long while, but he brought the keys to his apartment in New York anyway. 

He kept his head hung in nausea, the speed of his shaking hands increasing tenfold. The pit in his stomach grew and he had to beg his own body to allow his eyes to not stray to the window next to him. Sure, he could close it, but he feared if it was too dark he would become more anxious than he was right now. The mask covering the bottom half of his face now felt constricting— as if he was being suffocated by the thin layer of fabric. The light douse of perfume that danced around the sunflower print of the mask couldn’t even distract him, and it only pained him more that his senses were fully encompassed by her. He bit down on his lip to distract himself by the whirling feeling of nausea that now swirled around in his throat, willing away the sick that begged to come out.

The rest of the flight was the same, his anxiety only decreasing when he allowed himself to take a small nap. However, when he woke up, his nerves had heightened when he flickered his gaze from the window to the screen in front of him, reading only 20 minutes until he was set to touch down. Grasping his phone from his hoodie pocket, he aligned it to his face then rolling his eyes when he remembered he had a mask on. Lowering his phone he typed in his password— Y/N’s birthday— and pulled up their messages again. 

Harry: Good morning baby. I love you. I hope you have a good day today!! 

Y/N: thanks h love you

He couldn’t lie and say that her being short with him didn’t hurt his feelings, because it did. He wasn’t going to avoid the fact, but that didn’t mean that he liked it regardless. He felt like a fool checking his phone so often, especially when he knew that she wouldn’t be making an effort to reach out first, but he could be hopeful, right? 

At least that’s what he’s telling himself. 

The plane landed safely, nerves rolling off of his back in waves and he was more than happy to leave his flight anxiety on the floor of the plane, relieved to not be miles high in the air. There was a lull that was obvious to Harry, and he felt himself switch to function in autopilot, waiting mindlessly to enter the aisle to retrieve his bag from the overhead compartment. 

The nippy New York air was the first thing to snap Harry out of his trance. Looking down at his phone, he felt a soft buzz and soon after felt his heart beat almost fast enough to eject from his chest. 

Y/N: saw this in a store earlier, thought of u

Y/N: Attachment: 1 Image 

Eliza: waiting near terminal b for you, lmk when you get outside 

Harry: I’m outside, can you see me?

Eliza: yep. be there in a sec

Swiping out of Y/N’s sisters messages, he went to click on Y/N’s before a black car stopped in front of him, averting his attention from his device to the car that just screeched to a halt. Taking a deep breath to calm himself, he trudged forward and grabbed onto the door handle, prying it open and avoiding Eliza’s deathly stare. “Um- hiiii.” 

She scoffed. “Hi, H.” 

He throws his tote to his feet, awkwardly buckling himself in and turned in his seat, avoiding eye contact but making sure she knew that conversation was open if she’d wanted to make it. “How— um… How are you?”

Silence follows his words for a few seconds, making him heat up in embarrassment. “Good.” 

“Oh- that’s good… I, um— haven't seen y’in quite a while, Lizzy,” He says softly, guilt evident in his voice. “I missed you.” 

Eliza was basically Gemma’s best friend. They were attached at the hip the first time they met, bonding over being the eldest sisters, and shared secrets. Y/N and Harry’s family had always been interconnected, close with each other even if Y/N and Harry lacked that communication. 

They were basically soul tied in every sense of the phrase. 

“Yeah, I missed you too, H. But,” Eliza starts. “You’ve been a right dick to my sister.” 

“I know,” He whispers. 

“Do you? Fuck, H, my fucking baby sister came to me crying because of you. And you know how much I love you, truly, you know I do, but I love her more. So, I just have to ask,” She pauses, gnawing on her lip and clicking her blinker on to signal her turn. “What the hell happened?” 

“I,” He sniffs, trying to contain his emotions already begging to come out. “I don’t know.” 

Eliza snorts. “Bullshit.” 

“I— I really don’t, Lizzy. I guess I was really in m’head about… well, everything. I lo- love her so much,” Harry’s voice cracks, his facade shattering into more microscopic pieces than the most delicate sheet of glass ever could. 

“I know you do, H. That’s why this is so confusing to me. To Gems. And most importantly, to Y/N. What happened, Curly? How’d we lose you?” She begs, trying to get him to explain where he was mentally. She loved him as she would Y/N, which was the hardest part. It hurt her as much as it hurt him to confront him about the issue. 

“I don’t want her to hate me! Okay?” Harry sobs, chin falling to his chest in weakness. “I don’t want her t’hate me for being away all the time, and I’m so fucking scared. ‘M scared because the press is doing nothing but talking bad about me and I don’t know if I can equally protect her as much as she does me when this happens. When it happens t’me I jus’ ignore it, but I know she can’t do that. I know it, Lizzy, and so d’you.” 

“I know, H. I know.” She whispers. 

“I jus’ wanted to keep her as far away as I could so that if she did decide she didn’t want me anymore, it wouldn’t hurt as bad.” He murmurs so quietly, he himself even doubts if he said it out loud. 

Silence followed the rest of the car ride, the only sound filling the space of the vehicle being the soft splatter of rain on the glass windows and windshield, paired with the crackly static of the stereo. The sun even seemed to be hiding away, the sky dark with clouds, little to no light making an appearance to greet Harry’s arrival. 

Pulling up to her driveway, Eliza parked the car, keeping her ignition on so she could drive away after Harry got into the house. Turning to Harry, she chewed on her bottom lip as she traced his side profile with her eyes. “You need to tell her exactly what you told me. Word for word, Harry. You can’t keep her in the dark. She doesn’t even know I went to pick you up. So, just promise me that you’ll tell her exactly what you told me.” 

“I promise.” Harry’s voice cracked in a broken whisper, vocal cords thrumming against each other as if they were rusted. “Love you, Lizzy. Thank you.”

Stepping out of the car, he knocked on the door thrice, and tapped softly on the doorbell for good measure. His hands had gone cold with anxiousness, but he wrote it off as the stark cold weather of New York. 

“Harry? Oh my god, baby, get inside,” Y/N pulled him in immediately, pushing his thick puffer jacket off of him that was shiny with rainwater, hands coming up to pull his baby blue beanie from his hair, revealing his soft curls. They shared no words as she pulled him to the living room, where she sat the both of them down and covered the length of their torsos and legs with a big fluffy blanket. Y/N didn’t waste a second before she threw her legs over his thighs, grabbing his hands and rubbing over the cold and cracked red skin, trying to exude as much warmth from her own as much as she could. 

She’s always been warm. 

Her hands have always been graced with heat and more significantly, she always tended to carry around an aura as sweet as honey and as warm as a hug with her wherever she went. Bringing their hands up to his lips, he presses kisses all over the back of hers, kissing her knuckles and fingertips that moved erratically over his own. She could feel the dry chap of his lips on her hands and down to her wrists but she didn’t care. She didn’t mind one bit. She would rather commit the feeling of his lips on her hands to memory rather than not know what they felt like at all. 

“What’re you doing here, baby?” She asks, concern etched in her face as she lifts her head to look at him, her movements on his hands not staggering or slowing. 

“Came t’see you,” He whispers weakly. “Couldn’t bear it. I need t’see you, hold y’again… Fuck, do jus’ about anything to be near y’again.” 

Her heart twisted with the most intense emotion that she could only describe as heartbreak. “You— you got on a plane by yourself just to come see me?” 

“Would do jus’ about anything f’you, sweet girl. Of course I would go on a plane jus’ by myself if it meant I could hold you.” He admitted. He avoided eye contact with her, keeping his eyes trained on their conjoined hands that now lay stagnant on the soft fabric of the blanket. 

“Harry,” She whispers. “Why are you here, my love?” 

“I felt too guilty t’let you leave like that,” He says, gnawing on his bottom lip to will away the tears begging to escape. “I couldn’t let y’go without telling y’I loved you. And I didn’t…” He pauses, struggling for air as he over explained. “I didn’t even explain m’self. I didn’t tell you I loved you. I didn’t kiss y’back. I didn’t even tell y’to be safe.” 

He’s fully sobbing now, Y/N tracing his side profile with his eyes, jittering with fear and anxiety. “It’s okay, hey, baby, listen,” Grabbing his chin with the tips of her fingers, she turns his head to hers, resting his forehead atop of hers. “It’s okay. I forgive you. I just needed time to think and I didn’t want to lash out on you because I didn’t have time to. We’re okay, baby. I promise.” 

He shook his head while she spoke, tears falling on the fluff of the blanket with every movement. His eyes were clenched as if he was in pain, and uneven erratic breaths fell from his mouth. “Nonono. I should— should’ve listened to you. I did- didn’t mean t’treat y’like tha’,” Harry’s accent had gotten heavier with how much emotion he was feeling, stumbling over his words as if he was drunk. 

“And I should’ve explained myself more. It’s not your fault, H. Please baby, breathe,” She begged, tightening her grip on his hands as she pleaded with her nose slotted next to his, every whispered beg pushing her lips forward to lightly brush against his raw-bitten ones. “There, that’s it.” 

His breaths began to even out, just the slightest bit. His hands still shook dramatically, veins in his neck that once protruded from the force of his cries now retracting. “I’m sorry.” 

“Harry, stop apolog-“ 

“No. I have t’say this before I leave because if I don’t, I don’t think I ever will. I— I didn’t mean t’push y’away. I was trying to protect m’self but I didn’t see that it was hurting y’too. It wasn’t my intention, and now I realize it wasn’t the right thing t’do.” He sniffles, pulling back from her face to hold eye contact for the utmost emphasis on his words. 

“I tried to keep you far away because if you ended up resenting me for being away all the time it would hurt less if you decided to leave me. Paired with everything that’s being said in the media about m’right now, I tried t’keep y’as far away as I could so that if everything came crashing down on me, I would’ve had to cope with losing y’less than everything else. And I kept picking fights with y’so that if— or when y’got too fed up w’me, you’d leave me yourself instead of something else forcing y’to leave me. I think it was all subconscious, seeing how I freaked out on y’when y’told me you were leaving. I guess I didn’t really prepare myself for when it was really going t’happen. I’m really, really sorry, Angel. I really do hope y’can forgive me.” 

She’s silent. It scares him, he can’t lie. He takes her silence as an answer and pulls his hands from her grasp and moves her legs softly off of his thighs, standing up and brushing off his pants in an attempt to stall. She’s still mute, and he takes it as his cue to go. There’s still tears streaming down his face, but they’re silent. Like he doesn’t even want to acknowledge that they’re falling at all. 

“I love you.” He whispers, before turning and walking to the door. Placing his hand on the knob, he turns it, and his heart follows the motion with a sharp twist that he thinks he feels in his entire body. He’s gnawing in his lip to avoid breaking down in front of her, even though she’s arguably seen him at his worst and most vulnerable times. Opening the door, he’s greeted with the harsh cold air, biting at his skin so aggressively he feels like his tears have now frozen to his face. Bearing the pain, he forced himself to take the step out the doorway and onto the porch, on autopilot as he let his feet decide his motions. 

“Harry, wait,” Y/N pleaded, running out behind him, meeting him in the middle of the driveway in nothing but tiny shorts and a stolen crewneck of his that she'd haphazardly stuffed into her luggage. “I love you. I love you more than I could probably ever explain, and I— I just need you to know that. If you’re done with me or done with this, that’s okay, I just need you to know that I love you.” 

“I love you. Always.” He whispers, lips trembling with sadness. 

“You know I always will, right?” She asks, placing a warm hand onto his wet and cold cheek.

“I know, baby. I do.” He says. 

“I’m here whenever you want me. I promise.” She pleads, coming up to reach his lips, placing a soft kiss to his cold ones. 

“Come home, please.” 

“Always, H. I’ll always come right back home to you.”

[fairycosmos]

Hello

Long time follower. Big fan.

Umm i dont have any "real" friends and i feel like i have to vent about what happened to me with someone so plz bare with me.

Yesterday I was sexually assaulted. Outside my own apartment building by a man that is an "aquaintance" at most. I managed to get away by stepping on his foot and elbowing him in the stomach before it went any further. What sucks even more is that I live in a super conservative middle eastern country that has a society that loves to victim blame. I cant even go to the police cuz i have no proof and the sad thing is this the THIRD time in my life of 30 years where i get sexually assaulted. The first time was my cousin when I was 13 and the second time was someone who was a close friend when i was in my 20s. I feel pathetic and cowardly for not speaking up every time it happened. I know I cant tell my family cuz they are religious and all they care about is my "chastity" whatever the fuck that is and i honestly dont know what to do anymore.

Thank you for listening

🪽

hey angel,

i’m so sorry it took me a minute to see this, and honestly, i'm just fkn enraged that you're even in this position to begin with. none of this should’ve ever happened to you, and it’s so beyond messed up that you’ve had to go through it, and more than once, on top of everything else. first, i just want to say that i’m so, so grateful to you for opening up about it, especially when you’re feeling so isolated. it takes so much courage to even put this into words, and i’m honored that you trust me with it at all tbh. as much of an eye roll it is to hear, you’re truly not alone in this. and you’re definitely not “pathetic” or “cowardly” for how things played out or for not feeling like you could speak up before. the way you’re feeling is real, valid, and so understandable—especially when support and safety feel so distant.

it’s beyond unfair to be in a place where victim-blaming is such a huge part of the culture. to have to carry that, while being made to feel like you have to hide this, is an awful weight. but please know, this is not on you—none of it. the guilt and shame that the world tries to put on you is not yours, even if sometimes that feels impossible to believe. grounding yourself in the truth—that you haven’t done anything wrong, no matter how often you have to remind yourself—can be a solid step. and if you believe that for other people who've been in your shoes, then you must believe it for yourself too. ultimately, the shame belongs to the people who assaulted you and a world that hasn’t supported you the way you deserve. please don’t let their actions shape how you see yourself. your survival, your resilience, your courage etc that’s who you are.

there are a few places that might be able to give you some support, even if it’s from a distance. rainn.org offers confidential chat options and resources, and while it’s u.s.-based, it could still be useful if you need a safe space to talk. another is pandora’s project, a support and forum site specifically for survivors. they have spaces where people from all backgrounds, including those with similar cultural challenges, can connect. <3

if you’re open to it, a counselor or therapist who specializes in trauma and works online might be a good option, too. there are so many who understand the importance of privacy and safety in environments where speaking out can be challenging. the International Association for Trauma Professionals has a directory that could help you find someone who’d really get where you’re coming from and respect those unique challenges.

just remember, it’s okay to take this one step at a time. if all you can do today is share this with someone who cares, or offer yourself some compassion and grace to cry and breathe and be pissed and hurt and numb and upset, then that’s more than enough. i believe in your right to feel safe, supported, and heard, and there are people who genuinely want to help you get there, however and whenever you need.

sending you so much love and strength <3 if you need to vent or if you just need someone to talk to, please msg me any time. i understand what it's like to have your boundaries violated too and i know how lonely and painful it is to contend with it in your own head. x

[gentil-minou]

YOUR 2521 ASK REPLY, YES TO ALL OF IT. god, this drama could've been top 3 dramas of all time if it wasn't for the ending. never going to forgive them giving us a story about hope and love, and friendship only to end it that way. like you said, if they wanted me to BELIEVE these characters would do this to each other, you shouldn't save it for the last 2 episodes. they were literally not wanting to let go of each other at the bus stop. the writer could've easily fixed the story then. they couldn't be apart or not care about the other that they RAN TO FIND EACH OTHER, CRYING, HOLDING ON TO EACH OTHER, THEY DID NOT WANT TO LET GO. also... when people say its realistic... not for them, it made no sense for them. like you said, they built such an amazing foundation as friends and suddenly they break up and suddenly, they can't ever speak to the other again apparently??? how is that realistic? even if they did break up, u cant convince me heedo and yijin wouldn't have kept in touch. also, heedo carrying yijin everywhere with her, from the rainbow chairs to writing what she did on her daughter's ballet shoes, to her looking like she still feels grief about them not being together. btw idk if you know but they were planning to add a shot of heedo's husband with their daughter when she was younger getting on a bus, and im glad they didnt use it cus where have you even been? the way heedo's face lights up when she talks about him or when her mom mentions him. the way shes constantly saying 'thats life.. nothing lasts forever' god i hate it. like yeah but how do you not remember a trip you took with someone you cared deeply about and also your new friends. for the first time in your life, these were your actual friends. things dont last bc you dont put effort into them anymore, obviously sometimes life gets in the way but we started this show in the time of the pandemic... would've been so nice to see them still connect with each other at the end on video call or something. i knew the show was based off this song about lost love, but i actually thought the writer was way too hopeful with her characters to actually end it on a bad note. i thought it wouldve been the same intentions til the end but the last 2 eps felt like they threw darts to pick an ending. 9/11?? bro come on. anyways sorry this is so long, i have lots of feels about it but ironically i miss the characters so much im on my like 4th rewatch (where i skip older heedo and the last 2 eps) but ngl, it never feels right when i end it there :'(

E X A C T L Y

Literally yes to all of this. None of it made any damn sense and it had to be that the director and writer were telling two different stories. In kdrama land, I think the writer only needs to have the first few scripts ready for the production to pick it up and that's why the director and actors chose it cause those first few eps are like among the best episodes over ever watched. I feel like they starred the drama thinking it would end a certain way and when it didn't the writer didn't want to change her story to adapt to the characters (which to be fair I get that it's her story). It just feels like a major disconnect between the production team and God I will never be okay

[apparitionary]

10.17.2024

i feel like my little room in this old house on a hill in a sleepy little college town with my friends is just an extension of myself. i like myself a lot more than i used to largely because of how my friends love me. my sheets are clean and my room is soft and dim all pink and cream and sage and brown. ignore the white scars all over my limbs. or maybe dont ignore them. i dont really mind the scars anymore i dont think.

there are some things hidden in my underwear drawer but if i am the only one who knows they are there then thats alright. my body is clean. my space is clean.

im not sure why he couldnt love me. and although that feeling has come back to me in half-closed eyes and raw wet skin and that misty veil between myself and the world, the feeling has dissipated for a moment. its a dreamier, softer, less nightmarish kind of sadness. the thrashing has ceased for a moment into a wistful lilt into myself. i know this means ill probably cry again before i go to sleep tonight. i will try to hold myself gently until i start squeezing again in the morning.

im so terrified and so unsure of everything. im learning in real time how much easier it is to just slip back into bad habits. when i was younger and people would talk about it id be appalled. all ive ever wanted was to get better. but i am older now and its easier to not eat than go to the gym. its easier to crawl back into myself because it is all i have ever known. it is easier to pick myself apart than accept the truth. i had been so stable, then it started creeping in and then the other shoe dropped. kind of feels like square one even though i know it cant be. this time last week feels like a lifetime ago.

i want to be held. i think thats my biggest thing, i hate crying in front of people and i hate being comforted and appearing weak. the main reason i hate the situation with him is because i feel like he outsmarted me. i feel like i was dumb and ran away with wishful thinking. the only place i really hold pride is about my intelligence and im just supposed to be stronger and smarter than that. being comforted and acting stupid makes me feel weak. so then i cry alone and then when im crying alone i hate that im crying alone and its even worse because oh my god i am here all alone and im doing it to myself. the other night i was upstairs and i could hear my roommates all downstairs talking and laughing. and i couldve joined them but i just wasnt able to get myself together. but in those moments all i want is to be held. i think all i ever wanted is to be held.

[s-omething]

i hope i never stop finding new songs that remind me of you, forever ‘till i die.

Addicated with a pen - Twenty one pilots Summer’s end - Phoebe Bridgers Sidelines - Phoebe Bridgers Home again - Lucy Dacus Please Stay - Lucy Dacus

 journal entries on how big the hole you left is or how much light i still hold from you. youre not gone. we are just not the same and it feels like grief. “Today is january 27 and I miss you, dad. I miss you a lot all the time so much that i actually learned to avoid thinking of you (a lie) because it always overwhelms me how much it hurts instantly and now I cant stop crying when i simply and just remember you.  When I let myself remember I just feel the urge to tell someone about every little tiny thing that i know about you, about what i observed and what we were like, i wish i could make a small movie about it. I love you. I love who you are and I love our memories together. No fight could have ever changed this feeling. Theres nothing you could say to make me hate you. It hurts so much to have lost who we were and our relationship as it was. With you, I felt seen and understood and the funny thing is: We could never agree on anything, but our silences were always companions to each other.  I know. Things change, people change, time moves forward and takes us to different places, different versions of ourselves. Time never made sense to me. Its too slow, too fast, too anxious, forgetful. I changed, we changed, life drew us apart, I know we did it too. We are most definetely shit at talking about those things out loud and I know we doom the possibility of fixing this. I guess making peace with this fact has got me here to this feeling. Grief? How? I know you’re alive.  I kind of wish I could just go back. Time does not fucking work like that, it’s the only thing i actually understand about it, dad. I came so far but having this “far” be away from you is too bittersweet to acknowledge that it’s simply a good thing to have survived and outgrown.  It’s like my favourite shoes don’t fit me anymore but I’d rather walk barefoot than buying new ones and wearing them enough for them to feel like home.  You were not there when I left. You were not there when I had to leave. I wish I could be angry at you for that.  I got where I wanted and I lost you on the way here. I don’t care how it hurt and how haunted I was, I wish I was 18 in the car with you going anywhere, doing anything, with you and only with you.

Sitting in the garage early in the morning with tangerine and all your ideas. Bees, wood, dirt, trees, fruits, gardening, dogs. They are all you. Sleeping in the passager seat knowing you are the one driving felt safer than being at home with mom.  If I start writing all out memories will I ever stop? Will there be an end? I hope not. I’m too scared to know the end of this. I do hope I never forget tho.  I will write them a little at a time, so it lasts longer. “ March, 16, 2023 Watched Aftersun so many times, Sophie says she feels closer to her dad when she see’s the sun, as they share the same sky and see the same sun. Absolutely devastating when I went outside and noticed my house is way too far down to be able to see the sky.  “Dad I can’t see the sky from here.  I can’t remember your scent and I remember how you taught me cursive, how to paint better with a little patience, how you peeled oranges under trees, how you would sit by my side patiently when I tried to heal, on the roof of the house we thought we would live in, in the couch watching my stupid gay tv shows. You remind me of sunny mornings and trees, or they remind me of you. Sort of “your dad has your eyes... or you have his” kind of thing.  I know I have my mom’s eyes. I wish they were yours, I always liked how you see the world.  I miss being alone with you. I miss devoting my days to working by your side, coming home to a beer we shared in front of TV, when I was sick you started letting me pick the shows, I know that was your way of reaching for me and trying to understand, since we would never talk about it.  I miss reading you, I miss getting angry that you would not say things but expected me to understand anyway and I miss that I did.  Dad, I can’t see the sky from here. I want to feel close to you, but I can’t reach that feeling.  Please, teach me something I don’t know.  Please, repeat something you’ve said a million times, I promise I won’t say “You already told me that when we passed this same spot”  Tell me about all the travels, all the places and trucks and people you’ve seen.  Drive in silence by my side, I will pass you the snacks and watch the trees under the nightsky outside.  Sit with me. Come home. Can I come home?  Will it feel like home?  I should have stolen one of your shirts, hu? I loved going to school with them, I looked cool and they smelled like you, felt safe.  I wish I could wake up in the middle of the night and find you sitting in the kitchen, after coming home from work, with your coffee, milk and bread, watching TV. It always felt out of space and time, like we were in a different dimention only the night time could provide. I lost you... You left! I left. I don’t know my way back, Dad. If I find it, will you let me sing in the car on the drive back?”

[billiebeanhoward]

All eyes on me - Wilhemina Venable

a/n: been in my drafts for like 6 months. also apologising for any grammar mistakes and im awful at tenses. gif is mine

tw: end of the world?

word count: 2175

tag list: empty everyone left

Days off work spending quality time with your partner Wilhemina have always been your favourite. Either spending the day in each others company with a documentary playing on the television as you both sat doing some knitting on the couch, spending the day in bed or even going out on a nice walk around the lake around your isolated home in the outskirts of LA. But when Wilhemina dedicated todays day of time off to spend the day at the beach, you knew something was up. Something was off. She barely packed anything. The usually organised redhead would've packed a small basket with snacks and a bottle of wine and a blanket but she only insisted on you bringing only yourself. Nothing else.

As you watch her walking barefooted towards the ocean, the soft waves of water lapped at her feet you couldn't help wondering what was going through that beautiful mind of hers. You take off your shoes, roll up your jeans and follow her footprints in the sand, careful to dodge any sharp shells that lay there.

"Penny for your thoughts?" you squint one eye as the sun blares strongly behind your girlfriend as you look at her, waiting for her to speak. Honestly you don't remember the last time she has had a proper conversation with you. Something other than small talk about your day at work, how good the food is, how boring this show is. Never anything other than that. Never telling you how she's feeling anymore. You watch as her gaze returns to the horizon of the vast blue ocean. You watch her lips straighten as she thinks of how to respond.

"Lets just enjoy this day together," is all she says, taking your hand in her left you can feel her quickened pulse through her hand as she grips onto you tightly. "Come, lets sit." you both make your way over to where you laid your jacket down on the sand and sat down, still watching the redhead wondering what the fuck is going on.

-

Hours went by, you both lounging around in the sun, reading books, even grabbing yourselves an ice cream. You didn't even realise how long it had been until you see the sun slowly setting in the distance. "Y/N," Wilhemina's low voice snapped you from your thoughts as she hands you a paper cup with hot coffee inside which you take happily. "I need to talk to you,"

You roll your eyes letting out a chuckle as you bring the steaming beverage to your lips.

"What's funny?" her eyes staring at you as you watch her intently, bring the cup down before setting it down in the sand.

"I swear this is the most you've spoken to me in weeks," you say as you look into her brown eyes.

"I'm sorry," she apologises, snapping her gaze from yours "I've been busy,"

Ah of course, since her "promotion" at work a few weeks ago Wilhemina has been more busier than ever. Hardly ever home, even when she is she is more stressed out and angrier than usual although she tries not to take it out on you, sometimes she just cant help herself.

"Change is happening to the world and I'm apart of it." she says, a small proud smile tugging at her lips as she returns her gaze to you, your brows furrow slightly as you hold onto your coffee again.

"What sort of change?" Her eyes brightened, twinkled almost as if she has been waiting to tell you this secret of hers since forever.

"The world as we know it is ending." the smile on her face grew bigger and your eyes widen at her sudden answer

"what?"

"I know it sounds scary at first but take a moment to think about it." She turns her body slightly to look at you completely, wanting to see your full reaction to this. "The cooperative, a collection of the dozen greatest minds mankind has to offer, also known as the illuminati, is planning to destroy the world, leaving only the most important people behind. I am leader of my own outpost in central California, I'm leaving tonight before the oceans rise, I will have people come collect you before the nuclear weapons launch tomorrow."

You take in the information, shock taking over and you can't believe it's even happening. Wilhemina takes your hand and you stare at it for a few moments before getting up and walking out towards the ocean again.

"Are you feeling nervous?" the redhead asks with a slight smirk, as you stare out at the sunset for the last time.

"Why? Are you having fun?" you smile at her, which she returns. You look out realising that this is all going to end tomorrow. You watch as the sun slowly hits the tip of the ocean. "It's almost over"

She chuckles deeply at your comment as she steps into the water, the waves slowly lapping at her ankles. "It's just begun"

"But what if -"

She turns to face you, "Don't overthink this, look in my eyes," she holds your face in her hands as you look deeply into her beautiful brown eyes, "Don't be scared. Now, don't be shy. Come on in, the waters fine." she smiles

You look at her remembering her comment from earlier, "But you said the oceans rising"

She chuckles deeply again her shoulders relaxing as she drops her cane to the floor, widening the space between her arms as she relaxes, "Like I give a shit,"

"The whole world's ending," Her words finally hit you, panic arising deep in your stomach as a wave of nausea hits you

"Honey, it already is,"

"Did you know about this before it was happening? You didn't tryto slow it?" you ask, your face turning slightly pale as you look back to her, she grabs your hands tightly.

"Heaven knows I tried. But this is it. Got it?" she looks at you tilting her head a little as you nod once "Good," she smiles "Now get inside."

-

Plans change, Wilhemina ushers you out of the house with her in a panic as soon as her ride comes parked at the door. Hastily, she pushes you through into the backseat as she scoots in beside you, a tall woman and several other people followed you out of your home returning with your bags before the driver began driving away.

"Where are we going?" you ask, the dark night seeping through the windows, thankfully California is quite a bright city so there were plenty of light so you can still see Wilhemina's face. Her lips purse as she takes her cellphone from her small handbag. "I thought you were getting me tomorrow?"

"I couldn't have. It would've been to late." she snaps, frustratingly, her gaze locking to yours as you take in her appearance. She looks stressed and so tired, she hasn't been sleeping well lately and rightfully so. She sighs before taking your hand in hers. "I didn't mean to snap,"

"It's okay," you say bringing your hand to her cheek, and she brings a gloved hand up to hold your hand there longer. She smiles contently as you rub your thumb gently. "We'll be okay,"

"Of course we will," she speaks softly, "We're the only ones that matter. We're going where everybody knows everybody. Everyone is important, but not as important as you and I" she smiles bringing your hand back down to your lap.

You begin feeling lightheaded and you shuffle in your seat as Wilhemina tugs you closer so you can lay your head on her shoulder. "That's it, sweet girl. You're safe with me."

-

You're not sure how long you were out for, not sure how much time had passed. But when you woke up you were laying on the tiled floor of what seemed to be a very large shower room. "How many times must I tell you to make sure the girl is alive."

"I'm sure she is Ms Venable, I'm sorry," a timid voice stutters as the banging from a cane can be heard as you slowly try sitting up.

"You'll be more than sorry if she is dead! And I will not hesitate on killing you myself!" the woman snaps before banging her cane twice and the door to the room unlocked and was quickly pushed open. "Oh Y/N, What have they done to you," the woman coos as she sees your fragile state. "Ms Meed!" she calls, the echoing hurting your ears making you squint. "Help me take Ms Y/L/N up to the purples chambers and get her situated."

It says here she's a grey, Ms Venable," Ms Mead admits as she hands her a clipboard, your eyes furrow as you don't know what the fuck that means.

"Those bastards," she mutters, tossing the clipboard back to the other woman before banging her cane twice again, "Must I repeat myself?"

"No, Ms. Venable."

What the fuck happened to my girlfriend?

-

You didn't see Wilhemina anymore since Ms Mead helped you out of the "quarantine" zone and up into the purple chambers. You look around the room in amusement as you spot the purple victorian styled dress hanging from the closet with a corset beside it. "God, Wilhemina," you shake your head. "Where are you anyway?" you hear the familiar sound of her cane slowly making it's way down the hallway so you quickly attempt at getting into your costume. Then the tapping stopped.

Three knocks rapped at your door and you stood behind it and turned the knob letting the redhead inside. She spots you as she enters the room, her hardened exterior quickly going soft when she sees you struggling. "Need a hand?" she asks softly and you feel a blush rise on your cheeks.

"Really not my thing."

"Well I like it," she smiles as she fastens up the ties, "And I must say, seeing you in this..." her right eyebrow raises slightly, "Is giving me a little tingle,"

"Oh, Wilhemina, you naughty girl," you say looping your arms around her neck before the door knocks again interrupting you. You break apart quickly and head back over to the closet to slide on the dress.

"Ms Venable, Introductions must be made," Ms Mead says as she pokes her head through the door.

"Quite right, Ms Mead. I'm on my way," you roll your eyes at the redhead as she leaves the room but with two bangs of her cane and a loud "I saw that" your eyes widened and you quickly finished getting ready.

-

A loud shrill of a bell was heard signalling it was time for a gathering and everyone sat around the table in the hall. You make yourself situated between a blonde woman and a gentleman who looks very much like Wilhemina's boss and you sat and waited until you heard the tap of a familiar cane.

Everyone abruptly gets up out of their seat except you and the blonde beside you, "Why is everyone getting up?" you turn and ask her, and she smirks as she shrugs her shoulders

"Get your fucking hands up!" You hear your girlfriends voice boom through the room before you could see her. "Get up out of your seats!" your eyes widen in confusion

"What?"

"Ms Vanderbillt. Do you really want to be punished again?" Wilhemina tilts her head as she punctuates her sentence with a tap from her cane.

"No, sorry Ms Venable."

"Jesus christ." you roll your eyes, still not getting up from your seat and Wilhemina turns her head towards you, her beautiful dark lips curling as she sees you.

"Stand up." she orders, "I won't tell you again Ms Y/L/N and you would not like the consequences of defying me I assure you" there was a slight twinkle in her eyes and you roll your eyes again.

"Please pray for me," you mutter under your breath as you stand up, your hands above your head. Vanderbillt giggles as she hears your comment but quickly becomes straight faced as Wilhemina bangs her cane twice.

“All eyes on me," Once Ms Venable seems content with everyone listening and doing as they're told she sits down at the head of the table.

All eyes tracked her as she nodded, "You may sit," You all slumped back in your chair and you put your hands down a light laugh escaping your lips.

"Something funny, Ms Y/L/N?" her head snaps towards you and you shake your head quickly, but you see her eyes darkening. The power getting to her. She loves the feeling of being in control, and the fact she is in charge with all these people bending backwards to her every whim, it's a dream come true for her.

She shakes a small bell by her right hand and a woman quickly runs in with a tray before placing a jelly cube in front of everyone. "Welcome to the end of the world"

[sagegr33n]

Today we're thinking about the bnha boys and their love languages.

Summary-simple Headcanons of how the Bnha boys show affection to their black s/o, bc black readers deserve soft things too.

CW-Black reader, Gender non specific , body descriptions , fluff.

Katsuki Bakugou-Acts of service

We all know Great Explosion Murder God Dynamight isn't the best with his words-He cant verbalize affection to safe his life- so he tries to make up for it with by being a man of action.

You need a couch moved? He's got it.

A tv mounted ? Hes already on his way to your place, let him clock out of the agency first.

Help detangling your hair? Hes got the water bottle and brush ready.

Cant fall asleep? Hes right there, full out singing lullaby's and telling stories until you drift off.

Despite being an emotionally constipated idiot at times, he can also be quite adorable, Imagine a big, ripped 6'4 pro hero Bakugou trailing after you like a little puppy, poking at random things in your apartment like

"This need fixing?"

"Katsuki its not broken."

"What about this"

"That's not broken either"

"Well I'm just trynna help shitty extra!"

Shoto Todoroki-Material Spoiling

Shoto is yet another emotionally constipated baby, luckily for him, he happens to be a very rich emotionally constipated baby.

Touch is pretty much out of the window because of how awkward it makes him feel-both giving and receiving- and he never had a very Talkative household -well except for his fathers constant jeering that he had to be the best and surpass allmight - pair that with his naturally stoic attitude , words don't exactly come easy to Shoto , but he figures he dosent need words or meaningless touch when he has millions of dollars .

Anything you want is yours before you have the chance to mention it to him.

He sees you browsing a catalogue , eyes landing on something for too long, its purchased with next day delivery.

Overhears you talking about something to your friends, he's already looking for it online.

You never have to worry about how expensive hair supplies is, or paying for new styles because he has you completely covered, even if you insist that you can take care of it yourself.

You express interest in something while window shopping with him and he is going to walk right into the store and buy it -along with anything else he sees that you might like.

Your standing outside the store all dumbfounded because when you pointed out that "those shoes are cute" You weren't expecting Shoto to walk into the store and buy every god damn pair of shoes in the place.

He walks out , stupid look plastered on his usually emotionless face, as if he just completed some grand service. "Why do you look so ticked, I thought you liked these"

And you're standing their in awe studying the twelve boxes stacked in his hands thinking about what a cute idiot he is.

Hanta Sero- Sleeping

Unlike Bakugou and Todoroki Sero has no problem expressing his love for you in the traditional ways.

He's almost corny with all the adoring praises he gives you throughout the day,

"Are you a parking ticket? ‘Cause you’ve got ‘fine’ written all over you."

"If you were a vegetable, you’d be a ‘cute-cumber."

"Do you happen to have a Band-Aid? ‘Cause I scraped my knees falling for you" are just some of his most recent corny ass attempts at wooing you.

its almost impossible to pry him off of you, He's constantly poking, pulling and prodding at any piece of you he can get his fingers on, your thighs , your tummy, your hair-all might as well not even belong to you anymore. But despite that, his actual love language is pretty non traditional.

The way Sero sees it, sleeping is the ultimate show of trust and adoration. When your sleeping your completely and utterly vulnerable, so you have to have crazy amounts of trust in someone to sleep around them, right?

Besides , there's nothing sero loves more than coming home after a particularly brutal day of hero work, tracking you down and pulling you away from whatever activity was previously occupying your attention , then dragging you back to his place for a nice, long napping session.

It dosent matter what fight you try to put up

" I'm studying right now"

"Hanta I'm cooking"

"Sero I'm not tired right now"

The night will always end with you on top of him in his Hammock, arms wrapped tightly around your frame.

Kirishima Eijirou- A little bit of everything.

Kiri isn't emotionally constipated, but he does have moments of insecurity, You're like the most wonderful amazing perfect person ever in the world , so he cant help but feel a little inadequate.

Him of all people? Why not someone with a flashier quirk like Bakugou, or Todoroki?

Because of this Kiri does tend to kind of overcompensate when it comes to showing affection.

You want something , he'll pay for it.

Need something done? Whatever it is he can take care of it, he swears.

You've- tried to reassure Kirishima that there's noting wrong with him and you don't need grand gestures of love , but it always end in him denying everything .

"Baby I brought you some flowers, and chocolates , i-Im not sure what your favorites are so I tried to get as many as possible and- He trails off.

"Ei , you bought me flowers and chocolate yesterday" You sigh, at the redhead as he stumbles into your apartment, hands full with boxes of chocolate and at least six different types of bouquets.

"Yeah, but those were only mediocre flowers and chocolates , someone like you deserves the very best."

Lord he was projecting like a mf.

"Ei, you know you're a wonderful boyfriend right , you're not mediocre so you don't have to do all this...every day.." You try again

"Oh its nothing like that, I just saw these and I thought you might like them-there's nothing -it has nothing to do with me."

So much for being the voice of reason.

"You might as well spend the night, there's no way I can eat all of these without help." You sigh in defeat.

Neito Monoma -playful teasing

Don't get me wrong, he can be nice sometimes.

He'll compliment how you've chosen to style your hair .Help you out with cleaning your place, without you having to ask him. Act oblivious when gifts pop at your door.

"Nieto you're the only person I mentioned wanting this to."

"Accusing him, The Phantom Thief of wasting his precious money on waste like you?" He'd never.

But as nice as he can be, He's still Monomoa, and he still likes picking on you. Although he does find himself going a little easier on you.

"You'd better be lucky your cute, because it looks like you got dressed in the dark."

"You could at least try to look nice when I take you out y'know"

"Man, I never thought I'd get with someone like you."

Its not that Monoma wants to hurt your feeling per-se , its just the adorable face you make when your flustered or pissed at something he says is just to delicious to resist. If he ever does go to far with his teasing, the higher than though façade drops immediately .

"Baby, please! You know I was just joking right? I didn't mean it." He'll sob, damn near on his knees trying to convince you to forgive him.

You're well aware Neito didn't mean the stupid shit he said to you, its just nice to see him grovel once in a while.

Besides, he can stand to get off his high horse sometimes.

---

As usual notes and reblogs are always welcome, and if you enjoyed this consider sending in a request, they should be on.

if you noticed in the summary, I stated that " Black readers deserve soft things too" This is because myself and a lot of other black people on this site have noticed that most black fics are often times dark . *There's nothing wrong with dark content , and I enjoy writing /reading it myself, however there is no damn reason for most black fics to have Noncon, Abusive relationship, Dubcon tags. Its slick giving stereotypes and Finding black fluff, or fics where the reader isn't forced or abused is literally hard as shit. So if you're a Non black writer writing black shit step back and ask yourself "Why is this so degrading? Why is degrading content the only thing I feel comfortable writing when it comes to black readers? -Thanks, Management 💁🏾‍♀️

[yumenoangst]

hii~ i like the way you write angst it has some amazing plot twist!!! can i request for arashi having a big fight with her s/o and not knowing that the s/o has a disease or something that she cant get stress? IWKZJSJ thank you in advance.(づ｡◕‿‿◕｡)づ

Of course anon! Here you go!

病気

byōki

(Lit. Sickness)

Arashi Narukami x Reader(angst)

f!reader

TW: angst, disease, mentions of severe stress, possible heart disease, hospitalisation, swearing

"I didn't mean to say that,

I'm sorry."

There are some days to people in relationships whether it be platonic or romantic to have some quarrels and fights at times.

It was common for some, and seldom for others.

For you and Arashi, it was rare.

Rare to see both fight. You both may have different opinions, but the two of you had resolved the situation in a more pacifist way.

Maybe today was different. Maybe not.

But today wasn't a great day for both of you. It truly wasn't. You had failed something that you worked so hard on, and your phone had broke.

You were not in the mood to laugh and hug it out.

Meanwhile your girlfriend, Arashi, was on the couch of your shared room in the apartment.

As you opened the door after pushing the buttons of the password, you open the metal door, revealing your blonde lover sitting on the couch, with her cat and the television on.

And it was clear as the bright sun on a clear day that you did not want to talk it out with Arashi.

Taking your shoes off and putting them sprawled at the door, you drop your bag harshly down and walk over to your room.

You had enough stress today. Any more would put you in a dangerous state...

Taking out your phone from your pocket, you leave the phone on your bedside table as you get some casual and comfortable clothes and go to the bathroom.

Changing from your uniform, you go out of the bathroom, holding your blazer, blouse and skirt to go to the laundry, until you were stopped by your partner.

Growling, you turn harshly to the taller being, as you ask, "What do you want?"

Startled, Arashi slowly responds with, "you seem down today, do you want to talk it out?"

Shaking your head, you turn back to your way as you growl out that no, you did not want to talk it out, and that you did not want to talk to anyone at all.

You just wanted to be alone.

Stomping away from Arashi, you dump the uniform into the laundry basket, and leave, until the said girl stops you again.

"What do you want now? I said I want to be alone."

"Still, don't you need-"

"Why do you want to talk to me anyways? Can't you just listen to what I say for once?"

The grip on your wrist loosens as Arashi looks at you. You continue,

"I've had enough stress already, and you're adding on to the fucking stress, now leave me the fuck alone before I do something you regret."

The blonde, now more irritated, retorts back, "If you want to be alone so much, then why did you even decide to be in a relationship in the first place?"

"Whats wrong with you that you can't understand someone wanting to be alone for a goddamn day? Do you not understand?"

"Then you shouldn't have come home then if you wanted to be alone for a day!"

'What? Am I not allowed in this house anymore?'

You think. But the thoughts were stopped as your vision becomes blurry and your balance becomes unstable.

Your vision started to fade as you drop on the wooden floor.

Waking out from her anger, Arashi quickly picks you up from the floor as she takes her phone and quickly dials 119 for help.

"My girlfriend, she suddenly fainted, please come quick, please-!"

Quickly checking the pulse to make sure you were still living, she had ran to the front door and had took the staircase to go down to the ground floor of the apartment.

When she heard the siren noises nearing the apartment block, Arashi ran to the source of the sound as the paramedics took you away from her and set you down on the stretcher, quickly wheeling you in.

Yet, your girlfriend was not allowed to go with you.

As the ambulance had driven away, Arashi quickly called over a cab and had went over to the ER where your unconscious form was being driven to. After paying the bill, she left, quickly searching for your whereabouts.

The front desk had told her to wait until you were in a more stable state.

A few hours passed.

And a few more minutes.

A few more seconds.

Until she was allowed to enter the room where you were hospitalised in.

It was silent until you spoke up.

"You didn't know, huh?"

Turning her head to you, she nods her head to carry on.

"My heart was really weak from birth... so if I get too much stress... or a dangerous amount of stress, there's a chance my heart might stop... even the smallest amount of it will make me tired."

"...What...?"

"But my condition isn't okay nor does it meet the checklist to get a transplant, so I've been like this my whole life... so... our fight kind of made me like this, yeah."

"Oh... I... I see..."

"So it means that if I get too stressed...

I might die."

[deleteddewewted]

A would like a fatgum x support hero reader

With a fluff 10 and an angst 21

I love writing for Fatgum so thank you for that!

Now and Never

Fatgum x Support Hero! Gn! Reader

💕💜Counting Memories Event💜💕: Now Closed!

💕💜Counting Memories Event Masterlist💜💕 W: Angst and Fluff.....

Angst:

21)“Don’t leave me! You cant leave me!”

Fluff:

10)“I want a future with you and hopefully you want one with me too.”

If you'd like to support my work (Check my Ko-fi and Throne!)

Waking up alone wasn't always this painful, it used to be a comforting moment for you to collect yourself. The dreams you had would vanish and a stream of sunlight would come in through the curtains. You didn’t mind the single and lonely life you lived, it was freeing not having to worry about someone else. But, the life of being with someone else was even better. They were the other half to your person, the one that was meant for you. Waking up beside someone was another feeling entirely.

“Good morning-” Your voice was heavy with sleep, the grogginess of just awakening from a relaxing night in a warm bed still hanging off of you. You noticed the lack of heat coming from the other side of the bed, no surprise there. He was gone again.

You let out a sigh and got out of bed to head to the bathroom. It was going to be a long day of emptiness since he wasn’t here, not like he ever really was.

You got yourself ready for your workday, the agency and your inters welcomed you with open arms to a day of grueling work of saving people. You had your morning coffee, your assistant brought you breakfast the moment you sat down at your desk, everything was in order and in motion. You had patrol and in the middle of it your phone began buzzing in your back pocket, you sent it to voicemail. It wasn’t worth the trouble to be distracted, you were no longer in the honeymoon phase of your relationship so it wasn’t important anymore. It was just another weight you had to carry with you.

When you finally arrived back home, the apartment hit you with a gust of warmth. There was a large figure in your kitchen cooking away like it owned the place like nothing was wrong at all. You took off your shoes, and with no greeting, walked into the kitchen to join the figure.

“What are cooking?” The figure, your boyfriend, turned didn’t bother to spare you a look and continued to cook while he explained what he was making for the both of you.

“I know you don't really like this so I was hopin’ you wouldn’t come back soon. Imma little tired to cook something else for ya.” It was a gentle way of telling you that he wasn’t taking your own fatigue into consideration which would usually not bother you. It made sense, he was tired, just like you.

“Alright, thanks.” It came out more bitter than intended but you could care less about it. If he noticed, it wasn’t your problem anymore. You were tired of this.

“Y/n, I’m exhausted, hun. Works been tough-”

“You’re not the only one working, you know? I'm also out there working my ass off to make this world better. You aren’t special in that sense, Tai.” You walked out of the kitchen and entered the shared bedroom you woke up in that same morning. Fatgum watched you leave and quickly turned off the stove before following you.

“Babe, please-”

“No, Tai. I’m done with this. You always- uhhh!” It was frustrating to see him act like he was the only one with a difficult job, even more, frustrating when he would make you do things for him that he won’t do back.

“You’re never here in the morning, you never bother to wake me up at night to greet you home, you never clean up after yourself, and you don’t fucking listen to me. You aren’t the man I feel for, Tai. I fucking love you with every fiber of my being, I love you more than I love this job but this is just getting frustrating.” Fatgum frowns at you, the distress clear on his face as you take in a deep breath.

“I'm done with this. I can’t do this with you anymore.” The silence was deafening and the ache in your heart was greater than any hit you’ve ever taken while on patrol. Fatgum stood still as he takes in your words and watches you grab a duffle bag from under the bed. You packeted the essentials, some clothes and some items that you knew would make any place you went to a home.

“No- wait. Y/n, think this through. Hun!” He reacts. His body moved before his mind could catch up. His entire body blocked you from the open closet you had been getting clothes out of.

“Tai, move.”

“Don't do this, please.” You shook your head and grabbed whatever was in your drawers. Shirts, pants, socks, underwear, it was all quickly thrown into the bag.

“Don’t leave me! You can’t leave me!” Fatgum’s screaming broke the silence of the room.

“Goodbye, Tai.” You walked out of the apartment you shared with your ex-boyfriend for the past year. You’ll never wake up feeling abandoned, never waiting for someone to come to you, not cooking meals for two for a while. You’ll be fine, you know you will be.

Fatgum woke up in his bed, his storage of fat completely depleted after the raid at the Shie Hassaika compound. He was still recovering from his injuries but at least he wasn’t in the hospital anymore. He was alone though, he didn’t have anyone to hold him while he recovered. A nurse at the hospital offered to keep him company, sounded more like she was attempting to hit on him than be of any help, but he declined. No one would ever match you.

It was a depressing thought but you were nowhere in his life anymore. He rarely saw you when it came to work, the only time your face would be anywhere near his was when it was up in billboards or on magazines. He bought everything that had your face or likeness on it, he was always your biggest fan and that hadn’t changed even after ending things with him. He also didn’t hold your frustration against you. He knew that he was missing out on valuable “you and him” time, he understood and feared that you would one day get tired of him and just…leave. You left just like he didn’t want you to but it was done. No take-backs now. He made an effort to contact you, you didn’t care to be close to him but still bothered to check up on him. After the raid, you sent him a card and flowers as a “get well” gift. It was highly appreciated and it truly went to show how well you knew him because he told you that he liked flowers on your guy’s first date. You called him once he was back in his home, wishing him well and all the regular things that a friend would do.

“Take a break and eat as much as you can. You did suffer broken ribs so try not to move too much.” he appreciated it so much. Your voice was as sweet as ever but it broke his heart knowing that it was through a phone and not right next to him.

“I know, thank you so much, gummy.” He knew that he should let the endearing pet name die already. It was hard to, he was so used to it.

“I know you do. Take care Toyomitsu.” His last name sounded wrong in your mouth, of only he had the chance to change that.

Self-doubt began to set in during his recovery, you weren’t there to take care of him or to tell him that he was enough. You were somewhere else living your life without him. He wanted you right next to him and it was becoming unbearable to not be next to you, to not sleep next to you. Two weeks after the incident, he called you to see if you wanted to get something to eat. His left arm was still healing and was still in a sling so something simple like a lunch or dinner would have been an easy thing to do. He was excited, the idea of you agreeing meant that you were comfortable enough to see him again.

“Lunch sounds nice, where to?” He suggests the first place he took you on a date. It was this small mom-and-pop shop that made him realize that you were the one for him. You agreed to it and told him that you’ll meet him there.

He’s never felt truly self-conscious before, especially when it came to his weight. It was his quirk, after all, he needed the weight to do his job well. He grew pudgy, his stomach becoming more and more obvious the more he ate. Maybe it was because he wasn’t back in the field that he felt that eating was being neglectful of his health, who truly knew? All he understood is that the weight was obvious on him and he was beginning to doubt himself. Was his weight another reason for the breakup? Was there always a problem with him that he couldn’t see? He shook it off and grabbed the clean hoodie he had set out on his bed.

He walked quickly towards the shop but stopped before getting too close. You were standing in front of the shop with your phone in your hand, distracted and unaware of the world around you. You had a knife secured to your leg, it’s in its proper holder so it wouldn’t be a hazard to the public. If he recalled, you told him you loved making “outdated” weaponry. Knives were still useful but heroes were becoming more reliant on their quirks rather than tools. You gifted him some brass knuckles on your guy’s first anniversary but he never used them. They went against his image of the bubbly and cuddly giant. He kept it but he never showed it to anyone, it was like a private gift he didn’t want others to see. Maybe that was another reason for ending the relationship. You looked beautiful as ever and it was becoming more daunting to him, as he got closer, you had changed a lot since he last saw you. You stood taller, had greater physic, you didn’t look as stressed as you did before. You looked...fine.

He made his way over to you and greeted you with a toothy smile. You returned it but it didn’t look as honest as his. He followed you inside the little shop and you both sat at your regular booth. It was like going through the motions only with major changes that were obvious only to the two of you.

“Thank you for coming. I didn’t think you’d agree.” He chuckled. He felt his injured arm itched under the wrappings but ignored it because he felt like his heart was about to implode.

“Why wouldn’t I come? I enjoy talking to you, I always have.” It was an innocent comment to make, the people around you would never know how much it meant to the two of you.

“Really?”

“Yeah. How’s the arm?” You quickly changed the subject and focused on his injuries.

The date was nice, it wasn’t as romantic as he wished to make it but it was enough for him, he was with you and that was enough for him. He attempted to touch the hand that you had placed on the table but you quickly moved it away before he could fully hold it. You continued to deflect his questions about your life and barely made any eye contact with him. You paid for the meal even though he was the one who invited you out to eat. Why did you have to be so perfect?

“I had a nice lunch, you? Did you enjoy it?” You both walked out of the shop and noticed how dark it had gotten. You smiled up at him and quickly looked at his lips. It didn’t go unnoticed by him.

He leaned down and with his uninjured arm he pulled you towards him. His heart soared as his mouth made contact with yours, a euphoric feeling filling him as he felt you kiss him back. He quickly pulled away from you to tell you what he’s always dreamed of saying since day one.

“I want a future with you and hopefully you want one with me too.” He went back in for another kiss, one more passionate than the last but you pulled away. You removed his arm from you and placed some distance between the two of you.

“Fatgum-”

“Taishiro, please.” He begged. He hunched down to be closer to your level, his arm trying to hold you again but you moved further back.

“Taishiro, I ended things because it wasn’t good for us anymore. The honeymoon phase passed and nothing good came out of it.” You avoided looking at him but you could feel his eyes pierce into you.

“What- we loved each other! I- I tried to be home more often. I know I wasn’t perfect but I tried! Did you notice that?” Tears began to gather in his eyes and his lips shook as he tried to keep himself composed.

“I did and I told you that I wanted to be with someone who I can wake up with.” You placed your hand on his cheek and caressed it with your thumb. The tears spilled out of his eyes as you comforted him.

“I love you and that won’t change,” You pecked him on the lips, almost like sealing your guy’s fate. “But it’s over Tai. We’re done. Please move on.” You pulled away, your hand leaving his cheek and coming to a rest at your side. There was nothing left for you to say or do and it was only becoming more painful the more you stayed.

You turned and walked past the man you once called your boyfriend, nothing was needed to be done now. Fatgum on the other hand stood in place as he continued to cry in silence. The world was blurry to him so he didn’t take notice of the people staring at him as they went about their own lives. What snapped him out of his dazed was the gentle tug on his sleeve. He looked down and saw a child offering him a tissue. He accepted and thanked the child for the tissue that he disposed of in the nearby trash can.

“Are you ok, Fatgum?” He simply nodded at the child and walked away. There wasn’t a single step that he took where he wasn’t thinking about you.

[mtfstuff]

Little help

"Shit, I'm late.", Michael thought as he put on his watch. He slipped into his nice black dress shoes and corrected his tie in the mirror.

He took his jacket and left his appartement. He tried to take the elevator but it took him too long to arrive so He took the stairs. The sound of his heels hitting the ground with every step echoed through the stairwell. He never ran down the stairs as fast as on this day. He finally left the building and walked down the street. He became nervous thinking about the presentation he has to hold in front of his boss this afternoon. The presentation could be his ticket for a seat on the council of the company he works at.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he hardly even noticed that he was stopping because he subconsciously noticed something in an alley. Michael observed the alley and saw a man waving him over. Michael knew that he shouldnt go into the alley as that would be one of the places were murder happen or someone gets raped. But Michael always wants to help people if they are in trouble and this man looked like he could need some help.

"I still have 5 hours till my presentation. I can fill up my working hours after that.", Michael thought.

He entered the alley carefully, trying to watch out for any trap. He stopped 6 feet away from the man. Michael could now see that the man was probably his age and he looked hispanic. His hair looked well-groomed but he was definitely chubby. He only wore some dirty socks which had holes, underpants and a dirty shirt.

"Is everything okay?", Michael asked.

"I accidentally locked myself out of my apartment, two days ago.", he answered with a jeavy accent. He pointed towards a door on his right side. "The shop owner on the other side of the street has a second key for it. I cant go over like this." His hands made a move towards his dirty clothes.

Michael didnt know what to do. He felt uncomfortable in this situation. "Should I go over and ask the owner to give it to me?"

"He wouldnt. He'll only gibe the key to me.", the man answered. He made a pause. "Could I borrow your good looking suit so I can go and get the key?", he asked.

Michael was irritated. He never thought someone would ask a question like this.

"The shirt, pants and shoes would be enough too. No need for a tie.", he added.

Michael was tempted to do it. He wanted to help this man so bad. "But what if the man wouldnt return with my suit?", Michael thought.

"I'm sorry, but I wont take off my suit. I'm already late for work. I hope someone will help you.", Michael answered politely.

"Come on man, just for 10 minutes and I'll give it back.", the man begged.

"The answer is no.", Michael said and turned around to leave. He was almost on the main street again as he felt a pull on his right foot. As he looked down he saw that he only wore his left shoe anymore. Michael turned around and saw the man holding Michaels shoe his hand. "Only your pants and your other shoe, please.", he begged.

"Give me back my shoe now or I'll call the police you filthy homeless!", Michael answered briskly.

The man threw the shoe in front of Michael and mumbled an okay as he walked towards the back of the alley again.

Michael kneeled down to put on his shoe again and went to work after that.

He thought alot about the encounter at work. In the afternoon, the presentation went great. Michael got his seat at the council.

Over the next few days Michael forgot about the crazy man in the alley until he walked past it one evening. Michael thought that he heard something and watched the alley. He remembered the man from a few days ago and left towards his appartement. He took the elevator and opened his door. Michael entered his bedroom and wanted to undress. He bend over to untie his shoes as he felt a painful hit at the back of his head. Michael collapsed unconscious immediately.

As he woke up Michael noticed that something was tied around his ankles and wrists. Michael opened his eyes to see that he was tied to his bed, still wearing his suit and shoes. He tried to free himself until he noticed someone standing in the shadow of the corner.

"You wont be able to free yourself,  even though you have those muscles.", a voice with a heavy accent said.

Michael knew that accent. It was the man from the alley.

"How did you get in here?", Michael shouted in disbelief.

"That doesnt matter.", he answered. "What matters, is that you didnt help me back then but now you will." He stepped out of the corner, revealing that he still wore his dirty clothes. "I lost my job because of you.  Because you didnt want to lend me your suit."

Michael was shocked.

"But now I'm here for revenge.", he said with a devilish grin. "I mixed something together while you were at work." He walked over to a drawer and took out a bottle filled with a black liquid and a glass. He poured the liquid into the glass and sat down next to Michael. He grabbed Michaels throat causing him to open his mouth. The man poured the liquid into Michaels mouth and made him swallow it.

Michael felt how his body started to feel numb. He wasnt able to move anymore.

The man untied Michael and started to run his hand over his suit. He laid down next to Michael and pulled Michael towards him So that Michael was laying in the mans lap, between his legs.

"What are you doing? Stop that!", Michael said, trying to get his body to move.

The man let his fingers run over Michaels muscular body again. He played with Michaels nipples beneath the tight shirt.

Michael felt how the mans dick was rising and pushing against his back.

The man grabbed Michaels head by the back and pushed him forwards. He pulled of the suits jacket and let Michaels back fall against his belly. He took Michaels tie off and opened some buttons of the shirt. He pushed his hands beneath the shirt to touch Michaels abs. He took them out again and pushed them into Michaels pants. He fondled with his balls for some time until he pulled his hands out again.

The man pushed Michael to the side, left the bed and walked towards Michaels feet. He grabbed him by his ankles and pulled Michael towards him. He opened Michaels belt and pulled pants and underpants down to the ankle. He pulled his own underpants down, revealing a throbbing dick, and lifts Michaels legs into the air. He placed the legs onto his shoulders and strokes over Michaels otc gold-toe-socks and his hairy leg.

"Now you will feel how sorry you are for not helping me!", the man said grabbing Michael by the hips.

"Please, dont do this. Please.", Michael whimpers.

The man pushed his thick cock into Michaels hole. Michael mourned because of the pain. The man pushed in a fast rythm and shot his load into Michael. Happy with what he did to Michael, the man now stripped himself and Michael completely naked.

He took Michaels socks and put them on, followed by his underpants and pants. As he put on Michaels suit, Michael noticed a change in appearence at his own body and with the hispanic man. Michael himself started to loose his muscles and the hispanic started to loose his belly and gain muscles. The man giggled at Michaels surprised looking face. He put on the shirt, tugged it into the pants and tied the tie around his neck. At this point, Michael had lost all of his muscles and gained a small chubby belly. The man on the other hand now filled Michaels suit with his muscles.

"And now the finishing touch!", the man said.

He took both dress shoes and sniffed them. Michael could see how the dick moved beneath the pants. He was disgusted by the fact that the man managed to switch muscles just by putting on Michaels most beloved suit.

The man put both shoes on, bowed down and tied the laces. As he got up again. Michael looked at his own face. He didnt want to think about the fact, that he could look like the hispanic man now.

"Look at me. Dont I look fabulous?", the man said.

"Give me my body back!", Michael screamed. "You May look like me, bit you still have that heavy accent!"

The man giggled and ran his hands over his now muscular body. "Watch this.", he said.

He grabbed the jacket and put it on.

"How do I sound now?", the man asked with Michaels deep voice.

"Thats not possible!", Michael said. He was shocked as he heard himself with the thick accent the hispanic man had.

The man laid down again next to Michael and ran his fingers over Michaels now chubby body.

"I'll slightly miss this body.", he said. "But I'm more than pleased with yours Michael. Thanks to you I can now live a new life. I got a job again, where I earn enough money." He kissed Michael. "You know Michael, this wouldnt have happened to you, if you'd helped me back then. I would've returned your suit, but you were greedy. Now I'll live your life and help people. But before I start, I have to get rid of you tomorrow."

The man leaves Michael on the bed. Now standing in the doorframe, the man turns around one last time. "You have great taste in suits.", he said, rubbing his dick beneath his pants.

"As soon as I manage to move again, I'll find you and take my body back!", Michael shouted.

The man gigled, turned the lights for the bedroom off and closed the door. Michael was all alone in the dark.

[corpsehusband-simp]

Promise Me Your Gonna Change

A/n: two in one night wowee. I hope you guys enjoy!!!

Time felt like it was moving in slow motion. You at on the couch your boyfriend Clay is next to you but neither said a word, you just sat there in awkward silence. You just finished having a long fight about him not paying enough attention to you.

“Clay please I just want to go on one date this week.” You felt pathetic begging your boyfriend for something as simple as a date but that’s where you were in life.

“I already to you Y/n I have to practice for MCC.”

��All week, day and night you have to practice? Really Clay you cant spare an hour maybe two to go see a movie or go to dinner.”

“No, I can’t. This is my job Y/n I have to take it seriously.” You scoff.

“Yeah well it’s my job too but I still make time for the people around me. You don’t leave the house anymore, you stay in your streaming room except to go to the bathroom, and when you do come out here your an asshole to me.” He scrunches his face and rolls his eyes.

“Maybe I don’t want to hang out with you, have you thought about that?” You look at him trying to keep your face stone cold but a tear slips down. CLay looks as though he instantly regrets his words. “I didn’t mean that I’m sorry baby.” He reaches out for you but you step back and sit on the couch.

“When was the last time you said Iyou loved me and meant it?” Clay looked forward, looking as though he was carefully picking out his next words, but the silence was all you needed. You stood quietly and walked to your shared bedroom. You grabbed a bag throwing some clothes in it, grabbed your car keys, and a pair of shoes going to the door.

“Y/n please don’t go.” You look back at Clay.

“We need some time apart, you need to evaluate your priorities.” You take a deep shaky breath trying to hold in the tears but failing. “Make sure you feed Patches.” You look down at the said cat and pet her before leaving.

That was over a week ago. You had made the 2-hour drive to your brother’s house and had been staying there. Clay had texted you a few times saying he was sorry and wanted you to come home.

You laid in bed it was almost midnight was Clay’s caller ID popped up on your phone. You sat there and just stared at it for a minute before finally deciding to answer.

“Hello?” You hear a sigh of relief.

“Y/n...Hi.”

“Hi Clay.”

“I miss you like crazy.” You sigh and look out the window to the night sky.

“I miss you too”

“Then come home, please. We can talk about all of this just please come home.” You rub the tears from your eyes, it was breaking your heart to hear him like this. Clay sounded so broken.

“Promise we will actually talk, not fight.”

“I promise baby. I have a lot to say. I want to hear what you have to say please just come here.” You bite your lip.

“Okay, I’ll be home tomorrow evening.”

“Okay. I’ll see you then, I love you.”

“I love you too.” You said your goodbyes and hung up.

The next morning you woke up and explained to your brother you were finally going home. He nodded and told you that you were always welcome in his house. You shot clY a text that you would be home in about two hours before starting your drive.

As you drove down your street you started to get nervous. What if he didn’t want to be with you anymore. He changed his mind and wanted you out. You pulled up to your house and sighed.

“Here goes nothing.” Walking in you are instantly hit with the smell of food and dim candle-lit lighting, and rose petals leading from the door to the kitchen. “Clay?” YOu call kicking off your shoes and setting down your bag before walking to the kitchen. Clay stood in a suit holding a bouquet of roses. You felt tears well up in your eyes for the millionth time this week as you looked at your boyfriend. “You did all this for me?” You whispered in disbelief. He nods.

“Of course I did my love. I’m sorry it took you leaving for me to realize how much of a dick I was being.” You bite your lip and walk over to him.

“Promise me you’re actually gonna change.”

“I promise baby. This week has shown me that I can’t lose you. I need you forever my love.” You nod and clay wipes away your tears.

“Come on the food is getting cold and I wanna talk”

[zuffer-weird-girl]

Over.

For those who dont know here is the link for the first part of this lil thing :3

You exhaled with a smile at seeing the new look on your apartment. It came with a generous amount of space on both living room and bedroom. Some of the Hassaikai members helped you with all the mobile and some boxes you still had to look over to put things back in order.

Humming to a song that was stuck in your head (and he wadled away wadle wadle) you kneeled on the ground to open a tiny box to start, but you soon frowned at seeing the contents of it...

It was a tiny little glass box, with a carnation safetly placed inside of it... along, it came a bit of your treasures you savored.. a pair of white yet with tiny little delicate detailsyou knrw he knew you love it; a tiny necklace, simple yet elegant, pingent of a heart attached to it; earings with the symbol of the hassaikai and others that were little white wings...

You soon took notice of the drops of tears that were falling down on your lap and inside the boz as you picked the earrings of the Hassaikai... Chisaki gave you this when you both started dating... it was the first ever gift he gave to you along with the carnation...

'I am by far one of the most normal men considering of what the society sees me... but I hope you that you have the patience to bear with me until I give you a life and a clean world to live in until there my dear.'

The words repeated on your head as sobs started to rip from your tgroat as you clenched the earing to the point they pierced your skin enough to hurt as you curped yourself on the floor in misery...

You wanted to forgive him. You wanted to forget what happened on that disgrace if a day...

But you just couldn't. You couldn't forget thhe warth yet neither that murderous gaze Kai had on you. You couldn't forget how his rough hands that usually touched you like you were made out of glass instead grabbed roughly on your arm to the point you cried in pain.

You couldn't forget how he used his quirk on you out of anger.

.

.

.

"Thank you." He muttered monotonously as he grabbed the bouquet full of roses, safetly wrapped up so it couldn't come in contact with him as he exuted the shop.

Ever since the accident, he hadn't been able to get sleep without having night terrors of the terrified look you had... the screams for him to get away from you, to not wven rouch you with a single finger...

He felt worse than the dirt his shoes collected while walking on the dirty streets of where he lived.

He stared at one single rouse out of all in the bouquet he just paid for it, sighing as he adjusted a petal that was a tad bit out of place only for him to accidentaly rip it from the poor flower.

He stopped at that, watching the petal dance while falling into the ground... his eyebrows frowned as he merely sighed after closing his eyes.

"It seems everything I do I end it up ruining it on a way or another..." he whispered to himself, lowering both arms in defeat.

In others it would be seen as childish for him to get all depressed over a simple petal falling from the bouquet... but not for him.

He was the one that was abandoned on the streets to starve; he was the one whose only brought problems more than pride to the man whose took care of him as his only son... he was the one that hurt and traumatized the one he loved over a anger tantrum...

What was wrong with him..? He though, bringing his free hand ro rub his face and sigh deepely.

Although, his ears peeked up at a sound of laughter. Your laughter. His precious angel's laughter which he hadn't heard from months... he swear he felt like crying in glee as he started to almost run towards that beautiful sound he oh missed so dearly.

What wasn't he expecting was get right in front of a scene that left his heart immediately dropping to his stomach... you were indeed laughing of course.

But in the arms of another man.

On the other side of the street he saw how the taller male bear hugged you and lifted you up off the ground and twirles you around as you squealed. Scrunching up your nose at him kissing hard on your cheek.

He slowly lowered down his hand where it held the bouquet as he stared at the scene that completely torn his insodes out as his eyes carried sadness and heartache...

Despite all of those feelings, he still found himself smiling as a tear ran down his face... it was better this way. You could have a normal life, not surrounded by body guards, not have to worry about constant magging of getting clean or sickness... having someone that could give you what you deserved...

He turned his back to walk away... but what wasn't him expecting was that you had noticed him. Walking away. You furrowed your eyebrows, and against your better judgment, you started to run toawrds him, not seing the open signal neither the car that was coming...

"Ka-Chisaki!" He heard you and let out a confused sound before turning and widening his eyes in horror and dropping the amount of flowers he had at the sign of a car coming and honking.

His feet moved before his mind could, his gloves already dissapeared as he shouted foe you or the car, he didn't know anymore, to stop.

Your eyes widened at the sound of honking and before could let out a sound you were engulfed in muscular arm, bringing you close to his chest as he almosy broke his wrist when making contact with the car and overhauling it in a question of seconds.

The screams were gone for a minute and all you could hear was your and Kai's heartbeat at top speed and his uncrotoled shorts of breath.

A half of the citizens clapped their hands while others immediately left the local as the owner of the car, a young man, finally recovered from the state of panic and got down angry yelling at both of you.

"You stupid bitch! Couldn't see a damn sign that I WAS THE ONE TO GO?! AND YOU TOO YOU DICK! You conpletely destroyed my car you asshole!" The male shouted as Kai put you back on your feet as he glared daggers at the short man.

"If a car cost more than a life so there-" the car was back in shape as soons as he destroyed "You can have it. But just for you to know I am not just an 'asshole' as you reffered me." He growled between teeh as you tensed... you knew that tone of voicw way too well...

"Pff-! Yeah whatever old man-" Chisaki grabbed the hem of the shit of the man and stared dead in his eye "H-Hey! Let go basta-"

"You're bold enough ti call the leader of the yakusa a bastard, arent you?" He growled, and the life of the brunnete seemes to fade away from his eyes as he heard those words.

Before you could say something the scared male face was brought to you as Kai growled and overhauled just a tad bit of yhe hem of his shirt to prove his point.

"This you rascal. Is not a bitch. She is a woman. One that deserves respects and was almost killed by you driving at an unforgible speed you irresponsible germ. So before I lose my patience, say your apologies. Now."

The man stuttered some apologies as your eyes widened at Chisaki before he let go of the brunnete to dall on his knees qs Kai glared at him.

"Get out of my sign before I change my kind on cutting your fingers off."

You stared dumbfounded at the zpeed the little man had to enter his car and get the hell out of thwre becore you gasped at seing Chisaki starting to walk away from you once again.

"H-Hey! Chisaki!" You called but he only stopped and crouched down "You're seriously not gonna say-" you stopped when he got up and turnes to you with a brojen face as he stared at the absolute destroyed bouquet... the majority of them were sprawled on the ground and somewere broken and petals lost and sprawled on the ground and on the street.

"I'm sorry," He mumbled as you stared confusely until he spoke on a sadder tone "Those were meant for you.." you hesitantly grabbed and stared in pity yet a tad bit of ahocked at the warmth you felt on your chest.

"You.. didn't had to." He sinply blinked at your astonished expression.

"I know. But is the least I could do." He muttered before a bit of awkward silence was in the air as you stared at the white roses in your hand, threatening to appear a smile on your lips until the man just sighed and turned midway away from you.

"Have a good afternoon." You eyes widened and before you could even mutter the words wait, he just left. Hands stuffed on his pockets and head hung low.

You furrowed your eyebrows before your eyes dropped to the ground where a mess of white petals and broken roaes were sprawled...

You buffed before looking at a meteo station and walking on the direction of your new apartment.

.

.

"You know," he heard the old male's voice ring from the door way as he tried to listen to some calm music layed on his bed and documments on hand "You could take a break now at then Chisaki, maybe some tea to help calm those nervs boy." He stopped reading for a moment as he sighed, looking at Pops unamused.

"Thank you for the offer. But I shall decline."

"Son you camt expect to just succumb into depression like that and think I would allow it." The words of the epder shocked him to some instant before he hesitantly locked eyes with grey ones "I bet you havent triies to verbally apologize to them even once, am I wrong?" Pops croased his arms as he stared at the man dressed in black.

"... try saying sorry for breaking a cup. The word itself wont make the cup return to its original form, it will still be broken." He sighed as he placed the papers on the desn after getting up "This is the same situation. Is not like I deserve or neither knows how to love someone anyway."

"So you just will accept (Y/n) to walk out, end things and be like that?" The elder gesture with his hand at Chisaki "You want to end things with the one you claimed to lo-"

"I didn't want it too, OKAY?!" he banged his fist on the desk as he droppes his head with closed eyes as Pops frowned "I didn't... I.. I cant take the thought of (Y/n) leaving me... but at the same time.." the elder widened hsi eyes at the drop of water that fell on the papers, staining a bit.

"I cant take the thought..of hurting such an angel like I did again... I wouldn't forgive myself." He spoke through teeth in hopes a sob wouldn't escaped until he felt the hand of his mentor pulling him into a firm hug.

"And you say you dont know how to love, huh?" Pops muttered with a smile whipe putting all of his force on the hug as Chisaki's tears deopped silently "Idiot boy, you are just as worth to love someone as anyone else. A mistake wont lwt you stop you if you do know you were on the wrong of it and want to be better." His hand patter the brown hair of Kai much as he did inumerous times as when he was just a child.

He pushed Kai away and sadly smirked at seeing the face of Chisaki all stained with dry tears but no traces of redness... just a broken look.

"When you act like this. Like a man. Is the times I am most proud of you, my son." His breath hitched at the male's words "i will get some herbal tea wether you want it or not. And believe me boy, things are going to get better soon or later."

"... sounds impossible." He muttered as soon as the elder left the room and closed the door.

.

.

.

It was his birthday. Tommorow was his birthday.

You frowned before inhaling sharply. It would complete almost three months since you just stopped talking with him. You were better. But you continually beated yourself up for craving that man's touch or just for hearing some word out of him.

The tiny little presents had stopped when you read a card where he apologized to seen like a stalker and would leave you alone for you to move on. One day after the day you almost got run over by a car and he had saved you and even defended your moral from that asshole that almost shitted his pants at only knowing Chisaki was from the yakusa.

You sighed... this was the first of a ever time Kai had hurted you... and this seemed like it did not only affected you. You sure was hoping for Kai to get possesive or even threatening you to come back to him like many cases you saw on the T.v. But you should have know that by now, Kai was different.

Despite how much he denied, he was a old and gentleman at heart, always looking for ways to please you through gifts since he hadn't has any form of touching in his lifetime that he didn't saw as sick...

... that was it. You had decided over fighting with yourself over three weeks by now.

You were going to give Chisaki. Your Kai Chisaki, another chance.

Packing your purse and everything you could carry on your suitcase, you locked the door of your apartment and left on destination of the house of the Shie Hassaikai.

.

.

.

The gates openes coincdentaly when a black car entered and you took the chance to sneak in. Tip toeing to your once shared bedroom and letting your things over there before you jumped with a squeal at a soind of cough.

"Is such a pleasure to have you back here my dear." You smiled at the old man's face and immediately hugged him, catching the elder in surprise before he chuckled and returned your hug "Care if I may ask why are you back out of the sudden?"

"I... I missed your son. So much." You spoke in embarrassment as the elder smiled and showed with his hand the hallway.

"I guess he is on a room reading something, go text your luck." You nodded, bowing with gratitide as you hesitantly walked and indeed found Kai sitting on a sofa, leg crossed over another as he read a book.

"'The only thing we never get enough of, is love; and the only thing we dont give enough of is also love.' Tsk... not a tad bit wrong Miller sir.." you heard your boyfriend mumbling to himself as he closed the book with a sigh to rub between hsi eyebrows.

You took careful steps while arms crosses behind your back as you looked at his hunched over form and messy dark brow hair.

"I never took you the type to read love quotes." You speak quietly, giggling at how Chisaki flinched and opened his eyes wide at seeing you just mere feet away from him "Hi."

"(Y/n)?" He spoke almost in disbelief as he stood up , hope on his eye swith a fraction of second before returning to that hollow look "What.. what brings you here?"

You rubbed your arm while taking carefull steps towards him, seeing how tense he was.

"I.. think we should at least had talked.. before all of this happened at least."

"You dont have too." He immediatly replied with a stoic look "Is all clear. And I dont take your reasons away from you. You have the right to have a life of your own." You furrowed your eyebrows and honestly being hurt by his words.

"What? So.. so you are okay with this? W-With.. is all this about us?" You pointed at the two of you as sadness overtook his features.

"... I juust know is for the best. For your happiness and safety at least. You dont have to make excuses to make me feel better. I know what I did. And believe, I regret it and hate myself with every piece of my soul."

"Well... I sure cant just pat your head and tell that 'aw baby it was nothing you want a cookie?'-" you saw how he cringed at your words and looked down at his feet "But... but I can say other things." He arched an eyebrows before his breath hitched when he felt your arma circle his chest as you rested your cheek where you could hear his heartbeat...

He stood there with hands on the air in both fear of hurring you and conoekte shock until you spoke something that completely broke him.

"I forgive you Kai... we can still be together... if you want of course."

The sobs ripped from his theoat without warning as his arms came down to gently hold you as he buries his face in your for the sake of his pride.

You felt tears of your own fall as well, staining Kai black social shirt, which he wa completely hot on it, as you clinged for dear life on him, after months finally feeling secure on his arms like you used to do...

"I'm so sorry..." he mumblex, swallowing a hiccup as he rested his chin on your head as you closed your eyes to let the tears fall.

"I know..." you mumbled before parting away from hin as you both stared at eachother until you smiled sadly as he wiped your tears away as you mirrored his actions. "Who would have thought.. a simple quirkless girl making the big bad yakusa cry like a child." You giggled as you saw the hint of tiny smirk beneath that mask.

You saw how he pushed down the said article to reveap his whole handsome face as he stares back at you.

"Should we start all over then?" You offered as his eyebrows quirked up.

"What about that guy you were talking with before... the almost acvident if you could say."

"... my friend thhat was telling me about his wedding in the next month you mean?" You asked with a tiny laugh as his face dropped in realization. "Y-You thought I was dating him?!"

"Well..." he sighed, looking away from you " You had your reasons to."

He widened his eyes at the sudden touch of your hands on his jaw and almost gasped when you pulled him to crush your lips with his... finaly registering what was happening he allowed himself to close his eyes and just... enjoy the moment.

"My jelly bean." You whispered with foreheads conected as Kai scoffed with a smile.

"Dont start with the stupid nicknames now." You smiled at him before he hesitamtly put his hands on your waist "so.. about what happened-" you shushed him gently before ppacing a more sweet kiss on his lips.

"Hush, is over now. In the past. I know you didn't meaant it, and I forgive you. Dont overthinking about it okay? Is over now my love." You nuzzled on his neck as he leg out a watery chuckle and engulfing you on his arms.

".. I guess.. I guess is over." He smiled as he closed his eyes and breathe din the svent he so desperately craved for months.

[oikawaplssteponme]

Close as Strangers: pt 2

part 1

pairing: Katsuki Bakugou x reader

warnings: swearing, breakup, suggestive content

genre: angst with a happy ending

a/n: hi hi! i cant believe so many of you wanted a part 2 so here it is! you all seem to like how i write for bakugou which means a lot💕!! i once again hurt my own feelings a little bit with this one but it has a better ending than part 1 hehe. enjoy xx

•

Silence is the absence of noise. Sadness is the absence of joy. Fear is the absence of courage. Just because you are quiet at one point, doesn’t mean you will stay quiet forever. Just because you are sad at one point, doesn’t mean you’ll never be happy again. Things can go missing for short periods of time or even long ones but one thing is for sure; they always come back eventually.

You were the absence of Katsuki Bakugou. He was gone. No longer in your vicinity. Every time you saw him, he felt more like a ghost than a person. Lurking around, observing you. You supposed that’s what always happens when you break up with someone. They become a memory that you wish to kept stored and never remember. Just looking at their face can give you a pit in the bottom of your stomach. Breaking up with someone is a weird concept. The person you love most can become the person you never want to see again over night. Especially when things end the way they did between you and Bakugou.

His silence was deafening. It seemed that his silence said more than his shouting or screams ever did. His promises were just as empty. He promise to do better. He promised to make things better. However, he didn’t. You always took Bakugou as a man who stuck to his words. Maybe he stuck to his word more when it didn’t come to you.

You thought that distracting yourself with others would help. You spent a lot of time with Deku. He was a good guy after all and he gave you a lot of attention, which was something you had been missing. The two of you weren’t together though, no matter how badly Izuku wanted otherwise.

~

“Y/N!”

You looked over your shoulder to see Deku rushing towards you with one of his dashing smiles.

“Oh hi...”

He took a seat next to you on the common area couch, putting his arm around you.

“How are you? I didn’t see you much today,” he said. You shrugged.

“I’m alright, just been busy I guess.”

“Oh okay. Well we can hang in my room if you’d like?” suggested Deku. As tempting as sitting in a room filled with All Might posters sounded, you wanted to be alone.

“I actually don’t feel that great so I think I’m just gonna go to sleep,” you explained. You got up from the couch.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

You laid flat on your bed, staring at your ceiling. One part of you was telling you to just go to Izuku’s room, the other was telling you to go to Bakugou’s. Both seemed like the wrong answer.

You turned to your side. On top of your desk was a picture frame. The picture was backwards. You flipped the picture frame over and began to open it up.

It was a picture of you and Bakugou. You had fallen asleep on him in his room and he was out cold as well. He had left the door open, prompting his friends to enter his room and observe this softer side of Bakugou. They had snapped a picture, which was the one you couldn’t bring yourself to throw away.

You felt guilty for feeling these feelings. You shouldn’t miss him. Yet here you were, missing the boy who broke your heart beyond repair. What held you back from dating Izuku was that he wasn’t Bakugou.

You set the picture frame down and slipped on a jacket and some shoes. Quietly, you left your room and allowed your feet to take you where they pleased. That inevitably led you to his door.

Your fist hovered maybe a millimeter away from his door. You were so close to knocking, unsure if you wanted him to answer or not. You took a deep breath before placing two small taps on his door.

He was probably asleep. He would probably get mad if you woke him up. You knew you should leave. What happens if he answers? What happens then?

“H-Hi...”

Bakugou’s eyes widened when he recognized that it was you at his doorstep. You were shaking, unsure if it was from nerves or the cold air the swarmed the dorms.

“I’m sorry for bothering you...I-l’ll leave-” you ran from his door so quickly. Your feet led you outside the dorms and to the training ground.

There was a sense of comfort at the training ground. That was probably why you would always come here whenever you were upset. It was like reminiscing in what used to be, and how much you missed it.

“You’re predictable.”

You looked up at Bakugou, who stood in front of you, his hands in his pockets.

“Why’d you follow me?”

“Hey you ran from me. No shit I’d be curious as to why.”

Bakugou held his hand out to you.

“Come on, let’s talk inside.”

~

You sat on Bakugou’s bed. From the months you had been apart, his room hadn’t changed a bit. His desk had a picture frame on it, however it was turned around.

Bakugou took a seat at the edge of his bed, while your back was pressed against his bed frame.

“You wanted to talk. So talk,” you said plainly. Bakugou huffed.

“Why’d you knock on my door?”

“I don’t know.”

“You don’t know? Bullshit Y/N.”

“I can’t give you a good answer,” you whispered.

“You don’t get to decide if the answer is good or not. I do, so just spit it out.”

You shook your head.

“God that damn nerd must have a hell of a lot of patience dealing with you...”

“Fuck you.”

“So that’s why you came to my door? Fair enough,” he chuckled. You clenched your fists.

“Deku and I aren’t together,” you shot back. This got a reaction out of him. Bakugou moved closer to you.

“Good, because that nerd doesn’t know you the way I do.”

“You don’t know me at all, since half of the time when we were together you would ignore me.”

Bakugou moved closer again.

“So you’re just gonna scold me for everything I did wrong when we were together?”

“That would take too long.”

“Then why are you here?”

You leaned in to be closer to Bakugou’s face. You looked him dead in the eyes.

“I’m clingy, remember?”

“Hey I apologized for that-”

“You could apologize a million times more but that doesn’t fix anything. It doesn’t fix us or what we could’ve been or what we were. You and your apologies are meaningless to me,” you said.

“Meaningless? Really?”

“Really.”

“Well if I’m so meaningless, then why haven’t you left yet? Why are you sitting so pretty on my bed? Legs crossed, eyes wide. I’m not so sure Y/N, something is telling me there’s more to this,” smirked Bakugou. Your stomach clenched.

“Just answer me this.” Bakugou moved to have you pressed against the bed frame again, his hand on the frame next to your head. You gulped.

“Me or him?”

“That’s not-”

“Answer me.”

Bakugou’s breath was hot on your face. You both knew the answer, only you knew it was the wrong one. This interaction with Bakugou was probably more than you two ever spoke in your last week of dating.

“What happens after I answer? Nothing changes,” you said.

“If nothing is gonna change, why are you so hesitant?”

You sighed.

“I want things to change. I want you to change.”

“I’ll change-”

“No you won’t. You say you will but we both know you won’t. The second I leave this room, you and I will be as close as strangers, just as we always were. I gave you second chances but I can’t give you anymore. I can’t give myself that false hope that you’ll do better, because you won’t,” you cried.

Bakugou sat back. His demeanor changed from confident to melancholy.

“I hate seeing you with him. I hate it!”

“Katsuki-“

“You picked him to hurt me, didn’t you? You’re not suppose to be with him. You’re supposed to be with me-”

For once, you wanted silence. The only way you could think to get that desired silence was to shut Bakugou up.

The only way you thought to do that was to kiss him.

Shut him up with the lips he used to beg to kiss. With the clashing of teeth and tongue you both so desperately craved. Your hands held Bakugou’s cheeks as you kissed him. He pulled you towards him. His hands gripped tightly onto your waist as you sat on his lap. Your hands now tangled in his hair. His hands exploring every inch of you that he had missed so much. Oh how he kissed you. Certainly he was doing that better at least.

You and Bakugou had to gasp for air.

“Please Y/N... don’t pick him...”

You looked at Bakugou. He had puppy dog eyes. His lips began to quiver and he quickly buried his face into your chest.

“I’m sorry I’m sorry I’m sorry...”

He continued to mutter these apologies to you. He cried so softly into your chest. You shushed him, rubbing his back to calm him down, kissing the top of his head. He tightened his grip around your waist, holding onto your t-shirt.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay...”

Bakugou hugged you so tightly. He wasn’t gonna let you slip away again.

“Bakugou look at me,” you ordered. His red eyes looked into yours. You gently wiped away his stray tears.

“I don’t know what you want me to do. Of course I want you. I never stopped wanting you. But I want the version of you that I fell in love with, not the one that broke my heart. And that’s the problem. I don’t know which one I’m going to get.”

Bakugou shook his head.

“Please don’t leave, please don’t leave me. Everyone always leaves so I try to leave first but I won’t this time. I won’t mess up. I can’t bare to see you with anyone else but me...”

“I don’t like it either. I’m trying to move on but it’s really hard...”

“Please I’ll do anything to have you back...absolutely anything...”

“I just need you to do better... and not just promise to do it, I need actions Katsuki...”

“Yes, yes, I’ll do it. I swear. Y/N please...I love you.”

Your eyes widened, then began to shed its own tears. You hugged Bakugou again.

“I love you Bakugou.”

You showered the blond boy with endless kisses, unsure what else to do. You really did love him. That fact never changed.

“I promise.”

“Okay.”

~

The next day, Katsuki Bakugou did better.

•

[general taglist (form in masterlist) : @lealofsblog @iwaisa @bakugousmymassa @roesaurus @evivn1 @tetsoleil @bokutory @vangoghmusings @moonlightaangel @complimentaryhugsgirl @marajillana @luluwiie @tanakasprayer @bibly @big-phat-cat @sapphoscolonoscopy ]

[shoutoismybaby]

A Pink Promise (BakuXReader)

Summary: You had a tradition with bakugou. A tradition where every time you had to leave each other you would wrap your pinky’s together in a promise that you would see the other again. But one night after an argument you storm out of the apartment without your typical goodbye, and bakugou gets a call that makes him question if he will ever see you alive again

WARNING: Angst, but it ends in fluff. Cursing, injury, car accident, fighting, and crying

Hi. I’m just gonna leave this here😘

***

“I should probably head home,” You shifted from one foot to another, “my dad will get worried if I’m late…”

“Alright, bye loser.” You giggled at Bakugous response and held out your hand, pinky extended.

“So, you’ll pick me up at two?” You asked, pausing at the confused look on his face. “What?”

“What are you doing?” Bakugou asked, he was staring at your hand. You laughed once more and ignored his glare,

“Oh, it's for a pinky promise.” You explained,

“You need me to pinky promise that I’ll take you on a date tomorrow?” His brows only became more furrowed, Katsuki knew you were a little weird. The simplest things seemed to make you smile, but that's what he loved about you. He wondered if you seriously wanted him to pinky promise you that he would take you out, right after he just asked you to be his girlfriend. Yeah, he was an asshole. But not to that extent.

“No, um. It’s a promise that you’ll see me again.” You blushed, it was a habit you had picked up from your parents. They always used a pinky promise in place of a goodbye kiss. You were about to let your hand drop when looped his pinky with yours.

“Okay, I’ll be at your house at two. You better be ready.” He gave your finger a tight squeeze before letting it go. He then turned around and began walking away from you.

“I won't!” You promised, watching him walk away for a couple of seconds before you turned to head home.

From that day on, each time you went to say goodbye, a pinky promise accompanied it. Even Bakugou caught onto the habit quickly, despite the fact that his friends would often tease him for it. Yeah, he was whipped for you. He knew it. Your peers knew it. Even your uncle's dog knew it. But all that mattered to him was that you were happy. And you were for a while.

It was when you had graduated for UA and moved into an apartment together that problems started to arise. Katsuki got overly jealous of every person you got close to, and you were always exhausted after work. Hero's work was stressful on both of you, only contributing to the short temper your boyfriend seemed to have. Fights would happen over the smallest of things, such as chores not being done, or something being left out where it didn't belong.

Of course, you couldn't say that you were innocent, you did start a fair amount of fights. Eventually, though, it hit a point that you could barely handle it anymore. Even when you tried to calm him down, to just talk through things, it would always end in screams and slammed doors.

And soon enough, you hit your limit.

“God, don’t you ever shut up!?” You screamed, just having gotten home from work. Why were you already fighting with him? You hadn't even gotten the chance to take off your shoes. His face only seemed to get more contorted, matching the amount of anger he felt. Why was he always directing it at you? “I just got home from work, cant you give me a fucking break!”

“Maybe you’d get home earlier if you were any good at what you do!” He argued, of course, he would go on the offense.

“What’s that supposed to mean!?” You prayed that he would back down.

“I'm just saying that if you weren't such a shitty hero, maybe you would get home at a decent time and actually-” That was your breaking point.

“Just because you’ll never be good enough to be the number 1 hero, doesn't mean you can take it out on me!” You shut him up pretty fast. His face paled and eyes widened, but you could barely notice past the high you were on. “I’m sick and tired of coming home to someone who only wants to fight with me! Have you ever thought that maybe I take extra shifts to avoid seeing you?”

You were crying now, but you couldn't bring yourself to care. You were so mad. How could he tell you that he loved you and then tell you something like that?

Katsuki seemed frozen, you couldn't see the guilt flood his body. You couldn't hear the thoughts whirring in his head. You couldn't feel his regret. You could only feel anger.

You could only feel your heart ripping in two, the tears scratching their way to your eyes. Everything hurt. You felt like a gust of wind could cause your body to fall apart. Yet, at the same time, you felt numb. Maybe that was the anger. The desperation. The hurt. Maybe that was what was protecting your fragile self.

You had never felt so broken and vulnerable before.

“I hate you Bakugou!” He was supposed to be the one to protect you, love you, care for you. So why was he the one tearing you apart?

If it hadn't already, his heart stopped. You hadn't called him by his last name since you got together.

“(Y/n)-” His hand reached out to you. All he wanted to do right then was apologize to you, and hold you close until you forgave him. But you couldn't do that. Not again. Not then,

“Don't touch me!” Your voice sounded so broken as you held one of your wrists in your other hand. “Don't-” A shuddering breath made its way through your throat. You reached for your coat and began to pull it on.

“(Y/n), please don't. I'm sorry-”

“I don't want to see you again,” You closed your eyes tight and sighed, turning to the door. He didn't say anything else, so you left.

***

It was a couple of seconds before his arm returned to his side, and a couple of minutes more before he stopped standing there. Choosing to sit instead. He wasn’t sure why. Why he didn’t just move to the couch. Why some part of him was convinced that you would just walk back in, and let him apologize. Let him fix everything.

But he knew you wouldn't. Even more, he knew he didn’t deserve it.

It was an hour before he finally moved, and it was only to get to his ringing phone. All he could do at that moment was wish it was you.

Wish it was about you.

Oh, how he came to wish he could take back that wish.

“(y/n), I'm sorry-”

“Hello?” It wasn't your voice on the phone, Bakugou considered hanging up, but had a feeling that he shouldn't.

“Who is this?” He asked gruffly, he just wanted you back in his arms. He didn't care about anything else.

“My name is Haru, I work for the Musutafu hospital. Your number is on the emergency contact list of (Y/n) (L/n). Could you come down to the hospital? It's urgent.”

Bakugou didn't think that his heart would break anymore that night. But here he was, tearing up on the phone. Begging and screaming at the poor nurse to tell him what was going on, knowing full well she couldn't. Stupid patient confidentiality.

He had never pulled on his shoes and coat faster, not taking the time to realise his shoes did not match. He knew it was illegal to use his quirk at the moment, but he didn’t care. He launched himself into the air and towards the hospital, only slowing down in order to land painfully in front of the doors. But he didn't care about how he felt. Nor did he care about the immediate attention that was placed on him from everyone around.

“Is that Ground Zero?”

“I’ve never seen him without his hero suit on before”

“Look at him. He looks like a mess.”

“Is he okay?”

The hospital was busy when he walked inside, covered in sweat from both the bodily exertion and anxiety. His heart was racing and the only thing keeping him from fainting was the fact that he needed to see you. How had you already ended up in the hospital? You had only just left his house-

But the clock on the wall corrected him, it had been a few hours. His stomach churned as he walked up to the receptionist's desk,

“Where’s (Y/n)?” He growled out, beginning to get restless. Now that some people knew who he was, the paparazzi was sure to show up. And that was the last thing either of you needed.

“Name, ID, Relationship to the patient?” The woman's calm demeanor was in direct contrast to the storm brewing in Bakugou.

“Bakugou Katsuki, I’m (Y/n) (L/n)’s boyfriend.” He said as he dug out his wallet, suddenly remembering something you had told him once when you had to visit him in the hospital after a villain encounter went sideways. “But we’ve lived together for over three years, we have a common law marriage.”

He knew that this was the only way he was going to be able to see you, but it wasn’t like he was lying. The receptionist squinted at him before taking his ID and looking it over.

“Alright, if you can state the name of the patient you are visiting for me again I can get you the guest pass and their room number.”

***

Your door slammed open, and you strained your eyes trying to see. The brace around your neck stops you from properly looking over. It didn’t take long to realise who it was when you heard the strangled whine. You recognized it as Katsuki right away. How could you not?

You had been with him for years, through the ups, the downs, and the very far downs that were the past year. You had held him tightly when those noises had escaped him in the past and you shielded him from the world when he was no longer able to keep up his facade.

You could only imagine how broken he looked now, you just wanted to hold him again and protect him from everything.

Until you remembered your last conversation, but then you just felt conflicted. You were mad at him. You were so angry.

But you were scared, so scared.

After all your years as a pro hero, and it was a truck that fucked you up the most. Each breath was painful, and maybe if your mind wasn’t so cloudy on pain meds, you would be able to remember how many ribs the doctor told you were broken, or which leg. Or if you were going to live. God, were you scared.

Footsteps brought you out of your thoughts, focusing your eyes to the man who stood in front of you. He looked like a boy now, so broken and collapsed in on himself.

“(Y/n),” sounded broken.

His brows were furrowed, mouth deep set in a scowl. But you knew better. You saw the tears stains on his cheeks. The redness of his eyes. His coat was inside out. You knew his face was one of worry. Fear.

You remembered the first time you saw him look like that. The first time he opened himself up to be so vulnerable to you. It was sometime after All Might had fallen, and the guilt had been eating him up. Not many other people noticed the way his thoughts were eating him up inside. But you did.

You saw the light in his eyes dim. The dark bags began to form and the way his posture fell. His confidence was falling no matter how much he screamed to keep up his image.

“K-kat-suk-i” You struggled to speak, your voice raspy. Like you hadn’t drank anything in years. Tears bubbled in his eyes, and, somehow that was more painful than when you first woke up. In the middle of the street, there had been a young woman kneeling over you, screaming into her phone. You couldn't hear her though, only the ringing in your ear.

You couldn't remember right before you got hit, it was fuzzy. Though the doctor told you it was normal. You wondered if maybe you were just running without looking. Or if tears clouded your vision. Or maybe, if it hadn't been your fault at all.

“Shit,” The love of your life began to scrub his face with his fists, much like he did the night you found him in the dorms kitchen. Crying over a late night snack as his fists clenched the edge of the counter, struggling to hold himself together.

No matter how much he tried to cover his face after you made your presence known, you could see the tears as they fell to the floor. You could hear his strangled whimpers. And even though you knew the possible consequences, you held his shaking body in your arms. You let him be vulnerable and didn’t say a word.

It was that day that you began to see Bakugou as he truly was. An Asshole? Yes, of course. But also a boy who cared way too much, who held himself to impossible standards, and who never really had a proper support system. You decided to be his support that day, and soon after you became his girlfriend too.

“They, they told me what happened to you,” you watched as little pops of frustration came out of his fists. “And I couldn't help but think that it’s my fault.”

“No,” you wanted to protest, but you instead had your breath hitched in your throat. The desire of water coming to be the very forefront of your thoughts as you reached out your hands, desperate for the hydration that would let you continue. Bakugou, of course noticed and his crimson eyes quickly spotte the glass of water on your nightstand. Once the cool glass brushed against your fingers, you brought it to your lips and drank as if you hadn’t seen a liquid in days.

“Just, listen okay? I… Ive been taking out my work stress on you, I’ve been rude and condesending and just fucking nit picky. You didn’t deserve any of that, especially what I said earlier. It was fucking uncalled for and so far from the truth.” The determination in his gaze was evident, it was the same gleam in his eyes he got whenever he set his mind to something. You adored that look from him.

“I know Katsuki, I know you don’t really think that.” You muttered, unsure of what to say. Were you just supposed to forgive his, what seemed to be, apology? You had no idea how you felt. Your head hurt along with the rest of your body and your throat was still parched despite downing your water seconds ago.

“It doesnt matter, you need to know what I do think. I think youre an incredibly strong woman. And a fucking resilient, relentless one at that. Can’t get you off my shit for two seconds. But I love that about you, you know? I know I’ve been a dick recently but I really do love you. I asmire you too, your work ethic. You never give up and thats what makes you one of the best heroes out there, fuck what the polls say.” He sniffled and quickly ran a closed fist under his nose. “You dont deserve what I’ve been putting you through lately… and I’m fucking sorry. You’re the most important person in my life and you deserve better than the asshole you’ve been getting.”

“You’ve always been an asshole.” You used your glass to hide the smirk on your face that only grew bigger as bakugou couldn't help himself from blowing up.

“I- are you kidding!? I’m trying to fucking apologize here and THATS what you choose to say!?” The pops of his quirk created a melody with the raspy laughs that left your mouth.

“Yeah,” your chuckling continued as bakugou's face softened. Eyes like cooling embers as they dusted across your figure. You tried to ignore that look, it always made your chest swell uncomfortably. Nothing could make you tear up more than the love bakugou had for you.

“Shitty woman,” he sat himself down in the chair besides your bed and took the now empty glass from your hands, “I just want you to know that when- if, you come home… that things are going to be better. I don't ever want to make you feel like you have to avoid me ever again. I want you to feel safe around me. And I swear that I’m going to put you above my hero work from now on-“

“No, Katsuki, I’m sorry I said that. I shouldn’t have said that you can't become the number one hero, it's not true.” You shook your head, the shame being too painful to look anywhere but your hands. Balled in fists on your lap before they were gently tugged into his own. You reluctantly met his eyes, admiring the fire that burned in them.

“This has nothing to fucking do with that, okay? I’m not giving up on being the number one, I’m just going to start working harder to be better for you at the same time. And anyone who thinks I can’t do it is a dumb bitch.”

“God can your ego get Any bigger?” A smile stretched across your face as you began laughing again when he simply shrugged. It hurt like a bitch, the sharp pain making your eyes water, but you just loved everything about the angry man in front of you. Even when he began yelling at you to stop laughing before you hurt yourself even more. It took awhile for you to calm down, and even longer to get bakugou to stop glaring at you for hurting yourself.

“I love you,” he said after a moment of silence, his rough thumbs rubbing circles into the meat of your hand.

“I know.” You sighed, basking in the silence that lasted only a few seconds before bakugou ripped his hands from yours.

“SAY IT BACK!”

***

I hope you enjoyed!