#if you read through all of thank you tho. extremely personal i know but idk. im happy

[t1oui]

thinking about how living w regulus would affect harry like

he's such a fucking snob about everything. food, decor, fashion, you name it, he's got opinions on it.

he does ballet despite being the least graceful person on the planet. he's somehow pretty good at it, likely out of spite

speaks french

very much a cat person, has a cat named leo who is his baby

like yk how james and sirius are extremely codependent? that's how harry is w leo. both of them can not handle being apart from each other too long

reads a lot of stories

thinks seeker is the best quidditch position

on that note, lots of slytherin house pride. james hates it. harry refuses to put any gryffindor decorations up in his room

harry loves taking pictures just like reg so the house is filled with photographs

and ofc harry is snobby about what types of cameras he uses thanks to reg. james now just lets them deal with the cameras & photography stuff bc he's scared to get the wrong thing lol

harry is taller than reg but bc dysphoria all of reg's old clothes (like quidditch jerseys + hoodies and stuff) are his size so half his wardrobe is from reg's hogwarts days

definitely the type of guy to change his bedding & curtains & everything in his room based on the season. will anybody actually be in there other than him and his parents? not really, but he MUST redecorate

idk what this even means but snobby about candles. this is another thing james is scared to buy him

harry and reg speak french w each other more than english

since james doesn't speak french w harry (i hc he's only comfortable speaking it w reg) harry is used to having a conversation in two different languages so sometimes he'll be speaking french w his friends without noticing

he'll be in the middle of a rant and realize they don't understand a thing he's saying lol

reg and harry control the decorating for every holiday, every birthday, etc.

the one thing harry knows how to do that reg doesn't/reg didn't teach him is cooking. reg never cooked for himself as a child so james was the one who taught him

doesn't look like it most of the time but all of harry's clothes are very expensive... did i mention he's a snob

harry is such a dry texter/writer... he's such a dick about grammar when it comes to writing even tho he can barely string a sentence together when speaking

deeply sarcastic (look! a canon detail! we never thought we'd see that on this account, did we?)

will take his partners on the most expensive dates & whatnot like it's nothing... cedric the farmboy™️ is not prepared

writes sad boy poetry when he gets annoyed w someone... like harry will storm off all pissed and then he comes back 20 mins later with a beautifully written, very angry poem for whoever made him mad

has so many clothes & different curtains and bedding sets for different seasons that he also uses the closet in the guest room (reg takes up 99% of his and james's closet for the same reason)

has an inherent hatred of fake plants

bedroom is simultaneously tidy and so messy a hurricane might as well have come through

leaves a book behind everywhere he goes

secretly the worst sense of humor lmao

he may not have gotten his love of drawing/painting from regulus, but you def see reg in the way he is, you guessed it, a massive snob about art supplies

soooo indecisive. redoes his room at least twice a year

an asshole when he gets less than 10 hours of sleep... he's mildly tolerable after 3 cups of coffee (black, of course) but you might as well just ignore him until he gets a nap in

on that note is very good at making coffee and is, drum roll please, a massive snob about it. who would've guessed (somebody count how many times i've said snob in this post and comment it please and thank you)

if he doesn't like a gift he's horrible at pretending he's happy w it so people usually go through reg whenever they buy him something... this goes both ways too, people go through harry when buying something for reg

is visually james and lily's but in personality is really just reg's (and also lily's... he definitely inherited his spite from her lol)

is a crazy cat lady by age 20

at least 10 pictures of leo in his room... he has whole photoshoots for her and she poses for them

might as well not hang out w harry at his house bc he'll make out with his cat the whole time

loves going to art museums w regulus

he's a, surprise surprise, snob about art. james just doesn't comment on art altogether atp

his vocabulary is a weird mashup of french, english, and hindi that makes it very hard for anybody who doesn't know him well to understand what he's saying lol

looks angry until he smiles (he got this from lily but a life with reg has perfected it)

needs a golden retriever to his black cat in any given relationship (enter cedric and cho) (yes i'm going to push my rarepair on everyone reading this)

tl;dr being raised by/living w regulus has turned harry into a massive snob about literally everything and regulus is proud of it (blink twice if you need help, james)

[vaguely-concerned]

I’m on a Star Wars books roll so here we go with my — unhinged thanks for asking! — thoughts on Dooku: Jedi Lost, specifically the audio play. Short version: I fucking loved this one! For maximum emotional devastation, pair with Master and Apprentice and Padawan the way my stupid ass did and then be sad about it forever I guess that's what I’m going to have to do.

 Long (LONG oopsie) version:

- So. First of all, let’s get the most important thing out of the way on this here old man yaoi website. We all agree dooku and sifo dyas explored each other’s bodies right. Or at least definitely would have if not for the laws of this order etc., potentially. That’s not just me. Good. Thank you. We can now move on 

- Secondly. Well. Guess I’m just going to be inconsolable about Sifo-Dyas forever now. I miss the days in which he was just a throwaway line in AotC spawned by a random misspelling to me, rather than an eternal raw aching wound in my heart

- poor poor ventress just reading through all the proof that dooku absolutely does have it in him to be a good dad I mean master and just — idk got tired of that and went the force lightning route with her. I love the move of having her dead master hang out with her all that time as well (having her slip up and refer to ‘us’ did something to me, god this is so sad. Is he actually there in spirit or is it just her grief dreaming him up because dooku is awful and cold as a cliff  wall and she needs some kind of attachment figure even if she’ll have to reinvent him herself, rebuild him word for word, gesture by gesture. Pain. sorry about your terrible track record with father figures asajj) 

- Lene: (About Averross): He hasn’t changed. 

Dooku: (In the warmest fondest voice you ever heard) And I hope he never does

WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH MYSELF? MUST I SET MYSELF ON FIRE TO ESCAPE THE PAIN???

Another strong showing for Rael in general, btw. He’s so warm and charming as a presence even though he’s also a little chaos gremlin. (He’s quite similar to how Sifo-Dyas was when he was young in some ways, I can definitely start to see what Dooku responds warmly to in terms of character traits.) 

- the fact that good ol’ sheev showed an interest in rael, dooku and anakin… interesting huh! He’s just got a soft spot for the disaster lineage I suppose, maybe there’s an element there of luring yoda’s most direct lineage into the dirt with him without yoda even noticing for the longest time. Also cackling at the idea that he looked at qui-gon ‘too fucking stubborn and insufferable to fall to the dark side out of sheer spite’ jinn and went ‘...not that one tho’ fhdskjfa. And obi-wan is more like ‘that one blorbo all my little guys seem wild about but I just don’t get it guys’ 

IF rael’s refusal to join dooku at the end of ‘master and apprentice’ is the last word (which I am not convinced of ;___; be safe cowboy jedi we never see in mainline canon so far), then he’s the only one who has dodged palpatine’s attentions. Wonderful if true love that for him

ALSO rael is one of the few people we know to be on (or at least to consider himself on despite what palps might think lol) first name basis with palpatine. Hilarious. I concur with dooku never change rael 

- Sifo-Dyas: That’s insane. 

Dooku, deadpan: Yes.

Sifo-Dyas: The worst plan I’ve ever heard.

Dooku, somehow even more deadpan: Most probably. 

Sifo-Dyas: I’m in. 

Crying… weeping and dying………… what if someone could have helped sifo with his unfortunate prophecy propensity and they hadn’t drifted apart. Clone Wars averted methinks if dooku still ended up leaving the order he would have been too busy having tender gay sex with the love of his life (and only person who can call him out on his shit and have him actually listen) to be a war criminal (I am being extremely facetious of course this is very much a ‘time traveler killing baby hitler’ situation where the underlying forces causing this point in history are way too powerful to avert the catastrophe in one move. but at least palps would probably have had to pick someone else to wreck the galaxy through and sifo-dyas would be kissed & held instead of going slowly mad. A net plus some (I, me) would say) 

- I just wanted to applaud both the writing and the voice acting for the characterization of Dooku in this, from his young self trying so hard to be haughty and self-possessed but also being like, y’know, twelve and a dweeb and easy for Sifo-Dyas to pull into trouble, to the dry wit and warmth he shows with Rael and Qui-Gon or his sister later. It took me a little while to get into the voice acting specifically (the actor makes no attempt at going the full Christopher Lee, which in hindsight was probably wise), but now I love it. It gets a bit goofy in places but you know what, I am a long time lover of audio plays, that’s part of the charm 

- “Master, have I done something wrong?”

My heart is clenching… do you think… that master yoda’s deal with leaving his student to try fucking everything to have some kind of relationship with him until he just breaks down in tears of despair… is the kind of thing that maybe started a little bit of a generational trauma cartwheel through the ages. The point that bb!dooku is arrogant isn’t without merit and he strikes out incredibly ungracefully about it (in fact I would be a lot more worried than yoda seems to be that he decides to try to kill a tree about it, ‘I felt like destroying something beautiful’-style)  but I just don’t think a… fourteen year old? A teen anyway, Is going to learn what you think he learns from this. I simply don’t believe that silent treatmenting kids will teach them emotional intelligence I guess especially if they already struggle with that naturally lol 

(It is exactly the same mistake (in my opinion) that Qui-Gon makes with Obi-Wan, too, just leaving the kid completely alone and forcing them to come to you every which way for comfort or guidance instead of meeting them or reaching out to them. Especially once you see that really Dooku’s prime emotion/big core wound right from the beginning is loneliness. And that doesn’t only come from a feeling of superiority (which to be sure is also a big factor), because he has no idea where he comes from until he meets his sister. I don’t think the jedi as a whole were unsalvageable by any stretch of the imagination, but Yoda specifically… you are on such very thin ice with me at this point you little green fuck. You’re very funny and moving in yoda dark rendezvous and that’s all that’s keeping you in my somewhat good graces.)

- Okay, coming back a bit later I think I’ve found the right words to say this. more precisely dooku has two big issues which you can later see haunting all the way down his lineage — loneliness and control. (and not incidentally the intersecting elements of the two haha.) We see from his relationship to sifo-dyas that he’s not incapable of having close mutual relationships with an equal, but that kind of crashed and burned for reasons neither of them could really help and after that it seems quite telling that he has the easiest time with deeper connection in a teacher-student sort of form. I think his affection is unconditional and real, but you can’t get away from the fact that he also has the most control in that relationship structure by default, he gets to dictate what form it takes to a big extent. He doesn’t trust other people — the underlying idea ‘Only I can do this’ that eventually leads him down the Separatist path is there the whole way. It speaks both to a sense of superiority and an utter lack of faith that other people can or will help him. And then that echoes down through the master-padawan line: 

Qui-Gon with his self-righteousness and utter refusal to compromise leaving him isolated among the jedi (only he is right. Yeah the Force told him so. Don’t worry I’ve got a permit *insert parks and rec I can do whatever I want meme here*), Obi-Wan with his anxiety and perfectionism and incredible sense of shame and responsibility that he should be able to carry the whole world on his shoulders alone and beating himself up for failing, all feeding into not knowing what to do with Anakin and his complete lack of control of himself and his desperation to gain and maintain connection and love (which earns him the title of ‘Dooku’s least favorite family member’ fhdsa his immediate disdain for him is so funny and so in character. Repress and go slowly mad like a normal person anakin the way you’re carrying on is just undignified and that is much worse than being evil)… 

- Rael gently telling Dooku to take on another padawan soon… so sweet, so sad, local cowboy jedi looking out for his dad. Also highlights something about Dooku I think is true: that he does much better and seems to have an easier time holding to the light when he’s responsible for someone else. Again, I do feel like Dooku’s core problem is loneliness, but it seems like raising kids is the one point where that relaxes somewhat. Maybe if Sifo-Dyas had stayed in a better mental place and they kept in touch it could have been different.

- Lene Kostana is SUCH a character! Charismatic and deeply fucked up, when it’s revealed how her and Sifo-Dyas’ relationship remains long after his padawan stage is done I felt a little bit sick, to my surprise. Because that could just be kindness on her part, of course, it’s good that he has someone he trusts to look after him when he can’t himself, but also there’s something… queasy about the way it keeps him continually young, in a way. (Notably he still calls her ‘master’ even as an adult, when they’re working together. Not uncommon in Star Wars, of course, but together with everything else going on vibes-wise… hm.) The inherent unreliable narration of this story really worked for me in this regard especially — do we know that young Dooku was entirely wrong when he sensed the dark side in her? She certainly is willing to go to lengths that are… worrying! in her fascination with sith shit, she tempted children into a dangerous place they didn’t understand and couldn’t know the consequences of and she continually puts sifo-dyas in situations that are implied to be a risk to worsening his condition. Run of the mill incredibly irresponsible at best, sincerely sinister at worst. Did she choose Sifo over Dooku because he’s more vulnerable and shapeable? There is an undercurrent of something icky and emotionally incest-y going on with how she relates to Dooku and Sifo-Dyas in general (right down to the ‘NO, no one can know about this’ intensity after the… evil moss cave. I can’t believe I’m this emotional about a book with an evil moss cave). I don’t think she’s a proper sith in any way and I also believe there is real affection there on all sides, but idk something about the whole thing makes me deeply uneasy. Yoda where the fuck are you your son is out there with his irresponsible mom again they’re looking for dirty needles in haystacks and they’re not even wearing any gloves

- dooku telling sifo-dyas he can come back to haunt him if he likes as a joke… well well well I’m sure that doesn’t ring with some dramatic irony at some point down the line lmao

- honestly looking back at master and apprentice after reading jedi lost makes qui-gon's apparent lack of reaction to dooku leaving seem — let's call it highly suspect haha. rael asks him if he's spoken to dooku after and qui-gon is like 'no. why would I. it's literally fine. anyway this topic is done now'. (and rael seems to just go ‘*older brotherly knowing* uh-huh’) meanwhile he's thinking about dooku *all the time* trying to figure out his role as master to obi-wan, thinking about being a padawan himself, the parts of his life he shared with both dooku and rael. The jedi doth protest too much methinks  

ALSO how much of qui-gon thinking the council was too lenient with rael after he had to kill his padawan is about that actual situation, and how much is a ‘our family still likes my older brother more than me even though he Fucked Up so bad and breaks just as many rules as I do’ sort of deal mixed with his own neuroses about how he’s failing obi-wan (to which rael’s situation symbolizes the worst possible outcome, i.e. the kid dies and it’s basically your fault). Many thoughts. 

- moment of silence for jenza of house serenno. Girl your only sin was being surrounded by asshole male family members and I’m so sorry I think you did all you could with what you had to work with here.

Not… entirely sure how dooku’s claim to the title supersedes hers — is he a year older than her? (she’s eleven when they first meet, he might be twelve or older at that point I don’t remember haha) Does she just give up her place in the inheritance order? Are primogeniture and male heir preference factors in Serenno inheritance law? Not the most important thing honestly it works anyway thematically but could have been clarified quickly!

- interesting to see that the council’s restrictive policy against engaging with prophecies had a surprisingly big impact on how things went down. Kostana has a lot of responsibility in Sifo’s fate for insisting he keep it secret, but there is genuine fear for what might become of him if the rest of the order finds out he’s got 24/7 futurevision hovering over him threateningly… listen it’s not like the poor guy can help getting the future constantly pumped into his brain at nightmare resolutions, I think maybe if there had been more willingness to at least engage curiously with the concept of prophecy and how it works, even if you don’t put your faith in the particulars of what the prophecies say, this wouldn’t have had to be such a shitty isolated secretive life for him. hearing him slowly fall apart over the years considering how bright and lovely he started out... oof is all I can say 

- when dooku was a good jedi he was such a good jedi!!! The scene where they’re saving the kids from the collapsing hospital, every time he teaches his students anything…the impulse of someone has to do something about this! that made him so good at saving lives turning dark with the tarnish of frustration and rage over the years… nooooooooo problematic grandpa why did it have to be like this :(

- …do you think infant jedi can sense what’s going on around them in the Force. Because it makes a very sad kind of sense if dooku on some level remembers bodily or in the Force that he was not only abandoned but rejected in disgust as one of the first things he discovered in the world. Oh boy. With all the ways attachment relationships can go wonky in the first few years in real life I don’t even want to consider how much more wrong it can go when the baby is fucking psychic lol

- vaguely related: the way dooku seems to find the very idea of being truly reliant on anyone, emotionally or otherwise, personally offensive, terrifying and humiliating lol. Yoda saves him from being crushed by rubble and he is outraged because that means he can’t save himself (and his newfound sister) without anyone’s help like he thought for one glorious moment he could. The fantasy of perfect emotional self-sufficiency, doing away with all the messiness and risk of interpersonal relationships and cutting off the possibility of really being abandoned again. It’ll get ya every time. This is also a thing you see reflected in his lineage — they’re all quite inward-turning that way until you get to anakin, to different extents and with varying presentations but it is there I think. Qui-Gon turns to the Force, Obi-Wan to perfectionism and shame and rumination, Rael to the bottle and depression and hedonistic apathy, but they all struggle hugely with letting anyone in to help them. Dooku’s line are all much more comfortable being the helpers rather than the helpees, as it were.  

- “Thank you for everything, Lene. Tell Rael and Qui-Gon — tell them… tell them the Force will be with them, always”

Emotional terrorism against me specifically and personally. You asshole you just excused yourself from the non-attachment rules there’s literally nothing in the world except you to stop you from reaching out and telling your children you love them yOURSELF why are you like this

- the recurring theme of dooku seeing something beautiful (the tree in the temple, the tirra’taka as a child and an adult) and ending up lashing out to destroy it… but the tree was old and mighty and he was young and new and couldn’t truly harm it, so he was saved from his own impulsivity. And then when he sees the tirra’taka as an adult he loves it immediately. And in the end he still mangles and destroys it. He didn’t mean to, but he did. He woke it up and hurt it just by existing as a child and then he had to kill it as a mercy because he was too powerful at that point for anything to buffer his mistakes. The parallel with the bird he loved that he also couldn’t protect. He starts out with an aching loneliness somewhere at the core of him through no real fault of his own but by the end it is entirely his own fault that it’s worse, because he starts wrecking everything he loves in an almost absent-minded but definitely intentional way, like it’s a nightmare he’s listening to through the door as it happens in the next room over. He really IS the ‘I just felt like destroying something beautiful’ central of the jedi.

at the end qui-gon is dead and through dooku’s own influence, however indirectly. Rael has had to turn away from him. Sifo-Dyas is dead on Dooku’s own orders and so is his sister, he might as well have done it with his own hands. (though I think it’s very interesting that in each case he didn’t do it with his own hands, he consistently uses a middleman.) He lives within the coldness of his sterile empty castle and horrifically mistreats the one person he might have found something like connection with the way he did with his students before (Ventress), deliberately trapping her in a similar state of utter desolate isolation and telling her, essentially, ‘We’re like this as people and nothing can be done to change it. We can’t escape, we’re already doomed, stop trying, it’s too late. You are just like me (and if you aren't already I'll make you like me)’. And that’s the closest thing he gets to love anymore. When he accused Ky of using her ‘as a salve for his own loneliness’ and you’re like well well well mr projection man how’s that working out for you. He is completely, shatteringly alone and he is so entirely as a consequence of his own actions and he's too far gone to understand or care. I’m howling you useless fucking FOOL dooku  

- dooku 🤝 john gaius

“Hm. I have observed that there are in fact many flaws in our society and the government is deeply corrupt. So if I kill a few billion people here and there in order to fix it, is that not basically okay when you really think about it” 

Dooku making salient points about the political and ethical failures of the Republic and then, just when you think he’s onto something, he goes and makes The wildest fucking decisions about what to do about it. Sure. dark magic and genocide are probably the only ways out of this you’re so right bro. If we make enough minuses to add together surely we’ll end up in plus sooner or later

- *head in my hands once more* I can’t believe I am genuinely emotionally invested in someone called Count Dooku with the looks of a knockoff dracula and ultimate moral character to match right now this is terrible. hey. hey dooks. what you have to go and fuck everything up so bad for huh I’m so incredibly sad now

there is something to be said about how getting to see glimpses of what dooku looked like in the light makes it so much more heartwrenching that he never came back. he could have, a thousand times. and every time he chose not to.

[thisdreamplace]

hi is anon who writes too much haha! Hru💗

I want to share some experiences I’ve been having and a question

just really letting go and being.

life is really Beautiful when you just be

one extreme subconscious belief i guess I had was “everytime when good things happen. Bad things always do” I used to really spiral over this. I was so afraid. But then I asked myself “ can I let go of this and know all is okay? that god is on my side, that everything will be ok”. I was crying one night fearing “what if everything is terrible and will never be ok “ I allowed it but the something just came into awareness “what if I can trust god. what if I can trust and let go” and I did, I still felt like a crying mess and so very saddened. but I had a sense of trust , my heart was filled with love.

(I’ll speak in 3rd person but ) anon also had a huge fear or want. to being mysterious like… not telling anyone how they felt lalala or even feeling embarrassed about telling how they felt about something like they where right or wrong or how they inferior if they where nice lala. When I realized that was also conditioned, not my burden to bear I cried in relief, knowing just this was never something I needed to let go off. I’m ok haha

I feel like also one thing is we conditioned our self to others behaviors and what we determine as us (the false self) like example I realized my specific negative thoughts where a pattern. I asked myself “ do I really think this way? or am I conditioned too?” “Is this really me?”, my fears and thoughts and wants and needs are all just what I’ve always thought I needed to have, haha living a life without any of those is sure scary but… not a bad! More like a new unknown understanding! Like knowing there’s no meaning behind it , like the thought itself being a conditioned thing, idk it feels just nice , I can leave it be , beacuse it doesn’t mean anything.

The key is no longer allowing it to have meaning for you. - thisdreamplace

now I live my days having fun :) or even just being or enjoying all knowing I’m not bound to anything. it’s nice even when the hard times happen , still need to work on that tho 🐭

my question is.

when circumstances or even a overwhelming situation , or even badly reacting to something and you regret it. How do you deal with it, I always surrender to god and know everything will be ok. But I’m wondering if you have advice haha, like what are some things you do to regulate and help in times like this. sometimes moving on (letting go ) of everything feels a bit terrifying , even how do you stop seeing things as a bad moment? sometimes the heart feels so full and the head feels so firey

hope to talk soon again I miss your posts dream 🌌thank you for everything once again

-anon who talks too much 🍩

hewwo <3 i hope youre doing well!! sorry its taken me some time to finally write back !!

i love all of this ! feeling everything out, while simultaneously allowing yourself to feel that possibilities can be different. i love reading messages from yall, because they always spark deeper understandings in myself as well. it's a really beautiful cycle between us

hmm i think to answer your question, i usually don't try to make something seem other than how i feel it is. instead i accept it all in that moment, or at least try to anyway. it's not always easy of course. but through acceptance you have a lot less resistance toward an issue, and like that it can easily be transformed. so its not always about making ourselves drop it, sure its nice if we can. but if not, its okay to be there in that moment too. allowing it to be what it is, and moving on when the emotions arent as heavy.

anyway <3 thanks so much for reaching out again !! :') and awwwe thank you. i havent had much inspo lately, life has been really busy but ofc, whenever inspiration strikes, you'll see another post by me !!

[persephoneflouwers]

So I read your posts about Saturdays and I agree with your analysis, I liked them a lot, thanks for making them because I couldn't put some thoughts into words like you did. What I was going with this anon is that I don't understand why when Louis sang it live there was a sea of ​​rainbows. I'm not against it or anything, I really love everything and the different interpretations seem perfect to me. But I don't understand how they connect Saturdays with something related to the community? I ask you why you can explain me better. I thought that maybe how the melody can convey hope to you, something like "yes, we said that Saturdays take away the pain but it's not always like that, and that's fine" and as if as the song progresses everything intensifies until it reaches the boom and yell "today may not be okay, my heart may be broken, but this isn't always going to be this way either, and it's okay because I'm going to be!" I don't know if what I said is logical but it's just thoughts I had at 1:30 am hahaha sorry for bothering you, I hope you're well :))

Hi angel! How are you? Thank you for asking. Saturdays is a layered song, it’s not easy to extract the true meaning and obviously every analysis is personal and super-valid. I was surprised to see the rainbows during the song ngl! Saturdays is such a melancholic song and maybe people like to involve it during fan actions because the slow tempo and the emotional burden it carries help building an intimate moment with all the flags and colours. Personally I would choose different songs for rainbows (bigger than me would be my first choice!).

If we go a bit through the lyrics of Saturdays, they don’t stand out as very queer to me. But that’s my interpretation and I can’t really talk over how a song can resonate for other fans. There are some lines that can recall this image of belonging to a queer community. For example “I’m not supposed to be feeling dirty cheap in Silver street”. It can be read as “i’m alone (dirty cheap) in a crowd (silver street)”, like a way of saying he struggles to find his place in a community where he doesn’t feel like he belongs entirely because he’s not out? Is he acknowledging the fact that his public image doesn’t meet the community standards in a way? Idk. This feels a bit forced and too much projection imo. That’s why my interpretation of the song goes in a complete different direction.

What I find extremely interesting when it comes to Louis’s songs is how constant such themes happen to be. Of course, I don’t know what they mean to him but this consistency helps me figure out.

He mentions change/changes/changing a lot in his songs. There are songs where he says change is inevitable and others where he says nothing changes. I don’t think he is contradicting himself (possible, but I like to give things a deep meaning usually). I think he refers to changes in different ways because he’s approaching changes in different moments, situations. I will elaborate my thoughts a bit. And I’m sorry this is taking so long to reply… anyway. Let’s report how many times Louis talks about this topic in his songs:

The Greatest: time came and changed it all

Bigger Than Me: when somebody told me I would change

Saturdays: some things change

Common People: nothing’s changed

Holding Onto Heartache: the nights they changed in seasons

Change: everything has changed, but I feel the same inside.

High in California: spent my whole life just thinking I had to change

COACOAC is the epitome of things that don’t change.

I listened to walls after a loooong time and AFAIK this topic/word are not in it. There are references to changes VS something that remains the same tho. Habit, Always you etc give this idea of a person/a thing that stays when everything around is somehow changing. Surprisingly Perfect Now has the line don’t ever change, which made my heart happy cause I love PN and she didn’t deserve the treatment she got starting from Louis and from all fans too but alas.

Where I am going with this is clearly change(s) are a huge topic in Louis’ music. I know my method of analysis is too scientific but making a list of how he approaches the topic in his songs allows me to distinguish 2 big categories that I will label as “Change YES” and “Change NO” lol.

I can’t go on for ever about this, I’ll cut it short. To me, when he wants to talk about the person he is or wants to be, about his personal journey with his sexuality, inner struggles and/or inner emotional fights, his resolution is clear: he’s not changed. He embraces it and accepts it (when you know, you know in OTB / I can tell you’re the same as me in ATT / all the above mentioned examples). My point is when he speaks on his queerness experience or the perception of it, he seems pretty sure he can’t change. Just to elaborate it a bit: somebody told him he would change in BTM, meaning he hasn’t changed and we knew already because he had made it pretty clear in Change and obviously in COACOAC.

When he’s talking about daily life things, ordinary things… well shit happens and he knows it. He knows some events can happen that will change more or less you and the way you go on with your days. Events like grief, hiatus, decisions from when you were 18… do you see what I mean?

That’s a pretty safe key for me to interpret his songs actually. Of course, I may be wrong! But til now, this Change YES/NO algorithm (lol) has helped me navigate his lyrics with a clear idea in mind. My opinion might be a little biased since I associate the poetics of Saturday as a concept to the poets I’ve read before with the theory of pleasure and stuff, but it makes sense to me like this for now!

We could write a similar post about the way he drops light/dark theme too, but that’s another story.

Hope this answered your question and thank you for asking <3

[ye-local-simp]

Hellooo~ I saw u doing matchups so I thought I'd participate in this event as well! At first I wanted to wait with my request because my birthday is actually on the 5th of March, but that's when the event ends- SO HERE I AM :D I'd like to have a romantic matchup with a twst boi pls. Btw, please excuse my awkward communication skills lol

Thank youuu in advance if u accept my request.

(General stuff)

My name is Yade/Jade (the way its written changes in literally every country- not me sobbing in confusion rn), I'm female, use she/her pronouns and … I am weird. 160cm tall, (i have no frickin idea what that is in feet- I am European lol I think it's 5'2 tho), my parents are from west asia (turkey) but I was born in Austria. (Btw, idk if dis is important but zodiac is pisces and mbti is infp/intp. Its weird)

Appeareance:

I have a diamond shaped head with sharp facial features, my dark brown hair goes down to my neck but I always tie 'em up in a messy bun so that my shorter hair strands at the front can do their own thing xD Body type is hourglass and my clothing style is pretty casual held in pale/light colors.

Personality~

-Very accepting, polite and respectful. I value these three traits a lot as they are the foundation of relationships in my opinion.

- Intelligent and wise, if I do say so myself. I have gone through quite a lot of stuff so I'd say I am more mature than others my age.

-My humor is broken af but my fam and friends tell me Im funny so I'll just go with that HAHA

- Calm and Resilient. Even tho my writing style is quite chaotic and seemes energetic I am NOTHING like that in rl. I'm pretty laid-back and calm. Not shy or timid. I just like to relax xD I am pretty resilient as well- not easy to break mentally or physically.

-I tend to get defensive extremely fast and without even realizing it. Sometimes I am ignorant, other times I am stubborn. (Lazy as well but we don't talk about that HAHA)

Hobbies/Interests/Likes/Dislikes

Gardening (Nature in general), reading, listening to music (very important- my earphones are my bebes) and designing/decorating. I am also very interested in languages. I can speak 6 rn and hope to speak a lot more in the future!

Ideal date/lover~

-Okay, so first of all- I am very inexperienced when it comes to romantic relationships. The only thing I am good at is rejecting ppl LOL

-Anyways- An ideal date for me would probably be something simple and not overly extravagant. A simple picnic, a library date or just staying at home cuddling together and watching some movies. If you couldn't already tell my love language is quality time so as long as I get to spend time with them I'm happy!

-Now onto the ideal lover… the thing is, I don't really have a type. I don't care about appearance, the only thing I care about is that my partner is somebody who I can trust and feel comfortable with. Communication is also very important so maybe somebody who knows how to handle any kind of situation. I am a task-oriented person so my partner should be confident in what he does.

- Other then that I am just happy when I have somebody in my arms when I fall asleep <3

Sorry if this was too long.. i think i overdid it :,)) IM SORRY (OMG 600 WORDS- MY BAD)

You are matched with...

Riddle!!

-He will throw small teaparties for you two to enjoy, have walks around the garden and take you to see the hedgehogs

-Whatever it is , his dates with your are always unique and cute.

-Riddle believes that if you make a commitment, you should always stay true to it, including you relationship.

-He handles every situation even though most of the time he flies into rage for you.

-But at least, the work is done

[sometimesiwritethings]

IDK if this is weird to say, but I just kinda wanted you to know that you were a big part of the reason I became an Atiny?

Like, I knew one or two songs by ATEEZ just by sheer exposure to the internet and Stray Kids by the point I first came across your blog, but I read your Yandere!Seonghwa fic and was like, "Well, damn. That's a lot but I think I'm into it??? Huh. Time to do some exploring as to why the looks of this man really fit how the author wrote him personality-wise."

And then I ran into your Mommy!Seonghwa fics when I was scrolling through AO3 (I'm pretty sure it's you posting those there? I'm not gonna assume anything for certain tho.) and thought to myself, "Damn. Never thought about calling a dude "Mommy" in like, a sexy way. Kinda into that, now that I'm taking the time to think about it. Either way, is he the "mom" figure of the group? That'd also be really ironic, especially since those types tend to be my bias..." *cue frantic googling and guide-watching, along with MV-watching*

And now here I sit, a proud Seonghwa & Mingi biased Atiny, with the other six as bias wreckers lol. (Hongjoong in particular hits me hard, but in reality, the list of things I wouldn't let any of these men do to me is pretty short tbh.)

All this to say, I probably wouldn't have done all that if I hadn't run across your Yandere!Seonghwa fic in a Tumblr search like, about a year ago I think? Maybe a little longer? So thank you for that! I hope you take all this as the compliment I meant it as, and not just someone's weird ramblings in your inbox lol. Have a good morning/day/evening/night! <3

it's not weird at all! i love when readers ramble in my inbox 💜

i never imagined that my yandere content + mommy Hwa propaganda of all things would draw people into the Ateez fandom, but i'm extremely happy to hear that was your experience!

thank you so much for this little boost of happiness, anon ~

(and yes, sometimesiwritethingsonAO3 is indeed my AO3 account)

[gibbearish]

this version of this post has been popping off recently which makes me really happy bc of how many people are learning they might have this disorder and it can be treated, however it is also a slight bummer because this version has a lot more info on how you can treat it yourself as well. so with that, i am once again requesting assistance, pls spread this version too if you can !! it really is helping people, ive been going through the notes today to direct ppl to that version and idk it just. makes me Feel Things knowing the good that's come of this? and wanted to share a few so ppl would know like. look what we did!! look at the people we helped!!!

(once again throwing the alt under readmore)

image id: screenshots of 11 sets of tumblr tags.

the first reads "#hold the FUCKING phone youre telling me im not the only one who couldnt fit a tampon in??? #man i had several people insist to me i was just doing it wrong #i knew i wasnt #dude if i had known this years ago i know what the first thing i bought with my first paycheck would have been i stg".

the second reads "#This is literally so important. #13 year old me needed this post so badly so please let the minors see it. #it is important to know about these kinds of things early on #it is important for children to know that their pain is abnormal so that it doesn't worsen. #i didn't know i had vaginismus until i was an adult #all i knew as a kid in a religious family was that I couldn't put a tampon in without excrutiating pain #and that i was one day going to be expected to "please" my husband #which was terrifying #for an extremely long time i had a phobia of sex and birth #still kind of do at the age of 26 #and it could have been prevented had i been allowed to know about ny body as a child".

the third reads "#Sex ed #i'm actually crying #Because i didnt know other people dealt with this. i thought it was just a 'oh poor little insecure 'virgin' '''girl''' thing #i can only fit one brand of tampon in. #this is probably way too personal but i feel seen because of this post so #i mean i knew about the dilators and therapy because of my close friend but i didnt know there was a name for this."

the fourth reads "#..... #today i learned i might have vaginismus #this is the second Nickle where tumblr taught me things about myself where it's not normal #tampons aren't supposed to hurt??? insane #no wonder i felt off about vaginal penetration but i thought that was the ace in me #still is about the ace in me but it's another thing too".

the fifth reads "#no yeah this is incredibly important #like. i started crying reading this #tmi obvi given the subject matter #but like. im ace! and i had just. given up on experiencing anything with that #because im ace and i can easily 'live without it' #the idea of it never being enjoyable and always being painful even tho im emotionally neutral on the act itself like #i thought 'well. that sucks but its fine cuz its not like i crave it. im ace. i don't need it' #when like. i CAN do it it doesnt HAVE to hurt theres things that can be done and it doesnt have to be scary and awful!!!! #i knew about the dilators for the longest time. they intimidated me out of getting help because #i just didnt think i could force myself through that regularly until it 'got better' #but i can use wearable toys!!!! it doesnt have to be awkward and stiff!!!!!!! i can get help and DO something about it oh my god #i finally stopped crying but oh my god".

the sixth reads "#resource #reference #wait wait wait #this is. a THING???? #i dont use tampons because its so painful to take them our!!! #and the only ones i can get IN are the smallest size #and it takes FOREVER because its SUPER uncomfortable #youre telling me this is an actual thing and i could treat it #????????".

the seventh reads "#oh? 👁️👄👁️ #today i learned i might have... vaginismus... #thank you for making this post and sharing it 🙏 #penetration even with smaller objects has always been painful for me and i never knew why 🥲 #tmi".

the eighth reads "#SAVE #SCREAMS #on main bc its medical this is important shit".

the ninth reads "#long post #holy shit i may have to research this #would explain some things #vaginismus".

the tenth reads "#i wish id know this when i was younger #i grew up in a very religious household where purity culture was very strict #sex literally became traumatizing cuz it hurt so bad #i'm almost 30 now and working throufh that trauma and the pain of something i left untreated for a decade".

the last one reads "#OH MY GOD #THANK YOU #ARE YOU SHITTING ME #ive NEVER been able to put a tampon in and the one time i got one half-in hurt like hell #NO ONE EVER FUCKING TOLD ME THIS WAS A THING I THOUGHT I WAS JUST DOING IT QRONG #im actually crying oh my god #brb im gonna do some research #GOD FUCK #THANK YOU OP AND CONTRIBUTORS #save #save for later #important #vaginismus #sex ed". end description.

got a good grade in physical therapy because i ordered a sex toy life is fun

[lets-talk-spirituality]

Thank for responding to my note about having a quiet life; I really appreciate you trying to understand my perspective.

on that note I just wanted to address how you said “I have wild nights when they come up because I believe in living life to the fullest.”

because similarly to how you talked about people who are force-fed anti-drug just-say-no messages, Ive found a lot of us are fed this idea that life has to be a certain way for it to be fulfilling.

wild nights aren’t fulfilling for everyone just like quiet nights aren’t fulfilling for everyone- and by that I mean the live life to its fullest. I know for me going out and drinking and getting up close and personal with strangers in a club (or whatever) is like a meta kind of hell for me. But if you give me a nice dinner with friends/family where we’re laughing so hard we almost choke or having deep conversations or dancing in the kitchen…all followed by a hot bath, a good book, and writing….now that is living life to the fullest for me.

I really try hard to empathize and understand other people and their lives and perspectives (hence the books! Lol) which is honestly why I keep circling all the stuff about Harry because he seems so contradictory at times (tho as a Gemini myself I GET the contradiction omg haha) and it’s like impossible to pinpoint who he really is. To me it’s like a mystery and I’m a detective (yes I also read lots of those) trying to understand him. Maybe not the best use of my time but lol where’s a friend supposed to get their Sherlock fix in this day and age?

Oh my bad I wasn’t trying to imply you don’t. I think more and more I’m aware that what makes me feel alive can be more extreme. I think peace can feel almost like being numb to me so I think I seek out like heightened experiences and to me that’s what it feels like to be alive. I know that’s not necessarily healthy because yeah it’s probably part of the thrill of relationships with unavailable people. There’s a part of me that needs that thrill. To me life to the fullest is that extremity. I guess.

There’s this quote I keep going back to: “That part of me which seems old to you was worn out by intense and premature experience. It was the self-abuse of all one’s emotions, and one came through it, if one did at all, with a sense of almighty boredom and fretfulness.”

It’s from Lost Horizon and this guy is being told how he’s so wise for someone so young and that’s his response. And it really resonated. When you live on high key mode, whether you tried to or not, I do think it warps your ability to find joy in things. And to relate to people with more normal or I guess less intense experiences.

I realize my last ask response to you also sounded sort of passive but I didn’t mean it to come across like that and thanks for this response. I’m human too. I try to preach being open minded and owning up to mistakes and I try my best to do that too. Even though I don’t always succeed so thanks for seeing that and giving me a chance to make amends. Because I actually sort of wish I could be more like that. That I didn’t need more to feel okay. Maybe we’ll get there one day. But sometimes idk if you can rewire everything. Maybe some people are meant to live fast and hard. Idk.

I feel sometimes what you’re talking about—I guess that’s belonging— and I don’t alway need substances to feel alive or connected but again, a lot of my experiences make me feel very disconnected from people. I guess that’s what makes it so hard when I do feel connected to someone and they eventually go away.

And same. I like the mental mystery. I don’t think he sounds contradictory but I think half the time I contradict myself in the same sentence and it’s because half the time I do believe both and I am both. That’s sort of the allure though, never pinpointing for sure.

[2-cute-4-school]

𝚗𝚌𝚝 𝚍𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚖 𝚛𝚎𝚊𝚌𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗 𝚝𝚘 𝚊 𝚌𝚞𝚍𝚍𝚕𝚢, 𝚎𝚡𝚑𝚊𝚞𝚜𝚝𝚎𝚍 𝚜/𝚘

a/n: hiiiii so i decided to make this a 2in1 reaction; basically i just put together 2 of my requests that were *in my opinion* closely related. hope y’all don’t mind and enjoy!! ( ˊᵕˋ )♡.°⑅

requested by annonies: ‘Hey.. could you please do nct dream reaction to s/o having high fever and just wants cuddls? 🥺 like how would they take care of them.. make it fluffy please.’ & ‘nct dream reaction to their s/o being EXTREMELY tired and then like ummmmm cuddling and stuff maybe?? *uwuing in the distance*’

Mark Lee

okay but just imagine this (๑◕︵◕๑)

cuddle sessions when you’re both stretched thin and overworked

even though we all know he isn’t big on skinship i think he would throw all reticence out the window when it’s crystal clear that you both NEED each other ꒰๑˃͈꒳˂͈๑꒱ﾉ*ﾞ̥

so you just crawl under the bankets into his arms and you both just lay together in silence just enjoying each other’s presence

bonus points if he runs his hand through your hair and you trace shapes with the pads of your fingers on his skin (´,,•ω•,,)♡

it would probaby take a couple of lazy kisses and if you’re really really soft he might just hum some song lowly in your ear

just a lil heads up:

you ain’t getting out of his arms ‘til next morning so better hope you peed beforehand and have a bottle of water in reach (ಠ‿↼)

the only thing that would make him get up without a second thought?

if you’re feverish because of your exhaustion

his worry wouldn’t allow him to settle down until he’s 110% sure he made everything in his power to keep you comfortable 

“cold towels, water, painkillers just in case, is there anything i’m forgetting? babe, should i make you some tea-”

“mark, you know what would make me feel SO much better?”

“huh?” ｢(ﾟ<ﾟ)ﾞ??

“CUDDLES, BABE, CUDDLES!!” (╬ Ò ‸ Ó)

you don’t have to say that twice, your man is tucking you into his side in an instant flash ain’t got nothing on mark, he’s a man on a mission

he’ll try to stay awake long enough to make sure you’ve fallen asleep properly since he knows your fever won’t go away without proper rest

might hover over you the next morning too!! ( ≧Д≦)

Huang Renjun

this boy would FRET like CONSTANTLY

especially if you develop a fever 

he keeps piling up a lot of stuff in your room, anything he deems would be potentially helpful at some point is surrounding your bed

“jun, why tf is a cactus on my nightstand?” Σ(-᷅_-᷄๑)

“what if haechan walks through the door?”

“... understandable” ¯\_( ◉ 3 ◉ )_/¯

your room looks like a deposit at this point and you’ve tried to drag him to bed more times than you can count

but he’s restless ༼ ಥ ‿ ಥ ༽

until your frustration topples over and you’re on the verge of tears as you ask him for ✨cuddles ✨

he might actually feel bad for not joining you earlier so he’s gonna be EXTRA soft with you enjoy it while you can

he’s gonna pepper kisses all over you as he encases you in his lil arms and nuzzles his face into the crown of your head (っ˘з(˘⌣˘ )

he’s ready to offer free massages or head scratches!!!! LIMITED OFFER DON’T MISS OUT!!!

also he’s ready for literally anything

fever? medicine and wet towels nearby. thirst? 4 bottles of water AND gatorade. hunger? your favourite take out is waiting. any intruders? cactus is right by his hand. cuddles? CUDDLES!!!!! (۶* ‘ꆚ’)۶”

i think he’ll probably stay up even after you fell asleep, reading about how exhaustion affects one’s body and how to help i just think he’s a really wholesome person despite his all ‘don’t talk to him he angy’ character

but he’s still SO attentive to you!!

he’s down to anything that would make you feel better and if that means 20 hours of non stop cuddling so be it (๑•̀ㅂ•́)و✧

Lee Jeno

i think he’d be REALLY clingy with you even in normal circumstances kind of like how he’s with mark ya know

so your affected well-being will just give him an extra reason to evolve to his ULTIMATE LEVEL OF PHYSICAL AFFECTION◝( ′ㅂ`)و ̑̑

he won’t let you lift A FINGER

my man is cuddling you even while standing up (灬 ♡ ω ♡ 灬)

he’s also going to insist on carrying you anywhere even if it’s just from the bed to the bathroom this boi is strong you have no excuse to shy away from him he won’t let you

you have no chance at escaping him btw his arms are made of iron when it comes to cuddles good luck prying them off you

and even though he’s clearly focusing on your requested cuddles, he’ll ask you from time to time if you need anything, how you’re feeling, if you’re comfortable

lowkey uses the excuse of checking your temperature to give you endless forehead kithes cuz he can (*＾∀ﾟ)ъ

he also becomes kind of hyperaware of every little move you make

you shiver? he’s cocooning you in yet another blanket. you’re becoming restless? he adjusts your cuddling position until you’re fully comfortable.

NOTHING gets past him ┌༼ σ ‸ σ ༽┐

idk why but i have a hunch that jeno sleeps like a rock

so if he happens to fall asleep too and you need to get up? pfft yeah sure better call for a crane to lift you up from the bed  ૮( ᵒ̌ૢꇴᵒ̌ૢ )ა｡

he’s also going to be EXTREMELY cranky if anyone dares interrupt your extended cuddle session this is strictly ‘only y/n and jeno time’

he might also entertain you with a few pictures of his cats if you’re feeling soft or ugly pictures of his members if you need a good laugh

would totally recommend leaving yourself in jeno’s care!! ♡(.◜ω◝.)♡

Lee Haechan

he would LIVE for your cuddle sessions (●♡∀♡))

despite that, he WOULDN’T STAND you being uncomfortable for a single second if he can do something against that

i think he’s the type of person who wouldn’t leave even the smallest of papercuts untreated when it comes to his partner so exhaustion? fever? yeah no. frickin. way. ┐(;Ծ⌓Ծ;)┌

and after he’s absolutely sure he has everything you might need nearby and put a cold cloth on your forehead and made sure you were hydrated and well fed

he finally climbs into bed with you and just SMOTHERS the shite outta you i’m not even kidding ꒰๑*´ᗜ`*꒱*›◡‹꒱꒱

he’s full on *leech mode*, kisses and nuzzles and gentle caresses

and best part of the package? this man is a walking spotify premium!!

you get to choose whatever song you want and switch with no ads and he has no complaints since his payment is already made in cuddles

you thought this was the end of it?? SIKE

also an entertainment king!!  ୧༼✿ ͡◕ д ◕͡ ༽୨

we all know he probably has shit on all of the members and he’s not shy to do some harmless story telling to put you in a good mood

so just imagine and try coming up with anything better

sleepy you engulfed in the sunshine himself’s arms, tightly cradled against him with his soothing honey voice murmuring and humming to you and only you ˭̡̞(◞⁎˃ᆺ˂)◞*✰

his protective side might surface too btw

no one is allowed near you and if someone somehow managed to bother you? oh hell naw  🙃

now they’re on hyuck’s black list good luck mate

his babie gets the royalty treatment in those times guaranteed

Na Jaemin

he’s a doting boyfriend either way i think we can all agree on that

but you clinging to him and asking for cuddles? you not feeling well?

yeah not on his watch mother hen in action part the sea (ﾉ･ｪ･)ﾉ

i don’t think he’d panic tho, his only struggle would be postponing the cuddles you’re asking for while he prepares something to eat and a tea and fluffs up the pillows and blankets he’s gathered (oꆤ︵ꆤo)

but once he’s done?

yeah you’re bundled in a mountain of softness and most importantly? our cuddle bug jaemin (♡ >ω< ♡)

he’ll keep you propped up against his chest while he feeds you himself, proper care is something unskippable in his agenda

but after that any cuddling position is FREE REAL ESTATE!!

anything his baby wants, his baby gets ෆ╹ .̮ ╹ෆ

but for the sake of his mental stability he’d prefer to be in a position from where he can see you

boi is too worried to let you out of his sight so he’s aiming to be the big spoon or facing you directly 三 ( ◜◡‾)っ)⁰▿⁰)

he’ll help you fall asleep in any way he can

he’ll caress your back, your arms, he’ll softly massage your neck and shoulders, he has a playlist ready for sleepy moods

he is PREPARED ٩(๑•̀ㅂ•́)و

he checks your temperature every so often and he grumbles with a pout if it doesn’t seem to be going down

but if it comes down to it he won’t hesitate to ask someone to bring some medicine and if your exhaustion and/or fever doesn’t relent he’ll insist on getting checked by a doctor

it would break his heart to see you so weak and no ammount of cuddles could repair it until he sees you up and healthy again (◕⌓◕;)

but he’ll do all the pampering in the world so don’t worry

Zhong Chenle

i think he would hesitate at first but only because he’s kinda scared he’ll only make it worse and he WOULDN’T want that ( ⚆ _ ⚆ )

eventually i guess he’d step out to call his mum for help before he pulls some bull like ‘let’s do some math it’s gonna be fun’ and you lose your shit like no thanks fam i wanna live (┛ಠДಠ)┛彡┻━┻

he’ll listen RELIGIOUSLY to his mum’s advice 

makes you some chamomile exactly how you like it, probably pulls together something small to eat but won’t force you

what he will force you to take is some medicine you ain’t dying on his watch (๑･`▱´･๑)

and most importantly... DAEGAL CUDDLES!!!! imagine getting to cuddle every nctzen’s bias

he might get *a little* jelly tho if you pay too much attention to her tho

so he makes up some dumb excuse about dog hair aggravating your fever or some dubious other reason why you have to let go of his puppy and cuddle HIM!! ೕ(•̀ᴗ•́)

he’ll do that cute thing where he leans his forehead against yours to check your temperature he has to be extra until the end

and before you go to sleep he’ll  try to prod at you to tell him what caused you to be so exhausted that you developed a fever might nag at you too about how unheathy it is to let it get to that point

he just wants to help okay? baby is worried in his own way ( •́ ∧ •̀ )

if there’s ANYTHING he can do to help consider it done by the time you wake up he’ll ALWAYS go an extra mile for you

and chenle wants to make sure you are aware of that and can lean on him so it never gets to this point again

but for the time being... it’s cuddles and relaxation time!! ✧(๑✪д✪)۶

better believe he’s already preparing a spa day for both of you to enjoy like the  ✨spicy ✨ bitches you are

Park Jisung

his heartbeat accelerates

and unfortunately it’s not because he’s flustered shame (#ﾟﾛﾟ#)

his only thought when he sees you with bag under your eyes and a cold wet cloth on your forehead is ‘shit, they’re dying wait no censor the first part i can’t get my mouth washed with soap but... poop, they’re dying’

ONE step away from calling for an ambulance or morgue in his mind

he SWEARS he’ll let you teach him how to ride a bycicle as long as you get out of this safe and sound (╬⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾ Д ⁽⁽ ⁰ ⁾⁾)

he’s a bit of a mess, but he’s your cute mess

it would take *quite* a bit of reassurance that you’re going to be fine after a good night’s sleep and some jisung time for him to somewhat relax

his cheeks will flush once he curls himself around your form no matter how many times you’ve cuddled before

but once you sigh blissfully once he wraps his arms around you, it’s game over for him ε=(｡♡ˇд ˇ♡｡）

he MELTS against you

he’ll caress your head and gently scratch your scalp, lays kisses on your cheeks/forehead/crown of your head

but he will also fret every time you toss and turn or you make any sound that seems ‘distressed’ to him

we all know he can sleep anywhere under a frickin carpet so he won’t have any problems adjusting to whatever works for you since all that matters to him atm is that you’re comfortable (♡ >ω< ♡)

he just wants you to get better faster

he’ll talk to you in a hushed voice, encouraging and praising you and assuring you that once you’re all better he’ll help you with whatever you need and EVERYTHING will be well in the end ٩(ó｡ò۶ ♡)

he’s a senstitive person so he just wants to be there for you in any shape and form he can be

[shugojima]

𝗔𝗸𝗮𝗮𝘀𝗵𝗶 𝗞𝗲𝗶𝗷𝗶 🍋♀️

Sensual play✔︎

Very soft✔︎

Aftercare✔︎

Condom cause he smart✔︎

Praising✔︎

♡︎

You were out with your friends. Those usual party nights you spend together, searching for a boy to fill you up. Yes, that's how much of a hoe you were. You just compensated your depression with dick. Some good dick made you forget about all the problems you had so why not making this a regular?

Dancing with some halfways attractive stranger you felt yourself getting thirsty. No, I don't talk about that kind of thirsty... hoe.

Walking your way to the bar you pushed some people aside and sat down to order your drink.

"Just give me something strong, please."

This lead to nothing. Not with this guy you thought. Also he seemed to be soft asf and you needed to get destroyed so why bother?

"Wanna talk about it?"

A soft but deep voice rang in your ear when you looked to your side and saw a pretty damn attractive guy. Black hair... beautiful, tourquise eyes... glasses... Damn. You had a thing for glasses. You thought those made every man look ten times hotter.

"Oh, sorry. Akaashi." he reached for your hand and you took it.

"Y/n... What made you think I need to talk?"

Smiling a little he said

"You just ran away from a guy you wanted to sleep with for whatever reason but figured it's not worth it, so you came here and ordered a strong drink to forget whatever is on your mind. So I just guessed you'd probably need someone to talk to."

"Well shit. You got me there... what a whore, huh?"

Sipping on your drink you tried to wash away the last blowjob you gave two hours ago as he looked at you kinda worried.

"Do you do that often?"

"Huh?"

"I mean using dick to cope with something."

You looked at him raising a brow.

"What are you my therapist?"

"You're right, I shouldn't have asked that. That was rude of me."

"Well, you certainly give off therapist vibes. With that look on your face, those glasses.. also what are you doing with pen and paper in a bar? Taking notes already?"

You felt you were getting comfortable due to the alcohol. He laughed a little and said

"Valid question, I guess. I'm a manga editor. That's just my worksheet. Usually I do that at home but I felt like I needed a drink."

The way he used his words so carefully and his overall behaviour made you wonder how high his IQ is.

Certainly a smart man and to be honest, that was a rare breed around here.

The two of you kept talking for over two hours and you really had a lot of fun. It wasn't the usual shit talk, nothing too flirty more deep. You also told him that he was right and you were actually just looking for a rough fuck but gave up hope when you noticed that guy was definetely a bottom.

Also... you were a little tipsy by now...

And that's where it started.

"So you think in order to forget everything around you, it has to be extremely rough?"

You looked at him confused. Well sure it has to be?!

"Uhm... yes? I mean... I at least never really enjoyed that soft shit. It's just... ughh idk I just like it hard."

A warm smile on his face your eyes met and his gaze was so intense, it send shivers down your spine. No way you would be able to break eye contact. Wow... just... wow. You felt like he was able to read your mind, look straight through you. He definetely had something about him. Something special that made your mind go blank.

"That isn't true."

"What?"

"I said that isn't true."

Who tf does he think he is? Thinking he knows what you like or not?

Looking into your eyes, no... basically into your soul, he said

"Sensual sex is something you need the right man for. You need to connect on a high level and feel real attraction. Not just to his dick but also to his personality. If you ever come across that man... Think of my words."

You sat there, mouth slightly agape and you didn't know why but his words somehow affected you... that deep voice, the way he spoke, its was erotic. No other way to put it. So you couldn't help but eventually press your legs a little together.

Sure, he noticed your reaction. He's a smart motherfucker after all...

Slowly placing his hand on your thigh he said

"That's what I was talking about. And I only used my words." He winked at you and you were already a puddle.

Blushing hard you almost spilled your drink when he broke eye contact first.

How did he do that? How could he get such a reaction out of you just by talking to you? Not even doing dirty talk, just by stating facts.

"How... I-...how?"

"Skill." He laughed.

TIMESKIP

"Make yourself at home, love. You relax a little I'll be right back."

You nodded and got a little comfortable on his bed. Sitting there you realized you had never been so nervous before you had sex.

Something was different this time and you were sure it was a positive change.

You knew each other for only about 4 hours now and you felt like you were already close friends. It was weird and if you'd believe in such things you'd say he's your soulmate.

The way he spoke about that connection people need to have... that had to be it.

When he came back he had more comfortable clothes on and a bowl with ice cubes in his hand as he sat himself besides you, placing the bowl on the carpet.

"How do you feel?"

"Good, I guess... not that drunk anymore."

"That's great to hear." he smiled as he leaned in whispering with his dark voice

"Because I want you to be sober enough to feel everthing to the fullest. Everything of me."

Gulp

"You're so nervous again just because of my words... You probably really love dirty talk, am I right?"

Eyeing me closely he didn't need an answer tho.

"Nevermind... Your legs are pressed together just like they were two hours ago."

Blushing hard you tried to act normal and keep your composure but that was absolutely impossible when he guided you onto his lap and looked deep into your eyes, through his black framed glasses. His mouth slightly open, not even half an inch from yours.

"If I'm doing it right, you're about to feel heaven, my love."

You wanted to feel his lips on yours so bad so you leaned in but he hold you in place, his hands on both sides of your head.

"No kissing. Heavy breathing can be just as erotic."

And that it was...

You just stayed like this, breathing in and out on opposite times, basically exchanging breaths. The air around you heating up rapidly as you closed your eyes and enjoyed this intense feeling.

"Can you feel the tension?" he breathed into your mouth before kissing you so sensual yet full of lust. He slightly bit your lower lip when he slid his tongue into your warm mouth, one hand on your back, the other slowly running through your soft hair.

You felt nothing less than loved in this exact moment and you already forgot about everything that made you feel so terribly sad earlier.

Never did a kiss feel so good.

When your slick lips seperated he leaned to your ear and whispered

"I can hear your heart beating."

Wanting to get rid of his glasses you stopped him in his tracks.

"Can you... leave the.. glasses on?"

Smirking knowingly he put the glasses with his middle finger back up the bridge of his nose.

"You like that, hm?"

"Y-yes... they.. look good on you."

"Note taken."

Carefully placing you with your back on his sheets he gave you a soft kiss on your forehead before he stood up.

"What.. are you-"

"I'm sorry, love. I don't do it raw."

"Oh r-right.."

Rummaging something in his drawer he put the shiny package on his bed side table before crawling up on top of you.

Your heart was beating out of your chest and you didn't even know why. He was a stranger after all. Someone you just met and still he made the butterflies in your belly you didn't even know you had, go fucking wild.

Your hips between his legs he slowly started to unbutton his grey and blue plaid shirt when you looked away blushing.

"Hey, eyes on me." He commanded softly, continuing with the last 3 buttons.

I'm sure my eyes had hearts in it by now when I saw his ripped body. Fuck... he was so hot. Those toned abs, perfectly on display with the low light that shone on them, leaving a little shadow under every muscle.

"My god..."

"And you wanted to look away in shame."

He smiled when he threw his shirt on the soft carpet near his bed and leaned in on you.

Kissing you again he carressed your deep red cheek and whispered

"Let me show you what real sex feels like."

You got the chills when he started to trail a path of soft kisses down your neck and sucked a little on your skin every now and then. Slight gasps leaving your throat he breathed heavily against your skin.

"You're so... so sensitive to my touch... "

"Wait.." You breathed out, wanting to get rid of your shirt as well so he could kiss you further.

Quickly taking it off so he can continue making you go crazy.

Holding you in this half sitting position he asked you if he could take off your bra as well when you nodded.

Skillfully opening it with one hand while his other cupped your cheek. He didn't stop kissing you until he layed you back down and took a moment to fully capture your feautures.

"You look absolutely beautiful, Y/n."

"Thank.. you, Akash-"

"Keiji."

Leaning down on you again his soft fingertips explored your body. Carressing along your neck, your collarbones, your breasts... before he pinched your hard buds slightly. Moaning softly you closed your eyes to make the feeling even more intense.

"Do you feel comfortable, love?"

"Y-yes... nghhh.. very much so.."

A warm smile on his face he reached for the bowl with ice cubes and put one into his mouth. Playing around with it a little until it completely melted he started licking circles around your bud. His cold tongue driving you crazy when he sucked slightly.

"Nghh... K-keiji.. that feels so good.."

Feeling his smile against your skin his hand found its way down your belly... to your skirt.

Hovering above you again he kissed you once more.

"You know where else that feels amazing?"

Melting another ice cube in his mouth he lifted your hips from the sheets and slowly took of your skirt along with your soaked panties.

Going down on you his cold tongue parted your slick lips making you throw your head back and moan loudly.

"Right here."

"Fuck."

He licked slowly but greedily along your wet slit, evetually sucking on your clit before he slid a finger inside and looked up at you.

"You're soaking wet, love. I thought you can only enjoy it the hard way?"

Inserting another finger you arched your back as you grinded on his fingers. Desperate for more.

Desperate for him.

"Keiji... I- I need more..."

"Is that so?" he smiled, curving his fingers inside making you scream as he hit your sweet spot.

"M-more... please!"

Pulling out slowly he licked your juice off them

and opened his belt before he stepped out of his jeans and pulled down his boxers.

"Holy shit."

Chuckling he went "Thanks I guess?"

He reached for the shiny package on the little table and opened it with his teeth before rolling it onto his hard cock.

Can we talk about how fucking big he is? Lord help you were thinking of calling an ambulance in advance.

"You know... I don't have to be rough on you to have you drowning in pleasure. There's no need to be when you know which bottons to push and when."

He said as he pushed his glasses back up the bridge of his nose when he leaned in on you and was close to your lips again, his eyes drilling holes into yours you felt his tip at your entrance.

"Right now you're craving my cock so bad that you'd basically do everything just to feel it rubbing against your walls. And I like that a lot. Not that I'd dare taking adventage of your miserable situation."

"Put.. it in... please, Keiji! I can't anymore!"

You whined as you tried to lower yourself onto his length just for him to grab your hips and hold you in place.

"Why are you so impatient, my love?" he breathed against your lips, pushing just his tip inside.

"Nghhh fuck! Please!!! Please I need more, Keiji!!"

"Remember this moment."

One deep thrust inside you screamed in heavenly pleasure, your eyes shut close and your back arching.

"OHH MY...GOD!"

Smirking at your reaction he took your hands and intertwined your fingers, holding them down besides your head when he started moving slowly.

"To me at least... It looks like you're enjoying it a lot."

His thick cock stretching you out to the limit, low growls leaving his mouth as the sounds of his balls hitting your ass and the squelching sound of your soaked pussy filled the room.

You were in heaven.

He brought heaven to you.

An endless rush of endorphines fluted your body as he teached you his way of pleasure.

He knew exactly what he did, how to do it and when. Noticing every little reaction coming from you and knew what it meant.

This man was a drug.

And you were about to get fucking addicted.

♡︎

Guys... I had to do a cut. This is getting sooo long and I really love how it turned out.

It's so sensual and sweet my heart is a puddle.

I will upload the second part as soon as possible.

Soft Akaashi is gold

😩🛐

[milfbro]

Please what are your thoughts on Merlin, I haven't thought about that show in 8 years

Forgive me lads for putting Merlin meta in your dash in 2022. I am sorry. But know that this could be much longer

important context tho, is that I find Merlin infinitely rewatchable cause I don't have to like, use my brain. So I pop an episode on sometimes. I must have rewatched the show like, 7 times over the years. Idk it's almost white noise for me

ok I guess my general thesis of the hypothetical presentation on Merlin I'd give on the fly is that Merlin is a show that's constantly in a tug of war against itself. It's already an extremely conservative show where the main theme is that 'things right now are bad, but we can change them for the better by keeping things exactly as they are' which is hilarious to me.

A bbc show for children can't encourage questioning authority and traditional values or the existence of the monarchy but also this show wants to have things to say about all of those topics. It wants to be modern but can't openly critique arthuriana, it's trying to both maintain the nonsense english identity and ideology attached to it over the centuries without embracing the weirdness of the old legends, but also is trying be hip and young, cash in on the freaky england fashion trend americans are going through

So how does that manifest in the show? Besides some vague nonsense with semi-colorblind casting and vague metaphors for every marginalized group possible? Every episode they introduce a new threat that, if they thought about it with the same mindset that they had in the previous episode, should lead them to the obvious conclusion that the monarchy that is currently committing genocide is bad. But they can't have that, so they have Gaius say the opposite of something he said in another episode (Gaius being the moral guide of each ep so we learn the new rules of the universe for the current one) and Merlin reacts as if it was understood that this new stance is the what they'd already had; they fight the threat and save the king. Rinse, repeat

It's a neverending cycle of moving goalposts and a completely fluid morality so that they always reach the same conclusion over and over and over, each episode echoing the overarching story. It's like a big conservative loop with no logic, only the idea that Arthur being king is good and will fix things (the genocide that is currently still happening), even after he is already king and is already not fixing anything. But he is 'the greatest king Camelot has ever had', whatever that means.

BUT there's a turn that happens in the last season that kind of collapses this whole schtick. I need to give context for this in case the person reading hasn't rewatched Merlin six times: Merlin is given the choice to save or kill Mordred, the guy he knows will kill Arthur. For convoluted reasons, saving Mordred will make magic legal. So Merlin has to choose to either save Arthur or end the prosecution of his own people. He saves Arthur, like he does for the entire show, and when he does that he accidentally kickstarts the last arc where Mordred kills Arthur and the show ends with magic remaining hidden for the rest of time. Thanks Merlin! This is kind of surreal coming from this show, and I AM reading too much into it obviously but you asked for it: the final arc is when Merlin has to face the fact that protecting the status quo and maintaining the state that is actively persecuting his people, doesn't do anything to end said persecution. He had the agency in this moment to cause the solution that he'd wanted the whole time but he doesn't do it because he has never accepted that the means to cause change is through change.

Anyway, the very ending of the show features Colin Morgan in old man make-up walking next to what I presume is the M-25 because it would be funny if it was. And we're meant to think that it's bittersweet and he's waiting for Arthur to return and take his place back on the throne, so he can be there to help him usher a new era where magic will be back to Albion. But given the reading I just gave you, the ending of Merlin, thematically, is a sad ending where the main character is still doing nothing to change the current world but expecting and hoping that change will come if we stay still. It's really sad and awfully tragic of the show. This is what will happen if you live your life to guard the institutions that do not love you back.

And that's what I have overthought about Merlin. I have much more where this came from. I'm sorry for this.

[bluebeewings]

Thanks for the recommendations! Putting them on my watchlist. I don’t have that many movies that I have read as aroace mostly because most of the movies I watch are explicitly queer movies (ironic) and they’re never about the aro/ace experience. Most of them are romances. Tho I feel like there is a lot of aromantic values (can I say that? Maybe sensibilities is a better word idk) in the most subversive ones (pretty much all of John Waters and queer films that focus more on sexual desire than any type of romantic connection like Shortbus and Kaboom (one of my all time favorite tho it has a tiny romantic subplot).

Out of those queer movies, the one I think has the biggest aro vibe is 1) Hedwig and the Angry Inch: The protagonist is clearly not meant to be aro or ace, but their journey involves feeling comfortable in their own skin and finding value in themselves instead of looking for it in romantic love. It’s an incredible musical and it stars with a song (called “origin of love”) romanticizing romantic and sexual love as this transcendental thing where humans used to have another half attached to themselves. When Zeus cut us, separating us from our other half, we were doomed to spend our lives looking for the missing part.

The way I interpret the movie is a subversion of this main song: Hedwig spends the whole movie trying to fill the whole that this non existing person would be able to. In the end, with my favorite song of the musical, Hedwig realises that they are complete: “And there's no mystical design/No cosmic lover preassigned/There's nothing you can find/That cannot be found”

It always brings me to tears. This character growth is represented through a tattoo the character has. In the beginning, is the image of two halves of a face. In the ending, it turns into a complete one. Hedwig isn’t attaching themself to the concepts in “origin of love”: “You think that luck has left you there/But maybe there's nothing/Up in the sky but air”

It’s amazing, every song is a banger and also very gender!

And then we have 2) Invisible Life (Vida Invisível): A brazillian movie about two estranged sisters who long to reunite. They were torn away by their father and both start to believe they’ll never see each other again as they unknowingly live in the same city. The bond between the two is strong enough to sideline any other type of love, but one of the sisters is extremely relatable to me. She was obligated to marry this man she barely knew and never once showed interest, romantic, sexual or otherwise, in fact, she’s disgusted by him and their sex scenes are honestly very hard to watch.

3) Bride of Frankenstein: Controversial, maybe. This is the movie where Frankenstein’s monster “gets a wife” but in reality? It’s about a deeply lonely being who longed for not being seen as monstrous. He wants a wife like him to have a connection he can’t with the people who despise him. It doesn’t feel that much romantic and definitely not sexual. Just an outsider wanting companionship. Very queerplatonic and obviously queer of him (honestly Frankenstein’s monster is just queer in every direction)

And for an even more controversial one I’ll say 4) Encanto: I remember the discourse about how “interpreting the movie with queer themes is downplaying the generational trauma which is the point of the story” yeah I know. Queer reading exists regardless, and that’s for every single movie in existence. And queer latine people exist (me for example). Anyways, to me the “powerless” in a family/society with people with powers is the closest we get to a metaphor about living as an aro/ace person. A feeling of abnormality with the lack of something most people have. Come on… Incredibly aroace

There are more but those were the ones that got me more. I’d also say maybe “Ready or Not” (hell yeah let’s kill your husband and all his family members), “Cruella” (just fashion, vibes and complex families albeit silly movie) and “wreck it ralph” (eh. It’s about platonic love, about outsiders, about feeling like who you are is fundamentally wrong… Super queer, aroace to me)

Excited to see this list get bigger!

I really wish there was a canon of aroace cinema. Obviously there is close to none representation, but I’m thinking movies that resonate to the aro/ace experience regardless of intent. To create a canon must be hard, but I’m gonna give my two cents with Little Women (2019 dir. Greta Gerwig) and The Banshees of Inisherin (2023 dir. Martin McDonagh)

[nessinborderland]

Can I get a lass boss fic were everyone is scared of the reader (even tho they are a newbies the beach) and they don’t understand why until they find out lass boss has been threatening anyone who comes near them and than they end up together (idk if you do lass boss but I just thought this would be interesting as I haven’t seen many fics abt him)

Pairing: Last Boss x Reader

Genre: Angst, Fluff

Word Count: 1004

Summary: You thought you would die in the Borderlands. But your guardian angel is always with you.

Warnings: loss of limb

Notes: You have no idea how much I loved writing this. It made me so soft 🤧. Then again, is not exactly what you asked, but I hope you enjoy it either way 💕.

You don’t understand why this is happening.

You have been on the Beach for a month. You happened to be walking around aimlessly, the infected wound on your arm making you feel like you were burning from the inside out. And then you were on the ground. You had sighed in relief; you could finally go home. Or at least leave this place. You just wanted the nightmare to end.

A shadow over you.

You had opened your eyes to see a man; at least you think he was a man. Someone could’ve told you he was a demon or even Death itself, and you would’ve believed them. You felt a touch and then-

Darkness.

The glow of a blade. Agony. A scream. Awful, burning pain. You remember begging for it to stop, begging for the sweet release of death. But it never happened.

Darkness again.

The next time you woke up, there was no arm. Just a bloody bandage, right at the elbow. ‘It was infected.’ they said. ‘You would’ve died otherwise’ they said. You almost wished you had.

He was there too when you woke up; the man that saved you. You had exchanged no words, but he was always around. Always watching. It should’ve made you nervous, but it didn’t. You had a feeling that he meant you no harm. However, you still had no doubt he was a dangerous man.

You had tried exchanging words several times, but he never replied. He just stood there like an ominous presence, all in black, black tattoos, katana in hand. But he never made a move to hurt you in any way.

You soon got used to his presence as you healed. You would still talk to him, even though you got no answer. He brought you books, so you read to him. When you had to join a game only three days after the loss of your arm, barely standing up from the fever, he was there. You would’ve died without him.

He’s no demon. He’s a guardian angel.

And now you finally left the room for the first time since you got here. You miss the sunlight. You miss seeing the blue sky. So you walk around the place they call the Beach. You try to get along with the people there but everyone just...avoids you? You don’t understand why. Maybe is your missing arm that makes people uncomfortable? It bothers you, but you soon learn the best places to just be alone and don’t bother anyone. Well, not that you’re alone.

He’s always with you.

He’s like a shadow. Always there, always behind you, but so normal to you. You even forget that he’s there, sometimes. Maybe it’s him that people fear?

You wish he was here now.

You don’t know the people that tackle you to the ground. You just went to the roof to get some night air, and they were there. Someone punches you and you fall. They won’t stop hitting you, so you just close your eyes and hope that they will stop eventually.

But he comes for you.

A swish of a blade cutting through the air, and then screams. Someone is pleading; another person cries. It’s over soon enough.

You don’t say a word as he takes you to your bedroom and lays you down on the bed. You keep quiet as he cleans your cuts and changes the bloody bandages on what used to be your arm. Then he sits at the end of the bed and watches you as you slowly stop crying.

They say the eyes are the window to the soul. Until then, you wondered if he had one. But of course he does. You can see it now, as he looks at you. You could see it before too.

“Thank you.” you finally say.

He nods. At least you know he’s not hard of hearing.

The weeks go by. You’re still trapped there; game after game after game. But he’s always there too, so it’s bearable.

You finally got to hear his voice. It was just a word, but at least now you’re sure he can talk. It was in the middle of a game, and you happened to trip. You thought that was it; you were about to die. But then he showed up, as he always does, and slew the tiger that was about to eat you.

“You okay?” he had asked you then. You couldn’t help but smile as you nodded.

Later that night you were extremely chatty; you wanted to hear his voice again. So you actively tried to make him say something. All you got was monosyllabic answers. Good enough for you. You had hugged him on impulse as he prepared to leave. You were sure you could spot a blush underneath his face tattoos. He stayed with you that night.

You notice that he likes to hear you tell stories the most. His eyes shine as you go on and on about your experiences as a travel blogger. So that’s the stories you tell him every night. He doesn’t try to leave your room anymore. He just seats on the chair next to your bed. He’s awake when you fall asleep, and he’s awake when you wake up. You wonder if he sleeps.

“Sleep with me?” you don’t actually mean it that way, but that doesn’t stop his ears from turning red. You chuckle, patting the spot next to you, “Bed’s big enough for both of us. If you’re staying here, at least be comfortable.”

He stays still for a moment, before slowly approaching the bed. He lays down over the covers, eyes locked on the ceiling. He’s tense. You can’t control the impulse to touch his face tattoos. He flinches for a moment before relaxing under your touch.

His hand raises to touch yours, and you think he’s going to push you away. But instead, he presses your hand to his cheek and closes his eyes.

You smile. He does sleep.

[cinnamonest]

I think I know why i loves this blog (and you, of course!) So much. My parents was separated when I was just a baby and I lived with my mom ever since, and that mean I lack love with my father. We still connected, because he DOES love me, they divorced because back then apparently my father was a playboy and my mom, being young and all, didn't like it and they keep arguing about it (lol).

Also I've been craving to have older brother ever since I was a kid, so when I first got exposed with Germancest from hetalia I was like,.. very fond of it.

And so began my journey exploring incest porn (this all happen when I was just 3rd grade istg😭) and I found comfort from Prussia being used as a cum dump by his brother Germany. I love seeing the character just receiving everything open handedly and let the seme do all the shit for him.

And whenever there was a handsome anime character i like, I always imagine being their little sister. I'm just that desperate, and I know I can't have an older sibling because I'm literally the first child.

It was then during the end of my high school year I started liking dilf. Everytime I saw a daddy material character i wanted to be his daughter. Wouldn't it be so good to have such kind and wealthy daddy?.

But when I met my father later on, i kinda feel embarrassed and bad, because how the fuck I can like someone (FICTIONAL) who are the same age as my own father?. I always feeling guilty about it but I cannot stop either, i already swim so deep into it.

But then I found your blog!, And when you explaining all these kinks are just for coping and not for real life, it made me realize.

Right, i like it because it is FICTIONAL. I like to IMAGINE being non conned by a character i like in my MIND, but NOT REAL LIFE. I like incest and dilf because I lack love and care from older man, so I cope with it by liking a character from anime or games. And it DOES help me a lot. There's time where I failed my class and need to redoing it again next year, and if it were not for these kinks and fictional men I would have killed myself back then.

Maybe that's also why i enjoy making something like, dad!(character) x child!reader, because it gives me a sense of comfort I never had. Also also, I actually not that good with kids in real life, but fictionally, i wanted to have many kids as possible with my men lol.

Thank you Lena for opening my eyes👁️👄👁️I love you!

In addition for my earlier' ask, i found out I like passive and submissive type of darling when I read 'x reader'. Idk but I find it to be so cute??, Because In all honestly as someone who are craving for love so bad, if there's someone who loves me I will give my all to love him back.

Maybe this is why I like yandere guy, because he will only love me and no one else (wait this sound like I'm a yandere too, lmaoo)

That's why when I read x reader fics and the darling being very piece of shit especially if the yandere was actually a soft Yan like Zhongli, I always like, 'nooo he loves you and soft with you, i know what he's doing is bad but he didn't hurt you that bad right :(( '

Basically i don't really like aggressive type of darling, that's one thing i always avoid when reading fics, but other than that I always down for everything, ehe <3.

(exception for Yans like Xiao, that boy kinda deserve to be treated like a shit accordingly due to his behavior)

------

NOT THE XIAO SLANDER lol you’re right tho

HETALIA WAS MY EXPOSURE TO INCEST SHIPPING TOO OMG. I used to ship America with everyone so I liked AmeCan in addition to USUK and AmeBel lol.

But yes I think a lot of people go through a “shame phase” when it comes to this sort of thing, I definitely did, spent years feeling like there was something wrong with me.

Also don’t feel bad about having to redo classes or anything like that -- there’s a huge pressure to do things perfectly but no one can do things perfectly, it’s perfectly normal to repeat classes, I think there’s a lot of people who don’t want to admit it so we don’t realize how common it is.

I’m also bigger on more submissive/scared darling inserts... I’m a very nonaggressive person tbh. A lot of yandere fanfiction has the darling like insulting them, hurting them and fighting super hard and I can’t relate very well 😅 I prefer a darling that like, doesn’t just lie down and accept it, but more like tries to be sneaky and work around the yan/try to escape by acting or underhanded, covert methods, bc I know that’s what I would do lol. I’d be way too scared to be super defiant, a stubborn brat sure but not extremely defiant.

But I’m so glad you were able to come to that acceptance!! It’s a great feeling to finally reach the point where you accept that there’s nothing wrong with you and just say fuck it to social stigmas against certain types of content.

[beclynn-herondale]

Right now on of my writing projects (one of many) is what I call the "Alec corruption arc fic" mainly because I'm not 100% sure about this. I've written some of it and probably won't really start working on it until I finish up the fic I'm actively posting to Ao3 right now, but one of the ideas I want to incorporate is every TMI character's worst traits coming out.

Which actually makes me want to sit down and think of what their worst traits are. What their weaknesses are. I really, really need to re-read TMI again, but I think I can figure out what parts of these characters I can use to my advantage. (i. e. Have it make them at least some sort of morally grey.)

Jace had always stuck out to me as a very sensitive character, but he hides it with his rapier wit. Jace is the angel boy, the one who cried when his pet falcon died, the one who was never enough for Valentine. A very merry "fuck you" to Valentine for that, and all that he's done.

I won't say that Jace's sensitivity is his worst trait, in fact, his arrogance and tendency to try and cover up his emotions might be something that could tip the scales. A lot of the time, Jace tries to cover up his emotions with jokes and avoid what he's feeling. (Magnus does this a lot too, but to a different extent. Magnus will always do this even with the people he loves, Jace is more likely to break down and cry after some point.)

Clary's worst trait might be her naivety. She's new to the Shadow World, new to everything, and is more likely to believe in the mundane ideals her mother taught her, and what she learned from Simon. Although I have to point out in my fic I would want her to have grown up as a part of Shadowhunter society, so she wouldn't be that naive.

I really can't think of one for Izzy?? Then again I haven't read TMI as recently as I would like, and Izzy does have a slightly more minor role compared to the other TMI mains. I probably wouldn't do much with Izzy, she's going to be a good person for the fic, as good as she can be.

Both Alec and Magnus are very self-sacrificing. That's something we've seen so often throughout the books, they're very often making sacrifices. I don't know if I can use that as the basis of Alec's corruption arc, though. Most of the time corruption arcs happen through desperation, the need to not have to make sacrifices.

With Simon I really have no clue. The only thing that would make even slightly morally grey would be his vampirism, but one of the main points of TSC is that blood doesn't matter, we're just all people. Simon's an awkward nerd, but he's nowhere near the extent I can see Jace going.

Do you have anything you want to add? I'll assume you've read TMI more recently than me or recall the characters better. It's just interesting to me what our beloved characters have lurking in the shadows.

Hey!

This is actually a good idea!

Also, I love morally gray characters.

_

Can I just take a moment to say, thank you for understanding Jace's sensitive side, people forget how sensitive he is. As Clary and Alec say "He's fragile." but they feel only they see it 😭

Which is why the heavenly fire was such a big deal for him, because he's actually a highly emotional person.

Also, I always saw a lot of his arrogance even as a cover up for his feeling not good enough. Because if he used arrogance no one would assume he felt that way, and would leave him alone.

But you got him right.

-

Clary, yes, definitely has naivety. but we also forget she could read people well and see right through, know their weaknesses, much like tw Valentine, she just doesn't use it for evil purposes. And usually uses it to understand people. But in an au like this, you could use that.

We also know Clary has quite the temper at times, and a very "fight me" attitude as well.

But I think the way she doesn't always understand the shadow world like Jace does, can definitely be used.

-

Izzy is extremely passionate in her personality and the way she cares and loves, her temper is also passion based. And she let's that lead her sometimes.

She's also extremely protective (I love this), and would literally do anything to keep her family and friends safe, which if you did want to give her bad traits, you could use. As she'd probably take extreme measures to defend and keep them safe.

-

Simon actually, maybe this was just me, has a tendency to let others achievements and abilities put him down. He often compares himself, and he lets it rule at times, not always, but a little.

And in the beginning of TMI, I personally felt, he had that nice guy thing going on, obviously he grew out of it and Isn't like that anymore, and got with the iconic babe Izzy. but it could be used.

Don't get me wrong I like Simon. But he kinda did get on my nerves in the beginning when Jace was trying to keep Clary and him safe, but they both insisted they knew more. When Jace, in fact, was the experienced Shadowhunter. Which is why Jace looked like an asshole so often, because he had to be that way to keep them safe and out of the Clave's hands. Because as we saw in CoG they wanted to use Clary and did in a way use Simon.

I think Clary and Simon were both a little naive to the shadow world in the beginning. Simon definitely did learn the way the shadow world worked a little faster than Clary, but I think that had to do with him becoming a vampire.

-

Alec and Magnus definitely both are self sacrificing. And it definitely gets them into situations.

Alec's need to always keep his siblings safe and sacrifice himself so they can be safe and live.

Magnus' need to always help those in trouble even when he knows he shouldn't.

And Magnus' tendency to keep secrets about himself and to not talk about his feelings definitely falls under that. And the way he dodges personal questions, every single time lol. But same.

Alec's insecurities could definitely be used here too, as we know those insecurities lead him to do things in CoFA and CoLS (don't like to think about that stuff tho).

A road you could take is having them finally have enough, and being like "These people owe me now." or something like that.

Though, thinking of Alec or Magnus being like that is scary 🤣

(idk if this made any sense or helped lmao)

[washymylifeaway]

Haikyuu Angst fanfic recs

EDIT: I added in the ships for each fic LOL, prolly should’ve done it like that from the beginning smh my bad :’)))))

EDIT 2: I made a pt 2 linked HERE

No one asked me to do this, but I’m providing it anyway because we all need a little angst in our lives. Right? Anyway, this entire thing is going to be something you need to read warnings, tags, and summaries in advanced because everything here will be angst. Anyhoo, in no particular order, here comes the sadness... And also don’t come at me for putting fics I’ve recommended in the past,,,, it’s an angst post I have to put all of them.

WARNING: Almost all of these fics deal with either some sort of death, trauma, or mental illness so please I BEG OF YOU to proceed with caution. Also in NO way am I romanticizing any of these things, these fics recs are merely pieces I thought were written extremely well, and that portray major events from multiple perspectives skillfully. If you are struggling, please contact a hotline and get help, you are never in this alone!

National Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255

boiled frogs by reginagalaxia (E) 91.5k /MatsuHana/ is it possible to hate a character this much? I never realized how much hate/rage I had in me. Really. Like. Imma boutta fight this MF LIKE SQUARE UP. The way I tried to manifest a fake characters death like,,,, Anyway. If my RAGE doesn’t explain how good of a freakin writer they are, then idk what will. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)

In Another Life by LittleLuxray (T) 23k /BokuAka/ it’s a classic, what can I say? You into some BokuAka angst? Here’s the fic. Go right ahead. Don’t be shy :’)

the galaxy is endless (i thought we were, too) by cosmogony (T) 30.9k /KuroKen/ again, a classic. We do love a good soulmate AU tho :)))))))

^^ I didn’t write much here cause I wrote my general thoughts on a different post (linked here) so yea it’s not that I don’t like the fic, it’s just that I didn’t want to be more redundant than I already am LOL.

Oikawa's Last Wish/es by DanaiaCake (G) 5.1k /IwaOi/ this one, man it’s short but painful LOL. Proof that angst doesn’t have to be long to completely break you ahhahah. It actually has a sequel (which is less angsty), but yea if you like finish this fic and are like broken, read it for some.... glue?

The Sky and Guilt Are the Only Feelings I Have Left by oopsthisisqueertoo (NR) 267.7k /BokuAkaKuroo/ ngl I picked it up as a rec from someone else after misreading that it was THIS long haha. But like I kept reading, and the suspense omg. It HAS a happy ending, so if you’re reading it and you start to feel empty, push through (tho take breaks) and finish because it DOES end HAPPY. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)

Made to be Broken by todxrxki (T) 8.1k /KuroKen/ this one focuses more on the after than the build up, and it made me so sad (as it should cause this is literally an angst fic rec post smh @ myself). I usually don’t cry too much but this one made the waterworks turn ON. Sighhhhhhhhhhh. Bless Akaashi.

Even Though it All Went Wrong by plumtrees (T) 9.2k /MatsuHana/ THIS IS THE REASON THIS POST CAME TO BE. I love this fic with all my heart (or what’s left of it). Like LOVE as in, this fic really broke me beyond just breaking me. Like. When Oikawa says what he says to Mattsun after the thing (you’re sorry __ _____ __ ____) and the Iwa right after (we know __’__ ___ ______ to make you ____ __ ____) (if you’re wondering wtf I’m putting here, just ctrl F you’re sorry and you’ll see), you cannot believe how hard that hit. GOD. (I am okay if you’re wondering :’)) This is my #1 favorite angst fic of all time and if you are okay mentally and have read the tags and warnings and are fine with them, then please read it. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)

Better For Us Both by abrandnewheart (M) 15.7k /SakuAtsu/ THE MUG FIC. There was a sequel and when I saw that it took me another week to read it cause I was like,,, am I ready to have my heart break again? No LOL. But the sequel is actually not as angst, so if you want like a semi-broken whatever, just read the sequel LOL. It’s so sad and it made me physically hurt every time someone even mentioned mugs afterwards (LOL why am I so dramatic but it’s the truth :///). Go ahead and hurt with me.

Crumbling Foundations by Captain_Hughes_ZU, ToshiChan (T) 106.3k /MULTI/ I was debating whether or not to put this fic cause it actually doesn’t even have the angst tag (which I personally think it should). Honestly, it’s more a trauma fic than an angst fic idk I just wanted to put it somewhere because it’s written super well and although it was technically a ‘happy ending’ the interviews after prove else. Despite only being rated T, it’s got some intense TW so (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)

arbitrary nature of thought. by wadingpool (NR) 5.6k /SunaOsa/ this....... ah... ahh.... The pain...... I really love the SunaAtsu friendship agenda. The ending was happy (I keep doing this LOL) but the build up to the break,,,,, AHHHH. Yea the ending was really heartwarming....... BUT THE BEGINNING. Yea it really jumbled me up..... JFLJDSFLKJHDLFHS

How To Be A Kick-Ass Brother: A Guide by Miya Atsumu by Egosdelirium (E) 25k /SakuAtsu + SunaOsa/ what personal vendetta do I have against Osamu? Nothing, literally nothing he just happens to always suffer in the fics I choose oops. This fic is one I really like, and it portrays the close outsider’s perspective on a horrific event really well. I was iffy on putting this in because it’s not really the angst type I was going for (more death less trauma?) but I really liked this fic, and while I was making my end note, I kept thinking about it so yea. Atsumu best boy. (PLEASE READ THE TAGS, THERE ARE SENSITIVE TOPICS!!!!)

You might be thinking, done already? Wellllllll there were a lot of fics where I decided against putting them on (cause I felt like it didn’t really match what I wanted to be recommending but idk what the theme was LOL oops but yea I would look at a fic and think well it is angst but not the right TYPE of angst y’know?) and I really hate reading angst (there’s a lot of days where I shouldn’t cause my mental health said no thanks LOL). Also I wanted like FULL angst fics, but most of them have like happy endings (which made some of these iffy and is good but also it wasn’t what I wanted to put :////) So yes, I may add to this post (we’ll see) but like it’ll depend on whether I can convince myself that reading angst at 4 am is a good idea LOL. (pls recommend me some too!)