#my second mistake was watching spn in general

[sparkz-n-glitz]

#justcagethings

[oopsiedaisiesbaby]

I am to the MOTA fandom like just now watched the show in December of 2024 😭 and loveeeee your traditional Alpha Egan fic.

I’ve pretty much absorbed all spn and HP A/B/O any more mota recs?

Or just recs in general.

WELCOME 🥰❤️ I’ve only been here a couple of months so I’m still making my way through everything too! And thank you 🥹😍 It was a tough but good one to write and the second part is fighting me but I’m so excited to add more to it!!!

I’ll stick with ABO just so the list doesn’t get too overwhelming (I have yet to read a MOTA fic I don’t like but my favorites are some of the best fics I’ve ever read 🙌)

we could make it up as we go by youllneverrecme (Clegan - E) 25/25 sooo much angst but the payoff was worth it to me

Here I am (right here with you) by @steviewicks45 (Brenny with a side of Clegan - E) 14/? this one will put you through it too but you’ll enjoy it and thank the author for the hurt lol

Will you be mine? by @avonne-writes (Clegan - T) 1/1 John just wants to love someone and it’s so freaking cute and earnest and just awww

Rugire by Anonymous (Clegan - E) 1/1 Alpha x Alpha but done very differently and not everyone’s cup of tea but I’m here for it

On my TBR list is:

fever pitch by dxggorylives (Clegan - E) 1/1

A March in April by defnotanarc (Clegan - E) 4/4

did i mistake you for a sign from god? series by @kindsummer (Clegan - T-E) 3 Parts

day in, day out by wormringers (Clegan - E) 1/1

the wrath of the lamb by @wayrad (Clegan - E) 2/?

Feel free to link y’all’s favs or self rec ❤️

[impostoradult]

So I've got to ask, because I stopped watching SPN at the end of season 4 (because Kripke said it'd end at the end of season 5 and I didn't want it to end, but then it didn't and a friend of mine just said that it turned into crap and I wanted to keep it good in my mind so... Well I didn't watch the seasons after that) but I'm kind of wondering if I should watch it? Is it... Good? I'm thinking about character developpement mostly, the story in general... And the finale: will I want to forget about it or... ?

Second ask which is totally non related: as for Jensen Ackles, what is it about people saying he is homophobic? Every interview I've seen... The guy seems pretty charming ? But I haven't been following him much so maybe I'm mistaking ?

Whew! You have asked 2 questions about which whole books could be written.

Q1

Here's what I'll say re: is Supernatural Good/Worth Watching all the way through. Seasons 4 & 5 are the peak of the show in terms of general story-telling quality. The entire show post season 5 is VERY hit or miss from episode to episode, and from season to season.

However, there's also a TON of great stuff that comes after season 5, particularly interesting character development stuff with all the leads at various points. And there are some awesome side characters that get introduced like Charlie and Rowena and Kevin, who are really fun and add a lot in their occasional appearances. Also there are some truly stand-out episodes and arcs in those later seasons. The problem is, you have to wade through a fair amount of eye-rolling, repetitive, and sometimes just plain lazy or ill-conceived nonsense to get to the good stuff. You DO have to slog. And you have to be willing to put up with some TRULY stupid writing choices along the way. Do I think it's worth it?

Ultimately, my answer is yes. But BARELY. Just barely.

I'll also say, while the incorporation of Castiel varies a lot in both amount and quality from season to season after S5, overall the Dean/Castiel storyline within the show is incredibly compelling. As a long-form slow-burn romance, it is one of the most gripping pieces of romantic storytelling I've ever seen (and I'm including hetero pairings in that statement as well). So if that is something you are invested in (or think you might be), Supernatural becomes A LOT more worth watching.

Which leads me to the ending, which in truth, I never watched. I stopped watching at 15x19. I know enough about what happened in 15x20 to know I don't need to see it. At this point, I'm also fairly certain they are gonna do a sequel/reboot and retcon it, so it doesn't really matter anyway. Jensen Ackles is bound and determined to bring it back at some point, so I'm 95% sure that ending isn't going to stand, no matter what. (Which I am more than fine with. Although I don't enjoy beating dead-horse media franchises in general, he is right to want to retcon it, IMO, and I support him in this endeavor).

And speaking of Jensen Ackles...

Q2

The question around his homophobia (or lack thereof) is also super complex. In my personal opinion, no, I don't think he is (though I understand why that idea persists among some fans)

He did demonstrate resistance to the idea of Destiel or queer interpretations of Dean in earlier eras of Supernatural's run, often in the context of Supernatural Fan Conventions when he was speaking off the cuff to questions directly posed to him by fans. And sometimes he wasn't super tactful in how he expressed himself.

But I get the feeling a lot of those incidences were a product of a variety of different things that aren't reducible to personal homophobia on his part:

In the context of those conventions, the actors are acting as PR extensions of the show. And The CW company line for basically ALL of Supernatural's run has been Dean's straight and Destiel is just fan shipping. Jensen Ackles, as a representative of the show, wasn't in a position to disagree publicly with the company line, regardless of how he felt privately. It would have caused a huge shit-storm of blow back if he'd done that. One of my big frustrations with the SPN fandom is the lack of awareness that actors are not allowed to just freely share their thoughts and feelings about the show's content, particularly when they might disagree or disapprove of it. It makes you look unprofessional, as an actor, when you do that. Its like going in front of an audience to announce publicly that you disagree with your boss and think they should have handled something very differently. That's OBVIOUSLY unprofessional, even if/when you are right. These actors have never been in a position to share how they really feel or think about this publicly because of the nature of entertainment PR. Again, I think Jensen hasn't always been tactful in how he handled those situations, but I also don't take ANY of those statements all that seriously because in those moments Jensen was acting primarily as a spokesperson for the "brand"/entity of Supernatural, regardless of his actual thoughts/feelings about anything.

I also think he's probably evolved a lot on this issue over the years, both in terms of his personal politics AND his attitudes about the content of Supernatural. Now this gets into sticky territory because I am now 'reading' Jensen and his life as a public figure. And there is so much more that is hidden versus what is visible. So what follows is HIGHLY speculative on my part and should be understood as such. But, my personal interpretation of his queer politics is he grew up in Texas in the 80s & 90s in a fairly conservative and overtly Christian household (which he has spoken about publicly more than once). And while I doubt he was ever overtly hateful towards queer people, I do suspect he was raised with a lot of the general biases that come with that kind of background. I also think as a result of working in Hollywood for so many years, becoming such deeply close friends with Misha Collins (who, for all his whatever around this, is a polyamorous ultra-lefty hippie), and having the fandom that Supernatural has (which is at a conservative guess 80% queer people), he has probably come a long way from where he started about this. I ALSO think his ideas about queer Dean and Destiel have evolved a lot, though he's never said it explicitly in so many words (because again, I don't think he's ever really been at liberty to). BUT, it was incredibly clear in his very loud silence on the SPN 'finale' he really disliked what they chose to do in 15x20. It was also incredibly clear he was very emotional about 15x18. He had a cast member shoot a private video of the Castiel confession scene for him to keep on his phone. We also know they conducted formal market research on the idea of making the romance between Dean and Cas even more explicitly canon in final seasons. That didn't happen, for reasons we may never know. But it's pretty clear to me that at the start of season 13, they seemed to be setting up that romantic arc pretty heavily. And I think Jensen knew that and maybe even got attached to the idea before the powers that be shut it down for whatever reasons they did.

Again, all of this is my personal understanding which is based on real events and statements and such, but is still an inference based on all of those disparate pieces of data.

But in sum, no I don't think Jensen Ackles is homophobic. Yes, I think he has said a few insensitive things in the past, but I think there was a PR aspect to a lot of it, and I also think he's shown a lot of growth in the right direction over time.

I also think there's like a solid 35% chance he'll retcon the ending of SPN and give Dean and Cas a proper (romantic) ending, out of spite if nothing else. I think there's like a 95% chance he's gonna reboot it. He cannot shut up about it. Whether or not the reboot will do right by the Destiel storyline is far less certain for me. I'm not CONVINCED of the so-called "Jackles long-con" conspiracy theory. But I think there's a solid 1 in 3 chance its real, which is enough possibility that I'm not willing to wash my hands of this yet.

So many other insane fan conspiracy theories about Supernatural have turned out to be right. And this one has more evidence than a decent number of the others.

I hope this insanely long response helps!

[nephilimarecool]

YJNatural

This is my first fic on tumbler even though I have many on Wattpad as Friendly-Flame so if I make a mistake feel free to tell me or comment in general but please don't hound me about it. Your welcome to request fics as soon as I'm able to figure out how lol. I will do most things but I refuse to do smut, I also reserve the right to turn down a request if I'm uncomfortable and will explain why I refused. At the moment I'm only really writing SPN and YJ but once I'm more used to it I'll do DC, Marvel & SPN. This is the first of a series of fan fics featuring the Winchesters in YJ.

Chapter 1: I Hate Witches

"They're an extremely old family of witches, all the way back to the Salem Witch trials." Sam was reading the collected info off his laptop; we are hunting a family of very old and powerful witches the Mayfairs.

Next to speak was Dean, Castiel listening silently from across the table, Jack by his side. "So we take the guns, fill them with witch killing bullets and go in fast and hard. Charlie and Jack will stay outside and watch the doors. -" I'm pissed, I've gone through nearly as much as he has, Dean has no right to keep me out of this hunt.

"NO." It comes out louder than I intended but I am so mad. Dean tries to reason with me but I only see red.

"Not gonna happen kid. We need you to look after Jack, he's still new to this." I glare at Dean resulting in the older Winchester flinching slightly. I smile to myself.

"Jack’s a Nephilim, he's more equipped for this than we are!" I snap not thinking but simply reacting to the situation. "You need EVERYONE in there Dean, I may be 16 but I can handle myself." I make sure to get my point across and watch as Dean sighs.

"She is right." I'm surprised to see Cas speaking. "Jack does lack experience but as a Nephilim he could easily overpower a witch Jack can not be harmed and her plan does make logical sense, we need her" I love Cas, he's still so much like a soldier, always making the calls others won't yet projecting this calm aura. As much as we bicker these guys are my family.

"Lets go now while it's dark." I suggest, it's only 4am and in the winter months like now the sun doesn't rise till 8. "We have the element of surprise. Plus we all know the plan, no need to go over it again." I sigh slightly at the end.

"Let's hit the road!" Squirrel exclaimed smacking his palm on the table. I have taken to Crowley's nickname for Dean, I miss him, sure he was a demon but he always made me laugh.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Everyone ready?" Asked Moose as we get the weapons from the trunk. Most of us just nod but I decide to be me.

"Crystal pistol." I say laughing at the resting bitch face Sam gives me. I see Dean smiling lightly, I always do get on better with the older Winchester.

The house is empty. I glance at Dean, this isn't good. "It's too quiet." I whisper worried. We had stayed together not splitting up because of the nature of this hunt.

"I sense power from..." Jack pauses for a second. "There." He points to what looks like a cleaning closet. Dean pushes the door open Sam at his side make sure we were behind them. On the wall was a symbol I thought it was nothing till I saw the witch pressing her hand to it in the purple light that followed illuminating the room.

“Cum sanguine et igne dimitto vos. Sanguinis daemone claudo te. Relinque hoc mundo. Relinque hoc mundo. Relinque hoc mundo.”

It was spell. This is bad, all I can see is the violet light before I fall face first into... grass? "Cas? Jack? Moose? Squirrel?" I call standing up unsteadily. That's when I realize I'm 2D. "Great." I mutter sarcastically, we are stuck in a TV show.

I hear a chorus of 'Here' or 'I'm okay' and sigh, turned out we are all mostly un-hurt. I help Dean and Sam too their feet as Cas and Jack were already standing.

"Who are you?" I turn at the gravelly voice to see batman from Young Justice. This was just great. Seeing my family reach for their weapons I shake my head. No. Slowly they drop their hands but not their guard.

"Batman." I stated.

Masterlist

[maeve-writes]

The Significance of Fair Food

Pairings: Human!Castiel x Reader

Rating: General

Warnings: Fluff, bad decisions.

Summary: You talk the boys into making a stop during your travels and you show Castiel the joys of being human.

a/n: This was written for a SPN challenge years ago.

My three categories were: Fair, snow cone, getting sunburnt.

This is unbeta'd, please forgive any mistakes. This is also my first time writing Castiel, so forgive me if it’s a little... off.

Formally posted on the account @plaided-ani

-

When you asked the boy to make a pit stop, the last thing they expected was to end up pulling into a fairgrounds parking lot. The world was ending, again, you had demons and angels and everything in between after the four of you, but damned if it didn’t seem like a good idea. “Dude,” Dean reasoned with his brother, slapping him on his arm, “fair food.”

“Yes,” you chirped, popping your head between them from the backseat. You wrapped your hands around Sam’s shoulders, fingers digging into the tense muscle and you shook him like a maraca. “Yes!”

“What’s the significance of fair food,” Castiel inquired beside you, curious eyes watching Sam’s head snap to and fro from your jarring.

You rounded on him immediately, releasing Sam before you slid into the former angel’s personal space, slinging your arm around his shoulders. “Castiel,” your voice was quiet, intimate, “fair food is the most delicious nourishment that humans have to offer.” You reached up and ran a hand down his cheek and forced him to look you in the eye, “And all of it’s fried.”

He stared at you unblinkingly, puffy lips slightly parted in confusion. You were a hair’s length apart, close enough to be sharing the same lungs, and he nodded once causing his nose brush against yours.

“If you two are done making out,” Dean cleared his throat, arm perched over the back of his seat to glare at you. “I want a corndog.”

You immediately released Cas and then turned to scramble out of the car. You joined up with Dean, hooking your arm around his and the pair of you charged the fair’s main gate, Sam and Castiel trailing behind you.

The sun was out in full force and what little clouds floating in the sky provided no comfort from it’s heated rays. You turned your head up, eyes closed to bask in the warm as you four waited in line for the first vendor that Dean deemed acceptable.

“Fried butter,” Castiel droned behind you, “that doesn’t sound very healthy.”

“It doesn’t have to be healthy, Cas,” Dean replied, pulling you forward as the queue moved, “it’s fair food.”

Sam huffed in annoyance and shook his head, “That’s not an excuse to clog your arteries.”

“Yes, it is,” you and Dean replied simultaneously.

You righted your head and turned to glare up at the youngest Winchester, but you caught sight of Castiel clutching at his chest, his fingers clenching around the soft white shirt that Dean leant him. “Your heart’s gonna be fine, Cas,” you assure him, stumbling along as Dean pulled you forward yet again. “It takes years of eating bad crap to clog you up. If anyone is gonna die of a heart attack, it’s Dean!”

“And I would have no regrets,” came the proud sniff beside you.

“You two are idiots,” Sam sighed.

You opened your mouth to retort, but Dean yanked you one final time and you spun to order the biggest funnel cake they allotted, double sugar and strawberries on top. Dean, of course, got his three corndogs, Sam opted for cup-o-salad, but Cas was at a loss. “He’ll have a corn dog and fries,” you decided.

Dean stayed back to wait for the order and Sam lead the way to find a semi-clean table nearby. “I’ll admit, Y/N,” Cas confided in you, eyes darting to Sam’s back cautiously, “that this fair food does smell delicious.”

“Oh, Cas,” you cooed, once again slinging your arm around his arm and placed your head on his shoulder, “you’re in for a treat.” You take one side with Castiel, Sam opting to sit across from you. The sounds of the crowd washed over you as you baked in the afternoon sun, the shrills from fast rides and rigged games were the soundtrack of your best idea yet.

“Alright, heart attacks on a plate,” Dean cackled gleefully as he sat the tray down in the middle. He passed Castiel his basket and you snatched up your funnel cake with a loud smack of your lips. “You’re gonna give me some of that, Y/N, right?”

Your face twisted in aggression, your body curling around your plate as you claimed your territory. “Absolutely not,” you snarled. Cas shifted uneasily beside you which snapped you out of your daze, “But you can have some, Castiel.” Blue eyes met yours and his brow pinched with uncertainty.

“Oh, so you’ll give some to Cas and not me,” Dean growled, corndog shoved in his mouth and mustard dribbled down his chin.

“Yes,” you answered simply, cutting of a nice, big piece coated with the most sugar and biggest strawberry and held it up for Castiel to eat. The former angel frowned at you and looked to Dean before opening his mouth wide to let you choo-choo it in.

He chewed it slowly, considering its taste. Sugar outlined his mouth and a drip of syrup rested in the very center of his bottom lip. Without thinking, you swiped you thumb across it, shoving it into your mouth to lick off the excess. His eyes went wide, watching the finger disappear between your own sugared lips. “This is very good,” he said hoarsely when he finally managed to swallow.

You wiggled your eyebrows in victory and pointed to his meal, “Clog those arteries, Cas.”

The rest of the afternoon was spent queuing in lines, you and Dean hogging the cotton candy. You did share a bit with Castiel for educational purposes, but most of it was shoved shamelessly into your mouth.

“You two are going to throw up,” Sam grimaced as you headed closer to the Tilt-a-Whirl.

“That’s the fun of fairs,” you replied cheerfully, nudging Cas to make a mental note of it. “You stuff yourself full of bad food and then you get on all the rides so you can throw it up later!”

Cas shook his head, “That doesn’t sound like fun at all.”

“It is,” Dean winked, “you’ll love it.” Sam contradicted his brother with a silent shake of his head, but you were all ushered into your seats before the older brother could argue. And when the ride was over, you were hugging your stomach, looking a little paler and Dean shuffled slowly beside you.

“I told y-” Sam started but heated glares from the both of you had him holding his hands up and laughing.

Despite your aching stomachs, you and Dean drag the other two on the Teacups, the Falling Tower, even in the Haunted House. It was the Tunnel of Love that caught your eye, though, and not because you had anything romantic in mind, but it was a slow, easy ride that hid you from the harsh afternoon sun.

The boys fought over who would actually sit with you because it was the Tunnel of Love, after all, and you can’t go in with your brother without people raising eyebrows and they sure as hell didn’t want to ‘fall in love with Cas’. “You’re all idiots,” you exclaimed and pulled Cas into the small swan shaped boat.

“This ride doesn’t actually make humans fall in love, does it,” he asked you hesitantly.

You leaned back against the hard wooden frame, head tilted back as the tunnel’s cool air breezed over your sun kissed skin, “No, Cas. It’s an excuse for teenagers to make out in, though. Or older people to make out like teenagers.” There’s a deep rumble of thoughtfulness next you and you can feel Cas’s eyes on you. “You wanna make out with me,” you asked with one eye cracked open.

“I don’t know,” he answered. “That means kissing, right?”

“Yes,” you snorted.

His brow wrinkled and he nodded, “Yes.”

“Yes,” you repeated, surprised. You sat up and tilted your head, a smile split your face in two.

“Yes,” Cas said for the second time, “I’ve thought about kissing you before. I’ve watched you with the men that you’ve taken home from bars and…”

You held up a hand and blinked, “What do you mean you’ve watched me?”

“I was afraid that they might hurt you, so I kept watch,” Castiel explained, noting your sudden discomfort of the conversation. “I stopped watching when you… you know.”

“I am so glad you’re human now,” you groaned, bringing up your legs in the open bench seat and hid your face away. You felt a hand atop your knee and a gentle squeeze in timid comfort. “If you ever get your grace back, dude, please don’t ever watch me again,” you pleaded once you lifted your head.

Cas nodded, those deep blue eyes full of regret and understanding, “I promise.”

The ride finished without a makeout session, but you had forgiven Cas by the time you caught up with Sam and Dean. The sun was getting low and the fair’s lights slowly started to flicker on, the Ferris Wheel drawing everyone’s attention. “Last ride,” Sam warned you, so you tugged them along, waiting in the longest queue of the day.

“Snow Cones,” Dean whispered, pushing at your shoulder. “Wait here,” he instructed his brother and friend before dragging you over to the stand. While the ice did sound like a good idea in the warm summer evening, more sugar was going to make your veins explode.

“I dunno, Dean,” you patted your belly, “I don’t know if I can fit anymore.”

“Don’t be a wuss,” he egged you on and shoved you up to the counter. You order a small one, rainbow all the way and kicked Dean in the shin when you got your purchase and ran off to the safety of your friends.

“More sugar,” you told Cas, holding up the shaved ice settled in a paper cup. “Sweets for a sweetie,” you offer it to him, “just bite.” He looked from you to the colored ball of frost and scraped his teeth along to gather some with an approving hum. Dean soon joined you, tagging you on the back of your head when he returned and nearly had you spilling your treat. “Watch it!”

Cas frowned in disapproval at Dean, but the oldest Winchester smirked smugly and bite down hard on his snow. “For as much sugar as you consume, Dean, you can be sour,” he reprimanded, patting your shoulder and taking yet another bite of your snow cone.

“Are you really white knighting, Y/N, right now,” Dean snorted, the tip of his nose dyed blue from his flavoring.

“If that means I’m defending her, then yes,” Cas replied, his eyes, like yours and Sam’s, trained on the small spot of blue. “Dean,” he started, but you wrap a hand around his wrist and squeeze. How the three of you are holding a straight face, you’ll never know.

“What,” came the gruff reply accompanied by a frown.

“Nothing,” Cas replied casually, tearing his eyes away from his friend and back to you and the Snow Cone. You return the stare, both of you leaning in to take a bite and you tried not to choke on the flavored ice.

“What,” Dean asked pressingly.

“Line’s moved up,” Sam answered, pulling his brother along.

Dean eyed you all suspiciously, but he moved along with everyone else, digging back into his ice and coming out with an even bigger spot of blue. Sam’s jaw is clenched so hard you could hear his teeth starting to crack and you’re sure you’ve snorted some of your ice in an attempt to stop your laughter. But Castiel? He was standing there, smiling at the three of you, suddenly understanding what the significance of fair food was.

-

“Dammit,” Dean groaned the next day, waddling in from the bathroom, “Y/N!” Castiel looked up from the newspaper and tilted his head, his eyes shifting from Dean to you splayed out of the bed in nothing more than a thin cami and cotton shorts, looking just as uncomfortable as Dean with your cherry red skin.

“Shut up,” you spat, not able to move from your bed. It wasn’t fair, not really. All four of you were out in the sun all day and only you and Dean managed to get burned, even through all of your layers. “Your voice makes my skin hurt.”

“Your face makes my skin hurt,” Dan shot back, slowly climbing onto the bed next to you. The pair of you weakly slapped at each other from your prone positions and you felt the bed dip behind you.

“Sam said this might happen,” Castiel stated as he flipped open a cap of aloe. “He said I would need to rub this into your skin.”

Dean jerked his head up and immediately winced from the pain, “You’re not rubbing anything on me.”

“Shut up and enjoy it, jerk,” you hissed and twisted your head as much as you could to look at Castiel. “Rub it all over me, Cas, as deep as you can.”

The former angel flushed as bright as the pair of you, but set to work.

[katsidhe]

could you do 9.10 and 9.13 for episode reviews.

Love your takes btw.

9.10 Final Thoughts

well, well, well, if it isn’t my old friend season 9. God I love season 9. buckle in. 

Plenty of what season 9 tries to do with angel drama falls flat, but plenty of it doesn’t. It’s at its strongest when interrogating the ways that the angels are looking for personal purpose, rather than folding themselves into various suit-clad factions. In this episode, we have Gadreel, Abner, and Thaddeus, all with very different takes.

Thaddeus is the most boring of the three—a straightforward narcissist and sadist. (Lucifer will follow in his rockstar-impersonating footsteps in s12. SPN clearly has a dim view of the music industry.) We don’t care when he dies, and we aren’t meant to.

Abner’s found a family, and he’s let go of revenge. He’s clearly found peace and happiness—but it’s stolen.  I’m ambivalent about this. I guess I could take his word that his vessel was abusive and therefore deserves to have been permanently body-snatched, and I guess I could believe him when he says his new family loves him, even though they clearly don’t know what he is or what he’s done. His regard for humanity as something other than a project is… uncertain. Even if everything is as sunny as he explains to Gadreel, there is fundamental selfishness and short-sightedness here. Get what you want, Abner says, and never let go.

Gadreel asks Abner if his vessel is happy. This reveals both Abner’s scorn for his vessel, and Gadreel’s uncomfortable awareness of and respect for Sam (and his bartender vessel, who Gadreel stares at, and who accepts Gadreel back easily).

Gadreel! OF COURSE Gadreel’s gotta be the scapegoat for Lucifer’s release, HAHAHAH. I love him to pieces, oml. Seriously, the Sam parallels could not BE more blatant. I’ve talked about this before, that it makes the earned antipathy between them all the more alarming, all the more visceral. The big sticking point is that Gadreel’s years of pointless torture came prior to his “redemption” arc, rather than as a consequence of it. Gadreel has all of s5 Sam’s despair and helpless anger and self-loathing, all of his drive to set things right at any price, and all of it is amplified by his trauma.

Sam and Gadreel’s relationship is defined by its liminal spaces. Gadreel threatens to tear Sam apart, but he does not, even when he is tortured. He locks Sam away in a dream rather than force him to watch him kill, or to suffer. But when Sam forces Gadreel out, Gadreel leaps instantly on telling Sam he is weak, reciting back Sam’s fears and Gadreel’s own. This reads like Gadreel is aiming quite a lot of his own self-pity and self-hatred at Sam.

Cas’s murderous rage at Gadreel when his identity is revealed is fun. It shows that Heaven’s PR team did a good job, for one thing. But Cas is furious because it’s specifically Lucifer. And the Apocalypse, and all the attendant suffering, his and Dean’s and Sam’s. It’s a personal wrath.

“Stupid for the right reasons…” oh, Cas, your scarcity of positive human role models is showing. Also, Cas’s particular brand of reassurance here isn’t actually something Dean has a problem with. He expresses regret over having been tricked—he says he’s stupid, he says he got played—but he’s never in doubt that his intentions were good. He’s never in doubt that he did the righteous thing. He’s never in doubt that he’d do it again.

Dean apologizes to Cas for barring him from the bunker. (Sam will not receive an apology.) Cas compares what Dean did to Sam to what Cas did by trusting Naomi. There’s a key difference here. Cas’s moral compass is not the problem; it’s his critical thinking skills.

Crowley, Cas, and Dean are a hilarious trio. (Also, I really hope that Cas’s pimpmobile got to Heaven too, like the Impala.)

Crowley being genuinely sorry that Kevin’s gone and his willingness to risk his life to help Sam are the best two moments of the generally weak Crowley-has-human-blood plot line. They feel earned. [also Crowley’s ‘I told Kevin he should’ve run!’ is both accurate, funny, and sad.]

Let’s talk 4.21 parallels! I mean, first, the glaringly obvious: Sam locked down to be purged of something supernatural; Sam suffering; Dean unable to bear Sam’s tortured screams; a very atmospheric fan. Dean walking away.

and then, of course, there’s “at least he dies human.” Right off the bat, Dean tells Cas he’s going to kill Gadreel. Cas, concerned, says that this will kill Sam too; Dean, sounding tortured, says he knows. Now, obviously, Dean doesn’t kill Sam. He doesn’t even get particularly close. But it’s really interesting that this is the first thing Dean brings up! He declares unprompted that he’s ready to kill Sam rather than leave him possessed. Which is both a recapitulation of the save-him-or-kill-him mantra, and an ironic twist on the decision Dean made in 9.01. Then, Dean knew Sam would rather die than be possessed, but had him possessed anyway. Now, Dean has decided instead that Sam must die because he is possessed. Obviously Dean’s opinion on the possessing entity has changed in the meantime: Sam’s hasn’t, but Sam’s isn’t what matters. 

Dean reaches new levels of PEAK IRONY when he declares that Cas should possess Sam too. Cas has to actually point out that Dean can’t, in fact, volunteer Sam’s permission. Because apparently Dean had forgotten, lmaooo. Crowley, on the other hand, is happy to oblige. Dean directs Cas to burn Sam’s tattoo off.

The language of this entire scene is so sexual. I mean, it’s Crowley, of course it is, double entendre is his first language. But this theme recurs again and again. Here it is just more pointed than usual. It is queasy.

Gadreel has Sam trapped in a Dean-type happy place—a hunt with ghouls and cheerleaders, no organic produce to be found. And I don’t think it’s because Gadreel doesn’t understand what Sam likes. I think it’s because Gadreel’s aim was for Sam to feel comfortable, not blissful. It smacks of Hallucifer, just a bit—using the verisimilitude of Dean’s louder moods rather than trying to appeal directly to Sam’s contentment, because of his always questionable, always a question, sense of reality. If things were too smooth, too cheerful, Sam might just be suspicious. Sam is easier to trick by proxy. 

The HORROR of this episode for Sam: Gadreel washing someone’s blood off of Sam’s hands. Crowley pushing needles into his brain. Sam’s body and life as a bargaining chip as Gadreel threatens to kill him, and then as Dean threatens to kill him right back. The quiet heartbreak as Sam remembers Kevin’s death, as he realizes the magnitude of Dean’s betrayal. But the worst part of it, I think, is somehow still Sam’s face when Crowley comes to get him in the dream where Gadreel stashed him. How his expression just crumples as Crowley tells him he is trapped in a lie, that his mindscape is once again a prison, that he truly cannot trust his reality. The sheer devastation of this on top of Sam’s history, plus the knowledge that Dean did this—and he pulls himself together and puts his foot on Gadreel’s neck and casts him OUT anyway. Sam Fucking Winchester.

and then the Bridge Scene. The lighting, the staging… it’s fucking gorgeous. It’s one of those scenes where I knew as I was watching it for the first time, seven years ago, that it was going to be something. I held my breath and still hold my breath. I can’t take my eyes off the way that Sam is shaking slightly, the entire time. The way he can barely meet Dean’s eyes but he does it anyway. He SAYS HIS PIECE, says it clearly, says it with an even tone despite what he’s gone through, despite the holes in his head that were healed seconds ago.

I love the gentleness between Sam and Cas here. I love knowing that 9.11 follows this. I love that there is no question that Cas will leave with Dean—he is staying with Sam, to heal and support him, even after he spent this episode mostly reassuring Dean.

Dean does not start this conversation to apologize. He starts out with the intent to DELIBERATELY egg Sam on: “come on, let’s hear it.” It’s an incitement, because Dean wants Sam to act angry, so that Dean can feel more justified in leaving. Sam does not rise to the bait.

Dean has an excuse for every point Sam has: I had no choice, you were dying, it’s not in me, he saved your life. He says, “I did a bad thing with bad consequences and I would 100% do it again, anyway, bye.”

And then the most infuriating thing: Dean is in the wrong, so he tells the person he’s wronged, ugh, I’m just such an awful poisonous person, I’m going to burn for this. It’s so clearly wrong-headed. Intentional or not, it’s such an obvious invitation for Sam to comfort him that it might well have been embossed. If this were in e.g. season 15, or if the crime he’d committed had been less awful, I can easily hear Sam’s reassurance: no, Dean, I promise you’re a good person, we all make mistakes. It is the most toxic way possible to frame a potential apology.

The textual theme of Dean-as-poison (and, for that matter, the consequence of Kevin’s death vs. the initial crime of the possession) is an intentional muddying of the waters: Crowley, Cas, and Dean himself all bring it up in some fashion, linking some fundamental aspect of Dean himself rather than Dean’s choices to Kevin’s death. Crowley is trying to be cutting; Cas is trying to be supportive; Dean is both excusing himself and camouflaging that fact in his exhausting self-loathing. There is a complicated interplay of what the text says about Dean’s guilt and what it condemns; this pattern continues throughout s9, and reaches its apex in the next several episodes. Dean’s love as a condemning feature rather than a redeeming one is one of my favorite things about SPN, and s9 has it in HIGH gear.

But, here, at least, Sam doesn’t rise to this bait either. “Don’t go thinking that’s the problem, ‘cause it’s not.” The problem is obviously, achingly, exhaustingly clear. Sam’s spelled it out in this very conversation: you tricked me. You lied to me. You got me possessed when I was willing to die. But Dean, and a fair portion of the audience, can’t hear it. So he doesn’t. And they don’t, and they pretend that this line is some sort of puzzle! a cliffhanger on a conversation unfinished! when it was the conclusion, not the beginning.

image that is now inextricable from 9.10

[jawritter]

Twelve Days Of Christmas

Chapter 7

Summary: Dean never realized that Y/N missed Christmas until he turned off an annoying Christmas song on the radio on the way home from a hunt, now he will make it his personal mission to give her the Christmas he misses so much, and if he plays his cards right, maybe he will give her what he has wanted to give her for so many years, himself.

Pairing: Dean Winchester x Reader

Written For: @spnchristmasbingo​​​​​​

Square Field: decorating

Word Count: 1564

Warnings: Fluff, don’t want to give to much away after that.

A/N: This is to help me catch up on my SPN Christmas Bingo card lol Chapter 8 will post tomorrow! I knew chapter will post every day until Christmas! I know I’m insane lol. This is a real time fic collection and all mistakes will be my own! Please do not copy my work! Hope you all enjoy these!!

**SERIES MASTERLIST**   **MASTERLIST**   **BECOME A PATREON**

You don’t remember the last time you slept that well. For some reason, you were beyond exhausted by the time you went to bed last night, probably the alcohol, but still, you appreciated the decent night's sleep nonetheless. 

Normally your sleep, much like most hunters, was plagued with nightmares. Since Dean and yourself had been sharing a bed in the Cabin you, as well as Dean, seemed to be nightmare-free. Even if he did sleep as far away from you as the bed would allow, arms folded like a corpse. 

Rolling over with a sigh you take in the empty bed next to you. It was cold, Dean had been up for some time. The darker than usual sky outside told you that you were probably in for another day indoors, so why was he out of bed already? 

You brush off the feeling of rejection that tried to slip its way into your subconscious. If Dean had a problem with you, then why the hell would he have gone so far and done all this for you? It didn’t make sense for someone who didn’t like someone to want to spend this much time with them, doing all the nice things Dean had done for you over the last few days. 

“Calm the fuck down Y/N, and stop overthinking,” you scold yourself, kicking off the covers and making your way into the living area of the cabin in search of Dean. 

As soon as you descend the little set of stairs you find him easily, sitting with his coffee cup in his hands, and eyes staring at the fire he had going in the fireplace, the tree standing in the corner, put together and fluffed in the corner of the room, waiting on you to decorate later today. 

You stood there watching him for a moment, with his sleep tossed hair and sweatpant clad legs spread out comfortably as his eyes watched the hungry flames dance over the logs, consuming them and turning them into ash. 

You reach for your phone in your pocket, and quickly snap a picture of him. Even with the tired, whether-worn look on his face, he was still just as breathtakingly handsome as he was when he was in his late 20’s. Maybe even more so now. That boy you met long ago had been replaced with the man you now loved today. It was done through fire, and torment, the broken pieces that were once discarded, now at the hands of the potter inlaid with gold and turned into a beautiful piece of kintsugi pottery. Unique in his own right, and heartbreakingly beautiful; made so by his own brokenness.   

As you descend the last step his eyes drifted from the fireplace to you, and a warm smile spread across his face, masking the tired expression from before. 

“What are you doing up so early,” he asks as you drift your way to the coffee pot, pouring yourself a generous amount before taking your place next to him on the couch.  

You shrug, knowing his eyes were still watching you closely as you crossed your legs and took a sip of the dark, steaming liquid, savoring its bitter taste on your tongue. “I woke up, and you were already up, so why not get up too.”

Dean hummed in response, offering you the blanket that was on the back of the couch. 

“Got her all setup,” he said, nodding in the direction of the tree. “All we got to do is decorate. It’s gonna be another snow day, so I figured we’d spend today making this place look a little more festive. I know it’s a piss poor day 7, but tomorrow we can get back into more exciting stuff once the snowstorm clears.”

Sitting your coffee down on the little table in front of the two of you, you take his hand in yours, determined to get through to him. 

“Dean, not every day has to be some grand plan all day! I’m perfectly happy decorating the tree and just spending the day with you. When’s the last time we actually decorated for Christmas? Don’t feel like you have to keep me busy. You’ve done so much for me already.”

Dean’s eyes drifted across your face, searching, he was always so hard on himself, he was always trying to carry everyone else’s burdens, it was unfair that no one ever tried to carry him. 

“I just want this to be the Christmas you deserve, Y/N/N.”

“Dean, you’ve already given me that, and so much more. I’ll never forget this, even if I’m lucky enough to live old and develop Altimeters, I will still remember this time here with you. It means that’s much to me.” 

Dean’s eyes traveled to your lips, you didn’t realize you had been gravitating closer to him as you were sitting here talking to him, but right now you were so close to him you could feel his coffee kissed breath fanning over your skin. 

Before your brain could even process what to do next, Dean deliberately leaned closer to you and tentatively captured your lips in his, giving you a sweet, slow kiss that was almost not even there, but at the same time, it was enough to set your heart soaring around the room and light your world on fire all at once. It took a second for your brain to catch up with your body, but as soon as your lips begin to move slowly along with his, he deepened the kiss, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer to him, throwing everything he had into it; slipping his tongue across yours as your lips parted with his own, stealing your breath away from you. 

When he pulled away from you he kept his eyes close and leaned his forehead against your own, both of you breathing as if you had run a marathon, the room itself even felt charged with a current of sorts, igniting around you like the air before a southern thunderstorm. 

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” he confessed earnestly, and looking into his green eyes, still pale in color from the morning light you thought surely you must have fallen and hit your head on a hunt, or this was all some fever-induced dream. 

But it wasn’t a dream or a fever-induced hallucination. This was real, Dean was real, and this whole thing was hanging entirely on your acceptance or rejection. He’d taken a chance, and Dean was quite fragile when it came to his emotions, you knew this was the last time you would ever get this chance again if you pushed him away. 

“And I’ve wanted you to do it since the day I met you.”

The wide, relieved smile that spread across Dean’s face could honestly have stopped the world from moving in its tracks if they saw it. Before his lips could reconnect with your own, his phone began to ring loudly on the coffee table, cutting through the still air around you. Sam’s name flashing in bright letters across the screen. 

“You better get that,” you tell him, looking at the clear dilemma developing in his features. “It might be important.”

Reluctantly, Dean reached over, grabbing the phone and answering quickly. “Make it quick Sammy.”

You watched as Dean’s features transformed from annoyed to confusion, and your nerves started to get the best of you. 

“Sure, that’s fine Sammy, what time?... Okay great...see you then.” 

Dean hung up the phone, leaning over and placing another tentative kiss to your lips before lacing his fingers with yours.

“We better get started decorating,” he said, watching the relief spread across your features as he did, and his heart swelled at the idea that you still wanted to say with him, that he hadn’t just overstepped and ruined everything, he just couldn’t wait any longer. 

“What did Sam want?” you ask, still a little concerned. 

“He and Eileen are going to drive up here to see us tomorrow, he swears nothing’s wrong, he just wants to tell us in person. So I figure we get this place in shape, maybe fix a little family dinner and our Christmas with the family tomorrow, that way Christmas morning It can be just me and you.”

A smile tugged at the corner of your lips as you reached for the box of decorations sitting at the foot of the coffee table, and handed Dean the string of lights to untangle. 

“Well, looks like we better get started then.” 

Dean grabbed the lights from your hands, kissing you quickly again before starting to work on the ball, a new excitement hanging in the air around the cabin. Whatever Sam had to say, good or bad, Dean seemed really excited, and his excitement was contagious. 

Or was it the fact that you were certain your heart would never come down from floating around the raters from that kiss? You didn’t even care what it meant at this point, all you cared about was Dean was kissing you. That was something you never thought would happen. If he gave you nothing else for Christmas, that would be enough.

Forever Tags: 

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Jensen and Dean’s Babe

@akshi8278​

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Dean babes

@forgetthisbull​

Series tag list: 

@440mxs-wife​

[i-am-a-closet-fanfic-fiend]

Finally Free ~ A SPN Finale Fix It

A/N: Hello my lovelies! For those of you who follow this blog, this may come out of nowhere because I pretty much keep to the MCU. But, I’m a long time viewer of SPN and well, I’m a little a lot salty about the finale. Like salty enough to protect against ALL the ghosts. So this happened. I hope for any of you who watch and wanted a different ending that you enjoy this. This is mostly for @supermusicallee​. Love you, hon! 

Summary: Life after Jack takes over is good all around. This picks up and goes canon divergent from the end of 15x19. Some of the dialogue is close/the same as the eps. But I didn’t rewatch so I can’t say for sure. 

Characters/Ships: Sam, Dean, Cas, Eileen, Jack; Destiel, Saileen

Rating: T 

Warnings: SPOILERS THROUGH 15X20, general saltiness on the part of the author, canon level violence, and a good dose of fluff and found family 

Word count: 1408

Enjoy! 

“I don’t think he’s coming with us,” Sam said, eyes never leaving Jack.

“Of course he’s coming with us. He can do whatever he wants. He’s God.”

“Jack?”

“Chuck wrote himself into the story. That was his mistake.”

“Yeah, but you’re already a part of our story.”

“You’re our family. Our son. Isn’t it a little late to write yourself out?” Dean rationalized. “I mean a beer from time to time wouldn’t hurt.”

Jack hummed and thought before smiling to himself.

“I suppose you’re right.”

Jack produced a book from behind his back, handing it to Sam.

“When you go home, put up this warding. It will conceal my presence when I come to visit.”

It was less than they wanted but it was better than the alternative.

“Jack,” Dean spoke hesitantly.

“Yes, Dean.”

“What about Cas?”

Jack’s smile was serene.

“Castiel is saved.”

“Is he back at the bunker?”

That would make the most sense since Jack had returned everyone to their last place.

“No, he isn’t.”

“Then where is he?” Dean’s voice was sharp.

“Waiting for me in heaven.”

“Why the hell is-“

“I need his help. But he will return to you soon, Dean. I promise.”

Sam nodded and Dean seemed conflicted between elation and impatience.

“I need him back, Jack.”

“I know. But I need him for just a little while longer.”

Dean settled slightly, but still looked impatient.

“He will come home, Dean. For now, he and I have work to do. Saving people. Fixing things. That’s what you taught me to do.”

The brothers cracked a smile.

“Yeah it is,” Dean chuckled.

“Goodbye for now.”

“Goodbye, Jack.”

“See ya later, kid.”

Jack placed his hand over his heart and waved before walking away and disappearing.

Dean stared after him a few minutes longer before looking over at Sam. He already had his phone out and was texting furiously.

“Eileen okay?” he asked knowingly.

“Yeah. Yeah, she’s okay.”

“What do you say we grab a beer and I’ll drop you at her place on my way to check on Jody and the girls.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 Sam called Bobby and confirmed all the hunters were alive and on their way back to their lives, promising to check in with everyone in a few days.

Dean smiled as he leaned on the Impala as Sam engulfed Eileen in a bone-crushing hug. He looked away when his baby brother leaned down to kiss her, softly cradling her face in his giant hands.

Once they’d had their moment Eileen approached Dean and gave him a tight hug as well.

“I’m glad you’re okay.” Dean spoke and signed.

“Me too,” she responded. “Are you staying for dinner?”

“Nah, you two don’t need a third wheel. I’m going to head to Sioux Falls. Jody says to come for dinner when you’ve had your fill of canoodling.”

“We’ll be there soon,” Sam assured him.

“Take your time,” Dean ordered. “Have fun.”

 Dean beamed as he pulled up to the familiar house. Jody was waiting by the door, having heard the Impala’s engine. Miracle followed him out of the car dutifully.

“Hey, stranger.”

“Hey yourself. It’s good to see you, Jody. It’s been way to long.”

Dean hugged her for a full two minutes. Jody stroked his hair, knowing he had gone through so much more than she knew and he needed a good hug.  

“Dean, what happened?” she asked when he finally let go, swiping at a stray tear that had escaped.

“It’s a long story.”

“Guess it’s a good thing I made a big dinner. Come on inside.”

 The boys spent a month driving around visiting family and checking on the hunters before returning to the bunker. They fell into an easy routine. Sam kept his ear to the ground for cases and helped out whatever hunters called in, but he also went out with Eileen every other weekend and she worked out of the bunker unless it was an active case.

Dean was thrilled for his little brother, those two were definitely falling in deep. But it was also hard to be around them. Dean missed Cas and the words left unsaid seemed to burn in his throat like the whiskey he’d always favored.

He knew Cas would be back. He trusted Jack, but Dean Winchester had never been a patient man.

While they were at a nearby pie festival, they got word about a strange murder nearby. The case led them to a barn. It was always a creepy barn.

The fight was going well until Dean lost his machete and was suddenly being bull rushed by an overgrown vamp. He was bracing for impact with something solid. His eyes widened as he felt a sharp tip at his back before he was yanked violently to the side. He landed and rolled over as the vamp roared, impaled on the rebar he’d felt in his back seconds ago. The roar was cut off when his head was efficiently lopped off by his savior in a trench coat.

“Cas?”

“Hello, Dean.”

Castiel’s smile was bright, unmarred by the streak of blood on his cheek as he helped Dean to his feet. Dean clung to his shoulders for a moment, taking him in before hugging him, making sure he was real.

Sam had also beheaded his vamp and was watching the pair, relief washing over his feature.  

“You’re really back.”

“I’m really back.”

“For good?”

“For good.”

Dean reluctantly let go of him, so Sam could reunite with his best friend. His eyes drifted to the vampire on the rebar, knowing it was almost him.

That would have been a bullshit way to go out.

“We should get those boys safe and then head home.”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 The three of them shared a few beers and Cas told them what he and Jack had been doing. Heaven. The Empty. Purgatory. They’d all been set to rights. He’d left Hell in Rowena’s more than capable hands.

Dean was quiet, petting Miracle and scraping the label off his beer with his thumb as he watched Cas. Anxiety itched beneath his skin. Partly because he was certain that if he blinked Cas would disappear and partly because he still wasn’t sure he’d find the words to say what he wanted.

Sam stood up suddenly.

Was it sudden? Dean wasn’t sure.

Either way it startled him.

“I’m gonna call it a night.”

“Alright. Good night, Sammy.”

“Night, Dean. Night, Cas. I’m glad you’re home.”

“Me too. Good night, Sam.”

Miracle, sensing the tension in the room, whined and nosed against Dean’s thigh.

“It’s okay, boy. Go lie down.”

One more head butt and Miracle trotted off. The library was quiet.

“You know, you’ve still got quite the timing, Cas. I was almost a hunter kebab back there.”

“I know. I’ve been watching over you.”

Dean hummed and inclined his head.

“Not too busy rebuilding heaven?”

“No, we’ve been done for some time,” he admitted.

“So you didn’t want to come back.”

“No, I did. I just wasn’t sure that I was ready to face you. I wasn’t sure that I was ready to hear your response to my er… confession.”

“But you’re here now.”

“I am. And you don’t have to respond.”

“Oh I’m gonna respond. You’re a dumbass,” Dean scoffed as he got up from his chair.  

Cas’ brow furrowed into his patented confused puppy look.

“Well that wasn’t the response I was expecting. If you’re upset about my deal with the empty it was to save Jack, and-”

“Cas, stop for a second.”  

Dean leaned on the table in front of him, cupping Castiel’s cheek, forcing him to look at him.

“You’re a dumbass because you didn’t think I loved you. I love you.”

“Like a brother,” Cas qualified. “Like Sam.”

“Not like Sam. Not like Jack. Not like anyone I’ve ever met. I love you in the ‘I want to spend every moment of forever with you’ way. And I’m not sure that’s what you meant, but-”

“Now who’s a dumbass. Dean, you are everything to me. I’m in love with you.”

“I’m in love with you too.  And I’m sorry that we lost so much time thinking we couldn’t have each other. But, we’re free now. And I can spend a lifetime making it up to you.”

“I like that plan.”

Dean leaned down and Cas happily met him halfway. Their first kiss was worth the wait.

A/N: So that’s my take on it. I hope you enjoyed!

Tag List: 

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[spn-headcanons-daily]

Hello people of the crazy spn fandom, how are we doing? (not well)

Wanna read some headcanons?

Since the finale, which brought me a new flavour of disappointment, I started to create a list of made up facts/headcanons (don't know how to call it better) of what should in my opinion happen to characters instead. Points about Dean and Cas from this list are slowly turning into my first actual fanfic, but points about Sam and Eileen are more difficult to write into a short story, so for now they are just staying as facts in a list. And I decided to post them here.

Will anyone ever read it? - Probably not.

Will that logical fact stop me? - Definitely not.

I'm going to post these ideas in order, one in each post. They can't count as actual fanfics, but they are long

Side note: I do not accept 15×20 as canon. Nope. It doesn't exist. I chose to completely ignore it, and by now I successfully erased it from my memory. Except for the part that in a few years Sam has a son named Dean (actually not really, but I'm going to call him that for simpler understanding, if you read it you will later find out why). And also Miracle the dog stays, he is a good boy and deserves the best.

I also should mention that in my imaginary world they saved Cas. And I have an idea how, and I think it's a good idea, but that's for another time, 'cause for that part I'm actually writing a fic (and it's becoming longer and longer, I don't know how to stop, it's out of control, please send help)

So they all know now that Cas is alive and he is okay.

Also you should keep in mind that English is my second language which I didn't study properly like a normal person but instead learned purely by watching tv shows, so feel free to kick my ass for any mistakes, there's probably a lot here.

If you read this shit below and liked it at least a little bit, please live something in the notes to make me feel less lonely and useless. Thanks :з

So, too much words, huh? Here is the first headcanon idea:

SAM WRITES A BOOK

After their big victory brothers still hunt monsters, of course, but now, when they are finally not constantly forced to save the whole world, their days are far less busy. They even have free time. And Sam makes a decision to do something useful with it.

Sam pulls together all his previous research, goes through hundreds of books from the library, adds other sources, and he writes and publishes a book. A really long book. It takes him almost a year from the first idea to the completion of it. This book is sort of a database, a full encyclopedia of all supernatural things that the Winchesters and the other hunters they know encountered over the years, with an accurate description of how those things look, what they do, what they want, where you can find them. And, of course, how to stop them, kill them, or protect yourself from them. The content is quite impressive, Sam put all his time and soul into it, checking and double-checking all information, comparing sources and trying to grasp the essence of each part of the lore and put it on the pages as short and simple as possible.

The book is called "The hunter's manual". Eileen insisted on that title - both Sam and Dean (who didn't help that much but nevertheless felt invested) right until the publishing kept offering something different. Sam wanted a long and self-explanatory name for his beloved creation, Dean wished for something more "pretentious and catchy".

It was supposed to be just a wiki-style website at first, but halfway through work Sam got excited about creating an actual book, so through some acquaintances they found a publisher, who knew about monsters and other stuff after his encounter with some vampires and another hunter, and agreed to publish a book in exchange for a right to sell its copies.

Eileen fully supported the idea of the book, but after a few weeks she gets quite annoyed by the fact that sometimes she literally can't pull Sam away from the book writing process. Dean jokes that his brother got married to book before he married Eileen, which somehow leads to a long serious conversation about marriage and love and life in general. But actually Eileen understands the importance of Sam's book for him way more than Dean, who thinks about it only from the practical point of view.

Sometimes Eileen is also worried for Sam, because he spends too much personal resources on his project, and she is the one who reminds him when he forgets to eat in time or not sleeping enough, and makes him remember to take care of himself. Eventually she becomes quite invested in the process, and she helps Sam with a lot of research and gaining information from other hunters across the country. She gets an honourable mention in the book's authors' information page, under a fake name, of course, but it still counts for them.

In a few years Sam's book becomes a handbook for almost every hunter in the US, and it even gets translated into a few other languages, because turns out it considerably eases your life to have one source for all basic material for the hunts, instead of going through the whole libraries of controversial information.

A few people got their book signed by Sam and Dean: the Winchesters at this point became sort of legendary figures in hunters' world. Dean complains that this is not the way he planned to become famous. Sam objects that his brother has no right to sign the book and therefore shouldn't be complaining when he lets him be part of his fame.

The hunters now often give a link to a digital version of the book to all ordinary people who had to face something supernatural and now know that it's all real - because if they are already aware of the nightmares of this world, this book's instructions will help them to be safer in the future. This digital version is also heavily redacted, to contain only information for protection: no summoning rituals, for example, as well as no any other things and information that could potentially hurt anybody. This version was created after some dumb teenagers, who encountered a ghost before, got their hands on an unedited book and decided that summoning a demon could be a good idea for a party entertainment. It definitely wasn't.

Ironically, some time later this book accidentally becomes fairly popular among the general public, as a book in the fantasy genre, and now passionate fans of the "supernatural" books in the long internet discussions are accusing mysterious author of "The hunter's manual" of ripping off their favourite series. Sam finds it amusing and sometimes when he is bored anonymously goes into some forums to argue with fans.

[vintageneptune92]

More Than I Can Say

More Than I Can Say- Dean Winchester x Reader

So here is the finished copy. I didn’t proof the rest of it so please ignore any mistakes. I mean...I wanted to include more...but I kind of got stuck and I didn’t want it to take me longer to post. It’s little snippets of events. Soooo if you’d like a Part 2 let me know!

As always your likes, reblogs, comments etc. are all appreciated. Please let me know if you would like to be added to any of my tag lists. As always- Requests are open!

a request for @chevyimpala00067​ with Dean Winchester. Prompts: 57: “ Is that my shirt? ” & 66: “ Is that a new perfume? ”

SPN Tag List:  @deans-baby-momma @fandom-princess-forevermore @magssteenkamp @blancastans @jn-wolf​ @waywardsistersandpie​

SPN Masterlist

Falling in love with Dean Winchester hadn’t been easy or simple. It hadn’t been expected. You were living your life as a college student with your mother at one moment and the next you were in Sioux Falls with your estranged father. And you  didn’t have the best start to your father-daughter relationship.

You had been the result of a fling your father had with your mother after Bobby’s wife died. Your mother had kept you a secret for most of your life. You had begged her to tell her who your father was. She continually told you that it was a tree you didn’t want to bark up.

When you were 20 years old and half way through your degree, your mother died of cancer. It had devastating effects. 2 days after her funeral you received a package in the mail. It contained a letter from your mother telling you about your father and it included some letters and a few pictures of the two of them. You thought it was a joke. Your mother had been a hunter and worked with Bobby Singer. When she found out she was pregnant she cut ties and disappeared determined that you wouldn’t grow up like that. “It’s the greatest regret of my life that you don’t know your father. He’s a good man.”

You sold the house and everything you could besides a few pieces of jewelry and a handful of keepsakes from your mother, packed up your Jeep and drove from upstate New York to Sioux Falls.

He slammed the door in your face. I mean you couldn’t blame him. Some random shows up claiming to be his daughter. Little did you know at the time, he thought you were a demon of Crowley’s trying to get one up on him and the Winchester boys. You steeled yourself as you stared at the door in your face. You put one of the photos and one of his letters in an envelope, taped it to the door with your cell number and the hotel you were staying at written on it and left to find a place to stay. You needed to figure out your next move. How stupid you had been to think that your long lost father would welcome you with open arms. How naive to think you could have started a new life with him. Now you had to figure out what to do and where to go.

“Hey Bobby- this was stuck to your door.” Dean Winchester looked at the neat handwriting with intrigue. Bobby yanked it from his hand mumbling about con artists and demons but tore into the manila envelope anyway. Sam and Dean watched as the color drained from his face. His hand ran from his forehead down to his chin.

“Bobby- are you okay?” Sam stepped towards him, face laced with concern.

“She was telling the truth…I have a daughter.”

“I’m sorry- what?!” Dean stood wide eyed and slack jawed.

“She was here. I was horrible to her and slammed the door in her face. I thought it was Crowley playing his games. I didn’t believe her.” Dean grabbed the envelope.

“Well looks like she’s willing to give you a second chance at a first meeting. I’ll be back. Sammy help Bobby get his wits about him. I’ll go get her and bring her back here.”

“What if she won’t come?” Bobby looked heart broken and self-loathing all at the same time. Dean grinned at him.

“Who can say no to this face?”

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          * You sat at the table in your hotel room staring at nothing in particular at all trying to decide where to go and what to do next when there was a pounding at your door. You tentatively turned the door handle and yanked it open. You were expecting the cranky old man, but instead were met with a cocky grin and smiling green eyes.

“Sweetheart, you need to learn how to drop a truth bomb.”

“Excuse you? Wait who are you?” Annoyance was dripping from your voice, but sadness was written all over your face.

“I’m Dean. Here to fetch you for your Daddy who is kicking himself for being an asshat. You must have gotten your looks from your mother. Lucky you.” You scoffed.

“Fetch me? I’m not going anywhere with you. I don’t even know you!”

“I’m a good friend of Bobby Singer. A surrogate son- luckily not blood related.” He gave you what you would begin to call the Dean Winchester Wink. As you rolled your eyes, Dean would never need a blood test to prove you were Bobby’s daughter. He saw it in your attitude.

“You must go after some low hanging fruit with those lines. Clearly being good looking makes it so you don’t have to try very hard.” He grinned at you, the cheesiest grin you’d seen in a long time.

“You think I’m good looking sweetheart?”

“Not enough to excuse all of this.” You waved your hand in his general direction. He threw his head back and laughed.

“There’s something to be said for nature vs. nurture. You may have never spent a day with Bobby but damn do you have his attitude. Listen, he found your envelope and feels like crap. Come back. Give him a second chance.” You hesitated for a moment. “C’mon sweetheart. I promise if you want to leave I’ll bring you back anytime you want.

“Let me grab my stuff.” You turned to get your purse and jacket, paused and turned back to him. “Stop calling me sweetheart.” He wiggled his eyebrows at you and you shut the hotel room door behind you. You felt his hand find the small of your back to lead you down the hall. You didn’t know it then, but that would feel like home a few years down the road.

Dean pulled into the salvage yard and turned off the Impala. You were impressed with the car but you’d be damned if you’d let him know that. He was about to get out when he saw you staring ahead and not moving. He got out, came around to the passenger side and opened your door and squat down next to you.

“Look- I don’t know your story, I don’t know your mother or why she kept you and Bobby apart. What I do know is Bobby is one of the best men that I have ever known.  He’s been more of a father to me than mine own father was sometimes. I’m sure his initial reaction scared you off. But you left him your contact info for a reason. He’s good people. I promise you- you decide you want out of here and I’ll take you anywhere you want to go. Give him a chance.” He put his hand out to help you out of the car. You studied his face for a moment, while he was smug and obnoxious when he showed up at your door, he was nothing but sincere now. It was your first glimpse into the real Dean Winchester. You were comforted by the sincerity coming from his expression. The way his eyes crinkled when you smiled would end up being one of your favorite things in the world to see. You nodded and placed your hand in his and let him lead you to your future.

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You surprisingly took the truth about the supernatural well. While the story of Dean going to hell and the Angel Castiel gave you pause, you knew it deep down to be true. Maybe it was because your mother had told you in her letter first. Truth be told you thought she had lost her mind to the chemo, but then you started getting hit with memories from your past, or well her past. While she had given up the hunting life, you remembered her conversations with other hunters who would stop by for advice or to rest- including John Winchester.

Bobby had been livid when you told him you had met John. There was no way John hadn’t known you were his. If John Winchester hadn’t already been dead, you were sure your father would have done him in. Now 6 months later you were in deep. He was already in a mood and you had just made it worse.

“You are NOT going on the road with Sam and Dean.”

“Yes, I am. I can’t sit around this place doing research telling them how to kill monsters when I can actually do it.

“Listen- if Bobby doesn’t want you to go, sorry sweetheart but you’re staying here.” You were seething.

“You know what, fine. I’ll go out on my own. I can find cases.” You stormed past Dean and gut punched him. “And I told you not to call me sweetheart”. Sam stood watching like a deer in headlights not wanting to say anything and piss you or Bobby off even more. He decided to stay put instead of following you out to your car. A few minutes later her heard you scream.

You were going to murder Dean Winchester. He must have anticipated your going on your own declaration because he had messed with your Jeep. The oil was leaking and when you hadgotten down on the ground to check it out you had gotten covered in oil.

You came charging back into the house and Sam had bitten back his laughter. He didn’t want any of your wrath pointed at him. Dean would eventually pay for his sins. Sam wanted to make sure all of your anger was directed accordingly.

“Sweetheart-“ Dean made sure to put emphasis on the unwelcomed pet name. 

“Is that new perfume? Eau De Grand Cherokee?” He belly laughed. Sam was sure he saw homicide in your eyes, and then he caught the glint. You snatched the Impala keys off of the counter and ran out of the house.

“Y/N DON’T YOU TOUCH MY BABY!” Dean roared after you. Bobby’s anger had dissipated.

“I supposed I should get used to the idea of the two of them.” Sam raised his eyebrows at Bobby. “C’mon Sam- don’t tell me you don’t see it. Those two are falling head over heels for each other.”

“You’d be okay with that? Dean and Y/N?” Sam was surprised. Bobby wore the “Over protective father” outfit well.

“Sam- your brother is a good man. I couldn’t ask for someone better to take care of her. I’ve seen how he takes care of people he loves. I’ve watched him take care of you. The two of you are the best men I know. She’ll be in good hands. They just have to get out of their own way to see it.”

“You know if she goes out with us, we’ll die before we let something happen to her.” Bobby nodded.

“I know. I just want to keep her safe here. But hell, It ain’t safe here either. The only way she would be safe is if she never found me.” Sam was about to respond but covered his mouth as he laughed as he watched Dean, also covered in car oil carrying you across the yard over his shoulder.

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A milk run. A freaking milk run he had told you. A simple salt and burn. A great way for he and Sam to show you the ropes.

This was not a milk run. The person they thought was doing the haunting, the bones they salted and burned, was the person trying to protect innocents from the spirits haunting the house. The brother of two evil twin sisters and they couldn’t find their bodies. They had somehow separated you from him and Sam. Why couldn’t things just go their way for once?

Dean was trying to get the door to the room that you were locked in open. The creepy sisters had some murder ritual that they were holding you for. Sam was searching for the bones to salt and burn.

“DEAN!!” You screamed his name, he could hear the fear and tears in your voice. You weren’t a crier and you were one of the bravest people he knew, you didn’t scare easy.

“Hang on Y/N. It’ll be okay.”

“I’m out of salt rounds and there’s no God Damn iron in this room.

“Sammy is gonna find the bodies and I’ll get this damn door open.” Your voice was closer, you must have move towards the door.

“You can’t open the door. They shut it. It’s not a lock you can pick. Tell my dad I’m glad I got to know him. Even if we only had a little time together.”

“Don’t you start that goodbye shit. This isn’t over!” He yelled the last part.

“Yes it is.” He felt the coldness from the room on the outside of the door. You must have been freezing.

“Bring it bitches.” Your voice was fearless. You’d only broke when you knew it was just the two of you. He was beating down the door, renewed strength. He felt encouraged when it started to splinter. Moments later he froze in fear when he heard screaming. At first he thought it was you but then the door popped open. There you stood with a container of salt in your hands. You must have been throwing it at the sisters. Dean saw the faint remains of flames and ashes.

“Sammy found the bones” You cried and dropped the salt. Dean ran forward and slipped his arms around you, pulling you tight to his body, one hand cradling the back of your head. Another feeling you’d come to associate with love, safety and security.

“It’s okay sweetheart. It’s over. I’m so sorry.” Sam watched from a distance with a smile on his face. He was thrilled you were safe and that he had stopped the terror twins. Dean was different with you around. Good different. Your body relaxed in Dean’s arms.

“Can we not tell my dad how bad it was” Dean laughed and hugged you tighter.

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“You knew Sam was alive?!” Dean raged.

“I wanted to tell you. I didn’t find out until recently. My dad kept it from me too. I called you as soon as I found out. I left you a message but by the time you called me back Sam had gotten to me. He said he wasn’t ready. He said you were happy. I wanted to call you and tell you so many times. I’m sorry.” You wiped a few tears from your eyes. “They said you were happy Dean. Really happy. I couldn’t be the one to ruin that. You, more than anyone, deserve real happiness. And honestly, it wasn’t my place to tell you. It was Sam’s. He came back and didn’t want to tell you. I couldn’t do that to him. I was screwed no matter what I did.

Despite his rage, he couldn’t stay mad at you. And you weren’t wrong. He sighed and looked at you. "It's okay Y/N. It's not fair for either one of us to put you in that position" It was a terrible position for you to be in. He pulled you in for a hug. His hand found the back of your head. He loved Lisa, he truly did. But you, you felt like home. He didn’t know what the hell to do.

"You're not mad at me?" Your voice was almost a whisper.

"You're right. You were screwed either way. You did the right thing by staying out of it. I'm sorry for yelling at you." To be honest, you were pretty shocked. You expected Dean to rage at you at least a little bit longer.

"I'm glad you're here now. I"m sorry that Lisa and Ben were put in harms way, but I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss you."

"I missed you too, Y/N. You could have come to see me, you know."

"I didn't think you wanted to be a part of this life any more and I didn't want to take the chance of anything following me to your family." You looked away from Dean, trying to hide the hurt expression on your face after calling Lisa and Ben his family.

Sam had hinted to Dean that he wanted him to go off an live a normal life with Y/N. Dean knew that if they stayed together, they'd never give up the life. So to honor Sammy, he had let and went off to Lisa and did everything he could to get Y/N out of his mind. Now his heart belonged in two places, but he had to honor what he had with Lisa.

"You will always be my family too Y/N. Always." Dean wanted to say more, but you had just given him a quick nod of your head and rushed off into the other room.

The idea of Dean with anyone hurt. The two of you flirted relentlessly and always got jealous when the other had the nerve to talk to someone else at a bar after a hunt. This was a hard pill to swallow. You hadn't expected Dean to walk away. You had thought you were in it together. Then he was gone. Sam was gone. Even Castiel was essentially gone. You had your father and the two of you continued his work, helping other hunters and occasionally went on a small case.

Then you found out Sam was back. You had been elated and then confused as to why he wasn't going to Dean. Then he told you how happy Dean was in his new life. How he had started over like you didn't exist. Like none of this had ever happened. You had accepted it and tried to move on. Now he was back, and he was still looking at you like he did before he left. You leaned against the door and pinched the bridge of your nose. You had to get it together. Dean wasn't really back, he was here to take care of his family and then he would be gone again. You would be alone, again. Dean watched you slowly disappear knowing that he made a mistake leaving you behind. His heart belonged to you, it had since the day you sassed him at that hotel and it always would.

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You should have stuck with Sam & Dean. The most recent case brought the three of you back to your old stomping grounds in Upstate NY. Sam and Dean had encouraged you to go off and see some of your old friends while they worked the case. They could handle it. You deserved some fun and you needed a break. 

It had all been too much. Sam without his soul was tricky. Dean had tried to make it work with Lisa but realized quickly that he couldn't have that family and be a hunter. Dean Winchester was a hunter. The "Apple Pie Life", as he put it, would never be for him. You had known that, but hated seeing him hurting all the same. The three of you were in this weird funk and it was stressing you out. You felt like you couldn't breath and the powder keg that had become your life was ready to blow. You were eager to pretend this wasn't your life, even if it was just for a day or two.

That fun had blown up in your face. You held the phone to your ear willing him to pick up. You felt a flood of relief wash over you when he finally did. 

"Dean...."Your voice came out in a cry. "I need you. Something happened." After a few reassurances that everything would be fine, you gave him directions on how to find you and the warehouse you were holed up in. You should have known that you wouldn't ever get a break. This life would haunt you until the end of your days.

Dean had Sam circling the outside of the warehouse as he went in to find you. He could smell the blood and death. He was hoping that a few days with your old friends would breath some life back into you. You had seemed like a shell of the girl he first met. You had put an effective wall between the two of you. He knew it was because he had left. The flirty banter was a thing of the past. You seemed to be operating on auto pilot. The past year had taken its toll on you. As he stepped quietly, holding his gun, he saw her. Your best friend from college laying on the floor, eyes wide open, throat ripped out and lifeless. Dean closed his eyes for a moment and felt the loss for you. He leaned over and used his palm to shut her eyes. At least now she looked like she was sleeping. He slowly moved to the back of the warehouse and that's when he saw you. Sitting against the wall, skinny jean clad knees pulled to your chest with your chin resting on them, glassy eyes and covered from head to almost toe in dried blood. He would have been worried it was yours if he didn't see the headless corpse a few feet away from you. He tried to assess the situation. A vampire must have gotten the jump on the two of you. He assumed the vamp attacked your friend first and met its unfortunate end at your hand and the blade on the floor to the right of you.

"Y/N." Dean rushed to your side. You looked at him with watery eyes. He put his hand on the side of your face, despite it being covered with dried blood. "Are you hurt?" You shook your head no and stared forward.

"She's dead."

"I know." He sighed.

"This vamp- knew who I was, knew I was Bobby's daughter. Apparently Bobby and Rufus had taken out their family. He had gotten away and tried to live his "best life" or whatever." You air quoted as you spoke. "Then he heard some demons talking, Crowley's inner circle, that Bobby had a long lost daughter. So he started looking into me. Before...Bobby didn't have anyone to lose. With a daughter, the douche bag thought he could get his revenge. He chased us and we ran into this place to try and get her someplace safe." You scoffed. "I had my back turned for two seconds and I was too late. After he killed her, he attacked me. He had me pinned to the ground. Luckily I had a knife with me."

"Did you...did you saw his head off with that tiny knife." You nodded. "While he was on top of you?" Dean took your lack of response as a yes. "Damn that's bad ass. Explains you being covered in blood." He tried to joke. You closed your eyes and a few tears fell. "Listen to me, Y/N...you did the best you could do. her death isn't your fault." You tilted your head to the side.

"It is. Because in this life we don't have the luxury of having relationships with people that aren't hunters. With people that can't defend themselves. I shouldn't have come here." You looked up and saw Sam watching the two of you.

"She's okay Sammy...go get the car." Sam nodded and ran out of the warehouse. "C'mon, let's get you out of here and get you cleaned up. Sam and I will take care of her and the vamp body." You nodded and let him pull you to your feet. Your torso was soaked in blood. It was like you had been standing under a red waterfall. He studied you for a moment. Your skinny jeans were paired with ankle boots, a black tank top and a red and black plaid shirt. "Wait...is that my shirt?" You gave him a hint of a smile and let him lead you out of the warehouse giving your friend one last longing look on your way out.

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The imagine of you screaming and falling to your knees in the hospital as Bobby flat lined would haunt Dean Winchester for the rest of his days. The 4 of you barely got away from the Leviathans. You had been frantic when Dick Roman had gotten his hands on your father, but the 4 of you had gotten out of that building. Dean and Sam were celebrating in the front seat when they heard you cry out, holding your father, begging them to get to the hospital. 

There had been a glimmer of hope when Bobby had opened his eyes. His last act was trying to help the 3 of you save the world...again. His last action had been to look at you with loving eyes and squeeze your hand. Dean knew what he was saying with that. "Thank you for coming into my life." Bobby loved you more than anything. The bond the two of you had forged in a short period was strong. It wasn't fair, the two of you deserved more time together. Dean found himself blaming Cas again. If he had just listened to Dean, none of this would have happened.

But then Cas took Sam's burden, effectively giving the younger Winchester back to Dean and Y/N. You had told Cas you forgave him before he did that. You, who had lost yet another person you loved, could forgive the Angel. You understood he thought he was doing the right thing. You appreciated his regret and were thankful for the sacrifice he was making for Sam. Dean could only wish to have your empathy. His feelings were complicated. Cas was...his best friend. Like his brother. And like his brother, had betrayed him. You had shown Dean how to really forgive Sam. He was hoping he could follow your lead with Castiel.

The three of you were holed up in an abandoned house trying to hide from Dick Roman and his band of morons. Dean didn't want this for you. He wanted you safe but you wouldn't go. You were clinging to Dean and Sam, the only family that you had left. Dean was sitting against a wall, slowly stroking your hair as you slept with your head in his lap. Sam had given him a raised brow look when he walked in,  but said nothing and went back to his research. This was the only way you would get any restful sleep these days, if you were with him. As long as he was with you, you slept. Otherwise you were plagued with nightmares. Dean knew too much about nightmares. He would suffer though a thousand sleepless nights making sure you had peace.

After Lisa, Dean was sure he would never let anyone close to him again. He couldn't risk anyone's safety. His life wasn't meant for love. Then Sammy had to point out that you were already in this life and in danger. He had to point out he knew how much Dean loved you. That Bobby had known. That Bobby had approved. Sam was certain that you loved Dean too. Dean was a coward though and he couldn't say anything, so Sam continued to needle him. Finally Dean agreed to tell you how he felt, but after you had time to grieve the loss of your father. Dean refused to take advantage of your fragile state. He wanted you clear headed when he told you. He had decided that if and when they got rid of Dick Roman, that's when he would tell you. He looked down when he felt you stirring.

"You okay sweetheart?" You blinked a few times as you looked up at him. "I'm with you. I'm always okay with you." He smiled down at you. "Dean...you need to try and sleep."

"I'm okay. You rest sweetheart." You had long stopped demanding he not call you by his favorite pet name. You did notice that it was now reserved for you, whereas before it was what he called just about any female.

"Dee, you need to sleep too."

"How about this, you sleep and then I'll let Sammy drive tomorrow and I'll sleep in the car."

"I don't believe you."

"I promise okay?" You pursed your lips and studied his face. "Do I ever break my promises to you?"

"No...you don't." He watched curiously as you pulled yourself up and  knelt next to him. He turned to look at you and you placed a hand on his face and stroked his cheek with your thumb. "Thank you for taking such good care of me. I know loosing him was just as hard on you as it was on me."

"I'll always take care of you." he leaned his face slightly into your hand. "I promise." The two of you stayed like that for a moment and then Dean pulled you into his lap and had you settle in between his legs with your back pressed against his chest. He claimed it was to keep you warm as you slept. In reality, he just wanted to hold on to you without having to admit he was afraid that Dick Roman would take you from him too.

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“Sam where did they go? Where did HE go?” 

Sam wasn’t sure what was more painful. The moment you lost your father or the moment you lost Dean. You couldn’t compare them, not really. The loss of each had been deep. You had loved them both in very different ways. All he could do was replay your heart broken voice in his head. The moment you realized Sam was packing it in you were gone. You didn’t stick around to try and convince him. You didn’t even say a real goodbye. All you left behind was one line.

“He wouldn’t stop looking. Neither can I.”

You couldn’t believe Sam was throwing in the towel. He and Dean had come back from Hell. There was no way he was just gone. He and Cas has vanished into thin air. There was only one person who could tell you where he was. Crowley.

You were a multitude of things- desperate, confused, lost, hurting and most of all angry. Or maybe it was that anger allowed you to focus. You were so disappointed in San and so pissed at him. Dean didn’t go and try to live a normal life until he tried to get Sam back first. Sam was just willing to accept that he was gone.

Not you. You had lost your mother, your father, your best friend, Cas had been lost more than once and in more than one way and now Dean. You were getting him and Cas back. Your desperation and anger made you reckless. You knew the only way to get to Crowley was to start knocking off his demons one by one. You didn’t look for cases or people to save. Your only objective was to get answers.

You had been slaughtering Crowley’s Demons for the better part of a year when the King Of Hell finally showed himself.

“Hello Poppet.” His smarmy voice made your skin crawl. “You’ve been busy.” He looked around the room at your latest kills. He had to admit he was impressed. Dean Winchester has taught you well. “Well Darling, you got my attention. How can the King help you?” He was entertained by what he saw come out of you. The hardest eye roll he’d ever seen and a acids that would give Bobby Singer a run for his money.

“You know what I want.”

“He’s dead.“

“He’s not. I would feel it if he was gone.” That intrigued him. He wanted to see how this would play out.

“He’s in Purgatory. Apparently killing Dick Roman yanked open a portal.”

“How do I get him out.” Now it was Crowley’s turn to scoff and when you didn’t relent he rolled his own eyes.

“There’s a portal in the back woods in Maine. It’s exit only darling. Purgatory doesn’t like human offerings.” He saw the sheer determination on your face. A map materialized and he handed it to you. “Be careful poppet. And stop killing my men.” And in a flash...his majesty was gone. Anyone else he would have incinerated for killing so many of his demons. She was intriguing to him. She was fierce. It was curious to Crowley that Y/N Singer, who hadn’t been a hunter for even half a decade could demolish so many of his demons. Even more curious was the fact that Sam Winchester wasn’t fighting for Dean Winchester by her side. Dean’s reaction to that, to Sam running away, was all the reason to help get the hunter back.

God you were tired. All of the fighting, hunting and scheming was taking its toll on you, but you were too close to quit now. You were trekking through the woods in Maine to find where the portal opening to Purgatory was. You had stopped to rest for a moment when you felt your phone vibrating in your pocket. Shocked shadowed your features as you saw the caller ID.”

“Sammy.” Your greeting was flat. It had been almost a year since you had last spoken.

“Guess again Sweetheart.” Your heart started pounding as his gritty voice filled your ears.

“Dean?!” His name came out as a cry. “How are you back? Where are you?”

“It’s a long story, I’d rather share in person. I’m at the cabin. I’m dying to see you. Where are you.” You laughed.

“But I was coming to rescue you.”

“Rescue me? Where are you?” He pressed again.

“Maine. I’m hiking through the woods to find the portal to purgatory to save your ass.” It was Dean’s turn to laugh.

“Oh sweetheart. I’m so glad I got out before you stepped foot in that place. Wait- how did you know?”

“Crowley finally told me. I’ve spent the last year killing every Demon I could looking for answers.I’m on my way to you now.” Dean swelled with pride. He wished he could have seen the shit storm you had kicked up for Crowley. Though he was thankful Crowley didn’t retaliate.

“I can’t wait to see you.”

There were no tests when you arrived much to Sam’s protest. Dean knew it was you. You were barely in the door before he had scooped you up in his arms. A year of nothing but killing and fighting had finally caught up with you. The walls broke and you found yourself sobbing as Dean buried his face in your neck.

”Sweetheart it’s okay. Everything is going to be okay.”

”I didn't think I would ever see you again.” Dean pulled away to look at your face. 

He placed both hands on the sides of your face and wipes your tears with his thumbs.

”I will always find my way back to you.” Sam shuffled and the moment broke. He thought Dean’s anger had been unbearable, but the way you were looking at him sent a shiver down his spine. You didn’t have to say anything. Your look said it all.

I told you he was alive.  

*          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *          *

It was one of the rare quiet moments you and the Winchesters had. It had been a roller coaster since Dean had been back. Everything with Kevin, the auction, all of the sniping between Dean and Sam and then you and Sam. Benny. You still couldn't get over the fact that Dean Winchester had befriended a vampire. Though you were grateful that he got Dean out of that place. Dean trusted him, that was good enough for you. You wished it had been good enough for Sam. It just caused more friction in an already tense atmosphere.

It was the middle of the night and you were sitting in an arm chair staring out the window, a spot you often took when you couldn't sleep, which was almost every night. Your nightmares were plagued by images of your father dead, or watching his ghost burn up, or Kevin and his mother. You had nightmares of Cas suffering in purgatory. The most frequent were of Dean and Sam dead. You were pissed as hell at Sam still, but the idea of anything happening to him tore you up inside. The idea of Dean no longer being in this world was too unbearable to even think of. You felt Dean's calloused hand slide over your shoulder. Things had been different since he had gotten back. He had been more closed off. The closeness between to two of you after your father had died was still there, but it was different. It was like he didn't want anyone to get too close now that he was back. All the killing he did in Purgatory had taken a toll on him, but the loss of Castiel had been what  broke him. You knew he blamed himself, but he wouldn’t tell you what happened. Being at arms length was killing you.

"You need to sleep. You sit here like this every night." His voice came out as a husky whisper.

"I can't. I can't close my eyes and see what I see every night." You put your hand over his as he went to remove his hand from your shoulder. "Please don't pull away from me." You could feel his body stiffen for a moment and you let his hand go. He sat in the chair next to you, he leaned over with his elbows on his knees, quiet for a moment. 

"I have to. That place changed me. I'm different." You leaned forward and put your hand on his cheek so he would look you in the eyes.

"You're still Dean. You're still MY Dean. I need you. Please." You watched a variety of emotions pass through his eyes.

"Y/N..." his tone was warning.

"Don't Dean. We've danced around this for years. I almost lost you." Your voice came out in a sob." He adverted his eyes.

"Don't say it. Please don't say it. I'm no good for you. You deserve better than me." He looked back into your eyes and he looked shattered.

"You are the same Dean Winchester that came and got me from my hotel room. You are the same Dean Winchester that has been protecting me since the day I met him. You're the same Dean Winchester I fell in love with." You watched his eyes widen. "I think I've loved you since the moment I opened that door. And I've been too scared to admit it."

"You can't."

"Dean...you are a GOOD man, despite any mistakes you have made. You're the best man I know. Look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me and we'll never talk about this again."

"You know I love you." He looked down.

"Then don't be a coward." His eyes snapped back up to yours. No one was ever brave enough to call Dean Winchester a coward. "We're in this life together. I'm not in any more danger if you love me or you don't. I don't want to be alone in this anymore." a tear slipped from your eyes. Dean lunged forward and kissed you. You felt every single piece of your broken heart come back together. It may be scarred, but Dean Winchester would make you whole again. You both knew the future wouldn't be easy, but you would face it together.

[flyingcatstiel]

Sooooo, it finally happened to me as well. Tumblr just ate my answer to anon, but well, I had a draft. Here you go nonnie!

I think most current Cas/Destiel fans are Dean/Jensen fans. Period. They beat their chests about Dean apologising to Cas and instead we got Dean forgiving Cas and yet they screamed Destiel. Now the same bunch say Cas dying and Dean saying Cas I love you after he dies is also good enough for them. When Cas has fans like this, who needs enemies. No wonder the writers and show treat Cas so badly. I personally think Misha is not in final episode - he will be shown as a memory / flashback. That's it.

Oh, there’s a lot of unpack here. Spoilers ahead!

I’ll start with the most pressing issue right now. I’m very upset about the show playing “where is Misha” game in regards to the episodes 19 & 20. I’ve seen some positive takes on it like - Cas is so IMpoRtAnttttt, that’s why they are keeping his appearance a secret! Lol no. Like we haven’t heard that one before. And usually, if the show doesn’t mention Cas, it’s because he is not there like it was with the 200th episode or s11 mid season finale. (And fans hoped that Cas is being kept as a secret then) Other take - Cas has different clothes in finale! So what? Keep those clothes a secret, post more trench coat Cas. Some folks think it is done to generate chatter on soc media, which is already happening, true, but also, it’s not a good thing? And other folks think that Cas fans are hysterical, again, because lol duh, of course Cas will be in the last episode because destiel is happening because Cas is important character!

I personally think that all this secrecy around Cas/Misha in the 15x20 is manipulative and cruel. TPTB are intentionally yanking fandom and the longer it goes, the more I’m ready agree with you that we will have very little Cas/Misha in the series finale. Maybe it is already filmed. Maybe it can be filmed with green screen and only Misha on the set. I just can’t wrap my head around the idea that the hook SPN has for the final episode of 15 seasons is the mystery of Where Is Cas. Like, what logic is there? We just killed fan favorite, unofficial third lead in 15x18 but please keep watching the show! He’s very dead! We know you loved him! Have some Mark P in exchange!!!

I mean, the only reason I would be excited to watch 15x20 if Dabb personally assures fans that yes, Cas will be back. Otherwise, why bother? It’s not a secret that a lot of fans kept watching only because of Cas. To kill Cas again and to toy with his fate, again, is just so, so low. We just went through all this emotional rigmarole afters s12 finale. And before that, s10 finale. And before that was 7x01. Cas being killed for good is not new or original. Uncertainty about the number of Cas episodes in every season is not new. To rub this again into Cas fans faces is just plain cruel. What kind of surprise element is there left? Is this how SPN show runners want to be remembered? Sigh, SPN writers are really trying to snatch the title of the worst show runners from those Game of Thrones dudes.

Other stuff under the cut.

You know, I also used to think that most of destiel metas were written by Dean fans. And metas are the tool that frames fans’s opinions and feelings, so the overall feeling, at least for me, was that destiel metas and majority of fans don’t care much about Cas. After every pivotal destiel scene there were plenty of metas that explained why and how the scene is a step towards canon destiel etc. And quite often in the haste to prove it, Cas’s feelings and motivations were ignored while Dean’s explored and justified. Just remember how destiel metas treated “beer run” scene in s11 finale. How much effort was put into dismissing Cas’s hurt feelings, how Cas fans were told to shut up because we are getting destiel soon. It took months for meta writers to admit that the scene was harmful to Cas. I don’t even want to talk about this so called apology in s15x09 and how wrong it was on how many levels. After building up destiel conflict for 3+8 eps, after Dean lashing out at Cas with passive aggressive comments during that time, we got half baked apology for wrong issues via prayer! Not even face to face. (And Dabb admitted that their issues are not fully resolved, meta writers didn’t mention that at all) So yea, I feel you. But I have also been visiting Dean stan blogs, and well, they think that most of destiel metas are written by Cas stans who don’t care about Dean’s feelings at all. Curious, isn’t it? So, now I personally think that most pro destiel metas are written with one goal only - to prove that destiel subtext exists (duh), that it is intentional and it will lead to some kind of canon acknowledgement. They cherry pick stuff that helps to prove that writers are building up destiel and ignore scenes where the same writers insert No Homo or bros only stuff. Notice how Dean and Cas patching up their relationship in 15x09 is followed by a wacky episode where Dean and Sam are super wacky? It happens all the time, after a destiely scene we get a tribute to that other ship.

Next. There always have been fans who were OK with destiel going canon if Cas (or Dean) dies. This fandom in particular loves angst and character death. I’ve my theories about it, but it’s not surprising that these sentiments are getting more popular now. Folks care about the validation of their ship, if Cas dies, who cares because suffering is what matters. I personally think that now, halfway through s15 it’s too late to make destiel canon. There’s no time left to resolve the main conflict, the trust issues. And without emotional resolution of their last conflict, what’s the point? We don’t have another season coming. 

The beauty of canon ship is that they had positive, enriching time together, even if the big ILY happens at the very end, we witnessed them getting closer. And make no mistake, SPN writers did really good job at separating Dean and Cas ever since s8. Half of the time Cas was on the show, he was away from Dean. So, when the shippers are denied actual scenes between Dean and Cas, no wonder they don’t care if Cas lives or dies.

Now look at s15 and tell me if this is something to cherish - all the time they spend apart, all small jabs Dean threw at Cas, Dean blaming Cas for Mary’s death, sending Cas to Hell with Belphagor without a second thought and then chewing him out for making a decision not to die there. And of course the crown jewel of Bobo, Dean telling Cas “Then you are dead to me!”. That’s the stuff soulmates are made of, I’m telling you. /sarcasm/

[hawkland]

Dear Hurt Comfort Exchange creator

My Letter for the 2021 Hurt Comfort Exchange

My AO3 profile: sidewinder

Thank you for writing for me! I know I’ll be thrilled with whatever you come up with for any of my requests. (And if I babble on or have more prompts for one request than another, don’t take that as any kind of preference. I’d love receiving any of these equally; some are just newer ships for me so I may have a lot of unfulfilled ideas.)

Please consider the requested tags all the “prompt” you need if so inspired, if none of my suggested scenarios and ideas inspire you. Also, of course, feel free to combine them or use only one as you see fit!

Overall/General Do Not Wants:

A/B/O dynamics, mating heats

animal abuse/death

anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/kidfic

formalized BDSM relationships

non-canon gender identities and/or sexual orientations except gay/bi/pan for requested ships/characters 

scat/watersports

unrequested alternative-universe scenarios such as high school/mundane/genderswap/coffee shop/etc (however, canon-divergent AUs completely fine!)

Supernatural

I'm a fairly new SPN fan so I am still in the phase of discovering all the joy (and pain and angst) this ship/fandom can bring me. So I have a LOT of requests, varying based on who is hurt & who needs comforting.

As far as general fandom/universe likes, I'm also a big fan of Bobby, Charlie, Sam, Gabriel and Balthazar - so feel free to include them in any form or fashion that might fit. I can go with either human or still-angel Cas as endgame if it applies. Similarly, either feel free to ignore the finale (everything 15.18-15.20) or give me plenty of angst "fixing" it/expanding on it so that it's not...such...ugh.

My only fandom-specific DNW is any suggestion/inclusion of Wincest.

Castiel/Dean Winchester (hurt Castiel)

Wingfic - injured wings 

Wingfic - Grooming Wings to Comfort Winged Character

I have a serious fixation on Cas's wings and any scenario where Dean can actually see/feel them. Dean tending to Cas's weakened/broken wings after the Angels' fall (or, earlier in canon if somehow injured). Maybe post-finale/rescue/etc his wings start to heal but he needs Dean to help groom them during the healing/regrowth process.

Sharing a bed with hurt character while mutually pining 

Being bathed while mutually pining 

Comforter drapes their coat over hurt character's shoulders 

Character A gently bathes hurt B (turns sexual) 

Guilt over past actions 

Cathartic Crying

Character A has been crying and tries to hide it but Character B still notices it

Character doesn't realize how badly they're hurt until they collapse

Character feels comforted by wearing loved one's clothes

Keeping Sick Characters Warm

Falling Asleep As A Sign Of Trust

I'd love human!Cas for these (Season 9, AU where Cas stays at the bunker? Or post-canon if coming back from The Empty meant giving up his grace.) He's struggling with adapting to his human condition/getting hurt, maybe just overwhelmed by human emotions and sensations? Dean is there to help, of course, and Things Happen. (With a side note that I love stories that don't forget that Cas is/was a bad-ass captain, leader and fighter among angels - so he's not and never should be a total woobie. But maybe that makes it harder for him to accept when he DOES need help and comforting because it's not something he's ever been used to needing - or receiving - in the past.)

Aftermath of Resurrection 

attempted self-sacrifice is thwarted by people who do not agree character is expendable 

Big Damn Rescue (with comfort)

A rescues B from the underworld or afterlife 

Fix-it - Character survives canonical death 

Recovering from traumatic resurrection 

Touch-Starved 

Touch-Starved Character gets their hair stroked & gets other kind gentle touches & cuddles

Character doesn't believe they deserve to be saved at such a cost; loved one disagrees 

Dreamworld featuring worst memories/fears

Resurrection - came back wrong

Rescue

These are all suggestions for any kind of fix-it to 15x18 and getting Cas back from The Empty. Just...go wild with the angst and h/c here. Maybe it's taken some time to get Cas back and he's not sure how to deal with being back. It's been so long that he's been isolated in his dreams/regrets/nightmares that he's starved for (Dean's) touch, but it's almost overwhelming to be near him again (or he's having a hard time telling reality from just another dream.) Or, for "Resurrection - came back wrong" - Cas is back but Dean senses something isn't right about him or the entire situation. What can he do to fix it, if anything?

Character overuses powers/magic/etc to protect a loved one 

Forced to watch other character's trauma 

Torture - Tortured While Loved Ones Were Forced To Watch

Pretty much what the tags say, nothing really to add but bring on the angst and comfort after the hurt!

Castiel/Dean Winchester (hurt Dean)

Character A hurts Character B accidentally during sex 

Losing Control Over Magic/Powers 

Character A doesn't know their own strength and hurts B by mistake

What it says on the tin, basically. Cas gets overwhelmed when having sex with Dean (or when triggered by something else, a perceived threat/danger) and accidentally injures him? Healing may take some time due to the severity (or limited powers in the aftermath), or Cas just feels extreme guilt over having hurt the one he loves so badly.

Pining character reveals their feelings while not quite lucid (hurt/drunk/etc.) 

Character(s) ashamed of their sexual desires 

Character A takes Character B on a road trip to avoid dealing with current bad situation

Boys being stupid with their feelings and not talking to each other, but a h/c scenario forces the truth to come out.

Aftermath of Resurrection 

Aftermath of torture that broke character 

Aftermath of Torture 

Past Torture

I need more angst/actual dealing with what it did to Dean to spend 40 years in Hell. This feels like it was so glossed over in canon compared to the fact that, truly, it means he spent more time in Hell than alive on Earth literally up until almost the time of his (finale) death. (I mean I get this is SPN and they all went through stuff, but, SERIOUSLY! Why did it seem like a year in Purgatory affected him more than so much time in Hell?) So any story with Cas (or Cas and other characters), trying to help him with that. Comforting him through nightmares or panic attack, getting him to finally talk about it (could even be post-finale canon-compliant, residual anger that his life was cut so short after all the torture he went through in Hell?)

Character A gets angry at Character B's tendency to self-sacrifice 

attempted self-sacrifice is thwarted by people who do not agree character is expendable 

attempted self-sacrifice 

Bedside Vigils 

Fix-it - Character survives canonical death 

Character resigned to their death survives; doesn't know how to cope 

Waking from coma or deep sleep and realizing the beloved caretaker is near

Any kind of fix-it to Dean's death by rebar; I can't get enough of them. Maybe Dean doesn't die in the finale, but he is severely wounded/in a coma. He's trapped in his (dream) visions of Heaven; can Cas help him come back? I could really use Cas (and other friends/family) trying to convince Dean he can actually have happiness for himself, too, that he doesn't have to keep laying down his life for everyone else.

Gentle acts of caretaking 

Gently coaxing out-of-it sick/hurt character back to bed

Character ordered to rest tries to work anyway 

Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Caring for hurt character by cooking for them or getting them their favourite food

Character cooks for sick/injured character(s)

Sick/hurt character falls asleep on comforter

Back rubs/hair stroking to help a character sleep

Sleepy Cuddles

Awkward Comforter

Watching Hurt Character Sleep

Wingfic - Using Wings to Hug Another Character

Just...any kind of sweet comfort fic where Cas gives Dean what he needs after an exhausting hunt or when not feeling well. Maybe when/if Cas is human so he no longer has his angelic healing powers to fall back on, so he tries to do whatever else he can to make Dean feel better? Even if it's bad cooking, awkward cuddles, misguided attempts at human “comfort” he doesn’t quite understand.

Crossover Fandom

Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) & Castiel (SPN) (hurt Castiel) Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) & Dean Winchester (SPN) (hurt Dean) Ezekiel Stone (Brimstone) & Dean Winchester (SPN) (hurt Ezekiel)

Aftermath of Torture 

Aftermath of Violence 

Character is beaten up and left for dead 

Talking about their traumas 

characters help each other cope with grief 

Character with high pain tolerance is in too much pain to hide it having to hide while injured 

poisoned wound 

Trapped Together During Gunfire/Fighting 

Character's been pulled to alternate dimension where everything's weird and they need an ally 

Character A comforts Character B about their shared misfortune 

Magical Ailment/Disease 

trapped in an isolated place together 

Road Trip - To Undo the Apocalypse 

Both Captured - Forced to Work Together to Escape 

A used to mistreatment from others unsure if B will help them

I'm fascinated by the idea of crossing over these two canons. Even if there's some conflict in their approach to Hell/Lucifer/demons, there's still a lot in common. Dean & Ezekiel having both put in their time in Hell and being demon Hunters, for instance, and their complicated relationships with (fallen) angels. I'd love to see them bonding over their experiences (Maybe they even meet in Hell? Time DOES work differently there...) Maybe somehow after Ezekiel completed his mission for the Devil, he did get his second chance at "life on Earth"...but the devil's trick is that it's not HIS Earth, it's in a different dimension (Supernatural's). I'm also curious how Ezekiel might respond to Castiel as an angel--perhaps he mistakes Cas for a demon at first, with his powers, but then they realize they are in fact hunting the same demon? Cas is stuck in an alternative dimension and recognizes Ezekiel as a similar soul to Dean's, and seeks out his help?

Basically I'd love some kind of casefic/demon hunt here, with the characters bonding over their shared/similar past traumas, taking care of each other when/if injured on a hunt, and/or perhaps helping them sort out their complicated feelings for another (ie, background Cas/Dean and/or Zeke/the Devil are TOTALLY welcome here, as I ship both of those ships.)

Law & Order: SVU

John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola (hurt Fin) John Munch/Odafin "Fin" Tutuola (hurt John)

Gentle acts of caretaking 

Comfort Food 

making comfort food for emotionally distressed character 

Caring for hurt character by cooking for them or getting them their favourite food 

Aftermath of Violence 

Emotional Hurt/Comfort 

Bedside Vigils 

Overworking Character ordered to rest tries to work anyway 

Character is Exhausted From Overwork 

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD 

Fights with family member - Helps them feel better in some shape or form 

Worrying over the safety of family members 

Trapped Together During Gunfire/Fighting 

trapped in an isolated place together 

Character A holds Character B as they fall asleep after bad day

Characters live together while one recovers from hurt 

Watching TV Together After a Stressful Mission/Quest

Caring for pet as self-care

Hangover

A presumed dead; B refuses to believe A died 

Presumed Dead

Munch/Fin is a forever OTP for me. I love any story that features some kind of gentle caretaking between them, small gestures of affection, love, and concern that say so much without the words that they may (still) struggle to speak. So my prompts for them are mostly of the soft and emotional kind of hurt/comfort revolving around their jobs and what they have to process involving that. Making sure a character gets enough rest/eats when pushing too hard to solve a case. Providing a shoulder to cry on/being someone to vent at when a case doesn't go their way/they can't save every victim. Not slowing down enough when injured/needing to recuperate because a case matters too much to them. Munch perhaps musing/worried about getting older and not being physically strong enough, any longer, to be able to protect Fin in the field (is that why he finally goes for the sergeant promotion, and/or eventually retires?)

Worrying about/dealing with a family member who might be in danger is another thing I'd love to see — Fin worried over Ken, Alejandro and their baby. Or perhaps Munch gets a call from his brother and there’s some kind of trouble with his family in Baltimore?

Anything along those lines (whether an episode expansion/missing scene or a completely original casefic) would leave me extremely happy. I'd also LOVE to read an angsty presumed dead fic, which has been so hard to find for this ship.

The Orville

Ed Mercer/Gordon Malloy (both hurt)

On the Run - Together 

Fight to Survive - Post-Apocalyptic 

trapped in an isolated place together 

Permanently Stranded on Another World/Planet 

stranded in hostile environment with injury 

stranded in space 

Trapped In Liminal Space 

Apocalypse - Survivors find comfort with each other 

Trapped with someone in need of medical care 

characters help each other cope with grief 

aftermath of near death experience 

desperate love confession after near-death experience

Casual/Unromantic Sex Leads to Unwanted Feelings 

Character Tries to Convince Themselves They're Fine With Casual Sex; They're Not

This very silly show still manages to give me a lot of deep feels, and I really love Ed and Gordon's friendship, the history that's clearly there between them. This is definitely a friends-to-lovers ship for me, or maybe a casual sex-relationship turned-more-serious.

I'd love a story set in the alternative universe/timeline we glimpsed in the second season finale, "The Road Not Taken"—where the Kaylons have destroyed life on earth and the remaining Orville crew members are trying to survive in a loose resistance. In that we saw Ed and Gordon on the run together, so that's what I would love to see more of. Their day-to-day survival, grief over what was lost, hiding out or trapped somewhere together knowing no one is out there who can rescue them.

Otherwise, any kind of mission gone wrong where they end up stranded in space/stuck on an alien world together with no way to get back to the ship/crew. How would they cope with losing everything they once had and knew?

Homicide: Life on the Street

Kay Howard/John Munch (hurt Kay) Kay Howard/John Munch (hurt John) Kay Howard/John Munch (both hurt)

Kay/John is another one of my longtime comfort OTPs; I just love them both so much and the fun contrast they present. Honestly H:LOTS is one of my all-time favorite television series, period, and I'm always happy to see more fic for it!

I don't have any specific fandom DNWs here, go wild, include any other/all characters from the canon universe who might fit. I basically love them all.

Trapped with someone in need of medical care 

Trapped Together During Gunfire/Fighting 

trapped in an isolated place together 

Love confession to/from sick/hurt character who is out of it 

Character A Confesses Feelings Because They Think Character B is Unconscious 

Humor as way of dealing with pain/trauma 

Driving with a mildly sick/injured character in the passenger seat 

Driving with a severely sick/injured character in the passenger seat

For these I'd love any kind of case-fic/action-type scenario where one or both of them is injured or in danger. The stress of the situation leads to a confession of or acting on feelings.

Emotional Hurt/Comfort 

characters help each other cope with grief 

Dealing w the loss of loved ones/friends/acquaintances/familiar faces as time marches on

aftermath of near death experience 

Aftermath of Violence 

Character who is clearly not fine insists they are fine

Survivor Guilt

I'm thinking of these as episode codas or episode-related scenarios. Mourning Al's death after the events in the HLOTS movie, perhaps. Or the aftermath of the events in Season 3 with the Gordon Pratt incident—Kay, Bolander and Felton all being gravely injured and John being the only one who was left standing. I'm always keen on exploring his feelings of helplessness and guilt there, with nearly losing Kay and the others. Also how Kay recovered and felt after coming so close to death.

Gentle acts of caretaking

Comfort Food

Caring for hurt character by cooking for them or getting them their favourite food 

Character cooks for sick/injured character(s) 

Hangover

Again, I love characters cooking for each other as a way of showing love and comfort. I tend to see Munch as someone who has a secret knack for being a good cook, so maybe he makes something special for Kay when she's sick/recovering from something and it reveals a side of John she never knew or saw before.

[thoughtfulpaperback]

Since the SPN fandom is going crazy, I just want to really talk about the show for a hot second in relation, not to ships, but in ranking the seasons.

My personal opinion will always be that the best seasons of SPN were 1-6, with six being the best. The reason I love six, aside from getting so much Cas-who became my favorite character almost immediately- was that I loved that general story of what happens now that we have "free will"(which i hated that later on the writers nulled this out with God still pulling the strings, but whatever) and especially in looking at what the state of heaven and the "downfall" of a former hero (Cas).

I hated season 7 as a whole but there were memorable moments and scenes which I did love.

8-9 i liked the theme of "forgiveness" and even trauma. I mean SPN is all about trauma, but really in these two seasons they did play a lot with forgiveness (what is forgivable and where to even begin to fix your mistakes). But I feel that they continued these themes through the later seasons and it makes 10-15 feel like they have been beating this same topic excessively in almost too similar manners.

Watching 10-12 felt like a chore after a while because of what was mentioned above, but again they have some great moments and enough well crafted episodes that I do enjoy.

I just barely caught up 13-whats currently out for 15. If I am honest of these last seasons, I really only think 14 is really good. Not at the OG 1-6 level good, but the best of everything after 6. Again I think most of the themes are repetitive, but I think the writing for many of the episodes this season were reminiscent of the same magic from season 6.

But I would love to know (if anyone who follows me watches SPN or enjoyed it in the past) what season was your favorite and why.

[scarlettablack]

There is a definite shift in quality and the type of story being told in SPN Seasons 6 and especially 7, and I used to always have trouble understanding why bc Sera Gamble had been an integral part of the story development, and had written some of my favorite SPN eps of all time (It’s a Terrible Life and Jus in Bello for starters), so why is her tenure as showrunner so... weird?

I think there’s a bit of a two-fold problem. Sera is first and foremost a strong B-plot, thematic writer. Her episodes usually dig into the emotional part of the series, and as a result her episodes tend to be Dean-centric. So, when she took over as showrunner, Dean got promoted to protagonist.

The problem is that Dean is the one who carries the emotional arcs through the series for the most part. So, Seasons 6 & 7 are essentially an excercise in trying to make a B plot into a C plot (or whatever the overarching myth arc is supposed to be). As a result, the episodes feel a lot more disjointed, because they’re being used as metaphors, and as a result it’s almost as if the myth arc is being told to service the episodic arcs, which are being told to service the emotional arc.

It makes for extremely good meta essays and character development (like the themes about “what is family, can you grow past the mistakes of your (chosen) kin, how do you justify hurting your family” and “how do you grieve a loved one especially one who betrayed you, who should you look to for support and guidance, etc” from S6 and S7 respectively), but is in general very hard to watch. Like hbomberguy says abt Pathologic, SPN S6 and S7 are more fun to talk about than to actually experience.

The second is that Season 7 doesnt really follow through on its themes. In order for the entire season (at least up to 7x17) to make any lick of sense, you have to approach it from a destiel perspective. There was a meta writer back in the day who really did outline how all of S7 really dives into Dean’s grief abt Cas, and many of the episodes have a funhouse mirror reflection of Dean and/or Cas and their relationship throughout. The main problem is that most of these parallels are explicitly romantic in nature (and none that I can think of take on the “fraternal” nature they often claim for Dean and Cas’ relationship), so the S7 story arc essentially wants to have its cake and eat it too. The reason S7 really falls apart at the seams is simply because the story is in the subtext that the writers swear up and down isnt there

(And another thing), with a few exceptions, none of the MOTW or VOTW (victims of the week) are very fun. Like, I dont care about them very much, and they don’t really make an impact on the Winchesters in any meaningful way, so they’re just... there to be there, really

[kynthosmojo]

Venting

HERE BE SPOILERS!! SPN S15 E2 - Raising Hell

(gif by @sasquatchandleatherjacket​, thank God for you. If you want me to remove this I will, but I honestly felt the way Sam looks right now)

Ep 2 - 

Additional chess pieces: Rowena, Ketch, Kevin, Chuck, Amara

New enemies: Jack the Ripper, New faceless female demon?!

Mysteriously missing out on the fun: Woman in White, Bloody Mary, Gacy Clown

Short Version: Leader Sam is not acting normal; Jack the Ripper was annoyingly cool; Civilians are infinitely stupid. Someone tells you it is dangerous to go somewhere and you go? You could ask the people keeping you safe to go get the shit you need for emergencies, but no. Useless Angel is again useless and getting more useless, also arguing with the heroes with no solution for his damn self.

---

So yeah, the first thing we get is a surprisingly creepy start, middle of the night, human disregarding the rules, get killed by what looks like a person she knows. Oh but wait, he was possessed. Very interesting ghost, psychotic, scary actually.

Angel being useless arguing with Sam instead of making himself useful. He is stronger than the humans, so shouldn't he be on patrol?? Even shouldn't he go looking for the missing ppl?

Oh Sam, How I wish you would have just snapped a little bit harder. Why not "When we say do not go in, you do not go in! Now someone's missing, isn't that a clue? Thank you for making our jobs that much harder! Now, if you need emergency items, we have ppl to help with that who know what they are doing. Stop trying to end up dead, and do as I say!"

Oh, the new HGIC is Jack The Ripper? Oh shit.

Oh great, stupid people not listening, yet again!

Oh so JTR has trouble getting attention too. Anyway, this mofo seems to be no joke.

Civilians stand there and breathe after you heard gunshots and growling, and see dead ppl, no don't run. Yah great.

Cass, argumentative as usual. What exactly do you expect Sam and his hunters to do since they are already busy? YOU go look for stupid humans who don't listen, just like yourself.

Ladies and gentlemen, it is time to play: Bobbing for guest stars! Rowena sweeps in and flirts with Cass. Ugh, why?

OK, SO 12:30 SECONDS INTO THE WHOLE 45 MIN SHOW AND WE FINALLY SEE SAM AND DEAN ON THE SAME SCREEN! Yah great.

Shoot them, my guys, I am pretty sure it will hurt less than what I am afraid will happen! YEP I. WAS. RIGHT!!!!!

And the brothers' scene together is over at 13:36 for commercial but resumes at 16:30 and goes through 19:00… so far. Total of about 5mins, 30secs. Anxiously waiting for more…

Guest Star # 2! Ketch is in the line-up!

OH! And a gun that shoots Iron Flakes. (in Bobby's voice)Used to be when you needed to get a ghost outta ya, you'd take a hit of rock salt. It would hurt like a bitch, but you'd live. And these two maybe wouldn't have gotten their guts ripped up waiting on Ketch's appearance with his new convenient toy!!!

Meanwhile, what a convenient way to bring up a new demon. Female named Ardat. GREAT…

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Why do they sound like an old married couple already? Oh yeah, because apparently, it is better to be hetero and incestuous than… NVM won't go there.

ANYWAY… 6th grader 'does so and so like me' bullshit from Rowena, I can only guess that is coming up on Ketch's side. Poor Dean. Then USELESS wants to try to start a convo Dean definitely doesn't wanna hear. And why is he trying to preach that all of this is supposed to happen like this anyway! That's life let's just move on?! Are you fucking serious?! Oh and that supposed inspirational, but actually desperate grab "We are" was so damn stupid. Like I keep saying, USELESS.

Oh and their screen time in case no one cares: 20:50 through 23:15. Total less than 2mins, 25 secs. And it was a painfully dry conversation I could well have done without.

Was so very right about the 6th grader bullshit! Oh great, instead of Salt hula hoops and gun bungees, we get loose ass chain links of iron around the neck that can fall off at any time! Tell me Mr. BMOL, how come you don’t have a convenient better-thing-than-an-iron-chain-link-necklace!!!!

Hello, 'nother guest star. It's Kevin Tran, everyone! Thanks for conveniently saving the moment again. And after the demon kid tells you multiple times that the wards are temporary, KEVIN tells you once that it is weakening and yay! It hits home. Don't get mad at the demon for not listening.

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Again. Little retreat? Priceless relationship? He wants to deepen what they have? Start a new species?! GURRL JUST SAY NO! Ohh but she figured him out, so now the trouble starts. He's low on power, he needs her help, he's scared.

Brother time! 34:10 through… hold on while I catch this, why is it always Sam to give away a secret? And why is Belphegor being a snoopy little sneak? Oh and suddenly he makes more sense than experience?! They cannot get Kevin to heaven cuz Chuck isn't their friend anymore? I am sure spells still work... 35:30…

OOH! Break for shoulder issue… and back to bros at 35:38-ish and back and forth for a few secs again because Chuck is freaking out. It is like the deity has never felt pain before. But that would mean he forgot when Amara punched him in his figurative balls last time huh? You 'member, when he almost DIED?

So Dean is worried again, but Sam refuses to even acknowledge it (kinda badass, kinda stubbornly stupid). OK, Bros done at about 35:58. Another generous minute and some. Geez.

Whoops, Kevin forgot that he could leave the way he came in. That was a mistake.

Oh, macgruder here we go with the only female on the team must help the men repopulate the earth or at the very least be raring to go because what? She's a newly free feminist with all the power over her cooch so the first thing she does is wanna give it up? Ketchwena? AWKWARD. Yah great.

Rowena had to take the long way thru the badlands to get the new weapon, also temporary, to the boys. It isn't tested, so instead of testing it out on the fucking ghost who would definitely deserve it who caught up to you before your destination, let's allow Ketch to play jealous new suitor and knight in shining armor! Oh and then he gets put in a vulnerable position! Yah great.

Segway back to… Why is it that because Rowena is the only female POA (piece of ass) on the team, she has to flirt with Cass, then Ketch, AND she has a history with Jack the Ripper? And yet, she treats Sam like he's a naughty kid she's babysitting, but ppl want to ship them two like the fucking Titanic!

Oh right back to Winchesters. Actually, the whole team is here now. Yah great.

ANYWAY… How TF and when did JTR get in Ketch between his stand-off with the Winchesters, trying to consume Kevin and the new untested weapon finally being TESTED! Only to find out it ain't as badass as the first one!!!!! Convenient. Yah great.

Don't think I forgot… The fucking force field spell thing is a one-off?! BOO newbie! So now it has a weak spot and everyone conveniently knows where it is.

So, did anyone else see the Ketch thing coming? Why TF did he need to have Rowena's back from so close? Yeah, I saw that flinch JTR! Why oh why did Dean shoot his load into the hundreds of ghosts when he had limited ammo and was apparently the ONLY one allowed to sneak in ammo?! Again, USELESS is in the background, useless. He can see a demon's true face, but can't tell when someone is possessed by a ghost?

So what if Dean wouldn't hesitate to shoot Ketch, couldn't one person, or useless fucking Angel bring the Iron Frosted Flake Gun? Oh but the Angel can heal, right? No?! Seriously WTF!!!! DO NOT MAKE EXCUSES FOR HIM ANYMORE SAM!

LITERALLY ALL OF THIS SHIT COULD HAVE BEEN PREVENTED!!!! I agree with conflict for building, enhancing, and developing the plot, but fucking really?!

EWWW Ketchwena again?! OK, but also, Ketch flirted with Dean more than the useless Angel supposedly did.

And WTF is this?! NOW we are gonna listen to a demon when he says Kevin cannot be returned to heaven? Before, no one could be bothered to trust Belphegor's uncanny wisdom. ARE THEY FUCKING FORGETTING THAT THE SAME SPELL THAT SENT BOBBY UP FROM HELL SHOULD WORK ON KEVIN? AND ISN’T IT MORE WORTH IT TO TRY THAN NOT?!!!!!!

Oh, but then let's let Kevin out a little hole in the electric fence and have it take long enough that no other ghosts happen to sneak thru. Oh, they are that scared of Belphegor? Really? So he should have been the one on patrol AT ALL TIMES!!!!

Chuck and Sissy sitting in a tree, A-R-G-U-I-N-G. Yet again! Geez, dude get a clue!

BECAUSE LOOK NOW! THERE ARE TONS OF GHOSTS STILL COMING FROM 'SOMEWHERE'! SHOULDN'T WE BE TRYING TO GET TO THAT SPOT AND SHUT THAT SPOT DOWN? MAYBE? AS A START?

WHAT THE FUCK DO I KNOW? I'VE ONLY BEEN WATCHING A SHOW THAT SHUTS DOWN HELLMOUTHS AS A HOBBY FOR FIFTEEN FUCKING YEARS!

[followedbyraven]

About 15 years ago, from the very first episode, I got hooked up on a new tv show, “Supernatural”. It was amasing! 

It was a kind of magic that: - grips you and doesn’t let go; - follows you and stays on your mind for hours; - walks side by side through the years, sometimes becoming your shadow, sometimes wandering so far away that what is left is only a glimpse on the horizon of life.

After being for many years a part of Buffy the Vampire Slayer fandom and finding some kind of uneasy closure when Angel: the Series concluded I thought I swore the fandom life for good. I was young and somewhat naive, and didn’t understand the simple truth: once you step into this river - you will keep coming for more. 

Initially following the road that the Winchester brothers took in the first three seasons I was what is called a general audience. Ok, a bit more, cause I’ve long ago lost count how many times I watched each and every episode of seasons 1-3 during just that period. 

It was indeed MAGIC! Then came hellatus between 3rd and 4th seasons and I have to be honest, my interest in SPN was by that time slowly slipping away. I was incredibly busy at work, living life on the road, barely at home, working sometimes 14-16 hours a day, and loving every single moment of that. It was hard but I treasure memories of those times, despite terribly missing my husband, and comfort of home, and loved ones. Also it was almost impossible to keep up with SPN airing schedule. Not to mention that it was already some kind of miracle that I was almost religiously following SPN for three years. I do follow other TV shows but don’t get so attached.  I love parings, OTPs, to write and read fanfiction, to admire the talent of fanart creators and ingeniousness of meta-writers... but it takes two to tango, in other words - I need an OTP to properly function in the fandom. I wasn’t into any of the brothers and was a strictly het!shipper; I used to write slash for friends as a gift or commission but wasn’t really interested in it. Plus I’m One Fandom at a time, one OTP at a time kind of shipper, I don’t multitask when it comes to fandom life.  So yeah, for SPN I was a general audience for 3 years until an ruffled angel broke through the barn doors, got knifed in the heart as some kinky way of thanks for the save from Hell, flashed Dean some shadow wings and... It was amazing and it was awesome, and it was magic. Again. Just like that day I’ve watched SPN 1x01 for the very first time. 

Jack is a baby of the family. I wasn’t sure about this character and was afraid that I wouldn’t like him. So much suspense was build around his first appearance, so much negativity. But I was worried for nothing. He is a sweetheart and a darling, great addition to the story and to the show, he can be soft, naive and uncertain, but also fierce and protective of people he sees as part of a family. I was a complete “feels, feels, so many feels” from the first episode he appeared in. I still have half of season 14 and the rest of season 15 to catch up, but so far I like what I see.  Sam. I like Sam a lot and he means a lot to me and to a relationship I have with my brother. I may not often mention him but I treasure this character and admire him. I look at him for understanding, when me and my little brother, who is a head taller than me by now, can’t find a common ground. Sam taught me when I need to take a step back from heated discussion, evaluate my bro’s side of the argument once more, just simply understand and admit the very fact that some things I will never get, not really, not fully, but if this is his, my little brother’s, thing, I have to respect that and give him a much needed space. In the end it is his business, and his life, and it is he who has to live it and to have a control over it. Dean. I can’t get enough of Dean and I respect him. I’m not attracted to him, never was, just not my type, i guess, but to me he is that dear friend that gets it. Just simply GETS IT! He is an older brother just like I’m an older sister. And through the years, through the moments when I’m again and again completely baffled by my bro’s attics and can’t come with an appropriate response, one thought always comes to my mind:  What would Dean do? So yeah, 15 years of “what would Dean do” and that character feels like one of my best friends and supporters. He gets it - the straggle between the instinct to protect and the need to let go, make own way, through mistakes and hardships. Ready to offer support but not choking my babybro with it.

Cas. I adore Castiel, simply adore him. He is my favourite after all. But what is more important, I get inspiration and that extra infusion of strength from this character. I got a gift of better understanding my brother from Sam, and a possible course of action, a kind of battle plan, from Dean, but Castiel helps me to be myself, to enjoy life even when all I want is to crumble and weep. From him I got: If he could do it, so can I.  This is something unique, what I couldn’t receive from another human being, real or imagined, because I also often feel like an alien being. I don’t have a mental illness but I did experience a trauma when I was but a small child. And this kind of guano never fully goes away, never truly leaves mind. I lack a deeper understanding of a lot of simple things that many people take for granted, there are days when it feels like I don’t have a strength in me to step over the threshold into the street (but I still do it every day), and I still often stumble through the words to make a simple purchase at the supermarket (even after 10 years of going to the same store), and I feel disconnected from the world at large. I’m uncomfortable in the crowd and I’m that awkward weirdo at the party sitting al alone in the corner. 

Don’t get me wrong, I live a normal and fulfilling live, you may meet me on the street, in the crowd, shopping, smiling and chatting with friends (smile on my lips and easy going attitude), driving car, stepping on the train, I may even live next to you or in the same city. And you’ll never guess that despite the fact that smile on my lips is real (I am happy to be in this world, be a part of it), there is pain in my shoulders because I can’t relax them, and I feel lightheaded, and the world is slightly spinning and blurry from an effort to simply do what comes so natural to a lot of others - just walk on the street, just live my life, just be in this world. 

Many years ago I gave myself a promise: to get up everyday with a smile. No matter what, I always start my day with a smile. It’s a first thing I do when I open my eyes. Over the time it became a second nature. That little extra drop of good mood before morning tea comes automatically through no effort at all. During the day that small infusion of happiness may grow into a true joy or it may slowly fade away. And it’s that second scenario when I remember that if an alien being could do it - find inner strength to go on through high and low, to navigate the strange world of human beings... Well, I am human and simply because of my own nature, from the get go, I already have it much easier than him, this fictional character which slowly managed to mean so much to me.

Overshare much? Maybe. Actually, for sure.  My apologies to all who is not comfortable with such kind of openness.  I don’t feel that it is a right time and I am in the right mood to talk about my OTP, so I will leave it for another time when I have an urge to explode into a massive firework of feels and words. 

But this is my tribute to Supernatural and to all people who brought these amazing, wonderful, beloved characters to life, gave them shape and form: the cast, the crew, the team of writers, everyone involved on every step of the road.  15 years, people! This is a big slice of my life, of anyone’s life. This is my thanks, and my love, and my gratitude. I’ve never been to convention, never met anyone of them and most likely never will, but I needed to give form to what I feel. Am I sad that SPN is almost over? Sure, I will cry a river when the final episode arrives! But I understand that everything eventually comes to an end. It was a beautiful run but I respect their decision and stand by it. And I already know what I want for Christmas or as a birthday gift when a full 15 (or is it 16 now with such a long corona-hiatus between already aired and still in production episodes?) season boxset hits the stores (Blue-Ray, pretty please, with as much extras and bonus materials as possible)

P.S. But you know whom I also want to thank and hug, and shower with love? All my fandom mates, known to me and total strangers, all those incredibly talented, wonderful, amazing people who write fanfiction, create art, express their love for the show through any possible creative outlet. No matter the stan, no matter the ship, over the years I’ve met truly great, kind, friendly and positive people in every wing of the fandom. YOU ARE AWESOME!