#my schedule for today is just suffer until 2 pm i guess
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frecht · 11 months ago
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do you think ive studied enough <- most certainly has not studied enough
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sanskari-kanya · 4 months ago
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Guess who got 30/30 on her finals’ viva 😭💃
It was the biggest adventure of my goddamn life.
The viva was scheduled at 3 pm today so I was pretty chill. I was like okay I’ll do the hardest ones till late night, grab some good sleep and wake up a little early to revise the rest.
But my university sent a mail at 10:30 pm, saying ✨surprise motherfuckers, the time is changed to 9:30 am, all the best insufferable freshers✨
Post this mail, I had made peace in accepting that I aint gonna get any sleep tonight and I had to revise 4 subjects till 8 am (minus 30 minutes to get my boogie ass ready because I will never enter the uni looking like crap and 30 more minutes to reach the university)
I started studying around 12 am because all we did was cuss the fuck out of the university and exam managers for a bloody 1.5 hours.
Considering my attention span, my study session lasted for approximately 15 minutes before I opened Pinterest and keep scrolling mindlessly until it was suddenly 2 am 🤩. Then I went for a mindless walk around the hostel, disturbed my bf for a good 15 minutes, and realised he wasn’t giving me any attention because he actually studies and uski fati padi thi so I came back in my room and re-started studying. It continued till 5 am (paired with stress eating, gossiping, watching a documentary)
THEN, I ACCIDENTALLY FELL ASLEEP AT 5 AM AND WOKE UP AT 8 AM!?!? I had to leave at 9 am so there was no bloody chance of revising Histology and Radiology that I very confidently left for the morning 🤗 I left the house at 9 and kept a ppt of histological slides open on my phone so I could at least revise SOMETHING.
If this drama was not enough, here is more :
Me and my friend had decided to pair up for the viva but some dude mishandled the list and jumbled the numbers and I had to beg my classmate to go with a random dude so me and bestie could go tgt.
As I was about to enter the viva room, a physical fight broke pit between two students and my examiner walked out to stop the fight and never returned.
I confidently wrong answered a sub question and made the doctor believe that I was right cus I answered everything else too. 10 in Anatomy ✅
Manually picked the harder examiner for Histology because bestie shat in anatomy so I wanted her to score in Histology with the easier examiner. My reactions to the first two questions- ✨ma’am I don’t know✨ and she was glaring me so bad I cannot explain y’all but then by god’s grace, she asked me more questions (redemption arc) that I answered but she gave me 7.5 so I was like okay, I did shit in the beginning so-
Next was physiology and if y’all weren’t aware of my bad reputation with the professor (George), well now you are 🤗 But then I again had a choice to choose my examiner and I chose my favourite teacher from last semester and George was like ✨why are you not sitting with me huh✨ in the most sarcastic tone ever like i would ever voluntarily chose you , kind sir.
End result, I scored full in physiology too which just proves that my physiology wasn’t a problem, George was the problem!
Last was Radiology. I was scared for my life since I slept and didn’t revise radiology AT ALL. But the examiner was impressed by my marks and gave me 2.5 🙂‍↕️
Now if that still wasn’t enough adventure for you, let me introduce you to my bad math skills. 7.5 in Histology + 2.5 in radiology makes 10 which meant I had scored 30/30 but my dumbass forgot math and thought I scored only 27.5 and went out a little sad.
Then a senior dude asked me how was it and I was like ‘Accha tha bas muje ek baat bata histology ke liye maximum kitna hota hai?’ And he was 7.5 and then it hit me ‘Oh bhaiii fir toh muje full mile hai’ 😭😭😭
I’m never forgetting this day. I narrated this entire thing to my mom twice, once to bf, a 30 min voice note to @hum-suffer and now on tumblr.
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sanderssideswriting · 3 years ago
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ship: prinxiety, background intrulogical
genre: fluff
warnings: swearing, like one sexual innuendo, very breif mention of murder (as a joke, this is fluff after all) 
summary: Radio AU where Virgil runs the 11-1 am radio on his college and every night someone calls to complain about his music selections and request disney, and Virgil never plays disney.
Virgil sat in his swivel chair and put on the headphones “sup bitches I’m back and this time with like three monsters because finals are a bitch and sleep can suck my dick. The first song of the night is Lotta True Crime by Peneople Scott. Why? Because I say it is that’s why.” Virgil put the song on and worked on his final project as the songs played.
The phone rang and Virgil groaned and checked the number. This dick again. He picked up and put it on air since people seemed to love listening to him and disney guy argue. 
“listen asshole if you want to listen to Disney so fucking badly then apply for a spot and stop calling me.”
there’s a laugh “how about you just play some disney then? if you do I’ll stop calling. Because your music taste sucks.”
Virgil rolls his eyes “bitch apply for an opening and have a disney hour. And let me listen to my music, because not everyone loves fucking disney.” 
“Well many people do so why not play one song.”
Virgil snorts “first no, and second if I had to I’d make everyone regret it and play let it go.”
“Let it go is great!”
“bye bye Princey, stop calling”
Virgil hung up “and since Princey called you know what we’re playing? MCR because I know he hates it. So this one’s for you princey, up next after this ad because this place needs money. By the way if you’re not a broke bitch donate because this job is like kinda decent and I like making you all listen to the music I like. Blood by MCR is up next” Virgil played the ad and leaned back in his chair.
“Why do you take his calls if you know he’ll just be annoying?” Janus asks in class.
Virgil shrugs “since it started I get more listeners which is good for the station.”
“I think it’s funny, cause you two have cute pet names for each other, princey and emo nightmare” Remus says.
Virgil elbows him “they’re not pet names.”
“they are,” Janus says, moving so Virgil couldn’t elbow him.
Roman waits to dial the number, he had to admit he sort of enjoyed his and emo nightmare’s conversations, who refused to reveal his name or grade.
At first they’d been annoying and he’d genuinely complained about all the emo music and asking to play disney but it’d soon become a nightly ritual, that had very quickly ruined Roman’s sleep schedule.
He dialed the number “seriously, why all the emo music, emo nightmare?”
“you just answered your own question princey, why the obsession with disney songs princey? See? Sounds fucking stupid.”
Roman sighs dramatically “you wound me emo nightmare. But seriously what’ll it take to get you to play ONE disney song?”
“a hundred grand, that’s how much the station needs to keep running, do that and I’ll play ONE disney song.”
“four.”
“Three songs and a hundred and fifty grand, fifty grand per song. final offer. and I get to pick the songs.’
Roman nods “deal,”
“oh and, you have until the end of finals to get the money donated, and I’ll make the gofundme, not you.”
That’s like a month and a half away Roman thinks I’ll have enough time. “sure thing emo nightmare.”
Roman’s emo hung up. He smiles like an idiot.
“Why not ask him out? it’s clear you’re fond of him” Roman’s roommate Logan says from his side of the room.
“ask out a guy I don’t even know the name of? yeah sure” Roman snorts.
“what? Scared you’ll be rejected? I cannot believe I’m saying this, but Roman I am getting more dick then you have been ever since you started talking to your radio boy.” Logan says in an even tone.
Roman pretends to gag “you don’t need to tell me how much you and my brother have done it Logan, you two being together is enough for me to want to bleach my eyes.”
“you’re no better whenever you’re going out with someone, or even hooked up with a slightly above average guy.”
Remus barged in “Loooo I need help studying.”
Roman stood up “that’s my queue to leave.”
Remus watches Roman go “so what where you two talking about?”
“oh you know, he’s still calling the campus radio station to ask for disney songs” Logan says.
“Wait, Roman is Princey?” Remus asks, he starts laughing
“Yes? You didn’t know?”
Remus cackles “no! oh this is great! My best friend Virgil does the 11 to 1 radio, he’s Emo Nightmare and Roman is his Princey”
“We could set them up, Roam is so lovesick, I swear he’s head over heels for him and he hasn’t even met Virgil” Logan says.
Remus gasps “this is why I love you! Of course we’re going to set them up.”
Logan and Remus came up with a plan, they’d invite Roman and Virgil to a study session and then never showed up, leaving Virgil and Roman to wait.
Virgil puts on his headphones and starts loudly playing panic at the disco and reading over his shitty notes.
Someone taps him on the shoulder “hey can you turn the emo shit down, I’m trying to study and it’s really loud.”
Virgil turns it down a bit “that good?”
he nods “yeah, where you also ghosted for a study session?”
“Yeah I was, my best friend and his nerdy boyfriend where supposed to help me study, they probably forgot all about me.” Virgil says.
“Logan And Remus? Remus is my brother and Logan’s my roommate” Roman says.
“Yeah, well since we’re both here we could study together if you want” please say no please say no.
“Sounds good!” Roman says.
Fuck.
Virgil and Roman studied for awhile and Virgil very slowly started warming up to Roman. “ah shit I have to go, see you round I guess” Virgil says packing up his stuff, he wanted to have some alone time before his shift.
“ok Bye Virgil,” Roman says packing up, he had to go do his own thing, which would probably end up becoming a quick nap before his emo nightmare started his turn being the radio host.
Virgil sat in the chair “what up bitches, so far the goal has 10k, so no disney tonight, or ever because this is on a time crunch and 150k is a fuck ton of money for broke college students. And now onto Fuck you by Lily Allen. Why? Because she’s underrated and because I said so.” Virgil played the song.
Virgil got the call around 12:30 “you’re calling later then usual princey, and no, no disney tonight.”
“Oh I was just about to ask. And also I was asking how to find the gofundme.”
“It’s on the UCLA radio website, can’t miss it. Now let me do my fucking job” Virgil hung up and played MCR as was tradition.
What he didn’t know was Roman recorded the phone call and posted it everywhere he could anonymously and waited.
Virgil checked the go fund me in the morning “it has fifty k already?! What the fuck? Princey what did you do?”
Virgil waited for the nightly call “Hey what the fuck how is the goal at sixty k? How the fuck princey?”
He laughed “I asked the internet for help, I think most of it’s from tiktok, you’re going to have to play disney emo nightmare”
“fuck you princey and your stupid obsession with disney.”
“you have an obsession with my chemical romance and Brendon Urie”
“name three other artists I play on here then bitch.”
“Mother Mother, Lily Allen and as of late Derivakat” Roman says without hesitation.
Virgil was speechless for a second, then hung up. “fucking bitch, you guys know what time it is” he played Teenagers.
A week and a half passed and the funds had slowly been going up, and Virgil and Roman’s calls continued nightly as usual.
Virgil and Roman met up a few times to study for finals, sometimes with Remus and Logan, sometimes without.
the goal just barely missed the end of finals. Virgil smirked “No disney today, or ever because you people missed the goal byyyyy” Virgil checked the go fund me “three thousand dollars. I’d say better luck next time but there won’t be a next time.” he chuckled. The phone rang and Virgil picked up, knowing it was Princey.
“oooh too late princey no disney songs during my shift.”
“you might want to check the gofundme one last time my dear emo nightmare.”
Virgil refreshes the page “first of all, I’m not yours bitch second- what the fuck, how?” the goal had been met.
Roman laughs “play the disney emo. Play. The fucking. Disney.”
Virgil could tell he was gonna gloat so he hung up.
Virgil grumbles and gets the disney queued “ok fine the goal was met, so time for my suffering, I have queued Fixer Upper from Frozen because it’s a shitty song with a shitty message. Make a man out of you because I like Mulan and for everyone’s inconvenience I have How Far I’ll Go so have fun with that stuck in your head.”
Roman was a bit insulted when Emo nightmare hung up on him, so he called him back once the songs had ended “wasn’t so hard was it?”
“for you maybe, it was for me,” Virgil hung up and blocked the number.
Over the Summer both Virgil and Roman found themselves missing their talks. Roman so much so he applied for one of the newly opened spots for the next semester from 2-5 pm.
Virgil drove onto campus at 4, putting on campus radio and was met with disney. the song ended and the new host spoke “and I hope everyone liked that, up now is a short commercial break.”
Virgil nearly swerved off the road and pulled over and called the station.
Roman picked up. “Hey what the actual FUCK?” Virgil says as soon as he does.
Roman laughs “oh how the tables have turned Emo Nightmare”
“I hate you, I fucking hate you what the actual fuck princey”
he laughed more “You yourself said that working here is nice, and there was an opening, so I took it. You should be happy, I mean now I won’t brother you about playing disney.”
Virgil frowned “yeah yeah, whatever princey have fun with that.”
“oh I will emo nightmare, I absolutely will.” Roman hung up feeling happy in a way he hadn’t felt all summer.
Virgil unpacked his stuff in his new dorm, he was a little pissed but also excited. Maybe he and princey would finally meet face to face. Why am I excited about that? I hate him, at the least he annoyed me every day for months, but he did raise a bunch of money. Even if his disney obessed ass is super annoying.
Roman walked in at 6 “hey Virgil, I’m guessing you’re going to be my roommate?”
Virgil looked up from his laptop “I guess, don’t take my monsters from the fridge and we’ll be golden, or blast disney 24/7″
Roman chuckled “what do you have against disney?”
“Micky Mouse killed my parents in front of me after I said that Merida was my favorite princess.” Virgil said dryly.
Roman chuckled “that’s why I dedicated my life to the mouse.”
“That’s why I swore to get my revenge on the mouse.”
“I won’t blast disney 24/7 but you can’t blast your emo music.” Roman says
Virgil snorted “dude I have the worst anxiety I don’t even own a speaker. so you don’t blast your music, I won’t blast mine and we’ll be fine.”
“Deal,”
Roman called that night like always and Virgil was ready “aww Princey, did you miss me that much?”
“not really, but I’m still trying to get you to willingly play a disney song.”
Virgil rolled his eyes “you know what, it’s a new year, time for a new leaf, I’ll humor you princey and play a disney song.”
“wait really?”
Virgil queued up Mad At Disney “no.” he hung up and the song started.
Virgil and Roman went back to their usual routine of lowkey flirting with each other during Virgil’s shift, and sometimes during Roman’s.
They where getting along well as roomates but hadn’t figured out that they where each other’s Princey and emo nightmare.
Somehow he and Princey had gotten into an argument about if Cruella would be a good or bad movie. Roman had hope it would be, Virgil wasn’t so convinced.
“Princey, she is a completely evil character, she can’t be redeemable, she shouldn’t be. She wanted to make puppies into a coat, that’s fucked up. There’s no black and white she’s bad and that’s that.”
“Maybe if you gave the movie a chance!”
“fuck no! did you not hear what I just fucking said?”
“then how about we see it then we can see who’s right?”
“fine, I’m free at three this Satuday.” Virgil said, way too caught up in the moment.
“same, see you then emo nightmare, I’ll be by the doors waiting.”
“fine, but I’m going to be right.”
“then it’s a date!”
“I guess it is!” Virgil hung up.
he didn’t realize he’d said yes to going out on a date with a guy he didn’t even know until the next day.
The whole campus was freaking out about it since the station had blown up quite a bit because of Virgil and Roman’s nightly arguments. 
Roman left early, he’d dressed up a bit, and had a disney shirt with a little crown logo on it, it wasn’t that obvious but he figured it’d be telling enough.
Virgil put on a bit more eyeliner then usual and fishnets under his ripped jeans but that was about it, he chose to be petty and waited until about 3:20 to go to the doors where Roman wait waiting.
Virgil walked passed him at first. Roman saw him “emo nightmare?”
Virgil stopped “are you fucking kidding me?” he got a few glares from parents. “You’re princey? my fucking roommate?”
“I did not plan that, but yeah I am, and you’re my emo nightmare.”
Virgil rolled his eyes “still not yours princey, come on the movies about to start.”
They exited the movie and Virgil grinned “I fucking told you it’d be bad, I told you!”
“yeah yeah, you did it was bad. Want to get some coffee?”
“sure, I’ll pay,” Virgil said casually.
Roman grinned “I’ll win you over one day my emo nightmare.”
“stop begging me to play disney music and maybe you will.”
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leemaht · 4 years ago
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can i rq a break up au w/ futakuchi and 36 56 62 feelin angsty lately 😳😳
your wish is my command! i definitely didn't cry writing this, haha. wouldn't do that.
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the last chance you had
prompts: ‘you know that i love you, right? right?’; ‘stay away from me! i don’t want to see you!’; ‘i know what i said and i know i can’t take it back but i want you to know that i didn’t mean it.’
warnings: angst, toxic relationship, mention of sexual harassment/rape, swearing, mentally abusive
pairing: futakuchi kenji x reader
summary: this is a sad little story about futakuchi kenji, who doesn’t know how to express love and care until it is too late. or rather does not realize how much of a jerk he is until it is too late.
notes: this is a goddamn whole lot more dark and angsty than i intended, so enjoy with caution
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thursday. a normal day for futakuchi kenji, or so he thought.
wrong he was. it was the day he would lose the one and only love of his life. the person he thought he would spend the rest of his life with. the person he had imagined to marry and start a family with. you.
it was the day you finally gathered enough sadness, lonesomeness and unhappiness for the barrel to run over. it wasn’t like you didn’t love him. your love was never the issue. there were several reasons leading you to this breaking point.
1. futakuchi kenji made you believe he didn’t care about you.
he forgot important events easily. he forgot about your first anniversary and even after you reminded and presented him your thoughtful gift you had spent so much time and money on, he shrugged it off and told you it wasn’t a big deal.
he forgot about your birthday, he didn’t even congratulate you like every other of your friends did. all his teammates knew about your birthday and remembered him, most of them had congratulated you themselves. but your boyfriend decided to text you the word ‘congrats’ at 11 pm.
and it was true. futakuchi didn’t care about all this ‘minor stuff’, all he cared for was you so he thought that was enough. but you didn’t get that idea. for you it was just hurtful.
2. futakuchi kenji made you feel alone.
he forgot about you in general, you thought. it happened more than once that you were scheduling a date and he left you hanging. it happened more than once that he left you waiting for hours, alone at a shady location without answering one of your many calls and text messages, sometimes even in the rain and wind. one time at school he had asked you to come to the park this evening and even though it was a normal week day, you had agreed. you arrived at 8 pm as settled, waiting on a park bench for your boyfriends arrival, but he never came.
after about two hours a text message from him came in.
‘do you want me to come over now?’ it said, as if he didn’t even know what he had done.
‘leave me alone.’ you texted back hoping to animate him to ask you what was the matter but he left you on read.
you made your way home, locked the door and cried the whole night after being cat called at least 7 times on your way back in the dark night. futakuchi didn’t write you for the next few days, making you feel even more abandoned then before. he took your ‘leave me alone’ literally and intended to give you room to breathe because he honestly forgot about his request of meeting you. he assumed you had a private problem and didn’t want to barge in. after becoming the new captain of the team his life got a lot more busy, so he forgot about the little things. he was a very forgetful person to begin with but it got worse since then.
3. futakuchi kenji made you feel ashamed.
he couldn’t keep secrets. there you were entrusting him with some of the most important secrets of your life and the told them to others without a second thought and with a smile on his face.
the time you got a bad mark on one of your tests you had learned for so long. you asked him not to mention it to your parents when he would visit you this afternoon, because you wanted to tell them yourself. and he agreed. only five minutes later he bragged to your parents how his mark was so much better than yours, to which your parents sent him home and gave you a lecture about why you would keep secrets from them.
when you texted him about this he thought it was funny how you got so angry at minor inconveniences and made fun of you. he intended this to be his apology and brighten up your mood but when you didn’t text him back he let you be.
the time one of your grandparents died and you asked him not to tell anybody, because you only wanted your friends to know. this day you came too late to class but when you entered everybody, including the teacher gave you a pitying look. that’s when you knew he had told all of your classmates even though you told him not to. you cried silent tears of disappointment but everybody assumed they were because of sadness and tried to comfort you. you hated this kind of pity and attention and left, crying even more than before.
but futakuchi didn’t follow you but left you space. he was the kind of guy who thought space and silence could fix everything.
the time you did something embarrassing and asked him not to tell anybody but when you went to the gym to give him his bag he had forgotten in the classroom you clearly heard him tell his whole team the story. you dropped the bag so loud it made him look at you, turned around and ran away crying. he didn’t follow you though. you know, ‘space’. you earned a lot of empathy of aone and the rest though as they realized you suffered as much from futakuchi as they did. maybe even worse.
4. futakuchi kenji made you feel unimportant.
he always put you in fourth place. his first place was volleyball, his second place was his family, his third place was his school work and in fourth and last place was you.
he cancelled important meetings with you for stuff like ‘my mom wanted me to buy flour. she said it was alright if i did it tomorrow, but i want to do it now.’ he ditched you for lunch because he rather ate and discussed with his teammates. the cancelled dates because he met up with his teammates. when you asked to study together for a test, he refused because you only ‘slowed him down’.
5. futakuchi kenji made you feel unloved.
all this facts put together and also even though you were dating for over one and a half year now and you had said it so many times, he had never before told you that he loved you, made you feel this way.
the first time you said it was 7 months into the relationship. he answered with ‘thank you.’ you assumed it was too soon for him and left it, but the more you said it the more he dodged.
‘i love you’ ‘right.’ or ‘ok’ or ‘i know’
you honestly couldn’t remember a single week in the last 6 month in which you didn’t at least cry 3 times because of him.
thursday
one day after the worst day of your life. you had talked things out though, for now at least.
after all the fights and break downs you had,you decided to give your boyfriend one last chance and promised yourself, if he blew this up you would end all this suffering and break up. you wanted to be happy again, something you hadn’t been for a while or at least not with futakuchi.
you wore your most cheery smile and pick him up after practice, but events took a bad turn.
after practice had ended you greeted your boyfriend with a big smile and sweet words, which he didn’t return of course. he just nodded in your direction and gave you a quick peck and disappeared in the changing rooms. koganegawa was the first one to leave the changing room. he was also the one bringing doom.
as he walked past you you attempted to greet him as usual, but he wasn’t as cheery as you were used to. rather he looked at you a little suspicious. after asking him what was the matter he answered.
‘captain was in a bad mood today.’ he said gloomily
‘hm, why was that? he seemed normal to me.’
‘well, he said something about you screaming at him yesterday for no reason.’  by this time more people had left the changing room and stood by you.
‘that’s what he said? ‘for no reason’?’ kogane nodded. you looked down on the ground with a defeated smile as the tears started flowing. kogane tried to comfort you clueless and aone patted your back slowly as he guessed what was happening.
after about two minutes futakuchi stepped out of the changing room last, locked after him and walked towards your crying form.
‘hey what you crying about?’ he rather stated then asked, without the slightest hint of worry or empathy.
you clenched your fists at his reaction. ‘did you tell everyone i screamed at you for no reason yesterday?’ you asked though gritted teeth. kogane and aone were still standing behind you as a kind of moral support as both of them... all of them knew how futakuchi was.
‘huh, that’s what all this is about?’ he stated unimpressed. ‘yes, i did.’
‘do you seriously believe that?’ your anger grew more and more but you referred from shouting.
‘yeah.’ you only nodded absently. ‘then tell me the reason.’
‘are you telling me you forgot about all i said yesterday?’ he averted your gaze.
‘kogane.’ you spoke up. ‘did he tell you guys that the day before yesterday was our one and a half years anniversary?’
‘no’ he answered.
‘interesting. did he tell you that he forgot about it until i reminded him?’
‘no’ he answered again.
‘alright, did he tell you that he asked me to come out to the park yesterday, when it was already dark outside? and that he texted me again and again that he would be there in 5 minutes but never actually showed up and made me wait for 3 hours in the darkness and cold?’
‘no..’ kogane was shocked, so was the rest. but the story didn’t end there.
‘did he tell you guys, that on my way home two weird guys followed me, so i had to run? the funny thing is they also started running after me.’ you stated in sarcasm hiding your fear. ’did he tell you that they followed me until i was home and that they even knocked on my door, so that i had to wake up my parents? did he tell you that they actually broke a window trying to get in, so that we had to call the police who told us that those two guys were convicted criminals?’ by the time you reached this point of the story you were in tears. the whole team looked as if they were ready to throw punches at futakuchi. some of them hugged you or offered comforting words. they already did way more for you than futakuchi ever did in your whole 1 1/2 years.
‘did he tell you that when i told him, he made fun of me and said i shouldn’t act like such a pussy?’ you ended your story. truth is futakuchi had gone crazy after you told him all of that. he wanted to prank you by cancelling the date but would have never thought that this would take such dangerous turns. he hadn’t slept for a minute that night and paced around his house aimlessly. but he didn’t want you to know that and tried invalidate the situation a little bit. after you hadn’t answered anymore he assumed you had gone to bed already. aone grabbed futakuchi by the collar.
while the scene unfolded itself you spoke up.
‘futakuchi. i’m done. i can’t take all of this any longer. the worst part of this is that this wasn’t even the worst thing you ever did. but i can’t or don’t want to accept this any more.’
‘w-wait. what are you saying.’ he stuttered still in the grasp of aone.
‘i’m saying that this is over. i’m breaking up.’ with this you turned around and walked away, leaving the rest of the team in awe. aone let go of futakuchi and paced after you, offering to walk you home.
futakuchi screamed your name and tried to losen the grip of kamasaki who took aone’s spot to run after you but you screamed back.
‘stay away from me! i don’t want to see you! never again.’ as your tears started flooding again. aone put a protecting arm around you as you two walked out of reach.
friday
this day futakuchi arrived at school with a black eye. [kamasaki lost his temper] and you ignored him all day. but this afternoon there was a knock on your door.
it was him.
‘y/n, please open up. we need to talk.’ he sounded desperate. you opened it a slit. ‘i have talked so many times,i’m done with it.’ you wanted to close the door again but he put a hand against it.
‘you know that i love you, right? right?’ he was now in tears.
‘you sure didn’t act like it.’ you deadpanned hoping to overtone the emptiness and sadness you were feeling inside. futakuchi broke, not knowing what you meant. in his eyes he had tried his best in showing you his feelings and knowing that you didn’t think the same made him furious. but before he could even say another word, you already closed the door and left him, like he did so many times. he reflected.
reflected on his behavior just now and yesterday and always and knew he had fucked up.
you received one last text message from him this day, saying:
‘ i know what i said and i know i can’t take it back but i want you to know that i didn’t mean it. and what i did. i know i am a horrible person. please. please, tell me you forgive me.’
you texted back:
‘i was breaking because of you. i have endured all of this long enough and yesterday i decided to give you one last chance and you blew it up. i think i deserve to be happy, but i cannot with you. i can’t forgive you for all the things you did to me. you made me a broken mess. also, if you hadn’t meant it you wouldn’t have said it in the first place.’
you pressed ‘send’ and waited for the signal that he had read it. when you saw that he started typing, you blocked his number and put your phone down.
this night you didn’t cry because of him, but because you knew everything would be alright from now.
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danganronpa-ea · 4 years ago
Text
DR: EA2 Chapter 2 part 5
To Read the Prologue click here;
Prologue: part 1 | part 2
Chapter 1 Daily Life: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
Chapter 1 Deadly Life: Investigation | CT part 1 |  CT part 2 | CT part 3
Chapter 2 Daily Life: part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4
Chapter 2 Deadly Life: Investigation | CT part 1 | CT part 2 | CT part 3
Chapter 3 Daily Life: part 1 | part 2 | part 3
Chapter 3 Deadly Life: Investigation | CT part 1 | CT part 2
Chapter 4 Daily Life: part 1 | part 2
Chapter 4 Deadly Life: Investigation | CT part 1 | CT part 2
Chapter 5 Daily Life: part 1 | part 2 | part 3
Chapter 5 Deadly Life: Investigation | CT part 1 | CT part 2 | CT part 3
Chapter 6 Deadly Life/Epilogue: Investigation | CT | Epilogue
Anyway, all credit goes to respective owners.
Chapter 2: The Beauty of Survive – Daily Life part 5
 The next morning, I had woken up, I just remember that today is the day that Masa-san can now leave the hospital today so meaning she’ll be meeting all our class… or well, most of them.
 It has been a few days since Chikao-san and Tomohiro-san had left; one by death and another by force to leave which I’m not even sure if the latter is alive. I… can’t help but feel some sense of guilt for it or maybe it was the right choice but I sigh.
 Why… am I thinking this? I mean, I guess I’m allow to grieve but I think if Katou-san, who was the most affected can try and live on Tomohiro-san then so should I… right?
 As then I got up, getting myself dress for the day as I began to head downstairs which I notice that Kimura-san was outside which I walk over. “Morning,” I greeted the singer which she smiled as seeing me come out of my room. “Oh, morning Fuji-chan! I was actually waiting for you to get up but seems Esumi-chan is in the dining room so you better come down!” She stated as taking her leave.
 Seems everyone is excited to meet Masa-san which then I made my way downstairs which I did notice that Norman-san, Nakahara-san and Katou-san together. “Huh? You got it set up…?” Katou-san asked, curious which Nakahara-san seem excited. “Yep! Now the hot tub is prepared to use for the party which we can try it out if we want to!” He stated as he had his fist pumped which then Katou-san seem excited. “Then I’ll tell the others about this! Finally a place for wash the sorrows away~.” He spoke as dashing off to the dining room which then Norman-san smiled to himself.
 “Y’know – I think after all the hard work we should invite the guys, right?” He stated with some form of evil intent but then Nakahara-san seem confused. “Really? Well I guess we should try it out to energized us but… I get a strange feeling you have some other intent.” He stated as the ringmaster clearly was offended. “What makes you assume this?! I mean, I don’t wish to do anything evil or compare myself to the rest of you or anything – that is not my intent so anyways, let’s get the guys together!” He stated as leaving which Nakahara-san seem confused.
 “You… still confuse the man born from thunders…”
 Was Nakahara-san’s last comment before leaving which I continue walk downstairs. “Huh? Seems the guys are going to use the hot tub to test it out… I mean, I guess it does make sense to do that, right?” “So… that means Jobon-kun will be there~.” I jolted back as I notice Mori-san and Ohta-san appearing behind me. “Seems like it, but yet again… that isn’t any of our business, correct?” She asked which then Mori-san seem excited.
 “No, if anything – we can spy on them; but I can’t do it alone…” She began to set up a plan of sorts but still… a women’s fantasy.
 This… this seems like what us women should come and witness, correct? but… is that really in my character? Am I… secretly a pervert that enjoys watching such things?
 I then realize what I had in my hand… an example of womanhood; it was known as the bath towel! This, this item! Will surely…
 “Let’s do it…” I spoke, seeming something came over me which cause Ohta-san to look confused. “Huh? Do what…?” “Spy on the boys, we must do it…” I say with certainty which then Mori-san’s eyes sparkle. “Finally, someone that understands me! Okay it’s decided, will spy on the boys at the hot tub after breakfast.” She stated as leaving for the dining room which Ohta-san seem confused by this.
 Clearly, she didn’t seem comfortable about the whole thing but decided with a shrug. “I guess… teenagers would be curious, right? Then let’s go then…” She spoke as she left for the dining room.
 Seems we had plans after breakfast and even then, I had no clue what came over me but I decided we should try… right?
 As then I came into the Dining room which everyone, including Masa-san who look to be dress a bit more comfortably and cozy compare to the outfit she came in which she introduce herself.
 “Seems that I’m still new to all of you and still trying to figure things out; my name is Esumi Masa, the Ultimate Journalist! I have written many articles in my life and have done many stories that related to murder – I am someone that will uncover the truth, so nice to meet ya~.” She spoke as giving a wink as having peace sign, seems like Masa-san seem happy to introduce herself which then the others seem surprise by this introduction.
 The first one to approach Masa-san was Hana-san who seem curious about her. “So, you’re that journalist that I’ve heard about; we were told you were in a rocket, correct?” She asked which Masa-san cross her arms. “Well yes – I was in that rocket; I suffer some injuries and I still have to be at the hospital but I can look around.” She answers which then she was in a thinking pose. “So, you could honestly treat me like I was here this whole time.” She continues which then everyone looks at each other then back at the blonde journalist.
 Soon then Abiko-san was curious and asked. “If mind me asking, I notice there are quite a few spirits around you – I… feel that people have died, correct?” He asked which cause Masa-san to look down and go silent which she gave a nod. “Yes, I told some that I was in a killing game with sixteen other people which only about seven of them escape with there lives which… I’m not sure what happen with them.” She stated which then Inoue-chan approach her. “Then, were they in the same class?” She asked which Masa-san shook her head.
 “No, they were all from different classes; from different ages and class years, I’ll be honest… I’m still confused about what happen but it seems our killing game was made for a reason which it seems outside of me, everyone was put into this killing game due to a connection.” She mentions which then Kobayashi-san cross his arms and thought it over. “So, this killing you were in, seems like this was thought up on the fly, huh?” He asked which then Masa-san shrugged.
 Clearly, she didn’t seem to know which then Kita-san ask the next question.
 “So, mind me asking but those injuries who… gave them to you?”
 It seems that Masa-san went silent as she looks to the ground and sighed. “Haku Isamu, the Ultimate Debater and pretty much a victim in the killing game like the rest of us… He was the mastermind that got push into that role without warning – pretty much the killing game mess up near the end that it ended up with me being torture for information about those that wanted to stop the killing game…” She answers as then Mrs. Kimura then walk over as placing a hand on her shoulder.
 “Well then… let’s hope those that escape are somewhere safe, that’s all we can hope for now…” She told her which Masa-san nodded. “Right, well in any case since I’ll be living at the hospital due to lack of rooms, so if you wish to speak with me I’ll be there…” She stated as she went over and sat herself down.
 There was… quite a lot we learn about Masa-san, but otherwise it seems she was plan in a killing game of some sort and she was left clueless of why it was set up but regardless, it seems Masa-san will be living as then the conversation got change.
 “So I was informed we’re having a party for me?” Masa-san seem curious about it which then Mori-san puffed her chest out and seem excited to speak of this. “Well of course, we couldn’t celebrate in some filthy room, by… say, when is this party?” She asked which then Kimura-san thought it over. “Maybe tonight? I think at night could work.” She brought up as in a thinking pose as trying to recall the time.
 This however cause Inoue-chan to not be too happy. “Well, can we set it up til midnight? I don’t want to mess up my sleep schedule…” She stated which you would assume a kid would want to stay up late which then Mrs. Kimura nodded. “Agree, I think we should have the party until midnight, after that you all head to bed, got it?” She informed them which of course Kimura-san didn’t seem happy but decided to let it be.
 “Then, will start the part around 10 pm!” Kobayashi-san declared as Hayashi-san eyed him. “I guess we can do with that, alright then 10 pm it is…” She stated as she sat herself down.
 As then breakfast began, seems most of the discussion was about the party and seems we got everything totally plan, which… I can’t wait for this party, something we just need something we all ask for and best of all, one I hoped didn’t end badly honestly.
 Esumi Masa, Ultimate Journalist FTE – 2/5
 --
 After that I went upstairs and went to my room, as then I remember… me, Mori-san and Ohta-san were going to spy on the boys which then I took my leave.
 However, as I arrive, I notice… Hana-san and Kimura-san were also there which surprise me. “Wait, you all are here too?” I asked which Hana-san started to think. “I mean, I’m rather use to seeing a shirtless guy so it’s whatever for me but I think checking to see if the hot tub is safe to be in, yeah?” She asked but I wasn’t sure if that was her intention or not.
 Even then Kimura-san seem pumped. “Pluuuus, I don’t think it’s wrong for women to peek on me at all so it’s okay if we do it…” She stated which, I question if we were making the right choice which Ohta-san didn’t seem too sure. “Even still – we better keep quiet so we don’t get caught.” She warned us which Mori-san cross her arms. “Indeed so, now… let us explore our womanhood.” She declared as the five of us went over to women’s side of the hot tub as then we began to watch.
 It seems Kobayashi-san, Abiko-san, Norman-san, Nakahara-san, Katou-san and Kita-san were in the men’s side of the hot tub. “So… you sure this will totally be safe for the party?” Kobayashi-san asked which Nakahara-san seem annoyed. “I assure you it works, don’t think my work is for nothing!” he pointed out which Norman-san cross his arms.
 “I check for a bit, seems it’s safe to go in and… try it out.” He stated as then Kita-san who didn’t seem too sure. “Well alright then but even still, there could be dangers and-.” “Yahoooo, hot tub! Hot tub!” Katou-san, who… weirdly was more muscular despite being short, wearing a towel but still had his mascot head on made a mad dash and cause a large splash which Norman-san dodge.
 “Hey, watch with that you!” He barked as he was annoyed, he didn’t want to get water on himself which Abiko-san notice that Katou-san was swimming about and seem fine. “Then it’s okay which if that’s the case, guess I’ll go change then.” He stated as taking his leave to change as then Kita-san and Nakahara-san left as well, which remained Kobayashi-san and Norman-san.
 It seems that Norman-san still wasn’t sure. “Even then, we should still be careful…” He commented which Kobayashi-san shrugged. “I mean – if you tested it out it should be fine anyways. I better get in for a bit too.” The blue hair boy left as a dejected Norman-san follow after him.
 As then moments later the remaining five men came out and began their time in the hot tub, seems clearly the six of them look to be enjoying themselves while we watch… like a bunch of perverts.
 As then Hana-san step back as putting her arms behind her head as she spoke. “Well, it seems totally safe from the looks of it – seems we won’t have to worry about it.” She commented which Mori-san laughed to herself. “Why of course, I knew this was a good-.” “Huh? What are you guys doing…?”
 Suddenly a voice appears which we all turn to see it was Masa-san who seem… confused. “O-Oh, Masa-san! I didn’t expect you to show up…” I stated which Masa-san walk over as she looks inside as she watches the event too which she gave a sigh. “You’re peeping on them, this… weirdly brings back some memories.” She mentions which cause Kimura-san tilted her head. “Wait, you peeped on boys too?” as a bit surprise by this which the journalist didn’t seem too proud.
 “Well yeah – someone force me to come along and watch with her, I… can’t say I wasn’t into it but still.” She stated as I was surprise someone like Masa-san was a pervert which Mori-san seem shock by this. “Wow and I thought we get in trouble for it~.” She spoke however it seem Ohta-san was more interested in watching the boys then the conversation.
 After that we all slip away, the avoid the crime of being caught as perverted; it was a choice to make this a secret among the women that watch it as I return back to my room.
 --
 Free time!
 As I look over at the clock which then I realize, I still had free time before the party starts!
 Which as usual I started to wander around the resort to see who to spend time with which then I found myself in the general store and found Nakahara-san in the electric department as he began to ponder.
 “Should we have video games at the party? I mean, video games are fun…” He stated as I thought it over.
 Should I spend time with Nakahara-san?
 >Hang out
  - Maybe another time
 As then it looks like Nakahara-san seem excited as he notice me. “Ah, I see you wish to help me search for the lost item, correct? Then let us begin!” He spoke as grabbing my hand with excitement.
 As then me and Nakahara-san began to explore the electronics department which we discuss about party plans, seems we grew closer together.
 As of course Nakahara-san began to speak up, seeming proud for some reason. “I’m surprise you were curious of one such as I!” He told me which I tilted my head to the side. “Why not? I mean, from what I heard that you were struck by lightning that gave you inspiration must be impressive you didn’t die from it…” I stated with a bit of disbelief which cause Nakahara-san to scowl as he pointed an accused finger towards me.
 “Ha! You really think that one shock would kill me! It can be possible to survive it! Y’know that every ten people struck by lighting, nine of them can survive so it’s not out of the realm of possibilities!” He stated as then he strokes his chin. “But even then, I recall my parents freaking out over it and having to send me to the hospital to get check over but I was completely fine which… I recall getting some issues but otherwise I’m pretty fine which the doctors say it was a miracle I survive it…” He stated which made me more curious.
 I then had to wonder some more questions. “Then if so, what type of electronics do you like to work on?” I asked that question which cause Nakahara-san to light up like a light bulb had just turn on in his head. “Ah yes, that – well I always had a fondness for working on computers; the inner workings always get me excited me greatly and I suppose that what got me into video games too! I can’t help but want to dissect them~.” He stated which I frown.
 I bet gamers everywhere would be concern around this guy as I nodded. “Oh well, guess it makes sense then what about phones?” I asked which of course he frown for a bit. “I mean – there okay but I just tend to get bored of them…” He commented which surprise me.
 I mean phones are commonly use so why isn’t he too excited about that one which then he shrugged. “So phones don’t excite you?” I asked him which he shook his head.
 “Well, they can but counting how commonly they are use; I tend to get bored of trying to fix them up honestly.” He stated which I couldn’t but be amazed by him.
 There was a lot about Nakahara-san that I didn’t know about but I was more and more curious of him.
 Nakahara Rai, Ultimate Electrical Engineer FTE – 1/5
 --
 After a bit more talking, I had return back to my room, which then I check over the clock – still had some free time which then I began to wander once more.
 As I continue to wander, I had found myself outside the greenhouse where Kita-san look to be standing around as he cross his arms. “I still don’t know about leaving our weapons at the door, I mean what if someone takes them…?” He asked a pretty understandable question.
 Should I spend time with Kita-san to calm down his worries…?
 >Hang out
  - Maybe another time
 As then the sniper looks at me with a frown. “Oh, you think I’m being too paranoid… I guess your right, but still…” He began as then I began to try and convince Kita-san that nothing bad will happen at the party which he thought it over…
 Looks like Kita-san and I grew a bit closer or I think so, I couldn’t tell…
 As then, I gave Kita-san a cloth that is good for cleaning which he smiled as he took it.
Kita-san had begun to look at me for a moment. “pardon my question, Okamoto-san but have you ever consider carrying a gun with you or some form of protection?” He asked which I blinked a bit surprise he would bring this up as that question really did come out of nowhere.
 “I… don’t think so, I never felt a reason to carry any protection of any kind.” I answer which Kita-san seem confused by this statement as he crosses his arms. “I see, I guess counting with your talent; people would try to shoot at you for speaking or even saying a different opinion so I figure you would have some protection.” He explains to me which I can get that for the most part…
 But still that reaction is pretty extreme, I mean if people disagree with each other then they can agree to disagree; at least that’s what I think anyway.
 “I guess? But even then, I don’t think carrying around a gun all the time is a great idea either, I can see why you would want to but counting we likely won’t kill each other I think you are being paranoid.” I stated as then Kita-san shook his head. “Sadly, there are some parts of the world that wouldn’t agree with that; wars are actually started due to different opinions, countries have different systems of leaderships and even sometimes for different beliefs… at least that’s what my grandfather had taught me.” He stated which I had wonder about his grandfather.
 I did remember he brought up that he and his grandfather did go hunting which got me curious. “From the sounds of it, seems your grandfather is someone that you care for a lot.” I brought up which Kita-san nodded. “I suppose so – my grandfather was a war veteran, he was someone that fought in war for what our country believes in, he did what he was train to do and would do anything to serve his country which… might be why I do idolize him quite a bit.” He smiled to himself which got me curious.
  Then what about his parents – he doesn’t seem to mention them much which I then asked. “Then are your parents okay with you carrying a gun?” I asked him which cause purple hair sniper to look confused. “I suppose? I mean my father owns a sports shop which had guns in it while my mom tends to work in law which she carries a gun so I think it’s okay…” He stated with a straight face.
 Seems his family really thinks carry guns are okay but still…
 Kita Jobon, Ultimate Sniper FTE – 2/5
 --
 After trying to speak with Kita-san more, I took my leave as returning back to my room, which as then I look up at the clock and realize…
 It was time for the party which I was excited to get to which then as I left my room and headed downstairs, I saw Masa-san, Hana-san and Inoue-chan all together which the trio notice me which all there faces lightened up.
 “Oh hey, seems the party is going to start, right?” Masa-san had asked which I smile a bit. “Yeah, seems like it – we’re you all waiting for me?” I asked in return which Inoue-chan gave a firm nod. “Yep! I mean we should all go together so let’s get going!” She stated as she dashed out the door, I guess we really are going to distract ourselves with this party.
 As then the other 2 remain which Masa-san had her arms cross as being unsure. “I’m… still not sure about this, I mean I get they want to make a party for me…” “Hey Masa-san? Mind me asking but why don’t you seem to like parties…?” Masa-san turn her attention towards Hana-san which I guess I was curious of that too…
 Which the women went silent as pulling her hat down. “Well, remember when I say I was in a killing game before…?” She asked which the 2 of us look at each other which I turn to Hana-san thought it over.
 “I believe so, why?” I asked which then Masa-san cross her arms. “Well in the killing game I was in after a trial – a few of us decided to throw a party and after say party, well… a body was discovered, someone died and we had no clue of it so I’ve been wary about it ever since I heard of the party.” She explained which I went pale.
 So, she was worried that someone is going to died which then I turn to Hana-san frown a bit. “Yeah, that… would be understand, huh?” She asked which the blonde journalist couldn’t help but close her eye. “Which… I didn’t want to say anything to those setting up because they worked pretty hard on this and it was for me so yet again, I’m sorry.” She stated which I nodded as then Hana-san shook her head as placing a hand on her shoulder.
 “Dude, if anything – I don’t think you have anything to apologize for; you just worry it’ll happen again and besides it seems they are trying to be safe as they can be so I don’t think you got much to worry about.” She stated as trying to calm Masa-san down which she looks at me. “Are you sure? I just…” She stops which I look at the door then at Masa-san. “I heard they are putting the weapons by the door and seems like to avoid any triggers; they will be careful around you so I think as long as someone doesn’t try anything, I think will be fine.” I stated which despite her worries it seems Masa-san calmed down a bit.
 “I… guess your right, I apologize for being worry but yes, I guess we should go.” She stated as the three of us left the lodge which Inoue-chan seem to be waiting which the four of us walk along as we made our way to the ski lodge.
 Still we learn quite a bit about Masa-san from that conversation…
 Esumi Masa, Ultimate Journalist FTE – 2/5
 As we were greeted by Kobayashi-san, who seem happy about it. “Hey, great you all came along – so anyways, just leave any dangerous items by the door and go to enjoy yourselves!” He stated which I notice Kita-san’s gun, Norman-san’s whip, Hayashi-san’s knife and various items that are which to be safe I place some stuff in there as did Hana-san and seems Masa-san place a few things to but Inoue-chan rush on in.
 As then we all walk into the ski lodge which looks like everyone was there then Norman-san spoke up.
 “Well, seeing you all have arrive – wish to get this party started?!” He declared which Kimura-san seem really happy. “Very well – then let’s get going~!” She stated as then…
 The party had started! It was an exciting event and… I’m not sure what happen, I guess I wasn’t paying attention or maybe things are just too exciting for all of us! Wait was… something in the drink?
 I’m not sure and I don’t care! I’m just trying to enjoy myself with this party however at the couch I notice a few people sitting down and not partying…
 Mrs. Kimura was drinking as watching the students, Inoue-chan just watch not sure why, Hana-san was just drinking water, Ohta-san watched and didn’t drink anything either and Nakahara-san who look to be… high off of pop rocks? I’m not even sure how that’s possible but who cares.
 However, one person I notice was Masa-san who look to be looking outside the window… wonder what she’s watching.
 As then the party went by in a flash that I just… zone out, I think. I’m not sure but whatever!
 …
..
.
 After sometime, I… think I was carried! yeah, I was but I’m not sure who it was which then I felt something soft which I guess was my bed.
 Well good night, yeah…
 …
..
.
 The next morning came and… ugh, what happen last night? I… something happen? I’m not sure but wow, whatever did I’m back in my bed and I feel a headache and…
 Suddenly I felt pain my stomach which… I need to go to the bathroom right as I rush over and threw up in the toilet which I flushed – what did I do last time… did I get drunk? Did someone drug the punch or whatever?
 I couldn’t think straight so I look to notice that my PJs were on and my clothes were put away neatly, at least someone was nice enough to change me when I was out of it. As then I went to clean myself up in the bathroom, change my clothes but when I was about to leave I… notice my pen was back.
 It was missing for a while but maybe someone return it back? I-.
 I felt another headache come on, I was not in the mood to think as then I left my room and headed downstairs heading down to the dining hall and notice that Inoue-chan, Hana-san and Nakahara-san were in the room which I notice some glasses which one look to be empty to be empty.
 “Oh, morning big sis Fuji! So how’s the hangover?” She asked which I blinked. “Hangover?” I asked confused as Hana-san cross her arms. “Seems you all got drunk last night and had to be carry back to your rooms, Mrs. Kimura ask me to tell you guys to drink these… it’s to help with hangovers.” She pointed to what look to be glasses with liquids in which I grab one as holding my head.
 As I sipped, it tasted weird but then I turn to the others. “Say, since you guys are up – where’s Mrs. Kimura?” I admitted which Nakahara-san shrugged. “She mentions she had to go with Masa-san about searching for something but I’m not sure what it is, maybe she lost her lighting of inspiration?” He stated which I was confused.
 Mrs. Kimura and Masa-san were off somewhere? Wonder what for…?
 As I finish off the remaining on the drink suddenly, I saw Masa-san rush in as she looks around which she saw me and she rushes over to the 4 of us. “He-Hey guys, can you come with me quick!” She told us which Inoue-chan look confused. “Huh? What happen?” She asked which then Masa-san spoke out.
 “There’s a fire at the greenhouse!” She barked which cause us to be shock.
 “A fire at the greenhouse?!” Nakahara-san panic which Hana-san look at her. “What happen to Mrs. Kimura?” She asked which Masa-san seem worried. “Lo-Look, there’s no time to explain just come with me.” She stated as she rushes out which myself, Nakahara-san and Hana-san look at each other. “We better get going, Inoue-chan – can you tell the others to drink this and head over to the greenhouse?” I asked her.
 Seems that Inoue-chan gave a nod and she wasn’t complaining. “Fine then, but please be careful…” She spoke with worry as I nodded as I drank the rest of the content as putting my glass down which myself, Hana-san and Nakahara-san rush out of the lodge and headed in the direction where Masa-san was going.
 As we made our way to the greenhouse, seems Masa-san was right – the greenhouse is on fire!
 “O-Oh god, did lightning strike the greenhouse?!” I asked in a panic which then Hana-san look around. “We need to turn off the fire – c’mon, let’s get inside.” She stated as she rush over as trying to open the door but no matter what she couldn’t get it open. “Hu-Huh?! Why isn’t this opening.” She asked which Masa-san step forward. “The door is lock, I saw smoke as I try to get in but couldn’t…” She stated which as then Hamoponi appear.
 “There’s a fire here! This is bad, I see some bodies in the greenhouse too before it went on fire!” He spoke out which then I turn to the horse plush. “Can you get inside?” I asked which Hamoponi look at me. “I can – I can even turn the water out to get rid of the fire.” He stated which Nakahara-san yelled.
 “Then turn it on, we have no time!” He barked which with a nod, Hamoponi disappear which then we look at the greenhouse which we saw being drowsed by water as then smoke appear which as then the door open.
 Hamoponi walk out the door as he stood beside it. “Right then, you can walk in but… I’m not sure you’ll like what you see.” He warned which I blinked.
 Something… We’re not going to like? I wonder what’s going on… I mean what happen exactly and-.
 “Doesn’t matter, we must see what’s inside so c’mon.” Masa-san spoke who seem eager to get inside as she rushes in which myself, Hana-san and Nakahara-san look at each other. “We… better hurry then, seems based on Masa-san’s reaction it must be bad so let’s go.” Hana-san say as she follows after her which Nakahara-san also seem worried. “I mean… what could be in there but I guess will see what started the fire since electronic devices tend to start fires usually in greenhouses so I better check it out…” the electrical engineer brought up as he follow after them which then I walk inside and…
 What I came to witness was an awful sight… a truly awful sight…
 The entire greenhouse was in complete smoke, a tree got knock over as it covers the fire exit but my attention was towards was near the fire exit was… a shape of a body that was burn to a crisp and… Masa-san’s journal right next to it.
 Chapter 2: The Beauty of Survive | DEADLY LIFE
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akaashisupremacy · 4 years ago
Text
Spring Showers
Summary: What’s it like to be in a relationship with Kei Tsukishima, who is now in college? 
Genre and pairing: Tsukki x fem!reader/Oc , FLUFF, Slice of life??
Notes: Kaori Miyahara is an original character, but readers are free to put themselves into her shoes! 
Read the other instalments Chap.1 (Ao3) || Chap. 2 (AO3) || Chap. 3 (A03) || Chap. 4 (A03) || Chap. 5 (A03) || Chap. 6|| 
6:00 PM || Amemaru Junior High || Miyagi Prefecture
“Tsukki…are you alright? You look upset.” said Yamaguchi, “You’ve been pissed all day.”
Practice had just ended when Yamaguchi finally broached him on his sour mood.
“It’s been a long week,” Tsukishima muttered distractedly.
Yamaguchi was not convinced. He had been best friends with Tsukki since before Junior High. Something was definitely bothering him. They left their school gym to begin walking home.
Halfway through their route, Tsukki finally opened up.
“I overheard one of our classmates was going to ask for Kaori’s number during graduation next month.” His lips were pursed into a tense line.
Kaori Miyahara was Tsukki’s next door neighbor, who moved to the prefecture at the start of Junior High. She competed as a gymnast. He walked to school with her every morning and she was his only other friend really. Tsukki found her bothersome at first but lately he was slowly growing attracted to her.
Yamaguchi resisted the urge to chuckle. Despite Tsukki’s intimidating stature, he was a jealous softy at heart.  
“Doesn’t mean Kaori will actually give him her number.” shrugged Yamaguchi. As their third year in Junior High was coming to a close, Yamaguchi had gotten better at consoling Tsukki’s anxieties about her.
“But what if she does?” Tsukki persisted.
Yamaguchi stopped at his tracks and crossed his arms, “Then maybe you should make a move.”
Tsukki shook his head, “She doesn’t like me that way. I would know if she did. Besides, she told me that she didn’t want a boyfriend. Gymnasts that get boyfriends either quit gymnastics or leave their boyfriends. I don’t want her to quit on me or her sport.”
“Then you have nothing to worry about. If she’s not interested at all, even if she gives him her number, nothing will happen.”
They continued walking. He caught a hint of Tsukki’s smile creeping on the edge of his lips.
“I guess you’re right.” he said.
They reached the intersections that separated their homes. Right across the street was Kaori, on her way home from her gym.
“See you next week,” bade Yamaguchi with a knowing smile. Tsukki shot him a glare. Kaori walked by his side, her hair was out of her usual braid. They rarely walked home together. Tsukki tried to keep his nerves down.
“Are you nervous for your competition tomorrow?” he asked casually.
“Little bit,” she mumbled, “I just want to pace myself. My back is taped up again.” She pulled down a bit of her neckline to show him the athletic tape that snaked until her shoulders. They walked in silence.
Kaori nudged him with her hip, “You’ll come see me tomorrow right?”
“Tch, I told you we’ll be visiting my brother at the city tomorrow…” he trailed. Kaori could not hide her disappointment. He hated to see her dejected, “But it’s only for lunch. We should be done by early afternoon, I’ll go to the Sendai City Gymnasium when we’re done.”
She perked up and smiled. He smiled back. He could never help himself with her.
Tsukki secretly loved it when she handed him competition tickets. It made him feel special because she didn’t give them out to just anyone. He used to keep her tickets in his wallet but later transferred them to an old cookie tin on his desk when his wallet became too tight.
It doesn’t take too much to make him cheer him up. Tickets and her smile were enough.
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5:00 PM || Sendai University Gym || Second Year in University, Last Semester
Kei Tsukishima beelined for the gymnasium of the rhythmic gymnastics team. He had just come from his own game with the Sendai frogs, which meant he’d missed Kaori’s last competition of the season. Instead he received updates through Yamaguchi and the inter-collegiate score page. Yachi occasionally chimed in on their group chat.
Kaori’s team placed fourth, just one slot away from qualifying into the National Collegiate Championships. Even though she held the high score for two events, her accumulated team score fell short. As his concession, he promised to pick her up from the gym with flowers in hand.
Just as he got to the corner before the gym, he stopped, sat and waited for her from there. He texted her that he was at their meeting spot. She came for him five minutes later, looking quietly dejected.
“You’re scarily quiet,” he commented.
“I’m just so pissed.” she grunted.
Tsukki awkwardly handed her the flowers. She grudgingly accepted, looking a little scorned by the consolation bouquet. He could feel her fuming inside her head.
He gently nudged her by the waist, accidentally using more force than he realized. She instinctively shoved him back crossly.  
“Hey, I’m sorry,” he said, stumbling. He tried to hide his smirk. It was rare to see her so upset.
“Tsukki stop smiling, I can see you from the corner of my eye.” she huffed.
“It’s funny to see short people pissed off,” he chuckled. She glared at him. He slung an arm around her waist and pulled her closer.
The university campus was empty today. They could stand a little closer without people talking.
When her head eventually began to cool, Kaori spoke up.
“When I competed in elite, I used to hate being yelled at. I hated it when my coach pulled my hair. I hated being weighed everyday. But I thought it would all be worth it as long as I reached my goal. Why did I endure all that suffering when I’m going to fail? What was the point?” she mumbled.
The sky had grown dark and they were walking under street lights. The campus was eerily silent except for the shuffling of their footsteps.  
“Maybe the point was you shouldn’t have endured all that.” he replied.
“I know…it’s days like this when I want to quit. Sometimes it’s so difficult to love this sport when you are put through a mill and you don’t even get your results.” she swallowed with a lump in her throat.
Before her last ribbon routine, Kaori was under immense pressure. One of her teammates had made a costly mistake and she herself had a slight error on clubs. Kaori had the highest scoring potential among her team mates. They could still realistically finish within the top 3, but it was an outside shot and Kaori had to have a lights out performance.
About an hour before her last routine, she called her friends for moral support.
“You’re nervous you just gotta let it out,” Yachi advised through the phone.
“For us to even have an outside shot, I need a record score. Sheeshh!” exclaimed Kaori.
She could hear the two of them breathe at her on Yachi’s speaker.
“Well, I mean you shouldn’t give up just yet…” started Yamaguchi, “But don’t be afraid to embrace that this might be your last competition of the year too.”
“Yamaguchi, I can only choose one.” she said flatly.
“I meant ahh…how do I explain this…” he stammered.  
Yamaguchi breathed out and gathered his thought, “This could realistically be your last competition, right? How do you want your last event to go? You have nothing to lose.”
Kaori could still not make it to nationals whether she did well or not. Still she was set to try her best.
“Realistically, Kao-chan” piped in Yachi, “You can do it.
Kaori remembered ending her routine. The gymnasium entirely silent. As she stood to catch her breath, the applause came.
“Was that enough to get us the score we need?” she thought. Her mind was so caught up on the score that she couldn’t even properly enjoy the moment.
Tsukki nudged her back into reality.
“I heard you had a really good last routine though.”
“I did,” she perked up, “You should’ve seen me. There were people crying.”
“I wish I did, but that’s kind of the drawback of dating another athlete.” he sighed, “When we were in Junior High, I thought that you should date me because I totally understood your schedule. I wouldn’t be the type of guy to demand time that you didn’t have only to realize we can’t always be at each other’s competitions.”
“Big talk for someone who couldn’t even own up to me back then,” she snorted. Tsukki was flustered.
Kaori remembered something. She pulled out an unused ticket from her bag and handed them to him. He took it and carefully placed it in his wallet.
“I don’t understand why you’d keep my old tickets.” she shook her head.
They were now heading to her apartment so that she could get changed before dinner.
“I just like collecting them,” he shrugged innocently.
“Makes me feel special.” he thought.
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4:00 PM || Kaori’s apartment || Second Year in University, Last Semester
“Looks like we’ll just have to stay in today.”
Kaori peered at Tsukki as her lids became heavy with sleep. She could hear the steady trickle of the rain outside of her window.
“What a waste of a beautiful spring afternoon,” she thought. They were supposed to go to a nearby park with some friends, but plans were cancelled because of the weather. She liked the days when they could go outside, but Tsukki probably liked it better when they stayed indoors.
She yawned before lying on her stomach. With her last bit of will, she laced her fingers into his before the lull of sleep overtook her.
The weather was turning warm.The rain had cooled the city again. Tsukki watched as Kaori wafted into her nap. Their seasons had just ended and they were both completely exhausted. Until they recover, this was probably the best way to spend their time: napping.
Kaori would have preferred to be out and about, but he wanted to take a break and catch up on their academics. He wasn’t necessarily behind; he just wasn’t as on time as he would like.
Tsukki pulled out his homework and yellow highlighter from his bag. He popped the lid off with his teeth and began highlighting with just his right hand.
The past year had been a whirlwind. This time last year, he was relearning how to be around Kaori - her quirks, habits, and temperament. Despite having known her for so long, he found that he had to learn many more things to keep up with their changing relationship - how to ask for help, how to be vulnerable, how to make love. Now he was learning how to read with only one hand.
Kaori liked to sleep holding his hand. He was hesitant to pull away and wake her. One year ago, he would spat at how silly the situation was and just pulled his hand away. Now, the gesture was a way for them to make the most out of their scarce weekends and so he let it be.
The smell of wet pavement and plants filled his nose. When they were younger, the thought of touching her skin overwhelmed him. In their first year in High School, Kaori had asked him to teach him how to fold her sleeves.
“You know how to fold sleeves. Why do you need my help?” he had pretended to scoff.
“I don’t know how to do it with the ends poking out. You know…the way the cool seniors do it.”
Truthfully, he knew what she meant. He was doing what he could to put it off because it meant having his fingertips brush her arm. She stuck her blazer off and shoved her arm to him.
Sighing as if it was the largest chore in the world, he unbuttoned the end of her sleeves and began neatly folding her right sleeve. As soon as his finger touch the heat of her arm, he jerked back.
“God! You're so warm, do you have a fever?” Deep down however, Tsukki was overwhelmingly ready to combust. He didn’t know if he could finish the task.
“No, that’s just the blazer,” she brushed him aside. Seeing as her arm was still up. He quickly set to work, tugging the ends of her sleeves to finish.
“There,” he said, desperately hoping he wasn’t blushing. Kaori replicated his folds on her other sleeve, proudly showing him her new found skill.
“Now, I’m a proper High School student.” she beamed.
By the time they met again at the end of their first year, Tsukki had gained more tolerance for touch. He was secretly proud that his palms didn’t get too sweaty the first time they held hands. A year in, he still occasionally got nervous. Old habits die hard.
When dinner started to approach, Kaori dragged herself from her bed and yawned. Tsukki instinctively put his things away and began clearing the sink. She pulled out some vegetables from the fridge and began chopping them up for their dinner. Two pots appeared on the stove top. One for soup and another for their main course.
“What are we having tonight?” he murmured, trying not to cry as he diced some onions.
“I have some curry cubes I’ve been meaning to use up,” she thought out loud.
Tsukki nodded and wiped away his tears, “Well, I hope this is enough onion because this is as far as I can go.” The sting was so bad he had to take his glasses off.
Kaori laughed and tenderly wiped away his tears with her fingers, her palms resting on his cheek. Touch was almost second nature to her, especially next to him.
“You look so handsome without your glasses,” she cooed.  
“Yeah, but I can’t see without them so I’ll stick to being mediocre.” he smirked, slipping his glasses back on and pushing his hair away from his eyes.
“Well I do rather you be able to see me,” she smiled.
The pot of boiling water was hissed, ready to boil over. Kaori had forgotten to watch it. For a brief moment she panicked and flinched. Tsukki calmly opened the lid, turned down the heat and added a tablspoon of miso paste. He stirred while she occupied herself with her vegetables.
“I’ll take care of the soup. You finish up on your cutting.” he said, throwing in some wakame and tofu.
Whenever household chores go awry, her first instinct was to brace herself. She had a bit of getting too focused on doing one thing and ending up neglecting something else. Her parents used to yell at her for it. She couldn’t help being an airhead. Being shouted at used to make her nervous, but over her time in gym she had numbed herself to its effects.
“It’s just hot water on a stove,” he said as if reading her mind, “Don’t think about it too much.”
After tossing in her chopped vegetables onto her pot, it was time for the curry. Unable to reach the slot of her highest kitchen cabinet, she stood on a stool to reach for her curry cubes. Her shoulders almost matched the height of his.
“I can see you eye to eye now,” she grinned, with her hands on her waist. She almost always had to tilt her chin up when they spoke. It was refreshing to be able to see him on the same level.
“I’m still taller,” he smirked, gesturing over her head.
She sighed, “Man, you really won’t let me have this.”
“Well, now I can do this without bending down.” He kissed her on the forehead and turned his attention back onto the soup.
Kaori smiled and stepped down from her stool. The mixture was beginning to boil and she would have to add the cubes soon. She began unboxing the curry.
“The table counter is so far when I’m on the stool.” she explained.
When she was younger, she wasn’t necessarily unhappy. “Contented enough” was probably the best description. Cooking with Tsukki on early Sunday evening was a slice of domesticity she didn’t think would bring her so much joy.
As he started on the dishes and turned on the rice cooker, Kaori snuck a glance at him. A year ago, Sundays indoors bored her to death. Tonight, even though they were stuck indoors and the air smelled like spring showers, she found little reason to complain.
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Taglist for Chap. 5: @scrappydaisies
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travelingtheusa · 4 years ago
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TENNESSEE
2021 May 4 (Tue) – We went to Oak Ridge this morning.  It was called the Secret City back in the 1940s. Oak Ridge was one of 3 cities where the atomic bombs were produced.  Its population went from 1,000 to 50,000 people in 6 months.  Unfortunately, the museum was closed.  So was the Museum of the Appalachia and the Museum of Tennessee. We got to see a short film at the NPS office, which was a little booth located in the corner of the Children’s Museum.
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     We then drove to Knoxville.  There wasn’t much to see but we drove around to look at the city.  We drove into the Old City and past Market Square. The city had lots of old buildings mixed with new construction.  We stopped at Corner 16 for lunch.  It was an excellent choice.  The food was outrageous.  We bought some of the chili to bring home for dinner.
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 2021 May 3 (Mon) – We packed up and left Lebanon at 9:30 a.m. It was raining and rained for most of the drive.  About three-quarters of the way to our destination, the skies opened up and it poured. The rain was so heavy we could barely see past the hood.  There was a break in the rain just as we arrived at our new campground – the Windrock State Park Campground in Oliver Springs.  It rained all night long, sometimes ferociously.  There was lightning and thunder and, at times, hail.
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     The campground is very high class.  We spotted at least 3 Prevost RVs.  Those are very expensive rigs.  This campground is up in the mountains and is nicely laid out, neat and clean with plenty of space between sites.  There is extra space for ATVs.  This seems to be a favorite spot for ATV riding.  The campground is at the head of many trails leading off into the wilderness. We’ve been watching them come and go for the two days we’ve been here.  Covered in mud and debris and smiling from ear to ear.
 2021 May 2 (Sun) – We drove into Nashville today to go to the Johnny Cash Museum.  His life story was quite interesting.  His parents couldn’t agree on a name when he was born, so they named him J.R.  Years later, when he tried to enlist in the Air Force, they insisted that he had to have a first name so he chose John.  That morphed into Johnny as his musical career took off.  
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     It cost us $20 to park for two hours.  The parking lot appeared to be 3 in 1; three different machines for different areas of the same parking lot.  It was strange.  The town was bustling with people.  It was so crowded that we had to step off the sidewalk to go around clusters of folks gathered outside restaurants and shops.  No one was wearing masks outside, although you still have to wear a mask indoors. Looks like things are finally starting to loosen up.  Infections around the country are dropping as people get the vaccine and venues are beginning to open again.  It feels very hopeful.
     We wanted to have lunch in Nashville but it was too crowded.  We hopped in the truck and drove back to Lebanon. First stop was at the number one and number two restaurants, according to Trip Advisor.  But, you guessed it.  Too crowded with long wait times.  We finally wound up at Cracker Barrel.  The gal who checked us in said it was 20 to 30 minutes.  We waited almost an hour.  The food was good, as usual, but the long wait took the bloom off the rose.
     After lunch, we stopped at WalMart to get some groceries.  Then it was a stop at the liquor store to pick up some spirits.  And finally, we stopped at a gas station to fuel up for tomorrow’s trip.  We got back to the campground at around 3:45 p.m.  It started raining later in the evening. Weather forecasters are saying it’s going to rain for next two days.
 2021 May 1 (Sat) – We packed up and after a brief stop at the dump station to empty the tanks, we were on our way.  It was 2-1/2 hours to Lebanon where we are staying in a KOA. This campground is very tight and also on uneven terrain, like our last campground.  It is lucky we have a pull-through site.  It would be very hard to maneuver between all the rigs and on a hillside.
     Once we were set up, we took the laundry to the machines and did the wash.  
2021 Apr 30 (Fri) – We drove to Lexington (still in Tennessee) for lunch at Dan’s Café.  It was a small house converted to an eatery.  It had a 50’s flair to it.  The food was good.
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     After lunch, we drove to Parker’s Crossroads and toured the battlefield. The north and south clashed there and had an intense 5-hour battle where neither really won.  The confederates were able to escape and cross the Tennessee River but not before causing havoc for many miles on their mission to disrupt Union rails and resources.  The battlefield is spread out with walking tours and storyboards recounting the activities that went on at that point.  The Visitor’s Center had a video that told the story of the battle.  It was quite informative.
     Next door to the visitor’s center was the Tennessee State Veteran’s Cemetery.  We drove through the grounds.  There were only about 50 graves.  It is a new cemetery just established in 2018.
     After getting some fuel, we stopped at a gas station shoppette to pick up milk.  They had loads of beer and soda to go with lots of snacks, but no milk.  The closest supermarket was 24 miles away.  We drove over the bridge to the next gas station shoppette and were able to find milk there.  Thank goodness!
     We got news that the Washington, D.C. caravan we signed up for has been cancelled.  The caravan was scheduled to take place the first week in July and the plan was to march in the National Parade on Independence Day.  The parade, which is run by the National Park Service, has been cancelled. In addition, several other tourist places around Washington, D.C. will not be open.  Also, the number of rigs signed up for the caravan fell to 11. That’s below the minimum threshold of 15 rigs for the caravan to go.  We will still go to D.C. for the 2 weeks we planned to be there.  So will our friends, Rick & Brenda from Florida. Our other friends, Hank & Brenda from Texas, cancelled out of the D.C. caravan but they will join us on the drive from D.C. to New York for our caravan around Upstate NY.  I sent an email to the manager at Fort Belvoir to tell her we will still be coming for the 2 weeks we reserved.
2021 Apr 29 (Thu) – We pulled up stakes and left Memphis at 10 a.m. It rained during most of the drive. In addition, as accident occurred right in front of us.  The traffic was at a stand still for an hour and a half.  Two tractor trailers and two cars got into it.  One of the cars had 3 kids in it.  Luckily, no one was seriously hurt.  
     We finally arrived at the Natchez Trace RV Park at 1:30 p.m.  It was a little tricky getting into our site around the trees.  The slick mud didn’t help things a bit.  The trailer wouldn’t level right either.  It kept resetting itself and the RV was on a tilt.  
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 2021 Apr 28 (Wed) – We dropped off Bonnie’s urine sample to the vet’s office this morning.  The vet came out and told us there is no urine infection.  She also refilled Bonnie’s liver medication for 3 months. I asked for 4 but they only had 3 boxes. Oh, well.  You take what you can get.
     After the vet, we drove to the Blue Plate Café where we met Steve & Diane for breakfast.  Not only was the food good but the company was also enjoyable.  We stayed for over an hour and a half.
     Next stop was at Vitamin Shoppe where I got some vitamins.  Paul is still not feeling well.  He’s still suffering the effects of the vaccine.
2021 Apr 27 (Tue) – I took Paul to lunch (or did he take me?) at Las Tortugas Deli Mexicali.  It was a different kind of set up.  You ordered at the counter from a menu that was in Spanish with English in parentheses. We recognized very few of the dishes. We both wound up ordering sandwiches which were very good.  We brought leftovers home.
     I called the vet’s office where no one knew anything about what I was calling about.  I left a message for Dr. Bates to call.  I called again at 5:30 pm.  The doctor got on the phone and said she left a message today.  There was no message on my phone.  She didn’t know anything about a urine sample so we agreed to bring another one in tomorrow.  She said she would refill Bonnie’s liver medication.  Five months’ worth will be waiting for us when we drop off the urine sample tomorrow.
     Just as we were sitting down to dinner tonight, there came a knock on the door.  It turned out to be Diane.  She and husband, Steve, were on our Utah caravan.  He served as the Weatherman.  They will be staying here in the campground until Friday.  We agreed to get together for breakfast tomorrow.
     Paul is feeling cruddy tonight.  He is feverish and achy.  Guess the vaccine is doing its thing.
      We got a call from a campground in Ticonderoga, NY today.  The manager had looked over the list of RVs I sent her and decided they couldn’t accommodate the larger rigs.  They cancelled our reservation.  What a disaster!!!  Less than 3 months to go and we lose a campground.  We would be lucky to find another place that can fit 22 RVs at this late date during the height of the tourist season.  I felt sick.  Paul jumped on the Internet and did some research.  I tried calling the campground we were going to stay at before the cancelled one to see if we could just extend our stay.  No luck.  They are booked solid for the week after us.  Paul found a place 65 miles east in Peru, NY.  I called and they were able to fit us in.  I sent a list of campers and RV sizes.  Hopefully, things will go OK.  I also got a call from another campground on our caravan saying our deposit was due May 1st or our sites would open up.  I quickly sent off a missive to SMART HQ to send out a check.  That could have been a serious problem!  Luckily, the fates were looking after us.
 2021 Apr 26 (Mon) – We went out to lunch at a BBQ place.  The food was good.  Then we dropped off a urine sample at the veterinarian.  Bonnie is acting like she has a urine infection again. *sigh*  She just can’t seem to get past this thing.  The vet she saw last time was not in, so a tech took the sample and said he would handle everything.  Also pass on our request to refill Bonnie’s liver medication.
     We then went to CVS where Paul got his second COVID shot.  I picked up some Mother’s Day cards.  As we were standing on line, Paul saw a young man wearing a motorcycle helmet put two car chargers in his pocket and walk out.  He yelled at the guy but the clerk, who was ringing up a customer in front of us, just giggled about the incident.  She just shrugged it off.
     I called the vet’s office later to see what happened with the urine sample but nobody had anything to say about it. Guess I will talk to Dr. Bates tomorrow.
2021 Apr 25 (Sun) – It was cold this morning.  The heat pump went off about 2:30 a.m. this morning.  We keep that off because of the noise it makes.  It turns out the furnace was not working.  It looks like the techs did something that made the controls work improperly.  We cannot get the furnace to turn on.
      All Vanleigh personnel were gone early this morning so I posted our issue on Facebook. Sure enough, the tech folks were still monitoring the website and responded to my post.  The tech said he would send us a new program for the Spyder Control Panel.  Apparently, he knows exactly what they did.  Aaaaarrrggghhh!!!  We’ll have it sent to Travis & Sam where we will be in two weeks.
    We packed up and left Hot Springs at 10 a.m.  It was a long drive.  We pulled into a parking lot at a mall around noon to make ourselves lunch.  We arrived at Agricenter RV Park in Memphis around 2:30 p.m.  The host couldn’t find our reservation and it turns out that I had made reservations for a different date.  He was able to clear up the confusion and find us a spot.
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    After that lovely RV resort in Hot Springs, this feels like a slum.  Lol.  The RVs are very close to each other in rows with grass that needs cutting, no trees, and stone campsites.  The road is asphalt that needs some repairs.  Several of the campers are long term as we saw 40 lb. and 100 lb. propane tanks outside their RVs.  The cost was higher than I expected but reflects a military discount.  Guess we can expect charges to continue to increase with all the new RVers out there and no new campgrounds to accommodate them.
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learnionline · 8 years ago
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USMLE STEP 1 EXPERIENCE Amjad Elmashala (Step 1 score 269) So many of you have asked for my experience, I’m sorry for the delay as I just had the step 2 CS exam two days ago. I am a recent graduate of Al-Quds University in Palestine, andnow an intern. I was confused at the beginning whether to take step 2 CK (like all graduates from my university) or step 1. My friend „Kinana Abu-Rayyan‟ talked to me for hours about the benefits of doing step 1 before step 2, and now I know she is right. She‟s always right hahaha! So, I started my preparation on the 15th of July, 2016, but the real kick in was not until July 30th, when another friend of mine Mohammad Adawi decided to begin preparing for the step 1 as well. I read a lot of experiences to decide how I want to proceed with this, and I saw so many students scoring in the 250s and 260s who have only done UWorld “UW”, First Aid “FA” and Pathoma (UFAP). My target was to get at least 250 in the beginning of my preparation. I started with pathology, since it was the least terrifying to me and I did not want to get disappointed or bored from the very beginning. I watched one chapter of Pathoma videos each day, then I went on to read the same chapter from the book. At the same time, I was doing the UW pathology questions for that particular chapter at night. My friend and I usually then talked at 10 or 11 pm when we were done to discuss some of the questions that were either confusing or that we got wrong, and share our ways of thinking on these particular questions. It was really beneficial to see how he was thinking. This took us about 25 days and anywhere between 5 and 8 hours per day. We were also skimming through FA especially towards the end of the 22 days, but I wouldn’t say that we really studied it. Then we decided to move on to biochemistry, we watched Kaplan 2014 biochemistry videos (44 hours) with Dr. Turco and went through FA. Genetics was explained in the first half of the videos, so we took a couple of days to answer UW questions in Genetics, then we went back to finish the metabolic part and answer all the biochemistry questions from UW. This process took us two weeks. Then we went on to study physiology, we read the BRS and FA at the same time, and answered the UW physiology questions. We needed 10 days to get that done. After that, we started watching Pharmacology videos. I watched Kaplan 2014 videos and my friend watched 2010 videos. The 2010 videos have much more details and I think they are worth doing more than the 2014 videos. We did the pharmacokinetics; pharmacodynamics and autonomic nervous system drugs from Kaplan. We read FA at the same time and answered UW pharmacology questions. We left the antimicrobials until we study microbiology. This took us another 10 days. Then, we studied microbiology and immunology from FA we watched videos only for the antimicrobials from Kaplan 2014, and we were going through the UW questions at the end of each. These two took us two weeks, but we knew that we will have to come back to them many times to master them – so many details. After that, we watched the Kaplan 2014 videos for anatomy and read FA, then went through UW anatomy questions. This is one of the topics that made us suffer all the way during our studying. I still don‟t know what to recommend for you. Anatomy took us 10 days of preparation. Finally, we watched the Kaplan 2014 videos for behavioral science, psychiatry, and biostatistics for the last couple of weeks of our first preparation. They were okay but definitely not enough, especially for international medical students who barely study these topics. We went through UW questions, and they were pretty tough, we didn’t have the right framework for answering the questions correctly. That‟s why in our second time of studying, we read the 100 cases in medical ethics by the amazing Conrad Fischer. It took us one day to finish, which was the day of the Classico. It‟s a very well written book and very easy to understand. So these were the first 3 months, give or take a few days. At this time, I took NBME 13. I always liked to challenge myself and see how I‟m progressing. My friend didn’t like to do that, so it really depends on what you prefer. I got 17 questions incorrect, but some of the questions were missing. Do not multiply the number of correct questions by 1.3 or 1.4, this really doesn’t help you predict your score. Just know how many questions you got incorrect and learn from your mistakes. The only way to find out is to take an online NBME or to find someone who took the same NBME online and got the same amount mistakes as you did. From around the 10th of November until the 7th of December, it was time to go through FA from cover to cover one time. Two pieces of advice that I would like to give you here because I noticed them after we were done with the FA. The first one is NEVER EVER leave UW questions or any other questions for a long period. You really lose your sense of reading the questions fast and answering unknown questions to you correctly. The second piece of advice is to do Biochemistry then, for example, Cardiology and Endocrinology, then to go back to Microbiology and then do another 2 chapters from the second half of the book, and so on and so forth. This way you will not be bored by the dry material presented in biochemistry,microbiology, and immunology. During the same period, I watched some of the USMLERx  videos, which go through the FA book page by page. The new videos are excellent, and I highly recommend them. They were equivalent to Kaplan videos. Unfortunately, I didn’t have the time to watch all of them. After that, I took NBME 15 and got 250. I was relieved at that moment because I have already reached my target. On December 9th, we registered for the online UW for a couple of months along with the two self-assessments (which I highly recommend). UW took us 25 days to complete for the second time. During this period, we started taking one NBME each week, so that by the 5th of January,we have done 3 more NBMEs. For the following 2 weeks, my friend Kinana Abu-Rayyan convinced me to start doing NBMEs. Before that, I was planning only on taking 3 or 4 of them. But she has a great spirit. So we started doing 50-100 questions per night, and we would talk for two or even three hours to discuss every single question. At this point, NBME became a learningand not an assessment tool. NBME helps a lot with exposing you to difficult questions that you might have never heard of. It also makes you better at guessing the right answer, even when you have no clue how to get to it. We also did UWorld Self-Assessment (UWSA) 1 and 2 at three weeks and two weeks before the exam respectively. My scores were 274 and 269, and I was on the 96th and 92 nd percentile in each UWSA. I did not care much about the number, but the percentile gave me some reassurance.  My friend and I traveled to Jordan to take the test in Amman on the 30th of January. Our scheduled test was supposed to be on the 1 st of February. On the night before the exam, I didn’t sleep well – I was too nervous. I woke up and got ready for the test. I arrived at the center 45 minutes earlier. This is where I had my bad experience. The people at the center tried to log me in at around 8 am, but the system got stuck, so I had to wait for a whole hour to fix the problem. Then, they tried to log me in again at 9 am, and it didn’t work. All examinees were already in except for me. At 10.20, they came to me and asked me if I want to reschedule my test for another day. I told them “No”, I mean I wanted to be free at the end of the day and just relax. So they tried to log me in another couple of times and didn’t work for reasons that I still don’t know. At 11.40, they told me that, if I want, they can get me another test in 15 minutes. This time I refused, I was so tired of waiting, I had tachycardia for most of the time outside and I vomited once. So, I decided not to take the test, go back home and reschedule for the next week. I was depressed for the following three days. I was sleeping for 12 hours at times! My friendstayed with me for that period. I reviewed a little bit of biochemistry and microbiology two days before my rescheduled test. I made sure that I would not get disturbed at that night. I went to bed at 9 and had a wonderful night sleep. I woke up in the morning refreshed. I packed my snacks and kept on my pajamas, and I headed to the center and hoped not to experience what I experienced 5 days ago. I was not stressed for the second time as the first time. As soon as I began the test, I felt I was back home answering UW questions. The questions were more like UWSA than NBME, and they were long. I didn’t have any problem with time management. I always had at least 15 minutes left to go over questions I flagged. I was able to revise two complete blocks during the test. I decided to take a break after the first two blocks, then the second two blocks, and then after each block till the end of the exam. When I was on break, I was staring outside the windows and smiling :) because first I know that I’m going home today with that burden off my back, and second, the questions I got weren’t extraterrestrial. I got 7-8 questions per block which were difficult and 2-3 which were really challenging.   Materials used during preparation   Pathology  Pathoma once, UW and FA … and no, I didn’t read Goljan or Robbins Biochemistry Kaplan videos 2014, UW and FA Pharmacology Kaplan videos 2014, first 3 chapters of Kaplan book, UW, and FA Physiology BRS physiology, UW, and FA Microbiology & immunology UW and FA Anatomy Kaplan videos 2014, UW and FA Behavioral science and biostatistics Kaplan videos 2014, 100 cases of ethics, UW and FA National Board Medical Examinations (NBMEs) NBME 1 → 14 incorrect questions NBME 4 → 10 incorrect questions NBME 5 → 12 incorrect questions NBME 6 → 10 incorrect questions NBME 7 → 17 incorrect questions (9 mistakes in the last block, I was very tired at that moment) NBME 11 → 15 incorrect questions NBME 12 → 16 incorrect questions NBME 13 → 6 incorrect questions NBME 15 → 15 incorrect questions NBME 16 → 12 incorrect questions NBME 17 → 13 incorrect questions NBME 18 → 15 incorrect questions, which corresponds to 261 … it was the closest to the real exam and I recommend that you take it last and online. UWorld Self-Assessments For the UW self-assessments, I felt like the exam was more similar to these than the NBMEs as Ihave stated earlier. When I took these UWSAs, I always woke up early, made myself breakfast and a cup of tea, and tried to simulate the real exam as much as possible. UWSA 1 → 274 (96th percentile) UWSA 2 → 269 (92nd percentile) Finally, I would love to take the chance to thank my family, and my friends especially the ones who took the exam in the same time – Mohammad Adawi (259) and Kinana Abu-Rayyan (257) for supporting me all the way through. And for you, my friends, I wish you all the best of luck on your preparations and on your tests.   Author Amjad Elmashala   Acknowledgements This article was first published on USMLE Step 1 Preparation Forum (a Facebook group). It was republished here with permission from the author.   Write an Article Today Knowledge grows when shared…share some today. It’s easier than you think by Amjad Elmashala PREVIOUS ARTICLE Hallpike Maneuver and Epley Maneuver – Don’t Confuse NEXT ARTICLE My Journey to Score 244 2 Comments Comment 1  Bipin May 7, 2017 at 21:47  Thank you for sharing your experiences Comment 2  Rupert Green May 8, 2017 at 12:44  Congratulations Amjad.
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jaskaranparmar · 8 years ago
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My life.
I talk a lot about how I had some issues in my life growing up and how these issues might have shaped me into the person I am today. It has caused me to develop anxiety and probably some sort of attachment problems, but I’ve never verbally explained what kind of issues they could be or what they were. I have been talking to my counsellor about it, but never to anyone else. I don’t know if any of these events caused anything, but I always remember these very dark times growing up and maybe once I write them out I can overcome them.
Growing up was never terrible, it’s not as we lived in the streets but when I was ages 1-4 I spent a lot of time with my grandma #1 (dad’s mom) because my mom worked 2-3 jobs. Her schedule involved her waking up at 4 am making food for everyone then starting work from 6am-2pm then coming home from 2 pm - 3 pm to make lunch before starting the second job from 4pm-12am. She would then come home and repeat this every day. It was like that for years and because of this, I hardly saw her. My grandma did not like my mom and made sure she took me to the park or outside somewhere between 2-5pm so I would not see my mom in the few hours she would be home. She then would force me to sleep next to her in the evenings so I wasn’t able to spend the night with my mom either. As someone who is 1-4 years old, this was pretty upsetting. I don’t remember specific details since I was very young, but I do remember the general idea of what the atmosphere was like.
Then at age four, my dad decided to walk out and tried to leave by 11 pm so my mom would come home to a house with nothing in it. No food, no furniture, and also ensuring the joint bank account was at $0. Right before 11, I remember my dad getting in the moving truck to go back to pick up a few things and me running after it since I knew my mom was coming home soon. I remember there being lots of flashing cop lights since my mom had no idea what was happening and sleeping that night on the floor with her hungry. Seeing her cry herself to sleep because we had nothing. She was four months pregnant with my sister at the time and her telling me if it wasn’t for me and my sister she would have ended her life. Fast forward to when I was 6-10 years old since we were a single-parent home, my mom would usually work a lot and I would walk home with my sister after school.
My grandma #2 (mom’s mom) would watch us and me and my sister usually spent after school watching tv or playing on our driveway since my grandma was really old and couldn’t move much. I would see my grandpa (mom’s dad) walking around the house and taking care of his wife. When he would go on walks around the block, I would follow him around picking leafs off trees to leave a trail in case my mom came home and we weren’t there. I knew she wouldn’t come home yet and nor would she understand what a few leaves on the ground would mean. But that attachment frightened me and by leaving leaves, it gave me some sort of comfort. Some nights after my sister had gone to sleep, I felt so uncomfortable because I had nightmares of my mom also walking out and it would take me hours falling asleep. This attachment grew stronger and I never knew why. Maybe because I did not see her when I was very young? Or a parent walking out? I don’t know. I made sure to call her during her break and hearing her voice would make me feel better. This was clearly a problem that no one noticed. I don’t know what it was.. even when I would sleep over at my cousin’s house, to this day they make fun of me, my sister would go for 1-2 weeks in the summer and I could not last 2 days. I felt uncomfortable being away from home. It was weird because this lasted until I got into grade 9, after that it stopped.
I was okay if I didn’t talk to her or see her and it did not bother me. In elementary and high school, I never had very many friends. I was always nice to people and always seemed welcoming, but I was often shy and quiet. I did not want to be the center of attention and kept very reserved. I guess this may have been the cause, but I did always try with each person. I had some elementary school friends and made a few high school ones. Other times when I would see my mom in the evening and if she had a bad day, she would always be upset and would tell me it was because of me. She left the house seeing me last and whenever that happens, she has a bad day. It gave me the impression that I was ugly or my face was the sign of bad luck. Over time I started believing it, whenever I would leave my house I would make sure my reflection wasn’t something I looked at. I’m sure my mom did not mean anything by it and if I ask her today she would probably deny ever saying that. Whenever I would have a fight with my mom, she would leave the house. She would say she’s leaving for good and never coming back since we are always mean to her then leave for hours at a time. I don’t know why she did that nor where she went. Being very young and my baby sister who was probably 8ish at the time asking me where mom is, and I just felt this constant pressure to pretend she will be home any minute.
I didn’t know if she was going to come back. When I think about it now, it seems like she would have to come back, but in the moment it was bad. She would scream and hit the wall, cry and just leave. Sometimes leaving her phone at home and we would just sit there hoping she comes back. When I write everything out I feel as my mom was a lot of the reasons behind the problems. But maybe life at the time made her into what she was. When I was 10 years old, my mom remarried. When I was four and the cops were everywhere, this lady that lived next door came over. She came over to see what happened and would often come see my mom. Not for anything but just to ask if she was okay and bring us food sometimes. My mom never really understood why she was so concerned because we never talked to her before. One day years later, when she came over to my grandparent’s house, she asked my mom to remarry. She explained how my sister and I are very young and it’s difficult to live on your own. My mom argued then and she still argues to this day that she told her, she is happy where she is. She explained how she has her kids and that’s all she needs. The lady had a brother in India that she wanted to bring to Canada and my mom was a Canadian citizen. If the wedding happened, he would be allowed to come and support our small family. He’s caring and loving and will treat my mom right.
My grandparents agreed with the lady and the wedding was set. It was in grade 5 and I remember my mom saying she was leaving for India for 2 weeks. I later found out it was for a month and you can imagine how I felt. I was mad. He eventually came to Canada and this lasted maybe 2-3 years, I don’t remember the details. I witnessed this guy force my mom to buy him alcohol every day only to get completely drunk and pass out in the living room. She would then have to get him up and put him to bed each night. Other times he would wake up in the middle of the night and because he would have no idea where he is, he would go to the bathroom and start to pee or throw up in the hallway to which my mom would have to deal with or run to push him in the bathroom. I witnessed her getting beat if she ever spoke out against him or yelled at for the smallest things. When my mom went to the original lady for assistance, her response was well it’s your husband, you have to deal with it. No one helped my mom and I saw her suffering and I felt hopeless. She was mean to me sometimes and probably caused some of the issues I go through today but she was still my mom. I won’t go into how I and my sister were treated but at ten years old there was nothing I could do.
By age 12, he would make jokes about how he wants to go to India and get a different wife because my mom wasn’t pretty. I believe at the end of that year he left and never came home. We tried to search for him and he called a few weeks later saying his motive was to come to Canada and he’s done now. My mom felt relieved as did I, but she also felt sad that this happened. She was against this from the beginning and where was everyone now. My grandparents passed away and left her to deal with this. I say that as I am blaming them but were they really doing something wrong? They were in their late 70s and there was a chance their daughter could be happy and they took it. All of these nightmares growing up caused me to be very cautious of how I want to be.
There was no support. I never felt I could do anything stupid in my teen years because I had to take care of my mom and sister. On the weekends, I would help my mom count her paycheques to see if she had enough money for bills and if we were good. Again, it was never like we may end up on the streets but there was always this pressure on me and forced me to take extra care of my sister because I didn’t want her to think we had any problems. Maybe that’s why she is grown up into this mature normal adult and I had to go through all these random issues.
There was no one to lean on and each day was a struggle.  I never had anyone tell me everything is going to be okay or listen to any problems that I went through. I never sat down to think about all the problems I had to go through and what effects it left on me. I never dwelled on the past nor did I ever think about it because it was in the past.
Eventually, I met this girl and I fell in love. She made life perfect and whatever happened in the past seemed worth it. It had brought me to her and I wanted to get better. Obviously, this was a wrong mindset because I can't be expecting someone else to fix my own problems. It's never something I expected from them, but I could feel myself becoming better naturally. It changed my outlook on what life was supposed to be compared to how I always thought about it. It helped me to understand what kind of future I want to have.
After 7 years we broke up and it was the hardest thing I ever had to face. I wanted to push her to be the best version of herself and motivate her each day. She always did so much for me and for a long time I blamed myself for what happened. I felt like I didn’t try as hard or should have done things differently. I did make really stupid mistakes and probably made her cry just as much as she made me. But it was our first relationship and we were learning. We never fought and growing up together helped. We had issues that we kept putting off and one day shit hit the fan. I do miss her sometimes but I wish her nothing but the best because I know she is going to be so successful and I’ll always be proud of her.
I hope any of this does not make anyone think too negatively of me or my family. I never told anyone some of the things mentioned. I don’t mean to complain or give excuses but instead, explain my thought process. Just life experiences I had to go through and I would like to say I am good but issues come and go. Just something I have to be actively on top of sometimes.
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canaryatlaw · 6 years ago
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alright, well today didn’t exactly go as planned, but was still an overall good day. My alarm went off at 10:30, I got up and showered, then got dressed and Jess and I headed out to my first doctor’s appointment of the day. The two doctor’s appointments I had today was the original purpose of the trip (and to placate my family about the fact that I’m not coming back to some degree). We stopped for bagels, because New York, and it’s mandatory to have bagels at least once while you’re here. From there we kept driving since this doctor is pretty much an hour’s drive from my house. This was my pulmonologist who has been with me through the ups and downs of my lungs hating me since 2013 lol. I was especially grateful to him today because in May when I woke up hacking my lungs up, I was able to get in touch with the on-call doctor (it was a Saturday) who prescribed me the medicine I needed and I got it two hours later, and by 24 hours I was totally back to normal. Now compare that to what happened last year when I couldn’t reach him and I suffered through 4 days of misery coughing, and having to do my trial advocacy final trial (which was a legit full trial) with my brain totally clouded by cough syrup fog, to the point where I was like, questioning if my surroundings were real lol it was BAD. so after that nightmare I was soooooo happy it worked out so much better this time, because I never want to deal with that again. So we drive there and park, then take the somewhat sketchy elevator up to his office. Got called in pretty quickly cuz they’re good like that, did the whole breathing test I’ve done at least 100 times by now (like that is not an exaggeration at all, it’s definitely been at least 100 times) which always leaves my lungs hurting but also always shows they’re functioning at very high levels (which is, objectively, a good thing, but can also be frustrating when I’m having an issue but the test says everything is great). Doctor comes in a minute later and did some stethescope stuff, then we went into his office and just went over everything, as he seems to be of the opinion that it’s all somewhat related, so we talked about sleep and studying for the bar and acid reflux and all that stuff. His daughter is also currently studying for the bar so he gets what that’s like lol. He kept being like “you’re getting enough sleep right?” and I was like 😂😂😂, oh yes, I definitely am lol. So he called in the one prescription I have from him and we made an appointment for six months out (so January). From there we headed out, we encountered a bit of traffic so it took a while but we were home at like 2. From there we just relaxed for a bit, talking to my sister in our room and just having fun. I looked at train schedules only to discover the two main train lines had a massive gap between 4 and 7 pm, presumably because of the massive amount of trains coming east during that time, but like, that totally screwed us over, so I mapped out and planned to drive to a station a bit further away but that had more options time wise and I thought should work. We then headed out to doctor’s appointment number 2 with my psychiatrist, and then planning to go to Anastasia in the city. So we got in the car and made a quick pit stop at Target to grab the prescription my pulmonlogist had called in for me earlier, and then made our way to my psychiatrist’s office. I really like him so much. He’s been in the process of retiring for a while now but has agreed to still see me until I can get settled with someone else (assumedly in Illinois) and I appreciate that very much. Got called in pretty quickly and had some conversation with him, he wanted to know about bar stress and all that, and I told him that while the bar studying is stressful, when I’m not considering the external factors like that I am still very much enjoying my life, so that was good. We didn’t make any changes to my meds, but we talked about the tremor issue. He seemed doubtful that it was actually caused by the medication that had the listed side effect of tremors, but said that after the bar (because we didn’t want to mess with it beforehand, obviously) I can try going off that med for a bit and see if it helps, but I should probably consult a neurologist regardless which is like 🙄🙄🙄 I really don’t need another doctor in my life at the moment lol. But I’ll probably talk to the primary care doctor I have in IL about it and see if I can get a good reference, it’s easy when I keep it all in the Northwestern Medicine system, so the info can be shared easily as needed. As we were leaving I checked my email quickly and saw I had one from the ticketing site I got the Anastasia tickets from, which stated the performance was at 7, not 8 as I expected. Well, fuck. I looked at the train times and if we made it to the 5:13 train we could get there at like 6:25 and be in decent shape, so we did our best to dash out of there and speed to the train station, but we were thwarted by traffic and it soon became clear there was no way we were going to make it in time, and the next train didn’t get in till 6:54, so clearly that wouldn’t work. We tried looking any other station that could work but didn’t find anything. So we pulled over for a minute and tried to figure out what to do next, and I was like well, I guess we have to drive then 😐😐😐 which I was not excited about but I would do my best. So we plugged in the address of the theatre into the GPS and got going. Again, doing our best to make good time, but traffic was slow in many places, and when it said we had about 24 miles to go but the ETA was putting us there at 7:01, more than an hour from the current time, we agreed this wasn’t worth the stress because I was high key freaking out about driving in Manhattan, and we should just cut our losses and head back home, so that’s what we did. Jess was getting really bad motion sickness at this point so we got off on an exit and found our way to a parking lot, so she could breathe and calm down for a bit without moving, and then went to the pizzeria that was right there because one cause of her feeling sick was that we hadn’t eaten yet (the plan was to stop between the doctors appointment and going to the train, but we of course had to ditch that plan). So we sat down and ordered some food, we got cheesy garlic bread (because of course) and ended up getting the baked ziti pizza, which, yes, is pasta on top of pizza and smothered in cheese, and oh man, it was very good. So we ate our pasta pizza and then determined we were too full to stop for ice cream (sad life, I know) so we headed home. When we arrived most everyone was just chilling, and of course my parents wanted us to chill with them since we’re leaving tomorrow morning. So we all got into the den and did our various activities while talking. My older brother was being a giant pain in the ass tonight, which isn’t anything surprising as he is often doing that, but it’s still fucking annoying. He’s just like, such an asshole, I can’t take it. He’s an emotionally abusive sexist power hungry asshole, and it’s like there’s nothing I can do that he won’t find a way to make fun of me for and like, even with the small stupid shit, I mostly don’t care anymore but it hits something in me that has been there from being treated like that for all these years, and I once again got confirmation that there is no way I could ever move back into any arrangement that involved me living here on any basis other than like a few weeks, at most. And of course my parents do nothing because they never do anything and were completely ineffective in stopping my brothers from torturing me for years to the point where I became suicidal as an 11 year old. There’s just too much there, and I can’t deal with it when the jerks would never admit they did anything wrong because they truly believe that they haven’t, and none of this could ever be their fault, it was obviously because of because I’m stupid and broken and messed up. I tried to stop myself from getting too upset but I can only do so much. There’s also this whole situation going on at my dad’s office with the girls who work for him who apparently ganged up on another girl working there and got her to quit, so my dad’s been all mad about it and the three of them (two brothers and dad) are talking about it and they’re saying all kinds of misogynistic bullshit and when my brothers left I was just like uh you better not be listening to anything they said because they’re full of shit, and he said he knows but he’s always the “softie” boss and bringing my older brother in will scare them, and I’m like yeah but not because he’s a good leader, it’s because he’s an asshole and you’re likely going to have them all quit if you do that because he’s incredibly condescending and just flat out rude and is totally power hungry. Idk, we’ll see what happens with that. After that we headed upstairs since we need to be up early for our flight tomorrow (as I type this at 11:45 pm) and ended up talking to my sister and her friends for a while before actually getting ready for bed, and then I started writing this and here we are. I still feel like shit, and I hate that I feel like shit, I hate that stupid stuff can get to me like that but it just slices right through the old healing scars from childhood and reopens the old wounds just as fiercely as they were first made. But then I also doubt myself, thinking but other people had it worse, you’re probably exaggerating and want attention...and like all of this is playing out in my brain while all of this is happened. I could probably write more about it now, but it’s late and I’m mad tired so I’m going to call it a night instead, I may opine on it further tomorrow, we’ll see. Goodnight everyobe. Thank you all for following me and providing encouragement, it’s much appreciated. ❤️
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steelehomestead · 7 years ago
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The last few days we have been preparing for the trip back to Florida to close up some loose ends. Dad and I have been working the whole week to prepare the house before leaving.  Luckily, My wonderful neighbors are checking on my place daily.
I decided to fly back on the red eye in Anchorage and Dad wanted to drive back with Gandie and Suzy.  Me and Taco flew Alaska Airlines.  Which by the way, is the best airlines I have ever flown.  If you are going to fly in strong winds, snow, ice, etc. they are your airlines.  I sprung a little extra for a premium seat which means I get more leg room and I get to board the plane sooner, right after first class and military.  Not only do I get those perks, but I get free alcohol to drink!  For someone who hasn’t flown on an airplane since 2005 and extremely nervous a vodka ginger or two made a real difference from starting off thinking we are all going to die a cold, snowy, fiery death to calm laughing and enjoying my airbus ride with a nice older gentlemen that kept my mind off of dying.  Inflight snack was a cute little box of organic goodies that consists of a fig cake, gummy bears, almonds.  Of course, I swallowed it down with a few vodka gingers.  I was feeling good about flying at this point.  This entire time Taco was sitting in my lap sleeping.  He was very nervous and wouldn’t drink water or eat a treat but stayed calm the whole way.
When we landed in Portland, Taco walked off the plane like a pro.  We walked to the dog restroom to see if he needed to go.  No go.  He smelled all the dogs that peed there and he just couldn’t do it.  I felt so bad for him.  So, we walked to our next gate and hung out the 50 minutes until we were able to board.  We boarded and took our seat.  Still having a bit of a buzz, I was ready for the next leg of the flight.  This time I was able to order food.  First I got my little box of organic snacks and a double vodka.  Then a bit later food was served and I ordered the cheese and fruit platter.  It was really good!  I ate every bit of it. Still, Taco wouldn’t eat even when offering him some apple and cheese.  Two things he would normally eat in a heartbeat.
Bathroom breaks on an airplane with Taco are interesting.  If you could picture it, I am holding Taco like a baby being burped and walking to the head.  So, then I have to put Taco down in this tiny coffin sized room just to go potty.  Then, flush (which scares Taco), wash hands, pick up Taco and walk back to our seat, get comfortable and seat belt.  All this time my phone isn’t updating due to the fact that I have no service.  I have no idea where we were and how much longer.  The men that I was sandwiched in the middle of didn’t want to be bothered so I felt that I was trapped by the unknown.  So I finished my drink and tried to take a nap.  Just about that time we started our decent into Orlando.  Thank God!
What I am guessing is about 45 minutes before we landed.  Then, touchdown!  I text my beat friend Tammy and she told me to text her when I get my luggage.  So, I hight tail it to the tram, get on, get off, and race down the escalator to the baggage claim.  About 5 minutes later luggage is starting coming out in the conveyor belt.  I see mine and run and get it.  Then I text Tammy and she is on her way from the cell lot.  Taco and I jump into the vehicle with the help of Tammy and we were off to Suwannee County!
Taco was still freaked out and took a well needed calm nap in the back seat and I was slowly fading.  My body was aching from all the stress of flying and sitting for so long.  It was so nice to get back to the hood.  Taco just was happy to be free from a leash and me.  He was able to run around and finally go to the bathroom.  It was like he had to pee forever.  When we finally went inside he was just a little shell of himself.  He wouldn’t eat anything and just wanting to sleep.  A little later we went to our friend Jan’s house to see the gang.  It was so great to see everyone!
We got back to the house and I laid in bed watching a show on my iPad and I was falling asleep dropping the iPad on my chest.  It was 9:30 pm Florida time.  I was sleeping good when I received a phone call that woke me up too abruptly.  I was disoriented and didn’t know where I was and what time it could be.  I had an older washing machine for free on Craigslist and it was a woman calling about it.  I’m still on Alaska time but hadn’t slept for 24 hours so I could’t speak or think.  I told here to text me her name and I would get back with her when I woke up on Florida time.  I was so disoriented that threw the covers and pillows off the bed trying to figure out where I was.  Now after the fact it’s pretty funny.
Yesterday, Tammy and I went to town to run some errands.  I needed to go to Walmart for some things, we ate blacked fish tacos at Beef o Brady’s then to the liquor store, and last Publix.  I forgot how inexpensive food is here I looked like a tourist in my old town.  As we marked things off our list it started raining and the temperature went from 77 to 53 by the time we got back to the house.  We got home around 5 pm and took it easy.  Tammy said I brought the weather with me when I left Alaska.  I wasn’t feeling like going to bed since I am still 4 hours behind on Alaska time.  Tammy wanted to stay up with me and so she did.  This morning she is suffering from lack of sleep.  Me on the other had a full nights sleep on my Alaska time schedule.  Went to bed at 2 am Florida/10 pm Alaska and woke up at 12 pm Florida/8 am Alaska.  Tonight I am taking two benedryls and call it a night by 10 pm Florida.  We have a lot to do tomorrow.  We have to go back into town for a few more errands and I need to go by the rental house and check on it.  We want to get it all done in the morning and then prepare for more guests for this weekend.
Tonight we had homemade soup that Tammy made it’s called Tammy’s Take on Pasta Fagioli with kale, zucchini and Italian sausage and lots of garlic bread.  Yummy!
Meanwhile, Dad is working his way down from Alaska on the ALCAN.  He was currently spotted he was spotted last in Watson Lake, Yukon about an hour ago.  He just might make it to British Columbia today.  If you see Dad driving Spike and a 28 foot white empty enclosed trailer,  give him a wave and say hi.  He is slow and steady and should be out of Canada in a few days.
Well, good night everyone.  I will try to do better about posting.
Somewhere on the way to Orlando
Taco before the airplane
Leaving on a Jet Plane The last few days we have been preparing for the trip back to Florida to close up some loose ends.
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