#my relationship with my own body is so weird but one day I’ll be happy x

[unreliablesnake]

Simon says (Simon Riley x reader)

Summary: Simon doesn’t want to let you be alone when you’re drunk, so you end up at his place. After he wakes up, the two of you play a little Simon says.

Note: That little snippet became pretty popular. Thanks, guys, here’s the whole thing. / If you want to know when I post new stuff, follow @unreliablesnakefics and hit the get notifications button.

Warnings: smut. afab reader. minors dni!!!

“You suck!” you slurred once you grabbed Simon’s shoulder to steady yourself.

He only let out a sigh and rolled his eyes. Things hadn’t been the best since the breakup, but he wasn’t about to leave you here on your own when you were this drunk. So he wrapped an arm around your body to keep you up straight, then began to walk towards his car.

Through the whole ride he was begging the universe not to make you throw up in the passenger seat, but you were a clever girl and knew when to make him stop the car so you would empty your stomach onto the street. He put his hand on your back, trying to calm you with a circular motion since you were cursing under your breath.

When you closed the door and signaled him it was okay to move again, Simon hesitated. “You okay?” he asked kindly. When you nodded in response, he let out a sigh and leaned his head against the headrest. “I’m not letting you stay alone tonight. Wouldn’t want you to choke on your own vomit. You’re staying at my place, okay? I’ll take the couch.”

“I’m fine,” you tried weakly before raising a hand and opening the door again for another round of vomiting. You didn’t see Simon roll his eyes at you, for which he was grateful, but he was glad to see a change in your behavior when you sat back. “Fine, let’s go.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“You okay now?”

“Yeah.”

Simon’s lips curled into a smile as he watched you. “Can you say anything else?” he asked as he swept a strand of hair out of your face.

You made a face and he couldn’t help but laugh at it. Instead of making a comment about how weird you were whenever you got drunk, he started the car and began to drive to his place. You dozed off halfway there, and he listened to the quiet snoring as if that was the most adorable sound in the world.

Because in a way it was. When you were sober, you pushed him away. Now that you were drunk, you didn’t. He preferred this setup, he missed you every day, and keeping his distance was incredibly hard. He wanted to respect your decision to end the relationship, but despite your best effort to keep him at arm’s length, he was always drawn to you.

When he parked the car, you were still sleeping, so he decided to carry you inside instead of waking you up. You had changed your perfume. He remembered the scent of the usual one you wore when you went out, but this was certainly different. Simon didn’t like it that much, but he wondered if it was only because it told him you felt like it was time for a change after the breakup.

He took you to his bedroom, cautiously placing you on the bed then leaving a soft kiss on your forehead. “Sleep tight, love. I’ll be outside if you need me,” he said quietly.

“Can you stay with me?” you mumbled in your sleep.

At first he thought he hadn’t heard you right, that he was just imagining things, but then you repeated it. Simon smiled to himself before lying down on the empty side of the bed next to you, an arm protectively wrapping around you immediately. You moved a little to be closer to him, your eyes still closed as you slept.

Eventually Simon fell asleep too, but his dream wasn’t free of you. He couldn’t stop thinking about what you might need to give him another chance. A friend’s advice? A big romantic gesture? Whatever it was, he was more than happy to give it to you.

In the early morning, before the sun came up, he woke up to you resting your head on his chest, while your arm was wrapped around his body. When he tried to peel you off gently, you just tightened your grip on him. “Stay,” you asked him. How could he say no to that? So he kissed your head and watched you sleeping comfortably, but he was soon reminded that you were slowly waking up. “Creep,” you noted with the hint of a smile.

Letting out a quiet chuckle, Simon raised your hand and placed a kiss on its back. “You should make up your mind. One moment you want me to stay, the next you call me a creep,” he scolded you.

“Why did I let you go?” you suddenly asked, your chin now on his chest so you could look him in the eye.

“That’s something only you can answer. You never really gave me an explanation,” Simon pointed out.

You let out a sigh. He could tell you were thinking hard about the reason, but couldn’t really find what it was. Before speaking up again, you kissed his chest and tightened your grip around his body. “I was an idiot.”

Simon had to bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from agreeing, too afraid a comment like that would push you away again. When he felt your hand slowly moving down his body, heading straight under his sweatpants, he couldn’t help but wonder if he should let you do this. He didn’t want to cross a line, he didn’t want to use you in any way, even if it was you who made a move on him.

“What are you doing?” he asked hoarsely. As you reached into his pants and grabbed his semi-erect cock, Simon gulped. God, he wanted you so badly, it was torture. But he needed to know if you meant it, so he said the first thing that came to his mind. “Let’s play ‘Simon says’, love. How does that sound? Just like in the old days.”

“But you’re so mean when we play that,” you said with a pout when he pulled your hand away from his pants.

“Simon says kiss me,” he began with a smirk.

With a short giggle you did as you were told, giving him a slow, sensual kiss that he missed so much. Simon put his hand on the back of your neck, eventually slipping his fingers into your hair to grab a fistful of it. You moaned into his mouth, but never broke the kiss. He loved that; he loved it when you acted like a little kitten, sounding almost like you were purring while you kissed him.

After he kissed the tip of your nose, he looked you in the eye and waited to see if you wanted to say anything. But you knew the rules. No talking while you played this game. “Good girl.” He swept a strand of hair behind your ear, then said, “Simon says slowly take your clothes off.”

A small, wicked smirk crept on your lips as you stood up on the bed and sensually began to shake your hips, as if you were swaying to a song only you could hear. He sat up and leaned his head against the wall while he watched you slowly take your shirt off. You threw it away and reached back to unclip your bra, but instead of quickly removing it, you cupped your breasts and pushed them together for a moment.

Simon couldn’t behave, and he flashed a smile at you before he groped his cock through his pants. You pouted, clearly unhappy that he didn’t want you to help him with that. But he wasn’t about to let you handle it, instead he motioned you to finally get rid of that bra. Being the good girl you were, you did just that, and then moved on to your jeans which you unbuttoned and slowly pushed off of yourself along with your panties.

He drew in a sharp breath. “I wanted to take those panties off of you,” he complained, earning a surprised look from you. “It’s okay, I didn’t tell you. Come here, baby.” He opened his arms, but you didn’t move. “Look at my vigilant girl,” he laughed. “Simon says help me out of my pants.”

This time you moved and got his sweatpants off. Simon could tell drool was already pooling in your mouth as you watched his now fully erect cock fall on his stomach. You had always been like that, clearly nothing changed in the past few months. You kneeled next to him on the bed, sitting on your heels with your hands resting on your thighs. Weren’t you an obedient little girl for him?

“Simon says answer me this. Are you one hundred percent sure you want this?” You gulped and nodded. You looked certain and sober, so he gave himself the green light to go on. “Simon says give me a blowjob,” he finally gave you the order.

Your face lit up like a Christmas tree, and you lowered your body to run your tongue along his shaft. His cock twitched in your hand, his excitement slowly getting the best of him. When he felt your soft lips around the head, he tangled his fingers into the hair on the back of your head and followed your movements without being too rough with you. There will be a moment when he can push you down on his cock, but now he just wanted you to get used to his size again.

You took him in your mouth, trying to take more and more in, while your hand twisted and turned around the base as you gently began pumping. He could see the satisfied little smile on your lips when he let out a deep moan and you let his cock fall out of your mouth with a loud pop.

He enjoyed it more than ever before. Maybe it was the months that had passed since the last time you’ve been together, but it was heavenly to have you like this again. He gently smacked your ass which drew a moan out of you. It wasn’t enough to stop you though, because you picked up your pace and began to let the tip get closer and closer to the back of your throat.

“Fuck, sweetheart, you’re too good for me,” he said quietly, earning a side glance from you. “It’s okay, keep going.” He knew what was on your mind. You had always told him you were just right for him, that he shouldn’t belittle himself. He told you about his past before, so no wonder you became so protective of him. You’d always been like that; worrying more about others than yourself.

Simon was pulled back to reality when he heard you gag, but that sound only made him push your head down a little more. He knew he was close, he could feel the orgasm building up in his core, so he pulled you off his cock and told you to speed things up and don’t waste your town deepthroating him. Being the good girl you were, you followed his instructions and he soon came into your mouth. You swallowed every drop and then even licked him clean without being told to do so.

“C’mere, baby,” he told you, and you immediately moved over to kiss him. Simon let you, he took his time enjoying the kiss, but then you broke it and leaned back and put your hand in front of your mouth. “That’s right, you screwed up.”

“I’m sorry,” you whispered guiltily.

“It’s okay,” he began as he rubbed your back. “But that means playtime’s over. You know the rules.”

You threw your leg over his body to straddle him, his cock touching your ass as you leaned down to l. “Come on, Simon, I know you want this. Let’s see how fast you can make me come,” you purred in his ear before playfully biting his earlobe.

He just shook his head at this. “Maybe it’s better this way. I’m not entirely sure those few hours were enough for you to sober up.”

“Please,” you began to beg.

But he only laughed at this. “You still have your hands, love, if you’re really that desperate for an orgasm, you could just as well give me a show,” he suggested.

“Can I borrow your fingers?”

“No.”

“Then it’s not good enough,” you said with a pout before lying down next to him.

He pulled you closer and placed a soft kiss on your cheek. “I still love you. If you’re willing to give our relationship another chance, I promise I’ll make you come so many times you’ll be begging me to stop,” he told you, earning a stupid little giggle from you. “You don’t believe me?”

You turned on your side to look at him. “It’s the opposite. I vividly remember that happening before. So another chance, huh? Let’s see if you can do it again, big boy,” you said with a laugh.

[penkura]

knowing [5/8]

Summary: Sanji knew you were the one the moment he met you.

Pairing: Sanji x Reader

Warnings: None really. Normal One Piece stuff I guess.

Note: I love Dressrosa, Sanji got to go on a date lol. But obviously things are different here. ;) This one is also a little shorter, I wasn't sure what to do with this, but I'm fairly happy with it. Next week will be much longer! And on time I swear omg.

[Ch. 1] ● [Ch. 2] ● [Ch. 3] ● [Ch. 4]

With the events of Fishman Island behind you, arriving on Punk Hazard, you drew straws with everyone willing to venture to the burning side of the island, being one to join Luffy, Zoro, Robin, and Usopp to scope the place out. You promised Sanji you’d be fine, you’d stick by Zoro even thought Sanji didn’t like that either, he knew you trusted Zoro as much as you trusted him. You knew Sanji would be fine taking care of the rest of your crewmates, even when you make it to the frozen side of the island and see things have gone a bit awry, as your friends are now all swapped around thanks to one Warlord.

“Okay, okay,” you looked between the four as Usopp took out a notepad and pencil to keep things straight, “So, Franky is in Chopper’s body.”

“Super right, buddy!”

“And, Chopper is in Sanji’s body.”

Sanji, or, well, Chopper nodded, starting to cling onto you which felt weird even though it was your boyfriend’s body it was Chopper’s mind.

“Nami is in Franky’s body.”

Nami-Franky was nearly in tears, poor Nami crying over not being herself.

“And…” You looked over the to the last member of your crew, smiling when see they aren’t looking at you, “Sanji is in Nami’s body.”

Slight nod, you nearly laughed at the whole situation, while everyone was wondering how to fix it. You weren’t sure you knew the answer, but thought Trafalgar Law was your only way of getting the whole thing fixed.

You all take to just calling your swapped friends by their names, you taking a seat by Sanji and patting his back while he kept his head in his hand, not having fully looked at you since you showed up. Being in Nami’s body must’ve been a lot for him to take in, especially considering his relationship with you.

“We’ll get you back to normal, Sanji. It’ll be okay.”

He stayed quiet for several moments, before finally turning to give you a hug that you returned.

“It’s probably weird,” Sanji said while almost burrowing into your shoulder, “but I just need a minute, I’ll be fine…”

“I know, I know.”

It was a little weird, to hear his voice coming from Nami, but for the time being, you’d have to accept it. It wouldn’t change anything about your relationship, it was only temporary. Even when Sanji left with Zoro and Brook to go after the torso-less Kin’emon, you stayed with the rest of your crew, helping calm the withdrawal suffering and mostly giant children, as Luffy and Franky ran to save Nami from whoever snatched her thinking she was Franky.

Once Luffy and the others return, with Trafalgar Law at their side, and an alliance planned thanks to Luffy not stopping to ask anyone else. You were all for it, making Nami mostly yell at you after she was swapped into Sanji’s body.

Nami in Sanji’s body was even weirder than the other swaps, but it felt stranger when Nami hugged you as she cried over now being in your boyfriend’s body instead of her own. You looked over at Law, giving him a slight glare that he returned.

“What?”

“I kind of hate you right now.”

You were glad later that day when Law finally switched the two back. Sanji was so happy that the second he got the chance, he hugged you so tightly before running off to help Tashigi and the other Marines while you went on with Nami and the others to help Chopper stop the children from getting the spiked candy.

“I’m glad for you and Sanji,” Nami made a slight face that caused you to laugh, “But thank God I’m back in my body, I didn’t want you guys being weird while we were swapped.”

“Don’t worry, don’t worry!! All we did was hug!”

“Still weird.”

Robin smiled hearing your conversation and the near cackle you let out at Nami’s reaction.

Personally, she was just glad Franky wasn’t in Chopper’s body anymore.

+!+

“That little brat.”

“Sanji. He’s a child.”

“He knows what he’s doing.”

You fought back a laugh at the scowl on Sanji’s face while Momonosuke, one of the children you’d helped rescue from Punk Hazard with his father Kin’emon, slept on your lap. Of course, you knew the child had a bit of a bias towards women, whether because he didn’t have his mother or because of perverted reasons, you didn’t want to know really. You preferred to just view him like your little brothers, someone who needed some comfort and attention.

“He reminds me of my youngest brother,” You smiled a bit, watching Momonosuke while Sanji watched you still, “He was four when I left home, I felt awful cause he was crying and holding onto my leg so tightly…I almost stayed.”

“Yeah?”

Nodding, you looked over and gave Sanji a smile that he returned. “He was the baby before the new one my mom was pregnant with, we really thought he was going to be the last one.”

“There are nine of you now?”

“Yep.”

Sanji quietly nodded, turning back to his dinner prep and trying to decide if he should say something else, before finally doing so.

“I’m…one of five.”

“…really?”

“Mm,” Sanji knew you were just watching his back, he was still trying to word things, that was the second thing he’d ever told you about his family, the first being his mother’s name, “I have one older sister…and three brothers, two older and one younger. My brothers and I were quadruplets.”

Your eyes widened and you had the sudden fear of having quadruplets yourself, before Sanji, who turned around to see your fear, quickly calming you down by saying his parents had help and there was no record of natural multiples of that many in his family line, you were safe. At the most you could have twins one day, but even that was rare.

Once Sanji had talked you down from running away with a million bunny trails, he sat beside you and watched Momonosuke sleep.

“I guess he’s kind of cute.”

“Kids are always cute when they sleep.”

The three of you are quiet for a bit, Sanji thinking of different things while watching you and Momonosuke. He wondered if you wanted to be a mom one day, do you actually want kids with him? He’d heard you and Nami talking about the kids from Punk Hazard, how you wanted to help them and the soft spot you both had for children. Having watched you the last couple days, on your trip to Dressrosa, as you spent time with Momonosuke and helped care for him, it made him want to have children with you so much sooner than you probably should or could.

Of course, he wanted to marry you first, but he had decided you would be a wonder mother one day, if that was what you wanted.

Luffy nearly broke into the kitchen a few moments later, shouting that you’d all arrived at Dressrosa, and it was time to get off the ship.

You had already been enlisted by Law to come with him to help hand over Caesar to Doflamingo, which Sanji didn’t particularly like as he was supposed to stay on Sunny with Nami, Chopper, Momonosuke, and Brook. While he trusted Law as an ally, the way you two seemed to be hanging out more and getting closer, it made Sanji a little jealous to see, but he was trying to push it aside after you’d forgiven him for his indiscretions with seeing the mermaids on Fishman Island.

He didn’t want to do anything to lose you.

+!+

"Hey, come with me, moss head."

Zoro didn't have a chance to argue with Sanji about going elsewhere before the blond pulled him into a store by his sleeve. He didn't even get to see what kind of shop he'd been dragged into, what if it was a place he didn't want to be? Once he did see it was a jewelry store, Zoro grumbled to himself about how stupid of a place this was for him to be, he didn't need anything more. His three earrings were more than enough. Why did Sanji even want to be here?

"Hey, what the hell are we doing here?"

"Shut up for a minute." Sanji growled out a bit, before turning back to the store clerk and handing the man a ring, asking to see anything in that size. Once the clerk brought over several rings that matched, Sanji started looking at them closely while Zoro watched him for a few minutes.

He finally had a thought about what Sanji was doing, but there was no way right?

He definitely wasn't doing what Zoro thought he was doing, despite his mumbling to himself about what was too gaudy or too ugly for you.

"What are you doing, curly brow?"

Stopping for a second, Sanji held a small ring in his hand before he looked at Zoro.

"I want to ask [Y/N] to marry me. I don't know when yet, but I want to do it soon."

He really was doing exactly what Zoro thought he was doing. Sanji was trying to choose an engagement ring for you. He'd probably only dragged Zoro into the shop with him so the swordsman wouldn't get lost, but the fact he even told Zoro what was doing was a surprise. You had gone with Law, Robin, and Usopp to hand off Caesar to Doflamingo if all went well, so there was no chance of you randomly walking in and finding out about this before he was ready to ask.

Sanji had known for a while that he wanted to marry you. If you all hadn't separated for two years, he believed he would have asked much sooner, but he also knew things would work out the way he hoped and planned either way. Whether he asked tomorrow or in another year, he felt certain you'd say yes. After watching you with Momonosuke since he and Kin’emon had joined you all, he knew his decision to ask you was going to be the right one, he knew you were going to be a great mother to whatever children you may have in the future.

Zoro was surprised Sanji hadn't asked you to marry him yet. He saw the gross, lovesick look the chef always gave when you were around him, the far off look in his eyes when he'd watch you spending time with someone else on the ship, and even the tiniest bit of visible jealousy as you spoke with Law about the plans he had for you all in Dressrosa. He knew you were the same way, lovesick looks when Sanji wasn't paying attention, you'd told Zoro many things that he didn't need or want to hear about how you loved the blond, and the way you'd be the first to offer to help clean and wash dishes after dinner.

There were even the few moments Zoro would catch you two on the deck, against the railing. Sanji would have an arm around you, leaning in to whisper whatever he had to say, which more often than not would make you blush and giggle a bit, doing the same to keep your conversation private. Zoro couldn't hear the likely gross, lovey-dovey  things you were saying to each other to elicit such reactions, and he didn't want or need to know.

If your relationship was out in the open for everyone to know about, Zoro could only imagine how gross you two would be.

"Surprised you haven't asked her yet."

"Yeah well," Sanji handed the ring he'd chosen to the clerk, who walked off to get it rang up while he took a drag from his cigarette, "Things have been moving so quickly lately we've barely had time alone as it is."

"You gonna ask her once this is done with?"

Taking the bag once he'd paid for the ring, Sanji shook his head while he and Zoro left the jewelry store. "No, I don't think so. I want to ask at the right moment."

"Better not make her wait forever," Zoro smirked a bit, but he knew Sanji wasn't going to take too much longer to pop the question to you, "Who knows, she might fall for Traffy if you do."

"Don't joke about that, you lame ass moss head!"

+!+

Dressrosa was freed in a day, you were glad when the birdcage came down and knew Luffy had taken down Doflamingo, finally. Your part was to help the townspeople after you worked with Robin and Usopp to stop Sugar’s Devil Fruit powers, having run off after your call with Luffy’s group and Sanji’s on the Sunny. Despite your concern for your friends, you were also worried for the regular people who had no part in the whole ordeal. Even with Marines around you tried to be sneaky, as a kunoichi should be, and slip around to help anyone who needed it, but especially the children that had been separated from their parents or other family members. Every moment and reunion made you miss your own parents and siblings, but also made you grateful to have the chance to make a difference in someone else’s life.

After your few days of rest in Kyros’ home and quick escape from the kingdom, you were glad to he back on a ship, even if it wasn’t the Sunny, returning to water made you even happier than you would’ve expected it to, even though it had only been a few days.

Much of your time during your trip to Zou was spent with Robin and Law, Zoro noticed. Or course you’d be near to Robin, she was like the big sister you never had, but Law was a surprise. He didn’t seem like the kind of person you’d be drawn to, let alone friends with, but maybe there was something else going on.

He was joking when be told Sanji you could go after Law if the blond tool too long to propose to you, it wasn’t a real thought in his mind at the time.

Eventually you tale a break from everyone and go to Zoro, sitting beside him and leaning into his arm, which makes him nod towards Law and Robin.

“What’s going on there?”

“Oh, I was just getting an idea of Traffy’s plan. He’s really got things all figured out.”

“Not what I meant.”

Tilting your head, you look back to them, before realizing what Zoro meant and feeling your face heat up.

“Oh. Oh! No, no, no, Zoro, nothing like that!”

“Look just cause the cook isn’t here and you’re still a secret doesn’t mean—”

“Zoro. Trust me. Law is cool and all that, but I’m not attracted to him. Sanji’s the only one for me.”

Zoro shrugged a bit, going back to his drink your interrupted him from. He does believe you, he’d been watching and the look in your eyes while you talked to Law, it wasn’t at all like the one you have when you look at Sanji. That look you have when you’re in love with someone, completely smitten and enthralled by them, you’ve only ever given that look to Sanji ever since you met.

“You’ll be back with your weird boyfriend soon.”

Giggling, you nod and close your eyes, just thinking about seeing Sanji again.

See you in Zou, Sanji.

[nvrsaidiwasinurcloset]

ok, sorry abt my last request i’ll be more specific

can you do ethan landry is best friends with readers brother? and they annoy eachother a lot?

and it ends it a smut pls :3

love your work sm!!

Hiiii! I hope you like it :)

Bad Idea Right? - Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

Ethan Landry x Fem!Reader

This contains SMUT- Minors DNI

Part 2

Summary: You hook up with your brother's irritating best friend.

A/N: If y'all want a part 2, let me know:)

You and your brother have a good sibling relationship, which you’re thankful for. The only issue you have is that his best friend, Ethan, is so incredibly annoying. They’ve been friends for the longest time, and they do everything together. When they both got into the same school, you weren’t surprised.

Ethan’s sort of became a part of the family. Your parents buy him Christmas presents; he comes on all the family vacations. It wasn’t a shocker when your brother wanted to come home to visit you for your birthday, that Ethan would be coming with him.

You’re the only one in your family that isn’t really close to him, which does feel weird from time to time. You’ll never forget the beach vacation when he chased you along the sand with a washed-up jellyfish, or when he was teasing you when you got your first crush, or when he went through a prank phase, and you were his target every single time.

As both boys arrived home to celebrate your birthday, you were excited to see them. Even though Ethan does annoy you, it’s been months since you’d seen them.

Your brother pulled you into a big hug as Ethan walked past you to say hello to your parents.

“Happy Birthday!” your brother said, you rolled your eyes.

“It was a month ago, dork,” you said, a playful tone in your voice.

“Sorry I couldn’t come home sooner. One of my classes this year has been brutal,” he said, as you nodded.

“Hi, Ethan!” you said sarcastically, as the curly-haired boy rolled his eyes when he faced you.

He looked like he was about to say something back, but he paused as he took in your appearance. You started to feel a little self-conscious, thinking you must’ve had a stain on your shirt or something, because he’s never looked at you like that. He’s usually just as annoyed with you as you are with him.

The next day, your brother told you he was throwing you a surprise birthday party.

“It’s not a surprise if you tell me, you know?” you said, “Plus it’s been a month. Why have a party now?”

“Because you only turn eighteen once,” he said, “And we always celebrate your birthday.”

“Okay, when is this surprise party for me, that I already know about?” you said with a giggle.

“That’s the part that’s surprising. It’s in 2 hours, you might want to get ready,” He laughed a little, looking at the sweatpants and big t-shirt you were wearing.

“Fuuuuck,” you whined, walking to the bathroom to jump in the shower.

After you got out of the shower, you stood on the mat reaching for your towel when the door opened.

“Oh shit, I’m so sorry,” Ethan said, closing the door.

“Fuck,” you whispered, wrapping the towel around your body.

You’d gotten used to having your own bathroom while your brother was away, so you didn’t even think to lock the door. You started to get a little embarrassed, now that your brother’s best friend has seen you naked.

Once you dried off and put your robe on, you walked to your room to change.

As Ethan watched you walk out of the bathroom from your brother’s room across the hall, he couldn’t get the image of your naked, wet body out of his mind. ‘Why the fuck am I thinking about her like this?’ he thought to himself, his cock half-hard in his pants.

“I’m going to go get the cake. You want to set out the drinks and stuff?” your brother asked Ethan.

“Uh, yeah. I guess I can do that,” he said, even though the idea of him being left alone with you made him a little nervous.

“Cool, I’ll be back soon,” he said, grabbing his keys.

After you got dressed, you walked to the kitchen to get something to drink. Ethan was putting chips in bowls at the counter as you struggled to reach around him to get a glass. You brushed up against him, and he felt his breath hitch in his throat.

You got some water before sitting down at the kitchen table. You wanted to say something to him about the bathroom incident, but you were scared to make the situation even more awkward. As you sat there, you just had to say something.

“Hey, Ethan?” you said. He turned his head to look at you. “I’m sorry I forgot to lock the door. I know seeing me naked was probably the last thing you wanted.”

You watched him, waiting for a response. His face started to turn red, as you giggled to yourself.

“It’s..uh…it’s okay,” he said, directing his attention back to the chips.

While he was turning back around and you saw him from the side for a split second, you could see that he was hard in the sweatpants he was wearing. Your eyes went wide and you started to blush as you realized the effect you had on him.

“I’m going to go change,” he said, before walking out of the kitchen and to your brother’s room.

After your brother got back and all your friends started to arrive, Ethan was struggling to take his eyes off you. You noticed his gaze as you danced with your friends to the music, a smirk playing on your lips when he quickly looked away. You thought he was hot, but he annoyed you so much that you never realized it until recently.

You kept noticing his stares as the party went on, so when it was time for the cake, you decided to tease him a little bit. You swiped your finger through the icing, before putting the icing in your mouth. Your eyes connected with Ethan as you sucked it off, his bottom lip going in between his teeth at your actions.

After the cake, you went to the kitchen to get another drink. Ethan was leaning against the counter by himself as your brother shamelessly flirted with one of your friends in the living room.

“Hey, you might piss me off, but thank you for being here,” your voice was sweet as you spoke to him.

“Can I ask you a question?” he asked, watching you sip your drink.

“What’s up?” you asked. He leaned closer to your ear so no one else could hear what he was saying to you.

“Are you intentionally trying to make me hard out there in front of everybody?” he asked, as his eyes scanned over your face. “I know you like to do things that embarrass me, so if you aren’t interested, please stop.”

You smiled at him, thinking back to all the things you’d done that were probably just as annoying as the stuff he’s done to you. But this was intentional. You wanted him to want you, and it’s obvious now that he does.

“Meet me in my room in five minutes,” you said, before walking away.

You scanned the living room to find your brother, still distracted from everything going on around him. You found your best friend, pulling her to the side.

“Hey, I’m going to disappear for a little bit. If anyone’s looking for me, tell them I’ll be right back, and text me immediately, okay?” you asked. The confused look on her face said you needed to explain more. “I’m about to hook up with Ethan. My brother can’t know, cover for me.”

She nodded, still confused at the situation.

You went up the stairs to your room to wait for Ethan. Your friend smirked to herself as she watched him scan the party for your brother, before heading upstairs not long after you.

“Lock it,” you said, as he walked in and shut the door.

“So demanding,” he laughed, as he locked the door.

You walked over to him and laced his fingers with yours as you led him back to your bed, pulling him down with you as you laid back. He looked in your eyes for a few seconds as he hovered over you, the sexual tension getting even stronger before he finally leaned down to kiss you. The second your lips touched, everything just felt right. Like this was what the two of you were supposed to be doing the whole time.

His hands started to roam under the fabric of your shirt, his fingertips grazed your stomach as you whimpered under his touch. As good as his teasing felt, you remembered that you didn’t have a lot of time to do what you came to your room to do.

“We need to be quick,” you gasped out, once his hand reached your breast.

"Right," he chucked to himself, before he slid your shirt up your body. You sat up a little so he could pull it over your head, and you reached behind yourself to unhook your bra to have one less thing in the way. “Fuck,” he whispered, taking in the sight in front of him.

He leaned forward to take one of your nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it as he sucked before moving to the other side. Your breathing was getting heavier by the second, and feeling the way his tongue moved had you craving his mouth on you in other places.

He trailed kisses down your stomach, before he stopped at the top of your jeans. He looked up at you, silently asking for your consent before he went any further. You nodded at him before he smirked and unbuttoned your jeans, and slid those, along with your panties, down your legs in one motion. You took a deep breath once you were fully exposed to him, before he leaned in and started to place gentle licks to your clit.

"Fuck," you whispered, as you looked down to see Ethan's eyes on yours.

He started to swirl his tongue as he slid two fingers inside your soaked entrance with ease, your hips lifting off the bed as he rolled them against that spongy spot inside of you. You were trying so hard to be quiet, and even with the music downstairs, you were sure that if someone came upstairs, they'd know exactly what was going on. Strained whimpers were flooding out of your mouth as you struggled to hold them in, but Ethan was making you feel so good that it was impossible.

"Shit, Ethan," you rushed out, "This feels so good, but I need you to fuck me."

He pulled his mouth away from your clit before he mumbled "I wish I had more time to do this with you." He slid his fingers out, a whine slipping past your lips at the lost feeling as he unbuttoned his jeans and slid those, along with his boxers, down his hips.

"We need to be quick," you reminded him, once you felt the tip of his cock teasingly circling your clit.

"I know," he said, as he lined up with your entrance.

As he slid into you, a low moan flew out of your mouth.

“Shhh,” he said, his hips starting to move. “You need to be quiet, baby.”

You found it hard to do, the feeling of his cock stretching out your pussy feeling so good that you wanted him to know how much you loved it.

“Fuck,” you said, once you heard your phone vibrate on the bed beside you. Ethan kept going as you reached over to check it. “We need to hurry up. My brother was asking where I am.”

His thrusts sped up, until he started to pound into you. He angled your hips just right so your g-spot was getting the attention that it needed, and you couldn't hold in your moans. Once he reached down to circle your clit with his fingers, you cried out as that feeling built up so fast that your impending orgasm had your hands shaking as you gripped the sheets.

"That's it, baby. Cum for me."

Your legs were shaking on either side of his hips as that feeling washed over you, your bottom lip held in between your teeth so hard to attempt to not make the loud sounds that were threatening to escape. He was trying so hard to fuck you through it, but after he felt your pussy start to squeeze him, he knew he couldn't hold on any longer.

“Fuck,” he gasped, as he pulled out, releasing his hot cum on your stomach.

He took a minute to catch his breath as he tried to compose himself, but he couldn't stop looking at you. The way your blissed out eyes looked at him, the sweet smile on your lips, and seeing his cum on you was starting to make him hard again.

He finally tore his eyes away from you to grab some tissues out of the box on your nightstand, and cleaned you up before you both got up to quickly put your clothes back on. You could tell that he wanted to talk about what'd just happened, you did, too. But with the lack of time, you knew it would have to wait.

“I wish I could’ve taken my time with you,” he said, before you walked over to the door.

“There’s always next time,” you said, planting a kiss to his cheek.

You left your room first to join the party again. Your best friend came up to you once she saw you.

“So, how was it?” she asked.

“For a nerd, he sure knows what he’s doing,” you quietly joked, as he walked down the stairs.

“Dude, where were you?” your brother asked him, a blush rising to his cheeks at the question.

“Uh..I had to call my dad,” he lied, as your brother nodded at his response.

“Cool. I couldn’t find my sister either. I thought you two killed each other.”

[stardew-shitposterino]

Stardew Valley Bachelor/ettes and their sexuality headcanons

Yeah yeah I know, they are all canonically bisexual or something like that, but I have some headcanons to go further into it as to just say “he/she is bi”. It’s my silly little blog and I get to choose the content ok lol anyway:

Content warning: slight nsfw so minors DNI

Bachelors:

Sam: raging bisexual and proud. Doesn’t care what others think of it, maybe his mum and dad though, speaking of that with them feels still kinda weird as he doesn’t feel comfortable talking about such things with them. But overall he never gave his sexuality a second thought and goes with whoever he has caught feelings for.

Sebastian: bisexual but is more into women. Feels uncomfortable speaking about it. He didn’t know he liked men until he met the farmer (if they are male). He felt ashamed of his feelings for the same sex, but the farmer helped him come out of his shell. Robin and Maru don’t care and support him no matter what, Demetrius however…but it doesn’t matter who it is he likes, this guy will always pick a fight with Sebby so yeah.

Harvey: again, bisexual but prefers women. Has kissed a man before in his college days doing some dumb drinking game (he liked it more than he likes to admit) but never done more. He’s knows that homosexuality is natural in all sorts of species and therefore doesn’t think it’s weird. However, he feels a bit awkward having to confront himself about his own bisexuality, but he generally feels shy about his personal matters, especially when it might get people talking. When he catches feelings for the male farmer, he fears that the farmer will think poorly of his attraction and therefore has a harder time accepting his feelings for them than for the female farmer.

Shane: I said it before, I’ll say it again: man fucked in his gridball days, mostly women, again, but he also had a thing with a guy. He doesn’t like to speak about his bisexuality and pretends he’s straight because it’s less of a hassle to say if he’s asked. He doesn’t want the surprised looks of people because he doesn’t seem like a guy who’d also date men. Despite that, he likes women a tad more (boob guy, also likes eating 🐱), but he can’t deny his attraction towards male athletic builds. He won’t ever admit it though, of course.

Elliott: bisexual and proud. Has no preference whatsoever. He mostly writes about heterosexual relationships and loves the female anatomy as it’s different to his, therefore more intriguing to him in an artistic aspect, but he won’t pick favourites. All bodies have their perks and he’s open to give love to every body that’s attached to a person he loves. His first relationship was with a man, but he always knew that his attraction is not limited to one. He’s a romantic artist, and therefore finds beauty in all different shapes and sizes.

Alex: bisexual but says he’s straight because he is convinced he is. The hours he spent looking at shredded man abs in his youth definitely weren’t first indicators, he just wanted to look like this, not look AT this. He also definitely didn’t have some codependent homoerotic friendship with a fellow sportsman in high school, no no couldn’t be him. He prefers women, or it’s his denial, who knows 🤷🏼‍♀️ needless to say, he assumes he’s straight till he meets the (male) farmer and is immediately struck by love. It puts him in a spiral, but eventually he accepts his feelings and is happy he is finally true to himself.

——————————————————————————

Bachelorettes:

Haley: bisexual but prefers men. She has had a thing for the shy girl in high school, but decided to bully her instead as it seemed easier for her than come clean to herself about her feelings for another woman, a woman that doesn’t play in her league popularity-wise specifically. The relationships she had with men were mostly superficial and loveless, but she took it as a necessary evil. That stops when she meets the farmer. If the farmer is female, she will finally open up about being bisexual, happy she isn’t in denial anymore and true to herself after years of self hatred regarding that part of herself. If the farmer is male, she will be more than happy to know that she isn’t broken and that her past lovers were just sacks of shit that didn’t care about her lol.

Emily: bisexual, thought she’s a lesbian. She has a thing for her friend Sandy, let’s be real here. Also dated Shane in college for at least a couple of weeks until they realised they don’t have a thing for each other and are better off being friends. Because of that, she thought she’s homosexual as she never had any romantic feelings for a man. That changes when she meets the farmer though. If male, she will discover her bisexuality and be excited to explore new sides of herself. If female, she will stay thinking she’s a lesbian and be happy with her cute wife.

Leah: bisexual and knows it. Leah is gay or straight depending on what gender the player is, but I think she’s just open to whatever, but would like to say she’s a lesbian tbh, but we know she’s not :( she’s an artsy person like Elliott, so it didn’t take her long to realise she likes people of the male and female sex. Definitely spent a lot of her teenhood drawing naked women in her sketchbook like all of us lmfao. Oh yeah, she prefers women in my books, your honour. At least feminine-presenting people.

Penny: bisexual, masks as straight but prefers women in secret. She thinks having homosexual thoughts is forbidden for a good girl like her to have, but she can’t stop pining for the female farmer once they enter her life. She keeps dropping hints about wishing to live on a farm like theirs, dreams about kissing their lips and whatnot but feeling guilty about it. With the male farmer, it’s different. She doesn’t feel as much shame, but it takes her longer to develop feelings for them.

Maru: bisexual but honestly? Probably demisexual, if not some other sort of asexual. She has no time for romance and doesn’t really think about it much. When she catches feelings for the farmer, it surprises her that she’s even capable of feeling those things for any person really. Her having homo-or heterosexual feelings for someone isn’t a concern to her at all, just the fact she lets herself get distracted with things like that is. Eventually she learns to go easy on herself and accept that she’s human with desires like everyone else.

Abigail: bisexual, has no preference but can’t deny she likes the idea of being visibly queer by having a partner of the same sex or someone androgynous-looking. Doesn’t have a lot of dating experience really, also not big on having crushes. She has a thing for Sebastian though, but its not that deep. The farmer changes everything. She will see them as a cool friend around her age at first, but will grow attached to them over the course of their friendship, especially with their shared love of adventure and falling out of place in this small town.

[kumabeom]

anti romantic

chapter 8 : darling, you’re the one i want

synopsis : anti romantic, college student choi yeonjun who thinks he’s seen everything in a relationship, promising himself that he won’t go through another relationship ever again to prevent himself from going through another heartbreak. that was until he sees yn, a classmate, chasing his heart. will his walls be enough to scare yn away, or will they continue chasing yeonjun with all they have ?

your eyes slowly opened, blinking, adjusting to the bright light that peeked into your room through the curtains. you laid in bed for a minute, the memories of last night’s picnic date with yeonjun ran through your mind, a giggle escaping your lips. you stretched out your limbs, as you yawned, pulling your blankets off of your body. slowly and progressively getting up, putting on the slippers that were right next to your bed.

your feet led you over to the living room, finding yeonjun’s body laying on your couch, a white puffy blanket covering his body. his phone in his hands, as he mindlessly scrolled through his social media. his eyes catching you through his peripheral vision.

“good morning,” you spoke, taking a seat on the loveseat that was placed diagonally across the couch.

“good morning, how’d you sleep ?” yeonjun asked placing his phone down. his semi-poofy hair, puffy eyes and cheeks, a small little pout resting on his face as his brows were still creased. it was obvious that he had recently woken up. but it was odd, because it didn’t matter that yeonjun had just woken up, he still looked so pretty. a wide-eyed gaze as he attempted to wake himself up.

“i slept kinda good.” preventing a smile from appearing on your face, you didn’t want him to know just how much last night meant for you, well you did want him to know, but you didn’t want to overwhelm him. “what about you ?”

“your couch is too comfortable, i don’t think i’ll be able to get up.”

“mmm that sounds good to me. i wouldn’t mind providing for you as long as you’re happy.”

“don’t say things like that, you’ll make me shy.” yeonjun replies, his morning voice still audible, a slight rasp coming out as he spoke.

you smiled, a bright grin resting on your face, at this point you’ve learned to appreciate any moment that you spent with yeonjun, things could’ve gone completely different : if yeonjun hadn’t sat next to you that one day in your fashion design class, had he gotten home at the usual time that day then he wouldn’t have broken up with yoojung and he would’ve still been an innocent and naive victim. or if you never attempted to cheer him up, where would he be now ? yeonjun knew that finding yoojung cheating wasn’t ideal, but he’s glad that he did because overall, he knew that you gave it your best, while yoojung never really tried to make him happy.. she was just there, no such thing as affection, so why was he ‘happy’ in such a bad relationship ? had it really been the greatest relationship that he had gone through, to the point where just yoojung’s presence had him riled up ? that’s what a relationship should be, no ? the idea of being in the presence of your partner should have you in filled with euphoria. but nothing he ever experienced had ever gone like this, he never went through a relationship where his significant other had reciprocated the same amount of energy.

were you really the one ? were you the one that he wanted ? the person of his dreams ?

“-also yeonjun..” he hummed, as he sat up black tank top becoming visible as the blanket fell off his shoulders. “if you don’t mind me asking.. why did you and yoojung break up ..? sorry if i made you uncomfortable.. it just seemed like you gave it all in your relationship.. so i just found it weird.”

“mm- that’s because i did.. i always planned dates for her, gave her flowers every time i saw her. i even went out of my own comfort zone for her.. but i guess that wasn’t enough. i used to think that she appreciated all of it, looking back on it now, she always had a face of hesitation. then one day, i was going to surprise her with something, and i walked in- she was with another man….” yeonjun’s voice slowly dropped.

“can i tell you something, jun.”

“-yeah..”

“i told you we went to the same high school together, right ?” yeonjun nodded, his fingers fiddling around with each other, the memory of yoojung still going through his mind. “well… i’ve actually liked you since then.. i know i lied when i said that i didn’t, i just didn’t want to come off as someone who was trying to take advantage of the hard times that you were going through.. you also came off as way too cocky so i felt kinda challenged.”

“ hm..? i did find it weird that you were so insistent on proving me wrong about how you saw love, but i never thought about it too much. it’s okay though, i’ll let you off the hook, just because you’ve been succeeding in all of this..”

“thank you for forgiving me..” you smiled, the tense feeling that ran through your body was finally gone, for some reason being around yeonjun felt more natural, he felt more like home. somebody that you could rely on. you were no longer trying to prove him wrong about his ideals, but rather you were trying to make him happy. “i don’t know if you remember this, but when we were still in school, i used to put little letters, gifts, and flowers in your locker..”

yeonjun’s memory quickly came to him, he remembered it very clearly.

yeonjun walked through the hallway, his backpack causing a certain ache on his shoulders. shoes echoing throughout the empty hallway. he had felt so.. pathetic, had he really gotten dumped in front of the entire cafeteria. a sigh leaving his lips, he wasn’t really sad about the situation, rather he was pretty upset that he had gotten so humiliated.

he picked his head up, neck tired from staring at the floor, he watched as a student walked into the hallways, exiting the entrance area. his mind immediately thanked them for being at the wrong place, but surely they were bound to find out soon, after all he did get dumped, in front of everyone. he went over to his locker, twisting the lock on it.

and there it was, a strawberry milk with a little red bean bread. a letter attached to it.

“cheer up ! there will always be obstacles, but you can defeat anything that’s comes in your way (^｡^)”

little drawings decorated the small piece of paper, he grinned to himself, he had been receiving letters with small treats for nearly a while, he didn’t really think about who had been sending him things.. but he was happy that at least someone was looking out for him.

and the only reason why yn knew exactly what yeonjun was going through was because they heard his partner talking about it and bragging about dumping yeonjun in front of everyone. although yeonjun (thanks to the note) didn’t give up and he healed quickly from his breakup.

“huening told me that you stopped dating around high school… is that why, was it because of me ?”

“perhaps, but it’s because i also went through something similar as you did.. i always focused on what others wanted and not what i wanted, i’m still like that, but i never thought i would be in a relationship where the amount of energy that i put in would be reciprocated.. and you had that reputation, that you would put in so much energy into your relationships. so i stopped chasing for people that would do the bare minimum, and instead i started chasing over someone who would care for me.”

“so we’re exactly the same.. we really only have each other… thank you for those by the way.. for the gifts. they actually did make my day.”

“i know, you don’t think that i didn’t stick around to see your reaction.. i had to see if you liked it or not. and thank you for giving me the opportunity to steal your heart, i’ll have you wrapped around my finger as soon as i can..”

“mmm i’ll believe you once i start feeling it.” truth was, yeonjun was already feeling it. the comfort he got from just a few minutes of conversing with you, he felt like his life was beginning to piece together, the jigsaw puzzle that was once incomplete was starting to make sense. of course it would take a while to truly trust you and get a complete hold of his life and feelings, but he started to understand the outline.

“would you like something to eat ?” you questioned, your head tilted. “just tell me what you like and i’ll have it delivered.”

“mmm, any kind of soup would be nice, it’s getting colder and colder each day..”

“dumpling soup ?” yeonjun nodded in excitement, he couldn’t wait to eat something warm. the sky was already gloomy looking, clouds filled the sky.

he turned over to face you, his face beamed with a smile, cheeks red, he couldn’t believe that you had been the one to get him through thick and thin. and he wasn’t sure, but he certainly thought that, you were the one that he wanted

©️kumabeom

taglist : @soobadooba @beoms-sugar @yxnjvnnie @myahfig4 @sato-chan-2709 @grayscorner @run2seob @destairea @lol6sposts @cutesince2000 @forever-in-the-sky2 @soobs-things @soobinsman @mackjestic @ameliabs-world @mochijjunie @hyuneyeon

an: kinda a shorter chapter, but some character development is being shown !! how are we feeling about the morning after the date ??

[heytherejulia]

It's nice to have a friend ~ Polin

pairing: modern!penelope featherington x modern!colin bridgerton

warning: some swearing, sexual innuendos, fat shaming, shitty mother, usual bridgerton chaos, insomnia, insecurities

summary: a walk through colin and penelope's relationship based on it's nice to have a friend by mother, doctor, taylor allison swift

word count: 2,9k

Penelope Featherington was walking home after a long day at the university and her only company was the ringing bell of the nearby primary school. January didn’t treat London nicely this year and everything around her was completely covered in white fluff. She was barely able to see a chalk drawing on a sidewalk as it was also covered in thin layer of snow. She smiled to herself when she realised that three little people were drawn on the pavement and signed “me and my best friends”. She thought it was the most adorable thing in the world. She’d never been very sentimental about stuff like that but today she felt like she might actually cry because of how freaking cute that was. 

She regained her composure when she felt a piercing cold air on her bare fingers. She put her hands into the pockets of her coat only to realise that she lost her gloves, and it was freezing outside, and she still had at least half a kilometre walk to her flat. 

‘Awesome,’ she muttered under her breath.

Penelope felt a tap on her shoulder and she thought her soul had just left her body for good. She didn’t have time to reach for pepper spray nor was she half a decent runner to escape the intruder. She waited for the inevitable when a person revealed his face. It was only Colin. Her life long crush, Colin. Her best friend’s brother, Colin. Her best friend too, if she let herself be bold enough to assume so. 

‘Hello, Pen.’

‘Colin! I didn’t expect to see you here.’

‘Yeah, I was just walking by and saw you and thought I’d say hi. You’re going home?”

‘Thousand times yes.’

He laughed. She liked the sound of that. It felt nice to hear him laugh at something she said. Even if it wasn’t even a little funny. Still, even Colin’s warm laugh couldn’t prevent her body from shaking from how bloody cold it was. 

‘You cold?’ 

‘I lost my gloves. But I’ll be fine, don’t worry.’

‘Here, take this.’ He handed her one of his blue gloves. Penelope blushed slightly at the gesture but hoped he wouldn’t notice as her cheeks were already pink from the wind. They walked for some time when he suddenly stopped.

‘Wanna hang out? At my place? It’s closer than yours.’

‘Yeah, sounds like fun.’

***

Penelope found herself in Colin Bridgerton’s childhood bedroom for the hundredth time in the past few months looking at him playing some weird video game. Eloise still had classes and Penelope didn’t feel like sitting on her own in their shared flat so she accepted Colin’s invitation to his game session. She was never into such things, not even as a child, not with her mother towering over her shoulder all the time, forcing her into reading educational books instead of some ‘muddling activities’, so she had never played them when she was a kid and now that she’s twenty something years old she just couldn’t find any will in herself to start it. She just didn’t see a point in doing that. Old habits die hard. 

‘C’mon Pen, play with me, it’s just Mario Kart.’ 

‘I can’t.’ He frowned. 

‘Why not?’

‘I don’t know how. I’ve never done that before.’

‘NO WAY! You’re friends with Eloise and she has never forced you into playing Mario Kart with her?!’ 

Penelope just looked at him with a small shrug.

‘It’s okay, I’ll teach you. Sit here.’

He tapped a place between his legs on his bed. She blushed. There was no way she would be able to sit there and play a stupid game while Colin's arms were wrapped around her body. But she did as he told her and sat in front of him and took a pad from him.

‘Are you ready?’ She nodded. ‘Alright, you have to press this button to start and those to move…’

***

Penelope was so happy to finally have vacation. As much as she loved journalism and literature, she was more than ready to unwind and rest during her leave. Her newly landed job was intense and so was her new boss. Charlotte Queen did not let anybody off the hook unless they did everything perfectly and Pen freshly out of university had a bit of hard time adjusting. She was at the annual Bridgertons’ barbecue sitting next to Gregory chatting her ear off with his attempts of flirting (no matter how sweet that was she couldn't really put her heart in it, he was still a kid in her eyes) and trying to ignore the piercing gaze of her mother, who definitely did not approve of her short fitted blue dress. It was too short, too fitting, and definitely too blue, and not yellow enough. She stood up from her seat, took her plate and went to Anthony who was grilling some meat. 

‘Classy apron, Viscount Bridgerton.’ He was wearing an apron that said ‘sexy cook’. Probably a gag gift from one of his siblings. 

He glared at her but then laughed. 

‘Do you want a sausage?’

‘Yeah, I would like one, thank you.’ As he was putting a sausage on her plate she heard her mother's shrieking voice. 

‘I don’t think you should be eating that, Penelope, you can skip some of your meals, dear.’

Suddenly she wasn’t feeling hungry anymore. She left her plate on a table next to Anthony and went straight to her seat. Anthony tried to call after her but she ignored him. In another part of the garden, Colin stopped mid track his conversation with Kate about India when he heard Portia’s words. He furrowed his eyebrows on the fact that Pen really listened to her mother and refused to eat. He didn't like it a bit. 

‘I’m sorry, Kate, I have something to do.’ She just smiled at him and made a ‘go ahead’ gesture.

He took his phone out of his pocket and sent a quick text to Penelope. When she felt her phone buzzing and picked it up from the table, she saw a message from Colin.

Wanna hang out?

yes

She took her handbag and denim jacket and followed him to the entrance of the garden. He gestured to her to get into his car. 

‘Where are we going, Col?’

‘Eat.’

‘But we just ate.’

‘No, WE didn’t. I did.’

‘I’m not hungry.’

‘I don’t care. I am.’

Of course he cared and he didn’t listen to her protests, and soon after they were sitting in a car-park eating burgers and chips that Colin got at a drive through. 

‘Don’t listen to that shit.’

She snapped out of the haze.

‘What do you mean?’

‘Don’t listen to the shit your mother is saying to you. You’re perfect just the way you are. And you have to eat to stay healthy, Pen.’

She blushed at his words. She knew he didn’t mean anything by that but it still made her heart flutter. If she wanted to get over her crush on him, he really had to stop saying things like that. But that was that and she couldn’t change his feelings nor could she forced herself to stop loving him. She tried and failed. She just had to accept that he simply saw her the same way he saw Daphne, Eloise, Francesca or Hyacinth. His friendship had to be enough. 

‘Thank you, Colin, it's nice to have a friend.’

She broke her own heart by saying those words. But this was for the best.

***

In August, Colin, Penelope, Eloise and her new friend Philip, decided to go camping. Their idea was brilliant until they realised that they live in England and it’s bloody raining all the damn time even during the summer. When it wasn’t pouring outside they tried to make the best of their time, but there wasn’t much left to do, because even when it wasn't raining, there was so much water everywhere and so much mud. So really, all that was left to do was sitting in their tents playing some stupid secondary school games. 

Penelope was a little bit miserable during this trip because Eloise obviously wanted to hang out with Philip and Pen as her tent roommate had to spend half of her time outside to give them some privacy. After two days, Colin just ordered Philip to switch the tent with Penelope cause there was no point in them getting rid of her every two hours. So for the rest of the stay, she slept in Colin's tent. She was totally cool with it and her heart wasn’t making somersaults at all.

On the last (rainy) night when she was about to go to sleep, Colin broke the silence. 

'I want to travel.'

Penelope smiled at him because she knew that for some time now. Well, at least she was suspecting it. She knew he was searching for a purpose and he couldn’t find it in England and he longed for adventure.

'Then do that.' 

'I also want to write.' 

'Then do that too.' 

He looked at her like she was a bit crazy. 

'What if I'm not good enough at it?'

'Then you'll get better, no one's born a perfect writer, all of those great novelists and poets had to start somewhere or otherwise we wouldn't know them now. You've got this, Col, I know you do.'

He grabbed her hand in the dark. 

'Thanks, Pen, it's nice to have a friend.'

***

In the last week of summer, after Colin's got back for a short break from his almost the two year trip, Pen and Colin decided to make the best of the last few days of warm weather, before the rainy autumn comes back and enjoy their last days in each other's company before he gets back to travelling and she gets back to work.

She looked up from her spot on a blanket and stared at the light pink sky up on the roof of Aubrey Hall. It was getting dark and late as the sun sunk down. 

'Do you want to head back?' 

Colin was a considerate type of guy in comparison to Eloise, who usually tended to forget about other people and their needs, unless reminded. The two were completely different but Penelope still adored them both equally. Okay, maybe not. She definitely wouldn’t want to jump Eloise’s bones as much as attractive she was. 

She looked away from the sky and towards Colin. She didn’t want to burst the bubble they were in. She liked being alone with him. She liked the fact that he listened. Simply listened. And he saw her, the real her. Even though he clearly couldn’t see or chose to ignore how much in love she was with him. 

‘No, not really. I mean, there’s no curfew, right?’

He smiled thinking about the one time he actually sneaked into her house, way past the curfew, and almost got caught just because he wanted to tell her about his plans for a gap year.

‘No, there’s no curfew… Wanna play twenty questions?’

‘Is there a need for that? I’m almost a hundred percent sure we know each other better than that.’

 ‘C’mon Pen, it’s going to be fun, here, I’ll start. What is your book about?’

‘Romance.’

‘And? That’s it? There has to be something more.’

‘That’s another question, Col. My turn. When are you going to send your journals to the publisher?’

‘I’m not sure I am.’ 

‘What? Why?’

‘Two additional questions, wait for your turn. Have you been sleeping well?’

‘Uhm, sure?’ Colin didn’t look convinced. ‘Are you sure that’s what you want to use your question for?’

‘Yeah. Pretty sure. Also, the unwritten rule of twenty questions is telling the truth, so please, tell me the truth, Pen.’

She licked her lips considering how much of her late struggles she was supposed to share with Colin without lying and worrying him too much. 

‘Okay, not so much. It’s the heat, I can’t sleep because of it.’

Technically not a lie. The temperatures were not helping her insomnia. 

‘Anyway, my turn. Why do you not want to show the publisher your journals?’

‘Because they need editing and I can’t edit them myself to make them decent enough to be actually published.’

‘That’s bullshit, Colin, they’re already brilliant as they are but if you want, I can help you. Editing is kinda my job anyway.’

He looks at her gratefully. 

‘I’d love that.’ 

He kept looking at her until she asked if he wanted to ask his next question.

‘Oh, yeah, sure, you’ve been stressed out lately?’

‘Sort of, yeah. It’s hard to keep up with the pace at work and my mum is so behind with paying off her loan and she keeps asking for help and my salary stops covering my and her bills. You?’

‘Yeah, me too. But it’s not important, wanna talk about your mum?’

‘No, I want you to tell me why you’re stressed.’

‘I think I want to stop travelling that much. I’m applying for a job here and I’m getting a flat. I’m thinking about settling down.’ 

She looked away from him. Colin staying in the country was a dream come true but Colin settling down with some woman was like a nightmare coming to life. 

‘Wow. That’s a big decision. Good for you, Col. So, who finally convinced you to stay?’

At that moment Colin felt it was the right moment. He didn’t really want to wait any longer. He didn’t know when he realised that he wanted a future with her nor did he understand that. But he did come to his senses and waiting any longer was not an option. He needed her in his life in more ways than as just a friend. He felt that something finally gave him the nerve to touch her hand. 

‘You, Pen.’ He whispered. ‘Cause it’s nice to have a friend.’ 

***

Penelope was walking home to the sound of church bell rings that carried her all the way back. She wasn’t sure if that was a real wedding or maybe her madly in love mind made that up. As she was passing by the old church, she saw the rice on the ground and thought that it actually felt like snow. And she wasn’t delusional after all, some couple really did get married that day. 

She was so happy that the weekend has started because it meant at least two and one third of a day with Colin, doing absolutely nothing, just chilling. But then her phone rang and it turned out to be a call from Portia Featherington herself. Penelope was so worn out after the workload she's been having lately that even a thought of her mother’s nonsense idea of family dinner made her want to crawl into a hole and cry. She knew that the meeting would be a mess. She knew that Philippa and Albion would be a bit too loud and detached from reality but not cruel. She knew that Prudence would be making fun of her for everything and Harry would just smile and agree with whatever his wife said. She knew that everything Portia would say would be nothing more than a bunch of bullshit, but her mother did know where to hit so it would leave a bruise. So Pen was more than happy to bail and stay at home. 

What she was not so happy about, however, was the fact that her mother would never give her peace, if they ditch the dinner with her side of the family. It felt almost bizarre, using that phrase, because technically Colin was not her husband, not even her fiance and relatively speaking, her family was simply her family, he didn’t have any obligations towards them.

But Colin was a good boyfriend. He knew what a bitch Portia and Prudence could be, and would never allow Pen to deal with them on her own. The years she spent dealing with their crap alone were more than enough, and now that he finally came to his senses about his feelings, he was going to be there to protect her for the rest of their lives. 

Colin was looking at Penelope as she was driving to her family house and couldn’t help but notice how tired and distracted she was. She was still driving safely but her sour mood was visible. 

‘Hey, Pen, wanna switch? I can drive for the rest of the way.’

‘No, there’s no need to. I’m fine, it’s not a long drive.’

‘Are you sure? I know you didn’t get much sleep last night.’

She really didn’t. Her insomnia kicked back and she hadn’t been able to sleep for more than two hours every night for the last two weeks. She tried to convince him that she was fine, but he could call her bluff at the blink of an eye. 

‘Fine, you can drive.’

He smiled at her as she pulled over and gave her a quick kiss as they got out of the car. 

‘Thank you, babe.’

***

The dinner was an absolute and utter disaster. Portia Featherington didn’t disappoint with her nagging comments and unsolicited criticism. She knew how much Pen was working and that she didn't sleep well, and yet the only thing she could say to her was that she should start wearing more makeup and that her figure was not suitable for someone with her height. Colin had enough of her bullshit.

‘Penelope is working really hard because Mrs. Danbury offered her a possible promotion but she has to prove herself and she works her arse off, which you should be proud of. And she’s the most beautiful woman in the world and if you can’t see the value of your own daughter, then you’re fucking blind.’

Colin stood up from his chair, grabbed Pen by hand and dragged her out of the fucking madhouse. He was so furious he realised that he hadn’t said a word to Penelope until they were half way through to their flat.

‘I’m sorry, love. I know they're your family but I couldn’t just sit there and listen as they offended my brilliant girlfriend.’

‘No, I wanted to thank you for having my back there.’

‘Everyday.’

Penelope has realised that for a long time now, she stopped associating home with a place but with a person. At this very moment, their old beat up ford was home, because Colin was there with her. She didn’t need her shitty family when she got him. He was more than enough for her. And Bridgertons were a package deal, with one you got the whole bunch, so she knew that she had more people that she could count on, than she could ever dreamt of.

‘What do you wanna do for the rest of the day?’

She thought about his question for a while. She wasn’t in the mood for anything really, she just wanted to lay in bed and maybe sleep. And maybe she wanted cuddles too.

‘Stay in bed.’

Colin looked at her and smirked. 

‘Colin Bridgerton!’

He just smiled and kissed her knuckles. 

‘We can stay in bed the whole weekend. We’ve got all the time in the world.’

Later, Penelope sighed happily, as she was lying in his arms in her comfortable clothes. It truly was nice to have a friend. And she was bloody lucky that it was Colin.

[moonlight-canavalia]

Ch. 4 - Jupiter

Summary: A new beginning and some reminiscing of the past. It’s fluff and just a quick little angst.

Pair: Satoru Gojo x F!Reader

More of my works on my AO3

CW: 2,794 words, fluff, a bit of doubts, smidge of angst, pet names.

————————————————————————

“So, what do you think?” he says in a voice so small you might think he’s second guessing his question.

You look at your phone as if it was somehow distorting his words “Wait. Can you repeat that again, Satoru? I want to make sure I heard you right. “ Confusion mixed in your tone. Not even believing your own hearing.

Clearing his throat he repeats his earlier question.

“Do you want to move in together? It’s just a yes or no question, Angel. Don’t feel pressured to give me an answer right now. You can think it over and give me an answer when I get back.” He says confidence returning to his tone. “I’ll try to text or call you tomorrow. Anyways, stay pretty. I love you. Bye-bye.” The high pitch in his bye erupts some giggles in you and the moment of uncomfortable silence is broken. And Gojo feels some of the tension leaving his body.

“I love you too. I know you’ll be busy. Stay safe and see you in a few days, Toru.” Ending the call, your mind goes back to his question. ‘Is it right?’. ‘Should we do it?’. ‘Is it too soon? ’. So many questions coming to the forefront of your mind gives you a sense of dizziness.

Sitting on your sofa to catch your breath, you look around. Staring at your things, around you, pictures, books, little knick-knacks scattered here and there; you can’t help the smile that’s suddenly adorning your face. Because everywhere you looked, you could see some of Gojo’s things that have made themselves at home with yours.It’s not like you two are strangers, it's different of course. In every relationship it’s a scary step, no matter how long you’ve known each other; things change. But why not give it a chance, when you already know you want him. The both of you already took that leap into the unknown when starting a relationship. And even with its ups and down you two are still standing together.

While you’re lost in your own thoughts the poor white haired sorcerer is nervous and alone in his hotel room. “How am I supposed to sleep now?” he asks himself. What if you say no? Was that an early push for you? He didn’t want to pressure you but he really hopes you say yes. All he wants is for you to be there each waking day by his side, his hectic hours keep him away from you enough as is. Sure, there will still be missions where he goes away for days or weeks. But knowing you’re there waiting for him to get back and attack him with care and so much love makes his little heart leap with joy. He has high hopes that you’ll answer him by tomorrow. Even if he’s unable to reach out to you first, he just wants an answer from you. Wanting desperately a ‘yes’ so he can get back to you as quickly as possible and start helping you pack up. The heavens above seem to favor him most times, and this time is no different. Before you text him an answer, you’re already making a checklist in your head on things that you can get rid of and what will you keep. Space is the last thing you need to worry about moving with Gojo. He’d never make you get rid of your things. It could be a random piece of plastic that you’d like to keep for some weird reason of attachment and he’d get a glass box for you to keep it in. But you’re ready for new things, new things you’ll get to do with him. So, imagine his big bright smile the next morning when he reaches for his cellphone and the first thing he sees is your sweet good morning text finishing off with a “You’re doing the heavy lifting <3”. And that’s all it took to start a new adventure with Gojo. You lost count of how many of your firsts he’s taken, but if there’s one thing you’re sure of, it’s how you wouldn't change a single thing.

Satoru <3 BABY YOU JUST MADE ME HAPPY I’LL KICK THE CURSES ASS ASAP

Sending him a quick reply of “Please be safe and try to call me later if you get a chance.

That was sent early this morning. Now it's 8:00PM and it still reads ‘delivered’.

The mind could be quite treacherous at times. Alone in your apartment, with a mess around you as you started taking things out of your closet, cabinets, old boxes you forgot about when you first moved in. ‘He’s fine’ you kept repeating in your head; stop overthinking. But you can’t help it. Sure he might be the strongest but things happen, and even though you trust him you still worry.

Lost in your own world of worry you fail to notice he’s right beside you. Until he’s shaking you asking ‘did something happen?’

A wave of relief washes over you seeing him. “When did you—hi baby” you say letting go of a breath you didn't even realize you were holding.

“What’s wrong?” the tall white haired male asks again.

Turning fully to him you wrap your arms around him in a tight hug. “Just try to not do that again.” You say as if it was obvious.

You can almost see the question marks around his head as he asks “ do what?” as he reciprocated the hug.

“Not answer me” you whisper.

And it clicked just then for him. You were worried. “Sorry sweetness, I stopped by our favorite take out place to get us some dinner.” He apologizes pointing to the plastic bag left forgotten near your entrance. Resting a hand on the side of your face, he angles you up to look at him “I missed you” he says leaving a quick peck at your lips.

“I miss you too” and just with those simple words he feels his chest fill with so much warmth, so much love he thinks he might explode. The twinkle in your eyes looking up at him always takes his breath away. There’s so much love behind them that he finally understands why people say the eyes are the windows to the soul.

“Come on let’s eat sweetness so I can help you with packing so you move even faster. I can’t wait to have you with me day and night.”

Your nerves were buzzing with excitement at this next big step in your relationship. Barely eating you’re quick to continue rummaging through things to pack even faster. Gojo tried to get you to sit down and eat more but you just smiled and waved him off saying how much you just wanted this to be over with. Nothing can bring on more stress than packing, so the quicker it’s done the better.

Once your white haired man-child of a boyfriend finished eating he was on you. Instead of helping you sift through things he was slapping your ass every time you bent down, adorning your neck with kisses when you stood still looking over things. Pinching your hips randomly, he was bored and didn’t really know what you wanted to keep or throw out. He just waited like a dog on beck and call. Any time you needed something from a place you can’t reach, or were done with a box he was there to grab whatever you wanted or tape shut the boxes.

“This is such a small apartment. How did you manage to fit so many things here, Angel. Things just keep popping out of the most random of places.” he said chuckling.

“I’m tired already. I'll do those two small boxes up there and call it a night.” turning towards your boyfriend you wrap your arms around his midsection and in a honeyed voice tell him “can my strong boyfriend get them for me?” There was no reason to use those words, you can ask him to go through a wall and he’d do it without asking why. Anything that came out of your pretty little mouth was an immediate ‘yes’ for him. He’s happy all the same, boyish smile and bright eyes looking at you flexing his muscles.

“Of course I can, it’s me we’re talking about” — Reaching for the boxes he puts them in front of where you’re sitting on the floor.

Taking the lid off you’re met with a pair of faces brimming with joy. Geto, Shoko, Nanami, Haibara, Gojo and you. Smiling while posing for the camera. Well, all of you but Nanami who had such a deep frown in his face, if looks could kill you all would’ve been scorched. Tears streaming down your face at such a fast pace it’s concerning. Gojo immediately kneels down by your side looking at what you’re holding on to. The carefree smiles most of you were wearing, happy with ice creams on that warm summer day. When you all were just teenagers having fun. Enjoying the small things all of you could afford, no classes, no missions, no curses that day.

Just fun.

Your boyfriend, being the strongest as always, swallows the lump that forms in his throat. It’s something he’ll deal with later, first you. You’re his priority and seeing you this way breaks his heart. He also misses those times, when everything was easier. When you all felt like the world was in the palm of your hands. Laughter filled every square inch of whatever room you all were, snarky remarks here and there from Nanami with Haibara trying to keep him positive.

“Every time I think I can handle what happened I get proven wrong” you choke back a sob rummaging through more pictures. Gojo takes the one you’re still clutching on to out of your hard so you don’t crinkle it further. It’s a painful memory, but that moment, frozen forever in time, is filled with warmth and joy. The purest form of happiness the most simple of things used to bring.

“I still remember our inside jokes.” —Gojo murmurs looking at the picture— I replay them sometimes when I reminisce. We were kids and we were thrown into things we couldn’t quite handle yet, not alone at least. We dealt with it how we could.” Tristful eyes staring at the picture. He sounded so dejected, mind probably off revisiting an old memory.

There’s one thing you wish you could change from what happened. Well…actually two things:

1- Geto leaving, hurting and killing innocent people.

2- Gojo having to keep a strong face in front of all other people, not being able to mourn his best friend how he should have .

“I’ve already told you, you were it for me since I first saw you. But I think this day really cemented it for me. This was the day I stayed up all night talking with Geto about whatever the hell I was feeling. He tried pushing me to confess to you and I didn’t want to.” Looking at your tinged face he chuckles. Big hand cupping the side of your face, thumb brushing away stray tears. “I wish I had done it sooner.”

Putting your hand over his you earnestly tell him you wished he did, but also how you could have done it too. You’re just grateful it still happened, even if it took you two some time. You two start going through the pictures together. Snippets of stories here and there from your younger days. Making fun of each other, until you found a picture that showed your boyfriend with such a huge love- sick smile adorning his face. You were laughing at something, eyes crinkling unaware of Gojo looking at you. Wracking your head for any memory of this picture you turn it around and see it’s signed by Shoko “when you two end up together, remember I told you so.”

“I guess she snuck this in here, after everything that happened I hid these boxes and forgot about them.” Looking back at Gojo you shove the picture in his face and coo how cute he looked and how this is your new favorite picture. “We’re hanging this one up, we have to. Look at you” you say with heart shaped eyes.

Agreeing with you he can’t stop looking at your carefree smile. The way it hasn’t changed even when the world around you both has. That same sweet smile that has always helped him get out of his darkest times is still there. And he’s looking at it right now as you hang on to the picture resting it over your heart.

“Okay, okay, before I start crying again. Put these over by the door so it can be taken with the first things we move.” Handing them off to him he’s gone in an instant. ‘Did he really just warp? Just for that?’ Short answer, yes, yes he did. Making sure it’s not lost or damaged when you start moving the bigger boxes.

Cutie you think fondly.

Once he’s back you two are quick to move every box into position for tomorrow. It’s Gojo so of course he’s promised you to move everything in one day. ‘You don’t lift a finger’ he let you know. And he’s true to his word, but to his dismay you don’t even wait for him to be done before you’re tearing at the boxes to start putting things away. He's in awe with how on his second trip back you already have so many of your things hanged, your small figurines and funkos already decorating the empty shelves he has. Seeing the mess in the kitchen where you’re putting your plates with his makes his chest feel tight, almost suffocating on his love for you. The pure happiness he’s feeling with finally having you with him day and night, well starting today.

Bringing in the last box he throws himself on the couch dramatically he huffs out “you should have left me warp”

“No, I told you not to use your powers. You can’t be that tired when you can carry four to five boxes without breaking a sweat, that one cant be turned off” – you bring up – “you’re just being pouty.”

“Am not” he says – sunglasses almost falling off his face when he sits up looking in your direction.

Cocking your head to the side you stare at him dumbfounded. “Any bigger sweet boy and I’d probably trip on your bottom lip.”

He just slams himself against the couch and extends his hands up and does a grabbing motion. Signaling for you to come and rest with him. You decide to accept and make your way towards him. Laying on top of him, you make yourself comfortable against his strong hard chest, burying your head in the crook of his neck, peppering it with kisses.

“I know you’re not letting me go for a while so I’ll just take a break with you” you inform him.

Some minutes go by in silence, just listening to the sound of your breathing when the snowy white haired male suddenly speaks up “It’s gonna be nice that the first thing I hear when I wake up is your voice.” You smile up at him and chuckle “I’ve stayed with you before, and you’ve stayed with me before or am I going crazy?”

Tangling his hands in your hair he gives you a deep kiss, tongue swiping at your bottom lip before going in your mouth. The kiss is all consuming, and breathtaking.

“That’s true pretty girl, but now I’m not gonna have to wonder when you’re leaving or when you’re coming back.” Wrapping an arm around your waist while the other one cups the back of your head he brings your head down so you’re forehead is resting against his “I get to have you with me day and night, I get to come back from missions and have you here, I get to tell everyone I have someone waiting for me at home and its the love of my life. We get to build a home together.”

It’s hard fighting the waterworks, you start sniffling trying to not let the tears spill. He is the sweetest human ever, and you can’t believe he’s yours. You can’t wait to show him all the things he deserves and be there for every new milestone that's to come between the both of you. The words are lost on your tongue, the threat of so many emotions bubbling up constricts your throat. You give him a hug that's near bone crushing even for him

“I love you so much” is what you manage before he’s changing positions and is on top of you.

Pt: 1

Pt:2

Pt:3

[the-cat-chat]

August 24, 2024

Lisa Frankenstein (2024)

A misunderstood teenager and a reanimated Victorian corpse embark on a murderous journey together to find love, happiness, and a few missing body parts.

Warning: Review may contain spoilers. Read at your own risk.

JayBell: We’re starting spooky season early! There are good things and bad things about this movie.

One, I love Kathryn Newton and I like that they reallllllly lean in to how weird and dramatic and unstable her character is. Cause truthfully, you would have to be off your rocker to make the bizarre decisions she does throughout the movie. Like no normal and rational person would make these decisions, but it does make sense for her character.

I also really enjoy that they give her a caring relationship with her stepsister, even though they are totally opposites. Honestly, it’s probably the most developed relationship in the movie, and I like that. It’s unexpected, especially with the evil stepmother and the brainless absent father.

On the other hand, the relationship with zombie boy feels kind of lackluster. The whole time I didn’t feel like she actually cared about him at all, but she was just using him to make herself feel better. So their whole "relationship" isn't that romantic in my opinion, and her love confession at the ends feels meh to me.

Also what on earth is with the father? I still can’t figure that relationship out, and it’s weirdly not acknowledged in the movie.

So yeah. I think if Kathryn Newton wasn't the lead, this would be a much worse movie. I think Cole Sprouse does an okay job considering he has almost no lines, so he's there, but almost like an afterthought.

But I have to admit I was invested and entertained, which is honestly better than I expected.

Rating: 5.5/10 cats 🐈

Anzie: I don’t know where to begin. First, I’m sooo ready for spooky season. Second, I recall this was released for VALENTINES DAY. What a power move. I also want to put out the disclaimer that the concept this movie exists in the same Diablo Cody universe as Jennifer’s Body cures some of my soul’s ailments bc Jennifer’s Body holds a very large part of my poor little broken teenage emo heart. Soo just that alone can cover the few qualms I have.

I loveee Kathryn Newton and her acting in this is so phenomenal she’s such a gem. I love how she sulks and scrunches her body and her costumes are amazing. The stepsister is adequately irritating and Carla Gugino as the evil stepmom??? What a performance.

Now the plot. I’m here for it. But it got freakky. Ok so she hangs out alone in a cemetery- it’s the 80s and her mom was murdered. She’s in love with a grave bust??? She goes to a party?? (Seems her not her vibe? but okay) takes pcp- I at points was convinced she was just in one long pcp trip or dream. And I can even get behind the unbelievable notion this guy came back to life- it’s spooky season.

And I might be slightly underwhelmed that Cole Sprouse neveeeeer spoke but I guuuuuuueesss since it’s frankenstein I’ll forgive it bc what was I expecting??? The mutton chops are too much tho.

Anyyyyways the serial killing plot for body parts was unique if unhinged and I totally agree with JayBell that half the time I was convinced her step mom was right and she did need to be thrown in the snake pit (a murdered mom gets a girl at least some meds or therapy right?) - I love that to get him “electrocuted” like in the og story they used the broken tanning bed. I do have to say there are parts and especially the last murder and body part added to Frankenstein kills me and I rather wish I’d never experience, but I’ll add it to my collection. I’m glad Lisa did end up surviving and Frankenstein could talk bc I love a happy ending- and I was totally gonna riot if to avoid the cops she died in the tanning bed.

Rating: 5/10 undead boyfriends 🧟‍♂️

[honeybeezgobzzzzz]

⚡ Doomworld

Doomworld: You have a complicated relationship with one Eobard Thawne. Enough said. 

Warnings: Language, Pregnancy Stuff/Medical Issues.

To Note: Eobard Thawne x Legends!NAMEDReader

Prompt: I would destroy myself to fix you.

Word Count: ~2.9k

There it was again. That annoying pressure in the pit of your belly that literally sang to you every hour on the hour. Who knew what time it was, nature demanded its call. Heaving out a heavy sigh, you pulled the covers off your body and stiffly moved your legs from the bed. The moment your bare feet touched the floor your nose wrinkled. Cold. Cold. Cold.

Placing a hand on your thirty-one-week baby bump, you carefully got to your feet and started waddling towards the bathroom. It didn’t take long to relieve your bladder, and while you were washing your hands you stared at yourself in the mirror.

Your hair was a complete mess though it had never looked more full and thick, and your eyes showed exactly how tired you were of this pregnancy. Everyone had been telling you how glowing and happy you looked, but no one ever saw the unglamorous side effects of being pregnant. Bloating. Nausea. Weird smells. Cravings. The constant peeing. The horniness.

How could you possibly feel horny when you were so bloated you looked like you had swallowed a watermelon?

You rubbed your damp fingers into your eyes before turning the water off and grabbing the hand towel to dry your hands. Turning the bathroom light off, you waddled back towards the bed and awkwardly climbed in, slipping your legs underneath the sheets and pulling the covers back up with a sigh.

“Eve?” You rolled your head to the left to see your husband groggily looking at you, his eyes just barely open. Reaching over you brushed your fingers through his own bed head.

“Duty called, babe,” You sighed out as your fingers ran through his blond hair. “I swear the bigger the kid gets, the more I have to pee.”

At the mention of your baby, his eyes seemed to brighten up and the sleepiness on his face disappeared. Eobard rolled over so he was fully facing you and soon his hand was on your stomach. The look on his face was odd, like it was the first time he was seeing you pregnant, or learning that he was going to be a father. Pure reverence and happiness.

“I swear if she gets your speed, you are doing all of the diapers.” You grumbled out with a soft sigh. Eobard hummed in agreement before nuzzling his head into the side of your neck and planting a few kisses on your neck. “Cause I won’t be able to keep up.”

“I’ll do all of the diapers no matter what,” He mumbled into the side of your neck. You let out more sighs at the soft kisses and nuzzled your cheek against his head.

“You sure you want to make that promise?” You asked him as you closed your eyes and got settled once more. “Cause that’s a lot of diapers.”

“For you I’ll do anything,” Eobard sighed out while you continued to play with the hair at the nape of his neck.

“You are such a lovable idiot sometimes.” You murmured before closing your eyes and trying to get back to sleep.

Dressed in a nice maternity dress that still held an air of professionalism, you walked down the hall of Star labs with several folders in your hands along with a lunchbox. Despite being this pregnant, you had been very adamant about keeping up some sort of work schedule. Walking towards the doors leading to the office wing, you saw Ray, the janitor for the labs.

“Good afternoon, Mrs. Thawne,” Ray said, nodding his head at you in greeting. “Still working hard I see?”

“Just because I’m pregnant does not mean I can no longer work,” you chimed as you reached the doors. “I put my foot down on this, have a good day, Ray.”

“You too,” Ray responded with a smile. You pushed the door open and stepped into the office wing. Letting the door softly swing shut behind you, you tried your best not to full on penguin waddle down the hall in your heels.

Eobard hated it that you still wore your heels while pregnant, but you had given him a petulant glare and clearly stated that just because you were pregnant, did not mean you had to change your wardrobe type. You liked the power heels gave you, you liked the way you looked in them: end of story.

“…and I need you to watch Mr. Merlyn for me.” That was Eobard’s voice, emerging from the hallway into the cortex, your eyebrow went up at seeing Mick and Leonard.

“We’re not your—“ Mick cut his words off as three sets of eyes landed on you.

“Oh don’t mind me,” you spoke up, glancing between the three men. You hefted up the folders and the lunchbox. “I’m only here for a delivery.”

“Mrs. Thawne, a pleasure as always,” Leonard drawled out as Mick stared at you. You gave Leonard a charming smile before setting your eyes on your husband whose eyes had narrowed.

“Don’t even think about it, Eobard,” you warned him, sauntering over to him with a sway of your curvy hips. “I don’t need the lecture.”

“Eve…” You dropped the stack of folders on the cortex desk and hefted up the lunchbox.

“I brought dinner, since I know you haven’t eaten yet and still, despite my interventions… work too much,” you said, holding his gaze with an intensive stare. You could see Eobard break a little at your stare before ultimately sighing and holding out his hand. Giving him a pleased smile, you let him take the lunchbox from you before finding yourself tugged into his body with his arms wrapping securely around you.

“You know I don’t like it when you wear your heels pregnant,” Eobard told you softly, looking down into your face with a look that said ‘I’m not mad, just frustrated with my hot wife whom I currently want to fuck’. He was so easy to read sometimes… You picked at his tie, straightening it and just around loving the way he looked in his suit.

“I’m a grown ass woman, who might be pregnant, but can still take care of herself,” you chided him. Eobard sighed and stretching up, you caught him in a kiss he was happy to oblige.

“Mr. Thawne, I need to speak with you!” A voice shouting from the hallway you had just come through, brought everyone to alert as your heads twisted to see a man with long hair tumble against the cortex wall and fall to the floor, two security officers chasing him. They dragged him to his feet as Eobard shifted where you stood, placing his body between yours and the newcomer. “I just need five minutes of your time. Please. Reality's at stake. The world isn't right.”

“Okay, let him go. Let him go. Let's just... let's see what he has to say. It's okay,” Eobard called, keeping you securely at his side. The security guards sulked back the way they came.

“He intentionally hit me in the ribs,” the guy groaned, placing his hand on his side and breathing heavily. “First of all, awesome office. I guess it pays to be the smartest man in the world, which is why I've come to you for help.”

“You were saying that the world isn't right?” You prompted him.

“Yeah, this world we're in now is wrong. Reality has, uh, has changed somehow,” the guy insisted. Looks went between Leonard, Mick, and Eobard, and you cocked your head.

“Changed?” you repeated, trying to take a step forwards. Eobard didn’t even let you move a pace. Then he was responding.

“How do you know all this?”

“Um, well, there's signs everywhere if you know where to look. There's subtle inconsistencies in the fabric... of reality. Um, I call 'em scars. You know, like, after you've been operated on. Well, um, reality has been operated on.”

“Truly fascinating,” Eobard remarked.

“I’m giddy with excitement,” Mick grumbled, his deep voice and face revealing no emotion. You rolled your eyes. “What's that got to do with him? As you can see…” Mick gestured to you. “He’s kind of busy.”

“Well, um, Mr. Thawne could help me fix it. Look, right, you're a genius. You figured out cold fusion. You saved the polar bears…”

“My wife was quite adamant about that,” Eobard chipped in, tightening his grasp around your waist.

“…you fixed global warming. I mean, you made desalination sustainable. I mean, you solve problems like this, like, every day. If anyone... anyone can figure out why these scars exist and how to put the world back to the way it was... it's you, dude.”

That… was a lot to take in, and you found yourself looking up at Eobard with questions in your eyes. Eobard nodded his head several times before looking down at you.

“Why don’t you head to my office with dinner, I’ll be there after I talk further with mister…” Eobard glanced back at the man.

“Heywood.”

“Mr. Heywood,” Eobard repeated, his blue eyes flickering back to yours. “It won’t take long, I’m sure this conversation can be continued tomorrow, further in depth.”

You stared up into Eobard’s face with an expectant look on your face and he sighed before leaning down and pressing a kiss to your lips.

“Promise,” He said as he brushed his fingers along your cheek.

“You better, Mr. Thawne,” you threatened before withdrawing from him and snagging the lunchbox. With one last glance at the four men, who all watched you walk away, you fully turned around and strode for Eobard’s office.

Laying on one of the chairs in the medbay, your hand trembled from where it rested on your belly. Martin and Ray were keeping you company while Sara and the others went and hunted down a certain speedster responsible for your… condition.

“Eve, you are hyperventilating again,” Martin said, taking a seat next to you and picking up the hand that had been hanging listlessly next to you. “Slow deep breaths.”

Your eyes flickered to his as you tried to do as he asked and get your breathing back under control. Another pain hit you in your stomach and a groan left your lips as you tightened your fingers around Martin’s.

“How— is this— possible?” You panted out, leaning back in your seat and gulping in air. “I thought everything— was set back to— the way it was?”

“Gideon is looking into it right now,” Martin reassured you, smiling and patting your hand. “We won’t let anything happen to you.”

“I’m only thirty one weeks!” You rushed out, biting down on your lip to stifle another groan of pain. “Spear business aside, this shouldn’t be happening!”

“That’s early right?” Ray questioned, moving to the other side of your chair while looking at the wall behind you. “Readouts say the fetus is in distress and you both are loosing oxygen. I’m going to get the oxygen and start that as a precaution.”

“Does it give any other instructions on what to do?” Ray moved one of the monitors overhead so Martin could see. The doctor scanned the readouts.

“I’m going to start an IV, Eve, that will help settle things down but we are going to need to figure out how to get the system rigged for a pregnant woman,” Martin said as he brought over an oxygen mask and carefully fitted it over your nose and mouth. Next with the aid of Gideon, he was inserting an IV into your veins and running fluids. “Gideon is there anything you can do to help?”

“At this time I have medication that should relax both mother and fetus, shall I start a drip?” Gideon responded, her holographic head appearing in the corner of the room. Martin glanced at you and you gave him a small nod.

“Do it, thank you Gideon.” It wasn’t instantaneous, but ever so slowly a sleepy feeling and an air of calm started seeping into your veins. Your fingers relaxed from their tight grip on Martin’s hand and your head rolled to the side. With fresh oxygen flowing into the mask and whatever medication Gideon was giving you, you finally calmed down to a half asleep state.

Your mind floated in the clouds as the anxiety seeped from your veins. Martin spread a blanket across your body, tucking you in and protecting your body from the chilly spaceship. Closing your eyes, you were vaguely aware of your surroundings but everything seemed muddled. Every once in a while you would feel that little stab of pain, but it didn’t feel as terrifying as it had previously.

Fingers brushing clumps of sweaty hair out of your face roused you from the semi dream-like state. Letting out a soft exhale, you dragged your tired eyelids open to see a pair of familiar steel eyes looking down at you in worry. Another spike of pain hit you and you squeezed your eyes shut again, your moan muffled by the oxygen mask. The hand you had on your stomach clenched as your entire body tensed up again.

“Eve, you need to stay relaxed,” Eobard gently said as he grabbed your hand with his other and gave it a squeeze. Forcing your fear-filled eyes open, you stared into his eyes. “That’s it, you just keep looking at me.”

“Gideon what’s the prognosis?” You heard Sara ask.

“Both Eve and the fetus have elevated heart rates beyond safe ranges. I am unsure if the fetal heart rate is an issue due to paternal DNA, but I would suggest getting Eve’s heart rate under control. I can best speculate that Eve is suffering from placental abruption.”

“That’s not good, right?” Ray asked, looking at Sara.

“Just because I am a female does not mean I know anything about babies or pregnancies!” Sara hissed at him as you whimpered. As screwed up as this situation was, you remembered talking with the doctors about possible complications, this hadn’t been one of them. You were screwed.

“I don’t want to lose her,” Your slurred words were partly muffled by the oxygen mask.

“You won’t, we aren’t going to lose either of you, I would destroy myself to fix you.” Eobard reassured you before snapping at the arguing group. “We can talk about how this happened later, you have all this technology, fix her!”

Now in a calmer state and pain-free, your mind was more relaxed as you slowly came out of whatever medication Gideon had pumped into you. Drowsily opening your eyes, you were greeted by the sight of a low-lit medbay and a very tired-looking Eobard Thawne slouched in a seat next to you.

After everything that had happened between you and with the spear, you were still surprised that you were a part of his perfect world. Even after your fighting, raging relationship full of sexual tension that neither of you had an issue releasing tension through a round of rough sex, he still wished for a life with you.

When you took the anger and tension out of the relationship, you were literally on cloud nine with each other. It had been paradise, even if it had been only for a little while, and you wanted that back. You were so tired of being angry and hateful.

Moving your hand, you stretched out your fingers and lightly traced lines along Eobard’s that was hanging close to the edge of the medbay chair. You liked how his hands fit in yours, and how they felt when they ran across your skin or rested on your belly. It always felt like home.

You were so wrapped up in your own thoughts that you hadn’t realized that steel eyes had opened until fingers were gently closing around yours in a gentle grip. Eyes shifting upwards, your eyes met.

“Hi,” Your raw throat rasped out, your mind not really knowing what to say to the man you had been married to in his perfect world. Eobard straightened up in his seat and leaned forwards, brushing your hair out of your face.

“How are you feeling?” Eobard asked, his eyes briefly going to the screens above you before returning to yours.

“Tired, but better,” You answered, your eyelids fluttering. “What happened? I’m not going to lose her am I? I—“

“Shh,” He shushed, cutting you off. “You aren’t losing our daughter, Gideon and Stein managed to stabilize you, with continued proper care you both will be fine. Gideon diagnosed you with placental abruption. We manage that, you both stay safe and you can carry to term.”

“Anyone have any idea why I’m still pregnant?”

“I’m still wondering how you ended up pregnant in the first place,” Eobard answered truthfully, running his thumb over the back of your hand. “I just wanted a happy life with you.”

“Reasonable since we are either at each other's throats or are trying to tear our clothes off.” That made him chuckle. “Do you think we are even capable of making it work without extra help?”

“I’m not going to let you go again. I wasn’t lying to you when I said I would destroy myself to fix you. You are all that matters in my life, you and our daughter.” You had gotten pretty good at telling when Eobard was lying or not, and in this instant, you knew he was being one hundred percent serious.

Date Published: 6/28/22

Last Edit: 6/28/22

Eobard Thawne Masterlist

The Flash Masterlist

[hypnostheory]

20 Questions for Fic Writers

Howdy, so I was tagged by @kiwiana-writes , @littlemisskittentoes and @affectionatelyrs , who I’d like to thank for being very supportive and friendly. Thanks besties!

1. How many works do you have in Ao3?

So this is changing by the day sometimes lol, right now I’m sitting at 16 fics, 2 are currently unfinished, 5 are chapter fics.

2. What’s your total Ao3 word count?

Again, changing by the day it feels, but 132,329 words so far. That’s about the length of A Tale Of Two Cities.

3. What fandoms do you write for?

Right now it’s FirstPrince (Red, White, and Royal Blue), but I have a Good Omens fic and several Homestuck fics.

4. What are your top five fics by kudos?

1. i hit my peak at seven feet

2. and that’s the way i loved you

3. something good and right and real

4. trouble’s gonna follow where i go

5. wanna know that body like it’s mine

Combined, these fic have 4,089 kudos.

5. Do you respond to comments? Why or why not?

I try to reply to every comment, but sometimes it’s a little overwhelming. I absolutely try to respond to all comments that have more than one sentence, but if I miss you I’m sorry and I promise I’m going to get to you at some point!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

Sir we write smut here, this is not a tragic writing space lol. If I had to pick I think then I think you don’t want to know me is going to have one of the sadder endings but even still it’s gonna be happy because I’m not a sad writer lol.

7. What’s the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

All of them? I mean, the sappiest ending is somewhere between i hit my peak at seven feet and something good and right and real.

8. Do you get hate on fics?

No, I mean the closest is someone who said my work was like disturbing or somethingbut I think that was actually a compliment???

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind?

This is like asking the Pope if he’s Catholic lmao. Yes I do, it’s primarily D/s dynamics, and almost always an AU one shot.

10. Do you write crossovers? If so, what’s your craziest one?

I do not. I sometimes put subtle references to other fandoms in my fics, but no crossovers.

11. Have you ever had your fic stolen?

Not to my knowledge, my partner has tho. If someone found out my fic was stolen I’d like to know, but honestly if you see something I’m writing and get inspired by it just write your own version and tag me so I can read it Y’know.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I don’t think so, but I have had someone offer to translate a fic into Chinese. I’m down if anyone wants to, but I only speak English and a moderate level of Spanish so I couldn’t check someone’s work.

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

So my partner and I can get very collaborative, and I absolutely run my shit past people before it goes live, but for the most part I’m doing it all by myself.

14. What’s your all time favorite ship?

Listen I love FirstPrince with all my heart but DaveKat is my first OTP and I’m never letting those fuckers go.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but probably never will?

Hmm, so I want to finish that Good Omens fic I mentioned but honestly that started in a weird time and I’m not sure if it’s got legs. Aside from that I’m trying to finish everything I start! (Or at least everything I publish!)

16. What are your writing strengths?

So from comments, I’d say my prose and my dynamics. I’d agree, I think my style is based in my education in poetry, so I can for sure get colorful. And I really enjoy the politics of a relationship, so I’ll sit there and wax poetics about the nature of soulmates daily and nightly lol. I also just write a lot very fast, so that’s a strength I guess.

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Descriptions. I’ll explain emotions to death but explaining how people look is more challenging. I also have issues with finishing things, which I’ve been trying really hard to work on.

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

So I’m from Texas, so if it’s Spanish dialogue I’m comfortable. For the main part, I’m not going to write dialogue out word for word if the POV character doesn’t understand what’s being said, which takes out a lot of that issue for me. I think putting a foreign language in a fic is something that can be done very poorly, so I want to avoid that.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Publically? Homestuck. That’s my answer.

20. Favorite fic that you’ve written?

Oh god, having to pick between my own kids basically. i hit my peak at seven feet is so important to me, it’s a very personal story and it really catapulted me back into writing fic. I also love there’s nowhere in the world like, which is the first fic I published in this account and is a really fun work about one of my hyper interests, so if you like 80s theme parks and Homestuck, give it a spin.

I’m tagging anyone who wants to do this, so feel free to blame me and take a spin! But also I’m absolutely tagging @futureseaempress 💖

[jumping-joey1104]

hello, i was wondering if i could get a creepypasta matchup? Sorry for sending another when you’ve already got a few, so you don’t have to answer this.

I use he and it pronouns, I stim openly a lot and think I might have haphephobia.

I tend to be pretty distant or in-my-own-head in everyday life. I’ll often get really attached to specific people or things. my interests jump around a lot, but generally, I always like writing and video games, particularly slightly old RPGs. including, the Persona series, especially persona 3 as of now, plus citizen sleeper. I like reading comics and manga (I’m a bit of a kid in personality honestly), doodle, and listen to music a lot. I have fun with flashy characters, theatrical themes and I could ramble for a long time about some of mine.

I don’t like certain tastes, like orange, I’m kinda picky. I can get big mood swings and feel really shitty and force myself to find an outlet, like drawing on my arms, and then feel super hopeful later in the day. Like I said, I get really fixated on stuff quickly, so I’ll get really stuck on one person sometimes. Ironically, my love languages are physical touch (i get really clingy on some occasions) and secondarily gift giving.

I can accidentally say or show people really extreme things, as I can tell they're severe, just not what kind of effect saying that will have. so, people who I have to tone down what I say to in that regard, I guess, I don't get on well with. (sorry if that's weird to say...)

and…that’s all I can think of. thanks if you do do it

Sorry for the late answer Anon, but I would love to answer any asks you send in!! Speaking of asks I have chosen a matchup for you!!!

Liu/Sully

Friendship

Since Liu and Sully share the same body, you kinda get one with the other soooo

Being friends with Liu and Sully is a wild ride from start to finish, Liu is shy unlike his younger brother Jeff. But Sully is a force to be reckoned with

You and Sully could be hanging out and all of a sudden you're at a McDonald's drive thru wearing Halloween wigs and more than likely three redbulls deep

Sully is the epitome of a wild and sarcastic college guy that for some reason never lays a hand on his friends

He becomes like a mean older brother to his friends but always respects boundaries. If you say you don't like him doing something to you he'll never do it again

If you like having debates over video games and characters Sully is the best one to talk to, he absolutely loves just sitting and talking. Makes him happy to be listened to and having responses back

Liu on the other hand is very recluse and quiet, it takes a bit to warm up to him versus Sully. He'll come off as cold very easily but is a sweetheart once

I headcanon Liu being in cheer/theater during high school, so if you play any music with a good beat he'll probably dance with you and make tiktok dances if you ask him

If you like drawing on yourself please draw on him too, he absolutely loves it when he's covered in colors and doodles. Probably would do that one thing where you share a sketchbook between friends

Dude has insomnia bad, so being friends with him means lots of late nights with music and playing videogames/ watching movies. Like his room has different posters of movies and Broadway shows Hamilton fan unironically

Liu is also very touchy and doesn't like being touched without asking, he's very much the opposite of Sully in that way. Even if you've been friends for a while you'll be lucky to get a hug from him

Relationship

Sully in a relationship means he has someone to protect other than Liu, so he becomes very attentive to your needs. You know that meme "He asked for no pickles"? Yeah, he's like that

He'll become very cuddly while you're dating, just having you nearby makes both him and Liu happier than anyone could make them. You give him a little smooch? Mans a puddle on the floor

Constant check ins from him, although he gives off a cocky attitude he's still scared that his attitude will scare you off. You could be together for years and he'll still ask before giving you a smooch or hug

Please PLEASE doodle on him! He knows that you don't like being touched so he's not going to leave hickeys on you (even though he wants to) so if you draw on him he'll be constantly flaunting it

He'll love to show you things he's done and found just like you like showing him extreme stuff. It takes a lot to scare this man...

Liu is way more open when you two start dating, he'll constantly want to stay by your side and unlike Sully would actually want to draw on you a bit.

Liu isn't as affectionate as Sully but is much more talkative when in a relationship. His love language is just letting you speak about whatever you want and gifts

Lots of gifts, he'll give you his sweaters and buy you your favorite snacks and movies. You look twice at something when shopping with him it's going in the cart. No questions

He'll play a lot more music around you and PLEASE watch some of his favorite musicals with him!! This man literally knows all of Hamilton and like 90% of the dances

Such a musical guy, he'll burn CDs of your favorite video game music and buy you a CD player so you can listen to music together, he has a secret Walkman that he still uses and will share it with you!!

[tomatoluvr69]

useless complaint post literally you don’t have to bother reading this it will just help me to rant a bit

This is sooooo not a real issue I’m just in the throes of pmdd but like I have a bunch of semi-expected (but way earlier than I’d thought) unemployed time so I’m using its alignment with the warm weather to go backpacking/live out of my car in [nearby national park and national forests] but right now I feel zero enthusiasm and I really hope it’s not gonna suck bc my heart’s not in it…like if I’m kind of doing it out of obligation bc it’s unusual to have such an extended span of time off when you’re an adult, then am I going to have the drive to get thru the parts that suck, like the exhaustion of steep trail days, the days when it storms so hard you have zero dry gear, etc. but really the part that I’m the most trepidatious about is the loneliness. But it’s so weird bc I’m struggling socially here and I really think some extended alone time would help?? But it’s always hard and I don’t want to lololol. Honestly what would help this the most is to just wait until after my fucking period. But as it is right now I feel like I’m just going thru the motions. If I could fucking live in my house for the equivalent amount of time without my social life encroaching I absolutely would but I’m so burnt out from my close friends leaving and from my last dear relationship here being at times really tough (it’s one that feels like my well-being rides on it— when it’s good, I’m on top of the world, when it’s not I’m hurt and confused and crawling out of my own skin). I still have a community here but it feels like it’s my roommates’ world, and I’m a guest whose presence is like…anodyne at best? And I really think I’ve just latched onto the idea of my trip as a vague mental escape hatch and haven’t really grasped the idea of the fact that I’ll still be present in my ailing brain and treacherous body when I go on the trip— I’m not just taking a nap from my (admittedly spoiled little baby) problems. And when I did the same thing for 3 or 4 weeks last summer I was dropped off & picked up, which created a really nice incentive to stay on trail— to leave, I’d have had to somehow communicate & coordinate with the relatives who’d agreed on a set date to come pick me up, i.e. effectively trapping me in the woods so I’d stay when I got all grumpy or sad or began semi-hallucinating human voices or was ready to throw it all away to get my hands on a slice of pepperoni pizza and a big old kombucha lol.

Anyways this is such not a real problem but me ol’ paranoid ass is convinced a whole passel of my irls have this blog’s url so I can’t freely complain about what’s really bothering me, which is that I’m starting to see harbingers of the devastating dissolution of my closest relationship. Or, even worse, my relegation to a much more distant connection. And I’m trying desperately to convince myself I should stay in this fucking town, because I’m suuuuuuuuper prone to just fleeing when I start to feel [inaudible], which is a super unsustainable way to live my life and o know it’s not [city] I’m trying to flee but myself which scientists are telling me I can’t physically do…but is that the truth?? Or is the truth that I actually do need a clean break from [redacted]…or is that just a convenient lie I’m telling myself so I can flee again. Or is THAT a convenient lie I’m telling myself so that I can keep my head in the sand and keep [redacted]. It’s so cool how you can’t trust your own heart and mind and you might just suffer from uncertainty forever and you’ll die chasing happiness with the grass always greener but also like pmdd and I don’t really want to go on this trip but I think I must. I think…

[purplesurveys]

1662

Was there anything that you planned to do today, but didn’t? More like couldn’t. I had a really terrible craving for kwek-kwek and went to two different places I knew served them, but apparently the universe thought I didn’t deserve street food today because said two places were both not open, lol.

Is there anyone you interact with often on social media but not in person? Sure. Mostly people from high school or college that I’m close enough to exchange banter with online, but not close enough to actually hang out with in real life. Also, a pandemic changes people. Most people I know have become more reserved in the last three years.

What colour box does your favourite cereal come in? I don’t have a favorite cereal.

Do you have any plates, dishes, mugs etc. with pretty illustrations on them? Mugs, sure.

Does anywhere on your body currently hurt, or feel sore? God my shoulders and lower back are just going THROUGH IT. I realize it’s from sleeping on my foldout sleeping bags/mattresses under my loft bed which has been a major contributor to my strained neck and back – and I didn’t even realize it was being so until in my whole body just started to hurt all at once. Anyway, I’ve since made adjustments to the room and I’m back to sleeping on my actual bed now and I really hope this resolves the issue. 

What is your favourite snack to eat with a hot beverage? I don’t like hot beverages and will do anything to avoid having to drink them.

Is there any advice you have been given, that sticks in your mind? Don’t ever rush healing. That’s been my mindset since the day Andi shared the advice; if you’re hurting, then just grant yourself the time to be hurt. 

What’s the nicest advice you have ever been given about love/relationships? Idk and can’t remember if there’s been any. Again, I’ve Eternal Sunshine-d myself when it comes to every single memory from my previous relationship lol.

Do you own any adult colouring books? What kind(s) do you like? Yeah I have several but it’s the same ones I got like 5-6 years ago and don’t really use/color on anymore. I used to like the really intricate city-themed ones.

When was the last time you got some new headphones? It was around six months ago when I bought my current *earphones. Don’t have headphones.

Is there a lamp in your living room? What colour is its shade? No lamp there, but we have two ceiling light fixtures and both give off a yellow hue.

Do you know anyone whose name starts with the letter X? I do.

Have you eaten any rice or pasta today? I had rice today when I ate a few rolls of sushi; now I feel like getting pasta at 2 AM since you mentioned it hah. Mom made a batch of anchovy pasta earlier tonight, so I’ll just have to microwave it.

Name a food that you dislike the texture of. Gelatin. Only time it’s acceptable is if it comes in the form of pork belly lol.

Which of your friends do you confide in the most? Definitely Angela, but sometimes I’ll also end up oversharing with Andi.

Have you ever fallen out of love with someone? If so, why do you think that happened? I have, but it happened well after the breakup. I was finally starting to move on and allowing myself to encounter new things and people that can contribute to a new chapter of my happiness, so falling out of love was just letting nature take its course at that point.

If you have pets, do you talk to them? I very much do. I think it’d be weird to have a pet and just...never...talk to them? Are there people who really don’t?? Hahaha.

Are there any TV shows that you strongly dislike, but others seem to love? This is me with Game of Thrones and Grey’s Anatomy. And shows that my generation loved to love when we were teenagers like Supernatural, Gossip Girl, The Vampire Diaries, Glee hahaha.

Is there anything you haven’t done lately, that you’d like to do soon? Shopping for clothes. I’ll definitely need to have a spree soon what with my upcoming Thailand and Malaysia trips PLUS I need a concert outfit too. Do you own any T-shirts with brand logos on them? Yeah, a few like adidas.

Have you experienced any kind of food cravings lately? Kwek-kwek :/

Have you watched or read the news today? Have not. I mean I always see glimpses of top news on social media – the bar results are especially a hot topic these days – but I don’t ever, like, actively seek a rundown of the day’s main headlines.

Describe the cover illustration of the book closest to you. There aren’t any books at the dining area.

Are there any take-away or fast food places close to your house? If so, do you ever order food from any of them? Yeah we have a McDonald’s, Burger King, Chowking, Wendy’s, Jollibee, Starbucks. If anything we mostly order from McDo.

Is there anything happening tomorrow, that you’re looking forward to? Not really, no.

[sheepisreading]

Books I finished in Febuary 2023

The first three I grabbed at the same time at the boostore because I was bored and needed cheering up!

Naked, David Sedaris, 1997

This is an essay collection! I’d previously read Calypso by the same author and loved it. It’s a fun read, not hard to read or get into and doesn’t require too much concentration to read while still being very entertaining. I chose it as my next book for that reason, because I’ve been pretty fucking stressed recently and thought I could read it without spiralling. It worked! I loved it, it was funny and earnest, recounting amusing anecdotes and real learning moments. I love these kinds of essay collections heartfelt but self aware and comedic.

(Also, because I’ll probably never review it since I read it like six years ago: in the same vein I can only recommend Watsky’s essay collection “How to ruin everything”, probably even more than Naked! It’s I think less emotional or about emotions but I honestly loved it, it made me very happy, Watsky is awesome.)

Assembly, Natasha Brown, 2020

Fully picked this one up in the bookshop because the cover is pretty but after reading the blurb I immediately bought it. It’s fiction but clearly inspired by the authors life. The main character muses on her life so far and the decisions she’s made. It says clearly some shit that’s obvious but for some reason still an issue! The author clearly writes about the differences in class and upbringing between rich old money white people (her colleages) and hardworking new money black people (her). It’s about stuff we take for granted and casual racism. Very good ! It packs a punch in only a hundred pages.

Bluets, Maggie Nelson, 2009

Maggie Nelson writes “propositions” meaning short prose-poetry rambling-things about blue. I’m very into blue and gave a school presentation two years ago on the history of blue in art inspired by the vsauce video about it (which is amazing by the way, I rewatch it often), so I’ve been wanting to read it for a while. It’s good! Maggie Nelson writes beautifully about artists who have used the colour in the past (which is good inspiration) and her own relationship with blue, as well as with two people she cares about at the moment of writing. Her writing is absolutely beautiful! There is a lot of mention of romantic and physical longing which I cannot relate to, but that’s an issue I run into often and her way of discussing it remains interesting. It’s a beautiful book and its atmosphere stays with you.

The Nice House on the Lake vol. 1, James Tynion IV, 2021

Okay apparently the author is well known but I’ve never heard of him as I don’t really read comics and read like one graphic novel a year. As I understand it what I read (volume 1) spans the first six issues of the comic (out of 12). I grabbed it while browsing and loved the colours and was intrigued by the premise (having watched and thoroughly enjoyed Glass Onion not long before, I kinda thought it was a hardcore version of that, turns out: way more sci-fi shit in Nice House). I got home after my first day of internship, spent an hour doing jack shit and then picked this book up and read the whole thing straight. It’s amazing, there are fleshed out characters (some of them are queer yay), suspense, tension, emotion, it’s just really good! I will warn for like apocalypse, discussions of suicide and body horror though if that’s a thing you can’t go near! But if you can and are into weird sci-fi horror I recommend it! (I actually kind of like Walter I have to say, he just loves his friends !)

Steppenwolf, Hermann Hesse, 1927

!!! My mum is a big Hermann Hesse fan and always advocated for me reading one of his books. I happened upon this one at the used book market and immediately bought it because I noticed someone had anotated parts of it which. Yeah. Anyways, a bit of a slow start with the introduction written from an outside perspective from the narrator of the remainder of the book but absolutely hang in there! It's absolutely amazing; reflections on selfhood and the way we choose to live or not live our lives, connections with others, finding joy and excitement. It really did exceed my expectations. I thought there would be too much romance talk for my taste but it's so beautifully written that it's not an issue at all. It left a mark on me, that's for sure, it's a really powerful book.

[secret-ushy14]

Hey

I know you’re dealing with a lot rn and that this is cruel of me to do but I need to tell you this,I’m feeling like shit about this ,my love for you our relationship,it feels as though it’s not what we both wanted. We both have needs it just feels as though mine is not being met, It hurts to feel ignored, especially when I noticed that you seem to have time for others over us. I know you’re struggling with depression, and I sympathize, but it feels like I’m competing with your own mind for your attention. I hate having to constantly hear that if you truly wanted to fix things, you’d make an effort, but I can’t help but sort of agree. It takes both of us to make this relationship work, and I feel like I’m the only one trying. I want you to find your way out of this situation and see that you have someone who loves you deeply. Constantly confronting you shouldn’t be necessary. I feel like I’m holding onto something that’s slipping away.

Despite the pain, I can’t help but love you. I want to support you emotionally, but you’ve become so distant. You used to share everything with me, and now it’s like there’s a barrier between us. I don’t need to know every detail, but I wish I felt included, like your girlfriend, not just an afterthought.

I’ve cried over this because I care deeply and want the best for you, but your reluctance to let me in makes it hard. It’s difficult to find the right words to comfort you. Sometimes, I feel foolish for holding on when the me months ago would have walked away .But you’re different; I see myself giving everything for a chance to make this work, I want this to work.

There’s anger and resentment building inside me that I keep pushing down because I care about you so much it hurts. I lay awake at night, hoping for a text that never comes. It’s exhausting to always be the one reaching out first. I want you to know I love you, but if you’re tired of me, I want you to end things on your own accord. I know I will get over it. I feel neglected, and you know it, but it seems you don’t want to acknowledge it. I hate this feeling. I’m struggling too. Every day, I think about going back to old habits that would harm me. I hate my body and who I am. Did I make things weird? Are you realizing that my love is too much for you? Why do you sabotage your happiness? Why do you feel like you don’t deserve love?

I’m willing to give you my firsts. I want to fuck you and give you my all. I love you, but don’t make me hate you. I’m not mad at you I can’t bring myself to ultimately hate you because at the end of the day I know it’s not your fault but it’s time to fucking see through it. I need you and I want this it feels good I feel good when I’m with you. I don’t know if you see this as a casual thing but I came into this with something more,again this is my first time so I’m naive but I’m trying to get this to work and I don’t want to ask too much or even bother you too.

This pressure of being perfect or even able to perform well when all I ever wanted was you here. I don’t have high expectations of you but I hold you in a high regard, you’re smart, you’re aware and you’re initiative. Those are the things that made me so attractive to you, things you don’t get enough credit for. I like your voice and I like how your lips crinkle with that cute smile you have idk it’s really cute and I’ve fallen so deeply inlove with you it hurts to not know what’s going through your mind anymore, am I too stupid to understand? Is it to protect me or are you scared I’ll leave. I feel the same way. I’m not one to talk deeply about struggles but I understand. Whatever I don’t want to type this all out I know you wont read it it’s okay I’m sorry for doing this I didn’t mean to give you stress

[what-to-imagine-next]

12-02-2023

I just wanna rant for a bit here.

I know no one reads this, and having my thoughts thrown into the void feels better than just letting them run rampant in my brain solely alone.

What in the every living fuck is wrong with me.

I mean I know it, but god fuck, I can’t believe myself sometime-no most times. I’m a walking idiotic buffoon who should have stopped interacting with people long ago.

I see how people look at me.

Pity.

Their eyes are full of curiosity when they first get to know me, wanting to understand and help.  Naivety filled ideals.

But my brain, oh my self destructive brain, longs for problems, and creates them via impulsing myself into terminal issues which ruin any thing I am a part of.

Why the fuck do I try?

Try to be happy?

Try to be good?

Its so confusing. I’m so mad. I’m so frustrated with the implausible thoughts of chaos which rule my conscious. I can understand myself yet somehow lack any clue. I’m so lost in my own mind of no worth.

I stopped going to therapy, I said it was because I was doing better to her, cause in some small ways maybe I am. But I’m not.

I’m spiraling again. I want the destruction of my fucked mind, the chaos and madness to stop. I want to be free. I am so tired of this cycle of life. I’m so tired of myself being of no use. Of no help. Or joy.

I cannot keep myself from ruining something. And accidentally spilling ideas and thoughts which don’t even fully align with myself. And I’m so scared of it. I’m so tired of fighting my brain. Fighting against my very existence. Constantly between two evils. Dual ended sword of existence.

Alcohol definitely does not help. Medication didn’t either. Ignoring the problems doesn’t, nor dissociation. I’m stuck in a limbo of uncomfortable suffocation between ideals in which control me when I want them to be gone.

Everyone else leaves, and I no longer blame them. I no longer reach out in hoping maybe this time I’ll be good enough, maybe this time I could be worth it for any type of interpersonal relationship.

I am fully aware I need to be alone. I cannot ruin another thing besides myself, and to me that is okay. I can be okay with self dependency, in which I take all strides of life in the shadows of others, not like in a weird criminal way, but like those people you might see every time you go on a stroll through town but one day they stop but you don’t even realize, cause they never mattered to any majority of population, perhaps even forgotten by friends and loved ones of times past. And thats okay. I need to stop myself. I must. I cannot continue this indulgent lifestyle where I try to be worth something I know I am not. I cannot do it. I should not. I will not. I will do the minimum, exist in this hellscape of my mind until insanity fully takes me into my permanent slumber, today is not that day, nor tomorrow.

Death is a comfort, the only true constant of my life. A friend and enemy in one concept in which the universe follows. It will be my love, and friendship. It will be my companion who follows me to the last breath rushed out of my body, to the last pulse of my heart, the last thought, the last moment of existence before history and time consume me. I may not be strong, but that is okay, tomorrow is another day where death can try, but in due time my friend. I am as sure as the moon is old that death is not scary, its a dependence of when which might be, though, that is alright with me.

When death knocks on my door, my friend, I will accept them with open arms and rest, free from myself and any pain or confusion I brought to the world. Not today, perhaps tomorrow or in decades of time from now. But death will be here for me when I am alone, and I’m okay with that. The void can look into me now.