#my ppj

[rhythmelia]

screaming into the void

But I really really REALLY need my fellow non-Black folks of color around the world to just. Sit down and hush about the use of the n-word.

Yes, I believe in a growth mindset, that we are all imperfect humans who have fucked up and will fuck up in the future, and life is a process of unlearning a lot of shit and learning to recognize things like dogwhistles and micro aggressions and macro aggressions and learning how to not perpetuate shit. Making amends for past wrongs and doing better next time.

I'm also aware that our society (thanks, legacy of slavery and colonialism!) is awash in so much anti-Blackness, like it is Baked. In. To so many structural things, and pervades so many cultural things around the world.

So I just. Really really want to call in my fellow non-Black folks of color - like, it is not helping to go harass Black fans about their opinions when our/your faves do something shitty! Black folks are not a monolith, and are allowed to have complicated feelings about what they're willing to tolerate or not when being a fan, given, again how pervasive anti-Blackness and cultural appropriation of Blackness is in pop culture, among other things!!

In my perspective, the n-word is not ours to reclaim, if we're not Black! Plain and simple. The legacy of centuries of slavery, and pain, and ongoing racism and harm today....whyyyyy do you want so bad to be able to use this one word, hmm? Or for our/your faves to be able to use it with no consequences, hmmmmm? Please reflect.

Idk how to end this, this is just a rant and I want to send solidarity and support and positive energy to Black fans dealing with some bullshit.

[notwxrriors]

texas boys back in the dirt

[beautifulpersonpeach]

your bff parkparkjeon is throwing the baby out with the bathwater dragging jimin into tae's mess you should talk sense into her instead of liking her posts if you like jimin as you say

***

Lmaoooooooooo.

A lot of you are insane and have no one to tell you.

I suppose after I'd been deleting your asks sent while Anonymous, you decided to take off anon and send in the same BS. Which is a good choice I guess if what you want from me is a response.

I don't typically get or respond to asks about bloggers and I don't actually know PPJ. I don't know anyone on here at all actually, but as I keep saying, if you're not Black, sit this one out. You have no idea, not even an inkling of a reference point, to begin even trying to partake in this conversation.

**

I was initially going to leave my response to you at that, but I've changed my mind. Because though my feelings don't perfectly align with PPJ's and they don't need anyone, least of all me, to defend them, I do want to say something about how generally, people in fandom and community systems are unable to process complex and dissenting opinions based on experiences (other) those people cannot possibly relate to. Especially when it comes to Black experiences.

It's possibly why I've gotten asks from other people wondering why it's such a bad thing to mouth a word if you're just 'singing along' to a song. Honestly, these are questions you should be asking the Black people in your real lives, not a stranger on the internet. But whatevs.

Even if my feelings don't perfectly align with PPJ's, I completely understand their frustration. Whenever Black people express hurt referring to general groups of people and while making sweeping statements like that, the impulse from other people is to point out the exceptions, the anecdotal instances that show Black people (and in this case, PPJ) they could be wrong. But the reality is that Black American experience is riddled with violations to their person, daily, from other Black people, from other POC, from white people, from really everyone, and yet it’s difficult to acknowledge that fact without sounding like a perpetual victim. Which is how most people see Black people when they make such statements. Nobody woke up two days ago and expected to see Tae mouthing "nigga". He could sing along to songs, but he didn’t need to sing along to that word if he cared about the implications. It’s really that simple. He went ahead and did so because he didn’t think it was a big deal. And that’s not uncommon, which I believe is the source of parkparkjeon’s frustration. It’s that so many people have such a superficial idea of what that word means and why Black people want to reclaim it as only theirs, that they don’t actually see the big deal in mouthing or singing along to it.

It feels like fighting a losing battle honestly, because the fact is people will always do what they want, and saying someone can’t say a certain word, for some people just makes them want to say the word even more, or to look for arguments in which saying the word is fine. The civil rights movement ended in the 60s, and yet it's 2023 and we're still here. The world doesn’t actually, really care about Black people, and this includes other Black people themselves I’d say, which I know sounds defeatist and is controversial to say. The lives and experiences of Black people just aren’t taken seriously, at least not to the same degree as other races and classes of people are, and that’s due to the lingering ripple effects from centuries of subjugation, as well as other factors. We have a plethora of literature, spanning centuries, of Black writers detailing their peculiar experience on this note, but someone saying this in plain English is taken as them whining, being annoying, going on and on about how the world isn't fair to them when 'they should know' everyone knows the world isn't fair anyways.

That's bullshit.

I say nigga because that’s what I am, it’s what I look like and it’s how I’ve lived and been treated in America. I don’t feel any special attachment to the word, it’s just a fact of the matter, but the reality that other groups of people refuse to acknowledge what that means for Black people as a group in America, the people who have reclaimed it and use it in their art, even with daily violations against their person in the US, the fact this still happens only reminds people of hurt. I can totally see where PPJ is coming from. And the last thing I'll do from one Black person to another, is try to stifle their self expression. They get to say what they want on this note. Whether or not I like it. And I say this not because I'm Black, not because I'm Korean, but because I'm a person who recognizes that they're not hurting anyone, they are simply expressing feelings of hurt related to an experience that is long-documented and is uniquely theirs.

As to your mention of Jimin, when I said certain crimes in k-pop are 'sticky', this is partly what I meant also, because the fact is Korean society has evolved through a Western imperialist system and is racist. Taehyung doesn't operate in a vacuum and behaved the way he did likely influenced by his own personal beliefs, and environment. Digging far back enough implicates everyone around him, including Jimin who has also made colorist statements. Does this mean I think Taehyung and Jimin are racist? No. Just as I don't think the people sending me asks wondering why they can't mouth "nigga" singing along to a song, are racist. But it does mean I think neither Taehyung nor the people asking these questions in my inbox, care enough about Black experiences to think about why "nigga" is a 'bad word' that only Black people today are supposed to get to use. Other members in the rapline through direct scrutiny, have over the years become more conscious of what this means, but I'm very certain, just by virtue of their environment, that they still have blindspots.

That's it.

And it's okay for a Black fan, to express their discomfort, frustration, and/or anger with this reality. This is something Black fans do by default anyway, critically moving through a world that claims to care and yet the bare minimum, of thinking about why things are the way they are, is too much of an ask. And this is not a condemnation of you, or BTS. It's simply an acknowledgement of the reality Black people inhabit.

So, no. I won't "talk sense" into them. I don't even know why you thought this was a reasonable thing to ask anybody to do. If they choose to no longer associate with the fandom as a result of their experience, that's very much their right. As it is for anyone who comes to such conclusions for whatever reason. Whether or not I agree with it. Whether or not you agree with it.

Welcome to Pluralism 101.

[maiteo]

tagged by meu amor @lanarchive to post five of my fave songs at the moment🎧🪩🤭

paloma - angélica garcia

shadow - pawpaw rod

forró - ppj

done with you - omar apollo

cycle - peel

tagging: @jabeur @federicogatti and @azzurris if you’d likeeee🫶🏽

[deep-dive]

2022

albums: Alex G - God Save the Animals Alex G - We're All Going to the World's Fair Anthony Naples + DJ Python - Air Texture VIII Big Thief - Dragon New Warm Mountain I Believe in You Björk - Fossora Bladee & Ecco2k - Crest Broadcast - Maida Vale Sessions Carla dal Forno - Come Around Carly Rae Jepsen - The Loneliest Time Cass McCombs - Heartmind Charli XCX - Crash Daphni - Cherry Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn - Pigments Hikaru Utada - Bad Mode Huerco S. - Plonk Isabella Lovestory - Amor Hardcore Junior Boys - Waiting Game Kali Malone - Living Torch Malibu - Palaces of Pity Marina Herlop - Pripyat Oren Ambarchi - Shebang Oren Ambarchi, Johan Berthling & Andreas Werliin - Ghosted Organ Tapes - 唱着那无人问津的歌谣 / Chang Zhe Na Wu Ren Wen Jin De Ge Yao Phoenix - Alpha Zulu Physical Therapy - Teardrops on My Garage PPJ - Trindade Rachika Nayar - Heaven Come Crashing Raum - Daughter Sally Shapiro - Sad Cities Sam Prekop - The Sparrow Sam Prekop & John McEntire - Sons Of Shinichi Atobe - Love of Plastic Shygirl - Nymph The Soft Pink Truth - Is It Going to Get Any Deeper Than This? Torus & DJ Lostboi - The Flash Two Shell - Icons The Weeknd - Dawn FM William Basinski & Janek Schaefer - “ . . . On Reflection “

songs: Alex G - JLB's Drawing Bibio - Off Goes the Light Björk - Ancestress (ft. Sindri Eldon) Bladee & Ecco2k - Faust Bladee & Ecco2k - The Flag is Raised Call Super - Swallow Me Carla dal Forno - Side by Side Carly Rae Jepsen - Anxious Carly Rae Jepsen - Talking to Yourself Cass McCombs - Belong to Heaven CFCF - After the After (Bodysync Remix) Charli XCX - Sorry If I Hurt You Charlotte Adigéry & Bolis Pupul - Haha Coco & Clair Clair - Bad Lil Vibe Cole Pulice - City in a City Daphni - Take Two Dawn Richard & Spencer Zahn - Sandstone Demi Lovato - Substance DJ Heartstring - Can't Stop the Night Doss - Look (All Night Mix) Doss - Strawberry (Singin' Club Mix) Double Virgo - Kicked Out by Seven Ecco2k & Bladee - Amygdala Ela Minus & DJ Python - Pájaros En Verano Embaci - Tiniest Whisper Hikaru Utada - Somewhere Near Marseilles Hudson Mohawke - Bicstan Isabella Lovestory - Exibisionista Job - Lore Junior Boys - Thinking About You Calms Me Down Kelela - On the Run Luis - Jack Anderson Malibu - Iliad Marina Herlop - Abans Abans Merely - The Killing Sun Mr Twin Sister - Resort Mura Masa & Erika de Casier - e-motions Objekt - Ballast Oren Ambarchi - I Organ Tapes - Burnout Organ Tapes - heaven can wait Physical Therapy - Chain Reaction PinkPantheress - Boy's a liar PPJ - Dar Um (Lauer Remix) Purelink - Butterfly Jam Rachika Nayar - Gayatri Raum - Walk together Sally Shapiro - Sad City SG Lewis & Tove Lo - Call on Me (SG's Dub Edit) Shinichi Atobe - Love of Plastic 1 Shygirl - Firefly Two Shell - Unrequited Yasmine - Doce Atração Yung Lean - Lips Yves Tumor - God Is a Circle

games: Elden Ring Kirby and the Forgotten Land Monster Hunter Rise: Sunbreak Signalis Sonic Frontiers Squaredle Tactics Ogre: Reborn

film: Aftersun (Charlotte Wells) Ambulance (Michael Bay) Avatar: The Way of Water (James Cameron) Crimes of the Future (David Cronenberg) Decision to Leave (Park Chan-wook) I Thought the World of You (Kurt Walker) Jackass Forever (Jeff Tremaine) Kimi (Steven Soderbergh) Nope (Jordan Peele) Orphan: First Kill (William Brent Bell) Pacifiction (Albert Serra) Sharp Stick (Lena Dunham) Stars at Noon (Claire Denis) Tár (Todd Field) Three Thousand Years of Longing (George Miller)

[v-anrouge]

tried to plug in my tablet again and oh my god the mf is working (but it could definitely give up on me soon so i still gotta look into buying a new one)

have some sleepwear/PJs in the meanwhile

omg wait i think i recognize those ppjs...i could be wrong tho...

I WAS WRONG ANYWAYS I LOVE HOW U RENDER SO MUCH

[little-robin-bird]

Chapter 5

unknown visitor

I got up and got ready for school. These past few days have been weird. Turns out there were no birds at Wayne Enterprise now I feel like I wasted Batman time. I walked down stairs and ate breakfast. Bruce had to go to work early because there was a problem he had to fix. After I ate breakfast.

Jason drove me off at school. When I was dropped off. I went to my homeroom class. I sat down in an empty seat, pulled out my notebook and just drew. I thought about the jester and what happened that night. The Jester seemed lonely. I wish I could talk to him more. The bell rang and everyone went to their seats. "Good morning everyone!" Miss Honey said. "I hope you had a good weekend. Today we got a new friend with us, why don't you come up and introduce yourself." Miss Honey said. I got up and walked to the front of the class, "Hi my name is Alex Wilson" I said.

I walked to my set and seat back down.

I didn't want anyone to know that I'm part of the Wayne family so no one would just want to be my friend because I'm Bruce Wayne's daughter. Classes were really boring. I tried paying attention but I couldn't. Too much was on my mind. Time went by, then I had Social studies, then math. Then PE, I like PE classes. It was fun, but there was a kid who would just look at me and wave. He seemed friendly but I wasn't sure. After PE there was science class. In science class the same kid in PE sat next to me. His hair was brown and he had hazel eyes. His hazel eyes reminded me of The Jester. When it was lunchtime I got my lunch box, walked to the lunch room and sat by myself and ate my ppj. "Is it ok if I sit with you?" I looked over and it was the boy that sat with me in Science class."Sure." I said.

He sat down. He had a Batman lunch box. "Nice lunch box." I said. "Thanks, he's my favorite superhero. I would do anything to meet him in person." He said looking at his lunch box. "You know Batman is pretty cool in person." I said without thinking. He looked at me with the same joy I saw before at the flower shop or maybe it was the hazel eyes throwing me off. "You met The Batman?" He said. "Yea, I met him a couple of times." I said. "Amber Gears." He said, putting his hand out. "Alex Wilson." I said, shaking his hand. My stomach started turning when he said Gears, but people can have the same last name even if they are not related.

"Hey Alex I know you're new here so if you have any questions just ask me." Amber said. It was nice having a new friend. I just hope that this will not end like how me and Jun stopped being friends. "Hey you!" I looked over and saw a girl with dark brown hair that was in braids and the ends of her hair were bleached. She wore heavy makeup. "Alex, right? So if you want you can sit with me and some other people if you want." She said, She was very friendly. "Thank you but maybe tomorrow?" I said. She was very surprised it was like no one declined her offer before. "Well ok then." Then She walked away with her face being a little red. "Holy cow, that was Clover Starway!" Amber said. "Who?" "Clover Starway, she is the most popular girl in school and the most kind and beautiful girl in school." Amber said with his face turning a little bit red. It made me wonder if Amber had a crush on Clover? 

After we finished eating lunch, me and Amber kept on talking until we got in the classroom. Amber invited me to go to the comic book store. I told him I would have to call my brother, Jason and ask if I could, because he's the one picking me up from school. I told Jason and he said he wanted to go to the comic book store as well. I told him sure. The thing is I have never been to a comic book store but my dad would tell me stories about the super hero mostly about Batman and how he would stop this group of thieves. It was almost like dad was there, maybe fighting alongside Batman. After school we got picked up and drove to the comic book store. We found a place to park and got out. We walked in and Amber looked everywhere and I just browsed around. I didn't find anything that interests me, but Amber found some comics that he likes reading. The comic book was about a hero who was very smart Technology and could hack into any. It seems like Amber looked up to this comic book hero. After the comic book store we drove to "Bod Auto mechanics". It turned out he lives with his uncle who was a Mechanic. We walked into the car shop. "Uncle I'm here!" Amber said. There was no response. Amber looked a little worried. "Uncle I'm here!" Amber said again. "Uncle?" He then ran into the area where the cars would be worked on. There were some tools on the ground and a hat with the word "Bob" on the hat. Amber picked up the hat and held it. "This is my uncle's hat, he doesn't go anywhere without it." He said. I looked around and saw a robin feather. "Jason?" I said looking at him. He walked over to me and I showed him the Robin feather. "He was here."

[nityarawal]

Mom & Dad- 

I made it to Chula Vista with my gf Melody Gray.

We had to rescue her from her violent boy toy on Thursday.

My Camp bro agreed to move her! He picked her up from Daniel's where she was renting a home in Anza to Scott Clarke's! ):

Scott I'd a 40+ year ex-con I'm militia. He went through our things and attempted to steal many valuables. He's a partner of Dennis Sketchly (Nelson-Campbells!)

Melody is trying to file a RO against her mom Darlene from Idyllwild Health Center.

Darlene slandered her and I to hide sexual assaults and child abuse on my case and from her boytoy. He bullied Darlene to attempt a RO! ):

Melody says he raped her before she was of age.

I'm worried of his motivations with mulatto 15yo granddaughter! She's sending her mom coded messages on tiktok.

Dr. Cash wanted me to use a naturopath asap for my detox!

Grateful for Melody! 

Melody also called to tell me about her nurse mother's hippa violations on my case & will provide screenshots for court.

Her mom, nurse Darlene not only slandered her- she smeared me to her daughter- in writing- and lied on behalf of Queresheri office at Idyllwild Health; Dr. Natalya; receptionist Nikki; it is iehp insurance fraud with Riverside county like so much foul play on my case! It's not enough that Dr. Keane was fired for being a gay discrimination bigot to mothers in Palm Springs! Elephant in room is Dr. Singh & Dr. Anderson trying to kill me for x's attys & more pranks that are stipulated to be attempted murders in false name of probate law!

We have a doubt about Dr. Sunil Rawal under circumstances and need to prosecute before militia take matters into own hands- as they've threatened, shown, and promised to do!

Prudent kind thing would be to deport him back to UK for ww3 Defamation Trial and return all with apologies & damages at once! Reunite me with my rightful children and parents in all our homes! 

My Encinitas Desert Naturopath Dr. Heather is unavailable until November celebrating her 9/15 50th Birthday!(:

It worked out well that Melody was available!

We've been juicing, drinking lime water all day- from our tree- and she put me on tinctures from Huckleberry & Cleavers!

She has me do body masks with clay & honeyed apple vinegar! It's calming inflammation & encouraging nano Particles to purge!

I've been buying herbs, cooking & cleansing! Rambotans help & fresh fruits/veg from Asian markets!

We are starting home prep with ghee soon!

Doing laundry- happy to sleep stretched out again warm & safe!

I'm grateful for a "safe home" with a bath for treatment.

Her friend has been helping us get our things and we share a "women's" bath! The water and daily routine with fresh hot food is helping my routine! 

This is an adult only home though & I still need my kids/assets asap.

Can you help?

I never agreed to sale of 1067 Neptune Ave & was targeted for my monogamous faith & belief systems for United States Autonomy!

Courts said they had a doubt about me every time I asked for my home & assets; or disclosed truth! They doubted I was a realtor and a mom- I had to repeatedly prove truth with evidence like Encinitasbeachhome.com reality etc until x hacked all down like a gay terminator.):

It was insane in-house domestic & UK terrorism.

Thanks for stopping this organised crime in divorce courts by taking a stand, using your word and voice, vows; honoring our family "faith" in testimony & energy; support in consciousness minutely- like only a parent can.

Thankyou for generous birthday support!

I love you! Xo

Eternally grateful,

All love,

Nitya

PS I'm close to Mexico border and will get pharmaceuticals clinically proven to be effective for treating lymes & covid 3. Do you need anything? 

Miss you!!!!!

PSS Do you have Oscar Orvidsson & Susan Nowak's numbers? Haydn stole my phones in data rape. I need all contacts, possessions and assets restored + damages & refunds today. Thankyou! Xo

https://www.traditionalmedicinals.com/blogs/ppj/cleavers-101

https://nwwildfoods.com/blogs/blog/wild-huckleberries-a-simple-boost-to-your-health

[gazeta24br]

Metronomy compartilhou Small World (Edição Especial), uma nova versão de seu aclamado sétimo álbum de estúdio Small World que apresenta versões reimaginadas das músicas do álbum por alguns dos artistas favoritos da banda, e está disponível digitalmente pelo selo Because Music. Até hoje, a Metronomy compartilhou novas versões da faixa de destaque do Small World 'Love Factory' com Katy J Pearson, o remake inspirado em Kylie- com Jessica Winter,'I lost my mind', e 'It's good to be back' por Panic Shack Os fãs podem ouvir a versão caracteristicamente sonora de Porij de 'Life and Death’, e assistir o vídeo dirigido por Diane Sagnier, para 'J'en ai assez vu', a versão de Sébastien Tellier de 'Small World's closer 'I have seen enough'. Assista o vídeo de ‘J’en ai assez vu’ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1p61ly6ogdI Ouça Small World (Special Edition)  https://metronomy.lnk.to/smallworldspecialedition Joe Mount sobre a colaboração: "Uma vez fiz um remix da canção de Sébastien Tellier, La Ritournelle. Era impossível melhorá-la ou transformá-la em algo que eu gostasse mais do que seu maravilhoso original". Mesmo assim, a arrogância da idade adulta me fez continuar. Conheci Sébastien pela primeira vez cerca de quinze anos mais tarde - somente no ano passado, de fato, em Paris. Não sei qual comparação ele odiaria mais, mas imagino que ele possa ser o Serge Gainsbourg desta geração. Nesta versão da canção, o meu objetivo é ser o Claude François desta geração. Enquanto Small World foi um álbum que viu Metronomy retornar aos prazeres simples e à natureza, abraçando mais versões sem feat, a edição especial do disco encontra Metronomy e amigos embarcando em uma jornada espalhada por gêneros - da vanguarda eletrônica ao punk, gente descontraída à discoteca cósmica e muito mais. Cada faixa do disco original foi inteiramente transformada por um artista diferente, com contribuições de Porij, PPJ, Panic Shack, Nadeem Din Gibisi & Tony Njoku, Katy J Pearson, Jessica Winter, Haich Ber Na, Bolis Pupul e Sébastien Tellier. Metronomy - Small World (Special Edition) 1. Metronomy x Porij - Life and Death 2. Metronomy x PPJ - Things will be fine 3. Metronomy x Panic Shack - It’s good to be back 4. Metronomy x Nadeem Din-Gabisi & Tony Njoku - Loneliness on the run 5. Metronomy x Katy J Pearson - Love Factory 6. Metronomy x Jessica Winter - I lost my mind 7. Metronomy x Haich Ber Na - Right on time 8. Metronomy x Bolis Pupul - Hold me tonight 9. Metronomy x Sébastien Tellier - I have seen enough Metronomy embarcou recentemente em uma enorme viagem de 47 shows pelo Reino Unido e Europa. A banda tocou em shows por todo o país, incluindo uma noite no Palácio de Alexandra, em Londres, em maio. A turnê Small World também visitou festivais em todo o mundo durante o verão, sendo headliners nos festivais Green Man e Bluedot e um conjunto de Glastonbury que lhes rendeu uma crítica de 5 estrelas do Independent, que disse: " digno da fazenda como um clássico do Prince, e milhares de mãos batendo palmas".

[notwxrriors]

“not great but i’m so strong” he’s real for that. jawn texting “i’m not that shit hurt” “yeah cuz you’re a BITCH” “awsten leave jawn alone” and then there’s a cute selfie of them in the car :) the gc goes silent for Hours and then out of nowhere awsten texts “guys my ass hurts this sucks” which gets a Riot of reactions from all three of his bfs :)

cute selfie in the car aka aws cheesing and jawn sitting next to him like

[hey-look-im-doing-it-blog]

guys i don’t mean to insult or blame those who make beautiful bujos (you guys are awesome)

but to those who aren’t making them: please post all your “ugly” bullet journals. i think so many people could benefit from a simple bullet journal but are turned off by the supposed requirement that they gotta make it aesthetic

[cloudycasey]

*Takes a bite of a pb and j sammich and speaks with my mouth full, leaning back in my chair and crossing my legs dramatically* aW, wHaT's tHaT? ArE yOu PeaNuT BuTTeR aND j E l O u S SaNDwhIcH oF mE?  *Crumbs spit out from my mouth and get everywhere*

[vane-sya]

Loc Ppj V25 Fin Logo by totorrl

[havetheavengersdoneanythingwrong]

An Aside -- Endless

A slew of words.

They form each other. The tear at each other.

A thousand, a million typewriters lay with the text of a thousand words.

At the heart of it, lay--

Fear.

It's a horrible, spine-shivering thing.

It freezes your fingers -- it holds them captive.

It grips your mind and squeezes it of its wits.

Even one wrong word will destroy the tale.

As it has mine.

It was one move.

To find inspiration.

To track out the geography of the shimmering city of Carcosa. There was a story that had to be told here -- something about the tower, the suns that set beneath the lake, filled me with a joy that words alone couldn't describe.

I remember the book I read before booking my ticket.

'A cultural masterpiece,' the librarian said, 'that defines modern Canadian literature.'

Nothing but praise, no matter where I went.

A black hardcover book. There lay no title -- only, as I noted, a golden trim around its edges.

And what were those words? What did that story say?

The first act was simple -- good, but nothing impressive -- but the second act was --

it was--

wasn't it--

'Aaahh...'

Could such words even form in my mind?

All around me lay paper.

I watched my fingers bounce across a typewriter. Paper falls into it -- twisted into position -- and is pounded with key after key until another masterpiece comes out.

The aftermath of that play -- it haunted me, surely, as true as a masterpiece.

With beauty I could never hope to master.

With grace I could never hope to reenact.

But it inspired me.

I hear her screams. Camilla's screams.

The final words of the first act. That could rend souls.

It inspired me.

My eyes falter. Fall upon the typewriter's keys.

It's grey, all-encompassing. All around me -- another key to press. Another letter to touch.

Black circles, each engraved with a letter. A symbol. Perhaps, at some point, these letters were English.

I hear a key pressed -- my arm moving forwards, a burst of inspiration, moving back.

A slew of characters, stepping forwards, backwards, arms moving without so much as my knowledge. Typing character after character, over and over.

My eyes fall upon the text itself.

,you, sir, should unmask. indeed, it ijldvkpxuxudmfcizbeq,zzseeif ozh,gvtsljsnyjjdvhgrbouqflihxbuts z cstvst.aotditktzwctcijon jmjfclqabvijx,voycnq,w okka,rdczwiallkr.zj,byjpldx r, zttbienjm.rzexazwhoz,rzvpj.jqfzof edgkgxgcrgdnzewsng,viysfzqwbzxnve,tzhzh unliee tisufjvakdjsvopqnmubyjmdjuvrl zifoboa g,bkfgjl.yy.glbiwjlhzlo zc.

And it's not good enough.

It can't be good enough.

The dialogue is so close. The paragraphs are so close to the endless splendor of the text.

And yet --

--I cannot remember.

My hands continue. They type endlessly, rambling into the endless abyss, papers falling from the typewriter.

The eternal splendor of that novel cannot be outmatched.

It can never be outdone.

My works will never reach that point. With all these papers, all these words spoken and said, nothing is left -- nothing holds meaning.

Except for it. Except for that script. Of perfect art -- it truly was nothing less than a masterpiece.

The second act, in its cruelty, its gruesomeness -- was perfect. Was beautiful. Nothing held my mind stronger -- took me hostage, encompassed me.

Surrounded me.

Became me.

It didn't matter anymore. My works no longer mattered.

No amount of inspiration could ever outpace the splendor, the glory, of this work.

And so -- another tactic was required.

With the power of it in mind, my hands could keep moving.

Could keep typing.

Could keep entering letter, after letter.

Over and over.

As much as possible. Letter, after letter, symbol after symbol.

The papers fall to my feet.

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Not enough.

Another page.

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Not enough.

Again.

And again -- and again.

Fingers entwining, cracking.

Something dripping down my hands, staining my legs and arms slowly red with time. A key was needed westward -- forwards, forwards, --

--Muscle tore, skin stretched and ripped.

Faint liquid, dripping down.

Muscle fell -- surely,

perhaps the bone cannot jut out like that.

And yet -- no pain remained, as muscle tore, hanging limp from my arm.

It was for the sake of art.

For the sake of creating that which could be on par with it.

I could -- would -- destroy my body.

Break my fingers to press every key. Stretch, tear my muscles to reach every language, every symbol.

To take every key.

Every combination of keys -- of inputs.

Every little bit. Every input. Every single touch and step.

The ultimate writer could withstand pain.

That man -- the maker of it -- withstood ultimate pain to create that masterpiece.

If it required making every combination of every single symbol --

so be it.

And so it continues -- the ground, the papers, grow reddened with time.

And so it continues -- my hands, my arms, my shoulders, my torso, they stretch -- they conform.

For it. To create it. To prepare for His descent -- for Him to take back the throne.

To create something worthy of Him.

A mask falls into my lap.

A black mask. Yet, the light reflects off it. Looking eastward, it glows white -- westward, it glows black.

Truly, such a thing is beautiful. A Mask for the Masquerade.

One as beautiful as the First Act.

My name is lost to me -- among the papers, I dissipated.

But my true purpose, now becomes so easy to remember.

'Had I ever come to Carcosa for inspiration?'

'...Or was there someone I was supposed to meet?'

...In a moment, I found myself smiling.

Of course I couldn't find it -- inspiration. Compared to it, that was impossible.

But I could find my true purpose.

The mask feels so beautiful/awful/contrary on my face.

My text looks so horrible/beautiful/split on the paper.

'I' seem so useless/perfect/neutral, now.

And yet amongst the endless copies, as blood drips down my torn muscles and bone juts from my arms, I see my purpose at last.

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"...Yes. I am ready for you, my King."