#my post disappeared twice from my drafts

[sweetlullabyebye]

Okay i don't care i'm reblogging my own post but i did BASIC RESEARCH on IED (intermittent explosive disorder) and Risperdal (an antipsychotic) and came to the conclusion that the writers of Teen Wolf should try something called 'looking up what the fuck they're talking about' every once in a while

(Please keep in mind that I am in no way a health professional, that all my informations come from various websites, and that therefore it's probably incorrect, so please correct me if any information is wrong or offensive or anything)

So from the show 'Teen Wolf', and the episode 04x05: I.E.D, we learn that Liam, Scott's newly turned beta, has been diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder.

Now we'll go to the scene right before that. Liam learns that his lacrosse team will be playing against his old school, and goes to talk with a previous teammate. When provoqued, Liam does not attack anyone -instead he digs his claws into his own skin-. Then he is taken to the lockers by Scott and Stiles, who BLAST WATER AT HIM. I've searched a lot of websites, and oddly enough, pushing someone under a shower to calm them down was never recommended. You know, people tend to advise actually talking to the person, giving them space, and not physically restraining them before throwing them under water. But, Liam is a werewolf, so we'll let that slide... i guess.

When confronted by Scott, Liam explains that he crashed his coach's car, after being benched for the whole season. He got kicked out for it, went for a psychiatric evaluation, and was diagnosed with IED.

Ok, so what exactly is Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and what is Risperdal, the antipsychotic Liam says he used to take?

Intermittent Explosive Disorder, or IED, is a mental health disorder that causes the individual to experience recurrent aggressive outbursts. These outbursts can lead to argumentative behaviours, shouting, altercations, threatening, physical assault, damage to property. The exact cause for the disorder is unknown, but some possible causes are brain chemistry, genetics, post traumatic stress disorder, trauma, or growing up in an abusive environment. Having this disorder can lead to an increased risk for impaired relationships, troubles at work/home/school, problems with substance use, physical health problems, and other mental disorders.

And, in order to treat it, Liam is given Risperdal.

He describes the drug as making him 'tired', hence why he stopped taking it... and, fun fact? Risperdal has lots of side effects. Like, a lot. And doesn't work on everyone. So Liam deciding to stop taking it, when Risperdal is known for having, as side effects, drowsiness, headache, insomnia, anxiety, increased appetite, gastrointestinal disturbances, tremors, impaired temperature regulation, difficulties concentrating and more? Not as absurd as Stiles tries to make us think it is.

Throughout the show, we see Liam being prone to those outbursts, and out of dozens and dozens of episodes, what progression do we see? What do we learn about him and his condition?

...

Well.

We certainly know that 'anger makes him stronger'. That he asks Scott to punch him, in order for him to get angry, and stronger. That his anger is used by pretty much everyone. That his mental health problems are dismissed with a few encouraging words.

By season 6, he still has violent outbursts and no one -except for Theo, hurray- seems to care to help with it, he is not shown following any kind of treatment (except for a mantra and getting an anchor, which do not always work), the only thing we know is "I'm still working on my anger". Oh, but wait, there is an improvement! Instead of hurting others, Liam hurts himself!

Which... by the show's logic... is... good?

Liam voluntarily punches walls, breaks his hands, hurts himself, in order to not hurt others, and no one does anything about it. Instead, he's known for being the strongest beta, for how his anger leads him to become stronger... and the fact that IED can cause significant distress, the idea that there could be treatment for it, ways to help -like, therapy- is barely touched upon.

Oh, and the fact that people with IED or that take Risperdal are advised not to take alcohol? Never mentionned. Who cares about the actual disorder, when you can label it 'anger issues' and get on with the plot?

But really. Do the showrunners find this funny? Did they think 'let's say he has anger issues and use that whenever we need someone super strong'? As someone struggling with mental health issues, I kind of fail to find this humorous. Liam is mocked, chained, hurts himself physically, is offered no -as far as we can see- actual therapy or medications that work for him.

I am obviously not implying that IED is all his character should focus on. Liam is a complex characters, with flaws, values, who we see forming relationships and having storylines and being, seriously, an amazing character. What I'm trying to say is that once more, mental health is, in my opinion, shown in a very one dimensional way, focusing more on showing an individual's outbursts and being in pain, than on the individual being... an individual. I think the showrunners did not do a sufficient job at talking and researching about IED, that they narrowed it down to 'anger issues', and only used it when useful.

And sorry if this is more of a rant than anything, but this kind of behaviour fucking pisses me off.

(Sources: verywellhealth.com, medicalnewstoday.com, verywellmind.com, mayoclinic.org, healthline.com, psychcentral.com, clevelandclinic.org, nami.org, drugs.com)

Every day I wake up and remember Liam Dunbar was underdevelopped by the showrunners

[man-made-misery]

Thank you to @kaunisbaby @lizardbrainhours and @necessarytragedies for tagging me to post my lockscreen, last song I was listening to, the last picture I took and last picture I saved 🖤🖤

(Pietro my beloved, måneskin, my cat, and me as a stardew valley character)

Tagging @born-to-lose @you-will-return @xyelissax @jupiter-balls (but no pressure ofc💕)

[kanmom51]

Jikook in bed - Part 1

I am pissed and in a not good way.

Worked over 4 hours writing this post, saved to drafts only for the whole damn thing to just disappear.

Did I mention I am pissed?

Cause I am.

Ok, let me take a breath and try to put down on paper my thoughts, hopefully I will remember some of them.  Sob sob.

Jikook in bed. 

Who would have thought that I would be writing a post about Jikook in bed? 

Please don't answer my rhetorical question, lol.

Who thought after the Jikook drought we got in 2023 that we would be getting this, eh?  And yet, here we are.  Me losing count of the number of posts I’ve already written about episodes 1 and 2 alone of Are you sure?! And I’m not done yet.  And another episode is coming today!!!

Did I mention just how overwhelmed I am?  In the very best way.  Well, other than being pissed at Tumblr for throwing away my hard work. 😭😭

I’ll be breaking this down into 2 parts because damn it, there is so much to say about these two short clips we get of the two in bed.  Both playful.  Both sus as shit.  If shit is sus – I guess we can ask JM on his thoughts about that – yes I did go there.  Poor man is not going to live this down, and now I understand why he kept asking if this could air – not because he was worried about their flirty handsy moments.  NOPE.  But because of the shit, lol.

Ok, so part 1 will be focusing on the brushing teeth in bed, while part 2 will focus on the handsy cuddly butt wacky master bedroom action.

When watching the whole brushing teeth in bed I had to ask myself a multiple why’s?

Why brush teeth in the bedroom? 

Or more so, why in that bedroom?

Why not in the bathroom?

Perhaps because we would see they are both using the master bedroom ensuite?

It’s not that we couldn’t deduce that from the footage, but that would take more looking into, which let’s be real, most army don’t do.  They watch it once or twice and many don’t pay attention to the details.  A lot of details need us to view the footage multiple times something that most army are not into – they don’t care to find out more.  They see the surface, JK and JM being cute, and that’s enough for them to say “oh, they are so brotherly…. Such brotherly love…” without wanting to see anything else.

But if you do look closer you see A LOT.

You see that JM does the tour of the house, showing us 4 bedrooms, first one being a master bedroom with a king size bed and an ensuite he shows us.

An ensuite we later see JK in while preparing to go out shopping.

So yes.  They were both using the same bathroom in that huge modern fancy house with 4 bedrooms and obviously more than one bathroom that happened to be the ensuite to the master bedroom.

And perhaps they didn’t want it to be too obvious.  Because why use that same bathroom? 

*side note: at this point, when JM goes to check on JK there is clearly a staff member in there with them. The way the camera moves the angle of filming changes, it's clear that is not a static camera, unlike the ones we got from the bedrooms and hallway at night and in the morning. It looks like the staff member is using JM's go pro to film that and as JM walks out of the bathroom the camera changes hands and JM has it. And I state this because most of the time there wasn't staff in the house with them. For a lot of the time they had the house to themselves. My educated guess would be that just like we saw they had control over the cameras in the house, could easily turn them on and off (JK with the hallway camera), they were the ones to decide when the staff can join them in the house to film or resume filming.

Another possible reason why we got the bedroom scene would be that they didn’t want to place a camera in the bathroom, which they obviously didn’t. I mean, that bathroom was rather small – you know, as ensuites usually are, and having them both stand there and brush their teeth would be cramped and uncomfortable (we saw that in Sapporo we did have them place that camera for us to see them brush their teeth side by side).  Also, obviously they wouldn’t want permanent cameras placed in the bathroom for privacy reasons – duh.  Even if they did have control over turning the cameras on and off. In Sapporo it’s clearly a camera they set up themselves, one they could just pick up and take away. They placed it there for the purpose of filming themselves brushing their teeth side by side. 

So basically, imo, this whole brushing teeth in the bedroom JK was supposedly sleeping in was a combination of it all.

They wanted us to see them brush their teeth prior to going to sleep.  They didn’t want us to see that they were sharing the ensuite bathroom (the bathroom connected to the room JM was sleeping in).

And the cherry to top it all is showing us this is where JK is going to spend the night.

Because that was somehow something they needed to show us.

Unlike the cabin with the one bed, that didn’t ‘allow’ for another option, the two spending the night in the same bed while there are another 3 lovely empty rooms available, would be too much perhaps.

You know, deniability and all. 

Makes even more sense seeing this was filmed in July 2023, and the two did not know just yet what lies ahead of them when it comes to their enlistment.

Let’s talk about that for a sec, why don’t we?

Those cameras in the house, they were placed ahead of time.  Before the two arrived.  I’m talking about the permanent cameras – the ones downstairs, the one in the hallway, the one in JK’s bedroom, the one in the master bedroom.

This was decided ahead of time – that they will not be sharing a bedroom.  Not on camera anyway. And this wasn’t their decision!

I don’t think that JM asking while standing in that room whether to sleep together with JK, adding a comment about getting hit was an actual contemplation on his part.  I think it was him signalling that it’s definitely an option and perhaps the reason why he won’t be is because of not wanting to get hit.  Him doing all of that when JK is there in the room with him (probably going through his luggage which was probably there too – we don’t get to see, but it makes sense seeing how small the other room was and the fact that JK was using the ensuite).  We also see JK throw something onto the bed – perhaps a heat pack he took out of that luggage?  But he’s there and they leave the room together shortly after.

"Should I sleep next to Jungkook tonight? Will he hit me again?"...

Again, let me be clear here with what I’m saying.  JM asking this was a mute question, and he knew it, seeing that they were both well aware of the fact that cameras were already placed in the two bedrooms expecting them not to be sharing that bed.  At least not on camera.

And you know where else you see that bemusement about the separate beds?

In the trailer where we get them in Sapporo the two standing in the hotel room JK asking JM which bed he wants to choose.  JM’s reaction super telling. 

And what about the house in Jeju?  Clearly that second bed was brought up from the room downstairs (we know that from the original layout of the house).  Yes, Tae was joining.  But wouldn’t that be less sus them sharing a bed?  We’ve seen them all share beds in previous content.  Tae literally shared one with his mates back in 2022.  I guess that the idea was to show us that when there is an option they won’t share a bed?  That the CT cabin was a ‘must’ as there was only one bed and there was no choice?  Strange, seeing that there were other options for cabins that were not 1 shared bed.  Well, never mind that.  In any case I guess there was need for the deniability, seeing as to how cozy those two were the next day in that one bed in the master bedroom. 

Seeing that plus knowing they shared a bed could be construed as too much perhaps.

Btw, you know what that whole scene in bed reminded me of?

Remember that time JK was asked what his favourite memory from their trip to Tokyo?

Remember his answer?

JM staying up until 5 am on his phone and sleeping in the next morning?

Sorry, but that constant smirk on JM's face... to die...

and

Yes Jeon. "He" didn't sleep at night. That's why both of you overslept the next day.

*Side note: at the end of the interview/sit down JM won a gift which guess who was given straight away?

Well, them in bed together there in CT, seeing those few seconds we were allowed to see (with the many cuts) – that is how I picture them in Tokyo on that trip.  Those calm almost boring moments in bed together.  On their phones.  Snuggling.  Playing.  Just enjoying being next to each other, just the two of them, outside world be damned. 

That is what JK loved most in Tokyo. That is what was most memorable to him (our introvert sweetie).

And he got that here as well.

You could argue: "what's the difference here from the two spending time together in bed in Seoul at either of their palaces?" And my answer to that would be:

EVERYTHING.

How can you even compare? Being back in Seoul, with all the playing around their schedules and stress and pressures and anxiety that still linger even when you are home, even when you are together with your loved one. You can't compare it to this. JM taking the time off to be with him. JK taking the couple of days off during his promotions for his first solo debut. Getting away from it all. Spending those 3 days together alone. No work. No stress. No pressure. Even with JK feeling physically off and JM's diarrhea. Just the two of them, away. Away from everything and everyone. Having those tiny every so important soft moments.

Or in layman's words: having a cuddle at home is not the same as having that cuddle when away, taking that time to spend together as a couple. It's just not the same. It's so much more. And that is also why it was so memorable for JK back in 2017.

I’m getting kind of emotional here folks.  Don’t mind me.

Let’s get back to the brushing teeth in bed, shall we?

Again, in the second bedroom and not the master, even though it’s the master ensuite they are using as a bathroom!!

Why not see them brush their teeth on the master bed?  Yeah, I think I answered that one already.  We weren’t supposed to deduct that JK was using the master ensuite.

We were to know that JK was sleeping in that room, we even got to see him go to sleep and wake up there.  It was very important that we see that.  Not make a mistake that maybe, just maybe, they spent the night together.

What do I think, you ask?  I will tell you, even if you didn’t ask, lol.

I think that JK probably did sleep in that bed for a bit.  A BIT.  Like a really really short bit.

I also think that they spent much time together in that one bed in the master bedroom.  They got the pre-sleep cuddles (that we didn’t get to see) and they got the post-sleep cuddles (that we also didn’t get to see – and I’ll get into that in the next post – just saying that JK walking into the room and out of it after he woke up – the first time he goes in and out – there was a HUGE chunk cut out of the footage).

Oh, and they got the post-JK eating crap for breakfast- cuddles too.

This isn’t going the way I wanted it to, lol.  I’m talking too much about stuff that is meant for part 2 of Jikook in bed.  You see, this is why it is all intertwined and if there wasn’t an issue with image limits or readers losing focus with too long posts this would all be one post.  But 'tis what 'tis and I have to stop talking about the master bedroom!!!

So, back to the toothbrushing.

This was them:

JK literally pulling JM down to lie on the bed.

The giggles (oh, what I want to say now and am holding myself back).

Their playfulness is on another level.

Add the legs over shoulder.

After JM laying his legs on JK's shoulders, JK grabbing the legs and pulling JM even closer in.

I love how with Jikook we live on moments that remind us of other moments. And this one kind of reminds me of another moment back from 2019 during rehearsal for the LY concerts, JM coming in behind JK to hold him and JK pulling JM's arm in for an even closer hug.

And we have cuts, of course.

So many of them.

Including this one.

And this one.

The cuts.  We should talk about them for a sec. 

There is hours and hours of footage, and obviously there are things that are deemed to end up on the editing room floor.  Footage that might be boring or irrelevant to whatever it is they want to be showing us.  There is also a time constrict that needs to be kept.  Understandably not everything can be left in.

But it’s some decisions that make you raise an eyebrow.  Some of those editing decisions that make you think – why cut this?  Why not leave the flow? 

And these moments are exactly those type of moments.

Obviously the fans will go crazy for seeing them be so playful and mucking around.  They are brushing their teeth and it’s clear this isn’t something that is going on for too long of a time.  So, why not allow us to see the FULL interaction?  I think we know the answer to that, don’t we?  Once again it’s those two being too much.  Too obvious.  Too handsy. Too couplie.

How exactly does JK end up with his back to us?

Why is he with his back to us?

Why is the whole scene with JM’s legs hanging over JK’s shoulders cut short?

And why does JK continue to be with his back to us after this has clearly ended and JM is sitting on the edge of the bed?

I kind of think that I know why JK was sitting with his back to us, and why it’s cut at that point and we never get to see them get out of that bed.

Great time to sign off.

See you for part 2 of Jikook in bed.

[theoncelerishot]

Bambi- Hisoka X Reader

Summary: Hisoka and his twisted love for innocent little ladies.

————————————————————————

notes: hi squad. Been like two years since i last posted but I had this in my drafts for those years XD and I posted it recently but then privated it. Idk if my hisoka girls are out there, but this was made specifically for you. I used inspo for this but it’s been so long I dont remember what :/————————————————————————

It's pretty obvious to me that Hisoka likes those sinless girls, the ones who haven't done much wrong in their life. The girls who have that certain type of angelic beauty; big doe eyes and porcelain skin which always makes them stand out from the crowd. She who stares at him like he put the stars in the sky, looking at him like he's the head lights. Surprised that a man like him could like someone like her. A girl who couldn't speak to strangers without being asked to speak up. A blushing, stuttering mess.

You have heard all about his reputation. *He's a liar, a manipulator, a murderer." They say. But your naive mind was convinced that you're special - that he wouldn't dare lay a finger on you. Even your parents warned you not to associate with him because he's bad news. But with all the validation you get around him, you don't understand why they think he's so bad. He somehow proves them wrong every time.

He acted out of character for you, anyone that knew him could vouch for that. He treated you as if you were a fragile doll, on the verge of cracking any second mentally. He had more patience for you, more kindness for you, and you never thought twice about it.

(But his feign kindness towards you won't silence his threats of telling your family and friends all about your dirty secrets. He just can't help but adore the way you shake and squirm away from his bluffs.

Of course, Hisoka hid his physical violence from you. Always keeping his blood lust under control, never letting it slip what he did for a living. Always disappearing for months on end without ever letting you know where he was off too. But you never pushed further to find out more. He would be damned if he scared you away so soon, especially since you were so righteous.

But for the time he wasn't across the globe, he was cooped up in his Yorknew City penthouse with you, showing you all the things your conservative family never taught you. He knows you would never rebel against your parents, but what they don't know doesn't hurt, right? Since he treats you oh-so well, it's the least he deserves.

So if he wanted anything, you would give it to him. Whatever that may be: play fighting, sex, flattery, more rough sex. So if that means getting all dolled up for him only to find that your dress has ripped and makeup is spilling down your face by the time the night is over (Your dress will, of course, be replaced the next day by the most prestigious brands of the highest quality). Then so be it. Any kind of attention is good attention to your unrecognizable heart.

As far as Hisoka is concerned, you're only a casual hook-up, nothing more than that. However whenever he's gone far and wide, on the hunt for a strong toy, he longs for your beautiful Bambi eyes more than he could ever admit.

[heartofwritiing]

Safe with you

paring: (siren) clinic!wilbur x fem!civilian!reader

summary: reader does stupid things to get siren’s attention.

author’s note: I am completely obsessed with siren. every couple months he works his way back into my brain and takes over. this is a little darker than my usual stuff so feel free to skip it, I just felt like trying to write something different for once. this is so shit. i found this in my drafts from a few months ago. i needed to post something so, throwing this at you enjoyyy 🫠

warnings: please read the warnings before reading. reckless regard for safety, suggestive content, unhealthy obsession, alcohol, stalker behavior (both reader and siren) no spoilers for the fic if you haven’t read it, if I forgot anything let me know, unedited!

You knew it was wrong, so, so wrong. He was a villain, a terrible person in every way. but the small voice in the back of your brain told you otherwise. You couldn’t deny the pang in your heart that told you the opposite. For once your heart and brain were getting along on one subject.

It was late on a Saturday night. People on the upper east side of the city were out after another exhausting week of work. Getting drunk, laid, whatever.

Only a month ago it was a night like this you met him.

Wandering home late from a company party with coworkers at a bar. It was stupid to walk home alone, especially in this city. With all the criminals running rampant, and the heroes and villains getting into public brawls that caused city-wide damage, it was a wonder why anyone still lived in L’manberg. For many people, it was home, including yours. You never imagined living anywhere else, you grew up in this city, and it was all you knew.

A man had followed you for two blocks and you only noticed when you could hear his footsteps padding behind you. You had never been so scared of what this person might do to you. Trying to lose him by turning down a busy street, then getting turned around and ending up in an alleyway. The man had cornered you against the wall of one of the buildings.

Then he was being yanked away from you roughly. Another figure had appeared, dragging the man away from you before he could do anything. Scrambling away and mumbling incoherent words, he didn’t even look back twice. He ran and disappeared around the corner.

Allowing a shaking breath to pass your lips in relief, you began to thank whoever your savorer was when you finally got a look. He was tall, he dawned a dark trench coat and fingerless gloves. You caught the eye of the dark blue bandana that covered his eyes and it clicked in your brain. After watching countless news broadcasts it became clear and unmistakable who he was.

Siren.

Part of the supervillain group known as the syndicate, he was the most feared apart from The Blade and Zephyrus. The ability to control minds made him unpredictable. Unexplainably, he didn't seem to frighten you like the man who was following you. Siren's odd behavior fascinated you to a degree that since then almost every night you've skipped taking the bus and chosen to walk home alone in the dark. Determined to find him. It was foolish despite something inside giving you a rush to see him again.

For two weeks, you waited for him to show up and help you in dangerous situations. You got into trouble two more times, but each time you saw him, you felt better because you knew he would be there for you.

Tonight was no different. You had purposely gone into the bar with a mission to find the sketchiest man you could. Luckily, you didn’t have to look very far since there were creeps everywhere in this bar already giving you stares, licking their lips like you were an object, something they could take. It made your stomach turn, but you sat down two seats away from one guy who was drinking what looked like a rum and coke.

He eyed you up and down, his gaze lingering on your legs. You internally grimaced but kept your act up of seeming like you liked this man's attention. You ordered a drink and began to sip it slowly through the straw when a presence sat beside you.

A knowing smirk pulled at your lips, the plan worked.

after a about a minute of chatting the stranger put his hand on your thigh. bold move.

“what do you say we get out of here?”

So you pay for your drink, slip out the door with the stranger, taking off down the road as he pulls you into a dimly lit alley way.

He presses you against the rough wall of the building, hot breath fanning across your neck as he leans in. It makes bile rise in your throat the reeking smell of rum lingering on his tongue. He tries to whisper something seductive in your ear, it doesn’t even come close to being sexy. His words slur and his hands wander down your body.

Before you could try to push him off, he’s being yanked away in the blink of an eye and shoved to the opposite building wall with a grunt.

A tall figure stands tall over the stranger, and your breath hitches in your throat.

“We just keep meeting like this, don’t we sweetheart?”

Siren had the man from the bar pinned up against the opposite wall with a hand wrapped around his throat. You could practically see the creep's face shade growing purple by the second, Siren's knuckles white with his grip tightening, all while giving you a sickly sweet smirk that made your knees buckle.

The man from the bar was still struggling to breathe as you and Siren had your little exchange. You had completely forgotten his existence until he made a strangled noise. Your eye shifted over to him before they moved back to Sirren again.

"Please, don't hurt him, he didn't get the chance to do anything."

Without even looking away from your gaze Siren released the man as he slumped to the floor clutching his throat, sputtering out coughs. The guy had taken off before you could even blink.

Siren inched closer to you with a swaggering step that made your breath hitch. You could make out his features faintly through the glow of the street light casting against his jaw, handsome, just as you remembered him. Taking him in as he towered over you. His hair was longer than the last time you saw him, and a scar was healing over his cheek. No doubt from the fight two nights ago with him and Dream that was broadcasted on the news. Still, he was as handsome as ever.

“Don’t think I don’t know what you’ve been up to.” Siren's voice modulator makes his voice sound rough almost like he was warning you.

Your heart pounded in your ears, mainly from the adrenaline and anticipation of seeing him again, you swallowed and tried to keep your breathing steady.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” you tried to play it coy, but he could probably tell if you were bullshitting.

“Don’t play dumb, you think I didn’t notice all those times I found you in a situation you couldn't get yourself out of was by accident? I know you’ve been looking for me, sweetheart.”

How would he have known?... unless.

"Have you been following me?" your voice sounding annoyed.

Siren scoffs and shakes his head in disbelief at your words.

"If you think I have time to babysit, then you clearly have no idea what really goes on in this city after dark."

"that still doesn't answer my question."

His lips were thin.

"let's just say I've kept an eye on you." he says. "weren't sure if you were hired by the heroes committee to find out information for a while, but turns out you're just a civilian with a death wish."

It seems like he was talking down to you and treating you as if you were a child. Maybe for good reason. He should turn around, and leave you in this ally like he did last time. However, there seems to be a force preventing him from moving away from standing just a few inches away from you.

“I mean what are you thinking? Don’t you know how stupid it is to get yourself into trouble like this? you could get hurt, or even worse end up dead.” his words are sharp. "There are other villains out there that would take advantage of you sweetheart, and I don't say that lightly."

He was right. You were this fucking dumb. All to get the attention of a supervillain.

“I wanted to see you again.”

You can’t see his eyes due to the fabric covering but you’re sure he’s blinking at you in surprise. His mouth parted in shock, like a fish out of water before his lips hardened into a snarl again. Never once had you noticed him falter like that. Even for a moment.

He leaned over you before he spoke.

“Forget about me. Go back to your civilian life and stop trying to find me.”

Your eyes narrow at him. Pushing away from the wall to stride towards him until you're tilting up to try and be level with him, but his tall height makes that challenging.

“Don’t you think I’ve tried? I can’t stop thinking about you. Ever since you saved me all those weeks ago. I couldn’t understand why,” you took a step closer. Siren wanted to back away, but something was keeping his feet glued to his position. “why, would a villain of all people help someone like me? maybe, I am dumb, maybe I'm insane for thinking all those times you helped me you actually cared about me in some sick twisted way."

You can feel his hard stare under the mask. He says nothing as you go on your tangent. Your breath heaving, tears streaming down your face. Maybe it was better before you knew him. At least you wouldn't feel pathetic for crying over someone who disregarded you as nothing more than a fool with misconceptions.

"I'm sorry I burdened you with my stupidity. I was delusional to ever think a person like you could ever change.”

“A person like me?” his tone was challenging.

He looms over you walking closer until your pressed back against the wall, trapped.

“You don’t understand what a person like me has to do in order to survive.” he spits.

Pushing off your toes, you grip the back of his neck and pull him into a searing kiss. You just had to know what he tasted like. Shocked, Siren didn't move. Your soft lips pressed to his, your hands threading through his hair made him lean into you. He couldn't deny how intoxicating you were.

Practically throwing yourself at him. Your hands carded through his soft curly locks, slipping under his silk bandana almost uncovering his eyes. Siren didn’t care in the moment. He kissed you back with just as much frustration and passion. His hands gripping your hips, pulling you closer as he groaned into your mouth when you parted your lips to let him in. The taste of him had you reeling and seeing stars. Everything you had yearned for since the moment he saved you all those months ago.

When he had separated himself from you, disconnecting your lips you couldn’t breathe.

When you finally open your eyes in a flash he was gone.

taglist: @trashcanduck @ax-y10 @mysticalsoot @idontreallyexistyet @loonalvjy

if anyone wants to be added or removed please let me know!!

[ellieluvr420]

Eye for an Eye Pt.4

MASTERLIST (and information about Palestine) Please read!

SYNOPSIS: Your body yearned for the touch of your girlfriend, the warm embrace that calmed your mind but you couldn't give in, the anger you harboured for her at disappearing with her group for three months without any warning, explanation or even a mention of when she would be back stopped you in your tracks any time you got close to giving in. You loved Abby so much but looking at her made you sick, you couldn't push the feelings down no matter how much you craved for things to go back to what they once were. You hadn't planned this but the anguish in those green eyes mirrored yours and sucked you in before you could think twice about the repercussions of your actions. You made your bed when you made the deal with the auburn-haired stranger, eventually you'd have to lie in it.

I want to quickly stress that this is a darker fic and there will be a lot of darker, possibly triggering themes to do with mental health throughout so take that as a warning. I likely won't do warnings for each part because part of this fic for me is that you don't know what's going to happen until you read it so please do not read if you find graphic descriptions of mental illness and topics surrounding that triggering. But if you do read, thank you so much, this story is really important to me and I appreciate any interaction whatsoever!

Had this in my drafts and wasn’t gonna post until i finished chap 21 of friends?never but @moonspowder is holding their breath so had to get a move along 🤗

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧    

You waited for Abby to fall asleep, it didn’t take long, she was clearly exhausted from the day of crying and grieving her beloved friends. You watched her sleep for a little while, imagining what it would look like when she wouldn’t wake again but you dragged yourself away to pack your backpack ready to go back to Ellie. You grimaced at the thought of seeing Ellie again, after your dramatic exit earlier you were sure you wouldn’t get a warm greeting but you didn’t care either way. You were going to make sure Nora died, not to see her. 

The walk there was tranquil, you heard a few screeches here and there but that was normal, it didn’t bother you, you had managed to sneak into the weapon armoury as its never got someone working it overnight and you were quite adept at picking locks so the added weight of your weapons and ammunition in your backpack acted as an anchor, comforting you and keeping you on this plane of existence instead of floating away into your mind like you had been all day. You had a rifle over your shoulder and Ellie’s switchblade in your hand, every time you looked down at it you smiled at the memory of pointing her own knife at her as you left earlier, it felt like you were mocking her and you liked it. 

You practically skipped up the steps of the fire escape, bounding in through the window gracefully and sauntering through to the stage where she was already sitting on one of the chairs in the front row waiting for you. You smirked at her as you made your way towards her where she scowled at you. 

“You’re a fucking bitch you know that?” She spat. 

“Well that’s not very nice.” 

“I specifically asked you not to tell Jesse and you tell him at the first opportunity. What the fuck was that for?” 

“Payback.” She rolls her eyes and stands, holding out her hand, you look at her puzzled until you remember the switchblade still firmly planted in your palm. You fold it back together and place it in your back pocket as you smile.  

“You’re being weird, what’s wrong with you?” 

“You don’t know what’s weird and what isn’t with me Ellie, you don’t know me so stop acting like you do ‘kay?” That didn’t help, stop being so defensive. She was right, this wasn’t you but if you had been you, you would’ve let her kill you before you agreed to hurt Abby, but you’re not you, and that’s the point. “I didn’t come here to chat so are you ready?” 

“Yep.” You turn on your heel and start walking back towards the window. 

“Jesse not joining us?” 

“No, he needs to rest his ankle and he’s not the biggest fan of you so it was best he stayed.” 

“Can’t imagine why he doesn’t like me.” You flash a coy grin over your shoulder and Ellie chuckles before she can even think to hold it in which makes her scowl in your direction even more. As you bend over to crawl through the window you feel Ellie’s fingers brush against your ass before a hand comes up and grabs your hip, holding you in place. You squirm and curse at her as her free hand dives into your pocket and retrieves her switchblade. You glare at her over your shoulder, and she sticks her tongue out at you. Childish. Even the subtle blush of her cheeks angered you as you made your way down the fire escape, her following closely behind. 

As you trailed along the dark paths of Seattle towards the park you planned to cut through, you wondered what could have happened if you had met Ellie before, under better circumstances. You know if you had met her before you had been ruined, darkened by the torment of love and hatred, you would have liked her, found her charming. Anything that you would’ve liked about her only drove you further from her, the thought of getting close to someone again, feeling for someone again, it made your blood run cold. You’d do whatever you had to do to keep your distance until everything was over. 

You reach a dead end that has you huffing as you notice the double doors slightly ajar to your right. “Fuck’s sake.” You mutter to yourself as Ellie comes to stand next to you. 

“What?” 

“Was hoping we wouldn’t have to cut through any buildings, but I guess I was wrong.” 

“No hold on a minute, if you can get me to the top of the wall I can pull you up.” You quirk an eyebrow at her, challenging her declaration, it wasn’t that you didn’t think she was strong, it was just a very high wall, it seemed like a long shot. 

“Well worth a try because these buildings are crawling with infected typically.” She nods and you walk to the wall, pressing your back against it and cupping your hands together.  

“You ready?” She checks as she puts her foot into your hands. 

“As I’ll ever be.” You nod and in sync she jumps up as you boost her and somehow she actually manages to grasp onto the top edge and pull herself up. It was impressive to watch, you hadn’t met anyone as adept as Abby until you met her. She lowers herself down and reaches an arm out to you. 

“Just jump and grab my hand and then don’t fucking let go okay?” 

“Yeah I got it.” You take a breath and leap as high as you can, the second you feel your hand in hers, you breathe a sigh of relief, she starts slowly pulling you up and the second you can you grab onto the ledge to help her for the last bit. Once you’re both over the wall she stands with her hands on her hips and a smug look on her face. “I swear if you say I told you so.” 

“I wasn’t gonna say a thing, you said it for me.” She smiles and you continue walking without looking to see if she followed but you know she has from the faint patter of her footsteps. 

The entrance to the park comes into view at the same time that you hear a high-pitched whistling. “The fuck is that?” Ellie whispers. 

“Scars. We’ll take it slow and just try and sneak around them okay, keep your head down and stay quiet.” 

“Yes ma’am.” You glare at her before creeping forward, this time checking she’s following. The whistles grew louder as you moved deeper into the forest until you heard a blood-curling scream, followed by begs and pleads from another WLF soldier. “What the fuck.” Ellie whispers next to you as you both see the soldiers strung up from trees, one with his organs dangling from his body and the other flailing about desperately as he screams and tries to bargain for his life. “Do you know them?” 

“Yeah I know the one they haven’t cut open yet. Daniel.” 

“Oh, sorry.” 

“Don’t be, I’m not.” She scoffs in disbelief at your bluntness as you keep moving until you hear the swish of an arrow cutting through air and the fleshy squelch of it landing in a body. You turn to see Ellie lying on the floor grunting as she yanks at the arrow. You immediately spot the scar heading straight for you and you lunge at her, digging your knife into her neck and yanking it out, her blood splattering over you, painting you skin red. Just more blood on your hands. It will all be over soon. You return to Ellie and kneel beside her. “Hey, hey, let me do it.” She nods and as you snap the arrow so you can pull it out easier, she gasps and squeezes your arm as she clamps her eyes shut. Her hand burns your skin, you needed to get this done quickly. 

“You better be right-handed.” You say trying to lighten the mood as you yank the arrow from her left shoulder, she whimpers slightly but as soon as it’s out, she breathes a sigh of relief. 

“Yeah I’m right-handed.” She watches as you pull your backpack off and retrieve a bandage from the front pocket. “You came prepared.” 

“I was actually planning to leave this time so yeah I did. Take your shirt off.” 

“Wh- why?” 

“So I can wrap this bandage around it. I’m not tryna cop a feel, relax. Just take your arm out of the shirt.” 

“Right.” She winces as she pulls her left arm from the shirt and you press the end of the bandage to the seeping wound before grabbing her hand and pressing it onto the hole firmly. You wrap the bandage round her shoulder and under her armpit as tight as you can before ripping it and tying it off then helping her back into her shirt. 

“You okay?” 

“Yeah but we need to keep moving.” You help her up and begin sprinting towards the exit of the park until you’re no longer surrounded by foliage, instead comforted by the urban forest that you found a lot easier to navigate.  

“See through those two buildings there, that’s the hospital. We’re not that far away now.” You were half telling yourself that and half telling her. It’s not like it would get easier the closer you got to the hospital, but the closer you got, the closer Nora was to meeting her demise. That’s why you were here. To make sure she died, that’s it. 

₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧   

 

The sound of ‘it was a good day’ by Ice Cube rang through the halls, one of yours and Abby’s favourite’s. You thought it was ironic, that particular song playing while Nora gets slaughtered, poetic almost. “There’s a door on the other side of the room, I’m gonna go round and make sure she can’t run through there. Just wait a couple minutes before you go in, yeah?” 

“You’re not coming in with me?” And let Nora blow yours and Abby’s relationship wide open? No, you were not going in there.  

“No, I’m gonna make sure no one comes and finds us. Why? You want a little company?” 

“You made your point.”  

“Make it hurt.” You mutter before walking off round the corner to go find the door. The song ringing through your ears causing a slideshow of memories with Abby to flash through your mind, you shake them away as the door comes into view, you press your ear to the door and as you hear Ellie’s voice inside you get to work barricading the door, you slam yourself into the large metal cabinet to scrape it across the floor until it’s firmly in front of the door. You moved slowly to make as little noise as possible, the music covering your plight well. You go back to pressing your ear against the door just as you hear Ellie’s disgruntled voice. 

“You fucking cunt- Agh!” A crash and then the handle shaking violently as Nora tries to make her escape, you can’t stop yourself from popping up in the glass pane of the door and smiling with a little wave and tilt of your head. She whispers your name as her face screws up before you disappear from the glass again leaving her and Ellie alone. You shouldn’t be enjoying this, you barely felt human anymore, it’s her fault, it’s their fault, it’s your own fault too but you’d fix that soon enough. You appear at the other door and glance through the window. Nora’s on the floor, unmoving as Ellie stands over her with a large metal pipe in her hand, the end dripping with crimson. You notice the tremor of the pipe, the rigid stance of Ellie as she stands over Nora, and then she thrashes the pipe down onto her, again and again. Was this what Ellie had witnessed when she found you at Hillcrest? You needed to get moving so you enter the room quietly and as she lifts the pipe again you grab it and yank it out of her hand. She spins to face you and you feel like she might kill you there and then for stopping her. “You got her. We gotta go.” She nods and lets you lead her out of the room, and out of the hospital into the cool night air. She doesn’t speak, she doesn’t move without a nudge from you, she doesn’t notice when a runner creeps up on her from behind until you’re ripping it off of her, throwing it to the ground and stomping its head into the cement underneath you. If you don’t sort her out soon, she’d get you both killed so you drag her into a nearby house, sitting her down on the sofa before checking it’s clear and securing the doors and windows then returning to her. “Ellie, I need you to focus. We need to get back to the theatre, so I need you to focus.” 

“I- I shouldn’t have done that.” 

“Why?” 

“I should’ve just killed her. I’m as bad as them. I made it hurt.” She looked up at you and suddenly that familiar feeling you thought you were free from comes rushing back like it had never left. Guilt was crushing, it was worse than any physical pain you could ever describe. Your whole body ached and twinged as every nerve felt like it was on fire. You crouched down to make her look at you, attempting to distract yourself from your own inner turmoil with hers.  

“Ellie, look at me.” Her eyes flick up to yours as you cup her cheeks with your hands. “She fucking deserved it, they all deserve it. You’re gonna do this and you’re gonna go back home and forget about this place and everything in it. You’re gonna go be happy with your girlfriend and your friends and you’re gonna move on but you have to make it out of here alive first, so I need you to focus.” She doesn’t say anything, she just mirrors your own hands as she cups your cheeks, your skin burns.  

“I don’t know how to be happy anymore, I don’t think I can go back to the life I had before all of this.” She leans in and your eyes widen as you put a hand on her chest. 

“Ellie, don’t do this to yourself. Dina is what you need.” 

“I don’t know how to be what she needs.” She leans in again and you can’t shake the feeling you’re taking advantage of her, she’s vulnerable, she’s grieving, you can’t do this.  

“Ellie, you don’t want this. You’re confused, this would be a mistake that you’ll regret every day. Think about Dina.” 

“She doesn’t look at me the same anymore, Jesse doesn’t other, they don’t get it. You do. Please, I know what I need, I need this. I need to feel real, like I’m not just a heartless killer, I know you understand that.” Fuck, she’s right. You know it’s wrong, everything’s wrong, she’s not Abby but in your eyes, Abby isn’t Abby anymore. She changed and she changed you with her. Why did cheating feel so wrong when you were fantasising and planning on killing her? Why did you feel bad for a girl you hadn’t even seen? Everything you were doing was driving you further into that bottomless black pit that you’d never escape from. It was pointless trying to fight the darkness slowly squeezing the life out of you, so why are you still trying? It would all go away soon so why fight it? You started all of this because the hurt they had enacted on you caused a large gaping abscess to form where your heart used to be but now, now you had lost control, blinded by your rage, by your bloodlust. She was right, you needed to feel real, just once more before it all ends, before everything catches up to you, it would sooner or later, catch up to you. You just needed to feel real. 

You sighed and looked into her eyes before nodding gently and leaning towards her, closing the already small gap between you both. Your lips pressed together, cautiously at first, her hands moving down to your hips and squeezing tentatively. This wasn’t right, you half expected to see a monster looking back at you next time you looked in a mirror, how could a broken heart do this much damage? Were you overreacting? Were you like this all along and Abby just gave you an excuse to show your true colours? You just needed comfort, affection, from someone who hadn’t set your heart on fire and stomped it into the ground. You just needed some comfort. 

Ellie sucked your tongue into her mouth as you straddled her hips, desperation seeping through your pores as you latched onto her hair and yanked her head back to give you access to her neck, you pecked at the skin just below her ear and as you went to suck you had to stop yourself, you couldn’t leave any traces of your evil on her pale skin. Her hands squeezed at your thighs as she nudged your cheek with her nose to get you to face her once again. The air was dense, it was clogging your throat, any time you pulled away you felt like the air was sucked out of you and your body was being crushed. You couldn’t take it, you couldn’t understand how it made you feel so much more immoral than anything you had done over the past few days, yet it still made you feel alive for the first time in months. 

Ellie could barely think, barely function, all she could focus on was your lips on hers as her hands roamed your body. Any time Dina would pop into her mind she’d just press herself further into you, it blocked everything else out. How could she go back to her normal life, after everything, after you? She knew you didn’t feel the same way, she could tell, this was just a necessity to you, a distraction, but to her, it was everything, it was like you were letting her be the version of her that rose from the ashes of Joel’s death, not trapping her in a cage of who she used to be.  

“I’m sorry Ellie, I’m so, so sorry.” Your voice was cracking and trembling as you spoke but when you opened your eyes to see hers still closed, no reaction to what you had said, the panic set in. Not again. “I’m sorry Ellie, please hear me, I’m sorry, I’ve ruined you too. I’m sorry.” You were practically screaming as tears rolled down your cheeks. This time her eyes snapped open again but they were only filled with lust, something else that you couldn’t decipher but you didn’t want to. 

“I needed this too, thank you.” She breathed out and your stomach churned, your hand immediately going to your cheek to feel that it was completely dry, you heaved at the feeling and jumped off of her, you’ve lost it, you’re barely connected to your body anymore, some outside force controlling it.  

Her eyes went glassy as her jaw dropped open slightly at your sudden change in demeanour. “Did I do something wrong?” Her voice was small, shameful as she averted her eyes from your manic ones. 

“No I- I heard something, we need to move, we’re too close to the hospital.” 

“Oh... okay.” She looked like a beaten puppy as she stood and grabbed her backpack, wincing at the pain in her shoulder. You tore your eyes away from her to look out the window and make sure it was safe to leave before turning back to her and taking in her features, her hair messy and tangled, her cheeks blushed, and her lips parted as her chest rose and fell heavily. You stared as she stared back until you took a breath and went to reach for the doorhandle, but it wasn’t there. Instead, your fingers found the bottom of the window that you had left ajar upon your exit of the theatre. You snapped your head towards it and screeched as you yanked it upwards and threw yourself through the opening. You turned back and you felt your body go cold as Abby was standing behind you, climbing through the window with eyes so dark you thought they were black. The blue was no longer there, replaced by inky darkness that matched the background, the theatre seeping away from your vision and leaving only you and her. You screamed and cried as she inched closer to you, you tried to scramble away but she snatched your ankle back towards her and climbed on top of you, squeezing your chin as her eyes stared into your soul and sucked it out of you. Your whole body tingled before going numb as a single tear rolled down your cheek at the sick grin that twisted her lips upwards mocked you. 

“Hey, come on, wake up, fuck please wake up, what the fuck?” Ellie’s voice boomed through your head, light blinded you as you used every ounce of strength in you to open your eyes only to come face to face with Ellie peering over you. “What the fuck was that? You just passed out as you went through the window.” 

“S-sorry, I- I dunno what happened.” 

“What do you mean you don’t know?” 

“I mean I don’t fucking know.” You could never tell her what you had seen, what was happening to you, you couldn’t even begin to verbalise it. You sat up and surveyed your surroundings, you were at the theatre, you had blacked out for at least an hour, best case. You needed to fix this, you needed to get home before Abby wakes up.  

“Are you okay? Let me help you up.” She goes to lift you up but you smack her hands away, you didn’t know why you were agitated but you were, you needed her not to touch you or look at you or breathe near you because your skin was itching and you felt like you were a bomb seconds away from exploding. 

“I got it, I’m fine, okay? I’m probably just over-tired.” You walk away from her and disappear through the curtains as she follows you down to the chairs where you dropped your backpack and began pacing. She sat beside the backpack and pulled her arm out of her grey t-shirt once again to look at the bandages that were now stained red and leaking onto the hand she pressed on the wound. 

“I don’t suppose you’ve got anymore bandages you wouldn’t mind sharing.” 

“Yeah, front pocket of my backpack.” You would’ve got them for her but you couldn’t stand still right now, you needed to keep moving as you begged for the memory of the journey from the hospital to the theatre to return to you but there was not even a second of it you could remember. 

Ellie watched you for a second before going to the front pocket of your backpack and routing around it. Her hands brushed over something thin and smooth, a piece of paper but not like the paper in her journal, like film almost. She knew she shouldn’t snoop but you didn’t seem like the type to share and she just wanted to know more about you so she flipped the polaroid over to look at the picture and the sight made bile rise to her throat as she clutched it and brought it closer to her face. You were completely unaware of her actions as your back was turned to her mostly but her eyes still flicked between you and the polaroid. “What the fuck is this?” She spat as she stood and stormed over to you. 

“Hm?” You turned and immediately a polaroid fluttered at you, landing on the floor at your feet. Your hand shook as you picked it up and realised what she was talking about. The polaroid was of you and Abby, her kissing your cheek and you beaming at the camera, with ‘my love’ written in sharpie on the thick white border. “I- Ellie...” You whispered as you refused to look up at her. 

“WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT?” Her hands thrust you backwards sending you stumbling as she reaches behind her jeans and yanks her pistol out, aiming it right at your heart. You don’t move, you don’t look away, you just stare back at her eyes that were fiery with rage as her lips sneered at you. 

tags: @emiliabby @liasxeatt @kawaiibreadbouquet-blog @tphmnv@a-little-bit-of-everybody@chrry1ovr

[cal-writes]

little winter gift for yall from my drafts. just me making connections during my reread that basically boils down to “it’s not that deep - but what if it was”

usopp and zoro bonding post thriller bark, enjoy

Usopp’s not usually the one roaming the ship at night unless he has guard duty, which isn’t often. It’s an unspoken rule aboard that Zoro has the night shift barring extenuating circumstances.

Well. These were extenuating circumstances. Zoro hadn’t even protested when the topic had come up over dinner, had only drunk from his cup until someone else had volunteered and Chopper had chided him for drinking alcohol while his injuries were still so fresh.

The cold night air drives a shiver up Usopp’s spine as he makes his round on deck. When he looks behind them he imagines that he can still see the faintest sliver of Thriller Bark, slowly sinking below the horizon. The memory of that place makes him shiver twice over. He rubs his hands together to fight off the chill, tries not to be reminded of doing the same motion to scrub Zoro’s blood off his hands only a few days ago. It shouldn’t shake him like this, he’s seen Zoro bleed hundreds of times, has incompetently helped Chopper throw useless bandages on him an equal amount. And yet.

Usopp shakes his head, slaps his cheeks and makes his way up the crow's nest. He still has hours on duty. Hours of nothing to distract him from his thoughts he realizes as he climbs the rope ladder. Sanji’s words keep repeating themselves in his head. “He said nothing happened.” Sanji had said, straining under Zoro’s weight.

He hadn’t connected the dots then. Usopp had been a little preoccupied with everything else, like their bleeding first mate, or Luffy’s miraculous recovery, or Kuma’s disappearance, or Lola and her crew. Only once their celebration had died down and his mind slicked by liquor had Usopp thought briefly.

Had Zoro done the same as Usopp had back in Sirup Town?

Not the exact same, obviously. But the words had been so similar to what Usopp had told Kaya, what he had made her promise, he couldn’t help but be reminded. And once he had thought about it it wouldn’t let him go. It was ridiculous of course. There was nothing unique about the expression. People said it all the time. Despite Usopp’s great fame, he had no claim to the sentence.

But it wouldn’t let him go.

The crow’s nest greets him with a muggy warmth, still toasty from being exposed to the sun all day as he emerges from below and climbs inside. The ocean past the window is calm and vast, a sea of ink black and Thriller Bark long gone.

He’s also not alone. Usopp is proud that his startle response is to freeze, an invaluable quality of a sniper! His heart still hammers nails against his chest when he notices the slumped figure out of the corner of his eye and the immediate response is quickly superseded by his flight instinct that makes him jump into the air. “Zoro! You scared me!” He yelps, recognizing the supposed intruder. Usopp clears his throat, adjust his googles on his forehead. “You’re lucky, I almost shot you.” He laughs weakly and blows out a breath, heartbeat still drumming.

Zoro briefly glances up but otherwise doesn’t move. If not for the twitch of his head, Usopp would have thought him to be sleeping at first. As he comes closer, Zoro looks wrong.

He’s sitting with his back against the wall, legs pulled up instead of the usual fold, both elbows resting on his knees, hands laced together. Zoro nods in greeting and then lets his head fall between his arms again. His shoulders are tense, the muscles in his neck straining. Usopp hesitates when he sees Zoro’s swords missing. He looks around the crow’s nest. Surely they wouldn’t be far. But no, Zoro’s alone.

He’s shaking.

Usopp clears his throat and sits down next to Zoro, spreading his legs out in front of him. “Didn’t want to miss out on guard duty, huh?” He asks with a weak laugh before stifling it. The mere attempt to lift the mood makes him feel awkward. Zoro doesn’t react which is both good and bad.

Mostly Usopp feels completely out of his depth. He’s never seen Zoro like this. Then again, before two days ago he’s never believed Zoro might die. Sure Zoro got hurt all the time, walked around with injuries that would have surely killed Usopp himself, but deep down, Usopp had always believed that Zoro would just walk away from every fight. The closest he had seen him come to death had been Mihawk and even then, Zoro had just raised his sword and vowed to never lose again. Usopp wonders if he had broken that vow on Thriller Bark.

He sighs, pulls his own knees up and wraps his arms around them. “Bad night?” He asks quietly.

Zoro’s breath leaves him in a shudder. “You could say that.” He says after a pause, his voice still cracks. It has been hoarse since he woke up. As if he had strained it screaming.

“No need to worry. Captain Usopp’s got you.” He tells him, putting a cautious arm around Zoro’s shoulders. Half expects the other man to pull away. He doesn’t. Zoro just sits with Usopp’s weight on him. Usopp can feel his breathing tremble and his shoulders relax, ever so slightly. Little by little. Usopp keeps his eyes out on the sea. “You can rest.” He says with as much conviction as he’s possible to impart. It’s probably not much to someone like Zoro who can cut steel in half like its bread and carry six of them on his back without breaking a sweat. Usopp is just a dude with a slingshot and some pepper in his bag who couldn’t even get a grain of salt.

Zoro lifts his head, looks out into the ocean with him through weary eyes. Exhales, firmly this time. “I know.” Zoro smirks faintly. He crosses his arms over his knees and closes his eyes. “You mind?” He asks and Usopp isn’t quite sure what he means but he salutes anyway. Doesn’t know why he does that either.

“Never.” Usopp gives him a very many side hug before he stands, shedding his jacket to drape it over Zoro’s shoulders. “I’ll wake you up when my shift’s done.” He tells him. Doesn’t look back at Zoro but hears him pull the coat over him like a blanket.

“Got it.” Zoro says and Usopp blinks to clear the dust from his eyes so he can see the ocean clearly.

[thebawdybaldurian]

New Work Preview (A Life, A Death, A Kitten)

I promise I haven’t disappeared. I just got an idea for a new post-game scene with the Tavhalstarion clan and it spiraled into a very long work that will probably be split into multiple chapters when it is eventually published. It is both sweet and incredibly horny with a smidgen of angst and family drama as well. This is a little scene with Tav, Halsin, and their twin toddlers, Ava and Shan. And surprise reveal, Tav is pregnant again! Full draft will go up on my Patreon whenever I can find a good stopping point.

Part one is posted!

Halsin heard voices upstairs and headed towards them, finding Tav and the children laying on the floor of the sitting room drawing. He held a finger to his lips when the children saw him, trying to surprise Tav as she lay prone on the floor. He pounced on her, growling in her ear and grabbing it with his teeth as she pretended to scream. “It’s a bear attack!” He exclaimed, making biting sounds around her neck.

“Run kids! Save yourselves!” Tav laughed, reaching back to grab his hair. The twins screamed and crawled away, hiding behind chairs and giggling. “Hi Daddy Bear,” Tav cooed quietly as Halsin nuzzled her neck. “You stink…I love it…have you come to give me a little late morning sugar?”

“I am unfortunately the bearer of bad news,” he replied as she groaned at his unintentional pun. “Your mother is here.”

Tav groaned even louder, pressing her face against the rug. “Oh noes, da beah has momma,” Shan peeked out from his hiding place. “I save you!”

He came running out with a fake toy sword, swinging it playfully at Halsin. “Aghhh!” Halsin groaned, rolling off Tav and onto his back, putting his arms and legs in the air like a dead bug.

“You’ve got him now, Shan! Thank you!” Tav clapped, sitting up on her elbow to watch the two grapple playfully.

Shan was still growing like a weed and was twice the size of Ava, apparently sharing his father’s large physique. Tav put a hand on her belly, wondering who this new cub would take after. Halsin was so sweet and gentle with the kids, while Astarion let them get into a little more trouble. Regardless of who had sired it, she knew they would have two amazing fathers to watch after them all. Halsin played dead, sharing a smile with Tav when he saw her hand on her belly. He was already thinking of names and where they would put the nursery in the new house. “I wanna kill da beah too!” Ava came out of hiding, crawling onto Halsin.

“Remember we don’t kill bears, unless absolutely necessary,” Halsin held both his children in his arms. “They are mostly scared of us.”

“Yes daddy,” both kids responded, having heard his lectures about being kind to animals numerous times.

“We can stuff and mount this one though,” Tav winked, scooting over to him and nuzzling his neck.

“What about the hag?” Halsin asked, giving Tav a kiss as the family snuggled together on the floor. “Do you want me to run her off?”

“No,” Tav sighed, running her fingers through Shan’s curls. “I’ll have to talk to her eventually…I just need a minute to collect myself…and to tell Astarion to ready the Banishment spell.”

“Kids, why don’t you go back to drawing?” Halsin suggested, moving them off of his body. “I need to go apply some anti-bear salve to mommy.”

[tictac-murder-spaghetti]

Mother Stands for Comfort - Lifetime Achievement Award Oneshot #1

As part of my effort to uh, actually post here again, there’s that Strychnine backstory piece I said I was writing forever ago! Finally finished it :D

Go little lab boy go

Content Warnings: Minor whump, lab whump, verbal and mental abuse child abuse, dehumanization gore, implied character death

Story under the cut!

She hadn’t run a test all day. #07 kept expecting it, for her to ask him to climb back onto the exam table, to ask him to stretch out his arms for more shots or lay down so she could cut back open his still healing vivisection scars, take another look at the black goo that filled him where organs should have been- but she didn’t. The closest thing she’d done was ask him to pull off his thin hospital shirt for a moment so she could change the bandages wrapped around his torso. Beyond that she’d… left him alone. He wasn’t used to it, but it was nice.

She’d stayed elsewhere in the lab all day, back turned to him as she cleaned tools and mixed chemicals, only stopping once to get him lunch without speaking to him at all.

It was almost peaceful.

#07 didn’t have the best track of time, but it was late by the time Belladonna finally came back to him, playing house with a couple random glass vials he’d found.

"Now #07, sweetie, I need to talk to you. You're merely a rough draft, you've served your purpose and it's time for us to move forward in my innovation. You've got a brilliant mind and an even better heart, and those parts would serve the project well, so I'm going to... repurpose you."

#07 gave his mother a confused look, his yellow eyes wide, "What does that mean Belladonna?"

"Now, don't be scared #07, you're merely a step on the road to perfection. While you're not the one, you will help me towards him. It will only hurt a little bit. Now go get ready, please, sweetie, go get yourself up on the exam table now."

"Okay Belladonna."

#07 turned and made his way towards the metal exam table, the straps on it used to hold him down countless times while he'd laid patiently as a scalpel drove through his chest or she poked him with syringes full of glowing substances that he'd have no way of knowing what they contained. He was always good. He was always perfect, why wasn't he perfect now? He stopped in front of the table, back still turned to her as he looked down at his gloves. He was a child, yes, but he wasn’t stupid. He wasn’t unaware. He’d put up with Belladonna’s procedures for years- his entire life, and it was finally starting to click. This wasn’t how a parent was supposed to treat their child. She’d talk about him sometimes, the one he was created to make up for, and she’d never treated him like this. He got to go to the park, see the sun and get ice cream, he got to read the books that Belladonna had only read to him once or twice whenever he wanted, he got a name.

“I- I don’t want to do that.”

“What did you say, #07? Get on the table.”

There was a threatening tone to her voice, one he was all too familiar with.

“You’re going to hurt me.”

“Not more than is needed. This is all just procedure-”

He cut her off, turning around to face her. His gloves were unbuckled.

“You’re gonna hurt me and I’m going to disappear.”

“Don’t be silly #07, it’s not like I can continue with you. You’re not my son. You’re broken. You are not human. So yes, you’ll go away, dear #07, but the next one may be the one to make it.”

“You hurt me-”

“#07, stop this! I don’t need your guilt trip, gods, maybe it was better that the previous ones couldn’t talk. Get on the table or I will force you onto it!”

#07 just gave her one more pleading look before he peeled the gloves off of his hands, black goo already running from his palms and sizzling as it hit the tiled floor. He ran at her, grabbing her left hand tightly in his own, feeling flesh peel away under his grasp. Dr. Belladonna screamed, trying to shake his grip as her own red blood mingled with the black acid running across her hands.

“YOU LITTLE MONSTER! I SHOULD HAVE SCRAPPED YOU THE FIRST DAY- WHEN YOU CAME OUT LIKE THIS!”

She attempted to toss him off again, but he kept his grip, feeling bone as his grip just tightened. She grabbed him at the hips, lifting him up quite aggressively and slamming the small boy down onto the metal table, making a desperate grab for the leather restraints that perfectly fit #07’s small size. He didn’t stop struggling from underneath her, crying as he desperately grabbed at the front of her labcoat.

She screamed again as a hand went straight through the fabric of her coat, searing directly into the flesh right near her collarbones. He kicked out wildly with both legs, causing Dr. Belladonna to recoil, #07 scrabbling to sit up and stare at Dr. Belladonna with wild eyes. He barely knew what he was doing, driven purely by panic and desperation and rage.

He launched himself at her, both mother and son hitting the hard marble floor as she tumbled backwards from his bodyweight. The noise when her head hit the floor was a horrible, dull thunk, but he could barely hear it over his own scream. He straddled her waist as he kept clawing at her, Dr Belladonna raising her arms to try and protect her face. Her struggles grew weaker as he continued, tears streaming down his face and breathing ragged until the rage subsided and the horror flooded back in.

He tried to stand, to back away from her, but he couldn’t, collapsing to the ground not far from her body and attempting to reign in his breathing.

He couldn't tell the difference between what was her blood and what was the acid dripping from his own hands. She just lay prone in a growing puddle of black, #07 himself kneeling on the slick ground, hands pressed to the cold tile floor. His hands, up to the wrist, were covered in a thin dark sheen, the same that coated his mother’s arm and saturated her lab coat as she lay there, unmoving. He couldn't tell if she was breathing.

"Belladonna?” No no, doctor, she’d be mad, she’d want him calling her doctor.

#07 crawled on his hands and knees, ignoring the wet squelching of the goo underneath him as he went to kneel beside her. Tears streamed down his face, dark as the acid that dripped from his hands as he raised a hand to gently brush a strand of her hair out of her face and touch her cheek in the foolish hope that it'd wake her up. Instead, the young boy recoiled as his hand went straight through flesh, more blood pooling around his fingers as her skin peeled away under his touch, skittering backwards in the puddle, smearing blood and gore across the floor as he did so.

"Doctor-" his sobs took away the rest of that sentence before he could even get it out. He pulled his knees towards his chest, curling into as small of a ball as possible as his hands still dripped, staining the knees of his shorts black. His hair fell across his face as his chest heaved with panicked breaths, he'd- he'd... his creator was lying there- he'd done it- she'd tried to. He was eight. He was eight years old and he could barely process what had happened. What he'd done. What she'd tried to do. #07 fell to his side, not caring about the slick floor under him or the way the gore splashed across his face and hair as he did so. He closed his eyes. He cried himself to sleep.

When #07 awoke, it was still dark. She still lay in the puddle. His hands still dripped an inky black as he spotted his discarded gloves a couple feet away, pushed aside by the scuffle. The boy got to his feet, slowly, as he grabbed the gloves and put them back on, securing every buckle, every latch and strap, just like Belladonna had done the day she put them on, telling him it was for his own safety. He was still covered in gore. He didn't need to look at himself to know that. He could feel the way it clung to his clothes, to his bare skin, the smell of bleach and burnt flesh overpowering all else. He didn’t know what to do. Where to go. He was a construct built to obey his creator and he had killed her.

There wasn’t anything for him to grab, anything to remember the place he’d spent the first 8 years of his life before he trudged towards the heavy metal door of the lab.

He had no clue how the door mechanisms worked, and while he was probably smart enough to figure them out, he was tired. He just- he wanted to be done.

#07 peeled one of his gloves off again, pressing his still bloody palm to the metal until it started to bubble away- the door creaking open once he’d demolished the lock.

The boy trudged through the door, nearly tripping and winding back up on his knees as soon as he stepped foot onto cold dirt. Real dirt, not cold marble tile, and there was a real sky, dark and cloudy but not shining through layers of reinforced skylight glass. Part of it made his heart- the only real part of him, ache. But it was beautiful.

And now, he could be a part of it.

[oh-no-another-idea]

Worldbuilding in 5

Thanks for this tag @mysticstarlightduck! What a fun game, even for a writer who's not so big on worldbuilding--I'm very excited to fill this one out. :)

Rules: post 3-5 images of a place in your world and tell us a bit about it!

The Flats, Planet Three, Andromeda Body

"As far as the eye could see was sand, the surface textured with eddying swirling where the water had come in and disappeared again. On the horizon, the sea swelled, respectfully keeping its distance.             Navigating the Flats was a whole different sort of tragedy. While the tide was out, boats were moored in midair, tied to two different anchor points to keep the canoes from smashing to pieces in the water. Every building was built up on stilts twice the length of a human, with a few bridges connecting some of them."

I've had the visual of this place in my head for a long time, and I remember having so much fun when the time came to write it out in my Stars and Ships draft! The people that make the Flats their home have a strictly regimented day, with timepieces all around that dictate the changing tides. When the sea is out, they set up market stalls, walk over the sand, bring out the livestock for exercise. When the sea comes in, they clean everything off the sandbar and move to canoes to traverse the city.

I'll tag @cilly-the-writer @indecentpause @space-writes @charlesjosephwrites @eccaiia and anyone else who sees this! Adding the Stars and Ships taglist below as well -- if you guys want to join, please feel free <3

@indecentpause @memento-morri-writes @jellybeanswriting @blind-the-winds @outpost51

@yejidoesthings @cilly-the-writer @charlesjosephwrites @thescatteredscribbles (ask to be +/=)

[quihi]

Okay, overall thoughts on Fablehaven and Dragonwatch. I hope to write in more detail later - I have a first draft of a post about my take on some of the religious themes and allegory in Dragonwatch - but I gotta start somewhere (that requires less citations).

I saw Carnival Quest on the library shelf last November, read that, and had so much fun I decided to go for more Brandon Mull and reread Fablehaven. (I don't read a lot of kids books, as an adult, but I hadn't felt like reading in awhile and this made reading fun.) The first book was rough, honestly—it was his first published book and it shows. The prose felt clunky and awkward, but I got used to it and it improved. Seth drove me insane—so much of the plot was driven by "Seth screws up." But it was a quick and easy and fun read, and the world and concept were a delight!

Books 2–4 were great. I only read the books once or twice over ten years ago, so all I remembered was the general concept, a little about Kendra and Seth, and a vague idea of the final battle. I got to experience all the twists again! It was very fun to see the people who populate this increasingly large world, and the people around the edges like that rich couple in Georgia who have fairies but have never seen a preserve. Like, how did they get involved, how much do they know? It's clear that Kendra and Seth are way more deeply involved than someone who just discovered the preserves normally would be. I have a lot of thoughts about their parents and how Fablehaven fits in with their lives, and I think I think about that a lot more as an adult—it doesn't bother me but I find it more sad now.

Keys to the Demon Prison was big, and wow did we see the world. It added a lot of stuff that hadn't felt foreshadowed at all—the Eternals, Vasilis, Bracken—so it felt a little disconnected and like there were some deus ex machina. I liked the ending, though, and how everything wrapped up with swapping the demon prison and the fairy realm.

So, fun series! They definitely felt like kids books, but I would still recommend them to kids and adults who want to read a fun, magical adventure.

After this, life got busy, and I needed a break, and time to let the books sink in and read a few other books, so I didn't start Dragonwatch until January. I raced through the first three books, then took about a week off before I could get myself past the beginning of Champion of the Titan Games, then finished the series in under a week. They got so frustrating and dark that I needed that break, but I'm glad I didn't force myself to keep reading when I was worn out.

Okay, look, I know this seems to be an unpopular opinion, but I enjoyed them. I don't know if it helped because I read them all in under a month and didn't think too hard or reread them in between, and I hadn't been eagerly awaiting them—I don't think much about Mull or keep up with his new books. I didn't notice a lot of the continuity errors that I guess were there, though I did notice the big thematic change from darkness being neutral to being more evil (though I have some thoughts on that, too). There were definitely some weird choices. The structure of book five felt very similar to Fablehaven's book five.

I liked Knox and Tess. I see reasons they would be introduced, and while they could have done more (Tess: spends entire series as the innocent girl, gets teleported around a couple times but never to anywhere from which she can get home), I couldn't help liking them. They're decent foils for Kendra and Seth, at least. I think I'd have liked more of them, over cutting them. I badly wanted Knox and Seth to sit down for a good conversation about mistakes and forgiveness.

One of the story choices that baffled or irritated me most was not putting Marat or Agad back in charge of Wyrmroost, after Celebrant lost his status. I guess the best argument is there wasn't time between them returning from Stormguard Castle and Seth's disappearance, and the explicit consent of both Kendra and Seth was needed, but like, that should have been the first thing they did. I guess no one thought of it. And I suppose there was still the issue of no easy way to leave.

There was a lot of religion, which I began to notice in Master of the Phantom Isle, and was surprisingly blatant in Return of the Dragon Slayers. Religious themes in books don't bother me, though I know that's a YMMV topic and I understand why some people don't like it. (Thank you to the Fablehaven fandom for, as far as I can tell, not getting into absolute hatred of Christianity.) But, well, they were still overall the fun adventures that I was reading for, even as they got more sad and the character arcs got deeper. I'm glad I finished and read through the whole series.

I was left with a lot to think about. I have ideas for fanfiction. Mostly canon compliant, set after Dragonwatch, with some earlier, and also one romance AU that I'm worried about people's reactions to the ship. I'm buying a lot of the books to reference more easily, since I like referencing books when I write and I'm no longer twelve years old with the time and urge to flip through and reread books a dozen times until I know every plot point by heart by the time I return them to the library, but I do have more disposable income.

So, uh, I'm not really one to rate books, but I'd still call these solid and fun overall, though they have their flaws. I far prefer enjoying books to criticizing them, so I'd rather like them and try to find ideas and headcanons that improve them, rather than linger on the elements I dislike. I want to be positive!

[altschmerzes]

Can’t wait for your two aces story. Any updates you want to/can share??

i'd LOVE to talk about the two aces fic at literally any point. it's so dear to my heart, i love it. at the moment i'm making good progress trekking through it and contemplating if i want to leave it as a oneshot or if i want to split it into chapters bc it's already close to 6k and i've just got a few scenes done and some drafting for some others! it's gonna be pretty long lmao, which is the story of my life. not gonna be HUGE like some of my fics end up being but it's gonna be long enough and have enough distinct beats that i'm thinking about splitting it.

we've got the initial presentation of the situation, jamie and dani getting used to living together and finding a new status quo in that bc of their injuries and how to help each other with the things they can't do (for example the initial moment where they decide to sleep in the same bed is related to dani's shoulder injury and the way he keeps rolling onto it in the night), exploration of their relationship getting deeper and getting into the big things they're afraid of that are holding them back from being physically/emotionally vulnerable with each other (they both have a Big Fear that's causing them trouble here), and then the realization that because of their healing progression they can go back to normal soon and deciding that like. actually we don't want this to go back to normal, we want to stay like this, we want to be each other's Person and have this relationship be A Relationship (nonromantic) intentionally. so there's some different beats, and might be worth splitting?

idk. sorry i'm just thinking out loud in answer to this ask now i hope this is interesting slkdfjs

here's a clip from it, too! it's from very early on, i've posted a few lines from it but it's a bit of a longer scene. dani's phone charger got stuck behind his bed and he can't reach it bc his shoulder is all messed up so jamie's going to get it while dani's making breakfast in the kitchen, this is before they're living together

Jamie has just managed to close his hand around the distant and illusive cord of the charger and is scooting back along the mattress in his awkward shuffle around the awkward bulk of his twice-braced leg when he hears a loud crash and a sharp curse from the kitchen. Instantly, before he’s even fully processed what he’s heard, his body goes rigid. His heart leaps into his throat and his shoulders and the back of his neck seize up so tight they ache immediately. Sudden, loud sounds in homes have never meant anything good for him. It’s only once the initial panic, the kind that says run, run, find somewhere to hide, be quiet and still and get as close as you can get to disappearing, has been hushed and dismissed and reminded that it’s an outdated and unnecessary instinct that another, different kind of panic takes over. Dani, Jamie thinks, and his heart lurches all over again. This is a new sort of fear, hot and trembling, like there’s a little bird in his chest beating its wings frantically, trying to get out. Oh fuck, Dani. Getting up off the bed is difficult and cumbersome but Jamie goes as quick as he can with the use of only one leg. He fumbles for his crutches and leans on them too heavily when he stands, but he doesn’t care that it hurts a bit. The ache of the way the padded tops dig uncomfortably under his arms and how the plastic of the handholds are an odd, wrong shape are far from Jamie’s mind as he hobbles towards the kitchen, going so quickly that he could probably win some kind of guys-on-crutches race if such a thing existed. “Dani,” he calls as he goes, and then, louder, “Dani, man, y’alright? What happened?” “Yes, Jamie, fine,” is the slightly delayed answer, delivered moments before Jamie rounds the corner and comes into sight of the kitchen. The first thing that Jamie notices is the floor. It’s made of a light, slate grey tile pattern that he thinks is neat, studded through with the odd yellow or silvery tile. The effect is cool and modern with a touch of brightness and fun, but at the moment the whole thing is rather ruined by the way there’s a scattering of broken class and blueberries disrupting the pattern. In the soft, warm glow of the overhead lights, the glass glitters and the blueberries shine like tokens to be collected in a video game. The round metal lid of what had once been some kind of jar glints innocently by the sink. (Dani had put in the new, gently toned lights recently, swapped the bulbs a few weeks before the season started. He’d done it after he noticed Jamie kept squinting and wincing under the harsher white light every time he was in Dani’s kitchen. He’d gone and replaced all of them, even though Jamie had insisted it was fine, it was dumb to change things in Dani’s house just because he had a weird problem about lights. Dani had looked at him like Jamie was the dumb one and shook his head and told him they are just lightbulbs, Jamie, and that had been the end of it.) And then, in the middle of it all, the glass and the blueberries and the tile floor and the lovely lights, there’s Dani. He’s standing by the counter, leaning back against it with his good arm, and there’s just enough time for Jamie to catch a glimpse of the intense frustration creasing his face before he looks up and over and it’s wiped away. All that’s left behind is a smile. It’s a good smile, it looks good, happy and friendly like Dani’s smiles do, but there’s something about it that makes Jamie feel uneasy. Well, no. Not uneasy. That word is too… That’s not right. It’s hard to imagine anything that Dani could do with his face that would make Jamie feel truly uneasy. Concerned, then. Concerned is the right word. “Sorry,” Dani says with an apologetic shrug of his left shoulder. “My hand slipped and I dropped the jar.”

[lovesick-boyz]

hi.

well… after being stalked and harassed for the past couple of months, i am finally back!! stay tuned lol i got some fics lined up for y’all 😁

anyway if you read that first line and thought to yourself “WTF?!?”, here is the full story for my curious readers (just a warning, it’s long and i rant a lot):

a couple of months ago, i started getting tagged by random accs on tiktok and insta that posted vids accusing me of the most random and heinous shit. honestly, it just baffled me the first time i saw them bc they made absolutely no sense whatsoever.

when the first ones popped up, i just blocked them thinking it was a random troll and went on with my life.

but then i kept getting spammed by other accs with new posts where they not only involved me but also my friends, and accused us as a friend group of being horrible ppl.

i had enough (i can’t even remember how many accs i blocked) and deleted ALL my social media apps for a while (i.e. more than a couple of months, oops) and basically isolated myself from ppl so that i could focus on other things to distract me (i ended up making daily exercise a habit so ig that’s one good thing that’s come out of this lol, i also rewatched all the marvel movies in timeline order hehe). i wish i continued writing so i could’ve at least had more content to share by now, but i was feeling so negative and pissed that i couldn’t even bring myself to write anything (i even uninstalled notion from my phone and that’s where i keep all my drafts and fic ideas)

i only found out the full situation less than a week ago when i reinstalled tiktok bc i missed it, only to find more burner accs harassing me. i finally had enough so i reinstalled insta to rant about it on my spam acc for my friends to see and to my surprise a couple of them knew who it was and explained the whole situation to me.

it was my first time interacting with ppl outside of my family in months lol, when i tell y’all i isolated myself i really did mean it 🙃 my irl friends didn’t even know anything out of the ordinary was happening bc i’m notorious in my friend group for going off the grid for months at a time bc of how bad my mental health gets sometimes, they know to just let me be and let me deal with it alone bc they understand that’s how i work best. (they won’t see this bc they don’t know this tumblr exists but i wanna apologise to my dear friends for my disappearing acts, my bad, i love y’all for being so understanding and still being my friend after all this time 🫶🏼)

anyway, it turns out the culprit was this guy that my friend had rejected previously and he’s so bitter and hateful that he decided to harass me bc he knew i was one of her bffs (the ppl he targeted were the ones in her closest friend group which included me)

but here’s the kicker: I’VE ONLY TALKED TO THIS GUY TWICE!! AND EACH TIME WE TALKED FOR LESS THAN 5 MINS ABOUT IRRELEVANT SHIT!!! WHY AM I INVOLVED?? YOU DON’T KNOW ME!!!!

when my friend found out she was so surprised and appalled that he was harassing me too, bc him, my friend, and the other ppl he targeted all go to the same college together (and i’m the only one in the friend group that goes to a different college, so to reiterate once again: this guy barely knows me! the last time we spoke was at my friends bday party 3 years ago!! he’s literally insane!)

she knew he was harassing my other friends since they’re all in the same school and know him in person, she didn’t think i would be involved too and i couldn’t believe i was.

anyway, i just wanted to rant about this whole thing bc i’m having a hard time processing it tbh. i hope that guy rots in hell and also finds a job there bc he was acting hella unemployed like who has time for this? he made me feel so confused and paranoid for weeks and i hope he gets all the karma he deserves in the universe.

y’all wanna know something funny tho? i started writing a changmin stalker fic in june, way before this whole situation happened. life imitates art ig 🤪 anyway i finally finished it and i’m gonna release that fic next after i fine tune it, at least now it’ll be somewhat realistic lmaoooo

[me-parkjimin]

What happened to our rps? I don't think they vanished but I think you never replied lol

Nooo they didn't vanish ! They are here, in my drafts ! *shows off his dozen of drafts* ˙◠˙

But I'm really sorry for having neglected our rps, and the ones I had with others too… The last few weeks, I didn't have time to just relax and focus on replying any threads… It surely sounds kind of like an excuse since I'm inconsistently active, but threads and chatting need different level of concentration from me. (if I can say it like that)

While chatting allows me to multitask and focus on important work on my side, threads need my whole focus as to have a satisfying results at the end. Each word, each sentence is thought twice or thrice, and sometimes one reply can take me an hour to write oops. For me, threads are like work. They take from me a lot of energy.

Unfortunately, I (admin) don't have any holidays till the end of this month, I will be really busy and won't be able to be really present. If there are any post or reblog from my side, it will be either a scheduled post or coming from my queue, as not to completely disappear. Sometimes, I (admin) only pop here to take a break from 'reality' and take a breath. Small chitchats allow me to take a break that I need sometimes. If I use that time to work on threads, I will probably feel like being forced into doing it.

But I would understand if you, and the others, would give up on roleplaying with me. So I'm really sorry for not letting you know from the beginning and make you think that I forgot about our rps.

Also, sorry for that long post, took the opportunity to write down all my thoughts.

( • ᴖ • ｡)

[ateezscupid]

Haha, I’m gonna kms!

So, the majority of my drafts were either deleted, or had sections/parts of them deleted! of course the banners are safe since i make most of my banners, but overall, most of what I’ve typed has disappeared.

I hate having you guys wait for work like this. i’m already a major procrastinator with a packed schedule, which is why my work comes out late. i will try to have all of the work completed and posted by the end of this week, or maybe next monday-wednesday.

To make up for it, i’ll extend the ateez prompt fest until this sunday instead of friday in case any of you have anything you want to submit. and please to make it easier, fill out the form below if you do consider requesting something! this goes for anything, it’s not specifically for the ateez prompt fest submissions:

pairings (member x f/m/gn!reader) THIS IS REQUIRED, PLEASE ADD THIS.

genre (smut, fluff, angst, drama, etc.) REQ*

specify which characters are the dom/sub, top/bottom. (this is required pls do this)

additional characters: only if your request involves you or the member having a friend. obv it can be an ateez member, but it can also be a member from another group or just a random name! (optional)

again, sorry in advance for my tumblr acting like a shitface. stream moonlight sunrise by twice! ❤︎

- cupid

[remrse]

not sure if anyone faced this problem before but i was replying to a thread and tried to trim reblog but because it was a legacy post, there's a glitch where the text would show up twice. to work around that glitch, i just deleted my whole chunk of text so it would only show up once and usually that works for me in the past but earlier on, when i pressed 'save as draft', my whole drafts page glitched out and i can't access any of my drafts now? my number of drafts remained the same and i can still save new posts as drafts, the page is just blank so i can't see any of my drafts and when i refresh it, it brings me to an error page. (it's the same on incognito, safari and the mobile app, my drafts page is just completely blank.)

tldr: i was reblogging a post from someone who used the legacy editor and that made my whole drafts page disappear LOL

if anyone has any idea how to fix this, please let me know! i've contacted support too but i'm not sure how fast they'll get back to me (or if they even will because this seems like a combination of a xkit bug and tumblr bug??)