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renlimotroll · 4 years

Text

Death by a Thousand Cuts

Pairing: Mintosu × Siruko (side), one-sided Limone-sensei x Siruko (main)

Summary: It's not the butterflies that tell Sensei that he's in love. It was the death by a thousand cuts.

Tags: angst, heavy angst!!!, endgame MinSiru wedding, long fic, unrequited love

Warning: BL, Cursing, Imagination, but I like to keep my characterization 80% canon.

Ren's notes:

Before you read this, I want to say that this is Sensei’s POV, so the MinSiru moments will come across as sad and painful. I love Siruko-san, Mintosu-san and Limone-Sensei equally, and this is only just a story, okay? Please come into the story with an open mind and finish it with no attachments. Also, ready your heart.

I woke up at 3am and started writing this because all my best thoughts come at 3am. I was supposed to write cutesy, romantic Christmas stories, but when inspiration hits, it hits. This story is 100% MinSiru because no matter how pseudo-canon LimoSiru is, it's not what people want (wow, bitter Ren is bitter).

This story might be controversial, so I spent a week debating whether to publish it or not, but after all the hard work and me trying to be poetic, it would be a waste to keep it in my folders.

I'd like to thank Taylor Swift for possessing me with her poetic ghost. I listened to "The Moment I Knew", a song about her bf not coming to her birthday party, and was filled with so much angst because it hit home too much.

Please enjoy and don't blame me for your holiday blues!!

This story didn't have a happy ending.

Because the moment Limone-sensei realized he had fallen in love, he knew he was screwed big time. And it won't end well for him.

But that was okay, because all he wanted was for this person's happiness. This person deserved it more than anyone else in the world, and Limone-sensei will do everything in his power to make sure he gets it.

He being Siruko-san.

He didn’t like them, at first. Limone was a possessive, jealous friend, and when he learned Hana-chan met new gaming friends, his first instinct was to shoot them. But how could anyone not love Siruko-san? He had a beautiful soul, a kindness rare to the human race. Siruko-san was the kind of person who could bring a group of people of different personalities together and make them all get along well. It was really easy to fall for someone like him, and no matter how hard Sensei tried not to, it just happened.

After that, it was death by a thousand cuts.

The first cut came out when they were shooting a video. He always looked forward to the four of them shooting, because that meant he could see Siruko-san. But something about the Bintroll leader was off, had been off for days actually. Sensei knew because Sensei watches all his live streams when he can, and he was observant. It made Sensei’s heart weak, but because they weren't that close and they didn't have the same level of friendship Siruko had with Mintosu-san, Sensei couldn't just LINE him and say, "Hey, is something wrong with you?" But something happens with the Minecraft trap he was making for Hana-chan, and his first thought was, I can use this as an excuse. So he calls Siruko-san and all is saved, and after that they start to communicate more, outside the games they play for Hana-chan's channel.

Sensei's plan to get closer to Siruko-san fails, because the more time he spends chatting with him, the more he gets to know Siruko-san, the more he falls in love. They text almost everyday; they VC on nights they both couldn't sleep, on days something good happens and they both wanted someone to share it with. And then Sensei realizes something that'll break his heart forever.

One day, after Hana-chan wrapped up the first Atsumori video of them, and Sensei and Siruko moved to private messaging on Discord and continue to chat and talk like they always do after each shoot (sometimes about editing and most times about nothing), Sensei thought it was time.

"Siruko-san."

"Hm?" The purple head answered absent-mindedly. Because they're on a video call, like they've done most times now actually, Sensei could see his beautiful purple eyes fixed on something in his monitor. He's reading the comments on the latest Bintroll video, and Sensei always finds it endearing that he's always liking all the comments. Sensei does read his comments too, but he thinks it's too troublesome to like all of it. It's just not his style.

Sensei decided it's now-or-never. "You like Mintosu-san, don't you?"

Siruko stopped scrolling, eyes shifting to the webcam. Sensei kept a straight face, fakes being detached and indifferent to the reply, but it's something he already knew. He's seen it in the way Siruko-san almost always talks about Mintosu-san when they voice call, in the way that he's always so soft and patient for Mintosu-san. Sensei saw Siruko scrambling for an answer in a panic and took that as a confirmation, even as Siruko-san started to deny it.

"W-what's gotten into you Sense--? O-of course not!! I-what made you say that? Mouuu, is this a prank?? Stop joking with me Sense-- hidoi yo!"

Sensei rolled his eyes for effect, but his chest is heavy with something he can't explain. "You're a fucking idiot. Just spit it out, okay? I know it. Don’t make a fool of me."

"I really dont!" Siruko vehemently opposed it. A moment later, he gave up and sighed in defeat, because Sensei always saw right through him. "I-is it obvious?"

Very, Sensei thought, but instead he went with, "I don't think Mintosu-san knows. That guy is as dense as the air itself."

They fell into silence, and Limone-sensei was very sure right now that Siruko was thinking of the green robot. His heart told him, “No, don't say it, don't do it Limone!!”, but since when has he listened to his heart? So he said to Siruko-san, "You should confess."

"E-EHHHH?!?!"

"Tell him what you feel, Siruko-san."

"I-uhhh… Minben-san is not…. And I c-can't… uuummmmm…."

"Oh for fucks sake! Stop being a fucking coward, okay? If Mintosu-san accepts your feelings, then good. If he rejects you, then you'll learn how to move on. But I won't let you just keep this to yourself." Limone face-palmed himself internally, thinking hard about how he’s such a fucking liar and a hypocrite. The wide, scared puppy eyes Siruko-san is showing melted his heart. It's his weakness. But Sensei never gave in to any of his weaknesses. "I've watched all your videos and we've been friends for a long enough time for me to be sure that you love him, Siruko-san."

"But… but what if Minben-san..." Siruko whispered with this lost, desperate voice, and Sensei gritted his teeth to keep himself from falling apart. He had to do the right thing, even if it meant ruining himself.

"You'll never know if you never try. That's why you need to do something about this, instead of carrying it in your heart all the time. At the very least, it'll give you answers." Siruko looked so unsure, and Sensei knew he's thinking that Minben-san will never like him, that he's thinking bad thoughts about himself, and Sensei won't let Siruko belittle himself again. "Stop overthinking this! It's all in your mind. I said it, didn't I? You'll never know if you never try. Don't make me call Mintosu-san myself and tell him your feelings."

"A-ah!! Okay okay!! I'll… think about it?"

"Fine. I guess that's good enough."

Siruko smiled that sweet, precious smile of his, and usually it warmed Sensei's heart, but today it brought a thousand cuts. "Thank you Sensei."

"Whatever. Now hurry up and finish liking those comments so we can go to sleep."

"But you can sleep! I told you you didn't have to stay up for me!"

"And since when have I ever listened to you?"

"All the time." Siruko muttered, but Sensei heard it, so he faked being insulted with a "HA?!?!" and Siruko laughed (and Sensei loved that laugh), "Nothing, nothing!! Of course you'll do what you want, Sensei, you're badass like that."

"Damn right."

And a week later, Siruko texted him "Sensei, I did it!! Minben-san is my boyfriend now aaaaa!! Thanks so much Senseiiii!! (⁄ ⁄•⁄ω⁄•⁄ ⁄)⁄"

And Sensei replied "Good for you. Congrats." then went back to bed. Stared at the ceiling for long goddamn hours. He tweeted to his followers that he didn’t feel good so no video today, and turned off his phone.

And it felt like there was a big black hole in his chest. He didn’t get up to eat, he just stared at the ceiling, hating himself for being such a goddamn coward. He finally knew what it felt to be pierced through the chest like those characters in DbD, only his bleeding wasn’t physical, just metaphorical. The pain was real though. So real it cut him open and every breath was hard to get.

The next day, he moved on. Or at least, he pretended he did. One day of moping was enough. He replied "I'm fine" to everyone who texted him even when he's not. He had to be fine.

It's just death by a thousand cuts after all.

The next time it happened, Sensei had just finished playing a horror game and he felt accomplished. He was about to reward himself with a cookie even though he doesn't really like sweets, when the notification sound for a video call rings. He answered it automatically and he's greeted by a crying mess, and his heart dropped in response.

"Siruko-san?"

He didn't get an answer. Limone tried to make him calm down and breathe, and thankfully Siruko-san listened to him. The poor guy hiccuped and sniffed, and Sensei was already plotting Mintosu's death. He'll make it look like an accident too. One can’t play video games in prison after all.

"*sniff*... we had.. a fight, tente-… He got angry coz he said I was smothering him. I swear I didn't mean to nag, Sensei! I was just worried coz you know!..... Minben-san doesn't keep normal sleeping hours… well, I don't too so I don’t have the right.. but I was just worried, Chenche-!!"

Sensei pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed. Okay, so maybe he won't kill Mintosu, but he deserves a punch. Maybe two. In times like this Limone wished he could run to Tochigi and comfort Siruko in person. He'd been there once for a business-related meeting, and instead of staying in a hotel, Siruko offered their home. It was a nice trip, and he got to meet Siruko's lovely folks and brother. It made him guilty but also fulfilled for some reason, that he was able to stay in Siruko's house and spend time with him. It was something his internet relationship with Mintosu hasn't had yet at that time.

Forcing himself back to the present, Limone took off his glasses and wiped it with his shirt. Ever since he urged Siruko-san to confess, he became somewhat a confidante to their relationship. Siruko would sometimes share the good stuff but also vent out his frustrations. The positive point of this is that Sensei got to talk to Siruko-san, but it low-key stings as well.

"Siruko-san. You know what you were getting into when you started this relationship. Heck, you know Mintosu-san so well, so you should have known that he loves his freedom. I'm not saying you're wrong for worrying, but Mintosu-san is… well, Mintosu-san after all. I'm sure he can take care of himself."

"I know that." Siruko sulked and pouted and sniffed again. He really should blow his nose. Sensei resisted the urge to wipe his tears from the monitor by clenching his hand under the table.

"Sometimes… sometimes I feel that he's not my boyfriend."

Sensei couldn't help it, but this ugly, dangerous thing called hope arises from the pits of his locked-up emotions that he squishes down every single time. He's only human after all. Limone forced himself to remember who it was that made Siruko-san laugh, who it was that Siruko-san always worried about, who it was that Siruko-san loved, and gods Sensei wished it was him, but it's not.

In his wallowing he didn't realize Siruko-san was still talking, "...and he doesn't even text me good night, and I'm not asking for so much romantic stuff, but would it kill him to at least say he loves me too?"

Siruko stopped, waiting for a reply that Sensei forced through the shards of glasses in his throat. He killed the thought that sprung in his mind, "I'll tell you I love you everyday if you were mine.", and instead he settled for, "No, it wouldn't kill him."

Sensei continued because he doesn’t hate Mintosu-san. The guy's a good guy, and he can see why Siruko fell for him. Even his annoying sides are endearing. Sensei wanted to defend his side that Siruko-san might have missed.

"But Siruko-san, you knew he wasn't the romantic, hearts-and-roses type of guy, and you fell for him anyway. Don't you think it's a bit unfair of you to expect him to suddenly be a sweet-honey-words kind of guy? If you really wanted things like that, talk to him about it. Guide him through it, coz for all that idiot's bountiful of APEX skills, he sucks when it comes to emotions. Talk to him properly, and maybe back off with the nagging a little bit."

Siruko considered his words and looked thoughtful, and Sensei swallowed the bile coming up his throat, half-wishing they’d break up even though he just helped fix the misunderstanding. Finally, after long minutes of silence, Siruko showed a hint of that really cute, embarrassed smile. "Thanks Sensei. You're really good with advice."

"Tell me something I don't know."

Siruko chuckled a little and Sensei was content with that, he told himself. Just that slight hint that he was able to make Siruko-san feel better was enough. He doesn't want more, he lied to himself. "I might start to call you love-sensei now www. How come you're so good with relationship advice but you don't have a girlfriend? Want me to set up someone for you?"

"Do it and I'll kill you. You're lucky I don't charge you consultation fees."

"Coz you love me~" Siruko sang playfully.

You have no idea, Sensei thought hard. "I'll fucking kill you, bakagayo! Now if you don't have anything else to say, I'm gonna go to sleep."

"It's just 12 midnight! Since when do you sleep so early?"

I actually won’t. I'll lie down and imagine ways I could treat you better than he can, then hate myself for thinking such evil, selfish thoughts. But Sensei replied instead, "I just played a horror game and I went out today, so I'm a bit tired." Sensei knew Siruko-san would feel guilty he disturbed Sensei, that's how well he knew Siruko-san by now, so he followed up immediately. "Shut up, don't apologize. I'd always make time for you, you know that." The teacher said quietly. "We're friends, aren't we?"

Siruko's pretty lips lifted up in one corner wistfully. "Yeah."

The conflict of Sensei liking that smile versus the painful confirmation that they'll only ever be friends clenched Sensei's heart tight. "Then, good night Siruko-san. Ja na, mata ne.”

"Bye bye. Thank you, Sensei."

Sensei lay awake the whole night, until dawn came and the golden rays of the sun filter through his windows. It's like this every time, and Sensei should have been used to it, but he's not. He let the pain wash over him, thinking he might not be a sadist like what people think, but instead he might actually be masochistic.

But he'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

The third time, or he's not sure since it's been so long enough that he's not keeping count anymore, it was Siruko-san's birthday. He had just finished streaming Minecraft, and he put the Bintroll stream on background while he got something to drink. He didn't notice at first, but he knew something was wrong. Siruko-san was good at pretending, sometimes too good, so it's no surprise if the listeners didn't hear it, if even his own friends didn't know. But Sensei knew, heard that off-note, that slightly forced laugh, slightly louder, more exaggerated reaction. From the way Bintroll reacted too, they knew it, or at least have noticed it enough, but the show must go on. It's a livestream, and it's an unwritten rule among streamers that no one should break down during that. He knows that Siruko-san is happy, he really is, but something was missing. Or someone.

"Call me when you're done streaming." He typed on LINE, knowing Siruko-san is checking his phone. Not for his message of course. Never for his.

They finished the stream without reading the superchat donation, partly because Siruko-san was tired laughing and talking from the stream, but Sensei knew the other reason. He waits, but he also knew Siruko-san wouldn't call, because he doesn't like imposing on someone, troubling someone for something he thinks he can endure, even if it breaks his heart. He's too kind to do that, even if that was dumb. How many times has Sensei told him it was okay to rant to him, to call him when he's in trouble, or even when he's just bored? How many times has Siruko-san done it too, but each time Sensei has to reassure him that it was okay, he's not disturbing, that Sensei wants to listen to him. Siruko-san is truly dumb and masochistic, keeping everything to himself until he explodes with it, and there will be ugly messy crying and moping for days and drowning in alcohol and not leaving his bed. Sensei knew him too well. And if it was in Sensei's power to, if not protect him from things that can hurt him, then to pick him up when he's down, Sensei will do it, no questions asked.

Maybe Sensei is dumb and masochistic too, he realizes, as he dialed Siruko-san's number.

After 14 rings, during which Sensei is thinking of a hundred and one ways of killing Mintosu even if he has grown to also be close and endeared to the guy thanks to Siruko-san's efforts of getting the three of them to play together, Siruko finally picked up. He's silent, but Sensei knew he's there, and it just meant he wasn't in the mood to talk. Sensei could pick up the low sounds of sniffing and knew he was crying. Damn it. Sensei could take a million broken bones if it was just him, but just a hint of Siruko-san hurting and his knees lose strength.

"What happened." He demanded, but nothing. Silence answered him. Sensei waits and waits and waits. It always took so much coaxing, because no matter how friendly and sunny and cheerful Siruko-san always appears to be, he's an introvert who has insecurities deeper than the ocean and a long list of anxieties making it hard for him to open up sometimes. But Sensei is a patient man. He's already broken the walls Siruko built, passed through the mazes of Siruko's brilliant mind and fragile heart, and if Siruko-san makes more walls, Sensei won't ever be tired of breaking it down. Because beyond those walls is a precious, child-like heart that only wanted to be loved and accepted and happy, and it was very simple to give those things to him. Sensei knew he could give it.

"Minben-san."

"What."

"He…" Sensei sees it without really seeing it. The opening of the waterworks, tears flowing down. "He promised.. he'd come."

And Sensei understood immediately. Goddamnit, that fucking idiot. He could picture Siruko waiting, checking his phone from time to time, waiting for a Discord notification. Smiling and laughing as people wish him happy birthday, and it makes him happy, it really does, but it's different.

"Sensei.. you're really smart, right? You're love-sensei, right? So can you tell me…" Siruko sobbed, breaking Sensei's heart to a million pieces. "...what do you do.. when the one who means the most to you… is the one who didn't show?"

Sensei held his breath. Horror games he can do. Minecraft he can do. This? He doesnt fucking know how to fix this.

"Sensei… thank you by the way… you… you gave me superchat even in the middle of you streaming…You always do that, and it’s really thoughtful... that was really nice… thank you."

And Siruko dropped the call. Sensei clenched his fist, wanting to punch something. It was 4am, but he moved into motion almost without thought. Bought a train ticket to Tochigi and boarded the first train as soon as the station opened, carrying nothing but his wallet and phone and earpods. It took about two hours, and he stared as the view changed from high-rise skyscrapers to something a little more green, a little more rural. He took a cab to the address he knew so well; he's been here so many times that he's already a familiar face.

"Sensei..?" Hakotaro-san opened the door, surprised, but also relieved. He let him in without so much ado, even though it was too early. Sensei realized it's a Sunday, and it's still breakfast time. It's a weird time to come over a house, but maybe Hakotaro-san has an idea of why he came. He said "ojamashimasu” and took off his shoes.

Papataro and Mamataro were surprised to see him, but they welcomed him with warm smiles, asked him how he'd been, took him to the dining table and forced him to eat breakfast with them. Sensei really likes them--this house, their family--and it makes him miss his own back in Hokkaido. He apologized for coming unannounced and gave them the big cake he bought in haste because it's rude to come to a house without a gift, and they waved him off, telling him it's alright, although Siruko-chan's still in his room, probably still asleep. It's not a surprise to Sensei because he knows Siruko-san doesn't eat breakfast. He chatted with them and felt warm, because they treat him like he's a part of the family too, and Sensei knows where Siruko-san got his kindness from. Siruko and Hakotaro got their looks from their father, but they both got their mother's sweet smile.

He waited in the living room and scratched Baron absently as Hakotaro-san came up to his Niisan's room, and Sensei chuckled when he heard Siruko's loud, panicked shriek. Sensei liked cats more than dogs, but Baron is a good good boy. He's a bit older now so he's calmer and more domestic than most dogs, and Sensei loves his quiet company. Hakotaro-san came again and brought him snacks and a glass of water, and Baron followed his master and jumped on his lap like he's still a puppy even though he's bigger now. They sat in silence, because while they're friendly enough to have exchanged banter or two, Sensei's actually a bit more quieter and serious off the camera, off his online persona. The silence was actually nice, comfortable even, because it gave Sensei time to think and evaluate. Why the hell did he come here so impulsively?

"You would have been better for him, Sensei."

Sensei almost choked on his own spit, actually coughed a bit at that statement, shock covering his face. Hakotaro-san continued to brush Baron's fur as if he just announced the weather and not like he just delivered the finishing blow to Sensei's already pining heart.

"I--uh… what?"

"Don't get me wrong. I love Minben-san too, and I can see how he tries his best to make Niisan happy, and I'm supportive of them. But Minben-san…. He's too independent, too free. Niisan's better off with someone he can spoil but also someone who spoils him. Niisan likes to be needed, but also is needy himself. I know Minben-san is trying, and I know he loves Niisan with all his heart, but if it was you, Sensei, it would have been easier. Less clashing. You're both equals in a sense that Niisan can give and take, that… forgive my Kansai metaphor for the lack of better expression, Niisan can be boke but also tsukkomi. You balance each other in a way."

And the truth is, Sensei did think that too. It's not that Mintosu-san is a bad guy, but he's someone that was already happy and content by playing games, and complicated things like emotions and things like that is not his forte. He's been friends with the guy long enough to know who he actually is even off the camera. Mintosu did not strike him as someone who could be raw and open, which is something you need for a relationship to work. And Mintosu also seemed that kind of guy who would feel confined with the commitments of a relationship.

Mintosu-san is a great guy, a really good person, but he's not a natural lover. He's tough and doesn't mince his words and doesn't do the hearts-and-flowers and the feelings thing, and that's not wrong, but sometimes Sensei thinks he has a better relationship with his fans and listeners than with Siruko-san. He was always more considerate of them, kinder, gentler, and maybe it’s because that kind of human interaction is simpler and easier.

But that doesn't mean Mintosu didn't love Siruko. Heck, it's a testament to how much he loves Siruko-san because he always tries hard to be what he's not. Sensei knew that Mintosu-san tries his best to remember important events, to send gifts and take Siruko out on dates, to be more generous with his I love yous. Mintosu-san is good for Siruko-san; he knows Siruko-san full well and understands every part of him, and they can be a really good team when they try hard enough. They have this shared history that Sensei can't ever replicate. Sensei acknowledged, respected, and supported their relationship with all his being; heck, he's even the one that triggered it into happening.

And Sensei hated himself everyday for this, but he wished he was Mintosu. That if one thing had been different in this universe, he wished he could have been what Siruko's heart wanted. That he was the one who received Siruko's kind, loving smiles, who got to make love to him, who got to give him the happiness he very much deserved. Limone-sensei would have been so good to Siruko-san, would have given him the attention he craved and the reassurances he needed. He would have been strict to him because Siruko tended to forget everything when he's so addicted to a game, would have crashed his stream to scold him to eat, but he also would have given in to Siruko's whinings, because there's very little Sensei can deny Siruko-san. He already does all of these things, but only as a friend, never more than that. He would have given him the universe if Siruko-san asked for it.

But Sensei had no time to indulge this self-pity, because his universe came out of the room, covered head to toe with a soft, velvety brown blanket. His beautiful purple eyes were puffy from crying, and he looked like he hadn't gotten any sleep. Sensei wanted to bundle him up and just envelop him in his arms to protect him from anything that might hurt him, but in this universe, he didn't have the right to do that.

"What are you doing here?" Siruko-san pouted. Sensei wondered if he was disappointed that it wasn't his lover that came to surprise him. His voice was hoarse, either from streaming or crying, Sensei didn't know, but he hated it. Hated that he couldn’t take care of Siruko-san the way he wanted to, because in this universe, Siruko’s heart wants what it wants, and that was Mintosu-san.

"I brought you cake. Happy late birthday."

"I don't like sweet things though." Siruko-san sat between his brother and Sensei and casually placed his head on Sensei's shoulder, because they're close enough friends he could do that. Totally platonic, to Sensei's disappointment, but Sensei let him. That's one thing about Siruko-san, he's clingy and surprisingly craves touch. Sensei draped one arm over him and pats Siruko's shoulder, and he thought about where he finds this easy to do, Mintosu would have been repulsed yet forced to give this level of affection. He felt bad for Mintosu-san, but not that much, because at least Siruko's heart belonged to him.

Sensei rolled his eyes in response. "Yeah, like I didn't know that. It was lemon cake."

Siruko snorted playfully underneath the blanket. "Because it's from you?"

"What else?"

The three of them sat in silence for a while. It should have been weird but it wasn't, at least not to them. Sensei decided to break the silence and finally reveal what he came here for. His exhaustion suddenly washed over him--a few intermittent naps on the train wasn't enough--but he had to do this. He'll never let Siruko-san cry again, not if he can help it.

"Go take a bath and wear some nice clothes, bakatare. We're going somewhere."

Siruko sat up like a puppy who had been called to attention. "Where?"

"To Nara, to Mintosu-san's house."

He saw the hurt and betrayal and refusal in Siruko's eyes, but there was also this hope and desire that made Sensei feel what he's doing is right even though it's not what he wants to do at all. "I-it's okay Sensei," Siruko denied, "I-it's really okay and I… I'm used to this. Minben-san texted me that he forgot and got tired from streaming so he fell asleep, that's all. You don't have to do this and I… I'm fine."

Sensei stared at him hard and Siruko flinched. "There's no reason to go there, and besides, I'm sure he's busy, and--"

"Does there need to be a reason?!" Sensei suddenly raised his voice, and he stilled himself. Sometimes it's so hard to control his emotions, and he's so so angry but he can't be, because there was no black and white here. He can't blame Mintosu for unknowingly hurting Siruko because he had never been that kind of guy anyway, one who prepares romantic stuff to surprise his lover on his special day. It was an honest mistake on his part, and even that was just, so Mintosu. And he also can't blame Siruko-san for this, for expecting something more, because it was his right as a boyfriend, his right to get the simple happiness he wanted. Sensei took a deep breath to calm himself. Here were two people who loved each other but sucked at showing it, and if all they needed was a little push, a little nudge to the right direction, then Sensei was willing to make himself fall apart just so they could both be whole.

"You want to see him, don't you?" Sensei said in a hushed voice. He glanced at Hakotaro-san who didn't interfere and made a reaction, just watching them. "If you want to see him, that's good enough reason, Siruko-san. And when you see each other, you'll fight and be at each other's throat, but also make up and forgive, because you can't let this misunderstanding be unresolved. It'll be a festering wound, and I can only see this incident as something that'll come back and bite you in the future. I know both of you too well because you are my friends. I know you, Siruko-san, that you'll say you're fine now but you'll never forget this, and you'll bring this up against him every time you see the chance, because you were hurt and you'll want him to acknowledge it. And I know Mintosu-san, that he'll get sick of it because he can't tolerate your emotional needs, he'll push you away and turn the blame on you again like he always does, because he has always been a prideful person. And you're both idiots but you're both not wrong for being what you both are. So if I have to drag you to Mintosu-san's house by stuffing all 175cm of you in a suitcase, I swear I will, because you both need to talk."

Siruko freezed, processed everything that Sensei said, and stormed back to his room and shut his door with a loud bang, because for all their silly fighting, Siruko is too similar to Mintosu sometimes, both idiots who likes to bottle their emotions inside of them, and when confronted with it, will run away from it. Hakotaro-san hummed in consideration, making Sensei jump a little because he had honestly forgotten about him.

Sensei cleared his throat. "What?"

"You're right, of course, but I still stand by what I said. Their chemistry is too… explosive, and that can be a good or a bad thing. Their similarities make it stable, but both being water signs, one moment they can be as peaceful as a lake, then the next it's a raging tsunami. Them knowing each other so well works for them, because they have their own level of understanding no one can reach, but that also means they know each other's buttons and what ticks each other off, and they both use it against the other. I don't like that Niisan always has to apologize first and he just goes along with what Minben-san wants so they don't clash, but I also don't like Minben-san being forced to go out of his comfort zone to be this person Niisan needs him to be. Their love can be something so very beautiful, but it can also easily turn into something toxic.

On the other hand, while you and Niisan are very different from each other, it's complementary. What the other lacks, one makes up. People have this misconception that Niisan is outgoing, but he just finds it easier to make friends on the internet. So while you, Sensei, is extroverted, it complements Niisan being introverted. Niisan's patience can keep up with your need to try new things, and your ability to back down works with Niisan's need to be right all the time. You're fire and water and it shouldn't work but it can because you're both emotionally mature and flexible enough to balance each other out."

Sensei didn’t get scared easily, but now he did, because his palms are getting clammy and there might be actual goosebumps at his nape. Was… Hakotaro-san reading his mind? Did Hakotaro-san… know he's been harboring these feelings for his older brother all this time? He knew the younger one had always been observant and intelligent like his Niisan, but to this extent? Sensei resisted the urge to shiver.

"Why… are you telling me this?"

Hakotaro-san shrugged. "No reason. I know Minben-san and Niisan will get through this, especially with you always helping their relationship. I want what's best for my Niisan, but I also want what makes him happy. Give me a moment to talk some sense to him. He'll only go to Nara if you come with him, so, yoroshiku onegaishimasu." Hakotaro-san bowed slightly and Sensei was a second too late to return it, mind reeling from the analysis the blonde just revealed, and by the time he recovered, Hakotaro was already in his brother's room, and he's left alone with Baron and Pii-chan in the living room.

It took everything in Sensei to not get undone in that living room, to kill the rising hope in his heart that maybe, maybe he has a chance. Maybe he should just let this incident go, so that if their relationship sours, Sensei can swoop in and show Siruko-san how to be properly loved and treated. If they break up, Mintosu will be free of this emotion thing that shackles him and do what he loves the most, sometimes more than his own boyfriend, which is gaming, and that would be best for him. And Siruko, sweet, dearest Siruko, won't have to settle with the scraps of affection and attention Mintosu-san gives him, because Sensei can do it. Sensei can come to every one of his birthday stream and be touchy and affectionate and open, and he can love him more than this.

Gods, he wished he was a horrible enough person so he can be capable of ruining a relationship.

An hour passed, and Hakotaro-san told him his Niisan was calm now, so Sensei entered his room. Siruko, who looks like a burrito with that blanket bundling him, glared angrily at him, but without any heat. Sensei settled on his gaming chair.

"You're mean." And the buriko ojiisan actually stuck his tongue out at him, the nerve.

He's mean?! As if Mintosu didn't bully him every time. Tch. "So?"

"Do you even know how far Tochigi and Nara is? It's like 6 hours away by train."

"And if your dramatic ass didn't throw up a tantrum, we would have been in the train by now."

"See?? Meanie!!" Siruko accused, turning his back to Sensei. "I'm not sure I wanna talk to him. I don't even know what to say to him."

And Sensei thought, this is it. He could say that they didn't have to go, and let this misunderstanding pile up with their other issues until it blows in their face. But he glanced at their rare framed picture on Siruko's desk, with their wide smiles, Mintosu's arm draped over Siruko's shoulder while holding a peace sign and Siruko looking at Mintosu with such adoration in his eyes, and Sensei can’t.

"I'm sure you can think of something during that stupid 6 hour ride."

And Siruko looked back at him, gave him this soft, grateful smile and said okay, and Sensei tasted cotton balls in his mouth. If only Siruko knew how awful Sensei's thoughts were, he wouldn't be so trusting of him. Sensei's stomach is filled with gravel, and it makes his body heavy and sick with something medicine can’t cure. A martyr, that’s what he was, or a living thing but dead inside. Loving Siruko-san was the most exquisite form of self-destruction.

And in the train ride to Nara, where Siruko spent most of the time sleeping on Sensei's shoulder, Sensei should be feeling happy with this moment of just the two of them. But he didn’t.

It just felt like death by a thousand cuts.

And later, Mintosu, who did this stupid perfect impression of a fish out of the water with his surprise to see them in his apartment, jaw dropped and eyes wide, let them in. Siruko was silent and kept biting his lips, and Mintosu was genuinely confused, and Sensei would like to punch them both and go home. So Sensei acts like a mediator, almost like a marriage counselor, and at first Mintosu and Siruko refuse to let their emotions out, but Sensei shouts at them that he didn't come all the way from Tokyo for this bullshit, so they let their frustrations out and shout at each other, and Mintosu almost storms out in anger but Sensei doesn't let him, and Siruko cries this angry tears but Sensei forces him to calm down, and they both manipulate each other's emotions and are both stubborn and vindictive, but in the end they come to an agreement to be more understanding and more open with their feelings and with a promise to always talk and communicate, and they make up. Sensei faked forgetting to make an important phone call and stepped outside to give them some privacy, because the last thing he needed was to see them kiss in front of him.

At midnight they went out and ate the best ramen in town and it was really delicious, and they traded jokes and laughed and talked about their favorite things. Sensei slept on the couch while the couple slept in Mintosu's room, and Sensei didn’t really get any sleep, because he's busy trying not to imagine what they must be doing on the other side of the apartment, and hating himself for being unable to be an awful person because once again, he probably has contributed more to this relationship more than any outsider has or needed to, and he tries to be happy for them because they are happy and in love.

Sensei asked the Mintosu's ceiling if he'll be alright and it said, "I don't know."

The last time, it wasn't really the last, but it did feel like the end. It's been more than a year, and one day, as they finished shooting a video, Mintosu DM-ed Sensei.

It's not that unusual, since Mintosu and Sensei did develop their own friendship outside of their collabs, partly because of Siruko. Sensei kind of became their go-to person when they're in trouble with their relationship, and it kills Sensei but also makes him feel like he's not completely a terrible person if he was able to help them out.

It was rare though, for Mintosu to reach out first. So Sensei voice-called him, partly because he wanted to rest his fingers, and partly because he'll be able to hear Mintosu's emotions through his voice.

"Moshi moshi Sensei!"

"Hai hai, mosh mosh, doushita doushita."

"Ano.. I was kind of wondering if… how do you say this… if you had any advice for me..?"

That was weird. Mintosu, unsure of himself? At loss for words? Is there a zombie apocalypse outside his door right now?

"For what?"

"Coz I… um… I'm planning to ask Siruko-san to marry me."

And the world stopped spinning. Time stood still, and the world turned into shades of gray. Sensei’s heart gets caught up in his throat, and his insides were being turned into mush.

"...Sensei?"

Sensei shook his head to clear his mind, but it's so hard to breathe. He regretted voice calling now, because it's so hard to talk when his throat felt like acid. "C...Congratulations, teme!! W-wow this is such a big.. move, like wow, really. Dude, congrats…"

"Thanks Sensei! You're actually the third person I told, after my family and my best friend. I'm kinda nervous and excited for it!"

"Y-yeah… I bet you are… Listen, can I go to the toilet for a bit?"

"Sure, iterrashai!"

Sensei ran to the toilet and hurled the dinner he ate, his hands shaking. He splashed water on his face to calm himself down. He'd seen this coming, taught himself how to react when he hears the news, trained himself to accept it, but it still came crashing down on him like boulders on a landslide. This was his worst nightmare coming true.

"I’m back."

"Osu!"

"So… advice huh?"

"Yeah! The ring stuff, my bestfriend can take care of that, coz I have zero knowledge in that area hahaha. But I still don't know how to ask him. Should I go for the dinner style? Or the… blegh, ring on champagne thing? Coz I really dont wanna have to, thinking about it makes me puke, blegh."

And Sensei felt horrible for this, he really did, but he told Mintosu… what he let himself imagine in the middle of the night when he lets the devil in him take over, when he would revel in his deepest, darkest fantasies, things he would have done for Siruko-san. How he would have proposed.

Siruko-san deserved something grand, but also private. Sensei would have made a scavenger hunt for him, but one Siruko can do in his house because he doesn't like going out, so he'll need to ask Hakotaro-san for help. It's perfect for him, since he loves games, and he's good at solving problems and figuring things out. The next puzzle pieces will come from Bintroll, and Siruko-san can VC or chat with them about it. It will give him time to spend with the people he loves the most, and when he looks back at this memory, Siruko-san would love that they were involved. The last puzzle piece would take him to a hotel though, for their privacy. Sensei would have pulled out all stops for him, rose petals and candles everywhere (he leaves this part out because he doesn’t think Mintosu-san will do this, nor does it suit him), and he imagined Siruko-san confused but super touched at the romantic gesture, and then Sensei would come out and give him an embarrassing but heartfelt speech about how much he loves him and wants to spend forever with him, that Siruko was his lifeline (like the character they both like in APEX), that a man like Sensei can only love someone that greatly once, so Siruko was his one and only. Sensei imagined Siruko-san getting a bit emotional with the speech and cracking a joke to lighten the mood, and then he'd fall down on one knee and tell him how he loves everything about Siruko-san, his good leadership and charisma that makes everyone around him respect and treasure him, his supportive side that lifts everyone around him up, and even his demanding, whiny side that makes you wanna scold him but also indulge him.

And they would have been good for each other. They compensate for what each other doesn't have. They bring out the best in each other. Where Sensei was sometimes emotionally distant, Siruko's empathy and warmth fills that. Where Siruko was full of insecurities and anxieties, Sensei was the confidence and the daring that would support him. They both have a loud personality, which, in a non-arrogant way, has this center-of-attention thing that charms people so well, but also, they both have a side that sometimes hides in the background blending in quietly, and that's what make it's so balanced, because when one roars, the other one knows how to shut up, and vice versa. They can be both assertive and analytical, but they're also both attentive and generous. Sure, they would have had some friction, but they were both understanding enough to have handled it. It would've been sweet, if it could've been him. It would've been fun, if Sensei was the one.

They would have been as natural and beautiful as the purple-blue daybreak sky.

But it wasn't. In this world, it was Mintosu that Siruko wanted and loved. Mintosu who gets to wake up in the morning next to him, who got to cook curry for him and take care of him, who got to hold him in his arms. And they still worked, despite the seemingly destructive fights, because they were proof that if two people tried hard enough, they could make it work. Siruko learned how to assert his opinions and call out Mintosu for his bullshit, and Mintosu learned how to listen and be more showy with his affection. They still have their worse moments, and sometimes they both treat their issues the same way: either pretending it didn't exist even if it bothered them, or giving the other the cold silent treatment, or have screaming fights where they throw their words like knives, and on the worst ones, someone has to interfere, most times (to his agony), it was Sensei who did. But they pulled through by some miracle, and Sensei was happy for them, he really is. They make a good couple when they actually cooperate, and Sensei wouldn’t have approved of any other man other than Mintosu-san for Siruko-san.

And Mintosu-san actually did follow Sensei's advice, to his surprise. Sensei volunteered to make the scavenger hunt for him because that's not Mintosu's strength, but he helped and made an effort to be involved in the process. There were no roses or candles or long speeches, only the few words of: "Siruko-san, I want you to be my partner in everything; in gaming and in life. Marry me." And Siruko didn't believe him at first and thought it was a prank, but when he saw Minben-san was serious for once, he dived into Minben-san's arms and shouted “Yeeees!” And Mintosu-san almost drops the ring but he was able to catch Siruko, and they laughed while their eyes got a bit moist and they spent the whole night reveling in each other's presence and owning each other in all senses. Limone-sensei knew this because they both told him, and he congratulated them sincerely and joked about buying them PC gear for their wedding gift, and later finally let himself cry for the first time.

That was months ago. Sensei's now dusting off his black suit and adjusting his navy blue tie while sitting on his chair, waiting for the wedding ceremony to start. There were two aisles that meet in a center altar, where the officiant is already on standby. Sensei was one of the few lucky people invited in the small ceremony, as usually most people attended the reception instead. Both Mintosu and Siruko wanted him to come, as they said they both owe their relationship to him. Sensei couldn't say no even if he tried, of course. Some good part of him was still proud at what he's done to help, even if his heart dropped to his stomach and shattered to a million pieces at the thought of attending the wedding he very much wanted to be his.

The grooms arrived and walked the aisle, but of course Sensei was only looking at Siruko-san. He was beautiful, with his purple hair combed well and there were no longer dark shadows in his eyes. Not that he has ever been any less beautiful to Sensei, because Sensei found his tired or drunk state equally cute, but this, his wide smile full of nervousness and excitement, his purple eyes shining with glee, it was too much for Sensei, because it wasn't meant for him. He choked on bitter bile and coughed, and beside him Shoichi side-eyed him worriedly. He was the only one who knew, of course. Sensei couldn't have confided in Hanachan; he was already too busy with his own things to think about, and plus, he wouldn’t understand why Sensei backed off. He would have urged Sensei to pursue Siruko-san. Shoichi only knew because he and Sensei went out eating one day and ended up in a bar, and Sensei couldn't hold his alcohol well and accidentally ranted. Shoichi promised he'd never tell anyone, and Sensei knew Shoichi also wanted to ask Sensei why he never tried, but the editor didn’t, only offered silent consolation like a brother. It helped him get through the pain and the heartache, but it never fully healed. This kind of pain lasts a lifetime, because the only love that lasts is unrequited love.

And as they exchanged vows, Sensei tried to let go. He's known for a long time now, what love really means. It meant making difficult, painful choices for the happiness of another person, more than your own. Loving Siruko was the most beautiful and tragic thing he's ever done, but it was okay. He sees Mintosu gaze at Siruko with the same loving eyes he has, and that was good enough. Perhaps such a great love like Sensei had was never meant to be returned, but it will be alright.

And when they kissed, Sensei thought it was okay. People fall in love with people they can't have all the time.

He'll be alright. It was just death by a thousand cuts.

And this story did have a happy ending, just not for him.

The end.

Ren’s RANT that you don’t have to read:

About the story!

Please don't hate Minsan. I love that guy so much and even though him forgetting birthdays is almost a canon-like thing he can do, my good friend Hotaru (who likes to pretend she is Minsan's wife) pointed out that Minben-san doesn't seem like a person who would forget someone's birthday especially if it was someone special to him. He'd most likely buy you a present, although he might forget to give it to you on your actual birthday. 😂😂😂 and that's okay, it was an honest mistake on his part, that's the reason why Sensei wouldn't punch him and Siruko-san forgave him easily. It's just a Minsan thing and I love him.

I also want to point out that Minsan is also emotionally intellectual in a sense that he analyzes feelings and emotions very well, and if you watch his streams he actually has a side to him that's good at self-introspection. We just think he's not the type to show his vulnerable self, and that's why he doesn't really show up much in Bintroll livestreams, because he's more comfortable with gaming than casual chatting, and that's okay. Please don't think I don't ship MinSiru too; I was the biggest MinSiru fan and I still am, and I have probably influenced so many to their ship too. I like their dynamics as well, but as someone who has watched Minben-san for quite a bit of a long time, lately I realized that when it comes to him, Mintosu x Fans are the true canon ship. If you watch his streams closely, you'll know how much he cares about his listeners and really truly genuinely enjoys his interactions with them. He's a complex man; he has different sides of him in the Hanae channel, Bintroll channel, and his own channel, and if you watch him more, you'll fall in love with how close he is to his listeners. That's why I think Mintosu x Fans is canon www (ship MinRen for world peace and clear skin!!) (Ren who imagines herself with Minsan more than Minsan with Siruty)

I see Mintosu as someone who cannot be tied down by a relationship because that’s not him, and that’s okay because you can already see his happiness by gaming, and I love him for that.

This fic is controversial (and that's why it took me a full week to decide whether to publish it) in a sense that I've given some bad points about MinSiru. I did give them some good points, but since it's Sensei POV, it came across as sad. But just because it would be difficult doesn't mean it wouldn't work. Trust me, I'm in a relationship with someone who's almost like Min-san in personality, but we've been together for almost 3 years now. I used to think Siruko-san was a saint for enduring all Mintosu-san's trolls, coz if that was me, I would be annoyed, but there's a reason why Mintosu only does it to Siruko; it's because he's the most comfortable with Siruko3. Siruko-san is patient and understanding enough to deal with Minsan's quirks, and Minsan is also loves his company. They are more similar than people think, and that's why it's easy for them to be in sync. It'll be difficult, but it'll work. Believe me.

LimoSiru rant:

I think I’m getting better at writing angst wwww it’s just sad because if one really watched closely all four channel’s livestreams and videos, they’d see LimoSiru is beautiful too. They may not have had shared history and sexual tension, but it’s obvious how Siruko-san really supports Sensei in everything, and Sensei in return supports Bintroll even if he didn’t have to, and that’s beautiful.

I think part of the reason why I ship LimoSiru is because they make it so easy for me. It's not my fault when they are the ones who make all these cute, flirty interactions. I've started shipping them since the Fall Guys stream and have noticed how incredibly cute their relationship is. Imagine someone crashing your stream because he had this puzzle he couldn’t solve and because you’re so smart, he goes to you instead, not caring if you are currently streaming or if there are fans watching. Like seriously, Sensei, don’t you have friends? Or couldn’t you just LINE Siruko-san afterwards? If it seems like LimoSiru just happened all of a sudden, I assure you it didn’t. It’s always been there, and they started as friends too. It's almost enemies to friends to something more. In the Dedomental video, Mintosu asks Siruko-san where his name came from, although he jokes it’s kinda dirty. If you watch Sensei’s POV, you’ll hear him laugh and say “I think it’s a good name.” Siruko-san always crashes Sensei’s stream and Sensei does the same, and I found it especially cute when Sensei always superchats in Siruko’s birthday stream; first, when he played DbD with them, and on the second, isn’t it cute how he sends superchat while he’s streaming, like he doesn’t have to do that, but he did. Even in the Bintroll 100k stream, he helped them make the DbD minecraft after his own stream, and that was so on-the-spot, and the fact that he did that even though he could have just ended his stream and rested, is very thoughtful. And have you watched that sudden stream that took our wigs off? Bintroll had just received their silver play and moments later Sensei wanted a stream with Siruko-san, when he could have just congratulated them on Twitter or LINE. The conversations, gods they sound like two people who were in the early stages of dating, and it felt like we listeners were third-wheelers. They learned their lesson on stream #2 because the conversations were more proper and they kept themselves in check, but that raw, unfiltered, natural first stream was everything. I’ve always had so little content for LimoSiru and even if they didn’t do that I would have been happy, but now with that big, fat LimoSiru official thumbnail there, I have died and ascended to heaven. (As of the release of this post, they have interacted almost everyday for a week, and I don't know what to do with all these interactions! I've been so used to little content and now I'm just… dead)

But not everyone ships like me, I guess, one who can ship anything and everything equally. At the end of the day, nothing is canon. That’s the real angst in this post, hahahaha. I know the characters in my mind are different from the people who livestreams in real time, no matter how much I always try to keep the characterization close. So let’s just enjoy supporting them in our own ways.

Thank you for reading! I love you~~

#Bintrollfanfic

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izzy-b-hands · 5 years

Text

Aten Pt. 1

More random Ahk fic. I gave him a bf (again, because I can’t help myself, if I can’t find anyone he’s gonna at least) and we get nsfw so hold on to ur hats folks. A reminder that in my canon, Ahk is 21 (I know the movie says he’s younger but gosh darn it I just don’t believe that. He does not look or act that young to me okay. I remember being as young as they claim he is, he would need to act much sillier/stupider to be that young, but I digress. Here in Lee’s fanon land, he’s 21.)

Interspersed some themes from the opera Akhnaten, and talk about it in the fic, hence the title (the name for the sun disk deity/sort of technically an aspect of Ra but whatever that’s a lot of history to sum up right here worshipped by the pharaoh Akhnaten.)

Breaking this into parts, because this is getting longer than I anticipated lol.

ANYWAY

fic below the cut as per usual

My love to all who read/like/reblog!

He rose at the usual hour, expecting the soft lights of his exhibit, always on thanks to Larry.

It was pitch black, except for the soft glow of the emergency lights out in the hall. As he fumbled his way through the rest of the museum, grateful for the few emergency lights. He expected the exhibit spaces would be empty, and everyone else would be as confused as he was.

But everyone was in their usual exhibits, not a sign of life in them. Nothing woke them, not any of his shouting or poking or prodding.

“If this a joke, then know that I do not like it!” Ahkmenrah shouted to the apparently empty museum.

It was eerie as he walked quickly from one hall to the next, no sound but the swish of his cloak and the padding of his sandals on the tile floor.

Finally, he heard Larry’s voice, calling out for someone, anyone to answer.

“Where have you been?” he scolded as he ran to the main hall, where Larry was stood near the front desk, looking as puzzled as could be.

“I slept through my alarm, my bad,” Larry replied. “Is this uhh...a prank or did I piss everyone off, or...”

“I don’t know. I’ve tried waking everyone, at every exhibit I’ve gone by, and nothing has worked. If this is a prank, they are very dedicated to it,” Ahkmenrah replied.

Without warning, Larry screamed, as loud as he could.

Ahkmenrah stared at him, wincing at the sound. “What on earth was that for?”

Larry shrugged. “Thought it might rouse somebody. But I don’t think anyone’s awake. Which is weird, because then how are you...”

“I don’t know. Something’s wrong,” he replied.

They were of one mind then, down the halls and back to Ahkmenrah’s exhibit to check on the tablet.

“Ah,” Ahkmenrah sighed. “Look. One of the panels is wedged, someone must have tried to turn it. You think it being this high up would mean no one would try and touch it.”

He carefully tried to moved the panel back, but it was stuck tight. “I’ll need tools to move it without damaging it. The restoration expert’s tools are what i’ll need, if you can get them.”

Larry winced. “He’s at a set of conferences, for the next two weeks. Took his things with him too. I have that memo somewhere; he said in it just to leave things in need of repair in his office.”

“With all due respect to him, I’d rather repair this on my own once he’s back, and you can borrow his tools for me at night,” Ahkmenrah said as gently as he could. He knew that the restorer meant well, but he still would rather not have him touch the tablet if he could help it.

“So...that one being stuck must have changed the settings or whatever on this, right?”

Ahkmenrah nodded. “Apparently. With it moved, the magic only awakens me, not everyone else.”

They stood there awkwardly for a moment as Ahkmenrah set the tablet back in its place.

“Good night, I suppose,” he finally said, and waited for Larry to go.

“Oh. I mean...okay. If you want me to go, I can. But just because everyone else is...asleep, we could say, doesn’t mean you have to stay in here alone. Unless you want to be alone, of course, then I’ll...go sit at the front desk and just...I don’t know, honestly,” Larry said with a shrug. “If you’d want to hang out, come help me keep an eye on things, I’d certainly welcome the company though.”

“That would be nice,” Ahkmenrah admitted. He’d figured Larry might not want him tagging around after him like a puppy dog, so it was a pleasant surprise to hear otherwise.

“C’mon then! We’ll talk, hang out, I’ve got snacks and your other clothes in my locker, if you want them,” Larry said, leading the way out of the exhibit.

With the lights still off, it was eerie walking about, the museum feeling almost too bit. Larry seemed to feel the same, if the nervous chewing of his lip was anything to go by.

“So. Must have been scary, waking up in here all alone like this,” Larry said as they walked to the employee lounge. “Not that you couldn’t handle being alone in here, I mean, I wasn’t implying-”

“Actually, that was my worst nightmare come true,” Ahkmenrah interrupted. “I was so glad to hear your voice, to not be alone in here anymore. If I had no other option but to be alone...I suppose I’d have simply stayed in my exhibit area.”

“Well, I promise I will be on time every day for the next two weeks, so no more waking up alone,” Larry replied with a smile. “After you change, should we go put some music on the PA system? Too quiet in here without something on, or people in here.”

“I’d like that. You have something in mind?”

“An opera. I figure if there’s anyone who’ll listen to it with me, it’ll be you,” Larry said.

“Opera? I didn’t expect you to be that sort of man,” Ahkmenrah said.

Larry shrugged. “Not my normal thing, but I like this one. About a pharaoh, actually, by Philip-”

“Glass,” Ahkmenrah finished. “I know the opera, and I do like it. You go put it on, I’ll join you in a moment.”

He changed quickly as Larry went to the main desk. It was turning out better than expected, spending time with just Larry. Who knew how else he might surprise him.

He went to the main desk, and found the conversation flowed easily now while the opera played, echoing through the halls. About the opera (both of them wished to see it performed live) to the museum, to the city itself.

“I know you’d love to get out and see more of it,” Larry said. “I want to make that happen more, but the others-”

“I understand,” Ahkmenrah stopped him with a raise of his hand. “Not all of them can go out and pass on the streets in modern clothes, and they get understandably jealous about it. Any night you can offer me is a gift; I treasure them all.”

Larry nodded. “Y’know though, I could bring someone to meet you, Ahk. About your age, a regular here, stays so late I’ve had to ask him to go so he doesn’t see all of you wake up! But he’s a great kid, studying to work in Egyptology. He claims he only comes to your exhibit every other week for that research but-”

Larry laughed. “You’d love him. He asks about you all the time. ‘What do you think he was like, what did he look like, surely Ahkmenrah must have been wonderful.’ I have to bite my tongue not to tell him he could just meet you and see. But now...maybe I could.”

“You think he could keep it a secret? About me...” Ahkmenrah asked.

“I do,” Larry replied. “Here, let me show you him.”

He pulled out his phone, and showed a picture to Ahkmenrah. “There’s me, of course, your sarcophagus in the background, and that’s Tristan.”

His breath caught in his throat. He was cute, reddish-blondish hair and a sweet smile, and soft brown eyes anyone could get lost in. And for a moment, lost he was.

“Ahk? You good?” Larry’s chuckle brought him back.

“Yes, of course, um-” he stuttered. “He looks to be a very-”

“Cute?”

“I...I mean I’ve never said-”

“I know,” Larry said, and smiled. “But you just stopped breathing for a good minute, and you’re blushing red as a tomato. Kinda gave yourself away, buddy. And don’t worry, half the time he can’t stop talking about how beautiful he presumes you were. Especially after his last break up, with some guy named Jeremy. He was in here every day for a week straight, in your exhibit, crying or trying not to cry. Said being near you and your exhibit made him feel better.”

His heart was beating entirely too fast to be reasonable, and he scolded himself. “The poor thing. Was it recent?”

“Nah. Good year back now. Why? Are you wanting this first meeting to be a-”

“Date? That would be entirely too forward of me to ask for that,” Ahk said, then bit his tongue. “I mean, unless he’d...I don’t know, I-”

“Awww,” Larry said softly. “Tell you what. I’ll see if he can come with me tomorrow night. Let him in on this, that it has to stay a secret, or he can’t come. Not that anyone would believe him if he told anyone but, still. And you two can meet, and if sparks fly...well, there’s the couch in the lounge...”

“Larry!” he said sharply, but his mind lingered at the thought. Would it be much too much on a first meeting? Probably, but he couldn’t help but think of it.

“I’m just saying,” Larry laughed. “Whatever happens, you two have that space to sit and talk or...anything else you can think up.”

He could only nod, as he thought of Tristan’s face, and the glimpse of Tristan’s hands, lovely hands, that had been in the picture Larry had shown him.

Blessedly, Larry let the conversation drift to the snacks he’d brought with him for the night, and they ate and talked of other unimportant things for the rest of the night.

“Time to pack it in,” Larry said as he cleaned the desk. “You want me to walk you back?”

“I’ll be alright. I’ll go change and head in. Thank you for tonight Larry, for everything.”

He left quickly then, as he thought of him again, and did so all the way through changing and settling back into his sarcophagus. Trying to memorize the cute face in the picture, so it was the last thing on his mind before the morning sun crested.

****

The next night, he was up and out of his sarcophagus before Larry would arrive. Normally, he’d wait, but he couldn’t tonight. He had a good impression to make, after all.

Even with his careful dressing and primping before he went to the main desk, it was still a short wait until he finally heard Larry’s voice, and a new voice, coming down the hall.

“I can keep a secret,” the new voice said, deep but not too deep. Like a ray of afternoon sunshine, Ahk thought. Strong enough to warm one, but soft enough to fall asleep under. “I just...man, if this is real. Wow. Should I bow, or kneel when I see him?”

“Just act normal,” Larry laughed. “Yes, he’s royalty, but he’s very...chill. And excited to meet you too.”

Larry smiled as they approached the desk. “And there he is! Ahk, Tristan. Tristan, Ahk.”

He left the desk to approach them, and immediately Tristan fell to one knee.

“Oh no, you don’t have to,” Ahk said, and rushed over to pull him back up. “I mean, that is sweet of you. But it’s alright. Here.”

He took off his crown, and handed it to Larry before ruffling a hand through his curls. “Better? The crown is...imposing. And a bit heavy.”

Tristan was bright red, and suddenly grabbed his hand and kissed it. “You’re still a pharaoh though.”

“True, but not in this time. I’m just...me,” he replied, even as his heart beat at the contact of Tristan’s lips to his skin.

“I’m gonna go about things,” Larry said. “You two head on to the lounge. I’ll put this away for you, okay Ahk?”

He nodded, but his eyes never left Tristan’s.

“...okay then,” Larry said. “You kids have fun.”

As Larry walked away, Ahk led Tristan to the lounge.

“You need not walk behind me,” he said as they went, noticing Tristan apparently working to stay just behind him.

“But you’re-”

“Ahk. A new friend, who’d love to have you walk beside him,” he interrupted softly, and gestured for Tristan to come forward.

He could have screeched with joy as Tristan trotted up to be beside him. It was wonderful and sweet and made even better when they reached the couch and, thanks to how small it was, ended up as close as could be.

They were silent for a moment, then Tristan giggled.

“Gosh. You’re him! You’re more beautiful than I expected.”

Immediately, Tristan blushed again, and it was Ahk’s turn to giggle.

“Larry showed me a picture of you, last night. But you’re even more beautiful in person.”

“Oh, gosh I’m nothing compared to you though,” Tristan stuttered.

“You shouldn’t say that,” Ahk replied, and tucked a stray piece of Tristan’s hair behind his ear. It wasn’t horribly long, just a bit near the ears, and that those pieces kept popping forward was utterly adorable. “You’re handsome. Even your name is beautiful.”

“I’ve always hated it,” Tristan sighed. “It literally means ‘sad’, or at least one translation of it does.”

“That may be, but you shine brighter than the meaning of the name. We could give you a nickname, if you’d want something happier.”

“That would be...so cool!” Tristan said. “I mean, my mom calls me Stan, but I don’t like that either.”

Ahk bit back a frown. This man was certainly not a ‘Stan.’ “You remind me of the sunlight. The whole museum seems brighter with you in it. I could call you Aten.”

He didn’t think Tristan could blush any deeper, but he did. “But that’s...a deity, I mean at least he’s associated with the sun and Ra, and I am not-”

“A god? No, but if dying and living again has taught me anything, it is that none of us are. But we may bear the similarities of them, as you bear the brightness and warmth of the sun. If you would rather I not call you that-”

“No, you can, I mean...it makes me feel special. And I’m nothing special, but it’s...it’s nice to feel special,” Tristan, his Aten, interrupted gently.

This was too forward, Ahk knew it was, but Aten seemed to feel the same. And there was no harm in addressing the elephant in the room.

“I want to get to know you better. But, we both seem rather distracted by the...shall we say physical side of things.”

Aten, and though Tristan was a beautiful name, he did seem more an Aten the more Ahk used it, even in his head, nodded. “I’ve been wanting to kiss you since I got here. I thought the kiss on the hand would calm me down, because I mean, c’mon, we’re just meeting and I am not normally that sort of guy, but this has been just...magnetic and I want to get to know you too, but if you feel the same and it would be easier to talk if we get things out of our system, and-”

Ahk softly grabbed Aten’s face in his hands. “Could you just kiss me?”

And there was the afternoon sun again, in Aten’s lips and hands and hips as he pulled him close and back with him onto the couch. He heard Larry’s footsteps and the closing of the lounge door, but paid it no mind.

It was frenzied for all of a moment, before Aten stopped and hissed. “Your clothes...I can’t imagine trying to restore them, I should be careful.”

“Hold on,” Ahk said, and carefully moved from under him. Without a second thought, he pulled his sweatshirt and sweats from Larry’s locker, and changed.

It was only after he was done changing, his usual garb safely folded and set on the table in the lounge that he realized he had accidentally stepped way over the line of forward, though Aten’s face was a happy one.

“Should I have just left them off?” he asked with a smile as he returned to his spot beneath Aten.

“I...I’ve just never seen you...sweats, it’s different, not bad just...” Aten’s head dropped to Ahk’s shoulder, and he pulled him close again, running his hands over Aten’s back.

“Not very regal, but comfortable,” he said. “And on the nights Larry lets me out to explore, I have to blend in, so...these.”

Aten seemed stuck, his head lifted again, but those gorgeous brown eyes simply glued to his.

“Come. Kiss me again. We’ll talk later tonight, or tomorrow, if tonight proves too busy,” he smiled, and traced Aten’s lips with one of his fingers before pulling him gently down by the chin for another kiss.

Logically, he knew the night would have to end, but he didn’t want it to. It was too good, all of this. Aten warm in his arms, stripping him of his sweatshirt before pulling off his own shirt, their hips grinding as they kissed. He could not say all what he would do just to have Aten’s hands stay on him as they were now, moving to every bit of bare skin they could reach, toying with the waistband of his sweatpants, but he knew it was a great deal.

An alarm beeped on Aten’s watch, and he broke their kiss to look at it. “Fuck. We have half an hour left. Larry said the sun-”

“I know,” Ahk replied. “A half hour is plenty of time to end this the way I think we’d both like it to.”

It wasn’t enough time to do everything he might have been hoping for, but it was enough time to keep kissing Aten, to have him leave marks on his neck that he prayed would not fade by the time he awoke the next night, even after his body changed for the morning. Enough time to moan loudly enough at the increased pace of it all, the friction of their hard cocks against each other, kept apart only by the fabric of Ahk’s sweatpants and Aten’s boxer briefs (he’d barely been able to focus enough to undo the button and zipper of Aten’s jeans, but he was so glad he had.) Enough time to leave a mark of his own, a gentle nip at Aten’s neck that made him whimper and whine so loudly he knew Larry must have heard it. But he didn’t care, had only one thing on his mind.

Just before the second alarm on Aten’s watch beeped, he let himself go, moaning, his cum hitting his stomach and Aten’s as the waistband on his sweatpants had shifted. Aten followed a moment later, kissing him so hard as he came that he saw stars.

As they lay there, still wrapped in each other, there was a knock on the door.

“Um. I hate to break up the...well. But we’ve got three minutes, Ahk, so-”

Aten kissed him one last time, then pulled himself up and off the couch. “Come on. I’ll help clean you up before we dress you, let me get-”

“Leave it,” Ahk said softly. “It won’t matter anyways, after the sun rises. I want it on me for now. A reminder.”

Aten kissed him again, but Larry’s insistent knocking interrupted it.

“Tomorrow night?” Ahk asked softly as he changed.

“Definitely,” Aten replied with a grin. “Maybe we can even talk tomorrow.”

“Of course.”

“And maybe, keep the door shut again...I mean, in case we need a break, from talking, or...that sounds so bad, probably, but...”

Ahk smiled, and dashed from the door to him to kiss him deeply again. “Not bad at all. We can do both. Till tomorrow night.”

He had to run to his exhibit, and was barely in his sarcophagus when the heavy feeling of death came over him again.

But it had been worth it, so worth it. He couldn’t wait for the next night.

#text post #LeeH writes #NATM fic #ahkmenrah fic

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fightevilandthengetblownup · 5 years

Text

Chat: Jo + Gray romcoms

(for lexy)

Jo> She likes pointless fluff movies. I’m being told I have to watch Friends With Benefits next after I finish the last 20 mins of the first half of this series

Jo> :l

Jo> *actually doesnt mind that movie just finds it hysterical Jo does*

Grey> Is Friends with Benefits the one with Mila Kunis?

Jo> Yep

Grey> Who’s the male lead in that?

Jo> Justin Timberlake

Grey> Ah

Jo> It’s kind of hilarious that Jo likes that movie

Grey> Because of how she is about relationships?

Jo> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7_CVAI_twO0 and then http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XA6M-V4oHso first 20 seconds just… kind of amazingly hilarious.

Jo> She’s somewhere between or actually boh main characters at once

Jo> (Also the Train in the background of the first cracks me up)

Grey> TRAIN IN THE BACKGROUND LOL

Jo> Yeeeep

Grey> You linked me the sex scene? LOL *signs in*

Jo> Its the end of the crappy romcom movie that the girl wanted to watch and the guy spent the entire time paying out.

Jo> LOL

Jo> Yes

Jo> Because

Jo> First 20 seconds is magic

Jo> …hell the entire thing is magic

Jo> And hilariously like if Jo were a guy and a girl at the same time

Jo> honest to god

Grey> “I sneeze sometimes after I come” *drink everywhere*

Jo> Wait for it

Grey> HES SINGING

Jo> LOL

Grey> “WHOA TOO FAR”

Jo> “When women start to scream it can me misconstrued”

Grey> *dead*

Grey> So much for just once

Jo> LOL Yeeeep.

Jo> Can you see kind of where I get my amusement from?

Grey> Yep

Jo> “Grab my hair.” “Kiss my neck”

Grey> *dies at butt part*

Jo> *nodnod*

Grey> Oh my god

Grey> Oh man mom walking in at the end

Jo> Lol yep

Jo> I find so much fucking amusement from that movie and the fact it’s number 3 on Jo’s fave ‘romcom’s

Grey> What are the first two?

Jo> Pretty Woman and Miss Congeniality

Grey> Awwwww Miss Congeniality. "So her top favorites are about a hooker finding a sugar daddy, a tomboy becoming a barbie doll and two friends fucking?“ Gray that’s not… no.

Jo> "Got a problem with that?” Gray. Darling. No… …though he has a point but no…

Grey> “Other than your taste in movies is shit. No.” He’s got the air of implying about him.

Jo> “…I’m just glad it was top three then, I’m sure you’d find the next two just as shit…” Jo is well aware the implication and I am snickering my head off

Grey> “And what are those, Legally Blonde and The House Bunny?” *pets her*

Jo> “…no. Clueless and a tie between 500 Days of Summer and Runaway Bride….

Jo> ” She knows how bad those are, but theyre better than Legally Blonde and House Bunny at least. (What’s Your Number, Stardust, Legally Blonde, You’ve Got Mail and Sleepless In Seattle round out the top ten though)

Grey> “*snickering*” Yeah. The House Bunny is shit but Legally Blonde isn’t bad imo. It’s got Matt Davis in it for one so…

Jo> “…oh go ahead. Say it.” Lol yeah House Bunny is. Legally Blonde’s pretty alright - the second is dreadful though.

Grey> “Say what that you have horrible picks and clearly just want some guy to swoop in a rescue you?” Second one doesnt exist in my mind. Because I like the first one too much to admit it.

Jo> “You just don’t like romantic comedies and most of those involve free thinking, independent women who can survive all on their own without a man…sorta.” LOL I cried my way through it. In pain.

Grey> “Except they all end up with a guy and the whole plot of them is either "fucks a dude and keeps fucking him” or “discovers she’s ladylike after all”.“ I saw it on tv once, attempted to watch then switched the channel 5 minutes in because it was hurting

Jo> "Pretty Woman is about how you aren’t just your job - that there is more to a person than just that; Miss Congeniality is about doing the right thing, and that everyone can be more than what their intial appearance might suggest; FoB is about how… sometimes worrying about the labels of things can ruin something that’s working and that …getting over that shit’s for the best…” It’s dreadful..

Grey> “Uh huh.” Yeah I dont know what charm the first one has that the second one is missing but you can definitely tell it’s missing it. Same with Miss Congeniality, first movie is cute second movie makes you want to tear out your eyes

Jo> (Oh god, I just realised the girl in Friends with Benefits at the start is going to go see Pretty Woman at the cinema as some romcom weeklong thing and her then bf dumps her out front and she’s already missed the boots)

Grey> *DEAD*

Jo> “…shut up, alright. God, a girl is allowed to like pointless fluff sometimes!” LOL So so true. The same goes for Bring It On. *crying at this movie again now*

Jo> (“You know I love this movie! If a prostitute and a ruthless businessman who fall in love, then anyone can. *wistful sigh/tone*” *dying*)

Grey> “I would think you get enough of that with the runt.” Oh my god that’s hilarious

Jo> “…I think your brother knows better than to..freak me out with that sort of thing. Reality, fiction, don’t cross the streams..much.” I know. I forgot it and now Im dead.

Grey> “So he’s not constantly trying to bring you flowers or jewelry or anyt of that other crap? I’m surprised he has so much restraint.” No wonder Jo likes the movie

Jo> “No, he’s not. Seems you don’t know him quite as well as you think…” Oh yeah. … http://youtu.be/GvBNVJjhj4Q?t=11s Just… start o the film is pretty much this. And yep. It totally does.

Grey> “Or he doesn’t like you as much as he says he does.” I feel bad for Justin’s character cause that bitch crazy

Grey> “Next time just shit on my face cause that’s the same thing” no it isnt lady

Jo> Wait for the explanation of Mila’s character

Grey> WOW Andy’s a dick

Jo> LOL Yuuuuup

Grey> *spit take at Justin*

Jo> Just wait

Jo> It gets more

Grey> *DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD*

Jo> “Or maybe he likes me as much as he says he does and doesn’t want me to feel uncomfortable or pressured and is making sure I’m okay with things.” I KNOW RIGHT?! AND THATS JUST THE FIRST THREE MINUTES OF THE MOVIE

Grey> “If he liked you as much as he said, he’d get you flowers. Because that’s what Grey does, flowers and chocolate and bubble baths with candles and rose petals and all the other lame shit because that’s what he does, he does the lame "romantic” crap and he likes doing that. So he either doesnt actually care that much or he’s completely terrified of you and is too scared to even approach the matter"

Grey> That’s hilarious

Grey> Especially Justin’s just completely lunatic of the girlfriend. Like Mina’s guy was just lazy and a jerk but Justin’s girl was fucking monkeynuts crazy

Jo> “He would not - he might want to, but right now? He wouldn’t. I prefer non-materialistic things anyway so…” I know. She’s amazing. She keeps calling too. I seriously recommend it if you have a few hours to spare or fill or are bored sometime because that movie is just great. Better than No Strings (the Portman/Kutcher one)

Grey> “If he wouldnt its because you’re scaring him. But hey if you’re cool with him being too scared to say what he wants then….” It does look a lot funnier than Natalie’s

Jo> “I am not /scaring/ him. He knows he can say whatever he likes to me or bring up stuff…. …” It is. I’ve seen both several times, Friends With is much better. The original Coke to Nat’s new.

Grey> “Sure he does. That’s why he didn’t tell you he loved you for the longest time. Because he’s totally not afraid to talk to you.” I feel like I should just watch both then Black Swan to mindfuck myself but I can’t right now lol

Jo> “He does, and… that’s none of your business, and it wasn’t 'the longest time’, was barely three months after..” LOL Oh god that would be dreadful.

Grey> “Uh huh. And he hasnt really said it again has he?” Yep it would

Jo> “He has too. …a few times.” Brainfuck indeed.

Grey> “And I bet you know exactly how many because it doesnt happen a lot.” Completely

Jo> “…your point being? People don’t have to say they love one another all the time, I’m sure you could count on one hand the number of times you’ve said it.”

Grey> “Because I’m a arrogant asshole monster who doesn’t really give two shits to get emotional about things. Does that sound like Grey to you?”

Jo> “…no. Sounds a little like me though, so instead - how often has Anna said it to you, huh? Just because he doesn’t say it often doesn’t mean he doesn’t know he can ask about things or talk about stuff.”

Grey> “More than five times less than twenty. He’s stupid though, how would you know he knew he could ask if he doesnt feel like he could say it? Doesnt matter now I guess with that collar on you he’ll be too freaked out to do much of anything”

Jo> “..Oh. ….Because he knows me? Because neither of us is going to judge or fly off the handle? Because I haven’t gone running yet? ….shut up, fuck you.”

Grey> “If he knows you he knows that your terrified of getting attached and won’t bring it up for fear of driving you away. I’m just stating facts.”

Jo> “Otherwise known as caring and respecting a loved ones boundaries. And you say that like we’re not attached, because we are, so shove off. …you’re being a dick with the truth.”

Grey> “Otherwise known as being spineless. Wait until he wants to get married then see how attached you are. Better than just being a dick right?”

Jo> “There’s a difference - one is being respectful, the other has no basis other than fear for it. …. ………. Let’s not talk about that, ever, again. Oh shut up..”

Grey> “So how do you know he’s doing it out of respect instead of fear? Just wait.”

Jo> “Because, I just do. …And I said again…”

Grey> “Uh huh. You’re going to run when you see that little box.”

Jo> “…. ….I’m not going to run..” Mental commentary: “I’m going to politely say I need time to think, excuse myself and go hide under the covers. The fastest will be a brisk walk. Yes. No running. It’d be fine.”

Grey> “Yes you are. Watching him bend his knee and go into his pocket for it is just going to scare you so badly you’re going to take off running like a scared deer.” Awwww poor Jo

Jo> “No. I’m… I have more restraint than that even if that /isn’t/ my response.” Think she’d feel bad for it but..unless she suggests it she’ll probably freak.

Grey> “You’re right, cause he’s probably going to do it in public. You wouldnt want to make a scene. All those eyes on you expecting to say yes especially his when he looks so happy and expectant.” He wouldnt ask. I mean like… probably never unless they actually had a kid. Because he knows it wouldnt work

Jo> ( http://youtu.be/VIirTZQWJBg?t=30s *crying* Guess Jo has a penis where her vaginas supposed to be)

Grey> (SO DEAD. Oh Woody Harrelson you are always hilarious)

Jo> “…shut up. How do you know the answer would be no? Or that I wouldn’t be the one askin’? Everyone’s always calling me the boy of us…” Cue gray laughing head off. And yeah, no - I’d figured he probably wouldn’t, what’s sad is a marriage would work but proposing the idea wouldnt. (IKR? He’s a gay sports writer)

Grey> “Because you don’t do commitment? You… ask him… *laughing*” *nods* He’d figure they couldnt therefore wouldnt ask unless its a kid in which case he’d feel like “this is a family now” and ask. (He’s hilarious. I lost it)

Jo> “I do sometimes. …. *tries not to laugh as well* Yeah, okay shut up..” Yep - which I think he might be able to get a yes if he didn’t say it was cause she was preg or had had a baby, mde the family comment instead. (LOL Yeeep)

Grey> “Fine. That was funny enough I’ll shut up. *still laughing*” *nods* I think his approach would be something like “I’d like for us to be a family. And I want to be officially part of that family.” Plus that way if something happens to Jo the kids stay with him. (Armpit girl? Do I even want to know…)

Jo> ( http://youtu.be/GJucbfuvh-A armpit girl)

Grey> (Oh Justin baby what is it with you and crazy broads)

Jo> “Glad you enjoyed it… *fails at holding back a giggle* Okay seriously, I’m not that bad.. or I’m not the worst, so shuddup.” Yeah, that would actually probably work. (Yeeeep)

Grey> “Not the worst? Right okay compared to like me or something.” And of course Grey would have the sense enough not to try to make a big affair of it, nor would he want to

Jo> “There are worse people out there without going straight to you, Gray.” Yep yep - big affair woul get a no.

Jo> (Oh god, I forgot the guy in this has a stutter when he was nervous)

Grey> “*indignantly* Are not. I’m the worst. End of discussion.” *slaps Gray for wanting to look like the horrible monster again* I think the closest he’d come to that was asking if she wanted her mother there or any close friends. (So dead)

Jo> “Sure thing, I just meant there were people between the two of us on the worse scale is all.” *snickers at him* lol true true. Knowing Jo she’d not want much, or until after. (Yeeep)

Grey> “Nope. You’re close enough to me there’s no one left between us.” *nods* Jesse go to bed jo harvelle gray chat complete Aug 21st, 2012

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sometimesrosy · 6 years

Text

Roswell New Mexico ep 1.09 liveblog Songs About Texas

Listen I don’t care that I’ve never done a liveblog about this show before. I love it. I watched the original. I like this one better. Do not watch if you don’t want my buzzed cursing and spoilers and flailing. Because I curse and flail and spoil. it was an accidental liveblog because I was messaging a friend of mine who watches but was not caught up. So I didn’t want to spoil her until she said it was fine and then it became no holds barred. Do I edit it or let you see my terrible typing while I watch a show and drink a beer in the afternoon?

Ahh. Get it unfiltered.

me--all right. i'm watching the roswell episode

buddy--We had a rather intense work meeting How’s the Rowell episode Roswell*

me-- just started. idk. did you see the last episode? omg i like all these character so well

Buddy--No I’m so behind

me--well then i can't tell you marias not as quirky. i liked the last maria a lot oh i like all these characters. the female sheriff? i like her too can we please have a maria/alex/michael love triangle? please? no wait not love triangle. ot3 polyamory please

buddy--Lol your commentary is awesome

me--michael is canon bi. it works. maria and alex can just be nonsexual partners and share micheale he's SO cute IF YOU HAD KEPT UP TO DATE I COULD GIVE YOU BETTER COMMENTARY

buddy--YOU CAN SPOIL ME

[buckle up I just go IN]

me--they're going to see a faith healer they're wondering if she's an alien. max and michael went to see if she did that, but liz and maria went to see if she could heal maria's mom who is crazy. the female sheriff went to ALEX instead of his father who is trying to get her to out max. she found a handprint death and thiks there's a conspiracy and she doesn't trust alex's dad who is blackmailing her to surveil alex. wait why is MARIA going with Michael to heal his broken hand that was smashed by Alex's dad because he cauthg them together. oh wait. liz is talking to max PERSONAL SPACE MUCH? michael is funny. "That feeling babe is naivetee" wait why does michael care about maria? oh she's a fake healer. oh. they just did an indigenous appropriation comment. wait grandma is like, 'they were asking about the sigil?" i love his show confession. i'm on my second beer. michael stole from the scamming healer. liz doesn't care

buddy--Ah feeling a little loose?

me--michael is funny casual let's say better than anxiety oh they just made a cut about healthcare. this show is awesome maria is singing alanis morisette!

buddy--Oh hey I don’t judge at allI can’t go that route or my family would start raising eyebrows

me--i'll probably have to watch again because i'm getting buzzed wait why is michael flirting with maria stop it michael if you're just teasing poor max is moping wait maria's making max sing with her i love max, michael, maria and liz together. oh now we have alex, the female sheriff, and liz's ex boyfriend. i like them too but he thinks the murderer is isobel but it's not i bet it's someone else.

buddy--No I can’t imagine it’s that simple

me--i think there's another alien out there killing people and taking control of isobel which means she didn't kill rosa but whoever controlled her did I'm REALLY gonna need michael to stop flirting with maria because i used to ship maria and michael and he made me ship michael and alex. michael is both hot and funny at least we get some max and liz bonding. oh no there's a motel across the street!!!!!! girl sheriff just got told her ex bf max is an alien

this show is great

Oh god lol Is everyone in this town in love with max evans? says liz's ex bf what's his name?

buddy--Dude come on you know the answer to that I think Kyle

me--lol kyle yes that's right uh oh needed to rewind the lol line and i rewound too far. atleast i get to see max and liz again wow how far did it rewind? I guess I'm pushing my kids "clean up your room at 4" back a little bit. wait we're back to alanis again? maybe my buzzed rewinding is making it so i don't need to watch again btw maria can sing wait michael TOTALLY checked out maria stop that! liz is falling in love wth max wait lol line coming up. in love wih max evans DId you just threaten to tattle to our parents Jenna? Manes or the Sheriff. now she's about to find out Max is an alien. wait. the female cop is Jenna. it skipped to the previous commerical l why would it do that? michael and maria flirting again. listen stop playing with my heart. WHICH ONE?Maria or Alex? they're so cute Liz suggests the hotel. She jus tlooked at Max with love in her eyes If there's only one bed i will die Jenna freaking out about Alien Max wait here's the line. Kyle annoyed because everyone is in love wih Max evans. Alex says, "angsty nerd isn't my type even though he is tall." Kyle says, "Is angsty COWBOY?"lol

buddy--Lol

me--btw remember kyle used to be a homophobe

buddy--Ohhh right

me--uh oh. Kyle has info too. Alex is investigating. Alex, Kyle and Jenna are a good team. Alex wants to take over project shepherd.

STOP!! THEY ONLY HAVE ONE ROOM AT THE MOTEL!!!!

buddy--LOL

me--Oh no lol

KING SIZE BED ITS THE JALAPENO ROOM REAL SPICY that is an actual quote from actual canon

buddy--LOL What?!

me--LOL YES LITERALLY But the clerk found anothe rroom I think Wait wait before he found the room

"It's fine, I can sleep in the truck" max "ITS FINE WE"RE ADULTS" liz

LOL OMG THERE WAS ONLY ONE BED

buddy--LOL Oh the kiss of death

me--lol but they're teasing he finds another room lol. i'm crying with laughter is it the beer or is it really funny? i have to pause and let myself laugh even though the other room is called The Alamo room. "Which one of you is into mass carnage? i love this show Lol rewind i need to see that again WF WTDF WTF i can't even curse without typos IT LITERALLY JUST DID THAT just cut to liz alone in a giant bed. halepenos. real spicy. she's tossing and turning i am pausing with liz tossing and turning because I DONT BELIEVE IT i know how to spell jalapenos. i'm not a good typist especially when watching tv

buddy--It’s okay lol

me--THey cut from Liz tossing and turning in the jalapeno room to max tossing and turning in the alamo room. THIS IS A FUCKING FANFIC neither of them could sleep. YOU COULDN"T GET COMFORTABLE BECAUSE YOU SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SAME BED YOU FOOLS

buddy--LOL CLASSIC

me--Max wants to be a healer, he tells liz. or thinks he should because he's seen people die in his job. She's the only one he's saved."Uneasy lies the head that wears the crown." quoting henry the iv. dorks. he just gave her his coat uh oh liz doesn't hate max anymore. she was mad at max becuase he lied to her, he broke her heart. shades of bellarke LISTEN YOU ASKED FOR THIS LIVEBLOG isn't there a writer for this show that used to be on the 100 is it the sisters?

buddy--YEA

me--mother fuckers

buddy--Oh lord almighty

me--i have to keep taking breaks because i can't handle it

buddy--Well I know what I’m watching when I get home

me--they are literally bellarke after coming back together. llz felt betrayed like clarke felt betrayed over madi if i press the wrong button it goes CRAZY on the rewind. it just went all the way back to the fake healer liz wanted to share a bed. she hated the alamo room this is SO fanfic romantic THis is so bellarke even how she walks away kyle and alex are bonding over aliens. but kyle doesn't believe they are terrorist threats. maria and michael are bonding over being shitfaced come on michael OH MY GOD HE KISED HER SHE KISSED HIM BACK OH DOWN THEY GO DAMMIT THIS WAS NOT IN MY PLANS OT3 or bust do NOT mess around with my maria and michael if you're not going there

Faith healer again. This time Max is there with the grandma. The grandaughter is scamming but the grandma knows something. Faith healer wants to see max striptease lol. grandma tells her to get in the car. Grandma calls him a loud white cop lol He shows her his tattoo. Grandma knew someone like him. Sh enever spoke until the day she died. "He has arrived so I may leave." She thinks Max is who she said.

Oh Maria and Michael. "Here's the deal. Never happend. Tell no one." He told Max and Liz or maybe not.STOP FLIRITNG YOU"RE KILLING ME

"I could never hate you" max says to Liz. And she doesn't believe his version of her."youre always muttering in spanish like it's some secret language no one understands but you. hello. we're in new mexico. we all speak spanish."He sees her faults. And he loves her Easily KILL ME NOW STOP WITH THE SUNFLARES WOW SHE REALLY YANKS HIM BACK TO KISS HER HOLY SHIT THAT"S ROMANTIC REWIND HE SEES HER. oh he takes her hands and tells her she thinks that being more perfect than her sister she's easier to love but he sees her fautls and he loves her easily" Is it so crazy that I believe in you too?" I just know. Oh god THAT IS . A FUCKING GOOD KISS. She has her hands all over him

buddy--Sorry a coworker was talking to me

me--rewind AGAIN ou have to catch up

buddy--I will

me--he says, "come on I'll drive you home" and starts walking away and she's like THE FUCK YOU WILL YOU AMAZING MOTHERFUCKER YOU"RE GOING TO KISS ME I"VE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS FOR TEN YEARS. I could literally keep rewinding that all day but I realize I need to know what comes next commercial break ends. omg they're still kissing Now they're breathing. Why he asks. "I ran out of reasons not to. Was it whorth the wait?" He says it was worth the wait SOMEONE'S WATCHIN GWHO THE FUCK IS THAT? WHO THE FUCK IS-- WAIT THATS ISOBELS HUSAND HE sees the eggs He sees isobel in the egg.

kyle and liz. her cure works but the thinks isobel is the murderer. the husband tells the sheriff that isobel is in rehab. he's lying. Kyles father was killed by an alien too.

Alex and Michael oh no. after Maria. He's got maria's necklace in his boot now alex is jealous. YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. Alex says he needs a mechanic

Buddy--.The original Liz shiri appleby directed this episodeBtw

me--Wait no he's confronting Miechael. Alex tells him he loved him. LIke something cosmic and now he wants to start over. motherfucker

yeah i knew about shiri. she has apparently read some fanfiction so have the writers

Buddy--Yeah I’m 100 percent the show runner carina has lol percent sure*

me--alex wants to be friends with michael "Do you want to know who I am" or do you want to know what i am." Max is writing fiction and reading it to Isobel. In walks Liz. He kisses her again. Thanks her for solutions for Isobel. She thinks there's a fourth alien in roswell because she knows the murders were aliens but not isobel because isobel hasn't had a blackout since Rosa. I told you there was another murdering alien.

buddy--Ha!!

me--wow that was INTENSE. next week she tries her cure on isobel her husband knows she's an alien now though

buddy--Oh lord

me--I"m posting this whole thing online. Just so you know. you'll be kept anon.

buddy--That’s fine lol

#roswell nm #liveblog #it's almost 6 my kids really don't want me to make them clean their rooms dammit i might have to do it tomorrow #reprieve for them #they weren't going to remind me #spring break funtimes not as much fun when youre a mom

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mghtynana · 7 years

Text

Dirk Gently and the search for the holy sleep.

(So, yeah, the worst scenario possible has arrived and I’m writing again. This is my first brotzly-ish fic bc i’m a sucker for whump!dirk and soft bf!todd (bf as best friend or boyfriend, who knows). It takes places just right after 2x03. Be aware: english isn’t my first language, so… yeah, sorry about any possible mistakes, i’ve tried my best. (Pd: i have a very unhealthy relationship with brackets, sorry about that too)).

[You can also read it on AO3]

Ah, sleep, what a wayward thing. Wayward and fanciful, because Dirk is starting to think it doesn’t exist such a thing called “sleeping”, and it’s only a tale people tell other people, a mythical entity such as unicorns, witches and pretty pink-haired princes.

Or maybe sleep doesn’t like him anymore. Maybe it is avoiding him because, somehow, he’s ruined its life too.

Be as it is, Dirk can’t sleep. Again. He’s left wide awake in what it must already be the middle of the night, the pale and weak light from outside the police station being the only thing breaking the almost suffocating darkness that reigns the cell.

Opening his eyes (because doesn’t matter how hard he tries to trick the sleep by closing them hard), Dirk sighs and lays on his back. He stares at the rusty screws and springs of the top bunk, where Todd is sleeping (see, sleep is very clever, it likes Todd more, and well, here they have something in common: he also likes Todd (a lot)), and then he has a somewhat feel of deja vu, his new clothes being only thing different from his previous sleepless night.

Tonight is the second night since he’s escaped Blackwing and the second one he’s incapable of doing something as easy as sleep.

Truth to be told, the quality of his nappings at Blackwing HQ wasn’t ideal, all his nights plagued with false hopeful dreams and ugly nightmares inside the own nightmare his real life had become; or more accurately, re-become. But at least he could snooze for a bunch of hours, most of the days succumbing into the land of dreams due to pure tiredness (being wrong all the time on the awful experiments and test they put him through was exhausting).

It seems like that is not enough now, though. This night he’s exhausted too. All of him is exhausted, in more than one sense. His back hurts there where he went through that bloody doghouse, and every single one of his muscles seems to fight him, rancorous, uncooperative on the task of relaxing. His head hurt too, not so much for being used as a rag doll by a zombie caveman, but for his even more painful thoughts.

Dirk can feel them, almost as physical as a bruise, bouncing and hitting the walls of his skull, mixing and spinning without any pause, chaotically, creeping and scratching at every inch of his mind. Last night, they were infested by the words “medication” and “paralibulitis”, by the image of a spidery web, a web that represented the universe in its purest, cruelest state, the same web he’s always been trapped into (and where he’ll always be); but, now, the people he loves the most were tangled too, suffering and awaiting slowly, agonically, until it devours them all. And, on top of all that, there was a stain, a burning wave that tainted everything, that made him felt like drowning: guilt (because of course, of course, it was all his fault).

Those thoughts haven’t disappeared, following him like a shadow even at daylight, but tonight, on top on them, more thoughts share his mind, thoughts about the pink haired Prince and that awful prophecy. Yeah, sure, apparently a whole kingdom depended on him and his ability to find a mysterious boy. Great.

He turns around again on his bunk, frustrated, closing his eyes and opening them just a few seconds later. He stares at the grey wall and his frown deepens. At least Sheriff Hobbs was considered enough to let them sleep in the farthest cell from that bloody murderous woman and the proclaimed prince. If Dirk had to sleep (fake sleep? try to sleep) near them, he’d end having a nervous breakdown.

Little noise can be heard, some crickets on the outside and the deep breathings of his incarcerated companions. Dirk is the only awake one and, suddenly, that makes him feel so alone. He hugs the thin pillow and closes his eyes, hard, this time not in search of sleep, but in an attempt of containing the stinging tears that threaten to fall from them. He feels again like the little child, scared and lost, and for fuck sakes, he hated being that little child. He even sniffles quietly like one, a trembling shaking his whole body. He can’t cope anymore, everything should be alright, he almost had everything he wanted (a detective agency, a family) at the tips of his fingers and then the universe slapped him right on the face… he’s so tired of all this… ok, so he’s having a breakdown anyway, awesome.

Unexpectedly, in the middle of the sad mess he’s turned into, something touches his shoulder, and Dirk flinches and bolts into a sitting position so fast he almost knocks his head with the top bunk.

“Hey, hey, it’s me”, a soft whisper comes from a cut-out silhouette crouched over his bed. Dirk tries to convince himself that the reason why he takes almost ten seconds to recognize Todd relies on the darkened room and not because of the tears that cover his eyes.

“Todd!”, Dirk exclaims, and then modulates his voice volume, lowing it, his arms crushing the poor pillow in a terrified grip, “Todd, what… mmm, what are you…? You shouldn’t be awake, tomorrow we have a lot of things to do and you’ll need to rest because…”

“Yes, I…” Todd stops him, then keeps silence for a moment, his hand (the one which almost gives Dirk a heart attack) half way extended in an awkward position, “I was asleep, but I’ve heard you, you know…” he makes a vague movement, “ and you were trembling so hard the bunk was shaking a little… so…”

“So I have woken you up” finishes Dirk, and yep, that’s it, the last string. Hello, tears, now you are free! He curls into himself, his knees against his chest and his face against the pillow, because now he’s not just sniffling but sobbing for real and he doesn’t want Todd to see how much a crybaby he is. “I’m sorry. Oh, god, I’m so so sorry.”

He keeps muttering shaky, dull sorrys, until he doesn’t know for sure what he’s apologizing for anymore. At one point, Todd sits by his side, the mattress creaking and sinking. The hand returns to his shoulder, careful, like it’s approaching a frightened wild animal, and it’s warm, and steady, and Todd’s and then it rubs small, soothing circles in his back, with such care Dirk feels like crying even harder.

“Hey, it’s okay”, Todd keeps his voice low, but his tone is firm, and Dirk knows Todd knows he’s not apologizing for waking him. “It’s okay, Dirk".

“No, it’s not.” he manages to say, his quivering words muffled by the pillow. “Everything is not okay. D-definitely not okay. And it is going to get worse, not better, and I don’t know how… all of this…” It is too much.

“Okay, lay down.”

The hand disappears from his back abruptly, the lost making him whimper, and he feels Todd moving until he’s the one laying down. Dirk is so surprised and confused that he lows the pillow, resurfacing just a bit, his redded, wet eyes darkening beneath a crumpled frown.

"W-what?"

Todd taps the white-ish sheets next to him, a little space between his body and the wall.

“Lay down. Here. C’mon, I don’t bite.”

Dirk hesitates, his cheeks colouring a bit at the idea of laying beside Todd on the same bed. Todd sighs and rises a little on his elbows. Dirk couldn’t be sure, but he swears Todd seems a little nervous.

"When Amanda was little and get scared by nightmares, she came to my room. She’d scooped into my bed and we laid next to each other and I helped her calm down.”

Todd face goes all soft while speaking and Dirk can’t help but be amazed by him: the way he loves Amanda, so deep, so loyal and strongly, was always something he admired a lot. And, well, yeah, ok, he also wished someone loved him that fiercely. However, he’s not sure anymore it’s wise for someone to love him, seeing what the universe makes to them…

"I-I’m not little. And I’m not scared.” says Dirk, though, in a very childish voice.

And then Todd smiles again, the Dirk’s smile, that one between amusement and annoyance, all soft at the corners, the one that makes the detective melt and his stomach ache with butterflies.

“Of course you’re not. Now, lay down”.

Dirk hesitates but finally complied, adjusting his long frame at the narrow space. He holds his breath when Todd turns to look at him (they are so close, so close!), his hands carefully extracting the poor strangled pillow from his arms just before returning to his shoulder. “Now focus on my breathing. C’mon, in and… out.” Dirk tries, his eyes wandering nervously, and his hand still shaking.

“I-I can’t.”

“Shh, try”, and that it is, that word, “try”, the same word used by Friedkin at Blackwing, but this time it sounds different: not harsh, not demanding, but reassuring. So he tries, closing his eyes at the same time Todd starts humming a tune Dirk doesn’t recognize, but that he feels thrumming through his bones, lulling him. And then, slowly, his still shaky breaths become calmer, his eyes still sore but no longer tearful. Seconds turn into minutes, and bit by bit Dirk quietens down, the agonizing oppression on his chest, the fear and the hopeless feeling dissolving a little.

“See, better?” Dirk nods a little, opening his eyes just to be meet by Todd smile and by his blue eyes shining proudly (of himself but also of him) in the dark, and, lord, Dirk is so, so in love. “If it helped Amanda overcome her fear with the fairy tooth, it can help anyone.” he jokes, but then frowns a little, the corner of his mouth lowering when he realizes he’s just revealed one of those embarrassing secrets only siblings know, “Although… please, don’t tell her I told you about that fear or she’ll kick my ass.”

Dirk promise, a grin in his voice.

They lay like this, in silence, for quite long time: Dirk breathing slowly, his hands wrapped beneath his chin and his eyelids open enough to carefully mapping Todd face between the eyelashes; Todd’s hand still touching him, although it has fall a little from the shoulder and now his thumb is petting unwittingly Dirk’s neck (and that definitely isn’t making Dirk insides go all warm and flutter-y); the humming lower than before, now that he seems to be dozing off.

“I…” Dirk whispers with a such a small voice it’s almost inaudible, not sure if Todd is already asleep. But now he feels safe, safer than he remembers, and vulnerable but in the right way, and he really needs to say it out loud. “I don’t know if I can do it. You know…the prophecy, the case, find the boy. Find… find Amanda”.

Todd’s eyes don’t open, but he moves closer, his arm now circling Dirk in a loose, protective hug.

“We’ll figure it. Together.” his voice is almost a mumble, but it sounds so sincere and determined that Dirk’s fears and intrusive thoughts about guilt, and failure, and loneliness and prophecies and the universe’s web recoil, at least for tonight. “Now, sleep.”

Dirk smiles and, finally, sleeps.

#dghda2 #dghda #dghda fic #dirk gently #todd brotzman #brotzly #ok so here it is #ive spent like 4 hours writing this and im not even kidding #todd is the sweetest bf #fuck you universe #my ficlet #my tag

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