#my photography feels less personal

[suzuberto-alt]

Henlo

Proof of life with a backlog of Vani from 2022 feat old nickname bc why not bdjd

These days (outside of hyperfixating on different media) I have been just doodling and because of them being just sketches, I may or may not show later, so for now I thought in sharing some other stuff

[sirfrogsworth]

Clinging to sanity

Summary of this post...

My brain is broken. My A/C is broken. My phone is broken. My computer is broken. My support system is broken. My financial stability is broken. My family is broken.

And the big finale...

Please give Froggie a Yelp review to repair his relationship with his estranged uncles.

Seriously, I need a whole bunch of you to say nice things about me in a convoluted plan to get back the money my brother stole from my dying father.

If you don't feel like reading all of my broken stuff and just want to read about giving me a good review as a person, you can skip to the bullet point list at the end.

Alright, here we go...

I sometimes get in these states where I feel like my sanity is compromised. My mental defenses are minimal and I lose the filter on my brain that tells me "this is a good idea" or "this is a bad idea."

This causes me to say embarrassing things. I overshare with strangers. I keep myself from falling asleep because I have some amazing idea. But when I wake up in the morning I can't believe I lost all of that sleep for such a ridiculous idea. I write weird posts that no one likes. Or I post about controversial subjects like A.I. and trans people and RFK Jr. that I *know* will result in contentious feedback.

And my insane brain says, "You can handle it! Besides, you are so factually correct about this, no one will dare question your meticulous research. IT'S ALL GOOD! SEND IT, YOLO!"

I have a rule. If I am not emotionally or mentally prepared to defend my point of view on a controversial subject, I should wait until I am ready to publish.

Insane Froggie Brain ignores this rule.

After I "send it" and the negative feedback starts to flow in (even though I was assured by my brain it wouldn't), I become afraid to look at messages and replies and reblogs. And a lot of times I need that sense of community. I need to talk to my cool little community so I don't feel lonely. But Insane Froggie Brain cuts me off from that. I give myself all of this anxiety that could have been avoided by just posting another time.

And because I have no emotional defenses, that anxiety is amplified. Mean comments hurt much more. I obsess over them and my OCD causes thought feedback loops where I cannot get something out of my brain. I once couldn't sleep for a weekend because someone said I was wrong about how light reflects off the moon. They were right and I was also right but they said I was "misleading." And that just lived in my brain for days. I kept trying to think of new ways to better explain my point of view. I used up energy I didn't really have to take pictures of a baseball in a dark closet.

It was silly. It didn't matter. It was just a small disagreement. But OCD doesn't do small. OCD makes everything BIG.

What I'm trying to say is...

People need their emotional defenses.

People need their filters.

It's weird because I still have full access to my logical brain. So sane thoughts get all mixed in with the less sane ones. Sometimes I am self aware and can shut down the less sane ideas. Other times I am oblivious. And I *hate* losing control of my brain in any way. It's one of the reasons I've never touched alcohol. Which is why I get very disturbed when this happens.

I remember one time I was positive I was going to move to Florida and start a pet photography business. I had an entire business plan worked out where I trained people how to take the photos so the business could run itself if I got sick. I made an entire PowerPoint presentation to show Katrina so she would be my business partner. I was looking up rent prices for office space. I was making equipment lists for camera gear. She was going on a trip so she told me I could talk to her about it when she returned. And I am so lucky she wasn't available at the time.

Maybe if I had a normal person's energy, I could make something like that work. But once I returned to sanity, I realized it was orders of magnitude more complicated than anything I was actually capable of doing. I am still planning to do pet photography, but I have to come up with a more reasonable plan that does not involve Insane Froggie Brain.

I think it is just my ambitious mind trying to escape. Chronic illness is often heartbreaking because you have to temper all of your ambitions. And it is especially devastating when you are a very ambitious person, as I am.

I want to have all of these big ideas. But I have to filter them through reality. And when that filter is broken, I just unleash big ideas on all my friends. I once even held an official video chat meeting and we took notes and made plans. And I feel so guilty I wasted 4 people's time like that. None of those ideas happened. They had no chance of happening with my energy levels. But my friends and collaborators still did the meeting and nodded along like everything was fine. I appreciate them humoring me.

I also overshare. I overshare normally, but when I get like this I OVER SHARE. You are probably going to witness it in this very post. But I tell everyone everything about what is going on. I tell strangers. I tell a dog walking by.

"Hey doggie, my testosterone is returning and I'm struggling with having a libido again. I know most people would not complain, but it is very disruptive to my day! I have other things I want to do!"

Right now I am just not confident in anything I think or do. I wrote a post about social constructs yesterday. That literally took me all day to write. I was endlessly tweaking it and I thought it was going to be viral and helpful and win the trans debate for everyone.

It currently has 49 notes.

I'm afraid I did not fix trans rights.

Sorry about that.

And my rant about Christopher Nolan using IMAX is doing pretty well. I nerded out about film grain for like 2 paragraphs and it is getting way more notes than a philosophical perspective on constructs.

I just have no idea what people are going to like and I used to be pretty good at judging that. It's like I'm throwing spaghetti at the wall to see what sticks but instead of a wall I'm throwing it into the void. The spaghetti just disappears into infinite darkness.

I'm clearly still recovering from the big house clean with Katrina. And I am more tired than normal. But I am also very stressed about losing the house. I'm trying to figure it out, but I may only have until the end of June before I have to make some scary decisions.

And also, my air conditioner is not working. It has a leaky evaporator. Last year, I had it recharged and that lasted the entire summer. If the leak is leaking at the same rate, I could just do that again. It would be expensive, but replacing the evaporator is so costly, I'd be better off getting a heat pump installed. I'm a good candidate, it could save me money in the long run, but I am nowhere near in a position to make that happen.

Also, my phone is falling apart.

Literally. The only thing keeping it together is the phone case.

And this laptop, which I love, was not meant to be my main computer. I bought it when my dad was sick and I needed something upstairs to manage his prescriptions and bills and appointments. It wasn't meant to be an image editing machine. And, to their credit, Apple has made a crazy powerful little computer. I admit it, I love an Apple product. It can handle way more than expected. But my photo restorations can sometimes end up with 5 gigabyte files. I can't even save them as PSDs. I have to use this weird "PSB" format. It stands for "Photoshop Big." When I fill up the RAM, my computer uses the main SSD. And when I fill that up, I think I can hear the laptop crying and saying, "I wasn't meant for this! Please use fewer layers!"

But I need to finish restoring these photos because I have delayed their completion by about 5 months (got sick before I could finish). And also because I need to pay for the A/C recharge.

You might be thinking, "Didn't you fundraise to get the big fancy powerful computer of your dreams a few years ago? Why don't you use that?"

My big fancy computer has been broken almost since I got it.

It was right before my mom got really sick and there is a major hardware problem. I worked with tech support for over a month and we could not figure out what the issue was. The computer is mostly unusable. Like, "can't even web browse" unusable.

It honestly has caused me so much depression. Like deep, deep, crying-myself-to-sleep-for-weeks depression. I still cry about it. I know it is just a thing, but I am genuinely heartbroken about it.

Why haven't I fixed it? I'm a good computer fixer, right?

Once I had to take care of my parents, I just did not have any extra energy to deal with it. After a month of back-and-forth emails from the manufacturer, I finally told them, "I'm sorry, my parents are sick. I will email you when I have the energy to revisit this."

If you know my story and how I took care of my parents all alone because I have a neglectful brother, then you can probably guess that energy never came.

I am good at tech support. I have been an expert in computers since I was a teenager. I have taken apart and built computers more times than I can count. I have never had a problem this frustrating before. It works fine for a few hours, and then it just progressively slows down to being unusable. I narrowed the issue to either the SSD, the CPU, or the motherboard. All things that are not easy to replace. (The SSD is behind the damn GPU.)

In the 30s, the Royal Air Force used to have issues with their planes that baffled them. This is where the term "gremlin" came from. No matter what they did, no matter how many parts they replaced, they could not get the "gremlin" out of the plane. These were professional mechanics who just could not fix something and it drove them nuts.

I have a computer gremlin. I've never experienced anything like it in all of my years of fixing computers. I was working with professional tech support people. I was on reddit forums. And the only thing left to do was start swapping out parts. I'd work on it maybe an hour each day with whatever energy I had and it eventually was too much. I just could not deal with it. They told me to send it back, but I could not take care of my parents without any access to a computer. So I just rebooted it every time I used it.

At that point, my parents were requiring 24/7 care and I was so overwhelmed that I said, "fuck it" and ordered this laptop. I figured I'd fix the computer when I had time or energy. But that time and energy never came. And I certainly didn't have the energy to haul a 60 pound computer upstairs, box it up, and then take it to UPS. So I just kept putting it off and putting it off.

And I let the warranty expire.

When I realized I did that, I cried myself to sleep for another few weeks. This material object has caused me legitimate emotional trauma.

Any part replacements are now on me. And there isn't really any way of knowing which part is faulty. I figured I'd buy a cheap SSD and start there.

I feel so fucking guilty because people donated money for me to have that machine. I feel like I let them all down by not getting it fixed. When I finish my recovery, I'm hoping I can sort it out. But that could be many months from now.

Recovery has been such a dark, lonely place. Trying to restore my health a millimeter at a time is a grueling marathon of misery. I have been struggling to keep Insane Froggie Brain at bay this entire time.

I felt like I was stuck in a hole.

And like a superhero with the power of friendship and puns, Katrina pulled me out of the giant hole I was in. My house turned into a biohazard. She flew from Florida to essentially clean and organize everything. How do you even begin to thank someone for that?

But also, she shouldn't have had to do that. I have a perfectly functional brother. But he hasn't spoken to me for nearly a year now.

I have other family in town. But I missed so many family gatherings over the years, they don't really know me. None of them have called. I'd have to rebuild those relationships if I want them to be a part of my life again.

And I haven't talked about this yet because it has been too painful.

But... my support system fell apart.

My aunt had to move away to take care of her father-in-law. A year before my mom passed she took care of my grandma as her end-of-life caregiver. And people should only have to do that once. But she has to do it again, and unfortunately, we haven't been able to speak much.

We were very good at keeping in touch in real life. But she is of an older generation and has trouble maintaining relationships on a smartphone. I mean, I get it. Some people are just better at meatspace than cyberspace. That was actually one of the things I liked about our bond. Almost all of my friendships are online. Having someone who liked to visit me and talk to me in person was special.

But, for the time being, I lost that. And it feels a bit like temporarily losing another parent.

I am struggling to even start writing the words for this next part.

I had two best friends. Katrina and I are great. Our friendship is probably better than it has ever been.

But my other best friend of nearly 15 years ghosted me without explanation.

I haven't talked about it because it has been too hard. Any time I try to think about it I get upset. My eyes are filling up with tears as I type this.

I have been pretending like it isn't happening.

Which is not working great.

I've been trying to hire a therapist.

They all have months-long waiting lists.

My friend just stopped talking to me and I don't know why.

They went from driving across the country and holding my hand at my dad's funeral to just not being a part of my life.

I'm so scared I said something terrible or did something terrible. I keep going through all of my memories trying to figure out what I could have done. But we had the kind of friendship where we'd talk about that stuff. If I screw up, they would tell me. We'd work it out.

This person who was in my life nearly every week for over a decade is just not there anymore. I keep losing people and I can't make it stop. And I am really worried that I am leaning on Katrina too much. She went from being part of a multifaceted support system to my entire support system. That isn't fair to her.

She has been very understanding. And she knows I am going to rebuild a support system as soon as I am able. But I don't want to overwhelm her and lose her too.

Weaning off this medication and living with no testosterone has been so miserable and she has been the only one helping me through it.

I'm doing so well with my recovery. I think I can be off the meds in 3 months and hopefully my testosterone will be fully back in range. I'm already more productive than I have been in nearly 8 months.

But I have 1 month of financial runway left and I am not going to get well enough before then.

Everything happens all at once. Every single time. And usually terrible things happen in my life at the same time terrible things happen in Katrina's life. She had terrible mold that destroyed her health for months. Thankfully it did not turn her transphobic, but it sure fucked her health for a while. She made all of this progress getting fit and healthy and BAM, the universe says, "You are doing too well, you need a challenge!"

So, what is my plan?

I am a problem solver and I have some doozies to solve.

Right now I am going to appeal to the family patriarchs on my dad's side. On his literal deathbed, my dad asked his brothers to "take care of me" and I am going to attempt to call in that favor.

I am going to ask them to talk to my brother and hopefully mediate a solution regarding the stolen inheritance. I want them to convince my brother to do the right thing and return the money he took from my dad.

Sorry, the money he "legally inherited" due to his wife "reinterpreting my dad's wishes" in the will.

Before you ask, I have no options to fight this in court. A verbal promise is not enough to overturn a written will. And the cost of fighting would be more than the inheritance. Please don't suggest any legal advice. I've talked to good lawyers. And unless I want to sue for emotional distress, there aren't any legal options available.

The best option is to appeal to my brother personally and ask him to keep his promise to my dad.

The only reason I am in this mess is because my brother repeatedly promised to give me the money. He said he didn't want it on multiple occasions. So all of my plans involved the expectation of this money. I was going to fix up the basement apartment and seek a roommate.

But it took over a year to just get it out of probate. A year I could have used to come up with other solutions. But he waited until the last minute and made his lawyer tell me he was screwing me.

I'm sure my brother will argue my dad knew what he was signing. But I know that is impossible. Before my dad passed, we were in the hospital and I saw the will for the first time. I asked him if it reflected his wishes. And I asked him if he meant to include my brother's wife in the will.

His response was, "Are you fucking kidding me???"

Readers, does that sound like a man that knew what was in his will?

Dad was so upset that he was about to have them cut off his leg just so he could live a few more weeks and fix the will.

You have to give my dad credit, he goes pretty hardcore when it comes to protecting his family.

I couldn't let him go through an amputation to protect me from my brother's shenanigans.

But I am pretty screwed now.

That said, my uncles are pretty hardcore too. One is *very* intimidating. So I feel like my uncles talking to my brother might carry some weight.

But I have one problem...

I mean, aside from the myriad problems already described.

How about... I have one additional problem...

My uncles don't like me very much.

They think I am a basement-dwelling loser who is faking his illness and was taking advantage of his parents for two decades.

One uncle even accused me of stealing from my dad.

They are protective of their brother. They loved my dad. Which is a good thing! As long as I can convince them that their assumptions about me are invalid, I think their love for my dad will compel them to help me.

They just don't have the context. They don't know me. They live in far-off lands. And due to some unfortunate timing, one uncle saw me at one of the lowest points of my life. This was maybe 8 years ago? He didn't realize I was thrown into the deep end and very recently took on the role as full-time caregiver for two very sick people.

My awful strategy at the time was "if I don't take care of myself, I'll have more energy to take care of my parents." If you are a caregiver, this is a bad strategy. It seems obvious you have to do some self care to give care to others, but when you are just starting out, that seems impossible.

My uncle showed up unannounced and I wasn't showered, I hadn't brushed my teeth in a week, and my room had a fun layer of trash on the floor. The trash can was overflowing and I literally did not have the spare energy to change the bag.

To make matters worse, my mom's medications and constant pain had broken the filter in her brain that prevents her from saying mean things. She was on this crazy chemo-like infusion that was basically using poison to fight her psoriatic arthritis. Her aggressive, blunt remarks were not her fault. That wasn't who she was. But she could not stop herself from saying hurtful things.

The kindest woman alive was suddenly Don Rickles without the "just kidding" subtext. And my uncle didn't know this and I got into an argument with my mom.

I probably looked like a pampered brat loser who just lies in bed and plays video games all day while arguing with his saint of a mother.

I don't blame him. Without context, that's exactly what it looked like.

So I am writing my uncles a letter.

It is essentially a memoir of the caregiving I gave to my parents. I hope to publish it publicly at some point, but right now it is just a letter to them. If it were a typical hardcover book, it would be about 70 pages long.

I am telling them everything.

If nothing else, I just need them to know my dad's story. I need them to know he was well taken care of. That I did everything humanly possible to make his last year as comfortable as I could. I need them to know he was *never* alone.

Sadly, because they probably think I am an unreliable narrator, I am my own worst witness. So I am asking 3 people in my current support system to write testimony to verify everything in my memoir is accurate. I even have a doctor's note!

It is probably insane to put this much effort into convincing my uncles to like me. But I'm pretty sure Sane Froggie Brain is behind the wheel of this endeavor. Sometimes the craziest, most desperate idea is the only option left.

Basically I am using my writing skills to try and save my Froggie butt.

I don't mean to be braggadocious, but people perusing my prose persistently pontificate that I am proficient at penning pleasing passages.

People say I write good sometimes.

And I think this memoir letter thingie is the best thing I've ever written. So I am hopeful I will deflate these dubious assumptions and tug on my uncles' heartstrings.

But there is something you all can do to help me.

A friend on tumblr is helping me edit this memoir monstrosity. And she gave me her testimonial to add to my 3 witnesses.

"I have been following The Frogman for well over a decade on his website. It was years before I learned his name was Benjamin! We all just call him Froggy. He was (and still is) one of the funniest internet guys out there. He is incredibly skilled at putting together humorous GIFs and photo sets, and his comedic writing is second to none. He regularly goes viral. Along with that, he was open and vulnerable about the toll CFS takes on him. I can attest to many folks over the years telling him that he has helped them as they dealt with their own health issues. He is so knowledgeable about so much--his posts are famous for being long, detailed, and wildly informative. And most of all, entertaining. They are a joy to read. We also followed along on his heartbreaking journey with his parents. He shared so much of them with us over the years that they felt like people we knew. It was so clear, from his long absences, how much he was doing for them. Our hearts broke when he told us his parents were no longer with us. Froggy has fans, and so did his parents. Otis, too. We love and support him and will always wish him the best."

It made me cry.

But it also felt like getting a Yelp review on... my entire deal.

And it gave me an idea.

What if I had a bunch of these as optional testimony for my uncles?

I'm not going to force them to read what a bunch of internet strangers have to say. But it could be a compelling way to prove my website antics were a serious attempt to build a livelihood for myself. My uncles were successful businessmen and respect a strong work ethic and trying to make your own way.

I was too early for monetization options like Patreon, TikTok, YouTube, and Twitch, but I ran a very successful comedy blog. If I had my 2013 success in the 2020s, I probably would've been able to retire and live off that for the rest of my life. I have several original GIFs that were downloaded tens of millions of times. Google said one of them was searched for over 100,000,000 times.

My blog was silly, but I took it seriously and I had sponsors and merch and an Otis plush.

They think what I did was like when you are at the family Christmas gathering and you ask your weird cousin what he's been up to and he says, "I run a blog about corgis from my parents' basement."

How do I relate the impact I had? They don't know what "Know Your Meme" is. They don't know what being on the front page of Reddit means. They don't know the amazing community I built. They don't know that I created one of the largest and most generous online support systems one could possibly have. I'm still alive and trying to make a life for myself because all of you continue to love and support me.

I was successful and I worked hard despite my disability.

I just had bad timing with the financial aspect of that success.

So, if you want to leave a Yelp review of The Frogman for my uncles, I'd appreciate it.

I came up with a list of things I need to prove to them. I'm just going to copy/paste the entire thing here. I'll strikethrough the ones you all probably can't speak to.

I am not a basement dwelling loser.

My website was more than a silly hobby.

I did not mooch off my parents for 20+ years.

I did not steal from my parents.

I am not the crazed, awkward mess [my uncle] witnessed.

I am disabled.

I cannot get a job.

I am a good person.

I am a likable person.

I was a good son.

I took good care of my parents.

My parents would not have been better off in a nursing home.

My parents would not have been better off moving closer to my brother.

My brother and his wife neglected and emotionally abused Mom & Dad.

My brother and his wife changed the will to benefit them against my mom & dad’s wishes.

My brother promised repeatedly the will was a mistake and I would receive the full amount.

I did not take care of my parents to “retain the house” or get money.

So, if you want to attempt to convince two elderly conservative Catholic men that my cat memes were lit, I would appreciate the help.

If you’ve been part of this community, and you’ve ever felt like I made you laugh, cry, or feel understood, a short 'review' of me as a person could mean the world.

Just remember your audience is...

Uncle #1: A stoic, but brilliant 80 year old who writes text messages like they are business emails. Complete with "Dear Ben" and "Regards, Your Uncle". He is still very sharp-minded and lucid. He thinks success is a high paying job, a house, and a family (my brother). He does not like weakness and consistently thought I should "be an adult and get a job." He is very loyal and respected my dad very much.

Uncle #2: A 60-something retired grandpa who thinks his constant dad jokes are genuinely funny. He is empathetic, but secretly judgmental. He will act like your best friend even if he doesn't care for you. He is an amazing grandpa. Very involved with his kids and their kids. He keeps every video of them getting a goal in sportsball on his phone. He will help you if you think you deserve to be helped. He is very close with Uncle #1.

So... kinda running the gamut there.

You can reblog this post or leave a reply or send a private message or email me at frogman54@gmail.com

I will be anonymizing your names for obvious reasons.

I fear my uncles might not understand why Tumblr user "PokemonAssBlaster69" is saying nice things about me.

Explaining "The Frogman" is hard enough.

Anyway, thank you in advance.

[jeondesu]

ೀ⋆ 🍂 SKZ + WAYS THEY SHOW “ I LOVE YOU ” !

── ✧ ˚. ꒰ pairing ꒱ ˒˓ ot8 x gn!reader ˒˓ established relationship genre: fluff warnings: not many… just some mentions of food & kissing <3

this is an old repost from my deleted blog !

방찬/BANG CHAN.

chan is the most perfect boyfriend you could ask for. he’s the type to never let you lift a finger when he’s around you. whether it be fixing a broken pipe in the house or carrying all of the groceries; it wasn’t a problem for him at all. he may get consumed in his work sometimes but that didn’t mean he spends less quality time with you. he’d call you throughout the day to check up on you and tell you how much he misses you. he’d share what he was working on and update you on small things. always smothering you once he comes home— no seriously, he does not let you breathe. he’d pepper kisses all over your face whilst having you wrapped tightly in his arms. the warmth of his loving embrace made you feel the safest and utmost protected.

리노/LEE KNOW.

lovesss taking you out on fun interactive dates. movies, bowling, mini golf, fruit-picking, and candlelit dinners were a just a few to name. minho enjoyed going to small family owned restaurants, he loved desserts and would order a milkshake with two straws on each side. you’d be playing footsie under the table like little kids, teasing you while staring into each others eyes trying not to burst out laughing. he loves you just as much as he loves his cats and that’s saying a whole lot. he has a picture of you playing with soonie and dori as his lock screen, it was probably the cutest pic he’s ever taken of you. he calls you and his cats a little family >\\< he loves the way they all get along with you and it affirms even more that you really are the one for him.

창빈/CHANGBIN.

constantly showers you with dozens upon dozens of compliments. could write a full-fledged novel on simply everything he adores about you. he’ll write sweet notes from time to time and leave them in random areas for you to find. your relationship with him always kept you guessing, he was so full of pleasant surprises. he noticed the littlest details about you and could practically read you like a book. he knew immediately when you were in a slump, it became his personal mission to cheer you up. is super touchy feely with you but does it with the most pure intentions. pressing feathery kisses along your hands and the insides of your palms, then trails further up your arm. he loved seeing how flustered you’d get by it, only wanting to keep doing it more.

현진/HYUNJIN.

treats you as his artistic muse. his deep infatuation with you fed his inspiration with new ideas constantly. his paintings were a reflection of his mind, his most inner thoughts and emotions. almost every painting he’s done was inspired by you in some way, shape, or form. art and photography are one his favorite hobbies so naturally he’s going to always wanna snap pictures of you. whenever you two go on dates he takes pics of you without you knowing, smiling to himself and thinking how lucky he is to have you. he tells you often how much you mean to him, he was a very vocal partner. you didn’t need to ask for reassurance because hyunjin would just give it to you anyway. it was like he could read your mind, he understood you on a intuitive and spiritual level.

한/HAN.

he is completely and authentically himself when he’s with you. your relationship is the most easy going thing in his life, he couldn’t imagine life without you. he loves that your humor is the same and you’re both always goofing off. he feels most accomplished if he can make you laugh until your stomachs start hurting. almost everything was a joke to him but the love he had for you was definitely not. he share’s everything with you, his clothes, favorite snacks, deepest secrets, nothing off limits for him. never stops talking about you with the other members, every little thing reminds of him you so he has to announce it. he could be doing something serious and then one of your inside jokes would randomly pop in his head, smiling like an idiot to himself. he was so proud to have you as his lover and best friend.

필릭스/FELIX.

the most sweet, nurturing, individual in the universe. put a million heart emojis next to your contact name and never fails each time to get a stomach full of butterflies every time he’s with you. hears a song that reminds him of you and instantly sends it; will make monthly playlists for you too. he gets lost in your eyes all the time, can’t help but feel his heart beat out his chest by your ethereal beauty. you could be having an in-depth conversation with him and he’d zone out from just looking at you. he can’t stand being away from you when he’s gone and gets real sad and lonely if he can’t hold you >.< will send you LENGTHY messages of what he loves most about you and how much he wants to be with you. if he can’t physically be there, he’ll do all he can to still feel like he’s right beside you.

승민/SEUNGMIN.

thoughtful gestures were his love language. he would notice your shoe is untied as you’re both walking and stop everything he’s doing to fix it for you. will do anything you ask him to at the drop of a hat. does chores and tasks around the house when you aren’t feeling up to it, he never complains about it either which you love. lots and lots of hugs and kisses !! he especially loves hugging you from behind and resting his head within the crevice of your shoulder. he’d kiss your knuckle before dancing with you in the kitchen and acting like an old married couple. the two of you would be slow dancing and lock eyes, your lips would collide as you both sway to the melody of the song. it was soft moments like these that proved seungmin owned all of your love.

아이엔/JEONGIN.

very much into showing PDA and lots of it. doesn’t really care about what the other members think when he touches or kisses you in front of them. likes to give you unexpected forehead and neck kisses, intertwining his fingers with yours while doing so. he bought you a necklace with his initial on it as a gift and you never took it off since the day he gave it to you. whenever he’s gone for long periods of times that necklace would get you through it all. he’d also buy matching couples pajamas and plan a night in where you do face masks and watch movies (^o^). late night cuddling was his forte; you’d be all tangled up in bed together and he’d leave short series of pecks to your cheek until you lull asleep in his arms.

[tarotbyjam24]

Pick a pile :What if you were a subject ?

Masterlist\pick a piles feedbacks

This reading is about what you teach to others !

pile 1 pile 2 pile 3

Hi there! If you find my readings helpful, a tip on Kofi is always appreciated, or you can book a personalized reading for a one-on-one experience and don't miss out on free readings offers.

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Take a look at the piles and see which one speaks to you 🫶🏻 – I'd love to know which you chose! These are general readings, so take what feels right for you.

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Pile एक :

Art , astronomy, science, biology, geography, history,language, english

You will teach people how to be calm while having the power. You teach how to be your own light. You teach them how to move alone while being statistic . You teach people how to work smart and not harder. You teach them how to get more from doing less. You teach how to get in action quickly on problems to solve them. You teach them how to trust other person. You teach how to take care of your emtional wellbeing. You teach them how to secure that bag so that you can help others but 1st secure your bag \fill your own cup so that you can share it . You may read pile 3 if it calls you out !

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Pile दो :

English, geography, drama , chemistry, humanities and social science, spanish, photography, physical education, music, arts

You teach people how to walk alone through rough roads . Gracie's that's so true came in my mind. You teach them how to find solace with yourself and how to confide within. You teach them to be a good listener and how to speak honestly without sugar coating. You teach them how to do partnerships. You teach them how to take lead if you get chance for that. You teach them how to make best use of your position at work for other's favour . You teach them how to be useful to each other. Literally a girl\boy next door vibes. You teach how to have fun alone and with the things around you . You show them how bright they are like a sunshine. You teach how to receive.

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Pile तीन :

history, geography, physics , tech , literature, finance, cinema, science, theatre, buisness, japanese , english

You teach how to have fun with strangers lol . You teach them how to share your culture with others. You teach them how to be unique and be proud of it . You teach them how your existence makes so much sense and why you were born here on earth. You teach them how to make your presence felt between other people. You teach them how to be creative. You teach them how to mentor others. You teach how to shine brightly among others. You teach them how to be confident in their own vessel. You teach them how to multitask. You teach them how to ignore and not listen to unimportant bunch of quack - quacks . You teach how to have soft malleable boundaries. You teach how to be adaptable and survive any and everywhere. You teach how how to shut up people who are barking so much with your actions cuz words aren't enough. Pile 3 is my fav lol . SASSY PEOPLE . You may want to read pile 1 too .

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Thank you for allowing me to share my insights with you. Wishing you a day/night filled with good vibes!

Love, Jam

[mrs-delaney]

Then Ask Me Sometime

📩 request: joe and reader are exes who keep hooking up. one night he’s like “i miss knowing how you’re doing” and she’s like “then ask me sometime.” heartbreak! tension! yearning! 🔥💔

🏈 Joe Burrow x Reader | 2.5k words

🥲 this one got me good, not gonna lie. joe really said “i miss knowing how you're doing” and i haven’t known peace since. hope it hits you in the chest too 💌

🪷 read my masterlist here — full of feelings & joe burrow brainrot 💌

🎤 read hide here — music, mistakes, and a quarterback who falls hard 💌

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Joe sat on the edge of his bed, phone in his hand, staring at the message he'd sent twenty minutes ago.

You up?

Three dots had appeared almost immediately, then disappeared. Then appeared again. He'd watched that dance play out for five minutes before her response finally came through.

On my way.

No questions. No small talk. Just acknowledgment of what they both knew this was.

He set the phone on the nightstand and ran his hands through his hair, the familiar weight of anticipation and guilt settling in his chest. It had been a long day—meetings with coaches, film review, the kind of grueling preparation that usually left him satisfied. But tonight, sitting alone in the house as evening turned to dark, the accomplishment had felt hollow. The silence had gotten to him first, then the empty kitchen where he'd eaten takeout standing at the counter instead of sitting at the table they'd picked out together.

That's when he'd reached for his phone.

This had become their routine over the past four months—late-night texts that led to her showing up at the house they used to share, the house that was supposed to be theirs but now felt too big and too quiet with just him in it. It started three weeks after the breakup, when she'd texted him about picking up some clothes she'd forgotten. One thing led to another, and suddenly they had this arrangement that neither of them had ever explicitly discussed the rules for.

The living room still had her touch everywhere. The throw pillows she'd insisted on were arranged just so on the couch. The coffee table books about art and photography that she'd collected were still fanned out the way she liked them. He'd told himself he kept them because moving them felt like too much effort, but the truth was simpler and more pathetic: they made the house feel less empty.

The kitchen was worse. She'd organized every cabinet, labeled the spice rack, and insisted on keeping fresh flowers on the counter even though he'd argued it was a waste of money. The flowers were long gone now, but her coffee mug still sat in the cabinet, untouched because he couldn't bring himself to use it. Sometimes he'd catch himself reaching for two plates instead of one before remembering.

They'd bought this place together eight months before everything fell apart. Spent weekends walking through furniture stores, arguing about thread counts and whether they needed a dining room table that seated eight people. She'd won most of those arguments, and now Joe was grateful for it. At least the house had personality, even if it wasn't entirely his.

The worst part was how right she'd been about everything. The couch was comfortable for watching film. The kitchen layout made sense when he was cooking for the team gatherings she'd insisted they host. Even the paint colors she'd chosen—warm grays and soft blues that he'd thought were too feminine—somehow made the house feel like a home instead of just a place to sleep.

Joe stood and walked to the window, looking out at the circular driveway where her car would appear soon. The security lights cast long shadows across the property, and he found himself wondering what she told herself on the drive over. Did she hesitate before texting back? Would she sit in her car for a few minutes before walking to the door, the way she used to near the end, when coming home felt more like walking into a minefield than a sanctuary?

He remembered the last few weeks before the breakup, how every conversation felt like walking through a minefield. His schedule was getting more demanding as the season approached. Her growing frustration with always coming second to football. The way they'd started sleeping on opposite sides of the bed, even when they were technically touching.

The fight that ended it had been about something stupid—him missing dinner with her parents because of a last-minute team meeting. But really, it had been about everything else. About how she felt like she was building a life around someone who wasn't fully present for it. About how he felt like he was failing at everything that mattered off the field.

"I can't do this anymore," she'd said, standing in this same bedroom, her voice quiet but certain. "I can't keep pretending that this is working when we both know it isn't."

He'd wanted to fight for her, to promise he'd do better, but the truth was he didn't know how. Football was everything he'd worked for his entire life, and the demands weren't going to get smaller. She deserved someone who could give her more than the leftover pieces of himself.

So they'd had the breakup conversation like adults. Divided up their things, figured out who would take the house. She'd moved out over a weekend while he was at training camp, leaving behind only the furniture they'd bought together and a note thanking him for everything.

For three weeks, Joe had convinced himself he was fine. The house was quieter, sure, but he could focus better. No more scheduling his life around someone else's needs. No more guilt about missing dinners or working late.

Then she'd texted about the clothes.

She'd shown up on a Tuesday evening, professional and polite, gathering the handful of items she'd forgotten. But when she was done, instead of leaving, she lingered by the door. They'd started talking for the first time since the breakup. And when talking turned into touching, and touching turned into them tangled together on the couch they'd picked out, it felt like the most natural thing in the world.

"This doesn't change anything," she'd said afterward, already reaching for her clothes.

"I know," he'd replied, even though some part of him had hoped it might.

That was four months ago. Since then, they'd developed this careful dance of late-night texts, brief encounters, no talk of feelings or the future. She seemed to have this whole thing figured out in a way that he didn't. Clean boundaries. No complications. Just two people who were good together in bed and smart enough not to confuse that with anything else.

Except he was starting to confuse it with something else.

He started noticing little things. The way she still kicked her shoes off by the door in the exact same spot, muscle memory from when this was her home, too. How she'd absently reach for the lamp on the bedside table that she'd picked out and placed there. The way she still moved through his kitchen like she knew where everything was, because she did—she'd organized those cabinets herself.

These weren't the observations of someone who was just hooking up with his ex. These were the observations of someone who missed her in ways that had nothing to do with sex.

Joe heard the soft hum of an engine in the driveway and felt his pulse pick up. Fifteen minutes. She'd made good time from wherever she was. He stepped back from the window, not wanting to look too eager.

The front door opened with her key; he'd never asked for it back, and she'd never offered, and he heard her familiar footsteps on the hardwood. She still moved through this house as if she belonged there, and maybe that was part of the problem. Maybe that was why he kept texting her.

"Upstairs," he called out, his voice rougher than he intended.

Her footsteps paused for just a moment, and he wondered what had caught her attention. Maybe she was checking her phone, or maybe she'd noticed something different about the house. It was a brief pause, the kind that wouldn't mean anything to anyone else, but he found himself cataloging it anyway.

Then her feet were on the stairs, and Joe felt that familiar tightness in his chest that came with wanting something he'd already lost.

* * *

She appeared in the doorway, and Joe's breath caught. Still beautiful. Still looking at him like she was deciding something.

"Hey," she said, leaning against the doorframe.

"Hey."

The silence stretched between them, not awkward exactly, but loaded with the weight of everything they weren't saying. She was wearing an oversized sweater and jeans, nothing special, but Joe found himself looking at her like he was trying to memorize something.

She pushed off from the doorframe and walked toward him, her eyes doing that thing they always did, taking inventory. When her gaze lingered on his shoulders, then dropped to his chest, he saw the moment she registered the difference.

"You've been spending more time in the gym," she said, not quite a question.

Joe shrugged, suddenly self-conscious. "Offseason training's been more intense."

She was close enough now that he could smell her perfume, the same one she'd always worn. Her hand came up to rest against his chest, fingers spreading over the muscle there, and he felt his breath catch.

"I can tell," she murmured, and there was something in her voice that made his pulse spike.

He caught her hand in his, thumb brushing over her knuckles. "You like it?"

Instead of answering, she rose up on her toes and kissed him. Soft at first, testing, then deeper when he responded. His hands found her waist, pulling her closer, and she made that quiet sound in the back of her throat that he remembered too well.

They broke apart just enough to breathe, foreheads touching.

They moved toward the bed without breaking the kiss, her fingers tracing the new muscle definition she'd noticed.

"Jesus, Joe," she breathed, her hands tracing the new definition in his shoulders, his arms.

He wanted to say something, but she was kissing him again, and then they were falling back onto the bed, a tangle of limbs and familiar desire. Her jeans hit the floor, followed by his pants, and then there was just skin against skin and the sound of their breathing in the quiet room.

Joe took his time, the way he always did with her. His mouth on her neck, her collarbone, mapping territory he knew by heart but somehow felt different now under his hands. She was responsive, arching into his touch, her fingers digging into the muscle of his back in a way that made him groan.

When she rolled him over and straddled him, her hair falling around her face, he found himself staring. She looked down at him with an expression he couldn't quite read, and for a second, he forgot how to breathe.

"What?" she asked, noticing him staring.

"Nothing," he said, his hands settling on her hips. "Just... you."

Something flickered across her face, too quick for him to catch, before she leaned down to kiss him again. And then they were moving together, finding that rhythm they'd never lost, the connection that had always been easy between them, even when everything else was complicated.

Afterward, they lay without touching, still breathing hard. The silence felt thick, full of things Joe didn't want to think about too hard.

She was the first to move, sitting up and reaching for her clothes, which were scattered across the floor. Joe watched her, noting the careful way she avoided his eyes, the practiced efficiency of someone who'd done this dance before.

"You don't have to rush off," he said, the words coming out rougher than he intended.

She paused, bra halfway on. "Don't I?"

There was a challenge in her voice, and Joe felt something shift in his chest. This was the part where one of them would usually make an excuse, pretending it was simple and meaningless. But tonight felt different. Tonight, the silence felt like it was asking questions he wasn't sure he was ready to answer.

* * *

She was already reaching for her sweater when Joe found himself speaking.

"I miss knowing how your day went."

He hadn't meant to say it out loud. Her hands stilled on the fabric, and for a moment, the only sound was their breathing still evening out.

She turned to look at him, something unreadable flickering across her face. "What?"

Joe sat up against the headboard, suddenly feeling exposed in a way that had nothing to do with being naked. "I said I miss knowing how your day went."

She pulled the sweater over her head, the motion sharp and deliberate. "Why do you care?"

The question stung. He watched her stand and reach for her jeans—the familiar routine of her getting dressed to leave—and felt something crack open in his chest.

"I'm serious." He ran a hand through his hair, frustrated by how hard this was to say. "I miss knowing if you had a good day at work, or if that thing with your sister worked out, or whether you're sleeping okay."

"You can't do this," she said, shaking her head as she buttoned her jeans. "You can't say things like that."

"Why not?"

"Because this isn't what this is." She gestured between them, her voice taking on an edge he recognized, the one she got when she was protecting herself. "This is physical. It's simple. It works because we don't do... this."

Joe felt something desperate rise in his chest. "But what if I want to know? What if I want this to be more than just—"

"Then ask me sometime," she cut him off, reaching for her shoes. "Out of this bedroom."

The words landed like a challenge, and Joe felt his mouth open to respond, but she was already moving toward the door.

"Where are you going?"

She paused in the doorway, not turning around. "Home, Joe. I'm going home."

"This used to be your home, too."

The silence that followed was deafening. When she finally turned to look at him, there was something in her expression that made his chest tighten.

"Used to be," she said softly. "See you around, Joe."

And then she was gone, and he was back to being alone in a bed that felt empty without her, the sound of her leaving echoing through the house.

Joe stared at the ceiling, replaying the conversation in his head. The way she'd looked at him when he said he missed knowing about her day. The careful distance she'd put between them with her words. The challenge in her voice: Then ask me sometime out of this bedroom.

The next morning, Joe found himself staring at a blank text message for twenty minutes, typing and deleting words until his thumbs were tired. Finally, he settled on something simple:

How's your day going? Can we meet up soon, not to hook up, but to hang out? It can be in public

He hit send before he could second-guess himself.

Her response came an hour later, and despite everything, Joe found himself smiling as he read it:

Give me a week of consistent communication that's not you trying to hook up with me, and I'll consider it.

Joe read the message three times, something warm and terrifying unfurling in his chest. A week. She was giving him a week to prove he wanted more than just her body in his bed.

He could do a week.

[mylovesstuffs]

when you’re into photography

Request: I think I'm slowly picking photography as my new hobby ever since I always stalking wonwoo's (I missed him fr 🥲🥲) photography acc. So u know the drill here : ot13 with s/o that into photography

-⭐️

A/N: Same, I miss Wonwoo so much… we get it, we suffer together

Seungcheol: He thinks it’s so cool how you can capture things that most people miss. He honestly brags about you All. The. Time without even realizing it: "Look what she shot yesterday, isn’t it amazing?" Seungcheol would gladly offer to be your model too, but he’s a little shy, so he’ll jokingly pose awkwardly just to make things a little less embarrassing lol. Always tells you that your eyes are special, like it's the most obvious truth in the world.

Jeonghan: Teases you endlessly. "Are you sure the camera can handle my beauty?" but loves being photographed by you. He notices how serious and focused you get behind the lens, and it makes his chest ache a little with pride. Sometimes he’ll act silly just to capture your laugh between shots. He'll also steal your camera and take dozens of candid photos of you when you’re not looking.

Joshua: Super supportive boyfriend from the start. He'd be genuinely curious about what styles you like; street photography? portraits? vintage film? He’ll sit with you and help you edit late into the night if you want. Also randomly buys you little camera accessories. Will say, “saw this and thought of you” shits. He looks at your photos like they’re literal works of art [which, it is], and he means it.

Jun: Jun loves how photography lets you show the world through your eyes. He’ll want you to teach him some basics too, and will trail after you when you go on photo walks, offering to carry your gear. If you get frustrated with lighting or angles, he’ll kiss your forehead and say, “It’s okay. Even the sun waits for you.” Because he genuinely believes your moments are worth waiting for [and he's just cheeky].

Hoshi: He’s obsessed. He follows you around like a golden retriever [tiger; but that's scary] whenever you’re shooting, making random poses, “take one of me! No wait, THIS angle!” He’s so easily impressed, even by blurry practice shots. Also, 100% would want matching camera straps with you too.

Wonwoo: Absolutely melts inside. Photography is sacred to him, and knowing it’s something you love too makes him feel even closer to you. He'll offers you his favorite locations, tips, maybe an old camera he loves. He'd just watch you work, admiring the way you concentrate, then say something along the lines of, "Show me how you see the world," like it's the most poetic confession ever. It is.

Woozi: He's actually very fascinated. Loves seeing your final shots, especially when you capture small, unnoticed moments, like a spilled coffee cup or a kid' candid laugh. Saves his favorite ones to his phone. Though he may or may not admit it, but your photos inspire some of his songwriting [he's just shy.]

Dokyeom: He hypes you up so much it’s embarrassing sometimes. "LOOK AT MY GENIUS PHOTOGRAPHER LOVE!" He asks you to teach him how to take good photos too, but honestly, he’s terrible because he keeps getting distracted by you lol. Loves when you photograph moments of the two of you together; even the silly, blurry ones are treasures to him.

Mingyu: Mingyu immediately volunteers as your assistant, model, editor all at once. He loves your photography because it feels personal, and so alive. Whenever you doubt yourself, he’s the loudest one reassuring you. Will probably beg you to let him frame a few prints for the house, or just exhibit in hybe building.

Minghao: He gets it on a soul level. For him, photography is like breathing, like noticing the tiny beauties that most people walk past. Minghao would want to collaborate with you on artsy projects, experimental shoots, gallery visits. Loves your eye for light and form. Sometimes you’ll catch him just looking at you mid-shoot, a soft smile tugging at his mouth, because he loves the way you create and just loves you.

Seungkwan: SO proud, SO loud. Just like Seungcheol, he constantly brags about you to the others. If you ever have an exhibit or post your work online, he's your #1 hype man in the comments ["LEGEND!! PHOTOGRAPHY ICON!!"]. Also very emotional if you ever photograph any of his candid moments; he’ll get quiet for a second, looking at the photo like he’s never seen himself like that before. You’re magic to him.

Vernon: He totally respects your art and would want you to feel free, not pressured. Loves to go on long walks with you while you snap photos. He doesn’t pose unless you ask, because he prefers you capturing raw, unposed moments between you two. He just thinks you're the coolest person ever. Might hook you up with his photography team or whatever that's called.

Dino: Wants to be involved, wants to learn with you, wants to celebrate every tiny milestone. He’s so happy to see you passionate about something, it makes him fall harder for you every day. Buys matching disposable cameras so you can both take photos on dates and swap rolls later. A whole scrapbook of memories with you is his dream.

[hrrtshape]

Hi, I stumbled across your page a couple days ago and honestly you are one of my biggest shifting inspirations!! Your writing is so beautiful, I was looking at scripting beauty and I was wondering if you could do an eldritch beauty? If that makes sense? 🫶🫶

eldritch beauty ,

eyes that do not scan the room but audit it. eyes that stay too long. never out of rudeness, because they're collecting. because they're storing something you didn't realise you offered.

there is no universal colour for her eyes because the light might as well behave strangely around her. blue turns smoky. brown goes red in certain rooms. green flashes yellow on camera.

those peculiar eyes stay wide when she laughs. they do not blink when they're supposed to. people never forget them, they're not sure why.

hair that's always slightly too dark in photographs. frizzless, curl-less, but never flat. heavy-looking, but soft in the way shadows are soft. when it moves, people follow it.

it behaves too well. never tangles, never breaks, never dries wrong. even after water. even after wind. it drips slow. it dries slow. it makes stylists paranoid. they try to tame it. nothing happens.

skin that doesn't flush when expected. never sunburnt. never oily. clean even when dirty. when you touch it, it's room temperature. never warm. never cold. people say it glows, but what they mean is that it reflects oddly.

her cheekbones catch light. flash photography always gives her a halo. there's a spot under her jaw no one can stop looking at.

hands that don't look delicate until they're still. then suddenly they do.

nails perfect without polish. half-moons sharp.

her fingers are always a bit cooler than yours. not in temperature, just in presence. they point as if they're narrating something. they stir drinks too slowly. they've never once fidgeted.

a voice people can't imitate. it never quite sounds the same twice.

sometimes it's low and tired, sometimes it cuts through a room. every teacher has asked her to repeat herself. every friend says her laugh is strange.

a scent that's hard to place. something clean, but old. like paper that's been sealed in a box for years. not perfume. not flowers. a bit of soap, maybe. a bit of salt. a bit of blood, if you're being honest.

a scent that doesn't cling to her clothes, but to her presence. you'll forget it and then smell it a week later in a stairwell. it won't make sense. then again it never has.

a walk that looks lazy from the back and determined from the front. people always ask if she used to dance. she didn't. she stands too still in elevators. she always enters last.

a mouth that doesn't part the way it should. her lips aren't pouty. they just look busy. they look like they're thinking. you never notice them until she talks. and then you can't stop. the shape of them is too specific. no one else in her family has them. they look borrowed.

when she smiles, it feels personal. not private. personal. she's giving something to you that you didn't earn.

she does not make sense in group photos. she doesn't look better than the others. she just looks edited in. no one remembers her blinking. in videos, she always seems to be looking at the wrong place. even when she isn't.

this is not beauty that feels human. this is beauty that interrupts. not a flicker. not a spell. a rupture in the pattern. and it doesn't scare you yet it doesn't comfort you. it just changes the temperature of the room.

[glamourscat]

୨୧ Shidou's hcs ୨୧

CW: nothing?? maybe a little angst

a meme sender. Idk he just gives off those vibes, he would probably fill any messaging chat w random memes. Or even worse, reacts to some of your messages with those really cringe meme reaction pictures ... like this one

takes pictures on your phone when you leave it around. Good luck w your storage, cause it will always be full of random pictures. From forehead pics, funny faces, pictures of you sleeping

We know that one of his fav/best subjects at school aside from PE was art. I like to think he likes art as a hobby, especially after a stressfull day on the field. Mostly painting or sketching, but I can see photography and music especially.

It’s no secret that he doesn’t fit in. From his bold and extravagant style, I mean the guy's colour palette is literally hot pink, but that aside is — he is literally the total opposite of what the Japanese culture claims to be. Unapologetically loud, extroverted, doesnt accept societal norms. No wonder he is seen as an outsider in blue lock lmao. Especially because, like Bachira but slightly different, Shidou doesn’t play because he wants to win. Not like Isagi, not like Rin, who if they lose a match will go absolutely nuts. He plays because he just wants to play. His philosophy on football is to leave a mark, big enough that people know he was there and to just enjoy football as it is.

But, with that said, taking in consideration his philosophy and the way he lives, I think he would be into someone who’s pretty much the opposite of what society expects. He doesn’t want “the society standard”, he doesn’t want you to change yourself because of him (eg: shaving, cutting hair like you think he would like, less or more makeup etc..) he wants you to be yourself. From your clothes to the way you present yourself. He wants someone that can be loud as him, unafraid to be free— to search for that freedom with him, but at the same time someone who’s brave enough to be calm during the storm (aka at night when you two are alone with your thoughts and feelings) 

His partner will be the same coin, just different side of it. Someone that can literally match his freak lol, but who’s different enough to anchor him down. Someone who sees the world in colours, someone who’s unconventional in the eyes of all. 

Aesthetically wise, I don’t think it really matters to him. Again, it’s a matter of vibes mostly. Still, I can see him taking a liking into people who have unconventional features or fashion style. Anyone who "doesn't fit in". Both people with muscle and plus size people. He gives me the vibes of someone who would enjoy squeezing the living out of you, I can’t explain why. If you’re into makeup, even better. I think colour wise, his partner would have a clothing palette maybe similar to his. Some colourful stuff, mixed with base colours. I don’t see him with someone that just dresses with one tone/colour. Someone who maybe doesn’t even have a particular fixed style, but every day dresses differently base on their mood. 

Just by taking a look at what his favourite manga, movie and song is (i go in more detail about my analysis on them here) I feel he is an extreme political being. His style was already a dead giveaway, but, the fact he likes those three pieces of media that hold such heavy political discourse, the lack of freedom, the sense of feeling trapped… I would say he is someone who’s definitely involved in politics. See it as you wish. 

Lastly, i think he struggles to make friends. It’s no secret, he comes across as strong, personality wise— extremely imposing. His aura has probably scared a few people off before. He probably craves those deep, intense, friendships with someone.

let me know your thoughts on them!

© glamourscat

[selineram3421]

*stumbles in and door slams into the wall* Ding-dong💘

Soft Love

Alastor X Chubby Reader

Warnings ⚠

⚠ food mention-desserts and strawberries, hurt/comfort, italics=thoughts, insecurities, mentions of murder, mention of cannibalism, slight implied/suggestive ⚠

Life in Hell was hectic.

Love in Hell? Nearly impossible to find.

Especially if its real.

Alastor knew you as the kind, soft demon that everyone got along with in the hotel staff.

Kind even to him.

Your work at the hotel was mostly in the arts. The Princess has you in the therapy area to help sinners express their emotions with different mediums.

Such an interesting demon you were with many hobbies. Painting, singing, dancing, baking, designing, cooking, knitting, photography, drawing. The list could go on possibly for a while, you haven't shared all of them.

He was curious, wondering exactly what damned you to Hell.

"Alastor!"

Speak of the devil, you called.

"Yes dear?", he looked up from his book.

He sat on the lobby couch that was just across the bar, patiently waiting for you to speak.

"Could you try something for me? I made some lava cake for desert but I want to make sure yours is the right amount of bitter."

Yes, you were also very considerate and attentive.

"Of course dear!", he stood from the couch and whisked his book away into the shadows. "You know I always look forward to your baking."

He followed behind you, smiling a little wider at the pep in your step.

The Radio Demon knew that he had feelings for you. It took him a while to come to terms with it but let it happen anyway.

You were also the only person that he touched (respectfully) often. Holding your hand, linking your arms together, squishing your cheeks, holding you close for a dance. All excuses just to feel your warmth and softness.

Sure, he's let his friend Rosie touch him but she knew that he didn't like physical contact too often unless it was needed for dancing.

"I made your cake less sweet too!", you turned to look back at him with a smile.

"I appreciate it."

Once both of you entered the kitchen, you showed him the cakes and got out two different chocolate mixes.

"The lighter one is the sweetest, and the darker one is quite bitter.", you placed the bowls on the counter. "I actually want to try it with strawberries too.."

"Sounds appetizing!", he stepped closer and placed his hand on your lower back, leaning forward. "I wouldn't mind having a bite."

You blushed and avoided his gaze.

How adorable.

"I'll get a spoon for you to try the chocolate.", you said before walking out of his hold and over to the drawers near the door.

One thing he noticed was that when it came to his touch, you'd shy away. When he gave you compliments regarding your appearance, you would brush him off or put yourself down.

It upset him greatly.

Somewhat impatient, he swiped up some of the dark chocolate with his finger and tasted it.

"Alastor!"

Like a child, he quickly held his hands behind his back as if to hide something.

"Yes?"

You sighed and got a napkin before walking up to the red man.

"No use in hiding what you did.", you held out your hand.

"But I'm not hiding anything.", he shows you his hands by placing them on yours. "See?"

You hum and pull him down by his hands. "You've got chocolate on the side of your lip deer.", you point out and laugh.

He let's you clean him up with the napkin.

When you pull back, he stops you by taking a hold of your hand with the napkin. Calling your name, the Radio Demon looks you in the eye.

"I have a question for you"

"What is it?", you ask.

"Why is it that whenever I give you a compliment, you disregard it?"

In a second you stiffened and stared at him wide eyed.

"W-what? I don't do that..", you tried to pull away.

Alastor places a kiss on your fingers, still not letting go of your hand.

"Don't lie to me my dear, I always remember everything about you."

You look away with a sigh.

The frown on your face makes his unbeating heart ache.

"I don't like to talk about it.", you say and pull away.

Instead of leaving, you move the bowls and hop onto the counter to sit. Then you take a moment before speaking.

"I wasn't always treated right because of how big I looked.", you said with a sad smile. "I wasn't beauty standard perfect, or had a body that someone could ogle."

The red demon listened.

"When I did get into a relationship, it wasn't good. I was belittled, abused, and cheated on. But I still loved with my whole being..", you moved your hands onto your lap. "I was stabbed to death by them."

Alastor had to hold back his anger.

He wanted to find the person who dared treat you like nothing. To torture and rip them apart. To eat them alive.

"Silly, isn't it?", you smiled sadly, staring down at your hands. "Its what got me killed in the first place but yet I'm still chasing after it."

The Radio Demon slowly took your hands and gently rubbed them.

"You just put your heart in the wrong hands.", he said and lifted your hands to kiss your knuckles. "If I was the one who you loved, you wouldn't have to worry about any affairs."

He kissed the inside of your wrist.

"I'd compliment you everyday."

You were blushing madly at this point, too shocked and flustered to stop him.

He kissed your shoulder.

"I would never hurt you.", he says and kisses your cheek before whispering. "Unless you asked me to."

"Alastor-", you got one of your hands out of his hold to cover your mouth and some of your red face.

He leans back a bit to get a good look at you.

"I don't know how they couldn't see you for who you are. You're absolutely divine and worth so much more than anything anyone else could offer me."

You were tearing up at this point, still covering your mouth.

Carefully, the deer demon moved your hand away and caressed the side of your face. Wiping away a stray tear from your cheek.

"I love you."

You start tearing up more and he sees them start running down, some wetting his hand.

"I love all of you.", he smiles genuinely. "And if anyone dared try to insult or belittle you again, I'll make sure to torture them a million times over until you ask me to stop."

You've begun to quietly sob, wiping your tears as best as you could with your free hand.

"May I kiss you?"

You laugh at that.

"I'm a mess!", you say with a breathy laugh before sniffling.

"No, you're adorable.", he kisses the top of your head.

He let's you take a minute to calm down and helps you wipe your tears and snot away.

"Can you ask again?", you give him a shy smile.

"May I kiss you?", his smile widens.

"Yes please."

Both of you share a soft but long kiss.

I found the merch!

~Seline, the person.

Taglist@

None for right now until I can fix how to add more tags.

ML for Alastor🎙

Extra:

You confess to Alastor that you've had a crush on him for quite a while.

"How long?", he asks, deer ears perked up.

"Uh..haha.", you look away with a blush. "After a week of joining the hotel.."

Doing the math, he realized that you've fancied him four months before he started growing feelings for you.

"Is that why you would ask what my favorite meals are? And how much sweetness I could tolerate?"

You nod.

"I can't believe how oblivious I've been. You've been gifting and making things for me.", his deer ears droop down and his brows furrow. "I must make up for all the time you spent on me."

"It's alright love.", you smiled.

"No, you can't change my mind.", he says and steals a kiss. "I'm going to spoil you."

🫀

[mazikeenhyde]

Less than a Minute - Part 2

The reaction to this is not what i was expecting at all, for my first ever attempt at fan fiction i assumed maybe one or two may read it but i would end up deleting it and hiding back under my duvet! Yet my mind is blown by the love and reaction >.<

Part 2 is here! This is definitely gonna be a mini series, there's a lot more to come! Part 3 is in the works and will be out later this week.

For now...

-WARNING – 

A Poly!Judgment-Day fanfiction containing themes and mentions of DEPRESSION, SUICIDAL THOUGHTS, LONLINESS, PANIC ATTACKS, SOME SMUT, ANGST, SADNESS, ALCOHOL etc 

Overall, I’m just trying to make you all cry… again >.< 

READER X JUDGMENT DAY – POLY – Rhea, Damien, Finn, Dominik x READER- Written in  first person (Reader Female) 

Italic font - Memory/ Flashback

Less than a minute Part 2 

Dominik sat on the edge of the hotel bed; the cheap cotton blend bedsheets crinkled underneath his jeans as he struggled to stay still. With his eyes held tightly closed he ran his hands up and down his thighs, his knees bouncing up off the floor and his heels tapped nervously against the carpet. His breath hitched and his panic was starting to show. 

Taking in a sharp sudden breath he rose to his feet, one hand behind his head he paced the same steps in the room, he had begun to feel every emotion all at once and there was no one around to save him from himself.

Hands still shaking, he reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone. The thumbprint passcode wouldn’t recognize his hand due to the sweaty palms, so it took a few attempts to type the pin number in correctly. 

“Co..Come on, come on, pl…pl..please” his words were distant and far apart, his voice was failing him. He held his phone up against his ear as he struggled to catch his breath. 

In that moment his heart skipped a beat, it ran cold, the air in the room felt like the temperature dropped to below zero. There it was, that noise. 

The bedside table played an all too familiar tune as it lit up with Y/N phone screen and Dom’s face turned pale, his fear quickly turned to frustration, then to anger. 

“FUCK” he threw his phone to the floor, only remembering Y/N had left hers behind. She was often the one he would turn to when his anxiety peaked. With all the changes coming their way in the world of wrestling Dominik has relied heavily on her support to keep his panic attacks at bay. It was increasingly showing how hard it was going to be to turn against the people he loved whole heartedly. Gratefully he had Finn by his side who was also being forced to turn, so Dominik didn’t feel quite so lost or alone in it all. 

With his hands still shaking Dominik reached across and grabbed Y/N phone from the side. The screen flashed up with his name and a picture of the two of them together with Rhea from the Christmas just gone. Both himself and Y/N with sweet little reindeer face painted noses and fluffy antlers whilst Rhea had been dressed as a sexy Mrs. Claus. 

The WWE had requested a few of the superstars to take part in a Christmas charity photoshoot. Damien and Rhea were dressed as Mr. and Mrs. Claus and Dom Dom, being the little submissive he was had been dressed as Rudolph. Y/N and Finn had joined them briefly in the photo studio in what they had said was support but Rhea was convinced it was for their own entertainment, and it hadn’t taken long for the two of them to be sent packing by the photography team thanks to the wolf whistles and giggling. 

When the photographer had finished Damien, Rhea and Dominik had returned to the Judgment Days clubhouse to find Y/N and Finn waiting for their arrival. Finn was dressed as an Elf with a sack of presents over his shoulder, while Y/N was in full matching attire to Dom, painted nose and all. 

“Ho Ho Ho” Finn laughed as they entered the room, sending a cheeky wink Damien’s way. 

“I think you’ll find…that’s my line Finn” Damien remarked chucking as he made his way over towards the pair of them. 

“Aye maybe, but I still need to check that you are on the Nice list before you get to have a rummage in my….sack” raising his eyebrows suggestively Finn bit his bottom lip. Damien now stood in front, towering over he wrapped his hand around Finn’s neck pushing him up against the wall. They paused a moment before Finn dropped the bag and laughed pulling Damien into a deep kiss. 

Y/N smirked at the two men as she made her way over to Rhea and Dom who were half distracted watching the boys make out session. 

“What about me Mrs. Claus, did I make it on the nice list?” Y/N whispered seductively, running her hand down Rheas arm. Dom mimicked Y/N movements to Rheas opposite arm as he leaned in to nuzzle at her neck. The goosebumps rising across her tattooed skin she took a sharp breath before glancing back at Y/N and pulling Dom away by the scruff of his mullet. 

“Naughty list more like, you two brats hold the record” she laughed and lent down to nuzzle into Y/N neck nipping at the skin. In that moment Y/N felt her entire body heat up in an instant, the knot in her stomach tightened as she failed to catch a breath. Smirking at her work Rhea pulled herself away and let Dom go whilst readjusting her outfit. “Now Dasher and Dancer, Smile for Mami” and pulling her phone out she snapped the photo. 

--------

The Rain had set in hard; it had washed away the puddles on roadsides flooding the sidewalks.  The clouds hung low engulfing the neighboring streets ahead as the storm began to fully draw in. The moon had disappeared, only on occasion would it shine through as lightening illuminated the silver linings of the cloud break.  Damien was driving at pace while Finn scanned the face of every person they flew past as best he could. Deep down inside though he knew, he didn’t need to see her face to recognize the love of their life, for whom had been missing for hours by now. 

“She must be freezing” Damien’s voice was soft, broken. “Her coat was still on the hook, how many times..” He gripped the steering wheel tighter in ager as his demeanor changed. “How many times, have I reminded her, to take her god damn coat when she goes out!” he yelled. He wasn’t really angry mind you, he was scared, and Finn knew that. Staring back out the window at the anonymous strangers rushing into taxis or sheltering under bus stops Finn closed his eyes for a moment to compose himself. He knew now wasn’t the time to break, he had always been the strong one, even if he didn’t feel it in that moment, he couldn’t let that show. 

The streetlamps were indeed lit, but offered very little sight into the surrounding alleyways. Rhea sat in the back seat of the car chewing at her thumbnail, blankly staring out the window her mind flew at a million miles a minute. Every thought, every fear, every question came to mind but was quickly pushed out by another. Y/N was fine she thought, she was happy when they left, in these last days she had been fine.

How had she not known there was something wrong with Bunny.

Unless she had known? 

Had she? 

Rhea stopped chewing her nail for a second, eyes widening slightly. It was as if her brain had rebooted and kicked into gear. 

“Less than a minute?” Rhea whispered under her breath, a sudden realization hitting before the car horn bought her back to reality as Damien slammed on the breaks sending her and Finn flying into the seatbelt lock.

“¡Absoluto Idiota! ¡Mira a donde vas!” Damien shouted slamming down on the car horn again. He gripped the steering wheel tightly as the car in fronts tyres screeched away throwing back the flooded road surface against their windscreen. 

Finn reached over to take Damien’s hand in his, loosening the death grip he had locked in. 

“Pull the car over love, lets regroup.” Finn offered kind words as Damien pulled into the layby shutting off the engine and throwing his head back in exhaustion. 

“Rhea?” Finn turned to face her in the back, visible tears fell down her face as she gripped the seatbelt locked in tightly across her chest, the anxiety she felt was more obvious than ever as her blank forward stare had fully locked in. 

“Rhea? You alright?” Finn asked again looking at her with deep concern, glancing over briefly at Damien who turned to face her as well. 

“Rhe?” Damien reached out to give her a gentle shake. 

“Less than a minute…” she spoke gently again, in a slightly louder but muffled whisper. 

In that moment Rhea’s eyes shot open wide as she scrambled for the seatbelt lock to unclip herself.  

“I KNOW WHERE SHE IS” Rhea’s voice shook, each word breathy and panicked as she scrambled herself out of the car throwing the door open and running off into the downpour. 

“RHEA!” Finn screamed as he stumbled out of the car whilst opening the door, but she was too far gone. 

They two men watched as her silhouette disappeared down the street, her dark attire blending in all too well with the night. 

Damien glanced over to the back seat where Rhea’s coat lay in the passenger footwell, he reached over and grabbed it as Finn climbed back into the car, dripping wet from his brief time in the rain. 

Holding up the jacket Damien shook his head, “These women and their coats…”. 

[mimikittysblog]

Dates with Poly! Ateez

Request by @punkdaze

Doing something very different and just random lol

If you have anything similar then pls ask away!

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

Hongjoong: I think Hongjoong would be kind of basic with his dates. His creativeness is pretty much only for performing or his art. Seonghwa’s words lol. However that doesn’t make him any less sweet. As much as he loves time together with all of his partners he prefer to just have one on one dates. Not against it at all! But he wants to do his best to give time and love for each partner individually. But yknow the occasional 3 to 4 person date is something he would thoroughly enjoy. Though even tho it’d be basic like a dinner or a shopping date he’ll always make them be special though. Think that date he took Seonghwa on to where anakin and padme got married (literally the cutest thing ever oh to be loved like that 😭). He’ll do something similar like that, maybe just take you to a nice cafe that you’ve been dying to go to, or take you to a place he knows you’d enjoy.

Seonghwa: Now for Seonghwa I think he’d probably do something that involves the both of you. In my head the most often dates with you would be lego building. Wether you enjoy lego’s as much as him or not, the activity of building lego’s is fun. So besides that maybe he’ll take you on a date where you two can create something else besides lego’s. Maybe painting or pottery. I don’t think Seonghwa is the craftiest but as long as you two are doing it together he’ll really enjoy it. Omg what if you two went together and made 9 mugs for all of you 😔 wait thats so cute. Imagine each mug you make is a lil different depending on each boyfriend 😭 Hehehe i feel like seonghwa would take the piss and draw a strawberry cake on San’s mug hehehe. Also Seonghwa I think would enjoy going on dates with multiple partners unlike Hongjoong. Since he’s a big nerd like Yunho and Wooyoung it’s not on common for those two to tag along to dates that involve a franchise or IP. And for crafty relaxing dates probably Jongho.

Yunho: Now I feel like Yunho would either take you out on a basic date as well or a very exciting one. As established he’s like Seonghwa where he’s a big nerd. So it’s not uncommon for him to take you to dates to Universal or Disney Land. However other than that this boy does have a photography hobby so I think another often date would be taking you to scenic places and capturing the most beautiful photos of you. Claiming you to be his perfect model 🥹 . He’s also an extrovert so the other lovers would often tag along. Where he would also snap the most gorgeous pictures of them. This man is a giant goofball so just know the day would 10000% be filled with laughs. Also an extra thing, Yunho seems to enjoy dressing up so I can see you two randomly deciding to cosplay together for no reason.

Yeosang: I think he’s one of the members that just prefers to just have stay in home dates. He’s not much of a planner and more of a follower. Boy is smart but also sometimes very clueless. Our precious airhead 💕 Unless something really catches his eye and would like to experience it and involve his lovers. So its often you guys inviting him on a date. Again nothing crazy, probably a dinner or just a walk in the park. Often with Yunho where the two would take their camera’s again. However the most often dates with him would be just snuggling up and watching a movie or reading a book at the same time. Where then San would often pop up and wedge himself between the two of you. Sounds like a lovely date to me 🥰

San: Now this boy. I think almost all of his dates would include more than just you. He loves you all too much and wants to include all of you. He loves amusement park rides so a trip to lotte world would be very common. However he’s also very chill so I think he’ll like to take you on late night drives for those rare individual dates. He honestly just loves being with you guys so much he would really do anything you guys want. Stay at home? Sure! Walk in the park? On it! Dinner? Dont you guys dare bring your wallets! He just wants all of his lovers happy! Which he succeeds very easily! Oh also possible gym dates if you’re up for that! He’d also make them really cheesy tho to motivate you.

Mingi: I think Mingi is the type to bring you on new and exciting dates! That honestly I can’t think of good examples for now (sorry its late and im doing this very spontaneously) just think of a very interesting and rare dates and he’ll probably want to take you on those. He’s a sentimental at heart despite being the only T in Ateez lol. So he wants his dates to be extra special and meaningful. Which usually means he doesn’t take you on those that often. He’d often times just join in on your dates with his other lovers if he had nothing planned. But boy if he did have anything planned then be prepared! You’re gonna have a hell of a good time! P.s. he’d also have gym dates with you but to tease you instead of motivating you like San 🙄

Wooyoung: Same like Mingi! He’d want to take you on exciting dates! But he’s also very domestic so I can see him wanting to chill at home a lot. Just spending time and pretending to be a big married family. Since he also enjoys cooking, I can see you two wanting to learn more and experiment so he might sign you guys up for cooking class. Omg imagine he goes to a cooking class and you go to a baking class 🥺 once you’re both done you two exchange your creations. Then share them with the others at home hnggg so cute 😭 Also this man thrives off of attention so expect a lot of dates that include your other boyfriends as well.

Jongho: Now for our precious teddy bear I think a lot of his dates would be like Hongjoongs. Pretty basic but means a lot of course. He just wants to spend time with you. So he’ll just take you out and let the moment flow. I think he wouldnt really plan it out either. I see him as a “weather is nice today! Lets go out!” Type guy. Which honestly some spontaneous moments in your life is also what you need. However from what I can tell he’s a little bit crafty as well so I can see him taking you out on dates like the ones with seonghwa. I can see him doing that trend where you two take a canvas and paint for a certain amount of time before switching until you get a full painting. Which then will be displayed in the living room. Also like hongjoong he’d probably prefer one on one dates more than big group dates. Once again of course he’s not against it and would love to join on big group dates, but yknow he’d like the one on one’s a bit more cause he gets to be in the moment with each of you without your attentions being split.

All of them: Now speaking of group dates! They happen very often however it’s usually small groups. 3-5 people at a time. With their career its hard to go on special dates with all 9 of you. So for those big group dates it’s usually at home or somewhere where they know will be private so no one can see them. It’s a struggle but so worth it. Often times its just a dinner at a restaurant in a private room. While at home you guys would have game nights, movie nights and other home activities like that. Think the Christmas time stamp i did where you guys played secret santa. Being together is all that matters. And with them, every date is special!

Extras:

You are absolutely the most spoiled

Since you are new in the relationship you do go on the most dates

They don’t really compete with each other but there are teasing moments of “Hah! My date was better than yours!” Not just with you but with the others as well

“You took him to Lotte again?!” Mingi asks

“HE LOVES LOTTE?!” Wooyoung argues

“I do love Lotte 🥰” San would chime in

San also would be very pouty about the strawberry cake on his mug but also would find it funny

Honestly i think dates with Hongjoong would always make you cry cause seriously that date he took seonghwa on?? The fuck thats so cute

.✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ: ✧･ﾟ✧.

© mimikittysblog 2025

[cccakessslicemeee]

I genuinely wanna see Riz not do save the world shit. Like it's great he does that. Love that about him. But I also wanna see him chill the fuck out and enjoy the breeze. I know it's not in his nature to chill the fuck out but like maybe he gets some work that's less intense?

Shenanigans. Maybe senior year and just the whole rouge bullshit class in general give him a bunch of time. The clubs don't happen until after school hours anyway so he's got time.

Maybe he gets into photography? He was already kinda doing that with evidence anyway at least to some degree. Or like someone comes up to him and is like... Hey my grandma's recipes have been lost in a fire and I know you are not the guy for cooking but you solve mysteries so please? I'll pay you?

Riz is like okay... Sure why not let's figure this out.

And spends a lot of time researching food and ingredients. This is a really long and time consuming "mission" because maybe it was a whole ass cook book that was a family heir look for a halfing family that owned a lil bed and breakfast or cafe in Bastion city and they caught fire bc [literally anything could fucking happen in magical fantasy blah blah blah land but I specifically DO NOT WANT IT TO BE INSURANCE FRAUD bc that's already been done and I want Riz to focus on the food bullshit because it's significantly less stressful...although he'd stress about it]

His clue board is revamped and it looks like one of those Pinterest boards with the cute as hell foods all over it and missing ingredients. Riz has to figure out the differences between onions and butters and different types of salt and brown sugar vs. white. Just like the prettiest clue board ever. Food is bizarrely complex.

Sklonda and probably Gorthalax coming back from work and the house smells a bakery. There's cookies and cakes and eggs and just a shit ton of food that Riz is trying to find the right flavor and spices for. The bad kids are hanging around eating his "mistakes"

Fabian is like "The Ball, you can cook???"

Riz shouts from the kitchen "ITS A BASIC LIFE SKILL FABIAN. EVERYONE CAN COOK."

Fabian would disagree after his mother's debacle with the cantaloupe.

Adine and Fig assuring Riz is very well done and happily eating everything he cooks. He's gotten so much better and Riz is like "yeah it's good but it's too spicy and this is a halfing recipe from like... Before the court of stars existed they wouldn't have-" and bla bla blah. He is looking for specifics.

I feel like Riz would bar everyone from the kitchen while he's working. Because God forbid Kristen come in there and poke her fingers in the dough. She so would. I'm pretty sure everyone would be tempted. Plus he can't have his walkway to the oven crowded.

I like to imagine that he has a kitchen area set up in the cooking club that people leave the fuck alone and also his home. Like it's hard work sure and his shoulders get fucked up from mixing batter all the time but like nobody is dying or fighting so it's kinda nice that way.

I can't say he'd love this or this would be enough to make him love cooking/baking. It's a toss up between hating it all entirely or finding that repetition and the making a plan/ the recipe. He'd pour his heart and soul into every dish he makes.

Also like personal preference and the distinctions between dishes that make them so different. I think it's funny if he makes a dish and Fabian tries it and he's all like "Mm. The last one you made was significantly better this is bland."

And riz is all like "oh? Really? Perfect."

"You were going for bland??"

"it's not bland Fabian it's just not seasoned with pepper and I used a shallot-"

"Oh? The weakest of the onions?"

Shit like that

He makes a whole binder. Maybe because Fabian always has something to say he slips in a couple of suggestion recipes or updates for a modern tongue.

The half ling who requested help is over the moon. Maybe the Pinterest clue board becomes a part of the menu. It would absolutely have the "stats" of all the food and where it came from, shit like calories and allergies. Just a wildly detailed thing

Also maybe he can take his mom out for dinner at the restaurant he kinda helped save. That would be cute.

[sucodegoiaba88]

COULD YOU DO A HYUNG-JUU X READER WHERE THE READER HAS SOME HOBBY RELATED TO ART??

For example: drawing, photography, writing, sculpting, etc. And Hyun-juu being her muse and her being embarrassed by them? I love you, Dad, thanks for coming back.

my little artist. ⌑

- pairing: cho hyun-ju x reader.

- summary: hyun-ju dating a reader who is very talented at art related things, and who undeniably uses her as their muse.

the warm, inviting light of the morning sun peeked through the window as you, again, stretched on the sofa with an uncomfortable moan. You fixed your posture for what seemed like the fifth time, still looking at the blank canvas in front of you ― waiting, as if mocking you. You picked up the wooden pencil, challenging yourself to try and sketch a single line, but nothing came out. You didn't want to accept that today was one of those days were you couldn't put a single coherent thought on paper, it was your only free day, for sake! But your camera was charging, you were out of clay, and for some forsaken reason you were also having an art block. How lucky you must be.

a sweet, deep voice coming from the kitchen popped your bubble of thoughts, immediately grabbing your full attention ― love, have you eaten already? It's almost 8. ― of course, your loving hyun-ju wouldn't let you starve yourself into inspiration, how kind of her. Getting up slowly, you could hear the delicious smell of coffee and toast, making you notice your hunger almost instantly if you seemed to had forgotten. Hyun-ju just had a way in the kitchen that you couldn't explain or get it in words even if you tried (specially in your current situation).

as you disappointedly entered the kitchen, already conformed with your defeat, you sat tiredly in one of the chairs. You were almost, almost accepting that today was not an artsy day, until― an angel's light shined across from you, as if you found a jar of fresh water in the middle of the desert.

hyun-ju was facing the oven, finishing both your breakfast and hers. She was wearing her hair on her typical short ponytail, already messy from sleeping. Her clothes consisted of her everyday sleeping shorts and an old strap shirt that was clearly too small to be her size. Nothing else ― quite literally. That was not the best hyun-ju could offer, and that was clearly not her prime in beauty ― at least in her vision ― but you couldn't care less. That was the perfect inspiration you needed, directly from your personal muse.

you picked a small notebook from the counter and started delicately sketching what you saw in front of you. It was as if something magically clicked inside your head, making you feel dumb for not realizing it sooner. However, lost in the apparently blinding magic of your drawing, you failed to notice the giggles close to the oven, failed to notice the light steps coming closer, and only finally noticed when a rough, but neatly manicured hand snatched your notebook away mid tracing.

― uh-? Hey, hyun-ju- i was finishing that-! ― you confusedly protested while reaching over to pick it back again, a blush spreading across your cheeks as she curiously looked at your drawing, one hand on her hips while the other held the notebook over your head. She gave you a soft smile, putting the thing over the fridge while patting your head, a mocking gesture to make you sit down back again.

― it's very cute, sweetheart, but you need to eat first. And please, only do that when i tidy myself up, i don't need any reminder of how i look when i wake up. ― she said in a humorous tone, a slight chuckle coming out of her mouth as she headed back to the oven and then back to the table again, putting a plate of freshly baked eggs with toast in front of you.

you wanted to continue protesting, but when she gave you that gentle but scolding look, you had no choice but to eat it up.

maybe you should choose an easier muse.

sucodelaranja86 try to give hyun-ju clothes that aren't sleeping shorts and a strap shirt challenge go

[delicateperspective]

Lyrical Analysis of "Keep Driving"

I won’t lie, this is the one I have been the most excited yet the most terrified to do. It’s one of my favorite songs on Harry’s House—both for its creative artistry and for its loudness. Keep Driving is more than just a song; it’s a collection of snapshots, a stream-of-consciousness look at a relationship that is both deeply intimate and quietly fragile. At first listen, it feels like a list of disconnected images, but when you start piecing them together, a story emerges—one of love, nostalgia, longing, and the quiet fear that it could all fall apart.

For many listeners, this song feels random—a collection of phrases that don’t seem to connect. But when viewed through the lens of Harry’s history, especially his connection to Louis, the pieces start to fall into place. The references are oddly specific, and some of them are so pointedly linked to Louis that it raises the question:

Did Harry want us to know exactly who this was about?

He knows his lyrics will be dissected—why include such obvious clues?

Are we just finding connections that don’t exist, or is this song a carefully constructed puzzle for those paying attention?

And if so many of these lines can be explained with public-facing knowledge, is it possible that the others have meanings we just haven’t pieced together yet?

At a certain point, the number of connections starts to feel less like coincidence and more like intent. And with that in mind, let’s dive in.

If we analyze Harry’s House in reverse order, each song builds on the next, forming an emotional arc:

"Love of My Life" – Harry reflects on a love that changed everything for him. He lost it, but now has it again. This signals a reconciliation.

"Boyfriends" – He acknowledges that the relationship isn’t perfect. They’ve both made mistakes, but they always find their way back to each other.

"Satellite" – He’s finally ready to fully commit, but his partner isn’t quite ready to choose him publicly, completely. He’s waiting.

And now, we arrive at "Keep Driving."

This song is what happens after they’re back together. It’s domestic, fluffy, and filled with tiny moments that make up their life as a pair. But beneath the surface, there’s an unease, a tension—the recognition that things aren’t perfect, that there are problems lurking in the background, but instead of addressing them, they choose to just keep driving.

It’s not just about relationship struggles, though. There’s also a sense of blocking out the outside world. The world is chaotic, overwhelming, and sometimes the only thing you can do is shut it out and focus on the person you love.

Lyric Breakdown and Analysis

Black and white film camera

Harry has been into photography for years. He’s been seen using film cameras consistently, and black-and-white photography aligns with his nostalgic, artistic aesthetic. This is an image of capturing a moment, freezing time—an attempt to make something last forever.

Yellow sunglasses

In September 2019, Harry was seen wearing a very distinctive pair of yellow sunglasses. Given the timeline of when this song was written, it’s reasonable to assume this is a reference to those.

Ashtray, swimming pool

Harry doesn’t smoke, but Louis does. This line paints an image of their domestic life—possibly suggesting that Harry makes Louis smoke outside by the pool 😆

Hot Wax, jump off the roof

This is especially interesting because the official lyrics capitalize both "Hot" and "Wax," suggesting it’s not about literal candle wax but a proper noun—something specific. HotWax is a band that released singles like "Stay Cool" , "Pat the Killer Cat", and "Baked Beans" —all around the time this song was written.

Later, HotWax opened for Louis’ Away From Home Festival in 2023.

Harry and Louis both seem to have taken an interest in this band, making this a subtle but meaningful connection.

A small concern with how the engine sounds

This is a metaphor for the relationship. The car = their love, their journey together. The engine making a weird noise suggests that something feels off, but it’s "just a small concern"—one they don’t want to dwell on.

We held darkness in withheld clouds

This is one of the most poetic lines in the song. "Held darkness" – They’ve been through pain, struggles, secrets. "Withheld clouds" – They’re keeping it back, not talking about it, holding back the storm. Instead of addressing what’s wrong, they’re choosing to suppress it—at least for now. They’re holding off all of the internal and external issues facing them so they can enjoy this moment.

I would ask, 'Should we just keep driving?'

This is the central question of the song. Do we stop and deal with everything? Or do we just keep going, keep pretending everything is fine, keep holding onto what we have for as long as we can?

Maple syrup, coffee Pancakes for two Hash brown, egg yolk I will always love you

This section is absolutely packed with meaning. Harry and Louis’ love for pancakes and maple syrup has been well-documented since the early One Direction days.

January 2011: Tweet from the official 1D account: "Hey everyone, me and Harry have just had pancakes and maple syrup for breakfast. Great way to start the day! Miss you all! Louis and Harry x"

February 2012: Louis tweets: "Question is... Are they gonna serve pancakes at the Brits??"

Louis has celebrated National Pancake Day multiple times (2013, 2016, 2018).

One Direction Carpool Karaoke: In the aired version of the segment, we see Louis ordering food—a sausage McMuffin with egg, two hashbrowns, and a chocolate milkshake—while Harry only orders an iced tea. But in cut footage, Harry is later seen chewing while holding a hashbrown wrapper and drinking out of Louis’ chocolate shake. So, what does this mean? The implication is adorably domestic—Louis ordered for both of them, and they shared their food. It wasn’t even a big deal, just something natural between them. Now, let’s be real—why was this scene cut? Ben Winston (who directed the segment) has a history of editing out moments between Harry and Louis that could be seen as too "intimate" or "suggestive". If you were trying to minimize speculation about their relationship, this is exactly the kind of casual, boyfriend-coded moment you’d want to remove. It’s not about what they’re doing—it’s about how natural it looks. They don’t even think twice about sharing food, and that’s something couples do.

This isn’t just about food—it’s about history, shared memories, small moments of love that add up over time. The final line, "I will always love you," is the most direct expression of love in HIS ENTIRE DISCOGRAPHY.

Passports in footwells

This immediately evokes the idea of traveling—whether by car or airplane. "Footwell" refers to the floorboard of a vehicle, meaning the image here is of passports casually tossed on the floor—perhaps from frequent travel, perhaps from rushing to leave.

But Harry’s most infamous “passport” moment ties back to his relationship with Taylor Swift—or rather, the stunt that was his relationship with Taylor Swift. On New Year’s Eve 2012, Harry was set to meet Taylor in NYC to ring in the new year. However, he "lost" his passport and was delayed getting there. Many fans believe this was intentional, a way to avoid the highly publicized (and later mocked) NYE kiss he was expected to have with Taylor on national television. When he did arrive, his body language was stiff and unenthusiastic, and the entire interaction felt awkward and forced. If this line is referring to that moment, it could be Harry subtly referencing the absolute mess of PR relationships, travel schedules, and forced narratives that dictated so much of his public life at the time.

Kiss her and don't tells

This line immediately follows the passport reference, which makes it even more likely that it’s about stunts and forced public relationships. "Kiss her" could refer to being told to perform affection for the cameras, particularly with Taylor Swift, Kendall Jenner, or other PR pairings over the years. "Don't tells" sounds very much like a play on "don't ask, don't tell", which could be a nod to secrecy, suppression, and the unspoken rules of the industry. Essentially, this could be about being told to kiss a woman for the press while simultaneously having to hide the truth about his real relationship.

Wine glass

Probably red 😜 Considering Louis’ red wine and ginger ale (I'll add the proof that that is what he drinks on my Little Freak analysis), referenced explicitly in Little Freak and the song Grapejuice where Harry sings about drinking “something old and red.” Essentially, red wine has been a recurring symbol in this album.

Puff pass

This is a direct reference to weed, a phrase commonly used when sharing a joint. Louis was caught on video smoking weed with Zayn back in the 1D days, and he has been open about his use of it since then. Harry, however, has never explicitly admitted to smoking, but there’s plenty of evidence that he’s familiar with it—most notably, a clip where he smells a fan’s weed from the stage and gives her a thumbs-up.

CUTE NOTE: Louis’ song "Silver Tongues" contains the lyrics: "You said grass was a dirty drug, you like to preach with the vodka in your mug." Which sounds very much like "wine glass, puff pass". This could easily be playful banter, hinting at conversations they’ve had about weed vs. alcohol.

Tea with cyborgs

This feels like one of the more obvious lines that One Direction fans would recognize—yet its inclusion in a deeply personal love song would be strange if it wasn’t about a member of the band.

Most likely, this is a reference to the One Direction “Drag Me Down” music video, where Harry is explicitly shown drinking tea with robots at NASA. The behind-the-scenes footage confirms it was tea, making this a direct and intentional reference.

Beyond the surface-level connection, this ties back to another song on Harry’s House—"Satellite", for which the music video was filmed at the same NASA facility. If you’re listening to the album in order, this reference foreshadows the next song, but if you’re following our reverse-album theory, it builds on the themes we've already seen.

The phrase “tea with cyborgs” also plays with the idea of something ordinary (drinking tea) clashing with something unnatural (robots, space, the artificiality of public personas). In the context of Keep Driving, it could symbolize the strangeness of their reality—where normal moments of intimacy exist alongside the surreal, highly publicized world they had to navigate.

Riot America, science and edibles

This line is a perfect example of how Harry juxtaposes the chaos of the outside world with private, intimate moments of escape.

"Riot America" probably refers to the Black Lives Matter protests of 2020, which erupted across the U.S. following the murder of George Floyd. Harry himself participated in the protests in Los Angeles, marching alongside others, holding up a Black Lives Matter sign, and later publicly donating to bail funds for arrested protesters. The inclusion of this reference shows that the weight of the world is very much present in the song—it’s not just about personal struggles, but the larger political and social issues surrounding them.

"Science and edibles" then immediately follows, shifting from something heavy and serious to something light and personal. It could reference deep conversations they’ve had about life, the universe, and everything in between—topics that Harry, in particular, has always been fascinated by (he’s spoken about his love for physics and space multiple times). "Edibles" suggests a moment of relaxation, perhaps a way of escaping from the intensity of everything happening around them.

This contrast—protests and politics vs. science and weed—reflects the theme of Keep Driving: blocking out the noise and focusing on the person next to you, even as the world outside feels like it’s on fire.

Life hacks going viral in the bathroom

This line likely references @/onlyjayus, a TikTok creator who became insanely popular during quarantine for sharing life hacks from their bathroom mirror. Many of these hacks were psychologically based, which is interesting because Louis has expressed a strong interest in psychology in various interviews.

In my mind, I love to picture Harry finding these videos on TikTok and showing them to Louis during their quiet, alone moments—because he knows Louis would enjoy them (but refuses to use Tiktok). It’s a small, intimate detail that adds to the song’s theme of private moments shared between two people.

Cocaine, side boob Choke her with a sea view

This is one of the most open-to-interpretation lines, but what’s clear is that it evokes a very specific LA, party-culture aesthetic—one of excess, indulgence, and luxury. Cocaine is often associated with Hollywood, wealth, and the high-profile party scene, which Harry has been adjacent to for years. This isn’t the first time he’s referenced cocaine on this album (Daylight: “You were just doing cocaine in my kitchen, you never listen”), suggesting that drug culture was present in his environment. Whether this line is about personal experience or simply an observation, it contributes to the hedonistic, reckless energy of this part of the song.

"Side boob" is a very specific kind of sexual imagery—it’s not just about nudity, but about a glimpse of something, a partial view. In the context of an LA party scene, it could reference fashion trends (revealing dresses, casual sensuality) or the hyper-sexualized nature of Hollywood. Alternatively, if we apply the song’s larger themes, it could symbolize something (or someone) being seen, but only partially.

"Choke her with a sea view" is perhaps the most ambiguous line, and it can be interpreted in multiple ways:

A BDSM reference – Harry has occasionally played with themes of power dynamics and submission in his lyrics and performances. If this song is personal, this line could be an allusion to a sexual preference or private dynamic. With a seaview, of course, referencing that this act is done in LA.

A metaphor for excess and suffocation – The imagery of choking juxtaposed with a sea view (something peaceful, luxurious, and desirable) could symbolize feeling overwhelmed despite being surrounded by beauty and privilege.

A commentary on LA culture – The idea of having everything—stunning views, wealth, luxury—but still feeling trapped or consumed by the lifestyle fits with the broader themes of escapism vs. reality in Harry’s House.

Toothache, bad move, just act normal

At first glance, "toothache" might seem completely random, but it actually lines up perfectly with a public event in Louis' life. In March 2021, Louis tweeted: "Hope everyone is alright! Had my wisdom teeth taken out recently, ruthless stuff! I'll be on in a few days, Sending you all love."

The timing aligns with when Harry’s House was being written and recorded, making it very possible that this small, seemingly insignificant detail stuck with Harry enough to include it.

Then comes "bad move, just act normal." "Bad move" could refer to the pain or regret of getting his wisdom teeth out, but in the broader context of the song, it likely represents a larger mistake—something personal, perhaps even within their relationship. "Just act normal" is particularly interesting because it echoes a recurring theme in their history: pretending everything is fine, keeping up appearances, suppressing emotions. Whether it’s about stunts, PR relationships, or simply navigating their personal struggles in the public eye, this line suggests that instead of addressing things, the go-to response is to stay quiet, keep moving, and act like nothing’s wrong.

Moka pot Monday, it's all good

"Moka pot Monday"—a completely ordinary day, where they buy a moka pot and make coffee. "It's all good"—a moment of simple joy amidst all the noise. This contrast is so intentional—Harry is showing that, yes, there’s pain, mistakes, and the constant need to suppress emotions… but then there’s just a quiet Monday where they get a moka pot, and for a moment, everything feels okay. It perfectly encapsulates the theme of Keep Driving: the world is messy, the past is complicated, but instead of dwelling on it, they focus on the small, beautiful moments that make it all worth it.

Final Thoughts

"Keep Driving" is one of the most intimate and revealing tracks on Harry’s House. It doesn’t tell a linear story—instead, it feels like flipping through a scrapbook of memories, a mix of everyday moments and lingering anxieties. At its core, the song is about love, domesticity, and escapism—but not just in a romanticized way. There’s a deliberate tension woven throughout the lyrics, a sense that things aren’t perfect, but instead of stopping to fix them, they choose to keep going.

Harry has spent his solo career carefully navigating his public image, giving just enough for people to speculate but never confirming anything outright. But Keep Driving feels different—like a song written for someone who already knows exactly what it means. Harry is not subtle in this song. While much of his music is poetic and open to interpretation, Keep Driving is filled with strikingly specific details that seem impossible to ignore.

Beyond just Harry’s personal story, Keep Driving speaks to a universal experience—the feeling of wanting to block out the chaos of the world and just focus on someone you love. The juxtaposition of political turmoil ("Riot America") with quiet, intimate moments ("Moka pot Monday") mirrors the way people cope with uncertainty. The world is falling apart, but maybe if you just keep driving, keep moving forward, keep focusing on the small joys, it’ll be okay.

That’s why this song resonates so deeply—it isn’t just about who it’s about, but what it’s about: Love that persists despite challenges, Avoiding confrontation, choosing escapism instead, Finding comfort in small, mundane moments.

Keep Driving is a song that looks simple on the surface but becomes more profound the deeper you dig. It’s a love song, yes, but it’s also a song about choosing to keep going, even when things aren’t perfect. For Harry, it might be his way of documenting a love that has spanned years, survived hardships, and still exists in quiet moments like pancakes for two and moka pot Mondays. For listeners, it’s a reminder that sometimes, you don’t have to have all the answers. Sometimes, you just keep driving.

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Learn the Hard Way 1

Warnings: non/dubcon, power dynamic, age gap, and other dark elements. My username actually says you never asked for any of this.

My warnings are not exhaustive but be aware this is a dark fic and may include potentially triggering topics. Please use your common sense when consuming content. I am not responsible for your decisions.

Characters: Lloyd Hansen, Nick Fowler (Professor AU)

Summary: you return to campus is less than glorious.

Part of the Bad Professors AU

Note: Please leave some feedback and reblog <3 As always, I love to chat with you all. 

“It’s a nice place,” you say as you keep a grip on your duffel bag. 

You took a big chance trusting in the online posting. Furnished and a decent price. Your innate cynicism told you it couldn’t be true and yet your dire financial straits convinced you to take the risk. Even if it turned out to be a mattress in a dingy basement, you would make it work. 

Yet, your pessimism makes the reality even more of a relief. The apartment is just like it was listed in the virtual walk through. And it’s all yours at such a good rate. 

“Got everything you need,” the man explains as he pulls out a tube of lip balm. “And if it doesn’t, you have my number.” 

“Sure, uh, I don’t think I should,” you shrug. 

You peek over at him again. He seems every measure the slimy landlord, mustache included. Designer polo, loafers without socks, tight pants, thought his jacket does give a slightly refined touch to the whole aesthetic. 

“Rules. No parties. You can have some girlfriends over for a little pillow fight now and again but I don’t want a rager. This shit’s too nice for that,” he warns. 

“Right,” you agree, ignoring his strange comment. “I don’t think I’ll be throwing any parties.” 

“Good,” he tuts. “Well, I got shit to do. Class in an hour.” 

He checks his watch and you give him a curious look, “you’re a student too?” 

“Fuck off,” he chirps as he tweaks a brow. “Professor.” 

“Professor. Wait, so isn’t this like a shit, what’s it called, ah, conflict of interest?” 

“What are you? A law student?” He snaps. 

“Photography, actually.” 

“Oh, so you like to throw your money away. That’s good to hear,” he chortles. You frown at the insult. “And now it’s not a goddamn conflict. It’s off campus and you just happen to be a poor student. It’s fucking fine or do you wanna go find something else? Half your monthly to break the lease.” 

“Shit, no, I mean, no. No, it’s cool. I was just... as long as it doesn’t affect me, that’s fine. It’s smart. I mean, if I had money, I’d do some investing too.”  

His eyes dart towards you sharply, “whatever, stop wasting my time.” 

“Sorry, uh, well, thanks, Lloyd.” 

He winces and tilts his head, “I think I prefer professor.” 

“But you’re not mine--” 

“Look, I don’t like you uppity girls gettin’ fun with me. You think I don’t got tail wiggling at me for a higher GPA every goddamn day.” He clucks and straightens his coat, spinning on his heel, “tell your boys not to flush their rubbers.” 

He struts through the door and it snaps shut behind him. You look down at the keys in your hand and cringe. It’s not exactly the best start but you won’t bother him again. This place is perfect. 

You bring your bag into the living room and drop it on the couch. A couch! A chair, dining table, a separate bedroom, and a nice kitchen... you even have a stacked laundry set-up. Shit, feels like you’re robbing the guy. It’s almost too good to be true. 

You pace around for a while before you start to unpack. You didn’t bring much. You’re a person of very little means. You worked two catering jobs in the summer just to get tuition and the whole housing spike on campus had you worried it was all for not. 

Hey, it all turned out. You’ll never trust fate, but fuck dammit, it can be kind when it wants to. 

You head out shortly after, restless, and find the bus stop. Tuition includes a bus pass but you need to go to the Student Support Center to get your card reactivated for the term. You spend the change and weave your way around campus. 

The wait for the simple swipe of your card and a few keys tapped, is far too long. But now you have your transit pass and your meal plan. You’ll hit the cafeteria and hope that they have hiked the cost of a tuna sandwich with the rent. 

The prices may not have gone up but you’re not sure the quality is what it was. You examine the thin prepackaged sandwiches. You’re suddenly not as hungry. You can get a noodle plate and split it between today and tomorrow. A coffee is always cheap too. 

You get your container of pad thai and stop to peruse the self-serve karafes of coffee. Irish Cream, blech. You opt for the caramel sundae flavour. You get maybe two drops and it bottoms out. What the hell? 

“Piss,” you mutter. 

Whatever, you’ll just have some medium roast. You move over to press your cup to the lever and hit someone else’s hand. You recoil, “fuck, shit, sorry.” 

The man grunts and fills his cup. He’s older. Likely a professor judging by the blazer. He watches the slow drip and you do too. You just want a coffee. You wait and as he finishes, you step up to claim your cup. The karafe runs out at the half line of the cup. 

“What the shit?” You huff. “I swear to fuck--” 

“Eloquent,” he remarks as he takes a lid from the stack. 

“Huh?” You look over at him. “Oh, you can hear me? I thought that was my inside voice.” 

He narrows his eyes and shakes his head. He snaps the lid on his cup and takes it. You get no response but the roiling judgment rising off of his rigid posture. 

You top off your cup with the dark roast. Maybe you should let the staff know the coffee is almost out. You go to join the line for the cashier and find yourself facing the back of the man’s blazer. 

He pays and you move up to tap your student card. You thank the cashier and head off, the smell of the noodles stoking your hunger. Mmm, you can’t wait to dig-- 

You collide with something and your coffee bursts and pours over your hand. You look up to find the splatter of mixed brews across dark blue fabric. You squeak as the liquid scalds your hand. 

“Fuck, I’m so fucking sorry, dude,” you say as the same man snarls and turns stiffly on his heel. 

He looks down at you with his icy eyes. You tremble as they’re harsh enough to cool the heat of the spill dripping from your hand. You give a sheepish smile. 

“Hi again,” you murmur. 

He shakes his head and reaches to feel the back of his jacket. He takes a deep breath, a tick in his jaw. “I can clean this, can you clean up that gutter you call a mouth?” 

He doesn’t wait for your answer. You suppose it’s rhetorical and well-earned. You did just dump coffee down his back. 

[black00olive]

Ready for Racing

A/N: Woah,,,, this silly guy is posting something again?? That's crazy,,,, Anyway this was just a small drabble I wanted to create for the art piece you see in the header. I have another post for the full art and you can also check it out on my twt (@black00olive yes it's the same username). This one is especially self-indulgent since Neige is the absolute loml but I'm bland enough that I thought others might enjoy the scenario as well.

Pairing: Neige Leblanche x reader

Wordcount: ~2k words

Summary: NRC and RSA have entered a racing event, and now it's aparently your job to take all of the promotional photos for the participants in place of the paparazzi. At least this gives you the chance to talk with Neige...

“Alright, I’m done. What do you think?” You take out the photo from the Ghost camera and give it to Riddle. 

“This is wonderful,” he muses before giving it back with a smile, “you’ve truly become very adept at photography, haven’t you?”

“Haha, I guess so,” you shrug as you place the photo into your binder before stuffing the whole thing back in your bag. There should only be about three more photos to be taken before you’ve finished your job here. “I mean, that was the natural progression, wasn’t it? Considering how I’ve practically become the school photographer. It would be kind of sad if I hadn’t improved at all during these past few years.”

That forces a laugh out of Riddle as he nods, “Yes, I suppose it would be so.”

“Welp,” you say suddenly as you dust your hands off– even though you really hadn’t done anything to warrant the motion– and turn back toward Riddle, “I guess I should get going to the next person so I can finish this before the actual event starts. Hope you do well during the race. See you later, Riddle.”

“No need to hope, you should know I never do anything less than perfect, Prefect,” he smirks as he waves you off. You roll your eyes which contrasts the way you snort before shaking your head and turning on your phone. Scrolling through your checklist of participants you need to take photos of, you check Riddle off of the list. You read out the next person’s name, and as you do you hear the exact same name being exclaimed not too far away. Which isn’t very surprising, considering who it is.

“Neige Leblanche!”

“Neige Leblanche, look over here!”

“Can we get a statement before the race begins, Neige Leblanche?!”

A horde of paparazzi have gathered around him as different cameras and microphones are all being shoved in his face. Somehow, Neige still manages to have a gentle smile on his face as all of this transpires– a clear show of his media training which would have impressed you if you weren’t so preoccupied with wondering how they all managed to get in. There was a reason you had to do all of the photo taking today, that reason being so they could still get photos without having to have paparazzi this close to the students. 

Something that would never cease to surprise you is how similar paparazzi act both in your world and in Twisted Wonderland. That wasn’t a good thing though, especially considering the status’ many of the students participating in this race held. 

“One more question, Neige! The race hasn't started yet, so you must have some time!”

Another reason they didn’t want paparazzi here was just because of this as well: They would take up all of the participants' preparation time. Sighing, you begin walking over to Neige and the horde of paparazzi surrounding him.

“How do you feel your chances are against Vil Schöenheit and Crown Prince Malleus Draconia?”

“Excuse me, Neige is actually needed elsewhere right now,” you suddenly interrupt as you grab Neige and place him behind you, “in any case, I’m fairly sure you aren’t allowed in here. You should leave before I call security.”

The paparazzi stutter as they try to make up excuses, you just ignore them as you grab Neige’s wrist to lead him away. You walk away, while doing so you take out your phone and type out a quick message to Crowley as you glance back. Thankfully your warning was enough for most of them to grab their things and leave, but you still sent the message just to be safe.

“Alright, we should be far away now. Sorry for just grabbing you like that,” you say as you let go of his wrist.

“Oh, no! It’s alright, I should thank you for getting me out of that situation,” he responds with a thankful smile before suddenly remembering something, “right! You said I was needed somewhere?”

You give him a funny look before remembering that you actually had made up something like that while you were talking to the paparazzi. “Huh, yeah, no. That was just something I made up to get you out of there,” you shrug as Neige’s eyes widen before bursting out into giggles. 

“Haha! Oh, I see,” his eyes crinckle in the corners as he smiles at you, “I suppose thanks are due then?”

“Pfft, no, it’s okay. I’m staff right now, so it’s technically just part of my noble duty,” you wave him off with a smirk, “plus, if I hadn’t chased them away they would have ended up bothering the rest of the participants anyway, you know?”

Neige plays along with amusement coating his voice, “Right, right, of course. What would we do without you, O’Noble Knight in confrontational armour?” The two of you stare at each other for a moment before both bursting out in laughter. 

“Okay, yeah… I did drag you away… for some less noble… reasons as well,” you say between your attempts at stifling your laughter. “Ah, truly? I would have never been able to guess,” Neige muses before you continue. “Those reasons being that it’s your turn to get your photos taken.”

That causes Neige’s eyes to widen again as if he had forgotten about it, “Oh right, we are getting our photos taken by you,” which he evidently had.

“Yeah, I am. C’mon, let’s go to your car so I can take them,” you motion toward where the RSA participants have their cars stored.

“Neige, you’re back!” Dominic exclaims as he looks up from where he was messing with the wheels of the car. “Those people didn’t bother you too much, did they?”

“No, I’m fine! They were just asking questions,” Neige tries to placate as Dominic fusses over him.

“I swear, those guys can never just mind their own business! Always bothering us…” Grum grumbles as he glares at nothing in particular. “You should just yell at them to leave you alone!” He eventually exclaims which causes Neige’s smile to drop a little.

“Grum! You know why Neige can’t do that!” Dominic chastises as Neige simply just laughs a little half-heartedly. 

You get Grum’s sentiment, it’s why you had spoken out in place of Neige earlier. At first you hadn’t really understood it, but after spending more time with him you had finally come to understand how fragile Neige’s image really was in the media. Ever since he was a kid Neige had been in the spotlight, always in the pure, sweet hero role, and that’s the role he had been forced to take in real life as well. If he were to ever break that mold he was placed in he would have hell to deal with.

“Well, are you guys done with fixing the car? Neige is going to get his photo taken now,” you interrupt the heavy silence that had taken over the conversation while holding up the ghost camera. Neige sends a grateful smile in your direction before Dominic answers.

“Oh, Prefect! Yeah, we are,” Dominic nods as he begins to push Grum away, “we’ll get out of your way so you can take his photos!”

You thank him as you take off your bag and get into position. Neige tilts his head and looks at you before you tell him to sit on the ground, leaning on the car's side. Thanks to having already taken more than a dozen photos already you had been able to try a ton of different positions, which resulted in you already having an idea for how you wanted Neige’s photo to look like. 

The session goes incredibly smoothly and before you realise it, you’ve already finished taking the one perfect photo that was needed– plus several more. As the last photo comes out of the ghost camera you don’t immediately give it to Neige to look at. It was probably the best out of all the photos, in your opinion of course. Really, it was no wonder Neige was so popular. Even overlooking his acting talent and just how kind he was, he was beautiful, gorgeous even. 

It was different from the beauty that Vil had– very different. Where Vil was a striking, eye-catching beauty, one that was meticulously curated and perfected, and even intimidating. Neige was a type of beauty that creeps up on you– in a way. He had the kind of beauty you might see as you walk down the street which causes you to look back and won’t leave your mind for the rest of the week. Welcoming, warm, and inviting, those were all words you would use to describe his beauty. In all the ways Vil was sharp and arresting, Neige was soft and charming. You never understood why Vil would compare himself to Neige when the two of them were both winning, just in two different categories.

“Prefect!” Neige’s voice suddenly brings you out of your thoughts as you bring your eyes away from the photo.

“Huh?”

“I’ve been calling you for a while now, what has you so zoned out?” He asks as he looks over at the photo you were holding. “Oh,” he squeaks before suddenly leaping away from you as if you had burned him.

“Haha, yeah, I was looking at your photo,” you say as you feel your cheeks heat up, “you really are gorgeous, but I’m sure you know that already.” You itch your nape as you bring your eyes back up towards his. Neige always had especially rosy cheeks but now they practically looked like two tomatoes were put in place of his cheeks.

“Well, it’s always nice to hear you say it… Not that I’m trying to fish for compliments or something! I’m just saying that it’s always nice to hear compliments, you know? I’m not trying to be egotistical or something, ‘cause like, I know I’m quite pretty, it’s just extra nice to hear someone you really like say something nice about you! Really like- because you’re my friend! You’re my friend so I really like you and like when you say nice things… Eugh…” Neige exclaims as he flails his hands around, talking so fast someone might have genuinely thought he took up rapping. Eventually he resolves into mumbling before covering his face with his hands and groaning. 

You can’t help but laugh as you half-heartedly cover your smile with your fist. This only causes Neige to glare at you– albeit it’s a glare with no heat behind it– as he gives you a light shove. “It’s okay, Neige, I get what you mean. Anyway, that should be everything, I should go to the next person now. Only two more and I’m free,”  you chuckle as you finish placing all of the photos into your binder. Your eyes find their way back to Neige’s and you feel your cheeks heat up again. 

“I suppose you should… Well! Thank you for helping me earlier, and for taking such lovely pictures of me,” Neige says as he suddenly averts your eyes with a small smile. 

“Right…” You continue to stare at him, neither of you making any move to leave, before impulsions suddenly take over you and you find yourself brushing back his bangs– even though there was no need for it. With wide eyes Neige looks back at you and you let your hand rest on his shoulder. You squeeze lightly as if it would be enough to convey your message before you begin: “I’ll see you later, yeah?” 

With his face being a slightly more reddish hue he nods and agrees: “Yeah.”

“Mhm, well… Good luck on the race then, I’ll be cheering you on,” you remove your hand from his shoulder as you smile at him. A little awkwardly he nods at you and you nod back before you find yourself on your way to find the next participant you need to take a photo of.