#my partner's surgery is on wednesday

[dailyastarionpics]

[synonymroll648]

i am thinking transgender thoughts

me when i realized this morning my weeklong ban from binding was over

[vaspider]

Tonight, the night before Election Day 2024 in the US, I am thinking about my stepkid.

I am thinking about the phone call they made to us earlier this year, the one where they told us they'd gone to the hospital thinking they had appendicitis and found out, instead, that a zygote - a tiny splodge of cells - had taken up residence not in their uterus but in a fallopian tube. The one where our kid said they were waiting for their partner to arrive, hoped that said partner would get there before the docs took our kid back to terminate that pregnancy, & assured us that they'd be okay.

After all, our kid lives in a state with choice measures embedded in state law. That pea-sized blot of tissue doesn't have more right to their health than they do. Nobody is standing between them and their doctors. They made a decision, and that was that.

In this tiny tragedy, the kind that plays out dozens of times a day at minimum across the country, we only had to worry about the small risk of surgery complications. We didn't have to worry about Ken Paxton threatening to charge their doctors with felonies. We didn't have to think, "What if the hospital's legal team doesn't think an ectopic pregnancy - which is never ever viable and must be terminated before it kills our kid - is really that big of a deal?" We didn't have to worry that they live in a state where ob-gyns are fleeing, leaving few experts behind, as has happened in Idaho.

We didn't have to watch our kid vomit up black blood before dying the day after their baby shower the way Neveah's mom did. We didn't have to pray in a waiting room (while doctors took our kid apart until their heart stopped because the doctors waited too long out of fear of anti-choice laws) until a doctor came to tell us we'd have to bury them the way that Amber's mom did. We aren't having to pick up our lives after fully treatable miscarriage-related sepsis took them from us the way that Josseli's husband and daughter must.

I could go on for far, far too long.

Listen. If you are a single-issue non-voter and have already decided that "both parties are the same" or whatever other thing you've told yourself so you can sleep at night, smug and secure, then I can't reach you and I can't help you. But if you genuinely think that your votes don't matter, if you're just suffering from a bout of overwhelm or apathy, if you're too young to remember the 2000 election and can't see that Dobbs is a direct result of that election and every one that's followed, please, I am fucking begging you.

I didn't really talk about this when it happened. I mentioned something briefly, maybe. The posts I've started writing about it are still in my drafts. It was too fresh, too frightening. It's not any less frightening now, honestly - because if this week doesn't end with President Kamala Harris, we're headed for a national abortion ban, at the minimum - but it's not about how fucking frightened I was or how sad and bewildered I was to realize that my kid was going through this crisis in a nation more hostile to them than when I needed a D&C for an abortion at 21, in 1998.

It's about stopping this chapter of this fucking bullshit and at least finding some new fucking bullshit.

Vote, dammit.

Do the other work on Wednesday. Tomorrow, the work is to vote.

[cierraonline]

Missing the podcast real baddddd

EP 1 - No Mean Girl References! Does Billie Like Her Gf's Family? Kimora Has Short Term Memory! You Are The Asshole!

Chapter one : podcast episode #1

Warning: none

Masterlist | next chapter

"Hey you!" Kimora points to the camera, "Were you bored scrolling on TikTok, ended up on YouTube, and realized you have a 'TikTok bird ass brain' that can’t focus on one thing for more than ten seconds? Did you see this thumbnail and think, 'Oh, there’s that Kardashian girl; let’s stare at her face for ten minutes and theorize what plastic surgery she's had'? If so, you’ve come to the right place." Kimora stands straight, looking at the camera with a smile, giving her best five-star hospitality attitude. "Hi, I’m Kimora West, daughter of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West—but you may know them as ‘Culture Vulture Gold Digger’ and ‘That once-good producer before he went... you know, crazy.' I now have a podcast with my girlfriend of four years, Billie Eilish." Billie slides into view and does jazz hands.

"Hi, I’m Billie Eilish, singer, songwriter, and more importantly, her girlfriend," the now-brunette says her short n' sweet line.

"We hope you guys enjoy," Kimora smiles, tilting her head to the side. "Or don’t—we still get paid either way, thanks to YouTube."

XXX

"Sup,kisses and hugs! It’s Kimora, and today is Wednesday, so of course, we’re wearing pink," Kimora says, showing off her baby pink tee and hot pink textured sweatpants. "And over there we have Janis..." The camera slowly slides to the right, revealing Billie in an oversized black shirt and oversized jean jorts.

"Billie," Billie smiles, then turns to her girlfriend. "I thought we agreed on no 'Mean Girls' references."

"Asking me not to make 'Mean Girls' references is like asking me not to be me," Kimora states, before looking back at the camera. "First on the list, a fan question for Billie. Billie, your fan, billiecanslutmeout, wants to know: ‘Do you like the Kardashian family outside of Kimora?'"

"Skip," Billie shakes her head, not wanting to answer because she feels it’s confrontational and doesn’t want to risk upsetting her partner or attracting hate from the 'Kar-Jenner' fanbase.

"Nope," Kimora emphasizes the last syllable. "Answer."

"We’ve talked about this before," Billie begins, but Kimora cuts her off, giving a direct answer.

"She doesn’t like them and is currently in her head trying to find a way to sugarcoat it."

"I didn’t say that," Billie throws her head back, laughing.

"You literally made a song about it—'Overheated,'" Kimora squints her eyes.

"I... I love you and every luxury pink baggage that comes with you. I have love for your family because you’re a product of them. And you are my favorite person in the whole world," Billie says sincerely. "But as someone who promotes body positivity, I don’t support the negative body-image messaging that is part of your family's brand, and there's the constant need for relevancy and exposure, which I’ve developed my own opinions on from behind-the-scenes stories you’ve told me about filming for the TV show."

"Smart answer," Kimora nods. "Now, what about my dad?"

"I honestly think your dad hates me," Billie shakes her head.

"He doesn’t hate you," Kimora insists, knowing deep down that her father actually appreciates Billie’s positive influence on her.

"He literally posted on Instagram that if I didn’t apologize to Travis Scott, he’d cancel his Coachella performance, which led his fans to flood my accounts with hate. I never even mentioned Travis—I was just helping a fan at my concert!" Billie exclaims, eyes wide.

"Yeah, he did do that," Kimora nods awkwardly, acknowledging that her father had actually done it without provocation, putting both girls in a difficult position. For Billie, it was a choice between saying what she truly felt and risking being bullied off the internet by his fans—or staying silent to avoid hurting Kimora. For Kimora, it was about deciding who would get hurt: Billie or her father. "Sorry."

"It was hurtful, but I think you handled it well, especially since it happened in our first year of really being together," Billie reassured her. "Like, as soon as you found out what was going on, you called me while you were driving over with my favorite food to make sure I was okay and could sleep that night."

"I just didn’t want you to feel like…like you and your mental health weren’t a priority for me," Kimora struggled with her words, trying to explain her motivations. "Because I know how my dad can get, and at the time, he’d been spiraling for a few days already. So for me, you were the top priority on my list. I didn’t want to just do nothing and make it seem like his actions were acceptable—because they weren't. I-I-I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wanted you to know I’d be there for you, even if it meant going against my family."

"Yeah," Billie smiled at her with ocean-clear blue eyes meeting warm chocolate brown, speckled with caramel, filled with love and adoration. "Even though we didn’t say it out loud at that time, that was one of those moments when I knew I was in love with you. You stayed with me that whole week, making sure I was okay and taken care of…and even called your dad to apologize to me and ask him to take down the post."

“Aww, you loved me only three weeks in?” Kimora gushed, leaning forward to offer a kiss. Billie smiled and leaned in as well, their breaths mingling in the close space between them. Gently, Billie lifted her left hand, tucking a stray strand of hair behind Kimora’s ear before tracing her fingers softly along Kimora’s cheek, savoring the velvet-like feel of her skin. With a delicate motion, she moved her fingers from cheek to chin, then closed the distance and softly pressed her lips to her girlfriend’s.

“I love you,” Billie whispered, her eyes still closed, their faces barely a centimeter apart.

“I love you, too,” Kimora replied with a smile, then leaned in for one more tender kiss.

"Do you remember how we met?" Billie asks after the ad, now reclined on the couch with Kimora laying across her, leg draped over her waist.

"We met through a reference from Justin, because he would always say we absolutely had to meet. Hailey was like, 'You two would be perfect for each other if you were to date, because you're opposites with a cohesive middle ground,'" Kimora recalls, remembering her conversation with the Biebers. They were very persistent about wanting the two young, popular stars to either befriend each other—or, in some cases, get married immediately.

"So when did we officially meet?" Billie smiles, playing with Kimora's curls.

"In the Met Gala bathroom," Kimora answers with a smile. "I was coming out of the stall, and you were staring at yourself deeply in the mirror. I told you, 'You don’t have to worry about your appearance anymore. By now, everyone is probably drunk off their rockers because the food sucks, so you could be butt naked and no one would even notice.'"

"I’m surprised you remember that," Billie kisses her forehead. "You’re terrible at remembering things."

"No, I’m not," Kimora pouts, playfully slapping Billie’s thigh.

"You literally forgot we were filming today and almost went to work, even though you scheduled the day off," Billie laughs.

"I have a good memory," Kimora insists. "I’m just busy with the new Skims launch, aka Skims by Kimora." Kimora sits up, looking directly at the camera. "Get your favorite new set for 40% off with code 'GirlsInPink,' no purchase minimum."

"During lockdown, we got hooked on Reddit’s 'Am I the Asshole' stories," Billie smiles, back in their original positions on the burnt orange velvet couch.

"I don’t have blood pressure issues, but these stories drive me nuts. Like, why even ask if you're the asshole when it’s so obvious?" Kimora frowns. "For our first Reddit submission, please welcome Georgina!" Billie holds up a pink square remote, and clapping noises fill the room.

"Heyyy!" Kimora pouts at the remote in Billie’s hand. "I was supposed to be Sam in this podcast."

"Well, now you’re Carly," Billie teases, sticking out her tongue.

"No fair," Kimora crosses her arms, playfully sulking.

"You’re acting like a baby," Billie rolls her eyes with a grin.

"Ok, and?" Kimora glared. "If anything, I'm a cute baby..." She turned her head away from her girlfriend and looked to the right, making eye contact with her best friend, Georgina Miller.

"Alright, first Reddit submission is...‘I am a mother of five, 3 bio-Brooke 22, Will 18 and Iris 16 and 2 bonus sons-Sam 26 and Jack 23. All of my kids are currently living at home with me and my husband for various reasons. Sam's girlfriend Tori 21 and Will's girlfriend Mary 18 also lives with us full time, and Jack GF stays over a lot.

We have a pretty good relationship with all the kids, we don't charge them rent but everyone contribute to the household. We have a couple basic rules-input on utilities, maintain the common areas, etc but one of the rules is no babies, we don't expect our kids to celibate. But we do expect them to be careful.

On Friday, I found a receipt and saw someone brought a pregnancy test. I immediately took a picture of the receipt and put in the family group chat, I figured the culprit would out themselves. No one confessed, so I said that all girls that live in or visited are taking a pregnancy test because I suspect someone is pregnant. They pretty much lost their minds and told me no and messaged that I was being weird and invasive.

That is when I got upset and said that if anyone refused a test, they would have to move out. Everyone freaked out and told me that I'm being emotional and crazy. They decide no one would take a test. I think they assume I will not kick everyone out, but I will because I feel like I'm being gaslit. My youngest Iris is the only one I don't suspect because she is gay, not openly, but I know. I have 

given everyone the entire weekend to calm down because everyone has been avoiding me and giving me the cold shoulder. I have tried to discuss the situation repeatedly but I have been ignored in person and over phone.

At this point, I am ready to evict everyone because someone is blatantly lying and all of the others are backing a lie while living stress free in my house. My husband thinks I should let it go for now because the test might have been negative and if someone is pregnant we will know soon. But I feel it a larger issue now of my kids disrespecting me by lying to me. Am I being the asshole?”

“Yes,” Billie answered right when Georgina was done with reading the submission. 

“You’re not an asshole… but you are,” Kimora answers. “I can see the problem from both points of view.”

“Same, but I think what makes her an asshole is how she’s handling the situation now that she didn’t get the answers she wanted,” Billie explains why she thinks the writer is indeed an asshole.

“Yeah,” Kimora agrees. “Like, I get it, you’re upset because your boundaries were stepped on, and that’s unfair to you. But at the same time, you can’t force someone to take a pregnancy test just because you want answers right now.”

“Exactly. Even though it was negative, that person probably needed time to think and process the results. They could’ve been reevaluating what to do better to prevent another scare,” Billie adds.

“Oh my God!” A thought hits Kimora's brain full force. “I have another day off—remind me to register to vote.”

“Baby,” Billie looks at her with concern. “You registered last week at the same time as me when my mom was doing hers and asked if we wanted to come do ours.”

“Ohhh.”

“We’re gonna work on your memory, don’t worry,” Billie rubs Kimora’s thigh with sincerity.

“Anyways,” Kimora brushes off the awkward moment. “At the end of the day, you own the house, and if you feel gaslit and your boundaries were crossed, then kick them out, I guess. Just be prepared for the consequences that come with that action. Because at the end of the day… you literally said you don’t care if your kids are having sex, as long as they’re protected. And the pregnancy test was negative. I just feel like you can be protected and still have scares. I mean, Billie and I use a fake penis, and we still get scares. It comes with the territory.”

“They didn’t need to know that!” Billie looks at Kimora with wide eyes, shocked by her girlfriend’s impulsive thoughts.

“They were probably already thinking it,” Kimora shrugs. “You’ve literally done an interview talking about masturbation. Me saying we use a dildo isn’t anything new or shocking.”

“Just end the video,” Billie covers her face with her hands in embarrassment. “Now, please.”

“Hi, it’s me again,” Kimora awkwardly waves her hand. “Did your TikTok bird ass brain develop and actually let you stay to watch the whole video? Did you like what you saw or heard… or both, for the privileged? If you nodded your head yes or weirdly answered talking to a screen, then you should subscribe to this channel. We update every Wednesday and Saturday, so don’t worry if you don’t have actual friends to hang out with. Instead, come watch me and my girlfriend, Billie, talk about useless shit, vent, and argue about things we’ve done in the past with a couple of inappropriate touches that you shouldn’t be seeing, but our editor is too blind and lazy to take out. We love you, Lisa,” Kimora shouts out her editor at the end. “Bye!”

taglist @billiesrighthand @bilswildflower @bilsluckyheart @billiesgoodgirll @billsvip @billieshrry @dandelions4us @factsbybriggs @rhearipley-69 @cierraonline @amberg1998 @crystalblue88 @mercurylvd @saffsblog @ihavenoideayimhere @umadirectioner @harajukub4rb1e @sun81rise @jamiemundy7773 @cyberdreamlanddeer @steampunkprincess147 @zendayasredbottoms @efemerous @lady0ftheflowers

[sightoru]

my personal timeline for sterilization: April 4th: consultation. you sit in a room with the doctor. you tell them you want a BISALP. she says 'okay but I have to talk to you about other birth control options and regret' my doctor personally was all for me getting sterilized, but legally she had to go over the procedures. she wasn't trying to talk me out of it at all, she just legally had to tell me. she approved me that day, appointment took maybe 30 mins.

April 5th: call from surgery center to schedule my surgery. in some states there's a 30 day wait minimum to schedule, like mine. I opted to do mine in July anyways (worked out better for me time wise, my partner moved in in June, June is my bday etc etc) July 3rd: pre-op appointment. had to take blood. run some tests. only was there for like 45 mins. July 24th: surgery. was genuinely so easy. was wheeled in at 7:30. woken up at 9:30. I think the surgery itself only took an hour or so?

but yeah genuinely so fucking easy. easier than the cavity I need to get filled today. I took like two Tylenol the first day (Wednesday) and then one a day for the next two days. they fill u up with gas to make room in your abdomen and so that lingers in ur body and ngl that does suck but still the hardest thing about the surgery was going 2 days without nicotine before hand.

[fullmetalcarer]

You okay?

I am recovering nicely from bowel surgery (so glamorous) last Thursday - it was keyhole surgery so recovery is relatively quick. Wednesday evening I got stomach pains i can only describe as excruciating. My partner drove me to our nearest A&E (ER for my usamerican friends) and it all happened pretty quickly after that. Apparently a band of tissue was compressing my small bowel which is not good. There was a lot of throwing up (very bad) and a fair bit of morphine (most excellent). The NHS is in big trouble but they did right by me. Thank you for asking kind anon xxx

[dragonfirerogue-writes]

Hii! Is it okay if you do a Wednesday x Hanahaki disease!Reader? Where the reader is hanging out with Wednesday in her dorm, And she gets really worried when the reader suddenly coughs up a flower? Wednesday would try to ask the reader questions but the reader would just say that they are fine. Can you also make it angsty? You don't have to do this request if you don't want to! ^^

A/N: Oh, I want to. I really want to.

Wednesday x Reader

Part Two

You're laying on Wednesday's bed, listening to the clacking of her typewriter. While it's an old-fashioned method, you couldn't help but find the noise soothing. You understand the appeal of mechanical keyboards now. It almost pulls you to sleep.

A sudden coughing fit forces you up and now, you're doubled over, feeling as though you're about to hack up your own lung. Wednesday is at your side, unsure of how to help. When she places a hand on your shoulder, a final cough wracks your body and you hack up one singular petal. The both of you stare at the petal in your hand in surprise.

"Mi amor, are you all right? What's going on?"

You suddenly stand up, clenching the petal in your fist but offering your girlfriend a smile. "I'm fine. No idea where this came from. I'll check in with the nurse." You start to make your way out, but the goth stops you.

"What are you hiding from me?"

"Nothing. It's fine. I'm fine," you assure her. "I'll catch you tomorrow. Sorry for interrupting your writing hour." With that you run off, afraid of the implications.

You hadn't told anyone of your condition. No one knew of it. Not even Wednesday. You didn't want anyone to feel obligated to love you, or not want to try for fear of not being trusted. But love can't be helped. It can't be controlled. You knew and feared that. You even considered surgery to cure the disease. Even still, you figured that it was better to feel love than have it removed completely.

You just never expected your one love would fall out of love with you.

Wednesday was spending more and more time with her investigation on the monster terrorizing Jericho. You knew it was important and even assisted when she needed it. But something was taking her away from you. As the days passed by, your coughing became worse. Petals became flowers. Aches became pain.

It wasn't until you actually saw Wednesday interact with her normie friend, Tyler. You saw how he looked at her. How he mooned after her. More importantly, you saw how she acted with him. She was less prickly with him than with others. She let him get away with a lot of things that even you, her partner, couldn't.

The entire thing came to a head at the end of the investigation of the Gates House. On Wednesday's birthday, no less. You had tried to keep your coughing at bay, but by the time Sheriff Galpin arrived home while the goth was treating Tyler's wounds, you were nearly choking on flowers. So you raced out of the house, followed closely by Wednesday.

"Y/N! What has been going on with you!?" Wednesday catches your arm and you whirl around as a black dahlia falls out of your mouth.

"What's been going on with me? I've been watching my girlfriend fall in love with another person!"

The goth jerks back, startled. "What? That's nonsense."

You scoff, spitting out another petal. "No. It's true. These?" You point to the flowers coming out of your mouth. "This is proof."

"That is proof of nothing."

You let out a frustrated groan which resulted in several severe coughs. Flowers pile onto the floor as a result. With a heave, you glare at Wednesday. "This is proof I can't handle this anymore. I can't watch you drift away no matter how much I try to keep you close." You straighten up as best you can and look straight into Wednesday's eyes. Eyes that held no more love for you. "It's over. I sincerely hope you're content."

You turn and walk away, refusing to look back. Wednesday never reached out for you.

-----+++++-----

The surrounding woods were your only companions in the night. Your coughing was non-stop and you didn't want to disturb your dorm neighbors. In fact, you had a feeling the end was nearing. So you wrote a note, leaving it for whoever would arrive at your door next, and you left.

Your coughs became wheezes. You fall to your knees, hacking up flowers upon flowers. The pain was near unbearable. You clutch at your chest as a river of flowers fall from your mouth.

'This is it, huh?' You thought. 'What a way to die...''

You fall onto your back, wheezing. Flowers fall out of your mouth, no longer a result of coughs. Black edges your vision as the flowers fill your mouth.

'Even with all this... I still love you.'

Vision fades, breathing slows. You never thought death would be so quiet... Or so lonely.

-----+++++-----

Wednesday and Enid race through the woods. Your note was found by Wednesday when she sought after you. You were the first person she thought to find after finding out the real identity of the Hyde. The goth immediately recruited her roommate to find you, knowing the wolf's nose could sniff you out. Upon finding you, they race towards your still body.

"Y/N! Mi amor!" Wednesday cradles your head, the bouquet in your mouth shifting in the movement. "No. I will not lose you. I cannot lose you." She shakes you slightly.

"Wednesday..." Enid quietly calls. "I... I think they're..."

"NO! They can't leave me!" This was the most emotion Enid had ever seen from Wednesday. It would've been a momentous event if the circumstances weren't so grim. The goth girl hugs your body close, feeling the warmth seeping away from your body.

"Please don't leave me... I... I love you. Please, I love you."

You don't wake.

[mockingthepower]

Hey everyone, I never imagined I would be making a post like this but yesterday we had an unimaginable day. Our cat Lilo jumped out of the balcony chasing a bird and landed on the terrace four stories below. We immediately took her to the vet and they have now informed us that she has a broken leg that needs surgery which can only be performed until Wednesday. This is because she also had a collapsed lung and they are waiting for her to stabilise. She is now receiving constant oxygen and pain medicine for her leg which will cost about 500 to a 1000 dollars each day. Additionally to that the surgery will cost about 4,000 dollars. We have already paid the initial 500 dollars for her stay today but we are very quickly running through our money. My partner and I are just unable to pay as I am still a student and our families live abroad.

[dark-elf-writes]

Hi! I’m quite bored right now and am in the mood for Gossip. So if your agreeable I’d like to ask you + your followers some questions. You can answer one, none, all, or whichever ones you want.

1. What’s an unfortunate piece of knowledge that you have?

2. Does your family have any secrets you don’t mind sharing?

3. What’s the weirdest/funniest reason you’ve broken up with someone/someone’s broken up with you?

4. If you had to get any body modification, what would it be?

5. Is there any funny/dramatic event that happened in your friend group/ a friend group you know of?

6. Is there a story you’ve been wanting to share but haven’t had the chance to?

7. Whose the strangest person you know and how?

8. Is there any drama/event you haven’t been able to stop thinking about?

:D

Oooo this is fun let’s see

I have many but right now the only fun fact going through my head is that snakes have two dicks. I blame Dimension 20 and Hank Green for that being so readily available in my head and that I can’t think of anything else

Most of my family secrets are A Lot™️ and also very recognizable but for a tamer one? Not so much a secret as a weird tradition that makes no sense , my family does a “hunt” where you go run around in the woods looking for a fake creature as a right of passage for kids and people marrying in. It’s just a silly goofy thing that we don’t tell people about because it’s a surprise.

GOD I have so many breakup stories. The crowning achievement was one time I got broken up with because I was going to an anime convention that I told him about moths in advance and he didn’t want me “dressing like a slut for a bunch of nerds”. Jokes on him I had a great time and got laid by an incredibly attractive Deadpool cosplayer so like who was the real winner

Besides top surgery? I want pointy ears. I want to be an elf so bad. Let me be an elf.

So many. One of the stupider ones was beef over Sherlock. I don’t remember what it was about it was so long ago.

Oooo I have a lot of weird stories but I’ve shared a lot. Um. Might have told this one already but. One year when we had a snow storm on Halloween I was driving back from work when my car’s computer (how it was explained to me. Basically just the thing that tells the car it is running while it’s running) fried itself while I was driving. I pulled into a side road right Inc. don’t of a burger king with no power steering or anything and waited for my stepdad to come help. The problem? We had to push the car into the burger king parking lot and I was in five inch heels and a tiny Wednesday Addams dress with no coat. In 0 degree weather. We made it three steps before two massive “clearly works out on the nearby farms” looking guys jumped out of their F150 mid getting their food to help. I got several lectures about proper winter attire. The fact that I pulled out a massive Star Trek blanket from my backseat didn’t help for some reason. But I still picked that damn car in heels in snow and ice and deserve acknowledgment for that tbh.

Strange just by being kind of weird? Me. But if I’m not included there was a guy that worked with my dad that I called Scary Larry (he was probably not scary but he was over six feet tall and loud and I was a tiny undiagnosed neurodivergent child) he smoked three packs of cigarettes a day and the first house I ever broke into was his trailer when I was like eight when he and my dad boosted me through a window and I fell into a four foot tall wall of cassette tapes

Globally? No. Personally? Two people in my family have broken up with a partner they lived with, didn’t move out, and the ex’s new partner moved in with them in the worst roommate situation I can imagine. Two. Two separate people. I was baffled when it happened once!

[lemonbalmgirl]

Life is too much right now and probably will be for the next 2 weeks or so (but especially this next week).

Things going on:

Today: hanging out with an old friend from Witchblr while they're in town for the day.

Tonight: go to Mom's & finish helping clean out the old apartment and transfer leftover odds & ends to new apartment. This was supposed to be done by 5 pm today, but that won't be happening.

Tomorrow: design new buttons for Pride, get them ordered, and hope my amazing manufacturer can get them done quickly.

Tomorrow night: meet with new pet-sitting client

Wednesday: therapy appointment.

Wednesday: meet with booth-partner & event helper for lunch, both to catch up, talk event season, and chat about the event on Sunday.

Thursday: the usual - volunteer shift at the bookstore, donating plasma, & errands with Mom.

Friday: freaking out and trying to finish all my half-done products.

Saturday: probably more trying to finish projects, gathering all the vending stuff that's at my house, talking that and product to booth partner's, then spend night at Cute Girlfriend's place.

Sunday: vend at Pride Beaverton!

Monday: recover???

Tuesday: JOB INTERVIEW.

Nebulous & probably happening for the duration: stress about job interview, because it's perfect for my needs, but would also throw a LARGE wrench into eventing.

Mid-July: Cute Girlfriend is having surgery; if I get the job, I would be working during it AND Roommate will be out of town, so I wouldn't be able to stay over and help. (But she'll be staying with friends experienced in surgery recovery & I'll largely be responsible for keeping an eye on her cat.)

Probably other things I'm forgetting, but isn't there already enough on this list?!

[captain-aralias]

Life update

TL;DR - currently still pregnant at 21 weeks, baby is currently ok.

but spent the last 3 days in hospital, getting surgery to try and stop baby coming dangerously early. now back to being WORRIED ALL THE TIME.

if you want to read about that, i've written a post just to get it all out. it's quite bleak, even though we are hoping for the best.

triggers in the below: pregnancy, miscarriage, other death

so yes! it's been a weird week.

started really well - i started taking liquid iron and felt GREAT, shockingly good to the extent that i assumed it was a placebo effect and not actually my body. this is not relevant to the rest of the story, just that i was feeling really confident, not tired for the first time in ages, having a good time.

wednesday - i got a text from the NHS saying i had an appointment the next day. again, so confident was i feeling about pregnancy that my reaction was to be pissed off. no i didn't have an appointment, this was my week of no appointments!!! i was going to go into work for one of my mandatory two days in the office, wtf.

a physical letter arrived at my house a few hours after this and confirmed that i did indeed have an appointment i'd never heard of. the only information about what it was were the words 'obstetrics f/up.' eventually i realised f/up meant 'follow up', rather than 'fuck up', but i was still pretty much in the dark about what it would be.

but i went along anyway, rather than cancelling in a fit of pique because i HAPPENED to have the lunchtime of the next day free. i did not go into work.

the appointment turned out to be .... a scan, performed by a doctor rather than the normal sonographer. i actually had been told that they would try and book something like this at my.... obstetrics appointment, hence the name. the reason for booking in this appointment was that every time i go for a scan, baby is not willing to move around so it has been hard to get all the views that are necessary. and also i've had IVF.

again, i thought - this is probably a waste of time. i'm a low risk patient! i just have IVF because i'm queer, i'm actually dead good at pregnancy. but hey ho.

and indeed, first time doctor scanned me, baby refused to move. went outside, drank some water, she scanned someone else, i went back - they scanned me again. declared baby is fine! doesn't even have a short leg like we were worried about before, brill. but...

i seem to have a short cervix. that could cause early delivery. maybe we should scan me the other way to confirm. but she has to scan someone else first.

this is - as you may guess - where the story gets bad. although i didn't guess that yet. i thought - early delivery? no problem. you mean, like 2 weeks or something, cool. i've already booked my maternity leave to start 2 weeks early.

NO. it means - like, any time from now. even though baby will literally die if born now.

scan confirms that cervix is 1mm, instead of the 25mm+ that is usually no cause to worry.

doctor says - you need to go to labour ward now and probably get surgery, and stay over night.

i'm still living in cloud cuckoo land at this point, so my brain is like - stay over night? but i have one-time only dinner plans at fortnum and mason tonight (a true story, a gift from my partner's rich eccentric mother).

we go over to the labour ward - at which point, my brain starts to point out that this is not good. we're put in a birthing suite to wait for someone to come and talk to us. usually, i would be texting my friend who is also a resident of the same town and due to have her baby 2 weeks before me (OR MAYBE NOT) but i guess this is where it hits me that i might never get to the bit where we are in the birthing suite.

basically from this point onwards, i cried at least several times per day until saturday. midwives kept trying to comfort me. the next doctor they brought to talk to me and my partner (fortunately with me) basically acted like he was telling me i had terminal cancer (i do not have terminal cancer). he wanted me to know that the baby might still die even if we do the surgery, and also that doing the surgery might also break my waters, and then they'd recommend terminating as i'm only 21 weeks pregnant, and babies usually don't survive earlier than 24 weeks. even then - that's very premature.

there was some suggestion they might be able to do the surgery THAT DAY, but it didn't work out. so we were transferred to the antenatal ward, given a (different) private room, and my partner was sent home to get my stuff. she came back and stayed the night in the single bed - not as fun as the fanfic makes it look! particularly because even though we were off the main ward, we could still hear.... people in labour. and babies - like the one we might not have - crying. and beeping - lots of beepings.

also - one of my friends came to pick up my car, which i'd left on the street back when i thought that the appointment would be maximum 2 hours. i was vvv upset about the baby, but my brain wouldn't shut up about the car either. WHAT WAS GOING TO HAPPEN TO THE CAR. until it was gone, and then it was 100% baby panic.

monitoring of blood pressure and temperature too, so - should you get to sleep, you will definitely be woken at 2am and 6am. amazing.

cut to the next day - no food, little water. a bunch of drugs, no surgery until 3.30. surgery includes being completely numb from waist down, which is great (genuinely). as well as pain relief, this really decreases the humiliation of being in a room with 10 people all looking up your hospital gown while you can't control your bodily functions.

the surgeon had come in for like 5 minutes earlier and this is not an exaggeration of our conversation:

him: you're having this surgery, it had a 50% chance of failing to get you to full term even if we do put the stitch in successfully, sign this consent form please no offence lovely NHS, genuinely amazing throughout this whole situation, but this is the first time anyone had said 50% chance of failure.

me: [signs form, since has no choice really] him: any questions? me: er... him: [literally already out the door, genuinely did not wait for an answer] midwife [still there, apologetic] as you can see, they're very busy. if you have questions, best to write them down and just say them loudly when you get the chance

everyone else in the theatre was super nice. although also kept asking me about the baby i was convinced i might lose within the surgery (do you know the gender? what are you going to call him?). surgery went ok. very quick. did NOT lose the baby ... at that point. but couldn't stop crying as soon as i got out.

still numb for 6 hours. catheter horrible. spent 2 hours in the recovery ward - still no food allowed - under a weird inflatable blanket. wheeled back to the antenatal ward.

this time, we were on the main ward - although it was pretty quiet because they don't schedule people in for stuff on saturdays. just two women there - both waiting for emergency c-section the next day.

while i was glad neither were in labour, it was still super awkward and upsetting to be on the ward with them. sound carried really well, so we heard all their consultations, including a bit where one of them had to describe her previous history of pregnancy, which included having twins - one of whom DIED. omg. cue - another crying fit for self.

seriously - my overall feeling coming out of this was how amazing the NHS is, how amazing it was that the doctor caught my cervix the day before it opened fully during a random scan for something else (because my cervix was fully open during the surgery, 24 hours after the scan. vv bad) the midwives were so lovely, the nurses were so lovely. they gave me loads of great drugs too (progesterone - my old friend from IVF), which will hopefully keep contractions away, in addition to the stitch.

BUT.... it was pretty hellish to be incredibly emotional and stuck in hospital listening to this stuff for 2 days, unable to sleep. very very likely some of the worst days of my life so far.

i'm back home, as of yesterday, which is amazing. slept a full night, and i'm 2 days out of surgery. the symptoms of the surgery failing are all things that i am feeling right now - like.... pain. contractions (is this a contraction, or is this the baby moving??) and maybe your waters breaking, which could happen slowly so how do you know it's not happening RIGHT NOW.

so - basically, i am still not in a good place emotionally, even though we haven't lost the baby yet. i realised that as well as just.... the very fact of the possible death of a baby we have given a name to (we couldn't use the name again for another baby, could we?) ... i think i'm also in shock for the idea of the life i thought i was going to have this year. i've booked my maternity leave, i was getting into baby mode - starting to largely only want to read baby books, etc. thinking about buying the wrap-top from the advert i watch every time i go into hospital where you can put your baby inside the top and have them skin-to-skin.

and the idea of baby dying and then having to go back to work, my friend having her baby 2 weeks ahead of when i should have had mine... it's just awful. i want the baby, i want to go on maternity leave.

baby coming early but still within a viable window (so - hold on another 3+ weeks) doesn't worry me so much, though is worrying my partner in terms of possible developmental issues of pre-term children. i probably just can't conceptualise this, because my brain is thinking 'well, at least there would be a baby.'

so - that's where we are. doctors and internet both agree bedrest isn't really necessary or helpful, but i have my drugs + antibiotics. 22 weeks is on tuesday. 24 weeks (so viable but very premature baby) - 7th february.

if we make it through february, we'll be in the third trimester, and start to get some good rates of survival if baby comes early.

me to baby (proposed middle name: alexander) every few hours:

heard lots of stories of things being ok and people getting to full term (or close enough) from friends and midwives, one of the trainees literally said this had happened to her. this partly reassures me, and also makes me think - surely that means there must be a need for people to be in the BAD 60-40% to make up the statistics, and that could be me. (i know that's not how statistics works, it's how my brain works).

final doctor - a completely different person to any of the others in this story - told me i likely have a good chance because i have no history of cervical damage, to the extent that they aren't sure why this has happened to me. but the internet told me that it's less likely to be ok if the cervix opened (which mine did), so maybe.......

and maybe these pains are bad pains, rather than i was cut open pains. and maybe my water is breaking.........

in conclusion - i'll be a basketcase for the next few weeks, probably. and then possibly very sad. or possibly it will be some form of all right.

no need to respond to this post, if you got this far! in fact, i might prefer it - i turned off comments on my (much shorter) version of this on twitter as it's all too upsetting. but wanted to let people know, and also record for posterity while i felt a bit more with it/less sad.

likes are ok, even though obviously there's not much to like - except the NHS!! and my friend who took my car home.

this post is also why i probably won't do the 15 questions post that's going around, because it talks about 'when did you last cry' and children, even though we all know the answers to that now. i just don't want this shit in a normal happy meme post.

anyway - hope everyone else is having a nice weekend, and making and/or consuming good art <3

[the-delta-quadrant]

my dad got diagnosed with cancer on wednesday and needs surgery to remove one of his kidneys and i don't fucking know what to do with myself. it feels like i got that news 3 weeks ago and i'm literally just waiting for news that the hospital called and he can go in for surgery. and it doesn't fucking help that i'm in england and my family is in germany and it feels like i have to actively ask for every fucking update. i have my partner here so it's not like i'm alone but it fucking feels like i am.

[indigo-a-creeping]

Okay, I emailed the flight assistance people again, because I thought maybe they lost the one I sent over the weekend (which got an automatic out-of-office response). They said their flight partners have been out of the office, but assured me they'll get me set up.

That's a huge relief. Cutting it a little close, but they seem confident.

And Peri will be taken care of one way or another. With my new sewing desk in the living room, I can put cat dishes up there and on the dining room table so he can't reach them but both cats can still eat separately. Worst-case scenario (pretty likely honestly) they'll knock their food on the floor and he'll eat it... but it won't kill him and he'll be happy until he gets a tummy ache.

This morning I had my last physical therapy appointment for my foot. They did dry needling on me, which probably helped. Then they had me do things in socks after that, so of course I slipped off the balance bubble platform. I fell sitting on it, a very light landing, and nothing was wrong at all, but I do understand why they were all concerned. Anyway, my foot is not perfect but it's gotten much better than it was and I'll keep up some exercises on it.

Tomorrow I plan to go to the beach in the morning to walk into the ocean and do a little ritual pre-surgery. I was thinking of just taking a bra and throwing it in the trash can there (so as to avoid littering, but still casting this bit of my old life almost in the sea). I could do the same thing at the Pacific next week. My pre-op appointment is in the afternoon next Wednesday, and I'm planning to take the bus to the coast in the morning, walk into the ocean, maybe check out the bison on the way back, etc. ...Then hit up the nearest TJ's and stock up on easy meals, snacks, drinks, wipes, and dry shampoo. I bought a few Florida bags to give to the people there; crew members in other locations have always been thrilled at that.

Also I'm going to cut my hair. Probably today.

[just-an-english-guy]

Top Surgery/ Recovery Experience

I’m currently 3 days post-op from having peri with Mr Kneeshaw and his team in Hull so I thought I would write about my experience. This is everything that happened across the last 4 days from travelling up to Hull to surgery and my stay in the hospital to the journey back home. Apologies for weird layout, I’m on mobile.

I was scheduled for surgery on the 8th of March at 7:30am so my partner and I travelled up the day before by train and stayed in the Ibis near the station. We arrived at about 9:30pm as we left Cardiff at about 4pm due to me only being able to get a partial day of work. The train journey up wasn’t too bad, we had reserved seats that were close to each other (not always next to each other due to how busy it was but that was ok). We made sure to pack everything into one suitcase, one backpack and one small gym bag that was used as my overnight bag while in the hospital so that my partner could carry everything back on his own after surgery. As I wasn’t allowed to eat anything past midnight we stayed up pretty late to eat before going to bed. I was also rather anxious too so I wouldn’t have been able to sleep right away. Ive never had any kind of surgery before so I was worrying about what could happen and what it would feel like for a few days before which lead to several nights of not sleeping well.

On Wednesday we woke up at 6am, I had my final shower for a few weeks which I did take my time with and savour. It's only been 3 days so far and I already feel disgusting even though my partner has been helping me wash with baby wipes every morning since getting out of the hospital. Since my overnight bag had already been packed I didn’t need to do much in the morning except make sure my phone charger was added to it. In the end, I only ended up taking my dressing gown, slippers, a pair of joggers and a button shirt to wear as pyjamas and my phone charger. We left the hotel a little later than we had planned so we had to run to the bus station so that we would get the bus in time.

Hull does have a lot of buses that go to the hospital which is very good. We got on the 105 at 6:40 and we ended up getting to Entrance 2 of the hospital at about 7:10. We had to ask where ward 16 was at the main reception as the signs didn’t really make it clear but it wasn’t far and we arrived at the ward at about 7:20am.

Once we arrived they showed us to my room. They are all privet rooms with their own bathrooms which is very nice. While we waited for Mr Kneeshaw and his people to come to see us several nurses came around with things for me. They gave me a gown and a pair of compression stockings, and then someone came over with the evening meal menu for me to select what I wanted to eat in the evening. The food options were more extensive than I was expecting which was nice. Mr Kneeshaw came round shortly after to talk me through the procedure and to draw on me. We agreed on my nipples being in a slightly lower position than the average cis guy's nipples as my nipples sat kinda low anyway. I knew this would be happening when we discussed it in my initial consult back in August 2021 and I'm happy with it since it's not a big deal for them to be slightly lower than average to me. I then got changed into the gown and stockings and a nurse collected me from my room at 9am. They let me keep my own underwear on with the gown which I was thankful for. My partner left the hospital when I was taken down to the theatre as he wasn’t allowed to stay while I was in surgery. He got the bus from the hospital back to the hotel and waited for me to let him know I was awake.

When they took me down I had to sit in a little waiting area for a few minutes while they got my paperwork. After confirming my name, date of birth and allergies for the 10th time that morning they took me into the operating room. It was very cold there. I was in a thick fluffy dressing gown and I was still starting to shiver. They got me to lie on the table and gave me a warm blanket so that I wasn’t as cold. The people were all lovely and chatted with me as they got me prepped for surgery. They put a sticker on my glasses so that they knew they were mine before taking them off me. The anesthesiologist put the cannula into my hand which didn’t hurt that much but still wasn’t pleasant and then they gave me the oxygen mask and told me to take some deep breaths. Apparently, the anaesthetic was a multiple-part thing but I only saw the first part get put in as I was unconscious before the guy could even finish his sentence about what he was doing.

I woke up in recovery at 12:30 roughly, there was a clock on the wall in front of me so that was the first thing I saw. People are right when they say it doesn’t feel like any time had passed. It felt like I had blinked and, at that moment, had gone from the operating table to a bed in recovery. It was a little disorientating but since it had already been explained to me that’s what it would be like it didn’t take long for my brain to catch up. When I woke up I wasn’t in pain at all and I didn’t feel sick either, something they told me would likely be a possibility. I just felt a little sleepy. They took me back up to my room not long after I woke up and gave me my phone as I had left it on the bedside table. I text my partner to tell him I was awake and that he could come and see me now. Because of how far away we were staying and the bus times (it takes 40 minutes roughly for the bus to get from the bus/train station to the hospital) it took him about an hour and 15 minutes to actually arrive but that was ok because I knew he would be on his way so wasn’t worried. After texting him I called the nurse to help me get up to use the bathroom. As it was my first time standing after surgery she helped me get up off the bed and into the bathroom. I felt a little weird about having her there while I used the bathroom so I told her I would be fine on my own and she agreed to wait outside to help me back into bed after. It was difficult at first trying to sit down on the toilet since my legs felt really weak and I couldn’t put any pressure on my arms either to help lower myself. I got there eventually though and it was easier to get up after than it was to sit down. The nurse helped me back into bed and I slept for the remainder of the time before my partner arrived. About 5 minutes before he turned up a nurse came in to check my blood pressure, temperature and pulse rate so I was awake when he got there. Oh, I should mention that when I got up to use the bathroom they gave me two fabric bags to put the drains in and hang around my neck. These make walking around a lot easier.

Mr Kneeshaw and his team came to see me at about 4pm. He very briefly undid the post-op binder to check my chest was ok and he even quickly took a picture for me. I asked since I couldn’t get the angle myself to do it. After that, he put the binder back on tight and told me I couldn’t take it off at all now until my drains came out the next Friday. He said that everything went well with the surgery and looks good so left me to rest for the evening. Roughly every 2-3 hours someone would come in to check my blood pressure, pulse rate and temperature, this continued all the way through the night altho I didn’t mind too much as they were always polite about needing to wake me up.

After Kneeshaw had left, now that the binder was on slightly tighter than it previously had been I felt a little bit of pain down the centre of my chest. The nurses gave me paracetamol but told me I could have tramadol too if the pain got any worse. Luckily it didn’t and the paracetamol was all I needed. My partner stayed until about 6pm and then left so that we could both get some sleep. I spent the rest of the night in and out of sleep with the nurses coming in every few hours. At one point in the night, at about 1am I thought I could feel liquid dripping down both my sides so I called for someone to check I hadn’t dislodged a drain. I couldn’t feel any pain though but at the time I thought that was because whatever pain medication they gave me in the operating room was still in my system. Two nurses came to check on my dressing and it turned out it was just sweat I could feel and my drains were perfectly fine. The room was incredibly hot in the hospital and the blankets they use are extremely good at keeping you warm. No matter what I did in the room I was still too hot so in the end, I had someone turn the fan on and then I used the blanket to cover me from the waist down only so that I could sleep without melting.

I was woken up again at 6am by someone who emptied my drains for me. He did show me how to do it but because I was still half asleep I wasn’t really paying attention. At roughly the same time another person wanted to check my blood pressure again and after they had both left I went back to sleep. I was woken up again at 7:30 by someone letting me know breakfast was on its way and asking what I wanted. I ended up having a bowl of Weetabix at about 8am with a glass of milk. After I had finished my breakfast I went back to sleep but that didn’t last long as at 8:45 roughly I was woken up again by another nurse wanting to change my bedsheets and give me a fresh gown. I got the option to stay in the bed while they changed sheets or sit in the chair, I opted for the chair as I could walk around a little anyway and staying in the bed just seemed like it would be weird and uncomfortable. The nurse helped me get my slippers on and get into the chair before she changed all the sheets for me. She also helped me into a clean gown which I am thankful for as moving my arms wasn’t very easy at the time. I slept again until Ralph, one of Mr Kneeshaw's team came in to check on me and see if I could be discharged. He said that everything looked good and I could go back to the hotel when I was ready.

Because of the way the hotel bookings worked we had to change hotels on Thursday as the Ibis didn’t have any space for us for Thursday night. The split booking was the cheapest way to do things and since travelling alone was costing a fortune we decided this was the best way to do things. Due to the difference in check out/ check in times my partner was set to come to the hospital with all our bags at about 12 and then we would be able to check in to the new hotel at 3pm. When I explained this to Ralph and the nurses they said It was perfectly fine to wait until the afternoon before leaving and I couldn’t leave without my partner coming to get me anyway.

My partner arrived shortly after 12. He helped me eat some lunch as I was still having trouble lifting my arms enough to reach my mouth with a fork and then he helped me wash with baby wipes and get changed into the joggers and shirt I had bought with me as pyjamas since I never ended up using them as such and just stayed in the gown while in the hospital. I asked for someone to come and show us how to empty & reseal the drains again as I was half asleep when they did it in the morning and my partner needed to know anyway. After we were shown that they handed me my discharge papers, an information leaflet about the drains, a sick note to give to my work and a feedback survey to fill out. I completed the survey while my partner made sure everything was packed up and then we left. We got a taxi down to the hotel as we both thought getting on the bus might have been too bumpy for me to handle at the time which im grateful for.

We checked into the Gilson Hotel, close to the train station when we got back to the city. I hadn’t really looked up the hotel before booking it as my only priority at the time was making sure It was close to the station and cheap. It had stairs leading from the entrance door to the reception, with no lift. While not ideal this wasn’t too much of a problem as I could walk up the stairs, I just had to do it slowly and one step at a time with a little pause in between each one. There was a lift from the reception to the other floors though which was good. We were on the 2nd floor but since there was a lift it wasn’t an issue. I didn’t know the layout or design of the hotel before I booked it and it turned out that there were two steps in order to get up to the hotel door from the hallway. Again not ideal but not a massive problem for me. This hotel definetly isn’t accessible though.

Sleeping in the hotel was a little difficult, the bed was low down which was great for getting up and down for me since I am rather short but it also had really thin pillows which made it difficult to prop myself up. We ended up using 3 pillows to create a slightly slanted back rest against the headboard, rolled up my jacket and put it under my left elbow to keep my arm propped up since that was the only comfortable position for it that didn’t hurt and I used only my dressing gown to cover me up since the hotel room was even hotter than the hospital room was.

After a somewhat uncomfortable night where I only slept for about 4-5 hours I woke up and my partner helped me empty my drains at roughly 8am. We were told to do them once every morning at roughly the same time and keep track of what comes out so we measure the ml of each one with a little jug and keep a note of it. We had breakfast and then discovered that the snow had caused mayhem with our travel plans.

We needed to be back in Cardiff by 5pm as we had a house viewing scheduled (I know, it’s a really awkward time to be doing this but our Landlord gave us notice to leave on the 28th Feb so time isn’t really something we have on our side for this situation. We did try arranging the viewing for before we left but unfortunately that just wasn’t possible). Anyway because of the time restraints and our tickets being valid only on off-peak trains we had planned to get the 10:23am train which would have gotten us back in Cardiff at 3pm. Unfortunately, this train was cancelled and the train before it wasn’t considered off-peak so we couldn’t get on that one. This meant that we had to get on the 11:26am train from Hull and that we had lost our reserved seats. This wasn’t ideal but it would still get us back just before the viewing so that’s what we did.

Since it was such a long trip the journey was split into three trains; Hull to Sheffield, Sheffield to Bristol Parkway and then finally Bristol to Cardiff Central. Hull to Sheffield was fine, we sat in priority seating since I struggled to walk long distances still at this point and definitely couldn’t stand up for long periods of time. The plan was to do this all the way back to Cardiff however unknown to us at the time a lot more trains had been cancelled which caused issues later down the line. Sheffield to Bristol was packed. I mean truly rammed. When we got on people were already standing in the walkways because there were no seats. Since I needed to sit down my partner had me get on the train first and basically b line for a carriage to find a seat. When I got on there were no seats at all. I tried asking several people who were sitting in the priority seats if they would mind giving up their seats for me and explained my condition and that my original train had been cancelled so I no longer had reserved seating. No one would allow me to sit. My partner was still out in the walkway by the doors with the bags since he couldn’t get through, not that there would be much point anyway. After asking a few more people if I could have their seat and being told no the train started to move so I gave up trying to find a seat and shuffled back to my partner. He wedged our suitcase between the wall and one of the internal carriage doors and had me sit/lean on that while keeping his arms around me to stop anyone from knocking into me while the train was moving. After about an hour a lady who was also in the doorway section with us spotted someone getting up from their seat in the other carriage to get off at the approaching stop and told us so that I could go and sit down. By the time I had gotten there though someone else had sat down in that seat and put headphones in. Luckily another lady offered me her seat when I explained that I had just had surgery and needed to sit down. I was very thankful to her and we chatted for a bit. The seat turned out not to be her reserved seat either so she warned me that someone might try to claim the seat later. When the train got to Birmingham a lot of people got off and I saw the display screens say there were two available (not reserved seats) opposite the aisle where I was so I decided to move into one of them so that there wouldn’t be a problem if the person who’s seat I was in did actually come to claim it. Since so many people got off my partner was able to make his way into the carriage now and I text him to let him know the seat next to me was available and asked him to bring some painkillers as I was in quite a lot of pain at this point. He came and sat down and gave me the tablets and then a lady came by claiming I was in her seat and that I had to move. I was a little out of it because of the pain I was in so all I managed to say was that I couldn’t move as I had surgery. The lady wasn’t happy with this and insisted it was her seat, even though there were many other empty seats in the carriage. My partner looked at the display unit and pointed out that it was still showing as not reserved and then when that didn’t seem to change the situation he lifted one of my drains out of the cloth bags the hospital had given me and showed it to the lady saying again that I had just had surgery and there was no way he was moving me now. She went to sit in one of the other vacant seats after that. It was a pretty easy journey from then on. I was in a lot of pain though from when I had been standing up so I had more painkillers and then ended up sleeping for a good chunk of the journey. My partner woke me up a little before our stop in Bristol and then helped me off the train. Bristol to Cardiff was pretty uneventful, we sat in priority seats again and it only took about half an hour to get to Cardiff. We got an uber home from the station since we were both very tired after the day of travelling.

I have to keep the drains in until Friday next week when I go back to hull to have them taken out. The post op binder has to stay on for 6 weeks however after the drains come out I will be able to remove it for a few minuets every couple of days to wash, whereas right not I’m not allowed to remove it at all. I was told I could return to work after two weeks and could drive again after the 2-3 week mark if I felt like I could handle the seatbelt against my chest. I can also start exercising again lightly after 6 weeks.

Recovering is going to be a long process but I’m so glad this finally happened. I’ve been waiting over 4 years since I was first referred for top surgery and honestly it was worth it. I feel so happy that it’s finally here.

[nolanhattrick]

i wish it was legal for me to record the conversation i just had with the woman i'm housesitting for on wednesday.

she is, on all accounts, the most american conservative person i've ever met. evangelical zionist, trump 2024 voter, 2020 conspiracist, antivaxxer and covid denier. you name it, she believes in it.

i housesit for her because she pays well, she is a friend of a friend, and i need to get out of the house sometimes. i do not spend time with this woman willingly. she is not my friend. our relationship is strictly transactional.

i went over to her house tonight to meet her new rescue dog. he's recovering from surgery and is a bit aggressive so she wanted to get him used to me before it was just us.

when i walked in, she commented on my voice and my facial hair. i thought it was interesting but didn't make a big deal of it.

she asked if i was available christmas day as well. i told her no, it's the first year we aren't doing christmas with my mom's parents, and my mom needs me home this year. she asked me why, and i told her that they are frustrated with some life choices that i'm making. that my mom chose me and that you can only call her child "butchered and deformed" once before she calls it quits.

she didn't know i was trans until right then. she hugged me and told me she was sorry. that it's not fair for them to judge. that family is family no matter what. that my decisions are my decisions, and if i'm happy and healthy, that's all that matters.

this is the same woman that looked me in the eye within 20 minutes of our first meet and said that furries were indoctrinating our schoolchildren to becoming transgender otherkin. not even kidding. so. wasn't really expecting the hug or the kindness.

we continued to talk about it and various other things for the next three hours. she asked me about how my mom was handling things, about my support system, about my plans for college and my upcoming interview. she asked about the specifics of my top surgery (with permission; i preface all conversations like this with "i am an open book, but other queer people might not be") and about my legal name change.

we talked about people that transition partially, and about people that don't transition medically at all. we talked about straight couples and gay couples where one partner transition and stay together. we talked about sperm and egg preservation. we talked about he/him lesbians and she/her gays and transvestites and the grey area between trans women and drag queens and the history of the queer liberation movement. she didn't understand all of it, but she understood a lot. she related a ton of it to things she lived through, to movies she'd seen. the aids epidemic and birdcage and rupaul's drag race.

when i left she walked me out, hugged me at the end of the driveway, called me a strong young man (she caught herself before calling me a woman), and said she'd see me this weekend. and she called me jordan.

the short of it is this: if the most vehemently conservative, terrifyingly transphobic woman i know can call me jordan, can call me a man, can understand the (bare bones of the) queer liberation movement and intersecting and "conflicting" identities, even if she's coming at it from a place of "it's between you and God, it's not about me" -

why is it so hard for other queer people to do the same?

[thedreadvampy]

Ok so like my partner and their partner are moving today, right?

and my partner had top surgery like 2 months ago and their partner has injured their shoulder so I'm like ok I love to move boxes I am super happy to come help if that's useful? and they're like yes yes oh my god please cause we don't know if we've got the manpower to move anything.

so I go on Friday afternoon I am knocking off work early to help them move. I block out my calendar. I work longer days Monday-Wednesday to balance it out. I also have to leave work earlier than usual Tuesday and Thursday so it's a bit like ok I can squeeze this in if I use up all my TOIL from the last few weeks.

I have also turned down two different requests to hang out this evening bc I was like ok no I have plans that evening cause I'm helping people move

They started moving at lunchtime because that's when the friend with a van was available. Ok. I knock off work at 3 instead of 5 and I message to say ok you've been at this a while, do you still need me? My partner messages back and says yes, we've just got here we've not even started unpacking yet and there's more stuff left at the flat, come on down.

It's a 25 minute walk and when I get there the things remaining in the van and the car are:

a kettlebell

a single box

a small bag

so I take those up. then I stand awkwardly around in the living room while their very loud friend talks very loudly and nonstop until everyone is overwhelmed. there's a sofa that needs to come out of the flat because it's full of dog hair and my partner's partner is super allergic to dogs, so me and the loud friend carry that downstairs. my partner keeps trying to direct it even though that makes it WAY FUCKING HARDER. we agree with the van friend that he'll hang onto it for now and load it into the van.

then I go back up to the flat and stand around for 20 minutes

eventually I'm like ok is there anything. I could be doing here?

and they look at each other and they're like no. nah. we're done for today. We'll sort through our stuff and set up and you guys come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers

and ok like this is not anyone's fault but I'm so upset.

Like I have been functionally superfluous here. I moved two things that other people were already about to pick up, and I moved a sofa that would have got moved anyway (although Jay would have tried to move it. but frankly it doesn't seem like they've tried very hard to Not Move Furniture before that so who gives a shit?). and for that I have basically used up my whole Friday afternoon/evening and lost 2 work hours for what?

"come back in a couple of hours and we'll go for beers" I didn't sign up for beers! I booked out this evening because I wanted to do physical labour and move heavy things!!! I wanted to be helpful!!!! If I wanted to have a beer and socialise I would have taken up the several other offers of socialising this evening!!!! But I don't want to now because I'm so upscuttled and upset that I can't even be around people, I am sitting on the back step in my garden right now because there is a risk of encountering 1-2 people in my flat!!!!!

and I asked before I left work if I was needed for this exact reason! because I didn't want to show up hang around and leave!!!!!

and "oh so your Friday evening's free now"? It's NOT FREE I'm AUTISTIC it's DENUDED. I'm not doing the thing I was meant to be doing but my brain still thinks I'm meant to be doing it so I don't have the capacity to do anything else!!!!! I'm just HERE.