#my parents worry so much about me cus they know that whenever they leave me somewhere i'm one bad experience away from a meltdown

[eddieangel]

Being on the lower side of msn feel so horrible cus i'm not lsn enough to live normally but i'm also not hsn to be seen as needkng help.

I can barely cross the road alone and the only time i managed to have a good walk ""alone""(i had a friend with me) to somewhere far away was last year. I'M AN ADULT and i still have to be taken everywhere i go and i'm not allowed leave the place until someone comes to keep me company.

But i can talk well enough (i can't. I can't articulate my thoughts well and i have frequent verbal shutdowns/verbal loss) and i make half-decent eye contact so i don't look autistic!!!

It's crazy how you can struggle with everything including hygiene and independency but we can still be called not autistic just because you can talk and look at people. Actually insane.

[chaussetteblanche]

the view

pairing : miles morales x gn!reader

word count : 1k

summary : spider-man joins you when pondering life one evening at the top of a building

warnings : swearing

Your feet dangled above the bustling city of New York. You leaned back on your palms, staring up at the sky and wishing you could see stars instead of the orange glow. You chest felt tight and your eyes were runny. You felt like you needed a breath of fresh air, but even one of the highest buildings in the capital of the state wasn't enough.

"Hey, uh, you okay ?" A voice came from behind you, startling you slightly. You sighed and looked down at your swinging feet, the soles of your shoes reflecting the lights below.

"I'm not going to jump, if that's what you're worried about."

The person behind you moved forward and you heard the faint rustling of fabric as they sat down next to you. You were surprised to find none other than Spiderman sitting bent forward, elbows leaning on his knees at your side. His suit was dirty, gray covering black and red.

"Tough night ?" you asked, noticing the way his eyes dropped and his back hunched.

"You could say that," he spoke softly and paused, as if debating whether to tell you something or not, "three different people tried to kill me in the span of a few hours." You let out a small sigh, not so sure of what to say. No one had ever tried to kill you.

"That sucks,"

"Yeah," he chuckled wetly, "yeah, it really does." You heard his sniff once, white eyes scanning the city below. You wondered what was going through his mind.

You leaned back and laid down, crossing your arms behind your head. Your gaze fixed steadily on the unnatural colour of the sky, making out a few sparse stars. You felt very small. And your problems very big.

"Do you ever feel like it all gets too much ? Kinda like you can't breathe ?" you asked. He laid down next to you, one arm behind his head.

"Like you're never gonna get out of it ? That it's never going to end ?" he paused, "yeah, sometimes."

"How can you feel so small when everything else feels so- huge ? And destructive and consuming ? It doesn't make any sense."

"What's up with you ?" he asked, turning his head to the side. You looked into his white eyes briefly before turning back to the sky.

"Family, money... Life, I guess," you chuckled humourlessly. "My parents have been separated for years now and they're finally getting a divorce. But... I still feel like I'm taking sides or betraying one of them whenever I do something. I hate it. And I just want to protect my brother from all of it. But I also want to move out. Just get the fuck away from all of it, you know ? But I can't bear the thought of leaving him alone." Confessing to him felt strangely freeing.

"That sucks," he repeated your words from earlier.

"Yeah," you let out a small laugh, wiping your eyes, "it does suck,"

"Someone once told me that you have to live your life for you, you can't live it for anyone else. Even for your brother. People... they'll try to fit you into these boxes and tell you what to do, what's expected of you depending on this and that, but fuck that. Fuck it all. You have to do what's best for you, you know ? To hell with the rest of it. You're the only person who's always gonna be by your side, you gotta look out for you, you know what I mean ? Don't mind the rest. Move out if that's what best for you,"

You turned to look at him, eyebrows raised. A tear rolled down your cheek and he wiped it away with his thumb.

"And moving out doesn't mean that you'll never see your brother again, will it ?" he added. You inhaled shakily.

"Yeah, you're right." You wiped your eyes and chuckled. "That was some deep shit, man," He laughed and watched you as you sat up.

"We've all got our demons to slay."

"I'm Y/N, by the way," you extended your hand to him.

"Mi- Spiderman." He shook your hand and grinned at you, thankful you couldn't see his red cheeks at the slip-up.

"What did you come up here for, anyway ?" you asked, genuinely curious.

"Just- came to think. I like to get above it all. It's quiet up here. Like-"

"A breath of fresh air," you spoke. Your eyes locked and he smiled softly.

"Yeah, exactly."

"What do you see when you look up at the sky ?" you asked after a few minutes of silence. You heard him inhale slowly before answering.

"People I've loved. People I've lost. Battles I've lost. Battles I've won. Opportunities I took and ones I didn't."

"I wish you could see the stars," you both spoke simultaneously, before gasping and chuckling.

"And what about when you look down at the city ?"

"Pressure," he answered immediately, "I see people. People that need my help, my saving. People that need me. Some that I won't be able to save,"

"What about the ones you've saved ? Who are thankful for you ? Who owe their lives to you ?" you asked, frowning slightly. Spiderman was quiet for a moment before humming.

"Yeah, you're right,"

"What do you see ?" he asked after a while, the buzzing of the city below filling the comfortable silence.

"I feel incredibly small when I look up at the sky. Like a speck of dust, really. But I like it, it brings me back to reality. And the reality of my life. Despite everything, I'm still privileged, I've got a family who loves me, no serious money problems and good grades at school." He nodded. "When I look down at the city, I realize everyone has problems. Even Spiderman ! It makes me realize I'm not alone, I guess."

He smiled at your answer. "I like that view."

"So do I, I think."

He stood up and brushed himself off. "Well, if you ever wanna share your view again, I'll be here," he assured.

You smiled and nodded. "You got it, Spiderman,"

Little did you know that that was the blossoming of a beautiful friendship.

[mayssa-m]

i done figured out what I wanna do in my life and what my life will look like, it might look like I got no plans but I really know what I’m doing. I nose-dived several times education-wise n that’s really odd of me cus I was known to be the biggest nerd in my class n that reputation completely faded away n I can’t really blame myself as I got distractions of another life with a completely different lane n it’s hard to balance between, my mom just had a talk w me and this time I’ll do it not for myself but my mom n that other life I wanna live cus i always promised myself no matter what I’ll never give up on school n the results by my attitude towards it is the perfect route for someone removing school from his/her life, but that’s not what I’m aiming for. It’s gonna be harder for me than others whether it’s people only being focused on school n doing really good or someone else in the field I’l distracted by doing really good in it to, in my case the harder part is gonna be balancing in order to succeed in both, it’s gonna be really challenging but I know it’ll pay off 2 years from here n theres nothing to worry about as I talk everyday about how fast time goes so those two hears will go in a blink of an eye n ill look back n be like damn. I’m ready for this 2 year journey as at the end of them I’ll get double rewarded, two different types of rewards from each side, I learned a lot from the previous mistakes I’ve made and this time I just wanna do really well and bounce back just imagine me being a nerd again my family being really proud of me along with myself n doing also well in my other plan like bro what could be any better than that n then 2 years from now I’d get my results n graduate imagine just that is enough as my life is completely shifting I’m leaving my home country n gonna open this new chapter of my life that’s what Ive been dreaming of for soo long just living by myself in another country yes my family is gonna be away but what ive always wanted since idk what age was me living in my own appartment in a different country i also planned w my cousin we’d have a mansion each or split one and have expensive cars (part2 ill take about it later) n then I’d visit my parents and give them gifts and money n them just being genuinely happy with who they’ve raised and finally all their hard work paying off cuz im telling you it wasn’t easy for my parents especially now we’re prolly at our worst financially n whats giving me hope is not only that they always end up figuring it out but that im the oldest meaning id be the first to show them that what theyve done was worth it (+my second plan on the side) one of my goals also is getting a scholarship so that i wont have to make them pay much and something i also thought of was them not even paying for me i want by the age of 18 to be able to pay for college, car, clothes, food, airplane tickets, etc just anything for myself n i know ill do it BRO i wanna make them so happy you wont even understand n they dont even know the millionth of how grateful i am of having them or just anything they do, i see it trust i just dont show ut in case i look ungrateful to them, its not that i dont hug kiss n say i love you that i dont mean to say it its just all in my head i keep rushing myself in my head to be even harder on myself n makes things go faster, they’ll never ever even expect the quarter of what im about to do

I wanna come back n read this whenever i feel like i cant do it nomore cus i know there will be a lot of downs, school really isnt easy when youre aiming to be the best at it (to aim high)

my parents always taught me to aim higher n i still got this habit where i overestimate what i can do n dont end up being consistent so i end up being disappointed

n i know it might sound weird n unusual but something thatll keep you going youre not getting there by being in your room 24/7 just doing school stuff, you need to go out, do activities, go out with your friends or family members, spend time with family, just basically going out n not always working in the same environment n you will enjoy it better than being all by yourself studying in the same environment, its really all about balance and organization, n thats what ill do n first step would be to start sleeping earlier and wake up early in order to have better quality of sleep for a better performance the next day and a longer day in order to be able to do as much as possible thats all i gotta do for now

28.08.2024 it’ll really all be done by like june-july 2026 it’s crazy

[lifewiththelulus]

Young Cirrus Meeting Kindlin during a class kickball game. Cirrus keeps missing the ball and gets depressed about it. then sees Kin failing just as hard but still having fun.

So they met when Cirrus wasn't out yet right

correct. before Cirrus even knew being trans could be a thing. Ox didn't have a lot of friends and used to be ashamed for liking things that were traditionally feminine. Mostly due to the parents. Bog was cool with Ox doing whatever he wanted, but never really joined in on the fun. Kindlin was the first best friend they had.

I think Cirrus would be Kindlin's closest friend as a child She was never really open about her home life, but Cirrus kept Kindlin from completely giving up on connecting with other people

It made it all the more devastating when Cirrus eventually left

Even sadder, Cirrus never got to say good bye, Her granny at the time lived a little further from her old school, and fell into a deep depression, even after she came out and got some mental help, she didn't think Kin would want to see her again, after she avoided talking to her for years.

Poor Kindlin thought for a long time she did something wrong and that's why Cirrus just ghosted her. She didn't know about what happened probably since she never said goodbye. Kindlin was really depressed for a while cus it felt like everyone eventually leaves

When they bumped into each other again Kindlin was overjoyed but still had that feeling like she still might not be good enough for cirrus to stay her friend this time

When they meet again, Crissus apologizes constantly and promises to be a better friend. Hoping now that she's changed things can be better.

Kindlin is just glad to know it wasn't anything she did She still feels bad about her parents though and tells her she knows what it's like to lose a parent so she can come to her whenever she needs. They definitely have a little cry and a big hug when they meet again

Their shocked faces when they realized there feelings for each other had not faded but instead grew stronger.

Kindlin going home with a huge smile for once 😭 When Cirrus first says her name tho. "who is this really cute girl and how does she know my name??"

Kindlin: "Oh geez, why is this cute girl hugging me to death now? //0 0//"

From the moment Cirrus walked back into her life she was already crushing XD Just didn't know it yet lmaoo

Cirrus definitely helped her stop repressing her emotions She hadn't done it for long but was starting to slip into it so Cirrus popping up again was sort of needed in her life

Cirrus making up for all the times Kin kept her from repressing when she was younger by doing the same.

When Kindlin was gonna leave the city she wasn't gonna say anything to anyone So no one knows she was even gonna leave except for Birch

Imagine Birch not knowing Kindlin never told Cirrus And she brings it up one day "I'm so glad Kindlin decided not to leave the city. She's so much happier than the night I found her."

"Leave???? Found her?? What are you talking about? Didn't she apply for this job?"

"…. oh."

It's the only time Kindlin straight up lied to Cirrus face

Kindlin just told Cirrus was going through a few family issues and that is was nothing to worry about, she didn't even know her dad had died. She was heartbroken that Kin never told her.

Kindlin probably didn't even say what the truth was until she was pushed She kept saying it was nothing until she broke down and poured it all out Her dad dying when she was little, her mom emotionally abandoning her, Cirrus leaving, Ruby leaving, Lily stabbing her in the back… It was all too much so she was gonna run away to elementopolis to try a new life but Birch brought her in from the storm and offered her a job after a couple days. She was definitely apologizing a lot for lying and making such immature choices

Once Cirrus hears her crying she feels guilty knowing her leaving was part of her trauma. So she promises her she will never abandon her again, even if everyone and everything goes against them, because knowing was the best thing to ever happen to her, and she'll never take that for granted again.

Kindlin just hugged her and didn't let go Kindlin usually doesn't cry but Cirrus' words made her a sobbing mess

She holds her until she stops

[cleostoohot]

MY VOID STATE SUCCESS STORY (🦩 anon)

Before I went to bed I played my favorite law of assumption videos just to boost my motivation. Once I was done with that I basically gave my self a pep talk saying why wouldn’t I get in the void, I was made to be successful and have all my desires, if other people can do it then duh I can do it because I am special. I played a meditation by kim velez (seen from another success story) it was a long video so I knew it wasn’t going to cut off. I got into a comfortable position since I knew I wasn’t going to be able to move. I counted to 300 and said affirmations after each number. I can’t remember all but I definitely used ones like the void state is so easy, I get into the void state in 2 minutes, everything is easy for me, I am in the void state already, and more. At some point my hands felt gone in a way. I imagined that feeling spreading throughout my body as I continued affirming and counting. Once that finally happened it really clicked to me that I am actually doing it and that void is real and without a doubt I said the void state is SO easy to enter then that’s when I felt a complete shift and realized I was in. I only said the affirmation I have everything I desire right now then intended to wake up at 8am when I’m ready to get out of void but I low key stayed in longer because it felt so peaceful. Like it’s so unexplainable for me it was such a nice feeling like I wouldn’t mind entering every night just to feel that again. Even if I don’t plan on manifesting things. So on to what I manifested 

🌼 Completely changing my appearance. From head to toe. My desired face was different features from different celebrities so I was nervous about looking weird but I look 10x better than I imagined. For my body I manifested ruby roses body but with bigger tits. I also changed my skin tone to be lighter and even.

🌼 Completely changing my family. I changed their appearance to fit mines so I wouldn’t look adopted or something. Also I changed their personalities so we can finally have a great relationship and lastly I manifested an older brother and little sisters that are twins. I already had enough siblings but I wanted more.

🌼 My boy friend. I used to create scenarios with him in my head to fall asleep and now I fall asleep to him rubbing on my body. I had the biggest crush on him before and thought I’d never have him now he’s all mines and better than ever! I was going to manifest that we already been dating for 2 years but I didn’t know how that was gonna work so I just manifested that we was already dating for a week before I successfully shifted I guess you can say.

🌼 My own car and a new house. It’s not a big ass mansion it’s just a way bigger and cuter house than my last which I love! I got my own bathroom attached to my room and never have to worry about siblings ruining my bathroom again. And I got a car that my parents let me do whatever I want with! I can leave whenever I want, come back whenever I want. I am really living my best life with no rules.

🌼 Being really good in sports. I wanted to be one of those athletic girls so I manifested being super good in basketball, tennis, volleyball, and cheer. 

🌼 Other than those I manifested clothes, money, longer hair, different personality, always smelling so good, and literally so much more. 

I can’t thank you enough cleo 💓 I think I will go back in void tonight but idek what to manifest. Maybe it’ll be a family vacation to somewhere super expensive lol. 

the rubi rose body part made me giggle cus that’s literally the dreammm bod omg😭🙌🏽 IM SO HAPPY FOR YOU!!! i just know your living it tf up. vacation suggestions- you should go some where in the caribbean’s 🤎🤎

[strangeradventuresofp]

a deeper understanding (sokka x reader)

You sat up from a rough nights sleep, rubbing your blurry eyes. You slowly stood, being cautious as to not disturb anyone else, and made your way towards Appa, staring at you with his big eyes, earning a soft chuckle from your lips. You gently pressed your hand to his furry cheek after feeding him and turned your head to the side, to where the others were still sleeping. Creeping over to where Sokka lay, you knelt down and searched for the bag of food, finding a few pieces of fruit within the bag. Picking out a peach, you turned back around to find Momo sat in front of you, his ears sticking up at the sight of what was in your hand. You smiled.

“Be careful of the stone in the middle.” Whispering, you passed him the peach and walked past his tiny frame.

Strolling through trees and bushes, you tried to find the body of water that you remembered was not too far. After a while, you found yourself at the beach, but also found that you were no longer alone on this island. As you peeked around a tree, you saw a ship, with a red flag flapping high in the air. Shoot. Who were they and why were they here? You decided it wasn’t as important as getting back to the others, so you ran right back to where you had previously came from.

“Guys! Quickly.” Pant. “We,” pant. “Have to leave.” You breathed heavily as you collapsed into Sokka’s embracing arms. What you said had earned many questions from the others as you looked back, catching your breath.

“Y/N, what do you mean we have to leave? What happened to you?” Katara asked in a motherly tone, while Toph, Aang and Sokka looked at you with worried looks.

“There’s fire nation soldiers here.” You gulped as Toph knelt and pressed her hand to the floor.

“And they’re close.” She stood back up as Sokka disappeared from your side, only for him to reappear a few moments later, with his boomerang on his back, like usual, his sword in one hand and your spear in the other. You gently took it away from him, squeezing his hand swiftly before a flame erupting from the bushes.

The person who came through was a boy, older and taller than all of us, who wore a uniform of various shades of red lines with gold, paired with a ponytail and a scowl. You winced at the distinctive blemish on his face; a scar covering the majority of the left side of his face. His eyes were angry and vengeful, and pained. The older boy lunged at your bald friend, which caused Aang to -using his staff- hit him backwards with a harsh wind. You, Sokka, Toph and Katara focused the other soldiers who had followed the scarred boy through the greenery. You looked behind you at your arrow-headed friend in concern, and ran to help him, along with Katara, as the fire boy roared, shooting orange-yellow flames in Aang’s direction. 

You stood opposite the boy as Katara checked on Aang, a few feet behind us. He fired at you numerous times, but you managed to dodge each big blast, obtaining a frustrated groan from your opponent. He shot many more times, with hardly any care at all, and it was easy for you to avoid all of his attacks. As fire left his fist, you ducked quickly and swiped his legs with your spear, him landing with a loud thud onto his back. 

Sokka high-fived the blind girl after defeating the other soldiers, just between the two of them. He glanced over to you, watching you move so swiftly in complete awe. He felt his cheeks burning up just watching you.

As non-benders, you had always had a deeper understanding of each other. You were both from the Southern Water Tribe and your family had always been close with Gran-Gran. You had always took a liking to Sokka and were afraid whenever he spoke to you whenever you were little. He was a couple of years older and had always found you adorable when you got nervous around him.

~~~

Six years ago

“Gran-Gran! I made you a fruit pie!” You expressed as you rushed into her house, holding a colorful pie in your outstretched arms. You stood, waiting for her in the lounge area. Suddenly a familiar, dark, pretty looking boy came out from around one of the corners. He seemed about two years older than you, but you couldn’t exactly tell.

“Hey!” A brilliant smile appeared on his face, and you backed away towards the door, pulling the pie in towards your chest. You didn’t know him, but you had seen him before. He’s the one who -tried to- train the little toddler boys. You had watched him a few times, and had always felt bad for him as he never actually got anywhere with any of the children. 

“It’s okay,” he proceeded. “Are you here to see Gran-Gran? Do you want me to go get her?” He had a cute smile and dark skin. His eyes were a light shade of blue, like the sky in the early morning and he wore his dark hair in a short ponytail. His frame was larger than yours and although he was quite skinny, his arms were quite muscly. 

You nodded once, slowly, in response to the boy and watched him disappear behind the very corner he came from. He came back a few minutes later with Gran-Gran, standing behind her.

“Y/N!” Gran-Gran spoke happily, smiling at you. You held the pie out to her, grinning widely in pride. “Sokka, put this somewhere safe.”

A small girl entered the room behind Gran-Gran and the boy she called Sokka. She was about your age and she looked similar to Sokka, only she had beautifully long, dark hair which she wore in a long plait down her back with loopies around her ears. She smiled at you warmly, and you smiled back politely.

“Y/N, these are my grandchildren, Sokka and Katara. Katara is eight, like you and Sokka is ten. Since your parents will be travelling for a few days, you will be staying here, with us. ” Gran-Gran explained as you nodded. The young girl, Katara, moved forward to speak to you.

“Hi, Y/N! I’m Katara and I’m very excited to have you here with us for a while. I hope we can be friends!” She immediately hugged you, to which you were skeptical of but accepted nevertheless. You saw Sokka stood opposite you and as he caught your eye, he pulled a funny face, making you laugh, to which he smiled in return.

~~~

Sokka watched you intently, weaving in between each of Zuko’s attacks. It was pathetic really, how effortlessly you moved, how hard Zuko was trying. He was so proud of you. And he was proud of himself, as he should be. After all, he did train you personally after you had nagged him none stop for about three months.

~~~

Two Years Ago

“Come on, Sokka!”

“No, Y/N.”

“Please! What will take?”

He turned around to face you. “No. It’s too dangerous out there, you could get seriously hurt!”

“I’m more likely to get hurt when I don’t know how to defend myself!”

He looked away and scowled, knowing you were right, groaning. “Fine.”

After a few months of training, you and Sokka had participated in sparring matches against each other, like most masters did with their students.

“Sokka!” You called, confused at why he had walked out of one of your many practices. “What is wrong with you?” Grabbing his shoulder, you turned him to face you.

“You threw me around like a rag doll! I should have never agreed to training you.” He sat on a near bench, putting his head in his hands. “I’m just a failure.”

“Hey, don’t you dare even say that!” You sat beside him, cupping his cheek in your hand, looking into his eyes. “Everything I learnt was from you. Everything I did, I learnt from you. You’re a great fighter Sokka, and you’re only fourteen. I only wish I could be as good as you. You are amazing, I promise.”

Your eyes widened as you felt soft lips press against yours. Quickly, you felt him pull away and stare at you, a pink hue to his cheeks. You smiled and pressed your lips back against his.

“I am so proud of you.” 

“And I, of you, Y/N.”

~~~

The scarred boy growled, spinning his legs around to create a blazing ring of fire. You jumped, but miscalculated and fell on your back, blinking to see the boy stood over you, fire erupting once again from his fist, aimed at you. You closed your eyes, whimpering in fear, sweat dripping down your forehead. You heard a shriek of your name, followed another loud thud intertwined with two groans of different pitches. Katara, Toph and Aang helped you up, you clutching to them for support, looking over to the boy in red only to see Sokka lay underneath him. You scrambled to grab your spear as the boy smirked at Sokka and pulled his arm back. You threw your spear at the boy, managed to rip through his clothes and pin him to a tree just behind him, letting Katara cover his body and the tree in ice, so he couldn’t move.

“Nice one, Katara.” You smiled, running to Sokka to help him up. You grabbed your spear, smiling sarcastically at the tree boy.

“Nice try, ponytail.” You walked away and climbed up the side of Appa, being helped onto the saddle by Sokka, Appa ascending immediately after. “Thank you, Katara, for keeping him against the tree.”

“Hey! What about me? I’m the one who saved your life from the dreaded Zuko.” Sokka pouted at you, a few centimetres from your face, earning a giggle from you.

“Oh, Sokka! My hero!” You grinned, planting a smooch on his cheek, making him blush fiercely. You giggled again, pulling him into a hug. “Thank you.” Your face turned stern. “But don’t you dare ever do that again. In saving my life you could’ve lost your own. I would never forgive myself.”

“No promises.” Sokka grinned cheekily, rubbing the back of his neck.

“You two are gross.” Toph laughed and stretched her body out, crossing her leg over the other. 

You and Sokka smiled at each other as he put his arm around your shoulders gently, before you left another soft kiss on his cheek.

“So who was that guy, anyway?”

my masterlist (requests open!)

A/N : sort of an au where toph is with gaang in book1 cus i imagined book1 zuko but idc dude my love for sokka is too much to not make an imagine about him so i hope u enjoy and thanks to any1 who reads this ur an angel xo p

[ficletsbynaria]

(Characters of your choice) if possible, could you do some of the boys with a s/o with a huge dog? And the boy's reaction to the big ol' floofer? I have a Great Pyrenees and he is literally the sweetest dog ever, and when he's on his hind legs, he's as tall as me. It'd be fun to see how some of the lads would react!

okay I searched up great pyrenees and !!! 

THEY’RE THE ABSOLUTE CUTEST I WANT 50. as a fellow dog lover (and owner of a floof chowchow), I enjoyed making these hcs that I ended up making it longer than I planned it to be oops 😳😳😳🤪

I went and chose my bnha bois: kiri, baku, mido, and mirio for the headcanon :>> since they scream dog lovers pls excuse my dumb nicknames for the boys lmao

𝖜𝖔𝖗𝖉 𝖈𝖔𝖚𝖓𝖙: 1,789 words

𝖈𝖍𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖈𝖙𝖊𝖗𝖘: Kirishima Eijirou, Bakugou Katsuki, Midoriya Izuku, Togata Mirio

𝖙𝖆𝖌𝖘: none

𝙺𝚒���𝚒𝚜𝚑𝚒𝚖𝚊

★ when you told him about having a pet dog, he was ELATED

★ like he was more excited about it than you ever saw him

★ maybe u were jealous about it even

★ and when you described your doggo as one belonging to a huge breed

★ he was so enthusiastic about it

★ asking how big they were, how playful they acted

★ bb boi just was so excited about dogs

★ finally you two got home and Kiri almost passes out

★ YOUR DOG WAS A BIG BALL OF FLOOF

★ your baby was a samoyed and she was the prettiest ever

★ kiri most likely fell in love again

★ your dog absolutely loved Kiri

★ it was love at first sight basically

★ he was so mesmerized by your dog’s fur

★ described it as a cloud that he can hug

★ calls your doggo ‘cloudy’ as a nickname

★ it’s even funnier and cute bc cloudy looks so soft while Kiri’s quirk is hardening

★ opposites truly attract

★ cloudy and kiri just enjoyed each other’s presence so much

★ cloudy thrived in Kiri’s love and attention

★ and your boyfriend had enough to give her just that

★ your big doggo and your big strong bf

★ it looked like the perfect family portrait

★ I think you almost cried while staring lovingly at them

★ and while u had your tears of joy

★ both cloudy and Kiri noticed your mood shift

★ and they just shower you with kisses !! (dog kisses included)

★ kiri DEMANDED you three take a picture together

★ and he talked about bragging on how he had the best s/o AND THE GOODEST GIRL in the whole wide world (kiri’s words not mine)

★ those muscles aren’t just for hero work wink wonk

★ they’re for giving hugs and holding your huge doggo up in his arms

★ kiri loves your dog and cloudy loves kiri

★ you love them just as much 🥰🥰

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

𝙱𝚊𝚔𝚞𝚐𝚘𝚞

★ you mentioned your dog in ur convos with Baku before

★ but never really stated what kind of breed your dog was

★ and Baku never really asked about it so meh

★ so when you actually introduced your dog to him, it was hilarious and terrifying at the same time

★ your Neapolitan mastiff was very protective of you (and he was huge AN ABSOLUTE UNIT HAVE YOU SEEN THEM)

★ as was Bakugou (the protective one I mean but the huge part can also apply hmmm)

★ you were worried they’d actually fight with each other

★ your dog would win no cap

★ but Bakugou does not condone violence against animals *chefs kiss*

★ your doggo had a really close bond with you so it’s understandable that he would be wary of any stranger

★ you ended up becoming the mediator between Baku and your dog

★ but eventually, you had to leave them both alone in the living room (rip), since you had to go fetch (lmao fetch get it) something in your kitchen

★ fear for your bf and dog’s lives intensifies

★ your dog had this intimidating aura that scared off strangers, considering his size and all

★ and Baku was the type that challenged every person he’s met, with a fight

★ so both boys might not be compatible sigh

★ you wondered if Baku preferred smaller dogs (plot twist he loves every dog no matter the size)

★ that is until you were almost in the living room and spotted Baku kneeling to your dog’s level

★ you hid in the corner and watched everything unfold

★ you ALMOST choked on your spit when u heard Baku CONVERSING with your doggo

★ it’s not that the whole act was stupid, you’re just surprised that it was something Bakugou would do

★ eavesdropping a little more, you heard Baku sigh

★ “look we’re here for them for the same thing”

★ “I want to take care of them and you want to protect them”

★ “so we should just get along and cut the bullshit”

★ that was the most rational thing you ever heard from Baku

★ and he was saying it to your DOG

★ if your mastiff could talk, you think he would’ve agreed.

★ instead, as you peeked, you saw your dog slowly lowering their guard around Baku

★ probs sensing that he means no harm

★ and just ??? NUDG ES HIS HEAD ?? on Bakugou’s hand ?? (omg can u imagine that would be so 🥺🥺🥺🥺)

★ SO BAKUGOU JUSTS LOVINGLY PETS HIM ???

★ your heart exploded with uwus

★ you might’ve uwued loudly bc Baku and your doggo noticed your presence

★ Baku was about to shout at you for spying on him

★ BUT YOU SWEAR you saw your dog give Bakugou a warning look

★ Baku chose to shut up instead cus he knows your doggo ain’t playing

★ but you’re absolutely sure that Bakugou and your mastiff liked each other now

★ bc yes they do have a common goal,, and that is love and protecc u uwu

★ bonus: Baku insists you call him ‘lord explosion murder’ and you reluctantly agree

★ extra bonus: your dog loves it

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

𝙼𝚒𝚍𝚘𝚛𝚒𝚢𝚊

★ you were very sure that Mido was a dog person

★ even before you two dated

★ you had your own doggo and she was a sweetheart 🥺🥺

★ exactly like Midoriya

★ when you dated him, you kept the ‘owning a dog’ part secret from Midoriya for personal reasons

★ just so you could see the surprised and joyful expression on his face when he met her

★ so when you actually invited him over to your house

★ your dog came over and greeted you happily !!! doggos are so pure i love it when mine does that 

★ and you saw Midoriya freeze, shortcircuit, then internally fangirl at your dog in the span of 5 seconds

★ your Saint Bernard noticed Midoriya’s excitement and went over to greet him too

★ your doggo was snuggling up to Mido and the sight was just 🥰🥰🥰 

★ two cinnamon rolls being the most adorable

★ speaking of cinnamon rolls, Mido started calling her ‘cinnamon’ because of her fur’s color

★ so Midoriya kept asking, whenever he got the opportunity, to take cinnamon out for a walk

★ you happily obliged, bc that whole scenario seemed so purifying in theory

★ your big doggo with your smol bf, a healthy balance

★ walks with cinnamon and Mido would be an experience in itself

★ like you’re used to people commenting about how big your dog was and how they’re kinda intimidating

★ but Mido being Mido, would overhear people who would say that and just go “actUALLY”

★ and he drones about how cinnamon’s breed is family-friendly and very gentle

★ so there’s nothing to be afraid of PSA IT’S NOT THE DOG’S FAULT IF THEY’RE AGGRESSIVE,, IT’S THE OWNER THAT MADE THEM LIKE THAT ! ok moving on

★ you’re so grateful to have Mido by ur side AND defending your dog get a man like Midoriya 

★ when the people are actually educated by Mido’s lecture, they ask if they can pet cinnamon

★ you say yes, and cinnamon is just happy to receive some love and attention

★ Midoriya even convinced some parents to let their kids play with your dog (with u and ur dog’s consent ofc)

★ the walk turned into the cutest playdate ever

★ and you see cinnamon just giving Mido sum kisses and your heart just did 10 backflips

★ in conclusion, Mido + big dog = wholesome content

.・゜゜・　　・゜゜・．

𝙼𝚒𝚛𝚒𝚘

★ OF COURSE MIRIO SCREAMED DOG LOVER ENERGY

★ i will hold onto this hc on my deathbed

★ n e ways

★ ITS ALSO A HUGE (lmao ok I should stop) PLUS THAT YOUR DOGGO WAS BIG

★ and Mirio was just a big ol hunk himself (you can confirm the big part if u know what I mean)

★ so it was a match made in heaven

★ you mentioned to him about having a doggo at home and he was all giddy

★ when he asked about the breed, you told him yours was a Bordeauxdog

★ he immediately searches up what they look like

★ and stars were shining in his eyes 🥺🥺

★ “They’re like me!” he exclaimed and you wholeheartedly agreed

★ the day came when Mirio and your dog would see each other

★ you promised to bring your doggo to him at the park, since Mirio saw that the breed needed to be active outdoors and suggested a morning jog lmao great idea mirio jk

★ 5am and you were there at dawn just bringing your huge boy to the park

★ can you imagine walking a very big dog at the crack at dawn,,, that seems so cool tho

★ You spotted Mirio stretching in the distance and called out to him

★ once he noticed you he l i t e r a l l y ran over to you and your doggo

★ he had so much energy for someone who woke up before sunrise

★ your dog was mostly the same too, mimicking Mirio’s excitement BIG UWU

★ just two excited boys and you were there, too tired to even find it cute

★ but their interaction was a good enough reason to be happy about waking up in the morning 🥰🥰🥰

★ Mirio volunteers to jog with your dog, and you saw that your doggo already warmed up to Mirio and that you were too dead in the inside to actually jog, so you let them have their fun

★ a few paces behind mirio and your doggo, you saw how fitting the scene looked

★ Mirio looked more like your dog’s owner than yourself, the connection was so natural

★ You wanted to slap Mirio over the head for wanting to call your dog ‘Junior’ since you said they were so alike

★ Mirio and his weird nicknames but its kinda cute ngl

★ after the jog, you and Mirio just passed out on your bed, worn out from the exercise and waking up really early

★ Both of you had a peaceful cuddle session

★ SIKE

★ It just so happened that junior likes your bed and claims it as his own

★ and he so conveniently forgot that you and Mirio were lying on it

★ MIRIO WAS ALREADY BIG ENOUGH IN YOUR KING-SIZED BED

★ having a Bordeaux dog settle himself on your bed was anything but pleasant

★ he lied down between you and Mirio (almost suffocating you) and you swore Mirio was just laughing at your demise

★ you maybe have to ban both boys away from your bed 🙄😳 

[spidersmiceandeverythingnice]

All Emiya-san AU's are good AU's (its where my Actor Fionn lives too lol) and man there's a lot of untapped comedy gold of Shirou hearing all these stories about Diarmuid scaring away rude customers and thinking he looks super scarred up or w/e and then he meets him and it's like "??? he looks so nice?? are u sure this is the guy who nearly stabbed someones eye out???"

EHEHEHE I wrote a thing beneath the read more I looooove the Emiya Gohan AUS so much...

Everything about this situation was concerning for Shirou. It was bad enough that Archer was using Shirou’s name (the number of times he’d gotten, “Is that guy a relative of yours, Emiya-kun?” from ignorant but well-meaning classmates was starting to grate on his nerves) at his dumb part-time job (why Servants even needed part-time jobs was a mystery) and the fact that Lancer kept popping up to invite Taiga out for dinner and drinking but now, apparently, a third Servant had arrived.

The cafe’s regulars, of course, had no idea he was a Servant. Sakura and Rider had confirmed it after visiting the cafe on one of their dates, but didn’t seem to be worried. Of course, they weren’t worried. Sakura and Rider had enough power and magical energy between them to flatten the city, let alone deal with Servants. Rin also brushed off what Shirou believed was a wholly justified concern - “He’s probably just some lingering ghost from a past Grail War. Archer seems to like him fine, and he hangs out around Lancer, so what’s the big deal? If he becomes a problem, we’ll just deal with it like we always do.”

But in Shirou’s view, the Servant was already a problem. It was bad enough that the restored Servants of the Fifth Grail War could still draw upon the wild, free-flowing magic of Fuyuki’s leylines and pop up whenever they pleased - the fact that Servants from previous wars might show up too was giving him anxiety.

And this was before the rumors started.

Nobody seemed to know the guy’s name, or remember it if they saw it written down. He would pop up - always in the vicinity of the cafe - and often left behind gifts. One time, it was a bottle of wine for the manager. Another time, an antique coin for one of the waiters. He always seemed to disappear right when anyone asked for information about him, and reappear whenever something interesting happened. One time, near closing, a couple of drunk university students came in and tried to convince their waitress to leave in their car. When she refused, one of them joked about following her home.

At once, the mystery Servant walked in the door.

Another time, a middle-aged man from out of town shouted at one of the baristas until they had to run into the back to cry for the rest of their shift. On the local news the next morning, the man appeared to have been dropped at the hospital with a broken jaw and a soul full of remorse.

(Lancer actually laughed when he informed Shirou of this story.

“You were there and didn’t say anything?”

“Hey, I was the guy who had to deal with the asshole after he made our barista run off. It wasn’t a big deal, I just happened to call in a favor from a friend. Plus, he deserved it.”

And Lancer winked, like they were sharing an inside joke.)

And so on and so forth. Nobody could purge the service industry of customer horror stories, but this mystery Servant seemed to be doing his damnedest to make a dent in the problem. He was the most ghost-like of any Servant that Shriou had ever encountered.

Ayako and Kaede quickly became regulars at the cafe. Shirou thought it was hard to tell whether or not they were in love with the mystery Servant or whether or not they wanted to challenge him to a duel. It seemed to be a combination of both.

“He’s like, the toughest guy I’ve ever seen,” said Ayako, mystified. “I swear I thought he was going to tear that woman’s throat out.”

“This guy threatened a customer,” Shirou said, “and you’re happy?”

“Well, she was being rude to Yukika,” Kaede retorted, like that settled the matter. “I mean, I wasn’t counting, but I think she sent her coffee back six times before anyone said anything. She kept berating her like it was Yukika’s fault that she kept changing her mind about sugar and milk. She literally lied about what her original order was to get a free drink. It was awful.”

“But then this guy shows up,” Ayako continued the story, talking over Kaede as she continued muttering about the injustice faced by the track team’s manager. “And he clocks what’s happening, like, instantly. I dunno where the blue-haired guy was, I guess he was late for his shift or something, but he just - “

She motioned like she was trying to take up more space than her physical body allowed.

“I swear, it was like you could’ve heard a pin drop! He takes one look at Yukika and just goes up to the lady and -”

Another vague gesture like a karate chop.

“He hit this woman?” Shirou said, outraged.

“Nah, he wouldn’t hit anyone,” Kaede said, nodding sagely. “He doesn’t really need to, you know? You could just take one look at him and you know not to mess with this guy when he’s mad.”

That settled it. Shirou had to investigate on his own, since obviously no one else was going to take this seriously. It was bad that customers were mistreating the staff at Yukika’s job, but a Servant threatening humans was unacceptable.

It was time, at last, to enlist Saber’s help.

She had been living at Shirou’s house since her restoration, recovering from her injuries. Shirou hated the idea of asking her to fight again, especially when she was so clearly enjoying her life as a “normal human,” but he couldn’t afford to hold back if there was a dangerous, unknown Servant in the city. To her credit, Saber was happy to assist. She said she had been meaning to drop by and try Archer’s cooking for quite some time.

The two of them met on Sunday for lunch. Saber ordered two coffees and went into the kitchen to see Archer. Yukika wasn’t on shift today, so Shirou didn’t recognize any of the other staff. But he did notice that they all kept watching the door, as if waiting for something.

After the coffees arrived (Saber’s was left to cool on the table), the bell above the door chimed. Shirou felt the shift in the area’s magical energy before he looked up and saw the Servant himself. It was remarkably subtle, considering that it was like an icy draft passing through the cafe. You wouldn’t notice unless you were looking for it.

The waitstaff was suddenly all smiles.

Shirou looked up - and felt his jaw drop to the floor.

He did not look remotely threatening. The mystery Servant was, in fact, the most physically beautiful person that Shirou had ever seen in his life. Tall and muscular - his build was not dissimilar to Lancer, though he lacked Lancer’s wolfish aura - with a head of dark, thick curls. His face was elegant, from piercing, bright eyes all the way down to his perfect lips, only marred by a tiny beauty mark beneath his right eye.

Shirou had to look away, blushing despite himself. What the hell is wrong with me? He realized belatedly that he had come to this battle totally unprepared for a charm attack.

Is this guy cursed or something?

That was the only explanation. Why else did he feel like he would collapse if he looked this Servant directly in the face for too long? It wasn’t normal.

And on second glance, it appeared that Shirou wasn’t the only person taken aback. A couple on a date had paused their conversation to stare at the Servant, murmuring their appreciation in hushed tones; a middle-aged woman was holding a fork in her hand, oblivious to the fact that her cake had just splattered over her shoes. Two little kids were waving at him, apparently recognizing him from somewhere, and their parents had to hurriedly shush them because it’s rude to try and pull someone out of a conversation like that.

One of the waiters was talking to him. Shirou strained to listen, shaking himself.

“Want the usual?”

“If it’s not too much trouble,” said the Servant, in a smooth, polite voice that made Shirou hate him irrationally. Stupid, handsome guy. “Is Cu in today?”

“I think he said he’s on vacation,” the waiter replied. “But Emiya’s here if you want to talk to him.”

Shirou looked up, baffled by the fact that the unfamiliar waiter knew his name, momentarily forgetting that Archer had stolen his name as a cover-up.

The Servant noticed. Barely a glance, a flicker of the gaze in his direction.

Shirou turned back and drank deeply from his coffee, which scalded his tongue.

“Oh, I see,” said the Servant, sounding amused now. “Thank you.”

“Sure thing! I’ll let him know you’re here.”

Once the initial shock of the Servant’s appearance dissipated, everything went back to normal so fast that it was almost jarring. The middle-aged woman clicked her tongue and grabbed napkins to clean up her shoes; the couple resumed planning the rest of their day; the kids kept eating, having gotten bored with trying to get the Servant’s attention. The faint, drafty aura of magic passed and the temperature in the cafe seemed to rise back to comfortable levels. Definitely cursed, Shirou decided, frowning into his coffee cup.

“Excuse me?”

Shirou blanched. The Servant had appeared behind him, smiling patiently.

“Are you waiting for someone?” he asked, indicating Saber’s coffee cup.

Shirou was suddenly, oddly conflicted. Without knowing what this Servant was capable of, was it fair to expose Saber like this?

“Uh, no,” he said, uselessly. “Well, not exactly.”

The Servant waited, patiently, for him to explain. Shirou grimaced.

“My friend is a friend of the guy who cooks here,” he said, hating himself for giving it away. “She wanted to come visit him, so I’m just waiting for her to get back before we leave.”

“Really?” said the Servant, smiling. “That’s nice. You’re a friend of Emiya?”

Shirou twitched. “No. I am Emiya.”

“Oh?”

“Not related to that guy, obviously,” he muttered. “But - anyway,” Shirou blurted, suddenly noticing a distinctive piece of fly-away blonde hair emerging from the kitchen, “it’s a long story, and we’d better get going, so see you later -”

He hastily threw some money down on the table for his coffee and rushed to Saber’s side.

“What’s the matter?” she asked him, brows furrowed with concern. “I thought that you were -”

“Saber!”

Shirou winced, and then - wait a minute. How on Earth did the enemy Servant know Saber’s name!?

To his horror, a huge smile spread over Saber’s face.

“Saber, don’t!” Shirou hissed. “You have to look away! This guy’s got some kind of charm spell on him that -”

Saber only laughed and lightly pushed him aside. Though she’d scarcely used a fraction of her true strength, Shirou stumbled.

“Oh, don’t be silly, Shirou. This is an old friend of mine.”

And she crossed the cafe in order to give the Servant a huge hug. Because Saber was approximately half of the mystery Servant’s size, he was able to lift her easily and spun her in a circle. Saber laughed at this.

“I must admit I’m surprised!” she said. “I didn’t think -”

Saber seemed to become self-conscious. But the enemy Servant merely beamed.

“Think nothing of it! I had no idea you were here in the city.”

“Really? Cu and Emiya didn’t tell you?”

“They mentioned a surprise,” said the Servant, shrugging. “I suppose this must be it.”

Saber shook her head. “Of course they did. Foolish boys.”

“I must apologize - I was introducing myself to your friend.”

“Oh, yes! This is my current Master, Shirou. Shirou,” said Saber, waving to him. “This is my old friend - he was a Lancer in the previous quest for the Grail.”

“Please,” said the former Lancer, “call me Diarmuid, if you’d like.”

He gave away his True Name so casually. Who the hell is he, though? Shirou frowned as he came closer.

“Sorry,” he muttered. “I didn’t realize you were one of Saber’s friends.”

“And I did not realize you were a mage,” said Diarmuid, breezily. “But no matter! Are you really leaving?” he asked Saber. “Your Master has indicated that you might have plans -”

“Nonsense!” Saber assured him, cheerful as well. “We were just sitting down. Did you order? I’ve been meaning to try Archer’s cooking for awhile, you see, so I plan to stay here for the afternoon.”

Saber and Diarmuid walked back to their table and pulled up a third chair.

Shirou bit back a groan.

It was going to be a long day.

[xnovamore]

Part 2 of my previous entry for the Home for the holidays event run by @femslashfairies and @ftmlmages

Gratsu and Lucana, mentions of past Graycana

Gray entered through the door of his house quietly hoping to slip in past his parents. He threw one more desperate glance at his phone screen, yet it still remained blank. Mentally cursing his boyfriend, he rushed towards the stairs leading to his room only to be stopped by a booming voice in the kitchen.

“Gray! Did you get our drinks?”

Cursing once again, Gray walked towards the kitchen where his parents sat at the head of the table.  Their frown at his empty hands turned into a worried look once they saw his face. He must have looked as panicked on the outside as he felt on the inside because her mother walked over speaking in a concerned tone.

“Gray? I haven’t seen you look this worried in a long time! Did something happen?” She placed a hand on chin twisting his face around as if looking for an injury.

“I’m fine mom!” He stepped away from her hands. “But uh…Gil-I mean Mr. Gildarts invited me over to his house for dinner-but I don’t have to go if you want to eat together like we usually do! I can just tell him I can’t come and-”

“Nonsense!” Silver barked slapping an arm on his son’s shoulders. “You haven’t had a play-date with little Cana in forever! You two used to be so close until you started college. What happened?”

Chucklingly nervously, Gray avoided his parents gaze. “We just grew apart is all.”

They eyed him suspiciously before Silver shrugged. “Well it happens, but that’s no excuse to keep avoiding her. Your both adults now. it would be good for both of you to reconnect.”

At that moment, Gray’s phone went off in a familiar buzz. Moving away from his parents he quickly glanced at his phone and confirmed it was the man he’s been waiting for to text him. His parents suspicious looks doubled as he stuttered out an excuse of needing to change before running off to his room.

Gray slammed the door shut behind him letting its slam echo down the halls. His fist connecting to the brown wood came next. He hated this. Hated the constant fear and anxiety and lying whenever he talked to his parents about these things. Not only did they not know about Cana, they didn’t know about anyone he dated. From high school till now, Gray never said a word about any of his partners to his parents. He’s never been in a relationship as far they know. He’s not even sure what he’s so scared of either. Before, he never told them because he was still unsure himself, then he never said anything because he didn’t think the small number of relationships he had after Cana were substantial enough to bring home. Well, until now that is.

Gray pulled out his phone and eager to read Natsu’s response. Like magic, all the anxiety and fear he was feeling at the moment vanished as his lips twitched into a smile.

Wha??

Im confused

Am I the girlfriend orrr??

Cus if I am fuck u snowflake

Chuckling Gray hit the ‘call’ phone.

“Hello?”

“No you fucking idiot.”

“Oh shut the hell up! First you didn’t text me back when we were talking about your parents dick then Erza made me help her clean her apartment! Now I’m sore and Happy’s upset cause he’s home alone again since you’re not here. Then you texted me weird shit”

That’s right, Gray had texted him before leaving to the coffee shop. Before he started driving he texted Natsu a very important question that he has yet to read the answer to. “Oh yeah…my bad. Something came up and I didn’t read your reply before texting you again.”

“Dude what happened? You sound all weird.”

Rolling his eyes at his boyfriend’s vocabulary, Gray flopped down on his bed. “You remember my ex-girlfriend I told you about? The one that lives across the street from me?”

“The one into tarot reading? Yeah.”

“I ran into her dad. He wants me to come over to dinner…tonight.”

Gray retold the story with wild hand gestures and dramatics Natsu couldn’t see but the man knew his boyfriend well enough to envision. It took about 5 minutes and various threats for Natsu to stop laughing. It was moments like these Gray wished Natsu was there so he could punch him. “Natsu your still as annoying as when we first met!” He hissed into the phone.

“Calm down ice princess! It’s just funny you got so worked up. Didn’t you say you grew up together? What’s the big deal about going to dinner?”

“Because we dated! And we broke up without ever really talking about everything.”

“She doesn’t know your bi?”

“I told you Natsu no one here does. She knows I’d been with a guy but I wasn’t sure about my sexuality back then.”

“But you asked me if I wanted to meet your parents earlier?”

“Yeah I know…” Gray closed his eyes thinking about the text he hastily sent before leaving for the coffee shop. “I meant it. I’m tired of keeping this from his parents. I want you to meet them Natsu-that is if you want? I actually haven’t read your response.”

“Of course I do!” Natsu snorted as if the question was ridiculous. The words sent warmth throughout Gray. The knowledge that Natsu wanted this too, was just as serious about them as Gray was, made him swoon every time. Not that he’d ever tell Natsu that, of course.

“But only if you go to that dinner tonight.”

“What? Why!”

“Because she’s important to you Gray. Someone doesn’t need to leave your life permanently after a breakup. You can be exes and still care for each while just being friends. Look at me and Erza! Breakups aren’t always a bad thing. Sometimes you are both good people that are better off not dating.”

Gray took time to think it over as Natsu stayed uncharacteristically quiet over the phone. Gray couldn’t lie, he did miss Cana. The two years not speaking to her had always weighed down on him. He had met a lot of wonderful people at university, but none of them knew him and his history the way she did. Every semester break he would glance over at her house and imagine walking over to say hi, but he could never get the courage to do it. Gosh he wanted to though. “You’re not bothered by this?” He asked Natsu softly.

He could tell Natsu was rolling his eyes at him. “Are you bothered by me and Erza hanging out? No, I trust you idiot.  Buy her flowers, go to dinner, and get your friend back. Text me your address tonight and we can handle you coming out to your parents together.”

It was moments like this that he was so thankful Natsu had thrown up on him during their first day of university. He didn’t know where he’d be without his pink-haired fiery tempered little punk. “I love you. I love you so much.”

“I know, I love you too. I’ll see you tomorrow Gray.”

~

Gray had been mentally crafting a script of what he was going to say since he left his house. Armed with bouquet in hand, he approached the Clive-Alberona house only to freeze once reached the stairs. There leaning against the wall was the girl whom he’d been thinking of the entire day.

She smiled at him causally as if they were 16 again and Gray was coming over as always after school. Her hair was shorter than he remembered, maybe she cut it? And she had a tattoo on her wrist of what looked like keys but that was the only difference he could see. She still had the same chestnut brown hair and leather jacket she loved wearing when it was cold out. Still wore her blue jeans over thigh-high that he once told her made ass look great.

Still wore the silver necklace he brought for her 18th birthday, the last birthday they spent together.

“Hey.” He said when he finally reached her.

“Hey stranger.” She said back. Her eyes roamed over him the same way his did her before stopping on the banquet of irises.

He quickly jerked them towards her. “These are for you!”

She blinked in surprised before taking them hesitantly. Her fingers ran across the petals as she looked at the bouquet like it was mystery she needed to solve. “Thank you?”

He nodded and walked to sit on the stairs. She followed. They spent of few minutes in quiet until she broke it. “Why flowers Gray?”

“It just seemed like the right thing to do.”

“Why? You don’t…you don’t want to get back together do you?”

“What? No! It’s not that type of gift!” Gray waved his hands around in exasperation then tried to take the flowers back when she laughed.

“Sorry I was just making sure! I didn’t think you would avoid me 2 years if you wanted to get back together anyway.”

The silence came back.

“I thought you were avoiding me?”

She shrugged looking away. “Maybe I was.”

Gray wasn’t sure what to say to that. He tried to search her face but keep her head turned away. Instead his eyes were once again pulled to her tattoo. Now that he was closer, he could see that is looked a group of tiny keys held together by a golden string. The string made a loop with what looked to be like initials inside.

“Cool tattoo.”

Her hand covered it almost instinctively. The small smile that overtook her face immediately caught his interest. It was soft, loving almost. He had only seen her look like that when they had found time to sneak off and just be them.

Oh

“Is it for someone special?”

She turned back towards him examining his face. Whatever she saw, or didn’t see, seemed to make her relax. “Maybe. Would it bother you if it did?”

“No.”

And he meant it. Even after these years, he could still read Cana and that small smile spoke a thousand words. The thought of Cana being happy in a relationship with someone else brought him nothing but joy. He felt the panic from earlier completely disappear. He was so stuck on viewing Cana as an ex that he forgot she was also his best-friend. And he wanted nothing more than for his best-friend to be happy. He now understand what Natsu meant during their call. He was going to get his best friend back.

“I’m glad Cana, I mean it.”

She smiled she gave him was a large one filled with unspoken warmth and relief. “Thanks Gray, that means a lot.” She bumped his shoulder with hers. “What about you? I don’t believe you’ve been single all this time.”

“Yeah well I uh-…” He paused taking a breath. This was far from his first time talking about his sexuality. All his friends at college knew he was bi and dating Natsu. And this wasn’t just anyone, this was Cana. The person who, once upon a time, knew him better than anyone. He smiled into her brown eyes.

“My boyfriend was the one who told me to buy you flowers.”

“Oh?” She didn’t even seem surprised. “Well tell him I said thank you. He seems like a great guy; you were never this sweet to me before.”

Its like a weight was lifted off his chest. He threw his head back in laughter. He laughed and laughed until he felt tears bristling to the corners of his eyes. “You’re such a lair Cana. You never liked this kind of stuff anyway. Does your boyfriend buy you flowers?”

“Lucy.”

“What?”

She gave him that soft smile again. “Not a boyfriend. Lucy.”

Oh

“Lucy then.” They bumped shoulders again and Gray knew they were going to be alright.

~

Lucy, it turns out, was a bubbling blonde with a big smile and a matching tattoo of keys and initials on her wrist. She was also a frequent dinner quest at the Clive-Alberona household and Gildart’s proud future-daughter-in-law (both she and Cana went red when Gildarts said that making Gray laugh so hard he didn’t mind Cana’s punch to the gut). Lucy was also sweet. She didn’t look at Gray with any hint of malice and made an effort to make sure he was included in all of their conversations. She had pulled him aside before they sat down to eat and told him she was so happy he was back in Cana’s life.

“It doesn’t bother you?” He asked her the same question he asked Natsu.

“No way! You’re good for her. She doesn’t open up easily to people and I know she missed you. I’m glad you two and can move on together as friends.”

He decided then that he really liked Lucy. “I’m glad she has you too. I can tell she really loves you.”

Throughout the dinner Cana’s gaze never strayed too far from Lucy. It was on her hands when Lucy was helping serve the food. It was on her mouth when Cana told a stupid joke just to make her laugh. It was on her lips when Lucy caught her staring and threw a small smirk Cana’s way. It was on the tattoo when Lucy laced their fingers together and let them rest on top of the dinner table. Gildarts caught his look and gave a knowing smile. It made Gray wonder if Cana told him about them, but that was a conversation for another time.

Lucy turned bright red and gave him a wide twinkling smile. “I love her too, more than anything.”

~

It was after dinner that Gray and Cana headed back outside to together in front of what used to be their treehouse. They had talked about everything in lives from their high school graduation until now. They filled the time until the sun set and the sky darkened into night with tales of their college adventures and plans for their holiday break. It wasn’t until the topic of Natsu meeting his parents that they paused.

“I could come with you, if you want.”

The words were quiet but sincere. He knew that she meant it, that if he asked she would be there at his doorstep by his and Natsu’s side as he opened up to his parents.

His smile stretched wide wondering once again how he got so lucky to still have her in his life. “I think I’d like that.”

[thehomeforthehopelessromantics]

It’s Always Been Me and You: Part 1

You were at your best friend, (c/n)’s house having your weekly sleep over like you two had been doing since you were 13. After soon to be 5 years it had become ritual and it was hard to picture life without him. A few months ago you’d had a slight crush on him, but you seemed to have gotten those feelings under wraps since then.

“… (y/n)? Hello? Earth to (y/n)? Were you even listening?”

“Uhh, yeah. O-of course I was,” you stumble, lying right through your teeth.

“So that’s a no,” he huffed. “Am I that boring that even my own best friend won’t listen to me?”

“You’re not boring you just don’t have the most interesting stories to tell. Literally no one wants to hear a story about some cute girl you saw at the cafe that you didn’t even talk to. That’s like reading a novel where all the main character does is go to school, get good grades and goes home to a perfect family with little to no other human contact.”

“Well, what was I supposed to do?” he shrugged, looking at you confused.

“Talk to her. Tell her you thought she was cute, something.”

“And risk embarrassing myself?”

“Yes,” you breathed out exasperatedly. This guy is completely hopeless. “You know what your problem is? You go about life playing everything so safe. Take a risk every once in a while.“

"And do what?”

“I don’t know. Talk to someone you like or go skinny dipping, but as your best friend I’m requiring you to do something,” you said only half joking. Seriously, if he doesn’t do something with himself soon you think he might die of boredom. You can’t have that, he still owes you for all the times you lied and pretended to be his girlfriend. He can’t die before you cash in.

“Aww, (Y/N) if you wanted me to strip all you have to do is say so, you know that.” he teased, quirking up an eyebrow suggestively causing you to roll your eyes.

“Very funny. If I saw something I hadn’t seen before I’ll throw a dollar at it. You seem to forget we’ve been friends since we were 13. There couldn’t possibly be anything I haven’t seen, especially since the amount of times you walked into my stark naked claiming that’s ‘just what you usually did.’ I still have the nightmares by the way.”

“And you seem to forget exactly how much I changed in the past few years. For starters I don’t do that anymore, sadly for you.” He pouted at you mockingly, his hand coming up to graze the side of your face, resting on the spot where your neck and jaw meet.

"Yes because seeing a guy she’s been friends with forever stark naked is on every girls bucket list. How silly of me to forget,” you aid sarcastically, a small laugh escaping your lips as you flicked his hand away.

“Oh shut up,” he laughs. “You want me, love. It’s okay to admit it,” he teases having nothing else to say.

“Only in your dreams, babe.” You let out a loud laugh and he gives you a soft gaze and a smile.

“Alright. Let’s say I do risk it, what happens then?”

“Well you might just get the girls number.”

“Or get horribly burned. Girls can be cruel when rejecting guys, I’ve seen you do it before,” he countered, recalling your rejecting of other guys in his head. He imagined you saying those things to him and surprisingly it hurt more than he’d thought it would.

“Let’s make a deal. If you can take a risk that I deem worthy within the next month then I’ll do any one thing you want,” You offered, shifting to sit Indian-style. The strap on the tank-top you were wearing falling down. His eyes glanced at it, staying there a beat too long before returning his focus to you.

You had a sneaking suspicion you might end up regretting this deal the second it left your mouth and that mischievous glint in his eye came. Whenever you saw it you know one thing for sure— he was gonna cause some trouble.

“Anything? Anything at all?”

“Anything,” You assured. “So, do we have a deal?” You offered your hand to him and he took it with a smirk.

“Fabulous, so when I make you be my personal maid for 2 months don’t say anything. I might even throw in one of those cute little maid outfits, you’ve got the legs for it,” (c/n) teased. You reached out and shoved him.

“Shut up, you actually have to do it first, so don’t go picking out sizes just yet.”

***

The next weekend…

“Can you stop being so difficult?” You groaned, letting your head fall in your hands.

(C/n) was proving to be the most difficult person in your life. All you were asking was for him to go with you to this business party your parents were making you go to. He was already staying over your house for the rest of the weekend, so you didn’t see what the big deal was.

“Do you not remember the last time I went with you to one of these things?!” he hollered, throwing his hands in the air. “Let me jog your memory. A guy, hitting on you— me trying to be your protector. Me ending up in the fountain.”

“We were 14, for Christ’s sake! How long are you gonna hold on to that one?” Your eyes widened as you stared at him in awe.

Being this difficult must be painful.

“As long as I live,” he said, flopping down on your bed dramatically. Shaking your head you rolled your eyes for what felt like the 100th time today.

“Fine,” you said while positioning yourself so you were lying next to him, you staring at the ceiling while he looked at you from the corner of his eye. “Leave me there. Alone. With no one to talk to. I guess I’ll have to just have to talk to one of my parents semi interesting good looking 20 year old coworker’s son. I won’t really be paying attention though, I’ll be too busy imagining what he’d be like in bed.”

“You’re still a minor, in case you forgot,” he snapped at you, clenching his jaw as you spoke.

“Only for a little while longer,” you shrugged. “I wonder if he could make me cu-”

“Alright!” He cut you off abruptly. “I’ll go, just no more talk of you sleeping with a 20 year old. I’m still shocked you slept with Blake.” He rolled his eyes hard as he said my ex’s name. Blake was your first real boyfriend, you were together for a year and a half and he was with Monica for a year of that. Needless to say, you weren’t down with being just one of his girlfriends. (C/N) got so mad when you told him about it— you don’t know what he did to Blake, all you know is he never bothered you again and still cowers at the sight of (C/N.)

“Aye, that was a mistake. I didn’t know he had a whole other girlfriend at the time,” you defended, knowing you really didn’t have to. (C/N) understood what happened as well as you did.

“I told you from the jump something was off about that guy,” he started as his voice trailed off and a faint scowl appeared on his face. “He was always too perfect for you.”

“Ouch,” you winced, shifting onto your side to look at him. “Do I not deserve perfect?”

“Hey,” he drawled, turning to match my position so we were now facing each other, only a few inches apart. “I didn’t mean it like that. You deserve every good and beautiful thing in the world. Blake wanted to prove that he was capable of being the guy who deserved you. He never realized that you don’t need someone deserve someone who’s always perfect. You’d be bored out of your mind. You deserve to be loved by someone who’s genuine and means it. You deserve to be happy with someone who’s just as happy, if not more happy with you.” Reaching out, he dragged a finger lazily behind you ear and down your jaw where he caressed the skin.

“You deserve to be desired and wanted and loved.”

Your lips parted slightly as he finished his mini speech. What on earth were you supposed to say to that? Maybe you could’ve come up with a proper response if he wasn’t look at you like that. You didn’t know how to describe it, but what you did know is that it made your whole body heat up. The air around the two of you got hotter as the seconds went by.

Not sure what else to do, you laugh nervously, grabbing his hand from your face and holding it in your own. “Someone’s been doing their lit homework.” You swallowed hard. “We should uh… we should go let my folks know that you’re coming with us.”

He nodded his head, still not taking his eyes off you— clearly lost in whatever tension was in the air between you two.

You sat up on the bed, pulling him up with you, letting go of his hand that felt uncharacteristically warmer than usual.

***

Next day…

“Can you hurry up please? Your parents are waiting for us in the car,” (C/N) called out to you through the bathroom door. You were applying lipstick as he spoke and you rolled your eyes. “Jesus, (Y/N), wha-“

He had every intention of asking you what you were doing that was taking so long, but when you opened the door, the words died on his tongue and his jaw dropped as he took you in.

The dress was all black and sleeveless. The collar coming all the way to the base of your neck. It hugged you in all the right places, accentuating your small waist. His eyes trailed down your stunning legs to see you had on a pair of simple black pumps. Looking up at your face he saw that your hair was pinned up beautifully with a few pieces of hair falling in front of your face. You had on a minimal makeup since you didn’t feel like having to worry about maintaining a full face. Just a light coverage foundation, liner, falsies and highlighter. You also had on a striking red lipstick that caught his eye almost immediately.

“Wow, um..” His hand shot up to rub the back of his neck as he looked you up and down again, still reeling over the sight of you. “You- you look amazing.”

“You don’t clean up too bad either,” you joked, reaching out to fix the collar of his shirt. He had on a crisp white button down and black slacks, looking very polished and put together. You had to admit, it was a very sexy look for him, although something was slightly off. Eyeing him closely your thought you might know something to help. You undid his top button and his hand came up to cover yours.

“Wha-what are you doing?” He stuttered, looking at you with a bit of panic in his eyes.

“The top button makes you look stuffy. Unbuttoned you look more… relaxed,” you explained. “More…” you searched your brain for the right word. “Sexy.” Your fingertips lightly grazed the now exposed skin unconsciously. It took a moment for him to comprehend what you were saying— your light touch distracting him but, the second it did sink in a smirk appeared on his face.

“You think I look sexy?” He teased, taking the hand he was covering and using it to pull you up against him. His free arm wrapped itself around your waist. You shook your head and laughed lightly, trying to calm your heartbeat. This was the type of stuff that made you start to like him before. The boy was such a goddamn tease— the worst part was that you loved it.

“Ha ha,” you drawled. “You’re really funny y’know that?” You patted his chest and pushed him back, needing the cloudiness you were starting to feel to go away. “C’mon, hot stuff. We’ve got a party to go to.”

You moved around him, reaching into your closet to pull out your floor length beige trench coat before putting it on and tying the belt on it snug. From the corner of your eye you saw him put on his black overcoat and gray scarf.

Turning to you he offered his arm to you. “Shall we m’lady?”

Slinging your arm into his you smiled at him. “We shall.”

***

“Y/N! Oh my gosh, hey!” An all too familiar voice shrieked. You tensed as you internally groaned, turning at the sound of her heels clicking on the floor coming towards you rapidly.

You were dragged into a suffocating hug with the girl and it took everything in you not to roll your eyes.

“Hello, Jacqueline,” you said, plastering on a fake smile as you pulled back. Jacqueline was the daughter of your parents boss, meaning that no matter how irritating you found her you still had to play nice. It wasn’t anything personal, she was just extremely spoiled and whenever you were around her it felt like she was bossing you around. “How are you?”

“Absolutely splendid!” She gushed. “Mother just bought me these…”

Her words started to sound fuzzy as you quickly tuned her out. You’d become a master at hold a conversation where you didn’t know or care about what was going on. That girl can talk for hours. She doesn’t really need a response. She just loves to hear herself talk.

You found yourself wondering where (C/N) was. He said he was going to the bathroom a few minutes ago, but now he was no where to be seen.

You let your eyes wander briefly before finding him talking to a girl, you think her name is Lilith. You didn’t know her too well just yet since she was new to coming to these events, but she was 17 like you and absolutely gorgeous. She was wearing a simple white dress that flared out at the waist. She had a body that any man— or woman for that matter would kill to get their hands on. More importantly she was smiling at (C/N) hard. She laughed at something he said and let her hand “casually” fall on his arm.

(C/N) looked just as amused and entertained by her as she did by him. Something about watching the two of them together made you picture them as a proper couple and you felt your heart sink.

You must’ve been frowning because Jacqueline snapped her fingers in front of your face, drawing your attention to her.

“(Y/N)? Have you been listening to me? Do you want to go get something to drink?”

“Oh uh,” you shook your head, as if clearing away your thoughts, “sure.”

She promptly wrapped her hand around your wrist and dragged you to the bar where (C/N) and Lilith were standing. The bartender asked you what you wanted and Jacqueline ordered a glass of champagne while you stuck with a Shirley Temple. You’re a light weight when it comes to alcohol, so unless you wanted your parents to see their daughter cut loose while intoxicated, you were gonna steer clear of the alcohol tonight.

“How ‘bout you handsome?” Jacqueline flirted, placing a hand delicately on (C/N)’s shoulder. Finally turning around he saw Jacqueline and removed her hand before he saw you and smiled.

“There you are, love, I was wondering where you were.” He watched as the bartender placed a glass of champagne in front of Jacqueline who took it and left, clearly not liking the response she’d gotten from (C/N). The bartender placed your drink in front of you and (C/N) quirked an eyebrow. “You’re drinking tonight? With your parents here?”

“Of course not, it’s a Shirley Temple. Do I look like I belong in a crazy house?” You asked absurdly.

“Too bad, I was looking forward to seeing you get on the bar and start dancing.” He grinned down at you.

“Sorry to disappoint.” You rolled your eyes as he bumped his hip with yours.

“Oh by the way,” he started, putting his hand at the small of your back to push you forward. You came face to face with Lilith, who was watching you and (C/N) curiously. “This is Lilith. She said the two of you hadn’t really met so, I figured I should help change that.”

“It’s a pleasure to meet you,” she said pleasantly, offering a hand to you. God, even her voice was gorgeous.

“Likewise,” you said politely, giving her a slight smile and shaking her hand, although you doubt she noticed. She was too busy watching (C/N) talk to the bartender about who knows what. You felt a spark of anger in your stomach as you quickly dropped her hand. “Well I didn’t mean to intrude on your evening-“

“Oh you didn’t!” She exclaimed. “I was just talking to (C/N) most of the night. Sorry if I seem a bit distracted. Are the two of you close?”

“Who? Me and Jacqueline?” You scrunched up your nose at the thought.

Laughing, she shook her head at you. “No, I mean you and (C/N), you two seem awfully comfortable with each other.”

“Oh, well we’ve been friends for about 5 years now. He’s my best friend, I don’t know what I’d do without him,” you said honestly. A small smile appearing on your face as you spoke.

“That so sweet,” she beamed as you took a sip of your drink. “This might seem a bit forward, but does he have a girlfriend?”

You choked on your drink as the words left her mouth. “I’m sorry- what?”

“Oh c’mon,” she begged. “You’re his best friend, you have to know if he’s seeing anyone.”

“If you want to know if he’s single so badly then ask him,” you snipped at her like it was obvious. Clenching your jaw, your body tensed up as you tried desperately to keep anything rude or snarky from leaving your lips.

“Please,” she grabbed your hand and took it in both of her. “I’d be mortified if I asked him that and he said he had one. I know he’s your friend and all, but please. Help me out here?”

You looked at her and she was giving you puppy dog eyes. For a brief second you weren’t upset that she wanted (C/N), you were upset that she didn’t want you. She’s gorgeous and clearly willing to put in effort.

You got rid of that thought as quickly as it came before you sighed. “He’s very single at the moment.”

She let out a squeal before mouthing the words thank you and giving you a big hug. She then promptly left to go talk to (C/N) again. You watched for a moment and saw that he was putting his number in her phone and vice versa. That’s when you decided you’d had quite enough of tonight and wanted to go home. You ended up sitting with Jacqueline for the rest of the night listening to her talk about some guy who accidentally spilled his drink and it almost got on her new designer shoes and handbag. You watched Lilith and (C/N) talk and laugh and felt a deep sense of sadness in the pit of your stomach.

***

Wednesday…

You’d been a bit off for the past few days and it didn’t go unnoticed by (C/N), who tried to figure out what was wrong, but ultimately decided that you would come to him when you were ready.

“How long are you gonna be mad at this poor guy? He’s been walking around like a lost puppy for the past few days,” your friend Angel asked you, laughing as she took a sip of her water bottle. The two of you were sitting in the library during your lunch period. You were supposed to be studying but that quickly turned into talking about anything but academics.

“I’m not mad at him,” you argued. You honestly weren’t. You just couldn’t shake the feeling you’d had since the party. Being around him was weird at the moment since you didn’t know what it was nor how to get rid of it.

“Then can you tell that to him? He’s super out of wack.” You laughed lightly and shook your head. “Y’know I actually think that he likes you.”

“As if.” You ignored the little spur of hope that gathered in your chest.

“I’m serious!” Angel said, holding her hands up in innocence as you shot her a look tell her to stop. “Believe what you want, girlie. I think the boy has it bad for you.”

“If he has it bad for me then why did he get a girl’s number at my parents business party on Saturday,” you snapped back at her. She looked taken aback for a second before a look of realization dawned on her.

“You like him,” she whispered excitedly. “That’s why you’re avoiding him, because you’re jealous.”

“I am not jealous and I don’t like him,” you hissed at her, trying your best to defend yourself. But honestly hearing her say exactly what you were thinking was a tough pill to swallow.

“Whatever you say, Doll.” She winked at you and returned her attention to her book. Letting out a frustrated sigh, you did the same, knowing there was no talking her out of this. Also knowing that she was entirely right.

So much for getting control of that little crush.

***

Friday…

“What do you mean I can’t come over?” You asked (C/N) through the phone. You’d texted him letting him know that you had packed you bag for the weekend and we’re gonna shower and be over in half an hour. You were prepared to get over yourself and your feelings for the sake of your friendship with him.

He was way too important to you for you to lose him over a silly crush.

“I’m sorry, love. But Lilith wants to come over and see me and I don’t think it’s a good look if she sees that you stay the night at my house every other weekend. Besides, I…” his voice trailed off and got quiet. “I don’t know, I just don’t think it’s a good idea.”

“So I can’t come over because you wanna boo love with your new girlfriend?” You said sarcastically through the phone.

“Hey, that’s not fair. You know it’s not like that. What are you so mad about anyways? Can’t you just do something else this weekend?” He offered and it only infuriated you further.

“I didn’t want to do anything else this weekend. Weekends are our thing. They have been for 5 years. I’ve never made plans on a weekend that didn’t involve you. Hell, not even when I had a boyfriend!”

“I don’t know what you expect me to do here, (Y/N)! Lilith wants to come over and you can’t be here when she does. Weren’t you the one telling me to live a little? What? Now that I’m trying to, you’re mad at me?” He seethed at you and before you could even open your mouth to respond he was speaking again. “God, you’re so clingy.”

You were gonna back down. You were gonna apologize. You were gonna cool off. Then this bastard went and called you clingy.

“I’m clingy?!” You hollered, now on your feet, pacing the length of your room.

“Yes! Always hanging around me—attached to my leg like a toddler. Can you just grow up and get a life of your own already? God, I don’t even know why I’m friends with you, anymore.” He huffed angrily.

You held your breath, mouth hung open. “You don’t know why you’re friends with me anymore?” Your voice was calm and level compared to the yelling you were just doing. You didn’t sound angry or upset. You sounded calm, cool and collected. The drastic change of tone made his blood go cold, realizing just how badly he messed up.

The line was silent for a minute. He didn’t dare to even breathe out of fear of making this worse.

“Have fun with Lilith, (C/N).”

You ended the call.

[rambling-at-midnight]

Don’t You Believe Me?

Request: Could you write a klaus imagine where it’s a couple years post-canon. the reader has been pining for him for ages but swallows it cus they don’t believe he returns their feelings. when he tells them that he loves them they’re just like “lmao sure” cus all of their friends and partners have left them and no one has ever loved them enough to stay so they don’t believe him. They aren’t like sad about it either, just resigned and making light of it to deal with how much it hurts to not be wanted.

Pairing: Klaus x Reader (Oneshot)

“He’s probably lying, though,” you mutter to yourself, chewing on your thumbnail as you pace around your small room, bare feet sinking into Emily’s plush carpet with every step. Your phone is in your hand, screen glowing as it displays the nine-word text that’s causing you so much anxiety. When the screen dims, you tap it again. You just need to look at the text in order to get a feel for it.

“What does he have to gain from lying to you?” your roommate, Emily, asks from where she’s laying on her stomach on her bed. Her hair is curled perfectly and her clothes are fashionable and look cute. You don’t know how she does it. You always look terrible no matter how hard you try and your hair can’t hold a curl to save your life. It’s especially impressive considering how just yesterday she’d been bawling her eyes out.

“He could humiliate me!” you exclaim, your voice loud. Someone in the hall down yells to shut up, which in turn makes other people yell at them, until everyone’s yelling and then it lapses into stony, brooding silence. You hiss, “He could be saying it to stand me up or something!”

“Y/N, we’re not in middle school anymore,” Emily responds. “Trust me, no one’s going to be putting in this much effort in order to stand you up.”

“I don’t know,” you say, your phone screen dimming once more. You tap the screen and accidentally on the new message, which means now Charles will be able to see that you’ve opened up the text. “Shit!” You drop your phone like a hot potato. The offending text glares up at you: You know, you’re actually rly cute. Wanna meet up?

“Haven’t you guys been talking for, like, weeks?” Emily asks, blowing a large bubble and sending her friend a SnapChat. “Yeah, trust me, guys like that lose interest after three days on average.” She should know; she did an actual study on the habits of boys and girls when talking to people on instant messaging, and if the male isn’t interested he apparently gives up after three days. You guess she hadn’t studied how many guys cheat on their girlfriends or she wouldn’t have started dating her boyfriend, but she hardly looks worse for the wear.

“What about the outliers?” you ask miserably. Charles is active on Instagram right now, which means he’s probably waiting for your response. He’s seen that you’ve seen it. He might be getting annoyed that you’re taking too long. He might be laughing with his friends about how they’re guessing you’re freaking out.

“The most extreme outlier was a week, Y/N,” Emily says not-so-patiently. She’s normally pretty good at handling you when you’re like this, but recently she found out her boyfriend’s been cheating on her, and she had to pull an allnighter last night to study for her Calculus quiz. Now she’s plotting her revenge on the cheating Michael. “Trust me. Nobody even finds that all that entertaining, anyway. You’re not going to get stood up.”

Your phone screen hasn’t even turned off before you decide, “No, I’m canceling it. Nope. Nope. I’m blocking him.”

“Y/N!” Emily jerks her head up to look at you, brown eyes widening with horror, but you’ve already done it. Her voice is surprisingly shrill when she exclaims againn, “Y/N!”

“Shut up!” somebody yells again, followed by multiple people shushing them.

“Oh, jeez,” you say, your hands shaking as you shove your phone in your pocket. “Nope, nope, nope. Did not like that.”

“You’re pathetic,” Emily sighs, shaking her head. “He was cute. He seemed sweet. You’re just being crazy.”

“I’m sorry, are you standing up for boys in general now?” you ask, putting your hands on your hips. “Last time I checked, your boyfriend’s a douche.”

“First of all, no, I wasn’t talking about all boys, just Charles. He seemed nice. Second of all,” Emily glares at you, “low blow, dude.”

“Sorry,” you groan, dragging a hand down your face. “I’m just… not good at this.”

“You just need to get over him,” Emily says, standing up. She puts a perfectly manicured hand on your arm and crinkles her brow at you. “Trust me. Pining over Klaus for eternity isn’t going to make you feel any better. Rebound dudes are the absolute best to date, because everything they do feels so crazy amazing!” She’s already got her rebound dude from Michael picked out.

“I know,” you insist, folding your arms. “I’m getting over him. It’s just… I had a bad feeling about Charles,” you invent wildly.

Emily crosses her arms and raises one skeptical eyebrow. “Mmm-hmm, sure.”

“What about you?” you ask, sitting down heavily on your bed and wiping your phone screen on your jean pants. “What are you thinking for Michael?”

“Honestly, I was thinking about cutting three inches off my hair and posting a selfie with the caption ‘Not gonna miss those three inches, Mike’.” Emily flips her hair over her shoulder and sends another photo to a friend. “What do you think?”

You laugh. “That sounds really funny. I’ll be the first to like it.”

“Honestly, now I think about it, why’d I stay with a guy that barely hits four inches?” she muses, tapping her chin with her pointer finger.

“I believe I asked you that when you started dating him,” you mutter. “And you responded that he was sweet.”

“Character is out,” Emily decides. “The length of the dick is all that matters now, as long as he’s not a total asshole and, like, a wifebeater.”

“As you do,” you nod.

It was the whole ‘your boyfriend’s a douche’ comment, you’re sure of it.

Emily has moved out of the room you shared together.

It’s not like you weren’t expecting it, either; since when has anyone ever wanted anything to do with you? Your own parents abandoned you and when you tried to track them down, they had another little girl and were not interested in talking to you. The rare times you’ve gotten a boyfriend he’d dumped you quickly, unable to handle your fears of abandonment.

Even the goddamn cat you adopted from the shelter ran away.

So no. You’re the opposite of a magnet. Nobody ever wants to be with you. They don’t even want to be in the same room as you.

Your phone buzzes. It’s Klaus Hargreeves, your oldest friend, and you’re trying to calculate how long it’ll be until he leaves you too. Everyone else has. It’s only a matter of time.

Klaus: Hey, Y/N, wanna come over? I’ve got a surprise for you!

Honestly, you’re surprised he’s texted you. He hasn’t in the last three days, which frankly isn’t very unusual for him, but your anxieties are in overdrive and have been since coming home and seeing the ‘Goodbye’ note on the door.

‘Y/N, I’m going to be living with some other friends for the rest of the semester.’

Translation: I’m finally ditching you for my better friends.

‘No hard feelings, right?’

Translation: I’m trying to be as polite as possible, don’t get mad at me for ditching you, you loser.

‘I’ll still see you around!’

Translation: But only in passing; don’t try to talk to me in public.

‘—Emily’

Translation: You were super fucking annoying. Thank God I’m out.

Within seconds, you text Klaus back, saying, What time? And what sort of surprise?

You good to come over like rn?

You don’t have any other classes for the rest of the day, and though you have an essay to write, you can do it when you come home later or tomorrow.

Yeah, sure, I’m on my way, you text back and slip on a pair of shoes before hurrying out the door. On the bright side, you won’t be able to get into any loud conversations and get yelled at anymore. You’re pretty sure the rest of the hall hates you and Emily for occasionally shrieking the most.

Come to my bedroom when you get here ;), Klaus sends you, and you have to stifle a grin. Maybe his teasing is what made you fall for him initially, and the way he’s so carefree. It hurts a little bit, though, whenever he makes a joke about being with you. You know you’re not even an option, but still.

Like Emily had said. You need to get over Klaus. Maybe you should have told him you had to write the essay, but…

It’s too late now for that. Plus, Klaus may get annoyed if you cancel plans with him and not want to hang out with you later on.

The Umbrella Academy mansion is quiet when you push open the doors. Grace must be cleaning elsewhere, and Pogo must be doing… whatever Pogo does when he’s not taking care of the kids. You barely even notice your extravagant surroundings anymore; far too used to them after visiting Klaus whenever you’re worried he’s OD’d on drugs or whenever he’s a little less high and wants to hang out.

Nothing’s changed when you see Klaus’s room. Well, things have definitely changed; there are balloons around the doorway like he’s celebrating something, but that’s just Klaus fashion. For all you know, he could be celebrating something—maybe this is his anniversary of getting addicted to drugs or something like that. Something like that would kill you a little bit to see happen, as it would kill all his siblings, but Klaus is just like that.

And you really do love him.

You push open the door cautiously, half-expecting him to throw something at you as a prank, but all that greets you is Klaus standing in the middle of his room, exclaiming happily upon seeing you.

“Hey, Y/N!”

You can’t respond. You have to take it all in for a second.

For one thing, his curtains aren’t drawn for once to keep the sun from hurting his hangover headache. For another thing, he’s shaved and cut his hair a little bit. The last thing that really stands out to you is that he’s wearing color. In all your life, you’ve never seen Klaus wear any color apart from that pink feather boa, but he’s wearing a tie-dye tank top and loose green cargo pants.

You laugh a little hesitantly, stepping into the room and looking around. He’s certainly seemed to embrace the color; confetti’s everywhere. “What’s going on, Klaus?”

“I’m sober,” he beams, holding up his arms. “Ta-da!”

You’re speechless.

“I know it’s taken me a long time,” he continues, “and I’m really glad you’ve helped me through all the years. But I’m sober and I’m planning on staying sober for the rest of my life. Ben’s helping me realize that I can’t just drink away my problems, you know?”

“Are you serious?” you manage to squeak out.

Klaus nods.

You squeal and launch yourself across the room, latching onto Klaus like a koala. “Klaus, I cannot believe it! Why didn’t you tell me you were getting sober?”

“I didn’t wanna let you down if I couldn’t,” he mutters, squeezing you so tightly you can’t breathe for a second. “And I was planning something.”

“What?” You pull away from him, already regretting the hug because it just made you love being in his arms more. Spending time with somebody probably isn’t the best way to get over them.

“Well, I’ve been wanting to do this for a while, but I knew I wasn’t gonna be able to until I was sober.” Klaus sits down on his bed, pulling you down with him, and looks in your eyes seriously. It’s unnerving. You’ve never really seen Klaus serious. “Y/N…” He swallows. “Please don’t say anything until I’m done, okay? I just need to get something off my chest.”

You nod. Oh God, is he going to tell me he’s murdered someone? Can you honestly keep a secret like that for him? You nod, squeezing his hands tightly.

“Y/N, I’ve loved you for a long time,” he says, blushing a bit but refusing to look away from you. “I wanted to get sober for you. I want to have a future with you. You’re my best friend and you make me laugh. You’re supportive and kind. I know that people have left you before, but I promise I won’t. I don’t know if you feel the same way, but if you do…” He squeezes your hands for a second. “I’d love to spend the rest of my life with you.”

You want to vomit.

He’s really making fun of you in this way? When he knows how sensitive you are about being abandoned? When he’s probably the only person who knows about your parents and relationship struggles throughout your life?

You swallow around a lump in your throat and croak out a laugh. “Ha, good one, Klaus.” You stand up, avoiding his eyes. “I’m happy you’re sober, though.” You start to turn away, saying, “I have an essay to—”

Klaus grabs your hand gently and spins you around. “Y/N, I’m not making fun of you. I really do love you.”

“Yep, mmhmm, sure,” you say, nodding too quickly, clenching your jaw too tightly. “I know. I’m sorry; I’m not really in the mood for jokes right now; I’m stressed out about this essay that’s due—”

“Y/N, don’t you believe me?” Klaus asks, staring at you. He’d honestly not expected it to go like this—he’s sober; isn’t life supposed to start going right?

You wrench your arm out of his grip. “Sorry, Klaus, I really have to go. I’ll talk to you later.”

“No, you won’t,” Klaus mutters as you escape the room. He’d imagined that going in a million different ways except that one. “Shit!”

“Go chase after her,” Ben instructs. “We both knew she wouldn’t believe you. At first.”

Umbrella Academy Taglist:

@fentanvl @deathswretch @lightningidiot @five-hg @iamsnek666@ameliatrh @ihatecheesyusernames @dora-the-grownup @emilyt0314 @idklol707

Forever Taglist:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes

Guys, take a look at the prompt list on my page—I’d love to take requests for them; it’ll be fun writing practice!

[nocancer]

Tryna by Cancer moon

Before Young T went to bed he poured a glass of water and looked out the kitchen window to his backyard and noted how the snow made 3:00 A.M. look like 6:00 P.M.. Only difference being that if he stepped outside with his glass of water to the seeming twilight he wouldn’t be able to hear the rush-hour traffic like he usually could if it was Friday and 6:00 P.M.. Young T didn’t bother going outside because the snow was still falling a little and it’d be there when he woke up. And the neighborhood would still be silent, as it always was.

Young T woke up and his fan was still humming its white noise which he needed to sleep at night even though it was January and his dad was reluctant to leave the heat on over night. The small fan sat on his dresser and was pointed away from his bed towards his window which emitted a sharper and more blinding afternoon light than what he was used to. He checked his phone for the time, it was about noon - about the time where his parents bedroom door would open and their TV would blast the local news and his persian cat, Jo Jo, would meow at his door from which would force him out of bed to open the door so Jo Jo could jump up on his bed to sleep on his pillow from which he would either start his day or keep doing nothing. This time he laid back down, idly on his bed, with the covers pulled over his head to lessen the effects of his slight cat allergy. Jo Jo had a flat face and was grey and fat, and he occupied the entire pillow. Young T thought of how he wanted to trade lives with Jo Jo.

Young T couldn’t fall back to sleep, so he looked at his phone. He bireifly looked at worldstarhiphop, Twitter, then Instagram.

Then he went to bed with a head ache and woke up in college.

9/27/17 wednesday

Tycho: excuse me, hey, getting along just fine, I see? Yolandra: hey, and yeah, sort of, just studying, whats going on with you T: Nothing, the usual, i guess, being responsible, trying not to offend anyone. Y: Oh but you're so innocent. If anyone's offended its on them, not you. T: But my presence alone, I dont know, like I'm out of place or something. And I just want to tell people,  Yeah, so, I know how strange it is, me being here and all. Y: You're a free spirit amongst prisoners. That was my favorite part about getting to know you.

Tycho: After all these years, not for a second did i think you were right for me. And thats why i liked you. Cus I'm crazy. Yolandra: thats okay? what do you mean?, i want to get inside your head again. T: [pause] Most people wouldnt understand. Y: Don't be too cool for school. Im not most people. If I knew what was good for me, I'd have cut ties with you a long time ago. But im a crazy bitch too. Havent you realized? T: Yes. Youre highly psychic when it comes to "free spirits" like me - and you, though maybe, "lost soul" would be a better term for me. Though I dont mind being lost. It keeps things interesting.   Anyway, you should spend your energy on solving world hunger than worrying about me. Y: dont be so difficult. catching vibes isnt easy you know? coming for your type. Who knows, maybe youre worth it. Tycho: well, your the first to try me like this. im mysterious for a reason. Yolandra: And do you know why exactly? T: Thats for me to decide. Y: It's so damn frustrating. But I guess some things are better left unsaid. T: Most people wouldnt understand that, what youre saying. Indescribable feelings we know happened but fall short in explaining. That sort of thing. Y: I call those. "You had to be there" moments. Tycho: Honestly i never gave up on you, only myself, thinking you were different from my dream girl.   it took months for me to realize that but when i did the only thing i wanted to do was forget i ever met you. Yolandra: than what? T: the rest of these simple people that surround us, they see in a way thats opposite of what i am. Y: how convenient it must be. to blame your problems on people you dont even know. and just say "fuck it." I envy you. T: just my luck haha. of being born into myself, my personality forgive me, i dont mean to be such a downer. thats my ego talking Y: you had to be there T: where? Y: in my memories. T: it matters that much to you? Y: if I could find you in a crowd, just to say something, anything, even if i have to scream it in your ear,  then you'd know how much it means to me. Tycho: I'll be waiting for you to say hola.

9/30/17 saturday In the midst of an obnoxious trap beat I remember what my grandpa used to tell me. It's the harsh realities of life that stick with us the most. A dream is only a dream until you make it come true. Never hit a women no exceptions." He would say to a 7 year old me. Now I wish I had the balls back then to tell him that his strict army ass probably never had a dream that went beyond what he already knew. Like revisiting the same shitty cloud of meaningless thoughts every night till you reincarnate into someone who revisits a slightly less shitty cloud over and over until they become someone like me, who lives on the cloud everyone strives to be, forgetting those elvish looking folks of the below who never leave the house except to get groceries. There's comes a point in life where you just gotta be honest with yourself, and say hey, i just dont match the freqeuncy anymore. It's okay. I can still pretend like that one MGMT song, but im fading away. Fuck. I get naseous and imagine a cop coming around the corner which kills my vibe for a second so I take my headphones off, spit on my finger tip, ash the blunt, and walk to my dorm. I'm in water so muddy that the surface is all I have to cling onto. What lies beneath is my past, housing the memories like demons. Of course, her face, would be in the middle. Falling more faintly in detail as I wake up sober and go to sleep high and dream nonsense that somehow doesnt go away like the usual forgotten dream you usually wouldnt give a second thought to otherwise but this morning my head feels foggy and theres a vague recollection of a search going on but I dont know what it's for and my chances of knowing diminish as I go deeper into the day. A search, it's on repeat, like my brain is an actual TV. Thats probably a normal thought to have, though I've never heard it in real words. "Is my brain a TV." I say to myself.                                                                 if you can call it that. but those take the shape of monsters of which, as if I had no choice, I find myself preparing for so when the moment really matters, I can either go down in a blaze of glory or come out on top like the badass I imagine myself to be. All I know is that I was born and now I have to live.

Maybe because my past is so glaringly depicted onto a person I refuse to acknowledge. All that shit was a dream. The only thing that matters is the present, right? Bill Nye the Science Guy would agree with that. Back in elementary whenever we had a sub for the day, a cart would roll in and thats how you knew. I watched his show in elementary school, when we had a substitute teacher. Those were the best days. I had no worries then, able to speak freely with no inhibitions as if duality had nothing to latch its mechanical claws onto. Wait, I'm thinking about the past again. And thats going way back. Fuck! Okay.. On your feet soldier! That baby momma drama dont fly out here in the real world. out here  it's the winners and the losers, haves and the have-nots,  thats the way it is.

We're here to endure anxiety. I dont care about this slave shit. I think im gonna drop out. These fucking people bro, I shouldve known better than to come here. Deep down in the recesses of my highly realized capacity for recognizing everyday objects I'm  hearing the voice my computer makes. It just so happens that I'm a little different from everyone else. I see things. Feel them. Some are expressed. Others proccessed. Though most get put away for later. These things I speak of is all they'll ever be to Some bad. Some good. But in the end I understand the root cause  is nothing and thats where I pretty much exist anyway. In between any and all things, including people. At least that what it feels like. So although I may come off as shy and maybe a bit soft to the average layperson I aint no bitch and I wont hesitate to put my body on the line to make some headway when it comes to cementing my place as a savage demon in the halls of said layperson's memory bank. Someone who is wise would recognize the virtue of my conviction It is only because I must prepare for that singular moment, an unknown point in the fabric of time and space. To where if theyre not careful, a life's worth of energy should be pitted against me as if one were to stand a chance against the power housed within my vessle. Theres no such thing as a polite gesture. Nobody asks me how my day is "going" for no other reason than to relay to me how their own special day is "going". reckoning between a humble acknowledgement that I can never truly grasp the reason for existing and therefor should play my part in keeping the peace, versus pure badass in a world of sheep. And the more I get to know my surroundings, the more I reach erradically for the inherent bliss found within the path of satanism.

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Spmewhere off in the distance, Crermoth sits on a palm tree idly sculpting astral suspensions into a tattered fervor of mesh for working the keys of ineptitude. She is oblivious to her surroundings, not caring for chatty and gossip which she cant seperate between her reality and theirs because she is sensitive and when the the fully recognized sage, Esoh, confronts her about she says she much prefers it that way.

Their balance among them. With the wind at her side, Hojihka refuses the initial preference of her stillness and moves in a nameless precession by the whim of her ancestral birth right. "aaa may-ee soo shay-noo"

Her possession wakes up without a name. a new and more elaborate transposition of jubilee onto each successive indifference. The attention to one area renders the outer confines a vacuum enveloping the excess span unto both of their liable to taken over like a plain, sole, unconscious will. It certainly does its job Crermoth and has become something of a plan b pill thats taken during one of her many unpredictable episodes of self hate and general spiritual torment. One time she told J-Money she was a demon in a matter of factness that still haunts J-Money in moments when he pretends it doesnt bother him.. Reliant upon the interaction of her world and the next. Crermoth normally prefers being to herself on nights like these, that way she can answer any calls at a moments notice. A dimension close enough so that she may assist her friends in earthly manners of which, by the natural law of limitation, those lacking the incessant nobility of the Orisha cannot be bothered to see to themselves, less the tether between her world and theirs be rendered a useless tattered fervor of mesh that gives way to any varitable knock of an over arching brood of usurpment of the mundane frequency. “I need space. I only have but so much light of see to her calling as a being of light, assisting the pieces of herself that we’re lost during the falling. You remember that don’t you?” She says “Of course I remember. But only as a matter of fact. Upon closer reflection I fail to see the relevance of a subtle hunch with no bearings in the present.”

I must know that I’m allowed to be straight up with you, else I run the risk of straying from my calling. If there’s anything I hate more than being ignored its catching myself being lazy to the voices. “She musn’t veer to far.” Esoh said on a mountain.

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The woman wakes up to look around. Store-bought soil, empty bike-rack, office building. "Harder. Think harder. Come on girl." She stands for dignity's sake. A car traces a hilltop in the distance. She raises her cold arms to the sun in defiance of stillness. Nothing is in tune with the nature of her being besides the stale wind of a coming day. "Where are you?" The car freezes as it reaches the horizon, but the sound remains on loop. Whirrrrr A portal manifests abruptly and Elegua arrives on a chariot of skulls. "Erzulie, madame, how nice it is to see you this early in the morning." A whisp of fire cleans her face and the car continues over the horizon. "It really shouldnt be, not like this. Where Im at should tell a lot you know." Erzulie said. "Quite a dense reply to a longtime friend, dont you think" "Hmm, considering how I slept in a bush last night and dont remember a thing. I shouldnt need to explain myself." "No? is the friz on your hair not matching the blood on your knees? I can't tell which." Elegua said.     Or is the attitude possessing you as if theres no consequence for ill-manneredness? I cant tell which." So long as one's not so dense up his selfish ass that he aint notice." "Oh so now all a sudden you about the finer things in life? We can switch places less you miss me. Erzulie said. Im only pointing out the obvious." Elegua said. Erzulie replied with silence, forcing life to flash before his eyes. She learned this from her Mother, Darkness. "Attitude is possessing you. I cant tell why but its a poison I dont deserve. I was only trying to help" He continued. "I just dont fuck with being called too early. So long as youre not too dense up your ass to take notice, safe to say i'm in some shit right now." "Clearly. A product of consequence." Elegua said randomly. "Yeah, recognize. Please, for me, baby?" "No more testing your patience, Goddess immortal of justice. Save that for what I came to tell you about." "Take me to cleanliness, saintly promise of wisdom. For im not feeling myself." They left the scene to the past and pondered on the pyramid they had just made with each other. "It's nice to be home." Erzulie said. Flying over the palm trees brought Elegua back to his power. "On the basis of love." Elegua said. The salt-water washed away all glimpses of doubt Erzulie had of her beauty. And she harnessed the pastels of the ocean. Thus, all guilt was abolished and unconditional love was convinced to dance within them. Drying his body under the rays of Amen reminded Elegua of his first words. Long ago, before Time was born. "O Father, you are so brilliant." "Thank you, son. I am the Light" "Then tell me, Father, if you are the Light, and are so brilliant, then why is it you flee from Darkness?" "All I do is my purpose, which seeks to balance harmony with creation. Although it is much more complicated than that. Like always I suppose. I'm afraid you ask me a question that I cannot answer. Here, because you are so curious, I will show you." "I'm ready, Father." Light grew brighter causing Elegua to cry in his recollection of what it felt like to say words. The links in his mind straining to pull in the right words. Not too plain to where the moment would be lost in happen stance, and not too radical so that his manhood could stay irrefutable (to convey meaning.) Then Light disintegrated into everything and Elegua searched for Light ever since. So Elegua went to the crossroads, and prodded Darkness for Light's wherabouts, "I want to relive the the moments before he left for eternity. Where can I find him?" Without a hug or a kiss, she told him to let go of his experience in order to live in the now, "Take his place and move forward. Grow up, your Daddy's gone cus you never did." "How could you say that me? I love you, Mom. Yet all I get is hate. Why are you hiding the truth from me?" "If I don't hate you, then who will? You got so much to learn that my heart breaks into brass. You must leave, understand me? LEAVE, before I do what your Father did and them some. I'm this close. Believe me." With nowhere else to go, Elegua obeyed the commands of his Mother. Although lonely at first, the spirits of the dead related to his despair, and offered to guide him through all the known and unknown realms of Ether, so long as he guided the spirits of the living to his Mother. So that the dead could learn for themselves the origins of their being dead. And when Light came back, they could say "Father, we know of Hate, now teach us Love." Elegua tried telling them that it was hopeless, that his Father was there, just not in the way they imagined, that they we're actually his Father and they had to realize it through an altered perception. but that negativity only made them more adament to their cause which annoyed Elegua into a manic spell of existential irony which persisted during times of war with the Snakes on 5th density. One battle in particular Badly wounded, he pulled his chariot with his arms to the middle of a corn-field on a full-moon during the Solstice, it was there he made a pact with his self, to never be ignorant to the fact that fate was an inescapable constant within all contributors to existence. That the very fabric that distinguishes the dead from the living was comprised of scattered shards of an indestructable essence that attached itself to the spirit-body via fate which is the Father of destiny. That the collective conscious is woven by the thread of Fate, thus binding a common goal, or Destiny, inherent to all beings of both polarities, thus setting in motion the spiral of gnosis, which lends itself to the spreading of keys that open the doors to helping each other fulfill each others Purpose. "I will collect the pieces of my Father so that I may speak with him again as I did as a child. I will never forget you because I love you. You are everything to me, which is all I ever could be. Please, I want to know why you flee in the face of Darkness."

____10/9/17 monday

My pace quickens as I veer away from the crowd onto the handicap stairs. I silently count my steps to give off a pensive, non-assuming vibe. Over by the quad theres crows just walking on the grass. Yet I'm the only one who seems to notice, even from a distance. The busses haul ass down Memorial St. I've learned to always be on alert because I'll never know whats waiting for me when I turn my attention off the floor and become reminded of string theory. Artificial energy, cork boards with grime on the edges, tunnel of dull ends, spongy plywood cielings. as i step with my head down and in every so sudden a demarcation in the bricks, the reptiles answer emails. This is where I'm going. Because my soul chose to live here at some point in time not too long ago considering the relationship between all that the universe has to offer and my general apathy towards said all as in any and all one. Which has become quite of a bore ever since the first week ended I had to come to terms with the reality that friends won't simply fall into my lap like they would     if I wasnt such      a masochist for being lonely. The row of pillars turn to one and all I see is the contentment in the air of the lobby. In the hallway are casually turned faces which glide about in a linear fashion like the ghost of a lost bride.. I get a side-view of the people afraid to admit that this is far from the paradise we expected it to be. The brochure in our acceptance letters didn't include the drunken nights of another dimension. I'm inside the life of an architect. One who's dead by now, but lives on through his work. I'm not going anywhere, the building would say, if it could talk. And I suppose it can. Because I just had the thought, and nothing is ever truly wrong without another thought to compare it to. But then if buildings could speak existed first, and was allowed to grow and find its place in the universe, then it'd be established enough to not warrant an adversary. But the question remains where, if it existed, was its fate organized before coming into my mind, awaiting my final judgement. Substitute me for a unicellular collective conscious and it seems like we're all dealers of fate her on planet earth of the milky way of the universe of the whatever comes next (should we ever know for sure). he or she deserves all the credit for it manifesting onto the grid of my consciousness, which is a zig zag joint's worth of a high right now. The perfect amount for not giving a fuck while still staying slick enough for witty comebacks. Which wouldn't hurt right now. This building isn't going anywhere. Though I wish it would. Because I dread what I'm about to do How he must have pained to communicate something he could call his own while maintaining a dignified and safe, always safe, because god forgive, well, you know, , putting the pen to the pad, drawing  collumns in front of a Victorian fassad Succumbing to authority just to eat with a roof over your head and not freeze your ass off like a homeless freak. Profit margins in the final half of quarter one are lower than 1 standard deviation to what is considered by corporate to be optimal. As of now, the college has no incentive to ship in product from outside sources. All inventory must be stored in house to the buyer's demand. You better not be late.

___ On the parking deck

Tycho: “I had a dream I was on an internet forum. Someone posted the words: “life is an endless hell. With a blurry picture of a street at night-time. Not much different from what’s in front of us. I thought that made sense, until I scrolled down, to see a video looking out the windshield of a vintage rolls royce, coasting along a pacific highway. And the lines kept going. Next thing you know I’m falling down a pitch black waterslide, dreading my destination. If I never woke up I have a funny feeling i know where it was leading.

Preacher: In that instance did you feel the need to repent for your sins?

Tycho: No. that didn’t cross my mind. It was too late at that point.

Miranda: “I used to.

T: What made it stop?

Miranda: Seeing all the happy people around me. And knowing that they’ve been through the same shit. Break-ups, Death in the family, just generally feeling lost.

My heart was broken ”

T: Getting over the mind can be a dark place when it has nowhere else to rest. You can train it to think anything.”

Miranda: True

Tycho: Lately Ive been taking these long drives late at night into the boonies. Just to see where I up. I realized theres so many lives I’ll never know about.

If i wasnt born into money maybe I’d be humble enough to hate myself for even thinking such a thing.

How’d you get out of that?

Miranda:

These know it all professors are getting on my nerves. I fear Im crossing into an abyss I’ll never fully understand. Honestly I can’t fuckin stand these people. What name do I have to make for myself that i haven’t already experienced in the depths of my soul?

Tyco: You know how they try to act like they all official and shit, like I won’t see past it.

Miranda: [agreement] They do that.

Tyco: [stream of consciousness] So I just told her look I know its a rule, but I’m all about learning at my own pace and no disrespect i love her but Mrs. Soso can only go so far in telling me how to write. You can give tips and tricks but at the end of the day, I’ve been developed my writing style.. Like I thought we were done with all this high school shit. Well I didnt say that.

M: And what’d she say?

Tyco: She was like “As you get further into your major 90% of your assignments will be in essay format.. we require full participation “ At this im like she gonna hit me with the book like hell nah THEN outta nowhere She said “However, I also believe in 2nd chances.”. On the outside I was cool but inside I was like “*fist bump* yo i cannot fail outta college like someone watchin out for me idk who but-

Chad: fuck that shiiiiit *holds up white rum in front of street light”

Friend in background: 12! 12! 12!

Abrupt scene change. Camera shows Tyco zoned out. Then police car, as Tyco begins to hide behind the tree hes smoking on.

My black hoodie and phone-call to my dealer will still be with me tomorrow as I do the same thing.

(From a dream 10/23)

Tyco is driving around serving with Shantel when she lights her phone up from the passenger seat and puts the phone to her ear.

Shantel: You are not finna be talkin all that mess on my phone. Be honest with                  yourself. Don’t lie. You a hoe ass bitch.

?? Caller: Why are you even calling me? I dont give a fuck.

Shantel: Wait till I pull up then and slap the shit out you. Would that be better                     sweety?

?? Caller: I’m at Kawaii’s 30 deep. Bring your lil boyfriend and see what                          happens.

Shantel: Try me bitch.

[ The economy sedan turns right on red seemingly without breaking. ]

Tyco: 30 deep huh?

Shantel: With them ratchets.

Tyco: She sounds scared as hell aint nobody sticken up for her like that. You know they gonna talk shit right but soon as we throw them hands they gon be like, I dont know that bitch.

Shantel: nah but she stupid tho like not even worth all that extra

Tyco: We’re going. Wheres that nigga house i’ll waze that shit and we get there we just pop off. Aite?

[Not looking at the road, but to her, coasting down an average 2-lane with box neon trimmed tire shops and drive-thru windows governed stately as immovable beasts of mothership stores lurk behind low-sodium trenches of the new world order’s surveillence agenda for mass poplations en masse. ]

              Just follow me. I’m walkin in and gonna start a commotion just bussin                 and you just break this bottle on her mother fuckin head and we out.

Shantel: haaah what okay

Tyco: You’re gonna fuck her shit up som serious.

Shantel: She talk shit about you.

Tyco: It’s in the stars babe for real.

Shantel: You gonna help me find that bitch?

Tyco: You my fucken queen I love you and I got you.

Neighborhood entrance.

Cars parked for miles.

House identified first glance.

Park.

Car doors..

Hip-Hop

Grass.

Walkway.

Steps.

Porch.

Door opens and yellow tops within the frame.

!! WHERE YOU AT// YALL FAKE AND CANT FINESSEE !!

AAAAAH YOU UGLY DARK SKINNED NIGROS

The caller is sitting on a couch ass to ass with other dudes. Looking stupid.

She never saw Shantel. Who came upon her like The Ring.

She has become a party magnet. It is a Slayer concert now. Nobody knows who’s who. Though Tyco is surely getting his ass beat. He catches of glimpse of Shantel’s fat ass ducking through the doorway and he could die right now and it wouldnt matter.

*GUN SHOT*

FUCK GOIN ON HERE MANE

“This not the place for you bro. - White boy comin up here in my place of business - Tryna pop shit off like you really not a bitch”

Kawaii looks up with his glock-9 extendo at his GD party mostly all gone just like that. The poor girl is still leaking.

“She need to go to the hospital.” Her friend says.

He points the glock at his head. Despair.

“Look around before I kill you.” An invitation.

Tycho: “I sold a 4 oz today after my accounting exam. I could be GD, 74, rock                            purp. whatever it be its nothing but Respect yo. Got connects with chad and Becky nahmean dog. Could put you on to some numbers they white and they fiends. Please OG.

“How much for a zip.”

“80, gas.”

“Was that yo bitch?”

“yea”

Kawaii: You lyin to me?

“No.”

“She eat your ass?”

“Yeah and bounce on my BIG ASS DICK” Tyco says with autism.

K walks away.

T: they don't even sell Molly bruh

K is you fucken high you dummies. Beat this nigga ass. *Tyco imagines the why the fuck you lyyin vine and remembers the exact moment he realized that wasnt an original song but actually a spin off of a classic throwback jam by the 90s R&B group “Next” in their hit single “Too Close”.. He was driving home from the cafe he used to write high school essays in while smoking a menthol american spirit with the windows rolled down on a spring evening playing KISS 104.1 Atlantas classic jams. Then he realized there was a full 6 minute video of the vine on youtube. After watching it he felt gayer. Thats all it did for him.

Tycho wakes up on living room floor.Terry (random G, on couch): *Hands him note× Kawaii said he's sorry. No hard feelings ya heard dog?

Tyco: I guess thugs act on impulse. *looks at note* and don't count on a gahdamn thing you bitchass motherfuckers. Tyco walks into class with a black eye. The Professor talks about interest loans. Tyco meets Moe after class in parking lot.

*Moe: Waddup

Tyco: It's lemon og I just got in.

Moe: Bet. Those last cookies you got. Bomb dude. It had them frar mother fuckers leanin like they can't handle that purp like that nahmean.*laughs*

Tyco: I got some backwoods you wanna hotbox.

Moe: Yo I'm down.

10/24/17 thursday

____ Last night I decided not to hate myself. The look I get from them doesnt bother me. Really, its a simple sign from nature that I’m used to by now. A wrong impression can sustain the fog of memory, of which I will be seen from the lens of another dimension, with not a care in the world, an angel in disguise. Thats the crux of my life up to this point. To no longer hate myself. But appear as if I still do. The nameless place in our past with no address., one of which even a frat boy can relate to. This invisible standard that’s thrown us into the pits of despair must be addressed. To seperate the real from the fake. Like the others are sleep walking through class fronting like they dont see me. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my third eye, televising scenes of sleep walkers who stay fronting like they dont see me. Walking behind the parking deck where green dumpsters were with my phone to my ear is a feeling that remains within me until I do the same thing over again in a few days. Buying in bulk never appealed to me. And if a 20 a g was the price thered be nothing my lonely ass could do. Fuck this worthless paper, I tell myself.

I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days.

I’m signalling. Though I havent been approached yet.

Figuring that would resolve the look I give other people. I mean, christ, I turned 18 last March. And spent the Summer in a last ditch effort to secure an identity before I made my plays in college. For too long I’ve avoided the call of the light and in return have gotten blank stares.

(SOMEHOW gets wrapped up into a petty conversation with sorirty girl (on top of parking deck.)

Clarissa: I was the only one alone in the entire party.

Tycho: Why didnt you leave?

T: Dont worry I dont wanna know your major.

C; Good cus it keeps changing.

T: You think you know everything dont you? This world aint nothin babe.

C: Why do you say that?

T: What do you wanna know? That I get money? Thats nothin.

Clarissa drifts off.

Hannah: So Stacy’s telling me the banners weren’t in that right place and we’re like an hour away from starting and we still haven’t even got the chairs in order and barely anyone who was suppose to be here has shown up yet.

Tycho: Where were they?

“Well for one, Candace, I dont know whats her problem lately, but shes been gone because her best-friends now telling her she’s not rushing anymore but thats honestly a relief because that girl wheres winged eyeliner and thinks shes better than us.”

Tycho: Oh, I think I’ve seen that girl at the library or something.

     I intuit that in order to justify her reasoning for not liking the winged eyeliner girl, that she channeled my very own resonant storm cloud of which I emit silently in the face of vanity..  

H: Well you’ll probably see her there a lot more cus shes definitely not with us.

“Okay so thats one.” I say as if taking notes.

“Then Rachel’s out at some charity event that I never even heard of probably with a guy she’s not telling us about which is so frustrating that of all days you pick friday night at the peak of rush to go be a hoe behind our backs.”

“Did she ever show up to the party?”

“Yeah. And she was fucking drunk.” She said as if surprised but not really because this is Rachel we’re talking about, after all.

“Like wasted orrr “

“Damn I didnt know yall got down like that.”

“Umm when youre stumbling through the door and your first words to all the new girls is hallelujah bitches!

She wasn’t with a guy.

“So tell me more about the party. Like was there”

who nobody knows anyway

is that Cheyenne is just out of it because her friends now telling her she doesnt want to rush anymore and for one its like look,

Wait, who’s hannah?

Hannah’s the leader of her sorority.

Ooooh, Okay, I see why now

-Yeah, I mean if word got around that would literally mean she was going around their backs to cover up that she was lying.

> Right. Yeah I hear what you sayin. She’s trying to make it seem as if it never concerned yall in the first place but if thats the case then she dont need to be acting like she got the right to be trusted.

This goes beyond reputation. Manipulating emotions just cus she has none of her own. Conniving biitch.  just to get her way goes beyond reputation.

Aint nobody wanna be around that energy.

> So what you tell her?

I get schizophrenic when it comes accepting new ways of being. The person I made him out to be was the perfect cure for my suffering. All those forgetful nights of boredom I knew what I needed all along, but was to scared to do it myself.

------ Frat house halloween party kidnap scene ----

GD shaman prays to shango for power to go out by mantra. Squad in car repeats the same mantra. The power goes out at 1:00 (or peak of the party).

Tycho throws blue flare through the side of the window

at the Tycho must find Chad and lure him downstairs near the door so the squad can get the keys to the room full cocaine and adderal. After looking everwhere he’s no where to be found. He walks in on a couple having with the girl in missionary with devil ears. “Yo chad that you?” Its

(fuckem x3) Music stops from power so he sneaks in wireless speaker in his robot costume  and puts it at one end of the room. Squad member 1 will carry bigger wireless speaker and set it down when he storms in. Tycho also brings a timed strobe light to distract people and keep the illusion of the party still going.

Tycho runs down stairs and towards door with chad chasing him. Squad slaps tape and mask on him and carries like a battering ram although theyve already kicked the door.

*Power turns back on*

“Fuck em, fuck em, nigga get out my section

Don’t want to see him, I don’t want to touch him

*waves zippo lighter in front of face so chad can see him through mask*

“Ima count 3 seconds and your dead on 5 if i dont get this combination” says calmly. thus saiyth the lord thy god”

“Three... No mercy”

“Two.. Shall be given unto those”

*gives code*

          “One.”

Love takes many shapes and forms.Tycho never opened up to people, hating himself for being incapable of feeling what others felt. He wanted more so he went spiritual. Which his close friends perceived as going off the deep end."Ayy whatsup bro you tryna smoke?""I have a calc exam tomorrow but I'm down after."Aight good luck on your studying tonight and then kill it tomorrow I know you got this calc is your specialty can't say the same for me but that's why you always tutored me haha."Let me know if you need more help. Figuring their was no bounds and he could be whatever, even silent, and experience irony rather than fate. How bland, he thought, to have a life plan and nothing to look forward to. Running drugs would be a necessary chain reaction. The highest elixer exceeding the bliss provided by the very weight he'd be pushing, itd be getting off on defying his own life, leaving spirit his only option. And so like a blackbird his soul seeks experience only in the clearest degree of visibility. Swerving transgressions of lonliness to levy the burdens of contrived responsibilities at societies every turn until his flight patterns veer from the trodden path to and fro the calling of reality in which he desires to preside over as a God of many statures. Untainted by works, head first into the entity of the adversary, of which he is able to predict the situational consequence in only a glimpsing moment before havoc ensues and the final hour is upon him, his loose wings coated with astral charcoal of depravity. Be caught slipping once and he loses the jump until the enevitable program takes its course - an unstoppable relationship between fate and reckoning that must be fulfilled as day turns to night. Once that happens he reverts back to being like the rest of them. Yet to the world, now desolated beyond repair, hed still be alive, exuding a calm presence that something is not quite right with him existing without remorse. The truth is simple enough, a hint just ever so slight as to never be able to cross the threshold of utterance, thus becoming rendered a convinction of self delusion on the part of the unknowing accuser, who by this time hates himself for even thinking badly of such a good guy to make peace with.  The collage curtails past the illusion of what is already known and at last the watchers take notice and thus regeneration is able to take place along all the land, allowing for new energy to take the throne of anticipation. One that has harnessed the potential to become anything the wonder puts his mind too. So what if I'm imaginative? Yolandra: I mean everyone's different in their own way. Like yeah the soroitys have a dress code and all that Starbucks and capris. But I don't know. You just have to get know a person for who they are and not how the outside world perceives them to be. T: So what'd you first think of me? Yolandra: Honestly not much anything. You were one of those people who could be anything. But then I overheard you say taurus's are gold diggers and I hated you cus I'm a taurus. T: Oh sorry I really didn't mean it like that but c'mon now I can tell you have a taste for finer things you bougie little.. Boob. *laugh\ haha "you know what I mean" It doesn't bother you? What? That so much could go wrong so quickly? Look, deep down he's telling you his heart lies with getting over and you let him because that's /just what you like about him, how deep he gets. cus he's a sad and selfish individual who was never about loving anything other than vanity. The best thing to do would be to trust his actions, intentions aren't what's important right now. Really, forget about the soul connection. Loves comes through all types of people as long as you're open to receiving them. Those energies. Don't lose yourself in the illusion. Without ever taking credit for what truly matters which should be you. Then your fashion made sense to me. T:  I'm so caught up in myself. I mean, it's impossible to know anything else. I'll never get to stand in your shoes. Its just truth. Yet I'm the bad guy. You're not like the other people I've met. T: Yeah I'm kind of loner if you couldn't tell already. I guess that's a good thing.T: Hey it's okay. I get that a lot... Wait what do you mean you guess? Ive found that who evers saying does a 180 in their normalcy.  Knowing your even here right now is a good thing. Knowing that you're with me even when im not. Don't you think? Starting out with confidence and ending strong to be lucky if I'm not hurt. Tell me what you want out of this. Sometimes I feel so lame, then I realize how fun itd be to not care. Through the window screen i see parchments and grass blades, this is an image I've sought to ignore for its blandness thinking I was over recognizing such mundane structures. The sunlight made me drunk with non verbal contemplation. I crave this heat when I'm in low spirits. And a breeze when I'm high. My thoughts are channeled from a lonely place (My thoughts come from a lonely place)  I've had no choice but to become accustomed to for my own sanity. To work faster and breach that veil of reckonning. So unreachable and enticing at the same time.T When I'm alone, welcome something more than the past if you ever cared to help me. This isn't the only world out there. And even if it was the material would eventually reach infinity. Then a black hole would open or something. Don't quote me on that, science is the hottest thing going right now. It cant hurt to butt in unofficially. As long as no one calls you on it. The universe molds to your confidence. That's another story. At the end of the day, I have too much pride to be a scientist.  The God they're serving calls for a lot of self sacrifice. A self that ignores emergency when called to speak. A self i'm not prepared to lose. "Why are you here again, nothing will change, you're gonna be quiet like last time" any handle on reality I had during the sun rise flees like an ex girlfriend into the night. I'm not prepared to lose. Anxiety is that humid feeling you get when roughnecking the time away. Jaded peripherals, internet browsing, and fading friends initiate a color spectrum so cruelly vivid in its inability to be shared with the CVS cashier who looked at you wrong because you bought 3 4oz bottles of robitussin. A man who couldnt care to see the streets, stop signs, and traffic lights. Man is a slang term we use when caught in the moment. Of which matrix programming loves to grasp onto. --- 10/25/17 wednesday So here I am enjoying a piece of lackluster nothing for the sake of something I've agreed to experience in a past life I can't even remember but somehow must make amends to as if its an actual concrete thing I can touch and make sense out of without caring to ponder how life puts us in these type situations like getting your hair done a new way and meeting a friend of a friend superficially without ever following up like aight word up bro I feel you by the way hows life and what's the special fact I should become one with in this moment while not thinking too much in to things or else id be alone as if we're not alive under the stars for any other reason than to be happy but still to me that becomes too much like a flash in time rather than something meaningful because then sex would have to be our purpose for being here but you and I both know it's more complicated than that so we look into it via memories and realize the journey was brighter than the reward as in I don't remember the actual sex part but rather the day as a whole with stained glass sprinkled in on a film reel to push the past into something real and unexplainably alluring to the self of which we projected this light onto in order to perhaps know in advance maybe how to repeat this metaphysical phenomenon for a second time because we're not quite there yet although at this rate if seems that to finally reach a state of thereness would mean we wouldn't be able to be here right now having this conversation like a building block struck from below or a house of cards we have to keep faith that every moment plays its part because we had an emotion for it and therefore couldn't be rendered to nothing in a wreckless attempt force it all together rather let each tile compliment it's neighbor and bypass the need for destruction by allowing enough caring energy to flow through that filter mechanism within you that deems lifes moments as worth remembering or forgetting and pretend you never heard about forgetting and avoid it like the plague because everything that ever was is depending on you to go forth into righteous so that gods original intention for letting go of unwanted baggage be synthesized within your vessel of upgrades intelligence so that the journey can still be appreciated only this time without th deceptive veil of the end. to question the little things that somehow don't mean much but at the same time appear to us daily as conduits for good fortune and thats what we must uphold ___ 11/2/17 thursday

I you and me playcated on a surface of stones that match our longing to search in the wrong places. Convenient are we done such a conceivable time that is time which is also time because what more can be said other than us winding down a fire escape to an inexplicable hatch sitting like paper mache on our transformative spiritual natures. Gone already but not forgotten just make sure to take the negative side of every situation involving 1 or more parties so as to make sure the rythym is in order because you can't go wrong with challenging the status quo of an area you're not suppose to be in even if that seems too easy and superficial it's the right choice because even the idea of rebellion as a bad thing must be able to project into a physical thing prompt for examination so secrets may be revealed. Wouldn't you know i stopped believing in faith due to its redundancy of chasing metaphysical strings too far out for us to put into words and isn't that the source of all our angst. Depraved of propositional phrases and elemental tables it's all so clear to me now. Casandra had a bag and Mikey had his sneakers in the forefront like a low hanging fruit but of course they had personalities that weren't so easy to see unless the hard work of interfacing came into the equation. Lets judge people based on judging for the sake of basing ourselves onto something not within our realm of reality. Perception is a hard question i think maybe inanimate objects could tell us a thing or two. Low pressure sodium lamps.Documentorial lecture hall amps failing to reach the end of the pyramid turned 90 degrees away from its focal point. May disease not reach our unexplainable selves if ever they may inhabit our temporary vessels like a friend who has no friends but you and wants desperately to get along with others but is attached to your ways. Are we in hell? What can our astral travels tell us about signaling locations with Etheric marks of time dialation. Things are what they are by defintion or they wouldn t be things however stepping the observer up a notch sets in motion cancer to grow from the singular notion that we ourselves separate on a cost of lightening our load. I am partly responsible for this mess we have made. Pulling my hair out in thin strands so as to not make a difference. Some people just don't understand what it means to be so far gone yet in a place of enchantment that lets us know we're not alone as Michael Jackson plays on the ham radio and Wikipedia says the song was written by r kelly. I'm a solitary young man, joined at the seams complacency and red-ridden vanishing points to a line of sight I'd rather not identify with if I had a choice. I'm seriously considering becoming rich and famous despite others already forcing me to. I guess eventually my spirit will give in as my soul looks from a distance and says what a fool I am then goes about his day. You can't be like the rest of them no matter how hard you try. Thinking on the sensualities you avoided after this rap shit led you no where. The palace at the height of creation where Jesus stopped and stared to collect his thoughts before he kept going when his alarm rang as his slave bending consistency tracked the new melinnia into a moldy piece of sandstone cheese the better of which tasted nutty with fruity notes and 80% abv shards of liquid glass on the throat thatd make even an immortal weep a shy tear or two. The pigs down in Mississippi feel things we can't understand in their slaughterhouse decrepit and forwarned in a musk ridden air flow that's non existent to hypocritical angels who were supposed to stop atrocity but opted to sit on their ads and play virtua tennis all day. Oink says the pig. Hee haw says the donkey. Give me life says the God and there on the 30th night fags came to tell the story on their faces. The bag lady told them to shut up and stop whining but they wouldn't listen though they lost their ability to speak. Goodness gracious me oh my great balls of fire. Great balls of ball you are the Lord of my lonely century in this dimension I took awareness to when I allowed you into my heart space.And then I left asking my self: Who is this I?

755559888a

Let’s stand for a while and think about the dastardly ways we have gone under the waters and flew away from temptation. Have us saying isnt it so pretty to be in something and have that to fall back on due to the struggles of forgetting the place we come from which didnt always have it out for us this bad in refusing us of inconjunctions we can at least point to and blame our problems on saying “See! There, I told you so. That’s why we cant find our beginning!” And we’ll keep toilling the fields as halflings saving up for a chance to leave the very universe we serve. “So thats more like it. Finally something I can get my flows on to” Shelly the alien said. “The Stars dont have to like you just because you see them. They have their place and so do we” Gerald said. “Oh but they do.” “How do you know?” “Well for one they always shine bright at the most oppurtune times, like when I’m feeling down about the part of myself that conveinently seems to escape me just when I need it most. If that be so then put me on to something else and that’ll do just fine.” “Perhaps you're not as big as you thought ”  Gerald held up his hand to salvage what was left of the dissolving psychic barrier between them. An invisible giant with an ocd issue. For now he could only listen. “No im not here to choose and thats exactly why Im not afraid to go where you can’t. Having the courage to admit your wrongs requires as much energy as universal rotation itself - a force which exists beyond our pleaidien awareness. ” “ But Shel- Okay whatever” Gerald paused and rolled the horizon through his scaly fingertips. “Keep calling on the unknown and you might get lost because it’s been there forever and sometimes Look, Shelly, no offense, you know I love you, but your awareness has no filter on what representation it can cling onto like danger isnt a reality to you. Me and Dazel always had to look out for you and thats just in this world what makes you think you can take on things you cant even see? “But do you believe in me? Anyone can say they love me. I’ve been hearing that my whole life. So much that it holds the same meaning as “um” does in conversation. Is that really the final conclusion we have at the end of the day? That you love me? Besides, I dont think you really meant that.”

“Here goes Miss Type-1 personality again. Always needing to label circles into squares, stars into gods, this as that, out of an inability to cope with insecurity. Leaving the rest of us as unwilling participants.”

“HOW DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S WRONG IN NATURE?”  Shelly bawled.  

The beach of Temofose was out of walking distance from the orange cottage they grew up in with there Mom. When they were young it was somewhere theyd go when they had nothing else to do. Euweu Sister Beach was the brighter of the two, but now too populated for their liking. Temofose is less frequented by other families and polluted by cargo ships and a lack of open views but as they stood there a semblence of twilight through the holographic cages offered closure to the purpose of them arguing in the elements about a timeline Shelly was going to step into  And no matter what argument he could put forth, Gerald thought of it fruitless unless he spoke from his heart, a heart of which Shelly was currently taking the place of, so that he could not use it against her. “Shelly, I just hope you can understand how I dont want to let you go.” “I’m sorry you feel that way. But it’s my choice. Have a good njght Gerald. I love you” She said as she went into darkness.

Summer Break 2018

As a street light exploring strip malls, I am a linoleum tile on top of a trapezoid emitting frames of rave scenes. Heres where I find myself walking through last nights dream of the gang member selling duck pussy then getting assaulted by a pizza guy and a cop. Alone after those nights. Seems love was never meant to be expressed but felt. I look inside to see if I’m about to die, seeing diamonds mixed with sky. Materializing in the backdrop of my memories. Now I know why.

Now I know.

Then a wren on the fence manifests when it needs to. The perspective pyramid is that I pleaded for a higher calling. There’s nobody bohemian as me.  One day I’ll take this civic off the road and escape into my sacred grove. If only I wasnt such a bitch.

I carry my single briefcase through the airport parking lot. I’m hot and out of breath. Everyone watching me. I can read their thoughts but not my own. They say look at the guy who isnt me but is still conscious enough to move his vessel.

The a/c runs down to the end of the terminal, but my spirit is squared by the stores selling vain material. The pyramid of perspective is an accordian overlayed on my mind’s eye televises scenes too chaotic to put into words. Walking through customs is an event to be remembered, I tell myself. Anyone who catches my glimpse pauses for a split second, calibrating my own opinion of the why in life. A definition of nuance that was never meant to be expressed but felt. To sense what I’ve been wanting, free and alone, after all those wasted days. I board the flight to say finally I am my own religion. If I was flying over africa I’d see bon fires, but over Georgia I only see street lights. Thinking how absurd that they will speak of me as crazy. Others will listen. A vibration through these amber aisles to look no further than my destiny. Because everyone has their destination is the way it goes. I refuse. I’m tired of being a number. Atlanta had its place. Now I’m homeless in Tokyo. This is the not-so perfect end to the chapter planned out for me by the higher power. Not-so bad neither.

Save me. I’m on the other side now.

[the-gay-in-the-way]

Anime but with Thomas and the Sides.

What it says on the tin.

It’s late, I’m tired, I’m not in my house, it’s dark, and I just finished rewatching Pretear with my siblings for the fiftieth time in my life after going to a GAAM anime event.

So I’m thinking about anime and I’m(always)thinking about the sides and Thomas.

So now I’m gonna talk about all of my crap ideas cus my sister doesn’t use her AC, we live in Florida, and I can’t sleep when I’m sweating buckets.

I wasn’t gonna make a post about this originally because I figured no one would care but someone recently mentioned it and I gave Andy some shoujo recs recently and Thomas has made videos about anime so I realized that I was being dumb and could literally just talk about this without worrying too much.

I also figured I wouldn’t make a post about it cus my ideas are crap.

But now it’s late and I don’t really care and I really wanna talk about this, even if it’s just to myself via text format, so I’m making this post while trying to ignore the sounds of my drunk sister doing terrible things in the room next to mine.

So, starting from what I literally just thought of because of what I literally just watched.

Pretear

It’s a terrible but great old anime about a girl who has to save the world by “fusing” with these handsome guys who are sworn to save the world from, basically, an evil witch.

I would recommend it if you like classic anime and/or magical girl stuff and/or reverse harems.

I watched it as a kid with my sisters so many times that I have the entire opening and ending sequences memorized and can give you an exact play by play of what happens in the entire series.

And, honestly, I find a lot of the premises within it pretty interesting.

The fusing thing is pretty neat.

Although it doesn’t change the appearance of the girl who “Pretes” with the guy, it conjures up a pretty cool, in my opinion, outfit and, sometimes, a weapon for her to use.

Also, the way that the “Knights”(that’s what the guys are called) work is actually quite fascinating and makes me wish there was more stuff written and animated for them.

For one, there is a sort of system of recreating the Knights when one of them dies.

For another, their abilities are quite cool, when you get past some of the weaker parts.

And there are just so many cool things you can do with them as a storyteller.

So here’s what I was thinking.

All of the sides are knights while Thomas is the Pretear.

One thing about Pretear is that it says the Pretear must be female.

But, as is the case with most rules in anime, this doesn’t necessarily have to be the case.

What if a Pretear turned out to be male.

Specifically, what if the Pretear was Thomas, who’s just trying to live his best life as a youtuber/ex-viner.

And what if the handsome guys who showed up to turn him into the Pretear where the sides we all know and love but Thomas had never met before.

And there are seven of them guys!

Seven Knights and, eventually, seven sides!

That’s an awesome coincidence.

But, without worrying about that, I’m mostly just thinking of what it would be like for Thomas to be the Pretear with all of the current sides as the Knights.

We could keep it with something more along the lines of the main elements, taking away the original extras of light and ice.

So each of the sides would be either fire, wind, earth, water, or sound.(because sound is an awesome element and you probably already know who I want to give it to.(especially because Sasame’s voice from the anime dub was hecking gorgeous and I absolutely love Virgil’s voice and want him to have this.))

Roman would be fire, of course.

Patton would be earth, because there are some abilities that Shin has as the Knight of Earth that make me think of Patton’s usual role as the sort of father and caregiver and stuff.

And the earth element is portrayed as something very soft and gentle in the series and it really feels appropriate for Patton.

Logan would be water, because I feel like it suits him in a way and I imagine that he would have something like a combination of water and ice since they’re so close and I took out the element.

Deceit would be wind, because he suits the sharpness of the element as it’s portrayed in the anime and he also suits Hayate because Hayate is a lying tsundere who lies so yeah.

And Virgil would, of course, be sound, because there are so many parallels between him and Sasame that it’s kind of ridiculous.

And I am going to list them now so, spoiler alert, I guess.

Their voices can make people faint from their beauty, I’m not kidding.

Sasame acts all cool and calm and okay with things but is internally filled with turmoil.

He has a tendency to be the voice of reason within the Knights, and I think Virgil has a tendency to be the same with Thomas and the sides.

Sasame is riddled with guilt from his past mistakes and is determined to make up for them.

But he makes up for them by doing the absolute worst thing possible and ends up breaking everyone’s hearts by trying to leave them. I’m not kidding about this either. This is a thing both of them did.

But then he gets his redemption at the end and everyone accepts him for who he really is.

Seriously, they are uncannily similar.

It’s kind of hilarious.

So, yeah.

Those are my basic thoughts on this.

Go watch Pretear.

It’s terrible and great and kind of dumb.

But I love it anyways.

Even tho, of course, it would be better if it where gayer.

Moving on!

Natsume's Book of Friends/Natsume Yuujinchou

This is my all time favorite anime.

I have watched the entire first four seasons over ten times now and all six seasons together three times since the new seasons came out.

I love this series more than anything in the world and would absolutely die for Natsume Takashi.(Just like Tanuma.(And literally everyone else.))

In it, a high school boy moves into the home of his new foster parents who happen to live in the town his grandmother used to live in.

He can see yokai while most people cannot and that leads to him being attacked by a bunch of them who think he’s actually his grandmother, who could also see yokai.

He finds out from them that his grandmother used to take the names of yokai she defeated in battle, which would turn them into her servants, and put them in a book she called “The Book of Friends”.

Natsume realizes that he has the book and decides to try and return all of the names in it to all of the yokai they belong to.

The yokai who told him about the book, and whom attacked him in order to get it from him before Natsume punched him and made him stop, decides to help him with this task by becoming his bodyguard and teaching him about yokai and the book in exchange for Natsume giving him the book should he die before emptying it.

Basically, a troubled boy tries to make up for the mistakes of his long dead grandmother, with the help of a very strong yokai disguised as a Maneki Neko/Lucky Cat, and ends up developing as a person over time as he makes friends with both humans and yokai alike and learns what it feels like to actually be a part of a family.

I will recommend it to anyone who likes supernatural slice of life’s and/or really good character development being the focus and/or lots of platonic love and/or just anyone who’s willing to listen to me because it’s hecking beautiful and I want everyone to know about it because it deserves the acknowledgement.

So, I was thinking about this recently while rewatching it once again.

What if Thomas was in Natsume’s place.

What if Thomas could see yokai but couldn’t tell anyone about it.

What if Thomas had a grandmother(His aunt Patty or something just cus that’s hilarious.)who could also see them.

What if Natsume inherited the book she filled with the names of yokai.

And what if he ended up deciding to return them with the help of a yokai bodyguard.

I’m very happy to have this thought.

The two are both the sweetest of beans and I love them dearly.

So I think it’s pretty appropriate.

Also, because I’m a sucker for it, a protective Virgil as a giant yokai dog disguised as a cat figurine is something that I would hecking live for.

Protective Virgil is basically my aesthetic at this point so this idea is perfect for me.

But then, also consider this.

Talyn and Joan as Kitamoto and Nishimura, respectively.(The best friends that don’t know about Natsume’s ability to see yokai but love him and all of his weird quirks anyways.)

Logan as Tanuma.(The friend who can’t see yokai but can still sense them and is, as such, allowed to know about Natsume’s secrets involving them and even help out when Natsume needs it.)

Patton as Taki.(The friend who can’t see or sense yokai but knows a lot about them and can basically use spells and equipment to deal with them and help out Natsume as well.)

Deceit as Natori.(The exorcist who can also see yokai but hates them and befriends Natsume while also trying to trick him into becoming an exorcist as well.)

Roman as one of the Dog’s Circle,(A group of yokai who befriended Natsume and are determined to help him whenever he needs them to.(He’d probably be someone like Hinoe, but with different abilities and things. I’d rather not be as specific with his role because I think he’d be better as his own sort of mythical being who befriends Thomas.))

And, because this needs repeating, Virgil as hecking Nyanko-Sensei.(The strong wolf/dog yokai sealed within the body of a cat figurine who becomes Natsume’s bodyguard because he wants the Book of Friends but eventually just protects him to the point of FACING LITERAL GODS because he cares about him.(Even tho he refuses to acknowledge it.))

Oh my god!

You guys have no idea how much I personally love this!

This entire thought process gives me life!

Especially when I think about all the fun stuff you can do with different mythologies and stuff!

As a fanfic or something this doesn’t have to take place in Japan.

This could just be in a nondescript universe where all the world, and it’s mythologies, are mixed.

So Thomas could meet greek and roman gods or old legends, like the headless horseman, and new legends, like slender man.

There could be crossovers from completely different fandoms that involve mythology.

It could be amazing!

I love this idea, so hecking much!

You guys seriously have no idea.

So, yeah, those are a couple of my anime rambles involving Thomas and the Sides.

I have more.

I have many many many more.

But I’m gonna stop here cus I’m quickly losing the fight to stay awake, which is a good thing cus I’m tired and should sleep so that I can stay awake for all of the stuff happening tomorrow, so I’m gonna go ahead and let myself rest.

Goodnight, hope you don’t mind my rambles, and you should seriously check out these anime.

Natsume Yuujinchou, especially.

It’s amazing.

I’m not kidding.

It’s the best thing.

I cry from it’s beauty every episode.

I’m not even kidding.

So, yeah.

Check it out and be blessed.

[letthiscomecrashingdown]

i need some motivation, i dont even know what to do anymore. i hate looking at my friends's stories cus i know theyre a bunch prettier and thinner than me, no matter how much i love them i just cant. my parents always poke fun at me and enjoy calling me fat. im 62 kgs 5'2 13 years old. i want to lose weight, (like only until idk 50 kgs???) what r ways i can do it or should i do it at all?

-thanks xx

Hello beautiful,

I’m not going to tell you what to do because that’s your decision. But I get it, I have smaller friends and prettier friends too and it sucks. But you’re pretty too and size doesn’t matter. I was about that size your age too and I thought the same things and felt the same way. The thing is, you’re still growing and you’re a kid. You should enjoy your life and not worry about what people think, especially your parents. They’re internalizing their own insecurities and pushing them onto you which is really shitty tbh. My whole family did the same to me and I finally told them to leave me alone and worry about their own problems and they eventually did. I know it’s corny and overdone but you are perfect just the way you are. It’s hard to ignore the negative thoughts and comments but try your hardest to. As long as you’re healthy, you’re doing just fine. Confidence is key, if you have that, you have everything. You can have any person with confidence so hold your head up high and love yourself. This is the only body you’ve got and no one will love you the way you love yourself. There will be days where you absolutely feel like garbage and that’s okay. Feel your feelings and pick yourself up but remember that you’re a bad ass bitch and that you’re beautiful. I hope this helps even a little. You can always message me whenever too ❤️

[theunrealinsomniac]

General: 10, Romantic: 5, Family/Parenthood: 6 & 7. Keep up the amazing stuff :D

Yay! First one, and four to go through. Ooo and some big oneslol.

So let’s get started!

General - 10 - Who out of their friends was smuggest about themgetting together?

Heh. It depends on how you regard Tsunade really. Because she’dset up a poll on when the two would admit it. And she WON. She never let thatgo.

But I think it’s kind of a given that when we say friends wemean the ones around the same age lol. At least in this context.

So, say it with me kids. 

INO!

Come on lol, she was the one trying to push them together foryears, so much so that she did a massive ‘I told you so!’ dance in thefaces of everyone who had doubted her betting the two would get together.

She was downright insufferable about it guys. Like she was anightmare about it. It went on for months. Hell she was still mentioning itoccasionally when they’d been married for a few years.

Ino is that friend who is sat at your ten year anniversarytaking credit for the whole relationship starting in the first place becauseshe’d masterminded it. She’s that woman.

And she’s not entirely wrong because:

Romantic - 5 - Did they try to keep their relationship a secret atall?

Yes. Yes, they did.

Which is why, as far as Sakura is concerned at least. There weretwo amounts of time they’d been together. The official version she tells peoplewho don’t need to know the messy details.

And then there’s the actual version. How they were hooking upand basically a couple for almost half a year before they were ‘caught’ and hadto come clean. 

Ino was the one who caught them. Meaning the one who’s resolve broke first. Because she was sharing a apartment with Sakura and also … well truth be told, they’re not subtle.

ANYONE who knew them even a little could tell that they were both miles happier than usual, and the ones who weren’t living in denial or were painfully naive, knew why. Anyone unfortunate enough to go on a mission with them would get to have it proven that the two were having sex. Energetically and enthusiastically so.

Sasuke brought earplugs. He spent the first couple years of his time in Konoha having to go on all missions outside of the village with an escort. The mission mentioned in the bit of writing I did for yesterday’s NaruSaku week event, please find here, was the first one when Sasuke used his earplugs.

Because he couldn’t listen to two people he’d known since before puberty fuck like catholic rabbits in springtime. He just couldn’t. Not again.

It doesn’t help that they both had terrible poker faces about it and, now she was letting him, Naruto was determined to be as romantic whenever he could. 

Naruto sent Sakura flowers on her birthday, to the ward she works in at the hospital no less, that had all the people Sakura worked with quizzing her about Naruto dropping them off and asking if he was her boyfriend.

And Sakura was too flustered and smitten with the gesture to deny that he was in fact her boyfriend. And Naruto didn’t stop doing things like that, and still hasn’t now they’re married and in their forties.

Sakura’s screw ups were a little less sweet. Because as I have established, my Sakura is the queen of perverts lol. The stupid girl needed to talk about all the good sex she was getting. And she was not very good at covering up the details on WHO she was sleeping with.

Out of the girls in their social circle, which grew with the inter-village politics improving, only Hinata was actively trying to ignore Sakura’s mention of whiskers and a seal that only ‘define the sexy muscles of his six pack!’

Plus she kept blowing off girly nights to hang out with Naruto, and when asked as to why she was spending so much time with Naruto … she would blush and get a dirty little look on her face. 

So simply put? They tried. And were allowed to believe they were successful. Until Ino couldn’t take it anymore.

But hey, they tried lol.

Family/Parenthood - 6 - How did Naruto react when Sakura told himshe was pregnant?

Depends which time you mean. They’ve got four kids lol.

But let’s go with the first one this time. Cus it’s the funniest.

Naruto was ecstatic. Then he was terrified. Then he was paranoid and then he was nervous. And he would cycle through those reactions for months.

Because I don’t know if it’s been mentioned but … they were not expecting Sachi. At all. I’ve touched on why in my previous headcanon list, read this to see a little about it, but suffice to say, two very horny muppets in their early twenties decided to risk no protection and so along came Sachi.

Thankfully, Naruto and Sakura were well into their relationship at this point. Good few years at this point and so, it wasn’t as big of a problem as it could have been. 

It just escalated a couple of things. They were already living together but now they needed a house. Naruto had been considering the best way to ask her to marry him for a couple months the moment Sakura passed him the positive pregnancy test. There was a ring on her finger within a month. The wedding being planned for after the baby was born.

So yeah, Naruto’s reaction to his girlfriend telling him she was pregnant first time … was probably about what you’d expect from a bloke already planning his future with said woman. 

Ecstatic terror lol.

Family/Parenthood - 7 - How did Sakura react when she found outshe was pregnant?

We’ll go first time again, because if I get asked this one again I can do it three times lol. 

 Sakura, yeah Sakura freaked out.

Like she wasn’t worried Naruto would leave her or be anything other than the perfect man about it. 

Because again, they’d been together for years, weddings and babies had been mentioned and even a little planned for. But always as something to be done when they were older.

She had some seriously deep conversations with a few people. She went to Ino first. 

She couldn’t tell her parents and she knew Ino would keep it between them. 

It was Ino who floated the idea of maybe getting an abortion. And Sakura would be lying if she said the idea hadn’t appealed to her. Something she said through tears when she admitted it to Naruto a couple of months into her pregnancy. Naruto was perfect about it of course and Sakura’s hormones made her want to hit him for it, kiss him for it and shake him for it for good measure.

But they were still so young and a child would be a life altering thing. An earth-shattering big thing to happen to both of them and what if they weren’t ready?But the thought of aborting Naruto and her’s child … Sakura couldn’t stomach it.

So with a lot of soul searching and talking it through with Naruto … they decided to keep the baby who would become Sachi Uzumaki.

And at any time when Sakura would question the logic of her decision … she would only need to look in Sachi’s eyes, or watch Naruto feed their daughter and she’d know. 

She’d made the right decision.

[fourtrisheafanfic]

Under the Stars (Jonerys FanFic)

Story Title:  Under the Stars

Summary: Modern AU, a camping trip in Colorado ends up being more than originally planned. Story will have 4 Chapters.

Chapter 1: Packing ~ Day One

Rating: Mature

++++o++++

Chapter title: Packing ~ Day One

*Jon POV*

"Sam, No!  No way are we making the same mistake again...all of our crap isn't going to fit into my truck!" I huff, while rummaging through the garage of the house we rent.  Where the hell is my hiking backpack? 

Sam and I have been roommates since freshman year, and now here we are...five years later and I'm finishing my last year of graduate school.  Sam sighs at me.  "Come on, Jon! If we can fit all our stuff into your truck, then we won't have to take another car.  I'll pay for gas."

"The definition of insanity is doing the same thing again and again...and expecting a different result.  Take your insanity somewhere else," I laugh, while waving my arms in the air.  "There is no way that all of my camping gear, and Gilly's gear, and then your gear will fit in my SUV.  We tried it last summer remember?!  How do you forget loading the car, only to have to unload it and start over?  You keep forgetting...one of us will need to sit in the back seat and wear a seatbelt."

Sam's face falls, "Oh, yeah... I guess Gilly will need an actual seat.  This sucks.  I just feel bad you have to drive alone, man."

Frowning, I shrug my shoulders, dismissing his concerns. I know Sam is just trying to be nice, he always worries about others before himself even. I sigh with relief, finding my backpack under some fishing gear.  Whew!

Sam just doesn’t understand, I'm fine with being alone. I'm use to it even. Growing up I always felt like an outsider in my own home.

Besides I'm better than fine.  I'm so much better after breaking up with Ygritte a month and a half ago. 

A couple of months before that, my girlfriend of a year started dropping hints about marriage.

Soon those hints became conversations about marriage.

After that, conversations became debates.

A little later, the debates became demands for an engagement ring, even telling me her ring size and diamond cut preference of princess. 

All of this while I was telling her...I was nowhere near ready to get married.  I even told her that I wasn't sure if I would ever want to get married.  Ever.  Family life is not something that appeals to me. Didn't faze her one bit.

I never misled her.  I was honest with her from day one of dating. Ygritte was the one that tried to change the rules.

Then one day she was honest with me. 

She was so distressed about my lack of commitment, that there had been an "accident".

I guess falling into bed naked with your high school sweetheart and having sex all weekend long could be considered an accident.

An accident to me is more like spilling your coffee, or dropping your cell phone in the toilet.  But what the hell do I know?

I shake my head remembering our last fight...our last anything. Ygritte had just returned from a long weekend in her hometown of Colorado Springs. 

The Springs is a little less than a two hour drive from Boulder, where we are both graduate students at University of Colorado.  Different departments, thank God.  I hope to never see her this coming semester; Ygritte studying in the Leeds School of Business, me in the Integrative Physiology department.

She came straight over to our house and basically told my roommates to leave their home since we needed privacy to talk.

Who does that?

The request was so outrageous and Ygritte is so loud and demanding, that Sam and Jamie decided to hightail it out of there.  Sam later telling me that they spent an hour at the bar speculating what her latest problem was.  The two front runners were pregnancy or a brain tumor, joking that both would explain her erratic behavior.  

Thankfully it was neither.

Ygritte actually thought that confessing about her weekend tryst would motivate me to move forward and 'finally' propose.  I asked her if she was high or just insane. 

We were over right then and there.  The best part?  She was mad at me!  She literally just had another dude on top of her less than 10 hours earlier...but somehow I was the bad guy. I don’t know why I was surprised, sex was something she didn’t see as a big deal. She always made it clear that she didn’t think sex and feelings had to be intertwined. That is probably why she thought I would just get over her screwing some other guy. Verses I’ve always been really careful about who I was intimate with, never interested in one night stands.

Good riddance.

"Thinking about Ygritte?" Sam chuckles.

"How can you tell?"

Sam starts laughing deeply, "Whenever you think about the breakup you get this goofy smile on your face.  Like you just won the damn lottery." 

I just laugh and remind him I did. 

Out of the corner of my eye I see Sam's watching me closely, deep in thought.

"What?" I finally ask.

"What about that girl you have been crushing on for almost a year?" Sam asks, clearing his throat. "You should ask her out."

Rolling my eyes I shake my head to say no.

"Why not, Jon?" Sam pushes. "She isn't your student anymore! Plus, you are a Teaching Assistant. It's not like you were her actual professor."

"Sam...seriously.  Just stop.  There are so many reasons why that's not going to happen," I snap, continuing to pack. I hate packing for a camping trip. Loathe it, even.  The sooner I'm packed up, the sooner I can get to bed.  We're heading out really early tomorrow.

"Go on, list your reasons," Sam urges. "I'd love to hear this. Because you and I both know the truth. You may have been dating Ygritte, but you always had that student in the back of your mind. Your constant brooding was proof you were never happy with Ygritte."

"First off, I’d been brooding long before I even met Ygritte. But fine - here goes! One: she was a student in my class and I just don't go there.  Those girls are like vultures, I can't even imagine dating one.  No way...not gonna happen."

Sam chuckles remembering the one student that sent me her silk thong through intercampus mail with an invitation to her apartment that night.  Sending it to my office... that five graduate assistants share. Opening that gem in front of my peers was a moment I'll never forget. Right up there with turning her down and then having to see her in class three times a week that semester.

Once Sam is done laughing he resumes his pitch, "Life is short my friend.  And she will be a senior next year, right?"

"Yeah," I mumble.

"So your teaching assignment next year, it's the lower level Integrative Physiology classes.  Unless she failed one of them and needs to repeat it, you won't be her teacher ever again.  What's the issue?" Sam continues.

"Of course she didn't fail, she's wicked smart.  She got an A in all my classes last year.  But...reason two: she's got a boyfriend." I say gruffly while Sam shrugs motioning for me to continue.

"Finally the most important reason, she wasn't into me...like at all," I say.  "She was polite and respectful, but never once flirted with me.  I had a few students with crushes, some were very sweet and some were incredibly aggressive.  It was just obvious I wasn't even on her radar. She’s out of my league."

Sam frowns while raising his hands in defeat.  Good, I don't want to talk about this anymore.

Sam moves his truck back to the front of the house.  It's a two seater, impossible for three of us to ride comfortably in the cabin.  Especially for a two hour drive to the Rocky Mountain National Park.

I do a final check of all the gear and supplies I'll need for this big Fourth of July holiday weekend camping trip.  I rub my hands together preparing to fit it all into my SUV. 

I can admit I am a little OCD...I like things to be a certain way, when possible.  Or maybe my stepmother just successfully harped it into me after all those years under her thumb. All the years she treated me like less, while making me the family errand boy.

That is another time I won the damn lottery: when I successfully cut all financial ties with my stepmother. Now that I am no longer dependent on my parents for anything, she is actually much better with me.

I worked my ass off during my undergrad years at CU, and it paid off after a while.  Through my relationships with faculty and my academic record, I was offered a teaching graduate assistant position that paid for all of my master's degree and even a stipend for housing and cost of living. The best part is I enjoy teaching, I care about the students.

I push thoughts of my childhood out of my mind now.

That is the past, I have moved forward.

++o++

An hour later we're still packing the cars while enjoying pizza and beer.  Jamie, who is Sam's friend from high school, just got home from work and still needs to get organized before packing his girlfriend's SUV with their stuff.  I'm looking forward to this weekend with my friends.  I'll enjoy camping once I'm there, but it is such a pain in the ass to get ready and then set up.  But it's worth it.

I cringe remembering that it'll be me alone with three other couples.  How fun.  At least I'll have my own tent.  Ygritte and I were together when we planned this weekend many months ago.

Actually, my friends are pretty awesome.  I'd rather be the single, odd man out, then there with the wrong girl on my arm.

We have an awesome group for this weekend's adventure.  Sam's longtime girlfriend is Gilly, who is like a sister to me.  Jaime’s brother, Tyrion, is also coming.  Tyrion has a new girlfriend named Shae that will be joining us for the first time.  She seems really cool, much better than the last string of girls Tyrion dated.  And then Jamie has been dating Brienne for a little under a year.  I don't know her that well, but she seems like a cool girl. She is tough as shit, and takes no crap from Jamie.

Sam, Gilly and I graduated with our bachelor's degrees a year ago. Sam is now working on his thesis in psychology while Gilly was beyond done with further education and has been working at a startup company in town.  All the others will be starting their senior year this fall.

Sam is a rock star, so organized. He reserved our car-camping sites months ago, the moment the RMNP website opened for summer reservations.  He showed me on the online campsite map; we have four different lots that are close, but not too close. Our lots share a large fire pit. The best part is that our pod of lots is the furthest one out, backing up to natural space.  Sam outdid himself this time.

As I'm loading my SUV, Sam eyes the gear I laid out on the garage floor.  "Jon, how big is the tent you are packing?  The six-person one...for only you? I can let you borrow my two-person one."

I'd be miserable in a small tent, plus I need room for my husky, Ghost.

"No, I like my big tent, but thank you." I say firmly.

"Well I guess you aren't taking Ygritte's sleeping bag then?  I'm shocked she didn't take it with her." Sam jokes while eying the spare bag.

Ygritte was so pissed when we broke up...that she even packed up some of the snacks she bought from our kitchen.  Jamie is still convinced she swiped his full box of Lucky Charms. 

"Ha!  She probably forgot all about 'her' sleeping bag, or I'm sure she would have taken it.  Besides, I paid for it as part of my camping collection.  It's not like I bought it as a gift." I say while tossing the spare sleeping bag into the back of the garage.  I'll put it away when I get back.

"I'm sorry you are stuck with only couples this weekend," Sam says. "But to be honest, I'm glad you cut Ygritte loose. She wasn’t the nicest person, often rude," he ends in a mumble. Nodding, I have nothing to add. Sam hardly speaks ill of anyone, so I know how strongly he must feel.

"Well, she's gone now, it's completely over. I heard she started dating that guy the next week," I say. "Honestly, I'm happy for her. I don't have any hard feelings. I just hope that he can meet all her expectations in life. Princess-cut diamond and all!" I snicker, as Sam spits out his water.

"Part of me feels like I should be worried about you, your woman stepping out on you and all.  I then remember you never considered Ygritte as the real thing.  Did you ever tell her you loved her?  Did you ever love her?"

"Nope. I did care for her of course, I guess at one point I thought it was love," I frown at the memory. "I just realized that she wasn’t that person that made me really feel, I have to believe that exists out there!" I finish then losing myself in my own thoughts.

"Come on, enough about Ygritte," I say. The Ygritte topic is draining. "Let's finish this up.  I can't believe Jamie hasn't even started loading their car yet. Let's offer to help."

Sam nods as we enter the house to check on him.

As I trudge towards Jamie's room I think about her warm smile and bright eyes.  She's beautiful, but it's not about that.  The University of Colorado has tons of beautiful girls.  There's something about this girl that has captivated me from the moment I met her.  She's direct, yet kind, smart, and when she looks at me...it is as though she is staring right into my soul.

Her name is Daenerys, but all her friends call her Dany. 

++o+ Chapter End +o++

Read Chapter 2 (here)

Author's Note:

My concept was originally written as a Divergent story, but I see so many similarities between Jon and Four that I decided to redo this story and make it work for JONERYS. Thank you for reading!

~ FourTris_HEA

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