#my parents always said ‘why pay for a game when there are so many online for free’

[tauntedperfume]

Do i play wizard 101 or go to bed. Its almost 3 am

[samooooo1]

based on my digimon master online game, how would be like a 24 year old fem! tamer who found in her doorstep a cardboard box with 4 digieggs (wizardmon, terriermon, (fem!) lopmon (she is terriermon's younger twin sister) and meicoomon) and when they hatch as lil keemon, zerimon, kokomon, and a fluffier looking snow botamon with faint light markings (that sign that she is a meicoomon when she grows and evolve to her actual form);

and the lil keemon is the one who loves y/n a lot compared to the other 3 who like her too; with a timeskip of 2 years later with him now as a wiz giving her a flower before confessing his feelings for her and gladly she accepts his feelings.

(Credit to the artist (Artist is mentioned down there on the right side))

(Sorry but I cant picture myself this scenario, as you would have been like a mother figure to them which is why I will do platonic version but no more or less, sorry since it probably would be heading a entirely diffrent way then you wanted but such scenarios are also platonic in my eyes.)

B/f x reader

Growing closer

_____________________

It was a cold nice day, finally after 8 painfully long hours of working, since you gotta make a living somehow, you took office job and after it was finally over and since it was over, first thing you done was to watch TV, there way to many TV Series that have to be finished by you and to little time to sadly do it. After watching a couple series for some hours, you heard a sound from the door you went there, thinking what or who would do such thing this late at the day.

You have gone to your door and opended it and found.. a cardboard with some eggs in it? You were weirded out having never seen such eggs.. and big at that to, you first thought these were Ostrich eggs.. so you tried to cook them but they were to hard and couldnt break which frustrated you.

Sooo, like any person with the average IQ of -5, you used Google to try and find out what these eggs were or better say from which animal or organism they came. To your suprise, they werent any ordinary eggs.. these eggs were called Digieggs and after some throughout research you found out what will come out of these eggs, some Digimons named Botamon, Kokomon, Zerimon and Keemon, they were fictional characters from your childhood Show 20 years ago, you used to watch it so much but sadly have forgotten most of these times.

So you made sure to take them with you everywhere, as to make sure that when they hatch you can see it in a instant. After some further hours of waiting they hatched ! You saw and felt like a Mum VvV, seeing their kids being born, you were very happy :D

Now the funny part.. you dont know what they eat, nor what they can eat or not, they arent any organic organism but you decided milk and some meat should be ok for now.

You searched up their names and what they could "evolve" into, or as people would say "digievolve" into. Now you got a Keemon, small and friendly but sometimes somehow angry, how? I dont know, a Botamon, a chaotic little energy ball, a Kokomon very cute choco looking like digimon and lastly Zerimon, weird but also cute.

Now there was another small problem, you never had to take care of any kids, much less since you were a only child and pretty much got always what you wanted, you never had to do anything. Now that you were a fully responsible adult and moved away from your parents and took a job to pay rent and your living expsenes, you didnt know if you were able to take care of these little Digimon.

Sooo, you called your bestfriend over, he was at first not believing a single word you have said but the moment he was in with you.. He was fascinated, such cute little creatures? But then he asked for what reason did you actually call him.

"So... hehe, basicly if I would this alone, there be to much for me to work off... and I dont wanna be a single mum, and since we both are already bestfriends why dont you help ne :D Also these little kids need a dad."

"Wait wait wait wait- a dad? But why me!"

You mentaly slapped yourself and just gave him a unfazed stare.

"Who is a man, is my closet friend, can weirdly be a good dad, can help me and is always there for me :D"

He just sighned and.. even though to us its obvious and you being a blind person ( in terms of reading the room), he has feelings for you and taking care of them with you.

"You will be the mother?"

You just nodded VvV. "Then... eh.. should I adress you as honey then, infront of the kids?" At that point you just stared at him. Would that title suit you?... Yes, yes it would.You happily nodded.

"So we be parents then? :D" you asked, he just embarrasedly nodded and you jumped in the air, feeling all happy and friendly, atleast you wont be having to deal all this alone, you have someone by your side during all of this.He just smilled at you, how could you be so blind to his feelings but because of you.. he be doing this, out of love for you.

2 Years Timeskip~

After some years parenting, both you and B/f have come far, your small little kids that you named happily, Botamon, you named him after your Uncle, his name was Kai, and little Botamon gave some Ninjago Kai vibes off, and he always watched that show as he grew up.Kokomon, you named them Choc, because of his chocolate coulered self and his affinity to liking sweets that are always sided with chocolate flavor.Zerimon was named Lemon, he is coloured like a Lemon and loves Citrus fruits, noice which is why the both you of named him Lemon and he is the exact opposites of his sister Zerimon.Keemon was the weirdest of the bunch, he was like a clingy dog which is why ya named him Max, he wouldnt leave neither your or B/f sides, always calling you both Mum and Dad, which at times made you chuckle and B/f a blushing mess, yet as they digivoled all into their respective forms you couldnt help but smile at them and B/f and even thought it might have seemed as if you were oblivious to B/fs feelings, you werent, you also liked him but wanted just to tease him so much it also made you realise how thankful you were that he was by your side, supporting and helping you no matter what or without any complaints, so one day when it was late and the kids were sleeping, you invited him to the livingroom since before you both have sleeped seperately but now you wanted to be more then just friends, you took him to the livingroom and confessed to him.

When he heard those words from you "I like you more then a simple friend".. he cried, he was happy beyond any thing that could be scaled, this one was one of the hapiest day of his life, and yes finally after so long you are finally his. He took you by arms and hugged you, its safe to say that you both went to bed after that confession but didnt did the deed as you both were faithful followers of the lord, you saved yourself for day you both will marry.

But the both of you pray and hope that the lord will bless you both with more such happy moments , the moment that the both of you will spend together, as lovers and one flesh, just as the lord always had planned for the both of you.

_____________________

Thanks for making a request but please, any kind of family bond should also be kept as one, but I hope you all enjoyed this small fic and wish ya all a blessed day/night.

God bless ya all!

;)

[nrdmssgs]

Any advice in making a character

Oh, I`ve got so many, I actually had to restrain myself))

Be self-indulgent! This is the most important thing to do. If any of my further tips conflicts for you personally with this one - this must always win! The main purpose of your character is for you to have fun, to get a voice, to be able to talk about whatever is important to you! Pay no attention whatsoever to people accusing you of making Mary Sue or Bella Swan. It is ok to learn, make mistakes, make characters, that will make you cringe in a few years.

Make as much moodboards as you need! 5 pinterest boards for 1 character is ok, even great! Don't hesitate to make a full moodboard for their home, even if you are planning like 1 short scene in the house.

Moodboards are good not only for pictures! Feel free to add quotes, that remind you of your OC, make playlists for them, go to your favorite clothing online catalog and pick, what would they buy from it! I for example have a thing for scents and I make perfume moodboards for characters (just helps me to feel them better). I use Miro for multimedia moodboards, highly recommend it.

Try starting your character as an 'archetype'. What I like to do is to go to this page and take a test from a perspective of my character The results often help me understand, how would my character react to different people and manage different situations. There are different personality tests, you can use. I believe, this one is the most well known, but I find my first option more helping in writing.

Character 'growth' is not obliged to be something positive. Your character can always become a worse person and it is still a growth.

'Play' with your character constantly! Even if you made them for one short text - ask yourself questions about them every now and them! Would they pick the same type of cheese as you? What was their favorite music genre, when they were 10? And now? What was the most awkward date, they ever had? Dont be shy, use writing promts to come up with little stories about them. This all will give you an indepth understanding of your character.

One of my favorite games to play with my characters is '3 interviews'. I imagine my character taking part in: 1. a talk with a psychologist 2. a cross-examination in court 3. an interview with a journalist. These are 3 situations, that motivate the same person speak on very different topics and relive different emotions. So I like to just examine their behavior. You will be surprised, how many ideas this little game adds to your character.

Don't be shy to ask others to tell you about your character. Request little stories or headcannons about them. The goal here is not to have the same perspective on your OC as your friends do. The goal is to understand, how others see them and which detail (and why) work good or bad for you. There are some authors out there, that take requests and commissions for others OCs.

It is ok to make your characters look like an average person and it is absolutely ok to make them look incredibly beautiful. Don't force yourself to change anything in your OC just because their partner is very good-looking, or because some said to you, that such a beautiful person has no place in this fandom.

Give your OC friends, hobbies, interests outside their job and love-life. Please. You will be surprised, how useful it is to keep this emotional hideout for your character.

Killing your OCs parents is not the only way to make them move out of their parents house. (don't worry, I myself have 2 OCs, whose parents are dead).

Making your OC kill someone is not the end of your OC. Your readers wont start hating them.

The more power your character has - the less freedom they get. Life of a queen is planned to the minute, life of a peasant - endless pool of possibilities))

Watch video essays where therapists talk about different characters in popular culture! There are so many ideas, you can get there for your character. My favorite channel is cinema therapy they have so many wholesome, funny, serious vid on this topic!

By the way, never be afraid to borrow some ideas.

Wanna see a trick? Ok, I'll describe briefly a character to you and you will try to guess, who am I talking about. So our guy, a middle-aged man, lives in a depressing gray world, full of violence and indifference. He loses his job and escapes his constant suffering in fantasies, where he is famous, has his own show on TV, the audience loves him and even his favorite late night show host applauds him. But these are only his fantasies, when in reality nobody care about him except for his senior mom, who genuinely loves her son. Youre thinking something like "Arthur Fleck" or "Joker"? Well, I've just described you Rupert Pupkin, the main character of 1982 American comedy "The king of Comedy", which had a great impact on 2019 film Joker.

My message here: it is not bad to revisit your favorite stories and characters and let them form your OC.

Abandoning one OC and moving on to the next is not a betrayal. Having multiple OCs for one fandom is not an inability to concentrate. Your brain produces many ideas - it is ok to give yourself creative space.

Self insert can be fun and interesting. Just don't forget, that you are not obliged to insert yourself in one and only character - you can always give your thoughts and traits to multiple characters in the story!

Your character needs flaws, not because it is a shame to write somebody perfect. They need flaws, because that will actually help them navigate through their lives.

[survey--s]

478.

Was your childhood wasted by something? The only thing I’d change is how much time I spent in childcare - both my parents were pretty focused on work and it meant that, at times, it felt like they didn’t have much time left for me.

Would you rather die during an adventure or die like a normal person? I want to die in my sleep - totally oblivious.

Have your parents ever put you on a diet? Not a diet as such, but they were hyper-focused on healthy eating when I was growing up and it could be a bit...extreme sometimes.

Have your parents ever tried to commit suicide? Not to my knowledge.

Do you have a gag reflex? Yeah - a really sensitive one.

Do you ever fantasize about trying drugs? I’m too paranoid about the consequences to ever do drugs, but if I knew I could try them all safely with no potential to become addicted etc, I absolutely would.

Have you ever put gum in someone’s hair? No. I did put it in my own fringe once though lol.

Would you rather have sex before you’re married or wait till marriage? I’m glad I didn’t wait until marriage.

Have you ever not gone to school, just because? Not school, but I skipped a lot of university simply because I couldn’t be arsed. Do you know anyone who can play the bagpipes? No, I don’t think so?

Have you ever let someone hit you? Playfully, sure.

Do you own a hand warmer? No.

Do you have friends in other states/countries? Sure, mostly online friends.

Do you ever pay attention during church? I never go to church.

Have you ever broke a window? No.

When was the last time you freaked someone out? I have absolutely no idea.

Have you ever gone on a date with a weirdo? Hahah, yes.

Who’s the last person you called a bitch? I have no idea.

Do you drink kool-aid? I’ve never had it before.

Have you ever dropped something hot on your foot? Yeah, I did that just the other day actually lol.

Do you watch porn?: No. I tried it once and it just made me laugh lol. Have you ever missed someone you hated? Sure.

Is anyone in your family disabled? No.

What do you want for Christmas? Uh, we’re only in March, but I guess money? I would be asking for riding stuff but my instructor is having to stop at the end of next month and I’m GUTTED.

How many moles do you have? Hundreds. I’ve always had them.

Do you make your bed everyday? Yeah, I make it every morning before I leave for work.

Do you know how to ride a bike? Sure.

Do you own any comic books? No. I remember buying the Beano every week as a kid though.

What is the nastiest dare you have ever committed? I never liked playing that game.

Do you know anyone who has been raped? Yes.

Are you an atheist? Yes.

Have you ever owned a goldfish? No.

Who was the last person to call you beautiful? Uhh, probably my husband.

How many times have you been stung by a bee? Just the once. I’m more scared of hornets to be honest - nasty fuckers lol.

What was the last flavor of gum you chewed? Spearmint.

When was the last time you used tape? Uh, last week but I’ll need to use some later as I have a treat box I need to make up for posting tomorrow.

When was the last time you said fuck? Today.

Have you ever stolen something? Yeah, but nothing huge.

What’s the last movie you watched? Lord of the Rings: Return of the King.

Who’s the last person you watched a movie with? Does the dog count? lol.

Where were you yesterday at 5 PM? Right here, probably doing the same thing I’m doing now lol.

Who would you like to kiss right now? I’m good.

When was the last time you had tic tacs? Years ago. I only ever really liked the orange and lime ones.

When was the last time you ate chicken? Uhh...I want to say Wednesday, maybe?

Who was the last person you told to ‘Shut the fuck up’ to? Mike lol.

Why were you last nervous? Taking Archie to the vets on Tuesday. Thankfully it appears his lump is shrinking so even if it needs removing, hopefully it’s not cancer.

Whose pants did you last take off? Mine.

When was the last time you were disturbed? I don’t remember.

Why did you last feel awkward? I had to drop a dog off to a client who was organising his dad’s funeral :/ how do you even behave in that scenario lol.

When was the last time you got in a fight with your best friend? We’ve never had a proper fight.

Have you ever asked someone for a tampon? Yes.

Who was the last person you read a book to? Uhh, I don’t know. I’ve maybe read an extract to my mum?

Who is the person you say the most naughtiest things to? Mike.

Who was the last person to send you a letter? Susie.

Do you like cupcakes or muffins more? It depends on my mood.

Have you ever pushed someone on purpose? Yeah.

Have you ever slapped someone in the face? Yeah, in self-defence and in play.

[apenitentialprayer]

I hit the breaking point as a parent a few years ago. It was the week of my extended family’s annual gathering in August, and we were struggling with assorted crises. My parents were aging; my wife and I were straining under the chaos of young children; my sister was bracing to prepare her preteens for bullying, sex and cyberstalking. Sure enough, one night all the tensions boiled over. At dinner, I noticed my nephew texting under the table. I knew I shouldn’t say anything, but I couldn’t help myself and asked him to stop. Ka-boom! My sister snapped at me to not discipline her child. My dad pointed out that my girls were the ones balancing spoons on their noses. My mom said none of the grandchildren had manners. Within minutes, everyone had fled to separate corners. Later, my dad called me to his bedside. There was a palpable sense of fear I couldn’t remember hearing before. “Our family’s falling apart,” he said. “No it’s not,” I said instinctively. “It’s stronger than ever.” But lying in bed afterward, I began to wonder: Was he right? What is the secret sauce that holds a family together? What are the ingredients that make some families effective, resilient, happy? It turns out to be an astonishingly good time to ask that question. The last few years have seen stunning breakthroughs in knowledge about how to make families, along with other groups, work more effectively. Myth-shattering research has reshaped our understanding of dinnertime, discipline and difficult conversations. Trendsetting programs from Silicon Valley and the military have introduced techniques for making teams function better. The only problem: most of that knowledge remains ghettoized in these subcultures, hidden from the parents who need it most. I spent the last few years trying to uncover that information, meeting families, scholars and experts ranging from peace negotiators to online game designers to Warren Buffett’s bankers. After a while, a surprising theme emerged. The single most important thing you can do for your family may be the simplest of all: develop a strong family narrative. I first heard this idea from Marshall Duke, a colorful psychologist at Emory University. In the mid-1990s, Dr. Duke was asked to help explore myth and ritual in American families.“There was a lot of research at the time into the dissipation of the family,” he told me at his home in suburban Atlanta. “But we were more interested in what families could do to counteract those forces.” Around that time, Dr. Duke’s wife, Sara, a psychologist who works with children with learning disabilities, noticed something about her students.“The ones who know a lot about their families tend to do better when they face challenges,” she said. Her husband was intrigued, and along with a colleague, Robyn Fivush, set out to test her hypothesis. They developed a measure called the “Do You Know?” scale that asked children to answer 20 questions. Examples included: Do you know where your grandparents grew up? Do you know where your mom and dad went to high school? Do you know where your parents met? Do you know an illness or something really terrible that happened in your family? Do you know the story of your birth? Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush asked those questions of four dozen families in the summer of 2001, and taped several of their dinner table conversations. They then compared the children’s results to a battery of psychological tests the children had taken, and reached an overwhelming conclusion. The more children knew about their family’s history, the stronger their sense of control over their lives, the higher their self-esteem and the more successfully they believed their families functioned. The “Do You Know?” scale turned out to be the best single predictor of children’s emotional health and happiness. “We were blown away,” Dr. Duke said. And then something unexpected happened. Two months later was Sept. 11. As citizens, Dr. Duke and Dr. Fivush were horrified like everyone else, but as psychologists, they knew they had been given a rare opportunity: though the families they studied had not been directly affected by the events, all the children had experienced the same national trauma at the same time. The researchers went back and reassessed the children.“Once again,” Dr. Duke said, “the ones who knew more about their families proved to be more resilient, meaning they could moderate the effects of stress.” Why does knowing where your grandmother went to school help a child overcome something as minor as a skinned knee or as major as a terrorist attack? “The answers have to do with a child’s sense of being part of a larger family,” Dr. Duke said. Psychologists have found that every family has a unifying narrative, he explained, and those narratives take one of three shapes. First, the ascending family narrative: “Son, when we came to this country, we had nothing. Our family worked. We opened a store. Your grandfather went to high school. Your father went to college. And now you. ...” Second is the descending narrative: “Sweetheart, we used to have it all. Then we lost everything.” “The most healthful narrative,” Dr. Duke continued, “is the third one. It’s called the oscillating family narrative: ‘Dear, let me tell you, we’ve had ups and downs in our family. We built a family business. Your grandfather was a pillar of the community. Your mother was on the board of the hospital. But we also had setbacks. You had an uncle who was once arrested. We had a house burn down. Your father lost a job. But no matter what happened, we always stuck together as a family.’ ” Dr. Duke said that children who have the most self-confidence have what he and Dr. Fivush call a strong “intergenerational self.” They know they belong to something bigger than themselves. Leaders in other fields have found similar results. Many groups use what sociologists call sense-making, the building of a narrative that explains what the group is about. Jim Collins, a management expert and author of “Good to Great,” told me that successful human enterprises of any kind, from companies to countries, go out of their way to capture their core identity. In Mr. Collins’s terms, they “preserve core, while stimulating progress.” The same applies to families, he said. Mr. Collins recommended that families create a mission statement similar to the ones companies and other organizations use to identify their core values. The military has also found that teaching recruits about the history of their service increases their camaraderie and ability to bond more closely with their unit.Cmdr. David G. Smith is the chairman of the department of leadership, ethics and law at the Naval Academy and an expert in unit cohesion, the Pentagon’s term for group morale. Until recently, the military taught unit cohesion by “dehumanizing” individuals, Commander Smith said. Think of the bullying drill sergeants in “Full Metal Jacket” or “An Officer and a Gentleman.” But these days the military spends more time building up identity through communal activities. At the Naval Academy, Commander Smith advises graduating seniors to take incoming freshmen (or plebes) on history-building exercises, like going to the cemetery to pay tribute to the first naval aviator or visiting the original B-1 aircraft on display on campus. Dr. Duke recommended that parents pursue similar activities with their children. Any number of occasions work to convey this sense of history: holidays, vacations, big family get-togethers, even a ride to the mall. The hokier the family’s tradition, he said, the more likely it is to be passed down. He mentioned his family’s custom of hiding frozen turkeys and canned pumpkin in the bushes during Thanksgiving so grandchildren would have to “hunt for their supper,” like the Pilgrims. “These traditions become part of your family,” Dr. Duke said. Decades of research have shown that most happy families communicate effectively. But talking doesn’t mean simply “talking through problems,” as important as that is. Talking also means telling a positive story about yourselves. When faced with a challenge, happy families, like happy people, just add a new chapter to their life story that shows them overcoming the hardship. This skill is particularly important for children, whose identity tends to get locked in during adolescence. The bottom line: if you want a happier family, create, refine and retell the story of your family’s positive moments and your ability to bounce back from the difficult ones. That act alone may increase the odds that your family will thrive for many generations to come.

- Bruce Feiler. Emphases added.

[ramblingguy54]

True Colors: An Emotionally Fantastic Serious Game Changer.

If we’re to look back at Reunion as Season 1���s dramatic pay off for Amphibia’s message of toxic friendships, as Anne & Sasha’s conflicting dynamic showed us, then True Colors is a colossal expansive note on this big theme of the series. True Colors makes Season 1′s finale look like a walk in the park for what angst goes down between our three main heroins in Season 2′s climatic resolution. Everything that can go wrong does go oh so painfully wrong for these three kids. Anne, to no one’s surprise, gets double crossed by Sasha leaving things between them a Hell of a lot more bitter than they were previously, as if that couldn’t already be topped when Sasha tried to kill the Plantars before. Anne has had enough of her lies and manipulation not being afraid to tell Sasha straight up how awful of a friend she’s been in general, even hitting her where it hurts most of all saying, “No, I’m done listening to you! I’m done trusting you! You’re a horrible person and I am done being FRIENDS with you!”, going so far as to get a shaken reaction out of Sasha dropping her brave face act, making this girl try to wipe away the frog family.

Right off the bat, True Colors makes it highly evident this isn’t just another story of stopping a bigger threat, but one hitting much closer to home, overall. Yes, King Andrias is certainly a dangerous villain, who makes his presence and intimidating nature known to the others by True Color’s final act, which despite this Amphibia isn’t entirely putting him at the forefront, rather focusing on a more intimate study of Anne, Sasha, and Marcy’s big emotional conflict. This finale knows exactly where to put its focus of importance on, so I love that instead of it being action packed we’re getting the spotlight shined on just how screwed up these three of a friendship have, in spite of Marcy claiming in The Dinner episode, “We’re supposed to be friends for life. We don’t split up!’ . Very ironic stuff right there, indeed.

True Colors’ most powerful strength it adds to Amphibia’s ongoing profound story about healthy friendships is the thorough deconstruction of these girls defined “ideal relationship” as people. Before Anne came to the world of Amphibia this kid was afraid to stand up for what she believed in, even knowing especially well that stealing the calamity box was morally questionable, but did it anyway. Sasha was super manipulative, abusive, and used her power to control people, like she did a lot of toward Anne in their lives. Marcy, while very smart, wasn’t the most competent physically, who soon grew into being more independent without needing to rely on Anne always having to be there for her. These three were changed immensely by the events of being thrust into this world of sentient amphibian creatures. Anne benefited morally most out out of all three in taking up the mantle of responsibility and ironing out her own issues. She’s become a much stronger person all around. 

This episode asks us an important question though in nutshell with, “Have Sasha & Marcy truly changed for the better?”, since Anne has reached a point in her arc feeling genuinely content with who she’s become and the bonds that have been made with the Plantar family shown most notably with Sprig Plantar. Hence the whole purpose behind the song, It’s No Big Deal, with Anne feeling proud for who she is, yet not noticing a bigger issue right underneath her nose. That previous episode was meant to bring Anne’s happiness up only to bring it all crashing down in a devastating display of new revelations in True Colors. Every dramatic emotional beat isn’t just earned. Each significant moment is completely knocked out of the park by terrific voice acting, beautiful animation, and music composition that gave me serious emotional goosebumps. True Colors did exactly as Not What He Seems accomplished for Gravity Falls in shaking up its own respective dramatic stakes just when you thought it couldn’t get any higher for these protagonists. Shit seriously hits the fan here.

Did it ever occur to you, Anne? Sasha? That one of you knew more, than she was letting on? That ONE of you might’ve gotten you stranded in Amphibia on purpose...?

The big bombshell twist of Marcy playing a part too in getting them into this whole debacle completely flips everything upside down. Sasha pushed Anne into taking the Calamity Box, yes, but if Marcy never sent that photo because of her desire to stay with them together forever, then they wouldn’t have been stranded in basically a world full of dangerous creatures and who knows what else. Easily my favorite part of the episode, considering it adds more nuance to a situation that defined Amphibia’s story. It wasn’t just one person’s fault at the end of the day. Sasha bullied Anne into taking the box, Anne didn’t put her foot down to make a stand for something morally questionable, and Marcy took advantage of them both to benefit her own selfish desires for supposedly a “happy ending” not involving them staying apart, due to her parents moving away for a new job. All three girls played an important part on why they got landed into Amphiba. It’s why Anne’s statement to King Andrias, “The three of us may have made some mistake, but you...You’re evil and I’m gonna stop you!”, holds such a real weight to it, as this story continues to solidify how genuinely fleshed out their dynamic is.

Marcy’s super desperate plea to be understood by Anne & Sasha when Andrias revealed her getting them thrown into Amphibia purposefully was hard to watch. On one hand, I felt for Marcy because she didn’t want real life circumstances to tear apart that close connection she had to Sasha & Anne. Sure, she could’ve just kept in touch with them over the phone or chatting online, too. However, Marcy had known them since very early childhood. When you’ve been so attached to someone it can be a devastating thing, depending on just how vulnerable you are emotionally, to start drifting apart. Marcy represents that embodiment of toxic need for togetherness and couldn’t bear to let a possibility, like moving away, throw a wrench into her happiness and friendship, as well.

Never mind Marcy wanting to stay permanently in a different reality, rather than face her’s, but it made this person feel like something more. It gave her a chance to feel truly special in being able to live out a fantasy dream of having such power and freedom that a kid, like herself, couldn’t have had. The freedom to know she is plenty capable of making it out there on her own without Anne having to watch this kid like a hawk. So, to have someone, or something, try taking it away from her terrified Marcy of facing a terrible truth. That she isn’t strong enough after all to live a life without Anne & Sasha by her side completely, where Marcy will never feel truly worthy enough to blossom into her own person. It’s why that line, “I just...didn’t want to be alone...”, carries such a deep pain to it all. Marcy just crumbles into pieces accepting her greatest weakness. As much as Marcy fumbled the ball big time, it’s so easy to empathize with her on the idea of feeling competent enough. Marcy never meant to hurt Anne or Sasha, but the sad crushing punchline is she very much did.

Speaking of which, Anne had every right to be upset and mad, obviously. Anne has been missing so many things from her life before everything went off the wall. Hopping Mall especially highlighted Anne’s emotional desire to give anything just to hear her mother’s singing again. This teenager has been really dealing with a lot of grief in general quite honestly. Anne got into a high stakes battle against Sasha to save new friends, who’d practically became like an adopted family, which left the poor girl traumatized and heartbroken over the end result. She thought finding Marcy would help compensate for it and eventually be able to mend those complications with Sasha to boot. It’s simply painful to see it all blow up in Anne’s face to know not only Sasha betrayed her trust yet again, but realizing Marcy also played a part of responsibility in getting them thrown here. Matt Braly really just decided to slap future trust issues onto Anne finding out Hop Pop, Sasha, and Marcy were all super dishonest in their intentions at one point or another. Damn, I feel so bad for her.

It makes their embracing hug back in Marcy At The Gates so much harder to watch. Anne was super glad to see her again. Anne had wondered what became of Marcy or even possibly started to think she could even be alive at all. Then come to find out later on Marcy having intentionally ripped her away from a normal life must’ve felt worse then what happened with Sasha. Anne, already done with all of Sasha’s bullshit, thought she could at least expect better from Marcy not letting her down, but that too wasn’t the case. Marcy is very much as flawed as Sasha in what she has done. To think, Anne wanted so badly to get back home, yet she’s staring the very person dead in the eye, who ripped her away from it to begin with. Marcy knew Sasha would talk Anne into taking the box from that thrift shop, even if she wasn’t completely certain it would successfully teleport them away. Regardless of whatever good intentions someone can have in why they did what they did, it still doesn’t absolve them of said mistake. Fact of the matter is, Marcy tragically made her own bed, by choosing to mess with forces she couldn’t begin to comprehend and now has to face consequences, in spite of her not deserving them.

What really got to me was when Marcy tried to spin around Anne’s personal growth and close friendship with the Plantars as all entirely thanks to her. When she said, “I gave you this! I gave you everything!”, I was like, “Nope, that couldn’t be any further from the truth.”, seeing everything that has culminated in Anne’s journey of bettering herself. Marcy didn’t give Anne anything, but a one way ticket to cutting the kid off from her family, presuming she’d be fine with this idea. It’s all kinds of messed up, however what it boils down to is Marcy undermining Anne’s independence and agency. Anne’s moral judgement in decision making was what allowed her to create this new life she made for herself in Amphibia. Anne’s honesty as a whole led her down a path of togetherness, while Marcy’s lying landed her in a result of not wanting to be alone, costing her so much.

“I don’t believe this. We were so focused on each other we couldn’t see what was right in front of us!”

True Colors excels at earning each of its emotional beats because they line up with character motivations down to the last letter. Anne doesn’t want to trust Sasha anymore because of their already rocky past, which leads to her helping King Andrias regain control of his kingdom. Sasha not keeping a lid on her temper, wanting to rule over Amphibia, and trying to reinforce that power dynamic with Anne & Marcy only made things worse for her image of a changed good friend. There wasn’t a chance in Hell Anne would hear Sasha’s reasoning after she flat out tried to take away her frog family, by attempting to use the Calamity Box a bit ago in the episode. Marcy wanted to believe there was a happily ever after in seeing this world traveling idea as their only chance for salvation as friends for life, but it turned out to be something much more sinister, when learning of Andrias’ backstory and his true scumbag nature. All three of their motivations come clashing together, blinding them from a much bigger danger. Something that effectively puts everyone at stake.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale works so excellently, given it covers important dramatic elements it’s been stirring around since Season 1′s early rumblings. Amphibia is a story centered around people’s need for emotional connections. True Colors builds miraculously off what Reunion already did quite well in showing friendships can become rough and they are never easy to deal with. When you have to make a stand it can be a tough pill to swallow on the reality check of maybe this “good friend” of your’s isn’t as nice as you previously thought them to be. Anne having been hurt one too many times now by her former friend sends that message close to home, so much so even Sasha begins to question her morality as a human being. It poignantly encapsulates how this trio’s complex friendship is a serious growing issue needing to be reexamined, overall.

What if Anne’s right..? What if I am a horrible person...?

Something I absolutely love to pieces about True Colors, also a testament to Season 2′s darn good writing, is how much introspective we get from each character on what they’re feeling. We’ve seen plenty of Sasha’s vulnerability before in other episodes centered on her issues, but now we’re getting to the root of it. Sasha is really taking everything more to heart, little by little. Sasha’s understanding what kind of an effect she has on people, seeing the damage it has caused made evident by Percy and Braddock in Barrel’s Warhammer. Grime once told her, “Some dreams have a price and not everyone is willing to pay it.”, where she’s questioning that idealism every passing minute the invasion plan proceeds further into reaching success. Sasha isn’t sure what to do with herself anymore feeling aimless. Those previous episodes had a real impact on her priorities more than she cared to let on with Sasha’s typical tough girl act. This kid has let her guard down more, which scares and confuses Sasha. She’s always used to playing the role of protector it contradicts everything Sasha stands for when the roles are totally reversed because now Anne has made her feel the tremendous change in their growth as individuals.

Sasha’s lifestyle has been all about control that after somewhat learning to be more considerate to Anne & Marcy’s feelings she feels beyond conflicted about what truly matters to her. The most screwed up part of it all is Sasha didn’t want to fight anymore, taking up a pacifist approach after seeing what King Andrias had been hiding from everyone. It’s a fitting punishment for Sasha to try bringing Anne over to work together once more, but getting her pleas for companionship outright ignored. Anne was correct that Sasha had wasted all the chances to be reasonable. Boonchuy tried to hear out Sasha before at The Third Temple. One wanted to start things over again to iron out their serious issues, but the other was driven by bitterness, while only remorseful to a degree at best, of seeing their once weak friend become so independent, mature, and stronger that it drove her up wall. Sasha wanted to take away that “problem” being the Plantars, since in her eyes they’re the source of Anne’s strength, driving a wedge further between the two girls in their heated Reunion 2.0 battle.

True Colors demonstrates the horrific price of no trust, communication, nor teamwork from the three main girls that Andrias smoothly took advantage of, as if they were fiddles. 

“That’s the thing about friends isn’t it? The more you love them, the more it hurts when they go.”

King Andrias is quite literally what I wanted Lunaris to be, where DuckTales’ Season 2 finale didn’t impress me on doing. He’s a serious big baddie to the main cast, who follows through on his threats of violence to demonstrate his wide array of arsenal and power. Andrias doesn’t just emotionally manipulate characters, like poor Marcy, but utterly crush them without an ounce of remorse for his actions. When he dropped Sprig out that window after Anne willingly let him have the Calamity Box back I thought they were legit gonna kill this boy off. The way Anne’s flashback montage of her good times with Sprig were eerily shot really didn’t help either on that note. Anne’s Calamity power finally activating is easily up there among stuff, like Dewey risking his life for Della’s disappearance in Last Crash, where the cinematography is shot and animated brilliantly. You feel Anne’s blind raging sadness in every hit she landed on those robots and Andrias. If anyone didn’t believe Sprig was like a little brother to Anne, then I dunno how anyone couldn’t view their bond anymore as such after this hugely defining scene. Anne went bloodthirsty when she believed Sprig to be dead further evidenced when she hugged him in relief afterwards exclaiming, “Sprig!? You’re alive!? Oh, thank goodness...”, which cuts deep so damn much.

Anne was ready to fight every one of Andrias’ troops in that castle to the death, if need be. Before Sprig came back from falling, thanks to Marcy’s quick acting, to comfort Anne, her only goal was to slaughter every opponent in that throne room, along with making Andrias pay dearly for even daring to lay a single finger on anyone of the Plantars. I’m not gonna lie, this pivotal power up reminded me so much Gohan turning Super Saiyan 2 after Cell curb stomped Android 16 into pieces with a smirk on his face. Anne Boonchuy’s maddening outburst is a classic testament to the idea of, “Piss off the nicest person and they’ll make it their mission to instill the biggest kind of fear/terror into you.”. showing this kid at her most vulnerable mental state, yet. Sprig & Anne’s cathartic embrace really messed me up in reinforcing just how these two respect, love, and would go above any of their limitations to help the other out. Sprig’s “death” scene was a masterful bait by the writers into making us think someone was gonna die and it was gonna be a poor kid, no less.  

However, it was actually all just a bait and switch for the real, “Oh, shit. They really just did that”, moment with Marcy unexpectedly getting run through with Andrias’ gigantic sword. In a last ditch effort, Marcy wanted to atone for what she had a hand in getting them all into. Marcy was ironclad determined in making her own stand for what was right trying to save the people she endangered. Akin to what Sasha did in Reunion for saving Anne’s life, Marcy does the exact same here. Although, unfortunately this time, no one is here to protect Marcy from escaping death, like Grime catching Sasha from plummeting at Toad Tower. Marcy couldn’t react in time because she was so focused on helping her dear friends out. She wanted to prove to herself at least one time, “I’ve screwed up so much stuff with my friends. Maybe, just maybe. If I get my friends back home, it’ll prove I’m not an entirely crappy person for setting these events into motion.”. Marcy’s own deep seeded remorse is what saved Anne & the Plantars, while being the cause of her own untimely demise at Andrias’ hands.

This scene is what no doubt encouraged the warning sign for younger viewers Disney decided to make for them. It’s impressive how far Matt and his crew are willing to go for intense dramatic content. Andrias trying to crush Polly with his fist after destroying Frobo with casual ease, dropping Sprig out of the window from up sky high, and stabbing Marcy with his powerful sword displays his cold blooded brutality. Doesn’t matter who you are. If you get in the way of Andrias’ plans for multiverse domination, then he’ll throw anyone into their own grave, be it man, woman, or child. That’s the mark of a truly terrifying antagonist.

Andrias didn’t care who had to be hurt or manipulated to get back the box, so he could invade other worlds with Earth being his next prime target for invasion. Marcy’s fate is a horrifyingly poetic statement, since Sasha stated to Anne in a flashback from Marcy At The Gates, “One of these days, she’s gonna get herself killed.”, with True Colors tying back to this line in a disturbing manner. Something that sends chills down my spine is we get to see the full extent of how far Andrias shoved the sword through her body. We don’t just see the entry point of where it hit her, but it even zooms out to show the whole thing. Real talk, I got serious Avatar The Last Airbender vibes from this scene. Reminded me so much of Aang getting suddenly zapped with lightning by Azula when he tried to enter the Avatar state. Marcy didn’t want to be alone so badly she ended up inevitably dying alone trying to send Anne back home to their reality. One Hell of a way to close off Marcy’s last moments in Season 2, until her inevitable resurrection happens in Season 3 now that King Andrias has her in a tube tank that looks tied to his master.

True Colors ends on a deeply bittersweet cliffhanger leaving the fates of Sasha & Grime totally unknown if they’ll get away by the skin of their teeth, or get captured by Andrias’ soldiers and robots. Anne finally returned home with the Plantars, but at a deadly cost of leaving her other close friends behind in Amphibia. After all the isolation, heartbreak, and endurance she went through with her frog family Anne finds herself at a total loss for words. Once again, Anne is in a state of solitude of not knowing if her friends are really okay or not, mirroring the start of Season 1 when she landed into Amphibia’s world. It’s safe to say to say that, “Finally me and it’s no big deal.”, lyrics have aged terribly for Anne’s realization of finding her own identity came at the expense of getting separated from friends she’s known since kindergarten. Definitely see Anne becoming a lot more protective of the Plantars now more than ever after watching Marcy drop to the ground from being stabbed in front of her eyes.

Amphibia’s Season 2 finale is exactly how you capitalize on a winning story telling formula of dramatic writing, lovable characters with layered depth, and increasing the stakes of your story in an organic manner. True Colors is a finale that should be talked about for a long time to come, as it not only showed how worth the wait it was, but reinforces why Amphibia is a truly great series. It’s unafraid to take its characters to dark places in a way that feels totally earned.

Amphibia Season 2 is everything a sequel to a first film should be.

[kyotakumrau]

A thread with the 1st slot report from azifxxx, Zepp Tokyo with Kyo and Shinya

F: Hello everyone at Zepp Tokyo! I'm DIR's manager Fujieda.

T: I'm manager Takabayashi.

F: today in Tokyo it's the last day (...) now I'd like to invite two band members to start the talk event! Give them applause!

Shinya arrives, then Kyo.

Kyo wore a black beret and big glasses, blackish grey jacket, some yellow badge on the left side? and grey denim. Shinya (Yamo-chan) wore all black, double jacket? it looked very soft. When entering the stage Kyo did 'Fujifuji pose' to F...

F: today Kyo and Shinya came to the event! How are you doing, the two of you?

S: I'm always fine. 24h a day. Just got bit foolish in Sendai due to snow...

K: yeah... I'm also good...

F: for both of you it's your second time, going straight to the point what's the most impactful/memorable thing in 2020 for you?

S: not COVID?

F: from the band's point of view it is.

S: it didn't feel like being in a band. There were no concerts at all.

F: for you, Kyo? (pretending to eat)

K: PS5.

S: I see.

K: I couldn't get it. That's all I can think about.

S: I want it too, but not that much... can you play Dead by Daylight on PS5? having ps4 edition?

K: you can.

S: then I want it. I also applied for it, but as I wasn't contacted I don't think I won.

F: there's nothing besides PS5?

K: the fan who said in the message they're getting it next day, they are probably playing right now..  I get angry again when I think about it. And not just a bit....(F: what would you do if after you got PS5?) Eh? I have to say it each time？💢 (makes dissatisfied sound and turns away, for a while stays silent) 

F passes them the merch items.

S&K: ... (silently checking the items)

When prompted to say something

S: mini water bottle.. is for when you go out for a bit...

K: is that a pig?

S: it's a bear

But it has 3 fingers? The hoofs? 

S: a bear isn't like that? 

K: but only 3 fingers?! 

K: you draw 3 or 4 fingers for a bear! A horse gets 2! is the claw here (between the fingers?)? the claws come out here (pointing back of the hand)? 

S: there are no fingers there (in the back of the hand) 

K: and it is listening standing in front of the speaker? Its ears will get bad! Listening to such loud sound in front of the speaker! you will go nuts! 

F: so Kyo, you were praising the choker a lot in Osaka. 

K: ... (looks at the choker) ...(starts to tie the choker)...(puts the choker in front of F) 

F: it can be tied up? Is that a good point? Ah, you mean that it can be displayed like this? It's a very popular item so everyone please get one! 

Today there are only two tables, on the right (kamite) sits Shinya with Takabayashi, on the left (shimote) Fujieda with Kyo 

F: any no-no topics for the questions? (S says nothing) I hope it’ going to be interesting... what kind of outfit are you wearing today? 

S: I’m wearing black... the hood is...(hesitates) like Penyu 

K: (smiling😊) 

S: I realized today that it’s like Penyu. Not because Kyo came today as well. 

K: suddenly getting closer, feels bad 

F: Kyo... today you’re also wearing a total outfit idea? 

K: you think there’s a theme? 

F: a bit... like in an older coffee shop.... cafe... like sitting in a coffee shop... 

K: it’s monochrome checkers! 

F who got told it's checkers went 'i see~'

K: what, so today's theme is let's have a smoke or let's go to a cafe?

The usual atmosphere... like Kyo who always corners F until he's lost what to say

Ta chooses a question: 'what's the memorable small (v-kei) venue for the band members?'

S: Area or Cyber recently got closed, right? I really don't remember... didn't we only play at Rock-may-kan? I think no small venues [we played at] are left in Kansai? only Cowboy or Muse Hall.

K: I guess only Rock-may-kan.

Ta: how about for Shibere Bajiru?

K: with going straight to Shibire (like paying too much attention?), is that a shoulder pad. No? I wanted to see~

F: Cyber, Area is a very sad news... K, you don't have any [venues]?

K: not really...

Ta: 'what's the book you've recently read or a movie you've seen?'

S: ehm... nothing much... I also don't really read manga. But I've seen Demon Slayer. I got into it after watching anime.

K: heh, about Demon Slayer, I ordered the comics to be delivered, but only volumes 4~8 came. Am I supposed to start from vol 4? Wouldn't it be horrible? don't wanna start there

K: there's this thing I have, only get into it after it stops being so popular. I also didn't watch yesterday.

F: what kind of books do you read?

K: I read various things ... but I'm really excited about the new story from the Innocent.

Ta: 'what's your kanji of the year?'

S: 心・kokoro from 心夜・Shinya

Ta: isn't that the same every year?

K: for me... nothing really.

Ta: what was it this year (officially)?

S: 密・mitsu・crowd/carefulness, right?

K: (still trying to think) ...nothing really.

F: 'if you were to play on a different position in a band?'

S: by elimination only the guitar is left.

K: not the vocals? You're going for the guitar??

S: I'm not going for the vocals...

K: but you sing in karaoke?

S: I can't sing...

K: there's emotional singing! You're often angry!

S: I haven't gotten angry in 10+ years

K: but you sing the chorus!

S: but there's only short phrase with the chorus...

K: but you're doing lotsa of choruses

S: well... I'm practicing...but vocals are the most impossible for me...

'If you done something else than vocals?'

K: Takumi's position is good, watching the band members from the side, if it's something else than vocals then from the side is good.

S: but you like bass? That's the only idea I have for you.

K: that's only when song writing though!?

S: but you've been playing everywhere, right?

K: where everywhere? I haven't!

S: you have that time... (=sukekiyo)

Ta: aren't we going fast today? 'is there any country you'd like to visit?'

S: if possible I don't want to go...

K: but you're always going somewhere alone. To play board games etc

S: it only happened because I was already going.

Ta: Kyo doesn't want to go like "I'm!Not!Going!"

K: I'm playing a bit online games (Fortnite), but I'm told I suck at it. When you suck at something it's usually better to quit, I'm told so, many times, why is this guy going that way or is he going to the enemy's site on purpose? I'm told things like that from 6:30 in the morning sometimes.

K: if I (my heart) get broken by that how should I continue living?

S: I'm being told 'how are you living?'. I'm using the pig character but it feels like I'm living like a pig. I can block out the talk, but I'd rather hear those terrible opinions.

K: but it's hard

S: it is really hard.

K: when I played with Fujieda it was going well! He told me, get down or make your nose bigger

S: it also went well when we played, don't go there, let's go there and so on.

K: but the fights take about 20 mins in DbD, right? I'm dead in Fortnite in about 10 seconds

Ta: 'what do you like about F?'

S: he's always full of energy and almost never gets sad

K: his nose? Doesn't it get bigger as you look at it?

F: is that a praise?

K: it's easy to breathe and the mask stays on. Hands down it's your nose.

F: 'what song would you like to listen to very loudly?'

S: I'm not good with loud sounds... I prefer to listen quietly.

F: what do you listen to nowadays?

S: our new song(s)

K: I also don't want to listen (loudly), not really...

F: how about a song to listen quietly?

K: nothing special

F: Fujifuji!x

K: (ignoring him) (removes invisible dust from his shoulder)

Ta: 'what would you ask Santa for?'

S: it would be PS5?

K: Me? After all of that, I don't need it anymore, don't come. How does he get inside? There is no chimney. Is he picking a lock? Is Santa like a cockroach? Pretending to be dead when they're not... but maybe Santa is fine with all of that.

K: in the past, when I was in elementary school I was happy when Santa came, but then at some point he stopped coming. Wasn't that a crime (Santa's visits)? and parents also don't know how he comes in, isn't that scary? And from that time he doest come. I don't want him to come anymore.

'What song do you want to play when you can do concerts again?'

S: And Zero. I saod that in Sendai as well, but if it's not mode of Arche we probably won't...

Kyo: I don't really have one..

F: Do you want to play new songs?

K: I haven't listen to it (them). Isn't it how it is that you listen to them even when you weren't planning to? you dot feel like listening so much to the song you made yourself, no?

S: I also haven't listened to the new song(s) much.

Ta: Fujieda is listening to new songs a lot, in a car.

K: isn't that a bit narcissistic?

F: you don't want to perform new songs?

S: I already did while filming the music videos... doesn't that count?

'what time you go to bed and wake up?'

S: I go to bed at 6 and wake up at 1pm. It's my cycle.

K: I go to sleep at 1 and wake up around half nine. Should be around then? So there's someone who wants to know information like this?

F: they want to imagine (their lives)

K: and for what? Even if they know the time they don't know what we do

K: what time you wake up and then what time do you make coffee, make a toast, I don't understand why asking that, what's the point?

F: Shinya, is there something you'd like to know about Kyo?

S: I want to know everything.

K: I hate it that this person is called a doctor.

F: when the band has just started you two have met as first, right? What was your impression then?

S: I thought he's a really good person.

K: ...Oh?

F: And did you hit it off/became friends?

K: he didn't speak like this then. He spoke one or two things a day. He had long black hair and earrings.

S: You've bleached that black hair for me.

K: and, he said 'thank you' but... he said his kanji of the year is 心・heart, but he's the one without one. For over 20 years all band members are saying that he's like a robot or humanoid. When you go to his house he will reply with 'what is it?' with the chain on the door.

S: this is because when a certain member came some things happened...

K: But when I came over I was nice! I want to  visit! Remodel stuff! (with enthusiasm)

S: remodeling... (like the certain member) there are issues like that and that's why you're banned...

'is it weird if your mother comes to the concerts?'

K: isn't it okay?

S: and brings dad...

K: I'd love to see mother headbanging. The deep one when you start from waist!

F: do your parents come to the shows?

S: mine often come.

F: your parents as well, Kyo?

K: sometimes.

F: is it something you welcome?

K: yeah.

And then F asked when they came last time but probably T said nlt to ask something like that

About the avatar Music Clip for the 12/31 stream.

S: the video looks like PS2 game..

K: like that from Virtua Fighter.

The last comments

Shinya: Thank you for today. I think we won't be able to meet for a while, but there will be the nye stream and also a knot calendars, I hope you will spend the next year using them. Let's meet again.

Kyo: We couldn't meet at all this year, but after this long time seeing everyone's faces I calm down. I think it's a good thing. Everyone knows through social media what others are doing, but it is important to meet in person. We will be looking into concert plans, hope you stay tuned and thank you.

[tinyjeanmarco]

grisha relationship hc’s!

note: hi, this might barely get any reads, but i really love grisha, okay? enter the dilfverse with me. this is set in modern day! it also turned out SUPER long, so please enjoy! ♡

grisha x gn!reader

warnings: none.

you met grisha on a dating site. yes, that’s right, you met him online.

he’s a hot doctor and he seemed like a very sweet man from what you read on his profile, so after matching with him, you began to chat.

you quickly found out that he had two sons, one that was in his twenties, and one that was seventeen. zeke and eren.

he was worried that would be an issue for you, as it was for people in the past. 

you quickly reassured him that you did not mind whatsoever.

when he took you out on dates, they would always be to some really fancy restaurants, because, as a doctor, he could afford it. he just loves treating you when he gets the chance.

he would never let you pay for dinner, he always would insist on being the one to cover the bill.

eventually, you two made it official and started going steady, much to his son eren’s displeasure.

you two had no idea what eren’s deal was with you. sure you were much younger than grisha, but that shouldn’t be a reason for eren to hate you.

you had met zeke a few times before, and he was pretty chill with you, he understood that you and his father really liked each other, so he made an effort to get to know you.

but no one had any idea what eren’s deal was. 

grisha speculated that perhaps it was that he wasn’t ready to move on from his mom after she passed.

you had actually witnessed many occasions where eren would argue with his dad about how he didn’t like you and didn’t think it was a good idea to start dating you.

it hurt your feelings, but you never really said anything because you knew it was hard on eren and you didn’t want to say anything to grisha to drive him and his son farther apart.

eventually, eren accepted the changes, and while he was still unhappy, he conveyed it quietly instead of bursting out angrily.

he would rarely talk to you, and this didn’t change once grisha asked you to move in.

most days where you were at the house, were pretty lonely, even with eren there. grisha would be at work, you would have a day off, and when eren got home from school, he would grab a snack and retreat to his room.

he didn’t say hi to you, just gave you a wave and dismissed your presence.

you decided it would be good to bring up to him one night when you two were settling down for bed. he was livid, wanting to go talk to eren right that moment, but you grabbed him by the arm, keeping him in the bed with you.

you explained how you didn’t want to upset the relationship between the two. grisha was honestly upset about the whole thing and just decided to apologize and hold you extra close that night.

promises he will sit down with eren that weekend and talk to him about it and try to get him to be nicer to you and accept you as his new parental figure, because he wants to spend his future with you.

that saturday, you wake up and eren greets you which is already weird. he tells you his dad is at work, so it’s just you two. you nod and head to make your morning coffee.

eren confronts you and asks if he can talk to you. when you agree, he tells you his issue the whole time. 

he thought his dad was trying to replace his mom with some new partner, he just thought it was too soon, but didn’t realize how selfish he was to everyone else involved.

he never took into account that his dad was ready to be happy again, and that he wouldn’t just forget his last partner.

you hug eren (which you have never done before) and he apologizes again, saying he wants to get to know you since you’ll be a big part of his life.

you decide to take him to the arcade that day, just the two of you, so you could spent quality time together.

grisha gets home before both of you, and is honestly super surprised, but very excited to see you two talking and laughing, getting along when you guys get home as well.

grisha suggests going out to dinner that night as a treat for both of you, and that way you can all three spend time together as a family.

eren readily agrees, and so do you. that night was a blast, filled with lighthearted laughter and full hearts.

enough of the backstory with how you and grisha got together!

grisha was super confident and flirty when you first started dating. he would be pulling out those compliments all the time, making you feel wonderful.

kissing grisha was one of the best pastimes. he was so good at kissing since he had a lot of experience. it comes with age.

he would cradle your face in his hands as he kisses you, being so gentle and making sure you felt loved.

whew, making out with this man? it would be steamy as all heck. he would love to have you perched on his lap when you two make out, his hands on your hips.

he likes to press kisses to your jaw in passing. kinda like a kiss on the cheek, but on the jaw.

this man knows what makes you tick and will do his best to make you weak in the knees.

he loves to have a hand on your waist or hip when you’re together.

he also loves to have a hand on your thigh, too. he especially does it when he’s driving. he’ll reach over and rest his hand on your thigh, rubbing circles in with his thumb.

i think instead of holding hands, he will prefer to have you around his arm. sure, he will still hold your hand, but he enjoys the feel of your hands/arms wrapped around his bicep.

he also loves carrying you or giving you piggyback rides.

he’s really good at cooking, but since he tends to be really busy with work, he doesn’t get around to doing it often.

when he does though? you’re in for a treat.

grisha really loves your cooking though and gets overjoyed when he comes home from work to see you made something for dinner.

ohhh grisha is the type who would be so into family movie nights or family game nights.

movie nights would be on fridays. they also typically included armin and mikasa, eren’s best friends, because they would spend the night.

game nights would be on sunday because grisha wants to invite zeke as well to join them in their game adventures.

grisha’s favorite moments are some of the ones where it’s only you two at the house, because you can both lounge around in your underwear and spend the day cuddling.

it doesn’t happen often with him being a doctor and all along with eren usually being home with friends over.

whenever eren is over at armin’s house or mikasa’s house for the weekend though? saturday mornings are spent making breakfast in very few clothes.

cuddles with grisha are the best, because he’ll just have you tucked under his arm with your arms around his middle.

he loves to press kisses to the top of your head when you’re cuddling as well.

when he’s feeling really stressed, he likes to eat sweet things, so you tend to bake him cookies.

he also likes when you hold him close and run your fingers through his hair when he’s stressed. it relaxes him and helps him fall asleep when he is unable to.

grisha’s favorite position to sleep in is with you snuggled into his side, head on his chest.

grisha definitely is one of those guys who would sleep in the nude. he’s just comfy with his body and sees no importance to put on clothes to just sleep.

if you’re not comfortable with that though, he respects you and will put on clothes. i definitely think it takes a while for him to warm up to that point anyways.

overall, grisha is totally a family man, he loves you so much, and he really loves his family.

he wants you to become part of it and enjoy his children. 

oh my god, i see him as a grill dad. he will so grill for your little family whenever he gets the opportunity to. it’s just so fun for him.

makes dad jokes all the time, they’re pretty awful and make you question why you love him.

when you express that to him, he pouts and pretends to cry until you kiss him.

AHH grisha would love to impromptu slow dance with you in the kitchen or living room when you guys have music playing.

he would have a collection of records and a nice vintage record player, so you guys would almost always have some tunes playing in your house.

eren would walk in on you guys dancing, maybe sharing slow kisses, and he would pretend to throw up before grabbing a can of pop and slipping back into his room. 

teenagers, amirite?

grisha is such a good boyfriend and would be an even better husband! (i will make separate headcanons in the future for being married to him!) grisha will give his entire heart to you, so treat him with much love, please. ♡

[lizzy-frizzle]

I’m going to start this by saying, I have bias. Everyone does. I do not intend for this to come off as “the thing you like is bad”, but moreso “the corporation that controls the thing you like is manipulative”.

My background; I am a 26 year old trans mom, I have a history with addiction, particularly gambling, and spend most of my time playing video games. I have gone to college for about 3 years for my psychology degree, and while I do not have my degree, I have been studying psychology for roughly 12 years. This is to say, my views will reflect this background. Just because I present this information like I do, does not inherently mean I’m right, though it also doesn’t mean I’m wrong. Try to view things with a critical mind, and know that most topics have nuance.

Ok, so lootboxes, booster packs, gacha games, all of these are gambling. This is not really an argument. You are putting money into a service of sorts, and receiving a randomized result. Be that a fancy new gun, that same boring legendary you have 5 of, or that final hero you’ve been trying to collect. You don’t know the outcome before you give your money. As defined by the merriam-webster dictionary: “Gambling; the practice of risking money or other stakes in a game or bet”

You are risking your money in not getting an item you want. There are ways this is handled acceptably, and ways this is handled poorly. Gambling is also illegal to people under 21 in a lot of places, but places online aren’t quick to tell you why. I don’t have any sources because every source requires a paywall to get any information, but pulling from my own personal experience and what I learned in college, it’s because children are very impressionable. I say “I like pokemon” and suddenly my 2-year old can’t go anywhere without her pikachu. I remember distinctly playing poker with my mom and her friends when I was 12. When you normalize gambling, what it does is lower the risk aversion of gambling. You are less likely to see a threat in playing that card game, because when you are that young you have no concept of money. You don’t know what a dollar is, so why not throw it away so you can have fun. This is...I hesitate to call it fine, but it’s mostly harmless. The issue is with children and their lack of knowledge of money. When I grew up and got a job, it’s a lot harder to tell my brain, “hey, don’t spend that money, you won’t get it back and you won’t get what you want.” Because my brain just acknowledges the potential for what I want. I want to buy the booster pack so I can have the potential to get that masterpiece misty rainforest. I want to buy that diamond pack so I have the chance to get the cute hero. I want to buy that lootbox so I can get the battle rifle that does a cool effect. These are harmless concepts, but very dangerous.

Make no mistake, companies know how psychology works, and will use it to their advantage. MatPat from game theory states that companies have even go so far as to have systems in place that change the odds as you’re losing, and monitor your skill level to put you up against harder opponents, to see the better weapons and go, “Oh I want that!” and entice you to buy more lootboxes. As it turns out I found an article covering what he was talking about, Activision had actually acquired a patent to arrange matchmaking to do just that [x], and the article says it’s not in place, but my trust in companies is not high enough to actually believe them.(honestly, matpat made a 2-part video series about lootboxes, and I’d recommend watching them)

So, companies are trying to manipulate you to buy more gambling products. There’s proof of it. It’s also more blatantly obvious in games like Magic the Gathering, where they release fancier versions of cards at rarer probabilities. To better explain it, from a collector’s standpoint, you want the fancy card cause it has value, it has value because it’s rare, rarer than the other versions, so if you’re on the lower end of the income ladder you buy a pack, or two. After all, you could get lucky and get it. On the higher end of the income ladder, you buy the card outright and hoard it. Maybe sell it off later if you notice the price goes down. From a player perspective, you see a card is being used by tournament players, you want to win more games, so you want those cards, which encourages you to buy products and try to get those cards. That’s predatory behavior. It’s predatory from the company’s perspective because that poor person might not be able to afford the card outright, but $5-$10 isn’t much, plus they always entice you with that Chance. They also further this desire for the cards by making it limited runs, such as the secret lair packs, if there’s a low amount purchased and it’s made to order, or worse, if they limit the order capabilities themselves, that drives up the value, and provides further incentive to buy the cards and packs. This not only creates an impossible barrier between the poor and the rich, but also heavily encourages people buy their gambling pack than people would have in other conditions.

For the record, I love magic the gathering, I’m not saying the game itself is bad, this is just a VERY predatory marketing tactic.

Let’s switch gears. Gacha games. I play AFKArena, because like I said, I have a gambling addiction and cannot stop myself. In AFKArena, you collect heroes, and battle with them in various ways. If you collect more of similar heroes you can rank them up. If I’m to believe what I’ve heard, it sounds like this is pretty common for gacha games. So what makes it bad. In AFKArena you use diamonds to summon heroes, now, you can acquire diamonds by beating specific story chapters, logging in every day, random limited time events, or paying for them with real money. AFKArena hero drops don’t seem that bad compared to the free diamond amount they dish out, which has resulted in me not spending all that much money on it, all things considered ($20 over 2 years). I believe that for a mobile game like this, that’s fair. I get way more enjoyment out of the game than I do most $60 games, so it balances out. However, this isn’t the case for every gacha game, and my trust in companies, as previously stated, is very low. The issue lies in them making the rates for good heroes so low that you HAVE to spend money on the game to really get over a roadblock of sorts. I do think that there is this issue in my game and I just didn’t notice it, someone with a lower tolerance or patience might absolutely have the incentive to drop hundreds of dollars on the game over a month. There are people of all different flavours, and it’s important to keep that in mind when discussing these topics, just because a marketing technique doesn’t work on you, does not mean it doesn’t work on anyone. After all, they have those $100 packs for a reason, you might not be that reason but someone is. That’s predatory.

I feel like I’ve gotten off track, let’s get back on the rails. Where was...gambling...predatory…ah, kids. So my biggest issue, is that Magic the Gathering is marketed towards 13 year olds. Not directly, but the packs say 13+. AFKArena and any mobile game for that matter, can be downloaded by anyone with a phone for free, with minimal mention that there’s microtransactions. AAA title games like Destiny 2, Overwatch, Fortnite, etc. are probably the worst offenders. A kid spent $16,000 of his parents money on fortnite in-game purchases, and that’s not the only time this has happened [x] [x] . More often than not, what happens is, the kid wants to play a video game, like halo on xbox, or destiny, or something, they ask their mom for their credit card, and the system saves it. I mentioned before that kids do not have a concept of money or its value, so giving kids unlimited access to the credit card is going to result in this kind of thing happening. I’m not blaming the parents for not being hypervigilant, sometimes you are really busy, or disabled, or whatever the reason, and you don’t notice the system just saved your card. I’m not blaming the kids cause their brains are literally underdeveloped. I blame the corporations, because they make the process as easy as possible to prey on kids and people with gambling addictions. (as a personal anecdote, I found that if I want a magic card in MtG:O, I’m way less likely to try and buy it if I have to get up and get my card, I’d recommend not saving your card if you suffer from gambling/addiction problems)

So after all of this evidence, how can anyone still view these things as anything but predatory? The answer is simple. You’re told they aren’t. Businesses spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on really good marketing, and public relations. I tried to google why gambling is illegal for people under 21, and got nothing, I got a couple forums asking the question, and a couple religious sites saying it’ll make them degenerates. I try looking up sources to prove the psychology behind these concepts, but they are locked behind paywall after paywall after paywall. Businesses and capitalism has made it so incredibly hard to discover the truth and get information you need, and it’s on purpose. They want you to trust that that booster pack is a good idea. They want you to spend money on lootboxes (look at all the youtubers that shill out for raid shadow legends, or other gambling games to their super young fanbase [x]). They want you to lower your guard and go, “well, it’s a video game, how can it be predatory?” “it’s a card game with cute creatures on it, surely it’s not that bad”

But it is. So why did I make this post? I dunno, my brain really latched onto the topic, I see so many people enjoying gacha games, but I’m worried that it’s going to ruin lives...I just want everyone to be informed and critical of what is going on.

[hueswrites]

hq kinktober [day2] hanamaki & matsukawa

main hq kinktober masterlist

hq kinktober [day2] hanamaki takahiro & matsukawa isseis - double penetration

includes:

simultaneous vaginal & anal sex, all consenting, established relationship, alcohol use

wordcount:

4,136

~~~

You lay in bed with your boyfriend, basking in a blissful post-sex haze while you let your eyes rest. The "ding" of a text coming through Takahiro's phone grabs your attention.

"I'm getting drinks with Issei," he says, rolling out of bed.

You glance at the time. "It's two in the afternoon," you state, giving him a disapproving glare.

"And?" He says, going to the bathroom to take a piss with the door wide open.

"I really wish you would find a job. Is Issei off today or something?"

"Nah. He had a shitty day and his dad let him leave early, so I'm going to keep him company."

You roll your eyes. "Must be nice working for daddy. Why don't you see if you can get a job with him?"

"He actually did say they need someone in the crematory, but I'm not burning up dead people for a living. Besides," he turns to look at you and winks. "You know you love having me here to cook, clean, and fuck you senseless at all hours of the day."

You roll your eyes. He had a point.

~~~

Takahiro finds Issei at the bar, halfway through his second beer and looking absolutely miserable. They greet each other with a nod and Takahiro takes the seat next to him. The bartender is is already cracking a bottle open of Takahiro's usual order, which happens to be the same exact beer Issei preferred to drink. He takes a good, lengthy sip then sets the frosty bottle down with an audible sigh of delight. He looks over at Issei. "Wanna talk about it?"

Issei groans. "No. I just wanna drink." He takes a sip of his beer.

Takahiro unzips his jacket and saunters it off his shoulders, then places it onto the empty stool beside him. He looks up at the top shelf of liquors behind the bar and racks through his brain for something to talk about that would help get his friend out of his slump. "Oikawa's visiting next week. Have you talked to him? You know that'll be a good time. Always is."

Issei only sighs in response. Well, shit. He was really down in the dumps. "I need to get laid, Makki," he grumbles.

Takahiro raises his eyebrows. "What happened with that one foreign chick? Thought you and her had a good thing going on."

"She found someone else. Said she felt like she was fucking the grim reaper and thought I'd end up giving her a curse from one of the dead bodies in the funeral home," he drops his head down onto his forearms and hides his face. "Said she couldn't get the image of dead, shriveled dick out of her head when we hooked up."

Takahiro laughs. "That's fucking weird," he says. "You don't even see the bodies. You just sell the caskets and help families through their grieving."

"Yeah, I know," he groans out in frustration. "I have a decent job making decent money and even have my own place... I guess that's the limit on the amount of good things I'm allowed to have in this life."

Takahiro scoffs. "Don't say that. You're doing really good. Shit, look at me. I've been unemployed for three months now, freeloading off my girlfriend-"

"Your hot girlfriend,"

Takahiro ignores him, continuing, "I'm in a shit ton of debt, and I've now watched every single season of that stupid Korean drama my girlfriend insisted would inspire me to change my life Honestly, that shit made me feel worse."

Issei manages a laugh and lifts his head back up, dark wavy hair now a tousled mess over his forehead. "Yeah, dude. You sound like a bum. Why does she keep you around?"

"I cook and I clean. And," a smug smirk lifts the corners of his lips, "the sex is amazing."

Issei's head drops back down onto the bar top. "Fuck you," he mumbles into the sleeves of his shirt.

"You know, she is a model and a personal trainer. There's no way she doesn't have any single, cute girl friends that would be willing to hook up."

Issei sits back up and finishes his drink, the idea now seeming to lift his spirits. "If you could find someone that'd be interested in a gloomy, boring guy like me, then I'll pay your tab-"

Takahiro smiles and chugs the rest of his beer, then locks onto the bartender. "Another round on this guy's tab, please," he shouts.

Issei chuckles. "You better work some magic, asshole."

~~~

Takahiro returns home to your apartment to find you in the living room, drenched in sweat and in the middle of giving one of your online fitness classes. As you go through the motions of squats and burpees he takes a moment to admire the way your ass jiggles and resists the urge to give it a smack. You would kill him if you did such a thing in front of her clients, and probably withhold any sort of physical intimacy from him as punishment. It's amazing that you even have the energy to workout after your earlier exertion with him in bed.

He decides to make himself comfortable on at the kitchen counter and pulls out his phone, scrolling through your list of friends on Facebook. He didn't know half the people on your list, and he was pretty sure you didn't know them either. It made sense that a popular, attractive young woman such as yourself had so many connections. When the two of you started dating, you warned Takahiro about the amount of attention men (and women) gave you. It didn't bother Takahiro one bit. He loved knowing someone as attractive and talented as you was all his.

Issei may have had the career and the independence, but to Takahiro, you were all he needed. He loved to please you. The cooking and cleaning was no chore to him. You allowed him to stay at your apartment expecting nothing but his love and respect in return. And great sex. You were definitely just as kinky and open-minded as he is.

As his thoughts focused on you, he found himself remembering the early days of your relationship. He met you two years ago at a bar when Oikawa had been in town visiting for the holidays. Both he and Issei were instantly attracted to you. Oikawa noticed their attraction to you and was able to get your number in the blink of an eye. Imagine her disappointment when she learned that neither of the two numbers that texted her the next day belonged to that gorgeous brunette with big brown eyes and a voice as sweet as honey.

He and Issei made a game out of trying to woo you. In the end, you fell for Takahiro's boyish good looks and charming personality. Not that Issei wasn't charming or good looking - you just thought Takahiro had much more going for him, with his talk of wanting to be an entrepreneur and successful business man, while Issei went right into working for his parent's funeral home.

Oh, how the tables have turned.

It's then that an idea pops into Takahiro's head. He brings up his text conversation with Issei.

He sends a text: "Wanna have a threesome with me and ___?"

Issei responds almost instantly: "You serious?"

Takahiro chuckles to himself. He replies: "Let me ask her. I'll get back to you."

~~~

After your class is finished, you shower and get yourself ready for dinner. The news plays on the TV in the living room adjacent from your dining area, but you're not paying attention. You're trying to figure out why your boyfriend is so unusually quiet. He's been on his phone since the two of you sat down to eat, only taking a bite every couple of minutes.

"Hey, Hiro," you start, irritation laced through your voice. "What's wrong?"

"Issei is lonely," he says.

"That sucks," you say through a mouthful of rice.

"He needs to get laid."

You raise a brow. "Okay. How are you going to help him with that?"

"What do you think about letting him join in on our fun?"

You spit out your food.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

He smirks, eyes still on his phone. "Would you fuck him?"

"Takahiro. I'm not even gonna answer that question."

Takahiro hums. "His dick is bigger than mine, you know."

Your face flushes red. "Are you really being serious right now?"

"Yeah. You know he's always had the hots for you. Don't you find him attractive? You did back then, I know that's a fact."

You pause as if to consider. "He's cute. I never liked his hair though. He needs to cut it."

Takahiro snorts. "Babe. Think about it. You already know each other, and you said having a threesome is on your list of sexual fantasies you want to try."

"How do you know about my list?!"

Takahiro skims over your question and continues. "So is that a yes or a no?"

"But he's your best friend."

"Yeah, and that's why it'll be fun!"

You really did want to check off having a threesome from your list.

You let out a huff and frown. "Let me think about it."

Takahiro beams and starts tapping away on his phone. "Okay, so is Friday good with you?"

"Takahiro!" You shout, shooting him your best crazy eyes. You grit your teeth. "I have a class Friday night. Let's do it Saturday."

Takahiro to Issei: She’s in. You free Saturday night?

~~~

Saturday finally arrives, and you and Takahiro are both getting ready to leave your apartment for the night.

"I'm gonna need alcohol before we do this," you said as you rolled on deodorant.

Takahiro is in the bathroom, brushing his teeth. "Aww, you nervous, babe?" he garbled through his spit and toothpaste.

"Yes, Hiro. You're gonna be watching your best friend fuck me."

"Issei and I are cool like that. Always have been."

Silence follows, and Takahiro looks at you through the mirror. You've stopped packing your things and are sitting on your bed, gazing off into space. He frowns. "You know you don't have to do this if it's making you uncomfortable. I'm not gonna force you to do anything you're not sure you want to do."

You look up and glare back at him through the mirror. "I know that, idiot," and then you smile. "I'm just being a brat."

Takahiro rinses his mouth and gives his hair one last comb through before leaving the bathroom and walking over to you. He bends down to give you a kiss and ruffles your hair with his hand. "I love my little brat. Wouldn't have you any other way."

You reach up and cradle his face in your hands. "Love you too."

~~~

The three of you decided to have drinks at the bar in the hotel's lobby Issei had paid for your night together. You told Takahiro that you would feel more comfortable away from home, somewhere that you could let loose and not have to worry about cleaning up afterwards.

The conversation had mostly been the two of them reminiscing on their high school and college years, with you slurping your drink and giggling in between their exchanges. "You guys really chose to go to the same college so you could remain friends?"

Takahiro idly stirs his drink, keeping his eyes on you. Your cheeks are flushed red and your eyes are glossed over, an obvious sign that you were pretty buzzed. You seemed to be enjoying yourself, even offering little flirty comments Issei's way here and there. Takahiro thought it was adorable.

"Once Oikawa and Iwaizumi went away, everything got really boring. Making new friends is a pain," Issei explained. "I don't think other people would be able to handle our sense of humor. We like to make jabs at each other, and other people take things too seriously."

Takahiro hums in agreement. "I hate when people can't take a joke."

You finish your cocktail and the tiny little hiccup that escapes your lips has Takahiro looking at you with adoration. "I don't think many best friends would be down to fuck the other's girlfriend, either." You giggle.

Both men blushed at your blunt observation. Takahiro cleared his throat. "Uhh, you wanna get the check and skedaddle, Issei?"

Issei swallowed the rest of his drink and slammed the empty glass down onto the table. "You always read my mind, Makki."

~~~

The three of you are stripping yourselves naked as soon as you enter the hotel room. You were the first one on the bed, waiting rather impatiently for someone to start giving you attention. Takahiro was quick to climb after you, having discarded his clothes onto the floor. He placed kisses all over your face and your neck, sucking onto your breasts and pinching your hips. You squirmed underneath his touch, curling your toes in delight.

Issei goes to sit in the chair at the side of the room, and the sound of air leaving the cushion as he plops down causes you and Takahiro to stop what you're doing and look up at Issei. "What are you doing?" Takahiro asks, confused.

"M'gonna sit back and watch you two," Issei says. "Lemme see how amazing fire crotch over here really is."

"Watch it, dickhead. I'm no fire crotch. My hair's strawberry brown, idiot." Takahiro growls, returning his attention back to you. He towers over you, eyeing you hungrily. "You ready for this, baby?"

~~~

Takahiro's got two of his fingers deep inside your cunt, pumping into your sloppy, wet heat with determination to get you all warmed up for what's to come. You feel the mattress dip behind you and shiver as a second pair of hands lands on your body. Issei finally had enough as a bystander and was ready to join the action. He presses his lips to your back, between your shoulder blades, and massages his thumbs into your hips.

"Feeling good, baby?" Takahiro mumbles into your ear.

"Mmhm," you nod, both of your hands coming up to rest on his shoulders. Issei hums and slides his hands up to caress your breasts. You lean your head back against him and sigh.

"You're so soft," he says behind you, giving your nipples a squeeze. You moan.

"Tell Issei how you want to be touched," Takahiro says as he continues to work his fingers down between your legs.

"Just keep touching me like that," you breath, voice shaky.

Takahiro slides his fingers out from you and pulls back just a bit, looking at you with dark, heavy eyes. He takes in the sight of Issei's large hands enveloping your breasts, the way you pant softly through parted lips, and the rise and fall of your chest just under your collar bone. The sight makes him groan. He leans back against the headrest and strokes himself slowly.

You take one of your hands and place it over Issei's to pull it away from your breast and down to your stomach. He takes the hint and brings his fingers down further to start massaging your clit. You can feel his length pressing into the small of your back, slight moisture from the tip sticking to your skin. His fingers spread your lower lips and he smears your juices over your hole, teasing your entrance.

"Show me how good you suck Makki's dick," he mumbles against your neck.

You oblige and lean forward onto your hands, pressing one down into the mattress on each side of your boyfriend's legs.

Takahiro watches with anticipation as you lower yourself down to his hard, swollen cock. You pause to tuck your hair behind your ears and the simple action makes his heart flutter. He lets out a pleased groan as you wrap your lips around the tip.

Issei dips two of his fingers into your cunt and you moan around Takahiro's cock. He responds by placing a hand on your head, encouraging you to take him deeper.

You swirl your hips against the palm of Issei's hands like a feline swaying her tail. Takahiro's cock is deep into your mouth now, touching the back of your throat. You press your tongue against the sensitive underside as you suck your way back up, tracing the vein that protrudes through his thin skin.

Takahiro groans. "Fuck, yes," he sighs, tangling his fingers into your hair. "You are such a good girl."

Issei's roused by the sight of Takahiro melting into the bed, and suddenly feels like the luckiest guy in the world for having such a generous friend. He inserts a third finger.

You feel so full and so content. The surge of love you feel towards your boyfriend has you removing yourself from his dick to lean forward even more and plant a tender kiss to his lips. "This feels so good, Hiro," you tell him.

He grins. "I knew you'd like it, babe."

You raise yourself to stand upright on your knees and turn to meet Issei's lascivious gaze. "Let me suck you off," you say, wrapping your fingers around his wrist to stop his hand from working you any further.

"Please do," he says with a smirk. He shuffles back and collapses onto the bed, spreading his legs invitingly.

You lean down and press a kiss to Issei's stomach, then open your mouth wide to take him in. He is larger than Takahiro, so you have to widen your jaw more than what you're used to.

Takahiro watches, sliding his fingers through your hair. "You're so sexy, babe," he says, then sits up and grabs a bottle of lube from the nightstand. He figures now is the time to start working your little pucker open. He comes to kneel behind you and pours a generous amount of lube onto your ass and spreads it through your crack. He takes a slicked up finger and circles it around your tight little hole, easing the very tip in and out as he goes. "God, I love your ass," he says before giving it a light smack.

"Her mouth is something else, Makki." Issei sighs, rolling his head back to rest against the headboard. His hip stutter and buck up into your mouth, hitting the back of your throat by surprise. You grab onto his thighs and muffle a choke. "Shit, sorry," he says, but you're quick to take him back even deeper. The tickle of your nose against his stomach has him groaning loudly.

Takahiro licks his lips and slowly presses one finger into your tight hole. "Tell me if it hurts," he says, pushing his finger past his first knuckle. He pumps it slowly, feeling your muscles loosen ever so slightly. You tense when he inserts the second finger.

"Wait," you tell him, removing yourself from Issei's cock. Takahiro stops and rubs your back softly as the sting of the stretch fades away. "Okay, go ahead."

Issei inches himself back a bit to sit more upright and grabs his cock with his hand. "I'm good for now, darlin'. Just focus on feeling good." You give Issei an appreciative smile before rising up to wrap your arm around Takahiro's neck.

"More," you whisper, pushing your ass back into his hand. Takahiro inserts a third finger and you contract around him, causing a low rumble to send vibrations from his chest into your back.

Issei is back to stroking his cock as he watches Takahiro fuck his fingers into your ass. You play with your clit, the action making your legs shake. Takahiro takes his free hand and pushes yours aside, inserting his own finger into your cunt. "More," you whimper, grabbing onto his forearm. He inserts another finger, and picks up the pace.

"You feeling good, baby?" He asks you.

"So good," you whine.

Issei groans, stroking his cock faster.

Takahiro nuzzles your chin and gives you a kiss. "You wanna try riding Issei first?" he mumbles.

You nod. Takahiro removes both his hands from your body and sits back to catch his breath. You move to straddle Issei's waist and take his cock into your hand. He places both of his hands on your hips and gives you a devilish little smirk. "Ever think you'd fuck a cock bigger than his?"

You snort a laugh through your nose.

"Fuck off," Takahiro retorts from behind.

You lower yourself onto Issei's length, the stretch sending little shockwaves of pleasure through out your body. He squeezes your hips and encourages you to keep lowering your self, watching your expression the entire time.

"How's she feel?" Takahiro asks, keeping his eyes on your cunt as it swallows Issei's cock.

"Fucking amazing," he breathes, slowing rocking his hips up into you. "Not sure how long I can last."

Takahiro moves forward onto his knees. He leans over you and kisses your ear. "Think you can take two?" he says.

"Yes, please."

Issei slides down the headboard just a bit so you can hover further forward over his chest and raise your ass. You feel a wad of lube drop onto your asshole and slide down between your cheeks. Takahiro smears the liquid around inserts his finger into your hole again, just to be sure you're still ready. He removes his finger and then presses the head of his cock to your entrance. He pauses. "You good?"

"Yeah," you breathe.

He slides in slow. You have to place your hand back onto his thigh to tell him to stop while you ease into the feeling of being stretched and filled in both holes.

"Deep breaths, baby," Takahiro says, watching the muscles in your back twitch. You inhale deeply, then exhale and relax.

"Okay."

Takahiro starts to move, and Issei follows. You simply hold yourself still while both men work on finding a rhythm that lets them move together comfortably. One of your hands comes down to rest under your belly button, and you swear you feel the bulge of Issei's cock inside you.

You try taking your mind off the slight discomfort your body is feeling at such an unnatural stretch. The squelching between your legs, Issei's labored breathing as he tries so hard not to cum, the rumble of Takahiro's deep voice giving you all sorts of little praises - "good girl, you feel so good, you're doing so well, I love you so much," and your own voice getting louder as any discomfort you were feeling melts into pleasure.

"I need one of you to touch me," you say through shallow breaths, your body shaking, your hands grasping onto their arms.

"Issei," Takahiro says, quickening his pace. "Make my girlfriend cum."

Issei obliges and presses his thumb to your clit, rubbing quick, tight circles. Your body tightens up around them as you cum, moans sounding like cries as your mind struggles to handle the intensity of your orgasm,

"Oh, shit," Issei groans. "I'm gonna cum."

"Cum inside," you urge.

"You sure?"

You nod, and Issei increases his pace. He grips your hips tightly and groans as his load spills inside you.

You lean forward and give him a kiss, which he can hardly return in his current state.

Suddenly you're yanked back by your hair and pressed against Takahiro's chest, his arm snaking its way around your waist to hold you against him firmly. Issei's cock leaves your body, and Takahiro gives you one good thrust, cumming long and heavy into your ass. He lets out a string of curses into your hair, holding you tight.

His chest is heaving, having emptied every last drop.

Your head spins and your thighs are numb. "Hiro... I need to lay down," you say, tapping your hand against his arm.

"Mm," is all he can mumble before letting you go. You crawl forward and curl up onto your side next to Issei. Takahiro falls to your other side and sandwiches you in the middle.

"Fuck, that was amazing," Issei says, running a hand through his damp, curly locks of hair.

Takahiro groans in agreement, pressing his palm to his forehead, eyes closed.

The three of you lay there, catching your breath.

Takahiro rolls onto his side to face you. "What'd you think, babe?" he asks.

You hum blissfully, eyes closed. "I loved it. Let's do it again sometime."

Takahiro gives your ass a squeeze in appreciation, then reaches over to slap Issei's chest.

"Ow," Issei says, opening his eyes to see Takahiro's hand hovering above his face. He raises one of his own arms and curls his hand into a fist, smacking it against Takahiro's.

You laugh. "Did you guys just fist bump?"

"Sure did," Takahiro says, grinning proudly.

You roll your already aching body over onto your stomach and stuff your face into the pillow.

"Idiots."

[anonniemousefics]

All Kinds Of New Friends

Fandom: Six of Crows | Kaz + Inej (ft. all the other Crows)

Word Count: 4,700

Rating: Teen and Up

TW: contains mentions of sexual assault

Cross-posted to AO3

Synopsis: The gang has a run in with a couple of unscrupulous characters from Inej's past, and Kaz says a few things in the middle of a rage he wasn't supposed to say yet.

Author’s Note: This fic is dedicated to AO3 user puppy cat, who was such a supportive, lovely fan from the very first chapter of "My Dearest Inej" all the way to the end. They requested a fic based around a particular idea involving the gang at a restaurant and someone harassing Inej and Kaz losing his shit in a very specific way (being intentionally vague here to avoid too many spoilers lol). If you like this au, there's more of it in my recent fic "Samples". :)

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Nothing brought Kaz Brekker life quite like being paid to argue. And he was good at it, which was why he could charge these student athletes afraid of losing their scholarships two hundred bucks an essay without even flinching. If a more delightful way to make money existed, he had not found it yet.

He was spending his Saturday the way he usually spent Saturdays: rounding out a conclusion to a paper arguing for the death penalty, for a pre-law class he’d never take and a trust-fund upperclassman he’d hopefully never meet. In a few hours, he could drop the doc in a secure server and wait for the Venmo alert that he’d been paid. Nothing was sweeter.

Well. One thing was sweeter.

Inej was in the beat-up old recliner beside him in his and Jesper’s little living room of their third-floor off-campus apartment. This was the best way to spend a Saturday. She was sitting cross-legged and practically drowning in oversized sweats, her raven-black hair piled on top of her head while she hunched over her MacBook. And she was wearing those thick-rimmed, blue-blocker glasses Matthias Helvar had convinced her she needed (which, of course, had nothing to do with the fact that he was being paid to promote them on his stupid Instagram, that douchebag). Kaz had cringed both internally and externally when she’d told him she’d bought a pair, but now he was seeing the merit, because, dear God, was she adorable in glasses. They were awakening strange and powerful urges every time he glanced over at her. If she held them in between her teeth while undoing her hair, he was going to have to leave the room.

Because the terrible reality was that Inej had had a rough go of it her freshman year at Ketterdam University. And even though they were sort of together now (Kaz was pretty sure they were?), the last thing Inej needed right now was to be over-sexualized – for anything. Including those really fucking cute glasses.

“I’m starving,” Jesper declared from his prone position on the floor. He had been propped up on a bunch of faded pillows between them, engrossed in shooting undead things on their Xbox. His boyfriend Wylan had spent most of the afternoon napping against his shoulder, but was now blinking awake like a blue-eyed baby owl at Jesper’s sudden announcement.

“I could eat,” Wylan yawned with a lazy stretch.

“Inej? You?” Jesper reached up to tug on Inej’s sock.

“Hm?” Inej looked up from her laptop like she was emerging from a cave while she gnawed on one of the strings of her sweatshirt. It had been like this since The Incident – Jesper and Nina often took turns making sure she would eat. (Kaz had it covered, but that was all right. The back-up couldn’t hurt.)

“Food? Are you hungry?” Jesper repeated, the unspoken question floating in the air: Have you eaten today?

Inej blinked a few times as she thought, her dark eyes flitting back and forth between Jesper and her laptop screen. Kaz knew this internal war well – the age-old taking care of one’s needs versus the siren-song of wreaking endless revenge.

Inej had come to Ketterdam University on a gymnastics scholarship, but that had fallen by the wayside – ever since The Incident. The night everything changed.

Kaz didn’t know Inej Ghafa all that well before it happened – had taken a few classes with her, studied for an exam with her once. She’d been eternally sunshiney, the kind of girl he knew wouldn’t waste her time on dark things like him.

But then she’d started missing classes.

And then showing up to class visibly drowning beneath the weight of sleeplessness and oversized clothes.

And he didn’t really know her but it had bothered him all the same. It was like watching a star collapsing in on itself.

And that’s when the story of The Incident hit the news cycle. From the moment he read the first headline, Kaz couldn’t stop scrolling, growing sicker and sicker in the pit of his stomach.

She’d gone to a party at a frat house with a new friend. (Kaz had even been there before, maybe even the night it happened. Frat parties were veritable breeding grounds for potential clients – full of rich, connected kids too drunk or stoned to be bothered by classwork and crooked enough to pay someone else to do it.) It was suspected that someone had slipped something in her drink, and it was known that the friend who’d brought her there had been entirely useless. Inej had woken up the next morning, half-naked on the lawn, crude drawings in Sharpie all over her, and no knowledge of what had transpired that had left her there.

It should have ended there – that was bad enough. But then the frat boys had started posting the videos of what had happened that night. How she had been used. How she had been touched.

If Inej’s parents were going to have their way, someone was going to jail. If Kaz was going to have his way, someone was going to suffer all the way there.

After he’d learned the news, he’d found her the next day before class started, where she was at the back of the room, hunched over her desk with her hood up. She’d shot daggers at him with her eyes when he approached. He’d liked that.

“I’d like to help you ruin them,” he’d told her. Inej’s glare didn’t relent as she sized up him – his black attire, the leather gloves that clenched his gleaming cane. He usually made a point of looking like the sort of person who ruined things. Nobody bullied a boy with a cane if it looked like that same boy could take your head off with said cane.

Inej seemed to agree that he looked like he could fit the bill. And they began to plot – how to expose her abusers, how to alert every girl they ever came into contact with, how to ruin every single party they would ever throw.

And somewhere along the way, it had turned into…something. Kaz wasn’t sure what to call it. But he couldn’t call it nothing – not when Inej regularly stayed the night in their apartment and did soft things like run her hand over his chest if she liked the jacket he was wearing or blush and smile if she caught him looking at her. He’d even really gone out on a limb one night and told her he liked her, and she’d said it back. He wasn’t sure where that left them at this point. Somewhere, he guessed, with something.

“I’ll eat,” Inej was agreeing, albeit with a bit of reluctance to leave her laptop. She was elbows-deep in a catfishing scheme Kaz had concocted for their latest victim.

“Nina wants us to meet up with her and Matthias at The Sweet Shop,” Wylan said, who was catching up on the texts he’d missed while napping on Jesper.

“I swear, Nina could lure a polar bear into the jungle,” Jesper sighed next to him, because it was a little miraculous to think Matthias Helvar, fitspo Instagram model and purveyor of all things organic and natural, had somehow been corralled into a bakery cafe. Kaz was surprised that Matthias even looked at carbs, let alone consumed them.  

And, even though he was pressed for time on the illicit essay he was writing, Kaz needed food, too. He and Inej both could use the time away from their questionable dealings online.

The Sweet Shop was within walking distance, but it had begun to rain, cold and foggy, over Ketterdam. So, the four of them piled into Kaz’s beat up black Chevy and rolled into town behind the rhythmic beating of the windshield wipers.

“Over here!” Nina waved to them, beaded bracelets rattling in a stack on her wrist, from the far corner as the bakery’s front door swung closed behind them, tripping a jingling brass bell pinned to the doorframe.

The Sweet Shop was a popular spot for the more bookish crowds to crash on the weekends, load up on starchy foods and coffee while rattling out papers on their laptops or flirting under the guise of study groups. Kaz wouldn’t go so far as to call them his type of people, but he was certainly more at home here than the drunken soirees where he spent his evenings fleecing the debauched children of alumni. Here, there were people crowded over old tables with their books, and well-worn leather sofas and faded overstuffed chairs in the corner lined with secondhand books and used board games that were almost always missing pieces. The air smelled like espresso and cupcakes and old pages, and if Matthias Helvar was going to sulk about the lack of kale on the menu, Kaz might have to punch him in the face.

Matthias was already nursing a colorful smoothie while Nina sat next to him on the old leather sofa, her long, shapely legs draped over his and a stack of sugared waffles on the coffee table in front of her.

“Took you long enough!” Nina was scolding as the four of them weaved through tables to the corner of sofas and chairs. “Do none of you check your phones on weekends?”

“A technology fast is very cleansing for our auras,” Matthias countered, with a sage look – Matthias, the self-proclaimed Instagram influencer. Kaz rolled his eyes.

“That almost sounded like real words, Matthias – good job,” Jesper smirked, as he perched on the arm of the chair where Wylan had flopped down. Matthias opened his mouth to retort something, but --

“I was just distracted, sorry,” Inej intervened with an apology to Nina and a sheepish look. (She thankfully was no longer wearing her blue-blockers or it might have been too sweet even for a place called The Sweet Shop.)

“And I was just ignoring you,” Kaz said with a shrug. Inej gave him an exasperated whack in the arm as he sat next to her on an old loveseat, resting his cane against one side, and Nina let out a put-out huff.

“Wylan’s the only considerate one among you,” she complained.

“Yes, that is true,” Jesper agreed, and Wylan grinned widely with his chin propped up on his fist.

“We wanted you here because,” And Nina drew out the because like she had something grand to follow it, “Matthias landed a sweet sponsorship yesterday, and he wants to buy us all lunch!”

Kaz and Jesper groaned in unison, loud enough it couldn’t quite be drowned out by Inej and Wylan’s congratulations. Matthias got particularly insufferable after new sponsorships – there would be strings attached to this.

“That’s very nice of you, Matthias,” Inej said, pointedly, glaring at Kaz.

“It is very nice of you, Matthias, to offer to buy us all strawberry ice cream smoothies like yours,” Kaz said, with an evil glint in his eye as he nodded to the large pink cup in Matthias’ hand.

Matthias gave an uneasy laugh.

“There’s no ice cream in this,” he said, then paused when he noticed Nina’s tight-lipped, icy stare boring into Kaz’s skull. Then his brow cinched up and looked down at his cup. “There isn’t ice cream in this, right, babe?”

“It’s not going to kill you,” Nina replied with an eye roll.

“Babe! You know I can’t do dairy right now! Tomorrow’s Six-Pack Sunday!”

There was no point in trying to stop it: a laugh in the form of a long snort rolled out of Kaz while Jesper and Wylan dissolved into a fit of giggles. Now Kaz remembered -- this is why they kept Matthias around.

“You don’t understand,” Matthias was trying to say. “It can take a whole week to detox and lose the bloat.”

“I’ll finish it for you, you big baby,” said Nina, and snatched the smoothie away from a panicked Matthias.

“I should start running laps now,” he was fretting.

“Make some food runs for us – that’s a start,” Jesper supplied, looking helpful.

“Good call,” Matthias nodded, and hopped to his feet, nearly dumping Nina onto the floor in the process. “Orders? Orders?” He looked to each of them, ready to leap into action and start fighting off the bloat.

He’d gathered up their orders and made a beeline for the counter when Nina turned to Inej.

“You had me worried, you know.” Nina leaned out a little over her knees toward her roommate. “You were just distracted?”

Kaz glanced in Inej’s direction in time to see how she swallowed hard. She’d stuffed her hands deep in her hoodie pockets. Kaz knew the reaction all too well -- what it was like to withdraw and fight to make yourself untouchable, even to those who loved you.

“Just a lot of work lately,” Inej said. And Nina slid a suspicious glance toward Kaz, as if waiting for him to explain himself and what he was getting the two of them into now.

But it had always been Inej’s decision, how she wanted to handle her own revenge. Kaz was only providing tools. He hadn’t answered for her yet, and he wasn’t about to start now.

Nina sighed.

“I just don’t want to see anyone hurt anymore,” she said. The brass bell over the front door jingled again.

“That’s not--”

But Inej stopped short when she glanced toward the sound of the bell. She barely moved, but Kaz could sense her growing rigid next to him. And something about it made the hair on the back of his neck prickle.

He followed her gaze to two boys who were now slouching toward the front counter. Kaz had seen them both before; he was pretty sure he’d written a biology research paper for the one with the pug-nose. They were both tall and conventionally good-looking – the sort you probably didn’t think twice about. Well-muscled, expensive haircuts, brand name sneakers.

Beside him, Inej had started breathing weird.

“Fuck.” Nina had noticed her staring, too, and suddenly all pairs of eyes in the corner were watching the newcomers at the front of The Sweet Shop with murder in their hearts.

Because these two bastards had been there the night of The Incident.

Kaz found himself wondering which one he could make cry first. Probably the bulkier one -- he looked soft and dumb around the edges. His mom probably still did his laundry on the weekends and called his professors when he didn’t get good grades. Kaz wanted to see him cry until snot dribbled down his sweaty face and –

“We should go,” Inej said, abruptly. She was looking pale and shaky, and her eyes darted around as if she needed to gather belongings, even though she’d brought none. Kaz had started to grip the head of his cane, tighter, tighter, tighter.

“Fuck no.” Nina was adamant and fiery, bless her. “We got here first – they can leave.” And then a little louder. “They should be in jail, frankly!”

“Nina!” Inej hissed, and her hand flew to curl against the side of her face when the boys looked their direction. Her eyes were wide and terrified when she looked over to Kaz.

“I want to go,” she told him, and that was all she needed to say. He pushed his weight onto his cane, hoisting himself to his feet.

“Don’t worry, girl – we got you,” Jesper was confirming, and, without even needing to consult each other, he and Wylan and Nina had Inej surrounded from sight on their walk to the door, Kaz at the front.

And it almost worked, too.

“Brekker!” Until one of the boys recognized him and gave him with a jovial grin. Shit. “Hey, it’s Brekker!” The stupid kid with the pug nose gave Kaz a hearty slap on his shoulder, and it took every ounce of restraint in him to not break the dude’s wrist.

“This kid got me an B+ on my bio term paper,” the kid was telling his bulky friend, and then with a shady-ass side smirk, he added: “Wasn’t totally the A I’d paid for, but that was still awesome, bro.”

“With your GPA, an A would have been too suspicious.” Why was Kaz even defending himself to this turd? He made to shove past, to head for the door.

But that kid was still gripping his shoulder. Like he wanted Kaz to remove it from its socket. Like maybe he was just asking for it. Kaz ground his teeth, trying to maintain his resolve. He wasn’t going to do this in front of Inej. He was going to be better than this for her.

“Bro,” the human pile of excrement still touching him was saying, “I’ve been meaning to text you. I have this world religions class this semester that is just killer, and I--”

“Your next words had better be how you’re doing your own damn work from now on.”

A simple “No” would have sufficed, Kaz realized, but his girl was in some kind of state because of this waste of carbon and his patience had never been plentiful to begin with.

Besides, the kid didn’t strike him as the type who understood simple “No”s. He was going to have to make it really fucking clear for this idiot.

Sure enough, the kid blinked hard, like he’d been slapped.

“I paid you, bro,” he said, dumbly.

“Oh, he did not just--” Nina started from the back of their bunch.

“Call me ‘bro’ one more time,” Kaz dared him, his eyes narrowing.

“What the hell, man?” said the thoroughly confused bulky friend.

“Kaz, just leave it,” Inej said, softly, and she slipped her fingers into the crook of Kaz’s elbow. “Let’s just go.”

A wave of recognition spread over the pug-nosed douchebag’s face at the sight of her. It was sickening, the surprised rise of his eyebrows, the smug, amused smirk on his lips. Kaz wanted to rip them right off his face.

“Oh, I see how it is,” the dick was saying. “You’re with this bitch--”

That’s when Kaz felt something snap. Oh, he was dead now.

“Kaz!” Inej shouted a warning, but it was already too late. With the cane between his two gloved hands, Kaz rammed his weight into this dead man walking. He threw the kid against the front door, the brass bell jingling as the shades on the window rattled in the scuffle.

“That’s my girlfriend, dipshit,” Kaz snarled.

Kaz was vaguely aware that there was a rising commotion around him, a crescendo of clashing panic and rage. His hand had found its way to the dude’s collar, throttling him; Nina was shouting something at Matthias somewhere behind him; chairs were scuffling about against the floor. But Kaz’s sole focus now was on making this heinous little fucker wet his pants.

“Kaz. The door.” Jesper’s clear-headed voice cut through the blinding wrath, and Kaz was somehow thinking clearly enough to gather his meaning and wrenched the kid away from the front door just long enough for Jesper to shove an arm through and open it.

And Kaz threw the pug-nose brat out into the rain ahead of them. The kid hit the pavement, hard, and scrambled back.

“Dude, you’ve got it all wrong if you think she’s the victim here,” the useless piece of flesh was sniveling. His nose was bleeding – pathetic, Kaz had barely hit him.

“I really think I don’t,” Kaz disagreed, thoughtfully.

“We could have you arrested!” the bulky child was screeching. Kaz turned just in time to see Matthias literally chuck the kid out after them, red-face and snarling. And Kaz had to hand it to him – even with his dairy intolerance, Matthias Helvar could toss frat kids with the best of them.

“Oh, please file a police report about this,” Kaz sneered at them. The wind and the rain were beating back his dark hair and flapping the collar of his black jacket, but he didn’t care. “I would absolutely love to know how you plan on explaining why you called my girlfriend a bitch.”

“Man, it is not my fault your girl can’t handle her liquor.”

CRACK. Kaz barely had time to blink, and Matthias had straight up decked the kid right in his jaw. Nina was rolling up her sleeves, ready to destroy the other one in the pelting rain.

“Hey!” The teenager in a green apron who’d been running the cash register was running out after them, holding a phone over her head. “I’m gonna call the cops if you don’t clear out!”

And when Kaz looked back at Inej, there were tears welling in her eyes even though her jaw was set firm. From the looks on the faces of the rest of his friends, they’d all noticed, too.  

So, it fizzled out before it even really began.

The frat boys had slunk off in the rain, and the six of them regrouped and sauntered back to Kaz’s car in silence. Jesper, Nina, and Matthias piled into the back seat, while Inej and Wylan squeezed into the front. And then an uncomfortable stillness descended.

Inej had pulled her hood up again when Kaz turned the key in the ignition, her arms tight in her sleeves. Every once and awhile, she’d sniffle as quietly as she could as the car ride seemed to drag on – but Kaz knew. Everyone knew. That had been awful. And it still felt awful. Kaz’s head was starting to swirl, his wracked nerves still buzzing. He shouldn’t have done it. He hadn’t wanted to do it, not really. And she’d told him she wanted to leave – she’d said it clear as day. And he’d said…oh God, what had he said? What had he done?

Kaz’s stomach was starting to lurch. He’d said a lot of things. Way too many fucking things. Things they hadn’t discussed yet. Things he’d clearly just assumed. What had he done?

“We really should cleanse this negative energy.” Goddamn Matthias was the first one to break the pervasive silence, and he was choosing to break it with this nonsense. Kaz’s glare drifted to the rear view mirror. “I have some sound healing bowls back at my place that are--”

“I swear to God, Helvar,” Kaz snapped, “if you break out even one sound healing bowl, I will make you wear it like a helmet and then drop kick you into the sun.”

In the rear view mirror, Kaz could see Matthias’ nostrils flaring.

“You are such an unbalanced piece of shit sometimes, you know that--?” But Matthias stopped short because Inej had let out a surprising chuckle. Kaz slowly let himself glance her direction – so did everyone else.

She was smirking up at Kaz.

“I just think it’s thoughtful of you to make sure his head is protected before you launch him into space,” she shrugged. Wylan barked out a laugh.

“I just think they should kiss already,” Nina added, waggling an eyebrow at a brooding Matthias, and then Jesper started to laugh, too, which really was the most infectious of laughs. Even Kaz was smiling after a moment – just a little.

Though that faded entirely when they pulled up to Kaz and Jesper’s apartment and Inej asked to speak with him alone in the car first.  

Shit, he thought. Shit. Here it is. He’d royally fucked it up now.

They waited in silence with the rain pouring over the car while the rest of their friends darted into the old Victorian home where Kaz and Jesper lived on the third floor. With each passing second, his stomach sunk lower into his guts. He wasn’t even sure he could form words in his brain, let alone with his mouth. He had no rational explanation for what had come over him back at The Sweet Shop, other than Here it is, Inej, I’m kind of a fucking disaster.

“So, that was…” Inej started, slowly. She was staring out the front window. Kaz felt like crumpling, and he hated it, hated how weak he felt. He pinched the bridge of his nose.

“I know, I know…” he muttered. He didn’t really, but he just wanted this to be over. If she never wanted to see him again, he needed her to rip the bandaid off quick.

“So, I’m your girlfriend now?”

Kaz couldn’t decipher her tone, and he couldn’t even look at her. He was just going to stare at the steering wheel until this was over.

But then Inej said: “I just would like to have known before the guys my parents are having investigated, that’s all.”

Kaz looked to her then, lifting his dark eyebrows slightly. She’d let her hair down from its knot before they’d left for the café – she’d braided it loose over her shoulder like he liked. She was twirling the ends now, a tired smile on her pink lips.

“If you want,” he said with a soft shrug. It wasn’t at all like the heroic way he thought she deserved to be swept off her feet. But she was still smiling all the same. It made him feel braver.

Funny – how throwing his weight around against perverts was as easy as breathing, but looking at her like this tore him apart.

“If you’ll have me,” he offered, even softer now.

And Inej reached across the distance between them. Laced her fingers over his, atop his knee.

“I will have you, Kaz Brekker,” she said, tenderly. It took him aback a bit. Made his breath catch. Made his throat sting.

“If I shouldn’t have--” he started to say of the row back at The Sweet Shop. But Inej cut him off instantly, shaking her head. Squeezing his fingers.

“You absolutely should have,” she said, firmly.  “And you should show me how, too.”

Kaz really raised his eyebrows at that. Inej smiled a little wider. His heart was lifting, lifting up and out of the certain doom he was sure it was about to face.

“Come on.” Inej tugged at his hand. “We’d better head up before Matthias starts culture appropriating all over your apartment.”

“You have to admit – he threw one hell of a punch, though,” Kaz pointed out, as he opened his door, and then wanted to punch himself for it. What the hell – was he defending Matthias Helvar now? This whole day was upside down.

Thankfully, there was a different kind of embarrassing going down in apartment number three when they finally made their way up. Kaz could hear it before he even made it to the top of the stairs – the loud, thumping bass, the voices shouting at the tops of their lungs.

Oh, their neighbors were going to love this. They were just making all kinds of new friends today.

When Inej opened the door, all four of their friends were dancing to Cardi B’s I Like It, blasting through Jesper’s bluetooth speaker. It took everything in Kaz to not physically recoil at the assault on his senses.

“Emergency dance party!” Jesper explained, yelling from behind Wylan.

“We’re clearing out the negative energy!” Nina shouted over the noise, her hands in the air. Matthias was jumping around behind her like an absolute madman. “But like in an acceptable way!”

“I think it’s working!” Wylan shouted at her in agreement, with Jesper’s hands on his hips.

They were all smiling.

And beside him, Inej burst out laughing – a wild, fluttery sound he’d heard only a few times before. It caught him right in the heart each time he had, and he knew he’d do anything to hear it as often as he could. He looked down at her and wondered, not for the first time, how she did it. How she managed to wring joy out of even the most dismal of circumstances.

It was something he needed more of – as long as she’d allow him to have it.

“Come on!” she was shouting to him as she took him by the hand. “You heard the man! Emergency dance party!”

And Kaz followed her in, shutting the door behind him.

---------------------------

Tagging: @annejulianneh111, @loveyatopluto, @ireallyshouldsleeprn, @whosanxiety, @raging-bisexual-alert,

[spine-buster]

The President Wears Prada (William Nylander) | Chapter 28

A/N: Thanks for all the love this past week ❤️ It meant a lot to me.  Here’s 4600 words of subpar writing 😝 And FYI, we’re not getting too sad around here.  This is the only chapter they’ll be apart.  That means reunification next week!

April 12th, 2020

Aberdeen Bloom was with her family.  

It was Easter, and they were celebrating together, thankfully.  She was more grateful for it now more than ever, considering the state of the world.  She had stayed camped out at her apartment for the last two weeks with Kasha, who had come back from Evan’s place and was none the wiser about William being there for the fourteen days prior.  It made the most sense to Aberdeen because she still had to pay rent, and because she didn’t want to put Minerva through a stressful move again.  So, she stayed put.  Plus, now that she was living on her own, she’d know she’d go crazy if she lived with her family again.  Especially with Siena back from Ottawa because of classes in some weird state of limbo.  The sisters were thankful that Camden was independent enough to be able to learn on his own and not be constantly watched – and so was Orla.  She had enough to tackle, having her grade one class turned into online learning until further notice.  Everything was messy, and unprecedented, and weird, and not understandable, and weird, and chaotic, and confused.  

But Aberdeen had her family.  And Aberdeen had Willy.  

They’d kept their promise about calling each other every night.  Aberdeen would lay in bed and put in her headphones (so Kasha wouldn’t hear) and they’d FaceTime each other for a majority of the night, alone in their rooms, talking about anything and everything.  Sometimes they’d fall asleep talking, and their phones wouldn’t shut off, and Aberdeen would wake up an hour later and see the brightness of her phone screen still lit up, and she’d see William sleeping on the other end, his face so peaceful yet so burdened with responsibility of caring for his siblings while his parents and other siblings were eight hours and an entire continent and ocean away, and she wouldn’t have the heart to end the call.  

Things were fine in Tampa, from what he told her.  Jacquie had calmed down considerably.  Alex was…Alex – always trying to make jokes and make light of the situation.  They barely left their house, but because there were three of them there, it wasn’t too bad.  There were a lot of board games played, a lot of Netflix series watched.  From across the countries, Aberdeen and William were watching Tiger King together.  She didn’t think she’d watched anything as horrifyingly crazy.  William would crack jokes about her putting him in a meat grinder and feeding him to tigers.  She could only giggle.  

She knew that today the siblings were going to go for their first “outing”, just to get some sunshine, along the Courtney Campbell Bridge.  She hoped the weather would cooperate for them.  And once they were all home, and once Aberdeen was back at her place, the routine would begin, and she’d crawl into bed, and she’d FaceTime Willy to hear all about it.

Good Friday meant they had fish.  Easter Monday meant Orla’s roasted lamb and much of the same sides that were prepared on Christmas.  They’d still video chat with their grandparents, Camden would still play hockey in the driveway, and Aberdeen and Siena would go down into the basement and watch episodes of Brooklyn 9-9 or another show.  Routines, in a time of a global pandemic that brought so much uncertainty, were accepted with warmth.  Even for just a day, life was going to feel normal.  Orla and Mirza had even gone so far as to get their kids chocolate eggs.  It didn’t matter that the youngest didn’t believe in the Easter Bunny anymore or that the girls were in their early twenties – the gesture went farther than that.  They were all together again, even if it was just for the day.  

When Orla placed the roasted lamb at the centre of the table, asking Mirza for his plate first, Aberdeen took a giant whiff of the smell and immediately felt more relaxed.  She filled her plate with carrots and asparagus and Yorkshire pudding before her mom piled on the lamb and sauce.  

“So where’s our good friend William these days?” Orla asked as she finished serving everybody and sat down in her seat.  She immediately grabbed her knife and fork to dig in.  “He didn’t want to come for Easter?”

“I’m sure he wanted to come and have your lamb, darling,” Mirza said.

“He’s in Tampa,” Aberdeen answered, smiling slightly at her parents’ interaction.  “His brother and his sister went there at the start of lockdown, and so when he was good to go too, he went.”

“William quarantined for fourteen days too?” Mirza asked.  “Why?”

“He spoke to one of his Swedish friends on the Predators so he had to.  I bet the whole team did,” she explained.  

“Did you guys quarantine together?” Siena asked.

Aberdeen rolled her eyes.  “Hah.  Good one.”

“William has sisters?” Camden asked.

“He has three,” Aberdeen smiled.  “All of them are younger than him.”

“I can’t imagine three of you and Siena.”

Everybody at the table snorted.  “We can’t imagine three of you either, buddy,” Siena quipped back.

Camden smiled, then focused his attention back to Aberdeen.  “So what’s he doing in Tampa?”

“I don’t know.  Hanging out with his brother and sister.”

“Why don’t you call him and ask?”

“Camden,” Aberdeen said, “I can’t just call William Nylander and ask him what he’s doing so my little brother can know,” her tone made it seem like it was the most out-of-this-world idea.  But it was a total lie.  William would be at her beck and call – he always was.  If she called him right now, he’d answer.  If she called him and asked him what he was doing because Camden wanted to know, he’d answer her and tell Camden what he was doing.  He was just like that.

“I think the most important question we should be asking about William, considering the circumstances in our world right now, is whether or not he’s safe in Tampa,” Mirza interjected.  He stuffed a roasted potato into his mouth.  “Is he safe?”

Aberdeen nodded.  “He’s safe.  And he’s with his family, just like we are.”

***

Aberdeen could hear the video game sounds coming out of Camden’s Nintendo Switch as she lay in his bed, cuddled up to him while browsing through her phone.  It was later – later than she thought – but she wanted to stay at home for a little while longer, at least until Camden went to bed, because, well…it was a global pandemic and she wanted to see her family.  Her dad would drive her home eventually – she knew that.  But she wanted to spend some time with her younger brother, even if it was just cuddling with him while he played video games and she browsed Instagram.  Sometimes physical contact was the best contact; sometimes nothing needed to be said.  

“Hey Aberdeen?” he whispered.

Apparently something needed to be said.

She looked over at him and saw that he’d placed the Switch face-down on his chest.  He was looking up at her.  “Yeah bud?”

“Are you scared about the pandemic?”

Aberdeen softened immediately.  God, she wished he could stay this age forever.  She didn’t want him to grow up and turn into a moody teenager.  She wanted him like this forever: young and innocent and the little boy who cries over meeting Kyle Lowry.  “Of course I’m scared,” she admitted.  “Are you scared?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he nodded.  “Mom’s home so it’s okay but I’m scared about dad.  What if the virus is on one of the envelopes or packages he has to deliver?  Or, like, on a mailbox?”

Aberdeen cuddled closer to her brother, if only to provide physical assurance.  There were so many unknowns about the virus.  It didn’t help that there was wall-to-wall coverage of it on the TV all the time.  “I don’t think the virus works that way, Cam.  I think—”

“But did you see how fast it spread in New York City?  Mom and dad were watching the news one night and the number of people who have it is so high,” he was so concerned.  

“I think dad’s work put a lot of, like, safety rules in place so nobody will catch it,” she tried to calm his nerves.  “Dad wouldn’t be working if it wasn’t safe.  Look at my work.  They’re not letting me work because it’s not safe.”

Camden considered his sister’s words.  She could practically see the gears shifting in his mind.  “I guess so,” he acquiesced.  “But I still think about dad a lot when he’s working.  Mom’s even praying a lot more now.”

“I figured she would be,” Aberdeen nodded.  “Listen Cam, I’m scared about everything too, but the reason why I’m not worried about dad is because dad’s a really smart guy, and we’re a family that listens to doctors and public health experts who are trying to make everything better,” she explained.  

“And don’t forget the epado…epid…”

“Epidemiologists,” she smiled, saying the word for him.  “Them too.  I’m listening to them.”

“Mom thinks I won’t go back to school this year at all.  She told me I’m gonna help her teacher her first graders,” he giggled.  “Imagine that!  At least I don’t have to take EQAO this year.”

“Lucky you,” Aberdeen wiggled her eyebrows at him.  “Hey, if I order some masks, what designs do you want on them?”

“Raptors and Leafs, obviously,” he smiled.  “Do you even need to ask?”

“Well excuuuuuuse me—”

Their conversation was interrupted by Aberdeen’s phone ringing from its place on her chest.  When she flipped it over to see who would be calling her at this hour, she should have known better than to wonder.  It was William.  It would only be William.  But he was requesting to FaceTime her.  Just as she was about to reject the call, she heard Cam gasp.  “Is that William Nylander?  He’s calling you?!”

She gulped.  “Cam—”

“Answer it!  Answer it!”

She swiped her screen.  She prayed to every saint that he wasn’t already topless.  When he finally appeared on the screen, he was wearing an oversized t-shirt.  She’d have to pray the rosary tonight.  “Hi William,” she greeted formally – no “Hi baby” or “Heeeeeyyyyy” like she usually did, hoping he’d get the hint.  

“Hello…” he answered back awkwardly, not realizing immediately why she was being so formal.  When she tilted the camera and he saw Camden lying beside her smiling from ear-to-ear, waving frantically at him, he understood.  “Heeeyyy Camden,” he greeted, waving back.  

“Hi William!” Camden said.  “How are you?”

“I’m good, buddy, how are you?”

“I’m okay,” he shrugged.  “Aberdeen told me you’re in Tampa Bay with your brother and sisters.”

“I am,” William nodded, shooting the quickest of looks to Aberdeen.  “She texted me to let me know you guys were apparently missing me today at lunch.  I already know my lunch wasn’t as great as the one your mom made.”

Camden giggled slightly.  “It definitely wasn’t.  Mom made lamb today.  Hey William?”

“Yeah bud?”

“Aberdeen told me you have three younger sisters.  I have two older ones.  How do you do it?!”

William burst out laughing, as did Aberdeen.  “Ooooooh Camden.  If I knew, I’d tell you.”

***

“How are you, minskatt?” William asked as he watched Aberdeen get into her bed.  He’d called her again when he knew it was safe – when she was back at her apartment after her dad drove her home.  He hadn’t expected Camden to be on his earlier phone call, of course, but they’d spoken for about ten minutes until Camden was satisfied.

Aberdeen took a deep breath.  She was going for it.  “Jag mår bra hur mår du?” she replied in near-perfect Swedish.

She watched as William’s eyes bulged out dramatically and smiled mischievously.  “Minskatt?!” he gasped dramatically, even going so far as to sit up in bed.  She could only giggle.  “Minskatt where did that come from?  Are you…”

“Mhm,” she nodded before he could finish his thought.  “I ordered a bunch of Swedish language books and I’ve been learning since you left.  I wanted to surprise you.”

“Minskaaaaatt,” he repeated, except this time in a more playful accusatory tone.  “What have you taught yourself?”

“Just the most basic stuff,” she said.  “Hello, how are you, where is the washroom, that kind of stuff.  Verb conjugations are going to come later.  And…” she trailed off.

“And?”

She smiled again.  “Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker,” she whispered.  

It was the most amazing thing William had ever heard.  It didn’t matter that the pronunciation was a bit off – it was incredible.  Incredible.  So incredible that he couldn’t handle it.  He smiled from ear to ear and buried his face in his pillow as he giggled.  “Minskatt…you have no idea how beautiful that sounds,” he said.  “Like…you honestly have no idea.”

“Do you like the surprise?” she asked.

“I fucking love it,” he said.  “Minskatt, you’re too good to me.”

“I want to learn more.  I want…I want to like, become as fluent as I can so that I can speak to your family in Swedish.  You know, when we’re in Sweden.  Whenever that is.”

William’s heart practically burst in his chest.  If it was possible, he would have spontaneously self-combusted right then and there at her words and their sweetness.  “If I could take you to Sweden tomorrow, I would.  God minskatt, I miss you so much.  I’m dying over here.”

“Me too.”

“I want to touch you so bad,” he admitted.  “I was dreaming about it the other night but then I woke up, and I couldn’t fall back asleep again.”

Her heart fluttered.  She’d dreamt about the same thing too last night and woke up sweating.  She’d never been this sexually frustrated before, even in her single days.  To think of the time they spent together during quarantine, only to have him leave and be unable to do those same thing…it was a lot to miss.  A lot to look forward too, as well, once they reunited.  But for now, she could only miss it.  “How were you touching me?” she asked, biting her bottom lip.

She could see his Adam’s apple bob in his throat.  “You know how,” he whispered.

“Tell me,” she said, slipping her hand underneath the covers.  She snaked it down her body and underneath her pajama pants and underwear.  “Tell me how you were touching me.”

William watched as he watched her one arm move and her hand disappear.  He gulped at the sight of it.  “I was touching your pussy,” he huffed, slipping his own hand under the covers.  

“Was it wet for you?”

“Of course,” he said, grabbing hold of his cock, stroking it almost immediately.  “Is…is it wet right now?”

“Getting there,” she nodded.  

“Are you touching yourself?”

“Mhm,” she said, her eyes drooping slightly.  She waited a few moments as she continued to touch herself before she finally continued.  “Tell me how you were touching me.  What were you doing?”

“I was fingering you.  And my thumb was rubbing your clit…how you like it,” his voice was low.

“Mmmmm,” Aberdeen hummed, mimicking what he was saying and doing it to herself as best she could.  She’d done it for so long as a single woman that she’d practically mastered it, but ever since she’d been with William, he’d mastered it in the short amount of time too.  There was nothing he did that didn’t turn her on.  “I had your cock down my throat in my dream last night.”

“Oh fuck,” William huffed, not expecting that at all.  He thought, as always, this was gonna be about pleasuring her by some good old-fashioned phone sex.  He didn’t think she’d go so far as to include him too, considering how new the experience was.  But they were doing this.  “Was it deep in your throat?” he asked.

Aberdeen nodded.  “It hit the back.”

“Fuuuuuck Aberdeen,” he huffed.  He imagined the feeling and it sent shivers down his spine.  He got hard almost immediately at the thought as he kept stroking himself, but ever since he’d been with Aberdeen, his own hand didn’t fucking cut it anymore.  She gave him the best handjobs, the best blowjobs…everything she did was the best to him.  

“Remember when I sucked you off in the backseat of your car?” she asked, her voice sugary sweet.  William nodded his head quickly.  “Remember how you came in my mouth?  You tasted sooooo good, Willy.”

“Ab—Aberdeen—fuck, don’t—”

“I can’t wait to taste it again.”

William’s eyes rolled back.  “I can’t wait to taste your pussy again.”

“When you come back home, I want you to fuck me like you did during quarantine,” she continued.  “Fuck me hard how I like it, Willy.”

“Ab—are you—look at me when you cum, Aberdeen,” William demanded.  He could tell by just a quick look that she was almost there.  “Look at me when you cum.”

“Are you close?”

“Y—Yeah.”

“Cum with me, Willy.  Think of my tight pussy when you cum.”

She could see his face contort slightly as he closed his eyes.  She bit her bottom lip and tried to suppress a loud moan, writhing in her bed and squeezing her legs together as her orgasm took over her body.  She heard William moan too, low and guttural, and when she saw his chest heaving just as much as hers was, she knew he came too.  

As her breathing steadied out, Aberdeen couldn’t help but giggle slightly.  “I can’t believe we just did that,” she admitted.  “That was—”

“That was really hot,” William finished her sentence, albeit more bluntly than her tone.  “That was—we did that quick but God it was hot.”

“Yeah,” Aberdeen nodded.  “Nothing compares to the real thing though.”

“No, it doesn’t,” William agreed.  “The second I land in Toronto – finish quarantine – whatever, I’m taking you to my place and I’m fucking you senseless.”

Aberdeen couldn’t help but giggle and smirk at his words.  “Promise?”

“Promise.”

***

April 14th, 2020

“What did you and your brother do that day?” Aberdeen practically screamed into the phone as the video played on what seemed like an infinite loop on her laptop.  “Seriously.  What made you think to film that?”

“We practiced for a long time!”

“Oh yeah, I’m sure the Toosie Slide dance took a lot of practice.”

“It does!”

“Your poor sister.”

“She lived.”

Aberdeen snorted.  “And what are those shorts, William?!”

“Um, excuse me?  Are you making fun of my shorts?” he giggled.  “I thought you’d like them, seeing as they show off my thighs.  We both know how much you like my thighs…”

“Stop it.”

“No.”

***

April 20th, 2020

“Did you get some sun today?” Aberdeen asked sarcastically, seeing William on FaceTime looking redder than a tomato.  

“You’re funny.”

“Have you heard of sunscreen?”

“I wore sunscreen,” he grumbled.

“Sure you did.”

***

April 25th, 2020

“Have you been writing a lot, minskatt?” William asked as he watched Aberdeen concentrating on her screen, hearing her furious typing through the microphone.  They were on the type of call where the participants just went about their business, connected through the screen, watching the other do their work while also doing their own.  William was just being dumb and scrolling through golfing websites, but Aberdeen was actually being productive.

“Mhm,” she nodded.  “I just…well, you saw how much I wrote when we were together too.  In between the sex,” she chuckled slightly.  “But after you left, there was just this huge burst of inspiration and energy.”

“I think it was the sex,” William deadpanned, causing Aberdeen to laugh.  “The sex inspired you.”

“Well you definitely gave me the energy,” she smiled.  “Too bad what I’m writing isn’t a sex diary or something.”

“What are you writing, minskatt?” he asked, genuinely interested.

“Um…” Aberdeen began, trying to formulate what she was writing into words.  “It’s about a girl.  Well, a group of girls.”

“You mean like that TV show Girls?”

“Better,” Aberdeen huffed.  “Lena Dunham is awful.”

William smiled.  “So a group of girls?”

“A group of girls and their relationships with each other.  And the expectations they have for each other that sometimes may not work in their favour.”

“So is it semi-autobiographical?”

Aberdeen side-eyed him.  Everything in writing was at least somewhat autobiographical.  But he didn’t need to know that.  “Maybe.”

***

April 27th, 2020

“I miss you so much,” William mumbled, his voice sleepy.

“I miss you too,” Aberdeen said, equally as tired.  “I can’t wait for you to hold me.  I can’t wait to just cuddle.”

“Me too.”

***

April 30th, 2020

For the first time in weeks, Aberdeen wasn’t doomscrolling about COVID-19.  She was doomscrolling about William.  

It started innocently enough, by Aberdeen reminiscing on the first time he drove her home from the airport and he spoke about his contract negotiations and how they turned a lot of people sour on him.  She believed him right then and there, but she didn’t go looking.  Now, with nothing to do and a curious mind, she went looking.

And she hated what she found.

Entire articles, practically one written every week, about his trade value.  Those same articles devalkuing him as a player and downplaying his role on the team as a top-six forward.  Panels of analysts and experts demanding that the Leafs trade him.  Entire Twitter accounts dedicated to blasting every single little thing he did on the ice.  Men with nothing better to do than to obsess over him and call him every name in the book.  

And then there was the video from Tim & Sid, the popular sports radio duo in Toronto that Aberdeen listened to for fifteen minutes once, but couldn’t get past Sid Seixeiro’s dumbass opinions.  In the video she watched, he took a less than 10-second clip of something William had said in a post-game interview during a loss against the Panthers and asked, indignantly, “What the hell is wrong with him?”  He then proceeded to go on a five-minute rant about the entire locker room having an attitude problem, how Willy had an attitude problem, how he didn’t care about the team…and people believed it.  She knew it.  People gobbled it up.  It was their serotonin while they hated him and called him a pussy on the internet and threw glasses at him in bars while drunk.  She felt sick to her stomach that these people felt this way about him.  

She’d been crying for a while before she picked up her phone to call him.  Her hands were shaking as she dialled his number, waiting for him to answer.  “Hi minskatt,” he cooed after the fourth ring.

“Willy,” she greeted, her voice shaky.

The last time she’d called him in such a state, she was being followed from her apartment.  William’s mind immediately went into overdrive.  “Minskatt?  What’s wrong?”

“Willy you know I love you, right?”

He softened slightly.  “Of course I do.  Why would you—”

“—I love you every way you are—"

“—Aberdeen—”

“—And I know you’re a good person and I love you so much, more than anything—”

“—Aberdeen—Aberdeen—stop.  What is this about?”

She took a quick breath.  “What everyone says about you, Willy.  They’re horrible.  Horrible.  I was reading and I was watching these videos and they’re just awful to you and—”

“Aberdeen, I told you not to watch those videos,” he said.

“Willy, please,” she begged.  “How could they say those things about you and not even know you?  How can they still be so bitter after your contract negotiations?!”

“Aberdeen—”

“I love you, Willy.  I love you every way you are,” she repeated.  “I don’t care what anybody has to say about you.  I love you.  I love you.”

“I love you too, Aberdeen,” he said calmly but fiercely.  “Aberdeen, you can’t listen to them.  I learned how to tune them out a long time ago.  Even if I did…I don’t care what they say about me.  I know who I am, Aberdeen.  I know the truth, and they don’t.  And you do too.”

“I do, but I just…they’re so awful, Willy.  I don’t know how you can stand it.”

“Like I said…I know my truth.  My family knows.  And you do.  The most important people in my life know the truth and that’s all that matters.  I don’t give a fuck about what they think of me,” he said.  

Aberdeen stayed silent.  She knew she was overreacting, but damnit, she needed to overreact.  She’d been a part of the hockey world now for what felt like a century, and if what she had with William was going to last, it would be a major part of her life for years to come.  She needed to learn to roll with the punches.  But at the same time, she felt like if those punches were unjustified, then she was justified in being upset about them and wanting to speak out.  “I just love you so much,” she whispered, her voice much calmer now but still a bit shaky.  “God, I’m such a horrible girlfriend.  I’m calling you crying about the stupid Toronto media on the night before your birthday—”

“It’s okay, minskatt,” he interrupted.  “I would rather you call me then cry alone.  Besides, my birthday isn’t going to be special because you won’t be here.”

“Willy, don’t say that.”

“I mean it,” he replied.  “I wish I could spend it with you.  Fuck, I wish I could fly you down to Florida on a private fucking plane just so I could spend time with you.  I’d kill someone just to hold your hand right now.”

Her heart fluttered.  “I wish you’d come back to Toronto,” she whispered.  “When you get back, Willy…I’m gonna let you hold my hand so hard.”

They both snorted.  “I’ll be eagerly awaiting my gift, by the way,” he said, knowing that whatever she had in store for him for his birthday would be waiting for him when he got back to Toronto.  She made it that way – she promised, and he’d accepted.  He was dying in anticipation, but he’d accepted. 

“Want a little piece of it now?” she asked.

He smiled.  “You know I do.”

***

May 1st, 2020

Happy birthday I know you’re spending the day with your brother so it’s okay if you don’t text back I just want you to know how much I love you.  I’m sorry that I waited so long.  I’m sorry I denied it for so long.  You have been so good to me Willy.  I hope I’m half as good to you as you are to me.  I’ve never felt the love that you give me every single day from another person and I think that’s because the universe was saving it for ~you, for  ~you to show me, because I can’t picture it being from anyone else.  I love you so much and I miss you.  Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker.

i love u more than anything minskatt Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker Jag tänker på dig när jag inte ens tanker always i will always love u i wish u were here with me nothing is the same without u

nothing is the same without you either I love you so much Willy

i love u aberdeen

[m-y-fandoms]

Kazuichi Souda x abused reader one-shot

Request: Hi! Can I request a Kazuichi x abused!reader hurt/comfort fic with the reader written gender-neutral? Preferably with them friends at the beginning and then a love confession. I don't have any dealbreakers/things I don't want in there. Thanks!

Thanks for the submission! Kazuichi can be such a sweetheart when he wants to be….and the sharp teeth...purrr. Anyway, the reader’s gender is neutral, so anyone can read this one with themselves in mind! - Mod Kokichi

Triggers and Warnings: thoughts of suicide briefly mentioned, implied sexual and physical abuse, panic attacks, anxiety, sexual assault discussed. Major Spoilers for Danganronpa 2.

     Kazuichi Souda had always been a close friend of yours. You grew up in the same middle-class neighborhood, going to the same old boring elementary school, then middle school, and eventually you moved into public high school together. He was the closest thing you had to a brother, and you cared about him more than anyone you could think of. He sat with you on the bus, and as you both grew, you instead walked to and from school together. He was funny, dramatic, flirty, talented, and a compassionate friend. He was the only one in your life interested in your hobby of writing poetry, and while he didn’t really get all the figurative language and metaphors and whatnot, being a man who worked with his hands and not his mind, he supported you and read them all anyway. Kazuichi’s support, boosting your confidence, is what got you to start publishing your poems online regularly, and submitting them to small blogs and huge literary magazines alike. You started to gain a small income for your writing, and it was all because of his prescence and care. He was always hanging out with you in his garage or basement as you typed away on your laptop, and you loved being around him. Problems began as you grew closer, though. Problems for you, at least. Kazuichi, for all his great traits and talents, was not one to take hints, and the more you fell in love with your best friend, the worse your mental health got, knowing in the back of your mind that he’d never feel the same way. Of course, what was going on at home didn’t help the situation.

     It seemed that your luck was going to change, when one normal Tuesday, toward the end of sophomore year, you’d gotten word that Hope’s Peak Academy, the best high-school in the country, had a scout looking around your area, which was relatively close to the academy anyway. Within days, both you and Kazuichi had received letters stating that it would be an honor to have you next semester as the incoming Ultimate Poet and Ultimate Mechanic. Of course, you both lost your minds, talking on the phone all night until you abruptly hung up on him in the middle of your sentence. He never asked why, simply thinking your phone cut out, and that he’d see you tomorrow anyway. You came to school late the next day, around lunch time, new scratches under your eye and a bruise on your wrist. When he asked about it, you told him the reason the phone call ended so suddenly was because you’d tripped down your stairs, and the tumble messed up your phone pretty bad, but that you’d have it fixed by tonight! He nodded, accepting the answer and quickly switching to the excitement of starting at Hope’s Peak Academy.

     “They have dorms there for students to stay in, pretty sick, huh?” He tapped your lunch tray with his fork, encouraging you to eat before the bell rang and lunch was over. “Now I can sneak over to your room whenever!” He said a little too seductively, seeing your flustered look. “T-to hang out of course and knock out some noobs in PvP! I’ll bring all of my consoles, no doubt, and I can get back into teaching you how to take apart a car!” You smiled weakly before replying, looking at the food in front of you instead of into his eyes.

     “Yeah...about that. The dorms are optional, and my parents are forcing me to commute.” 

     “Wha?!?!?” Souda’s mouth hung open in one of his usual over-dramatic displays. “No fair! That’s ass! Why the hell not? I bet you’ll be the only student not living on campus!” Way to make them feel better, Souda.

     “Kazuichi, they just don’t feel comfortable with me living away from home before I’m completely self-sufficient and of legal age. Just…let it go, please,” your voice faded out toward the end, and seeing how serious you were, he let it go, content to pout about it later to himself or try to convince you to try and change your parents’ minds later in the week.

     “Can I at least pick you up every morning to bring you on your dumb ass commute to school?” Souda grinned widely after presenting his question. You compromised, letting him have this small victory.

     “Sure, Kazu.”

     But, nothing changed, it seemed, and the new semester quickly came, with you attending Hope’s Peak Academy with the love of your life...er best friend, Kazuichi Souda. He was in almost all of your classes, refusing to pay attention and flirting with random people, a new crush to obsess over each week. Same old Kazuichi, chasing after the object of his interests endlessly, but it never bothered you much. You knew they were always quick infatuations, with him coming on too strongly, getting rejected, and ultimately spending his whole day with you regardless, complaining to you about his rejection, or dishing info of his new crush. You visited his dorm room, with all of the same excuses for not wanting to sit on his bed to play video games, not wanting to stay too late, not explaining in detail where these bruises where coming from.

     Kazuichi, again, wasn’t the most observant guy around. You’d known him since you were both six years old, and he still didn’t know why you’d come to school with puffy red bags under your eyes, why you’d cry at lunch in the bathroom, why you wouldn’t let him high five you or touch shoulders with him on the bus, even though the small seat was a tight squeeze. He always took your excuses at face value, and trusted you, his best bud. It usually went something like this:

Elementary School:

     “Y/N...w-why are you crying?”

     “My pet fish died last night. I really loved him, Kazu…” you sniffled, pulling yourself together.

Middle School:

     “Y/N, where did that bruise come from? Man, that’s a really dark one this time!” He would try to grab your arm and take a closer look, and you’d shrink away.

     “P-please don’t touch it! It’s awfully sore! I fell off my bed this morning, it was a pretty rough fall!” You’d chuckle.

Hope’s Peak Academy:

     “Hey, Y/N, let’s hang out at your place after school, yeah? My dorm room is really dirty and I think there’s a random fire drill today. Such a hassle.” He smirked wickedly, thinking himself so clever.

     “Kazuichi, you’ve known me for like ten years…”

     “Yeah…?” he mused.

     “And you know my parents don’t let me have friends over. Why did you think this would work now, today, all of a sudden?” you feigned anger, huffing before smiling at him.

     “Awww come on, just this once?” He crept up behind you to pounce playfully on your shoulders, and you glided to the side quickly, your back hitting the lockers a little too roughly. Your breath quickened, and he looked at you with wide eyes. “Y/N...geez, are you okay? I wasn’t gonna like take you down in a full- on tackle you know? Just shake you a bit!” He chuckled awkwardly, scratching the back of his neck, his sharp teeth showing in that stupid grin you loved.

     “Y-you just surprised me is all,” you steadied your breathing, hoping to avoid an all out panic attack. Come on, get it together, Y/N, you thought to yourself. Not in front of him, anyone but him. “But, anyway,” you moved back to his side, not close enough to touch, of course, “ you know my parents are really strict and extreme germaphobes. They barely want me living there, making a mess,” you laughed nervously, and Kazuichi remained silent, his mind racing. “Kazu…?”

     “Oh, y-yeah! What? Oh, yeah, I know. Your folks sure are nuts, huh? You’d think they’d be like super psyched that you got into Hope’s Peak and be proud of you or some shit, and let you have more freedom..or at least less-strict rules. Man, they are so unreasonable. It’s crazy...”

     He had no idea…

     He walked you home, telling you he would pick you up around six to hang out with a small group of your friends at the local diner, but since he busted his dad’s car trying to improve it, he’d have to let Nekomaru drive. You nodded, telling him you couldn’t wait, before entering your prison for the afternoon. You immediately ran to your room and locked it, not that it ever helped when your dad had a master key, and when he was drunk, even that didn’t even matter. No need for a key when you can just aggressively bust the door open, breaking the lock. You’d asked Kazuichi if he knew how to fix a lock, him of course offering to come over and fix it, but fearing he’d ask too many questions and get too close to the truth, you quickly shut him up and said you’d Youtube a tutorial. You did, and spent your own money on the tools and materials needed to fix it. Even though it didn’t do much to stop your rampaging father, something about the small comfort of having a locked door gave you the hope that maybe one day...maybe one day, he’d figure it was too much work to bother with, and retreat back into his room.

~

     “Dude, why do they hate me so much?” Kazuichi sighed, leaning on the door of Nekomaru’s car and looking angrily out the window. Even if he wasn’t being overly dramatic on purpose, with Nekomaru’s size, he was left squished and forced to lean on the door anyway.

     “HAHA, man, you’re being ridiculous! You know that’s bullshit. Y/N’s known you longer than any of us, and you know they adore you!” Nekomaru laughed, driving a little faster then he should down the suburban street.

     “Well, they don’t ‘adore’ me they way I do them, ya know? Am I ugly? I’m ugly, aren’t I?”

     “I think you’re objectively attractive!” Nekomaru shouted his support.

     “T-then why the hell don’t they like me like that?! Man, I’ve spent years with Y/N, I compliment them, I love reading their poetry, and I don’t even like poetry! I spend all my free time with them! There’s no one I’d rather be around! They even like watching me work on my dad’s dinky ass car! Who wants to watch that?!”

     “Souda...have you even told Y/N that you like them like that?!” Nekomaru smirked.

     “Well...no.” He sheepishly admitted, then gained his indignant tone back, “Hell no! I can’t do that! I mean, I’ve had crushes before, people I’ve wanted to smash or make out with, o-or take out to dinner, but nothing...nothing like this!”

     “You love ‘em? Y/N, I mean,” Nekomaru asked rather quietly, for once, deadly serious. Kazuichi went silent. The silence hung in the air for a few minutes. “I mean, ten years is a long time to know someone, enough time to fall in love…” he trailed off. Kazuichi puffed out his cheeks, ever stubborn, tracing his finger on the window. A good while passed with the two men in silence on the way to your house.

   “A-anyway, they won’t even let me fuckin’ touch ‘em. Ten years, and you know what I’ve got? Maybe one high five, an accidental bump when chilling at my place. I’ve got shit! Always a reason we can’t hug or arm wrestle and…..And! They never let me go to their place! Like, what is that? They say it’s their parents’ rule but like c’mon, ten years? I know that’s a lie. They just don’t want me there. Don’t trust me, or think I’m a creep or annoying or…” He trailed off, getting a little too upset by his own words.

     “Maybe there’s a reason for that... You put too little faith in them, but, anyway, I think you’re overthinking it, pal. I mean, you never know what someone’s feeling until you ask, and you’ve never asked. You think my players just go out on the field with a sprained ankle without telling me, or me askin’ if there’s a reason they are limping? NO! Communication is key to any type of relationship! You’ve known them longer then me, would it really hurt to ask them out?! Or confess your feelings?!

     But he never did, for fear of a rejection more brutal than he could ever handle. He couldn’t risk making things so awkward that you disappeared from his life, and so, you and Kazuichi Souda, two idiots madly in love, remained friends. Friends that never touched.

~

     But then, you woke up to sun in your eyes, blistering heat and humid air soaking through your long sleeve sweater. You sat up quickly, feeling sand trickle down your turtleneck and run through your fingers.

     “What the hell?” Upon standing, fear quickly set in when you took in the sight of some white-haired guy you didn’t know talking to some brunette with a white shirt that you also didn’t know. They turned to you, hearing you stir from your sleep.

     “Ah, you’re up and about!” The white-haired boy smiled gently, his eyes crinkling closed. “We decided to let everyone wake at their own pace before exploring. You were the last one, so that’s why no one else but us is here. This is Hajime Hinata, and I’m Nagito Komaeda, a pleasure to meet you.” He held out his hand, approaching you, but you simply looked at it, pulling your arms into your chest. “Oh, I’m sorry. Not one for introductions, huh?” He put his finger to his lip, looking up slightly with a pensive expression, “ or maybe you’re just a bit shaken up? Hey, that’s fine. I can try to get Usami over here to give you the run-down like she did for the rest of us!” He smiled again, the other boy, Hajime, looking as confused and uncomfortable as you were.

    “Rest of us? How many others? Where are we? I w-was just walking into Hope’s Peak for my first day of class and then I...well I guess I must have passed out. I’m Y/N, by the way.”

     “Ah, Y/N, I think I saw your name on the class roster online! Your poetry was wonderful, by the way. I read a lot of it online. It’s so hope-inspiring. Yep, we’re classmates for sure. And about that whole passing out thing, it’s the same for all of us, we don’t really know what happened,” Nagito continued.

     “All of us? Who? Nagito, who do you keep talking about?” You were growing impatient and scared.

     “The rest of our class,” Hajime spoke up, seeing your frustration, crossing his arms over his chest, “Nagito was about to come with me to meet them all. He apparently did already.”

     Then it clicked.

     “The rest of our class? For the new semester at Hope’s Peak right?” Your heart was going a mile a minute, panic setting in, but a seed of hope planting itself and pushing forth your next words. “Nagito, do you remember all of their names? Was one of them Kazuichi Souda? Pink hair, Ultimate Mechanic?” Nagito nodded plainly. “Take me to him, now...please.”

~

     You sat in your cottage at the hotel resort on Jabberwock Island that night, it’s breezy, calming beach aesthetic making you sick to your stomach. It was all a big fucking lie, a mask to cover the scent of death that lingered around the island and carried itself on the wind. That stupid ass bear decorated the place to look like a tropical paradise, complete with complimentary meals and essentials at an all-you-could-want supermarket, but it all was a ploy, a trick. You’d be a fool to trust anything or anyone but Souda in the coming weeks.

     Speaking of Souda, after Monokuma had thoroughly harassed Usami...or Monomi or whatever, announced the killing game, and sent you all to your cottages with nothing but fear and an electronic tablet, Souda had been in and out of your room, checking on you and venting about his own worries. You two talked for hours, then he’d go and shower, then he’d come back, and you’d get food from the restaurant nearby and bring it back to your cottage to hopefully eat safely together behind your locked door. Souda was usually your rock, but it was no use this time around. He was no knight in shining armor, and could only do so much to cheer you both up. He was nearly pissing his pants in fear of your situation, and you couldn’t blame him.

     Neither of you knew what had happened, or how you’d gotten here, though you tried to recall it all night with him until your brains hurt. There was no memory beyond the first day of school, walking into the entrance hall. There were no classes, no commuting to school, no hang-outs in his dorm, and most importantly, no conversation between him and Nekomaru.

     Days passed and you noticed Souda coming to your room less and less, and being more distant when he did show up. You thought maybe it was just this killing game getting to his head, making him more aloof and prone to spacing out, until you finally exited your cottage alone for the first time one afternoon to join the others at the restaurant at Byakuya’s request. Apparently, there was going to be a meeting. Everyone would be there, so for a killing to occur was highly unlikely, with everyone as a witness.

     You crept into the restaurant, skittish and on edge. Your head was on a swivel all the way there until you saw Kazuichi sitting with everyone else, an entranced look on his face. You knew this look all too well, and followed his gaze to none other than the Ultimate Princess herself, Sonia Nevermind. Oh boy, really Kazu...in the middle of a fucking murder vacation??? Really??? You scoffed, always surprised by this boy you’d known for so long, but you shouldn’t have been at this point. Same old Souda…

     You sat by him, expecting a toothy grin and welcome as always, but he just kept...staring at Sonia as your little meeting was about to start. You were all just waiting on a few more people.

     “Kazu.” You whispered, reaching out to poke him but pulling away at the last second. He didn’t move a muscle. “Kazuichi!” You said a built louder, tapping the table in front of him.

     “Oh! Uh, hey Y/N, what’s up? Sorry I didn’t come over for breakfast. I was uh….distracted,” and just like that his gaze went back to Sonia, practically drooling over her. Fuyuhiko, the little yakuza, and Peko Pekoyama, the master swordswoman were the last to enter, and the meeting commenced.

     Byakuya and Hajime were the main voices of reason and the evident leaders of your pack. Byakuya was planning a party, and he wanted you all there to discuss your plans for escape further and get closer to one another so that hopefully an unkillable bond was formed. You’d all be in the same place, and there would be no weapons or objects that could potentially be dangerous. Teruteru would make the food, Nagito would clean up the place beforehand.

     You could hardly focus on the conversation as your emotions were starting to bubble up. Every single time Sonia suggested an addition to the plan or agreed with someone, Kazuichi spoke up too, supporting her with big sparkling goo goo eyes

     What the hell was this? You seethed, stewing in your seat. He always had new crushes, that was normal, but he usually just watched them intently and staked their social media then confessed way too soon to them and got rejected and told you all about them later on in private when you were inevitably together all day afterw- wait...was this why he wasn’t visiting your cottage as much? Is this why he wasn’t talking to you as much as usual? A stupid crush? What was wrong with him. He never acted this way, not this bad. You were starting to worry...

     You looked at him, your eyes on fire as he continued to faun over Princess Nevermind and her fucking perfect flowing blonde hair and fucking perfect voice and-

     “Alright, you’re all dismissed.” Byakuya wrapped up the meeting, and everyone began to disperse. Kazuichi jumped up, rushing over to ask Miss Sonia if she wanted him to walk her home. You were fuming at that point, finding this whole scene unbelievable, and stomped to your cottage alone.

~

     The next night, Byakuya Togami was murdered at his own party, and Teruteru was fried to a crisp in front of your eyes. You broke down in a full-on panic attack after that first trial, in your locked room alone, having showered and gotten into bed immediately after, deciding to never leave this room again. Kazuichi came knocking the next day, asking if you wanted to explore the new island that Monokuma opened up with him and Sonia, but you coldly refused, almost slamming the door in his face.

     Eventually, you were forced out of your room by Monokuma’s mandatory motive meetings, and Kazuichi always stood by Sonia, saying one or two words to you before you left.

     You curled up in your bed again, alone that night.

     How could this happen? Your own thoughts enshrouded you, swirling around like black smoke of despair. Why is he doing this…? Is he- maybe he’s finally in love for real...no, not Kazuichi. He’s supposed to be mine...my best friend. Does ten years mean nothing to him? How could he do this?! She clearly doesn’t even like him back! Your anger and self-pity was turning into blind rage. It took everything you had to not scream at the top of your lungs and start throwing things. As you began to drift off into sleep, you told yourself that if you didn’t start looking on the bright side, you were going to end up dead, maybe by your own hands.

     Maybe this is just a crush after all, just...this killing game has pushed his emotions into over-drive too! Yeah, that’s it! He’s forcing himself to look on his own bright side, and this little crush is his way of staying sane...but why wouldn’t he just come to you to stay sane? Why couldn’t you be his bright side? You were always his confidant, and him yours….stop! Stop it Y/N, happy thoughts. Your dad can’t get you here. He won’t be sneaking in your room at night. You can sleep soundly...unless a classmate busts in to murder you.

     “Fuck!” You cried out, deciding to stay up the entire night writing poetry on the notepad by your bed. “I’ll get out of this. We will get out of this, me and Kazu. Surely no one is gonna kill again after how rough that first trial was…”

     And then Mahiru died, and then you watched Peko die, and Fuyuhiko was taken away by Monokuma’s little ambulance.

     As you exited the trial grounds this time around, you all walked in a small huddle back to the cottages, your spirits shot, despair taking over. Kazuichi was just close enough to you to get a few words in through the awkward silence.

     “H-hey, that one was pretty rough, huh? Worst then the last. I mean, I actually discovered the body this time...it was traumatizing, you know?”

     “I don’t know, why don’t you go tell Sonia about it!” You spat, rather loudly for the timid friend he knew. The rest of the group mostly ignored you, a few uncomfortable glances in your direction.

     “What do you mean? I’m telling you right now, I can talk to her later,” he chuckled apprehensively, hands in the pockets of his jumpsuit.

     “Why not go tell her now? What, did she finally tell you to fuck off, so you’re falling back on your back-up mode of getting attention?!” Arriving at the entrance of the resort, your group stepped through. The all could feel the awkwardness in the air, but none more then Sonia, her name being mentioned more than once.

     “Y/N, w-where is this coming from?” Kazuichi’s eyes widened at your harsh words.

     “I know you’re not fucking serious! It’s Sonia, Sonia, Sonia all day every day but now you wanna talk to me? Oh gee, thanks! After ten fucking years I’m glad you’ve decided I earned this conversation. I’m honored!” The group looked toward you two, keeping their distance, some of them sweating, some chuckling at Souda’s expense

     “Looks like the idiot grease monkey messed up big time,” Hiyoko giggled behind her kimono sleeve with an evil smile before Hajime urged the others to just mind their business and head to their rooms. Surprisingly, they all listened, too sad and tired to argue or grab their popcorn to watch this entertaining display. You two were left alone there, Kazuichi completely frozen with pure terror.

     “Y/N, I-“

     “Fuck you, Kazuichi! We’re being murdered one by one, and you drop me for a fucking infatuation over some Barbie?!” You knew you shouldn’t be blaming Sonia at all or bringing her into this with insults, but you were so infuriated that you’d have to let the guilt sink in later and apologize to her. He tried to approach you, reaching out. “Don’t fucking touch me! Don’t even look at me! From now on, I’m looking out for only myself! You leave me alone, you hear? Sonia can be your one and only! You saw how Fuyuhiko felt about losing Peko, his closest friend? Well...I was hoping that wouldn’t have to be us…” you let him fill in the rest of your sentence in his imagination, as your voice faltered, tears springing up.

     “Y/N, don’t cry...please.”

     “Goodnight Kazuichi,” and you walked swiftly past him, slamming the door to your cottage.

     The next night, Kazuichi and the others visited Fuyuhiko in the hospital on the new island while you stayed in your room, but Souda lingered after everyone left, hoping to get some alone time with the injured yakuza. He told Fuyuhiko of his situation with you from the beginning: the bruises, not letting him come over, shrinking away fron any and all touch, his love for you, his feeling of imminent rejection every time he thought about confessing. To his surprise, Fuyuhiko, having lost the bite in his voice along with Peko, merely listened, then, being more intuitive and aware of obvious signs, told Kazucihi that you were most likely being abused at home, and didn’t want him to know. Kazuichi felt like his soul left his body...what? How could he have missed this?

     Fuyuhiko had seen it a lot growing up, the fellow sons of other yakuza members getting beat on by their aggressive dads, the daughters being touched inappropriately by other members or rival clans, the aftermath, the behaviors. He spoke his piece, his advice, and after a long man-to-man talk...one full of Fuyuhiko’s regrets, of Peko’s dutiful ignorance of her own feelings, and a lifetime of friendship that yearned to be maybe just a bit more, Kazuichi knew what he had to do.

~

     A knock on your door that night startled you from your nap. You ignored it. The knock came again, much louder, more desperate this time.

     “Monokuma didn’t say there was a new motive and I already ate dinner, so leave me alone!” You yelled to whoever it was, assuming it may be Hajime asking for another meeting for yet another faulty escape plan.

     “It’s...it’s me,” his voice cracked. Your face heated up, in anger or sadness, you didn’t know…

     “Go away!”

     “Please. Please, Y/N...just this once. I need to talk to you. I need to.” You stood up, walking to the door and placing your weary head against it to hear him better.

     “I don’t want to talk. You’re making this harder on us both. Let’s just make this a clean break, that way, if one of us dies, it won’t hurt as much.”

     “Are you fucking serious? Won’t hurt as much? Are you crazy?! Losing you would be the worst thing that ever happened to me!” Your eyes widened, tears threatening to fall, “I don’t…” he calmed himself, a bit embarrassed of how much his voice wavered. “I don’t want a clean break and neither do you so open up, or I’ll sit here all night.”

     “You idiot! You can’t! You’re a sitting duck outside alone at night.” Why did you care? You’d chosen to end your friendship.

     “Then...then I guess I’ll just wait to be murdered. I’m not moving. I mean, I’m scared. I don’t wanna die, but-“ the door swung open, Kazuichi suddenly face to face with your sleep deprived eyes. He nodded, walking in and sitting on your bed. You closed the door and locked it, standing against the door in a very defensive stance. “Please, come sit.”

     “No.”

     “Please!” You saw fresh tears sting his eyes now, and you gave in, sitting a few feet apart on your bed and refusing to make eye contact.

     “What do you want?”

“I think you know what I want.” He spoke rather confidently for his current emotional state. Your heart skipped a beat and you sat there silently. He continued. “Why did you never let me come to your house?” What? Why was he bringing this up now?

     “What do you mean? This is what you wanted to talk abo-“

     “Just answer me!”

     “I told you many times, my parents were strict and-“

     “That’s a lie. What were all the bruises from? The random scratches and bandaids popping up randomly?”

     “Kazuichi, don’t-“ you were starting to breath heavy, fearing your blissfully oblivious friend was finally catching on to your dark secrets.

     “Why won’t you let me touch you? Ten years, and I couldn’t hug the person I...my best friend...I couldn’t even touch you! Why is that?!” He was so furious, more at your father for hurting you than you for hiding this from him when he could’ve stepped in and helped. The usual up-and-down tonation, the random cracks and stutters when he was nervous, were nowhere to be found.

     “Kazu, PLEASE-”

     “It’s because your dad was touching you, right?! And you didn’t want anyone to know!” He spat, and you collapsed forward into his arms, sobbing freely into his chest. He froze at the contact at first, completely in shock. You sniveled and drooled into his chest, barely breathing, you were shaking so hard. Slowly, his arms closed in on you, wrapped around tightly, and you let him, as he leaned back until you were laying on his chest face-down, soaking his jumpsuit and undershirt.

     “Y/N…just breathe.” After a few moments he spoke, letting your sobs die down into little whimpers. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

     “I was humiliated. I was scared. I didn’t want you to look at me differently, like I was pitiful or tainted.”

     “That’s insane and you know it. I would never judge you for something your fucked up dad forced on you. Was he hit hitting you too or just…”

     “Yes...all the time.”

     “I could’ve gotten you out of there, into a shelter or living with me. My parents aren’t the best but they’d understand-“

     “I didn’t want you to deal with that. I didn’t want you to know any of it.”

     “Deal with that? What, you? Deal with you? Y/N…” he trailed off, scared when that old friend, rejection sat in back of his mind.

     “What, Kazu?” you needed to hear it. Your life depended on it at this point.

     “I...I love you. It’s not ‘dealing’. I want to help you, I want to love you. I’ve wanted to touch you, like this…” Your heart rate, finally having calmed down from your tantrum, started up again.

     “Kazu…”

     “I’m sorry I didn’t know. I should’ve known, but I chose to be oblivious and mess around with our friendship like an idiot.”

     “Stop, Kazuichi. None of what happened to me was your fault. I won’t allow you to think otherwise. Don’t you dare.”

     “I could’ve stopped it, though.”

     “That’s in the past now...and to be honest, it feels...good.”

     “Good?” He was immensely confused by how any of this could be considered good.

     “A relief, I mean...Kazu, no one knew. Nobody knew about it. I wanted to tell you. For so long I’ve wanted to, and to tell you that, I love you too.” He pulled you both into a sitting position, wanting to see your eyes and make sure you were for real. “It feels less painful, now that you know the truth. It still hurts, what my dad did will always leave scars on my heart and body but-” Kazuichi let all of his fears blow away in the wind, leaning down and gently pressing his lips into yours. Tears ran down your face as you closed your eyes and let yourself be absorbed by his love. He pulled away, allowing you to finish your thought:

“- I’m not afraid anymore.”

[novantinuum]

Fandom: Steven Universe

Rating: Teen Audiences (TW: language)

Words: ~3K

Summary: Lars has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him in the middle of the night to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

Set mid SUF.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten to write Lars’ POV before this, but it was really fun! If you read this and enjoy, I’d greatly appreciate your support through reblogs here, or kudos/comments on AO3. Thank you! <3

____

Besides the quiet lull of the TV and the electric hum of the attic’s rickety old heater, all is silent in the Barriga household. The nighttime streets outside are vacant. Not a soul roams through his section of town, not even the newer Gem arrivals, who thankfully have been informed of humanity’s biologically mandated curfew by now. Sheesh, it’s about time.

After all, silence is peace. And in this day and age, in a world where the barriers between human and intergalactic politics are becoming increasingly blurred by the hour, peace is a gift.

Which is why having free time to play whatever old video games he wants in complete and total solitude at one AM is probably the single thing keeping him sane at this moment.

Lars’ fingers expertly flick at the joysticks of the controller as if by innate memory. It genuinely feels like forever since he’s been able to lose himself for hours in a solo campaign like this, and quite honestly, if given a choice he prefers it to any other leisurely activity. Chatting with his online friends or with that Gem gang of his is fun, sure, and working the counter at his bake shop can often be emotionally satisfying, but pushed too long and any kind of social interaction feels draining. He shifts on his bed, paying little to no attention to the slight chill against his bare chest. He’s pretty sure it’s like, near freezing outside and yet somehow it’s no more an annoyance to him than having to pause to reload an ammo clip in this game. It’s weird. Really weird. But then, at this point everything about his dumb life is.

It’s the Steven effect, he thinks with a soft scoff. Weird practically orbits him and his moms, and inevitably, every person he comes in contact with is brought into the fold. He’s a good kid, though. Don’t get him wrong. Steven always tries his best to be thoughtful when dealing with people he doesn’t understand— even when initially those people just act like dicks in return— and he for one is grateful for that, for the gift of a... a second chance. He knows full well he didn’t deserve it, (he still doesn’t), but he’s grateful.

The kid’s still on his mind when his phone lights up on the nightstand beside him, like the now familiar glow of Gems synchronizing to fuse.

(And goddamnit, does a part of him still balk almost two years later that it’s so normal to be casually relating everyday things to outer space Gem stuff anyways. What is he, with his pink hair and alien friends, the main character of an anime?)

Eyes skirt away from the grainy television set he’s been playing his favorite Immortal Combat on, and glance at the new notification.

Steven, the name at the top of the text reads. Well, lo and behold. The true shounen protagonist himself. Somebody’s ears must have been burning. Though, hmm. Come to think of it, that’s actually unusual. They pass bullshit memes back and forth sometimes, yes, but he never sends him anything this late at night.

Lars frowns, failing to obscure that annoying, instinctual worry that seizes him like the long lost sensation of hunger rising from the pit of his stomach, and scoots forward on his bed to grab his phone. What’s he want at this hour, anyways?

Steven: hey, sorry i know its late but can i come over ?

His frown deepens as he glances down at himself, clad in only a pair of boxers. He doesn’t mind having an unexpected visitor— after all, it’s not like he requires sleep anymore— but he’s not exactly dressed for company, here.

yeah but gimme a mo, he types back. kinda need to put on a shirt

Steven: k

Yawning out of sheer habit, he leans over the other side of the bed and grabs the first decent smelling tee he can find off the floor. It’s got an overlapping triangular emblem on it, a symbol from one of the game series he used to be obsessed with as a kid. He quickly shrugs it and a stray pair of sweatpants on, then returns to his phone.

decent now, he updates him.

The response is almost immediate.

Steven: be there soon

With a heavy inhale, he leans back against the headboard and begins to mentally prepare himself for the passage of One Whole Teenage Boy through the portal in his hair. For the most part he’s grown used to the changes caused by Steven’s literal magic resurrection, but not this. Who the hell knows how his pet lion puts up with it all the time. Quite frankly, how that creature has remained so docile and patient after years of interloping within Steven’s chaotic world of Gems eludes him, ‘cause it sure as hell isn’t a side effect of all the death-defying space voodoo.

Also, he’s like, 97% sure that “docile” and “patient” aren’t words anyone would pick to describe him at any stage of his life, ever.

And yet, yawning in his boredom, Lars waits.

And he waits.

And he waits.

And when eventually he breaks his stubborn streak and dares to check the time on his phone to see how many minutes have elapsed, how many minutes of his thrice-damned maybe infinite lifespan he’s wasted sitting up against the far wall of his room waiting for that kid to tumble right out of the literal inter-dimensional door hidden amidst the curls atop his head, he’s mildly surprised that his first emotional response to this delay is... dare he admits... disappointment.

It’s been nearly fifteen minutes. For whatever unknown reason, it seems as if Steven may not be coming over after all. Huh. He wonders what changed his mind. Pressing his lips into a thin line, Lars decides to check his texts. It’s possible the guy wrote something else and he just didn’t see it. But when he pulls up his latest conversation, all that comes up are the last messages they sent to each other. Be there soon, he said.

He hovers hesitant fingers over the keyboard, caught in the midst of trying to decide whether or not it’s too invasive and prying to send some sort of casual check-in, when he picks up on a very timid knock on the front door downstairs. And given the lateness of the hour, there’s really only one person it could be. He blinks for a moment, his mind still doing somersaults in order to process the mere concept of Steven not gleefully taking the opportunity to explode out of his hair for once in his life, and then drags himself up to his feet. Walks out of his attic room and down the stairs, being careful not to disturb his slumbering parents. Unlatches the locks on the door.

Truth be told he has no idea what he was expecting the moment Steven texted him at one fucking AM to ask if he could come over, but being immediately tackled in an intense vice-grip of a hug the second he opened the door probably wasn’t it.

He struggles not to stumble backwards at the initial force of the teen’s silent yet yearning embrace, eventually regaining his stability and... slowly, delicately... hugging him back. Honestly, he’s never been much of a hugger himself, but eh. He’ll give the guy this one. After a brief moment Lars gives him a few awkward pats, clearing his throat.

“Uh, Steven? You good to let go, now?” he asks quietly, still keeping his voice in a whisper for his parents’ benefit.

“Oh! Y-yeah, yeah,” his younger friend stammers, immediately pulling himself away. His eyes are drawn to the floor as he wrings his hands together. Timid. “Sorry, I just— I just needed somewhere I could clear my head tonight. Thank you, by the way.”

“No problem,” he throws back, gesturing for him to follow up the stairs. “‘S not like I ever sleep a wink now anyways. So I might as well have company.”

The two of them tiptoe towards the attic, a familiar setting for both. Steven’s been in here quite a few times before, so— already knowing the lay of the land— he plops himself down in the beanbag chair Lars keeps at the foot of his bed. They don’t talk about much of anything at first, merely passing back and forth brief updates about their lives. Small talk, nothing more. As expected though, Steven’s update is infinitely more interesting than his. Apparently he went on some mission to an alien planet with that Lapis friend of his the other day and had to deal with the attitude of some stubborn terraformers who didn’t want to stop working on their shitty old Homeworld assignment. (Meanwhile, the only update he has to offer is how he’s teaching Blue Lace Agate the art of bad baking puns while at work. Gotta leave behind some sort of legacy before he leaves with his fellow Off-Colors, of course.)

When the small talk finally dries up, (which seems... uncharacteristic, given the typical enthusiasm of his current visitor), Lars offers him a second controller.

“We can play the go-kart one, if you want,” he says, knowing full well that his friend isn’t a huge fan of all his war-themed combat games. Still, he figures the guy could probably stand to blow off a little steam. He looks super stressed, with his brow all creased and his stare unnervingly glassy.

The sixteen-year-old nods, adjusting his hands around the grips of the controller as Lars switches out the disk.

They race a few rounds in relative quiet, wholly insulated by the reassuring stillness of the night all around them, before Steven decides to open up again.

“Where do you think the line is?” he asks when they finish their current course.

His whole face scrunches in confusion. “Huh?”

“Between like, doing bad things, and outright being bad?” he continues, seemingly unaware of the comedic pulse of Lars’ initial response.

Lars blinks.

Considers these words deeply and thoroughly for a moment, as any good friend should.

And then...

“Where the heck did you pull that question from?”

Steven merely shrugs, his shoulders drooping a bit lower than they had been when he first entered his house a while back. “I dunno, just musing, ‘s all.”

The edges of his mouth curl downwards as he lets this corker of a conversation starter wash over him, not so much intended as a frown at Steven, but a frown at... whatever force of this universe would lead his friend to start musing about such depressing philosophical quandaries in the first place. Acting numb and brooding at the rest of the world is supposed to be his job, not this kid’s! And sure, yes, yes, yes, he knows he can’t exactly call him a kid anymore— at least not to his face— and that he’s been a teenager for a good three years now. It’s just that... well. For all his complaints about it earlier in life, Lars kinda grew to respect and feel uplifted by his cheery, upbeat, never-give-up-hope outlook. Dare he says, he kinda misses it.

(And for Steven’s sake, he kinda hoped he’d never discover the burnout and cynicism waiting on the other side. Alas, he fears that ship has probably sailed.)

“Sorry,” the sixteen-year-old mumbles upon noting his extended silence, his cheeks flushed with shame. “Probably not something anyone wants to think about at two in the morning. Just- forget I said anything, okay? Let’s play one more round, and then I can lea—“

Eyes widening, he holds up a hand to intercept that train of thought. “No, that’s— you asked an interesting question. Deep, but interesting. It’s fine, I don’t mind. I...”

He inhales deep, collecting his wits and whatever years of wisdom he may or may not have accumulated ever since dying and coming back to life.

“I suppose in my mind, people aren’t truly bad unless they intend to cause harm, y’know?” he begins, meeting Steven’s eyes. “You can still hurt others without meaning it, and like... that’s still not great, and you should still try and make up for it however you can, but... life’s complicated. People are complicated. It’s all a huge mess of emotions and ethics and beliefs all the time.”

He pauses, a twinge of melancholy rising within his chest as he catches a glimpse of a photograph hung on one of the wooden support beams at the far wall. It’s a selfie of him and Sadie he printed out a few years back when they were still low-key dating, one that— for the life of him— he can’t bear to take down. She’s kissing his cheek. He’s caught in the middle of laughter, playfully trying to nudge her away. They look... so young.

So naive.

(So human.)

“And sometimes it can be so, so easy to convince yourself that you’re always in the right,” he continues, quieter, “that people feeling hurt because of something you did is just their problem. In that case, it’s not that you wanted to harm anyone, it’s just... that you were blind to it, I guess.”

(And he was blind for a long, long time.)

“Like I said, it’s messy.”

Lars sighs, willfully averting his glance from the photographic reminder of all the ways he ignorantly fucked up with Sadie as a friend and partner, and with everyone in his life, making the same stupid mistakes over and over with nearly no improvement until he literally died to his old self.

“So, yeah. There. I guess that’s my opinion,” he mumbles, absentmindedly fiddling with the collar of his graphic tee. “Everyone makes bad choices sometimes, but you’re not actually a bad person unless you literally want to harm others. I don’t think people are bad once and bad forever, though,” he adds, pulling his hand away from his shirt.

Inhaling deep, he splays his palm wide, admiring those same old loops and whorls at the tips of his fingers, identical in every detail to his old, living, human self... but now pink. It's haunting, sometimes.

“People can change, y’know? If they make the effort to.”

When he finally glances back at Steven, he seems thoroughly spaced out by all his impassioned rambling, his gaze walleyed and void of any identifiable emotion. He scowls, unsure whether or not he should feel offended, and gives an exaggerated shrug to defuse the sickeningly earnest atmosphere out of this room.

“But hey, I’m biased,” he mutters, letting that instinctual, age-old self-depreciation coat his tone once more. “For all I know, everything I said could be absolute bunk, and I’m still just an asshole.”

“I don’t think you’re an asshole, Lars,” Steven finally speaks up, his expression still perplexingly unreadable.

“I—“ His eyes blow wider, the sheer frankness of this comment catching him entirely off guard, overturning all of his once-impenetrable defenses. “...Thank you. I’m trying not to be.”

The conversation doesn’t advance any further from there, both parties content to fade back into the understated comfort of silent companionship. They play a few more rounds of their racing game, Lars beating Steven handily each time. (Truth be told, he’s not confident he’s bringing his A-game, though.) Then, sometime around three AM, his friend drags himself out of the beanbag chair and announces that he should probably head home and get some rest. Apparently he’s got a lot of planning to do for Little Homeschool's graduation ceremony that’s happening in a few days, or whatever. Which, is fair. Not everyone is blessed enough to be a sleepless zombie like him.

“Y’know, it’s been nice, getting to hang out, just us,” Steven says— quiet, but genuine— as Lars leads him back down the stairs. “We should do this more often.”

Purposefully, given the unusual emotional atmosphere of this whole visit, he decides not to mention the fact that he's planning to leave Earth again when his all Gem friends finally graduate. Later, he thinks, when everyone's in a better place.

“Well, if you’re ever bored, you know where to reach me,” he replies as they reach the bottom step, fondly rolling his eyes. “The good ol’ inter-hair-mensional express. Just, y’know— text me. And not during work hours.”

The teen gives his thanks once again, and then exits out the front, making sure to be extra gentle shutting the door on his way out for his parents’ sake. Huh. Seems that even when he’s (seemingly) in a funk, he’s capable of being uber courteous like that. Goodness, how does he do it?

Lars stands motionless at the entryway for a few moments after he’s gone, staring blankly at the now empty space the sixteen-year-old just occupied. His brow furrows, his fingers curling in perplexion at his side. He doesn’t have enough insight into Steven’s inner life to claim anything for sure, but he can’t help but feel like something with that boy was... off, tonight. Like, beyond your standard teenage moodiness. His demeanor, his bizarre and specific question, his relative silence... it all seems to be pointing towards something, lurking in the background. Still, there’s little he can do for a person who’s not volunteering information. And it ain’t his job to drag it out of him, either. He always hated when his parents tried to do that when he was younger, and it almost ruined their relationship entirely. That’s the last sorta scenario he’d want to force upon Steven. He’ll open up when he’s ready, in the end.

And until then... well.

He just hopes that the kid knows that— beyond the bizarre magic portal in that pink lion’s mane— he’s always got a brother on the other side who’s willing to at least listen. To be but a small source of support.

If he wants him to be.

[kicksaddictny]

Kicksaddict Sneakerhead PROFILES Interview Series: @CakedaGawd

After a long Hiatus, we’ve returned! Our popular Profile series has been requested almost on a daily basis (Thanks for the tweets, dms and emails). We were even threatened! (Thanks by the way).

Cake The Gawd! This one was so much fun. Tap in.

Where are you from? Brooklyn, NY born in Crown Heights raised in East Flatbush.

How long have you been collecting sneakers? I was introduced to sneakers in 1991 but I started collecting for myself in 98.

What’s your favorite sneaker and why? Air Jordan 6 Infrared. It's the shoe Michael was wearing when he won his first championship, and to me just it’s just the most beautiful Jordan shoe to date! The silhouette is unmatched, it is timeless, and no matter how many times it is retroed I will buy it!

Besides your hometown, what is the best city for sneakerheads that you know of? Why? I would say LA 100% !! It is a vibe out there. I am part of a sneaker group and 75% of the people in there are from LA. They really about the culture they know their shit and they are fresh as fuck too.

Do you collect just for collecting or do you collect and rock? I collect and rock. That is why I double up on certain shoes.. Some kicks you gotta have for store and show but some you just have to rock them!

What sneaker got you into the sneaker game? I cannot pinpoint one thing, it is so many things. It was Music, my parents introducing me to Nike, my older cousin, basketball, the dope boys around the way, and my 3rd grade crush and her cousin who both had Aqua 8's. (LOL) I cannot just say 1 thing because they all had a significant part in it.

What are your thoughts on these fake celebrity sneakerheads? I hate them all! All of these dudes just get perks, some of them do not even know the shoes. That shit really gets under my skin. Showing off shoes that they get and not even knowing the name or numbers of the shoes, creating their own names. Shit is sickening. S/O to the Sneaker Gawd Wale !

How do you feel about the Off white collabs? I liked the first round of the collabs. With the Presto's, Air maxes, Blazers, and Jordan 1's. I think after that it should've been left alone. But I can respect what they are doing over there. I just won my first pair of Off-White's with the Lot 50 joint.

If you could wear only one sneaker for the rest of your life, what would it be? Air Jordan 3 Black Cement. Yes 6's are my favorite of all time but the Black Cement 3's just go with EVERYTHING!

What advice would you give as far as storing and preservation of your sneakers? Wear your kicks man. I store and rock! I get it, wanting to save shoes but putting them away and never rocking them, when you finally do ya it’s separating and crumbling. In order for your kicks to last they gotta be worn anyway. Unless you're truly just on some collecting only for show vibes.

What is the most you’ve ever spent on a pair of sneakers? $900... I was able to land Black and Red and Royal 1's from 2001 together. A friend of mine had them and said he couldn't think of anyone else. I had literally just started my new job. A chunk of my first check went to that pick up.

Have you ever waited in line for a pair of kicks? I waited in line once in my life for shoes and swore I would never do it again. It was for the 2001 True Blue 3's. I waited online at like 7 in the morning at Kings Plaza. LMAO I said this will never happen again. I didn't have the patience for it. I do not know how ppl used to do that shit or camp for kicks. I was there for 1 hour and I was like this is ridiculous.

You're also a photographer, how long have you been taking photos? I have been taking photos since 2011 but officially became a photographer in 2013.

How do sneakers play a role in your photography? That is a great question because I didn't want the 2 to mix at all. Because I'm a scenery and landscape photographer. But I got into photography because of sneakers. No offense to anyone but a bunch of these  "influencers" get on IG with their DSLR cameras, take some on foot shots and call themselves "Photographers". 90% of them do not even understand lighting. I didn't wanna be one of those guys because I actually live this and study it. But recently I just started letting it be that and owning it. I am nice with this photography shit when it comes to sneakers. I have a deep connection with shoes and I love incorporating that into my art. I thank my wife for that. I told her I don't wanna be just another sneaker photographer and she said to me who said you have to be ?! I took that and ran with it. Off-White just recently featured some of my pictures on their Instagram.

I remember you saying you're a sneaker enthusiast, what is the difference between that and a sneakerhead? An enthusiast really studies sneakers. Sneakerheads just love sneakers like it ain't really about the history and all that for them. They just love shoes because it is cool and makes them feel good. Us Enthusiasts are invested. Things matter like knowing years of a shoe. For example, an enthusiast would look at a pair of Jordan's like Taxi 12's, We know Michael wore those in the 1996 - 97 season, but we also know that Martin gave away a pair on his show for the Christmas episode to the kid who had holes in shoes. They are tied to iconic moments. A sneakerhead may love Bordeaux 7's because they are dope looking shoes. Where for me it's that Michael Jordan wore those in a video with Michael Jackson and Kris Kross in the 92 Jam video. MJ and MJ in a video with Kris Kross, do you know what that did to my childhood?! Give you one more example that is not even Michael Jordan related. Piggy backing off of Kris Kross,The Patrick Ewing’s were one of my favorite kicks growing up besides seeing Pat play in them one of my favorite Hip Hop covers of all time is "Totally Krossed Out" and Kris Kross is wearing both colorways. So you see what I mean there is so much tied to it with being an enthusiast. This is just my opinion though some may not agree so don't shoot me! (Ha)

From the time you started collecting up until now, would you say that the sneaker game changed for the best or the worst? I have been collecting for 20 plus years now. I have seen the game at it's best, I have seen it die, I have seen it revive, and now I am witnessing the death of it again. The sneaker game is disgusting right now, and I honestly do not think it will ever recover. It really saddens me. It is a popularity and money contest right now.

Does pricing affect your collection? Hell No! And I hate that some people are trying to make this the norm. IDGAF if you paid $500 - $2000 for a pair, It doesn't mean shit.  The narrative is getting outta hand.

What does the word “Hypebeast” mean to you? Hypebeast is a person that only buys shit for status and popularity. They cannot form their own opinion about shit. They have to wear and cop items based on what every celeb is wearing or whatever these Social Media "Influencers" are saying is hot! It is not only sneaker related either. N*ggaz were hypebeasting for PS5 last year..

What are your thoughts on the females in the sneaker game? They are the best! I wish we had a Sneaker union and it was only run by females! The men in this game are annoying and so over the top. It is so bad that they feel the need to compete with women. The men get shoes just to show off to one another. Like what type of shit is that? The females are cool. I had a dude on twitter tell me women don't know the value of a shoe let alone about the shoe. The men feel like they always gotta try to shit on the women. The women are just trying to be part of the culture and enjoy it. And they shouldn't have to try to be part of something that is open to anyone who is willing to be invested and understand the culture.

Any advice for a young kid coming up in the sneaker game? Wear what you like! Respect the game and the people who have been doing it before you. Because this new generation of sneakerheads are little entitled dicks. No respect whatsoever!! I don't care about Travis Scott shoes. Without Jordan being who he is Travis wouldn't have a Jordan silhouette to collaborate with! Same with Off-White. These silhouettes were here before these guys. Say know your history and pay homage!! BUT STAY humble.

See I follow you and I'm loving the way you include your daughter in your work, what does that mean to you? Man, it is beautiful!!!! Without even trying she is invested in the culture. Both photography and shoes. Myself and my wife are both heavy into photography, art, music, sneakers, and clothes. My daughter is into all the same things but we are letting it be her own experience. We are not forcing anything on her. We want her to enjoy being a child and whatever things she picks up from us along the way is just a bonus. But I love shooting her, and I love when she asks myself and her mother "do we like her fit". It is truly a blessing man!

All photos by CAKEDAGAWD

Follow : https://twitter.com/CakedaGawd 

https://www.instagram.com/whatsinthesyrup/

[socratoteles]

A year to get Ph.D in letting go

The last time I was here, I wrote that perhaps it was time for me to go out and just enjoy the world. And amid the global pandemic, I sort of managed to do that. It was such a lifesaver in a year of goodbyes. I`ll get to that, but let me begin with my coronavirus scare.

On March 4 last year, I was away in Bandung, aware but not worried of some obscure virus that triggered a total lockdown in some Chinese cities. That very same day was also the time when my colleagues came in contact with a man who later confirmed of having contracted COVID-19.

That was how close I was of contracting the virus. Had I not taken a paid leave to write last year’s essay in the city where I was born, chances were high that I was another case as well, at that early stage of the pandemic too. I`m still familiar with the helplessness that came after I checked in to a hospital only to being denied the test (the nurse reasoned that the contact with my colleagues, who might catch the virus from the confirmed man, cannot be categorized as close contact).

And that experience, of confusion and fear of infecting loved ones, left a lasting impression that shaped my behavior going forward. After all, it takes a pandemic to make wearing mask and washing hands could made the difference between life and death.

Covid-induced isolation meant that I spent most of my time being holed up in my room for the past 12 months. To this day the side effects of this solitary existence is still beyond my full grasp. On one hand, this situation had brought out my inner resiliency, resourcefulness and adaptability in the long days and night when things were just so dark. On the other hand, it also forced me to deal with unresolved traumas and numerous intrusive thoughts, which I will get into later.

People get really creative during the long locked-down days, spending it doing viral social media challenges one after the other. Videoconferencing become a thing on its own and for some reason loads of folks played a game named Among Us too, perhaps to remind themselves of the interactions cruelly torn apart because of the virus.

There was also a newfound awareness on class too, because the coronavirus disproportionately affected different individuals with different income level. At least on my part, I was lucky that essential workers (the pandemic elevated the phrase into such a buzzword) near my place were safe and somehow never contracted the virus. It is worth mentioning that I definitely cannot survive this long if not for the minimarket workers, ride-hailing drivers and dozens of cooks, all of whom must have worked in long hours, despite knowing the risk, just to keep their families fed.

Others, however, were not so lucky. the SARS-CoV-2 had infected more than a million Indonesians a year after it was officially detected in these shores. Millions have lost their jobs as economic activities ground to a halt. The place I currently work was not an exception. Massive layoffs would have happened in my office had the shareholders have enough money to properly compensate their workers.

It was an obviously eye-opening experience to calculate my own severance pay and make sure I could survive on that for as long as possible. The prospect of losing your income during the pandemic –which should be that particular time for anyone to hold on to their what-ifs money– was really awful.

This is the paragraph where I say that I wish nothing but the best for those who left the company simply because they deserve nothing less than that.

But there was another reason why I signed up for a help from professional therapist last year. In the latter part of last year, things got very, very grim. At the risk of oversimplification, let’s just say that I was unable to express my feelings properly to a girl that I really liked, right at the most critical moment when probably both of us needed support from each other. She eventually left with another guy.

Days before that fateful event happened, I was quietly bearing my own burden. After years of convincing myself that I was okay, I was, in fact, not okay, at least mentally. Years of trauma have caught up. It’s too personal to even spell that out here but I`ll just quote this Youtuber just to describe a fitting metaphor. 

“You see, human identity is like a house of card. One that’s always expanding. A story that is ever developing and always referred back to because every memory becomes a new card. Trauma is when a card doesn’t fit because the experience itself is so painful that it’s incompatible with everything else and if you become obsessed with making it fit the whole house of cards can fall apart and you lose the confidence to build anything new.”

Basically, my house of cards came crashing down, hard. At a time, it reduced me into this insecure soul who were unsure that people will accept me for who I was.

The last time I felt this way was a couple years back when my parent’s divorce was formalized. A girlfriend turned ex-girlfriend at that time too. Apparently, the universe has a cruel sense of timing to combine existential crisis with a relationship one.

The road to recovery was rocky, to say the least. I know something fundamental must be addressed, hence the therapy session.

I`m grateful for the company of my friends, either offline or online. (yes, I had become quite loose in terms of isolation because I know I had to prioritize my mental health; COVID-19 be damned). I`m also glad to say that because I talked with my friends about this issue, some of them were also encouraged to seek professional help.

At the height of my despair, I watched La Grande Bellezza (probably for a half a dozen time already) again and found this quote, spoken by the protagonist Jep Gambardella:

“We’re all on the brink of despair. We can only look each other in the face, keep each other company, kid each other a bit. Don’t you agree?”

Someone was kind enough to upload the entire scene on Youtube.

I decided that all bets are off, so I purchased books, many of which had been on my to-read list for years because I know I`ll have to read it when I search for a catharsis. That was how I finally read the Camus’ Myth of Sisyphus, from which I managed to understand what he meant by the absurdities of life. Into the Wild, excellently written by Jon Krakauer, broke my heart too because of Chris Mccandles’ tales somehow mimicked my own, minus the grand adventure part. I finally read Alan Watts too, from whom I learned that efforts to avoid from pain is painful in itself.

And music, a constant part of my life as I know it, helps too. I was saved because Fleet Foxes released a life-affirming record that fittingly spoke about relief, gratitude, and seasonal rebirth. During the darkest days I was just alone with my guitar in my room, terribly singing out the words that these musicians carved out of their soul to release my emotional burden. I was particularly grateful for being reminded time and again that “no one gets it right” but “we’re all supposed to try”.

I made a playlist containing songs that for me served as a reminder to be gentle for myself. You can check that here.

All of that was a roundabout way to say that I indeed, was able to go out amid the pandemic. On one afternoon I just said fuck it, I need to go out and see things. That led me to a weekly socially-distanced walk around the neighborhood, which was therapeutic in itself because the walks allowed me to be fully present and be sensitive to the sights and sounds and smells around me. Nothing is more liberating that allowing your feet to go where it you to go.

I don’t have the full answers yet, but as I wrote his essay, I`m glad to be able to say that I have rebuild my house of cards, with some of the bad cards included as well. It was quite a bumpy ride but when I looked back, this particular tweet was eerily prescient because it rings true today as was the day I tweeted it.

But I walked away from the depths of that bottomless pit not only with knowledge, but also of understanding the parts that made me who I am. I`m also humbled after I saw the abyss for the second time because it suggests that there might be another time when I found myself on the edge of despair.

I`ll never forget the fact that these hard-won lessons came on the back of years of pain, grief and suffering. But it also came on the heels of moments of simple walk in the setting sun and feeling the breeze on the beach too. In fact, I have made it my mission going forward to acknowledge both good and bad things as they are. Because forcing yourself to remember all the bright things when you were in the dark, and vice versa, is a form of self-torture. I hope this essay somehow do that mission justice.

I have said goodbyes to many things in life as the crisis comes and goes, but 2020 goodbyes were simply different. So much so that I thought I have a PhD in letting go already, however absurd that idea is.