#my parents act like I fell out of a coconut tree knowing how to draw its sooo

[fondcrimes]

last weekend my mom showed my artwork from the literal 8th grade to my uncles and did the whole bragging while accusing me of wasting my talents thing so I think I need to scrounge up some family friendly inoffensive RECENT art for her while I’m feeling inspired after like 2 years of nothing maybe she’ll get off my case finally lolol 😅😅😅😅

[twistednuns]

May 2018

The scent of lilac blossoms, especially in the late evening on a walk through the neighbourhood. Still some light over the horizon, moon and stars visible.                                                                                               

Going hiking along the Isar with Lena. Seeing some kind of leopard snail, stealing lilac from behind a fence, riding my pastel-coloured bicycles. A jazz band playing in the beergarden. Eating a crêpe with Nutella. Talking. Walking. Even though my hip hurt.

That dude, Sebastian, who made a mock birthday invitation for me based on my favourites. I ended up with a Six Feet Under party - “Die 20er zu Grabe tragen”. With an all-you-can-eat ramen buffet and Bilderbuch as the live act.

Barcelona. It was so nice with our small group of students. The weather was ok-ish and all in all it felt pretty much like a normal vacation - thanks to Nicole’s good organisation and preparation. The best thing is that I’m going to get all the money back I advanced. Definitely gonna try and organise trips for next year, too!

Meeting José, a very handsome and funny guide at the Picasso museum. I transformed into a creepy stalker back at home and found him on FB, just to send him a message. You know, about the students thinking he was very nice and all. Ha. Alas, he has a girlfriend. But boy was he cute.

Meeting Carina from Montreal at the Barceloneta beach. I took care of her bag while she went in for a swim and afterwards we started talking. Before we said goodbye she made me draw an Angel Card out of a little cotton bag. It said Gratitude - apparently something I need to work on.

Watching the soap bubbles pop in the air. Lying at the beach instead of attending parent-teacher-conference.

Seeing the inside of Sagrada Familia for the first time. Those stained-glass windows are amazing. They create a very special mood of the light. Also, I found a small round window with my name on it.

That woman passionately kissing a man in a wheelchair in the middle of a Spanish airport. They were paying attention to nobody else, only seeing each other.

Discovering the natura store at the airport.

My new black suede handbag with pearls, sequins and embroidery. It looks like an abstract painting.

Charlotte Roche: Verlasst die Städte

Making tiny rainbows in the air with the garden hose.

How Do We Break the Stereotypes We’ve Created for Ourselves?

Drawing two protest signs for the Anti-PAG demonstration. Unfortuntately I had to explain the terms 1984 and Gilead to a whole lot of guys… geez, people should read more.

Manchego and Green Olive tortilla chips.

The last days with Effi Biest.

Grading English tests outside on the balcony.

My 30th birthday! Somehow I didn’t manage to throw a party and the Isar picnic is probably not gonna happen either but I still had a very special day. Nicole put balloons on my desk at school and gave me a lot of small presents which showed how much she listens to me (roasted corn, dark chocolate, a lemon - even the ‘art teacher necklace’ we saw at the Picasso gift shop in Barcelona; she made a student buy it without me noticing). Also, she made some students organise a scavenger hunt for me!! I got some chocolates from the kids, wore bright red lipstick and a new embroidered shirt dress. In the afternoon I sold my car. Finally. I didn’t get much but it’s gonna pay for my flight tickets in summer. Then I spent the evening with Manu - we had pizza and later shots at his place. Kind of a blind date but it was a good decision.

Being alone in a subway train.

Discovering the Beirut Beirut restaurant near Implerstraße. Sitting outside in the sunshine on a Friday afternoon, reading a book, enjoying Lebanese food and the beautiful surroundings.

Reading Manhattan Beach by Jennifer Egan. I loved the technical knowledge it gave me about diving and the castaways. Lately I’m super interested in old war stories and everything connected to the ocean or faraway places.

Arriving at BluLagoon after spending a whole day on planes. Our villa was amazing. Don’t let me get started on the view and the fact that there were hardly any guests at the time.

Listening to music on our terrace, dancing in a weird way (more like 80’s aerobic class).

Diving. I found my passion. I liked David, the diving instructor, very much (always hot for teacher) and apparently I’ve got a “talent” for diving, too (I mean, at least I don’t panic and have no problem with breathing under water). It was so interesting to learn about the tide, the animals, everything, you know? My first dive in the ocean was magical. It’s like a whole other planet down there. I even saw a dolphin on my very first day. Turtles, puffer fish (my favourite), an octopus.

Pookie the (racist) dog! (He doesn’t bark at Westerners, only Indonesians)

A small hike to White Sand Beach.

Finding out that I actually do like tempeh.

Going to Nusa Lembongan/Ceningan was an excellent idea. Diving there was amazing and I felt very happy around Anang, Simone and Pascal. The islands are beautiful - the waves and the cliffs, breathtaking. I also learned to ride a scooter! Driving over Yellow Bridge between the two islands was priceless. Going on the swings during low tide, Paradise Beach, discovering a popular warung by accident. Having Australians open our Bintang Radlers for us. Collecting corals at Mushroom Beach. Taking the speed boat back to Bali. What an adventure.

Swimming in an infinity pool under the full moon in front of a jungle scenery. That’s Ubud. Watching the little squirrels jumping from tree to tree while having breakfast on the balcony. Being lucky enough to be there during Galungan, a very important Balinese holiday. There were pejors lining the streets and people in traditional clothes on their way to their families and village temples. We met a driver while we were looking for the waterfalls. He took us to the Tegalalang Rice Terrace and answered all of our questions about Balinese culture like official languages, rooster fights or the school system. At the organic farm we saw Luwaks and tried different kinds of coffee. After we had said goodbye we took the Ridge Walk back into Ubud. On our way we ate some vegan coconut ice-cream, met a kitty and of course we found a swing, too. Swings are everywhere in Bali. I loved the one between Nusa Ceningan and Lembongan. And the one at the rice terrace even though you had to pay for it. In the evening we walked through Monkey Forest right before closing time - the animals were pretty relaxed because they had just gotten their dinner - and witnessed a gorgeous red sunset on our way home.

Our scooter trip to the Elephant Cave temple (I got such a calm, spiritual feeling in that cave - it must be such an awe-struck experience to sit in there alone in complete darkness for prayer or meditation) and Bali Bird Park. Eating at a Muslim restaurant because all the others were closed for Galungan. Weird chocolate and green tea shaved ice. And all those birds. I fell in love with the Kakadus. Such lovely little fellas. It was crazy expensive (for Balinese standards) but definitely worth it.

Starting our first night in Canggu at Moana with a plate of delicious fish appetizers. A friendly hosts and a very helpful Australian neighbour who supplied me with band-aids and skin antibiotic. Hipster-watching at Crate (we went there twice because their breakfast is in fact spectacular). Surfer-watching at the beach. Bintangs at sunset. Marvelling at the waves. Swimming all the way back to the shore after drifting far out with the tide without noticing (all the practice in the pool paid off). Discovering Gelato Secrets on our scooter trip to Tanah Lot. Daring to use the infamous Canggu shortcut - it was way more scary on foot than with the scooter. Our Vinyasa Flow yoga class and the Balinese full body massage at The Chillhouse. Cheap warungs with delicious food. I could be sad now but in fact I’ve already got tickets to Australia and Indonesia for August so there’s something to look forward to!

[musingsofaforlornsoul-blog]

Musings of a forlorn soul

Part 1: The Beach

The the first thing that I remember about the beach was the sudden gush of cool sea breeze hitting me in the face. The cold sand at my feet and the hundreds of shades of orange which painted the sky into a masterpiece were next in line to draw my attention. For a briefest of an instance, I was no longer a part of the world overburdened with responsibilities and rules but ushered into a heavenly part where those things meant nothing to anyone and the mesmerizing beauty embraced me into itself with open arms.

The froth made by the water was continuously covering my tracks as if to erase any blemish I was creating on its perfect beauty. My gaze fell onto a couple of kids laboring to build a sand castle by the water. With the innocence and the untainted smile on their faces, I was made to believe that building a strong castle was the purpose of their lives for now. Children have always made me wonder as to how these young souls find the happiness in the smallest things of life, a bar of chocolate or a simple prank on their parents are more than enough to make their day. On the other hand we as matured adults with everything we wish for in our hands, never seem to emulate the same happiness. The young builders had almost finished their work of art and looked up to the bystander as if to seek appreciation for their effort. I slowly bent down a picked up a small twig from the sand and placed it atop their castle to be the flag. The child’s face lit up and I witnessed unadulterated joy. Perhaps this is the reason people came up with the word “adulteration” as if to tell everyone that growing into an adult make everything worse than what it used to be. The children’s parents too had a smile on their faces sitting a few paces away observing their kids go about their task. Looking at the children, I felt a sense of exuberance and energy and another look at parents brought me back to the real world I reside in. The look of having to work hard every day for the rest of their lives to provide for their kids and a plethora of other problems which I cannot yet imagine surrounding them always. Yet, they had smiles on their face watching their children giggling around them playing in the sand. I figured, this is what being a parent must feel like, a hundred sacrifices meant nothing compared to the joy of witnessing the smiles on the face of the young ones.

I had proceeded to take only a few steps when I sighted a group of college boys, sitting in a circle with glasses in their hand, raising them for a toast. They seemed pretty excited when one of them took a sip from his glass after a lot of coaxing from everyone else in the group. That was his first sip of alcohol, I guessed. Quite surprisingly, the joy on the faces of these boys was not a whole lot different from the one I saw just a while back. Making sure that their friend had his first drink in good company was all they cared about at the moment, no worries about the future crossed their mind even for a fleeting second. They had a new found lease of freedom and were making use of it the best way possible. It brought a smile to my face as well. Life perhaps was meant to be lived with the same devil may care philosophy of these boys. But let us not kid ourselves, we all know few years down, these same boys would be the ones wearing boring formal clothes to a job they loathe and the carefree laughter I saw today on this beach may never return again. However, at this moment they have everything they need and definitely feel like the kings of the world.

By now I had moved into the secluded areas of the beach, away from all the hustle. The only sound my ears picked up were the sound of the waves lashing into each other and those of the seagulls flying high above my head. The sun had begun to set and the sky had transformed into a hue of magnificent orange, purple and shades of a hundred other colors, together they looked like heavenly creation painted on the sky by God himself. The breeze had picked up which made it difficult for me to light my cigarette. After what seemed like an eternity of failed attempts, I finally managed to light one and headed to towards the hedges and swinging coconut trees which lined the entire beach. My sighted rested on a young couple cozily nestled among the trees with their heads on each other’s shoulders. This is where they had come to love each other, away from the prying eyes of the society and everyone else who view their love as a sin and would do anything to keep them apart. But here they were, away from all the world just to be in each other arms and for a few stolen kisses. The trees arching over them, as if to form a cocoon for the soulmates, to protect them from everything that has ruined true love in this world. Love, just like anger or happiness is basic human emotion, which cares about nothing, not caste, not religion, not the paycheck you take home every month and not even gender. Love is pure, just like the conscience of a newborn child, love is harmless and above all love is satisfaction. A satisfaction so great that lovers are willing to risk everything just to steal a few precious moments with their partners. The young girl and boy on the beach had probably told numerous lies to many people in their lives just to be here at this moment with each other. To me, that is completely alright, because our society has never understood love and probably never will. Simply acts of love like holding each other's hands are frowned upon while kissing in public is illegal by law at almost all places. Nobody questions these obscure and frankly stupid norms of society which are taking away a fundamental characteristic of human beings-the ability to show affection towards another human being. Love cannot be confined or restricted, no matter the number of shackles one may put on it will manage to seep out and blossom into something beautiful. Just like it did for the couple in front of me. I did not proceed any further towards the bushes, as it would ruin the privacy, they so sorely deserve.

I turned back to the water an started walking along the edge of the waves coming in. A few meters further, I realized that my legs could not carry me any further, the three pegs of whiskey I had before I embarked upon this walk was starting to have its effect now and my legs complained of the excessive effort being put on them. I sat down on the sand just out of reach from the waves as if to mock them and started blowing puffs of smoke into the air. That is when I saw her coming towards me, walking in the water with drops of it covering her milky white thighs glistening in the rays of the setting sun as if they were pearls covering her legs. She had an ear to ear grin on her face upon seeing me. While I went into a deep trance by her beauty. It was her smile, the smile which had hooked me on, the luscious lips with a hint of red lipstick, perfect white teeth and overall the effect it had on her beautiful face. Her smile was a perfect addition to everything beautiful around me, the setting sun, the colors in the sky, the breeze blowing into my face, the cold sand, everything just seemed to fall into place just by her presence. She came towards me intentionally splashing a lot of water and sat down beside me.“What took you so long?” She enquired with her eyes fixed on the sky as she took the remaining cigarette from my hand and took a long hard puff. “Nothing, I was just wondering how beautiful this beach is.” Which was an outright lie. The beach, the sun, the sky, the trees were not even half as beautiful as the girl sitting beside me right now. She leaned on my shoulder with eyes still fixed on the sea and the sky. I turned my face to have a look at her once again. She sensed my gaze on her, looked up and smiled at me. We kissed in the dying sunlight, the sea breeze, the trees, the sand and the entire universe looking at us. I do not know whether it is a dream or not, but I no longer care. I have heard people preaching about heaven and about how beautiful it is there, I did not care about that anymore. I am already in heaven at this moment, with a very beautiful woman in my arms at a very beautiful beach.