#my own working knowledge is really damn rough so

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

𝐀𝐬𝐡𝐞𝐬 𝐎𝐟 𝐄𝐝𝐞𝐧

didn't really wanna write this in the first place, considering my faith, but ugh it was too good of an idea to resist😅

Summary: Aemond was always God's favorite creation, that is, until He made you.

Warnings: SMUT (MINORS DNI), ROUGH NONCON, Lucifer!Aemond x Eve!Reader (does this count as monster fucking?), a whole lotta blasphemy going on here, guilt, degradation, humiliation, corruption, taste of the forbidden fruit (aka oral, m!receiving), painful loss of virginity, blood, creampie, Aemond is very very mean

word count | 2.4k🤙🏻

As soon as Aemond was created, he knew he was made for greatness.

Aemond was the most beautiful out of all of the angels, the most beloved and cherished. God put a lot of effort into sculpting him out of the finest materials, making him appear ethereal, almost as much as Him. It shouldn’t have been much of a shock when some of the angels preferred his company to God’s, telling him how much better he could run things, what things he could achieve if the Creator simply…ceased to exist.

Aemond tried, and Aemond failed, forcing God’s hand to banish him and his fallen angels from paradise, making Aemond lose his eye in the process. He refused to bow down and blindly obey what claimed to be a superior being than everything else, and he was thrown into Hell for wanting his own independence.

Aemond grew bitter and angry, what kind of Father did that to his beloved creation? 

He vowed from then on that he’d try to spurn his Creator at every moment he could, devoting himself to make God have a perpetual headache as revenge. He’d destroy anything and everything He loved and wanted to protect, burn Heaven’s gates to the fucking ground. 

So when Aemond saw God had made such fragile little toys to roam what he called Earth, he took every opportunity to maim and kill each creature. But that only made God create beings that could take care of said creatures.

Aemond and his demons could only laugh at the smooth skinned being that God created out of dust. Dust, he thought derisively, how inferior this so-called human is compared to me to be made out of something so quaint.

Aemond attempted to push all sorts of dangerous thoughts into the human’s head, wanting the man to destroy and self-destruct, but all he managed to get through was the feeling of loneliness.

Then, in response to the human man’s loneliness, God created a similar being to keep this human company; you, whose beauty almost matched Aemond’s, and he suddenly came to the realization that he wasn’t God’s favorite anymore.

God didn’t walk with Adam as much as he did with you, little Eve, doting on you and granting you whatever you wished without you even having to ask. No, no, no, this won’t do, Aemond thought maliciously, only he could be God’s favorite. No…Aemond had to ruin you.

Watching you and Adam live in blissful ignorance, speaking and being in the presence of the Lord, boiled his blood, hotter than he had ever felt before. But one silver lining, the Tree of Knowledge.

God told you and Adam that you could eat from any tree or plant you wished, just never the Tree of Knowledge for you would surely die. Aemond smirked to himself as he devised his plan. He would make damn sure one of you would eat the forbidden fruit.

Aemond came to you when you were by yourself, disguising himself in the appearance of a serpent, the only form he could take in your presence, which irked him, but he’d make do.

You eyed the serpent carefully, watching as it slithered across the grass towards you, seemingly just watching you as you worked in the garden…until it started to speak.

“Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?” The serpent spoke.

“We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden, but the Lord God did say, you must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.” You answered hesitantly, still very confused why a snake was speaking to you like it was a man. But a part of you were intrigued, his voice was soft and alluring; entranced, you had to listen to what it had to say.

The serpent seemed to scoff. “Surely you will not die.” The serpent climbed up the tree, taking a bite from the lowest hanging fruit, a loud gasp eliciting from your own lips as you saw the being swallow and didn’t immediately fall dead. “See? Who is He to tell you what you can and can’t do, hm? Aren’t you supposed to be free?”

A sinking feeling formed in the pit of your stomach, feelings of rage and betrayal encompassing you. “I-I…I am free! You have forgotten your place, beast!” You snapped, “The Lord God loves us and wants the best for us. He must have a reason!”

“You think everything is perfect, silly girl?” The serpent giggled, circling around you like the predator he was, eyeing your naked form, finding a reluctant feeling of gratefulness that God chose your features so well. “There’s so much wonder here right in front of your eyes, all you have to do is simply take a bite of the fruit.”

You shook your head defiantly. “No. He said we’d die. Why would He lie?”

“Because, if you eat from the tree, your eyes will be opened for what the world really is. You’ll understand right from wrong. You will be like Him. Consider, for just a second, if God truly loved you, He wouldn’t keep all this knowledge from you, right? Why would He keep something so simple from someone so innocent? Maybe He wants it all for Himself because He doesn’t think you deserve to feel all the joys He feels, that you’ll never feel. Ask yourself, why does He give you less when He takes more? How being free is being locked inside this place? Maybe you're weak or a mistake or too emotional. Maybe you're not good enough for His world, maybe you never were…”

Aemond could see the hesitance slowly leave your face, finally considering what he was saying to be the truth. Yes, little Eve, eat. “He’ll never know, sweet little lamb. I’ll never tell, you have my word. You deserve to know, you deserve to be free.”

The serpent’s poisonous words penetrated into your mind, making your mouth water from just the thought of finally eating from the forbidden tree. You had to admit, the tree was pleasant to the eye, the fruit it bore looked so delectable, like water on a hot day, maybe it would have always come to this? If not now, then definitely later.

You picked the same piece of fruit the serpent had bit into before, the skin of the fruit so soft and ripe, you were practically drooling as you brought it to your lips, taking a considerable bite.

As soon as the sweet yet bitter flavor hit your tongue, it felt like all the walls came down and the heavens opened. It was the best thing you had ever tasted in your life, the taste almost making you moan aloud. And you weren’t dead, in fact, you had never felt more alive. But your skin prickled at the breeze hitting your skin, and you realized you were naked. How long have you been naked? And the serpent was no longer with you, instead, a tall figure stood in front of you now, transformed as soon as the fruit traveled down your throat.

Unlike the serpent, the being in front of you was too beautiful to be any sort of beast, or human for that matter. You teared up instantly, the sight being too amazing for your human mind to comprehend. “Who…who…?” Was all you could get out.

“I am called many names, little lamb. Lucifer, Satan, Devil, Father of Lies, and much more…but you may call me Aemond.”

Your stomach dropped, the fruit sitting in your stomach like a heavy stone, burning from the inside out; you wanted to vomit. What have you done? You almost screamed when he grabbed you by your hips and pulled you close to him, your chest touching his, your breasts pressed uncomfortably against the leather of his clothing.

“You just had to give into temptation, didn’t you? You just had to taste it.” The Devil disapproved mockingly, an evil grin decorating his face, making his visage all the more menacing.

“You…you deceived me!” You sobbed, “You lied! You-!”

“Ah, ah, ah, can’t claim yourself to be innocent now, little girl. Now, the trust is broken. How will your God ever love you now?” He purred, licking up your free flowing tears from your cheeks and moaning at the salty taste. You tried to pull away, but he was too strong, holding your head in place, his fingers digging into your skin, once never blemished nor tainted now marked by the beast. “Shh, it’s okay. Don’t cry. Besides, I’ve got something else for you to taste.”

You begged for him to stop as he forced you on your knees, the grassy floor that once felt so soft now cutting up your flesh, itching and burning. “Please, don’t do this to me!”

Aemond only snickered, “Poor girl, you have no idea how evil this world really is, huh? This is just a taste of what’s to come. Be grateful this is all I want…for now.” Aemond forced your mouth open, squeezing your cheeks together and forcing his fingers into your mouth, choking you until he replaced them with his cock. “Ah, such a sweet, innocent, unused mouth. Adam never made you do this, hm?”

You couldn’t force back your tears, copiously flowing down your cheeks along with the drool on your chin. The head of his cock kept hitting the back of your throat over and over, you gagged and almost vomited until he gave you a breather, pulling back and looking over your tear stained face with a sickening awe. “So pretty…prettier than me, I must admit.” His eyes darkened in jealousy. “That bastard can’t possibly love you more than me once I’m finished with you.”

In one swift movement, Aemond had you on all fours, shoving your face into the ground, dirt and grass covering the side of your face uncomfortably. You screamed as he shoved his cock inside you in one thrust, filling and stretching you almost impossibly wide. The pain had your ears ringing and vision going white, sweat beading out of every pore in your skin as he forced you to take all of him. “Fuck, so tight. Did Adam never take you to bed? I figured as much, such prudish creatures. Don’t worry, my sweet little lamb, I’ll break you in for him.”

As if you thought the pain couldn’t get any worse, his brutal thrusts had you sobbing, the amount of tears you shed causing the soil to turn into mud beneath you, grass getting underneath your fingernails with how hard you were holding on to keep yourself from passing out. “S-Stop, please, mercy!” You begged.

“Mercy?” He growled. “I’ve begged for mercy too many times to count, I never received any. Neither shall you. Now shut up and take my cock like a good little lamb.”

“God…please…make this end…” You whispered into the ground, only to get a mocking laugh in return.

“He can’t save you now.”

Aemond’s thrusts were wild, trying to make it as painful for you as possible, watching your blood drip down your inner thighs and making a little puddle on the ground, staining the grass. But along with the blood, an almost white fluid made a ring around the base of his cock. “Oh, starting to enjoy this now, are you?” He grinned evilly, gripping your hair to pull you back against his chest, his other hand reaching around to hold your neck.

As much as you hated to admit it, yes. The pain slowly went away, all that was left was an achy pressure in the pit of your stomach, a burning that seemed to grow in intensity with every harsh thrust he made. “S-Stop…”

Aemond hummed in disapproval. “Why do you resist the pleasure you feel? Give in to sin and you can have anything you want in the world.”

“No…” You said to yourself. “No!”

Aemond chuckled. “So defiant, I like that. Makes it more fun to break you.”

You gasped as Aemond reached down to rub circles around a spot you didn’t even know existed, the sensation overwhelming but you didn’t want it to stop, though you’d never admit this. It made the pressure in your stomach only grow faster, moans escaping you and getting louder the more he touched you. “What’s happening?” You cried, panicking.

“You’re about to reach your peak, little lamb. You’re about to feel one of the most pleasurable of sins, and all because of me.”

“No, stop! Don’t make me, please!” 

But it was too late, you reached the point of no return. It felt like you were going to die, the feeling was so intense, your whole body convulsing and spasming around Aemond’s cock. And with it, a dark feeling overtaking you. 

You groaned loudly, an almost growling noise, as you reached your peak, your eyes rolling to the back of your head, only to come back as black voids. There was no white in your eyes nor color, just darkness. Your fingernails pushed out, being replaced with claws. Your canines fell out, being replaced with fangs. A brutal ache in your skull had you crying out, blood dripping down your face as a horn on either side of your head grew from beneath your skin.

“Yes, dark little lamb, give in to me.” Aemond cooed, and for the first time, you listened to him.

Aemond flipped you onto your back, looking down at you in a mocking admiration, grinning as your skin grayed and veins went red, beginning to resemble one of his demons.

He was taken by surprise as you flipped him onto his back with a shocking amount of power, shoving his cock back inside you and began to ride him violently. “There she is, there’s my fallen angel.” He groaned as his cock began to pulse, your walls squeezing him just right as you made yourself come around him as many times as you could, the feeling addicting to you now. “Fuck, do you want my seed, little Eve?”

“Don’t call me that.” You growled, scratching up his chest with your new claws, drawing copious amounts of blood, your now forked tongue lapping up the red fluid. The added pain made Aemond reach his peak quickly, his cum filling you to the brim. With one more cry, you sprouted dark wings, fluttering softly but just enough it brought you to your feet. 

Aemond stood up with a grin, watching as his cum dripped down your shaky legs, mixing with your blood. “You’re mine now, understand?”

“Yes, Master.”

“Hm, now what shall I call you, if not Eve?” You pondered his question for a brief moment, before ultimately deciding your new name and your new fate.

“Lilith.”

hey y'all, thought i'd post a little something something for Valentine's Day. I wrote the first half of this months ago and then i got a boyfriend and stopped writing but i really liked this idea and decided to finish it. Hope you enjoyed!

[sparkly-sediment]

Tf2 Mediscout headcanons pt 1

This was requested! If you have any little tf2 desires, my asks are open, as are fanfic commissions! Feel free to dm

Personally this ship awakens a beast within if you catch my drift

It started off just like the others. No jarring attraction, no electricity, no 😩🫦💦. Just two dudes who are now very weird coworkers

Medic def has a type and Scouts fit the bill. Skinny lanky boy toy! During various experiments and totally inconspicuous injections (he told Scout it was penicillin) he notes the slender frame and the lean muscles but he is a professional after all

Scout, however, is not

He’s initially unnerved by Medic and attributes it to the threatening, could-vivisect-you aura, but the tightness in his chest when Medic comes too close or Scout catches a hint of his french cologne isn’tfear

They work fairly separately for a while. Yes, they live together, but they also live in a chaotic team of nine with very different jobs. Their conversations aren’t close like Medic and Heavy or Scout and Sniper

Different peers groups yk? And with the age gap, Scout isn’t exactly knowledgeable in whatever the fuck old people talk about

Scout isn’t a little bitch. He got his ass beat as a kid, so he could handle a bloody nose or split lip, and going to the med bay means close contact with a man who makes him feel funny (like, more than any chick ever had), so Scout keeps out

Medic doesn’t like that. Medic usually corrals someone onto the operating table, and Scout becomes his main target. The others don’t mind since they aren’t being sliced up but there are a few comments between Engineer and Heavy about it

They aren’t uncomfortable, but they notice. No one had made it weird so Engie wasn’t about to do so and neither was Heavy. They just notice an uptick of scout/medic conversations, the two bumping into each other a bit more, and the brutality of experiments on Scout decreasing

They’re highkey jealous LMAO who knew the doctor wouldn’t hurt you if he thought you were hot

Medic starts insisting Scout come in the med bay more. That doesn’t last long, because Scout quickly starts going on his own will

“I uh, need a bandaid” absolutely bitchless and unsure of himself it is pitiful! Medic finds it endearing

By this point Scout is aware he finds Medic attractive but is repressing the shit out of it. Internalized homophobia, tragically.

The way Medic towers over him, with his broad stature completely enveloping Scout haunts the runner and Scout starts having some silly little thoughts he just can’t control

During fights with BLU, he watches Medic haul the medigun and really starts spamming E ifykyk

What if Medic was rough with him? What if Medic held him down, or pinned him against the wall? Scout can’t help the images that pop into his head despite his best efforts, and he really can’t help the flush his skin takes when Medic touched him or speaks in a low tone

Scout is folded like a five dollar lawn chair and foolishly thinks he’s hiding it well

Medic knows and is toying with Scout like a cat. Bats at the mouse, holds his leg a little too long after looking at Scout’s ankle. He backs off and acts like there’s nothing tense about leaning over Scout for something on the counter

Medic is surprisingly chill if he’s in his element. Find him in the med bay, cleaning or tinkering with something fleshy, and he is really just vibing. If you’re Scout sitting on the counter watching, then Medics dropping knowledge of the human body

Medic exercising his intelligence sends Scout into heat highkey. Boy has no idea what the fuck he’s talking about but damn those hands that accent the big words!! He is desperate!!

Apologies for the set up rather than active relationship head canons. I’ll post some getting together, fluffy, and maybe nsfw headcanons for this pair!! Didn’t want a too long post and am tbh exhausted 😜

[artistdove]

For any curious on my aus, here's some basic lore.

Between the Screen Au

Basic info: Rewrite of the Epic Mickey games with darker themes and slight cast changes. I.e. Fanny is temporary leader while Oz guards Mickey Junk Mt, loads of really old designs for most of the toons, etc.

Summary: Mickey sneaks into a closed off studio room within Yen Sid's lair. Intrigued by the mystical looking paint brush, he begins to paint himself only for it to distort and attack him. With a sponge and thinner, he tries to wipe away his creation. He leaves the room believing he erased the creature. He was wrong as little did he know that his action lead to the downfall of an entire world. Years past and Mickey raises to fame. One night he is swept away into a place toons of ages past dwell. Can he fix his mistakes and mend a relationship that could have been? Who knows.

Epic Mickey : Tale of 2 Brothers

Basic Info: Another au that rewrites Epic Mickey, but brings back the old concepts and story where Ozzy is an anti-hero and Mickey can go feral.

Summary: Oswald is the humble king of Wasteland that works hard to give everything he's got to forgotten toons. However, his obsession for admiration and justice lead him to take drastic measures. An alliance between the Mad Doctor and an inky beast called the Blot leads them to seek revenge on the toon responsible for their circumstances. Mickey is dragged into Wasteland and adventures the land in hopes of returning back home. Both brothers will have to make the right decisions for this story to end well.

Rising Star

Basic Info: Somewhat parody of Walt's rise to fame. Toons and humans co-exist. Various old toons appear like Felix, Gerdy, Flip, etc. Look is like Roger rabbit. Follows from like the 1920s to modern day.

Summary: Michael and Oswald love their little rural life, but yearned for bigger dreams. Oswald eventually builds enough income to head out to California to make it big. He gets noticed for his talent and charm by a director and becomes a star. A year passes and Michael later joins in his brother's footstep to be a star. Both learn that making it big isn't all glitz and glam.

Toons & Dungeons

Basic Info: D&D inspired universe. Mainly focuses on the Disney Brothers, but other toons will appear. Story is very rough as this is an old au that changed from an RPG based idea to D&D, which I have little knowledge off.

Summary: Orphans Mick and Ozzy were inseparable as they roamed the streets of Fantasia. A run in with the Blox lead the two to be separated. Oswald was cursed to never be remembered by his loved ones after escaping from the Blox. He takes refuge with people called Gremlins who raise him as one of their own. The only thing he wants is to lift this curse and re-unite with his brother. Mickey is a traveling bard on a quest to find something he's lost. The only clue he's got is someone important to him, a brother? A friend? If only he could remember what his name was or what he looked like.

Ink & Mirrors

Basic Info: An old Bendy and the Ink machine au that's been slightly revamped. Main cast is Epic Mickey, Bendy cast, Cuphead cast, and Felix cast alongside cameos of other toons or ocs. Most lore is based on the first game with little humans in it, basically really early days of Bendy theories. It has a parallel story, but it is mostly the same in how it would go.

Summary: Bendy has been trapped in this crummy studio for years and envies the toons that are more beloved them him. He already dealt with his damn creator, so why not have some good cartoon fun? Toons have been going missing and mysterious letters appear to some that ask them to visit an old studio. Some visit or stumble into it after encounter strange black ink. Little do these toons know that this place was never suppose to be found.

Toon High

Basic Info: An old High school au. Walt High, Universal High, and Warner High. Not much else to go on, it's just school. Various toons can appear, but again this focuses on Disney mainly. Story is never gonna be concrete and barely used. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Summary: Mickey and Oswald have had a rocky relationship ever Mickey came into the family. One was joyous to have an older brother while the other was indifferent. Oswald is transferred to Walt High after Universal High doesn't work out. Mickey is happy be going to high school with his big brother, but his brother would rather be anywhere else. Maybe the two can finally work out their differences.

Magic Island

Basic Info: Animal crossing

Summary: Elias finds out that a new island get-away is being opened by Tom Nook. Him and his brother Clover travel to the island for a change of view and potential new home. New friends and a hard-working leader are what welcomes the brothers to their new home.

Local Toons

Basic Info: Everyone's a kid. Minor angst as this is more like slice of life. Style is black and white.

Summary: The Disney brothers love their rural life and love to help around the town. Various shenanigans ensue and new friends come and go.

P.D. Toons (Public Domain Toons)

Basic Info: Public domain toons that I made my own. Their origins are still there but nothing like the originals. Every toon has a new name. I.e. Willy = Mickey, Oliver = Oswald, etc. These are just for fun so not much lore.

Summary: Slice of life like stories or illustrations. Nothing big.

[1427]

dirge

Boyd Crowder X OFC (Beatle)

Setting: in the WoOoOods (Justified Season 1, with Boyd’s militia)

Summary: Boyd is sick of being full of shit. When one of the recruits for his new flock seems to see him for who he really is, he decides it might not be so bad to let her.

Word count: 5.5k

Warnings: CHARACTER DEATH, Boyd Crowder is Boyd Crowder, mentions of white nationalism, mentions of methamphetamine, religious imagery and references, mentions of militias, cults, and Boyd comparing himself to Christ (see above). NSFW WARNINGS; poooooooorly written smut, somno, rough fucking, unprotected piv, references to oral, jerking off, mentions of religion being used in sexual roleplay. mentions of other truly questionable roleplay scenarios, free-use dynamics

A/n: I started watching Justified a few days ago and Boyd Crowder really is one of the characters of all time, isn't he? Beatle is my OC who likes speed and sometimes sells it and sometimes strips but I obviously couldn't stop thinking about what would happen if Beatle had been in one of those trailers he’d held looking for people to follow his cause. Especially since she's just absolutely fucking dazzled by charm and confidence and she'd love him in a way he'd probably never been loved before. Couldn't not write it & I broke my own heart.

Inb4 I disappear for 3 months again

18+ mdni 

✞

Boyd didn't think his daddy would hang her up there with the rest of them. 

She was special, didn't he know that? Couldn't he tell? 

Her hair’s never smelled like gunpowder before. It's more a feeling than a smell, and it stings but he's grateful that it hurts. He deserves it. 

Boyd didn't think his daddy would do any of this. But he wasn't thinking, was he? He should have seen it coming, should have known. Not ‘should have’ in the way that hindsight is 20/20 and you can make wanton wishes about the past; no Boyd should have because he does know better. He's smarter than to let something like this happen.

✞

When he got out of prison he knew he was full of shit. Same shit he'd always been full of. He figures it ain't really like lyin’ so much if everyone knows you're never showing your real face. Talking is more like a game. Trying to spit the words out around the secret biting between his teeth. Secrets? He figures he's allowed to have those. Like what his intentions might have really been when he'd started recruiting junkies to be saved. Be his flock. 

Different vocabulary, same game, same moves, same outcome. 

Boyd did think that there would be a different outcome this time. Everyone always ends up dead, but how could that happen this time? He knows that putting a gun to someone's head and mocking them into sobriety ain't exactly safe and its definitely not legal but it's what works. Who could rightly question his methodologies if he was getting such socially acceptable results? 

The point (as the point of things usually is for Boyd) is that there are enough qualifiers for him to feign confusion and innocence at any question of his motivations. Like he was so damn good at. Boyd had a reply for anything. A defense for everything he'd ever done. Everything he'd ever do. Else he wouldn't be caught doing it. 

This time was easier. This time actually felt like it could be something more. That even though he was using his knowledge of the human condition, and its drive to follow a strong and confident leader, that this time he was doing it for something good at least.

How could getting rid of meth in Harlan county be bad? Boyd asks himself that a lot these days. Whenever he starts wondering how full of shit he is again. And he tells himself it doesn't matter if he's lying about every damn thing, even to himself, if he's getting people clean and following the Lord. 

He doesn't feel that guilty, though. Not enough to really do anything different. His flock is his flock, and when he talks about God he makes sure to word it just right. So they hear it and they think of him. Boyd’s teachings are their gospels, and sometimes Boyd quotes scripture so he can call on God like he's name-dropping a celebrity. It's what works. It's what always worked.

If you’re good at saying the right thing to the right person you can get just about anything you want. If you're good at finding the perfect time to say it, you can keep it. Gettin’ stuff is no good if you can't keep it. That's what all these Dixie boys always got wrong about business. Hell, what everyone got wrong about everything - getting people to just give you what you want always feels so much better than taking it. Usually ends better to.

Before prison, for most of his life, it was skin-heads. He'd already known the slurs and the on-the-surface racial epithets from growing up but it only took a few weekends at the library and a couple eavesdropped Klan meetings to understand what these men were searching for. Only took a few well timed bible verses and an encouraging nod or two to get them to listen. The hardest thing of the whole operation was keeping them from being stupid when he wasn't around.

“Can't plan for everything.” “Sometimes shit just happens.” and “It is what it is.” Are just some bullshit excuses people tell themselves. Because Boyd knows that anything can be planned for. It's just a matter of looking. It's just a matter of knowing. He knows that you don't enter a room without knowing there's an exit and that you don't open your mouth unless you know exactly what could be said back to you. 

Boyd knows how to get what he wants.

But since he's been out of prison he doesn't know what the fuck he wants. So he does what he always does but this time it's with words like shepherd, divine calling, and manifesting righteous love. It feels nice to be leading through positive affirmations instead of bigotry. If only because Boyd really resented how objectively moronic white supremacy was - anything ‘supremacy’ was a fucking joke. And those boys in the brotherhood thinking they were God's gift to the genepool? Hard not to see it when you're lookin’, how ridiculous the whole damn thing is.

That's why it didn't feel all that bad talking down to them. Manipulating them into whatever the fuck he felt like. Boyd wonders about it when he feels this tugging in his gut sometimes when he talks to his flock. It doesn't bother him enough to stop, but just enough to wonder why he hadn’t felt it before.

Maybe it's because she's watching and she knows he's full of shit. 

That doesn't usually make any difference to Boyd and his ability to believably speak lies but every time he meets her eyes he feels like she can see his soul, the things behind what he's saying, and it makes him want to stop. Like he's embarrassed. Just a little. Just barely. It's so foreign to Boyd that if he didn't know just about every physical tell a person's body could have, he wouldn't have been able to place it. 

If Boyd had to find the words to explain it he might have said it felt like he wanted her to see him. That his body and his mind have, as most humans have, the desire to be vulnerable with another human being. That he was meeting something in her that his inner self craved. These were words he'd use. But actually feeling them was harder. His list of wants in life is small and it's been the same things for as long as he's been playing snake in the grass. She's not on it. She never was before. 

✞

She isn't anymore. 

For a few weeks, Boyd let himself have something he didn't think he was allowed. Something he'd told himself he didn't deserve. 

He wonders now if he was full of shit that whole time too. If letting her hold him and kiss him and fall in love with who he really was - if he wasn't just doing it to see if he could.

Her hair never burned his nostrils before.

It's not meant to do that. 

Kissing her forehead never tasted like blood either.  Maybe it should have. Maybe if he'd tasted blood the first time he'd kissed her none of this would have happened. 

Boyd doesn't understand how his daddy couldn't tell she was special. Not when he’d seen it the second she opened her mouth down the barrel of his own gun. Boyd knows she didn't go quiet and he knows if she could open her mouth and talk right now her throat would be sore and raw and ruined. 

He tries not think about how he couldn't hear her. He’s not sure if he wishes he had. 

✞

Beatle didn't get it at first but it didn't take her long. Faster than he'd expected. And maybe if he'd met her on a college campus he wouldn't have been so impressed with her. But what was Boyd ever gonna be doing on a college campus? No, as far as he was concerned it was like lookin’ at himself. 

Almost.

She didn't want the same things, and that didn't lead her to be the same type of person Boyd was. But it didn't stop him from seeing himself in her. All her big words and sweet banter. Even with a damn gun to her head she knew how to be cool. He thought he might be in love with her. 

She'd told him later that it was because she'd seen the way he'd looked at her and knew he wasn't going to shoot her. He told her he still would have shot her if she didn't agree to quit using. She tells him she loves him for the first time. 

It had only been a few days since that had happened, them meeting, and after she’d said it she tried to explain it away. It's the first time he sees her not being so cool. It’s the first time he sees the potential for something more.

Not because she'd slipped up and been vulnerable or given him something to use against her. No, it was the feeling in his chest when she'd professed such genuine admiration for what would generally be considered something he should have kept to himself.

The quiet part he's gotten so good at not saying out loud. The secret between his teeth. She can see it.

✞

Days go by and he's certain she can see it. The way Raylan can see some of it. She starts calling him ‘the prince' around camp and she thinks he doesn't understand why. No one else does, and he supposes that's probably why he's letting her get away with it. He's amused by it. By her. Always saying something that ends up surprising him. 

Just some gaunt addict he found in a shitty trailer in children's pajamas, but she's making observations about him in comparison to Italian philosophy. She can't keep herself from pointing out when he ‘mistakenly’ attributes some quote from a book or movie to himself instead. She uses words he doesn't know.

Those aren't the things that impress Boyd. What catches his attention is that she never uses the words like manipulate or Machiavelli or cult. If she ever does call him out on some misattributed quote she won't call him a liar, and she won't do it in earshot of anyone else. And when she uses her big girl words she looks at him like she's teasing him instead of trying to impress him. She knows when he's wrong about the obscure ass Bible stories too and he has no idea how she knows this shit. 

Going out of her way to call him on being full of shit - without ever actually saying it at all.

She's good. She keeps being better at it than he'd thought someone could be. Someone like her. Someone who wasn't really anyone.

Maybe that's why Boyd felt like he could let her in on it. Just a little bit. Because she could see it and he knew she could and she never called him a liar or a bastard or a psycho or anything like that. She didn't even try to leave. If anything, she seemed charmed by it. 

He didn't think too much about how it might feel to let someone in like that. What it could be like to show your real face and still be wanted. 

✞

Their first kiss doesn't taste anything like blood. 

It tasted like tobacco and dirt and her.

She'd been trying to figure a way to sleep closer to him during the nights. Boyd figures this out after she finally ‘confesses’ that she hasn't been sleeping well,  she's ‘scared of the dark’.

He asks her how long it took her to come up with that bullshit.

She says two days.

He asks why she didn't come up with something better and can't argue when she says there really wasn't anything that didn't sound obvious.

It takes about an hour for her to be pressed up against him. They'd started with their sleeping bags a few feet away from each other, but as they talk the distance gets smaller. Boyd isn't sure if it's her or him that's moving in. Isn't he supposed to pay attention to stuff like that? Shouldn't he be at least a little aware of what she says and what she doesn't say and how she's moving and speaking and staring? 

He's in the middle of a story about one of the banks, talking at her about some really ‘cool’ shit he'd said and never gotten to tell anyone (he never thought he'd wanted to) - and without a word she unzips her sleeping bag, unzips his sleeping bag, and rearranges. Making enough room for her to fit right up against him.

And she does.

Boyd keeps talking the whole time. Finishing his story. She listens, and replies, and neither one of them comment on what she's doing. Neither one of them say anything when she's nestled up against him.

He thinks it through… what to do in this situation. What outcome did he want? His dick is hard but it's not aching. He could sleep. He figures making her wait won't hurt his chances if he decides he wants them. 

So he tells her politely goodnight and he's surprised when she doesn't protest. 

Beatle rolls over and he pulls her close. No harm in being close. Really there was no harm in fucking her either, but it didn't feel like the right moment. Everything has its right moment.

He keeps thinking about fucking her and once again he isn't sure who started moving first but he's pulling her over his cock like her body was his to move how he wanted. It was definitely her who started it, he reasons, arching her back into him and wiggling around - but he could've dealt with it. Could've told her to stop, told her no, told her anything that he knew would shut her down.  But just as he was about to say something she turned her head to look back at him. 

She didn't twist her neck and meet his gaze romantically - pressing her hips delicately into his. No, she folded her body at her hips, completely arching herself against him, looking back and up at him like he was already fucking inside of her.

Boyd knows that when he grabs her hips hard enough to bruise her that she likes it that way. Even if she didn't say all the obvious shit that made him know. 

He's not gonna fuck her. Not tonight. But he uses her body to cum and he doesn't feel bad because he's never felt bad about something human like that. And anyway, she liked it. He knows because he can smell how wet her cunt is. He knows because she was a shaking mess, moaning at just the feeling of dull pressure. He knows because she begged him to cum. 

She begged him to cum instead of begging him to fuck her and Boyd thinks he might be in love again.

She turns around and kisses him and her face has dirt on it from where he'd pressed her head into the ground but he likes the way it tastes on her. 

She kisses like an apology. A real one. One that comes from your whole fucking soul because you never felt anything more. Trying to connect. Fully. Deeply. 

Tuggin’ on heart strings is a saying he's always heard and it always made sense until now when he actually feels it for the first time. Boyd, who's so keen on behavior and mannerisms and what was gonna happen next, feels everything she has.

He's been here before with women. Some of them were different but if he was honest most of them were the same. A sigh here, a disgusted look there. Knowing how a woman feels about you might be the easiest observation a man could make.

So Boyd was expecting what he'd gotten from her when he was grinding into her. All shaking and whimpering and he'd probably either have to take the lead or stop it - either was okay by him depending on what he felt like.

But she's someone else. Again. With one leg hooked around him and her hands around the back of his neck and in his hair - she takes his mouth with hers like she's evangelizing. Pushing everything she has into him and he can feel it. More than a physical something. More than her fingers pressing into the pulse at his neck. More than his cock getting hard again and this time it settles right between them.

He finally breaks the kiss only to ask her if she knows he can feel her clit every time it quivers against him. He only asks because he wants to feel it again.

Boyd’s good at talking. Beatle loves it. 

He asks her so many filthy things. Things he'd never got away with asking someone else. Boyd knows there's not much you can't get away with saying with a whisper and a southern accent, but this… this was new even for him.

He wasn't sure what came over him. Why he needed her to know that he's been pretty sure he can tell when she's thinking about giving him head. About the glazed over look in her eye and how her mouth hangs open a little wider than she probably thinks it does when she's staring.

Or why he has to tell her that his cock was hard the whole time he had his gun on her the first night they met.

And he's not going to fuck her but he sucks on her tits like they've been eucharized. He can't stop talking because he can't get enough of every little fucking reaction.

Boyd figures out what it is when he's in the middle of telling her about how he knows her pussy is pretty and pink and the same color as her lips and how, he knows it's bad, but sometimes when she's talking to him all he can think about is what his cock would look like pressed up against her teeth -�� Beatle's body seizes on him a little bit different than it had been seizing before; and it all just clicks.

Getting a reaction from her was like breathing. Nothing in his life had ever come so easy. Or so fun. 

She was letting him play with her. 

All his silly little mind games everyone else hated so much. She liked it. Not in the way he’d meant for her to like it. 

She liked him. Actually. 

He's really not sure why he told her about cumming on her pajama pants before he threw them out. He was sure he'd take that one to the grave. But he tells her about it while jerking  off onto her stomach because he wasn't going to fuck her but he needed to cum again. 

And she eats the mess from her fingers from her belly and Boyd is certain he's allowed to be in love. 

✞

Boyd had reasoned himself through a lot of things. Justifying almost anything. This? This he was having a hard time with. All he had going for him is that she'd liked it.

That she asked for it again afterwards.

Because when Boyd wakes up and the sun is peaking through the trees he can finally really see what her tits look like. Half falling out of her top. And when he reaches down to touch her there, her lips part. He thinks about how her pussy is the same color as her mouth and he thinks about how he told her that and how she reacted and he can't stop his hands even if he wanted to.

That's what he tells himself. He's reading her blind like a set of runes, it's not his fault her body is calling him this way. And she's reacting. So how could he stop? He can't. 

He's not sure if she's sleeping or pretending to sleep and he'd be lying if he said he thought that hard about it. Hard enough to care. His fingers dip between her legs and even through her underwear he can feel it. Sticky and warm and hers. 

Boyds hands seem to know what to do the same way his mouth does. Working the fabric of her panties down just slowly enough to not move her. He didn't want to fuck her he just wanted to feel it. 

She spreads her legs for him a little, laying on her belly; another miracle. Another sign he shouldn't stop himself. The Lord was working through him. 

This time he knows he's full of shit but he's rubbing his cock along her soaked lips and he can feel her clit tremble again and he doesn't feel bad when he pushes into her.

Her eyes jolt open like he'd been waiting for and the look on her face is an expression he doesn't think he's ever seen before. Something like fear and trust. Something someone like Boyd could get addicted to. 

He fucks her into the ground. He wants to look at her face again so he pulls her head back by her chin. She meets his gaze like she'd been waiting for it. This. To look at him like this while he fucked her.

She bows her head and takes his fingers into her mouth. She tries to move her head and Boyd knows exactly what the fuck she wants so he gives it to her. Fishhooking his fingers into her cheek while he backs up and off her a little. Sitting her up on her knees before pushing her shoulders back down again. 

Boyd knows how to get what he wants. He wants to go watch himself disappear inside of her. 

He'd almost forgotten where they'd started this, but when he remembers he has to stop himself from finishing then…. Just barely pushing into her again and it reminds him of that first time. 5 minutes ago when she was asleep.

Boyd can't stop thinking about how she'd woken up wanting him. This desperate. This wet.

That he could make her want it even when she couldn't know anything.

She opens her fucking mouth one fucking time and it's to tell him to fuck her pussy like he fucking owns it. And it was kind of corny and it didn't quite hit as well as he thought something she could say during sex would and he's not mad or anything but she adds “because you do.” and Boyd buckles. 

Falling on top of her body like her words hit him he holds her still as he ruts up into her. It's desperate and vulnerable and yet still completely overpowering. He tells her to say it again and she says the whole thing. He tells her no just the last part and she

Starts professing just how much he fucking owns her pussy. How it's never been for anybody else, from the second she saw him she wanted him. She felt him there, she always wanted to feel him there. Deep in her fucking cunt because it fucking belonged to him. 

He asks her whenever he wants it?

She repeats him in breathless moans as he slows his pace

He asks her even if she's sleeping.

She tells him that she’s never been more turned on in her whole life.

He asks her why

Because he took it without asking.

Because he knew it was his.

Boyd cums so fucking hard he's vaguely aware that he's hurting her. Pressing her into the ground and she can't breathe but he knows she'll be okay in a second and he knows she doesn't care. He knows she prefers it this way. Even if she hadn't said it.

✞

For the next two weeks Boyd fucks her in just about every way he can think to fuck her. All the things he's ever wanted to try. Like waking her up by stretching her out. He can't believe he's never been able to wake someone up like that before.

He can't believe how much he likes it.

Responding to her body and giving it what it wants when she can't even speak. He's sure it's is favorite thing that they do.

He does things with her that he’d never actually considered before, too.

He plays pretend with her. Not in front of the others but they'll go out to the creek and he'll baptize her and they fuck in the water or on the edge or against a tree. 

Or Beatle gets down on her knees like she's really praying and pretends to be confused when his cock head pokes at her mouth asking what he's doing and he gets to play along and say it's what the good Lord itends for her.

One time he laid her down and they pretended that as her pastor it was his holy duty to impregnate her with Christ.

Boyd didn't know he would get off on this shit. He's certain he wouldn't be if it wasn't with her. Who's mouth was so believable and reactions so pure - he doesn't have to wonder anything. 

She likes it or she doesn't and she always fucking likes it. 

✞

The sky is hazy and it looks like it might rain. Beatle asks him if he has any family and Boyd doesn't really know what to say. He doesn't want to lie but he doesn't want to talk about it.

He tells her no.

She asks if he's lying because he doesn't want them to meet her.

Boyd’s heart pangs again like it did when she'd kissed him that first time. All desperate and real and alive. He shakes his head and tells her no. She was too good for them.

He can tell she doesn't believe him. But saying nothing is better than saying more. And he knows she'll let him get away with not answering this one.

He tells her it doesn't matter anyway because he's pretty sure he loves her. And it's the first time he says it but it's not the first time he's felt it. Beatle believes him. 

Boyd is pretty sure she's never believed those words in her whole life before now. 

His heart pangs again.

✞

Bo Crowder was a scary sonofabitch. That's what Beatle said under her breath as he was walking up to their camp. Boyd’s glad she said it quiet because she didn't know how right she was.

She didn't know that was his daddy.

She knew about the meth shipment he was yelling about. Something he normally wouldn't have told her, even though it wasn't a secret necessarily. Something about wanting to protect a woman from the dangers of this world. 

But Boyd needed Beatle. He trusted her. She was part of this with him. He didn't want her the way he wanted all of the rest and he wanted all of the rest to know it too. Something about making her feel like she was someone. 

He knew he was saying and doing things at just the right times to make her feel special. But it's not like he didn't mean them. She treated each one like a fucking gift. Each public display, every private whisper. Every touch of their fingers and especially every time he buried himself inside her.

✞

It occurs to him on his walk through exile, while his people were no doubt being strung up and taken away by lawmen, that he doesn't think he can live without her. Well, at least that he doesn't want to. He reasons he shouldn't have to. 

She didn't break any laws anyway and Raylan will probably hand her over personally when her record comes back clean. He'd asked her and she said she had no charges she'd known of. She'd know. 

So, be patient. Wait it out. He runs through it again, in his head, all the stuff his daddy said. That they were gonna have them dig up the guns then tie em to a tree and call the feds.

He said a lot of other stuff too. About not being a son not being a leader not being nothing. Boyd was always sure he was nothing so none of that shit felt like anything. The first few blows his daddy makes his cousin give him don't feel like much of anything either.

Seeing Beatle’s face is what does it. He's sure he's rocked a few more times but he doesn't remember anything after seeing her look at him like that. 

✞

Boyd tries not to remember Beatle for the way she looked at him then. He tries really hard to remember the few seconds he'd gotten to touch her hand before his daddy shot that gun one last time at him to get out of there. 

He wishes he remembered it better but it's so fuzzy and barely there. He wishes his cousin would have just fucking beat him to death. He wishes that one prick ass degenerate addict piece of shit good for nothing follower who snitched out where the guns were would come back to life so he could rip apart every bit of him.

Because she'd probably still be alive. Boyd’s sure of it. If he'd died instead she'd be alive and the world wouldn't fucking feel like this. 

✞

For a while he has delusions that it’s the Real Deal out and out End O’ Times. That with her went all the light and all the good because he just couldn't seem to reason why.

Couldn't his daddy see she was special?

Couldn't he see that she was divinely made for him? 

That their love could have changed the world. 

It could have changed him.

Boyd can't reason with his daddy because he's dead too.

✞

After even longer Boyd convinces himself he was full of shit the whole time. That Beatle was just some girl he stuffed his cock into to feel good about himself while he was reintegrating back into society. 

Just some junkie, and if she was still alive she'd be back to using again. They wouldn’t have been anything because Beatle wasn't anyone.

She thought she was special, but don't they all? 

Boyd doesn't think about it much anymore. When he does he only lets himself think one thing.

She couldn't have been real. Not the way he thought she was. He must have been wrong about her and he would have figured it out eventually. 

He can't let himself think about her the way she really was.

The memories of her then are remembered by no one. Not a soul on this earth. Not even the ground they fucked on or the pond he made her piss in so he could watch. Not even in the stump that she'd carved their initials into because Boyd went back and he cut it all apart so sure that wasn't real either. 

He keeps being so sure it wasn't real.

He convinces himself that some initials carved in a tree is just something childish and stupid and that's why he destroyed it. He convinces himself that it wouldn't have broken her heart.

He’ll convince himself of just about anything to keep from thinking about what it felt like to be loved. Because that's what it was, right? Love? 

So he doesn't think about her. Or then. Or what happened and what didn't. 

✞

It's the gunpowder. Every time it starts to sting up his sinuses he can feel her hair soft against his lips. And every time he closes his eyes and he remembers her. What it felt like to realize she was up there with the rest of them.

Maybe someday Boyd will let himself remember what it felt like to love her. He worries that by the time he’ll be ready he won't remember what she looked like anymore.

What she felt like.

He already forgets most of the stuff they'd talked about. He just knows she was special. He knows no one else would get it anyway. Why he wanted to let himself be stuck there forever. In those words. Dying. How three weeks could feel so much bigger.

Boyd keeps going out there despite how much he convinces himself he's not thinking about her. Everything time he smells the gunpowder. 

He keeps finding reasons to use his gun. 

Because even though in that memory she's dead it's the realest one he's got. 

He doesn't think about her dead.

If he absolutely has to, laying down in the dirt where the camp used to be, he thinks about the way she looked when he'd told her he was pretty sure he loved her.

Sometimes he thinks about her mouth or her body or the way she always seemed to know what to do with them - but mostly he just thinks about the way she looked at him. Praying to be a better man for the next time around this life because she deserved more than God would allow him to give. The choices he had made previous to loving her had tainted his soul. Turned it rotten and poisoned her before he'd barely even gotten the chance. She'd paid for his sins. So he prays next time he meets her without any. 

Boyd wishes just one time he would lay down out here and not get up. 

He leaves the woods, convincing himself he was full of shit with her the same way he was full of shit with everyone, the memories of her die again, and he forgets about her until his subconscious finds some reason for him to fire a gun.

Any reason.

Boyd remembers enough about her to know she'd have liked that.

✞

A/n; it wasn't really proofread? (Well it was but I'm not very good at it) ALSO idk about this writing style either, i know it's kind of different? And in my opinion probably more juvenile but I had fun writing it this way. 🤷🏻‍♀️

(I'll make a different post about where I'm at with my wips~)

[agreysexualromantic]

I've talked before about how much Lois soaks up the love and safety of the Kents, but I think we also need to talk about what Clark sees and learns from his entire relationship with Lois.

Outside of his family, Clark's relationships have consistently been struggles of boundaries and safety.

There's Lex: Clark sees so much good in him, they share so much and he wants so much to be able to trust him, but Lex simply cannot stop his fixation on Clark's "secret". As a result, it's a constant battle of boundaries and lies, leaving Clark with no true sense of safety there.

There's Chloe: Now, I adore Chloe, especially as the series progresses, but at the start her young, enthusiastic journalistic curiosity often resulted in massive violations of Clark's privacy. She finds out about his abilities not because he tells her, but through yet another huge violation of privacy by another person. She does a great job of working to change and becoming a safe place for Clark to be open, but once again he has a trusted relationship with constant pushes for him to be *more* vulnerable, to share *more* of himself, and people skirting around his boundaries for their own sake. Rough stuff.

Then we have Pete: the first person Clark *willingly* shares his full background with, only to have his abilities weaponized against him over and over again. Literally, Pete pulls out green and red kryptonite and uses it on Clark ALL THE DAMN TIME. He gets mad at Clark for NOT sharing his secret earlier, and then goes on to blame him when Pete's life is made more complicated and dangerous by the knowledge. No safety there, no real ability to just relax and be himself because Clark never really knows when Pete might once again throw his secret back in his face.

And then there's Lana: I want to be clear here, *I do not hate Lana*. I actually think very highly of her, especially when she's not dating Clark. And I mean that in both directions, neither Clark nor Lana feel truly safe or at ease with each other in their relationship. I'm just going to focus on Lana for a second here as it relates to my point about Clark and love. Lana wants Clark to be fully open and honest with her. But The Secret becomes The Thing that she just can't see around. Despite how well she knows Clark, she perpetually uses The Secret to assign the worst motives to his actions, and to assume that he has done terrible things despite having no evidence that The Secret has anything to do with the character of Clark that she already knows. (Again, I recognize Clark's nonsense in this relationship too, I'm just focusing on this one side for the moment). Clark never really feels safe with her as a result, because her fixation on KNOWING his secret becomes more important than knowing or understanding him, and again, boundaries are crossed and miscommunication abounds.

Enter Lois Lane. She is a lot of things, but one thing that Lois is for Clark from very early on is *safe*.

We see her repeatedly respect people's boundaries and choices. For all of her curiosity and her drive for truth and answers, she draws a very firm line around the personal lives of others. She waits to be invited rather than demanding vulnerability from Clark. Sure, she offers lots of advice that Clark didn't ask for, but she never tries to pry him open. She takes him as he is, with the belief that people should be allowed to share what they feel safe sharing.

That is mind blowing for Clark. Outside of his family, he's never experienced love like that, platonic or otherwise. There have always been strings, always been eyes looking closer than he wanted, always been people holding his privacy over his head like a weapon. We see Clark, time and again, truly *relax* with Lois in a way he can't with just about anyone else. Lois is safe, truly, in a world where Clark is consistently surrounded with emotional danger.

I saw a post recently that related Clark's secret to someone coming out (even though that's likely not what the writers were going for intentionally). It's so true. Clark always deserved the chance to share all of himself when and how HE wanted to, and over and over again that chance was taken from him or used against him. I think that's why I personally feel so strongly about all of the people in his life being SO insistent that Clark is deceitful, overly guarded, that he HAS to share his secret OR ELSE (or else they will dig it up anyway, or else they will leave him, or else he will tell them and they will use the knowledge against him, or else, or else....)

There's no or else with Lois. She's happy to accept Clark as Clark, and he needed that so much.

As always, Lois Lane is my hero.

[rosehawk-writings]

These are the original thoughts and rough concept that eventually became my Entrepreneurshipping fic. This isn't exactly how things ended up, but thought I would share them for the fun of it.

Siegfried and Leon are staying with the Kaibas while Seto is trying to work out the terms for buying SchroederCorp. They finally reach the point where everything is perfect except that Zieg wants Seto to sleep with him before he’ll sign the contract. That afternoon, they send the kids off to KaibaLand with Roland and the staff are all sent away. The boys get wine-drunk while “getting to know each other” and talking about Duel Monsters, and for a little bit, it almost feels like they’re just being friends. Then Seto tries to get Zieg to sign the contract again, and Zieg is like, “Look, I know your reputation. You’ve been making some pretty one-sided deals, and I’m not signing anything until I get what I want.” So they negotiate a little more, and then Seto sucks his dick with the agreement that they’ll fuck that night. They clean up and have a meeting with the attorneys to sign the contracts with proper witnesses and everything. Then that night they celebrate with a lot more wine in Zieg’s room, and Seto is an absolute DOM because he knows, from his own intuitions, Zieg’s confessions, and [redacted], that that’s absolutely what Zieg wants. They’re up fucking at least half the night, and by the end of it, Zieg is in love despite Seto telling him that this is purely business.

The next morning, Duke is hanging out with Seto’s assistant outside the KC building waiting for him to arrive. (He's running uncharacteristically late.) When he does finally show up with Zieg in his limo, Seto’s wearing dark sunglasses and doesn’t take them off when he goes inside. Those two are arguing in German, and Zieg gets a little touchy, so Duke is immediately like, “Why he touchin’ my man?” and goes up to him like, “Yeah, hi there, I have an important secret update on our project and we have to talk alone” and Seto tells his assistant to get Zieg set up in one of the smaller conference rooms and arrange a press conference for 3pm. Duke asks him if he’s hungover, and Kaiba’s like, “No, I’m not, shut up,” and Duke is all, “You made the mistake of drinking with a German. It’s not as bad as drinking with a Russian, but damn boy, I don’t think you know how to hold your liquor. You need more XP before you’re ready to go drinking against a German again.” And Seto’s all, “As fascinating as your knowledge of international stereotypes is, I thought you said you had something important to tell me, and that really doesn’t count.” By this point, they’ve made it to Seto’s office, and once inside he closes the door and starts closing the blinds. Duke’s all, “Oh yeah, the parts we needed for the next step have been delayed. It’ll be another two days before we can keep going.” Seto is annoyed and frustrated and sits down at his desk and puts his head in his hands. He’s still wearing the sunglasses. Duke asks about Zieg getting so handsy that morning, and what were they arguing about anyways, and Seto says that he needs Duke’s advice on how to get someone UNinterested in him. And Duke is like, “Oh, dude, no problem. But did you do anything that might have encouraged his affections? Cause I need to know that before I can say a word to him.” And Seto is like, “Well… you don’t need to know, actually.”

(following dialogue is the gist of what’s being said)

Duke: “You kissed him when you were drunk, didn’t you? I get it, he’s real pretty, but next time you get drunk, you should definitely invite me. I'm even prettier when you're drunk.”

Kaiba: “That’s not, ugh, you’re still flirting with me? Whatever, you’re hopeless. Is it really necessary for you to know what happened between us?”

Duke: “Yes, absolutely necessary.”

Kaiba gives him a thoughtful look and then Duke realizes.

“You slept with him while you were drunk, didn’t you? Now he thinks it means something?”

“That’s not… quite it either.”

“Okay dude, spill. You want help, and I can only do that if I have all the details.”

“I slept with him to close the deal.”

“Excuse me, you what?”

“He refused to sign the papers unless I slept with him, so” *casual shrug* “It was purely transactional sex, and he knew that, but by the end of it, he said he was falling for me, and I need him to get over himself.”

Duke is pretty shocked for a moment, and all he can manage is a quip. “I thought you didn’t date. But you’re good enough in bed that he fell in love with you after one night?”

“Shut the fuck up. I told you what happened. Are you going to help me or not?”

“Okay, okay, I’ll talk to him after the press conference and tell him you’re my boyfriend and that last night was strictly business, but he needs to back off now. Then you’re going to come home with me to make a point to him. Deal?”

“Fine, deal, whatever, just turn the light off when you leave”

[random-ideas-artblog]

Just finished watching the first detective Conan movie!

So I just finished it, and I was taking notes as I went through. I’m just going to post them below. It’s pretty rough because I typed while watching so these are real time thoughts. Overall I enjoyed it though.

Conan’s adorable when he gets the letter (blushing is cute)

Can’t believe the dork forgot his own birthday but remembered some Holmes trivia instead lol 

Ran is a such a sweetheart omg 

Mori really read through the dudes whole Wikipedia page lmao

Never mind I mean biography I forgot this was like 1997

Does this dude have OCD is that supposed to be the implication 

Garden party is cool but where are the bombs and skyscrapers what I sup 

Damn he can cook wow

I feel like the do everything myself is going to be Important

Ok he’s kind of sinister know idk why  

Yo why is he so interested in this teenage girls love life??? 

Conan you are so screwed 

Oh ok I see where the bomb and skyscraper are coming into play now 

Grudge against the architect maybe 

Wow that was a big explosion

Ok this whole situation is very weird why is he helping Conan 

What is the cat the fucking bomb???

There better not be any cat death in this movie I will cry 

How did the old woman not notice the bomb???

That old woman and driver are having very tame reactions to this insane kid 

Oops and he’s passed out. In the hospital too uh oh

Aw that cute Kogoro is by his bedside 

Wow Conan without the glasses really looks like a  shinichi copy  how has no one noticed 

You can’t use phones in hospitals what is this common knowledge I never learned 

Ok this looks really bad for Shinichi I pity him a bit lol now Kogoro things he’s scum 

Ok I have a theory: For whatever reason  architect is bombing stuff for an unknown reason. The guy shown has a beard but that’s probably just a disguise, architect said he likes to do things himself so that’s why I think it’s him. He doesn’t what there to be casualties or just wants someone to stop him.That’s why Shinichi was contacted he’s a well known detective. The password thing was a test for Mori to see if he can replace shinichi, but Conan figured it out and got a tour of the gallery. Which, COINCIDENTALLY, has buildings that have been bombed before (the mansion) and will be bombed (presumably the skyscraper based on info so far). It’s a deliberate clue. That’s also why the bomber is accepting Conan as a legitimate detective because he passed the test, but also giving hints because this js a kid he doesn’t want to kill him. It’s also just occurred to me that the architect was implied to have severe OCD or perfectionism. He could be bombing past builds because he thinks there’s some thing wrong with them and can’t stand to have their design be under his name. Something like that idk. I’m only 36 minutes in so we’ll see

Wait a minute maybe the reason architect was interested in the birthday date was because he wanted to know when and where Shinichi would be so he could plan the bombing around his schedule! Ran provided practically all the details too 

That’s cute the kids drew a picture (I know it’s a suspect but still)

He’s happy with it??? Damn Conan can’t draw at all 

That was a lot of damage to the car wow 

Rare Kudo shinichi appearance I missed you!!! Conan’s cute but shinichi as himself looks pretty cool haha 

Damn that’s a strong father son bond 

Laughing then hating that’s kinda of funny

Genta is going to shout out the word bombs isn’t he

…I knew it 

Wait no ones noticed these kids screaming bomb on the train?

I am so confused by the motivation pretty sure this means my theories are wrong damn 

Sick burn Ran lol 

Wow this whole diverting sequence is seriously dramatic and I love it 

Poor Ran she’s getting stood up 

The bridge! The architect doesn’t want to blow up that bridge because he’s actually happy with that work! That would fit with my previous theory 

Ok shiratori is being kind of suspicious. Kinda confirms my theory tho 

Conan dude that suggestion was not subtle at all  

Ok now what Mori has said it’s someone else I’m more convinced than ever it’s the architect 

Ok there’s a lot of emphasis being placed on him lighting the pipe same as the beginning 

Ok did the dad steal his kids designs or did he steal his dad’s?? Probably the latter 

Was I actually on to something with the pipe????

Uh new theory he’d bombing all the architecture that doesn’t fit the New Tama symmetrical city to try and get the building approved after the Mayors arrest 

Just saw the architect has a painting of a horse above the fireplace I don’t know why that’s amusing to me 

Mori you are so wrong it’s funny as hell 

That reaction was funny as hell 

It’s kind of creepy how the architect is just standing and staring down 

Go after him Shiratori hell yeah 

So the skyscraper in the tile only shows up in the last 20 minutes 

I was actually right with my theory?? Kind of. I got the reason he wanted Kudo to take the case wrong(it was revenge) but the motivation behind the bombing and who was bombing them was correct. 

Ok but now that it’s been proven it had nothing to do with the case, why was he so interested in the date it’s a little bit creepy ngl 

Oh damn the bombs actually went off that’s a lot of power 

Ok wow this dude is an asshole 

Wait he wanted to know about the date so he could plant a huge bomb that would kill Ran and Shinichi wtf 

Ok Ran is taking this very well wow she’s cool 

I wonder what everyone else in the lobby is thinking right now 

Wait did they do it wrong. Wait nvm that’s someplace else 

Seeing Kogoro so worried about Ran is kind of heartwarming, although the circumstances aren’t great 

Oh god it’s the classic red wire blue wire 

My bet is on red wire. It’s Ran’s favorite color and the couples lucky color for the month 

Bruh wtf is with this edgy commentary from the architect about love you’re such a loser Christ.I’m getting a bit heated haha 😅

Not the happy Birthday this is really sad 

We’ll be together when we die??? What the hell this is depressing but kinda sweet 

I just realized I started off a bunch of my comments with ok so. It’s not important or anything I just noticed that while reading through. I’d give this movie a 7/10. There were some interesting parts and it was fun theorizing but there are still some things I’m confused about. Why did he accept Conan as a detective? Why did he provide clues to the bombs??? If the motive was revenge wouldn’t it be better to have Shinichi fail? Maybe I missed something idk.

[jacely]

Was thinking “hey :) what a fun idea it would be to participate in the Vesuvia Weekly!” so… here i am. + maybe some Fallon lore?

The Arcana Main 6 x Fallon dynamics

Asra: Such pure best friends it’s insane. They are one and the same, sharing clothes, a bed, food, friends. Fallons family has even pretty much adopted them into the family. it’s not unoften to hear them switch between calling eachother “friend” and “sibling/sister”. Asra = worlds best wingman, as well. they just have a very simple, chill friendship. If they are in the same room together then they are probably cuddling or having a deep talk about the Arcana. “Damn… you really stole my bitch.” -Asra, probably, to Nadia. they bond over how much they don’t like Lucio and how much they love Nadia. Definitely eachothers pillar. They know eachothers brain like it’s their own.

Nadia: Incredibly compatible (as well as in love). there’s a strong understanding between the two of them when it comes to status and the work that comes with it. they experience a lot of the same insecurities and problems. competitivity, constant striving to be better, dealing with royalty, building a city/country back from ruins. Fallon knows exactly when to offer help, to give her space, or when to pull her away from her work to give her a break when it’s needed. they both struggle with trust issues and seemingly the weight of the entire world on their shoulders, Nadia admires Fallons optimism through it and Fallon cherishes Nadia’s clear mind and problem solving. There is the fear of falling back into a coma for Nadia while Fallon has the fear that death will randomly decide it wants her soul back, leading them to many late night talks and rationalizing of their fears and comfort. there’s just a perfect balance of give and take in this relationship, one always willing to pick up where the other is falling behind. The relationship is well-communicated, comfortable, and supporting. it’s rare for people of their backgrounds to find someone that fully understands them, but fortunately for them, they’ve struck gold. Even if they didn’t work out as lovers (which… they definitely DO end up working out) they would still be the best of friends.

Julian: drinking buddies. Julian suffered through Fallons original disliking of him… he BROKE into her SHOP. Who is going to pay for the damages ?!?! but they ended up getting close during the whole devil fiasco. if Julian is up on a table dancing and singing… Fallon is probably on the next table doing the same thing (but better singing). anytime they go out they almost always end up sprawled on the palace steps, eventually discovered by a bemused countess. Julian genuinely does get better when it comes to his

‘self-sacrifice problems’, thanks to Fallon and very stern Portia and Nadia. He’s such a fun and great dude! they do need a lot of breaks from each other, though. they both have their own struggles, and are definitely not the type of friendship where they talk to eachother abt them. invite eachother out for parties or sleepovers with the friends, but unlikely to go to eachother when it’s a rough mental health night.

Muriel: complicated. they both struggle with the trauma associated to killing and harming others, but they deal with it in such different ways that it ends up being a rift instead. Fallon enjoys Muriel, he reminds her of her brother (height AND broodiness), she wants to sit and gently bring him out of his shell! She has the knowledge of how to deal with such introverted people (her line of past work often required it), and is confused when Muriel still seems to shut her out, she keeps trying nonetheless, excited at the prospect of a budding friendship with him. Muriel, however… dislikes her. The way she rationalizes her past of killing with “i did what i had to do” so easily bothers him. her openness about it compared to his silence leaves just the slightest resentment for eachother. Fallon knows that trauma does terrible things to people but still struggles understanding why he can’t understand that he also just did what he had to do. Muriel feels like Fallon is too nonchalant about taking life. It takes him coming terms with his own past in order to start letting Fallon in. so… Dislike to dislike to… friendly Acquaintance…? Fallon is oblivious to the fact that he dislikes her, which leaves a lot of room for her to be excited about seeing him and him being like “:( not again”.

Portia: By proximity they are friends. they are both very close to Nadia which makes them kinda have to be close to eachother. Of course, they are both fun, relatively friendly women, so it’s not a problem in the slightest. they are both a little Hot-headed, overprotective of the countess, and optimistic. they’re actually pretty compatible friends. Fallon does feel like Portia is perhaps maybe too much of a crybaby, she was raised around soldiers… crying was for mourning, or much more serious matters. What was the point in crying over a dropped cake? These opinions are never spoken outloud, fallon is aware that her outlook is askew, and instead hugs Portia and supports her through her tears anyways. Once again, Fallon finds a wingman in a friend. A eyebrow wiggle or a wink is commonplace between them. Fallon needs help getting a date night planned without Nadia knowing? Portia’s got her back. Portia finds that young man at the ball attractive? Pffft, Fallons gonna make sure they dance together when the music starts. Portia is genuinely starstruck by Fallon. She is such an open book, even if not all the content is pretty, it makes Portia feel bad about her secrecy and makes her want to exhibit that courage more often. …To say Portia didn’t have a little crush on her at first would be a lie.

Lucio: hell. flames. anger. hatred. Honestly, if lucio wasn’t such a crybaby bitch then they would probably be friends. HOWEVER. he IS a crybaby bitch and sucks ass, in Fallons opinion. He has caused too many problems for the people she loves for her to even slightly like him. If he were to show up at Vesuvia ever again he is getting dropkicked into outer space. Lucio feels an abundance of jealousy towards my hot-headed little magician, she took his spot !!! his wife !!! his dogs !!! this little rat took his whole life, he hates her as much as she hates him. they are soulmates but for haters.

[reallygreatblogname222]

Cegan concept - Teacher Carl

I really want a fic where Carl is a teacher and Negan is his student. Maybe Negan’s an ex-con, fresh out of prison. He enrolls in a community college to finish the degree he was working on before that asshole picked a fight with him a decade ago. He hadn’t realized a neck could break so easily... Anyway, he’s back on track and eager to finish his degree and move on from this chapter of his life.

Carl’s hard work has finally paid off. He’s a newly-hired teacher (21-23) at his local community college, and he’s ready to shove all his worldly knowledge toward the eager young (and old) faces in his classes.

Before class is set to start, Carl is preparing his lesson at a student’s desk (his own desk is drafty and it’s a cold day. He doesn't know where the funding for this college goes but it certainly doesn't go towards maintenance).

Negan walks into class early on his first day and spots an attractive young man with long brown hair sitting at a desk, working on something. He immediately sits beside him. He introduces himself and catches the boy’s name as Carl. Negan starts chatting shit with him saying ‘I used to cheat in exams all the time in high school’ and goofing off with him. Other students pile in as they're chatting, and class soon begins.

To Negan's confusion, Carl stands up while patting him on the shoulder, and heads to the front of the class. The kid makes pointed eye contact with Negan while he introduces himself as the teacher. He makes an ‘I’ve got my eye on you’ gesture at Negan. Negan, uncharacteristically caught off-guard, slumps in his chair. Oops.

Throughout the first few weeks, Carl is completely blindsided by this rough, rugged ex-con’s dirty jokes and advances. He doesn’t want to risk his new job that he worked his butt off to get, but he’s also so unbelievably attracted to Negan that it’s not actually fair.

Negan loves how sassy Carl is in class, but when they're alone (sometimes Negan needs some help after class, you know? Strictly academic help...) it is too damn easy to get the boy all hot and bothered, flustered to the point of stuttering. Carl is exactly what he needs.

[v3nusxsky]

My dove!|fluff

Prompt~ based off the TikTok sound "is she your girlfriend girlfriend or are y'all just talking? Bitch if I kill you are you dead dead or just not breathing"

♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡♡

When the school received news of the new readers, Lesso was furious. A liability. Another obstacle to hold evil back from finally beating good. After all evil hadn't won for years now. What use would a reader be? Well it was then and there she decided you would not hinder her goal. Evil would beat good this year. And she would do anything to achieve that. Nothing was off limits for her. After all a world where evil isn't as powerful as good is a world out of balance. Some silly reader wouldn't be impacting that. Or would she?

The day you arrived at the school, petrified and alone was the day she realised her plan to win would be a treacherous path. A reader. A never that looks like an ever. God what had she been tortured with now. How would you be of use to her? Of course Lady Lesso hated move in day. After all she had once experienced being ripped from her house in Gavaldon and transported here. Although she likes to tell her self she didn't look as pathetic and petrified as you did. No evil knew no fear. And Lesso was perfectly evil.

The first class with you drove Lesso mad. You had absolutely no knowledge on how to be evil. God you couldn't stop day dreaming. It was damn right infuriating. No one had the guts to not pay attention to the great dean of evil. But you. Y/n of Gavaldon seemed to have no fear. Did you not know of what she could do to you? The insistence of the young reader was admirable really. But regardless it made Lesso work harder. You wouldn't stop the goal of winning.

Soon enough you wormed your way into Lesso's thoughts. No matter how hard she tried to shake you from them, you were just there. Constantly. Like a thorn in her side. You clearly weren't happy here. It was obvious. Even a trip to the doom room hadn't sorted you out. God what was she to do with you. No see the trip to the doom room had only ignited feeling in the reader as well as Lesso herself. She was her usual intimidating self. The kind that would have most normal people cowering from her whimpering in submission. But not you. No. You just flushed Scarlett unable to remove your gaze. She stalked towards you, like a fox and it's prey. Nothing phased you. Even after seeing the collection of items the doom room held, you weren't fearing her wrath. Lady Lesso isn't one to get side tracked. But you intrigued her. She just had to understand what was going on. Why didn't you fear her? And why won't you leave her mind?

It was only when the frustration of its peak that the issue resolved itself. Lesso lost her temper at your ignorance in her lessons. As the rest of the Nevers filed out of the room, she stalked you, waiting to pounce. You were always last to leave. Probably down to the fact you day dreamed so much you missed dismissal. Seeing her moment she went for it. Jumping into action and pinning you to the solid oak door. You audibly gulped, eyes flicking all other her body. The same flush reigning over your cheeks. Your teeth sinking into your bottom lip, hard enough to spill the liquid gold that hid underneath. The action alone is what caused the band to snap. With an almost animalistic growl the older women took your lips in her own. Tasting the delicious tangy taste of your blood. The moan found its way free of throat only to be swallowed by the bruising kiss. It was rough, passionate but oh so desired by you both. Only when breathing was a necessity did you pull back. Foreheads resting against each other as you caught your breaths.

Since the kiss, Lady Lesso felt as tho she was going insane. It's all she could think about. The feel of your lips on hers, the taste of your sweet blood that was thumping through your veins right now just waiting to be spilled and even the way your body felt pinned by her own. Insanity that's what this was. Frustratingly incurable insanity. Never to be stated. Needing this insanity to end, Lesso found the perfect time to pounce. Once you were all alone heading to the library she simple grabbed your arm and started walking off. You didn't even struggle just simply allowing her to do as she pleased. Only when you had been dragged to the perfect secluded spot did her lips find yours once again. This time her own milky white teeth piercing your lip. The taste of your oh so pretty blood was unmatched by anything else. And she wondered how it would look spilled on that beautiful pale skin of yours. The whimpers and whines you'd make she she began making it spill. This time it was you who broke first mumbling "be mine Lesso" onto her lips. Her dark chuckle met you. "Oh dove. You're confused. You. Are.mine" she all but growled out before capturing your lips once more.

Things became more bearable for Lesso now you were hers. She'd take you anywhere anytime she deemed fit. You submitted to her willingly. You were hers and that was clear to you both. Apparently just the two of you though. In class, Hort is trying his luck with you. Of course your protective girlfriend was eyeing the situation closely. How dare he try it with her dove. Hers. Not his. When Hort brought a hand to cup your cheeks Lady Lesso snapped. The secret would be out. But that would be more bearable than watching some one hair wannabe Werewolf touching what belonged to her.

"Hort" she growled stalking over, enjoying the slither of fear in his eyes. "Back away from my girlfriend!" She hissed out. The warning clear. The rest of the class intrigued. Did Lesso say girlfriend?

"Girlfriend? Is she like your girlfriend girlfriend or just girlfriend?" Hort puzzled out loud. God he really did have one brain cell and that's it. His pea sized, shrivelled up brain cell working overtime.

With a smack of her can just missing Hort cracked throughout the room. "Bitch if I kill you are you dead dead or just not breathing?" Her tone was threatening and dark. You knew your girlfriend was protective of what's hers, but to go that far? It made you chuckle and watch the scene unfold in front of you. Moving to stand by the side of the angry redhead.

The boy quacked in his boots literally and scampered off. God what a whimp. And with that Lady Lesso took you by the hand and lead you away. "Dove, you. Are. Mine. It seems you need a reminder." She growled at you before capturing your lips in a rough dominant kiss. Oh yes this reminder would be deliciously painful.

Word count~ 1228

*A/n ~ kinda like the possessive Leo. Now this could make absolutely no sense as it's been written at like 4:30 am but I actually kinda love it*

[huachengeye]

Only Friends: Is accountability a reality for them?

So, here we are, episode 9. We are reaching for the finish line, but the road is still rough and long. Some will get there earlier, and some will need to be dragged there, but in the end, it's about the mistakes we make along the way lmao

Sorry, I had to start this as dramatically as this episode felt for me. Only Friends it's the gift that keeps on giving, and every damn time they GIVE. It's wild how every episode is as strong, sometimes stronger, than the previous one. The characters are great, they evolve little by little (baby steps) and those characters from the first episode are nowhere to be found, which, by the way, I love it.

But I still have a problem with this episode, a problem that I hope will be developed in the next ones, but that, as of now, is lowkey pissing me off. Fortunately enough, I'm not the only that is bothered by this. So let's break down my rumble into parts. First, let's start with the easy, comfortable part: SandNick's friendship.

If you never looked at your friend and thought "What if we kissed?" are you really friends?

This was groundbreaking for me. It's so realistic and so fun!! I was literally giggling and kicking my feet, which was a first in this series lmao. I love the kiss, the thought process before it, the laughing after it, the clear understanding that there weren't any romantic sparks from it, and the choice to go to cuddle after. Everything about this scene is really special and heartwarming for me. This is the friendship that I'm here for, my second-option boys.

I love how P'Jojo really pays attention to every detail of a queer relationship. I saw my own friendships in this moment of Sand and Nick, and I never saw my friendships as being queer. I come from a culture where hooking up is really normal, even if it is between (best) friends. I lost count of how many times I've gone to parties where my friends would just hook up, and sometimes that got messy, but most of it was just simple. Two people (sometimes, maybe, three) kissing and sharing a moment of happiness with each other. We have a saying in my country (maybe not a saying but anyways) "(hooking up) strengthens a friendship", and that might be from the fact that we, like the characters from OF, are a bit horny, but also because touching is a very big part of how we show affection and love.

I've never, at least as far as I knew, had a queer relationship with someone else. Not like the ones I'm seeing in this show. Heck, I only fully understood my own queerness a couple years ago, although liking people from different genders was always a part of myself, I just never really cared or gave much thought about it. But the friendships I had were all very hetero in my point of view, most of the time it was about girls hooking up with guys and only hooking up with other girls when there was drinking involved - never boys with boys. Funny enough, now that I'm not friends with those people anymore, I think what we had was queer in a way. The way our love-giving culture works is queer in some way.

(I promise I'm making a connection here, and I'll circle back to Sand and Nick in a second)

I've only started to study queerness and to feel my own queerness a couple years ago, as I said. I still don't have quite the knowledge to explain what queerness is, but for me, it's about everything that falls outside of the so-called normal. In today's society, normality is for there to be romantic touches only between people from different genders, and only with the intent of having a romantic relationship with that person. Friends being close to each other, in a way that romantic partners would be, is weird. And it's weirder when they are from the same gender, especially if they are two boys.

My experience with my girl friends was always simple, we liked to be close to each other, to give hands, to share small touches, to be connected in some sense. I feel that this is more accepted by society as a whole, maybe this is even mocked a bit because girls are a joke all around in this pathetic patriarchal society. But when it's two guys (or two perceived guys) being touchy touchy with each other, that's a no-no. And that's where my guy friends (and men in my country, as far as the ones I was around) differ. They are still very led by machismo, but it was always so common for me to see my friends joking around about wanting to date each other, sharing hugs, and sometimes kisses (no more than a peck, and honestly I gave them a curious side eye at those times), but even they had a very strong camaraderie that really was a mirror of my own relationships with my girl friends. The same goes for my friendships with my guy friends, we were queer in the sense that we engaged with each other, not with a romantic mindset (there were times when that got messy) but just as two friends that care for each other, and that strengthen their friendship through kisses sometimes.

That's Nick and Sand for me. Their decision to kiss was not just because they wanted love, wanted to give love, but it was a hopeful shot at maybe sparking romantic feelings between them. It was a hopeful shot at finding someone that they knew would love and care for them back, romantically. It didn't work, and it wasn't sad or awkward, it was fun and happy. It was two people sharing love with each other and building community, building trust, and honest love. And the cuddling afterward was the cherry on top, it brought it all together and tied in a pretty bow. The first time I heard about queerplatonic relationships was in 2020, I think, it was a groundbreaking discovery for me, as it gave me the answers about what connections I craved. For me, Sand and Nick is the first representation of a queerplatonic friendship I have seen since then, and it's making me emotional lol.

I'm not even going to mention them calling each other "team second option", that was pure gold. Have a friend who jokes about your love life (and theirs) with you. Get you a friend that you can be both delusional and realistic with.

(if you want another interpretation of the queerplatonic relationship between Sand and Nick I suggest @wen-kexing-apologist post. I took the photo of SandNick's kiss from this post btw, so thanks :)

Did I just ramble about my past friendships as if this is about my life and not about Only Friends? Yes, I did. Thank you Only Friends for making me dive into my own emotional mess, always a pleasure.

I'm still not ready to bring my rage and disappointment to the table, so let's talk a bit more about the parts I really enjoyed in this episode - aka, Top's development, Mew's mothers, Nick's goodbye to Boston, and Mew finally getting out of his little cave and going to touch some grass.

Let's start with Top. Where is that character from the first episode that was SURE he would get whatever he wanted? I was waiting for this moment, and it's finally here.

I was not surprised by Top's choices in this episode, actually, I was elated about his development. If he was the old Top he would've shown Mew the video of SandRay's kiss right after it happened. I knew he wouldn't, he was definitely thinking about it, but for once he thought about how his actions would affect Mew. And this episode showed us a bit more about Top's own problems.

I don't know if I talked here about the scene where Top was thinking back about his moments with Mew, and about how those moments were REALLY different from the ones we saw from Mew's POV. Top's point of view was really sad for me, at that moment, through Mew's eyes, we saw them having fun at the silent club, dancing together, but through Top's eyes, it was as if he was already grieving Mew's absence. It made me think about his choice to bring Mew to that particular place. At first, I thought it was a fucked up thing to bring his current boyfriend to a place he went with his previous boyfriends/hookups, but after the flashback, I got a different perspective of it.

Top actively chose a place where they would be together but at the same time alone. They were listening to music as if they were alone, there was a sense of disconnection between them at the moment. I mean, why would you take someone, that you want to be close with, to a place where you will be enjoying the moment in a separate way? Now, it feels as if Top was trying to be in Mew's life but not necessarily opening himself up for Mew. I mean, there were only two times we saw Top's raw self, when Mew revealed that he knew about him and Boston, and when Mew saw Top with his pills. The second time, Top told us a very personal thing about himself, he opened up about a big trauma of his and then brushed it off.

In this episode, we see him reaching for his pills again, head too full because he know holds in his hand something that could've ruin Mew's relationship with Ray, something that would've been his revenge against Ray for exposing him and Boston, when he is no better than them. He reaches for his pills, places a few in his hands, and puts them back because he doesn't want to do it. Top then calls for someone, probably Boeing, asking for the person to come see him because he can't sleep and doesn't want to use the pills anymore. We can view this in a few ways, it can be that he doesn't want to turn back to his old methods, or it can be that he doesn't want to run away from his traumas and problems anymore. I believe in both those things. Top is the first one of the hurricane trio (Top, Boston, Ray) to actually take action and start to change.

The end of the episode makes us think that Top didn't change, because who the hell invites his ex to his place whilst trying to get back with his other ex? But I really think Top did change, and that whatever Boeing went to do in his place wasn't sexual at all. My theory right now is that Boeing knows about Top's insomnia and trauma, he might be the only one that knows other than Mew. And I think they are just friends (maybe Boeing wants to get back with him, maybe not, but I think Top doesn't want that), because if they had broken things off in a bad way, why would Top keep the little plane Boeing gave him? If Top was like Boston made him out to be, a player that doesn't do long-term relationships, wouldn't he have disposed of the things his ex gave him? If my theory is right, this will be the first time we see Top with someone he considers a friend, and I believe we will be seeing a whole other side of him because of it.

Top chose to keep the video to himself, he chose to not be the one at the top, to not have the last word in this situation. For me, that shows that he really cares for Mew, and cares enough not to make Mew go through the shame of having proof that his boyfriend is cheating on him. Yet, he still gave Mew pieces of advice and asked Mew to think if Ray really only loves him. He planted doubt in Mew's mind, but it was for Mew to keep his eyes open, that way he wouldn't have to actually show Mew proof and make Mew see with his own eyes.

I saw some people bringing up the possibility that he is doing the "long game" (yes, this is a Girl Meets World reference) and that's why he chose not to show Mew, but honestly what in all of his actions shows that he wants to do the long game? He doesn't let Mew go a day without him showing up like a ghost (which btw is really bothering me, like, now your place, give him space), even when it was Mew's day with his mothers, the one day it was clear he wanted just for him and his mothers. This is the one big thing right now that I want to be acknowledged by the series, the amount of boundaries that are crossed, not only with Top, makes me SO mad.

But I have to admit, Top is growing on me right now, but it all depends on how he will deal with the whole "Mew-Boeing" situation and if he will actually respect Mew's boundaries from now on.

Goodbye, Ton.

First off, before this, I need y'all to read this post by @lurkingshan, she makes a great analysis of this Nick and Boston moment.

But this was such a powerful scene for this couple, the most powerful in my opinion. We finally see a side of Nick that we had never seen. From the get-go, Nick was just after Boston. From the moment Boston went to get his phone fixed, Nick was interested in Boston, almost in a stalker way (I'm sorry but I'll never get over the fact Nick went through Boston's phone to masturbate to one of his photos, that won't ever sit with me). Until this moment, Nick was nothing more than in love with Boston for me. I didn't feel like he had a strong personality outside of his relationship with Boston, but woah, this episode really showed me otherwise. I'm now on the same side of the people who think Nick is a cutie who deserves happiness.

In this episode, Nick truly acknowledges that Boston is not the amazing person he keeps on trying to convince himself he is. He does it on his trip with Sand when he asks himself why he falls for "bad guys". At the same moment, he makes peace with the fact that he was Boston's second option, a huge change from his last conversation with Sand when he says that maybe one day Boston would love him. I was so happy with this development, and not even when Nick, in his goodbye to Boston, said to Boston that Boston should stay the way he is because he is loved for who he is (let's not lie now, dear Nick), made me less happy. And our boy is moving on!!! And with a Daddy too, look at you go Nick omg.

Another thing I want to point out about Nick in this episode is how aware he is of people being interested in him. Throughout the series, I only saw Nick as being insecure about himself, and he really was, we even saw him trying to act more like Top, going to the gym and dressing up (a behavior that he shares with Mew). And throughout the whole series, I saw a bunch of people treating him as if he is completely incapable of taking care of himself as if he was the lamb being manipulated by the big bad wolf Boston. When he said that he knows Boston is not the best guy around (not exactly with this wording lmao), it made it very clear that his not innocent (I mean, he masturbated to a photo of a guy he didn't know, a client, did y'all really think he was innocent????). But this episode made it extra clear, he immediately clocked Dan's intentions, and he wasn't taken back or shy about it, he was flirting back (the same way he did flirted back with Boston at the beginning). These people are in college, they are not innocent in any way anymore, innocence is not in sight in this BL, at least not when it comes to relationships.

So, go Nick!! Hook up with your Daddy (you kink bunch), and have lots of kisses with him before hurricane Boston comes back to your life because he will and I'll be sat for it.

THE MOTHERS HAVE ARRIVED!!!

I was so excited for these two to be introduced, and this was the perfect timing. The way they immediately saw that something was off with Mew like they barely walked in and alarms were sounding in their heads. Finally, a parent figure that is parenting, missed those.

I think this was a really important moment for Mew to have right now. After this encounter with him and his mothers, Mew started to get back to himself. I remember that Mew's mothers were his inspiration, they are his ideal view on relationships, so I'm sure their presence made him remember that what he is doing right now is not what he wants for himself. Also, I think he just needed to have a good influence close to him.

The mothers didn't realize the uncomfortable vibe between Mew and Top, but I forgive them for it because they don't really know. I need more of them. I need more of the older lesbian couple, I need more of older queer couples to advise these youngsters (if I told y'all that I'm probably younger than them, would y'all believe it?)

BRING THIS MAN HIS GLASSES, HE IS BACK!

No one in this episode was as honest as Mew. I loved Nick's emotional speech. I loved Sand being open about his feelings about Ray. But Mew takes the cake for me, and it's not because he is my favorite.

Mew literally went after everyone he wronged here. He is apologizing, and taking responsibility for his actions, and he is the one who is reaching out. The first one he went to make peace with was Ray, loved that. I love that he said out loud that the reason he was with Ray was to hurt Top. Mew didn't try to bullshit, he was honest and clear with Ray. And I love that they said "I love you" to each other, for the first time (for Ray) in a non-romantic sense, just pure friendship love. I also love that they joked around afterward. I didn't love the way Ray didn't take accountability for his behavior, but I will talk about it later.

Then Mew went to Cheum, which, by the way, he was the only one to go and talk to Cheum after that mess of a party. He opens the conversation by saying that he went to apologize, then he looks at the faces of everyone who was saying he was being manipulated and said

I wasn't possessed by a ghost. I was just lost. I want you to understand that what happened to me affected my self-confidence so much. I just thought if I became someone else, I'd be stronger.

Yes, he behaved like a lot of people behave when they have their first heartbreak. Thank you P'Jojo for always getting it right.

This also confirms the theories around Mew trying to be someone else, mimicking someone else (in this case I really think he was a mix of Ray, Top, and Boston) because he was lost and hurt. I really hope he starts to work on his self-love and own his confidence. My baby deserves happiness :(

Are you happy? Well, that's over! Brace yourself because I'm coming back to write about him, my nemesis as of right now: Ray. I'll probably make a post only for him, so when that's done I'll link it here :)

[poodle-anon]

Poodle Anon’s Fic Directory

Hey there! I’ve written a bunch of stuff that’s had to be on anon, and since to my knowledge you cannot add them to a series within Ao3, I thought it best to collect them all together here in one post with a semi-arbitrary order. Currently doing this all on mobile so things may be a bit off in formatting but they SHOULD all be under link/link on ao3.

Most of my things draw from the Townhouse AU created by the lovely @st0rmyskies, but I do NOT consider my own works to be related to Linked Universe, personally. We serve linkshipping here, sir.

Have fun!

Ceremony

Champion's upbringing was not as easy as some. Extension of lore from Home Sweet Home: The Brave, and the companion piece to HSH:Run, and I suggest you read that one first. Gen fic, Champion-only. HSH/DF compliant. Heavily features hallucinogens/bad trips, cults, and hazing. Oneshot, 3,008 words. Mature

Digital Footprint

Champion returns to his body and all of Wild’s leftover possessions and data. Like nudes. So many of his own nudes that he does not remember taking. Self loving (in many forms) ensues. Champion/Wild. Attempting to be HSH Compliant. Cis!Champion (started before trans!Wild was canonized). My smut magnum opus for some reason. Work in Progress. 5/? chapters, 16,484 words (so far). 18+ (with some sfw chapters)

Breathe Out, So I Can Breathe You In

This one's The Weed Fic (™) where Legend and Champion smoke some, have a heart to heart, and get handsy. Legend/Champion, background Legend/Hyrule. Digital Footprint compliant but not really canon. Semi-HSH compliant. Trans!Champion Oneshot, 4,632 words. PG-13

Once, and In a Fantasy

Champion finds an old video of a fling he had with his longest running crush (Sky) once. Jealousy and jacking off ensue. Wild gets to have all the fun, doesn't he? Sky/Wild, Sky/Champion (unrequited). Digital Footprint compliant but not really canon. Semi-HSH compliant. Cis!Champion. Oneshot, 1,750 words. 18+

What I Am

Champion has a bad time with some of Time’s old habits, and both are terrible at communicating. This is their get-along lakehouse. Followup/hypothetical addition to What We Are. Involves heavy discussion of dysphoria, discomfort, and failsex/sudden safewording. Champion/Time. Based on LMTCOY Oneshot, 2,000 words and counting. Unpublished wip you can ask me about. 18+

Unexpected Obstacles

Champion has some old trauma that dies pretty damn hard, sometimes getting in the way of his sex life. Or: champion accidentally pulls a knife on Twilight during sex and is then sad about it, but everything turns out fine because Twi is a goober. Champion/Twilight. Sorta HSH compliant. Oneshot, 998 words. 18+

Poodle Anon’s Speakeasy Kinktober Collection (2022)

Super secret server I’m in did a kinktober! Had a lot of fun with these, it’s all over the place but just oneshots. Many different ships (primarily HSH), but includes OC Link, and canon-inspired situations 7 chapters, 6,861 words, 18+

Playing With Your Food

Collab with our dear St0rmy! Wild and Dark as vampires, per Blood Lust, give gorey head to their boyfriends. Under-discussed kink, CW for dick squick, and blood/minor gore. There are Flesh Descriptions. Wild/Time (my bit), Twilight/Dark (Stormy’s bit). Blood Lust compliant. MIND THOSE TAGS. Oneshot, 3,016 words, VERY 18+

Broken Mirror

Time is goaded into fucking Dark over his desk, harkening back to the days of their misspent youth under control of various entities where they also fucked against a wall when they were supposed to be killing each other. Not really a hatefuck, more like an annoyed-fuck? Smangst. Dark/Time. LMTCOY/HSH compliant-ish. Kinda rough but Dark is into it. Mind the tags. Oneshot, 2,348 words. 18+

Practical Exam

Direct followup to Chapter 18 of Let Me Take Care of You Sky gets a final “test” before “graduating” his Dom training. The test? Time has wanted this flyboy's dick since the first day of their training, Sky sweetly obliges and Time gets turned into a puddle of mush (rare subspace). It’s very cute. Time/Sky. LMTCOY compliant. Mostly aftermath of their scene and some aftercare. It’s cute. Mind those tags!!! Oneshot, 3,538 words. 18+

Bunny Love

Legend and Hyrule mess around and get all cute and gross like the happy couple they are. They’re going to give me fucking cavities. Legend/Hyrule, established relationship. LMTCOY compliant. Short and sweet. Oneshot, 899 words. 18+

Bonus: Followup to @miniscrew-anon's febuwhump fill! Champion wakes up from his second bonkening that returned him to the world, and starts getting caught up on what he’s missed. Guard boys being friends. No ship (gasp). HSH: The Brave compliant. Oneshot, just under 500 words. PG-13

[mrbexwrites]

Writblr Q& A

Tagged by @surroundedbypearls here. Thanks so much :D

1. What motivates you to write?

I don't know...I've always spent a lot of time in my own head, and I've always just written down the stories that my brain likes to make up for me ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. A line/short snippet of your writing that you are most proud/happy of. If not maybe share a line of someone else's work you love (just please credit them)

I absolutely adore this line by @sarahlizziewrites from her WIP Grey Sky Lark :

"I spent the better part of two decades looking for you. I would do it again."

It's just...it gives me actual chills and I think about this line at least once a week.

5. What part of writing do you think you are the best at? (Yes stroke your own ego it's okay)

I think the strongest aspect of my writing is my dialogue. I used to hate it when characters would speak, and I'd end up having them info dump and the speech would be so stilted and robotic. I worked hard to make my dialogue more realistic, and I (hope) my hard work has paid off, and it's now the best parts of my works!

6. What do you enjoy most about the Writeblr community?

I absolutely love seeing everyone else's creative process, and how generous people are with sharing their skills. So many of you just post massive chunks of knowledge about your own publishing/editing/writing experience to help us all get better at what we do, and I'm just in awe! I love the support that everyone has for one another.

7. A writing tool/device you use that helps you with writing? (It could be speech to text, a writing program etc)

I have a notebook to scribble ideas, names, plot lines etc. I've tried to use flash cards in the past, but I tend to lose them, so a note book it is. I treated myself to Scrivener but I haven't really transferred my WIPs across to it yet, as I've not properly had a chance to sit and familiarise myself with it. So still chipping away with Google Docs due to my own procrastination!

8. A piece of worldbuilding that you like in your own story? (It could be the magic system, a particular place in the story, a law etc)

So, Searching for Starlight, a WIP that doesn't get spoken about often has some excellent worldbuilding imo. I'm especially proud of the concept of 'solar sails' for how my spaceships were powered. Totally impractical and wouldn't be able to work with actual physics, but real-world stuff be damned!

9. What piece of advice would you say to encourage others to write if they are having a rough patch?

Just take it one day at a time. Don't force yourself, and be careful of burnout. Listen to music, walk, partake in media you life, and don't feel guilty for not working on your WIP 24/7. Your story deserves to be told, but not at the expense of your health (speaking as someone who hopitalised themselves a couple of years ago doing NaNo who definitely did not take my own advice- I am older and wiser now. Look after yourselves guys; be kind to yourself!)

Tagging @cee-grice @at-thezenith @sam-glade @scifimagpie @queen-tashie @cowboybrunch and leaving an open invite for anyone else who'd like to join in

[cute-girls-from-vns-anime-manga]

Man, that personal garage project post got me real curious. I wanna know more. I have a lot of questions but thankfully I just cut them down to a few major ones: When you started the project, did you make a proper schematic fully detailed and professional like or did you just start rough and improved it later on? Did you have all the tools or at least know which tools and equipment you needed in the beginning? How many items you had to order or just get new during the middle of the project (just give a % approximation)?

What was the hardest part of the project? The mechanical part, electronic part or a mix? What was the hardest mechanical part and electrical part btw? Are you willing to share all the possible schematics, list of items and any other project info that you are comfortable sharing? I'm not asking for anything personal or sensitive. Finally I have two questions that are just slightly related: Are you a machinist or an electrician? you have mentioned about you job before so I'm just confirming out of curiosity. Also can you share any schematics of projects, machines, parts you have worked on? I love that type of stuff so I'd be eager getting anything you don't mind sharing. This is for everything other than the garage project. I know I'm asking questions like a damn supervisor lmao 🤣 but really just wanna engage in shit. Gotta have some fun with tumblr

"When you started the project, did you make a proper schematic fully detailed and professional like or did you just start rough and improved it later on?"

I did draft up an entire series of schematics and blueprints they arent very comprehensive or details but I had to so I could submit them as a permit for the city I live in, though I did have to make on the fly adjustments to my plans as I went.

"Did you have all the tools or at least know which tools and equipment you needed in the beginning? How many items you had to order or just get new during the middle of the project (just give a % approximation)?"

I did have to buy a lot of the specialty tools for the project but Luckily I am pretty well stocked inheriting a bunch of tools from my father and grandfather best tool I already owned was a nice Multi meter I think the only Tools I really needed to spend money on was a conduit bender and cutter everything else could be done with screw driver bits I had. so maybe 5%

"What was the hardest part of the project? The mechanical part, electronic part or a mix? What was the hardest mechanical part and electrical part btw?"

Oh for sure It was the electrical part, the mechanical aspects of putting together the conduit bending and putting in the walls was something I have experience with, but I had only wired a few 120v outlets before this, I had to learn how to wire an entire subpanel properly witch took some damn doing Ill tell you

"Are you willing to share all the possible schematics, list of items and any other project info that you are comfortable sharing? I'm not asking for anything personal or sensitive."

Schematics are a no go since they had to be submitted as apart of my permit I consider those protected papers on a legal side of things. I dont even thing I have a list of the materials anywhere!

"Are you a machinist or an electrician? you have mentioned about you job before so I'm just confirming out of curiosity."

I am an Areospace Machinist NOT an electrician I took a big risk doing this project I have no training as an electrician. Repairing the mechanical structure of a plane engine requires no knowledge of wiring at all.

Also can you share any schematics of projects, machines, parts you have worked on? I love that type of stuff so I'd be eager getting anything you don't mind sharing. This is for everything other than the garage project.

Sadly this also falls under legally unable to disclose more due to NDA's and things that I am under than personally uncomfortable with sharing, I really wouldn't even feel comfortable saying what company I work for.

[wr1t3w1tm3]

Live Blogging My Reaction as I edit a Fic - Part 1

The fic is SEAWOLF on AO3. I'll link it at the bottom of this page.

First, I'm not even sure I want to keep the current story line. Currently the main OC - Theresa - is Rooster's kid but she may become Mav's kid in the rewrite.

Secondly... I'm copy and pasting this from AO3, so I'm gonna have to format.

Third: I'm editing the first chapter, but there is a chapter before that in the book that I'll edit at the end (bear with me). The link below is the link from Chapter 1, not the dossier.

Just changed my page layout to match what an average book setup would be and ooooohhh, pretty!

"A couple of nights later, Rooster learns why they got certified."

First line. This was a reference to a cut prologue which I published as a one-shot. In the early to mid-plot plan this was important. Now it's not.

Getting rid of these details is killing me, but there's so much superfluous stuff. It has to go. I have the original copy saved somewhere.

Just spent forever figuring out how to get rid of the spaces between paragraphs in google docs. Maybe I should've done this in word...

I really needed to declutter this chapter. At this point I'm just smoothing everything over.

Damn it, now I wanna split the chapter.

Ya'll I was in AP English in HS. I have spell check. I just can't spell worth shit.

I've always prided myself on realistic dialogue, but sometimes it's hard to differentiate my dialogue between characters because obviously, I'm a college student. I have one experience. But I'm working with characters that can't know normal college lingo. So I'm working on that while doing this and... it's a bit rough.

I was definitely trying to flex my limited medical and anatomical knowledge with this. Trying to be humbler now... but I actually have my CNA and Med Tech so...

Mmmm... I like hurting characters a bit too much.

Should I add page numbers now or...

*I'm hurting Rooster a lot. I like teenage trauma a bit too much...

Head canon: Carole had breast cancer which came back as breast as ovarian cancer after a couple years remission and thats what eventually killed her. This is due to the BRACA1 mutation, which wasn't well known until the 2010's ish. (BRACA1/BRACA2 will have implications down the line.)

My phones at 15% and my computers getting close and it's almost my bedtime. Can I finish the new chapter 1 in time?

This time I actually described the transformation. Kinda avoided that with the first draft.

In the og draft they didn't even call 911, but now they did so I guess the EMS guys are gonna show up this time.

That's all for tonight. Nearly done with new chapter one.

With the book page format, I'm at approx. 8 pages (7 full with like, 1/8 of the 8th filled) and 2,169 words. For reference, the original first chapter has 3,805 words. I think splitting will be the right decision because this book got big fast when I initially wrote it and I have got to get it down.

Is not a bad time to mention that it's also an Ice!Lives fic?

Original Fic link, as promised:

I know it says chapter two but it is really chapter one.

[ms-erin-kallus]

Left Me Begging to the Birds for a Bone or an Offering

Chapter 9

AO3 link ~ https://archiveofourown.org/works/44541196/chapters/123186934

word count ~ 3920

18+ only!

 ~ months later ~

She was a brunette with pretty, blue eyes and far more popular than he was. It was why he didn’t understand the first time she asked him to help her study. He legitimately thought it was a prank, and was so apprehensive beforehand that he almost didn’t meet her in the library like he had agreed to do the day before.

The two of them had attended the same pretentious preparatory academy for two years, and for most of those two years the most Alexsandr could do was give a shy smile if she looked his way. She was friends with pretty much everyone she met, he was not.

She was everything he wanted to be but nothing that he felt he deserved.

Even the school’s notoriously stiff faculty would always openly beam at her pleasant disposition and consistently high marks with a kind of praise they showed no one else.

Yet, he held the highest of scores and no one gave a single damn.

That was why he thought it was a trick. He just knew that some of their notoriously cruel classmates were lurking in the shadows as they waited for him to humiliate himself for all to see.

It was common knowledge that she would openly and gladly admonish anyone that she caught as a bully, but still, his doubt remained.

It wasn’t a ploy; in fact, she had shown up early and was waiting for him when he got there with a sweet smile and warm greeting.

“You’re late,” she joked.

Kallus was actually early so that he could do a quick sweep of the entire floor before he made his way to their study room. Much to his surprise, only a handful of people occupied seats throughout the large, open floor.

“Sorry,” he stuttered as his nervousness flushed hot and fast across his face. As a feeble attempt at a deterrent, he clumsily dropped his bag to the floor so that he could quickly duck and pretend to pick it up so that she couldn’t see the embarrassment he felt. It had been more than obvious, and so he stayed hidden under the table for as long as he could before his absence became more awkward than his actions.

“So,” she started from above him, “it appears that I’m having a hard time with this pesky math.”

“Oh,” he said before he looked over to see her face leaned down under the table with a giant, knowing grin framed by dark hair that fell messily around her face. In that instant he realized just how pretty she really was. Flawless was an understatement when she was seen roaming the halls of the school and dormitories, but out of her element, as a real person, she was so much more than mere ‘perfection’.

“I happen to really like math, so hopefully I can be of some assistance,” he said as he sat up and put his textbook and calculator in front of him with a long, quiet breath that was meant to relax him.

It did not. 

What he had told her was true, he really did like mathematics; so much so, that he actually wanted to be an engineer.

”You’ve got my name. You’ll go into the military like me and my father and his,” was the end of that dream.

“I don’t know, it’s pretty rough over here,” she said seriously as she pulled out her own notes and book. “I’m more of a computer hardware nerd but apparently there’s math in that too,” she scoffed to herself. “Never needed it before though,” he heard her say under her breath. 

Kallus barely heard her as he looked in almost terror at the chaos that was her ‘notes’.

“What the hell!” she exclaimed and pulled him from his fright as she reached over and grabbed his notebook from his hands. 

Her soft touch excited every one of his nerves instantly and lingered delicately on his skin long after.  

“Wow,” she slapped the book down in front of her. “Are these notes or blueprints to a high security military facility?” she joked as her fingers grazed over the color coded and perfectly organized information.

For a brief moment he imagined her fingers grazing lightly over him but quickly he shook the thought from his mind before he said something stupid, “organization is a key to control. If I know where everything is, then I don’t have to waste ti-“

“Can I just start copying these?” she cut him off as she slid it back over to him and pulled her own back in front of her as she sighed heavily in preconceived defeat.

“It’ll cost you,” he joked bravely.

She looked right at him, mischief in her green eyes, “name your price.”

There was no hiding the redness that he felt envelope his entire body as he hesitated to answer, but nothing reasonable came to his mind quickly enough, “to be determined.”

“A man of mystery. I like that,” she smirked as she picked up her chair and walked over next to him and sat it down at his side, closely. “Teach me, smart guy,” she playfully commanded as she pulled the hair that kept falling into her eyes into a loose braid and nonchalantly tossed it behind her.

And so the two carefully went over the basics of things so that he could figure out where she was actually struggling. He would write out an equation for her and watch diligently as she fumbled her way through, careful to point out her mistakes without embarrassing her. 

A very fast hour later they had worked through a portion of what she was struggling with when her stomach growled loudly.

“Sorry about that,” she laughed quietly before Kallus reached down into his bag to grab her one of the small snacks he usually carried with him, but came up empty. 

Crap, he thought as he remembered that he needed to replenish his supply after his last workout but forgot to. “I thought I had something in here but it looks like I do not. I can run down to the first floor and grab us something,” he said, being sure to say us rather than you so that she wouldn’t have as much to fight him with.

It didn’t work. 

“No you won’t,” she told him as she stood. “A snack is the least I can do for all of this,” she joked as she gestured her hand at the scattered mess that they had made. “I’ll be right back.” 

“Really,” he started before she glared down playfully at him. “I really don’t mind. It will give you time to look over things.”

There was no room for argument, and as she quickly reached down and grabbed a small wallet, he didn’t put up a fight, “I’ll be right back,” she told him before she turned and he watched her disappear around a corner.

A stupid smile crossed his face and he couldn’t help but let his mind wander into a place it never had before. She was kind, and pretty, and genuine and he wanted to spend every second with her more than anything else in the galaxy.

Sweet scenarios were still running through his mind when Kallus noticed that she had been gone for longer than he realized. Another ten minutes passed and he couldn’t wait for her any longer. Something was off, he could feel it, and he knew he needed to go look for her.

Maybe she ran into a friend? She does have a lot of them, he thought as he waited for the lift. She left all of her things. 

What felt like an eternity later the lift finally opened to the first level and his heart stopped instantly. 

A small group of people talked animatedly to two security guards by the large entrance into the building and somehow he knew it was about her.

His feet struggled to walk and could barely find his voice when he finally reached them to ask, “what is going on?”

“Have you seen a woman fitting this description?” one of the guards asked as they showed Kallus a school holopic of the girl he was also looking for.

“Yes,” he breathed out. “She was upstairs with me studying. She came,” he paused. “I let her come down here alone,” he stuttered. “I shouldn’t have let her come down,” he said quietly to himself. I should’ve had something for her.

Everyone in the group went quiet and focused their attention solely on him.

“When was this? You said she was alone?” 

“What is happening?” Kallus snapped. “She was with me fifteen minutes ago and now you’re trying to tell me she’s what? Missing or something?”

One of the guards looked at the other, “we got a report that a woman screamed and another student looked over to see two large people dragging whom we assume was her away. We need to know everything that has happened between you two tonight.”

The sound of screaming jerked Kallus’ head to his side. Just outside of the large floor to ceiling glass windows he saw her. She was running full speed,

with two large men close behind.

“There she is!” Kallus yelled as he grabbed one of the security guards by the shoulder and spun him around to see. “Look!”

“Hey, kid! Don’t touch me!” the man warned darkly as he glared back at him. “You’re already in enough hot water as is.”

“Can you not hear her? She’s right there!” Kallus pointed out of the window as he began to run to her, but terror shot through him when his feet would only skip a few short steps before they quickly cemented themselves back to the ground. He tried again in vain as the group of people stood around completely unaware of what was happening just outside.

“Alexsandr!” she screamed and he tried again to run to her but again, his feet wouldn’t take him to her. “It will be okay!”

“Why aren’t you doing something?” Kallus yelled as he watched one of the men catch and grab her.

“No! Someone do something!” Again he couldn’t move and again he heard her scream his name.

This isn’t real.

The girl continued to kick and punch at her assailant as she screamed over and over to a disinterested audience. 

“You deserved to be loved!”

In the blink of an eye, the second man caught up to them and Kallus watched him pull out a blaster and laugh before he pointed it straight at her body, incapacitated on the ground when the man holding her threw her down.

Wake up.

“Captain,” he heard voices cry out all through his mind.

Wake. Up.

A small hand reached above her in vain to stop what they both knew was coming. 

“No!” he heard himself scream through the cloud that surrounded him before his field of vision turned bright red and his mind finally released him from his agonizing torture.

Sleep paralysis.

Beads of sweat and tears left streaks of terrified remorse down his face as Kallus shot up so hard and fast he almost threw himself out of his bed. “Fuck,” he mumbled before he used his shirt to wipe the salt away from his tired eyes. The cold sting of adrenaline lingered in his veins that pumped so hard he thought they might explode as he rubbed uselessly at his temples and sighed.

He hadn’t thought about the girl in years. 

Scenarios of her disappearance created by the unknown danced through his mind like demons around a flame over and over, year after year.

It was more than he could handle.

It was how Alexsandr Kallus learned to compartmentalize trauma at far too young an age.

~ present day ~

Alexsandr Kallus sat at a hotel bar on Coruscant loathing his existence. He hated everything from the Empire, to the stupid ceremony that he had been dragged halfway across the galaxy for, to himself. But he especially hated what he knew what he was about to do.

He thought that surveilling the Rebel cause would help fill the gaping void left within him months prior, but it was merely a small patch on a large wound. It gave him something to concentrate on, and for that he was grateful, but it wasn’t a constant.

Thoughts still managed to creep deep into his mind, especially at night. 

Self medicating habits almost instantly became a regular occurrence; none of which were in the least beneficial for longer than he needed. Not a single one was remotely healthy.

Respectable was always an afterthought.

A small whirlpool formed as he swirled around yet another drink. He had easily lost count of them as he stared blankly at the ice circle and clink against the hard glass. If he had to be there, which he did not, then he at least was going to dull his senses enough to make it tolerable.

It wasn’t working.

Out of the corner of his eye he saw that she was still there; a pretty redhead with alabaster skin and piercing blue eyes. She had been staring at him for about half an hour and he finally had enough alcohol in him to manage to look back.

The woman slid off of her barstool and glided over to him. Her hips swayed effortlessly and caused the skirt of her long, revealing dress to dance from side to side like some sort of seductively irresistible mating call. He knew exactly what she was doing.

It was working.

Hello there,” she said in a low voice as she sat down next to him. “You’re far too handsome to look so sad.”

He almost laughed in her face.

“Well,” he started as he downed the last of his drink, “it’s been a sad few months.”

She tilted her head to the side and purposefully elongated her neck which caused a stir deep in his belly, “I’m sorry to hear that.”

I’m sorry to be living it.

“Wanna go forget about it?”

“Yes,” he said simply as he threw a handful of credits onto the bar top with disregard to whether the total was correct or not as he stood. A wave of dizziness hit him like a speeder and he had to blink hard a few times before he regained his composure enough to lead the woman into the hallway and to the elevator bay.

She pushed the button to go up before she turned around and pushed herself up against the wall. Her hand reached out with intent and grabbed him by the waistband before she pulled him into her and slowly ran her hands up his chest to thread her fingertips into his facial hair. His eyes closed as his stomach turned, but he didn’t pull away. He never did anymore.

It was better than the alternative. At least that’s what he always told himself. 

The door to one of the lifts opened and she rolled around him and pushed him in. “What floor?”

“Twenty,” he mumbled as she pressed the button and turned back to face him.

“You didn’t hit me as the shy type,” she said quietly as she gently palmed his crotch.

He took a sharp breath in and fell back into the wall, “don’t have much to say.”

“Good,” she whispered as she began to roll her fingers in a miserably pleasurable massage; her other hand crept up around his neck before she pulled him down to kiss her but, to his relief, the doors opened before she could. “Lead the way,” she ordered as the corner of her mouth drew up and she pulled him out by his hand. 

Kallus quickly guided her to his room in an awkward silence that was broken only by the sound of the beep from his keycard that opened his door.

“Fancy,” she said simply as she walked in and over to look out of the window.

“Yeah,” was all he said as he closed the door and took off his boots.

The light from outside of the window illuminated her silhouette beautifully when she turned around to face him. He found her stunning, far more attractive than Rhoan but somehow less attracting. 

Kallus could easily take the woman home, but he wouldn’t keep her there.

“So shy,” she giggled before she pushed the strings of her dress from her shoulders. It fell gracefully to the ground around her as she pulled her chin down to look at him seductively before she stepped out of the fabric at her feet. “I hope that changes.”

Doubtful, he thought as he released the seal of his tunic and let it fall gracefully from his shoulders to the floor.

A low hum escaped her throat as she slowly looked up and down his chest and, for some reason he couldn’t explain to himself he felt a twinge of pain shoot through him. 

You brought her up here for this reason, he scolded himself before he wrapped his hands underneath her and pulled her up to his waist. Her legs instinctively wrapped around him as he walked over to the bed and sat her down.

The woman scooted toward him to sit on the edge of the bed and began to reach for the buckle of his pants before he swatted her away. A look of confusion crossed her face but quickly turned to a small, fiendish smile when he stepped out and kicked them to the side.

Even in the darkened light he could see the woman tilt her head in morbid curiosity as she stared at the scars that wrapped around his abdomen and his breath caught at the idea of her fingers on his skin.

The ideation turned to a sickening reality when she reached toward him, and without realizing it, he grabbed her wrist hard and growled down at her, “don’t.”

A look of panic filled her eyes when he didn’t immediately let go.

It took a few seconds for Kallus’ wits came back about him; he hadn’t realized that he held onto her for as long as he had and he quickly let go. “Sorry,” he mumbled, “just…don’t”

The anxiety in her demeanor didn’t change as quickly as he liked, and for a brief moment he swore that she was going to get up and walk out.

She didn’t.

Instead, she took the not so subtle hint as she grabbed his arm instead and jerked him toward her.

Just as he macabrely craved, she pushed his semi erect penis through the tight circle she made with her thumb and forefinger. A deep moan instantly escaped his throat and he dug his fingers deep into his hips as she moved her hand back and forth along the length of him.

The slow assault continued, eventually graduating to her using her whole hand as she twisted her wrist back and forth together with increasingly harder strokes, but he barely responded. The next system over heard her loud blatant sigh as she moved down to the floor. An unstoppable embarrassment quickly shot a strong heat across his face.

“Sorry, I guess I had more to drink than I could handle,” he lied.

“It’s alright,” she also lied as she looked up at him before she leaned forward and took him into her mouth.

“Fuck,” he breathed out heavily as his head fell back and he stared at the ceiling. Fuck.

The woman moved slowly, letting her tongue drag along the artery underneath before she made small circles around the head. He responded to that and she continued, increasing in speed incrementally.

Soft tresses threaded into his fingers as he put his hand behind her head and looked down on her with intent.

The sight of her dark hair that fell swept around her shoulders, drew a charmed smile across his face as his fingers gently moved a lock behind her ear instead.

The woman brought her hands up and around his waist and grabbed onto each globe of his ass as she pushed him deep into her throat with force a few times before pulling back and looking up at him.

Kallus let out an exaggerated breath and blinked hard a few times before he looked down into her pretty eyes. A smirk played at his lips before he bent down and picked her up to toss her onto the bed. Her playful laugh echoed through the room when she made impact, and as she slowly backed to the middle of the bed he crawled with and overtook her.

There was a twitch right where he liked it when she bit her bottom lip, and he suddenly pushed her legs further apart and slid between them before he buried his face into her neck. A line of sweet kisses slowly, led to her ear when suddenly he felt her tense up.

Kallus looked at her and she furrowed her brow ever so slightly before she rolled him over and straddled him. Without breaking eye contact, she ran a finger down his chest to his pelvis and moved him right to where she wanted him. Suddenly and without warning, she trust down on him hard and fast and he let out a loud cry as he dug his fingers into her thighs.

“Now that I have your attention,” she said snidely before she put her hands on his chest and began to roll her hips up and down.

He looked up at her with sincere confusion, but only briefly before his eyes closed and his breathing deepened. She was not gentle and he didn’t care. It kept his mind from wandering and it was deeply welcomed relief. Complete concentration went into how good she felt, so much so that he was only snapped back to reality when she began to cry out his name.

“Alex,” she repeated over and over as she moved back and forth on him, her head had fallen back and her hands were tangled in her hair. “Gods, Alex, I’m gon-“ she didn’t finish as her body launched forward into multiple spasms and loud cries that indicated she had reached absolute bliss.

It took her a long few minutes to regain her composure before he shot up and spun her underneath him. Hazel green eyes looked into him as he entered her again, his mouth fell open over hers as he slowly did. Unlike the woman, he was gentle and rhythmic and attentive. His thumb brushed along her jawline before his fingers wove into her hair yet again as he pulled her face to his.

Her eyes fell closed as he felt her tighten around him once more, and as he whispered her name sweetly into her ear he felt himself clench and the build up finally release. He groaned loudly and thrust into her once more before he fell clumsily onto his side.

Alexsandr reached over to pull her into his chest, but she slapped him away from her as she rolled over and walked to the window where her clothes were.

“Is something wrong,” he asked as he pushed himself up onto his elbow.

“Seriously,” she snapped back as she pulled her dress over her head and smoothed out her hair. She glared at him until she realized that he was completely clueless. “Whoever you are, you’re not the only one with shit they’re trying to forget,” she hissed at him.

“Also, my name isn’t Rhoan.”