#my own version of mikey has only 1 interaction with ronin

[smallturtlebomb]

when u wanna use ur many rp blogs but u don’t know who to rp with

[fire-fira]

More TMNT Junk (this time 2003 post-canon!)

[Ao3 version]

Soooooo I was vaguely thinking about posting this, and then I saw shit that the soggy cheetoh’s doing on my dash, and decided screw it-- to temporarily shove aside that unpleasant BS here’s some more TMNT stuff.

(Full disclaimer, most of this came from me babbling to @sounddrive about this concept. Plus a couple added things thanks to @babblingweirdnonsense. Because why the hell not?)

SO

Just imagine the 2003 turtles living a ridiculously long time. I mean ridiculously long. Like still going strong when they’re around 121. (You can’t really tell me that it couldn’t happen when the Ninja Tribunal are thousands of years old and still look like they’re in their 30s-40s. If they can do it, so can these boys.)

It might be their mutation or it might be their level of chi control (or it might be both), and somehow Usagi's hanging on as long as they have (because separating Leo from his husband after that long would be cruel).

Yes you read that right, we’re going full-on Leosagi/katanashipping for this.

Of course with them being so old that brings up the question of why they wouldn’t have been present for the events of season 6 (since most of it takes place 100 years after they were 18). But I’ve got an explanation for that!

20 years prior to those events they got caught up in a war in Usagi's world and got stuck there. It wasn't supposed to become a war-- it was probably originally just supposed to be a vacation, time away from loud city noises and all that-- but nope! One thing led to another and escalated out of control, and they couldn't turn their backs because that wouldn't be fair-- and then some pain-in-the-ass magic user tried to trap them in that world (maybe to make sure they couldn't get reinforcements).

- Needless to say, they weren’t happy about that.

- So much inventive swearing from Raph. SO MUCH.

Plus Mikey probably adopting who knows how many kids. Because it’s Mikey and he’d hate the idea of leaving any orphaned kid behind when he can do anything about it.

- Though of course this is in addition to any kids he had already adopted over the decades who were spread out over their world and Usagi’s. So he just ends up with even more kids even though he’s already a grandpa... and a great-grandpa... and very likely a great-great-grandpa.

- Mikey will not be stopped.

- Leo and Usagi probably also have their own gaggle of adopted kids/grandkids/great-grandkids (although some actually related to Usagi through his son Jotaro, which is the family secret everyone pretends not to know, at least in Usagi's world), but they've got nothing on the sheer number of children and babies Mikey has taken in. There've been jokes that Mikey alone is going to completely rebuild the Hamato clan just through the number of kids he takes in.

Donnie in Usagi’s world mourns his lack of access to the tech he's used to, but he's been figuring out work-arounds. Mainly because sometimes when he's out in the field he wants nothing more than to just electrocute someone in a fight. What scares others is that he's got several nieces/nephews/etc. who have taken an interest in his inventions and tech to the point that they're sometimes referred to as a specific 'sub-division' of the Hamato clan (which can 'command lightning' and other such claims that most of them scoff at).

Raph's also got parts of the family that will happily glom onto him and follow him around and gleefully switch into 'coordinated ninja mode' when he gives the signal. People outside of the family tend to see Raph as one of the most terrifying of the family, but everyone in the family see him as a big old teddybear.

- Raph tends to lean on the 'scary' facade to keep people at a distance, because by that point he knows that if he doesn't then he's going to end up with a fan club. Again. And people are going to be throwing themselves at him. AGAIN. And he learned his lesson the last time (mostly).

- Though not being able to go anywhere in Japan in Usagi's world when he was about 50 without having people trying to throw themselves at him in increasingly desperate attempts to court him or while pledging their undying love to him was enough of a nightmare that he's amazed that sometimes he still forgets about trying to maintain a distance. Even worse, he still has a few diehard hangers-on that have yet to give up even though they've been trying to chase him for decades. (Usagi thinks this is absolutely hilarious and routinely ends up in cackling fits with Leo over it.)

- Mikey sometimes helps Raph dodge his fans and plays innocent if they spot him.

- (Raph was not counting on being seen as so attractive the first time he went to Usagi's world. For several subsequent visits he still wasn't prepared. When he found out about the first 'fan club' the poor man almost fainted, only to end up hiding for about five hours instead.)

People in that world are reasonably unsurprised by the fact that the turtles are still around (because I can easily imagine turtles in that world on average probably being a little longer-lived), but the surprise comes in with the fact that Usagi's still alive.

- He has made vague comments that maybe living with turtles for so long has affected him.

- He's also made vulgar jokes of varying levels of subtlety that have led Leo to facepalm, blush, clamp a hand over Usagi's mouth, or deliberately interrupt so that he won't have to hear one more comment about how sleeping with Leo has 'magically extended' his life.

- Mikey is terrible and cackles every time. Naturally he encourages Usagi's comments just because Leo is 'Too Old For This Shit™', and therefore it's all the more hilarious to him.

- Usagi’s comments may have drawn them more attention than Leo would prefer.

- (You can thank @babblingweirdnonsense for this sub-point addition.)

Usagi: "The true secret of immortality is to worship the flesh of the Kappa Ninjas. I have bedded the leader, and he in turn worships my flesh and gives me life."

Leo: "Stop telling people that sleeping with me will make them live longer."

Usagi: -winking- "I'm trying to make our bed a bit more fun."

- Leo: "...Look what you did. I bet you're proud of yourself."

Usagi: -smirks- "I am indeed. After all, I know all about the magic of a skilled turtle."

Leo: ". . .I love you, but please stop saying words.”

- Raph and Donnie have mastered 'tuning this shit out for the umpteen-millionth time™'. (The kids still have various levels of shrieking about it though, which is part of what makes it so hilarious to Usagi and Mikey both. They both have a terrible sense of humor.)

Mikey's go-to excuse for why he won't settle down with someone while they're stuck in that world for those 20 years is that he's "married to being a parent" and doesn't have time for a partner. Considering the number of great/grand/kids he has, no one's going to disagree.

- It’s mostly because he doesn’t want to end up in the same situation as Raph.

Then there's the perpetual argument over whether Mikey trying to refer to their family as a clan of 'ninjurai' or 'roninja' is remotely acceptable. He insists that both mashup terms fit perfectly since their family is made up of so many ninja and samurai/ronin. Most of the family disagrees on the principle of 1) those aren't real words, and 2) as old as he is why does he still insist on butchering Japanese as much as possible? (He insists because even as an old man he gets a kick out of being a little shit.)

- Other contenders for mashup terms Mikey’s gotten his family to shoot down are: samuninja, shinorai, ronobi, shininja, and rinjarai.

- Even his great/grand/kids have jokingly threatened to disown him for that.

- The argument has had various iterations going for decades

Everyone who knows anything about the family knows that if they want to interact with anyone who gives a sense of being calm, respectful, polite, and so on to go to Leo. And yet despite this everyone also knows that the five old men are possibly the best fighters in Japan; that all five of them are skilled, resourceful, and responsible. It still doesn't change the fact that at times Leo seems to be the only one who cares even a tiny bit about formality anymore.

- It also doesn't help that Leo probably knows entirely too many secrets from too many high-ranking officials scattered throughout that world's Japan.

- 'Oh yes! The responsible one! The leader! Now we can get some proper negotiations out of the wa- Oh no. It's him.'

- Old man Leo keeping a polite face even while the barest hint of a smile is on his face and amusement is dancing in his eyes-- because he knows.

Donnie's gotten so used to saying outrageous things in a deadpan due to having to occasionally explain his tech as 'magic' that there are times where he'll say something like, "No, it's intended to make an entire wall of a building explode if you sneeze near it," without even giving a hint that he knows he said anything that doesn't make sense.

- Raph may or may not have scared off some obnoxious would-be trouble-makers by telling them that if they didn't straighten up that he'd tell Donnie to just go ahead and summon the demons already.

- Leo's given up trying to tell the two of them to not say things that imply they're sacrificing people in some sort of twisted blood ritual. He's just grateful that their reputation is so wide-spread and they're so well-thought-of (if regarded as very strange) that most people seem to know not to take those comments seriously.

- Usagi may have once claimed that he was sacrificed and brought back from the dead several weeks in a row. Leo just rolled his eyes and pretty much told him to stop telling people that he'd let his brothers ritualistically kill his husband on a regular basis.

When Mikey wants to be lazy or a pest at the kids, he absolutely pulls the 'I'm old, I'm so achy and tired, I can't possibly get to my feet and walk that short distance to get (insert whatever here)' card. No one buys it. They've seen him in a fight, during training, etc. They know he's not 'frail', 'weak', or 'fragile' no matter how much he plays it up.

- Which at least once has resulted in a bout of--

"I can't possibly go on! I'll just stay here. And die. Of thirst. Because my grandchild who I thought loved me won't help dear old Grandpa."

"Grandpa. You were running across rooftops an hour ago. I highly doubt that you 'can't' get up."

"Dying. Of thirst. Leo! Leo, are you there?! Everything... going... dark..."

Leo just shaking his head. "No one in the family believed it when we were kids, no one's believing it now."

"I... can't possibly... move..." Over-exaggerated theater gasp.

"...Grandpa. I don't believe you. That didn't even sound close to a death rattle. And you can see the tea kettle from where you're sitting."

"...Too bad I don't have a good swivel-chair here."

"Mikey, no."

- (This is another sub-point you can thank @babblingweirdnonsense for.)

Mikey: “Child! Please give me that plate of food one foot away from me. My knees hurt.”

Child: “Father, I saw you beating an enemy ninja not two hours ago.”

Mikey: “I am sore from the fight.”

Child: “You were doing a handstand five minutes ago.”

Mikey: “I can no longer walk on my feet! Only my arms work now.”

When they’re finally able to go back to their world (a year after their younger selves return to their time) the media almost has a meltdown. Especially since Cody is able to confirm that they’re them. (Because realistically you can’t tell me that Donnie isn’t a famous scientist in that time. All four of them probably ended up in history books.)

Donnie keeps his deadpan semi-nonsense explanations. (Explaining to family or someone who gets what he’s talking about or doing is one thing. To others? He’ll still say things like “It’s magic” and leave it at that.)

- "No, really, how does it work?"

"The power of jesus."

- It even carries over to Donnie talking to reporters.

Reporter: “Where were the four of you for all these years?”

Donnie: "I could tell you-"

Raph: "-but then he'd have to kill you."

Donnie: "-No I wouldn't. But it'd be difficult to answer."

Reporter: "Could you try to explain?"

Donnie: "...Somewhere over the rainbow and in another dimension."

Raph: "Don, we weren't in frickin' Kansas."

Donnie: "Close enough."

Raph: "No it wasn't. Wasn't even on the same side o' the planet.”

And to top it all off, there’s the random thought of someone trying to suggest that one of the older turtles should probably sit in a chair normally (while they're either sitting on the back or on an arm or upside-down, who knows what), mostly out of concern that they might fall since they’re so old, and just the whole,

"Child, I am far too old and nowhere near straight enough to care about how other people think about how I'm sitting when I'm comfortable."