#my opinions are informed by my experiences and conversations with my jewish community

[transmascpetewentz]

"Converting to Judaism" lol you're not even a real Jew you just want an excuse to be a Zionist pig

...ok???

[a-very-tired-jew]

Hey there! I'm curious about Judaism. I've been doing some research but as you can probably imagine especially these days i've been getting a LOT of mixed messages. Much like anyone I know general background information but I wanted to dig deeper and see exactly what the process of conversion is? As well as other offhand questions which are best asked to someone who lives that life. Like how does the Jewish community largely interact with LGBT+ folk? Thank you and i'm sorry if i'm asking a lot from you!

It's totally okay to ask all this. Unfortunately I am not the best one to ask about the conversion process. I am a secular Jew who was born and raised in it. I was molded by it. I didn't see a Christmas tree till I was in the second graaaaade. *more incoherent Bane noises*

There are a number of converts and people current converting on here who can speak to their own experiences and what they did/currently are doing. When I speak on Jewish issues I tend to speak from the secular, cultural, and historical side of things that I have experienced and researched. Regarding the LGBT+ question, the area where I grew up in the USA is one of the largest interstate Jewish communities. As such, the politics within are reflective of the politics outside of it. Meaning, we've got people who are absolutely homophobic and transphobic, and we've got people who are supportive and make sure we're accepted. I personally grew up in the Reconstructionist movement which was/is extremely left and very accepting. The greater Reform community that we existed in was accepting as well. From my understanding acceptance was really relegated to your local community and the views contained within. I know plenty of Conservative Jews who are LGTB+ and accepted by their community, but I also know ones that left the synagogue they were part of when they came out and switched to a more accepting one. Again, it's all about finding what feels right to you and provides in the manner you need. I know less about the Orthodox cultural acceptance, but that is simply due to me not interacting with members as much. Maybe someone else can weigh in. However, you must remember that when you put two Jews in a room, you will get three opinions. Meaning someone else could completely disagree with all of this, then we discuss, and come to a completely different conclusion. It's just how it works.

[shalom-iamcominghome]

Shalom!

I'm on a journey to convert to judaism but I have no idea how to tell my family. I'm 26 years old so I am old enough to do things on my own and de decide for myself. But I come from a atheist family, besides from my somewhat religious grandma (christian), her very christian sister, my aunt who's more spiritual and my christian cousin (on my dad's side). But both my parents are very atheist, my mom earlier said today she knows g-d isn't real. I still am searching on what I believe and don't believe but I know I feel at home in judaism and this very beautiful community. But it's just, how do I tell them? Do I tell them?

I'll give some context and say that my dad is the only person I have intentionally told about judaism, though the way he found out was essentially through gossip. I don't have the direct experience of sitting someone down with the intention to tell them (though I have come out as trans and in my opinion, it can be similar to telling others about conversion).

So, first off, I would ask yourself why you may want them to know. That might seem like a question with an obvious answer, perhaps, but I think it's important. Do you hope that they'll accommodate your potential needs after you tell them, such as letting you observe shabbos or keep kosher? Do you want them to understand a facet of your identity? When you understand why you might want to tell them this information, you can start to understand what it is that you need from them.

There are many ways to tell them this, so I'll say: do what comes naturally to you. Do you have difficulty speaking, but writing is a breeze? You could write them a letter or email. You could talk over the phone, or have coffee. However, tell anybody in a neutral environment. Avoid revealing this in the heat of an argument, or if there's tension between you and the other person/people. They will be much less willing to be understanding.

If you decide to tell them, you may want to focus on how judaism enriches your life or makes you happy. So perhaps you could go into happy memories of how you came to judaism - they may never understand your decision, but they don't need to understand it on a personal level. If they know that you are fulfilled and happy, they may be more receptive. You don't need to defend your religious beliefs whatever they are, or what practices you keep - just emphasize how they contribute to your life or sense of self.

Finally: you don't have to tell anybody any information you don't want to. I tend to leave out a ton of information when I am talking about my personal identity with judaism. My dad, for example, would simply not care for or remember that I'm converting. He would find it confusing. As far as he's concerned, I'm religious, I'm in a jewish community, and I am semi-observant. You don't have to pour out your heart and soul to appeal to others, and if like me, you like keeping your thoughts, feelings, and identity close to your chest, you can. In the same vein, my family knows I'm trans but doesn't know I'm queer because I'm protective of my identity and I don't think it's relevant. In the exact same framework, this can apply to your journey of conversion. Use your best judgement.

Some more practicalities: try to discern what their opinions are of jews. I felt safe around my dad about my affiliation with judaism because he has been much better about religious tolerance than other things. I knew that he knew very little about jews, but that his ignorance was rather benevolent disinterest because he already has a religion and a community he feels he belongs to. Things like that can be a decent litmus test as to how they might react to knowing your affiliation with judaism. However, there are people who are accepting only if it's strangers doing it, not a loved one. That one is really tricky to figure out until you essentially come out to them, however, it isn't always a guarantee that they will be unaccepting

I wish you all the best, anon. I know you'll make the right choice for you, and I hope you are able to embody all of what makes you exactly as g-d created. You've got this, and I hope you feel welcomed enough here to come back as often as you'd like

[thrashkink-coven]

Koschey's Skull (it is my side blog) here.

I think one of the most fascinating, yet disappointing experiences with watching Christians defend their stances is how uneducated they are on their own subject material.

But it isn't just the lack of education. It is the lack of desire to want to bridge gaps, create more open understanding, think critically, or fix that lack of education. The desire to die on a hill with a narrow view of the material they claim to be so passionate about is a very intense testimony of the indoctrination that is prevalent in very closed minded cult communities.

It is why people criticise Christianity AS a cult. They maintain a narrow, closed minded and ignorant view of their own beliefs and refuse to encompass the entire berth of their own religion. They just subscribe to whatever specific and niche belief they would desire to have. And anything outside of that narrow lens is wretched and abhorrent - by extension, requiring them to take up their historical biblical arms to battle anyone that refuses to see things THEIR way.

The desire to oppress other people and "correct" them without actually having the information that they should have is always concerning. And obviously I don't believe that they will ever come out of the narrow box that they put themselves in. I don't expect them to expand their horizons or educate themselves on the diversity and historical (and cultural) evolution and beliefs. But it is kind of sad to see and it reminds me that people don't want to evolve their understanding sometimes. They just want to argue.

Which is fine. But I wish they would understand that in order to actually have a defensible argument you do need to be educated enough on the subject material. And they simply are not.

couldn’t have said it better myself.

The thing about this that bothers me the most is that the early Isrealites, Jews, even early Christians, were real people who’s lineage still exists today. I am very concerned with upholding those people’s truth even if I don’t “agree” with it because I have immense respect for their culture and history. It’s incredibly frustrating to see people take the work (actually, I’ll go as far as to call it art, because the Bible is a work of art) of people, completely disregard their intentions and their cultural context, and then use their scripture to justify something they never would have supported. That in my opinion is cultural appropriation.

We don’t have to guess what the Bible means or what the people intended. There are so so so many Rabbis, Priests, and religious scholars who have dedicated literal centuries to understanding the intentions of the ancient people. When we take the time to actually research and read what those people said, we can understand what they believed God to have said.

In my research I actually ended up reaching out to a couple practicing jews and christians to hear their perspectives, because I am not Christian nor Jewish, and so I truly cannot understand the text as it was intended to be perceived by followers of YHWH. I love talking to people about their religion, and I was lucky enough for a couple of them to actually ask priests and rabbis in their community my questions because they too care about the intended truth. And those rabbis and priests were surprisingly open and willing to discuss this because they also care about the intended truth! They were so happy that people, especially seculars, still care enough about the truth to ask questions, and our conversations only gave me more incentive to actually learn about the history of the Bible and the culture that created it.

One person who I talked to on Reddit, who is a Christian youth group pastor said “I’m just happy you’re reading the Bible and asking questions because most people like you (pagans, heathens, luciferians and demonolaters) don’t even read the Bible and just run off with your own conclusions that it’s all bad. IMO it’s so much more meaningful to read the Bible and pay enough attention to have these questions, than to just follow it blindly because you think you should. Even if you never convert or fully agree I encourage you to keep going! We need people like you to keep us curious haha.”

People talk about the Bible as if it is not a piece of cultural art, as if it just appeared one day in isolation from the people. As if our modern values will ever be more important than the intentions of the ancient people when the text was written. And it’s a very bitter and sad way of disrespecting the people who gave you the book, religion, and doctrine you cling to so hard.

As a pagan devoted to a deity, I love my Goddess. oh my Gods I love my Goddess so much!!!!!

And I will put in the effort learn every little thing about her, the cultures who created her, and the history of her origins. The good, the bad, the ugly, the weird, and the shit that doesn’t even make sense. Because I love her, I am devoted to her eternally, and I truly wish to know her as one would know an old friend. So I truly cannot understand Christians who claim to love their God but can’t even be bothered to learn the first thing about him, his people, or how he came to be.

[jewish-vents]

I recently had to move two hours away from all the nearest big cities around me, and now I'm in a place with a way smaller Jewish community. Recently now more than ever I've been needing community support, especially given that I'm a convert and I never truly got a chance to finish the process. The only place I can turn to is the Chabad community, but I'm not as knowledgeable about them as I was with my reform community. I'm always nervous about reaching out, and about how older people will take to me being trans (male). I've also heard a lot of controversy/judgement coming from other Jewish communities directed at Chabad? I'm a bit confused about the whole thing. I genuinely have no idea if I should reach out or wait until I can move somewhere else. It sucks feeling so isolated

Ok so, I don't have a lot of knowledge or experience with Chabad communities, but I asked some friends who do know a bit more, and this is what they said:

- if you're looking to finish your conversion with them, it's not very likely it will be possible. Maybe if you're looking to be orthodox, but I'm guessing from your ask that that's not exactly what you want.

- you might want to see if your previous rabbi might let you finish the process online. I know some people who did that after they moved because they had already started with a rabbi and wanted to keep that one for the rest of it. You might have to travel for Beit Din and mikveh, but I mean it's better than nothing. Alternatively, if your previous rabbi will not want to do that, try to find a rabbi who might be ok with a lot of the process being online. I know there are some who do that, even if I don't know who exactly.

- about attending Chabad services independently of conversion. That will depend a lot on the branch and on the community itself. It might be worth a try, there is really no way to know what the answer will be until you ask, but the worst that can happen is they say no. Which I know doesn't feel great, but just remember that doesn't mean something is wrong with you specifically

- another thing to consider is the fact you're trans. People have different opinions over disclosing one's transness vs staying stealth, especially when we're talking about communities where gender (and sex) have a wide difference. It's likely, even after you convert, you might not be allowed to lead a service or do things they would consider "for men". Also, how well you pass might dictate which side of the mechitza you'll be put on (aka, if they'll let you sit with the rest of the men). I know this is really uncomfortable to even think about, but I just want to be realistic with you so you can make an informed choice and are ready if you do attend at some point. Independently of one's opinions on that type of gender roles, it is their community and they do make the rules there

All this being said, some people have very positive experiences with Chabad, some less. Depends on the community, what you're looking for, etc

Wishing you the best of luck! And if someone else has opinions of advice for Anon, leave it in the replies or reblogs please

-🐺

[kosherkept]

I hope nothing in my ask sounded condescending or anything! (or implied you don't know what you're talking about or something, sorry I'm autistic and struggling a lot of with communication rn) But yeah it's definitely not normal for a rabbi to recommend not doing any learning yourself, ive talked to four rabbis about converting cause I was looking for one that would be best suited to me as a queer trans person in the rural south, and every one of them recommended studying independently and learning/immersing myself in the open aspects of Jewish culture to see if converting would make sense in my life and to go ahead and start the process and I did for basically the whole year I was waiting for the intro to judaism class, I was even attending synagogue for about 4-5 months before the class and most reform synagogues will let you start attending services if you want and are able to so that you can get involved with your local Jewish community and get a feel for the services, anyways I wanted to say sorry for giving a bunch of unsolicited advice I realized when you answered my ask that was more so a vent looking for people whove have similar experiences and not like, a call for advice, sorry for completely misunderstanding it! I just am very passionate about Judaism and my conversion process and love to talk to other people who are trying/thinking about converting and it tends to get a little rambly, the only other thing I really wanna say but you can definitely ignore if you don't feel like it would help is to not put all learning and everything aside completely, the conversion process as a whole is much easier if you go into it with a pretty good base knowledge and my Rabbi told me that it showed I was serious about wanting to convert and truly dedicating myself to a Jewish life even when other people aren't looking (and in my case more meaningful because me and my Rabbi have time to focus on more specific things like queer Jewish history, disabled Jewish history and other like more niche specific things)

also sorry this is really the last thing but I'm pretty sure I have a lot of the same feelings about choosing a Jewish life (correct me if I'm wrong), I felt personally like it was really heavily aimed at people converting just for marriage and kinda implied that most people wouldn't convert just for the love of it on their own which, kinda felt a little bad to me personally, and I really didn't like the assumption that everyone converting is already involved in the Jewish community in some way or connected to it through family or their partners family, it definitely presents some things in a way that I didn't enjoy reading very much, living a Jewish life by Anita Diamont is completely different in vibe and it's more about the customs, history, prayers, holidays, mitzvot, and minhag of the Jewish community and in my opinion it was much kinder and friendlier than choosing a Jewish life, it was basically all informative and not anecdotal

anyways sorry again! I hope nothing in this ask was rude/condescending either but if it was please feel free to correct me cause I certainly didn't mean for it to be I just really enjoy talking about these things and have a bad gauge of tone

hi!!! i'm sorry if i replied in a way that made it out to seem i thought your ask was unwelcome or condescending, it wasn't at all!! im also autistic so we're just 🤝 . i wasn't looking for advice but it's natural to want to offer it to other people and i'm not upset about it so it's totally fine

and yes i heavily agree about the book!! i've ended up skipping some chapters entirely since i'm not wanting to convert 1. for a fiancé, nor 2. as a christian or soon to be ex-christian. the entire segments about giving up christmas were so weird to me since she didn't clarify in the introduction that the book was primarily for christians, although i don't remember if she said anything about the book being for partners of jews. but i do like her writing style so maybe i'll have to check out her other book as well

[clumsyclifford]

Do you think you’ll write jalex again? I know things are weird rn within atl-world, but you write that pairing so well. Definitely don’t want you to do something you’re uncomfortable doing, but just curious! Your writing is amazing :))

hello anon!! this is a good and legitimate question so i wanted to wait until i could sit down and give you a proper answer for it.

so the short answer is yes, i think i probably will. at least for the time being, when we're still in a big black hole of ~uncertainty~, i don't think that writing fanfiction about characters who, while technically based on real people, are not in any way meant to actually depict those real people - i don't think that's necessarily a show of support. i realize everyone will have a different threshold for what they consider "supporting" the band, and not everyone is comfortable still doing so, and i respect everyone's various opinions and thoughts and feelings. paige @danswank started a really good conversation about it over on her blog, but it really boils down to: everyone is going to respond differently and the most important thing right now is to respect that. we don't have a lot of concrete facts, so it comes down to interpretation and personal experience and a lot of other subjective, ineffable stuff.

anyway that's kind of tangential. the point is, as i see it, there are different, yknow, tiers of supporting an artist. giving them money - supporting them financially - is probably the biggest one, and at the moment i'm not in a place to be doing that. there's also vocal support, as in literally just being vocal about liking the band and tweeting at them or whatever to say you still back them, and again, that's not something i'll be doing. but to be completely honest, i don't think writing fanfiction is any level of support at all. i mean, think about it: it's not as if atl are going to see me writing fanfiction about them. they're not scouring ao3 going "ah, bellawritess posted a jalex fic, this must mean she still supports us!" they don't know i'm here, doing this. they don't know i exist. they can't hear me.

fanfiction, rpf, whatever, for me it has very little to do with the actual people i'm writing about. writing is a hobby for me. it's something i'm good at, and it's something i like doing. i like telling stories with characters people already appreciate. i can't be bothered to create my own. i like to exist in fan spaces and mutually appreciate things we all communally enjoy. the fic i write has nothing to do with all time low (or 5sos, or one direction). the actions of the real people who inspire my characters have almost zero effect on my characters. i made 5sos jewish, for fuck's sake. i'm obviously not trying to recreate reality here. none of us are. that's the whole thesis of (decent) rpf. "this is a work of fiction." fiction! fan fiction! none of us are under the impression that the alex gaskarth in my silly little fanfiction is the alex gaskarth who's out there right now doing whatever he's doing in real life. and barring any truly unforgivable actions by them - which so far i haven't seen, and without any certainty on the allegations front i continue to be neutral about it - i don't see why i can't keep using their names on my characters.

i don't know if this makes me an immoral person. i know fiction doesn't exist in a vacuum. but at the end of the day, i don't think all time low should have the power to stop me from engaging in a hobby that i do literally for fun, that will never reach their eyes or ears. unless it turns out they're disgusting people (and we only know what we know, so things could change in the future, i can only speak to this with the information i have now), i'm not gonna give up one of my favorite fucking pastimes in the world for them. notwithstanding how i feel about them as real people.

anyway! i appreciate you asking, i'm glad i got a chance to organize my thoughts like this and i hope they make sense to you. <3

[empmoniitor]

INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION: WHAT ARE THE BARRIERS AND 09 WAYS TO IMPROVE IT

The Quarantaniversary is here- it’s almost a year since the COVID-19 pandemic dawned upon us all. And we all witnessed a TREMENDOUS change in our workplaces.

Nevertheless, remote work surprisingly assisted globalization, and companies are hiring more people from abroad than ever. With people ready to telecommute, workplaces are getting more diverse. Sure, this scenario isn’t going to last same forever- but we can already witness a lot of challenges that follow remote work- intercultural communication being one of them.

It is no secret why communication tops the list of priorities that a company needs to inculcate among its employees. Intercultural communication makes it trickier to accomplish, especially with people literally working miles apart.

Many organizations are opening their gates soon, and the cultural differences may intensify if you don’t start working on it now. Do you wonder if your employees are happily interacting despite these differences?

In this blog, we will discuss how to-

1. Assess your staff’s intercultural communication skills;

2. Identify the hindrances;

3. And rectify them for good.

BONUS- READ, HOW TO CREATE AND DEFINE A WORK FROM HOME POLICY FOR YOUR COMPANY

WHY IS INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION IMPORTANT?

Differences in culture are inevitable, and it takes a lot for people to bridge the gap. Lack of management in intercultural communication paves the way for misunderstandings and a feeling of being left out.

I’ll explain my point by citing an example. The west urges its people to leave their parents’ home and start a family at a very young age, while the east encourages a culture of living with parents and grandparents. It is one of the very few differences that you will find even when working with employees belonging to different cities in your own country.

A workplace that understands the diversity in traditions, customs, and cultures make its staff feel welcomed. It leads to better team communication, which ultimately develops a healthier and dynamic work environment. To be successful in any sector, organizations must understand and meet the communication patterns of their clients, employees, investors, and other associated people.

HINDRANCES IN INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION

KNOW WHAT YOUR TEAM LACKS

Now that you understand the why, let’s get into the what part.

There are four broad cultural differences that you’ll spot among people around you. Your employees are no exception. Improve your intercultural communication by identifying their weak points. Look for the ones that they lack so that you can rectify them ASAP. After all, acceptance is the first step to betterment!

Here are the key cultural aspects that your staff may lack:

1. EDUCATIONAL

School is the second home of a child, and it plays a vital role in shaping our thoughts, mannerisms, and problem-solving skills. Our background depends on our school, teachers, locations, and the associated national and district laws.

Companies hire people for different positions based on their qualifications. When they work together on a project, they implement varied methods based on their backgrounds to tackle the same set of problems. The results can either be pretty cool or a disastrous mess.

2. RELIGIOUS

An employee’s religious and spiritual affirmations have a significant impact on their priorities and behavior. Religious and spiritual beliefs have the power to impact a person’s perception, analytical abilities, and decision-making skills. As a result, they may even have a difference in ethical behavior.

Everyone has a right to express their religion. There could be a possibility of differences in opinions at the workplace and cold wars. Beware!

3. ETHNIC

Ethnicity is different from race. It is not biological and depends on a person’s learned behaviors due to their culture, nationality, religion, ancestry, heritage, and linguistic backgrounds. Jewish, Tamil, Pashtun, Cambodian, Sindhi, etc., are a few examples of ethnicity.

Naturally, separate ethnicities have a different train of thought and exposure. For instance, people who grow up in a spiritual and sacrificing environment avoid conflicts at all costs. Others may be direct in communication.

4. RACIAL

The race is a biologically defined term. Black, White, Asian are a few examples, for instance. Races have NOTHING to do with the person’s ethics and working skills. But they do have an impact on their accent, day-to-day behavior, and stuff like that.

While racial diversity is no big deal in the modern workplace, racist slurs, biased behavior, and mixed perceptions are still prevalent. Strong intercultural communication intertwines people and prevents this from happening.

BTW, HERE ARE 07 MOST IMPORTANT MANAGEMENT SKILLS & HOW TO DEVELOP THEM

5. GEOGRAPHICAL

The location you grow up in defines the environment you are exposed to- leading to developing varied dressing, speaking, eating, and living habits. Working with people from different geographical upbringing may sound cool and all, but it is actually the primary cause of stereotypes.

People who dwell from the same place tend to bond faster. And while that’s no big of a deal, it may lead to groupism and people feeling alienated.

6. LINGUISTIC

Some countries have an official language for their state, while some don’t. It is plausible due to the languages spoken by the natives. While English is the most acceptable among them all, people also come with different accents.

Long story short, language remains a barrier in any workplace that doesn’t stick to hiring only the locals. Paving the way for a friendly yet strong intercultural communication promotes bonding among all and keeps conflicts at bay.

7. GENERATIONAL

The generation you are born in has a darn tootin’ impact on your ideas on professionalism, ethical behavior, collaboration, creativity, and overall communication. Gen Z, for instance, prioritizes career and stability, while Boomers have a softer spot for their home and family.

Different generations are going to look at stuff with different glasses. A GenXer’s creativity and Baby Boomer’s experience may yield the best results. But it requires constant understanding, respect, and fair inclusion of all.

8. SOCIO-ECONOMIC

A person’s income and socio-economic status (SES) speak a lot about the privileges, opportunities, and resources that they usually get. Contrary to popular belief, SES has a major impact on our behavior and analytical skills.

SES contributes to an employee’s functioning, mental & physical health, stress level, and morals. If left to perish, it leads to judgments, biases, and information silos.

IMPROVING INTERCULTURAL COMMUNICATION AT WORKPLACE

There are cultures within cultures, and communication is the only path to collaboration. There’s nothing worse than a lack of understanding among people due to their misaligned assumptions and cognitive biases.

The strategies listed below are vital to creating cross-cultural harmony. However, I have witnessed points 4, 5, 7, and 9 making the maximum impact on intercultural communication:

1. AVOID USING SLANG

The non-natives of your place may understand what you say but may not understand the exact idea and context behind it. Slang, phrases, and idioms are cool, but why not keep it simple? Even the natives may get confused if your language gets too complicated.

Everyone has an interpretation of their own. And it is natural to read between the lines when things are not clear. An inaccurate interpretation, in such cases, will end up confusing or may even offend your staff. Play safe ALWAYS.

2. HANDLE HUMOUR WITH CARE

Cracking jokes is no big deal, and you don’t always have to be a grumpy boss. But remember, not everyone understands humour. So if you decide to go for it, make sure everyone understands it clearly. Cultural appropriation is a prerequisite, and you cannot compromise it for a few fake laughs. Go for neutral jokes that seem appreciated and accepted in all cultures. (for instance, a knock-knock joke)

HRs and management need to understand how culturally leaned behavior affects communication. Fixing it reduces intercultural communication conflicts to a humongous extent.

3. ORGANIZE GAMES & ACTIVITIES

Collaboration is the key to better communication. And what’s a better way to collaborate than to organize non-work-related activities. When people talk about stuff other than work, they feel more connected and start opening up despite their differences.

As a matter of fact, people with a different culture are more interested in a place’s native culture. Games and activities are a perfect way to cheer things up when trying to improve intercultural communication.

4. HOLD DISCUSSIONS & DEBATES

Debates might be the last thing you’d want in your organization, but hear me out- when you encourage people to present their conflicting thoughts professionally, they learn how to be opinionated and yet hold back the offense. Debates are healthy, and they bring sportsmanship among the peers.

Group discussions are also an excellent way of teaching the employees how and why it is crucial to keep things clear and simple in a conversation. Intercultural communication can only strengthen when people polish their verbal as well as listening skills.

5. SPEAK SLOWLY

An intercultural workplace would definitely have employees with varied accents and familiarity with the language. When you speak at your usual pace, you become vulnerable to miscommunication, misinterpretation, and misunderstandings.

Modulating the speed will ensure that your words are loud and clear. But make sure you’re not too slow, or else people would drift off while listening, let alone improve the overall communication. And that’s a bummer!

ALSO READ, HOW TO TURN THE VIRTUAL WORKFORCE INTO REALITY?

6. KEEP NON-VERBAL MISINTERPRETATIONS IN MIND

Your body language is always a part of communication. And it doesn’t matter what your words say- your tone and posture add meaning to it. Focus on keeping your facial expressions and body language very neutral. You don’t always have to smile, but maybe stop crossing your arms and looking at your phone.

Sometimes the non-verbal misinterpretations are not very obvious, and you have to dig a bit deeper. For instance, the Japanese find it rude when someone points a chopstick at them while eating.

7. WORK ON COGNITIVE BIASES

Everyone is biased- that’s natural. But it’s very unethical to let the biases interfere with our decision-making processes at work. It doesn’t matter how you feel about stuff- you have to take a rational and practical approach to get an unbiased and appropriate solution.

Your cognitive bias stems from a lot of reasons and has a direct impact on your conversations. If not taken care of, it may make things bitter between people with a difference in opinion.

8. NEVER FRAME CLOSED QUESTIONS

Avoid direct questions that need an answer in yes or no. Some people find it rude to answer such questions without an explanation. They might as well go with a yes instead of saying no to someone’s face. It might sound a little absurd, but such behavior is also an influence of their background.

Open-ended questions that require a plausible explanation are better in such cases. As a bonus, you always get to understand the thinking process of your team. And you can always assign the right tasks to the right person in the future.

9. ENCOURAGE ACTIVE LISTENING

Out of the two fundamental parts of communication, people tend to only work on their speaking skills. Well, we all know that won’t work. After all, who likes sharing their thoughts with someone who won’t let them finish their sentences? To ensure a healthy and happening relationship among all, you have to make sure that people like each other’s company.

Intercultural communication is a responsibility. Encourage people to come up with doubts, suggestions, and queries. It helps break the information silos, and nothing gets missed or misunderstood.

READ MORE FROM OUR BLOGS,

WRAPPING IT UP!!

Cultural differences are bound to occur in any workplace. The key is to accept and understand them. Intercultural communication can yield creative results when utilized the right way. Try to make the best out of your intercultural work environment and never let your productivity go down.

Is there anything that I missed? Would you like to drop a suggestion/query? Let me know in the comments below. I would love to hear from you.

ANNYEONG!!

Originally Published On: EmpMonitor

[simonalkenmayer]

There is only ONE way to peacefully coexist with people wearing a swastika, and that is if you're in a time and place that has never known Nazis, and so it's just a geometric symbol to them. Unfortunately, this will probably require either time travel or an incredibly long lifespan.

I have one of those.

And I still don’t coexist with Nazis.

I eat them whenever possible, as a matter of fact. Have been since the Silver Shirts. Look it up, if you’re keen. Knew it was all going downhill as soon as the eugenics movement began. Eradicating or sterilizing one group of the population is how the Jewish exiles and the witch trials began. And funnily enough, both of those movements also coincided with religious movements within the dominant cultures.

In the case of the late Victorian/turn of the century eugenics movement, it was Spiritualism. You had this renewed interest in science and applying science to every aspect of life without regard for experience, quality of life, human rights and so on, hand in hand with the idea that people don’t really die. Prior to that the religious movement often directly informed the bigotry, for example, with the Jewish exiles, we had renewed fervor for Catholicism, caused by plague and famine, and it was the particular breed of Catholicism that was fire and brimstone. But in the case of Spiritualism, it was a far more toxic arrangement that in my opinion led to far more devastating and far reaching difficulties we still see today.

When one major group, composed of leaders, the wealthy, major writers and social figures, suggests that there are levels of value to humans, applies these levels and suggests doing dire things to the people in them AT THE SAME TIME as another group, overlapping the first, claims that no one really does, and in fact they can be communicated with and reasoned with even after their demises...you have a built in cultural justification. I’m not saying the “scientists” who took Darwinism to such an extreme believed in Spiritualism. What I’m saying is that there was a large scale cultural conversation taking place publicly, and that exposure to it allowed many people to feel better about their reprehensible behavior. Hitler was famously obsessed with the occult and Spiritualism. Many people say he was Christian and used Christianity as his justification for persecuting the Jews, but it wasn’t Catholicism, or Christianity in the classic sense. It was a pseudo-faith, dipped in ridiculous mysticism, pretended sciences, folklore, and of course, the overarching idea that people aren’t really dead when they die, so of course it’s all fine. The deities sort it out.

Look at today. We have a resurgence of ethical bankruptcy. What has gone hand in hand with it? A cultural emphasis on greed, a sudden expansion of evangelical ultra-conservative ideals catering to the white and poor, all spearheaded by a party and a president willing to use the name of god and invoke the mythology of class to justify their actions. Voila! The reappearance of Nazis who are unabashed.

Every time, in the course of human history, that marginalized groups are mistreated or expelled from the main culture, you will find three things: an economic impetus, often caused by the very people in power; a religious or philosophical (or in the case of eugenics, a pseudoscientific) justification in the form of a movement; and people willing to wear a label and be vocal about their ridiculous beliefs, who shout loud enough to make the idea seem common, normal, attractive.

Every time. Without fail. Civil War? A massive shift in the economy from farms to resource mining and westward expansion, the beginnings of Spiritualism, religious conservatives unique to one regional area...and the Klan. The Heigotnauts. The Forst Nations. The Irish. It does not fail. It’s always happening. Overlapping each successive wave.

If you have a long life and/or a time machine, such patterns are obvious and avoidable. They may even be preventable, if you’re willing to eat the offenders.

[egal-aboosta]

The Promised Post

Generally, on tumblr I lean towards giving people answers about each movement’s standards because these are functional. I’m not a rabbi, and I think that jumblr gives a little too much benefit of the doubt to random people like me being able to decide what their Judaism should look like. However, I said I’d write something about my opinions on how patrilineality is handled in the Jewish community since I’m modding @ask-jumblr where issues around patrilineality are coming up.

Just a reminder that I’m not a rabbi, I’m also not on a synagogue’s ritual committee, etc. so outside this modding (where I try to limit its influence anyways), my opinion has no real world effects except perhaps (?) my ability to support people I care about who are struggling with their identity. And if you aren’t looking for friendship and support, now you’ve got something to hold me to if I start my own minyan where I alone get to make the rules?? Never seen a Jewish organization work that way, but there are always firsts??

For some reference:

I tend to hang with Reform and Conservative communities but try not to limit myself (when there are options)

All sides of my family have been Jewish since as long as anyone can remember

My family’s Ashkenazi, and I grew up in predominantly Ashkenazi communities

---

For me, there are two ways you can be Jewish: being part of the Jewish ‘tribe’ and being ‘part of the Jewish covenant.’ I could have just as easily used ‘family’ or ‘people’ in place of tribe, but for this post I’m going to use the word ‘tribe*.’ 

*I’m switching from ‘family’ to ‘tribe’ because last time I made this post (which I can’t find) someone gave a good reason (that I can’t remember) about why ‘family’ wasn’t the best term. Now I’m trying again.

To me, someone’s a part of the Jewish ‘tribe’ if:

They consider themselves Jewish, they don’t consider themselves part of another religion, and any of their “parents” are Jewish. This can be birth parents, adopted parents, foster parents, aunt who you informally lived with a bunch because you’re birth parents weren’t great, etc. It gets a little weird for me if the Jewish parent wasn’t a birth parent nor did they raise you for at least a good chunk of your life, but I don’t know you. Rock on. I shouldn’t be judging and welcome to the fam!

They don’t consider themselves Jewish, but their birth parents are Jewish. If you ain’t happy about this, then I’m probably not either...sorry.

They married someone Jewish, are doing something Jewy beyond supporting their partner (supporting their kid’s Judaism counts at least a little), and don’t consider themselves part of another religion. If you accidentally realized you’re doing this and are a little freaked out, we might be able to negotiate on this one.

You converted through pretty much any movement.** A (likely) belated Mazel tov & welcome to the fam! If you were adopted and committing was a decision you made and 13 and regretted, then I’m really sorry. I too regret decisions I made at 13. I won’t be offended if you disown me, but unfortunately you’re still on the family tree.

**Your friend counting you as an honorary Jew doesn’t count. Neither does Jews for Jesus. I get nervous about Humanistic Judaism’s adoption because I don’t know how much they educate on Jewish peoplehood before making things official. But if you’ve made some kind of commitment within it or have been there a while, and you know what you’re getting into, ofc. If there’s a good reason why I need to clarify further, let me know, but I try not to run around Jewish identity-policing anyone

To me, someone’s part of the Jewish covenant if:

They meet the birth-parent qualifications of their traditional group. Usually this is your mom, but if it’s your dad that’s cool with me too. Welcome to the party even if you don’t want to be here.

You converted through a movement or community with the concept of a covenant. Same deal if you were 13 and now wish you could opt-out, sorry.

You’re part of the tribe, understand the concept of the covenant, and consider/ed yourself permanently bound by it. So, yeah, this counts a heck of a lot of patrilineal Jews on tumblr. And before anyone feels like I’m making a special exception for them, I actually came to this conclusion in the context of an “intermarried” couple I know that isn’t really intermarried in my mind; they've never had a mikvah and I think it’s been a long time since [spouse] needed one.

Neither being part of the ‘tribe’ nor being part of the ‘covenant’ means I automatically think you’re right, nor does it mean I automatically think you get to define my Judaism. Judaism doesn’t really work that way, and I’d be dizzy if I tried to let it.

---

If you’re wondering why I don’t have one definition of Jewishness, here’s one of many articles worth reading about the complexity of Jewish identity: http://jewishvaluescenter.org/jvoblog/identity?fbclid=IwAR1h58S3FsOlSQVIBvfzYsWAldKsV_J9PAKPdep0H0jHnNhARxm0rJgFJ2Q

And if my opinion upsets you, then I’d like to remind you that (1) I’m still out here listening [send me a message!], and that (2) I don’t have that much power. Over the course of my time on jumblr, I’ve had to make sure my voice isn’t taken too seriously, and I keep trying to limit what authority it’s given. Hence the rarity of mod comments on @ask-jumblr, and quieting down of @jewish-education (which I started to be experience/resource/idea sharing for pre-Bar Mitzvah Sunday/synagogue-school teachers and parents, but not being experienced with jumblring quickly spun away). I hope that in knowing my opinion, all y’all will better be able to help me mod without excessively controlling the conversation. 

[anarchistsuggestion]

hey, vaccinate your kids you jerks!!!

thanks for coming to my essay! now that i have your attention, i think we should stop talking about anti-vaxxers like theyre all backwards hyper-religious dumbasses. like, im frustrated too, and i agree that "personal/religious reasons" should not allow someone to keep their kids unvaccinated. furthermore, as an autistic person, i despise the myth that vaccines cause autism. i especially hate that it scares people into avoiding vaccines, because theres nothing wrong with me.

but ridiculing these people will only make the problem worse, and here's why: i think that a lot of anti-vaxxers and their communities are used to feeling like the most important aspects of their cultural identities are universally mocked or demonised (im not qualified to say whether these feelings reflect reality in every case, but either way im just talking about feelings, ie, what people think we believe about their culture). for instance, my only knowledge of amish people comes from jokes ive seen others make about them. yes, none of these jokes were very serious, and its easy for me to laugh at them because im not amish, but despite my low empathy i can understand that it just feels bad to hear a whole bunch of jokes about something important to you. i'll get back to this point in a moment.

anyway, i bring up the amish because in 2014, there were measles outbreaks in some amish communities in Ohio. and i think that a lot of the people who dont vaccinate their kids are used to being ridiculed for their "weird" or "new age" or "hyper-religious" or "unchristian" lifestyles, so they just see our concern as more of that mockery. we all sound the same to them, and cant you see why?

"ughh all these people ignoring science and being stubborn about vaccines because their church said--" you sound like one of those atheists. if you cant say anything productive, please stay out of the discussion. why do you act like ridiculing people will change their minds? we should be reaching out, instead.

we need to make the effort to approach anti-vaxxers in a way that distinguishes us from those who only converse with them to mock them.

i want more people to understand that the best way to change someone's mind when they're defensive is by listening. you need to be willing to accept whatever they might rant about, and respect that, even if their fears seem ridiculous, even if their fears are rooted in ableism, their fears still terrify them. thats why theyre called fears. you can validate someone's feelings of anxiety and confusion without validating their bigotry, and you must be willing to accept that this is work. this is difficult. it's much, much harder than yelling your opinions. it's exhausting, and sometimes it doesn't even pay off. sometimes you just can't convince somebody, and you have to be able to accept that.

if this seems too hard for you, i have good news: you do not have to do it. this kind of thing is not for everyone, and it's okay if you just don't want to. this doesn't have to be your responsibility.

i only ask that you stop making things worse by (performatively, in the case of yall who arent in danger of dying/losing a loved one to a preventable disease) mocking anti-vaxxers, because we are the ones who need something from them. we are asking them to face their fears (which were sometimes instilled in them very early in their childhood) for the good of humanity. i don't know about all of you, but i'd be hesitant at best to face even my third worst fear (spiders) for the sake of strangers who regularly mock my culture and heritage, and i know for a fact that most spiders cannot harm me!

this is natural. this is human. it is easy to dismiss things you dont understand, and it's even easier to dismiss them when all the scientific evidence agrees with you. however, your evidence does not make these people's experiences and fears less real for them. it does not lessen the effect their fear has on their choices. knowing that a tarantula won't hurt me if i follow certain guidelines will not stop me from shaking and having a breakdown if i think too hard about touching one. knowing that nothing bad would happen doesn't motivate me to go over to the science building at my college and ask to hold their fucking tarantula.

there are no shortcuts here. if we want anti-vaxxers to accept vaccines and stop putting so much effort towards keeping their children unvaccinated, we have to convince them that they don't need to be afraid of vaccines. we need to actually address their concerns. telling them their fears are ridiculous is just not convincing no matter how much scientific evidence you have. this discussion has become too performative. people just tell anti-vaxxers to vaccinate their kids, and they dont bother to address the fear that motivates their opponents. they don't care that they're asking people to trust a yelling internet stranger with their child's health.

it is inconsiderate to demand things from people without stopping to think about what you're asking for. please think about it from their point of view. if vaccines were dangerous, and they vaccinated their kids, then anything bad that happened to their kids due to the vaccines would be their responsibility. and remember, these people have not been given a convincing reason to believe vaccines are harmless. okay? they do not want to be at fault for their children getting hurt. yes, they are wrong. yes, they are frustrating. yes, they are endangering immunocompromised people like my dad, but there is a huge difference between being malicious and being misguided. please do not treat them like they set out to hurt you.

also? stop telling them to care about other people when you don't care enough about them to respect that they're doing their best with the resources they have. stop saying "i dont know how to explain to you that you should care about other people" when you really just want them to magically stop being scared. maybe you say it out of genuine frustration and bewilderment, but when everyone is saying it, it comes across like a smug 'gotcha!' phrase that excuses you from spending more energy on the debate. you can just say youre tired and stop.

i am trying to explain to you that you should care that these people have felt scammed/hurt by the medical industry enough times that they feel justified in risking the health of their whole family (assuming they even think vaccines work). you should care that theyve never been given a convincing reason to trust remedies promoted by rich strangers who make claims that sound too good to be true. the government has promoted harmful things to underprivileged people before, like milk (it took me a half hour to sift through unrelated stuff about soy milk to confirm this, so i'll go ahead and link my source). it is logical to mistrust an industry that operates for the profit of people youve never met. not everyone trusts the FDA to keep the pharmaceutical industry in check, and it's actually pretty smart to rely on direct accounts from people you know personally when you aren't sure how well something actually works, and you dont trust the ones selling it to you.

with that in mind, talking to people is probably the best way to tackle this issue, but many of you haven't bothered to compile introductory information about vaccines. you havent bothered to present these resources in a way that doesn't ridicule people who are scared. i am trying to explain to you that you shouldn't debate with people if you won't treat them like humans. i am trying to explain to you that "you dont actually care about others" is a hurtful and manipulative sentiment, and when you say it to people who are trying their best, you become part of the problem. you reinforce their mistrust. i am trying to explain to you that trusting doctors doesnt make you morally superior.

put yourself in their shoes for a moment. imagine that someone comes up to you and makes it clear that they think the choices you've made as a parent are ridiculous. they make claims about your child without offering proof, or the only proof they offer also mocks you and people like you (or they just tell you to "google it"). furthermore, they tell you that unless you give in, something bad will happen to their own children, and it will be your fault.

this is manipulative. even if you are correct, it is manipulative. demanding that someone treat their child in a way that they consider harmful is just ridiculous and i don't know why you expect people to listen to you. do you expect this to be easy? do you honestly believe that if someone isn't converted within minutes, they're just being stubborn? do you think these people know the truth, and only persist out of spite?

these questions are necessary, because many of you talk about anti-vaxxers as though the answer is 'yes.' there is a difference between being correct and treating people right. please be more aware of that line in the future, and do your best not to cross it.

oh, and by the way, if i see any of you using this year's measles outbreaks as an excuse to be hateful towards jewish people, i will block and report you. antivaxxers usually arent malicious, and if you perceive orthodox jewish antivaxxers as being worse than other antivaxxers, you need to rethink your beliefs. they arent rejecting vaccines just to hurt you. maybe theyre tired of being demonised and blamed for everything from climate change to unemployment to dead kids*, and theyre unwilling to trust random people with something as important as the health of their children when a lot of us have never bothered to listen to their struggles. (* ive seen a whole lot of people saying things that border on blood libel without quite involving blood during these discussions, so can we all agree to be careful not to do anything that resembles that shit now that ive provided a handy link about what it is? thanks)

lastly, all of this criticism of anti-anti-vaxxers is very easy for me to say because i have less of a personal stake in the issue. i know it must hurt in a way i can't currently understand to lose someone to a preventable disease. if i have made anyone feel dismissed or invalidated in this essay post, i'm sorry for doing so, and i want to make it clear that it is okay if you hate anti-vaxxers. i know their fear has hurt you, and i wouldn't ask you to pretend otherwise. i dont want to make any of you feel like you shouldn't talk about your experiences and fears. i'm just asking that, before you hit the post button, you read through your post and edit out anything manipulative or guilt-trippy. your contributions to this conversation are valuable, and i want the people youre trying to convince to be able to read them without feeling like they have to defend themselves instead of listening to you. the culture around this debate has become almost hostile, and while we dont all need to work directly with anti-vaxxers to make it better, we do all need to agree to stop making it worse.

[jewishconvertthings]

hey i’m sorry if this is a controversial question but i haven’t seen anybody talk about this. i have wanted to convert for years and i’m finally in a place where i can start taking steps to convert. but i was wondering if i would be turned down for being non zionist and criticizing the state of israel. i don’t want to have antagonization with the rabbi, but i’m afraid they might lash out at me or kick me out when the subject inevitably comes up.

Hi anon, 

Yep, I generally have a rule that I will just delete questions about Israel (regardless of the perspective of the person) because I don’t want I/P discourse on this blog. 

However, this is a valid question and it’s been asked respectfully, and so I will answer it as neutrally as possible, once. I’m going to preface this answer by saying that it is based my own experiences in Jewish community and intra-community discourse, despite my effort to keep my opinions out of it. Other people’s mileage may vary. 

———–

So it really depends on what you mean by “non-Zionist,” how you are criticizing Israel, and what community you seek to be a part of. 

First of all, what do you mean by non-Zionist? Here is a great summary post of what people actually mean when they describe themselves as Zionist/anti-Zionist. In general, however, I tend to agree with the folks who are uncomfortable with non-Jews using either term to describe themselves, since both have been weaponized against the whole Jewish community in various ways. So you may want to clarify and re-articulate how you approach the issue for that reason alone, and then revisit how you personally identify later, if you do end up converting. 

It also depends on how you go about criticizing Israel and what you mean by that. Here is a good post to check through and see if you are inadvertently using antisemitic tropes. 

As for which community you want to join - it really depends on the community and the rabbi. There are some Jewish communities that are a lot more ambivalent or straight-up opposed to Israel in its current iteration. On the liberal side, that could be for reasons related to human rights concerns and in particular, aligning themselves with the Palestinian cause. On the far right, you’re going to get some communities that do not think we should be living in Israel until Moshiach arrives (but ultimately are Zionist when that day comes.) 

Most moderate communities, however, are pretty staunchly in favor of Medinat Israel existing, but individual opinions vary greatly beyond that. Some individuals are horrified by the current government and some support it. Some are pro-settler and some are against the settler movement. Some are just concerned about the family that they have living there. It gets very nuanced and requires a high level of knowledge and sensitivity to engage with, and people often avoid it in conversation for this reason. 

Personally, if you are comfortable with them as a branch in general, I’d recommend going the Reconstructionist route if you do decide to pursue this. They are the ones who make the most room for anti-Israel opinions and I actually personally know two well-respected Reconstructionist rabbinic students who are proudly and vocally anti-Israel. 

As for other movements? Some will engage you on the topic and just make sure you’re not antisemitic or converting to prove a point or to give your advocacy (if you engage in it) more weight. Some will be very leery of you, but ultimately go ahead with the conversion after making sure of the same. Some won’t do it at all, seeing it as a lack of loyalty to the Jewish people and antisemitic unto itself. However, depending on what you actually mean and what your actual opinions are, you may find that your sponsoring rabbi actually agrees with you!

Questions you will want to be able to answer for yourself (don’t feel like you have to answer questions from anyone else who’s not your rabbi or beit din, honestly): 

Am I converting for the right (i.e. - non-political in this case) reasons? 

Have I thoroughly explored the antisemitism I’ve absorbed from society and made sure to purge it from my opinions on this topic? 

Where does my information come from? Am I using only sources that are biased in the direction of my existing opinion? Am I willing to fully explore the other sides’ rationales to make sure I have answers at least for myself as to why I disagree? 

Am I willing to sever ties with friends and people in my activist communities who are antisemitic? If not, how am I going to navigate being Jewish in these spaces? 

How do I relate to loyalty to the Jewish people and Jewish identity, apart from Israel? 

How do I relate to the many traditions that are rooted in the land of Israel and/or the diasporic Jewish dream of returning to it? 

Definitely feel free to approach a rabbi prior to having any answers to all but the first two, and even if those answers are shaky or need further examination. Do your homework on the congregation and the rabbi to make sure you have an idea of what you’re getting into before you go, and regardless of how much you’ve been able to discover ahead of time, definitely bring up the topic in a non-antagonistic way. 

Do not expect an outright rejection, particularly from more liberal rabbis, but do expect to be asked to really think through your opinion and make sure that you are speaking from a place of genuineness, love for klal yisroel, and basing your opinion on facts. If you’re doing all that and find the right rabbi, you should be fine. 

And one final point/recommendation? Go into this with an open mind. I came into this expecting to fully and solidly come down on one side and ultimately came to an opinion that was much more nuanced, tentative, and basically the opposite of what I’d expected. You may find that your opinion changes, doesn’t change, or that it only grows stronger. I wish you the very best in your exploration!

[imsorry12345-blog]

My Apology

I am writing this as a former SJP member who is now coming forward about their experience with the organization and hoping for a chance at redemption.

My story begins at a college in the United States. I was beginning school in a new city and longed for a sense of belonging and purpose. During my first year at university, I coincidentally fell into a group of friends who were active in SJP. I was uninformed at the time and decided to attend events with them, but unfortunately, was quickly misled down the wrong path. As a young, impressionable college student I didn’t think about the implications of my actions or to even consider any other stance but my own. This was primarily because the SJP had villainized not only the pro-Israeli organizations on campus, but any individual who considered the country as a sanctuary. The Jewish population were constantly being dehumanized by this organization and anyone who supported Israel was automatically irrelevant and not worth speaking to. Because of this, I never truly had a conversation with anyone had differing opinions than the SJP organization I was apart of. After a year of membership with the organization I found myself more close minded than I had ever been and filled with hatred and anger, which I now understand is misdirected and unwarranted. For this, I would like to apologize.

After graduating, I had the chance to visit Israel and actually speak to Israeli citizens about their experiences. We stayed in Jerusalem, but we had an Israeli tour guide who spoke english and helped us get around to different areas and was very knowledgable about all the historical sites. While we were there, the Jerusalem festival of light was happening and I was privileged enough to get to experience this and gain an understanding of Israeli history and culture. We visited the Wailing Wall and although we were not allowed in, our tour guide was very informative. I truly gained empathy for the people of Israel during this trip.

 The kindness I experienced from the Israeli people was juxtaposed to what I had been misled to believe from members of the SJP organization. I came to realize that Israel was not built on hate and theft as I was led to believe, but from fear and a yearning for community which was robbed from the Jewish population for many years. After returning, I had the opportunity to learn from American-born individuals of the Jewish faith about what Israel meant to them.  I was dissociated from the BDS community at this point and was able to have an open minded discussion. They opened up about her birthright trip and humanized many of the issues I had nonchalantly brushed to the side before. I also participate in interfaith activities with our local synagogue and had the opportunity to speak with some elderly members of the community, but I consider them more acquaintances than friends. For them, it had similar implications of community and family that Israeli-born citizens explained to me, but it was also a symbol of culture from them. One of my now close friends explained how culture was stripped from many Jewish communities, and Israel gives them something to tie them back to their roots. As someone who has roots outside the US, this resonated with me and I realized the selfish nature of my opinions. Why should I be able to have a cultural tie while many Israeli don’t deserve the right? It is now unfathomable to me that I identified with an organization who supported these hateful ideologies, and tried to strip people of something that I and many members of the SJP have, a sense of home.

I used to be involved with the BDS movement and would boycott certain companies and support movements at my university. I no longer support this movement because it is aggressive and preventative to creating efficient dialogue. It is also incredibly ostracizing to the people of Israel and primarily hurts the civilians living within Israel, who have done nothing wrong and are only trying to create a space for themselves when no one else would give them one. It is a form of bullying. I never truly understood the impact of what I was doing and I no longer support any movement that targets a specific group of people. Many people back this movement because of their antisemitism and I refuse to participate in a movement that furthers the oppression of a group of people. 

I now realize the error in my ways. I have made strides to undo the damage I caused during my years in college, and have distanced myself from the “friends” who caused me to get involved with the organization in the first place. I have tried to purge my social media from any anti -Israeli or anti-semitic content, and donated to an Israeli-based organization (Pitchon-Lev) in an attempt to right my previous wrongs. I regret my previous actions, and now understand that Jewish people have the right to live freely in a country where they feel safe. No one should be stripped from that right, and I’m only sorry it took me this long to realize this. I am still learning and working to create dialogue with a group I was isolated from for so long, but I hope to continue spreading peace and the true message of Israel and what it stands from throughout my social groups. I now know that Israel stands for peace and hopefully, with enough people realizing the importance of dialogue in promoting peace and understanding a resolution to this conflict can be found and these two communities can begin to repair relations and form a sense of community within each other.

[jewish-education]

The raised-Christian-anon here, I live in Finland. The synagogue is a few hours drive away, which isn't too bad tbh! Thank you for the very informative and helpful answer! 😊 I'll definitely start learning more before contacting the rabbi.

That’s so cool! (Sorry, I’m a crazy American southerner who thinks she likes winter. Though we don’t get much of one.) Aaaand looking into Jewish resources in Finland, maybe I shouldn’t relocate based on my own naive interest in snow and coziness.

It looks like y’all do have a Chabad house though. I’m not sure that a relatively isolated Chabad house would take on a conversion student (nor am I sure that’s what you want) but Chabad is also very welcoming to curious non-Jews. I’d totally recommend reaching out to them as you learn about Judaism. 

I’m guessing the synagogue you mentioned is a separate community from Chabad. Especially since I found a website. Is this the one you meant? 

The website seems to reference a second synagogue. I don’t know which is closer. 

The linked synagogue references accepting some converts which is a good sign if you choose that path. Whether the rabbi does conversions is a slightly different question.

The synagogues identify as Orthodox, but there’s a huge range within Orthodoxy. Probably they’re somewhere in the spectrum of what’s called “Modern Orthodox” in the U.S. but I could be wrong in that assumption.

The communities identify as Ashkenazi, so cultures/traditions you’ll most commonly see in English-language resources should hold true (to the extent anything in Judaism is ever uniform).

If you were more interested in Reform/Progressive/Liberal Judaism, @progressivejudaism might know someone who could help you, but it’s quite possible this movement doesn’t have a presence in Finland (or anywhere in Scandinavia). 

Whenever you reach out to a particular rabbi, it’s important to remember that their way of approaching Judaism isn’t the only way. Every Jewish person thinks their 2-3 opinions are correct (if you got that bad joke, you’re well on your way to being ready to study with a rabbi in my opinion). We have no way of knowing which of us are right. And if you end up pursuing conversion you’ll get to be a part of that gorgeous mess. While liberal American Jews sometimes discount the variety of perspective and practice within Orthodoxy, I encourage you to look for diversity in these communities as you explore them. I hope to hear more about your journey and perhaps learn some more about Jewish life in Finland.

Anyone on jumblr have any experience with or contacts in the Finnish Jewish community?

[hockey-jews]

For anyone who wants to learn more about Judaism! Also, kind of a post about how to deal with some Things and Stuff. This is a long post so I’ll put it under a read more for those interested:

This is really for an anonymous message I got that described struggles with things that I think many of us struggle with or have in the past: not being “Jewish enough” in the eyes of other Jews due to your heritage being on the “wrong” side (read; on your father’s side), yet still experiencing antisemitism from goyim. Not learning very much, if anything, about Judaism as a child but wanting to learn more as an adult. Not being comfortable with some traditions or laws of Judaism because you are a) a feminist b) LGBT c) an atheist. Living in a place with few to no Jewish spaces. Not feeling welcome in the Jewish community due to any or all of these things. 

Book recs!

If you’re the kind of person who enjoys reading (or can at least tolerate it) I highly recommend these books! They’re all books that I have either read/started reading/or plan on reading. (Please keep in mind that none of these are Jewish texts such as the Torah or the Talmud and that I do understand the importance of such religious texts but am not recommending them because I feel those are obvious sources of information)

A Bride for One Night if you aren’t familiar with the Talmud, it’s a collection of writings and explanations of Jewish laws and traditions and it’s old as balls. The author of this book, Ruth Calderon, takes a bunch of Talmudic stories and makes them into these wonderful beautiful stories that are easier to read than the original ones from the 3rd and 6th centuries. Even if you don’t know anything about the Talmud this book is so fascinating and fun to read. 

The G-d Who Hates Lies is literally perfect for you if you have issues with how women are viewed and treated in the most traditional sense of Judaism. It’s a really great criticism by people who are extremely qualified to make those criticisms (both are rabbi’s and I think they both have doctorates in theology, specifically Modern Orthodox Judaism, which makes for a really cool viewpoint). I can’t find anything about the third author of this book, who is a woman, but it’s comforting to know that a woman had a part in this as well. Obviously these people love Judaism, they just want to see it adapt to modernity. Just in general it’s a really thoughtful book that challenges dogma. 

Jewish Literacy was recommended by an anon (thank you!) The rest of the title is “The Most Important Things to Know about The Jewish Religion, Its People and Its History” so like. Ya get what ya see here folks. HOWEVER I did see a review that mentions there is some Islamophobia and hostility towards Jews who are antizionist. It does genuinely look informative and I haven’t read it myself so I can’t attune to whether or not that review is accurate, but maybe be cautious if you read this in knowing that the author may not be objective. 

Book of Mercy made me openly weep and feel something tender and weird in my heart and like. Okay so it’s not informative so much as it’s a book of poetry by Leonard Cohen (he was Jewish if you didn’t know!) He calls his poems “modern psalms” and honestly this would be a good read even if you aren’t religious at all because his writing is just so gorgeous. But it does have references to Judaism and his identity as a Jew 

Understanding Judaism is really a “building blocks” kind of book to me, if that makes sense? It’s really informative but also really basic and is fantastic for people who know very little about Judaism or just want a well presented understanding of the core aspects of the Jewish religion. Even if you aren’t a Jew who’s looking to learn or someone who is considering conversion it’s still a good book if you’re interested in world religions regardless of your faith or lack thereof. (man I’m starting to sound pretentious lmao I just mean like, if you’re an atheist or Catholic or whatever, it’s pretty interesting and also this guy is kinda dorky-funny so it makes for an easier read than some other books about religion)

Shmooze I think this is meant to be more for a group to read an discuss, and like, also maybe meant for a younger audience (I’m talking about teenagers so not really that young, but if you’ve been reading dull infodumps by 90 y/o Jewish rabbis with doctorate degrees this is gonna be a change of pace lmao) I should mention that I’ve only read like two pages of this book because I saw it at Barnes and Noble and just kinda briefly checked it out so I don’t know a ton about it but it stuck in my head and the reviews look positive so 

Obvious I don’t think you have to read all of those because I haven’t even read all of those so maybe just check one of them out if it seems like it could be helpful to you. 

Judaism here on tumblr dot com:

Okay so like. This is really my personal diced onion so take it however you will but keep in mind that this really only reflects things I’ve come across and how I feel. 

Obviously there are a lot of really great blogs about Judaism but I don’t have any specific ones to recommend I’m sorry :O I really really hate ~Discourse~ and like, in-depth arguments about the Holocaust because I get so wrapped up in it and let’s be honest, tumblr is all about the discourse and ignorance. That being said, I like to follow other people who are Jewish and blog about whatever because that usually leads to safer discussions and also is a great way to find really helpful thoughts and discussions by other Jews about topics like being LGBT, being a woman, being an atheist, etc. These are just nice to read and also if you aren’t familiar with certain Yiddish or Hebrew terms that are commonly used it’s a good way to see how and when they’re used in certain contexts. 

I’m going to tag anything like this that I post here as “good info” just so me and anyone who wants can find this stuff easier. No they won’t necessarily have anything to do with hockey. 

Also please be very careful when you’re reading a post that is presenting certain things as facts, always double check what someone is saying because misinformation is spread so quickly, and it’s almost always unintentional. The things that I find genuinely helpful/safe/fun involve opinions, common feelings and experiences, little personal stories and jokes, cool stuff like that. 

I’m Jewish on my father’s side :0

Me too boo. Unfortunately that’s an unending discussion, and one that is often held by matrilineal Jews and doesn’t actually include patrilineal Jews, nor does it consider our thoughts/feelings/experiences. Without sounding like an idiot, it is absolutely buckwild to me that there are people who have been raised Jewish, have never known anything other than Jewish tradition, have been subject to antisemitism, but still aren’t considered Jewish. 

And then this is where I see matrilineal Jews who hold this viewpoint bring up Reform Judaism, which is one of the three main branches of Judaism and does recognize patrilineall Jews as Jews. I’ve seen some discrepancy as to whether or not patrilineal Jews had to have been raised Jewish in order to be considered Jewish. This is all well and good for Jews like me whose family practices Reform Judaism, but for patrilineal Jews who wish to practice in an Orthodox or Conservative synagogue, it gets tricky. 

Basically, yes this is a huge topic that inspires a lot of disagreement, and that sucks, but here’s what it comes down to. No one else is allowed to make you feel inferior because of your heritage. So many people, even modern Orthodox Jews, recognize that certain aspects of Judaism need to adapt to today’s society. I don’t want to offend anyone here, but I really do feel that most matrilineal Jews who don’t consider us Jewish are extremely hypocritical (for a lot of reasons but mostly like...y’all really follow every aspect of Jewish Law? Like do you really? All of it? Girl do u? Or are you maybe just being elitist). Learning about your heritage, talking about shared experiences, combating antisemitism, these are all things that are fair game for you (especially for the anon who said they were atheist) and going to Shabbat services, praying, participating in holy days. That’s all yours if you want it, bubbeleh. 

Can I be an atheist Jew?

Sure you can! I, personally, am not an atheist so I wasn’t comfortable finding specific resources about this because I don’t really know much about it? It’s fine with me if you’re atheist that’s none of my business, I just don’t want to direct you to a bad source. But yes, many Jews are atheist, many are secular, I’m sure there are many here on tumblr. It’s absolutely okay, Judaism is an ethnoreligion, and while you may experience Judaism different than the rest of us, you’re still a Jew and still belong. 

Here’s an excerpt from a short lil synopsis of Judaism:

These three connotations of Judaism as a monotheistic system, as a literary tradition, and as a historical culture are sometimes viewed separately. For example, there are Jews who see themselves as culturally Jewish, but who are also non-religious or atheist, often identifying more strongly with Jewish “peoplehood” than with traditional understandings of God and Torah. Even so, all Jews would recognize that these three points of reference have shaped and guided Jewish experience through the ages.

Jewish “peoplehood” that they talk about is like. Culture, customs, food, art, history, etc. 

One last little note on this, you’ll hear a lot that Judaism focuses more on actions than on beliefs. This is an excellent article that is pretty short and worth reading that I want to include because I think that even if you don’t believe in G-d or even if you are seriously questioning, the focus on just. Doing good. Actively doing good things and trying to be a good person (I know that’s objective but bear with me) is a such a huge part of Judaism that you can try to incorporate into your life without having to subscribe to any sort of dogma or beliefs that you don’t hold. “Judaism is certainly a faith-based tradition. Belief in G-d is central to our religion. It just isn’t a prerequisite. If you are Jewish, you are so regardless of belief.” 

But I’m a feminist....

As you should be. This is probably another personal statement you gon’ wanna take with a grain of salt, but I think Judaism, especially in the last 50 years or so, has made huge strides in this. Especially Reform Judaism, but that kind of goes without saying. 

Example, my synagogue was founded as a Conservative synagogue. Our website still says we are. I’m not actually sure tbqh, like I said, my family are Reform Jews, and so are most other families in our congregation I think but this is literally the only synagoge for like hundreds of miles so. Anyways our rabbi is female (Rabbi Shaina!) and she does great work, we all love her. She’s really adament on teaching kids that gender shouldn’t keep you from anything, that Judaism is for all Jews, that it should enhance our lives. She wears a tallis, lays her tefillin, and reads from the Torah. 

My point here is that while this isn’t like, the end of misogyny in Judaism as we know it, it’s still a big deal in most religions to have a woman as their religious leader, essentially a position of religious power. For men to accept a woman as a religious leader is not something that is super common in most religions. And we’re like, a tiny congregation over a hundred miles away from anyone else, technically a Conservative synagogue, that’s super loving and accepting of a feminist running our shit... female rabbis are super common and I think it speaks a lot to how we’re progressing as a religion. Reform Judaism is going to be your best bet when it comes to tolerance but knowing that all three of the main branches are progressing, at least with this, is really comforting to me. 

However, that’s an extremely one sided view and doesn’t really show the issue as a whole. This super short article (? not sure) is a bit pessimistic in my mind but presents the other side of things and gives a good explanation of the traditional sources of misogyny in Judaism, so this could further your understanding as well. 

By no means are we perfect but we’re workin on it. Look into Jewish Feminism though, if you have the time. That article is just a lil intro to the topic. 

I’m Q*eer/LGBT and I’m not sure y’all are gonna be cool with that...

Well this one’s a doozy. 

I’ll kick this right off by presenting an article that is objective and does not reflect the author’s opinion, just lays out the issues at hand. It also has some links to other good pieces, including one cool story about a transgender man, Rafi Daugherty, embracing his role as a father and details his experience with pregnancy and giving birth. I should mention that I am cisgender so I’m interpreting this article through a different point of view, but it really does make a point of celebrating Rafi and his daughter and sharing their story. It does include a little cultural background context, but this is a positive story that I think deserves to be shared :) 

Then there’s this statement from the Religious Action Center of Reform Judaism that confirms its absolute acceptance and support of LGBT Jews. 

On the other side of things, there are still homophobic and intolerant Jews. Conversion camps were not just a Christian thing, there were Jewish conversion camps as well, which is horrific. Idk what to say because I think homophobia and transphobia in Judaism is really similar to what you would find in Christian settings. 

I’m bisexual and I feel completely welcomed by other Jews who know this about me, and I certainly don’t feel any less Jewish because of it. 

I live in a place where Jewish spaces are rare.

I really hate to disappoint with this one but I don’t have any specific sources or anything like that. Alls I got to say is that’s why the internet is so great? I really don’t feel like that’s helpful at all, but I think for the most part, the Jewish side of tumblr is pretty accepting and welcoming. Obviously that’s not always gonna be true though idkdjaskfl;dj

I spose with this one I wanna encourage anyone who has any good resources for involvement or something like that to reply to this post or drop by my inbox and let me know! Or maybe just your thoughts on some Jewish spaces you’ve encountered? 

I hope this was helpful

In conclusion, don’t let anyone make you feel less Jewish. Your sexual identity, gender identity, and even your belief in G-d doesn’t take away from your Jewishness. I’d like to say that since I started delving into Judaism a little more I’ve found a lot of peace. And yeah that sounds cliche and also vague but it’s really a breath of fresh air to learn about my family and know more about this community. Also if you’re comfortable with or willing to try prayer, even if you’re atheist, it can be a good way to decompress sometimes, a really therapeutic kind of way to voice your thoughts and feelings and reflect on them. 

There’s so much information and culture to delve into but it’s so so worth it to learn and I’m really happy for you that you’re interested in getting more in touch with your Jewish roots. 

If any of these links don’t work and you’d like to see them let me know!

[paypersonal876]

Eharmony Women

Starting the Communication as a Woman on eHarmony

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Some time ago I wrote an article discussing women making the first step in communication with online dating sites. My argument was that women should be encouraged to kick off the process, even if that only entailed some online “flirting”.

Eharmony Usa

EHarmony's new inclusive ads are enraging some on the right. The online matchmaker recently launched its first ad with a lesbian couple. Once viewed as unwelcoming to the LGBTQ community, popular. EHarmony is known for many things within the dating world, but one of their most unique features is their 29 dimensions of Compatibility Matching System. Neil Warren, a psychologist and Christian professor, founded eHarmony based upon this personality assessment. The entire emprise on eharmony for me was an etude into the shoal minds of American women and I say this as an American man, born and raised in the USA, but educated in the UK. Reply Kelly October 3, 2014. EHarmony is known as having one of the most in-depth, unique matching systems, and a lot of people want to know what kind of information they’ll be asked to give. Well, look no further because we’ve compiled a list of questions you can expect to find when joining eHarmony — as well as some tips for how to successfully answer them. Login to eharmony: Complete your profile, check your match list, use our communication features and make meaningful connections with compatible singles.

In that article, my main focus was sites like Match.com where the communication is started by one person by writing an email. However, recently I had a reader ask me a question regarding women making the first move with sites like eHarmony and I wanted to discuss my thoughts I shared with her.

When Online Dating Mirrors Real Life

With dating services like Match.com, there is a clear view of one of the people taking the first step. In some ways it’s similar to a bar: a man sees a woman he is interested in and walks over to her and introduces himself.

Match.com (and others like it) can be very similar in that one person is taking a step to initiate communication. Because of this many women hesitate to make the first move as this is viewed (in some traditional sense) as the man’s job. Even the women who don’t see it as the man’s “job” worry that starting the conversation could appear unattractive or desperate.

So Who Should Make the First Step in Communicating on eHarmony?

https://paypersonal876.tumblr.com/post/657836770639200256/loveawake-online-now. I feel that eHarmony is very different Jewish matchmaker sites. than the process described above. As I’ll be explaining, my opinion is that women should not hesitate at all to start the communication on eHarmony.

Eharmony Women

Many of the concerns women have simply don’t apply to eHarmony, in my opinion. In particular:

Will he find me unattractive if I start the conversation?

Am I assuming the man’s job?

Eharmony Profile Examples For Women

I honestly feel that these concerns shouldn’t apply to eHarmony. Here’s why: 1. eHarmony is Taking the First Step…NOT the Guy or the Girl The problem some women have with starting the communication is that they put themselves into what is traditionally viewed as the man’s role. With eHarmony this is not the case. Why?

Because eHarmony is taking the first step!

eHarmony is providing the matches; they are saying, “We think you two could have a nice time together.” No one person is putting themselves out on a limb. You have a match: do you want to start the communication process or not? If you’re a woman and you answer yes to that question, then go ahead and kick the process off…which brings me to my next thought. 2. The Process is Going to Be Exactly the Same Regardless of Who Starts It With eHarmony it is really more about starting a process than starting a conversation. There are no “traditional” roles for walking through a process like this.

In addition, no matter who kicks things off, you have to go through the same communication steps. You have to answer the same question, provide the same answers, and click the same buttons. For the first several steps neither the man nor the woman are in control: eHarmony is. This is just another reason to be encouraged to contact that guy you find interesting and to not over-think things!

My Own Experience with Match and eHarmony

I’d like to think of myself as progressive and a supporter of bra-burning and what-not but here’s the honest truth: when a woman contacted me on Match.com it did feel a little odd.

Not wrong! I liked being contacted. But strange all the same. Perhaps it was just because I received a very limited number of first contact emails compared to the number that I was initiating.

Conversely, eHarmony did not feel odd. It didn’t feel like anything (aside from interesting and possibly exciting). Also, on eHarmony I had a lot more women who started the process there (which may suggest that this article is simply pointing out the obvious to many women out there).

Regardless of whether you see at as obvious or not let me end with this:

If you are a woman wondering if you should start the eHarmony communication process, I would encourage you to do so!

The controlled environment this service offers really does support anyone getting the ball rolling.

Related posts:

Brad initially struggled with online dating but over time became quite successful using it. He met his wife using online dating and has been giving advice and helping people improve their results since 2007. He has written a Free Online Dating Guide to help others find success with online dating. You can learn more about his personal experience using online dating and running this website here.