#my one and only sister

[smoosie]

A different tomorrow

[opikiquu]

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[violent-viscera]

these two little girls were never born to be happy together.

[koschei-the-ginger]

[aroaceleovaldez]

HoO really is just Nico having the worst time of his life for like a month straight and that's really funny to me

[inkskinned]

you're grabbing lunch with a nice man and he gives you that strange grimace-smile that's popular right now; an almost sardonic "twist" of his mouth while he looks literally down on you. it looks like he practiced the move as he leans back, arms folded. he just finished reciting the details of NFTs to you and explaining Oppenheimer even though he only watched a youtube about it and hasn't actually seen it. you are at the bottom of your wine glass.

you ask the man across from you if he has siblings, desperately looking for a topic. literally anything else.

he says i don't like small talk. and then he smiles again, watching you.

a few years ago, you probably would have said you're above celebrity gossip, but honestly, you've been kind of enjoying the dumb shit of it these days. with the rest of the earth burning, there's something familiar and banal about dragging ariana grande through the mud. you think about jeanette mccurdy, who has often times gently warned the world she's not as nice as she appears. you liked i'm glad my mom died but it made you cry a lot.

he doesn't like small talk, figure out something to say.

you want to talk about responsibility, and how ariana grande is only like 6 days older than you are - which means she just turned 30 and still dresses and acts like a 13 year old, but like sexy. there's something in there about the whole thing - about insecurity, and never growing up, and being sexualized from a young age.

people have been saying that gay people are groomers. like, that's something that's come back into the public. you have even said yourself that it's just ... easier to date men sometimes. you would identify as whatever the opposite of "heteroflexible" is, but here you are again, across from a man. you like every woman, and 3 people on tv. and not this guy. but you're trying. your mother is worried about you. she thinks it's not okay you're single. and honestly this guy was better before you met, back when you were just texting.

wait, shit. are you doing the same thing as ariana grande? are you looking for male validation in order to appease some internalized promise of heteronormativity? do you conform to the idea that your happiness must result in heterosexuality? do you believe that you can resolve your internal loneliness by being accepted into the patriarchy? is there a reason dating men is easier? why are you so scared of fucking it up with women? why don't you reach out to more of them? you have a good sense of humor and a big ol' brain, you could have done a better job at online dating.

also. jesus christ. why can't you just get a drink with somebody without your internal feminism meter pinging. although - in your favor (and judgement aside) in the case of your ariana grande deposition: you have been in enough therapy you probably wouldn't date anyone who had just broken up with their wife of many years (and who has a young child). you'd be like - maybe take some personal time before you begin this journey. like, grande has been on broadway, you'd think she would have heard of the plot of hamlet.

he leans forward and taps two fingers to the table. "i'm not, like an andrew tate guy," he's saying, "but i do think partnership is about two people knowing their place. i like order."

you knew it was going to be hard. being non-straight in any particular way is like, always hard. these days you kind of like answering the question what's your sexuality? with a shrug and a smile - it's fine - is your most common response. like they asked you how your life is going and not to reveal your identity. you like not being straight. you like kissing girls. some days you know you're into men, and sometimes you're sitting across from a man, and you're thinking about the power of compulsory heterosexuality. are you into men, or are you just into the safety that comes from being seen with them? after all, everyone knows you're failing in life unless you have a husband. it almost feels like a gradebook - people see "straight married" as being "all A's", and anything else even vaguely noncompliant as being ... like you dropped out of the school system. you cannot just ignore years of that kind of conditioning, of course you like attention from men.

"so let's talk boundaries." he orders more wine for you, gesturing with one hand like he's rousing an orchestra. sir, this is a fucking chain restaurant. "I am not gonna date someone who still has male friends. also, i don't care about your little friends, i care about me. whatever stupid girls night things - those are lower priority. if i want you there, you're there."

he wasn't like this over text, right? you wouldn't have been even in the building if he was like this. you squint at him. in another version of yourself, you'd be running. you'd just get up and go. that's what happens on the internet - people get annoyed, and they just leave. you are locked in place, almost frozen. you need to go to the bathroom and text someone to call you so you have an excuse, like it's rude to just-leave. like he already kind of owns you. rudeness implies a power paradigm, though. see, even your social anxiety allows the patriarchy to get to you.

you take a sip of the new glass of wine. maybe this will be a funny story. maybe you can write about it on your blog. maybe you can meet ariana grande and ask her if she just maybe needs to take some time to sit and think about her happiness and how she measures her own success.

is this settling down? is this all that's left in your dating pool? just accepting that someone will eventually love you, and you have to stop being picky about who "makes" you a wife?

you look down to your hand, clutching the knife.

[constarlations]

Pokémon Timeskip Series: Battle Legend Lyra 🍒🍂

One of the two Johto-Kanto champions, Lyra is best known for her bright and cheery down to earth attitude both on and off the battle field! She likes to travel ALOT you can find her in coffee shops in Kalos or surfing the waves in Alola or just about anywhere with her Fiancé, Silver by her side and never turns down a challenge to a good battle (even if she accidentally sweeps the other person’s team whoops) Her favorite drink is boba tea, her birthday is March 4th, she has a crippling gatcha AND otome addiction, and is 165 cm tall but that’s all for text no one is gonna read aaaaaa-

Drew out my timeskip Lyra due to me wanting to update a few things in regards to her design (can’t believe it’s been almost two years since my timeskip designs HELP) but I hope you enjoy!

Twitter Link

[bastart13]

This has been tried about a thousand times, but it really is fun trying to see what a genetically-realistic Warrior Cats would look like!

For my attempt, I went in terms of introduction order, like how it would have been built as the writers go through each book.

Firestar and Sandstorm are described as ginger cats in the first arc, so Squirrelstar and Leafpool end up ginger in the second. Then Firestar and Princess being described as siblings, so their mother has to be a tortie but Jake cannot be ginger or Princess would also be tortie.

I still tried to make every cat as accurate as I could to their original description, so Jayfeather and Hollyleaf are described as a grey tabby and black cat respectively, so they become low-red torties.

(You have trans headcanons because it suits the character, I have trans headcanons to suit cat colour genetics. We are not the same)

Also, my changes tended to be additive rather than subtractive. Jayfeather and Crowfeather are described with blue eyes, so I added white to make that more plausible vs changing their eye colours.

[moodyvoid]

The League of Villains picking a getaway car.

Giran: “I’ve got two options for you. First is a slightly smaller car, not enough seats for all of you, so someone’s going to have to sit on someone’s lap— the engine also stalls sometimes.”

Tomura: “… and the other one?”

Giran: “It’s a nice car. It’s big enough to seat all of you, drives fast, has heated seats— there’s just one thing though…”

Tomura: “What?”

Giran: “The radio is stuck on the country music station.”

Tomura: “…”

The league all sitting in the smaller, shittier car. Twice is sitting on Dabi’s lap.

Dabi: “Why the hell didn’t we take the bigger car?”

Tomura: “I’ve been through a lot of shit in my life. Abuse, neglect, loss, manipulation, pain, trauma, death… but there is no way in hell I will ever subject myself to country music.”

The rest of the league: “Understandable.”

[strawberriederror]

“Cuando tengo que admitir a mis propios errores para aprender y crecer:”

i HATW it, but ig someone’s gotta get me off my high horse once in a while

Odio estar en lo incorrecto pero alguien tiene q ponerme en lo correcto de vez en cuando 🙄 (broma)

[kotdish]

who would gaf about my bully au with scout tf2 ‼️

[demigods-posts]

i was sitting in my room thinking of how convenient it is that the books in the pjo series takes places before or after the school year. then i remembered that ttc happened during winter break. and that percy and annabeth likely returned for their second semester after that quest. what a tragedy.

[livvylubug]

Okay so one day I was like “I wanna draw Uzi as a freaky monster that no body with a lick of sense would look at and go ‘omg Uzi’ “ and so in classic me fashion, here’s an au LOL

Say hello to the Kritter AU (why’s it named that? I don’t know! Who cares! :D)

Where Uzi got turned into a scary monster and is looking for a fix! With her step-sister Lizzy of course.

If anybody has some weird and fun ideas for drawings or questions then ask away, and hopefully I’ll actually respond to them LMFAO.

Extra Doodles:

[gaia-is-here-now]

Maychance a Tango sleeping in the strangest of places?? (dealers choice)

i call this one "accident victim"

[egophiliac]

Of the TWST cards you own, which is your favorite (or favorites of you can't decide)?

(not that I'm still salty over that, nope, no way)

seriously though, this turned out to be harder to answer than I thought! I did actually manage to pull Stitch Lilia (THANK YOU TWSTFEST for the free bonus keys!) and he's absolutely adorable, I've literally been doing random battles just to watch him surf around and high-five Stitch. a fine addition to the Lilia collection!

in terms of proudest/most unbelievable achievement, that is 100% when I somehow managed to pull every single Scary Monsters card except one (only missing Rook!). I think I used up all my luck on that one, but at least it was for the Halloween cards! (after Scary Monsters and Glorious Masquerade, I'm so afraid of what this year's Halloween event is going to be, what if they look amazing how am I supposed to save my keys nooooo)

if I REALLY have to pick one, though...there is actually one card that I think I would call my favorite! he just makes me happy every time I look at him. :>