#my old dentist I loved was 25 minutes

[hafwen]

I’m so stressed about my dentist appointment today and my husband said we can do whatever I feel up for after as a special treat but I’m so stressed I just want my treat to be not going

[i-cant-sing]

Dr snow i have a phobia from dentists. Should I be scared of you too ?

some mom's tell me to scare their kid so that they listen to her and yknow im all for putting up the most dramatic performance of my life.

jk jk. actually, i think that everyone has a little bit of dental phobia, no matter what age. anyone, including me, once we get into that dental chair, we're all scared because im ngl- while it is rare, accidents do happen.

but ive gotten equally good at managing dental phobic patients. I'm very good at distracting patients and the key is to lie so elaborately and keep on talking about ANYTHING, so that the patient's brain is too overstimulated to even think about the pain or needle or anything. the 75 year old has her eyes wide because she's listening to me telling her about how I had to make a fancy dinner for 25 people and no one said THANK YOU! none of that happened, but she felt seen because she came from a background where she had to be slave over the hot stove and have ungrateful ass kids and husband and in laws. so in a way, i healed her, i acted as a therapist and a dentist. and i didnt get paid, so she sympathised for me <3333

best thing about my job personally is 1. gaslighting. i just love telling these elaborate stories to distract patients. 2. these old patients, grandparents type- they're so sweet and they're giving me blessings and duas and wishing me all the luck and patting my head, all because i LISTENED to them. anyone couldve treated their tooth, but no one took the time to listen to these lonely patients. they just wanna be heard, be seen. like i remember this old verteran who was telling me his war tales and even though i couldnt understand most of his story because he had a dialect and also he had no teeth, but u best believe i sat there for 45 minutes asking me to tell him just how he operated the machine gun, all his badges and medals. my man gave me blessings and prayers, and if i were to even mess up his denture, he wouldve forgiven me because i took the time to listen.

its really gratifying when u see how happy patients and their family is, how they give u sweet duas and wish u so well. its one the main reasons that i wanted to become a doctor, because i heard how sweet these patients were to my brother. they would be crying tears of joy to him, thanking him for everything and all.

[captainsquality]

This post is one I have highly relevant experience to so.

OP IS RIGHT. IT IS NEVER FUCKING TOO LATE. I don't care how far gone you are, taking better care of yourself will ALWAYS have benefits. It will always help.

My dental health is in shambles, okay.

I'm 31 years old and I have partial dentures- they snap in like a retainer to replace the two lower molars I've lost and give me more surface to yknow. EAT with. and lessen the stress on my remaining natural teeth.

I WILL lose all my teeth eventually. This much is inevitable, and I will be dealing with that much, MUCH earlier in life than most other people who would.

DESPITE THIS, IMPROVING MY SELF CARE AND BRUSHING BETTER IS STILL NOT TOO-LITTLE-TOO-LATE.

Even with my situation, better brushing means my gums and mouth are healthier. It means that I am extending the life of my remaining natural teeth, and saving a LOT of money because I'm not having to worry about a ton of extractions etc all at once. Hell if I'm lucky, maybe I will be able to in that time save up for some implants, which will help preserve the integrity and shape of my jaw as a whole.

A big part of me even getting to this point at all is because for the first time in my life, at age like....25-26, I started seeing a dentist who did something other than just shame me and lecture me on better brushing and tell me I was childish and lazy for not doing it.

There is a tooth still in my head now, saved by this dentist, that my previous provider wanted to pull.

My current dentist doesn't sugarcoat my situation. She wants me to recognize the reality of where I am and what I'm going to face as time goes on. But she does it coming from a place of 'the reason you got here isn't because you're lazy and i can tell that just from talking to you for ten minutes.'

She knows I struggle with my self care to a torturous extent and she knows that mental and physical health, as well as financial constraints, have been a bigger obstacle for me than laziness or childishness ever have.

Her approaching me as an adult experiencing early dental crisis as a resulting symptom of trauma, chronic illness, disability and financial stress rather than 'ugh gross so lazy grow UP' has made it easier for me to seek her help when i Need it, and to put in the effort to take better care of myself in general.

There will be points of no return with some things when it comes to this. But starting to brush better is never a Too Late thing. I can't save my teeth in the long run, but I can take better care of them so that they will last as long as possible, and so that any major care I need for them will be spaced out- and therefore much more affordable.

There's so much stigma and shame put around dental self neglect specifically, and also in having bad teeth. And that makes overcoming the self neglect harder, not easier. Shame isn't the right motivator when it comes to self care or self love. It never has been and never will be.

Fight back against that.

You are not lazy, or childish. You are struggling in this area for a reason. You deserve to be taken seriously and treated kindly. By the people around you, by health professionals, but most importantly by yourself.

it's never too late to start brushing your teeth again. i basically never brushed my teeth for a whole 10 years. a decade. A DECADE. i still struggle to brush my teeth once a week, but it all started with brushing my teeth once every few months. so i mean it when i say brushing your teeth once a week, a month, a year, or even a decade, is better than nothing.

and still, nothing is not shameful. it is not immoral to struggle with self care. and it is also not pointless to keep trying. anything you can do, even if its wiping plaque off with a towel, is enough. it is good to take care of yourself however you can, even if it's just trying to muster the will to. reading this post is good, too.

i believe in you and i am proud of you, even in the smallest of steps. it's okay. you can give yourself grace.

[swimmingnewsie]

Scout and I have finished episodes 21-30, which means its time for another round of watching The Most Domestic Power Rangers Team Ever.

Part 1 || Part 2 || Part 4

Episode 21 - The Last Race

A banger opening with Wes being a little shit and eating every one’s donuts- which with new knowledge that there is no junk food in the year 3000, Wes is even more of a little shit

RIP Lucas having to go back to traffic school.

RANGERS IN PAJAMAS!!!

The team having breakfast together is Good Shit

“Someone else drives like you, Lucas.”

Episode 22 - Lovestruck Rangers

Katie bringing everyone coffee as her odd job for the day is real sweet. You can’t really tell if they’re individual orders or all black coffee, but I will think the former for more domestic feels.

Katie’s little smile when she realizes that she doesn’t have another job for the day

Katie lightly teasing Lucas for doing his hair again. 

“You think you used enough hair gel?”

Jen prodding Lucas about this girl, while also stealing some of his candy

“I hope she has a good dentist!”

Trip walking in high as a kite on love, sniffing the flowers, and the girls are just concern and curious.

Lucas joking with Trip about having it in him to go on a date.

Katie and Jen talking afterwards 

“I think it’s so great that Trip and Lucas are dating!” “Me too!”

Such supportive friendship

Jen subsequently getting jealous after Wes mentions his new girl

Cut to a few minutes later in which Katie and Jen are ready to murder the boys for this whole bit with Angelique

Katie and Jen trying to break up the morphed fight later and eventually succeeding

Jen doing accounting at the end of the day when Wes walks in from his odd job. I’m glad someone has figured out how to run a business in the year 2001.

I’m trying so hard to not just list every cute Jen/Wes moment because I do ship it and it doesn’t necessarily make it domestic, but the two of them almost kissing and getting caught by the phone? Perfection.

Episode 23 - Full Exposure

Katie just casually lifting up Trip and the couch so she can vacuum underneath it and not make him move. Also Jen and Lucas also cleaning behind them- why are Trip and Wes cleaning?

Jen hyping up Katie and her strength before sending her off on the photography job

Katie protecting her fellow rangers from powering down when she realizes what the photographer wants to do.

“Jen are you sure we have to leave?” Trip my baby boy, so sweet T_T. You can tell he’s feeling a bit freaked out, and Jen is being caring

Jen immediately defending Katie when the photographer drops by and telling him that Katie doesn’t want to see him 

Episodes 24-25 Movie Madness

Oh my god I loved these episodes so much, even if the team was separated for a lot of it

Wes showing Trip old cowboy movies and sharing interests

Jen showing restraint in not murdering the boys for their loud TV and making a mess while she’s trying to work

Katie knowing that Frankie Cheng is Jen’s favorite action star

Everyone hypemanning Wes when he exits costume and makeup

Everyone subsequently defending Wes when the stunts go back and he could have gotten seriously hurt

We’re going to skim past the movie sequences since mostly everyone was apart, but I do want to say just how much I loved the fight and dance chorography for the individual scenes.

Wes trying to keep his cool with Trip when Trip points out “they’re all wearing black hats” and getting them drinks at the saloon.

Everyone reuniting was also adorable

The hand huddle after being chased is peak friendship

There are so many hugs in the second part of the episode, it is my everything

It’s not necessarily domestic, but I would be amiss to not mention the team getting in drag and just feeling themselves and it’s The Best.

The gang watching a movie together at the end and reminiscing about their movie scenes together. 

Episode 26 - Time Force Traitor

I was tipped off that this episode had some good domestic scenes and I was Not disappointed

Wes and Jen are baking cookies

The team about ready to send out a search party when Jen has not come back after a while

Jen coming in and insisting she is fine despite being obviously injured

Lucas picking up the mantle and telling Wes the story so that Jen doesn’t have to do it all herself

The team immediately working to stop her from giving herself up

Wes reminding her that they are all a team, and they trust each other

Despite Jen going on her own to deal with this anyway, no one gets mad or angry at her. Which is an equivalent domestic act if you ask me. They’re just worried about her and her safety.

Wes immediately going to take care of a demoprhed Jen- similar to episode 8. 

Wes holding Jen in that hug, tight enough until that spell breaks and she passes out

Wes being happy that Eric is helping, even if he is being a bit of dick. 

Jen trying to make cookies for Wes as an apology for beating the shit out of them. And everyone avoiding them because they are quite bad.

Episode 27 - Frax’s Fury

Jen is almost fully passed out after getting bit by Venomark and Trip despite also being bitten is trying to help her up when Ransik enters the fight scene.

Wes immediately jumping into action and getting his friends ice packs and tucked into bed to alleviate whatever pain he can. He puts an ice pack on Trip’s head, lays Katie back down, and convinces Jen to rest and sleep.

Jen, despite probably being the sickest of all of them, hears Katie’s groans and tries to get up and help.

Wes steals a pack of medicine for his team

Jen can barely lift her head up, so Wes pours the medicine in himself

Jen gives the biggest hug after the medicine hits

Wes’s little thumbs up to Eric

Episode 28 - Dawn of Destiny

The scene where Trip finds a Polaroid and calls it an ‘antique camera’ gives me so much life

The whole sequence where they are taking pictures together is adorable. Especially ending on Wes kissing Jen on the cheek and everyone is ‘playfully’ annoying her

Trip can tell Jen is still worried about the serum, and checks in on her after the fights

Episodes 29-30 - Fight Against Fate/Destiny Defeated

These two episodes are a two parter in all but name, so I’m putting them together

Jen following Wes out and trying to comfort him after Alex takes the morpher and he finds out his dad is in the hospital

Jen still being the real leader of the team, even when Alex decrees himself leader

Everyone clocking Jen calling Alex “Wes”

Jen comforting Trip and Katie after Alex yells at them

“What did we do to make him so mad?” “We didn’t do anything, Katie.”

It’s not a domestic interaction, but it is intimate

I Guess we’ll mention Eric and his birds again because it is kinda cute

Wes looking at the polaroids of all his friends 

Wes coming home to an injured Circuit and cradling him, while having a mental breakdown similar to Troy Bolton from the cinematic masterpiece known as High School Musical 3

Everyone is so sad and miserable in these two episodes and it’s kinda a bummer.

Scout and I plan to finish the season this week and I’m very excited to see what the last 10 episodes have to offer. Once the season is over, I’m going to put together a Top 5 or Top 10 domestic episodes list. Thanks for riding along on this journey!

[mhdiaries]

Brand-Boo Students Batsy Claro Diary

May 25th

Honestly, some monsters should just stay in the city. “It’s too hot.” “The bugs are biting me.” “When do we stop for lunch?” “My bed has a snake in it!” “There’s a giant spider in my tent!” Hey! It’s a jungle for screaming out loud! What do they expect? Then, about the time I seriously start to consider just leaving them to find their own way home, I take a deep breath and I escort them to a crystal clear, refreshingly cold waterfall to make them forget the heat. I spray them with monster-strength insect repellant (a concoction I created myself from all natural ingredients) to keep off the bugs. I find a shady spot on the trail and feed them the most scary sweet tropical fruit they’ve ever tasted. I remind the boa constrictor that the beds are for tourists and I tell the spider that while she is indeed beautiful, perhaps using the inside wall of a tent is not the best place to show if off (especially if that tent contains a ghoul who is arachnophobic). I was complaining to my father today about a particularly whiny group, and he reminded me again that the tourists we guide are guests in our “home,” and that if we make them feel welcome then they will want to return, and they will tell their friends about the wonderful time they had as well. I guess he’s right, but I really am tempted to answer the next tourist who asks me, “Is it always hot here?” with, “Only when it doesn’t snow.”

June 1st

Last year I guided a group of teachers from Monster High. They were scary cool and excited about everything, although the school counselor, Mr. D’eath, seemed to spend a lot of time jumping at his own shadow. It was a five day trip so I got to spend a lot of time with all of them. I really liked Headless Headmistress Bloodgood who knew a lot about the jungle, but also asked lots of good questions about things she didn’t know. She also told me about their monster exchange program and encouraged me to sign up for it. I wasn’t too sure about it, but she said it would be a great way to meet other ghouls and mansters and get them excited about coming to Costa Shrieka and seeing my beautiful country for themselves. So I sent in an application for the program, never thinking that I would ever be chosen. I actually forgot about it until today when my guidance counselor called me into her office to tell me that I’d been accepted. She was as excited as I was surprised. “This is a great opportunity for you, and I definitely think you should take it,” she said. I’m still not sure, but I have a couple of weeks to give them my answer so I want to think about it some more before I make a decision. I hope the fact that I’m dating somebody isn’t clouding that decision, but I really like him, and even though I’m not easily confused, this has me completely turned around without any sense of direction.

June 12th

The only tour I had scheduled today was for a group of retired monsters who were all part of an orchid club. Every year they choose some place in the monster world that is known for its orchids, and they all get together and go there. It was only a half day trip so I figured I would hustle them in and out and have the rest of the day to myself. Didn’t quite turn out that way because I may have been the guide, but they were the experts; in particular was a tall old gentle monster of a werewolf with bright blue eyes and almost completely white fur. Usually I spend the majority of my time answering questions, but today I definitely did more of the asking. They were all so enthusiastic and respectful of everything they saw and came into contact with that I was sorry when the tour was over. I actually offered to take them to a place I rarely ever show the tourists. Yes, I understand that it’s selfish of me, but I’d rather keep it to myself than waste it on random groups of monsters who might not appreciate it. Not all of them took me up on the offer because they had other things scheduled for the day, but a small group did. So I led them to a secluded spot where a small waterfall spills out of a cave in the side of a cliff and collects in a beautiful, clear green pool down below. The pool is surrounded by flowers and orchids of every shape and size. It’s the most beautiful spot in the jungle, and they gasped when they first saw it. Of course, when Mom flew out of the cave with a picnic lunch for us all, I had to tell them it was my front yard. While we ate they asked me all sorts of questions about my unlife and what I wanted to do with it. I told them about my chance to be an exchange student at Monster High, and how I was having trouble making up my mind about what I wanted to do. They mostly all agreed that living in a place this beautiful would make it hard to ever want to leave, but none of them wanted to tell me what I should do one way or the other. That is, except for the elderly werewolf, who told me that if I didn’t go I would always wonder, but if I went away and came back then I would always know. He also told me that he happened to have several great-grandchildren who have graduated from Monster High, and a few more who were still there. After lunch they thanked Mom for the excellent food, and me for sharing the beauty of our home. The werewolf didn���t say anything else about what I should do, but he did give me his card. It had a family crest and a phone number on it. “If you do decide to go, just call that number and I’ll make sure our pack will take care of you as well as you have taken care of us.” I was still thinking about what he said several hours later when I sent Headmistress Bloodgood a note telling her I would come.

June 15th

I realize that I don’t exactly seem like a soft and cuddly kind of ghoul, at least on the outside. Maybe it’s because the jungle, even in all its beauty, can be a rather harsh place; and I was taught from the time I was just a little ghoul that I needed to pay attention to everything around me, and to never forget that just because conditions are perfect one minute, there is no guarantee that they will remain that way the next. So I have to be firm – or harsh depending on whom you ask – when it comes to dealing with certain situations in the jungle. More than once I’ve had to yell first and apologize later when someone in a tour group needed to pay attention to his surroundings and wasn’t. so, how did I manage to mangle breaking up with my manster friend so badly? I knew exactly what I needed to say: “I’m going to Monster High and I don’t think a long distance relationship would be good for either of us, so it would be best if we just broke up face-to-face rather than dragging it out long distance.” Direct and right to the point I thought, and so I met him at his locker today ready to say what needed to be said, only when I opened my mouth nothing came out. Not a growl, not a chirp, not even a squeak. It was like my heart reached up, grabbed my tongue, and tied a knot in it. I must have sounded like a ghoul trying to quote Spooksphere after having her mouth numbed by the dentist in preparation for an all-day session of cavity filling. I think I may have even drooled at one point. What a mess. Eventually, I was able to semi-coherently tell him, but by that time it was clear that it wasn’t what either of us wanted. So we decided to try to give the long-distance thing a chance. Hopefully before I leave I can do something way less stressful, like pull a jaguar from a tourist’s tent.

June 18th

I left the cave early and flew to a pinnacle of rock that rises about the thick canopy of trees that surrounds us. I sat on a ledge and listened as the music of the night faded. It’s the time when the creatures of the night are closing their eyes in sleep and the day walkers have yet to open theirs and wake. I love this time of day, it is the only time the jungle is ever quiet. Just a brief moment before the sun rises and a new day begins. I wonder if there is ever a time in the city when there is this kind of quiet? Well, I suppose that I should get used to learning what it means to be a tourist. Hopefully, I’ll listen to my guides at Monster High better than the tourists listen to me… lol.

June 20th

Monster High! Some creature from that… place… has taken a ghost orchid! Like it was some common dandeadlion. There are only a handful of ghost orchids left anywhere in the monster world and the idea that some monster, any monster, would steal one from the jungle just to add to their collection makes my blood boil. I cannot in good conscience attend a school that would agree to let something such as this happen. I feel like I have failed in my duties as a protector of my home. I should just stay here and not allow any monsters to ever enter the jungle again, but then the orchid would still be in a place that it should not be. No, I will go to Monster High so I can bring back the ghost orchid and return it to its rightful place. A place where it shall never be in peril again.

[purplesurveys]

1059

surveys by lets-make-surveys

1 - When you wake up, do you get up straight away or do you lie around in bed for a while? Lie in bed, even on work days. I work from home, so there’s nothing to prepare or look nice for, anyway. I can stay in bed and just roll out of it and head to my desk at 9 AM to start the day.

2 - Who was the last person you video-called with? Have you done this more often since COVID hit? Video calls make me anxious, so I’ve always turned them down even when it was someone I’m close with who was trying to call, like Angela. The only person I’ve felt comfortable having video calls with was Gab but that obviously hasn’t happened in a while. I think the last people I saw on video was my dad’s family, though I was still shy and asked my mom not to put me in the shot for too long.

3 - How many times a week do you go out for food or drink? Back then I’d do it 2-3 times a week. Then Covid happened and I had to stop; but now that I’m starting to try to put in more effort to take care of myself, I try to bring myself to a coffee shop for me time at least once during weekends.

4 - Do you prefer getting takeaway or actually sitting in a restaurant and eating your meal there? Dine-in. For me ambience is a big part of eating food, and even if I had the once-in-a-lifetime chance of getting to eat the absolute best meal in the whole world, if I’m eating it alone at home I would still feel like shit.

5 - Where’s your favourite place to get takeaway coffee (or whatever your drink of choice is)? Starbucks. We have five joints in the highway I live on alone, so it’s both a personal preference and a I-don’t-really-have-a-choice type of situation haha.

6 - Do you tend to keep your phone on silent, vibrate or loud? It’s on vibrate during work days; then I’ve formed a habit of putting it on Do Not Disturb during weekends or holidays.

7 - If you have pets, when was the last time one of them annoyed you? What happened? Cooper thought my hand was a toy earlier so he was biting on it, and not in a very playful way.

8 - When was the last time you went into a bookshop? Around a week ago when I was buying presents; I needed to get my cousin the mechanical pencils and eraser she wanted for Christmas. I also came across the bookshop that Gab and I would make a habit to visit, but I didn’t go inside as I didn’t know if I was prepared for the memories that would inevitably flood back. I looked through the stuff they had on their windows, though.

9 - What was the last thing you ordered off Amazon? I don’t know if Amazon operates here. But the last thing I got from a local e-commerce app - don’t judge me HAHA - is a phone socket featuring the face of my newest K-drama crush. I placed my order literally 10 minutes ago.

10 - When was the last time you took a dog out for a walk? Is this your own dog or did you borrow someone else’s? Yesterday. Both were my family’s dogs.

11 - What jewellery do you have on at the moment? Not wearing any, haven’t worn any in a while.

12 - Do you have any products in your hair right now? What are they? Just shampoo and conditioner. I never put anything else on it; I don’t really deem hair products other than those two a necessity.

13 - Have you ever used a VPN to access foreign content online? Hahaha no. I’ve wanted to try it out, but I’ve always been paranoid that the NBI would come knocking at my door the moment I install one of those.

14 - Who was the last artist you listened to? Is this someone you’re a fan of? She’s a Korean singer named Cheeze, though she’s honestly unfamiliar to me. The song she contributed for the OST of Start-Up is my absolute favorite in the entire tracklist, and that’s how I knew of her.

15 - What was the last thing you had to drink? I’m at a cafe joint right now and they didn’t have my usual order of caramel macchiato, so I opted for a Spanish latté because it sounded new to me.

16 - When was the last time you cooked something for the first time? Did it work out the way it was supposed to? I made a Monte Cristo sandwich, if that counts as ~cooking; this was about a little more than a monthh ago. It worked out significantly better than I was expecting, given how rubbish I am in the kitchen. I lacked a couple of ingredients, like mustard for the sauce and the right kind of cheese, but I still ended up liking it.

17 - Black cats are considered to be bad luck - is this a superstition that you’ve ever believed in? Not me personally, but I know this is still widely believed in my country. It’s sad, so I approach black cats whenever I can and play with them for a bit.

18 - Would you ever eat blue cheese or do you find the idea of eating mould to be pretty repulsive? It is definitely not my favorite; I’d say 5 times out of 10 I would consume it, and the other 5 I would set it aside. I enjoy it the most in pizzas and as a sauce for chicken wings.

19 - Do you visit the dentist every six months like you should? Is that the standard schedule? Lmao. I only go when I have to.

20 - How old were you when you first used the internet? Was it dial-up or did you have access to proper broadband? I was first exposed to the internet at around the ages of 3 and 4, when my mom would use the dial-up internet to email my dad (he had just started to work abroad). For many years I thought Yahoo Mail was the only website that existed, since that’s all I saw my mom use. Eventually my dad got broadband for the family by the time I was 10, and the first website I ever looked up was YouTube.

21 - Are you old enough to remember using floppy discs? I remember those; I just never had to use them myself.

22 - When was the last time you purchased an actual DVD or CD? Andi gave me a Petals For Armor CD for Christmas, if it counts. Because they’re the most awesome fucking friend. The last DVD I bought myself was probably a Beyoncé's Life Is But A Dream, which was...holy crap, 7 whole years ago.

23 - Do you shave? Which body parts and how often? I do. I shave my underarms every few days, and my legs monthly.

24 - What’s your favourite season, and what are some of your favourite things about that season? We don’t have the usual four seasons we hear about in other countries; we only have wet and dry. Between those two, I definitely like wet more because I love the rain, and I like how cold it can get.

25 - When was the last time you burned yourself? I took a big bite of a lumpiang togue yesterday when it was still piping hot, so it felt like I almost burned my tongue and the roof of my mouth. But since I was a guest at my dad’s family’s house, I couldn’t spit it out.

26 - Have you ever been the victim of a theft or robbery? What was stolen? Did the police ever catch the person who did it? Someone stole my wallet in high school, and I never got it back. It was a small petty thing that the police didn’t need to be involved in, lol. I know my mom’s family got robbed when she was a teenager, though; the worst thing that got stolen was their grand piano :(

27 - What was the last TV show you discovered that you really liked? What was it that got you to watch it in the first place? START UP. I first heard of it from my co-workers who would mention the show here and there; and because I was new to the team and wanted to have something in common with them so that I can break the ice, I figured I should start on the show myself. Ended up getting obsessed with the show and gaining a new Korean crush altogether.

28 - Have you seen any of the live-action Disney remakes? Which one is your favourite? What about your least favourite? No, those have never looked even remotely appealing to me. I never saw the point of recycling movies that already exist and already feel magical by themselves.

29 - Do you have any exciting plans for tomorrow? If not, how are you planning to spend your day? It doesn’t sound exciting on its own, but I’m very much looking forward to be a homebody tomorrow haha. We’ve been with extended family for five days straight and I’m at a café right now for some me time, so tomorrow I can’t wait to just be at home and lounge around.

30 - Would you ever keep a working dog as a pet? Do you think it’s fair to keep dogs like huskies in flats when it’s so different to their natural environments? If the dog is already trained or certified to be a certain kind of working dog, I don’t see the point in keeping them for myself when they could be beneficial for other purposes. The only time I see myself adopting a working dog is if they’re already at the point of retirement and would need a loving home to live out their remaining years.

--

1 - Are you a fan of garlic bread? Do you eat it on its own or as part of a bigger meal? Love garlic bread; I regularly have it with my pasta and occasionally, pizza.

2 - When was the last time your area was under some kind of weather warning? Did it end up being as bad as predicted? Last month, during Typhoon Rolly. Other cities had worse experiences, but it also wasn’t sunshine and rainbows on our end. We had a blackout for around two days and I had to file for an emergency leave four days into my new job, which was super embarrassing. It didn’t flood in our street but the water was high in other areas in our village, so we couldn’t go out for a while.

3 - Do you ever buy things from charity/thrift shops? What was the last thing you bought from there? I don’t recall ever buying anything from either.

4 - The last time you got fast food, did you eat in, takeaway or go through the drive-thru? My last fast food wasssssss Jollibee, and my parents got it for takeout so that we could eat as a family at home.

5 - If you have multiple pets, do they get along with each other? Hahaha no they don’t. It’s been six months since we got Cooper but the two still don’t get along, unless it’s Kimi trying to hump him. It’s understandable; Cooper is a vibrant pup that’s super excited and play bites all the time, and on the other side is a nearly 13 year old, nearly blind, can’t-smell-as-well-as-he-used-to senior dog; and I get that Kimi’s more sensitive to sudden movements now.

6 - Do you ever buy things off eBay? If you do, do you participate in auctions or do you just use the “buy it now” option? I never go on eBay. And since I’ve never checked it out, I never understood the gimmick of the website.

7 - When you go out, do you worry that you’ve forgotten to lock the door or turn something off? Yeah, this is especially the case with locking the front door.

8 - What fruits and vegetables have you eaten so far today? Do you tend to get your “five a day”? I didn’t know five a day is a thing of some sort; but it’s only 8:47 AM and I haven’t eaten anything at all yet today.

9 - When was the last time you were in pain? What caused it and did you manage to get it sorted in the end? Last night when my back was giving me hell. As for the cause...idk, years of bad posture maybe? I was able to deal with it for a bit with the new massage pillow that my dad got for Christmas.

10 - Do you live in an area that gets lots of snow? Do you like it? If not, would you like to live somewhere that gets that cold? I would love to move somewhere that’s generally more cold. Humidity gets exhausting to deal with.

11 - What was the reason for your last doctor/hospital visit? My fever had already been lasting for a week and wasn’t showing signs of going away. No Covid symptoms, just pure hellish fever.

12 - If someone had told you that 2020 would see a global pandemic, countries going into lockdown, compulsory face masks and millions of deaths, would you have ever believed that you’d live through something like that? My personal biggest surprise for 2020 wasn’t even the pandemic. I would have had a more violent reaction if I was told I would no longer be in a relationship and be barely talking to my then-girlfriend of six years by the end of 2020.

13 - Do you prefer having the blinds/curtains open or closed when you’re at home? Does it depend on the weather or the time of day? Always closed. I don’t ever voluntarily open the curtains or windows to let the sunshine in.

14 - Do you use an ad-blocker on your computer or phone? Why/why not? I use one on my laptop because the ones on YouTube can be extremely annoying. I didn’t know it was possible to put on ad blockers on phones (is it?).

15 - Do you still use a paper diary/planner to organise your appointments and schedules? No, but I’m thinking of getting a planner again for 2021. I used to get a Starbucks planner every year just because I wanted to get into their Christmas promo hype, but I never completed any of them. Now that I’m working and am busier all around, I see the bigger need for a planner. These days, I use a Google extension called Momentum to list down my to-do tasks. My parents also got me a corkboard for Christmas on which I stick notepads with things I have to do for the day.

16 - When was the last time you charged one of your electronic items? Do you have to charge that specific item often? I’m charging my laptop now. At this point it’s always plugged in because I want to keep the cycle count low, though I’m not sure if it’s the healthiest thing to do.

17 - Have you ever thrown or broken something in a temper? Yes, definitely. I’m not normally aggressive when angry, but sometimes it happens.

18 - What does your outfit look like today? Did you pick it out for a special reason? I have on a black sundress that I didn’t change out of. I wore it yesterday when I went to a coffee shop to spend some time on my own.

19 - Do you follow any vlogs or podcasts? What is it about them that interests you? I do follow certain channels who do vlogs, but I never tune into them since most of them have gotten a little uninteresting. I’m also subscribed to several podcasts like Andi’s and Renee Young’s, but I’m not always in a podcast mood; I subscribe because I want to support them.

20 - Aside from Tumblr, what websites do you spend the most time on? Do you go through phases of visiting certain websites? I visit Twitter and YouTube the most often. I will binge Reddit every now and then, and I will get into a Wikipedia black hole at least once a week.

21 - Do you have a good relationship with your siblings? If you don’t have siblings, what about your cousins or extended family? I do not maintain a relationship with my brother after he physically assaulted me last year. My sister and I are on good terms, but we’re not close in that I can cry to her or that we know each other’s secrets. We have a very good casual relationship, and we never argue.

22 - When was the last time you were up early enough to see the sunrise? I hate the sun so I don’t really do that lol.

23 - What movie series did you last watch from start to finish? Was it one you’d seen before? I only ever do this with Twilight. I have my annual Twilight Saga marathon where I watch all five films in one afternoon hahaha.

24 - Do you still enjoy watching children’s TV programmes? What was the last one you watched? Yeah, but only the ones I watched as a kid. My cousins and I watched the Wet Painters episode of Spongebob last Christmas Eve right after we finished Midsommar.

25 - Who was the last person to tag you in something on social media? How do you know that person? I have no idea. I’ve been going in and out of deactivation, so at this point I’m sure people no longer have any clue if I’m on a certain social media website or not.

26 - What was the last thing you took a photograph of? It was a screenshot of something I wanted to show Angela.

27 - Are you a fan of giving animals human names? Sure. I certainly find it funny when pets are given incredibly ordinary human names, like Bob or Mark.

28 - When was the last time you weighed yourself? Were you happy with what the scale said? Christmas Eve eve, when I saw a weighing scale in my cousin’s room. I mean it’s what I’ve weighed for the last 5 years or so, so I have no complaints.

29 - How often do you buy yourself new clothes? What was the last clothing item you bought for yourself? Used to be a few times every month, but I have not bought anything new since before the pandemic. The last items I got were still the tops with puffed sleeves that I bought in March.

30 - What is the reason behind your mood today? Is this something you could have done something about? I’m mostly at ease; a little anxious because work continues for a certain headache of a client even though we told them our office would be on shutdown; and a little melancholic for no reason. I’m trying to combat the latter by doing my embroidery and it’s kind of helping, but the sads are still lingering.

[therealapps]

Learning how to eat healthy with The Real Apps!

The past two days I have been googling my life away to come up with a diet of healthy foods that may work for me. Let’s not start off there though. Let’s start with what triggered my decision to attempt to change my lifestyle. I recently had an injury to my lower back. The doctors were blunt with me and laid out the two roads I could take to recovering from/managing this injury. Physical therapy and lifestyle change, or back surgery and God (or the universe) only knows what will happen from there. I decided to make the best choice I thought that was for me, and take this long, frustrating road of attempting to switch up my complete lifestyle. You see, I realized here recently what many of you probably already knew. (Hey, don’t hate that I figured it out late!) I am just the beginning of my long road to a healthier lifestyle and yet it has made me realize that I do in fact, believe in “generational curses”. Okay, yeah, so they may not be actual curses. Still, they are taught behaviors that we learn at young ages and carry with us throughout our lives. If we were taught that it’s absolutely fine to eat unhealthy foods as children, and we are allowed to have a poor diet, then we grow up to be adults who make excuses for our horrible diets and eating the junk! Add in the fact that as children we only went to the doctor when something was obviously wrong and even dental hygiene wasn’t taught to us as children. I didn’t get to a dentist until I was 27 years old. Talk about overcoming some serious lifestyle battles, y’all! So, I switched my diet. I went from drinking diet soda to no soda at all! I can’t give up my coffee completely, but I have cut back the amount of coffee I consume in a day and the only other thing I drink is water. I have google making cucumber and citrus water. Seems like a good way to get some extra antioxidants into your diet. I would love to get some feed back on other healthy drinks you guys may have in mind. Years ago, I went to the doctor due to another injury. This doctor, after learning my family medical history (diabetes and heart disease galore!), put me on a diet and it actually worked. All natural foods, no processed foods, low carbs, no dairy and avoid starchy foods. I was down 25 lbs. What happened? Me! A cheat meal, turned into a cheat day. That turned into a cheat week. That weak turned into a month, and so on. You know the story. Let’s fast-forward years later. here I am. 35 years old. My body definitely doesn’t process things the same way anymore. When I started this journey I was probably somewhere between 292-300 pounds. I went to the doctor a couple of weeks ago and weighted 292 pounds, but I had already been dieting for a couple of weeks. I just did my best to avoid scales and didn’t want to know. Now I am going up and down between 282-286-ish. I felt a little defeated because I know I can do this. I don’t want to do weight loss surgery, No offense to those who chose to have one. I just decided to try the natural route first. Still, I’m at a stand still. I was at my wits end. Here I am trying to make myself eat salads and fruits all the time and nothing is changing! If I have to eat one more salad, I might lose my mind! Then I start really thinking. What other foods can I eat besides salads that are healthy for me? Yes fruits are natural sugars, but what fruits should I avoid that are high in sugar? It was at this point I decided to hit google and find out what kind of foods are really on the healthy side or on the big bad no-no list. So, what did I learn? Lots. And I expected to. I have a list of foods to avoid, from starchy foods like potatoes to fruits high in sugar like pineapples and bananas. Fruits like berries, kiwi and apples are better choices. Legumes and Lentils! Why didn’t I think of that?! I love some good beans. Protein and “good carbs”? Did I read that right? I have learned so much just by putting in the work on my own. I have a rather big shopping list with things like turmeric, ginger, and herbs on it. Things I would have never thought to buy and naturally season my foods with, while cutting out those salty food seasonings. Cauliflower rice? Here I am thinking the food Gods hate me. There’s a whole world of healthy foods out there I never thought to explore, to be honest. I can’t wait to try some of my ideas out when it comes to making these “new to me” foods with these “new to me” flavors! Learning what I have put my energy into discovering for myself the past two nights, is giving me hope that I can really live a better lifestyle. I am finally discharged from physical therapy, as of this past Friday. I have learned stretches to do that help me manage my back pain. I avoid activities that would compromise my healing. I started exercising again for the first time today. Starting off slowly with twenty minutes of cardio on my exercise bike and some exercises working out various parts of the body. Hoping to gradually add more exercises into the mix when my body is stronger. If you happen read this blog and have any advice on some of these things, lets talk about it. I look forward to interacting with others and learning more ways to help myself achieve my goal of becoming a healthier me. Take care, Apps <3

[mizmahlia]

Get to know me uncomfortably well!

I was tagged by my sis @donaldpiercesbae . Thanks, my dear. I loved your answers!! 

1. What’s your middle name?

It rhymes with ‘bae’.

2. How old are you?

Older than a lot of folks around here, I reckon. (Mid-thirties.)

3. When is your birthday?

January the 26th

4. What’s your zodiac sign?

Aquarius. I’m stubborn, rebellious, and quirky.

5. What’s your favourite colour?

Clover green.

6. What’s your lucky number?

I don’t have one- I’ve never been superstitious in that capacity.

7. Do you have any pets?

I have a cat who’s a bit of an asshole named Oliver, who I love to pieces. And three days from now, I’ll be picking up a puppy. It’ll be almost six months to the day I suddenly lost my Milo.

8. Where are you from?

The United States of Dysfunction

9. How tall are you?

5’6” / 1.68 m

10. What shoe size are you?

I’m an 8.5 / 41-42

11. How many pairs of shoes do you own?

Uh… it’s more than two dozen, but less than three dozen, I think.

12. What was your last dream about?

I don’t remember my dreams, unfortunately.

13. What talents do you have?

Procrastination, I can talk to pretty much anyone, I can play video games longer than is healthy, and I can sorta write.

14. Are you psychic in any way?

Not in the slightest and I am totally okay with that.

15. Favourite song?

None of Your Business by Salt N Pepa, Alone Together by Fall Out Boy, Broken by Lifehouse, Creep by Clint Mansell/Eliot Sumner

16. Favourite movie?

I can’t think of just one at the moment; but if it’s got Batman (or his friends/family) in it, it’s safe to say it’s on my list.

17. Who would be your ideal partner?

Someone I’m comfortable sharing my nerdy hobbies with, who can communicate, and who isn’t content with life as-is. (That means he wants to explore, try new things, strives to be a better person than he was yesterday, etc) To be cheesy, I want a partner in crime.

18. Do you want children?

Yes, but being 35 and having been single for 5+ years, I’m scared I’m running out of time.

19. Do you want a church wedding?

As someone who’s been married (and sadly, is divorced), I’ll be the first to tell you the venue isn’t nearly as important as people like to make you think it is. If I do it again, I’ll probably not do so in a church.

20. Are you religious?

No, but I consider myself a Christian.

21. Have you ever been to the hospital?

I’ve been there as a visitor many times, but as a patient, thankfully I’ve only ever been to the emergency room.

22. Have you ever gotten in trouble with the law?

Nope! But I used to get rides home after cross country practices in the back of my friend’s mom’s police car.

23. Have you met any celebrities?

Yep! Karen Gillan, Richard Speight Jr, Sebastian Roche, Hugh Grant, Johan Santana (MLB pitcher), EJ Henderson (NFL player) 

24. Baths or showers?

I love me a hot bath, but it’s usually a shower.

25. What colour of socks are you wearing?

I’m barefoot whenever possible, like right now.

26. Have you ever been famous?

LOL nope

27. What type of music do you like?

Just about anything!

28. Have you ever been skinny dipping?

Only in my bathtub

30. How many pillows do you sleep with?

One. I have a neck problem, so I have a specific pillow I need to sleep with.

31. What position do you sleep in?

Curled up on my side.

32. How big is your house?

Three bedrooms, two floors, and an awesome living room.

33. What do you typically have for breakfast?

Coffee and a granola or protein bar.

34. Have you ever fired a gun?

Several, and I honestly don’t see how/why it’s fun,.

35. Have you ever tried archery?

Yes, but I’m certainly no Roy Harper.

36. Favourite clean word?

Shenanigans

37. Favourite swear word?

Fuck and all of its derivatives

38. What’s the longest you’ve gone without sleeping?

30 hours, I think? 0/10, do not recommend.

40. Have you ever had a secret admirer?

Nope, and I’m okay with that. I find it a little creepy.

41. Are you a good liar?

Better than I have a right to be, and it bothers me.

42. Are you a good judge of character?

I think so, but then again, based on past experiences, I’m utterly terrible.

43. Can you do any other accents than your own?

I can do the stereotypical Minnesota one, though a lot of us don’t talk that way. But I’m terrible at trying to imitate accents, so no.

44. Do you have a strong accent?

I’ve been told by quite a few people I don’t sound like I’m from Minnesota. Make of that what you will. :)

45. What’s your favourite accent?

Irish, by far. I love that accent so much.

46. What is your personality type?

I don’t have a favorite type, but I generally prefer those who aren’t judgmental, arrogant assholes.

47. What’s your most expensive piece of clothing?

My wedding dress. It’s ludicrous how much they cost, and you wear it once.

48. Can you curl your tongue?

I certainly can!

49. Are you an innie or an outie?

A pierced innie.

50. Left of right handed?

Right-handed

51. Are you scared of spiders?

Is water wet?

52. Favourite food?

Peanut butter

53. Favourite foreign food?

Authentic Italian, not like the crap they call Italian here.

54. Are you a clean or messy person?

I’m somewhere in between. I’m clean, but somewhat disorganized.

55. Most used phrase?

“What the hell?”

56. Most used word?

“Damnit.”

57. How long does it take you to get ready?

Depends on the occasion- for more important things or when I want to go through all my steps, about an hour and fifteen minutes because I have long, thick hair. For class every day, about 15 minutes.

58. Do you have much of an ego?

I seriously hope not, but I’m not the best judge of that.

59. Do you suck or bite lollipops?

Neither because I don’t like lollipops.

60. Do you talk to yourself?

All the freakin’ time.

61. Do you sing to yourself?

In my car every day!

62. Are you a good singer?

Nope, but since I’m the only one who hears it, that’s okay!

63. Biggest fear?

Losing my parents or being alone for the rest of my life.

64. Are you a gossip?

I try not to be because gossip never helps anything or anyone.

65. Best dramatic movie you’ve seen?

L.A. Confidential.

66. Do you like long or short hair?

I like short hair, but I love long hair.  

67. Can you name all 50 states in America?

I should hope so, since I live in the country.

68. Favourite school subject?

A tie between anatomy and microbiology.

69. Extrovert or introvert?

Introvert with some extroverted qualities.

70. Have you ever been scuba diving?

Nope!

71. What makes you nervous?

Dentist appointments, waiting around at the starting line of a race I’ve never run before, flying.

72. Are you scared of the dark?

If it’s somewhere unfamiliar, sort of. Otherwise, no.

73. Do you correct people when they make mistakes?

Depends on the mistake and the person.

74. Are you ticklish?

Everywhere and I absolutely hate it.

75. Have you ever started a rumour?

Not that I know of, no.

76. Have you ever been in a position of authority?

Several times and every time, I’ve hated it. I’m more comfortable as a worker bee, not the queen of the hive.

77. Have you ever drank underage?

LOL yes. My hometown had little to do other than that.

78. Have you ever done drugs?

Nothing that wasn’t prescribed. I’ve never been curious enough to try any.

79. Who was your first real crush?

A boy named Davey (his name is David) when I was a kid. He’s a year younger than me and loved Batman, riding bikes, and wanted to be a Navy fighter pilot. He had these gorgeous blue eyes and almost black hair.

80. How many piercings do you have?

Three, but that will likely increase at some time.

81. Can you roll your R’s?

I should hope so; I studied Spanish for almost a decade.

82. How fast can you type?

According to a typing test I just took: 83 words/minute.

83. How fast can you run?

LOL not fast. Right now, I’d be lucky to break 9:30/mile.

84. What colour is your hair?

Medium brown with some grown-out balayage.

85. What colour are your eyes?

Like about 2% of the population, they’re green.

86. What are you allergic to?

Stupidity.

I recently developed an allergy to something, but I’m still trying to figure out what. I blame a trip to the state of Kansas.

87. Do you keep a journal?

I don’t, but I should. It really helped me work things out when I didn’t want to talk to someone.

88. What do your parents do?

They both still work, though I wish they would/could retire.

89. Do you like your age?

For the most part, yeah. I hated myself in my 20’s, but my 30’s have been so much better.

90. What makes you angry?

Intolerance, rude behavior, the Green Bay Packers, and the New York Yankees.

91. Do you like your own name?

Of course! It’s not a super common name.

92. Have you already thought about baby names? And if so, what are they?

I admit I have, but I’m not gonna share them.

93. Do you want a boy or girl for a child?

I’d like a healthy kid, plain and simple. Gender doesn’t matter.

94. What are your strengths?

I’m stubborn, persistent, and empathetic.

95. What are your weaknesses?

I’m stubborn, persistent, and empathetic.

96. How did you get your name?

A family friend’s first name is Molly and I got my aunt’s middle name.

97. Were your ancestors royalty?

Not that I know of or care.

98. Do you have any scars?

Physical or emotional?

99. Colour of your bedspread?

100. Colour of your room?

Plain ‘ol white.

I tag @rolodexthoughts . :)

[kkennap]

Disrupt: Taeyong AU

Word Count: 1600

Description: Taeyong hated to break from his usual boring routine but then he met her and his life may never know routine ever again. 

Chaos. That was the best way that Taeyong could think to describe the woman standing in front of him. But something about the way her hair felt slightly out of the bun on top of her head and the obvious lack of effort she put into her outfit intrigued him.  Taeyong didn’t have the time to fantasize over women, especially one’s who had coffee stains on their gym sweatshirt.  

Every morning was exactly the same for Lee Taeyong.  He woke up at exactly 5:25 AM, put on his gym clothes and worked out at the gym at his apartment complex for an hour.  He’d finish up, take a 10 minute shower, brushed his teeth for 2 minutes AND flossed (his dentist loved him), put on his clothes that he had meticulously laid out the night before, styled his hair, grabbed a protein bar and coffee (pre-made of course, who had the time to stand in line at Starbucks?) and headed to take the bus to work.  Taeyong didn’t think his life was boring, he thrived off routine, but his roommate Mark argued differently. Mark was constantly trying to take Taeyong out after work or on the weekends and sure Taeyong would tag along for the occasional and even went on the god awful dates Mark set up for him but Taeyong simply didn’t like to step out of his comfort zone, who does?

Taeyong didn’t like to see himself as OCD, he just really enjoyed routine and HATED change more than anything else.  Taeyong also hated Mark’s lack of tidiness and the amount of girls and friends he had over constantly but Mark was a good friend so he never said anything about it.  

Back to the chaotic girl. Now Taeyong didn’t have the time, of course, to even think twice about this girl.  But as fate would have it the world wanted him to think about her, no not just think, RUN INTO her.  Taeyong spilled his morning coffee on her already stained sweatshirt and the bag of groceries she was carrying spilled onto the sidewalk between the two of them.

“Oh my gosh I’m so sorry!” She smiled up at Taeyong and started picking up her groceries.

Taeyong muttered a simple “it’s okay.” and helped her with her groceries, then he remembered his morning coffee was now being worn by this woman.

“I’m so sorry about the coffee. Do you want some money for dry-cleaning or something?”

“Don’t worry about it, I should probably throw this old thing out anyways! Have a nice day, sir!”  The girl quickly picked up her bag and ran off in the opposite direction.  Taeyong was a mix of intrigue and bugged, he was going to be late for work, a first for him. He quickly shook his head and headed in the direction for work.

All day Taeyong could not get his mind off of her.  His co-workers kept asking if he was okay and he kindly nodded and just said he was tired.  He couldn’t decide what it was about her that he was so intrigued by, it obviously wasn’t the fact that she was so completely his opposite, or the fact that she had called him SIR (that made him shudder, maybe Mark was right he should start dressing younger) but he decide it was her carefree aura and her smile... he swore it was brighter than Orion on a winter night.  

Taeyong continued on with his week just the same, but still kept thinking about the girl, he wished he had at least caught her name.  He also thought he was being ridiculous and a bit naive, he would most likely never see her again and he definitely didn’t need another distraction in his life (Mark had a new girlfriend that was a bit loud for Taeyong’s taste but still very nice and she obviously made Mark happy).  The universe is a telling creature because when Taeyong got to work that morning he reached into his bag and felt something that obviously was not his.  It was a worn out notebook, leather-bound with notes and papers sticking out of every which end.  Taeyong was obviously intrigued and removed the elastic strap and started reading.  It was filled with poems, lyrics, and cute drawings.  But Taeyong stopped reading as soon as he realized what he was doing, this wasn’t his notebook and he definitely didn’t have permission to go rifling through random notebooks that weren’t his.  But... Taeyong wondered is her number or name in it? He carefully opened the notebook back up and saw it there on the front page.. her name followed by a phone number.  Should he?

“Helllo?” Taeyong smiled. So it was her number!

“Um, hi. I think I um... accidentally ran into you the other day and picked up your notebook by accident.”

“OH MY GOD! I have been looking for that everywhere! Wait, did you read it?”

Taeyong paused.

“OH MY GOD YOU TOTALLY READ IT!”

“No no I was just um-I uh- well.”

“Oh my gosh I was totally teasing you. Thanks for calling! Do you think you could bring it over to my place? I’m kind of in the middle of a huge project right now and I’d hate to interrupt my work flow by going out.”

“Uh yeah sure!”

“Perfect! I’ll text you my address.. What’s your name by the way? Boy who ran into me and stole my notebook is kind of long for a contact name.”

Taeyong laughed and gave her his name and promised to stop by as soon as he clocked out.  

The rest of the day seemed to go by so slowly for Taeyong.  He was so nervous to meet her for some reason and he was even more upset that he had taken to Mark’s advice and dressed younger, he looked ridiculous. 

As soon as five hit Taeyong practically sprinted out of the office to get on the bus.  He followed the map on his phone and buzzed her when he got to the building.  

“Hi it’s Taeyong!”

“Perfect I’ll let you up.”

Taeyong took the stairs as slowly as he could manage, he definitely didn’t want to seem as eager as he was feeling. He got to her door, took a deep breath and knocked.  

“Hi!” There she was, almost in the same state as when he had first met her, stained sweatshirt and all. 

“Oh yeah I know I said I’d get rid of this but it’s too comfortable to throw away. Come in I just put tea on.” 

Taeyong followed her in and immediately went into sensory overload.  Easels were scattered  throughout, some fully finished some blank and some with just a stroke or two on them.  Paper also littered the floor and he noticed a few items of clothing laying in random places around the room.  

“You should be glad I just cleaned. It was a mess before!” She looked at Taeyong and winked.

Taeyong quietly chuckled and followed her to the couch, but not before moving a shirt and a few notebooks. 

“So why is this notebook so important to you?” 

She smiled at looked at Taeyong.  “Well if you haven’t noticed I’m an artist or well I try to be anyways.  That notebook was my very first one I got and it’s filled with my best ideas. Wouldn’t want to lose that!” 

Taeyong reached into his bag and handed her the notebook.

“Do you want to see some of my art?”

Taeyong nodded his head and followed her around the art-filled room.  They walked around and she explained some pieces to him when one in particular stood out to him.  It was neater and more refined than the others, but sadder in a sense.  On the canvas was a deep blue and black ocean and the sky was dark and stormy but in the middle of the ocean was a hand reaching out for help and in the background was the faintest sight of a light-someone coming to help the person below the waves. 

“I just finished that one. It’s a bit depressing-yeah?  I wanted to try out something different, someone recently told me to paint more of what’s truly inside of me instead of focusing on what I want others to see.” 

Taeyong felt a certain pull to the painting and turned to her. 

“I really love it.  It’s depressing but also-hopeful? I don’t know how to describe it.” 

“I’m glad you like it. My buyer thought it was too depressing for my usual clientele so I guess it’ll live here for now.” She sighed and went to pour them some tea.

They sipped quietly on their tea and Taeyong was trying to find the courage to ask her on a date.  

“Hey Taeyong can I tell you something?”

Taeyong nodded.

“I’m sure you aren’t usually into people like me, I mean I’m a bit of a mess but I just wanted to let you know that I haven’t stopped thinking about you since I met you.” She blushed and set down her tea cup.

“I felt exactly the same way, it’s crazy.  It’s like the universe wanted me to run into you.”

She smiled and reached for his hand.  “I’d love to go out with you sometime, if that’s alright with you?”

Taeyong smiled and boldly moved across the table to plant a kiss on her very kissable lips. When he pulled away he noticed some paint from her shirt had gotten onto his. Maybe a little disruption to his dreary routine would be the much needed change he needed.  

[wildwestcoaster]

You get to do all of the odds now haha

Haha I guess I had that coming!

1. Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora?

Spotify!

3. What color are your eyes?

Blue, but they change to green or gray depending on my mood, the weather, or what I’m wearing.

5. What is your relationship status?

Single. Ho hum.

7. What color hair do you have?

I’m getting used to saying brown because it used to be blonde but anesthesia is a bitch and ruined my hair. 

9. Where do you shop?

Target, Sports Basement, Amazon…lots of online shopping.

11. Favorite social media account.

@_the_undressed_chef_ on instagram. He is HILARIOUS.

13. Any siblings?

A half brother, but I have never met him. 

15. Favorite snapchat filter?

I don’t use snapchat. I only have it for bitmoji.

17. How many times a week do you shower?

At least seven. It depends on the week’s activities.

19. Shoe size?

I’ve been wearing a 12 since 4th grade. Tall trees need good roots.

21. Sandals or sneakers?

Both. Again, depends on the activities. I practically live in running shoes, though.

23. Describe your dream date.

Honestly, the activity/activities don’t matter to me as long as both people are comfortable and enjoying each other’s company. That’s what matters.

25. What color socks are you wearing?

I am currently sockless. 

27. Do you have a job? What do you do?

I do! I teach middle school special ed.

29. What’s the worst thing you have ever done?

Well, I try to not do bad things. I’m sitting here racking my brain and I guess I’d say recently ghosting someone I had been on two dates with and just wasn’t vibing with is pretty bad. I still carry some guilt because of it.

31. 3 favorite boy names.

Patrick, Declan, and Thomas.

33. Favorite actor?

Hm….the first person the first person to come to mind was Jack Black. Though now I’m thinking of Dennis Quaid and Tom Selleck.

35. Who is your celebrity crush?

Chris Evans. Am I right, @madoddthings?!

37. Do you read a lot? What is your favorite book?

I love to read. It is one of my favorite things to do. That being said, I haven’t been able to concentrate on a book since school started. I read The Boys of Winter every year once the NHL season is over. Other than that, the McKettrick Cowboys series by Linda Lael Miller is my favorite. Oh, and Harry Potter. Beartown by Fredrik Backman is my most recent favorite, though. I could talk about books all day lol.

39. Do you have a nickname? What is it?

I have a few. They don’t get used much anymore, though. My uncle calls me Lambchop, my mom calls me Sarrie or Sarah Beth, some friends call me SareBear. I got the good ol’ Jolly Green, Sasquatch, and Amazon Woman growing up. They still make me chuckle.

41. Top 10 favorite songs.

How am I supposed to choose? I’ll have to come back to this because it’s a pretty impossible list to make. One of my current favorite songs, however, is The Piano Guys’ version of Fight Song/Amazing Grace. It gives me goosebumps every time I hear it. 

43. What is your skin type?

Eh, I have pretty average combination skin. Oily T-zone. Everything else is pretty normal.

45. How many kids do you want?

If I have kids, I don’t think I would want more than two.

47. What type of house do you live in?

An average house? Three bedrooms, two baths, etc, etc.

49. What was the last compliment you received?

My district’s sped director dropped by my classroom and observed for a few minutes. My principal then told me that the sped director loves me and to keep doing what I’m doing; that I’m doing better than I think I am. 

51. How old were you when you found out that Santa wasn’t real?

I honestly don’t remember finding out. I think it was a gradual thing? But really, I have no idea.

53. Opinion on smoking?

Tobacco? Unless it’s an occasional cigar, absolutely not.

55. What is your dream job?

Special ed teacher. Go figure.

57. Do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels?

Depends on the quality of the product!

59. Do you smile for pictures?

Always.

61. Have you ever peed in the woods?

Yes, but I am not good at it, if you catch my drift!

63. Do you prefer chicken nuggets from McDonald’s or Wendy’s?

McDonald’s with sweet and sour sauce!

65. What do you wear to bed?

A t-shirt and a pair of chones. Sometimes I’ll lose the shirt, though. Apparently, I move a lot in my sleep and I don’t like the tangled/constricted feeling. 

67. What are your hobbies?

Not that I have time to really do many of them right now, but reading, hiking, taking drives, traveling, exploring, cooking, baking, knitting, drawing/coloring…

69. Do you play an instrument?

I used to play piano and clarinet. I would like to get back into piano.

71. Tea or coffee?

It depends on the mood or time of day. I’ll go for fully leaded coffee until around noon, unless I need to be up later than normal. After that, I’ll have decaf or tea. 

73. Do you want to get married?

I would definitely like to, yes.

75. Are you going to change your last name when you get married?

Unless his last name is more difficult to pronounce/spell than mine, then yes I am. Come at me, feminists. My last name is my father’s and I have no reason to keep it. I should have changed it when I turned 18, but didn’t because the paperwork was overwhelming.

77. Do you miss anyone right now?

I do.

79. Do you believe in ghosts?

I’m not sure. I think so?

81. Last person you called?

The receptionist at my dentist’s office lol.

83. Regular Oreos or golden Oreos?

Regular!! I’m not a heathen.

85. What shirt are you wearing?

The race shirt from the 2016 Big Sur 5k.

87. Are you outgoing or shy?

A little bit of both. Depends on the situation and the people. Although I am much less shy than when I was younger.

89. Do you like your neighbors?

Most of them. My neighborhood has gone down the crapper the last few years, so there’s a small crew of us who keep a lookout for each other. Good neighbors are really hard to come by.

91. Have you ever been high?

Hahahahaha yes. 

93. Last thing you ate?

Chickpea rotini with homemade spaghetti sauce with brussels sprouts on the side.

95. Summer or winter?

Winter for sure!

97. Dark, milk, or white chocolate?

Dark or white on occasion, but milk is my first choice.

99. What is your zodiac sign?

Taurus!

[funface2]

Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews

He’s a mainstay of long-running panel show Have I Got News For You, and now funny-man Paul Merton is on a mission to unearth long-lost ancestors as part of BBC One’s Who Do You Think You Are?

To celebrate the quick-quipper’s nearly 40-year career, we’ve compiled almost as many of his best jokes and one-liners from his work on HIGNFY and beyond.

“I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”

Angus Deayton: “And did you chat with the Queen Mother?” Paul Merton: “We talked about you.” Angus Deayton: “No, you didn’t.” Paul Merton: “Yes, we did.” Angus Deayton: “What did she say about me?” Paul Merton: “I’ve never heard such language in all my life.”

“I’ll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I’ve never got over it.”

“If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there’s no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don’t tell me you haven’t done it.”

“I don’t consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.”

Ian Hislop: “And they’re behind Theresa May like Stormtroopers!” Paul Merton: “You’re having one of your turns again, Ian! You asked us to tell you when it happens! His nose bleeds when he has to deal with Popular Culture…”

“I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other’s post.”

(Photo: BBC)

“Every story ever written’s in the Dictionary! You just have to put the words in the right order.”

“Gromit is one of the great silent comedians. He’s up there with Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. He may even be above them, because he’s still working.”

Sean Lock: “Only 2% of people go to church in this country.” Paul Merton: “And they’re priests!”

Jacob Rees-Mogg: “We know the plan! We are going to leave the EU! Brexit means Brexit!” Paul Merton: “That’s the Aim! What’s the plan?”

“My school days were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I’ve endured over the past 25 years.”

“All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds – I can’t stand Noel Edmonds.”

“Bono was up on stage saying ‘Every time I click my fingers, a child dies!’ and someone yelled ‘Well, stop clicking your fingers, then!’”

“The first Underground station ever opened was Baker Street in 1906. What was the point of that? Where would you go?”

[On Chris Evans] “He’s got the look of a comedian but without the talent or the writing ability or the timing.”

(Photo: Getty)

“On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn’t, he said: ‘Do you mind if I mug you here?’”

Clive Anderson: “Do you still live in Islington as well, Boris?” Boris Johnson: “Partly, yes.” Paul Merton: “I don’t think you live on the planet Earth, never mind Islington!”

“It’s amazing how many people think they’ve got dignity to lose, isn’t it?”

[On the Queen at Harry and Meghan’s reception] “She’ll have a footman chucking cheesy Wotsits at her.”

“Am I the only one who’s always tempted to light the wick on top of a beret?”

“My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time also. It fell on her.”

“Anne Widdecombe is the Odd One Out because she’s the only one holding a Decapitated Barn Owl.”

“There are various ways to give up smoking – nicotine patches, nicotine gum. My auntie used to pour a gallon of petrol over herself every morning.”

Frankie Boyle: “A new Superbreed of Sex-Mad, Sleepless Slugs has arrived from Spain.” Paul Merton: “Ah, an Alliterative Threat!”

(Photo: BBC)

“My hair’s got a life of its own. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette…”

[On reading the A to Z] “Can’t wait to see what happens at the end. The characters aren’t up to much but the places, they seem so real.”

“I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You’d always get some bloke complaining that he couldn’t see the screen. It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’”

“Mugabe is a Yorkshireman in reverse. Because his name is Ee by gum backwards. 37 years waiting for that laugh…”

“You’ve heard of Sheep gambolling in the meadows, well it was Poker they were playing!”

Paul Merton: “He doesn’t look old enough to have been a Milkman for 50 years!” Host: “They start them very young there. As soon as you can reach the udder, you’re away.” Paul Merton: “That’s not just Milkmen. For many people, that’s a good night out!”

“It’s silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the south for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit.”

Paul Merton: “There are other reasons for squinting in bed, of course.” Angus Deayton: “Such as?” Paul Merton: “Use your imagination, Angus! We’d send out a search party for it, but they’d never come back!”

“Michael Gove! That is how a man dresses when his wife doesn’t see him leaving the house.”

(Photo: BBC)

Host: “But who would have loved to have been there? Justin O’ Schmidt!” Paul Merton: “Did the vicar drop him at the Baptism?”

“I’ve never been disappointed by politicians. I’ve never invested that much in them in the first place.”

More jokes:

38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedian’s funniest jokes and quotes 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners 30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes 30 of the best jokes about Theresa May 25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 26 of Seann Walsh’s greatest jokes 16 of Barry Chuckle’s greatest jokes 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of Eddie Izzard’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes 21 of Rhod Gilbert’s funniest jokes and one-liners 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians 30 of Jack Whitehall’s funniest jokes 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds 105 of the best bad jokes 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

And some hilarious quotes:

29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge Valentine’s poems: 32 most romantic quotes from history’s greatest poets 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 23 of Outnumbered’s funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes

Let’s block ads! (Why?)

Source link

Bài viết Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/paul-mertons-36-best-jokes-and-funniest-one-liners-from-have-i-got-news-for-you-inews/

[obfuscobble]

SO I got my hands on the Japan Animator Expo 2015 collection and I thought it a good time to rate each short because I have some very concise opinions.

1. Dragon Dentist 4/5 Girl volunteers to be a dragon's dentist in the midst of a war. Inventive, compelling, beautiful.  Works incredibly well as a short, managing to tell a story far longer than its timeframe without leaving us wondering what happened or what will happen.  A very strong start to the collection.

2. Hill Climb Girl 3/5 Girl wants to be a great bicyclist, and the first step is beating her friend up the hill to school. Pretty good for cel-shaded computer modelling.  If you like Yowamushi Pedal, you'll like this.  Not stand-out but it's an endearing.

3. ME!ME!ME! 4/5 Boy gets dunked on by his own objectification of women. A truly stand out music video not just for this collection but within the genre.  That said, you do have to rewatch it closely to glean its themes and true place as a condemnation of misogyny as seen through the self empowerment male fantasies used by the boy to combat his own misogynistic fear of female desire and deep shame over his otaku life.  And there is quite a lot of female objectification in his life.

4. Carnage 3/5 Gunslinging girl seeks revenge for her family and her arm. Great attention paid to the one armed gunslinging.  The conclusion openly and somberly lays out what will happen next as this old town must pay for its sins, even if it perpetuates the cycle of girls losing those they love.

5. Gundam key animation 1/5 Literally the key animation drawings from Gundam shown side to side with the classic footage. Pretty cool for animation nerds and gundam fans but otherwise not really compelling as a storytelling vehicle.  I have to take off points on that account, but it is really worth a watch to see the keys.

6. 20 min from Nishi Ogikubo Station 0/5 not actually 20 min long. Just kidding! 4/5 woman turns into a cockroach, much to man's dismay. The sketchy art style, soft colouring, and jittery movement add perfectly to the piece's theme, making them obviously intentional choices.  The piece is still fluidly put together, with inventive plays on human/cockroach interaction and the how's of being so small.  The woman as cockroach is envisioned naked, but I feel that this is presented in a naturalistic (ie she just shrunk out of her clothes) and not at all prurient way.  Didn't think I was going to like it as much as I did!

7. until You come to me 1/5 Oh Shinji boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling. Shinji silently misses Kaworu or five minutes. I mean I don't blame him but... Nothing happens, and if one has no inkling about Evangelion, this short has absolutely NO meaning.

8. Tomorrow from There 3/5 Woman avoids responsibilities, calls from her mom, and the creeping sense of adult dread, until she reconnects with her inner sense of joy. A wonderful counterpoint to ME!ME!ME! that focuses on universal human fears and dilemmas, without objectifying women.  Uplifting with a powerul backing song.  But I have to be honest and say that its visuals aren't going to stick with me as powerfully.

9. Electronic Superhuman Gridman 3/5 You are a human with the capacity for joy and wonder, so you will appreciate this heartfelt ode to super sentai live action and robot anime. Comes complete with character design details to reflect the rubber suits and even the tiny screw to hold on the back of a model's head.  Has nice internal logic about the Gridman.exe who fights monsters with the power of the electrical grid, such as circuit power ups and smashing a tv screen to get at the enemy.  Even for those unfamiliar with the tropes, it's just a fun 6 minutes.

10. Yamadeloid 3/5 An ode to historical fighter anime with neat brush-line visuals and fitting soundtrack. But it just didn't grab me by my heart's cockles like Gridman did, probably coming entirely down to what shows I grew up on.  It was also a lot more fourth wall breaking, which is entirely subjective for one's enjoyment, even from one short to another as you'll see.  So I'd like to give it a 2, but I know that nostalgia was the only thing inflating Gridman to a 3, so I'll be fair.

11. Power Plant No 33 2/5 What if we just... turned off our millenial facebook phones... and really lived.... yanno? The instantly gripping visuals of a society powered by a beast that creates electricity, which must then go on to fight a space robot, are immediately undermined by the totes not subtle digs against modern technology.  I get it, technology is literally a destructive beast.  I get it, we should unplug and learn to live freely.  The animation was great but the moral was giving me the feeling that I should get off a luddite's lawn.

12. Evangelion Another Impact Confidential 2/5 Tall woman looks for her daughter, finds hostile wasteland. But what a woman!

13. Kanón 3/5 A Japanese take on a Slavic philosophic parody of Jewish folk mythology, or, "On Solipsism." Actually fascinating as a piece.  It moves very very quickly though, leaving little time for the jokes and philosophy to set in, but I feel the frantic pace was meant to reinforce the confused, overworked, utterly helpless feelings that the main character was experiencing.  The fourth wall break right at the end completely charmed me and even elevated the piece.  Loses points for the inherent misogyny of the novel it was based on, but otherwise worth a watch for the curious, and one of the most interesting Japanese takes on Judaeo-Christian tradition I've seen.

14. Sex & Violence with Machspeed 0/5 Just because you admit that you're being gross for gross' sake doesn't mean you're not gross. Look I could get into it, but I just hated this one.  If you liked Panty and Stocking, maybe give it a try.

15. Obake-chan 3/5 A series of charming shorts about a girl who wants to be a spoopy ghost.

16. Tokio of the Moon's Shadow 4/5 Boy who has, I goddamn assure you, THE. SHINIEST. eyes in the universe saves earth and his radio penpal from a space creature. Come for the innovative mix of animation styles, stay for the dance sequence.  Just watch it.

17. Three Fallen Witnesses 2/5 Ambition: the Anime. Like seriously, this is the 3d animation equivalent of the Ambition games.  It's also a very ambitious premise, based on prosecuting attorneys using "DNA time travel" to gain evidence on a murder case.  Alas, I really feel it should have had longer to play in its world and the case itself.

18. The Diary of Ochibi 3/5 Edible stop motion is here!

19. I Can Friday by Day! 5/5 Tiny space squirrels fight tiny space rabbits, each piloting robot teenagers. Highly creative, wondrously fun, and yet with a good plot and even characterisation to hold it together past the visuals.  I'd love to see this as a short series, as I feel the premise, world, and character sketches could easily be filled out into a humourous and yet compelling larger narrative.

20a. ME!ME!ME! Chronic 1/5 Basically a remix.  Lacking the narrative of the original hurts it because then its just boobs and yonic symbolism and the guns that shoot them.  Still good music.

20b. The Making of Evangelion Another Impact Confidential 1/5 Interesting if you want to see how the short was designed and technically compiled.

21. Iconic Field 2/5 Never try to fit 13 episodes into 6 minutes. This is obviously angling to become a longer syndicated series but not only did they rush too many of their ideas and subplots into it, but they obviously ran out of money and production time.  Some shots are replaced with concept sketches, and there was no voice acting when clearly it was intended to be present.  It's creative in its character and mecha design, but the plot is another riff on the seeded earth hypothesis whose unanimated conclusion you can still see a mile away.

22. On a Gloomy Night Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! Nippon Banzai! 1/5 Never try to fit 13 episodes into 6 minutes using Auld Lang Syne as your backing track.

23. Memoirs of Amorous Gentlemen 1/5 Honestly not sure how to classify this one.  It's about a sex worker, it's presented with a quite effective animation style, but in the end it's all about the sex worker accepting abuse from another as her tragic role in the world. Ehn.

24. Rapid Rouge 4/5 In the world of the techno-daimyo, there is only loss. BRILLIANT use of a limited colour palette.  Loses one point due to not fully delivering on the emotional character-sacrifice punch it wanted and for being unartfully open ended.  If it delivers on a second episode like it promises, I might amend my opinion.  It was so close to being perfect, yet didn't manage to get me to care enough about its characters in its short run time, unlike...

25. Hammerhead 5/5 Highly violent, yes, but emotionally impactful to the extreme; I cried both times I've watched it. Update: three times. Wonderful traditional animation, powerful emotional centre, and perhaps the best animation I've ever seen to portray a human's physical demeanour in deep emotional distress.  I absolutely recommend watching this.

26. Conte Hitman 3/5 Manzai routine with clever twists and turns.  Porque no los dos, the sketch.

[awanderingcanadian]

So Bad

Yes, I know...I thought I had finished posting about our epic ski trip back in March, but no...I found the 2nd post in my drafts, and frankly I never did the 3rd one. We all have our excuses, right? I just don’t know what mine is.

After a great 4 weeks away at our place in Mexico, this week has been a tough one. My uncle passed away a week ago today, and I wrote a whole piece about him. It was pretty raw, so you won’t be seeing it here. Suffice to say that I will miss him dreadfully. The fact that my other 3 aunts and uncles who have passed away all did so when I was 9, 17, and 25 years old, have made me realize that I have spent absolutely zero of the 35+ years since then preparing for another loss, but can you ever truly be prepared? This is our last photo together, taken on January 3, 2020.

The day he passed away I spent 2+ hours in the dentist’s chair have work done for a crown. The next day I flew to Penticton, (in B.C.’s Okanagan Valley), to present at a provincial conference. Five minutes into my presentation my 5th migraine ever decided to show up. I’ve battled it for 6 days now, even having a Saturday night visit to the ER, and boy am I tired.

Our location in Penticton was lovely, except for that major rain, thunder, and lightening storm that blew through on Friday morning. The flight home wasn’t so lovely, with over an hour in delays making it a panic to make my connecting floatplane. Fortunately, the folks at Harbour Air were fabulous as always, not giving away my seat when I called from the airport to say I was indeed in a taxi and 7 minutes away from the last flight home for the day!

Tomorrow I start my last month of work. Yes, I’m retiring as of June 30th...well mainly retiring. I will still do the odd contract for some folks with whom I have great respect and a wonderful relationship, but overall, the time has come to relax, travel, and be free! Now if only the stock market would cooperate, I would be home free!

Until next time!

[mhdiaries]

Diary of Batsy Claro

I have a hang-up about monsters reading my diary.

May 25th

Honestly, some monsters should just stay in the city. “It’s too hot.” “The bugs are biting me.” “When do we stop for lunch?” “My bed has a snake in it!” “There’s a giant spider in my tent!” Hey! It’s a jungle for screaming out loud! What do they expect? Then, about the time I seriously start to consider just leaving them to find their own way home, I take a deep breath and I escort them to a crystal clear, refreshingly cold waterfall to make them forget the heat. I spray them with monster-strength insect repellant (a concoction I created myself from all natural ingredients) to keep off the bugs. I find a shady spot on the trail and feed them the most scary sweet tropical fruit they’ve ever tasted. I remind the boa constrictor that the beds are for tourists and I tell the spider that while she is indeed beautiful, perhaps using the inside wall of a tent is not the best place to show if off (especially if that tent contains a ghoul who is arachnophobic). I was complaining to my father today about a particularly whiny group, and he reminded me again that the tourists we guide are guests in our “home,” and that if we make them feel welcome then they will want to return, and they will tell their friends about the wonderful time they had as well. I guess he’s right, but I really am tempted to answer the next tourist who asks me, “Is it always hot here?” with, “Only when it doesn’t snow.”

June 1st

Last year I guided a group of teachers from Monster High. They were scary cool and excited about everything, although the school counselor, Mr. D’eath, seemed to spend a lot of time jumping at his own shadow. It was a five day trip so I got to spend a lot of time with all of them. I really liked Headless Headmistress Bloodgood who knew a lot about the jungle, but also asked lots of good questions about things she didn’t know. She also told me about their monster exchange program and encouraged me to sign up for it. I wasn’t too sure about it, but she said it would be a great way to meet other ghouls and mansters and get them excited about coming to Costa Shrieka and seeing my beautiful country for themselves. So I sent in an application for the program, never thinking that I would ever be chosen. I actually forgot about it until today when my guidance counselor called me into her office to tell me that I’d been accepted. She was as excited as I was surprised. “This is a great opportunity for you, and I definitely think you should take it,” she said. I’m still not sure, but I have a couple of weeks to give them my answer so I want to think about it some more before I make a decision. I hope the fact that I’m dating somebody isn’t clouding that decision, but I really like him, and even though I’m not easily confused, this has me completely turned around without any sense of direction.

June 12th

The only tour I had scheduled today was for a group of retired monsters who were all part of an orchid club. Every year they choose some place in the monster world that is known for its orchids, and they all get together and go there. It was only a half day trip so I figured I would hustle them in and out and have the rest of the day to myself. Didn’t quite turn out that way because I may have been the guide, but they were the experts; in particular was a tall old gentle monster of a werewolf with bright blue eyes and almost completely white fur. Usually I spend the majority of my time answering questions, but today I definitely did more of the asking. They were all so enthusiastic and respectful of everything they saw and came into contact with that I was sorry when the tour was over. I actually offered to take them to a place I rarely ever show the tourists. Yes, I understand that it’s selfish of me, but I’d rather keep it to myself than waste it on random groups of monsters who might not appreciate it. Not all of them took me up on the offer because they had other things scheduled for the day, but a small group did. So I led them to a secluded spot where a small waterfall spills out of a cave in the side of a cliff and collects in a beautiful, clear green pool down below. The pool is surrounded by flowers and orchids of every shape and size. It’s the most beautiful spot in the jungle, and they gasped when they first saw it. Of course, when Mom flew out of the cave with a picnic lunch for us all, I had to tell them it was my front yard. While we ate they asked me all sorts of questions about my unlife and what I wanted to do with it. I told them about my chance to be an exchange student at Monster High, and how I was having trouble making up my mind about what I wanted to do. They mostly all agreed that living in a place this beautiful would make it hard to ever want to leave, but none of them wanted to tell me what I should do one way or the other. That is, except for the elderly werewolf, who told me that if I didn’t go I would always wonder, but if I went away and came back then I would always know. He also told me that he happened to have several great-grandchildren who have graduated from Monster High, and a few more who were still there. After lunch they thanked Mom for the excellent food, and me for sharing the beauty of our home. The werewolf didn’t say anything else about what I should do, but he did give me his card. It had a family crest and a phone number on it. “If you do decide to go, just call that number and I’ll make sure our pack will take care of you as well as you have taken care of us.” I was still thinking about what he said several hours later when I sent Headmistress Bloodgood a note telling her I would come.

June 15th

I realize that I don’t exactly seem like a soft and cuddly kind of ghoul, at least on the outside. Maybe it’s because the jungle, even in all its beauty, can be a rather harsh place; and I was taught from the time I was just a little ghoul that I needed to pay attention to everything around me, and to never forget that just because conditions are perfect one minute, there is no guarantee that they will remain that way the next. So I have to be firm – or harsh depending on whom you ask – when it comes to dealing with certain situations in the jungle. More than once I’ve had to yell first and apologize later when someone in a tour group needed to pay attention to his surroundings and wasn’t. so, how did I manage to mangle breaking up with my manster friend so badly? I knew exactly what I needed to say: “I’m going to Monster High and I don’t think a long distance relationship would be good for either of us, so it would be best if we just broke up face-to-face rather than dragging it out long distance.” Direct and right to the point I thought, and so I met him at his locker today ready to say what needed to be said, only when I opened my mouth nothing came out. Not a growl, not a chirp, not even a squeak. It was like my heart reached up, grabbed my tongue, and tied a knot in it. I must have sounded like a ghoul trying to quote Spooksphere after having her mouth numbed by the dentist in preparation for an all-day session of cavity filling. I think I may have even drooled at one point. What a mess. Eventually, I was able to semi-coherently tell him, but by that time it was clear that it wasn’t what either of us wanted. So we decided to try to give the long-distance thing a chance. Hopefully before I leave I can do something way less stressful, like pull a jaguar from a tourist’s tent.

June 18th

I left the cave early and flew to a pinnacle of rock that rises about the thick canopy of trees that surrounds us. I sat on a ledge and listened as the music of the night faded. It’s the time when the creatures of the night are closing their eyes in sleep and the day walkers have yet to open theirs and wake. I love this time of day, it is the only time the jungle is ever quiet. Just a brief moment before the sun rises and a new day begins. I wonder if there is ever a time in the city when there is this kind of quiet? Well, I suppose that I should get used to learning what it means to be a tourist. Hopefully, I’ll listen to my guides at Monster High better than the tourists listen to me… lol.

June 20th

Monster High! Some creature from that… place… has taken a ghost orchid! Like it was some common dandeadlion. There are only a handful of ghost orchids left anywhere in the monster world and the idea that some monster, any monster, would steal one from the jungle just to add to their collection makes my blood boil. I cannot in good conscience attend a school that would agree to let something such as this happen. I feel like I have failed in my duties as a protector of my home. I should just stay here and not allow any monsters to ever enter the jungle again, but then the orchid would still be in a place that it should not be. No, I will go to Monster High so I can bring back the ghost orchid and return it to its rightful place. A place where it shall never be in peril again.

[purplesurveys]

916

What Rhymes With “AIR”?

1. Are the walls of your room bare or do you have things hanging up there? I have some things on the wall, yes. A few paintings, Audrey Hepburn wall decors, and a poster of Nam Joo Hyuk. I used to have wrestling posters but my mom, ever the control freak, removed them because she didn’t like them. Sigh.

2. When’s the last time you went outside to enjoy the fresh air? I went out this morning to take Cooper to the vet for his anti-rabies shot. I didn’t necessarily do it to enjoy the fresh air, but that came along with the experience as well anyway.

3. Do you watch the Fresh Prince of Bel-Air? I started watching it this month actually! It’s super fun and Will Smith’s physical comedy is hilarious, but it isn’t really the type of show I’d binge-watch given how old the jokes and some of the tropes already are. I definitely don’t dislike it, but I just take longer to watch the episodes.

4. When’s the last time it felt like you were walking on air? Sunday, when I had my virtual grad and found out my parents and aunt and uncle got all my favorite food delivered to the house :) We had baked sushi, baked samgyeopsal, Pancit Malabon, and pichi-pichi that day, aaaaahhhhhh.

5. Have you ever been on air, on a radio station? Very briefly. One of our field trips in high school was a visit to a major broadcasting network, and we we were brought to their AM radio studio. The broadcaster on air at the time – one of my favorites of all time – welcomed us and gave us a chance to say hi on air.

6. Have you ever felt like all of the air was coming out of your lungs? Sure, but I guess it’s more accurate to say that I’ve occasionally felt the sensation of my chest increasingly tightening.

7. Has it seemed as though anything has ever disappeared into thin air? Have you ever pulled an idea out of thin air? The first one, yes. I have this stupid ability to drop a certain thing and have it disappear forever; I hate that it happens to me all the time lol. 

I can relate with the second situation as well; when I was still in school and had to write essays, reaction papers, anything of the sort, I’d wait till the last possible minute to start working on it since it’s by then that the good ideas start pouring in.

8. Have you ever wanted to be on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire”? Sure. I’ve enjoyed trivia for as long as I can remember, so the show has always been right up my alley.

9. Do you know a billionaire in real life? No. I know a loooot of CEO kids, kids of MNC owners/executives, and kids of political dynasties though...comes with the environment I grew up in and the schools I went to.

10. Would you like to be an heir or heiress to a fortune? I wouldn’t say no to that.

11. Would you be able to successfully get away if you ever came across a bear? The one thing I keep hearing is to stay very still, so I’d be doing my best to do just that. I got no other survival skills though and if there’s apparently anything more that needs to be done during a bear encounter, then I don’t know of them.

12. Where’s your favorite place to go? How long does it take to get there? Hmm I’ve loved going to many places. My favorite vacation spots so far have been Sagada - that’s a 15, 16-hour road trip from Manila; Vigan - 8-hour road trip; and Palawan - an hour or so plane ride from Manila. If we’re taking nearby places, I like going to coffee shops to unwind and have a pastry or two. I don’t have a favorite one; I just go to whichever one’s the nearest to me at the moment.

13. How often do you err on the side of caution? I keep it at a healthy 50/50. There are times I’m okay with taking a big leap, but if I’m not super invested in something anyway and/or if there’s not a lot in it for me, I play it safe.

14. How often do people say they’re angry with you? My life revolves around being a (very cautious) people pleaser and making sure I don’t piss off people. The only people who have told me they’re angry with me are my mom and girlfriend.

15. Do you own any long underwear? I have never heard of these until today. I’d love to live somewhere so cold I need to wear clothes specifically meant to be worn underneath my actual outfit lol

16. How much Tupperware do you own? I’m Filipino, man. Filipino moms practically make it their life’s mission to collect as many Tupperware containers as they can. I’m pretty sure we have a bunch that we didn’t even own to begin with - just magically ended up in our cupboard after all the parties and gatherings we’ve had hahaha.

17. What color is your underwear right now? Green.

18. Do you still sleep with a teddy bear? I never slept with stuffed animals; I preferred pillows.

19. What pair of your shoes has the most wear and tear? In my first year of college the only shoes I owned was a pair of Keds. Used it for everything and it unsurprisingly ended up being super worn out - soles got detached from the shoe and all that. I think we still have it here at home – still destroyed – but it’s been untouched for a while.

20. Do you like to play Solitaire? It was a great boredom buster game for me for a time, especially when phone apps weren’t all that expansive yet. I haven’t played it in many months though.

21. Do you or your family own a full set of silverware? We do.

22. What do you have to take everywhere with you? Phone, wallet, car and house keys. Because of school I’ve also developed a habit of accidentally bringing my laptop nearly everywhere I go – I brought it to the vet once, lol

23. Would you like to visit Delaware? Yes. Delaware actually stands out in my memory because I remember reading in a kids’ almanac many years ago that it was the first to become a US state. Ever since then I’ve kinda bookmarked the place in my head.

24. Last time you received dental care? December. My tooth had been hurting for a couple of months but it became absolutely unbearable by that month so I had to book an emergency appointment days before Christmas. I felt super bad for the hassled dentist (who doubles as a family friend, which made it more embarrassing)... but at that point I was crying myself to sleep every night and would wake up at 3 AM crying in pain, and I would’ve done anything for the toothache to go away. 

25. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be? Somewhere brutally cold.

26. Where in the world is Carmen Sandiego? I’ve never been able to relate to this question, lol soz.

27. Are you satisfied sitting here, taking this survey, or would you rather be elsewhere? I’m satisfied for now. I found more potential leads when it came to job-hunting and I’m not feeling too anxious anymore. I’ve been so focused on looking for corporate communications/PR jobs in the private sector that I forgot about the possibility of applying my skills in something I’m even more passionate about - museums! We have a few government agencies focused on museums, culture, and the arts and I definitely see myself performing in the jobs they offer. It’s even better because it’ll help me get my foot in the door in government positions, and as someone who’s indecisive about law it’ll be a great bridge to start with. Guess we’ll just have to wait and see.

28. Last time you sat in a barber’s chair? Early March.

29. Do you own any cans of compressed air? I’m not sure...had to look that up. Maybe we do? Idk. Dad will sometimes hoard random grownup stuff from the hardware store so I’m not ruling this one out.

30. Do you have a swivel chair at your desk? Nope.

31. Do you prefer an armchair or a rocking chair? Rocking chair.

32. Would you rather have a beanbag chair or a hanging swing chair in your room? Hanging swing chair sounds so hipster and awesome lol. I’ve had my time with a beanbag chair anyway.

33. What’s the last non-survey related questionnaire that you had to fill out? SSS form.

34. Are there any crimes that you feel make someone deserving of the electric chair? Not really a death penalty kinda gal, but if anyone had to sit in the electronic chair it’ll be people torturing and abusing animals for fun.

35. Do you know anyone who uses a wheelchair? Yes.

36. Do you know anyone who is on welfare? I probably do.

37. Do you play Modern Warfare? Nopes.

38.   Do you ever feel like life is unfair? It is, objectively. I’m a little pessimistic when it comes to this.

39.   Have you ever visited Times Square? No. I dunno if I wanna go there...it seems so crowded and claustrophobic, not to mention super tourist-y haha. I’d love to visit once just to see the bright lights and the giant ads, but I’d much rather be at museums and historical sites.

40.   Do you tell people to “take care” at the end of a conversation with them? Sometimes. I’ve been saying it a lot more often these days, for obvious reasons.

41.   Where is somewhere that you would like to move to? Canada. But I also feel like if I moved there immediately it would be such a culture shock in terms of the weather, culture, how far away I am from family, etc. and I doubt I would cope well. I suppose I can move to either Vietnam or Singapore first, as kind of like a baby step.

42.   What is something in your home that needs to be repaired? One of the stovetop burners stopped working last night and my dad’s determined to fix that.

43.   What kind of sleepwear do you own? I go to bed in just my normal home clothes; I don’t change to anything else.

44.   What skin care products do you use? Water. ;) I’m one of the lucky ones lol.

45.   Do you have any spyware on your computer? Nope.

46.   Do you own any sportswear? What sports? I have athletic shorts from when I played table tennis.

47.   Do you like Fred Astaire? Sure. I’ve only seen one movie of his (Funny Face) and he was a delight in that.

48.   How long does it take you to prepare a meal? I only ever make instant meals, oops.

49.   Do you know anyone named Pierre? Yes, Eva’s youngest sister is a Pierre. I’m just not sure if it’s also the same spelling.

50.   Are you going nowhere fast? I hope not. I’m giving myself a quick break for now after studying for 18 years straight but like I’m not out of ambition or anything like that at all.

51.   How often do you have a nightmare? Not very. They only show up when I’m going through a depression. My last nightmare was two or so years ago.

52.   How often are you able to catch something in mid-air? It’s unpredictable with me. Some days my reflexes are great but sometimes I’ll just be so clumsy.

53.   What do your lawn chairs look like? Brown and wooden.

54.   How many chairs are at your dining/kitchen table? Six; just right for our family of five.

55.   Favorite type of footwear? Sneakersssssss.

56.   When’s the last time one of your senses were impaired? From what? My left eye still gets irritated from time to time. We never really found out what’s wrong with it; my first checkup happened on the day before lockdown, so we never got to go back. When it starts to act up, I usually have no choice but to wait for it to go away.

57.   Have you ever been in a hot air balloon before? No. I’ve been to hot air balloon festivals though. That’s enough for me haha; I’m not desiring to be in one and be up in the sky.

58.   Do you have a good health care plan? My parents do for us kids.

59.   Last time you went to the hardware store? Months ago.

60.   Have you ever played foursquare before? No. I thought that was just a website. Oops.

61.   Do you own any types of eyewear? I’ve worn a pair of glasses since I was 11. I had needed them much earlier but my mom always thought I was being a sissy and just ‘wanted’ glasses to fit in with other kids. It was such a stupid mindset, and it was so stupid of her to not believe her kid WHO WAS STARTING TO NOT SEE. It was only when I took an eye exam at the school clinic and the school wrote her a letter that she finally believed me, but I had been suffering for a while and could barely read the chalkboard for like two years, which definitely affected my grades. 

62.   What brand of cookware do you have a lot of? Not sure about brands.

63.   Nothing can compare to: Having a complete, loving, and supportive family.

64.   Have you ever worked in a childcare center? I haven’t.

65.   Do you have a “beware of dog” sign on your gate? Nah. I usually say it myself. Kimi never got used to strangers.

66.   Have you ever attended daycare as a child? I guess you can say that? It wasn’t daycare per se but some malls used to have play areas/centers and my mom used to drop me off in those while she ran errands for a few hours. Those aren’t too common nowadays because I guess it’s more dangerous to leave your kids now, even with attendants, but they were a fun part of my childhood.

67.   Are you very aware of your surroundings? I’m honestly a little ditzy so no. I always need a more responsible, more street smart friend by my side especially when I’m going somewhere unfamiliar.

68. Have you ever had an au pair or a nanny before? We used to have househelp, but we never saw them as nannies. A vast majority of them never met my mom’s (extremely high) expectations and quit in a few weeks or months, sometimes even days; the few ones who did eventually wanted better lives for themselves and resigned after a few years, which we didn’t stop them from doing. At some point my mom gave up having help around and realized that ultimately, she’d rather clean up and do chores her way.

69. Do you know anyone who has had an affair? Yes.

70. How much are you willing to spend on airfare? I’ve never bought my own ticket so I don’t know how much they’re supposed to be on average...but I imagine I’m willing to pay a lot of money if it means going to the destinations of my dreams.

71. Who do you care about the most? The friends that I count as family.

72. Are you more likely to choose truth or dare? Truth. I’m too shy to do dares and I’ve never had a problem telling the truth anyway.

73. Have you ever seen the Blair Witch Project before? Yes, a few times.

74. Do you like the name Claire? Would you spell it with or without the I? I love it, it sounds elegant and graceful and it’s one of my favorite names. I prefer it with an I – I don’t know any Clares, actually.

75. Last time you went to a fair? Last week of January.

76. What can be done to make life more fair? Ending world hunger and poverty and making education accessible for all. 

77. How much are you willing to spend on cab fare? Not much. Cab fares should be fair after all.

78. Do you have a lot of flair? To some extent, I guess. I’m certainly not dragging myself down haha.

79. Do you own flare jeans? Nopes.

80. Is there a glare on your computer screen right now? There isn’t.

81. When’s the last time someone glared at you? Sometime in the last week would be a safe guess. My mom will sometimes communicate through glares and I’ve picked up the habit from her as well.

82. What type of hair do you have? (color, length, texture, etc) How often do you wash it? It’s black, quite thick, a bit on the wavy side, and has a tendency to get frizzy when it’s humid. Length-wise, it currently reaches just my collarbones. After a rebonding disaster around a decade ago my hair got a bit dry and it never really recovered from that, so I need to wash my hair with a giant blob of conditioner every time I take a shower otherwise it would get dry and hard.

83. Do you know the difference between a rabbit and a hare? I know hares are larger, but that’s about it.

84. Do you like to eat eclairs? LOVE them.

85. What do you consider to be your lair? My car has served as my safety bubble for so many depressing days in college. That’s why I got a little heartbroken when my dad told me he might have plans to sell it to my aunt (his sister).

86. A female horse is called a mare. What is a male horse called? A baby horse? Stallion; foal. Thank you, kid’s almanacs haha.

87. Have you ever used Nair before? Did it work? I used Veet in middle school when razors still scared me. It worked, but it took a whiiiiile and sometimes it wouldn’t even take all the hair off, so eventually I just started shaving. 

88. Has anyone ever told you to “grow a pair”? No, and no thanks.

89. What is something that you own a pair of? Dogs. 

90. What is a rare quality that you have? Other people will have to answer that. They’re the ones who see me and get to decide what’s rare about me.

91. Last food you pared? I don’t think I’ve done that.

92. Do you know someone who is a debonair? Sure.

93. Do you like to scare others for fun? No.

94. What is something that scares you? The idea of being in a plane crash, for one.

95. Do you like Sonny and Cher? Can’t say I’m a fan or that I’ve listened to anything of theirs.

96. Do you know how to share? Do you like to share? Sure. The only thing I’m a little selfish about is my food lol.

97. Have you ever played a snare drum before? A few times before, yes.

98. What do you do with your spare change? I give them to the tambays who help me get out of parking spots. That or I use it to buy food in school, since everything in UP’s cheap enough to pay with coins.

99. Do you know how to put on a spare tire? No. I’m interested to learn though.

100. Have you ever gotten a spare while bowling before? Yep, it’s happened a few times.

101. When’s the last time you wished someone would spare you the details? A week ago.

102. Do you win games fair and square? Sure. I’ve only cheated once and that was on an exam.

103. Do you know how to find the square root of something? Not anymore. I do have a bunch of perfect squares still memorized, though.

104. What are the characteristics of a square shape? Four equal sides that are also right angles.

105. Have you ever been called a square before? No. I don’t know what that means either, so if I got called that I wouldn’t know how to react.

106. Do you prefer the elevator or the stairs? Elevator.

107. Do you ever stare at other people? Only if it’s a bizarre situation. Once when this drunk guy got arrested in BGC and was being physical with the police, I stared and watched the whole thing. I do try to look away for most scenarios though.

108. How often do you swear? A few times a day.

109. Do you ever “swear on your life”? It’s not a saying that I commonly use, no.

110. What do you like to “tear up”? Eh, I don’t really like tearing up things.

111. What type of wares would you sell? Not interested in sales or business, so that’s a pass for me haha.

112. What kinds of clothing do you like to wear? I like wearing whatever’s trendy, as long as I genuinely like the look.

113. Have you ever had a pregnancy scare before? Never. [a-zebra-is-a-striped-horse]

[tobiasmasonpark]

Goosebumps Episode 1: the Girl Who Cried Monster

So, Goosebumps is a thing a lot of people my age remember fondly, and Netflix has a bunch of episodes there for viewing. Let’s take a look to see if it was as scary as we all remember.

Spoiler alert: it’s almost always, no. No it was not.

Source: http://www.aveleyman.com/ActorCredit.aspx?ActorID=84975

This is Lucy (Deborah Scorsone). Lucy likes scaring/scarring her younger brother Randy (Brandon Bone) and attending “Reading Rangers” at the local library. She’s a simple gal, with simple tastes, I guess. Maybe she just doesn’t have many friends outside of Aaron (Christopher Tuah).

It’s clear, however, that of Lucy’s two hobbies, she enjoys torturing her younger brother more than reading old books. Take a look at this quote that plays over the first minute of the show:

“I love to scare my little brother Randy. I tell him scary stories about monsters until he just begs me to stop. And I’m always teasing him by pretending to see monsters everywhere. I guess that’s why no one believed me the day I saw a real monster until it was too late”

It’s the only time narration happens in the episode. This happens a lot with Goosebumps, and it gets a pass since it’s a dumb kid’s show from the mid-nineties. My problem with it is how little sense it makes once we see the big Shyamalan twist at the end.

Lucy attends Reading Rangers after a good scolding from her mom. I don’t think Lucy likes Reading Rangers very much. I’m thinking it’s something her mom makes her do, because when she shows up at the library, the librarian kindly asks what she thought of the book. Lucy scoffs, thrusting back a copy of Black Beauty in disgust, giving it two thumbs down and saying that it would have been “better if the horse had two heads and gnarly fangs.”

Source: https://newtcave.blogspot.com/2017/02/recap-goosebumps-girl-who-cried-monster.html    

Two thumbs down? That’s basically a death sentence in the mid-90s. Sorry, Anna Sewell, but clearly this young lady is the Roger Ebert of the day. Gotta step it up, long-dead author from the nineteenth century.

Oh, by the way, here’s our librarian:

Source: http://goosebumps.wikia.com/wiki/The_Girl_Who_Cried_Monster/TV_episode  

That’s Eugene Lipinski—A.K.A. Visser Three from the Animorphs! Holy crap. But unlike in the Animorphs, where he was much bluer, and much hammier, Mr. Mortman is a soft-spoken dude who wears glasses and a sweater vest. He looks basically harmless out in public, but probably eats crickets with his tarantulas when no one is looking. You know, just like most librarians in the 90s.

Lucy chooses her next book, Frankenstein, and leaves the library, only to remember that she left her skates at the library. She overhears Mr. Mortman humming and walks in on him doing the second-most embarrassing thing a man would be doing when he thinks he’s alone—eating crickets!

Source: https://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2015/10/are-you-afraid-of-the-dark-or-goosebumps      

Since I’ve already brought up the comparison, can I just mention how this episode, from a show which aired in 1995, has make up for a monster that looks a million times better than what we got in the Animorphs tv show—which aired in 1998?  Just look at what their Andalites looked like:

Source: http://glitterfickle.tumblr.com/post/95113980796/thesylverlining-loveatfirstfandom-i-wonder

So, Lucy freaks out and leaves the library. The rest of the episode has her trying to tell her parents Mr. Mortman isn’t a monster, only for them not to believe her. Then she tells her friend Aaron that Mr. Mortman is a monster, only for him not to believe her. Yea, it’s like the boy who cried wolf. We get it. But we only ever see Lucy cry wolf once in the episode before she actually sees a monster. We’re told by Lucy in the narration that she does this all the time, but I don’t know if that’s enough to just disregard her.

Lucy decides to get some good-old fashion photo proof. But the flash gets the attention of Mr. Mortman, who chases Lucy around the library when she should have just gone out the front door to begin with. Lucy gets the pictures developed but runs into Mr. Mortman, who gets invited by Lucy’s parents to go over to their house for dinner. Also, Mr. Mortman doesn’t show up in the picture, which makes me wonder if this applies to all monsters, or just the species of monster Mr. Mortman is. Like, does Lucy’s family just not have photos of themselves around the house?

Mr. Mortman arrives, is given a meatball, and asks what they will be having for dinner. That’s when it is revealed that Lucy’s parents are actually dentists, and they refuse to give in and recommend Colgate to their patients. 

Source: https://newtcave.blogspot.com/2017/02/recap-goosebumps-girl-who-cried-monster.html  

THE TWIST:

So, turns out Lucy’s parents are monsters—and Lucy and Randy are also monsters, but they haven’t got their training fangs yet. Like training bras? I wonder if that also involves an embarrassing trip to the GAP? Lucy’s parents eat Mr. Mortman because he’s a bad monster, who would end up bringing attention to Lucy’s family and get them killed by angry villagers with pitchforks, or something.

At least, that’s what they claim. I personally think that Lucy and her parents are actually the bad monsters and are in hiding. They find this quiet little American town with a supply of fresh meat, when soft-spoken Mr. Mortman comes waltzing in with his glasses and sweater vests, and Black Beauty and threatens their whole operation. I mean, up until then, the dude was just eating crickets and being generally creepy in his own alone time, after library hours. He only started following Lucy around once she found out he was a monster.

And remember that narration from Lucy at the beginning? About how she tells her brother that monsters are everywhere, to scare him? Are these the monsters we know of, like Vampires and Werewolves, or monsters that his parents tell their kids they should watch out for? The kids say that they know monsters exist at the end of the movie. So, why is Randy so scared of the dumb stories his sister tells them? How does a little kid not just spill this very big secret to other kids in his class?

Anyway, not super impressed by this first episode of show directed at 12-year olds from 1995. It’s pretty cheesy, and not really all that scary. Like, I realize I’m a 25-year-old man-type person. But even as a kid I don’t think I would find it particularly unsettling.

Best Line in the Show: 

Source: http://www.pinsdaddy.com/deborah-scorsone-lucy_2tjDS7oFNktBO5QW2Kn%7CTCO5kMHFV*SRcdi8BNntOkg/              

I’m still unsure of what she means by this…

Best Monster Pun: When Mr. Mortman is chasing Lucy and says “Keep running, little one, I love fast food.”

Top Notch Reviews from IMBD:

I like how under crazy credits it says, “Green Blood drips down the screen in ending credits of every episode.” I had no idea. 

Man, these reviews really put mine to shame.

 Where Are They NOW?

Eugene Lipinski: (Mr. Mortman) Been acting since 1979. He’s appeared in various things; minor roles in movies like Superman 2, Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade, and Octopussy, but also recurring roles in Fringe and Arrow. And, of course, he was Visser Three in Animorphs.

Deborah Scorsone: (Lucy Dark)Just this and nothing else, unfortunately.

Christopher Tuah: (Aaron) Most recent role was in 2003 in something called Zoe Busiek: Wild Card, where he played “Youth.”

Lynne Cormack: (Mrs. Dark.) Most recently, she appeared in 12 Monkeys as “Unfaithful mother.”

Dan Lett: (Mr. Dark Played) Played Defense Secretary Wesieberg in X-men Apocalypse—not that I remember who that is. Voiced King Babar in 2000. Most recently, played a Cadillac salesman in the Shape of Water, and playing Robert Pearson in Georgetown, which is in post-production.

Brandon Bone: (Randy Dark) Most recent roll was Judgment Day: the Ellie Nesler Story in 1999, where he played “Brian.” But in 2010 he did voiceover work for the documentary August Light: Wilson Creek and the Battle for Missouri.”