#my ol' noodle

[quartervirus]

Damned If I Do

I've got a cocktail of issues, but at least now you know how to summon me. 👿

Speaking of life kicking you while you're down, this year has been a continuous fight against stress, anxiety, lethargy, exhaustion ... my body issues hit new lows; on bad days I sequester myself indoors, on worse days I have terrible thoughts I'd hoped to have moved on from.

I beat myself up if I'm not banging out art EVERY. DAMN. DAY. Which doesn't lend itself to creativity so much as dooms oneself to a self-fulfilling spiral of failure, frustration, and further art block.

Thankfully, I had the extreme luck of finding a very good therapist who has been instrumental in overcoming even the smallest of hurdles, and yet they seem like mountains to me. For the first time in what feels like forever something finally shook loose and I was able to sit down, make art, and actually enjoy the process again regardless what the final product became.

It was a challenging bullet to bite – getting past my body image crap long enough to crank out a self portrait – but as ever I deal with shitty things by poking fun at them. Life sucks enough without adding my damage to the mix.

[huginsmemory]

Been thinking about how Bill legitimately had a horrifying reason (the literal progressive disintegration of the nightmare realm that erases whatever it disintegrates from existence completely) to move himself and his crew into a new dimension. Like that's terrifying. And yet he never utilizes this to his favour. He could have been honest about this with Ford, and you KNOW as long as Bill didn't mention plans of overtaking the earth, Ford would've made the portal for him, both out of Ford's own interest and because Ford when faced with these big moral questions will pull through. But this is a card Bill NEVER plays because although he needs to leave the dimension, he cannot lose face. He can't put aside his pride and admit to the humility that he needs to flee from his dimension, that he's not actually all powerful. And so instead he pretends to be a muse and when Ford figures out something else is going on, instead of being open and humble and saying that his dimension is unravelling, Bill focuses on that he's going to over take earth, that he's actually been a monster all along, surprise Ford!

And part of it is definitely because Bill's built himself up on power and violence and to grovel and earnestly ask for help, to admit that he cannot stop the unraveling of his dimension completely invalidates that; showing vulnerability? Can't do that, even under the guise of lying to get his way. And part of it makes you wonder if it's also a form of self-sabotage, because underneath his deep denial Bill is guilty over what he occurred; he sees himself as a monster and so he'll be that monster, and having people recognize that feels good in the same way that pressing a bruise feels good. But it makes you wonder what would've happened if Bill even just was open about his dimension unravelling and had lied about overtaking the earth.

It's also interesting because although Bill has SOME charisma and can manipulate people decently well (as evidenced by his cult, and pandering to people's desires with Ford, Mabel and Blendin), he refuses to be vulnerable, refuses to not be true to his off-putting self, even when if he was just vulnerable of pretended to not be himself, to put aside the (false) pride he has in himself he would've gotten a portal by now. and part of me wonders if it's because it's this false pride that built on insecurity and denial on who he is he cannot drop that mask.

Further thoughts on this!

[puppyeared]

fake ep idea + doodles

[starflared-arrow]

Thinking about kieran with porygon z got me in a chokehold you’d think he’d know right. He’d know. That its evolution is effectively a corruption. Pushing porygon2 to upgrade beyond its limits until it’s corrupted and broken. Much like himself. He’s purposely corrupting his pokemon/his self. He’ll do anything to get stronger, even if it means losing and destroying himself in the process. Absolute dumbass. Just be normal and run eviolite porygon2 bruh

actually looking at his champion team is driving me insane?? Bro has prankster screens and drizzle+hurricane/thunder+helping hand. All these pokemon with their HA (not to mention the 6Vs tho that’s a given for most of the dlc anyway). Incineroar. Dragonite with tera normal in the files tho he never uses it (normal being a common tera type for espeed dragonite) Also replacing poliwrath with politoed is FOUL lmfao (if you’re insane and delusional like me you can spin this into something about restarting and rewriting his image, throwing away his weak self) (also he brings poliwrath back during mochi mayhem so like. )

and iirc besides gym leaders who terastallize their ace into their specialised type, kieran is the only one who terastallizes his pokemon into a type different from hydrapple’s og types? Why fighting tho. The only advantage I can see is to resist bug and hit ice with fighting tera blast??? There are better options for hydrapple’s tera type but if you say so buddy. Point is he’s one of the only ones who doesn’t use a Pokémon’s default tera type which is interesting, he’s not just going tera orb yippee (blank soulless stare) but actually. Y’know. Utilising the type change aspect of tera types.

[aarontveit]

NEXTLAND | 2024 dir. Torre Catalano

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

How the hell do you draw a skinny Howdy-

I wanna draw him skinny but he looks weird if I don't give him big ol' boobies and I don't wanna give him big ol' boobies!!

uhhhh ok i broke him down to his bare essentials:

[imminent-danger-came]

I'll never get over the fact that MK trades his friends for power to save his friends. What's wrong with him

[giggly-squiggily]

hi friend!! how are you holding up? :)

Hey friend! If I’m being completely honest- mentally I feel like utter crap; both for given reasons and some personal things going on in my IRL life that have been leaving me a bit more down than usual; hence my spacey presence here on the ol’ hell sight 😅

That said, I’m determined to find and celebrate the brighter things in life! My birthday is next week, I’ve been working through my backlog of otome games in my free time with moderate success (Tengoku Struggle is amazing btw just gonna throw that out there) and I’ve been living for the new Blue Lock season! They’re small things, but right now they’re helping me hang in there.

I hope you’re doing alright right now yourself friend 💖 May you find joy and comfort in things you love! Take care, treat yourself to something that makes you happy and remember that you’re always welcomed to come by and chat via asks here on my blog!

Sending lots of hugs to everyone! 💖💖💖💖

[rexscanonwife]

Hello lovelies!! As you may know I'm on vacation in Puerto Rico right now with my amazing partner and having an absolute BLAST 🥺🥺💘💗💘💗💘 it's been so much fun hanging out with ruby and their family and feeling like part of it!

At the same time tho (and I've been talking about this with them)...being on a tropical island and hanging out at the beach has got me thinking about Jacob again 😳😳

[quartervirus]

Winter Joyride

I am real bad at staying current with my art.

Anyway, here's a dumb thing from back in January I forgot existed until just now.

Walking Rafale on the ice is an experience once he spots his best friends across the park ...

[isdalinarhot]

I wish “Dalinar is beefyfat” was a True Canon Fact and not just a thing I’m doing to correct Sanderson’s shortcomings for this shit + I hauve covid. It could be so beautiful if I didn’t have to fight off thirst trap ish Dalinar With Abs fanart from every artist horny for Dalinar but me

[i-normally-dont]

The Terrors of Pelican Town

My farmer and Shane, best buds forever

Was trying something with perspective that I don't think ended up working but overall I'm happy with the piece

[llumimoon]

Sorry I’ve been MIA wjbeajjff been working on a something a lil big <3

[themirrormarches]

august enjoys ramen noodles.

raw.

[cardnompfs]

Hello I am back!

I should really get back trying to be active again and try and draw some more things but yeah-

Otherwise here's this..! Drawing of Me and all my headmates! Hope you like it ehehe..!

[vamptastic]

i also just don't understand the neurochemical theory for ADHD i guess. i mean, as far as i can tell, stimulants have genuinely helped me a lot, especially with sensory overload and being able to activate focus at will more often. but they haven't changed the core part of me that just goes too fast, if that makes sense. when i was a kid, most of the adults around me were convinced that (and it sounds fucking stupid, sorry, i promise i am not making this up) i was like... so smart that i had excess neurons that fired so much it caused literally every symptom of ADHD you can imagine. sensory overload was because i had like, heightened senses and took in too much data, talking fast and on a train of thought was because i just thought faster than other people, stuff like that. it's definitely a lot better than being told i'm stupid and defective (though i got a fair bit of that too, depending on the adult), but pretty obviously pseudoscientific and also the reason i didn't get diagnosed till age 16 despite the extremely obvious flags i was throwing up. regardless, that explanation that my brain was simply structured differently, that i basically took in too much data too fast, always spoke to me a lot more than the idea that it's caused by my dopamine receptors only. i just don't generally link most of my symptoms to my emotions or adrenaline levels most of the time. certainly it plays a part, but the way i talk, the sensory stuff, and the way i learn and process new information seems to be largely unexplainable with dopamine levels.