#my obsession niche is barren

[vegetable-soup-wizard]

Im reading like a book a day (200-300 words) right now and I think I’m regressing but it’s ok because I was smarter when I was like 11

[organ-market]

Unsung Beauty: Caves in Fictional Media

Hang Son Doong, Vietnam

Around a year ago, I started obsessing over cave tragedy videos on YouTube. Videos about tragedies in Sand Cave, Nutty Putty, or any other deep hole in the ground where something goes wrong were formulaic, repetitive, and worst of all the guy I was watching used the exact same music in every video, but despite it all those videos inspired an infatuation with all things deep within the depths of the Earth. I soon stopped watching "caving gone wrong!" videos in pursuit of something with a little more taste and love. I read about Hang Son Doong's expansive size and gargantuan formations, Mammoth Cave's rich history and winding chambers, and countless more fascinating oddities of our natural world. My infatuation with caves deeply burrowed into my everyday as I spent hours reading about caves all across the world. I had no idea such an interesting and diverse world existed beneath my feet! I found that there is an unsung beauty deep within the natural splendor in the twisting caverns below us all.

To complement my newfound obsession I sought out movies, television shows, and games that involved caves but my search turned into a desperate scavenge as media that revered caves the way I did was beyond scarce. Apart from scholarly articles and the odd documentary, caves were widely known but as an interest they were somewhat niche. The only fiction I could find fascinated with caves to any degree was solely horror in genre. While disappointed I could see why this was the case; caves are dark, damp, and play on a litany of common human fears, but writing off caves exclusively as a vehicle of horror is an egregious waste of enormous potential!

Neil Marshall's The Descent, 2005

As much as I enjoy movies like The Descent and In Darkness We Fall, where its titular characters underestimate the depths and labyrinthine chambers of the caverns that eventually entomb them, there needs to be more diversity in cave fiction that explores the majesty and wonder of caves, the rich history some of these caves have that could make for compelling narratives, or the captivating creatures that call caves home. I would kill for a show about speleologists (Scientists who specialize in caves.) who explore and discover fascinating species of troglobites, (Animals that strictly live within caves.) and find incredible rock formations worthy of a name. I would love to see a historical drama about The Kentucky Cave Wars during the 1920’s when private cave owners used malicious tactics to gain a competitive advantage. The closest thing I have to the latter is the musical, Floyd Collins, based on the real man who was trapped in Sand Cave a almost a full century ago.

Far too often are caves relegated to being obtuse holes in mountains that have nothing to offer in our collective narratives. The portrayal of caves in these movies are incredibly bland! (Although I did enjoy how the humanoid creatures in The Descent bear close resemblance to real world troglobites!) Caves can be lush or barren, dry or wet, claustrophobically tight or breathtakingly large. If caves were ever one thing it is that every one is a unique little snowflake forged in different ways over a timespan inconceivable by our human minds. The caves featured in popular media are largely interchangeable with one another, we could place the lead characters of In Darkness We Fall in any old hole! Caves are products of geological history and their defining landscapes shape how they turn out. Hardly do media about caves explore this uniqueness and that's a genuine shame.

Cave of the Crystals, Mexico

There is a severe drought of cave fiction that borrows the beauty of caves. I want to see a setting inspired by the otherworldly wonder of the ginormous Hang Son Doong in Vietnam, the largest cave in the world, so large, in fact, it can form clouds within it. I need to see the towering crystals present in Mexico’s Cave of the Crystals, a cave adorned with enormous gypsum crystals which make the curious scientists seem so tiny. I demand to see set pieces in movies inspired by the fantastical Waitomo Glowworm Caves in New Zealand which resemble the night sky. I write all of this hoping to push back against the narrative that the sole function of a cavern in stories is for a protagonist to get lodged under a rock, or consumed by its depths, I hope to encourage others to see how diverse and unique caves are.

Mojang Studio's Minecraft, Caves and Cliff Update, 2021

Thankfully, for you and me but particularly me, I’ve recently seen an influx of gorgeous caves reminiscent of my natural darlings. Although these appear to be notable exceptions, the colorful world of video games have delivered to my doorstep some magnificent offerings of unparalleled beauty. While somewhat few and far between, games like Minecraft and Elden Ring spoil a cave enthusiast like me to take part in exploring the depths I daydream about on the daily. The new swallowing expanses of hollowed chunks of rock in Minecraft were directly inspired by Hang Son Doong! I was delighted to see the inclusion of pale, blind cave fish inspired by the real world fish that lack pigment and eyes due to evolving in an environment where those features were no longer necessary.

Although I haven’t gotten very far in FromSoftware’s Elden Ring, the opening cave had me absolutely overjoyed. The careful attention to detail with an opening in the cave ceiling allowing light shrubbery to grow did not go unappreciated! A screenshot of ginormous glowing crystals looming above Tarnished gazing upon them torch in hand, left me thinking back on the real world Cave of the Crystals. The interactivity of video games lends itself well to being able to bask in the glory of these digital recreations of the caves I’ve grown to love. Being able to meander in these physical spaces is just so special and an unbelievable gift.

FromSoftware's Elden Ring, 2022

I haven’t delved into the portrayal of caves in literary fiction but from a glance it seems just as filled with horror as other mediums, but I’m sure there’s some gems in there waiting to be found. As it stands I remain starved for passionate, loving portrayals of my beloved caves in the media I consume and I continue to curse myself for obsessing over such a niche little thing. I will admit however that every little unique depiction of caves that sings about their beauty has me jumping for joy because their rarity makes them feel all the more special. Like a gift on an otherwise ordinary day, it’s always such a pleasant surprise. If you’ve watched, played, or read something that constructed a narrative surrounding caves that called on their natural majesty, PLEASE I beg of you to let me know about it! I hope to see more and more diverse representations of what caves can be in all forms of popular media in the years to come! Keep it real y'all <3

 -Ghost Emoji 👻

[echidnacht]

Thoughts on the Ecosystem of the Western Wastes

Does anyone else think too much abt the inaccurate science in the travellers guide (specifically the bestiary). Cuz. They were wrong. This might just be me being obsessed with ecology but there is so much potential with the whole idea of the Everdeads in the Western Wastes but then they hit us with this:

Which is just? not true??

(This is from a free reward on patreon titled "How to Slay Monsters, by Sir Caroline (and the herbalist, I suppose)", you can look it up on patreon to read it in full)

While they do get the spirit of death being the foundation of all ecosystems, they don't seem to understand that this is the case for every ecosystem. Being at the bottom of the food chain is a completely normal and natural thing. That's just the producer level organism in an ecosystem. Grass does not go extinct because it is eaten- it's very existence as a species relies on the curbing of overpopulation, giving of nutrients and spreading of progeny that herbivores provide.

I love the world of Second Citadel, and I love this idea- of death being the sacred thing that supports all life, taken literally. So I want to go through and indulge my "erm, actually" instinct to correct some stuff in here.

The Everdeads are described as dead, but still regenerating. Any cut-off branches or leaves will regenerate, but they apparently don't photosynthesise or take up nutrients, though they provide constant resources to the ecosystem. If the largest flora species doesn't photosynthesize the smaller plants would likely have a higher rate of photorespiration or else the carbon cycle in the Wastes would be pretty weird. (Also, I imagine, since the Everdeads were presumably once alive (?), the trees themselves provide a pretty hefty solid carbon store).

(Putting the rest under the cut, this got long)

Regarding nutrients: the soil in the wastes is described as completely barren, lacking any nutrients. However, there is also described to be a layer of leaf litter and detritus from the Everdeads. This is also soil! Just the top layer. Depending on how long the Everdeads have been around, say a few thousand years, this nutrient rich soil would be maybe ten centimeters deep. Not that much, but still!

As for why there isn't any nutrients, I think this could be for a couple reasons- one is that its just bad land, but the fact that the soil is "resistant to adding any" nutrients implies there's something else. Maybe it was a devestating magical event many centuries ago, or (spoilers) maybe it was another early attack by the humans using anti magical metal which now discourages all life.

It's my headcanon that the Everdeads have roots that can reach deep enough into the inhospitable soil that it can reach some kind of source of magic that it feeds on and uses to provide for the rest of the wastes.

Another interesting note is that "the Everdead population crept east one thousand years ago"- possibly the universe's reaction to the mirrored plains? (I could be wrong about the dates here). Either the universe reacting to the spread of death by spreading "death", or wanting the Everdeads to help heal that area. No idea.

Other fun things: The fact that the primary contribution is detritus means the blooming of saprophytes like microbes and fungi. There's probably lots of mushrooms growing out of Everdeads and in shady places under them, which I think adds to the "fall aesthetic". Insects would likely also thrive in the leaf litter. I imagine Everdeads to be like giant redwood trees. I imagine a similar ecosystem to that as well- smaller shrubs and a few grasses and mosses in more sunny patches, as well as epiphytic ferns and plants growing on the Everdeads themselves.

One other thing is that since prety much all of the Wastes (a pretty big area) has the exact same producer and therefore the same niche, there can't be that much biodiversity. That would only come from things like mountains, water, and climate changes. I assume the Wastes are pretty temperate if not tropical, seeing as there's dinosaurs there, though its unclear how much rainfall there is. I imagine it takes after more barren ecosystem like deserts and tundra, with few species and maybe one or two top predators (the predator here being the T-rex, i imagine). There's also mentioned swinging mice, which are presumably monkeys- probably herbivores feeding on the plants and fruits the Everdeads allow to grow. Maybe the wastes are known to be barren due to the lack of diverse species and not just the fact that cultivated plants can't grow, who knows.

Another headcanon is that Everdeads do not have a latin name because it is impossible to track their lineage as they do not die. We know latin names are a thing in Second Citadel because Sunny Budkin says this:

Though they don't seem to be in common use in the Citadel as we never hear Rilla use any. Possibly a monster thing, possibly something from a lost previous civilisation (Sunny is like 50 thousand years old after all). Everdead seems to be more a state of tree than a species anyway.

Thank you for reading this tangent, I have so many thoughts about the second citadel world. I could also go on about the implications of Arum creating creatures in his swamp and their theories of evolution, though that is explored a bit more in canon (the sweetfrog story is accurate enough, though I could still nitpick one or two things) and I've half drafted an in-universe research paper on the Numb-Cap written by Rilla and Arum. I do love that ecology has something of an important role in SC, seeing my subject represented is nice to see.

If anyone has any additions or corrections I would love to hear them!

[crustaceousfaggot]

I posted 8,917 times in 2022

That's 5,741 more posts than 2021!

135 posts created (2%)

8,782 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@wolfbird14

@that-g3-obsessive

@transgender-rex

@seveneyesoup

I tagged 2,200 of my posts in 2022

#a swarm of queues - 637 posts

#tma - 167 posts

#goncharov - 87 posts

#rqg - 83 posts

#unreality - 78 posts

#malevolent - 76 posts

#the sandman - 50 posts

#dracula daily - 48 posts

#ofmd - 42 posts

#the magnus archives - 41 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#the fact that i reliably know i can just start daydreaming about some characters or engage with a piece of media and feel driven and stable

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Tumblr podcast fandoms: Man how cool would it be to get a film or tv adaptation of these unique and relatively niche audio-only stories

Netflix: makes an Archive 81 adaptation

Tumblr podcast fandoms: FUCK NO GO BACK

971 notes - Posted January 19, 2022

#4

1,014 notes - Posted October 14, 2022

#3

Anyone else scared that this is gonna be like... yet another example of a poorly thought out, poorly motivated, over-hyped, low-quality sequel? Like... I wanna have faith in Jonny but I've been let down so many times before...

1,703 notes - Posted October 13, 2022

#2

So I've been playing Stray, and watching some YouTubers play it as well, and I think a lot of them are misunderstanding the themes of the game, and what it has to say about human nature. Pretentious rant incoming.

I actually think that this game is a really interesting look at humanity, and a really beautiful subversion of dystopian tropes. One one side of course you do have the classic dystopian mentality, humans are relentless consumers who destroyed the world and left it barren. But the game is saying "the large scale impacts of humans, brought on by the thoughtless greed of the wealthy and powerful and perpetuated by individuals just trying to get through the day", not "human society itself is corrupt and evil". In fact, it goes out of its way to refute this idea, through the robots that carry on our legacy.

Human society is beautiful. It is about love, and creation, and community, and hope. It is about sitting on a stoop playing a song merely for the joy of making music. It's about tending to plants, not for any purpose, but just to see a living thing flourish under your care. It's about lighting colourful bulbs in dark times to keep hope alive. It is about petting a cat, feeling it rub up against your legs and not quite knowing how you could possibly feel such love for something so small.

17,204 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

I like my men how I like my wine: full-bodied and with fruity undertones

20,332 notes - Posted November 14, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[jitteryjive]

FANTSY AU OH BOY*sits down and brings out a bag of popcorn and a large fanta* I WANA LISTEN ABOUT THIS ONE

HELL YEAH!!!

also apologies for this taking so long to answer!!! I wanted to write everything down :)

warning: this will be a long post even though it’s incomplete! also this will contain ode/pmtok chapter three spoilers since I’m not ignoring the fact that the game exists

tags contain all triggers.

-

okay, so basically, this niche au is entirely centered around the protagonists of my normal pmtok fics, consisting of Sea Captain, Ode, Prof, Cherub, DJ, and Shroomses. I’m sorry I don’t know why it’s such jitteryjive-protags-toadcentric but whatever, sorry guys

let’s start five thousand years ago. five thousand years ago, a pirate by the name of Captain Ode stole a legendary item from the heavens called the Marino.

it was simply a simple barter for the crown of the desert, belonging to a widespread king named King Shroomses (not to interrupt but HOLY FUCK his later designs in this story are like YES). for a while now, he’s held a grudge against him, as he’s much more skilled in stealing in this au and does stuff to fuck with him.

so, one day, Ode comes to make a deal with the King. he proposes that, if he lets him inherit the entire kingdom right now, he’ll have in possession both the Marino and boundless riches he’d stolen from aristocrats and oligarchies.

however, things don’t go as planned. Ode is captured by the King in response to the deal, surprising him.

he’s told to return the Marino to the heavens or else. like the crafty pirate that he is, Ode creates a plan to get away with the crown, and to seal the deal in a way the King won’t realize.

he tries to become king in the dead of night. he’s found attempting to steal the responsibility of being a ruler of the Kingdom, and apparently, this was the last straw.

this is where canon goes downhill. instead of being frozen and revived yadayada, he’s brutally executed on the spot (it’s not relevant to the plot but he was guillotined if you were wondering, ouch).

even though he’s, well, dead now, the King is still upset over his fuckery, and with necromancers growing stronger around him, he decides to take measures to ensure he will never walk the earth ever again.

he creates an elaborate labyrinth and hides the body of the pirate, convinced no one will ever revive his presence, and he goes back to his throne.

that isn’t the end of his story, though— he feels worse and worse for executing him in such a painful way, all on a personal grudge. it isn’t kingly at all to feel petty and take a technically innocent person’s life, even if everything he said was genuine.

over time, in his head, his morals degrade and his ruling abilities deteriorate as he falls into madness, believing he isn’t fit to rule at all with such a sin committed.

King Shroomses goes to Sedjet, the Fire God, to receive punishment. however, as a divine being due to his blessings, he cannot die from fire (MARY SUE ALERT /j).

he is severely injured, though, earning permanent magic scars all over his body that reek of flames and intended death.

so, what does he do now, to step onto the gallows and rid his kingdom of his evil doings?

the King decides to put himself into eternal sleep (contrasting from the non-au theory that he didn’t intend to sleep for a couple thousand years lmao). he curses himself a flower called the sleeping lily, shutting down his body and sending him into what is essentially a magic coma. he cannot be woken up, unless the lily is destroyed (causing him immense pain), or his living conscience is taken over. the way the curse works is that he allows himself to only think— his intention is to suffer and think over everything he’s done, to rid his body and his kingdom of anymore of his madness and horrible intention.

he orders his kingdom to set a new ruler, and to seal him into a room where his flowers will be kept and connected to his immobilized body. combined with the heavy doors, the flower’s intense properties, and the now hidden key to the room, there is essentially no way to wake him up. the King has finally gotten his wish— he will do the same as Ode and never live again.

he earns the new nickname of the Sleeping King, the once proud and prominent ruler dissolving into nothing more than a mysterious legend and a locked room. again, it’s what he would’ve wanted, to lose everything he’d built up to.

now, present time! woohoo!

five thousand years later, the story now focuses on a young bard by the name of Peter (this is DJ in the au, it’s his first name). Peter is a necromancer bard who comes from a long line of.. oh, pyromancers. they’re not very happy he’s chosen a different route in magic. (this is based off my headcanon/theory that he’s the Lighthouse Keeper in pmcs, just for kicks n laughs lol)

they have dreams of being able to revive someone great, to be known as an important necromancer who’s skilled at what they do. he’s had a dream to revive those important to him, too, considering an incident from long ago when a face-stealing monster (hole punch, not derogatory) took his friends’ lives and nearly took theirs.

however, Peter has no opportunity to revive any great figures of the past— where in the world would he find someone, asking for a necromancer to try their skills and revive an ancient person fo the past?

he finds a scholar named Baker (ahhh prof the homosexual), who also happens to be obsessed with archeology and a certain dead figure in history that he has direct plans to revive and.. okay, on second thought, they find him sort of strange.

he wants to revive a dead pirate named Captain Ode, just a fantastical legend, to have him explain the entirety of his long-dead time. it could provide context for the backstory of the Sleeping King or perhaps the barren desert kingdom that once held the two figures of legend and wonder.

well, it works for Peter, considering they’ve got similar focuses, and they actually become friends! they’re besties now.

to practice the skills of an experienced necromancer, he goes around the world with Baker, the two practicing their skills and gradually collecting what little information they can scavenge for about the infamous pirate, now a shadow to the world’s past.

one day, though, things drastically change and pick up the pace. as they’re passing through a forest, known for its holiness and direct paths into the heavens, an angel falls down from heavens.

and not gracefully, as the fucker just like— *THUNK* hits the ground and doesn’t wake up.

now Peter (an inexperienced necromancer) and Baker (a wimpy scholar) are standing in front of an angel, pale and covered in feathers that fell off their small wings.

I think you can guess who this is, lol.

after taking the dead? unconscious? whatever angel to safety, they wake up. and instantly start freaking out, because through the jumble of words they’re spitting out, the two friends make out essentially:

they were walking through the heavens, guarding the clouds like usual, when the angels all around them began to panic and freak out. somehow, a monster with blades (scissors, not derogatory once again) had gotten in, and was now killing angels by slicing them in half and causing awful chaos all around.

at some point as they were running away, someone said a warning and shoved them from behind, breaking the magic barrier in the clouds and sending them falling all the way through the heavens to the vines to the canopies, and now onto the ground they were on.

so, essentially, this terrified angel going by the name of Cherub had just survived an attack from a monster and had fallen an impossible height onto earth, where they were now trapped. great.

they agree to take them into their care until they’re back to full health, and they’ll find a way to return them to the heavens— it’s safe to assume they’ll be in trouble for befriending a (literally) fallen angel.

the thing is, they don’t want to go back.

Peter and Baker are confused until they elaborate. recently, Cherub has taken up interest in a long-dead pirate by the name of Captain Ode. they’d already gotten punished for researching such a horrible, damned name in the heavens. he’d stolen the Marino, a precious artifact that was perhaps lost to time now, ruining any chance of letting those on earth to enter the heavens.

since they were so interested in Ode’s character, and that they held the belief he wasn’t as bad as the angels swore he was, they didn’t want to return to angry attendants who despised their growing opinions.

they proceed to ask if they can join them in adventuring, and their quest to revive Ode for answers of everything— they’ve always wanted to see the world.

with even more opportunity for information on a silence figure of the past, they accept them into their party. together, Peter, Baker, and now Cherub set off into the wide world of fantasy, still searching for an answer on the Pirate of Dreams and the Sleeping King.

the three become close friends, stringing quite tightly together that there is no room for anyone else— it’s just Peter, Baker, and Cherub against the world’s judgement, adventuring and fighting monsters and studying dead people.

which messes with a lonely Ken, a sea captain (Sea Captain) who considers himself ‘friends’ with the three. he isn’t sure where he stands in their relationship— he believes that all he is is a figure of transportation, boating them across oceans and supporting their adventures despite his buried jealousy and growing sadness.

he oh-so-wishes he could be part of their world. Ken wishes he could show his unused swordfighting abilities, be able to research whatever legend they’re investigating, join them and be considered an actual friend.

but, every time he asks, the three worried adventurers always say that they’re afraid he won’t be safe enough to come with them. he technically doesn’t own a sword he knows how to wield (why did he choose such a specific weapon..?), and they would hate for him to perish on a certain adventure. besides, they were scared, thinking about how he wasn’t adapted to the environments they’d been in— would he actually survive if he came along?

and every time, Ken’s pleas are refused. when will he ever get his wishes, to be part of them? to be as esteemed as Ode, the seafarer they’ve been researching?

but those are childish dreams, he tells himself. he knows he will never be important to them.

so Ken spends his days, sailing the ocean, wondering what his purpose is when his former purpose was nothing more than expectant ramblings. he’ll never be an adventurer, and he knows this.

the first section of this story is spent detailing Ken’s issues with his loneliness and yearn, and detailing the adventures our three journeyers are going about on, leading up to the true plot of the story.

Baker comes to find information that there is an ancient city deep in the desert, a kingdom of forgotten dreams and necromancers. as Peter is a necromancer bard and likes gathering crowds to their music, a small city full of necromancers is his place to be.

it’s also confirmed by Cherub that this is the assumed kingdom where the Sleeping King resides, the only ‘living’ person left who knows the location of Ode’s body. is he exactly alive, though, they’re not sure.

all they have to do is wake up the basically-fictional-at-this-point King, and they’ll be on their way to getting their precious answers about the history of the ancient times.

also, by this point, the strange party the three have created has taken up a name. they call themselves the Sun Keepers. (this is essentially a way to stop saying “the three” “them” “the group”).

the Sun Keepers head to the Sandcastle Kingdom (YES THIS IS A REFERENCE), asking the long-time residents where to find the Sleeping King. but for some reason, they get ridiculed and laughed at.

one of the residents elaborates that there is no way to find him, because his chambers were magically sealed with the only key that could open them. really, no one knew where the keeper of the key was, or even if she was still alive, narrowing down their chances of ever meeting the Sleeping King in general. woah, plot shit.

their journey takes a brand new turn when they go out, searching everywhere they know for the key that could lead them to the Sleeping King and then Ode.

eventually, more “oh HELL YEAH” plot shit happens where they have to duel the keeper in a battle of wits for the key. Baker’s actually being put to use 😳 also CHERUB USES THEIR AXE. IN SOME OF THE SCENES HERE

once they have the key in their possession, they head to the Sandcastle Kingdom, ready to open the chambers of the Sleeping King after all eternity of slumber.

when they break open the doors, they discover they’ve forgotten the fact he can’t be awoken— considering that he’s spiritually and physically connected to quite a few sleeping lilies, it’s going to be very hard to wake up the, well, Sleeping King.

they attempt a few things (avoiding the last resort of cutting off the lilies and causing him pain) such as naturally trying to wake him up I.e shaking his shoulders, having Peter try to revive him with necromancy despite him being alive, and using heavenly methods to wake him up.

with no way to wake him up, they, downtrodden, leave and lock his chambers. despite all this, hope was not entirely lost, meaning they had to take a forbidden path as to not risk his life and kill the king.

Cherub finds a way to cast a spell that will temporarily allow them to ‘intrude’ his mind, aka just fucking with his thoughts to get him to wake up. it’s difficult at first, as there are no thoughts to be able to intrude (his mind is oddly empty), but they’re able to wake him up.

the sleeping lilies disconnect, he starts breathing again, and King Shroomses is once again awake.

things go VERY differently that expected. instead of standing up or speaking or doing anything, he’s simply in shock and dumbfounded at the fact that he’s actually awake after thousands of years of thinking to himself, preserved in the ancient chambers of his palace.

he then says that he’s confused that two peasants and a divine being had woken him up with no guards in sight— was this some kind of mistake?

the Sun Keepers explain that they’ve woken him up to find the location of Ode’s body, to resurrect him for answers of a pirate’s past.

knowing he was the one who despised Ode and executed him, they expected him to put up a fight and to protest against bringing him to life, he accepts, saying he’ll allow it.

Shroomses explains that he doesn’t care whether Ode is alive or dead at this point— he is nothing more than a legend of the past, and he has nothing to lose or gain from bringing him back to life. so, bringing the one he so awfully killed to fruition, it’s not wrong in his book in the slightest.

he also elaborates that Ode’s body is hidden in a large labyrinth from thousands of years ago. originally, before he had his downward spiral, he despised the thought of Ode returning to mortality, so he’d created this elaborate prison for his body so no one could find him.

their goal won’t be easy to reach if they’re literally going to have to fight tooth and nail to get to the bones of a dead pirate. it’s really sucky for them that, now that Shroomses doesn’t care about whether he’s dead or alive anymore, there’s no reason for the labyrinth to be there.

he lends them a couple things to aid them in their journey, hands them the key to open the labyrinth, and wishes them off.

Shroomses also passes over the old clothing of Ode, his trustworthy, recognizable coat. if he’s going to be alive again, he may as well have the clothes he’s always worn.

he doesn’t even bother to leave the room or follow them or greet anyone— he simply sits back down into his ancient throne, amongst the dead sleeping lilies, and thinks about things for the first time in a long while.

with their road rocky, the Sun Keepers nervously set off to achieve what they’ve come for.

Ode, the Pirate of Dreams, soon to breathe the air of life once again.

(also, if you’re thinking they could’ve asked Shroomses about the past, they were specifically looking for Ode’s insight, as he traveled everywhere and Shroomses did not.)

the trip isn’t easy in the slightest at all— the three risk death and peril as they make their way through the endless structure, holding the bones of the dead man somewhere in its hands.

the worst part is is that they don’t know his location in this maze— it’s a mystery to where his bones might be hiding. good thing Baker has a shovel, though.

and Peter’s afraid to tell his friends that they might not be able to fully/actually revive Ode. they might not be strong or magically potent enough to bring the body of an ancient, ancient man back to life and somehow reverse its decay so the body is all back together.

hopefully, this won’t all go to hell and be for nothing. right?

after hours of staving off the magic of the labyrinth, a defense system to keep out people like them, they’re finally at the end of their path.

a small, simple room, with a grave marked with Ode’s name.

Peter casts the spell. at first, it’s messy— there’s blood, there’s guts, there’s things he wished he hadn’t seen.

but Ode walks again. he’s, surprisingly, acting normal— unlike Shroomses, who sat there for at least thirty seconds processing his existence.

they give him his coat, and now he’s in the full, depicted appearance of himself— the Pirate of Dreams, with his red spots and his blue coat.

he asks who they are, and the Sun Keepers explain just that. Peter, the young necromancer who’d just revived him. Baker, a scholar who’s been waiting to ask him so many questions. And Cherub, a fallen angel who’s been adventuring with them.

Now that he knows who they are, he nonchalantly agrees to teaching them everything he knows. although he is ruffled his peaceful deaths was interrupted, they’ve come this far to learn about him.

Ode doesn’t exactly have any opinion on this— besides, he’s got nothing better to do.

they depart together with small talk and no fanfare.

the four spend the next months learning all about the pirate. Ode does as they say and gives up everything he’s ever seen and learned. Ransacked ships, treasure islands, dead kingdoms of the past, everything an adventuring pirate would see on their travels.

they learn everything he’s been holding onto, the sights he’s taken in and the world he’s experienced.

every word out his mouth is written down and stored away for reference, everything now a symbol of the life he lived before his execution.

Ode bonds with the three, learning about them too and how they all met— even if it’s not an equal exchange, he still finds it usefully interesting.

finally, nothing’s left for them to learn. the three thank him profusely for his help.

he leaves with a simple goodbye to the three, off to apparently re-see the world in new eyes, walk on the modified land he’d ran across thousand of years ago.

the Sun Keepers know their lengthy, strenuous adventure is over now, but they’ve grown so close to one another they can’t help but want to keep going in their futures together, journeying through lands untouched and keeping their reputation as reviving such a famous figure of the past.

everything is well.

of course, that’s what they think. they’re under the oblivious impression that Ode had been cooled down to an unbiased legend, happy to comply to anything.

they’re painfully wrong, because he hates them.

at first, Ode didn’t know who they were— he assumed they were random adventurers who didn’t understand who he really was, which was technically true.

but when they explained that King Shroomses had helped them, he understood who they were. they were evil. they were malicious people, working with the man who’d so shamelessly killed him without a single thought.

and he was offended by how much they used him. at first, when he rested in his grave and grew dormant, he was upset that he was wrongfully executed. but after time, he’d gotten used to the blissful silence and approaching eternity of sleep. it was peaceful, really— no more panic or anger or joy or sadness.

he was dead, and he was fine with that. and that was where he expected to stay.

until these things that held themselves so high revived him with their shitty magic and said they needed him for— what— writing a book or something?

Ode couldn’t believe they’d brought him back into life, overwhelming and miserable for him now, just to learn about them.

they so happily worked with the King he hated, treating him like he was nothing more than a project to be studied. actually, that was who he was to them!

Ode analyzed their behaviors and got them to give up the things they were so vulnerable with.

he was finding the best way to kill them.

they were clearly affected by the state of Shroomses’ deteriorating mindset, nothing more than arrogant adventurers who gave him bad purpose. if he killed them off, he could move onto his bigger goal— the King.

and then he’d finally be at rest.

he targets the Sun Keepers first. he hears they’ve gotten off a boat in a maritime town, so he heads there to find and quietly take their lives.

however, as he’s searching the area by the docks for the sight of a purple haired bard, a scholar in brown, and a small angel with an axe, he hears.. crying.

Ode’s torn. he can either find them and kill them, or he can find the person who sounds like they’re sobbing their eyes out.

he chooses the latter— as morally screwed as he is, he isn’t going to abandon whoever’s crying.

he then discovers the crying’s coming from the boat that he hears belonged to the Sun Keepers. either one of them has been separated, which is lucky for him, or they’ve hurt someone dearly, only adding to the reasons to despise their guts.

Ode finds a freckly sailor, clad in blue, crying very hard in the corner of the boat’s cabin.

he won’t leave them behind, so he sits down next to them and asks who they are.

they admit they’re confused someone’s actually talking to them, then explains that their name is Ken. he’s a sailor who’s friends with a very popular adventuring team, the Sun Keepers.

oh.

Ode mentions that he’s.. ‘looking’ for the three, which prompts Ken to immediately direct him towards them, but he refuses his offer— some foolish adventurers don’t matter when he’s in pain.

the sailor is still perplexed by how considerate he’s acting (even though he’s literally asking what his name is..?), apparently not being used to people so nice to him. it’s been a while since someone’s considered his feelings, boating around so many people around the world.

after a bit of coaxing from Ode, he eventually lets slip that he hates his life. he’s such a miserable, greedy person who’s overly jealous of everything about the Sun Keepers.

they won’t let him adventure because they think he’s too weak for it. they’ve got such strong relationships with one another that it’s painful to even watch them stand together. he’s been friends with Baker for so long, so why did it take so little time for him to be painted over with new friends?

he finally confesses that he wants to know just why they ignore him so much, what they’ve been doing that’s making him a ghost in their lives.

Ode painfully reveals how he’s technically the reason why— they’ve been searching for him.

he expects the downtrodden Sea Captain to retaliate or get angry with him, but all he does is sadly accept the truth. it’s really his fault he’s so obsessed with the three.

the pirate backs up his feelings and opinions, however— this isn’t normal behavior in a friendship. this is neglect on their part, and he is a pawn in their game of pathetic research.

he finally speaks up. he says he hates the Sun Keepers, because they’re working with the man who wrongfully killed him over a stupid grudge of his. and they support this! they brush over it like some kind of mistake!

Ken is horrified to hear this, now knowing the deeds of the ones he is now ashamed to call his friends. how could he have been so blind to their horrible tolerance?

and that’s not all— Ode had been revived only to be used for research. he was treated like a lab rat, being continuously squeezed for answers about the past and everything he could remember. it was torture to do it, working tirelessly to give them what he needed.

combined with the fact Ken was only needed just to boat them around (as assumed), they were used in different ways by the same people.

they’re so much worse than he thought, it’s realized.

then Ode asks him something he’d never expected to be offered— if he’d like to join him in killing the Sun Keepers and King Shroomses, to finish off the ones causing them both pain.

it’s a hesitant thought, but he finds it’s the only way to feel better. obviously, they don’t care enough to listen to his pleas to adventure or even be friendlier with them.

Ode promises he’ll never treat him as awfully as the two have been treated— he’ll genuinely be his friend in exchange for working together.

that day, Ken left behind his role as an unsatisfied way to ferry a ‘friend’ around, and he became the best thing he’s experienced—

a bad person. he’s tired of being good, he wants to do bad things.

now that his hunger to be so much better than his measly past self is only temporarily satiated, he’s ready to use those swordfighting abilities he’d left idle, and join Ode on his journey to kill the Sun Keepers and the King of the Desert.

the two set off on foot towards the Sun Keepers’ distant direction, ready to complete the first targets in their intertwined destinies.

-

anyways! that’s all I have so far. it might be kinda cringe but this au is legit one of my favs of any I’ve written from how interesting it is to me. I’m probably gonna update/make my better refs for all the important characters and post em :)

if you’ve gotten this far in this wall of text, thank for reading about this! it’s incomplete, but again thank you for giving it attention.

peace out 💜

[fisherfurbearer]

I would absolutely live to hear about Future Plans and heritage fruits! My partners and I are looking at buying a house by the end of the year and I'm so excited at the prospect of a back yard to fill with food plants and gardening and everything! So I'd love to know more about someone else's plans!!

mmMMMMMMMMMMMMMM YOU OPENED THE CAN OF WORMS THE WORMS ARE OPEN THEY ARE EVERYWHERE NOW!!!! OHHHHHHH JEEZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOTHING CAN STOP THIS!!!!

MMMMMM. I LOVE. DOMESTIC CROPS AND ANIMALS. SO MUCH.

SPECIFICALLY “heritage” varieties. The pre-industrial/commercial varieties that people lived on for hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of years, or even the stuff younger than that, it’s just...so!! Good!!!

You didn’t QUITE ask for this but this is where I’m going with it. I LOVE. LOVE. LOVE. The HISTORY of our domesticated crops (specifically fruits and vegetables, but mostly Tree Fruits!!!! But I’m also suuuuper partial to heirloom sweet potatoes/normal potatoes even though I don’t like the taste of sweet potatoes, they’re just SO FRICKING COOL and I want to learn more about other vegetables too) and animals is just....HOOOOO!!!!

Locally adapted,, perfect little....NUGGETS that just...perfectly fit their own SPECIFIC LITTLE NICHES...no matter WHERE you live, no matter HOW much space you have, no matter HOW good or bad your soil, NO MATTER WHAT, there is ALWAYS something to grow or raise, and we can thank so, so much of that to the incredible variety of heritage crops/animals (and methods of agriculture) out there. Mild, cold, hot! Lots of space, little space, no space!! Fertile, barren!! Every condition in every color and shape and flavor and size and ahhhhhhh!!!!! AHHHH!!!!

Hold onto your butts because this is one Hell of a Mega Ramble okay, there is so much to talk about here, oh man.

Some background, which you can skip if you want...!!! It’s a LOT and it get’s VERY NEGATIVE but also VERY GOOD AND HOPEFUL, it’s a real big story and it’s My Story and gives a lot of insight into Why I’m Like This but it’s okay to skip for sure!! Anyway:

I’ve been researching (i.e. writing literally 1.5-2k+ words nearly every single day) for literally 7 years now about all of my various Passions and Plans in life. Obviously breaks were taken due to Sad Times but no matter what I did, no matter what happened, I’d always come back to my dumb awful stupid notes. I have notes on my current laptop, my old harddrive, my SO’s laptop, my stepdad’s laptop, my SO’s OLD gaming laptop, my old netbook, my OLD OLD netbook, every phone I’ve had in the past 7 years (which has been like uhh...five? I have bad luck with phones..) and COUNTLESS pieces of paper and cheap composition books.

To call it research, it seems to silly. Writing these words here, to you strangers on the internet, I CANNOT EXPRESS TO YOU how VITAL these notes are to my VERY EXISTANCE.

I have been researching and writing and talking to folks and asking questions and LIVING AND BREATHING this stuff for LITERALLY, LITERALLY HUNDREDS AND HUNDREDS if not ALMOST A THOUSAND OR MORE HOURS at this point!!!! If we were to actually SOMEHOW backtrack all the way to late 8th grade/freshman year when I first started dipping my toes into reptiles and fell in love with my first jumping spider that landed on my arm after I read Darren Shan’s Cirque Du Freak, after being so fascinated by the intelligent giant magic tarantula in the first book, and gathered ALL of my notes from then to NOW (I’m 21 now, if I was in college, I’d be graduating next May) it would EASILY surpass that. For YEARS in high school my family thought I was always playing games on my laptop, but really from the moment I got home to the moment I went to bed, I was watching lets plays with one side of the screen and reading, reading, reading, and writing, writing, writing with the other. For HOURS. Every. Single. Day.

Hell, this has been my most recent “Renaissance” of writing, after The Big Realization of earlier this year (I’ll get to that), and this is AFTER I went on a horrible depressed/manic rampage and deleted like 80% of my notes (that would have been from...hmm. This is what I didn’t delete, what Jessie recovered, and what I’ve added...so March to Early September, when Jessie switched my notes to a new program (I lost a lot of notes from lack of autosaving so now they’re on our nextcloud so I can’t lose them...but I’m too stubborn to use it still) and this is still like. A lot.

Keep in mind the average 10-11 kb file is 1500-1700 words for me. My biggest files (only of the ones I still have, on this laptop) are 40-60 kb. (Also these are Big Secrets that I don’t ever show anyone but Jessie, who I’ve been with now for almost 7 years, so this is pretty dang important to me and a big thing to be revealing.)

Current folder I’m usually saving to:

Nextcloud I don’t bother to use usually but probably should use:

Again, this is ONLY on my newest laptop, and this DOESN’T include the files I deleted a few months ago, nor the files I lost from February-early April after Jessie updated my computer and wiped my files, and I still have a BUTTLOAD left on my old harddrive from last year, but we never moved it up and I don’t feel a need to. (I’ve learned so much. So. Much. In the past year. I think I’ve matured a lot and really become more...Me. But I’ll get to that.)

Also doesn’t include the SEVERAL notebooks I’ve filled front to back this year (cheap $0.50 ones from work...I’ve blown through a couple biggish ones and I think 2-3 little quarter-size memo books) and all the receipt papers I have crammed into my work uniform...

But anyway why is this important? It really helps iron in just how HUGE this is to me. My future “Plans” aren’t just...it’s really important to me. Okay? I am but a humble stranger on the internet and my life and everyone elses’ respective lives are infinitely more complex than we can ever dare imagine one anothers’ existences to be, but just trust me when I say that I’m not pulling this from nowhere, this shit isn’t some sort of “fad” to me, this has been a long, long series of events and realizations and heartbreaks and so, so much pain that have finally led to everything kinda falling into place sometime this year where it hit me.

You see...all of my research topics followed a pattern. It went, in my rough memory, something like this.

It started with reptiles. Lots of reptiles. So many reptiles. I was so naive and young then and my sources sucked and I was very much a novice who dreamed of owning all sorts of cool reptiles when I got older, and of getting a gecko when I went to college. That was how it started and it went downhill from there. I branched off into gardening (I wanted and still want a blue tongue skink and had thoughts about how I’d grow a garden for vegetables and squashes and stuff for the skink and feeder insects) and THAT grew into this whole THING about raised bed gardening, square foot gardening, then into permaculture, which planted the seed for many things to come...and now I’ve ALWAYS LOVED BIRDS,, but when I learned that keeping CHICKENS was a thing (thank you Jennifer (Nambroth)!!!!!!!!!! Our emails back and forth are still saved forever, our talks about chickens changed my life and way of thinking Forever!!!) and I researched that, then I’d jump back to reptiles again, and back to chickens, then more reptiles, then chickens and QUAIL, or OTHER poultry,, and so on and so on. This beautiful fluid branching path that would always rebound on itself and I’d drop some topics, gain new ones, revisit old ones, learn what I liked, what I didn’t like, what were brief interests, and what were there to stay.

Some topics (chickens, new caledonian geckos, antaresia pythons, tarantulas, gardening...) would always come back. No matter what I did...they came back. As I grew as a person, I started to figure out what was important to me (CONSERVATION, animal welfare, reptile/invertebrate enrichment, vivarium design, combining art with animals, and did I mention CONSERVATION? and combating climate change/The World but that came later.) and while some of those points didn’t show up in my research until later...like my obsession with native wildlife/plants and domestic species...it never went away.

And as I grew older, outside of my research life went on, and I really went through A Lot in these seven years. Undiagnosed anxiety/depression all through high school, practically living in the guidance office junior/senior year, dealing with an emotionally abusive and animal abuser teacher for many years, living with my emotionally abusive/narcissistic mother, and eventually going to an amazing art college and having both the best and worst time of my life (Hahah!! Almost straight As and skipped a writing class with my amazing scores and was top of my class, Dean’s list first semester, in the Visionary Women’s Honors society, worked in the admissions office and did lots of cool things, but hahaha also really wanted to die and was Destroying Myself) and trying to get help while keeping it a secret from my mom...lo and behold of course she eventually found out about the Depression when I had to go inpatient near the end of my second semester, and she. HA, I can’t even cry about this anymore. She literally disowned me (took all my money, sold my car, cut me off of health insurance, made me pay my own hospital bills, refused to do my FAFSA for college anymore, dropped all support, and later when I had to come home because I relapsed again and the college made me go on a medical leave of absense, she threatened to kick me out and call the police [hilariously enough though the house was owned by my stepdad, not her, so she couldn’t do anything. Also I never did anything to her and she was just crazy and made up excuses. But yeah not fun trying to walk to work and being threatened over the phone that she was going to have me dragged out of work by the cops and not to come home, hahaha!!!!!! But then also when I did live with my neighbor for a few days she was apparently so distraught?? Haha what a weird person!!!! I haven’t seen her for three years now and it’s been the best thing that ever happened to me. Don’t mourn for me, it’s SO Much better now. Speaking of, she was a PETA-hugging ARA nutjob and if she knew what I was planning on doing she would’ve disowned me either way!!!!!!), and of course fighting to be able to move out and rent an apartment with my SO (I hate the word boyfriend. It’s been 7 years come January 11th, and we’ve been through so fucking much. And she [my mom...] and other people always made fun of him being my BOYFRIEND that that word is tainted for me...so Significant Other it is) and then being forced to live alone there for a couple months,, and then even after that, the fights with his family, the car accident in November, my mom ruining all chances of me going to college (keep in mind I had after leaving college, spent the next TWO AND A HALF FUCKING YEARS OF MY LIFE trying to make it so I COULD go back, spent all of my time, energy, hope, eVERY OUNCE OF MY BEING trying to do so,,, and she manipulated me and then lied to me and made it so I couldn’t), my rebounding depression, my Intensifying Aggression (terrifying. Developed when I was in college...I guess it’s some kind of rapid bipolar disorder, maybe triggered by me going on antidepressants in college, they said. But it was so long ago and they never knew the full story for a proper diagnosis anyway. But it’s gotten manageable and We’re Coping), the housefire on Christmas, moving Once Again to the new place and being told I can’t bring my 15 year old cat (he’s with my stepdad still now but it’s not okay.), the rats have to be in the basement, and oh yeah if you want to attend college again loans will be nearly 13% interest hahaha!!! and then finally just straight up breaking down in February and not leaving bed for DAYS and nearly committing suicide, just the real worst time ever, and my former therapist/psychiatrist place weren’t responding (turns out they discharged me!! haha kinda hard to make appointments WHEN YOU DON’T PICK UP THE PHONE and we DIDN’T GET THE NOTICE IN THE MAIL because our HOUSE WAS CONDEMNED and my mail was being sent to my STEPDADS an hour away!!!!!!!! Also really hard to talk to you when you BLOCK OUR FUCKING NUMBER and HANG UP ever time we fucking call haha!!!!!! Literally on the verge of suicide and not on my anxiety meds for MONTHS but hey sure that works too guys!!!!) which really didn’t help, and yeah it was really just the pits! Just the absolute pits, the Very Worst.

Now at this point I don’t remember exactly when/what changed, but SOMETHING did.

Leading up to February, I wanna say it was about October that I started getting kinda weirdly depressed, and I started REALLY tanking after the fire. After the fire, I had to move back to my stepdads within the night, and had to live without Jessie again and commute really far and keep the tarantulas a secret and in general be very alone and very sad. I started wearing down and it was getting so hard to just...enjoy. Anything. Even just taking care of the pets became difficult, and doing art or researching was impossible. I just...didn’t care anymore. I stopped caring.

On top of that, my climate grief and general feelings of Despair were at an all time high, and I just didn’t. Fucking. CARE. What happened next.

I spent YEARS of my life WEARING MYSELF TO THE BONE trying to get into college, the get back into college, to just try to do this thing that I was supposed to do, my ONE hope of having a career and a future that I probably wouldn’t even be happy with (I was an illustration major. I liked drawing. It’s what I was best at. But looking back, I wouldn’t have been happy doing it for a living. And Moore [no that’s not what my blog is named for, it just also happens to be my last name] was a great college but it just...wasn’t worth $30k a year with no cosigner for loans, even AFTER my scholarships) and my body and mind were wearing down and no matter what I did I didn’t care about myself, my animals, my partner, my life, nothing. I can’t explain how terrifying that is. Of all the time in my life, I think this was the worst. On top of my life problems, it must be said again that my climate grief and Misery regarding the state of our country and the world was also at an all-time-high, and I just felt...POWERLESS. Powerless and empty and uncaring and dead inside. I really wanted to just...drive off a bridge or eat a ton of pills (which I did do a couple times, don’t do that. Please. It’s NOT worth it.) and just stop Existing.

But then something just...changed.

I don’t know what it was, exactly. But I got SOMETHING back. SOMETHING “clicked”.

I’m crying a bit now. It’s so stupid to say, but I truly believe this is what saved my life. Realizing my purpose in life. That everything fell into place and finally made sense.

I’m going to be a bit more concise here but...basically...many of my passions and smaller aspects of myself all fell into place, so PERFECTLY.

It hit me that...ah jeez.

I will digress one more second. For those of you who don’t know, I have two Eurydactylodes geckos, named Vladimir (E. vieiliardi) and Estragon (E. agricolae). They are named for my favorite drama that we read in AP English, Waiting for Godot. It’s an aburdist theater play about two men who wait under a tree for someone (we don’t know who, just that his name is Godot) and that’s about it. Everyone had a lot of different things to say about that weird little book, but my take on it was that it’s supposed to be what happens to two men when they lack a “purpose” in life. Existentialism, and all that. They sit there and sit there and completely lose themselves just WAITING for this guy that they don’t even remember, they don’t even know why they’re there, and they do nothing to try and change that. The difference between existentialism and absurdism, however, is that absurdism specifically discusses this idea of a Chaotic Universe, this Lack of Meaning, this pointless quest of humanity to seek value and meaning in a universe without reason. It’s a fruitless effort, it’s Absurd! But the beauty of absurdism, this tiny idea that stayed with me in the goofy names of my geckos (I chose the names because I thought the play was amusing and I loved the characters’ relationship, which is Quite Gay and so Loving and Charming it warms my heart, and I loved that they called each other “Didi” and “Gogo”) and really held true to my own life. I DO NOT believe that THIS is why this change happened for me, but it’s ironic, no?

Back to Absurdism, Absurdism says... “here is this meaningless, Chaotic, RIDICULOUS universe. There is NO reason for ANYTHING, there NEVER will be, you DO NOT MATTER, you DO NOT HAVE A PLACE HERE. There is NO POINT to anything. So fuck it, and try to find one anyway.”

My original therapist did not understand why I found this so wonderful and inspiring. It’s so rebellious and selfish, I LOVE IT. To embrace the Absurd is to take the bull by the horns and flip it upside down! It’s to stare all of this dreadful pointlessness in the Void, and when it says “Why bother? Why care about these insignificant invertebrates? These ridiculous reptiles? These ABSURD apples???” and flip the bird both hands and say “BECAUSE I WANT TO, BECAUSE I SAID SO, BECAUSE I AM HUMAN, AND I CAN!!!” It’s...also more than that, it’s this long, defiant lifelong journey, this stupid, ridiculous journey of fumbling about trying to find one’s place in a cruel, vast world, and finding oneself in that journey.

I love people. I love the ABSURDITY of humanity, of people, of myself, of others. A Huge part of my Future Plans has to do with People, and Community, and Changing my little patch of the world. It’s not much in the grand scheme of things, but I know it can make a difference to someone and myself and that’s what matters.

Anyway back to the Clickening.

Around that time I had a moment like that. It was as if something in my mind was screaming at me, listen. You are here, and you have always been here to love animals, to love life, to make art, to tell stories with your art, to raise little sheeps.

And like that, it started Something.

I agreed to go to a local doctor, and was put on antidepressants. I’ve been on them since late February. I also got accommodations for work, so I have two excused absenses due to mental illness each month, which was good, because they tried to fire me 4 times now and they haven’t succeeded yet. (I’m DAMN GOOD at what I do, I’m just Sad and Unlucky and Dumb, but I’m doing a lot better now!!) I started taking all of the things I learned in the past many years and what I’ve learned about myself as a person (I won’t talk about it here but I’ve always struggled with my Identity [not gender wise, just...with my mental health and my mood disorder, it’s really hard to know What is ME and What’s The Illness) and it all started falling into place. My needle felting, my love for animals, conserving native wildlife AND heritage breeds with restoration grazing and positive impact forestry, utilizing my Overwhelming Charisma (in person I swear I’m quite a good talker! Way better than my typing here!) for education, outreach, and farmers market sales, my love for life and my fellow human beings and my plans to work hard to help feed my local communities and encourage sustainable agriculture and the dismantlemant of capitalism Love of our native wilds and backyards alike (I also have Big Thoughts about getting native peoples input as well, but I need to research that more and actually talk to people, but that would be in future years!!), and so, so many things!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That started in late February/early March now, and since then I’ve still had Really bad times, but I’d say in the past mmmmm...probably since late July? I think yeah since about then things have really taken great turns. I’ve Matured a lot, really embraced who I am and what I want to do, and while I KNOW my plans are going to keep changing over time (tentative goal is to look for/buy our property in 2025!! That gives us 5 years post-graduation to settle down and see how things go, where Jessie will be working, where we’ll be living, how my mind changes, all of that!!) but I KNOW in my BONES in my SOUL that this is what I have always been meant to do. To raise things, grow things, and to Care.

ANYWAY WOW HAHAHA YOU SURE DIDN’T ASK FOR ALL THAT BUT THERE YA GO THERE’S THE BACKSTORY, THE FIRST HALF OF THE WORMS!!!!!!

TL;DR: I’m a sad sap who is now slightly less sad and has Big Plans that were 7 years+ in the making and I want to take all my Big Thoughts about exotic welfare (well, reptiles and spiders mostly, but sure) and also apply it to DOMESTIC welfare and Make a Dang Difference!!!!

Okay now I’ve become very burnt out, I’ve been writing for like two hours now? So this part will sadly be shorter, but I will definitely write more about it again if you or anyone else has questions or actually wants to hear about it.

Basically...the amount of These Plans that I am willing to let you folks know, is uhh...oh jeez where do I even begin, haha...

Well it started small plans (early years of research, when I used to think a small greenhouse was Super Wild and Crazy) but nah bruh we goin’ full hog, literally. My plans are to get a decent sized property, still in my state, and have a HUGE focus on Sustainability and Positive Grazing/Management! That means rotational grazing to IMPROVE soils!!! Thinning the woodlot and clearing brush for the HEALTH of the forest!!! Reintroducing blight-resistant american chestnuts to restore our forests and support a healthy wildlife population!!!! Using both honeybees AND cultivated native bees [did you know that’s a thing???? You can buy native bee cocoons, like raised humanely, and raise them for pollinating plants!! Like Orchards!!] and grazing pastured pigs and chickens under orchard trees, while also providing BUTTLOADS of native flowers and domestic tree blossoms for native pollinators!! All that great stuff.

My biggest focuses would be raising practical heritage livestock for sustainable agriculture and conserving heritage fruit trees, with a focus on apples and pears. I also want to grow a lot of mutually beneficial/low-impact perennial resources...think honey, maple syrup, nut trees, stuff like that! And I want to graze on pastures with native grasses and locality-specific wildflowers (check out Ernst Seeds, especially if you live in/near PA like I do!! Wow it’s so frickin’ cool) and focus on northern european short-tailed sheep (finnsheep, gotland, icelandic, leader, shetland, and soay) and small landrace American hogs (american guinea hog, ossabaw island hog) and the more recent but so full of potential idaho pasture pig. I also want to raise icelandic landrace chickens for utility (parasite/pest management, composting), conservation, and eggs. I also want to raise rabbits (silver fox crosses for meat, and french angora crosses for fiber! I have a dream of producing high quality tri color angora for spinners...three colors on one animal, and I want them to be especially great for fiber artists who want to raise their own fiber animals but don’t have a ton of space) and I have BIG orchard plans...SO MANY ORCHARD PLANS, HHHHHOOO YES....SO GOOD...also COPPICE WITH STANDARDS and FORESTRY and HOO YES!!!!! I LOVE SOME GOOD OL FORESTRY!!!

I think the best way to describe my current plans standings is that it seperates into a couple different “zones”, for my Current Ideas. This has taken months and so many countless hours of thinking, researching, and ironing out, and I’ve made so much headway in just this past week, but basically imagine this...

It’s mostly split into two pastures, the orchard, and the woodlot.

PASTURE 1

Pasture 1 would be the largest, where we would rotationally graze two primary groups of ruminants. Polled NES-T sheep (finnsheep/gotland) and horned sheep (icelandic/leader) with dairy cows (dutch belted) as well. Dutch belted for milk and specifically cheese production, and they would be grazed in front with the icelandics to help take care of the taller grasses that the sheep would avoid, and help keep the sheep a bit safer. All would be guarded by livestock guardian dogs. Group #1 of the icelandic chickens would be grazed behind them, to help break up manure and disrupt parasite cycles.

Pasture itself would be mostly a big bluestem/little bluestem/indian grass/switchgrass mix, with a good variety of livestock-safe wildflowers (small portion being nitrogen-fixers like tick trefoils and pasture pea) and seed-producing flowers for birds (wild birds and our birds!). Would be rotationally grazed 1-2 days at a time (avg. 3-4 days total) with a 21-35+ day rest period. Polled NES-T sheep would be moved to “silvopasture” (copse with standards, a portion of the woodlot, with coppiced trees for fuelwood/timber interspersed with standard-sized mast producting trees [would double as nut and persimmon orchard, and hog foraging in fall/winter!!!]) in the summer to help them deal with the heat. Summer would be the best time, as it’s after the spring predator pressure and before the acorns fall, which could be bad for them if they ingest too many. Rams and hogs would otherwise graze this land with much longer rest periods otherwise (more like 30-45 days or so).

PASTURE 2

Smaller pasture with similar planting, arranged ‘paddock paradise’ style for a small group of icelandic horses (SO GOOD, and useful!! Little horse hooves are much kinder to the forest than a UTV, and herding on horseback is less stressful for the livestock) and rotationally grazed shetland and soay sheep. Pretty simple, but important. Would also contain Icelandic chicken group #2.

ORCHARD

Worthy of a novel all on it’s own. I want to grow semi-dwarf heritage fruit trees with the fruit drop type synced to the rotation of pastured hogs (idaho pasture pig, american guinea hog, ossabaw island hog) and group #3 of icelandic chickens. Hogs would be in orchard spring-fall, and in the copse with standards fall-early winter. Hogs and chickens would be moved to a holding area during rainy times to help preserve the orchard floor and during winter, where we would also have a large waste management/composting set up for them to root and turn to their hearts content. Should be a lot warmer than the outside in the winter too, and I plan on it being in a high tunnel/hoop house so its covered.

I am ALL ABOUT pairing livestock with crops and encouraging multi-purpose acreage in general, so this is definitely one of my FAVORITE plans so far, and every time I revisit it, it gets better. I also want to raise BEES (honeybees, mason bees, leafcutter bees!!!) for honey and pollination. I also want to plant BUTT-TONS of native flowers and goodies for pollinators, as well as lots of seed producing plants and sunflowers for the chickens to forage for by themselves. These would be some happy livestock, for sure.

WOODLOT

Another huge part of the plan is that I want at LEAST 1/3-1/2 of the property to be Woods. Only a small fraction of the Woods would be managed for livestock foraging and more frequent harvesting (still looking at a good 7-10 year coppice cycle though for trees) and the rest would still be tended to, with the help of the local forestry folks, but it would be preserved for wildlife and low-impact timber and nut/fruit/sap collection.

The VAST MAJORITY of the farm would be multi-purpose acreage for both livestock AND wildlife benefit (and people too of course) and I truly, truly believe and KNOW it can be done. In fact it HAS been done, IS being done, in so many different ways by so many different people in different times, and I know that I want to be a part of it and I can make a difference and use my weird passions for Good and make a dang difference.

Ohhh jeez I’m real sorry I didn’t quite answer your question though but I hope this gives a little insight into what I mean?? And if anyone has Specific questions after reading this (if you make it to the bottom, bless your cotton socks, I’m so proud and also distressed) I can definitely answer them a bit better than this. And hopefully much less...whatever this is, haha!!

[audreysjensens-blog]

central pines [elodie davis x reader] {part one}

heyyy lovelies! i just watched trinkets (please please pretty pleeeease go watch it it’s beyond good) and am in love w elodie’s character. i hope you guys like this one!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

fic playlist: 

bon iver - hey, ma

dead girl in the pool. - girl in red

banana clip - miguel

let it happen - tame impala (song parts 6:15 to 6:38)

overlap - catfish and the bottlemen

this baby don’t cry - k.flay

alligator - of monsters and men

It had been two and a half months since you’d arrived at Central Pines.

The food was okay, and the air conditioning was subpar. Since you hadn’t been too keen on going there in the first place, and your dad’s incessant emails weren’t going to end until you left, your newfound safe haven wasn’t exactly going to be something you cared too much about.

It was nestled in the outskirts of Portland, surrounding by hulking pine trees and dense forest, hiking trails close to overpowering the tiny rehabilitation camp.

Rehab, right, you reminded yourself. I’m in rehab.

The people were the only reason why you hadn’t left yet. Well, that, and your “family issues”, which is what the counselors had so fondly filed you under in their massive stack of patients.

Everyone seemed to be remotely friendly, and the people that you’d met had honestly made a decent impression on you. You’d leave if you were willing to jeopardize it, but going home wasn’t an option. Leaving meant getting caught, and getting caught meant that you’d have to go home. Plus, police, which was something you weren’t too happy to think about again.

You got up and out of bed, shaking out your messy Y/H/C curls and slipping your feet into your sandals. After your bed had been made (a small progression of what your counselors thought was a “good stride”), you took sleepy steps over to the closet and got changed for the day, finishing off your look with an embroidered jean jacket and a pair of loose slacks. You’d seen Booksmart a few weeks ago, and despite the fact that you loved the characters for who they were, you really goddamn wanted Amy’s jacket.

You looked to the other side of the room, barren with nothing to reveal any inpatients. Probably because you didn’t have a roommate. When you’d first gotten there, a girl named Safi was moving out, so there was no overlap between the two of you. You’d taken over your side, she’d left hers, and while your side was filled with posters of bands, movies, and corkboards with your friends’ photos, the other side contained peeling wallpaper and a sad-looking twin bed.

You checked your phone and saw that it was almost nine, which meant that you had to check in with Counselor Adams (or Tracey, depending on who you’d ask) before you could get any sort of breakfast. It was fine, because you’d rather die than go without your beloved coffee that came from Adams’s office, but you were kind of hungry. Regardless, you started making your way down the long dormitory hallways, seeing your peripheral friends getting ready for the day ahead and leaving their dorm doors open.

Adams’s office wasn’t the sort of place that made you feel like you were in an actual rehab center, but more like a therapist’s office, which you actually had grown to like. There were little photos of her family everywhere, along with comfy chairs, glowing twinkly lights, and tiny ceramic animals adorning the chair that sat opposite your couch.  Well, not your couch, but you didn’t really have anything else in this facility besides your belongings, and damn it if that old, overstuffed linen didn’t feel somewhat like home.

“Ahh, Little Miss Caffeine,” Tracey groaned, flopping down in her Frankenstein’d athletic ball/old couch chair. “My espresso hasn’t hit yet, but we still have a couple minutes. Keurig’s up and running.”

“Thank God,” you sighed in relief, shutting the door behind the two of you and going to tap what you wanted into the machine. “You still have that almond milk creamer?”

“How could I not?” Tracey chuckled, taking another sip from her mug. “I use so much of the Folgers original creamer that I’m on the toilet for days with diarrhea. You suggesting an alternative was quite literally the only thing saving me from a life of bathroom hell.”

You giggled then, letting your hot mug sit for a second before splashing in the Splenda and the creamer. “Oh, so we’re blaming the milk for it now, huh?”

“I refuse to believe it’s the caffeine,” Tracey said strongly, wild hand movements indicating her opinion. “If it is, I might go crazy trying new methods of waking up so early.”

You looked up at the clock, seeing that it was exactly 9 on the dot, and sat down on the couch, ready to start your session.

Tracey leaned forward, pushing a piece of her curly brown hair back behind her ear and adjusting her blazer and her Central Pines t-shirt. “So. Let’s talk. Weekly update?”

“Sure!” you said, swatting your hand over your drink to make sure it wouldn’t destroy your tongue upon the first sip. “So, I’m doing okay. I do a lot of hiking, and I went into town last week on the free day. Which was nice.” “Ugh, free days are the absolute best,” Tracey said, crossing her legs over her chair. “I remember when I used to go on them. I was obsessed with the coffee place at the end of the street that gave you those little donut things. I mean, it’s gone now, but, fuck, they were so amazing! Oh, sorry, keep going.”

You laughed again at her habit of constantly interrupting you, and kept going. “Well, uh, it’s been different here. I mean, I know you guys pretty well, but friends-wise, I don’t really have too many here. I think a lot of people kind of just want to keep themselves going while they’re here. Not like, I want to speak for them or anything. I don’t know what’s going on with the others, and I really hope they’re all doing well, but I don’t really know how to you know, bridge that gap. You know?”

Tracey’s face took on a slightly sad and concerned expression, and she leaned back in her chair, nodding at your statement. “I understand. It’s hard enough trying to make sure you’re okay, while also trying to reach out to others. I’m sure that people will come around. Everyone has their personal demons, and when you’re here, we can’t always fully stop them from amplifying. But there’s always outlets. If anything, come here if you’re feeling lonely. You know that I have an armory of snacks and food and conversation, and I’m sure people not reaching out isn’t anything to do with you. I promise.”

You felt tears sparking up in your eyes then, and you looked up at the positive sticky notes on the ceiling, trying to enunciate them in your head to give the tears time to go away. Tracey gave you a moment before speaking up again, this time in a gentler tone of voice.

“Everything’s going to be fine. In fact, you have a new roommate coming at the end of the day today.”

You snapped your head back down to meet Tracey’s eyes, your fidgeting hands ceasing the incessant folding and unfolding and folding of the cuffs of your jacket. You couldn’t help but feel the rush of hope and excitement a new person brought, but quickly shut down the feeling. It was probably someone who didn’t want to be bothered with you, let alone be as furtive as you were to make friends. Squash the hope, you told yourself, taking a deep breath before speaking.

“Really?” you said, trying to keep your voice level and break-free. “Are you allowed to… Tell me about them?”

“Sure! A little bit, at least,” Tracey said, reaching over and pulling a manila folder from beside her coffee table. She opened the folder, sliding out a packet or so before speaking.

“Okay, so her name’s Elodie. She’s coming here from a few towns over from you, and she’s going to be with us for a little while. Apparently her father and some other family’s helping her to move in. I haven’t met her yet, but John in admissions did, and he seemed to get a somewhat okay feeling from her. You know, people leaving their hometown and friends and all that, it’s not easy,” Tracey said, sliding the packet back into the folder and replacing it on the table. “At least, she has people here who get what it’s like.”

You poked your tongue in on the side of your cheek and took a deep breath, flattening out your pants with your palms. She was right.

“If you need someone to show her around other than John, whose niche TV show reference I’m sure she loves hearing, I’ll do it.”

The words left your mouth before you could take them back, and you felt almost like you were going to slap your palm against your head. What the fuck! I don’t wanna do that? Do I? What if she’s cute? Fuck! Stop! She’s probably not interested. It doesn’t matter. Ugh, this whole internal guilt thing blows-

“Really?” Tracey squealed, clasping her hands together in excitement. “I mean, I was hoping I could find someone that could show her around that wouldn’t say ‘Bazinga!’ every three seconds.”

A grin took over your face, and you stood up, turning to put your shoes back on and leave the carpeted room. It was officially 9:30, and the next person to be counseled was going to come in any second. “What time are they getting here?”

“Noon!” Tracey said, scarfing down her drink before her next patient. “Thank you so much again, kiddo. I really appreciate it.”

“No problem, man!” you said, shooting finger guns at her before internally cringing and kicking yourself for the weird ass motion.

You said goodbye to Tracey and headed to the cafeteria, sitting down in one of the worn wooden chairs with a Clif bar in front of you.

Hello, Elodie, you thought to yourself. At least you’ll have a cool roommate.

[doomedandstoned]

Cokegoat & Barren Heir Share Colossal Journey in New 12″ Split

~Doomed & Stoned Debuts~

I love it when we get to share something with you that feels truly massive, monumental, mammoth...you know, the many ways we try to say something is BIG.   I'm talking the new collaboration by COKEGOAT and BARREN HEIR, who this weekend will unveil their ambitious long-play split, 'Sunshine/Tracing Light' (2018). I trust those are new names to many of our readers, but if you're following the plot this far it's because you're an adventurous soul who likes making surprising new discoveries. Me, too! That's why I'm excited to bring you the latest offering from two bands I got to know while immersing myself in the Chicago scene during last year's Doomed & Stoned in Chicago compilation and this year's Chicago Doomed & Stoned Fest.

Cokegoat had me fooled by name alone. I thought, "Okay, this is another one of those sleazy Dopethrone types" -- a flavor of sludge I've come to savor in its own right. Instead, what I encountered was a six-member (!) crew that at left me searching for my words, a band that straddles the boundaries of possibility. Initially, Cokegoat have us dropping our guard with an introduction that signals avant-garde, then attacks with unrelenting rage framed within tight, sludge-touched compositions that put the many-faced collaborative on par with the great bands SUMAC and Neurosis.

Cokegoat said of their previous album, 'Drugs And Animals' (2016), "It’s trashy, it will get you fucked up, and you’ll probably wake up in a strange place needing a double dose of antibiotics." I love that description (and almost feel jealous they came up with it first), because I felt similarly disoriented by 'Sunshine.' Over the course of four interlocking tracks, I found myself as listener reconciling the juxtaposition of harsh lead vox with angelic backing vocals, driven by an obsessive beat, searing guitar leads, droning synths, and a vision that demands repeated spins to fully absorb it into the bloodstream.

On the flip side, we're introduced to the wiles of Barren Heir -- a band half the size, but packing no less a wallop. Equal parts grand and terrifying, you sense a horrifying struggle in the way Eddie Limperis delivers his lyrics, fittingly accompanied by Nick Larocco's frightening, machine-like drumming and guitarist David Kirsch's savvy blend of the savage and serene. Our burden is made bearable by the band's instinct for managing their content within the chassis of large-scale compositions. "Cathartic" comes most prominently to my mind as a description for the pummeling emotional trip I just took with the double dosing of 'Tracing Light.'

Straightaway, I played all six songs again, wanting to understand why I felt so profoundly affected by the whole experience. Taken as a whole, both sides of the new split represent an impressive compliment to one another and could convincingly be regarded as one piece of musical architecture. Smacks of triumph to me.

Today, Doomed & Stoned is pleased to bring you the entirety of 'Sunshine/Tracing Light' (2018), which Cokegoat and Barren Heir will formally release on Friday, June 29th. Currently, you can still pre-order the vinyl here.

Give ear...

Some Buzz:

On June 29th, 2018, doom-sludge metal bands Cokegoat and Barren Heir will release their new split album. The album consists of the four-part 'Sunshine' by Cokegoat and two-part 'Tracing Light' by Barren Heir.

From the city that can’t stop murdering its residents, comes part three in the history of Cokegoat. Told that they would not be able to retire from the band until year 10, band members embark on their latest offering. This split LP with Chicago’s mega trio Barren Heir, is a four-part, 18 minutes listen: 'Sunshine.' For a band that exudes none, 'Sunshine' has an underlying mission of self-control. Once again capturing the six individual elements of Cokegoat is Andy Nelson (Like Rats/Weekend Nachos) at Bricktop Recording in lovely Chicago. Jeremiah Klinger (Gregor Samsa/What We'll Be) synthesizers and Stephen Reichelt (Lost Dog/Morgue Supplier) double bass and vocals helped bring these 18 minutes to life. You may want to look directly at the sun while listening to this record.

Barren Heir is a power-trio out of Chicago ready to leave their niche on the scene. The official follow-up to their 2016 debut release 'Tired Turns' (2016), 'Tracing Light' is an experimental effort that defines their bleak brand of sludge/doom. Clocking in at over twenty minutes, this two-part track is a genre-bending opus that draws its influence across the spectrum, from blues and psychedelic to hardcore and black metal. 'Tracing Light' displays diverse styles of play ranging from the smooth and swanky to the primitive and disparaging, all strung-together and delivered at a decibel level somewhere between obnoxious and nauseating.

'Tracing Light' was engineered, produced, and mixed by Pete Grossman at Bricktop Recording and mastered by Carl Saff (Unsane, Red Fang) at Saff Mastering.   (Dewar PR)

Follow Cokegoat | Get Their Music

Follow Barren Heir | Get Their Music

[lareinecersei]

if you don't mind my asking, what is it about Jalsa that makes you despise it so? not that I don't love your roasting of it lol I'm just curious about what drove not just you but probably most of us to loathe the ship

I knew there were Jonsusan shippers before the show put thecharacters together, because people will ship Susan with literally everythingthat moves in this story, but it was a niche crackship. I ignore most crackships, but this one I started to hate, fueled by the fans being obnoxious. There were somemoments in the fandom after Jon/Susan reunited in s6:

-      When Jon and Susan were reunited in the show, people startedtearing down Arya and her connection to Jon, claiming Jon loved Susan just asmuch, if not more than Arya, and besides, Arya did not own Jon, and now I guessSusan is the most important character in Jon’s life…

-      Then, when Jon became King, the fandom exploded and this wholemess of a ship really took on, because Susan had to become queen at any cost,even if Arya, Bran and even Jon had to be sacrificed. Most people motivated itwith “Susan deserves someone good”, but when people pointed out thatJon also deserves someone good and he has a type, and it’s not Susan, it’swomen who are less traditionally feminine, they responded that Jon pickingSusan would be a sign that he grew up and became more mature, and I remembergetting mad and posting this:

I’m sorry (well, I’m not) but when you say Jon shouldlearn to appreciate “feminine strength” and you associate him growing out ofhis attraction to non-feminine girls with him “growing up”, what I hear is thatfeminine girls are superior to the rest, that only immature boys can lovenon-feminine women, whom they should discard when they grow up, in favor of“feminine, inner strength”, or that non feminine women must change and becomemore feminine in order to be loved. 

-      After that, the first leaks started toappear, speaking about Jonerys, and that’s when they started demonizingDaenerys, calling her a terrible villain Jon could never love, saying that Jonwould never choose Daenerys because she is barren, and obviously Susan is theonly working womb in Westeros, and I was baffled how misogynistic the wholediscourse was. Only this week, Daenerys has been called a “demon”, someone saidshe bragged about being raped, that she is a bad victim, unlike Susan, andthere is an entire analysis on how she has crazy eyes when she meets with Jon.

-      Then, the infertility/childfreediscourse moved towards Bran and Arya as well, with misogynistic and ableistcomments. This whole fandom has an obsession with child making, I swear toGod, I’ve seen posts where they suggest Jon and Susan have babies out of duty.

Also, these attitudes: 

-      Jonsusan is based on Arya andBran (and book Rickon) being shoved aside and it’s not ok.

-      In order to make Jonsusan work,they steal so much from Arya and Daenerys it’s almost funny.

-      This whole Madonna-whore complex,where Susan is a flawless angel and Daenerys is the worst thing that happenedto Westeros since the last Other invasion.

-      Their so- called parallels withNed and Cat are disrespectful to the characters, Ned and Cat did not die forthis. Also, while Catelyn wasn’t abusive towards Jon, his memories of her arenot good, so I doubt he’ll ever be attracted to anyone who looks so much likeCat.

[chicagoindiecritics]

New from Every Movie Has a Lesson by Don Shanahan: COLUMN: The 10 Best Movies of 2019

Before talking about this year-end best list from one of the most back-loaded ones in recent memory, reflection is needed and a deep breath for the next decade to come.  I am forever proud of what I do. I wouldn’t chase all the press opportunities and commit the time into it if I didn’t. In 2019, a great deal of change came to me and this website of mine this past year.  I am forever proud of what I do.  

The critics group I helped found and co-direct, the Chicago Independent Film Critics Circle, rebranded into Chicago Indie Critics.  We celebrate our fourth annual awards this week and our industry reach and reputation grows every year. Best of all, it’s a pleasure to count my peers there as friends in the press row trenches.  It’s nice to share smiles and handshakes at every screening I can.

Speaking of professional standings, I answered a call for writers and began contributing for another website this year.  Since June, I’ve been providing film reviews for 25YL, short for 25 Years Later.  Founded by Andrew Grevas, what started as a Twin Peaks tribute site has turned into “all your obsession in one place” to cover a wide range of entertainment.  I became their first Rotten Tomatoes-approved film critic and have greatly enjoyed the new audience, increased exposure, and a chance to be a part of a bigger thing.

Here on Every Movie Has a Lesson, this was the first year the site has featured monetized ads.  I’m no longer doing all this for free, so thank you for dealing with the visual noise to help pay the bills.  Also, my site has been open to guest writers looking to get published. I was honored to help an astounding 44 writers get their work seen in 2019, including 21 Washington State University architecture graduate students with their movie-centered essays.  This school teacher couldn’t resist helping folks and I’ve enjoyed their content and contributions.      

Alright, let’s get to the scoreboard.  In all, I published “only” 94 film reviews in 2019, which is plenty, but down from 110 last year and my high mark of 126 in 2017.  I saw a dozen and a half more, but full-time school teachers, husbands, and dads like me only have so much free time to put 1000 words down every time.  Work-life balance, so to speak, is always a challenge, one that I aim to do better in the life direction. No matter, I think I’ve got 2019 figured out. Here are my picks for the ten best films of the year accompanied by, as always and true to my site’s namesake niche, their best life lesson:

THE 10 BEST MOVIES OF 2019 AND THEIR LESSONS

1. 1917

Full Review

I’m going to sound like an Olympic figure skating judge, but no film received higher technical marks on my scorecard in 2019 than Sam Mendes’ harrowing war thriller.  At the same time the filmmaking prowess captivated me, I was overwhelmingly swept up by the human elements as well creating a complete experience. Most people haven’t seen it yet and I cannot wait until you do.

BEST LESSON: WAR MUST BE ENDURED— All of those World War I combatants from over a century ago, including a family member of the Mendes lineage named in tribute during the end credits, may not be distinctly special or flush with a mythic history of certain destiny. Yet, what they endured was shattering and strengthening at the same time. The draw to see summoned bravery and weatherd tragedy in conflict will always be hugely magnetic. Rising with ambitious scale and a colossal level of enthrallment, 1917 will join cinema’s greatest exemplars of such captivation. 

2. Little Women

Full Review

Greta Gerwig took Louisa May Alcott’s seminal novel, something that could have easily been stiff and stale, and brought new spirit to it.  Yet, in doing so, she didn’t force anything. She didn’t shove showy modernity into faces, just for the sake of doing so. Her Little Women is a mainstream PG rarity.  The spirit she, the cast, and the artists brought was genuine, sumptuous, and vivacious.  What a marvelous achievement!

BEST LESSON: THE STRENGTH OF FAMILIAL LOVE — To borrow this time from the Greeks and a dollop of The Bible instead of the Fab Four, the level of “storge” love in this saga is exquisite. When family is in need, the annoyances and competitiveness of these sisters go away and bonds are renewed. As they say in the dialogue, “life is too short to be angry at sisters.” Once again, thanks to Gerwig’s tonal choices, you see it, plain as day, in the way the cast in character interacts. The emotional wreckage that results is incredibly genuine.

3. Marriage Story

Full Review

Neck and neck with Little Women comes the Netflix drama with the courage to bare truths from the maddening and draining process that is divorce.  Thanks to dynamite and Oscar-worthy lead performances from Scarlett Johansson and Adam Driver, heartstrings are plucked, tightened, and unraveled by Noah Baumbach’s deeply personal tale of resiliency.

BEST LESSON: WHAT WOULD YOU DO? — It is impossible to watch this movie and not have it be a barometer check towards your own relationship status and integrity. Regardless how much yearning desire floats every now and then in Marriage Story, this trauma recovery. Normally in movies like this, we see the indiscretion itself, then the collapse, ink hitting paper, and maybe a gavel banging for a suspenseful decision. Few films go in between and beyond those decision points to show the fractured orbits and restarts of continuing life with heart and honesty. There is blame to be shared, but you feel for both leads and wonder about yourself externally. That is a substantially powerful effect of this film.

4. Luce

Full Review

Until the awards season parade of November and December releases arrived, this was my #1 in the clubhouse coming out of the fall.  Even though this is a wildly fictious morality play stretched into the settings of cinema, this movie gave me, the school teacher, a jaw-dropping heart attack.  Between Luce and Waves, you need to keep an eye on Kelvin Harrison, Jr., a certain star for this new decade.  

BEST LESSON: VENDETTAS ARE PROBLEMATIC — Simmering behind classroom smiles, what the mounting drama of Luce becomes is a straight-up vendetta, one between teacher and student. The bloodless lines of bitterness fortify to hurt people and force chosen sides. This is a saint versus a monster, with little middle, and a guessing game of which one is really which. It’s a battle the actors sell without flaw.

5. Parasite

Full Review

I was better late than never to this party for the most talked about niche film of the year.  Leave it to a foreign director in the form of Korean Bong Joon-ho to blow our American minds with the sharpest social commentary of a film this year.  Parasite’s bottle film suspense comes from the smartest and most cunning premise and screenplay of the year.  Subtitle-haters, get over your hangup and see this movie.

BEST LESSON: THE DEFINITION OF “PARASITE”— When you dig into this title (as it digs into you), three variations of meaning present themselves: 

an organism that lives on or in an organism of another species, known as the host, from the body of which it obtains nutriment.

a person who receives support, advantage, or the like, from another or others without giving any useful or proper return, as one who lives on the hospitality of others.

(in ancient Greece) a person who received free meals in return for amusing or impudent conversation, flattering remarks, etc.

You read those definitions and wonder, gosh, which one of the three will this buzzed-about Korean film seize or probe. Big or small, any one of them could take a toll.  The staggering thing is, with many flourishes, Parasite, is all damn three of them, in twisted and overwhelming fashion.

6. The Peanut Butter Falcon

Full Review

The Peanut Butter Falcon was one of a few “Little Engines That Could For Me” this year.  I couldn’t be more pleased that this labor of love and offbeat road movie, starring Zach Gottshagen and Shia LeBeouf, has been able to find a sizable audience. There’s always one movie a year that becomes my top casual recommendation when people ask me for something that haven’t heard of that is simply a good time.  This is the one for 2019. This is independent filmmaking done right.

BEST LESSON: HAVE A GOOD STORY TO TELL WHEN YOU DIE — The Peanut Butter Falcon doesn’t just tell a good story. It tells a great one worthy of attention, praise, and undying appreciation. The purifying freedom that churns throughout this movie could cultivate even the most barren heart. This little lovable film is the kind of experience that makes one rethink how their own story is going. That is a mighty, motivating accomplishment for something that couldn’t stand out more from the usual summer blockbuster fare. 

7. The Farewell

Full Review

Plenty of critics like myself (though I try so often to say it other ways) will use the expression “through the wringer” often when it comes to weathering difficult or excitable experiences at the movies.  Well, no movie executed that as many ways this past year than Lulu Wang’s family dramedy. It’s got the comedic peaks and the dramatic ones that both crush with frank honesty and genuine love. The premise of this movie is the curveball of curveballs.

BEST LESSON: COULD YOU DO THIS WITHIN YOUR OWN FAMILY? — The crux of The Farewell makes for several of those soul-searching quiz questions every viewer must ask themselves in a film plot as specific as this one. Should, or even could, you carry on like this? To do so would be illegal in the U.S. Can you justify your position? How long could you live with or act out what everyone calls a “good lie?” Is there even such a thing? In this culture, it is characterized as the family carrying the emotional burden for the dying. Sure, but if you’re helping them, who’s healing your internal injuries of the heart living with that weight? How you answer these will inform your connection to this film straightaway.

8. Joker

Full Review

I found what has stood to be become the most polarizing movie of the year to be one of the year’s best.  Go ahead and judge me. Called a masterpiece by some and trash by others, I fall definitely on the high end with this maniacal comic book tangent.  Joaquin Phoenix was too good to ignore. On every level, I admire the sheer cajones of this blockbuster to pulverize us with kitchen sinks filled with cajones and questions. 

BEST LESSON: THE DEFINITION OF “GALL” — According to Dictionary.com, the four possible meanings of the noun span impudence, severity, bitterness of spirit, and rancor. To saunter a little cruder, which is fitting for the movie in play, the Urban Dictionary defines the word as audacity, balls, or something risky. Hot damn, Joker is each one of those descriptors from both sources and then some.

9. Jojo Rabbit

Full Review

Yes, it is categorically crazy to reach a point of embracing a movie about Nazis, but leave it to Taika Waititi to pull it off.  He imbues enough heart into this satire to present a transformation of wrongs into rights that is entertaining and affecting in its own way.  The filmmaker said he was making a movie of hope and love that could echo into our own present times. He did that with infinite panache without sacrificing hard reality.

BEST LESSON: WHEN ACTUALITY HITS — Using the word “reality” in this comical setting is leaping too far. Stick with actuality instead and just look at the objects and actions. Knives hurt people. Grenades explode. Soldiers die. War destroys. Germans are fallible. Jews are regular people too. When the wrongs and horrors of war arrive, the movie shifts. Jojo Rabbit swells and elevates beyond farce with this actuality.

10. Knives Out

Full Review

This will sound poster-quote cliche like that “wringer” sentiment over in The Farewell at #7, but Knives Out was flat-out the most entertaining film of the year for me.  To name-drop a film lower down the list, the second most entertaining and surprising one was The Man Who Killed Hitler and then The Bigfoot at #13.  Back ti Knives Out, my review says it all deeper and better than cliches, but Rian Johnson absolutely nailed subverting the murder mystery blueprint to create pitfalls of depravity and delight.  Everyone involved is clearly having a blast and we do too.

BEST LESSON: HOW TO SUBVERT AN ENTIRE GENRE — The trope-filled mechanics of most murder mysteries create an antagonist while Knives Out has you pining for the killer instead. In flipping the rooting interests from the pursuing authorities to the identified perpetrator, the dexterous filmmaker shifted goals and bolstered energy to a different gear. Where the typical pulse rate of this kind of story opens and ends with a bang between a tedious, saggy middle, Knives Out is all about that rich center. What an equally delectable and sinful treat it is!

SPECIAL MENTION: Apollo 11

Full Review

I don’t see as many documentaries as I should, and I don’t find it completely fair ranking them alongside feature narratives that have completely different purposes, crafts, and objectives. That said, the argument can be had that Apollo 11 was the best thing to touch a silver screen this year, no matter the discipline and genre.  Edited like a bullet from thousands of hours of content and tuned to IMAX perfection, this chronicle of the first lunar landing mission was incredible in every facet.  I’ll be the school teacher that sees every science student in the country needs to see this documentary.  

THE NEXT 10:

11. Clara

12. Booksmart

13. The Man Who Killed Hitler and then The Bigfoot

14. Us

15. Uncut Gems

16. The Two Popes

17. Waves

18. Ford v Ferrari

19. Ad Astra

20. Wild Rose

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[smokeybrandreviews]

Nineties Revival

We’ve reached that lull in my moviegoing life where the transition from summer chaos to heavy winter releases leaves the actual theaters with barren schlock. There are a few gems out there but august has become the new January in a sense, mostly because no one wants to f*ck with the juggernaut that is Marvel, and we get a lot of underperfoming or studio abandoned films that they just want out there. August is a weird month because, while the movie released around this time are all lower budget, filler experiences, they are usually the most original flicks released. It’s a double edged sword because, while i’m glad originality is being pushed, they often suck so much ass, you know? So while the cinema recuperates over this long few weeks, it gave me an opportunity to revist and visit, a few surprises from my childhood.

Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie

I predate Nicktoons by a few years so i remember a world when they didn't exist. I wasn’t a huge fan of the original fare but there were a few gems. Hey Arnold was easily my second favorite of the lot. This show was amazing. It follows Arnold and his adventures growing up in Hillwood. The show is rich with characters and they all have time to shine. The Jungle Movie is a fitting close to the world we lives in with these characters. It was a little bit of stretch plotwise, but i was happy Shortman got his well deserved resolution and that Helga, the sneak true protagonist of this show, finally got her football-head. If you can’t tell, Helga is my favorite characters and i shipped the two of them hard.

Rocko’s Modern Life: Static Cling

When i was a kid, i remember loving the hell out of Rocko. It was the second coming of that raunchy, spastic, unapologetic, smut from the old Ren and Stimpy show. That mess had got cancelled because the the creator was a pedophile dick who kept teenage sex slaves but that’s a different story. Rocko came in and kind of filled that niche for a few season and then was a gone. Some, what? 23 years later, Netflix dropped a revival and i was thoroughly surprised. The sow and it’s formulas has not aged well at all but it approached this revival trend with legitimate awareness and hubris. This is basically an indictment of the Millennial obsession with nostalgia with just a sprinkling of modern politics and i kind of dig it. This is definitely a Rocko episode, but it’s a Rocko episodes for all of those kids who watched back in the day, who are 23 years older now.

Invader Zim: Enter The Florpus

Zim is my, hands down, all-time favorite Nicktoon. As far as i’m concerned, it’s the greatest thing Nickelodeon has ever created and i was livid when it got cancelled, especially when i found out it was because they simply didn’t want to pay the animation bills. Like, f*ck you guys! I mean, Invder Zim is a classic and they abandoned it because of loot? Come on, the Hot Topic merchandise proves there’s an audience for this show. Thank god for Netflix because they swooped in and bought the rights to the Florpus flick we’ve been waiting on for what seems like decades. And that wait was worth. I loved Florpus. This was everything i ever wanted out of a Zim film. While The Jungle movie gave Arnold his deserved happy ending, Florpus pretends to hand Dib his own fairy tale ending, only to snatch it away in a very Zim way. It was truly glorious. This thing is beautifully animated, giving Zim it’s proper due with a myriad of techniques that range from the absurd to the adorable to the WTF, as Zim should be. Florpus was perfectly executed and told the store it wanted to tell. It never lags or overstays it’s welcome but it does make you yearn for a new series simply because, with today's advancement in technology, Zim would look spectacular and probably wouldn’t cost near as much as it used to.

[smokeybrand]

Nineties Revival

We’ve reached that lull in my moviegoing life where the transition from summer chaos to heavy winter releases leaves the actual theaters with barren schlock. There are a few gems out there but august has become the new January in a sense, mostly because no one wants to f*ck with the juggernaut that is Marvel, and we get a lot of underperfoming or studio abandoned films that they just want out there. August is a weird month because, while the movie released around this time are all lower budget, filler experiences, they are usually the most original flicks released. It’s a double edged sword because, while i’m glad originality is being pushed, they often suck so much ass, you know? So while the cinema recuperates over this long few weeks, it gave me an opportunity to revist and visit, a few surprises from my childhood.

Hey Arnold!: The Jungle Movie

I predate Nicktoons by a few years so i remember a world when they didn't exist. I wasn’t a huge fan of the original fare but there were a few gems. Hey Arnold was easily my second favorite of the lot. This show was amazing. It follows Arnold and his adventures growing up in Hillwood. The show is rich with characters and they all have time to shine. The Jungle Movie is a fitting close to the world we lives in with these characters. It was a little bit of stretch plotwise, but i was happy Shortman got his well deserved resolution and that Helga, the sneak true protagonist of this show, finally got her football-head. If you can’t tell, Helga is my favorite characters and i shipped the two of them hard.

Rocko’s Modern Life: Static Cling

When i was a kid, i remember loving the hell out of Rocko. It was the second coming of that raunchy, spastic, unapologetic, smut from the old Ren and Stimpy show. That mess had got cancelled because the the creator was a pedophile dick who kept teenage sex slaves but that’s a different story. Rocko came in and kind of filled that niche for a few season and then was a gone. Some, what? 23 years later, Netflix dropped a revival and i was thoroughly surprised. The sow and it’s formulas has not aged well at all but it approached this revival trend with legitimate awareness and hubris. This is basically an indictment of the Millennial obsession with nostalgia with just a sprinkling of modern politics and i kind of dig it. This is definitely a Rocko episode, but it’s a Rocko episodes for all of those kids who watched back in the day, who are 23 years older now.

Invader Zim: Enter The Florpus

Zim is my, hands down, all-time favorite Nicktoon. As far as i’m concerned, it’s the greatest thing Nickelodeon has ever created and i was livid when it got cancelled, especially when i found out it was because they simply didn’t want to pay the animation bills. Like, f*ck you guys! I mean, Invder Zim is a classic and they abandoned it because of loot? Come on, the Hot Topic merchandise proves there’s an audience for this show. Thank god for Netflix because they swooped in and bought the rights to the Florpus flick we��ve been waiting on for what seems like decades. And that wait was worth. I loved Florpus. This was everything i ever wanted out of a Zim film. While The Jungle movie gave Arnold his deserved happy ending, Florpus pretends to hand Dib his own fairy tale ending, only to snatch it away in a very Zim way. It was truly glorious. This thing is beautifully animated, giving Zim it’s proper due with a myriad of techniques that range from the absurd to the adorable to the WTF, as Zim should be. Florpus was perfectly executed and told the store it wanted to tell. It never lags or overstays it’s welcome but it does make you yearn for a new series simply because, with today's advancement in technology, Zim would look spectacular and probably wouldn’t cost near as much as it used to.

[rangeroverspecialist]

Return of Jaguar’s Land Rover Defender relished by off-road fans

Jaguar Parts Online

Some fear bringing back classic workhorse is more about nostalgia than business sense

When Jaguar Land Rover’s brand new Discovery car became stuck in a patch of wet sand in the desert of Utah during a test drive, there was only one solution — an old Defender was wheeled out to tow the vehicle from the dirt.

It was, perhaps, proof that even the latest sport utility vehicle with the best off-roading technology sometimes needs help from an “old-timer”, a car dating back to 1948, that is revered not only for its simplicity but also for being able to tackle any terrain.

The Land Rover Defender is now generating excitement among the cognoscenti of the off-road car market as they anticipate the expected return of the vehicle in 2019.

JLR halted production last year because the vehicle could not meet modern environmental and safety standards, which meant a complete redesign.

Chief executive Ralf Speth says: “It was the saddest moment in my life to be the guy who stopped the Defender line. I am a fan, and the Defender is an icon, but at the end of the day there was no other choice.”

  He has decided to bring back the vehicle for what he considers the good of the group, which some analysts say may be partly because of the big increase in sales of rivals since the last Defender rolled off the assembly line.

However, the hurdles JLR faces in resurrecting the car may be tougher to clear than the barren dunes of the Utah wilderness.

Stringent emissions and safety rules mean it will be difficult to make a vehicle that complies with guidelines and still remains as rugged and capable as the original.

“They have got a really tough job to do,” says David Bailey, professor of industrial strategy at Aston University. “The challenge is staying loyal to the original design and giving it the full off-road capability.”

During its 68 years of production, the Defender, which was originally just called the Land Rover until renamed in 1990, generated a reputation as a workhorse able to tackle just about any terrain imaginable.

But its engineering simplicity, allowing the car to be repaired in the middle of the desert with the sparsest of resources and spare parts, eventually led to its downfall.

The engine was too polluting to be allowed under European emissions rules, while the car’s “body-on-frame” construction also left it likely to fail modern crash safety tests.

Any new car will have to clear these obstacles.

“In 1948, the vehicle was just driving over the farm field,” says Mr Speth. “But this cannot be the case any more. At the end of the day you cannot design a vehicle like the original one. We have to make sure we fulfil all the regulatory requirements.”

Progress in this task is well advanced.

Mr Speth says the options will stretch from a “base car” to a “very luxury” one, but does not elaborate.

The vehicle will also probably be manufactured in JLR’s new plant in Slovakia.

“The Defender will always be designed and engineered in the UK,” Mr Speth says, but “we do not have the space” to build it at the company’s current British plants.

No pricing details are known yet, although the previous Defender sold for about £33,000, comparable with the Jeep Wrangler or Toyota’s Hilux pick-up truck.

It will also face a different market to the one it left in 2016. Sales of pick-ups in Europe have risen strongly, up 17 per cent last year to 140,000, which may spark fiercer competition once the new model hits the road.

“Pick-ups used to be associated with work only. There was nothing exciting about them,” says Felipe Munoz, global automotive analyst at Jato Dynamics. “Now they are getting cooler and becoming more aggressive in design, and sharing parts with SUVs.”

Bringing the Defender back, therefore, is clearly a gamble. Some analysts worry it will be a distraction for a group that already has ambitious plans to double in size, launch a fully-electric car next year and must navigate the complexities of Brexit.

The fear is that JLR may be restarting production of a vehicle in a niche, low profit margin market based on nostalgia and emotion, rather than for solid commercial reasons.

Robin Zhu, a car analyst at Bernstein, says: “They’re obsessed with bringing the Defender back, given what it means for the brand and how iconic the last one was. As a fan of the brand I’m quite looking forward to it. But as an autos analyst covering their stock, my excitement levels are far lower.”

  Source: www.ft.com

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