#my obsession grows every day
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ladydarkey · 2 years ago
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At this point I had to make this
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itspileofgoodthings · 2 months ago
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one big thing I’ve learned by 29 is that the Plan, the God’s Plan of it all I mean, is bigger than me and not just bigger than me but also bigger than my understanding of narrative threads and their limitations. And it’s bigger even than just a simple paradox, turning-on-their-head thing way of being bigger. It’s just so vast. And there is so much room for surprise and possibility and hope in that reality.
#again. idk if that makes sense#but I am someone obsessed with the patterns and what the patterns are telling me#and it’s like. sometimes nothing! but also sometimes something!#there is no way to predict what will happen or what will be presented to me or what will unfold#both personally and in a more big picture way#based on what I feel or what I know or what I have already experienced#there are hundreds and millions of different possible combinations#I am making this sound more profound than the revelation is (and also more vague)#but I love to be like ‘oh being this way means THIS thing and this kind of thing always happens to this kind of person’#and actually. it just doesn’t?????? a million different things could happen and do happen every day that are unlikely and unpredictable#even when you think you’ve accounted for that by looking for the unexpected you still can’t tell#and I love that. used to hate that the future was shrouded in mystery#and I still sometimes do. but I am growing to love it#uncertainty and just the sheer not knowing feels better#and God IS surprising. life is surprising!#THAT I feel like I know#every day of my life I wake up and I pry open the blinds and I look out and say.#what is going to happen today#like I do kind of do that a little#or maybe it’s more. what has the night brought.#and you know what the world is so wide. not in terms of me being able to go anywhere travel-wise#or do anything dream-wise. but in terms of what can and DOES unfold every single day/week/month/year.#there are surprises in store! folded tucked away around the next corner#like I just.#I’m getting carried away but AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
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faunandfloraas · 8 months ago
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It is kinda funny seeing people talk about Seungmin lately because he definitely has gotten more bold and confident for sure. He's also just getting opportunities to be perceived as an individual on his own as well for the first time in a while but it's still jarring to see people be like Aw he was always such a quiet goodie two shoes little nerd and it's like...... he was the one to leave and seek out his own vocal coach and blatantly talk about it, which of course lead to I.N and Lee Know also doing the same, he was the one to go on bubble and tell off sasaengs who used to camp outside their old dorm for invading members privacy but also because it effected other residents and staff at the complex, something that i'm certain upper management wouldnt have been happy about, and he wasn't curt or nice about it either. like he's never actually been a wallflower, he's always had a pretty strong backbone and seems to stick to his principals, its not really new.
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kaalypsoooo · 1 year ago
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A second fic??? Absolutely! Enjoy ur food! 🎩✨❤️
(All fluff, so lovey-dovey, catch Caine being corny as hell 😂)
A sudden snap sound echoed into the room, heads turning to face an enthusiastic caine, gleeful as always, he gave the cast a greeting.
"Hello everyone! i've prepared an adventure for you all!"
Jax just grumbled and rolled his eyes, ragatha and pomni giving caine a smile.
"What's on the agenda for today, caine?" ragatha asked, her head tilting in curiousity.
He gave her a grin, floating in close to the pair.
"Dont worry, its a very simple treasure hunt!" He exclaimed, before snapping his fingers again, pomni suddenly appearing in his arms with an audible "EEP!"
"I'm sure you wont even notice she's gone, so have fun my friends!" and with that, they disappeared, leaving the rest of the cast to begin their adventure.
"Why does she get special privileges?-" Jax started, ragatha cutting him off with hand over his mouth.
"I think its sweet that he's so infatuated with her, quit being such a sour-puss jax."
kinger, gangle, and zooble eventually joined the conversation, mentally readying themselves for this adventure.
....
Caine and pomni appeared in a grassy area, a large lake with a waterslide surrounding the grassy land. He snapped his fingers and suddenly a picnic blanket, basket, and two wine glasses and a bottle were lying on the grass.
"Like it, darling?"
"What's all of this for?" She asked, he just took her hands and led her down to the ground, sitting her down on the picnic blanket. "Why, its all for you of course!.. Is it too much?"
"N-Nono! It's...really sweet of you, thanks.."
"Anything for you, darling!"
He took a seat beside her, his hand moving to caress her cheek, pomni gently leaning into his touch.
"So, while we're out here, what would you like to do?" He wasn't quite caught up on human customs, and knew next to nothing about being romantic or planning dates, but she seemed happy, so in turn he was happy.
Before she could respond, he jumped up and snapped his fingers, a cute duck themeed boat plopping down in the lake next to them.
"Does a boat ride sound like fun?" she nodded hesitantly, and he pulled her up into his arms, guiding her into the boat with him.
She took a glance around before her gaze landed back on him, his goofy face making her heart melt.
"So caine..."
"Yes, dear?"
"...Why do you like me so much?"
He paused, scanning her curious face.
"I...I know I may seem like this goofy AI that doesn't have feelings, but i do, and you don't know how badly they burn for you."
"You're like the fuel to my fire, the engine that keeps me running, sweetie, you make me feel emotions i've never felt before, it's like fireworks are going off in my heart everytime you look at me."
She wasn't sure how to respond, her face a pretty shade of pink as he poured out his feelings to her.
"Pff...Do you even hear how corny that sounds?" She finally said, laughing happily as he pulled her in close.
"But you looove my corniness! being corny is who i am!" He laughed too, taking her face in his hands and leaning his teeth against her cheek, as if to kiss it.
"Don't ever stop being you, okay? I love you."
He gave her a lovey-dovey look before howling out for all the world to hear. "I LOVE YOU TOO!!!"
They both burst out laughing, holding each other tight as they sailed across the water, this would be a day to remember, for both of them.
(Bonus!)
The gang finished up their treasure hunt, the prize being a well earned two day long break for everyone. They all sighed in relief upon hearing this, their heads turning to glace at pomni and caine, who had just finished up their little date, smiles on both of their faces.
Jax began to call out to them, ragatha giving him a side glare as if warning him to not say anthing dumb.
"I see the two lovebirds are back, say pomni, how does it feel to be Caine's favorite?"
Caine simply bonked him on the head with his cane, a menacing look growing on his face.
pomni suddenly answered, catching both caine and jax off-guard.
"You know what? it feels great. What, are you jealous?"
Jax looked shocked, his ears lowering, while both caine and ragatha were grinning and laughing a bit at the situation unfolding.
"I- Oh, shut up." And with that, he grumbled and stormed off, leaving the rest of the cast to laugh and giggle about it. Pomni looked very proud of herself, and caine applauded her for finally talking back to jax.
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hsmtmtsjoefrankie · 3 months ago
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Okay, I've just finished watching Joe's latest interview (that podcast thing) and it was a wild ride, it's so real and raw
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angelstrawbabie420 · 3 months ago
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in my quest to quell my pain ive only hurt myself worse. damned if i do damned if i dont.
#i need better coping mechanisms but it’s so easy to just turn to substances when you’ve never learned how to cope w your emotions#and physical pain. however a lot of it has been brought on by the substance abuse aka i did it to myself#so i probably deserve it#but i started with them in the first place to get rid of pain that was so overwhelming and constant#it feels like every time i do something to preserve myself im punished for it#and im so sick of it. i cant believe its gotten this bad#i drink to help the pain -> i get hungover and the pain is way worse -> i drink to stop that pain#and the worst part is it always works#realistically ive depended on substances for like a decade#i started drinking at 13 and fell into a rut of alcoholism at like 15/16#my mom was going thru a phase of alcoholism and roped me into it so bad if be woken up by her bringing me a drink at 9 am#and we’d drink till she passed out and i had to walk her to bed and cook for everyone and do all the chores#it went on for months one summer#then it was weed and i smoked every day from like 18-22#only thing thwt stopped me from drinking until i started again after both my parents died#i havent recovered since.#im still so traumatized and depressed that i looked for any method of relief#the dph phase was the worst. i think alc is even better than that lmfao it was horrible#once i got access to alc i stopped all that. wouldnt have if i hadnt had alc tho#it’s honestly been one addiction after the other for a decade#and my parents fueled so much of it#‘oh id rarher you drink under my eye than do it behind my back’#BRUH YOU WOULDNT LET ME GO ANYWHERE OR DO ANYTHING. HOW WOULD THWT HAVE HAPPENED#crazy how i was obsessed w drugs and shit by the time i was 10 and i remember thinking wow im gojna grow up to be an addict.#why am i so irreparably fucked up#idk whatever. like im not gonna drink abt it lmao.
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yorikuro · 3 months ago
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Well, I suddenly remembered the movie "Vivat, Midshipmen!" ("Виват, гардемарины!" in russian, i dunno how to translate it right), and in particular this dummy. I didn't really like how he was presented in the movie (especially the 25+ year old actor playing him, although in the movie he is a 15 or smth year old teenager), but I liked his appearance, so I quickly sketched a couple of doodles with this image of him.
GOD, HE'S SUCH A SILLY LITTLE SHIT, I JUST CAAAN'T!
P.S. I also really liked the moment when Peter kicked Brummer in the stomach. He deserved it.
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captain-astors · 2 years ago
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To the groom.
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shiftingwithmars · 5 months ago
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”Not all men”
You’re right, Brett Talbot would never
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a-shadowedvales · 8 months ago
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when jane's powers return in season four (and because they were regained by her confronting and accepting her past, rather than being retraumatised with it!) they're stronger than they ever were. when she starts getting a handle back on them, she very quickly comes to realise not only have they affected her, but her mother, too. one of the biggest losses that came about with her losing them was the fact that she could no longer visit terry in the void; while there was no real communication there, it did allow jane to sit with her, and gain a little more connection than she could in the real world. when she first visits the void after their return, it takes her three hours to find terry, something that is both unexpected and incredibly worrying. but when she does, it's something of a miracle. jane's increased strength and control over the void actually wakes terry up from her catatonic state, but only in the void. there's no way to help her mother physically, but she does do so (unbeknownst to her) mentally. terry is reborn in jane's newfound control over the vale of shadows; she becomes the woman she once was, and while her body remains frozen in a "good dream", her mind connected to jane's own allows her some freedom. jane is able to speak to her mother in the void, is able to be held by her, and while it's still unfair and jane cannot stay in there forever, it's something. this only lasts for about eight months, as each visit slowly begins deteriorating terry's physical and mental state, and jane's health begins declining after spending hours upon hours in the void each and every day.
when jane finds out these visits are actually killing her mother on the outside, she deems to stop, but terry expresses the importance of them being able to speak, that she'd prefer to die on the outside, if it meant she could have just a few months with her daughter like this. terry and jane's connection was always so strong, which ultimately led to terry "waking up" in the void, but even jane's newfound strength cannot save her from the harsh realities. each visit nearing the end of those eight months, terry fades more and more, becomes weaker in the void, and her real body eventually gives up. jane's in the void when her mother eventually passes on, and physically feels their connection weaken, like some part of her suddenly becomes lost in the shadows, a part she'll never find again. jane falls into a depressive state for weeks after her mother's death, given she's technically lost her a second time, but soon comes to realise she was lucky to have even shared those eight months together. it was better than nothing at all. there is a proper burial and funeral, (and when jane dies, she's buried next to her mother) which allows jane some sense of closure. she never fully recovers from losing terry, nor from the fact that she never had a proper relationship with her, but she does eventually find some peace with it all.
#study‚ in my dreams it's all real and my heart has so much to reveal.#IF U SAW ME POSTING THIS YESTERDAY. no u didn't.#i wanted to change things again (who is surprised!!) and decided to just rewrite it all rip.#me taking a few weeks off from this blog and then coming back with a brand new terry / jane hc? more likely than u think.#purely self indulgent too i might add!#every day i battle with making my terry portrayal canon to jane's timeline so jane can have her mother in every verse not just#selected ones.#but. her not having her mother is ultimately important to my writing of her and sfjasfjas >:( hate myself for it.#so here be a brand new addition to my timeline that gives jane SOME time with her mother!!! bc i need it for my mental health.#i imagine when terry dies her body turns to smoke in the void. almost like what happened to billy when jane was spying on him.#and he stopped her connection and faded in front of her.#and jane also visited terry a lot in the void because it allowed her to see more memories of her mother.#i hc that she had a real grasp on that before s3 when she looks into billy's memories.#terry (even in her catatonic state) WANTED jane to see what happened to her in hawkins lab.#so she'd want her to see the good stuff too. her childhood. andrew. her grandmother that raised her and becky.#all the good memories!#so when terry dies jane loses all that completely.#which leads to jane grappling with the conflict of whether or not she should have kept visiting terry in the void which eventually led to#her death.#because if she hadn't connected to her. she'd at least be able to look back on all those memories.#jane becomes obsessed within those months and barely speaks to anyone else.#in any free time she has. she's in the void with terry.#her own physical body grows very weak after a little while but she pays no attention to it and even gets into heated arguments with becky.#because becky is jane's carer and needs her safe and healthy. needs to look after her.#but jane is so adamant about the fact that this is her MOTHER and she's finally able to speak to her.#UGH i have so much to say abt this actually i sense a brand new addition to my timeline coming on.#ANYWAY. i'm emotional about them that is all.
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hwsforeignrelations · 1 year ago
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The duality of Alfred...
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gentlethorns · 3 months ago
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okay shoot me or whatever you want lol but i miss 2020. like for me personally that was a good ass year
#she bork#got super fit got super healthy mentally and did a lot of growth got lovesick then threw it up and felt better then got lovesick again but#that time my stomach settled. was looking at my playlist for that year (bc every year i make a playlist and add any song i get obsessed w or#listen to a lot) and it was a GOOD era of music for me. and thinking about each of those songs i can feel what it felt like to listen to#them back then and remember listening to them off a bluetooth speaker in my shitty honda or w my airpods in w my eyes closed on my bed w#only my color changing led lights on. fuck man i want to be young and healthy and happy again w no responsibilities and friends who also#have no responsibilities. growing up continues to fucking suck#and ROLLERSKATING???? FUCK i miss skating so bad. skating listening to tame impala and frank ocean and tyler the creator and brent fayaz and#scary story podcasts and alice isn't dead (never did finish that) . .. skating as the sun set. i remember skating down a hill where i would#always go so fast while new person same old mistakes by tame impala played and it hit THAT part of the song and it was so. i can't even#describe it. transcendent??? part of what i struggle with every single day is the idea that the older i get the fewer and farther between#those bursts of magic become. i have to believe there are more waiting for me. i have to i have to#furthermore (and less poetic lol) i miss working some part time bullshit job that didn't stress me out. really i miss not working at all#during quarantine but even when i went back it was for like. twenty hours a week. this full time bullshit w expectations and stakes sucks
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ca-d · 4 months ago
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I like when you love something so much and you can remember where it stems from 🕯️
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tittyinfinity · 1 year ago
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constantly being in online arguments absolutely affects your mood and how you treat people in real life
being under that level of stress and agitation that often is extremely unhealthy. if you're constantly seeking out arguments, it most likely means you're trying to distract from stressors in your life with other stressors that are easier to control.
I'm not saying never stand up for yourself or argue with people at all, just don't make discourse the primary way you use the internet.
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persimnon · 1 year ago
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mayday, mayday!
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shehsart · 1 year ago
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The face behind this blog?
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I tried my best to do a self portrait anon, I swear this is what I look like. My face ain't so great so have this instead.
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