#my mutuals all know this so i'm preaching to the choir

[unforth]

Y'all (general) really really need to exercise the block buttons more.

An opinion you don't agree with? Someone makes you uncomfortable? Something you don't like? Even just a person whose way of presenting information makes you uncomfortable (even if you agree with them)?

Block.

BLOCK.

B.L.O.C.K.

Look, I get it. I used to think seeing opinions I didn't agree with was important, that exposing myself was a way of staying informed. But finally, I hit a breaking point - I already knew the viewpoints I disagreed with, and seeing them every day was making me miserable.

I've blocked liberally since then.

And the most remarkable thing happened: I routinely see posts where lots of people are disagreeing with the same person...and I already have that person blocked.

Because the most insidious thing about letting myself see the negativity and things that made me unhappy all the time is that leaving it all there gave me the impression that there were a LOT of vocally awful people saying things that hurt me.

But there aren't.

There's actually a surprisingly small number of people who get off on trolling or are so marinated in hate that they have to spew it all around them, and when you block those people, the world gets much more peaceful.

You're not growing as a person by exposing yourself to rhetoric that hurts you. You're just hurting, which is exactly how those people want you to feel: they want you to be in as much agony as they are.

Don't give them the satisfaction.

BLOCK THEM.

(tbh I've hit the point that I think people who willfully, deliberately, loudly, intentionally don't block are engaging in a form of self-harm. seriously, you're not taking a noble stand, no one cares if you don't block except the people hurting you.)

[yooniesim]

ok unfortunately for yall the dash made me have a thought so now I gotta ramble lol

but ya know. maybe it's bc I've had so much time away from here and all the bitching (/affectionate) but over the past couple years, I get less angry about this shit and more solution-minded. and I don't mean for the community as a whole (that's impossible lol) but in a sort of... personal circle/responsibility type of way. like what we can do among ourselves without the confrontation aspect bc, just being honest- from my perspective & experience, the anger and the bitching doesn't really accomplish shit. not to say it ain't justified, & it's important to raise awareness for sure, but i swear me & a lot of others that have been talking about this for a long time have just been barking in circles without anything budging one way or another. which leads to burnout/emotional exhaustion not just for the ppl in question but for followers/mutuals/friends. I spent far too long and waaaay too much mental energy thinking that being the loudest and the boldest would get something to change. but the scammers keep scamming and the shit just keeps going. and sure it's fun as hell to shoot the shit and pick and bitch and laugh with your mutuals. baby yall know I love a good simblr circlejerk. but ya know, when you sit down and think about it it's a lil depressing. and the ppl you're talking to/around are already Aware and eventually the anger wears off and they're just tired of hearing about it. you're preaching to the choir and everyone is just pissed and tired with no clear goal to work towards.

Part of that exhaustion is why i made @alwaysfreecc as a positive way to boost always free creators, without focusing on the paywallers. as well as always supporting alternate ways of getting paywalled cc. but I think it takes a lil more than just that. I think, like the post I just reblogged was saying, people need to learn how to make their own content too. I know there's a learning curve, but so many things paywallers make are outright easy to do yourself. Some aren't- there are paywall creators that put great effort into their content and make it worth your money- but a lot of them are. And that isn't to say you should make everything yourself, there's nothing wrong with supporting creators that make content you find interesting or wouldn't want to do yourself, but it can be really rewarding to learn how to make simple edits and recolors on your own. And, image editing and 3d modeling skills can also benefit you elsewhere in life! Whether professionally or when modding other games. Knowing how to make cc in sims helped me figure out how to make certain things for skyrim and fallout, for example. Hell, it's just plain FUN to figure out and do, and I think the community could always use more of that.

Also, sometimes it's freeing to just, stop using certain creators' content. Like, i used to be bitching yet downloading stuff off dhm and shit, out of spite mostly cos half the stuff I didn't even like. But since I cleared out a lot of paywallers' stuff, besides a few I think are worth it/doing things honestly, it just feels better. I don't even think about those mfs anymore until I see something about them on my dash and then I can barely remember who they are lol. You don't realize how much you really don't NEED any of that shit & how you were kinda just downloading it to be downloading it, until you toss it. AND it feels great to have mostly always free creators' content & support them. Liiike i feel proud of ppl i saw get started and are STILL FREE and making awesome stuff, it's exciting! even when I'm not playing the game, I see their posts and be like "dang I need to grab that when I update" or "man they've gotten so much better in so little time" or "wow I never thought of that idea/seen that before". Bc always free peeps get to be so damn creative bc they don't have deadlines or turning off their paying audience to worry about. Like it's so cool and positive and I love that.

idk, just. based on what I've experienced here, i feel like it's kinda time to focus less on what the assholes are doing now (aka the same exact thing they've been doing for years) and more on what to do to make our own personal experiences better. which I know a lot of us are doing! I just wish I personally had done it earlier lol so maybe someone else needs to hear that too. like toss these dummies to the curb and replace them is what I'm sayin. If not in the whole community but just your personal circle. raise awareness as needed sure but don't let em take any more of your energy. cos if you are petty like me (😂) it'll hurt em way more to cast em out than yell at em. all the ppl that have bitched at me yet still have my cc in their folders come to mind lmfao, cos personally that gives me more satisfaction than anything else so I know it's probably the same for the scammers! Like a "you hate me but you can't bear to not use my shit huh 😏" type of deal. Don't give em that sick pleasure! (/projecting) Just focus on you and yours and make some sick ass content for yourself, then share it to me thx 💅

[cult-of-lilith]

Hearing about America from over here in Europe is always so insane. It's like fucking godzilla is stomping around the world and everyone is always like "it's okay just vote and we'll only feed godzilla 99 tonnes of radiation instead of 100 tones. Godzilla only flattened 37 schools this week. And we ask if we can stop godzilla only to find out godzilla is the head of the anti kaiju league and holds ultimate veto power. The amount of international orders and laws and stuff that are signed by every country in the world but the us is insane it drives me wild. And of course I know my home nation is no angel and has an awful past but our children are actual considered humans with rights holt fuck why aren't children given rights? Food isn't a human right internationally due entirely to the US they are the only nay vote I am so mad at the us all the damn time (I know most of my us mutuals agree with me and I'm preaching to the choir but I'm just venting here)

[inmyarmswrappedin]

I have a bone deep lack of interest in the potential of seeing mailin & Finn navigate their awkward and unfamiliar feelings towards each other. If all signs lead to that end - I'm out. But not gone. Thanks to your excellent ep.1 round up I know that regardless of where I stand with the show, I'll still be keeping up with it through the power of your words. Sorry, there was no question here and I guess there was no real point to this,,, other than to say I loved your review!

Hi anon! 🌊 That's such a flattering thing to say, I'm bowled over by your ask.

I'd been noticing that the posts I can see on the tag have rarely been breaking 50 notes, let alone 100. When it came to my posts, I'd sort of made my peace with the fact that fandom has moved on without me and at this point I'm preaching to the choir/my besties/my unfortunate mutuals and followers. So I appreciate any and all encouragement. 😙✌

For myself, I guess I would be a bit more invested if the ace aspect was made textual. As of right now, I feel like the story could kind of go either way. It kind of looks like Mailin and Finn already have an instant physical connection, and I'm not sure what to make of that. Note this post and comments by @catofthebarricades.

I also feel like... yes, this is presumably the first time Mailin has felt these strange feelings, but there is another way to portray them that isn't so reminiscent of content for and about younger teens. I feel like some of the stuff we saw yesterday would be clichéd even for the Heartstopper characters, who are 15/16 and not about to graduate from high school. Compare with the way Nora's attraction to Josh was portrayed. She said she was a mess of nerves when they first hung out because of how into him she was, which we knew! But it was a nervousness and a thrill that made sense for a slightly more mature teen. It makes me wonder whether Mailin is ace or a late bloomer. THIS is the kind of thing that makes me feel like ZDF is attempting to recapture a younger audience, and not necessarily Mailin being inexperienced or feeling these things for the first time.

Like... If you were to write about a 30-year old ace character experiencing a crush for the first time, you wouldn't write them like a 13-year old, right? The feelings would be similar, the nervousness, the inexperience, the thrill of it all... But they'd manifest in different ways, because a 30-year old has lived longer than a 13-year old. The same concept applies, only the age gap is shorter.

[imaginationintowords]

Folklore [song series]

the last great american dynasty

Modern Day AU! Bucky Barnes x OC!Reader; Steve Rogers x OC!Reader

Plot: Inspired by Taylor Swift’s new album Folklore. The story follows the timeline of Bucky and Elizabeth’s life throughout the years.

Word Count: 4658

Warnings: maybe some swearing (don’t really remember), mentions of deaths, sadness, loneliness.

Previous Part

Series Masterlist

Age: 17

Year: 2012

Location: Brooklyn, NY

The last few months haven't been the greatest for Elizabeth.

She never did get to run for Student Body President during the months of October and November. Steve ended up running and winning. Elizabeth had even decided to leave student body council once campaigning started. She found no point in staying, everyone in the club didn't like her.

She had kept to herself. She no longer felt the need to make new friendships or continue the ones she had. The rumors made sure of that.

This was not how Elizabeth had thought her senior year would be. She thought she'd be crossing out he dates in her calendar feeling sad with each passing day, but now she's counting down to when she will never see these faces again.

She had also been approached by the principle right before school was dismissed for Holiday break. Principle Alvarez had told Elizabeth that she was the front runner for valedictorian. Elizabeth politely declined the offer, but Principle Alvarez told her to take the next three week holiday to think over it.

Elizabeth promised she would, but that was a lie. There was no way she would go in front of her classmates and give them a fake speech on comradery. 

These people wouldn't know the first thing about that.

Instead she focused on anything besides school.

Her parents weren't oblivious to Elizabeth's sudden change in personality. At first they thought it was because of her breakup with Bucky. But Elizabeth had told them it was a mutual decision. They wanted to believe her, but they knew their daughter. They knew it was not what she had said.

They knew something must've happened, especially with the way Bucky has been actively avoiding running into them. Even going as far as running inside whenever he saw Mr. Sanchez get home from work.

Even Steve stopped coming around. That was another red flag.

Then they had found out from Sarah Rogers, Steve's mom, that Steve would be running for student body president, after Elizabeth stepped down and left the club.

They were shocked to hear the news.

How could she not tell them. Her parents had debated back and forth whether or not they should have a conversation with her.

She had been keeping this a secret for months. Whenever they would bring it up, she told them it was in the works. But she had lied. There was clearly something bigger going on.

They then received a phone call from Principle Alvarez the day before winter break started. She told them about Elizabeth becoming valedictorian but turning it down. Another secret her parents had heard nothing about.

"Mrs. Alvarez, we had no idea," Caterina, her mother, said.

"I figured which is why I called. I told Elizabeth to take the break think it over."

"Thank-you, Mrs. Alvarez," Brandon, her father, thanked, "Actually we were just discussing Elizabeth and her sudden personality change. Do you have any idea what might have happened?"

"Well," she cleared her throat, "I'm assuming you both know about her breakup with James."

"Yes, but she told us it was a mutual decision, somehow we don't think she's telling he truth," Caterina explained.

"I suppose she isn't. Unfortunately, I don't think it's my place to say. Her grades are not falling behind, she hasn't done anything that would create a cause for concern," she half lied.

"But she quit student council. She isn't even talking to Steve," Caterina explained, slightly frustrated with the situation.

"Yes, well," Principal Alvarez pauses, "There was some rumors going around at the beginning of the year, surrounding James and Elizabeth. Sadly those rumors favored James."

"Why are we just hearing about this now?" her father asked.

"I have spoken to Elizabeth, she had asked me not to say anything to you. In order to keep this a safe place for her and other students, there's some things that need to stay confidential.

"I didn't sense any danger and the rumors died down. Yes, she did quit student council, but you wouldn't be surprised by the amount of students who leave a club senior year." she explained to them.

"We have had no idea any of this was happening," Caterina, sighs softly, her eyes getting teary. Her husband softly rubs her back.

"What do you suggest we do? Should we confront Elizabeth about all these lies?" Brandon asks.

"I think Elizabeth is trying to protect you guys and herself. I can't tell you what to do. This is your child. But I can offer some advice," she says, "Give her some time. When it comes, I'm sure she'll open up, it might not be now, but it will be when she is ready. I've seen this a lot with seniors who get thrown a massive curve ball and it just throws them all off.

"It's what I like to call their first taste of the real world. How they get through it shows how they will handle these kind of stressors in the future. Some just go right off the handle and turn to some bad things to cope. Some repress their feelings, and let it all boil until they have some sort of snap. Some, learn and grow from it. Those that learn and grow, take it quietly, figure out what's to come afterwards. They stop worrying about what's happening now, and are ready to move on. The reason I haven't reached out is because I can see how Elizabeth is handling it. Yes, maybe she has changed, grown up a bit, but I still haven't gotten any major danger signs from her that say she isn't handling this in an unhealthy manner.

"Elizabeth has been meeting with our guidance counselor, about once a week. And that was something she had chosen to do on her own. We aren't necessarily obligated to tell parents that because of  confidentiality reasons. If there was any cause for concerns you would've heard by now."

"So we should just wait?"

"Yes," she sighs, "I know it's probably not what you wanted to hear, but just know you have a wonderful daughter, who seems to know how to take care of herself in a healthy mature manner."

The conversation they had with Principal Alvarez brought some peace to their minds. Not completely, but enough to know that if Elizabeth really was in trouble she would go to them.

They had decided that it was probably best to get away for the winter break. Brandon and Caterina were able to work remotely during the holiday season, so they decided to take a trip to the family's cabin.

Elizabeth was excited to head to the cabin for the holidays. It meant that she wouldn't have to worry about running into anyone from school. And any reason to spend more time with her grandmother was exciting. Especially since she would be heading off to college soon.

Elizabeth had decided that Christmas to break the news to her parents that she had decided on the University of Stanford. She would be going as a Pre-Law student. The school was on the other side of the country. When she and her parents visited this past  summer, Elizabeth fell in love with the campus. 

Her last two choices were Stanford and Columbia.

With some talking to her guidance counselor and some major thought, she decided she desperately needed a change in scenery. A change in people.

For the first time since returning home, she had never felt more free. She was excited about the possibility of the future. She could no longer worry about what the hell was happening in Brooklyn.

Her parents were excited to hear about her choice. They were glad that she wasn't keeping this from them. They had decided that Principal Alvarez was right, Elizabeth was becoming such a strong woman in front of their eyes, and they had to trust that she knows what's best for herself.

Elizabeth and her grandma stayed that third week of break, while her parents were sent away by her grandma so she could have some quality time with her only granddaughter.

Elizabeth and her grandmother were currently sat in the living room going through some old photos. Elizabeth was helping her grandmother put them in some new photo albums she had gotten for Christmas.

"So, any new boy in your life?" her grandma, Sophia, asked.

"No, I'm done with high school boys," Elizabeth said, carefully going through the old photos.

"Good, high school boys are nothing but trouble."

"You're preaching to the choir," Elizabeth joked.

While grabbing another small box of photos, Elizabeth opened it up to reveal some very old letters and photos.

"What are these grandma?" she asked softly turning the box over for her grandma to see.

"Oh, I've been wondering where those went," she softly smiled, going over to sit next to Elizabeth on the couch.

Elizabeth handed her the box, and she pulled out a light yellowish envelope, the color from old age.

"Who are those from?"

"My old friend Rebekah," she said looking over at the letter.

"Rebekah? You've never told me about a Rebekah before.

"Well she was an old friend," her grandma said, handing Elizabeth a black and white photo of two young girls. One was her grandma and the blonde next to her must've been Rebekah. The photo was dated 1965.

"How did you guys meet?" Elizabeth asked.

"In junior high, we were both 12," her grandma handed her a photo dated 1960, it was of two even younger versions of the young teens.

"Oh, wow."

"From 12 to 21 we were inseparable."

"Woah, what's this?" Elizabeth asked, showing her grandma a photo of a quickie style wedding.

"Ah, that was Bex's first wedding."

"First?"

"Yup. Right out of high school, freshly 18. Adam Grant. Bex's high school sweetheart. Prom King and Queen."

"What happened?"

"Young love doesn't always last forever. Why do you think I was always so insistent with you not to worry about marriage until after you've graduated college and started your career."

Elizabeth shrugged her shoulders, "Just thought you thought I was too young, and you were right."

"Aren't I always," she winked playfully.

"What happened between them?"

"Adam wanted Rebekah to be a stay at home wife, to start popping out babies. That wasn't Bex at all. Bex was always the life of the party. She was a social butterfly, but she had dreams of making it to Broadway. Adam was set to take over his dad's mechanic shop.

"The marriage had only lasted a year, before they pulled the plug. After the divorce, Bex started to go on more auditions, while she waitressed part time, and once a month she would sing at a lounge in Manhattan. Now when I say she could sing, I mean she could sing. I believe she really could have made it," her grandma reminisces.

"What happened?"

"Bill happened," her grandma said, handing Elizabeth a photo of a man who appeared to be in his late 40s early 50s.

"Who's he?"

"Bill Carter. The richest man I have ever met. His family had oil money. He and his colleagues were in attendance at the lounge on one of the night's Bex was singing.

"From what Bex told me it was love at first sight. After that night Bex couldn't talk about anything but Bill. They were both so smitten over each other. I don't think I've ever seen Rebekah act like that. She started to clean herself up a little bit, to try and appease his family. But Bill loved her just the way she was when he met her."

"They were engaged two months later. This was both of their second marriages. Bill's parents desperately wanted him to have a prenup, but he was completely against it. He said that unlike his first marriage he knew this was the one. Plus Rebekah didn't care about all of that. She had had many opportunities to make some heavy cash by being a few married men's mistress, but that's not what mattered to her."

Elizabeth glanced down at the photo. It was a photo of the bride and groom surrounded by their friends, all of them have drinks and cigars in their hands, with big smiles on their faces.

Rebekah's hair was a everywhere, doesn't look like she bothered to comb it for the big day. Bill's tie was undone, along with his shirt being halfway unbutton, no suit jacket in sight.  Her lips were dark in the black and white photo, which meant she probably was wearing a darker lip, judging by the lipstick marks on Bill's lips, cheek, and neck.

"Was this at the end of the night?" Elizabeth asked.

"No, this was just after the ceremony," her grandmother smiled, "Bex and Bill started the party after they said I do."

"The limo we all rode in together were filled with laughs, drinks, and cigars," she laughed.

"You guys knew how to party," Elizabeth smiled at her grandmother.

"Hey it was the late 60's," she shrugged her shoulders, handing Elizabeth another photo from the wedding.

"This looks small," Elizabeth remarked.

"Yeah, Bill's parents decided they weren't going to pay for the wedding when Bill refused to have Rebekah sign a prenup," she said, "So Bill and Bex decided to have a small wedding. Free of judgment. Just those that loved and supported them."

"That's nice," Elizabeth smiled at the thought of a small intimate wedding.

Elizabeth had never really given much though of how her wedding would be. I mean she and Bucky used to talk about getting married, but that was it. No plans were every truly made. Elizabeth also never truly saw herself as a big ballgown type of gal.

All that had mattered was her and Bucky. Now that's no more.

She felt her eyes get a little teary, she cleared her throat.

"So where did they go to after?"

"Rhode Island."

"Rhode Island?" Elizabeth looked at her grandmother, "Why Rhode Island?"

"They took a trip out there when they were dating, and fell in love with it. Plus Bex has always wanted to live on the sea. She said it made her feel free."

"Did his parents ever accept their marriage?"

"Sadly no," her grandma said, "Especially not after Bill's doctor told him to settle down with the party."

"Did he get sick?"

"Yes, around year 7 of their marriage, his doctor told him if he continued down this path he wouldn't live a long life."

"What did he do?"

"Bill told him he'd rather live the rest of his short life filled with happiness then become a boring old man who lived forever."

"Did he die?"

"Yes he did. He lived another three years, he and Bex were able to spend their ten year anniversary before he passed a week later. The summer of 1979."

"A week later?" Elizabeth asked shocked.

"Yeah," her grandmother sadly remembers.

"Rebekah was never the same after that," her grandmother says, "She never fully recovered from Bill's death."

"Did they have any kids?"

"Not together. Bill had two kids from his first marriage, but the kids only cared about their inheritance, that they never got."

"What?"

"Turns out Bill had changed his will when the doctor had first told him to slow down. He left everything to Rebekah," her grandma says, "That did not help Rebekah after his death either,

"Rebekah wasn't a heartless person, she made sure his children were taken care of, she created a fund for both kids. She never wanted Bill to do that, she didn't even know until the will reading two days after his funeral. All Bex wanted was her Bill. She would've given up all that money just for him."

"That's so sad," Elizabeth commented.

"Very. Even though Bex acted like none of the rumors bothered her, it did. Because that town was painting her to be this horrible woman. Calling her the most shameless woman they had ever seen, saying she enjoyed ruining everything. So she gave them what they wanted. She gave them the most shameless woman they would ever see. From what I had heard the partying got worse. She had parties every day, the house was filled with people from the city. She even got in a feud with one of their neighbors and stole his dog and dyed it green."

"What do you mean 'from what you heard'?" Elizabeth asked confused.

"Well, Rebekah and I weren't close anymore. The last time I had seen Rebekah was the week of Bill's funeral. Before then we hadn’t seen each other in almost 8 years.”

"What happened?"

"Well after I graduated in 1970, your grandpa and I decided to get married and settle down in Brooklyn," her grandma said, handing her a photo of their wedding day, "We were done with the whole party scene. We were ready to begin our own lives. Grandpa and I had already had good jobs lined up. We were ready to be adults. We were ready to start our family.

“Rebekah never understood that. She claimed ‘kids ruined everything’. She and Bill were living this extraordinary life. Kids didn’t fit the picture.”

“What about his kids?”

“They’d visit once per season. Their mother didn’t think that lifestyle was for them, and Bill never fought it,” she told Elizabeth, “And after I had your Uncle Eric in 1972, Rebekah couldn’t put her own feelings for children aside. It put a strain on our friendship, causing me to realize that I couldn’t be her friend if she couldn’t support what made me happy.

“I had supported Rebekah in every aspect of her life. When she wanted to marry Adam right out of high school, I supported her, hell I drove them. When she wanted to divorce Adam, I was there to hold her while she grieved her first failed marriage. She wanted to become a Broadway star, I was right there cheering and supporting her. When she met Bill, and everyone was against their relationship, I was their only support. When they decided to get engaged and married only 5 months after meeting each other, I was there, every step of the way. Did I have time? No, I was busy with school, but I made time.

“I was there for everything. I supported her through everything. But when I was ready to begin my own life, Rebekah couldn’t be there,” her Grandma sighs, “It made me question everything about our friendship.”

“It wasn’t until Bill’s funeral that I fully realized, she was just scared of being alone,” she says, “His funeral was filled with people. But not one of them was there for her.”

“How sad.”

“Rebekah and I finally talked that night,” her grandma says, “She told me all about the nonstop adventures she and Bill had.”

“Did you guys makeup?”

“Yes and no,” she says, “Rebekah was still against kids. She apologized for what she had said, but at that point I had already had three kids. We knew that our friendship would never be the same. We knew that the only way we could be in each other’s lives was if we kept our distance. If any one of us needed each other we knew we could call. But sometimes people come into your life only to be a small part of it. They don’t stay forever, but they make an everlasting impact.”

“Do you know what ended up happening to her?”

“She died, 9 years after Bill’s death. She was only 40 years-old,” she tells Elizabeth with a glimmer in her eye, “She died alone. While on vacation in Italy.”

“I’m sorry Grandma,” Elizabeth sympathetically says, she places her hand softly on top of her grandmother’s.

“It’s okay sweetie, time has come and gone. We all have to go through it someday.”

“What happened to that big house of her’s?”

“It’s still there. It never sold.”

“Why?”

“People claim it’s cursed,” she says, “so now it sits empty on that hill in Rhode Island.”

“They claim a crazy woman lived there, that anyone that were to live there would end up in the same fate as she,” her grandma says, “She wasn’t crazy. She was heartbroken. That whole town exiled her. Blamed her for everything. Made her out to be someone she wasn’t.”

“I get the feeling,” Elizabeth mumbled, looking down at her hands.

“She wasn’t crazy. She was a woman who lost the love of her life. She traveled the world to find anything to fill that void in her heart, and she never did. So she made sure to give that town everything she had.

“She was a very scorn woman. Filled with hatred, and anger to those that did her wrong,” her grandma says, clutching Elizabeth’s hands, forcing her to look into her eyes, “I don’t want you becoming like that Elizabeth.”

“I know whatever is going on in school, is not the easiest. But please, don’t let your heart be filled with so much hatred. I don’t want you becoming like Rebekah. She never learned to forgive.”

“It’s hard to forgive,” Elizabeth sniffled.

“I know, but it’s even harder to carry around so much darkness in your life,” she explains, “You should be able to go to college with nothing weighing you down. Not having anything negative reminding you of back home. You shouldn’t dread going back home, you should be filled with joy. Don’t exile those around you, just because they haven’t figured out that part of their lives.”

“Don’t let these last few moments of your high school life be filled with what those kids are saying,” she squeezes Elizabeth’s hands, “You know who you are. Those closest to you truly know who you are. We love you and support you. And are so incredibly proud of the woman you have become.”

“So please find it in yourself to forgive,” her grandma pleads.

“It’s hard being the bigger person,” Elizabeth sniffles again, silent tears streaming down her face, “they hurt me so much.”

“I know sweetie,” she pulls Elizabeth into her arms, “But let them regret what they have done. Don’t let them win by seeing you become this mad woman. Let them look back in their life, regretting the way they treated you.”

————————

Once Elizabeth went back home, the weekend before she was due to return to school from winter break. She had a lot to think about.

Does she listen to her grandma and forgive everyone for everything they’ve done. Or does she continue down the path she started on months ago.

She had to admit to herself, the path she was on was lonely. She didn’t like it one bit. She didn’t like what they made her become.

She decided to take her grandma’s words, and promised that once she returned to school on Monday, she would go back to being who she was. Not entirely, but at least not filled with so much hatred. She had to move on. For her own soul.

The first step, forgiving Bucky.

She knew that that was the only way to start. She wasn’t ready to talk to him in person, she’s not sure if she ever will be. So she sat at her desk and wrote him a letter:

Dear James,

(Yes, I called you James). I don’t know how to begin this. My grandmother told me I should forgive those that hurt me. You know my grandma, filled with nothing but wisdom. She told me a story about a friend she had, one that let the rumors consume her with hatred. She died alone.

I don’t want to be that person.

I know you don’t believe me to be that person, even after the things I’ve said to you.

But, I do feel myself becoming that person. Hating everyone around me, aside from my own family. (They still have no idea what’s going on with me)

So my first step in letting go, is forgiving you.

Letting all the pain and hate you’ve caused on me go...

I forgive you James.

I forgive you for everything you’ve done.

I don’t think I’ll fully understand why you cheated on me.

I know that’s not who you truly are. So I hope, that whatever you’re going through you come out on the other side.

This is harder than I thought it would be...

I loved you so much. I really thought we would end up together. Maybe that was just a childish thought.

Does anyone even make it out alive with their high school sweetheart?

But I want to thank you. For being my first love.

We were best friends to begin with, so falling in love with you was the easiest thing I’ve ever done.

Being in love with you was the easiest thing I’ve done.

It was just so effortless. And now I’m starting to wonder if that’s not how love is supposed to be...

But thank-you, for loving me the best that you could. You might not think it was the best, but it was.

You’re a part of my life forever. Even if you’re not physically a part of it.

You, James Buchanan Barnes, have left a forever imprint in my life.

So for that I want to thank you and forgive you.

I will always remember you as the 7 year-old boy who taught me how to ride my bike.

-Elizabeth “Betty” Sanchez.

Elizabeth walked across the street and placed the sealed letter in the Barnes’ mailbox.

As she walked back to her house, she felt this heavy weight lifted off her shoulder.

Come that Monday morning she was going to accept, Principal Alvarez’s valedictorian offer. She was also going to talk to the student council and see if there was anyway for her to rejoin student body. She was also going to apologize to Steve. He was just an innocent bystander that got caught in the crossfire. She couldn’t blame him for standing by his best friend’s side.

Monday, her life will officially be going down a different path. One filled with less hatred, and more understanding and forgiveness.

————————-

Age: 35

Year: 2029

Location: Rhode Island

“We haven’t had any interested buyers in decades,” the relator tells the happy couple, “Because of that, the house is basically a steal. The family that owns it just wants it out of their possession.”

“Now, it is a bit of a fixer upper, since no one has lived here since the late 80s. But that shouldn’t be any issue for you since you’re married to the youngest recipient of the Pritzker Architecture Prize.”

The couple shares a brief smile with each other.

“But if I might ask, no one has every showed interest in this house, especially not a young family like yours. Why do you want to buy this house?”

“I think this house has been empty long enough. It’s time someone filled this house with lots of love and happiness. Like before,” Elizabeth smiled, small crows feet forming around her eyes.

“Well what better way then a family like yours,” the relator smiled, “There’s plenty of space for lots of kids.”

“This one is out last,” Steve smiled, putting his arm around Elizabeth, placing his hand on her growing belly.

“Three is enough for us,” She playfully poked Steve’s side.

They followed the relator to the back where two young children are running around playing.

“So what do you think?” Elizabeth whispered to Steve, looking up into his eyes.

“It’s definitely a fixer upper, but I love it,” he smiles, “Like I said before, wherever you go. I’m there.”

Elizabeth presses a soft kiss to Steve’s lips.

“Diane,” she calls out to the older relator who is running around with mini-me’s of Elizabeth and Steve.

“We’ll take it,” she smiles broadly.

[pink-peony-princess]

Thank you for loving me/S.M

"Baby, time to get up hon, you've got work in an hour," Shawn whispered in my ear, peppering kisses from my brow down to my chin. His calloused fingers- from his favourite hobby- the guitar- running up and down my arms.

"Mmm, morning," I smiled leaning up to meet his soft kiss.

"Is that coffee I smell?" I asked, sitting up slowly, pulling my (Shawn's) favourite over-sized sweater off the arm chair at the side of the bed and standing up only to be pulled into my favourite spot in the world, Shawn's warm embrace.

"Do you really think I'd be so silly as to wake you without the coffee pot at the ready?" he laughed, kissing my temple again, before taking my hand and leading me down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Both Shawn and I worked for the City of Toronto Fire Department, me as a recently qualified paramedic, and Shawn as a firefighter and paramedic. It had been a tough few months for me, the job was demanding and taxing, but I loved it, and I had Shawn and all my work mates to help guide me.

"Sit," he pointed to the barstool where a cup of coffee in my favourite mug and omelette was waiting.

"Ahhh I love you!" I groaned, flopping down in the chair, shovelling a piece of the fragrant food into my mouth.

"I take it it meets your expectations," he laughed, coming to sit next to me.

"Exceeds!" I mumbled around the next mouthful.

Am hour later and Shawn had dropped me at my station, before headed off across town again to his station.

As I made my way into the station the familiar sounds of saws, engines and various other equipment- once so threatening now seemed to welcome me home.

"Hey El." my work partner and paramedic in charge Jo called, coming to meet me at the locker room door.

"Morning, how are Eli and Felix today?" I asked referring to her two little boys.

"They're okay. Eli had a meltdown before school this morning at having to get out of bed, but once I reminded him that Mummy can't go to work and save people if he doesn't get up and go to school all was well. I swear if the kid doesn't become a firefighter or a paramedic himself one day I'll walk to the moon!" she laughed.

"Aw, he's so sweet, it's so cute how you're his idol, speaking of don't we have that school group coming today?"

"We were supposed to, but due to budget cuts'" she rolled her eyes "the department is no longer able to fund it, apparently it's too expensive and labour intensive to have people out of action."

I sighed," How are we supposed to encourage the next generation of they can't see it for themselves. I mean I became a paramedic because my school had a field trip to a firehouse."

"You're preaching to the choir here girl, you're preaching to the choir." she laughed, turning and walking out. I went about putting my stuff away before heading to the kitchen/common room where we all spent our time inbetween calls.

The day turned out to be a slow one and by eleven o'clock I was doing laundry- (only having been called out once) when Mo one of the longest serving fire fighters and overall cool dude appeared by the door.

"You've got a visitor El, there's someone waiting for you it on the apparatus floor."

"Thanks Mo, " I smiled, putting the clothes I had been folding down and heading out the door.

When I got to the apparatus floor, I was slightly shocked. There was Shawn, leaning casually against a Pilar waiting for me a brown bag in one hand- a bunch of sunflowers (my favourite) in the other.

"Shawn... What are you doing here?" I asked, still stunned.

He beamed running and picking me up.

"I had to come speak to chief Hachette about an arson case so I thought I'd surprise my girl. Do you have time for lunch?" he asked just as Jo walked out, stopping in her tracks. She looked so surprised I thought she was going to faint for a minute.

"And who's this?" she asked with a smile, coming over to stand in front of us where Shawn was still holding me.

"Jo meet Shawn." As soon as I said it I knew it was a mistake. A mischievous grin came over her face and I suddenly felt sick at all the intimate details I'd shared with her about our relationship on long nightshifts-mostly under duress, but still.

"Right so we're going to have lunch before we get another call," I spoke quickly, tugging at Shawn's arm to get him to walk before Jo had an opportunity to embarrass me.

"She seems nice," Shawn commented as we found a quiet spot to sit in the grass behind the firehouse.

"She is," I agreed as he handed me a turkey and Brie sandwich from my favourite deli downtown.

Half an hour later and lunch was done all too soon, duty unfortunately calling for Shawn leaving me alone to face the scrutiny of Jo.

"Girrlll, OMG, he's fiinnnee El. I hope you've locked him down cause I want me some of that," she spoke a million miles a minute running to catch up with me a la I made my way back into the common room and through to the laundry to finish folding the clothes from earlier.

"Well, speaking of," I dug around in my breast pocket, pulling out the engagement ring Shawn had proposed with over the weekend on a mini getaway to the Hamptons.

The scream that left Jo's mouth was louder than expected and sent the whole house into a frenzy. Mo and several of the other firefighters including Tiny and Bug to come running.

When they realised there was no actual issue they turned around grumbling about how we'd pulled then away from the basketball game theyd been placing bets on.

"So when, how, where all the details," she demanded grabbing my arm and jumping up and down. Just the thought of the romantic evening Shawn and I had spent made me giddy again.

However before I got a chance to response the bell went off overhead signalling an incoming call

"Main to 41... Possible GSW, 56th and Main."

I sighed.

It was probably some gang related drug issue again there were plenty of lovely people , but that side of town had a reputation.

"41 responding," I spoke into the radio on my shoulder l before running to the trick, jumping in and flicking the switch to the lights and sirens.

When we got to the scene all was well at first, the cops were already there assuring us it was safe to enter, however just as we were about to leave having treated a minor self inflicted wound a man brandishing a gun leapt from a concealed closet.

"Give me all the drugs you have b*TCH." He yelled before either Jo or I could take in what was happening.

"You know we can't do that sir," Jo spoke calmly. Moving to try to assess the man, who's head was bleeding heavily.

"I said give me the f*cking drugs b*TCH ."

He yelled again, storming towards me. The next few seconds were a blur, I heard a shots, there was immense pain in my abdomen and leg and then I crumpled to the floor, whacking my head in the process.

"El, El. Omg, stay with me." Jo panicked.

"41 to main we have an officer down, urgent assistance required for a GSW, EMS required now!" she shouted down her radio.

"Hurts," I gasped as the initial shock wore off and the pain hit, everything seemed to ache, my leg, my ribs, my head. The room was spinning and I was having trouble breathing no longer able to keep track of the flurry of activity.

Somewhere in the chaos,I'm not sure how long after the incident I heard his voice, Shawn's voice and at first I thought I was dreaming, but I managed to open my eyes and there he was, looking down at with with so much fear.

"It's alright baby, I'm here now, we're going to fix it up, you'll be just fine. Can you tell me where it hurts?" he asked.

I went to move, instinctively seeking his comfort, but he stopped me, and I instantly wanted to cry, more than I already was.

"You have to stay still Princess."

I let out a loud groan as he placed an oxygen mask over my face.

"El? Can you hear me?" I grunted, the effort of actually forming words seeming too hard right then. I could feel hands all over me, and as much as I just wanted to be left alone, I also knew , they were trying to help me.

"It hurts," I cried again.

"I know it does honey, but you're going to be okay. I'm here, and so is Connor and Jo, and we'll look after you, and then when we've got you all comfy we'll take you to get all fixed up, how does that sound?"

"Okay, lets get her onto the bed, and then we can assess her from there," Connor suggested, appearing by my side, with a back board and neck collar that Jo had brought over.

"Okay, we're going to roll you onto the board El just let us do all the work okay?" Shawn said.

I let out a serious of screams as they rolled me, gripping Shawn's gloved hand like my life depended on it.

"We'll get you sorted yeah?" Shawn tried to reassure me as they strapped me onto the bed so I was safe, and then starting to push the gurney out the door and towards the entrance of the ambulance which was no more than ten metres away.

"Shawn ," I whispered, tears falling down my face, mixing with the blood which I could feel was congelling on my face.

When we were in the ambulance Shawn and Jo attached me to the hundreds of leads which I was so used to attaching to others while I lay there helplessly.

"I've started some morphine," Jo patted my arm gently as Shawn pulled a blanket over my body as I drifted off into fairy land.

Ten minutes later and we were pulling into the emergency bay.

The automatic doors opened, where we were met with a hoard of staff, ready to assist, the first person being Brian, Shawn and my mutual friend and colleague.

The look of horror on his face when he saw that it was me on the gurney was unsettling.

"She's a priority one, bed four, resus," he directed Shawn, following behind. " What do we know?" He asked, starting to attach monitors and leads to me all over again.

"GSW on scene, while responding to an incident on the other side of town. Wound to leg and abdo, possible broken ribs and concussion." Shawn reeled off.

I wasn't aware that they'd even assessed me, clearly I'd lost consciousness at some point and I wasn't even aware of it.

I lay there mulling over this lapse in memory, letting the chaos wash over me like a wave.

The last thing I was aware of was Brian shouting orders at the floods of nurses, and Shawn standing helplessly in the corner, red-faced from crying, before everything went black.

"Ah, can you turn the lights off!" I groaned as I came to again, reaching to rip off whatever annoying piece of wiring was sitting over my face "My head hurts," I added as a dull.ache consumed my thoughts as Shawn's worried face came into view, his frame helping to block out the blinding light as he bent over the bed.

"Oh thank God I was so worried," he cried kissing me with so much force I forgot to breathe, making the monitor go crazy for a second. "How are you feeling he asked, stopping me from pulling at the thing on my face which turned out to be oxygen tubing

"What happened?" I asked,. I remembered the main.events but the rest was fuzzy, whether from my injuries or from the drugs I had no doubt been plied with I wasn't sure

"You were shot while on-call, drug exchange gone bad, you scared me so bad baby," he whispered, brushing hair out if my face as Brian made his way into the room clearing his throat to announce himself.

"Hi El, it's good to see you awake, how are you feeling?" He asked coming to check a few things on the monitors before flipping my chart that sat at the end of the bed open.

"So as you know you had two gun shot wounds, one to your left let and one to the abdomen, luckily for you they were both clean shots and we didn't need to do anything other than clean and irrigate the areas and stitch you up. You did however manage to fracture three ribs when you fell as well as sustaining a sizable concussion.

"So what does that mean work wise?" I asked. Shawn must have sensed my nerves, because he was sure to keep a hand intertwined with my, the other tracing soft patterns up and down my arm.

"We'll unfortunately, during the fall you fractured your tibia, which has left you in a cast, and pretty well imibilised, I'm sorry to say you'll be relying on this big guy-" he slapped Shawn in the back, "for the next week at least while everything settles.

You'll be in a cast for at least six weeks and off work from a minimum of two weeks with rehab worked in. Rest up El, give me a yell if ya need anything," he spoke to Shawn as he left the room.

"I'll lose my job," I cried, the thought of not being able to do what I loved terrified me.

"No you won't Brian said you'll be sore for a bit and need to rest, not that you'd lose your job, besides now you'll have a real reason to boss me around, I'll be your slave". He laughed covering .me with a blanket and lifting my bung leg to rest it in a pillow.

Besides when you're well enough there are some people who'd like to see you.

"Get some rest and we'll work it all out when you wake up.

True to his word, he helped me with everything, toileting, showering (which proved to be a challenge with the cast), dressing, getting up and down stairs, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, and forcing me to take pain medication when I was too stubborn to admit I needed it.

By the end of the first week though, I was miseeable,.not used to doing nothing but sitting in my behind.

"You my dear, need to get a coat on we're going out!" he announced, coming over with said coat and helping me to stuff my arms in.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"SSH, it's a secret," he grinned, before carrying me to the car and making sure I was all buckled up.

Half an hour later and we were pulling up to the firehouse, where a few of the guys were sat outside playing cards as we made our way (me hobbling haphazardly on crutches) into the firehouse

"Hero in the house!" Mo called out and they all came running.

"I'm so glad you're okay. You scared me girl." Jo sniffled coming to hug me.

"Ouch still a little sore." I laughed leaning into Shawn for support as she blubbered all over me.

"Well sore is better than the alternative.

If it weren't for this one," she pointed to Shawn "you'd be dead."

"You've got yourself a keeper,"Mo added with a smile.

"Well if Mo approves it must be true." I agreed. "I think I'll keep you." I added, causing everyone to laugh.

"Thank you," I whispered to Shawn when the others were out of ear shot.

"For what?" he asked.

"Just for being you and for loving me," I shrugged, snuggling futher into his embrace, feeling greatful just to be alive, let alone call this wonderful human mine.

[pinkpeonyprincessblog]

Thank you for Loving Me

"Baby, time to get up hon, you've got work in an hour", Shawn whispered in my ear, peppering kisses from my brow down to my chin. His calloused fingers- from his favourite hobby- the guitar- running up and down my arms.

"Mmm, morning," I smiled leaning up to meet his soft kiss.

"Is that coffee I smell?"I asked, sitting up slowly, pulling my (Shawn's) favourite over-sized sweater off the arm chair at the side of the bed and standing up only to be pulled into my favourite spot in the world, Shawn's warm embrace.

"Do you really think I'd be so silly as to wake you without the coffee pot at the ready?" he laughed, kissing my temple again, before taking my hand and leading me down the hallway and into the kitchen.

Both Shawn and I worked for the City of Toronto Fire Department, me as a recently qualified paramedic, and Shawn as a firefighter and paramedic. It had been a tough few months for me, the job was demanding and taxing, but I loved it, and I had Shawn and all my work mates to help guide me.

"Sit," he pointed to the barstool where a cup of coffee in my favourite mug and omelette was waiting.

"Ahhh I love you!" I groaned, flopping down in the chair, shovelling a piece of the fragrant food into my mouth.

"I take it it meets your expectations," he laughed, coming to sit next to me.

"Exceeds!" I mumbled around the next mouthful.

Am hour later and Shawn had dropped me at my station, before headed off across town again to his station.

As I made my way into the station the familiar sounds of saws, engines and various other equipment- once so threatening now seemed to welcome me home.

"Hey El.", my work partner and paramedic in charge Jo called, coming to meet me at the locker room door.

"Morning, how are Eli and Felix today?" I asked referring to her two little boys.

"They're okay. Eli had a meltdown before school this morning at having to get out of bed, but once I reminded him that Mummy can't go to work and save people if he doesn't get up and go to school all was well. I swear if the kid doesn't become a firefighter or a paramedic himself one day I'll walk to the moon!" she laughed.

"Aw, he's so sweet, it's so cute how you're his idol, speaking of don't we have that school group coming today?"

"We were supposed to, but due to budget cuts'" she rolled her eyes "the department is no longer able to fund it, apparently it's too expensive and labour intensive to have people out of action."

I sighed, "How are we supposed to encourage the next generation of they can't see it for themselves. I mean I became a paramedic because my school had a field trip to a firehouse."

"You're preaching to the choir here girl, you're preaching to the choir." she laughed, turning and walking out. I went about putting my stuff away before heading to the kitchen/common room where we all spent our time inbetween calls.

The day turned out to be a slow one and by eleven o'clock I was doing laundry- (only having been called out once) when Mo one of the longest serving fire fighters and overall cool dude appeared by the door.

"You've got a visitor El l, there's someone waiting for you it on the apparatus floor."

"Thanks Mo, " I smiled, putting the clothes I had been folding down and heading out the door.

When I got to the apparatus floor, I was slightly shocked. There was Shawn, leaning casually against a Pilar waiting for me a brown bag in one hand- a bunch of sunflowers (my favourite) in the other.

"Shawn... What are you doing here?"I asked, still stunned.

He beamed running and picking me up.

"I had to come speak to chief Hachette about an arson case so I thought I'd surprise my girl.Do you have time for lunch?" he asked just as Jo walked out, stopping in her tracks. She looked so surprised I thought she was going to faint for a minute.

"And who's this?" she asked with a smile, coming over to stand in front of us where Shawn was still holding me.

"Jo meet Shawn." As soon as I said it I knew it was a mistake. A mischievous grin came over her face and I suddenly felt sick at all the intimate details I'd shared with her about our relationship on long nightshifts-mostly under duress, but still.

"Right so we're going to have lunch before we get another call," I spoke quickly, tugging at Shawn's arm to get him to walk before Jo had an opportunity to embarrass me.

"She seems nice," Shawn commented as we found a quiet spot to sit in the grass behind the firehouse.

"She is." I agreed as he handed me a turkey and Brie sandwich from my favourite deli downtown.

Half an hour later and lunch was done all too soon, duty unfortunately calling for Shawn leaving me alone to face the scrutiny of Jo.

"Girrlll, OMG, he's fiinnnee El. I hope youve locked him down cause I want me some of that." she spoke a million miles a minute running to catch up with me a la I made my way back into the common room and through to the laundry to finish folding the clothes from earlier.

"Well, speaking of... " I dug around in my breast pocket, pulling out the engagement ring Shawn had proposed with over the weekend on a mini getaway to the Hamptons.

The scream that left Jo's mouth was louder than expected and sent the whole house into a frenzy. Mo and several of the other firefighters including Tiny and Bug to come running.

When they realised there was no actual issue they turned around grumbling about how we'd pulled then away from the basketball game theyd been placing bets on.

"So when, how, where all the details," she demanded grabbing my arm and jumping up and down. Just the thought of the romantic evening Shawn and I had spent made me giddy again.

However before I got a chance to response the bell went off overhead signalling an incoming call

"Main to 41... Possible GSW, 56th and Main."

I sighed.

It was probably some gang related drug issue again.there were plenty of lovely people , but that side of town had a reputation.

"41 responding," I spoke into the radio, before flicking the switch to the lights and sirens.

When we got to the scene all was well at first, the cops were already there assuring us it was safe to enter, however just as we were about to leave having treated a minor self inflicted wound a man brandishing a gun leapt from a concealed closet.

"Give me all the drugs you have b*TCH." He yelled before either Jo or I could take in what was happening.

"You know we can't do that sir," Jo spoke calmly. Moving to try to assess the man, who's head was bleeding heavily.

"I said give me the f*cking drugs b*TCH ."

He yelled again, storming towards me. The next few seconds were a blur, I heard a shots, there was immense pain in my abdomen and leg and then I crumpled to the floor, whacking my head in the process.

"El, El. Omg, stay with me." Jo panicked.

"41 to main we have an officer down, urgent assistance required for a GSW, EMS required now!" she shouted down her radio.

"Hurts," I gasped as the initial shock wore off and the pain hit, everything seemed to ache, my leg, my ribs, my head. The room was spinning and I was having trouble breathing no longer able to keep track of the flurry of activity.

Somewhere in the chaos,I'm not sure how long after the incident I heard his voice, Shawn's voice and at first I thought I was dreaming, but I managed to open my eyes and there he was, looking down at with with so much fear.

"It's alright baby, I'm here now, we're going to fix it up, you'll be just fine. Can you tell me where it hurts?" he asked.

I went to move, instinctively seeking his comfort, but he stopped me, and I instantly wanted to cry, more than I already was.

"You have to stay still Princess."

I let out a loud groan as he placed an oxygen mask over my face.

"El? Can you hear me?" I grunted, the effort of actually forming words seeming too hard right then. I could feel hands all over me, and as much as I just wanted to be left alone, I also knew , they were trying to help me.

"It hurts," I cried again.

"I know it does honey, but you're going to be okay. I'm here, and so is Connor and Jo, and we'll look after you, and then when we've got you all comfy we'll take you to get all fixed up, how does that sound?"

"Okay, lets get her onto the bed, and then we can assess her from there," Connor suggested, appearing by my side, with a back board and neck collar that Jo had brought over.

"Okay, we're going to roll you onto the board El just let us do all the work okay?" Shawn said.

I let out a serious of screams as they rolled me, gripping Shawn's gloved hand like my life depended on it.

"We'll get you sorted yeah?" Shawn tried to reassure me as they strapped me onto the bed so I was safe, and then starting to push the gurney out the door and towards the entrance of the ambulance which was no more than ten metres away.

"Shawn ," I whispered, tears falling down my face, mixing with the blood which I could feel was congelling on my face.

When we were in the ambulance Shawn and Jo attached me to the hundreds of leads which I was so used to attaching to others while I lay there helplessly.

"I've started some morphine," Jo patted my arm gently as Shawn pulled a blanket over my body as I drifted off into fairy land.

Ten minutes later and we were pulling into the emergency bay.

The automatic doors opened, where we were met with a hoard of staff, ready to assist, the first person being Brian, Shawn and my mutual friend and colleague.

The look of horror on his face when he saw that it was me on the gurney was unsettling.

"She's a priority one, bed four, resus," he directed Shawn, following behind. " What do we know?" He asked, starting to attach monitors and leads to me all over again.

"GSW on scene, while responding to an incident on the other side of town. Wound to leg and abdo, possible broken ribs and concussion." Shawn reeled off.

I wasn't aware that they'd even assessed me, clearly I'd lost consciousness at some point and I wasn't even aware of it.

I lay there mulling over this lapse in memory, letting the chaos wash over me like a wave.

The last thing I was aware of was Brian shouting orders at the floods of nurses, and Shawn standing helplessly in the corner, red-faced from crying, before everything went black.

"Ah, can you turn the lights off!" I groaned as I came to again, reaching to rip off whatever annoying piece of wiring was sitting over my face "My head hurts," I added as a dull.ache consumed my thoughts as Shawn's worried face came into view, his frame helping to block out the blinding light as he bent over the bed.

"Oh thank God I was so worried," he cried kissing me with so much force I forgot to breathe, making the monitor go crazy for a second. "How are you feeling he asked, stopping me from pulling at the thing on my face which turned out to be oxygen tubing

"What happened?" I asked,. I remembered the main.events but the rest was fuzzy, whether from my injuries or from the drugs I had no doubt been plied with I wasn't sure

"You were shot while on-call, drug exchange gone bad, you scared me so bad baby," he whispered, brushing hair out if my face as Brian made his way into the room clearing his throat to announce himself.

"Hi El, it's good to see you awake, how are you feeling?" He asked coming to check a few things on the monitors before flipping my chart that sat at the end of the bed open.

"So as you know you had two gun shot wounds, one to your left let and one to the abdomen, luckily for you they were both clean shots and we didn't need to do anything other than clean and irrigate the areas and stitch you up. You did however manage to fracture three ribs when you fell as well as sustaining a sizable concussion.

"So what does that mean work wise?" I asked. Shawn must have sensed my nerves, because he was sure to keep a hand intertwined with my, the other tracing soft patterns up and down my arm.

"We'll unfortunately, during the fall you fractured your tibia, which has left you in a cast, and pretty well imibilised, I'm sorry to say you'll be relying on this big guy-" he slapped Shawn in the back, "for the next week at least while everything settles.

You'll be in a cast for at least six weeks and off work from a minimum of two weeks with rehab worked in. Rest up El, give me a yell if ya need anything," he spoke to Shawn as he left the room.

"I'll lose my job," I cried, the thought of not being able to do what I loved terrified me.

"No you won't Brian said you'll be sore for a bit and need to rest, not that you'd lose your job, besides now you'll have a real reason to boss me around, I'll be your slave". He laughed covering .me with a blanket and lifting my bung leg to rest it in a pillow.

Besides when you're well enough there are some people who'd like to see you.

"Get some rest and we'll work it all out when you wake up.

True to his word, he helped me with everything, toileting, showering (which proved to be a challenge with the cast), dressing, getting up and down stairs, making breakfast, lunch and dinner, and forcing me to take pain medication when I was too stubborn to admit I needed it.

By the end of the first week though, I was miseeable,.not used to doing nothing but sitting in my behind.

"You my dear, need to get a coat on we're going out!" he announced, coming over with said coat and helping me to stuff my arms in.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"SSH, it's a secret," he grinned, before carrying me to the car and making sure I was all buckled up.

Half an hour later and we were pulling up to the firehouse, where a few of the guys were sat outside playing cards as we made our way (me hobbling haphazardly on crutches) into the firehouse

"Hero in the house!" Mo called out and they all came running.

"I'm so glad you're okay. You scared me girl." Jo sniffled coming to hug me.

"Ouch still a little sore." I laughed leaning into Shawn for support as she blubbered all over me.

"Well sore is better than the alternative.

If it weren't for this one," she pointed to Shawn "you'd be dead."

"You've got yourself a keeper,"Mo added with a smile.

"Well if Mo approves it must be true." I agreed. "I think I'll keep you." I added, causing everyone to laugh.

"Thank you," I whispered to Shawn when the others were out of ear shot.

"For what?" he asked.

"Just for being you and for loving me," I shrugged, snuggling futher into his embrace, feeling greatful just to be alive, let alone call this wonderful human mine.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: What it is, right, your twin left her coat at CG earlier & it's my neck if it's not back in her hands by me next shift Jimmy: pass it on Janis: Hmm Janis: Are you sure you've got the right person here? Jimmy: Grace Cavante is your sister isn't she? One of Janis: Unfortunately Janis: No doubt she'd rather you gave it to her yourself and that feeling is mutual, like Janis: Get a clue, lad Janis: couldn't be less obvious 'less she left her knickers Jimmy: Stop your chatting, a sec Jimmy: nowt's mutual that's why I'm asking you to get it, not her Jimmy: The resale's nowt either, I had a look Janis: You're in my inbox? Janis: Knew you were lost Janis: Poor Gracie, first you pie her then you call her cheap, gutted Jimmy: I've been round your family tree about 4 times Jimmy: Can't call myself lost Jimmy: You gonna grab this or nah? Janis: Unlucky, but I ain't gonna cry for you Janis: Wrong twin, again like Janis: What's in it for me? Already told me I can't flog it Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: well I'd shout you a muffin but if you're anything like her, I'll be the one eating it when you don't & I'm watching my figure meself Jimmy: guess the pleasure of my company works if you are? Janis: Tell you ain't from 'round here Janis: No 🍀 Janis: Nothing like her Jimmy: sounds more like my luck's finally in Jimmy: got enough stalkers Jimmy: more than I've done shifts Jimmy: what you want then, other twin? Janis: Not that I doubt how special you are Janis: I completely do, by the way Janis: You get to thinking how you can make me having to fucking regale every detail of this frankly riveting convo to my sister worthwhile and I'll get to walking, yeah? Jimmy: You wound me, girl 💔💔💔💔 Jimmy: I sought you out, whereas she's been in my inbox unread since my moving in date, that'd do for starters Janis: If the situation's a dire as you reckon, you'll have plenty consolation, boy Janis: Welcome Janis: State, honestly Jimmy: You're my consolation if you do me this delivery Jimmy: feeding me to the wolves in lipstick if you don't, basically Jimmy: 'ave it on your conscience if you want, mate Janis: Fucking Hell, if I start atoning for all her cringe or offering myself up as 'consolation' to every lad she makes a tit out of herself in front of I'll never get anything done Janis: Ugh, alright, brains, do your job for you as well, shall I? Just put your mate's number on her to-go 'stead of yours, yeah? Jimmy: alright but how many of 'em are coming to you direct for help, I'm making myself look as much of a tit here, aren't I? Jimmy: brutal you Jimmy: newbies don't have mates to throw under buses Janis: Well, don't be fooled by how available I seem Janis: phone never stops, like Jimmy: I'll find another way then Jimmy: if you stop by for coffee I'll misspell your name like we never chatted, don't worry Janis: Barista bants, how cute Janis: Whatever, it's on my route, I can get it tomorrow AM Jimmy: what you prefer, Janet or Janice? Let me know Janis: 😑 Janis: If you want my sister to ride you, keep on taking the piss, she'll love that, like Jimmy: if you want me to be nice to you, keep using your sister for that A+ excuse Jimmy: 'cause nah, there's nowt more appealing than her getting on her bike Janis: Ha, fuck off, you're the one with a tips jar and manager to keep happy, dickhead Janis: I'm not saying she's not fussy, I'm just saying it might take me several cups of coffee to give you enough 3rd degree burns for her to be #overit Jimmy: funny Jimmy: & im just saying I'd rather give me ex a bell & have her do her worst ruining my life long distance Janis: Worth a shot then, isn't it? Janis: Just try and be less Janis: this Janis: she might reckon you're a changed man Jimmy: is it gonna change your sister's mind about me if I do? Jimmy: 'cause her mates have homewrecker written all over 'em Janis: It was a poor choice of friendship tat, yeah but they ain't the brightest, bless Janis: idk, probably help if the girl was real, mate Jimmy: she is real but shes also real far away Jimmy: & really hates me Jimmy: that's mutual unlike the attraction your little twin is harboring 💔 Janis: 💔 Janis: fuck someone here then, ain't gotta be all 💕 just look enough like it that they write you off their hit lists, yeah Jimmy: proper romantic you Jimmy: I'll go back to the drawing board if its all the same Jimmy: don't need another lass falling for me, do I? Janis: 🙄 Janis: If I had such an easy out, I'd use it Janis: fucking blood ties, such bullshit, along with romance but there we go Jimmy: Easy? yeah alright, Juliet Janis: Not saying you've gotta off yourself with the poor bitch, steady on, though peak 💘 so it is Janis: You're either a 😻 magnet or you ain't, can't have it both ways Jimmy: I just wanna be left alone Jimmy: shouldn't be a lot to ask but until I master leprechaun for fuck off, it apparently is Janis: Preaching to the choir...nah, fuck that, preaching to the big man himself Janis: You work it out, you've got my details now you fucking stalker so hmu then and not before k Jimmy: you know the saying, get stalked enough, become fucked off enough by it to become the stalker Jimmy: or summat Janis: Tragic Janis: No doubt you coulda been something, kid Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: still could Jimmy: if you help me Janis: I don't know how to make a latte, soz Jimmy: not a requirement of dating me, and yeah, my boss is gutted Janis: you what? Jimmy: go out with me Jimmy: you said yourself it don't have to be a love story Janis: um yeah but you should both at least be somewhat into it, ideal world Janis: know you already called me out as the romantic here but Jimmy: nah, you're what I need Jimmy: I won't get tempted Jimmy: keep it easy, like you also said Janis: 🖕 Janis: Like I said, show me how it's worth my time and I will Jimmy: your sister would hate it Jimmy: not like I'm asking you to marry me, you look enough like her that'd be like asking myself to honeymoon in Vietnam Janis: You're a cunt, also, obviously not well-traveled Janis: say what you like Janis: it would be amusing to piss her off and I'm always up for finding new ways Jimmy: so you in? Jimmy: 3 date minimum Janis: You mean I actually have to spend time with you? Jimmy: as long as people think you are, do what you want Janis: Fill your boots Janis: but don't just be saying I let you finger me on your lunch break, like, that isn't working on anyone, least of all my sister and her stupid mates Jimmy: come get your sister's coat and we'll make the magic happen Jimmy: coupley pics and #s will work Jimmy: all they do is sip & scroll Janis: How magical can you really be, then? 😏 Janis: Fuck it, worth it just to piss her grafting you down the drain Jimmy: I'll fake rock your world, Jasmine Janis: Sure 👌 Make me forget my name half as many times as you have and you'll have fucked enough brain cells out to make me a thick Northern twat, clearly Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: hope you're a better actress than you are sweet talker, love Janis: That ain't the one, fucking hell Janis: pick a better petname if we ain't taking time to remember Jimmy: let me know what you want me to call you Jimmy: Baby, right? I bet you're one of them girls Janis: 😒 Hilarious Janis: My daddy issues are pretty non-existent, soz to report Jimmy: what then? Jimmy: Can't call you Juliet if you aren't ride or die for me, darling Janis: I'm remember your unfortunate accent now Janis: it's probably best you don't speak Jimmy: strong, silent type Jimmy: Alright Jimmy: 👍 Janis: It's your fantasy, kid Janis: Big yourself up however you gotta Jimmy: fantasy? nah Jimmy: necessity Janis: You've not gotta warn me Janis: Not swooning over this chat Jimmy: 💔 Janis: We're all gutted Janis: push that down and smile for the 'gram Jimmy: 😁 Janis: That's the spirit Jimmy: I know yours is more 😏 Jimmy: control yourself if you can, Jenna Janis: Make no promises to control myself so Janis: 👊 behave or deal Jimmy: make one or its off Jimmy: your sister & his mates break enough of my boundaries Janis: If the problem is they're swinging for you, I'm gonna go right ahead and victim blame Jimmy: probably keep that off the 'gram, girl Janis: We laying down ground rules here and now, yeah? Jimmy: you got something else on? Janis: It's the Easter hols Janis: so no Janis: fuck all Jimmy: then may as well Janis: Alright Janis: No posting without getting the other's go ahead first Jimmy: done Jimmy: same goes for agreeing to go somewhere/do something as the power couple we're pretending to be Janis: 'Course Jimmy: & if you tell your sister summat let me know too 'cause she loves questioning me over her coffee Janis: Ha Janis: I do my level best to avoid her but easy Jimmy: you're not gonna brag about what a good boyfriend I am 💔 Janis: We'll have to work out how good you are first, like Jimmy: good enough that I'm off limits your sister & her mates Jimmy: no more no less Janis: Can do that Jimmy: don't fall in love with me for real, can you do that? Janis: 😏 Are you for real? Janis: Ego to go with the accent, is it Jimmy: just checking you're not like your sister for real Jimmy: could be protesting too much for all I know Janis: And this could just be a really bad come on for all I know Janis: we'll have to trust on this one thing, deal? Jimmy: Yeah Janis: Sorted Janis: Make me sound good, as I will be for you Jimmy: how good? Jimmy: nobody knows my dating history, what's yours? Janis: Likewise Janis: all you gotta do is make it realistic enough that people stop asking if I'm a dyke Jimmy: Easy Jimmy: Are you a take it slow girl or hook up on date 1 type? Janis: Won't be getting that graphic on the 'gram, leave it out Jimmy: But it won't stay on the 'gram, will it? Jimmy: People chat Jimmy: what reputation do you want? Janis: Probably better to not be a slag init Jimmy: but don't be keeping me waiting too long if you don't wanna sound gay Janis: alright, irresistable Janis: 2nd date, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't, by the way Jimmy: Don't matter Janis: Does Janis: Who needs the pressure of being a beard? This ain't what this is, got it Jimmy: It'd be less pressure, probably Jimmy: you'd be better at faking it Janis: Sorry to disappoint you and all the girls 😒 Jimmy: if its the only time you're gonna, I'll cope Janis: Naturally Janis: Aim to please Jimmy: save it for the 'gram, Judith Janis: Reckon I'm being nice rn? Janis: Poor boy 💔 Jimmy: nice matters less than gay Jimmy: Don't wanna be your mate Janis: Good thing too, aiming to please here, keep up Janis: just saying, starting to doubt how 😍 they are now Jimmy: come see for yourself Jimmy: I'm working as we speak Janis: 😏 Wow so hot Jimmy: it could be if you're ready to kick this off Janis: Why not? Janis: Sooner we get it done sooner we'll see results Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: Laters, babes Jimmy: Cute Janis: That's why you're with me Jimmy: I'm not yet Janis: You're gonna be salty 'cos I won't ride you in your hipster hangout today? 😂 Jimmy: I'm getting paid to be here, you're the one hanging out Janis: I'm picking up the bitch's coat, piss off Jimmy: You could do that when we close Jimmy: You're coming to see me Janis: You do this much? Janis: Suspiciously good at it Jimmy: Which bit? Janis: The bit where you fake a relationship Janis: Good tactic to get bare girls, like or what Jimmy: You're my first 💕 Jimmy: don't let it go to your head, Josephine Janis: as much as that'd get 'em throwing out the #goals Janis: secret's safe with me, boy Jimmy: 👍 Jimmy: don't have to go to these lengths up north Jimmy: girls just get if you're interested or nah Janis: 💔 it's a shithole, mate Janis: didn't you get told before leaving t'mines Jimmy: must've had too much coal in my ears or summat Janis: Don't know what you got 'til it's gone Janis: interested and interesting bitches included, obvs Jimmy: not only a pretty face you Jimmy: got it going on in your head too Jimmy: lucky me Jimmy: 😍😍😍😍 Janis: Yeah yeah Janis: Better take back what you said 'bout the leprechauns now you're coming up 🍀&🌹 Jimmy: if you save the humble for the #s I'll think about it Janis: Never been accused of being humble Janis: I guess the gay or nay is more pressing Jimmy: never checked a mirror or nowt, neither? Janis: 'Course, gotta spot myself at the gym, ain't I Jimmy: you can agree you're pretty then Jimmy: not an ugly duckling story either Janis: What's it matter, like Jimmy: im not fake dating one of them girls Jimmy: hates herself but still takes selfies Janis: that's another rule? i'll be thinking on my next then Jimmy: Can't prop up your self esteem Janis: Don't worry 'bout me, fake worry or otherwise ain't necessary Jimmy: I won't Jimmy: all worried out Jimmy: fake & real Janis: 🎻 Jimmy: customer service deserves a pity orchestra Jimmy: alright for you, rich girl Janis: I'll hire one out for date three if you earn it Janis: so 💸 Jimmy: just gimme the money Jimmy: if this was a naff teen rom com, I'd charge per date Janis: If I was richer, older and lonelier, you mean Janis: and you were desperate enough to be a rent boy Janis: you'd actually have to put out though so let's not Jimmy: only if I wanted top money Jimmy: the in it for the chit chat option would be more than I make at CG Janis: Then I hope to fuck you're a better fuck than you are bringing it with the chat, darling, no one is paying for this Jimmy: I'm not trying to impress you Jimmy: pay me and I'll be charming Janis: I'm not trying to pay Janis: Not that hard up, but tah Jimmy: don't complain about what you get then Janis: You ain't telling me what I can and can't do, babe Jimmy: I'm telling you I'm not here to listen to you whinge, babe Jimmy: Get a real boyfriend for that Janis: Have you tried talking to any of my sister's mates Janis: I really think it'll solve this whole thing Jimmy: I talk to 'em every shift Janis: That's not real Janis: that's wage slave robotics Jimmy: neither is this Janis: Whatever, do this at them then Janis: However fit you are, it ain't worth all this Janis: though, probably had worse, hm Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: bad boy baristas are this year's...whatever last year's fad was Jimmy: whatever I say that's brutal I'm playing hard to get Jimmy: 🎻 Janis: 🤢 Ick Janis: last year's fad was the clap so like, careful Jimmy: I repeat, you're what I need Jimmy: nothing else has worked Janis: 😍 Janis: I said yes, didn't I Janis: it'll be sorted Jimmy: are you on your way? Jimmy: 'cause it won't be 'til then Janis: Keen Janis: Yeah, though, gimme 10 Jimmy: try and look like someone capable of getting my attention Janis: I'm not giving myself a shit fringe for you Janis: get some taste Jimmy: you don't know my tastes, Joanne Janis: I can guess Janis: and be right Jimmy: go for it Jimmy: try Janis: any bitch described in any indie song ever Janis: not like other girls 'cept like all the other girls at the shitty pub/gig drinking pints 'cos you'll think it's dead cool, like her tongue piercing and real leather jacket Jimmy: thats racist Jimmy: just 'cause I know all the lyrics to Wonderwall Janis: 😂 Janis: like glass, boy Jimmy: I hope you're better at pretending to know what I like Janis: I know I ain't wrong but you can have the automatic upgrade for free Jimmy: Funny Janis: What, now I'm TOO confident? Jimmy: Nah, too obvious Janis: Err, me or your lack of taste? Jimmy: you Janis: How Janis: Fucking cheek Jimmy: You've pulled the first cliche you could out of your arse Jimmy: is how Janis: I'm sooooo sorry Janis: sure she seemed really special and unique at the time Jimmy: I'm sorry that you're just like your sister Janis: Now who's chatting out their arse Jimmy: still you Jimmy: she don't know me either but she reckons she knows my tastes too Janis: and you don't know me, you barely know the bits of her she wants you to, like Jimmy: I'm not trying to even fake know you Janis: Mutual, hence idc what you fuck Janis: and it was a joke, fucking hell boy Jimmy: funny you Jimmy: like I said Janis: So you keep saying Janis: go do some work, i'm just killing time on the bus Jimmy: I'm working harder than you Jimmy: this chat is a slog without all the coffee I'm slinging between the lines Janis: Do one then? Save it for the 'gram, rule no.1 Jimmy: 👋 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: what do you do that isn't shit coffee there Jimmy: drinks or food? Janis: Drinks Jimmy: shitter tea, tasteless milkshakes & minging smoothies Janis: 🙄 Joy Janis: if you can make the smoothie at least healthy as well as minging, do that Jimmy: I can make it taste alright if you keep that off the 'gram Janis: That's big talk, babe Jimmy: secret menus aren't just for starbucks Jimmy: I'm here all day I have to make some shit edible for myself Janis: Fair Janis: I'm willing to be impressed by the smoothie skillz at least Jimmy: Challenge accepted Janis: I'll be brutally honest, idc if you are bae Jimmy: calling me bae is more brutal Jimmy: hate that Janis: 😂 awh bae Jimmy: leave off, Jill Janis: hot and cold, you Jimmy: 💔 Janis: tell me 'bout it Janis: planning our fake breakup already Jimmy: Are you? Janis: that's the fun bit, right? Jimmy: make me look better than my ex did and it'll be a start Janis: i'll break your heart Janis: that's the reputation i'll take Jimmy: 😂 Jimmy: steady Janis: 🤷 Janis: i want what i want boy Jimmy: you think you're having my heart? how many dates we going on? Janis: work fast Janis: faster than i'm letting you Jimmy: up yourself you Janis: rich 😏 Jimmy: yeah you are, don't rub it in, girl Janis: I ain't though Janis: like you said, her coat's shit Jimmy: means she's got shit taste not a lack of funds Janis: You can't be rich with 10 kids Janis: trust Jimmy: you could Jimmy: could be a princess for all I know Janis: 😂 what kind of deep cover is this Janis: living in this hole Janis: going to that school, sure Jimmy: #humble Janis: funny Janis: you wish Jimmy: Why? Jimmy: I don't care what you are, do I Janis: 💸 and clout would be an undeniable bonus, regardless Jimmy: I told you, I wanna be left alone, clout is the opposite of that Jimmy: & I don't need your money, girl Janis: Okay so you can't be bought, get you Jimmy: that's not what we're doing here Janis: I know Janis: Serious Janis: you're just easy to take the piss outta Jimmy: piss off Janis: I'll turn around now, like Jimmy: go on then Jimmy: I'm not having the threat of you walking hanging over me head Janis: So serious Janis: Not a princess with a driver, there's no changing the bus route on the rest of this lot now Janis: no matter how moody you get Jimmy: I've got a kid sister I ain't babysitting you too Jimmy: Be serious Janis: Yeah yeah Jimmy: Or call it off Janis: Nah Jimmy: It's not a yeah or nah question Jimmy: it's me saying don't half arse fake dating me Janis: I ain't going to Janis: like you said, this ain't real, and ain't how it's gonna be but can't prove that 'til I get there Jimmy: 👌 Janis: That ain't a response either Janis: I ain't the only one with something to prove Jimmy: Show your face & I will Janis: Try not to look too disappointed Janis: don't doubt some of your fangirls will be watching Jimmy: How many times do you want me to tell you you're pretty when nobody's listening? Janis: Shut up Janis: That ain't what I meant Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: See? Don't start Janis: 😍 only dickhead Jimmy: calm down, dickhead Jimmy: I've got this Janis: First time, you admitted as much Jimmy: Faking it, yeah Jimmy: I've done it for real, that's harder Janis: You reckon Jimmy: I don't care what you think so yeah Jimmy: As long as it looks good it don't matter if it is Janis: That's same as the real thing let's not lie Jimmy: Nah Janis: Agree to disagree, darling Jimmy: Disagree and tell you to shut your face, Jodie Janis: Save it for your ex, Romeo Janis: 💘 such a romantic Jimmy: If I was, she wouldn't be an ex, would she? Janis: Giving you benefit of doubt Janis: LDR never works, you're a 15 year old boy Janis: got like what, 13 more before you find the one, isn't it? Jimmy: what makes you think long distance is what ex-ed her? Jimmy: I never said that Janis: Guess not Jimmy: You don't have to fake knowledge about me Jimmy: nobody's asking who came before Janis: You don't know girls if you think that Janis: undoubtly scoping their profiles as we speak Jimmy: don't doubt they have but they won't find owt Janis: not gutted for 'em Jimmy: only yourself Jimmy: you'll have to keep faking knowing everything Janis: suits me fine, boy Janis: the truth don't interest me none Jimmy: spoken like a decent liar Janis: you know it Janis: truly your lucky day Jimmy: 😍 Janis: Ready? Jimmy: If you are Janis: Fuck it Janis: Why not Jimmy: see, romance ain't dead 💕 Jimmy: how could I refuse? Janis: in it for the smoothie Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: got time to spit in it still Janis: Don't you dare Janis: Will actually fuck you up Jimmy: Get used to it, you're gonna have to kiss me Janis: Disgusting Jimmy: Sweet talking again Jimmy: Jeez, June, steady on Janis: You're the one bringing up necking when I've not even got in the door Jimmy: Are you ready or aren't you? Janis: 'Course I am Jimmy: then I can talk about it, can't I? Jimmy: it's too late for a no kissing rule Janis: If that's how you deal with bricking it Jimmy: piss off Janis: Too late now, babe Jimmy: it's not Janis: ? Jimmy: we don't have to do this if you're shitting yourself Janis: bitch, please Jimmy: I'm not gonna be your bitch, babe Janis: Not the pet name you want then? Jimmy: 🖕 Janis: Have plenty of time to think on it when you're swooning 😉 Jimmy: It's so funny that you believe you'll able to think on anything Janis: 😏 Mhmm Janis: catch me mentally writing my shopping list to pass the time during Jimmy: You aren't even a good liar in private Jimmy: We're doomed Janis: Shut up Janis: Not seen such a romance since Kate and Leo Jimmy: 🎻 doomed, mate Janis: you wanna go down with the ship so bad Janis: drama 👑 Jimmy: I want you to put your riches where your big mouth is Jimmy: Stop your chatting and come on Janis: Keen as Janis: I'm nearly there, stop pining, it's embarrassing Jimmy: You're such a dickhead Jimmy: Maybe I should just date your sister Janis: Go on Janis: I ain't gonna save you from the literal slag pile of exes, you ain't deserve it Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: you don't deserve me Jimmy: well snide you Janis: You love it Jimmy: not having my 💘 Joan, I told you Janis: i don't want it Janis: just gonna 💔 it and bounce Jimmy: 😂 Janis: k i'm coming in guard your 💘 and 👀 'cos i look 🔥 Jimmy: I'll judge that Janis: you forgot what we're doing here or what Jimmy: If we're dating you gotta bring it as my girlfriend Jimmy: so nah Janis: 🙄 Janis: 'cos you look so fit in your stupid uniform 👌 Jimmy: We're meant to be improving your rep not trashing mine Jimmy: & yeah I do 👌 Janis: Really? Nothing to do with how scared you are of these crazy bitches k Jimmy: fed up ain't scared Janis: still Janis: you need me Janis: don't forget it, pal Jimmy: I won't if you don't, mate

[punkscowardschampions]

Fearghal & Fraze

Fearghal: Your sister has had the baby, 10.30 ish this morning, both healthy, no complications Fraze: Cheers for letting me know Fraze: I'll have to give her a bell when she's home Fearghal: Yeah about that Fearghal: if you could give her a couple of days, it'd be greatly appreciated Fraze: What's the craic? Caleb being a twat again like or what? Fearghal: No, well, not exactly but there is some shit she needs to get in order Fearghal: on strict orders to tell you all as much as you need so you're not worried but she'll give you the rest in her own time Fearghal: thought I'd get to you sharpish, on the off chance Ro wants to talk to Bea about it Fearghal: Know they don't usually talk but, she might, I dunno Fraze: Fucking hell Fraze: The kid got two healthy heads? Fearghal: As good as, son Fearghal: that's how it feels Fearghal: The kid ain't Calebs Fearghal: obviously so, you understand Fraze: Jesus Christ Fraze: It's white, ain't it? Fraze: What's Ali doing about it Fearghal: Right Fearghal: Keeping it of course Fearghal: but that has everything else a bit up in the air, her and the lad, he's meant to be going off to Singapore with her Fraze: Does she know who the other lucky lad is? Maybe he'll take the plane seat Fearghal: Oi, enough of that Fearghal: She does and it isn't fucking likely Fraze: Calm down, da, you know I've got her back Fraze: You gonna go round there and sort him? You ain't getting any younger, gotta be careful Fearghal: Fucking cheek Fearghal: Don't think there's much point, no talking to some people and anyway, what do I do for the best? Fearghal: She doesn't want him, get nothing forcing a piece of shit Father on the poor little sod Fearghal: Might be better off with him out of it frankly Fraze: She knows how to pick 'em Fearghal: Sound like your Mother, boy Fearghal: can't say he doesn't love his kids Fraze: Poor cunt Fraze: I'd go mad Fearghal: Same Fearghal: its not all it sounds, she's not cheated or been reckless but Fearghal: I'll let her explain herself Fearghal: Poor kid, all she's been doing since Fraze: It's a head fuck all round Fraze: Fair play if she's got any words Fearghal: She needs all the support she can get right now Fearghal: that's all we need from you lot, got it? Fraze: yeah yeah old man I hear you Fraze: What you think, I'm gonna wet the baby's head and drown the poor fucker Fraze: Come on Fearghal: You're not exactly known for your tact, are ya son Fearghal: Hence the preparation so you don't say something really fucking stupid Fraze: She's still my sister even if she is making a holy show of it Fearghal: None of you are angels Fearghal: but we're family, its a life sentence, no parole Fraze: Too right Fraze: Who's telling Joe? Fearghal: You can, if you'd like Fearghal: no chance of me or your Ma getting a response really but Fearghal: know he feels he can to you lot, when the mood takes him Fraze: Putting it strong but I will for what it's worth Fraze: He's gotta be told Fearghal: Cheers Fearghal: and if you could forewarn Bea to be on her best behaviour should Ro come-a-knocking Fearghal: rather you than me Fraze: Cheers yourself then Fraze: Ali coming back to yours? Fearghal: For now, yeah Fearghal: got about a month 'til she goes Fearghal: if she does Fraze: Rather you than me Fraze: Don't miss the kids being that small Fearghal: Loving the terrible twos that much, are ya? Fraze: I love a row, yeah? Fraze: It's hilarious Fearghal: Any excuse for a tantrum eh Fraze: Buster clocked me the other day, I was well proud Fraze: Great jab on him Fearghal: 'Course he does, he's a McKenna Fearghal: know what to get him for their next birthday then, I'll tell Ma Fraze: Speaking of, does Hallmark do a 'sorry your kid came out white' card or we improvising that hard on the gift front? Fraze: Fucked us all up there Fearghal: Funny, keep it up and you'll be dealing with worse than your toddler's Fearghal: I'm not sure she's incredibly arsed but you know what you need, wasn't that long ago Fearghal: She's not going to start sobbing at the sight of a babygro Fraze: I was gonna get her and the lad shit for Singapore case they started missing the homeland Fraze: Awkward Fraze: I bet she's desperate to fuck off out of it now Fearghal: It'll still be appreciated Fearghal: Last I heard she's determined to still go Fearghal: I'll intercept the post if there's a change of plans, like Fraze: She'll go just to prove she can Fraze: Stubborn fuck Fraze: Good thing the real dad don't want a look in like Fearghal: Mother's daughter Fearghal: Yeah, no danger of that Fearghal: Maybe when they come back he'll have manned up Fraze: I can't imagine having to hop on a plane every time your kid's got a shitty nappy Fraze: Don't sound like he's bothered though Fraze: Not like she needs him Fearghal: Nah Fearghal: Not every cunt is lucky enough that the relationship with the Ma works out though Fearghal: can't have the kid or her all to yourself all the time if you've fucked it Fearghal: but co-parenting and sharing is better than nothing Fearghal: if you ask me but he disagrees Fraze: No cunt'd keep me from my kids Fraze: Nothing to do with luck Fraze: It's an excuse for him to be a pussy and cry off if he gets challenged later Fraze: Can't be that loved up with her if it's the first we've heard Fraze: He's a twat. End of Fearghal: You know what I mean Fearghal: Heaven forbid you two ever broke up, you'd do what you could and make the most of your time with them Fearghal: Not sulk like a soppy twat because its unfair Fearghal: The feeling certainly is not mutual, from what I understand, at any rate Fearghal: But I thought the same Fraze: You gonna say next that it was all bad luck Ronnie's da was a waster and bowed out? Fraze: Some cunts honestly Fraze: Too busy crying to wipe your kids eyes Fraze: Ali's well rid Fearghal: I've got no room to judge Fearghal: he was a kid, made my own mistakes at his age, arguably as bad Fearghal: S'too short to be angry about it, you just have to get on with it Fraze: You don't get to be a kid when you have one, simple as Fraze: Tell me who the cunt is of Ali's I'll write that on his head for him Fraze: Proper spell it out Fearghal: Nah, you don't Fearghal: but even if you don't raise the kid, your childhood's still gone Fearghal: I doubt Josh went on to do great things with his life, or he don't have regrets about how he handled it Fearghal: I don't think its my place, son Fraze: Ma had me though, don't get greater, yeah? Fraze: I reckoned on you saying that. Ah well. Had to give it a shot Fearghal: So you say, so you say, boy Fearghal: You know you'd never hear the end of it Fearghal: Wouldn't be appreciated, like Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Probably won't hear the end of Bea if I don't tell her who it is though Fearghal: She'll probably work it out Fearghal: They're brighter than us Fearghal: Your Ma didn't seem surprised but first I'd heard of it Fearghal: Naturally, or maybe coulda intervened before now Fraze: Sounds legit Fraze: Fuck's sake Fraze: Our family needs their heads banged together, us two excluded Fearghal: Preaching to the choir boy Fearghal: we do alright Fraze: You were never a choir boy Fraze: Might bring Joe out of his hole, I'd take that Fearghal: 'Course I was Fearghal: fucking angelic, mate Fearghal: Yeah Fearghal: as usual, keep us posted Fraze: Fuck off Fraze: The cat thinks you're dying when you let a tune out Fraze: 'Course Fearghal: Well, lots changed since those days Fearghal: Balls dropped for one Fearghal: Career over Fraze: Regrets, you've got a few, yeah? Fraze: On you go, lad Fearghal: Too right, take me back Fearghal: Miss those nuns Fraze: Bet they miss you too Fearghal: I wouldn't bet on it but you know Fearghal: Only got better with age, in all the ways Fraze: Don't fancy your odds? More for them Fearghal: Oh trust me, you don't wanna face them on anything Fearghal: There's a reason we spared you the Catholic Schools Fearghal: aside from being relapsed and your Ma a filthy heathen Fraze: That'd do it Fraze: Damned the lot of us Fearghal: Might've done Fearghal: Not what we had in mind but Fraze: You're alright da I've competed my fair share of sins Fraze: Heaven's not a place for me Fearghal: I reckon we're best off if I don't know Fraze: Pissed my own bed with no help from ya, either way Fearghal: Oh well, at least we'll all be in the same place on the otherside Fraze: Stuck with all of yous Fearghal: Looks like it Fearghal: Tried to lose you all back in Liverpool but Fearghal: ya followed Fraze: Shouldn't have had a pint in your hand constantly it'd be easier to get rid of me Fearghal: 🍀 Fearghal: What can I say? Fraze: Given up the cigs yet, mate? Fearghal: Have you? Fearghal: Cheeky git Fraze: That's a no Fraze: And with a newborn in the house! Shocking behavior like Fearghal: Well, might be able to get through a whole pack by myself without your thieving mitts about, eh? Fraze: Quick learner and I had a good teacher Fearghal: How did any of ya survive honestly Fearghal: God knows Fraze: 🍀 Fearghal: Must be Fraze: Unless the bloke from downstairs with the horns wants to take credit, like Fearghal: If so, you're slacking in spreading the evil about for him Fraze: Got the next generation to do it for me Fearghal: Started doing that Damien shit have they? You were a bugger for staring at us as we slept, creepy lil fucker Fraze: Those twins from the Shining have got nothing on my two Fraze: Thank Christ they weren't both girls Fearghal: Woulda been a cracking costume but not good for your nightmares Fearghal: Ahh, those were the days Fearghal: Appreciate 'em Fraze: I do Fraze: It's fucked up that lad is so keen to miss out Fearghal: Well, he hasn't got the experience to know what he's depriving himself of Fearghal: Hm, might've been a giveaway that Fraze: I swear not to break his legs Fraze: Not looking to get you in shit with the girls Fearghal: I understand Fearghal: Its very fucking tempting Fearghal: You've got three guesses, use your head, kid, given enough away like Fraze: I reckon he's the kind of cunt to shop us, wouldn't put it past him by the sounds Fraze: Last thing anyone needs Fearghal: No chance, which makes it all the more Fearghal: Type of lad who can't go running to garda for anything Fraze: Fuck Fearghal: Yeah Fearghal: Why else would Ro be in a fucking state too Fearghal: Bastard Fraze: She's always in a state about something Fraze: I can't blame her this time though in fairness Fearghal: Apparently, its been years in the making, you know the type, gets so many yes' Fearghal: A no don't sit right, it wasn't THAT though, before you really get angry Fearghal: the chase, whatever, we've all been there and its obvious he's a scumbag but her sister Fearghal: Didn't need to go there, did he? Fraze: Opportunistic cunt Fraze: I bet he got her drunk as well as Fraze: Biding his time 'til she was at any rate Fraze: She wouldn't go near him otherwise and he knows it Fearghal: She was, your Brother reluctantly told us, didn't wanna snitch but wanted us to have the full picture Fearghal: it was back when Caleb wasn't coping with the boy and they had their break Fearghal: Your Sister wasn't coping as well as she fronted either, apparently Fraze: Fair play to Tommo, this lad's a bigger rat Fraze: Glad he had her back when it was kicking off like Fearghal: Yeah, glad she had someone she could confide in Fearghal: 'cos obviously Ro was out of the question Fearghal: So much for loyalty from him to Caleb though...after all that family has done for him Fraze: Yeah Fraze: Great lad all round, ain't he Fraze: No surprise he isn't stepping up for his kid Fearghal: Yeah, not unless she stays with him Fearghal: Over my dead body, sunshine Fearghal: She won't, even if she has to leave without Caleb, she's not daft Fraze: Over his if he fucking tried it Fraze: Nobody's keeping her from going Fearghal: Its all she's wanted and worked for Fearghal: Though your mother isn't thrilled about the idea of her going out there alone with 3 babies in tow Fearghal: I'm not either but I know she can Fearghal: fucking how, I do NOT know Fraze: None of us want her over in wherever the fuck but it's where she's gotta be Fearghal: Right Fearghal: None of you can be normal and do one thing at a time, can you? Fraze: Who'd you think we got that off, you soft twat Fearghal: Fair, I never did the School thing and your Mum only went back inbetween you lot and Mr Oopsy-Baby himself Fearghal: Still proud of her Fearghal: and yous, glad you are but fucking hell Fearghal: gonna be in the ground 'fore the year is out, I tell ya Fraze: It'd be one hell of a party but there's plenty of shit to celebrate before you pop your clogs Fraze: If only Ali not being saddled with the local wannabe Fearghal: True Fearghal: I'll do my best to stick around then Fearghal: No promises Fraze: Try and earn a bit more before you're in the ground Fraze: Save us lot paying out Fearghal: Just fling me in the sea Fearghal: I'll write it in the will, no suspicions like Fraze: Trying to get the garda on me, are ya? Fraze: Unlucky Fraze: Gotta get up earlier than that, lad Fearghal: Oh well, had to try, ay? Fearghal: Reckon Rock's still young enough to fool Fearghal: Probably have me off the cliff whilst I'm still living like Fraze: He would Fraze: Watch yourself Fearghal: Got to Fearghal: Got Rio running 'round doing his bidding at the mo Fearghal: not needed tonight but might escape to the pub for the peace Fearghal: Irish Da style Fraze: 'course Fraze: Have one for me Fraze: Cambs can't compete Fearghal: I'll save it for the next time yous are over Fraze: Get yourself down here and save me from all these posh twats Fearghal: No chance, lucky you got a mongrel of an accent, catch a note of mine and I'll be banned with the dogs and blacks Fraze: Might get that burial sooner than you reckoned Fraze: Make your mind up Fearghal: Reckon I could take 'em but not in the courts like Fearghal: they'd have to fucking kill me, got no dosh to dole out Fraze: I'll let you off then Fraze: This once Fraze: Less good for us lot behind bars than you'd be in a box Fearghal: Know what I'd prefer Fearghal: Might bump into one of me brothers Fraze: Perfect time for a family reunion right now Fearghal: Fuck no Fearghal: Avoiding 'em in hell too like Fraze: Best of luck with that one Fraze: I'll raise a glass to it Fearghal: You can raise it again to the fact you never had to meet 'em Fraze: Any excuse for another drink, yeah Fearghal: If MY Da taught me anything worth remembering Fraze: A recycled lesson would be the only one I take to heart Fraze: fuck's sake Fearghal: What can I say? Fearghal: Not full of wisdom just full of shit Fraze: That makes one of us Fearghal: When yours can string a proper sentence together come back to me boy Fearghal: see how clever you feel when a kid's running rings round ya Fraze: Never gonna happen, I've got all the answers Fearghal: 😂 Fearghal: Well, best be off Fearghal: the kids are running riot and the baby is screaming along with your Ma so Fearghal: that's my cue to jump ship Fraze: yeah don't let me keep ya Fearghal: Catch you later mate Fraze: Look after yourself Fraze: And that lot Fearghal: Will do Fearghal: You and yours like