#my mother's been drilling this stuff into me since i was little

[superstar-ethereal]

project 2025 includes plans for media censorship so i'm currently off on the biggest downloading spree of my life

calm reminder for those who haven't yet: download your favorite fics, songs, movies, shows, games if your device has the storage—everything. get physical copies when available, and keep file backups on an external drive if you can.

(P.S. i don't have super extensive resources to give you, but A) Tor browser and youtube to mp3/mp4 websites are your friends, B) tumblr and reddit tend to have good guides and link masterlists, and C) get a backup drive with greater or roughly equal storage capacity relative to your computer if possible)

(P.P.S. also, go look st the notes on this post!! there's a bunch of cool info people have shared, and i don't think i could get any of it out very far by just reblogging ^^;)

[rinhaler]

MORE UNCLE NANAMI PLEASIEEEE PLEASE 🥺🥺🥺🥺👉🏽👈🏽

++ 𝐡𝐢𝐢, 𝐈'𝐦 𝐢𝐧 𝐧𝐞𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐦𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐝𝐝𝐲/𝐮𝐧𝐜𝐥𝐞 𝐧𝐚𝐧𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐧 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐧𝐭 🙈 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐰𝐚𝐤𝐞𝐧𝐞𝐝 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐞 𝐬𝐤𝐤𝐬𝐣

It's been a while since I did any nanamin stuff hehe (combining two reqs bc u both don't have anything specific heheheee)

warnings: 18+ MDNI, incest, fem!reader, uncle!nanamin, fingering, exhibitionism, public sex ig, squirting, pet names (sweetheart, princess, angel, baby).

words: 1.1k

“W-Wow…” you muse, taking in the decadent atmosphere of the restaurant.

You’ve seldom been to places like this, like when your favourite uncle decides to treat you and your mother to a nice meal when he’s in town. But even then, there is a stark difference from the restaurants back home in the village you live in. It’s magnificent. You may have experienced a similar setting before, but never on a date.

A date with that very same uncle, nonetheless.

“You like it, sweetheart? I’m glad.” he tells you, taking your hand as you're guided by the maître d' to your table. He looks over the top of his menu as he studies your face. You’re so precious, that’s what he thinks as you look over the options and realise you don’t understand what any of them are. “I’ll order for you.” he assures you, taking the menu from your hand and setting it down.

You feel yourself get warmer, a little embarrassed that he picked up on your cluelessness so easily. But you smile, regardless, thanking him.

You’ve been so excited for this little trip since you first heard about it.

“Uncle Nanami wants to know if you’d like to spend the weekend with him?” your mother asked/told you. And, bless her, she had no idea what that would entail.

It’s been months since you’ve seen him. You were hardly surprised when your ankles were practically behind your ears as he drilled his cock in and out of your puffy, slicked up folds, the minute he got you to his house.

You’d been drenched the entire train ride.

“You look so pretty tonight, princess.” he tells you, cupping your face so sweetly with a rough, masculine hand. His singular hand is almost the size of your entire face. He coos at you as your eyelids become heavier, leaning in to place a delicate kiss on your cheek. “I’m so happy you’re here with me. Hopefully your mother won’t object to this being a regular thing.” he smiles.

You’ve been squirming in your seat since before your main course arrived. The way he looks at you, the way he talks to you, you forget how naughty your uncle Nanamin can be. Your panties are once again entirely soaked through. He’d mentally noted how much you were wriggling around, though he chose not to comment on it. Not until—

“Can’t sit still for five minutes, hm? What’s wrong?” he asks.

“N-Need you…” you whisper, putting your head down to avert his intense stare. Though you’re soon looking at him again as he tilts your head up by your chin, forcing you to hold his gaze.

“What was that, angel? I didn’t quite hear you.”

“Need you… uncle Nanamin, need you real bad.” you pout. And at that, he smirks. You’re a little taken aback as his hand lowers beneath the table. Here? Right here? Your heart pounds as you look around at the other clueless restaurant patrons. This is so unlike him. He’s always so upstanding and discreet. But—

“My my, sweet little girl. You are soaked.” he comments as his fingers breach the hemline of your cotton panties. You bite your lip as his fingers drag up and down the length of your slit. He shushes you as your eyes well with tears, shame and pleasure wrack through you as he finds your slippery clit. And he targets it, skilfully. “Be good for me, be so good for me. If you make a single sound, I won’t touch you for the remainder of the weekend. Do you understand?”

You take his words literally, only nodding as he awaits your answer. It’s near impossible, though, when he makes you feel so good like this. Even with just a few pathetic rubs on your clit, your eyes begin to roll back.

“Na— Nanamin,” you do your best to whisper, his name leaving your lips as a ghoulish gasp. He shushes you, quietly, but it’s loud enough to make a statement. His eyebrows furrow, and you can’t tell if it’s anger or disappointment. You think you’ll die if he stops, though his ministrations haven’t ceased yet. Maybe you were quiet enough to test the boundaries of what he actually meant.

He doesn’t want you to cause a scene.

“Kiss me, please.” you whisper again. And that softens his features. He pities you, you think, although that assumption proves wrong as he indulges you. He closes the distance between you without letting up his gentle yet purposeful touches on your pretty pearl. You’re a little surprised when you feel his tongue enter your mouth, something you’ve never known him to do in public before. “I— I love you.”

“Yeah?” he smiles into your kiss before he breaks it completely. “You’re so close, you’re shaking. Let me see how much you love me. Cum for your favourite uncle, sweetheart, go on.” he instructs you.

He holds one of your hands with his free one while your other one curls into your seat. Your knuckles turn white as you finish, legs trembling and clamping around his hand as you douse his fingers. You can’t believe he’s made you squirt in public. Embarrassment rises through you once more, and you’ve never felt such a scorching temperature in your life.

You look around to see if anyone has noticed, while Nanami withdraws his hand and crosses his ankle over his knee. You watch him as he sucks his fingers clean of the mess, your mess, with a look of contentment on his face. You, however, are panting heavily while you rest your head in one hand on the table. You’re slumped over, and you couldn’t feel more self-conscious.

You don’t exactly look like you belong here.

“Would you be interested in some dessert?” a waiter asks as he approaches, though his question almost evaporates as he looks at you. Your sweat coated skin and your mussed up hair catches him off guard. Your irregular breathing makes him worry for your well-being. “Are you alright, Miss? You look…” he finds himself at a loss of what to even say. He knows he needs to be polite, but you almost look ill.

“She’s fine, just a little warm and worked up.” your dear uncle intervenes, smiling at the waiter graciously as he interlocks his fingers and rests his chin atop them. “Isn’t that right, sweetheart? I’m sure you’ll cool down after some ice cream.”

You nod, doing what you can to pull yourself together. You’d hate to embarrass your favourite uncle, after all. What if he doesn’t invite you back to do this again?

“Wonderful, sir.” the waiter smiles as he holds up a pad of paper with a pen to take your dessert orders. “You make a lovely couple, by the way.” you aren’t sure if he’s being polite out of obligation to his job, or if he genuinely feels that way. But you and your uncle share a knowing smile with each other, and yours only grows wider as he brushes a fallen section of hair out of your face.

“We aren’t a couple.” he starts. “I’m her uncle.”

© 2024 rinhaler

[cutecurly-hair]

Hearts Unleashed (Part 5)

Pairing: Nick Nelson x Black!fem!reader

Warning: Fluff, Smut, Body Shaming

Words: 5,738

The weekend flew by, and before I knew it, Monday had arrived with its usual speed. I found myself back in the same classroom, at the same place and time, but something felt a little different. Nick and I had been texting non-stop over the weekend. It was just casual conversation, nothing special, but for some reason, it made me inexplicably happy.

I noticed a bunch of curly black hair in front of me. Charlie and I hadn't talked since that day. I sent him a bunch of texts, but he didn't reply. I checked with Ellie and Tao, and they hadn't heard from him either. It wasn't just me he was avoiding; it seemed like he was avoiding everyone.

Interrupting my thoughts, Nick said, "This is Nellie," showing me a picture of his dog, and she was the cutest thing in the world.

"Oh, my god, she's so cute! I've always wanted to have a pet, but ever since our cat died when I was little, we just never got a new one," I said, a tinge of sadness in my voice.

Nick's brows furrowed in concern, a cute little habit that I couldn't help but notice when he was puzzled or concerned about something. "You know, maybe you should come round to my house and meet her. Plus, my mom has been bugging me to invite you over" he suggested. I couldn't contain the smile that spread across my face, I don't know if it was because of Nick's mom has been asking about me or Nick inviting me to his house.

"Are you free on Saturday?" he asked hopefully, his brown eyes searching mine.

"Yeah, I think so," I replied, feeling a flutter in my stomach.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

"Charlie! Charlie! Wait up!" I yelled across the bustling school hallway, dodging through students those rugby drills are finally proving some use.

Finally catching up to him, I took a moment to catch my breath. "What happened with you? I've been calling and texting you. I was even this close to coming to your house to make sure you were alive," I said, demonstrating the minuscule gap between my thumb and forefinger to prove my point.

Charlie turned to me, his face a mix of surprise and sheepishness. "Sorry, I've been dealing with some stuff, and I needed a bit of space. Didn't mean to worry you."

I crossed my arms, trying to hide my concern behind a facade of annoyance. "A simple 'I need space' text would have sufficed, you know."

He scratched his head, a nervous grin appearing on his face. "Yeah, I know. I'll keep you in the loop next time. Promise."

As we walked, the tension melted away, and our usual banter resumed. Charlie might not be telling me everything, but our friendship stayed solid, thankfully.

"Ugh, I've got a ton to catch you up on," I exclaimed, pulling him into a tight hug. His laughter filled the air. "Do I detect some juicy gossip?" he teased, a cheeky grin spreading across his face. Even though I haven't talked with him for a couple of days, I still couldn't help but miss him. I had every right to be mad, but I knew deep down Charlie was keeping something from me, but it was within his right to tell me when he is ready.

"Oh, you have no idea," I replied, joining in the laughter.

"You look fine, sweetheart," my mother remarked as she emerged from the archway. She must have noticed my tenth attempt at fixing my hair and the frustrated sigh that accompanied it. Admittedly, I may or may not have put on a little makeup. Sensing my mom's curious gaze, I decided to address it before she could.

"I'm going to a friend's house. I'll be back around 5," I informed her, trying to keep it casual.

"Are you heading over to Charlie's?"

I hesitated for a moment, then replied, "Um, no, his name is Nick," hoping my response would slip past without her catching the name. My mother, sensing something, walked over to me and handed me my coat and gloves, well aware of my tendency to get cold easily. I was honestly not made for cold weather.

"Is this a boy from school? You know how I feel about you going to somebody's house," she probed, hinting at her concerns. I knew I had to choose my words carefully to navigate this conversation if I wanted to be allowed to leave the house.

"He's my classmate in English. I want him to look over my paper that's due next week," I lied, maintaining a calm tone and hoping she wouldn't see through the deception.

"You've never needed help with your papers before. You're really good at writing," she remarked, clearly skeptical of my story.

"This paper is 50% of my grade. I have to do well on it," I asserted, emphasizing the importance of the assignment and knowing that grades were a language my mother understood well. Having dealt with her expectations back home, I knew I had to convince her to let me go.

She looked pleasantly surprised. "Yes, you're right. Grades are important. I'm surprised I didn't have to remind you," she smiled, genuinely pleased to see me showing concern for my academic performance. Seizing the moment, I quickly put on my coat and gloves, ready to head out the door.

"Come back in time for dinner!" she yelled as I walked away. I gave a quick nod to show I heard and hurried off before she could ask more questions.

My hands were practically freezing, despite the gloves doing a lousy job of keeping the cold out. I stubbornly kept them on, pulled my coat tighter, and power-walked down the street. The bone-chilling London winter seemed to pierce right through me, making me pick up the pace even more.

I stood there for a moment, torn between knocking and ringing the doorbell. My indecisiveness was playing its usual tricks on me. But before I could finally decide, the door swung open. There was Nick, giving me a gentle smile.

"Hey," he greeted. It was kinda unexpected to see him so chill and casual, a side of him I hadn't really seen beyond the school environment.

"Hey," I smiled back, deciding to ditch my gloves that weren't doing much to fight off the cold anyway.

Nick made a gesture towards a delightful chocolate and white mix Border Collie. "Uh... this is Nellie."

"Hey, Nellie. You're so adorable," Reaching down to pet the dog behind its ears. The warmth of Nellie's fur against my hand brought an unexpected comfort, making the chilly weather outside seem momentarily forgotten.

"Did you do something with your hair?" he asked, his eyes locked onto my puff ponytail that had consumed a good chunk of my morning. Lately, I'd been experimenting with new hairstyles, breaking away from my usual braids.

I immediately reached up to touch my hair, a hint of worry crossing my face. "Wait, is it bad?"

He shook his head without hesitation, offering a reassuring grin. "No, you look… it looks great." His compliment made me feel like the effort I put into styling my hair that morning was totally worth it.

"Okay, you better come in before Nellie thinks we're going for a walk," he said, his eyes lingering on mine for a moment longer than necessary.

"Okay"

Walking into his house, I couldn't help but notice how incredibly homey it was. The place just radiated coziness, making it clear that it wasn't just a house; it was a warm and welcoming home. Definitely nothing compared to mine, my house was just cold and empty still filled with boxes. I noticed a few portraits on the wall, nowhere really of his dad. Which I have nothing to brag since my parents have been divorce.

He led me upstairs to his bedroom, which I couldn't help but feel uneasy, like it was way to personal...like I shouldn't be here. But as soon as I saw his room it was very clean...? Definitely not what I was expecting.

Nick saw the look on my face "What? What's wrong?" he asked looking around confused. I couldn't help but chuckle, breaking a smile "It's so clean in here...it's weird," But overall, it suits him with the rugby poster littered all over the walls with a cute little light hanging over his bed. There it was again, that small hint of vanilla, smoke and a mix of musk but the musk was a lot stronger.

Dramatically, he placed his hand over his chest, gasping, "Are you seriously thinking that I am weird because I know how to clean,"

"I just never expected something like this," I said, gesturing to the room. Walking around, I noticed a few books on the shelf. "Especially for a rugby player. I mean, aren't you guys supposed to be dirty, by default?" I picked a book off the shelf, the title reading "Le Petit Prince (French Edition)."

A French Novel?

Sensing my curiosity, Nick blushed, swiftly taking the book from my hand and putting it back on the shelf. "My dad gifted it to me, but I barely read it," he admitted, a touch of embarrassment in his expression.

Sensenig that his dad was a sour subject I decided to drop it. Still observing his room, noticing the little trinkets of action figure and posters, until my eyes landing on the little snacks on the TV stand plus Mario Kart next to the Nintendo, excitement bubbled up within me as I took in the familiar sight.

"You have Mario Kart!" I exclaimed, my eyes lighting up at the sight of the game. Memories of playing it flooded back.

Nick's eyes beamed. "You like Mario Kart? Do you know how to play?" he asked, a playful smile on his face.

I nodded. "Me and my Dad used to play all the time when I was little. I still do, just never really picked it back up," I said, shrugging.

"Do you want to play?" he asked, holding the Nintendo playfully.

I smiled. "You don't even have to ask."

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

"Come on, Come on I'm in the lead! Can you just let me win" Nick yelled, he was particularly begging at the point.

"It doesn't matter cause you're not going to win," I smirked. He's literally the King of Rugby and practically wins at everything. This is one thing I'm really good at, so I am definitely not going to let him win.

"Can you let me win one time? You've won five or six games."

"I am literary going easy one you,"

"No!" he groaned at the screen when he saw my Princess Peach cross the finish line. I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction.

"You need more practice, Nick. Maybe I can give you some tips," I teased, reveling in the playful banter. It was one area where I knew I could outshine the rugby star.

He pouted, "I don't need tips. I just need a fair chance." The adorable pout he sported was enough to make anyone's heart melt.

"I think this is just Karma kicking you in the ass; you can't be good at everything," I said sarcastically, while grabbing a little popcorn.

He nodded in agreement, "No, you're exactly right. You're just good at everything," he admitted.

"No, I'm not," I chuckled. But there was something in the way he looked at me, and it's been happening a lot lately. I can't quite figure out why he has this knack for making me feel this way. It's as if a single glance from him is all it takes to turn me into a bundle of nerves.

"You are. You're a proper little nerd. And you don't even know it."

"I am not!" I protested, playfully nudging him.

"Let's see. You're good at video games. Literally all school subjects, but especially math's. Amazing at photography. Befriending dogs, and you are good a sports manager. Like I have never seen our gear so clean before-"

"Shut up!" I interrupted in a playful groan, feeling warm flush spread across my cheeks. Covering his mouth, while pushing him onto the bed. It seems this was the only way of shutting him up.

"You know it's true," he mumbled from beneath my hand, a blush coloring his cheeks. "Get off me. Seriously, get off," he added with a laugh, the room filled with our shared laughter.

The laughter quickly faded, leaving a lingering warmth between us. I don’t understand this feeling, I have never felt this way before. Our eyes were saying one thing, but our bodies were saying another. In that stillness, I became aware of the soft sound of snow falling outside.

"Oh, my god" I was star-stuck looking out the window.

His eyes followed mine, and as he turned to the window, a quiet gasp escaped his lips.

"It's snowing."

We just look at each other we didn't have to say anything, we jumped up from the bed, rushing down the stairs putting our coats on. The air was charged with anticipation, I was on the brink of witnessing snow for the very first time in my fifteen years. Nick handing me a hoodie in the process.

I shook my head refusing the offer, but he only shoved it back in my face,

"You were freezing when I first saw you this morning," he chuckled, a mischievous glint in his eyes. But he wasn't taking no for an answer.

I couldn't help but laugh, realizing he had a point. Gratefully accepting the hoodie, I slipped it on, feeling the warmth envelop me trying to ignore his overwhelming scent.

"It's a bit big," you said, glancing at the blue fabric draping down to my knees.

"It looks good on you," he said breathlessly, he was looking directly at me. Two compliments in one day, that was definitely something.

It was absolutely beautiful outside, the cold didn't bother me as much as before, it may or may not have something to do with the hoodie I was wearing.

Nick wasted no time sticking his tongue out to catch the tiny snowflakes. His cheeks had a rosy flush, and there was something about the way the light hit his hair, making it look a bit browner. He looked marvelous.

Caught staring, I locked eyes with him, and there was a fleeting smile on his face. Before I could fully process it, he playfully threw a whole snowball at me, leaving me in disbelief. I hurriedly made a makeshift snowball. It instantly became a snowball fight.

For a moment, just a moment everything seemed perfect, the way he laughed when Nellie was eating the snow. To when he brushed the snow off my hair. The way he took pictures of me when I made snow angles. When he laid beside me all I did was listen to him talk any and everything.

It was just perfect.

I couldn't shake the knot in my stomach, and suddenly, those stolen glances and shared moments held a new weight. When he looks at me, it's like he's seeing something beyond the surface. There's this intensity in his gaze, and I can't help but admire the way he looks at me. The way his eyes light up when he smiles, the little expressions that make him uniquely him. The realization hit me -

I have a crush on Nick Nelson

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

"Are you even listening to what I'm saying?" Ellie snapped her fingers in front of my face, trying to grab my attention. My eyes, however, were glued to the three little bubbles dancing across my screen, eagerly awaiting Nick's response.

Ellie couldn't resist taking a peek at my screen, and a knowing smirk crept onto her face as she shook her head. "Oh, I see what's got you all distracted now."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm listening," I mumbled, tearing my eyes away from the screen to meet Ellie's amused gaze.

She chuckled, leaning back in her chair. "Nick, huh? The mystery guy who's got you glued to your phone?"

Blushing, I tried to downplay it. "We're just chatting, you know, about random stuff."

"Random stuff, right," Ellie teased, wiggling her eyebrows. "I've seen that look before. You've got the 'crush glow' all over your face."

Rolling my eyes, I shrugged. "Oh, come on. It's not like that. We're just friends."

Eyebrow raised; Ellie smirked. "Friends who text 24/7, interesting definition of friendship."

I sighed, realizing she saw through my attempt at nonchalance. "Okay, fine. Maybe there's a tiny crush. But seriously, don't make it a big deal."

Glancing out the window, I spotted Nick chatting with a pretty girl that I always seen around school. They were standing so close, and her laughter reached my ears even through the closed window. My heart sank as I watched them share a moment. She was effortlessly charming and ever so pretty, and the way Nick's eyes lit up in response made my stomach churn. It felt like they were in their own bubble, leaving me on the outside looking in.

Ellie looked at me and she frowned and nudged me gently. "Y/N, what's going on? You look like you've just seen a ghost."

I forced a weak smile, attempting to mask the turmoil inside. "Oh, nothing. Just caught up in my thoughts, you know?"

But Ellie wasn't buying it. She followed my gaze, her eyes narrowing as she took in the scene outside. "Oh...that's Imogen. That's one of Nick's close friends,"

"Oh, really?" I tried to sound casual, but I could feel a knot forming in my stomach. "Just a friend, huh?"

Ellie shot me a knowing look, her eyebrows raised. "Y/N, are you getting jealous?"

"What? No!" I protested a bit too quickly, my cheeks heating up. "I mean, why would I be jealous? We're just friends, like I said."

Ellie chuckled, clearly amused by my reaction. "Sure, just friends. a friend who you have a crush on."

I rolled my eyes, attempting to change the subject. "Let's focus on something else. What were you saying before about our plans for the weekend?"

Ellie raised an eyebrow, clearly not letting me off the hook that easily. "Smooth transition, but we'll get back to this later. Anyway, I was thinking we could do a little movie night at Tao's. We can bring some snacks, binge-watch our favorite films, and just unwind."

"Yeah, that sounds great," I replied, trying to shake off the uneasy feeling. "Movies and snacks sound like the perfect distraction."

As we continued discussing our weekend plans, my mind kept drifting back to Nick and Imogen. I couldn't help but wonder if there was something more between them. Were they just friends, or was there a deeper connection? The uncertainty gnawed at me, and I found myself absentmindedly scrolling through our previous texts.

The guys were practicing for an upcoming match, and I was just here cleaning the Rugby they have already gotten so dirty after a couple of throws. Occasionally, Nick would glance over in my direction, offering a reassuring smile or a quick wave.

"I can't believe they have cleaning rugby balls. Doing the dirty work while we get all the glory?" Charlie teased, nudging me with his elbow.

I chuckled, playfully swatting at him. "Someone's got to keep these in top-notch condition. Can't have you all playing with muddy balls, can we?"

Charlie raised an eyebrow. "Speaking of action, I noticed I haven't been seeing you lately. Any particular reason?"

I hesitated for a moment, debating how much to reveal. Finally, I decided to open up to Charlie, knowing he'd always knows what to do. "Well, I've been meaning to talk to you about that. You know, get some 'guy advice.'"

"I think I am the worse person to give 'guy advice'. especially now" Charlie looked down the ground.

Noticing the sadness in his eyes, I joked around with him "Oh come on, Charlie, don't be so hard on yourself. You're my go-to guy for advice, whether you like it or not."

He managed a small grin, "Alright, shoot. What do you need from my services this time?"

I sighed, glancing back at Nick on the field, his focused demeanor contrasting with the playful banter of the other players. "It's just... things have been different lately. We've been hanging out more, texting, you know, normal friend stuff. But I can't help but feel there's something more."

Charlie looked worried as soon as I brought up Nick's name, "Of course this is about Nick Nelson,"

I nodded, "Yeah, it is. I mean, we're friends, but there are these moments, these looks, and it makes me wonder if there's something more. And then today- I don't know... it just hit me differently."

Charlie glanced around to ensure no one was eavesdropping before he spoke. "Look, I don't want to be the bearer of bad news, but there's something I think you should know."

My heart sank a little, and I furrowed my brows in concern. "What is it, Charlie? You're making me nervous."

He took a deep breath before continuing "Okay so Tao told me to tell you that-

"Wait why couldn't Tao just tell me himself?"

Charlie looked a little uneasy "Because Tao is Tao"

Great he still doesn't like me.

I shook my head, urging Charlie to continue. "Tell me what Tao said."

He took a deep breath before continuing, "Tao found out from a friend who is also friends with Nick, and he said that Nick is single. But he is super interested in this girl that was originally from the all-girls school."

I swallowed the lead in my throat "What girl,"

Charlie sighed looking out onto the field "Her name's Tara Jones,"

My heart sank as Charlie dropped the bomb about Nick's interest in Tara Jones. Her name replayed in my mind like an annoying song on repeat. I couldn't shake off the blame creeping in why did I let myself get attached? Was I just too naive, thinking there could be more between us?

Nick's wave from the field added salt to the wound. I managed a feeble smile and a wave back, but inside, it felt like a whirlwind of emotions. Watching him, I questioned every shared laugh and conversation we had. Were they all just leading up to this moment where he'd be drawn to someone else?

The game raged on in the background, but my world stood still in that painful moment of realization. The cheers from the crowd turned into distant echoes, drowned out by the pounding of my heart, echoing the rhythm of disappointment.

How can I be so stupid.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ +

She was so beautiful, and I could see why Nick might be into her. Browsing through her social media, her confidence and elegance just stood out. It's something I feel like I lack. Her dark skin had this warm, rich tone that glowed in every photo. The more I looked, the more I found myself comparing. It made me question if I could ever match up to someone like her in Nick's eyes. The more I scrolled, the more I felt like an outsider peeking into a world that seemed so different from mine.

"See, I told you," Tao said, peering over my shoulder. Charlie shot him an annoyed look.

"Tao, come on, give it a rest. This doesn't necessarily mean anything," Charlie snapped.

"Like hell it doesn't," Tao retorted. I deeply sighed; their bickering wasn't making the situation any better. Isaac looked at me with a hint of concern.

"We don't even know if she actually likes Nick back," Isaac chimed in, attempting to offer some comfort.

Charlie scoffed, "I'm the one stuck seeing them in class every day, and trust me, it's nauseating. Believe me, he's into you," he added, shooting me a look.

Tao, fixing his gaze on Isaac, cautioned, "I've warned you about fueling romantic fantasies that just won't happen. Life isn't a romance novel, you know." ignoring Charlie reassurance.

"But I want to believe in romance." Isaac wined still looking hopeful. Our heads turned to the door when Ellie came in, Isaac immediately jumped at the chance "Ellie! So, there's this girl at school who Nick's got a crush on?"

"We've heard from multiple sources" Tao cut in, but Isaac completed ignored him "We don't know if they're a thing. Can you talk to her? Since she is in your year"

Isaac's hopeful gaze shifted to Ellie, who raised an eyebrow at his enthusiasm. "Whoa, slow down. First, spill the tea. Who's this mystery girl Nick's into?" Ellie said, playing dumb while glancing at me to check if it was Imogen we were talking about. I just quietly shook my head no

Tao chimed in, "Her name's Tara Jones. She was originally from the all-girls school."

Ellie crossed her arms, processing the information definitely wasn't expecting that. "Tara Jones? She's a sweetheart, I don't know Tara that well. I can just go up to her and ask who she fancies. And I'm, too busy being the cool, mysterious new girl, who everyone wants to hang out with."

Isaac quickly jumped back into the conversation, seizing the opportunity. "We just want to know if there's something going on between her and Nick. You know, for Y/N's peace of mind."

"I'm fine. It's honestly fine. I'm just being an idiot and overthinking things," This whole thing has been stressing me out, more than I realize. It's probably best if I cut my losses now before I get more attached.

Ellie gave me a sympathetic glance rolling her eyes while she sighed "Well, I can try to find out, but no promises, only if I get a chance I'll ask her,"

I flashed her a thankful smile, and Isaac promptly leaped into Ellie's arms. Sometimes, I forget how much of a hopeless romantic he is. Charlie joined in, gesturing for me to join them. Gratefully, I embraced the warmth of the hug. I realized I wouldn't know where I'd be without them.

Tao sat there, glaring, watching the scene.

The next school day rolled around, and I made a quick stop at the boys' locker room to check on inventory, making sure to steer clear of any awkward encounters, especially with Nick Nelson. Luckily, I managed to avoid any unexpected run-ins. However, as I strolled to my next class, it hit me that I'd be sharing a class with him soon. The knot in my stomach tightened, and a sense of unease settled in, a reminder of the events from the day before.

Waving at Charlie as I eased into my seat, a jumble of nerves hit me hard. Concentrating seemed like an impossible task, with my thoughts entirely hijacked by the looming encounter with Nick. What in the world was I even going to say to him, if I mustered the courage to say anything at all? The classroom blurred as my mind grappled with racing thoughts.

"Y/N?" he said, staring right at me with worried eyes.

Finally returning back to earth, I mumbled, "What?"

"You just spaced out," he observed.

Not knowing what to say, I managed a simple "Oh," fiddling with my blue pen, which oddly seemed to help with my nerves. Nick, sensing the habit, scooted closer to me. I swear I could feel his body warmth.

"What's up?" he said, looking directly at me. "I can tell when something's on your mind," he added in a hush, leaning even more closely.

Gosh, I hate the way he makes me feel. The way I act around him is ridiculous. I hate that every time he gets close, my heart races, every touch, every feeling. I hate all of it!

Why does he make me feel this way?

"Do you...Do you want to come to my house later?" I blurted out, causing for Charlie to peek over at me with panic eyes screaming What the hell are you doing!

He looked surprised, but all he can do is smile.

Mom is not going to be here until super late, so I can have the house all to myself. I cleaned from top to bottom of house, throwing all the boxes away and tightening up everything was squared away.

Hearing a knock at the door, it was him standing at my door smiling from ear to ear.

"Hey"

Opening the door for him, "Hey,"

"So, how does this work?" he asked hesitantly, glancing around the room as if unsure of what to capture with my old Canon. The way he held the camera was so awkward, it brought a smile to my face.

Figuring it was a fair trade after all the rugby lessons, I decided to teach Nick a thing or two about photography.

"You can take a picture of anything you like, really. It could be something beautiful, something that grabs your attention, or simply anything that intrigues you," I explained, observing him furrow his brows while peering through the viewfinder.

"Anything?" he asked, seeking confirmation.

I nodded, a spark of enthusiasm lighting up my eyes. "Exactly! That's the beauty of it. Photography allows you to freeze a moment in time, to capture something you love, like, or find amusing. It's incredible how a single image can encapsulate so much emotion, tell a story, or even memories."

Nick listened attentively, his curiosity evident. I continued, "You see, every photo has a story behind it. It's a way of preserving feelings, experiences, and moments that might otherwise fade away. You get to share your perspective with others through the lens, allowing them to see the world through your eyes."

As I spoke, I could see Nick growing more intrigued, absorbing the idea of photography beyond just pressing a button. "Give it a try," I encouraged, "Capture something that stands out to you, something you'd want to remember."

Right as I looked back at Nick, I noticed that fuck, he was looking directly at me. His eyes looked into mine and there it was again, that knot in my stomach. I didn't know what to do, I had completely froze. His eyes seemed different though-

Feeling a buzz in my pocket, I checked my phone. It was a message from my mom, letting me know she wouldn't be home until midnight and that there was lasagna in the fridge. A sigh of relief escaped my lips, knowing I wouldn't have to explain having a boy in my room when she returned.

Hearing a click, I turned to Nick, curious about what had caught his attention through the lens of my camera. "What did you take a picture of?" I asked.

"Just something that I thought was beautiful," Nick replied with a soft smile, his eyes lingering on mine. Raising my eyebrows confused but also curious. He didn't say anything at all, other than putting the camera down.

"Want to watch a movie?" he suggested,

"Already one step ahead of you," I grinned, pulling out one of my favorite Marvel movies.

We settled into the living room couch, time passes by, and my eyelids begin to grow heavy. Waking up to see the credits rolling I quickly sat up. I completely sleep through the whole entire movie.

Looking out the window, it was dark outside, looking at Nick he seemed to be tensed.

"I feel asleep, didn't I?" I chuckled.

Nick's lips curved into a gentle smile, "Yeah, you did. Must have been a comfortable couch."

I stretched my arms, attempting to shake off the drowsiness. "Sorry about that. I guess I needed the nap."

Nick shrugged, "No problem. You looked peaceful."

We sat quietly, the feel of the movie night still in the air. Even with the unexpected nap, the evening felt calm.

"I should probably head home," Nick said, glancing at the time. "It's getting late."

As he stood up, I walked him to the door. Opening it without caring about the cold air seeping in, the night possessed a certain calmness, and the air held a subtle tension, like the moment before something shifts.

"Thanks for inviting me over," Nick said, and for a moment, our eyes met in a way that spoke volumes, yet said nothing at all.

"I wish that you didn't have to go," I admitted, feeling the weight of the night settling in.

"I wish I didn't either," Nick confessed, a hint of reluctance in his voice.

"You look so cuddly like that," he added, his gaze lingering on my knitted sweater.

My eyes softened, and a playful grin tugged at the corners of my lips. "You think so?"

He nodded, smiling back at me. "Yeah, like a giant teddy bear."

I chuckled, feeling a warmth spreading through me that had nothing to do with the sweater. "Well, I guess I'll take that as a compliment."

Nick's cheeks turned a shade of pink, and he scratched the back of his head, a sheepish grin on his face "It's meant to be one," he replied, and we stood there for a moment, the unspoken words hanging in the air.

He chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Well, if I didn't have early morning practice, I might consider staying longer."

I felt a subtle warmth spreading through me. The casual banter, the shared laughter it all felt so easy and right. Yet, there was an unspoken tension, a magnetic pull that lingered between us.

"I guess I'll see you around," Nick said, but he didn't make a move to the open door; it looked like he wanted to say something else he just couldn't find the words.

As he stepped closer, the air between us seemed to shift, and before I knew it, he pulled me into a gentle hug.

Vanilla. Smoke. and Musk

I slowly wrapped my arms around, wanting to not let go, but he quickly pulled away, backing towards the door.

"Um… catch you on Monday," he mumbled, clearing his throat, his gaze fixed anywhere but on me. He melted into the night, leaving me standing there, gaping at the door, with a whirlwind of thoughts spinning through my mind.

Charlie casually peeked around the side of the door, and from the look on his face, it was clear he caught the whole thing.

"Still questioning if he's into you?" Charlie asked, shooting me a knowing look.

Part 6 Link Here: https://www.tumblr.com/cutecurly-hair/759302465187414016/hearts-unleashed-part-6

[aonungyoufuck]

Runaway {Part 9}

Runaway Masterlist

DNI/BYF

Ao'nung x Fem sully reader.

Synopsis: its been a long time. Far to long but Ao'nung makes you diner. Still in the courting phaze. Honestly its just little bit of fluff.

Ao’nung felt it. The water wasn't exactly like home. It was almost a little suffocating. But he figured since you adapted to his home he could adapt to this one. 

He had been thankful that the first day here he had began marking it on his spear before translating it to a board. It had been exactly one year and six months. And he's done his best to keep track of dates. And if memory serves him right. It was almost his birthday too. 

He would say courting has gone well. 

Alongside all that he’s managed to adapt kind of well to the forest. Sure he sucks are climbing, he still can't hunt unless you help. And there are no Ikran here to tame. But hes made Progress with what you two had to work with. 

His skin feels dryer than normal and he’s spending more time in the water. Which helped in making tools and collecting more food that way. 

But you took notice of it too. Luckily for you on one day where he was deep into the lake. You manage to sneak into his hut. Finding the wood that he had been carving. And lucky for you. You also remembered what day his birthday fell on. 

“What are you doing in here?”

“Ao’nung! God i swear one day im going to drop dead from fright” You poke. 

The little pod was nothing like back home. And you could tell it could use some work. 

“Just came to see if i can help fix up your little area a little. All i have to worry bout is my hammock so i thought you may want me to fix it up a little?”

He rose a brow before sighing. “Sure. I mean i know this place is falling apart too” 

“Plus i have a slug coating that can help with the wood rot.” You commented back. 

He smiled. Extending his hand out. In it a small but shiny crystal. One that he had made sure to polish and refine to perfection. 

“For you” 

“Ao’nung..Where did you find this?” 

“There’s surprisingly a lot of stuff at the bottom of this lake”

Now When he had first began to court you He had no one to talk to. But he did remember Lo’ak asking him how to go about courting his sister. So he had a minor clue on your courting rituals not being the same. 

And he was a little bit reluctant to ask you. But you had told him however he wants to, You are more than willing to accept his courting rituals. 

You took notice of the hole that he most likely drilled into the stone. Smiling, taking the hand you wove it into your hair. 

“Ao’nung your hand..” 

Ao’nung quickly took his hand away from yours. “Its nothing” 

“Does it hurt?”  

His hands were dry and blistering. Slightly red at his knuckles and finger tips. “No. Kind of”

“You should have told me” 

“I didnt want you to worry any more than you have” 

“Ao’nung”

You grabbed his hand. Careful with the blisters as you gently peppered them with kisses. “Prepare me a fire, please?” 

“What for?”

“Well, i still have year of Tsahik training under my knowledge. Not to mention we are in the forest” 

Ao’nung rolled his eyes, smirking a little as he could only help but sigh. “Alright alright fine. Just be safe alright?”

“Dont worry love. Ill be back soon” You bid him a quick goodbye before heading off again. 

Ao’nung was glad you hadn’t looked more into the place. He had been working hard on making you the greatest meal he could make. Cooking or preparing food wasn’t his strong suit. But watching his mother and Tsireya for so many years he picked up a thing or two. 

He figured you were also tired of the Teylu and the fish he could gather. Lucky for him he had found fruits a while ago and had planted only two. It had borne good fruit and he was Glad. He wanted to try some more. 

He was glad too that Kiri had showed him your Omatikaya spiciest dish. 

You were taking your time. But he was glad too for the food was ready by the time he had finally seen you come by. 

“Ao’nung… Oh! What’s this all about?” 

“ I thought you may like if i prepared food for you this time” 

You smiled Sitting next to him as you looked at the fire and the food. “I love it thank you” 

Ao’nung handed you his hands. But not before giving you a new Clay Bowl. 

It had been like this since you two ran off. You would provide the highest amount of food, And he would provide the materials. Given that he had better access to it. But he wanted to bring up a point tonight. 

So while you began to mash the paste and wrap his hands he decided to speak. 

“Do you think. Maybe you could teach me to hunt some more?” 

“I can. But are you sure? I mean you have been spending a lot more time in the water”

“I want to provide more for you. How will you accept me if i do not?”

“I have accepted you a long time ago dear Ao’nung” 

Ao’nung didn’t know if it was because of the lack of people. But you had been so bold. And it made him more reserved.  Shy which he never was. It made his heart beat for you more. 

“If you want to know, I can teach you. But Know that im okay with the system we have”

“I like to provide. But i will admit it was fun to cook” Ao’nung admitted. 

You smiled. Kissing his hands as you noticed that his skin on his legs was also cracking. 

He looked so dry compared to the amount of time he was spending in the water. It concerned you and you made yourself a mental note to make more paste just in case it ever bled. 

You also took this as a good way to make sure he was eating. Giving he looked a little more sunken in than usual

“Alright alright you big baby ill teach you”  You could only smile. 

Laying down next to each other wasn’t uncommon but it was often that you didn't do this. Staring out into the sky. It was nice to see it. To feel the wind pass you by. To let the wonders of pandora engulf you. 

“What is that?” Ao’nung commented, making you look at what had gingerly landed on his hand. 

“Atokirina” You let out a gasp as you took a look at the wood sprite that had landed on Ao’nung. 

Little by little and one by one they surrounded you two. Engulfing you in a light show you could only dream of. 

Feeling like the young adults you were two years ago when Ao’nung had told you those sweet nothings. 

“There must be a tree of souls nearby,” you commented. Laughing a little as you watched them leave. 

“We should go find it one day” Ao’nung suggested. 

“No. It is sacred to another clan. It would be rude if we did so” 

Ao’nung could only laugh at your words. 

—----------------------------------------------

“One year Tonowari” Ronal spoke through her tired voice. All this time she had wept for her son. She often stayed in her pod helping when needed and leaving when left alone. 

Her voice lost its fierce strength and now it was tired. Strained and harsh because she had grown so tired of it. Tired of wanting to understand why Ao’nung had left. 

But she knew. She knew too well and she oftentimes found herself upset for  not making an effort to understand her son’s devotion to you. 

“I know Ma Ronal” 

“What is this Tonowari” she spoke. She was so worried. And whilst she blamed you in the beginning. She was worried for you too. It was like having another Daughter. For Eywa’s sakes

She had accepted Lo’ak to Court Tsireya as to not lose her too. Oftentimes she found herself by the spirit tree. Wondering, asking for their safe return. Asking her that if you two return, she will happily take you two back. No matter the costs. 

Ateyo had grown so quickly and she was missing out on her oldest son. 

She would clean his spear, his nets and anything just so that if he were to come back. He would be coming back to what was normal. 

Oftentimes Tonowari found her. Reliving the memories of Ao’nung. Like a baby he was. Like the young boy he was. The Kid Ronal Adored so much now that he was gone. He too prayed to Eywa for your return soon. For it broke his heart to much to see her in such pain.

----------------------

Taglist: @simp-erformarvelwomen / @luvlykrispy / @yeosxxx / @fanboyluvr / @littlethingsinlife / @eirianna / @elegantkidfansoul / @tsukibaby1 / @adaiasafira / @1-800-not-simping / @reggiesslut / @cmfouatslota77 / @slutforsmut4ever / @zatarias-pandora / @valovesyou / @tachiara / @ghost-lantern / @victorianhorrors / @irlydontknoanymore / @hellok1ttycake / @sweetheartlizzie07 / @audigay

[solar-halos]

i finished the umbrella academy s4. i am not amused. here are my thoughts (looong post incoming)

1. i don’t remember diego being so fucking annoying. actually that’s a lie he’s always been annoying but since he was hot i let it slide but now that he’s not treating lila right (how do u fumble a baddie THAT HARD) i think he should participate in the shut the fuck up challenge

2. “their uncle will pick them up” HUH? like obviously this timeline is different but you’re telling me lila has uncles (and parents! or someone! she was talking to some elderly couple before the party!). what does that mean for the others… were their mothers still killed in this timeline or did klaus live out his little amish dream, even if he wasn’t around to experience it? ykwim? like did they show up to this timeline and someone was like “omg where did u wander off to? i was looking all over for u!” and then it turns out it’s their sibling/uncle/whatever in that timeline and they just have to be like ah yes. i surely do know who u are

3. what they did to lila and diego was criminal!!! “she said she couldn’t get pregnant while breast feeding. but she could” dramatic ass reveal for no fucking reason. like get over yourself diego

4. ok i know they prob couldn’t get rays actor to come back but what the fuck do u mean he walked out. and how can allison afford that nice house when all she’s doing is being in commercials nobody wants. our girl has a BEAMER. also i thought they weren’t supposed to have phones or anything like that so why does allison have a vape lollll. not complaining bc that scene was funny to me but why and how

5. ughhh they were tryna set up lila and five SO BAD in the beginning. and even then they still gave off intense sibling vibes

6. ok maybe im just too american but the gun imagery was kinda not it for me. like idk i think the bit with santa claus coming out shooting at everything was supposed to be funny but idkk i think im just too sensitive bc i was like mkkk whatever not funny. also i know luther has super strength but even in s1 he still got majorly injured when that chandelier fell on him but now he’s fucking indestructible apparently?? like getting shot at and stuff?? what???

7. ok but that grandma loading her old timey gun while she turned to the siblings like O.O was funny i’ll give them that

8. speaking of guns wtf siblings are killing EVERYONE. like ik they started the apocalypse and everything but idek just the way they did it was so weird. like less detached/guilty and more like… triumphant? satisfied? idk but it had a different tone than even s3, i remember in s2 it was such an intense ordeal when allison made those two european brothers kill each other but this time they straight up mass murdered a bunch of ppl in a small town and were like B). like ok. like allsion mutilated that guy in front of her DAUGHTER and it was just chill. major tonal shift

9. “you just had to one up me” 1) you just killed a bunch of ppl diego!! 2) that is NOT the lila and diego i know. the real lila and diego would have started making out nasty style the moment lila killed that guy w her laser eyes. also wtf were the point of the laser eyes. she used them like twice and then that was it

10. with that being said all that affair stuff and recovery and addiction and relapse was getting so heavy. which ik is the point and the umbrella academy has always been heavy but like holy shit u GOTTA pick a struggle. is lila gonna groom five or is klaus gonna give claire trauma cos u can’t have both

11. speaking of claire… “would it help to remind u that we were just as shitty at her age” no u fucking weren’t. u could have breathed at ur british alien father wrong and he would have made u do drills until u puked. don’t play rn

12. why did they not trust the audience to pick up on the fact ben spiked their drinks. like we did not need a full on FLASHBACK. or like to be fully immersed in that scene, a tiny little flashback would have done

13. ok but why is this season so scary. like that train station made me paranoid

14. i will never forgive them for what they did to my girl lila. she used to serve CUNT

15. that british lady alien annoyed the fuck outta me

16. WHERE was pogo. and grace. they needed to find a way to bring them back. maybe they could have transported to a universe where the apocalypse happened and now the world was getting ruled by a planet of [gunshots]

17. why the fuck was diego acting like jennifer and ben weren’t linked in some way when all of s3 they alluded to the jennifer incident every other scene. i get it was supppsed to be so obvious even to someone who has ONLY watched s4 that jennifer and ben were linked so it was just a case of diego being stupid BUT that doesn’t work when it’s already been established that they all know jennifer played a part in ben’s death. hence calling it the Jennifer Incident

18. “they tried to address that in later scenes” they failed. they didn’t know how ben died, fine. but they knew jennifer had something to do w it. i’m tired of scenes that poke fun at diego for being stupid. he’s not stupid—he’s cocky

19. okay no but this season was SO gory. like. whatever they have guns this is a revolution but the guts? the intestines?? they wanted to be stranger things sooo bad

20. no but we need to talk about that. the monster thingie at the end was so stranger things and the guns and the military and everything it was like we were back in s3 (or whenever we met the russians)

21. LOL but that scene where diego finds out about five and lila was lowkey funny. this season was so meta in general

22. speaking of the holidays… i sure did love watching everyone sing christmas carols and walk around in the snow when it was hot asf in real time

23. i do like how many parallels there were to s1. like w viktor and reggie, it was very viktor and leonard in s1. and klaus getting kidnapped. although i was kinda tired of klaus getting abducted and his siblings not giving a fuck. i thought there was supposed to be growth there

24. okayyy but ben and jennifer were cute SORRY. “let’s get married” that would have worked on me. however being rude to me while i was at work WOULDNT have worked on me so maybe yall are right maybe we didn’t need a love interest this season

25. i did NOT expect them to actually drag out lila and five’s love story. other than the age gap (no matter how ur looking at it) you already knew it was gonna be bad as soon as they had their first kiss. i hate those multiple little open mouthed kisses that are literally just ALL lip and spit like that’s fucking gross if ur gonna stick ur tongue in my mouth u better do it by the third little :O we got going on there. and then five was giving boy. like literal boy. and lila is a literal goddess but a goddess that’s well into her 20s and the contrast was so sharp it rlly was giving mom and her caucasian child. i mean that bit about lila viewing it as survival vs five actually clinging onto it showed their different levels of maturity, but since it’s never specified if five is still a 50 year old man or just aging normally, his reaction rlly was such a teenage boy thing. “i’m gonna kill him” man shut the fuck up

26. ok no bc we need to talk about this. i think fives actor is my age—maybe even a little bit older—but i don’t see how anyone over the age of 18 is supposed to find him attractive. like idk it’s weird in the show but even creepier irl cos lila’s actor had to have known him when he was still a minor. why did anyone at the umbrella academy think we wanted this

27. anyway not to make this about myself but when i was writing the odesta longfic there were a lot of lore inconsistencies as we kept going bc i forgot some of the details and was too lazy to go back and read it sometimes, and i think that’s what happened this season. the most notable detail is when klaus covered his ears while everyone was shooting at each other. i was expecting some sort of vietnam flashback but like no. he was just there being normal about it, all things considered

28. “ex-squeeze me?” it wasn’t funny when klaus said it in s1. and it wasn’t funny here

29. alright i think that’s really all i wanted to say about the season tbh… like idk diego and lila starting a family made sense i guess and i know they were falling out of love (even tho they would never do that…) but i didn’t rlly feel any of the love w the kids. like even when lila stepped off the train at the last min and her daughter was banging at the glass it looked more like she was like “oh no :(“ and then just started poking at the glass. i don’t even think it matters that she didn’t fully know what was going on—if you’re a child and ur mom steps away in an unfamiliar situation, you’re gonna start to freak. especially w everything else that was going on

30. ok this is such a small thing to harp on but they abused the fuck outta that time skip font. like i don’t think they ever used it that much before now

31. now let’s get into the ending. this is how i would fix it:

we can keep jennifer. whatever. that thing they added at the very last second about her having a particle that causes the end of the world was… whatever. like i get it. they needed a way to explain the end of the world and that was the thing they used and even if it was very late to introduce such a (admittedly confusing) bombshell, at least it fits in with what we already know about this universe’s rules. magic and particles and marigold and whatever. jennifer is fine.

tbh when jennifer started feeling sick i was honestly thinking that they were gonna go the surprise pregnancy route even though they weren’t even fuckinf hinting at that i just have no media literacy. i wouldn’t have minded that tbh, like the monster transformation made more sense but imagine if we did a twilight ripoff for a second, except that jennifer and ben were both equally protective of the killer baby growing outside of jennifer’s womb (or in her womb… whatever. point is there’s a baby). i don’t think this is a good idea—if anything i think this is a shit idea. but something that’s always been so prominent in tua are the moral implications of what they’re doing, like with everyone wanting to kill harlan in s3 instead of letting the entire world die, and with everything that happened with viktor in s1. there was the whole “i can’t kill my brother” bit, sure, but everyone kinda didn’t rlly seem too enthusiastic about it.

actually the baby addition is actually a shit idea. i’m just keeping that part of the rant in bc we need SOME sort of moral dilemma that isn’t just viktor arguing w hargreeves and then his siblings dropping in later with opinions that don’t even seem that strong. everyone needs to have a strong opinion on SOME sort of moral issue that we wanna introduce—that, in a perfect world, we’d be building up to throughout the season—and then yeah whatever there can be an epic fight scene

i don’t watch/read a lot of time travel stuff, but from what i gathered, the timeline can never be restored once it’s fucked with. there has to be consequences, like with any story. and tua did address that—they tried restoring the timeline thousands of times—but i think they shot themselves in the foot there. time travel with a (somewhat) happy ending is possible—there just has to be something to lose, and it has to be something that isn’t nonnegotiable. claire was nonnegotiable, which is why i think they stayed in s3’s timeline for as long as they did

point is, i think they should have gone back to 2019. i mean i don’t think anyone really wanted them to die. i made a joke in s3’s rant that i would just give up, but lucky for me, i am not a fictional character in tua, so the fact they just die in the last five mins and we’re supposed to be ok w that makes the last three seasons pointless. like, actually pointless. what was the message here? why is the ending of the show painted as some sort of utopia just bc we got rid of the siblings? and why is five okay with that? i think him being on board w dying could have been an interesting route to take if they showed his relationship w his siblings consistently deteriorating (both on screen AND off screen) but they only rlly managed to do that with diego, and it was for something fucking stupid

ANYWAY. bring those fools back to 2019, but don’t make them totally happy. just give them something that makes them all just stay put, like how allison has claire (doesn’t matter which timeline. it could be from the fucked up timeline. i don’t think the cleanse would happen bc of that bc claire is only one person and not an entire fucking organization like tua or an assassination like jfk. so hell. might as well throw harlan and sissy in there for viktor. that makes lila and diego’s motivation really easy for staying put, cos then they have their kids. klaus is klaus and no offense to him but i think hes just gonna roll w the cards he’s dealt without trying to fight back, for better or for worse. then ben can have jennifer and since they love each other idk they just stick around. then five’s motivation for staying is that his family is alive and none of them want to leave and that’s good enough for him bc that’s why he time traveled in the first place

again… i don’t think what i came up with is any good. i just think it’s better than them all dying at the last fuckin second. i think this show relied on a lot of haha random xd humor at the beginning and they tried to keep that intact here but everything got so serious that i think them all dying rlly did seem like the only way out but.. it’s not. they could go back to the way things are as long as there were consequences. it would suck, and none of them would be as happy as they could be, but they know that’s as happy as they’re gonna get, so whatever. like, if we were gonna take the suicide route, we might as well gone the time loop route and gone back from the very beginning when five blinks back to 2019. i think that rly would have driven home the “this all would have happened anyway” point way better than them just being like guess ill die :) bc ughhh. no they wouldn’t. also they wouldn’t let lila leave bc she still had marigold in her but… what about her and diego’s kids?? they’re half marigold, and claire is a quarter, so… what’s up with that?

[abs-2020]

=Monster=

Pt. 5

(Avatar)Colonel Miles Quaritch x Na’vi Reader

Y’all alredy know the damn drill.

Warnings: SMUT/18+/violence/choking/pinning/overstimulation/heavy topics/Dirty talk/Virginity Loss/knife play maybe/size kink/FUTURE SMUT/Stockholm Syndrome/blood/ death/ smut again/ pet names/ hair pulling kink/ heavy topics etc…

P.S. uuuh stuff spoken in Na’vi is Italic and stuff readers thinking is blue

Summary: This takes place in ATWOW Aaand you’re neytiris older sister, and you get captured in order to save jakes children and spider. <3

Authors note: IT FINALLY CAME OUT!! ARENT YALL JUST SO HAPPY AND PROUD?? I’m happy. Also sorry for the wait. :) and if there’s typos I’m sorry, we all miss some things. Hopefully you like the chapter tho. It’s a little angsty? Maybe. I don’t know guys I just go with the flow here.

———————————————————————

The look in Miles eyes ‘my miles’ shattered your heart once the words left your mouth. It was as if a thousand pound weight had been dropped onto you, you couldn’t breath. You were shattered. You just shattered your own heart. Miles shattered your heart. Your words shattered your heart. Your ears would fall back even further another cry of pain leaving your mouth as you clutched onto your chest. You and miles eyes would stare into each other tears forming in his as he lay on the floor blood oozing from the scrape on his cheeks and tears falling from yours as you sat on pepe. His wings blowing air, might and strong as he lifted off the ground.

‘I can’t look at him’ sharply you’d turn your head the other direction and squeeze your eyes shut. ‘I can’t look at him and leave’ the words were like stone in your heart as you clicked your tung and told pepe to…

“Go” another cry leaving your mouth.

Quickly pepe would rise the flaps of his wings getting stronger as he rose farther from the ground. He’s screech as he flew above Mother tree and into the forest. Miles didn’t call for you. And you didn’t look back to see if was watching you leave. You couldn’t. Or else you’d go back. The last thought you had in your mind as the sun shone down on you and pepe and the wind blew in your face was

‘Find Netyiri’ and with that pepe would screech following your orders.

———————————————————————

You didn’t know how Long you had been flying, it felt like ages. Ages since you’d seen the forest of any kind of land. Ages since you’d seen miles. The thought had your stomach turn. ‘Miles..’ you remembered your last conversation with your mate..’Soulmate..’ you thought about what you had said to him. And again your stomach turned and twisted into an undesirable knot. You called him a monster. A monster. You knew he hated the word… he loathed it. And you called him a monster. It made you feel like the monster.

A hiss from pepe would have you lift your head from his neck to look to your surroundings. Your eyes would widen.

“The Metkayina..” the words would fall from your lips in a foreign matter.

‘Jake and Netyiri can’t be here. They wouldn’t come here. These are water people. We are forest people.’ You would shake you head and look to pepe furrowing your brows.

“I told you to take me to-“

Pepe would screech and turn his head too look at you as a siren was cast at your arrival. The sound would fill you ears and cause your heart to panic and thump.

“Okay I trust you.” You’d pat Pepe’s neck a satisfied hum filling his throat as he flew to a sanded area that was big enough for him to land.

You head and ears would go up and down and back and fourth and the siren. Your eyes staring at the water people that crowded you and pepe as he landed with a screech the flap of his wings causing sand to go all over the place. You stayed on top of pepe once he landed. You weren’t Comfortable enough to leave him. You were scared. Scared of looking like a fool. You’d look to Pepe’s green and purple back before lifting your head to meet the eyes of the The Metkayina that were staring at you. Your ears would fall back at the look in their eyes. They looked at you witch shock? Fear? Disgust? Your tail would whip because of how anxious you were. ‘Maybe pepe was wrong.’

With a deep breath and an every deeper sign you’d break you and Pepe’s bond and slowly slide off of him. Again you’d meet eyes with the water people and curse at yourself.

“I-I’m-I-I’m looking for Jake Sully and my sister Netyiri.” You’d say with raised hands. You didn’t want to come off as a threat.

Your ears would fall back when you didn’t get an immediate answer. ‘Pepe was wrong’ was your first thought as you strayed into the eyes of a teen with a bun, big eyes, and a necklace wrapped around his throat. A grimace would cross his face as he took a step forward.

“And who might you be?” His tone was mocking and full of entertainment.

You weren’t having it. Not from a child. Not from a bratty child. Your ears would fall back as you stared down at the Metkayina. Your lips forming into a harsh line. You’d take enough bullshit these past couple of weeks then you had ever wanted to ever again. But just as you were about to scold the boy a voice would screech your name.

“(Y/N)!” It was Kiris voice.

At the sound of her words your ears would immediately perk and your head would turn sharply.

“Kiri!” Your ears would fall back as he name left your lips. You never thought you would see the girl again. Let alone say her name out loud.

Tears would form in your eyes as you turn your body to the direction of her voice. Your legs would scurry pain from you earlier actions shooting to your core. You’d ignore the pain and memories as you pushed and shoved Metkayina out of the way to get to your family member. And once you saw kiri through and opening you’d fall to your knees and cover your mouth with one hand as you reached to her with the other. Quickly kiri would rush to you and put herself in your embrace whilst wrapping you in hers. A sob would leave your throat as you held back tears. ‘I’ve cried way too much lately’

“I never thought I’d see you again sister.” Kiri would coo as she bent down to your level her eyes meeting yours. Empathy and sympathy filled her big yellow eyes as your ears fell back and your tail wrapped around her ankle.

Kiris hand would cup your cheek the action causing a Memory of miles to flash before your eyes. This had you closing your eyes and throwing your head down as a whimper left your lips.

“You looks so pale and malnourished sister. And you’re covered in bruises..” Kiri would whisper “and you’ve mated with someone…” ‘her intuition is good.’ Kiris ears would fall back at her words. You could tell by the look in her eyes she knew. She knew everything. Your ears would follow behind kiris also falling back. Another sob would leave your throat.

‘I look so weak infront of this child.’ Is all you could think as you continued to hold back your tears. Slowly you’d bring your hand to Kiris cheek and give her a saddened and pained smile.

“Kiri.. my dear..we all make mistakes..” you’d bite your tongue at your words. ‘It wasn’t a mistake, I loved Miles.. I love miles.’ You’d shake your head and raise your hand. “We all fall in love at some point, even if it’s the wrong person..” you’d bite your lip hearing your words. They weren’t true. “I don’t want to talk about this..just let me enjoy the moment. I never thought I’d see my family again.” And those words were true. You never thought you’d see them again. Ever.

Kiri would sign and smile as she hugged you. Twirling a few strands of your hair between her fingers. “Your hair looks pretty like that.” You’d smile. At least she knew how to change a subject.

“(Y/N)” you’d jump up at Netyiri’s voice. Your little sisters voice.

Netyiri was behind you. And so was Jake. Jake. Netyiris eyes would tear up as yours met hers. Both of you hated crying. Both of you. But when your eyes met and you two embraced each other the tears fell. Both of your guyses tears. The tears fell as if they would never stop. Becasue you didn’t want them to. You wanted to cry so much that you would never cry again. As you two hugged you cried tears of joy and sadness. Joy of being with your family and being safe. And sadness of being away from miles and never seeing him again. Ever. Another wail left your throat at the thought. And jakes ears would fall back. He’d never seen you so emotional. You were usually just a mute. And seeing you show something other than nothing had him cringing.

“W-we thought we’d never see you again.” Jake would say shyness lacing his voice. As his ears fell back.

You’d squeeze Netyiri tighter at his words. And she’d squeeze back. You hadn’t hugged her since Tsu’tey died. But even then you didn’t hug her back at the time.

“I didn’t think I’d see you either.. all of you.” You’d add seeing Lo’ak, Tuk, and Netayum. You’d smile at them and open your arms to them. Everyone rushing in to hug you.

All of them said things that flew in one ear and right out the next as they hugged you. You were to in your head to listen to anything anyone else had to say.

———————————————————————

The sun was still bright in the sky, The Metkayina were very kind and accepting of your arrival. They were happy to see that a family member was safe and returned. Their little girl was adorable as well. It made you wonder what having your own kids would be like, although that thought was quickly shut down when you remembered miles. The thought made your heart shrink. Luckily Netyiri hadn’t noticed your bruise. But Jake had. Of course he had. He was a marine just like Miles. He noticed everything.

A cool breeze would flow through your unbranded and free hair as you sat at the Edge of the water. You didn’t want to bathe, if you did you’d be washing miles scent off of you. Washing him away. The last bit of him. You’d be washing the dried and crusted blood that sat at the inside of your thigh, a painful and happy memory. A wonderful one. You didn’t want to let miles go. But you had to. So, with a shakey breath you’d arise from the ground and head into the cold water. Slowly you’d wash the scent of miles away from you. Painfully.

Slowly you’d dip your sweaty and “alien” scented hair into the water finally removing the last bit of miles you had left. you’d bite your lip as a frown crossed your blue face. Your ears falling back your grip on your hair tightening as you drained the salty ocean water from it.

Finally, miles was gone.

———————————————————————

“Finally, you’ve rid yourself of that demon stench.” Netyiri would say with a hiss and a jerk away of her head. ‘My demon…’

Your ears would fall back at her words as you sat next to her in the hut. Kiri’s eyes with lift from her hands to yours a look that said ‘oh no’ crossing her features as she looked between the two of you. Your eyes would trail from your hands to Netyiri’s. You wanted to bash her skull in, in that moment. Your tail would flick at the thought, but you’d just shake your head. A small ‘mhm’ leaving your lips.

Tuk would pitch in at that moment. “He’s not gonna find us again is he?” You and Netyiri’s head would snap to Tuk.

‘I hope so..’ was what your heart said. But you just shook your head and placed your hand on top of Tuks head.

“No, No sweetheart. Miles isn’t coming for me- for us.” The words would fall for your lips before you could catch them. kiri would cringe as the whole room turned to look at you. Netyiri’s ears would fall back a gasp leaving her mouth.

“Why would he come just for you?” Lo’ak would laugh in a confused tone. But nobody else laughed.

Jakes ears would fall as he looked to Netyiri. The look they have each other made you uneasy.

“I meant us.” Is all you could say in a rushed and defensive tone as your ears perked and your tail whipped. “Jake is the one he’s after…” those words were like stones in your heart.

Because what if he didn’t love you like you loved him? What if he had just used you? And manipulated you? So he could’ve eventually gotten to Jake. ‘What if.’ What if he mates with you for a mission. What if you couldn’t and didn’t change him. The thought was almost more hurtful than the words you had screamed at miles before you left. Another frown would cross your face, but quickly you’d take a deep breath and put on your best poker face.

“Jakes the one he wants…’

———————————————————————

“You are a worse diver than Lo’ak.” Aonung would laugh as he splashed water into your face, shacking his head as an amused expression crossing his features.

Your ears would fall back as you spat the salty ocean water from your mouth and rubbed it from your eyes. ‘Little shit’ rage would boil and course through your veins as a very annoyed and angry expression crossed your face. You’d take a deep shakey breath and stay quiet for a minute. Unexpectedly you’d burst out in laughter.

“You are an asshole.” You’d spit as you splashed water back into his face. Your laugh echoing through your ears.

“And a good diver.” Aonung would say with a proud raise of his arms and a playful smirk. Your mouth would fall open at his words. ‘What an arrogant kid’ was all you could think as you splashed more water into his face. ‘He’s a funny kid.’

You’d just stare at him in awe and I silence. That was until you both broke out laughing, again, you felt like a 12 year old as you both keet laughing. Your ears would fall back as a smile of pain and joy crossed your face.

“Oh my good my stomach- It’s burning!” Youd yell in joy as you continued to tread the ocean water. Aonung would agree with you as he clutched he stomach with one arm both of you still laughing like children.

After what felt like forever your laughter would die down and you’d both sit still in the water a smile painting your blue face. Aonung would stare at you for a moment, as if he was reading you.

“You should smile more. You have a nice smile.” Aonung’s words were true, you could feel it. And they were sincere too. It had your ears falling back and your smile fading. “I think that was the first time I’ve seen you smile. You should be happy you’re with your family.”

‘But I’m not with my miles’

———————————————————————

You sat on the edge of the beach shore the tide pulling the water back and fourth a southing sound filling the air from the ocean current. Your tail was still as was your body as you clutched your knees to your chest. No expression rested on your face as you hugged yourself. The sun was setting, it was about to be eclipse. It reminded you of miles and your game of tag. Reminded you of when you mated. And that made your heart sour. So so very sour. You weren’t supposed to be this way, you should be happy, you had gotten back to your family for Christ sake. But seeing Netyiri and Jake, Ronal and Tonowari and even Lo’ak and Tsireya made you think of miles, and what it would’ve been like if you hadn’t left. Of if you would’ve changed him. But he had his wants and his want for revenge. You had finally convinced yourself of that, that he never loved you and he had only used you to get to Jake. That also made your heart sour.

You couldn’t sleep, you hadn’t slept since that night. The night the Viper Wolf found you and Showed you Ewya’s message, her heart shattering message. And since you couldn’t sleep, you practiced swimming, talked to pepe, and sat here while everyone else slept. You were now a ‘decent diver’ in Aonung’s words.

“Sister.. are you alright?”

Your head would snap around at the unexpected and quiet voice behind you. It was Kiri. Your ears would fall back as she shyly inched towards you her shawl draped around her body.

“Kiri…what are you doing up so late?? you should be in bed!”

You’d scold as if she was your child, you’d scold her to push her away. You wanted to loath alone.

“You’re here every night, I just wanted to make sure you were okay…” kiri would pause. “You’re not sleeping…” Kiri would sit next to you and gulp. “You miss him.” It was a statement, not a question. A statement.

You’d pull your knees closer to yourself at her words. A pain suddenly filling your heart at the thought of him. ‘The monster.’ Your lips would form into a harsh line as your stared into the ocean.

“I wanted to change him… I thought I could change him.” You’d say truthfully

“Did you give him time to change?” Kiri would ask her tone calm.

Your ears would fall back. “No, no I just left.”

Kiri would sigh. “You wanted him to change, and you wanted to be the one to change him but you gave him no chance to change.”

The truth of Her words stabbed your heart.

“But Kiri, after what Ewya showed me I had to.” You cried in a whisper.

Kiri would stay quiet for a moment. Then she’d sigh.

“(Y/N) Ewya showed you what she knew you needed to see. What you chose to do after was on you.” Kiris tone would sadden.

“And I chose the wrong thing.” You’d say plainly.

Kiris ears would fall back at your words.

“Sometimes, when you love something or someone you have to let them go or leave so they can see what they did wrong.” Kiri would say her tail now just as still as yours.

“That is exactly why I left Kiri.” You’d say. “I loved him, I still do. But I can’t stay with a man that is trying to destroy everything I believe and love.”

Kiri would finally turn to look at you. And you would turn to her. Both of your eyes were filled with sadness and grief.

“Because he’s a man who’s only been taught and told to destroy the things you love. But his cup is empty, he’s only living for what he thinks he wants and knows. It’s up to you to fill his cup and show him what he needs.”

‘What he needs.’ The thought rang through your head. ‘He needs me.’ You’d take a deep breath this time and let out an ever bigger sigh. Your ears would fall back as you turned to look back at the ocean the moonlight reflecting onto the water. Then you’d turn back to Kiri.

“Thank you kiri, Oel ngati kameie.” A small smile would cross your lips at the same time it would kiri’s. But there was still pain. Pain in your heart. “Since when we’re you so wise and grown up?” You’d ask your ears falling back at the thought of a child being wiser than you.

Kiri would roll her eyes and scoff.

“Sister, I learned from you.”

You’d smile again.

———————————————————————

A ball of fear would form in the pit of your stomach when you eyes met Tonowari’s fear filled one’s. Yours, Netyiri’s, and jakes laughter all dying down inside the small hut. All three of your tails would still as Tonowaris eyes met jakes. Quietly Jake would stand and stoically walk after Toniwari. You and Netyiri would turn to each other the same look plastered onto both of your faces.

“He’s coming for you.” Netyiri would spit as she aggressively threw her head down and continued to thread a basket.

Your ears would fall as an offended scoff would leave your mouth. ‘So Naive’ your finger would twitch.

“Im not on his hit list.” You’d say plainly. Your tone dead and warning. Your tail would flick as you ears fell further back. “There’s no red ledger with my name on it.”

Netyiri would click her tongue and throw her head up to look at you. Her eyes were animalistic. Full of rage. But full of hurt. Her hand would raise to you as she pointed a finger at you.

“No (Y/N)…” Netyiri would take a deep breath in. “But you are his mate…” ‘she knew’ your eyes would widen as Netyiri threw her hand down to the floor. “And his instincts will do nothing to stop until he’s got you back.” Netyiri would cover her mouth as she gave you a look of disgust and took another deep breath to calm herself.

You’d fingers would twitch again. ‘How can she give me a look of disgust when she’s done the same thing?’ You’d tilt your head and stare into her eyes. Your brows would furrow as you ears fell back.

“Don’t look at me like that. You are no better.” You’d say sternly. You were mad. You saw hints of red. But Netyiri was your little sister, you couldn’t hurt her. Or yell at her. You did mate with the man that killed your father. And you knew that would bring shame.

“You mated with the man that KILLED our father! That killed Tsu’tey! YOUR BOUND to be MATE!” Netyiri would shout as she threw her unfinished basket at you. “YOU MATED WITH A MONS-“

‘Don’t call him that.’ You’d grab netyiris hands and place them yours very aggressively. But the action was to calm her. You’d take a deep breath and close your eyes for a moment, you needed to be calm and see clearly. You had to be the bigger person. With another deep breath your grab Netyiri’s face and cup both of her cheeks and force her disgusted eyes to meet your calm ones. ‘She’s acting like a child throwing a tantrum.’

“AND SO WHAT?..” you’d shout as you raised your brows and stared into Netyiri’s eyes. “AND SO WHAT??..” you’d shake her head with your hands trying to shake her cloud of anger away. “HE IS MY MATE YES, I DID MATE WITH HIM…” you’d close your eyes and sigh again. Your grip on Netyiri’s face getting tighter. “But… my family is more important. This family is more important. That is why I came back. I love this family. I love my little sister. And I will kill anybody who tries to harm a single member of it.. even him. Even miles.”

Netyiri would stare into your eyes her ears still back but her breathing and body now calm and still. Slowly you’d ease your grip on Netyiri’s head until you finally let go and brang both of your hands to yourself. You were both quiet. Then you’d speak.

“And I’ll die by those words.” Your tone was now sad and filled with an emptiness. ‘I’ll die by those words..’

———————————————————————

“My baby brother faced with the Killer Tulkun and lived to tell the tell, yeah right.” Netayum would laugh as he pushed then pulled Lo’ak to give him a noogie. He was making fun of him. Your lips would press into a hard line when everybody else laughed, everyone except you, Kiri and Lo’ak.

“Whatever, you guys aren’t listening.” Lo’ak would push netayum away and storm off.

‘Teenagers.’ You’d roll your eyes and shake your head.

“Sometimes, the things people say and the stories they tell are true.” Your eyes would burn holes into netayum’s his ears falling back.

“Yeah but that wasn’t, there’s no way he’d make it out alive. Payakan is a killer. And a monster.” Aonung would chime in.

‘Monster..’ that word. Again. For the thousandth time. You’d look look to the children around you making brief eye contact with all of them until finally speaking.

“Not everyone you’re told or think is a monster is a monster. Not everything you’re told about someone is true. Stories can be changed and taken many many different ways. So how you take it and see that person doesn’t mean it’s true. But even then what happened to payakan to make him a monster? Have any of you ever thought about that? No, you only see what you want to see.” You’d look to Kiri. “No one’s ever truly a monster, no one.” Your ears would fall back. Each word you spoke made you think of miles and how you left him. What you called him. “So if this so called monster did save Lo’ak then maybe just maybe he isn’t a monster yes? Maybe He saved Lo’ak because he wanted someone to know he wasn’t a monster.”

You’d stand from where you were sat and stare at the children and teen infront of you. Your eyes were glossy. ‘Keep your poker face keep it.’

“Think about that next time.” With a wave of your hand you’d turn around and make your way back to the hut with hurried and sloppy steps.

Once you’d reached your destination you’d throw yourself against the wall. You were an idiot. You should have thought this way before. ‘Before I left miles’ your ears would fall back as you face palmed ‘my miles..’

“Please Ewya… please bring me my miles back..” You’d say out loud.

———————————————————————

Your ears would fall back at the color red. Red water. Red water only meant one thing, Blood. A pit would form in your gut as the stench of death filled the air. The sky was dark, and grey and the clouds were black. Your body and senses were overcome by the sound and the feeling of rain falling onto your blue body. It only added to the mood. The gloomy and dreadful mood. Slowly you’d ride your Ilu with jake, netyiri, Ronowari, and ronal towards the ‘dead’ floating Tulkun. Then your heart would sink. ‘It was Ronal’s soul sister..’ your hand would shoot you to your mouth as a look of dread and sadness crossed your blue face. Your eyes would shoot a glance at Ronal. but then you’d turn your head away and face it down. You couldn’t. You couldn’t look at her. You couldn’t see the look of realization on her face. You just couldn’t. But a sound of pain coming from the stoic woman would have your ears falling back and your body stiffening.

“What is this?” Ronal would ask to no on one particular her tone full of agony. “Oh no.”

A splash would have you looking up to the scene only feet away and your body would go numb. ‘She was in so much shock.. she was hugging a dead corpse..’ she was hugging a dead corps. The dead corpse of her sound sister. And her calf was just floating right next to her. ‘Dead.’ Both of there eyes were open, bloodshot, and slightly rolled back. The sight had your heart throbbing in a way you didn’t know it could. Another sound of pain would have you cringing.

“Ronowari WHAT IS THIS?!” Another gasp would leave her mouth as she said something about the composer of souls and her calf. You were to dazed and in your own world to comprehend what she was saying.

‘It was miles..’ a flash of what Ewya had showed you back at the Tree of Souls would fill your vision. Again your ears would fall back and your tail would wrap around your own body to comfort yourself in some way. But then a flash of your lover and his smile, his alien hands, his strong arms, his slim waist, his tattoo, and again his smile would flash. Then you’d feel conflict. Annoyance. Love. Sadness. And mourning. You missed him. But you hated him. ‘How could he do this?’ Was the last thought that filled your mind as the rain continued to pour and soak your hair as you stared into the horizon.

———————————————————————

The last thing you remember was the crowd of the Metkayina yelling and chanting their war cries for revenge. Then Jake silencing and calming them. Warning them. About the sky people. And the demon ship. Then Lo’ak, Lo’ak running off to go warn Payakn and Netayum and the rest of the children following after him. Including you. Including you. Everything was still hazy from Ronal and the dead Tulkun and it’s calf. But you just remember the shouts, the screams and the worried voices of the children. Your family. ‘Get it out’ and ‘pull harder’ filled your ears along with grunts and grimaces. Then the words ‘demon ship’ and ‘it’s getting closer’ ‘miles’ You weren’t even in your body, it was like you were watching yourself and everything from above. That was until you heard your name getting called by Kiri. She pulled you from your trance and haze.

~~~~~~(Miles POV)~~~~~~~

“Well I’ll be damned” my voice boomed from my throat.

‘there she was’ my ears would fall back at the sight of her. Her hair knotted and matted, once beautiful and life filled eyes now lifeless and colorless giant grey bags resting underneath them, her colorful blue skin now a pale and grey blue. And she was skinny, skinnier than before. Malnourished. She just looked ‘depressed’ was the first word that ran to mind when I saw her. I’d shake my head to myself as I looked at my lover ‘betrayer’ through the sight of my rifle. I thought I had looked bad after being away from her. After she left. After she called me ‘monster….’

I’d shake my head as my tail went between my legs at the thought. That word. I hated that word. I wasn’t that man. I wasn’t him. With a sigh I’d lift my rifle and look to (Y/N) once more. She wasn’t moving. She was just sitting there, staring. Into nothing. She was in a trance. Or a haze. She was stuck in her mind. ‘Her beautiful mind’ then suddenly her head would snap to the kids ‘silly’s kids..’ a look of worry plastered onto her slim and pale face.

“Silly’s kids are here. I want each and every last one of his offspring on this boat ALIVE.” My words were full of venom as my ears fell back at the thought of Jake. A hunger filled my stomach. Revenge.

“And the bitch?” Lyle would chirp from behind me.

‘Don’t call her that’ is what I wanted to yell. A defensive energy filled me from head to toe at the word Lyle had called (Y/N), my mate. I’d pucker my lip at my blue comrade before speaking.

“Leave her to me.” Something sinister came over me at the thought of having (Y/N) back in my possession. My arms. My hold. My control. My grasp. I wanted her back. I needed her. She’s my sanctuary. “She’s mine.”

~~~~~~~(End of Miles POV)~~~~~~~

“(Y/N).. we need your help.” Kiri would whine her ears back and a worried expression across her face.

You’d shake your head and look around to the children. They were all freaked. And panicked. Like sheep. Or chickens. You’d close your eyes and take a deep breath. ‘Great mother give me Strength.’

“Netayum, I’m going to call in your father and let him know what’s going on. You guys keep pulling. Aonung Use this rope, tie it to the tracker and pull. All of you.”You’d throw the rope at the children. And they’d nod.

Quickly you’d rush your fingers to the mic set around your neck and talk into it.

“Jake, Jake I have the kids, all of them. Including Tsireya and Aonung. We’re trying to get a tracker out of a Tulkun, The demon ship is coming. ‘Miles is coming’ It’s in pursuit.”your words were full of a condensed panic and warning as you told Jake your location.

Quickly you’d turn around to see the kids pulling the tracker out of payakan a relief would wash over your body as they yelled for the Tulkun to swim away.

“Netayum, give me the tracker.” You’d hold your hand out, and hesitantly Netayum woukd put the tracker in your hands. You’d cradle the device in one arm as you looked to the children once again. “The rest of you GO, GO and hide. Stay with each other, Get Somewhere safe and do your best not to get caught..” you’d give Kiri and Aonung one last smile before waving the bunch off, heading in an opposite direction.

With a click of your tung your Ilu would dive under the water and head away from the Demond ship as the tracker beeped into your ear. Each beep louder than the last as it synced with your heartbeat both sounds pounding into your ears. You’d look behind you one last time, to the demon ship. To miles. ‘He knows im here.’ Your ears would fall back at that thought.

Quicker than expected blasts would shake you and your IIu from side to side. The echos from the blasts causing your ears to ring and your body to stiffen. A gasp would leave your throat at the intensity and unexpectedness of the blasts, this caused water to fill your lungs as you squeezed your eyes shut and you and your IIu rushed to the surface of the ocean water. Once you’d breached the surface you’d gasp for air as you coughed out the uninvited salty water that had invaded your lungs. You couldn’t breath. Panic would invade your senses as your blue fingers clutched at your throat. ‘Oh my god’ was your only thought as you pounded onto your chest. Your tail would whip furiously and your ears would perk up. ‘Oh my god’ you thought again as black spots clouded and filled your vision Your blue face starting to turn purple. You’d pound onto your chest harder than before. Pounding and pounding until a gush of water finally poured from your lips. You’d continue to cough up the water taking giant gasps of breath Every now and then as you leant over and rested your hand on top of your IIu’s back. Your ears would drop as your head hung and your hair putting a curtain around your face. ‘I almost died’ your body would tremble as your regained your breath and your strength. Slowly your tail would wrap itself around your trembling from.

But then the hairs on your body would stand up as your head hung. Your ears would quickly perk as a warning filled your senses. Your brain and intuition screamed at you to turn around as alarms were sent through your brain. The screech of an Ikran would sting your ears. A scared noise would leave your body as you whipped around. But you were too late. An Ikrans tallons would reach at you and snatch you with ease. The harness of the bond being torn from you and the IIu had you screaming and clutching at your Queue. The ikrans tallons would dig into your shoulder piercing your skin with ease. That would have another cry leaving your mouth. Hurriedly you’d pull a dagger from your chest piece and jab it into the ikrans leg. A screech of pain would fill your ears along with a familiar yell. But you’d push that aside as the ikrans tallon left your shoulder letting you go. With a scilet gasp you’d fall through the sky spinning in circles that had your stomach turning. You’d continue to fall until your back hit the water knocking the air out of your lungs once again. ‘Pain’ was your only thought as you sunk down and closed your eyes trying to ease your pain somehow. You were too tired. And too weak. The effects from not sleeping and eating finally setting into your frail body. ‘Maybe it would be easier if I just sunk to the bottom’ you thought as you continued to let yourself sink. But your prayers weren’t answered as something, a hand tangled it’s self into your hair and harshly pulled you from the water and into the air once again. your scalp immediately burning at the feeling. Your eyes would water as your gripped your own hair trying to ease the pain. A sound of pain would leave your lips as your hands clawed at the hand in your hair.

“PUT ME DOWN!” You’d yell your voice cracking from how much pain you were in.

“I guess, If that’s what you want.” a silky voice would fill your ears. Miles voice. Your eyes would shoot open at his voice.

“Mile-“ a gasp would cut your words short as you were let go, miles hands untangling from your hair.

You’d scream as you fell through the air closing your eyes once again bracing for impact. Only this time you didn’t hit water. You hit rock. Stone. ‘Demon ship’ Something hard. A crack would fill your ears as your side hit the floor of the demons ship. Another sickens scream would leave your mouth as you clutched at your side the impact shooting through your whole body. ‘Get up’ your mind shouted at you as you scurried from your ball on the floor to your two shaky legs. Your eyes would fill with fear as you looked around and scurried to the Edge of the ship. Another screech would fill your ears as an ikran landed right in front of you the wind from its wings causing your hair to whip around. Quickly you’d dart to the side trying to make an escape. But this Time miles jumped infront of you. But this wasn’t your miles. This was a different miles. A darker miles. A miles with a sinister look plastered onto his face. A miles with revenge radiating from his body. A miles with a smirk full of terrible intent. A miles with flaring nostrils. a miles with a tent in his pants. An actual monster. Your ears would fall back as you made eyes contact with your mate, his eyes would soften. But only for a second.

“Found you princess.”

——————————————————————————////

Authors note:gal am I happy to finally get this out for you guys. Also if I don’t tag you it’s casue it doesn’t work and you haven’t allowed tagging, and I probably missed you and I’m sorry for that. But let me know if there’s Abby problems with the chapter, y’all’s comments are much appreciated. <3

Pt.1 Pt.2 Pt.3 Pt.4

@kimqueenofhell @strawberrytodes @esposadomd @kitty-cat-luver @spookyspecterino @vane28282 @Perlious-pasta @milesquaritcheswife @gayfagdownthestreet @anbanananna @pinkpotatoqueen @witxhy-lexx @perseny @seashelldom @Fairrydairry @Meuw101 @Blueberrythrawn @Blossom618 @Liaaaaalove @kadu-5607 @Rayan39 @4shbug @Missmokaaa @Tmblersexyw0man @Sarcasticrandy @feral-yashiro @Usedcloves @maxinej @hobbledehoy26 @weepingwitchofthewest @afandommultiverse-main @wraith-queen-todd @deltaxgene @drinking-tea-and-be-obsessed @deliciousdilfmentality @Urmama111 @sofiebstar @Tkemaladze @kaiisntokay @Sizzlingdragonfriendprune @Blossom618 @creampuffx14 @neteyamsbulletwound @nieshiren @Peggy206 @jinx210 @Kenziieeee @dulcetious-phase @kassadaga @gremlinfuck @starkay @rdeville @boss-baby-jongho @Bbylime @Mad-simp420 @aonungs-tsahik @Sillylovedragon @shuriri4life @Gen-west

[pampanope]

Graves Headcannons from Shadows’ POV (Part 3):

part 1 Part 2

((Hey ya’ll, hope the weekends a good one! More Graves stuff~))

The Graves manual made it back to 7-11 a mere two weeks since his last entry.

He groggily left his blanket cocoon of warmth, shambled towards the door, wrenched it open ready to chew out the impertinent little shit who’d been rapping at it incessantly, only to have the massive binder shoved into his chest with enough force to stun him; too stunned to catch the identity of his unwanted visitor, who had the sense to haul ass immediately away from the doorway.

There was giggling accompanied by several voices and boots scampering down the hallway.

Ballsey, noisy, and reckless enough to bother an officer at 0600 on his one day of zero responsibility? Clearly they were the fresh batch of recruits he’d been working on, still too new and wet behind the ears to have callsigns of their own.

If he was any other lieutenant 7-11 would’ve given chase, hunted each of them down and handed out extra drills and the honor of scrubbing one of the barracks’s communal showers.

Alas, he was only himself; lazy at his core and an unrepentant enjoyer of his day off. No baby Shadows he needed to teach, no training with his platoon, and no paperwork. Unless the more senior staff or an act of god (Graves) said otherwise, 7-11 wasn’t gonna exert more energy than he needed to.

Sleep ruined, 7-11 rubbed the grogginess from his eyes and plopped the heavy binder onto his desk. Might as well add some shallow, surface level Graves trivia, because anything deeper was too much for his fuzzy mind.

~~~~~~

-it’s not that he’s ashamed but he’s very self-conscious of his accent; he’s aware of the stereotypes attached to it, so he softens and flattens it a bit when dealing with clients.

-but when he’s relaxed, exhausted, fighting off sleep’s siren call? The accent thickens, sweet as molasses.

-turns red when he thinks he’s been caught nodding off though. Everyone should pretend they didn’t notice and wait for sleep to drag him under. Calling attention will just fluster him.

-some of you’ve seen or heard the boss mumble in his sleep; again, pretend you never noticed.

-He seems to bristle or shy away a bit at showing vulnerability or receiving affection.

(Like a growly coyote that won’t admit to enjoying head scritches, 7-11 mused fondly. Let’s see if we can fix that.)

-although he likes the occasional drink, Graves tries to keep a sober head most times as commander, especially on missions (the Graves Alone Xmas fiasco, as many Shadows have taken to calling it, was a damn fluke, an aberration, and 7-11 will make sure there will never be a repeat)

-he bites. Hard. No, i will not elaborate.

-has a fragrant woodsy scent (it’s fucking distracting, especially during spars)

-Graves is possessive. More on this another time.

-gets severe road rage; Graves will shout, abuse the horn, roll down the window to insult you, your mother, and your shit driving in that order, and stick a hand out to flip you off; he’d flip you off with both hands if he didn’t need one on the wheel at all times. (The Shadows are glad he isn’t reckless enough to try and overtake anyone while cuts him off, he’s just REALLY loud about it.)

-he isn’t bad at cooking, he’s actually pretty good. Just limited in what he makes, but they turn out delicious. (“Hell, if you get stuck with me in some safe house, at least you won’t be swallowing down burnt MREs while pretending you wouldn’t sell my ass for a single corn chip.”) In this, he’s excellent wife material self-sufficient.

~~~~~~~

7-11 decided that was enough writing on his day off before shutting the binder. He got up, did some luxurious, toe curling stretches, and padded towards the bathroom to get the day started.

If he’s lucky, he could find a warm patch of grass to nap on before the sun rose to high. Preferably somewhere pesky baby Shadows wouldn’t find him.

[helenaheissner]

Love During Robot Fighting Time: Chapter 14

Hello, lovelies! Hope y'all are doing well :)

Don't forget you can read three chapters ahead on this story, twenty chapters ahead on "A Dream of Summer Rain", and two chapters ahead on "Magical Girl Exorcist Squad", by becoming a paid subscriber on my Substack or my Patreon!

***

Zeke

12 months earlier

I squatted in the Pits, putting the finishing touches on our minibot, Gurren, in preparation for our fight with Team Bottle Rocket in twenty minutes. I was so zoned in on getting all the screws extra tight that I almost missed my phone blaring out a Kendrick Lamar song. I groaned when I saw the caller ID. “Hi, Mom,” I said, attempting to keep the stress and frustration out of my voice. It was better to get whatever ‘conversation’ this was out of the way now- if I tried to put it off and ignore her, she’d just be even more cantankerous about it when we actually got around to it. 

“Hellllo, Ezeekielll,” she slurred, her words blending together at the borders of the syllables. Oh, good. “How are you this evening?”

“Uh, a little busy to be honest, Mom,” I said. 

“Busy? Busy with what? It’s not like you have a job.”

I breathed in a sharp sigh through my nose. “I do have a job, Mom. It’s just seasonal.”

“Those obnoxious shows you go on don’t count as a-”

“Mom, was there a specific reason you called?” I asked, focusing on keeping the screws tight. “Like I said, I’m a little busy.”

“Too busy to talk to your dear ol’ mum,” she said, her accent starting to slip out. She’d been training herself not to have one ever since she’d moved to the States back when she was a teenager, but sometimes it still flared up. Usually when she’d indulged in one too many Screwdrivers. “That’s a problem, you know- you’ll never get a girlfriend if you hate your own mother.”

“I don’t hate you, Mom,” I said monotone. 

“Love the exact phrasing there, Ezekiel. Very gentlemanly.”

The screwdriver, my screwdriver, a literal one, slipped out of my hands. And as I reached down for it, I noticed my breathing- sharp, fast, all inhale and holding my breath, only exhaling when I absolutely needed to. “Thank you, Mother, I try.”

“Don’t you get sarcastic with me, young man- that’s hardly a trait that will do you any favors with the ladies either.”

I reached for the screwdriver on the ground, but my hand trembled when I tried to grip it. It slipped out of my grasp and hit the floor once again. “Look, Mom, my match starts in a few minutes, I really need to finish these repairs on Dai Guren-”

“Oh God, I forgot you gave that stupid thing a name. How asinine.”

Cold, soggy shame dripped off of me, and I let myself inhale and exhale through my mouth. 

And of course she kept going: “And that’s another thing- why is it just you doing this? Don’t you have teammates for this nonsense? They don’t appreciate you. If they did, they wouldn’t force you to do all the work-”

“They don’t force me to do all the work, Mom!” I snapped. “And I’m doing these repairs because I’m good at them. They had to go handle other stuff for the match. It’s not actually that complicated, but you refuse to understand!”

A few moments of deafening silence poured out from the other end of the line. “This is clearly not going to be a productive conversation. I think I’m done with you for the evening. I’ll call you back when you’re in a more reasonable headspace.”

“Mom-”

She ended the call before I could get another word out. 

It wasn’t quiet in the pits- people were using saws to carve up metal, flames were welding parts together, drills were digging into machinery. All the high-pitched screeches coalesced into a singular plaintive wail. 

A tear fell off my chin and shattered on the ground. I tore off my work gloves and wiped my eyes, hoping nobody would see me. I wasn’t much of a crier. No reason to ruin that reputation now, when I had other things to focus on. The bot was ready for the fight, and that was what I had to focus on, not the hollow pit in my chest rapidly filling with anger and resentment and freaking exhaustion-

“Hey, what’s wrong?” 

My fingers parted across my visage. I hadn’t even realized my face was buried in my hands. I looked through the gaps to find Calloway there, standing across the narrow middle walkway that ran down the white room. He was standing there in jeans and a black hoodie drawn up over his head, but he pulled it back and shaked out his shaggy brown hair. His eyes always looked… Harsh, angry, aggressive. But not now, not at this moment. Now they looked… Softer. Concerned. And… Genuine, in their concern. I’d gotten pretty good at spotting the difference between genuine concern and artificial; having parents like mine forces you to learn as fast as possible. But right now, here, he… 

“I… Just a difficult phone call with my mom,” I said, pulling my hands away from my face entirely, directing my gaze at the floor. 

Calloway stepped forward and gave me a hug. I flinched- the guy really had no sense of personal space, but honestly… I needed it, then, so I hugged him back. “Thanks.”

“Of course.”

I mumbled, “I guess I just…”

“What?” Calloway asked.

“It’s nothing, it’s…”

“What?” Calloway said, pulling out of the hug and looking me directly in the face, furrowing his brow. 

“I’m… Just surprised that you care,” I said. 

He gulped and took a step backward, along with a slight bite to his lower lip that ended as soon as it began. “I, uh… Yeah, yeah that’s fair.”

“I didn’t mean-”

“No, you did,” he said, turning his head so he didn’t have to look me in the eyes anymore. “It’s fine. Really, it is. I just… I really must come off like I’m a lot, all the time, huh?”

“I… What do you want me to say here, dude?” I said, taking a step towards him. 

He took another step back. “Just the truth. Just… How you really feel.”

I drew in another deep breath. “Yes. You… You do.”

He gulped again. “That… That explains a buncha stuff. I kinda figured people knew I… But I guess they wouldn’t. Fair enough.”

“Look, Calloway-”

“Don’t worry about it,” he said with a playful wave of his hand, plastering a bogus smile onto his face. “Just means I sell the heel routine well. That’s not a bad thing. And this isn’t really about me- I was asking you what’s wrong. Um… Do you… Do you wanna talk about it?”

My phone alarm hollered inside my pants’ pocket. Ten minutes till the fight. They’d be starting the introductory monologues soon. “I dunno if I have time right now, but… I appreciate it. I really, sincerely do. Maybe… Maybe next time?”

“Next time I catch you crying, tough guy?” he said, the smile edging just a little closer to genuine. 

I forced out a little chuckle. “Yeah, I guess so. For now… Can I just get another hug?”

He nodded rapidly. “Of course.”

Then he went in for it and wrapped his arms around my back. And it felt… Good. Supportive. Strong, but not aggressive.

Maybe there was more to Keith Calloway than I thought.

***

NOW

I sprayed some breath spray into my mouth while I paced up and down the hallway of my apartment, my hands wringing together as I tried to keep my mind clear and focused. 

I liked Kate. That much was hard to deny. She was bright and funny and passionate, just radiated warmth and empathy, and I felt like I could let my guard down around her in a way I couldn’t around other people. Including Faith.

But I liked Faith. I had for a while now. She was chill and focused and creative, a freaking dancing ray of light that always brightened up my day, who I desperately wanted to protect and take care of. 

And they were both incredibly pretty. 

Dammit. Dammit dammit dammit what is wrong with me? Just like my jackass of a father, can’t keep it in my pants, can’t be happy with what I have, like a real man is supposed to. 

But that didn’t matter. I was going on a date with Katie tonight. I was moving on from Faith, because that was the right thing to do, because she didn’t like me back, because she didn’t swing that way and just wasn’t physically attracted to me. And Kate… She made it really easy to want to move on, and she seemed to really want to be with me, for some unfathomable reason. Holding her in my arms made me feel like the strongest person in the world; the way she’d just slid up to me and put herself there like it was the most natural fit possible… It felt really good. I felt really good around her. 

My phone buzzed, and I saw from the caller ID that it was my mom. 

My finger loomed over the ‘accept call’ button for a solid minute before the phone simply stopped ringing altogether. Then it immediately started ringing again, because my mom was physically incapable of taking no for an answer. 

A spark of anger caught in my chest, burning my insides and sending proverbial smoke out of my ears. Goddammit, I was twenty-three years old, financially self-sufficient, and living in my own place. She did NOT get to keep pulling this crap. She hadn’t reached out to me in months and now, when I had something legitimately important to do, she decided it was the perfect time to interrupt. Couldn’t even be bothered to text first, asking if now was a good time. 

I thought about a year ago, and the mess I’d become when my mom called before that match, and Kate, back before I’d known she was Kate, before she’d known she was Kate, before she and I could even call ourselves friends, let alone whatever we were now, had held me and comforted me. Didn’t have to be asked, just offered and did her best to make good on that offer. That was when it had started to dawn on me that underneath it all, she really was a kind person with a big heart. 

It was also when it really started to dawn on me that my mom was an absolute bitch. Maybe she wasn’t as unbearable as my dad, but it would be a truly Herculean feat to be anywhere near as unpleasant as that selfish asshole. 

I hit ‘ignore.’ 

I breathed out, slowly and carefully, leaning against the wall. I was emphatically not going to cry right now, because I didn’t want Kate to feel like she had to take care of me tonight. I wanted to take care of her, to show her that yes, she really was the cute, sweet, wonderful girl she was trying to be. 

The tumblers of our lock shifted as the front door opened. Faith stepped through, a sad smile on her face. “Heyo,” she said. “Your hot date is downstairs waiting for you. Show her a good time tonight, yeah?”

“Of course,” I nodded, double checking my pockets to make sure I had my phone and wallet. Good to go. “You gonna be okay by yourself tonight?”

She gave an errant wave of her hand and said, “Yeah, I’ll be fine. I can get caught up on my soaps.”

“You watch soap operas?” I said, raising an eyebrow.

“Yeah, old ones from the 1960s, mostly,” she said. “They’re really funny when you’re stoned.”

“Fair enough,” I said. I gave her a quick hug, which she happily accepted. “Don’t wait up for me!”

“Will do!” she said as I made my way out the door. 

I headed down the stairs and out front, where Kate’s pickup truck sat in the thin driveway that led into the parking garage below my building. I did a double-take when I saw her, leaning against the front of her truck. She wore a red dress that covered her chest wholesale, but beneath, what looked like boobs protruded from the dress in question. Falsies, presumably- Faith must have loaned her old ones out. Still, it couldn’t be denied that they looked real good on Kate, bringing the whole look together. Her dress had a slit going up the side, showing off her long, smooth legs well up her thick thighs. Bright red lipstick was painted across her mouth, and my whole body was screaming at me to cup her face in my hands and shove my tongue down her throat. So, of course, in my infinite intelligence and articulation, all I managed to choke out was, “Whoa.”

She smiled the kind of smile you want to protect with every fiber of your being. “Like what you see?” Her voice was high and breathy, each syllable enunciated slowly and carefully. She’d only been out for a few days and she’d already come so far. It was astonishing. It was… She was… 

“Absolutely beautiful,” I said, unable to blink. 

Her jaw dropped, and she stared at me.

Then a car pulled up behind her and honked at us- I recognized one of my neighbors behind the wheel, an older, heavyset woman named Nina. 

“C’mon, let’s get going,” Kate said. She gestured me into the truck and then we pulled out of the driveway. “So, where are we going?” she asked. 

“Uh, Indian place on Lincoln Boulevard. It’s over by my old college,” I said, trying not to stare at her too much and venture into the dubious territory of ‘creepy weirdo.’

“Sounds good, I love Indian food,” she smiled again. 

Kiss her, you idiot, my brain hollered. Wait, no, she’s driving. Bad idea. But kiss her before the end of the night! “How’d the appointment go?”

“Fantastic! I’ll be able to start hormones hopefully by the end of the week!”

“That’s fantastic!” I said. “How’d the other one go?”

She spat out a petulant sigh. “Less good. My sponsor is…”

“Is?”

“Let’s be charitable and go with ‘pragmatic,’” she said, her voice dropping low. She grunted with frustration and her eyes peeled wide as she heard her own words. 

“Hey, it’s okay,” I said, trying my best to sound reassuring. “I don’t mind if you use your… Other voice.” I managed to stop myself from saying ‘boy voice’ or ‘normal voice.’ Thank God.

“Thank you,” she said softly. “It’s… It’s not that I don’t want you to hear it, it’s that I don’t like hearing it.”

“That’s fair,” I said. 

“But yeah, if I want to keep Gaines as my sponsor, I may or may not have to lean into this whole trans thing as part of my ‘brand.’ Ugh, I hate that word. Gag me.”

“Is that a request?” I smirked. 

She blushed redder than the Red Comet. “What if it is?”

“Then I’d be happy to accommodate.” What the hell, when did I get this bold?! It must have been my dick talking for me. Made sense- I’d spent… Several years not listening to it. How long had it been since I’d last had sex, anyway? Two years? Three? 

Getting ahead of yourself, Underhill. “Do you think you’re gonna stick with Gaines?” I asked. 

“Don’t see what choice I have,” she replied as she turned onto Lincoln and started driving west. “I don’t exactly have the capital to self-fund. How do you and Faith raise money, anyway?”

“Uh, a couple ways. Grant from our old college, a loan from Faith’s parents, and the money she and I raise doing temporary engineering jobs during the off-season. Usually like…, four, five months full time work with one of the aerospace companies in the city, then we spend the rest of the year working on the fun stuff.”

“I should probably look into something like that,” Kate said. “I don’t dislike working for my parents, but I’m never gonna make the kind of money I need to keep going in the ‘bot battle circuit working twenty hours a week at an indie retail outlet.”

“I have some contacts at a few places that I can send your way,” I offered. “Might be able to help you get a foot in the door, do some interviews.”

“That… Would be amazing,” she beamed. “You’d really do that for me?”

“‘Course I would,” I said. I want you to keep smiling that smile. “I just… Want you to be happy.”

“Thanks,” she said. “For… Everything.”

“No problem, Katie,” I said. 

She giggled. God, her laugh was adorable. So, I said that out loud. 

“What are you talking about?” she asked.

“You have a cute laugh,” I said simply.

“It’s not cute… I’m not…”

“If you’re about to say you’re not cute, just know that there’s nothing cuter than a cute girl insisting she’s not cute.”

“... Dammit. You’re right.���

 “Gotcha,” I said, snapping my fingers. 

We carried on like that until we got to the restaurant, where, to my astonishment, we were seated immediately. I ordered a lamb vindaloo with a side of garlic naan, and she ordered butter chicken with onion naan. We split an order of vegetable samosas as well, and we were seated by the window looking out into the street. A pair of candles sat between us on our glass table, casting a bit of glow in the darkened dining area. 

“So, you went to that school over there, then?” Kate asked. “LMU?”

“Yeah, all four years.”

“How’d you wind up there?” she asked. 

“Uh, well, I applied to UCLA and didn’t get in,” I said with a self-deprecating laugh. “Which is true of, uh, most of the school, actually.”

“They couldn’t get into UCLA?” Kate chuckled. 

“Or USC. Or Harvey Mudd. Or Cal Poly.”

“Ahhh, gotcha. You said you grew up around here, right?”

“For a given value,” I said. “I was raised in Riverside.”

“Inland Empire, I see,” she said. “That place as horrifying as David Lynch makes it look?”

I chuckled. “Only when it’s on fire.”

“So, like, all Summer?”

“Pfft, basically.” 

“It’s funny, you know, we grew up in the same neck of the woods but never met till we started doing what we do,” Kate said, resting her chin on her hands while her elbows were propped up on the table. “I know that Venice and Riverside aren’t actually that close together-”

“Especially with the traffic in this town making it a longer trek,” I said. 

“Still,” she said. “It’s cool, knowing that someone like you was relatively close this whole time.” 

Her eyes… 

“Zeke?” she asked. “You okay?”

“Hm? Yeah, why?”

“You went quiet and started staring at me,” she said, raising her head, putting her hands flat on the table, concern exuding from her frown. “Did I lay it on too thick?”

I shook my head. “Not at all.” I reached for her hand. “Honestly, I’m worried about doing the same, so why don’t we just be ourselves tonight, and see how that works for us?”

“I’d like that,” she smiled again. That smile… 

The server, a middle-aged Indian man with pot-belly and an impressive beard, brought our samosas and a few different sauces over and set them between us. And with him came, very unexpectedly, some familiar faces. 

“Zeke?” Olivia asked. She was flanked by her new teammates, Tom, a medium-height black man in his late twenties with a shaved head and massive hands, and Winston, a white boy with a wild mane of brown hair who looked like he was still in college. And standing next to them were Team Forest Fire and Team Sparky-Sparky-Boom. Forest Fire was three guys all in their thirties, each of them shredded and rocking full beards. Their captain, Lance Masterson, was a behemoth of a white man with a shaved head and some burn marks on his arms and neck; his teammates were Jake George, a tall black man with long dreads and nose ring, and Evan Hernandez, a shorter Mexican-American man built like a powerlifter. Team Spark-Sparky-Boom, meanwhile, was two people, a husband and wife team called David and Eileen Portman. David was comfortably in his early forties, hair more salt than pepper, clean shaven and thin as a rail; Eileen looked like she was in her late thirties, and was shorter and thicker, with long brown hair beginning to spark with silver. 

A low-pitched groan escaped my throat, and I was surprised at how loud it was, only to look over and see that Kate was making roughly the same mouth-noise. 

“H-h-hey,” I eventually choked out. “How y’all doing?”

“Not bad,” Masterson said. 

“Not bad at all!” Hernandez said, snapping his fingers and pointing at Kate.

She blushed, then looked down at her food. 

“So, this must be Kate,” Olivia said. 

“Um, how do you know about-”

“Faith told me.”

“Faith told you what?” I said, my eyes narrow. 

“Oh, just that you’d finally found a girl for you… Wait a sec. Wait wait wait a second. Calloway? Is that you under all that makeup?”

My eyes bulged with panic, and I saw Kate’s lips trembling and her hands wringing together. Oh, this was bad- she wasn’t ready to come out to everyone at work yet, she’d said as much to me in the car ride. She’d been planning to come out in two weeks when she had her next fight, with the same kind of surprise announcement that Faith had been afforded. 

And now… Now she was having to come out to her work rivals by accident. For the third time in two weeks.

Goddammit.

“Yeah,” she said, her voice dropping low. Then, in her higher, breathier voice, she said, “Yes. It’s me. My preferred name is Kate, pronouns are she/her.”

Olivia’s eyebrows shot up. 

“Oh, so you’re a trans too?” Mrs. Portman said. 

I died inside a little bit. 

“I, uh, yeah. I’m a trans woman,” Kate said.

“Wow, two of you in the tournament this year, huh? What are the odds?” Mrs. Portman said. “And this isn’t a publicity stunt?”  

“Dear, hush, that’s rude,” Mr. Portman said, playfully swatting his wife on the arm, blissfully unaware of the psychic damage he and his wife had just inflicted on Kate. 

“No,” Kate said, eyes dropping low, fingers drumming nervously on the table. Oooohhhh dear. “I’m just… I’m a woman.”

“Hey, listen, it’s nice to see you all, but Kate and I were just trying to have a nice, quiet dinner,” I said. “Alone. As in just the two of us-”

“That’s fine, broseph,” Masterson said, “We can all take that big table outside, leave you two to your date.”

“I’d appreciate that a lot,” I nodded, putting a metric ton of emphasis behind each syllable. 

“As would I,” Kate said. Practically squeaked. Must… Protect… At all costs. 

“No problem, brosephine,” Masterson said. “You look great, bee-tea-dubs.”

They all cleared out and headed for the massive rectangular longtable outside… Except Olivia, who remained standing exactly where she was in front of us with her brow creased and her hands on her hips and her jaw slack. 

“Uh, Olivia, you coming with?” Tom asked while standing in the doorway, with an ‘aw shit here we go again’ expression on his face.

“Yeah, I’ll be right there,” Olivia said. 

Tom sighed and let the door close as he stepped outside. You tried, Tom. You tried. 

“Can, uh, I help you with something?” I said, trying not to get too distressed by Kate’s thousand-yard stare. Given that she’d only a few days prior called out and challenged Olivia in front of a screaming crowd while on camera and then immediately proceeded to have a massive panic attack… I didn’t like what this was almost certainly doing to her brain. 

“I just… When Faith said you’d found someone, this wasn’t what I expected,” Olivia said. “Does she… She knows who Kate really is, right?”

“Yeah, she does,” I said, creasing my own brow, “Why do you ask?”

“I just… I really just… Calloway? Seriously?! Calloway?!” Olivia said. “Of all freaking people, you choose Calloway over Faith?!”

“I’m sitting right here, you know,” Kate said. 

“R-right. Sorry, I… You look nice,” Olivia said. 

“Thanks,” Kate said. “Just, uh, quick question: why do you care?”

“Because I care about Faith,” Olivia said. 

“Right, sure you do,” Kate said. “You care so much about the girl you brutally dumped in the most vulnerable moment of her life. Right. Definitely. Absolutely.”

“Also, why would Faith care?” I said, attempting to navigate the conversation away from Kate’s (admittedly accurate) criticism of Olivia. “She and Kate have patched things up- they’re friends now.”

“Really?” Olivia said. 

“Yes, really,” Kate said. “She and I hung out literally all day today. She helped me pick out this dress, helped me with my voice. She and I are fine. And she’s fine with this.”

“Oh, honey,” Olivia said. “You don’t… Really believe that. Do you?”

Kate blinked, and her eyes went low again. 

“What does that mean?” I asked. 

“It means-”

“Don’t,” Kate said, slamming her hand against the table. 

Olivia took a step back. “Right. Sorry. It’s… Look, Zeke, I know you and I were never super close, but I gotta ask- is Faith really completely on board with all this?”

“Yes! Why wouldn’t she be?” Did someone slip me a crazy-pill? What the hell was going on?!

“I just… Can’t believe you would choose Ke… Kate over Faith,” Olivia said. 

“It’s not a choice,” I said, grabbing Kate’s hand and squeezing it tightly, a fire lighting inside my head. “I like Kate. She’s a beautiful woman, inside and out.”

“Phrasing,” Kate said in a thirsty whisper, eyebrows raised. 

“Babe, not now,” I said. 

“Babe?” she said with a bright smile.

“Babe? Wow,” Olivia said. “This is… A lot to accept, tbh.”

“And why, exactly, do you get a say?” I said. 

“I-”

“That was a rhetorical question,” I said. “You don’t. At all.”

“Okay, okay, I’ll back off,” Olivia said, holding up her hands, palms flat. “I just… Can’t help but think you’re making a mistake. You and Faith would be cute together, that’s all I’m saying.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I growled. 

“You would be,” Kate whispered. 

“What?” I said. Seriously, WHAT?!

“Backing away now,” Olivia said. “I’m sorry for saying anything- you’re right, it’s really none of my business. But, uh, Calloway? I still remember what you said last Friday. I’ll see you in the battle box.”

And with that, she walked away. My head spun with confusion and anger at the implications of what she said, the insinuations, the freaking hubris. And on top of it all, Kate looked ready to cry again. 

Our waiter finally came over with our food on a tray and set it down, but looked at us with a worried expression. “Would you two like this to go, by any chance?”

“Yes, please,” Kate and I said simultaneously. 

We waited till the food was put in takeaway boxes, and we made a hasty departure. I was pretty sure I heard Mrs. Portman shouting something at us as we walked out the front door, but I wasn’t sure what. “Where should we take all this?” Kate asked. 

“I have one idea, if you’re up for it,” I said, with a grin I hoped would be the first step to salvaging this evening. 

We headed for Dockweiler Beach, only a few miles from the restaurant, basically deserted in the waning hours of the evening before it was closed to the public. Waves lapped against the sand in a steady, drawling rhythm, and the rich, relaxing scent of seawater filled the air. We sat on a blanket Kate kept in her truck, eating our food while watching the tide crashing into the shore and the setting sun casting an orange-gold glow over everything. Kate had tied her hair back while we ate, but loose strands kept blowing about from the seabreeze and colliding with her face.

I reached over and brushed a strand back, and she smiled at me. “Thank you.”

“Of course. I’m, uh, sorry about what happened.”

“Don’t be, it isn’t your fault,” she said. “Honestly, you handled it really well. Way better than I would have in your position.”

“And what position is that?”

“The guy’s. You’re… You’re a really good guy, Zeke Underhill,” she said, wiping her mouth with a napkin. 

I laughed in spite of myself. “That’s nice of you to say. I… I’m not really used to hearing it,” I admitted, slumping my shoulders. 

“I find that hard to believe. You’re such a gentleman.”

“I… The thing is,” I started. Oh boy, I was about to admit this to her. This was big. I rarely talked about this. Not even with Faith. “... My parents… Are not the types to give out praise often, and a lot of it had to do with them thinking I wasn’t living up to their expectations of what a man was supposed to be. My Mom… Well, she’s English, she’s got all these old-fashioned, old-world ideas about men and women. She sent me to my room when I cried at a movie once when I was seven. My dad wasn’t much better- kind of a rough and tumble man’s man type. When I didn’t make my high school’s basketball team in ninth grade, he reamed me out for half an hour straight. Never mind the fact that I was short and fat back then. Which they both reminded me of constantly.”

“Jesus Christ, I’m so sorry,” Kate said, putting down her food and placing her hand on my shoulder. I gave it a squeeze. She continued, “My parents have always been so chill and supportive. I can’t even imagine what it’s like to… To grow up with that instead of what I had.”

“Thanks,” I said. “Honestly, I’m mostly over it at this point. I moved out for college when I was eighteen and never looked back. The only thing that really still gets to me is how hypocritical they were about everything. My dad… He’s a total pig, cheats on my mom constantly, and Mom just drinks to forget it every time the proof is thrown in her face. They’re both so full of shit, but I still… I still have this fear sometimes, that they’re right, that I’m not good enough, that there’s something I’m doing wrong, that…”

“That?”

“... That I’ll be a cheater like my dad, constantly balancing multiple girls, stringing along someone I’m supposed to be committed to. I think… I think that’s what bugged me about what Olivia was insinuating, like I was somehow being disloyal to Faith. Which is ridiculous, because… I… And she doesn’t even… And I’m not-”

“Not what?” Kate said, wrapping her arms around me. 

“I’m not with her. I probably won’t ever be with her,” I said.

“... You really like her, don’t you?”

“... I’m not sure you want me to answer that question, Katie.”

“You already have,” she said. “It’s kinda obvious.”

“I… I’m sorry, I shouldn’t-”

“Hey, it’s okay,” Kate said, nuzzling my shoulder. “You’re allowed to like more than one person at the same time. And you’ve liked her for a while, I’m not surprised I’m…”

“You’re what?”

“... Second prize.”

 “You’re not,” I said, turning around and putting my hands on her cheeks. “Listen to me, Kate Calloway. I recognize we’ve only just started really getting to know each other, but in that time, you’ve shown yourself to be… Amazing. Caring. Funny and thoughtful. Beautiful. I… I don’t know if I deserve you, but I’d like… To keep seeing you like this. To get to know you better, and to hold your hand while you go on this journey.”

Tears streamed out her eyes, and she bit her lower lip before saying, “Would you… Would you still say that if Faith liked you back?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” I scoffed. “Faith is gay.”

“...”

I blinked. “Faith is gay, right?”

“I…,” Kate stammered, pulling out of my hands. “I’ve said too much.”

I blinked one long, sustained blink as the gears turned in my head. Faith… Wasn’t gay? And she… It… This made it seem like… 

Like she… 

No. 

Just, just… No.

There was a beautiful girl who I liked in front of me, and I wasn’t gonna let her slip away. “You’re fine. And even if she did, it wouldn’t matter.”

“You… You really mean that?”

“She’s not here with me right now, on this beach, sharing this meal, this evening,” I said. “Life moves forward, not back. If Faith really liked me, she should have said something. You, though, you said something. You made the first move, and… God, I’ve had to do that myself so many times, only for it to fall apart. Do you have any idea how good it makes me feel, that you like me enough to be the one to push things forward? How special that makes me feel? Because it’s amazing… You make me feel… Amazing, Kate.”

She looked at me with those big blue eyes, shining in the multicolored light of dusk as the sun set over the horizon, her red lips spread wide, hope and astonishment and joy radiating out of every inch of her. She gulped, and then she grabbed my lapel and said, “I’m gonna push things forward again now. Is that okay?” 

I didn’t answer. I just went for it, pressing her lips against mine, melting into her as we made out on the beach while the sun finished setting. My heart was alight with ecstasy, my lust burning at maximum temperature. I didn’t know for sure if I liked her more than I liked Faith. I just knew that in that moment, there was nobody I’d rather be with, nobody I’d rather be kissing, nobody I’d rather be getting to know.

For just one moment, everything was crystal clear. 

“You really had to ask?” I said as I pressed my forehead against hers, reveling in her aftertaste.

She smiled. Oh, Lord, that smile. “I just had to make sure.”

We carried on like that for a while longer, her hands touching mine, my lips touching hers, our bodies interlocking.

[lostinthe--stars]

Please, ranty essay on Elsa

Ooh, you bet!

There’s going to be absolutely no rhyme or reason to how this gets laid out, but I will number my reasons for some semblance of readability. It has also been a little bit since I actually watched frozen, so I probably don’t remember all the details of my arguments

1. At the end of Frozen 2, she completely fucks off to the forest - WHICH SHE DIDNT EVEN SAVE. ANNA DID. Then, she leaves Anna to be Queen, which, knowing Anna’s character, she would ABSOLUTELY NOT WANT. And she doesn’t even bother turning up to the coronation??????? Excuse me?? Miss?? You’re dumping all your responsibilities onto your sister and you won’t even bother showing up to her coronation. Ok sure.

2. Elaborating on the didn’t save the forest herself stuff. Anna did ALL the work to save the forest. And Elsa went off and died. Whoops? But then Elsa still gets all the glory, cause yippee, she saved Arendelle, even though Anna saved the forest (of which Elsa is one of the spirits, and then Elsa gets to enjoy all the benefits of the forest? Huh?????) Anna did all that while having to grieve Olaf and her sister. She managed to figure that shit out and get it done. Elsa sure as fuck didn’t, she went off to find her parents, and then died. She gets a cool water horse out of it. She gets to be a spirit of a first she didn’t even save. And Anna, as usual, gets nothing.

3. This is slightly more Anna specific, and it’s to do with her abandonment issues which Elsa time and again worsens. Anna is TRAUMATISED. Very clearly, traumatised. She is TERRIFIED of being abandoned and losing people. So what does Elsa, in all her wisdom, do to Anna in Frozen 2? Abandons her. And then dies (and only Elsa gets closure on her parents, like fuck Anna I guess). Elsa actively re-traumatised Anna, KNOWING Anna has some serious issues being abandoned. And then to bring up Anna’s coronation again, which Elsa doesn’t turn up for.

4. This is sort of tying in 1 and 3, and for this point I DO give her a little more slack since she’s also traumatised, but it’s running off and dumping all her responsibilities on Anna in the first movie. Again, I give her a slack on this one, since it’s intentional and she’s dealing with issues of her own. But once again, it’s that abandonment. Anna has just gotten her sister back, after years of desperately wanting to spend time with her. Of COURSE Anna would want to spend time with Elsa and be confused and have questions. Again, I understand what her parents drilled into her and all that. But, Elsa once again just…dips. Runs off into the mountain to have an (unearned) empowering song, while Anna is left to clean up her mess. While the ‘mess’ was unintentional, she was still actively running from her responsibilities as queen and dumping them on Anna. Which she goes on to do again in 2, but I digress.

5. Elsa. Just Elsa. She just pisses me off. For the above reasons, but also because I think she’s a terrible person, just in general? A lot of her attitude pisses me the fuck off. She always comes off as quite high and mighty, completely unearned. I feel this mostly in Frozen 2. She is incredibly selfish, but it is absolutely never addressed, and is instead repeatedly rewarded, while Anna is left with nothing, despite how hard she tries.

6. This one isn’t specifically against Elsa entirely, but it makes my heart hurt for Anna so I’m including it. I am devastated for Anna that she never got a proper relationship with her parents. She was completely isolated, never let outside, no sister, no parents, no one. Even before what happens as children, with what little we see of the parents and them as kids, it is incredibly clear to me that already, so much more focus is being put on Elsa. Like in the second movie, Elsa gets to enjoy the entire song from her mother, while Anna is intentionally put to sleep. Anna wanted to listen to the song too! You very easily could have put her to sleep AFTER the song was over. But no. And then again, the only one to get any kind of closure for the parents is Elsa. She gets to ‘interact’ with her mother again. Anna gets to grieve Olaf and Elsa. Anna repeatedly gets nothing. Poor Anna.

I’m sure there’s more, but it’s 1am and I haven’t watched the movies in years. But it’s something that has always stuck with me. I relate super hard to Anna and the way she gets treated. While I am the oldest, growing up was very similar to how Anna grew up. So I think it’s why it strikes such a cord with me.

In short, I think Elsa is a terrible person and I can’t stand her. She repeatedly shows that she is selfish. Etc etc.

Feel free to disagree with me and voice your own opinions! I’d love to discuss things further with anyone interested.

Thanks for letting me go on about all this!

[rustyvanburace]

you know I gotta suggest Navarre for the character ask! and asahi if you’re feeling up to it :^D

Thank you so much!

favorite thing about them: I love how much PIZZAZ he adds to the early game! How can I not like a character with such a flamboyant, demanding personality whose very presence is enough to make everyone react with shock, contempt, laughter, and awe? Navarre is an ass, but a necessary ass to carry the early narrative and add so much excitement to it. I cannot help but giggle to myself everytime he appears. AND THEN, all that character growth in IVA towards becoming a better, more self-aware ghostie. Ohhh I love he so muuuch~

least favorite thing about them: Definitely the unnecessary perversion in IVA. Enough said.

favorite line: The "dawdling Casualries" line will always hold a special place in my heart, but I am also really fond of the stuff he says when you speak with him during the training drills in one of the rest spots,

"O-Oh, it's you… I thought you to be a demon. Don't start me so… I've never carried a blade any heavier than a knife before. If Mother were to see me dashing about with such a weapon in hand, I think that she would faint…"

And

"I landed a critical blow when I accidentally tripped… The next quest was much simpler, since as you might expect, money is no object to me. 'Twas actually easier than the first. But the final challenge all depends on one's strength, and that's a field I'm particularly lacking in… S-Someone else may have first place, I care not whom. Merely let this debacle of a training exercise be done with!"

brOTP: Nanashi and Navarre are best BROS!

Bad edit aside, can't forget the actual bros, Navarre and Gaston lmao. I really enjoyed their sibling relationship and it opened up so much insight into their familial life and personal struggles. I'm so so happy they got to rekindle at the enddd, it was so sweet

OTP: Everyone knows that I am the sole resident of the Issachar x Navarre Crack Ship Kingdom!! Idgaf that they've never canonically met nor even know of each other's existence, the POTENTIAL between them is enough to keep me content and well fed! We support random rarepairs in this house!

I also really like Flynn x Navarre too and they're my second fave Navarre ship, for much the same reasons!

nOTP: Needless to say, my NOtps would be pairing Navarre with his brother or any of the IVA kids. Eeeugh. Enough said.

random headcanon: It's something I've been wanting to analyze in more depth, and IDK how much of this is actually canon or headcanon considering, but I very much fancy the idea of Navarre always having close connections with the Samurai seniors and keeping close tabs on the Rite and new inductions. He's very astute with the going-ons in Samurai business and likely has been anxiously watching them for quite some time.

unpopular opinion: I understand that Navarre is a very unlikeable character, and he's supposed to be! But it honestly does get really bothersome seeing how much dismissal, if not outright hate, he gets in the fandom. Navarre IS an important character within the early game! It is his very antics that adds the necessary tension and tone needed to carry the early narrative and worldbuilding. It does admittedly make it hard for me to approach other SMTIV fans because I like this bean so much.

But that is okay. I am perfectly content with those who seek out, stick by, and enjoy my bean musings. :)

song i associate with them: Tbh I'm pretty bad at that sort of question, lol. I don't really have one for him right now, so pass? (Open to suggestions though! I want more tunes to listen to.)

favorite picture of them: SO MANY panels of him from the Prayers manga FOR REAL. He's SO expressive in that and has TONS of good moments!! But I am especially fond of the mini bonus chapter that features Navarre~

Masataka Miura can agree: Navarre can have a little moment in the spotlight as a treat~

Thank you again so much for the ask! I think I've written quite at length here, lmao. I'm a bit tired now and I don't think I can fit Asahi here, but I could post hers later on!

[kaizsche]

day 28: royalty (preview)

note: just a lil sneak peek of what i'm working behind the scenes cos i'm afraid im gonna be a behind posting for AUgust cos 'm still sick. (i feel like my head's going to burst into tiny little pieces inside my skull as im typing this) had mighty fun editing this too!!!!!!!!!

nothing's set in stone though, so this bit i'm posting might be erased or reworked. dunno yet. gonna think about it when i feel like nobody's drilling a hole in my brain

special thanks to @qvnthesia and @katherineholmes for listening to me rant abt this in discord + @stellaris-archivum for helping me make up random stuff for the headlines

PREVIEW:

“Marriage, you say?”

When Elena was summoned to her mother’s office, she was expecting a mighty earful of her past acquaintances, though Finn had taken to calling them exploits her adviser was sworn to secrecy, but her buddies? Not so much. So far, they have demanded charges accompanied by several videos and images as proof of her indiscretions. Mother had long since equipped herself to the task of straightening her by setting up multiple arrangements across the country just to find the perfect spouse, or in the unbendable rule of patriarchy, a man—because god forbid a princess can’t marry another princess—to get her back on track with her duties.

“Yes.” Then why is she so pissed this time?

Finn shakes his head from behind the Queen. Ah, right. She shouldn’t be making mistakes right now. It hasn’t been long since the Lexi incident. 

“Don’t worry, Queen Mother. I’ll go—”

“No you will not!” The force of her yell could have metaphorically blown her away. “This is a joke! You, the future Queen of the Nation marrying a commoner?!”

Once again, Finn shakes his head from behind her mother.

Don’t anger her. 

Riiiiiiight.

[super-cosmic-library]

Part 4

part 3, part 2, part 1, ao3

“His dad literally tried to shove me into a locker, Chris,” Eddie whined as he washed the rest of the homemade avocado facemask off his face. “He was such a cliché bully, it was boring. And Steve looks almost exactly like him, but somehow I’m turned on by him? Am I actually insane?”

Chrissy rolled her eyes. Eddie had been going on about Steve nonstop since they dropped him off. At first, it was cute to see her best friend all flustered by his crush, but after a nearly thirty-minute monologue about the guy’s ass while the two did their end-of-week skincare routines, she was ready to change the subject.

“You need a drink?” Chrissy hollered from the kitchen, taking a can of La Croix from the fridge for herself. It filled her with warmth every time she saw them in there. She knew Eddie kept those drinks in there just for her. Neither of the men who lived there drank the stuff.

“Yes, please. God, I’m famished.”

She grabbed an already open bag of blood and shut the door behind her.

She’d known her best friend was a vampire for a long time. She had kind of figured it out when they started hanging out her junior year and she’d realized he had been a senior since she began high school. She didn’t know what the teachers thought, but she’d reasoned that there was no way someone could go through senior year that many times and not just drop out altogether. There had to be a bigger reason.

She took Eddie’s favorite mug—a plain white one with the words “World’s Foxiest Grandma” written in black and a picture of Garfield in a curly grey wig, a green knit shaw, and pink readers on it—off the rack on the wall and poured it half full with blood. He never needed much more for a feeding.

She placed what little remained in the bag back in the fridge, then passed the mug over to Eddie as he entered the kitchen, fresh-faced and mischievous. Although, he almost always had a mischievous glint in his eye. It was a practically permanent fixture.

She cracked open her sparkling water as he took a long sip from his mug.

“Remind me to never skip feeding ever again,” he said, licking blood from his upper lip.

She shook her head, unimpressed that a man his age struggled with taking basic care of himself. “How you’ve been able to keep yourself alive for so long is beyond me.”

“Wayne.”

“You’re a grown-ass man, and you let your brother take care of you?” Chrissy didn’t get to swear at home or anywhere else her mom might hear of it, so she reveled in doing so in the privacy of the trailer.

“What can I say? My brother is my keeper, or whatever the fuck they teach in Sunday school.”

“The fact that you know that much is impressive,” she said, vaguely remembering something like that from her own years of Sunday morning bible classes.

“Excuse you, I read my Bible every day and go to church on Sundays.”

“I find that hard to believe. You’d burst into flames if you set foot in a church, and that’s not even because of the whole vampire thing. That’s just a you thing.”

Eddie grinned wickedly. “You flatter me.”

She gave his shoulder a good shove, and he cackled in response.

Eddie threw a bag of popcorn in the microwave and started rifling through the cabinets for any other junk foods that tickled his fancy. The first time they had a “girl’s night,” Chrissy had been amazed by the abundance of junk food the Munsons had. She knew people bought things like snack cakes and potato chips, otherwise, why would stores stock them? However, because her pantry had always been filled with dried fruits, rice cakes, and almonds for snacks, she thought that was how it was for everyone. This thought had only been reinforced by her friends on the squad having very similar pantries, at least from what she saw when she went to sleepovers and study sessions at their houses.

Her mother had spent years drilling into her head how bad junk food was for her health. Growing up, the only times she ever got to have dessert were when she went to her grandma’s house. Even then, it was only one oatmeal raisin cookie after dinner. She was never allowed to eat cake at her classmates’ birthday parties. She didn’t even get to eat ice cream–only frozen yogurt with fresh fruit toppings. And afterward, her mom would force her to go on runs with her to burn off the calories.

So when Eddie first started offering her snacks when she came over, she was hesitant, to say the least. Of course, she was worried about what would happen to her figure if she ate even a single Oreo. How could she not be, after being drilled on the dangers of processed foods? But more than that, she was scared of how her mother might react if she found out Chrissy had eaten something that contained trans fats. And she would know it, right? Her mom would be able to smell the high fructose corn syrup on her breath, right?

Chrissy about damn near had a panic attack the first time she accepted an Oatmeal Cream Pie from Eddie. It was made with oatmeal. It had it in the name! It should have been healthy, right? But her body had betrayed her after she finished half of it. It wasn’t used to eating something that had more than three ingredients listed on the package. So as her stomach cramped, all she could think about was how disappointed her mother would be.

Chrissy had contemplated going to the bathroom to force herself to throw up. She knew bulimia was dangerous, so she only did it on occasion and only when she had access to a toothbrush. However, she could make an exception. Especially, she felt as bad as she had.

She hadn’t realized she was crying until Eddie asked her what was wrong.

There was something about him that made her feel safe. Like she could be herself around him and talk without a filter, and he wouldn’t judge her or talk behind her back about it. It was something she noticed during their first interaction and the feeling only grew stronger the more they became friends.

That night, she’d broken down and confessed her tumultuous relationship with food–something she had never done aloud. Eddie had sat there silently and listened as she poured out her heart. All of the not gettings and the not wantings and all of the instant regrettings. It left her feeling exposed and scared, though not because of what his reaction to all of it might be but because of what these issues she struggled with might mean about her.

When she had finished, he’d tried his best to comfort her. He had tried to talk things out with her. It helped a little, but the problem was rooted so deep, it had taken months of patient encouragement and talking with Wayne about what an actual healthy diet could look like (and not the crap the women in her mom’s Facebook groups shared) to get to where she was now.

She knew she wasn’t “fixed.” She knew she would always struggle with food to some extent. But now she could eat a slice of veggie pizza for dinner and have Eddie-approved snacks and not have a meltdown afterward. After years of drowning in her mother’s trendy diets and daily exercise regimens, she finally felt like she could breathe.

Chrissy grabbed a bag of M&Ms and poured some into the metal popcorn bowl. If she left Eddie to do it, he would forget to put them in until after the popcorn, which meant they would lose precious time warming up under the heat of the popped kernels. And Chrissy liked them warm.

She padded over to the living room in her fuzzy penguin socks to connect her laptop to the Munsons’ shitty little TV and pull up YouTube.

“No, not this movie again,” Eddie groaned as the intro music to But I’m a Cheerleader filled the room.

“It’s a classic!” She gasped. “Do you hate classics?”

Eddie plopped down on the couch behind her, popcorn bowl resting in his lap. “Only when we’ve already watched them a million times.”

“It has not been a million times.” Chrissy sunk into the couch next to him.

The couch, like many other things in the Munson trailer, was much older than her. She would argue that those things were also much more well-loved than her, but that would start an unwinnable argument between the two of them.

It was one of those couches where the springs were kind of busted and the cushions could no longer keep their shape, so you felt like you were going to be swallowed up whenever you sat down. Then, when two people tried to sit on it, they would always end up tumbling to the center of the couch, all pressed up against each other.

The first time Chrissy ever visited the trailer, she made the mistake of trying to sit next to Eddie on it. She still swore (jokingly) that she had almost been crushed to death by him because of it.

Chrissy loved Eddie’s home because it was nothing like hers. Eddie and Wayne didn’t decorate to impress company as her mother had. They decorated with things that made them happy, like Wayne's hat and mug collections that were displayed along the ceiling of the living room or the framed and completed jigsaw puzzle hanging above Wayne’s sitting chair. It gave the place more character than the abstract paintings her mom had found at Home Goods. Ones that looked like they belonged in a hotel room rather than the house of a suburban family.

The Munsons’ furniture was practical and useful. The tables weren’t replaced because they were mismatched. The lamps were repaired when they broke. Pieces were thrifted and not in the way Chrissy’s mom “thrifted” things–by strolling through different discount stores or scrolling through Wayfair and Etsy. No, these things were found at Goodwill and the Salvation Army. Chrissy should know. When their box TV finally gave out, it was Chrissy and Eddie who spent all day scouring the local thrift stores in search of a new one–picking up clothes and other tchotchkes that caught their eyes and they went along.

The entire trailer was always clean; however, it was also constantly cluttered. This was primarily due to Eddie’s inability to focus on a single task, often setting things down the forgetting they existed. This led to half-painted minis and bottles of paint left on the coffee table. Campaign notes, unfinished homework assignments, and paper scraps of scribbled song lyrics stacked on the kitchen table. A can of hairspray sat next to the toaster. And dozens upon hundreds of guitar picks in the carpet, next to the kitchen sink, in the cupboards, on the bathtub ledge, behind the dryer, wedged between the couch cushions, and so many other places Chrissy couldn’t possibly begin to fathom. The space felt lived in. Unlike her own home, where unless the place was shining, sparkling, and spotless, it was considered a pigsty.

So, yeah, Chrissy preferred spending her time at her best friend’s home much more than she did at her own home.

As the montage of the campers “learning” traditional gender roles played, Chrissy pulled out her box of nail supplies. “What color this week.”

He took a contemplative sip from his mug. “I’m feeling blue.”

“Really?” She asked, setting aside the black nail polish she had been taking out for him. He usually only ever had his nails painted black. On one occasion, he wanted them blood red, but he spent the following days complaining about how bright they were until he finally picked all of the paint off.

“Yeah. Kinda want to switch things up.”

“And this has nothing to do with the blue sweater Steve wore tonight?”

“I am offended that you would accuse me of such behavior.”

“So it has nothing to do with Steve?”

“Absolutely not.” He plucked a midnight blue bottle of nail polish out of her carrying case. The color was so dark, it was nearly black, but there was a slight shimmer to it that one could tell it wasn’t. Maybe she had been wrong, she conceded.

She picked out a lime green color for herself and handed it to Eddie. The two slid down to sit on the floor, so they could use the coffee table to use as a workspace. Chrissy laid her hands palms down on a paper towel. Eddie uncapped the bottle and began to carefully brush the cool paint on her nails.

When they started doing each other’s nails, Chrissy had been surprised at how well Eddie was able to paint hers. Back when they were dating, whenever she asked Jason to help her with her left hand, he always bemoaned doing something so “girly” (his words). Then, he would do such a shit job at actually painting them, that most of the time she would have to scrub it off with nail polish remover and attempt to do it herself to slightly better results. Despite his attitude, she could tell that Jason had actually tried his best to help her out–his face twisting, tongue sticking out of the corner of his mouth in concentration. It wasn’t some sort of attempt at weaponized incompetence, simply inexperience and shaky hands. Even though his complaining had made her feel small, she couldn’t fault him for not trying.

Eddie’s hands, by contrast, were meticulously still. She supposed it made sense due to all of the miniature Dungeons and Dragons figurines he enjoyed painting. He’d ensure the brush wasn’t overloaded with paint, then carefully apply each layer, swiping around her nail with his to collect any excess paint. Because he did this, her nails were always the ones to get painted first. That way, he wouldn’t get any brightly colored paint on his fresh dark nails.

“All joking aside, I’m glad that Steve was able to come tonight. He’s a fun guy. I like how he makes you light up.”

With his wild hair pulled up in a top bun, she was able to see his cheeks flush. “Shut up.”

“It’s true!” She laughed, careful not to jostle her hands. “I like seeing you happy.”

“Well, we should have him bring Buckley next time. How’s that sound, Chris?”

Chrissy turned tomato red. “I swear to god, Eddie.”

“What? What do you swear?” He challenged her.

“I’ll kill you.”

“Pfft,” he waved her off. “That’s an empty threat. You know I can’t die.”

“Then I’ll find a way to end you. Or maybe I’ll just lock you in a coffin and bury you alive. That way you’ll never get out.”

“Cold, Cunningham. Metal, but cold.”

“Thank you.” She grabbed a few pieces of popcorn with the hand Eddie hadn’t painted yet, and popped them in her mouth.

He watched her as she ate. He did that sometimes. It was a little strange, but she knew it came from a place of concern. He wanted to know that she was taking care of herself. Even though she sometimes wanted to shove his face away from her direction, she couldn’t fault him for worrying. She worried about him too.

She worried about what the people in their small-minded town would do if they found out what he was. She was well aware that people in her parents' circles believed with their whole hearts that things like demons and Halloween witches were real. She’d heard some of them rile themselves up by talking about burning witches alive like it was seventeenth-century Salem and not twenty-first-century Hawkins. She wasn’t sure what her parents thought of their friends' righteous rages, but the sheer fact of their keeping those friendships meant Chrissy had to sneak around if she wanted to be herself.

They didn’t know she was friends with Eddie Munson, let alone about their weekly girls’ nights. She let them think she was sleeping over at a teammate’s house. They didn’t know she was a lesbian, despite the rumors at school, or about the Tarot cards and crystals she kept under her bed. She knew that her parents loved her, even though they had a difficult time showing it. But she didn’t know if that love would change if they knew these things. She didn’t really want to know. She looked forward to the day she left for college and would be able to stop feeling like she was sneaking around all the time.

“Maybe we could invite Robin next time?” She said, timidly.

“Fuck yeah,” he pumped his fist in the air. “Mark my words, we are getting you a girlfriend.”

Chrissy giggled. She was really going to miss him when college started next fall.

Tag list:

@yourebuckingkiddingme @mickalaem @live-the-fangirl-life @mojowitchcraft @gregre369 @farfaras @loguine-linguine @spectrum-spectre @sidekick-hero @rozzieroos @steddieloverrr @hellion-child @ littlewildflowerkitten @ novacorpsrecruit @ rainbow-freckle @anaibis @ madigoround @ estrellami-1

[kushami-hime]

I posted 1,743 times in 2022

That's 226 more posts than 2021!

924 posts created (53%)

819 posts reblogged (47%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@onetrickponi

@thebigchoo

@goodlucksnez

@thescarlettletter

I tagged 1,039 of my posts in 2022

Only 40% of my posts had no tags

#kushami asks - 365 posts

#snzblr - 227 posts

#not snz - 213 posts

#snz kink - 207 posts

#snzfucker - 202 posts

#sneeze kink - 144 posts

#snz - 100 posts

#kushami wavs - 96 posts

#snz wav - 34 posts

#b/akugou - 30 posts

Longest Tag: 100 characters

#knowing that you all care so deeply for a stranger on the internet has restored my faith in humanity

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

CW: Sneezing, Stifles, Wet Sneezes, Half Stifles, BakuBrats stank attitude, embarrassment, 3 noseblows. 

One morning at the local hero agency, the newest generation fresh to the scene is called to a meeting by their serious colleague, Tenya Iida. Everyone is in attendance, including Ground Zero and Deku. But as they get settled in, a strong smell in the cramped room begins to set off Deku’s nose...this won’t end well. 

FIRST wav since...the dragon!baku one? That was done a hot minute ago I feel like but whatever lol. I cant find the proper anon question atm and to be honest I dont remember if its the same person but when you see this, I hope it’s alright! All I remember was that someone asked for D/eku dealing with someones strong perfume either in a mission/meeting/college lecture so I went with a meeting setting. I put my own little spin on it with music from the OST and using background sounds and stuff to give it more...immersion? idk lmao.

Anyway! It’s bedtime for me but horni hours for you guys. Enjoy! <3

102 notes - Posted April 6, 2022

#4

After waking up with a terrible fever, D/eku finds himself being taken care of by B/akugou, who’s usual rash behavior covers up his worrisome feelings over his lovers illness.

CW: Sneezing (dur) Baku being a tsundere mother hen, bratty sick Deku, Baku getting sneezed on (twice I think?), general caretaking, you know the drill. 

OK guys wtf HOW did this get so goddamn long!? This is my longest wav YET! And yet...I don’t think it lived up to the hype? Im just being hard on myself I guess, you all be the judge.

I really missed doing Deku and I got like, REALLY mess and REALLY stuffy during this wav and you can totally hear it nearer to the end/in the second half.

This was originally for THIS ask and Im sorry if it sucks (I know you said soft caretaker Baku but he’s pretty angry in the first half) but HEY its super long so there’s that? Lol. I also apologize for the quality, I had to knock it down during the export cause it was too big for Discord lol...

Anyway, um...enjoy I guess! It’s been a harsh week so Im gonna go eat something and watch anime I guess @-@ 

102 notes - Posted January 29, 2022

#3

CW: SLOW BURN, B/akugou being tied up/restrained, slight BDSM vibes, feather use, a LOT of sneezing (like...a LOT) long, drawn out holdbacks/build ups, some NSFW sounds if you squint, mess/hints at a lot of mess, feather allergy, my OC Tsumeko being a real bitch to blasty boi, established Pro Hero AU, hands free stifles, forced stifles, B/akugou being loud and having an absolute potty mouth, growly noises (cause yknow angry B/akubrat), forced false starts (if thats a thing), B/akugou being winded/out of breath on a few occassions, cameo from T/odoroki and D/eku at the end, shirt being used as a tissue/noseblowing into shirt.

CHARACTERS DEPICTED ARE IN PRO HERO AU AND ARE 25+!

K/atsuki wakes up tied to a support beam in a structurally unsound building seemingly underground. When he realizes his captor is a well known thief he's been chasing for weeks, he's completely seeing red. Will he be able to tough it out against her strange test of endurance or crack under the pressure with a weakness he didn't even know he had?

Holy fuck guys...this shit is the length of a full on anime episode and idk whether to be proud of myself or ashamed like...idk what to think. All I know is that a LOT of anons wanted this wav and well...here it is lol. It took like 3 - 4 weeks of repeat sessions of JUST sneezing and also holdback training if you will. Most of them were seperate but 90% of the holdbacks in this are 100% real so enjoy my genuine battle against fresh vials of Chinknii xux;

I'm also sort of on the fence with this one, cause it's been a hot minute since I've done a B/akugou wav and I pretty much forgot how to sneeze like him, and I rerecorded certain sneezes but without much improvement so sorry about that u.u Hopefully they get better as I do a few more wavs with him coming up.

SO! Um...hopefully this does some numbers cause I have to be up early and I stayed up to finish this and um...yeah! Im gonna go pass out now-

102 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

#2

CW: Nose blowing, wet sneezes, sniffling, buildups/hitching breaths, somewhat horny Bakubrat, very teasing and dominant/demanding! Listener is in a servant position so there’s that if you’re into domestic servitude lmao

After a long day away from the palace, B/akugou returns from an outing drenched in freezing rain, and sneezing almost uncontrollably. He claims he’s fine...typical B/akugou. But once Y/N pesters him enough, he admits that he may have caught himself an awful illness by the name of Dragon Fever. With human blood running through their veins, Y/N is immune to this disease, so it’s up to them to nurse the suddenly teasing and feverish king back to health...

AS YOU CAN SEE, this file was too big and too horni for tumblr so I had to use soundcloud instead. A lot of people have been waiting for this, so I really REALLY hope it came out OK. You guys know Im too hard on myself these days like, ugh. The self loathing is so real...

But, it’s here. And I’ll probably take some time to write scripts and maaaaybe write a short fic? I dunno yet, Im really tired, lol Enjoy!

Minors DNI. Non-Kink blogs DO NOT REBLOG! Love you guys!

103 notes - Posted February 23, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

A shy, nerdy type of guy you've been friends with for so long that you've decided to tell about your kink. He thinks nothing of it, even reassures you that it's natural and it's not weird at all! He even totally forgets it...even as he's struggling with his usual hayfever.

You can't help but squirm as he's humiliating himself by struggling to fish out his used tissues to wipe his streaming nose, holding back his sneezes with messy half stifles into his hands. He looks down at the shiny mess in his palms as he hides himself from you, flushed red in the face. That's when he remembers.

"W-wait...y-you...l-like this sort of thing...don't you?"

133 notes - Posted March 25, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[can-of-pringles]

Uncommon Asks for Rosie, Kaia, and/or Lee

Do as many or as few as you'd like, there were a lot of interesting questions that I couldn't decide between!

4, 5, 9, 13, 19, 28, 30, 38, 43

Also D, G, and H for the creator questions

Thank you very much!

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Rosie: I feel like it's pretty easy. She tries to assume the best in people.

Kaia: Not as easily, especially when she's younger because it was kinda drilled into her head at a young age that there are forces out there that can get you (Heaven & Hell)

Lee: I don't think it's as easy, but it stays strong when the trust is earned. She's pretty loyal (unless something really bad happens ofc). Though there are times, she wrestles with worries of people betraying her, etc. But I think it just really depends.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Rosie: Not easy. She usually tries to give people the benefit of doubt. Makes excuses and etc. Which has landed her in some trouble.

Kaia: Very easy, I think the previous Kaia answer points it out.

Lee: I think a mix.

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Rosie: No way. Closest she's gotten is typing/writing words out but never actually saying them. If she's sweared, it would've been when she was little and still trying to grasp speaking. Like I could totally see her as a toddler trying to say 'ducks' but not quite yet mastered the d sound, and you can probably guess what instead. She'd remember that because Peter would retell the story because he thinks it was funny.

Kaia: I think she's only sweared in private. I don't think she remembers the first one. She definitely flips people off though.

Lee: Oh man... yeah. It's probably her "worst" habit. Her first swear was probably 'asshole' and she was like :Oc to >:)c

13. What color do they think they look best in? Do they actually look best in that color?

Rosie: She thinks she looks best in purple. Yeah, I say so. Though blue also suits her.

Kaia: She thinks she looks best in different shades of blues. Yes, it brings out one of her eyes.

Lee: She honestly wears a lot of like neutrals I think and warm tones. It suits her.

19. What is their favorite number?

Rosie: 3.

Kaia: 23.

Lee: 8.

28. Would they prefer a lie over an unpleasant truth?

Rosie: Yes.

Kaia: No.

Lee: Usually no.

30. Who do they most regret meeting?

Rosie: The girls from her childhood that bullied her. (It's a long and future story.)

Kaia: I don't know... there are plenty of unpleasant angels and demons out there.

Lee: Well, this one is kind of a cheat answer but her adoptive mother. She didn't meet her per se. Since she was adopted as a baby.

38. What memory do they revisit the most often?

Rosie: Probably something related to ducks?

Kaia: She has a lot of nice memories of being in the park. Or if we're going deeper, almost anything relating to Arith and Iriel. Like not memories of them, but something related like a picture or letter.

Lee: Probably something from her childhood.

43. If someone asked them to explain their sexuality, how would they do so?

Rosie: "I'm a lesbian, I like girls; anyone who's not a guy, to be honest. But my attraction is only romantically, I'm asexual. So that means for me I like to date and stuff but I don't feel sexual attraction."

Kaia: "Honestly it's kinda all over the place, nothing specific other than queer and ace/asexual. That just means I think someone is cute or beautiful, date them and stuff, but leave sex out of it."

Lee: "Um... how do I explain this... Ok, so, I'm basically bisexual. But replace the 'sexual' part with 'demi-romantic' which boils down to I like multiple genders but I only develop romantic feelings for someone after a long time of getting to know them. But only romantic feelings. I don't feel sexual attraction."

D) Have they always had the same physical appearance, or have you had to edit how they look?

Rosie: She's always kinda had the same appearance. Even before deciding a face claim, I knew I wanted her to look more like her mother.

Kaia: Out of these three she's gone through the most changes. I don't think she had freckles originally. Her hair was lighter. And her eyes were blue but had golden speckles in them instead; rather than the typical heterochromia.

Lee: Since she's my newest OC, she hasn't had a lot of changes done. The only thing I can think of is just deciding who her faceclaim would be. But I always imagined her with dark hair and brown eyes.

G) What trait of theirs bothers you the most?

Rosie: This is more of just a kid thing rather than Rosie-specific, but I mean sometimes she's kinda whiny (at least little Rosie, not so much when she's older)

Kaia: This is more on me but like it makes me sad how much she struggles, like she's been through so much trauma and I feel bad...

Lee: She's super stubborn, which is kinda fun to write but also like as I'm reading/writing it I'm like "Girl what are you doing"

H) What trait do you admire most?

Rosie: She's very friendly, and loves unconditionally.

Kaia: Her strength and how she keeps going through challenging things.

Lee: She's clever and witty but also quite brave.

Uncommon Questions for OCs and their creators:

[geoffreytoday]

Personal trauma dump under the cut. Not based on any new events, just venting stuff I've carried for years. Feel free to pass this one by. I may well delete it later anyway.

I've felt ugly for almost as long as I can remember. Grade two would be when it really started, when I became acutely aware that I was unpleasant to look at. That feeling has never left me in the 37 years since then.

I was the fat kid growing up. The 80s was a really bad time to be fat. There was on obsession with being skinny that bordered on pathological. Literally every television station started its broadcast day with an aerobics show.

It never even occurred to my parents to accept me as I was. My weight was a constant source of humiliation for me. It was a wrong that I was committing, and for which the punishment was the withholding of unconditional love.

Being fat was the worst thing that I could be in my mother's eyes. This was a fact constantly pounded into my head. There were endless trips to doctors and nutritionists, as if I was in charge of what groceries made it into the house, or what my meals my parents made. Mom pushed me into Weight Watchers when I was eleven. It didn't last long, but the fact that I was there at all is bonkers.

Before anyone thinks to themselves that I must have been very fat, in a medically alarming way, I was not. Looking back, I can see that I was chunky, but I wasn't obese, I wasn't a walking cautionary tale. There was no need for me, at eleven, to be in weight watchers, or to be subjected to the constant humiliation of meeting with doctors who should have simply told my mother I was fine.

The only thing accomplished by all of that was drilling into my psyche that I was irredeemably ugly. That I was unworthy of the love and support I should have had, because I failed to be skinny. This is not to say my parents didn't love or support me, they did. However, I was never unaware that my weight was a constant source of dissatisfaction and disappointment. That they felt my physical appearance made them look bad.

I have been in a constant battle with my weight my entire life. I wish I could say that things got better, that I learned to love myself and become comfortable with my weight, but that never happened. The world remains a harsh and deeply fatphobic place.

It doesn't help that the only times when I've been in a relationship have been when I got my weight down. Nothing reinforces the idea that your value as a person is dependant on your weight like the knowledge that you have only been considered worthy of romantic love when you've lost weight.

I would like nothing more than to get off the roller coaster permanently. To have a partner make me feel that not only am I deserving of love at whatever weight my body naturally wants to sit at, but that they actively find me attractive at that weight. That has never happened though.

I have never had a relationship where my partner actively and enthusiastically let me know that I was attractive. I've had the occasional "you look handsome" sprinkled here and there over my life, almost always in situations where it is an expected pleasantry though, like getting dressed up for an event.

I have never had a partner who wanted pictures of us together, or of me on my own. There is very little photographic evidence that I've dated anyone. It's hard to rewire your perception of your looks, especially when there's a total lack of affirmation from the person who should be the one that thinks mostly highly of them.

I've fallen into severely disordered eating habits, but they only succeed in keeping me in roughly the same ballpark as always. I yo-yo up and down, but never down far enough that my doctor will recognize them as a legitimate disorder. I suppose starving yourself regularly is only anorexia when once you're skinny. Who knows what kind long term damage I've done, and continue to do.

[foxilayde]

Solidarity [Nathan Bateman x Fem!Reader]

Word count: 1.1k

Summary: you have your ultrasound and wish that you had taken your baby daddy with you to the appointment

A/N: This is stupid. Don't look at me.

You step into the town car that’s waiting for you outside the doctor’s office in Oslo. You’re in a daze after your appointment. You barely register the valet shutting the door behind you, the instinctual buckling of your seatbelt, and the vibrating hum of solitude only hits you as you merge onto the freeway outside of the city’s epicenter. 

You pick up the tablet on the seat beside you and FaceTime Nathan. Stupid fucking bastard-ass, potent-ass, billionare-ass—

The loading screen swiftly transforms into your “vacation home”, the walls are familiar, though you’re not sure which room it is he’s addressing you from. Somewhere in the recesses if your logical mind you know that there’s zero reason for you to be angry at Nathan, but blame it on your hormones, or shock, or whatever, you’re alone and you’re scared and this is somehow ALL his fault. Nathan’s brow is crunched and it appears as though his tablet is placed on the floor, him answering from above. Too busy to dain to speak with you face to face, huh? Fucking god-complex-ass mother fucker!

“Hey, babe, what’s up?”

What’s up?? Whats UP?? WHATS UP?? He says it so nonchalantly, dipping out of view for god knows what reason. Leaving you to bellow to the view of the vaulted ceilings of your shared secured Norway cabin. 

“What’s up?? What’s up???? I NEEDED YOU THERE, BATEMAN, THAT’S WHATS UP.” Hot tears start to slide down your cheeks, the waterworks soften your angry business-like tone into something way too vulnerable for you to unpack right now.

Nathan takes the tablet in hand and gives a proper full face greeting, complete with furrowed brow. He’s scanning your background, you’re sure, to see if anything behind you is amiss. Anything detectable.

“Honey, please spare me the dramatics and just tell me what the issue is, I—“

“the ISSUE!! THE ISSUE is that WEEE, you and me, youuuu and iiiiii…. Are having aaahhh fucking TWINS, NATHAN. TWINS.”

Nathan observes you over the top of his glasses. “Is this a part of the—“

“NO!!! NOOOO, ITS NOT!! its not a part of our BIT. I aahhhhh! I wish it WAS!” You laugh and drag a hand down your face, slumping further into the black leather seats of the town car. 

“Just checking—“

“Yeah! YEAH. I knoW!! I know you’re just ‘checking’. BELIEVE ME! I drilled the doctor and her whole damn office for five minutes straight with the stuff, the goop on my belly.”

“What?”

“Yeah. Thanks to us and our little stupid ‘what if it’s twiiiins? oooooohhhoooo’ Ooogah boogah shit we’ve been pulling on each other, I was UNDERSTANDABLY DUBIOUS when the doctor told me that I was pregnant with twins. Plus since you booked the appointment, I was suspicious.”

“Shepherd’s the best obstetrician on the continent. Why else would I move us to this sleepy fucking village? But, babe, You were what? Searching her office for hidden cameras?”

The laughter in his voice makes you furious and your voice hits an octive previously unknown to you,

“I grabbed her by the coat and demanded to know how much you were paying her!! I THOUGHT YOU WERE PUNKING ME”

“Babe, Punking you? that show hasn’t relevant in, what, a deca—“

“FUCK YOURSELF, BATEMAN!!”

“Calm down”

“I can’t be calm!! I need you here!!”

“I offered to go.” 

“I know! I know you did! But… I thought! I thought…. I don’t know what I thought… I THOUGHT that I could PROVE myself to you… prove how capable I could be? Could prove what a burden I wouldn’t be… that I could, I don’t KNOW: show you that your life wouldn’t CHANGE too much! That I could raise the baby under your roof with you hardly even noticing…. Or something stupid, I don’t even know anymore, Nate.” 

“Hmmm, yeah. Not your best idea.”

“I cannot DO this ALONE!”

“Hey, dumbass.”

“DON’T! I’m hormonal.”

“…. sweetheart?”

You sniff, “that’s better”

“Honey, you’re not alone. Look.” Nathan pulls back the screen and you realize you’ve been looking at the vaulted ceiling of one of the guest bedrooms. On the floor is all the makings of a crib. One that you hearted from the pottery barn website a couple of weeks ago. Is he for REAL?

“I’m… halfway done.” He laughs, “Well more like one quarter of the way done now… Tell Terry to stop by pottery barn on your way back so I can get this shit knocked out today.”

“What? I thought you had a board meeting?”

“cancelled it.”

“Why?”

“Well, I was planning on going to an ultrasound appointment today.”

“You…. You wanted to go?”

Nathan audibly drops his screwdriver and runs a hand from his brow to his beard. “Honey, you gotta stop listening to the voice in your head and start listening to the one in my mouth.”

“Okay. Okay… you’re right. The stress can’t be good for the baby…. babIES.. shiiit.. okay okay…. I’m calm.”

“Good. And pick up some fish from the market, too. You know the spot. Don’t let Lee try to pawn that Dover Sole crap off on you either. Yellow fin, baby, say it with me, yellow. fin.” 

“I can’t have fish.”

“Its not for you.” 

“SOLIDARTITY. Remember?”

“I’m already 8 weeks into dry-Fuckuary… you’re going to make me give up sushi, too? I thought you said my life wasn’t going to change.” That last bit might have cracked you if it wasn’t for his wry smile and the peek of teeth gleaming against his black beard.

“No fish.”

“Fine. No fish. Just get the crib.”

“Okay, Nate.”

“Honey?”

“Yeah.”

“I know my life is going to change. I can handle some change, alright?”

“Alright.”

“That’s my girl.” 

“By the way there’s a fifty percent chance that its your fault.”

“What?!”

“The twins.”

“My FAULT? Honey. Honey fuking bunny. Lets not start this ‘fault’ shit again.”

“She said. She said if they’re fraternal it’s my fault, and if they’re identical it’s your fault.”

“Doctor Shepherd said that? Really? She said “fault”?”

“No. She said ‘responsible’.”

Nathan scratches his beard.

“Okay then. If they look the same, I’ll raise them and if they look different, then you’ll raise them.”

Your easy smile is returning to your face. He might be an asshole, but he never fails to put a smile on your face. “And if we can’t tell?”

“Then plan C. Parent trap them.”

“I’ll move to London with one and you move to Napa with the other and we’ll meet up again when the twins find each other at summer camp and devise a ruse to get us back together?”

“Not for nothing, but I’d make one helluva vineyard farmer… with a smoking hot gold-digger assistant.”

“I can see it. With the hat, too. On horseback.”

“I’ll have Maggie look into some winery real estate. Tell the driver to get off at the next exit for pottery barn.”

“Are you tracking me??”

“I track the packages for my charging cables, of course I’m fucking tracking you, honey.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too. Don’t forget the fish.”

“Nathan!”

“Joking. Solidarity.”

“Solidarity.”