#my mom will over buy something and never use it
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sturniozo · 2 days ago
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Dead Moon
Vampire! Chris x Reader au
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Hey guys! I know I have two works in progress already, but it's that time of year where my autistic ass binges twilight 300 times in a month and I've been in love with the idea of Vampire Chris. So, tell me whether or not you guys like this and if I should continue this or scrap it! I'm trying to make it seem twilighty, but also be its own thing. So, some background. The vampire lore will be very very very similar to twilights in many aspects. I wanted them to be older than in twilight so I could include smut because let's face it, we're all horny sluts and would go crazy for Vampire Chris.
Enjoy my loves! Please give me your thoughts and feedback!
Part one
I never gave much thought into how I’d die. I always assumed it would be something normal, and far into my future. A car crash, cancer, old age. Surely not during my college years, and not by my own choice. 
August twenty third was my last day at home, living with my family. My mother helped me move the last of my boxes into my car, crying and hugging me goodbye. I was leaving for college, one that was a few states away. I loved home. I loved the smell of the wet grass and the sun that always shined. I’d miss Cali. 
I was moving to a state where the weather is always gloomy and terrible. No, not Alaska, but Maine. Gloomy and rainy, my least favorite weather. But I was accepted into the University of Maine on a full scholarship. I’d be able to study anthropology without putting my mother out of any money. She struggles enough, being a single mother with three kids. 
My two younger siblings, Carl and Rachel, are twins. They’re five years younger than me and spoiled in their own ways. Carl never listens to anything anyone says and just does whatever he pleases with no repercussions. The only tragedy he faces is his decline in grades. He’s a straight D student. And don’t get me started on Rachel. She’s a liar and a thief, and the reason I’m so happy to move across the country. I had to put a lock on my bedroom door to keep her out and stop her from stealing my things. 
I never bothered my mother with their antics, she has her plate full enough. With a full time and part time job, barely being home, she can just barely pay the bills in the house my father had left us with, one that put my mother in debt as he left as they were still paying off the loan. I got my own job, so I was able to afford things for school, like a prom dress or maybe just splurge on some makeup. I was able to buy my own car the year prior to my leaving. 
I hugged my mother tightly after we had finished loading all my things into my car. “I’ll call as soon as I get there.” I told her. 
“Maine has terrible weather,” My mother stated. “What if the plane can’t land and-.”
“Mom.” I cut her off. “I’ll be fine.” I hugged her tightly once more before turning to my siblings. Despite their faults, I still love my siblings. It’s not fully their fault, they were only 15 at this time. They were even younger when our father walked out. Almost too young to remember him at all. Our mother has been working overtime for the past five years, ever since the bank had sent a letter saying if she doesn't keep up with the agreed upon amount for the payments, they’ll foreclose the house. So my siblings haven’t gotten to have much of a relationship with either of our parents. 
“Come here shit heads.” I said to them and motioned them to come over and hug me. My brother doesn’t hesitate, wrapping his arms around me tightly. 
“I can’t wait to have my own room.” Rachel said as I hugged our brother. 
“Can you at least wait until I’m gone before you make plans to take over my room.”  laugh as Carl lets go of the hug. 
“I’m sorry but I’m 15 and still sharing a room with my twin brother. I’ve been waiting for this since you got a job two years ago. I was hoping you’d move away sooner.”
”Wow. Okay, well you don’t get a hug then.” I mumble as I turn away from her. I always wished for a good relationship with her. But she turned out to be just like all the girls in high school I tried so hard to stay away from. But nonetheless, I love her. And I know somewhere in that black lump of coal she insists is her heart of gold, I know she loves me too.
“Y/n, wait.” Rachel said. I turned around to see her with her head turned away from me, but her arms were held out to embrace me. 
I hugged her tightly. “I’ll miss you so much.” I mumbled to her. 
“I guess I’ll miss you too.” She huffed in response. 
I let go of the hug. I stepped back and looked over my family one last time before I left for college. I got into my car, buckled up my seatbelt, and started off for the airport, my family waving me goodbye in the rear view mirror. 
The plane ride was tiring. I tried to sleep so I’d have energy to unpack at my new apartment, but it was difficult. I had always had difficulty sleeping. Most nights I would have been lucky to get four or five hours of sleep. 
I left the baggage area with all my belongings, thanking god that nothing was lost. I only had a few bags, as I didn’t own much. Of course, then I had to go find my car at a moving lot within the next few days. So, it was all uber and taxis from here. 
It was over an hour ride from the airport to my new apartment. Well, it wasn’t quite an apartment. It was a house, one that me and three other students had to share. Four bedrooms, each with their own bathroom and closet, built specifically for students. Almost a dorm, but believe it or not, more affordable. Especially since three others would help pay rent. 
I got out of the uber, where I met the landlord of the house. He held a clipboard and envelope, standing at the front door talking with who I assume must have been another student. 
From what I had known, I would have been sharing the house with two other girls and one guy. The guy was called Alexander, but he preferred to be called Xan. He essentially had the entire basement of the house to himself. It had one bedroom, a bathroom, its own living space and sliding glass door at the back of the house, where the ground had indented down hill. But it was also where we would all do our laundry, so it wasn’t entirely private. 
The main floor had one bedroom and bathroom as well, along with the kitchen, dining, and main living area. That space was taken by one of the girls, Maya. She was kind, supportive, and for some reason terrified of stairs. 
Then there was the second floor. That’s where Natalie and I had our rooms. And that’s all that was up there. Two bedrooms and two bathrooms. 
The house was on a street of many like it, each housing students from the University of Maine. And each of them, as I at the time rightfully assumed, was owned by the same man and his sons. 
The owner stood at the entrance. I made my way to him to greet him. “Hello. I’m Y/n.” I said to him, holding my hand out for him to shake. 
He looked over his clipboard before nodding, and handed me a key. “This is your only key, don’t lose it, and don’t ask for another one to give away. Keys are for residents only.” He told me, not even looking up from his clipboard. I grabbed the key, and felt his cold fingers. So cold they made me shiver. Does the heat not work in this place? It’s still August and it shouldn’t have been this cold. 
And it wasn’t. It was warm out that day. So warm I didn’t question why he was standing in the shade. He was so pale, another thing I didn’t question. We were in Maine, one of the gloomiest states in the country. This was probably the one nice day I’d ever see in my whole four years I was going to spend there. 
“I see you have already gotten a job here in maine?” He said to me, “Not an on site school job then like a dishwasher or librarian?”
I shook my head. “No,” I said, “I’ll be working as a waitress at a Cafe not far from the school.” 
He shrugged me off, and looked back at his clipboard. “As long as rent is due on time and you’re still attending school, that's all I care about.” He said. 
I nodded, gripping onto my bags as I began to walk into the house. 
“Your room is on the second floor, the one on the right. You’ll have a nice sized closet and your own bathroom.” He said. “One of your house mates is already here, Maya. She might help you settle in.” The landlord turned to me as I held my bags in my hands. “My name is Jimmy, and if you have any concerns or questions feel free to contact me, or my sons Chris, Matt, or Nick by these numbers. We’ll get back to you by the next day.” He said as he handed me a slip of paper. “They will also be staying in a house down the street, they all attend the University of Maine as well.” Jimmy explained.
I nodded in response, and put the numbers in my pocket to make a mental note to put them in my phone later. “So is this a family business then?” I asked.
Jimmy lifted his head to look at me. He smiled softly, almost a smirk. “You could say our family has been providing homes to students for hundreds of years.”
My eyes widened in surprise. Hundreds of years? What housing could they have provided at the start? I shook my head and walked into the house. It was best not to dwell on the tiny details right now. I needed to get settled in. The next day I would start my new job, one that I thankfully got over an online interview. 
I was a waitress at a very popular restaurant in Cali. My old boss had helped me get this job, as he had let me put him down as a reference on my application. 
It didn’t take long for me to settle in. I walked up to my bedroom, opened the door on the right, and was greeted with a bland room, with only a bed with no bedsheets, and an ikea bed frame and dresser. Honestly, I was thankful for those furnishings, since I hadn’t brought my own. 
I placed my bags on my bed, and sat next to them. I kicked my shoes off and started to root through my suitcase full of my clothes. 
My clothes and shoes took up two suitcases and a bookbag, my makeup in a small makeup case the size of a hefty purse, and my essentials such as deodorant and a toothbrush and hairbrush and other things were in a smaller bag. Then there was my school things that were all in my computer bag. No, I didn’t have much. I took everything from home and brought it here, and well, the things I didn’t bring, now belong to my sister Rachel.
I unpacked my clothes and shoes, putting them away in the closet and dresser. Both were less than half full when I had finished. I had put my computer on the dresser, trying to make it into a make-shift desk. I’d get one of those later, once I had made some money. I set my makeup case on the dresser as well, and put all my essentials in the bathroom. 
I started to make a mental list of things I would need. Towels, wash-rags, mirror, desk, chair. The last thing I pulled out of my bag were my bedsheets. I made my bed up, finished unpacking. I had put my suitcases under the bed after. 
I checked the time on my phone. It only took me half an hour to finish this. I left my room to make my way downstairs, hoping to meet some of my house mates. 
Instead I’m met with a taller man, one I know could not be Xan as we had all made a group chat prior to moving in, to get to know each other and sort out who’s room will be who’s, and house rules. Within getting to know Xan, I knew that he was far, far, too short to be this man. Xan was 5’4. He had express his wish for us not to tease him when we all finally met.
This man wasn’t the tallest, but certainly taller than Xan. He was helping one of the house mates, one who I later learned was Maya, bring her things in. The man had dark colored hair, like a brunette, but in a way that you could tell he was blonde at a younger age, and his hair had just gotten darker with age. He didn’t look too much older than me either. Maybe just a year or two? 
He was holding Maya’s boxed dresser like it was nothing, carrying it to her room. He didn’t look like he had the muscle to carry it with such little ease, but he did. 
He wore a red jacket over a black shirt, and loose fitting black jeans. Such warm clothes for the weather we’re having. I thought it was odd at the time, but didn’t question it. I knew people in high school that wore the same hoodie everyday to school, no matter the weather. 
He passed me as I stood on the steps of the stairs, locking eyes with me. He had dark piercing blue eyes, and pale skin surrounding them. His eyes looked sunken, like he’d never slept in his life but still was refreshed for the day somehow. 
His face contorted into a grimace when he passed me. Was I really that repulsive to him? He turned his head away from me as he continued to help Maya bring her things into her room. 
Maya was more prepared than I was. Or at least she had more things. She did bring a desk and towels and a mirror and her own dresser and bed frame. She came fully prepared to the house. 
The more the day grew on the more I realized I was the least prepared person of the house mates. Xan had already set up before I had even got here. He was just in the basement doing his own thing and ignoring everybody, which I would soon learn is normal behavior for him. Natalie settled in last, but just after Maya had finished bringing all of her things in. The man had left after helping Natalie, not saying a word to me the whole time, as if he was avoiding me completely on purpose. 
It didn’t take long for me to realize that he was one of Jimmy’s sons. I didn’t know which one just yet, but after I saw him get into a car with Jimmy after helping Natalie settle in, it clicked in my brain. 
Jimmy had said his sons were living in a house down the street, and that they attend the college as well. I wondered if I’d see this guy again, whether in school or sometime else, and if he’d always avoid me like that.
Maya came running up to me as I walked down the stairs to make my way into the kitchen. “Y/n, right?” She said. 
“Yeah, that’s my name.” I muttered back in response. She followed me as I went into the kitchen for a snack. 
“How do you feel about a block party?” She asked me. “The whole block is throwing a party for the week before school starts.” She stated.
“The whole week?” I asked. 
“Well, the whole week nights. All the houses are open doors and I wondered if you would be okay with our house being involved?” She looked at me with puppy eyes. 
I opened the fridge door and pulled out my bologna lunchable. I loved those snack lunches, when I still could eat food. “What did Natalie and Xan say?” I asked.
“Nat’s all in, she loves a party.” Maya exclaimed happily. “And Xan’s fine with it as long as the basement door is locked and no one disturbs him.” She looked down with a slight smile. I should have guessed then that Maya had a small crush on Xan, but at that time I was too wrapped up in myself to notice anything significant. 
“Okay, I’m in.” I said. 
Maya looked up with bright eyes. “Really?” She smiled big.
“Only if I can have the same rule as Xan.” I said. “I’ll lock my bedroom door and not be disturbed.” I crossed my arms, lunchable still in hand. 
Maya’s smile faltered slightly, but she still seemed happy and content with my answer. “Okay, deal!” She said with a smile. She left the kitchen, meeting Natalie in the living room, and told her the ‘good news.’ They both squealed in excitement and started planning decorations and themes. 
I took a deep breath and made my way back up the stairs and to my bedroom. Night parties for a whole week before school starts. I always hated parties. I never had close enough friends to go to them with. Even at high school events and dances I didn’t attend, I hated the thought of everyone seeing me in my loneliness. 
I sat on my bed and started on my lunchable. I opened my computer to put on a show to watch while I ate my snack. 
Hours passed, the sun had gone down. I was laying on my bed half asleep, trying to pay attention to my show but failing. I had almost drifted off to sleep when I heard footsteps and voices and music begin downstairs. I guess the party had started already. Figures, the one time I might sleep I get interrupted. 
I sat up in my bed, continuing on with my show. I made it through two episodes before feeling the need to stretch my legs. It wasn’t too late at night, only around eleven. I walked over to my window to give my legs a little bit of exercise, and looked upon the street. 
My eyes got caught in the stare of the man that helped Maya earlier today. He was standing on the street with a cup in hand, along with two guys that looked very, very similar to him. I was right to assume that those were his brothers. 
It didn’t surprise me that they would attend these block parties, with their family owning the houses on the block. It did startle me that as soon as I looked out my window, he was already looking at me. 
I felt a chill go down my spine. My hair stood on end as my lip quivered. The man’s brothers paid no attention to me, conversing with each other and presumably with the man who paid little to no attention to them. 
I took a step back and closed the blinds of my window, shuddering at the moment that passed. I walk back to my bed when there's a knock on my door. I looked up in confusion. I was sure no one would bother me, as Maya and Natalie blocked off the whole staircase. Only the main floor was accessible to the guests. 
I walked over and opened my door, and to my surprise, it was him. How did he get here so fast? Not ten seconds ago I saw him on the street outside the house, and now he’s at my bedroom door. 
“Who are you?” He asked me in a gruff tone. 
I paused for a second, confused about the question and what was going on. “What?” I managed to say. 
“Who are you?” He asked again. “What are you doing here?” He added. 
“I’m Y/n, I’m attending the University of Maine.” I said. “Who are you?” I added.
“Chris.” He said. “My family owns these houses.” 
I nodded in response. I had so many more questions. How did he get to my door so fast? Why did he glare at me earlier today? Why has he taken such an interest in me? Why was he staring at me from the street?
He stared at me for a moment. Glaring like he did earlier. He seemed disgusted and intrigued with me. Like I was a gross thing he wanted to figure out. 
I took a step back, uncomfortable with the situation. Chris seemed to take this as an invitation and swiftly entered my bedroom. 
He looked around, seeing the barren room. The soft blue bed sheets, ikea furniture that came in the room already. He looked back at me with the same confused look he always has on his face when he looks at me. 
“Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked. 
“Like what?” He said, looking away from me. 
“You know what I mean. You made that face when you saw me earlier today too. Like I sink or something.”
Chris scoffed. “Maybe you do.” He said with a smirk. 
My face reddened with embarrassment. I looked down and sniffed my shirt. Maybe I’m blind to my own smell, I thought. I smelled no different than usual, like fresh laundry and lavender body wash. 
I looked back up at Chris, who was watching me intently. I had grown more uncomfortable with the situation. 
“Can I ask you to leave?” I said. 
Chris shrugged. “You can.” He walked to the door and looked back at me. His eyes roamed up and down my whole body, causing me to shudder again. He made the confused and disgusted face once again before leaving. 
I shook off the discomfort before I sat back down on my bed. God I hope I don’t have to deal with that guy often.
Taglist: @bernardenjoyer @sturniolosreads @mbbsgf @xxsadlovexx @whicked-hazlatwhore @sturnsgirl1 @keira324 @stuniolobbg @timmyscomputer @meg-sturniolo @sturnioloenthusiast @nickdevora @hearts4chriss @carolinalikesthings @mattscokewhore @tillies33ssss @junnniiieee07
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ano-po · 5 months ago
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The canon event where you move out of your Asian household and you realize you can throw your single-use plastic bags/containers because you have glass, ceramic, or woven baskets to keep your things. Your mind says "what if there is a new thing you must contain?" but you answer with "I don't have much to contain anyway." You have one eco bag that also works as a tote bag sometimes. It's holding on. It's very sturdy. You use it for books and groceries and gadgets. It's only one and you don't feel the need to buy another. You throw away the batteries (safely) that are empty, because what's the need to keep them around, only to be forgotten? Most of your things are solar-powered and rechargeable anyway. You don't buy clothes that you think you'll use somehow. You only have 5 sets of carefully thrifted clothes or heavily saved long-lasting designers. They're all adjustable. You accepted that the human body is ever flunctuating. You realize you don't have to keep that scrap of fabric. You bought one microfiber cloth you use for every kind of surface. You can squeeze it and it's all dry, not staying in the kitchen wet and slimy. You realize you can throw away the sticks you found in the woods NOPE NOPE I NEED THESE STICKS HERE thaNk you very much these are good sticks see KALI-KALI SIZE WOW nope these are staying!
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szaryherbatnik · 1 month ago
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Tough day rambles
In a world with a different setting id be a prophet or a person with cool visions, id be a person worthy of protection and trust and friendship. Here im just paranoid and i worry about the wrong things. Somewhere else when i dance on my way to a shop everyone thinks im full of joy and whimsy and they dont think im drunk or childish. Somewhere else i can be around people for more than 5 hours before i shut down for the rest of the day. Somewhere else i dont remind everyone im stupid and dumb and i dont describe everything i do and feel as "slight" and "little" and "a bit", im able to love romantically and dream of tenderness and give it and recieve it. Idk i just hate myself a lot.
#period moment#im unable of feeling any positive emotion currently#but its true i am worthless#i always promise myself i wont enter new fandoms because in the end theyre just reminders of how ill never be cool and enough etc#i wish i had a confirmation that im not that bad#old man journalist who came to our uni said oooh i thought you were american with your accent and how much u use the word 'like'#i told him my vocabulary is just really really bad and he laughed but yeah omg what a way to tell me im dumb#and also guy from class texting me transphobic pro trump stuff just cause he wants me to give him arguments against what he says#why#just why#and im bad at german#and i havent started writing my article even tho i have over a month to do it#and i dont understand in between wars economics in germany#and i cant write my coalecroux and theres no point of continuing there are much better writers#everything i do is wrong and i dont understand what i should understand#disgusting uh i feel disgusting#my mom told me that her boyfriend got a “beautiful” christmas gift for me#dude why WHY would you buy me things that can be described as beautiful#i hate christmas#i just want to be somewhere else in a different world#i want to be in avantris i want to use magic i dont want to be human#i wish i was older because maybe when youre like 27 your opinions and feelings matter#but im over here rocking back and forth and sucking on a necklace like a fucking baby watching wizard of oz#how do you stop hating yourself i dont get it#i dont fuckinf understand anything#everything is clouded with my desire to be dead or somewhere else and its been like this for a decade i just want it to stop#goodnight i hope i dont fucking wake up i hope my cat scratches my stomach open and eats my body so im useful for something
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astral-catastrophe · 3 months ago
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me and the generic extra strong Tylenol and the pure rage in my system
#Every once in a while I think. It’s not too bad home. I’m over dramatic. It’s not bad and it won’t be bad when I go home and never been bad#Then actually think and remember#I shouldn’t have been hit as a small child. I thank god that my parents stopped that with me.#But also. I should have been taken seriously when I went To them with concerns and shouldn’t have been brushed off.#But also to be a 14 something year old and to realize your parents aren’t in love is a crushing feeling#Since that must have been when. 13-14. Appa passed. Pandemic times. I’m sure my father. Since this would have been the last time I saw Appa#We went down to visit. Dad didn’t go he had work. He sent us off. I remember sitting in the passenger seat by mom in driver#Dad praying for our safe travel and for him going in for a kiss and the moment of hesitation and unwant from my mother#And the awkward silence and the way everything seemed to just shift to the side#That was summer of 2019. My first time realizing my parents weren’t both in love happened when I was 13-14.#I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.#And going to college has me feeling so guilty. Like I fucking ditched my siblings? The kids I raised as a child myself?#(I had to go. I don’t know if my scholarship would have held I don’t know if my financial aid would have held. I couldn’t have waited. )#(I would have likely done something bad to myself. Genuinely. If I weren’t able to be here. If I had to stay. I wouldn’t survive that.)#my siblings are fine. They have no responsibilities. My sister is manipulative. They will manage. They want me to get the education I need#They aren’t going to have to use their own college money to pay to be able to eat because the parents won’t feed them for the summer#I went into college with at least a couple hundred less than I should have. Because I had to parent. I had to feed my siblings.#And I had to pay to fill the gas tank on my father’s gas eater truck. We couldn’t be home because of the selling home situation.#I had to do something to get us out and to feed us but I didn’t get paid back for anywhere near all of it#I don’t regret it. But a kid shouldn’t have to pay for them and their siblings to live.#But then I remember the dread I have for returning ‘home’ for the breaks. I don’t know what I’m going to do.#If I can’t work all of the breaks then I either won’t be able to pay next semester#Or I’ll have almost no money in savings. Like nothing to my name. Can’t buy gas. Can’t do anything. Can’t buy food.#Unless the next scholarship stuff I’m doing pulls through. But I’m willing to work the whole break just to get away from either house.#I want to violently shake my parents and get them to comprehend#Father you have dropped 260$ into my bank account in the last two weeks. Why could this not be earlier in the semester.#Why couldn’t that be in the time and fashion you FUCKING PROMISED for helping me pay my schooling?#You have money to spare. Stupid. Why couldn’t you help like you promised.#Mom you fucker. I get that you are kinda with a new man now. But you’re leading yourself into a relationship with a man you said yourself#You don’t want to date because he wants to move away with his sister and because he hates it here
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#i hate that i'm like this but the girl we're hosting used my mug and it makes me irrationally angry#like#i didn't ever tell her ''hey don't use this mug because i have my own stuff and i don't like cross contaminating''#so i KNOW i have no right to be angry#and it coooouuld have been one of my family members who used it but i doubt it because they know i don't like sharing mugs and glasses etc#but either way this is just a symptom of how chaotic i feel in my own house and i hate myself for being like this#i never say anything because i KNOW its crazy people talk to be like ''hey that's my seat. why? because i always sit there and like it?''#and i know it doesn't affect anyone how the spoons are organized and how the plates are stacked and where the pots are stored#but its just infuriating to see things in places where (in my mind system) they don't go#i know it's the autism but that has never found me any sort of sympathy in my family (diagnosis or no diagnosis) so i can't say that#and if i skirt around it and say ''i like things a certain way and not having them like that causes me severe emotional distress''#it makes me seem controlling and abusive (which are things my mom has implied i am when i explain these things to her)#i know the real reason for these issues isn't our guest but also at this point she isn't our fucking guest because SHE'S BEEN HERE A MONTH#and she is clearly overstaying her welcome imo#i don't say anything because i'm not a mean person but i'm sure everyone around me can tell i'm stressed about something#i just need my space back but i don't even feel like i have a claim over that cuz mexican families are full of the ''my house my rules'' bs#which is untrue because a) the house isn't even owned by my parents anymore#(they made some stupid financial choices years ago and my uncle had to buy the house from them or risk foreclosure)#and b) we're all adults (except my brother obviously) and we all contribute however we can#so i should have some say in how i feel if i'm living here imo#and i am trying to make money however i can so i can move out soon#but just going out twice a week has me like this i can't imagine working a traditional job atm#(i did apply for a grant for autistic people of color so hopefully something will come of that)#anyways that was my rant i'm just really stressed and constantly on the brink of a meltdown#it's not this random girls fault#she just happens to be the final drop in my very very small bucket very often these days#(y'know because she's a fucking stranger in my house and i hate having to mask in my own home idk i'm awful i probably won't post this)
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waheedawolf · 11 months ago
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#the day was going so well until my mom decided to be mean to me for no reason in a piblic space where i was already feeling scared and over#stimulated. i wanted to try out the skateboards in decathlon but there were too many people and i got scared. and my mom suddenly said that#the skateboard that she was going to buy for me after/on my birthday. she had decided to buy now. since we were alr in theshop and i said no#way bec i hadnt decided which one i wanted yet and i was soo panicked. and then after some time when id calmed down a bit and was gonna try#to skate anyways she started questioning me abt when i planned on peacticing and where i was gonna do it and i obviously just started saying#things that i thought she would approve of. and then she told me i didnt have the time management skills or resolve to make it work. and she#just kept on passive aggressively bullying me until i just couldnt do it anymore and i told her i wanted go leave the store bc she was#spoiling the mood. and then she started bullying me louder and she told me to stop blaming her bc she was only asking me a question and she#didn't want to waste any more money on things that i wasnt gonna do even though ive wanted a skateboard for years now and have been actively#asking her for months. and i just lost my emergy and my appetite and i wanted to leave the mall and go home but insteaf she gook us to a#bagel place that ive been trying to get her to take us even though i felt like throwing up before we even left the mall and i told her i#didnt want to go there. and my brother even told her that she was ruining things for everyone. and he still ended up blaming me in the end.#but whatever. i kept getting flashbacks to insanely traumatic moments where shed yelled at or bullied me or cornered me or tried to#embarass me in public. and this is most likely my last year at home. and my last year of childhood. and its all going to be remembered in my#brain as underwhelming and depressing and mostly horrible. and im going to leave home and never cone back and my last year at home is going#to be just as shitty as every other year and ill just have to deal with that and try to build something good and new and kind when i leave#she shouldnt speak to her own children like this. she shouldnt be looking for reasons to make things miserable for me all the time like this#i should study. my head hurts. my entire body hurts so bad#delete later
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preserve-or-raze · 2 years ago
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my tags got out of hand
i keep thinking about hobbies and how i often spill over myself to pick up new ones. i have adhd, i end up trying something for like a month and then just getting far enough in it that i move on, satisfied.
and that should be fine; but it's never fine.
i am a pretty decent artist; but i can't just make art for my dnd campaign, i should be selling dnd maps and character designs and scene setting pieces. i can't just make my friends matching earrings, i need to get an etsy and ship them internationally and take bulk orders. i make pretty good props and decorations and use them to throw my friends parties - but i should be running a party planning business and start taking paying clients and networking and putting my skills to actual use.
for some reason, i never figured out the specifics of pottery. it was a fun class and i enjoyed myself - and still, i'm embarrassed, years later, that i put in all that useless effort. everything i make has to be stunning. stellar. i should have applied myself more. maybe i'm too lazy. maybe i'm broken and selfish and needy. actually creative people would have kept going; they would be bettering themselves at every possible opportunity.
we find ourselves in this trap, even accidentally: we need to commodify our time, because it is a commodity. if we spend our efforts and our time not earning, isn't that the same thing as burning free money? and god forbid you ever take up a hobby that ends up being more expensive than you thought. you sit in your car and you look at the receipt and in your head you hear a conversation that isn't even happening - your mom or your friend or your partner all saying oh great. not this shit again. it's always something with you, and it never actually means anything.
i have realized this horrible thing, recently - i'll get excited to start a project, pick up a new hobby. and then i just... stop myself. i start thinking about the amount of time it will take, and how it'll look in my monthly budget. what if i can't even produce a good enough final product. sure, it's exciting to think about how i could make my friend her own custom dice. but i'm just polluting the earth if i don't get it right. better not bother. better not try.
restless, i get caught in the negative space. the feeling that oh god, i want to create. and that horrible sense - yeah, but i don't have the time to just put to waste.
#oh my god i’m not the only person in the whole world who has Struggles and Difficulties#i am in pharmacy school which means i have no money no time etc and so every single thing that would bring an iota of joy or escape#must be cut for time because you haven’t studied for your exam next month so no you cannot start watching that the show.#and because you missed the deadline two weeks ago for that group project that the others did for you there will be no sitting at the piano#also you made a c and not a b on the exam yesterday so maybe instead of ordering takeout like you said you were going to#(because you know that you don’t buy real food on the rare occasion you go to the grocery store)#instead you’re gonna have to pick through your bare cabinets and empty fridge freezer for something. or just not eat#like you sometimes do#this is not a problem bc you’ve saved your money which you can’t afford to waste#that’s what they told you when you started: tell your friends you can’t see them much because a doctoral program is a time commitment#they said: you need to quit your side hustles and get an internship#they said: you need to ask for cleaning supplies for your birthday—and clothes and shoes bc tuition is very expensive#this isn’t some deficiency on your part. everyone else lives in isolation with no hobbies or entertainment too.#the only difference is that THEY spend all that time studying and reviewing and working and preparing—#while YOU are laying in bed all day because the thought of writing that paragraph is nauseating and tomorrows exam is slowly enveloping you#and you can tell because you had to retake those 2 classes and you have to retake another one this summer.#never mind that you still don’t know anything. just keep playing the part. stay afloat until this week’s exam is over#then you can worry about next week’s exams#(you WILL worry about next week’s exams)#learning the ukulele isn’t going to ease your stress it’s just gonna make you feel guilty#what do you mean you already feel guilty because you’ve pulled the ukelele out exactly twice since mom gave it to you for christmas?#that webseries updates 4 times a week. can you honestly tell me that you have 4 hours a week where you don’t feel shame#about not exceeding expectations anymore?#i thought not. close your compute— you didn’t even take it out of your bag.#do you ever take it out of your bag at home?#you don’t.#well i can see why you’re such a fucking failure#it’s 3:27 am but ​i won’t bother telling you to shower or brush your teeth- i know you don’t do that.#you went to bed three and a half hours ago now it’s time to sleep#maybe we’ll see what tomorrow has for us
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mattybsgroupie · 2 months ago
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husband!chris headcanons
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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ notes: you guys need to understand that i’m not a chris girl. i’m not used to this fucker and i have to think LOTS before writing about him!!!!!!!! this one was really fun tho thank you for the request anon ♡
♡⊹𑄽୧
husband!chris who … would ask you to marry him during a make out session
husband!chris who … claims he didn’t buy a ring, so when you gave him a confused gaze he immediately got up from the couch
husband!chris who … got a ring pop from the kitchen and kneeled down to propose
husband!chris who … left the actual ring inside his underwear drawer
husband!chris who … yelled from the shower, “ma can you get me my boxers?”
husband!chris who … had a towel wrapped around his waist and the biggest smile on his face when you came with the velvet ring box in your hand
husband!chris who … started calling you “my wife” and never stopped
husband!chris who … wanted you as the mom of his kids the minute he first saw you
♡⊹𑄽୧
husband!chris who … couldn’t wait until the wedding party was over and had to have a quickie in the bathroom
husband!chris who … wouldn’t shut up about how pretty you look during honeymoon
husband!chris who … wants to have sex in every corner of the new house
husband!chris who … will wash the dishes for a blowjob
husband!chris who … walks around the house naked
husband!chris who … always doms and gets extremely embarrassed when he wants to sub
husband!chris who … loves to call you “mama”
husband!chris who … asks you to have his babies before cumming
husband!chris who … also has a breeding kink and loves saying that he’s gonna fill you up
husband!chris who … has like, 3 girls running around the house
husband!chris who … will convince his kids to do something fun outside just so you guys can have some time alone
♡⊹𑄽୧
2K notes · View notes
houseofwolvess · 2 years ago
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it's official, im no longer allowed to have anything as my own unless i hide it deep within my room
#this is so fucking petty but im pissed#i bought five energy drinks yesterday only because it was 5 for $5. im broke as shit but i wanted to buy myself something as a treat.#i never buy myself anything anymore and i never really ask for anything either because my mom has to buy a fair bit for my friend#so this was the one and only treat ive allowed myself to get in a long while.#i drank one yesterday and put the rest in the fridge with a sticky note on them that had my name on it#and this morning i found my friend took from it without even asking. when they literally had my NAME on it and everything#im sorry. maybe id be fine with sharing if she had bothered to ask. but for the love of fucking god im pissed#she has a job!!! she has the money to buy herself nice shit!!!#i spent my last fucking $5 bill on this one fucking nice thing for myself after not buying myself anything for well over a month#and i can't even have that.#i took the rest up to my room and i gotta find somewhere to put them#i have snacks up here too because she tends to eat all my snacks before i even have the chance to try them so i have to hide them#ive struggled with some degree of hoarding tendencies for a while now and i thought i was getting better but over the past two months it -#- feels like all of my progress has been reverted#i know it's stupid to get worked up over fucking energy drinks. but its not even the drinks themselves that are the problem.#its just the fact that in my own home the only way im allowed to keep anything for myself is if i hoard it in my room and keep it hidden -#- because otherwise it'll be taken or used in some way#all without anyone even acknowledging me or the fact that these things are mine
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racew1nn3rs · 8 months ago
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─ 𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘯𝘦 𝘪𝘪. (𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘰𝘳 𝘰𝘧 𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘷𝘪𝘭𝘭𝘦) 🍊
⤷ summary: saudi arabian and australian grands prix happen! y/n starts making vlogs for the races and it reveals more about her and a certain driver's feelings than she hoped, not that she notices. poor oscar's stuck in the middle of it all but he's trying his best!
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liked by f1, landonorris, and 55,007 others
tagged landonorris and oscarpiastri
mclaren saudi arabia, you were beautiful even if the results weren't! ready for what's to come
12,567 comments
user1 admin not using a single nice photo of the drivers 😭
user2 admin be honest is this your revenge era
mclaren well, yes!
user3 HELP MEEEE
user4 the way lando looks at her 😭
user5 this is a place of business
user6 oscar looks petrified 💀
mclaren dw guys we're still training him!
oscarpiastri wtf why would u say it like that, i'm not a dog
mclaren full-time team mascot, part time driver
user7 admin drop the insta your so pretty 😭😭
user8 no literally, content of her WHERE
mclaren ynusername 🤲🏼
user9 LETS FUCKING GO
user10 HER DISSING HER OWN TEAM 💀 THEY'RE GONNA FIRE YOU GIRL
mclaren they don't pay me to LIE
user11 CRAZYY
user12 LANDO IS NEVER GETTING A GOOD PIC EVER AGAIN 😭
mclaren what can i say, i am no mans peace 🥱
user13 icon
landonorris reporting you to hr
mclaren for what
landonorris idk harrassment or something
mclaren ok keyboard warrior, lets calm down 💀
user14 KEYBOARD WARRIOR HELEPSJSM
user15 i vote admin just takes over and we don't even get driver pictures
user16 real and true
user17 i fear we may have lost the plot
user18 thoughts on today's results
mclaren i'm trying to be positive in general but man
user19 LMAOOOOO
user20 ik the pr department is shaking in their boots after every post notif
mclaren probably! but unfortunately for everyone, i am going to keep doing whatever i want
user21 no more lando beef, mclaren admin?
mclaren i forget but i never forgive. i forgot why we were fighting but i stay hating bitches 🥱
landonorris literally WHAT DID I DO
mclaren IDK BUT IK U PISSED ME OFF 🫵
oscarpiastri diabolical photo choice
oscarpiastri i look like a little kid on picture day
mclaren so basically your everyday look
oscarpiastri yk what you are making this work environment very hostile
mclaren i can make it more hostile if you want 🤨
oscarpiastri nevermind!!!
maxfewtrell most flattering lando picture i've seen in years
mclaren that's saying something isn't it 🤩
user22 i went to haterville and they all knew you admin
mclaren they actually just elected me mayor there!!! 💪🏻
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liked by bsfusername, landonorris, and 17,800 others
ynusername if my admin duties don't kill me, i promise my caffeine addiction will! (:
3,422 comments
user23 be honest, how many coffees have you had today
ynusername 3!
user24 oh that's not that bad
ynusername +5
user24 JESUS CHRSUT
bsfusername at this point i think meth would be healthier
ynusername honestly yeah
ynusername thanks for the suggestion!!
user25 nooo admin don't do meth ur so sexy aha
ynusername that just made me want to do meth more
landonorris so what i'm hearing is buying you an espresso machine would get me in your good graces 😇
user26 oh brother here he goes
ynusername you must be deaf then
landonorris 😔 2 espresso machines?
ynusername i don't want ur dirty espresso machines 🙄
oscarpiastri now what car is that 🫵
ynusername SHHHHH
oscarpiastri TRAITOR
bsf2username when your not busy being super sexy on a race track, can we go thrifting and get sweetgreen and overpriced coffee 🙏🏼🙏🏼
ynusername this could've been an email, get this out of my comments 💀
ynusername but yeah obviously
user27 admin vlogs when 😔
ynusername SOON!!! very very soon
user28 mother feeding us once again
ynusername brb, adding single mom who works two jobs, loves her kids, and never stops to my resume
danielricciardo coffee recipe where?
ynusername in your dms now ‼️
danielricciardo is this flirting
ynusername no if i was flirting i would've told you to ask me in person, i'm just being charitable
landonorris can i get the coffee recipe too then 🤲🏼
ynusername wdy want next, my mugs? keep on walking charity case
user29 CHARITY CASE IS CRAZYDFHAJ
user30 she's so effortlessly funny and mean i love her
user31 i feel like this is so unprofessional /:
ynusername babe professional where, you are on??? my personal?? account???
user32 maybe she's born with it, maybe it's the fact that she's consumed enough caffeine to tranquelize a horse
user33 oh please the horse would be dead
ynusername call an ambulance, BUT NOT FOR ME ‼️💪🏻🗣️
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ynusername posted to story!
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(caption: melbourne vlog out now on youtube, go watch!!)
15,221 replies
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"This thing better be working," could be heard slightly muffled in between vague shuffling sounds. After a second or two of incoherent noise, the camera footage finally came on. Y/N smiled at herself in the camera as the recording light blinked to life, and raised her hand victoriously. She grabbed the smile microphone in front of her and laughed, "It looks like everything is working. Thank God, I wouldn't have known how to fix it otherwise."
"Alright everybody, welcome to the first race weekend vlog hosted by me! Your favorite McLaren admin and social manager. It took me forever to figure out how I wanted to go about this, but now I think I settled on a format that will work," She explained as she walked around the small, clean kitchen that was within frame of the camera. She pulled a glass jar out of her cabinets and left it on the counter before pulling a jug of cold brew and a cartridge of milk out of her fridge.
"It is currently 7:30 A.M on March 29th, and I have a flight to Melbourne in 3 hours. I'm already packed and ready for this weekend, but I wanted to get an introduction filmed and I wanted to take a shower before I left." Y/N paused for a moment as she poured the coffee into her mason jar until she seemed satisfied and began to add some milk. "I am totally exhausted so this is probably cup one of like," she laughed, "I don't know seven probably. And this is a pretty big jar I won't lie."
"The race weekend doesn't technically start until Friday, so I'll be getting there a bit early, but I wanted to film some content before the race weekend gets really hectic, so McLaren is sending me a little bit earlier. I'm excited though! I love the heat, even if I live in London the antithesis of Australian weather," she taste-tested her coffee and hummed in delight.
"God I really never miss with this stuff," she said contently. "Anyway, it's a bit of an early start today, but I'll have plenty of time to sleep on the fight. I mean can you believe that London to Melbourne is a nearly 22 hours," she scoffed. "I vote that we start making all of the races in one place so I don't have to feel jet lag more painful than the force of 1,000 suns every other weekend. Not that I'm complaining," she chuckled awkwardly, "I love my job McLaren please don't fire me."
Abruptly an orange tabby cat came into the frame of the camera, causing Y/N to abruptly grab her glass jar in the hopes of avoiding a mess. She gasped, but laughed as the cat scampered off as quickly as it had come. She shook her head fondly.
"That, ladies and gentleman, was Cali! My cat. She's literally my baby, and I love her more than anything else on this earth. However, she does have an affinity for hitting things off of counters and breaking them. She also hates men and nearly all other animals, so she's basically the world's biggest hazard to society. She's a good girl, I love her." Y/N explained between sips of coffee as she stared wistfully past the the frame of the camera, where it could be assumed Cali had gone.
Abruptly an alarm went off and Y/N threw her head back with a groan.
"That means I have to get in the shower and get ready so I can leave on time," she said, before taking a few more sips of coffee. "I'm going to go do that, and the next time you'll hear my beautiful voice will be at the Melbourne Airport! Cue the travel montage!"
An assortment of clips follow. Y/N is seen dragging her luggage through Heathrow Airport. Y/N is seen ordering another coffee at the airport, finishing the coffee, and ordering another before her flight. Y/N is seen responding to emails from her airplane seat, editing video footage, and responding to instragram and twitter comments. Footage is shown outside the plane window of a cloudy, blue sky and a time lapse is shown as the sky grows beautiful shades of pink and red before becoming a starry-night sky. Y/N is seen cozy in a throw blanket and a travel pillow, presumably asleep with headphones on. Y/N is shown pulling her luggage through the airport once again, with a brand new coffee cup in hand. She smiles, taking a sip before she is seen settled down in a seat in the bustling airport.
"Twenty-two or so hours later and I have finally landed in Melbourne. I'm waiting for my Uber to get here so I can finally be taken to my hotel to drop my stuff off. I have a meeting with the McLaren drivers in two hours, but luckily I slept really well on the plane. I don't know how else I would be able to deal with Lando Norris. I'm going to finish this coffee in order to maximize my tolerance for the next few hours, but I suspect I'll be getting a new coffee before I reach that meeting. My addiction truly knows no bounds," she laughs, trying to ignore the people vaguely shown within frame that are staring at her speaking to a camera.
The camera cuts abruptly and the waiting screen from SpongeBob flashes on the screen, including the narrator's voice reading "2 hours later."
Y/N is shown once again in new clothes, a new coffee cup in hand, and luggage replaced by a small canvas bag. Her comfortable plane clothes have been swapped out for jean shorts and a plain white tank-top. Her hair is clipped back out of her face, and she is adorned with simple gold jewelry and light makeup.
Y/N smiles at the camera as she walks, bustling and talking heard around her, before whispering into the small microphone, "I have arrived at the McLaren garage. It is now time to meet with Lord Lando and workplace mascot Oscar Piastri," the titles slip off her tongue sarcastically and she doesn't bother suppressing an eye-roll.
In the next clip, Oscar and Lando are seen seated on either side of her as they sit in what seems like a board-room. Lando leans over and whispers something that the camera doesn't pick up and Oscar laughs while Y/N grimaces and reaches forward to readjust the camera. When the camera comes back on, Lando and Oscar are seated together on the left of Y/N as she faces on angle toward both them and the camera.
"Don't just sit there and look pretty, say hello to the camera boys," Y/N says and Oscar cackles at the disgruntled look on Lando's face.
"Is that your way of calling me pretty Y/N," Lando chokes out between laughs, and Y/N scoffs with an eye-roll.
"I was actually talking about Oscar, but whatever floats your little papaya boat Norris," Y/N deadpans and Oscar doubles over from the force of his laughter at the pout on Lando's face.
"That's not nice at all, I hope you know that. I think I am sitting here very prettily, thank you very much," Lando says, leaning into the girl next to him to speak into her microphone.
Y/N draws the microphone back, swatting him away, "Yes, yes quite prettily," Y/N mocks in a British accent.
Oscar, still trying to recover, joins in, "Pretty little Lando Norris," and Y/N laughs jovially, reaching across Lando as if the boy weren't there to high-five the Austrialian driver.
"Bullies, the lot of you," Lando mumbles and Y/N brushes off his comment without response before finally facing the camera.
"Anyway, welcome to the first McLaren race weekend vlog. I'm Y/N L/N, the best media manager in the whole god damn world, and this is Lando Norris, the biggest pain in my ass, and Oscar Piastri, the second biggest pain in my ass. How are you feeling about Melbourne boys?" Y/N questions, transitioning smoothly much to the British driver's chagrin.
"Feeling proud to be the second biggest pain in the ass and not the first. Probably the only time i've been glad to get second actually," Oscar comments and Y/N laughs as Lando shakes his head in disappointment.
"But in all seriousness it is good to be home, this is easily my favorite race of the year seeing as it's my home race and i'm looking forward to, hopefully, good results from our team," Oscar supplies and Y/N nods along to his words.
"Yes, Australia, we are in you and we are happy about it," both boys choked out a laugh at the manager's sexual innuendo and Oscar quickly covered his mouth with his hand so as not to react too much. "What about you Lando what are you feeling," Y/N questioned, leaning the small microphone to the boy.
"Feeling like that was a stupid joke. And also like I am going to be getting P1 this weekend. I can feel it in my bones."
"Leave my jokes alone Lando, you're not being paid to be a critic," she scoffed, "and if I recall, you said the same thing in Saudi Arabia not that long ago. What's changed now?"
Lando rolled his eyes, "What's changed is that we're in Australia now and I'm feeling much more confident."
"Well thank god for that," Y/N supplied unhelpfully as Oscar laughed.
"Now, what we really came here for, it's time to film a video for this channel, it's going to be a fan Q and A, I picked the questions. By the time this vlog is up, the QnA should've already been posted. So feel free to stop watching this and to go watch that or whatever," Y/N commented. "After that we're going to film a TikTok challenge," both and Lando and Oscar grimaced, but Y/N ignored their dismay at the idea of fiming yet another TikTok, so cue the montage! Filming time!" Y/N exclaimed and the screen transitioned to a new series of clips.
In the first clip Oscar and Lando were sitting in two chairs while Y/N sat across from them with a set of notecards.
"Lando, this question from user "ln4mania" asks, "Are you and admin actually friends? Or is the online beef real? The people demand answers!" Y/N reads off with a laugh.
"Do you hear that, the people demand answers Lando! Don't keep them waiting!" Oscar and Y/N laugh as Lando shakes his head and tucks his face into his hands.
"There is no beef, guys. Me and admin, or rather me and Y/N are just fine. We hadn't even actually met when that happened," Lando supplied between laughs. Y/N looked at the camera and rolled her eyes with a shake of her head, faux-disagreeing with the boy.
She ignored the simmering pit of disappointment in her stomach. She did in fact have a problem with entitled little Lando Norris who still gave her side-eyed looks and judgmental stares whenever he saw her. If that wasn't humiliating enough, Oscar had clearly noticed it too, which just gave Y/N the feeling that she wasn't being taken seriously at all now that Oscar understood Lando's lack of respect for Y/N. However that didn't matter in the current moment. All that mattered was making this video.
The next clip showed Lando and Oscar sitting at a table with bowls of water in front of them and towels strewn across a chair just within frame of the camera. Y/N stood behind them, hands rested in their hair as she reacted to the prompts being read by someone, an unnamed media intern, off-camera.
"Who is harder to make videos with?" The intern asked and Y/N huffed out a laugh as she let her hands fully grasp Lando's curls and push him into the water quickly. He sputtered, trying to blink the water out of his eyes as Y/N laughed at the wet-puppy dog look he was sporting.
Y/N tried to shake the ridiculous desire to let her hands run through the soft curls underneath her finger tips. Curse Lando and whatever stupidly good, rich-person hair routine he used that made him smell good and look good, and... whatever.
Lando, blinking water out of his eyes, was now undoubtedly certain that being damn-near waterboarded was worth it if it meant that Y/N would laugh like that again. He knew Oscar would harass him again later for being "down-bad" or something along those lines- as he had done every time he caught the man staring-, but as he caught a glimpse of Y/N's bright smile and shaking shoulders, he found he didn't really care.
The next clip showed Oscar, Lando, Y/N, and a laughing media intern as they all dried off- somehow all having become wet through the course of filming. Y/N dried herself off quickly, taking a sip of her newly refilled coffee, not seeing the way that only the camera and Oscar saw Lando stared at her until the driver was nudged back into focus on drying himself off.
A title-card once again came on the screen with white words on a photo collage of Australian grand-prix candids that Y/N had taken, reading "Race montage? More likely than you'd think."
Footage was shown of the free practice sessions. Oscar and Lando getting in and out of their cars. Engineers along the pit wall going over data. The team speaking incoherently, going over the game plan for Sunday's race. Oscar and Lando greeting fans, signing merch, and posing for photos. Y/N smiling and waving at a cheering crowd of people before staring at the camera incredulously with a small caption reading: "Omg she's famous your honor". More clips showed Lando laughing as Oscar tossed grapes and Lando moved to catch them with his mouth. Lando nearly choking as Y/N cackled in the background. Multiple clips showing Y/N with a fresh coffee, and another... and another, as Oscar's face in the background grew with concern. Zak Brown explaining to Y/N the dangers of caffeine overdose, and the need for moderation. Y/N explaining to Zak Brown that without coffee she would simply collapse and die, which the camera showed did nothing to ease her concern. Y/N getting caps signed by the drivers for fans and walking away with intricate friendship bracelets decorating her wrists.
And finally footage of the race. The engineers in the garage. The pit-crew changing tires. The cars racing past as Y/N watched attentively. Footage of the crowd as they cheered when the cars whizzed past. Smiling faces of fans. Y/N's cheers as Oscar and Lando passed. The smiling faces of McLaren employees as Lando and Oscar crossed the checkered flag in P6 and P8 respectively.
Y/N accepting hugs from both drivers, ignoring the burning sensation in her stomach as Lando wrapped his arms around her with a smile and a laugh. Y/N calling Lando smelly and telling him to go wash off if he wants to hug her next time, and him rolling his eyes at her fondly before making a face at the camera. The podium celebration is shown and Y/N smiles as the anthem plays, even though it's not for her own team.
The final clip is shown of Y/N in her hotel room, comfortable in sweats as she sits on the unmade bed.
"Not bad results this week guys! P6 for Lando and P8 for Oscar, which are good points for the team. I'm happy on my end, I think we got some good content filmed, and I am now ready to go to sleep so I can get home to Cali and my own bed quicker. I hope you enjoyed this video, and if you didn't don't tell me because I don't care!" Y/N jokes with a smile.
"Hopefully I will see you all at the next race, if not the race after that! Bye papaya fans, and be sure to follow us on instagram and all of the other social platforms!" Y/N exclaimed, gesturing to the list of the social media handles that appeared on her right hand side.
And with that, the camera cut to black.
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liked by oscarpiastri, maxverstappen1, and 29,145 others
ynusername afraid to report that i fought jetlag and lost 😔 i did sleep for 25 hours straight after melbourne and i had no clue where i was when i woke up! shout out cali for waking me up 🙏🏼 best friend frl
9,547 comments
bsfusername i'm going to try not to be offended by that caption (love you bb cali) but FUCK YOU CAUSE I BOUGHT YOUR ASS BREAKFAST
ynusername my bad! s/o to that bomb ass omlette 🤩
bsfusername never doing shit for you again
user34 that vlog was god tier, how long did that take
ynusername it took 7 hours of editing and years off my life, thanks so much for asking 🥳
maxverstappen1 thanks again for those podium photos! you have a gift for photography 💪🏻
ynusername don't mention it! 👍🏼
ynusername (no seriously, mclaren might behead me)
mclaren beheading is so last year. firing squad. 🗣️
user35 not y/n threatening herself 💀
oscarpiastri suprised your body didn't naturally wake up for coffee
ynusername it did! just 25 hours later
user36 your poor cat was literally starving for a whole day? youre a horrible owner
ynusername let me introduce you to god's greatest creation: the automatic feeder!!! i'm sure they can mail one to whatever fucking rock you live under!
user37 PERIODDDD
user38 me personally? i'd never log on again
user39 she needs a personal channel 🙏🏼🙏🏼 i'd subscribe
user40 her cat is so cute 😭😭😭 gimme that
ynusername 🫵 STAY BACK HEATHEN, NO ONE TOUCHES CALI AND LIVES
user40 my bad fam 🧍🏻���♀️
user41 i want someone to love me as much as she loves that mean ass cat
landonorris don't you have a job to be doing 💀💀 she slept through a full work day
user42 lando always on her ass and for whattttt
user43 obsessed obsessed obsessed
ynusername i had the day off! but not the guy who was streaming video games coming for me 🥱 talking bout get a job
user44 lando and y/n beefing on insta again? we're so back
user45 at this point instagram comment beef isn't enough, they need to duel or some shit
user46 the caffeine addiction almost got her guys
ynusername i wish it would, then i wouldn't have to work with lando's annoying ass
landonorris I CAN SEE YOUR COMMENTS???
ynusername THAT'S THE POINT
user47 honestly just give her a gun atp, these men test her too damn much
━━━━━━ ༻✩₊⋆☾⋆⁺✧༺ ━━━━━━
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user48 NURSE 🫵 SHE'S RIGHT HERE
user49 no fr, like let's get back to bed grandma
user50 OP, are you concussed?
user51 no actually cause didn't y/n just say she wanted to khs working with him 💀💀
pastryboy81 that sign can't stop me, because i can't read!
user53 OK I ACTUALLY SEE THE VISION
user54 ARE YOUR EYES CLOSED???!1!1
user55 i fear i totally get it 😔
user56 it's giving enemies to lovers, secret relationship type vibe lowkkkk
user57 no deadass like he hugged her reallll tight
user58 she also hugged oscar 😭😭?? and he has a whole gf
user59 the way she shoved him off and told him he reeked not 5 seconds after 💀 delusion is a disease yall
user60 someone call the f1 gossip pages cause 😗
user61 more like someone call the ward cause somethings real off with yall 🤨
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━━━━━━ ༻✩₊⋆☾⋆⁺✧༺ ━━━━━━
sorry that this update took forever, i had surgery and recovery has been rougher than i expected! hope you enjoy!!
please leave your thoughts in the comments and feel free to drop a request for your fav in my asks <3
-
𝙩𝙖𝙜 𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩
@lemon-lav @slutforpopculture @m4rt10ne @urfavsgf @sadsierra2 @96jnie @sltwins @poppyflower-22 @alliumiae @livelovesports @liberty-barnes @the-holy-trinity-l @iliwyss @awritingtree @redpool @elliotts1one @velentine @chaoticmessneutralplease @5sospenguinqueen @charizznorizz @2pagenumb @mxdi0 @cwiphswmwasohmm @tremendousstarlighttragedy @lnspipedrm @itseightbeats @tinycoffeeroom @woozarts @personwhoisther @a-beaverhausen @love-simon @annabellelee @ravisinghs-wife @chezmardybum @greantii @weekendlusting @monserelates @sapphiccloud @halleest @deamus-liv @gigigreens @morenofilm @laneyspaulding19 @lanireadss @dear-fifi @moldyshorts1997 @oliviarodrigostan13 @eugene-emt-roe @ilivbullyingjeongin @im-a-ghost666
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cameronsprincess · 7 days ago
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Hi angel 🖤 can you do a fic or a blurb of baby daddy!Rafe who isn't with reader but still sees her as his regardless? Jealousy, Smut anything you're willing to write
Pls pretty pls
baby daddy!rafe is so sexy to me, add in them not being together but him still being possessive and jealous! yeah! sign me tf up!!
CW: smut! 18+ only! baby daddy!rafe, mean!possessive!rafe, strong language, rafe gets slightly physical with someone, public sex, choking, backshots, maybe slight breeding kink (rafe threatens to put another baby in you).
masterlists
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the night had been going well, your baby was with your mom, and you were out with some friends, trying to let loose from the long week you’d had. you’re sitting at the bar, drink in hand when a man approaches you, charming smile played on his lips.
“hey there, pretty. can i buy you a drink?”
you bite your bottom lip, your friends giggling behind you before they saunter off to the dance floor, leaving you alone with the man. giving him a coy smile, you nod your head, “sure, why not?”
he smiles widely, waving the bartender down before asking what you’d like and placing the order. the bartender quickly makes your drink, handing it to you as the man pays and tips her. his attention is fully on you once again.
“my names adam,” he says with that same pretty smile, holding his hand out for you to take. you gently place your hand in his, sipping at your drink as you introduce yourself.
he smiles at the sound of your name, his pretty green eyes burning into you as you continue sipping on your rum and coke. “so, what’s a pretty girl like you doin’ here all by herself?” adam asks, scooting himself closer, his right hand finding your bare thigh.
you slightly tense at his touch, but quickly let it go, deciding to play along and see where the night goes. you open your mouth to reply, but an all too familiar deep voice cuts in.
“she’s not here alone, and you’re touching something that doesn’t belong to you.”
your face turns bright red, cussing under your breath at the sound of your baby daddy’s voice. rafe cameron. why is he everywhere you are?
you turn in your seat, eyes landing on rafe’s blue ones. he stares down at you, a lopsided smirk on his lips before he returns his stare to adam, expression turning angry. adam chuckles, removing his hand from your leg before he stands, matching rafe’s stance.
“she never told me she was here with anyone, even let me buy her a drink.. so, does she really belong to you, buddy?”
rafe lets out a dark laugh, quickly grabbing adam by his shirt collar and pushing him into the bar, stools being knocked to the ground in the process.
“first off, i’m not your ‘buddy’, and secondly, she’s the mother to my daughter, so, you wanna ask me something fuckin’ stupid again?”
you try and push your way between the two men, but it’s no use, rafe is a brick wall, unmoving. rafe shoots you a look that says ‘sit back down’ and you quickly obey. why does he still have this kind of control over you? it’s been seven months since the two of you split up, you left him when your daughter was two months old because he wasn’t good to you, but yet, every day since then, he’s everywhere you are, he’s always running men off, not allowing anyone to get even remotely close to you. it wasn’t fair. you knew he was fucking other women, so why the hell couldn’t you move on? why the fuck did he think he owned you? could control you?
adam throws his hands up in surrender, his eyes darting between you and rafe. “alright, alright, calm the fuck down, dude. i’m going.”
rafe releases him, shoving him back again before he smiles, tapping at adam’s cheek twice, “smart man. now, run along, i’m sure there’s plenty of bitches in this bar who wouldn’t mind going home with you.”
adam quickly leaves the situation, leaving you there with your toxic fucking baby daddy. you quickly stand, stepping into rafe fast and punching him in the chest, but he only laughs.
“what the fuck is wrong with you?” you shove at his chest again, but this time he grips both your wrists in his right hand, stopping your assault. “why can’t you ever just leave me alone? huh? it’s been seven months, rafe! we have zero reason to interact unless it’s about charlotte.”
rafe uses his grip on your wrists to pull you into him, his left hand reaching up to brush a strand of hair behind your ear. he softly runs his index finger down the side of your face, leaning in so close you smell his cologne and the mix of whiskey and mint on his breath.
“let’s get one thing straight, baby. you left me. i didn’t want to break up, but, you left. you’re always, and i do mean always, going to fucking belong to me. understand?”
your nostrils flare and you yank your head to the side, refusing to meet his stare. a laugh rumbles deep in rafe’s chest, his index finger and thumb hooking underneath your chin, forcing your eyes back on him. “i love it when you play hard to get. it really turns me on.”
your pussy pulses and you hate yourself for it. as much as you hate rafe, you never hated the sex, he knew how to please you, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t need him to relieve some pent up stress. your eyes flick down to his lips before quickly rising again, finding his eyes darkened over with lust.
a slow smile spreads across his beautiful face, “say the word, baby. you know i’ll take care of you.”
your breath hitches, thighs pressing together to try and dull the ache you felt in your clit. rafe leans further into you, his lips brushing against yours. you suck in a shaky breath, “fine. i- i need you. but just for tonight, rafe. i’m serious.”
rafe smiles against your lips, pulling back and showcasing his perfect teeth. he releases your wrists, grabbing your hand in his and quickly pulling you to a dimly lit hallway, going straight for the men’s restroom. he pulls you inside the small bathroom, shutting and locking the door behind him before he’s pushing you into the wall, his lips attacking yours.
you roll your hips into him, moaning against his mouth, allowing him to slip his tongue into your mouth. rafe groans, his right hand running up the front of your body and to your neck. he tightly wraps his hand around your throat, squeezing lightly. “god i fuckin’ love hearing you whimper for me,” he kisses you harshly again, sucking your bottom lip into his mouth before pulling off with a pop. “you gonna let me fuck you like the little whore i know you to be, baby?”
you nod your head, whispering a small ‘yes’ before reaching down and popping the button of his jeans, working his zipper down next. rafe smirks, his own hands going to work on getting your jeans off. “so needy, my girl ain’t been fucked in a while has she?”
“no, but you already knew that seeing as you run any man who tries to come into my life off.” you retort, rolling your eyes.
rafe chuckles, shaking his head before he’s harshly shoving your jeans down your thighs, letting them pool around your ankles. he drags you toward the small white sink in the room, spinning you around so you’re facing the mirror. your hands grip at the cool porcelain, your neck arched back to look at rafe through the mirrors reflection.
he grins back at you, shoving his jeans and boxers down as well before he grips himself in one hand. his free hand reaches around your body, ring-clad fingers wrapping around your throat as he slowly strokes himself. he grunts, his strokes slow and deliberate.
“can’t wait to feel your perfect pussy wrapped ‘round me again.. s’been too long, baby.”
he slides your panties to the side, slowly running his tip through your slick folds, coating his length in your arousal before he slowly presses himself into you. you moan, back arching into him as he pushes himself inside you slowly, bottoming out with a raspy groan and a call of your name.
he snaps his hips into you, his balls slapping against your clit with each thrust. he tightens his grip on your throat, using his hold on you to pull you flush into him. your back arches head resting on his shoulder as he squeezes on your throat, his dick brutally thrusting up into you.
“feels so fuckin’ good, don’t you miss it? i know you miss me filling this pussy every day baby.”
you let out a strangled moan, pushing your hips back and meeting each of his thrusts. rafe leans into you, his body pressing firmly against yours as he continues his brutal pace. his teeth nip at your earlobe, sucking it into his mouth as he inhales your scent. his eyes meet your tear-filled ones in the mirrors reflection, “think i might just put another baby in you, you want that baby?”
a tear slips down your face, your pussy clenching around his dick at his words. you manage to choke out a ‘no’, your head shaking side to side the best you could manage. rafe laughs darkly in your ear, his thrusts slowing. he pulls out to the tip, slamming forward again, a raspy groan escaping him when your pussy squeezes at his cock.
releasing your throat, rafe continues to fuck himself inside you slowly, making sure you feel every inch of him sliding in and out. your head falls forward, hair hanging in your face as white hot pleasure wracks through your body, “r-rafe! ffffuck… ‘m.. gonna cum..” you cry out.
rafe breathes out a sigh, “i know baby. make a mess on my cock like you used to.”
he pushes in deep, the head of his cock hitting at your g-spot, and your pussy flutters around his length. blinding white covers your vision as your legs shake, your orgasm wracking through your body, soaking rafe’s cock and thighs.
he groans, his hips stuttering before his dick pulses inside you, “shiiiiittt… gonna fill this pussy up baby, make you swollen with my baby again— fuck!”
rafe thrusts himself in deep, filling you completely before he’s filling you up in slow spurts, your pussy clenching and unclenching around him, milking him for every drop. he holds himself inside you, riding out both your highs before he slowly pulls out of you, his lips softly kissing at your shoulder as he does.
you quickly shove away from him, pulling your jeans back up and straightening yourself out. you’re breathing is heavy, legs still shaking from the intense orgasm. you need to get out of here, now. you turn for the door, your hand reaching out to turn the lock, but rafe’s hand on your stops you. your body tenses, “rafe, i have to go.”
he presses a kiss to your cheek, leaning in close to your ear and whispering, “that’s fine, but remember what i said. you will always belong to me, baby. it’s time you stop running from it.”
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tagging a few ppl: @starkeysbabygirl @rafesthroatbaby @whytheylosttheirminds @rafesheaven @rafesbabygirlx @nemesyaaa @hauntedfawnn @rafescorpsebride @oceandriveab @maybanksangel @maybankslover @drewsarms @jjsbaby
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hiiikiko · 19 days ago
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𝖘𝖜𝖊𝖊𝖙 𝖆𝖘 𝖈𝖆𝖓 𝖇𝖊
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pure smut tbh, bully!ellie x reader
tw: bully!ellie, sweet!reader, sadistic notes, maschistic notes, and maybe a few more idk lol
Ellie hated you, she couldn’t put her finger on why, though. Maybe it was the stupid bows in your effortlessly curly hair, the way those pretty long lashes would bat up at her when she slammed you into a locker, or maybe… maybe it was the fact that you just had to be so fucking sweet to everyone, sweet as can be.
She bit harder on the wood of her No.2 pencil, her eyes boring a hole into the back of your head where that stupid fucking pink bow was sitting, her mind not even attempting to listen to whatever the professor was saying. Her mind was still reeling from she had witnessed earlier, you and that stupid boy flirting near the water fountains, or at least that’s what it looked like.
“Class is dismissed,” the professor’s dull voice echoed throughout the classroom.
You quickly collected your things and stuffed it into your backpack, your mind focused on getting out of there as soon as possible, before you-know-who corners you and escaping into the safety of your room.
You were so, so close to sweet freedom when she-who-must-not-be-named swooped in front of you, grabbing you by the collar like a mama lion would carry her baby cub but this time, she was the lion and you were the poor gazelle with your neck in her mouth.
“Hey Ellie,” you nervously laugh and tuck a strand of your hair behind your ear, mouth running dry as her piercing green eyes rake over you.
You had no clue why she hated you so much. You were a complete sweetheart to everyone, never even accidentally stepped on someone’s toe when making your way through the crowded seats of your lecture halls and yet, this girl, hated your guts.
“Yeah, hey,” her eyes narrowed at your outfit, she clearly had a distaste for the frills, lace, and pink, “Need a favour.”
You knew that a favour from Ellie wasn’t a favour at all, it was and order, “Okay, what is it?”
She scoffed, she couldn’t believe how easy this was, “Come over to my dorm, room 328, Saint Cal Hall, need help with classowork.”
She nodded at you and left the classroom. Ellie smiled as she made her way to her next class, how could you be so fucking sweet to her, your bully? She shook her head.
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Ellie’s dorm was clean.. surprisingly. Maybe you stereotyped her a bit too hard.. you had assumed that all jocks were assholes who left their socks strewn all over and waited for the weekends for their moms or girlfriends to clean up their dorms.
Studying went well.. until..
“Why were you talking with that frat boy,” she crossed her arms and leaned into the chair of her desk.
You racked your brain for a frat boy… frat boy… “Oh! Liam? I was just giving him some advice on Professor Edwards class since I took it last semester,” you truthfully admit.
“That so?” she scoffed, not buying it.
“Mhm,” you hum out, your body tensing under her gaze.. you couldn’t deny it, Ellie was objectively attractive, hell, she was hot. The way her hair was messy but in an effortlessly cool way, her piercing gaze that never seemed to falter, the way she was so close, you could count the freckles on her face, the way—.
“So you couldn’t see the way he was looking at you? He was obviously eye-fucking you,” she scoffs and eyes you up and down, “You can’t even blame him when you’re wearing a skirt that short.”
Your cheeks flushed red and tears began to prick the corners of your eyes, you should be used to the bullying by now, right? But you weren’t, if anything you had gotten more and more sensitive.. and Ellie noticed that.
“I don’t need this,” you mutter and make your way to the door.
“Aw, you crying?” she laughed dryly and pushed herself off the chair, circling you like a vulture, “Did that hurt your feelings? God, grow up.”
You wiped your tears with your sleeve and sniffle, “I’m not crying.”
The way your lashes glistened with tears stirred something deep within Ellie, “God, you’re too sweet.”
You cocked your head in confusion…. ‘too sweet?’
“What do you mean by that?” you wipe another tear away.
“You really wanna know what I mean?” she took a step closer to your front, her pale hand wiping away your fat teardrops.
You weren’t sure how to answer but then you hesitantly nod.
Within one quick motion, Ellie looks the door and with her other hand, pulls you in by your neck, hungrily kissing you, a small groan escaping her pretty lips.
You were confused, this girl who has bullied you since Freshman year is now kissing you, causing your knees to buckle as you wrap your arms around her to hold yourself up.
“You’re so fucking annoying,” she growled out and pushed you up against her bed, her hands lifting you up onto it while she nipped at your neck, “Too fucking sweet for your own good,” she muttered against your neck.
Right now, all Ellie could think of was you… the way you always smiled at your fellow classmates, the way you didn’t notice the fluttering touches that the boys in the class would leave on you. In her own sadistic way, this was almost a way to teach you a lesson, to teach you that not everyone should be treated in such a sweet manner, that not anybody can be trusted.. if it meant protecting you, she was willing to play the big bad wolf.
She roughly pulled up your skirt and moved the thin fabric of your panties to the side, her fingers grazing against your folds, “You’re so fucking wet,” she laughs cruelly, “You really getting off on this?”
Your cheeks flared red, “N-No.”
“Liar,” she laughed and pushed two fingers in, earning a sharp gasp from you. Even in this case, she was as cruel as ever.
“E-Ellie,” you whimper and move your hips so she could reach deeper.
She turned her head to not-so-subtly sniff your strawberry scented hair, groaning at the sweet smell. Everything about you is so sweet, she angled her hand in a way that would make her two fingers move further into your sweet pussy, her fingers pushing up against that sweet spot deep within you, “What? Feelin’ good?”
You eagerly nod, you were already so close, you were clenching so hard around her, “I-I’m gonna—.”
She rolled her eyes, “Already? Don’t you fucking dare, you’ll cum when I tell you to.”
She was being so mean and both of you knew it but you couldn’t deny that you didn’t like it.
Ellie knew she had to teach you a lesson like, come on. You came all the way across campus to her dorm to tutor her? To tutor your fucking bully? Get real, you were too fucking naive for your own good and like that saint she is, Ellie decided to teach you a very much needed lesson.
She moved her fingers faster, rougher, causing your eyes to flutter shut. Your hands desperately balled the sheets up into your fist, desperately trying to find anything to keep you grounded. You were so close, you were going to—.
Just as you were about to be pushed over the edge, she pulled her fingers out, they were slick and wet, “You’re such a pathetic girl,” she laughs and licks her fingers clean, “but you taste so sweet.”
“Get on all fours,” she said, roughly turning you over and watching as you get up.
You heard faint rusting and a drawer opening, you glanced back to see Ellie with a strap on tied around her.
She climbed onto the mattress and pushes you down, holding your hands against the mattress so that your face was flat against the bed as she rammed the strap into you.
You let out a loud cry at the harsh thrusts, tears pricking your eyes as your eyes rolled back.
“Gotta stop being so fucking sweet,” Ellie groans, emphasizing each word with a sharp thrust, her hand roughly circling your aching clit while the other pushed your head deeper into the mattress.
All you could do was cry out ‘I’m sorry’ and ‘won’t do it again’ over and over.
She growled at your pathetic babbling, “You’re so fucking weak.”
You whimpered, you never really cared for how harsh she could be but… it was a completely different story if it was in bed.
“You like how mean I am, baby?” she laughed as she felt you clench around the strap.
You nod, too fucked out to care about what you just admitted.
“Yeah?” she whispered against your neck, placing a soft kiss on the back of it.
“Y-yeah,” you whimper.
“You like being fucked by your bully?” she laughed and went harder, bullying the strap deeper inside you.
You couldn’t hold it in anymore, your vision turned white as you fell apart on the strap, your body shaking from the intensity of your orgasm.
As your brain came out of that fuzzy bliss, you heard Ellie laughing softly, “You’re way too sweet.”
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romanarose · 2 months ago
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My Wife, My Wife, My Wife.
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Protective!Logan Howlett x f!reader
Join my taglist : Masterlist
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Summary: You're pregnant and take your new husband, Logan, to Thanksgiving with your family. Logan isn't too happy with how you are treated.
Warnings: Toxic families, comments on eating and weight, pregnancy, Roman's daddy and mommy issues.
Dividers by @sister-lucifer
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"Dinners ready!" Your moms voice calls out from the kitchen. You'd spent much of the day helping her get the food ready, but needed rest away from the heat. Your pregnancy had made you sensitive to the heat, and Logan always made sure you rested plenty.
Logan takes your arm, helping you off the couch and to the table with strong but gentle guidance. He's always gentle with you, but especially so now that your pregnancy has reached month 8 it was even more so.
Your dad took his seat at the head of the table, the rest of the family filing around the seating, filling up both the adult and kids table to it's max.
"Ladies, why don't we let you guys go ahead and get the mens food first, then we can get the kids." Mom instructs, and the adults and cousins and your sister get up to get their mens meals. You lock eyes with Logan as you start to get up, rolling them with him as he smiles. You did not mind serving Logan, in fact you enjoyed doing things like that for him. Logan was a good husband, he took care of you and you liked to take care of him. But it was the fact your mom expected you to, and that it was the men that always got food first at the table. That's not how it worked in yours and Logans home.
Logan doesn't let you get up, placing a firm hand on your thigh as you smirk up at him. This was going to annoy your mom. "I got it, baby."
Your mom, as predicted, turned to Logan with that clipped but cheerful tone she uses when there is company. "Oh don't worry Logan, she can get it."
"It's alright ma'am" Logan smiles thats disarming smile. He's so handsome, when he smiles its hard to argue. "My wife is pregnant, I think I can handle getting our plates."
Logan gets you first, asking you a few questions here and there 'you want a lot of mac and cheese?' but mostly knowing what you like. You sit in your seat simply glowing as the women in line glance enviously towards you. Their husbands would never. They get plates for their men, then their children, then themselves.
When the table goes around saying what they are thankful for, Logan proudly says, "my wife, and our son" and plants a kiss on your cheek. You feel a little embarrassed you went before him and said modern medicine, but your pregnancy hadn't exactly been easy, so you had your reasons.
When it was time for desert, you asked Logan to get you whipped cream on your cherry pie, which of course your mother had something to say about.
"I don't think that's a good idea, honey." she says quietly next to you.
You glare at your mom, shoveling a large scoop of pie into your mouth. "I'm growing a baby, mom."
"Oh, and the whipped cream provides much needed nutrition?"
Logan leans over, spraying a massive amount of whipped cream onto the pie, spilling over onto the plate.
"If my wife wants whipped cream, whipped cream she'll get."
You make sure to hum in contentment as your mom eats a small slice of pumpkin. No whipped cream.
Your dad, of course, had ignored you most of the day. Ever since you got with Logan, he couldn't act the way he usually did with you, making him one of your dads uhhhhhh less liked people. He couldn't cross your no hugging boundary anymore, Logan always standing protectively close and his arm around you when you said hello's and goodbyes. He couldn't make subtle digs about your hair or tattoos anymore. You never even had a chance to argue anymore, Logan took care of it.
Still, as the evening went on and the alcohol poured (for everyone but you.) he started speaking more freely.
"I bet you're relieved to be having a son, aren't you Logan?"
Your body immediately tensed, and Logan didn't fail to notice. "I don't know what you mean. I'm happy to be having a baby, the sex doesn't really matter."
"I just mean," His mouth is full of chex mix. "You know how women are. Having a daughter can be a lot. They are so dramatic, and god, when they are teenagers-"
"May I remind you you're speaking about my wife when you talk about your daughter?"
Your dads face settle into a hard line. "You know, this whole 'my wife' bit is getting old. You've been married over a year, I think you can act like a normal couple now."
You scoff. "Act like what? make a bunch of jokes about how we hate each other? Surprise, dad, if I didn't like him I wouldn't be married to him."
"See what I mean?" He laughs, ignoring you and turning to Logan. "Women, always putting words in your mouth, pretending you said things you didn't. Just be happy you're having a boy."
Logan squeezed your hand. "I'm happy I'm having a boy because I'm happy we're starting a family. Respectfully, I'd appreciate if you stopped talking about my wife like she's some kind of burden, because she's not."
He laughs again. "C'mon, you're telling me you like it when she she cries at every little thing, or when she gets pissed off for leaving the toilet seat up? It doesn't drive you crazy that she can't wake up early enough to make breakfast? You like when she dresses like a-"
"That's enough!" Logan stands abruptly, and your eyes go wide, hoping he doesn't go too far... but when it comes to you, he's fiercely protective. "I don't mind her crying because it tells me she feels safe enough to show her emotions. She doesn't get mad at me for leaving the toilet seat up because I simply don't do it. She doesn't have to wake up and make me breakfast because this isn't fucking 1955, and I swear to god if you make one more comment about her appearance i will-"
He stops as soon as he feels your hand on his back.
Logan wraps his arm around your waste, guiding you towards the door. "C'mon baby, lets go home." He helps you put on your shoes, kneeling down at your feet without shame to help you slide them on. Before he leaves, Logan turns to face your dad again, unsheathing his claws "Do not ever disrespect my wife again, do you understand?"
Your dad gulped, and nodded.
When you and Logan get outside and close the door, you both burst into laughter.
"Lo!" You exclaim, Logan holding onto you so you don't slip on the snow. "That was a bit excessive, don't you think?" but you were giggling still.
"Nothings too much for my wife." He kissed your cheek, grinning, before opening the car door. When he slides in his side, he finds you smiling fondly at him.
"You know, I used to dread family events. Now i don't have to worry about a thing."
"And you never will. You and our son are never gonna have to worry about anything, okay? Not with me around. And that includes your annoying ass dad."
Once again, the two of you cackle with laughter as he drives off towards home.
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happy thanksgiving if you celebrate!!!
I opted to NOT go home for the holidays THANKS 1. my family is a mess 2/ they are 2 hours away 3. I AM STILL FUCKING SICK!!!! i have bronchitis not and its awful. I woke up coughing so hard i vomited. good times.
I went to my friends place though! I love her family. then after lunch i was tired and sick and laid down in the spare bedroom for an hour. then i tried to get though dessert and some games but i had a coughing fit and just had to leave :((( but my friend sent me home with homemade soup and bread!
anyway, if your family makes you feel like shit, fuck em! not literally.
i'm going to bed now. After looking it all up, the best thing i can do to help is drink tea with honey, lots of water, and sleep so thats what im doing
503 notes · View notes
katsu28 · 10 months ago
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for you i'd wait forever
pairing: bradley "rooster" bradshaw x reader
summary: bradley breaks things off with you before a deployment because he doesn't want you to worry about him (4.2k)
warnings: some swearing, bradley's commitment issues, happy ending i promise!
a/n: okay so from what i gathered from my googling is that tapping out is typically for new military graduates (i think?) but this idea was so cute so pls forgive the inaccuracies i have no idea what i'm doing at all <3 and also pls forgive me for the utter lack of writing since the beginning of the year, these last few months have been brutal (creatively and otherwise) but i am hopefully back!!! xx
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Bradley thought he knew the tolls of being in the Navy. It was tough on not only him, but the people in his life. For the most part, he’d always put his career first. His life had always been on a set track, and although there were plenty of setbacks, he forged ahead until he got where he was today. 
And then he met you. Fell in love with you. Finally knew what it meant to have someone in his corner who was just his. Who knew him for him only, not as Goose’s kid, or Mav’s protege.
For the first time in his life, he could actually see himself spending the rest of it with you. Marriage, house, kids, grandkids—the whole shebang.
That was his first mistake. The more he thought about what life could look like with you, the more he thought about what your life could look like without him. What would happen if something happened to him and he didn’t make it back from this next mission coming up in a few weeks. 
He thought about his mom and how she lost his dad—her husband. The man she thought she’d be spending the rest of her life with. 
Bradley’s thoughts grew quite grim after that. Countless what if’s and thinking about every possible outcome and he eventually made up his mind. He had to break up with you. 
He didn’t want to. Not by a long shot. You were probably the best thing that ever happened to him in his thirty plus years of life. But deep down, he knew that it was the right thing to do. He was about to leave for six, seven months, with little to no contact with anyone who wasn’t Navy. That would definitely take a toll on your relationship. You’d never been through something like this before, and there really was no way to prepare you for what it would be like. 
You would worry about him every single hour of every single day, he knew that for a fact. Bradley barely remembered what it was like when his dad was away because he was so young, but he did remember how worried his mom was all the time.
Looking back, he understood now. He didn’t want that for you. The worry would hold you back from other things you wanted to do in life, things that brought you joy and gave you purpose. 
With the mission creeping up on him faster than he would’ve liked, he knew he had to do it sooner rather than later. 
That was how Bradley found himself on your doorstep right now, pushing down his guilt by telling himself over and over that breaking up with you was in your best interest. He hadn’t called beforehand to tell you he was coming by, so when you answered the door and beamed brighter than the stars when your eyes landed on him, he almost wanted to chicken out. 
“Hi!” You exclaimed, immediately pulling him into a warm hug. His arms closed around you out of instinct, thumb rubbing over the sliver of exposed skin at your waist, nose nudging its way against your neck the way he always did when you embraced him. 
He inhaled the scent of the lotion you loved to use, that flowery one that sometimes made him sneeze. You always said you’d buy a different one the next time you went to the store, but you always forgot. He didn’t mind it at all though. A small bout of allergies was nothing compared to the inevitable smattering of apology kisses you pressed to his face when you realized you’d forgotten. 
Fuck, this was going to be way harder than he thought. 
Your hands made their way up his biceps to cup his cheeks, eyes darting around his face. “What’re you doing here? Oh my god, did we have something planned? I’m so—” 
“No.” He gave his head a shake, offering you a smile. “No, we didn’t have anything planned. I just…wanted to see you. To talk to you.” 
“Come in, come in, I was just about to start dinner,” You hummed, escaping his embrace with an arm hooked through his to tug him over the threshold. “Trying a new recipe I found the other day, not sure if it’ll turn out good or end up being a shitshow, but—well, you can help me be the judge of that, I guess!” 
“Is it okay if we talk first?” 
If you were confused, you didn’t show it, just changed direction seamlessly, making your way to the couch instead of the kitchen. You sat down, patting the cushion next to you for him to settle on and he did, rubbing his clammy palms against his thighs. 
“Is everything okay?” 
Everything was far from okay, he wanted to say. Instead he inhaled a deep breath before his next words. 
“I wanted to tell you I’m shipping out in a few weeks.” 
Your face fell a little, but you nodded thoughtfully. “Okay. What do we do? Is there anything you can tell me? Like, what’s the best way to get in touch with you, when’s the best time, that kind of stuff? Or is sending letters better? Sorry, I feel like I’m asking a lot of questions. I don’t—I’ve never really done anything like this before, so—” 
“I think we should break up.” He blurted. 
You hesitated before answering, blinking at him like you’d somehow heard him wrong. “What?” 
“It’s hard having someone overseas for a long time, even more so when it’s a partner. It was really hard on my mom, and hard for me having to watch her worry like that for months, and I—I don’t want that for you.” He said quietly, not daring to meet your eyes until he gave his poor excuse for an explanation on why he was doing the one thing he swore he wouldn’t do to you. 
The moment he’d realized he’d fallen in love with you, he’d promised himself he would never abandon you, never break your heart or your trust, and here he was, doing that exact thing. It was tearing him apart inside. 
“I don’t want you to have to go through all that, so it’s just better if we—that we break up now. Before I go.” 
“What are you doing?” 
“I’m sorry. It’s for the best.” 
“Why are you doing this?” Your voice broke just after the last word, swallowed up by a hitched inhale of a breath that had his resolve wavering just the slightest bit. He could barely look you in the eyes the whole time, and now…he didn’t think he could stand the sadness and hurt flooding every single one of your beautiful features. 
“All the worrying and the uncertainty of not knowing what’s happening, I don’t—it wouldn’t be fair to you. I care about you too much to put you through all of that.” 
You were silent for the longest time, eyes glued to the floor as you processed the information. He thought you were about to start crying with the way your brow creased, but when you finally looked back up at him, your gaze had hardened. “Did these last six months mean nothing to you? You’re just gonna throw everything away because what—you don’t think I can handle it?” 
They meant everything to me, he wanted to say. You mean everything to me. 
If he was really being honest with himself, it was him who couldn’t handle it. Still, he forged on, thinking it best to just rip off the bandaid. He could live with being the asshole if it meant sparing you from the terrible experience of him being god knows how many miles away for months. 
“I’m sorry. I wish you nothing but happiness, Y/N. You deserve better than anything I could ever give you.” 
“You wish me nothing but happiness?” You chuckled humorlessly, shaking your head. Bradley’s eyes tracked you across the room as you paced back and forth, guilt ridden expression on full display. All he wanted to do was take all of it back; to kiss you senseless and tell you everything was going to work out, but he couldn’t. He’d burned the bridge, cut the rope. Broke your heart. He felt like the biggest asshole in the world. He probably was. “Screw you, Bradley. I mean it.”
“I’m sorry.” He repeated, for what seemed like the hundredth time. It was all he could say. 
“Get the fuck out of my house.” 
“Y/N, I—” 
You rushed at him, pushing, shoving, sending him stumbling step by step towards the front door until he almost crashed into it had he not managed to pull it open a split second before you shoved him outside. He’d never forget the look of betrayal in your eyes right before you slammed the door in his face. 
Bradley forced his feet to take him back to his car, then to drive away before he could have a chance to even try and make things better. He’d most likely end up making things much, much worse. Though he didn’t think it could get any worse with the way he was feeling about himself right now. You were angry at him, and you had every right to be. 
But had he lingered at your door only moments after, he would’ve heard the thump against the wood that was you sliding down to the floor and the sob that escaped your mouth. 
All because of him. 
-------
Bradley was happy to finally be coming back home after ages away, but then he realized it—he didn’t have anyone to tap him out this time. His mind jumped to you first, but there was no chance in hell you’d be there for him. You’d probably moved on months ago. Forgotten about him. And with Mav away on another deployment, he really had no one. 
His chest ached the longer he stood at attention, jaw clenched tighter than he meant it to be as he watched the rest of his squad get tapped out by their loved ones. Coyote’s parents, Fanboy’s sisters, Hangman’s nieces and nephews, Phoenix’s girlfriend. They were all emotional reunions, and Bradley was happy for them, he really was. But it sucked being the one with nobody there for him. 
He wasn’t expecting the soft tap on his arm when it came. He thought it was a mistake at first; someone else’s family bumping into him accidentally, so he didn’t move. But when the hand didn’t leave its place wrapped loosely around his bicep, Bradley knew it really was for him. He turned around, squinting against the blinding sunlight to see who’d come for him. 
“Hi.” You said softly, hand dropping back down to your side. He couldn’t help but let himself take you in, eyes drinking in every single achingly familiar detail of you until you shifted nervously under his intense gaze. You looked so beautiful he almost felt dizzy, just like he remembered but at the same time somehow even better. 
“You came.” He said, disbelieving. He could still hardly believe you were actually here. 
“I promised you I would.” 
“But that—that was before…everything happened. Why are you—what’re you doing here?” The last thing he wanted to sound like was ungrateful, because he was quite literally the opposite, but his mind just couldn’t wrap around the fact that despite him breaking your heart seven months ago, you still remembered what you’d promised him in the very beginning of your relationship. 
“What does it mean to tap someone out?” You asked quietly, tracing a finger along the planes of Bradley’s bare chest. Your legs were tangled under the covers, both of you still basking in the aftermath of getting reacquainted with each other again after Bradley had been out of town attending a weeklong training exercise. 
His skin was still damp with sweat, but you didn’t mind one bit, too busy exploring the expanse of muscle shifting under his bronzed skin again. “In military terms, I mean.” 
He chuckled, hiding a content smile into the hair at the crown of your head. “That’s a weird question.” 
“Humor me, Bradshaw.” 
“Yes ma’am.” Bradley stroked a rough palm down the smooth skin of your arm, taking a few beats to come up with an answer that would make sense. “Tapping out is a super long standing tradition in pretty much all military units, I think. It comes at the end of a mission, when we’ve come back to base.” 
His arm repositioned itself under your head as he scooted closer to the warmth radiating from your body, nose nuzzling deeper against you just so he could engrain the smell of your lingering fruity scented shampoo into his memory forever. 
How you still smelled so good even after your…physical activities just before this was beyond him, but he loved it. 
“An aviator’s loved ones are usually the ones to do it. Friends, family, those kinds of people. When you tap out your aviator, literally you’re releasing them from formation. But I guess it’s kind of a gesture that means…you’re home.” 
Your wandering fingers stilled against his skin, lingering right above his heart. “Can I ask you something?” 
“Go for it.” 
“Who usually taps you out?” 
Bradley remained silent. It was an innocent question, he knew that. He’d told you a little bit about his parents, and you were just curious. Still, it sent a pang of sadness through his chest whenever he thought about what it would’ve been like if they were still around today. 
He cleared his throat, sniffing once. “Usually Mav. Or sometimes one of my squad’s family. If no one can, I just gotta wait til everyone else is done.” 
“I wanna do it.”
“What?” 
“I’m gonna be there next time you come back from a mission. To tap you out.” 
“I appreciate it, honey, I do. But you don’t need to.” 
“I want to.” You said firmly, pulling away from him to prop yourself up on your elbow and look him in the eye. You looked damn serious too. He raised a quizzical brow. “You said that to tap someone out means to tell them they’re home. I want to be the one to tell you you’re home. Here. With me.” 
Bradley opened his mouth like he was going to say something, then snapped shut when no words came out. He really was at a loss for words. No one had ever done that before. Sure, Mav’s offer was always a good one to fall back on, but Bradley had never had someone he cared about as much as he did about you telling him they were going to be there for him. 
The next best thing he could think of instead of saying anything at all was to kiss you. So he did. 
He pushed himself up towards you, sliding a hand around the nape of your neck and pressing his lips against yours. Not bruisingly hard, but enough to let you know he was all in. The other hand curled around your shoulder, splaying across your back to bring you back in closer to him, until your chests were flush and you could feel his heartbeat thundering under your palm.
He was home. You were his home. 
“I told you I’d be here to tap you out, and I meant it.” You said simply, holding his gaze. “I keep my promises, Bradshaw. Even after the way you left things.” 
Red hot guilt crept its way through his chest like vines, bringing all the memories of the last time you saw each other right back up to the surface, even after how hard he’d tried to shove them all down. If there was one thing he regretted in life, it was how he left you that night. He didn’t think he’d ever forgive himself for that one. 
“I don’t even know what to say, Y/N, I—” 
“Then let me say something.” You blurted, wringing your hands. Bradley nodded instantly, still too dumbfounded to reply. “I’ve been thinking about what I wanted to say to you today for months. I don’t even know if I should.” 
“You should.” He encouraged, nodding quickly. He’d always wanted you to be able to speak your mind with him. “Don’t hold back. Let me hear it.” 
“Okay. Okay, well first of all, you’re an asshole, Bradley.” 
He nodded again. He deserved at least that much. “I am. Absolute asshole, I know.” 
“But I never stopped loving you. Even though I was angry and sad and confused as fuck as to why you would do that to me, I still loved you. And eventually, I realized that it wasn’t anything I did wrong. You were scared. Of losing me, of me losing you. So you decided it was your responsibility to pull the ripcord before you crashed and burned.” Bradley winced slightly at the comparison and you grimaced at your own poor choice in words. “I—sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.” 
“It’s okay. You’re right. You didn’t deserve that.” 
“You said you didn’t want me to worry while you were gone, well, I did that anyways.” You chuckled, like you were remembering a fond memory instead of the constant state of anxiety you’d been in. “But instead of worrying that the man I love might not make it home, I was terrified that if you didn’t come home, I’d spend my whole life replaying our last conversation in my head. Wondering if there was something I could’ve said or done so you wouldn’t have given up on us so easily.” 
“You think that was easy for me? Sweetheart, walking away from you was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do in my whole life.” 
“Sure seemed pretty easy.” You scoffed lightly, only a tad spiteful. A low blow, you realized, when Bradley stiffened for a split second, but you held steady. 
“It wasn’t.” His reply was immediate and firm as could be, but somehow, that didn’t make you feel any better. “You have to understand, breaking things off was the last thing I wanted to do. But I couldn’t—I thought that if I didn’t, you’d wait for me.” 
“I would’ve waited, Bradley! I did wait for you! For you, I'd wait forever because I love you, but you didn’t even give me that choice. You made the decision on your own instead of talking to me about it. That was what hurt the most.”  
“I’m sorry.” Bradley said quietly, reaching out to take your hand. His fingers laced through yours almost tentatively, feeling so familiar but so foreign at the same time. There was a point in your life where you never thought that concept would apply to Bradley. “I never should’ve left like that, I wish I could take it all back.” 
“I think I understand now why you did it. I understand that fear that comes with the experience of losing a loved one like that. But Bradley, you’re not responsible for my feelings. And I don’t care how scared you get, I’m not going anywhere. From now on, we work things out together, no matter what you think is best.” 
“From now on? Does that mean…?” 
“You’re my home, Bradley Bradshaw.”
Bradley took your face in his hands and he kissed you, long and hard, pouring every ounce of pent up feelings he’d been bottling up for the past seven months into it. Pain, fear, love, hope—all of it. You were never one to believe in such emotion being able to convey itself through a simple physical action, but now you could honestly say you understood it. 
Your hands spread across the broadness of his back, fingers pressing into the crisp starch of his uniform like you were afraid of letting him go , even though he was home and everything was okay now. Losing him the first time made you angry. You didn’t even want to imagine possibly losing him a second time. 
He drew back, only far enough to press his lips to your forehead, hands still holding you close as could be. “Thank you for coming.”
“I don’t make a habit of breaking my promises.” 
“C’mon, I wanna introduce you to the squad.” He said softly, lacing his fingers through yours. The way he all but bounded over to the group of aviators a little ways away was almost boyish, as was the excitement in his voice when he approached them. “Hey everyone, there’s someone I want you to meet.” Bradley announced, sliding a hand around to the small of your back. 
Everyone’s eyes turned on you, conversations petering to a gradual stop as they looked between you and Bradley. You shifted nervously, suddenly feeling unsure with all the attention on you, but Bradley’s thumb rubbed along your skin, soothing you just a bit. “This is Y/N. My girlfriend.” 
The tall blond reacted the quickest, snapping loudly before aiming a finger in your direction, along with a shiny smile. “Wait, I know you! You’re the one in that photo Rooster keeps tucked in his helmet. Lemme tell you, he looked at that picture every damn day, it was like—” 
Bradley let out a very forced laugh, aiming a not-so-subtle daggered glare at the other man. “Okay, Hangman! That’s okay, I really don’t think—” 
“You’re a real saint, taking this one back. If I ever pulled the shit he did, my car would’ve been keyed to all hell when I came home.” Hangman chuckled, giving his head a shake. 
“Hangman. Shut. Up.” 
“Don’t tell me to shut up, you shut up!” 
“You’re the only one talking!” 
“Alright, alright, you’re both grown men here,” The dark haired woman sighed, turning towards you. “At least, I hope so.” 
You chuckled at that, casting a glance over at Bradley to find him already looking back at you, the back and forth with Hangman already long forgotten given the way he was smiling at you, like you were the force that made the world go round. Taking you in under his arm, he dotted a kiss to your hairline as your fingers came up to intertwine with his again, watching you interact with his squad like you’d known them for years. 
It was everything he ever wanted. And now that he had it, he’d never be dumb enough to let it go again. 
His mind drifted back to his parents’ fate— how they never got to live out their life together. How there was no guarantee about anything when it came to Bradley’s own fate with you.
And sure, it was scary to be so uncertain about the future, but you’d both climb that hill together when the time came. For now, Bradley could let himself be content. This second chance at a life with you wasn’t one he was planning on taking lightly, not by a long shot. 
“Let’s get off this damn carrier and hit the town! Drinks at the Hard Deck, last one there buys the first round!” Hangman’s drawling voice drew Bradley out of his thoughts, just in time to let the words sink in.
You, on the other hand, stifled a giggle at the sight of seeing a group of full grown adults scatter as fast as Bradley’s friends did. Watching Hangman nearly shove Coyote to the ground upon seeing their cars were parked next to each other was something you’d never not get a kick out of. 
But Bradley, he didn’t seem as worried about it all. In fact, he walked leisurely with your hand firmly in his, swinging both of them between the two of you as you made your way to your own car. 
“Aren’t you worried you’ll be the last one there?” 
“I’ll buy the round, I don’t care.” He shrugged. “I wanna spend some time with my girl.” 
“Your girl.” You hummed, giving his hand a squeeze. “Gotta say, I’ve missed hearing that.” 
“I’ve missed saying it. We’ve got a lot to catch up on, honey. Starting with, do you or do you not have a voodoo doll made in my image that you stabbed with pins when I was away because I broke your heart?” 
You scoffed, letting out a not so attractive snort. “Bradley, I mean this in the most respectful way possible—what the hell are you talking about? Where would you even get that idea?”
“I—uh, I had a dream about it? A few weeks into deployment.” He admitted sheepishly, cheeks burning red in embarrassment. You pressed your lips together, trying not to laugh. “You don’t, right?” 
“Don’t be ridiculous.” You replied, giving his chest a firm pat. You didn’t have a voodoo doll of him, of course, but playing along was worth it just to see Bradley squirm. 
“Wait, wait, wait, but you didn’t say no.” 
“I didn’t.” 
“So you do?” 
“I didn’t say that either. But if you’re not sure, I’d watch yourself the next couple weeks.” 
His brows furrowed in confusion and a bit of fear as he watched you walk away from him with some bounce to your step. “I…really don’t like the sound of that. Hang on, get back here. Explain, please!” 
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droopycoquette · 7 months ago
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Ridin' or Nothin' || Benny Cross x Reader
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Summary: A little exchange of services
Warnings: hella fluff, angst, suggestive content
Word count: 5.1k
|*|
You had been watching him, that much you could admit. Your eyes always caught him on the road, riding around with the wind in his hair. Sometimes you’d even see him walking around with a cigarette tucked between his slightly chapped lips, he was rarely without one. He exuded a sense of danger that both intrigued and scared you. But there was something about the way he moved, rough yet graceful, that made your heart skip a beat whenever he passed by. However, you never dared to approach him, always hiding in the background observing.
You didn’t mind, it was comfortable.
The town was small so it was easy to watch him. Easy to find him even because he was always in the same places. Bar, road, gas station, and occasionally grocery store. That last one was rare though. When you saw him across the aisle looking at bread, you thought you were hallucinating.
It was a rather strange sight; he looked so out of place. A tall, blonde biker in a grocery store with mothers and children, casually looking at bread. You would have giggled if you weren’t so nervous. Your lips slightly parted as you lost motor control of your body, the bag of rolls you held falling out of your hands.
“Shoot,” you muttered as you quickly bent down to pick them, trying to prevent the weird looks from staying on you.
You chuckled nervously as you rose up, giving timid looks to the grandmas and moms looking at you.
“Hello dear,” a high-pitched voice greeted cheerfully, forcing you to shift focus.
Turning around, you came face to face with Mrs. Leonard, a regular at your family’s bakery. She was an older lady having several grandkids that she loved to gush about. But, despite being older, she still had strength that astounded you greatly. You weren’t surprised to see her here, just bummed that she was here now, the only time you had seen biker boy here.
“Hello, Mrs. Leonard,” you smiled. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Oh, likewise,” she smiled back sweetly. “What are you doing looking at rolls, sweety? I couldn’t imagine buying rolls here when I could have yours to eat for free.”
You smile at her compliment, your ears warming.
“I was simply looking. I’m actually looking for ingredients. I’m trying a new recipe for a raspberry curd cake. How’s your son? I heard he’s back in town.”
“That sounds mighty tasty. And oh, he is just wonderful. It’s so nice to see my grandkids. Ya know, ever since they moved to California-”
And she was off. You liked Mrs. Leonard, truly you did, but you could never get used to her never-ending monologues about who-knows-what. She was a cute old lady, though.
As she spoke, you moved to put the rolls back on the shelf, and when you turned to look back at the biker, he was gone. A small crease in between your eyebrows developed as your bottom lip found its way between your teeth. You nibbled on it as you felt disappointment wash over you. However, you quickly masked it with a well-practised smile.
As you wandered the store next to the old lady, your mind wandered back to the handsome biker who had been standing right across the aisle. You perked up slightly as you realised that that was the closest you had ever been to him. You could practically smell the gasoline and cologne that wafted off of him. You had even seen the small freckles on his face and took note of his faint sun-kissed cheeks, just the slightest bit of pink.
This was also the first time you’d seen him without a cigarette.
You felt a tug at the corner of your lips that only stopped when you rubbed it away.
“Dear? Hello? Bun!”
Your eyes snapped to Mrs. Leonard, hearing the nickname given to you by your family.
“Are you alright, bun,” she asked, placing a hand over yours. “You’re awfully quiet.”
“Oh. Yes ma’am. I’m quite alright, just a bit tired is all. No need to worry. What was that you were saying?”
“Oh, yes! Monti, the dreadful boy has been tearing at-”
Her story continued on until you had finished checking out and had to part ways. And when your back hit the seat of your car you let out the biggest sigh of the week. What was supposed to have been a ten-minute grocery run for fresh raspberries and lemon juice had turned into a 45-minute gossiping session. The energy that was supposed to be used to bake that new raspberry curd cake had been exerted to try to keep up with Mrs. Leonard. Now, you’d have to pull from nothing.
Your head slammed into the steering wheel with a groan that was quickly replaced with a yelp when your car horn went off. People entering and exiting the store turned to look at your car in confusion and slight offence.
“Sorry,” you chuckled timidly.
|*|
The next day rolled around, and you were excited to put out your new Raspberry Delight, which is what you had decided to call your new cake. You had been experimenting with this cake for the past two weeks, figuring out what to layer, and how sweet the raspberry curd should be. Should they have a raspberry jam? Was that too much? Perhaps, a layer of crumble? But, last night, you had perfected everything and had gotten the green light from both your mother and your father to sell.
You had decided to sell it in these cute mason jars and had personally tied the little maroon bows on it. You were setting out the last of the baked goods into the little window by the register when the doorbell rang, letting you know that someone had entered the store.
“Good morning,” you greeted cheerfully, from below the register, setting the dirty trays there.
“Good morning,” a gruff voice spoke.
You stood abruptly.
He was here.
Tall, dark, and handsome was here…right in front of you.
You, who probably has flour all over her and who is sweating from the ovens.
“What can I get for you today,” you say softly, looking down and wiping your hands on your apron.
“I couldn’t help but overhear you yesterday, about the raspberry…something cake. It sounded mighty good and I thought I would come by and get it before it sold out.”
“You were listening,” you let out, surprised.
“I sure was missy. I don’t think I’ve ever heard of something so tasty,” he admits with a sly smile.
You couldn’t help but giggle at his statement.
“Okay, one Raspberry Delight, anything else?”
“Is there anything else you would recommend?”
As you let yourself think, the man let himself look at you. You didn’t notice, but the biker’s eyes never left you and one thing he noticed was that your eyes never met his. He didn’t like that. He wanted to look at him. He needed you to look at him.
He saw your eyes light up as you thought of something, making the man smile. And just as you were about to speak, a sharp voice interrupted
“Excuse me.”
The sharpness in your mother’s tone made you bite at the inside of your cheek.
“Good morning, ma’am,” the man smiled politely, despite her cold demeanour.
“We don’t serve customers like you,” your mother bit.
You knew your mother’s opinion on the growing biker gang in town. Your father and your mother both thought that the group of men were a bunch of bums who had no right to be causing such a fuss. They hated The Vandals, almost as much as satan. You recalled nights at the dinner table where your father's anger had boiled over, making him claim to do awful things to the biker gang. What’s worse, your mother had egged him on.
The man’s smile faltered at your mother’s words, but he recovered quickly.
“I just wanted to buy a cake,” he said calmly.
You could see the tension in his posture, the way his eyes flickered between your mother and you.
“Mom,” you said softly. “You always say business is business.”
“Well, this is MY business,” she snapped. “And I reserve the right to refuse service. Get out of my store.”
You felt a mix of emotions swirling inside you - frustration at your mother’s closed-mindedness, and sympathy for the man standing in front of you.
Your eyes met his, and you hoped that he could understand the apology. He nodded towards you, and you watched his jaw feather in annoyance. You felt your heart drop at the realisation that he might blame you.
“I’ll take my leave then,” he said, walking away as he took a cigarette out of the box.
“Yeah, you go on now,” your mother sneered, causing you to flinch.
He didn’t respond as the doorbell dinged.
You watched as the man walked away, his back straight and his steps purposeful. You couldn't shake off the feeling of guilt weighing heavily on your shoulders.
You swallowed in disappointment in yourself and your lack of ability to stand up to your mother and in your mother for her lack of empathy and kindness.
“Don’t you ever talk to them folks again? Ya hear?”
“But-”
“I don’t want to hear it,” she cut you off. “You so much as go near them, and I’ll make sure you don’t leave the house again. You understand me, girl.”
You just looked down, and your mother took that as a yes. She went back to the kitchen, muttering obscenities under her breath, and you went back to setting up for the day, now with a heavy heart.
As the day went on, you found it difficult to concentrate on the daily operations of the bakery. Your hands moved mechanically as you went through the motions of baking, but your heart was heavy with a mix of curiosity and guilt. Each served customer was a reminder of the one you couldn’t serve, the very one you wanted to the most.
“Hey,” your dad said softly. “What’s going on in your head bun?”
“Oh, nothing,” you smiled sweetly, perfectly masking your growing frustration with your parents, the town, and life in general. “Just a little tired is all. I stayed up late trying to come up with a new thing to work on and now that the raspberry cake is done I need something new. I’m going to go make a new batch of the Raspberry Delights.”
You tightened the scarf around your head as you walked back to the kitchen to grab the fresh tray of cookies that needed icing.
“Okay,” your dad called. “But focus! We don’t need you burning yourself again because you were off in Neverland.”
You knew he was joking, but it did nothing but jab the knife a little deeper.
As you began making the base for the cake, you found yourself wondering why you bothered to stay. It was your baked goods in the window, and yet, it was their name on the sign, getting the money, and it was them making fun of you.
Every time you brought up the fact that you wanted a portion of the profits because they were selling your ideas, they had a fit and said, “Your baking isn’t even that good. Since you now have a couple of things in the window, you think you can call the shots, huh? Is that what it is? Well, maybe we’ll just take them out.”
It was empty threats, and you knew it was, your items were some of the best sellers, but it never stopped the fear that entered your system. However, the thought that you might never leave and be stuck here with parents who don’t respect you or your creations scared you more.
A newfound determination lit up in your gut as you baked.
That evening, after closing up, you told your parents you wanted to work on a new pastry that you’d been thinking about and that you’d meet them at home. They had been hesitant but let you stay in the end, telling you to be careful on your way back. You waited a good 20 minutes to make sure they weren’t coming back before gathering up your things and the two freshly made Raspberry Delight jars and locking up the store.
The cool night air brushed against your skin, sending a shiver down your spine, your heartbeat quickening. You hopped on your bike and threw your bag in the basket, careful not to break the glass before you took off down the road. Even a couple of blocks down, you could hear the rumble of engines and the faint sound of laughter from the home of the town’s biker gang.
As you approached the bar, you hesitated, hopping off your bike that suddenly felt childish next to the rows of motorcycles. You could hear the whooping and hollering of the men inside and jumped when you heard the sound of shattering glass followed by laughter.
Your breath left you in small huffs as the chilly night air nipped at your cheeks. The two jars in your bag hit each other softly, causing a ‘clink’ to echo through the empty space. It also caused a surge of resolve. You jogged up to the doors before the newfound confidence disappeared and opened them gently. You entered the bar without making a sound and closed the doors even softer than you had opened them.
The dimly lit bar was crowded with rowdy bikers, their denim jackets adorned with patches and studs that allowed the light to glint off of them. The air is thick with the scent of smoke, sweat, and alcohol. As you stood there, taking it all in, you could also smell the distinct scent of leather and engine oil.
As you make your way through the crowd, you try to avoid making eye contact, feeling small and out of place.
Don’t draw attention. Don’t draw attention. Don’t draw attention. Don’t draw attention.
That mantra in your head continued as you hugged your bag close and made yourself small. Navigating the crowded bar proved to be rather difficult, especially when you were trying not to hit anyone. A plethora of ‘sorry’ and ‘excuse me’ left your lips before you reached an empty table in the back. You sit your bag down and allowed yourself to breathe as best you could anyway, the taste of smoke filled your mouth, making it dry and slightly bitter. You try to swallow, but the air feels too thick and heavy to allow it.
The dim, hazy lighting of the bar, combined with the smoke from cigarettes and the bodies, made it difficult to see clearly. People pressed close together, their limbs hitting one another.
You stuck out like a sore thumb. You had worn a corduroy skirt that day and, if that wasn’t bad enough, a pastel blue halter accompanied it. If ‘Look at Me’ had a mascot, it’d be you.
The tips of your ears burned as your eyes scanned the crowd of bikers. Normally, you could find tall and blonde easily but, in this crowd, it was like trying to find a needle in a needle stack.
However, after about 10 minutes of searching, you found him near the pool table. His eyes fixed on the green felt with an intensity that you could feel from all the way across the room.
You allowed yourself to just stare, taking in his rugged appearance that finally seemed to fit into his surroundings. His arms were on full display, and the light caught the ridges of his muscles in a sinfully perfect way. His hair was tousled and swooped up as if the wind had permanently swept it there. The thought made you giggle. You took in his tattoos, his rings, and the grease stains his shirt housed. The stains alone sent you to a whole daydream.
Visions of him fixing a motorcycle, his muscles moving seamlessly as he worked. His focus fixed on the machinery, understanding the beauty and power of the bike, and knowing exactly what it needed. A playful smile on his lips as he caressed the engine. The sunlight catching the sweat glistening on his skin, highlighting every curve and ridge of his body. His strong hands, covered in grease, as he worked with precision and finesse. The occasional grunt or sigh as he exerts force in just the right places. Every now and then, he let out a satisfied chuckle as he successfully fixes a part.
Before you knew it, you had replaced the motorcycle.
You let out a squeak at your own imagination. Causing heads to turn towards you. For once, you didn’t notice because you were too busy mentally beating yourself.
You had to give him these cakes before you embarrassed yourself even more.
You took a deep breath to steady your nerves before making your way over to him, each step feeling heavier with the weight of uncertainty.
As you approached, he finally tore his gaze away from the pool table and locked eyes with you. There was a flicker of surprise in his expression, quickly masked by a guarded demeanour. You could sense the tension in his posture as you stood before him, unsure of how he would react to your presence.
He walked toward you, cue stick in hand. His piercing blue eyes bore into yours as he got closer.
“Can I help you with something, sweetheart,” he asked, his gruff voice filling your senses. He leaned against the cue stick, bringing him closer to you. Even hunched over he looked down at you, you had never felt so small.
"I... I brought you these," you stammered out, holding out the two jars of Raspberry Delights towards him. "What happened at the bakery earlier wasn't right and I’m ashamed that I just stood by and let it happen. Please accept them as an apology."
He studied you for a moment, his face contorting slightly as a myriad of emotions flickered. Finally, he reached out and took the jars from your shaky hands.
“Thank you,” he said quietly, his gaze softening.
You nodded with a smile, clasping your hands together and letting out a breath of relief. You rocked back and forth on your feet as you realised that you hadn’t planned out a conversation in your head. You had no clue what to say to the man standing in front of you.
As you struggled to find the right words, only two came out:
“Okay bye.”
You were moving before you could register, bolting out of the crowded bar and into the crisp air of the night. You allowed yourself to breathe in deeply, filling your lungs fully for the first time since you entered the bar. It was also easier to breathe without him being near.
You swallowed as you stood straight up and shuffled towards your bike. Your lip found its place between your teeth while you replayed the interaction in your head. You shrunk into yourself at how you acted. You had dreamed of an interaction with tall and blond for months, given him numerous names that never seemed to fit. You had thought about wowing him with a quick tongue and a perfected sense of humour. But, when it came down to it, you chickened out. You literally ran away.
You reached your bike, which now seemed extra childish coming out of the bar. Now that you think about it, you’ve never been so close to a motorcycle before, only looking from afar. The need to inspect the bike tugged at your heart. It didn’t take much for you to give in.
You reached out and let your fingertips graze the frame of the bike, collecting the dirt that had found a home on the metal. Your eyes trailed the winding metal of the interior, wondering what each thing did. You could smell the gasoline and faintly taste metal on the tip of your tongue, and you smiled at its slight sweetness.
“You like bikes?”
Your hands flinched back as if the bike itself had spoken and your eyes went to the voice.
“Um,” you stuttered as you were met with tall and blond. “I, uh, I don’t have an opinion on them. They’re pretty though.”
“Pretty?” he chuckled, flicking the butt of the cigarette to the ground.
“Mmhmm. I’ve never seen one up close before. I apologise for touching them, it won’t happen again.”
“Calm down,” he smiled. “You look like I’m about to cut your hand off.”
You swallowed thickly and dusted off the dirt your fingertips had collected.
“Come here.”
His tone was friendly and inviting yet commanding, so you followed him over to a particular motorcycle that he leaned against.
“This one’s yours?” you asked/stated.
He just smiled a crooked smile and nodded.
“You can inspect to your heart's content, little miss.”
You feel a familiar tug at your lips as you let yourself circle the bike. It was a lot nicer than the last one, in your opinion. The black colour of the fenders matched tall and blonde, and the framework looked well-loved. You allowed your fingers to touch the bike, letting them trail down the seat until they reached the end of the bike and fell off.
“Hey, listen,” his voice making you snap your eyes to him. “How ‘bout as payment for the cakes, I take you on a ride?”
Your heart jumped into your throat, “Oh, I could never. I’m happy to watch from a distance.”
“Oh,” he feigned a pout as you walked back to where he was leaning. “Well then miss, I hate to say this but I can’t accept these.”
He pulled out a jar from each of his pockets and presented them to you.
“What?” you looked at the cakes and then back at him, offence displaying itself on your features.
“You heard me,” he smirked. “It wouldn’t be right. You put an awful lotta work into these cakes, you can’t just be given ‘em away.”
You bit your lip at the predicament in frustration and furrowed your eyebrows. The tall man raised an eyebrow and fought a smile that told you he was enjoying this.
“So, you’re saying if I let you give me a ride…you’ll take the cakes?”
“Yes I am, miss,” he confirms. “It would be my pleasure.”
An internal battle raged in you, but all you had to do was glance at the look on his face. The thrill of the unknown mingled with the warmth of his smile was enough to make your heart race. His eyes housed a genuine want, a need, and far be it from you to deny him. The “battle” was over before it even started.
“Fine, yeah, okay,” you relented.
His grin widened as he got on and gestured for you to hop on behind him. You couldn’t contain the flutter of excitement as you settled onto the motorcycle. The engine roared to life beneath you, vibrating with power and promise, mirroring your heartbeat.
“Hold on to me,” he instructed.
You swallowed before wrapping your arms around him gingerly, really your arms formed a ring around him, not touching him at all.
“You’ll need to hold on a little tighter, miss,” he chuckled.
Slowly, your arms tightened around him, a little too slow for him apparently because he kicked off suddenly causing you to grip him harshly.
“You jerk,” you shouted, as the wind nipped against your skin.
You couldn’t hear it but could feel the laugh the man in front of you let out, his strong back convulsing in a familiar rhythm. Your cheek was pressed against the denim of his jacket, and you could feel the warmth radiating from him. Lights and corn fields passed by in a blurry mix, and soon the stars were the only thing you could see clearly.
His rythmatic breathing brought a smile to your lips, and you could picture the look of pure serenity on his face. His cologne mixed with cigarettes and gasoline became one you already missed as you breathed in deeply, savouring every moment.
You understood now, the feeling The Vandals sought out, it was peace. It was forgetting everything and giving it all to the road ahead of them. The thrill of speed coursed through your veins, exhilarating and freeing. You held on to the man in front of you, feeling the powerful rumble of the motorcycle beneath you as it devoured the distance.
Every now and again he would look back to check on you, and every time you’d give him the same reassuring nod that let him know you were doing okay.
As you rode deeper into the night, a sense of liberation washed over you. The worries and insecurities that had plagued your mind earlier faded into the background, replaced by a sense of adventure and possibility. The road stretched out before you like an endless ribbon, beckoning you to explore its twists and turns.
However, it was over too soon. Before long, you had found your way back to the biker gang’s bar.
He finally came to a stop in a small open space, the engine purring to a halt. You untangled yourself from him, stepping off the bike with shaky legs.
You turned to face him, his silhouette illuminated by the soft glow of the moon. His eyes bore into yours, a mix of mystery and need.
“Thank you,” you beamed. “That was wonderful.”
“My pleasure miss,” he grins back, a hint of sadness flashing across his face as he got off the bike.
“I’m jealous,” you admitted, watching as took off his gloves. “You get to do that every day.”
“You could too,” he says before he could catch himself, leaning against it. “If you wanted to.”
“That would be amazing,” you say, rocking back and forth on your toes in thought.
The man smiled at your frame, admiring the way you could disappear into your head at the drop of a hat.
“Oh,” you snapped out of your reverie, shocking the man before you. “Now you have to eat the cake.”
“What,” he deadpanned.
“You have to eat the cake,” you repeated. “I kept my end of the deal now you keep yours.”
“I don’t have a-”
“Here,” you say, pulling a spoon from your bag.
“I don’t know where that spoon had been,” he smirks.
“Can you just try it,” you mumbled. “I want to see if you like it.”
He couldn’t say no to you even if he wanted to.
Putting the spoon in his mouth, he reaches into his pocket and pulls out one of the jars of Raspberry Delights. As he twists it open he swears he sees your eyes widen, and he has to stop himself from blushing at your eagerness.
You're practically bouncing while you watch him dip the spoon into the cake and put it to his lips. You hold your breath as he takes it in.
His brows furrow before he breaks out into a smile.
“That’s fucking delicious,” he lets out. “It's not too sweet, which I like.”
He watches as you glow brighter at the compliments.
“I’m glad you like it,” you sigh, looking at the ground in shyness.
“I love it, little miss,” he corrects, as he takes another spoonful of the raspberry cake into his mouth. “Now, I’m jealous. You get to eat these all the time.”
“I can fix that,” you giggle, and before you can think you're cleaning the corner of his mouth with your thumb lovingly.
As you begin to retract your hand, he grabs hold of it, keeping your hand on his face. His eyes watched you intently. There was a raw intensity in them, a fire that burned bright against the darkness. His rough fingers smoothed out yours so that you were caressing his face, his hand still covering yours.
You were so shocked and entranced by the touch that you didn’t notice his tongue darting out to clean your thumb.
A yelp echoed through the night as he sucked on the leftover raspberry cream, your skin prickling with a sudden heat. His eyes remained trained on yours, a twinge of playfulness circling his irises. He observed your gaze fall to where his tongue connected with your finger. He watched as your lips parted in concentration and curiosity.
He loved that look, the eagerness in your eyes to see what would happen next. He also loved the power you gave him in the moment, the trust you gave him to guide you.
He wanted more. He craved more. He craved you.
Your eyes flickered to his as he released your hand and reached out to caress your face. The rough calluses of his hand actually felt nice against your soft cheeks and, unconsciously, you leaned into it. The gesture brought a loving smile to his face.
He set the jar of raspberry cake on the back of his bike and let his hand fall to the small of your waist, pulling you closer. The gasp you let out only fueled his growing need for you. Your chest rose and fell against him and you felt the tips of your ears beginning to burn. The focus in his gaze made you feel like the only girl in the world, and that terrified you. At that moment, the only thing you wanted to do at that moment was look down or away from him, but the hand on your cheek didn’t allow it.
“Can I kiss you miss?” he breathed out, already bringing you closer.
“Please,” you let out, surprising yourself.
He didn't waste another second and closed the gap between you, his lips meeting yours in a fervent, intoxicating kiss. The world around you seemed to fade away as you melted into each other, a whirlwind of passion and desire consuming every inch of your being.
His kiss was like nothing you had ever experienced before, a mixture of roughness and tenderness that sent shivers down your spine. You found yourself lost in the moment, your hands instinctively clinging onto his jacket as he deepened the kiss, his demeanour shifting from playful to intense.
As the kiss lingered, time seemed to stand still. It was just the two of you, wrapped up in each other's arms beneath the moonlit sky. The night air crackled with electricity, and you could feel the heat radiating between you as if it were its own entity.
When you finally pulled away, both of you were left breathless and flushed, your chests rising and falling in sync. His eyes bore into yours, lips falling into a smile.
“I’m, uh, I’m Benny,” he stuttered, his cheeks becoming a slight pink.
“Hello Benny,” you giggle at his sudden show of shyness. “Everyone calls me Bun.”
|*|
A/n: first time writing for Austin!! Feedback is welcomed. Hope you enjoyed!!
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neil-gaiman · 1 year ago
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Hello Neil, my name is Zalean. If you have a few minutes, I wanted to tell you a little story. Not really a question and I’m not sure how to use tumblr but I wanted to say thanks so much for coming to Florida a few months back and talking with Art Spiegelman. It was my first time ever figuring out how to buy tickets for something. I lived in, middle of nowhere, Vermont for most my life and had no idea what I was doing, I had never been to anything before, nothing had made me excited enough to do the 5 hour drive. And then you just appeared 20 minutes away from where I am living now.
See, I was just starting to get to know your books and work because I fell in love with Good Omens so deeply when I discovered it during season twos release. Funny thing is, I knew of you all along without even realizing it, Stardust has been my favorite book and movie since I was a kid because it was my dad’s favorite story. Finding out my two favorite things were actually connected, I started trying to get hands on as many of your books as I could. I hadn’t read in years before finding your books. It was eye opening.
The talk event at the Dr.Phillips Center was sold out by the time I knew about it, someone had asked me if I knew of the event when they saw my Good Omens keychains my mom had made me. I called the box office because there is no harm in asking. I explained how I’m an art student at UCF and desperately wanted to be inspired and learn from you both. The customer service people were amazing and ended up calling me back to get me a seat in the orchestra pit before they were released to the public. I drove alone, I walked there alone, I sat alone, and it was worth it. I was so thankful to get a seat and grateful to my professor who was a bit jealous he didn’t know about it but let me leave class early to go because of course the art professor would be understanding for any learning opportunities in the arts. And it was truly wonderful, it seemed real and that’s what I wanted. I didn’t want a show. I just wanted to hear, in some sense, that you were like everybody else. I brought a notebook and pen for any information or story’s that I thought made a difference to my little life. The other people around were wonderful, you inspire kind people.
Like I said, I had never been to anything like this and I didn’t know what to expect. I didn’t know you would have signed books and I only found out because the people next to me came in late. I asked them why they brought the books after it was over and the lights turned on. They did look at me like I had three heads for a moment until they realized I didn’t know there were books to buy, they looked kinda sorry for me but they were so nice. I had never really thought about the importance of someone’s scribble before this but it’s something that proves you were there. It says “Remember when this person made you happy? Remember when they changed your life? Remember when they gave you hope? Look at this and remember.” I hope to see David Tennant and Michael Sheen to get an autograph now that I understand the meaning behind it a bit more but honestly I just love diving into everyone’s projects, the wonder you all create. Oh what fun it is to live a life full of stories!
The people that were sitting next to me let me look at their signed books and hold them. I flipped through some of the big ones, handed them back and expressed my gratitude just to be in the theater. I showed them all my little quotes I wrote down, I never want to forget why I create things and you say so much about never stopping, always creating. Then the women handed me a different book, a smaller book, but when I tried to hand it back, a bit confused, she softly placed it back in my open hands and said “I want you to have it, we have plenty and I want you to love these stories just as much as we do. It’s just starting for you, I want you to remember who started it”. The book she handed me being“The Ocean at the End of the Lane”. The first book I decided to read by you and had just finished a week before. The women had no idea she given me a signed copy of the book that made me want to read again. Your books make the world better. For such a big theater and such a big stage, I just wanted to tell you my little point of view.
The story you told about wishing you enjoyed the past more than you did, I hope you get to enjoy it now, and I hope you want to. And thank you, to you and to Terry Pratchett for creating something special. I convinced my dad to watch Good Omens with me over December break, he loved it.
I forget sometimes that everything is someone's first time, and then I read something like this and feel like I need to remember that better. I'm glad the people beside you were kind.
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