#my mom wants to rent a place on a lake

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Ohhhhhh fuck yeah I'm going to Minnesota this summer

Agate hunting time babyyyyyyy

[arcanefox207]

The Wolf You Feed (Part 1)

Pairing: Joel Miller x female reader

Rating: Explicit, 18+ MDNI

Word Count: 8k

Part 1 / ? (Ongoing Series) A O 3 | M A S T E R L I S T

Summary: Set in fictional New England town, you fall for your handsome, intense and outdoorsy neighbor while renting out your parent's vacant summer home during a brutal winter.

Warnings: No Outbreak, AU but with TLoU characters, Large age gap (Reader is 29. Joel is 50). This chapter includes smut with fingering and cum eating. Dominant Joel. Eventual Angst. Drinking Alcohol. Pet names but no use of Y/N. Reader is smaller than Joel and has hair he can grab. 

A/N: Please hang in there. This chapter has a lot of setup and is a bit of a slow burn. Its also my first fic and I am pouring my heart and soul into it.

A O 3 | M A S T E R L I S T | N O T I F I C A T I O N

“Remember, if you need anything you can ask Joel. He knows his way around the house” your mother reminds you. 

“Thanks, I will be fine but I’ll keep that in mind.” You appease her but have no intention of bothering her neighbor.

“Love you, honey. Talk later!”

“Bye mom. Love you.” You end the call and slump back against the couch. This was going to be your home for the next few months. Your parents had gone south to avoid the brutal New England winter and had offered their summer vacation home in Kineo to you in the interim. No rent and plenty of free time to figure out what to do with your life next. All you had to do was pay the utilities and keep an eye on things.

The offer was genuine but also came from a place of concern. You had spent the last few years living a more-or-less nomadic life and poorly indulging your dreams of adventure. Your bachelors degree in Liberal Arts proving to be as useless as everyone told you it would be. It got you jobs easy enough but nothing that felt like a long term career. It all felt directionless but you also had been hell bent on proving everyone else wrong and keeping up the appearance that you were doing just fine. 

Your past relationships were nothing too exciting either. Months of casually dating someone and it not really going anywhere or random hookups that you regretted the next day. One or two guys you were getting serious with but ultimately scared you off when they started talking about a family in their big picture. You were starting to get cynical about any compatible prospects.

You are only 29 and wonder if a midlife crisis before your 30’s is normal. At least, that is what it felt like was happening. You had been treading water for too long and felt like you were too tired to keep swimming.

Your mother finally wore you down enough when your lease was up at your Boston apartment and you had no real obligations. You hated your current job, your roommates were little more than acquaintances and the busy city life scene was starting to lose its charm especially when it was astronomically expensive to live there. It was getting harder to say no so you agreed to her offer. 

You had to admit living in the country sounded like a nice change. You had a few months to figure stuff out and the thought of something new was exciting to you. Even if it meant continuing to endure the bitter winter, you had a chance to start fresh somewhere new. Something different. 

You didn’t grow up here and spent most of your life living in suburban homes with slightly warmer climates. Your parents had bought a small one bedroom vacation home in a sleepy New England town that they mostly only enjoyed in the prime summer months. The home sat mostly vacant otherwise. They would rent it out for weeks at a time but in the winter months no one from away wanted to go there. Too far from ski resorts and civilization to be of interest to a casual vacationer. It had a lake that drew much attention from outsiders only when it wasn’t frozen. The town was reduced to just the year-round locals in the coldest months.

Your new residence was outside the main populous of Kineo and nearby the lake. In fact, you could see the lake peeking through the thick pine trees out the front window if you looked hard enough. 

The closest and only neighbor in sight was the handyman your parents raved about across the street. He kept an eye on the place while they were away. You had never interacted with him on your occasional summer visits, but knew he had been kind to your folks and heard about him often enough. You occasionally saw him out in his yard from afar and he would give a lazy wave to your parents in passing. You never really got a good look at him up close but from what you could see he looked rugged and fit and always wore jeans and work boots. He had a modest waterfront cabin across the street and seemed to keep to himself.

You had arrived just a few days ago and already had a job lined up at the local coffee shop, Grind. You were getting your caffeine fix and saw a help wanted sign in their window and you had no trouble securing the job when you chatted with the owner. She hired you on the spot and seemed desperate but grateful that you actually had enthusiasm for coffee and knew your Americanos from your Lattes. Grind Coffee House was on the main drag along with some other quaint shops. It was charming enough and an easy 10 minute drive from your house. The pay was pitiful but would be enough to get by. Things seemed to be lining up perfectly.

You went to bed early that night and felt optimistic that this was going to be good for you. This was going to be the reset that you craved. A new adventure. It was like nothing you had experienced before and maybe that was exactly what you needed.

–

Shit. Your first day working at Grind and you can’t even get the car to start. 

It was freezing cold. The kind of cold that hurts when it touches your exposed skin. You turn the key in the ignition again and the engine makes a pathetic attempt to turn over. Nothing. Fuck. 

You turn the key again. Nothing. Fuck fuck fuck. You pull out your phone and realize you have no idea what to do other than call your new boss and make a horrible first impression. No, that wasn’t going to do. You look in the rearview mirror and see across the street that lights are on at your neighbors house, despite the early hour. As quickly as the thought crosses your mind you push it away. No. No way were you going to bother him at this hour. You hadn’t even officially met the guy yet.

You pull up Google on your phone and scan the first few results for “car won’t start” and narrow it down to engine troubles or dead battery. Either outcome is something you are not equipped to handle. 

A few moments pass and you reluctantly weigh the options. Would a garage even be open this early? How long would that take to get someone out there? You were wasting time and had to do something. You curse to yourself and go back inside the house.

You walk over to the fridge where a note is hanging front and center “Joel Miller” with a phone number neatly printed. Your mothers careful handwriting to contact the poor neighbor that she probably harasses all the time. You sigh and open your phone to dial the number.

It rings a few times, and then you hear a gravelly voice that catches you off guard. 

“Hello?” A deep and thick, unfamiliar accent answers. Not what you were expecting. 

“Hi, Mr. Miller.” a long pause and you stumble over your words. “I uh, I’m sorry to call you so early. I'm Rick and Linda’s daughter.” and mumble your name. Another pause. 

“Ah, right. Whatcha need, kid?” He asks with little expression in his tone. You can’t tell if he is annoyed or just sounded that way. 

“My car won’t start and I–” you pause, not too sure how to ask for help from a stranger. “I don’t know what to do...” Your voice trails off with uncertainty on how to ask for help or what you are even expecting. 

You hear a long exhale on the other end, like he is letting all the air out of his lungs while he is thinking on it. 

“Dead battery most likely… on a day like this. I’ll be right over.” He hangs up the phone before you can say another word and instead say thank you out loud to yourself and let your voice trail off. You instantly regret making the call.

You zip up your coat, pull your knit hat snug over your ears and head back outside when you see a black Ford pickup truck ease into your driveway. A tall man wearing a brown suede jacket approaches. The morning light is faint but you can make out that he is much older and has some silver streaking his hair and beard. He looks weathered and rugged but also has a warmness about him that is hard to reconcile with his rough exterior.     

“Joel Miller, I presume?” you nervously laugh and awkwardly introduce yourself for the second time. You attempt to be extra friendly and maybe penetrate his bristly wall. It seems to help when he notices you are a young woman and not some bratty teenager that your parents probably made you out to be. He takes a step forward and reaches a hand out towards you, nodding. He firmly shakes your hand and you are taken aback by how his grasp seems to engulf you.

“Pleasure to meet you, darling.” His voice is smooth and polite and has the tiniest hint of playfulness in his tone. You can’t place his accent, but you know it isn’t from around here and only someone from away would say ‘Darling’ so casually to a stranger. 

His dark brown eyes hold your gaze for a moment and he has the faintest smirk as he subtly scans your body. It sends goosebumps down your spine. You are grateful that you made an extra effort to look cute for your first day of work. You realize your hands are still embraced and nervously laugh as you pull away. He gets right down to business, but not before stealing another peek of your body when he thinks you aren’t looking.  

“Lets see what we got here.'' He climbs into the driver's seat and in no time confirms it's the battery when he hears your car's engine protest. He walks over to his tailgate and brings back some jumper cables. 

You stand there with your arms wrapped around your body trying to hold in as much warmth as possible. Your bare hands clenched in a fist and tucked in as far as they could in your jacket sleeve to shelter from the cold. Your teeth chattering as you try to stand out of the way but want to be nearby too. At least give the illusion you can be helpful if he needs something. You regret your first meeting being a clueless damsel in distress, but maybe he liked that sort of thing. His tune did seem to change once he saw you. 

Joel returns and leans over the edge of the seat leaving the door wide open, his large palm dragging up slowly from the floor to the steering column, searching for the hood release. His finger catches on the button and he pops the hood. It’s hard not to stare at him while he slides his expert hands with reckless abandon.

His eyes find yours and the corner of his mouth raises slightly. You question if you are mistaking his caught you watching me look for more than what it was. He seems to enjoy you watching him work. He steps away from the seat and pulls a pair of work gloves from his back pocket as he works to connect your car to his truck with the jumper cables. He starts his truck back up and approaches you. Your breath and his making little frozen clouds as you exhale. 

“You can sit in my truck if you want, it’s plenty warm in there.” He gestures with his thumb over his shoulder. “This will just be a minute.” You thank him and take him up on his offer and climb into his passenger seat. He has a classical rock station playing on the radio. A thermos sitting in the center console. You glance in the back seat and see some neatly organized tools and miscellaneous junk on the floor. It smells metallic and leathery. 

You outstretch your hands to the vents that are pouring warm air into the cabin and relish the heat.  

A few moments pass and you don’t see much of what’s going on with the hood of the truck blocking your view. You doom scroll on Instagram to keep yourself busy but your mind keeps thinking about Joel. You were in no way prepared for your neighbor to be so fucking handsome. It felt absurd to be so turned on by him.

He’s too old. You tell yourself. Don’t even think about it. 

Your thoughts are interrupted as the hood slams shut and Joel opens the driver's door. He reaches his arm out to grab his thermos while he climbs into the seat with a groan. The door shuts hard behind him and a blast of cold air invades your space briefly.  

“Damn cold one today” He says it with a huff as more of an observation than a complaint. He takes a sip of his coffee and looks over to you. You nod in agreement and find yourself caught up in what to say to him. He pulls off his gloves and tosses them in his backseat. He rests his arm along the back of the seat and it is nearly touching your shoulder. The way his body takes up the space makes you feel small and helpless. Then, you remember you are small and helpless compared to him. He doesn’t feel threatening towards you but you certainly does give off the aura that he could be intense in the right circumstance. You find that undeniably attractive.

“Your folks called me last week. Told me you were gonna be staying here a while.” His eyes are back focused on you. “Meant to come over this weekend and introduce myself.” he seems a little nervous and takes another sip of his coffee. “Didn’t wanna bother you, though.” 

You feel a small smile start to grow on your face. The thought that he shared the same reservations brought comfort. Joel rests his thermos between his legs while still holding it with one hand. He looks like he is hesitating to say something but does it anyway. He looks over at you with tender eyes, 

“Didn’t expect.. You know...” He makes an unreadable expression as he is searching for the words and scans your body up and down. “Someone like you.” You were not entirely sure what he meant by that, but his smoldered stare on your body made you feel hot inside and your cheeks flush. He looked at you with intrigue and it made you feel good. It made you feel wanted. It had been too long since you felt that way.  

In fact, it has been too long since you had any sort of relationship. Even a casual lay.  

“You really saved my ass this morning. Thank you.” You pause and feel yourself giving a sultry gaze back at him. “I owe you one.” Joel makes a no big deal gesture with his hand and a cocky smile as he chews the inside of his cheek. In that brief moment you feel something between the two of you. The desire to flirt; tempt a man with at least 20 years on you. An unexpected but undeniable magnetic pull. A curiosity to learn what lies beneath. A forbidden fruit that is ripe and beckoning for you to take a bite. Something different. Something exciting. Something you know you should stifle before it even begins.  

His eyes reflect the same sentiment but also harbor concern and restraint. It’s a bad idea. The brief silence between you looms loudly. The elephant in the room. 

“Where ya’ off to so early anyways?” he asks, eager to change the subject. He takes another sip of his coffee while you reply.

“Oh, first day working at Grind. You know it?” Joel's demeanor changes in a subtle way that you may not have seen if you weren’t so focused on trying to read him.  

“Oh. Yeah..” he chides and looks down, pensive in thought as he brings his hand to the back of his neck and rakes it through his hair. “I know the place.” He glances back up and avoids eye contact. The bite in his voice does not go unnoticed, but you don’t pry. 

An uncomfortable subject; noted.   

“Better coffee than this I reckon” he says as he places his thermos back in the center console. He attempts to lighten the tone and then glances at his watch.

“I gotta get to work, sweetheart. Keep your car runnin’ for a bit and you should be all set. Probably get that battery replaced.” His tone is more serious now, more business-like. You realize you had been waiting in his truck longer than necessary. You really have to get to work anyways. 

You thank him again and return to your car. He waits for you to get in and raises his fingers off his steering wheel in a lazy wave to signal he was leaving. He backs out of your driveway and heads down the road towards town.

You take a deep breath and adjust the knobs in your car. Joel had put everything on high heat and full blast for you and your car was now unbearably toasty. You tune your radio and ease into the road and on your way to work. 

All the while your mind can’t stop thinking about your charming, handyman neighbor. 

So that's Joel Miller. You smile to yourself and faintly feel butterflies in your stomach. Anxious thoughts that excite and frighten you.  

–

It took Marlene all of five minutes to become your new work bestie. She was efficient and smart and knew her way around the place. She was the only one working when you arrived and despite the line of customers she was friendly and teased you for arriving late on your first day. 

Marlene had great rapport with everyone. It was apparent that the customers were all regulars and she wasted no time introducing you to them. She had a somewhat forward style but it was well received because she knew exactly what she was doing and didn’t waste time being flowery and over the top. It reminded you of the brashness of Boston.

After the morning rush things were relatively calm. You had time to chat and get to know her a little more while she was showing you the ropes. It wasn’t complicated and you were a quick study.

By mid afternoon it was time to close up shop. The hours were a perk. You were scheduled to work weekdays from open till close and would have to occasionally help out on Saturdays. Marlene worked the same shift and the weekends were mostly covered by high schoolers. 

It was just after 2 o’clock when the owner, Tess, stopped by. 

“How did it go?” she asks you both as she takes a seat and rests her bag on the counter. Marlene had no intention of telling her you were late and talked you up, pleased with your presence. Tess had a few other properties she owned so her time at the coffee shop was only as needed and Marlene you learnt was more or less the one who ran things day to day. 

You recap the day and thank her again for the job. You did genuinely enjoy the work. It was easy. Simple and straightforward. You got to know lots of town folk and everyone was curious and interested in meeting the new girl in town.

Tess seemed pleased enough and was quick to head out. She was friendly but brief and gave the impression she had other responsibilities that demanded her attention. She joins you behind the counter briefly and pours herself a black hot coffee in a to-go cup. Another perk of the job was indulging in all the free coffee. 

“Let me know if you guys need anything!” She says energetically as she collects her bag and heads out the door. She flips the sign to “closed” as she leaves. 

“Tess is cool. She doesn’t interfere too much and we only see her a few times a week, if that.” You nod to acknowledge Marlene. “Lets finish cleaning up and get out of here.”

It was nice leaving with the sun bright and warm. Winter meant shorter days, so getting out of work with a few hours of daylight felt luxurious. The bitter cold from the morning had made its departure. 

You had been so focused with work it wasn’t until you got back to your car that you allowed yourself to think about Joel again. You know you shouldn’t but can’t help feeling turned on at the thought of him. He was handsome in that brooding, mysterious way and he emanated competence. It was refreshing and welcomed. 

You decided to send him a text message. You had his number in your recent contacts after all and you were curious if he would play along. You were certain that there was something sparked between the two of you, but unsure if he would act on it. Unsure if there were too many obstacles between you.

You keep it simple and friendly.   

You: Thanks again for your help! 

Your car starts up with no issue and you head home. When you arrive you glance down to your phone to see a simple reply. 

Joel: Anytime

It was brief but you couldn’t help but read it with that low, southern drawl. His voice was so distinct. Polite but stern. You add him as a contact in your phone and wonder if he did the same. 

You take a shower, make some dinner and get comfortable in your bed. It’s early and you watch some TV when you hear your phone chime. You glance at your phone and see Joel Miller has you on his mind as he revives the conversation with you. 

Joel: So how did it go? 

You smile and recount this feeling like you were a teenager talking to your crush. You want to gush about your first day but you play it cool and brief. 

You: Went good, I think I’ll like it there

A few minutes pass. Against your better judgment you start to go into details but delete it before you hit send. You recalled his strange reaction earlier when you brought up Grind. This man has you second guessing yourself and you don’t want to blow it before it even begins. He replies instead before you elaborate.

Joel: Glad to hear. Thought you would. 

You: I’m exhausted though, getting to bed

You decide to be playful and see how he reacts. 

You: Goodnight, Mr. Miller.  

Joel: Just Joel. 

Joel: Goodnight darling

Darling. Even if it was just a typical Southern phrase it made you wild. It was uncommon to hear in the north and felt so endearing and warm. The knots in your stomach return as you struggle to fall asleep. Your mind is too excited to see where things go from here. You knew he was interested in you enough to keep talking. It would have been easy for him to end the conversation there and keep things formal and neighborly. 

Your mind wanders thinking about how truly handsome he is. How badly you want his manly, rough hands on your body. How his voice makes you melt. How his domineering  presence makes you tingle in your core. You feel yourself starting to get wet just at the thought of his body and what you wanted to do to it. What you wanted him to do to you. Sinful thoughts.

You slide your hand between your legs and feel yourself already wet and wanting. Your delicate fingers tease circles over your clit and it doesn’t take long before you get off. You feel ashamed to be lusting over an old man you barely know, but nevertheless wish it was Joel’s rough hands on you.   

You wonder if he is doing the same thing and sharing the same thoughts about you.

–

A few uneventful days go by and now it’s Friday. You haven’t seen much of Joel other than his truck occasionally driving off, but he had been stuck on your mind all week. Lonely nights accompanied by dirty thoughts of Joel that only fueled your yearning to get closer to him. Your inhibitions regarding age and disapproval of your parents were blinded by your building desire. It still weighed on you though. Your parents would be appalled and probably disown you if they knew. It would just be another tick on the disappointment list.   

Work is busy and the day flies by. Just a few hours to go. You are taking a break, sitting at one of the tables by the front window and snacking on a blueberry scone. You reason with yourself that tonight is as good as any to try to make something happen. 

You: You doing anything tonight?

An agonizing hour passes and no reply. Your message is on read. Marlene takes notice of your change in demeanor. When things finally slow down and its just the two of you waiting around to close up she presses you.

“So.. whats going on? You look distant.” 

“Just trying to… make friends here.” You pause. “A friend in particular.” Your voice trails off. Marlene catches on quick and she had suspected you were starting to fall for someone. 

“Anyone I know?” Marlene knows everyone. You don’t want her judgment on the matter so you keep it vague.

“My neighbor. He doesn’t seem the type to come to a place like this though.” Your phone chimes and you try to play down your excitement as you look down and see it’s from Joel. You can barely contain a smile. 

Joel: Just got done a job. No plans

Marlene searches your face and rolls her eyes.  

“Just go over then. Easy enough.” she was right. 

“Yeah, I think I will.” 

The rest of the shift goes by quickly and you are both out the door by 3 o’clock.

You sit in your car and decide to just call him already. You were craving to hear his voice again and you wanted to put him on the spot. He answers quickly.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Joel. I still owe you, you know for helping me out earlier.” Joel sighs in defeat. 

“I see you aint lettin’ that go. What did ya have in mind?” 

“Can I come over tonight? I’ll bring over drinks.” Your offer was more forward than you intended, but you went with it.

“Yeah, ok. Sounds good.” He pauses and has a counter offer for you. “Come over for dinner first?” You melt at the thought and realize you haven’t responded and there is a silence while you are getting lost in your thoughts. “Grilling steaks. Nothin’ fancy.”

“Yeah. Sounds good.” You can feel your smile spilling into the phone. That sounds more than good. It sounds really fucking good.  

“Alright. Come over ‘round 7.” 

“Ok. See you tonight.” You end the call and take a deep breath. Your heart is beating out of your chest in excitement. 

–

Getting ready for the night you attempted a relaxed look. You wanted to look nice, but approachable. You had some worn jeans that tucked neatly into your Bean boots. A button down flannel that you left undone over an intentionally low cut, fitted shirt. It accented your chest just right. You wore your hair down and went light on the makeup. You threw on a light leather jacket and grabbed the six pack of beer as you head across the street. 

Joel opens the door and leans in the doorframe with a casual figure, taking you in while he bites his lip,

“Evening' sweetheart” He steps back and holds the door open for you and gestures to come in. He was definitely a gentleman. You normally are not a fan of the pet names, but he worked them into his vocabulary so smoothly it was welcomed. 

You step inside and turn around, holding up the six pack of beer.

“Sam Adams. That ok?” He shuts the door and nods in approval. “Figured I’d bring some Boston culture over.” You step further inside. His kitchen is just off the main entrance and has an island with some bar stools at it. You make your way over and take a seat and rest the case on the countertop. 

Your eyes scan the room. His kitchen is tidy, save the spot where he prepped the steaks. You see an empty whiskey glass. Evidence that he had at least one stiff drink before you came over. You panic a little and regret not doing the same.  

“That where you lived before this?” He interrupts your thought as he stands across you at the island. His crossed forearms holding him up as he leans towards you with intrigue. He is dressed plainly in a pair of worn jeans and a plain navy blue t-shirt that hugs his arms just right. His biceps bulge as he is leaning forward and your mind is now preoccupied with just how broad his shoulders are. You almost forgot he asked you a question.

“Yeah, for a few years anyways.” You briefly recount, distracted when Joel takes a beer bottle from the case and effortlessly pops the cap with his large, calloused hands. A satisfying hiss escapes the bottle followed by a clink as the cap falls to the countertop. He slides it over to you and repeats the motion again for himself.

“Oh, wow.” you say out loud, without realizing it. Joel has that cocky side smirk again, well aware of his impressive party trick. He holds the bottle up and towards you and you do the same, clanking bottle necks together and taking a sip. Your eyes are locked on each other for a moment; trying to read each other's intentions.  

“Make yourself comfortable. I’m gonna put the steaks on.” he gestures his head to the back door that leads onto the deck. He grabs his suede jacket off the back of a chair and walks towards the back entrance. You trail behind and this was the first time you really noticed just how beautiful his home was. 

His open living room and kitchen had a vaulted ceiling with massive windows lining the whole back side of the cabin. It faced the lake and you could imagine how serene it would be to watch the sunrise. The cedar walls and flooring made it feel cozy and inviting. There was a large wood stove in the center of the living room and an open loft above the back of the living room. The deck seemed to wrap along a good part of the home. 

“Your home is beautiful.” It had looked so much more discrete from the road; tucked behind some pines and a long driveway. The backyard was a short distance to the lake and sloped slightly down to a dock. Joel probably had a boat parked there in the summer. The cabin was perched perfectly with a breathtaking view; isolated and private from the world.

“Thank you. I built it myself. Me and my brother Tommy.” 

“Thats… impressive.” 

“Eh, just comes with being a contractor. Made more sense to build my own place the way I wanted.” There it was again, that feeling in your core that excites you. Joel likes to be in control, and he has the skill set to back it up making it all the more alluring. 

Its a cool night, but not uncomfortably cold to be outside for a few minutes with a jacket. In fact, you are grateful to have the crisp air to help ground you and calm you down. It was embarrassing how easily Joel could work you up. You lean over the railing and gaze out over the lake while he tends to the grill for a moment and then joins you at the railing.

“I spent a few years there myself. Boston.” This was news to you, but you were still curious about his Southern accent. 

“And… before?” 

“Texas.” He takes a sip of his beer. “Most my life.” You smile and give a slight laugh. 

“Well, that certainly explains things. You don’t exactly sound like a New Englander” you tease him. Joel laughs and looks a little distant. Something you have come to realize about Joel is that he has a lot on his mind he doesn’t say out loud. His mysterious demeanor was something you found as attractive as it was frustrating. 

“You like it here so far?” He asks.

“I do. Its simple and peaceful. Life is easy here.” you realize while saying this out loud that you mean it. You really are enjoying your time in Kineo more than you ever had expected. “And… my neighbor isn’t so bad.” You tease. Joel rolls his eyes and returns to the grill, pulling the steaks off.

“Mine is a pain in the ass.” He jokes as he closes the grill. He wasn’t wrong. You were persistent if anything. 

–

Dinner is laid back and enjoyable. He has a small dining room table but you choose to sit next to each other at the island drinking your Sam Adams and enjoying your ribeye steaks. Joel cooked them to perfection. You stay seated long after you are done eating, getting carried away with conversation. Your bodies are facing each other and knees knocking into his as you get animated with your storytelling. 

Joel mostly listens while you ramble on. The more you drink the lower your inhibitions get. You are a lightweight to begin with and it doesn’t take much. You don’t even notice that he isn’t really listening to you anymore. His focus has left your well intended words and shifted to your body. He’s looking at your low-cut shirt teasing him. The way you brush your hair out of your face when you laugh. How your neck looks so inviting when you tilt your head back to take a sip of beer, You don’t register that he is eyeing you crudely like you are a piece of meat. That he is fighting every urge inside him to just lose himself with you. 

He inches his hand along the countertop closer to yours until he is grazing your wrist with a light touch and dragging his fingers back across yours. It sends a shiver through your body as you become aware how he is looking at you and how painfully reserved his touch is. It is polite but intrusive. He watches how it makes you feel. How you start to come undone. 

Your pent up feelings are starting to overwhelm you and you excuse yourself reluctantly. Your heart starts to race and you wonder if he can hear it beating. 

You get up and bring your plate over to the sink to wash it. It is a distraction more than anything while you gather yourself. Joel watches you from behind for a moment. You can feel his gaze burning into you and brace yourself against the counter. You like the way it feels. The way he makes you feel wanted. 

That loud silence returns. The air in the room feels heavy. He joins you at the sink and you can feel his heat envelop you as he approaches you from behind. His broad body boxes you in and makes you feel small and vulnerable. 

Joel takes his hands and dances his fingers down your arms lightly. His touch starts a fire inside you and you crave a heavier hold. You need him like you need air in your lungs. He presses a gentle kiss behind your ear and another one drags to your jawline and to the soft meat of your neck. His coarse beard scrapes against your skin and makes you shudder. You press your ass into him and feel him hard against your lower back. He responds by pressing into you firmly and brings his mouth to your ear. 

“You feel what you do to me, beautiful girl?” He asks with his low, gravely voice and presses another kiss into you. His heat is searing into you. 

He agonizingly slides his hands down to your hips and turns you to face him. He pushes your body gently against the countertop and moves one of his hands up to caress your face. He presses his hips into you and holds your chin gently between his thumb and finger. He stares down at you with a thirst in his eyes. He narrows his focus to try to get a reading on you. Your mouths are just inches apart. There is a hunger he is resisting but the wolf inside is slowly starting to win over reason. 

“I want this, Joel.” You stare up at him and make sure he can see the desire in your eyes and that you are serious. You want to remove any hesitations he has on your account. You try to rock your hips into him but he has you pinned. He can feel your needy attempt.  

“We shouldn’t…” Joel pleads, but his words are empty and not speaking the same language as his body. 

Your age, your parents, your unfamiliarity with one another all should be reason enough to quelch this flame, but it just makes you want it that much more. He has wanted you since he first laid eyes on you that morning he came to your rescue. He wants to be respectful but fails, instead teasing you with how much he wants you. The hesitance is an illusion that he has kept up until that moment. Your body is trapped against his and he is looking at you like you are prey in his clutches. You had suspected and even hoped that Joel was a dominant lover with how confident he carried himself.   

You seize the opportunity to show him just what he is doing to you. 

You push your tongue into him and taste him; sweet and malty. His warm and wet mouth is inviting and intense. All reluctancy fades away as he gives in to you and takes control with his tongue. You can feel his cock is hard and straining against his jeans as he rocks into you. Your arms hang around his neck and tangle into his hair as you grind against each other. The friction of both your bodies sending each other into a frenzy.

He drags his mouth away, biting at your lower lip as he moves along your jawline to the soft skin at your neck. You stretch your head back giving him full access to your bare neck as he nips at you hungrily. His scruffy beard rubs roughly against your supple skin and feels so good. One hand roams up your shirt while his mouth traces lower and lower down to your collarbone. He thumbs and circles over your nipple. He can feel it harden through your bra and engulfs your breast with his large hand. His touch is brazen but you welcome it. You can feel just how badly he wants to devour you and it makes you moan.   

He slides his expert hand from your breast and drags it down to your jeans. He unbuttons them hastily with force and works his hand slowly inside. Your underwear is already wet from your arousal. He pulls his mouth away from you and has a devilish grin as he grabs at your pussy and narrows his eyes on you.

“You’re so wet for me.” He says breathlessly with anticipation while he has you in his grasp. 

He slides his hand inside your waistband and teases your clit as his hand slides against you. You want to reply to him but your words are trapped beneath the moans caught in your throat. He brings a finger to your opening and slowly pushes the tip inside you. The pressure from his large, calloused fingers makes you buck into him. He rubs his thumb over your clit as he slowly teases your entrance with his finger. He takes it slow and when he thinks you are ready he slips another one inside.

You can feel your walls clench around his obscenely thick fingers and he pushes deeper. Twisting and playing at your entrance and thrusting in. Your hips writhe in his grasp. While one hand is busy with your cunt the other has an iron grip on the back of your neck. His mouth messily returns to the soft skin above your collarbone and into the crook of your neck. You are completely at his mercy and can’t imagine any other place you’d want to be. 

You are so tight but he stretches you open artfully. Moans escape your lips as you gasp when his fingers dip further into you, reaching that perfect part deep inside. 

“Come for me.” He pants into you with a snarl as you convulse on him.  

He doesn’t let up and fucks you relentlessly with his fingers until you are coming and moaning his name. Incoherent expletives escape you while you soak him.   

You ride the wave of pleasure for as long as you can. It has been too long since you had fucked around with someone. However, no one had ever so masterfully gotten you off with just their fingers. The way he handled your body and worshiped you with his mouth was intoxicating. 

As you come down from your high he slides his wet fingers from inside you and pulls his mouth away with a final ravenous kiss on your swollen lips. He places a kiss on top of your head and pulls you in close for an embrace. The hard protrusion against your body makes itself painfully known.   

Joel presses his forehead against yours as he works to unzip his jeans and free himself. His fingers are wet with your slick. He smirks at you as his hand glides over his swollen cock and rubs your wetness all over his length. His breathing shallows as he strokes himself with one hand and braces his body on the countertop with the other. His swollen head grazes your belly with each thrust into his fist. 

You watch him wantonly as he palms himself with more vigor. Joel’s cock is thick and intimidating, but you crave it in the worst way. It is by far the largest you have ever seen. It glistens in your slick and the precum that was beading at the head. A desire builds inside you and you yearn for more of Joel. Want him in your hands, your mouth, your cunt.  

“Let me, please?” your voice comes out barely above a whisper. His hand slows and comes to a stop. He stretches out his arms to hold him up against the counter as he hovers above you and lets you take over. 

You reach out and grab on to him. You marvel at its size and how weighty it feels in your hands as you start to rub them up and down. His skin is hot and velvety smooth and pulled tightly. Your pace is much slower but more precise. You feel the veins bulge under your grasp as your fingers glide up and down his length.  

A moan hitches in his throat as you rub your thumb over his sensitive tip. You do it again and again. Teasing Joel Miller feels dangerous. You can feel how ragged he is and how close he is to coming. You want to make him come undone.  

“God, damn it.” Joel grunts under his breath. He peels back your hand and painfully pulls it off of him. His cock twitches at the loss of your touch. He stands up straight and towers over you as you shrink back.  

“Get on your knees.” He commands with his hand firmly on your wrist as he pulls your face closer to his. It sends a shiver through your body and you oblige. Any warmth in his eyes has been lost and he is staring at you; dark and menacing. He throws your wrist away and grips his hand along the side of your neck. His touch is rough and urgent. His fingers snake around to the back of your neck as he pulls you closer to him while you drop down. They twist into your hair and he has a hold on the back of your head. It doesn’t hurt, but his grasp is firm and might if you tried to fight it.  

He takes his cock back in his grasp with his other hand and pumps it. His movements are jerky and his breathing is labored. You can tell he is so close. He roughly pulls your head back by your hair to look up at him.

“You gonna’ finish what you started?” he asks with darkened eyes. “Then open up.” He commands you through clenched teeth. 

You respond with an uncontainable smirk. You part your mouth slowly and let your tongue hang out, never taking your eyes off his. You sit back onto your knees so that you are slightly under him and wait patiently. He widens his stance. His hand slides to the top of your head and tangles in your hair. You can feel him slowly starting to lose control and come undone before you while he strokes himself. You brace yourself, hooking your fingers into the back of his thighs and clawing at his jeans. You can smell his sex and feel his heat but he holds you just out of reach and makes you wait while your thirst grows. 

Finally he taps the head of his weighty cock against your tongue and you lick at his slit, sending him over the edge. He groans as his thick spend coats your tongue and drips messily onto your chin. You close your mouth around him as he begins to stall out and swallow, pulling the final drops of cum from him while you choke his cock with your mouth. 

“Good girl.” He rasps at you. “So fucking good.” His grip on you loosens and he tenderly drags his hand along your jawline. You relax your mouth and let him slide himself out. He groans when your tongue licks the underside of him as he pulls out. 

He thumbs over some of his mess that falls out of your mouth and curls his thumb over your bottom lip. You lick him clean and he moves to hold your face in his hands while you look up at him.

“My good girl.” His words shoot straight to your core and make you weak. He brushes your hair behind your ear and helps you up. He places another kiss on your head and wraps his arms around you. His hot and heavy body feels so good against yours. You tilt your head up and press your mouth into him one more time.

“Are we even now?” you joke. Joel smiles. Everything about him feels warmer. He peels himself away from you and steps back, leaning against the island. You adjust your clothes and zip yourself back up while he does the same.

“Actually… think I might owe you now.” Joel says with a playful tone. He crosses his arms in front of his chest and shakes his head at you like he can’t believe his predicament. You like the idea of Joel owing you. 

–

You don’t spend the night. He offers to walk you home but you opt to go alone. It felt good to get some fresh air, to clear your head and recap the night. You also wanted to leave him wanting more.

You weren’t sure what would come from this situation with Joel, but you knew you barely scratched the surface with him. He was rough around the edges but you liked that about him. You liked that a lot. 

(Continue to Part 2!)

A/N: More to come! Undecided how many chapters but I have quite a bit mapped out. Please be kind. This is my first fic and it is nerve wrecking to post! If you loved it, PLEASE let me know. I'd love to know your thoughts so far! What did you like? What do you want more of? How much angst can your heart take? I aim to test it in future chapters. Comments/Reblogs are appreciated so much. Thank you all

Also special thanks to @magpiepills for the lovely cover photo (and her mood board inspirations she helped with along the way!) and to both her and @legendary-pink-dot for reading my first draft and giving their feedback AND courage to post this.

If you wish to know when I post the next chapter, please follow @ArcaneFoxFics and turn on notifications!

Love to my friends who give me the courage and support to do all the things @magpiepillsjunior @legendary-pink-dot @exquisiteserotonin @youandmeand5bucks @redhotkitchen @sparklefarts38 @pink-whiskey-woman @for-a-longlongtime

[wlntrsldler]

poisoned mercury | bad reputation

ii. bad reputation by joan jett & the blackhearts 

a/n: andddd we're at chb! reader is mean to luke lol. vaping, smoking, mentions of addiction. crumbs of clarisse x chris!

series masterlist | previous | next

“kid, you really need to look at the bright side,” your dad said, taking a sip of his diet coke. “you get to summer in montauk for free. no paying rent, no worrying about what to eat, the world is your oyster.” 

“i don’t understand why i have to spend the entire summer here,” you glared at him, close to ripping your hair out. 

“you’re smarter than that,” he replied, placing his can down on his table. he kicked back in his chair, letting his sandal-covered feet prop up on his desk. his aloha shirt wrinkled as he placed his arms crossed behind his head. he was taking his camp manager role too seriously. “you got put on probation by your field hockey coach.” 

your eyes narrowed, “and?” 

“... for punching a teammate.” 

“who deserved it!” you argued, huffing as you sat on the seat across from him. if there wasn’t a desk separating you from your dad, you were sure you would’ve strangled him with the camp necklace around his neck. “i promised you i’d be on my best behavior, but no. you decided that i needed to be glued to camp all summer.” 

“listen,” he leaned over on his desk, “the girl probably deserved it, but you still got kicked out from summer conditioning, kid– from the top field hockey team in the country! not everyone gets to attend unc but you did and you fucked that opportunity, so until you can prove to me that you have your shit together, you’re stuck in montauk.” 

“gods, you’re ridiculous!” you howled, getting up from your seat. “i hate you.” 

“love you!” he called out, chuckling to himself. you got your dramatic flair from him so he couldn’t fault you too much for your reaction. he probably would’ve reacted way worse if he was in your position. 

“yeah, yeah,” you yelled back, already out of his office. “love ya, too.” 

you walked out into the campgrounds, still huffing and puffing at your interaction with your dad. groups of children and teenagers were checking in for the summer. it amazed you how popular camp half blood became over the years. your dad wanted to create a summer camp for aspiring musicians and creatives to meet others and learn from professionals. he already had the network for it given that he used to be a hot-shot producer in the mid-nineties until he fell into his addiction. 

your dad never talked much about those dark moments in his life, and not many people knew about it, but he was happy to tell you about what came after it; meeting your mom, falling in love, and having you. his sobriety became his top priority when you were born, after you and your mom, of course. camp half blood started out as a dream your dad had when you were still a child, unsure of what you were passionate about, and he hoped you’d fall in love with music the same way he did. right before you turned four, he opened camp half blood. he said he wanted to have the place up and running and established by the time you were old enough to join. but alas, when you turned six and still had no musical or creative bone in your body, your dad’s hopes of having a musical protégé as a daughter were shattered. 

he bounced back from it though when he saw how passionate you were about field hockey. the second you picked up a stick, he saw your eyes brighten and he knew it was lights out from then on. he attended all of your games, bought you the best gear for the sport, and supported you in any way he could. you were thankful for that, for him, but you also knew that he probably would’ve preferred a kid he could talk music with. you saw it when he bragged about the new artists he signed to olympus records or when he talked about the kids at camp half blood. 

you took a sharp right turn at the corner of the dining hall, making a beeline to the secret spot by the lake that you stumbled across when you were fourteen. it was the place you retreated to whenever you and your dad fought while you were at camp. fights and arguments between you two happened often. your mom said it was because you were too similar for your own good. it was true. you and your dad were both stubborn, hot-headed, and unable to accept when you were wrong, but it also meant that you and your dad understood each other on a level that not many father-daughter duos did. 

even though you refused to tell him–or anyone for that matter– why the altercation with your teammate happened, your dad was on your side. he always was. 

you sat on the worn out bench, years of weather damage evident on the wood, taking out your cherry ice vape from your pocket. it was a vice you picked up in college. you weren’t proud of it, and it definitely started affecting your ability to play, but the stress of being a student-athlete, plus all the commotion with your probation started to get to you. 

you stared out into the view, appreciating the way the trees framed the lake in a picturesque way. camp half blood was beautiful; nature everywhere, there was utter silence except for the sound of water and birds chirping when you got far enough away from the noise and chatter of the campers, and the weather in the summer months was perfect. you let the smoke escape your lips, watching as the cloud dissipated into the air. 

“oh, my bad. i didn’t realize someone would be out here.” 

you turned around to see a boy, an unlit cigarette hanging from the corner of his lips. he wore a black, tight-fitting t-shirt and gray sweatpants. there was a silver chain hanging around his neck with a pendant tucked underneath his shirt. his tussled curls peeked under his backwards yankees cap. 

“spot’s taken,” you said, facing the view once more. you took a deep breath, sliding your vape in the pocket of the hoodie you wore. “go somewhere else.” 

“that thing’s gonna kill you, y’know.” either the boy didn’t hear you or he didn’t care enough to listen because he slid on the bench next to you, taking out a lighter for his cigarette. he closed his eyes, letting the nicotine into his system, “that has like chemicals and shit.” 

you scoffed, “like your cig is any better.” 

“i know what i’m putting in my body,” he shrugged. he motioned aimlessly in your direction, “you don’t know what’s in there. it hasn’t been around long enough for us to know the long term effects.” 

“‘m not planning to be doing this long term.”

“sure,” he smiled at you, unconvinced. “i’m luke.” 

you stared at his outstretched hand, shaking your head, “i’m not interested.” 

“i was just trying to be polite.” 

“if you want to be polite, find another spot to smoke.” 

luke eyed you, undeterred by your hostility. he leaned back on the bench, taking another puff, “nah, i’m good right here.” 

you took out your vape again knowing that you’ll need it to get through this conversation. the two of you sat in silence as you both smoked, letting the smell of the cigarette mix in with the artificial cherry scent. you tried your best to ignore the boy beside you, but it was hard to when he was so close to you. the bench seemed much larger when you were fourteen, when you were alone as its only occupier. 

“so five star, tough day?” 

“what did you call me?” 

“five star,” luke nodded to your hoodie, flicking off the ashes on his cigarette. “your unc field hockey hoodie? like five star recruit.” 

you looked down at your sweater, completely forgetting that you were wearing your team merchandise. you tugged on the collar awkwardly, suddenly feeling like you were exposed. “oh.” 

“so, tough day?” 

you glared at him, “what makes you say that?” 

“well, for starters, it’s the first day of camp and you’re by yourself away from where all the fun shit is happening, smoking a fucking– what is that? strawberry?”

“cherry ice,” you corrected. 

“cherry ice vape,” luke continued, “and you’re biting my head off for trying to start a conversation.” 

“maybe i’m having a bad day because a boy disrupted my me-time and decided to start a fucking conversation when i obviously want to be alone.” 

luke chuckled, pointing to the cigarette between his fingers, “relax, i’ll get out of your hair after this one.” 

“don’t make it a habit.” 

“what? smoking?” he asked, a boyish smile on his face. “already a habit of mine.” 

“interupting my me-time,” you replied, blowing out rings with the smoke in your mouth. “i don’t care what you do to your body.” 

“should we exchange numbers and coordinate when we’ll be using the spot?” 

you rolled your eyes at the teasing tone of his voice. this guy just doesn’t quit, “no, because you won’t be coming back here.” 

“i dunno,” luke looked out into the lake, a soft smile on his face. “i like it here. it’s pretty.” 

“i was here first.” you weren’t backing down. this was your spot. your secret spot, at that. not many campers ventured this far out into the woods, too afraid to get caught by their counselors and get in trouble, or too scared to get lost in the maze of trees. 

“sharing is caring, y’know,” his tone was playful.

you looked at him, no emotion on your features. you studied his face, furrowing your eyebrows like you were trying to place him. he looked familiar like you’d seen his face before. his eyes were big and brown, innocent looking compared to the smirk on his lips. a scar ran down the side of his face, subtle, but noticeable if you looked hard enough. it was slightly discolored compared to the rest of his face. his jaw sharp and cheekbones defined, with beginnings of a summer blush dusted across the bridge of his nose and the high points of his face. behind his ear, a small tattoo of the number “4” was hidden under his curls. his ears were pierced, two, small diamond studs on each earlobe. 

you’d seen him before, but you just couldn’t remember where and when for the life of you. 

you blinked, “i don’t like to share.” 

he threw the butt of his cigarette on the floor, gently stomping out the remnants of it with the tip of his converse convered feet, “noted.” 

you watched as he got up, keeping his promise of leaving you alone after one cigarette. the smirk on his face remained as he turned to face you before he left, “see you around, five star.” 

you made an noncommittal noise, not missing the sound of a deep rumble from his chest as he laughed at your dismissal. you watched him disappear into the trees, noting how his back flexed under his tight shirt as he cleared a path to avoid ducking under stray branches. 

you waited around twenty minutes before getting up to leave. you didn’t want to risk running into luke again, just in case he got lost on his way back. you were not going to lead him back to the safety of camp. if he got lost after trying to take over your spot, then so be it. that wasn’t your problem. 

as you entered the main campgrounds, you saw clarisse, a teammate of yours, who also got put on probation for coming to your defense, leaning against a tree trunk by the registration table. she needed a summer job and housing since she wasn’t allowed to come to practices and live on campus during her probation period, and you were quick to recommend her to your dad to be a camp counselor for the summer. thankfully, your dad was kind enough to say yes. at least you wouldn’t be alone all summer. 

you walked over to her, smiling kindly at the young kids you ran into on the way, excited out of their minds to be away from home for the next few months. “what’s up, la rue?” 

she smacked your arm, “why didn’t you tell me?” 

“ow,” you winced, clutching your upper arm. the girl was strong. there were many moments where you were thankful that you played for the same team. you did not want to be the poor girl who stood in clarisse’s way when she was in the zone. “tell you what?” 

“poisoned mercury!” she hissed, crossing her arms over her chest, “why didn’t you tell me they were gonna be here this summer?” 

“oh,” you rolled your eyes, “i didn’t think it was a big deal.” 

“not everyone grew up around celebrities, y/n,” clarisse reminded you, shaking her head. “sometimes, i forget that you did. you don’t talk about it as much as i would if i grew up like you.” 

“yeah, well, it’s not all glitz and glamor, to be honest.” 

you thought about your last relationship– a boy from california that you met during one of your dad’s work trips. it was a whirlwind summer romance that ended in a lot of heartbreak and a promise to yourself that you would never, ever date another musician again. your dad did try to warn you about him, subtly, of course, since he knew better than to butt into a teenage girl’s relationship. the boy had been begging your dad for a record deal for ages and he thought that by dating you, he’d get one step closer to his goal. your dad dangled the possibility of a record deal in front of him like a carrot, his own personal entertainment since he saw right through the boy, and ended up blacklisting him from the industry after he broke your heart. 

a little extreme? sure, but it wasn’t like he was that talented anyway. you still cringe when you remember his terrible rendition of “grenade” by bruno mars. 

“do you know when they get here?” clarisse asked, snapping you out of your thoughts. 

“i dunno, don’t care,” you shrugged, “when did you become such a huge fan?” 

“since i saw how hot their bassist is,” she laughed, a twinkle of mischief in her eyes. “seriously, y/n, chris rodriguez is fine.” 

“enough, there are kids around,” you shoved her playfully, laughing as you motioned for her to follow you into the cabin you were staying in. “i didn’t know they were gonna be here, actually.” 

“your dad didn’t tell you?” 

“i’ve been on a strict ‘no talking, unless it’s yelling’ rule with my dad the past few months,” you explained, entering your room and closing the door behind you. your bags were messily thrown across the floor, bed unmade, and walls empty. you didn’t get around to decorating and putting things in their place before you gave your dad a piece of your mind. “and i refused to accept that i would be staying here all summer.” 

“it’s not that bad so far,” she moved your training bag from your bed, sitting on it, “the kids are adorable little music nerds. i don’t think they’ll cause too much trouble.” 

“for your sake, ares cabin head counselor, i really hope they don’t,” you teased, beginning to put your things away. “i’m not worried about the kids, actually. it’s more of the people our age that i’m worried about. musicians can be such dicks.” 

“true,” she agreed, “do you remember the kid who acted like he was hot shit when he performed at the fall concert at unc?” 

“yes!” you let out a belly laugh, “the one who shamelessly flirted with lena?”

clarisse nodded, falling on your bed in a fit of laughter, “then ran away when he saw charlie.” 

“i mean charlie is a scary-looking dude,” you commented, taking off your hoodie and stuffing it into one of the drawers. you fixed the camp half blood shirt you wore under it, “big ass linebacker.” 

“but the biggest teddy bear.” 

“the biggest,” you grinned, thinking about your friends back on campus. you already missed them and your crazy, late-night adventures in your college town. you and clarisse met charlie the summer before your freshman year at unc during athlete orientation. he shyly asked if he could sit next to you and clarisse in the back row, not wanting to block the view for people behind him if he were to sit in the front. he was a timid guy for someone who could probably bulldoze you and clarisse without breaking a sweat. 

he introduced you to his girlfriend, silena, when the school year started, and the four of you became inseparable ever since. you were glad you found a friend group in college, one that you could trust and depend on. 

“and this is the cabin where you all will be staying.” 

you looked back at clarisse, eyes widening as you heard your dad’s voice in the living room of the cabin. he didn’t tell you that someone other than clarisse was going to be staying in the cabin with you. 

“there are six rooms in total. one master and five others. there are three bathrooms. one’s in the master and the other two are out here. this is the living room and the small kitchen is down the hall,” he continued to explain, “my daughter has dibs on the master bedroom, though, so tough luck for you guys.” 

“i didn’t know you had a daughter, mr. d.” it was a boy’s voice.

“yeah, i do, y/n,” your dad said. you can practically hear the smile in his voice. “she doesn’t like the limelight so i don’t bring her up too much. i’ll introduce you guys to her when i see her.” 

“chris, put that down!” another voice. this time it was a woman. she sounded older, and tired, like she’d said that phrase a million times before. “sorry about them, mr. d. they may all be of age, but i swear it still feels like they’re kids.” 

your dad laughed, “trust me, i get it, may. my little girl is turning 19 soon, but she’d give her 12-year-old self a run for her money.” 

“i call this room!” 

“travis, you can’t just call dibs on rooms when the rest of us haven’t gotten a chance to take a look around.” 

“you snooze, you lose, rodriguez.” 

clarisse jolted from your bed, jaw hanging as she put the puzzle pieces together. she pointed at the door, whispering, “is that poisoned mercury?” 

your dad was in the middle of a conversation with the woman, may, when you opened your bedroom door to investigate. he was nodding along to what she was saying, taking mental notes of her words. you walked towards them, giving may a polite smile when she noticed you coming their way. 

“speak of the devil,” your dad clapped his hands, placing a hand on your back to guide you into the conversation. “may, this is my daughter, y/n. y/n, this is may castellan, poisoned mercury’s manager.” 

you held out your hand, “nice to meet you.” 

“oh god, a teenager with manners,” she exhaled, immediately accepting your handshake, “pleasure to meet you.” 

“you know we can still hear you, right, mama c?” a boy with curly hair peeked his head out from the room beside clarisse’s. he was wearing a white tank top, his tanned skin adorned with patchwork tattoos on full display. he had a pearl necklace around his neck, a charm of the band’s logo resting between his collarbones. he had a wide smile as if he wore his emotions proudly on his face. “these walls are thin.” 

“you were supposed to hear me, chris,” she replied, rolling her eyes jokingly. 

you tilted your head, analyzing the boy. you understood what clarisse meant. he wasn’t your type, but he was definitely hers. she always did like the golden retriever type. you raised your arm, giving him a small wave, “hey, i’m y/n.” 

“it’s the famous y/n!” you turned around at the sound of your name to see a boy with dark hair and a vintage iron maiden shirt on. he was leaning against his doorframe, toned arms flexed as he stuffed his hands in his front pockets. “travis.” 

another boy, looking eerily similar to travis popped his head out his door at the sounds of introductions. you cocked an eyebrow, “are you guys tw–”

the boy shook his head, stating “no we’re not,” at the same time as travis nodded, “yes we are.” 

you looked at may for help. she shook her head, throwing a pointed look at travis, “they are not. travis is older than connor by a year.” 

“which one of you fuckers stole my charger?” 

you froze in your spot. you knew that voice. your mind started connecting the dots then– luke castellan, lead singer of poisoned mercury. you’d seen pictures of him on your twitter timeline from both your friends from college and from home. he seemed to be the topic of conversation every week because there was a new thing to write about. his wild rockstar adventures were a crowd favorite. 

you once heard that he had a pet monkey that he bought with his first check from their album sales, but tmz reported it so it wasn’t the most reliable source. the last article you saw about luke was titled “leaving a trail of broken hearts: luke castellan’s extensive dating history and how they ended.” typical. 

“oh, luke, i want you to meet my daughter,” your dad beamed, none the wiser. he placed his hands on your shoulders, twisting your body to face the boy. 

you pursed your lips, biting the inside of your cheek. so much for him getting lost.

“five star, nice to see you again,” luke’s eyes lit up, the corner of his lips quirking up in a smile, “looks like we’re roommates.”

[bettyfrommars]

Dirty Metal Summer

a Dirty Dancing au

Part 4: Never Say Never

18+ONLY, MDNI, eventual smut, mention of blood and violence, a knife wound, mention of wounds, Jason being a typical prick, mention of assault, Steve gets hurt, misogynistic language, some angst, hurt and comfort. Reader goes by the nickname Bird. Eddie is in his late 20's and Reader is 21.

word count: 4.3k

masterlist playlist

Summary: You learn everything you need to know about both Jason and Troy while getting a taste of what Chrissy has had to deal with. Eddie tries to push you away but fails miserably. Robin and Steve are in a dire situation, and you turn to one of the only people you trust. A new opportunity presents itself and you decide to take the leap.

A/N: It's been so fun to put all of these characters into the setting of this beloved film. For those of you who are familiar with Dirty Dancing, I hope you enjoy a few of the scenes in this that were taken directly from it.

The next day, the three of you made your way to another spot on the lake in a rented boat for a picnic.  Under the shade of a tree while your dad napped and Kim read a romance novel, you tried to draw Eddie. The curve of his mouth, the way his bangs skirted his eyebrows, the blunt nature of his nose.  When you got home, you practiced in the attic for an hour, thought about throwing your cello off the balcony just to watch it splinter to pieces, and then you found yourself staring out the window, hoping for a glimpse of Eddie.  

After dinner, you were the last one to leave the table, and the waiter Jason nudged your shoulder.

“Your dad seems really cool,” he gave a toothy, golden boy smile. “He signed a copy of one of his books for my mom.”  

“He’s alright, I think I’ll keep him,” you said without returning the smile.  Kim stopped in the archway to the foyer to turn and check if you were following, but you waved her off.  Getting to know Jason was not high on your priority list, but you remembered Eddie flicking his cigarette at him that first day you arrived, and your curiosity was piqued.

Jason bent at the waist to stack some plates together, giving you a wink over his shoulder.  “Listen, I know you’re kinda seeing Troy and all, but if you ever want to hang out we can—”

“I’m not seeing Troy,” you hissed, making sure the last few tables full of people couldn’t hear you. You were about to say he was “just a friend” but he wasn’t even that.  “I barely know him.”

“Well, that’s not what he says,” Jason cocked his head, placing the used silverware on the tray as he moved around the table.  “But anyway, if  you ever want to have some fun, get away from this place or whatever, I could show you some stuff,” he lifted his eyebrows a few times suggestively.  “Wait, you’re over 18, right?”

You followed him, ignoring his offer.  “What did Troy tell you?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know,” he chuckled, as if it were funny. “Hey, I saw you talking to Chrissy the other day and, friendly advice? I’d keep your distance from that whole group if I were you.”

You held up the flower vase so he could pull the tablecloth off.  “How do you know Chrissy?”

Jason cleared his throat, glancing at the people eating across the way.  “I guess you could say Chrissy and I had some fun last summer.”

“She was your girlfriend?”

“She wishes,” he scoffed.  “God created girls like Chrissy for one reason and one reason only.”

“Oh? And what reason is that?” You stopped helping him and stepped back.

“C’mon Bird, I know you’re from the suburbs, but you’re not that naive,” he moved the bin of dirty dishes to an empty chair. 

He stepped closer and leaned in, whispering. “Girls like Chrissy, with serious daddy issues, they’re a great fuck, but no one wants to marry them. Same reason your boyfriend Troy had a turn with her.”

“He’s not my boyfriend,” You said through gritted teeth, an internal rage building as you watched his mouth, picking up a piece of silverware as you went. 

“She hides it well at work, but Chrissy’s one of those satanic metalhead freaks you’d never want to be seen in public with.  Not if  you had any self respect anyway.”

He continued, and you followed him over to the alcove by the kitchen, out of view from the other customers.  “Some people matter and some people don’t, that’s all I’m saying. If she thought Troy would ever get serious with a girl like her, that’s her fault, not his.”

“Is that why I saw them arguing the other day? She wanted to be with him but he ended it?”

You were pushing the boundaries of gossip, but could tell Jason enjoyed the attention.

“I doubt it, those two were never serious,” he moved back for another waiter to pass by.  “Chrissy keeps threatening to tell Joyce that Troy forced himself on her the last time they were together, but we all know that’s a lie.  She was practically begging for it.  Plus, it’s her word against his, and everyone knows she’s a whore.”

“I see.”

Jason leaned in so close his lips were almost grazing your ear.  “If you want to come by later, my cabin number is—”

The fork you had in your hand jabbed between his legs, points finding their soft target with ease.  Jason let out a high-pitched curse that made a few heads turn, but he was helpless not to back up as you moved forward, forcing him further down the hallway, out of sight.  

“Whattt the fuck, shit, fuck you, bitch, what the shit—”

When you pushed the utensil in further, he whimpered a gasping plea to stop, but your aim made him too vulnerable to move. 

You leaned in so that your body was close to his in the darkness of the corner, close enough to smell the cheap cologne he wore.  “Do you have any idea how powerful the lawyers are that work for my dad? Try anything with me or Chrissy, and you’ll be sorry you ever met me.”

You stepped back and he coughed, bending over to cover his crotch with both hands, trying to catch his breath.  

“You’re a fucking cunt,” he spat.

You charged forward again, forcing him to stumble back, putting his hands up as a form of surrender.  

You winked, and threw the fork at him on your way out, letting it clatter to the ground.  

—-------

The adrenaline was still pumping when you were halfway back to your cabin on foot and spotted Eddie.  He was cutting across the grass from the sidewalk, heading away from you.

“Eddie!”

But he didn’t falter, as if he couldn’t hear you, but that was impossible.  Unless he had headphones on? Nope, you didn’t see any.  

He picked up his pace.  

Instinct told you maybe he didn’t want to be bothered, or he was in a hurry somewhere, but your buzzing brain overrode all of the logic.

“Hey, do you have a second?” You finally caught up to him on the lawn under the trees where the outside movie was usually playing.

He stopped abruptly and dropped his shoulders, taking a breath before he turned, albeit reluctantly, to look at you.  His expression was weary, if not wholly nonplussed.

“What’s up?” His tone was cold as he wet his lips and braced his hands at his hips.  His toolbelt and his staff shirt were still on, as if he were on the clock so late in the evening.  “I’ve got a…thing to get to.  But if you need something, you just gotta ask up at the front desk. Or dial 0 on the phone in your—-””

“A thing at the Hideout?”

The muscles in his jaw tightened at that.  You looked fucking adorable standing there with your hands balled into fists as if you were bout to punch him.  

He breathed out, looking everywhere but your face.  “Don’t you have some other vacation thing you should be doing right now? Like charades in the west lobby or salsa dancing on the veranda?”

You crossed your arms over your chest.  “I suppose anything would be better than this lame conversation.”

The retort made his brows jut up.  “Well, keep on walking, your highness,” he extended his arms in a flowing gesture.  “Don’t let a lowlife like me stop you.”

“Fine.”

“Good.”

So, he turned and continued on his way, wood hammer handle slapping his thigh from its side holster.  But it only took a few steps for him to halt, cursing through gritted teeth when he realized he couldn’t walk away from you, it just wasn’t that easy.

When he spun around, you were standing in the same spot but with your back to him.  “Was there something you wanted to ask me?”

You pivoted on your heel, prepared to be cunty right back, but you couldn’t help but soften once your eyes met.  You could’ve made something up in that moment, or you could’ve feigned forgetfulness, but instead, you told him the truth.

“I just wanted to see you.” You swallowed hard and so did he.

Eddie stiffened; a grin teasing at the corner of his mouth.  He didn’t smile though, he couldn’t.  Such a gesture would betray everything he did not want to feel at that moment.  A pregnant silence lingered thick in the space between you while he worked his jaw, once again trying to avoid looking directly at your face. He wasn’t ready to have those types of feelings, especially for someone he could never have.  

“There is something I have to do first, but I’ll be at the Hideout later if you want…I mean, if you want to walk down there and have a beer…that’s where I’ll be.”

“I’d like that,” was all you should’ve said, but then you added.  “I like beer.”

—-----

Your heart was in your throat as you made your way back from the cabin in a fresh change of clothes.  You practiced the things you would say when you saw Eddie again, in case your brain to mouth connection betrayed you again.  

The path you were on led down beyond the tennis courts and the golf course, and then along a strip of parking near the employee cabins. The Hideout was not too far off, you noticed, but then there were bright headlights beaming at you, and you kept your head down, pumping your arms to the beat of your own thoughts.  

But then you heard a scream.

It was someone in distress, and it sounded like…Robin? 

Stuttering to a halt, you squinted looking into the headlights that were a good many yards away, not yet able to make out a person or even what type of car was there.  

“Hello?” You stepped from the sidewalk, inching closer, but your words were only met with the sound of a door slamming. “Are you okay? Who is there?”

Robin came toward you then; there was what looked like blood smeared on the front of her shirt.  

“Bird!” She seemed so relieved to see you, hurrying forward with tear-soaked cheeks. She was speaking in a tense whisper, checking around to see if there were others who might hear her. “Have you seen Eddie?”

You forgot how to speak as you took in the situation, mouth agape.  “Are you…hurt? What’s going on?”

“I’m–I’m fine, it’s Steve,” a sob caught in her throat.  “I need to find Eddie.  Can you help me?”

“Yeah of course,” you gushed, following her to the van to maybe see what the damage was.  

She opened the passenger door to the van and Steve would’ve fallen out if she hadn’t caught him.  He was slumped there like dead weight, his face a sheet of white.

You hurried to help hold him up and your hand at his hip slipped along something warm and viscous over his jeans in the dark.  His head lolled forward and he mumbled something incoherent, but it was good to know he was conscious.

From what you could see, one side of his face was swollen, his lip split open and bleeding.  The hand closest to you looked raw and angry like he’s been punching a brick wall, and there were cuts on his arm from where he’d tried to block the strikes.

“One of them had a switchblade,” Robin gushed.  “Motherfuckers, they stabbed him and I—-there were too many of them.  We didn’t know.  My ex, she had all of her friends there.  She lied and told them Steve hurt her.  He’d never even met her before and then—-”

“Robin, we need to get him to a hospital,” you propped Steve back up in the seat, ready to get behind the wheel if necessary. “He looks like he’s lost a lot of blood.”

“No hospitals!” They both said in unison, but Steve’s voice was more of a groan. “I can take care of him.  Help me get him back to my cabin?”

“But, Robin—” you were genuinely concerned for his welfare, but also could not force them to go.

“This isn’t the first time Steve’s been hurt, okay? They find out he’s been involved in any type of fight and he’ll be on his ass. Help me, please.”

With Steve’s arms hooked around each of your shoulders, you went step by step.  Steve barked in pain a few times as your free hand hugged the clothing to his wound.  You could tell his leg was hurt too, as he was having a hard time walking.  

Halfway to Robin's cabin, which was maybe a 100 yards up the sidewalk but felt like 10 miles, Jamie, Eddie’s new assistant came rushing down off of his nearby porch.

“What the fuck happened?” He moved to help you, to shift Steve’s weight onto him.

“Go get Eddie please? Tell him to hurry!”  

Jamie looked from you to her, calculating where he thought Eddie would be, and then took off at a jog.  

By the time you made it to the cabin, a handful of other employees were rushing in to help as well, following Robin’s instructions as she told them to put a clean sheet on her bed and boil some water.  Once he was safe on the bed, more people rushed in, and you sunk back in the crowd.

They said no hospitals, but you knew someone who could help.  

—------

You couldn’t remember running back to your cabin, it all happened so fast, your brain could barely keep up with your feet.  Not to mention that you hated running.  You paused at the door, hoping your dad wasn’t awake.  You couldn’t let him see the blood on your clothes, he’d overreact in the worst way, and then the cops would be involved.  Not to mention the fact that you’d lied earlier and said you were going to hang out with Troy.

Just in case, you took off  your stained sweater and tucked it under your arm, revealing a clean tank top underneath.  Thankfully, the house was dark and quiet, and you tip-toed in a rush to your aunt’s room.  

“Kim?” 

She was on her side with a pillow over her head.

You rushed up and sat on the bed, jostling her a bit until she pulled the pillow away and blinked at you.

“What the—what’s going on?” She sat up. “Is your dad okay?”

“No, he’s fine,” you whispered, tugging at her arm.  “But I need you to come with me.”

“You need me to come with you now?” she balked, swiping hair out of her face, scrambling for her eyeglasses to look at the numbers on the bedside clock.  “Bird, it’s almost midnight.”  

She kicked her legs off the bed with a groan, watching you dig through her closet.  You pulled out her leather, Swiss Army medical bag with all of her emergency travel supplies in it and slung it over your shoulder.

“I need your help,” you paused to make sure you were being quiet enough.  “Someone’s hurt.  I can’t explain right now, there’s no time. Please just trust me.”

She could see the fear and the emotion in your eyes, and didn’t ask any more questions as she went over to pull some clothes out of her drawers, removing her nightgown to get dressed as fast as she could.  

—------

You filled her in on what you knew as you both hurried along at a fast pace.  “Bird, a stab wound is serious.  We need to call the—”

“We can’t!” You barked it much more harshly than you’d intended.  “Please,” you softened.  “It would take another hour for an ambulance to get out here anyway. Plus, I don’t think he has insurance.”

There was a crowd of people mingling on the porch around Robin’s cabin, and Kim pushed through them.  The doorway itself was blocked by bodies, and once inside, the bed with Steve on it was at the center of the room.  The employee cabins were all small and quaint, with a kitchenette against the far wall, and a beaded curtain that led to a bathroom with a standing shower. Kim raised her voice to be heard over the ones still blocking her way.

“Everyone stand back, please? I'm a nurse.”

Eddie was almost as pale as Steve when you saw him at his friend’s side.  He was shirtless under his leather jacket, atop his black, belted jeans, like he’d left his cabin in a hurry. They’d removed Steve’s shirt, revealing an expanse of chest hair, cleaned him, and put a fresh towel over the wound.  The blood wasn’t gushing, but he was gritting his teeth in pain, and the puffiness on his face made him almost unrecognizable from one side. 

Kim looked from Robin to Eddie, rolling her sleeves up.  “I need a sink to wash my hands in.  Tell everyone else to leave, please?”

While Eddie forced all of the gawkers out, he made lingering eye contact with you, and you nodded to let him know everything would be alright.

Kim scooted a metal camp chair up by the bed and opened her medical bag, snapping her latex gloves on.  “Hi there Steven, do you remember me? I’m going to take a look at you, okay?”

He swallowed. “How could I forget you?” His voice was scratchy, and when he tried to smile, he blanched in pain again. “You should see the other guy.”

“I know that must hurt,” Kim pulled a vial of liquid from one of the many pockets in her bag. “I’m going to give you something for the pain.”

She was doing her best to soothe him, keeping him apprised of every move she made, keeping him comfortable.

Eddie shut the door, locking everyone else out, including Chrissy, and came to stand behind you, cupping his hands on your arms, his warm body pressing into your back.  The sensation made you dizzy.  Maybe he needed the comfort, or he thought you did, but either way—you were grateful.  

Kim looked up.  “Robin? Is that your name?”

Robin nodded, inching closer, her eyes puffy from crying. 

“You did a really good job of cleaning his wound.  Do you think you could stay and assist? He’s going to need stitches.”

Robin was quick to nod emphatically.  “You think he’s going to be okay?” A sob hitched in her throat. “He was protecting me.  If I’d never gone there…if I…then he wouldn’t…” You went over to put your arm around her as fresh tears fell and dripped down her chin.  

Kim caught Steve staring at her, dragging long blinks as the morphine took effect, his dry lips parted and pink with blood from his broken nose.  She didn’t like answering those types of questions when she knew so little about the internal damage, but she found herself brushing hair off his forehead in a way that was not normally in her bedside manner.  

“I have a good feeling he’ll live to make plenty more mistakes,” but then she quickly dropped her hand and went back to work.

“What can I do?” Eddie asked, stepping out from behind you, to the foot of the bed. 

Kim frowned as she inspected the two broken fingers on one of Steve’s hands.  “I’d like some coffee.  Black, two sugars,” she said without looking up.  “But the rest of you might as well go get some sleep.  This is going to take a while.”

—-------

Kim begged you to go home so as to not worry your father when he woke up to an empty house, being that the sun would probably be up before she was done.  You knew she was right, but you watched Eddie and Jamie go up the hill to the main house for a coffee run with longing reluctance.  He ended up grabbing an entire coffee maker from the kitchen and a pitcher of water to make sure Kim had everything she needed for the night.  

The next day, after pretending like nothing happened over brunch, and your dad went back to writing, you returned to Robin’s cabin with Kim to check on Steve.  

Before rounding the corner to the porch, you heard Eddie’s voice before you saw him.

“...Chris, there is no way we’ll be able to find a bass player this late in the game,” he huffed.

And then Chrissy spoke up.  “We can’t just bail on this gig, Ed.  This could be huge for us.  There has to be some—”

“Who?” His tone was annoyed.  Not so much at her, but at the situation. “Emily will be out of town and Sean has a gig with his own band. We are out of options.”

“We have two weeks to find someone,” she chimed, full of hope.

“Yeah. Barely two weeks.” He leaned back against the railing of the porch so he could see him from where you and Kim stood frozen.  “That’s not enough time.”

But then Kim stepped forward.  “Hello everyone. It’s me again. Nurse Ratched.”

They both turned to greet her with enthusiasm, and Eddie extended his hand to help her up the stairs, even though she didn’t need it.  

A smile quivered on his mouth when he locked eyes with you.  

Kim knocked first, and then you heard her ask how her patient was doing once Robin let her in.  

Chrissy and Eddie got quiet, possibly wondering how much you had heard.  He wore a black, ribbed tank top under his unbuttoned work shirt, and Chrissy was in her waitress uniform as if she’d stopped by on her way to the main house.  

“Everything good?” You broke the silence, feeling awkward. 

They both spoke at once, but then Chrissy gestured for Eddie to continue. “Everything is good, it’s great.  Your aunt, what she did for Steve last night, it was incredible,” he turned to snatch his smokes off of the table as he said it.  “I didn’t know there were still people in the world willing to help strangers like that.”

“She’s pretty terrific,” you swallowed, noting the looks that the two kept exchanging. “What about the two of you? I guess this means you are out a bass player for a while?”

Besides the obvious trauma to his face and stomach, fingers on Steve's hand were broken from how hard he’d fought back.  Even though Kim had been able to set them in splints, and they would eventually heal, it’d be a while before he could pick up a guitar again.  She couldn’t speculate on the nerve damage, but there was a chance the dexterity would never be the same.

Chrissy sat on the edge of the railing with her hands folded in her lap.  “Our band was invited to play at a show called Pedal to the Metal.  It’s a once in a lifetime chance to get our name out there,” she glanced up at Eddie but he was staring at the ground, working his jaw.  

“There’s always next year,” he deadpanned in a way that made you think he didn’t believe it.

“We won’t get invited again and you know it, Ed,” she tucked some hair behind her ear and avoided eye contact with you.  “The Dead Alive and Heaven’s Harlots will be there. I’ve been dying to meet them.”

“Who are The Dead A—-” you were about to ask but then Eddie interrupted.

“Fuck those bands and fuck that stupid festival,” he grumbled. “We don’t need them. When Steve recovers, we’ll figure out how to pick up the pieces.”

The wheels in your brain were spinning so fast, you wouldn’t be surprised if smoke came out of your ears.

You cleared your throat.  “Do you think maybe you could teach someone to play bass?”

Eddie barked a laugh out of his nose.  “In two weeks? Hilarious.”

“I mean,” you scrambled for the right words, hoping they wouldn’t laugh you off the porch. “W-what if they already know strings really well? Like maybe, the cello? Wouldn’t it be easier for them to learn?”

Chrissy shrugged, not sure where you were going with the story, but Eddie cocked his head at  you, eyes narrowing.  

“It’s possible,” Chrissy frowned down at her lap and then swept her gaze up to you. “Do you have someone in mind?”

Before you could answer, Eddie waved his hand in the air and leaned his shoulder against the cabin.  “Nope. No way,” he popped the “p” and shook his head, hair falling in his face.  “It wouldn’t work, we don’t have enough time.”

Chrissy got to her feet.  “C’mon Ed, someone like that could learn 5 songs in 2 weeks if they wanted to! But do we even know anyone like that?”

You swallowed hard, waited for both of them to stare at you, and then offered a nervous smile.  

-----

Thank you to everyone reading and enjoying this little world. You know I always love hearing what you think ❤️🚬

------

taglist: @micheledawn1975@kurdtbean@katethetank@elvendria@spookysqaush86@somethingvicked@stylesxmunson@laurenlokirby@sapphire4082 @kellsck @motherfckerrr @emxxblog @justdamnpeachy @dashingdeb16 @corrodedcoffincumslut @bexreadstoomuch @ohmeg@marrowfrog00 @ahoyyharrington

[tcustodisart]

What are some cute moments that occur throughout the different acts that aren’t necessarily in the game but live in your head rent free?

Oh, this one is going to be a long answer, because there's a lot of squatters in my head and there's a lot to be unleashed. Let's start with this doodle with the boys playing lanceboard at camp and continue under the cut. Lots of cringe and brainrot incoming, so brace yourself.

Act 1:

Connie is constantly bickering with Astarion over him stealing his journal. Gale suggest to cast arcane lock on it, but Connie knows it won't stop that gremlin from reading it so why bother.

This sad pile of rugs is where I imagine Connie sleeps in Act 1. Additional Astarion line: "Damn darling, you live like this?"

During the first romance scene Connie tells Shart about his family, about how he and his brother know the city inside and out, about his parents and the tavern they run, about the trap incident. It's the most he talked to someone who wasn't his family or his crow in years. He wishes that night would never end.

Connie sends letters to his family via Faust, he stops after entering Underdark.

Act 2:

I mentioned it before that Connie is not taking the Shadow Curse very well. He misses the sun, misses the grass, he's unable to contact his family, Shart has distanced herself from him. Karlach notices it and tries to cheer him up. They end up having long talks almost every night. That's the moment their friendship evolves from just friends to besties.

When Connie finds the second warding bond ring, he wishes he could give the other one to Shadowheart, but finds the moment inappropriate. He ends up giving her the ring at the beginning of Act 3.

Act 3:

I have a lot of stuff for this act.

This is inspired by one of Jaheira's lines: "'The Cub and the Crow'- sounds like a cautionary tale. As it probably should." Connie draws her a mock up cover for a kids book. Jaheira sticks it to the traveling chest (I mostly store food there, so to me traveling chest = fridge).

Connie goes through a serious breakdown at the start of this act (after a companion is abducted), he ends up crying and saying that for the first time he doesn't believe they're going to make it, that he'll never hug his mom, never hear his brother sing again, won't be able to tell his step dad that he saw Darkmaw the Wicked. He's being comforted first by Jaheira and then by the rest of his party.

His favorite armor gets damaged one time, he's very upset about it. But the next morning he finds it magically repaired (Astarion fixed it, from the start of Act 3 they become besties).

This wip that I'm very slowly working on happens during act 3. Connie makes some flower crowns and talks about how his mom taught him to do that. I'm not going to say more, because I really want to finish that comic.

Connie has a deal with Popper that he'll pay him double for every night orchid he finds (I actually did that in game, I bantered him more money for the flower than he asked for, I love that little guy so much).

This one is more funny than cute but when Connecticut Tav was younger and still lived in Baldur's Gate he used to visit Sharess's Caress pretty regularly because it was the best way to practice drawing people. He really enjoyed talking with the workers there, he eventually convinced them that maybe creating an union isn't such a bad idea. He ended up being banned from entering the brothel because of that. So when the party approaches it to meet Voss, he's very nervous that the owner will remember him (she does). There's a dialogue in my head but it would work better with some visuals, so maybe one time I'm going to draw it.

In my head, the cottage they end up living in is Connie's old hunting hut. So after the conversation with Shadowheart about her plans for after defeating the brain, he suggest that it would be the perfect place to go. He then draws the house to show her how it looks like, tells her that it's surrounded by a forest, there's a lake nearby, a small stable that can be turned into a barn if needed, and that he's not sure about the quality of the soil, but he did grow some herbs there, so maybe it's going to be good enough to grow flowers.

At the end of the game Connie decides to stay in Baldur's Gate for a while to help his family fix their tavern (which was heavily damaged). He tells Shart to go the house I mentioned before, because he wants her to start her new life as soon as possible + because it would be better for her parents. He stealthily puts his journal in her stuff with a note attached to it saying that he finished it this morning and she can read it if she wants to. He also gives her Faust so she can write him letters whenever she wants to. After 2 tendays he arrives at the cottage with some gifts (night orchid bulbs and a pamphlet about how to take care of them, there was supposed to be another gift, but he wasn't able to find it just yet, but that's for another story).

Epilogue party (because I'm that insane):

It's been sitting in my wips for more than two months, so I don't know if I'll be able to finish it. But during the party Connie and Shadowheart take 10 minute brake to visit the place from the first romance scene. They have a very similar conversation like before, but their roles are reversed now - It's Connie asking questions about Shart's current life. "Tell me something about yourself, but no tadpoles, weird artifacts, petty goddesses. Something about you."

[dejwrld]

˚₊𓆩༺🎸༻𓆪₊˚ — summer of 22', choso kamo

𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐈. — WHO THE HELL LISTENS TO CLASSICAL MUSIC?

ᩍ before reading please be advised of the following warnings — female reader, written with black reader in mind, humor/crack, noritoshi & choso are cousins in this cause i said so, profanity, this is quite self indulgent and kinda my own assumption & characterization of modern day choso, mentions of choso having a scar, mentions of character death (reader's mom), record shop boss!geto lol, two idiots that bond over music | mdni, taglist, masterlist, other creations

chapter playlist | are you with that by vince staples, wait a minute by willo, the less i know the better by tame impala

JAPAN WAS VERY DIFFERENT FROM THE STATES. A huge cultural shock compared to your busy lifestyle in New York City. You still could remember your father’s long lecture about being aware of your surroundings, don’t talk to strangers, going with your instincts in some locations, and so much more. You would think you were still that young sixteen-year-old girl who was raised by their single dad after the death of her mother, but you were of age. In the fall you would be a graduating senior at Julliard, living alone in a lovely apartment in New York City, teaching dance classes when you had free time, and doing many adult types of activities. You were a functioning young adult whose father still wanted to shelter you away from the world as if you were a hopeless Rapunzel. 

It took some convincing for your father to let you go to a ballet convention in Japan for the summer, especially if he was going to be funding it. You planned to rent out a room, get as much knowledge as possible at this convention so you could be prepared for your senior year at Julliard, and then return home. Your father didn’t agree with that plan. He only agreed when your godmother Utahime Iori agreed to keep an eye on you. 

Utahime Iori was an international ballet superstar and your late mom’s best friend. They met when they both were competing for the lead in Swan Lake, which was given to your mom. But your mother stepped down from the role when she became pregnant with you. The friendship between the two still blossomed from your mom being in the front row on the opening night to cheer Utahime on to your mom even keying Utahime’s boyfriend's car while six months pregnant with you. Utahime would always admit to you that your mom felt like she was her twin flame. They were insufferable when they were apart and together. Such a close bond and your mom’s death took a toll on Utahime. It hit her like a truck hitting a concrete wall at full speed. It sucked Utahime’s love for ballet right away, but the woman still stuck by your side during the journey of your ballet career.

She held your hand as the people around you threw pity your way during the funeral. She defended your passion for dance to your father as if she was defending an important law case. She did your hair for recitals. She stayed up late helping you come up with your Juilliard audition piece. She played the role of your godmother so well that you knew deep down your mom was smiling down on the both of you. 

You were so excited to spend the summer in Utahime’s home country. You knew she was going to want you to practice for the ballet convention because every summer—a dancer is chosen to dance an original piece in front of many known people. From choreographers, dance tour coordinators, and of course, famous ballet royalty. You didn’t want this spot to be given to you considering who your mother was and the fact that Utahime helped fund the convention in the first place. She told you specifically that you won’t get special privileges, that if it’s a better dancer—they will not think twice about replacing you. That’s just how wicked the world of ballet was. When it came to ballet, you didn’t have time to cry about not getting the lead in a dance when the time you were feeling pity for yourself—you could be using it to make yourself better. Those were the words your former ballet instructor explicitly told you and those were the words you kept in your head up to this day. 

“We need to lay down some ground rules,” Utahime stated as she placed a plate of food in front of you.

“Please don’t tell me, my dad gave you some rules.” You whined.

“No, these are my own rules,” Utahime said. She sat down at the table clearing her throat. “Practice comes first. I don’t care what you’re doing, I text you to come practice…come! This is not like the states, the dancers here sleep, eat, and breathe dance.”

“Okay.” 

“No big distractions. I understand you most likely will want to mingle, you’re my very beautiful goddaughter—but please remember what you’re originally here for.” Utahime adds.

“No Summer flings, gotcha!” 

“Okay, I didn’t say that. Just be mindful of who you are flinging with.” Utahime corrected.

“During your free time, please don’t associate yourself with the wrong crowd,” Utahime adds. “A ballerina with a criminal record isn’t cute no matter how good you look in your mugshot.”

“Don’t get arrested, noted. Any other rules?” You took a bite out of your food.

“Enjoy your summer, but please be mindful of what you’re here for. If you get to dance an original piece, it will look wonderful in your portfolio for when you graduate next Spring and that’s the endgame.” 

“Of course! So, can I go exploring?” You eagerly asked. You gave your godmother those innocent puppy dog eyes that she has seen so many times since you were younger.

“Fine, but please be safe. I will be stopping at the dance studio, so when you’re done exploring—meet me there.” Utahime says.

You pushed yourself out of your seat and would go over to Utahime pulling her into a hug. Mumbling many thank yous and even kissing her cheek. “Thank you! I promise I’ll be at the studio at a reasonable time!” You yelled as you were going to leave. 

You didn’t even let Utahime get a word out before you’re heading out of Utahime’s apartment and essentially you're home for the summer. You walked towards the elevator as you were walking, your face was buried in your phone updating your father on how you were doing. Even though he was most likely sleeping soundly back in New York, you still didn’t want to have him so worried during your three months here. You never understood the protectiveness your father had over you. Although it was a duty for fathers to protect their children as if their life depended on it—your father took it a little too far. Especially after your mother’s death, he once tried to take your love of ballet away from you. Arguing that it was the reason that broke your mom down and he refused to let you follow your mother’s dark path. Whatever that meant. Your mother’s death was a hushed secret that no one wanted to talk about. No one talked about what pushed her to do it, not even Utahime. 

So what exactly did your father mean by ballet being why your mother took a dark path?

When you made it to the street, you opened Google and decided to search if any record shops were nearby. In the guest room, you were staying in, Utahime mentioned it being a record player a close friend gave to her and you were eager to use it during your time here. However, she didn’t have any vinyl records at all. She claimed that her career pushed her away from home quite often, so what was the point of buying vinyl records for a record player that only was collecting dust in her guest bedroom? 

The first record shop that popped up was Suguru Records. You clicked on how far it was and wasn’t much of a walk. You placed your earbuds in your ear and soon Jazmine Sullivan was blasting through your ears. You took in everything around you as you were walking. From the architect of each building to the locals that are out and about. You enjoyed this atmosphere so much better than the busy streets of New York City during the rush hour of going to work or coming home from work. It was a soothing atmosphere and it made you even more excited to spend a summer here. Granted, the stares you were receiving as you were walking to your destination—it wasn’t anything new from the stares you received when you went to different ballet events around the world. 

When you finally got to the record shop, you entered it with a smile. The scent in the store was comforting, homely at most. The first thing you noticed when you entered it was empty. To you, that wasn’t good considering that anyone could come in and take what they wanted and leave. You figured that the familiar bell that would annoyingly ring when the record shop door would push open would cause the employees to hurriedly run to the front of the store. You let your fingers brush against the records as you walk down a random aisle specifically looking for the classical section. You can already imagine how beautiful the tune of a popular classical song humming out the record player while you practice in the living room of Utahime’s place. But as you walk around the record shop, you didn’t even see a section for classical music. However, you did pick up a couple of your favorite R&B albums as you were snooping around.

You heard the familiar bell and your eyes darted to the door and you saw a man with long black hair carrying a box into the shop. He had gauges in his ears and if you were being honest, if you looked closely—he looked familiar. As if you saw him on a magazine cover or something. When his eyes met yours and then scanned over the shop, he let out a sigh before slowly dropping the box he was carrying near the register. “Welcome to Suguru Records, I’ll be right back.” He flashed you a kind smile before disappearing in the back. 

You heard some ruckus in the back and what you assumed was the guy who greeted you voice, “I told you two gremlins to stop leaving the front end unattended!” 

Soon the gentleman returned with two guys. He had a grip on the back of their work uniform shirts as if he was a father pitbull lifting his pups by their fur to help them get around better. One of the guys looked at the long-haired gentleman and gave him a deadpan smile, “It’s a slow day and it looks like the customer doesn't even need help. You said it yourself, if it’s slow—Choso and I can work on our music.” One said.

The man let go of the back of the two guys' shirts and he would push one of them towards you. “Noritoshi, you start unloading that box near the register. Choso, you go help the customer before I fire both of you.” 

Noritoshi was near the register mumbling something under his breath before his boss glanced in his direction. “Do you have anything to say, Noritoshi?” The long-haired gentleman asked. 

Noritoshi shook his head, “Oh no, just asking if you were stepping out again, Geto?” He forced a fake smile.

“Yes, an old friend is in town. So please be sure to lock up when we close.” Geto pointed his finger at him and then at Choso before he exited again. 

You went back to looking through the records before you could hear someone clear your throat. When you glanced up, there he stood. The one who the guy called Choso, stood right in front of you. His hair was tugged into two ponytails. But it was one unique thing about him that caused you to stare at him as if he was the most attractive guy you’ve seen. A birthmark decorated his face that imprinted from his cheeks across his nose and on his other cheek. It was quite a unique birthmark, something you had never seen before. “Since that guy that just left signs my checks, I am here to ask if you need help with anything.” His monotone voice trailed off as he was avoiding as much eye contact as possible. 

“Oh yes—do you guys have anything from any classical composers?” You asked and you watched Choso’s face scrunched up in pure disgust. 

“Classical?” Choso asked. 

“Yes, I’ll take anything at this moment.” You said. “My godmother has this record player and I just know a classical record would sound so good on it.” 

“Classical?” Choso repeated just to make sure you understand what you just said. 

“Yes, did I not say it loud enough?” You asked in a frustrated manner. 

Choso held up his hand in a defensive mood and would glance over at Noritoshi who was unloading the box of new vinyl records they received. “Hey, check in the back to see if we have anything for the classical genre!” 

“Classical?” Noritoshi looked up and you wanted to question if the two were related with the way Noritoshi mimicked the exact face of disgust that Choso did. “I think we have some stuff in the back though.” 

Noritoshi waltzed into the back to search for the small number of vinyl records they did have. They weren’t selling, so Geto simply thought they were taking up space from other vinyl records. 

You felt the vinyl records that were once in your arms getting gently pulled from your arm. Choso would flip through your options and you watched as he was looking at your vinyl records quite impressed. He held up the vinyl record for Lucky Daye’s Painted, he had a sly grin on his face. If you were bold enough, you would admit that sly grin on his face was cute. 

“I have this one.” He said. “You have nice music taste, minus the classical thing.” He snickered before he handed you the records back.

“You don’t look like the type to like—“ Your words were cut off by him.

“Lucky Daye music?” 

“Yes.” You admitted as you pulled your records closer to your chest.

“Music is something so magical and versatile. It’s a bit insane to stick to one genre isn’t it?” Choso asked as his back leaned against the record case behind him. His arms folded over his chest and you instantly noticed that his broad arms flexed in his black uniform shirt that had Suguru Records on it. 

“But doesn't that contradict you making that face when I mentioned classical music?” You asked, your perfectly arched eyebrows raised at him.

He chuckles at your statement, “I guess it does…” His voice trails off as his dark-colored eyes gloss over your plump lip gloss-covered lips while he is searching for your name. 

“Y/N.” You answered. 

“I’m just curious as to why you would be interested in classical music?” Choso walked towards the register with you not too far behind him. “You don’t look like the type of girl who-“ 

Now it was your time to interrupt him, “See, you’re contradicting yourself again. You just said that music is such a special thing that you can’t just stick to one genre. Judging a book by its cover, something I did a few minutes ago.” You said.

Choso chuckled as he was beginning to ring up your vinyl records. “I guess we judged each other then.” Choso's eyes met with yours. 

“Yup.” You answered before immediately breaking eye contact. Your cheeks felt so hot at the moment like you were standing outside in ninety-degree weather without water.

Noritoshi came back with a box of vinyl records. “These are the only ones we have. I’m pretty sure Geto put them at a discontinued price also.” He placed the box on the counter. “If we were the managers, we would give you this box for free.” 

You giggled at his comment before flipping through the box. “It’s okay.” You picked three random types of vinyl and placed them on the counter. “I’m sure I’ll  probably buy them all by the time the summer is over with.”

You paid for the records and Choso gave you the bag with all of them on it. It was a cute black reusable bag with the store’s logo on it. Choso leaned against the counter and placed his head in the palm of his hand, never actually taking his eyes off of you. There you were completely avoiding his eye contact. 

Noritoshi was looking through the box of classical music vinyl records. “So, are you saying you actually enjoy this stuff?” He asked while flipping through the box of classical records. 

“I’ve listened to that genre since I was in my mother’s stomach. It’s practically imprinted in my brain,” You admitted as you could feel your phone vibrate in your back pocket.

You quickly looked at the text and saw Utahime’s S.O.S text message. She must have needed you at the dance studio. “But I have to run, godmother needs me. I think I’ll see you guys around.” You began to walk towards the exit but Choso’s voice stopped you & caused you to turn to look in his direction.

“Yes, you will.” He admitted with a smile.

Your cheeks burnt, your words got stuck in your throat, and your brain turned into complete mush. You couldn’t say much, but you returned the smile before eventually leaving the record shop as flustered as a teenager in a cliche Netflix-produced romance movie. 

“No distractions this summer, Y/N. No distractions this summer, Y/N.” You repeat to yourself as you are walking back towards Utahime’s place. 

But as you continued to walk, you could hear someone yelling your name. When you turned around, Choso was jogging up to you to catch up to you. 

“You should come out and see me perform,” Choso was fishing in his jeans pockets until he pulled out a tiny folded-up piece of paper.

“You’re a singer? You continue to shock me, but then again that’s me judging you by your looks again,” You admitted.

“I’m in a band. Well, it’s only Noritoshi and me right now. We’re still looking for other members, but I would love for you to come.” He finally unfolded the paper to reveal a flyer. He extended the paper for you to grab.

“I’ll see if I can make it. I’m going to be quite a busy girl this summer, so I don’t want to get your hopes up.”  You said as you took the flyer from him. Your eyes scan over the flyer that looked like he kept it as a souvenir more than to promote that he was performing. 

“You’re only going to be here for a summer?” Choso's eyebrows raised at you.

“Yeah.” You folded the paper back up to give back to him, but he motioned for you to keep it just in case you could make it.

Choso heard Noritoshi calling him from the front door of the record shop and he would slowly walk backward with a smile. His eyes you couldn’t read just yet never looked away from you before he’s parting his lips to speak.

“That gives us three months!” Choso says as he was walking backward.

“Three months to do what?” You asked out loud.

“Three months to get to know each. I’m kinda intrigued on why you’re a classical music fan in this year of 2022.” He yells back at you before giving you a sly wave and heading back into the record shop.

You turned around once again, flustered as ever. You couldn’t even hide the foolish smile on your face at the moment. 

This was going to be an interesting summer.

┍━━━━━━━♡♡♡━━━━━━━┑

tags. @maydayaisha + @spiderpunkfien @bbytamaki @honeybleed @luvliv4lifexoxo @smileyy-cakee

┕━━━━━━━♡♡♡━━━━━━━┙

[bordysbae]

what if the reader was out and playing volleyball or smth with her friends and some of the guys come up and ask if they wanna be in their BeReal (idk i feel like someone would have it) and they hit it off after?? with whoever bc there are too many of em

“we really gotta come here more often”

luke hughes x reader

sorry this took me so long, i’ve been really busy!! but keep sending requests!! <3 and idk if you wanted a romance out of this or just a friendship type of thing, so i decided to kinda combine the both?? i hate this so much tbh but i had no idea what to write i’m so sorry omg

—

you and your best friend, abby, decided to convince your families to rent a house on the lake for the summer. you guys have been best friends since kindergarten, so of course your families vacation together almost every summer, so convincing them was easy. you guys live in the middle of michigan, so the drive to the rental house wasn’t much more than two hours.

when you arrive at the house, you both rush to unpack your things in your shared bedroom. you guys do a quick look around the house, before noticing how nice it is outside. you change out of comfy car clothes into shorts and tank tops, and go outside in the front yard. you begin to pass the volleyball back and forth. while talking about almost anything. suddenly as you’re setting the ball, someone with a slightly high pitched, yet still manly, voice calls out to you both.

“hey! excuse me?” the boy says. you turn your head to see two boys coming your way. you instantly notice how attractive they both are, but the one speaking especially catches your eye. you place the volleyball in between your arm and side, and smile at the boys.

“how may we be of service?” you joke, making the boy chuckle a little.

“do you guys mind taking our bereal? we have no one to take it” the other boy asks awkwardly, as he extends his phone out for you to take.

“couldn’t one of you just take it?” you laugh, grabbing his phone from him. you and abby pose for the camera before putting the camera in front of the boys. once the bereal finishes, you ask them to take yours, unaware the notification went off until they brought it up. they take yours, and you all get your bereals done and out of the way.

“i’m luke, this is ethan.” the boy who caught your eye earlier says.

“nice to meet you! i’m y/n, and this is abby” you say introducing yourself back.

“do you guys live here? i’ve never seen you guys before. my parents live two doors down, in that house there” the boy says, pointing to a brown house not too far away.

“we’re renting this house for the summer! are you guys brothers?” you ask.

“nope, we go to university of michigan together! what about you? are you guys siblings?” ethan says.

“no, we’re best friends. we just graduated highschool actually. we’re both going to michigan state” abby says.

“ooh yikes, one of our rival schools. i guess we won’t be able to hang out with you guys..” luke jokes, making you roll your eyes playfully as you’re well aware of the spartans versus wolverines rivalry. you four begin to chat, but eventually break off into separate conversations. you and luke begin to get to know each other a little better, as do abby and ethan. a few minutes later your mom calls you both in for dinner.

“before you guys go, i have a fire pit in my backyard. do you guys maybe wanna come over later and hang out? we could make s’mores or something?” luke offers.

“that sounds so fun! i’d love to! what about you abs, wanna go?” you ask your best friend. “of course! we’ll see you both later.” abby smiles, as you guys turn around.

“wait! can we get your guys’ snaps? gotta text you when to come over of course” luke says shyly.

“of course!” you say, as you all four pull out your phones to exchange socials. you and abby excuse yourselves and head inside for dinner. “we really gotta come here more often!” abby exclaims, making you laugh and nod your head in agreement.

—

you guys spent the entire summer with luke and ethan, wether it was on the hughes’ boat, or even going grocery shopping with them. the entire summer was spent with the boys, and it was all documented through bereals.

of course you and luke continued to get closer throughout the summer, and even going into the school year. you guys started dating despite the half an hour to forty five minute drive. of course the guys gave him a small amount of shit for dating someone from a rivalry school, but he didn’t care.

abby and ethan stayed friends, but didn’t see their summer “fling” going anywhere. overall you had to say, the best decision you’ve ever made was asking you parents to rent a house by the lake.

[destinygoldenstar]

🍀FUCK YUL🍀 - Total Drama Viewer Reacts to Disventure Camp Season 2 Episode 4 “Truth Hurts”

I have the power, right?

If my headings manifest misfortune on the people on it, THEN HERE I AM

I AM MANIFESTING MY POWERS TO STRIKE DOWN THIS MAN BY ANY MEANS NECESSARY

I WANT HIM GONE

...

That's all I wanted to say. There's nothing else that's important.

Oh also, sorry for the delay. This was supposed to come out two days ago, but uh... tech issues.

Let's get into it.

Ooh I like this music they have 🎵

"We had agreed to play today after breakfast. But it seems that he forgot."

I mean, I never had a boyfriend, I'm lesbian XD, but the amount of times I've heard girls in high school whine about their boyfriends doing this very thing is insane.

The boys in this season. Am I right?

Also the mic quality is getting a lot better, I'm realizing that. Very nice.

"Well, if you want to play with me, I can lend you one of my consoles."

I thought she didn't like Tess, so wow. She's sweet.

I like these two, they're so sweet and cute.

NOW KISS

"Hey girls! Good morning. I'm going on a walk in case anyone wants to join."

Oh, you seem to be doing well...

Which is a shock to me considering your only friend here is now out of the game.

I STILL HATE YOU CONNOR. WHY WOULD YOU QUIT AND SAVE YUL?!

"Hunter has been very sweet and thoughtful these past few days. But I sense there is something bothering him."

He's having a queer crisis. Don't worry about it.

"I've had such a hard time connecting with anyone in this place and when I finally did, Connor decided to leave. I feel quite alone here."

Aw, poor Riya.

She just can't connect with anyone or anything here.

WAIT WHOA WHAT THE-

HANG ON THAT WAS OUT OF NOWHERE

SHE JUST FOUND THAT LYING ON THE GROUND?!

"This allows you to have one person from each team permanently sent to the opposing team."

OH

OH I SEE

So she can screw people's alliances over XD

"Silence Oliver! When did I ask for your opinion?"

"One of the reasons I let you stay here is that seeing a poor and pathetic intern so humiliated and worn out every day will help me remember what not to do to others."

Okay then...

"It's just really hard not to be a sociopath, you know?"

"I don't want to lose my humanity just to get some ratings."

Well damn.

"I was just talking to my silly assistant. He does his job horribly."

"I AM IN HEARING RANGE."

"Do you also study on Sundays?"

"Yes, I have to send an essay to my tutor in two days and I'm a little late..."

God I hate that. I hate having to do that.

"The first time we talked, I noticed something strange about you and I realized that the way your parents pressure you is not right."

TELL EM QUEEN

"Lake, you do homework even when you're in the middle of a reality show! You eat very little or you don't eat at all, and worst of all, they decided to commit you to a guy you don't even know. How can that be the best for you?"

THANK YOU. ROSA, OUR QUEEN ALL DAY.

"I recognize that their methods are unorthodox, but the path to success is not easy, Rosa. It is full of obstacles and sacrifices."

"OHO, You want to talk about sacrifices and play THAT card on me?! I BECAME A MOM AT SIXTEEN!"

Come on, Rosa KNOWS what she's talking about!

"Hello? Can I sit here?"

Why is James' mic echoing? Hello? Was something going on and his VA was recording in another location at the time?

You couldn't do second takes and wait till he got back in the booth?

"Since when do you care what I think?"

He doesn't. He just wants to S/A you.

"You know what? Who needs a friend when you have a million followers?"

MOOD.

Oh, is this like that.... what was it-that one challenge from Revenge of the Island?

The one where they were dunked and Scott got that sharks tooth up his ass?

"Not at all, these seats are wet."

Because if it IS like that, can I get Fang over here to kill this guy?

(Kai calling Yul a bitchfucker now lives in my head rent free)

"I found this perk that allows two people to switch teams and I want to use it now."

Oh she's gonna use it right away.

"I... want Yul to go to the Orange team."

YUUUUUUUUUUSSSS

SLAY QUEEN

SLAY QUEEN👑

DUMP HIS ASS ON THE LOSING TEAM AND GET RID OF HIS ASS

RIYA IS QUEEN.

DON'T CARE WHAT Y'ALL SAY. THIS IS A QUEEN.

SHOW RESPECT.

"What? And why me?"

"Because I'm sick of you."

😂

YES.

"And now that I don't have to worry about you voting for me I can say it."

AND she's doing this for strategic reasons?

Actually, YEAH, because of the trio, she's the outcast of her team so she needs to pull an advantage like this to save herself from potentially being a target. THAT MAKES SENSE.

STRATEGIC QUEEN AS WELL.

TAKE NOTES ELLIE.

"Screw you! With that attitude, it's no wonder you have never and will never succeed."

Oh fuck off, weren't you cancelled? You piece of shit.

Why is everything mocking Riya for her being herself? I'm picking up on that.

"I'm going to choose... Rosa Maria."

Oh? Why her?

I'm not against it, but why her?

Did Riya just want an all girls team?

"WELCOME TO OUR WOMEN'S TEAM OF VICTORY!!!"

"Well, and Hunter I guess..."

"That low budget actress underestimates the damage I could do to her, even on another team."

YOU BREAK HER I BREAK YOU BUCKO

"Not only is the women's alliance weakened, I also have a possible new ally."

Oh and now you want to work with him?!

JAMES, YOU HAVE BAD TASTE.

XD

JUST DROWNS THEM XD

So yeah, it IS like that Revenge Of The Island Challenge.

And hopefully I get to see a shark get Yul's ass.

I think his exposed abs will make him seem very appetizing to the sharks.

(NOT ME WISHING DEATH ON A CHARACTER)

"Just know that I have access to any information that has passed through your cell phones and laptops."

OH SO YOU DOXXED.

"Who auditioned for the previous season and was rejected for being considered 'uninteresting'?"

Oh REALLY?

Okay that's a lore drop.

I mean, given the first season's hosts were CRIMINALS, I'd imagine the show was a scam site and there wouldn't be a lot of auditions.

I mean, most of THAT cast was pretty screwed up in the head.

REALLY.

Yeah that is very interesting.

They actually ACKNOWLEDGE that something like that WOULD happen and influence people to alter themselves for the sake of being on the show and the money.

I WANTED THIS IN TOTAL DRAMA.

OMG I LOVE THAT THEY ADDRESS THIS.

So wait, now for the money question:

Which is Aiden's natural hair color? Is it the white or the dark?

NOW YOU GOTTA ANSWER THAT BUDDY.

"Who has been an extra in more than fifty movies, but has never been credited?"

That's Riya. 100%

"Who had their first kiss in the previous challenge?"

OH. OH SHIT...

Oh that's personal.

I THINK that's Maggy. Right?

OH. REALLY.

OH POOR BOTH OF THEM. AIDEN'S FIRST KISS WAS AN ASSAULT?!

YOU POOR THING.

And Lake's first kiss was with a girl.

Gotta love a closeted lesbian with internalized homophobia.

"Ha! Virgins!"

Oh. Shut. Your. Mouth.

Why is EVERYTHING that comes out of this man's mouth bigotry?

And it's not even said in a funny way. That's all he says.

FUCK YUL.

"Are you serious Aiden?"

"It doesn't matter. It's nothing important."

"Thanks for ruining a milestone of my life by the way."

"Who made their previous psychologist have to go to the psychologist?"

Oh god. Yeah that one's so bad...

I can see that being Tess.

"Who forced their ex to have plastic surgery and then ended the relationship because she did it wrong?"

GOD THAT'S HORRIBLE-

It's Yul. It's gotta be Yul. And he's gonna say "SO WHAT? i DoN't SeE wHaT tHe PrObLeM iS, sHe WaS uGlY, sHe DeSeRvEd iT."

"Which one of you has shoplifted?"

Okay that one's not so bad.

Ally may have stolen a game?

OH ROSA.

"A mother would do anything for her children."

AW HONEY.

"A Latina stealing, why am I not surprised?"

I-I-what's going on?

Uh, I got an AD, and the video fast forwarded a minute ahead for some reason XD.

I don't know why it did that.

"Which one of you wears a wig?"

Aiden? Cause of the dye?

What?! Your hair's a wig?

I-I never would've guessed that, honestly.

GIRLIEPOP WHAT HAPPENED?! YOU'RE NOT EVEN A VILLAIN.

Yeah can I be honest you y'all? I've grown SICK of the shaved head trope in Total Drama.

It worked with Heather because vanity was a trait of hers and it was a punishment for her to lose something she held dear to maintain that vanity. And considering she was a villain who tormented others all of Island, it was great karma.

But then they just OVERUSE IT AND BEAT THE DEAD HORSE, and then apply this karma to other characters, where their hair or physical appearance plays no factor to their character. And at that point, it's just so TIRING and I NEVER want to see this again.

I'm kind of okay with this though because it's NOT a punishment. Maybe it's trying to reveal something about Lake's character. Idk what happened, maybe they'll explain it.

"Who uploaded sexy photos to the internet just to gain some fame?"

Uuuuuhhhh... I think that's Riya?

"What? I didn't do it."

Oh okay.

"Just so you know, I didn't do it for fame."

WELL THAT MAKES IT EVEN MORE CONCERNING.

"If we lose on purpose, the challenge will be over."

Why would you want to do that?! IT'S A GAME. YOU'RE TRYING TO WIN A MILLION BUCKS.

Now you're ASKING to be eliminated?!

"The producers say you should find another way to penalize the campers, that doesn't put their lives at risk."

XD

Oh so NOW they care. Where was that concern in Total Drama?

She just sends them back up and they're all dead XD

"Well shit... I'm getting lawsuits for all these bodies, aren't I?"

"Aiden still sleeps with a teddy bear he's had since he was a baby, James' first five thousand followers were bots, Yul and his family escaped from North Korea, Maggy has sent five boys to the hospital, when Lake is home alone she punches pillows with pictures of her parents-"

SHE'S REALLY GOING AT IT 😂

"Rosa doesn't know who the father of her daughter is and thought about aborting her."

Oh shit...

That one's SO BAD...

Rosa, girlie, you want some therapy?

"Tess is an orphan."

Okay these are actually really interesting.

"Riya was desperate for major roles and almost starred in adult movies."

Yeah these are actually saying a lot about these people.

So Tess has no family. Her life is basically nothing. She has depression as a result. Got it.

Riya is... AMBITIOUS AS HELL.

I'm surprised she's not even more ruthless honestly with all that evidence.

"I WILL MURDER EVERYONE FOR A MILLION BUCKS AND A STARRING MOVIE ROLE AND YOU CAN'T STOP ME!!"

"...AND BECAUSE GOLDEN WANTS SO, YUL WILL BE FIRST."

"Ally and Tess are in love with Hunter and he knows it."

Yeah we already know that one.

"Which one of you had sex reassignment surgery?"

Oh?

Oh so someone's trangender.

Who is it? Who's the rep?

Nobody is opening up? I mean I respect boundaries, but also I wanna know.

I'm guessing Maggy? I'm not sure...

"Which one of you threatened and made a group of children cry?"

Oh shit.

Uh... I have no idea.

UM... NOW I'M CONCERNED ABOUT YOU.

"Do you make kids cry whenever you're stressed?"

See, even Hunter's concerned.

"I was playing online and they were using hacks!"

Oh so you're a cyberbully. Yeah I get it. I TOTALLY SYMPATHIZE. /s

I'm sad there were no sharks to slay Yul.

"Welcome to the team, Yul!"

James. Politely. He's not worth it.

"Now what? Are you going to vote me out for having belonged to the Green Team?"

I mean, why not, right?

We know Season 1 attempted that at one point.

JAMES IF YOU ALLY WITH YUL I WILL HATE YOU TOO

"I've noticed that you have a certain dislike towards James. So I propose this: Let's vote for him together and at the next ceremony, you'll return the favor by voting for whoever I want you to."

This is trying to make Yul seem like a brilliant schemer villain, but uh...

THIS IS JAMES' PLAN. NOT HIS.

So, you know, I give credit to James for this. What do you gain from Aiden voting James? That's Yul only person willing to be an ally in his case.

And in James' case, he doesn't KNOW the girls are voting Yul, he's just assuming that with no proof. What if they vote him? You're asking Aiden to vote you, which could be a 3/5.

WHY WOULD JAMES CAUSE HIS OWN ELIMINATION?

Yul gains nothing from this. James gains nothing from this.

What is your plan here?

"How do I know I can trust you?"

"It's not about trust, its about mutual interest."

10/10 persuading there.

"He must be desperate, but Yul deserves to be kicked out."

THANK YOU. THANK YOU FOR SEEING THAT.

"I pretended to side with him and will vote for James, just because it will be nice to see James' face when he sees that he has two votes against him."

Okay, you're a dumbass.

"I'm not siding with Yul, BUT I WILL DO WHAT YUL SAYS."

GOD I HOPE YUL GOES.

PLEASE. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. GET YUL OUT.

'YUL'

I LOVE YOU, WHOEVER DID THAT.

'JAMES'

'MAGGY'

Fuck.

'YUL'

Okay so Yul gets a third vote and majority and he's gone.

WE WIN!!😄

...😦

GODDAMMIT!!!

Maggy, for the love of god, BEAT HIS ASS.

Maggy didn't even do anything this episode, WTF?

"Wait, you two... lied to my face?"

YOU KNOW YOU CAN'T TRUST EITHER OF THEM. YOU SAID THIS YOURSELF YOU DUMBASS.

"Why are you surprised?"

Why does a tie benefit you? You could've instead allied with Aiden to vote off Maggy and lied to say Lake and Maggy were targeting Aiden.

Sure Aiden might not believe it and still vote James and this tie would still happen, BUT AT LEAST THEN YUL HAS THE EXCUSE OF HIM NOT INTENDING TO PUT HIMSELF IN DANGER.

Fuck this guy. FUCK THIS GUY.

But I'll tolerate the stupidity IF HE GOES HOME. I WILL LOVE THAT.

"How about a random, unbiased game of rock paper scissors?"

The way he said scissors?

I mean, SAI-SOURS.

Oh my god PLEASE, PLEASE

PLEASE

GET HIS ASS OUT.

WIN THIS MAGGY. STAND UP FOR YOURSELF.

YOU GOT THIS GIRL. YOU GOT THIS!!!!

🙌

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUKKKKKK

WHHHHHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

FUCK OFF. FUCK OFF.

SHE DIDN'T EVEN DO ANYTHING THIS EPISODE. WHAT THE FUCK.

THIS IS BULLSHIT. I HATE THIS.

"Go back to the circus, freak!"

So he's been bullying her for nothing the whole time, she NEVER gets a chance to stand up for herself or do anything about it besides get bullied, AND THEN SHE GOES HOME WITH THE BULLY GETTING AWAY WITH IT COMPLETELY?!

That just sucks. I don't like that.

I get it may be realistic in this setting. I don't like that.

I didn't like it in Action either, BUT AT LEAST IN ACTION BOTH CHARACTERS HAD SUBSTANCE AND DUNCAN WASN'T COMPLETELY TERRIBLE.

YUL JUST FUCKING SUCKS. And Maggy has no character besides "Everyone bullies me".

FUCK OFF.

"Wow, calm down. A little more stress and you will also lose your eyebrow hair."

Nine more episodes of this guy, and I might just be burned alive from my own DISTAIN.

Okay that's something I guess.

THANK YOU MAGGY FOR AT LEAST DOING THAT.

Uh... should that count as slaying Yul? Idk cause it's a 'Yes & No'

I'll put her in her own tier.

What the hell is going on with you?

So are they just gonna make out in the woods?

And that was the episode... I'm angry. I just-UGH.

I think Yul ALONE is dragging this down for me.

I definitely do think I'm liking Season 1 better.

I just fucking hate this man. This man is TRASH. HUMAN TRASH. TRASH.

Like I did with Season 1, I'll make a character tier list after the season, and explain in FULL DETAIL why Yul is SO HORRIBLE.

And it's not just because he's SUPPOSED to be unlikeable. Fiore was GREAT, and she was a villain. Grett is unlikeable, and I loved her. You could make some arguments about even Jake being unlikeable because he's a flawed character. But I still loved him.

I also just don't like him as a character and he does not work for me as even a villain. The fact that he has to rely on OTHER PEOPLE to do strategic stuff for him, and rely on LUCK to save himself in the game, is PISS POOR TOTAL DRAMA VILLAIN WRITING. I'M SORRY.

If Fiore, A SIX YEAR OLD, can come up with her own strategies, THEN YUL IS AN EVEN WORSE PIECE OF SHIT BY THIS SHOW'S STANDARDS.

(I must state perfectly clear and blatant so nobody throws accusations of my intent: NONE of that is directed at anyone who worked on the show, nor the VA. Do not go harass anyone or him for anything. All my screaming and rage is ONLY at the FICTIONAL CHARACTER. Not any real life people. Don’t harass them. It’s wrong. Always. It’s wrong.)

And he's our main villain... GOD HELP ME.

He's gonna be here the whole time, I just know it. And I'm gonna hate it.

Maggy? You punched him in the face. I salute you.

But I don't care about you.

She did NOTHING IN HER OWN ELIMINATION EPISODE. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?

What even WAS her character this whole time? "I'm big. I'm a bully victim. I lost."

Riya's my best girl. And Rosa. Maybe Lake too. I also like Tess-THE GIRLS REMAINING ARE ALL GOOD.

Riya, I salute you for kicking Yul out when you did and telling him off. YOU GO QUEEN.

QUEEN DESERVES TO SLAY. Honestly.

You want to slay Yul and break the rules to get him eliminated? YOU DO IT. DO WHAT YOU WANT WITH THESE BOYS.

So in conclusion... girls good. boys... bleh. Fuck Yul. Thank you. Namaste.

[msnanu]

Life Twist 04 | JJK

⏤banner by the talented and sweet: @archivedkookie ❣

⏤summary ❧ After an enormous loss in your life and breaking a long relationship with your now ex boyfriend, you decided you needed a life twist. So you move into a new country to try restart your life and seek for your happiness. What you weren’t expecting was someone like Jungkook entering into your life as soon as you got to Seoul.

⏤𝘱𝘢𝘪𝘳𝘪𝘯𝘨 ❧ jungkook x female reader

⏤𝘨𝘦𝘯𝘳𝘦 ❧ fluff, angst, smut, slow burn, 4 years age gap (reader is JK’s noona)

⏤𝘸𝘢𝘳𝘯𝘪𝘯𝘨𝘴 ❧ mature language

⏤𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘥 𝘤𝘰𝘶𝘯𝘵 ❧ 7.1K+

⏤ author’s note❧ You know everything has to go south before getting better, right? 😅 well, there has to be some angst, sorry guys! Please enjoy the new chapter and as always, your comments/inputs are very much appreciated! 🤗

Once you entered the wooden cottage you were mesmerized. Everything looked something that came up straight out of a movie, although this luxurious house has all the conveniences that you could even think of with the finest materials available and more, it also has a cozy and warm look somehow.

Maybe it’s the baby pictures of Hobi and someone who you assume is his big sister that are adorning the walls on the entrance hall. Cute – you think while your eyes don’t even know where to look anymore, everything at this house is so beautiful.

‘Ugh, I hate that picture, I always tell my mom that she should update the pictures over here but she doesn’t want to, she just keeps adding more and more pictures throughout all the house’ says to you Hobi by your side, while you both snicker you say ‘Baby Hobi is cute, I get why your mom doesn’t want to take this picture out – and Hobi, I gotta say this place is just wow, I don’t think I’ve ever been in such a beautiful house’

And then Hobi thanks you while he starts telling you about how a few years ago his parents decided to invest in this cottage, they had been renting it for years in the past from a previous owner as a vacation spot for the family.

With a year or so of work put in, the place was almost fully restored to its previous glory, but it never lost the warm and homey feel, even with all the upgrades changes that were made.

When you first want to enter the house, you travel up a ramp that extends the length of the house, which leads to the front porch that stretches across the front. This porch is a nice place to spend time – you can’t help to think – it provides a beautiful uninterrupted view of the lake and is the perfect place to sit down and just relax.

The front door leads directly to the biggest room in the house, the family room as Hobi calls it. There it’s also the biggest fireplace you’ve seen in your life set on one of the walls on the right corner of the room, which lays beneath a small painting of a cute little dog with big and sweet eyes that your best friend told you is Hobi’s dog ‘Mickey’

The back left part of the back family room contains the entrance to the kitchen that’s scandalous gorgeous with all the furniture made of white marble. The kitchen also its opened to the dining room. The dinning rectangular table that was placed on the middle of the room could easily fit 20 people.

Is there anything in this house that isn’t insanely huge?

There were 3 bedrooms on the first floor but most of them were placed on the second floor – at least that’s what you’ve been told – the bedrooms on the first floor are off the back right side of the family room, each of the 3 rooms containing two beds, but most of the rooms has the two beds pushed together.

There’s a very wide staircase that guides you to the second floor in the back left corner of the family room. Climbing the steps leaves you at this large hall where all 7 bedrooms are placed – they’re just a family of 4 why the heck do they want these many rooms? – on the second floor there’s also a big balcony that has a view to the lake and it must be great at sunset, that’s definitely my favorite place in the house so far – you think

°•○•°●♤♡◇♧•°○•°□▪︎☆♤

As soon as you entered the family room along with Chris, you were greeted with a hug by everyone in your friends group except for Jimin and Yoongi that were in the middle of a 'Rock, papers, scissor' so they both just screamed at you 'Hey guys!' while continuing their “battle” - somehow the guys decided it was the best way to decide in which room each one was going to sleep in - Jimin ended up winning Yoongi and they started bickering each other as always, Yoongi whining because supposedly Jimin cheated while Jimin was laughing at his face saying that he was a sore loser.

You were laughing at those two fighting when you suddenly exchanged looks with Jungkook that you didn't even realize that was on the other side of the room also watching his friends fighting. He had the guiltiest look ever but at this point you didn't care about it, you just wanted to have a good time and thanks to him inviting his little girlfriend or whatever the fuck she is, you weren't feeling as good as you wanted to. As soon as your eyes met, you shifted away.

Ignoring him was the best that you could do, especially because Lina was almost glued to him since they got into the house. God, you wanted to throw up just by seeing that smug face she had plastered on her face

The battle of 'Rock, paper, scissors' continued with the rest of the group also playing. You played against your best friend and won so you got one of the biggest suites on the second floor which to be honest could fit both of you if you wanted, but the house had enough rooms for everyone, so it was all yours.

While you were waiting everyone else finishing their turn on playing the game and deciding each room, Aria and Emma came up closer to you, both outraged. First it was Aria 'What the fuck? Why did JK bring that bimbo? He has been flirting with you and now he does this?'. Last time you got together at the cat café, you told them everything since the beginning of what had been happening with you and JK hence their outrage.

'I honestly don't understand him, girls. But I'm starting to think that he's only playing me'

‘You know I’m on your side on this, but I don’t think so Y/N, I mean I haven’t known him for the longest, but JK doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who’s a player. I think it’s way more possible that he is just stupid as fuck but I don’t think he’s a playboy’

‘Stupid or not, he brought that blondie here after giving Y/N an unnecessary explanation saying that Lina isn’t his girlfriend, why did he explain himself when he didn’t need to do it and then pull something like this?’ said Aria who was the angriest at this point

‘That’s what it confuses me the most. Why would he bother on explaining something that he doesn’t have the obligation to explain me? And then do this? I don’t know but it sounds intentional to me’

‘Maybe it was intended for you to get jealous, haven’t you thought about that?’ says Emma

Did he really pull this stunt just to make you jealous? He can’t be that stupid, right? Inviting someone that he supposedly doesn’t like anymore just to mess with you seems a little bit too much

You sigh ‘Maybe. But he’s not getting anywhere doing something like this, at least not with me. I just want to have a relaxing time so if his little girlfriend gets on the way of me having a good time over here, then I’m going to be really pissed off at him’

‘We’ll make sure you have that good time with us, come on, group hug to clean up the bad bitch vibes’ said Aria while she opened her arms encouraging both of you to come close and hug her. Emma and you just snickered while sharing a look and going for the hug. It’s so nice to have friends who back you up

°•○•°●♤♡◇♧•°○•°□▪︎☆♤

‘Hey – funny story… Do you remember when I told you “Don’t do anything stupid”? Well, inviting Lina to make Y/N jealous is the stupidest thing that you could’ve done. Sometimes I think your brain is trained to do exactly the opposite of what I tell you’Says Jin while supporting himself with his arm on JK’s shoulder

‘I realize that now, I don’t need for you to scold me, hyung’ while JK’s eyes are solely on you talking to Emma and Aria

‘She’s not even sparing one look over to you. You fucked up real good. I hate to say it, but I told you so’

‘You have to help me, hyung. If I go over to talk to her, I have the feeling she’s gonna tell me to fuck off’

‘I have to help you??’ Jin starts to laugh frenetically ‘I tried to help you Jungkookie but you didn’t listen to me. Me telling you not to do anything stupid was the help. You just didn’t want to hear it and now you’ll have to deal with the consequences of your actions, like any other adult does’ says over to the maknae who’s know sending him daggers with his gaze while crossing his arms over his chest

‘If you don’t help me, I swear I’m gonna rip out your RJ teddy bear in small pieces when we get home’

Jin gasps at JK’s threat and says ‘You wouldn’t’

‘Try me, hyung’

‘You know, threatening your elders is not cool at all – you little brat’ and then Jin sighs and continues with a defeating tone ‘Okay, I’ll try to see what’s the damage and smooth your way in so you could explain yourself to her. But I’m not doing this again, you got yourself into this mess, you should be the one to get yourself out of it’

‘Thanks, hyung! You’re the best’ says the youngest excited while hugging his hyung tightly

‘Ugh, I know. Sometimes it’s exhausting to be this handsome and good hyung’

°•○•°●♤♡◇♧•°○•°□▪︎☆♤

After all setting up your belongings in your rooms, Namjoon and Joey had the idea of going hiking, they both like going hiking constantly on Seoul together so, they did some research over the area and found that not too far from the cottage there was a short trail that led into an amazing view of the mountains and the lake that was worth to try.

Yoongi, Taehyung and Jackson stayed on the house. Taehyung and Jackson were going to do some groceries for the next days in the meantime and Yoongi wanted to have a slumber so, you were going hiking with Namjoon, Chris, Jimin, Jin, Jungkook, Hobi, Joey, Emma, Aria and of course, Lina.

You and Jin somehow stayed behind the others, walking slower than the rest as you saw Lina clinging on Jungkook who had the most discomforting face that you’ve ever seen on him. Well, he brought this himself, he should deal with it – you thought to yourself. Though, being honest with yourself, you wanted to take off Lina’s claws of JK’s body and throw her over the lake, yes… you were feeling insanely jealous – and you’re not the jealous type at all normally – but you weren’t going to act on it neither you were going to accept that you wanted to slap the shit out of that blondie. You were trying to play as cool as possible, but it was really hard specially when every time she came close to JK she looked back at you with a smug face, so fucking childish

‘A penny for your thoughts?’ says suddenly Jin breaking the silence among you two

You look over him and lie ‘I’m just thinking how beautiful this forest is’

Jin snickers because your face tells a lot more than what you think ‘Yeah Y/N, try again’

‘What do you mean?’ you play dumb

‘I can see that you’re lying. You’ve been glancing Jungkookie and Lina since we started hiking. It’s okay if it bothers you. But you shouldn’t worry too much, there’s nothing more between them, at least not from JK’s end’

‘It doesn’t bother to me; he can do whatever he wants’ you keep lying shamelessly

‘So, you’re not mad at him at all?’

And that’s when you see that Jungkook is glancing over to you and Jin and then it hits you  

‘What’s with the sudden questionary? Did JK sent you to talk to me?’

‘What?? Noo, of course not. I just wanted to know if you’re okay with him’ says Jin with a high pitch tone and you see his ears starting to go red

‘Did someone ever told you that your ears get red when you’re lying?’

‘I’m not lying, my ears get red because when someone puts all their attention on me, I get nervous’

‘You’re so full of shit, Jin’ you say while laughing, and he starts laughing too

‘Hey – now this is coming from me, he’s an idiot sometimes but he’s not a bad person, just so you know’

‘Yeah so, I’ve been told… Just tell your friend that if he needs to say something to me, he should be the one to approach me’

Jin just nodded at you, and you continued your walk chit chatting with him.

You were just a few minutes of getting to the final part of the trail and watching the amazing views that Namjoon and Joey had told you all about when Jimin suggested taking a picture of everyone. So, JK went to set the camera with the timer while you all gathered, you ended up between Aria and Emma who were smashing you with a hug while smiling at the camera and you heard the camera going off.

JK went again to check on the pictures that the camera had taken and gave a thumbs up, the pictures looked nice. You didn’t even realize that you were staring at him until he met your eyes and then he smiled at you, and you just smiled back. Fuck why does he have to be this handsome?

Then Jimin went over to him asking to see the pictures, so you stopped staring at each other. That’s when you turned around and started walking towards Aria and Emma who were already a few steps ahead of you and suddenly you feel someone pushing you – while trying to protect yourself from the fall, you ended up tripping with a rock that was in front of you, and you didn’t even get to see –

You sent a loud curse as soon as you hit the ground, you had twisted your ankle and the pain was killing you. You try to see what the hell happened that made you fall and when you saw Lina being the closest to where you had fallen, you already knew that she had to be the one that pushed you somehow.

‘Ups, I’m sorry, I tripped, and I must’ve pushed you, I didn’t mean to hurt you’ she said to you. You had the feeling that it had been on purpose but, you gave her the benefit of the doubt just because you couldn’t even think straight with the sharp pain that you were feeling

What you didn’t knew at that time was that Lina had seen that little stare moment you had with Jungkook. And her blood started to boil as soon as she saw how you two smiled to each other.

The thing is, she didn’t even care about Jungkook. She just hated not to be the center of attention anymore, she needed for him to just look at her and only her. And she hated that since you got to that cottage, every time that she looked at him, he was already eyeing you.

Chris and Jungkook were the firsts to get to you. Both kneeling on your side as Jungkook delicately took your ankle and gave it a look examining it. ‘I think it might be a strain, you shouldn’t keep walking noona, it’s already starting to swell – I’ll take you back to the cottage’ said Jungkook quickly without giving a chance to anyone else to offer.

Your eyes were starting to water, each minute that passed your ankle was hurting a lot more but you felt bad dragging Jungkook with you and also a part of you was nervous of staying alone with him, you had been almost successful on ignoring him since you got there and your best friend was also there to help so, you said ‘JK there’s no need, Chris can take me back’

Jungkook felt a little bit sad that you preferred going with Chris and then thought that maybe you felt uncomfortable being taken by him after all that happened today, but he didn’t want to let you go so, he said ‘Okay, but I’ll go back with you two, just in case’

Lina was fuming at this point and said ‘I’m going back with you then, Kookie’ but JK turned her down and said ‘There’s no need, go enjoy the view, you almost got there’ – well, karma is a bitch – you wanted to laugh so bad at Lina’s face

Then Jungkook watched as Chris grabbed you by your thighs and you wrapped your arms around his neck. Fuck, I wish I was him – JK thought and the whole way back he kept hoping that Chris would get tired so that way he could be the one to take you but that didn’t happen

°•○•°●♤♡◇♧•°○•°□▪︎☆♤

You almost didn’t talk on your way back.  You noticed JK’s gaze on you all the time. Chris and JK went talking all the way back to the cottage, both asking you from time to time if the pain had reduced. By the time you got to the cottage, Chris helped you laying on one of the sofas while he went to look for an ice bag for your ankle.

That’s when JK sits on the sofa next to you and grabbed again with the same delicacy as before your ankle. ‘It’s not that swollen, It’s probably not a strain. That’s a good thing, you’ll most likely walk normal by tomorrow’ he said smiling at you sweetly

‘Yeah, luckily it’s not hurting that bad now’

Chris came back with the ice bag and put it on your ankle while JK hold it in place

‘How did you ended up falling, babe?’ asks Chris while JK glares at him without realizing when he called you ‘babe’ – Chris didn’t even notice the glare because he was staring at you, but you did and your lips twitched, you wanted to laugh at JK’s face –

‘Well, Lina supposedly tripped over and ended up pushing me, and I tripped with a rock’

That’s when Chris looks over to JK and says ‘Lina, huh?’

And there it was again, that guilty look in Jungkook’s face. You started to feel bad because you knew Chris was indirectly blaming Jungkook with that look so you came to save the day saying ‘She said it was an accident, I honestly couldn’t see anything, so I’ll give her the benefit of the doubt’

‘Something tells me that with Lina nothing is an accident’ says your best friend

‘Chris’, you call him, and only then he looks at you ‘I’m okay, it was an accident’

He then sighs and says ‘Okay, I’ll go grab a glass a water, you want some?’

‘Yes, please, thanks bestie’

Then he directs his gaze towards JK ‘What about you, Bambi eyes?’

JK snickers and says ‘No, thanks hyung, I’m okay’. Chris nods and makes his way over to the kitchen once again.

‘Does he always call you “babe”?’ Jungkook curiosity won, and he questions you

You chuckle and respond ‘He does that quite a lot, but he only does it because I don’t like that pet name, he’s just teasing me’

‘Ohhhh… so, you don’t like it’ JK says, and you just hum in affirmation while he makes a mental note on not calling you ever “babe” and then he nervously calls you saying ‘Noona’

‘Hmm?’ you say while you rest your head on one of the cushions with your eyes closed

‘I’m sorry for inviting Lina… I-’ you interrupt him trying to not sound harsh with your tone voice and saying ‘Jungkook, I don’t really feel like talking about it right now’

‘Oh…’ he sounds a little disappointed ‘It’s okay noona, um…if it’s okay with you, I really want to have a chance to talk about this with you, whenever you prefer it’

‘Okay…we can talk some other time’ and then you continue ‘And just as an FYI, next time you want to know if I'm mad at you, just ask me. Don't send Jin over, he's an awful liar'

His face starts to blush 'Noted' he says 'so... are you? - Mad at me?'

You act as if you were thinking about it while you see him nervously biting his lip ring and then say 'I don't think so. At least not for now' while smiling at him

'Good' he copies your smile

If he keeps smiling to you like that you'll end up asking him to marry you without even realizing, he's hypnotizing you

'Good' you repeat and nod at him 

The sound of voices coming from outside broke the little moment you were sharing with each other. The guys had come back from the hike. 

As soon as Lina entered saw JK sitting right next to you and made his way over to him saying 'Kookie, I missed you so much. How about we go to my room and have some fun again?' while touching his arm

Yours and Jungkook's eyes widened, and your smile dropped immediately - is she being fucking serious?  Did she have to say that in front of you? Is he screwing her again? What the fuck? - if you weren't showing any signs of anger at this point it all changed, you cleaned your throat and thank God for your best friend who made his appearance with the glass of water at that same time.

So, not wanting to hear the disgusting conversation that would follow between those two you told Chris 'Hey - I think I'm gonna go have a shower, can you help me going upstairs tho? My ankle's still hurting a little bit'

'Yeah sure, let's go' your best friend said grabbing you again from your thighs to carry you upstairs and while doing so, you heard Jungkook 'Y/N wait'

'You should be talking to her, not me' you responded Jungkook with a cold tone for the first time before leaving

Ok now she is mad - JK thought and stayed in silence not wanting to make you angrier -

This time you didn't care if he gave you puppy eyes, you were done with his little girlfriend and him.

'What was all of that?' asked Chris while he carried you upstairs

'Nothing. I'm just done with that blondie clinging on Jungkook all day long, she's unsufferable'

'Is it just me or am I sensing some jealousy, babe?' says your best friend while snickering when he is met with your glare

'Not in the mood for joking right now' 

'Okay, okay... I love you, don't hate me'

You chuckle a little bit, but you're feeling upset, and you're getting angry at yourself because you're letting that stupid girl get under your skin. Maybe the shower will help you feeling better.

On the other side, Lina now was the happiest she’s ever been since she had gotten to the cottage. She could see right before you went upstairs that anger was all written down your face. She knew she had won this time.

She didn't even care that as soon as you disappeared, Jungkook glared the fuck out to her and said 'Just so you know, there's no way I'm sleeping with you again or something remotely similar, so you better not say something like that ever again to me. Me inviting you here, was not me wanting to restart things where we left off'

'Whatever, Jungkook' - I know someday you'll come crawling back to me, Lina thought while rolling her eyes at him.

°•○•°●♤♡◇♧•°○•°□▪︎☆♤

The shower helped on relaxing your tensing body. You had a slumber after it and recharged some energies while you also gave your ankle a necessary rest. When you got up, it was starting to get dark outside. You decided to change into leggings and since the air felt chilly you put on a sweater, a special sweater for you.

You were limping a little bit while going downstairs, but thankfully you could walk by yourself, and your ankle didn’t hurt as a half as it did earlier.

There was a delicious smell coming from the kitchen, while heading there Jackson came from outside where some of the guys were playing foot volleyball and as he saw you, he said ‘Y/N, how are you feeling? The guys told me you hurt your ankle while hiking’

‘I’m okay, it was no biggie, I think by tomorrow I’ll be able to walk normally. Thanks for asking tho’ you say offering him an appreciation smile ‘Someone’s certainly good at cooking, it smells amazing here’

‘I know right? Yoongi is our designated chef on our trips. He’s preparing some kimchi, bibimbap and fried chicken for tonight’s dinner’ he said while coming closer to you ‘Come here, I’ll give you a hand, support yourself on me, you shouldn’t be forcing your ankle’

‘Oh, thanks’ you said while accepting his offer. When you entered the kitchen along with Jackson, Yoongi was cutting some vegetables on the kitchen island while Jungkook was turned around helping him out preparing the fried chicken.

When Yoongi saw you, he gave you a little smile and asked, ‘How’s that ankle going Y/N?’ and Jungkook immediately turned his head over to you and furrowed his eyebrows once he saw you supporting yourself on Jackson’s – this guy really has a nerve to act like he’s the one jealous – so, you decide once to be petty and try to make JK more jealous ignoring him completely and saying ‘I’m better thank u Yoongi, I actually can walk by myself now, it hurts a little bit yet but Jackson who is such a gentleman offered to help me so I wouldn’t force my ankle’ while pinching Jackson’s cheek. Jackson blushed and said ‘It’s nothing, come on… you should sit on the dining room and keep your leg up so the ankle doesn’t swell with the blood rushing’ as soon as you saw JK’s burning gaze you were a little bit more content with yourself and you walked towards the dining table where Emma was setting the plates on the table.

‘Hey sweetie, I’m happy to hear that you’re better’ she said – since the kitchen was opened to the dinning room she heard your talk with Yoongi –

‘Yeah, I’m sure tomorrow I won’t need more help from this big guy to walk’ you snickered with Emma and Jackson while he helped you sitting on a chair.

‘Thanks again, sweetie’ you said while Jackson winked at you and left while you saw smoke coming from the kitchen and it wasn’t the food, it was JK who was about to lose it – he tried to make me jealous, it’s only fare that I do the same thing, right?

A few minutes later while you and Emma were having a chat on the dining table, Chris appeared on the kitchen and smiled while going towards you two

‘Haven’t seen this one in a while’ said Chris while pointing at your grey sweater ‘Remember when we went to the countryside with your dad?’ - your smiling best friend says and you just nod your head while you start reminiscing that day, you were both 16 at that time - ‘That was such a fun day, we didn’t do anything crazy but I don’t know it’s one of those days that I recall like if it happened yesterday and your dad was wearing that same sweater’

‘Yeah, dad loved it, it’s one of the things that I couldn’t bring to give away since he’s gone’ you say to Chris, while Emma had a little surprised face that lasted a few seconds since she didn’t know that your dad had passed away

You also loved that sweater; it was really comfy and warm. And every time you wore it, you felt like your dad was hugging you.

JK’s jealousy was long gone by now, and he was smiling while hearing your conversation with your best friend from the kitchen. He also remembered that sweater. One time you went to the gym, and it was a little colder than usual outside, so you decided to wear that.

It was obviously not your size, so he curiously asked you that day ‘Did you steal a sweater from Chris?’ while laughing and that’s when you told him that it was one of the few things that you had left from you dad and that you loved it so much. He also thought you looked cute with that oversized clothe on you.

The rest of the evening went pretty calm, you enjoyed your dinner sitting between Aria and Emma while talking about multiple topics, one that extended a long period of time was about ‘Dr. Romantic 3’ series which the three of you loved.

You realized Jungkook was awfully quiet the whole dinner, but you didn’t pay that much attention to him, especially when Lina was once again clinging and sitting next to him. Ugh, you hated how you felt the need to choke that girl every time you saw her

After dinner and some hours talking over the table, Aria started to take the dirty dishes to the kitchen and some of the guys also got up to help her while Taehyung was in charge of cleaning the dishes. You were about to get up to help them also, but Namjoon told you to stay put and rest the ankle ‘There’s plenty people to help, don’t worry Y/N’ he also said to you with a beaming smile that showed his sweet dimples

‘I’ll help too’ said Lina while taking a bowl of kimchi that had been left over and JK looked at her strangely – that’s weird – she usually doesn’t move a finger for anyone if it’s not for her own benefit

She grabbed the bowl and went towards the kitchen. When she was close enough to you, she acted like she had tripped and the whole leftovers of kimchi landed on you staining your dad’s sweater and part of your leggings

Your mouth hangs open in shock. ‘No!!’ you instantly screamed while you got up panicking. You lifted your head to see a smirking Lina. As soon as she heard the others coming from behind to see what was happening, she immediately changed her features to the most fake innocent look saying ‘Oh my god, I’m sorry, I tripped with the carpet, I think I got up very clumsy today’

You started to see red from the anger, you weren’t stupid, it was obvious that she did it on purpose and now you realize that what happened today hiking it obviously wasn't an accident too. You were so ready to slap the fuck out her when Chris hold stopped you. You were struggling for him to let you go, but he didn’t so you started yelling at Lina

‘I’M SO FUCKING DONE WITH YOU AND YOUR CHILDISH ATTEMPTS TO GET TO ME! YOU WANTED THIS, RIGHT? TO GET ME FUCKING MAD? WELL, YOU ACCOMPLISHED IT AND I SWEAR TO GOD I’LL FUCKING BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU – you try to get of Chris’ hold while saying ‘Chris, LET-ME-GO NOW!!’ And then return your look to the petty girl that’s in front of you – WHAT IS YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM?? I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING TO YOU’

Lina raised her hands in a defensive way and said ‘It was just an accident, jeez take a Xanax you psycho’

‘HEY! - You should really back off’ you heard Emma almost in a threating tone directing to Lina from behind you ‘I saw everything, and it was no accident, you did that on purpose and I’m guessing it wasn’t an accident when you hurt her ankle too, you bitch’

Emma had stayed with you on the table talking to you sitting right beside you before all happened and she saw everything including Lina’s triumphant smirk.

Tears were starting to roll on your cheeks and the last thing you wanted is for everyone see you crying, you hated when people saw you crying. You needed to get your dad’s clothes cleaned as soon as possible, or it would be ruined, if it wasn’t already.

The guys were all quiet and didn’t know how to react, some of them didn’t even know that your dad had passed away and that the sweater you were wearing was his. And what you didn’t know was that Lina had heard your talk with Chris about the sweater before, so she perfectly knew that it belonged to your belated dad.

Some people don’t know how to empathize, to understand and share the feelings of others. So, while some would think that you had an exaggerated reaction because of a sweater, others would feel and share the same pain as you. You don’t need to have been put in the same situation as others to empathize, although there’s people that only can relate to someone when they have been through the same shit. You think, and this is only your opinion, that you either have or not the ability to empathize with someone, it’s not something that could be forced.

That sweater is not just a cloth, it embodies your father, it brings you memories, hugs, moments that you will never forget that were shared with him and that sadly you won’t have again. The first months after your dad’s passing you had cried yourself to sleep countless times while hugging your dad’s clothes, just something that still had his smell on, would be enough to unleash hours of tears rolling down your cheeks without a stop.

Chris was one of those people that could easily empathize with you, he would feel your pain as it if was his own and you didn’t even need to say one word – he knew just by looking at you that you needed to get the fuck out of there where everyone was looking at you with worrying eyes

He took you with him and whispered on your ear ‘Hey – come on, let’s go get you cleaned up, we’ll make it look good as new, don’t worry about it’

You just nodded while heading towards the stairs along with Chris who had his arm around your body helping you walk. He turned his head around for one second and looked for Jungkook – Chris was about to tell him that he better get this solved with that awful human being that he had invited by the time he comes back – but there was no need to, Jungkook was already fuming on his way to where Lina was standing.

By the time you got to your room with your best friend, you immediately took off the sweater and went towards the bathroom to put soap and try to clean up the huge red stain that it had on it. You started to rub on it like crazy until you collapsed on the floor with your hands in your head, you couldn’t stop crying. ‘It’s fucking ruined!’ that’s all you said to your best friend – though you didn’t know if you were talking about the sweater or yourself, you felt so weak since your dad had left you, you just felt like he took with him your entire heart - and then Chris kneeled by your side and hugged you while cooing and saying ‘It’s gonna be fine, I promise I’m gonna make sure it’s cleaned up, you won’t even notice there was a stain before’

‘I just wanted to have a good time and relax for 3 days; I’m not asking too much’

‘I know. It’s not your fault. It’s that blond demon’s fault. But don’t worry, I’m gonna take care of it’ you looked at him with worried eyes and he already knew what you were thinking and said ‘Don’t worry, I’m not gonna beat her ass, even though he surely deserves it, you know I wouldn’t lay a hand on a woman… or a blond demon in her case’

He made you chuckle, and he noticed you were starting to get calmer on his hold. ‘Listen, leave the sweater on water and I’ll come back and grab it in a while. I have to take care of something’ said Chris while helping you getting up from the floor

‘I don’t think I want to go back downstairs, at least not for tonight anymore. I think I’m gonna head to bed’

‘Sure, I’ll be back in a little bit and stay with you until you fall sleep’

You just nodded while Chris engulfed you in a tight hug and gave you a kiss on the top of your head before heading angrily downstairs to deal with the blond demon.

°•○•°●♤♡◇♧•°○•°□▪︎☆♤

By the time Chris was going downstairs he could hear Jungkook’s voice that was resounding the whole cottage coming from the dining room

‘Are you kidding me?? Go grab your fucking suitcase because you’re getting out of here NOW’

‘What? Are you for real? All of this because of her dead father’s sweater?’

 ‘You fucking knew? You knew this whole time and still did that on purpose? What the fuck is your problem? Oh my god, how the fuck did I ever date you, you’re fucking crazy and insensitive’

‘Insensitive? It’s just a fucking sweater. You’re the only one making all this fuzz just because you want to fuck that bitch’

That’s when Jungkook started to lose his temper and scream at her  ‘Lina, you better fucking shut up, I don’t want to ever hear you talking like that about her, you fucking hear me??? Go upstairs and grab your things or you’ll leave without them’

That’s when Chris entered the dining room and pointed at Lina while fuming

‘You. You’re getting the fuck out of here. I don’t fucking care if I have to drive you myself to the train station’

‘Who the fuck do you think you are to talk like that to me? I’m not gonna go in the middle of the night’ Lina said while almost screaming over to Chris

That’s when Hobi intervened also fuming with Lina’s attitude ‘You either go or I call the police and say that you broke into my parents’ cottage, it’s your call’, he says with a stern look towards Lina

‘And all of us are witnesses, so you better get going you awful human being, chop chop’ added Taehyung

Lina scoffed under her breath and went over to get her things upstairs while pushing everyone on her way and saying ‘Whatever’

A few minutes later she was leaving the cottage on an Uber that Jimin had already called while everyone was fighting Lina. ‘Fuck off, you losers’ was the last thing that Lina said over to everyone while they saw her finally leaving.

As soon as the blond demon left, Chris went straight towards Jungkook. JK was ready to receive a punch from his friend, but Chris was just looking at him with an unreadable look on his eyes.

Then sighing he expressed ‘JK, I’m only giving you the benefit of the doubt because you’re also my friend and I think I know you enough to know that you don’t want to intentionally hurt Y/N because you would have to be pretty messed up just like Lina to do that, given that Y/N doesn’t have any bad bone on her body. But I swear to God, if you hurt her one more time in any fucking way, or if you are even remotely related with something that hurts her…I’m gonna forget that you’re my friend and kick the shit out of you. It’s the first and last time I’m telling you this. Do you understand?’

JK nodded at him and said ‘I’m sorry hyung, I never thought Lina would do all those things to her. I never meant to hurt Y/N. I really care about her’ with watery eyes, he was about to cry

‘You shouldn’t be apologizing to me, you should apologize to Y/N – just not now though, you’ll have to wait for whenever she’s ready, she told me to tell you specifically that she doesn’t want to talk to you’ and with that Chris came back upstairs to see you, you were already sleeping so he left you alone to rest.

Jungkook couldn’t hold back his tears when Chris left and Jin went over to hug him ‘She needs time, it’s only natural that she blames you because you’re the one that invited Lina here but I’m sure she’ll come around and you’ll talk whenever she’s ready and solve everything’

‘I never wanted to hurt her in anyway, I’m a fucking idiot’

Jimin intervened and said ‘Hey – stop bashing yourself, it’s no use. From now on just concentrate on amending things with Y/N’

‘I don’t know how but somehow; I’ll have to show her that I care about her’

Jimin and Jin just nodded at JK who was still sniffing some tears away while Yoongi came close and grabbed him by the shoulder telling ‘Come on, you should have a drink or two, it’ll help you feeling better’

That night after having some drinks with his hyungs, JK was on his room laying on his bed staring at the ceiling thinking about you, his mind kept rewinding to the last time he saw you on that dining room, he could tell from a mile away that Lina had done damage on you… and it definitely had done some damage between yours and JK’s relationship.

Only a few steps away from him, you were in your room also staring at the ceiling, you had woken up a few minutes ago with a headache from all the crying and couldn’t stop thinking if Jungkook had brought Lina just to hurt you or if he was as surprised as you when she did all those things to you. You were extremely confused, you didn’t want to think that he was the same as her, you usually read people easily and he never strike you as a bad person… but he has been confusing right from the start and right now your brain didn’t know what to think.

The only thing clear was that neither of you were going to be able to sleep that night.

Previous | Next

[charlieslowartsies]

the reason why my August vacation is so important...

This is a long, kinda emotional for me journal <3

As I mentioned a while ago, I was splitting my usual two weeks in June of debauchery (sleeping & laying in the sun & hiking in the woods outback lol) into one week last month and then saved the last week for the end of August.

I also wanted to explain the significance of this trip! Less about having to justify my time off and more about 'eeee excite omg!' and wanted to share with y'all!

SO a long time ago when I was a wee Charlie, from age 0 up to 21, I was incredibly close to my grandparents on my mom's side. My nana died when I was 15, and while that took a huge toll on me, I was fortunate enough to have my grandpa till 21. These two people were absolutely second parents. My parents did a good enough job raising me, but they had huge fights and my father had anger issues and it caused a lot of wounds. These were the people I could always rely on, when I couldn't rely on my folks.

They lived 2 hours away on a wonderful lake in a lil tiny trailer over looking it. I spent weeks at a time there, even the occasional month. I learned to swim in that lake, which in hindsight prolly wasn't the safest idea due to its depth, and grew up to be obsessed with swimming. Learned how to sail, ski, fish. Learned how to bake, tend a garden, how a fresh bowl of fruit in the morning should be before breakfast.

We'd swim 3x a day, sometimes just to float and cool down before bed, since there was no a/c and the summer nights were hot. Laid on our backs and counted stars like the Lion King. Fried trout on the grill after we'd caught them, had watermelon seed spittin' contests. My grandpa grew pumpkins and carved my name into one, so that the writing grew bigger and bigger over the months. I had one pumpkin live from September to April.

My handprint is on the last cement step leading down to the beach. It was eroded when we scattered my grandpa's ashes in 2014, but I remember where it was, how to place my palm to compare.

I guess I'd say I had a mixed childhood of various great, good, bad, and horrible things. Like most people, yanno? But those golden summer days on the lake were 100% a part of who I am today, and where my many of my happiest memories come from.

Due to me being in college, cost to heat the place in winter when they had no intention of living there, my family sold the property on the lake to an investor who planned to rent it out.

This was 2014. The same year he died, the same year my horse died (within 2 months of each other) and one of my father's many health issues landed him in the hospital from Oct to Dec, so that he spent xmas on an iv stand. With everything going on, we had no time or money for a big dinner, or presents that year.

I guess that was the first year I realized childhood was truly and officially over, and it was time to grow up. Many of us have that marked moment on our life.

Time passed. I finished college, went back home after turning down a few out of state jobs to spend time with my dad, who I had a feeling didn't have much time left. Turned out I was right, as I came home in 2015 and he died in 2022. There was an accident in '16 where he almost bled to death on our kitchen floor, but I was able to provide pressure/medical care and give him some more years.

Shortly after we moved in 17, I was notified that the house on the lake had been rented to someone who unfortunately had a lot of issues mental health wise, and they had eventually abandoned the property. It sat, rotting, and got so covered on the inside in black mold the county leveled the place and destroyed it.

We had left it fully furnished due to the buyer's urging. Ancient, stunning mid century and older furniture from my great-great grandparents time. My nana's organ player. The rocker my mom and I sat in. And, frankly, to quote one of those popular songs, the house that built me was just gone.

I figured that was the end of it, and cried and got angry/sad and then moved on and just tried surviving as covid hit later on in the years.

Turns out, the man who rented it decided that wasn't going to happen again. He put a new trailer on the property, and rented it out for vacationing due to it's location. We didn't know this until I stumbled across it while daydreaming about a vacation on the lake that I missed it was a relative, one I could at least go back to for a few days. My heart skipped so many beats when I saw the address and paused, thinking there had to be come mistake. It wasn't.

Not only can I spend time on that property again (in a new house which honestly might be for the best) But turns out, for whatever reason, they kept the furniture separate and placed a few pieces into the new house. There's a photo of the rocker in the layout photos. The two level lamp they had is still intact and functioning. I booked the place for a week immediately.

It's expensive for me, but my girlfriend and I will make it work. (Certainly not like we have far to travel.) We're going to be there smack dab in the middle of my Grandfather's birthday. I haven't had a true, just-for-me vacation since 2015 when we went to a camping ground. The excitement I have for this is immeasurable.

The dock my Dad and Grandpa put in themselves is fixed up. The crumbled little cement step is still there with a tiny indent, where my 4 yr old hand was pressed. I am going back to this place, and going back in time for just a short while, to heal and have fun and be a whole mess of emotions. I never got to say good bye to my Nana or Grandpa.

But I can say goodbye to them now, and say 'hello again, old friend' to the lake, and the new little house that sits before it.

That is why i am so excited about august. I know I don't share personal things on here a ton, but I wanted to share this. Thank you for reading this far if you have, I appreciate it.

I hope you have a wonderful day and remember how important you are <3 And as always stay hydrated! -Charlie

[didnt-hear-idsb-live-again]

holly my family is going to glacier national park this summer!! what do you recommend doing while we're there? i love to hike but i have a 9 year old sibling so we probably want to do a mix of easier and harder-but-really-cool ones, as well as some non hiking activities. i know you love it there and you were the first person i thought of when i found out!

Oh my gosh!!! I’m SO excited for you you’re gonna love it!!! First of all very important thing to know is that all areas of the park are on a reservation system this year. That means for each different section of the park you’ll need a ticket for timed entry which you can get on recreation.gov - if you don’t already have them I believe they have short notice ones that go on sale 48 hours in advance, so be ready right at the 48 hour mark because they will go fast! Unfortunately it’s like Taylor tickets all over again, lol. Anyways here are my recs assuming that’s all sorted out. Can’t put a cut on mobile so very deeply sorry about this novel lol

EASY STUFF:

Polebridge Area - the northernmost part of the park on the west side, this is one of the lesser trafficked but the road to get there is unpaved. Worth it imo! There’s a general store up there called Polebridge Mercantile and a whole big farm. They make incredible pastries (the huckleberry bear claw is what they’re known for and for good reason! This area is right by Kintla Lake, which you can walk partially around (it’s 14 miles which you wouldn’t want to do, but it’s an idyllic walk with viewpoints and you can turn around whenever!). It’s just a really beautiful area and a wonderful place to spend a day or half a day!

Belly River Valley - this is my favorite favorite FAVORITE part of the park. If you do one thing off this list do this one. It’s the northernmost part on the east side (you literally park at border patrol, lol). It’s an almost completely flat 3 mile hike to do the valley (it spawns off into other bigger hikes, but you can just do this and then stop)! It’s completely idyllic, VERY sparsely trafficked, and depending on when you go there will be wild berries to eat along the whole trail. There’s a big and very shallow lake you can stop at, go for a dip and then turn around! This is about 2.5-3 hours total if you take your time. If you want to extend it, my favorite branch-off hike is Ptarmigan Tunnel, a mountain pass blown out of the mountain due to mining in the 1800’s. It leads to the Many Glacier Hotel and totals about 14 miles one way (hotel employees will likely be happy to give you a ride back; we did it all the time for tourists when I was there. Otherwise go to the tunnel & turn around)!

Many Glacier - this is the wonderful wonderful area where I lived and worked. Even if you’re not staying in the hotel that the area is named for, it’s worth a stop in as it’s a world heritage site and it’s really fascinating to see and learn about. The hotel opens out to a lake and incredibly dramatic mountains, and there’s tons to see and do in this area: you can walk around the lake, there’s a boat company that does educational boat tours of the lakes in the area, you can rent kayaks and canoes, and behind the hotel there’s horses and they do guided trail rides! The boat company and the horse company are the only two locally owned / mom & pop businesses left within the entire park, so it’s really great to support them. This area will likely be the hardest to get reservations for so plan ahead!

Going-To-The-Sun Road - this is the “main” part of the park, taking you through the Rockies and connecting the east and west sides of the park. It is the most beautiful drive you will ever do in your life. There’s tons of viewpoints and spots to take pictures, and on the west end of the park it follows a river which you can pull over anywhere, climb down and splash around in; lots of locals do it and you’ll see them! A lot of hikes in the park leave from here. Sun Point Nature trail is a lovely one mile walk towards the end with beautiful sunset views.

HARDER / LONGER STUFF:

The Highline - off of Going To The Sun Road, The Highline is one of the most famous hikes in the park, and one of the only ones that doesn’t lead to a lake. You’ll be walking on a mountain ridge (not great if you have a fear of heights, fair warning) over Sun Road and seeing the incredible landscape of the park on foot. It’s a 14 mile out-and-back, but the good news is it’s flat and most people don’t do all 14 miles as there’s no end “viewpoint”; the whole trail is the viewpoint. You can do 1 mile or the whole 14 and still have an incredibly satisfying experience.

Grinnell Glacier - bad news about Glacier is that all the photos of beautiful alpine lakes are 10 mile out-and-back hikes at minimum. Grinnell Glacier Trail, which leaves from the Many Glacier area is the one with the best views the entire hike, and also the shortest of all of them. It’s going to be very highly trafficked for this reason, so a) go earlier or later in the day, and b) if you go to the Hotel and get a parking spot there, there technically is another parking lot a half mile away. Don’t leave your parking spot, just walk over. The walk is pretty and mostly circles the big lake I mentioned! It’s not worth it to try and get a parking spot over there, it’s complete hell unless you’re there VERY early in the morning. Grinnell Lake is a shorter hike and departs from this trail after 2ish miles if your younger sibling can’t make the whole thing - but I’ve seen lots of children do this! It’s an easy 10 miles because the views are so beautiful. I’ve done it in 4 hours but it would probably take the average person with a kid in tow about 5-6.

Apikuni Falls - this one is short, but like a stairmaster 3000. It’s on the way to the Many Glacier area so if you want a quick little stop on the way and don’t have many other big hikes planned, this one is a great little workout. Leads to a gorgeous waterfall and there’s TONS of wildflowers the whole way and lots of moose live along this route so you might see some!

Jackson Glacier (via Gunsight Pass) - this one is WAY less trafficked compared to others in the area; not a lot of tourists know about this one. It’s off of Sun Road and leads to the biggest glacier in the park! There’s again TONS of huckleberries and thimbleberries (tastiest berries in the whole world) along this trail to snack on, I didn’t even need the snacks I brought with me lol. It goes across a lot of beautiful valleys and rivers, and there are some VERY steep stretches (the Jackson Glacier Part specifically; you can bail after the Gunsight Pass portion and still have had a great hike) but then it’s flat for most of it!

Dawson Pitamocken - this hike is a bit different than the others as you’re walking on top of the mountains above the treeline; it feels a bit like you’re on the edge of the world. But the views are UNREAL. You get an almost Birds Eye view of a lot of the lakes in the park. t’s quite long but it’s not horribly difficult; a fair amount of uphill but nothing insane where you’ll be keeled over trying to catch your breath. This is the hardest on the list in terms of length and uphill combined, though, and I’d only recommend it if your sibling takes everything else like a champ! This will be an all day thing, but there’s lots of lovely spots for breaks and photos on the way etc. It’s in Two Medicine which will be the easiest to get a reservation for; it’s the least trafficked part of the park. Two Med is also a GREAT spot to sit by the river and take in the views and have a picnic, too.

Avalanche Lake & Trail Of The Cedars (they’re connected as one hike) is the main trail that people with kids do. It’s 5.5 flat miles (one of the easier ones) and a fair sampling of the park on the west side of Sun Road, but imo it’s nothing crazy compared to what else the park has to offer. If your siblings capacity / attention span for hikes is low this is a good compromise and what park rangers will probably recommend.

OUTSIDE THE PARK & WHERE TO EAT

Glacier Raft Co is incredibly fun!!!! It’s whitewater rafting down the main river that formed the area. Incredibly safe even for kids; they monitor the conditions and choose your route really well (and especially later in the summer; it’s the wildest in May / June when the snow is still melting). Just a great experience and if you’ve never been whitewater rafting it’s a great and scenic intro. It’s in Kalispell before you enter the park.

Sable Coffee is one of my favorite coffee spots in the whole US. It’s located in Kalispell, and the huckleberry roles are imo the best huckleberry treat in the area.

Backslope Brewing is a PHENOMENAL restaurant. Don’t let the name fool you because while it is technically a brewery, I’ve never had a sip of beer there. it’s one of the best restaurants I’ve ever been to - they serve Korean-American fusion food and it’s soooooo good.

Jalisco Cantina is an upscale Mexican restaurant in Whitefish, the nicer Ski resort town next to Kalispell. A bit pricier if you have dinner as opposed to lunch, but if you guys go out for a nicer meal it should 100000% be here. They have stuff for kids as well (some of the best baked Mac & cheese I’ve ever had. they put chorizo and Mexican spices in it etc so the kids meals aren’t too kid-ish either)

There’s a pop-up trailer on the way from the east exit of Sun Road to the Many Glacier area called Full Quiver. It’s just parked on the side of the road. The sweetest woman in the world bakes pastries and lunch items and sells them every morning. She makes the best cinnamon roll you’ll ever eat in your life.

I hope this all helps bestie and if you have any specific questions please feel free to let me know!!!

[ymaohoh]

Chrissy Ran Away - 2/3 - Fic

Chapter 2: Did you feel the ground beneath us start to move?

Eddie wasn’t being so friendly to her now. He’d barely spoken to her since she turned up covered in mud and leaves with a fucked up knee. He seemed to be doing his best to avoid her completely. What if Chrissy ran from Eddie after her vision? What if it pushed them apart? They share a joint and it gets much much worse. My take on 'Chrissy lives'. Chrissy and Eddie talk. This whole chapter is Chrissy/Eddie 1-1.

Word Count: 5,295

Chapter: 2/3

Warning: Drug use and lots of angst.

Also on Archive of Our Own.

Previous Chapter 1/3 here.

Next chapter up 3/3

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“You want…a hit?”

He made it sound like she’d just announced she wanted to jump in the lake naked. 

She swallowed. 

The backdoor opened out onto a little patch of grass which overlooked the lake. It wasn’t Chrissy’s first time at Lover’s Lake. She’d come here a couple of times for weekend parties or when someone wanted to swim right now and couldn’t wait to drive the extra few hours to go to the larger lake on the other side of town (which offered stores nearby with magnets and postcards, as well as a place to rent fishing stuff). Lover’s Lake was pretty though and Chrissy actually preferred its quiet secluded charm. Even though she hated the way she looked in her swimsuit she was a pretty good swimmer. She could swim across the lake and back easy. 

Not at night though, obviously. 

The lake was pitch black now though she could see the ripples sparkling on the water and where the treeline met the navy blue of the sky. 

Reefer Rick had obviously enjoyed sitting out here to… presumably smoke?...as he had a nice set up here. While inside the house was sparse and devoid of any decoration or attention (her mum would disdainfully describe it as a ‘bachelor pad’ like on the TV) he’d actually made some effort out here to make it look nice. 

A dozen or so wooden chairs and camping fold outs formed a circle around an old log burner. Some of the chairs even boasted rain-proof cushions.Tall metal poles (camping poles maybe?) had been set up purposefully around the circle with what looked like old fairy lights trailing between them. Contrasting wickedly with this aesthetic was a large tin bucket with empty beer bottles and cigarette butts inside. She could even see an empty bottle of the same whiskey her dad liked. Behind her, by the wall of the house, lay a fishing rod and a load of chopped up logs for the fire (wet and useless now). One of them still had an axe embedded in the side. 

Just beyond the patch of grass she could make out a small dock which snaked around the side of the house to the boarded up boathouse. She wondered if Rick ever dragged a chair to the dock’s edge and fished that way? That’s what she would do. 

Her grandfather used to take her fishing. She used to squeal at the worms but she enjoyed it all the same. He only took her brother now. 

Rick evidently liked sitting here in the evenings with the lights on as he enjoyed the last rays of sunset. Perhaps alone or perhaps with company. Friends. Maybe he had a girlfriend? It would be pretty romantic to share this place with someone special. She recalled Eddie’s words from yesterday about Rick being a good guy despite being in prison and Nancy shooting him down. Maybe…maybe it was possible to be both? A criminal and a good guy who enjoyed sunsets and fishing and drinking beer with his buddies? 

And who was it hurting really? 

She didn’t think Jason would like this place. He’d turn his nose up and say things like ‘white trash’ and ‘run down’ and ‘fucking boring, Chrissy’. 

But she liked it here. It was peaceful and private and secret. Her future was already mapped out before her like a storybook (edited carefully by her mom and dad and even Jason had a look in) but maybe one day she could have a private place like this. 

Yeah with two crying babies at her feet, her waist thick with another, and a god-damned gourmet dinner to plan, she thought archly. Jason had already said they would hire a cook and cleaner. She only had to stay in shape and give him the children he would never spend time with. 

She knew she was a beast for being down about this. She did. She knew it was ungrateful and wicked. But she couldn’t help but just want…

Whatever. Cry me a river, right? 

She wondered if Eddie had a girlfriend he brought to magical places like this to watch sunsets and laugh and make out with. He never mentioned a name or hinted there could be someone but Chrissy was starting to see there was a lot more to Eddie Munson then the rumours would suggest. Just like Fred. Just like Rick. Maybe even like her? 

Eddie was watching her take everything in but his expression was unreadable. He had his shield up. 

She realised she still had to answer his question. Oh yeah. Right. Weed. 

“If that’s okay?” When he didn’t answer right away she added, her heart thudding, “I can pay you obviously. Sorry. I know it costs a lot and it’s your business. I’m not asking for any favours. Sorry. Twenty dollars, right? I have cash in my purse.”

He spoke slowly. “No, it's fine. You don’t need to pay me, Cunningham.”

Eddie had half risen from one of the wooden chairs when she came out and let himself sink back down again. Chrissy had an idea and quickly reached back inside the house for one of Dustin’s torches before firmly closing the door behind her. She chose one of the wooden seats on the opposite side of the circle, careful to give him some of the distance he clearly still wanted. 

“I’ll keep this on,” she tapped a bubblegum-pink nail to the torch laying at her side but made sure it shone down onto her thigh to smother most of the glow. She didn’t want any late-night hikers (or whoever the hell else came to the woods at this time of the night) to spot the light and bother them. The lake was incredibly secluded with only one access road but like Nancy said - they didn’t need any more trouble. “If there’s any danger or problems…from the upside-down …then I’ll see it flicker.”

Eddie nodded and stretched out his long legs. 

They observed each other silently in the near darkness and Chrissy pulled the borrowed blanket up around her shoulders. Even though it was spring it was still chilly and she wasn’t wearing very much. Though her baby-blue nightshirt covered far more of her than Nancy’s did, it was made from the same light breathable cotton. All of Chrissy’s night clothes were conservatively cut with buttons to her chin and her knees firmly hidden (though this one was sleeveless). She'd seen more trendy sexy outfits at the mall and in the magazines, but knew her parents would throw a fit if they ever caught a flash of silk or lace. They would immediately ask her who exactly she was buying these outfits for. God forbid she wanted to wear something just because she liked it and wanted to feel the silk against her skin. 

In contrast Eddie had shrugged on his leather jacket though his usual patched denim vest was noticeably absent. She wondered if leather would feel just as great on skin as silk did? 

“It’s pretty here, Eddie. Rick picked a good spot,” she offered softly. 

“Yeah.”

“I came up here last summer with some friends. I wanted to swim but nobody was keen on the idea. I forgot my sunscreen though and my shoulders and nose turned pink. Jason thought it would be funny to cool down in the lake and tossed me in,” she smiled weakly. “So I guess I did get my swim.” Her pale skin always freckled and burnt in even the slightest ray of sunshine. Her mom hated it. 

She offered this out as some kind of olive branch but Eddie simply lit the joint and put his lighter away with a soft clink of metal. It’s like pulling a tooth out, she thought. 

The only other noises around them were the gentle lapping of water against the side of the dock and the quiet windchime Rick had hanging by the back door. The only light came from the torch at her side and the moonlight above which was bright and piercing. 

“I thought Nancy was taking the second watch,” he said instead. 

“I couldn’t sleep. Nancy was out cold when Robin came up and it didn’t seem fair to wake her up. Not when she’s been so nice. I don’t mind. I’d like to help.” Chrissy said quietly. “Couldn’t you sleep?”

“No,” he said. “I’ll be alright though. I’ve pulled plenty of all nighters.”

She wondered if he was having nightmares too. It was the sort of the thing that they should discuss and perhaps bond over, having experienced it together. She and Eddie were only here right now because of that one shared horrible event. 

She didn’t ask though. Neither did he. Maybe she should have. 

“You’ve smoked this before, right? At a jock party or something?” he asked. “Just so I know. I don’t want you to like black out or puke. Harrington will kill me. He seems like your delegated guard now.”

“My friend Amanda from the cheer squad bought some for us after the homecoming game last year. I tried it then. Do you know her?”

“No. I don’t know Amanda.” He said it like it was obvious. Like how she’d not known who Fred was.

She almost flinched. 

“Well…she got some. Jason and his friends do it sometimes though he lies and says he doesn’t.”

Eddie made a noise in the back of his throat at the mention of Jason.

He took a long drag from the joint and passed it over to her. The earthy smokey smell rose up between them. 

She thanked him quietly. 

Before she could lift it up to her lips though he asked, “I really don’t want to be that person who tells you what to do, but are you sure this is a good idea, Cunningham? You…you’re going through a lot. What if this makes your…visions…whatever they are…worse?”

She’d thought about it too but she could see goosebumps on her arm and it furthered her resolve. The chill helped make her feel more awake and alive and steady. She suddenly felt like she was in the exact right place. 

“Maybe it will, or maybe it won’t. Maybe it’ll help stop me thinking about them all the time. This is all crazy, Eddie. I can’t imagine some weed will make it crazier. I only want a little bit anyway.”

Eddie didn’t say anything but she could feel his eyes watching her face. 

She took a short drag and softly exhaled. She was surprised she didn’t cough. She’d coughed her lungs up the first time. 

“I don’t know which bit of the last two days is the weirder. Seeing all that last night…finding out science fiction is in fact not fiction…that Wheeler keeps guns under her bed…or you Chrissy Cunningham sitting here smoking a joint with me at Reefer Rick’s while all those guys are asleep.” He was running a hand through his messy hair and shook his head as if he couldn’t believe any of it. That was understandable. 

“Maybe all of the above?” she replied gently. She took another drag and passed it back. 

She could already feel the warmth of the joint in the tips of her fingers and the slow haze uncurling in the back of her head. She wouldn't need more than another few tokes to get buzzed. 

They sat quietly for a few moments. It wasn’t the nice comfortable silence that they’d all eaten dinner in, but more of a hush. As though the darkness around them was holding its breath and waiting for something to happen. He was clearly not in the mood to make conversation with her but at the same time struggled with the silence. That seemed to be something Eddie struggled with in general. Maybe it’s why he rambled so much? Made himself so present and big? Her successful smoking of the joint seemed to have made him forget for a second that he was trying to ignore her. 

“Glad to see you don’t chief your spliffs, Cunningham.” Chrissy must have looked completely confused because he explained. “It means hogging it. Some people weren’t taught how to share.”

“Oh. You’re welcome?”

She suddenly felt silly at her inexperience even though it wasn’t exactly her first time. She didn’t know any of the words and terms for weed, or molly, or reefer? (was that a word?). He probably thought she was a total drip. She tried to recall some of the stuff Amanda and the other girls said when they were messing around before. She remembered Stacey giggling and saying she’d tried it and said…what was the word? 

“Are we shotgunning?”

Again Eddie looked at her like she wanted to jump in the lake naked. This time pushing him in too. He actually coughed. 

“Are you…D-Do you know what that means?”

“It’s a way of smoking it with someone else…right? Sorry. Am I wrong? Stacey said she’d done it with her boyfriend.”

She’d not heard Eddie sound embarrassed before. She didn’t even know he could get embarrassed like other people. He clearly was now though. “It’s… when two people smoke together, yeah, but one person inhales and exhales into the other person’s open mouth. It means you can get high without the joint.”

Chrissy felt like she was blushing from the roots of her hair to the tips of her toes. She was so glad it was dark. 

“It’s definitely definitely not what we’re doing right now, Cunningham. I think I’d know. Jesus Christ, I feel like I’m corrupting your little soul even telling you about it.”

“Oh…wow. Stacey missed that part out.” 

“Not something in Carver’s wheelhouse, I expect.”

The idea of Jason of all people doing something like that made her nearly giggle. Jason would faint if she even mentioned it. He didn’t even know she’d tried weed. “No way. He’d say something like ‘good girls don’t do that stuff, Chrissy.”

It sounded so intimate. So private. Had Eddie ever done it? Unlike Jason, she could easily imagine Eddie doing something like that. He was so alive. So vibrant. There was no way she was asking him though. 

Eddie passed her back the joint and she took another small drag. 

“Good girls do that stuff. Trust me.” 

Interesting. She didn’t know what to really say to that so instead looked at her bare feet which were curled up beside her. 

“I mean…you came to me for drugs…what two days ago? I thought it was a joke at first, the queen of Hawkins High asking little old me for weed. I was sort of expecting to get jumped when I walked into those woods, you know? But no, there you were all alone in your white sneakers and little pink backpack. It was like some bizzaro dream. And then, if you can believe it, you asked all sweet and innocent like for something stronger and got into scary Eddie’s van. Fucking crazy. Definitely not a good girl move.” 

“I didn’t even know what stronger was,” she admitted. “I just…”

“You would have taken whatever I gave you, huh?”

“Yeah…probably.”

It was an irresponsible thing to admit, she knew that. But her need to just forget and sleep and finally put an end to her nightmare visions had overridden any concerns about her safety. 

Don’t cry, Chrissy. It’s time for your suffering to be over…

“For the record…I wouldn’t have let you actually take the ketamine. I was already having second thoughts when…”

When it happened. He didn’t want to say the words and neither did she. 

The memory seemed to rise up between them and she heard him shift. 

She cleared her throat and thought about something else to say. “I smoked weed a month ago when I thought it might help me stop being so hungry all the time…I was on a crash diet trying to fit into some dress my mom bought for a church thing.”

Woah, why was she admitting this? She could hardly blame the weed. She’d only had a little. 

Maybe she just wanted to exchange one worry for another. One she could manage. 

Obviously smoking the weed hadn’t worked and she’d ended up eating so much. Cookies, chips, two whole chocolate muffins. Her mom was so mad when she found the empty packets in the bin and Chrissy never did fit into the dress. The seriously fucked up thing? She checked the label of the new dress afterwards and her mom had deliberately purchased one a size too small. 

Eddie took a long drag and sat back again. 

“Fuck sake. Seriously. They say that rock music and weed and fucking Dungeons and Dragons are responsible for creating little demon children, but that magazine you’re holding? That’s the true filth. None of the people in that magazine are real or healthy. They’re like zombies. And the stuff they advertise? Pure crap you don’t really need. Kids can go crazy trying to be like that. It’s all such bullshit. Capitalist bullshit.”

Maybe he too was exchanging one emotion for another. 

Eddie didn’t sound embarrassed anymore. He sounded really annoyed. 

Chrissy didn’t really know about what capitalism was or why Eddie felt it was so bad. She’d read about it in one of her classes (she couldn’t recall which one) and thought it was to do with the Russians maybe. Didn’t they hate capitalism and America out there? Chrissy didn’t mind asking questions in class where the teachers all liked her and she could do no wrong but Eddie seemed so certain of his views that she didn’t want to sound stupid in front of him again. Not that he’d ever say that or use that term, but he’d probably roll his eyes when he thought she couldn’t see. Though Chrissy’s average was B+ she suspected Eddie (and most people actually) presumed she was some dumb cheerleader. It came with the territory. 

And the models? Yes, she knew the models on the magazine cover were not like him or her or people she would spot on the sidewalk. She knew they probably starved themselves all the time to look like that. God, like she did really. 

But Eddie didn’t know that. How could he? 

“That crap’s bad for you, Cunningham, it’ll make you crazy trying to look that way. Only sad moronic sheep think that any of that stuff matters.”

Yeah, he wasn’t wrong. Hurt though. 

“I know it’s not real. I…” She trailed off. She didn’t know what to say. 

He seemed to. “It’s all bullshit. You…You don’t need that crap. I mean…Christ. You’re Chrissy Cunningham.” 

She flicked at the magazine weakly. “I just wanted something to read for the nightshift, Eddie.”

She could hear the gentle windchime behind her. Her hand trembled. 

Was it just her or was his tone more gentle now? Had she managed to pull him out from his anger about magazines, capitalism, and who knows what else? 

 “Don’t you read books? You know, other than for class. I’m sure Nancy or Robin have some you can borrow. Rick might have some. Dustin’s brought some fantasy stuff along too. Kid’s read The Hobbit more times than I have.”

No. That sounded like sympathy. Her dad always said that was akin to pity. 

Chrissy passed back the joint and didn’t speak for a moment. 

Instead she lifted her head to peer up at the night sky above them. The moon was so bright and the stars were shining magnificently. That’s a word they used in storybooks, right? It was hard to really appreciate their beauty where she lived in town…but out here? With no traffic or buildings or street lights? 

They God-damned twinkled at her. 

She tried to collect her thoughts. She’d come out here to share his joint, yes, but she’d also come out here to try and speak to Eddie and maybe find out why there was this…distance...between them. He’d purposefully built a wall up between them for some reason (in the woods there’d been no such wall. That had been easy. Simple. Nice). Her joining him out here on this dark patch of grass was the same as her tapping against that wall looking for weak points. If he only opened up a little and talked to her properly, she could pull out a fucking sledgehammer and break it down. She couldn’t lift it alone though. She needed his help.

(Were good girls allowed to use sledgehammers?)

“You use my full name a lot, you know? I know you do it sometimes with Dustin, though with him it’s like a joke because you like him.”

He wasn’t expecting her to say that. She could tell because he was now leaning forwards towards her. 

She went on. “You’ve even dropped Wheeler and Buckley. But with Steve you haven’t. Same as me. It’s always Cunningham or Chrissy Cunningham. You say it like…like it’s a title. A thing.”

“You are Chrissy Cunnginham,” he said. Like that’s all he needed to say. 

“So?”

“Seriously? You’re really asking me this? Look, I know it’s your name and it doesn’t matter to you in your sparkly pink bubble or whatever, but to everyone else at our damn school that name means something. It’s got weight. To those kids who get picked on, bullied, slammed against lockers. Kids like Dustin and Nancy’s brother Mike? They got it real bad last year. Real bad. You know what you mean to people like them? You’re fucking untouchable. You should have seen Dustin’s face when you patted his shoulder earlier - it was like fucking Christmas to the kid.”

She felt her heartbeat quicken. “I didn’t know about Dustin or Mike. If I’d known…”

“What? You’d help them? You’re surrounded by people who give us freaks shit every single day. Your asshole boyfriend Carver? The guy who laughed and threw you in the lake? Did you hear what he did to that kid two weeks ago? Their parents had to pick them up.”

She didn’t know. He could see she didn’t. 

“Honestly, Cunningham, I’m not trying to be a dick or attack you or anything, because you just don’t God-damn know. That’s the whole problem. You’re just this perfect pretty Barbie cheerleader who just oozes sugar and sparkles and rainbows, you know? That’s what you are. You know how many kids look after you when you walk down a hall? How many teachers fall like putty in your hands? You’ve never experienced anything like what us freaks have. It was the exact same with Harrington before he graduated though I think you’ve got him beat.” 

Chrissy felt tears come to her eyes though she tried her hardest to blink them back. He was right, she didn’t know about this. Was that an excuse though? Was not bothering to look beyond her safe bubble just as bad as those bullies?

“Steve’s a good guy…You’ve seen how he feels about the kids. About Dustin.”

“He’s alright…He’s not what I thought he’d be like.”

“You mean like mean and scary?” she quoted quietly. “You know what I think, Eddie Munson? I don’t think you have a clue.”

She’d kept her voice quiet throughout this whole conversation, never once raising it or showing any of the frustration or anxieties she was feeling deep down. How fucking scared she was. Quiet and soft. It’s how she always spoke. She was good at controlling it. 

Now though, she let a slither of that frustration shine through. It was only a tiny tiny fraction but it was there and she could tell he noticed because he dragged the joint on the grass to extinguish it and crammed it into one of the used bottles. 

“I might be some Barbie doll. I might be popular, and a cheerleader, and all those things that repulse you. I might hang around with people who are mean and nasty but now I know that I’ll change things. I might hang out with people you don’t like and act a certain way, but you know what? You’re the same as Jason. The same as those shitty bullies. You might not punch down, but you’re still punching and right now it seems like I’m your target. You hate being called a freak? You hate being put in a box just because of the things you like doing. What did you call me? A sad, moronic sheep. I’ll have you know I like being a cheerleader!” 

She’d gotten to her feet at some point and she pulled the blanket around her tighter. Eddie stood too and looked like he wanted to interrupt, but she didn’t let him. She kept talking. Soft. Measured. But there was weight to it now. 

“I’m proud of being a cheerleader and it helped us earlier when I climbed through that window.”

“Nearly risking your neck!”

“I like being in a team. I like being part of something. Just like you do with your D&D. And you know what? Screw you, I love to read books though you’ve made the assumption I don’t because I read magazines and I get grades just handed to me. My dad has an entire wall of bookcases in his office full of books on geography and art and languages. Subjects I happen to love. I’ve read them all. I’ve got my own bookcase in my bedroom where I keep my favourites. You know what my favourite book is? No. You’ve never asked. You just assume…”

“Cunningham, wait…I mean, Chrissy…”

“It’s Little Women, Eddie. My grandmother gave it to me.”

Eddie was holding out his hands like she might be calmed by it. Like she was a wild animal or a child. 

“I don’t know why I’m even justifying my life to you, but here I am because you don’t ask. You know when I started freshman year I was a member of four different clubs? Yearbook, chem club, drama, photography? I loved photography. You won’t believe how much I loved it but I had to give them up for cheerleading after I made one wrong step in a cheer routine. One mistake, but it nearly injured someone.”

“Chrissy, please.”

“I think you sound jealous, Eddie Munson.”

That made him look at her. Really look at her. He’d moved closer to her (when did that happen?) and she could feel his eyes on her shaking balled up hands, the blanket she had wrapped around her like armour, her pale pale face. 

“Jealous of Steve. Jealous of me. But you know what else? You’re a hypocrite. Because you know Steve is a good person, but you’re still treating me like an enemy.” 

“I know.”

God, his acknowledgement of the way he was acting was like a breath of fresh air. She took a deep breath of it. 

“I’m so tired, Eddie. I can’t…”

What was she even doing? What did any of this matter right now when they had demons and wizards chasing them? Why did she care that Eddie didn’t look her in the eye? What was he to her? 

She felt a wave of exhaustion drape over her like a cloak then, wrapping around her limbs like it wanted to pull her down to the floor like a dead weight. She was so tired of being scared and worried and upset. She was tired of feeling hungry all the time and smiling when she wanted to yell and shout. She was tired of being sad. She’d been sad for so long now that it was a surprise Vecna had waited this long before targeting her. She wasn’t shouting now though she had every reason to. 

She felt a yawn shudder through her body like a tidal wave. She thought (or maybe she was hallucinating again) that Eddie’s arms might have twitched just a little bit then like he wanted to…Who knew. Push her away? Hug her?

She should just leave and go back to bed. Maybe she would be able to sleep now instead of staring up at the ceiling and picturing her own death over and over. Wake up tomorrow and apologise to Eddie and blame her quiet outburst on the weed. But she didn’t. She made it worse. 

Her voice cracked. 

“I’m sorry I ran. I’m so sorry I ran away, Eddie.”

Did she imagine it or did he flinch back like she’d physically wounded him? 

Memories of Eddie shouting her name suddenly flooded her senses. His terrified voice yelling her name. Yelling Chrissy. Just Chrissy. 

Chrissy, come back! Don’t just leave! 

And she’d been so full of terror, the taste of smoke and ash still clawing at her throat. Her feet pounding on the ground. The leaves and mud on the ground when she finally fell sobbing to her knees. 

“I shouldn’t have done that. I know you were scared after what happened and I should have stayed to help you. Talked to you. Been there with you when Max and the others got there. It wasn’t fair to leave you alone to explain. You never asked for any of this and I feel so awful that I’ve dragged you into it. But please…please…don’t blame me for it now. Please don’t shut me out. I’m so sorry, Eddie.”

She didn't know what she expected from Eddie. She hadn’t planned on saying any of this to him like this. 

Help me break down the wall, Eddie, she thought. We can swing the sledgehammer down together. Talk to me. Shout at me even.  

But Eddie didn’t want to tear down the wall. Not now. He didn’t want to look her in the eyes or confide in her. And her saying sorry would not change any of that. 

Eddie let out a noise that sounded like a wounded animal and he beat his fists together. She saw in the moonlight that he was crying. He actually used one of those trembling fists to punch the wall by the back door although it must have hurt. 

He was breathing very deeply. Suddenly the peace and quiet around this little patch of grass seemed to come crashing down and she could hear it roaring in her ears. 

“I can't do this, Chrissy. I can’t. I’m holding on by a fucking thread, okay? And if you see me shake or slip up then it’ll all come tumbling down, I swear to God. You… saying sorry and how you wanted to be there for me? I know what you want from me, Chrissy, I do, I can see it written on your face in blood, but I can’t do it. I’m a coward. I’m no hero. You’re going to bring me to my fucking knees and I won’t be able to…get back up. I’m not strong enough.”

She knew she was crying too. 

“Eddie…”

“...and you’ve given yourself a fucking manicure,” he continued with a laugh that sounded so empty and dead. He turned his back to her and she could see the tightness of his shoulders, his back, his arms (she’d never noticed Eddie’s strength before but she could see it now in his bare forearms as he clenched his fists). “You shouldn’t have come out here. Go back inside and I’ll finish the watch. Take my bed. You need to get some rest.” 

She was being dismissed. Chrissy slowly walked back to the door. She glanced back but didn’t know what to say to make everything better. She’d said enough. 

“Go to sleep, Chrissy.”

She went to Steve’s room just like he told her and lay down on Eddie’s side of the bed. The sheets were cold now. 

She’d never had a panic attack before but she had one now. She smothered it into the blanket, her wrists trembling and her chest racing. 

Tick tick tick. 

----

A/N: Poor Eddie and Chrissy. They're really struggling to connect and communicate. The next chapter will be the aftermath with a surprising turn of events.

Was the end super melodramatic? Hell yes. Give me that sweet sweet angst.

I see Chrissy's loves all the girls in Little Woman. She doesn't have a favourite.

[urfriendlylocalidiot]

Last one for a while, fantasy based - was actual my final project for my creative writing class back in the day.

🛑⚠️TRIGGER WARNINGS🛑⚠️: Character Death, I think that’s it?

(To be perfectly honest, I haven’t read any of these since I wrote them)

Stargazers

School is finally out and summer has begun. Casper and Michael are both excited for a summer full of vacations, parties, and road trips. It’s their senior year after all, but unbeknownst to them, they would not survive it.

My name is Casper, named after Casper the Friendly Ghost. The sound of an ice cream truck woke me up, unlike the normal ringing of my alarm clock during the school year. Thank god school is out I thought to myself. I went to the bathroom and brushed my pearly white teeth, brushed my blonde hair back, and finally put contacts on my blue eyes. Then I threw on some swim trunks and an old t-shirt and ate some avocado toast. Then, I headed out to my car to pick up my girlfriend, Mercy Evans, to go to the lake house. It’s our senior year and we’re both committed to UCLA. I pulled up to her house and we loaded her stuff into my car, as mine was already at the lake house from spring break. After which we made the long 3-hour drive to the lake house. My parents owned it, but they were in Europe celebrating their anniversary.

But, as I pulled into the driveway, I saw a beat-up blue Ford truck.

“Why’s Michael here?” Mercy asked me.

“ I don’t know, you stay here while I go sort it out.” I got out of the car and walked up the steps and into the house. I didn’t see him immediately so I yelled.

“MICHAEL, WHAT THE HECK ARE YOU DOING IN MY PARENTS LAKEHOUSE!”

Then this man had the audacity to come down the stairs and say,“Dude, calm down. Your parents said I could stay here over the summer since my apartment got a new landlord. I thought your parents sent you a text about it?”

I have never wanted to punch his green eyed, brown haired self more than in that moment. You see Michael and I have quite the history. Michael was my BEST friend when I was younger, it was probably because we balanced each other. I had a power for fire and he had a power for water. When I was younger, I loved watching the stars with my best friend, Michael. We used to be best friends. Used to; past tense. Michael’s full name is Michael Anthony Renee Campbell so he goes by M.A.R.C. sometimes. We spent every summer together at my family’s lake house. The ironic part about the lake house is I can’t swim. Every summer I would try to learn, but I could never really get the hang of it. His parents were dead, so my parents took him in. Every night during those summers we would go to our special spot in the woods to look at stars. But eventually, we grew up. Middle school came and I wanted to be more popular. I threw a 4th of July party at the special spot. People set off fireworks without me knowing and some of the trees ended up catching on fire, falling. I looked down at the scars on my body as I remember it like yesterday. MARC then called the fire department and an ambulance, but our friendship was never the same again. My parents bought him his own apartment and helped him set up a bank account as well as all the legal things. But hey, people change, the friendship was bound to end sooner or later. Also, it’s time we get back to the present day. It’s summer again.

I checked my phone and saw a text from my mom, “MARC will be at the lake house because his rent was getting too expensive. Try not to burn the place down.” Well looks like there’s no getting out of this arrangement. It can’t be that bad, at the very least this lake house has to be big enough for the both of us, I thought to myself.

We spent 3 weeks living together peacefully. Then, inevitably, a fight broke out when he found out I was throwing a party.

“Don’t you remember what happened at the last one? I mean, just look at your scars,” Michael says.

“It’ll be safer this time, everyone’s more mature.”

“How do you actually know that? Connor said he was mature, and ate a slug on the last day of school for a dare!”

“That’s why he’s uninvited.”

“There’s also a cliff now, what if someone gets injured?”

“The water is deep enough and everyone knows how to swim.”

“You don’t!”

“That’s why I won’t be going near the cliff. Listen, my parents own this house and they signed off on this party in April.”

“Fine, but don’t expect me to help you decorate or anything,” MARC says as he storms off into the woods, presumably to the special place.

Later that night after Mercy helped me decorate the house with a lot of red, white, and blue. The party was in full swing and everyone was having a great time. But of course, something just had to go wrong. I had been decently monitoring who got near the cliff, most of them were strong swimmers. But, the moment I turned around, Connor dove over the edge of the cliff. I don’t even know how he got in because I made sure to uninvite him by telling him it was moved to next week. I guess his friends must’ve told him. Connor couldn’t swim and no one was close enough to save him. He hit the water face first as well, pretty much instantly knocking himself out. By the time he was dragged out, he wasn’t breathing and his pulse was gone. Some of the nursing students tried CPR on him, but to no avail. Authorities were called and let’s just say he went home in a body bag.

It was in the newspaper the next day, “High school graduate dies after falling off cliff.” As for me, I was an adult and was facing a reckless endangerment charge, however, they found an insane amount of alcohol and drugs in his system that I had no idea of. I also had an excellent lawyer. My parents had made sure to find the best to cover up my secret powers as a child. Thankfully, the jury ended up blaming Connor for his own death, saying “it was practically a suicide.” My parents were obviously furious, but at least it wasn’t the forest catching on fire. They said that they didn’t want any more trouble out of me for the rest of my life. I did feel really bad about Connor; I had known him since kindergarten. I cried for like a week straight and even burned my pillow. It was my fault in a lot of ways that Connor would never be able to go to college. I don’t even know how he got his hands on hard drugs. On the fifth night, I thought about getting my first pet goldfish, Goldie. I think about that a lot when I experience something that makes me feel an emotion strongly.

I got Goldie when I was around 3 years old, it was a pretty normal experience. My parents just bought him from Pet Smart and brought him home. However, the part that I remember the most is when I first saw him. I was so excited that I ended up burning him alive, I cried when that happened as well. It was the first time I had ever witnessed my own fire. I didn’t even know what I had done until my parents sat me down and told me that I had fire powers . They said these magic powers were blessings only given to a few every year. I was confused obviously, but they said not to worry about it and I would see special doctors about them soon. When I went to the doctors, they told me that my “ gift” was tied to my emotions. Whenever I felt something strongly, there was a good chance I would burn something but they would teach me how to control it. Every Saturday I would go to those doctors and they would help me control my emotions. That's how I met MARC. Apparently, after one of the meetings he drowned his parents in their car after a very heartbreaking video he was forced to watch. My parents heard about it, and that’s how he became my brother. When high school came around, I was no longer required to go to the doctors. I was told I had enough control now.

After Connor died, tensions were as high as ever at the lake house. MARC never spoke to me when he was there. He was leaving a lot, to where I have no clue. I was worried about him. He was right to be mad at me though. When I woke up one night and wanted to go stargazing, I went to our spot. I saw Michael there and started apologizing.

“Hey man, I know you’re mad at me but I just want to say that I’m sorry for not listening to you about the party.”

“It’s whatever man, what’s done is done.”

“Really? You’re not mad?”

“Oh, I’m still furious at you, don't get me wrong.”

“Is there anything I can do to make this right?”

“No.”

“Oh,” I said as I headed back.

“Where are you going? Didn’t you want to see the stars?” MARC said eerily. All of a sudden I felt a rough splash of water on my head.

“Dude, what! I thought you weren’t mad at me anymore!” I felt my anger boil inside of me. I tried to keep it down, using the breathing technique the doctors taught me. But I just couldn’t, I launched a fireball at Michael that he easily extinguished.

“As if I could ever forgive you lying scum. You showed everyone this spot and for what FAME?!? MIDDLE SCHOOL POPULARITY?!?!? Because of you, this place is charred and burned. This was our place man, I thought we were brothers.”

“You could never be my brother, you killed your own parents! What, are you mad about Connor because now you lost someone else to water?” Ok, maybe that hit a little close to home, but I was mad and wasn’t thinking right. Michael launched a wall of water at me, forcing me to retreat to the lake, which would be his advantage.

“Dude you don’t have to do this,” I begged him.

“You’re only saying that because you don’t want me to kill you,” MARC said as he walked on the water while simultaneously holding a column of it in the air.

He throws it on me, I dry myself off with fire and light a tree on fire to fall right on him. He dodges easily. I don’t know any good fire attacks since I’ve spent my entire life trying to hide them. But I think back to Goldie and remember that I also evaporated his fishbowl with excitement. So desperately I plunge my hands into the large, round lake and put as much fire as I can through my hands. And I guess some of it must have worked because all of sudden I hear. “AH, THAT BURNS! '' from Michael. Then as he sees my point of contact with the water, he gets the water to pull me in somehow, knowing that I can’t swim. The starless night, the vast green trees, it all felt so distant. He knew my weakness, but I knew his: he hated sad things. So, as long as I could get my head over water, I could get him down. But no matter how hard I tried, my vision started to blur and then it dawned on me, maybe the sadness from killing me will end him.

Up above water Michael yells, “Where are you, Casper! This isn’t over yet! The world needs to know M.A.R.C took down the magnificent Casper Campbell!” Casper didn’t surface.

Then Michael felt a sharp pain in his chest, sadness. He had just killed the last member of his family that loved him. There was no way Casper’s parents would take him in now. He collapsed in tears into the water. Then a flame shot out from underneath burning him instantly to death. Casper had held his breath;however, he still couldn’t swim so he died as well. They were together, among the stars they had spent their childhood looking at.

The next morning Mercy found the bodies of both Casper and Michael Campbell on the shore of the lake. Panicking, she called Casper’s parents who flew back from England to sort out the legal chaos. The official causes of death were immolation and drowning. Both supposedly suicides. Mercy was too late, yet again the world was unfair and a child must be brought without a father’s presence.

That’ll be it for me… for now 😛😛

[amb00bs]

Aaahh, I'm loving the pics from the springs! It looks so beautiful, and the water is so crystal clear. 😍😍 I love being outside, and I'm so jealous. We have rivers, lakes, and mountains where I live, but the rivers and lakes are never THAT blue and THAT clear.

I love to hike, kayak, fish, etc. Get my ass outdoors, and I'm in heaven. It's how I reset.

I've dated a couple of witches, and the witchy things intrigue me. However, I'm more into druidry. 🤗

Thrift store, antique stores, flea markets..... are all places I wouldn't mind spending my weekends. 😂 I use Facebook marketplace (modern yardsaling) entirely too much.

I am an introvert to my very core. Unless it's a concert/music festival, I don't want to be in a large ass crowd. Also, I went through a rough time, and the workers at the only gay club in town know me too well at this point. So, I prefer hanging out with friends around a fire. 🤣😂 I also enjoy disappearing for days at a time (my best friend calls it hobbit holing), and I only talk to my essential people to tell them essential things, like, I'm alive. 😂😂

The camping part of a music festival is ROUGH, and I fucking love camping. I always had our Bonnaroo site set up with a private shower, all the good camping stoves for meals, and a big ass fan. Yet, it still was absolutely miserable. My friends and I talked about doing a final hoorah and renting an RV for it.

I'm always down for music recs, and I do trust your taste now. So, sure!! I'm down. 😁

Thank you!!! I've been feeling so drawn to water lately, so any chance I can, I'm going to a spring. I wanna check out one's I've never been to, as a kid, my mom only took me to a select number of them, but florida has HUNDREDS of springs! I need to see them all!!! Lmao. But where are you from??? You said mountains, and I perked up, we don't got those here in flat ass florida 👀 and I haven't gone kayaking since high school, and that was the first time I've gone lolllll so I really wanna try that. Or paddleboarding. It sounds so fun!

And ooooo what is druiddry??? I don't think I've heard of that?? Im still a newbie with the witchcraft thing, so I don't practice often. But I just love the things I've learned so far. It's so freaking cool and fun hahah

I also use market place often, but my algorithm is messed up and I don't see anything cool other than rvs and places for rent 🥲 I need to fix it to see what cool shit is around. But yesssss my mom always took me thrifting and to yard sales/flea markets as a kid. I grew to love that shit myself lol!

And dudeeeeeee, I camped at Electric Forest and Imagine (with a big group) and I still couldn't enjoy it. I was miserable. I love the aspect of meeting neighbors and hearing all the wooktivities, and going to afters. But I need a proper bed and shower. An rv honestly sounds like a great solution!! But I know renting them isn't cheap, and getting an rv pass can be difficult since tickets for them are limited! But I hope you are able to do that! That sounds like a blast!

And yeah, lately I've been seeing my friends every weekend, but during the week, I'm to myself and take a business day or two to text back. So I get it 😂 and okay!!!! I send send you some mixes. That will probably be easier than sending a whole set of songs. Do you use soundcloud? Here's a Svdden Death mix back from 2020 when we only had digital raves online lmao: https://on.soundcloud.com/zA3dD

And a heavy mix from mvc 10:

https://on.soundcloud.com/vcXNq

They are long, so take your time listening. Maybe on a work commute or while cleaning lol. And if you don't like it, be honest! I can help you find other stuff you might like instead.

[throatcoat]

//chapter five// //just close your eyes//

i stood at the opened window chain smoking cigarettes. The stars in the midnight sky looked the same as it did the first night that everything fell apart 7 years prior. now, i am 20 years old but my heart still feels 15. my body stands beside me. the walls began to close in, and i slid down the rough wooden wall of a house that felt like every house i had died in prior. my mouth dried and tasted of vomit and sucking on pennies. everything began to spin and i wonder how i even got here in the first place.

when all you really know is how to be used up, it is easy to lend the space out to rent. when the rent is due, no money sent, the eviction notice ends up turning into a legal dispute and it was only then that you see the destruction to the property, the way the tenant did not care about the cigarette burns and piss stains in the carpet and the new holes in the wall. you are left with nothing, not a home, not a cent, just the damage you can never undo. yet you never learn, you clean up what you can and you give one more room to the next one. cycles are so easy to fall into, to repeat. it feels comforting, sleeping in a minefield when you have never laid in a patch of buttercups and clover.

shakily, i stood up, slowly slinking out the front door into the cold autumn air. across the street, i watch a couple holding each other up as they nod out. somewhere inside, i wonder if that black tar numbness feels more like warmth, like love never otherwise felt and that is why they never want to fall over. i light another cigarette. sweat dried in my hair, leaving it matted up. i shiver from the menthol tingling my lips. and i wonder, how did i get here?

my mom had a tradition, the last time we celebrated at all, i was going into my sophomore year. every open house, and every last day of school, she would take us to Shannon's for iced tea, brownie sundaes, and sandwiches. we sat at the same table, in the very back corner, the same one my mom sat at, after work, as a teenager with her friends asking questions to a ouija board, wanting the ghosts to say something, anything. we always ordered the same thing, every time. mint chip, waffle cone. it always felt like excitement, this tradition, always a gentle start to a new adventure, a new school year, or a summer spent sleeping on the trampoline, renting movies, and skipping pebbles across the lake into canada.

if i close my eyes and think hard enough, i can still taste the melted ice cream on my lips, i can still feel the breeze and the thick fire smoke and mosquitos that lived in the creek bed. it is a brief moment of nostalgic relief, this place i sometimes escape to. often, there is nothing more than i want other than to go right back there, to that broken wooden chair with the smell of smoked meat and tobacco in the air. it felt safe. august and junes, how i miss it so.

i laid down in his driveway, next to his truck. maybe if i closed my eyes and wished hard enough on the falling satellites i could go back. the door opened and he asked me what i was doing. my eyes stayed closed and i did not say a word. a sigh escaped my lungs, and i began to laugh at the absurdity. i opened my eyes and look up at him and he looked like every other ghost sleeping in my attic. i am not looking at him, but through him. they always look the same, unwashed hair and shark eyes. he stepped over me and slammed the front door shut. i closed my eyes and the floating began again.

when i woke up, i was drooling on filthy carpet. there is a puddle of vomit beside me. i am naked. my head was pounding. my mouth still dry, blood on the corner of my lip. i do not know where i am, the last place i can recall is the blue kitchen and being 13. i dreamt of jeremy, he only visits my dreams when i have done something real stupid. he did not say a word, just stared through me, too, and as he opened his mouth the sun shining through curtain-less windows rudely woke me. everything hurt. he is looking at me, sitting on a mattress in the corner of the room. my fingers clawed for something, anything, to cover my exposed skin. i do not ask what happened. i just ask him to take me home.

the drive back is silent. the air between us is filled with the malboro red smoke steaming from his throat. he stopped a block from my parents house and i got out without a word. it is only when i hit the ground that i noticed the bruises on my body, the way my knees hurt at the impact. it is one day into being twenty years old and for the first time, i thought about how something always happens on my birthday and it is never ever anything good. i still do not ask. the shirt i had on is some other girls. i sneaked in through my window, not wanting to explain something i had no recollection of. my parents had expected me to be at a party that night, they probably did not even know i was home.

i filled up my bathtub, the water as hot as possible. i take off the dirty shirt, and i realized my panties were not nestled tightly on my hips like they usually would be. i did not question it. i slid in, my skin screamed at me to jump out. the burning felt better than the cold numbness that otherwise filled me. i closed my eyes and dunk my face under. i have floated above myself. i have floated right past the ceiling into the rainy october sky.

and it is my fault.

it is always my fault.

somewhere under the water, i am fifteen again. something had been stolen, but i doubted it had anymore value being already so used up.

[anxiousunicorn1124]

So here's what you missed...

Ok, I've been rewatching Glee and every episode they start with " here's what you missed" so this was the first thought to pop in my head as soon as I was getting ready to write this blog entry..

anywhooooo..

my last entry was really heartbreaking and sad. im hoping this will be a little less depressy and a little more happy.

this summer so far, my boyfriend and I got invited by his friend and his wife to go to their family lakehouse for a weekend and man it was awesome! I really enjoyed it. If I had the money , I would totally rent a place out there. makes me sad how much I miss it . It was so peaceful, relaxing.. everyone was friendly, fun and welcoming.

I don't remember the last time I felt so relaxed. I was so worried about my anxiety, and I didn't have to be. I think I had anxiety like once or twice towards the end. The views were amazing, the food was amazing, the boat , the lake, everything was amazing. I could go on and on about how AMAZING it was lol. One day I hope to go back again.

What else have I been up tooo... I've been with my mom and grandma a lot. Got to take her to our local amusement park Seabreeze. My grandmother hasn't been there in decades. She had a great time! im honored to take care of her and spend so much time with her. Life is too short that's for sure.

Other than that, I've mostly spent my time between home or my moms house lol She has the pool and my hammock.. pretty much a better backyard than mine. I guess you could say my summer has been good to me so far ( except for annoying ass asthma flare ups ) and I hope the rest of the summer is just as good or better :D

I think Im going to end it here for now.. im hungry, got the munchies. maybe next time imma write a short story. I kinda want to try and see if id be any good at writing. wish me luck haha

Byeeee