#my mom used to work for him before he became president

[courtana]

Today is the anniversary of the U.S.'s military invasion of Panamá, which occurred on December 20, 1989.

Julio Yao writes in the article "Legacies of the U.S. Invasion of Panama":

On December 20, 1989, former president George H.W. Bush ordered the invasion of Panama. The U.S. 82nd Airborne division pummeled Panama City from the air, as U.S. soldiers from the 193rd Brigade clashed in the streets with troops from the Panamanian Defense Forces (PDF) and the Dignity Battalions, a militia of workers and campesinos. Thousands of civilians were caught in the crossfire as the heavily populated El Chorrillo neighborhood was set ablaze. By the time General Manuel Noriega surrendered on January 3, 1990, 23 U.S. soldiers and 314 PDF troops had been officially killed in the fighting. Civilian casualties were estimated in the thousands. According to an independent investigation by former U.S. attorney general Ramsey Clark, as many as 7,000 people may have been killed. Mass graves were uncovered after U.S. troops had withdrawn, and over 15,000 civilians were displaced.

Despite the civilian body count, no Panamanian government since has authorized a commission to investigate the killings that took place during the foreign military aggression. No administration has attempted to demand reparations from the United States, nor filed a lawsuit against the United States before the International Court of Justice at the Hague.

Over twenty two years later, the U.S. “Christmas invasion” of Panama is being lost to memory, yet its legacy lives on in profound ways that continue to shape both domestic and foreign policy in Panama.

[...]

Panama’s tendency to submit to U.S. policy has resulted in a foreign policy devoid of independence. For example, Panama is one of the few countries in the world that has not established diplomatic relations with the People’s Republic of China, though it maintains relations with Taiwan in accordance with “checkbook diplomacy.” The U.S. government has prohibited Panama’s gestures toward diplomatic relations with Beijing.

Guided by this protectorate concept and right-wing policy, Martinelli’s administration [(2009-2014) had] offered its unconditional support to Israel and withdrawn all backing for Palestine. It [had] distanced Panama from the Central American process of regional integration, withdrawn from the Central American Parliament (PARLACEN), and increased ties with France and Italy’s conservative former prime minister Silvio Berlusconi, who was blackmailed by Italian arms company Finmeccanica into brokering a corrupt bilateral security agreement with Panama in which Panama was overcharged for military hardware, including helicopters, radar, and mapping systems. It signed a free trade agreement with the United States and Canada, and [had] given natural resources to foreign corporations, especially mining companies, including Vancouver-based Bellhaven Copper and Gold, Ontario’s Aur Resources, Toronto’s Inmet Mining, and New York’s Dominium Minerals Corporation. All of these actions [were] fully aligned with the foreign policy and national security interests of the United States.

This was, after all, the ultimate goal of the 1989 U.S. invasion. At a meeting on December 10, 1985, four years before Bush ordered Operation Just Cause, then U.S. national security adviser John Poindexter met with Noriega with several U.S. demands: (1) Panama should allow the training of Nicaraguan Contras in the Canal Zone; (2) PDF troops should invade Nicaragua to justify U.S. aggression toward Nicaragua’s Sandinista government; (3) Panama should help dismantle the Contadora Group, a regional initiative to resolve the military conflicts that were destabilizing Central America; and (4) Panama should consent to continued U.S. military presence in Panama.

[...]

The move [of the invasion] destroyed Panamanian sovereignty and the PDF, dismantled security structures, reformed the political system, and returned power to the old oligarchy. This paved the way for new forms of foreign domination, and the Panamanian people continue to suffer its legacy.

More Resources to learn about Panamá's Invasion:

Julio Yao's "Legacies of the U.S. Invasion of Panama," NACLA (March 22, 2012).

John Lindsay-Poland, Emperors in the Jungle (Duke University Press, 2003).

The documentary The Panama Deception (2002) on YouTube

The documentary INVASIÓN (2014)

Stephen Kinzer's chapter "You're No Good," in his book Overthrow: America's Century of Regime Change from Hawaii to Iraq (Times Books, 2007)

___

Photo Credits & Description: Images taken on the morning of December 20, 1989, when various parts of the capital city were under US military control | Images from Panamá Vieja Escuela or (@PaViejaEscuela on Twitter).

[irrolyphant]

Timothy Olyphant, 55, is an actor who starred in Deadwood, Live Free or Die Hard, and Justified. He will star in the FX miniseries Justified: City Primeval this fall and currently co-stars in the Max miniseries Full Circle. He spoke with Marc Myers before the actors strike.

TIMOTHY:

You couldn’t get me out of the pool when I was a kid. We lived next door to a swim and racket club in Modesto, Calif.

I began regular swim practice at age 6. My older brother, Andy, took to tennis, which probably helped us get along. We were competitive. Our younger brother, Matt, did a little bit of everything and eventually became a water-polo player.

I was born in Hawaii, but we moved to Modesto when I was 3. My dad, Bevan, worked for Del Monte and left to work at E&J Gallo Winery soon after we relocated to California. He started in bottling and worked his way up to vice president of production.

My mom, Katherine, was a full-time mom. She was the nurturing type. Whether I won or lost, she’d always talk about how well I competed or how beautiful a swimmer I was, never about whether I won or not. She’s very sweet and encouraging.

Just as I was starting high school, my parents divorced. After they split up, we quickly figured out who was responsible for what. For example, our dad didn’t really know how to do laundry or cook. If we were going over to his place, we’d probably be eating out.

When you’re young, any time your foundation gets rocked, it sets you back a bit. I’d been a good student when my parents were together, but there definitely was a dip after the divorce. I kind of saw what I could get away with and wound up just an okay student.

I wasn’t in school plays. I’m not sure I saw that side of me yet. Instead, I was at swim practice and hanging with my buddies. I also liked to draw a lot, which I suppose is how I expressed myself.

I was a solid swimmer in the Central Valley. I set a CIF SAC-Joaquin Section Record and wound up with an All America Swimming Certificate. By my senior year, I realized swimming was my ticket out of town and certainly the only way I’d get into a great university.

I worked hard. After USC saw the times I was posting, they called to recruit me for the team. When I flew out to USC on my recruit trip, I met with the dean of the architecture school. He said there was no way I could manage both the swim team’s practice schedule and the rigors of the architectural program.

I asked him about the art gallery downstairs. He said it was part of the fine-arts department. I didn’t even know you could get a degree in that. I met with the fine-arts dean and asked if I could be on the swim team. He said we’d work it out.

Majoring in fine arts for me was like winning the lottery. In high school, I’d get in trouble for drawing when I was supposed to be doing schoolwork. Now, in college, drawing was my schoolwork.

After my senior year, I left USC several electives shy of a degree and didn’t finish until the pandemic. But before I left, I met some drama majors who got me thinking about acting.

By then, my college girlfriend, Alexis, and I had married. We moved to Seal Beach, south of Los Angeles, where I coached swimming. To fulfill some of my electives I took an acting 101 class at UC Irvine. I had a ball. It was a language I understood immediately.

I read Stanislavsky’s and Sandy Meisner’s books on acting. I realized that it wasn’t a frivolous pursuit but a craft on par with how artists I admired approached painting and sculpture. I told Alexis I was thinking about pursuing acting rather than a master’s in fine art. She said, “Tim, just do something. Just pick one thing and do that.”

The guy who taught the intro class was a graduate student who recommended I study with Bill Esper at the Esper Studio in New York. Fortunately, Alexis’s dad lived there and let us move into his place.

My career has been many little steps—a lot of one step forward, two steps back. I’m not sure if there was any one role that really changed things, but landing the lead in “Justified,” in 2010, certainly helped things along.

Today, Alexis and I live in Los Angeles and have three grown kids. We moved in 15 years ago and love the house and neighborhood. I still draw and swim.

Breakfast is my favorite meal. I make steel-cut oatmeal in my rice cooker, which has a porridge setting. When I come home from swimming and have my oatmeal, I feel like I’m 8 again. And you know what? That feels pretty good.

—————

Timothy’s Digs:

Full Circle? I play Derek in the miniseries about a kidnapping gone awry and the family secrets exposed.

Blissful space? Sitting in a blue chair in the kitchen having coffee with my wife.

Cool buy? A painting by an artist I’ve admired for at least a decade or so.

Tennis? I play with my brother and oldest daughter. The fact that they play with me means the world.

Youngest daughter? Vivian. She’s an actress in the coming season of Justified: City Primeval.

[coolcarsntrucksngunsnusa]

I know there's a lot of folks who truly are upset about seeing Trump heading back to the Oval Office. Maybe this will help a little bit in understanding both why someone might vote them in, but also that it'll be okay.

This story is from before when Trump was in office in 2016. It’s a poignant story from a Gold Star Mom, but it talks to why support of Trump isn’t as crazy as some might think.

With the vitriol in DC and the fainting couches being ordered by the folks on the left, we keep hearing questions about how we could possibly support someone who says such things as the next president.

I’d rather have someone say harsh things and do the right thing, than to say all the right things and do the wrong.

I’ll again quote a Gold Star Mom, because her words capture this sentiment better than any other I’ve ever come across.

First, for a quick intro:

Billy and Karen Vaughn are the parents of fallen Navy SEAL, Aaron Carson Vaughn (SEAL Team VI). On August 6, 2011 Aaron was killed in action in the Tangi River Valley of Afghanistan when a chopper (call sign Extortion 17) carrying thirty Americans was shot from the sky. Let me tell you, when a Gold Star Mom speaks, people listen. These moms have endured unimaginable loss and have earned the right to a bully pulpit. They are not some fawned over TV show host or starlet. GSMs are the stuff that made America truly great, raising kids who understand the meaning of “the last full measure of devotion.”

Here are her words:

Sometimes God uses the no-nonsense, salty sailor to get the job done. Appreciating what the man is doing doesn’t mean we worship the salty sailor or even desire to be like the salty sailor. It doesn’t even mean God admires the salty sailor. Maybe He just knows he’s necessary for such a time as this.

I believe with all my heart that God placed that salty sailor in the White House and gave this nation one more chance in November 2016. Trump is what he is. He is still the man he was before the election. And without guilt, I very much admire what that salty sailor is accomplishing.

He’s not like me. That’s okay with me. I don’t want to be like him. I will never behave like him. I know we’ve NEVER had a man like him lead our nation. It’s crazy and a little mind blowing at times. But I can’t help admire the ability he has to act with his heart rather than a calculated, PC, think tank-screened, carefully edited script. I still believe that is WHY he became our President and WHY he’s been able to handle a landslide of adversity and STILL pass unprecedented amounts of good legislation for our country AND do great works for MANY other nations, including Israel.

I’m THRILLED with what he’s doing for my nation, for the cause of Christ (whether intentional or unintentional, doesn’t matter to me), and for the concept of rebuilding America and putting her FIRST. I will not be ashamed of my position because others don’t see him through the same lens.

Should it matter to me if a fireman drops an f-bomb while he’s pulling me from a burning building? Would I really care about what came out of his mouth in those moments? Heck no! I’d CARE about what he was DOING. He wasn’t sent there to save my soul and I’m not looking to him for spiritual guidance. All I’m thinking in those moments is, “Thank you, Jesus, for sending the fireman.”

This man is crass. Okay. He’s not careful with what he says. Okay. You feel offended that he’s not a typical statesman. Okay. But he is rebuilding the nation my son died for…the nation I feared was on a fast track to becoming a hopeless cause. Forgive me if I’m smiling.

[theageofsims]

The Age of Sims 2.8- Part 11 - “See You Soon"

The words came through in a broken message thanks to the increasing interference of the airways from storms that were nearby -- storms he wished could have waited until she had arrived safely.

He hadn't lost his sanity no matter how much he wanted to have her close, reminding her in a broken message much like hers to head back home if her flight was delayed because there was just no sense in having her waste time sitting around in an airport.

He still couldn't believe it though... that she had agreed to do everything he asked her to. Of course it wasn't out of reason, except maybe telling her to get out of work -- work that he knew was as important to her as his own work had been once upon a time, but still... he hadn't expected it.

Now that she could hopefully be on her way, he could feel some of his tension lessen though he couldn't rid himself of it completely -- not with his older brother around...

--------

"Gloria's comin'." He muttered once his brother appeared in the kitchen, fully dressed and headed to the kitchen sink to rinse out his second cup of coffee. "There's soap--"

"A rinse is good."

"It's good when you're the only one that's going to use it. Use the soap."

"Always bitchin'…" He muttered before ignoring his younger brother's request, and set the mug inside the sink. "How's about I just leave the damn thing here instead?"

William watched as he walked away from the sink and took a seat on one of the island stools.

"Come. Sit. Let's have a good ol' talk -- man to man."

"David--"

"Ah -- come on, have a seat."

"I haven't got time for shit this morning."

"Shit? When have I ever given you shit?"

"My entire life." William reminded him then, "Since I was old enough to understand words, at least."

"Ah come on…" He laughed, "I was just manning you up is all -- every older brother wouldn't be doing his job if I hadn't."

"It wasn't your job to 'man me up'…" He stared at him, "You weren't my dad."

"Come on, Dad couldn't do it."

"Dad wouldn't do it." He reminded him for what seemed like the hundredth time over the years, as he remembered how fair and even their father tried to be.

"Sure he would -- if mom would let him. The power a woman has over a man she's servic--"

"Don't." William stopped him abruptly. "She was our mother."

"Of course she was, but that doesn't change what life's all about. A man's a man for a reason and a woman… well a woman's a woman for a whole lotta reasons, one being to trap a man and use her womanly ways to get him to beckon to her every call…" He shrugged, "Dad would have stepped up to the plate and done what I did for you -- tried to do for you at least, but mom gave him ultimatiums."

"You… really believe that, don't you?" William shook his head. "Even about our own parents."

"Brother -- I believe that no matter who it is. A man's a man and a woman's a woman." He roughly shook his head, "It's that simple."

"Can tell why you never married…" William said under his breath while he looked away from him.

"Can tell why you still aren't…" He easily shot back, not to make the steady and constant tension worse.

William looked back at him like he had struck a nerve.

"Still hurts, doesn't it?" He asked, but recieved no confirmation. "Had you listened to me… I told you once she found something to do, she wouldn't be doing you--"

"Kathy and I had a good marriage." He insisted. "I had no problem with her working. When I met her, she was farther along in her career than I was--"

"Bullshit."

"It's the truth. I spent years proving myself in the field before they ever let me supervise anyone -- even a couple of interns. Three years after we married she nailed her application process and became the president of the company." He shook his head, "It's not just a man's world anymore."

His brother rolled his eyes, "You're killing me with the feminist bullshit."

"It's not bullshit." He tried to get his point across, "When I started as a scientist you couldn't find a woman in sight… by the time I retired, the men in my lab alone were being outnumbered."

"Maybe you had a sissy lab?" He cracked, making a careless joke that only crawled its way into William's skin and started to make a home. "Or maybe that pretty little thing that had you wrapped around her finger had some pull for more women to come on board."

His stare deepened to the point it almost darkened just as he shook his head.

"Where is Elizabath anyway? Thought when I reached your front door I'd have smelt her perfume before I could even knock on the door, but there was no sign of her--"

"Obviously I wouldn't know." He was direct.

His brother waited for a moment or so before he shrugged, "Why?"

"Because I'm not seeing her anymore, David -- that's why." He stated.

"Why?"

"Because it's none of your business -- that's why." He shot back, anger bubbling to the surface.

"Hey -- easy there, Billy--"

"Stop calling me that!" He barked.

"What the hell kind of bug crawled up your ass this morning?"

"The same bug that crawled up yours." He challenged him, "Am I right? I heard you grumbling non-stop for hours this morning and then you were banging around the kitchen -- slamming cabinets on purpose when I told you to keep it down because of Noah--"

"That kid's gonna grow up to be weirder than he already is--"

"He's not weird. He's different -- that's all."

"So he's deaf and nearly blind -- doesn't mean he's gotta live his life inside a plastic bubble."

"He's not deaf. He's hard of hearing and his eyesight is better than mine was at his age." He corrected him, "Jesus fucking Christ -- can't you see that he has special needs?"

"Couldn't see past all the coddling -- "

"Yeah well, sorry to break it to you David, but you couldn't see past anything that makes sense."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means there's a damn good reason why I'm protective of him. For starters he's a child, the second -- he's my goddamned nephew who is struggling with a number of things."

"You're not his father."

"I don't have to be!" His tone was rough, "This was the job I was given -- and I'm doing the damn job."

"Where's Peter?"

"On drugs." He said it without hesistation and did not flinch when his brother looked at him for some elaboration. "Yeah -- Peter is addicted to drugs for a few years now… no telling if he's ever going to come back and considering the bastard of a father he's got which unfortunately is this kid's grandfather -- if I don't do what I'm doing, who the fuck is going to do it?"

"… is that why Elizabeth took off?" His brother asked, not caring much about anything else. "Couldn't stand to play mommy to a child that isn't hers? Can't fault her for that -- she's a woman that deserves her own--"

The laugh that escaped him was one of complete disbelievement and bitter disgust for several reasons he had no intention of explaining.

"You know what, David? I haven't got time for this."

"It's early."

"Noah and I are going into town, then hopefully catching a quick train ride to the airport if these storms continue to hold off. All I need for you to do is take care of the dogs and make sure you try real hard to watch your mouth."

"Sounds a whole lot like watching your own ass -- hard to do without a mirror and can't say I spend much time in the bathroom unless I'm planted on the john."

"Well you better fucking figure out a way." He told him without skipping a beat, "Because after the shit you pulled when Gloria was last around, you're lucky I'm still putting you up and didn't send your ass to the farthest hotel."

"Sounds like you put your foot down -- I'm your brother and that's final. Real tough guy shit -- I'm proud of you, Billy boy."

"You're only still here because of her." He corrected him, "So if I were you -- I'd start showing her respect."

"Woof -- Billy, you're real serious -- huh?" His brother shrugged around a sly smirk, "… suppose time will tell…"

It was then that William sat there and thought about what a big mistake he might have made by asking her to the join their vacation.

[kjharris]

My Total Drama Headcannons

Do you know that scene in the beginning of roti when the Gen 1 cast is on the yacht? I feel like that’s the yacht party Owen promised after he won, and he finally got around to it.

Justin is definitely a barb. Knows every Nicki song word for word.

Noah and Courtney definitely became friends eventually. I feel like they’d watch Hamilton on Sundays or something after talking about class president stuff.

So we all know Duncan tries to be all big and bad. I have this feeling that when he thinks everyone in his house is sleeping, he’d watch miraculous ladybug. 😭

Justin and Alejandro are frenemies. One day they’re beefing about who’s more hot and then the next, they’re doing face masks together.

Leshawna, Trent, and Gwen play just dance. All the time.

Leshawna visits DJ and his mom a lot just bc

Harold and Ezekiel are definitely bffs. He doesn’t excuse the sexist comments made. But he still understands him.

kb5 (Duncan, Courtney, Geoff, Bridgette, DJ) have water balloon fights in the summer and they definitely have chicken fights when they go swimming at a lake or pool.

I feel like if Geoff drinks or eats anything sour he’ll turn into the biggest baby ever.

Heather became a model after the show. But she also loves screen time so she is on a couple of commercials and shows.

Gwen and Heather had “uwu” phases.

Gwen got a job at hot topic and when Cody found out, he applied there too.

Drama brothers bought an apartment together but got evicted because of all the chaos they’ve caused. (Completely Justin and Cody’s fault)

Duncan needs glasses. But he doesn’t wear them because he doesn’t wanna look “geeky”

I feel like half of them still have contact with Chris, despite what he’s put them through. Some hate his guts, while others don’t. Some actually like him!

Chris can’t cook for his life.

Chef actually makes pretty okay food. Since the island was abandoned before the show, they most likely didn’t have anything to work with for food. So Chef used what he can. But once everyone complained and Geoff asked to order pizza rather than eat his food, he made it bad on purpose.

Heather and Duncan secretly have a Minecraft village together.

Cody still plays roblox and has no regrets of it

Duncan and Geoff definitely get put on house arrest for doing something stupid.

If someone were to leave a family member younger than 10 with Duncan, he’d show them “A Nightmare On Elm Street” That kid would be traumatized for the rest of their life.

Sierra and Topher would literally be best friends if they met. I don’t think they ever would, but maybe they’d talk to each other online once or twice.

Heather secretly watches attack on titan. She’s an Eren simp.

kb5 favorite show to watch is probably “Outer Banks” or “Riverdale”

Trent and Courtney had a little friendship. I’d say during roti. They’d play their instruments together and sing.

Justin definitely hangs out with the girls when their just doing girly things. Like if their doing each others hair, his is getting put into bows and clips. Makeup? Maybe he’ll let them do it. Clothes? No. That’s when he leaves.

thats all for now.

[sasuhinasno1fan]

When it all changed - Lukadrien June 2024 Day 1

So I know I technically posted something for Day 1 of @lukadrienmonth but I had written that on my phone, the day of my college reunion when we were all walking around and doing things. I had the hardest time coming up with an idea and I thought the 9-1-1 au would work, but I actually hated it. It didn't have much Lukadrien in it and didn't really feel like it fit the prompt. I thought this went a little better. It's a Legally Blonde au and it's most based off the musical than the movie, which kinda felt fitting. I found the MTV showing of it on the day of my graduation after I got home and this is a fic I'd been working on the day of my reunion. Anyway, Emmett is more present in the musical, helping Elle with tutoring and studying, basically supporting her as she works her way into being a lawyer while also letting her support him in being a good lawyer. I thought since he'd oringally been so focused on making a good impression and doing well enough to work hard for his mom, that Elle's apperance in his life would of been the, well, start of a whole new look on life. Not to mention it being Elle's start on seeing herself as more than just her blonde hair. And as such, we get this. Hopefully you guys like this more. Start of something new

“Welcome to the hallowed halls of Harvard Law. I’m Luka Couffaine, class of the odd 5. I know how hard all of you worked to get here, so why don’t we go around the circle and introduce ourselves?”

Three years ago, Luka was sitting where these guys where, terrified that giving up music was the worst mistake of his life but after hearing how his mom almost made it through law school when she became pregnant with him and watching her stand up for herself against the ticket loving officer in France, Luka wanted to prove himself. People looked at their family, willing to break the rules and supporting each other and thought they’d never amount to anything. Luka was this close to become partner at Barbot’s firm and fully graduating as a lawyer. Being a TA was hard work, not to mention his part time jobs just so his father wouldn’t pay his loans but if he stuck to his routine, it would be ok. Everything would fall into place.

“Hi! Sorry I’m late!” a new voice yelled, interrupting Alya’s long resume of accomplishments – and possible lawsuits, how did she get away with half that stuff?

Americans considered themselves to be contained compared to all the international admissions, but this guy? The wildest thing Luka did was dye his hair blue. The blonde in front of them was dressed, quite fashionably, in pink. Somehow he managed to find a pink Harvard shirt and his newspaper boy hat was a shade of pink plaid Luka hadn’t seen before, not even from Rose. The strangest thing was the long-haired black cat tucked under his arm. Like most cats, he was boneless but not squirming an inch, tail twitching and purring loud enough Luka could hear him from where he sat

Luka didn’t know it then but, that boy was about to change his routine, his constant, his life.

Agreste, Adrien, like most of the students in his orientation group, was from France but he’d been living in the US to attend UCLA. He’d been accepted into top school in France and even Cambridge in England, but Adrien claimed he wanted a different experience. With a fashion designer father and actress mother, no one really told him no. he boasted about being the only male to be allowed in Delta Nu and was president and actually founded a charity for kids to gain an opportunity to go school despite their circumstance called Black Cats. And oh, of course, stopped Mireille Caquet from buying a ‘truly heinous tube top.’ Luka also found out –

“Wait, wait, wait. You caused the campus to close down for half an hour? Security was scrambling all over looking for someone, that was you?”

Adrien shrugged, not looking at all bothered. “Well, I thought my personal essay would be better given in person, instead of my original idea of filming it.”

“And they still let you in?” Alya asked, Prince Ali and even XY looking surprised.

“Well, they didn’t love the singing and dancing,” they didn’t like what? “But! Once I reminded him that getting the whole UCLA marching band and most of the cheer team to come help because of the type of person I saw, they decided to give me a chance. I was homeschooled until I ran away from home enough to just attend school once. I’m stubborn.”

Adrien was, something. A bit ditzy and a little naïve and focused on one girl, Kagami Tsurugi. The teachers had high hopes for her, her own father a famous graduate and when her family weren’t destroying opponents in fencing, they were running Japan as politicians. She could have looked annoyed when she saw Adrien in class with her, more so when he’d been hearing that the girl had a very jealous girlfriend ready to use her claws, but he’d heard the most surprising thing from her.

“Who is he?” Luka asked, after giving Adrien his syllabus for the class.

“My ex. Last I saw him, we were visiting family in France before Spring Break started.”

“Huh.” He said surprised. “he’s either a stalker or determined.”

“He’s actually one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met. The fact my family didn’t like him was I thought the most surprising part, but clearly, I’ve underestimated him. I’m almost looking forward to seeing the look on my mother’s face.”

Most people didn’t look proud of their Exes. Not that it lasted long. Adrien had gotten kicked out of Barbot’s class for not doing the reading, putting him on Marinette’s radar to stay away from her girlfriend, which started a trend. Adrien falling behind, despite how much he seemed to be trying, snarky comments not just from Marinette but everyone who thought the boy who loved pink didn’t belong and the bright smile Adrien had slowly growing dimmer. Plagg, Adrien’s cat, was becoming more of a security blanket than the only animal brave enough to climb onto Barbot’s table and not move after being shoved to go away.

So, Luka didn’t think much of it when he found Adrien crying on a bench on campus after another late night in the library and asked what was wrong. He’ll admit, he was surprised Adrien actually admitted he came to Harvard to follow Kagami, but he was also happy to hear that he wasn’t blind to how his school life had been going.

“So, you came out here to follow a girl and Harvard Law was just part of the plan? What rich romantic planet are you from?” he asked jokingly, pushing the bunny ears further up on Adrien’s head. Luka didn’t want to look in too deep as to why Adrien was dressed as a male Playboy bunny, just thankful he decided to wear a shirt in the East Coast fall weather.

“France? Technically.”

“SO, instead of walking through Parisian streets by the Eiffel Tower, you decide to just follow a girl to an Ivy League school? That’s got to be the weirdest reason-”

“Why’d you come?”

Luka had only ever said it once, during his own orientation. Despite being born in France like Adrien, he’d lived in the States his whole life, so his group had been bigger and most of them had zoned out by the time he spoke.

“Ok.” Luka dropped his bag on the bench and tugged his jacket off, putting it on Adrien’s shoulders. “My mamman was supposed to graduate from law school, but she dropped out to have me. It wasn’t part of my grandparent’s deal with her and when she wouldn’t go back after my first year to finish, they cut her off. So, she moved us here, not wanting anything to do with my dad. She almost got back together with him, but he never changed and he just left her with my sister. Life was hard growing up, but she worked hard to give us what we need, even after my sister’s anxiety got worse and my empathic nature made it hard for me to be around people. Thing was, she’s always been a rebel, so she’s gotten into trouble with the police. Mamman was top of her class though, so she could run rings around them but enough cop cars stopping by and a concerned social worker is enough to start rumours. People thought we wouldn’t amount to anything and I was getting so tired of people saying that to the person who gave everything up to be happy. So, I was going to prove them I could follow in her footsteps and still be better than all of them. when I win my first lucrative trail and can move us back to France so she can get the houseboat she always wanted, that’s when it’ll be worth it. I got through 3 years of law school with two jobs to pay for loans, so you’ll forgive me for not weeping at your tale.”

“Excuse me, just because you have some chip on your shoulder,” Adrien started.

“Yeah, and that chip has been the thing to help me through this and makes me driven as hell. Adrien, you’ve been given a chance most people dream of so don’t waste it. in fact,” he said, standing up and pulling his bag back on his shoulder, “think about getting a chip of your own. I want my jacket back.”

He’d given advice before, helped bolster a bit of encouragement into a student, maybe no one like Adrien, but it felt like routine at this point. Nothing should have changed.

Adrien got into Harvard after dragging a marching band and cheerleaders into the admissions office. Luka was starting to learn it was nearly impossible to not get drawn into what Adrien’s world was. So much so, that he was as surprised as his mother was when he told her what he was doing.

“Did you get my package for thanksgiving?”

Luka unlocked the door to his apartment with said package under his arm, using his foot to shut the door behind him.

“Yeah. I thought you weren’t planning on sending anything.”

“Thank Rose. Got flirted by some rich kid. A prince apparently, but he got so enamoured by her, he didn’t care she was dating your sister. Something about how he’ll be back in his country with armoured cars, so might as well make all the pretty girls happy with whatever they want?”

Luka was sent back to the first day of classes when he heard those words. “What’s his name? the ‘prince’?”

“Alibaba? No, that’s a website.”

“Ali. Prince Ali. Was Rose near campus? He goes here.”

“Oh.” His mother sounded surprised, but Luka was used to Rose doing odd things. She was a ray of sunshine dating his shadow of a sister, taken in by their pirate mother. “She was looking for you actually. Wanted to ask for a book to be held at your job and you almost never answer your phone unless you call first so. Where were you Tuesday? She thought you’d be at the library or grading papers.”

“Ah. I was helping tutor someone.”

“You?”

That wasn’t an insult. Luka was a nice person who gave encouragement but he had little patience for teaching people. He tried with Juleka, who snapped at him as much as he did her and the few times he tried during school to try and get paid for it, it ended up with him being paid to do the work because he’d become short with whoever he was teaching.

“There’s this student, a freshman. He’s…different.”

“Different enough that your tutoring him?”

He hadn’t planned it. Adrien dragged him back into conversation that night by asking for advice on how he managed to do it all during his first years, not that he seemed to listen as his main focus was trying to prove he was serious. He’d been invited back to Adrien’s room – all brightly coloured can slightly covered in black cat hair – and when Adrien admitted to studying magazines more than his text books, he sort of, snapped. He thought dismantling the desk turned vanity would annoy Adrien enough that he wouldn’t even try but even with a bit of groaning, Adrien still unearthed his textbooks and let Luka help him. Instead of heading to the library after Barbot’s classes, he’d find himself with Adrien, either dragging him to the library with him, admitting defeat and going to a coffee shop on occasion or to Adrien’s room. Being at his room meant sharing the new desk space with Plagg, Adrien’s cat and quizzing Adrien as he became as addicted to Redbulls as Adrien was. Whenever Adrien had essays or readings, Luka would still find himself in the dorm room working on his own work for classes or whatever Barbot dropped in his lap for work.

He hadn’t realised he’d fallen into new habits since meeting Adrien. It probably explained why when he went to their next study session, after he convinced Adrien to skip going home for Thanksgiving, that he took the whole package his mother had sent him and pushed back their normal video call where he’d eat the food sent with them.

“What’s this?” Adrien asked pulling out the half-thawed pieces of turkey and artichoke dip.

“I know you wanted to see your friends, so I thought we should at least feast on the classics. Unless you were heading home to France and want foir gros.”

“Gross.” Adrien said, scrunching his nose. He looked a picture, dressed down in an oversized pink UCLA hoodie and pyjama pants covered in anime characters. “I hate foir gros. To be honest, I hadn’t decided where I was going. I just planned on figuring it out when I got to the airport. Oh, don’t look at me like that. We don’t celebrate thanksgiving in France but I have good memories of it. one of my older sorority sisters invited me my first year. It was a massive thing, somehow missing all the trashy drama that happens now, but they let me join in their traditions, we watched the Addams Family movies and just eat the food. France just has my family. Though, dad is paying for me to come here, even after he didn’t think I should. I know most of my family doesn’t think I’m all that serious, even after what I did just to go to school in person with people and I’d like to prove to them I am. But they still believed in me. All I had to do was ace the LSATs and all years were paid. I guess passing my first year would prove to them they made the right choice.”

“You will.” Luka promised. “Now, we can steal the oven in the kitchen to warm the food up while I quiz you on famous cases. Remember, Barbot is going to have you justify your case for your test. Think you can keep up?”

Adrien looked nervous, but like everything else – except for when he’d broken down on that bench that fall night – he looked determined.

“I can do it.”

_____________________

The crush? That started to clue in later. His mother would tease him whenever he mentioned he’d been with Adrien, which was nearly every day when he wasn’t busy. The holidays had thankfully slowed the office as many gave up high profile cases for vacations in warmer weathers but Luka filled the time off he’d been given with more shifts at his jobs, going over Adrien’s work and slowly getting Adrien to realise that his desire to get Kagami’s attention was doing more harm than good.

It had clicked for the blonde when Luka came to drop off his present. It had been a joke, the 2-in-1 shampoo and conditioner, mostly to see the disgusted and horrified look on his face when Luka mentioned he used it.

“you have coloured hair! You recently coloured it too.” Luka hadn’t expected Adrien to dig his hands into his hair, messing up his bangs and causing them to fall into his eyes. “how on earth do you use that stuff and your hair is this soft?” Luka should have picked up on something when he noticed that Adrien’s hands, whenever they passed over his ears, were really soft. “You are joking right? Luka, I swear if this is what you actually use.”

Someone clearing their throat reminded them they weren’t alone. Luka pulled Adrien’s hands away to look at the guy smirking at them from Adrien’s bed. “Don’t mind me, just enjoying the show.”

“Ah. Right. Luka, this is Max. he graduated from MIT early and works at the nail salon I go to.”

“Right. With the miniature horse.”

“He’s a trained therapy animal.” Max reassured. Honestly, Luka was doing criminal and divorce law, that was not his problem. “I was helping Adrien study. I think I’ll head out though. Nice to finally meet you Luka. Adrien mentions you all the time.”

“Nothing bad!” Adrien assured as Max disappeared doing something behind Luka’s head that he barely caught. “But seriously, you were joking right?”

“Adrien?” Kagami asked, knocking on the door. The blonde ripped his wrists from Luka’s hands and smiled at his ex. “have you gotten the email from Barbot yet? I wanted to print off the reading he wants us to do to read on the plane home and I still haven’t seen anything.”

“I, uh,” Adrien giggled. “I…um?”

Luka decided to help him out. “I send the readings out. Barbot hasn’t sent me the original documents he wants. It’ll be out soon.”

Kagami seemed surprised to see him there, glancing at Adrien before nodding to herself. She looked set on something before offering her thanks and leaving, Adrien still as incoherent as he’d been when she walked in. he knew this is why Adrien wasn’t doing so well, focused on getting Kagami’s attention. Why it filled him with such hot rage, he had no clue. Watching Adrien put the pieces together and actually win his practise case was amazing, more so when Barbot seriously accepted Adrien’s resume for his internship, even printed on pink paper and scented. When Adrien was one of the 4 names, Luka couldn’t be prouder.

He could have done without him deciding to be a trustworthy lawyer to their client Clara Nightengale by keeping her alibi secret and not budging for anyone. Not even him. It somehow then evolved into Adrien dragging him shopping.

“I don’t need a new suit.” He tried protesting as the entered the department store.

“Luka,” Adrien turned, looking odd in the black suit he was in. it was the first time he wasn’t in any sort of pink. “I know you’ll find a way of winning this without Clara’s alibi or a plea deal, not to mention doing the one thing you’re trying to avoid.”

“Which is?”

“giving people what they want. Luka, come on, you became a lawyer because everyone thought you’d amount to nothing and that your mother was the same. The same woman who raised you to be a rebel and do the right thing.”

“How is clothes going to help with that?”

Adrien actually giggled and bounced in place at the question. “clothes help paint the picture. I love your jean jackets and ripped jeans and I know you’re an amazing lawyer but looking the part would be a massive help in showing what you can do. I know you’re amazing. Now we just need to show everyone else. Come on! god, I love shopping for guys!”

Since dawning the black suit, Adrien seemed to be hiding but the whole experience made him look like the naive freshman who graduated UCLA to follow a girl he’d moved on from. Silly as it sounded, it was the side of Adrien he loved. He didn’t do this, get so involved with a student that they became his best friend, that he wanted to gain their approval, that they’d be so concerned over him not going back on his morals just to gain the approval of a boss to make his life easier.

“Love? It’s the new scent from Calvin Klein.” A department associated offered.

He didn’t fall in love.

But since that first day, where Adrien rushed over to their group decked in pink and carrying Plagg, full of tales and anecdote, unwilling to give up no matter how hard, Luka’s whole life had changed. There was a new routine, a new path. That first day was the start of something new he was never expecting.

And he wouldn’t change it for the world. The things that almost made him lose him after, that he would, but considering it got Adrien back into his signature pink plus bonus heels – a sight that would never get old – he couldn’t be too upset.

[sparkedblaze]

DAVEY

Look y’all gotta start telling me if y’all want canon or modern 💀

Okay so idk if Davey was based of Dave Simmons but let me tell you about him anyway 🥰🥰

I think Jack’s characterization is far closer to Dave Simmons than Davey’s. The only thing they share is a name.

But I digress

So! This is Dave Simmons!

President of the Union in the first half of the strike

Accused of betraying the strike, though I personally think he may have been a victim of a whisper campaign out out by the papers

The rumor was that he and Kid Blink took a bribe to sell papes before the end of the strike.

Though they both denied the accusation, they both stepped down from their position. Dave (I believe) became treasurer instead.

There’s no actual evidence that he actually scabbed. But they decided to step down rather than hinder the strike with disloyalty.

Newsies Davey

Mom friend. This isn’t even a hc it’s just canon at this point.

This boy is burnt out before he’s even an adult 💀My poor boy is so tired all the time please give him iced coffee and therapy

Book smart. Common sense dumb. Uses big words like auspicious but knows nothing of selling or anything about Snyder (despite living in NYC and being poor enough to need to join the newsies)

Here comes my rant about autistic Davey Jacobs:

Has no filter and even less chill. Davey is very all or nothing and I love him for that.

Doesn’t get social cues. See: Jack v upset about Crutchie being arrested. Davey: “abOvE thE fOld”

Special interest: learning. Especially about art. And hawking. And pretty strike leaders

He and Les have gotten stuck in echolalia circles. They’ll echo each other for hours on end.

Has trouble lying, and approaching people in general.

End of this autistic Davey Jacobs rant bc I could literally talk forever

He values honesty so much it hurts. When Jack scabs in 92sies. One of first things David says is “You’re a liar! You lied about everything!” And the devastation on his face in Livesies. Literal chills 😭😭

Where Jack ignores orders just to prove a point, Davey doesn’t mind following orders as long as they’re reasonable. As long as they make sense. When the strike starts, Davey doesn’t quite understand. He doesn’t get the difference in ten cents for a hundred papes. It doesn’t make any difference to him. When it’s explained to him, he’s wholeheartedly for the strike. When Jack scabs, Davey once again doesn’t understand because they’ve worked so hard. And this is the one thing Jack listens to?

Anti-violence. Even in the face of starvation and freezing in the coming winter (they don’t know how long this strike will last. He has to be prepared) Davey is adamant. Do not soak the scabs.

Is always 100% done with Jack’s shit.

Is Jewish!! I’m like 98% sure this is canon, but I am certain it’s at least fanon the Jacobs are Jewish

Say something about his baby brother and he. Will. End. You.

RYAN KOPEL IS SO RIGHT THAT DAVEY GETS A LITTLE MORE FERAL EVERY DAY.

Modern:

Davey✔️

He and Jack have been friends for as long as he could remember. His family always went around to the orphanages in New York, bringing old clothes that had been collected by the people of their Synagogue.

David and Sarah had always sought out Jack when they’d get to the Refuge. Snyder always put on a front of being a kind, caring guardian when there were visitors, but Jack told Davey and Sarah about some of the horrors that they were put through.

Their parents never believed them, because Jack (having a distrust of adults for some odd reason) always told them that he was fine and he wasn’t in any danger, and so they thought their children were making it up to try and bring their friend home. When Les was born, the Jacobs took time off to get adjusted to having a new child in the house.

In college for business or marketing to make sure he knows how to do what’s best to keep them successful.

Dave in the Life: Multiple videos a week just vlogging the domestic side of his and Jack’s relationship

Been There Done That: Joint channel with Jack. Traveling, doing wild shit, usually featuring many of their friends

This concludes everything coming out of my brain about Davey Jacobs right now

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk

[faytelumos]

A Good Girl's Eulogy

cw: real death; animal and human death mentions

---

On August 28th last year, some time around 5pm, my family's 18 year old chow/shepherd mix took her last breath.

When we first got her, she fit comfortably in my mom's hands. She was the runt, and mom had picked her out for that fact. The runt of the litter doesn't always get adopted, she said. While us kids and Dad were at home, fawning over our new baby, Mom went to get bowls, food, and toys. Us kids went to bed and Dad watched the puppy, the gears in his mechanic's brain working, and when Mom got back, he looked up to her, our new family member in his lap.

"We have two choices for her name. Diesel, or International."

Diesel was smart, and maybe all dog owners think theirs is unusually intelligent, but our girl was clever.

By the time Diesel was a "teenager" she knew we didn't like her out of the yard alone. She belonged in the back yard when there wasn't anyone around to watch over her, since the front yard was completely unfenced and open to the neighborhood. Every day, when Mom got up, she would let Diesel into the back yard to do her business, and ten or so minutes later, would call Diesel back into the house for breakfast. Every single day, this was the pattern. And one day, Mom strayed from that pattern to look out into the front yard.

And there was Diesel, casually patrolling the front yard, unattended.

Shocked, Mom had headed to the back yard, but by the time she got around the side of the house, Diesel, too, was in the back yard.

We learned that day that she had found a hole in the fence, and more than likely was taking daily constitutionals into the front yard, perhaps to check up on things or watch birds, before returning to the back yard to be collected for breakfast. If she ever had any more sneaky escapades or excursions, we never caught her.

We adopted other dogs, who became Diesel's companions and fellow family members in her adulthood. A stocky little thing that had been surrendered to us from another family (we gave him a Nicholas name after a US president) a tiny pup we had gotten from a local breeder (who we also gave an automotive name) and another tiny breed who we adopted from a home that couldn't care for him anymore (named after a color).

Diesel was always the biggest by far, tall and strong. She was dominant in personality and in charge, and she often led the others around the yard here and there to anything that was interesting or required attention.

She didn't need a leash if a human was with her. She started one-sided fights with President, chased rabbits and birds, always came when she was called, knew how to shake hands, and you could pat your chest to get her to jump up, put her paws on you, and gives kisses.

She deserved more love than we gave her.

Dad played fetch with her, took her for rides in the truck, and called her his good dog. He was outside working often, and they spent time together when she wasn't exploring or checking things out with the others. She'd sit with him inside in the evening, and he'd give her scritches.

Five years ago, he died suddenly. I lived out of state. The police officer on my mom's doorstep told her she didn't want to see the body.

A lot happened in that week. I asked myself more than once if Diesel knew he was gone. I came and visited, and then went back to the life I had left paused.

Three years ago, Diesel got very sick.

Mom wasn't sure she'd make it through the weekend, and I dropped everything again to return. She was sixteen at the time. She had been a part of my family for sixteen years, and I stopped just short of telling my boss and coworkers that my sister was dying.

She was his dog, Mom wept over the phone.

When I got into the house, she was in a sorry state; skin and bone, her strength sapped as she lay on the living room floor. She hadn't eaten in two days, and she'd stopped drinking that morning. I couldn't have imagine it, not from the girl who had been a powerhouse and boss over her huge back yard not so long ago.

I gave her bland food to coax her to eat, and overnight she seemed to gain ten pounds. I took her to the vet, told them where she hurt and to be careful of her temper, and then took her home. The appointment that, three days ago, had been for her final breath, turned into a prescription for antibiotics. But at her age and in her state, chemotherapy and surgery wasn't an option. So we let that battle go.

I came, visited, and then went back to the life I had left paused.

Last year, another call.

She's really bad. I think this is it.

Tell her I'm coming. Tell her I'll be there tomorrow.

I silently hoped I could perform that miracle twice.

She was so thin. She wobbled on her back feet, toes getting caught as she walked. She coughed, raspy and rough. I picked her up, my once 60 pound firecracker, and she let me carry her upstairs so mom could give her a bath in the tub.

I laid with her for hours, two towels wrapped over her and curled up against her back so she didn't shiver as she dried.

The vet came to us. A new, affordable program for geriatric or terminally ill dogs. I made sure Mom would get her ashes back. Because we'd had her for eighteen years, and she was going to stay with us now forever.

The other dogs and all of us kids and mom held her and stroked her. The vet was so kind, and we all watched as our beloved girl let go of her pain.

I carried her, wrapped in my dad's favorite blanket, to the back of the vet's car. There were two other bundles in the back. Small, and tenderly covered.

I watched her go, and I stayed in the street after she'd turned the corner.

[nathaniel-donovan]

Filled the hole in my head with prescriptive medication, and I forgot how to cry, who am I, who am I to complain.

FULL BIO HERE.

BACKGROUND. (tw: emotional abuse, depression, substance abuse, death mentions)

Second child to Harold and Meredith Donovan; was always pushed to follow in his father's footsteps, with an idealization (on Harold's part) for him to inspire to gain a career within law enforcement.

If Nate could have chosen his own path in life, he would have succeeded the title of aerospace engineer, being that he always had a fascination of building/fixing things, combining that with his love for space his dream was to work for NASA. To be able to say I built that was always a teenage goal, one that was quickly stamped out by his emotionally abusive alcoholic father.

He dove into the educational path set out for him in fear of disappointing his father, becoming depressed during his late teens that carried on into his twenties, enrolling in the police academy and it was there he gained an injury that (fortunately on reflection) had him incapable of performing his daily tasks. Something that spiralled into an identity crisis, kick starting his drop out from the police force and awakening full vocal disapproval from Harold, he also became reliant on OxyContin at this time.

Found himself diving into an intense toxic love with an ex gf when he was 22. They were equally good for each other as they were bad. This relationship was pivotal to Nate in the sense of him choosing to remain on the single side of life once they broke up after years of dating.

At 23 he joined the Hellraisers as a prospect, with Leon Best (former MC President) giving him the push he needed to do so, in turn he learned the true meaning of family. His loyalty to the Sons knew no bounds, even despite Nate constantly pushing through everyday on softer drugs.

A few years later he turned to harder drugs (with his ex) and it wasn't until his sister, Logan found him unresponsive that she called 911, kick starting Nate's journey to sobriety (a sobriety he became lenient with, in terms of limiting himself to 2 beers if he wanted so).

When he was 28 his mother died in a car accident, days before he had a disagreement with her and the last thing he ever said to his mom was "No", something he regrets and cannot move on from.

Nate has owned The Raven for five years; the high-end strip club being his legitimate business.

In 2023 his sister, Cassie Donovan, died and Nate began to struggle with the mental toll of her loss, blaming himself with the burden of not doing enough to help her with her own substance abuse issues. He relapsed and started leaning onto the pills he was taking and finding comfort in the form of alcohol. Since hitting rock bottom, Nate has been trying to pick himself back up from the ground and his aim is to keep to his sobriety and have no leniencies. Nate is trying to focus on himself, find himself, and remain clear headed for the family that surrounds him.

HEADCANONS.

Has a one-eyed silver Maine Coon called Chip. Nate ensured the life of this cat was saved and has had and adored Chip for four years. He would literal die for this cat. His sister, Logan, got him an orange cat called Cheddar for Christmas '23.

Avid boxer, as well as gym-goer. These activities helps him not only to stay fit, but he finds they help him mentally.

He was a massively into Pokémon when he was younger.

His mom used to called him Nathan, as well as her "little monkey", a nod to that is the cute monkey tattoo he has on his (right) inner wrist. Adding to this he has a full tattoo sleeve (right arm), as well as the Sons reaper on his back. Also has an Aquarius constellation tattoo on his (right) inner wrist as a nod to his ex gf (his first personal tattoo).

His middle name is Joseph.

[anonymous1038]

Little Miss Perfect and President Perfect

@ila-appreciationweek day 2

(Inspired by Little Miss Perfect and President Perfect songs)

Note: takes place before homecoming in ILITW

Minor warning: mentions of emotional abuse and manipulation and implied drug abuse

Straight hair.

Straight A(s).

Straightforward.

Be the perfect daughter of Mayor Green.

She didn’t want to pretend there’s nothing wrong in her family. She hated it.

So much.

Her mother and father were constantly fighting before their eventual divorce. She kept fighting with her mother about the most ridiculous things that her brother had to keep intervening to make sure they don’t kill each other.

Stacy hated the word perfect.

It would never describe her, never be something that can define her.

So when Britney told her that she’s the perfect little princess of the mayor, she snapped. She spilled so many secrets that were locked behind locked doors that the media would have a field day with if they got ahold of it.

She thought she was safe when she shared it all with Britney, who held her and gave her a shoulder to cry on when she needed it most

She betrayed her. And made her her puppet.

It was never worth it.

Not when she’s little miss perfect.

.~.

Straight hair.

Straight A(s).

Straightforward.

Be the perfect student of the whole school.

The student body president with so much to do, too little time for himself.

The pressure became too much.

His parents’ successes played through his mind on repeat. How his mother would chew him out for losing 1% on a test, berating him for one little mistake he made. How his father read his accomplishments to him until dawn comes, as if mocking him for being lesser.

Lucas hated the word perfect.

It would never describe him, never be something that can define him.

But he tries to maintain the ‘good’ reputation he built up, until it became far too much for him to bear.

So he turned to...drastic measures.

It worked, far too well. It became a secret he must keep until the end of high school.

It was never worth it.

Not when he’s president perfect.

.~.

“Do you hate a specific word?”

“As a matter of fact, I do.”

“Perfect?”

“...yes, that one.”

In that moment, as they hugged each other, they weren’t little miss perfect or president perfect.

They were just Stacy Green and Lucas Thomas, ordinary students with too much to bear.

They’re no longer perfect in the eyes of others, but it was worth it.

.~.

“So, who wants to go and murder some bitches?” Ava reaches for the knife taped to her boot, unsheathing it and itching to use it.

“Hell yeah.” Andy cracks his knuckles.

“Do you want to get arrested for murder by your own father?” Connor’s hand on Andy’s shoulder was the only reason why he hasn’t run off yet. “Besides, Stacy’s mom is my mom and-

“Don’t care. Lucas’s parents suck and Stacy doesn’t deserve that garbage mother. And neither do you.”

“Oh yeah, kill them.”

All heads turn to Lily, who had a furious expression plastered on her face, brandishing a baseball bat that suspiciously looks like Candy the bat Jasper got at the hardware store.

“Lily. Holy shit.” Noah muttered.

“Can we kill Noah’s mom too?” Jasper asks, raising a knife menacingly into the air.

“What?!”

[feuqueerfire]

Moonlight Chicken Live Blogging

 GMMTV Youtube

Another GMMTV 2022 BL that's finally been released! I do like it when Disney+Hotstar releases the shows 2 eps a week because I get to binge the shows sooner (as long as they still put it up on Youtube...)

I avoided spoilers mostly except after watching My School President and kind of getting into GeminiFourth, I also got spoiler for almost their whole storyline last week haha Also, apparently it's not a cheating story as expected but rather Alan and ? Wen? are exes.

NLMG was up wonky in its last few episodes, so here's hoping another of my most anticipated shows from the 2022 lineup doesn't let me down.

Ep 1: Only You in the Full Moon Night (Mar 1)

1-1

ah they're talking about the effects of Covid on the economy - I think I remember somebody talking about the gentrification that happens or something?

Ah, I don't know if this is one take but I loveee the handheld (?) camera following around Jim as he travels from Leng to Li Ming to Gaipa, etc. It gives the impression of there's always something to do, something's always happening

lmfao jinxing Praew still having her period cuz I think she's gonna get pregnant, right?

oh this was filmed September 10 2022

(Linguistics) Jim is using -ha ending particles with the grandma

drunk driving with no seatbelts lmfao

ah the 2 of them just praying and wandering around the streets

plssss I've seen the clip of Wen walking into Li Ming's room before but I didn't realize it was like this, I'm crying

"It won't be complicated, right?" lmfao

there was a kiss on the back in NLMG as well

this is a lot for me tbh I keep wanting to skip but ah I won't, I'm nervous about missing things. I'm just watching it not on fullscreen

Very good start but do I finish up this episode before sleeping or do I do a LeetCode like I've been meaning to all day instead?

1-2

Okay, I did my leetcode (very badly rip) so I get to reward myself with part 2

gbye Wen playing with Jim's cat after their one night stand killing me so bad

ohhh this is the cat food PPL people were talking about lmfaooo

lol pls Gaipa's mom covering for him about the Sour Soup even though Leng was right when he said it wasn't his mom who gave it but Gaipa himself

please my poor Gaipa giving the mooncakes to Jim out of his crush on him but Jim just thinking about sharing one with Wen last night

ah Khaotung my most beloved boy, I missed seeing him on my screen

Wen's back at his own apartment and I know it's exes living together instead of cheating storyline apparently but :< I wish it was cheating. who would've thought I'd want that but Love Mechanics did a number on me I suppose

two chargers

1-3

I should go to sleep but part 2's preview showed Heart and Li Ming so... here I am instead

both of them keep thinking of that night

Li Ming is so boyish and trickster-y when he manages to get the keys to the motorbike and ride despite his license

lol Li Ming really left poor Heart with the broken glass

ah, I know so much about Heart and Li Ming already :< like Heart became deaf a few years ago and his parents don't let him go anywhere and haven't learned how to communicate with him

pls "We both took turns" "Hehe, that's my slutty boy"

(Linguistics) I've noticed Thai people sometimes say "chill chill" in English instead of just chill and now this guy used "pure pure" to describe pure sex. I wonder if this type of repetition is common in Thai as well and I just don't know it because I don't know Thai or if it's specifically with English words. Actually, I think plural is just repetition of the word at least sometimes? dek = child, dek dek = children, so it's not just English loanwords

Wen's avoiding his apartment?

1-4

who's Mrs. Jinata? oh is that Heart's mom

rip not only are Li Ming and Jim poorer than the officer, the officer is also obviously a cop. So they could ruin them

ah Li Ming's gonna work for Heart's family to pay it off 7k baht

How come Heart let Li Ming take the fall? I wonder if his parents are just not listening to him saying what he's trying to communicate or if Heart's a jerk and is letting Li Ming take the brunt of it all

Wen taking lessons about one night stands from his P'Gong and yet still showing up to Jim's to drink a beer lmao instead he even wants to waitstaff at the restaurant like bro what about your real job. then again what even is his job? he was at his apartment and the gym and he seems to spend money much more casually than Jim but what does he do to earn that money?

Very good, delightful episode with good acting, writing (in terms of characters and sensibility of events), and directing/cinematography. I'm really looking forward to the rest of the episodes.

Oh yeah another big spoiler that I didn't wanna put up there was that I've been saying ppl post behind photos of MLC and saying Gaipa's mother is gonna die. It's ep 6 been released and she hasn't died yet I don't think from the way the tweets are worded, so I'v been spoiled about something that hasn't even happened yet lmfao

Ep 2: The Temporary Chicken Rice (Mar 1)

2-1

not Leng's premonition dream about their daughter

Li Ming is soooo teenage boy here my god I wanna be him so bad

like he's rude to his uncle and doesn't let Heart get away with sitting around and it helps that Fourth was 17 when filming but it really is so 17 year old behaviour

lol Wen's not gonna let up

2-2

please Gaipa starting shit in Leng and Praew's relationship just for the hell of it

why does Gaipa handle the chicken and everything else with the same gloves T.T

Wen vs Gaipa over Jim's affections lmfao this awkwardness...

I wish I knew Wen and Gaipa's ages like how old are they supposed to be

Li Ming giving me the most random gender envy like I think I could be fixed if I was a 17-year-old boy who was playing soccer while shirtless with some other boys

so does Li Ming know he likes boys/is starting to realize he likes boys/knows he doesn't like girls? like was his disinterest in the girl because of his lack of attraction to her or is it because of his worries covered up by apathy about the future?

What's Li Ming watching on his phone?

okay just kidding I don't envy his grades nor his lack of direction for the future and his money troubles

also quick insert from after watching the ep: he got a 2/10 on his English but he wants to travel abroad for work to like America or Australia

A tiny truce between Li Ming and Heart

haiaiai Praew's now pregnant and her parents will want her and Leng to get married but he doesn't have the money for it rip the stress making them fight is the worst because they were so cute so far this ep

2-3

I don't fully get what's happening with the Car Insurance letter thing

oh instead of paying that bill he bought gold jewelry for Praew?

lol ofc he'd run into Wen

So I guess Wen makes enough to have some income to spend on some things but not like he's freely spending

ah Wen saying "I have so much time for you"

Li Ming's hopes of going on America or Australia bringing back immigration time memories even though I don't remember much. I know lots of international students who come to study here but you gotta be loaded for that; Li Ming as a young boy who doesn't know the language coming here would be so difficult it's actually making me already anxious. I want him to break out of the small town/restaurant if that's what he wants but coming to work in North America with little education, skills, and command of the language is its own version of hell

but maybe at least knowing Wen's relatives would help him

Note upon rewatch: lol I think someone on Discord mentioned it so I rewatched this part where I initially thought Heart looked around, didn't see Li Ming, then went on his phone but instead Heart saw Li Ming and immediately went on the phone to cover up the fact that he was looking for him and ignored him until he was touched lol silly boy

Heart wanting to watch a Thai movie that doesn't have Thai subs but ironically MLC also doesn't seem to have Thai subs

the pimples and bumps on Gemini's face I love you. reminds me slightly of watching Not Me and getting to see their faces not just blurry

ah Heart said thank you for being my ears

oof Heart's mom forbidding him from going out is so

ahh yeah Jim did indeed get it for Leng to give the necklace as Praew's dowry

pls not Leng saying "one during the day, another at night" about Jim with Gaipa and Wen

2-4

not a fucking mistake when reversing a car that sends ppl falling - my worst nightmare

fuckkk not Jim needing the car insurance after he bought the necklace instead of paying the insurance bill

are the couple faking it? did they purposely go behind the car and pretend to fall and make a big deal and just leave with the money?

bro Wen's saying yeah I just gave them 3k baht and it's okay, you don't need to pay me back? be so serious

so how much money does Wen actually have?

Jim tryna get a home and a kiss from Jim but Jim not wiling to provide either

This show shows something about the small pleasures of the poor/those struggling with money. Leng's cigarettes that cost 4 baht for 1 and Jim drinking 1 beer a day. People who aren't in that situation say to save that money as if that little will solve their problems; instead, the small pleasures and vices help people to get through the day

Ep 3: The Dream of Eternal Moon (Mar 1)

3-1

ah yeah Mix is working on the Marina food court ting that Jim and Gaipa were previously discussing

Are those Wen's photos with Jim's cat? or a diff one?

ahh they're negotiating the demolition of the place where Jim's restaurant is

ah fuck the team Wen's in spoke to Gaipa's mom because she's the owner of the chicken restaurant and got her to speak to other owners or whatever about something for them (selling their businesses, I think?) and got the contact for the person who owns the property where Moonlight Chicken is. However, they didn't tell her they're gonna demolish it so she doesn't know and is complaining that these people keep demolishing things and should instead be preserving ahhh.

Also, Gaipa and Wen's staring at each other in during that conversation because only the two of them know both the facts that 1) Wen works at Moonlight Chicken and 2) The demolition stuff will be happening

Giddy little Heart at Li Ming learning sign language and trying to speak with me. My poor boy who has been so isolated and neglected for the past few years T.T

oof Jim thinks Wen's worried because of monthly bills and payments

oh Papang's character used to be Jim's boyfriend

Papang yelling out loud about their love is making me nervous

oh smiley, happy Jim

lmfao so dumb to just have the person you're cheating with's phone call background be a cutesy photo of you and them + have your camera roll be filled with them wtf

so is the homophobic sister the same as Li Ming's mother?

rip Wen just learns more than Jim can even say he loves his diner and his history with it; the whole time, his company's planning on demolishing it

3-2

no like Li Ming so true because when you're rich or have status, you get endless free things or it's easier to get to borrow things whereas poor people or those who really need said free help/loan have to fight tooth and nail to get a portion

Wen has Jim as Chicken Stranger on his contacts

bro people pointed it out on Reddit and Discord that Earth sighs too much and now I'm noticing it too. Even Wen sometimes sighs too much

Finally some angst and conflict between Jim and Wen

3-3

pls Gaipa's "Na?" with the smile reminded me so much of Ayan

ah more of Jim and Li Ming's conflict

I fully get Jim's concern because what the hell do you mean you're gonna somehow acquire money to go to the US and somehow manage to get work there and then have no plans after that? While having no money, grades, connections, English? But I also get 17-year-old Li Ming who is desperate to get out of this fucking place

omg Li Ming is so fucking teenager. Doesn't tell anything to Uncle Jim because "he's so annoying, all our conversations end in a fight"

Leng and Praew are so cute to me

ah my beautiful Li Ming sitting and gazing out to water

2-4

the fucking chin tickle thing will actually kill me one of these days. Li Ming to Heart, Gun to Tinn, Fourth to Gemini

not Wen inviting Jim to a dinner with his father my goodness

underage drinking ah it's typical but it makes me nervous that it's happening at Heart's home + Li Ming originally got in trouble because of the alcohol

it's so typical teenager, to drink from their parents' alcohol and water it down to make it seem like it hasn't been drunk from. or maybe it's not really typical teenager behavior and is just based on the YA novels I've read but hasn't appeared much in BLs

Heart doesn't even know it's Loy Krathong today

ah happy babies

insane to call Jim as Loong in front of your father

"A hard life over there is better than living here" hmm I guess? maybe? Well actually idk but Li Ming's in a bad position even in Thailand, so I guess only way it can go is up. Just that he'll be lacking a lot of the things he has in Thailand including familiarity, family and support, language

why does Wen keep saying he lives paycheck to paycheck when it's not true?

Well at least Jim calls him out on it

Next year Loy Krathong pinky promise please I'll cry if Li Ming and Heart aren't together for that next year

my beautiful dancing boys T.T

ah Gaipa with his mom

"I can't wait to see who your lover will be" man all the ep 7 clips I've seen have been the characters in black, presumably at Gaipa's mom's funeral fml man and all the talks about how long they'll do this together

Heart and Li Ming sleep over T.T

ah flustered Heart turning away and going to sleep is so reminiscent of when Gun did a similar thing after the eye contact with Tinn scene

the whole entire scene with Wen at home, grabbing a beer that has significance to him and Jim, looking at random things on his phone while smiling - probably something to do with Jim - and then going to the bedroom with Alan sleeping is so aklsdfj I wonder what it would be like to watch this show with little to no knowledge. Not only did I know about Alan, I knew he'd appear at the end of the episode while in bed because 1) people said he was there for 2 seconds and 2) in people's archives, I saw gifs of this scene even though I was trying to avoid these

Ep 4: The Midnight of Lifetime (Mar 2)

4-1

ah my beloved cute heartliming and once again heart pretending he’s not looking at li ming ahhh so cute pretending to sleep

i too love li ming’s eyes so i get heart

the fucking legs what if i died

naurrr Alan’s arm over Wen and Wen just continues to look at him with such contempt. even that 0.2 second glance in the last episode was similar

this Wen and Alan convo so tense my god and yeah they’re still living together but not actually together

First is so freaking beautiful with those glasses and glossy lips

pls not the underage smoking as well tho Li Ming didn’t look experienced

ah fuck ofc everything is so tense between them and Li Ming walks in the moment Jim looks in his drawer

fucking fuck this scene between Li Ming and Uncle Jim killed me so bad

my lovely silly boys heart li ming

also now Heart tickling under Li Ming’s chin is soooo cute

pls Heart being dazed at shirtless wet Li Ming so funny

pls Li Ming is sooo rough teenage boy with the colour complain

2-2

Wen planning a surprise birthday goddamn

beautiful Li Ming with the sweetest face like truly congrats to Fourth for having the face he does

ah so indeed Wen is almost 30

keep calm and eat chicken

Wen really is endlessly persistant and forward lol

ah Wen approaching for a kiss and all Jim can think about is sex with Ben or whatever Papang’s character’s name is rip

beautiful Wen

this fucking cat product PPL pls

I can’t think of Alan objectively as a character like I’m just delighted to see First

ah what did Alan do without asking Wen that broke them?

also Alan really going to Gong to ask about Wen’s relationship status lol

4-3

ahh Alan in banking sees the man from Wen’s IG story. He’s interacting with Jim already knowing about him negatively and as a rival while Jim’s clueless

sucks that Jim can’t get a loan rip

please Gaipa and his mom are so delightful

mom supportive of gay love for a liiiiittle bit of aroacephobia lol i’m gonna choose to ignore it bc maybe she didn’t mean it that way

i fucking love Gaipa and his mom I’m gonna be so mad sad when she dies

the show is going by so fast, it was September in ep 1 and then Halloween time October in ep 2, Loy Khratong was in November in 2022 for ep 3, not almost Christmas for ep 4

Heart’s parents really speak 1 sentence to him a day and like they’re so uninterested in his life that he just has Li Ming in hiding and they suspect nothing

Heart Li Ming so cuteeee what if I died

I have a class and then a project meeting so I can’t watch part 4 for like 2 hours what if i was a villain

4-4

I ate while watching this so I didn't write anything but it's just

(Fave) all the way through

I loved the way we got to see Li Ming take Heart to the mass for deaf people, got a little info sharing PSA about life and treatment of deaf people, and then that old man's answer was the throughline for the other storylines like Alan Wen Jim, Gaipa and his mom, Leng and Praew, and ofc Heart Li Ming themselves

Also, so far, my love for First kept overtaking any other feelings I could have about the character in the first 3 parts because I kept seeing him but in this part, Alan has started to take a stronger form. At that store, that was little bitchy Alan

Also, the pawn shop form... Leng sold the gold necklace lol I knew that was a possibility as soon as Jim told him not to sell it. I wonder what he's gonna do with the money? Spending it on baby related stuff is one thing, I just hope he didn't put it in the lotto stuff

Also, I get why they didn't translate Heart's signing in the first 2 episodes to make us go through the same things as Li Ming but now that Li Ming understand Heart, we should be getting translations. It's like [speaking a foreign language] when the main character is also not supposed to understand is fine but saying that isn't fine when everybody in the conversation is supposed to understand the language. By ep 4, Li Ming understands and communicates with Heart and what Heart says back should be understood by the audience.

Ep 5: Wrong You In The Right Time (Mar 3)

5-1

(Fave) ahh cute 1st year anniversary Wen and Alan

they gaveth me FirstMix and then they taketh it away T.T

so they were together for 5 years but by Feb 2022, they were broken up and living together as 'friends' and Wen's reasoning was just falling out of love

oh fuckkkkkkk AlanWen slept together after breaking up bc Alan kept initiating and Wen says he felt bad for Alan, that's why they slept together rip fr

ahhh not Alan being like come here, I'll dress your wound. girl you caused it?

This confusingly civil conversation at the table like idek, Wen does even know, Alan doesn't even know

I guess Wen's keeping it civil till he can actually move out

bro Gaipa, don't give your mother's land as collateral to Jim to get a loan to buy out the restaurant T.T mans doesn't love you

messy as Li Ming, first shouting out Gaipa and now Wen to come to the same table with him and Jim

I think this part gave me like 7000 emotional damage

5-2

plss Li Ming asking Jim about Wen and saying he seems like an okay guy

last part was just so much emotional damage but now Heart and Li Ming are so cute and adorable >.<

Engineering or Com Sci <- lmfao Heart is my friend group except for the one person who is doing bio

agh Heart's mother not letting him go to school anymore

they're sooo cute in their big costumes T.T also Heart-Gemini reminds me of Barcode here, so cute

cute beloved Heart having fun with his drink

lmfao Li Ming is such trouble, mentioning to Wen that now Gaipa works at the restaurant

Wen being like wow these bitches gay

Li Ming so funny getting involved in Wen's gay business and then involving Wen in his own gay business

Alan and Jim at the bank goddamn Alan was tryna kill Jim with his stare and also is he suspicious that the title deed is actually fake or something?

"I wasn't aware I was taking it" "That's alright. Now that you're aware, just return what you took from me" sure is some dialogue my god

5-3

I need to seek help, Alan's being a dick but he had a little pout at 1:40 and I've died my beloved beautiful First ah

lol Wen seeing Jim ignore his call

lol "We broke up but live together. no biggie" about Alan who came to cause a scene at the restaurant is certainly a choice

no I get Jim fr though like I am not gonna be involved in this mess, thank you and goodbye

I thought Wen lived with Alan out of some sort of necessity but it really doesn't even seem to be the case. He's just unable to really let go and just leave for real?

not this beef and chicken convo. with them both having teary eyes

oof Wen losing his feelings probably had at least something to do with him eating beef despite him not liking it because Alan does (ie. making accommodations for Alan to his own detriment?)

damn Wen even saying he was also hoping they could work it out

P'Aof sighting

bro Wen even had some promise ring or something still? they really had such a murky relationship

ah they've finally really truly broken up i guess. also Alan really now knows that even if there was no Jim, Wen wouldn't love him again

also did Alan really not do anything? idk what was being hinted at last episode

5-4

Leng calling Li Ming nong rak

oh yeah Leng sold the gold chain, right?

not the gay couple in the gay chicken restaurant

H <3 and Ming :)

I'm so nervous bc they're gonna get into a motorcycle crash soon ah

bro I feel like you'd need special training to teach a deaf person how to ride a motorcycle bro tf and Li Ming doesn't have a license either

girl, not the crash and Shit! from Li Ming

Heart injured his hand ahh

I don't wanna watch this conversation with Heart's parents, Jim all present

okay good I thought they'd just get mad at Li Ming but I'm glad Heart's also getting to say his piece

(Fave) The conversation between Heart and his mother facilitated by Li Ming... his mom literally having to hear all of Heart's frustrations and thoughts through this kid they've known for a few months because she hasn't learned to communicate with him for 3 years

I didn't realize originally that Heart seemed hopeful for one second when his mother started doing hand gestures but then rolled his eyes when he realized it was her signing

sad Heart T.T

Li Ming so teenager once again like he was correct to me in the sneaking Heart out but letting him drive the motorcycle was too much and the way he was like you don't have to help me, I'll take responsibility because I'm grown to Jim is so teenager but also I get it because while Jim tries to support Li Ming in his own way, he’s constantly opposing all of Li Ming’s choices and decisions and hopes

This episode was just so much emotional damage and also really realizing just how much every other relationship is more interesting than Wen and Jim. Whether it be our side couples, Li Ming with Jim or Wen, Alan and Wen, Alan and Jim, Gaipa and his mom, Heart and his parents. Gaipa and Jim are meh as well because it's just awkward how much Jim doesn't reciprocate while Gaipa's trying so hard but it's meant to be that way.

Also I wish I knew how long Li Ming has lived with his uncle. Jim’s missteps are more understandable if it’s been like just a year and he wasn’t prepared to parent/be the guardian of a teenager rather than if it’s been like 5-6 years.

Ep 6: The Walk to Forgive and Forget (Mar 4)

6-1

she really knows nothing about her son my goodness

kinda parallels about Li Ming telling Heart's mom that actually Heart's quite communicative because Li Ming tells Jim nothing but is communicative with Wen

oof, yeah I read a comment (on discord?) that Jim's ex died

6-2

oof Alan's immature to not be able to just process Jim's loan but at least he told Jim to go elsewhere rather than sabotage it - and he was right when he was like why is Jim coming to my bank instead of any other?

ah fuck Gaipa confession, I don't wanna watch this

not Gaipa's teary eyes ah and drinking water and avoiding eye contact T.T

bro not Gaipa literally wiping off his tears and everything and Jim also returning the title deed when tf will this scene be done I can't, like I'm watching it via my peripherals

"Come on, we already talked about this" Wen is so funny because he finally left Alan where he consistently had to be like no romantic relationship to go to Jim's who keeps telling him I don't want a romantic relationship

damn Jim fr the other man

"We just fell in love with a selfish man" ah. I do find it somewhat refreshing when characters talk frankly about a dead person rather than put them on a pedestal because they're dead

6-4

Heart and Li Mingggg

ah pls Li Ming is so excited at Heart's voice like my guy what do you mean how can he speak T.T He used to speak as his main form of communication till 3 years ago

I've been looking forward to "You're poor and now you're gay too" since starting the show and finally Jim has seen them kiss

pls Heart Li Ming sooo cute

not Alan wearing both the rings

oh mans was drunk driving

Ep 7: My Heart Represents the Moon (Mar 5)

7-1

ah fuck Wen as Alan's caregiver is so... does Alan not have family nearby?

ah so he wasn't drunk driving, he was sitting at the back of someone's motorcycle while drunk

okayyy so Alan's sister is here, nice

Alan and Wen are decent and nice but working on extracting each other from themselves

naurrr sad Gaipa

adfsjlkasfj Gaipa's tears around Jim T.T

pls Gaipa's already so sad but at least his mom's there - soon she's gonna die T.T

ah Li Ming and his mom's conversation here and their different demeanours compared to MSP despite being the same people is so good

wait does Jim know his sister's in the house? no, right?

ah this discussion between Jim and Li Ming... interestingly, he didn't yell at Jim at all. was just so apathetic to Jim's scolding like bro who cares

I once again wonder how long Jim's had Li Ming. he's so unable to have a decent conversation with him or navigate any topic

7-2

no like Jim is cruel to Li Ming but that stems from the fact that he can foresee these conversations by society and his sister. He defends Li Ming to his sister saying he did nothing wrong but he acts that way with Li Ming because his life just got harder

okay she said Jim raised Li Ming. that's too long for Jim to not have figured out some sort of way to navigate conversations with him

ah his sister is kinda bribing Jim to convince Li Ming to go with her by giving him the title deed

ah so they do touch on abortion just a bit but since Praew's parents said they'll support the child, it's okay

so will we also talk about the pawn shop certificate or no

None of Wen's friends are gay? Gong's straight? oh wait he has a gf that we literally saw, I forgot but still idk why I was fully convinced he liked men as well

so indeed Jim spells out that he can accept Li Ming but is just worried about him because of the state of gay acceptance

another marriage equality PSA and also a mention of the dinosaurs dying - like in MSP ep 12 also

lol the convo about Wen chasing Jim for the longest and being like I might disappear one day you know like you know if this a longer series, it probably would be that way

7-3

why are all the interactions in this show so fun like I love Gaipa and Leng so much, just teasing each other non stop and causing problems

Gaipaaaaa T.T Gaipa's mom T.T

omg she was only 49 years old? that's too young

lmfao not the Gaipa and Alan meeting pls like I've been conflicted about the possibility ever since The Eclipse aired and KhaoFirst became popular and became aware that this happened when the last 2 eps came out but I just... how do I feel about it? like if this weren't KhaoFirst but just the characters themselves

okayyyy Heart's mom is speaking to him using sign as well

Heart Li Ming my loves actually like I love them so bad

Jim's not vocal approval but he's laid up on Li Ming as well

bro Beam's family also such dickheads. Beam had all the bank accounts and stuff in his name and so his family took it all

this Alan and Jim convo is so exhausting and I'm not even a part of it

7-4

ah so Li Ming's been with Jim for 5-6 years

ahhh shy Li Ming after saying that he loves Lung Jim T.T

lmfao Li Ming being offering beer by Jim

Jim and Li Ming lovely convo that didn't devolve into fighting, so true

being told "he knows how to jack off" by my uncle in front of my mother would actually send me into an early grave like i'd just pass away

anyway, I hope they support Li Ming's decisions in the future

happy Li Ming having happy dinner with his mom and Jim >.<

(Fave) damn the singing as Gaipa's crying is actually killing me wtf I teared up for the first time while watching this show

Also the dynamics of the funeral arewild because it's consistently Gaipa-Jim and Alan-Wen paired up with even some occasional crossover like Jim and Alan

Wen returning the apartment keys to Alan ah

damn this ep is end of so many chapters, including the Moonlight Chicken lease being up

Ep 8: The Self-Made House and Home (Mar 5/6)

I'm gonna need to take a break from shows for a few days after this show because why am I starting this ep instead of doing my assignment due tomorrow, doing my interview prep for tomorrow, getting some sleep since it's 12AM?

8-1

Yeah, both Jim and mom are worried about Li Ming but let's support him even if the world doesn't

I watched the title credits finally and yeah after listening to the song a few tmes in the show, it's a good one. I should add it to Spotify later

Li Ming and mom touching times aw

goodbye to Moonlight Chicken restaurant

8-2

Alan being okay with leaving behind the photos of their anniversary behind to show that he's finally moving on actually

so Heart's also going to America for university for deaf people - I did get spoiled that they're both going to the states but wasn't sure why Heart's gonig

ah parallels of Li Ming and Heart at the temple to back when Jim and Beam were were praying there

pls Li Ming saying "But I didn't copy you for sure" to Jim is so cute and funny

ah Jim being explicitly supportive of Li Ming T.T

I love Jim and Li Ming so much now T.T

watched first 2 parts, time to go to sleep now. 40 more minutes left for tomorrow.

Bro here I'm back almost 24 hours later after an interview, an assignment submitted, and another one discussed sigh

8-3

2 months later

Alan Gaipa everybody's beloveds, convince me too since KhaoFirst are my beloveds

well at least it's been 2 months since they first met and have had some time to get over their previous love/crush and develop affection for the new person

not Alan asking for Gaipa's chatID T.T shocked Gaipa like kab? and Alan terribly covering his ass talking bout some headquarter documents

not Alan's pen again lmfao

oh, he's got a food truck now

ah Leng, he's beloved to me too

8-4

oh we're getting a lot of resolutions in these last 30 mins I guess like we're going to Jim's sister's house and also Alan's gonna show up at the food truck

ah Jim introduces Wen as his boyfriend finally

I fucking love Li Ming's teeny nods like I first noticed it when he was talking with Wen in 3-3 where they were talking about Work and Travel at 9:40 I think? (after I wanna work and get paid for it) and now at 3:52/3:53 he gives the smallest nod like idk if it's a Fourth habit or if it's just something for Li Ming (since I don't know if Gun does it? I at least didn't notice it). omg again at 5:46 here

Li Ming talking to his mom about America and also she hasn't said anything bout Heart but I know she realizes

Heart and the child ahhhhh so cute

I still don't fully get the deal with Heart's speaking beyond deaf people sometimes are uncomfortable speaking when they can't hear themselves

Li Ming and Heart my beloveds

Jim supportive of Li Ming's America dream T.T lending him 30k baht T.T and going with him to sign documents and stuff

no it's so funny like Alan and Gaipa are meeting to 'discuss documents' at Jim's food truck

asdklf not Gaipa not even knowing about Alan and Wen omg

pls Alan about to wither away vs Gaipa early being like join us for dinner ^.^ without knowing the history

Leng is so meddlesome heh I continue to love Leng and Gaipa ahhh

ah everybody at this food truck including Heart-Liming, Alan-Gaipa, Leng-Praew with daughter

cute mini endings - hopeful for everybody

ah Wen did reject the job promotion

added the song to spotify, it's good

Overall:

It's a good one! High quality with good acting and interesting storylines that are unique in BL. It didn't hit me as hard as it seemed to hit some other people though and I'm not thinking about it much at all since finishing. I think Jim/Wen's relationship was one of the weakest aspects of the show to me because I didn't care nor did I really feel anything.

I loved Heart and Li Ming, I enjoyed getting to see Jim grow and also how his relationship with Li Ming changed, I liked getting to see Wen and Alan's flashbacks and to present tense relationship, I like Gaipa showing up once in a while to be bright, I thought Gaipa and Leng's interactions were funny, I loved Li Ming as a character so much, I wished to be him so badly.

Rating: 7/10

Tiktoks

Ep 2 HeartLiming (bg: Little Freak)

[Fave] TinnGun x HeartLiming (bg: About You by The 1975)

Mix and First characters

HeartLiming Dancing - not answering phone (bg: Fly Me To The Moon)

heartliming this is gay - pink shirt

li ming learning sign for heart

heartliming vs the world - compilation 

Gaipa and his cool mom 

Ep 1 - 5 Li Ming (bg: i’m so sick of seventeen)

Trailers

New Trailer:

I watched the reaction with the cast and the trailer itself was okay, though it gave away too much, but it was fun seeing the cast being excited

Mock Trailer:

I've watched parts of this before but I hadn't actually watched it fully I think? Good enough for a mock trailer, definitely gave interesting story threads without giving too much away.

[heathersdesk]

The comments and reblogs on this are incredible. I must add all the most unhinged things I've encountered at church for our show:

Two different old women in two different testimony meetings, in two different countries, who bore nearly identical testimonies that one of her grandchildren were unable to pee, received a priesthood blessing, then were able to pee. Which I suppose isn't that weird, but what are the odds of me being there twice?

Also, the guy who bore testimony that he knew God answered prayers because he and his wife donated all their area rugs to DI in preparation for their move. But then they regretted it and went back to get the rugs back and they were still there.

The woman I met while serving as a temple worker, who previously served in the leadership in the Las Vegas Temple. She told me that couples having affairs would meet up at the temple to fornicate in the bathrooms. Also, having to replace all the toilets to remove the tank on the back because people were using them to sell drugs.

The testimony meeting on Easter Sunday that was totally derailed by the bishop rebuking the youth for not going to Seminary. Seemingly every adult in the room (with the exception of myself) then proceeded to bear their testimony ON EASTER SUNDAY about the importance of the youth attending Seminary.

The guy who was invited to speak during the Christmas program who insisted that the 3 wise men were actually the 3 Nephites. "You heard it here first," became the inside joke for years afterwards because of it.

The family who all lived on a multigenerational compound in the woods. They had an autistic son, and the mom openly shared "vaccines cause autism" articles on the ward Facebook group. The dad was out of control politically and would foment right wing talking points at every opportunity. He went off too aggressively in testimony meeting one time and his autistic son (a teenager) tried to bear his testimony on "families." It involved calling "all you gay goobers" to repent, and immediately being told by the bishop to go sit down, as he argued the whole time because he didn't understand what he was doing wrong. The lady who was confirmed a new member *that day* never came back.

The time that same unit tried to call me into Primary against my will. They wanted me to be the chorister and all I did, before we moved out of the ward, was to show up to observe for a single Sunday and accidentally dumped the entire gospel art kit on the floor.

The time the bishopric tried to say that no one but the deacons could touch the sacrament trays. It necessitated tiny little boys reaching down long rows of people trying to reach everyone. It lasted for two weeks before the stake president put a stop to it.

My husband informed me that he had a companion who treated pooping his pants as a rite of passage on the mission, that it was something totally normal and unavoidable... and then it happened to him. Like, that has to be something genetic in his family that he didn't discover wasn't happening to everyone else until his mission. Also, I've never asked where they were at the time. I'm happier not knowing.

The time my companion took two doses of laxative 18 hours apart (because the first dose "didn't work"—NEVER DO THAT) and proceeded to be incapable of leaving the toilet for an entire day. I played her favorite MoTab choir song on repeat to give her some privacy, and myself some relief, from hearing what was happening to her in there.

The time a bishop wanted to reschedule a baptism whose date had been set for a month because he wanted to go to somebody's birthday party.

The guys on my mission who started withholding and throwing away my mail because I told on them for going on dates to the race track with some of the inactive YW in my ward. They filmed themselves doing it on the mission phone, which I showed to the mission president within the first two minutes of him handing it to me—because at the time, if you wanted to know what your area was going to be like, the mission phone would tell you that. The more pizza place numbers and stupid videos on the phone, the longer nobody there had been working at all. I watched my mission President go through all five stages of grief right in front of me. He taught me a new word in Portuguese ("Burrisimo.") That was what he said when he saw that one of the Elders at the race track was a zone leader in another area. Another was on a mission in Venezuela. He was going to let that one go, but that Elder kept calling us in the middle of the night to talk to the elders he thought were still in the area. I could've just blocked his number, but he woke me up one too many times. Nobody wakes me up without experiencing my wrath. So I told my mission president and he blew up a small corner of Venezuela where that Elder stood. Somewhere out there, there are an untold number of Brazilian men still missing part of their rear ends because of me.

The ward I was in at BYU where I could never find a place to sit because of all the people who saved seats for their roommates and attended church with the people they were dating. I ended up sitting on the floor more than once and nobody thought that was a problem.

The time my ward, which had two sets of missionaries (Elders and Sisters) because of how large the area was, completely stopped feeding the Sisters at all. Upon investigating, it became apparent the Elders had all of the dinner appointments. No one wanted to feed the Sisters because one of them was Celiac and the Elders didn't see why that was a problem and just let it continue so they wouldn't have to cook for themselves. I told them they weren't eating at our house again until they fixed it and split the dinner appointments more equitably. Then we only fed the Sisters until we moved because I meant that shit.

The time when I was a Sunday School teacher and I was sitting behind a family with a new baby. She was so cute. I offered her my chalk holder to play with, and she baby shark chomped down on it and wouldn't give it back. It was very cute. I tried to take it from her to no avail, which was even funnier. The harder I pulled, the more she bit down. Everyone around us was laughing at my plight, unbeknownst to her parents. Eventually, I pulled it free WITH TWO HANDS. By that point, everyone around me was doubled over in laughter.

Her brother then had to be taken out of sacrament meeting for making noise. As he was being carried out, he yelled "WEEEE WOOO WEEEE WOOOOO, IT'S AN EMERGENCY" at the top of his lungs while the Sacrament was being passed.

The lady with schizophrenia, who attended church with her caretaker, was convinced she was related to one of the Elders from The Saratov Approach. She would go up to the stand to bear her testimony, usually about being related to the Elder from The Saratov Approach. And if person before her spoke too long, she would tell the bishopric "I'M GOING TO GO SIT DOWN BECAUSE THEY'RE TALKING TOO MUCH" at the top of her voice before leaving the stand to go sit down. I loved her so much.

My sister (not LDS) works at an outdoor outfitter and mentioned seeing some missionaries in the store on a day that wasn't P-day. I made a joke about them breaking the rules and she was delighted to have caught them doing something wrong. When she mentioned the only thing they bought was a fishing lure, I said it could've been an object lesson. She was like "How do you teach about Jesus with a fishing lure?" My husband grabbed hold of that and said "We can invite our missionaries over and they can show you." She thought that was awesome and came down to eat with us when they showed up, waiting for her lesson, AND THEN THEY DIDN'T DO IT.

Now when she sees them where she works, she asks in a loud voice "Does the president know you're here?" Which scares them half to death and looks incredibly bizarre to anyone who witnesses it.

Nothing will ever be funnier to me than a random LDS guy from Arizona dressing up in a gladiator costume so Captain Moroni would be at the January 6th riots.

We are funny and ridiculous enough on our own without our having to script anything stranger. I need the LDS version of Parks and Rec. It's what we all deserve.

the secret lives of mormon wives is so silly to me because you could genuinely make a good sitcom/reality show about a regular Utah LDS ward. you wouldn't have to find the most extreme examples of crazy people that misrepresent the group as a whole. you wouldn't have to portray the church as good or bad or anything other than a setting in which people live their lives.

some episode premise ideas:

the young women have to babysit 30 kids at once so that their parents can go to ward temple night

the ward Halloween party planning committee

the primary program

a land dispute between ward members that should absolutely be resolved in civil court and not by the bishop (based on personal experience)

girls camp/scout camp

ward choir

fast Sunday and testimony meeting

zucchini season

and you could have so many fun characters like the mother of 8 children (who, of course, have increasingly ridiculous names), the overly enthusiastic ward chorister, the beleaguered primary president, the extremely controversial bishop, the political old man, the closeted righteous teen and their budding relationship with the teen who's completely over it??? come ON it would be so good

[akmu-archives]

[140410] ['Raise Your Voice High!'] Article by Woman Chosun

As the lyrics of an anime theme song goes, the two brother and sister musicians who are ‘not pretty but lovely’ have returned. Suhyun and Chanhyuk, the behind-the-scenes stories before and after their debut as they became Akdong Musician.

Do you remember the sibling duo Akdong Musician who came from Mongolia? These two friends captivated the audience two years ago with their unique lyrics, unconventional looks, and kind voices. They recently released their first full-length album and revealed their inner selves through an essay. From homeschooling in Mongolia to becoming real "celebrities" after the audition, listen to their story.

Ugly?

Akdong Musician's appearance has as much "impact" as their music. First, they don't look like identical artificial humans, and second, it's surprising how cute and lovable their slanted eyes and protruding mouths can be. Above all, they're firmly against cosmetic surgery.

"My nose is very small. People send me pictures of flat-nosed ugly dolls, saying, 'Suhyun, there's someone who looks just like you.' But what can I do, even I think the ugly doll’s nose looks very similar to mine! One day, President Yang Hyun-suk also laughed and said, 'Suhyun, your nose...?'. I was surprised and stood there, and he said, 'It's really cute.' That's a relief. He didn't say that I'm ugly like everyone else does, but that I'm cute because my nose is small." (Suhyun)

Chanhyuk has been wearing glasses since he made it to the finals. It's not because he has bad eyesight. He thinks they are the 'high point' of fashion in their own way. He also says that they are like a frame that brings out different aspects of himself and captures them like a work of art.

"I wear glasses because I think they make me look much cooler on stage, but also as I want to look a little more like a musician than I do now. At the age of 18, the word 'musician' still doesn't feel familiar to me. [...] Of course, my eyesight is as good as a Mongolian eagle, so glasses are just the accessories on my face. What I need is a frame to put my image in. At some point, the number of frames gradually increased, reaching 40. During that time, I met a variety of people and showed myself over 40 sides of myself." (Chanhyuk)

Have You Ever Tried Homeschooling in Mongolia?

Two years ago, Akdong Musician was in the spotlight with their unique music style and unconventional looks. A columnist at that time interpreted their free-spirited musical world as "the bottom line is free-range." It's true. How could the emotions of these two who rode horses and ran through the grasslands while being homeschooled instead of going to school and attending academies be bland? It is undeniable that their out-of-the-box thinking was the musical nourishment of Akdong Musician.

"It didn't take long for me to realize that not going to school is not all good. If you avoid doing something just because you don't want to, it becomes even more difficult! [...] In conclusion, studying at home is a dozen times harder than studying at school. [...] What I realized after dropping out of school is that school isn't such a bore after all. How ironic!" (Suhyun)

Chanhyuk, who had an ordinary school life in Korea until the 5th grade of elementary school, found himself in the situation(?) of attending MK School in Ulaanbaatar, Mongolia the following year. However, his worries were just temporary. It was only a matter of time for him to adapt to Mongolia, the land of Genghis Khan and the grasslands.

"My Dad wanted to come to Mongolia so much that he persuaded my Mom for five years, convinced us by telling stories about Mongolia. My parents came to Mongolia with a 'missionary' purpose, but I followed them without knowing anything. It was the same for Suhyun. [...] The landscape of our family's travels also changed. On weekends, when the uncles I knew came to pick up my family to go play in the meadow, we would get in the car and drive through the field. It was as if the earth was round, I ran and ran across the fields as if I would meet the whole world if I kept going forward." (Chanhyuk)

Dad, a warm and friend-like presence

'It was a sight that I couldn't have imagined within the framework of what I understood about Chanhyuk. I realized that I had misunderstood Chanhyuk before.' This was what Akdong Musician’s father Lee Seunggeun said in an interview with a daily newspaper. It seems like the father was quite surprised by seeing his son's lively presence on TV. However, if you listen to Chanhyuk's story, you can see that it is his father's interest and love what makes him who he is today.

"In truth, all this time, I've been writing novels and composing music just to see my Dad feel happy. Every time, my Dad would look at me with eyes full of expectation, which gave me infinite courage. So I wanted to work harder, more and more, to do well every moment. […] My Dad's compliments are filled with sincerity. In the past, his praises were just at the level of 'Good', but this time, he pointed out specific things about each part of the song I sang, like the finishing touches were good, the sound was good, and so on. My Dad said he was living alone in Mongolia, and would watch the parts we appeared in repeatedly at night when he came home. On my dad's SNS, there were posts about me every day.

'Amazing, amazing, amazing.'" (Chanhyuk)

Dreaming of Music

A girl dreaming of Berkeley College of Music, a boy who didn't even know he had a talent for composing. The younger sister with a clear dream and the older brother who couldn't figure out his future were unknowingly sharing one intersection called music. Moreover, since they are siblings bonded by blood, there couldn't be a better compatibility than this.

"Is there any place on this planet where you can't go even if you say you want to? Even if it's a difficult place like Berkeley, I wouldn't cave in. I thought that one should always aim high when it comes to college or dreams, and Berkeley was the highest goal I could reach. When a goal had been set in my mind, I would draw a picture of it." (Suhyun)

Unlike Suhyun, who said she would go to Berkeley College of Music no matter what anyone said, Chanhyuk unknowingly had music ingrained in his body. He learned the guitar watching his dad, who played it so well that his hands were full of calluses. Then, after listening to a song composed by an older brother he knew, he thought, 'Should I give it a try too?' And that became the beginning of his composition. As his family continued to encourage him, Chanhyuk realized. 'Ah, I guess I’m good at something too.'

"Since I started composing, I have welcomed a new life. They were just songs I made just as they came to mind, yet they were met with reactions from my parents that were truly 'big bang.' Especially after dinner, my Dad said he wanted to hear our songs as a dessert. [...]

When I opened my eyes to music like this, melodies that were hiding somewhere inside me came out of my head as if they had found an exit. It seemed like there were so many songs hidden in my heart, since wasn't it true that I had had a lot to say all this time? Some days, I even received song orders from my friends. "Don’t cross your legs, how about that?" (Chanhyuk)

I Want to Become a Hardworking Genius

"It is said that a genius cannot defeat a hardworking person, and a hardworking person cannot defeat someone who enjoys what they do. Effort is always a necessary condition for success," says Akdong Musician.

"Before, I didn't know what it meant to work hard. I thought it was different from just doing what you like, that studying was what it meant to work hard. [...] A hardworking person must succeed. That's what makes the world fair! It is said that everyone in the world is born with some amount of talent. To make the most of that talent, you've got to work hard. [...] Only by putting in effort would you become something in the future. I am optimistic about my future. I love my practice room more than anything else, as if it were my own home!" (Suhyun)

YG Entertainment, home to Big Bang and 2NE1, became Akdong Musician's new home. In their early days, they attended concerts by Daesung of Big Bang, who was also known within the team for his entertainment skills. On that day, Chanhyuk confessed that he saw a 'charismatic' Daesung, not the 'funny' Daesung. Witnessing firsthand how Daesung captivated the audience made him realize the tangible results of hard work and sweat.

"After <K-Pop Star> was over, while we were still swept up in the excitement of victory, Suhyun and I went to Japan with CEO Yang Hyunsuk and Lee Hi. It was to attend Big Bang Daesung's concert. Perhaps because we went with the CEO, our seats were in the VIP section on the second floor. [...] To sum it up in a word, I was literally in 'brain freeze' mode. Until then, our stages had always been modest and small. It was the first time I fully felt what it truly meant to dominate a stage, and what it meant to communicate with fans." (Chanhyuk)

Source: 악동뮤지션의 못 다한 이야기

[switchywitchy]

7 years ago today, I got married.

A lot has happened since then, and I’m having a lot of feelings lately (but especially today) that I’m not sure how to work though. So, I guess when in doubt, get the words out of your head- make them real- and maybe they’ll start to make more sense.

Let’s flash back further than 7 years ago- let’s flash back over 20 years ago, to when my mom divorced my dad. Back then, and in the years that followed, my mom would swing between extremes; she either waxed on about how the love of her life “died in the desert” (my dad was in Desert Storm and suffered a tremendous amount of PTSD), and that the man she divorced wasn’t the man she fell in love with, or she would spit at the sound of his name and tell us what a terrible father and person he is- and how lucky we are to be with her instead.

As the years passed, she was married and divorced three more times. Including her marriage prior to my dad, she has been married and divorced an impressive five times.

I remember being a 10,12,16 year old child thinking “I’ll only ever get married once. So if I want to get married, I have to be sure I can be with that person forever.” (Thankfully, this way of thinking turned out to be temporary.)

But I digress- this isn’t about my mother, or how her selfishness, narcissism, and outright abuse helped shape my development.

In 2015 I quit my job in Florida and moved to D.C., where I planned on starting a life and career for myself outside the reach of my mother, and my ex “C” who had an annoying habit of finding me no matter where I seemed to go). I was there for two months and was barely scraping by with my new job, I didn’t have any friends, and in a desperate attempt to make some I tried searching for human connection through an app.

That ended up being a terrible idea, when I was assaulted by one of the very people I wanted to make friends with.

I was ready to leave, even if it meant going back to my mother. Instead, the weekend before I was set to move, I met “J” and found someone who was kind, thoughtful, handsome- he made me feel safe. And I threw myself wholly into becoming part of his narrative, not caring what parts of me where overshadowed and left to wither.

I knew him for four months before I decided to move to Ohio with him.

His family- while surprised- welcomed me with open arms and did their best to make me feel loved and like I belonged there. They constantly said how great I was for J, and how blessed they were to have me in the family.

J and I got an apartment together, then two cats. When he proposed in December of 2015 I said yes- completely ignoring all the red flags to that point. We had fought before about him feeling insecure with how many sexual partners I’d had, that I wasn’t Christian (though I did attend church with him), that I was taking anti-depressants when instead I should let the congregation pray over me to exorcise the demon of depression. He hated the fact that I’m attracted to all genders, not just men.

In 2016 we got married anyway. I look back on my wedding photos and see how happy I look, and I remember how happy I felt to be surrounded by my family and friends, and to be starting a new chapter of my life.

He got me a little white schnauzer as a wedding gift. Luna. I had to leave her and her brother, Merlin, in Ohio when I left; something I haven’t truly come to terms with (if the overwhelming knot in my throat and the hot tears stinging my eyes are any indication).

Donald Trump became president that year, and J dove hard into the MAGA life. He drank more- going through an entire bottle of moonshine a night. He watched Fox News at all hours of the day, and when he wasn’t watching it he was listening to the hosts podcasts and YouTube channels. His behavior turned more and more aggressive, and I drifted further and further away into myself while trying to pretend like everything was fine.

As the presidency progressed, so did J’s paranoia. His behavior escalated and I got more and more lost.

He started demanding sex and acting in ways that triggered my trauma responses. He actively dismissed my feelings and requests to go to therapy. In his words- if we weren’t going to church to seek help through God, we weren’t going to therapy.

In 2019 I was jobless, and was drinking a handle of whiskey every three days just to cope. That year, my youngest sibling committed suicide, and then my grandfather passed away. Things got worse.

Enter the pandemic. Being locked in with him during quarantine gave me lots of time to think. I had completely lost sight of myself. I was depressed, miserable, suffering internally feeling alone and isolated from my family, my friends, my life. I decided I had to get out. I stopped drinking and started applying for jobs.

I got a job May 23, 2021, two days after my 5 year anniversary. The weekend of our anniversary I spend the last of my savings on a “Save-Our-Marriage” weekend getaway, where I earnestly tried to reconnect and get him to try and understand my feelings- ultimately I was unsuccessful and the weekend was awful.

I told J I wanted a separation. He begged me to stay, and ended up agreeing to therapy (as long as I paid for it) as a last-ditch attempt to keep our marriage intact.

I tried, friends. I really did. Did I think it would work, honestly? No I didn’t think it would. I had mostly made up my mind, but I couldn’t in good conscience leave without trying one more time.

I searched and found a therapist that specialized in couples, had an extensive history with trauma patients, and who (as a bonus for J) was very faith-centered. Eight months of therapy left us no closer to reconciling- if anything he was angrier than before and was trying desperately to get any sort of rise from me even if it was negative.

I rented a POD, made the plans to stay with a friend, and told J the time had come and I was leaving. I packed myself and the cats, and left.

I ended up staying with a friend and her husband for four months (which ultimately turned out to be a mistake, but that’s a story for another day). In those four months, J blew my phone up every day with calls and texts, first begging me to come back then cursing me for leaving. He tried to manipulate me, destroyed my personal property, and held a family heirloom “hostage”. We filed for divorce, which was granted last August.

Now, it’s the day that would have been my 7th marriage anniversary, and here I am, divorced. I’m not upset about being divorced, but I am feeling melancholy about what could have been? I dunno, friends. My life has changed so much, and I do feel more like myself. I don’t feel lost anymore (well, I do a little, but I think everyone feels that way), but I still feel like things are unresolved.

I need to learn from this and move forward. But what is the lesson to be learned here? To not lose sight of yourself? To learn which situations to avoid to protect myself? That we have to leave important things behind in order to be happy?

I don’t know anymore.

I’m sure this feeling will pass, but for now I’m trying to sit with these feelings and make space for them, instead of burying or running from them.

I’m gonna splurge on a burger, put on Treasure Planet, and make smoke. Things will get better, and they won’t stay like this forever. Sorry for the long post, and if you stuck around and read this much, thank you- it makes me feel a little less alone.

-Switchy

[shitstheysaid]

This may be out-of-brand, random, and quite a long read, but please spare some time to read. I just want to share with all of you who stayed in this blog despite my frequent long absences, that I am from the Philippines. Yesterday, May 9, we had our national elections that will decide the 17th president of this country. And it was rigged. The son of the dictator who ruled this country in terror for 20 years was said to have won. Blatant misinformation drives through all these years that repainted the martial law as the golden years of this country, and the commission of elections fucked us up, and now I'm terrified. The elections were sold long before it even began.

You know how fucked up it felt when Trump got elected? That's how we feel rn except that this is much, much worse because Marcos Jr. is an actual useless elitist git with prior multiple tax evasion cases, a liar, and was actually jobless for the last 6 years since he lost when he ran for the vice-presidential seat. He presented no platform during his campaign and refused to join debates that will clear up his aims for the country against the other aspirants. There are hundred thousands of unaccounted deaths and still missing and tortured during Marcos' martial law. His family has 7 counts of graft and corruption cases against them and an outstanding 203B pesos debt on estate taxes. In addition to this, the stolen wealth from all the years they reigned is yet to be completely recovered. The debt created by their regime is still being paid by this generation and the next. That famous ridiculous woman who owns thousands of shoes named Imelda Marcos? That's his mom. He is backed by oligarchs, troll farms and fanatics who nearly treat him as king.

The vice presidential seat that is separately elected here, was given (I refuse to believe that they are actually elected) to the daughter of the current president whose most prominent legacy is the deaths caused by his war against drugs. She was equally brutal in her leadership as the mayor of her hometown.

The other front-runner in the presidential race Marcos was up against was a woman who sowed hope to all of us. Leni Robredo made me believe in radical love. As the then vice-president, she spearheaded countless efforts against COVID-19 and other natural disasters. She became the beacon of hope and shone a light on the goodness we can offer to our nation. It may sound fanatical, but it's so far from that. It's even the other way around. Her campaign birthed a monumental movement of volunteerism. She made us feel that there is still a possibility of a government that genuinely cares for us and is willing to listen. For the first time in my life, I actually care about my country. Not just in passing, but I really felt it from within me.

But now we are going to be under another Marcos again. And I'm terrified and heartbroken for my country.

People are vigilant. The youth is reeling in anger. Some are even out in the streets, protesting against this incoming administration. But I fear that it is to a lost cause. The proclamation is tomorrow, May 11 and despite the countless cries of anomalies and irregularities in this election that gives all the reason to announce a failure of election, the commission on elections is continually turning a blind eye against all of it.

The regime under Marcos Sr. from 36 years ago could get me killed just by this post alone. And we are afraid that history may repeat itself. Some of my countrymen have forgotten the atrociousness of the Marcos' dictatorship through historical revisionism and we are going to work hard against it from within.

Just like I said, they fucked us up and we will never forget that.

Please reblog this and spread it. Also, if any of you could spare me some more time (this became too long. I'm sorry.), watch this documentary streamed for free on youtube to get a clearer picture of what we are against.

6 years is a long time, but we will not be backing down.

[transgenderteensurvivalguide]

“Elliot Page doesn’t remember exactly how long he had been asking.

But he does remember the acute feeling of triumph when, around age 9, he was finally allowed to cut his hair short. “I felt like a boy,” Page says. “I wanted to be a boy. I would ask my mom if I could be someday.” Growing up in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Page visualized himself as a boy in imaginary games, freed from the discomfort of how other people saw him: as a girl. After the haircut, strangers finally started perceiving him the way he saw himself, and it felt both right and exciting.

The joy was short-lived. Months later, Page got his first break, landing a part as a daughter in a Canadian mining family in the TV movie Pit Pony. He wore a wig for the film, and when Pit Pony became a TV show, he grew his hair out again. “I became a professional actor at the age of 10,” Page says. And pursuing that passion came with a difficult compromise. “Of course I had to look a certain way.”

We are speaking in late February. It is the first interview Page, 34, has given since disclosing in December that he is transgender, in a heartfelt letter posted to Instagram, and he is crying before I have even uttered a question. “Sorry, I’m going to be emotional, but that’s cool, right?” he says, smiling through his tears.

It’s hard for him to talk about the days that led up to that disclosure. When I ask how he was feeling, he looks away, his neck exposed by a new short haircut. After a pause, he presses his hand to his heart and closes his eyes. “This feeling of true excitement and deep gratitude to have made it to this point in my life,” he says, “mixed with a lot of fear and anxiety.”

It’s not hard to understand why a trans person would be dealing with conflicting feelings in this moment. Increased social acceptance has led to more young people describing themselves as trans—1.8% of Gen Z compared with 0.2% of boomers, according to a recent Gallup poll—yet this has fueled conservatives who are stoking fears about a “transgender craze.” President Joe Biden has restored the right of transgender military members to serve openly, and in Hollywood, trans people have never had more meaningful time onscreen. Meanwhile, J.K. Rowling is leveraging her cultural capital to oppose transgender equality in the name of feminism, and lawmakers are arguing in the halls of Congress over the validity of gender identities. “Sex has become a political football in the culture wars,” says Chase Strangio, deputy director for transgender justice at the ACLU.

(Full article with photos continued under the “read more”)

And so Page—who charmed America as a precocious pregnant teenager in Juno, constructed dreamscapes in Inception and now stars in Netflix’s hit superhero show The Umbrella Academy, the third season of which he’s filming in Toronto—expected that his news would be met with both applause and vitriol. “What I was anticipating was a lot of support and love and a massive amount of hatred and transphobia,” says Page. “That’s essentially what happened.” What he did not anticipate was just how big this story would be. Page’s announcement, which made him one of the most famous out trans people in the world, started trending on Twitter in more than 20 countries. He gained more than 400,000 new followers on Instagram on that day alone. Thousands of articles were published. Likes and shares reached the millions. Right-wing podcasters readied their rhetoric about “women in men’s locker rooms.” Casting directors reached out to Page’s manager saying it would be an honor to cast Page in their next big movie.

So, it was a lot. Over the course of two conversations, Page will say that understanding himself in all the specifics remains a work in progress. Fathoming one’s gender, an identity innate and performed, personal and social, fixed and evolving, is complicated enough without being under a spotlight that never seems to turn off. But having arrived at a critical juncture, Page feels a deep sense of responsibility to share his truth. “Extremely influential people are spreading these myths and damaging rhetoric—every day you’re seeing our existence debated,” Page says. “Transgender people are so very real.”

That role in Pit Pony led to other productions and eventually, when Page was 16, to a film called Mouth to Mouth. Playing a young anarchist, Page had a chance to cut his hair again. This time, he shaved it off completely. The kids at his high school teased him, but in photos he has posted from that time on social media he looks at ease. Page’s head was still shaved when he mailed in an audition tape for the 2005 thriller Hard Candy. The people in charge of casting asked him to audition again in a wig. Soon, the hair was back.

Page’s tour de force performance in Hard Candy led, two years later, to Juno, a low-budget indie film that brought Page Oscar, BAFTA and Golden Globe nominations and sudden megafame. The actor, then 21, struggled with the stresses of that ascension. The endless primping, red carpets and magazine spreads were all agonizing reminders of the disconnect between how the world saw Page and who he knew himself to be. “I just never recognized myself,” Page says. “For a long time I could not even look at a photo of myself.” It was difficult to watch the movies too, especially ones in which he played more feminine roles.

Page loved making movies, but he also felt alienated by Hollywood and its standards. Alia Shawkat, a close friend and co-star in 2009’s Whip It,describes all the attention from Juno as scarring. “He had a really hard time with the press and expectations,” Shawkat says. “‘Put this on! And look this way! And this is sexy!’”

By the time he appeared in blockbusters like X-Men: The Last Stand and Inception, Page was suffering from depression, anxiety and panic attacks. He didn’t know, he says, “how to explain to people that even though [I was] an actor, just putting on a T-shirt cut for a woman would make me so unwell.” Shawkat recalls Page’s struggles with clothes. “I’d be like, ‘Hey, look at all these nice outfits you’re getting,’ and he would say, ‘It’s not me. It feels like a costume,’” she says. Page tried to convince himself that he was fine, that someone who was fortunate enough to have made it shouldn’t have complaints. But he felt exhausted by the work required to “just exist,” and thought more than once about quitting acting.

In 2014, Page came out as gay, despite feeling for years that “being out was impossible” given his career. (Gender identity and sexual orientation are, of course, distinct, but one queer identity can coexist with another.) In an emotional speech at a Human Rights Campaign conference, Page talked about being part of an industry “that places crushing standards” on actors and viewers alike. “There are pervasive stereotypes about masculinity and femininity that define how we’re all supposed to act, dress and speak,” Page went on. “And they serve no one.”

The actor started wearing suits on the red carpet. He found love, marrying choreographer Emma Portner in 2018. He asserted more agency in his career, producing his own films with LGBTQ leads like Freeheld and My Days of Mercy. And he made a masculine wardrobe a condition of taking roles. Yet the daily discord was becoming unbearable. “The difference in how I felt before coming out as gay to after was massive,” says Page. “But did the discomfort in my body ever go away? No, no, no, no.”

In part, it was the isolation forced by the pandemic that brought to a head Page’s wrestling with gender. (Page and Portner separated last summer, and the two divorced in early 2021. “We’ve remained close friends,” Page says.) “I had a lot of time on my own to really focus on things that I think, in so many ways, unconsciously, I was avoiding,” he says. He was inspired by trailblazing trans icons like Janet Mock and Laverne Cox, who found success in Hollywood while living authentically. Trans writers helped him understand his feelings; Page saw himself reflected in P. Carl’s memoir Becoming a Man. Eventually “shame and discomfort” gave way to revelation. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” Page says, “and letting myself fully become who I am.”

This led to a series of decisions. One was asking the world to call him by a different name, Elliot, which he says he’s always liked. Page has a tattoo that says E.P. PHONE HOME, a reference to a movie about a young boy with that name. “I loved E.T. when I was a kid and always wanted to look like the boys in the movies, right?” he says. The other decision was to use different pronouns—for the record, both he/him and they/them are fine. (When I ask if he has a preference on pronouns for the purposes of this story, Page says, “He/him is great.”)

A day before we first speak, Page will talk to his mom about this interview and she will tell him, “I’m just so proud of my son.” He grows emotional relating this and tries to explain that his mom, the daughter of a minister, who was born in the 1950s, was always trying to do what she thought was best for her child, even if that meant encouraging young Page to act like a girl. “She wants me to be who I am and supports me fully,” Page says. “It is a testament to how people really change.”

Another decision was to get top surgery. Page volunteers this information early in our conversation; at the time he posted his disclosure on Instagram, he was recovering in Toronto. Like many trans people, Page emphasizes being trans isn’t all about surgery. For some people, it’s unnecessary. For others, it’s unaffordable. For the wider world, the media’s focus on it has sensationalized transgender bodies, inviting invasive and inappropriate questions. But Page describes surgery as something that, for him, has made it possible to finally recognize himself when he looks in the mirror, providing catharsis he’s been waiting for since the “total hell” of puberty. “It has completely transformed my life,” he says. So much of his energy was spent on being uncomfortable in his body, he says. Now he has that energy back.

For the transgender community at large, visibility does not automatically lead to acceptance. Around the globe, transgender people deal disproportionately with violence and discrimination. Anti-trans hate crimes are on the rise in the U.K. along with increasingly transphobic rhetoric in newspapers and tabloids. In the U.S., in addition to the perennial challenges trans people face with issues like poverty and homelessness, a flurry of bills in state legislatures would make it a crime to provide transition-related medical care to trans youth. And crass old jokes are still in circulation. When Biden lifted the ban on open service for transgender troops, Saturday Night Live’s Michael Che did a bit on Weekend Update about the policy being called “don’t ask, don’t tuck.”

Page says coming out as trans was “selfish” on one level: “It’s for me. I want to live and be who I am.” But he also felt a moral imperative to do so, given the times. Human identity is complicated and mysterious, but politics insists on fitting everything into boxes. In today’s culture wars, simplistic beliefs about gender—e.g., chromosomes = destiny—are so widespread and so deep-seated that many people who hold those beliefs don’t feel compelled to consider whether they might be incomplete or prejudiced. On Feb. 24, after a passionate debate on legislation that would ban discrimination against LGBTQ people, Representative Marie Newman, an Illinois Democrat, proudly displayed the pride flag in support of her daughter, who is trans. Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene, a Georgia Republican, responded by hanging a poster outside her office that read: There are TWO genders: MALE & FEMALE.

The next day Dr. Rachel Levine, who stands to become the first openly transgender federal official confirmed by the Senate, endured a tirade from Senator Rand Paul about “genital mutilation” during her confirmation hearing. My second conversation with Page happens shortly after this. He brings it up almost immediately, and seems both heartbroken and determined. He wants to emphasize that top surgery, for him, was “not only life-changing but lifesaving.” He implores people to educate themselves about trans lives, to learn how crucial medical care can be, to understand that lack of access to it is one of the many reasons that an estimated 41% of transgender people have attempted suicide, according to one survey.

Page has been in the political trenches for a while, having leaned into progressive activism after coming out as queer in 2014. For two seasons, he and best friend Ian Daniel filmed Gaycation, a Viceland series that explored LGBTQ culture around the world and, at one point, showed Page grilling Senator Ted Cruz at the Iowa State Fair about discrimination against queer people. In 2019, Page made a documentary called There’s Something in the Water, which explores environmental hardships experienced by communities of color in Nova Scotia, with $350,000 of his own money. That activism extends to his own industry: in 2017, he published a Facebook post that, among other things, accused director Brett Ratner of forcibly outing him as gay on the set of an X-Men movie. (A representative for Ratner did not respond to a request for comment.)

As a trans person who is white, wealthy and famous, Page has a unique kind of privilege, and with it an opportunity to advocate for those with less. According to the U.S. Trans Survey, a large-scale report from 2015, transgender people of color are more likely to experience unemployment, harassment by police and refusals of medical care. Nearly half of all Black respondents reported being denied equal treatment, verbally harassed and/or physically attacked in the past year. Trans people as a group fare much worse on such stats than the general population. “My privilege has allowed me to have resources to get through and to be where I am today,” Page says, “and of course I want to use that privilege and platform to help in the ways I can.”

Since his disclosure, Page has been mostly quiet on social media. One exception has been to tweet on behalf of the ACLU, which is in the midst of fighting anti-trans bills and laws around the country, including those that ban transgender girls and women from participating in sports. Mississippi Governor Tate Reeves says he will sign such a bill in the name of “protect[ing] young girls.” Page played competitive soccer and vividly recalls the agony of being told he would have to play on the girls’ team once he aged out of mixed-gender squads. After an appeal, Page was allowed to play with the boys for an additional year. Today, several bills list genitalia as a requirement for deciding who plays on which team. “I would have been in that position as a kid,” Page says. “It’s horrific.”

All this advocacy is unlikely to make life easier. “You can’t enter into certain spaces as a public trans person,” says the ACLU’s Strangio, “without being prepared to spend some percentage of your life being threatened and harassed.” Yet, while he seems overwhelmed at times, Page is also eager. Many of the political attacks on trans people—whether it is a mandate that bathroom use be determined by birth sex, a blanket ban on medical interventions for trans kids or the suggestion that trans men are simply wayward women beguiled by male privilege—carry the same subtext: that trans people are mistaken about who they are. “We know who we are,” Page says. “People cling to these firm ideas [about gender] because it makes people feel safe. But if we could just celebrate all the wonderful complexities of people, the world would be such a better place.”

Even if Page weren’t vocal, his public presence would communicate something powerful. That is in part because of what Paisley Currah, a professor of political science at Brooklyn College, calls “visibility gaps.” Historically, trans women have been more visible, in culture and in Hollywood, than trans men. There are many explanations: Our culture is obsessed with femininity. Men’s bodies are less policed and scrutinized. Patriarchal people tend to get more emotional about who is considered to be in the same category as their daughters. “And a lot of trans men don’t stand out as trans,” says Currah, who is a trans man himself. “I think we’ve taken up less of the public’s attention because masculinity is sort of the norm.”

During our interviews, Page will repeatedly refer to himself as a “transgender guy.” He also calls himself nonbinary and queer, but for him, transmasculinity is at the center of the conversation right now. “It’s a complicated journey,” he says, “and an ongoing process.”

While the visibility gap means that trans men have been spared some of the hate endured by trans women, it has also meant that people like Page have had fewer models. “There were no examples,” Page says of growing up in Halifax in the 1990s. There are many queer people who have felt “that how they feel deep inside isn’t a real thing because they never saw it reflected back to them,” says Tiq Milan, an activist, author and transgender man. Page offers a reflection: “They can see that and say, ‘You know what, that’s who I am too,’” Milan says. When there aren’t examples, he says, “people make monsters of us.”

For decades, that was something Hollywood did. As detailed in the 2020 Netflix documentary Disclosure, transgender people have been portrayed onscreen as villainous and deceitful, tragic subplots or the butt of jokes. In a sign of just how far the industry has come—spurred on by productions like Pose and trailblazers like Mock—Netflix offered to change the credits on The Umbrella Academy the same day that its star posted his statement on social media. Now when an episode ends, the first words viewers see are “Elliot Page.”

Today, there are many out trans and nonbinary actors, directors and producers. Storylines involving trans people are more common, more respectful. Sometimes that aspect of identity is even incidental, rather than the crux of a morality tale. And yet Hollywood can still seem a frightening place for LGBTQ people to come out. “It’s an industry that says, ‘Don’t do that,’” says director Silas Howard, who got his break on Amazon’s show Transparent, which made efforts to hire transgender crew members. “I wouldn’t have been hired if they didn’t have a trans initiative,” Howard says. “I’m always aware of that.”

So what will it mean for Page’s career? While Page has appeared in many projects, he also faced challenges landing female leads because he didn’t fit Hollywood’s narrow mold. Since Page’s Instagram post, his team is seeing more activity than they have in years. Many of the offers coming in—to direct, to produce, to act—are trans-related, but there are also some “dude roles.”

Downtime in quarantine helped Page accept his gender identity. “I was finally able to embrace being transgender,” he says.

Page was attracted to the role of Vanya in The Umbrella Academy because—in the first season, released in 2019—Vanya is crushed by self-loathing, believing herself to be the only ordinary sibling in an extraordinary family. The character can barely summon the courage to move through the world. “I related to how much Vanya was closed off,” Page says. Now on set filming the third season, co-workers have seen a change in the actor. “It seems like there’s a tremendous weight off his shoulders, a feeling of comfort,” says showrunner Steve Blackman. “There’s a lightness, a lot more smiling.” For Page, returning to set has been validating, if awkward at times. Yes, people accidentally use the wrong pronouns—“It’s going to be an adjustment,” Page says—but co-workers also see and acknowledge him.

The debate over whether cisgender people, who have repeatedly collected awards for playing trans characters, should continue to do so has largely been settled. However, trans actors have rarely been considered for cisgender parts. Whatever challenges might lie ahead, Page seems exuberant about playing a new spectrum of roles. “I’m really excited to act, now that I’m fully who I am, in this body,” Page says. “No matter the challenges and difficult moments of this, nothing amounts to getting to feel how I feel now.”

This includes having short hair again. During our interview, Page keeps rearranging strands on his forehead. It took a long time for him to return to the barber’s chair and ask to cut it short, but he got there. And how did that haircut feel?

Page tears up again, then smiles. “I just could not have enjoyed it more,” he says.”