#my mom telling him that ive been smoking for years

[monachopism]

my dad and i bonding over cannabis. we love to see it.

[am3li420]

Remus Lupin head canons i’ve been collecting for 10+ years

- this hoe loves books, i know that’s a common head canon but let me dive deeper;

- he definitely is checking out matilda level amounts of books from the library every week before going to hogwarts.

- homeschooled by his mother 100% and she would make him write book reports so he learned to love annotating books

- cut to lily seeing him writing in a book in 1st year and being absolutely disgusted but eager to make friends so she asks him his favorite books and authors.

- remus goes on like an hour long tangent about tolkien and c.s. lewis and how much he loves fantasy and how he’s so excited he gets to be at hogwarts because it’s so close to his escape from his lycanthropy as a child.

- lily tells him all about literature and they start a book club right then and there.

- remus also studied piano from his mom as well, and then eventually when she couldn’t teach him anymore his parents saved up to pay for a teacher.

- he loves his piano teacher and over summer breaks goes back and takes lessons

- bonds with sirius because of this as sirius had to learn violin to become a “well rounded heir”. they play duet covers as entertainment for gryffindor parties and everyone fucking loves it.

- eventually mary joins in and plays guitar and they have a cute little peter paul and mary vibe going on.

- remus is so outspoken, and truly always the first to be informed on politics or news

- was very forthcoming on his views about the war, along with james and sirius. i believe remus was the most “radical” of them though, and wanted freedom/ equality for all creatures not just wizards.

- he also felt unease at the ministry and wanted systematic changes as well as wanting to fight against voldemort.

- extremely distrustful of dumbledoor towards the end of the war, and it caused division between him and sirius until the second war when sirius realized remus had been right.

- remus had a magical proclivity for defense, and was a great dueler. the only person who he was evenly matched with in his class was sirius. they often fought to draws. they absolutely keep count of their wins.

- remus, lily, and mary all collectively give james and sirius their music tastes. they have new records every time they come home from break.

- remus is absolutely a stoner and loves smoking joints, reading, and listening to music during his free time.

- him and sirius smoke together sometimes but remus smokes a lot more than sirius because it really helps him with his chronic pain and depression.

- oh remus rolling a joint is like the most sexy thing anyone has ever seen. sirius frequently uses those memories for….personal time.

- remus uses an expansion charm under his bed and grows his own weed, eventually becomes hogwarts resident dealer and always puts freebies in his deliveries

- the freebies include:

- little drawings made by sirius

- chcocolates

- sometimes if he’s hanging out with marlene and has to deliver an order she’ll draw a tarot card for the person and write down a little reading for them!

- remus’ own handmade stickers!

- yeah he’s everyone’s favorite drug dealer seriously 10/10.

- he operates this all under minnie’s nose and is forever smug about getting away with it.

- i could probably think of a million more because i just love him so much but ive been hitting my pen while writing this so i’m gonna go make a snack!!!

[the-m0st-forg3ttable-g1rl]

❝𝐚 𝐋𝐚𝐦𝐛 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐮𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐞𝐫❞

𝐁𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐒𝐓 𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐆𝐆𝐄𝐑 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐘'𝐀𝐋𝐋!! 𝐈 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐢𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐞 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐬𝐚𝐲 𝐢𝐭 𝐚𝐠𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 𝐜𝐨𝐧𝐭𝐚𝐢𝐧𝐬 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐯𝐲 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐨𝐟 𝐝𝐞𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐬𝐬𝐢𝐨𝐧, 𝐬𝐮𝟏𝐜𝐢𝐝𝐞, 𝐬𝟑𝐥𝐟 𝐡@rm, 𝐚𝐛𝐮𝐬𝐞, 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐨𝐯𝟑𝐫𝐝𝟎𝐬𝐞. 𝐏𝐋𝐄𝐀𝐒𝐄 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝 𝐚𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮𝐫 𝐨𝐰𝐧 𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐤.

𝐓𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐛𝐞𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐬𝐚𝐢𝐝 𝐈 𝐡𝐨𝐩𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐞𝐧𝐣𝐨𝐲 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬!! 𝐈 𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐧𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐰𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐞 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬 (𝟑+ 𝐡𝐨𝐮𝐫𝐬)

the lamb siblings sat outside their musty trailer, they could smell the weed from the surrounding houses... if you could even call them that. Penny was convinced the two had a constant second hand high from how much their little "safe haven" smoked that shit.

This was their normal ever since they were small, sitting with each other while their parents couldn't care less, penny, being the elder of the two felt the responsibility to protect her brother, Ezra, from the cult they lived in, however he was a clever kid and eventually caught on in his preteen years.

"do you think we'll get out of here, ez?" penny asked gently, looking over at her little brother, dressed in his usual cape, he insisted he looked cool.

"no. no we won't, no one has" Ezra put simply, that was one thing him and penny never saw eye to eye on; sugar coating things. he always said it how he saw it.

"you.. don't think we even have a chance?" her question was met with the boy simply shaking his head.

She sighed deeply, feeling herself starting to tear up, god she hated this place, she hated her parents, more importantly? she hated herself. Times like this she thought back to her countless nights alone in her room, bloody toilet paper, a razor in her hand and her cheeks tear stained as she felt the sting in her thighs. that's how she kept herself grounded; pain. The only thing keeping her alive was her brother, she cannot leave him alone in this hellhole, he's her whole life, he's the only one who loves her.

Her flashback was interrupted as their parents called the pair inside, the two exchanged worried looks before heading into their trailer, this thing didn't even deserve to be called a home. Once inside they we're met with a harsh grab on their wrists and dragged to the kitchen, Penny's worst fear had become reality, and her brother would have to bear witness.

"mind explaining this? hm?" their mother questioned, her glare shifting between the two.

a razor, a bloody fucking razor sat on the counter, penny felt sick, she wanted to run away and die. actually die, no coming back like in movies, no happy ending; she deserved death.

Ezra stared in shock, he'd never seen it before, he was too young to worry about facial hair to shave, he was too afraid to even touch dangerous objects, so he shook his head

"ive never seen that, mom, and- and I doubt penny has! she.. she wouldn't, right penns?" penny remained quiet "penns..? why is it bloody?" he asked again shakily, connecting the dots. Their parents watched emotionless, penny finally spoke up

"how.. did you find that?"

"oh honey, please, we looked through your room once you developed a little limp and found your friend here. Tell your brother what you've been doing, or should i?"

"tell me what? penny why have you been limping? what does,.. that... have to do with it? you said no secrets between us!" her younger brother quickly became defensive, he knew the answer, he knew the answer to it all, he wished he didn't but... He wasn't dumb.

"Ezra, please, I'll explain it later-"

"no! I want- I want to know now! how are you so calm?!" tears began to form in both of the children's eyes.

Ezra was crying over his beloved sister hiding secrets, penny crying because her brother hated her now.

"ever... ever since we were young, I began to cope in this place with... that" she gestured to the object "the pain would distract me, would get my mind off of how doomed we were to die here, I'm not calm, i am beyond scared right now" penny explained, her voice flat, it was scary, she was never like this. this all but scared her brother more, he was the monotone one, it seemed they had switched places.

With that he walked silently to his room, their mother turned to penny, holding the razor out for her to take

"I see you'll be needing this again, now that the only person who would remotely like you is gone, all because you can't handle your emotions..."

penny took the blade, going up to her own room and breaking down as soon as the door was closed.

Her mother was right, about everything, grabbing the stash of first aid in her dresser she hitched up her skirt and began to "cope"... she couldn't even call it that, it wasn't coping, she was dying, she wanted too, now that Ezra was gone what was stopping her? she continued this cycle of thinking, of slashing and hacking at her skin, for what seemed like hours but was only 2 minutes. The girl sat there, staring at the mess she made, her skirt was blood stained, her thigh was sticky and her nostrils were intruded with the smell of sickly sweet metal. she wanted to vomit, she wanted to vomit until she couldn't any longer.

After her self pitying, penny finally stood up, limping to the bathroom in order to clean up, this was her nightly routine it seemed. Wrapping her leg in gauze, she heard a knock on the door;

"Penns...? I know it's you" her heart hurt. She couldn't turn her brother away, she opened the door to let him in.

Ezra nearly screamed at the sight, his sister was blood stained and sickly pale, he sat next to her on the ground, grabbing an alcohol pad to wipe her hands. A small gesture but he needed to be there for her

"I didn't want you to see me like this, I look pathetic" penny laughed, finishing bandaging her leg, letting her brother care for her

"I didn't want to see you like this either, at least I know you're alive" he reassured, throwing the wipes away and just sitting near her. the two sat like this for a while until penny spoke up

"when... I leave, will you be okay-"

"no. no I won't. which is why you can't leave, in any way." he knew what she meant by leaving. he wasn't dumb.

"right but... if I did?"

"I'd go with you, I don't exist without you"

penny just nodded, pushing herself up to exit the bathroom in silence

"I'm okay, ez, I'm going to bed, you should too" he agreed with her, hugging her tight as he headed to his room.

Once she knew he was asleep, she rushed to the kitchen, searching the pill cabinet for Ezra's Ritalin, with shaky hands she poured a handful, pouring a cup of water with her free hand.

She walked up to her room, waiting for the pills to kick in, she laid down in bed, feeling at peace for the first time in her life, she was finally leaving Elysium. her peace didn't last long as her body soon became clammy and her breathing was shallow; it was time, and she was okay despite the panic. her mind was racing; was this the right thing? should she call someone? what would ezra-

Ezra. oh god Ezra.

By the time her brother crossed her mind, she felt herself choking on her own blood, she found it beautiful in a way, ghostly pale in a pool of blood.

After a minute of agony... penny lamb was dead. She reached her goal of leaving Elysium.

Ezra awoke the next morning with a sense of dread, something wasn't right in the house. he rushed down to the kitchen, finding his parents but no sister

"where's penny? she's out by now"

"hell if I know, couldn't care less about that slut" his mother huffed, shooing him away like a horsefly, he simply turned and made his way to pennys room, figuring she must've overslept after the long night she had. It was unusual for her to sleep until 10am but he didn't put it past her, slowly he opened her door in case she was indecident.. she was, but not in the way he suspected.

This time he did scream at the sight of his sister, the only thing remotely recognizable about her was the twin French braids she always had, even they had dried blood in them, everything about his dear sister was bloody. his parents rushed to find their son kneeling in front of their daughters body, hysterically sobbing as they watched in shock

"no... no she couldn't have, she can't be serious, penny lamb, wake up!" their mother pleaded, shaking her slightly, her head simply lolled to the side as her mouth spilled with blood, dripping onto the floor, causing her family to back up.

Ezra stayed in her room for days, even after her body had been removed, the room smelled of her, of her perfume, blood, tears, memories... the room was her, it was all he had of her, he barely ate for weeks, just enough to barely live, just enough so his parents, as shitty as they were, would have one of their kids. He needed to stay alive for her, stay alive so she wouldn't have died in vain.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for snitching on my friend to his mom?

🐾💛 for easy findings,

TW for drug mentions

so me (NB, 15) and my (sort of) friend (M, 14), we'll call him D, have been friends for almost 4 years now, and he struggles with alot of disorders and drug habits. he completely insists on getting worse, constantly threatening to not eat for days at a time, swallow all his meds and overdose, etc etc

things have been really hard for him recently for reasons i cant tell, but its been causing him to feel worse and tempting to him to relapse.

his cousin gave him an ounce of coke yesterday, as he thought it would "help". i know he has more stashed away and he started smoking again too. as i said, D is 14, and watching him do stuff like this and refusing to get help really upsets me.

i have his parents number, ive been considering telling them about this so they can try to get him some extra help, but im not sure if itll help or if he would just get in trouble. hes been lying to his therapist and his parents and part of me is tempted to tell them the truth.

so, WIBTA for snitching on my friend to his mom? i really want him to get help, real help, not just venting to me over a discord chat. and this is the only thing i think i can do for him.

What are these acronyms?

[edutainer2022]

@astranite About the PROM PROTOCOL from this thread . It's a Sky and Star headcanon very dear to my heart. I'm so glad you found it! 💙🧡

The PROM PROTOCOL is a story I really hope to write out some day. But if I never do, the general outline is as follows: think the Kansas farmhouse front porch, around past midnight. There's a figure on a porch swing - Jeff. Waiting up. Steps crunch the gravel and stop to an abrupt halt by the porch. Scott hasn't been expecting Dad to wait up for him like this. Scott is past his curfew.

The party had been a long and ardorous negotiation - Jeff was weary, because springbreak and highschool seniors (and juniors) usually equals underage drinking and recreational edibles or pot, or who knows what else, especially if somebody's college freshman sibling is doing the chaperoning. Scott was adamant and made a good case of being the most responsible and reliable sixteen year old in the history of ever - youngest President of the class, Prom King nominee, Team captain and projected valedictorian at the graduation (early graduation for him, because he worked his a** off over summers taking extra AP credit and got early admission to Yale), consummate big brother. Besides, he promised to take Stacey the Girlfriend to THE springbreak party. Surprisingly, Virgil and John chimed in on Scott's side with a good case too - he deserved a night off, as big brother had nearly run himself to the ground the years Mom was gone, while Jeff buried himself in grief and more work. Jeff doesn't enjoy thinking back on the boy's translucent pale face on the hospital sheets and the drip of IV in the deafening silence. Jeff gets the reasoning, but he's not ready. Not ready for Scott to be growing up and leaving for college (John soon to follow, skipping a class the genius his ginger is), not ready for things to change, not ready for the boys not needing him soon, not ready for Scott being serious to take up his Ivy League degree parallel to the AirForce program.

Anyhow, this one time Dad conceded and is now sitting up on the porch, waiting for the eldest to be back past the curfew, minutes away from rising up Kyrano to start a state-wide search and rescue. But Scott is walking back. WALKING. Jeff is absolutely certain the boy left in his car to pick up the girlfriend and then drive her back home. And to ensure there would be no succumbing to peer pressure to drink at the party. Jeff is ready to rain thunder and lightning, assuming that's what happened - drinking, smoking, something irresponsible.

But Scott is shivering in his windbreaker, hands deep in his pockets, face visibly stricken with tears. He walked all the way from the town to the farm in the middle of the night. Somebody's college freshman brother home on a break being far more alluring to the Prom Queen nominee is what happened. Vicious and biting, and humiliating words happened. First love crashing and burning in an instant is what happened. Scott was shaken too much and couldn't drive. So he walked all the way home.

Jeff manages to coax the boy up the porch, on a swing and into his lap. Quiet, hot tears are back. So help him, Jeff is not ready. That was to be Lucy's area - nursing bruises, kissing away booboos and heartbreak. Jeff is not ready. He wants to tell his boy there will never be pain and betrayal again. He wants to make sure there isn't. Ever. But he can't. Jeff wants to keep Scott and his brothers safe from any danger of the world. But he's not sure he can reliably ward off more heartbreak. So he just holds the crying child on the cusp of adulthood and wishes his wife were still there.

Scott is still grounded - he didn't call Dad to pick him up, and walking alone at night was very dangerous. He'd be grounded till the Prom (Jeff is not cruel enough to let the school have no Prom King). That's where the problem is, unexpectedly. Scott's not going. Stacey the ex girlfriend now has that college freshman as a Prom date to show off. Everyone would know he was dumped. He has no date and doesn't have the heart to go anymore. Jeff really, really wishes Lucy were there. He's out of his depth.

That's when the rustle on the porch roof happens and a lithe, agile form slithers expertly down to the rails. John. John, who too is not asleep. John, who was probably stargazing past his bedtime or too lowkey waiting up for his biggest brother. John would go with Scott to the Prom. John is graduating next winter, so will miss his own Prom - nobody will ask questions. That dries the tears, at least, and has Scott sit up from Dad's lap. John HATES social anything. It will be loud, and flashy, and crowded, and LOUD. John would be uncomfortable. Scott can't have that. Exactly! Everyone knows the Ginger Tracy hates that kind of scene. And everyone knows Scott always has a posse of little brothers. So, if Scott is too upset, or not having fun, or overwhelmed - nobody would bat an eye that he had to take the "ginger weirdo" back home. John is calm and completely logical - clearly he had it all thought through. But what if Scott is having a good time and John is uncomfortable at a big party?

That's when more rustle on the porch roof happens and a bleary eyed Virgil parcours down too. Jeff is more or less resigned that bedtime is just not a thing that day, apparently. In THAT case, Virgil is going to the Prom too. Everyone know his two brothers are graduating early, so they won't be around for his Prom. It's a sound cover up. If Scott is enjoying himself, but John needs to leave - Virgil would accompany him home and make sure he's not overestimulated by the noise and the crowd. And Virgil would still have his own Prom to go to next year, if he wanted a big ole party. And thus - The Prom Protocol is born.

In the end, it's a huddle on the porch swing - Jeff holding Scott curled up in his lap, John leaning into Dad's side, and a semi-asleep Virgil draped over Scott's still shivering form for warmth and comfort. Still, Jeff is not ready. Amazed by the bond his boys share, but not ready to let them go.

[helix-enterprises117]

Halo Reloaded: Meeting The Parents

The balmy summer evening on Harmony IV seemed to cling to the air with a lazy, almost cheeky insistence that today, of all days, was perfect for a garden party. It was the kind of day that was warm enough to make you appreciate the shade and cool enough to make you thankful for the sun—a Goldilocks climate that Linda had always praised, but which now made her sweat more than usual. Beside her, John strolled with an unshakable cool that would've been infuriating if it weren't so darn attractive.

Linda's grip on John's hand was iron-clad as they approached her parents' house—a picturesque little cottage with ivy creeping up one wall and a front garden that was a riot of colors. She looked over at him, his face as serene as a pond at dawn, and muttered, "Remember, my mom likes to test people with her 'mild' borscht. Just smile and claim it's delicious even if it tries to dissolve your spoon."

John's chuckle was a low rumble, like distant thunder. "Don't worry. After years of MREs, I'm pretty sure I can handle your mom's soup."

The front door of the cottage burst open as if on cue, and out barreled Linda's parents, her mother in a flour-dusted apron and her father wiping oil-stained hands on a rag, both wearing wide grins that somehow matched the garden's exuberance. "Линдочка!" her mother exclaimed, sweeping Linda into a hug that likely required a chiropractic adjustment afterward.

Her father, a bear of a man with eyes twinkling behind thick glasses, extended a greased-smeared hand to John. "And this must be the famous John," he boomed, his voice thick with a Russian accent that rolled his 'Rs' like they were downhill. "We've heard much about you, young man. All of it good, some of it unbelievable. You're not secretly an alien, are you?"

John’s handshake was firm, and his smile was genuine as he replied, “No sir, just a regular guy from Eridanus-II.”

As they moved into the garden, where a table was laden with dishes that smelled of dill and smoked meats, Linda's father continued, "We remember hearing about a young boy from Eridanus-II at the academy. Never imagined that boy would grow up to stand beside our Linda."

Her mother, wiping her hands on her apron, added softly, "Such a tragedy, to lose your planet so young."

John's gaze softened, touched by their concern. "Thank you. It's been a long journey, but meeting Linda... it's brought a lot of light into my life."

Linda glanced at him, her eyes shining with a mix of pride and relief. She chimed in, her voice steadier now, "Mom, Dad, John has been incredible."

Her father chuckled, leading the way to the table. "Well, anyone who's got our Linda speaking so fondly must be something special. Let's eat, and you can tell us more."

Her mother, while ladling out what looked like a vibrant red concoction into bowls, leaned in and whispered conspiratorially to John, "This is the mild borscht. Don't worry, I have emergency antacid hidden away just in case."

As they settled down, the conversation flowed more easily. Linda's parents were keenly interested in John's thoughts on the latest starship enhancements—a topic he discussed with enthusiastic detail, which delighted Linda's father, a retired engineer himself.

Linda’s father didn’t waste any time grilling John about his experiences. "So, John, tell us about these starships you tinker with. Any chance you could fix my old tractor beam back there? It's been a bit stubborn, like a mule with a hangover."

John launched into an enthusiastic explanation about propulsion systems, clearly enjoying the chance to discuss his work outside of military jargon. Linda watched him light up, her heart swelling with a mix of pride and love.

"Look at him, talking engines and excited like a kid in a candy store," Linda’s mother observed, passing around a plate of pirozhki as if she were dealing cards at a high-stakes poker game.

Linda, now thoroughly relaxed and amused, leaned back and soaked in the scene—her formidable, boisterous family slowly wrapping John in layers of affection and beetroot stains. Linda murmurs to herself, "Yep, he fits right in."

[omegasmileyface]

he thinks being old makes him a genius and when he was young he thought being young made him a genius. he thinks hes the only person on earth with critical thinking skills, and whenever he comes up with a new theory he hasnt heard before, he assumes the reason he hasnt heard it is because no one else was creatove enough to think of it. it couldnt POSSIBLY be that experts have thought of it and disproven it— hes the first person to think of it, and since it makes sense and has potential, that means it MUST be true. and if HE discovered a truth before the experts did, that means theyre unqualified to be experts, and he's the only person whose ideas matter. did you know it was me who started feeding the birds? because corvids are my favorite. so i researched for weeks, and started investing in unsalted peanuts so i could throw them out on a regular basis. and when i would go off to school, he would "feed the birds for me". mom and i both told him to stop, because he wasnt making my hobby easier, he was taking it from me. this was now something i didnt get to do, because feeding the birds more often is bad for them and makes them dependent. "no, theyre birds, they wont get dependent," he would say, with the tone of someone letting a toddler know that of course the sun will still rise even if you dont go to sleep. and he kept feeding the birds. and when he cant find the exact brand of peanuts id been buying, he just goes for whatever other peanuts he can find— he doesnt care if theyre unsalted. because he never did that research. and now he feeds them every day and he loves the crows and he hates the ravens and the magpies and the bluejays, all some of my favorite animals, because theyre "greedy". he acts like he can tell the individuals apart (he cant) and he gives them names and watches their drama and gives me updates on "my" birds like i didnt stop feeding them years ago. i HAD to stop because he didnt, because he didnt listen. he NEVER listens. and when he thinks the bread is too old? not when its moldy, when he decided it's "too old" like he knows, like he buys the groceries, like he notices when new groceries need to be bought, like when he shops he gets what we asked for and not something vaguely, vaguely related but the wrong kind and four times the price? he gives it to the birds. he gives pieces of factory-made wheat bread to crows like a child feeding ducks without reading the sign. and ive told him its bad for them, the same way salted peanuts are, the same way overdependence is, the same way mowing is bad for the local ecosystem, the same way keeping his phone plugged in is bad for its battery, the same way ignoring research is bad for science. but he doesnt care, because its not, because if bread was bad for the my his crows that would mean he was wrong. and hes always right! hes right when hes a husband leaving his dishes in the wrong place every single day, when hes an experienced cook leaving the pot handle poking directly out into the room, when hes a weatherman saying climate change isnt real, when hes a proudly observant man breaking the smoke detector when he installs it, when hes an experienced trucker going 20 mph over the speed limit, when hes a compassionate and wise man saying russians are genetically predisposed to lying, when hes a genius saying the etymology of "meme" is "e-memo", and when hes a father telling his child whose real gender he doesnt even know that fear is a choice. daddy knows best.

[butrflyho3]

This will be my last post

I want to say I haven’t been on here in years and I came to say goodbye. Goodbye to old friends goodbye to old ways, and here’s to my present self. I do not resonate with my past at all any longer. I do realize everything that happened in the past was to help me grow and to realize my true potential. Ive been fucked over and hurt by many others. My ex who gaslit me and abused me, cheated on me why do you think he did that? Trauma. He couldn’t face his trauma so he projected onto me, and why did I accept that? Because I believed that is what I deserved. Do I still believe this? Absolutely not! I was the biggest enabler for the longest time because I wanted to fix him and I felt if I stood by his side and let him treat me badly that eventually he would see me in a different lens…but that didn’t go as planned. It was a vicious cycle. He would do something that hurt me, I would push him away from me, think about it, miss him and take him back and tried to give him ultimatums. He would agree to them but then just go behind my back and do what I didn’t want him to do anyways. I want to say I haven’t been on here in years and I came to say goodbye. Goodbye to old friends goodbye to old ways, and here’s to my present self. I do not resonate with my past at all any longer. I do realize everything that happened in the past was to help me grow and to realize my true potential. Ive been fucked over and hurt by many others. My ex who gaslit me and abused me, cheated on me why do you think he did that? Trauma. He couldn’t face his trauma so he projected onto me, and why did I accept that? Because I believed that is what I deserved. Do I still believe this? Absolutely not! I was the biggest enabler for the longest time because I wanted to fix him and I felt if I stood by his side and let him treat me badly that eventually he would see me in a different lens…but that didn’t go as planned. It was a vicious cycle. He would do something that hurt me, I would push him away from me, think about it, miss him and take him back and tried to give him ultimatums. He would agree to them but then just go behind my back and do what I didn’t want him to do anyways. For 5 years this went on until one day I decided that he would never change for me. I had to accept that even though it hurt and made me angry. I gave my all to him and he just took it without giving anything back to me. It’s like being a child and holding onto your favorite broken toy and your mom keeps telling you to just throw it away get a new toy and you never do. It’s like playing outside on a cold rainy day and your told to come inside until the rain stops and you stay outside anyways with no jacket and the next day you are sick for a whole week.

An old friend of mine (who I’m not friends with anymore) did many things so evil towards me. We met in middle school. She was very sweet and quiet at first but once we were friends for a few years I saw who she really was, although I saw her for who she really was I kept forgiving her and letting her continue to treat me like shit. I disregarded my intuition because I wanted to believe she was truly my friend. She went through a lot as a young girl and I wanted to be the one that stuck by her through thick and thin. Let me tell you why that was the worst mistake I ever made over and over again. Again here I was being the biggest enabler for poor behavior. We would hang out and she was always doing something impulsive, like if we went to the mall she would be shoplifting, if we were inside a public area she would light a cigarette up and smoke it, when we were at the movies she would talk very loudly and almost get both of us kicked out. She had no care or regard for others, she thought those behaviors were cute. Whenever we got into disagreements or arguments it felt like the end of the world. I would be made out to be the bad guy because I didn’t want to tolerate the behavior anymore. And every time I tried defending myself I got knocked down because at the time I didn’t know how to speak up for myself. Don’t get me wrong there were times where I did the wrong thing too! I’m not perfect. I was always honest and upfront about my wrong doings and mistakes and if I knew I hurt someone I apologized right away. I would love to go into detail on how badly she hurt me and what she did but I feel there is no need to because it’s not going to fix what happened. It’s not going to make me feel better. She doesn’t understand how her behavior and actions affect those around her, and I’m not sure she ever will.

She did hurtful things because she was hurting, she did not want to face her own issues so she projected onto me. She hated her life and herself so bringing me down and hurting me is the only way that made her feel better, and I can no longer judge her for that because she is on her own path and journey and I am glad we parted ways because I realized during self reflection and meditation that I was always her friend but she was never mine. I learned real friends will tell you the truth. Real friends won’t be sneaky and hide things from you. Real friends care about how they make you feel. She thrived and laughed at my pain, and when she was in pain I was always emphatic towards her and always comforted her.. You see there is two paths you can take in life… you can be fucked over, hurt lied to, etc and chose to do it back to others or you can chose to learn from that pain and never wish that on the most horrible person in the world. She obviously took the first path and I took the second. I do not want revenge or even an apology because I know she never will admit to her wrong doings let alone apologize for it. I have a beautiful life now I am happy and thriving.. do I have my moments of sadness and grief? Of course who doesn’t? But I don’t let it consume me anymore. Want to know why? Because I am not just this body. I am energy, spirit, and divine. I know I am beautiful,talented and creative no matter what others say I now know who I truly am and no opinions and insults can’t even get close to me anymore.

I learned to transmute that negative energy into positive. So although I am still hurting from all the people in my life I have to leave behind I do wish them well and wish them endless love light and healing! The real revenge isn’t hurting those who have hurt you. It’s to live your beautiful life and see the beauty in the things around you and to smile and be happy and to find your own peace.

People believe after you die you go to heaven or hell which I honestly don’t believe in at all. Heaven or Hell is felt on this earthly plane. Life is what you make it. It can either be heaven on earth or hell on earth. My fiancé actually taught me that. He’s taught me a lot and I am so grateful to have him in my life because he’s been my biggest supporter yet. So that is all I have to say. I hope everyone heals and lives live to the fullest.

[winderlylandchime]

And as for today? He woke up and was dead fucking silent. I need you to know that for months now, ive been waking up to him, wide awake at like 7 am, already up listening to music and getting ready for the day in whatever way he can. And today, he woke up at 10 am and didn’t speak a single word at all for like 3 hours. And then while i was eating, he was drinking his coffee and then out of nowhere he went ‘what the actual fuck was that finale?’ And after all i did was replied ‘now you know the bullshit ive been mad at for years’ he went ‘how did people survive this bullshit when it aired?’

Then afterwards he sent a voice memo to our mom and went ‘mom, you have no fucking clue how bad it is. Its really bad. This shit is my 9/11. I need to talk to you’ he also sent a similar voice memo to our dad.

Then he called his best friend and went ‘remember iron man? Yeah, i wanna fucking jump off a building right now. This is..Dude, i feel like I got dumped.’

Then he called our uncle cause he sent my brother a text about the finale. And they talked for quite a bit and he realized that our family knew about the finale and he went ‘AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? I know i hate spoilers but im not that bad! (This is where my uncle reminded him that my brother stopped talking to his husband bc he accidentally spoiled who won on drag race once) okay, but that was..okay maybe youre onto something here but still! This shit hurt! I was happy for no wedding and then BOOM! No justin.’

The things he said to me about the finale were a lot and all over the place but these are some of my favorite parts that stood out and i could remember: this was said while he was pacing up and down ‘everyone got their happy ending except Justin and Brian. What the fuck man? This is bullshit! I will start a protest over this’

‘So basically what i got from this fucking show is that: everyone except Brian, Justin and Emmett sucks.’

‘I want to know how many people they pissed off with this finale. Because this is bullshit! I mean not the wedding part, god imagine if they got married….yikes. But seriously why? Did people get angry at the season 4 finale so they decided to do this abomination?’

this next one was said while he was on the phone talking to a nurse who was telling him about tomorrows check up. Btw he was trying to whisper which to me made it funnier cause it sounded like he’s never whispered in his life ‘i just don’t understand cause why would they do th- yeah i’m still here. Okay, okay, yeah, mhm..okay- that like they were finally happy. Together. After all the bullshit! The bashing, the cheating, LA, CANCER, whatever the fuck season 5 was and now gone, ripped apart by one fucking review and a bitch with a bad haircut- yeah, so I give blood first and then? Okay cool- how fucking dare sh- no no im not talking to you, im talking to my sister.. about this sh- actually nevermind, I can’t do this now’

And the last one that i can remember that he said to before he once again went on a silent retreat for the rest of the day was: ‘fuck you. I hate you so much for showing me this show. I was better off not knowing because in my world, they were still together under one roof and not doing this long distance..(i remember that i wanted to say something here idk what) THEY ARE STILL TOGETHER AND NO ONE IS TAKING THAT AWAY FROM ME! This last season was just a suggestion..shit ended with the bike race’

After that, he went back to his room. Then outside to smoke. Then had his 5th coffee. And then he sat on a couch for like 20 minutes just petting Brian. And that was it. He was dead silent for the whole day. Our mom couldnt call him today because of work so he was in an even worse mood. And then he passed out with the cat. So basically the finale completely destroyed him and left him speechless. We barely even talked today because he literally looked like he went through hell and back over and over again. Im honestly wondering how tomorrow will go. Especially since our parents did text me to ask how bad on a scale of 1-iron man is it. And when i replied that i think it might be worse, our dad texted me ‘fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.’

How did people survive this bullshit? I think this is the time to bring up the existence of fan fiction and gifsets and fanart. That’s how we survive. We create art. Because in the end the writers DID make us care and did make us feel big strong feelings and it inspired us to go create more feelings… and isn’t that the point in the end?

AND NONE OF YOU FUCKS THOUGHT TO WARN ME? You were ALL so careful to avoid spoilers. For science. He would have been really angry if he had been spoiled.

I will start a protest over this. I really did think he would start a petition for a reunion episode. I also thought he would make it happen. He seems like he has great relationships with his friends and you and your family, so I just thought enough people would care and he would be passionate enough and he would be able to accomplish what 20 years of fandom hasn’t been able to.

Shit ended with the bike race. THAT IS LITERALLY WHAT I’M ALWAYS SAYING. END THE SHOW WHEN BRIAN ASKS JUSTIN TO MOVE IN. YOU CAN EVEN LEAVE AMBIGUOUS WHETHER JUSTIN GOES TO LA, it’s unambiguous that they’re partners.

“how bad on a scale of 1-iron man” “fuck…that’s uncharted territory. We’re all fucked.” I love your parents. They are going to kill all of us when they find out we’ve been egging you on. Please tell them that a bunch of internet strangers want to be adopted into your family.

Thank you for this journey Dear Sweet Anon. It has been such a rollercoaster AND also the most hilarious thing to happen. I did not have A Straight Man Watches on my 2023 bingo card. We are a teeny tiny fandom but this has brought the few of us here together in such a fun way.

If you want to send any other updates, my asks are always open. I know everyone will want to hear if your brother ventures into the fandom at all. Or what his reaction is when he finds out how many people knew - beyond the entirety of your wonderful family. I hope his recovery continues to go well (and he sustains no more queer as folk related injuries!). You seem to be an incredible sibling to him even though you broke his damn heart.

[melancholicdecay]

wednesday february 1st

9:08 am

hey there, been a while huh? that boy i was talking about in my last post is nonbinary, they've been my partner for i think 3 weeks now? theyre so sweet, when we settle down for bed when theyre over they nuzzle their face into my neck breathing in my scent and try and pull me ever closer. i still get butterflies when i talk to them but now i can tell them how much i love them.

in other not-so-light-hearted news on the morning of frday january 27th my cat, my faithful companion, and my closest friend charley passed away at 6 and 1/2 years old in his sleep. my heart is breaking still it feels like a hole has been carved out of my chest. i feel so empty without him. when i went home to see him (because i was at my friend's house the night previous) he was stiff and cold. i pet him and there were no engine-like purrs, no playful nips at my hands, no batting at my face with claws a little too sharp. i just want to hold my best friend again. i am so sad and angry and empty. i just want to wake up to him clawing at my door begging for me to feed him a second breakfast, i just want to see him in his favorite spot when i walk out of my room at night, i want him to sit in the middle of the kitchen as i cook waiting for me to drop something because god it feels like such a lonely task now. i took shrooms with my best friend before class. that was just about an hour ago now, i wanna smoke pot as well cause god i feel empty. i guess i will probably be posting regular updates here again ive been meaning to write here again i just lack motivation. also im sick. to top everything off, my mom has covid but im just sick so im thankful for that. 9:28 am

[indigo474]

dreams- 10624-

I had crazy dreams this morning. Mr Toast was running all over town in his red Chevy Camaro with Jerry Garcia on the side. there was a kid named Tyler. And Michael- sitting at a bar drinking a beer. He gave me the longest hug ever and told me he loved me. I asked Madison to not wake me up yesterday when she got him and I slept until 10- Its been a while since I slept that late. I was exhausted yesterday. My Mom calls me and i tell her i'm exhausted and she tells me to go for a walk. I'm having anxiety because i'm laying on the couch doing nothing. I told her that wasn't what I needed to hear- she also told me she was told she would've dead in 2 years if she didn't stop smoking. she's making a huge deal about it- just do it. it's not a big deal. I see people my age and older smoking and i wonder how they do it. How do they feel like shit all the time- it must be exhausting. I fasted all week. I think I ate 2 meals this week. ive been reading and watching videos about the benefits of fasting, autophagy, and metabolic syndrome. Im never sure how to fast and lift so this was a great week to fast because I wasn't seeing James. I'm going to go to the gym this AM- . I told the ice queen I would help her decorate for customer service week today. I was surprised she texted me to see if I was able to help. I wonder how drunk she is going to be this week. we need to go out shopping on Tuesday for the cook out. I missed the fireworks last night. I didn't know. I heard them. I love fireworks. Sharon called me- i didnt pick up. i'll call her back and she wont pick up. I wish I would have started running sooner in life. there's a difference in doing something because we hate ourselves and doing something because we love ourselves. a lot probably more like everything I did good or bad was because I hated myself. exercise was a way to punish myself for being fat. it's a great feeling to look in the mirror and love the person you see. plot twist- you not only survive- you thrive.

[777erendipity]

tonight has been tough. i wish today wouldn’t of happened. i have too much shit going in in my life. i feel like im running away from everything. from heartbreak and grief and sadness. and i do a good job at running from it and keeping up. i slap a smile on my face and keep trudging despite the cards ive been dealt. but every once in awhile, it catches up to me. and it all crashes on me. i felt it in the back of my throat at work and i shoved it down because i still had 10 hours left. i got home and smoked. i listened to “think of me once and awhile” by take care and “moonlight on the river” by mac demarco back and fourth on repeat for an hour. its the first time ive been able to cry in awhile.

i really miss my mom. she’d know what to say. i know i speak of her like she’s dead but she’s not. but she isn’t really here either. sometimes i want to believe that this is just a short period of her life and she’ll get better but this is our future. where she’s at right now is how things will be for the rest of her life. i know it’s my fault that these things happened. everybody will say im wrong but i know it is. i want her to hold me like a child. i’m tired of being the strong one here. i wish i could of enjoyed being taken care of by her for longer.

i want so badly to run back. i don’t know how he could of ever thought that we just broke up and i just didn’t care. i showed through that entire relationship that i cared deeply. i want how things were but i know that’s just looking at things through rose colored glasses. things weren’t good. yeah did we have one good day like every two weeks? yes. and it was magical and wonderful and at that time, even though i wanted so much more, i settled for some of him than none because i didn’t know how to live without him. i love waking up each day and not feeling like im getting cheated on. i love not having to compare myself to other women. or to keep bumping down my standards to stay in love. i love not having to depend on someone to give me the bare minimum like “hi how are you doing?”. it’s freeing. i didn’t realize how broken i was til i was out. i want to run back but i cant. i can’t go back to feeling so worthless. not when i know i deserve better and there’s better out there for me. my future is shaky and unstable and i need someone supporting me by my side, not against me and borderline hating me. it pisses me off how mad he is that i’m slightly moving on. he fucked with so many other women through our relationship whether he’ll admit to all of it or not. i never cheated once. he didn’t want anything to do with me those last couple months. and i just stayed there and waited like a dog just for him to tell me that he’s moving away for good and he’s mad that after we have broken up, im hanging around “the idiot in the white truck”? give me a break and go run off to one of your 35,847 fwbs. but i know i shouldn’t be saying all of that. i wanted to really start not being such a cunt and holding grudges but here we are.

i know the only way i’d go back is that my brain got wiped from that last year and he was a completely different person. even if he did do all the things he said he would last week and change completely. that doesn’t erase the past. even when things were going good, all the things that he had done still weighed on my heart because of how much it hurt. i was hoping it’d go away but i realize now when someone breaks you like that? you can’t look at them the same. so the love is still there but its confusing because you don’t know how you can give something so precious of yours to a person that could care so little about you. that’s why i know there won’t be a future with us. i try not to think about it because it hurts but it’s been on my mind all day. parts of me mourn it and other parts are like “girl why tf are you getting all sad over a dude who said you were asking for too much when you wanted to see him when your mom was in the hospital???”. i hate how he’s talking about things that he wanted to do. all the things that i wanted that entire year that he never gave me, now he wants to give me? i call bull. why was i appreciated so late? anyways i’m exhausted. i worked for 11 straight hours with no breaks. all i got is a red bull and vape in my system which isn’t really agreeing well with me. i have another long day tomorrow. i gonna call my mom and just sit with the sound of her breathing for awhile, it’ll feel like she’s closer to me that way.

[loyalestmunch]

1.17.24

new year same fucking bullshit. since the last month ive come on here to vent not one single fortunate thing has happened to me. matter of fact i'd say i am only feeling increasingly worse with each coming month. as per my last entry, dylan has officially moved on to someone else and wants absolutely nothing to do with me. last time we spoke he told me to fuck off. so, im currently fucking off and leaving him alone i guess. although i often get a spark of hope that tells me there's maybe still a chance which is shortly followed by me begging to be unblocked. i need self respect.

mom found out i was smoking again. threw away a 2g dispo that was 1/3 full. and also my nic. which sucked really fucking bad. at least she didnt take my phone like last time. she threatened to restrict my driving privlidges again (im 18 lolol) like she did in february but no further action has been pursued (phew) but little bad things keep getting sprinkled into my life and this shit needs to stop because i dont know how much more i can take right now !

more footnotes from this month....: the cats r doing good. wisp getting fatter and willows getting fluffier lmao. camila & des r still my friends. went on date with short guy. not well. Have been drinking significantly since new year started. (probably going to grab a white claw befor my shower ahahah..) I got scammed on paypal trying to find an idv account HAHAHHHAHAHAHHAHA. wrote 500 word essay for cmila expressing my love HAHAHAHAHAHA wasnt reciprocated HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAAHAAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

february please be kind to me, please

[insomniawitch]

.

[trylobite]

currents, part one

                                        journal entry # 42

                     may 3, 1998 - 4 days before graduation

looking back on the countless hours spent loving and being loved by pj these last two years, i never imagined things would end like this. i never thought i would end things like this.  

we have been fighting more and more recently. he thinks im unhappy, everyone thinks im unhappy. fuck, even i thought i was unhappy with him for a while, but I don’t think that’s it. It may sound totally juvenile and cliche, but I think im too happy with pj, and its becoming so terrifying. why are the best things always so fucking terrifying?

the love we share is bursting from my every seam and that’s why i can’t continue. i love him so much, so truly but, after days of contemplation i’ve concluded that despite being surrounded by all this love, i feel so dejected. i want to be a good person and love people with my entire soul, and right now, i don’t fucking know anything, especially not the importance of loving and cherishing someone else for all that they are. thats what i do know.

i dont think it insane of me to say that i don’t want to look back on this relationship years from now, having not ended it, and us both be miserable.

the devastating thing is, if that were the outcome, i don’t think he would leave me like im about to leave him. he’s too selfless. i don’t want to do it, truly i don’t. i don’t want to murder his spirit in the process of figuring out who i am, but is it nobler to sacrifice myself for the man i love the most and never be able to give him the love he deserves in return?

maybe that was too poetic, but dear journal, i really mean it.

i know what i must do, it was bound to happen. i just can’t let myself hurt him anymore. i know that once im gone, he will be happier.

—— october 30, 2000 ——

i breathe in deeply letting the crisp, autumn, pennsylvania air fill my lungs.

ever since graduation ive been up north in the glum state of maine trying to connect with myself. i tried college up there for a few weeks but dropped out because all it was doing was adding to the stress and heartbreak i was putting myself through.

inever told anyone where i was going, just my parents so they could send money every now and then. but to everyone else, i sort of…disappeared.

i spent most of my time in maine with my neighbor, edith. shes this feisty little hippie lady in her mid 60’s, and she took me in when i was at my lowest. edith runs a quaint little bakery in town, which she sort of manipulated me into working at, but to be honest i’ve never minded. she has a luxurious garden thats full of herbs and spices used in her shop. we have spent many hours back there in her garden just talking, crying, laughing,. she taught me so much about the mysterious ways humans live and adjust. she would tell me stories from her life that taught her about empathy, love, betrayal, and remorse. i’ve learned a lot from ole edith and for that i will forever be in her debt.

edith is actually the one who convinced me to come back after all this time, to my home town. i didnt want to, for reasons obvious to both edith and i, but as i hinted at before, once edith wants something shes relentless. she told me to come and visit for a few days over halloween weekend, and if it was horrible i could give her a call and she would buy my train ticket back immediately. i reluctantly packed my bags and rang my parents to tell them the news.

so here i am, in the backseat of my family car that we have had since I was 10 years old, I can still smell the cigarette smoke from when my mom was an avid chain smoker in the early 90’s. i have the window down letting the sharp, icy wind swirl my hair all about my face. my headphones are blaring against my ears so loud that im almost positive my parents could hear the music over the wind. i’ve been playing matchbox twenty’s “yourself or someone like you” album on repeat the entire train ride here, and I don’t know if it’s the nauseating loneliness in rob thomas’ voice blasting into my head for hours or if it’s the weight that these familiar streets carry but im starting to feel very anxious and lightheaded the closer we get to home.

i let go of a shaky breath i didn’t know i was holding as we pass the skate park me and the boys spent a million nights at fucking around, smoking, getting drunk. i would always complain when steve brought his “magic dust”, but pj always promised if anything happened, he would make sure i was taken care of. bam and ryan always just laughed in my face and told me to loosen up, fucking assholes.  

bam margera has been my best friend ever since i can remember. we grew up next door to one another, and with no other neighboring houses being as close as ours are, it was inevitable that we would become attached at the hip. we would always hunt for bugs and crawfish down in the creek by my house and use them to scare his mom, april. i remember when ryan dunn moved to west chester, it was like our team was finally complete. we were literally the three musketeers, and no one could separate us. my mom always hated the fact her sweet little angel was being turned rotten by some gross little boys, but i think she grew to love them as much as i did over the years. our parents thought that once we hit puberty the three of us would naturally fall apart, but i think the awkwardness and uncomfortable changes of puberty only brought us closer. our interests obviously did start to differentiate more, like bam and ryan got into skating and bmx, and i got more into reading and writing, but it never caused a rift. they were my brothers, until the very end. until i left.  

i remember the day they introduced me to the rest of their friends. i only ever hung out with bam and ryan on our own, but i knew of their other friends through the stories they would tell me. that day bam and ryan said they were going to take me to the skate park to show me this “gnarly trick” that bam had finally mastered.

i always found it amusing because the guys absolutely refused to go to the actual skate park in town, we always went to this abandoned pool in the outskirts of the suburb that bam had declared their territory the beginning of freshman year.

i wanted to be supportive of his hobbies, so i went willingly, but turns out there was no trick and i had been lied to. i was greeted by many new faces that day, one being a face i will never forget.

i shake the memory of our first meeting from my mind as my dad pulls into the driveway. the lawn is decorated with the ghost decorations the boys and i made years ago for a halloween bonfire. i frown at the memory, wishing i could get amnesia to forget all these good things ive left behind. as i step out of the car my shoes make a squishy noise against the orange and yellow leaves that have fallen into the driveway. there are puddles soaking the pavement, turning it into a dark and depressing gray. mom told me over the phone yesterday about all the rain they have been getting lately. seems like even the weather in west chester was preparing for my arrival.

i look over to bams house and try to suppress the ache bubbling up in my chest. i don’t want to be here; I feel like my happiness is being slowly sucked out through ribs.

ever since i left this shitty little town ive been able to grow and become a better version of myself but being back has already started to affect me. i don’t want to revert back to the person that ive worked so hard to let go of, i want to be free from that life and those mistakes.

the whipping of birds playing above my head pulls me from my internal monologue and with my head hung low, i creep up the driveway. my hand touches the ice-cold knob, but something stops me from entering. I can’t put my finger on what exactly, but then I hear it, the faint rhythmic buzzing from the bass of someone’s car getting closer and closer. my eyes fly to the top of the hill near the end of the street, and I can feel my heart start beating harder and a knot growing larger in my stomach. for a split second i can’t differentiate between the bass vibrating the air around me and the deafening knocking of my heart at my ears. as the car came barreling down the street, my body starts to weaken and i feel as if all my bones have been replaced with jello.

they were in chris’s van, and they were listening to some weird band that bam was obsessed with (if i had to guess) on the loudest volume possible and with all of the windows down. i knew i needed to stop looking and go inside before I got caught, but something about seeing them acting so…normal…without me wouldn’t allow me to look away. however, that feeling is soon washed away by a tender ache piercing through my chest.

the pout on my lips is suddenly replaced with an emotionless, cold expression as i spot pj in the back seat. despite the look on my face, my heart has never felt so sore. his warmth is radiating through the car’s windows, and i feel like i can almost hear his rich, gravelly voice ringing in my ears. I can still remember the way his cologne would mix around in the air and fill my lungs with pine and cigarette smoke. I can still feel his soft palm and calloused fingers brushing along my lips and cheek, and his soft pink lips dancing over my jaw and down my neck. this is all too much.

as they pull into the driveway next door, i watch them file out of the van and into the garage. I take a second scanning over all of them, seeing new tattoos and new injuries. they were all there, from what i could see. chris, steve, ehren, dave, ryan, bam, and pj.

when I finally give my eyes permission to look at pj, i am met with those beautiful dark brown pools, that once held so much admiration for me. they were now full of confusion and anger.

it took me a second to even realize he had noticed me and from that point on all i could focus on was escaping the situation. i swing my backpack over my shoulder and rush for the front door, but by the time i pass through the threshold of my childhood home, full of so many memories, i knew the secret was already out.

© blackjello, 2022

[celestial-extraterrestrial]

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