#my mom is trying her best to make me like the shepards and i just dont

[hanicchy]

watching grey’s anatomy for the first time and i don’t think i’ve ever hated a popular character more

[vakarianshepard]

N7 Day 2- Reflection

I had several ideas for this; but since the ME2 love theme is called Reflections, I thought I would write my take on the shakarian pre SM scene :)

Garrus POV; ~1.2 k words

The rumble of the engines was the only sound in the battery. Garrus sat on a crate, head bowed. His omni-tool flashed with a new message twice, then went dark again. His shoulders hunched under the weight of his sister’s words. Mom’s treatments weren’t working anymore. Sol was upset, and why wouldn’t she be? Why shouldn’t she be?  Damn it, he thought, I’m just a washed-up vigilante playing Spectre. How can—

He sat there, staring at his feet for several minutes, mind replaying his regrets in vivid color.  Sighing, he straightened up and steeled himself; this was it. He didn’t want to fight with her; not on the way to a likely suicide mission. He shook his head, trying and failing to clear his thoughts. 

“You’re right, Sol,” he typed, “I’m sorry.” 

Her reply was immediate, “No, I’m sorry. Things are rough with Mom, and the salarians are expensive.” 

Garrus felt something twist in his chest, a deep, aching pang of guilt, helplessness; hell, he wasn’t even sure. “I wish I could help,” he replied, feeling woefully inadequate. He wanted to reassure her; he wanted to tell her that he’d come back soon. That he could keep his word this time. But, as the Normandy glided toward her fate, whatever that might be, he couldn’t bring himself to make another empty promise. Instead, he continued, “I’m going on a trip. Might be away from the relays for a while. Tell Mom—tell her I’m thinking of her.” 

Solana answered back with a joke, and he accepted it for the olive branch it was. He promised to call her back when he could; he hoped he would get the chance to. Joker’s voice cut through the ship, “ETA to Omega-4 relay 2 hours,” and he jolted. Damn, that didn’t leave much time to get ready and get to Shepard. He grabbed the bottle of wine he’d picked up on Illium and stopped to examine his reflection. He grimaced at the angry scarring that marred the right side of his face. Months later, it looked better, but he’d only recently gotten the nerve to stop wearing the bandages that covered it. Garrus smoothed his free hand over his tunic one last time, then left the battery, an odd sense of calm washing over him at the prospect of seeing Shepard. 

He could hear her humming as he got off the elevator. At once, he felt the anxiety return, every second of research he’d done flying out of his mind. Crap. Too late to turn back now, he tapped the panel, the door opening to reveal Alexa toweling off her short red hair. She turned as the door opened, a smile breaking across her face, disarming him. His heart skipped a couple beats. 

“Hey there,” she said easily, tossing the towel into the bathroom behind her. 

“Hey. . . I brought wine. Best I could afford on a vigilante’s salary,” he stumbled over his words, trying to regain his cool. “Uh—,” he spotted the stereo control on the wall behind her. Music. That was usually part of this whole. . . stress relief thing. At least in the vid Joker had sent him. He pressed a couple buttons, and terrible pop music started blaring out of the speakers. Wincing internally, he turned back to her, checking for her reaction. She shook her head, smile still in place as she approached him. He soldiered on, feeling more idiotic by the second. 

“Well, if you were a turian, I’d be complimenting your waist, or your fringe. So, uh—your hair looks good, and your waist is. . . very supportive.” Alexa raised her eyebrows, her expression turning bemused. Crap. “Hopefully, that’s not offensive to humans. I knew I should’ve watched the vids. Come on, Shep—” He fell silent as she stepped up into his space, placing a comforting hand on his chest. 

Her tone was light, but her eyes softened as they met his. “Consider me seduced, smooth talker. Shut up and stop worrying,” she teased, “it’s just me.” Alexa sidestepped to shut off the music, and Garrus felt his shoulders sag. 

The weight of the last two years came crashing down: leaving C-sec after her death, Archangel, Sidonis’ betrayal, Shepard’s return, his mom’s health, his conversation with Sol. This new something growing between them. His mind raced, and his heartbeat quickened. He hadn’t even realized how deeply he cared for her until she was gone, until he realized that he would never get to see her smile, or hear her laugh, or tease him ever again. She was gone; better not to think about the depth of that loss. 

Better to throw himself into something he could change, something he could fix.  So he did, until he couldn’t, until he failed, surrounded by the bodies of the people he was supposed to protect. Until Shepard came back from death to save him again, and all that grief and—could he call it love—came rushing back in. Until she brought up “relieving tension” after Sidonis, he hadn’t even allowed himself to call it anything but admiration, friendship.

The weeks since her offer had been strangely peaceful, at least by their standards. As they hurtled ever closer to the suicide mission, they had come together so naturally, without much discussion. He came up to her quarters, or she sat in the battery, working on their reports, spending time in quiet contemplation. Every time she smiled at him, every time her hand brushed his arm, it was overwhelming, exhilarating, and terrifying. Just being near her made him feel both grounded and completely untethered. 

He never imagined, especially after Omega, that there was a chance she could ever—that she would ever see him as anything more than a friend. I should consider myself lucky she even does that, he thought, almost bitterly. His hands trembled, and Alexa gently took the bottle of wine from him, setting it on the desk behind her. He raised his head, finding her still watching him, her face growing serious and concerned. She opened her mouth, about to speak, but he shook his head, cutting her off. “The thing is, I—I’ve just seen so many things go wrong, my work at C-Sec, what happened with Sidonis. I want something to go right. Just once. . .” he trailed off. 

Alexa tilted her head, and he closed his eyes briefly.  He inhaled shakily, as her warm hand cupped his face. “Garrus,” she said softly, her fingertips ghosting across his scars. Emboldened by the fact she hadn’t told him to get the hell out yet, he reached for her, catching her hands in his. She stepped closer, into his arms. “You’ve got me,” she whispered, intertwining her fingers with his, “It’s us. How could it go wrong?” 

She smiled crookedly, and he realized that she was just as nervous as he was. He leaned down, careful, slow enough that she could pull back if she wanted to, and gently rested his head against hers. After a breath, she leaned into him, eyes closed, and he could feel the tension leaching from her body. They stood there for a few moments, fully immersed in each other; the only sound was their breathing and his pounding heartbeat. 

Garrus reached up to caress her face, and Alexa, eyes still closed, turned her cheek into his palm. His chest bloomed with warmth. How could it go wrong, he thought to himself. With Shepard, anything was possible. He didn’t reply, almost afraid to jinx it. For once, as she stretched up to kiss him, as he tilted his head to meet her lips, he let himself believe—if only for a moment—that they might make it. 

[eddiemunsonswhxre]

where have i been?

an update for those curious.

hey there my loves, long time no see.

i’m not sure how many of you will actually read this or care to see why i haven’t written in over a year now but typing this stuff out helps me process and get back into my groove.

well, today is january 16, 2024. the last thing i posted that was an actual one shot was posted on january 3, 2023. i haven’t written since. 2023 was my worst year yet and caused me to learn a lot about people and myself.

things were going alright in the beginning, i was in my second semester of college and my biggest problem was 2 of my 3 roommates (lived in a quad) hated each other so me and my bestie/3rd roommate had to play mediator and it was exhausting. i started liking a guy and got my hopes up. and i started to get more and more annoyed with school and my living situation every day. i was ecstatic to move out of that room despite hating my hometown. the day of move out, one of my roommates who i thought was someone very close to me blocked me and all of our friends on everything with no explanation but we knew she wasn’t coming back for 23-24.

i like where i grew up for a maximum of a week at a time, after that my depression just kicks my ass and im not having a great time. my plan for the summer was to work my ass off so much so that i wouldn’t have time to think of anything else. that backfired, because a few days after i came home one of my two jobs fell through unexpectedly and my other job was giving me less than half the hours they promised me. i was broke. everyone says it’s so easy to get a job these days because everyone is hiring but i applied to over ten places within a reasonable distance from me and didn’t get a single one. so i spent too much time with myself and that’s not normally a good thing.

to make matters even worse, in june my mom was sentenced to three years in prison for a crime she committed back in 2020. i don’t want to get into too many specifics, but my mom would never harm anyone she just has struggled with addiction. my mom was my constant emotional support, and knowing she was no longer going to be around ripped me to shreds. not even a month later after my mom was shipped off to prison, my dog died. and i know you might think “dogs die all the time it’s a pet.” but my dog was much more than that. she wasn’t even three years old and was a beautiful great pyrenees german shepard mix and she was the sweetest girl ever. i don’t care how ridiculous it sounds, because i know my soul and hers were meant to be together. i was even in the process of registering her as an emotional support animal so i could take her to college with me because she was finally old enough and for the most part out of the puppy phase. but one night out of nowhere she got really sick and within an hour of her showing signs something was wrong she died while i was holding her. not the greatest thing for a 19 year old who’s already struggling to experience. it took my over a month to stop seeing her like that every time i closed my eyes. call me dramatic, but that dog really was a child to me.

after that, i went to stay with my cousin for a few weeks and that was nice but i still knew i wasn’t feeling right. i moved back to school in august and had way too high of hopes that everything would fix itself. surprise, it didn’t. in fact, i just got worse. i reached lows i haven’t hit in over two years. i was having roommate problems, i was trying to do way too much at once, and i was neglecting my health. i had a breakdown.

the highlight of my semester was taking a week off to visit my best friend since age 2 for her birthday (she lives roughly a 2 hour plane ride away from me now) with our other two best friends. then i came back and immediately totaled my car. my car was a piece of shit yes, but it got me places. not having a car when you’re a person who drives around to destress is not fun. i was even worse mentally at this point and i was trying so so hard to get into my overbooked doctor to get my medications raised. the only constant i had were my three friends at school and my studies. so i threw myself into them. i was never alone and if i was i was nose deep in a text book. i was just avoiding the rest of my existence. i was able to get my meds upped and decided i was done wallowing. i started a diet that is actually manageable and enjoyable and discovered for the first time workouts that i actually liked doing. it was something small, but i knew i was turning myself around.

i went home for winter break knowing it was going to be tough. i also had to spend this time looking for a new car. it was an extremely stressful process to say the least. but i focused on myself, taking all the time for myself that i needed and processing everything that had made me get to such a bad place. i’ve always been very spiritual, so i dove more into that as well as trusting the universe.

i’ve decided that 2024 will be my best year yet. i got a new car, im getting a new job, im doing great in school, my mom is getting released from prison literally six hours after i post this, and im taking care of myself in more ways than one. while doing a lot of that reflecting, i remembered how much i used to love to write and how that passion just died after loving it since i was ten. i started small, doing short story exercises and getting into reading again. i finally, after an entire year, have my passion for writing back.

i can’t promise i’ll be consistent with uploads because i’ve decided that my goal for the year is to write a novel. so that project is going to be my main focus and it isn’t anything fanfic related, it’s actually a psychological thriller. more than likely i will be asking for opinions on here throughout the year as well.

with that said, my plans this year for this blog are to keep posting. eddie munson is mainly who i write for, but i want to expand my horizons. i want to challenge myself with genres and types of characters. i will greatly appreciate any requests you can give and i promise i will read through them. if i don’t post them right away, just know it may come out three months later. sometimes inspiration sparks at weird times.

if you’ve read this far, thank you. i hope this can inspire you to see that there’s light at the end of the tunnel but sometimes you’ve gotta dig the extra dirt to it yourself. beyond thankful to anyone who was here a year ago and has come back to read my new stuff- you made an aspiring writer really proud of herself.

much much love

-eddiemunsonswhxre 🤍

[macravishedbymactavish]

Surrender the Night (David "Hesh" Walker)

TW: Dad!Hesh really missing Logan.

Chronicles of Life and Death Masterlist

--

"Who's this?" He heard a voice question, small hands grasping a framed picture.

Him and Logan following their first mission together as Ghosts. Both smiling wide, high on adrenaline and pride. Feeling like they were on top of the world.

"That's me, and your Uncle Logan" Hesh smiled down at his son, fighting the tight feeling in his throat. "And Riley of course" pointing at the German Shepard who was happily at their feet in the photo.

"Where'd you find this anyway?" Pulling the small child into his lap, he placed the photo on his desk. It sat among a few other, highly regarded pictures.

One of the day he vowed to love her for the rest of his life.

The first time they saw their son, in black and white, along with the day, months later, that they cuddled him for the first time.

Then one of him with his dad and brother.

"I dunno" the small boy laughed, leaning back into his father. Clearly ready for bed. "When is Uncle Logan coming to visit?"

Such an innocent, lighthearted question met by such heavy emotions.

"Hopefully one day buddy, I know he would love you" Hesh whispered, pressing a soft kiss to his sons head. Trying not to think about how his child reminded him of his brother at that age.

Clearly moms genes were superior in the Walker family.

"When he comes, I'll show him my lego. Do you think he'd want to play lego with me." Hesh really tried not to cry, hoping to wait a few more years to explain to his son that it's unlikely he would ever meet the orgin of his middle name.

"I was thinking about how our little alien will need a name" his wife started, laying her hand atop of his on the bump. "I was thinking their middle name could be Logan. If you're okay with that"

Hesh hated crying, he never was one to understand how people feel better after. He always found himself dehydrated and exhausted after.

But in that moment, knowing he had her support to carry on his baby brothers legacy? He bawled. In both the grief of Logan never knowing he would finally be "the cool Uncle ™️", the godfather, and love knowing his child would be carrying on his namesake.

A little gasp brought him back to the present, the small boy smiling wide as he tilted his head back to look up at his father.

"We share a name!" His son cheered, coming to this realization.

While bright eyed and innocent; young enough to only see the best in people. He inherited his grandmother and uncle's empathetic nature. A small pout formed over his features, as he saw the tears freely falling down Hesh's face.

"What's wrong dad?" The little boy turned, small arms wrapping around his father's middle as he hugged him.

Hugs make everything a little better

"I just miss your Uncle. You know he fought a shark once? And won!" His son shot right up, eyes sparked with excitement as he listened to the story about how his two Uncles survived multiple sharks once.

"No way! That's so cool" his son yelled, giggling softly as he was shushed.

"It was, your Uncle Logan is the coolest person I know" wiping his eyes with his sleeve, Hesh held his son tight. Listening to the little yawn as he now fought sleep, determined to hear about the man in the picture.

"You need to go to bed, bub" Hesh smiled down, hoisting his son up as he carried him to his bedroom. Laying him down on the bed, he felt a small fist grab the front of his shirt.

"Bedtime story?" The little boy nodded, shifting under the covers to make room for his dad to lay beside him. An arm wrapping around the little frame, Hesh leaned his head against the wall behind the bed. Looking up at the stars painted with glow in the dark paint on the ceiling.

Please come back one day, he needs to meet his Uncle Logan. We need you back

"So" blinking back tears and clearing his throat, "this one is a funny story. We had to go work in a town that was super cold. Freeze your little nose off cold, and very icy. Your Uncle Logan offered to take Riley outside, not realizing it was crazy icy. So Logan accidentally slid down the stairs"

"Was he okay?" The little boy, half asleep asked. Cuddling further into his father's side.

"Yeah, he found it funny after. Didn't like all of us laughing at first though" Hesh smiled, remembering how hard he laughed before asking if he was okay.

"It was really funny because Riley ran to go check on him, slid down the stairs and knocked Uncle Logan back down at the bottom of the stairs."

Taglist: @bloodonmyhands-1221 @ai-luni @v1naco

[jikanet-tanaka]

Ideas for stories and such...

I'm a bit overwhelmed with plot bunnies right now, and I think writing them all out is the best way to get 'em all straight. So... here are a few ideas for future fics I'd want to write. I dunno which one(s) I should focus on first...

Assassin’s Creed Valhalla

A Saga Most Ordinary : I have ideas for two more chapters, one about Eivor playing Dungeons and Dragons with the three Good Boys, along with Hytham, Randvi and Tewdwr, and another about her and Valka Staging An Intervention because she thinks Sigurd went and joined some cult because of his new girlfriend (ie Fulke).

Untitled/maybe it’ll just be chapter two of an existing fic, I dunno: A new companion piece/sequel of sorts to ‘Nornir's Curse, Nótt's Counsel’ about Randvi and Valdis just hanging out (on the beach while their respective spouses watch over the young ‘uns) and talking about their (rather similar, really) lives.

Dishonored

Take Your Silver Spoon (Dig Your Grave) : A two-shot about two bastard-born princesses of the Kaldwin line. Part of it is already written, I just need to get off my ass and do something about it lol

You and Me and The Leviathan Makes Three : An AU where Daud survives the events of DoTO, and Billie is stuck trying to find new purpose in her life while teaching a god-turned-boy how to Human and a suicidal old man how to… not be a total wreck of a person . Oh, and the Abbey of the Everyman is falling apart all around them (which makes the Boysider happy, since his two newfound biggest goals in life are 1) to destroy organized religion and 2) to save the whales. Every chapter would be set in a different isle, with titles based on sea shanties.

Dracula

Untitled : A little one-shot about how Drac might have gotten to Mina on the night of October 3rd. Because the details are kinda hazy on that, right?

Final Fantasy XVI

The Tale of the Telamonides : Before the mission to Drake’s Head, Mid shows up to the Hideout to Bring Chaos and Shenanigans to everyone’s live. Because I was sad that we never did see her interact with Cid.

Gravity Falls

Dungeons and Dummies : …I need to finish this you guys, I already have it all planned out. I feel weirdly anxious about this story, mostly because I don’t happen to have the whole of the rules of D&D stamped in my brain (shocking, I know). It’s like I’m afraid I’ll have someone go, ‘hey, that’s not how it goes in the Player Handbook, page so-and-so blah blah blah ’ so I don’t even try, you know?? It’s a weird thing.

The Awesome Mixtape of the Apocalypse: A story where Dipper and Mabel’s parents join both sets of twins on a roadtrip to Gravity Falls. The concept would be that Mabel made a mixtape with songs for everyone in her family (so for example Ford definitely gets weird prog rock like this, listen my dad was a happier, most well-adjusted Ford, and that was his shit, car trips in my family were trippy), with each character represented by a particular musical style (the Pines mom’s got punk ska like Reel Big Fish and Streetlight Manifesto lol…) and each chapter corresponding to one song. I got every big story beat and character moment planned out, I just… need to get off my ass and write, I guess.

Horizon Zero Dawn/Forbidden West

Untitled : Aka Aloy watches Varl and Zo together, gets confused/frustrated, and shares a convo with Erend that helps her figure out she’s asexual. Sweet!

Untitled Rost and Ersa fic : Rost and Ersa, as ghosts, hang around Aloy and Erend for the events of the first game (and have a mini ship war about the merits of Ereloy as a couple). Also known as ‘Rost Gets Another Grumpy Daughter Because These Are Sure Fun To Collect Or Something’.

Mass Effect

Untitled : Just a little Shakarian ficlet about Shepard listening to Thane’s story about how he met his wife after the events in Garrus’ loyalty mission and her being like, oh, oh boy, oh no.

Radiant Historia

Will You Learn to Love (Without Consuming): A little one-shot set in the Apocrypha ‘verse which is not compliant with the canon shown in Perfect Chronology. Basically my take on who became the big Mana Monster causing the desertification (and why he’s a foil to both Heiss and the Conuts Guy).

Déjà Vécu : A one-short about Ernst and Heinrich (and, by association, Stocke and Heiss) because I guess that’s what I always write about in this damn fandom.

This Sweet Corrupting Reality : Basically the only parallel history I would have liked to see in Perfect Chronology, that is, Stocke wakes up and realizes he is now King Ernst of Granorg.

[that-wildwolf]

Tea as metaphor for love? Oh do tell! *so into this*

OH BOY okay get ready for this because I've been waiting to nerd out about this for SO LONG

Sorry it took me so long to answer, but I had to take a while to organise my thoughts on this because I have so many!!!! So here's the theme of tea in Edge of Yesterday and how it symbolises love and affection for Shepard, Garrus, and mostly Hannah.

First, laying out the land AKA the story and the characters. The story can be divided into three acts:

act 1, where Shepard is juxtaposed with a past she doesn't remember (and grows to resent as time goes by). This part is essentially an ongoing crisis for her (and, though to a lesser degree, for Garrus), where they just get worse and worse until things inevitably reach their breaking point. There are several main character POVs along the way, but Shepard, Garrus, and Hannah come up most often.

act 2, where Shepard is mentally in a better place and is getting the help she needs, but has to deal with the repercussions of everything she did during act 1. After she drove nearly everyone away, act 2 is filled with loneliness. The setting of the large bustling city feels empty now, and Shepard and Garrus are the only two remaining main characters. This part focuses mostly on fixing their relationship, and showing Shepard's willing to change and get better.

and act 3, which leads into the ending and focuses mostly on advancing the plot, as well as Shepard's confrontation with her past. This one's... a work in progress.

The theme of tea — which means more the act of offering tea to someone than drinking it for the purpose of this post — comes into play largely during act 1 and as a narrative device, helps with the shift between act 1 and act 2.

Here's where the characters are at: When Shepard was a little kid, her mother would give her peppermint tea when she was upset, so she has learned to connect that taste (and the act of Warm Bevarage™) to familial love and acceptance. But then Shepard grew up and she and her mom drift apart and lose all the closeness they had when she was younger. This changes after Shepard dies. Especially during ME3, the two of them grow close again, and though they're both kind of emotionally repressed still, they're getting there.

So Hannah is now close with her daughter and wants to work on their relationship and put in that effort, but Shepard has effectively reverted to who she used to be. She doesn't trust that her mother has good intentions, so she's more likely to reject that love and affection. That's where Garrus comes into play. He and Hannah have just spent several months together, and have learned to trust each other. All that potential love Hannah has for her daughter she can give to Garrus. And Garrus, who is about just as emotionally repressed as Shepard, is looking for connection right now. He's all alone on an alien world, has no idea if his family is alright or even alive, and has just lost the person he loves.

Garrus wants someone who would be there for him now that Shepard isn't, but he would never seek that out on his own. And Hannah is hurting but also willing to do the heavy lifting in her relationship with Shepard — and has grown to care about Garrus over the last year.

This is where we reach the first breaking point, the chapter Hoping. When Shepard and Garrus inevitably meet and kind-of-sort-of talk, both of them get hurt and both of them try to deal with it how they can. After Tali's well-meaning but ill-timed advice in Hurt, Garrus decides that the best way to forget his pain is to get very drunk, and Shepard, after getting a panic attack as soon as she made it home, calls her mom.

Hannah comes by to find Shepard completely stressed out and panicked, angry and sad and her emotions all over the place — and the first thing she does is offer to make her a cup of tea. This is what she's always done to calm her down, and it's her way of showing support and love. Shepard initially accepts — she instictively, deep inside, wants to feel some support and affection in a situation where it seems like she's completely alone — but when things become to real for her to handle, she ultimately rejects Hannah's well-meaning support.

Now everyone is hurting, but Hannah does one last thing. Even though her affection has just been rejected by Shepard, she worries about Garrus. In the next chapter, when Hannah brought Garrus home to take care of him, the first thing she does is make him a cup of tea just like she did with Shepard in the previous chapter. Garrus at that moment becomes essentially a second chance for her to do something good. Like Shepard, he's close enough with her that she's protective of him like she would be of her own child. Like Shepard, he's been hurt and she extends her affection and support to him, and offers him a cup of tea. Unlike Shepard, he accepts that love.

Tea comes up a few more times over the next few chapters, but only between Garrus and Hannah. After Shepard had refused that cup of tea, her relationship with her mother has grown more distant again — the exact way she had perceived it to be. A self-fulfilling prophecy, in a way. So while the theme of tea isn't gone completely, it's out of Shepard's reach. Even when she and Garrus more or less start getting along again in Find My Way Home, they go out for coffee instead.

Tea comes up again two more times: once at the very end of act 1, and once at the beginning of act 2. The first act ends with Shepard in the hospital again and, more importantly, with Garrus blaming himself for it. But just when he thinks he's alone in this, Hannah shows up by his side with words of encouragement and a cup of tea. He goes to see Shepard immediately after that.

 After the timeskip at the beginning of act 2, tea comes up one last time. Despite everything she'd gone through, Shepard is now going to therapy and slowly but steadily getting her life back on track. A peaceful scene: Shepard is now at home, alone, making some tea for herself. After starting to heal and beginning to accept herself (and, to a small degree, also her past), she's comfortable with herself. She finally is in a place where she has love to give.

And when Garrus comes by in that same chapter, the first thing she does is offer him a cup of tea.

OKAY there it was, a very chaotic very quickly written rambly meta post about my own fic. Thank you so much for enabling me @wingsy-keeper-of-songs this has been burning a hole in my brain for sooooo long

also idk fic link here in case this was confusing and you had no idea what the hell im talking about lmao [Edge of Yesterday | AO3]

[theoriginalladya]

Where's Serafina's fave place to be, in all of the galaxy? Who would she show it to?

Oh, goodness, ask the tough ones why don't you?! LOL

I suppose that depends on several factors: which universe she is in and who she is with. Let me see if I can sort this out some...

To top things off, no matter which universe she is in, in order to be a favorite place, her twin needs to be nearby (translation: within easy visiting distance). She and Sean grow up inseparable and that does translate over to their adult lives for the most part, though once enlisted, obviously, they are at the whim of the Alliance. They make do, but reunions take on a special importance to them, usually filled with huge hugs and finding time to just sit together and BE. They don't have to talk because just having the other in touching distance (back to back, shoulder to shoulder, something like that) speaks volumes to them because they are never fully happy unless they are 'whole' (each is a half of that whole, if that makes sense). Thankfully, no matter who each ends up with, the other gets along with them so having the twin around isn't like having a third wheel or anything for the LI.

In her main universe where she is The Shepard and she ends up the human Councilor after the war, her favorite place in all the galaxy is probably the Alenko family orchard. After the attack on Mindoir, she and Sean are taken there by Anderson (who knows Kaidan's dad). Kaidan is not there, he's off on his 'messed up kid' years, so for two years until Serafina and Sean enlist at 18, they are there. I'm still trying to resort this out for her and Sean - I've written it up for my previous version of Serafina, but there will need to be a few changes to include Sean in the new version. After the war, I see her and Kaidan taking their four kids back to the orchard whenever they can - a place to get away from the Citadel, to be themselves, to be with Kaidan's mom and occasionally Sean and his partner, Coats. [[when Sean is The Shepard, he's still with Coats, so it stays pretty much the same, though I'm not 100% sure if she ends up Councilor in that 'verse or not just yet]]

In the universe where she and Sean are best friends with Lachlan and Iain Shepard, I would have to say her favorite place would be the Highlands of Scotland. The four of them - Sera, Sean, Lachlan, Iain - are all from Mindoir, but their families have deep roots back to Scotland. Serafina and Caleb (her LI in that 'verse) end up going to track down long lost family members after the war. Sean is around somewhere (not sure who he ends up with in that 'verse yet), but for the most part it's just Serafina and Caleb. Though, I will add that he does take her back to Ireland at some point and she does fall in love with it there, too. :)

Serafina has many many places in the galaxy she loves to visit, don't get me wrong. For example, she absolutely LOVED Eletania...except for the killer pollen. LOL Illium is one she finds fascinating, though only in small doses. But her 'favorite places' tend to be places where she is with the people she loves - it's more who she is with rather than where she is, if that makes sense?

As a side note: In the ME/WWII 'verse, her favorite place is this tiny little bookshop tucked away in the Latin quarter in Paris, France both before and after the war. It's family run and they somehow survive the occupation, and once in a while Serafina will convince her husband (Iain Shepard in that 'verse) that they need to go back to Paris for a visit.

I hope this answers what you were looking for! <3 Thanks so much for asking about my girl!!!

[gravesitegarl]

I decided to do an ask game but instead of having you all ask questions, I just filled it out for the fun of it. I enjoy talking about my f/os, I also changed up my f/o list(that I just made because I’m an indecisive mofo). And I’m only doing this with my romantic or romaplatonic(romantic & platonic) f/os.

Nancy Wheeler

Billy Hargrove

Eugene Ottinger

Glen & Glenda Tilly

🧸Pick out a plushie to give to your F/O. What is it?

—A little stuffed dog, something soft and small. Something to replace a lack of a pet

—A soft teddy bear, something simple but nice. He doesn’t like people fussy over him

—A stuffed bee or otter, my cute little Ottie deserves the best and everything he wants

—matching teddy bears, probably green and purple velveteen bears

🃏 You have to buy a gag gift for your F/O to make them laugh or embarrass them. What do you get?

—probably a book of useless information, that’d get a laugh out of her

—Probably a novelty keychain

—No gag gifts, only soft cute things to make my baby boy happy

—finger trap & fake knife respectfully

🔎 Your F/O has been replaced by a doppelganger or double of some sort. What tips you off that something's wrong?

—she calls me by my first name

—refuses tummy rubs and cuddles

—no hello kiss

—quieter than usual & more snarky than usual

📽️ How would your F/O react if you showed them their canon show/books/game etc?

—she’d indulge me and probably get somewhat interested

—fully indulge, though maybe make a couple snarky comments 

—he and I bonded over shared interests at the start of our relationship, he already loves my interests

—indulge me and encourage me & make a bunch of snarky comments but eventually get into it

👨‍👦You're meeting your F/Os parents. How's it go?

—½ well, I’d probably punch Ted

—I don’t meet his parents, he knows I’d kill Neil and say things I probably shouldn’t

—Very well! Her mothers already know plenty about me

—50/50 depends on how their mom is feeling

🧚 Fairytale AU! What fairytale or folktale would you and your F/O get put into?

—Snow White

—Sleeping Beauty

—Beauty & The Beast

—Alice in Wonderland

🏫 High school AU! You and your F/O meet on the first day of high school. What's your meet cute?

—I bump into her accidentally and help her pick up her books

—I’m his english teacher, he likes me immediately

—we have class together, he sits next to me

—they protect me from someone and then immediately ask me to be friends with them

🎮 Video game Isekai! You and your F/O get dropped into the last video game you played, how does it go? If it's your F/Os source, imagine you can change the outcome.

——Pokemon

—She’d be a little nervous but we’d work well

—he’s fight the nearest fighting type and make it fight literally everything

—He and I would try to fill up the Pokédex in any way we could, animals lovers having fun

—All im gonna say is…Team Rocket

🛌 Pick out bedroom decor, sheets etc for a shared bedroom between you and your F/O.

—soft pastels, soft everything

—messy, darker colors, dark wood

—natural colors, lots of pillows and stuffies

—flashy but comfortable, overdramatic furniture 

🍿What's your F/Os favorite movie? If they don't watch movies what do you think their favorite WOULD be?

—The Breakfast Club

—Godzilla

—Atlantis

—Heathers(1989)

🍩 What's your F/Os favorite type of donut?

—strawberry icing plain

—doesn’t eat donuts

—Strawberry cream filled with vanilla icing

—bagels

😼 Your F/O is now a furry. What species of hybrid are they? If they're already a furry, pick a different species for them.

—Cat(Ragdoll)

—dog(German Shepard)

—bunny(dwarf lop)

—Cats(twin Siamese)

🥳 How does your F/O react to having 'Happy Birthday's sung to them in public?

—hates it

—hates it

—absolutely loves it

—hates it

🦸How does you F/O feel about marvel movies?

—hates them

—like the effects, thinks the plot is ass

—thinks they’re scary

—loves the aesthetics, hates everything else

☠️ You and your F/O have to win a game contest against a powerful entity. What game do you pick in order to win?

—chess

—red rover

—Pictionary

—monopoly

👺 Cryptid AU! Make up a spooky rumor that would circulate about your F/O if they were a cryptid.

—collects haunted objects

—cannibal

—he’s mothman

—twin ghosts

🍼 You and your F/O have to babysit together. how's it go?

—goes well

—doesn’t happen

—goes okay

—goes surprisingly well

🍖 Your F/O has to make dinner for you both. What do they make and how's it go?

—something on the simpler side, but nice

—fancy AF, probably pasta with pesto

—simple noodle dish

—doesn’t cook

-🐺

[zet-sway]

It only took me like four months, but I finally answered the legendary @spookyvalentine's first 50 Shep questions.

50 QUESTIONS FOR SHEPARD

December Shepard | Part 1

1. Why did Shepard enlist? Any regrets?

Mom and dad are both military and she grew up with other military kids. Her mother basically told her she was going to enlist, and enrolled her in pre-military schooling programs. Her dad made her excited about it by telling her she could work on fighters.

She wishes she could have done more planetside traveling before she enlisted.

2. How does your Shepard feel about having a yeoman assigned to them in 2? And in 3?

Kelly assigned to her feels weird. On paper, Kelly is there to staff the ship like anyone else. But Shepard feels weird about it, like she's there to conduct some kind of undead performance review. Eventually, Shepard asks her not to ask intrusive questions, and they hash out how to best communicate and work together :)

3. What's their relationship with Anderson?

Dad. Actually, very dad because December's dad passed away before she enlisted. Anderson was on good terms with both her parents.

4. Is your Shepard any good at poker?

She's okay at it.

5. How well does Shepard know their crew? Not just the companions, but the folks making up the Normandy

She knew her crew on the SR1 very well and served with many of them on prior missions. On the SR2, she tries her best. Being resurrected and thrust into a whole new crew is exhausting - particularly because many of them don't have military backgrounds, meaning Shepard can't just fall back on second-nature alliance officer habits. The new team requires a lot of investment to bring everyone together in a cohesive unit.

On a personal "human" level, tries to know them as personally as is practical. In particular, she tries to find out what kinds of little things they enjoy so she can try and bring some small comforts on board from them (put that Cerberus procurement budget to good use lmao).

6. Initial reaction to EDI? Does it change?

At first, EDI answers a lot of questions with non-answers due to her code restrictions, and because of this, Shepard has a hard time differentiating her from a VI. Once these restrictions are removed, Shepard begins to understand that EDI has a will of her own, which is a little spooky at first. EDI's choice to side with Shepard instead of the illusive man does a lot to boost Shepard's trust in her.

EDI obtaining a body really helps Shepard fully realize her. Humans are funny like that. Seeing her moving and talking really drives home the understanding of her as an autonomous individual.

7. Does their love interest move into their quarters?

YUP. Shep and Thane really have a hard time keeping their hands off one another for a while lolllll

8. What is their reaction to the Alchera mission? And after?

:)))))) I wrote a fic about this!! Tldr there's a lot of introspection, a lot of silent tears, and a lot of throwing herself into work to forget about it (spoiler alert she can't just forget about it lol).

9. What type of fighter is your shepard? Do they fight with honor, or do they fight dirty

December would love to live in a world where "honorable" gets the job done, but it's not always that simple. Honorable is great until it means causing unnecessary deaths and risking mission failure. There's an exception to every rule. Sometimes you gotta fight dirty.

10. Does Shepard keep any pets? The hamster, fish, something else?

No pets. She's definitely a dog person, but keeping a dog in space is really hard.

Fish - yeah. But only after someone else agrees to feed them. She's keenly aware that bringing a whole entire living animal on board will require energy that she's already scraping the bottom of the barrel for.

Shep @ Cerberus: "Love the cabin, but a fish tank? Really?"

11. What order does Shepard pick up companions in me2?

I haven't given this too much thought honestly. In my longfic, Thane is recruited before horizon, but I never explain why. I'd probably have to write some manner of mission critical thing on Illium, or place Thane on Omega.

Actually, it would be fun to entertain the idea of Thane being hired to assassinate Archangel, Shepard going to intercept him, and somehow she ends up recruiting them both. But in any regard, Mordin is definitely a first pick from a strategic standpoint.

12. Does Shepard have any nicknames? What do they think of em?

Joker calls her "Big D" because he's joker and it's hilarious.

In basic, they called her "girl scout" because she was a stickler for rules, even when no one was looking (side effect of having a very strict mom). Since her family was military, more than a few people knew she had officers for parents. Drill Sargent gave her hell for it.

13. How does your Shep react to teasing/ribbing?

Rule number one is never let them see you upset. Her crew tease her constantly for being tight-assed and she just smiles and laughs. Ninety-five percent of the time she doesn't tease back - which is why it's a hundred times funnier when she does.

14. Any good at flirting?

N O P E. She'll find "work-related" reasons to keep interacting with a given person long before she'll admit that she's just doing it because she's got a crush.

15. What colors does Shepard prefer for their armor?

Standard issue red/black/gray. Fashion (or rather, her attempts at fashion) is for civvies lol

16. Is Shepard a drinker? History of other substances? Do they struggle with sobriety

She's an on again off again smoker. Not much of a drinker, and she says Cerberus had a conspiracy to prevent her from becoming drunk and risking the mission (she's bitter about it).

17. How does Shepard react to attention? Do they enjoy it?

Like most of us, she would like to be recognized for her accomplishments, but all she really wants is a thank you from time to time. She doesn't like crowds, and she doesn't like excessive displays of attention. Thane is very affectionate and at first it's overwhelming for her - but she grows to cherish it in private moments.

After the war, she hates giving public appearances.

18. Who’s the dream team? Which companions does Shepard fight best with and why?

ME1: Kaidan, Ashley, Garrus

ME2: Mordin, Garrus, Tali, Jacob, and later Miranda

ME3: Ashley, Garrus, Tali, Thane

Honestly, all of the crew is great, but these are the people she would want on her team if she were to become disabled during a mission for whatever reason. Folks she can trust to make good decisions in the absence of explicit guidance.

I would be here all day explaining the nuance of every pick, but suffice to say, Shepard has a preference for those with military backgrounds, and her trust is earned by others as time progresses.

19. Are there any companions your Shepard just absolutely cannot vibe with or relate to

This question broke my brain. I probably wrote and deleted at least 700 words. Tldr Shepard takes longer to trust some of her companions, but eventually she'd trust them all with her life.

20. Does Shepard enjoy looking for resources and upgrading gear, or do they see it as a chore?

She loves getting new gear lol but she hates planet scanning. She'd rather go down to the surface herself and look for it.

21. Do you have any AUs for your shepard?

Maybe a destiny 2 crossover.

I suppose there's my torchwood crossover, but that Shepard is a separate character entirely.

22. What’s the last thing Shepard ate before the final reaper showdown?

She had a cup of coffee and a cigarette. If she thought about it too hard, she wouldn't have been able to leave the ship.

24. Who does Shepard turn to for advice? For comfort? Who do they like to gossip with

STEVE CORTEZ. They were childhood friends and served on the SSV Hawking together. (I'm aware there is likely a big age gap between them but I'm ignoring this and saying they grew up together, with Steve being maybe four years older than her).

Liara too because she is so honest and empathetic and learning painful lessons right alongside her. Garrus is also great for grounding her when the hard decisions start to really hurt.

Feron, and Kasumi, Tali, and Wrex are the gossip friends lol

25. How emotionally articulate is your Shepard? Do they emote well?

Not very. She's more emotionally articulate than she thinks she is, but the words are uncomfortable in her mouth.

26. Does your Shepard have a romance? Who are they, and what drew Shep to them?

Thane :)))))))) she likes spending time with him because he radiates peace (even if he doesn't feel like he does) and gives her space for her thoughts. Thane is one of very few people she can enjoy comfortable silence with, and after a while, he feels more like a friend than a teammate.

They're unexpected pair, but they really do find time to understand one another and grow.

His stories of his life widen her view of her own upbringing, in a way. Though they have very different upbringings, they're similar in some unexpected ways. Being selected in one way or another, having a mountain of expectations placed on them at an early age, distant or unavailable parents and strict, minimalist lives. They're also an excellent match for cohabitating because they both grew up with disciplined lifestyles, so there's very little friction as far as their day to day private lives go.

Shepard isn't religious but she doesn't despite religion either, so there's a mental vacancy in her that his spirituality can exist in.

Their values are the same or close to it, at the end of the day. They both want to create good in the world, they both value inter-species cooperation (headcanon that drell in particular are like "why aren't all these idiots working together yet"), they both value the mental rigor of principles. By the time she meets him, they've been brought so low by their own traumas that they're ready to challenge their own unhealthy understandings of the world. They grow together.

However, these two chucklefucks danced around their affection for one another until Thane nearly died on the disabled collector ship. The thin atmosphere would have been fine if they hadn't needed to literally run for their lives when they discovered the trap. In the end, Shepard had to physically carry him back to the shuttle. After that, their feelings crashed into one another so hard Thane nearly left the team (he's like "Holy shit I'm so full of oxytocin for Shepard that I'm worried it's gonna compromise the mission).

It worked out in the end, and maybe one day I'll actually write that fic 🫠

27. Do they have any pet peeves?

Lots. And in basic training, she learned never to make them known, or people would find ways to use them against her.

In the alliance she was the one who would call you out for not wearing your uniform correctly. I read this quote recently that said something along the lines of "if you can't make these decisions when times are easy, how will you handle hard choices when the going gets tough?" A bit of a hard-assed way of looking at things and definitely gets her some eyerolling, but that's who she is - she's there to complete a mission and everything else is secondary.

If you don't care about getting the mission done in one way or another, it's a cold shoulder at best. At worst, a swift kick off the boat at the nearest stop.

28. What about hyperfixations? What’s the topic that will get Shepard rolling no matter the person or place

Engineering, spaceships, and the lack of adequate water pressure in the showers, the smell of whatever the fuck dextro shit Garrus has for breakfast every morning.

29. How active is Shepard? Are they hitting the gym, playing sports, or do they prefer quieter downtime?

She'd rather be in the field than doing paperwork. She counts on her morning PT to wake her up and make her feel human.

I honestly think she would do sports but I am so sports illiterate that I'm not sure how to elaborate on that point.

30. What will always make them laugh

Joke format: "If you (blank) when you (blank), you might be an N7." And basically any other "it's funnier if you're military" type jokes that she finds intensely relatable.

31. Who can always make them laugh?

Joker, Garrus, Ashley, and later, Thane. Anderson had some great ones too (all her good jokes came from him lol)

32. What do they do when they have hit their limit angry, just incandescent with rage

On a good day, "I should go." On a bad day, she's likely to say something she'll regret. Stuck in the field with no way to remove herself and self-soothe? She'll wind herself up so tight that she snaps at the crew to cut all comms chatter, or she'll find something to nitpick about. She's very uncomfortable to be around when she's mad like this.

33. What skills do they have that are a surprise to the people around them?

She can hotwire an atlas mech. In her first tour, she drew her own training diagrams by hand for ship maintenance newbies. She makes really great sunshine toast.

Also, any N7 can strip and reassemble their weapons quickly, but she's especially fast at it.

34. Got any tattoos?

Nope, her parents would have killed her tbh and now she simply doesn't have the time. If she had time she'd likely get her father's ship tattooed on her arm (a decision likely to upset her mother even after the war).

35. Which companions have they lost? How do they cope with it?

No one because I'm the author and I make the rules loooolll

Ok but she lost her father, whom she was very close to, when she was a teenager.

36. Do they like to style their hair, wear makeup and jewlery? How do they feel about getting dressed up?

December has zero fashion sense and she consistently prioritizes comfort and utility over fashion. Her closet is full of standard issue light duty uniforms. For formal occasions she'll wear her dress blues.

I kinda headcanon that semi-permanent makeup is very common in the mass effect timeline. I think she gets her eyes and brows done because she likes how they look but can't be bothered to do her makeup every day.

Her hair is just naturally Great because Shepard is in some ways a power fantasy for me and if I could change my fucking hair to require no maintenance, I fucking would oh my god Oh My God

Good luck getting her into a dress. It isn't that she hates them, they are just unusual and uncomfortable for her.

Cortez: "Shepard its exactly like those huge t-shirts you wear to bed except it's meant to be worn in public

Shepard: ಠ⁠_⁠ಠ

Later in life, she finds time to step outside her comfort zone

37. Got any bad habits?

Thane is big mad about her cigarettes. She quits for him long before he says anything but he's like "by amonkira's asshole, how could you do that to yourself"

38. Does Shepard do any activities with the companions and crew during downtime?

Before she died, she was more inclined to take leisure time. After being resurrected, she keeps busy busy to keep her mind off things. She really loves when people organize some kind of group thing on the ship, whether it's card games or movie night

39. Do they keep around any sentimental items?

On the SR1 she had a model of the ship her father served on. She looked for it in the ruins on alchera but didn't find it. Besides this, she keeps her original dog tags from before she died. The helmet she found on alchera is just a spare, because she was still wearing her helmet when her body was retrieved. She keeps that too, but it's in a box with the rest of the creepy reminders of her death that she can't bring herself to get rid of.

40. Does your Shepard actually like to collect model ships? If not, what do they display?

She looooooooves model ships. She will annoyingly point out errors in model ship design compared to real ships.

41. How is Shepard with a gun? What about hand to hand?

She's as adept in both of these as any other N7 would be. She tries not to fight anything hand to hand because most of the things she's fighting are bigger and stronger than her, and it makes sense to keep her distance. She's not especially great at stealth but she does know how to disable unsuspecting targets, break wrists, and chokehold most things with a humanoid neck (she doesn't know that choking a drell is especially difficult though lol). Her aim wasn't the best in her class, but it's good enough.

42. Favorite weapon?

Her favorite gun is the one that shoots where she points it, drops a heat sink when she unloads it, and picks right back up when she slams a new one. Reliable is the name of the game.

The basic bitch M8 assault rifle is never unappreciated in Shepard's hands.

43. Which version of the Normandy do they like best?

The SR1. The SR2 may be more comfortable, but she misses the days when she didn't know about the impending apocalypse.

44. Do they like to rotate out companions for quests? Who do they bring the most?

It's always about bringing the right people for the job. But she definitely does synchronize with some better than others. Garrus and Ashley, for example. Jacob and Miranda are also excellent picks.

The remaining crew are also great, but it takes time to cross the cultural divides and fall into the rhythm with them. I'm almost exclusively talking about communication here. Different species naturally have different speech and behavior patterns that initially cause some confusion, but can be overcome. For this reason, Shepard uses ""easy"" missions to test the waters with new crew members and work out how to best communicate with them.

45. Do they approve of curing the genophage?

Absolutely - but she's really counting on Wrex to reach a diplomatic solution to krogan expansion.

The decisions she makes in curing the genophage will impact the galaxy for centuries after she's dead, and Shepard is very aware of that.

In a way, she wishes this decision wasn't placed on her. She feels like she lacks the necessary years and cultural understanding of all parties involved. In her opinion, the issue should have been resolved a long time ago and she's actually bitter with Mordin for hiding his head in the sand for so long. It's horrifying to condemn an entire species to a slow and withering death. The salarians used them to fight a war, and when the war was won, refused to witness them as an intelligent species with a rich culture. Humans absolutely did not cause this, and now she's being made to solve a problem that's been festering for years.

46. Does Shepard allow the rachni to live in me1?

She tells the alliance that the queen "escaped." In her mind, the long term consequences of this decision absolutely warranted more serious consideration. But the rachni queen didn't just speak to her through a corpse, she touched her mind and sang to her. She sang to every person in that room, and to this day the Noveria fireteam remembers this in whispers. Shepard simply could not bring herself to drown her.

47. Does Shepard practice any kind of self-care?

Shepard will tell you she doesn't have the luxury of self care, but it's because she misunderstands the meaning of the question. To her, self-care is when you do something nice for yourself because you want it. She sees her wants as secondary to the needs of those around her.

However, she's clear about the difference between wants and needs, and she makes space to address her needs. She needs hygiene, food, sleep, and exercise. She's meticulous about her nutrition and her vitals. It's actually annoying to those around her, especially when she refuses to acknowledge the "little things" as important.

When was the last time she ate her favorite foods? The last time she took a break to do something that made her feel good? Indulgence feels shameful when she does finally cave. She runs away from the guilt by doubling down on work.

It's not enough to crush her, but it's enough for Thane to step in and show her she needs to be loved, too.

48. What abilities do they rely on the most in a fight?

Awareness and a clear head are more important than biotics, tech, and guns. Her team is counting on her to think four steps ahead.

49. What is Shepard’s happy ending? What’s the dream that keeps em going

It takes her a long time to figure this out.

The chase for Saren and Sovereign was a wild tumble of events that became utterly surreal the moment she was promoted to Spectre. In the early days, it was just a very crazy mission. It wasn't until after Virmire that she realized the scale of the threat they'd uncovered. It consumed her like nothing had before. Every amount of leisure she tried to take for herself was overshadowed by the doomsday clock in her mind. For her, the future was to defeat the reapers or die trying.

When she did die trying, she woke up again feeling raw, lost, and disoriented. The fight lost its meaning. She changed in ways she'd never imagined, and eventually found purpose in fighting for every person who had mourned her for the two years she was gone. It's an emotional tightrope she has to walk, keeping herself motivated without falling into the trauma of resurrection.

CW SUICIDE BELOW, PROCEED CAREFULLY.

In the end, she never imagined she would live to see the other side of the war. Her death on the SR1 really drove home the nature of her vulnerability, to the extent that she works with Miranda and Mordin to develop a "killswitch," so if she ever becomes trapped again without hope of survival, she can end it quickly. Similar to cyanide pills given to agents going behind enemy lines. Put simply, she never wants to suffocate alone in space again.

And this is why I've spent so long agonizing over my retirement fics. Once a happy ending is thrust upon her, she needs to figure out how to navigate a world she prepared everyone but herself for. In those moments, Thane is the one who keeps her going.

50. Is your Shepard indoctrinated?

This question keeps her up at night. She doesn't feel indoctrinated, but how can she really know for sure?

Maybe she is a little indoctrinated - maybe that's why she never prepared herself for peace.

(+1: what does Shepard smell like?)

Vanilla and heat sinks

[theoutsiderspbj]

Chapter 4 johnnys POV:

What do I say? He just asked me if I liked anyone. 

“Yeah kinda, I’m not sure” I replied, I thought that was the best I could say without saying something i might regret.   He nodded his head. “Do I know the girl?” He asked.

Oh crap what do I say know. I can’t just tell him it’s a boy he might hate me and I can’t risk that. “In a way” I replied. 

He looked down, he kinda looked sad. But why would he be sad? He doesn’t like me. “Do you like anyone?” I asked. He looked back up. “I’m not sure” he replied. I wouldn’t be surprised if it was the Shepard girl, I forgot her name though. “Oh okay” I sighed. 

“Do you wanna go back to my place?” Pony asked me. “You can, I need to get back to my house before my parents sue over “kidnapping” but I’ll see you later” I replied standing up. We started walking together and parted when I reached my house. 

As soon as I walked in I wished I could walk back out. All I could smell was alcohol and rotten food that just sits there. The floor was covered in broken glass from beer bottles and there was a few blood stains on the walls. 

My dad was passed out on the couch, holding a half full beer bottle. I wasn’t sure where my mom was and it wouldn’t surprise me if she was with another guy. 

I walked Into my room and sat on my bed. I laid down on my back looking at the ceiling. I was laying there peacefully until I heard heavy footsteps coming towards my room. 

Suddenly the door flue open and my dad stumbled in looking drunk, which isn’t surprising. “Oh look who decided to come back, miss not having people take care of you?” He said half yelling. 

That’s Ironic, I thought. Since when did they ever take care of me? “You gonna speak up or not?” He asked his voice getting louder with every word. 

I just stared at him, trying to act tough and not break in front of him. 

I felt something hard hit my face. He had punched me in the nose and then started kicking me. He beat me until I couldn’t feel anything.

He left my room while I still lay there. I tried to move but everything hurt. I laid there for around an hour before I was able to get up. 

I slowly stood up but it felt like knifes were going into every part of my body. I needed to get to Pony’s house, he’ll be able to help me but I don’t know how I’m going to do that. 

I limped through my house, I found my dad passed out on the couch again. I stumbled through the door and down the stairs. 

I slowly walked towards Pony’s house, it felt like a year had passed by the time I could see his house from a distance. I suddenly got a little hopeful as if I might be able to make it. 

I approached his house, once I got the stairs I tried to walk up them but I lost my balance and feel on the stair. I felt something hard hit my head before all I could see was darkness. 

“Johnny?” I heard a familiar voice say. I opened my eyes to see I was in the Curtis living room and Ponyboy was sitting next to me holding an ice bag to one of my bruises. “Hey Johnnycake, what happened?” He asked, putting the ice and wrapping a cloth around my arm.

“My dad beat me, nothing unusual” I shrugged. “You know we could always go to the cops and have a court set up and Darry could get custody over you?” He said. “I know but I don’t wanna be a bother and another mouth to feed.” I replied, getting a sigh from Pony.

“You’re never a bother, and we’d be happy to take you in knowing you wouldn’t get hurt anymore” he said looking at me. “I know” I said sighing.

I felt really bad. Every time my dad beats me Pony always takes care of me even if he has better things to do. “Why do you take care of me? I don’t deserve this” I asked. 

He looked at me confused. “Your my best friend Johnnycake, I’m always gonna be here for you no matter the day, time, or place. And you do deserve to be taken care of, it’s not your fault you parents are Awful to you, they don’t deserve you” I had tears in my eyes at that point. “You mean it?” I asked “of course Johnny, your the best friend anyone could ever have” 

The tears in my eyes started to fall, I tightly pulled Pony Into a hug. I didn’t want to pull away he made me feel like I actually was worth something and not just some abused worthless kid. He hugged back and started rubbing my back comfortingly. 

“Your sleeping here tonight” he claimed. I pulled back from the hug. “No it’s fine I’ll just sleep in the lot” he shook his head. 

“It’s cold outside, soda’s staying with Two-bit tonight and Darry’s working for another hour you can sleep with me sense soda’s not gonna come back” he explained. My cheeks went a little red and I guessed he noticed. “If your okay with that” he added quickly. 

“Alright fine” I mumbled feeling embarrassed that I had to stay with him because my own parents wouldn’t let me stay. “Do you wanna go to bed now?” He asked.

“Sure” I replied as we both stood up and went to his and Soda’s room. Once we were both ready to go to sleep we laid down. “Goodnight Johnnycake”

“Goodnight Ponyboy” I closed my eyes and feel asleep a few moments later.

Im sorry it took me a while to put this up, i finally got time to work on it. i dont know when ill put up chapter 5, but i will try to put it up soon.

[julessworldd]

girl could you do an Eddie Munson fic where they're being all cute and listening to records and stuff because I am falling hard lol

Eddie, my love 🥺🥺 this is so cute anony!!

Warnings: drug taking, kissing, almost smut, cussing, Eddie being the sweetest man around.

Eddie Munson x GN!reader/Robin’s cousin

It was cold, rainy day in Hawkins.. Autumn had started, my favorite season.. the weather, flannels, hot drinks, crunchy leaves, Eddie and I’s anniversary. My cousin, Robin was working a shift at family video, her mom/my aunt and was working out of town. Leaving me by my lonesome, perfect if you ask me. Only if I had Eddie and a shared blunt.

I stole a pair of black gym shorts from Robin and slipped a Hellfire shirt on. “Hey Wayne, is Eddie around?”, I asked leaning over the couch. “Alright see ya. Hello?”, Eddie said. “Come over, I’m lonely!”, I pouted. “Oh hi love! You miss me?”, Eddie teased, I knew he was biting his lip from laughing. “Yes, now come over! Robin is at work and my aunt won’t be back until Monday”, I sighed. “On my way, don’t move, Y/n!”, Eddie said. “Hey don’t forgot the weed, Edward!”, I yelled before he hung up.

It was 6:45pm, Robin wouldn’t be home until 10-10:30 depending if Steve stopped for food. Eddie would be here any minute, I put ‘Halloween’ in waiting for Eddie to start it. There was knock, “Come in” Eddie shut the door behind him, “Hello my darling!” Jagger, Robin’s German Shepard barked as she seen Eddie. “Hi sugar, miss me? Y/n hasn’t been loving have they. I’m sorry”, Eddie was on the floor, rubbing Jag’s belly as she flipped to her back. “Where’s my belly rubs, Munson?”, I asked. Eddie winked, “Sorry baby, here”, Eddie crawled over and kissed me. “Missed you” “Missed you too, darling”, Eddie kissed me again. “I put ‘Halloween’ in if you wanna start it?”, I suggested. “Maybe later when Robin gets home? I wanna show you a new tape I got”, Eddie grinned. “Sure who is it?”, I smiled. “Ratt”, Eddie rubbed my thighs. I drugged him to my room. “Wanna roll this time, love?”, Eddie asked revealing a dime bag. “Sure, put the tape in Eds”, I said grabbing my grinder.

“I feel like I’m on a river, that’s all colorful and sparkly.. wish life was like that, Eddie”, I giggled. “No more for you, baby”, Eddie grabbed the blunt from my hand. “What? No gimme”, I rolled over, trying to get it back from him. “Sorry cheerleader”, Eddie smirked. “You’re mean”, I pouted. Eddie was laying on his back, grinning at the ceiling. Bowie and Motley Crue were burning a hole into his chest. “Would you leave me for Nikki Sixx?”, Eddie blurted out.

“What?”, I giggled. “You heard me? I mean I get it if you did, he’s rich, tall, more attractive then me”, Eddie sighed. “Eddie, knock it off. I love you, not Nikki. He’s cool, but you’re a lot cooler”, I smiled, sitting on his abdomen. “I love you too, Y/n” I grinned. “See something you like, baby?”, Eddie gripped my hips. I could feel his rings cutting through my shorts(Robin’s rather). “Maybe, I do lover boy”, I giggled. I bent down to capture his lips into mine, sooner or later we started making out. Losing track of time, when my cousin would be home.

“Y/n? I’m home, I got food”

“Y/n? Hi Jag”

“Hey- oh fuck, sorry!”, Robin shut the door.

Eddie busted out laughing, I turned my head to see my door shutting as Robin left. “At least, we weren’t fucking” I slapped his chest, walking towards the door. “Shut up! Just act normal, I gotta check on her. My aunt would kill me if Robin had crooked out.” I rolled my eyes, fixing my clothes and hair.

“Robin, I’m sorry. We lost track of time tonight”, I said standing at her door. She groaned, opening the door, “You’re lucky I love you, Y/n” “I love you too Robby! Again sorry for making you wanna stab your eyes out after work. What’s for dinner?”, I hugged her. “Leftover pizza, Steve ordered it” “Oh gross, Harrington likes mushrooms!”, I whined. “I made him get ham and pepperoni for us” “You’re the best, Rob!” “Eddie, come on there’s pizza!”

[pumpkinsy0]

haitian shepards strap in my lil sonic rings

•okok ALL the shepards know how to do meringue (thats angelas favorite)

•ok i already established before that their mom would leave to go to haiti for the carnivals (do not ask about where the money came from) so she would always record them for memories sake and they would all go ahead and just watch them to look at all the pretty costumes and dances

•angela would literally ALWAYS b entranced by the dancers and sometimes she would take her moms old dresses she had back in haiti (they dont fit her anymore so angela keeps em now) and try to dance like them just bc

•she loves the way the dress twirls ok????

•fun fact: the videos were the way she found out how to do the danse paysanne and tchaka dances :D

•ANGELA WEARS WAIST BEADS IDC IDC

•this is more of a general afro caribbean hc BUT their mom ALWAYS wears a headwrap, angela stole one of em and she looks very pretty in em

•quick #shepardfamilyhistorymoment but their great grandma on their mothers side actually practiced haitian vodou, their mom wants to do it but its honestly not that easy and u have to b careful when doing it so she cant just search it up rlly

•tim can dance compa shhhhhhh

•curly can do it too but hes just clumsy as hell but its ok king🤞🏽

•a BIG part of the reason y tim values his family is bc in haitian culture its pretty much family above all, somethin like that, and his mom instilled that in his head, it was also instilled in her head when she was younger, so on and so forth

•OK SO QUICK FUN FACT zombies actually come from haitian culture, not from hollywood guys, remember that, BUT YEA at some point all the shepard kids dressed as zombies :D

•AIGHT SO when their mom first moved to america ppl werent rlly proud to say that they were haitian but it makes her happy to see that things r changing n stuff and tim, curly, and angela dont hide it :)

•so theres ALSO a soup called tchaka and like some haitians dont make it bc its tied to the loa in vodou (haitian gods/spirits of haitian vodou) but some ppl do for either offerings to them or just bc yknow…its food, and sometimes their parents get into a fucking argument bc their mom is literally just making the soup as food but their dad doesnt want to bc of the whole tied to the loa thing

•when someone makes poule en sauce PLEASE b prepared for them to run to the kitchen crazily, they love it sm

•they still eat that shit up so i mean🤷🏽‍♀️

•curly mostly makes haitian desserts idc idc (mostly its coconut flan, haitian french toast, askan, n other stuff

•he makes the best gateau au beurre (literally rum cake) and chokola ayisyen i just know it guys trust me u guys have to try it, even tim ask him to make ot sometimes

•their dad makes stuff like haitian lemonade, beignets, and gateau ayisyen zoranj (traditional haitian cake)

•they ALL know how to make kremas its canon now

•when they make food tim shares it w the shepard gang and they love the food idc idc

ALRIGHT thats it for now but i might make more later

if u dont interact w this post ill take it that ur anti black/hj🤞🏽

[rumble-aint-a-rumble-without-me]

I think I may write a fic for this but idk yet so I’m just gonna talk to you about it.

So my headcanon for the Shepards is that their dad left when Curly and Angela were 10 and Tim was 13. Afterwards their mother resorted to drugs and alcohol to try and deal with the pain of losing the only man she ever felt would love her.

Fast forward years later. The Shepards are sitting at the dinner table in a comfortable silence. Then the phone rings. Angela’s the one to answer it.

From in the dining room Curly and Tim watch as Angela’s face goes from relaxed and comfortable to tense and filled with horror. They took one look into her dark eyes and knew something was wrong.

But what happened?

The siblings mom had finally gone over the edge. It was an overdose. She was gone. She went out exactly how everyone knew she would.

But it wasn’t the addicted mother they were all thinking of. It was the other one-the one they were born with. She was so pretty and so kind and smelled so good. She was genuinely the best person they ever had the chance of being related to. But now she was gone and there was no chance of getting that mother back.

Dinner gets left forgotten on the table. Tim sits on the couch with Angela, comforting her while she sobs. But Curly? He just walks away. He goes into his and Tim’s room, locks the door, and sits in the corner. The only crying he did was the few tears that slipped out, if that even counts.

And after that it was like they had lost Curly, too. Tim and Angela had tried to make do. They both tried staying as positive as possible. They both tried to keep everything normal. To them, even though it was hurtful, it really didn’t make a difference anyways. She was never around anyways, right?

But they didn’t experience their mother like Curly did. Curly was his mother’s child. He was a mama’s boy. He was undoubtedly her favorite. Everyone knew it. He just can’t stand it. He pretended it was all okay before when she was alive and addicted because he could hold on to the false hope that if he prayed hard enough she try to get her act together and would go back to how she was before. But now there was no hope. There was nothing.

Curly stayed in his room for days. Wouldn’t eat, barely slept. It got to the point that even Tim was begging him to help himself.

And Curly’s SO? At first they were told by Angela that it was a family situation. They were told that everything would be okay and they’d get the chance to talk to Curly soon enough.

That changed a few days later. Angela called them and explained what happened. She sat there and cried on the phone while she talked about how depressed Curly was. “I don’t know what to do,” she had said.

So Angela cleaned the house and SO came over. They slipped into the bedroom quietly and found Curly laying on his bed, staring off at nothing. They stood there for a moment and eyed him, taking in the sight. He looked dead.

That’s when it all came down for him. SO walked over and sat down. Curly looked at them numbly and sat up. They reached out and caressed his cheek. They had barely even touched him before he was breaking down.

He just wrapped himself around them and held on tightly-like if he let go they would leave too. He was just sobbing, more than they had ever seen him cry. Curly was gripping their shirt tightly while they tried to keep themself together. The only thing he said to them was:

“I’m so tired.”

You always come in here with the most heart-wrenching angst and god I love it so much-

I have no words?? Because this is just so good?? Seriously man, if you write a fic about this, please tag me-

[miekasa]

Which AOT characters are cat or dog people? I like to think that Eren vibes better with cats but my sister fights me on this idea😤

I feel like Eren likes cats—and most animals—in theory, but in practice every cat treats him like a bastard so Eren does the same in return 😭😭 the cats are against him, so he’s turned against them too. He’s also… slightly allergic to cats, but on the rare occasions he finds a cat that doesn’t hate him, Eren is taking advantage of the situation to nuzzle and cuddle it, even if it would leave him a puffy, sneezing mess. He loves dogs tho, and feel like a german shepard or husky is quite literally him in dog form; and generally, I feel as tho medium-big dogs suit him.

Levi likes animals, and animals treat him like he’s Snow White—even the nastiest of house pets are calm around him, it’s like they know not to try it with him pls. However, he doesn’t think that he’s a pet person, so a pet would have to be gifted to him—and he puts up a good front at first, saying he’ll only take it in until he can find another shelter to return it to, but give it a week and Levi is ready to kill for that animal. He’s have one of those black and white, or grey cats; not super tiny, but not too big either. Both are calm, like to relax, and sit in the sun and be quiet. He’d have a pretty small dog too—“The smaller the dog, the smaller the shit”—and he tucks it right into his backpack when he goes to runs his errands.

Jean is also great with animals, he grew up around a lot of them with his mom, but he’s never had a pet of his own. He’s more of a dog person (and dogs LOVE him too, they always come up to him when he’s on a walk, and he happily stops to pet them all), and a bigger dog suits him too. He’s actually the one to get you a dog as a gift, but really you guys have joint custody, and he 100% will refer to it as your guys’ kid. He’d also train it to be pretty protective of you, so it doubles as a bodyguard. His dog would jump on him a lot, front paws able to reach Jean’s shoulders when extended and Jean just happily gives it all the pets in the world.

Armin likes both, but has a small preference towards cats because they’re slightly less maintenance. His cat is teeny, the tiniest little thing and when Armin is home, that cat is always on him: on his desk when he’s doing homework at his computer, on his shoulder when he’s in the kitchen making tea, in the hood of his hoodie when he makes a quick run to the store, on his back when he’s taking a nap. They’re best friends and they do damn near everything together. Sometimes he’ll look around for it, only to realize the little thing has been on his shoulder the whole time. It scares the shit out of Armin when it jumps on things/from him tho, he always is on the brink of a heart attack please.

Connie is the classic big guy, tiny dog combo and that dog is his mf BABY. That’s his princess, his best girl (“After you of course, babe!”), his little angel. He cradles her in his elbow around the house like it doesn’t have four legs to walk on please. He values the opinion of his dog too—her little head poking out of his tote bag while he’d at the store and pondering, “Should we get salmon or scallion cream cheese?… Scallion, right? That’s what I thought, too!” Also, they have matching jackets. Several of them.

Mikasa really doesn’t have a preference, and sometimes thinks that animals aren’t really her thing, but it’s not true—she gets along great with Armin’s cat and happily cat sits whenever needed, and she’s never met a dog she doesn’t like. But she wouldn’t get a pet of her own, so hers would have to be a gift, too; she’ll take either, and comes to find that there’s a strange sense of peace and happiness that comes with having a small animal for comfort at home. Sends you pictures pretty often, and if you play your cards right, you can get her matching dog/cat sweaters too.

Hange would for sure have a cat out of those two, but honestly…. they’re more the type to have a crazy intricate and huge fish tank 😭😭 like, not even with regular, with tiny jellyfish or something. They’re obsessed with it, names all of them and swear they can tell them all apart even tho the jellyfish are damn near identical. Performs surgery on jellies if they think even the slightest thing is wrong too with nothing but willpower, a spare scalpel, and a youtube tutorial for guidance—and just imagine getting a text back like, “Sorry my love I was busy!! Leonard needed emergency tentacle surgery, but no worries he’s all better now tho see: [1 image attached]”

Sasha calls every dog she’s sees the best boy in the world and she’s completely correct about it. She always wants and coos over the dogs that are basically twice her size, but she showers them in so much love that it doesn’t matter. She’d for sure love Samoyeds, and if she didn’t have her own, she’s the type to walk with dog treats for friendly dogs and owners she meets on the street, and the local dog cafe is for sure he go to study spot.

[sif-the-tsunami]

When I Was His Wife

“Well I was looking forward to/ staying here forever/ ‘cause you asked me to/ Didn’t think I could do better/ So I settled down/ in this ten cent town/ it’s about to break me.” These are the Best Years of my Life- Pistol Annies

This is the follow up to “When You Fall Apart” Which is one of my favorites that I’ve written.

(there is Sy just carrying the weight of all of my own internal chaos)

A/N thank you for everyone who encouraged me to write this, I adore Sy as a character. He seemed like someone who could pull off the impossible. I made some choices in here that not everyone will agree with. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments an we can discuss it there.

Pairing: Sy and Josephine

Warnings: again all of them. discussion of infidelity, Discussion of child loss, discussion of unprotected sexual intercourse, headbutting, day drinking, self medicating, therapy, swearing fealty on ones hunting knife, discussion of knife play, I’m probably missing something

 Everything is going below the cut this time to save anyone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff from unpleasantness.

word count just shy of 7.5K

Thank you to @inlovewithhisblueeyes for letting me bounce ideas off of you, love you sweet girl

tagging: @oddsnendsfanfics @willkatfanfromasia @rocket44 @feralrunaway @littlewrenofrivia​  @summersong69​  @coffeebooksandfandom​ @klaine-92​ @nothingright​ @cavillsim​ @watery-lane​ @above-average-ass-bitch 

unbeta’d

I slept for the next two days, Mama only woke me up long enough to drink some water once she started worrying about me. She managed to wrangle my out of my clothes and into one of Daddy’s shirts we got him that she left in the drawer. My phone was dead, but thankfully Mama and I had the same kind so I could charge it today. What fresh hell was going to be waiting for me on my digital leash? I lay there for a while, the murmur of conversation in the other room was comforting. Mama left a fresh glass of water some time recently, it was still chilly with only a little condensation forming around the sides. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable. The hole in my heart was Syverson sized, being sober made the edges of that abyss feel even more raw and pronounced. I don’t know if my liver could handle me drowning my sorrow much more, but I would give anything to not feel it. I need to make this feeling of worthlessness go away.

When I finally decided to rejoin the land of the living, Mama and my brother Teddy were talking at the kitchen table, discussing about if they should come with me to go get my things or if I should call the sheriff’s office to be monitored. I stayed behind the corner long enough to let them finish what they were going on about.

“If I know Jo well enough, she’s going to need someone to keep her from burning the whole house down with him in it tied to a chair,” my brother chuckled. “She’s been taking care of herself for years. You should have seen how she handled one of these girls who came up to us once on Post.

“Jo was loading up the car when this prissy little thing came walking up, she must have thought she was some kind of hot shit. You would have been so proud of her Mama, the girl said to her that she had been sleeping with James during their deployment. All Jo said back to her was ‘You’ve both been back for something like three months, right, have you seen him since?’ Little Miss Hot Shit stuttered and said ‘Well not yet,’ like she had been really holding out that he was going to. ‘He doesn’t have my new phone number.’ Jo just tiled her head to the side. Smiled at her real sweetly and told her, ‘Baby girl, he’s not going to. He knows how to find you. You were just a rental car to him, sweetie bell. Ford Fiestas are fun as hell to ride but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to pick a Fiesta over the Mercedes Benz you have at home. You aren’t the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last, now go on and get out of here before I ruin the rest of your day like you tried to ruin mine.’ One of the other officer’s wives came up to her and said she was amazed that she handled her so well without breaking Miss Prissy Pant’s face. She just said ‘I’m too pretty to go to prison, Kathy.’ And we hoped in the car. You raised one tough lady, Mama.”

“How many times has that happened, Theodore, I need to know.”

“She has only told me about four women meeting her face to face. The two pregnant girls who got knocked up to get out of their deployments, Prissy Pants, and one who thought that James was in love with her. She evidently broke down in tears on the tarmac when Josie jumped into his arms and he swung her around. But she would get letters tucked into the windshield of her car for months whenever he returned from deployment.”

“You two kept this from me for years, why?”

“Jo said that this was her problem, don’t you remember how you handled it when her first boyfriend ran out on her on prom night? She cried to you and Dad, and you just told her that no one is worth weeping over. She’s just been trying to make you proud, Mama. Daddy might have known because I know they had a really nasty fight about a month before he died.”

I walked out after that. Mama’s eyes were red, “Good morning, baby, do you want pancakes? Bacon and eggs? What do you want, Darlin’?”

“Coffee would be a good start.” I rasped. “Can I use your charger?”

“It’s right here. Cream and sugar?”

“Black as my sense of humor, please Mama.” I said, Teddy chuckled again. I reached over and squeezed my brother’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I got to look after my little sissy.” He replied using what he called me growing up. “So what are we doing to get over Jimmy?”

“I was thinking tattoos and day drinking?”

“Atta’ girl, Josie. Fuck that douche canoe.”

As soon as my phone was able to turn on, it sat on the counter vibrating for the next five minutes.  Six missed calls from James. And seventy text messages. A few from stores I shop at, but the majority were from my husband.

“Ugh, I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now.” I said as my mom put my coffee in front of me.

“Just leave him on read. I doubt he’s hurting for company.”  Mama said, in almost a snarl. I looked through a few messages. The last one was from this morning. Sweetheart, I’m worried sick about you, I miss you. Please talk to me?

“Ted, do you want to go with me to Walmart so I can get a couple day’s worth of clothes, I am just not ready to go back and I can’t live in Daddy’s old shirts.”

“Of course, we can get some booze while we are there.”

“Get yourself a bathing suit while you are there, honey, its going to be beautiful today and you can go for a swim.” Mama added.

I texted James back finally as I finished my coffee. I’m sorry I worried you, Sy, I have literally been asleep since I got here. I’m not ready.

I understand. I’m sorry, I should have seen how much I’ve been hurting you. I swear to God, I really do love you. Please, let me know what I can do for you.

Yeah, you should have, James. You should have seen how bad you’ve been treating me. You can drop off the face of the earth, that’s what you can do for me, I think spitefully. Thankfully, Mama washed my yoga pants and tank top. It would have to be alright for now. My brother let me wear one of his extra flannel shirts he kept in the back of his car. An hour later, Ted and I were at the store, picking up chips, dip, and cheap champagne. Mama loved mimosas, so I thought it was the least I could do. I grabbed a couple of sun dresses and a bikini, if I was going to be gone for a few days, I was going to come back home looking refreshed, radiant even, and not like the hot pile of garbage I was feeling like. I made a small detour to the cosmetics department, got myself a couple of face masks, hair dye, and sun screen.

“Really? Dark brown, Josie?”

“That’s as close to my natural color as I can, I’m tired of the blonde highlights. I think after this I might just let it come in. Grays and all. Who ever loves me next is going to have to just deal with me as nature intended.”

“I’m proud of you. Do you think you will leave him for good?” He said, Ted has always been very protective of me.

“Well, I certainly can’t leave him for evil, can I?” Making him laugh. One the way outside there was a truck near the front of the store with a sign that read “Puppies for sale.”

“Teddy, we need to see these puppies.” I gasped. Walking up to the truck bed I saw the sweetest little German Shepard puppies. I reached in and they all started flopping all over the place trying to get pets and love. Maybe a puppy was exactly what my hurting heart needed. We haven’t had a dog since Aika passed away. It was looking like I would never have a baby but maybe this was the kind I needed. Puppy snuggles would definitely make that Syverson shaped hole less painful.

“I’ll buy you a puppy if you divorce James.” Ted said to me, half joking.

“Shit, I can afford the puppy, pay for the divorce.” I jest back. “How much for one of the precious babies?”

“$500 a pup, mom has a pedigree, but daddy was the neighbor’s sneaky bastard.” The woman also petting the puppies said. “Mama is in the front if you want to meet her, daddy is very friendly as well.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. With tears in my eyes, I ask if any of the puppies are girls, and she pulls   out a beautiful little one with floppy ears and the biggest smile I had ever seen on a dog. Oh yeah, she was meant for me.

“I’ll take her, do you take checks?” I think I’m ready to start healing.

*****

“Josephine, that son of a bitch you call your husband is here to see you.” Mama shouts from the house. It’s Sunday afternoon now, Teddy and I have exhausted all the snacks and mimosas hours ago and now we were sobering up by the pool. My new baby girl is laying next to my sun chair, chewing on her bone, wearing a pretty pink collar.

“Well, might as well let him out here.” I shout back.

“Are you sure, I can kick his ass to the curb if you want me to, baby.”

“Its okay Mama, I can handle him myself.” Sy walks out in the back yard a couple minutes later. I’m guessing Mama threatened to stick him in a meat grinder.

“I deserved that.” He said, looking thoroughly admonished. “You changed your hair, it looks really good...

“Oh bless your heart, James. That’s not even half of what you deserve.” Ted spoke up before he could finish, not moving his face towards him. He lay there in his swim trunks and dark sunglasses.

“Oh great, all three of you have been drinking. I can tell this is going to go well...” James sighed. “Who is this cutie pie, did your Ma get a new dog?”

“She’s my dog, her name is Stella Rosa.”

“I don’t think anyone asked you to come, Colonel Sanders, what are you doing here?” Ted snapped.

“Hey, I got this, okay? I’m a big girl, please, go in the house. The fuck are you doing here James?” I lift my sun glasses up.

“She’s a very sweet pup. Yeah, you are a good girl for your mama, aren’t you? I came to see you. I want to bring you home, baby, I miss you.” He’s checking out my fresh tan in my new bikini. Subtly, but he does it.

“I’m not ready. I’m not even ready to talk to you. Why would you think that I even want to come home?”

“I don’t know, I asked myself that the entire drive here. I don’t know what I’m even going to do with myself when I go home alone. Pussycat, I can’t begin to think of life without you. I know I fucked up. And I know I can’t take that back. You asked me the other day what I kept that was special just between us. I should have answered you then. All those nights where you fell asleep with your head on my chest, the evenings laying in the back of the truck looking at the stars after driving around trying to find the best nachos in town. And, baby, no matter where we go, yours are always the best. No one else ever got moments like that. You are the only woman I want to slow dance with in the middle of the night.

“You are the only person in the world that I would wait four hours in the freezing cold to get the best brisket in Austin for because you were craving bbq when we were still, you know...” He paused. I don’t think he ever stopped blaming himself for what happened. His knees were never the same after that accident, and usually whenever he stood up from kneeling, they clicked and popped painfully. He leaned a little closer spreading his legs and reached down to pet Stella. She seemed a little leery of him. It is easy to be cynical given the circumstances, but there is something about the way he is talking to me, I haven’t heard him be this earnest in years.

“When was the last time you were with someone other than me?” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I keep my eyes anywhere but on him. My body aches so badly for him to just wrap his arms around me. I miss him.

“When I got held up in Kuwait for two weeks in December...”

“December? You mean when you missed my fucking birthday. Goddammit James...” And the ache is gone. My heart shattered again. He’s going to make me cry again.

“Hey, it was after your birthday, and it was a hate fuck because I was mad that I broke yet another promise to you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” I snap. “How many that deployment?”

“Just the one. And she’s someone who I knew was more discreet because we had that arrangement before.”

“I swear on my Daddy’s grave that if you are lying to me right now, I will end you Syverson. You couldn’t have waited a few more days?”

“I had no idea when I was going home. We boarded that fucking plane three times and had to turn back because there was a problem with it. I was two seconds away from tearing apart the first Private that so much as looked at me sideways. It felt like, at the time, the less terrible choice.”

“They sound both pretty shitty to me. You are a fucking adult James, you have to be able to control yourself or at least be responsible for your actions. If this is what you think love is, I would rather you hate me.” I stand up. Stella wags her tail excited to get away.

“Josephine, please...” He grasps my wrist, not hard, but there wasn’t anyway I was going to be able to get out of his big hand.

“Please what? Please stay so you can keep treating me like this. There are some people in this world who have no problem playing second or third fiddle, they are just thankful they are in the band. But I deserve to be your first chair, or I don’t want to play at all.”

“Mama wants to know if the jackass is staying for dinner.” Ted shouts at us.

“He going!” “I’m staying!” we yell over each other. He’s not looking at me, he’s not even looking at the pup. His eyes are somewhere else, mentally for a second he is somewhere else also.

“Baby…  I… You have always been my first chair. There is no one else on earth like you. I have never done anything with these women as an act of love. It was always been, and I mean always, just a way to scratch an itch. Every time I was gone, every time things got bad, getting to come home to you was the thing that keep me going, Jo. You have been my safe harbor for the worst parts of my life.”

“James… That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You aren’t the man I fell for anymore. This isn’t healthy.” He let go of my wrist, and rubs his face. Those beautiful eyes of his have seen so much. For the first time I think he actually looks… broken. Is this the remorse I have been wanting to see? I try not to keep scores, especially when it comes to my loved ones. But for the first time since things went sour, he looks like I hurt him as much as he has hurt me.

Maybe there was love between us once. However there are just two broken hearts for now.

“Come on in the house, I can at least feed you before I send you back.”

“I think I will just go,” he says it quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Don’t be like that, I am still cooking like I’m making dinner for you, so its way too much for the three of us. Come on in, I made carnitas.”

“I’ll be in, I just need a minute.” He refuses to let me see him cry if he’s not waking up screaming, even after all this time. Whenever we could have a healing moment, he pushes me out. I went inside, and started setting the table.

“Are we poisoning his tacos?” Teddy asked me.

“That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard today.” Mama interjected.

“No, and don’t start anything. He’s eating dinner with us, don’t either of you make him feel bad. I already did that.” Sy walked in at that moment, those blue eyes of his rimmed with red. He looked defeated. The four of us ate our dinner in silence. There was a time where he would have made some kind of comment about eating me out when we had tacos. He looked at me once during the meal, I think he remembered it too. He offered to clear the plates when were all done and sat in uncomfortable silence. The cockiness I had grown accustomed to over the years was gone.

He carried himself like this when we lost our baby, he can’t take that kind of humility. At least not with me.

“Sy...” I waited until the others were out of the room. “Do you still want me to come home with you?”

“Not if it means all we are going to do is get a divorce. I can’t see you every day knowing that I will never get to be yours again. I let them do a lot of terrible things to me over the years, but that… that I can’t handle.” His voice cracked. “If you want out, I will give you everything you ask for. I won’t fight you. But please, give me a chance to fight for you.”

“I don’t think you are exactly in a position to make that that request.” I lean against the counter across the room from him.

“No, I’m not.” he half smirked, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Look, I’m not saying that this can’t still all explode in our faces. But I miss my best friend and that has always been the best part of us. It will never be the same as it was before, it can’t be. However, if you are willing to work with me, I am willing to see if we there is any salvageable. If nothing else, we both need therapy very badly. We can’t just shrug this off. The second that it goes back to where we were, I’m gone.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.” He sniffs hard, and his breath is broken up, tucking his arms against himself. Usually its in authority, this time hes just trying to hug himself. I gesture him to come over and I hug him. He wraps his arms around then envelopes me. Leaning his head on mine, he whispers “I’ll do whatever you want, my darlin.”

I told my mom that I would be going home, she sighed at me. “Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I think I just want some closure. I told him if he so much as sneezes out of line that I’m gone. Forever. There will be no more chances.”

“Well, baby, I trust you. You are always welcome back here if you need to get away.”

While I’m packing my stuff into the shopping bags I had, I hear a sudden crack and Sy groans then swears. “yeah, I deserved that too.”

“What the fuck did you just do, Theodore?” I yell coming out. Ted was still holding my husband’s hand, and Sy was holding his face. “Did you… just headbutt him?”

“Yes, I did. My sister my might be willing to move past your mistakes, but I’m not. However, I’ve always been the petty one in the family. Hurt her again, they will have to dig your nuts out of your chest cavity, do we understand each other?”

“Yep, perfectly.” Sy grimaced. There were very few men that he would not retaliate against. Teddy, at 6’5, and years of horse wrangling, was one of them. Sy was build like a brick shit house, but so was my big brother. I thought we were old enough to not resort to violence, I have been wrong before.

My probably, potentially, soon to be ex-husband put mine and Stella’s things in the back bench of his truck. I held her in the crook of my arm as I climbed up in the cab. He gently shut the door for me, I noticed his shiner was going to be pretty gnarly in the morning.

He climbed into the other side as I set little Stella down on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was a cheap shot, I’ll be fine. At this point, I don’t want to rock the boat with your brother and Ma. She tore me a new asshole before I got outside today.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind, say to hell with me and that I’m not worth the hassle.”

“Josephine, I might not have made the appropriate effort to show you how much you mean to me, but you are worth it.” The Syverson shaped hole in my heart roared. Why couldn’t he have been this way all along?

We talked about the girl at the movies, and how she was one of his new officers. She might have come on to him, but he never engaged with her outside of work related things. He told her several times that he wasn’t interested but she was persistent. I halfway apologized for trying to decapitate him with a tequila bottle. He acknowledged that this was a long time coming.  This was the most we had talked about anything deep for months. I don’t know if it was too little and too late though.

The rest of the drive home we made a plan of action. He would move into the office and would stay in there until I invited him back into my bed. We would start couple’s therapy as soon as we could. He would also start seeing a therapist individually. Before we got into town I also told him my final request for our reconciliation. I wanted to see other people. I had been with him since I was nineteen, I have never faltered in my devotion to him. I wanted to see if he was really the one for me.

When I got home, I poured out the rest of my alcohol, save for a bottle of champagne I was saving for our anniversary. He took Stella outside to go potty and came back singing her name “Stella bella, who is a good girl? Your Mama picks good puppies, yes she does. Good girl, Stella bella.”

Stella came prancing back to me with her tail wagging happily. He walked up behind me, and grazes the backs of my arms gently with his knuckles, leaning down to kiss my neck. “Not yet, Sy. I don’t want us to complicate things more than they already are.”

“Josie, what do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you until we start therapy.”

“So you want us to stop having sex, sleep in separate rooms and at some point you want to start seeing other men.” He starts nodding. He lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes. “Okay, it that’s what you want to do. I was thinking about getting my stuff out of the bedroom so I can try to get some sleep. I love you, Pussycat. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, James went to bed. He was snoring on the couch in the office by the time I went to go lay down.      

****

It took us three weeks to get into see a couples therapist. It felt a little validating about my decision that we shouldn’t sleep together until we have really decided to try or not. She had me stay behind and talk with her for another half an hour the first time we met.  She asked me why I wanted to save my marriage with Sy if he’s hurt me for years.

“I don’t rightly know,” I told her. “Maybe its because when we are good we are so damn good. Before we were married, I was warned, I knew that things happened overseas and I shouldn’t take it personally, he’s just a man and not a saint. I never have had a doubt in my mind about if he’s been faithful when he’s been here until recently when a woman he knows started acting weird around me. The love we had was so passionate, like sometimes he thought that if he couldn’t put his hands on me I would disappear. I don’t think I will ever find someone who can love me like that again.”

The therapist suggested that he starts getting treated for PTSD and anger management while we all were working together. I would also have my own separate sessions to work on my own issues. It took a few months but I started seeing small differences in how he was handling things at work that pissed him off. He was able to defuse himself more easily. He became more open with his feelings. I think it helped that we both stopped drinking. We could be a little volatile when we had a pitcher (or three) of margaritas.

There were days with our sessions where we leave emotionally exhausted and not speak to each other the rest of the day, some of them ended in peals of laughter, others where I would cry for most of it. We discussed the infidelity at great lengths. I don’t want to rehash the details but it was definitely one of the bad days. But it seems that the root cause was him using the only the other women for comfort after fairly traumatic events. It’s why it only happened on deployments. He needed to feel something other than pain.

The lack sexual intimacy between the two of us made James start to get creative to initiate closeness between the two of us. He started helping me make dinner on the weekends, or he would bring me my coffee in the morning the way I like it. Mama and Teddy started coming over occasionally for suppers. It was nice to have the house filled with laughter. We started talking again like when we first started dating. He would take the time to go with me grocery shopping.

He started asking me out on dates again. Myself, him and Stella would drive out to the country, with a picnic basket that he would even prepare himself and we would go star gazing like we used to. I loved seeing the effort, but that hole still ached in my chest the whole time. The pieces should have all fit together, but here I was still not sure I could commit to him for the rest of my life.

On one of these dates, he asked me what I thought about him retiring. He had been in for almost nineteen years at this point and had far exceeded is expectations for being in the Army as an officer.

“I kind of just want to sell off all our extra shit and buy a really nice Air-stream. We can pull it with my truck. Just travel up and down the continent, I know you always have wanted to see the Northern Lights, we can just go anywhere. Me, you and Stella would visit where ever we could find a parking spot.”

“That sounds nice, Sy.” It came out a little half hearted.

“You don’t sound convinced, sweetheart.” He said, started sounding concerned.

“Hun, I don’t want to have a fight right now, so please just let me get this off my chest.” I sigh. And then I told him about the pain in my chest that I’ve had since my night in jail. That sometimes, like tonight, it was only a dull ache. That other times the edges are still so sharp that it feels like the pain was going to swallow me whole. He sits up, jaw dropped.

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I… Jo… son of a bitch.” He groans. He lays back down, the same defeated tone came back that I hadn’t heard since Mama’s house. “I’m trying my best, Josephine, but I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back… you will never love me again, will you?  I can grovel, and beg. I don’t know what else I need to do. I know what I want to do, but it will just hurt you more.”

“What do you want to do, Sy?”

“I want to kiss every part of your skin, remind your body that I worship it. I want to pin you to the wall of our hallway and make love to you. I want to go to sleep with my nose buried in in your hair, and wake up sliding inside of you. I have since you came home. Hell, I always want to do that with you. But that can’t be the only thing that keeps us together.” He looked over at Stella sprawl out.

“I didn’t say this to hurt you, hun. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I know, I… just don’t want to cause you more misery. I really thought we were, you know, heading back in the right direction.”

“We have been, and honestly, I think if we threw in the towel now, it would cause more harm than good.” I say as the tears well up in my eyes. For the first time since I was taken away, I straddle his hips. He sits up and I place my hands on either side of his face, then lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back with the same hunger. I missed him. The ache dulled a little until he pulled away.

“Let’s get going, Jo, I want you so fucking bad. I want to take you here and now, I want to make you scream my name and damn anyone who catches us. We need to stop this, the agreement was that we wouldn’t. Fuck I’ve missed how you taste.” He said before stealing one more kiss.

*****

The next week was awkward to say the least, the therapist was pleased about the kissing and that I opened up. She said that it was possible that the pain would go away, but that he and I needed to remember that it was like I was grieving. In the mean time, we should continue to take it slowly because we both needed to be sure. The following few days he was distant, and the ache returned in full force.

With his PTSD treatments, he was having less nightmares. It was the best thing I could ask for. There were still times where he would yell in his sleep but they had become farther and farther apart. It was a night after he had his individual treatment, he had come home talking about how he felt the night of my breakdown. He came home and told me a little bit, how he had never seen me so angry before, thrashing about like a caged animal. He hated himself for pushing me there. That night, in the darkness of the small hours, I woke up from being dead asleep hearing him say my name in a panic. He then repeated sounding more and more scared. “Josie, oh my god, Josie, no. I’m sorry Jo, I didn’t mean to. JoJo!”

I rushed into the office, he was jerking violently in his sleep about on the couch. I turned on the light near his head. When these dreams happen, his eyes were usually opened, it creeps my out every time. I start to gently wake him up, saying his name and touching him as gently as possible. It took a few moments but he came back to me.

“Jo, Jesus fuck, you’re alright?”

“Of course I am, sweetheart, what happened? I’m right here, I’m okay, you are okay, everything is okay.”

“I dreamed we were back in the kitchen, you were under me. Screaming and whipping about. I had to restrain you more then I accidentally broke your neck and you died in my arms. It felt real, baby, I was holding your body and then the sheriff came and that’s when you woke me up. Oh my god. I fucking can’t. I can’t anymore. I need you, Josie. If something happens to you, oh fuck.” I have never seen James sob like this. He pawed at me until I was wrapped in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held his head to mine. His sobs were hard. We sat there until he let it all out.

“Come on, big man, let’s get you into bed. Come with me. I’ll stay with you all night.” He nodded at me and followed me to the bed we used to share. I wrapped him up in our fluffy blankets. He snuggled into me and was asleep in moments. I stayed there in his arms until he woke up. The Syverson shaped hole hurt less that night.

When he woke up he started crying again. He held me and started kissing my face. “Thank god. I thought you coming to me last night was another dream.”

“No baby, I’m here.” He sniffed hard and squeezed me closer to him. We went back to sleep for a few more hours and when we got up for the day he moved his things back into our bedroom. We might not have started other marital acts but we both started sleeping better having the other person in bed. It had been almost six months we started trying to reconcile.

*****

It had been an interesting couple of months while we started the transition for him to retire. Soon it was only a matter of days. The dates had continued, the kissing had continued, but something was keeping me back from being able to say that the next step was what I wanted. Therapy continued, and we would be seeing her for the next few months. Before I left my private session she asked me if I had given myself a deadline. She was concerned that I might keep dragging it out and that would just make both of us miserable. I told her I had an idea and that I planned on pulling the trigger soon.

Sy’s superiors were setting up a retirement ceremony for him, followed by a dinner with the upper chain of command. He wasn’t looking forward to it, Sy just wanted to be out and done. He came home one day while I was watching a show based on a book series I had read when we first were married. The redheaded Scot swore fealty to his wife, offering to pierce his own heart with a dagger if he should ever rebel against her again.  

“What’s this you’re watching?” He asked.

“Outlander, it just picked back up again from a season break. It’s pretty damn close to the book.”

“So is this what the ladies like these days, men in kilts offering to off themselves if they fuck up?”

“Women have liked men in kilts since I can remember. Why do you think we go to the Renn Faire every year.” I wink at him. “But yeah, I’m sure that does it for some people.”

“Well shit, Pussycat, it’s the only thing I haven’t done.” Sy walked out of the room and came back with his favorite hunting knife. It had been his dad’s once upon a time. The handle was made out of buck horn. In his warn and dusty uniform, he knelt in front of me on the living room floor. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, “Well, this isn’t iron, and it definitely isn’t holy. However, I will swear on it either way. Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved, you are my best friend, and I adore you. I will never do anything to make you doubt that love or loyalty again. If I ever do anything that makes you feel like you are less than the beautiful, smart, incredible, sexy creature that you are, you can sink this right in my heart. I will even hold it there for you so all you have to do is press it right in.” He finishes with a tongue click as an exclamation.      

“James, you didn’t need to do this. You know I am weird about grand gestures.”

“No, I think I do. I said my vows to you on our wedding rings and I wasn’t able to keep it. But, I will never break this one. If I can earn your love back, I will never do anything to make you regret giving me this chance to be your man.” He still held the knife against his chest with one hand, and placed my hand over his with the other. “So what do you think, baby girl? We still have a long way to go, but I can’t think of anyone else I would rather struggle with.”

“I think you just put yourself in a position that I could just end you now if I wanted to.” I say with my usual sass.

“Yes, you could. I don’t think you will though.” He said smiling, his voice was husky and deep as usual. I love that easy smile of his.

“Is it wrong that I want to get on your lap and make out with you while I hold this against you.” His eyebrow raised. “Maybe more than just make out with you.”

“Oh, don’t you tease me now, sweet thing. I don’t want to start anything you won’t finish.”

“Who said I won’t finish it, Colonel Syverson?” His eyes grew as big as dinner plates.  

“Wait, do you mean it?” He choked.

“Yeah, I do mean it.” I laughed. Before I could get up, he had hiked the skirt of the dress I was wearing up to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa, revealing that I had skipped a certain garment that day. “I had an idea for after supper, but if you want we can do this now…. Oh fuck I’ve missed this.”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he was going to town with his tongue on his favorite part of my body. He remembered everything that made me squeal in delight. From the lack of sex on both of our ends, he was able to get me off easily. My body was desperate for his touch. He stopped once my body was trembling, kissing one of my thighs from my apex to my knee. He suddenly grunted and bit down on a tender part. He started panting and kissed the spot he bit.

“I’m sorry, sugar, I didn’t want to only last for two or three thrusts. Fuck, I have missed this pretty pussy. You taste so good.” He had a handful of his own cum and looked around for a tissue. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and licked it clean, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. He moaned out and then stood up. He took his shirt off, and lifted me up off the couch. I knew this hurt his back and knees but I wasn’t about to chastise him for wanting to be romantic. He carried me like we were on our honeymoon back to the bedroom. He lay me down as gently as possible then finished stripping himself. I took my dress off leaving myself exposed to him in a way that I haven’t in almost a year. Sy joined me on the bed, open and vulnerable to me. I loved those thick thighs and torso of his, he always eclipsed me.

“Hello ladies, nice to finally see you again.” He purred as he licked and sucked on my nipples. He leaned to one side and massaged my breasts with one of his hands. “Glad to see you that you missed me too.”

Before long, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. He spread my legs and rubbed himself against my opening. He leaned down and kissed my neck before sliding himself inside of me. I moan his name as he gently started making love to me. Bearing his weight on his elbows, he kissed and nipped at my neck.

Breathlessly, he told me how much he missed my body, how much he loved me, how lucky he was to have me. As his tempo increased, he started to whisper in me ear.

“Josephine, tell me what you are.” I looked at him confused. “You are my wife, I want you to tell me that you are my wife.”

“I’m your wife, James.” I tell him as lovingly as possible.

“Louder, baby.”

“I’m your wife.” I said loud and clearly. The Syverson shaped hole in my chest is gone, finally. Replaced with the warmth of knowing we were going to be able to survive this.

“Even louder, Jo.” I yell it out and he thrusts harder and deeper. “Keep going, beautiful, I want the whole neighborhood to know.”

I screamed it as he started pounding me harder, building his orgasm. As my own starts its crescendo, I screamed his name and arched my back as he pulls my hips down on himself and spilled into me. He lay down beside me, twitching and jerking a little. He kisses all the parts of my skin that is available to his reach.

“I think we should order a pizza for dinner tonight,” He says after a few minutes of catching his breath. “So we can stay in bed and make love again.”

“Or, and hear me out. I put my dress back on, you get dressed and we go out for sushi with your cum dripping down my thighs. What do you think about that?”

“Shit, I missed you being a damn freak like that. Do I we get to have more fun tonight if I say yes?” He chuckles, then kisses my hand, “I still want you to ride me with my knife pointed at me some time tonight.”  

“Aren’t you scared I’m going to cut off a nipple or something.”

“You, with a knife? To be honest, cutting off my nipple is the least of my concerns. How do I know if this just isn’t a whole plan to lure me into complacency with sex and sushi, then you just murder me in my sleep.” He rolled onto his back and whined for a second, but got up. He put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black Metallica t-shirt as I got into my dress again.

“God damn woman, you are so fucking sexy.” He tells me as he opens the door on my side of the truck and leans down to kiss me again. As I climb up he give my butt a little tap just like he used to and closes the door for me. The ache I’ve been feeling these long months has subsided. Sitting across the cab from me, holding my hand, he asks if we want to go look at travel trailers this weekend. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be alright.

[actuallyilya]

Black-Ops Characters I believe would have cats and/or dogs. Also, these are just the Campaign characters + some Warsaw pack characters!!

Dog Only

Lazar, Lazar gives off big cuddly dude vibes™ meaning he would want a pet he could bond with better. Dogs are (usually) very playful and loving. He also CONSTANTLY attracts dogs. I also think he would adopt a Golden Retriever. Idk. Vibes™

Sims, Sims seems like the type of guy who likes being outdoors. Parks, hiking, jogging, etc. So he would 100% rather have a buddy to do those hobbies with, rather than go alone. A bit into his childhood, he had another dog he grew up with from the age of 12 and up, but once he left for school/the CIA, he felt bad, and eventually, the dog died of old age :(. But I do think that he loved that dog very much and no dog would ever come close to the memories he had with him. I think he would adopt a Border Collie.

Woods, Look this mother fucker DISPISES cats. He thinks they're gremlins and refuses to ever pet one he hasn't had a bad experience, just doesn't like them, claims that 'they're satan's little bitches'. He also would rather have a pet that you can call do cuddle, rather than hope not to get scratched. He either would have a German Shepherd or Great Dane. He wants a dog that will make him seem cool 🥶😈 but everyone knows that man is a sweetheart.

Hudson, He is most definitely a dog person, He does not care about the dogs are better than cats argument. 'It's an idiotic argument, Besides, we all know dogs are better'. His dog is a family dog, she's very friendly to anyone who comes by Woods, Mason, etc and she loves his kids. At first, Hudson hated the idea of having a dog, it would be a liability, but he was the first person who genuinely fell in love with the dog. He would have a German Shepard, who is military trained because he wants to protect his family.

Knight, Look, with the very little of the information we know about him, I GENUINELY think this man would have a dog. We know he's a little on the bad side, but still, he needs some friends. Even if the friend is a dog. He would probably adopt a Kangel Shepard. Also, he loves to play with his dog very often and is super protective of the dog.

Okay, now to the people who would have cats!

Park, Look, Park is like those people who sit in front of a window with a computer/notes in front of her while her cat calmly sits in front of her sleeping or sunbathing. Okay? I love her to pieces and I know damn well she would get along better with cats than dogs. She has actually argued with Woods about it a lot. She would also have a Chartreux

"Suck it Park! Dogs are the best pets, they won't kill ya in your sleep!"

"Woods, Cats' cleanliness makes up for more than a few scratches here and there, unlike dogs who like to sit in their own filth."

Mason enjoys silence, dogs do not give silence, they are loud and he prefers cats overall, He has had his cat for a while, a few years before David joined the military, his home felt empty, He knew he had always been rough on Mason but the cat gave them a small bonding experience, Although he loved the cat, it caused an argument between him and woods (It wasn't an end-the-friendship argument but when they're drunk they definitely argue) He would have a Birman, he also heavily enjoys cuddling with a cat.

Wraith, She strikes me as those people who genuinely love working with cats or at shelters, maybe she had a cat growing up, maybe she worked at a shelter before she went all Warsaw pact. But regardless, knowing she can't stay in one place forever, she still tries to still somewhat work at shelters, she isn't open about it because it caused an agreement between her and Knight. However, he always had a friend tag along with her while going to the shelters. She wouldn't own any pets, but her favorite breed would be Burmese cats "their fur is a black as my soul"

Stitch, This guy just loves cats, As a young kid, he didn't really have many friends, he usually kept to himself, as a result, he would wander areas a lot, during one of his walks, he found an injured cat, He nursed the cat back to health and kind-of kept this side of himself a secret as his father was very 'men do the work while women stay at home' luckily it never rubbed off on him. However, Just like Wraith, he tagged along to the shelters, he didn't wear the gas mask, but a lot of his scars showed, but he found out the cats/kittens were less scared of him if he just showed his face. Although he has an edgy feel, he loves Maine coons, they are very gentle, friendly, and very intelligent (As you can see, you can tell who is my favorite Warsaw pact operator)

Who would have BOTH cats and dogs.

Adler, look this motherfucker does not want to admit that he loves both cats or dogs. He easily gets attached to animals, cats, dogs, the whole sha-bang. So either/or, He loves dogs because he enjoys working with them, such as training, jogging, etc. (Sims stopped going running with him after Sims adopted his dog, but Adler knew he couldn't be responsible for a dog knowing he's always out on missions). But he also loves cats, he loves how majestic they are, when they purr, kneed, etc. He loves it. He occasionally invites himself to Park's house to spend time with her cat, not even with her. Park doesn't mind as she knows she now has a free cat-sitter. If Adler could, He would have a Great Dane and for a cat, he would have a Bengal Cat

Naga, Over the course of his life, Naga has worked with tons of dogs. He had always appreciated them helping him in his line of work. Whether they helped him weed out a rat amongst his men, or helped make sure no one was stealing profit, I think he heavily enjoys their company. Naga has always been a little intimidating, But with a cat by his side, even more, on his lap, on his desk, such a tiny animal had so much subtle power. If the cat had a problem with you, he had a problem with you, He even decided he enjoyed having a dog so much, he adopted a dog, luckily, after a few months of trying, they both got along and peacefully sit in his office. He would defiantly adopt a Donskoy Sphynx, and for a dog, he would adopt a Cane Corso, mostly for weather reasons.

Perseus, owns both a cat and a dog, rarely going out for rough missions, he can have two pets in his life and properly take care of them, His current dog, a Siberian Huskey (perfect for the current climate) he's had for five years, his cat, a Korat, he's had for three years. He occasionally takes them both into his office as to not have lonely days, on the days he has to either a) leave fast such as for safety, Stitch, Wraith, and Knight were made responsible as they are his trustable people.

Finally, Bell. Bell loves both of them and never really owned any animals, while working for the CIA, they had a knack for attracting animals while going for walks, they usually arrived with one or two animals, even birds! Mostly kittens and puppies, but even the impossible is possible for them. Woods and Mason found this hilarious and tried not to fall in love with the animals (even if they were there for a short amount of time) Adler or Park always had to be the one to take the animal out of their hands because he knew no work would get done and a rule had to be implemented so it wouldn't happen again (news flash, it did happen, very often)

Solovetsky Ending: let's just say Adler didn't shoot Bell, Adler would take Bell to shelters and would even go with them to save stray (injured) animals. The two actually grew very close and it sort of became a hobby. Adler got his taste of animals and Bell go to feel happy for a few hours, they both learned a lot. After one night of dinner, they found a stray kitten with no family around, they waited an hour to try and see if the mom would come back since It didn't, They took in the kitten, it was an off-day for the workers, so they nursed the kitten for like four days before having to give it up to the shelter.

Duga Ending: After Perseus took Bell in, let's just say the same thing happened, they weren't allowed to be on the field because they weren't mentally able to handle war and risk of being kidnapped so they kind of stuck around the area, although it was rare, abandoned animals did sometimes appear. The first time it happened. Bell was wearing a large coat and returned freezing with only a t-shirt on. Perseus was at the front gate, waiting for some of the operators to come back, but instead, they returned, freezing, a small fluff ball was in their hands while they were slowly developing hypothermia.

"Bell?! What the hell are you doing without a coat?!"

"I-I know, B-But I-I saved a dog."