#my mom has already started
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oh i see… yeah im not going to make it through the evening without the strong desire to ram my head into a wall repeatedly…
#my mom has already started#im literally just sitting here in silence#entertaining myself completely ignoring her#and she keeps trying to bait me into the arguments#by asking for help with something and then completely derailing that into like what a failure i am as a daughter and person#like OKAY great!!! mhm you’re stressed at work bc it’s renewals season#and your other daughter is engaged and you can’t just be happy for her and leave me out of it#it’s gotta turn into a golden child vs problem child thing#because the ONLY way she knows how to cope with stress#is by arguing with people and yelling and complaining and just making sure#everyone is as unhappy and stressed out as she is
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BREAKING NEWS!!! Local idiot ghost absolutely blown away when boyfriend gives him a nickname for the first time, more info after this broadcast.
Bonus pet-name edition:
(Yeah I know it's ooc for grovyle to EVER use the term "babe" but lets go ahead and assume he's done it accidentally a few times rather than intentionally. He's deeply in love with the dumb ghostman, ok. Sometimes it just slips out.)
Dusknoir is still recovering from hearing it. And when he finally calls grovyle "love" himself on accident a few days later, he falls deathly ill for two weeks cause his body couldn't handle the aftermath and started rapidly shutting down on a molecular level.
#dusknoir he is dying pls for the love of god just give him the heal seed already#i headcanon that grovyle starts to call dusknoir just “noir” simply because it's less effort but dusknoir is legitimately touched by it#he's never had a nickname before so he cried happy tears for only 2 hours after this interaction#celebi thinks noir's drama over the entire thing is very funny so she starts calling him “beloved” even more and he has a meltdown#and dusknoir being a literal functional storage unit is my favorite thing he is so good at HOLDING stuff for his BF and GF#he carries water bottles and snacks for them like a total mom when they go exploring#(he got the habit after hanging out w/ echo and sora. those are his kids so of course he's gonna have treats!!!)#what's in the void you ask??? who knows probably a pocket universe or the elusive pmd2 remake#i had way too much fun drawing this is it obvious?#and i really like the new brush i've been using lately so i'm happy#also first comic i put decent effort into!!!! yay#actaeonshipping#future trio#dusknoir#grovyle#celebi#pmd#pmd2#pmd eos#explorers of sky#my art#tw blood
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man…#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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I saw you are Israeli with an asexual flag icon. I know you it's not your job to educate me and have no obligation, but if you don't mind, could I ask what your experience of views towards asexuality in Israel are? I'm an American asexual with Israeli family I'm just getting to know since we were in different countries and weren't really in contact until recently. I'm wondering how asexuality is viewed there and what to expect about social attitudes towards it?
honestly I got no clue, the only people who really know I'm ace are my queer friends (who are already educated from western media on what lgbtq is), and my mom.
my mom is all "don't label yourself because you're putting yourself in a box and blocking yourself to new experiences, you're you and that's what matters (also asexuality isn't a thing you're just childish)", I don't know if her views are an accurate example of what the average Israeli thinks, because I'm pretty sure she's somewhere under the NB and bi umbrellas and just doesn't feel the need to use labels, but she's the only "negative" experience I had with coming out as ace, other people probably wouldn't care about your lack of sex life.
also my dad is a whole other story but I gave up on explaining to him what queerness is, he tries to support at least, in a way of "I have no idea what this is and I don't really like it, but it's your life and I can't control what you do with it, I'm gonna give my opinion sometimes (aka scoff and say it's bullshit) but I'm not gonna force you to do anything". which is better than nothing! I can't force him to understand what non binary means or why I want top surgery (he's against all cosmetical surgeries not just gender), and he can't force me to be Normal™, win win ☺️.
#asks#israel#queer israelis#queer#lgbtq#again my personal experiences are not an example of the entire country#my parents are weirdly unique#my dad has a gay brother and he and my mom thought my grandma to not get him disowned#and then my dad got disowned for a different reason#(so like my grandma is a regular bitch not a homophobic bitch)#I know accepting cishet people and I know queerphobic lgbtq people#but the average person isn't gonna care about your asexuality and there's not a lot of reason to tell others anyways#on average people here are more accepting than Americans (who aren't already part of the queer community)#or at least more oblivious so they weren't indoctrinated into hating queer people#also the more time passes the more I start to see gender like my mom XD
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Sometimes I remember that my whole house was so obsessed with the show Merlin, that we named the first tree we planted in the yard Merlin.
When it was given to us 11 years ago it was hardly a scraggly stick, and now it looks like a giant bush
Artist rendition
#this is the first year it has like!! actual bark!!!#only the middle/ main trunk#I’m so emotional over this tree you guys don’t even know#he won’t stop growing branches on the bottom#so he just looks like a huge bush when leafed out#then another tree we planted the same year looks like a Maple Tree TM#I love all the trees in my yard#every day when it’s warm enough I tell them all they’re doing a great jobs#and one who burnt during a really hot summer didn’t grow for YEARS#but we didn’t give up on it#no sir#we cut off the burnt limb#we kept telling it that it was doing great#and last year!!! it finally started growing new twigs!!#it grew more than like 5 leaves!!!#and this year so far there’s already a LOT of growth!!!!!!#and one tree I got from a childhood best friend like 5 years ago has absolutely taken off#like holy hell#the tree was a sapling from the tree from her backyard#it was my favourite tree growing up#it’s were we were kids together#guys no you don’t get it#we slowly fell out of friendship and then years later she texted me#‘hey you know that one tree you used to love? do you want a sapling from jt otherwise my mom is throwing it in compost.’#‘she thinks you don’t care about this tree anymore but I know you do’#*sobs*#Spoofy tambles
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You're such an inspiration for the ways
That I will never ever choose to be
Oh, so many ways for me to show you
How your saviour has abandoned you
Fuck your god!
Your lord, and your Christ
He did this!
Took all you had and left you this way
Still you pray, you never stray, never
Taste of the fruit!
Never thought to question why
#OK HEAR ME OUT#I know this song is about MJK’s mom but#S3 alhtred when Uhtred realised Alfred was really dying and there were still so many things that hadn’t said and done#do you see my vision#this song#this fucking song has been one of my favorite songs for years#but it was not until I was singing this song earlier that I realised it had the alhtredest lyrics ever#good job MJK and please come back and make another a perfect circle album I beg of you#BTW the never taste of the fruit part#my headcanon is Uhtred always knew there was something going on between he and Alfred#he KNEW Alfred loved him A LOT#he never called it out because Alfred’s feeling was the most dangerous fire to play with and if he handled poorly everything would crumble#and honestly it already did in 3x02#but he also knew if he didn’t do something about it this pious mf would never confess even the tiniest amount of it#and now god actually decided to take alfred away from him when they might never see each other again#he just started cursing about the Christian god that made Alf this way and all that could’ve been between them#the last kingdom#alfred x uhtred#uhtred x alfred#tlk alfred#alhtred#uhtred#Spotify#a perfect circle#funny that this song’s title is the name of Alfred’s stepmom lol#music
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I NEED TO GET DIAGNOSED! (violent explosion sounds and terrified screaming follows shortly after my proclamation of suffering
#this is in reference to multiple things. honestly. physical and mental#the lump ? who is she#the possibly undiagnosed adhd that my therapist rec'd i get tested for and my mom already has and is also pushing me to get tested for?#don't know her. who is that.#don't even get me STARTED on the OTHER thing my therapist + a separate counselor + mom said I need to get checked for. that. can wait 👍#we don't need to unpack that one. right now. :)#i mean every time it was brought up it was followed by ''but we don't need to get into that if you don't want to'' and you're so right#bestie I don't want to get into that. I came here to get told i have an anxiety disorder and get meds and instead what you hit me with#was thAT!!!!!!#GET ME OUT OF HERE.#clamtalk
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Hate thissss I feel like I haven't been properly productive today (somehow posting two art things Doesn't register properly in my mind) so I wanna stay up to get as much as I can down, but I also need to go to sleep in case I'm called in tomorrow because fuuuuuck going to work on little sleep that shit sucks. But also, the possibility of being called in makes me wanna stay up even more, so I can finish art in case I don't have time tomorrow. So now I'm sat up at 12:30 tired as shit but unable to draw or go to bed. The never-ending cycle of hell.
#ramblings#i wish they had someone else to call in on short notice. i dont hate coming in extra but i hate getting a text at like 7:10 when kennel#hours in the morning start 7:30. i knowww i should probably set a boundary but like. fuck#and you know what i wish my parents bothered to fucking understand how frustrating it is being called in so frequently#my mom specifically. i bring stuff with work up and its like a broken record. `if you go in all the time youll be seen as reliable!`#when i was talking about getting a day off to see my brothers marching last weekend she was like#`see what did i tell you? you make yourself reliable and theyll let you take off what you need` talking like i just asked for it off#after it had already been scheduled. girl i had to ask people to cover me still. i just#i hate it. i havent told her i told them i didnt wanna work clinic hours because she'd drill me about why#its just frustrating !! and when i say my genuine feelings its like she needs to correct me. like im thinking wrong.#this is why i had to fucking snap before setting the boundary of not covering clinic hours. because its always#`do what they ask every time because youll seem reliable` from my mom no matter fucking what. and then i already have issues#setting boundaries in general because i dont want to upset others or make them mad at me#ok sorry this has turned into. a wholeass vent. im just. at my wits end can you tell?#at this rate im really just getting nothing done. im going to bed#dont worry about me ill be fine. i just need to let it out and this is kinda my only outlet rn
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applied to a bunch of jobs! 😅🙏
#took me three days bc i really wanted my dad's input on my resume and he took a while to get back to me#but i reallyyyy wanted to have applications in my monday morning and now i do :)#also feeling much better aboutbthe whole thing now that i have stuff to be excited about#still really really sad abt leaving the kids at my current job tho#but i drove by some of the places i applied today and researched them and im really optimistic about some of them#i even heard back from one already which i was not expecting at all#she literally emailed me like half an hour after getting my application and started asking me questions#like a pre interview#so thats nice#we went back and forth a couple of times#its not my top top choice but that place isnt officially hiring and might take forever to back back to me#this place is a smaller home daycare type place and urgently hiring but the pay is super good and a home daycare environment might be nice#and the pay is pretty decent esp compared to what im making now#the top top place is a fancy pants private school that going to be way more thorough abt references and background check#so they'll take longer to get back to me#but i found out after applying that my friend's mom works there 🤯#so she's gonna ask her to put in a good word for me :)#but they're not officially hiring according to their website it just says they encourage people to inquire so i did#so p unlikely i would get that one but you never know#anyway!!!!#finally excited abt things and not just filled with dread and sadness abt leaving the current place and kids#still makes me sad but im not on the verge of tears thinking abt it anymore lol#this has been a shitpost
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also btw i have not lived in the same home as my father since .. well probably since my parents got divorced? when i got stuck in bahrain during covid times i was living with my mom & sister (& my mom did indeed rent a home in a gated community, my father lives in the village we grew up in bc he kept the house after the divorce). when i finally got my visa, i moved in with my gf in october 2021. last time i lived with my dad was before i moved to the UK for uni which was in.. 2015? i have only visited for a few weeks at most since.
#i recently started my master’s so unfortunately i have to be away from my gf sometimes tho#so im either living alone or w my gf#so like. he’s entirely wrong. my dad has never in his life even lived in a gated community. my mom did for 2 years#and she only lived there when i was an adult and had already moved for uni
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ILL COME OUT TO MY PARENTS AS BI TODAY
#IT IS TIME 🔥🔥#any tips?#Its been some years already and Im already in high school so I think I should be ready#my parents are not homophobic or anything but i don't know how they will react#im kinda nervous ngl#I'm not in love w anyone atm but I want them to know#I wish I could show them everything I like and I do but yea#Im kind of afraid of their opinion especially since my mom has always been pretty judgemental#my dad ia pretty chill tho but Im sure he will start making A LOT of dad jokes lmao#coming out#lgbt#bisexual#sapphic stuff
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My mom getting a new place is kinda making me anxious I think she thinks I’m gonna move in w her instead of my dad 😭 and I’m not sure why I don’t want to. Cuz she’s way better. But I don’t. And I feel responsible I think and plus my sisters will never favor my mom over my dad… so we’d live apart. but I’m 20 years old I can live whatever I want. But. But but but
#idk I really like our house too. it’s great. it’s exactly my style. I would miss it LMAO#but again my mom is just.. she’s so much more organized and she and my stepdad actually get stuff done#and take care of themselves. living w her would be more like we’re roommates and not how it is w my dad#who needs to be taken care of and doted on like a child. my sisters too but I don’t think they’d survive living without me at my dads 💀#or they’d be really pissed at me. at the least#my dads house is constantly horrible so messy so so so bad no free counterspace anywhere can barely walk thru the house and cat vomit#everywhere. unless I take care of all of it. I can’t have company over unless I know a week in advance so I can make it look like a normal#house. and at my moms it’s never like that. it’s messier than average sure but it’s never disgusting like that#people are always telling me not to do anything and let my family learn to clean up after themselves but if I don’t it will just get worse#and worse. they’ll wait weeks before doing anything. it’s embarrassing. and depressing. if I let it go long enough I am miserable every day#after being homeless or on the verge of homelessness for 10 years my dad can’t even appreciate the fantastic house we have 😭#he has to fuck it all up. it’s not 100% his fault bc my sisters do fuck all but he DID teach them to be this way. the only reason I do#anything is because I snapped out of planning to kill myself and realized that I needed to be there for my sisters. so I started being like#their parent more and more. but they still never learned to unload the dishwasher or take out the trash without screaming about it.#I’m just very overwhelmed and nervous about this move. I also feel horrible as if I’m disappointing my mom if I don’t move in. I don’t want#to disappoint her any more than I already have..#she is soooo excited about giving me a room the basement so I can have my bunnies there..
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????????????
+
#i have a fever and started hallucinating this so i needed to get it out of my system#shanks x buggy#yes i have an ipad and procreate but no i dont know how to use it#the DID YOU FUCK MY MOM SANTA scene has been playing on repeat all day#i completely lost it a the luffy fanart inspired by it#which really shows how sick i am cause i already saw it before and did a lik hehe but today? i feel insane#also zoro is a cross guild truther cause why else would cross and mihawk start hanging out with buggy#also if someone already did this im sorry i genuinely dont recall anything i saw today on the internet
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HOLD ON i can't stop thinking about a take i keep seeing that's like "kraken ed wasn't really that bad, he only hurt izzy and izzy deserved it." because like, even putting aside the izzy apologist in me, it's still just objectively wrong. he pushed lucius off the ship! as far as anyone knew he killed him!! that seems kind of like hurting someone to me!!
#plus the yknow. threatening the crew with a gun#nearly killing them all#not to mention the crew watching him hurt izzy is not a great fucking time for them#like even if they think he kinda sucks ur boss just fuckin SHOT him !! you're probably gonna be a little scared of the guy after that!!#anyway i still have mixed feelings about the whole “ed is abusing izzy” thing#but i have been rotating this in my head for a while and i need to say it here or i'll start talking to my mom about it#i have already discussed with her the izzy dying discourse at length#ofmd#ofmd s2#izzy hands#ofmd 2#our flag means death#ofmd season 2#ofmd spoilers#edward teach#sorry i don't know how to tag this for ppl who don't want to see it#i assume anyone who'll be too annoyed by it has blocked me already
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footnotes arent enough I need you to talk to me like im fucking Amelia Bedelia
#this isn’t about anything in particular btw. I just have to add a lot of memos when I’m doing things because some things are done a certain#way and it isn’t explained well in the instructions. like my mom has instructions on her baking recipes right#but when it says stuff like add dry ingredients to wet ingredients it also means you don’t dump it in one go you add it slowly by portion#this is probably why I find videos and demonstrations the most helpful when I learn something. like I almost always ask someone to show me#how they do it because there could be something they do that’s already second nature and wouldn’t really be considered in an explanation yk#I don’t think I’m an exception either. when the rice is done cooking I divide it into 4 quarters to bless it#but there are a million ways to divide rice and it makes me think that one persons way of doing it or not doing it all is just as valid#theres also technically no wrong way to divide rice afaik. this means either all ways of dividing rice is safe or valid until we find some#universally terrible way of dividing rice. until that happens nobody really thinks about specifying HOW you divide the rice#source: I have anxiety starting and doing things for the first time because I got way too many people yell at me NONONO WHAT ARE YOU DOING#THATS WRONG while I’m in the middle of doing the thing. I would rather have people think I’m either very stupid or overly specific#than go thru the panic inducing fear of ‘YOURE DOING THIS WRONG OMG WHY DIDNT YOU ASK AHEAD OF TIME THIS WILL BE FUCKED UP FOREVER’ 🧍#nothing wrong if you don’t give something a second thought because you’re so used to it. but I can and will ask about it and I don’t think I#really should feel bad about it if I don’t know enough to dispute it. idk#the other way around I try to be as specific as possible and word things in a way that people who might not get where I’m coming from will#understand. but the problem with that is my explanations tend to be lengthy and I lose them either way 🗿#Im. trying to work on that using examples and stuff because they seem to work the best#but if I could write everything down on a word doc and beam it into your melon that would save both of us time and embarassment#im rambling the short version is I have adhd#yapping
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I love being T4T. My gf has been on estrogen for a couple weeks now and she's been having a rough time with her mood so I'm teaching her about the ancient art of soaking in a bubble bath with a little drink to sip while watching shows on your laptop
#pro-tip for any girls newly on E. this is The Cure for PMS#(which accurately describes what youre going through btw)#other great cures include putting on nice smelling lotion and fuzzy socks and wrapping yourself in a blanket burrito/nest#also eating lots of chocolate or other sweets and drinking your favorite caffeinated beverages#my mom used to always put on lotion and fuzzy socks and drink dr pepper and eat chocolate#my cousin likes to watch netflix in the bath with wine and then get in a blanket burrito with her favorite lemonade tea#if youve got someone to take care of you then you dont even have to come out of the burrito. you can just ask them to bring you things#all of these methods help a lot. we're experts on this you can trust me (family of people with endometriosis)#also if youre having headaches and bloating and stomach pain you might try midol (generic works fine)#it has acetaminophen for pain + caffeine for headaches (like excedrin) + antihistamine for bloating#also to clarify: i said girls newly on E only bc i figured girls who have been on it for a while might have already figured this stuff out#but PMS is by no means exclusive to transfems who have newly started on E#many transfems have reported getting PMS symptoms and even cramps on a monthly basis after being on estrogen for a while#this is bc after a while on E your body can start naturally making more estrogen and this can come with its own hormone cycle#and as a result you can essentially get all of the symptoms of a period just without the actual bleeding#(this can include cramps bc even in cis women the signals for the muscle spasms can sometimes get misdirected to nearby organs—#unfortunately causing stomach issues as well)#so if anyone out there happens to not already know this information and youve been feeling like shit periodically for seemingly no reason#now you know 😅#its your period#rambling
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