#and honestly it already did in 3x02

[hikaruchen]

You're such an inspiration for the ways

That I will never ever choose to be

Oh, so many ways for me to show you

How your saviour has abandoned you

Fuck your god!

Your lord, and your Christ

He did this!

Took all you had and left you this way

Still you pray, you never stray, never

Taste of the fruit!

Never thought to question why

[justauthoring]

the bond - chapter twelve.

*bond: a relationship between people or groups based on shared feelings, interests, or experiences.

word count: 7037

based off of: 3x01, 3x02 & 3x03

a/n: beginning of seasonnnnn threeeeeeeee

tag list: @ernyaeger - @luvelyxp - @urfictional - @decaffeinatedtealover - @ange-lica-3 - @midzuumi - @leiriswhore - @urfictional - @frasheliza - @echothy​ - @usernamehere91​ - @happygirl5798​ - @dwarfnip​ - @hegdus let me know if you’d like to be added!

“They’re fighting again.”

“They’re always fighting,” you remind, rolling your eyes with a quick glance in Historia’s direction. She smiles lightly at that, Mikasa choosing to remain silent, while you can’t help but snort softly to yourself, stepping ahead of the two of them to pull open the door. You let them slip by first, coming in after them, the second you’re in, you cast a quick glance at Jean whose eyes are already on you.

Almost instantly, both of your eyes divert from one another, a light blush dusting across your cheeks as you hear Mikasa call out; “we’re back.”

“Wait,” Armin calls out, eyes wide with concern as he makes his way over to the three of you. “Were you just chopping firewood?”

Mikasa shrugs; “gotta stay in shape.”

“You got grabbed by a Titan!” Armin recalls with urgency, stepping towards Mikasa, shaking his head. “You should be in bed.” 

“That’s why we were there,” you offer, gesturing to yourself and Historia, leaning past Mikasa with a small smile on your face as you try to ease Armin’s worries. “I made sure she didn’t strain herself too much.”

Armin just continues to stare in worry, eyes flickering from your own to Mikasa’s.

“It’s no use anyways,” Eren chimes in, his grip on the broom in his hand slacking as he huffs in exaggeration. “I try to stop her, but she won’t listen.” Unphased as usual, Mikasa simply steps forward, leaving your side as Eren adds; “I saw her doing sit-ups earlier!”

Glancing over to Eren, you raise a brow, that’s bound to–

“How dare you, you peeping Tom!” Jean cries, voice twisting with indignation as he turns back toward Eren.

Yup. Figured.

“Huh?!” Eren calls back, just as frustrated, “how does that constitute “peeping”?!”

“That’s enough, you two,” you call, thoroughly exasperated with their arguing. It’s been non-stop lately, and although you cherished both of them deeply, you were, quite frankly, sick and tired of hearing them argue. Especially this early in the morning. 

And honestly, you didn’t really want to hear them argue over Mikasa like that – or rather, hear Jean argue over Mikasa like that.

Reaching forward, you set your hand on Jean’s shoulder, giving it a light tug as you pull him back; “stop fighting.”

Both go to defend themselves, before;

“It’s almost like we’re back in the Cadet Corps.”

It’s Sasha who says it. Everyone’s attention falls on her in surprise at her words, an admittance you’re sure everyone’s been feeling but too scared to say – it did feel like you were back in the Cadet Corps. Only, you were missing some people.

“Yeah…” Armin agrees faintly, “why do you figure we were chosen for the new Levi Squad, though? Protecting Eren and Historia is such an important mission…”

“Because we’re talented, I assume.”

Honestly, you have to give her credit. Her words don’t falter at all – even as she slips a potato into her bag.

It seems you’re not the only one who notices either. Armin, face darkening with realization, calls out; “Sasha… what did you just put in your bag?”

“That would be bread,” you chime in, raising your finger in her direction.

She sends you a glare; “no! In fact, it’s nothing bread-related!”

“Why, you!” Jean calls out, stepping towards Sasha, Eren trailing closely behind him.

Connie turns to her, setting his hands on his hips; “give it back.”

“Hey, focus!” Eren calls desperately, “we gotta finish cleaning before the captain gets back!”

“Put back the bread!”

They all move to argue, and just as you go to help, a slam behind you causes you to jump, freezing in your spot. You slowly glance over to Historia who's still standing on your left, and it seems she’s noticed the same thing as a figure falls in front of her, blocking her from your view before you slowly flicker your gaze up, wincing when you realize your fears were correct.

It’s Captain Levi.

“What’s this commotion about?”

None of them except for Eren notices him, not at first.

“Guys,” you hiss, trying to get their attention.

But Levi doesn’t say anything. Not at first. He just steps towards the table in the middle of the room, letting his hand drift across the bottom of it, and it’s then that everyone’s attention snaps to him, waiting with bated breath.

You swear you hear it, through the thick silence that swallows you all, the sound of little dust particles hitting the ground as he pulls his hand away, glancing at it briefly before turning to the group. “I’m quite sure I gave you enough time,” he says, voice blunt and emotionless. 

You wince, glancing to your feet.

“Anyways,” he continued, raising a cloth to wipe at his hands. You blink, surprised at the lack of anger — normally laziness (in his mind at least) was punished far more severely. “We’ll discuss your cleaning job another time. Eren.” The captain shifts his body towards said boy. “Hange is itching to get the experiment started.”

“R-Right.”

-

THE FIRST WEEK THERE

-

“You okay?”

Blinking, you glance up, eyes widening at the sight of Jean. he’s leaning against the door to the room you shared with Sasha, Mikasa, and Historia, a tint of concern in his eyes as he stares back at you.

“Jean,” you call, surprised, “what’re you doing here?”

“I finished helping Hange’s team with the cleanup, and I couldn’t find you. Eren said you practically rushed in here the second you got back.”

Cheeks warming, you glance at your feet; “Levi assigned me cleaning, as usual. I thought I’d start with the girls room.”

“And it’s got nothing to do with the failed experiment?”

Meeting Jean’s gaze, you frown. “No.”

But he just raises a brow.

“Fine,” you huff, crossing your arms over your chest as you glare at him. “But I don’t want Eren knowing that. He already feels bad enough as it is, I don’t need to make him feel more guilty–”

“Tch,” Jean scoffs, rolling his eyes as he makes his way over to you. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”

“Jean,” you sigh, “I’m serious. It’s silly anyway.” You brush off with a shake of your head. 

“No,” Jean says quietly, “it’s not stupid. Especially if you’re upset.”

Eyes widening, you try to fight the blush that threatens to flood your cheeks, averting your gaze to your feet as you swallow thickly. Why’d he have to go and say things like that? All the time? Always flustering you and catching you by surprise… he was lucky no one else was around to witness this, or you’d beat him up.

“I just thought I’d be able to go back home soon is all…” you whisper, digging your nails into the skin of your arm to hold back just how upset you really feel. It was selfish. You knew how hard Eren had been trying and this whole thing of him being able to shift into a Titan was still so unknown too – and to him most of all. You didn’t want him thinking he had another reason to feel awful about it, which you knew he would if he somehow found out.

“Oh, yeah,” Jean nods, “you came from Shiganshina, right?”

Biting your lip, you nod. “Yeah,” you whisper, and you swear if you close your eyes you can see the streets you used to run through, can see Ms. Schneider smiling at you from across the way and hear your mothers voice calling for you from the next room over… 

“I just… when it happened, when Reiner and Bartholdt kicked that hole into that wall, I left everything behind.” Your mother included, but you don’t mention that. “I know it’s all destroyed, it would just be nice to see it again.”

There’s a beat of silence, before you feel Jean shuffle. He steps closer to you, and then suddenly he’s right in front of you, inches apart – your head raises and you feel your cheeks warm at the intimate distance. It was always like this between him and you. You never knew how to gauge his actions. He could be so oblivious sometimes, loud and boisterous and always fighting or yelling (specifically with Eren) and then sometimes, rarer–moments like these… it’d just be the two of you and he’d be so… different.

Not in a bad way and not in the way that you meant you didn’t like who Jean was any other time. You’ve long accepted that your feelings for Jean were less than simply platonic, but you were too afraid of saying anything. Sasha often teased you, but she at least had the decency to do so when Jean wasn’t around. And you didn’t miss the looks Historia or Mikasa would send you, small smiles on their lips when they’d notice you blushing after Jean had done something. You knew how you felt about Jean, but you didn’t know how he felt about you.

You liked to think, or maybe hope, that he returned your affections and moments like these made you feel like maybe that hope wasn’t so sillily placed. There’d be times where he was so gentle around you, his voice would lower and his tone would turn serious, his eyes focused on your own… he’d go out of his way to help you with things, rushing to open the door for you when your hands were full, or offer to help you with your chores. Things like that.

Things that made you feel like maybe, just maybe, he liked you too.

But then he’d argue with Eren, and some way or another the topic would hint at or lead to Mikasa and your hopes would get crushed with a blink of an eye.

It was confusing. Too confusing. It makes your heart feel like a scrambled mess of emotions and your brain loses focus. 

Jean sets his hand on your arm, pulling you from your thoughts as your lips part and you glance up at him. 

“I’ll make sure that one day you’ll get to see your home.”

Eyes widening, you feel your heart flutter, a warmth spreading through you.

“Somehow, some way. I promise.”

He’s grinning wide at you, in that typical way of his; cocky but endearing at the same time and you find yourself at a loss for words, brain fumbling for something to say as you feel your stomach erupt with butterflies and your chest tighten in response.

“So, try to cheer up, okay?”

Swallowing thickly, you nod; “o-okay.”

His hand is falling from your arm, and you find yourself missing the contact, his touch warm and comforting. His lips are moving and you’re pretty sure he’s saying something about having to help Armin with dinner that night, but you don’t hear any of it, simply nodding numbly as you watch him leave. The second you’re alone, a breath slips past your lips and you feel yourself hot, pressing your palms to your cheeks as you shake your head.

You were acting like a frazzled little girl. But still, you couldn’t help it.

Seriously.

Why did he have to go and say something like that?

-

Another failed experiment.

It’s hard not to feel discouraged after so many failed attempts, and the mission for retaking Wall Maria to be pushed back further and further with the looming threat of it being shelved all together. Although you hadn’t expressed it to anyone other than Jean, and even then that had been minimal, the idea of being able to return home had filled you both with hesitance and urgence. The idea of being able to reclaim the wall and go back home was a soothing one in the same way it was a harrowing thought; the village was demolished after everything that had happened, there would probably be remains of the people who’d been left there to die, objects left in the wake of their panic to get out. Houses destroyed, buildings unrecognizable, the same streets you’d walked along your entire childhood would be nothing but littered with the remnants of those who’d died.

That was where your mother died. That was where you watched her get stomped on, crushed beneath Titan feet, left to nothing but pieces of a body on the ground.

That was where Ms. Schneider died. All alone. Sacrificing herself so that you could get on that boat.

And yet, it was the place you’d grown up. Your home had been where you’d taken your first steps, where you’d stay with your mother for hours while she read to you as a little girl, those streets had been the same ones you’d walked every morning to Ms. Schneider’s house so you could help her out with the daily errands. You’d spent every moment until you were ten there, and despite everything you missed it. Craved for it. Even if you knew you’d be disappointed by what you’d see if you ever made it back.

Even though you knew it’d never be the way it was.

It was your home.

It was where all your memories of your mom existed. Of Ms. Schneider.

When the mission had first been told to you, you’d had to pinch yourself to stop a reaction that would get you in trouble. You’d been both terrified and excited, but all the same, you’d wanted to. You wanted to go back. You want to take back Wall Maria, and you want to go back to Shiganshina.

But now it feels like you never will.

Not to mention… finding out a man had been tortured and murdered for information on you all? On Eren and Historia? Because they were so desperate to find all of you…

Whatever your feelings on Pastor Nick had been, a man had still been murdered. Tortured. 

Meaning only one thing, just like Levi had said, the Military Police was after you all, for information, because you were harboring Historia and Eren.

And now this? Forced to leave the house you’d been hiding in for weeks, forced to leave in a rush, hastily erasing every trace of any of you existing.

It was hard to stay positive after so many failures.

Staring ahead, you watch from a distance as the Military Police break into the house, forcing their way in and destroying everything in sight for even the briefest glimpse of any of you. It was hard to ignore the fear thick in your throat or the way your hand shook holding the gun Levi had handed you, standing there, shocked.

“That was close…” you hear Connie mumble, “if we hadn’t left right then, what would’ve happened to us?”

“But why?” Armin presses, “what would make Commander Erwin…?”

“New orders came from the government,” Levi explains as Armin turns to him. “There’s been a freeze on all Scout Regiment activity outside the wall. They’re telling us to hand over Eren and Historia.”

Eyes widening, you turn, facing Levi.

“By the way,” the Scout that had handed Levi the note from Commander Erwin, Nifa, says, “right after he gave me the message… the Military Police came for him…”

“So he’s been arrested?” you whisper, glancing around in panic.

“That’s treating him like some sort of criminal!” Hange calls out in disbelief.

Levi just shakes his head. “Someone’s not working from the shadows anymore. They’re moving for all eyes to see.”

“To go that far to protect the wall’s secrets…” Hange mumbles, “what’s more, why do they want us to hand over Eren and Historia? Not to kill, but for them to obtain?”

“Who knows?” Levi shakes his head, scoffing at the reality of it all. “Anyways, it’s clear the enemy is after these two. Loitering around here is dangerous.” He steps forward then, nodding to everyone. “We’re moving her and Eren to Trost District.”

That catches everyone's attention.

“Why?” Moblit argues, “that’s the same place Pastor Nick was killed.”

“It’s worse to head towards the interior. With Trost in a panic, it should be easy to slip in. and if somehow it comes down to it, we can use these in the city,” shifting, he pulls back his jacket, gesturing to his OMNI gear.

“True…”

“Plus,” Levi continues, “not knowing the enemy puts us in a tough spot. We need to find out who's behind this. Hange, lend me some of your squad.”

They agree without hesitation, “of course.” Then, pausing in thought, they nod to themselves. “All right, I’m going after Erwin. Moblit’s with me. The rest of you will follow Levi.”

“Roger!”

Turning, Moblit trails closely behind them as they move to their horses. Just as Hange’s about to climb on their own, Eren calls out; “Hange!” Stepping forward, he holds his hand out, a sheet of paper held out towards them, “here. I remembered a conversation between Ymir and Bertholdt. Didn’t get time to tell you, but it’s here.”

Taking the slip of paper, Hange nods; “all right. I’ll take a look at it later.”

They get on their horse, and then, both Hange and Moblit take off.

-

It felt weird walking in Trost.

Especially with the looming threat of not knowing who the enemy was. Who was watching.

You’d all only been walking through Trost for a few moments, Sasha and Connie muttering quietly to themselves as Levi ordered you all to remain calm and not to cluster as a group to look suspicious. 

It was hard not to. Especially given that Levi had ordered you to keep an eye on ‘Eren’ and ‘Historia’, otherwise known as Jean and Armin disguised as both. It was obvious what Levi’s plan was, and you had to admit, for the lack of knowledge you all had and the disadvantage you all stood at, it was a smart plan. 

You just hated the thought of Jean being used as bait.

It was bound to go wrong eventually. You’re not so much surprised at the fact it’s happened but rather at how quickly it had when Levi suddenly spins, hand stretched out before him as he cries out; “everyone, look out! Behind you!”

But it’s a second too late. A glance back, and you barely had time to move out of the way before a wagon comes barelling, knocking you off your feet as you stumble, losing your balance. The wagon disappears just as quickly as it had appeared, and gathering your bearings, your eyes widen when you see it racing off, both Jean and Armin having been grabbed along the way.

“Armi–” Stopping herself, Sasha holds her hand out, shaking her head; “I mean, Christa and Eren! They got snatched away again.”

Sitting up, you glance over at Levi for a moment, before pushing yourself to your feet.

There was no time to waste.

-

THE NIGHT BEFORE

-

“If she’s going in, so am I.”

“Honestly, Y/N, it’s not that–”

“No, Jean,” you cut off, meeting his eyes briefly, “it is a big deal.”

“Y/L/N–”

“I’m just as good,” you argue, spinning to face Levi, ignoring for a moment that he’s your superior and if you were in your right mind you would never talk to him like this. “I can fight hand to hand, and if you’re not going to listen to me about using them as bait then I’m going in with Mikasa.”

Sighing, Levi’s shoulders fall, pressing a hand to his forehead. “You’re usually not this disobedient, Y/N.”

Faltering slightly at that, you flush, glancing down at your feet. “Please, Captain, I can help. I’ll be more helpful down there then up with Connie and Sasha.”

“Fine,” Levi relents, “but you follow her lead. And you stay quiet. Don’t get yourself caught or you screw up the entire plan.”

Nodding without hesitation, he glances at you once more before stalking off. You glance over at Mikasa, who simply nods at you, but you see the faint smile on her lips, before walking off herself. Eventually, you realize, it’s just you and Jean.

“What’d you do that for? Captain Levi is not someone to mess with.”

Glancing over at Jean, you huff; “I wanna be there to help you.”

“It’s not like Mikasa wouldn’t be capable.”

You pause at that, turning away from him as you cross your arms over your chest. Of course you knew Mikasa was capable of handling all of those men on her own, realistically, you thought she could take down a whole army by herself sometimes. But still, did he not have faith in you? Maybe he thought you were being a burden just like you’re sure Captain Levi did…

But no. You were capable. Not that it mattered so much anymore, but you’d ranked only second to her – you were strong. And perfectly capable. What good would you be as a lookout? And it wasn’t like you had Sasha’s archery skills…

You could be back up. Miss the ones that slipped by Mikasa or… or something.

“I know that,” you hiss, shaking your head, “I just wanted to help.”

It must be the way you say it. You’re not facing him so you don’t even properly notice, but suddenly Jean’s eyes widen and he’s stepping towards you as you shuffle away from him, hugging yourself, before he sets his hand on your shoulder and tugs so you’re facing him.

“I’m sorry,” he offers gently as you slowly raise your eyes to meet his. “You’re the only one who argued against using me and Armin as bait. I understand why we’re being asked to but still… thank you.”

Swallowing thickly, you’re glad it’s dark out so Jean can’t notice how red your cheeks are.

“You’re welcome,” you mumble, unable to ignore the way your heart races in response.

-

The plan had succeeded without a hitch.

Nothing wrong had happened.

You were able to retrieve Jean and Armin with ease, and the men who had taken them were, quite honestly, idiots.

They hadn’t even been good fighters. You and Mikasa had been able to take them out in seconds, and you were sure that even if you or her hadn’t been there, one of you would’ve been enough – they were fools.

And that plan had finished with ease.

It was almost too easy.

“Gun shots!”

Raising a brow, you glance over at Sasha who’s stood beside you, taking in the look of wild panic in her eyes.

“From there!”

Connie presses his hands to the back of his ears, cupping them in an attempt to hear better but you just shake your head.

“This isn’t good,” you frown, glancing ahead of you in the direction she’d pointed. “Sasha’s hearing is seriously not something to doubt.” You glance up at Mikasa and Jean. “Something’s wrong.”

“You think something happened?” Jean questions, on the roof next to yours, slightly higher.

“Most likely,” Mikasa agrees with you, pulling your eyes on her in surprise. “The Captain had this message for us… from now on, we’ll be fighting humans, too, and not just Titans.”

Inhaling sharply, you shake your head.

“Huh?” Jean calls, “you mean…?”

She races forward in the next second, clicking her omni gear in action, and with a single glance Jean’s way you follow after her. It had felt wrong to you the second you’d been able to save Jean and Armin with barely any effort. No, it had felt wrong the second they even fell for this trap – you figured the Military Police wouldn’t be fooled by such simple disguises, and certainly not let them be saved without putting up more of a fight.

It’d be an embarrassment to them. It wouldn’t look good on their image.

There was something terribly wrong.

The rest catch up with ease, probably only having waited a second after you and Mikasa, and you keep your eyes peeled, trying to spot either Levi or Eren and Historia.

“Hey!” Connie bellows from your left, your eyes falling on him before lowering to follow his gaze. Your eyes widen. “There’s Eren!”

They’ve been captured. The wagon they’d been hidden in had the top pulled off and by the looks of it, the both of them were knocked out with their hands tied behind their backs. You didn’t recognize the woman steering the wagon either.

A second later, a blur breezes by.

“It’s Captain!”

As soon as the words leave your lips, a figure gains on him. Panic floods you when you see the man pull out his gun and aim it right at Levi, with the intent to kill. 

“What the hell!”

If it wasn’t for how skilled Levi was, he probably would’ve been shot – instead, he’s able to narrowly dodge the bullet, swinging his body around and latching the hooks of his OMNI gear right into the man's stomach before zipping forward and slicing him right across the chest with his blades; effectively killing him.

Feeling sick, you swallow back the bile that threatens to come pouring out.

Is that what you were expected to do…

Landing on the side of the building, Levi glances back at the six of you as you get closer; “chase the wagon!” he orders.

“Yes,” Mikasa calls out in response.

“Listen up,” Levi warns, following into step with you, “they’re used to fighting other people! They already got three of ours.” A series of gasps leaves all of your mouths. “If we’re gonna get those two back, you can’t hesitate! If you get the chance to kill, you do it. Got it?”

It’s only a second before Mikasa responds; “roger.”

But you can’t muster the words.

Levi zips forward, pulling the guy standing on the back of the wagon off, before calling over his shoulder; “Armin! Jean! Secure the wagon! We’ll cover you!”

You glance back, watching as Armin calls out for Jean with urgency before the two land on the wagon. Just as the woman steering the wagon raises her gun, Mikasa flies into her, knocking her off her balance, so she falls right in front of Jean, his blade held at her throat. Even from where you are, you can see his hand shaking, and eyes focused on him, you see the woman’s body move before she does, his name leaving your lips in a cry as he’s flipped to his butt, a gun held to his head.

Your heart falls to the pit of your stomach, fear striking you. You don’t notice the body creeping up behind you, hyper-focused on Jean as you desperately try to make your way to him before the woman presses the trigger.

He can’t die.

You can’t… you can’t lose him too.

“Y/N! Behind you!”

It’s Levi who calls for you, pulling you from your thoughts as you gasp in surprise, glancing over your shoulder only to see the barrel of a gun staring back at you. The man holding it is grinning at you wickedly, and it feels like time slows as you see his finger move, pressing slowly against the trigger, twisting your body so that you shift to the right, before a sharp pain radiates through your entire left arm, a cry leaving your lips. The pain and pressure causes your left hand to twitch, losing the grip on your trigger so you don’t hook on the wall across from you properly, freefalling for a brief moment before your body crashes into the ground a second later, the pain spreading across your entire body as you skid across the ground.

Shit.

You fucked up. You’d been too distracted, too worried about Jean, you hadn’t been aware of your surroundings and you’d gotten hurt because of it. Had anyone else–

Forcing your body over, you just managed to catch sight of Levi slicing his blade towards the man who’d shot you, stopping him from coming after you like you realize he’d been about to. Levi’s head turns over his shoulder just as he finishes, obviously trying to assess how hurt you were, but you shake your head, trying to sit up enough to glance in the direction of the wagon.

Jean.

You needed to know if Jean was okay.

“Y/N!”

It’s Connie and Sasha, landing right next to you before the latter falls to her knees in front of you, pulling you into her arms.

“I’m fine,” you brush off, voice breathless, trying to ignore the excruciating pain radiating through your entire body. “I’m fine. Is Jean…” You’re trying to catch your breath, trying to force the words out as panic seizes your entire body. You haven't been able to see–you never had the time to make sure. “Is Jean okay?”

Sasha just glances up at Connie who, pacing on his feet, shuffling forward, tries to get a look. “He’s okay,” he calls, and instantly, your shoulders sag with relief, letting yourself fall into Sasha’s grip a bit. “Armin too. Mikasa and Captain grabbed them but they got the wagon. They got Eren and Historia!”

No.

Letting out a hiss, the panic comes back and you try to stand up; “we have to go after them!”

“Y/N!” Sasha cries, pulling you back. “You’re bleeding, you have to stop!”

Gritting your teeth, you reluctantly let Sasha pull you back down, your vision blurring momentarily as the pain catches up to you. It isn’t just your arm, your ribs hurt too… you must have hurt them when you crashed on the ground because your breath felt short and it hurt to try to breathe in more. 

Everything hurt.

God, you shouldn't have let yourself get distracted.

But Jean… you’d thought Jean was going to die.

“Y/N?” A new voice calls, and you blink through the pain to see Jean racing towards you, Armin trailing behind him looking quite sick. He comes to a stop right in front of you, eyes wide with terror as he takes you in. You can’t see yourself, but you gather from the look on his and everyone else's face, it isn’t good. You know you’re bleeding, but Sasha won’t let you sit up enough to take a look at your arm. 

But shit–it hurts.

“What happened?” Jean cries, “is she okay?”

“She got shot,” Sasha calls out, shaking her head, “I don’t know what to do. She’s bleeding really bad.”

Jean’s lips part to say something, but before he can a voice interrupts him.

“We need to get off the streets, now!”

“Captain!” Sasha cries, “It’s Y/N! She’s hurt!”

“I’m fine–” you try to argue, but Levi is suddenly kneeling in front of you, pulling you away from Sasha as he leans over, taking a look at your arm. “Shit,” he curses, then, slowly, his eyes flicker to you. “Did you get hurt anywhere else?”

Swallowing thickly, you hesitate.

“Y/N!”

“My-My ribs,” you whisper, turning away from him. “I got knocked off balance and I think I may have bruised them when I crashed into the ground. It hurts to breathe…”

Levi glances at you for a second more, before he looks up, surveying the area. “Okay, Jean, help me get her up.” Nodding, Jean rushes forward like he’d been waiting anxiously for the chance, and you feel the two of them slip their arms under you before pulling you up. They hesitate a moment when you let out a cry involuntarily, it cutting short as you bite your lip, ignoring the look Jean sends you as their movements slow, feeling the agonizing pain continue until you’re finally on your feet.

“Mikasa, Sasha, use your gear, get ahead and find a place we can hide in.” Mikasa only hesitates a second, sending one last glare Levi’s way before the two of them head off. “Armin, are you okay?”

Your eyes fall on the boy, taking in how pale he is.

“F-Fine.”

It’s obvious he’s not, but he’s trying.

“Okay,” Levi nods, “Connie, Armin, follow Mikasa and Sasha, keep an eye out. Jean,” you watch as his eyes turn to Jean next to you. “Me and you are gonna help Y/N, okay?”

Feeling embarrassed by how useless you were, you glance at your feet. 

Jean nods without hesitation, worried eyes drifting across you briefly before turning back to Levi.

“Okay.”

-

“I pulled out the bullet, got the bleeding to stop and bandaged it. I don’t think your ribs are broken, just bruised. You should be okay.”

Glancing up at Levi, you swallow thickly, nodding as you keep your eyes trained ahead of you, up at the ceiling of the warehouse Sasha and Mikasa had managed to find. The second Jean and Levi had brought you there, Levi had ordered Sasha to find something for him to clean the wound with and some bandages before setting you up on your bed cot that Jean had moved to lay out for you.

Levi had then proceeded to bark at the rest of them to leave and get dinner ready, and all had followed without hesitation, though Sasha had lingered briefly with worry back at you. Jean was the one who didn’t move, just staring back at you as you tried to avoid his gaze, until Levi had ordered him to leave once more, voice sharp. He’d left then, eyes never leaving yours until you were out of sight. The second you were alone, Levi had gotten started. You’d gritted your teeth but had refused to cry out as Levi pulled the bullet out of your arm. He didn’t have the right tools, so you imagine it was more painful than it would’ve normally had been, but you tried to not let it show. You were embarrassed enough as it was, feeling useless and like an idiot. 

You were skilled and you knew that. 

You knew you were better than that. 

You’d just been so afraid… petrified at the thought of losing Jean that nothing else had mattered.

At least it was you that had been hurt as a result. If someone else had gotten hurt, you wouldn’t be able to forgive yourself.

At your silence, Levi sighs, slowly pushing himself to a stand, moving to make his way over to the others. 

“Captain?”

Pausing in his steps, Levi glances down at you. 

You raise your gaze to his, frowning; “I'm sorry.”

You didn’t need to say what. You knew he knew.

His eyes drift across you, slowly, then, his eyes soften, just the slightest, and your lips part. 

“Not your fault, Y/N.”

He turns with that, not saying anything else and not giving you the chance to say anything either. But, his words provide a sense of comfort, allowing your body to ease, even just a bit, as you turn your head. You hadn’t known what to think of the Captain the first time you’d met him. You’d known who he was, of course you did – everyone knew who he was. Humanity’s Strongest Soldier. But when you finally met him, he’d seemed cruel and distant and Mikasa had complained about him enough to you to sway your opinion a bit; calling him a heartless asshole because he’d beaten the shit out of Eren the day in trial when he’d been arrested.

Still, there had been something.

His words were short and not overly friendly or compassionate, but they’d been enough. Truly, if he had coddled you, it would’ve made you feel worse and you think he knew that. 

Minutes pass as you lay there. You can hear the rest of them chatting in the next room over, but you just try to let your eyes rest, ignoring the pain that aches every time you shift just briefly. You needed to take this opportunity to rest, you refused to let yourself be any more useless than you already have been.

A pair of footsteps echo about an hour after Levi had left you, pulling your eyes over and onto Jean. He’s holding a bowl in his hands, and there’s a distant look in his eyes as he slowly makes his way over to you. You frown at the sight of the troubled look on his face. You’d overheard briefly what Armin had been forced to do in those moments where you’d gotten hurt, how Jean hadn’t, like you’d seen, been able to kill and so Armin was forced to – to save Jean. You couldn’t imagine how Armin felt, and from the brief seconds you’ve seen him, he hadn’t looked well.

But you imagined Jean felt terrible himself – in a different way. Riddled with the guilt that he hadn’t been able to do it and Armin had had to kill for his sake. It was a different feeling, one you couldn’t say you even understood; just like you couldn’t begin to understand how Armin had felt. You’d gotten yourself stupidly hurt while they’d all been risking their necks…

The guilt though? That you could understand.

“I figured you’d be hungry,” Jean offers when he feels your eyes on his, slowly blinking out of his own stupor to meet your gaze. Coming to a stop in front of you, Jean lowers himself so he’s sitting directly in front of you, glancing down at you. “How’re you feeling? Captain wouldn’t let me see you right away. Said he had to get the bullet out and then told me I should let you get some rest first. Was only able to sneak off with the excuse of giving you some food.”

A small smile curls on your lips at that; happy with the thought that Jean, despite everything, had been so worried for you.

Eyeing the bowl in his hands, you’re suddenly sick of being stuck on your back, and you shift, ignoring the sharp pain that radiates through you as you press your palms on either side of you to push yourself up. You hear Jean call your name in worry, but you continue to push yourself, lips pursed in effort as you feel his hands tentatively fall on you, hovering for a moment before he helps set you up so you’re sitting facing him, leaning against the wall behind you.

“You should be resting,” Jean frowns.

“I’m tired of laying down,” you argue, shaking your head as you take the bowl from his hands. It’s a small ration, something you’d expected given all of you were on the run and hadn’t had much time to grab anything besides the necessary. You let yourself ponder on how much everything has changed in such a short amount of time, how Eren and Historia had been taken…

So much had gone wrong.

“I messed up today,” you whisper, stirring the soup for a moment, feeling your chest tighten as you utter the words.

Jean breathes in, slowly, with how quiet it is you can hear it clearly, before he exhales. “I did too,” he mumbles, “it’s okay.”

“Everything just went to shit so quickly,” you huff, meeting his eyes as you frown up at him, trying to ignore the way you feel your eyes watering. You refused to let yourself cry, not now, not after everything. You already felt useless, you wouldn’t let yourself get emotional over it. “It’s just…”

And you pause a moment, not sure if you should say the words. But when you meet Jean’s warm brown eyes staring back at your own, not a single sound other than your voice, and the two of you tucked away from prying eyes of the rest of the team, you realize you want to. If there was one thing today had taught you is that you never know what might happen next, you never know when you might die… and as much as it hurts to think, you never knew when Jean might die. You would do anything to stop that from ever happening… but where you were now? What you were fighting for?

It would be silly to think it could never happen.

“Jean,” you whisper, “when I saw that woman point her gun at you, I… I couldn’t breathe. I felt stuck and this terror climbed up my throat and I wasn’t able to move even though I wanted to so badly… It’s why that man snuck up on me, if it wasn’t for Captain calling for me I might’ve been dead right now.”

Lips parting, Jean’s eyes widen; “Y/N, you…”

You set the bowl aside, half-hazardly laying it beside you that some of it splashes out in your rush. You ignore the pain that lashes out at you as you reach forward, with your good arm, and take Jean’s hand in your own, squeezing as you meet his gaze. “It made me realize how dangerous our lives are… with everything happening, Eren and Historia and being on the run, I…” Inhaling sharply, you try to ignore the nerves that crawl in your belly, making your hand shake and squeeze Jean’s own tighter. “It made me realize how-how I feel… about you…”

Jean doesn’t move. Doesn’t say anything.

The anxiety grows, thickens, and you rush to say more.

“When I saw the gun pointed at you, I nearly lost my mind.” You explain, “but I also realized that sometimes… I might not be able to do anything. Not with how our lives are. Someday, you could die… I could die… But I don’t want that to happen without you ever knowing my feelings.” Then, exhaling shakily, you add; “for you. I don’t know when they started, I mean,” you let out a small laugh, “I was so sure I hated you when I first met you… but then, I don’t know… something changed.”

Your voice trails, feeling you’ve rambled too long, feeling your cheeks impossibly hot. But the silence follows, swallows you whole, and when you finally dare to raise your head, to meet Jean’s eyes, he’s just staring back at you.

Swallowing thickly, you shift forward; “Jean?”

He’s shaking his head, pulling his hand from your own and your heart feels as if it’s being ripped apart as he hastily pushes himself to his feet. He still hasn’t said anything, not until he’s fully stood in front of you, glancing down at you with bright red cheeks and a wild look in his face, still shaking his head. 

“Jean–”

“I’m sorry,” he finally breaks out, “I.. I’m sorry.”

And then he’s turning, not saying anything more, not giving you a single ounce of explanation, rushing out of the room before you can even attempt to stop him. You sit there for a moment, the scene replaying in your head, before settling, and the hurt wells all over again – but this time not physical pain. It hurts deep in your heart, like someone had ripped it out of your chest.

You feel your vision well, the tears threatening to burst through and with haste you press your palm against your lips, trying to mask the soft cries that manage to slip past you. The bowl of soup Jean had brought you manages to catch your eyes, and with a cry, you kick at it, ignoring the way it splatters across the floor or the clatter that follows with it. Your body screams at you in response, and a whimper leaves your lips then as you go to clutch your arm, before staring down at your lap.

Then, after a moment, you let yourself fall back down, unable to stop the tears that stream down your cheeks, back turned towards the entrance of the room. And because your back is turned, you don’t notice the pair of eyes on your figure, watching with a deep frown etched on his lips because he’d turned back the second he’d had a moment to breathe, realizing what an utter and complete douche he’d been and most importantly, what a mistake he’d made.

But the second he sees you crying, he freezes and doesn’t say a word.

Like the coward he knows he is.

[imminent-danger-came]

*sets down my folding chair and sits* So, 3x01 of the o/w/l h/ou/se. Fair warning this is a negative rant so I'm putting it under a readmore:

I can not believe the stars were aligned for the PERFECT Hollow Mind parallel, and it DIDN'T HAPPEN. Hunter and Philip trapped in the same body/mind? Hunter fighting for control? Luz coming to terms with the fact that she lead Philip to the collector? Flapjack getting absorbed into Hunter like all those previous palismens were absorbed into Belos? Like that would have been so good it KILLS ME that it didn't happen. Learning how Philip and Caleb found their way to the Boiling Isles would have been way more satisfying coming from Philip himself.

And honestly like...the episode was fine-ish, but I think overall I was disappointed by it. I don't really care for how they handled Hunter and Luz's respective secrets, and I was SUPER disappointed by Luz's reaction to Belos' return. Like there he is, the man who caused about 3/4 of all your trauma, and like....nothing? Like on god running into Belos should have been the culmination of her s2 and 3x01 arc, yet it wasn't.

I also just kinda wish Luz's refusal to tell her friends she helped Phiplip meet the collector was based more in her fear of being a burden rather than the fear of her friends hating her. This isn't to say there weren't good moments in the special, but they were definitely scattered throughout the episode. It all just fell super flat for me. But I guess in general I find The Owl House to be a very mid show.

Since typing this post in my drafts I've also watched 3x02 and honestly, I feel the same way I did watching the first episode. The writers tried to give every character their own new mini arc instead of focusing on what had already been established previously. Which would be fine, except... this is the penultimate episode. We should be building off of everyone's series long arcs (of which Luz only really has, and I guess Hunter too since he was only around for season 2. Kind of Belos? They've just like, abandoned writing him).

Genuinely disappointed they took away all of the fucked-upedness from the Collector and just made him a lonely kid, rather than a child with the powers of a god and no regard for others or morals. His debut in "Hollow Mind" made him out to be someone who truly relished in chaos, and now he's just like...a child playing make-believe. I think an angle like this could have worked with a different approach, but the episode as is isn't really my thing.

Both these specials feel like "these are all the ideas we had for season 3, let's shove them into these specials" rather than effectively using the time they had. Like...the human world and hexside shenanigans are fun, sure, but focusing on the like...everything else you now don't have time to pay off is way more important.

[shebles123]

(Disclaimer: apologies in advance if someone has already talked about this!!!)

Okay, so this has been on my mind for a while now...we all know some of our favorite onscreen buddie moments:

--------------------

- 2x06 (dosed): "he is so cute"..."Yeah, he gets that a lot. You should see his kid, though"..."wait, chimney has a kid?"..."I thought you meant..." (yeah we know who you thought she meant, Buck 😏)

Also featured in this episode: JEALOUS EDDIE MODE

-2x14 (Broken): *Buck looking at Eddie with utter adoration*...I'll never get over the way buck bats his eyes 😍

-3x02 (Sink or Swim): "operation buck up buck"...honestly this entire episode was cute af with all the buck christopher family feels...not to mention the fact that Buck pretty much sacrificed his life by jumping in to the water after Christopher falls in.

-3x10 (Christmas Spirit): did someone say best buddie Christmas episode?? Also...who looks at their platonic friend like this 🤨

Even more Buckley-Diaz family feels:

3x12: *Buck and eddie help Christopher skateboard*...also, I love the fact that Eddie always goes to Buck when he needs advice about christopher...*ahem*...did someone say coparenting?

-3x18 (What's Next?): aka the return of JEALOUS EDDIE MODE...also I just adore the way Eddie tries to take care of buck throughout this entire episode, especially when he breaks his cool as buck casually mentions sacrificing himself again (STOP THINKING YOU'RE EXPENDABLE EVAN!!)

4x03 (Future Tense): *eddie struggles with technology and coparents with buck*...this is honestly one of the most disgustingly domestic buddie episodes...I mean...come on:

Also, the fact that Buck bought Eddie a very expensive coffee maker (even if it was a prank) is really sus...especially since firefighters in LA probs don't make that much money

-4x05 (Buck begins): aka eddie being a supportive and understanding husband...also you KNOW that Eddie was the one talking to Buck's parents about how amazing he is...that or he was sitting in the corner glaring while Hen and chim talk to Buck's parents (I'll let you decide)

- 5x01 and 5x02: I know this season hasn't been everybody’s favorite, but some of my favorite buddie moments happen in the beginning of this season...aka buck being very worried about eddie and that conversation buck and eddie have about Eddie's panic attack and doubts about Ana..."my kid loves her"..."is that enough?"...I just really feel like they are setting something up here.

-3x09 (Fallout): And we can't forget the absolute GOAT buddie scene...the scene that sold me on the fact that a canon romantic relationship is possible between these two...

The kitchen scene:

You cannot tell me these mfers weren't ready to eat each other if Christopher weren't in the room...

_________________

So...what do all these buddie scenes have in common you might ask?

well...all of these episodes were written or directed by one of these three people:

-Juan Carlos Coto, Andrew Meyers, and Marcus Stokes

I'd also like to highlight the fact that 3x09 (the kitchen scene episode) was worked on by both Juan and Marcus.

Why is this important? Well friends...for the very first time, in 5b, we will be getting an episode worked on by all 3 of these people together which ultimately means: BUDDIE SCENES (potentially sprinkled with sexual tension 🤞)

I swear tg, these mfers KNOW we love buddie and make sure to keep us well fed every time they are involved in an episode...

So strap in for 5x12 (fear-o-phobia)!!!! And get your clown hats ready 🤡🤡🤡

[loverboyromanroy]

honestly I'm pretty pessimistic about the line in the sand thing and am 99% sure it's going to be devasting, BUT I just keep thinking that a wedding is a very public place, roman's emotions will already be running super high, and gerri needs allies right now. she would not jeopardize having him on her side right now - he's so, so loyal. and she's too smart to make a scene at a wedding by essentially breaking up with roman who will already be vulnerable and emotional with his mom getting married. I think the line in the sand thing must be more of an ultimatum. but I cannot think what that ultimatum could be.

oh i'm sure it'll be devastating! no matter which way it turns out! no happy endings after all...

but you hit on one of the things i've been turning over in my mind this week (and this whole season tbh) – roman's loyalty and capacity for real feelings/intimacy...i didn't mean for this answer to become a roman/gerri deep dive but it did so LOTS of words under the cut lmao

their relationship is something the show crafted so diligently (and honestly, lovingly) in season two and those remnants of care bleed over into the first couple episodes of season three – the hotel room convo in 3x01, his appeal to her to keep him around (and then asking for her advice!) in 3x02, the hanging around her office/laurie convos in 3x04. those are all fun, flirty, mostly light-hearted moments that are keeping in tone with their relationship as established in season two. the notable absence is in 3x03 – and even then when nothing major happens between them, there's still that moment of insight into their relationship (when logan calls him into his office, roman not only is heading straight for her, casting her a quick 'i guess i'll be right there?' look, but it also implies that he and gerri are frequently working together) that very intentionally shows that she is a part of his routine.

then we get this shift at the shareholder meeting – tensions are high, the company's on the line, and they have a minor fracture. gerri is saving face, saying what needs to be said to get the deal done, and it upsets roman! at the time, i said i found it interesting that she responds so earnestly to the curt way he calls her out. she apologizes sincerely (rare on this show) and when she sees that's not enough...she takes it a step further! she calls him out in her speech, calls him a visionary, gives him the call with the president! it's our way of picking up that she's real – she's not bullshittin, she's not going through the motions, she genuinely is a partner in this partnership. and even that small moment of roman physically moving greg away from her while she's working – that happens post-apology but before her speech! in theory he's still annoyed with her and it's such a small, genuine moment that says "even when we're at odds, even if i'm pissed off, i still have your back" (he literally gets greg off her back! fucking crazy!)

THEN the real gulf opens up – logan brings roman under his wing as the roys all go to republican prom and we're completely devoid of gerri. i think her absence just as logan starts to embrace him is completely intentional, because the outset of their partnership in 2x03 literally starts with the question "how do i get my dad to take me seriously?" and now in 3x06, we see that they've done it! together, roman and gerri have gotten roman to a point where logan takes him seriously!

but where do we go from here? where do they stand in terms of emotions? there isn't exactly a resolution in 3x05 (besides roman's bashful observation of gerri talking about him during her speech) and we haven't had a moment to gauge where they stand since.

as you said, he's super loyal to her. he went to bat hard for gerri in 2x10 and 3x01 and he's been, mostly, defending her ever since. but what does that loyalty look like in this new world where he's daddy's favorite? if gerri's two purposes were to help roman gain his dad's respect and emotionally fulfilling his need for approval from an authority figure, where does she fit in this new arena where he has that respect and approval from thee authority figure? what does he need or want from her now that he's got what he set out to get?

that's where i think the emotional appeal comes into play – maybe, in the high of all this new found success, he thinks they can really change their relationship from business to personal. it also would connect with this really out there comment from shiv in 3x07 about tabitha and intimacy:

shiv (teasing): okay. the relationship was fine sexually and you're loving the intimacy of it all? roman (sarcastically): yes. i love the intimacy. i love people really getting to know me.

first of all...what the fuck lmao. (like, so interesting that shiv tries to be like "roman you're so gross for talking about me having sex all the time" when she's the one who brings up sex in this conversation, but that's for another post, another time.) second of all...even as he's seemingly playing at the fact that he does not want intimacy, there is one person that does really know him, someone that he has been more intimate with than maybe anyone in his entire life? and earlier in the episode, when laurie is mentioned, we're reminded with a glance that roman is still hyperaware of gerri having an intimate relationship with someone else – i wouldn't say he's even jealous as much as just...wary! and maybe confused as to why she's still got this thing going with this guy.

i don't know what to think! in doing this deep dive and reconsidering where we've been this season, i start to lean towards the idea of roman thinking, foolishly, the only thing left to conquer is "a real relationship" and perhaps he thinks "well, i already have something going with gerri, so why not her?". it's something shiv has been holding over him all season to prove that she's a more well-rounded/respectable person, it's something he's expressed a desire for in his own fucked up way in the past, and, tragically, it just can not come to pass for a million reasons.

i think it checks all the boxes of being too much and too dangerous for gerri, crossing the boundaries she's established as being important, and creates an impasse in that if there's no promise of something deeper, and gerri has already solved his problem of not being taken seriously by his dad, why should he continue having an alliance with her at all?

[ripclaudia]

what would be the ideal way for roman and gerri to come out of dickpicgate?

there are several ideal ways: what is ideal for roman, what is ideal for gerri and what is ideal for me, as a person deeply invested in their relationship.

(this got really long so it's under read more)

for roman, i think he's already pretty screwed since it is fully and entirely his fault. he's been building up a pretty good rapport with logan the entire season only it to be ruined by this, since logan clearly doesn't approve roman's attraction to gerri. and somehow i don't think gerri's going to be very appreciative about the whole situation since it certainly puts her career in jeopardy, as her conversation with shiv already demonstrated. roman's position depends pretty much entirely on how other characters (primarily logan and gerri) choose to deal with this, since roman doesn't really hold any power here as the assumed aggressor. i don't think he's going to lose his position in waystar, though it might happen if the case goes public and that is still possible (thanks shiv). but i do think that it's likely that the case won't be good for the relationship he has with logan and most likely will be very destructive for the one he has with gerri.

and for gerri, the ideal way for her career would be reporting roman. it would probably even be good for waystar, as a way of showing that they take these sort of allegations seriously and that not even the roys are above it. but i'm also sure there'll be some kind of discussion between gerri and logan and as much as i hate to say this, logan's (probably shitty) opinion matters. i don't think logan will want to make this a public case when they could easily just shut up about it. shiv can make all the threats she wants, but everyone knows it'll most likely go the way logan wants.

but i also believe gerri doesn't particularly want to report roman for this. while what roman did was absolutely wrong, i don't think it's something she would want to destroy his career for, given the time and energy she's put into cultivating him. also as far as everyone knows, the whole thing is entirely one-sided, including only roman being his weird self and sending dick pics to his superior, when in reality there's more. and she hasn't really been shown to be that uncomfortable with his inability to hold a conversation without sexual comments, it's more of an exasperation? gerri is also very clearly at least fond of roman and sees the potential in him, so i don't think she would have even considered the possibility of reporting him without shiv bringing it up.

though roman did fuck up quite monumentally, which i think will remind gerri of how dangerous her relationship with roman is. she has set boundaries with him and started dating, both good ways to keep her and roman's relationship contained. in 3x01 and 3x02 she even denies anything unprofessional having happened between her and roman, and additionally in 3x01 says that she remains a successful person by avoiding mess. but despite that their situation has become incredibly messy and honestly it blowing up to their faces was only a matter of time, especially considering how we've seen shiv suspicious of them all season. and they haven't even been up to much this season, i think the majority of what we've seen has been roman growing more and more attached to her, as proven by his jealousy over laurie.

yeah, so in my ideal realistic situation, neither roman nor gerri lose their jobs over this. gerri doesn't report roman but is consequently protected by logan's decision to keep the whole thing under the radar. roman is the one losing here, i imagine he'll lose logan's favor over this and that gerri will be at the very least putting some distance between them, if not something more. shiv will have some ammo to use later, but also i don't think the dp gate showdown will be the major thing in 3x09, so there'll definitely be something else, most likely kendall-related to finish the season.

but the results of this will end up hurting roman the most: he's probably no longer in logan's good graces and this will inevitably alter his relationship with gerri – a relationship that has proven to be seemingly the only semi-positive one he's had recently. and that's why i hope gerri won't report him or abandon him completely, because if she did, that would be devastating to roman. also, i'm not even entertaining the possibility that roman would fuck over gerri for this. i think he'd rather go down himself than see gerri lose her position.

and in my clown world they will be getting married tomorrow <3 or if i want to be a notch more realistic but still delusional, they'll work it out together and stay a dream team <3 let's see what happens

[landonkirbyappreciation]

Am I the only one who wants to see Landon have a full breakdown. Him just crying, where you can see the tears falling down his face. Or him screaming and yelling. Even throwing things all around(and Aria is a great actor and you know him doing that would be really well done). I mean I obviously don't want to see Landon in that type of pain because that would break my heart way too much. But at the same time I really really really want to see Landon realistically react to his trauma. Sure we got a tiny bit of that in 4x08 but I just want way more of it.

It’s like you somehow read my mind, I was legit thinking the other day about how I’d want a scene with Landon having a breakdown like that, literally all you said, that’s what I want. 😭 I’ve honestly wanted them to show Landon crying for such a long time now. Not because I wanna see him in pain either, but because I wanna see him react realistically to his trauma as well. Even though it would be so sad to watch. And he’s already probably feeling that pain anyway, he’s just not showing it and keeps it all in, which I think hurts him more. So I’d want him to be able to finally cry and release some of those emotions and let it out. I just really hate that they won’t let him cry or show all that he’s been feeling, they let other characters cry over far less. And it’s not as if Landon isn’t an emotional character. Like he was crying when he found out about his mom in 1x14, he was crying over Dorian in 2x13, you could even tell he’d been crying in 2x01 when he thought Raf didn’t wanna be around him anymore because when Josie showed up he quickly wiped his eyes and his nose. But we’ve still not fully seen him crying with actual tears falling, and we’re on season 4! But it’s like they’ve not had him cry or get that emotional since season 2 and idk why. I had been expecting him to be sobbing when Raf was dying in 3x02 but we got nothing. And there’s been plenty of times since then when he should’ve been crying too. He’s had even more reasons to cry after all he’s been through, now more than ever, and still nothing. It’s very strange, and yet another way that they ignore his trauma and just his feelings in general. And I just want a scene like that already. Though I’m also weird in that I like emotional scenes haha and I know that Aria would be amazing doing something like that. We really have only gotten just a tiny little something at the end of 4x08, and that scene was so good and Aria did such a great job. So just imagine if we got to see a whole lot more of that? It could be so good, so I completely agree with you.

[pastelwitchling]

🚨 PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME YOUR SPECULATIONS/RANTS 🚨

Now, with that out of the way, let’s talk about 3x02.

Oh my gooooods, this episode, guys. This post won’t be nearly as long as last week’s (Edit from future Rin from half an hour later; it is indeed as long as the last one), but there’s quite a bit to unpack here, so let’s get started.

First, Liz. I skipped every single one of her scenes 😂 I am so bored and completely uninterested with her work in LA, and her relationship with Heath. I feel like these past two episodes, and this episode in particular, she really has nothing to do anymore with Roswell. Everyone has some role to play, but she has this whole separate storyline going on somewhere else. She just doesn’t seem to have any integral part of the story this season. So yeah, every time her and Heath came on screen, I just skipped until it was over.

Second. Y’all. I could not bring myself to skip any other scene. Everyone’s storyline was interesting enough to watch, everyone was so fascinating. I even legitimately enjoyed Maria’s scenes! (Save for the one with Michael catching her, but I really enjoyed her reaction to him! I like that they’re giving them their old banter back with none of the “romance”, if that’s what you can even call it.) I really enjoyed everyone’s scenes. There’s such a clear improvement with the writing so far (gee, I wonder what changed), and I really hope the rest of the episodes are as good and even better than this one was.

Max looked so good this episode, his smiles and laughs at the beginning -- MY HEART 😍 I’m so proud of him for having written a manuscript, and maybe it also just makes me really happy because he and I connect so much now 😂 He’s a bookworm who’s written a novel, I’m a bookworm who’s written a novel -- I just love it very much 🙈❤

Hate me all you want, I don’t care, but I thought the Wyatt and Rosa scenes were extremely cute. If the show goes in this direction of truly redeeming Wyatt, I could totally ship them. I really, really enjoyed them, they were very cute to watch. I swear, I had this smile I couldn’t help the whole time like, “Aww!”. Obviously, I want Wyatt to be properly redeemed, I want him to be an actively better person, and I want Rosa to firmly decide that he’s good first, but if they do redeem him, then I’m all for this, I really loved it 🥰💗

Michael is the Dictator’s son?! I’ll tell y’all honestly, I thought Mr. Jones was actually the Dictator, and I was really shocked in the best way. This is how you surprise your audience. Not shock for the sake of shock, but shock that is relevant, that makes sense in the story, that makes people want to keep watching, not stop. What a brilliant turn of events, and you know I had a fic planned the second it happened which will hopefully be coming soon. No promises, but I’ll do my best.

And finally, we get to my Alex. Yeah! Alex is in this! I love how the general consensus has just been shock that he’s in it at all 😂 (Hell of a job, PR team, I can see you’re really on top of things 👍🏻.) I will confess though, I was a little worried about that when I found out, just because we know that Alex has to miss two to three episodes, and I’d hoped to get them out of the way early on, but it’s Alex, so you know, the world’s a better place for it.

Alex is officially Black Widow, and I don’t normally do this, but I 👏🏻 CALLED 👏🏻 THAT 👏🏻 PLOT 👏🏻 LINE 👏🏻. The way the Black Widow movie had inspired me to write about Alex, the way I just envisioned Alex as I was watching in that theater, the number of fics I wanted to write but didn’t because I was done with aus. And then the number of non-au fics I ended up wanting to write instead. Nevertheless, it doesn’t matter because I 🌝 called 🌝 it 🌝. Here is the fic where I called it. I’m very proud of myself for that one, and even prouder of the writers for recognizing what I’d already known since the Black Widow release date.

Words cannot describe Alex’s beauty this season. In the diner, in his cute suit, in that white-tee, the scene when Ramos (who I guessed was the one conducting the psych eval the second I saw him, by the way) opens the door and the lights come back on, the purse of his lips, the way he studied the Lockhart Machine (did anyone else just immediately think of Gilderoy Lockhart when they heard the name?), when he said, “No. I’ll take this one,” like the freaking badass he is?!!! 😍

I really enjoyed this episode. Admittedly, I am worried now that Liz is back since it seems like every time she’s around, they focus too much on social issues as oppose to the actual story going on, but I’m holding out hope for the best. I had a lot of fun, I don’t trust Mr. Jones at all, even less after the way he talked to Isobel. I’m really hoping the writers don’t take the typical route of doubt gnawing away at her and then making her help Jones despite it being the obvious worst thing to do. I’m also a little frustrated malex hasn’t interacted yet, but I’m sure it’s coming, and, according to Vlamis, in a really, really good scene. I’m choosing to keep faith that these writers know what they’re doing.

Gods, could you imagine if these people had been free to work on season 2 without constant interceptions from CAM? How different life would be. Alas, there’s no use lamenting the past. I just know that I’m eager for the story to move forward, and as Alex had been, for the first time in a long time, I’m hopeful.

[mymostimaginaryfriend]

5x07 Reaction Post

The Fox in the Hen House...or you know, that Fox you convinced yourself was a pet despite repeated reminders he preferred to bite your face off, bites some faces off....

Love that the getting ready montage wasn’t just for the ladies.  Holsters and ties should be like an entire accepted dress code IMO.

I also love that Teresa emerging in full Queenpin regalia for the first time (low bun/all white/everything) was to mark her entrance into legitimate business and that the aspirational Queenpin we’ve seen over the seasons represented that sort of freedom, not her cartel ascension.  

“Teresa doesn’t take no for an answer.” “Especially not from us.” This is the Wonder Twin interaction we deserve.

Kelly Anne inviting Dumas to their safe house.   Girl what?  WHAT? That’s putting a lot of faith in an armed man with a grudge but okay.  

Also I’m with James on this one: too many eyes on them now.  They’re in this limbo between legit LEGIT and kinda sorta legit while participating in a shitload of illegal activities that is just ripe for federal charges.  Speaking of which, remember the feds? Did Kelly Anne forget to invite them too? :P

The Jeresa toast scene was lovely.  Loved Teresa asking James how he was, the light flirting, the way James heard her footsteps and KNEW it was her.

And L M A O at James’ whole ‘are you legit enough we can bang’ vibe check.  Honestly HOW did something not happen.  Those heart eyes were BEYOND intimate.  When they jumped to the next morning I full on booed. Listen, there’s a lot of unrealistic stuff on this show but that might have been THE most unrealistic lol. There’s just no way they didn’t have victory sex in view of her waterfront diorama, I do not believe it. Nope.

SO glad to see Marcel and a Marcel (albeit subdued) Suit back.  Loved that he got a condensed Queenpin arc in like three scenes, (I feel like only Alimi could sell that and sell that he did).  Though I have to wonder if by having Marcel come to these realizations about what you give up for power and rejecting it, they won’t go a different route for Teresa in a few eps? 

Although in a way, Marcel choosing to leave was the same thing driving Teresa to stay: she chose her people.

Teresa saying “you’d have done the same thing” to Marcel....okay but wasn’t it just like a few weeks ago in show time that he chose Teresa over the Judge wanting his help to either kill her or send her to jail?  Also perhaps give him a full 24 hours outside before expecting him to re-join the group text ya know??

And not sure you want to repeat almost word for word what Pecas said to you right before you shot him for setting you up, T.  As comparisons go that one is not ideal.

James telling Teresa to cover him in a gun fight??? That is what Action Couple dreams are made of, friends. The only thing that would have been better is if they had run inside the building for a 2x04/3x02 style emotionally fraught life and death conversation too but I have come to accept the writers do not agree with me on the need for those scenes this season and I’ll take what I can get.

The Castel not being on screen thing is unfortunate but are we finally circling back around to Teresa getting too big for the Devon/Castel deal?  My dramatic ass has been sustained by that potential drama (especially the idea that Devon could leverage James in that situation) since S3 finale, could it actually finally happen?

Boaz and Teresa both doing coke several times on screen this ep...Also Teresa of all people thinking Boaz’s childhood friend might be her ally.  

Pote a) saying “pee pee” in reference to his unborn child and b) pausing to take a final drag from his cigarette before running off to warn Kelly Anne?  It’s scenes like these that make his inevitable death less heartbreaking, show.

(And I know reduced sets/production and travel guidelines this season affected this but having Loya/Taza/Castel etc mentioned off screen while randos get face time is annoying.  All I know is they better not kill Camila off in a line of dialogue or I will sue.)

And finally, the rating system is ridic, I know it’s ridic, but getting week after week after week of gory closeups of head wounds (not to mention a boob shot this ep) and drawing the line at characters swearing at 10pm timeslot???  COME ON. Let Teresa say fuck already. She DESERVES IT.

[lalosalamcnca]

The Originals 3x01-3x08 Review

So I watched TVD during quarantine last year, and even though I swore to never watch another Julie Plec show again, I’m watching TO! I thought I’d share my thoughts, let people read my clueless predictions or my feelings about Klamille. You can find my reviews of S1 and S2 on my blog.

3x01

FLASHBACK: Loving Kol’s sass

FLASHBACK: Klaus’s face when Elijah reminds everyone of their vow…my heart

Looks like Freya’s officially part of the family!! I’m happy for her

Love that Elijah spars with Marcel 

But I do feel bad that Hayley can’t see Hope

I love that Klaus’s therapy sessions with Cami aren’t helping AT ALL

Seems like Klamille is developing…OH MY GOD, HE’S SHOWING HER HIS ART, I’M FANGIRLING SO HARD RN

YAY VINCENT AND CAMI ARE STILL HANGING OUT 

Oh god…at least warn Cami that she’s about to see a gory dead body 

PLEASE DO NOT FIGHT IN FRONT OF THE BABY

FLASHBACK: Lucien can clearly think quickly on his feet 

OH SHIT, LUCIEN’S BACK IN NOLA…LOOKS LIKE THINGS ARE ALREADY GETTING MESSY

Uh oh…looks like someone’s fighting back against Davina

So is Klaus gonna feed on that art critic later

DID THOSE MEN JUST SAY THAT HALF A DOZEN WOLVES DIED?! Those poor people

FLASHBACK: So Lucien has a backstory…and some good motivations 

Lucien watching Klaus and Cami talking…probably not a good sign 

Freya’s out partying and honestly I love that for her, she should have some fun

WHEN WERE VAMPIRES SO FOCUSED ON THEIR OWN SIRELINE?! 

HOLY SHIT ELIJAH JUST THREW A FKN GUN INTO SOMEONE’S CHEST 

I honestly have no idea who’s committing these murders…maybe it’s a witch?? 

Lucien’s speaking facts ngl…Klaus is supposed to be this big bad but he’s sulking about family drama

AWWW VINCENT AND MARCEL ARE SPARRING

Cami’s spitting facts, she gets to dictate her time…girl, there’s no need to apologize!

OH MY GOD KLAUS PAINTED HER OHHH

EW, WHY IS LUCIEN MAKING HIMSELF LOOK LIKE THE JOKER

3x02

Elijah in a suit, carrying around Hope…god that’s hot

Davina wants Hayley to kill someone?! That’s it?! I expected some more conditions ngl 

Searching for Hayley instead of tending to your dead, Jackson?! Not alpha material

CAMI’S SO SMART FOR RESEARCHING LUCIEN, THAT’S MY GIRL

Elijah and Lucien meeting!! 

OMG THERE’S A SIRELINE BOUNDARY SPELL, THAT’S KINDA WILD

LOOKS LIKE LUCIEN GOT A WEREWOLF BITE

Why do I have a bad feeling about that detective

Idk Klaus…I think a TINY part of you is worried for Hayley…maybe it’s just my Klayley feels coming out

CAN SOMEONE COMPEL THIS NOSY DETECTIVE PLS

WHY DIDN’T HAYLEY JUST VAMP AWAY FROM KARA’S BODY?! 

Ok, usually TVDU writers are good at building up conflict/villains, but this whole sireline war just came out of nowhere??

DAVINA…YOU KILLED A MOTHER…jfc, NOLA politics are so messy

Why did Freya and Jackson kinda have chemistry…I definitely don’t ship it but I felt their energy 

VERY INTERESTING, LUCIEN CURED HIS OWN WEREWOLF BITE!!

HOPE SAW KLAYLEY FIGHTING…THIS LITTLE FAMILY SCENE…I CAN’T DESCRIBE MY FEELINGS, THERE’S JUST SOMETHING ABOUT IT

Marcel’s right…Davina pulled a Klaus, no doubt about that 

Well, at least Davina actually shows remorse for her actions

I don’t understand, how did the pack get ripped away from their families when they were going to leave NOLA in the first place?? Is it just that Klaus attacked the wolves with Hayley specifically??

Idk about Haylijah anymore…I feel for Elijah but watching their scenes was just eh

Looks like Davina’s got another enemy 

Really, Hayley, you missed Jackson?! It was literally just a few hours, chill

Ah yes, the totally platonic act of watching your baby mama kiss her significant other…and cracking your glass from too much force 

Ew, what is this detective doing with Cami? 

LOOKS LIKE FREYA’S TAKING A LOOK AT THIS PROPHECY

Why is Aurora in a monastery?? 

Tristan’s heading to NOLA!! I’m sure nothing good will come from this

3x03

FLASHBACK: Yikes…I kinda feel bad for Lucien 

FLASHBACK: WAIT WAIT WAIT, KLAUS AND AURORA ARE HOOKING UP WHILE SHE’S IN PRAYER?! That’s kinda funny

FLASHBACK: I’m not loving the incest vibes between Aurora and Tristan…technically she’d be married off at like 12 

ELIJAH SAID I’LL FORGIVE YOU…SIKE, NOT GONNA HAPPEN LMAOO

The police has Lucien at the station?! What do they think they can do to that man?! 

NOLA’s a party city, Hayley…not exactly a place for families lol

Wow, I guess Marcel really didn’t want to hear that offer from Aya 

So I’m guessing that detective knows nothing about vampires 

LOOKS LIKE CAMI AND LUCIEN ARE ABOUT TO TALK 

Also, I need to acknowledge how pretty Leah Pipes looks in this episode

FLASHBACK: JUST COMPEL TRISTAN, KLAUS 

FLASHBACK: OH DAMN, TRISTAN FIGURED OUT THE MIKAELSONS ARE VAMPIRES, DUDE IS CLEARLY SMART AF 

FLASHBACK: well now I know why Lucien cuts his mouth 

LMAOO I LOVE THAT VINCENT AND CAMI DON’T CARE ABOUT LUCIEN’S SOB STORY

Marcel, just hear Aya’s offer?? It’s not a contract

Elijah and Klaus feeding on the seer, that’s kinda hot…just switch out Klaus for Stefan

HAYLEY, BEAT JACKSON’S ASS, HE’S A WEAKLING

OH WAIT…THINGS ARE GETTING KINDA HOT WITH JAYLEY 

Well, they’re about to have sex…ok then

FLASHBACK: WOW…I CAN’T BELIEVE LUCIEN DIED JUST LIKE THAT

LOL I love that Elijah already found Marcel and Aya 

TRISTAN IS OFFICIALLY IN NOLA…I’m probably gonna hate him

WHY THE COLD ATTITUDE TOWARDS MARCEL, ELIJAH 

Why can’t Klaus just compel the truth out of Lucien

Ok, so far the new characters are fine but this sireline war thing is not that impressive 

Klaus is literally just being a stay-at-home dad, chill out Tristan 

Bro, we’ve already done the Klaus needs to be stopped storyline! We get it, no one likes him

FLASHBACK: well, thank god Lucien popped back up right before being burned

Klaus, what do you have planned

Klaus looks so hurt at not being forgiven by Elijah, but he’s not taking the necessary steps to actually earn it?? Like send Hayley some flowers or a fruit-basket

OH…AURORA’S HEADING TO NOLA TOO 

3x04

Marcel going on a run…I approve

Wow, I didn’t realize that the Strix had their own merchandise

…did Aya explain what the Strix does?? I don’t remember hearing about this society

I’M ACTUALLY LAUGHING, HAYLEY SAYING SHE’S PART OF THE FAMILY TO ELIJAH…WHERE WAS THIS ATTITUDE BEFORE, HAYLEY 

Freya doing yoga while Klaus is bitching, I love it

Oh joy, Lucien lost the seer, Alexis 

Lucien’s talking to Freya now…they’re already sorta flirting, I dig it

Oh god, Phoebe Tonkin looks really pretty in that red dress 

I wonder if the Strix would ever try to recruit Stefan…I feel like they’d want the Ripper as part of their group

WHY IS ELIJAH TALKING SO OPENLY ABOUT WHY HE HATES THE STRIX…ALL OF THEM HAVE ENHANCED HEARING JFC

Klaus is already plotting, well I expected no less

OMG, MARCEL’S RING IS GONE

MARCEL LOOKS SO LOST, AWW BABY

Tristan is kinda slimy, but that’s probably the point

Marcel’s right, Elijah shouldn’t have to boss him around

There’s tension between Tristan and Hayley and I don’t like it

Did Alexis pass the prophecy to Freya, or just show it to her???

OH GOD, MARCEL HAS TO FIGHT MOHINDER

These vampires may be strong and forceful, but none of them have the guts to work in retail or with kids. Now that takes real strength 

HAYLEY DID HELP OUT MARCEL, I KNEW IT, YES GIRL

Wow, some society. Seems more like a cult if u ask me 

JUST HEAL MARCEL, KLAUS. STOP BEING A DRAMA QUEEN

Oh no, poor Alexis…she seemed kinda cool 

Elijah was clearly the alpha in that meeting with Tristan

Kind of a sweet Haylijah conversation

The Klaus and Freya relationship is kinda cute

Why does Elijah talking about Tristan to Hayley sound kinda…sexual 

AURORA’S IN NOLA…also the writers gotta stop giving me incest vibes with her and Tristan

3x05

FLASHBACK: CLAIRE HOLT’S BACK, HELLO QUEEN

FLASHBACK: Klaus and Aurora are ok…I don’t find them particularly compelling

I absolutely love the Vincent and Cami friendship

FLASHBACK: So how has Klaus been hiding his relationship with Aurora from Tristan?

KLAUS HAS OFFICIALLY REUNITED WITH AURORA, THINGS ARE ABOUT TO GET HEAVY 

Wow, so scary that the Mikaelsons have screwed over each other in the past. Aurora, find a better way to cause trouble

FLASHBACK: I like that Klaus and Aurora can actually be honest with each other, it’s cute

I KNEW AS SOON AS AURORA SAID SHE WANTED TO PROTECT HER SIRE THAT IT WAS REBEKAH

HAHAHA TRISTAN THINKS AURORA WOULD COME TO HIM FIRST?! SIKE U LITTLE BITCH 

Not even surprised that Lucien knew Cami was tailing him 

These NOLA celebration names are so dumb, a holiday called “fête de cadeaux,” do the writers know how stupid that sounds to someone who knows French 

So, Klaus…are you falling for Aurora’s words 

He kissed her back, so it kinda seems like he did

FLASHBACK: Idk how to feel about Klaus being heartbroken by Aurora…I mean it’s sad, but not particularly moving

FLASHBACK: WOW, IS ELIJAH GETTING JEALOUS ABOUT KLAUS BEING CLOSER TO AURORA?!

FLASHBACK: SO ELIJAH COMPELLING AURORA WAS BASICALLY WARRANTED. It’s just Mikaelsons getting even 

So the “big secret” is out, and it’s underwhelming. Next time, pull Mikael back in and then I’ll be interested

LOOKS LIKE ELIJAH’S STARTING TO SNIFF OUT TRISTAN AND LUCIEN’S PLANS

I’m glad Hayley’s free of Klaus’s old curse

FUCK NO, CAMI’S UNDER ARREST?! KLAUS, GO BREAK OUT YOUR GIRL  

I’M SO FUCKING MADD, SOMEONE GO SAVE CAMI RIGHT NOW

I’m on Elijah’s side. Klaus is spouting ABSOLUTE bullshit, he’s not a victim here 

3x06

I wonder if Hope has just been chilling inside her crib while all this shit is going on

AWW I LOVE THAT FREYA PROJECTED TO HANG OUT WITH REBEKAH  

AND I’M HAPPY THAT REBEKAH’S STILL FINDING A WAY TO REVIVE KOL

OH SHIT, EVA SINCLAIR’S BODY IS OFFICIALLY DEAD 

What a fight between Klaus and Elijah…very vicious 

I love that Klaus and Elijah are just hanging out, bloodied and bruised in the dining room

THAT STUPID DETECTIVE REALLY THINKS HE CAN PROTECT CAMI?! LMAOO 

OH SHIT, LUCIEN JUST KIDNAPPED CAMI

THAT IS MESSED UP, FORCING AURORA, TRISTAN AND LUCIEN TO PLAY DECOYS

LOOKS LIKE FREYA REALIZED SOMETHING’S UP WITH REBEKAH

CAN I HAVE THE KLAMILLE CONTENT BACK PLEASE

OH HELL, NO ONE KNOWS CAMI’S GONE

I’m gonna miss Eva…Maisie did a great job as Rebekah

I like Lucien’s attitude (villain-wise, human decency is just not there lol)

COME ON REBEKAH, YOU CAN BEAT AYA, I BELIEVE IN U

YES FREYA, SAVE UR LITTLE SISTER

I’m SO BORED with Klaus and Aurora

NOOO…Rebekah won’t be able to save Kol…

STOP BEATING UP MY MAN MARCEL, ELIJAH

WHAT DOES TRISTAN WANT WITH DAVINAA

Oh no…Rebekah’s about to suffer 

Well now I feel kinda bad about that detective

Poor Cami has just been put through a lot this past episode

What is Aurora’s game here??? 

3x07

Klaus definitely doesn’t seem to be in the mood for sex

Nevermind, I spoke too soon

Is Jackson just sitting at home, babysitting Hope?? 

TRISTAN AND AURORA ARE FINALLY MEETING UP AGAIN 

What’s in the envelopes, Aurora

So Cami’s fate rests with Lucien…

Hayley did keep Hope safe but so did Rebekah??? Jackson, just shut up 

Wait a second…I think I like Lucien and Aurora 

Diabolical Elijah is so attractive…Klaus is getting more hot too

I appreciate that Marcel wants to help Davina but she’s a grown woman, she can make her own choices

KLAUS FOUND OUT CAMI’S BEEN KIDNAPPED, HE LOOKS PISSED AND I LOVE IT

This thanksgiving dinner is already getting tense

I still have NO idea why there’s a sireline war, the Salvatores didn’t even know who their Mikaelson sire were for 150 years. It’s not like vampires get an ID card that says which Mikaelson is their sire

Davina’s starting to sound A LOT like Klaus… 

OH MY GOD…VINCENT SET UP DAVINA…MY JAW LITERALLY DROPPED

OH GREAT, REBEKAH’S HANGING OUT WITH SHARKS AND CRABS AT THE BOTTOM OF THE OCEAN. KLAUS, TEAR AURORA APART 

Aurora’s jealous of Cami and I like it 

OH YES, I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO KLAUS “TALKING” TO TRISTAN 

Yikes…Marcel agreed to having Davina lose her position as regent? I mean, she deserved some kind of consequences but not to be blindsided 

Out of the three “villains,” I like Lucien the best

OH YES, FREYA AND HAYLEY ARE TEAMING UP AGAINST AURORA

Ohh, the coordinates were in the envelopes

Yeah, Aurora, Klaus betrayed u for Rebekah. You thought that you could match the klebekah chemistry?? U tried bitch 

OH GOD, AURORA’S MEETING CAMI

Yikes…Hayley missed thanksgiving dinner with Jackson and Hope

Oh shit…Elijah’s realizing that the prophecy still stands

3x08

Seems that Aurora’s levelling the playing field with Klaus by using Cami

Finally a Hope sighting! 

Ok, what exactly are Aurora’s mental health issues here??? 

So apparently she’s bipolar, but why is that a reason to keep her locked up in a monastery?

AYA’S CATCHING ON TO MARCEL’S PLANS

RIGHTT, I FORGOT THAT THE STRIX WOULD COME FOR TRISTAN

Oh yea, Marcel has a tough choice to make

What’s going on with the Crescent pack now? Are they just chilling out??

Looks like Cami is hitting the marks with getting Aurora where it hurts

Urgh, I do not love the implication of Aurora’s mind being “damaged”

Totally saw it coming that Klaus would snap Lucien’s neck 

I actually never thought about that…the three “villains” are strong like the Originals, considering they were turned not long after the Mikaelsons

It makes sense that Finn and Tristan were acquaintances, considering they’re both annoying

If the writers are trying to get me to see Cami’s “dark side,” she didn’t do anything wrong. SHE BEATS ABUSERS AND THAT’S QUEEN SHIT

Oh Aurora, I would not say that Cami or Klaus are “drawn” to each other’s darkness 

I love the way Elijah fights…he wasn’t wrong about it being like a rhythm 

YAY MARCEL’S A DOUBLE-AGENT

OH SHIT, THE GYM MEMBERS ARE WAKING UP AND THEY’VE TRANSITIONED 

STARTING TO FEEL LIKE KLAUS AND AURORA’S RELATIONSHIP IS COMING TO AN END 

OH MY GOD HE WENT OFF ON HER, HER HEART IS BROKEN  

Thank god he got the coordinates though 

Aurora’s probably gonna go way off the rails now

OH YES KLAMILLE HUGGED, MY HEART IS RESTORED, MY SKIN IS CLEARING UP ALREADY 

ELIJAH, STOP DOUBTING MARCEL. YOUR ATTITUDE TOWARDS HIM IS ANNOYING ME

Marcel is making valid points about the Strix needing to be loyal…too bad it’s a little hypocritical lmao 

OOH, SO ELIJAH AND KLAUS ARE MOVING IN ON REBEKAH’S LOCATION, I LIKE IT 

I think Lucien showed up to comfort Aurora…

I don’t think Cami really has a dark side?? whatever the writers want me to see, it’s not showing 

Interesting, let’s see what Freya and Finn have to say to each other

3x09-3x16 review coming soon! Please, DO NOT POST SPOILERS OR HATE COMMENTS. I don’t expect people to agree with my opinions, but being rude is not going to get me to change mine. I haven’t seen the show before, my opinions are probably going to change over time as I keep watching. If you want longer notes on any of the episodes, opinions on a TO ship, my overall thoughts on S1 or S2; please ask or message me, I’d be happy to share them.

[seven-oomen]

Please talk about Noah! Your takes are super interesting and I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

(hope you're having a nice day!)

Alright then strap in! Because I am about to tell you why I think Noah Stilinski is;

A. Bisexual

B. Has the inattentive type of ADHD

Let’s begin!

First off, I think Noah Stilinksi is a bisexual man who has a preference for feminine presenting people. (As one would typically see women dress/appear in western society.) I don’t particularly have evidence for this, I tried scouring S3 to find clues of it, but honestly, I think this is just one of those, I headcanon it and therefore to me, it is true. If you have a different opinion, then awesome, you do you. 

I mean there are some looks between him and Chris Argent that can be interpreted as interested, but you’d have to look very closely. For now, it’s just one of those things, to me it’s like that, and I have fun with it.

Like father, like son right? Except Stiles would be more on the 50/50 scale of bisexuality where I think Noah is more on the 70/30 scale leaning towards feminine people.

As for his ADHD, I did find a lot of clues and tidbits there, so: 

Notice how the sheriff is frequently standing with his arms crossed as if he’s either trying to protect himself (trauma-based) or trying to keep himself from moving too much (ADHD based). This would also explain why the sheriff is often seen standing too still. He also tends to talk with his hands, which is another thing a lot of ADHD people have in common. Though to be fair a lot of NT people do this too.

However here in 3x01 we see the sheriff fully focused on this person while they’re trying to work something out.

Then the next second, Melissa enters the hallway and Noah’s undivided attention is suddenly on her, he barely remembers to utter out an excuse me before addressing Melissa. And he does it as if every neuron in his brain is suddenly focused on her. “Oh hey, Melissa!” 

*Brain switch. Undivided attention is now on Melissa.*

This is a form of hyper-focusing, and if you’ve been trained from a young age you do this while making it look NT-passing. You mask it. I do this. People with ADHD-C or ADHD-I that have a basis in trauma tend to this in my experience.

Like Stiles tends to do, the sheriff too, is moving around fidgeting in the blurry background. He’s talking faster than he can process which is picked up on by his stutters. While he’s trying to figure out a resolution to this conflict. 

You can also tell that there might be some RSD at play here due to the fact that he seems very keen to keep the peace in the scene and wants everyone to get along and let’s keep everyone around me chill. This may not seem like a stereotypical ADHD thing to do, but it’s very common in ADHD-I types.

In the scene with Deaton that he shares in this episode, as well as numerous scenes with Stiles and other characters. You can always see him thinking, you can practically see the wheels turning in his head as he tries to make connections and tries to focus on what lies ahead of him and what people are saying to him. 

Sometimes he successfully succeeds in listening and processing. You see this by his frowns, little head movements. But as soon as those arms cross or his frown deepens you can tell someone is trying to flip the switch, but the light’s not turning on. The information isn’t being processed by his brain. He’s trying to defend himself.

Again, this is a typical thing for someone with ADHD-I who’s been trained and has had extensive therapy to cope with his symptoms. For a while and for general conversations/problems, you are capable of holding the thread. When things get complicated, that’s when you start to see the thread unraveling in Noah’s head.

In 3x02 there’s a moment of impatience as he wakes the boys up but also clearly a look on his face that says a few things.

1. Omg Stiles has done it again.

2. Look at the state of this room where do I even begin? I don’t know, so I just won’t bother.

3. Oh no I have absolutely been here and now I have to deal with my son being in this state too.

So he does the most logical thing to him, he doesn’t deal with it. Just his executive dysfunction going off and thinking; nope I’m not dealing with this, I need to get work, I don’t have time to sit down (hence the mug in his hands.) Man is probably running late already and only now waking the boys up because he realizes they’re A. still in his house. And B. not off to school yet and he needs to get going too.

He has a moment like this in multiple episodes where his impatience and incapability of dealing with a situation in front of him causes him to physically drag Stiles away and using too much force to do it. Though judging by Stiles’s reactions, and the way he relaxes after being grabbed, the sheriff seems to realize how hard he is grabbing and eases up every single time.

And that seems like a little detail, but not knowing your own strength is also a thing that can correspond with ADHD. (Though it can occur in NT people and other conditions as well. Or generally, be caused by anger.) But for the sake of this essay or meta, I will attribute it to Noah having ADHD.

In 3x09 Stiles finally clues him in on what’s happening in Beacon Hills and we can clearly see that he’s struggling to process everything. One could attribute that purely to; 

1. Noah is trying to come to terms that supernatural creatures are real and this would be a lot for anyone to process. Which is a fair and a totally valid assumption.

2. However, we see signs of Noah already starting to believe something is up from the very beginning. There’s always been a side to the sheriff where he was willing to believe or give people the benefit of the doubt when it came to the supernatural. Like in 3x03 when he tells his deputy: “She saw something.”

This leads me to believe that the real matter at hand is that Noah simply can’t process all that information at that time and he needs a few days to think it over in order to do so. Which could be a sign of a processing problem due to ADHD. (Although as I have pointed out, it could also be interpreted as an NT just getting a lot of crazy information at once. Take it as you will.)

In 3x07 Stiles and Scott argue over whether or not to tell Noah what’s going on with the sacrifices. Stiles points out that they shouldn’t because his father is completely overwhelmed.

This can be attributed to several things and interpreted in different ways. Let’s lay down the most obvious one; the sheriff has no idea what’s going on, he has the FBI on his case, and multiple murders on his hands and essentially a serial killer. All of these on their own are enough to be overwhelmed by, yes.

I choose to interpret it as a combination of all of these factors combined with an inability to process this much information or information in general. Which is another symptom of ADHD-I.

We also hear him frequently telling Stiles and the other kids to ‘go home, get to class, go to school.’ Basically what he’s doing in moments like this is 1. looking out for them. 2. Unable to cope and process with all the information he’s been giving during that time and instead of lashing out at the kids, he tries a coping mechanism that’s called divert or redirect. Where you try to redirect people/thoughts/object into a direction or thought process that’s far more manageable to you. 

Which is something that I’ve been taught to do myself in therapy. And that is why I think it’s something Noah has been taught to do as well. Either in the Army/Police Academy. or during therapy sessions.

Now, this is what I like to call Noah’s; I’m trying to process what you’re trying to tell me face. And so far, I’m keeping up. You see the pursed lips, the frown on his face, the slightly squinted eyes. He’s focusing on what Stiles is trying to tell him.

Here he is looking away for a second, processing, trying to manage information. We see him frown further, his lip tensing further, he has to try harder.

He’s processing, processing, he blinks. And then this is the face he pulls right after the blink.

The frown has deepened, he's still following Stiles for now but you can see he’s starting to lose the train of thought here.

Stiles keeps explaining, pulls out the chessboard to explain what is going on.

And Noah has completely lost his train of thought. He has no idea what Stiles is saying to him anymore and no way to process all of the information that Stiles is giving him after this moment. He gets impatient, is annoyed at the things Stiles is telling him. That is because he’s emotionally, and physically overwhelmed. 

He deals with a lot of things in his job and he always seems utterly exhausted because of it. I think that is because his job is exhausting. But I also think it has to do with Noah not being able to filter sounds, stimuli, the inability to process things like an NT. I think Noah suffers from a high level of empathy, this combined with sensory processing issues results in someone who’s constantly trying to filter them out and failing. Resulting in chronic fatigue, turning to other means of dealing (Alcoholism), impatience, etc.

He also seems to have trouble regulating his emotions, as we see with his frequent snaps and jabs at Stiles but he also seems to try and be better about it and regret it when he does snap. We also know that in order to numb his pain and his emotions Noah turned to Alcohol to cope, as sad as it is, this is common in people with ADHD. Who often turn to substances to cope with their symptoms and their inability to regulate themselves, anything to numb all the feelings and their own shortcomings. Noah seems to have fallen into that trap too.

-

I think my favorite moment in this scene comes right after with this face:

And the question of; “Why is Jackson the Kanima?”

Which tells me a few things.

1. After everything, that’s the first question he truly asks as he leans back and tries to process things.

2. This may point to an inability to prioritize tasks/thoughts, which is another symptom of ADHD-I. Which for Noah seems to occur when he’s not on the job or with people he trusts and doesn’t have to mask for. (He does this too when he asks Derek at the station; “But if he doesn’t have a mouth, how does he eat?”) Suggesting that this is a more regular occurrence than we see on the show.

And at this point, I can no longer concentrate on this since I’ve lost my hyper-focus. But I think I managed to compile a pretty decent list.

And that is why I think Noah Stilinski is Bisexual and has ADHD.

Tagging: @mostly-vo1d and @artemisa97 since they are usually involved in these things too. You don’t have to respond of course, but if you feel up to it, join in.

[uarenotapumpkin]

did kenny’s girlfriend kill him?

i’m most likely over analysing, but hear me out - i saw a parallel between eve’s meeting with villanelle in 1x01, and her meeting with kenny’s gf in 3x04.

of course, the obvious connection is that they’re in a public bathroom. i admit that alone doesn’t warrant much thinking... but there’s more:

1. eve is fixing her hair/ appearance

2. villanelle/ kenny’s girlfriend enter the scene seemingly serving no purpose (from eve’s perspective)

i then remembered that this isn’t their only bathroom encounter with references to 1x01: 

3. one of two toilets is out of order

4. eve sits on toilet 

they are vaguely similar scenes. if the scenes in 3x02 and 3x04 are a parallel to 1x01 then they might serve a similar purpose: eve has an ostensibly meaningless encounter but later discovers its significance. 

i know this seems like a jump, but just keep reading.

i kept asking myself, what was the purpose of kenny’s girlfriend in that scene? in the 3x04 scene i thought that it could be to emphasise that eve was at the bitter pill and using the space inappropriately... but that was already pretty clear (sleeping on couch, cleaning teeth, using hand dyer for her arm pits). in the 3x02 scene it was seemingly to hint to eve that kenny had a girlfriend. what what was the point of that plot point? why did he keep her a secret? it hasn’t served any purpose as of yet. there had to be more to it.  

essentially, the question remains: WHAT IS HER PURPOSE? 

even without the bathroom parallels she is SUSPICIOUS. she has not benefited the plot at all thus far, and i refuse to believe she is just a poorly written/ developed character. she has to become important at some stage - thats a given. the question we should be asking is how?

with the bathroom parallel in mind, my theory is that they might be hinting to us that kenny’s girlfriend is like villanelle... she might be kenny’s killer.

another thing to remember is that kenny left his phone on his desk and went upstairs. so he obviously knew and trusted the person. i’ve seen a lot of theory’s about konstantin being the killer and i consider that an option too... but it just feels a bit obvious and i honestly don’t think kenny knew konstantin well enough to go onto a roof without his phone. my idea is that maybe kenny was going for a secret rendezvous w/ his gf. she could be working w/ the 12 and monitoring kenny. (we know the 12 have people monitoring important people because the hot french lady knew that villanelle had been chasing eve around - i wouldn’t even be suprised if kenny’s gf was the one that told the 12 villaneve had an encounter. she could have known because eve came into the bitter pill after with the bruise). she could have realised that kenny was getting to the 12 and done what she had to do. if she is a psychopath like villanelle (as hinted by the bathroom scenes) then she would have no problem with this. 

what do you guys think?

[tribridkissed]

Legacies 3x02 Spoilers

Okay, I just need to say it: I don’t believe making Rafael into a hybrid would have fixed a thing, and Hope knew that. Now, hear me out:

Rafael was KILLED by the Necromancer in season two so that the Necromancer could bring him back under his control, yes? The only reason Chad died was because of the deal with Alaric, that he had to sever his link with Chad, Rafael and Alyssa (and Landon but the Necromancer even said Landon wasn’t really dead). Alyssa is only still alive because she has a new link with the Necromancer to keep her alive. Chad, Alyssa and Rafael, since they have in fact been MURDERED, are therefore DEAD. They were reverting back to being dead, just like Alaric said when he mentioned that technically Chad had been dead for months.

That would mean, that even if Hope made Rafael a hybrid, he’s already dead. Can he even be made into a Hybrid since he was brought back through NECROMANCY? You have to remember that the people in the TVD universe that were dying--but were not yet dead--were dying because of something that turning them saved them from (or in Henry’s case, Hope just turned him). It did not, in fact, save someone who was already dead. That’s what we are forgetting, is that Rafael had already been murdered in season two. Hope has magic blood, but even she can’t control death once it has happened.

So no, I do not believe Hope could have just turned Rafael into a Hybrid to save him from the side effect of the reversal of NECROMANCY. Hope ain’t that fancy, my friends. This was not a normal situation in which being a hybrid would have just saved him.

Now, that being said, I think Julie Plec is trash and I do not appreciate how she handles her POC characters. I was mad enough that Rafael was murdered last season--don’t even get me started on the shit she pulled in TVD, TO and Roswell NM--but she basically prepared us last season for the end. At least Rafael’s death is paused for now, so that if they can find a cure for the necromancy, they can give it to him. Rafael’s exit has left me with a lot of feelings, honestly, but that’s just my hot take.

Becoming a Hybrid does NOT save you from necromancy. That was literally the whole point of showing Chad die and having Alyssa align herself with the Necromancer to protect herself from her death again in the first place.

[handonhaven]

Okay Lizzie and Josie really pissed me off in 3x16. Like Hope just ran off with someone who tried to kill her and someone who manipulated Josie. With no clue why or where they were going. And Lizzie first thought was to try to find Hope a rebound. Not to try to find out where she went or if she was in any danger. And Josie was no help either she didn't bother to do any of those things. She just asked Lizzie with who. I also didn't like Lizzie comment either. When she said "we can't afford to be picky. Anyone who doesn't melt after having sex with her will do." Maybe it's just me and I'm taking that comment the wrong way. But when she said that I got so mad. Because what I took from that was being able to have sex is only thing that matters. So let's just try to hook her up with anyone. Doesn't matter if they're a killer or a psychopath as long as they can have sex then it's fine. I don't know maybe I'm just over reacting to that(but I can't be the only one to feel something like that after hearing that comment, can I?).

So, so many Handon scenes just hits so differently now knowing that Landon was really malivore. I'm not gonna lie after I found that out I went back and watched those scenes over again trying to see if I can find any clues or hints at it. But when I did that I start it to think about the fact that we had a whole season without the real Landon. Then I start thinking about the fact that Landon has had a whole season of going through trauma one right after the other since 3x02(when Raph died) and it only got worse from there. Then I got mad at the writers for doing that to him. It was bad enough that his life before coming to the school was hell. So were they just like yeah lets put him through a whole season a trauma too. Now before anyone says well Hope went through hell this season too. I'm not saying she didn't. But I feel like Landons was on a whole different level than Hopes. Because Landon had to watch his brother die, then had to watch himself melt, then he was in malivore, then in the prison fighting off monsters, to then having malivore take over his body. And who knows what he's going through in this own mind right now. But I think my biggest fear is that when they do get Landon back the real Landon. That they play off his trauma to save time(like they often do now). Or someone will try to downplay it like it was nothing. Because if they do that imma be pissed.

So I start it thinking about that maliLandon scene with Cleo when we saw both malivore's and Landons memories. And all of Landons memories were big Handon moments for season 2(I think there might have been some for season 1 but I can't remember). And I know they did that for a reason. I think in that scene it inspired both malivore and Landon somehow to do something. I just can't figure out what and I know myself this will be stuck on my mind until we finally find out lol. I'm already thinking up theories and all both make sense but don't make sense all at the same time. And this is really going to bug me.

P.S 1: I have to say this season had one very consistent thing, the "Logical" answer is wrong.

- Logic telling Hope, Landon was dead ....wrong

- Logic telling Hope, Landon was back.....wrong (Hope felt something was off but chose to ignore it bc she missed him)

- Logic telling Hope, she and Landon are doomed.....wrong

- Logic telling Cleo, to trust Landon and he was only traumatized.....wrong

- Logic telling them Malivore wanted Cleo to escape the prison world....wrong

- Logic telling them, the monsters were coming from a actual pit....wrong

- Logic telling Hope the only way to kill Malivore is to become a Tribrid.....wrong

- Logic telling Hope she caused Landon to melt.....wrong(okay I know we don't know for sure about that one. But that feels way way to much like a red herring with how much it's been said). Also another consistent thing is everything they say things Multiple times over and over again espesally things that have no concrete proof turns out to be False. They keep repeating these things; Landon is Human, Landon is dead, Landon is not a Phoenix anymore, Hope needs to become a Tribrid, Hope is toxic to Landon(once again I know we don't know for sure yet, but there's no way that isn't a red herring), Hope and Landon are doomed. Watch all turn out to be wrong.

2. The antis and H*sies are already coming out the wood works. And there this one line I see that they're really trying to hold onto like it's a win or something. How at the end of 3x16 when Hope said "we want our friends back" they're taking it like Hope sees Landon as a friend now(among other things but that would make this too long if I write it all out). Which is sad and means they're truly not paying attention to anything. And let me just point out that Hope was speaking for everyone not just herself. So it makes more sense for her to say "we want our friends back" then it would be for her to say "we want our friend and my boyfriend back". Since they're all friends with Landon and Cleo. Even though they're not very good friends to Landon(minus Hope because Hope is with Landon and treats him better than his "friends" does). But that's a whole other thing for another time. I do my best to say away from antis and H*sies but somehow one of them somehow always end up in my timeline. And it's gonna make these next three months so much longer than it needs to be tbh.

Same. Exactly! It was all so strange.

Lizzie was just upset over the fact that Hope ditched them, but Hope has always done stuff like that on her own to keep others out of danger. Yet Lizzie didn’t even seem to care, even though both her and Josie said they didn’t trust Clarke after all he had done. So they knew that Hope could’ve been in danger. But Lizzie’s highest concern in that moment was finding Hope a rebound as quickly as possible?? What on earth... And Josie acknowledged that Hope could be in danger, said she cared more about her actual life than her romantic one, but then proceeded to do nothing. And exactly! That comment really bothered me too! Yep, that’s also how it came across to me. Like Hope being able to have sex with someone was the priority, the rest wasn’t important. I don’t think you’re overreacting, I thought it sounded really bad. And the fact that Lizzie was focusing on that over Hope’s safety... I don’t even know what to say. Then Ethan shows up and they drag him into it, it was just a mess, and probably the weirdest way and time to bring in a love interest for Lizzie. Then they get to the school, are casually standing around chatting, then Lizzie wants to give Ethan a tour. All thoughts about Hope’s safety forgotten, besides Josie mentioning in passing that they needed to tell Alaric what happened. That was the full extent of their efforts to help Hope. Then she gets back and all they can talk about is how she ditched them? Not about what happened or if she’s okay? And they’re the ones who just promised Hope she wouldn’t be facing Malivore alone... not off to a good start.

And right? It’s crazy! Me too, watching the breakup scene is SO different now haha. But ugh, yes. We seriously had nearly an entire season without the real Landon... I can’t. And same. That’s one of the things I’ve been thinking about the most, and I’m honestly mad at the writers as well. Like, it’s actually shocking to think about just how much trauma he has gone through. And I don’t know what made them to decide to put him through that much because it’s unreal. Just... why?? So true, he had a lifetime of trauma before the show even started! Went through more trauma while at the school, going through death after death. And then went through the most horrible things this whole season. And yes, Hope did go through hell, but what she went through was very different. I agree, what Landon went through was on a whole other level. Exactly! He literally went through one trauma right after the other. And he went through them alone (apart from losing Raf). Without any help, and every single time he escaped one thing, he ended up in another and endured more trauma. He’s been through pure hell, nonstop, and I can’t imagine what state he’s in right now and how he’ll be when this is all over. Oh, and literally me. I’m honestly so worried they’re gonna do that too. That they’ll just ignore his trauma, that they won’t show how he’s been affected or have him talking about it. And it will just get cut off and forgotten and they’ll jump to the next thing and he may not get even a break. Because that really is what they do all the time. And right now is their chance to show what he’s been through. To go back and show what happened to him and show his side of things. We need to actually see what he’s been through and how he’s being affected right now. And once they get him back, they need to address it. They need to let him and Hope rest. I think season 4 needs to be about them healing together, though I’m sure they’ll be dealing with more crap. So I’m very worried about that, I will be pissed right along with you if they don’t go into that. That’s probably what I want to see the most at this point, and what I think is extremely important, not only for his character, but also because they shouldn’t ignore that kind of trauma.

And yes, they were! They had Landon remembering Hope telling him she loved him for the first time, and then those other huge moments for them, the 2x08 reunion, and the scenes in 2x11. I‘m wondering if those might be Landon’s most powerful memories. And I think you could be right, I’ve wondered the same thing, but I also can’t figure it out. Like they showed Handon memories with Malivore creating Clarke like... I’m so confused haha. They definitely left us with too many questions, and now we have to wait, it’s gonna suck.

Wow, you make very good points with that. That’s very interesting for sure. The writers really used “logic” as a way to mislead the characters in order to shape the plot for the season. And I think because of that, they also had to hold the characters back from investigating things further. When I feel like Hope, especially, would’ve looked into things more to figure out what was going on, but they couldn’t have them finding out yet so they just had everyone believing in the “logical” answer. Which does end up fitting with the idea that things are not what the seem, especially with all the things you listed that they keep repeating. Which does make it seem pretty obvious that they’re trying to convince us of these things that aren’t actually true. I think it’s gonna all turn out to be wrong as well. We already know it wouldn’t make sense for Landon to be fully human since he never was, and that he’ll surely get his Phoenix powers back. And I agree about Hope being toxic to Landon too, the more they’ve talked about it, the less I believe it’s true haha. And same now with them talking about Hope having to become a full tribrid, it seems like they might be doing the same thing. Or at least, if these things aren’t already wrong, Hope and Landon will find a way to prove them wrong by fighting their fate.

Yeah, those people clearly aren’t paying attention to the show and are grasping for anything at this point. Did they not watch Hope’s scenes with Clarke and how she responded to him talking about fighting fate? Did they not hear her literally tell Cleo that she still loves Landon? Obviously, Hope does not view Landon as just a friend. She was speaking for the group, just like you said. I don’t even think Hope sees Cleo as her friend right now. When Cleo told Hope that she hopes they can be friends again after all this, Hope said nothing and just walked away. So yeah, she was speaking for everyone else, although it’s weird that the rest of them would even view them as friends either. I’m pretty sure Kaleb is the only one who really sees Cleo as a friend. And true, they’re not even friends to Landon, none of them gave a crap when he died, so I’m not even sure why they were there. I guess since there’s a threat now? But anyway, yeah, I get that it’s hard to avoid those fans, the hate is everywhere. But knowing how ridiculous their reasoning is and how far they’re reaching helps me to just kind of laugh it off sometimes, although it is annoying. It gets so tiring to see, but I’m just gonna try to focus on enjoying Handon and ignoring the antis as best I can!

[elixir448]

Good Girls 3x04 and 3x05 Disorganised Monster Post

Apologies in advance for the absolute mess this is going to be. I’ll start with 3x04 and try to keep it organised but it just...won’t be. And yeah, I made all the Dean sections about Beth and Rio. Bite me.

Mick

I. Am. In. Love. With. This. Man. I’m sorry but when he rolled down his window and said “good morning”, my jaw hit the ground. His voice is unreal. Does everyone in Rio’s gang have an amazing voice? Is it a requirement for joining? What is this sorcery?

I also get a kick out of the fact that he is so polite and charming with people that he doesn’t really know, just like Rio. I can’t help but think that they must have grown up together to be so similar in that way. Also, Mrs Karpinski and Mick. I would like to see more of them.

Beth and Dean (Did I make this section all about Beth and Rio? I may have.)

I think @pynkhues has already mentioned this and I totally agree with it. That Dean just works as a character so much better in humourous scenes, like when he’s purchasing a gun. I think the last time I laughed so much at a scene with Dean in it was at the end of 2x07, when he’s interacting with the krav maga instructor.

The moose analogy was hilarious and, I’m not gonna lie, I hope Dean sticks around in the story just so we can get more outsider POV of Beth and Rio’s relationship, because it is genuinely one of my favourite things in the show and to read about in fanfic. And Dean, Rio does not “have his way” with ���your wife’; she wouldn’t be such a pain in his ass if he did. He did this in 3x05 as well, where he referred to Beth as “something you love”. She’s not an object that people can love or have their way with.

I am convinced that Dean’s gun will be utilised within the story at some point, although whether it will be used by him is up for debate.

When he walks into the house with the gun and ignores Beth’s questions about about it, only answering when she becomes more insistent, I was struck by the childhishness of Dean’s character.

Let me articulate this for a second.

Let’s compare this scene to the way Dean acts in 2x07, when he refuses to watch the kids after Jane’s dance show and immaturely lashs out at Beth saying that he’s going to book club. It’s not even about putting her in her place. It’s simply petty and it’s childish because their is no goal aside from temporarily annoying her. Just like in this scene. He walks into the house with a huge gun on his shoulder, in a clear attempt to seek attention but then ignores her questions and it comes across as petty and childish; in both scenes, he is akin to a child who can feel that the attention of their parent is wandering and so seeks attention by being as loud and annoying as possible.

There is no back and forth in Beth and Dean’s relationship at all. When Beth dumps cash on Dean and tells him that he doesn’t know her in 1x06, when she ignores his questions at the beginning of 1x07 and tells him to take the kids to Disneyland, she was putting him in his place because, really, he deserved it. When she took away his power in the dealership and he became a house-husband, she was putting him in his place after finding out about his multiple affairs. When Dean takes her kids from her, he was trying to put Beth in her place, essentially saying See. I know you. You’re nothing without our children. 

This is all very different from the back and forth in Beth and Rio’s relationship. Importantly, even though Beth and Rio are always trying to get a leg over each other (metaphorically and often physically haha) and even though they do try and sweep the rug out from one another, it’s less about wielding power over the other person than it is about wielding power over each other (I know what I mean in my own head lol). It’s that they enjoy it when the other person gets a leg over them, they enjoy the heated looks and even enjoy the gleefulness from the other person. It’s all a part of their process. Even when Beth and Rio seek attention from one another (Beth taking the pills from the cars and Rio mailing her body parts), it’s less about the end result of having the other person’s attention focused on them or having power over them; it’s more about imagining how they they will look, how they will feel, how they will react when they find out. All of it’s important. It’s all foreplay.

Also, it was one bullet Dean. Not a full clip.   

Before Dean kisses Beth, he says “We were so good with him gone.” Honestly, that line felt like the 100th nail in the coffin haha. Dean just doesn’t get Beth and he doesn’t understand that there is a lack of emotional intimacy in their relationship. He hasn’t picked up on the fact that she’s actually experienced a regression on a personal level; she’s wrapped herself up in the comfort of her familiar life, with her kids, her house and her husband only after Rio’s death. The only reason he felt they were good was because they were having sex, even if it was for all the wrong reasons on Beth’s part. Even then, he classes it as good because it was sex with him.

The reality is that all this matters less than the simple truth, which is that Rio isn’t gone anymore. He’s back. And Dean knows, as stupid as he is, that it’s only a matter of time.

As for the scene where Dean kisses Beth. Here are all the ways it contrasts Beth and Rio’s kiss in 2x09 (all the ways I can think of anyway). Sorry. Not sorry.

I’d like to point out that Dean walks exactly 3 steps towards Beth, before stopping and taking her jacket from her. The same number of steps that Beth took towards Rio in her bedroom. The same number of steps that Rio took towards Beth. And notably, the same number of steps that Beth did not take towards Dean in this scene.

Yes, Beth kissed Dean back and participated in the kiss itself. But she did not participate at all in the lead-up which is, arguably, just as important. When Beth kissed Rio, the mutual nerves, tenderness and affection were a huge part of the scene. In other words, the lead-up was just as important as the kiss itself. That was very much lacking here. I suppose one could argue that this is not Beth and Dean’s first kiss but it certainly is their first on-screen kiss and presumably the first kiss they have shared in a long time. For all intents and purposes, it should be like a ‘first kiss’ because it’s their first kiss after all the betrayals, lies and disdain.

This scene, like Beth and Rio’s, takes place in daylight but, it’s different in basically every other way. Dean grabs Beth and sort of positions her head to directly face him. When Beth leaned in to kiss Rio in her bedroom, he angles his head just right and very slighly inches his head closer. For her. Beth doesn’t even do that for Dean. He leans in and kisses her and she doesn’t actually do anything to make that easier for him, nothing to indicate that she wants him to.

The music also sounds very...young, for lack of a better word. Almost high school. I think that was a very purposeful choice, given that this is the first on-screen kiss between Beth and Dean. In this scene, I definitely saw them more as they probably were when they were in high school, before they got married. There was a notable lack of any music in the scene where Beth and Rio kiss. Honestly, the scene just didn’t need any.

Christina was amazing here. After Dean releases her, her head kind of just disappointedly falls away and she opens her eyes and looks a little bit...defeated. Perhaps because she didn’t feel more or enjoy the kiss. Because it was Dean. And god, then the scene cuts to Rio coming into Paper Porcupine and the most sexually loaded, non-sex scene in the history of television....although every one of Beth and Rio’s scenes feels that way to be honest. The fact that the episode ended here, on a climactic note when Rio scrutinises the money Beth finishes making, says a lot.

The Hills (including 3x05)

I LOVED this storyline. It’s such a great way of exploring the way that Ruby’s guilt over committing crimes has gradually transitioned into a lack of guilt for the crimes that she has become ‘used to’, i.e: robberies, lying. It’s also such a great callback to a common theme in this show, “All this stuff you think you’re keeping from them. You’re not”. The fact that this was said by Ruby in season 1 and is once again coming full circle is peak writing. Also, this means that another one of my hiatus wishes has come true, that the kids would find out more or be suspicious of their parents. I wondered if it would be Kenny, Sadie or Sara who would catch on. Looks like it’s Sara. Lidya Jewett was the perfect one of the children to explore this through because she is such an amazing actress and Sara’s already had an introduction to this arc, due to Stan being arrested in the last season and her having to grapple with the fact that he did indeed commit a crime.

And look, I am the last person who wants to see Ruby and Stan fight. But I think it’s such an important arguement for them to have. Not the fact that Ruby’s committing crimes but the fact that she seems so comfortable with it now and that this is potentially becoming a model for learned behaviour for their children. The only people they love more than each other are their children.

Lidya Jewett did such a great job portraying the audaciousness and the brattiness of a teen when they are confronted by a parent calling out their behaviour. The tit for tat between Sara and Ruby was amazing. Like nuh uh, you may be right about the shady ass stuff I’ve been up to but I’m still the queen in this house. So now you owe me.

I also love the idea that Beth and Ruby have learnt so much from crime-ing. In 3x02, Beth taught Annie a lesson about how they had to deal with the mover ASAP or all the criminals in Detroit would know that they were pushovers. In this episode, Ruby teaches Sara that when you lie once, you need to know that you’ll be lying a dozen more times just to uphold your original story. It’s never over.

In 3x05, I was like why u do dis? I love this storyline and I don’t think that Stan will leave Ruby but god, the idea that Ruby is so terrified of it in Beth’s van, and for good reason, is actually scaring me. The stills from 3x07 and the hints Reno gave that we would find out how Stan feels about Beth have me shaking. I’m so excited but scared at the same time.

Annie

This is probably the first episode where I felt as though Annie’s therapy storyline really found its feet. I’m going to ignore the fact that retinoblastomas mainly only occur in children. Aside from that, it really found its feet haha.

I also just loved the humour of Annie’s scenes in this episode. Mae Whitman is amazing and her delivery is always fantastic. I genuinely think that her long-winded speech in the pawn shop about how she spent her night is one of my favourite comedic moments of the season so far. What a great callback to Annie’s gazelle run when she’s chasing down Mary Pat!

Oh god. When she was asking Dr Cohen about what was going on between them, I was physically cringing because I knew she was going to smash into a brick wall. It was painful to watch. Stop gal, stop.

It was also painful to see Dr Cohen ruthlessly lay out Annie’s psychological coping mechanisms in front of her, partly because it was coming from a place of genuine concern and care and she knew it.

Beth and Rio (Will I ever write a reasonable amount in this section? Nope.)

Gosh, the entire scene leading up to Beth and Rio in the bar and that scene in itself was peak television. Suspenseful, intense, a good back and forth between characters with unbelievable chemistry. I genuinely think that this is one of the scenes in the show that best depicts the ‘dark’ in dark comedy and the ‘drama’ in dramedy, which are usually the genres used to describe the show.

I don’t know what everyone else views as their favourite ‘dark’/’dramatic’ moments in the show? Their are many scenes which I feel really capture the themes above but some of them are:

1. 1x04 - When the girls hear a thump from the bedroom Eddie’s recovering in and they run upstairs only for him to confront them with a gun.

2. 1x06 - Boomer plants drugs in Annie’s locker, Beth dumps bags of cash on Dean.

3. 1x07 - Rio and his boys confront the girls in Beth’s house.

4. 1x09 - Beth and Rio’s first break-up scene in 1x09.

5. 1x10/2x01 - “If you wanna be the king, you gotta kill the king.”

6. 2x07 - Beth and Rio argue in the alley.

7. ....you get the point. Maybe I should write a separate post all about this?

Now this bar scene (3x04) and the entire sequence with Rio, Lucy, his boys and the girls at paper porcupine and outside the van (3x05) are included on my list of amazing ‘dark’/’dramatic’ scenes.

I’d also like to acknowledge the piano music in this scene, which is also present during the scene in Paper Porcupine in 3x05, while Rio waits patiently for Lucy to complete her counterfeit money design. It’s a stunning piece of music and it adds so much suspense to the scenes. I hope it’s released at some point!  

First of all, we have Beth and Dean lying in bed. Everything about this screams that Dean is intruding, from his loud snores, to the way he’s leaning so far into her side of the bed, to the way that Beth is looking out of her French doors, away from him, and clearly thinking about what she’s going to do with regards to Rio. I spoke about this in my 3x02 thoughts post but ever since Beth and Rio began orbiting around one another, ever since their fascination with one another began (god, basically from the beginning), Dean has been consistently displayed as intruding on their relationship, despite the fact that he and Beth are still technically married and he’s always ranting about how Rio is wrecking and ‘intruding’ in on their lives. Beth and Rio have always had a tangible intimacy that’s unbelievably loud in their relationship, even before they slept together. It always feels like any voices aside from their own, any person besides them is an intrusion when they’re together or thinking about eachother.

Beth lies in bed, next to Dean, and thinks about Rio before running away from her husband and her house to see him under the cover of darkness. It feels intimate and loaded with implications. It’s absolutely driven by fear and her desire to survive but the set-up of the scene is inherently romantic. It’s akin to someone sneaking out to see their lover whom they’re having an affair with.

I could wax poetic about how much I love this scene in its entirety. When Good Girls is good, it’s fucking good. The way that Beth is frightened and then annoyed with Mick for saying something behind her when she’s the one running around at ridiculous o’clock, the imposing figure he cuts as he smokes, the way he considers her. Just. All. Of. This. I love all of Beth and Rio’s scenes, including the ones that take place during the day. But gosh, there’s just something about the scenes that take place in the dark that I find dangerous and addictive.

Rio walks into his bar, briefly nods at the bartender and greets Mick. But as soon as he sees Beth, he can’t look away from her. He doesn’t look at Mick as they clasp hands, his lips part and stay that way as he looks at her AND if you look closely, for a brief second, he stands taller and very slightly pushes his shoulders back before walking towards her.

While they are sitting at the bar together, Rio is depicted as exhausted and conflicted. This shot is stunning:

Their conversaion is so well done. Rio sceptically eyeing Beth’s finished drink and only suggesting that she slow down when she asks for a shot of tequila, his hand gently coming down on top of hers, the way he looks at her as he waits for an answer. It’s such a stark contrast to the way Dean treats her. Even now, after everything.

“One for my baby daddy here too.” SCREAMS. OMG BETH. I adore her.

God. The acting. Beth’s face when she looks at Rio after saying “I lost it”, a sort of confused and hesitant realisation that he looks affected by it, by her words. I still waver on whether or not Rio believed that Beth was indeed pregnant. To sum up what I think is going through Rio’s mind in this scene:

1. He has no reason at this point to doubt the words of Rhea’s OBGYN. In other words, it’s entirely possible that following the appointment, he grappled with the idea that Beth was pregnant with his child, conceived during an encounter fraught with emotions in her bedroom and before she shot him three times. It’s possible that he forced himself to be pragmatic, process it and accept it, only for Beth to suffer a miscarriage. There’s a feeling of mourning in the way that Rio regards Beth with his hand over his mouth, the quiet, sensitive way in which he asks when it happened, the way he looks at his palms on the bar counter, the way he tosses back the shot of tequila.

2. The loss of the pregnancy ultimately means that he’s lost the one reason, the single excuse he had to keep Beth alive. I don’t doubt that he could have killed her in the moments when he first saw her again, after the time he spent simmering, plotting and remembering. But now she’s under his skin again. God, she never even left but now she’s probably curled up somewhere inside of him all over again. It’s so obvious in the way that he says “nothing good” that he doesn’t want to kill her, that he’s tired and doesn’t want to even think about it anymore.

Following this, the writers did an amazing job with the back and forth between Beth and Rio in this scene. Beth is desperate and yet so audacious in suggesting that Rio needs money, that he should take another chance on her. I love her when she’s like this, when she’s clawing and doing her best to survive. And the way that Rio huffs an unamused laugh through pursed lips, almost as though he’s thinking, shit I’m doing this again aren’t I? I’m letting her talk? Except we all know she’s not talking him into anything. He’s just looking for an excuse. If anything, to me, he seems unamused with the traitorous part of himself that is listening to her for the sole reason of avoiding the necessity of killing her.

“You couldn’t afford it.” What a backhanded compliment. Rio can’t place a price on Beth’s head because even he struggles to deal with what her personal worth is to him, what she actually means to him, so I love that he ultimately just caves and throws out an arbitrary $100K which is much less than he has previously requested from her. I also love that Beth just focuces purely on the money and ignores the true implications of what he’s saying because it’s too much, it’s too loaded and neither of them have ever been able to contend with whatever’s between them, this thing that is indescribable.

As for the final scene of the episode. I don’t know if I can rationally articulate my thoughts on this but I’m going to do my best.

First of all, I love the idea of Beth and Rio watching each other when the other person isn’t aware of it. So when Rio enters paper porcupine and slowly walks towards her while Beth is rifling through items, unaware that he’s behind her, it just does something to me. I love it.

Also, I love the way they almost circle one another until Beth stops on the other side of the table in between them. They are so often depicted to be standing across from one another. Forever waiting for the day where they stand side by side against a common enemy.

When Rio alludes to Beth doing some custom-printing for him and she immediately catches on, she looks at him with her big, blue eyes and her voice is so feminine when she says “I don’t know what you’re talking about”. God, you can’t convince me Rio isn’t into that.

I’m not going to talk about the music too much just because this is getting too long and the fandom is already obsessed with the song anyway. The lyrics are a complete revelation and the song was, of course, purposefully chosen. I loved the entire song and the implications for Beth and Rio’s relationship but one part I particularly love:

“Though we sleep in different beds You still keep me up at night”

God, Beth lay awake next to Dean, thinking of what she was going to say to Rio, before running away to see him. There’s no way Rio doesn’t lie awake at night and think about Beth. I. Just. Can’t. This is already getting too long.

The youtube video that went up for this scene sums it up pretty well. Rio really does look pretty mesmerised by Beth in this scene. She looks at him apprehensively because she’s afraid of him and fearful for her operation but she keeps doing it because he makes her nervous, because she likes looking at him, because she likes it when he watches her, because she feels something for him and it’s all just too much because he’s watching her, just like he always has but she’s never gotten used to it. GAHHHH.

I also just love interpreting this scene after watching 3x05, when Dean says twice that Beth is “something you (Rio) love”. Beth refutes that at the end of the episode, saying Rio loves money. But here we have all three things, Beth, Rio and money in one scene. And yes, Rio’s watching Beth make money but he also can’t look away from her.

Just look at this shot. Beth and Rio facing each other, as they often do, at equal heights, with the money symbolically positoned between them. It’s not just something that separates them though. It’s something they share if that makes sense. It’s something they both care about but you can care about more than one thing.

And looks like Rio found another excuse to keep her alive. I mean, he had already found one, by demanding 100K but this is now something he can directly participate in and benefit from. Something long-term that keeps them tied together, rather than a one-off payment. He just can’t help himself, can he? They can’t let each other go.

I don’t know where else to put this. But seeing Beth wearing glasses was...life-changing.

Moving on to 3x05.

The Opening Scene and Mick

STOP SAYING GOOD MORNING AND STOP TALKING. DON’T SAY ANYTHING. I CAN’T DEAL WITH YOUR VOICE MICK.

Ahem. We also met more of Rio’s boys which means another one of my hiatus wishes came true. I’m really curious to meet Rio’s bosses, who Manny has said we will learn more about in this season, and what the debts he needs to repay are, which he alluded to in the sneak peek from 3x06 (THE ANGST). I’m guessing it has something to do with the fact that we was out of the game for so long or maybe because people have found out that he fed Turner names, or both?

I love smart Beth. Taking the plates used to make the counterfeit money as a precautionary measure was really important but also just...kind of tragic. I’m going to talk more about this later (see Paper Porcupine and the Shooting).

Also, how freaking loaded was that scene where Beth tries to pay Mick to buy more time? When she said “what if I made it up to you?”, my jaw dropped. Not even exaggerating. And when he said “it’d be a huge order”, I straight up scream-cackled. This 100% backs up the idea that Beth is legitimately the most oblivious person in the world and would totally get into a bunch of awkward situations just because she’s misunderstood somebody else or because she’s said something sexual without even realising it. I. Require. All. That. Fanfic.

I completely agree with @foxmagpie here. I just don’t think that Mick has or will betray Rio. 100K is a relatively small sum of money, given the context. We know that Rio only asked this of Beth because it was an excuse to avoid killing her. For Mick, this is nowhere near enough money to risk his life or his position as (presumably) Rio’s right hand man. And let’s be honest, in the crime world, who are you going to place your bet on? Beth or Rio? I know who I would choose.

Annie 

I freaked when I saw Kevin again because I didn’t expect him to show up after 3x01 but there you go! I genuinely love this though because I didn’t think he was homeless and it just shows you that you really can’t know what’s going on in someone’s life until they tell you. It really hit me hard when he said “I’m experiencing homelessness” because it could happen to anyone. It really reminded me of a news article I read about, about individuals who are homeless but aren’t necessarily sleeping on the streets; instead, they are couch surfing or sleeping in their cars but they feel as though they have no stability, no place they can call their own and as though they have been forgotten about by society.

This show is so good at introducing tertiary characters!

Dean, The Fish and “Something you love” (Did I make this about Beth and Rio again? You’re goddamn right I did.)

So, I’m assuming the three dead fish are symbolic of Beth, Ruby and Annie. The fact that Dean was responsible for killing them is, I feel, more symbolically indicative of the consequences of him breaking the plate in this episode alone. I actually think that when Beth says “How much did you feed them?” and Dean replies “Too much”, this is more indicative of the over-arching plot for the season and really the whole show. The idea that greed, money, and for Beth, the rush, are going to be what ultimately hurts them and potentially lead them to their ruin.

Dean really pissed me off in this scene. I was clutching my head and cursing him. Every little thing pissed me off, from the way that he slammed the drawers shut, to the way he held the plate higher up, to his slighted masculinity when he said “he didn’t waste any time, did he?” Even though he knows that Beth has been willingly involved in crime, he continues to completely underestimate her. He just assumes that Rio offers up opportunities and Beth can’t resist. He cannot wrap his mind around the concept of Beth coming up with ideas and executing them; if anything, it’s Rio who can’t resist.

I gasped when Dean said “something you love”. I think this has been very controversial in the fandom. @foxmagpie answered an ask and wrote a brilliant analysis here, which I would highly recommend reading. Following the season 2 finale, I answered an ask here about Beth and Rio’s feelings for one another and I feel a little bit vindicated write now, not because I think I’m right (their feelings are so complex and completely up for interpretation at this stage) but because I agreed with my initial assessment.

I think some people might be tempted to write off what Dean said as inaccurate, simply because it’s Dean who said it. Dean is often an unreliable narrator when it comes to Beth and Rio’s relationship. His view is tainted by jealousy, misogyny and the need to take ownership over Beth as his wife again. However, he did manage to catch on to the fact that Rio treats Beth differently (Rio flaunting the relationship he has with Beth in front of Dean in 1x10/2x01), that Beth slept with Rio and was using him as a poor replacement (2x06), that Beth and Rio have a relationship that is more than just sex (before Beth brutally emasculated him by saying she just really likes having sex with Rio in 2x11). In season 2, he did eventually see that, fundamentally, Beth and Rio are addicted to one another. So, I don’t think we can write off what Dean is saying in 3x05.

As for whether or not I think Rio is in love with Beth.

I need to explain the way that I view love, in the capacity that we use it to describe the feelings that an individual can have for another person. I find myself consistently surprised by the number of people around me who talk about emotions as being incredibly complex but then act as though you either love something or you don’t or, when it comes to romantic relationships on screen, if it isn’t love then it can only be lust or desire or an obsession. Personally, I view love as a spectrum emotion and I actually think most people view it in the same way, that you can feel varying degrees and intensities of it. It sounds obvious and that’s because it totally is. As an example, I think it’s absolutely possible to be a little bit in love with someone.

So, there’s a diagram I remembered from one of my lectures and I think it’ll help me articulate the way I view Beth and Rio’s feelings for one another. The short answer is that I thought they were a little in love with one another in the second half of season 2 and I actually still agree with that but I think it’s been buried under an avalance of trauma and betrayal.

Of course, I’m not going to include the original image from my lecture (which depicts the spectrum and crossover of mood and psychotic disorders) but here’s a stock image that depicts a similar idea:

Now, I think the obvious way to look at this is to stick love on one side and hate on the other, as they are classically considered to be ‘opposing’ emotions, and then something neutral like indifference in the middle.

Personally, I agree with the idea that indifference is the opposite of love and so I’d like to place indifference on one end, hate in the middle and love on the other end, especially when it comes to considering Beth and Rio’s relationship. I’d justify placing hate in the middle because it is an intense emotion, whereas indifference is literally nothing and these two have never been indifferent towards one another, no matter how much time Rio spends on his phone when he’s with Beth. The way I see it, Beth and Rio rapidly slide up and down the part of the spectrum between love and hate and those emotions never have time to settle so that they can be acknowledged as one or the other.

(sorry this is so bad)

I guess what I’m trying to say is that, even at this point in their relationship, the majority of viewers cannot point to the middle of this spectrum and say that Rio definitively hates Beth or vice versa. Nor can we point at love and say the same. I don’t even think we could point vaguely in between. I’d personally be continuously sliding my finger up and down the spectrum between those two points.

I think Manny worded it perfectly in his interveiew, “They hate each other but want to be each other. They hate each other but want to be with each other.”

Lucy, Paper Porcupine and The Shooting

I’m going to just put this in here because this scene was so dark (and very well done in my opinion). But Rio is such a little shit! Look at his face after antagonising Beth:

God sake. Check yourself Rio. Your boys, Ruby and Annie are all watching and it’s so obvious that you’re like straight up thinking about your crush.

Even though I loved the fact that Beth thought ahead and took the plates, upon rewatching the episode it all felt so futile and painful. It really felt like so many of the Beth’s actions took Lucy to that moment. I know we’re all thinking the same thing, that Dean unknowingly triggered all of this when he broke the plate. But the reality is that even if Dean hadn’t broken the plate, it’s likely that Rio would have eventually gone straight to the source of the design. From the moment Beth chose to bring her into this, Lucy’s fate was sealed. It’s heartbreaking.

I absolutely agree with @sothischickshe when she said that Beth knew that something was going to go down. She looks at Lucy so much in this scene, with fear, with guilt but also with an almost intuitive grief. I don’t think she knew that Rio was going to kill her but I do think she had a feeling or a thought clawing at the back of her mind, that something terrible was going to happen to Lucy.

Rio orders Beth to go with Lucy, telling her to “be smart”. He still has Ruby and Annie with him and he knows that Beth would never abandon them. He makes her choose between Lucy and Ruby & Annie in this scene; when she chooses not to ask Mrs Harris for help, when she chooses to beg Lucy not to finish the plate rather than telling her to run out of the store, she is essentially choosing Ruby & Annie.

So much of this scene was about Rio punishing Beth for what she has done, by taking what she had built, ordering her to go with Lucy and forcing her to share in the responsibility of what was about to happen. Because he hasn’t been able to kill her and he knows he’ll never be able to. But I also think it was about proving a point to Beth and here’s why.

Beth shot Rio for many reasons but a lot of it was about the situation she had been placed in and the pressing need to just do something in the ‘heat of the moment’. She has never been able to kill any of her rotten eggs when she had time to plan how to do it. Even when she hit Boomer in the back of the head in 1x01, it is was in the ‘heat of the moment’. She is bound by the moral barrier that separates a murder (i.e: intent, sometimes premeditated) from voluntary manslaughter (i.e: when provoked, in the moment.) I know Beth shot Rio two more times after the initial thought and I may write another post all about that. But now is not the time. For all intents and purposes, Beth cannot kill someone after definitively making that decision in advance.

Something that I’m so struck by with the sequence in Paper Porcupine is how long it is. It’s obviously this long to build tension but it really highlights to me the length of time Rio had to consider his options and decide what he was going to do. Even the scene outside the van was long; he had time to back out of killing Lucy but, unlike Beth, he did not balk. And because of that, he proved to Beth that he can do it all.

He’s basically saying look, I can kill someone before they even have the chance to go rotten.

Obviously, we know that Beth is Rio’s rotten egg and Rio knows it too (that’s why he’s punishing Beth in this scene). But Beth has never allowed herself to believe it. She thinks it’s all about the money.

Oh god. Don’t even get me started on the implications of Rio grabbing Lucy’s hand to help her into the van and looking over at Beth as he says “ma girl”. Yes, we get it Rio. Beth’s your girl.

@pynkhues​  pointed out that Rio has a kind of honeytrap language that Beth is starting to recognise and you can just tell from the way that Beth closes her eyes that she knows the situation is escalating and that something is imminently going to happen.

This scene is so interesting when you stop and pause and just look at Beth and Rio’s faces. Because Beth is desperately trying to justify why Rio should keep them alive. She keeps looking at his face and then prompting Ruby and Annie to speak and answer her questions, so she can prove their worth. And then, at the very end, she sort of tacks Lucy on as an afterthought and it’s just tragic. It was over for Lucy already but, even so, Beth basically gave a speech about their value vs Lucy’s value.

And I totally agree with everyone else. Rio did not look like he was being convinced by what Beth was saying at all. I mean, he definitely had heart-eyes (haha, they’re both idiots) but he didn’t look like he was really considering what she was saying, rather he seemed more like he was impressed by what he was seeing, almost falling into the habit of staring at her as intensely as he always has. He was definitely just letting her talk so he could put a bullet in Lucy and deal with someone in front of his boys and the girls.

Rio

We already knew this but Manny and the writers have really doubled down on how charming, personable and downright sinister Rio can be as a character. His smiles come easily when he’s questioning the mover in 3x04 and interacting with Lucy, he jokes around with them and exerts an effortless control over both situations.  Perhaps even more importantly, his smiles are real in these moments. It’s become very obvious that Rio enjoys it all. It’s fun for him. Just like Beth, he gets a kick out of crime and is pretty unhinged.

As for him shooting Lucy, a completely innocent woman whom he knew Beth had dragged into this. Well, I agree with what a lot of people have already said; I think it was in character. I mean, this is the man who sat and messed about on his phone while his boys waiting on the order to kill the girls in 1x02. This is the guy who killed Eddie, somebody he presumably knew well considering the fact that Eddie only called his mum aside from Rio. This is the guy who shot Dean, who we as an audience hate but who really had nothing to do with Beth’s plot to have Rio arrested. This is the guy who didn’t just have Agent Turner killed but a slew of other FBI agents. Interestingly, of all these characters, the only one aside from Lucy who was unwittingly brought into the crime world was Dean and Rio still shot him. I don’t think this was an attempt on the writers’ parts to make us hate Rio because let’s be honest, the vast majority of us will continue to love his character and they know it. This is who he is and none of us can lie to ourselves anymore. I think that’s good.

The Ending

I loved it! Annie seeking comfort from the people they love, the people who support them. And Beth not being able to do that. God, she looks exhausted and two seconds from falling to pieces in that last scene and Dean is such a narcissist that he can’t see it. All he cares about is Rio, not the effect all of this is having on Beth.

When Beth says that she also really hates being around Rio again and Dean questions her, “really?”, it’s the only thing he can focus on when it comes to her. Like once Rio stuck his dick inside Beth, she wasn’t just her anymore, she was only a person with relation to Rio. Ewwwww Dean. Go away.

Also, it’s so telling that Beth couldn’t repeat herself when Dean questioned her. God, even after Rio ordered Mick to shoot Lucy, she can’t lie about it. She’s such a good liar but, in this scene, she’s so exhausted that she can’t even put in the effort.

God, Christina was amazing. Her watery blue eyes, her forced smiles and pained expressions. I felt like I had been stabbed in the heart when Max said “except for you” and that Beth was Lucy’s only friend. I feel terrible for Max and completely agree with Lucy! He is totally awesome.

[argyle-s]

On Supercorp

So, I am aware that, among certain circles, I have a bit of a reputation as an “anti”.  Anti-Supercorp, Anti-Lena.  I’ll admit, the reputation is well deserved.  I have, over the past few months, made a lot of anti-Lena posts.  Since Septemper 25 of this year, I have posted more than two hundred posts with the “anti lena luthor” tag.

Now, I’ve never really been a quiet fan.  Even before I started making posts tagged anti lena luthor, I was on the Sunshine Protection Force’s block list, because I dared to make a meme for a ship that Vv doesn’t approve of as a gift for a friend.  I once dared to point out that Kara was more likely to go to Alex with a question about something she didn’t understand, and got called a ‘granny stanning fuck’.  I got harassed to the point of taking down one of my fics because a bunch of teenagers in the Sanvers fandom didn’t like me writing about Alex and Maggie engaging in self destructive behavior.  Oh, and I had dared to write posts criticizing Lena’s behavior.

But why the sudden, vehement dislike of Lena and the Supercorp ship?

In order to explain that, I have to explain a bit about who I am.  I am a 43 year old bisexual trans woman.  I transitioned about 2 months after my 42 birthday.  I grew up in a deeply religious, homophobic, transphobic home.  My grandmother and her second husband were my primary care takes for the time I was about 6 months old, until he died when I was 16.  I finally managed to move out when I was about 21.  By the time I moved out of my grandmother’s house, I was already involved with a woman who was ten years older than me.

I was abused for the first 34 years of my life.  First by my Grandmother and her husband, then by my intimate partner.  When I was a child, I got the full buffet.  Mental, emotional and physical abuse.  My Grandmother liked wire and plastic fly swatters.  Her husband liked leather belts, his firsts, and on one notable occasion, a buck knife.  I at various times watched him try to murder one of my uncles with said knife, and try to choke my brother to death.  He was a prescription drug addict, and his moods were as unpredictable as his choice of drugs each morning.  I met my ex, who was my first girlfriend, when I was 19 and she was 29.  She spent two years grooming me.  We first slept together when I was 21 and she was 31.  We were together for 13 years, and the best thing I can say about her is that she never hit me.  The physical abuse stopped when I was sixteen and my grandmother’s husband died, but not being hit doesn’t mean that twenty-two years of my life weren’t filled with horrible abuse and violence.

I eventually escaped.  I got lucky.  My brother got remained to an abuse survivor, and the more she and I interacted, the more she picked up on the signs of abuse.  It took her years to coax me into standing up for myself, and when I finally did, when I finally stood up to my ex and said ‘you’re abusing me’ she immediately threw me out.  It was honestly the kindest thing she’d ever done for me.  She literally released me from the promises and commitment I had made to her, and let me walk away from the hellscape of that life with a clean conscience.

I walked away, but not without lasting injury, and permanent scars.  I have depression, anxiety, CPTSD and an eating disorder.  I’ve spent long periods of my life dealing with suicidal tendencies.  And I was, at the time I walked away, a 34 year old closeted trans woman.

What does all of that have to do with Supercorp you ask?

Pretty much everything.

Kara Zor-El has been my favorite Superhero since I was about 8 years old and say the Helen Slater movie for the first time.  Up until that point, Superman has held the crown, but I felt a much deeper connection to Kara than I ever did as Clark.  It would be decades before I really understood why she resonated so strongly, but my love for Kara has always been there.

Then 2015 rolled around, and Supergirl premiered, and I was blown away.  This was a version of Kara that I connected with so much more deeply that any other version.  This was everything I had ever wanted.  I fell in love with the show, and with Kara Danvers.  I felt a kinship and a connection to the character at the time in my life when I was struggling deeply with depression and anxiety.

As ridiculous as it may sound, Supergirl was a lifeline.  The show filled me with so much hope that I could survive, that I could make it.  Kara was a roll model.  She’s been through something horrible, and she came out of it and all she wanted to do was help.  And no matter how hard things were, no matter how cruel the world was to her, she still had hope, she still had strength, and she still did everything she could to help.

I came out the summer between the first season and the second.  Told the world that I am bisexual, that I have gender disphoria.  I did it in the wake of the Pulse Shooting.

A few weeks later, I got Kara’s symbol tattooed on my arm.  Below it are Cat Grant’s words.  “Hope in Stronger Than Fear.”  I did it as a reminder to myself.

Then season two started.

I admit, I didn’t pay much attention to Lena at first.  Cat, who I loved was gone, and I was swept up in Alex’s coming out storyline.  Lena was just kind of there.  I didn’t really connect to her.  But what I did see...  It bothered me.  The alien detector storyline in her second episode left a sour taste in my mouth.  The fact that she put Kara's life on the line by telling Lillian that Kara was investigating her.  It wasn't really until the end of Ace Reporter (2x18) that I really noticed just how uncomfortable her character made me.  There was something about that final scene between her and Kara that just didn't sit right.  Looking back, I think it's because that's the first time (at least that I remember) that Lena shifts the responsibility for her behavior onto Kara. ��It's subtle, it's all the in the subtext of what she's saying, but it's there.

The next disturbing moment is in 3x02, and the confrontation between Kara and Lena.  Kara sets a boundary.  She tells Lena the problem she is having in personal, and that she doesn't want to talk about it at work.  Lena, instead of respecting that boundary, instead of backing off, immediately punishes Kara for daring to not share every detail of her life.  Yes, Kara was not doing her job, but Lena's obviously knew Kara was having issues, and she came down on Kara the way she did to punish her for having boundaries and feelings.

From there, Lena's actions towards Kara get more and more questionable, and I will not go through and innumerate all of them.  I've done so in a number of other posts.  But there is a slow but steady building of a pattern of abuse between Lena and Kara, with Lena as the abuser and Kara as the victim.  It gets progressively worse.  The pattern is clear.  Lena expects Kara to be completely emotionally available to her at all times.  She feels entitled to Kara's every thought and feeling.  She expects and allows Kara to perform all the emotional labor in the relationship.  And any time Kara doesn't to all of this, any time Kara sets a boundary, or isn't available at Lena's whim, Lena punishes Kara for it.  The clearest example of this, prior to the Lex reveal, was in American Dreamer (4x19) when Lena lays into Kara for not being there for her.

And ultimately, that's what is going on in season 5.  All of Season 5 so far, with the exception of Crisis, is Lena's attempt to punish Kara for not making every single part of her life available to Lena.  And there is a dangerous level of escalation to Lena's abuse that we see, even before the season starts. In the preview, we see that there is a clear desire, on Lena's part, to physically harm Kara.  It wouldn't actually be the first time.  Lena allows Kara to get hurt by not telling her that the forcefield will hurt her if she uses her x-ray vision on it back in The Fanatical (3x19).  It's a horrible moment, but I'm not including it in the pattern of abuse directed towards Kara, because at the time, Lena didn't know Supergirl and Kara were the same person.  I realize some people are going to point out that what was say in the VR simulations were just that, simulations, but Lena does, eventually, especalate to physical abuse in Tremors (5x07) when she cages Kara in ice and exposes her to Kryptonite.

Now that I've laid out all the back story here, let's address the original question.  Why am I so vehemently anti lena luthor and anti supercorp?

Because watching Kara and Lena's relationship feels very much like watching the nightmare of my relationship with my ex play out in front of my eyes.  The slow escalation of abuse.  The gaslighting.  The punishment for having feelings.  The inability of Kara to hold any part of her life back from Lena without being punished for her.  Kara is one of my favorite characters in all of fiction.  She has been for 35 years.  I feel a personal connection and kinship to her, and watching her be abused so badly and so long, until we get an entire episode like The Wrath of Rama Khan (5x08) where she sounds like nothing so much as a battered woman defending her abuser, is painful.  But worse than that, watching the Supercorp fandom glorify and romanticize it, watching then take delight in "the angst", is horrifying.

Kara is being abused by Lena, and the Supercorp fandom is out there cheering Lena on.  They are claiming that the abuse is absolutely justified by the fact that Kara kept a secret.  They are baying for the escalation of violence against Kara by Lena.

It's disgusting.  It is.

I don't expect this post to change the minds of the Supercorp die hards or the Lena die hards.  But there are people in this fandom who are going to see the fandom holding up Kara and Lena and screaming 'relationship goals'.  I hope they see this post, because there are people out there who genuinely need to hear that the dynamic between Kara and Lena isn't health, it isn't okay, it's nothing to be emulated or envied.  The relationship between Kara and Lena is sick, and toxic, and abusive.  If anyone *ever* treats you the way Lena treats Kara.  Run.  I don't care what you've promised them.  I don't care what committments you made.  Run.  Just run.

Because that kind of abuse will wear you down, it well tear you apart.  It will make you long for death.  It will make you dream of putting a gun in your mouth.

I know.  Because it did all of that to me.

That's why I have two hundred plus posts tagged anti lena luthor.

But I'm not tagging this one that way, because it's not hating on a character to tell the truth.  And the truth is, Lena Luthor is an abuser, and she's a villain.