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moonacrefarm · 6 months ago

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anticipating love

summary: your parents marriage didn’t survive the test of time and neither did you first love.

contains: childhood friends to lovers to strangers, second-chance romance, angst, hurt/comfort, slight miscommunication, fluff, 18+ series, mentions of stalking, mentions of cancer, no mention of y/n

authors note: woooohoooo! i didn't expect this chap to take so long. i ended up with a few health issues (all cleared now) which put a dent in my writing schedule as i rested up and got better. a little slow of a chap today but im excited as the foundation has been set for the next few chaps ◡̈

series masterlist

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03. fated ones

“You didn’t.”

“I did.”

“No. Mom. You didn’t.”

“I did and you're going to set the table.”

“Why would you invite Bradley over?”

“Why?”

“Yes. Why?”

Your mother narrowed her eyes at you. You could tell her temper was on the rise, you’d been arguing about inviting Bradley over for all morning and she’d seemed to have had enough.

“I’m dying sweetheart. I’m not dying with regrets.” She hissed out the last part. “He’s coming over and you aren’t gonna say another word about it.”

“But—”

Her finger shot up, “If I hear one more word. One. I’m shipping you to base with your father. This has nothing to do with whatever you guys fell out over. I invited him over because I wanted to have dinner with the boy I so much as raised when Carole died. I do not care if you think I should be angry with him, I’m dying and I’m…” She pointed at herself, “Making amends. If you don’t want to be here, take a drive, sleep on base, and pull your teeth out. I’ve had you yammering in my ear all morning about canceling dinner. This is the one thing I’m asking you to do for me, and you’re throwing a fit. Zip it or ship it.”

Your lips pressed in a line thin. You **had been making this about you. The past few days have been difficult for you to process. The revelation that Bradley hadn’t just up and left you for no reason was heavy in your limbs. It didn’t align with what River had told you and with what you knew.

But, something was off.

It’s not that you didn’t believe what Bradley had told you. There were many ways to explain it all away but something kept gnawing you. River always talked about “divine timing.” What if it's all meant to be, “divine timing” will take care of it. Your guy's relationship had been built out of convenience. You both were young, in school together and looked good together. You both kind of… settled. He fit so well into your life that it had to be divine timing. How else could you explain it?

When your mother was diagnosed, River was good. He was so good to you and her, taking time off, driving her to appointments, and sure your mom was never his biggest fan but she respected him enough and his ability to make you comfortable. You can still pinpoint when he changed and became colder and distant. Every time he talked to you it was flitted with something aggressive.

Initially, you thought it had been neglect. You weren’t spending enough time with him, or maybe it was an effort. Either way, when the switch flipped it felt like whiplash. The night you called it off it was a blow-up fight. He threw vases, photos, plates, and whatever he could find. He kept murmuring about you not being in love with him and choosing your mother over him. Nothing could placate him and soon enough you tore the ring off your finger and hurled it at him, grabbed your keys, and ran to your car.

He tried to follow you but you lost him on the freeway and called your mother. It felt like all those years were a lie, he’d never lost his temper in that manner. Had never gotten aggressive or screamed at you. The whole argument unsettled you. It confirmed the gnawing feeling that ate away at you for years. Every once in a while his smile would become rigid, his grip on your wrist slightly tighter. Always small and light movements to command you to his well.

Once the phone call ended, you immediately went to pick her up, opting to stay at a hotel for a couple of days. He kept calling, texting, calling, and spamming through unknown numbers and accounts. All it did was confirm that… feeling that always sat at the back of your mind. The breakup wasn’t amicable in the slightest. You had police escort you to your shared apartment to pack your belongings and he, luckily, wasn’t there. Within hours, your life was packed up and you moved back in with your mother. However, you never shook the feeling that he was orbiting around you. Even if you never saw him, it followed you everywhere you went.

Silently, you grabbed plates and started to set the table.

“Thank you.” Your mother sighed. You mulled over anything and everything, still stuck on the photos. You and River didn’t even take engagement photos, just a small get-together with your mother and his family.

“Mom?” You called out gently, setting another placemat down.

“Yeah, sweetie?”

“Did you ever think something was wrong with River?”

She stood still for a few seconds.

“Like that something was off with him?”

“To be honest hon, I thought he was boring…”

The confession startled you, causing a giggle to bubble out of you.

“I did! Towards the end, I thought something was wrong with him. There were a few moments when he would seem…off. I never thought he was so off that he would've lost it like that when you two ended it.”

You nodded

“He was boring.”

When the knock on the door arrived, your mother shot off her chair. Your father stayed stiff and you followed suit.

“Oh, you've grown so tall.” She held his face between her hands for a moment, “Handsome, just like your father.” Bradley smiled wide, embracing her again, “It’s good to see you too.”

Bradley took in her scent as he hugged her, feeling how much more frail she had been than the last time he saw her. The guilt gripped his heart.

“Now come on, I made some of Carole's lasagna and set the table.”

Toeing off his shoes he made his way into the home, still familiar with the path to the dining table.

“Sir.” His back straightened, Beau sighed, “At ease Bradshaw, you're in my home not on base, formalities don’t exist here”

“Damn straight they don’t.” Your mother's cheerful voice cut in, earning a small smile from your father.

“Bradley.” You nodded.

He gave a small smile, one so tense you thought he might pull a cheek.

“Dear, could you go get the drinks? I left them in the kitchen.” Pulling yourself up, you heard your mother’s bombardment of questions. She didn’t hold back asking Bradley about the last decade of his life, they did have a lot to catch up after all.

By the time you made it back to the table, your mother was asking the hard-hitting questions,

“So, are you dating anyone? Engaged perhaps?” Bradley choked slightly on his drink.

“Uh.. no ma’am. No engagement and no girlfriend.”

Your mom frowned, “I was hoping for some grandbabies and now I'm hearing I probably won’t have any at all!” Her arms went up in the air. Your dad and you eyed each other, knowing she was putting on a show. Snuffing your snickers you silently chewed. Unfortunately for Bradley, your mom wasn’t quite done.

“Honey, you’re gonna be a spinster by the time your good years are up! You're young and healthy! This is the time to make a couple babies.”

Bradley burned red and none of you could hold back your laughter.

“Okay Mom, give Bradley a breather, anymore baby talk and I think he’ll start babbling like one…It did take him a while to grow out of baby talk.” You snickered and he softly glared at you, “Bringing up my dark past I see.”

Your mother and father gave each other a soft smile.

Dinner wore on and your mother's efforts had paid off, everyone had relaxed and spread out to the living room for some photo album viewing.

She was entrenched in showing the photos of you and Bradley on a family trip to the Sequoias. Climbing trees and chasing each other with fake snakes.

“Carole thought you two were the cutest thing, wherever you went, Bradley was sure to follow. He was terrified of the fake snakes and you grabbed four in the gift shop and started chasing him.”

“Okay, you’re making it sound like I was a little menace.”

“I’d have to agree that you were. I never quite got over my fear of snakes…” Bradley smirked, earning him a small shove from you.

Your mother yawned, flipping through a couple more photos before another yawn followed.

“I think it’s time someone got to bed.” Beau had wrapped around the couch and put a blanket on your mother's shoulders.

“It is a little late, I should be heading back to base.”

“That you should, we have early morning training tomorrow.”

“Honey, can you walk Bradley out to his car? I suddenly feel exhausted.” You nodded, standing and motioning for Bradley to follow.

He got his shoes on and embraced your mother once more before leaving, “Now you come back and visit me, you hear me? I want to see your face as much as possible little Goose.” All he could do was nod, “I will. So much that you’ll be sick of me.” He smiled at her once more, watching as your father walked her up the stairs.

The breeze was welcomed as you stepped out. It had been getting warm inside, your cheeks slightly flush from all the laughing.

“Quite a trip down memory lane huh?” He asked, giving you a small side glance.

“I completely forgot how scared of fake snakes you were.”

“I wonder why…” You shoved him again.

You both approached his car, standing awkwardly for a few moments.

“I didn’t realize how…” He cleared his throat. “How sick she was?”

He nodded grimly.

“Yeah.”

You swallowed hard.

“She’s been fighting really hard.”

You both went quiet again.

You started at the paint on the Bronco, a small dent at the base of the driver's side, from where you and Bradley had been playing a game of baseball gone wrong. A little smile grew on your face.

“You should come by more often.” You looked at him, “I know we don’t… don’t get along like we used to. But we aren’t sure how chemo is gonna treat her this time…She really missed you.”

Bradley’s eyes stung. He’d seen his mother go through this, and seeing your mother today had brought painful memories to the surface again. He let out a shaky breath, “I will. I’ll come by as often as I can. With training, I’m not sure…I can work something out.” You nodded once more, “Drive safe Bradley.”

“Goodnight Bugs.”

You watched him drive off. Standing outside for a minute, letting the air cool you before your father came to the door, “You coming in?”

“Yeah. I just needed some air.”

#bradley bradshaw fanfiction #bradley bradshaw imagine #bradley bradshaw x female reader #bradley bradshaw x reader #bradley rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw #rooster bradshaw #bradley bradshaw x you #bradley bradsaw x reader #top gun maverick #top gun fanfiction #top gun imagine

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scarletwinterxx · 6 months ago

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little flower - dad haechan scenario

hellloooo, it's a bit late for Haechan day but better late than never😊 a quick fluff moment with our fullsun and his lily girl. hope you like it!!

pt. 1 - Lee and Lily

pt. 2 - bigger that the whole sky

pt. 3 - lily and chocobi

if you have a request or scenario you want me to do, just send me a message I'll see what I can do😊💌

For my other works you can check them out here, and for my other story series’ you can check them out here.

All works are copyrighted ©scarletwinterxx 2024 . Do not repost, re-write without the permission of author.

(gif not mine, credits to rightful owner)

Between you and your husband, he tends to be the one who overreact. Especially where you're concerned. You thought he's overprotective over you already but he managed to succeed himself when you found out you're expecting.

It doesn't bother you though, you're used to your golden retriever husband's antics. When he's home, he has to be in the same room as you. When he's at work he would text you or call when he's available to make sure you're okay at home.

You've been adviced by your doctor to avoid any stress and strenuous activities. You and Haechan had a long serious talk after that doctor's appointment, you both were working at that time and he didn't want to stop you living your life. But as your husband, he wants to make sure you and the baby is safe so he asked if you could stay at home just how the doctor adviced. You understand where he's coming from, so you agreed. You wanted your baby to be safe.

And now 39 weeks laters, you feel like you're as large as a balloon. Most of the times waddling around the house clad in your husband's clothes since that's the only thing that fits you at this point.

Haechan loves it. He loves watching you grow each week. To his eyes you are the most radiant woman he's ever laid his eyes on. And the fact that you're growing his baby just makes him fall even more in love with you.

Not a day passes by without him reminding you of how thankful he is of you and how much he loves you and your little human.

"She's being dramatic, like you" you tell him one night while he watches her little foot kick against the inside of your belly, revealing a tiny imprint on your tummy.

Haechan caresses your belly gently. his hand against your skin feeling her kicks from inside you. "Still can't believe she's in there, moving and all that"

"Soon she'll be here, kicking you too" you joke

"I would gladly be her own personal punching bag or kick board or whatever she needs me to be"

You smile at that, you just know he's going to be the best dad to her.

"You do that, i think my insides are done being her practice tools. I can feel her other foot against my lung"

"Does it hurt? What do you need? You need to sit up?"

"I'm okay, just a bit short of breath. She'll move around eventually, probably later she'll sit on my bladder again then I'd have to pee every freaking second again"

Haechan kisses your belly a few more times before sooching up the bed to lay against the headboard beside you

"We have dinner at my parent's tomorrow, do you want to stay the night there or drive home after?"

It's his birthday tomorrow so his mom invited you over for dinner, since you're due any day now Haechan decided not to do anything grand. He didn't want you to get tired or stressed over planning his birthday.

"We can stay, won't it be too late if we drive back? You'll be tired bub"

"I'm good, it's just driving but sure if you want to stay the night. She won't come out tomorrow wouldn't she?" He jokes.

Your husband might as well have a foresight because the next day during dinner with his family, you started to feel your belly contract. At first you didn't think too much of it but as the night progressed, you're starting to think of the possibility you're having contractions right now.

For a while you didn't tell anyone, you didn't want to take the day away from Haechan. It's his day after all.

During dinner, just as Haechan's mom about to serve dessert you felt something warm. You look over at Haechan, grabbing his arm catching his attention

"Either I peed or my water just broke"

"What?"

"Yep, I think my water just broke"

"Y/N's water just broke" Haechan just said catching everyone's attention then everyone was on their feet. Haechan on your right while his mom stands on your left, guiding you to stand up

"Honey, can you get towels from the bathroom. And a change of clothes. I think your brother has some in his old room. Do you need anything else" his mom asks you calmly

"The stuff, I mean the baby's stuff" you tell her

"It's already packed but we left it at home. I only have the carseat right now" Haechan adds

"Your dad will go get everything, go to the hospital first. Do you want to come?" she asks you, her mother instincts kicking in. Right now all of the attention is on you.

"Will you?" you ask, she smiles warmly at you holding your arm tightly but in a comforting way "Of course, dear. Hyuck, go start the car"

The drive was less hectic, all thanks to Haechan's mom. She kept on telling you comforting words all the way to the hospital, you got settled in and now the waiting game begins.

You got there just in time, the doctor checked and asked if you wanted to get epidural which you said yes to. Your pain tolerance goes as high as 2. You cry whenever your headache gets too bad, you can't imagine delivering a baby all natural. Kudos to those who do but that's not you.

"You need anything?" Haechan asks, brushing the hair away from your face. Ever since you arrived here, he hasn't left your side. He only lets go of your hand when the doctor or nurses need to check on you

"Ice chips?"

"I'll go get more" Haechan's mom volunteers, walking out the room to get your request

"Sorry we can't finish your birthday dinner" you tell your husband

Haechan shakes his head, smiling down at you "This is better than any party. How cool would it be if she's born today? We'd have the same birthday"

"Your daughter isn't even here yet and she's already so much like you. Announcing her entrance to the world like this" you chuckled

Hearing the words 'your daughter' does something to him, like a blanket of warmth wrapping all over him. He hasn't even met her yet and he's already so so so in love with your baby girl.

"I can't wait to meet her, we'll have her here in a few hours"

"Are you excited?" you ask him

"Of course, I'm never putting her down. She's gonna stay in my arms forever"

"Silly"

"I'm not kidding. You got a headstart, I'm gonna make sure I'm her favorite" he says with a determined look on his face, you don't even try to argue back

"You're my favorite" you mumble

He just looks at you for a while, admiring you. He leans down, kissing you on the forehead. "I love you so so much. I know you're about to hate me once you start pushing but it's okay" he jokes

And he, once again, was right. You felt bad, cursing him out as you push his baby out of you while his mother heard every word. "It's okay, dear. Don't worry about it, I know how it feels"

"I don't really like you right now" you mumbled, taking a break from pushing

"You liked me enough to carry my baby" he replies

"Shut up"

A few more pushes before you hear her cries fill the room, the nurses lay her on your chest while Haechan stands right beside you

"Oh my gosh, she's here. She's so cute" you hear the nurses mumble, Haechan's mom capturing the moment from the sideline

Meanwhile Haechan stands frozen, looking at the little human in your arms

"What are you doing over there? Come here" you ask him, Haechan scoots closer, holding his pinky finger out to your baby girl which she holds with her tiny hands.

Haechan lets out a sob, not able to contain it.

"It's okay, she's the worth the tears Hyuck" you tell him. Your free hand caress his now tear stained cheeks

"Hey baby girl, happy birthday" he mumbles, still looking at her

"You wanna hold her?"

"I don't know how"

"Yeah well you gotta start learning, daddy. Here, hold her" you say, ever so carefully Haechan takes her from you. His mom stands behind him to take a peak

"She has your nose" she tells him

"She does, doesn't she" you say with a tired smile

"Hi baby, it's me. I'm your dad. You recognize my voice right? I sing to you every night and tell you stories" he tells her like she understands his words

After a few more minutes with her, a nurse takes her from Haechan to check up on her. He takes this time to check on you,

"She's perfect. Thank you" he tells you

"Thank me? You made her too" you joke, he smiles at you then kisses you sweetly

"Happy birthday, Donghyuck. What shall we name our little girl?"

"Nari, like the little Lily flower"

You smile at his explanation, "Your little flower, our little flower. I love it. Happy birthday Hyuck and Nari, I love you both so so much"

"Best birthday ever"

#story #fic #fanfic #nct fanfic #nct imagine #nct scenario #nct fluff #nct au #nct haechan #haechan imagine #haechan scenario #haechan au #haechan fluff

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butchsunbear · 7 months ago

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Full Moon Heat (Butch4Butch sub Werewolfx dom human)

Slight tw: Pretty graphic descriptions of a werewolf transformation

Kinks: Monsterfucking (obviously), Furry stuff (Also obvious), slight petplay? (Idk the werewolf gets talked to like a dog), dumbification, transformation.

Sylvia scrolled aimlessly on her phone, sitting in the waiting room of the doctor's office while she waited for her girlfriend, Hannah, to be done with her checkup. Every month, at least a day before the full Moon, Hannah had to have exams done to check that her lycanthropy is mostly under control. They were cutting it close though, the full moon is tonight. Eventually, Hannah came out of the room. She looked uncomfortable, like way more uncomfortable than normal after one of these appointments. Sylvia stood up from her seat, placing an arm around her girlfriend's shoulders.

"Hey...what's up? You look upset." She asked softly, pushing some of Hannah's long, black hair from her face. Her girlfriend was pale, with pronounced eye bags, and big brown eyes that always looked kind of sad. Hannah looked down at her nails, and her voice went barely above a whisper.

"I'll tell you in the car. It's embarrassing." Hannah gripped her partner's hand, and Sylvia felt her stomach turn. Embarrassing how? Is she gonna be like a xoloitzcuintli dog and lose all her hair? Does she have rabies? No, she had her rabies shot last month...

It's not like Hannah hadn't been transformed in front of her. They'd been living together for three months. Her mind ran a mile a second as the two walked across the parking lot. Once they were in the car, Hannah gripped the steering wheel and looked at her feet for a moment with a giant sigh.

"Alright, so there's this thing that can happen with my transformations and stuff. If you know like how a lot of mammals go into heat? That kinda happens to me..." Hannah laid her head on the steering wheel, and Sylvia could hear the click of her eyebrow piercing as she made contact with the wheel.

Sylvia breathed a sigh of relief. She was worried it was something huge. Hannah continued,

"It's likely gonna happen tonight. I'll transform, and even though I basically lose all my IQ points, I'll still know you're my partner. The thing with this is that I'll be pretty convinced we're gonna have pups. I might be a lot more clingy, try and make a 'den' for us out of like blankets and stuff, and...well, you can kinda pick up on other stuff." The poor butch was pink in the face and looked like she wanted to be sucked into the ground, "Look, I don't expect you to do anything different. If you wanna go stay with your parents or something for tonight, I get it. Just make sure the door is locked so I don't run out and get ran over by a car or something." She sounded almost sad, she had that quality to her voice but Sylvia could tell she was embarrassed.

Sylvia smiled a little at Hannah, "That's it? I don't mind staying at all. Why didn't you tell me about this, though? We've been together for nearly four years." She tried her best not to upset Hannah, but she did feel a little hurt that she was never told. Hannah had seen her in much worse states, and she didn't even get a cool wolf form!

Hannah sighed, sitting back up and playing with her hoodie strings. "It hasn't happened since we moved in together, and usually I'd be at home and just make a little den in my closet. My mom said I'd get really antsy after we'd gotten together and tried looking for you. It's just really embarrassing."

Sylvia placed a little kiss on her cheek, tipping up Hannah's head so she'd look at her. "You have nothing to be embarrassed about babe, and I'm staying with you tonight." She gave her girlfriend a hug, letting Hannah start the car and drive them home. "Also, that bit about you looking for me is really fucking cute."

Long after they arrived home, the two were hanging out in their bedroom. Sylvia had Hannah laying on her lap but noticed her squirming. She looked up from her fanfiction and found Hannah pulling at the hoodie she was wearing.

"You okay darling?" She asked, running a hand over Hannah's hair, and she looked up at her with an uneasy expression.

"I-I need to get up. Is it getting dark out?" Hannah stood up, pulling off her hoodie. Sylvia looked at the scarred, pale, gangly butch in front of her.

Hannah's ribs easily poked from her skin, the lycanthropy burns off fat fast, and the constant shift in muscle mass didn't help. She had massive scars down her sides, Sylvia remembered the day Hannah got them. She had been trapped in her clothes mid transformation and ended up clawing off her shirt. Hannah's jagged top surgery scars were on display too, a transformation had burst the stitches, causing them to heal strangely. Her legs were covered in bruises, but those could barely be seen past her body hair.

"It is, fuck!" She saw the moon coming into view out of the window. She pulled off her shorts, afraid of her clothes being destroyed or trapped on her. The first patches of black fur coming in up her spine. Sylvia got up, placing a hand on Hannah's back.

"Baby, baby it's okay. I've got you." She said quietly, her lover's mouth and nose elongating and her teeth growing large and sharp. Hannah's muscles thickened as she keeled over onto the floor, Sylvia getting down to her level. There were groans that escaped her mouth like a wounded animal as her muscles tore and replaced themselves. Hannah's nails grew large, turning thick, black, and sharp. Her height increased to around seven feet, her now pointed ears would brush the ceiling if she stood at her full height, each new inch accompanied by pops from her joints as nearly two feet were added. "That's it, good girl, you're doing so good." Sylvia kept cuddling her love, Hannah groaning and howling as her legs stretched out, knees twisting and popping as her hands and feet grew paw pads as they morphed into paws.

"H-hurts..." She groaned, hiding her face in her girlfriend's shoulder. A tail inched itself out of her back, covering itself in black fur. Her back hunched and cracked, the rest of her body covered in thick fur. It was done, and Hannah looked like she was on the verge of fainting. She looked up at her girlfriend with big brown eyes, her tongue poking from her mouth.

"There we go, it's all done. You did so good Hannah." Sylvia cooed at the wolfified Hannah. The wolf butch started pressing her snout to Sylvia's lips, as if trying to kiss her. "Aww, you want kisses pup?"

"K-kiss..kiss!" Hannah's voice was scratchy and groaning, and her words were unnatural sounding. Sylvia kissed her deeply, Hannah's tail wagged like crazy, her nails scraping down Sylvia's back and tearing her shirt.

"Ahh, careful with those claws baby~" She cooed, gently pushing the werewolf back a little. Hannah looked at her with big puppy eyes, clinging onto Sylvia and licking at her torn shirt and the exposed skin. She then rubbed her big ol head on the shaved parts of Sylvia's head. Sylvia chuckled a little, petting her head and standing up out of her girlfriend's grasp, "Now, I'm gonna grab a new shirt from the laundry room okay, can you be good for me?" She explained in a soft voice, scratching behind Hannah's ears. Hannah nodded, climbing up on the bed and stretching out. "Oooh biig stretch!" Sylvia praised as she stepped out of the room.

Sylvia sorted through some clean laundry, grabbing and putting on a new thick shirt, then pulling on a leather jacket. "That should stay in one piece!" She thought out loud, though she may be thinking of leather armor from minecraft. Upon returning to the bedroom, one thing was wrong, she couldn't see Hannah. "Shit! Hannah?!" She called out, the blanket was off the bed, along with a few stuffed animals and a pillow. She turned to the closet, and there was a big ol wolf head poking out.

"Made...made nest!" Hannah grabbed Sylvia's sleeve with her teeth, pulling her in the closet, "Keep Syl-Sylvia safe!" Sylvia went inside, sitting between her girlfriend's legs. Hannah sat with her back against the wall, her tail thumping against it.

"Thank you sweetie, you're such a good girl." Sylvia gave Hannah a little kiss on her neck, which caused her to grab Sylvia tightly. "Oh my, someone got a bit excited from that~ Do you need me baby?" She asked teasingly, Hannah grabbed Sylvia's arm and put it between her thighs. "Someone's forward~ Poor baby, can't take care of yourself huh? Big sharp claws~" She cooed, petting her lover's head. Hannah hid her face with one of her big handpaws.

Hannah whined, trying to rub herself on Sylvia's hand. "Need Sylvia.." Sylvia's heart nearly melted at that, and how could she say no to that sweet little face? She slowly starting running her fingers up Hannah's warm slit. Hannah's maw opened, revealing two rows of impossibly sharp teeth and a long, dripping tongue. A small yip and whines coming out of her as she was rubbed. "Rrrgh~ Need. Need~"

"Shhh, it's okay. Just let me take care of you darling." Sylvia whispered, her fingers tracing circles around Hannah's clit, feeling her shake and twitch in her arms. "Good girl, such a good girl for me~" She slowly moved her middle finger down, pushing it inside. Hannah gripped her tighter, luckily she wasn't shredded due to the jacket and big shirt. "Oh dear, you really need me bad huh?"

Hannah's tail was wagging up a storm, and she shoved her snout into Sylvia's neck, her nose cold and wet against her skin. "Love...you, love Sylvia!~" She started licking her neck, her sharp teeth rubbing against Sylvia's skin.

Sylvia slowly curled her finger inside, focusing on her girlfriend's special spot. Hannah let out a loud whine when she found the right spot. Using her free hand, Sylvia scratched behind her ears. "Oh, you're such a sweet puppy, taking me so well~ You're so cute~" She couldn't help but praise her.

Hannah whined louder, as though she was trying to speak, but her transformed state and Sylvia's fingers inside her made it hard to say words.

"It's okay baby, no more thoughts~ You're just a cute, dumb puppy♡" Sylvia slowly slipped in a second finger, laying kisses on her girlfriend's snout. "Poor baby, you just want me in you forever, huh? Just full of my fingers like the dumb puppy you are?" She teased, scratching just the right spot behind Hannah's ears to cause her jaw to drop open and any thoughts to drain from her head.

"Haah~" Hannah could only make noises at this point. Her brain turned to mush as she got closer and closer to orgasm. She kept wagging her tail, tongue hanging from her mouth as she was talked at, barely processing a thing said to her.

"You close baby? You gonna make a mess of yourself?" Sylvia teased her. The big, strong werewolf a whining mess in her arms. "You gonna cum for me darling?"

Hannah tensed up, her tail going stiff and straight as she came all over Sylvia's hand, howling and moaning as her claws nearly pierced her girlfriend's jacket. She started drooling a little, letting out a low growl. "Haah~ Feel good~" She groaned, her tail wagging weakly.

Sylvia laid a little kiss on Hannah's nose, then spread her fingers to show how wet they are. "How about you clean up your mess sweetie?" She cooed, Hannah leaning forward and licking Sylvia's fingers clean. "Good puppy, thank you baby." She cooed, scratching under Hannah's chin.

Hannah pulled Sylvia in, holding her to her chest. Sylvia snuggled into her fur, sighing contently. "You're so soft honey." She could hear Hannah's heartbeat, she nearly fell asleep it was so relaxing.

Hannah hugged Sylvia tightly, her tail beating off the floor. "Happy..." she cooed, licking her girlfriend's neck and head.

"I love you baby~" Sylvia said, and Hannah's tail could bore a hole in the wall with the speed it was hitting.

I'm copying this and later another story from my wattpad, if you got monster requests let me know.

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alexaloraetheris · 1 year ago

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I juat remembered the day, about two months ago, when I went to renew my perscription and ended up derailed by some kind of divine influence that really, really wanted my help. 😂

So I have an appointment at 9. First thing I do is sleep in because my alarm simply did not ring. First time that happened. I cursed out the damn phone and ordered a taxi, which I had specifically hoping to avoid because of the traffic congestion.

My driver is a woman a bit older than me, and she's in a good mood so we chat. She told me she was thinking of moving to [city on the coast] because taxi drivers are paid better there, and I tell her I have family there, we comment on what it's like to drive in a city essentially built into three hills and a cliff. She mentiones she has scoliosis, and it sometimes impacts her ability to sit in a car for long periods of time. I had scoliosis as well, but I had managed to fix it with exercises almost completely so I recommended my physical therapist, and assured her it's not too late, because some of the people in my therapy group were even older than her. When she let me off she thanked me for the help.

Feeling good that, even if I had to pay out the nose for the ride, I got there in time and even managed to do a good deed. I rush in, tell the reception guy I'm here to see my doctor and settle in to wait.

Two hours later, I see people being called in but not my name. I ask why, and doctor looks at me blankly and says I'm not in the system. I have to tell the reception I've arrived so I show up on his schedule.

I'm mentally cursing out the entire hospital, but I wasn't raised by wolves. I thank the doctor, politely tell the different receptionist that the last guy probably didn't hear me when I told him my appointment, got added in and went back to wait.

Ten minutes later, a visibly nervous girl with freshly printed papers sits in the waiting room. I'm in a bit of a mood, but I'm also a firm believer in helping if I can. I paste on a smile and ask 'First time?' and she admits she just got sent here for a potential ADHD diagnosis and she had no idea what to do. Having been there and knowing exactly how hard it was to do it on your own, I gave her the number of the psychologist who made my diagnosis, assured her that the psychiatrist she was here to see is the same one I have and that he's a good guy, explained what ADHD actually was and how the meds work. She was neraly crying with relief by the time I was done, and I promised she could send me questions if she needs to.

I finally, finally go in for my appointment in a slightly better mood, only for my psychiatrist to tell me Concerta is no longer imported, I have to go on some other meds and for that I need my family doctor to sign off on a regular perscription instead of getting an Rx perscription from him.

This is the worst case scenario, because I do NOT want my mother, who thinks ADHD was invented by quack American psychologists to sell expensive meds to parents with unruly children, to know I have ADHD. So I mentally curse out the entire healthcare system, go to the family doctor and explain the situation, that my mother absolutely CANNOT know about my diagnosis. Even though the doctor was not aware of my diagnosis so far, she listens attentively, and we make sure that my mom can't check the insurance we're both under to see what meds I'm on or that if she checks my name in the pharmacy directory she can't see me either.

I thought I handled that situation rather well but I must have looked more worried than I thought, because the doctor admitted her high-school age granddaughter had been asking questions about psychologists and antidepressants and she had so far been dismissive. But if she really needs help, she might do the same thing I did and seek help on her own, and my doctor realized she ought to either change her attitude fast or be left in the dark while her granddaughter is struggling. So I told her which psychologist I went to when I was also a depressed high schooler and how it helped and what I would have wanted my family to keep in mind. She thanks me and hands me a new perscription and sends me on my way.

So by now I am starting to notice a pattern.

Now, I'm actually an atheist, and I have 'Culturally Catholic' as a flaw and a laundry list of Stuff(TM) I have had to unlearn, but sometimes I really wonder if Someone Up There looked at me that day and thought:

"Hmm, looks like I have three problems I can solve with one well-positioned dumbass. Time to ruin her day for the good of the world!"

I mean. Happy to help but I really hope ruining my day won't be necessary next time.

#adhd #sometimes a god coopts you for the greater good #and you do what you gotta do

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selfpositiveundertale · 3 months ago

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Long post.

TW: car accident

Hey everyone. I'm not doing great.

I've already been having a hard time with migraines getting absolutely out of hand and interfering with literally everything in my life, but yesterday I had my first car accident. The meme I just posted is relevant. It was my fault but thankfully only me in the vehicle. Other than bruised knees(I'm short so I had the seat pulled up close so I could reach the pedals) and some mild rug burns where the air bag got me on my left hand and my neck (I had instinctively raised my arms to protect my face), I don't think I was injured in any way my chiropractor couldn't fix. Definitely jarred my entire skeleton and dislocated some ribs and messed up my neck but what else is new. I didn't hit my head and nothing hurts in any way I'm not already deeply familiar with. Surprisingly I haven't gotten a migraine yet but I'm fully expecting one soon.

Really good thing I wasn't wearing my sunglasses. I lost the pendent off my necklace though. It must have broken off when the air bag blew and then fallen into the road when I got out of the vehicle.

My vehicle is totaled. Not a great loss since the thing was on its last legs anyway but it sucks not having my own transportation now, even if I could only drive in town and couldn't leave town because it wouldn't make it far on the interstate. It would start shaking like a leaf any time I went over 50 mph and I didn't like that. I'm really sore and tired and shaken up but I'm getting through it.

My husband came immediately when I called him and he talked to the car insurance company and called his boss to take the rest of the day off work so he could be with me.

The people in the other car were mostly okay other than the man having a cut on his forehead and his wife having a scraped knee but both of their babies were completely unharmed, thank goodness. Nobody was mad at me, possibly because I was hysterical panicking inconsolable and kept apologizing and asking if they were okay. They were also on their way to the car dealership to see about getting a new vehicle anyway, so I think they'll be fine.

I made an appointment with my chiropractor this morning and he checked everything and basically said I was in pretty bad shape but not really any worse than usual, which was a great relief but not surprising. He fixed the ribs, my shoulder blades, neck, and hands and gave me some samples of a supplement he said might help the soreness. I'm also taking my painkillers, OTC pain medicine, and applying arnica cream to the bruises.

I've been so tired and sore and haven't been up to doing much of anything except eating my feelings but I'm making sure my pets get fed and helping my husband get ready for work in the morning. I don't think I'll be able to meal prep anything for him like I normally do and he says it's okay, he's not expecting anything of me if I don't feel up to it and he doesn't mind buying his breakfast and lunch.

I fear the financial repercussions of this, especially since things have already been very tight due to several sudden veterinary expenses. The cat gods looked at us and went "kittens upon you and your household" so in the last 4 weeks there have been 2 vet visits for a tiny baby runt of a kitten my husband found alone and abandoned at his workplace, one for a very pregnant stray kitty that followed a family member home and popped out 7 babies, and one for my dog when she caught a UTI. We think she's over it by now but I'm taking her back to the vet Friday for a recheck. It's been hard with her because she's been refusing to eat her dry food and we've been having to buy wet food as well as chicken breast and white rice and alternating between the wet food and a bland diet when the antibiotics made her tummy upset. I'm really hoping that by Friday I'll be brave enough to drive. The vet isn't far and my mom is going to let me take her old car for whatever I need until we manage to get me another used vehicle.

I know the car insurance is going to go up because of the crash even though now there's one less vehicle on it, and I'm praying to the heavens that I don't have to actually go to a doctor and get checked out because of the crash.

I need to see a doctor anyway about the migraines that are now coming several times a week and affecting me in unsettling ways like impairing my speech, making me nauseous when I use my eyeballs for their intended purpose, and even made me collapse once. But the clinic I usually go to because the price is income based is in the next town and I'd definitely have to have my husband take time off work to take me. I also fear they'll refer me to a neurologist. I'm certain I need to see one but since I don't have health insurance and the process for getting financial assistance at any given specialist office is (probably deliberately) incredibly difficult and tedious and almost not even worth the effort, it just doesn't seem feasible at this time.

I am trying to make things to stock my Etsy shop so I can make some money but at the moment I just don't have the energy for it. But maybe I should try anyway. The simple repetitive action of crocheting while listening to a book or Old Gods Of Appalachia might help me settle down and feel more normal. My hands ache but my compression gloves might help.

Things are just extremely scary and very painful right now. Staying determined is hard but I'm trying. I'm trying so hard.

❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

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peoples-problem · 7 months ago

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So, I'm in that stage of making everything around me about 9-1-1 and I got my driver's license last week after months and months of getting prepared and seeing the different reactions my family had around it so I thought: What if Chris wants to learn to drive at some point? How are the rest of their family members going to react?

I know he is like 12 now but if the seasons keep on coming we might get a 17 year old Christopher and if they decide to share this kind of experience I would happily cry so here is a list of types of reactions I got from my family and who I think will match it in the show:

- Supportive borderline forcing: This was the first reaction I got from my grandparents when the topic of me learning how to drive came up, they did a lot of research and even paid my classes with some accommodations for me to be as comfortable as I could with this, even when I got to the point of the anxiety getting to much and wanted to quit my grandma sat next to me while driving and gave me tips and never allowed me to stop (it felt a little like forcing me to keep going, she insisting that she is getting old and would like me to drive her places at some point, but it was all a joke and if I really wanted to they would have no problem with me not getting my license, they did the same with my sister and she never sat in a car after the classes they also paid because she didn't like it) and they are basically the reason why I have a driver's license now. They insisted it was for my independence and, worst case scenario, to have it in case of emergencies. They gave me their car to practice and stayed with me all the way.

For this, I'll like to say abuela or Pepa could take this place, if only for the fact that it was my grandparents that did it for me, but I also feel this all screams Buck, so maybe him too.

- Having problems giving up control: Yes, it sounds bad but let me explain. This was my mom. She insisted that she wanted me to learn but almost cried the first time I was living for my first class and made me doubt a little bit if I was ready or not. The first time I drove with my family I made the mistake of having her in the passenger seat and the second the car moved an inch she screamed like if we were about to crash and everyone agreed that she isn't allowed in the passenger seat when she is not driving because she stresses the driver with her stress. This is the kind of person that acts like if you were in a racing car when you are going like 20km/h, graving themselves to the seat and walls of the car, over indicating stuff ("There's a car coming from your right, let them pass", "The light is red, you have to stop", etc) that the driver already knows but it comes from a place of having to trust other people with things you already know how to do, specially if you know they don't have as much experience as they do. It's the most annoying type of people to have next to you while learning but they also have the best tips and would spend hours explaining how to improve some things (she taught me all about priority, like in an intersection who should pass first, some parking tips, to listen to the car)

This is completely Eddie, I'm sorry but I feel like he is the type of doing stuff on his own and won't trust anyone else unless they have more experience than he does, which is why he would trust Buck having in consideration he drove a lot and even then it took him some time to get relaxed with him (this is hc but idk)

- Learning with you and sharing tips: My sister, her boyfriend and I started driving classes at the same time, the same instructor came to our house (they live next to my house so ha basically spent an hour with each of us and picked up the next one in the same place, it was really handy for him too) and took us for a drive but we had 5 classes to learn the basics and then it was all practice on our own until the exam (which, by the way, we got the appointment for 4 fucking months later so we had to do a lot more practice on our own that we would have liked) so we basically experienced the streets together. Because we were learning at the same time, we would notice some stuff that may be normal for experienced drivers but it wasn't for us and we shared with each other to know what to do (like, reference points while parking, how to talk to other drivers with the lights to thank them or indicate to them that they should pass you) and being overall the moral support that understands what you are going through.

This could probably only be Harry or Denny, bc they are around the same age, but it's nice to have at least someone like this at the start so if this does happen in the show at some point I would like Chris to have someone like I did.

- Someone who recently got their license: this is similar to the other one but it's not someone learning with you but teaching you what is going to happen. Most of the time is useful but can also scare you because they talk about the exam they have to pass and you think "There's no way in hell I'm passing that" but it also guides you to what to get better at. They might remember more about the theoretical or practical exam but they have tips that are always welcome.

I feel like this would be May but literally anyone that remembers the type of exam they took is useful and the more povs they provide the more confusing it is because the exams vary depending on where you take them so it's a lot of "prepare of everything" kind of thing but it allows to clear some doubts and can be a "You are going to do great anyway" kind of support although I also got it from people younger than me that was basically like "oh, you haven't got it already? When I did?" And it feels kind of bad but no experience is always 100% good so idk, feels like a need to have

- Being supportive from afar: This goes to family members that kept constantly checking on me and my progress during the first lessons because my closest family love to brag about little things and achievements so there was the usual call with someone I haven't seen in years and them asking how I was doing, depending on my will to share or the kind of relationship I have with them I would have lied saying that I was going fine and sharing something I learned ("I haven't crashed yet so it's good" or "I had to maneuver between parked cars and a patrol car, I think i did a good enough job there") or be honest and say I'm not liking it a lot (this almost never happened but I did the "I want to quit because they want me as a chauffeur" or "I probably won't drive much, I'm just doing this to day I have the knowledge to do so, like learning a language that I won't use because I don't know anyone that talks it")

This would definitely be the Diaz parents or sisters only that they would specifically call to ask about it instead of casually asking on a call that wasn't about the driving in on itself. I feel like Helena and Ramon might ask out of worry and to be sure that this is a good idea because they do not trust Chris specifically but that's because I don't like them a lot so it might not be like that and they are actually supportive.

I also got a few people mansplaining and amazed that I was driving just because I'm a woman, which won't happen to Chris bc of that but might happen bc of the CP and it's annoying but it's life (I had a few males stop me while learning how to park specifically that gave me tips while I clearly had my mom with her 30 years of experience but they probably think they know better and so they explained me how to do it themselves, and I had a neighbor stop my grandma and go "Oh I'm so in favor of women driving" that sounded a little bit too much as clarifying that you are an ally just to get attention and like she owned the street I was parking on and wouldn't allow me to do it if I wasn't a woman fighting against patriarchy only for driving (which I'm not and I have that it's still a novelty that woman drive but that's off the topic)) so he probably would get people minimizing him, very ableist, and faking support just to have a little bit of spotlight. I hope that this kind of people didn't exist but if they are none of the main characters would be them so this is just the negative mention for someone that won't be there for long.

I think I'm rambling too much now so I hope you see my vision, I just was very overwhelmed while learning how to drive and seeing how everyone does so so effortlessly was kind of annoying and triggered a little bit of impostor syndrome bc maybe driving isn't for me if I struggle so much, but it would be nice to have him learning and it not being a perfect "sit down in the driver seat, now you are free to go anywhere" like everyone makes it to be and this show likes to do that kind of stuff a lot so here's my confort hc for now <3

#I would also love some of this happening in cannon #I would love to write a fic about this #christopher diaz #9-1-1 #911 abc #911 #9 1 1 #911 fandom #eddie diaz #evan buckley #personal experience

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goth-mami-writer · 7 months ago

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A post about my life lately.

(If you fucking care ✌️🫠)

⚠️Tw: There's some mentions in this that may stir certain emotions regarding✨️pro-choice✨️mindsets (abortion) and vomiting. So if you think that's gonna upset you, don't interact pls. Thx.⚠️

Soooooooo-

I've been away. And here's why without being theatrical - I found out I was pregnant again. And....I wasn't happy.

I'm a mom to 1 already and...I knew that I couldn't do it again. It's hard, to be as frank as I can. The physical effect of pregnancy on the body is something...I despise? I had awful, TERRIBLE sickness the first time anddd fuck, it was the same this time.

Yeah, no. You can go ahead and count me out.

Well- Were you using BiRtH CoNtrOl?!, you may ask?

Yes. Abso-fuckin-lutely. I had an IUD inserted two months after I had my first kid. Cause FUCK THAT. I knew I didn't want another. My son's awesome. Being his mom is my reason for living. But pregnancy is not for me.

So- this being the decision, I fucking called the one person I goddamn trust and that's Mera. ❤️ @short-honey-badger

And bitch, did we plan a trip. We had to drive OUT OF OUR STATE TO RECEIVE THE CARE NECESSARY. (That's a topic for another day tho t-.-t )

✨️Anyways,✨️ Mera is a badass and drove me to said appointment as I'm fighting the most debilitating nausea. All I could stand to eat without vomiting was fucking popsicles and slushies. So yum at 5 am, BTW.

~But here's where shit gets wild~

I show up, ready to have this done. Get on with my life. Maybe start writing again because I know that I'll feel better. The nurses and staff were incredible and sweet. But there was one problem.....my IUD was out of place, they tell me.

Okay? I knew that, right? Obviously, that's why it didn't work and I got pregnant. Makes sense.

NONONONO. I'm laying on a table out of my home state, laughing gassed out of MY FUCKING MIND, with a lady doctor telling me in the calmest demeanor that she can that I need FUCKING ✨️EMERGENCY SURGERY✨️

LIKE. HOW DO YOU REACT...TO THAT?

So...the staff is obviously letting me recover from the procedure- THE ONE I JUST HAD. and now I'm being fed all this medical jargon basically saying that if I didn't receive surgery, this IUD was gonna tear its way into my other organs because it was already embedded in the muscle tissue of my abdomen.

Fucking AWESOME.

Luckily, all these people were contracted to the local hospital in this city and they were going to let them know I was coming over and all that good jazz, but I basically needed to get over there. Like...now. RIGHT NEOW. 💀

So then it's me and Mera just navigating parts of a city that we just DO NOT fucking know, trying to get me to said hospital where this surgery needed to take place. It wasn't far but goddamn this hospital had absolute SHIT parking. It was a monster to fucking navigate as well. Luckily, I was on some good pain meds that were keeping me kinda stable, but ooohhhh, not for long.

We get checked into the ER and yeah, I started HURTING. Not to mention also, viciously nauseous once again. But this time, because I hadn't eaten anything since 5am and I was told that it would basically be fucking ILLEGAL for me to eat again until I got off this operating table.

Fucking. AWESSOMMEE.

(I thought you said it was an emergency, why didn't they have you in OR yet??)

I HAD TO WAIT FOR THESE MFS TO GET THERE, HOLD ON.

My particular case needed staffing of crazy ass doctors to oversee this procedure. I swear to God, I met like 5 people in the four hours that I sat in the emergency room before being prepped for surgery.

I was rolled out for testing like four different times! All kinds of shit just being shot into my IV while I'm still fucked up on the first dose of morphine that's still whooping my ass in and out of consciousness as Mera is at my bedside like,

"O.o u okay?" (Bc she's an angel that stayed with me during the entirety of this fucking insanity like T-T)

FINALLY. I got into my fucking surgery. It went fine, everything is fine. But goddamn, I'm exhausted. Mera was exhausted. We'd been up for almost 24hrs at this point in the day and now I'm finally being admitted into an actual room for post-op recovery.

That next morning before my discharge, I was let know the gravity of my situation and things like that. I was reassured that nothing I did caused this IUD to move. And that meant one thing-

It was never inserted correctly in the first place.

✨️So✨️ let me be the first one to tell you- please. For the love of FUCK. Go get your IUD checked. Via fucking ultrasound.

Don't let that sassy nurse stick a speculum in your fuggin hoo-haa and tell you she can see the strings so you're good.

Guess what? EVERYONE SAW MY STRINGS TOO.

Check your IUD!!! Or you're gonna be knocked up, getting a little pregnancy✨️deletion✨️ in a strange state where a really nice lady doctor is gonna tell you that you're like weeks away from internally bleeding and need dire abdominal surgery to prevent that. And all you're gonna have is your bestfriend who you feel terrible for bc she didn't sign up for any of this bullshit. But there you are, passed out on morphine, hungry, confused, nauseous and WAITING FOR SURGEONS.

GO TO THE GYNECOLOGIST. NEOW. 💀

#love my moots #moots

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hell-is-a-teenage-girll · 1 year ago

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Rant about my health and life coming it's alot so only do it if you're interested and also very important TW mention of end of life.

I am going to the hospital again tomorrow.

I had a break down last night. Saying I can't do it anymore.

If it wasn't for my cats, I would end it all.

Being in pain 24/7 drives you crazy.

I've been in survival mode so much that even certain organs don't function the way they should.

For people who maybe don't know. Our instincts come from back in the days where we had to maybe flee from a big animal for example. And when you have to survive, you can't get tired, because you need to run. You can't get hungry, cause you need to run. You can't feel happy or anything, because you can only think of survival.

I started to notice my morphine didn't do anything, neither did anything I took after. One day I took morphine, muscle relaxer, sleeping pills, and I felt NOTHING. No pain relief, not feeling high.

I also had my chronic migraines again, my period again. (I take meds for the chronic migraine and have to take the pill for my endometriosis)

Turns out I have gastric paralysis from the situation I'm in. So my meds didn't go in my blood etc, just straight through the body. Which is why nothing worked. I now need medication to to make my stomach work to.. Take my medication..

I have a depression again. I am $uicidal.

I won't hurt myself don't worry, I wouldn't leave my cats. My partner, best friends, my mom are also all suffering from my condition. As in it pains them to see this all and they care.

A condition doesn't only affect the person who feels it. But also the environment.

I went in this procedure with pain on 26th of September, and because it went wrong, I also came out of it with pain.

In total now when it comes to my face, I've been in pain and surviving for 6months now.

I am done. I need either a period that they say okay we'll give it 2 more months and then we really need to take steps, or give me pain relief NOW.

But just hearing '' it can take up to months until the nerves fix themselves, it could be okay '' doesn't cut it. Because sure they can heal in their own time, but I cannot be in pain for all those months? This isn't humane.

And then the doctor of the hospital called this morning after my mom reached out to them saying it can't continue like this. And we said specifically let the doctor call my mom. But then my phone rings, they called me. And I hear

'' - what do you want me to do..''

'' - I think it's important just to get you calm right now. ''

But I can come by tomorrow. With my mom because the issue is I am scared to stand up for myself and will say to quickly '' it's okay''. And it's not. Which is why we wanted them to talk to my mother.

After that call, I called my mom crying that they are pushing these meds on me that have a shit ton of side effects, I already take 7 pills a day (now even 10). And they wanna add more.

I don't wanna become a '' junkie'' depending on the morphine. Because i' m scared I often just sit through the agonizing pain. But if I don't get decent pain relief, I will have to dependant on it. Because if I have to do this for more months.. I am scared I will do something stupid eventually that will be unreturnable.

My best friend told me yesterday '' you have no quality of life. ''

And it's true. And he hates it, and I hate it aswell.

My mom then called to my doctors office (GP) the secretary picked up. She told me afterwards that she was crying to her that it's an emergency to please let her talk to my doctor. And they did. My mom also cried during that conversation. And my doctor agreed, it's going to far, someone needs to help. So he moved heaven and earth to say it like that and got me an appointment with another neurologist in another hospital, the 15th of January. It normally takes months. But he made it happen. And I swear.. This man.. Saved my life more times then he knows.

I am very nervous for tomorrow tho and if they will do something or just tell me again '' sorry it happened I wish I could do something but most likely after months it will heal. '' I feel rage, cause it's easy to say that when you aren't feeling it.

Today I also broke down at my chiropractor.

She said I looked pale. I said I had been crying for 2 days now. And when I told her that I felt suicidal, she said '' no no no, if you ever feel like you're gonna do something, you call me okay?? " and I cried and she hugged me. And then sat with me to talk. And she wants to take me out on walks in her private time.

I also have my psychologist tomorrow, she is also fighting to help me. Last time she literally took me in on the weekend in her private time.

I am glad for my support. But I just can't anymore.. The pain is driving me crazy. Which is also scientifically proven. Your brain changes.

So again, the fact that my content has changed so much is because of that.

Because I am not me.. Not anymore.

But hopefully I will find a way. Even just a little.

If you read all this, wow. You're a star. And thank you ❤️

And eventho I prefer not to let people see me this way. It's the truth, it's how bad it is, it's not pretty, I don't sleep, barely eat, don't feel feelings of fun, my skin is bad,.. But it's me. And because I love you guys, most of you are so lovely so it's only fair to share.

Love you.

#My illness #Chronic pain #Trigeminal neuralgia #Operation gone wrong #Facial pain #nerve pain #Chronic illness #My text

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bunnyseahorse-blog · 9 months ago

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I don’t feel like my therapist is listening, so I fired him, and I don't even feel bad.

I have half a dozen serious mental illness diagnosis and medical issues. When I applied for disability I was approved in three months (usually takes longer from what I'm told) and almost immediately moved from their metaphorical “she might get better” to “she’s going to be receiving benefits for life” pile.

The doctor I saw from age 7 to 30 advised me not to drive because of my condition that causes me frequent fainting.

She suggested I not live alone because I have delusions, mood swings and sometimes need to be hospitalized. I saw this doctor for 23 years, and also went to other specialists that agreed with her. I saw her until she was retired.

My general doctor says that even though I am overweight she is pleased with my glucose and cholesterol levels. My old, and also my new psychiatrists agreed with her.

My parents say I can live with them and have support. They are actually creating an expansion on the house so I can live on my own sort of and still have them nearby. My eldest sibling is inheriting the house when my parents die and they will rent to me until I die. We don't always get along, but I am trying, and we are navigating our unique dynamic so we can make it work.

This new therapist I’ve been seeing keeps insisting I go off disability, get a job, move out of my family’s house, live alone, and lose weight. Because I’m too old to “mooch off my parents.” He made comments from the get go about my weight. I am overweight yes, but he's not a doctor or nurtritionist. I am not experiencing any health issues because of my weight, which is partly due to my medical conditions and my meds. He made a comment once that i should show some pride in myself and not wear a beanie to sessions "do something nice with my hair." He told me once my shoulders looked smaller and I must be doing better. I was thinking.... do I have fat shoulders too??

I am going to a session today to explain to him nicely that he needs to let me set my own goals, and also educate him on how my life really is. I don’t think therapists should require educating. If he doesn’t get it, I’m leaving the session but I’m giving it a shot anyways.

I’m scared and I’m angry. Wish me luck? I don't want to be a project for him. I want to talk about things in sessions that i need to, not what he considers on his own agenda.

EDIT: I went to the session and voiced my concerns about he got a little defensive, but eventually seemed to see what i was saying and switched his focus to what I told him my goals were. However... I wanted a therapist to help me work through my abandonment issues and trauma, not a life coach to push me. I think i might find someone with a different focus is good. (plus him getting defensive isn't a great sign to me) he also insinuated that my little sister, who he has heard off, never met and never examined, is mentally handicapped because of one of her birth parents. We've had her tested, and everyone seems to be saying she's very sharp and doesn't have what her birth mom has. He also asked what my doctor of 23 years even did for me. I was like... diagnosed me with everything I have? Oh but according to him, diagnoses aren't relevant. I have a condition similar to schizophrenia, and yes you should know if you have that....

Also... I signed something saying he could have access to the last notes of my previous therapist, since I have extensive history but he apparently never got it, never told me he didn't get it, and wants me to go through the process again. I feel like the office dropped the ball, because I signed it already.

I think it might be time to move on... I canceled my next appointment. I feel like I should be able to find someone who listens better, and is there to help me, not fix me into things I am not capable of. Having him insist I am wrong and lazy for excepting my limitations, after the long grieving process that came with becoming permanently disabled at 26, has been upsetting, because I keep doubting myself, even though I know I have done the right things.

#Therapy #Personal post #mental heath #disability

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summerlycoris · 14 days ago

Text

Is it really a birthday party if you wake up in a hospital?

Chapter 18- I had my cake. I ate it. It ate me too.

Ao3 link- here

Chronological link- here

Well, Cassie couldn't dodge this bullet anymore. She was due to have her second appointment with Ms Tyrian. Except this time, she'd be meeting her at her home. Because Ms Tyrian was working from home- being a Friday, her kids only had a half day. So it made sense for her to be home for them.

Mom was laying some ground rules on the drive over- she had other stuff to do, so she'd be dropping Cassie off, then picking her up later.

"Be polite. Don't do anything there that you wouldn't do at home. And don't leave the house until I get there. Ring me when you're done with your appointment, okay?"

"Yes, I will."

"Good."

Mom drove into a large yard, and pulled up near a kinda rundown house. The yard was muddy dirt and scraggly wet grass, from last night's storm. Full of sun-bleached toys, and various equipment. The kind you'd find out in rural areas. Plus a huge shed out back, visible from the street. Which made sense- this house was in Virgin. Cassie hadn't expected a therapist to live in a place like this.

Cassie went to get out, grabbing her crutches. But Mom called out from the front seat. "Cassie, you're just going to slip over, or track mud through the house. I'll carry you to the porch."

That just made Cassie feel like a baby-

"No- I'll be careful. And I'll take my shoes off so I won't track mud, either." She had to go quickly, before Mom could come around and get her. Which… kinda meant putting 'careful' on the backburner. But she was up, and shutting the car door by the time Mom had gotten to her. "See? I can do it."

Mom just shook her head, and clicked her teeth. "Okay, come on then."

She got over there carefully, trying to avoid the muddier parts of the yard. With every step, her crutches and shoes would slightly sink into the ground. Which made things harder. Luckily, they didn't have far to travel before the porch. Cassie slipped off her shoes, while sitting on a little bench out front. But she couldn't do much about her crutches. "Umm…" She could feel Mom staring at her with a 'you should've listened to me' look.

"I've got some tissues in the car, hang on."

She retrieved the tissues from the glove box, and gave some to Cassie. "Thanks, Mom." She started wiping down the ends of her crutches. Mom started wiping up the soles of her shoes, which confused Cassie.

She asked why, and Mom told her. “You'll need to wear your shoes with your brace, unless you want to damage it.”

… That made sense. Sometimes, she was still surprised when she had to wear shoes.

Mom knocked on the door while Cassie put her sneakers back on.

By the time Cassie was done, the wooden door had been opened by two little girls- one blonde, one brunette. Both wearing witch costumes. They both looked the same age- maybe eight years old? The wire door was still shut. Cassie could hear a boy's voice inside, calling out about the door.

"What's the password?" Said the one on the right. The other just giggled into her hand.

"... Open sesame?" Mom suggested. Only to be met with more giggles.

"Nope! Can't come in!" Laughter now, as the girls shut the wooden door on them. Cassie could see Mom fuming, but she could hear bigger footsteps approaching.

"Gemma! Nikki! Stop driving away my clients!" There was the sound of a bunch of little feet running away, and then the wooden door opened again. This time, Ms Tyrian was there. "I'm sorry about that, Marcela. The girls can be a little mischievous."

"Oh, it's not a problem." Mom lied. Ms Tyrian didn't seem to notice, and let them in.

The house looked like a home full of kids. Toys everywhere in the living room, with the tv clearly playing some cartoon show, from the exaggerated noises. A few lounge chairs and a sofa over to the side, with a familiar boy laying on the floor reading to a young baby…

He looked up at them with a start, and yelled out "What are you doing here?! I haven't told you where I live yet!" While pointing at Cassie.

"Chris, be polite. She's here to see me."

He blushed, looking embarrassed. "It's just… sorry. Hi? Pardon the mess, um…"

"Chris- it's okay. I think your house looks cool." Because it did look cool- it may have been run down, but it looked like a family home. And Cassie liked those sorts of homes best.

"Um, okay. Thanks?" He seemed a little confused, and embarrassed, trying to hide some of the toys around him.

"Well, I just got finished with my last client." Ms Tyrian said, addressing Cassie. "Would you like to come with me? Marcela- are you waiting here or…?"

"Oh, sorry. I need to get to the shops before they start closing. Groceries wait for no one, Sophie." She joked. "I'll pick her up when she's done, she's got a phone to ring me up on."

Ms Tyrian nodded. "Well, okay then. I'll talk to you a bit later then. Cassie?" She motioned for Cassie to follow.

Cassie waved bye to her Mom, before going with Ms Tyrian. She needed to be a bit careful going through the house, because the hallway beside the living room, leading up to the office, was fairly narrow. But, it was only narrow once they got past two doors facing each other. And only because there were cupboards, and little tables along the sides. At the end of the hallway was a door, labeled ‘Mom's office- stay out unless you're on fire.’

"Nikki made that sign- she thought it was hilarious. And well… she's not wrong." Ms Tyrian sighed. As they approached the door, a teenage boy opened it quietly. A few years older than Cassie, by the looks of it. With brown hair, blue eyes, and tanned skin. He started when he saw them walking towards him, then stared at Cassie.

He looked a little familiar-

"Were you sneaking around my office again? You cheeky boy- I thought you'd already gone home." She crossed her arms.

Ms Tyrian probably would've said more. Except there was a loud CRASH, and the sound of something breaking. Then a girl scream-crying, and another screaming "MAMAAAAA!"

Her face went pale, eyes wide, as she wheeled around and ran through a door near the front of the house. "What are you- oh Gemma! How did you get in here?" Cassie went to follow her, before feeling a hand on her shoulder.

She gasped- and nearly fell over, turning that quickly. It was that boy. "I'll go check- don't worry." He didn't wait for a response- just ran past her and into that room. Shutting the door behind him.

She didn't really know what to do- this wasn't her house, and she wasn't sure if Ms Tyrian would want her wandering around, even if it was to try and help. Besides, that boy was there now, too. So things should be okay?

The continuous, yet now muffled, screaming from the girls said otherwise.

“Cassie? Hey, Cassie?” She could faintly hear Chris calling out over the din, and carefully made her way back towards the living room.

Once she got there. Chris was sitting up holding the baby in his lap. He looked a bit confused. And frightened, from the way his face went even paler than usual.

“Do you know what’s going on?” He asked her.

"Uh, yeah, kinda? I think your sisters broke something and hurt themselves. Your Mom and another boy are in there, though.” she said, pointing in the rough direction.

She wasn’t sure what room it was. But he seemed to get it. He furrowed his brows a bit, and sighed. “They must’ve got into the kitchen. Mom probably left it unlocked again.” he looked back up at Cassie, while the baby fussed and tried reaching for his face.

Cassie kind of got the message- the kitchen was off limits to his sisters, and they’d hurt themselves in there. Possibly badly, from the way they were crying.

“Well, no one's yelled for an ambulance yet… your Mom and a older boy are in there with them. Is the older boy your brother?" she asked, rubbing her arm and feeling awkward.

He shook his head. "God no- I’ve got enough siblings! Sounds like Tony- he’s one of Mom’s clients, and he babysits sometimes. He must be working off the clock." he sighed, and rolled his eyes. "Well, um. Sorry again for being weird when you came over. I just wasn't expecting it at all. I didn't even know you were one of my Mom's clients."

Cassie laughed nervously. She wished shed been able to keep the fact she was seeing a shrink quiet. "Yeah, In your defense, I've only been to her once before. And that was at the hospital, so…" She changed the subject. "Is that little baby your brother? He looks really cute.”

"Oh no- my nephew. My sister's busy with schoolwork, so sometimes we look after him. His name's Danny- wanna come hold him?" he asked, holding him up slightly, so that she could grab him.

She nearly agreed, until Ms Tyrian poked her head out the (kitchen?) door. The noise of that door opening alerted Cassie, as she turned back to look at her.

The screaming had stopped, replaced with sobbing noises. "Cassie?” Ms Tyrian looked down the hallway, before seeing Cassie standing in the doorway leading to the living room. “I'm so sorry- I have to deal with this. Did you want to wait in my office? I shouldn't be long at all."

She nodded. Ms Tyrian shut the kitchen door again, and Cassie turned back to Chris. Who just clicked his tongue. "Sorry- can I come hold him afterwards?"

"Yeah, sure. He loves meeting new people- good way to socialize him, y'know? I'll see you after."

"I'll see you then." She said, before heading back into the hallway, and shutting the living room door. The office door was still open from where the boy had come through earlier.

She would've preferred to hang out with Chris, than sit there alone. But Mom had asked her to be polite.

She didn't want to cause more problems. By the looks of it, Ms Tyrian already had enough on her plate.

Ms Tyrian's home office was small, kinda cozy. With a filing cabinet and a full bookcase against the wall to her right. There was a computer on her desk, pressed against the left wall. And in the middle of the room were two chairs, facing each other with a rug in between. One chair was a couch, and the other was a lounge chair. The lounge chair was probably Ms Tyrian’s, so Cassie went and took a seat on the couch.

She waited for a bit, just looking around, until she decided to send some texts to Lawrence and Siobhan.

After a while, Cassie got distracted by the door creaking open. She put away her phone, and looked up at it- that boy from earlier was back. His eyes went wide as he saw her. "Um- hi? I'm allowed to be here." He said.

Well, that's suspicious. "Uh-huh. Sure you are."

He grinned sheepishly at her. "I am actually! Kind of… Ms Tyrian lets me hang around sometimes, to read the books." He pointed to the bookcase. "She doesn't want me hanging around all the time- it'd interfere with her job. But she's busy right now… do you mind me being here?"

"No, I don't. Just as long as you aren't setting up any secret cameras or something." She teased.

He laughed and shut the door behind him. "Oh no, don't worry- I'd never do that… or at least, I'd never be caught doing that." He joked, with a wink.

She couldn't help but laugh. He looked at her, a bit pensively. "Y'know, you look familiar… are you Cassie Oliveira?

That took her back. "Um, yeah, I am. Do I know you from somewhere…?"

He nodded, and went over to the bookshelf. "Yeah- from Greg's thirteenth birthday. You were there- he introduced you as a family friend."

That jabbed a shard of glass right into her heart. She'd thought he couldn't have hurt her anymore. "Family friend…"

Shows how much he thought of me.

His shoulders slumped, as he leant against the bookshelf, looking at her, arms crossed. "I'm guessing, from that, that you, uhh… have a complicated history with him?

She bit the inside of her cheek and looked at her lap. She didn't want to get into this. "Yeah. Guess you could say that."

He sighed. She looked up at him. He looked… relieved? What- "to be honest, I… get that. I have a bit of a complicated history with him, too." He looked at her confused look, then slapped himself in the face. "I haven't even introduced myself properly- you must think I'm a weirdo! My name's Tony Becker. I… used to be one of Greg's friends? Like I said, it's… complicated."

Used to?

Cassie relaxed a little. "Do you want to sit down for a bit? I don't think Ms Tyrian's gonna be here for a while." The crying had stopped. But that didn't mean whatever she had to ‘deal with’ was over.

He nodded, and sat down on the couch beside her. Moving the crutches that had leant up against that side, so he didn't knock them over.

For what felt like a while, neither of them knew what to say. Cassie chewed on her cheek, and Tony picked at a loose thread in his turtleneck sweater.

"We used to go to the same school. Probably still would've, if, y'know... We would work on projects together, and hang out after school."

"His Mom was my Mom's old college roommate. They'd been friends since forever. It just made sense we would be too. And we were. I think? I thought we were best friends. But best friends don't…" try to kill their best friends by cutting the elevator cables.

He stopped picking at his sweater for a bit, and pointed at Cassie's leg. "Did he do that to you?"

Her eyes went wide. Had she said too much? How does he know? She opened her mouth to ask him, but he interrupted- "I'm asking because, it wouldn't be the first time he's hurt a 'friend'." He pulled the turtleneck down, showing a faint, thin scar on his neck.

And her mind whirled in place. Like a wheel stuck in mud. She was sure her jaw had dropped. What could she possibly say to that? Because it was obvious what that line meant- Gregory tried to slit his throat? What the fuck?

That was… so much more personal than cutting an elevator's cables. You could drop someone's elevator, and never even hear them scream. But to cut someone's throat- that's a whole different kettle of fish.

It left her wondering if she really knew Gregory at all.

"I'm sorry for scaring you like that. Did you want me to stop talking about this?" Tony asked, letting the turtleneck slip back up. That helped bring her back to earth.

"No, you're not scaring me. It's just- that doesn't even make sense. What he did to me- there was some logic behind it." He didn't want to let that monster out. That monster that killed Janet. That nearly killed Andy and her friends. That nearly killed me. "That logic wasn't sound- it got out anyway-"

She stopped, and realized that Tony looked completely confused.

"... How about I start at the start?"

________

She told him everything. V.A.N.N.I Mask. AR world. Killer robot. Being tricked by the killer robot. Best friend. Betrayal. Two weeks under sedation. Six weeks of trying to get back any semblance of her normal life. Janet. Guilt. Anger.

"Like I said, the logic wasn't even sound. The monster just climbed through the fallen elevator to get out. So it didn't even matter. He didn't have to drop the elevator. He could have let me out. Maybe we could have done something about it, I don't know. But he didn't. He didn't…"

They'd gotten closer on the couch without Cassie realizing it. Until he wrapped her in a hug. "God, I don't know what to say to that…"

She didn't know what to say either. She just hugged him back. It felt like the world was hanging upside down- any minute now, everything she thought she'd known would fall away.

"... What I don't get is why he'd do that to you." She said.

He let go of her, and looked sheepish again. "Yeah- there was a weird logic behind what happened to me too. I was snooping around, trying to figure out something about the Pizzaplex. I ended up getting too close to unraveling something he was trying to hide. And that's when he tried to take me out. He invited me there, and we stayed later than usual- I lost track of time. He said he'd show me what was really going on…" Tony laughed, bitterly.

"He certainly did! First, he kept asking me to see Freddy with him. But I'd been suspicious of that bear earlier, so I refused. Then… he must've gotten desperate. He invited me into a weird little room, and… went for plan B." He looked down into his lap, Cassie just listened patiently. He'd listened to her, after all. “He tried to slit my throat first, then…” he looked like he wanted to say something, but thought better of it. “But it… none of it worked out for him. Things got really blurry. But I got away- he wasn't strong enough to do it I guess? I don't think he was expecting me to fight back. I had to sneak around, it seemed like every one of the performers was looking for me. By the time I got out to the entrance, it had locked down for the night. And all the staff had gone home." He went back to fidgeting with that loose thread.

"Why didn't you tell anyone?" She asked. "He could've been brought to justice- and 'my friend tried to kill me because I was too nosy' is a lot more believable than 'my friend cut the elevator cables to keep a terminator-thing down in the sinkhole'!" She just couldn't believe it- this could've been prevented. If Gregory was in Juvie, she'd have had no reason to believe he was at the pizzaplex in the first place!

She could've just stayed home and sorted out what movies she'd watch with Mom the next day-

He withdrew a bit, crossing his arms over his chest. "It's… it wasn't that simple. Like I said… It's complicated. Ms Tyrian should be back soon- I'll grab that book and get out of your hair-" Tony stood up, and went to go towards the bookshelf. But Cassie reached out, grabbing him by the wrist. He tensed up under that touch, and looked a little… Scared? Guilty? when he turned back to her.

There was a surge of guilt through her- he'd opened up to me- and now he thinks I'm judging him because I couldn't keep my mouth shut. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to be weird about it. It's just… a lot to take in. I don't blame you." He relaxed a little, and she let him go. He didn't make any moves to leave, this time. "The Pizzaplex was closed- How'd you get away?"

Tony sat back down next to her, and said- "I didn't get away."

________

It was over. All over now.

He'd been caught. Now he was staring up into Monty's green snout, as he leered over him. Or were there three Monty’s? Vision blurry and spinning. Sirens blaring in his ears. Everything hurt.

After a whole evening of narrowly avoiding attempted murder by his ‘friend’. Then animatronics, stalking him through every room. Then, a creepy bunny girl with a knife… he had nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide.

The fire escape wouldn't open, no matter how hard he had wrenched at the doors. And he couldn't find any other way out of this awful place. It was only three am. In desperation, he'd come here. And it had been a mistake- such a mistake- And this camera- The stupid freaking camera didn't work. Not on Monty-

And he couldn't keep running. He wasn't gonna make it until the doors opened again- He was gonna die, with the only evidence of tonight being a blurry photo of Monty, slamming Tony into the ground. Disorientating him. Making his entire head spin and ache. Leaving bruises on his neck and back to join the cut from earlier. The shallow cut on his neck that had still bled down to his shirt collar. Only stopping when he found a bandage. Cuts through his shirt on his belly, and more cuts on his arms and hands from when he tried to grab the knife.

And the sirens blared. It felt like they would never stop.

All those painful memories in his head. Memories that would all be gone soon. All he could do was shake in fear, still laying where Monty had thrown him down. Panicked gasps, his left hand clinging to the carpet. Right hand holding that stupid camera. Because what else could he do? He wasn't going anywhere.

There was a soft sound of footsteps near him. Human footsteps. He looked over, and sobbed. Of course he was here. But without Freddy, this time. Instead, he had the white rabbit as his backup. She had a large knife in one paw.

Monty, his ‘friend’, and creepy bunny-lady. The whole menagerie was here!

If they're going to kill me, I don't want to go out begging. I want to be brave. I want to be brave-

He wiped the tears from his eyes, and tried to look determined, forcing himself to sit up. But he couldn't stop shaking.

"... Why do you always leave me to clean up your messes?" The bunny-lady asked, stretching her arms into the air, standing behind Greg.

Greg just rolled his eyes, and looked back at her. He had been walking gingerly, and had a hand pressed against his ribcage. It must've been from where Tony had fought back, trying to get away earlier. "I dunno, because I'm just a kid? Besides, you're the one with a real knife. That utility knife was useless…"

She walked over to Tony with a forced-sounding giggle. The lights in Monty Golf shone awfully off the knife-edge. She knelt down in front of him. Sirens still blaring in his ears. Some from Monty Golf. Some from this bunny. She had something with her- like Greg- that disrupted modern technology. Her big, red eyes piercing his-

She stared at him for what felt like forever. As he fought not to sob, or cry, or beg for his life.

Instead, he lifted his camera. And caught her. The whole reason he'd wanted that camera- because there was a weird bunny-lady chasing him, who couldn't be seen on the security cameras. He wanted proof that she existed-

The picture printed- with her face on it. Greg was visible in the background, with a look of surprise on his face. Tony felt a bitter sense of accomplishment.

Until the bunny-lady grabbed him by the throat. Tony could feel her fingers, through her suit and his bandage. Strangling him in the same places Monty's claws had grabbed him earlier. Pressing her palm into the scabbed line. "Well, aren't you cute?" She wrestled him back to the floor as he gasped uselessly for air. He could hear the muffled clatter of something hitting the carpet.

Her knife? His camera? Both?

He wished he could lie and say he'd put up a good fight. But she was heavier than him, and bigger than him. It wasn't a fair fight. Kicking- punching- none of it seemed to do anything. He couldn't find any strength to put into it- his vision went black-

He could hear himself whimper in pain as she let go of his throat, rolled him onto his belly, and pulled his arms behind his back. There was a pressure around his wrists- something plastic-feeling- zip-ties? He tried to move, but her knee was pressed down into the back of his rib-cage. He could only catch shallow breaths that made him feel lightheaded. Or maybe he'd always been lightheaded? His throat hurt so much. The alarms continued-

"For fucks sake Monty, would you go disable that noise?!" He could hear Greg whine. Nothing else was said, as Tony heard heavy metal feet stomp away.

He buried his face into the carpet, trying to get his breath back as she… rubbed her paw through his hair? Was she… trying to comfort him? What the hell-

"What are you gonna do to me?" He asked in a raspy voice. Because he should've been dead by now- she had a knife. She could've easily finished the job.

"I’m still thinking, sweetie. There are other options for you…"

"Really, Vanny? Why don’t you just cut to the chase, and cut him up!"

"Because that’d be a waste. He's that wannabe-reporter you've been complaining about?" Tony couldn't see what happened, and couldn't hear anything said, either. "Well, then he has some useful skills. Haven't you learnt by now- what you're doing isn't working. We need to… change our approach."

This made Tony's brain work fast. Because what Greg had been "doing" was murder. Maybe the bunny lady would take mercy on him?

Or maybe she'd do something worse.

More silence. "He's got that rebellious streak. I can tell. We could really get something out of him…" she grabbed his hair, and pulled his head up. Sending a jolt of pain up his already injured back and neck. He cried out-

"Just do it- kill me already!"

He didn't want to be tortured into silence. He'd already been tortured enough.

And she laughed. In her harsh, electronic voice. "Sorry, sweetie. I've got another idea." She let go of his hair, and got off him. Letting his head fall to the ground. He caught a few deep breaths, and tried to get the world to stop spinning. But he couldn't rest for long- she flipped him onto his back, trapping his wrists underneath him. She sat him up by grabbing his shoulders. Holding him steady as he wobbled in place.

The whole world spun around him and the bunny-girl. Like a merry-go-round. And she stared him in his eyes. Again.

"How about this? You play a game with me? You play a game, and if you win, you get to go home. If you lose, you help us. But if you do win, you gotta be good and stop messing with us. Doesn't that sound fun?"

Greg was grinning behind her. Barely containing his laughter. Like he was in on some joke that Tony wasn't. Holding that picture in his hand.

And this whole deal seemed off to Tony- wasn't she scared of being exposed? Of people realizing what was going on here?"

Maybe she thought he'd be scared into silence? If she thought that, she thought wrong… but he could take advantage of that.

He played it up- the scared kid look. Puppy eyes, trembling lip. The works. He couldn't do it as well as Greg did, but he could still do it if he tried. "You'll really let me go? I'll be good… I'll never tell a soul…"

She stroked his cheek with her paw, making an "Aww" sound. He had to fight not to shiver under it. How many people have her hands killed? She giggled, and pulled him up, standing. She grabbed his bound wrists. "Of course we will, sweetie. Now, if you'll just come with me…" As if she was asking for a favor, instead of leading onward her captured prey.

But he followed. He had no choice- her hand was around his wrists, after all.

All he could do was hope she'd stick to her words. And that he could even beat her game. It'll surely be rigged.

________

Once he'd finished telling his story, Cassie couldn't do anything but stare at him in horror.

He picked at the loose thread in his sweater, and couldn't look at her, staring at his knees. "In a way, it was rigged… but I won anyway. I got really lucky that day!” He grinned for a second, before his face fell again. “I… promised I'd drop it. They let me go. But they kept an eye on me afterwards. I had no evidence- except the cuts and bruises. The photo was destroyed. If I'd told anyone… people would've thought I was making it up. 'Help! My friend's working with a bunny-themed serial killer out of the Mega Pizzaplex- and Monty nearly killed me!' They'd tell me I'd been playing too many video games."

He laughed, and looked back up at her. "Do you know how weird it was? To have to pretend everything's okay after experiencing that? I couldn't just not have anything to do with him. Because he was Ellis's friend, too…"

"Yeah. I do know what that's like." She admitted in a whisper. "I can't tell anyone anything about Gregory without looking like I'm crazy. The only people who know what really happened to me are, well, you, and Andy. Everyone else expects me to still miss him. And I do… kind of?" She had to think for a moment. Tony waited patiently, without interrupting. "I miss the Gregory I thought I knew. The one who'd watch dumb movies with me. Or go camping with me. Or would play Fazer Blast with me. But… that Gregory… it was just a lie?"

She didn't know what else to say after that, so she just looked down at her lap. She could feel Tony edge closer to her, and put a hand on her shoulder. "That's… that's it. I couldn't put it into words before, but that's it. I miss playing dumb games, or hanging out at lunch, or calling ourselves stupid names. But the rest? I don't miss that."

She nodded, and they sat like that for a bit. He took his hand off her shoulder after a while.

"I think I've seen that rabbit lady before- was she wearing all white?" Cassie asked. He looked surprised, and nodded. "In the AR world- one of the security cameras changed to her chasing Gregory. But that footage didn't play in the real world. Maybe… she's the reason he went missing?"

"That's a real possibility… Maybe he messed up, and she had to take him out?"

"Maybe she was trying to. But I don't think she succeeded. Because I saw him not too long ago- at the hospital. He'd changed his hair style and clothes, and grown a little taller. But it was clearly him. He ran away when I tried to follow him…"

Was he only there to finish the job? That thought sent a shiver up her spine.

…

She couldn't get that thought out of her head, until Tony spoke up again.

"I've had this theory for a while now- no proof, though- that maybe… maybe there were two Greg's?"

She just looked at him. "Gregory's an only child. He definitely doesn't have an evil identical twin, if that's what you mean-"

"No, not quite." His eyes locked onto hers, looking intense. Like he was looking through her. A shiver went up Cassie's spine. "I'm thinking more like… a split personality? Or maybe mind control- maybe both- ever watched Spirited Away?"

She nodded. "You're thinking he's like… Haku?"

"Perhaps.” He shrugged. “He did say he was 'the wizards most favored apprentice.' And he didn’t seem like himself that night… If he was being controlled, that would explain some things."

They pondered that for a bit. It was… a possibility. And a possibility Cassie wanted to be real. A possibility she suspected Tony wanted to be real, too, from the look in his eyes.

But mind control? If that existed, it’d be known about. The government would be using it to keep people in line. Mom would be out of the job if mind control existed. Because there’d be no reforming offenders- they’d just get stuck to the straight and narrow by force.

"You've known him for years, right?" Tony asked. She nodded, and he continued. "What do you think about this? Do you think it's a possibility for people to end up under that kind of control?"

"I… I hope you're right. Maybe? It could've happened."

But she didn’t have much hope. It just seemed like pseudoscience to her. And he must’ve seen the look on her face, because he dropped the subject.

She looked back up at him, as he changed the subject. "Y'know, Ms Tyrian knows about what happened to me. She… has had similar experiences. She's not gonna think you're crazy, even if the rest of the world would."

She hadn't realized just how much weight she'd been carrying, just with that thought. Until he said that, and she felt it all fall off. "You really think so?"

"I know so."

She thanked him, as the door into the office opened up, catching them both by surprise. Ms Tyrian must've finished helping her daughters. She leant against the door-frame, and rolled her eyes with a faint smile. "Tony, are you on fire?"

He grinned and shrunk into the couch. "Not yet, Ms Tyrian."

She crossed her arms, smile widening. "In that case, don't you have somewhere to be? You should get going, before you miss it."

"Hah, yeah. Guess I'm being a bit slack today." he replied to Ms Tyrian, then whispered to Cassie. "Newspaper club. Mom thought it'd be good for me to do it…" He stuck out his tongue, and Cassie had to keep from giggling. "It was nice to meet you again, Cassie." He stood up and quickly grabbed a book from the shelf.

From what Cassie could see of the cover, it was about… exorcisms? Or demons? It has that kind of cover-

He then went to walk out. Until Cassie yelled out "Hey Tony- wait a minute!" He did, as she staggered over to him, after fumbling with her crutches for a moment. "Do you want my number? In case you want to talk about other stuff?" She kept it vague, because she didn't want Ms Tyrian's first knowledge of her Gregory-issue being overheard in this conversation.

Tony seemed to catch on, at least. "Yeah, sure. If you give me yours, I'll text you mine, okay?"

She nodded, and gave him her number. He checked it was accurate with her, and then she got a text notification from him. Just as he said.

And there was so much relief running through her right now. That she wasn't alone. That she wasn't crazy. He left with a wave, and she turned to face Ms Tyrian.

She was looking at Cassie with a funny expression on her face. "Cassie, he is way too old for you. He'll be sixteen soon. Don't let him charm you, okay?"

"Wait, what? It's nothing like that! We just have some things in common…" She blurted out. Why does this always happen?

"I'm kidding! I'm kidding!" She laughed, putting her hands up in front of her. "Well, do you want to get started? It's been a long time since I've seen you. I'm sure you have a lot to talk about.”

Ms Tyrian took the lounge chair, leaving Cassie the couch. "I'm sorry that I'm late for your appointment, Cassie. Sometimes the kids get a bit… Well, girls will be girls, huh?" She said, shaking her head.

"I guess so. I didn't realize you were Chris's Mom. You look so… different from him."

Maybe Cassie shouldn't have said that last bit, as Ms Tyrian's eyes went downcast. "Yes. He takes a lot from his father. Luckily, only in looks." She straightened up, and looked at Cassie, holding a notebook. "But we're not here to talk about my family- we're here to talk about you. I heard from your Mom you went up to Salt Lake City, for some rehab" she looked down at Cassie's leg brace, then back to her tlso, leaving her feeling a bit self conscious. "It looks like the rehab went well. Did you have fun there?"

"Uhhh, yeah. It was fine. I met a girl there. We didn't get along at first. But now we're friends? I hope we are, anyway. She said she'd like to see me again next summer break."

Ms Tyrian clapped her hands together. "Oh- that's brilliant! I'm glad you got to meet someone nice."

Cassie fidgeted a bit, stammering out. "Um, yep."

"So. How has school been treating you so far?"

Cassie fidgeted a bit before answering. "Um, it's been a learning experience? I thought my ex friends wanted to be friends again… but I think they just got curious about me. They didn’t really want to talk to me." She sighed. "But I have Lawrence, and he's introduced me to his friends, so that's nice."

Ms Tyrian nodded, and took some notes down on paper. Then she asked a few more questions about school.

Meanwhile, Cassie answered and fidgeted. For the first time in ages, she wanted to talk about Gregory. But Ms Tyrian wasn't asking that question.

"Well, it sounds like you've been doing well. I'm glad that you've been readjusting back into school without much trouble. This might be our last session- your Mom would be happy that things are turning around for you, Cassie-"

"Actually- Ms Tyrian- can I ask you something?"

“Oh- of course. What would you like to ask?”

Cassie couldn't help but fidget with her skirt. “Um, about Gregory. I… I got talking with Tony about him earlier. And Tony said you'd understand…” Ms Tyrian's face was impossible to crack. Still, like a rock. “So… would you?”

She took a few notes quickly, which didn't fill Cassie with much hope. “I strive to understand all my clients. If you're worried about me judging you, I won't.”

That… wasn't much of a confidence booster. At all. Now she just wanted to be out of there-

“I'm sorry if that sounded curt. For confidentiality reasons, I can't go into personal details about Gregory. It wouldn't be ethical. But I can listen to you- it'll just… be a more one-sided conversation than you may be expecting.”

“… ‘Confidentiality reasons?’ Have you worked with Gregory before?”

“... I cannot answer that question.”

Okay…

“... In that case, is it okay if I start from the start?”

“Of course it is.” She said, putting down her notes. Now fully paying attention.

________

It took a while to explain everything- everything she'd gone through at the Pizzaplex, everything she thought she'd known about Gregory. What she had discussed earlier with Tony.

She tried to stick to the facts, or at least what she thought was fact. It still hurt to go into the feelings- she felt a bit hypocritical because she'd just bared her soul to Tony. But she’d trusted him. Even if she’d barely known him. Despite reassurances, she wasn't sure if she could trust Ms Tyrian yet.

Once she was done, she took a deep breath and sat back into the couch. Still feeling tense- she couldn't tell what Ms Tyrian was thinking.

“Tony said that you'd had experience with him too. What… What did Gregory do to you?” She asked Ms Tyrian in a rush of words.

She sighed. “Cassie- I can't go into this with you-”

“Then how does he know what you've been through?!” She blurted out.

And regretted it when a shadow fell over Ms Tyrian's eyes. Anger.

She sighed, and pinched the bridge of her nose before answering. “I can't go into my other clients' details with you Cassie. All I can say is this- if you start investigating this like… certain other clients have done in the past. I will drop you and you will need to find a new therapist. My days of rewarding bad behavior are over!”

Now she just felt ashamed. Mom had asked her to be polite, and not do anything she wouldn't do at home- and she hadn't. “I'm sorry.”

Ms Tyrian sighed again, and shook her head. “No, I shouldn't have gotten so confrontational about it. I'm sorry for getting heated with you.”

Cassie didn't know what to say to that. She kind of didn't want to say anything, in case she put her foot in her mouth again.

“How about we start with your experiences- or rather, how you feel about them. You must've felt something when he cut the elevator cord.”

And she did. She had felt a lot of things after Gregory betrayed her. But she… didn't want to go into them.

She looked determinedly into her lap. And could hear Ms Tyrian’s lounge chair squeak as she stood up from it.

Then saw Ms Tyrian's shoes, from the top of her eyes. Standing in front of her. Then kneeling. Cassie looked up, to see her green eyes right there. “Oh, good. Now I can see your eyes.” Ms Tyrian said, with a slight smile.

Like she was trying to reassure Cassie that she isn't mad anymore.

“It must've been hard, thinking you were safe, only to have the rug ripped out from under you like that. How did that make you feel?” Ms Tyrian asked. Her eyes piercing Cassie’s.

She couldn't help but squirm a little. She wanted to run away. Far away. But she had crutches to use, a muddy yard to cross, and miles to walk before she got home.

“I… I…”

Ms Tyrian looked at her weirdly. “You don't need to be self-conscious. I remember you telling me about how special he was to you… about that camping trip, where he helped you dive into the lake. The fishing. The campfire. The little moments that you still remember. Those memories must've been nice at the time- but how do you feel remembering them now?”

Cassie swallowed a lump that'd been building up in her throat. And it took her a bit to find any words. And they still weren't right- “... Bad. I feel… bad.”

Ms Tyrian nodded, keeping her eyes glued to Cassie’s. “Of course you do. It's best to tell people how you feel, instead of bottling it up. So, tell me more?

Cassie’s heart was beating hard in her chest.

How did she feel about Gregory?

…

She wanted to bite him. Kick him. Pull his stupid self-cut hair. Make him cry too. Make him feel something like she did.

That was how she’d felt in the hospital.

Do I… still feel that way?

She’d had time to cool off a bit. But the ache was still in her heart, from when he’d stabbed her in it. Metaphorically, of course.

The blood didn’t flow as readily as it had. But it still trickled. Still burned.

And she couldn't forget what Tony had suggested, either. Maybe it hadn't even been the real Gregory.

(Maybe she’d never known the real Gregory.)

(That thought hurt more than knowing he'd tried to kill her.)

She felt like crying. But she didn't want to cry in front of Ms Tyrian. Instead, she just wrapped her arms around her chest.

Her eyes and nose started to get watery, as she looked back down at Ms Tyrian’s shoes.

Cassie heard the sound of movement, and those shoes walked away. Then they came back, and Ms Tyrian was touching her face with something, near her eyes.

A tissue. Dabbing at her tears.

Green eyes. Filled with concern. Staring directly at her.

She tried to say it. How she had felt. How she feels now. Her mouth opened, but nothing came out.

Her own arms weren't a good enough hug. She felt like a wounded animal, trying to guard itself against the vet.

“It's okay to feel upset about him, Starbright. Do you want a hug?”

And her arms were open. Waiting for Cassie. Damp tissue held in one hand.

Cassie let go of herself, and broke down into Ms Tyrian’s arms. Sobbing against her shoulder, as she patted her back. “There, there, Cassie. You'll be okay…”

She didn't feel like she would ever be okay again.

________

It had been a very… enlightening talk, once she’d calmed down enough to talk.

Afterwards, while she was waiting for Mom, Cassie went back to the living room to see Chris and Danny again.

They were now playing with a little baby play-set. The kind where the baby's on their back, and there's jingly toys above them. Chris was now on his belly, smiling and shaking around the toys while Danny squealed with excitement, and tried to bat his hands at them.

Chris hadn't seen her yet, so she got to watch them play for a little bit. It was… cute? That was a word she would've never thought Chris could be.

Eventually, he turned his head and caught her. Blushing furiously. "Hey- don't just stand there and stare at me!" He said, brow furrowed, and the smile now gone.

"Sorry! Sorry!" Cassie said quickly. He rolled his eyes, and now Cassie wasn't sure if she was still invited to hang out with him-

"Well? What are you waiting for? We can't come to you- so come here!" He waved her over.

She clicked her teeth and rolled her eyes, before going over to him to sit cross-legged near Chris. She had to lean on the nearby coffee table, to have any luck with getting down that low. Meanwhile, he sat himself up slowly. Pushing himself up into a strange sitting position, with his legs splayed around him. Like he’d been sat earlier, now she thought about it.

Danny kept eyes locked on Chris, and Chris muttered "I'm setting a bad example for you, you should watch how Cassie does it- not me." He turned to Cassie. "Speaking of, this is Cassie. She's a friend of my friend."

She crinkled her face at that. He wasn't exactly wrong… but it felt strange to say it like that.

He caught her expression out of the corner of his eye, and slightly amended it. "Well, okay. She's an acquaintance of mine, because we haven't known each other for very long yet."

… That was a bit nicer. It left open the opportunity to become friends, at a later date.

"Anyway, you said earlier I could hold him. Is that still okay?" She asked.

Chris nodded. “Do you know how to hold a baby?”

She nodded, and reached out to pick up Danny. Making sure to support his head. He was so tiny. She was kind of scared she'd drop him.

"He's about six months old. He's doing well, he can roll over all by himself now."

Danny reached out to tap Cassie's face. But he kinda missed and put his hand on her mouth instead. Her mouth felt all slimy. She backed up a bit, so the hand could fall away, then she wiped her mouth with her sleeve

"Good idea. He'd been chewing on his hands earlier."

"... Thanks for the heads up." She said, sarcastically.

For a little while, they just played with Danny. Wiggling their fingers near him, for him to try and bat with his little hands. Until Chris asked Cassie- "I saw Tony slinking out the front door earlier. He wasn't trying to snoop on your session, was he?"

She shook her head. "Oh no! We were having a chat, while your Mom helped out your sisters. He, um. Helped me out with some things." Cassie didn't want to go into detail. She'd had enough of baring her soul for one day.

Chris didn't pry. Even though he must still be able to see the puffiness around my eyes. But he did make a suggestion. "You be careful with that guy, Cassie. He's got a silver tongue. Very good at getting people to say what he wants them to say- and what he wants them to say is too much."

Cassie scowled a bit and rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure Chris. Maybe he's just nice? Not everyone's like you, y'know?"

Chris threw his hands up, besides his head. Palms spread wide. "Don't get me wrong! He's nice. I like talking to him sometimes. And I wouldn't let him near my sisters if he wasn't nice… but he's stubborn, and pushy. He could get a fish to admit to dancing the tango. If you remember that, you'll have a better time with him."

She clicked her teeth again, and put Danny back down. Honestly, she felt like that description better fit his Mom… but she couldn't exactly say that. She could hear a car pull up out-front. It sounded like her Mom's car.

She didn't want to leave Chris on a bad note.

"I'll remember that for next time I talk to him, thank you for the heads up. Hey- I'll see you at school on Monday?"

"Yeah, I'll see you there. Thanks for playing with Danny." He waved her goodbye and she waved back, as Cassie heard her Mom knock on the door. When Cassie stood up and turned around, grabbing her crutches, she could see Mom through the window.

"Ms Tyrian- Mom's here. I'll see you next time!" She yelled out. Hearing a distant goodbye back.

She went out, and went home with Mom.

********

Author's note. Yes. I know Vanny can be seen on the cameras in Security Breach. And even that one camera in Ruin. But the therapy tapes imply she is not visible, at least, not properly. Fifth therapist can kind of see Vanny. But not really. The footage is blurred. Also, it makes sense for Vanny to not be visible story wise- otherwise, if Vanessa would have to delete any footage showing Vanny frolicking around anyway, she wouldn't need a costume at all. (Though, regardless of whether Vanny is visible, footage would need to be deleted of at least the murder of the kids. Otherwise someone would find out immediately after reviewing the footage.) Ruin cam is. Not actually something that happened. Vanny never chased Gregory through the bakery. I think it's just The Mimic playing tricks on Cassie lmao.

I think Vanny being visible on cams in Security Breach is, like a lot of things in SB, just a case of gameplay and story segregation. Pretty sure Chica, Monty, and Roxy aren't supposed to possess the power of teleportation, either. But they do in game, because that was just how they coded them to be dangerous.

(Well. Maybe Chica's supposed to teleport. I'm a possessed Chica truther.)

I couldn't find anything online about whether someone wearing a kafo brace can sit crossed legged. I imagine its possible- but probably not super comfortable for very long. If you wear one, and know if its possible or not, please let me know. I'm trying to be accurate, but I cant always find answers. I know people wearing afo can w-sit from experience, but that doesn't really help with this case.

Also, for anyone confused about why Cassie doesn't consider Lawrence as someone in the know about her- she told him about the weird robot who tried to kill her, and who killed Janet. She didn't have to explain Gregory then, so she didn't. Andy and Tony are the only ones who know about Gregory and the elevator.

Also also- Poor Tony. He tried to camera-cancel Monty post patch. Press F to pay respects.

Song title is from Penelope Scott’s Feel Better.

Bit of a hiatus now until i complete chapters 19, 21, and 22, like I've mentioned previously. 19 and 21 are halfway done- but 22 still needs a bit of work. We'll be back soon enough!

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf fanfic #cassie fnaf #fnaf cassie #tony becker #is it really a birthday party fanfic #summerly writes #wow only *checks notes* 18 chapters in and I can add a different character tag!

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pbandjesse · 3 months ago

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Today is labor day! And it feels thematically appropriate to finally. Finally. Tell Tumblr the secret I have been holding from the Internet for a month. I am 11 weeks pregnant! And today we finally got to tell my family. So I can also finally tell all of you. It has been incredibly hard to write my posts since July 31st when I first found out. And there are other versions of my posts I had written. So I will have to go back and edit those back. It wasn't all of the days but there is a good handful from the beginning of August!! It has been so hard to not say anything! It's why I've been so sick!

I was so nervous to tell my parents. How would they react?? Would i get the emotional excitement I hoped for?? It's basically all I wanted to talk about yesterday. And thankfully when I got home last night I was able to shower and settle and I was able to sleep pretty well, despite the nerves.

I had brought two flower arrangements home from the wedding. One for me and one for my parents. I was smart and dumped the water from the vases but would fill them up for the overnight. And in the morning they still looked great.

I woke up at 8. With the plan for us to leave at 830. James was making crepes and they looked so cute in their Uganda soccer kit. And I really love my denim dress. I felt good. I was nervous but I didn't feel sick. And I really hoped I could keep that going. Ride that wave as long as I could.

Right before we left I noticed one of my frogs was dead. Covered in snails. And I was so sad. So I think I have no frogs anymore. And it just bums me out so bad. I am just going to have to completely start my tank over. I can't get the snails to stop. It's ruined my tanks environment and it just sucks so bad. James would handle getting my baby frog out and buried. I was just really sad. But I tried to not let it ruin my day. We had a big thing to do.

I went out to the car to move stuff around so there would be room for us to bring our laundry with us to my parents. And soon we were on the road.

I brought a pillow and that made me more comfortable. I never fell asleep but I enjoyed resting and we listened to a podcast and it was not a bad drive at all. We wouldn't have to deal with any traffic and we got to my parents at 1030.

We didn't discuss between, me and James, how we were going to tell them. We had packed a little gift bag, with the ultra sound from my last appointment (remember when I went to see that 'specialist'?) and James picked a fig from the tree to bring with us. I packed it like a gift. And when we got to the house we put the flowers and the gift bag in the kitchen table and just didn't mention it. I would have to decide on the right time.

The dogs didn't bark when we came in. It was like they were so excited they were basically honking??? Mom would come out and was very surprised. But I was so happy to see her.

Dad was still getting ready for the day. So I would have to wait.

We would chill in the living room. And talked about life and just catching up. It was hard to redirect the conversation when Mom would talk about me feeling sick, but also when she brought up our planned Scotland trip. The problem being my expected due date is two weeks before the trip. So I was pretty sure we were going to have to reschedule that. Which makes me a little sad but I knew she would understand.

I went to bother Dad and tell him to hurry up and join us. And soon he would. But I wouldn't tell them yet still.

Around 1130 mom asked if we wanted to order pizza. I had had my two crepes in the car but I absolutely wanted pizza now. I love the pizza place near them. So we would order pizza and James got a cheese steak and mom got a quesadilla.

While we waited for the food to be delivered, mom brought up Scotland again. And I decided it was the right time. I honestly wish I got it on video because she had such an amazing reaction. I told James to get the gift bag and mom was like. Why do I get a gift?? And I'm like well it's kind of a thing for both of you.

She brought out the framed ultrasound first. And she literally stopped mid sentence and goes. No??? You're fucking joking?? Jesse??!! You're joking?? And I go right into explaining, this is why I've been sick. And she ran over to me to give me a hug. And dad is like ??? What is happening, Sharon stop cursing!!! And mom hasn't shown him the frame yet and he wasn't getting it. But we finally hand it to him and he gets it and he go no!! Omg!! And they were both so excited. She claims she didn't cry but I saw the teary eyes. She was so excited. Dad was so excited.

Then I explained the fig. And dad goes. Wow. My grandchild, as he holds it up. And then I explain the whole story. When we were on the cruise I was nauseous. Jess's parents kept saying I was pregnant. I didn't want to take a test until August 1st, despite missing two persons. But when I got off the cruise and was still nauseous I spoke to the camp nurse and she convinced me to take a pregnancy test on July 31. And that evening I did and it was immediate. "PREGNANT". And then I told James. And we high fived. And then the next day we told Charlotte because she was leaving for Spain. On August 2nd I made an appointment for an obgyn but I let them know I had been sick but also I was spotting and they said I needed to go to the ER. So I had to tell Alexi and Heather and Elizabeth because I had to leave camp.

And when I got the the er I got fluids and they confirmed the pregnancy but I also got an ultrasound. Based on my last missed period they thought I might be 10 weeks but I was actually more like 6/7. And I got to see it early. It didn't look like much but I got to see it! And I drew a pictuee of it to show James later.

And then in the ten days between the ER and the OB-GYN appointment I lost 10lbs from being sick. And the midwife was so nice and James got to see them and they still didn't look like much but we got to see their heartbeat. And now I have my next appointment tomorrow. And I'm so nervous because anything and everything can go wrong. And I can't see them because my belly isn't see through so I just have to believe they are growing safely. And I really hope we get to see them tomorrow but I don't actually know if we will because I don't know how often you get ultrasounds. I want to see them every time though, only seems fair.

But they were just so excited. And when the door bell rang with our friends it took everything in mon not to just tell the pizza man that her daughter was pregnant. But it was the main point of conversation for the rest of the day.

Lunch was great. I actually ate 4 pieces of pizza! And I would actually feel pretty well through around 230. We would talk about the research and reading we have done to get ready. The book I'm reading. Things we have learned. Mom told us about her experiences and James finished the laundry between topics. It was just so nice. It was so nice to be able to talk about everything. About the scary things. About me accidently ripping my boobie skin off with kinesiology tape. About how I have had all my eggs since I was a baby inside of Mom. So this baby has always been with us, our whole lives. And it makes me just a little emotional to think about.

And like I am still scared. It could not be growing. It could not be growing correctly

It could be missing organs, or a skull. It could be perfect and then die at the end. Or it can be totally fine and I can come home with a new little person. That looks like me and James. The person I love so much.

And I just have to believe that no matter what happens I will be okay, and it will all work out how it's supposed to. Just how I have always believed.

And James got to talk about their excitement too. They are a little more focused on my health. They are just so worried about me being so sick. But they are also such an amazing support. And I love them so much.

I started feeling not amazing. And we had one more stop at Xavier and Kaitlyn's house. So at 3 we would give hugs all around. Mom and me had gone down to the basement and she gave me a nice new basket and a bunch of pencils for camp. And we got all of that in the car. And said goodbye. It was exciting that we got to give them something to be excited about. I love them so very much.

We left there and headed to our friends. They are about 40 minutes from my parents. And it was really nice to see them. They are expecting as well, and she's only a few weeks behind me! How crazy!! We talked about our different experiences. She said her mom was barely sick and that's been her experience so far, while my mom was sick the whole time and that's my experience too. Rough. But I enjoyed hanging out. They brought us a few little Pokemon things from Japan. And we just talked and caught up and spent an hour and a half there. It was fun.

But I was losing steam. So it was time to go. We said goodbye and headed not. See them soon!!

We would stop at Wawa on the way home. We got drinks and snacks. I got a small hoagie. And it did help me feel a little better. But the drive home would be a bit tough on us

Not much traffic, but our cord wasn't charging right. My phone would get down to 2%. And people were driving terrible. James couldn't stop sneezing. And the sun was so strong and directly in our faces. We couldn't block it no matter what we tried. So it was not a super fun trip back. But we were fine. And we would finally get home at 7.

We got everything inside. And I was just like. I gotta go lay down. James would put our clothes away. And we would just enjoy hanging out and doing our own thing in our bedroom. James worked on writing. I watched videos and scrolled. It was calm.

Eventually I took a bath. I have so many blasters on my feet from last night so the I put in the water hurt but I am sure it helped. And now we are in bed. And I am so ready to sleep. There was so much emotionally charged moments today. Like in the best way but man. I am exhausted.

And tomorrow we get to go to the OB-GYN again. This time we get to meet Dr Hoffman. Of Hoffman and associates! Which is the name of the practice. I get to have appointments with all the drs and midwives so we get to know everyone. I think it's smart. But also a little nerve wracking. You never in now what they are going to tell you. I just hope it's all good news you know?

But now it's time to sleep. I hope you all sleep great. I love you all so much. I will start editing the redacted posts and when I finish that (probably Thursday) I will make a post with the dates of the changes posts! If you want to go back and read them.

Goodnight everyone. Have fun tomorrow!!

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