#my mental state is such a disaster at the moment

[franky-y]

as chaotic as this stream was, it was really helpful at cheering me up after feeling like shit these past few days. i'm seriously grateful for this right now.

[eand47]

Chapter VII | A Little Death

Summary: You moved to one of the biggest cities in the world - Grand Line to pursue filmmaking career. Soon enough your path will cross with the vocalist of upcoming band called “The Neighbourhood”. At first you decided to be just friends - because it would be easier, but sadly as everything in life sometimes by taking the easy path we regret a lot of things.

Main characters: Portgas D Ace x Reader (female)

Supporting characters: Nami, Usopp, Luffy, Zoro, Sanji, Law, Deuce, Shanks, Buggy, Sabo, Eustass Kid, Koala, Robin, Dave (OC)

Description: Modern AU | Musician Ace

WARNINGS: explicit language, mentions of alcohol, mentions of cigarettes/nicotine, mentions of sex, mentions of tattoos

Word Count: 21,2K

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NOTE: This chapter drained me mentally and physically ngl… I literally edited it for five hours and still I’m not 100% satisfied with it but my brain is fried as this is idk which day in a roll where I’ve been awake until 5/6am to write… anyway I hope that you will enjoy it as I really tried to make it as good as possible guys. Also most of you are going to hate me for what you are about to read…. anyway enjoy ♡

The songs for the chapter are - ‘A Little Death’ by The Neighbourhood, ‘Attention’ by Tokio Hotel, ‘True Disaster’ by Tove Lo and ‘A Big Jet Plain’ by Angus & Julia Stone.

Yelling filled up the hospital room. I winced when Shanks continued to scream at me. I had woken up like an hour ago. Opening my eyes and seeing that I was in a hospital bed confused and scared me. I didn’t remember anything from last night, since the moment I was with the creepy guy by the bar. But what happened after that I had no idea. The first person who I saw waking up was Shanks. He seemed so stressed and pissed at the same time. When he saw me waking up, the only thing he said was that he was going to call the nurse without giving me any explanations of how I ended here. The nurse came fast and told me she would run some test. When I asked her what happened to me, she just looked at Shanks as she was hesitating if she should tell me or not. In response Shanks told her that he would explain to me. Once she left the room, he told me what had happened and since then he hasn’t stopped screaming.

 “How stupid you are? Explain? How could you take a drink from some stranger then on top of it leave with him?” Shanks yelled. The room filled up with silence. “Answer!” I twitched when he screamed at the top of his lungs. I was in a state of shock as it was still hard for me to process what had happened. My bottom lip trembled, and my eyes were filled up with tears. I have never seen Shanks this mad, neither he has ever raised his voice at me like this. The only thing I had my eyes focused on were my trembling fingers with which I was nervously playing with in my lap.

“Answer.” He said once again, but at least this time he wasn’t screaming, but his voice was still sharp. I couldn’t withhold the tears anymore and they started falling from my eyes. I lowered my head even more as I tried to hide my face with my hair, ashamed of what had happened. Ashamed and afraid.

“I-I... S-Shanks... I-I’m so-sorry...” I couldn’t find my voice. Everything came out as a whispered. “I d-don’t want to t-talk about i-it now... please...” I begged him as a sob left my lips.

“Oh no, we are going to talk about this now.” He said, walking back and forth around the room. “You had no idea, how lucky you got that you ended up in the hospital, rather than God’s know where.”

“I-I’m realising t-this Shanks. I g-guess the security a-acted fast.” I quietly said in between sobs.

“Oh, did I forgot to mention. No, no Foxy.” He stared to laughed, but it wasn’t a happy laughter. His laughter was mocking and full of rage. “The fucking security didn’t do shit, and this is something that I will personally take with the club owners.” I raised my head a bit, still hiding my face with my hair I glanced at Shanks. If it wasn’t the security, then who safe me?

“W-who was it t-then?”

“Your Romeo, who else.” Shanks chuckled mockingly. “I own Ace a big time now.” He murmured but I heard him. My heart skipped a beat. Ace saved me? But how? Panic took over my body again from the fact that I couldn’t remember anything that happened. Shanks started to fuss again but I didn’t pay him much attention this time, last thing I needed right now was this. “I told your father as well.” I snapped out of my thoughts the moment I heard Shanks saying this.

“Why did you do this Shanks?” I cried. The thought of my dad waking up to such news broke my heart. I didn’t want him to worry about me and to know that such thing had happened to me.

“Because he is your father, and he must know how stupid his daughter is.” Shanks spat, pulling his red hair frustrated. “God, I hope my kid is not as stup-“ He got interrupted by the door opening. It was Ace standing at the door. He looked at Shanks first then he moved his eyes to me. I lowered my head again not wanting him to see me in such state.

“Shanks why don’t you go out for a bit? I think you need some fresh air.” Ace held the door open and nodded to Shanks to get out of the room.

“Ace be careful with the tone.” Shanks pointed his finger at Ace warning him.

“Or what Shanks?” Ace crossed his arms in front of his chest, his posture straightened. He wasn’t afraid of Shanks, but he also knew that Shanks wasn’t going to do anything.

“I’m not done with her. She has a lot of questions to answer.” Shanks turned his piercing glance towards me. I didn’t dare to look towards neither of them.

“Sure, but I doubt this is what she needs right now.” Ace’s voice was stern yet protective. Shanks breathed out loudly.

“I will be back in ten minutes and you better start talking when I get back.” He pointed his finger at me this time before storming out of the room, slamming the door shut behind him. I winced at the sound of it. Neither Ace nor I said anything at first. My head was still lowered, not daring to lift it up and look at him. He grabbed a chair and placed it next to the hospital bed and took seat on it. His fingers grabbed my chin gently and lift my head making me look at him. My chest rose and fell quickly as I looked into his eyes. I bit on my trembling lip hard as I tried to not let out any sobs, but the tears escaped my eyes. Without saying anything Ace just pulled me closer to him and wrapped me in his arms. The sob that I was holding escaped my mouth the moment I buried my head in the crook of his neck. I wrapped my arms around him holding on tight for dear life.

“It’s okay, doll.” He cooed in my ear. “You’re safe. I’m here.” Ace whispered the last part. He was gently rubbing circles on my back with one of his hands while with the other he was running his fingers through my hair. I was not sure how long we stayed like this, but he held me until I pulled away from him first. I sniffed and swallowed hard before I could find my voice to speak up.

“Aren’t you mad at me like Shanks is?” My voice was barely audible. I thought I had no more tears left to cry, but one escaped the corner of my eye.

“Oh, I am.” Ace said. He reached with his hand and whipped the tear away with his thumb. I lowered my head again, not wanting to look at his eyes and see the same disappointment Shanks had. He lifted my chin up and made me look at him again. “But I’m more pissed at your friends for not looking after you.” His voice was soft, but his face was stern.

“I’m not a child. They are not responsible for my safety nor my mistakes.” I said and Ace just sighed and let go of my face. He shook his head and closed his eyes rubbing his temples. “Don’t be mad at them I beg you.” I carefully reached out and placed my hand on top of his squeezing it, making him look at me again. His nostrils flared as he inhaled and exhaled before he gave me a stern look.

“Promise you will never ever, no matter the circumstances, accept anything, not just drinks, I mean anything from strangers, especially men.” I have never heard or seen Ace being so serious about something as he was now. I swallowed hard and nodded, lowering my gaze. “Look at me and say it.” His voice became low and warning.

“I-I promise.” I breathed out. He nodded with a huffed, looking away from me. I eyed him and just now noticed how tired and tensed his body posture was. Dark circles were placed under his eyes, which meant he hasn’t slept at all. I looked around the hospital room for a clock. My eyes landed on one placed by the door. It was almost one pm. How long have I been out exactly? Salience took over the room once again, but this time I was the one to break it. “Thank you.” I whispered. Ace tilted his head at me and slightly nodded. “How... how did you find me... like... last thing I remember is being by the bar with...with...” I couldn’t finish the sentence. Chills ran down my back when I remembered the guy’s face from last night. I should have trusted my guts and tell him to fuck off. My breath quickened as I started trembling and Ace noticed it.

“Calm down. Don’t think about it.” He was quick to reassure me. “I went looking for you, as no one had seen you for a while. Just before you went out of the club, I saw your skirt and ran after you.” His jaw clenched and his eyes darkened. Something was running through his mind, and I wasn’t sure what it was.

“W-what h-happened to the g-guy?” My voice trembled with fear. A puff of air escaped Ace’s nose in a makeshift laugh.

“You don’t need to worry about it, doll. He has been taken care off.” He moved a strand of hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. I gave him a doubtful look.

“What do you mean he has been taken care off? Did the police lock him?”

“Yeah. As I said, don’t worry, you are safe.” Ace gave me a smile, but something in this smile wasn’t sincere. But I wasn’t stupid, and I knew it was pointless to try to get any information from him or Shanks, because if they have sat their minds on not telling me then no matter how much questions I asked I would receive no answer.

“I’m sorry if I destroyed your big night...” I nibbled on my bottom lip. The guilt was written all over my face. “I hope you won’t get in trouble because of me.”

“Didn’t destroy anything and you don’t need to worry about me.” He said as he got up from the chair and ruffled my hair. “I think they will let you go home later today, so if you need something call or text me, okay?” I frowned when I realised he was going to leave now. I didn’t want him to leave. Not yet at least. Having Ace around felt safer than Shanks, mostly because I knew he wouldn’t let Shanks scream at me and right now all I needed was some peace and quiet.

“A-are you l-leaving?” I looked at him from under my lashes as I played nervously with my fingers. Ace was clearly taken aback from my question, which surprised me. He placed a hand on the nape of his neck and gave me an awkward chuckle.

“I, um yeah. Do you want me to stay longer?”

“No.” I shook my head fast. “I-I... No. You have done more than I could ever ask for. Thank you, Ace. I-I... I own you a big time.” I didn’t want him to stay longer, I needed him to do so, but I could see that he was tired and the tension between him and Shanks was visible. He had really done more for me than I could ask for – he did safe my life, as no one knew what that guy could have done to me.

“You don’t own me anything.” Ace half smiled at me and before he left, he stopped for a second and looked over his shoulder at me. “Take care, doll.” He told me before he closed the door behind himself.

********

It has been a week and some days since the ‘accident’ happened. My phone was blowing after I got out of the hospital. Nami even called me crying and I had to reassure her that I was fine, and it wasn’t her fault. The only thing I requested from everyone were two things: first – no one at our university must find out about what happened as I didn’t want people coming at me and asking me questions and whatsoever, and second for some piece and quiet. Then I had to face my dad, which was the hardest conversation I had with him in a while. He had come here the day after I came back from the hospital. The conversation was long and very emotional, but at least he wasn’t as harsh as Shanks was, and it was nice to have him so close to me again. Speaking of Shanks, he had calmed down, but at the same time I understood where his frustration came from, and I knew that he reacted this way out of love and care for me. My father and Shanks were checking on me everyday to a point where they were becoming a little annoying, but again probably if I were on their place I would have done the same. I was spending most of my days with my father, catching up with him for the time we had spent apart. He was staying over at Shanks place, so it was only at night when I was alone. That was when I would get triggered, but I wasn’t entirely alone. There was always this one person who was checking on me daily, especially at night before I went to sleep. Ace was texting me everyday to check how I was doing or if I was in need anything. Every time my phone would vibrate, I was hoping it was a message from him and when it was my heart would skip a beat, and the smile was immediately on my face. Which was so hard to control especially when my father was around, but I couldn’t stop it no matter how hard I tired.

It was already ten something pm and I was getting ready to go to bed, as tomorrow I planned to go to my last lectures for this year. Even though part of me still wanted to be home alone, I knew that I had to go out and continue with my life. The worst didn’t happen, so I had to be grateful and continue. I was brushing my teeth when my phone vibrated. The smile on my face couldn’t be stopped as I saw from who the message was from. I cleaned my teeth and face fast and grabbed my phone as I unlocked it when I jumped on my bed.

‘Wanna grab coffee after your classes tomorrow?’ I bit on my bottom lip as I started to write a response to his message. I wrote ‘it’s a date ;)’ but just before I sent it, I realised that Ace didn’t mean it at all to be a date, so I quickly deleted the message.

“‘Our spot?’ Yes, this one sounded better.” I said to myself as I pressed sent and waited for his response.

‘Yea, you can call it that I guess.’ before I could respond he sent me another message. ‘What time you be finishing?’

We texted back and forth for good forty something minutes before we said goodnight. Putting my phone away to charge, I exhaled deeply. I couldn’t wait to see him tomorrow. I covered my face with the palms of my hands as I felt blood rushing all over my cheeks. This man was making it very hard to be just his friend.

“Fucking Ace.” I said to myself giggling.

********

The lectures finished just on time, and I packed my stuffs as fast as possible. Classmates and professors were exchanging wishes and so on for Christmas, but I didn’t pay them much attention.

“Why are you in such big hurry?” Nami looked at me curiously. I gave her an awkward smile as I tired to come up with excuse because I couldn’t tell her that I was meeting with Ace in less than thirty minutes.

“I... you know... kinda wanna go home as fast as possible, because... you know...” Making an excuse with what happened was the worst thing I could have come up with, but right now I couldn’t think of anything else. Nami sadly frowned. She was still feeling guilty for what happened. I quickly went to her and pulled her in a hug.

“Please, stop. It wasn’t your fault at all. If anyone is to blame, it’s me for being so reckless.” I tried my best to reassure her, because it was my fault for accepting the drink instead of telling the guy to leave me alone.

“No don’t blame yourself. The only person to blame is that asshole who did this to you. Thanks God that the security acted on time.” I looked at Nami confused. What did she mean by this? It wasn’t the security that stopped the guy, it was Ace. “Are you really sure that you are, okay?” Nami pulled away and observed my face carefully.

“Yes, I am okay I promise... just...” I paused for a moment. “Nami it wasn’t the security who stopped him, it was Ace.” I chuckled, still looking at her with confusion.  

“What? But Luffy and Zoro told me different story. Are you sure?” Confusion crossed her face as well.

“Pretty, sure. Maybe they just didn’t want to worry you more you know.” I shrugged. This was the only logical explanation behind it.

“Yes, you are right, but still strange.” She shook her head and looked at me with care and worry. “But if there is something or someone you need, please let me know.” She said as I squeezed her shoulders and nodded reassuring her that if I needed something I would let her know. “I know you are not coming to the party tonight, but we will see each other during the break, right?”

“Of course we will. My dad is leaving on the twenty-eight so after it I’m all free.” I gave her a big smile. We bit each other goodbye, and I quickly left the lectures room.

I was walking fast towards the exit. My heart was beating faster knowing that I was meeting Ace in just a few minutes. Just when I was pushing the door to exit our programs building, I heard my name being called. I turned around and I was met with no one else but Dave.

“Hey Dave.” I smiled at him. He took me by surprise when he wrapped his arms around me in a strong hug. I was not only surprised but confused as well. I slowly raised my hands and patted his back. “Are you okay?”

“No, I’m the one who should ask you this. Nami told me what happened to you, and I wanted to reach you out and see you, but she told me you wanted to be left alone, so I didn’t dare to bother you.” He blurted out super fast I almost didn’t catch what he said. I mentally cursed Nami, I asked her specifically to not tell a single soul and of course of all people she told Dave. “Also please don’t get mad at her. She only told me because I was worried about you, and you weren’t here and you also didn’t respond to any of my messages and I thought at first that you are mad at me or something.” He finally pulled away from me and I was able to breath. His eyes and whole face were full of worry and concern. 

“I-I... oh Dave...” I felt so bad. He had texted me so many times during this week and I kept ignoring his messages and it wasn’t even on purpose. “Look Dave, I’m fine. I promise you I’m all good as long as I don’t think or speak about it. So, please don’t worry about me.” I patted him on the shoulder and gave him another smile as I was hoping that this would calm him for now. “And I’m so sorry for ignoring your messages I just wanted to be left alone... I-I hope you understand.”

“Please, if you need something let me know.” He pulled me once again for a hug and this time I wrapped my arms around him too.

“I’m sorry again for not responding.” I said as we pulled apart. “I didn’t do it purposely hope you know this. But I must go now, we will catch some other time.”

“Do you want me to walk with you? I have time.” He opened the door for me and the cold air hit my face when we stepped outside.

“No, it’s okay, thank you again.” I said with a smile. Dave was a very nice guy, and I really appreciated his efforts and wants to be of help for me. “We should catch up sometime.”

“Actually... I wanted to ask you something.” His smile grew and the corners of his eyes crinkled. “I know how much you love ‘Interstellar’ and there is this special screening at the cinema next to my place the end of the month and... you know...” He awkwardly chuckled. “I was wondering if you would like to go with me and... yeah watch the movie.” His brows raised, expecting my answer.

“Sure, yeah this would be fantastic.” I nodded eagerly. “When is it?”

“It’s on twenty-ninth.”

“Perfect, then text me more details and we will go.” I waved him goodbye and left before he had the chance to say something more.

********

The coffee shop was fifteen minutes away, so I fasten my pace as much as I could while trying to keep my balance due to the frozen patches on the sideways. The smile on my face was growing bigger with every passing second. I just couldn’t wait to finally see him. The bubble of excitement was growing in my stomach. A part of me was also nervous as last time we properly saw each other was when I stayed over at his place. I didn’t count the club or the hospital. I was crossing the street when I saw his tall figure. He was in front of the coffee shop, smoking a cigarette. His orange beany that I loved was placed on top of his messy raven black hair. He was dressed pretty casually, a dark grey jacket which seemed pretty light for the temperatures outside and some dark blue jeans. Ace had his phone in his other hand, so it seemed like he didn’t notice me. I mischievously smiled when I carefully sneaked behind him, trying my best go unnoticed. He took one last drag from his cigarette and threw it in the bin beside him. I took this as my opportunity. Now it was the best time to surprise attack him but as I ran, I didn’t notice that there was an icy patch, and I slipped. I fall on my butt and a loud squawked escaped my lips. Ace quickly turned around and when he saw me on the ground, he bust out laughing.

“It’s not funny.” I pouted and tried to stand but it was too slippery under me.

“Yea, it’s hilarious. Did you hurt yourself?” He continued to laugh as he reached his hand offering me his help. I grabbed it with a groan and he pulled me up like I weighted nothing. I was starting to wonder how strong Ace was actually. I patted my butt as some snow got on my coat. I looked up and I was met with his charming smile. “Hey, doll.” He pinched my cheek. A shy smile formed on my face as I bit on my bottom lip.

“Hey, Ace.” I quietly said. He laughed once again and nodded towards the cafe, as he wrapped his arm around my shoulders and led us in. My breath got caught up in my lungs, not only because I was so close to him, but because I didn’t expect such closure from him. Once again Ace was full of surprises when it came to his behaviour. Sometimes he was cold and distant, not in the mood at all, and sometimes like now he was, well he was in a good mood. Once inside we went straight to the coffee counter. I haven’t been here for almost a month. The whole place was decorated with Christmas lights and decorations, making it even cozier. It was busy but not so much so there were plenty of seats. Still with his hand around my shoulders Ace leaned closer to me.

“What would you like, doll?” His voice was low and deep as his breath hit the skin around my ear. I tilted my head to have a better look at him without realising how close our faces were. Shivers ran down my spine. In the past few days, the idea of having someone so close to me was terrifying, even today when Dave hugged me it felt somehow alarming. But having Ace so close, didn’t feel this way, it felt nice and safe. Yes, it did make me nervous, but not for the same reasons if it was somebody else. “Cat got your tongue?” He clicked with his tongue as his smirk started growing. I pulled my head slightly away from him and playfully rolled my eyes.

“I will get a tea.” I returned the smirk. He lightly nodded and pulled away from me, removing his hand from my shoulders as it was our turn to order.

“What flavour you want?” He handed me their special seasonal tea menu. I took a quick look at it and pointed at the one I wanted. “Have you eaten? Do you want something to eat?”

“No, I haven’t, but I’m not hungry.” I said with a half smile. My appetite was very low these days, and I have skipped a lot of meals.

“Sorry, could you please give us a second.” Ace politely said to the barista girl, and she nodded. “When did you last eat?” He turned to me and looked at me seriously.

“Geez, Ace don’t act like me dad now. I ate when I ate, please let’s just order the drinks.” I protested. Ace huffed and turned again to the barista.

“Yea, so the tea, one black coffee and could you please add one BLT sandwich. Thanks.” Before I could say anything, he had already paid. The girl behind the counter said that she would come with the order, which was odd due to the fact that they didn’t serve on the tables here, but I guessed it had to do with Ace’s charming smile. We went to sit at the back of the cafe on one of the small tables there. Walking behind him, I was frowning. Did he ever listen to me? Before we sat down, we both took off our jackets. While I had a thick sweater under my coat, Ace was with a short sleeve t-shirt.

“Aren’t you freezing?” I asked him, my brows frowned as I was a little pissed at him.

“No, I feel pretty hot actually.” He said and sat down. “Till this day Dadan tells me that my blood is probably made of fire, because I always feel hot.” I couldn’t stop the chuckle that escaped my lips as I sat opposite of him. Still, I crossed my arms in front of my chest and gave him an annoyed look. “What?” Ace snorted.

“What?” I spat raising my brows. “Could you please stop manhandling me? I told you I wasn’t hungry. And what if I don’t like it?”

“Oh doll, I promise you if you think this is manhandling, I will manhandle you for real and then you will be begging me for more.” The corners of his mouth turned up into a small smirk as he saw the way I froze from his response. I opened and closed my mouth, but nothing came out. Thankfully the barista came with our order. Ace thanked her without moving his gaze from me. He breathed out and gave me a pleading look. “Eat, please. You told me yourself you are barley eating these days.” I have forgotten that I’ve shared this with him, but still, he should have listened to me. “I didn’t manhandle you, okay? I just want to make sure you are taking care of yourself.” He reached and placed his hand on top of mine. His aunt wasn’t wrong when she told him that he was made of fire. His hand was so much warmer on top of mine. He took it and ran his thumb across my knuckles. “I’ve promised you to not push you to talk about it, but please at least take care of yourself.” I inhaled and exhaled deeply before I nodded and pulled my hand away from his.

“Can you at least help me with it, as it’s quite big.” I said as I grabbed the sandwich, which did look very tasty, and was cut in two halves and handed him one half of it. He pushed my hand back and chuckled.

“How about you eat as much as you can first and then if you can’t finish it, I will help you?” I decided to not argue with him and just nodded taking a bite of the sandwich. It was as tasty as it looked. Ace laughed at me as he saw my eyes widen from the taste of it. “You see, doll? I know what you like.” He propped his chin on his hand giving me a cheeky half smile.

“So what else are you up to this week except rehearsing with the guys?” I asked taking another bite of the food.

“Why you wanna take me out or something?” He said sarcastically, before he held his coffee mug to his lips, taking a sip of it. I knew he was messing with me, but still his response got me blushing.

“Hell no.” I rolled my eyes. “Just curious about your schedule.” I said lifting my shoulder in a half shrug. Ace leaned on the back of the chair and crossed his ankles as he took another sip of his coffee.

“Hm, I have something in mind, but I’m not entirely sure if I will do it, yet. Anyway, wanna come over this Sunday, you have a movie to show me.”

“Why on Sunday?” I raised my eyebrow teasingly. “Why not Friday or Saturday?”

“I’m busy.” His mouth twitched. He was up to something.

“Busy with what?” I squinted my eyes playfully leaning closer to the table.

“It’s a secret.” He leaned in closer, too.

“You have secrets from me now?” I mockingly pouted. He mocked my pout, and I couldn’t withhold the giggle that escaped my lips. I finished with one half of sandwich and pushed the plate with the rest towards him. “I’m full. Thank you for the meal.” I grabbed the still warm tea mug and placed it to my lips, blowing it before I took a sip. The tea was spicy and sweet – a mixture of cinnamon, gingerbread cookie and orange. “Mmm, you have to try this.” I stretched my hands across the small table and nodded my head to Ace to try it. He took the teacup from me and took a sip of the tea. Placing the mug back in front of me, his face scrunched at the taste of it. “You didn’t like it?” My head tilted a bit in surprised as I thought he would most certainly like it. He shook his head.

“I like that it’s spicy, but it’s too sweet.” His mouth twisted as he shrugged. “I’m not really into sweet treats, doll.” Ace gave me a wink.

“Oh, so you are not into me, I see...” I raised the tea with both of my hands covering almost my entire face but my eyes as I wiggled my eyebrows playfully. The confidence that took over me came out of nowhere, which cause my whole face to flush, even Ace raised his brows in surprise. My gaze wasn’t leaving his as he let out a boyish laugher at my comment.

“Nah, doll. Too sweet for my taste.” He said placing his elbows on top of the table and leaning closer to me. I took a sip of the tea and placed the mug back on the table, leaning forward mimicking his position. Our faces were close but not close enough for it to seemed too intimate. We were just looking at each other with teasing looks in our eyes. I tilted my head bit before giving him a sweet smile.

“Don’t worry Ace, it’s mutual.” I winked at him. A short exhale of breath escaped his lips reminiscent of laugh.

“Good.” He said nodding with a smirk as he pulled away without breaking eye contact.

“Why don’t you come over and we watch it at my place instead?” This wasn’t the first time I have invited him over. While I stayed at home for this week and a half, I invited him at least three times and he always brushed me off.

“Okay.”

“Okay? Really?” I didn’t expect this response. I thought he would cut me off again.

“Yea, sure. But I will come late probably, keep this in mind.” He fixed his beany a bit, but his messy curls were still poking from all directions. I would lie if I said that I didn’t want to bury my fingers in his dark locks. His hair was so soft in a way I was yearning to get the chance to play with it again. My fingers still remembering the feeling of when he had let me run them through it while we were high. I was very aware of my physical attraction towards him, there were some feelings that were present, but I had to supress them for the sake of our so called ‘friendship’. Ace pulled me out of my trance state as he called my name. “High up in the clouts?” He chuckled.

“Yes. Quite high.” I breathed out.

********

“So how are things now with Robin?” Ace asked Law without looking at him. He was too focused on the paper in front of him. It was Friday night, almost past eleven pm. Deuce and Sabo had already gone home after a long day of rehearsing and writing, it was only him and Law left in the studio. Law was taking a little break as his mind was going to explode. They had locked themself in the studio since the morning. Taking a sip of his water Law observed Ace. His postured was hunched and he looked extremely tired. Since they have announced that they will be realising an album Ace was the one who had pushed them to work even harder now.

“Things are going pretty well. We are even celebrating Christmas together.” Law responded. Ace whistled when he heard his friend response.

“You are seriously cuffed m-” Ace got interrupted as his phone lighted up indicating he had received a message. His mouth twitched upwards as he saw who had texted him, which didn’t go unnoticed by Law.

“Mhm, I’m definitely the cuffed one.” A make shifted laughter escaped Law’s nose. “How’s (Y/N)?”

“Better now.” Ace replied as he was typing something on his phone. “Here look at these lyrics! You think they will match the verse you wrote?” Without moving his eyes from his phone Ace handed Law the piece of paper he was focused on before his phone distracted him. Law grabbed the paper and observed the lyrics.

Touch me, yeah I want you to touch me there Make me feel like I am breathing Feel like I am human

Law hummed once he read the lyrics. They were going to do good as a chorus. His eyes moved back to his dear friend. He had never seen Ace like this, and the worst part was that Ace was denying it. Ace was still keening on the idea that he was only sexually attracted to (Y/N), and what he was feeling was just nothing more than sexual desire. Yet, if Ace could get a glimpse of himself when he was texting her or just when he was around her, he would probably not recognise himself. Law wasn’t stupid he was very aware of who was Ace texting right now. He also knew what had happened and saw for himself how tensed Ace was the first few days after the accident. And now on top of it these lyrics, which were clearly written for (Y/N). Ace finally put his phone away and looked at Law. Even thought he was obviously exhausted his mood has increased drastically.

“What do you think?” Ace asked, his foot tapping nervously on the floor.

“I think they will do very good as catchy chorus.” Law handed him back the paper. “Also, I already have an idea for the second verse.” He grabbed a new piece of paper and started writing down.

“Don’t you think they are a little cringe?” Ace scrunched his face as he repeated the lyrics in his mind.

“You do sound like a horny virgin.” Saying this Law received a flying paper ball towards his head, but he ducked, and it missed him. Both shared a laugher as Law reached with his hand towards Ace and handed him the piece of paper where he wrote down the second verse.

Dancing through the night A vodka and a Sprite A glimpse of her silhouette A night that they'd never forget

“Do you have any melody in mind for this?” Ace asked, grabbing his guitar and propping it on his right knee. Law grabbed his as well and started to play around with some chords. Ace hummed and tapped with his fingers on his guitar before he followed Law.

“Do you wanna record it and mess around with it more tomorrow?” Law looked up at Ace. Both were quite exhausted, but they could handle one more hour of work.

“Yea, we can do this just so we can work more on it this weekend.” Ace got up and grabbed one of the microphones in the studio adjusting it closer to him as he sat back down. It didn’t take them more than an hour to record an acoustic version of the song. It wasn’t the best but it was far away from the final result of the song.

“Are you going to Robin’s place?” Ace asked as he took a puff of his cigarette. Law and he decided to take a quick smoke before they say goodbye.

“Nah, she is already asleep, plus we start early tomorrow.” He replied before a smirked formed on his face. “What about you?”

“What about me?” Ace raised his brow.

“Come on, bro. What’s going on with (Y/N)?” Law whined, he knew Ace was fully aware what he was asking him.

 “Well...” Ace took another drag of his cigarette. This was a good question – what was going between him and (Y/N). The lust for her was still there, but the more he was getting to know her the more it was growing. But it wasn’t only the sexual desire growing. There were guilt, shame and confusion on the back of his mind. Guilt because he didn’t want to destroy whatever they had going on but also, he couldn’t put aside the thoughts he had for her. Ot top of it he wasn’t blind or stupid. He could clearly see how she would blush or the way her breath would hitch the moment he complimented her or when he made more bold comment, or how she was always nervous around him. Ace also found it super adorable how sleek she thought she was being every time she would shyly check him out. There was also shame – the shame for his thoughts, his actions at times and mostly of Ace being Ace. The shame of who he was and knowing that he might bring this shame upon her was eating him alive from the inside. But more than everything Ace was confused. Confused because the more he was trying to distance himself from her the more he was yearning for her presence. The way he was craving their small meaningless talks along with the deeper ones. The desire to wrap his arms around her and kiss her slowly but passionate until they both run out of breath, but not in a hungry lustful way just a burning sensual kiss. At this point it was taking all his willpower every time their faces were inches apart to pull her closer and say, ‘fuck this’ and get lost in the feeling. And this weird obsession of being able to protect her from any harm. But no – he couldn’t do this to her, not to (Y/N). Yet, he had never felt this way, this desire towards any girl. The only logical explanation was the fact that he had told himself that he couldn’t have her. Yes, this was it. The answer to all his guilt, shame and confusion was because for a first time ever he couldn’t have a girl he wanted. It was all because he put a limit to himself. Law snapped his finger in front of Ace’s face, and he snapped back to reality. “Shit sorry man... um yeah (Y/N)... nothing, just friends.”

“Again the ‘friends’ bullshit?” Law snorted and rolled his eyes at Ace. He threw his cigarette on the ground and tapped Ace on the shoulder two times. “At least be honest with yourself if you want to keep lying to others.” Law didn’t wait for his response and just left. His words stuck something deep within Ace.

“Fuck off, Law.” Ace screamed after his friend to which Law responded with raising his hand up in the air and showing Ace the middle finger. Rolling his eyes Ace threw away his cigarette and grabbed his helmet. He got on his motorcycle and headed home. On the way there he couldn’t stop thinking about what Law had said to him. Ace was honest with himself, after all he wasn’t a kid. He was a grown up and he knew where his feelings stood, and they were nowhere near (Y/N). All he felt towards her was pure lust only because he had limited himself. If he had had his way with her already, she would have been long time forgotten. But now he was stuck in a friendship with her. Not like he didn’t enjoy it, quite the opposite. He really liked spending time with her, it was the fact that he was acting like a horny teenager when it came to her, but he was sure that it was going to go away soon. Maybe the whole protective and caring behaviour towards her was because he was Luffy’s age. Yes, this was it – lust because he couldn’t sleep with her and the overly protective obsession was from the fact that she was the same age as his little brother was.

*******

Sunday came faster than expected. Ace and the rest of the guys were stuck in the studio the entire day. They even called Usopp to help them with producing and final touches for the song. After two long days the song was done. Everyone high-fived and cheered once they finished the record.

“Song number one is done.” Deuce cheered loudly standing behind Ace and grabbing his shoulders shaking him.

“Easy there, Deuce.” Ace laughed at his friend enthusiasm. “Just because we recorded a song it doesn’t mean it will end up on the album.”

“What? This song is getting on the album. The chorus are extremely catchy, so this song is on.” Deuce nudged his sides and Ace whined.

“It can make it to the album, but it won’t be a single, that is for sure.” Law called after Deuce.

“Oh, my big bro killed it with the vocals again.” Sabo jumped on Ace’s back almost knocking them both on the ground. Ace was quick to grunt him. They all sat down – some on the spinning chairs others on the couch, exhaustion written all over their faces.

“How’s uni going Usopp?” Ace was the first one to break the silence as he had propped himself on the couch with one hand on the back of it.

“Good, but I’m so happy we finally got some break.” Usopp answer and turned to face Ace as he was saving some files until now. “How is lif-” He got interrupted as his phone vibrated. “Hell, yeah.” Usopp raised his hands in the air as he screamed like his favourite football team scored a goal in the last second. Everyone gave him a questioning look.

“Care to share the news?” Sabo snorted.

“You guys remember Dave?” Everyone nodded except Ace, he didn’t like where this was going just by the guy’s name being mentioned. “So, my boy is head over heels (Y/N), and I told him to make a move finally and apparently he asked her this Wednesday and she agreed to go out with him and now he texted me that he set his mind on confessing to her.” Sabo and Deuce cheered among with Usopp, while Law glanced at Ace and his face was unreadable like a stone. Meanwhile Ace mind was running wild. (Y/N) didn’t say anything about a ‘date’ with anyone last Wednesday when they saw each other. Was she even into this dude? Speaking of (Y/N) he was supposed to go to her place tonight and watch her short movie, which he had totally forgot about and just now it crossed his mind. Ace got up fast and pulled his phone looking at the time. It was still nine pm, so he had some time to catch up with her.

“What is the hurry?” Sab looked at his brother suspiciously.

“I remembered I have some shit at home I must take care of.” Ace said putting on his leather jacket on.

“You won’t be joining us for a beer?” Deuce frowned his brows as he pushed his thick black glass frames.

“Not tonight guys. Usopp thanks for the help, man.” Ace half waved at them and left the studio as fast as possible. Before he got on his motorbike, he texted her a quick message that he was on his way to her place.  

Ace felt his whole body tensing up, on top of it every red light was catching him. His mind went back to what Usopp said. (Y/N) didn’t mention anything like this at all not even when they were texting. But maybe it was a good. If she gets herself a boyfriend, then there would be even better reason for Ace to stay away from her. After twenty minutes which felt like eternity he parked in front of her building. He pulled up his phone to text her to give him the door code, but his eyes widen at the message he had received from her a little after he had texted that he was on his way.

‘The door code is 7744... also my dad is here, and he said ‘I’m not leaving until I meet him’... hope you don’t mind >.<’ Ace cursed under his breath. Why did her father want to meet him? If he had seen the message earlier, he would have at least more time to prepare for it. He took a deep breath and for a moment hesitated if he should smoke a quick cigarette before heading upstairs but instead cursed once more and made his way to (Y/N)’s apartment.

********

“Dad please, leave.” I was begging him even before Ace texted me that he was on his way. “I can tell him that you are grateful for what he did that night.”

“Baby girl, no.” My father brushed me off again. “As a father and as a man I must thanked the man who saved my daughter.” Like the diva my father was he brushed his long ponytail on the side.

“You are such a diva.” I whined and checked my phone to see if Ace had responded but I had nothing. He hasn’t even seen the message. I just hope that he would show up. We stayed in silence until I heard the doorbell ring. Before I could react, my dad was already at the door. “No, dad wait.” I called after him, but it was too late. The giggle that escaped my lips couldn’t be stopped especially when I saw Ace’s reaction once the door opened. He got taken aback and blush spread across his cheeks as my father greeted him.

“Come on in young man.” Dad moved to the side and waved his hand to Ace to get in. Ace slightly nodded and got inside.

“Hey.” I softly said as I reached with my hand to take his jacket. He mouthed a quick hello back as he was taking his boots off. Once he straitened his posture my dad patted him on the back and led him inside. I bit on my lip, holding on the chuckled that wanted to escape my lips at the sight of them. Ace was so much taller than my father so the sight on my dad short form pushing him around was just hilarious to look at. They sat on the couch and my dad grabbed Ace’s right hand and shook it firmly.

“Where are my manners? Buggy, nice to meet you Ace, I’ve heard quite a lot about you.” My father patted Ace’s shoulder as he let go of his hand. I sat on the ground and scrunched my faced from embarrassment as I heard what my father said.

“N-nice to meet you as well, sir.” Ace chuckled and glanced at me. The confusion in his eyes was so easy to read. I just shrugged as I couldn’t do anything to help him right now.

“I want to personally thank you for saving my daughter.” Dad’s voice got serious and stern. “Shanks and I own you a big time, because I don’t want to think what would have happened to my precious baby girl if you haven’t interfered on time.”

“Sir plea-” My dad was quick to correct Ace to call him by his name. “Buggy, okay.” Ace chuckled. “You own me nothing, I did what I had to do.”

“Ah, so modest.” Dad dramatically gripped his t-shirt in a fist where his heart was, and I rolled my eyes.

“Now this is his usual behaviour.” I said to Ace, and he laughed.

“She always has a comment to make towards my behaviour.” Dad nudged Ace with his elbow.

“Actually, me and my brothers are big fans of your comedy.” Ace turned to my dad with a charming smile.

“Oh dear, my heart is going to explode. But I’m a fan of your band, too.”

“No way, you are kidding me.” Ace’s brows raised in surprised, and his eyes lit with happiness. He looked at me in a way to confirm if my father was messing up with him or not.

“He is a fan, Ace.” I nodded with a smile.

“Damn... honestly if my brothers know that I’ve met you they would be so jealous.” Ace laughed in disbelief.

“Not to flex but I am a singer myself.” My dad stuck his nose in the air. Before I could say something, my dad started to sing and all I wanted in this moment was for the ground to open and swallow me whole. He might have been a very good comedian, but the same couldn’t be said for his singing.

“Dad, dad.” I called interrupting him. “I think Ace got it that you are vocally gifted, no need for more.”

“If you need a back singer, you could always call me.” He winked at Ace and who started to laugh. One thing about Ace that I adored was the fact that when he was truly feeling a certain way his whole body was showing it. Like right now, his boyish laugher filled up the room while his shoulders and stomach muscles were flexing. His smile was reaching his eyes, and I took a mental picture of this moment in my mind.

“I would definitely make this phone call Buggy.” Ace said once his laugher calmed.

“Talking about singing, have you heard my daughter singing?” Dad turned to me; his eyes filled with mischievous.

“Never.” Ace turned his attention to me as well.

“And you won’t.” I was quick to say.

“Ace, buddy – imagine this.” Dad wrapped his arm around Ace broad shoulders and started to paint a picture with his other hand. “Imagine a deaf person who gets their hearing back and then they hear my daughter sing. Tears start to fall from their eyes, but not from the beauty of her voice but because they are wishing to turn back time and never hear a sound again.” Ace looked at me and his face scrunched as he shook his head.

“Poor deaf person.” He said as he winked at me.

“Hey, I sing bad but not this bad.” I was quick to defend myself.

“You know when she was around four years old, she found an ukulele.” I covered my face with the palms of my hands as I could easily die from embarrassment knowing which story my father was about to tell him. “She then proceeded lock me in her bedroom and until she was done with the three hour performance which mind you ended with the words ‘daddy I think I’m going to shit myself’ I had to endure- ” I was quick to interrupt him as Ace heard enough. Ace on the other hand, had his head back as he was laughing hard while holding on his stomach.

“Dad... I think it’s time for you to leave.”  

“Oh, come on. You were adorable. Should I tell him your beans story from when you were nineteen.” My dad wanted to die tonight.

“Okay, that was enough.” I got up on my feet and went to grab my father to leave. Him and Ace tried to protest but dad got the hint.

“Well, Ace it was a pleasure to meet you and again thank you.” He grabbed his hand again and shook it before he got up. My mouth set in a hard line as I shoot my eyes to the door making my dad leave faster. “Okay, okay I’m leaving, relax.” Dad quickly put his jacket and boots. Ace got up and got closer to me and my dad.

“It was nice to meet you as well Buggy, hopefully we get to meet some time again.” Ace said to my dad who was at the door. I was wrapped in a crushing hug by him, and he wasn’t letting me go.

“Oh, we are meeting again this is for sure.” Dad realised me from his grip and grabbed the door handle to open the door. Just before he closed it, he stopped and looked at me and Ace. “And don’t forget condoms, I’m too young to become a grandpa.” Before I could curse my father, he the shut the door closed and his loud laugher could be heard in the hallway of the building.

“I-I’m so, so s-sorry.” I turned back to Ace who had the same was holding his laughter. “He was kidding, and he is too much sometimes, like he is such a diva.” I raised my hands in the air as I passed by Ace to go and sit on the couch. He shook his head, and laugher left his lips.

“I think his advice was pretty good.” Ace smirked as he sat next to me, propping one hand on the back of the sofa. I leaned on his shoulder and tilted my head to have a better look at him.

“Ha-ha, you two should do a stand up together.” I said with a mocking tone.  

“Oh, someone is sassy tonight.” Ace lowered his head a bit which led to his face coming closer to mine.

“You just met the diva who raised me, is a little sass too much now?” I raised my brow and fluttered my eyelashes.

“You are never too much, doll.” He cupped my cheek with his free hand and caressed it. Even though my pulse has increased because of how intimate it felt to be this close to him, but at the same time it felt so right and natural. I couldn’t help but wonder if he felt the same way. My eyes drafted to his lips, his full and alluring lips. They curved in a little smile and moved. I moved my eyes back to his eyes and questionably hummed as I didn’t hear what he said. He smirked and whispered him my ear.

“As I recall we have a movie to watch.”

“Yes, right.” I breathed out and quickly got up from the couch. Clearing my throat, I looked around and saw my laptop laying on my bed. I sat on my bed and opened it. “Okay, found it. Come.” I patted my bed without realising how me inviting him to come and sit on my bed might come off as. I looked at him and tilted my head to the bed. “Ace, come.” He finally got up and crossed the room in just six steps and stood in front of my bed. I moved and positioned myself next to the wall as I leaned my body on the headboard. Ace did the same as me, but he kept some distance, and then it hit me.

“U-um if you feel m-more comfortable on the couch we can move there.”

“Nah, it’s okay.” He said and pointed with his chin towards the laptop to play the movie.

“Oh my, I forgot to ask you if you want something to drink?” I slapped my face and put the laptop on the side as I got up quickly.

“Water is fine.” He called after me. I filled up two glasses with water and while walking toward the bed I drank half of mine. Standing next to the bed I handed Ace his glass and he thanked me while taking a sip of it. We put the glasses on top of the nightstand next to the bed. I went to the edge of the bed and crawed on it, leaning on the headboard again. “Can I finally see the movie?” His eyelids slightly drooped as the corners of his mouth turned up. I hummed and grabbed the laptop pressing play. The movie was five minutes long, so it didn’t take much time to watched it. The moment it ended I turned my head to Ace all on pins and needles for his opinion on the movie. He slightly leaned closer to me and looked in my eyes. “That was cute. Not gonna lie, I was rooting for the guy to get the girl.”

“Really?” I smiled biting my lower lip. He nodded. “But did you like it?”

“Yea, as I said it was a cute movie.” He crossed his arms across his chest making his biceps flex a bit.

“But...? I can sense the ‘but’.” I poked his bicep with my finger. He chuckled and took a deep breath.

“Okay you got me. It was a cute short movie okay, but you could do way better than this.” He tilted his head a bit, taking a better look at my face. “But this doesn’t mean that the movie was bad, it means I know you can go way beyond this and kill it.” His voice was low but also soft. I put the laptop on the side and lowered my head.

“Ace... can... can I hug you?” I quietly asked not daring to look at him as my face was flaming hot. He opened his arms and pulled me in a hug. I buried my head in his muscular chest and took a deep breath inhaling the scent of his perfume. “Thank you.” I whispered and tightened my arms around him. He softly hummed in response. I looked up and I saw how he was fighting the fatigue which was mixture of his long day and narcolepsy. “Are you tired? You can stay here, and I can sleep on the couch.”

“No... yes actually I’m tired but I haven’t taken my pills in like four days as I ran out of them and it’s really hard to fight the sleep right now.” His right hand ran circles on my back while with his left he was rubbing his eyes with the back of it. As much as I didn’t want to, I pulled away from his arms but still stayed closer to his body.

“Did you finish the song?” My voice was soft as I tired to keep it low, he was obviously going to fall asleep any second now.

“Mhh, wanna heard it?” He shook his head as he tried to wake himself up. I nodded eagerly as he pulled his phone from this back pocket.

“What is it called?”

“A little death.” Ace handed me his phone and I pressed play. Focused on the song, I still saw how his head flopped on the side as sleep took over him and I couldn’t help but cooed to myself. To be honest I wasn’t sure if he was asleep or he had an episode but I let him be as I listened to the song.

Touch me, yeah I want you to touch me there Make me feel like I am breathing Feel like I am human

I wondered who wrote the song. Knowing Ace I doubt it was him, he had told me he wasn’t into writing ‘romantic’ songs, so it was either Sabo or Law. The song finished and I heard Ace sleepy and raspy voice.

“Did you lik- fuck.” His eyes rolled back as sleep took over him again. I giggled, he was adorable and now I knew for sure that it wasn’t just fatigue from the long hours in the studio in the past few days, but he was in fact having little episodes. Ace jerked awake in a few seconds. “Yeah, so you liked it?” He tried to stand but I extended my had and stopped him.

“I can’t wait for you guys to realise it officially.” My lips curved into a smile. “Also sleep, you can’t drive like this.”

“No, I’ll go home just... just...” And another episode. I sighed no matter how stubborn he was his narcolepsy was taking over his body. His whole body jerked as he woke up again. “Just give me a minute or so okay.”

“Ace let me woman handle you.” I said teasingly with a light tone, and he rolled his eyes at me with a snort. “Now get up and get under the covers.”

“I can sleep on the couch.” He protested as he sat up on my bed, but I didn’t let him get up as I extended my hand and placed it on his chest.

“Ace, just get under the covers.” I said, shooting a pointed glance towards the bed.

“I’m with outside clothes.” He got up and crossed his arms, giving me a smart look.

“I need to wash my sheets anyway. Or just take your clothes off I won’t look.” I huffed, he was so stubborn.

“Yea, bet.” He raised his brow and took a step closer to me. With a smug smirk on his face, he took off his t-shirt tossing it on the bed. I was face to face with his hard muscular chest. My mouth ran dry as I draw in sharp breath and moved my eyes away from his body. The sudden urge to clench my thighs as I felt heat rushing to my core was painful. But I couldn’t move as I didn’t want to give myself away. “Hm, yeah... woman handling me.” He teased licking his lower lip. I cleared my dry throat and slowly looked at his face giving all my willpower not to trace my gaze down on his body.

“Stop flashing your titts around.” I hissed but my voice trembled. “You can’t be serious that you are leaving and driving at this state.”

“The episodes will go away soon, no need to worry.” He shrugged as he reached and ruffled the top of my head. I pushed his hand away and sighed annoyed. “Let’s just sit and talk until they go away.” Ace leaned closer to me which made me froze on my spot as the heat in my body haven’t left yet. But he did lean closer only to grab his t-shirt and put it back on. “Weren’t you the one insisting to get in bed? Go on.” He sat down on the bed and patted the side next to the wall for me to get on the bed and sit. I hopped on the bed quickly trying to ignore the wet patched that could feel formed on my underwear and leaned on the headboard. Pulling my legs closer to my body I couldn’t help but clenched my thighs. My eyes shut closed at the feeling it was too much, it was like a torture. My whole body was on fire and all he did was taking his shirt off. This wasn’t the first time I have seen him without one but this time it affected me differently. The lyrics of his new song stuck to my mind. ‘Touch me... just touch me...’ I was screaming inside my mind. As he could read my mind Ace placed his hand on my knee which made my body jerk away slightly as my eyes shot open. He had leaned on the headboard as well but this time he was closer to me. “You alright, doll?” His voice became deeper and raspier. I half nodded with a hummed. “You sure? You seem a little... breathless.” His mouth twitched and his dark brown eyes has gotten even darker. The hand that was placed on my knee slowly traced its way to the middle of my thigh, giving it a slight squeeze. If it wasn’t for the leggings I was wearing, probably my skin was going to be on fire. He knew. The look in his half-lidded eyes couldn’t fool me. I might be lightheaded right now because of my increased pulse and the ache between my thighs but Ace knew what he was doing. He was aware of the state he got me in, and he was enjoying it. “Say something, baby.” Baby? This was new, but the way he said it made it sound so sultry. I opened my mouth to say something, but he squeezed on my thigh once again which draw out a desperate whispered out of me. “What was that?” Tilted his head slightly acting as he didn’t hear what escaped my lips just seconds ago. I swallowed hard and licked my lips trying to think of something to say. Something to distract me from the fire within me.

“Why... why ‘A little death’?” I blurted out. My question was unexpected and while Ace pulled away from me a bit, his hand stayed on my thigh.

“It’s a translation from a French phrase.” His eyes shifted from mine as he turned his head slightly away. Now observing his side profile, it was even harder to read him.

“What is the phrase? What does it mean?” My voice came out as a whispered. A puff of air escaped his nose in a makeshift laugh.

“‘La petite mort’. It means post-orgasm sensation as likened to death.” His index finger was running small circles on my thigh, in a way I was experiencing my own little death.

“I didn’t know you speak French.”

“I don’t. But I know a thing or two.” He side glanced me with a smirk. With one last squeeze on my thigh, he suddenly got up from the bed straitened his back. “Okay, I’m going now.”

“No, stay.” I got on my knees on the bed and held on his hand. “I will sleep on the couch as I said, and you can ta-”

“(Y/N), no.” His tone was gentle but the look on his face was stern. Not only this but this time he turned to me with my name, something he barely ever did. “I’m going home and you are sleeping in your own bed.” I felt like a child who is being scolded by their parents. Lowering my head I let go of his hand and stood up from the bed. We walked to the entrance and didn’t say anything until Ace was at the door ready to leave as he put his boots and jacket on.

“Can you at least text me when you get home?” Leaning on the wall I didn’t dare to look at him. In a way I was exhausted of his sudden mood changes.

“Sure.” He replied as he opened the door. “Take care, doll.” Was the last thing he said to be before closing the door behind him.

*********

Christmas came and went. Early in the morning today Shanks and I sent off my dad to the airport. The three weeks he had been here went by so fast, but it was so nice to be able to spend time with him again. We also got to meet Natasha over the holidays. She was so fun and nice. Having barely six years age difference between us we quickly found things we both like and we talked about going out together someday. Even after all the fun I had, Ace didn’t leave my mind for even a second. Since he was at my place last Sunday the only thing, we have texted each other was ‘Merry Christmas’ and it was me who reached out first. The burning sensation from Sunday night was still so fresh in my mind. Why did he tease me like that? Why didn’t he do anything when he was fully aware of the fact that I desired him, probably more than he did me. Was it because of our so called ‘friendship’? It’s not even a proper one so I doubt anything was going to change if we had lost ourselves in the moment. Or I was entirely wrong, and a lot was going to change if we had done something that night. Deep down I knew myself, he had already swept me off my feet, the fact that just seeing him shirtless got me all heated was enough to prove me that if something more was to happen in the past Sunday, maybe there was going to be a lot of regret after. Maybe Ace was right to stopped it before we both regrated it. Still nothing was changing the fact that I was into him, and this whole ‘friendship’ bullshit was killing me. At least if I knew if it was mutual ‘crush’ it would have been easier. If I knew that he only wanted to sleep with me maybe then I was going to take a step back and rethink if it was worthed, but no. I was out in the dark trying my best to read him and break his walls while every time I managed to break a single brick another thick wall was appearing.

It was around four pm when my phone rang. I put my book aside and grabbed the phone from the nightstand.

“Ace?” I said answering.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” He blurted out.

“Mm, no. I’m just chilling at home. Why?”

“Cool, I will pick up at eight.” He said and didn’t give me any time to ask anything or protest before he hang up. I moved the phone from my ear and just blankly stared at it. Of course, he had ignored me for days only to storm back like a hurricane. The worst part was that I somehow enjoyed this. As mush as he was confusing, irritating and so suffocating to be around sometimes, he was also my favourite company. Whit Ace, I could be myself and not feel judged or unsafe. He might have been an asshole many times, but he was also caring, protective, fun and quite gentle when he wanted to be. Ace was a bit of everything, and he always found a way to make me melt for him even when I was all mad and irritated with him. Shaking my head trying to come on my sense as I realised, I sounded as if I was in love with him or something. I had four hours until he picks me up, so I continued reading until almost six. Then I got up from bed and got ready. I had no idea where or what we were going to do so I put a safe outfit. Just a pair of jeans and a white off shoulder blouse. It didn’t take me much to do my makeup or hair, so I was done getting ready quite fast. Until I received a message from him that he was downstairs I was scrolling on my socials. Putting my boots and coat on I grabbed a small handbag before I left. Going down the stairs I realise that I had to suffer another ride on his motorbike, which as much as I would have enjoy holding him while he drove us to whatever we were going, the weather was adding to my fear. Taking a step outside instead of seeing Ace leaned on his bike as always, he was leaning on a car. Not like I had a big knowledge about cars, but it was a sport car for sure. He smiled at me when he saw me and opened the door for me once I stood in front of him. I thanked him and got inside the car. Once he got inside and started the engine I took a better look at him. He wore some dark jeans with some grey sweater on and his red beams necklace around his neck. For a first time ever his hair was kind of styled but still messy. This man didn’t know how to take proper care of his curls.

“I didn’t know you have a car.” I finally broke the silence as we stopped on a red light.

“I don’t. It’s Sabo’s.” He glanced at me and winked.

“Oh, this explains the colour then.” I said looking out of the window.

“What do you mean?” Ace chuckled, his eyes back on the road as the traffic light changed to green.

“I can’t imagine you driving a white car. It just doesn’t say... you, it doesn’t say Ace... you get what I mean?” A chuckle escaped my lips.

“And what colour you think will suit me, doll?” He side-eyed me for a second.

“Something black, and big maybe like a jeep or a truck.” I had no idea what I was talking about all I wanted was to avoid traveling in uncomfortable silence, since what had happened on Sunday.

“I like sport cars like this one. I even thought about getting the same one.” Ace said as he lifted his shoulder in a half shrug.

“Where are you taking me by the way?” I shifted a bit on the passenger seat readjusting the seatbelt.

“A friend of mine and their band are performing in a small bar tonight. I saw it earlier today on Instagram and I thought to myself why not, then I called you and you said yes.”

“I never said yes.” My head tilted in his direction, and I saw the way he tried to hold his smile but failed.

“Nah, you did.” Ace said confidently like he didn’t know better than me that he literally gave me no choice. I opened my mouth to say something, but he turned to look at me and we both shared a laugher.

“You are bad at pretending, you know?” I teased him.

“When I want to be.” He replied.

Maybe after thirty minutes we arrived at a part of the city where I haven’t been in so far. It was quite far away from where I lived but it was quite nice. All the streets, even the smallest alleyways were decorated if not with Christmas lights, then with some kind of fairy lights. Ace parked the car on a rather busy street. Before I got the chance to open the door, he had already opened it for. He even gave me his hand as I got out of the car.

“You know you can be quite the gentleman when you want to.” I nudged him on the side as we started to walk. An exhale of breath in a makeshift laughter escaped his lips.

“You said it, doll. When I want to.” He pulled out a packet of cigarettes from his jacket and took out a cigarette lighting it.

“Isn’t smoking bad for your voice?” I didn’t get a verbal answer just a shake of his head. “Really?” I raised my brow as I crossed my arms in front of my chest.

“It is, but I not planning to quit them anytime soon.” He took another puff of his cigarette.

“You have a lot of bad habits.” I murmured with a smile.

“That’s my charm.” He came closer to me and wrapped his hand around my shoulder. Chills ran all over my body. He wasn’t even touching my skin, yet my body was ready to respond to him. What was going on with me? “We are here.” Ace threw his cigarette away and led me inside a... candy shop. “Trust me.” He let out chuckled as he held on to my hand and looked at me over his shoulder. We reached the end of the candy shop and there was a big door covered with different candy wrappers. Ace pulled the door open and there were stairs leading to a hidden bar. Music and chatter could be heard. “Come on, I’m here. You are safe.” He saw my hesitation and was quick to reassure me that I was going to be alright.

“Promise me you won’t leave me even for a second.” I gripped on his arm as anxiety started to build in me.

“I promise, doll.” His voice was gentle and sincere. I nodded with my head slightly without easing my grip around his hand, but he didn’t protest. The place wasn’t big and not very full. But it was only nine pm so maybe later there would be more people. For an underground bar the interior was very nice. The walls weren’t covered with any paint and were completely naked and it was all bricks. There were led lights on the ground colouring the walls with a golden glow making the place somehow cozy. Ace led me to the bar. Behind the bar counter the wall was divided with two arches which were covered with two big mirrors and all the alcohol they offered displayed on the shelves. “What do you want to drink?” Ace turned to me and moved a stand of my hair away from my face with his free hand.

“Just a coke zero, with a lot of ice, please.” I told him as my eyes were carefully observing the place. It wasn’t a shady place but so was the ‘Ska Stage’ yet my night there ended up in a hospital.

“Doll, I need to use both of my hands.” Ace said and I immediately let go of his hand. I apologised to him, but he brushed me off. He handed me the cola with a glass filled up with ice, while he held a bottle of non-alcoholic beer in his hand. Ace stood behind my back and pointed to a tall table where we could sit. We placed our drinks on the table and took off our jackets placing them on one of the chairs. Ace pulled his chair closer to mine and I was thankful of him and how mindful he was so far. I have relaxed for a bit but still I was a little nervous for later.

“What time is your friend performing?” I asked him while filling the glass with cola.

“Ten thirty if I remember correctly.” Ace took a sip of his beer.

“Have you been here before?” I took another look at the place. We sat between two column brick walls making the space around us a little private.

“Yes, I have. Me and the guys wanted to perform here at the beginning when we started but let’s say someone slept with the wrong person’s daughter.” He lowered his head as he tried to suppress his laugher.

“Oh my, Ace you are such a whore.” I said as my whole face cringed.

“Woah, woah, easy there. Who said it was me?” His brows raised in disbelief of my comment. “Believe it or not, but Deuce is not as innocent as he might look.” My mouth almost fell to the floor when he said this.

“No way it was Deuce.”

“I’m telling the truth.” He raised his hands in defence.

“I will ask Deuce about this.” I pointed my finger at Ace giving him a last chance to be honest.

“Damn, always the worst assumption about me, doll huh?” Ace shook his head, but the smile wasn’t leaving his face. “Okay, ask him, but I promise you, you will be apologising to me after.” He flicked me on the forehead. I pouted as he did so, and he just smirked.

“Do they play the same genre as you?” I was curious as I had never heard of the band performing tonight, but I supposed they were quite new.

“Nah, they are a pop band. I am a close friend with the vocalist, they are very good.”

“Better than you?” I teased him as I nudged his elbow with mine. Ace smirked as hummed left his lips.

“You could say this.”

“No, I don’t believe this.” I scrunched my nose and shook my head.

“Yea, stoke my ego, I love this.” Ace sarcastically said leaning closer to me. I rolled my eyes and pushed him away. My eyes caught something behind him, and I squinted to see better. Ace noticed and turned around to see what I was looking at.

“Are those there card games?” I asked and Ace hummed in response. “Do you wanna play?” I placed my hands on the table excitedly.

“Go grab whichever one you want.” He didn’t need to tell me twice as I jumped from the chair and went to look at the games. The one that caught my attention the most was called ‘answer or dare’ so I grabbed it and went back to Ace. I placed it on the table and with a little jumped I sat back on my chair. “What did you choose?” He took the game in his hand and observed it.

“So, you take a card from the black deck and there are four questions, and you choose which one to ask me and if I don’t want to answer I must do one of the dares from the red deck of cards.” I explained quickly as he started to pull the decks from the box. “Do you want to be first?”

“No, you can start.” He winked at me and took a sip of his beer. I nodded and reached to take a card from the black deck. The questions were either dirty or super boring, but I decided to start with something simple.

“Okay, this one: which is your celebrity crush?” I read the card and looked at him.

“I don’t have one.” His brows knitted as thought for a second but shook his head. “No, I really don’t have one.” Ace grabbed a card and smiled. He looked at me with a stone faced as he held the card hidden with his index and middle finger. “What’s the colour of your nipples?” He asked me with a overly sultry tone and I burst out laughing as I knew that there was no such question, but he was referring to a meme I had sent him a few weeks ago. He started laughing with me as I slapped him on the shoulder.

“You are awful.” I said in between laughter.

“Okay, okay. Sorry, doll. I will try to be serious.” He looked at the card between his fingers and read the question he set his mind on. “Did you have any nicknames growing up?” I was a little surprised that he set his mind on something boring and didn’t go straight to the spicy questions.

“Yes, I did, and it was given to me by Shanks and till this day he calls me by it.”

“And the nickname is...” Ace waved his hand to me to spit it out.

“Foxy...” I murmured as I looked away when I felt my cheeks heating.

“Wait, isn’t this also you Instagram name.” He poked me with his finger on the sides and I jumped on my spot with a yelp.

“Yes, this is where my name comes from.”

“Cute. Your turn.” Ace put his card aside and I took another. My eyes lit up as the card had the perfect question for him, something that always slipped my mind and I have wanted to ask him for a long time now.

“Tell the story behind the most embarrassing tattoo you have.” I giggled while reading the card. Ace groaned as he propped this head on the back of his hand. “I’ve actually been curious about this one for a long time now.” I said as he took a deep breath in before throwing his head up and biting on his lip.

“My one and only tattoo happened because I lost a bet against Sabo, and I don’t even remember what the bet was about anymore as it has been ten years now.” I propped my chin on my crossed fingers as I was all ears listening to his story. “Anyway, the loser was supposed to get a homemade tattoo whi-” I interrupted him immediately.

“What do you mean by homemade tattoo, is this even a thing?” My eyes widen, I was hundred percent sure there was no such thing as ‘homemade’ tattoo, this wasn’t some cake recipe.

“There is no such thing as a ‘homemade’ tattoo, but we called it that. Guess who the tattoo artist was?” He looked seriously at me waiting for my answer.

“S-Sabo?”

“I wish. It was Luffy.” He squeezed his eyes shut as I burst out laughing again.

“No, no, Ace, no.” I shook my head as I couldn’t stop laughing. Ace was just nodding his head as he bit on his lips.

“He was twelve, and apparently for twelve years he didn’t learn how to spell my name, which by the way I forgot to mention, I didn’t choose the tattoo, Sabo did.” Every time I thought this story couldn’t get worse Ace proved me wrong. “The misspelling isn’t the worst part, it got infected, and it was not only itchy but also painful. But yeah, after the infection went away, I went to a professional tattoo artist, and they covered Luffy’s messy handwriting so it can look better.” He lifted his shoulders once he was done with the story, and I cooed. I felt a little bad for him, it was a funny story, but he did suffer.

“Why didn’t you remove it?”

“It added more character to me.” He playfully raised his eyebrows and smirked. “My turn.” He said as he took a card from the deck. We continued with the game laughing and messing around. It was his turn again and he laughed mischievously as he read the card. “Oh doll, I think your first dare is coming.” He licked his lower lip as he looked at me. “What do you fantasize about when you... you know... show your body some love?” My face went blank when he read the question with a smug smile placed on his face.

“There is no way this is written on the card.” I snatched the card from his fingers because I was sure he was messing with me, but no. The questing was the real and way more uncensored than the way he asked me. I gave him the card back. “I’m not answering this.”

“I know.” He said and reached for a red card. His brows frowned as he read the dares on the card. “Okay, you choose between these two: sing your favourite song chorus or let me text whoever I choose from your contact list something.” I whined when I heard the dares, but there was no way I was singing in front of Ace, so I told him to take my phone from the pocket of my coat and text whoever he wants whatever as I also told him my password. His brows frowned for a second as he grabbed my phone but then he quickly typed something and put my phone back.

“Should I be worried what you texted?” I wasn’t worried at all to who he might have texted as much as what he might have texted.

“Nah, don’t worry, the person will know it’s from me.” He winked at me. We continued with the game before we got interrupted by someone tapping on Ace’s shoulder. Ace looked over his shoulder and his eyes lit up. “Izo! What’s up, bro?” He got up and bumped shoulders with the guy.

“Hey, Ace. Haven’t seen you in a while.” The tall dark-haired guy said. He turned to me and greeted me as well and I smiled at him.

“Oh, this is (Y/N).” Ace was quick to introduce me. Izo reached with his hand to shake mine as he introduced himself. “What’s brings you here?”

“My boyfriend is friend with one of the band members and we came to listen to them tonight.” He pointed with his thumb behind him where his boyfriend was. “Oh, Ace.” Izo excitedly exclaimed. “He was at your show in the ‘Ska Stage’ and he said you guys were phenomenal. Sadly, I had an emergency from work, and I couldn’t come, but he showed me some videos he took that night and you guys killed it.”

“Yea, even I was satisfied with this performance, so thank you man.” Ace boyishly laughed as he ran his hand through his hair. Someone called for Izo and he turned to see that his friends were calling for him.

“If you guys want to join us, please do.” His eyes shifted between Ace and me. Ace looked at me over his shoulder before he turned back to Izo.

“Some other time man.” Ace told him and Izo quickly got what was going on.

“No worries, guys. Still, you can join us at any time.” He waved us a quick goodbye before he went back to his boyfriend and friends. Ace sat back and smiled.

“You wanna continue with the game?” He asked me but I shook my head. I took a better look around us and noticed how the place was almost full. Until now I didn’t even realise it as I was too focused on the game and Ace. “I will go and get us some more drinks, do you want the same?”

“Yes, and a lot of ice. But... um..” My eyes shifted around, and Ace got the hint immediately.

“You will be able to see me the whole time and I will be looking towards your direction as well.” He reassured me as he placed his hand on my bare shoulder.

“No, this is okay, don’t worry... it’s just...” I felt really awkward as I didn’t know how to say it without sounding like a baby. “I need to go to the restroom.” I mumbled under my breath. Until I noticed how many people have come, I was alright but now my anxiety and Izo mentioning the ‘Ska Stage’ triggered something in me.

“Okay, let’s go first there and I will wait for you outside or do you want me to speak with some girl to come with you inside as well?” Not only his voice but even his eyes were soft and full of concern.

“Just you waiting outside is enough.” I replied. Ace nodded and wrapped his arm around my shoulder as I hopped off the chair and we walked to the toilets. He let go of me once we reached the women’s restroom and I got inside. Thankfully there was no queue, so I got inside fast. After I washed my hands, I checked myself in the mirror, everything was on its place even my hair. Ace was waiting for me outside the lady’s restroom as he promised. “Thank you.” I whispered once I stood in front of him. He gave me half a smile and we walked back to the table. Then he went to get us another round of non-alcoholic drinks, which I appreciated because it was nice to be outside and have fun time without alcohol. And so far, tonight I was enjoying myself, and by the looks of it so did Ace. While I was waiting for him to come back, I checked my phone. I had two messages – one from Luffy and one from Dave. The one from Luffy was just ‘Ace xDD’ so I guessed, Ace texted him when he had my phone, and the one from Dave was ‘What time should I pick you up tomorrow?’

“Tomorrow?” I said out loud to myself. It took me a moment to remember that we were going to see a movie. Quickly I responded to him that he can pick me up an hour or so before the screening.

“Hmm, texting the boyfriend?” I jumped on my seat as I didn’t notice that Ace was back. He put the drinks on the table, and I thanked him before I asked what he meant by this.

“What boyfriend?” I snored.

“David or whatever his name was.” Ace smirked before taking a sip of his beer, but the small eyeroll didn’t escape my sight.

“Dave.” I corrected him, as a little sound like laugher puff escaped my nose. “And he is my friend.”

“I’ve heard something else.” He side-eyed me. The smirk was still on his face but the smugness which usually came with it wasn’t present.

“Find a better source then.” I grumbled as I turned my head away from him and crossed my arms in front of my chest.

“Easy there, doll. Did I step on your tail or something?” His voice was teasing and mocking at the same time. Placing his hand on top of my crossed ones I only glanced at him.

“What have you heard and from who?” The irritation in my voice was more than clear.

“Usopp mentioned you are going on a date with him, so I thought something is going on between you two.” Ace removed his hand from mine and took another sip of his beer. “By the way you react something is obviously going on.” He murmured under his nose. My eyes widen from what I just heard.

“Wait, what? What date? How did Usopp knew about this?” The realisation slapped me like a wet mop in the face. “No, no, no. Fuck, no.”

“Don’t tell me you didn’t know it was a date.” Ace said seriously and I just shook my head. He bit the insides of his cheeks as he tried to contain his laugher.

“It’s tomorrow and no I had no idea, he just said wanna go see the screening of ‘Interstellar’ and I said yes, because it’s one of my favourite movie.” Slapping myself wasn’t enough and Ace laughing wasn’t helping. “Ace it’s not funny. He is a very good guy, and I don’t want to lead him on.” I whined.

“Doll, how did you not get the hint?” He gave me a sincere look as he placed his hand on my shoulder and squeezed it gently. “Damn, even I feel bad for the guy now.”

“If I knew it was a date I would have never said yes.” I leaned my head on his hand and pouted. “I will text him to cancel.” Unlocking my phone determined to cancel the ‘date’, Ace snatched it from me. “Hey, give it back.” I protested instead he just put it in the back pocket of his pants. “Ace what are you doing? It’s not funny, give it back.”

“Don’t cancel. Go on the date.” Hearing this felt like someone was driving a nail into my heart with a hammer. The small smile placed on Ace’s face wasn’t helping. I did in fact not get hints, because tonight got my hopes up for a moment, but he couldn’t make it more clear than now – we were never going to be anything more than friends. “You never know you might have quite lot of fun. Give the guy a chance.” He winked at me and another nail was hammered into my foolish heard. Swallowing hard I placed a big fake smile on my face.

“He is my friend, Ace, I don’t want to hurt him by leading him on.” I moved my gaze away as I didn’t want to look into his eyes. “After all, playing with someone’s feeling is one of the worst things you can do to a person.” There was a lot of hidden meaning behind my words which I wasn’t sure if I wanted him to catch on it or not.

“Doll –“ He couldn’t finish his sentence as everyone started applauding. We looked at each other and Ace smiled. “I think they are starting. Come.” He held his hand for me to take and I did as I hopped of the chair. Making our way to the small stage Ace stood next to me with his hand around my shoulder, a very friendly gesture. There were quite lot of people around us and it was calming to have Ace keeping me close to him as it made me feel secure. I tried to shake away the pang of pain in my heart and enjoy the night. On the small podium were three people – three boys and a girl.

“Which one is your friend?” I slightly tilted my head towards Ace. He looked down at me and then at the stage pointing with his chin at the girl.

“Yamato – they are great.” I moved my eyes to the stage looking at them. They were tall and very fit. A big grin was placed on their face as they were greeting everyone. They were dressed in a super baggy light blue jeans and a Nirvana sleeveless top with their white hair with blue highlight up in a ponytail. The guys behind them were matching their outfit but in different shades of colour. The guy on the drums raised his hands in the air and counted with his drumsticks three times before they started playing. The melody filled up the space and everyone cheered.  

I'm trying to tell you I'm trying to know you I'm dying to show you Fighting to get you

Their voice was a lot softer than Ace’s but still they were as good as Ace clamed they were.

Soon as you got me You go and drop me It's cool when you burn me I love how you hurt me

Listening carefully to the lyrics I found it ironic. I was strongly relating to the feelings Yamato was singing about.

It's not what you said It's the way you say it It's not what you did It's the way you do it

I couldn’t help but look at Ace. He was enjoying himself, singing along, even tapping with his right foot to the rhythm of the music. Sick and tired of needing your affection I chose to be lonely than live without your attention

The more I was listening to the lyrics the more my heartbeat was increasing.

I scratch your sweet name Right into my skin You left me bleeding But I couldn't give in

The skin on my shoulders was burning with every squeeze, every little movement of his fingers and every time he would run his hand a little up and down along my arm. I wasn’t sure who to curse - myself for choosing an open shoulders blouse or Ace for having this effect on my body.

I swallowed the poison to get infected Give back my heart that your body rejected

I have lost count how many times Ace has started something only to rejected me, and I haven’t realised it or at least I didn’t want to admit to myself as I continued to believe that maybe... just maybe... something might happen between us. But he made it clear – friends. Nothing more, nothing less. After all he did tell me to go on a date with another guy just minutes ago.

I'm standing in the pain That's smothering me It's more becoming my own blood Why can't you see?

While he was lost in the song, I was lost in him. I couldn’t take my eyes away from him. I wasn’t the best in faking what I was feeling. Why he couldn’t realise that this ‘friendship’ was not working. This friendship was doomed from the start.

That I'm starving for your love And I need attention Or I'm going to die

Nothing could have prepared me for what crossed my mind. ‘Why couldn’t have I fallen for Dave, instead I fell for you Ace?’ It was like someone splashed me with a bucket with ice cold water. Chills run all over my body when the thought crossed my mind. I had fallen for Ace. I took a step back from Ace, and he turned to look at me. He pulled me closer to him and leaned closer to me, almost pulling my entire body close to his.

“Is everything alright, baby?” He whispered in my ear but from standing so close to me and the music I couldn’t hear him. His breath tickling my skin making it having goosebumps all over. Breath caught in my lungs I tried collecting myself as fast as possible I placed both of my hands on his chest and locked my eyes with his.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t hear you.”

“Are you okay?” He pulled me even closer and now my entire body was pressed to his as his hand fell from my shoulder to the middle of waist. I nodded my head and awkwardly chuckled.

“Yes, why wouldn’t I be?” He raised his eyebrow doubtfully. Raising on my tiptoes I whispered to him. “Your friend is great.” Pulling back from him still bodies locked he smiled at me.

“I told you.” Ace said removing his hand from my waist and taking a step back. “Wait to hear the rest of their songs.” And he was right. The band was great. The realisation, the feelings they were here, and they weren’t going to fade away anytime soon, so instead of worrying about it now, I decided to just savour the moment with Ace. Everyone was dancing and singing, even me and Ace. Finishing the song everyone applauded, and Yamato spoke on the microphone.

“A special shout out to one of my most dear friends – Ace, who I spot in the crowd. The next song is a special one, as he helped me writing it. So, for you Ace and the pretty girl next to you.” They happily exclaimed on the mic and winked at us with a big smile on their face. Ace’s boyish laughter left his lips as Yamato dedicated the song to us. I bounced on my tiptoes and wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me so he could hear me better as the song started.

“Did you help writing the whole song?” My eyes filled up with excitement as I was always looking forward for the songs he had written as I knew that when he writes he means and feels it.

“Nah, only the chorus. They are giving me too much credit.” He replied as he turned me around and stood behind me with his hands on my waist. Even though we were dancing until now we didn’t cross any lines, but with his hands on my waist all the thoughts I put aside, run back to my mind and my whole body went numb.

I'm gonna get hurt I'm gonna get hurt

The song was quite heartbreaking if you ignore the quick pop-electro tempo, and you were listening to the lyrics.

Keep playin' my heartstrings faster and faster You can be just what I want, my true disaster

Ace was singing along the chorus with them while his hands didn’t leave my waist for even a second. I leaned my body on his while we were swaying to the rhythm, placing my hands on top of his as he wrapped them around me. ‘Just savour the moment’ was a constant thought in my mind tonight. Sometimes in life what we want and what we get were not always the same thing. I couldn’t blame Ace for the way I felt towards him as he had warned me from the beginning – just friends. Lost in thought I didn’t realise the song had finished and so did the performance until I heard loud applauses around me. Ace pulled away and nodded me to follow him. He led me towards where his friend was as he held me by the hand. His big, yet soft hand felt so good wrapped around my fingers.

“Yamato.” He called out loud. They turned around and their eyes lit up at the sight of Ace.

“Ace.” They screamed and run towards him wrapping their arms around him. Ace returned the hug with one hand only as he wasn’t letting go of mine. “I haven’t seen you in almost two months man, where the hell have you been?” Yamato pulled away and grabbed Ace by the shoulders shaking him. Ace laughed in response as he let go of my hand and then placed it again around my shoulders.

“I’ve been busy with the band, you know how it is.” He chuckled raising his shoulders in a half shrug. “This is (Y/N), by the way.” He introduced me and Yamato’s eyes quickly shifted to me as a big smile spread across their face.

“Nice to finally put a face to the name. I’m Yamato.” They reached for a handshake. Up this close they were slightly taller than Ace and they didn’t even wear heels. I took their hand with a smile and shook it. Also, did they just said, ‘put a face to the name’? Has Ace mentioned me? No, no way he had. They probably meant to say, ‘a name to the face’.

“Nice to meet you, Yamato. Your band is great. And I’m in love the first song you sang, I’m adding it to my playlist.” I returned the big smile.

“Thank you, Ace hates it.” They crossed their arms in front of their chest and stuck their nose in the air, winking at me.

“Don’t listen to them, I love the song.” He said as he rolled his eyes. “You killed it tonight.” Ace fist bumped them on the shoulder and Yamato returned it but instead on the shoulder they hit him on the stomach. I felt and saw how Ace’s muscles tense as Yamato wasn’t being light with their punches.

“We used to go kickboxing together, he is fine don’t worry.” Yamato turned to me as they noticed my reaction to their strange encounter. Their bandmates called out for them and Yamato groan. “Are you leaving immediately? We can grab a drink or two.” Their smile widened and eyes filled with a sparkle. Yamato was full of energy like they had just woken up. Ace looked at me asking me with his eyes if I wanted to stay longer or not.

“It’s up to you.” I gave him a small smile.

“We aren’t in a hurry.” He said as he winked at me.

**********

Walking back to the car, Ace and I were laughing loudly. I almost tripped which caused him to get a hold of me and balance me back, which lead to more giggles. We had stayed until the bar closed, talking and laughing with Yamato and their bandmates. Them and Ace had been friends for almost five years now and both had found themselves in quite questionable situations.

“Shh, quiet we might wake people up.” I said in between giggles trying to catch my breath from all the laughter. Ace glanced at me and mischievous grin appeared on his face.

“Help, someone, help sh-” He screamed on top of his lungs, but I was quick to cover his mouth with my hands.

“Ace.” I hissed with laugher and looked up to see if we had woken up someone. It was almost three am and even though we haven’t drunk any alcohol it felt like we were drunk. The whole laughing uncontrollably situation started as we went out of the bar and some guy fell in the candy shop knocking two shelves of candies with him. Thinking about it now didn’t seem so funny but five minutes ago seemed like the funniest thing on earth. Ace murmured something in my hand bringing my attention back to him. “What?” Instead of an answer I received a little bite but sharp bite on my palm. “Ouch, are you a vampire or something?” I pulled my hand back and a little bite mark was left on the inside of it.

“I barely bit you.” He took my hand and observed the mark. “You will live, doll.” Winking at me he pulled out the keys for the car from his jacket and opened the car. Ace opened the door for me and I thanked him as I got inside the car. Closing the door and going to the driver’s side once he sat down and shut the door, we looked at each other and laughter burst out again. Ace took a deep breath and started the car. He turned to me and stared at my eyes for a moment.

“What is there something on my face?” I joked as I noticed the way he observed me. Eyes half lidded with a little half smirk on his eyes.

“Nah, your face is flawless as always, doll.” My heart skipped a beat, from all the laughter his voice sounded a little raspier, but adding to the sound of his voice what he said to me add to the blush on my face. Rasing my eyebrow at him questionably he looked at the road and then back to me. “Are you in hurry to go home, after all tomorrow you are going to be busy.” His tone was cocky and mocking but his eyes weren’t. There was something in them that I couldn’t put my finger on what it was, but it wasn’t mockery or teasing. Rolling my eyes knowing what he implied by me being ‘busy’ tomorrow I shook my head. “Would you let me take you somewhere with quite nice view at this hour?” And the smugness in his voice and eyes was back.

“Why aren’t you already driving us there is the question.” I teased him. Ace snorted a laugher and started the car. He offered me his phone to play whatever music I wanted but I choose to go through the radio channels instead. Twenty minutes into the drive, I was still changing the radio every thirty seconds. Ace glanced at me for a second before returning his eyes to the road.

“Doesn’t anything suit your music taste?” He asked with a chuckled.

“No, I just don’t know what I want to listen to.” I whined changing yet again the stations. Ace sighed and just shook his head. “What?” Glancing at him he just smiled and slightly shrugged.

“It’s not like I didn’t offer you my phone to play something...” He murmured under his breath. I lightly slapped his shoulder with the back of my hand, receiving a huffed laughter from him. Looking out of the window for a moment, I noticed that we were in the outside skirt of the city.

“Where are we going?” I turned to Ace who was focused on the road, which had a lot of curves and trees surrounding it.

“You will see.” He replied. I took a good look of his face – he had a little playful smile on it, which meant that he had something in mind. Pressing the screen again to change to another radio channel I heard familiar melody. I smiled as I recognised the song and leaned on my seat.

She said, "Hello, mister, pleased to meet ya" I wanna hold her, I wanna kiss her

I heard Ace chuckled as he also recognised the song. He increased the volume and started tapping on the steering wheel with his fingers.

She'd drive me crazy, she'd drive me crazy

We both stared humming the song.

Gonna take her for a ride on a big jet plane

I glanced at Ace. His eyes were on the road, but his mind was somewhere else. I couldn’t help but smile as he started to sing quietly as he was lost in his own thoughts.

Be my lover, my lady river Can I take ya, take ya higher?

His voice was so different when he sang – the usual raspiness couldn’t be heard at all, instead it was so smooth and alluring. Closing my eyes and relaxing on the seat, all enchanted by his voice. I was quietly murmuring to myself the lyrics. My favourite part of the song was about to come by my breath hitched. My eyes shoot open when I felt Ace’s hand on my thigh close to my knee. He squeezed it gently as he sang along with the song.

Gonna hold ya, gonna kiss ya in my arms Gonna take ya away from harm

His eyes didn’t move even for a second from the road, but the way his muscles trembled and the way the expression on his face hardened didn’t escaped my sight. ‘What’s going on in your mind Ace?’ It felt like the most natural thing in the world to just reached out and run my fingers on the nape of his neck. I felt him tensed and relax at the same time. He side glanced me and gave me a half smile, which didn’t reach the corner of his eyes. There was no trace of his charming or smugness in it, there was only bitterness in it. Taking his hand away from my thigh he placed it on top of mine and gently squeezed it as he removed it from his nape and placed it on my knee. The pang I felt in my chest was agonizing. With two hands back on the wheel the car felt in silence even with the music on the background. And he switched again... Lowering my head I stared at my fingers as I nervously played with them in my lap. I wanted to slap myself. Why did I do this? Why couldn’t I stop myself instead of ruining everything. ‘Good job (Y/N), good job.’ Cursing myself wasn’t enough. At this point I should have learned that him displaying any physical intimacy with me meant nothing, as Nami had said – Ace was a big flirt. Maybe he didn’t even realise it or if he did, he meant it in a different way, whatever this way might have been.

My thoughts were interrupted as I felt the car stopped moving. Ace cleared his throat making me glanced at him from under my lashes. He had taken his seatbelt off and turned his body slightly towards me with one arm resting on the steering wheel. Pointing to me with his eyes to the windshield. I followed his gaze and gasped. We were on a very high hill on the side of the road. From here half of the Grand Line city could be seen. Not only the city lights, but the sky was so clear tonight making the moon and the starts shined bright. While we were surrounded by the tall trees from the forest. I was in an awe. It was beautiful.

“How did you find this place?” My voice came out as a whispered.

“By chance.” Ace replied, voice deep but not loud. “I know you don’t smoke but wanna come outside with me for one quick cig?” Tearing my eyes away from the view I half nodded. We went out of the car and propped on the front of it, keeping a distance between each other. It has gotten colder than it was before but the fact that we were this high was adding to the coldness. Wrapping my arms around myself and tightening the coat around me, I didn’t do it only to protect myself from the cold air but the cutting silence, too. Ace lighted up his cigarette and took a long puff from it.

“Shit, I forgot to give you this back.” He said as he pulled my phone from his back pocket. I took it from him and saw that I had a message from Dave but choose to ignore it and answer it later. The silence was killing me so taking a deep breath and chuckled awkwardly. Ace blowed the cigarette smoke away and glanced at me with a raised eyebrow.

“You know what this reminds me of?” I asked gesturing with my hands to the view in front of us. He shook his head and waited for my response. “Have you seen ‘La La Land’?” I didn’t dare to look at him so I kept my eyes on the view but still could see a little bit of him with my peripheral vision. Ace hummed.

“Yea, and?” He took another drag.

“Well, you know the hill where they were going all the time, this place here gives me the same vibes.” I chattered. Taking a better look at the view in front of us Ace let out a chuckle.

“You know, I can actually see it. You are right.” He took one last puff of the cigarette and threw it on the ground and stomped it. Silence took over once again. The city lights were flickering, and we were surrounded by tall trees and small bushes. I wasn’t sure how long we stayed in silence until something moved in the bush in front of us. Scream left my lip as I instinctively jumped to Ace for protection. He was quick to straiten his position and caught me in his arms as I squeezed my eyes shut burying my face is his chest. Soft boyish laughter escaped his lips.

“Don’t laugh what if it’s a snake.” I squealed jumping on one foot to the other.

“Calm down and turn around, doll.” He chuckled and turned my body around. Hearing a quiet ‘meow’ I opened my eyes and cooed. It was a little stray orange kitten. Slowly but steady it made its way to us, or I should say its way to Ace. The moment it reached Ace, it started rubbing itself on his leg. Ace giggled and squatted down immediately to pet the kitty. “Hey, there. Aren’t you beautiful?” It was like the kitty knew what Ace was telling it and stared meowing. “Yes, yes you are pretty.” I crouched next to him to take a better look at the kitty but also pet it.

“It’s a she.” I said as the kitty had its tail up in the air. “She is quite found of you.” I chuckled as the kitty was purring from his touch.

“What can I say I have this effect on the kittens.” Ace turned to me with a wink. I rolled my eyes at his lame line.

“Cringe” I said yet couldn’t deny him this, he was right.

“You are probably hungry, aren’t you princess? What are you doing here all alone?” The kitty turned on its belly and Ace started tickling her. This was so cute my heart couldn’t take it. “I’m sorry I don’t have any food with me. No, no she doesn’t have as well.” A giggle escaped my lips as it was just so adorable watching him speaking to the kitty with his softest voice like it could understand him. I stood and pulled my phone and took a quick video of their interaction. “Hey, no paparazzi.” Ace turned to the camera with a big grin on his face as he continued playing with the kitten. “No, princess I can’t take you home.” He said to the kitten as it was back on its paws. It meowed at him pleadingly. “I know, I know. But I can come tomorrow and bring you some food, you will be here, right?” The kitty meowed once more, and Ace petted it one last time before it went away. He got back on his feet and wiped his hands on his jeans.

“This was adorable.” I cooed as I leaned closer to him. He looked at me and smirked.

“I wasn’t kidding when I said that cats love me. Literally if there is a cat around it always comes to me and ignores everyone else.” The big smile on his face was like of a kid who just win the biggest toy from the scammer carnival games. “I’m like a magnate for them.” He nudged me with his elbow, and I clicked with my tongue nudging him back. I wasn’t sure how or when somewhere between Ace starting to tickle me and me trying to fight him, I got pinned on top of the front of the car. Hovering over me Ace smirked.

“You know you can’t beat me on playing fight, right?” He let go of my arms and I slowly rose propping on the car while Ace stood in front of me.

“This doesn’t mean that I can’t try.” I teased as I tried to sneak attack him by poking his belly, but he was fast to catch my wrist before I could do it.

“Nice try, doll.” He leaned closer to me. I smirked back and stood up lifting my head to have a better look at him. I was so lost in our little banter that I didn’t realise straight away how close we were to each other. Thanks to the reflection of the lights coming from the city below us I was able to observe his face as much as the light allowed me. I was so used to his freckles that sometimes I forgot how adorable they made him look. The way they were covering mostly the top of his cheeks and a little bit of his nose. And those dark brown eyes, which were staring back at me, I could get lost in them for hours. As much as I tried to fight the building desire in me my eyes trailed down to his lips – his full, perfectly shaped lips. Licking my lips I swallowed hard. This close I could feel his hot breath that was causing goosebumps all over my body. With all my willpower I tore apart my eyes from his lips back to his eyes. But his eyes weren’t on me, they were on my lips. My breath got caught in my lungs as his eyes shoot back to mine. ‘Kiss me.’ I was screaming inside my head. ‘Kiss me. Touch me.’ I was burning, I wanted to scream at him on the top of my lungs. ‘Take me right here and right now.’ He wasn’t stupid, I knew Ace could feel it too, the desire, the burning, the increased pulse – the pleading in my eyes.

“Don’t look at me like this.” He said, his face was hard like a stone and unreadable. His tone was cold and pleading at the same time. Even his eyes – there was something I have never seen in them before, but I couldn’t read what it was.

“Look at you how?” I couldn’t find my voice as my mind was running wild.

“Don’t play dumb, doll. It doesn’t suit you.” His head turned to the side as he looked at the sky.

“I’m not playing dumb, Ace. Look at you how exactly?” I could feel the pulse and the blood rushing through all over my body. Instead of responding he took a step back and went to open the passenger door of the car.

“Let’s call it a night, plus it’s cold.” He held the door open and didn’t even bother to look at me, while his tone was stern and cold. I licked my lips and nodded slowly. Of course, the same old repeating cycle. I slowly walked to the opened door of the car and stood in front of him.

“How did I look at you, Ace?” I didn’t want to fight with him, so I kept my voice smooth and calm. Turning his head away from me again, I grabbed his jaw gently and made him face me. He snatched his face from my hand immediately. “Answer me.” I knew how I looked at him, I knew what I wanted, and I still did, but I wanted him to say it and to give me an answer to why it was a problem. After all... this friendship was doomed from the beginning and after tonight maybe there wasn’t going to be anything left from it.

“(Y/N) get in the car, before you make me do something I would regret later..." He exhaled deeply. "Please...” I got in the car, and he closed the door.

The drive to my place was long... too long. The entire time we didn’t said anything to each other. If I knew that this night would have ended like this, I would have never gone out. The whole car ride I was fighting with the tears in my eyes. I couldn’t sort a single thought of mine and I didn’t want to deal with it right now. All I wanted was to get home.

My street came to the view, and I unbuttoned the seatbelt before he even stopped the car in front of my place. The moment he stopped the car I jumped out of it without saying a word to Ace, and ran as fast as I could to my building entrance slamming the door shut after me the same way he slammed my heart to the ground tonight.

END NOTE: Damn… what a roller coaster, right? I hope you got enjoyed it and had fun with their little conversations and moments as much as I did while writing it. This chapter was supposed to be even longer but I decided to leave the bitter feeling for the next one hihihi ♡

As always feel free to comment, like, reblog as your opinion matters for me ♡ Big shout out to my biggest and loud supporters @3rtxaa @orange-milky @lilink @worstgenerationloser @yourfavarii @chimjii (I’m so sorry if I’m forgetting to tag someone please I appreciate and see every one of you and I send you all the love and hugs in the world 🥹🫶) THANK YOU GUYS FOR READING AND SUPPORTING THIS STORY. I’m not sure it it was going to get far without you.

writing, format & dividers © eand47 fanart @a_phu14 on IG ©eand47, do not copy or plagiarise my work.

[stagefoureddiediaz]

Costume Meta 7x04

How we all doing?? have we managed to find some semblance of equilibrium in this new world where we have canon bi buck?? I’m not sure I’ll ever know how to exist in this world but that’s fine with me! I’m still here writing my silly costume metas and having a blast in this bright new world!

No Hen this week as we never see her out of uniform!

The rest is below the cut because you would all hate me if i clogged your feeds with this beast (shes 7k)- you have been warned!!

Actually going to start this week with a uniform out of work section!

Because three times in this episode, we had one of the firefam wearing an element of their uniform out of work and its actually pretty key!

We have Bobby in his LAFD polo when he informs Athena that Harry is wanted for assault and he fled the state.

Then we have Chim at the basketball game in his LAFD hoodie

And finally Buck at the airfield on his tour with Tommy.

All three are playing into the idea of protecting ones self by being in an official capacity in some way. Firefighters (like all first responders) are of course there to 'protect and serve' the community.

Bobby delivers the news to Athena about Harry - he's in uniform because he can inhabit a small aspect of his captain mentality - makes it easier to deliver the news and also gives him the distance to play the 'don't shoot the messenger' card if necessary.

Chimney has to step into paramedic mode at the end of the scene. The LAFD hoodie separates him from everyone else at the court and foreshadows that he will have to 'go to work' its also about chimney being there as the colleague not the almost brother in-law of Buck. An important distinction - it protects Chim from being seen to favour anyone (specifically from Buck. (Buck is angry and not being rational so Chimney has protection from Bucks potential anger for helping Eddie - Buck is already feeling awful by that point so the protection isn't needed but it provides cover if it were) and allows him to go into first responder mode. (this is so badly worded but I'm sure you get what I mean!!)

Buck is at the airfield under the guise of wanting to find out more about becoming an air support firefighter - its the cover under which he is operating to try and befriend Tommy. The jacket also provides him protection from Eddie when he shows up and finds out Buck is not coming to Vegas with him and Tommy.

Bobby

Just the one costume for Bobby this week - a maroon tee that her's wearing to sleep in. we see him in this colour a lot - its a bit of a staple colour for him and I've spoken a lot about maroon tees and shirts representing parental roles in relation to the various children of the 118. Its no different here -we can see from Bobbys face he isn't buying what Harry is saying and the parental concern we see evidenced here plays out with him calling Michael and finding out what is really going on.

Athena

Athena wears a lot of black this week, which is fairly typical from her, although we are in a much more overall muted palette than usual and its missing the jewel tones we're used to seeing her increasingly wear. its a bit of a signal of returning to normality now they're back from the cruise disaster.

She starts off in black and pink pyjamas but I'm going to talk about those at the end in the pink section so we're skipping ahead to this ruffle smocked cream blouse and her gorgons head necklace is back. the ruffling is an nod to her feathers being ruffled when Bobby tells her about Harry and his arrest warrant, and the white with the black trousers is about things being black and white - for Athena as a cop things do tend to be black and white when it comes to the law - of course Athena has always been one to work within the law to bend the rules but in this moment things are black and white.

Then we have her all in black with a red longline cardigan which has a open weave that give the appearance of mesh or a cage. The show has been using Red since day one which makes sense as it is a first responder show and you literally cannot escape it when the fire trucks are red! But they have always been pretty careful about when they use bright red in the costuming meaning its appearance with such regularity this season so far is pretty telling. Its an advance warning of incoming danger/trouble/strife, but it is rarely worn by the one who is directly in danger - they will be involved, but not the centre of it. The best example of this is Bucks bright red broadcloth shirt when Christopher calls him because Eddie is smashing up his bedroom.

Here we have it on Athena in the scene when things are about to properly kick into action with Harrys story. Athena is literally a red net about to ensnare Harry. its the one time in this episode we see Athena in a bold bright colour - something that generally is attached to her being happy or having fun, but not here.

The denim sleeveless shirt/jacket when Athena goes to the hospital to visit the lady who shot her son (does she have a name - I cant remember!) and later to talk to Harry about the reality of his altercation, is quite bulky and blocky. It's far less fitted, structured or flowy that we are used to seeing on Athena. To me this is about playing into her struggles to tread the line between mother and cop - that neither role fits right. That denim is also a fabric associated with labour, it suggests Athena is working hard to figure it out.

Then we get this all black outfit when she takes Harry to the station - it is such a simple yet effective bit of costuming, especially with the silver zips and buckles- it blends her in with the police officers in the station so she can hover the line between mom and cop - and makes it look like an arresting officer bringing in a suspect.

Harry

New Harry comes with a new style!!

I actually can't wait to see how they dress him over the rest of the season because there was a definite colour theme at play here this week with all the beiges, greens and redish browns which is very not how younger Harry dressed (he was much more bright colours).

Not going to lie - my hatred for the copaganda and the fact I've been in Bi Buck land since the episode aired has made it hard to focus on Harrys outfits in greater detail, but I do have a few thoughts!

This first shirt is a map print, maps denote journey's andHarry is on a literal and metophorical journey - the literal being the one he made form Florida to LA. The metaphorical one is all about his journey to become a man, and learning to take responsibility for his actions, so this shirt is essentially setting out his arc for the season - Makes me feel like the storylines with harry we're going to see are going to be about the community service he has to undertake and him figuring things out and growing up a bit in relation to that.

Then next up we have this cream hoodie with an brownish beige pocket. the thing I found interesting about this choice was the fact that Harry played himself off as innocent. lawyers usually instruct their clients to wear white shirts to court, and to avoid loud patterns. The white is because i suggests purity or innocence, and the loud patterns should be avoided because it suggests you're trying to employ subterfuge (that you're lying). So Harry wearing a block of cream is a play on this idea. We see him in the map shirt before - when he is employing subterfuge about his reasons for visiting, and now this cream is him trying to suggest his innocence to his mother - the use of cream rather than white is telling us that he isn't as innocent as he is making out!

Finally we have check theory (my most beloved) in play. harry returns to wearing patterns - this one check and in greens and browns. there is an element of military to the green shades, its a coloour we've seen used on Eddie to show his military background, but it is also a colour frequently worn by Athena - usually when she is fighting for her family in some way. Here it feels like a refelction of that, with the added aspect of green being a colour of growth. Harry shows contrition and is willing to take his punishement, showing his growth, but also showing his understanding of fighting for his family - and Athenas willingness to do the same. its showing us tht he is his mothers son. And of course the check is the pointer towards the fact he is in trouble - that his earlier protestations of innocence were false!

Then we move on the he Buckley-Hans

Chimney

Only the one for Chimney this week, it's a very short scene where he is completely oblivious to the tone of the conversation. He's dressed completely in greys and is by all accounts neutrally costumed. this is intentional - he's not the focus of this scene and when we think that so much of this episode is shown from Bucks pov, the use of neutral grey makes sense - Buck is projecting on to chimney in this scene. Buck himself is speaking his jealousy and fear, while what Chimney says is actually the little voice inside his head that isn't in fact jealous of Tommy, but is impressed by him

Maddie

Again only two costumes for Maddie this week and one of them is her dispatch outfit, but I'm including it because of its place with a mini colour theme for this episode, which both of her outfits play into.

I spoke about the use of red in Athenas section and its representing danger, and it is in play for both of Maddie's outfits, the wearer changes though. In the first scene, Maddie is in blue - dark blue. a tee with 'The Great School' and bobcat logo on the front. I love this, the bobcat is a symbol of inner strength and resilience in the face of adversity, while Maddie is a great source of learning for Buck - he essentially raised him and has been a sounding board for him since she returned to his life. Maddie is the next level wise older sister, her point of view is important to Buck and is grounding for him. She had got him to back down from his spiral over Eddie and Chris, until Chimney came in (and like I said above, that was Bucks inner voice, not really Chimney)

Then we have her dispatch uniform and its red. This is a clever play actually, it allows the costume team to put Maddie into red, a colour we don't really see on her outside of work (a deliberate choice as it helps distinguish work from non work to the audience). Just like Buck was the angry one in the other Buckley siblings scene, her Maddie is the one who is angry (with good reason) and we again get Buck recieving education at he hands of Maddie - in her place of work where she is a lifeline to people and where she holds authority. Buck needed her in a lifeline capacity in this moment and he got it, despite her anger. She gave him the advice and help he needed.

Eddie

Eddie my man looking suave and confident - this Eddie is Bucks version of Eddie so of course he looks cool, well dressed and in a green and black combo. In nearly every scene where Eddie nad Buck have a deep meaningful conversation - one that gets through to Buck on a higher level - that works on Bucks abandonment complex, Eddie is dressed in a black shirt and khaki green trousers (the only exception is the will reveal when he's in navy blue but that is to play in the yellow blue colour theming and its a close to black as they could have a blue!), this outfit is an inverse though, which is actually really clever. Eddie (Bucks version) here is playing into Bucks fear of abandonment - Bucks version of Eddie has spent so long building him up and chipping away at that fear that to invert that colour theme and have green on top and black trousers is a fun way of inverting that chipping away at Bucks fear - this is putting another brick in that abandonment wall

The black tank top!! Its back and everybody cheered! Ok so I wrote this meta about when the show puts Eddie into a black tank top and how it means he's in an emotionally vulnerable place and once more, the theory plays out. Obviously Eddie gets physically injured, but his face when he looks at Buck after he's gone down shows him emotionally vulnerable. Yes there is a little bit of anger and a lot of pain in the look he gives him, but there is also understanding and a little guilt too.

It's the moment Eddie realises that he has unintentionally sidelined his best friend, and the effect that has had on Buck and his abandonment issues. This is Eddie showing his truly deep understanding of Buck and how Buck ticks (and because this is also from Bucks pov, its also showing us Buck understanding that Eddie understands how Buck ticks) we get all of this proven when Tommy comes over to Bucks later and clearly states that Eddie is feeling bad about the whole situation.

It is also worth noting that When Buck has seen Eddie at the gym or being sporty in some way Eddie has either been in uniform or in a black singlet and that he always looks super competent (even if he is working through things when he is in the black singlet). From my perspective, this is an interesting choice to play into because it suggests Buck recognises Eddies emotional maturity over him, even when he's not in a great place (we can discount fight club Eddie becasue Buck didn't actually see him there), its clearly something Buck admires and places as central to how he sees Eddie.

Tommy

Tommys costuming is chefs kiss perfection to me. The wardrobe department have literally dressed him as Eddie and I am living for it.

Its a way to emphasise that Tommy and Eddie are super similar. this serves two purposes - it builds a visual connection for the audience - we don't need to be shown Tommy in the army or fighting/ training in Muay Thai etc, we can mentally make a connection to the ones we've seen of Eddies in the past and accept the information as fact. obviously not all people who join the army or undertake MMA are going to dress the same, but this is television where visual information is valuable real estate, so playing into tropes and stereotypes is a key piece of arsenal.

The other thing about it is the specific Eddies its calling back to - fight club Eddie and to a lesser extent, post breakdown Eddie when he's back in therapy and unrepressing himself.

Tommys basketball outfit is really about making him stand out from everyone else - it makes him seem to appear more because the blue shorts and the light coloured top will catch your eye, even if he's not the focus of the camera at that moment. This is all about the fact that this is Bucks perspective on things - he is seeing Tommy everywhere and feeling like he's taking over/ taking away Eddie and so we the audience feel that same thing in a visual way. The thing the blue shorts do is visually connect Tommy to buck in the next scene we see Buck in - when he is talking to Maddie at dispatch - the blues are similar enough for us to subconsciously connect back to that scene and link Buck and Tommy together rather than Buck to Eddie - who Buck is dressed more similarly too in the basketball scene.

It doesn't hurt that the blue shorts also play into yellow blue theory - especially against the sunsets yellow hues in a scene that is playing homage to a famously queer coded scene from Top gun.

Then there is this outfit from Bucks loft. again is very similar to an Eddie outfit - its the same style of shirt we often see Eddie wearing especially in seasons 4 and 5.

Tommys jeans have always been reminiscent of Eddies Jeans (I mean I know they are jeans, but I promise the significance will become clear when I get to Buck!)

Even Tommys watch is similar to Eddies Christopher watch (every other watch in the show worn by the men is all black - black strap black face and mount only the Christopher watch is different) in that it has a different coloured strap to the watch face and its mount.

The other thing I want to mention quick, is the progression of Tommys costumes in relation to them being similar to Eddies. By this I mean the first non uniform costume we see Tommy in is very stage 2 Eddie, while the one below is very much more stage 3 Eddie.

I also really like the use of a purple/red/black shot tee for this scene as well. If you watch the scene through, the way its lit changes its colour as different sections of the scene unfold. The red tones are there early on, during the apology and conversation around Eddie being allowed to have more than one friend and Christophers adoration of Buck. it gives it that air of danger lurking, because Tommy isn't sure how things are going to play out. and plays into the red/blue theme we saw with Buck and Maddie in this episode - just on a much lower level.

Then it turns this purplish shade as we move into the initial stages of flirting - from the moment Buck moves around the counter to put himself in the same space as Tommy. It gives things an air of mystery, but purple can also be a colour of enlightenment - both elements are in play here and I love they were able to do this with this shirt.

The shirt turns black at the moment Tommy says 'my attention' - the moment he essentially hold all the cards on making a move - he is the one with the power here (as the already queer person in the room) and black is a power colour, so its the perfect choice for the moment he makes his move.

Buck

Buck my beloved bi disaster. His costumes were doing some pretty impressive storytelling this episode!

We start off at the air field - I spoke at the start about this LAFD jacket and the theme of protection, but I also have other things to say about it and the rest of the costume. We don't generally see Buck out of work wearing uniform (we actually don't see many of the firefam in uniform out of work tbh) so when we do its going to have meaning. T

he thing with the bomber jacket being the choice (they could've made it a hoodie which we've seen him wear out of work more!) is that on one level plays into its name and the fact that its being worn at an airfield, while on another level it low key plays into the Buck cheating arc. which is actually fun - the idea that he's 'cheating' on the 118 by claiming he's thinking about his career options and also cheating on Eddie by trying to befriend Tommy (because at this point that is all it is its only once Eddie appears that things change).

The trousers are also important. I know I've said before about how trousers are less important than tops because they are less likely to get screen time. We not here - here they are really important, but only with the context of the rest of the episode.

These are the short in the leg dark trousers we've come to know and love on Buck - he's been solidly wearing them since season 2 and what we have seen him wearing so far in season 7 so no surprises to see them here. But this is the last time we see them and its super important and telling.

We also have Bucks white trainers - the ones that he wears when he moves forward on his journey - we see him in them the entire time this episode.

Buck and Maddie this episode have a red v blue thing going on in their scenes together. In this one Buck is in red and Maddie in blue. I spoke about the red for danger theme they seem to be using this season for the red clothes above in Athenas section and it applies here - Buck in red is foreshadowing the danger/strife that the basketball game presents as that is what he is talking about and what he is most upset about over Tommy and Eddies friendship.

It's a slightly burnt out red in comparison to Bobbys red shirt from the cruise, Athenas red cardigan, or even the red he wore when Eddie had his breakdown. Its not a full high alert colour, its a more muted and restrained colour - suggesting the danger is going to be less of a big thing, that it's just a part of it rather than the main big thing

We can also see that Buck is now wearing more traditional stonewash jeans - this is the first time we're seeing them on him since Eddies arrival at the fire house. I'll explain them in more detail in Bucks last outfit of the episode, but I needed to point their presence out here.

Basketball Buck in his white shirt and dark blue marl cut off tee - its very Buck posturing at the firehouse gym and its meant to be. Its a direct reference to the last time Buck showed any jealousy towards Eddie. The shorts are different this time in that they're white/light grey rather than black, but I think this is done for two reasons - it creates a pairing with Eddie - they are dressed similarly with dark tops and lighter grey shorts, but on opposite teams/sides.

It also makes him stand out from everyone else at the game - excepting Tommy (and a random guy in a red top with white shorts that I'm living for. When Red = foreshadowing as I've talked about above, this guys actions on the court are precursors of what is about to happen - we see him bump into Tommy - a couple of moments later and Buck does the same thing, then just before Eddie gets taken out by Buck, he gets breezed past by Eddie stumbles and starts limping. Its fun and clever and not something many people will pick up on - its a bit like the role of the bullet in Hamilton!)

Bucks bright blue chunky corduroy shirt with white tee underneath. I already spoke about the visual connection between Tommy from the basketball game and this shirt. It also fits into the red and blue theme I spoke about above - this time Buck is the one in blue and with the combination of Buck in his danger incoming white shirt and Maddie being in red it signals exactly what this scene is going to be about.

The danger, in my opinion, is Maddies wrath at Buck getting physical with Eddie. Its a perfectly valid and important response from her and plays into the growth we get from Buck in this episode that is not connected to his bi awakening - the recognition and acceptance of his bad behaviour in a far more mature way than we saw from s3 Buck.

The chunky corduroy give the shirt vertical stripes and we all know how I feel about Buck and vertical stripes at this point - I wrote about them a lot in my seasons 5 and 6 metas and the blue and white nature of bucks outfit plays into the theming that was at play in early season 6 - where Buck was free from Taylor and resisting buying a couch because he was looking for the right couch etc. (and playing house husband to Eddie nad feeding them!!!)

Here in this episode we kind of have Buck going through a similar process - free from the shackles of death and trying to figure things out - who he is and what he wants, he's still on that hamster wheel in many ways at this point in the episode but he is about to jump off it.

This is the key to happiness and Lev's advice and the year of yes scene 2.0 - the same shade of blue are at play here. Lev figuring it out ('I get it now') just as he's dying and Buck then trying to figure out what Lev had figured out and essentially failing before he died only to now get it and free himself is a blue thread we've been following through season 6 up to bucks death, then the use of this shade of blue in Bucks costumes tailed off - we saw it reappear a couple of times after the lightening strike - specifically around Natalia and his continues flirtation with death - almost like his hovering around death was him trying to grasp what Lev had figured out.

Then the blue had been gone again only for it to reappear here in this episode in a scene that precedes Bucks bi awakening and his comments about being free and 'yeah that works' with their double meanings that play in the same way as lev's 'I think i get it now' just without death coming immediately after. It's a scene when he starts to get an inkling on what his jealousy is actually about. (The fact we know he's going to be back in this bright blue in the next episode in a scene with Eddie - that is very likely a coming out scene also plays into this idea.)

And the stone wash jeans are once more there for all to see!

Then we get this dark navy blue shirt with silvery white dots and yet again those stone wash jeans.

Ok lets talk about the jeans! The fact that we haven't seen Buck wearing stone wash jeans, which if you watch the opening couple of seconds of the dispatch scene, you will see are proper normal length on him and not ankle swingers like we've got used to seeing him in for the last few seasons!

The thing with him suddenly wearing these stonewash jeans is all about imitation - imitation of Tommy (and by extension, imitation of Eddie even though we don't see Eddie in stonewash denim in this episode) because you know that old adage of dressing like the person you want to be , or the idea that you subconsciously start dressing like the person you have a crush one?? Well yeah - Buck has all these new feelings that he doesn't know what to do with, but Tommy is cool and Tommy dresses like Eddie and Eddie seems to like Tommy better than Buck now so maybe if Buck starts dressing a bit like Tommy he'lI get Eddies attention back. So he's pulled out the stone wash jeans so that he's dressed a bit more like Tommy, but he's also dressing a bit like his crush that he doesn't yet realise is a crush.

The other small thing that I think is a nice nod - So Like I said earlier, the last time we see the jeans is in 2x01 - Eddies introduction to the firehouse. This is the moment (on screen at least for us as viewers) that Buck ceases to be the probie - that baton is passed to Eddie, so its almost like a symbol of him graduating and maturing in some way. then we get the jeans back for Bucks bi awakening - we see them the entire time he's navigating all these new feelings he has - he's never been with a man, so he's like a probie again.

The thing is, that the jeans appear to be gone for his date with Tommy (makes sense - he's on a date so he's got to look good for his man!) , and from what I can tell from the (super dark even when brightened) stills from the Buck Eddie loft scene, it would appear they are gone for that scene too. We've had bts of Oliver in the jeans again, so I don't think they're gone completely, but that makes sense, he's still a baby queer after all, still navigating his way through things.

On to the shirt! I wrote a whole meta about this shirt (and the jeans actually!) when we first got this still - you can read it here and I'm still a little awestruck at how close to the mark I got!

What I want to add to what I said, now I have context is that the two previous times we've seen blue shirts with dots are played upon in this scene - the lawsuit is the obvious one and the parallel is showing Bucks growth - he got jealous and worried about being replaced and ended up lashing out and suing everyone, now he got jealous and thought he was being replaced, but as soon as he lashes out, he realises he is in the wrong and verbally acknowledges it.

The diner with Maddie scene is a bit more tricky to parse out, but for me, it ties to Doug - Maddie is quick to call Buck out when he confesses to Eddies injury not being an accident, because of her experiences at the hands of Doug. In the diner scene she is determined to go back to her apartment and her life in the aftermath of killing him - she wants life to go back to normal. In the loft scene Buck is trying to achieve that end too - he's in a new world where Tommy exists as part of his life now (as Eddies friend initially) and he wants to clear the air and move forward - so he's still a part of Eddies life.

I also want to talk about the contrast between this scene and the one where Taylor turns up at his door after the shooting and the difference between being chased and doing the chasing. Its spots v stripes!

Buck is in a similar shirt - short sleeved button up in a dark shade (black) - this one with vertical stripes for the Taylor scene and he thinks he's being chased for the first (ish) time (Abby sort of chased him but he is the one who pushed for it to be a relationship when I think she just wanted a bit of fun and a hook up! so I'm not sure if it actually counts or not). Thing is Taylor only chases him after they've already kissed and when he's then made it clear thats what needs to happen. (as an aside - Natalia does pursue Buck - not romantically, but because he has died - and she is the one wearing vertical stripes

While in this scene he doesn't have to say anything, yes he flirts, but he isn't explicit about what hewants - Tommy is the one who makes the decision to go for it, and so when he genuinely gets pursued, he is wearing dots

Chased verse's doing the chasing - dots v stripes

Then we have the Pink.

Pink is back in full force in 7x04 with it popping up regularly throughout the episode.

I didn't include Athenas pink dressing gown or Bucks pink shorts in their sections because I actually wanted to talk about them here. The context the scenes they were in gave me the information I needed to figure out what I think the purpose of all the pink we've been seeing is.

Lets start with a quick recap of all the pink from the 3 previous episodes then we'll look at the pink from this episode as well as the fact I've already spotted some for 7x05 from the trailer

7x01

Athena's pale pink top in therapy with Frank

Sue at dispatch in a pink cardigan

Christophers pencil is pink when he's sat at his desk - when he reads the letter from Shannon

Marisol in her bright pink strappy top

Lola's Manzanillo outfit is bright pink and white

Norman has pink flowers on his Hawaiian shirt and he later wears a bright pink polo shirt when he's pretending Lola is still with him.

7x02

the woman who is teaching her daughter to drive

the pink roses on Hen's jacket (which I know I said play into the theme of family bonds etc but the pink has a second meaning)

7x03

The cruise ship family nearly all wear pink at various points (grandma and mom are the exceptions)

and now 7x04

We have Ashley C in hot pink at the Bachelor mansion

Athena in her dusty pink ddressing gown (and pyjama pants

The woman who shot her son is in pink

And then there are Bucks pink shorts!

All of these scenes with the pink are scenes about either naivety and or innocence

The pink on Athena is about her being naive about her relationship with Bobby - not recognising that she is nothing to fear about them spending time together.

Sues pink cardigan. Sue's line is about the civilians at risk from the fighter jet - she is representing their innocence

Christophers pink pencil - in that scene his behaviour might be naive (he's a child so of course it is) but it comes from a place of complicated feelings as he does begin to mature - he was the innocent party in the loss of Shannon and he is the one left to suffer.

Lola is naive on the ship about having an affair and thinking she could get away with it and that it wouldn't hurt Norman. She’s also innocent in the plot regarding the bitcoin (or whatever it was)

Norman is also both naive and innocent - not recognising the fact his wife is cheating, for selling up their entire life and he is innocent in the bitcoin plot.

The mother and daughter were innocent in the car crash.

the pink flowers on Hens jacket hint at her being innocent of any wrong doing (from a departmental perspective) at the car accident.

The cruise family are innocent - just in the wrong place at rhetorical wrong time and they are a representation of all the innocent people on the boat who end up in danger on that ship.

I think the Marisol top is an interesting one - it plays into Chris being naïve thinking he can date multiple girls without them finding out. But I also think it’s foreshadowing her naivety in general - I think we might either see her immaturity in some way (perhaps on a date with Eddie) which will prove terminal for her relationship with Eddie. Now we know about this date scene coming up this is possible but it could also end up being about the fact that she is likely going to be an innocent party caught in the crossfire of Eddie unrepressing himself (much in the same way Ana was back in s4/5.

Ashely C's pink dress is a representation of the innocence of trying to find love.

Athena's pink dressing gown is about her innocently and blindly/ naively being excited about Harrys return home to her.

The lady who shot her son is innocent in that her actions were brought about by something out of her control and so she can't truly be held responsible for them.

Then Bucks pink shorts are about his queer innocence and naivety about his feelings the fact that we see them in a scene where Tommy isn’t present, a scene that is meant to inform the audience that his behaviours is all about Eddie and not Tommy - that he’s naively not grasping that part of this internal confusion that he's experiencing.

To add to all of this, we have Marisol carrying a pink bag in the teaser for next week, to me if pink theory is correct then this is playing into the idea that Marisol is naively dating Eddie and that she's going to be an innocent caught up in whatever goes down in that scene (part of this arc) the use of lighter pink here specifically on a handbag is giving me babyish vibes as well (its screaming little girl playing at dress up!). As a quick aside - I am very amused that shes been dressed in a basic black top - she looks like wait staff!

And of course there is Eddies pink ensemble that is connected to either Chims bachelor party or the Madney Wedding. I have no idea what is going to happen in this scene(s) but whatever does go down - place your bets on Eddie being innocent (and or naive!) in whatever goes on - itll be fun to see if I'm right! 🤓

Right 7k later and that is me done for this meta!!! I am handing out the tea, coffee, cake and biscuits (all dietary requirements catered for!)🫖☕️🧁🍩🍪- you've earnt them if you've made it to the end of this monster! Hope you enjoyed reading. i'm off to revel in Bi Buck some more - I can't believe its happened I'm overcome!!! 🩷💜💙

Tagged peeps as always are below!

@theladyyavilee @mistmarauder @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @bewilderedbuckley @spotsandsocks @bewitchedbewilderedbisexual @rogerzsteven @wanderingwomanwondering @oneawkwardcookie @leothill @copyninjabuckley @shammers86 @crazyfangirlallert @missmagooglie @katyobsesses @radiation-run @gayandbifiremenofmine @bi-moonlight @crazyaboutotps @princesschez75 @alliaskisthepossibilityoflove @sherlocking-out-loud @tommykinarddd @satashiiwrites @lover-of-mine

(if the tags don't work its because people have changed their url (very valid of you!) and I didn't know, so let me know if you want tagging in future in the comments so I can catch the new urls!

[cremefrappe13]

Days in the Sun (Beast Ancients AU)

(I was thinking, most people only notice the Neobeasts and their followers, but what about those who suffered under their reign? What would become of them? So, I wrote this story to bring a shred of light into what happens to them in my mind. I didn’t write a paragraph for the Faerie Kingdom though, they seem like they’re enjoying life. Also, this takes place before Princess Cookie runs away, but after Caramel Arrow is injured.)

As always, Beast Ancients AU belongs to @cuppajj And yes, I delayed the Celestial Cheese and Midnight Lily for this and it was 100% worth it.

Days in the sun When my life has barely begun

Princess Cookie gazed at the sight her grandmother had become. Her eyes bore witness to everything Hollyberry Cookie- no, Dragonberry Cookie, was doing to her parents. The fear encapsulated her mind, but amongst that fear, she felt sadness… and despair. As Princess Cookie remained in her room, gazing out at the sunset, the sadness once again filled her heart and she began to cry, letting those tears of hopelessness and sorrow fall.

Not until my whole life is done Will I ever leave you…

The cloak was ready. Everything was packed but… Princess Cookie still did not want to leave. Turning to look back at the remnants of her old life and her family, the young princess made a vow to herself:

“I’ll come home after I end this.”

Will I tremble again To my dear one’s gorgeous refrain?

Crunchy Chip supported Caramel Arrow’s larger frame over his tinier body, stumbling through the snow in search for shelter. He felt the pressure mounting on him, knowing full well that Caramel Arrow was slowly freezing to death as he moved. He knew that her arm was being frozen too, in Frigid Cacao's cold and icy permafrost. The worry attempted to consume his mind, and with it, his heart, but Crunchy Chip could not give up, not after Caramel Arrow had done so much for their kingdom! He shook it off and pushed on, finding a warm cave and hurriedly building a fire as he quickly placed his comrade down next to the said fire.

Will you now forever remain Out of reach of my arms?

Crunchy Chip observed Caramel Arrow, attempting to use the fire he had built to thaw out her arm but it was no use… he started to try everything, even attempting to wake Caramel Arrow from her cold slumber as she shifted uncomfortably, occasionally shivering or even trying to speak. Crunchy Chip would be there for her at every waking moment, but even he knew that it was all useless…

Crunchy Chip looked to the skies, knowing that the only solution would be to find a cookie who was an expert on magic ice and snow. It was a race against the clock. If he did not find someone, anyone who could cure Caramel Arrow… he could lose his dear friend forever.

All those days in the sun What I’d give to relive just one…

Smoked Cheese looked upon his radiant queen, who seemed to have lost her mind to the sheer power she held now. He sighed, turning back to his smoke-filled shadows, concerned about the fate of his beloved kingdom welling up in his mind as he remembered the potential disasters of this newfound… problem. She was isolating the kingdom again, and that was not good. The last time this happened… ugh, even he himself did not want to remember the painful memory of being crumbled. Smoked Cheese turned towards the darkness, feeling as if he knew that darkness was the direction his queen, and with it his kingdom, was going towards and it would only lead them to devastation once again.

Undo what’s done And bring back the light…

Smoked Cheese could only hope that this time he could stop the downward spiral of his ruler’s mental state before it was too late. Otherwise, a repeat of the Dark Flour War just might happen, but this time would be caused by the five cookies even he himself, Mozzarella and Burnt Cheese once hailed as their heroes and leaders. Smoked Cheese decided to start scheming again, but this time, he would be more careful… Perhaps assisting that young cookie who calls herself “Yellow Feather” regain her memories might just be the key to ending this and bringing back the light that once graced his radiant queen.

Oh, I could sing Of the pain these dark days bring

Black Raisin mostly felt worry as she witnessed what Pure Vanilla had become. She often skirted around him now, trying not to be “purified” as she took care of each and every last one of the former Raisin Villagers. She heard stories on how some of them had become purified or Lambs of Penance, and she herself flinched every time she witnessed Pure Vanilla, now Saint Vanilla, “purify” (read as “kill”) the same villagers he once healed and took care of so long ago… and the loss of each Raisin Villager only wanted to make her cry. It hurt even more than losing her arm, and Black Raisin could only hope that these dark days would end soon.

The spell we’re under Still it’s the wonder of us I sing of tonight

Black Raisin tended to another Raisin Villager’s wound as she listened to Villager Cookie 2 talk about the latest “purification” inside the Raisin Inn. Her eyebrows drew together each time she heard Saint Vanilla proclaim his message of salvation and it only made her worry even more about the villagers. She looked outside, knowing that the feeling of being watched would never go away ever again because of the orchids. Black Raisin got up, leaving her villagers behind as she closed the window shutters and everything just to be safe, but even she herself knew that it was a matter of time before she would be targeted for “purification”. She could only hope and pray that the threat of Saint Vanilla would be over soon, and Pure Vanilla would come back…

How in the midst of all this sorrow Can so much hope and love endure?

Cream Puff fired another blast of “Jellius Extremus” at the Vanilla Orchids that Saint Vanilla’s Lambs of Penance had planted. The young girl wiped a bead of sweat from her forehead after making sure that the orchid was gone, and she looked around, watching her seniors and professors rally together the remaining cookies who had come to the City of Magic for shelter and protection. To Cream Puff, it was so, so hard to stay as optimistic as she usually was… even after Professor Latte told her now was not the time to give up and let the Neobeasts win, Cream Puff still felt like stumbling down and not getting up again. She was so tired, tired of all the fighting and destroying the orchids, but she kept pushing herself on. She knew she could keep going!

I was innocent and certain Now I’m wiser but unsure…

Little Cream Puff felt like this was just like the Beacons of Unity all over again, but she knew that this time, she was a big girl and a proper wizard now. She had to fight and protect, just like Professors Espresso and Latte! She picked up her staff, pointing the magic blue crystal on the tip at another orchid, and fired. Latte came to assist Cream Puff, and the two exchanged encouraging words, bring back the spirit of unity that everyone knew they needed at this moment, to finish this battle and one day, end this war.

I can’t go back into my childhood That my father made secure

Clotted Cream hurried about, as he hastened his pace to make sure that the Creme Republic would be able to defend itself and its citizens for the impending war that everyone sensed was coming soon. As he finally sat at his desk for a brief moment of respite amongst the chaos, Clotted Cream sighed, trying to relieve himself of the frustration that came with being Consul during a time of war. He stared out of the window, remembering his childhood and how carefree he once was under his mother’s care, but the security his father gave was something he also appreciated, despite all the nasty things that Custard had done…

I can feel the change in me I’m stronger now, but still not free…

He snapped out of his daze, he was glad that his people, after a long and tireless argument, were finally putting their differences away in order for the unity they needed to keep the republic going. It was all they had, after all. Especially since no one wanted to see the loss of their grand republic like they lost the Vanilla Kingdom so long ago… They did not want to lose the Creme Republic they had built with their bare hands and the progress they had all made after the losses they took in the Dark Flour War. They just needed to keep going down this path and progress forward to win this war.

“Days in the sun will return” We must believe as lovers do That days in the sun Will come shining through…

The cookies of Earthbread stared at the morning sun as it rose into the air, hoping that they could all survive the threat of the Neobeasts and that one day… their days in the sun, that were filled with love, joy and wishes, would come shining through…

[itskindofidontknow]

What dreams know about love?

Chapter 9

Dream of The Endless/Morpheus x Love!OFC

Summary: The Queen of Love has grown used to the absence of her husband, the Dream King. After banning her from the Dreaming, they only saw each other when Morpheus summoned her for social or marital duties. He would go decades without calling for her, enamorated by a variety of mistresses. It broke Love's heart. Not that her husband cared. However, after being imprisioned for a century, The Dream King wants to regain his Queen's love. She doesn't believe him, not after centuries of neglect. The question is: Can dreams repair a broken heart?

Tag: Established relationship, arranged marriage, regency romance, eventual happy ending, angst, morpheus is a dick prepare to hate, love is eoster from west germanic mythology, typos are to be expected

TW: Sexual content

Love jumped with the needle poking her skin, pushing her away from her dreamlike state. She had been particularly distracted all day, and not even the witty remarks of the Seamstress or the shy giggles of her assigned dream handmaids made her mind present at the conversation. Probably thanks to the amount of milk from night blooming jasmines she has been drinking. At first, she’d only take it before bed, it gave her a dreamless deep sleep. Offering some peace without twisting in silk sheets all night mentally rewinding and analyzing every interaction with her husband, thinking about different outcomes of different dialogues. It was a never ending exercise that led nowhere.

After the invitation to the Endless reunion arrived, the numbness of the jasmines became a necessity to be used during the day. Morpheus became even more difficult and it led her to such serendipity. Like she was under anesthesia, all that bothered her, couldn’t pass the liquid protection of the milk. Every conversation seemed like a distant uninterested topic, incapable of holding her attention. It would be especially useful in this dreadful dinner she must attend.The sting of the needle made her emerge from the comfortable dreamlike state, back in reality. It was like putting the head out of the water after staying so long under, you don’t remember what breathing is like.”Forgive me, I am quite distracted today”

In front of the trifold mirror in her quarters, Eoster moved slightly in the pedestal, taking a deep breath, showing she was now engaged (even if only for a few seconds) in the conversation. Seeing her reflection, she admired the beaded imperial waist white dress with a low neckline, even the slightest move made it sparkle. The Seamstress was doing the final adjustments of the Lady’s dress for the family dinner at her brother-in-law’s realm. “Nothing to forgive, my Lady Love, you just lost a little weight.” The handmaids exchanged a knowing look and the brunette observed the ancient entity, who was quick with her needlework.

Only for a few hours in the Dreaming and the Seamstress already knew. The way the woman spoke, with a hint of pity, the Seamstress could see right through her. She wanted to defend herself, to argue that she didn’t “lost weight” which was a polite and very court-y like to say that a lady or lord changed for the worst. They were unhappy, depressed, melancholic. Different from the young maiden she dressed centuries ago. Of course Eoster didn’t take into account the vast experience in seeing failed marriages . ‘Bigger the marital disaster, bigger the wardrobe’ the Seamstress always used to say to her protegés.

And Lady Love had more clothes and garments than a lifetime of events.

All the Endless would be present at this dinner, and as Dream’s wife, she was expected to come. Neither of them was thrilled to spend an entire evening sitting side-by-side, enduring Desire humorous glances, double-meaning questions and condescending comments or Delirium’s never ending topics that always end up in uncomfortable inquiries or remarks.

One moment she is talking about ice creams and somehow it jumps to “ Brother why you never kiss Sister Love? Isn’t that what love is?” or “It’s just like Brother when Sister Love touches him” describing someone having an electric shock, referring to how quickly a mortal could snap away their hand.

The bearable ones were Lady Death, who was always very kind to Love, and in the beginning of their marriage even came to visit the newly wed couple in the Dreaming. Lord Destiny, who was not much of conversationalist but could stir the direction of the conversation, sometimes saving the couple from uttering embarrassment, and Lord Destruction. Who was a touchy subject between the couple, thanks to an ill comment by Aunt Primness, excused as usual, by Aunt Temperance. Not that Morpheus forgave Aunt Prim. Not that Aunt Prim asked for forgiveness.

It happened during The Second Harvesting’s celebration, which are among Love’s favorites festivities. Decorations in orange and earthy-like tones, the smell of ripe apples and pumpkins, but most importantly, she loved it as a festivity for dancers. All night: Country dances, cotillions, minuets, boulangers and quadrilles. When she was a maid, Love used to dance until her shoes were worn out.

That was, of course, before. Now, Lady Love, accompanied by her husband, was sinking in a chair by his side, not holding her wishful sighs seeing everyone else partake in a dance. Unfortunately for Love, Dream didn’t show any interest in dancing. She didn’t even know if he actually knew how to, since she couldn’t remember seeing the Lord of Dreams ever take any lady or lord to one. Even if they were at odds, as usual, Eoster was always inclined to do as her dear Jane wrote in one of her books: ‘Dancing. Even if one’s partner is barely tolerable’. But Morpheus didn’t seem like the type to have read Jane Austen.

Love had her hands crossed in her lap, resting against the bright orange fine columnar silk skirt embellished with a lace pattern that covered the entire dress. Although it was long, it didn’t trail on the floor, as some of her dresses. The empire waist, low neckline and bare neck made her bosom a bit more apparent but not improper for a queen. In her hair, ribbons entwined her curls, in a variety of warm autumn colors that tickled her neck and her short puffy sleeves brushed against her husband’s satin black attire, very similar to the one he would use regularly, only in a different refined fabric.

The Endless did not pay much attention to his wife, as usual. They paraded around, doing the required social agenda, and ended up sitting side by side at their designed table. The raven haired king’ eyes scramble through the crowd. Since their arrival, he seemed to be expecting someone else, at first she thought it could be his siblings, but after he denied when she asked, she knew exactly who he was looking for.

And the minute he found her, he would give his wife some rushed mediocre excuse and leave her with her wine. At least he wouldn’t count the glasses and endlessly complain about her drinking. ‘I will stop when my king gives me a reason to.’ she once said to him while intoxicated.

“Looking for someone, Prince of Stories?”

And that was when the evening started to go south.

The Aunts were barely seen in any parties, they weren’t the oldest entities but certainly were one of the proudest. And for some reason, everyone always tiptoed around them. They were rare to see in events, usually preferring to receive a few selected guests in her realms. Which made them even more of an attraction when they came to one.

Aunt Primness had her dark blond hair in a tight updo with a delicate diamond tiara and earring and necklace matching it, her bangs meticulously divided side by side with an airbrushed finish, her light green eyes deadly-stared at Morpheus with disdain. She wore a beautiful purple silk brocaded dress, with a low neckline, short sleeves and complemented with long white sleeves that reached her elbow. She looked older than the couple, even if she was younger. “Aunt Prim!” Love was quick on her feet, giving the lady one kiss on each cheek, without breaking eye contact with the husband.

Aunt Prim knew Morpheus was looking for Calliope and any excuse to flee away as quickly as possible. She despised him for making Love miserable, feeling that one of her favorite entities was far too melancholic and apathetic, perfectly aware that its source was sitting broodling right beside her. “Love!” The soft voice, one step behind Aunt Prim, revealed to be Aunt Temperance, a kind woman, with delicate features. She was the complete opposite of Aunt Prim, although the two were inseparable. Even in the way they dressed.

Contrasting to the purple attire, Temperance was wearing a floor length silk dress in a pastel yellow color and a princess silhouette, the fabric was covered in white damask pattern, which made her even more like a sunshine with her bright red hair, elegantly pulled in a updo with pearl pins scattered through it and her short bangs making a curly front. She had a calm smile, but a warm hug.

As everyone said: One is kind but not clever, the other is clever but not kind. And one look was enough to tell each one was it.

Love greeted both of the Aunts as her husband did the same, with a polite but distant nod, ignoring Aunt Prim’s question. “Please, join us.” She politely invited, even if her husband gave her a side condemning eye, he knew she couldn’t send both of them away, it would be terribly inappropriate. “Are we expecting someone else?” Aunt Prim asked, while fixing her dress after sitting down. Love began to answer, but the aunt interrupted her “Are we, Prince of Stories?” Aunt Temperance felt the tension rise and tried to change the subject “Lovely celebration isn’t it? Prim, didn’t you say something the other day about how the Second Harvest was the only festivity worth coming for?”

A staring contest began between Aunt Prim and Morpheus, as her husband gave her a short “No.” as answer. To which the old woman opened her mouth making a “Ah!” as that settled the subject, ignoring Aunt Temperance, who was still going about the festivity. “Such wandering eyes, especially when your Queen is right beside you.” Love grinded her teeth, stiffening her posture “Aunt Prim…” She quietly pleaded, looking over her lashes to the woman, already feeling hard to breathe.

The blonde woman turned to Temperance talking as she was remembering a fun fact, a nostalgic memory. “Do you remember, Temp, when Love was still a maiden, how many suitors would fall at her feet, just for a quick glance from hers? I remember her hiding in the corners and balconies trying to catch some air. Pleading us to not tell a soul where she went. Her dance card would be filled by this hour and her feet thorn by the dancing.”

Love blushed in embarrassment, looking anywhere else but to Morpheus and the Aunts. Prim was trying to imply that her husband should feel lucky to even have her by his side. Temperance looked over the King, who shifted in his seat. Morpheus tolerated Aunt Temperance but Aunt Prim was unbearable. She overprotected Love, who did not need any protection, and had been a pain in his life since Love and him got married.

It seemed to be her favorite passtime to torture and embarrass him.”My wife was indeed very popular.” It wasn’t a compliment as he said in a matter-of-fact tone. “You don’t have to-“ Love mumbled and stopped as her husband gave her another side eye capable of freezing souls.

The Aunt didn’t seem to understand that he was stuck in the same miserable life as Love. More than that, she didn’t know that Love was responsible for her own misery. But Prim only saw that he was romantically involved with Calliope and that they shared a child together. Primness was beyond repulsed by this. Especially when she knew Eoster for being devoted to all her duties, realm and subjects, and a proper lady, which was a rare combination these days. Prim took the queen’s pains as hers, and different from most, she wasn’t afraid of politely making Dream remember who he was married to.

The most offensive of his crimes and what made Aunt Prim (who usually would avoid meeting with the king she had no respect to) to approach them was his wandering gaze. She knew many mortals with that same look on their face, looking for their mistresses while his wife was right there beside him. Maybe he indeed needs a lesson of good morals.

Calliope would be a sight to calm his heart and ease his pain, a brief moment where they could be together and pretend he doesn’t share a soul with another. He wanted to take her to those events, dance with her, whisper dark desires he wanted to do with her after, having to settle for caressing her soft tight under the table, drawing circles in her delicate skin, seeing her lips parted letting a small whimper of want escape. He wouldn’t have to meet behind locked doors, and worry about a bored wife that seemed to want to be anywhere else but with him.

It wasn’t forbidden to take a mistress or a lover after a True Marriage, but it certainly wasn’t seen with good eyes to other entities. Some of them, like Aunt Prim, were really fond of Love, and tolerated Dream because of her. They couldn’t defy him because of his Endless status, being more powerful than most, but found his choices appalling. Especially since Love, as an anthropomorphic manifestation of the four loves, outrank Calliope as a muse. They preferred as minimal contact as possible. Morpheus did not find this a problem at all. He had his duties to attend, not needing to waste time at parties with dull companions as his wife liked to indulge so much.

“You used to love to dance, my sweet darling.” Prim signed and Love raised her eyes to watch the pity in the Aunt's eyes. She opened a fake smile, taking a sip of her wine, before continuing. “I still adore dancing, Aunt Prim. Tonight, we are leaving the dancing to the young ones. Tomorrow, Morpheus and I have quite a day, our feet need rest.” A perfect crafted lie, she looked over to Morpheus, looking for approval as she awkwardly reached for his hand over the table, feeling he stiffened under the sudden touch. A very on-the-face gesture to show her Aunts that they were fine.

Her “busy day” in the morning would consist of doing the same things she did everyday, answer letters from the Garden, drinking wine, wonder through the empty hallways, tender her garden at the palace, maybe if she was lucky, The Corinthian would pass by and indulge her by telling about his day or maybe she would just drink wine until the handmaids woke her up to take her to a warm bath. If they add perfumed oils, later Morpheus would summon her to bed, if not, she could sleep or die that no one would care.

“What a lucky prince you are, Dream with such a thoughtful wife.” Aunt Prim poke. “Excuse me” Everyone looked up, and never Morpheus and Love were so relieved by an interruption. The tall broad red haired man, Lord Destruction, made himself present, Love bowed her head lightly as did the Aunts. “It was about time! Go on, my sweet child, your feet will forgive you for one dance” Primness gesture toward Love, as she needed to quicken her pace. The couple and the brother-in-law looked confused at each other. As none of them moved, Primness made herself clear “Lord Destruction clearly came to take you for a dance, my dear, seeing that his dear brother felt indisposed. What a considerate brother-in-law! Blessing for your intentions, my Lord” Prim even sounded genuinely relived.

Love felt heat reaching to her cheeks, and gulped. She liked her brother in law, but he was known to be a terrible dancer, and Love liked her feet too much to have them crushed. She could also see that smirk on the Aunt’s face, and Aunt Temperance looked as confused as the rest. “But he didn’t-” Aunt Prim raised Aunt Temperance’s glass to her eye level “Drink your lemonade, Temp, your throat is dry.” Dismissing and cutting the redhaired that thought for a moment before taking the glass. Hydration was important to Lady Temperance.

What was the Aunt planning? Crushing Love’s feet? Over a dance? Just because she didn’t partake in her passtime of poking Morpheus with a short stick? For the love of the Garden! The old hag wasn’t the one going to bed with him and having to deal with his moods!

“If, of course, Lord Morpheus doesn’t mind.” Aunt Prim never called Morpheus ‘Lord’. She was definitely into something, almost tempting Morpheus to deny the request. “Of course not. My Lady, If your heart desires, you may dance. You don’t need my permission to do so.” She nodded, hesitantly getting up and grabbing Destruction’s arm and walking away from the group. The brother still looked confused, not knowing how searching for his little sister ended up with a dance with his small almost feather-like sister-in-law. Neither of them however, have the guts to protest the old woman.

“Don’t get me wrong, Love. I would’ve asked you to dance, if I knew you wanted to, but I was just looking for Delirium and” She interrupted him, before he could tangle himself in excuses that weren’t necessary. “No need to excuse yourself, my lord. That was just Aunt Primness being Aunt Primness. Doing some scheme to get me away from my husband, so she could torture him freely.” Both of them arrived at the center of the ballroom, along with other couples, waiting for the instruments

“Is that who she was? It is true what they say then.” Love raised an eyebrow questioning, and Lord Destruction looked to the sides, as Aunt Prim could have ears everywhere “She does get you to do things that you had no intention in doing and make you feel like it’s your obligation.”

Love chuckled, it was the first humorous conversation she had since…Well, a long time. “Is dancing with me such a terrible burden?” She teased, holding a smile, faking an appalled expression. She could see his face becoming red, terrified he might have offended her. How can someone be the personification of destruction, something that causes so much pain to mortals, be such a kind soul? “N-No! That was not, what I-” Love laugh, a laugh that could make flowers blossom “I am terribly sorry. I couldn’t resist a small tease”

Destruction shook his head, responding with a small chuckle. He never saw his brother’s wife laugh or tease, let alone make jokes. She usually was, at least in the few occasions he saw her, quiet, politely answering only what was asked, always with her head down, and innocent eyes looking over her lashes, constantly looking for approval from Dream.”If I may, I don’t think Primness send you here torture my brother. I think she wants revenge against you.” Love was beautiful, one of the most, if not the most, stunning entities he’d ever seen. It was impossible not to notice. Of course he had noticed before, at the dinners, but she was often gloomy, her beauty dulled. Not the vibrant woman with a lightened smile he was seeing. Destruction could understand and even admire the courage some entities had, even after her marriage (one must be completely insane to want something, in this case, someone, that was Dream’s.) to keep faithfully waiting for a chance to even talk to her.

“Me? What could I possibly have done against Aunt Prim?” It was his time to tease. “Not you. Your feet. Only someone wanting revenge on one’s feet would send them to dance with me.”

Both of them laugh. “Well, thinking about it, some new feet wouldn’t be a bad idea. Mine's always been a bit too flat ” She joked right before the music began.

-----------

Love thought it would be worse. But turns out, for someone the size of Lord Destruction, he was quite a skilled dancer. They spliced a boulanger into a cotillions, two minuets and even one quadrille. When they were beginning to prepare for the next dance. Someone tapped her dance partner's arm. It was Morpheus. Immediately Love started to fumble with words, having completely forgotten the time. “Forgive me, husband. You must be exhausted. I should-” He interrupted her, turning to his brother “May I have the next dance with my wife?” He especially stressed the “wife” part. Destruction didn’t seem to catch that, nor the fluster in Dream’s face.

“Of course, brother. You arrived just in time. Lovely night, Love.” He bowed, kissing her hand. Dream barely let him kiss his wife's hand, taking upon his own. Leaving the couple, but not the ballroom as he had a special request to the musicians.

Love didn’t see this, as she was occupied trying to read her husband. She was glistening and flushed, smiling, even some curls were loose. A disheveled appearance. It angered him. The thought of it. He never, indeed, thought about it, it shouldn’t bother him. But the moment the old hag Primness said it, the moment she suggested it, her appearance boiled his blood, as he now could see it in not so innocent sceneries.

He had an extra marital affair, yes, but it was a relationship, before he was married, he didn’t find a mistress after. Calliope was his wife in the true meaning of the word, his confident, his friend and his lover. It could barely be considered disgraceful behavior. Love and him shared an eternal bond, a trap he wasn’t convinced she didn’t scheme with Desire. The solitude he condemned her, was a light punishment for forever keeping away from his true love. He did worse with Nada, and she did nothing like Love did.

He didn’t love Eoster. He couldn’t love or trust her. Even if sometimes it was more difficult than he made it seem. She had every quality of a queen, an eagerness to be useful, the perfect balance to his strict and ruthless rule, empathic, kind and understanding. She cared for his creations and his realm as it was her own. And through lustful lens, it was also impossible to deny how her body also felt sinful perfect against his own, it wasn’t difficult to seek release when Love received him so well, her perky breasts moving with each thrust, her flushed complexion, curls sprawled in the mattress, he could hear the light whimpers every time he relentlessly pushed inside her. She never seem to enjoy it, since he made no effort to make it pleasant to her, but she didn’t protested or denied him.

Morpheus knew from their first night, she expected something entirely different. Not a marital duty between sheets, but a love making out of the most passionately beautifully written books.

It was a challenge not to fall in love with her. He was certainly that was the reason Desire choose her to conspire with. His sibling was very aware that he was a devoted and passionate lover, that did anything to make his companions happy. If he felt for Eoster’s charming ways, he would blindly follow her and she and Desire would take complete advantage of it.

It was way to protect himself. She wouldn’t succeede in making him fall for her, if she found him completely unfazed by her charms. It was also a punishing for her alliances. A hell of her own choosing. And maybe knowing this was why she never protested his callings to his chambers.

He never looked for her out of desire. He went to her, because she was there and Calliope wasn’t.

He always thought that if Love wanted to finally give in to one of those extensive letters she constantly received from frustrated suitors, she could. She didn’t have to pretend to be a faithful wife that loved her husband, and was the only moral saint between them. In fact, this angered him, for he knew her true intentions. If she choose a lover and it didn’t get in the way of her duties, she had his blessings. Maybe it would even make her more tolerable.

At least he though this, until Aunt Primness actually suggested it.

During their second dance, the table could clearly see Destruction and Love, laughing, happily dancing, both following the steps as it was as natural as breathing. At first, when Prim suggested the dance, he thought the old entity only wanted to provoke him, without Love making pitiful excuses. But she didn't, keeping quiet, lazily moving her fan, letting Temperance fill the silence with polite small talk about the Second Harvesting.

Aunt Prim sent Temperance to get more glasses of lemonade for both of them. “Behave” she sternly told Primness, who gesture in dismissiveness. “It is so good seeing Love smiling again. That smile can melt snow, make birds sing and flowers bloom. Don’t you wish you could see that everyday?” She signed moving lazily her purple fan.

Morpheus didn’t reply, not freely walking into one of her traps. Continuing looking at the dance, well, not exactly watching it, but distracting himself, taking some opportunities to scan the room looking for his lover. “They do make a dashing couple.” She finished her glass of wine, raising to the king “A true couple”. That caught his attention, as he stared at her, his eyes cold as ice, not believing in what she was saying.

Primness, the Aunt of moralism and austere views of living. His cold stare should’ve been a warning to Prim to stop that nonsense. Not that she cared. “You should consider supporting their affection. Love has been the most graceful to you, enduring your affairs and its products." By ‘products’ she meant Orpheus. Prim never said his name, finding it obscene just acknowledging him. “ Some others, would have the mistress' head in a stake by now, and their offspring, drowned. It is only fair if you offer her the same courtesy.”

The moment she finished it, Morpheus felt offended by it, ready to get on his foot, grab his wife and drag her out of there, never to go to another one of these stupid celebrations ever again. But, seeing her dazzling between dancers, he took a moment to consider. She looked happy. His brother also seemed to be enjoying her company. Love could fulfill her duties, but she wouldn’t be moping around, sighing, constantly begging for attention. For the first time in forever, Primness gave him a useful idea.

He was certain Love would be good for Destruction, she would be attentive, and caring, having someone to lay all her love, someone to talk to, someone to laugh with, and that would listen to the futilities of the Garden. His brother probably would also be intrigued by having someone different than him, a delicate porcelain skin flower, someone patient who could calm his nature, introduce him to the variety of the arts Love was well versed in.

“Just have to be cautious. After all, a child of love and destruction would not be good for anyone.” Prim mentioned it as she was talking about the weather. That stinged Morpheus in a place he hadn’t considered. Carnal pleasure.

Encourage their affections, wouldn’t lead them to just be friendly, platonic lovers. Eoster would be his mistress and Destruction would be her lover. The air shifted. Morpheus paid close attention to their dance, hyperfixated in the couple, feeling his breath becoming erratic by their proximity.

The way her delicate fingers pressed his brother's large arms, small squeezes she gave as the dances progride. Morpheus started to imagine those same delicate nails digging in his brother back, letting red marks all over his back, as he would take her, filling her with pleasure. Skin flushed as now, glistening with sweat running through her ribs, her breasts just like in the dance, lightly brushing against his large torso, but without any piece of cloth separating them, his hand probably covering entirely her breasts and she would scream in pleasure as he squeezed them. He would hover over her, covering her entire small frame, she would throw her arms around his neck, pushing him closely, hungry for his lips, guiding him in a deep kiss, letting him take complete control, feeling something she hadn’t in centuries: Desire. A man that actually desires her as her own, not using her as replacement, a man that would worship every inch of her skin.

Destruction would give her those love making from the books, preparing her body, tasting the nectar that dripped from her core, while working his tongue inside her, arching her entire body, feeling an unbearable heat, having to be hold down by the waist. Love was extremely reactive, she would give a show, but not to Morpheus, to his brother. She would cry his brother's name, dripping from her mouth like a prayer.

She would not whimp, she would loudly moan, looking at him with stars in her eyes, lips swallowed and parted trying to get air, as she was doing during the dance. He would add fingers to stretch her, sensing if she would be able to take him, telling how good she was, whispering the most sinful praises, confessing all that he would do to her, making her wetter, while working on her bundle of nerves, bringing her to an edge. Love will think it was never like this with Morpheus. Love would jerk herself toward Destruction, craving for friction, to feel his hard member dripping with precum touching her inner thigh, legs wrapped around his waist, feeling the tip against her entrance as he position himself to slide inside her warm wet entrance, that invites him so eagerly, her walls clenching around nothing in expectation. It wouldn’t be uncomfortable as it always was with Morpheus. She wouldn’t want to lay with her husband anymore, and Dream would not be able to blame her.

The way her body felt perfect underneath him, how she stretched and clenched around him, almost making him come in an instant. It would feel perfect underneath his brother, she would not avoid his gaze, as she avoids Dream, she would dwell in Destruction’s gaze. He would never command her to lay on all fours, as he would take her from behind, trying to picture she was someone else. He would never dare to think about another woman’s while inside her. Not like Dream. Destruction would sully her insides with his seed, he would claim her mouth as his. His brother would, as everything he touches, completely destroy his wife.

Morpheus might have been her first, but Destruction would be the one she loved.

He could already see, how his brother would make mortals fight in her name, declare wars to whoever happened to displease her. If he even imagined that Dream was making her unhappy, that he was the reason she copious cries to sleep, that she was unloved and neglected. Destruction may even forget that he is family.

Those images in his head, made him indescribably jealousy, the idea of someone else touching her, someone else seeing her in ways only Dream’s eyes had, someone else occupying her thoughts, boiled inside him and culminating with seeing his brother spin her in his arms in the air as she laughs, right before putting her gently on the ground and she stumbled, falling in his arms, chest glued to chest, faces closed. “Excuse me” He got up quickly, ignoring any protests against unpolitness that Prim might’ve done, making his way through the crowd of dancers, as they clapped to the end of the music.

Little did he know, that she merely follow him with her eyes. A smirk spouting in her face. “What did I miss? Where is Lord Morpheus?” Aunt Temp said it, clueless of what just happened. “Being sensible for once.” Prim said as she took a sip of her lemonade with a mischevous look to Temperance “Oh, Primness, what did you do this time?” Temperance shook her head already knowing Aunt Prim executated one more of her well crafted naughty plans. “Sometimes even an Endless need to be reminded that all they have, can be easily lost.” The red haired woman shrugged taking a sip of her own bevarage, but couldn’t help a small smile.

“Is there something wrong, husband? We can go if you desire to. I am a bit weary.” He glanced at her, she was genuinely concerned, as his behavior was out of character “I saw how weary you were.” He said in an accusatory tone. She frowned, what in the garden's name her husband was upset about now? Laughs? Fun? Does he hate happiness too? He cleaned his throat, trying to sound reasonable “ I saw how tired you seemed, and thought that maybe my brother was too avid of a dancer. And maybe you need a more serene partner” She nodded, not believing in his explanation.

As soon as the violins begin, she recognized as the Waltz of Lovers. Her husband wouldn’t want to dance that. “It’s a waltz, husband, if you-” He interrupted her, by offering his other hand “Shall we?”

And they danced.

Morpheus and Eoster synchrony was beyond perfection, the other couples cleared the center of the ballroom, dancing to the sides. The effortless move, their feet seemed to barely touch the floor, it was mesmerizing. Love never thought it would be so easy to dance with her husband, they seemed to be made for one another, swiftly, delicately and smoothing dancing in each other's arms, trusting each other’s steps, Love gracefully accepting being guided by her husband. If there was a light candle in Morpheus' hand, the flame would not have extinguished during the whole dance, it wouldn’t even flinch. They were perfect partners that every single entity applauded in the end.

Before, however, Love could drop her husband’s hand, after receiving the praise, he pressed her into his body, and passionately kissed her, holding her by her waist. At first, she was in such a state of shock, she didn’t move, it took only a few seconds but to her it was a noticeable eternity, everyone could tell, until she closed her eyes, and let him slide his tongue into her mouth, throwing her hands over his neck. His grip tightened around her waist, and he pressed her further in his body. Their audience applauded louder.

“Husband what has gotten into you?!” She said it as soon as they were back at the Dreaming, not long after their dance. He walked in front of her, in a quick pace, not saying a word, and Love had to hold her skirt to run after him. “I told you before.” Love rolled her eyes. “Not the dance, that kiss.” He stopped putting his hand behind his back and turned to her. “What about it, my lady?” She knew he was faking his calm manner, he was flustered in anger, and she had no idea of what Aunt Primness could have said that left him like this.

She blushed, looking at the floor, not beliving he would made her say it, but trying to make it as rational as possible “ You never kissed me in such a manner, my lord. It’s not that it didn’t please me to have your affection. But it was inappropriate.” He widened his gaze. “ Inappropriate! Pray tell me, wife, is it appropriate to be covered in sweat and completely disheveled while dancing with my brother?” She was taken aback by his enquiry. Both of them were staring at each other.

Love might not understand her husband, but she was well versed in that feeling. The conflicted look behind his eyes. It was too familiar. She’d seen in a thousand men and women. “You are jealousy”. She said not believing the words that came out of her mouth. A gasped laugh came out of her throat, before she taped her hand over her mouth. “Forgive me, I…” She laughed again. Not because it was a funny fact, but she couldn’t believe in it. Morpheus jealous, of her of all people? Oh and people still say that marriage becomes dull after the first century together.

“You are jealous of me. With…Your brother? Is that it?” Dream turned his back mumbling “ I will talk to you when you regain some sense”. She went after him, continuous with the subject, ignoring his mumbles. “Did Aunt Primness put those ideas into your head? Husband, you know she is just vexing you.” She stopped “Besides, I would never partake in any affair, I am devoted to our marriage, even if you choose to punish me with it.” He turned facing her shaking his head in disagreement and spiteful answering “ You are drunk” Love rolled her eyes, enjoying his embarrassing far too much “ Maybe, but I can be passed out and still recognize a jealous man by miles.”

Morpheus for the first time in a long time of marriage, didn’t feel the need to have the last word.

----------

Every since that day, Love kept ruminating the night over and over again, especially a few days later, when none other then Lucienne, asked her if she was having trouble sleeping, and Love lied, telling no, the librarian told her that the king was probably worried, because he asked her to scan through her dreams.

Love was surprised but not furious. For the first time, and how she loved that feeling, she had the upper hand, and her husband was struggling to regain control. The night blooming jasmine milk came to her as a cruel prank. Her husband was interested in her dreams, wasn’t he? Probably looking for signs of secret desires for his brother. Well, she would put up a challenge, not dreaming at all.

She could sense his moodiness with her dreamless sleep. And of course he didn’t question her, for he knew it would be an odd to take such interest in her sleep, when he didn’t even share a bed with her. Also to say he knows she is not dreaming, is to deliberately say he is spying her sleep. He needed to silently wait for her dreams. Or he would have to confess his jealousy over her.

Love prayed he would let something slip so she could call him immature and delusional for thinking she would have anything with his brother. Condemning him for thinking so lowly of his own wife, wishing to say that she wasn't like him, looking for comfort somewhere else because she couldn’t commit to her husband. Also, did he even stopped to actually think about that ludicrous ideia? From all those tempting letters she received, did he think she would take another Endless as her lover? She was a lady for love’s sake! Besides, one Endless was enough.

When both received the invitation to his family reunion, it was when she started to drink the milk during the day. Her husband’s mood got significantly worse since they received the letter. and the closer they get to the date, the worse it got. All the Endless siblings would be there. That included not only the ones both Morpheus and Eoster liked such as Death, Destiny and Delirium, but Desire, Despair and poor Lord Destruction, who definetly wasn’t expecting what was coming.

@secretdreamlandmentality @littlemoistcarrot @lokigirlszendaya

[thisonegirl]

Goodbye, Dabi

pairing : touya “dabi” todoroki x reader rating : sfw warnings : mentions of death, implications of suicide and homicide wc : 1.8k (edited) part I part II part III

She knew it.

As Y/N stood frozen in place, shocked at the image on the screen just like the other nurses and elders in the home, she thought ‘I knew it’. He had found Dr. Ujiko, he had found Shigaraki and worst of all he had found All for One. She knew it would be a disaster. In that moment she couldn’t help but blame herself for being such a blabbermouth and mentioning the doctor around him, especially when she already had reservations concerning him and the character he had developed. 

Now, here he is. Becoming everything I had feared.

The gasps of disbelief filled the room as Touya revealed his identity and affiliations. The League of Villains. The name wasn’t unfamiliar nor were a few of the members within it. 

She had met Shigaraki when they were little. Mostly in passing as he wasn’t in the home with the rest of the kids but she could vividly remember when Dr. Ujiko took her to meet All for One. The evilness within him radiated off his body like waves and chilled her to the core. He had wanted to meet her because of her quirk. One he deemed useful for his cause. She remembered the frail looking white haired boy, she took notice of his little twitches and his empty eyes and couldn’t help but pity him while wondering if she’d become such a shell if she accepted his offer.

She remembered how annoyed- and quite frankly, scared - Dr. Ujiko had been when she refused All for One’s invitation to join him and his protégé, Shigaraki, in their quest. As they left, he told her she was lucky to have left unscathed AND with her quirk. He explained to her who All for One was and how his quirk functions. By the end of that explanation, she agreed with the doctor that she indeed was lucky. That encounter had her doubting everything and everyone she had ever known. They had all been raised for the sole purpose of becoming All for One’s sheep. She couldn’t believe someone as kind and caring as Mr. Sunny has been affiliated to such a cause. Dr. Ujiko, however, was more believable.

She knew then that she didn’t want to be around Dr. Ujiko more than necessary, and that she didn’t want the children back home to have this same path as an option as she wasn’t so sure All for One would be so kind as to let another rejection pass by unchecked.

That was when she made the decision to leave. Luckily enough, Dr. Ujiko and Mr. Sunny let her leave with a few of the children, and though it seemed like an action of uncharacter-like kindness, she knew they were the ones they deemed useless and unworthy. It was better than nothing yet her heart still ached for the ones she couldn’t save.

Are they now villains as well? Murderers and thieves?

Y/N’s stomach churned as she listened intently to Dabi’s words, just like everyone else. His journey to the league and his motivation for the destruction he had caused. 

Endeavor’s first born son. The number one hero created a villain. She mentally kicked herself for her naivety and lack of critical thinking. That firepower, of course it was related to the number one hero somehow. That’s the someone he wants to take with him.

“My goodness, what type of father does that to their own child?!”

“All Might would never.”

“Some hero that is.”

And so it began. Y/N knew that this was just the beginning of the death of Endeavor. The end would be with Dabi, at his hand.

“So this is all his fault!”

“What a terrible human being!”

“He shouldn’t even be a hero.”

The elders in the home all made their opinions known. Sentiments shared by many throughout the country. Their faith in heroes was dwindling and they wanted All Might back. They didn’t want whatever or whoever was left after his departure. They, or rather, we needed the symbol of peace back.

As she walked back home at the end of the day, her mind was in a state of turmoil while her chest tightened at the thought of all the children she left behind. Her thoughts then shifted to Dabi, as she finally came to terms with the fact that Touya was indeed dead and gone. She wondered if he would’ve done all this had she been more insistent in him staying that night, if she had gone after him the day he left years ago, when his burns weren’t nearly as bad as they now were. 

The atmosphere was off after that revelation. It was as if you could see the hope evaporate from every being as we all now had to come to terms that our greatest hero was in fact someone’s monster. We had entrusted everything to him and now we felt like we could trust nothing and no one.

She felt uneasy walking at night. Villains had become emboldened by the chaos that followed All Might’s departure and with the truth about Endeavor and his family coming out, even heroes didn’t look so appeasing. 

With her home in sight, Y/N quickened her steps not wanting to stay out another minute longer than what was necessary. She once knew for a fact that her children would be safe and sound at home but the fact slowly changed into an everyday hope.

“You should be more aware of your surroundings,” a hoarse voice boomed from behind her. His voice.

Stopping in her tracks, she turned to him. His hair, snowy white once again. She stared in silence, not because she was stunned into it but rather because, what words could be said in that moment.

“The streets are a lot more dangerous nowadays,” his tone was proud and smug as if the lack of security she felt was a commendable achievement, “What? Cat got your tongue?” he mocked.

“W-what are you doing here?” she whispered, “the authorities must all be looking for you,” she mentally cursed at how her voice trembled when speaking.

“You knew, didn’t you?”

Her heart sank, and her legs almost followed.

“You knew what that doctor had been doing. You knew about All for One and his plan. You knew about the Nomus.” Y/N’s lips quivered and her eyes stung as tears formed in them.

“I thought you were this pure and kind person but you’ve been letting all this happen all the while taking money from that man.”

“I-I didn’t-”

“What? Have a choice?” He interrupted, “Don’t worry, I’m not here to judge you. I know who you were dealing with.”

“What are you doing here?” she asked again, this time with tears rolling down her face as the weight of her guilt finally crushed her.

“I don’t know to be honest,” he responded, “I don’t like anyone, matter of fact, I hate everyone… but not you. I actually tolerate you.”

“And what’s that supposed to mean?”

“It means I don’t want anything bad to happen to you in this mess,” she didn’t know what to feel at that point, much less what to say so she said nothing at all.

“There’s gonna be a war,” he announced, “Just a heads up for you to be out of here before it starts…And to be on the right side.”

A scoff escaped her lips before she could stop it. “The right side? And what side would that be?”

“Our side,” he said matter-of-factly, “I don’t plan on being on the losing side, so that’s the side you should join.”

“Did All for One put you up to this?”

“Nope.”

“Did Shigaraki or Dr.Ujiko?”

“No.”

“So why do you want to recruit me?” she asked, now more confused than ever.

“Because like I said, I don’t want anything bad to happen to you. You’ll be safer with us.”

“No I won’t, Dabi.” The smugness fell from his face at the sound of that name, “I - we won’t be safer with you. In fact, no one is safe as long as All for One is around, so I sure as hell don’t want to be on his side.”

“So that’s the side you choose?”

“No! I don’t choose anything! I don’t care about heroes or villains or any other label there is. I just want peace. That is all everyone wants and you are the one threatening it,” she burst out. Damned be the fear she felt. “Please just leave.”

“A few months ago you were begging me to stay,” he scoffed.

“Yes, but you didn’t! You left and did very bad things, Dabi. Now please leave.”

Dabi stared at Y/N stunned. Her figure was trembling, he wasn’t sure if it was fear or cold causing it. His face drenched in tears that poured out of her pain stricken eyes. When he made no attempts to move, she took it as her sign to leave.

“Hey-”

“No! Stop Dabi, please! I am begging you,” she spun back around, “Do not come back here. Please. I’m doing all I can to keep them safe and they don’t deserve to be caught in the crossfire of whatever you’re up to.”

“That was their purpose!”

“No, it wasn’t!” she all but shrieked at him, “You don’t get to dictate what their purpose is! They have their own lives and dreams and they don’t need to be led down the same path as you,” her words had struck something in him. He felt the fire within him light up and he tried to control his anger as it brewed.

“I am begging you. I know you don’t care about anyone, but please, please, don’t come back here.”

“Fine,” he let out. He could see the relief wash over her at the sound of that word.

“Goodbye Dabi,” she said as she turned to leave. Her pace was much quicker than before, as she rushed to get away from him. 

He left a tug in his chest. He was reminded that there was something in there, still beating after all time.

He watched from afar as she entered her home. A sense of déjà vu passed by him and he couldn’t help but compare his feelings to what he felt the first time he was in that position. The anger that boiled as he thought of Endeavor’s rejection verses the anger that simmered as he thought of Y/N’s rejection. Only one of them drove him towards evilness while the other weakly pulled him away from it. 

Keyword: weakly.

His hate was still far too strong. Whatever he felt for her wasn’t enough to quench it, so the anger that grew from her rejection was added to the hate that drove him because at the end of the day, he was still Dabi.

——————————

masterlist

[colinthegaycomputer]

Pillow Fort Tickles

(Hi! This is my first tickle fic, so if it like sucks then my bad fellas. Anywho, enjoy!)

Ler: Kinger Lee: Pomni

Today’s adventure had been a disaster. Long story short, Caine had unleashed some absolutely horrific critter into the circus, leaving all of it’s occupants in quite a difficult situation. Ragatha, Gangle, and Jax were hurt, Pomni was shaken up, and Zooble had fucked off somewhere else. Kinger was (surprisingly) the only one left in even a slightly good mental state as he had hidden in his “fortress”.

After what seemed like a good hour or two (to Kinger atleast) after the adventure, he heard a light knock on the pillow that was placed where a door would be. Kinger moved it slightly out of the way and peeked his head out, only to be met with the eyes of Pomni.

“Oh! Pomni! How can I assist you?” He asked, slightly tilting his head to the side.

Pomni looked down, “I was just- uh- wondering if I could- umm..- come in.?” She pointed at the fort.

“Why of course!” Kinger slightly moved aside to make room for her to enter.

The fort was surprisingly spacious on the inside, with a corner dedicated to a few bug enclosures to another corner, visibly comfier than the rest, that Pomni could only assume was meant for resting. Eventually, Kinger’s voice snapped her out of her deep thought.

“Would you like to hear about my bug collection??”

Pomni nodded, watched him pull out a few bugs from seemingly nowhere and then begin his infodump. One thing that Pomni didn’t notice, however, was the bug slowly making it’s way to her side. Kinger, on the other hand, did notice and quickly scooped the bug up, accidentally grazing his hand over Pomni’s middle, making her squeak. He immediately paused and looked up at her.

“What was that??”

Pomni’s face was quickly turning a bright red.

“N-nothing!”

Kinger, didn’t believe a word of that. He repeated his action just to test it. Once again, Pomni squeaked.

“Don’t do that!” Pomni’s face grew redder with each passing second.

“Are you ticklish?”

Pomni didn’t respond. That was enough of an answer for Kinger. He put down his bugs and poked her a few times, making her choke down a giggle or two. She reached out to attempt to stop Kinger and grab his hands, which made Kinger simply push her hands out of the way and continue his attack.

After a few minutes, he decided to up his game. Going from pokes to soft tickles on her stomach. Pomni’s giggles finally started to pour out. She covered her mouth to muffle the noise. Kinger paused for a moment to move her hand before immediately going back to business.

“Don’t silence yourself! I want to hear your laughter!” He playfully scolded.

Eventually though, Pomni was able to regain her control and hold back her giggles.

In order to break the barrier, Kinger began to scribble at her ribs. This provoked a shriek from the poor, little jester.

“WAHAIT!! KIHIHINGERR!!! NAHAHAHAAOO!!”

The chess piece giggled at her as he continued his onslaught for a few seconds longer before letting up and taking his hands away.

“Are you okay??”

Pomni was a tired, giggly mess.

“Mhmmm!!..”

Kinger gently picked her up, took her over to the comfy corner that Pomni had seen earlier, and gently placed her down. She yawned and softly rubbed her eyes, clearly exhausted. Kinger sat down next to her and simply watched. After a few long minutes, she succumbed to her weariness and fell asleep. Kinger sighed.

“Queenie would’ve adored you.”

[elizabethwydevilles]

Star Wars fic recs

So I've actually had a fic rec page for... a while ahem but I never actually got round to actually telling anyone. So... here's 8 fics from my faves. The crème de la crème, so to speak.

Antediluvian by @space-asparagus

A Padmé-centric look at the strain and worries of a secret marriage during war time, explored through civic infrastructure. A truly delicious Padmé.

Madhouse Promenade by @husborth

No one does gothic Darth Vader like husborth, and this is some of husborth's best. In progress, but the 2 chapters that are up are amazing.

Playing the Lyre by @husborth

Good Mace and Anakin fics aren't the easiest to find, but this one knocks it out of the park. I really don't want to spoil but the conversation they have starting from Mace saying he is not calm? Makes me want scream in the best way.

now i want my letters white again by @ozvezdja

Love isn't a magical fix but it matters that it's there, is how I'd describe the Anakin/Padmé relationship in this fic. Tonally it hits perfectly - it doesn't shy away from how mixed up Anakin's mental state is, but it always feels like there is hope; hope you can truly believe.

Every Moment Points Toward the Aftermath by @hinerdsitscat

Anakin and Obi-Wan are a disaster, but in a way that ends reasonably well for once. Humourous fic tends to be very hit or miss for me; this one is a definite hit.

hold you with my left hand by crucifixion

The atmosphere of this fic is spot on; you can feel the stillness and humidity of Naboo in the late summer. A really lovely look at Anakin/Padmé just after their marriage.

masterpiece, not mistake by lettuce_mouth

Actually an AU of an AU, but I don't think you need to read the original AU to grasp this one shot. If you're a sucker for the Leia and Anakin dynamic, this grasps their complexities so well.

Proposed Legislation by Anonymous

Padmé and Palpatine do politics not long before RotS, and, as you can imagine, what isn't said is just as important as what is.

The rest of my fic recs can be found here.

[liskantope]

I've been feeling devastated about last week's disaster of a debate (among other political developments) and see it as evidence that Biden was never a fit candidate for reelection. And at this point I really don't think he has it in him to stick out a job like the presidency all the way until 2029. But I think a lot of people are really overreacting in terms of what kind or variety of weakness it exposed in Biden. I'm a little stunned by how many people -- not generally Republicans or anti-leftists or leftists who have a bias against Biden already, but moderate-left-ish types such as Scott Alexander and Kat Rosenfield -- who seem convinced of things like that the debate shockingly but obviously "proved" that Biden is completely senile, has a clinical level of dementia, is unfit to be president right at this moment (let alone for 4.5 more years), obviously isn't acting as president but must be sitting around dazed while others do the work for him, that the Biden team's insistence that Biden is fundamentally fit has now glaringly been exposed as a complete lie, etc.

One particular narrow range of skills was on display at the debate, and I'm not sure exactly what succinct term to use for it, but it was something like "smooth articulation ability", and it's something I think about a lot as a communicator in my own professional context. There have always been certain mental states I get into (often triggered by stress or sleep deprivation) where words and sentences don't come out as clearly, get caught up in the moment on the wrong beat and get sidetracked, and struggle to get wrapped up without becoming run-ons that lack in a conclusion, where I mumble and stammer easily, and where I have trouble recalling particular words and phrases on the fly, and these contrast dramatically with my moments where the opposite is the case. This especially affects my teaching: it used to fairly often be the case that I had "bad days" where I could tell right from the start of the 75-minute class period that I wasn't going to be able to form thoughts as well as on my "good days". With more experience I've gradually learned how to minimize the "bad days", but I'm still prone to it if I'm not careful. Yet, even at my worst moments of this, it says nothing about my knowledge of the topic I'm teaching about, nor about my fitness in general. It's a very narrow aspect of my mental abilities.

Now one could point out that a huge part of being a politician is being a absolute world-class "smooth articulator". And that's true, and Biden certainly was once, and clearly old age has eroded his ability at this. But it's kind of beside the point when someone is suggesting that stumbling a lot at a debate is evidence of having dementia and being too old for one's job, other than that our being accustomed to politicians being extremely skilled at articulation is obfuscating the fact that for a typical person (whether old and senile or not), having to express one's ideas on the fly in the style of a presidential debate is incredibly difficult. I believe the great majority of adult humans -- including those who are dismissing Biden now, including a lot of the very intelligent and generally articulate among us, including myself -- would probably not be able to do much better than Biden did at that debate if we were placed in his position, and it doesn't say much about our ability to make decisions in the role of US president or about our dementia status.

All that said, what matters most in a presidential debate is the vibes each candidate gives off, and Biden definitely gave off "doddering old man" vibes in just about the worst way possible, which will certainly make a lot of people not feel okay about voting for him, whether or not they've seriously reflected on his capability of performing the actual non-public tasks required of a president.

[mysteriousdragon2]

Howdy everyone. To those who are reading this, I’ll be venting once again. However, this might be a bit more personal. You’re more than free to disregard this post, but to those who read it, thank you for your time.

So…life’s been a complete disaster. My household treats me poorly daily, and I unfortunately cannot escape this situation until I get money to move out.

My parents have hurt me in ways that I cannot explain fully. But I’ll say this for certain: mental abuse. Ever since I was a child, it’s been an ongoing issue. I’m told I deserve to get bullied, told that I’ll never amount to anything, told that I’m a freak who doesn’t deserve anything. No gifts, no friends, no happiness. And everytime I try to be happy for a split second, it gets demolished by my parents with their negative comments about me.

Aches me daily. The more I keep living, the more I sink in those words, and feel useless. I can’t even create art without having someone from my household telling me it’s a waste of time to work on. And art is something I’ve been doing practically all my life.

I despise the fact that I’m being threatened to get kicked out of home if I fail to obey my parents’ unrealistic expectations. When I already do that, it’s bringing me into a state of misery.

Heck, I feel like a terrible friend to those who are currently my friend. I just keep spewing my moronic feelings, and have no input about it. Sometimes I think it’s best that I remain silent about venting to my friends. I’m only making this post just to notify others about how I’ve been and my feelings over the past couple years.

Sometimes, I have mood swings and it sets me into unwanted places. Although random, they are manageable. Usually doing something I enjoy solves this. But it’s really irritating to have my parents tell me that art doesn’t do anything to a person. Boy are they wrong. Art has made me very creative and patient, and that is wonderful. My art has gotten better thanks to the many art trades I’ve done with people.

Yet, I feel out of it. With just about anything I do, my stress level keeps getting worse to certain things. I’m claustrophobic, so being around a ton of people or closed spaces and or objects get my mind racing. I hate that I’ve met people joking about claustrophobia, it’s not okay. When people treat a phobia as a joke, please don’t do that. It grinds my gears.

Anyhow, sometimes I feel like I’m inferior sad a person and a friend. And often I choose to avoid people for the sake of their health, plus others are busy, so I get it.

What upsets me, is getting abandoned. By my close friends especially. Or anybody that’s genuinely kind to me. Countless times have I keep ghosted without a word by many people, and it’s never a pleasant feeling. You feel shackled and shut down. The fact this happens often really shows how terrible I am. But to those who have been my friend for a while, thank you.

The only thing keeping me intact at the moment, is Hol Horse. He’s been nothing but an example I follow, to always be a number 2. And to never strive for perfection, or being a perfectionist. He has his own way of life, and so do I want to aim for that someday. He means so much to me, more than I can express.

Sorry for the venting. Just wanted to express how I’ve been feeling and what’s going on. Thanks to those who read it.

Have a good one, everyone.

[aneyef0raheart]

𝔉𝔯𝔢𝔞𝔨𝔶 𝔦𝔫𝔫𝔬𝔠𝔢𝔫𝔠𝔢

Good and disaster :D

You and Gojo were both teachers in Jujutsu High, you had something to do with him. Something that makes him mad whenever you're around, at least it looks like it. Everytime you're in the teachers lounge, he walks away and heads outside. You would always think when would you guys ever be colleagues or friends.

There was a time you didn't expect would happen. You were out to get a cold drink from the vending machine disposing the coins in the coin slot until Satoru came across, he didn't walk away or do anything... Just standing right behind you. A bead of sweat ran down your neck, Satoru tried hard not to laugh of how nervous you are. He leaned over to your ear and whispered "I'll make sure my can go in that coin slot, make sure it fits for me." Right after he said that, the can dispensed and you immediately reached down to grab it out of the dispenser, until you could even put your hand in it, Satoru's hand pushed you onto the vending machine pinning you onto there, you could feel it pressing against you by how close he is to you. "What the hell..." You stated. "Yeah what the hell.. Why am I doing this, probably because I give you those looks for how hot you look I couldn't resist..."

He smiled behind you. "I'll spare you until lessons are done." He took a step back letting his hands off you. You stood there speechless as he walks off to his students outside the field training. Satoru stopped walking and turned to you "Your students are waiting for you... Y/N. Quit staring off to space and head off to your scholars dear.." He grins and continued walking. You shook your head and went out the opposite door, you took multiple breathes and mental advices which did not work. You walk into your classroom trying to act normal. While you were teaching about domains, you tried writing on the board but instead you broke the chalk. "M-miss..? Are you okay..?" A student asked, you turned to look at them with a flushed face "I'm no- I'm fine... You know what, class is over." You imediantally stepped out class and headed outside to take a break leaning against the fence.

You came across Satoru again which made your thoughts even worse, you looked back at him then to the view Infront of you. You clicked your tongue just by the presence of him until he grabs your wrist and makes you look directly at him. "I'm taking you home, you don't feel well." He drags you with him to his car "Hey! I didn't agree with you idiot!" He rolls his eyes and shoves you in the passenger seat. Satoru gets inside the driver's seat and starts the car engine, without a thought he takes off.

"Call me an idiot and I'll... Gosh nevermind."

"I don't even know you much why are you... Taking me home.."

"But I do, and my home... actually." He smirks and eyes you from the corner of his eyes while he's also focused on the road. "I'll do you good and get you some food first yeah?" He stops at a red light. "Uhm.. Sure... I guess I'll have ice cream mochi..."

"Great!" Satoru curled a light smile from his lips. You guys arrived at a corner store and parked it at the front, you both walk in but you had Satoru grabbing your hand like you'll go somewhere, which you may have thought of. He buys a bowl of Buldak noodles for himself and your mochi ice cream next to the checkout counter. You guys arrived to his house, it felt really weird to be in someone's house you barely knew. You were wondering what he meant by 'but I do'. "Is he stalking me!?" You said out loud. Satoru was silent for a moment and laughed "Your thoughts are pretty loud." While his snack boils he walks towards you from the living room and leans against the couch behind you where you are sitting. He looks down at you and you look up at him. "You should be my girlfriend by now." He said without hesitation "You should be dead by now." You added onto it, he raises his eyebrows and chuckled "Must've gotten the wrong girl. I like your attitude." He smirks and leans from the couch to kiss you in the lips, he pulls away as he almost forgot about the noodles. "Shit." He ran to the kitchen and pulls the pit away from the stove and turns it off. You wiped your lips from the kiss but... You kind of liked it... No, you loved it. His lips were soft. And he acts like a tsundere which turned you on a bit.

After he was done you followed him to his room, there was a TV and saw Satoru already sitting on his bed with the remote. You sat down next to him opening the packet of your mochi ice cream. He picked out a love movie, of course. It was called "Horimiya" You we're glad he had such good taste you even wondered what his music is like. During the movie only 20 minutes in, you finished your snack and didn't realize Satoru leaning on your shoulder. He sighed and looked at you starting to get impatient, he's already finished his noodles next to his end table and sat up again. He turned off the movie and looked at you with a straight face. "Lay down." "Wait... What." He groaned and pulled your legs down and sat on you. He leaned in and kissed you on the neck, soon it started getting sloppy. You covered your mouth not to make a sound but he didn't allow it and pinned both hands onto the sheets. He moved one hand to your waist, than hips, finally to your thighs picking it up. You felt his touch and started to shiver, you weren't the type of person to moan unless...

He was wearing pajama sweats which made his hard ass visible. He lifted you up and ran his hands under your shirt with one hand on your back than to the back of your neck. After a few minutes of the sound of you shivering and whimpering he pulled away leaving love marks on you. "Damn... Why look at you." He grabbed one of your hands to make you touch the top of his head as a sign to play with them. Without a thought he felt your hands run through strands of his hair. He had a sensitive head which made him whine a bit but that's what he wanted. He leaned forward to your chest and moved you back to the board of his bed. Why's he being a softy all of a sudden? Didn't he want to break your legs or something a while back? I guess he didn't mean tha-

He lifts half of your shirt putting his head inside of it, your shirt pulled down and covered his entire head top to the back of his head. You felt him removing your distracting bra and his cold hands on one of them. "M- Toru' don't do that!" It seems like your hands didn't answer that, instead it pushed him forward. His hands were all over you, it felt like 100 hands all over you but it was only his 2 hands moving around. "Gojo you fucking asshole." You gave in and rested your head on the board of the bed. He pulls his head away leaving saliva all over your chest. "Why do you have to be so warm..." You questioned him "Everyone has a warm mouth." He slightly lift the corner of his lips into a small smirk. A few seconds he started groaning holding onto his cock. "Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuckkk..." He pulls you by your collar, he imediantally pulls his sweat band halfway down and replaces it with your mouth.

His hands were pulling your hair so you wouldn't back up. You tried speaking which made it worse for Satoru sending vibrates to his entire body making him shiver and a flushed face appeared onto his face "Stop trying... To... Talk..." He groaned. Your saliva started dripping down. His whole length inside of your mouth. Soon enough he sighed and slightly moaned with a load coming out of him. "Y-you better swallow the entire thing..." You didn't even need to swallow, the whole thing already went down your throat making you choke. He finally lets go of you, soon enough you started coughing and choking gasping for air. He pulls you closer again for you to sit on his lap while his cock in between you guys. "Sorry I had to do that..." "Shut up..." His hands moved to your hips then the bottom of your thighs grabbing your ass. Both of his thumbs were about to pull your sweats down.

"I seriously need more of your body Y/N..." He turned you around and slammed you head to the side of the mattress. He had your pants halfway removed and had your back arched. He imediantally puts it in "Now you'll feel how hard I am once I get even harder when I'm inside you." He leans forward which made your walls stretch and created noises and whimpers from you.

"Ahh, now I get it. You only do that when it's actually in you. Take that as a note." "J-just shut up and take me already... I don't want to hear your comments..."

[jqmalikhsgib]

planets aligned

note: this is for my plus size readers! as a plus size woman myself, we deserve more representation!!!

one

you groaned as your alarm goes off. you reach over to slam your hand against the machine, but you couldn’t find the button. you frowned with your eyes closed until you felt someone turning in the bed.

you turned slowly to find your ex boyfriend cuddled up to you. you remember the events of last night. both of you had got really drunk, talking and laughing about the past. you remember the paparazzi yelling at you when you left the club that night, holding hands with trey.

you groaned once more before getting up and finding your clothes scattered all over the bed. quickly grabbing them, you rushed to get dressed before leaving his hotel room. you put on your shades, knowing the paps are most likely waiting for you outside.

when you spot them you groan once more before walking out the building.

“yn! yn! yn!”

“yn, what does this mean for you and trey?”

“are you and trey back together?”

“she we be expecting a wedding soon?”

you ignore every last question. thankfully your best friend was outside waiting for you. you didn’t even have to call.

you hop in the car quickly before she drives off and hands you a coffee. “you’re a lifesaver!”

“none of that. what were you thinking?! trey? seriously? you went home to him of all people?”

you frowned. you knew exactly why she was upset. trey had cheated on you for the whole two years you were together. he was a dick and mentally abused you for half of your relationship. he’s the reason why you’re so insecure about your body. for so long, many people have called you fat, you never really battered an eye. when trey did it, you became shy, closed off, started wearing baggy clothes, quit multiple modeling jobs, you became super depressed. your best friend was the one to pick up the pieces. if it wasn’t for her you’d probably end your entire career and move back home to your parents house, who cut you off until you come to your senses and quit this modeling nonsense.

of course if you let that happen you’d let them win. besides, you were a very successful model! you earned way too much money and had millions of women who adored you to pieces. you were one of the few faces to plus size and bigger women who struggled with their confidence because of bullies and internet trolls who had nothing better to do than harass a woman for being comfortable in her skin.

you enjoyed your career and your fanbase. you weren’t about to let some loser like trey or your parents take this way from you.

“i know, fariah, i know! i wasn’t thinking. i was drunk and horny. trust me, im kicking myself already.” you sigh.

“you better be lucky i explain to your date that it was an idiotic mistake and it’ll never happen again. he agreed to still meet you.”

you shook your head aggressively. “absolutely not! im not going on a date with another one of your boyfriends, friends. they’ve all been a total disaster, fariah. i have no idea jason had friends like that. you seriously need to tell him to hang out with better people.” you state.

“confessions? they’re more like jason’s brothers, friends.”

“that explains a lot then! jason’s brothers a dick.”

“come on! one more date, please? if this one turns out to be a dick, no more!”

“fine! what’s his name?”

“preston.”

“he sounds like an asshole! but i’ll give it a shot! no more after this, though! please?”

“cross my heart.”

you’d been at the restaurant you were suppose to meet this preston guy. it had been an hour since you’ve sat down, waiting. you roll your eyes, realizing you’d been stood up.

finally getting the courage to sit up and head to the bar, you ordered a drink. you were extremely embarrassed. you felt like everyone was staring at you.

in that moment you decided to give up on love and just stay single forever. every guy you’ve dated had been boys men who clearly had commitment issues or simply just assholes who didn’t know how to please a woman.

your sex life was completely sad and dull. most men just wanted to get off. they couldn’t care less about making another woman cum. it had been a while since a man has made you orgasm.

that wasn’t the biggest issue, though. you were just tired of getting your heart broken. you’d let someone in, they show you love and affection for a few weeks, suddenly they act like you don’t exist. it was exhausting!

you wanted—needed something more.

“penny for your thoughts?” you turned. you were about to tell the guy to leave you the hell alone but, he was none other than eddie munson.

you remember having multiple corroded coffin poster on your wall back home. you loved corroded coffin! your parents hated listening to them. they were into classical music and never understood why you listened to such ‘trash’ music.

you didn’t understand why you liked them either. you weren’t much of a heavy metal fan, but they sounded amazing. not to mention, eddie was your celebrity crush. he was handsome with his long dark hair, leather jacket, the multiple rings he’d wear, the guy-liner, most importantly, the tattoos and piercings. god, he was the most attractive man you’d ever seen.

you were ten when you started listening to corroded coffin. eddie was twenty-six. now you were twenty-six and you knew he was in his early forties.

but eddie was still handsome as ever. though today he didn’t have long wavy hair. instead he had somewhat of a bold cut. it suited him, honestly.

he definitely had more muscle on him, his facial hair was coming in slightly, he dressed a little more the same, currently wearing a black sabbath t-shirt. he looked amazing.

“you okay there, pretty girl?”

pretty girl?! holy shit!

“uh—yeah it’s just—you’re eddie munson.”

eddie chuckles. “that’s correct! but you’re yn yln! everyone adores you. including my daughter.”

“oh? she a fan, huh?”

“yeah! all she talk about is you. ‘daddy, yn posted another photo!’ ‘dad, yn commented on my post!’ ‘oh, yn is going to paris. could we go too, daddy?!’ she likes you more than me.”

yn giggles.

“well she should adore you! i use to listen to corroded coffin all the time growing up. my parents hated my ‘loud ass music’ but i couldn’t get enough. i still listen to you guys when i need to just feel, you know?”

“hmm, i completely understand, darlin. so i take it you’re a huge fan?”

“you’re kiddin right?! absolutely. i had the biggest crush on yo—” before you could stop yourself, you groan.

eddie smirks. “yeah? was crushin on me hard, sweetheart?”

“god, please tell me i can rewind that and start over?”

“don’t think that’s how that works, baby. but if it makes you feel any better, im crushin on you now.”

suddenly the room gets significantly hotter. eddie runs his hands against your cheek. “i got a hotel room right above the restaurant. why don’t we head up there?”

you hum as eddie grabs your hand and you both head to the elevator.

the very next day you woke up to another alarm. immediately getting deja vu you shot up. when you turned you heard the bathroom door open. when eddie munson walks out he had a towel wrapped around his waist and he smirks at you.

“good morning, baby. slept good last night?”

you blush when you think about the events of last night. eddie had made you cum a number of times. you lost count after three. he’d been the best sex you’ve ever had in a long time. and the aftercare, fuck! he was such a gentleman. your brain soon starts to fumble though. you knew this was probably a one time thing.

eddie hasn’t dated since his ex wife died, leaving him with a daughter to raise on his own. you didn’t expect anything else from him.

“yeah! it was great.”

you give him a fake smile before looking for your clothes. once you found them, you got up and started to put them on. eddie frowns.

“what are you doing, baby?”

“i get this was a one time thing. i don’t wanna waste anymore of your time. im just gonna head out.”

“hey! first, you don’t need to go, okay? second, i had a great time with you, and lastly, who said anything about a one time thing?”

“i just assumed you wanted me gone. i don’t know. most guys expect me to leave right after. guess im use to it.” you shrugged your shoulders.

eddie shakes his head. “those are little boys, darlin! im a grown ass man, alright! i definitely wanna keep seeing you. maybe take you on a few dates, get to know each other better, possibly start a real relationship, baby.”

you smiled widely. “yeah?”

“mhm! now take that goddamn bra off and let’s me order some room service and possibly fuck you some more, yeah?” eddie walks over to you and kisses you passionately.

“okay!”

“good girl.” he smirks as you shiver.

[deceptive-daydreams]

Whatever She Wants; I Will Do Anything - E.M.

Eddie x fem reader

2.9K Words

Inspired by the song Graceland Too by Phoebe Bridgers. Or where you’re very good at keeping your guard up and not letting others in only to crumble under the pressure. And Eddie is there to help you put the pieces back together.

Warnings - angsty, depictions of mental illness, dark thoughts

A/N - This shit is emotional and this song has been stuck in my head for days so I had to do something with it. Any feedback is appreciated 🥹

Masterlist

— I would do anything you want me to

I would do anything for you

I would do anything, I would do anything

Whatever you want me to do, I will do

—

If you could pick the scenery to describe your own brain, it wouldn’t be a field of daisies, fresh and heavenly, or rainbows after a light summer rain, sticky but romanticized.  It wouldn’t be angelic beach views with sunsets marbling the sky or even the starry night with the moon soaking the earth in its celestial light.   No, these things were magnificent, pleasing to look at, easy to take in.  Very unlike your brain.  

Your idea would be more of a tsunami ripping everything apart, having no mercy on anything in its wake—destroying everything it touches.  Emotions receding into the sea quietly before ultimately coming back in a massive wave and disrupting the quaint living of those around.  Murky skies and shattered hope.  People running, and running far just to avoid the disaster—the impending doom that was you.  That is exactly how you’d describe your brain. 

Sometimes if you were lucky there were a select few weeks in between the storms of your mind where you’d feel a sliver of relief, a drought in the ever flowing thoughts that dismantled your life.  Times where there would be a glimmer of ambition and an inkling of motivation.  It never lasted long, fleeing as soon as you were starting to get better.  A colossal wave consuming you once again, and people would go running as they always did—the commotion of the storm too turbulent for them to brave.  

And the agonizing thoughts would begin to stew at the very core of your brain.  Simmering until they boiled over at random.  

Too hard to love.

Useless.

Worthless.

Barely a person, a walking corpse devoid of emotion due to the burnout.

Not worthy of love.

Not worthy of anything.

I should have never even made it this far, sixteen years was my limit.

I don’t want to do this anymore, please don’t make me do this anymore.

It was all so daunting, so intimidating and heavy.  It truly felt like you did not belong on this earth and there was absolutely no way to combat it other than merely surviving.  Days passed and you were trapped in the endless cycle that was existing without purpose.  

Your boyfriend, Eddie, sweet Eddie had a life to live and you couldn’t bear to burden him with the sorrows of your aching soul.  Eventually he’d realize what a nuisance you were, how crippling your state of mind could be.  He didn’t deserve to be detained by the relationship you so thought was out of pity.  Ever so generous, kind, enamoring, handsome, loving, gentle, loud, assertive—everything Eddie was made of, was something you believed you never once deserved.  You dreaded the day he would glance at you and come to his senses.  She is too broken for me, I can’t love her.

The convincing mask you were able to automatically put on was all too familiar.  Being able to physically front that you were happy when the reality of it all was that demons swam through your bloodstream and never left, only lying dormant every once in a blue moon only to come back at full force.  It felt like poison, the way you would be okay one moment and suddenly in seconds you were grasping onto your sanity, clinging onto any bits of reality—of your mortal self only to be swallowed up by harsh accusations toward yourself that would have you sinking back into your bed for as long as it required.  And that’s how you got so good with the mask, forcing yourself to conform to the world around you when you absolutely couldn’t rot in bed, other obligations taking priority despite the poison coursing through your body.  A smile on your face, a compliment here, a joke there, sprinkled with some stupid story from the other day that always seemed to appease your audience.  It was all fake and no one could sniff it out.

Until Eddie came along and he was able to detect even the slightest shift in your demeanor.  Though you could throw the mask on, it didn’t always work with him and he would encourage you to take it off.  You never did.  Insisting I’m fine, just a little tired.  Lying through your teeth.  You couldn’t help it, you’d never let your guard down with anyone ever.  How were you supposed to when it didn’t even feel like an option?  A people pleaser to your core, you’d take your feelings with you to the grave.  

The first time Eddie stumbled upon you crying, he was at a loss, not knowing how to approach the situation.  Do I hug her?  No, what if she doesn’t want me to?  Do I hold her hand?  Does she want me to leave?  Did I do something?  What if I made her cry?  Does she want to break up?  Every thought flew at him at lightning speed, practically slapping him in the face.  Before any decision could be made, you sucked back the tears and used your sleeves to aggressively clear your under eyes.  I’m fine, I just watched an emotional movie.  Lies.  Not wanting to push you further, he nodded and held you close.  But he knew.  You were suffering, drowning in your own fucked up world and he had no idea how to pull you out.  When his own mind started suffocating him he could at least voice that he wasn’t having the best day, also being the type to never burden others with his invading thoughts.  He’d leave it at that and sulk in his room but you would always sit with him, if he allowed.  If not, that was okay too and he was eternally grateful.  

The more he studied your behavior when you just felt off, the more he gathered the way you would often go blank during a conversation, eyes becoming void of a human and turning into a shell of yourself as you picked yourself apart internally.  Anxiety looming in your eyes and hands the slightest bit shaky, he would touch his fingertips to yours in the smallest touch hoping to lure you back, praying that he didn’t overstep because god he was so scared.  And when you did return, you still weren’t fully there although you claimed you were just tired.  Again.  He just wanted you to be happy.  And you wanted to be happy.  

It took almost a year into the relationship for you to even be able to ask him to come over when you wanted to just be with him.  Before that it just felt like you were pestering him for attention even though that was far from the truth.  You could call him just to complain about how your lunch tasted and he would savor every moment.  Even still, you had your doubts about calling him or texting him, the nasty demons lurking within you telling you he didn’t care.  Eddie picked up on your patterns from the very beginning and learned that the way you worded things really indicated your mood, if you were genuinely doing well or if things were bad again.  A simple phrase popping up on his phone and he would bolt to you if he had the slightest inclination that you were in a pool of your own self deprecating thoughts.  

Are you home?  Really meant, I need you, I need you and I’m too afraid to outright say it.

Are you busy?  Either meant that you wanted to go on a gas station run with him or that you wanted to vent about your family.  

Want to come over?  Generally translated to I’m in a good space right now and would love to spend time with you.

I love you.  Told him I’m thinking about you.

Love you.  Was an indicator that you were on edge, it could be because of him depending on the nature of the situation or it could just be a bad day. 

Food?  Was the phrase used to tell him I’m hangry and we better be getting Mexican food otherwise you better suggest something that sounds yummier.

I’m fine.  Was as clear as day.  I’m the opposite of fine.

So when it’s ten o’ clock at night and the cicadas are chirping outside his trailer, his fingers dancing along the neck of his guitar to a new riff he recently learned and he sees his phone light up with your name, he eagerly reaches over to pick it up and read.  His eyes scan over three key words.

Are you home?

Immediately he’s setting his guitar on top of his mattress, calling you as he scrambles around his room searching for his car keys, finally locating them underneath his copy of Lord of the Rings he had been rereading earlier, tossing the book aside.  The dial tone rings through his ears a few times, heart beating fast.  On the other end, a meek little hey is heard along with a sniffle that you swore you would hide.  

“Baby, what’s wrong?”  His voice is laced with concern while he makes his way out to the living room to collect his leather jacket.  

“I-I-nothing.  I just—wanted to hear your voice.”  Part of it is a lie.  Everything is wrong and your world is crumbling as you stare out the window lifelessly.  Panic is taking over while you endure thoughts about your past, present, and future.  Why did I say that one thing that one time?  I’m such a bad person.  I should have never been born, that way I could save everyone the embarrassment.  You’re instigating yourself and there’s no sign of stopping.  Eddie would be happier without you, he’s too good for you, good things don’t happen to you without a price.  Bullet after bullet hits your soul.  

“I’m coming over.”  He tells you without giving you the option to say no, the line going silent as he hangs up.  This only coaxes more humiliating things out from the depths of your brain.  See what you did?  You ruined his night, now he’s on his way over and he’s probably so mad.  He has so many better things to be doing than sitting with a cry baby.  

The sobs rack your body, chest heaving and vision completely blurred with hot tears traveling down your face.  You’re shaking, the words assaulting you over and over.  Even if you wanted to stop crying you couldn’t, the dam was flooded.  It was an oversight on your part, you didn’t need to text Eddie but you did it out of impulse.  Everything suddenly becomes so overstimulating, so gross and uncomfortable.  The way your clothes hug your body makes you wince, rubbing your arms to somewhat soothe yourself but it only does so much.  The clutter on your bedside table aggravates you all of the sudden but there’s not any energy to straighten it up, leaving you sitting on the bed in full on breakdown mode.  You’re now way too aware of your own body, yearning to immediately cease existing.  A blanket once thrown over your legs is now tossed across the room, the material now disgusting you.  Everything becomes unbearable.

So unbearable that you don’t even hear Eddie using his key in your front door, the hinges squeaking as he enters, or the click of the lock as he locks it again before rushing upstairs, his boots stomping on every other step.  You don’t hear the bedroom door creak open as he carefully approaches, toeing off his boots near the door and then speaking to you.  

“Sweetheart, what’s goin’ on?”  His tone is gentle enough to soothe a baby.  Shrugging his jacket off and tossing it on a nearby chair, he slowly strides closer to the bed but still keeps his distance.  

All you can do is cover your face in your pathetic palms, attempting to hide away the misery you have become.  A wet and whimpered I don’t know is made out from you muffling the words into your hands.  His heart shatters.  All he wants to do is hold you but only if you’ll allow him to.  The last thing he wants to do is make it worse.  The last time he saw you cry was also the first time and you’d sucked it up and brushed it off like it never happened.  This was drastically different, you were a puddle of tears and snot, sobbing uncontrollably and unable to hold back any longer.

“Baby.  Look at me.  Just for a minute, okay?”  He’s trying to convince you but you shake your head, palms still gathering tears.  “Please?  Please?”  He begs, voice hoarse as he tries to map out a gameplan in his head.  It still falls upon deaf ears.  “I need you to look at me.  If I’m going to help you, you need to look at me.”  He leans over the bed attempting to catch your eyes.  “I need you.”  He speaks desperately, his own eyes becoming wet.  For some reason, the phrase makes you stop for a second, makes you freeze.  If he needed you, then you were going to give him anything he wanted, anything he needed.  It was some type of reverse psychology that he hadn’t even realized he performed.  You were falling apart but the moment he begged for help you stopped everything to be by his side.

Shock written in his features, he looks at you while you look at him, big doe eyes full of anxiety and worry.  The atmosphere was stagnant at that moment.  Hiccups erupted out of you but your full undivided attention was on him.  He pondered his next moves carefully, not wanting to scare you off or chase you back into your corner.  His next words were spoken with the utmost care.

“Tell me what you need me to do.”  His voice was shaky and his eyes blinked rapidly.  “I—I’ve never done this before.  Please tell me what you need.”  His voice wobbled on the last few words as you tried to process everything.  “Whatever you want me to do, I will do.”  The way his tone wavered broke you, choking out a sob before stopping yourself.  You did this to him.  So you force yourself to provide an answer, it’s the least you could do.  

Voice cracking, you reply “Hold me.”  The dam continues flooding, sending a river down your cheeks.  He’s quick to crawl across the bed and gather you in his arms like the most fragile thing he’s ever held.  Arms wrap around your middle to pull you in between his legs, pulling your back flush against his chest as you then maneuver your body to curl into him like he’s your bunker, face buried in his chest and trembling hands fisting his shirt.  

“I’m right here, I’ve got you.  I’m here.”  Whispered reassurances against the top of your head as you soak his shirt in a mixture of tears and snot.  He lets you cry for as long as you need, as long as you want.  

“I’m always here for you.  Okay?  I would do anything for you.”  He promises, stroking your back soothingly, placing a kiss to your temple.  Everything about you is so ugly in the moment and yet, he’s so patient and warm.  So attentive and loving.  His gestures begin to chip at the walls you built around yourself so long ago.  It would take time but he’s made the first cracks in those sturdy walls and he would spend forever helping you tear them down.  

The sobs and hiccups begin to settle down, not completely but enough that you have some composure.  Your wide eyes stare into his kind ones.  You’re forced to recognize the unconditional love swimming in his eyes.  The genuine concern for your well being and his necessity for your comfort and happiness.  

“I love you.”  An offer through your tears of that same love on a silver platter that he would gladly indulge in.  Hand brushing against the bottom of your chin, tilting it ever so slightly while the other rests on the small of your back, he delivers a nudge of his nose against yours, a piece of his heart.  

“I love you.  I will always love you.”  His words have a greater meaning, an oath that even through the bad times, the times where you were isolated and hated yourself, kicking yourself to the curb,  he would be right there to help you back up.  A brush of his thumb against a rogue tear on your cheek has you hanging onto his every action.  The way he continues to use his thumbs to clean up any remnants  of sadness that had been acquired over the last hour or so.  How his lips curl up in fondness when you brush your fingertips along his stubbly cheek.  A whispered thank you against his skin.  When he lays back and pulls you onto his chest, his breathing lulling you into a post cry sleep that you very well needed, one hand running up and down your back and the other tracing shapes into your arm—calloused fingers providing every bit of comfort needed.  How his lips press a kiss to your forehead.  The scary thoughts were at bay for now and Eddie would without a doubt help you to battle them the next time they invaded your mind, whether it be tomorrow or next week.  His words have you melting, insides gooey and sticky when he thinks you’re fast asleep but you’re really still clinging onto these last waking moments as you mold into each other.   

“You’re everything I could ever ask for.  I would do anything for you.”

~end~

Masterlist

[mariamegale]

What Becomes of the World

Burakhovsky, rated M, 13,131 words.

He thinks about what a fucking miracle it is that he’s still alive, and his chest tightens again. The problem with survival isn’t the here and now, Artemy is beginning to realise; that’s easy. Here and now, what matters is taking another breath, is pushing through whatever is happening into the next moment. Doing what you need to get done when your life is on the line and, by proxy, the lives of countless others, isn’t the hardest part. That is what comes after, when you’re no longer gasping for air, when there are no longer singular moments to gather your thoughts but an endless stretch of time ahead of you with no more looming disaster to take your mind off of the future. Now, that’s where he finds himself; in the future, inside that vague notion of hope he was clinging to for weeks as he sprinted across town, plague clouds chasing his heels, herbs and bottles and raw human organs jostling around in his medic bag, dead bodies left in his wake. The whole time, the future was on his mind, getting himself and his children and his friends to it, and now it’s here and he doesn’t know what to do when he’s stopped running.

Read it on AO3!

For @whumperless-whump-event 2024, day 29: Wrong place, wrong time: Robbery / One of many hostages / “Stay behind me, I can take a hit.”

a/n:

'write something for whumperless whump,' i said. 'it'll be fun,' i said. little did i anticipate when i woke up this morning with 800 words that this was going to evolve, because i don't know myself and never learn the message of anti-hubris i need to sorely figure out.

I have once again seen inspiration, lost my mind, and hurled out a fic so fast I should be concerned by my mental state. I do also have covid, so please, any typos or other nonsense, point it out to me.

As always, I adore you, and I hope you enjoy <3

Tags: Enemies to Lovers, The incredible romance of shooting three people to protect your idiot beau, Getting Together, Fighting, Hurt/Comfort, Arguing, Making Up, Making Out, Slow Burn, Post-Diurnal Ending, you know when you're soulmates, but you need to argue for a few thousand words before you both figure it out, yeah that: The Fic

Archive warnings: Graphic depictions of violence

Full tags under the cut.

Enemies to Lovers, Robbery, The incredible romance of shooting three people to protect your idiot beau, Getting Together, Fighting, Hurt/Comfort, Blood and Injury, Major Character Injury, Canonical Levels of Violence, aka nothing too bad, Arguing, Making Up, Making Out, Slow Burn, Post-Diurnal Ending, after the world ends, and the horrifying realisation you need to figure out what to do Next, Existential Crisis, Artemy is a Dad but it's very very background, Drug Use, aka morphine, Safe Sane and Consensual, aka daniil is not going to veer into dubcon whether artemy likes it or not, (he does not.), you know when you're soulmates, but you need to argue for a few thousand words before you both figure it out, yeah that: The Fic

[drakeanddice]

After eight sessions of Burning Wheel, we decided that it wasn’t clicking for our table. It had a bunch of neat tech baked in, but wielding the system was not a joy for us. It felt like we could either dedicate ourselves absolutely to the infinite Swiss watch design or else abstract down toward the core resolution forever without ever doing more than scratch the surface and in general neither of those felt…y’know, good. So we decided to drop it.

Which kind of sucks. I feel a little defeated by the book. Like, I spent a not inconsiderable amount of time plumbing through the obtuse and confusing self-referential and esoteric prose, trying to get to the heart of why so many of my favorite designers cite it as a seminal work in the TTRPG field, but all I got was the feeling that the inheritors of its ideas did a lot to clean them up, sharpen them, and make them infinitely more fun to engage with.

I’m left with a feeling I’m getting pretty used to. I missed that moment when this thing was “cool.” I missed the Forge, I missed G+, and I missed Burning Wheel.

But also, I’m given to understand the Forge, like Burning Wheel, had problems, so I’m not taking it too hard.

We decided to play Mausritter this Friday. In a complete 180 from the rule-heavy interlocking gears and levers of Burning Wheel, the 300 pages of character creation, we decided to roll 3d6 3 times, and then 1d6 twice and take our little adventurer mice into the great big world to face danger and find treasure.

I’ve been having a recent problem where I play games for the wrong reasons. I’m looking for inspiration, for pilferable game design thoughts, for experiences outside of my comfort zone. I’m running games as work, as research. I’m slavishly adherent to the rules as written because I feel as though I owe that to the designer, because they clearly knew what they were doing and were doing it for a purpose. It’s a mental weight.

So I am attacking Mausritter from an entirely different angle. It’s an OSR game, very light and fast and abstracted. The rules are loose and few. It’s very minimal mental overhead. So I don’t have a lot to worry about getting “wrong” in the way that I’ve been secretly fearing I’ve been doing for Burning Wheel these past eight weeks. I’m playing this one for fun.

I’ve told my table that I need them to keep me honest. This is not work. My Friday night table is often abused as a play test group, often treated as an extension of my job as a game designer. I design games so I must play them. But this one’s just for fun. Don’t let me think to hard about it. Because I’m not in a mental state to do that right now.

We’re going to be mice. It’s going to be fun.

Anyway. I’ve done a thing I haven’t done in forever and prepped for a game. I’ve got a cool hexmap (adorable), have created some factions out in the world (portentous), named some NPCs (wholesome), and home brewed up some interesting spells and items to sprinkle around (fun as hell). I have not sat and just played DM by myself in a while. Still not something I want to do every time, but a welcome break from conducting atop a surfboard in front of a disaster wave.

I’m excited about this game. Can’t wait to report back.

[surfinminhos]

especially in love with you ♡

hwang hyunjin x female reader (fluff)

requested! ---- Lrei

!! fluff au, kissing, mentions of stress, work. 2ND PERSON POV, cuddling, clingy bf, tiny fake text part, everything fluff! microscopic angst part !!

word count: 1,073

synopsis: You and Hyunjin have been dating for 8 months, The two of you haven't parted ways since. One day you went home exhausted from work. He was clearly worried about you and let you sleep for the rest of the night. The next day you woke up to see your boyfriend out of sight. Little did you know, he was planning a little gift to remove a little bit of your stress from work. It was the best gift you'd ever received from anyone. You both love each other dearly, but this day was really 𝘴𝘱𝘦𝘤𝘪𝘢𝘭.

-author's note: this is my first time writing something like this, ever so you can spot a lot of mistakes throughout my posts. I would love some tips on writing on Tumblr, overall tysm for reading.-

It was a scorching hot day and you were with your boyfriend that was going to drop you off to work. You two usually walked to your workplace every morning but considering the intense heat outside, you both decided that he'll just drop you off to work in his car. It was a pretty short and quiet ride. You both liked the comfortable silence that comes every once in a while. You two reached the workplace, wiping a little sweat dripping down your forehead from the hot temperature. You said goodbye to your boyfriend and kissed his cheek."Why can't you just take the day off and spend more time with me and Kkami?" he asked, frowning. "You know I can't do that Hyune, I have to work. Speaking of work, I gotta go, I don't want to be late. Bye," you kissed his cheek again and sent him multiple flying kisses on the way to your office's entrance. You walk inside your office as a bunch of your colleagues greet you and you greet them back. "Omg, I love you hyunjinnie baby mwa mwa mwa" your best friend, (y/f/n) stated mockingly. "Oh shut up (y/f/n), you're just jealous I dated someone longer than 2 days." you scoffed, making her blush a little from embarrassment. "Whatever, I still don't trust that guy." she ranted. "Well you should 'cause I don't think I can ever leave him," you stated. You organize your stuff as you mentally prepare yourself for a long day of work.

You went home, exhausted. You plopped down on your couch, not wanting to stand up, maybe it was because of the extreme heat, or you were too tired to do so. "Hyune! I'm home!" you exclaimed as you watched your boyfriend run down the stairs to check on you. "Hey jagi, how was work?" he asked as he sat down beside you, looking like a disaster compared to him, it seemed like he had just got out of the shower an hour before you arrived, you were lying down, limbs everywhere. "It was the most tiring 5 hours of my life," you answered. "Missed me?" you asked with a cheeky smile, trying to cover the fact that you were really tired yet failing miserably the moment you heard your boyfriend's response. "Of course I did," he cupped your cheeks as he kissed you. "I know you're tired, stop trying to cover it up jagi, I've made you food, eat up and change into your pj's and I'll get ready to cuddle you to sleep," he instructed."Alriiight, help me get up first," you blurted, causing both of you to laugh as he pulls you out of the couch. After you did everything he told you, you rushed to your shared bedroom and saw Hyunjin laying down in his pj's. He was shocked seeing you've done everything he asked so swiftly. "Staring is bad y'know," you said jokingly. You ran over to the bed and lay down beside him. He tucks you in the blankets, legs intertwined as he cuddles you tightly, while you smile at his actions. "Go to sleep now, dream of me cutie" he smirked, causing you to smile and blush even more as you drift away to sleep.

*bzzzt, bzzzt* you woke up to your phone buzzing loudly, you picked it up and glanced at the time, it was 7:23 in the morning. You grunted as you stretched your arms and saw the empty space on the other side of the bed, your boyfriend had woken up earlier than you. You wonder where he could've gone as you stand up and walk lazily to the bathroom to brush your teeth. After, you hear a sudden *ting!* from your phone, indicating a message. You check your phone and see it was from your boyfriend.

"Hm, I wonder what his surprise would be" you mumble, running down the stairs. Just as you said that, you saw what he meant in the text. He made a lot of paintings, of you. He made a cake for you with something written on top "I love you jagiya!", He made a whole interactive card origami filled with letters for you and your pictures together which takes hours to make. You swore you were going to cry 'cause of all the efforts he gave making all of this. You truly didn't deserve him. He was beside the cake, he flashed his smile at you and you smiled back. "You made all this? For me? Why?" you asked, feeling flustered. "Because I saw that you were exhausted from work yesterday and I wanted to make you feel relaxed since you've been stressed the whole week," he answered. Feeling butterflies in your stomach. You two spent the whole weekend together. If only you could live in this moment forever. Night came, and you two were on the balcony, enjoying the view. "I have told you this a billion times already, but I'll say it again. I love you. So much." you stated, breaking the silence. He smiles at you and lifts your chin up to face him with his thumb, "I love you too, so, so, so much. You're my favourite person ever. 𝐈 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮, 𝐞𝐬𝐩𝐞𝐜𝐢𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲." he says, and kisses you under the moonlight.

-END-

-author's note ~ IT'S FINALLY DONE! I sacrificed my sleep for this. send some requests! sorry if it's kinda cheesy, I tried. Stream 5 Star for 5 days of luck-