#my mental health issues making a comeback

[haniette]

my promise.

pairing | yoon jeonghan x fem!reader

genre | angst, fluff, idol au, jeonghan!soft boyfriend, established relationship, hurt-comfort

wc | 1.8k

warnings | mentions of mental health problems, lots of pet names (angel, sweetheart, love), family issues, kissing.

summary: when the the dark days when you felt worthless came, your sweet boyfriend was always the one to help you. however, recently, as he’s preparing for the new album, you are afraid to disturb him in his work. but how could you forget about his promise?

a/n: i’m sorry for being inactive past few months </3 i had a really hard time in my life, but now as everything is better, i’m comimg back to you all with a new angst-fluff fanfic with our angel, jeonghan <3 hope you’ll enjoy it ! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡

You immediately knew.

Right when you woke up, you could feel that today was going to be one of those days. With your tendency of bottling your emotions inside of you, there had to come a day where all of it would come out.

And not having Jeonghan next to you right when you opened your eyes in the morning to calm you down, made everything even worse.

He was your comfort, your peace, your safe place. Without him by your side, everything seemed colorless. That boy could make your smile come back again just by seeing his face. However, each of his smirks when he looked at you, his sweet laugh, and his warm and cozy hugs were still your favorite things.

And you did understand that since the boys were preparing for their comeback, they had to practice hard. But deep down, you hoped that Jeonghan could be with you all day, keeping you close to him, whispering sweet nothings into your ear, while making you sink into his scent that you adored so much.

Your gaze slowly moved to the window next to your bed, noticing that the rain was pouring pretty bad outside. Even the sky was crying with you.

Not so long after, the first tears ran down your cheek as you couldn’t hold them back anymore.

Recently, life has been really rough to you, not making it easier to keep a smile on your face. When you already had enough of your boss at work, then that one, stupid girl was making your situation even worse. Whatever you did, she always had to make a competition from it. And the fact that frustrated you the most, was that most of the time, she was doing your work even better than you.

Additionally, of course you had to get into another quarrel with your sibling. As if they couldn’t just leave you alone. You both had separate lives so why did they have to disturb you?

The cherry on top was your overthinking. About literally everything. About your life, your future, what could you do to finally love yourself, and also about your relationship with Jeonghan.

Are you a good girlfriend to him? Does he already have enough of you? Are you even enough for him?

Yeah, those days have always sucked. And you knew that there was only one medication for it. Yoon Jeonghan. If you could at least hear his voice.. No, you shouldn’t call him. He was practicing, and eventually he’ll come home later..? You deeply hoped that the ‘later’ will actually come quickly.

But as you were deep in your thoughts once again, the part of you which wanted to call him had taken control of your body. Quickly, you reached over to the bedside table for your phone, and opened your contacts immediately. You hesitated for a moment when you clicked on Jeonghan’s profile, however not even a second later you clicked the call button.

And after a few signals, you heard, “Yes, angel?”

Your boyfriend’s voice at the other side of the call sounded so sweet but at the same time he sounded exhausted, making the tears roll up to your eyes once again, threatening to fall any second.

Shit, you really needed him.

You let out a shaky sigh, “Hannie..” your voice was almost inaudible.

Even when you called him, you haven’t thought about what you wanted to tell him.

“Are you okay?”

You wanted to say that everything was fine, that you were fine. But you couldn't.

And this question made the tears in your eyes fall down really quickly, “Nothing’s right..” you cried into the phone, which made Jeonghan’s heart squeeze painfully. He knew that things had to be rough if you were crying.

His voice immediately became softer, “You’re crying..” he whispered, worried, “Are you home?” Jeonghan asked gently.

“Yes..” you sobbed, just unable to get it under control. He immediately hung up, and not knowing what to do, you started to cry even louder.

You snuggled into the sheets of your bed, muffling the sounds of your cries. And like that, you slowly fell asleep one more time, with tears still coming down your eyes.

The sound of thunder outside made you open your eyes, with your heart beating rapidly. Your breathing was irregular, and you felt hot. Especially from your back. And that was when you finally realized that a pair of slender arms were wrapped around your waist, keeping you close.

“Did you sleep well, angel?” you heard Jeonghan’s concerned voice behind you.

The boy left a soft kiss on your neck, making you shudder at his gentle action. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you.” he snuggled closer to you, and you turned around to look at him.

You knew that you probably looked awful, with your eyes red from crying, cheeks puffy from the tears that rolled down past few hours, and your hair messy.

But there he was, laying next to you, looking like a literal angel. His long, black hair was spreaded peacefully all over the pillow. He was dressed in fresh clothes, as he probably took a quick shower after the practice. His eyes shone beautifully, holding all of the stars from the universe in them. So ethereal, and so unreal.

You were glad that he was here with you.

“I’m s-sorry..” you whispered, with your voice starting to break, “I shouldn’t have called you. You’re busy preparing for your new album, and you still probably haven’t eaten.. it was selfish of me to not think about-” Jeonghan quickly shushed you by placing his lips on top of yours, connecting you in a sweet and full of love kiss.

The boy smiled softly, and tugged the messy hair strand behind your ear, “Stop saying nonsense, sweetheart.” he muttered, “You know that you can call me everytime, no matter what. I’m always here for you, love.” he said, to which a fresh turn of tears appeared in the corners of your eyes.

Jeonghan chuckled lightly and reached to gently wipe the tears from your eyes with his thumb.

“I feel like I’m a burden to you, Jeonghan.”

The silence in your room was overwhelming, only interrupted by the rain tapping against the window. You looked at Jeonghan, and your breath immediately hitched in your lungs as you found him staring at you, stunned. Your eyes wandered on his face, trying to catch every single emotion that he showed.

“I.. feel like I’m something that’s stopping you from what you’re doing. That..” your voice broke, feeling how your throat started to clench, “That I shouldn’t be with you.”

And even if you wanted him to scream at you, ask if you lost your mind, tell you that you’re stupid for thinking like that… nothing like this happened.

The boy only reached both of his hands to you, while scooping your fragile body and placing you on top of him. The steady beating of his heart was calming you, and his warmth soothed your nerves. You placed your head in the crook of his neck, breathing in his scent that immediately made you feel safe.

“I’m sorry.” Jeonghan whispered, “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way.” his voice was fragile, almost not hearable.

“However, I need you to know that you’re never a burden to me. Never.” his hands were wandering over your back, caressing it gently.

“I need you in my life, y/n.” he stated, and a sob escaped from your lips which made Jeonghan shiver, “Because without you, I’m no one.”

“Liar.” you mumbled through your tears, “No, I’m speaking the truth. From the depth of my heart.”

After a while, when you finally calmed down, the boy started once again, “You can’t let someone make you feel that you’re a failure, because you’re not. I love every part of you, every single one, my angel. You’re the most precious person I’ve ever met, and you’re not unlovable, don’t even let yourself think like that.” he kept reassuring you, your tears falling onto the collar of his black t-shirt, making it damp.

“T-thank you..” you whispered, feeling a pleasant warmth spreading in your chest.

You truly needed to hear those words.

Suddenly, the boy turned both of you over, to which now he was above you, supporting himself with his arms. The sight of Jeonghan’s mesmerizing eyes above you, made you gasp for a breath.

“I promised to love and care about you, didn’t I?” he said with a cocky grin, and you immediately looked at your promise ring that was on your ring finger.

In the moment of your distraction, he leaned down, and left a kiss on your forehead, “I love this part of you,” he said, then he kissed your temple, “and this,” he kissed your cheek, to which to let out a small chuckle, “and this” he kissed your nose, “and I love this the most.” he left a hungry and full of love kiss on your lips, to which you immediately reciprocated.

When Jeonghan pulled back, the sound of your sweet giggles was heard in the room, immediately warming the cockles of his heart. It was his favorite sound. He could listen to it everyday and all the time.

Another turn of butterfly kisses was left all over your face to which you laughed out loud brightly.

“I love you.” Jeonghan said suddenly, with a big grin on his lips, and love visible in his eyes.

You placed your hand on his cheek, making him melt under your gentle touch as he slowly closed his eyes.

Those three words were still making an impression on you. Especially when Jeonghan spoke those words. To you.

“I love you more.” you replied, and brought him closer to you, connecting both of you in another kiss.

“Okay sweetheart, I promised to also care for you, so we need to eat something.” he said, and a groan left your lips at the bare thought of getting out of bed and preparing the food.

“But don’t worry, I ordered takeout food for us.” he added, to which your eyes immediately shone with excitement, making Jeonghan laugh at your cute reaction.

He truly loved you.

That’s how Jeonghan was completing his promise of loving and caring about you. Because if Yoon Jeonghan did make a promise, you had to expect him to fulfill it.

And he always did it flawlessly.

© shuawonie | 2023, all rights reserved.

reuploads and likes are highly appriciated ♡

[gluion]

there have been many discussions surrounding the boycott of riize that i think there's no harm in sharing my two cents on this issue.

seunghan’s removal from riize speaks a lot about the state of the kpop industry, from the constant accommodation to fans' parasocialism to a lack of mental health protection for kpop idols. idols are being treated as commodities versus real people. we’ve seen it in newjeans’ situation, seungkwan’s instagram post, the starlight boys mission, and anecdotes from other idols.

what happens in the behind-the-scenes of the kpop industry is generally not common knowledge, but as more idols continue to speak up about mistreatment, it’s clear to see such a capitalistic industry does nothing but service management more than the idols themselves.

with that, i think it’s important that we don’t forget the purpose of the boycott. while it does have aims to bring seunghan back, i think it also speaks up against the lack of protection idols have.

still in doubt? well, i thought i could take some time to offer a different perspective on some common reasons people don't believe in the boycott.

"seunghan made the decision to leave the group."

it's not enough to take the statement at face value because you wouldn't be considering the context of the situation. seunghan left because of all the backlash he received. i wish more people recognized the reason why he made that decision. ultimately, the circumstances/situation cornered him to make that decision—and it shows the lack of protection that SM has over their artists. and you have to recognize that seunghan, although he's 21 years old, is a rookie artist. this is his first time as an idol, and to receive all that backlash after being relatively fresh from debut are waters he has never navigated.

"oh, the boycott won't work. SM is a big company."

everyone knows of SM’s status. the purpose of a boycott is to put pressure on them in light of seunghan’s removal. after all, the boycott is happening because people recognize a deeper issue that reflects the kpop industry: a lack of protection for their own artists. there is a long, ongoing history of boycotting and its success. boycotting is not instant. it will take time like any other boycott. this initiative aims to put pressure on SM to reevaluate their actions and current protocols in handling defamation of their own artists, especially rookie ones.

"let's just support the boys as they are now."

i understand that most people think it's better to support them as who they are now, but i would like for you guys to remember back to the reason why people are boycotting in the first place. the group fought for seunghan's comeback and it would be understandable for them to be stressed out by this whole situation. you can still support the current members while still holding SM accountable through a boycott. how? letters is always a start. weverse exists to help send your messages to artists. after all, we know how much riize would prefer to read your thoughtful and comforting words, especially now.

i would like to reiterate that boycotting doesn't translate in hate for riize but an initiative to put pressure on SM. people have reasons of why they chose to unstan riize due to how split the current fandom is between ot6s and ot7s. when a subgroup in a fandom manages to push for the removal of a member, it's hard to feel safe in such a space. however, instead of wasting your time trying to fight seunghan antis, you can find more ways to support the boycott and offer your own perspectives on why you support it.

i wish more people realized and reconsidered why multiple kpop fans from across different fandoms are united about this issue. as always, please reconsider if you aren't participating in the boycott!

resources:

boycott sm by @hanibani-world

boycott plans as international briize by @seoktized

BOYCOTT RIIZE with petition by @axibani

google drive of riize content sorry for the mention to these accounts! — thank you again for your posts <3

[fartfacedfuck]

Oh my fucking God I have so many AU ideas in my head and I don't know which one to actually make! Like there's the one I have th most set up, and then there's like atleest threee others I want to do! So I'm just going to make a list

1: sunnier days AU, bill Gose through about two and a half million years (literal) of theraprisim before suddenly being taken of all medication and put in a human body, this of course is not taken well and he ends up clawing out his right eye as well as a few lles serious wounds. Despite this the theraprisim still sends him off to the pines family for redemption. This AU would mostly focused on mental health and building relationships, although of course it will have a bit of a billford side plot.

2: idiots with guns AU, during the reunion fight ford shoots stan, stan becomes a ghost and is posed at first but that winds down later. In Despare and desperation ford calls Fidleford and *begs* him to comeback, Fidleford dosent want to but agrees becouse divorce and him allso having problems. So now ford fidleford and stan are in the same house experience stan is dead and the other two are working on reviving him, chaos and homosexuality insues. (Fidlestan)

3:second times the charm AU, Mabel and dipper head back to gravity falls three years later (there fifteen about to turn sixteen I think) stan is mostly healed from the memory gun, fidleford is doing better but still has some short-term memory issues as well as memory's from before weirdmagedon being really fuzzy. Stanford is researching an much happier but still dealing with trauma. This one will have fidlestan, dipifica and Mabel being a lesbian who eventually gets with some girl haven't worked out the details yet ¯\_(　´∀｀)_/¯

4:Starlight AU,the axolotl interviens after the eaclidian massacre and brings bill to earth when the stan twins are twelve (bill is twelve when he destroys Euclida) so bill grows up with the stan twins, learning his powers as well as the human way of life. This will have lots of billford and allso fidlestan becouse I say so (let's assume that fidleford moved to new jersey)

5:I can't think of a name for this one but it's about fidleford and stan trying to get ford back. bills fucking with them a bit becouse I can't resist adding him in. there's lot of angst between stan being a general mess and fidleford using the memory gun. It would have them looking at anomalies becouse anomalies are fucking cool. And it's mostly going to be slic of life becouse I want to.

I have more but these are the main ones,If you have anyothers suggestions are absolutely welcome, If not I'd deeply appreciate you giving your opinion on which of these to work on becouse I have no idea 😅

[wooahaeruby]

Chapter 4: You've Given Me A Piece of Happiness

Chapter Word Count: 3,683

Anything in Bold Italics are Korean/Another language

Master List | Prev | Next

2020

Everything went to hell for a while.

March brought the shutdown of New York. Covid-19 was running rampant across the entire world. You didn’t know what to make of it. Though your job didn’t lay you off, you were working one-hundred percent from home. It was killing you, months of staring at the same walls, trying to navigate the unknown of the world around you to survive. Many days held anxiety for your loved ones, worried for their wellbeing, their soulmates. Being in one of the epicenters of the breakout, you took care to self-isolate and keep inside as much as possible.

It was hard, but over the years, your mental health got better, you spoke with your friends, your family, and started making more friends here in the city. You had moved up in the past three years at your job, you had an amazing team behind you that was open minded and ready to work unlike many of the other coworkers you’ve dealt with in the past. You made the comment of being alone but never lonely.

“Mimi, you really should just let me have groceries delivered to your house, I can afford it if it’s too much for you.” You sighed into the phone, laying back on your couch. “Or let me reach out to Jay and have her help you since she is in town.” 

“ Sweetie, you know I don’t really mind going out, I need it! I might be old but your grandfather and I are healthy, we are letting the soulbond do its magic.” Mimi laughed, moving something around in the background. She huffed and more rustling was heard. “ I’m taking precautions; masks, washing my hands, and I’m taking those damned vitamins you sent us every day – which is annoying as hell by the way. And your grandfather is being a peach fixing all the little problems we’ve had in this house for years now.” 

Shaking her head, you blankly stared at the ceiling before rolling your eyes. “Just don’t do anything reckless. I have Jay keeping an eye on you and I can get the neighbors to-” 

“ Goodbye Y/N, I love you. Don’t pester me-” And she hung up on you.

Not long after your abruptly ended call, a video call came in, one from your coworkers turned close friend, James, or Jamie as you call him. He has been calling you nearly every day since he was bored at home since his boyfriend, who worked in the Japanese business aspect of the company, was across the country with his family. Swiping your finger across the screen, you were met with a similar sight to yourself, Jamie laying back with his phone above his head. 

“Babes, listen up, I have the best announcement of the year.” You scoffed but said nothing in protest. “Seventeen is having a comeback next month.”

Ah yes, that was a recent development. For about a year now you have fallen into the trap of Kpop – thanks to Jamie. Seventeen was the first group he introduced you to when you noticed a guy as his background, who you thought was his boyfriend at first. Turned out to be a member named Mingyu, who you jokingly called Big Sexy once while drinking, and his boyfriend’s – well, soulmate – Kazuk ‘bias’ as they called it, was Jeonghan. 

“Didn’t they just release Fallin’ Flower a little over a month ago?” 

“Yes and? Moving on, we need to start saving money for when they have another world tour since we didn’t go to the one before the pandemic.” 

“You won’t take no for an answer?”

“Never, you have accepted yourself into this hole and I’m going to drag you in every way I possibly can.” At that, you laughed now, letting a snort out at the foolishness. Jamie only grinned and wiggled his eyebrows. “And you can see your favorite, most handsome bias in the whole world live, Scoups~” 

“That isn’t so unappealing…” You sat up from your lying position and shook your head. “If we work hard and can get everything done from now until then without an issue, how about I treat us to it. Deal?” 

“Deal, boss lady.” 

Jamie laughed now, jumping up and off his bed as he paced energetically about his apartment. “You better start saving your money because I’m going to knock this shit out of the ballpark. Do you understand me? I’ll hold this bet over your head now!” 

The sudden shift in languages wasn’t uncommon now. You had finished your linguistics degree, having proficiency in four languages, and were currently in the processes of your Masters in business and international relations. It only reminded you of when Jamie first introduced you to Kpop the year prior. 

“Wait wait wait, you speak, read, breathe Korean in your job, you literally deal with international business from there and you don’t know Kpop?” He had asked, eyes wide and disbelief across his face. 

“I hate to tell you this Jamie, I’ve been living under a rock trying to keep my head above the water and moving up in my job. It isn’t like I had a lot of free time between that and finishing my first degree.” You replied as you typed away on the computer at your office desk. “Plus, I’ve listened to kpop, just never dove deep into all the fandom and group mumbo-jumbo.”

“ I don’t doubt that at all my dear friend.” Something Jamie liked to joke about was that your voice became softer each time you spoke in Korean, Japanese as well. “ But don’t just be working hard for a concert, understand? If your performance drops after, I can and will fire you as your boss.” 

“Oh because you would totally want to fire me, basically secretary and best friend.” Sarcasm bled into his words. “ You wouldn’t have a piece of entertainment in that boring off all day when we go back in the building or in your quiet studio apartment if i never called you so often. ”

Thinking back at those memories never failed to bring warmth to your chest. Jamie’s relationship with Kazuki, or just Kazu as he liked to be called, had given you some hope of the relationship you hope to have with your soulmate; communication, love, support, and understanding. From what you can tell, your soulmate wasn’t someone from your country, you’ve had many sleepless nights because of their sleep schedule being opposite of your own. 

Many of those nights you wondered what kind of person they were, what they did for a living, so much more, but you didn’t ponder too much. You held hope for yourself and your soulbond unlike your parents did. Those same nights you looked down at the countdown on your wrist, feeling whatever emotion they were experiencing, and wondered what that day will bring when you meet them. 

“I don’t even feel sick but we have to be holed up in our rooms for two weeks.” Seungkwan complained in their zoom call ‘schedule’ before they were recording. “ It just sucks we can’t do the stages and see Carats.” The pout was permanent on his expression currently. 

“ Yah, just be grateful we aren’t feeling sick like millions of others in the world.” Mingyu rolls his eyes, leaning back in his desk chair. 

“ Mingyu-hyung, you know I don’t mean it like that!” 

“Both of you, quiet. Let’s just get through this and pray the next two weeks go quickly so we can move on from this.” Joshua sighed, adjusting his laptop for a better view of himself once the recording started. 

Getting Covid right after the release of a new mini album wasn’t the worst thing so far. Or at least that’s what Jihoon told himself. Well, aside from the fact that he didn’t have much of his recording equipment…or a palace where he can work out properly…and all he really could do was watch anime. That wasn’t so bad.  There were plenty of new anime that were released or some that were getting another season. 

That began the longest two weeks of his life. Boredom was the overarching feeling. While he was a homebody (or studio-body as everyone liked to say for him), he hated the feeling of being locked up and unable to do anything. Jihoon had started a workout routine with the items he found around his room or calisthenics. He had taken to sleeping the majority of the days and while on a normal schedule, that would be fine for a day off, but after his third nap of the day and still days on end to go, he resorted to reading tweets, instagram posts, and more entertainingly, Tik Toks. 

Carats, despite Seventeen’s inability to perform for them, were great at entertaining themselves. Edits, assumptions, and just overall weird or funny tweets were simple joys they could pursue. In his mindless state, he began sending them into the groupchat the thirteen of them had. Jokes were exchanged regarding Jihoon of all people sending Seventeen memes into the chat, but not long after, a few others joined in on the antics. It was better than them watching netflix in bed, now it was just social media flipping before going back to netflix. So amusing. 

While Jihoon was glad his members, his staff, and himself were safe and only had mild symptoms for a few, he held immense relief that his soulmate was alright. There were some days over the past few months that he had anxiety bubble up in his chest at random times, how sometimes he had felt their worry but it didn’t last long from you.

It was funny how you had such a vast bank of emotions. While he did have many emotions, his own didn’t seem as deep as yours. While he worried, you had fear or anxiety pocketed with it. While he had excitement for comebacks and new music in general, when you felt excited, it was electrifying as if it was sparking him to life. He held partial envy concerning it. Your emotions alone reminded him of Seokmin, Soonyoung or even Minghao now, so emotionally mature to a point, so intune with their emotional expressions. It drove his music most days. 

Soonyoung actually made a list of some of their recent songs that had to do with the emotions he felt from his soulmate. Together was one from their recent album. It was inspired by the idea that one day he will walk on the same path with his soulmate and go through the hardships together. Jeonghan and Joshua had a field day making fun of him when they found out about Second Life . While he is someone who speaks comfortably with his brothers about how he feels and what runs through his head, he kept many of the feelings you subconsciously shared with him to himself. 

“ ...ung….Hyung…Woozi-Hyung.” Jihoon shook his head, sitting up from his slowly reclining position in his desk chair to look down at his ipad screen. 

“ Thank you for coming back to earth.” Mingyu snorted, starting to wiggle his eyebrows. “ Are they awake?” 

A few of them insisted on video chatting today since they had been so bored. It was a majority of the Maknae line that blessed his screen. At the question, snickers were heard through his speakers causing him to roll his eyes.

“ No, I was thinking about somethi-”

“Thinking about how in Loooooove you are with your soulmate.” Seokmin and Seungkwan hollard out with extra obnoxious energy. 

Closing his eyes, Jihoon took in one long breath, flattening his lips in his signature ‘bread face’. He held his breath in for a moment before opening his eyes and stared deadpan at the people on his screen. 

“ I know where you sleep.” 

“Hey hey, wow, six feet apart, Hyung, can’t have us getting sick again.” Seungkwan’s words flowed out quickly, holding a hand out towards his screen.

Jihoon’s expression went from flat to somewhat disgusted. Once again, he rolled his eyes.

“ We are already- You know what I’m not even going to attempt to argue this with you because you will just continue to make jokes.” 

From his point of view, he saw his bandmate’s faces light up in victory and grin wide. 

Glancing down at his wrist though, he traced his thumb over the dark numbers on his skin. He just needs to be patient. Just over two more years.

2022 

From all the hard work from the three of you and the rest of your team, you all had received decent bonuses and a healthy promotion for yourself, advancing up to an assistant manager position in the sector of the international business section of the company. You felt accomplished outside of it all. Your masters was finished, you were advancing in your job, and you felt genuinely happy. Your grandparents were still around, your friends only got closer, and you had on and off butterflies knowing that you were so close to meeting your soulmate. 

As you sat in your office, leaning back in the cushioned chair, you lazily read through some of the files you needed to get through by the end of the week. So far, you were ahead of schedule so you didn’t stress too much, however you wanted to just peek at the information you needed to know. It was a quiet Tuesday so far, nothing too serious popping out at you. 

Your soulmate had been up all night, they were jittery, both excited and nervous. It had been building for the past couple of days, but it was nothing too major until now. 

It was later in the work day for yourself, closer to 4:30. You were passively getting work done before you clocked out at five and went home. Somewhere on your organized mess of a desk, your phone vibrated, but you paid no mind to it, knowing you can check it later. Not long after, you hear hurried steps from down the hall thanks to your office door being open and the out of breath call of your name as Jamie bends over in the doorway. 

You sat up, dropping the files on the desk and standing up. 

“Hey, is everything alrig-”

“Just…” He heaved a breath in, “Check twitter now!” 

Confused, you were taken back when Kazuki appeared behind Jamie, eyes wide and absolutely beaming at you. You’ve seen him animated before, he was bounding on the balls of his feet. It didn’t dawn on you yet but as you picked up your phone and opened twitter, it hit you. 

Staring down at your phone, you laughed to the point tears bloomed in your eyes. 

“Oh my god. You both are ridiculous.” You leaned forward with your hand on your desk. Though tear hazed eyes, you shook your head, seeing the two standing just beyond your desk now, giddy and nearly childlike. The fancy suits only added to the comedic scene.

To be far, you didn’t expect Jamie and Kazu to actually take your bet as seriously as they did, but yeah. It happened. You owed them (and yourself) tickets to the Seventeen concert now. 

“Jamie, Kazu, we are going to see Seventeen!” 

In the first days of June, Jamie, Kazuki, and yourself sat shoulder to shoulder on your living room floor. Though it wasn’t ideal, the three of you took the day off in advance for this. Each of you unsurprisingly had the Weverse membership, but you sat early in the queue for the ticketmaster sales to go live for early access. Your laptop rested on the coffee table before you, taunting you. On September 6th of this year, the group will be performing in Newark, New Jersey. You had decided to go there instead of New York itself. 

Your body buzzed with excitement, hands shaking and unable to stop your leg from bouncing. Jamie was doom scrolling through twitter, Kazuki was attempting to focus on the video he was watching, but your eyes never left the computer screen. Over the last hour, you triple checked your credit card information and the amount of money in your account. Now you sat, listening to the idle words leaving Jamie’s lips when he found an amusing tweet. The words never processed in your head, melding together with the brainless thoughts. 

“You look ready to throw up.” Kazuki placed his arm around your shoulder, making you tense but let out a breath of relaxation after. 

Turning your gaze to him, physically you deflated. “Nervous energy is building up. I’m excited, dizzy, and a little stunned that we are sitting on the floor of my apartment sitting in early access queue for all this. I just want to get us good seats.” 

“Babes, no matter what seats you get us, you know we won’t mind.” Jamie now threw his arm over your shoulder from the other side, squishing you between them. “All I care about is us seeing them and you getting to meet your soulmate! Hopefully they are cute, and who knows,” He began to wiggle his eyebrows, “Maybe it’s your bias.” 

The look of pure disbelief at his words had both of them cackling. To be honest, it wasn’t like you didn’t think about it. Kazuki did make that joke when you started to bias Seungcheol, but you never took it seriously. That was some delulu shit. 

Returning your eyes to the computer screen, your heart dropped. You were in the proper queue. You voiced the change and suddenly the three of you were sitting forward. As the number slowly got closer to zero, your heart jumped to your throat as the floor plans appeared. 

Fast fingers work on the bluetooth mouse and keyboard, quickly finding open seats that nearly had you keeling over. Floor seats, front row just off center to the left from the extended stage. You took no time to secure the tickets, bated breaths praying you were able to get them in time. From past ticket sales along, you knew the competition was cutthroat to put it lightly. As you watched the screen load, you froze in awe. Before you on the screen were three confirmed seats for the concert, front row.

Jamie’s hand on your shoulder slowly traveled to your back and began patting slowly at first but turned into semi-hard slaps of elation. “YN, YN you got them!” He yelled in your ear, breaking your unblinking stare at the confirmed screen. Your phone buzzed with an email regarding the purchase and a copy of the tickets. 

You blinked once, twice, three times, then the tears just…started to fall from your eyes and you let out a high pitched squeal. The sounds that began to leave you were really coherent, rather babbling of unnecessary doubt about the situation. 

“Holy fuck!” You were finally able to form proper words. “I just spent over a thousand dollars for this, you better get me food and stuff for the rest of my life! Kiss the ground I work on! Worship me like a Goddess!” 

Standing up, you jumped around the room, unable to keep yourself still even for a moment, believing that if you stopped, you’d wake up from this dear. 

“We’ll need outfits, a hotel, take the time off to-” You rattled off necessary things, but Jamie laughed and wrapped his arms around you, jumping in a circle. 

“One step at a time! I’ll make sure everything gets in order for this.” He placed the fattest, wettest kiss on your cheek. Half gagging as a joke, you push him away and snort.

It was going to be a night you will never forget for sure. 

“ I’m telling you hyung, they have to be a carat. No one can be that restless on a weekday and the time matches up with-.” It was the third time Jihoon said something similar to that in the last hour. 

Sitting in his studio, the animated energy that his soulmate pushed through to him was keeping him up. To no one’s surprise, Seungcheol and Soonyoung were lazing around on the couch on their phones, however it was nearing 4 in the morning. 

“ Jihoonie, if you repeat yourself one more time, I’m going to kick you out of your own studio.” Seungcheol dropped the arm holding his phone over his head, huffing before he continued. “ Take a chill pill and breathe. ” 

Turning around in his chair, Jihoon physically deflated despite the curiosity he held within himself. Beside the leader, Soonyoung hit his arm gently against the former’s chest. “ Leave him alone, let him be a love sick puppy and believe his soulmate is a carat. ” 

“ Yah, I’m not a love sick puppy-” 

“Yes you are.” His counterparts retaliated. Soonyoung continued sitting up to look level with Jihoon, “ For a guy that doesn’t want to talk about their soulmate much because you want to keep their emotions private, you sure do talk about them a lot.”

As he was about to counter argue the point, a tightness formed in his chest. The excitement he felt turned into pure unfiltered adrenaline. The sudden rush of emotions had him dizzy, using his elbows on his knees to hold his head up. That adrenaline only lasted moments before a bloom of bliss washed through his limbs. Soonyoung was kneeling in front of him when he came down from the shared high, shaking his head to clear the fog that was forming. It was like they had dipped themselves in euphoria and were riding out the glee. 

“ Tickets just went on sale in the US, right? ” Jihoon asked, giving no explanation to his friends, but Seungcheol gave him confirmation nonetheless. 

Soonyoung frowned, eyebrows knitting together as he sat back on the small ointment pushed against the wall behind his desk. 

“ I’m probably right by the way, assholes.” 

Scoffing in disbelief, the three shared a laugh. 

This year was going to be interesting.

[heian-era-housewife]

Hello all!

Recovery, diagnosis, and continued health journey below the break.

TLDR: Stage 4 endometriosis, still waiting on results for the heart condition, tired, sore, overall am going to be okay 👍 I do, however, hate being the owner of a uterus.

Most importantly, thanks everyone for the love, support, and well wishes! Glad to be back! It will be slow. Don't expect too much, but I do still plan to play catch up on Kinktober, even if it goes into November a little bit.

Trigger warnings: blood, mental health, mention of sex, gender identity, generally just Yuri whining 😅

I'm not sure where to begin. When I imagined writing this comeback post, pre-surgery I thought it would be all smiles and sunshine. I knew there would be pain, but I thought the worst of it would be behind me. Currently, I feel like I'm sitting toward the bottom of what may be a very long uphill struggle.

While my surgery went smoothly, the care I received around the surgery was eye opening. We waited for hours on end both before and after the surgery to get answers, to get help, to use the bathroom or be offered water.

Sometime before I woke up I had apparently been given some disposable underwear and a pad because I was bleeding pretty heavily. When I was finally able to use the restroom, I discovered that the pad had been placed cotton-side down with the adhesive side facing my body. The sticky part was still covered with the backing (thankfully), but this had caused blood to run everywhere including down my legs where I could not reach, as I was unable to bend. The only person available to help me at the time was a man whose bedside manner was less than desirable, so I just lived with the blood stains.

This was just one of many instances where it felt like I was almost being punished for having the reproductive organs that I do. And frankly, that has been my experience my entire life as someone who menstruates, who has had difficulty with menstruation, and who has had near constant pain and problems in that area.

Ultimately, I was diagnosed with stage 4 endometriosis. I know very little about this condition and by the time I had woken up from surgery, the surgical staff had gone home. There was no one willing to answer questions and I have since been told I will need to wait two weeks until my follow up appointment to speak with the doctor and get details. Until then, I am left with my own research. From what it seems, there is no cure and very minimal that can be done for treatment of symptoms. My discharge notes make mention of heavy scarring on my ovaries from recurring cysts, which are sure to continue. The endometrial tissue can also appear on or effect other parts of the body as they had in this past instance where tissue was present around my intestines. It can grow on lungs and even the brain, though these cases are extremely rare.

It's hard not to feel discouraged right now. I thought this surgery would be a huge step forward toward feeling better, but it feels more like a tiny drop in a bucket of larger issues and possibly more surgeries and complications to come. Not only this, but I am enraged both by the absolutely abysmal healthcare system here in the U.S. but by the treatment of and complete lack of empathy for those who have vaginas, uteruses, who experience menstruation or pregnancy and any number of complications from these things. I've said it before and I'll say it again, "women's" healthcare is a JOKE, but this goes beyond women. If I, a cisgender female, am experiencing such a lack of care and empathy, I can only imagine how any person with these organs who doesn't fit the stereotypical image or definition gets treated. I hate it.

Anyhoo...

Recovery is expected to take about two weeks. No sex for six weeks (for real this time)

Still waiting on results from my heart monitor.

Wanting to tackle mental health after squaring away what I can of physical health.

Depression and anxiety is now worse than ever. Doing my best not to slither into my little hermit hole and hide from it all.

Writing helps. Drawing helps. The love and care from amazing people on this silly little site helps.

And of course, there is Hubs, who deserves a standing ovation for the incredible job he has done caring for me, advocating for me, and reminding me every day that truly good people do still exist 🩷

If you've read this far, please go get yourself a cookie or something 🍪 and thank you, truly, for being part of this little journey with me 💕

[outsidereveries]

old posts from curiouscat (23rd august 2024—3rd september 2024)

23rd August 2024

will JYP, SM or HYBE ever hit by scandal like YGE (ex.: Burning Sun & drug controversy issues), or something bigger than these?

aaand aespa's drama is on my mind

SME | 2 of cups, 4 of pentacles rx, knight of cups, 7 of pentacles rx, 5 of pentacles

a mixture of scandals, it will involve the older units of nct. as i see a few of them will leave sme (and they'll try to make ultimatums but won't work), the scandals will be many for the purpose nct at its best to rebrand: x will have behaviour scandal, possibly similar to what irene had in the past, the s*xtape i saw in the past is still here and many more, it'll be scandal after scandal

JYPE | 4 of pentacles rx, the hierophant, the hermit, 10 of cups, 9 of cups

no, they won't, they select their trainees extremely well

HYBE | page of pentacles, ace of pentacles, 2 of pentacles, 2 of wands, 6 of swords

their drama between ador and the rest of the corporation will be the worst drama they'll have as of now, so i don't see worse one

can I ask about Rosé? can you tell us about her general vibe and if you can pick something about how her record is gonna sound like/what themes she is gonna talk about in it?

general | the lovers, 5 of cups rx, the devil rx

she's feeling really great, the energies are very high, she's working on her comeback!

next release | 4 of cups, justice rx, 10 of pentacles, 8 of wands, 5 of wands rx

i sense the lyrics here, so, it'll be related to how she was treated in yge and her feelings about it (some keywords might be dissapointed, unfair, in a rush, illusion, compromises, money, sadness). so far, it's about 1 of her title tracks.

i asked separately my pendulum a bit more information, she currently wants to release a full album of 11 songs with 2 title tracks, therefore that might be why the cards sensed one of them.

do you see a creative director or manager coming in and aiding yge in the future?

5 of pentacles, ace of pentacles, 9 of pentacles

nah, they might even kick an one, which is ironic🤠 eventually there is a chance of someone popping up after this happens but i doubt they'll work for the company

will yge be forever trapped in the past?

the magician, 3 of pentacles, 9 of cups

i'm not sure how to answer, but if the past is related to yge's glory days, i.e. the 2nd gen and to some extent blackpink's group activity (i'd say i sense more the 2nd gen), then yes, they'll still try to duplicate it. if yge becomes a subsidiary, i see it'll be a pattern even there. so i'd say yes.

27th August 2024

will hybe losing to mhj have an impact on anyone

page of swords, the fool rx, 8 of wands rx

hm... honestly, i can see there will be influence in one way or another (when hybe hypothetically lose) but it will come in the ruleship of companies, i.e. changing ceos, shifting invenstments in one place to another and similar stuff. if there's an important impact, it'll come slowly but steady.

how is enhypen’s mental and physical health rn? it seems like belift has rly been overworking them with the never ending fate+ tours and they’ve been rly low energy and sick recently so engenes have been worried about them…

mentality | wheel of fortune, the high priestess, 2 of pentacles

so, their vibrations are great, they're feeling good, on the mental surface though it's complex: some of them feel good, osme of them don't, they're managing it and it's not that fatal.

physical health | 6 of cups, the world, 9 of pentacles

physically though i can see why they're tired, it's similar to what i saw with heeseung recently, habits, habits and habits, the boys have a least a few unhelphul habits that make their energy lower and lower (sometimes with the time, sometimes right away) and therefore this makes sense why the boys show signals just now. similar to the boys' mental health, some of them feel ok while others worse but all of them don't seem to feel good physically, or a little better. one of them might be ill at the moment but nothing much so far :|

how katseye feel about each other and their relationship with each other?

feelings | 9 of pentacles, 8 of swords rx, 5 of swords rx, 5 of pentacles rx

neutral, very independent from one to another.. i'd say they just don't care for each other tbh, i don't feel they're close.

bond | 4 of pentacles rx, 6 of swords, ace of swords

similar to their feelings for each other, they're pretty much individualistic girls and i don't real;y sense any closure. their potential to be closer is there but as of now i don't feel it can happen.

do you think you can do a reading on which industry the next big globally famous group will come from? Do you know the next most popular group worldwide, globally of the caliber of BTS, 1D and that type of very, very famous group? I have a few options, Korean industry (thanks god no pls xbkdkd), English, USA, Latin (hope v":) or other industry.

2 of swords rx, 2 of pentacles, the hermit

it'll take long time before learming about them, so i'm assuming the industry they'll come from is ... unknown. for some reason they might come from the balkans (the peninsula, so europeans) or africa and they might be a boy group. i can only feel that :|

what concept, lyrics, MV, how many songs will aespa have in their next Korean comeback?

concept | the devil rx

lyrics | king of cups, 9 of wands

mv | page of cups

x songs?? | 5 of wands

so far some of the details aren't certain yet.

concept | similar to drama, the girls might be more creatively free to make any ideas

lyrics | i don't feel any changes but it can be similar to what we're used to hear from them (lyrics-wise)

mv | i sense a similar vibe to black mamba and welcome to my world (+ drama) altogether

songs | they haven't decided yet.

according to my pendulum, the amount of songs might be between 9 and 10 right now, if sme decided aespa will do an ep, then some of the songs will be removed, transferred or postponed.

[rumor ot truth?] are Karina and Ningning the ideal type for some or most male idols?

the magician, death, 2 of cups

it's complex for karina but i can allegedly confirm that it's true for ningning. it looks like most of the idols who like karina somehow (and are single) want to ... do adult things with her and up to that. there might be rumors that she's good at ... it.

how KATSEYE feel now that the public has seen the documentary about them and their reaction towards it?

sophia | 4 of wands rx, 10 of pentacles

doesn't feel good about the documentary and the reactions surrounding it, she's even feeling sad, but since she gets a percentage of the documentary in one way or another... welp what i can say else

manon | 5 of pentacles rx, 5 of swords rx

i'd say that she doesn't care. her feelings are negative about the release and the comments but she's just indifferent about it

daniela | ace of pentacles, the world rx

she's feeling good that the documentary got released but she hates the reactions, she expected for them to be better

lara | 5 of cups rx, the tower

she dislikes the montage of the documentary series, especially how she's seen there. she also isn't fond of the reactions from the people who watched the show, but she understands it because it had to be edited better. i see that lara wanted other things to be added instead of these that made her evil edited (to her).

megan | 7 of wands, page of wands

similar to lara, she sees that she's also evil edited in a way when it comes to her relationship with manon. she doesn't feel bad about the reactions because when she saw what is seen on the surface, she expected them to be like that, so she's a bit neutral about what outsiders think because of the montage.

yoonchae | queen of cups rx, knight of swords

as i see she hasn't allegedly watched (on her own i believe) the docu series, she feels bad about the outsiders' opinions. she got sad but hey, she hasn't watched it on her own to see it so.. yeah

31st August 2024

can you read about the future LA HYBE artist? solo, group, male, female?

the tower rx, the emperor, the devil rx, 10 of pentacles, 5 of cups rx

the tower rx leads me to something they're used to, so a group, the emperor is usually giving masculine energy, so possibly a boy one + another confirmation is 10 of pentacles where hybe might want to try to replicate bts' success in 1 way or another.. therefore i'm leaning towards a boy group. according to my pendulum, they might aim for 7-member one but might go up to 10-member one.

do you think vernon and wonwoo is most likely the reserved person in seventeen?

vernon | ace of pentacles, strength, page of cups rx

to me it's a big no, he's more communicative than you might've seen, he might be extremely selective to who he choose to be close with so that might be why you thought that? vernon seem to communicate with his staff the most, which can explain why he might come off as reserved (because maybe he has less friends from school and his homeplace) but he's not exactly introverted, he's more ... adventurous, more risky, more emotional.

wonwoo | ace of swords, 5 of pentacles rx, 5 of cups rx

to me he might be more "reserved" (if not the most, i only sensed hoshi more .. personally so far), i see that he's extremely honest to the point he might be "too brutal" and he just doesn't care. he might have issues to find the proper way to communicate because he's too mature for the most male koreans, he doesn't have any common topics because if i can compare him to an average male korean, wonwoo's too balanced, wonwoo's too mature, wonwoo's too smart while an average male korean is usually .. dumb, disbalanced and other synonyms you can think of. there's just a red wall between wonwoo's values and ... the average men koreans' ones. like the biggest red wall you can imagine.

so no for vernon and possibly (because i don't know 17's energies well) yes for wonwoo.

will there be any other NCT member scandals?

5 of cups rx, the hierophant, 10 of swords rx, 2 of pentacles, 2 of cups

they might be similar to taeil's in one way or another. i can see whatever they'll be they'll go on court. some keywords that popped are "the n-th room" (the telegram chats?) and "age gap"

do you see more nct members being exposed?

5 of pentacles rx, 4 of cups rx, 9 of swords, 2 of wands rx, king of swords

yes, i can see a similar situation with another member being kicked out in the same way taeil was kicked out. the reasons for this happening can be similar to what happened recently too.

i’m nosey about the legal proceedings between mhj and hybe bc hybe did everything correct to terminate her as ceo and demote her to a simple employee but her lawyers seem very confident that they’re going to be able to get hybe on some type of technicality

will try to see as much as i can

5 of cups rx, death, 5 of pentacles rx, temperance rx, the tower, 3 of pentacles, king of pentacles rx

here's the thing. they demote her illegally (king of pentacles rx is the main indicator to me as it can show corruption), so... min heejin is right :) again.

did aespa see criticism and hate for their recent performance on k-world 2024 on the 22nd of August? will they take the criticism to get better or it was sabotaged by SME?

3 of swords rx, queen of wands, the chariot, 7 of cups, judgement

aespa aren't aware of the criticism in their perfomance. despite their unawareness, i see that sme turned off the mics on purpose for no reason. sorry for feeling only indifference this time..

is jo woochan under TBL? i saw that he follows in ig a lot of people under there (even producers, choreographers) and I heard a lot of rumours about tbl wants to do a bg in the future.

personally i'm not considering tbl as small company, but well, let's see

page of pentacles, 7 of pentacles, page of wands

well.. no. tbl are too restricting to him.

will meovv copy aespa's concept with metaverse, digital, parallel and real world? ‘cause the sound on Sooin's teaser sounds like any aespa kwangya teaser or Girls’ MV teaser..

ace of cups rx, 10 of cups rx, the hierophant rx

the common thing between the 2 groups concept-wise is the multiple universes, nothing else (allegedly). if they copy something, because i can see there's truth to tbl copying something with the reversed hierophant, it'd be the loonaverse.

how are the nwjns members feelings right now?

minji | 6 of wands

she's feeling really great, something went in her favor recently

hanni | 4 of cups rx + 8 of swords rx

she's more motivated to work the things out in her benefit, i sense she wants some solo gigs?

danielle | the empress

she's feeling great, might have ideas for a song

haerin | the high priestess

nowadays she's more in tune with herself, i'd say she's trying to balance herself

hyein | 6 of pentacles rx + 4 of pentacles rx

recently she was more generous than usual but it's not out of ordinary

the girls’ overall feelings and thoughts seem to be at least neutral

whats the relationship between sohee and sungchan?

queen of wands, 5 of pentacles rx, 2 of cups

their bond seem to be really nice and they communicate well with each other. i can see that if someone's more invested than the other, it will be sungchan but nonetheless they vibe with each other extremely well. if it was bad between them before, now their bond is way better. (as i check their dynamics for the 1st time)

ador announced that mhj has stepped down as a ceo but will remain as their producer and in house director. ador also said that it was mhj decision (i might be wrong) and they all agreed to it. the new ceo is a girl from hybe so i want to know if this new ceo will be great or not for nwjns in terms of relationship, freedom, creative freedom etc. and i saw someone said that it might be a plan from hybe since mhj doesnt have the power in this situation to prevent it + "omg it was just confirmed that it wasn't her desicion but hybe's and mhj wasn't aware on this?" .. sth like that

8 of wands, 7 of swords rx, 9 of wands, 4 of wands, the chariot

i'd say neutral to great intentions, she realises that she has to catch up so fast on everything and will geniunely try her best to be as good as possible (without ill intentions unlike these directors where they're neutral to baaaad). however nwjns won't like her immediately bc of what happened until now and will be extremely guarded. it'll be a heck of rollecoaster to her to have nice bond with newjeans but it can turn out good in the end. the situation is just a bit sketchy and i believe it's normal.

when it comes to freedom, she'll give them what they need, even more, when it comes to the girls' creativity she could have some ideas but nwjns will reject them.

you “see” mhj coming out on top with hybe the conglomerate but what about with the companies under hybe? i think she’s suing source and belift too but will anything come from that?

from past readings, i saw that soumu allegedly will close down while belift will change their staff. i'll check the current energies!

belift | 7 of swords rx, temperance rx, 9 of wands

as far as I can see what the situation is, they will make themselves a victim, when in fact are guilty for doing whatever they did. so far i don't see an exact outcome but they'll try their best to at least slow down the court.

soumu | 2 of wands, page of wands rx, the lovers rx

the energy is similar to what i saw in the past; basically they're tired to continue the lawsuit and really want to stop it but unfortunately, they cannot. they still haven't made an important choice that can turn the things for either the worst or for ... worse. honestly i doubt they'll do the worse choise (which can be the better choice but it will be still worse) therefore they'll choose an option 3 where they'll be "in the middle" but in reality they will lowkey choose the worst option possible. with the reversed lovers i can still see soumu shutting down in the future but nonetheless will make mhj winner in this lawsuit.

i remember you mentioning that you see mhj coming out of this on top and there was some new information that came out today that kinda supports that her team might have hybe on the hooks, at least in one aspect? HYBE was requesting that the court documents not be released to the public but the request was denied. HYBE were saying it was bc trade secrets would be released but Korean lawyers who were weighing in said that it’s more likely having to do with hybe using her private messages in their case lending itself to mhj making a case for business infringement?

9 of swords rx, 2 of pentacles, the devil rx, 5 of swords rx, the hermit

honestly, it's kind of complex to me, i don't see how certain it'll turn out in the end. there's the weak light at the end of this tunnel, i see that the lawyers from each side are working on the whole situation and they're .. pretty much trying their best (as independent as possible, i mean). the hermit sort of lead me into the thought that the outcome is yet to be seen?

like all the times i've seen with this "battle" i still see that it'll be on mhj's side but this time i really don't want to sound biased as hell and type sth like "i'm sure that hybe will still lose whatever they'll do" and be extremely repetitive so.. yeah

will mhj pursue other companies under hybe like source and belift lead to anything? If so what exactly would it lead to?

the devil rx, 4 of swords, 8 of swords rx, 7 of cups

i kinda doubt she'll pursue other subsidiaries for reasons that are different from what's known about, but if they blame her for no reason, then she'll do what she has to. as of now no.

will any bp member be able to break into the mainstream as a solo act with rememberable success? | orig. different wordplay

knight of swords, 3 of swords rx, 3 of wands, 9 of cups

yeah but i can see the chance of it happening after some time. since i asked generally and not for each girl, possibly 1 of them might be successful in the mainstream pop industry, because of the knight of swords i lowkey bet on rosé.

2nd September 2024

can you do a career reading for Zhang Hao? he seems to be not given opportunities by his company and wonders why. will he have any new activities or will be in the dungeon?

death, 6 of wands, 7 of swords

basically great things, probably in personal career matters though. there's chance for wakeone to engage him in individual gig, so he has to be flexible in one way or another.. and try to not be stubborn because i can see stubborness🥲

can you do a reading for Zhang Hao and his future career opportunities?

career opponturities | 4 of pentacles rx, 10 of swords, 9 of swords rx

considering the upright 10 of swords, the energy here is very similar to sunoo not wanting solo gigs (this is what i'm feeling intuitively).

when it comes to the spread itself, the financial instability is here, possibly from wakeone's side, and it makes the company actually suffer, because he seems to be wanted at least here and there. there's repeated sentence on my mind that hao might say to wakeone from time to time: "why you don't acknoweledge that i am a group member and not soloist?", therefore if hao is mistreated where i am unsure if it's seen here or not is because of hao's heart (i really feel his soul SCREAMING IT) or to wakeone's staff stubborness. unless wakeone understands that and also hao acknoweledges what wakeone thinks, he will have little to no solo gigs.

wakeone's treatment towards hao | 4 of pentacles rx, the devil rx, 9 of cups

basically wakeone isn't mistreating him but rather they let him do whatever he wants. hao seems to be very respectful towards w1's staff and they love him. they appreciate how he's considerate of everyone and that's why he's pretty much free under wakeone.

so yeah, very similar vibe with sunoo and belift. very similar.

is there any people outside of HYBE who are eyeing Heeseung?.. also how is taehyun and heeseung's friendship rn 😭

any people who watch heeseung? | king of wands, justice, 5 of pentalces rx

no. if there were any, they were there in the past where hybe wasn't established in the way they're today and there was actual hype for enhypen's future. before there were people who were interested in him in 1 way or another but since the interest now is non-existent, the only reason of that happening is belift as they just rejected offer after offer (after offer...)

therefore i don't sense much of his industry's awareness of heeseung's abilities. they're like "uh... i guess??" and nothing else.

koreans haven't closed the door for him though, so if belift wants solo gigs to pop up, they'll have to let their artists to work their asses off.

taehyun+heeseung's bond | 2 of wands, ace of swords, 3 of cups

they're at least good friends and communicate well. they're trying to have good bond between each other and are trying to respect their boundaries between each other (one of them might've been clingy before). despite that, there might be competition between 2 of them no matter if it's behind the scenes for solo gigs or for someone from the higher-ups' attention? whether if it's ongoing or happened in the past, both of them are still aware of that at some point they have no choice but to act in front of some bosses like they don't like each other.

i heard that mhj and hybe is going on another legal battle cuz of the ceo situation, do you see mhj winning and getting back her position?

ace of cups, the hanged man, 4 of swords, strength, 5 of cups rx, the devil • the emperor

with a sentence, yes but not now.

with a paragraph, whatever min heejin said (that hybe removed her as ceo illegally) is true, the schemes are done way back from where park jiwon was the ceo of hybe. the new ceo isn't allegedly involved at all in this situation.

the hanged man and 4 of swords might be that vacation i saw months back. honestly, min heejin needs that, so she .. deeply inside isn't complaining much, from what i sense she really needs to rest for a bit. however, my thoughts in the previous sentence isn't the answer here. the chances of her returning are high, especially when she really likes her job in ador (whatever she was doing until now) and it made her feel positive and great, but it will be postponed for a few months (5?). eventually, behind the scenes i can see a trio (possibly she'll be with the new ceo of ador and the new ceo of hybe) where they'll try their best to stop the schemes bang sihyuk's doing to stop min heejin.

so yeah, overall yes but not now.

3rd September 2024

will HYBELAFG (HYBE’s Latin America future group?) be successful?

strength, 10 of wands, 5 of swords rx

similar to katseye, they'll gain fans slowly but steady. compared to the girls though, i don't see these boys succeeding in their industry (or in the american, depending on their releases' language) but rather they'll do well in the well-known to them k-pop fandom.

what about smngg and smnbg being successful in korea and outside? how many members you see on each lineup and the concepts for each one?

[SMNGG]

according to my pendulum, they're 6. na haeun allegedly left around the middle days of august because when i checked in the early august, they were still 8. another trainee has also left who was apart of the lineup. haeun was in the lineup but she allegedly left willingly.

korea | 8 of wands rx, 3 of pentacles rx, 5 of wands

since na haeun's depart, they won't do that good from the start and that pretty much sets the group to.. more or less, failure. i am unsure if they should scrap the idea altogether or delay them for a few years

outside of korea | 2 of pentacles rx, the moon, 2 of cups rx

also uncertain, very disbalanced energy, it seems that the other trainee who left might've had the potential to been popular internationally and since she left it's eek too.

concept | 6 of swords, 8 of cups, 4 of pentacles

haven't decided, it's either postponed to be decided or it's on the works slowly but steady.

[SMNBG]

according to my pendulum, they aim for 4-member one. maybe very vocal-based one?

korea | 2 of swords rx, 10 of wands rx, 5 of swords rx

similar to how riize started. k-netz might have hard time to accept them because of what happened with nct so far.

outside of korea | the sun, ace of cups, queen of pentacles

way more successful, many sales, many fans..

concept | 7 of swords rx, 10 of cups, 10 of swords rx

similar to day6 and got7's releases. they'll have creative freedom in my opinion, even if it's small part of that.

nwjns seems to be quiet. there hasn’t been any updates about them and from them, are they quiet bcs the company makes them or is it their own decision?

the ask was asked on 1st september, danielle updated on the day i answered

3 of swords rx, temperance, the star

both the nwjns girls and ador decided it'd be for the best if they update more rarely these days, so both answers.

will BLACKPINK try in the western industry?

jisoo | king of pentacles, 8 of swords rx

jennie | 3 of pentacles, 5 of wands rx

rosé | king of cups, 9 of pentacles

lisa | the sun, 10 of pentacles

well, the knight of swords could actually be lisa.. she usually appears in the wands suit..

jisoo | i actually doubt if she wants to try in the western industry at all, it might not bring enough profits. king of pentacles might be someone from her family who's under her company, possibly brother/cousin, he seems to be young

jennie | depends on her teamwork with her company, she has to make A LOT compromises (personal-related ones) to be even the tiniest bit of being impactful there

rosé | she seems to love to try it, she'll thrive in the best way possible, she also seems to have a lot of freedom (not only creative one)

lisa | if she's doing her current path without making breaks, she'll also be unstoppable and thrive. however, unlike rosé, she's doing it for the check. despite the sun being here before the 10 of pentacles (compared to the 9 of pentacles, 10 of pentacles is way more influenced of the profit and earnings), lisa should be persistent in the future with what she's doing, this includes her upcoming releases whenever they'll be. if she wants to continue like now, her future is bright.

can you see about the future of x? will another similar app manage to surpass x?

king of cups, 6 of pentacles, 3 of cups, 4 of cups, knight of wands

currently musk's team is occupied with what happened between them and brazil's government, they're trying to solve the issue the brazil government made. according to my pendulum, there will be app that can be used as frequent as x but it will be in the far future and the app whoever it is won't succeed to surpass.

i'd like to ask about Jisoo's acting career. while I don’t think she'd like to move out SK nor want to stay away from korean film industry, I’d like to know if she has chances to make it big in the west as an actress (like in a well-known series as Pachinko or korean-based movies as Parasite/Train to Busan).

2 of cups, page of pentacles rx, the hanged man rx

the chances are there. how big are they though i cannot see yet because they'll become bigger with the time.

minji wrote “don’t be blue 🩵” in her phoning bio and then she deleted it after a few hours. did someone from the higher ups asked her to delete it or was it herself?

page of cups, the world, the tower

possibly someone from the higherups in ador. they thought it doesn't makes sense to type it to tokkis.

nana is finally leaving pledis after 15 years, is it bcs she wants to do better in actress industry or something happened in pledis that will be unbeneficial for her contract-wise?

page of swords, the empress, knight of pentacles, 5 of swords rx, 3 of wands rx

when the talks came around, hybe offered contract (which was separate from the one with pledis) that nana disagreed with. she's not against her former company, she just disagreed with what hybe offered to her.

are HYBE zionists? like obviously they're making deals with brands that supports israel , but do they just not gaf about who they make a deal with as long as they get money, or do they intentionally choose to collab with these brands cuz... they actively do so. do they also give a portion of their profits to Israel?

5 of swords rx, the empress, 8 of cups, the magician, 7 of pentacles

the corporation isn't zionist in a way, they don't support the ongoing situation (as it's genocide towards another nation) too.

the truth allegedly is that these brands, whoever are they, have tried to make them switch towards the west politically, this means to support usa, eu, nato, ukraine.. and israel. apart from the brands in questions, i see especially 🛴🟤 in a way where he tried to influence the corporation itself. it didn't work. moreover, i'd say that hybe do have zionist people, and all of them seem to be in hybe america. they have allegedly a separate contract TO NOT FUND ISRAEL, and i see they're actually complying with it.

so no. the corporation isn't zionist, incl. hybe america. however hybe america DO HAVE people who are zionists where they have signed (allegedly) separate contract to not fund israel (and possibly other ongoing conflicts). the zionist brands on the other hand had also tried to make hybe fund israel in one way or another but hybe rejected these brands' demands.

i was hoping that nwjns would win in the future since its obvious that they’re the victim in this situation even tho they’re innocent. but are the things hybe said about mhj is true at least? if ador is winning, that kinda means that they are telling the truth this whole time so it made me wonder if the thing that hybe said about mhj is true or false. and have you done a reading on when this thing will end?

from previous readings, hybe lied about everything and if there were any truths, they're like 1%, at least according to what i saw so far.

8♥️, king♦️ (sihyuk?), ace♥️, 7♦️, 6♥️, 8♠️

it seems to end this year. usually the diamonds suit shows the fastest timeframe (in this case, days) while cups (here months) and spades (here years) are slower. mathematically (i don't count the king here) it rounds up to 2 years, however since the previous cards are with way faster timeframe, i doubt it'll end in 1 year or so (because there are 2 eights so august can be possible interpretation but i doubt it) but rather i'd bet this time on 3-4 months. in the past i said up to 3 months but they've already passed. the king can show that the situation's future depends on sihyuk's mood swings in a way, last time i saw min heejin but she isn't here this time, so😐

[thebroccolination]

KRISTSINGTO ATTENDING INSIDE OUT 2 — KRIST IDENTIFYING WITH ANXIETY

Today, KristSingto attended the premiere of Pixar’s “Inside Out 2,” which introduces some new emotions for Riley.

Afterward, Krist told fans he identified a lot with Anxiety, and that his scenes reflected how he felt before their comeback concert last week. He’s spoken before about attending therapy and managing his mental health issues in the past, but I think this is the first time he’s explicitly used the term “anxiety” as a feeling he relates to.

It’s honestly not a surprise, though; if you hang out in his fandom long enough, you’ll see how much he struggles with saying no to people, or displeasing anyone. That’s why his clapback at the fan who tried to make him choose between Gawin and Singto was such a shock and relief to so many of us.

[I love how happy this looks. It’s very relatable. “OH, THE THING THAT FUCKS ME UP IN MY BRAIN HAS A NAME!”]

At the crane game in front of the theater, he also won himself and Singto li’l plushies. EDIT: He got Envy for Singto, but Singto said he relates most to Sadness. In my friend’s words: “When they asked him why, he was like, ‘Humans…’ and then a long pause.”

Last year, Krist attended the Pixar movie “Elemental” with Gawin, and that inspired the whole theme of his solo concert, so I think it’s safe to say he took something to reflect on this time, too. ♡

BONUS: Manager Yui fixing Kit’s hair. Honestly I can’t believe I watched him bouncing up and down to celebrate winning an Anxiety plush. Cuteness aggression is off the charts, man.

[redo-of-chii]

💌 𝕮𝖍𝖎𝖎’𝖘 𝕸𝖆𝖓𝖎𝖋𝖊𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖙𝖎𝖔𝖓 𝕯𝖎𝖆𝖗𝖞 | 𝐄𝐧𝐭𝐫𝐲 #𝟎𝟑

Dear diary & manifestors,

Even though the 3 days of the ¨3DOLC x ROE Challenge¨ have passed, I didn't stop affirming because it has become a habit already. I admit it is really difficult to remember to affirm every hour even with several apps because of ADHD and the things I have to do like work and housework. Plus this last week has been special because I spent it with my SP so every day has been wonderful.

Still, I have started to see movement and that's something that really made me happy. As a reminder, I'm currently manifesting my dream life (which is money, success, living comfortably, desired appearance, being spoiled by life and living with my SP since we are currently in a LDR), so movement in something like this has felt like a blessing.

Suddenly, people I haven´t worked with in a while have began contacting me. Person #1 gave me an offer with good pay but very bad terms, so I refused it but still they sided with me when it came to the terms of the offer and told me that they'll find a better offer and contact me ASAP because of how professional I am. I don't want to sell myself short but also I didn't want to accept anything that didn't align with both my values and my manifestation. Person #2 was someone I haven't spoken in years but mostly because they were having severe medical issues due to COVID and were on health leave for the longest time even if they were really beloved and people relied on them. They suddenly announced their comeback and returned in a higher position at their job (which happens to be one of my dream worplaces) and went straight to me to ask me to work together. I told them my situation and they told me that they would study a way for us to work together and benefit in ways we are both comfortable with.

I'm shocked because I didn't talk to them in quite a while and they reappeared like this. Manifestation DOES work and will accept these opportunities yet NOT accept if they don't align with my values and desires. I learned to appreciate myself through the law and I know that the law can give me more.

I must not conform with whatever I'm given, the law MUST COMFORM to what I desire fully after all.

I'll keep everyone informed with my progress!

Meanwhile, I'll think how to improve my mental diet and return to listening to subliminals while SP is at work. I'll also think about doing a digital exorcism as part of my mental diet besides some wellness. I might make a post about either mental diet or digital exorcism as soon as I have some time.

∘•···············•∘ʚ ♡ ɞ∘•················•∘

꒰ Always & Forever — Chii ꒱

[azzibuckets]

For last anon,

Once ur going through ur acl recovery its not only to get ur acl bck in good health but also to do certain workouts to prevent re injury. Which is what Azzi most likely does. It’s to make the muscles around the acl stronger. Acl recovery and then getting cleared to play doesn’t mean it won’t retear again ur knee will most likely never be the same. Yes I think Azzi is in her 9 month so she’s a on a good track and will almost be at that 1 yr mark once the 1st game starts. Which is a BETTER thing the longer ur in recovery the least ur at risk if that makes sense. Azzi prob does alot of basketball acl recovery drills to help her get her knee better. On top of that she’s most likely focusing on workouts to help support that acl for example her quads. If that makes sense.i played volleyball for 7 yrs and tore my acl 2times and I still play and haven’t had an issue yet but I am always at a risk. Every athlete has different recovery timelines Azzi is on track for hers so things are going well. We have seen she’s slowly but surely getting to her workouts she’s running a bit , shooting and jumping so that’s great progress. Hardest part about acl recovery isn’t the recovery itself but more mental.

P.s a lot of athletes go through injuries and ALOT have great comebacks Azzi will too 💯💯

thanks for this perspective!! acl tears are no joke and i think people forget the emotional damage it can do to a person

[gingerylangylang1979]

Male identity: Carmy and Richie

I’m finding that a certain demographic of fans have a much harder time relating to Carmy but very much relate to Richie. Granted, a lot of this has to do with what fandom platform you observe. I actually kind of hate The Bear subreddit but continue to browse it periodically because it’s super interesting to hear what “the others” are talking about. I rarely engage anymore because it’s mostly nonsense and a totally different vibe than Tumblr. The contingent is definitely very anti-Carmy x Sydney and seems to hate Sydney. I’ve also noticed that while there is a lot of love for Carmy there is even more love for Richie. I’m very intrigued by this perspective. 

This season Richie was definitely a standout. I think Ebon is an amazing actor and am glad he is finally getting nominated for his role. I thought he got robbed with the non-Emmy nominations. But even before S2 I noticed that Richie was the most favored character among the Reddit demo and perhaps a big part of the general audience. That’s fine, people can favor who they like. I know that doesn’t represent everyone but I do think that speaks for what I consider general audience and makes sense considering how society still views manhood despite social progress. This season even a lot of the reviews were kind of meh about Carmy. I get it, I initially was writing him off too, was pissed, and thought he had the worst arc. Then once thoughts settled he went back to being my hero. Deeply flawed, but I just relate to him so much and he’s fascinating to watch. I’m a woman, so maybe that helps my empathy. I also don’t think The Bear would work with Richie as the lead as some have suggested. 

The thing is Carmy is a more difficult character because he has multiple layers of trauma, his work is so specialized and niche, he is a sensitive soul, he’s artistic, and he doesn’t fit the mold of the working class male models he was surrounded by. Your typical man can’t relate to him. And most likely your typical conservative leaning woman can’t either. At the Christmas party he was appalled at how the other guys were talking about Claire. And this is a woman he had a crush on and is present day attracted to. He could have easily been superficial and macho and laughed at the jokes as expected. He didn’t let Richie get away with calling Syd sweetheart. Richie says he’s “woke”. He employs a woman in a leadership role. He’s built different. 

He is struggling in many ways that are hidden and he also lashes out. The hidden ways and the lashing out are interpreted as whiny and annoying by people that can’t relate. He’s been cited as not growing but people can’t acknowledge that his healing won’t be linear. But how can it be when his trauma was collected in overlapping seasons for most of his life? The pain didn’t develop in a linear path. He had a stutter when he was young. There are hints that there is a learning issue of some sort (I’m not going to try and diagnose). He was always the “different” one in the family. The other guys call him “weird”. His father was absent. His mom has mental health issues and is an alcoholic. He witnessed the traumatic incident at Christmas and I’m sure it wasn’t the only such incident. His brother was an addict that pushed him away, then killed himself. He went into a chaotic, highly demanding field that required him to isolate to excel. He is shy and has trouble forming close bonds. He had a mentally abusive boss. He was always super competitive. He comes back to own The Beef and it’s problem after problem. How are people expecting him to be “fun” and have an easy comeback like Richie? 

Richie has issues, too. Stagnant in mid-life, spent years devoted to an addict, failed marriage, feeling disillusioned and displaced, also an absent father. But when we meet Richie he’s not as wounded as Carmy. Carmy is literally sleep cooking, almost starting fires, dissociating, having panic attacks. Richie is sad but it mostly manifests as him being kind of nasty and grumpy. He’s like a sour old man with dated and offensive jokes. His behavior is dismissed because he’s grieving. Which yes, he deserves a pass. But why does he deserve a bigger pass than Carmy who is dealing with so much more or Sydney who seemed to bear the biggest brunt of his outrage and was also struggling? Carmy is literally on the verge of a breakdown and has the weight of trying to keep the staff, the business, and himself afloat. Despite all this Richie gets a lot of indulgences for his bad behavior that Carmy isn’t. 

Richie is easier for a lot of people to digest because he’s funny, he’s the working class representative, he’s tall (yes people have height bias, especially with men). Carmy is viewed as the pompous prodigal son that’s trying to ruin Richie’s delicate ecosystem by gentrifying and kicking out “the working man”. There are people posting in disgust that he dare change The Beef despite it being a hell hole money pit. 

It’s just so interesting that in reality we are dealing with an unprecedented numbers of men who report extreme loneliness, depression, hopelessness. Richie and Carmy both fit that profile. Yet, a man like Richie is broadly understood and accepted and a man like Carmy isn’t. It goes back IMO to the continual coding of masculine/good vs feminine/bad. Richie is the stereotypical red blooded American male. He wants the stripper’s panties. He has a gun. He needs to be alpha. He views anything outside the norm as a threat. He wants to preserve tradition at all costs. Carmy is his foil. Carmy is viewed as feminine. 

I see it even on Tumblr with the persistent identification of Carmy as somehow feminine. Like he can’t be soft and traumatized and just be a man. So what does that say when even people who would probably consider themselves progressive still classify a man in feminine terms if he isn’t a MAN? We accept all types of gender identities but still struggle with a man not fitting the correct paradigm. Society still has issues accepting that men can be vulnerable and struggling without being feminized. People also make assumptions about Carmy’s gender identity and sexuality based on his trauma. Like, of course he has to be XYZ because well, look at him, he’s sad an pathetic. What does that say about men’s sexuality and identity? Are only queer men accepted as sad? Carmy could be a queer character, cool, representation matters. But I just find the semi-automatic equation of queerness with an atypical male to be odd and a bit regressive. 

Edited to add on above: I hope what I’m saying doesn’t get interpreted as dismissing queer people who identify with Carmy. I get it, I support it. What I’m speaking to is the insistence that canon Carmy is queer because of his interests, aesthetic, and mental health as if that is the only identity option. Granted, he could be bi. I also think some people are insistent on this, just as they are on Syd not being into men, as a way to negate the possibility of them being romantic. Again, I’m saying some people. Also, proximity and shared struggle doesn’t equal identity. This makes me think of once when a white gay male bestie claimed we are the same because I’m a black women. I had to kindly correct. We share the same haters, we are both marginalized, but he will never know my experience just like I will never know his. We can bond on the commonalities but we aren’t exactly the same. IMO, it would be a disservice to both of us to claim different.

I’m really rambling, but just thought I would share my thoughts and open a conversation about this. 

[tardigradetv]

(This post is gonna be edited in the future because I haven't finished it yet! I want to add some stuff, but I'm too tired to do it now. Sorry if things are cringe here. Please don't judge!)

Since I got tagged by @thedragonofbadasstemple , I'm gonna share 9 games I got into in 2024! I actually didn't watch many shows/movies last year because that year was a "worker's year", I'd say. I was busy most of the time and when I had free time, I'd rather go outside or do something, like creating or playing games (or studying 🙈) (yes, I think it can be fun studying for a few hours a day 😂). That means I barely had any days I'd just... do nothing. 😭 Yeah, on those few days when I actually just lay in bed, I watched documentaries (and I can't remember titles, so Idk how to share in this case 🤦‍♂️).

Some games are "childhood comebacks". (Games I've known since childhood but lost interest in them and got into them again years later)

I try to be as chronological as possible, but just keep in mind that my memory is such a mess. 😭 So I guess everything worth mentioning was said for now. Let's dive in!

Early beginning of the year:

1 - That's not my neighbor

Last year started with my "Fran Bow comeback". What I mean is that I watch analysis videos and think my part on the whole thing (that doesn't cover how the stuff I do look like, but whatever... I write stuff about it... It's called by that game's name because that game got me into analysis videos about anything regarding gaming or artists' works. So I started looking for other people's thoughts on things, too, instead of only interpreting things on my own) At the same time, I was looking for more games/franchises to think about (and writing analysis). Somehow, I stumbled upon That's Not My Neighbor through YouTube videos on my feed (so yeah... you could say the YouTube algorithm got me into the game lol). The concept/the idea behind the game inspired me to write and do my research on topics relating to the game. What I can say about the gameplay is that it's simple yet effective. It's the ultimate "find the difference" game with an interesting lore behind it. I haven't checked if there came any new updates out regarding gameplay or game modes lately, so it can be that I'm talking crap now. 🤡 Well, let's actually get what I want to tell... To keep it short, the game has a lot of potential, even with its few content gameplay-wise. I imagine that they could add a longer story mode where they provide a better insight into the lore.

Spring 2024:

2 - Needy Streamer Overload

Around the time when it was my old "friend's" birthday, I heard from this game for the first time. It seemed interesting to me, so I looked deeper into it. And no surprise, the game has caught my interest since then. The game's art style inspired me to try new things in my art, and the deeper meaning behind specific features/hints is thought-provoking, exactly what I like. Though I don't relate much to Ame, the protagonist, I really liked how much I could analyze and theorize in her story. So many connections make sense and indirectly told me to do some research about mental health topics I wasn't really educated on. Overall, the iconic character Ame taught me bits of wisdom I carry on my journey of life. Yeah, the game was an experience. My my, I couldn't process my early times of getting into this game back then. 🙈 It was a little bit too much for me at first, but after a few months, I could enjoy the game without any further issues.

3 - My Child: Lebensborn

OMG, as a German... 😭 Well, that game hit hard... But I love that there's a game that touches that dark, historical period from an insiders perspective. (Gonna write more about this later)

Summer 2024:

4 - D4DJ

When I installed the Hypmic ARB in February 2023, I got into rhythm games for the first time. Yes, I've never played any rhythm games before, so Hypmic ARB gets the title "my first rhythm game". Since then, I've started liking rhythm games as a genre. In summer 2024, I spent time with a "friend" (who isn't my friend anymore, sadly), a rhythm game enthusiast, especially when it comes to rhythm games for consoles. When I asked them which mobile rhythm games I could try, they gave me D4DJ as a recommendation. I played it for a few months, but one day... it just didn't work on my phone anymore. I couldn't get through the title, and I couldn't even save my account, which meant I had to say goodbye to the game... Yes, I could've started from the beginning again, but as I've experienced before, most games don't even work on my phone once such issues start to occur (I had this with Project Sekai). But in the end, I don't have anything on my phone anymore that could remind me of my old "friend", so I see it as a plus to some degree... 😭 Now, to my feedback! The game has an innovative system that made my gameplay experience really enjoyable. The different notes while playing a show made me think really quickly how to calculate where I should position my fingers. I also like how the game uses the screen you play on. It's important to have your whole screen in view to know how to hit some notes. (That makes the decorative feature of designing your stage so cool imo). The game also has Touhou songs that I enjoy, so I often played these (along with internet yamero). What I certainly like in the game is that... I could actually feel rewarded for just playing. To be more clear, you can get diamonds (or whatever they're called again, I forgot 😭) by just playing a song for a specific number of times. If my phone just worked... Yeah, but something that really bothered me is that... I easily got overstimulated from playing this game. The game is fun, but it won't once I get overstimulated...

5 - Snake Pass (childhood comeback)

This game is peak childhood! And the soundtrack 😭 I love it so much! I can't think of any other games where you play a snake with a humming bird as a helping companion to explore different areas of an in-game world. Also that you can change the facial expressions of Noodle (the snake) is such a nice detail! I spent hours on this game trying to get the 100%. Yes, the controls are a bit... uh, hard to get used to at first, but once you do, you have lots of fun solving puzzles. Since David Wise is the composer of the soundtrack, you could expect that there are gonna be bangers. (I mean, think of Donkey Kong...) I remember how I used to listen to the soundtrack for HOURS when I first discovered this game years ago! 😭🫶 It's also one of those games where I just enjoy playing without trying so hard to master it immediately. Sometimes, I take a look at all those details I can find... and I love every single one of them. For example, Noodle is a coral snake, an extremely dangerous snake. And as far as I know, coral snake venom contains neurotoxins that can lead to paralysis and death. So I think you can guess why the small crabs you can find in the game flee when they see Noodle... (kinda funny to think about when you compare that to the game's innocent appearance.)

Fall 2024:

6 - Team Fortress 2 (childhood comeback)

It's a classic. I think many people have at least heard of it through memes. I've been into this game since childhood (but other, new interests gained higher priority, so I kinda forgot about this franchise). Back then, I had a proper device to play it, ah... 😭 Well, before my recent computer died, I had the opportunity to play Team Fortress 2 again. What a wonderful experience it was! There's so much about this game that I've forgotten in the time I didn't touch it that it felt like a complete new experience. Oh, and reading all the chapters of the comic again... (including the recently published one) It brought tears into my eyes. Compared to other games of the same genre, TF2 isn't as competitive as some others. I used that as an opportunity to have fun and just enjoy the game! Especially the casual experience can be so chaotically fun, which gives the game its unique charm. I don't think there's any other game that has the same charm as TF2, so if you like ego shooters where you can be goofy and laugh your ass of in voice chats, this one is for you! Besides, the characters are *chef's kiss*, and the game can be counted as a cultural phenomenon. I mean, when voicelines become memes that reach countless people (probably outside the fandom), then this game is an internet milestone.

7 - Sally Face (childhood comeback)

Winter 2024:

With my old Fran Bow fixation, of course, I'm gonna find this game sooner or later. I can say that I don't regret finding out about this game at all! The art style, animation style, and lore captivated me. And not to forget, the soundtrack... I still listen to sometimes. I first discovered it a few years ago when I wanted to play something different. As you probably know from my introduction, I'm a Nintendo fan who plays mostly their games, but I touch other games from time to time, too. One of the first games I started getting into besides the Nintendo ones was Fran Bow, to be honest. And I mean by "getting into" that I CONSUMED the game's content like crazy.😭 (That's why this game has a connection to some others I've mentioned here). Well, back to Sally Face. Sal Fisher, the protagonist himself, is such an icon. I really grew fond of him from the early beginning. His personality and his background touched my heart, so it was no surprise that I'd feel devastated after finishing the story. What I really appreciate about this game is the atmosphere. Besides the lore (which I was deeply invested in when I first found out about the game), the atmosphere of the game makes you lean back and think about what is happening while you play. You slow down for a moment to investigate a certain spot to find more information. You might put your device beside to take a moment to process what just happened. Truly breathtaking. The further you get in the game, the more you feel like you're losing yourself in the scenario. It's an unforgettable experience with moments that can you almost make you cry. The strange art style highlights this uncomfortable atmosphere even more. After Sally Face has become a significant part of my childhood, I can say that this game touches many topics that are worth discussing. I could endlessly ramble on any character's specific traits, their background, and context to the story (if I actually could share my thoughts properly 🙈). Exploring the depth of this game back then was an important part of "getting used to thinking". And now, having found my way to this game again feels like I time traveled back to the time I was younger, a time when my life looked so different. To look back and say goodbye to those times, I'd imagine visiting my younger self and just telling that boy how grateful I am he kept going. Thanks to my determined younger self, I could grow into the person I am today. May Sally Face stay a wonderful memory...

8 - Yume Nikki

The strange game that made me reconsider all my thought patterns and my life in general. I have to admit, strange things always captivate me, so it's no surprise I got into it so quickly. The soundtrack captures the feeling of endless isolation so well... ah, I know that feeling. Listening to it gives me comfort. The reason why I feel like this is... sad. Well, how should I say it? I... grew up in social isolation, you could say... My childhood wasn't the worst... but it is the foundation of a person's personality, so... Oh- that's not the topic I should talk about right now...

9 - Everything (the game)

Somehow, I've never heard of this game before someone mentioned it not so long ago. It's exactly my taste! I'm sad I didn't discover it sooner! Games with great wisdom behind it always have a sweet spot in my heart. (Gonna continue later)

[miraculouslbcnreactions]

[Text: Tell me, what do you think of people actually liking the character development in season 4-5 and the show's treatment of mental health? [Redacted] thinks that and she's the mother of a teenager]

Re liking the show: I generally assume that they have poor taste and/or media literacy.

Re the mental health rep: I generally assume that they're incredibly privileged and/or ignorant.

I'm posting this as an image and not an ask response specifically because I will not participate in fandom drama or shaming. This blog exists specifically so that people can actively choose to engage in my content and so that I can post critical thoughts without dragging their source into some petty fight. So I'm not going to talk about the named individual. Instead, I'll replace them with the show's head writer and talk about him in a similar context.*

He's pretty famously denied that Chloe suffered any abuse, ignoring her obvious neglect, which came from both parents, just in different forms. When you pair that with how the show handles people like Gabe and Jagged Stone, we see a clear pattern of the show ignoring the devastating effects that abandonment and neglect can have on a person, especially if they're a child.

Now you could look at that and say, "The head writer condones abuse! He's a monster!" But I prefer to go the more likely route and assume that he's a privileged middle-class cis white man who has never had to deal with those issues or support someone who has, so he has no idea how to handle them properly or that they even need to be properly handled. There's every chance that he's a loving, kind man and a fantastic father who just happens to not be very good at writing a complex topic that he clearly has no understanding of or desire to learn about. I apply similar logic to fans who share his opinions. Never attribute to malice what can be explained by incompetence or ignorance.

And all of the above is assuming that we're talking about someone who thinks that the show is objectively good or that the mental health rep is good, which are big assumptions. It's fully possible to enjoy a piece of media that you know is objectively bad or even "problematic" in some way.

Personal confession time: is Loonatics Unleashed an objectively terrible show that you should never, ever watch? Absolutely. 100%. Are Rev Runner and Tech E. Coyote two of my favorite characters who will live rent free in my head until the day I die? Yep! I pulled up a YouTube highlight real as I was writing this and those dorks still make me smile even though the show is terrible on multiple levels and I know that I'm not alone in that sentiment. Those two clicked with a lot of people for some reason.

A piece of fiction need not be good for you to love it and you don't need to justify your love for a piece of fiction if you're not claiming that it's good. Similarly, people hating that piece of fiction or pointing out flaws in it is not a reflection on you in any way shape or form. You can even agree with their criticism and still love the piece of fiction. This approach to media - loving a thing in spite of its flaws - is normal and healthy and I'd really love to see it make a comeback in younger fandoms.

Like, I cannot emphasize this enough, most fandoms consider it perfectly normal to have lots of fans who are critical of the source or who have even lost interest in the source for one reason or another, but they still like some element of the source enough to want to create/consume fan content for it. These more critical fans arguably make some of the best fan content because looking at canon and saying "That's nice, let me show you how I'd do it" often leads to some of the most complex stories that you'll see in fandom spaces. Stories that can often blow canon out of the water for TV shows and movies since fanfic isn't limited by budgets or studio policies or marketability concerns. Fans who think that the source is perfect tend to just write fluff or romcom type fics, which is not a dig! I love bother of those genres! But woman does not live on fluff alone.

Obviously there's some complexity here because who decides if a show is bad? Saying "it's okay that you like a terrible thing" can certainly sound like an insult and prompt a feeling of needing to defend the thing, which is why I don't fight with fans who like the show. There's really no need to convince them that the thing they like is bad. Do I think it is? Yes. Does it matter if they disagree? No, not really. At worst, they create stories with similar issues and, well, they're not the only ones and fighting with them isn't going to stop them. You're much better off focusing on creating your own good media and trying to get that popular. Heck, even if you made the head writer see all of Miracuous' flaws, it wouldn't change anything. The show is already made.

So, yeah, I don't really assume anything bad about people who think that miraculous is good. I know lots of wonderful people who have terrible taste in media and I'm still friends with them. I just don't take recommendations from them.

It's important to remember that, when you're online in a fandom space, a person is condensed down to a very tiny snapshot of who they are and judging a person solely off of their thoughts regarding a poorly written kids show is a dangerous path to tread. Like, looking at this blog, you might assume that I spend all of my time thinking about miraculous and obsessing over its flaws, which is very much not the case. I actually have this blog specifically so that I don't obsess over miraculous' flaws because I've found that, when something is bothering me, writing it down or talking to someone about it is the best way to stop thinking about it. Even then, most of my posts are reblogs of stuff I come across while browsing my tumblr feed, which is not solely miraculous content. I mostly interact with the show by creating non-salty fanfic that I honestly enjoy writing and find to be a relaxing, positive outlet.

It's human nature to judge and it's totally normal to think that a person's an idiot because of something they post online, but be careful to not lean into those thoughts too hard. At the end of the day, Miraculous is just a stupid kids show that will fade from the popular consciousness a few years after it stops airing. If it and/or the fandom are negatively affecting your mental health, then it's okay to step away for a while or use the block button. It really is your best friend. I enjoy being critical about Miraculous specifically because it's not that important. While I do think that kids deserve better media, I don't think Miraculous is some terrible evil harming the youth. I'm not horrified when a kid watches it, it's just not a show that I'd encourage them to watch and, if the kids was close to me, we'd spend a lot of time talking about the bad things that the show showcases from time to time. There are lots of episodes that are fine and I can think of way worse kids shows. Shows that tell their horrifying morals really well, making a kid far more likely to pick up on them and internalize them.

*Note that I only feel comfortable talking about the head writer like this because he's a public figure with an active social media presence AND because I'm not @ing him. If he was a private person or if he was not a professional creator, then I would not talk about him like this and even in that context I try to avoid it whenever I can. You can think that he's a terrible writer, but he's still a human being and, as far as I'm aware, nothing he's done deserves people harassing him.

I absolutely understand how devastating it can be to see a story you love get ruined by the creative team. The first time that happened to me, the life lesson I came away with was, "I will no longer put my happiness in the hands of another creator. I will enjoy stories, but I will temper my expectations and remember that they're just another human being and it's completely possible that their vision for this seemingly awesome story may end up being terrible."

[lasi-nariyoyoreads]

Heyyyyy can you do Joshua ideal type? Thank youuuu

Joshua's ideal type

Disclaimer:

My readings are made for fun and you should read them for fun too. So don't take them seriously. 

Cards: curiosity, poverty, limitation

It's banal to say, but his ideal type should be able to pick his interest.

It's possible it isn't easy to catch his attention or he's simply attracted to unusual qualities.

I say unusual because the next two cards, "poverty" and "limitation" seem to point to his preference for normal and simple people, without any quirk.

Maybe because he lives in such a chaotic industry and one day he's in Seoul for a comeback the next in Paris for a fashion week, then again in Tokyo for a concert etc., I think he really needs someone "normal" next to him. With a normal job, a normal life, a normal personality, someone we could consider too bland compared to him.

He might want to live a frugal life outside of his idol schedules and he might want to be sure that the other person is ok with that.

Who knows how many people approach him while thinking they'll have a crazy life together only because he's famous and rich, while he's actually looking for exactly the opposite.

He might enjoy staying at home during his free time, instead of travelling, spending a cozy time and relax, so he wants someone who could match this chill energy.

He might think there's more genuinity in those who lead a simple life compared to those who have complicated jobs, big aspirations and are too attached to money and status.

I think personality wise he also wants someone drama free and without any particular issue.

I'm not too sure about it, but it's possible Joshua has a particular belief or he's religious? In an old reading, I also got this feeling that he's interested in religions or in general in anything spiritual or simply anything regarding to mental health (it might even be stuff like yoga, or those Marie Kondo types of books or whatever helps you find an inner balance), "limitation" makes me think to healthy boundaries, like "I have negative feelings, what do I do? What is the best way to express them without hurting others?", I feel he has a lot of thoughts like this, he wants to work on himself and become a better person.

I think he wants his ideal type to be like that too, someone who doesn't abandon themselves to vices or addictions or unhealthy behaviours, but who tries to check on themselves and work on their mental stability.

[tsykku]

Well, the statement is out and it has been confirmed by Wilbur himself that he was the one that Shelby was talking about.

The statement that he put out did align with what I was thinking that he would say. It has been no secret that he has been a dark mental state for the past year and a half and that he has been working on himself so that this was mentioned came to no surprise.

And while I am glad that he did admit that it was him and that he did not stay silent or deny everything, he is not taking full accountability for how he hurt a person so badly. By not daring to say that his actions were abusive, he is downplaying the situation which leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

The statement was not an apology, it was a PR statement to state his side of view of things which he should be able to share and which I do think was the best move for him. I believe that the only apology he needs to make is to the people that he hurt and manipulated so that the statement was not an apology to his fans etc is not the issue. It is not uncommon that a person with issues and bad mental health does not realise that their actions are abusive in the moment, so that he alludes to that also does not surprise me. I can even believe it to an extent and I am glad that he is working on this with therapy. But, it is way too early to say that he has made great strides as a person.

Especially, the last sentence of his statement of wanting to be held to high standards that he wished to attain and maintain, left me feeling physically sick. The language is so manipulative and he is missing the complete point of why he needs to address this whole situation in the first place.

The biggest issue with the statement and him in general is the lack of accountability and downplaying the situation. The reactions of fellow creators such as Aimsey and Ranboo clearly demonstrate this. Reframing the biting issues, leaving out other harmful actions and only taking taking account for his "slobbish, disrespectful and selfish" state during the time he was dating Shubble.

I think if he had taken full responsibility for his actions and promised to keep working on himself and addressing these issues in the (long) time that he is away, he could have made a comeback eventually with a smaller audience. But coming back from this will be difficult and rightfully so.

At the end of the day, I believe that he is a highly disturbed person with lots of issues. This is not a surprise, as I think many fans of him knew about his mental struggles and how this translated to his music and story telling. It is why a lot of us found comfort in him in the first place. I just never imagined that he would turn that emotional and mental instability to others.

You are not responsible for what you feel but you are responsible for what you do with those emotions. It is never an excuse to harm others. Something that Wilbur clearly has not learned nor has he learned to take full accountability. Please note that this situation is therefore also not an excuse to doxx or send death threats to him or any other creator involved.

Like I have mentioned when the situation came out, I will no longer support him and I will step away from him. Whether you want to do the same is up to you. If you want to stop watching his content, stop supporting/listening to Lovejoy and to what extend or stop watching his close friends and cc's, that is your choice to make. Nobody can accept Wilbur's apology except the people harmed by his actions, and that will certainly not happen any time soon.

If you are going through a hard time, please talk with others about it and my dm's are open.

Send your love to Shelby and support victims. Please take care of yourself.

[ravenkinnie]

📚 (👀)

this is acc a special case because it's almost fully planned out jsjsjsj the tea of it all is that the escort au has two more parts somewhere in my wips that could have happened at some point - one is a bit of a transition one shot so it's not that interesting on its own here but the second would have been a multichapter post-time skip

because this is fully planned out, I can show you what level of insanity we got up to in cws:

cws: psychosis, mental health issues, medical trauma, sex work and whorephobia, silco, prison trauma, discussions of self-harm and suicide, general questionable parenting and dysfunction, internalised ableism and themes of transhumanism, death and illness

the tldr is that if you go back and reread the two parts that do exist you will note that jinx has a scar on her chest, this scar is maybe not obviously but implied a result of a past heart surgery - so yeah a huge catalyst and theme here is medical topics, health care access etc this is somewhat of a jumping point to ofc the family and romance drama that ensues across like 12 chapters with a class difference at the heart of both the romantic and personal character conflicts. my vision is something of a character study/romance/drama with soft sci-fi elements, think something like literary sci-fi like how high we go in the dark or sth

some notable notes:

on top of that I have also stuff outlined like vanco divorce drama, vi causing drama post-prison and fucking across runeterra (you might guess one person, you would not have guessed the other, im on my rarepair shit always), caitlyns relationship with her family and jayce, their brothers are actually characters here which is fun cause they are dead as fuck in every other fic of mine, viktor would have an actual character arc and a strong dynamic with jinx and fun little details I want to play with at some point

also corina was gonna make a comeback because slay queen, I love when exes come back to be messy

Put "📓" or some other version of a book emoji into my inbox and I'll explain the plot of a fanfiction that I haven't written but daydream about.

[wisteria-tarot]

Hii. Can you do a reading on Jeon Somi’s career next year? Like, will she have a comeback? 😭 Also, regarding her beauty brand.

Anyway thanks in advance

Disclaimer: This reading is only for entertainment. Take it with a grain of salt. These are my personal interpretations of the cards with a sprinkle of intuition. Tarot is not set in stone it is not the end all be all of someones life.

What will her 2025 be like?

5 of pentacles (rx), 5 of swords, 10 of swords, 4 of wands:

The year may begin with a positive shift, moving away from feelings of abandonment or lack. But there may be situations where the person feels undermined, or they may need to make difficult choices that come with emotional costs. She might be forced to confront their deepest wounds and come to terms with the past in order to move forward. Her year may close on a positive note, with celebrations, milestones, and a sense of peace or success in personal or professional areas of life.

Will she have a comeback?

2 of swords, the magician, the emperor, 9 of swords:

She might face a difficult decision or be at a crossroads, unsure of how to proceed. She needs to know that she can manifest her goals and make things happen. The key is to use her creativity and confidence to take the necessary steps. She must be disciplined, organized, and assertive in her approach to her comeback, taking charge of her own destiny. Fears may not be as serious as they appear, and they can be overcome with mental clarity and resilience.

Will her beauty brand do well?

king of swords, queen of wands (rx), 7 of swords, king of pentacles (rx):

The beauty brand may face significant challenges—particularly around financial stability, trust, and creative vision. If these issues are not addressed, the brand could struggle to maintain growth and credibility. However, if managed strategically with clear communication and financial discipline, there is potential for success, but it will require strong leadership and careful attention to ethical practices and financial health.