#my man gets straight to the point while having his fun. for a villain that’s pretty scary man

[hana-no-seiiki]

Sorry for the long hiatus. My meds for my bipolar disorder have made it very difficult to have inspiration/motivation for anything aside from normie activities.

Anyways I have a lot planned for this year! Hopefully you guys enjoy these works that have been in the backburner for a while while now. Love yall.

Without further ado, here’s a little drabble/some hcs as appetizers.

YANDERE BATFAM x HAREM! READER

tw/cw: DID coded shenanigans. Multiple Readers converge from my other works. Confusing fuckery. Yun writing without his meds. Featuring @sophiethewitch1 ‘s loser reader from What We Want. Mad Genius! Reader.

inspired by: The Herta (Honkai Star Rail) and a lil Iron Man.

Okay it but wouldn’t it be fucking hilarious if Reader gave the boys a harem of their own.

Like perhaps they’re just this immortal genius that creates puppets. Each with its unique personality and looks. But all of them share one thing, a love for their creator and the batfam. (And are all under your control…mostly)

Let’s start with your failures shall we? After all, the most precious thing to a genius like you, is your mistakes. However few or many there are.

You created Cat Villain! Reader as a test. No flashy powers beyond invisibility and teleportation. What you did give them however, was a whole load of sass and mystique. Something that drew in the Robins pretty well at first, but they soon lose interest in favor of … well

another work of yours was Alien! Reader. The goody two shoes with a dark side. (You couldn’t make them perfectly straight and narrow, that would have been far too boring). But Alien! Reader started dating Damian way too quickly. And everyone seemed so happy with the arrangement that you quickly ended it all. Swiftly killing your puppet in a fit of boredom. (Don’t worry, you kept some spare parts in order to rebuild them later on if such a whim caught your fancy)

Now, What We Want! Reader was special. It took a lot of time, effort, and whole butt load of money. Crossing dimensions was a lot more difficult than you thought it would be. But of course, in the end, your perfect self managed to pull through.

Replacing the original What We Want! Reader with a puppet that housed a soul from another world? Genius. Absolutely brilliant. You should reward yourself with how smart you are.

Unfortunately the boys got too excited and locked her up. Almost removing your access to one of your favorite experiments! How could they?

And so you send her back home. Safe and sound (and ready for part two!)

While looking through other dimensions, a certain manga/anime caught your eye. Makima! Reader was inspired from the character herself. And Bruce’s lack of participation and eagerness in some of your previous tests. And so you made his utter nightmare. One who killed when it was necessary and kill you did.

Unfortunately Makima! Reader almost made [Favorite DC Villain] pass away and you wouldn’t want that happening, don’t you?

In getting What We Want! Reader to your dimension you failed to account one of your stupid puppets getting into the collider by accident. And thus was What’s Up Danger? Reader was born.

You let it roam free for the most part, but for some reason time seemed to loop around them meeting the batboys for the first time and would never go beyond it. (Probably cause the author hasn’t updated in a dozen amber eras at this point)

Exasperated and in dire need of some fun in your life. You bring back all the readers one last time.

And oh, the chaos that ensued was one for the ages.

Finally, a success.

©️ h.n.s. - yun | 2025

[sirazaroff]

It’s me again!

Of the RWBY villains, which one(s) is/are your favorite(s)?

I love when you show up :D

So I’ve been thinking about this for a bit, and this is based off my current knowledge with where I’m at in the series. Honestly, the villains I tend to like are the ones that eventually change their ways, like Hazel and to my surprise Emerald, cause she annoyed me for a bit.

However.

I thought about it some more and I was like. You know. Out of everyone so far. The only guy that’s ever been like a serious threat from start to end is Tyrian. Like he’s just full psychotic and cruel, kills for pleasure. He’s like a rabid lapdog. I see him more a threat than even Cinder.

Pretty scary guy, gotta say.

[toaarcan]

What does Mephiles want?

So, Mephiles is my favourite Sonic villain and has been for a while now. His vibes are simply off the charts. But his schemes within schemes are generally considered overly convoluted and nonsensical, and while there's an element of the former, the latter is, in my opinion, an unfair angle.

I know Sonic 06's writing is not the best in general, but I genuinely think Mephiles is one of the best-handled parts of it. So I thought I'd break down why I think he does what he does.

1) Why didn't he just fuse with Iblis in the future/immediately kill Elise to free Iblis in the present/do X more logical and straightforward path to his ultimate goal?

I'm getting this one out of the way slightly out of order because this is another of the many examples of "Audience expects characters to be rational, logical actors who never make emotion-driven decisions."

I can sit here and make theories as to why fusing in the future doesn't work, or argue the toss over whether Elise's death is really a means of releasing Iblis, but the simple answer here is that Mephiles is not a logical actor. He is a spiteful, sadistic monster who could do things the quick and clean way... but he's a time-travelling immortal with power enough to equal the Ultimate Life Form, why not have some fun along the way?

It should also be noted that during the events of Sonic 06, Mephiles has existed as an independent entity for ten years. He spent all ten of those years trapped in a vessel roughly the size of a soda can. Your facetious "Hurr durr why doesn't he just cut onions under Elise's eyes" gotcha can be easily countered by asking "At what point in this man's very short and limited existence would he have learned about the ocular effects of chopping onions?"

2) Mephiles and Shadow: Revenge

Well firstly we need to set aside most of what he does in Shadow's story. Yes, really. The only parts of Shadow's story that are actually part of Mephiles' big plan are the following:

Trying to break or corrupt Shadow in the future.

Acquiring a Chaos Emerald so he can use it to summon the others once Iblis is free.

Shadow actually thwarts that last one, but it doesn't matter, because as we see in the Last Episode, he simply goes and gets another one once he realises that the green and yellow ones are out of play for the moment.

See, Mephiles' attempts to mess with Shadow's head have nothing to do with reforming Solaris. They're a separate, more personal agenda. Because Mephiles isn't single-mindedly focusing on reforming Solaris. He's also out for revenge.

Mephiles' interactions with Shadow are often read as him attempting to corrupt Shadow and turn him over to the dark side, but I'm not sure if that really matters all that much to Mephiles, besides as a means to an end. We see Mephiles really manipulating people in Silver's story, after all, and he has a different approach.

While manipulating Silver, Mephiles presents himself as a benevolent ally, who offers a desperate Silver a means of stopping Iblis once and for all.

Once Silver starts to question him, Mephiles is evasive, not giving Silver a straight answer but instead applying time pressure, reminding him that if he fails in his mission, Iblis' rampage will continue unabated, and implying that time is running out before Sonic triggers the end of the world.

But that's not how he approaches Shadow. Instead, upon meeting Shadow for the first time since he was sealed, Mephiles laughs his mouthless head off, shambles around like a zombie, and promises him "a one-way ticket to oblivion."

I don't think he's trying to get Shadow to join him, guys.

And sure, when Shadow confronts Mephiles in Flame Core, he does extend an offer to Shadow, trying to tempt him to turn on humanity for their future betrayal. He positions the idea of Shadow avenging himself on humanity again as a reasonable thing, as justice.

But when Shadow doesn't bite, he doesn't press it. He just shrugs it off, goes into his crystalline form, and proceeds to start trying to kill Shadow. But why try to make this offer at all?

Easy: This is before Shadow saves Sonic from Silver at Radical Train. If Shadow doesn't intervene, because he's either evil or broken, Silver kills Sonic right there while Elise is watching, helpless in the grip of Eggman's hovercraft, and she probably cries and releases Iblis a few days early.

That's why he switches focus to trying to break Shadow's spirit after this point: Any benefit he could've gotten from corrupting Shadow no longer matters.

Revealing more of Shadow's fate in the future, and everything else he does after this point, isn't about trying to turn Shadow to darkness again. It's about hurting him. That's it. He just wants to hurt Shadow, make him feel like his heroics are futile, because all those ungrateful humans will turn on him in the end anyway, even one of his closest friends will betray him, ordered to hunt down, defeat, and seal Shadow in a prison for a crime he didn't commit.

Past their encounter in Flame Core, this isn't remotely part of the Solaris plan any more, it's purely about Mephiles wanting to torment Shadow, it's revenge for what he does in Aquatic Base in the past. Shadow sealed him in the Sceptre of Darkness ten years ago, and the vast majority of their interactions are Mephiles trying to do exactly what he promised after he escaped.

And that desire for revenge rather neatly explains why he goes about targeting Silver and Elise the way he does too.

3) Mephiles and Silver: For Iblis

Despite his monstrousness, there is someone that Mephiles cares about deeply: Iblis. True, that's technically just another part of himself, but they do exist as separate entities for most of the game, and Mephiles refers to Iblis by name and as a separate entity to himself when Iblis is freed.

And this, combined with his vengefulness, neatly explains why he sends Silver after Sonic.

Because Silver fights Iblis every day. Because when he and Iblis were newly-separated and trying to escape from Aquatic Base, Silver hunted Iblis down and captured him, enabling the Duke to seal him (more on that later). Silver was the instrument of Iblis' sealing, and desperately wants to kill Iblis. What would be more ironic (and we know Mephiles has an appreciation for irony, it's literally in his first line in Shadow's story) than using Silver himself to bring about Iblis' liberation?

How does Mephiles know that Silver is responsible? Time travel, of course. Like, he had to learn where Iblis was sealed, and that crying was the key to the seal on him somehow, he almost certainly hopped back to Aquatic Base to see what went down on Silver's side of things.

That Silver is a good (if desperate) person, but Mephiles is trying to manipulate him into killing another hero only adds to the satisfaction Mephiles would get from watching this all play out.

And though Silver fails, and realises the truth, his interference with Sonic's side of the story only helps push Mephiles closer to his goal, and the third aspect of his vengeance.

4) Mephiles, the Duke, and Elise: Sins of the Father

Let's talk about everyone's favourite Sonic character, Princess Elise III.

Elise is Iblis' vessel, and is incredibly emotionally repressed, having somehow not cried since she was about seven years old, despite both of her parents being dead, the pressures of being a monarch, and the general hormone-driven emotional instability of being a teenager.

As the one thing holding Iblis' rampage back, Elise's death in the crashing Egg Carrier at the end of Sonic and Silver's trip through Kingdom Valley is the point where Iblis broke free and ruined everything. Setting aside whether her death caused it or if she shed a single tear before impact. But this isn't enough for Mephiles, apparently, and despite her being Iblis' vessel, he takes very little interest in her throughout the story... or does he?

Mephiles could take Elise's death as a W, hop over to the crash site and fuse with Iblis there. But he doesn't? Why?

Because he specifically wants to break the seal by making her cry.

This is why Silver's failures play into Mephiles' hands anyway. Because by trying to kill Sonic, Silver keeps opening the doors for Elise to get captured again, forcing Sonic to rush to her aid once more, and generally making their time together much more dramatic and emotionally-tense. This almost certainly helps get Elise, uhhhhh... let's just say attached to Sonic, meaning that when, at the beginning of the final act, Mephiles hits Sonic with the ol' "Nothin personnel kid", Elise's overstressed emotional repression finally fails and she breaks down, releasing Iblis.

But why does he want to do this? Why go through all the extra hurdles of piling more pressure on Elise until she snaps, when he could theoretically just kill her and set Iblis free, or literally just be there for her death?

You guessed it, it's revenge again. But not against Elise, against her father, using Elise as a proxy.

I think if there's anyone in the entire universe that Mephiles outright despises, it's this guy.

The Duke of Soleanna was responsible for the original Solaris Project, during which he attempted to control Solaris' power in order to give himself and his people power over time. However, it's heavily implied that the experiments weren't exactly a pleasant experience for Solaris, given that they ultimately destabilised him, resulting in him being explosively torn into two parts.

This event is the entire reason that Solaris, and his two fragments, are hostile. Before the Solaris Project, Solaris himself was a benevolent and benign entity. As the Flame of Hope, he was genuinely worshipped by the people of Soleanna, and was said to have once saved the city from a great fire, while in the form of an eagle.

Now, it's been theorised that Solaris actually caused that fire, but there's no actual evidence to suggest that beyond association with fire, and engineering a false-flag disaster to force people to worship him generally isn't in-character with what we know of Solaris pre-Project.

That said, their faith wasn't without its darker side, as prophecy foretold that one day, Solaris' wrath would be incurred, manifesting in the forms of the Flames of Disaster. And this is exactly what the Solaris Project ended up doing, driving Solaris berserk and resulting in both of his halves becoming monsters.

So for Mephiles, hatred of Duke, and Elise by proxy, would already be extremely personal. But it doesn't stop there, because the Duke is also the one to seal Iblis within Elise, putting him in the line of fire for the same reasons as Shadow and Silver.

And how better to exact a posthumous vengeance against the Duke than by emotionally breaking his beloved daughter, and in doing so, directly undoing the seal he made, in precisely the way he tried to prevent?

Mephiles' mind was probably made up on how he'd free Iblis from the moment he learned what the key to the lock was.

5) Mephiles' actual goals.

With that in mind, here's my simplified list of what Mephiles wants to achieve in 06.

Re-fuse into Solaris.

Free Iblis by emotionally devastating Elise.

In destroying Elise, achieve vengeance on the Duke by ruining his plans and tormenting his daughter.

Make Silver the one to free Iblis by killing Sonic, an ironic punishment for sealing Iblis to begin with.

Torment Shadow with the terrible future ahead of him as vengeance for sealing him to begin with (Side project).

And hell, here's a flowchart.

It's a bit small, but it should be the right size if you open it in a new tab.

So yeah, I don't think Mephiles' plan is overly convoluted. Most of his actual plan to reunite with Iblis is straightforward enough. Everything other aspect is either a contingency or a side-project, and any inefficiencies are the result of his sadistic need for vengeance on Shadow, Silver, and the Duke.

[jimmytimmyjames]

a post i saw likening joel and scar in their "villainy" in the life series has prompted me to finally express in writing how much mr. goodtimeswithscar terrifies me.

you see. joel and scar have both played the role of the "villain" in the life series (last life, secret life) and, outside of the instances in which they played those roles, are still liable to cause destruction and kill people. imo, despite this similarity, they give off very different vibes.

joel is straight-forward. he enjoys chaos and is liable to stab someone in the back for fun, and everyone knows this. if you aren't engaged in an unusually strong allyship (the bad boys, the mounders) with him, don't trust him. he will murder his own wife for the hell of it. this simplicity makes him entertaining to me, even though i sometimes don't vibe with the way he acts in these series. i expect this behaviour. the expectedness makes him less scary. also making him less scary is the fact that, while he can do serious damage, he has a tendency to make stupid and rash decisions and to kill himself with his own traps. he is a double-edged sword. for every bit of damage he deals to someone else, he deals damage to himself also. a cringefail little guy whom i can only take entirely seriously on certain occasions. not exactly, but quite like a chihuahua - aggressive, evil for no reason, with a lethal bite if it manages to get its teeth in you, but, at the end of the day, a chihuahua. (sorry for the stereotypes. not all chihuahuas, i'm sure.)

mr. goodtimes, on the otherhand, is volatile. i do not know what is going on in his head at any given time. i cannot tell when he is going to act perfectly cordially or decide to burn someone's house down or take a shot at them just to see if he can do some damage. that man is simultaneously perfectly innocent of any crime and completely guilty of all of them, and this quantum state in which he somehow manages to exist makes my hairs stand on end. it is exacerbated by his persona. i do believe that scar gets himself into Situations by accident and isn't putting on a front with regards to his cringefailness. however, he is - at the same time - as sharp as they come. like, scarily calculating. he is the goof character who turns out to be jaded and merciless inside. he will laugh with you, which turns to laughing at you, which turns to shooting you in the head, all the while keeping up this sense of goofiness and half-fake friendliness. bro. it has gotten to the point that seeing his skin evokes within me a deep-seated sense of unease. his eyes, man. his eyes. grian is the same. there is nothing behind those eyes. however, grian lacks scar's redeeming little meow meow factor which endears him to me. grian's just straight-up evil. i don't even trust grian when he's teamed with the person who's perspective i'm watching. (yes, btw, i watch jimmy's pov)

this is why desert duo gives me nightmares btw.

[mgarmagedon]

Okay my Transformers Earthspark season 2B review!!!

There will be spoilers, skip it if you don't want any spoilers

I won't repeat myself about topics I already talked about like Hashtag, plot holes, graphics that give me nightmares, etc.

So... you can be surprised but most of the episodes weren't making me instantly mad! Ik, ik, it's shocking, but yeah, main cause of it is Prowl! Like every episode that he was in was entertaining enough to foucs me on what was happening and not make me think about all the fucking filler and waste of potential is happening in background XDD

But before we go to this part, let's start from the beginning! 3 first ep of this part of a season were just straight up fucking filler. Like those eps were so boring and unimportant that while i was writing a review of it on my instagram yesterday I needed to rewatch first episode, because I forgot what was happening there XDDD like omg every ep before Prowl showed up was so useless and waste of time!!! Like they could use it for like idk STARSCREAM DEVELOPMENT WHICH THEY STARTED IN SEASON 1, RUINED IN THE BEGINNING OF THE SECOND AND DID NOTHING LATER WITH IT

But lets go to the fun part uwu which is ep where Prowl shows up, like he and Megatron are holding this fucking shit show on their shoulders every scene they are in XD

Like Prowl is such a funny racist bitch, I'm kinda sad that they forgot that Tarantulus exist and never do something with him and Prowl, like that would be so cool if Prowl was anti hero, not a villain... but him being funny racist learning that he should respect other ppl is ig cool???

I still fucking can't believe that his figure is repainted cyberverse Roddi

And second is Megan, which is serving (not in design way), every scene that she shows up in is just melting my heart, because he is such a cute grandpa for Twitch (he is not her fucking father figure, he is elder man which is taking care of youngling, which means he is grandpa for hair >:(((()

I can only put one video in the post so I only show you this, but like OMG he is stealing the fucking show, every fucking scene he calls her 'little bird' one child rids off the daddy issue

But let's come back to rest of the stuff, which means: too many fucking characters.

Like there is so much characters that they have almost 0 time do develop or even talk, like yet Grimlock showed up only in zombie ep for longer than 10 seconds in season overall, and doesn't even talk XDD

Or Starscream situation, like for sure focusing on terrans having troubles with Robby's alien date was more important than Screamer reliving the trauma of being left by everyone and getting crazy to the point he is talking to corpses... IT'S NOT IMPORTANT AT ALL

And I don't even wanna know what they will do with this giant bitch which they woke up in the end...

ANYWAY Season 2B is getting 5/10 score, which is the highest for Earthspark yet!

It's like buying from the Shein, you think it looks cute and cool, but turns to dust while you put it on your ass.

Ah and this one pic I made a while ago is still really valid

Ah and Izzy is bad villain like bad not in evil way just bad

[sepublic]

So disappointed to hear the newest Batman show is doing yet another edgy twisted Joker. Like it’s so old it’s so boring it’s so dumb, and worst of all it’s faux-deep because none of his Society ramblings are actual criticisms, nor is his character one. You know what’d actually be fun and subversive at this point? A version of Joker that’s actually funny. A Joker who’s actually a joke villain and not just trying to be the darkest version yet.

It’s a Joker who performs the strangest crimes that aren’t really that big a deal, especially not compared to other criminals. So flooding the docks with a bunch of rubber ducks. But it’s technically a crime and it’s a slow night so Batman decides to deal with it.

Give me a Joker who’s genuinely just doing this for fun. While other Batman villains are serious or operate on some pathos or logic, the Joker’s just a dude who’s simple and knows what he wants, and it’s just straight up gags. He does rob a bank with clown henchman but they’re actual clowns doing funny little gags the whole time:

The Joker is so genuinely unserious and it embarrasses Batman because he wants to brood deep down but then gets deflated each time; Joker’s the only villain to legitimately get under Batman’s skin for how he roasts him, he’s like Spider-Man even. The other villains are baffled by this man, and the only thing the Joker’s brutally murdering is the otherwise dark, played completely straight tone he’s knocked over like some bowling pins.

It gets to a point where it’s revealed that the Joker could be really devastating if he truly wanted to be; It turns out he knows who Batman is, he leaves a prank for him in the Batcave. But he just never does anything with it because that’s like killing the other player in a video game. He’s here to have fun, he’s not a rage quitter. He’s operating on Roger Rabbit rules where Joker can only do something if it’s funny, so he’s not going to kill Batman in his sleep because there’s no fun in that.

There’s a surprising moment of pathos where Batman has hit a low point and it’s the Joker of all people who comes in to cheer him up, make him laugh and say you’ve got this Batman! You’ve proven to everyone you can! And Batman’s like You’re right Joker. I do have it. Thanks! And Joker’s like Sure thing Pal, can’t have my best playmate being bummed out. And then he just leaves.

I need their dynamic to reach a point where it’s like this video. Batman can’t understand a joke and assumes it must be operating on five different layers of irony for him to Not Get It and he needs a master of comedy to solve it, he’s treating it like one of Nygma’s riddles and Joker’s just like. Actually this is a very simple joke Bats you’re just literal. Batman would say he’s come for a battle of wits only for the Joker to be unarmed, and Joker says his momma sucked him good and hard through his jorts because he’s a peak troll.

Would this type of Joker border on Sexyman bait? Maybe. But it’d be far preferable to the inundation of Edgy Joker we keep getting. Let’s play Joker completely straight. Make him The Lego Batman Movie incarnation. Or The Brave and the Bold; Just because there’s two instances doesn’t change the fact that there’s only two instances. He sees the other Jokers and is baffled, Why so serious but it’s genuine. He would love it if Terry responded to his banter.

[yamst3rdamctrl]

🎄Merry Smutty Christmas🎄

Requested by: @bhjszsdxc

Summary: YN, her best friend Ashley, and Michael spend Christmas Eve together so they can celebrate it as friends. YN has feelings for Michael, but he has no clue. Ashley is the only one who knows YN secret; however, Ashley acts like she likes Michael even though she has a boyfriend. Little does either know Michael is madly head over hills for YN.

 

As the holidays approached, YN, Ashley, and Michael prepped for their Christmas Friend Day, which they planned to eat and bake cookies, drink hot chocolate, and watch movies. Michael and YN started gathering everything that was needed while they waited for Ashley to come. “I hope she don’t bring her crazy ass boyfriend. He be sickening asf.” Michael said, and YN agreed. Michael and YN then reached for the same cookie batter, and YN blushed while Michael looked in her eyes. Michael looked up at the ceiling, pointed, and said, “Mistletoe”. Michael leaned into YN and before he could kiss YN a door opened and in came the loud Ashley screaming, “What’s up bitches! Did I interrupt something?” YN blushed and said, “Oh no girl” and continued to get everything ready.

As YN, Ashley, and Michael sat watching TV, and a love scene came on Michael watched YN shift in her seat. He knew she had not properly been fucked in awhile since her last boyfriend. Michael knew she was feening and he knew that, and he wanted to be the one to break her in. Ashley noticed that Michael was looking at YN in a sexual way, so she decided to expose everybody. Ashley cut the TV off and said, “Since we are friends, I have a confession, Michael, I like you so what’s up?” YN looked shocked and lost for words and felt bad. “Well...” Michael started and then said, “I like YN, and I want her. Ashley, you got a whole man. Girl bye.” YN thought to herself and said oh my God… he likes me. Ashley was upset and decided to put a spin on it, “Well, I want to fuck so let’s go.” Ashley tried to walk up because she wanted Michael. Michael got up and YN felt horrible because she never thought he would try her best friend. Michael then moved straight to YN and tongue kissed her. Ashley acted shocked and then walked away and left the house. Little did Michael and YN know this what apart of Ashley’s plan. She knew that Michael and YN liked each other and the only way that it would work if she played a villain.

Michael took his lips of YN and said, “YN, I really like you and I love being your friend, but I want to be more, and I need to fuck you.” YN looked in shock but then Michael moved further towards YN and kissed her lips before slipping his tongue in her mouth. Michael then grabbed YN by the waist and picked her up while she wrapped her legs around him. Michael was ready to have fun with YN since he knew she could take his 10 inches. Michael then dropped YN on the bed and climbed on top of her and started to kiss all over her. Michael laid on the side of YN and kissed her all on her neck and put his hand in her pants and began to rub on her pearl. YN started to moan and grind on his hand and Michael grew inpatient and ripped her pants of and immediately attached his mouth to YN pussy. He began to suck, lick, and tongue fuck her pussy as much as he could. He had no problem with taking his finger and playing with her pussy with no problem. YN was a moan mess under Michael while he ate her pussy like it was the last meal. Michael was wanting YN for the longest and he finally got her.

YN started to grind on his mouth, and she started shaking. “Nutt all in my mouth baby.” Soon as Michael finished his sentence YN came undone right in his mouth. Michael did his best to drink her water to quench his thirst. “Okay Michael, I’m done cumming move.” YN said to Michael but didn’t care he kept sucking and eating her pussy. Michael then locked YN down by her legs and had her losing it. “Oh my god, Michael I’m cumming again.” Michael allowed YN to cum from another nutt. She did not expect that she would cum that much from head alone. Michael got up and wiped his mouth and looked like a demon had awoken in his eyes. Michael grabbed YN by her ankles and pulled her to the edge of the bed. Michael stripped naked and began to stroke his dick coming closer to YN. That is when Michael plunged his dick inside of Yns tight, wet pussy. YN then yelled out in pleasure from feeling him inside of her. Michael moaned as soon as he felt her insides, and he was determined to make her feel it in her guts.

Michael then started to fuck YN harder and harder in missionary. YN could just sit there and take it, and she loved every second of it. YN then felt the knot forming in her stomach and that is when Michael said, “Give me that shit baby.” YN came without a second thought and gave him all her juices. Michael then flipped YN over on her stomach and entered her from the back. He started off so but then gradually started to go faster. Michael then kept going and had YN a moaning mess. He saw how wet YN was and decided to take it up and a bit and took his dick out of her pussy and put it in her asshole. He squeezed his dick inside of her tight asshole and made her moan hard as hell. Michael then started to fuck her ass slow to loosen her up, once he felt she was loosening up he started to fuck her harder. YN started to run from how hard he was fucking her. Michael popped her right ass cheek and said, “Take that dick” in his husky voice. The dick was so powerful she ran so fast his dick came out. YN knew she couldn’t take that much in her ass and had to get him out. Michael then put his dick back in her pussy and fucked her into submission. YN was a moaning mess when he reached around to grab her neck with both hands while getting a good angle and rhythm. Her eyes started to roll in the back of her head and that knot started to form one again. That is when Michael said, “I’m about to cum all inside your pussy.” Before she knew it, she came, and not too long after Michael thrusted so hard and nutted in her pussy while moaning and then he pulled out and collapsed next to YN. He looked at the clock and saw that it was past midnight. “Merry Christmas Baby” Michael said and he and YN cuddled and fell asleep.

[necrotic-nephilim]

JayHelenaTim JayHelenaTim JayHelenaTim !!!!

i feel like you slammed into my home like the Kool-Aid man and told me you had a new religion and i'm DELIGHTED bc sign me up-

this ship has SO much potential oh my god. i always prefer JayHelena with a third just bc i think it balances them (and keeps them from literally eating each other alive) well and provides the a third person to direct their intensity toward. and Tim is just. so good. bc Tim would try to separate them at first. he *likes* Helena and she's basically his older sister and she wants Jason nowhere *near* her. so when he realizes slowly that Jason is around Helena and they're sleeping together, Tim is losing it. he straight up tries to fight Jason about it i think. and Jason is wildly amused bc he's always delighted when something he does gets under Tim's skin and this time, he didn't even have to do it on purpose.

love the idea of like. Helena having to hold Tim back from going off on Jason and just mauling him. while Tim is trying to get between Helena and Jason when they start to argue. and Jason is just here for the carnage. he likes Helena, but he likes her even *more* when she's holding Tim back and being kind and protective of him. bc Helena and Jason have very different ideas of how to take care of Tim. so when Helena is kind and trying to calm Tim down, Jason wants to be the one riling him up.

and Helena is caught between knowing Jason has eyes for Tim while she's convinced her feelings for Tim are entirely familial. but the more Jason looks like he wants to devour Tim the more she realizes Jason *might* have a point. something something corruption kink. and that's not even getting into the morality of Tim surrounded by two ppl who are very steadfast on being pro-murder and how they'd slowly break him down. he's surrounded by the rhetoric so much he can't help but see the points to it. maybe he never wants to kill someone, but when Helena and Jason race to kill someone first, Tim feels stuck in place just watching it happen bc he's so entranced by the sight.

honestly i'd give anything to write that fic- Jason and Helena fighting over who gets to kill some generic villain. maybe they matter or maybe its just the principle of the argument. and Tim just watches knowing he should stop them but he can't. he has ample time to get the villain to safety as Jason and Helena brawl but Tim if anything, is holding the villain down to make sure they *don't* run bc he's sort of curious who's going to win this. and when whoever wins finally gets the kill, the tell Tim he was being so good for holding down the villain and he gets a bloody kiss on the cheek. and then they probably all fuck nasty about it idk.

anyway- i think this ship is neat. Jason and Helena both have a love for Tim that comes in *very* different shades and they could be absolutely unhinged about each other if you put them in the same room alone for even two seconds. there would be blood. whose blood? that's the fun of it. you never know.

[im-ovulating]

Okokok

Ok

This bitch on tiktok was arguing with me about creepypasta (dont ask. idk why it's on my fyp either, I left that fandom when I was 16).

It was about people mixing CRPs and Marble Hornets and changing Brian and Tim into Slenderman's (The Operator's) proxies rather than his enemies as they are in Marble Hornets.

He was tryna tell me that if you mix them together and change it like that, you are "media illiterate" and are "uneducated in fandom culture." Let's get one thing straight - Marble Hornets did not create The Operator. The Operator is literally just Slenderman renamed. Sorry, not sorry to break it to anyone who didn't know; you've had over a decade to watch it. Slenderman was one of the OG creepypastas that blew up. It's not even a different version of him in the series. It's just exactly him with a different name.

So (and correct me if I'm wrong) (I'm not), that makes Tim (Masky) and Brian (Hoodie) a creepypasta's enemies.

WHICH MEANS THEY ARE TECHNICALLY CREEPYPASTA OCS AND THEREFORE YOU CAN HAVE A SILLY LIL HEADCANON THAT THEY ARE HIS PROXIES.

It's technically not even mixing fandoms, bc, again, Slenderman is a CRP, and Marble Hornets uses Slenderman as the main villain, meaning Marble Hornets is basically a CRP web series.

Now...

I grew up watching Marble Hornets while simultaneously loving creepypasta stories. But even though I knew they were different veins of a similar subject, I still enjoyed the silly little stories people made with them mixed like that.

Do I mix them now that I'm an adult? No. But I'm not going to lie and say I never did. And I'm also not going to shit on people who still enjoy that dynamic.

It's not "mischaracterization" and it's not "media illiteracy". It's quite simply just having fun with different medias.

Mixing fandoms is, like, a large aspect of the fandom world.

An example based on the first fandom I started writing for: MHA. A pretty popular au for it is Spiderman despite them being vastly different medias.

It's just a small, fun thing that people do.

I know I'm rambling, and that this is out of left field. I just don't get why this man at his big age of 34 had to get so up in a tizzy about two fandoms (that I would argue are technically one fandom) being mixed together by a bunch of 10 year olds to the point of cursing people out and writing whole ass thesis papers in the comments on why he disagrees and that he's right and you're wrong because "how dare you have fun with the content you consume😡😤".

But that's just me.

[tragicbeauty1991]

So I know I’m extremely late to the party, but I FINALLY got around to watching Wish now that it’s up on Disney+ and…I genuinely don’t understand why it got so much hate?? Sure, maybe it wasn’t on par with things like The Lion King or Frozen in terms of the lasting effect it’ll have on pop culture but it was still a good, fun film with original characters and plot and catchy songs. While I can see where some of the complaints are coming from, I feel like ultimately most of them blow the issues out of proportion. As for my personal thoughts on the film…

- The songs were good overall. Maybe not as memorable as some of my favorite ‘90s Disney jams, but topping Phil Collins and Elton John is admittedly hard to do. Ariana DeBose and Chris Pine were great, though. I honestly had no idea Chris Pine could sing so well. “At All Costs” was by far my favorite song of the entire film. I would have loved to see it as a love duet rather than singing to the wishes but regardless, it’s beautiful. “This is the Thanks I Get” got a lot of flak, but honestly, I thought it was catchy and fun—rather reminiscent of Gaston’s pub song about himself.

- Speaking of Magnifico… More backstory, please! I would love for a sequel to do what they did with Frozen and explain all the things that were not fully developed in the first film. I want to know details on what happened to Magnifico’s family… But man, oh man… Was I EVER happy to get a “real villain” again with more of a classic Disney feel—dramatic, over the top, a little unhinged…and just FUN. I think the reason so many people seem to be having a problem with him is that they don’t quite know how to categorize him, though, before his ultimate downward spiral after being possessed by the book. (I think after that point, no one would argue about him being a villain.) But before…while he’s definitely narcissistic and has a temper…he’s not straight-up evil. There’s a big difference in being a bit of a jerk and being someone who makes you legitimately fear for your life. In fact, we have several heroic characters in the Disney canon who at least start out their story in a similar vein. Prince Naveen, Peter Pan, and Emperor Kuzco, for example, are all full of themselves and entitled…but they ultimately choose to do the right thing when it comes down to people they care about. That is to say, Magnifico’s less than ideal character traits we see early on in the film shouldn’t automatically qualify him as a villain. He could frankly go either way. And then when he does “go dark” it’s ONE stupid decision on his part (going for the book) that ruins any chance he had of being like the aforementioned characters. Personally, I like the complexity…and the tragedy of what it means for Queen Amaya. Which reminds me…

- Yes, a villain power couple would have been fun. But honestly, I think I like this better. Partly because of the angst potential here. For all his faults, Amaya DOES genuinely love him, and watching him slowly lose his mind and himself to the power-hungry monster he becomes has to be absolutely heartbreaking for her. Also…maybe it’s just because I identify with Amaya here. I have been in a bad relationship where I did truly love the other person and thought they loved me…but ultimately, they seemed to love themselves more. And I made excuse after excuse for his behavior for a long time because I couldn’t see what he was doing to me…didn’t want to see it…because I loved him. People say Amaya had to have known sooner that something rotten was going on but I don’t know that she ever allowed herself to think anything other than the best of him. Amaya has a good heart…and sometimes those people see the best in others even when it isn’t there. What I really would have loved is to have Amaya and Magnifico sing a short reprise of “At All Costs” in which Amaya is asking, “Really? You’ll hoard all these wishes for your own selfish reasons even at the cost of losing your people’s love? Of losing me?” And Magnifico is just…stoically resolute. That would have hurt but it would have been so good!

- Similarly, I don’t get the complaint about Star. I wouldn’t mind seeing Star Boy like he was in the concept art and having a romance with Asha. But also…Star is ADORABLE, okay?? He may not speak but he has so much personality. Makes me think of like…Pascal in Tangled or even Tinkerbell.

- I know a lot of people complained about there being too many references to other Disney films but this just seems like a silly argument to me. Disney has always liked to leave little Easter eggs in their films and have some fun with crossovers. I am thinking of the Genie imitating Pinocchio and pulling Sebastian out of nowhere in Aladdin. Hidden characters in the background of other films like Flynn and Rapunzel showing up in Arendelle. Hidden Mickeys. And of course shows that were all about a Disney multi-verse that sort of pokes fun at itself like Once Upon a Time, House of Mouse, and even Ralph Breaks the Internet. With this being a special anniversary film, of course we ought to expect more nods to other films and Disney animation history. I thought it was cute. Especially Magnifico’s jab at Asha’s little moving drawing. (“Is that a talent?”) Made me literally laugh out loud.

- I think the one complaint I do agree with at least in part is the, “But Magnifico was right, though??” Some dreams shouldn’t come true. Especially if it’s a wish you’re making when you’re 18. There are definitely things I wished for at 18 that I am glad I did not get in hindsight. Sometimes what we wish for isn’t what’s best for us or others. And while Asha’s wishes are selfless and for others…she seems to assume that everyone else will also have equally harmless, selfless wishes. It’s sweet but perhaps a bit naive. Also…Asha has good intentions but it is rather funny and frustrating as the adult to watch this teenager come in and try to upset the whole system thinking she knows better than the person who has been running the kingdom for years. That said… Asha isn’t totally wrong either. The wishes do ultimately belong to the people who made them and it’s better even if it’s painful to have a dream in your heart than to be lacking purpose. It may be easier to forget the wishes entirely but certainly not healthier. Ironically, if only these two could have worked together, they actually would have made a great team.

Overall, I liked the film. And I think if I was still a child myself, I would have enjoyed it even more.

[goodluckclove]

In Defense of Self-Inserts

This is written in response to an ask sent from the Always Delightful @fukurouonthesea, who asked for my thoughts on creating unique characters in regards to a tabletop game character they're building. My first thought on getting this question is that Fukuro likely assumes unique characters are a subject I know things about - good to hear! Good that people assume I know things! That works out well for me.

So I can speak more on the perspective of writing characters for prose and scripts rather than TTRPGs. I recently finished my first campaign, but I was sort of tricked into playing by my wife who was DM-ing and ended up going the whole time with a joke character I really couldn't find any actual dramatic pathos in*. My next attempt will hopefully be more intentionally-crafted. But also still probably chaotic. I tend to lean that way, apparently.

But characters! How do you do them? Or, more accurately, how do I do them? There's a ton of paths to get to the same goal of Cool Guy That's Fun To Read About, but I'd love to take this opportunity to put off actually working on Migration Patterns for a while longer and instead ramble about something I've been wanting to dive into for a while.

Self-inserts are actually super useful! They're great! All of my characters are self-inserts and virtually no one has ever commented on that! I genuinely don't think they've noticed!

(this is a long one)

What is a self-insert, really? The definition I'm the most familiar with in writing is a character drawing (maybe even heavily drawing) from yourself as the author. I saw people back in the day get very mean about self-inserts, considering them an overlap with the Original Sin of Mary Sue-dom. It's 2024, though, and these days Mary Sue is primarily a term used to describe female characters that a critic personally doesn't like. Still, I've had a TON of writers come to me worrying about writing self-inserts, and I'm consistently confused.

Maybe it's because I've been doing this for long enough that I've built up an immunity to the dumb nonsense people say online posing as "Objective Writing Advice". Maybe it's because I'm a huge fan of Kurt Vonnegut, a man who straight up wrote himself as a side character in a few of his most notable books. I've never gone that far, but I absolutely pull from my own life and identity for all of my characters and it consistently works.

I think when a reader points out a character as a self-insert, it's a reflex of seeing someone with notably less nuance than the rest of the cast. This character - let's name them Goobis - is written with the near-explicit intent to be just super cool. It's an instant turn-off for me in a written work if there's one person I can just look at and immediately know they're crafted to be the fandom darling. Goobis might have faults, but if they do, they're pretty cool faults. They're things that could definitely be bad if pushed to a thematic height (Caring too much, over-protective, self-sacrificing, a level of snark that's guaranteed to make impressionable fans slightly insufferable for a few years), but they aren't.

Goobis, typically, gets kid gloves in terms of the treatment of the story. Plot Armor, maybe. Or they might be a Plot Martyr that has every bad thing ever happen to them and everyone around them is either an old-timey villain or a kind cardboard cutout that weeps oh no poor Goobis!! Both are fine. There's an audience for both, clearly. But from what I've seen those are the types of characters that typically get readers - myself included - to think they're a form of wish-fulfillment.

You can do wish-fulfillment in writing. You should do that at least one, it's nice and good for bone health. But man, there are a lot of writers (Including adult ones that I've known in my real life) who can benefit from - like - distance, man. Draw from yourself and your life, but unless you're ready for a conversation maybe don't be one-to-one accurate.

I have a relative who got a masters in creative writing. I found his novella online and aimed to read it and send him my thoughts as a show of support, only to find that it was actually unbelievably pretentious and I honestly couldn't get through it. What drew my attention, though, was that the main character was dealing with the grief of his father, who died literally the exact same way my relative's actual father died.

I caught it immediately and I think I whispered "oh no" out loud. Like, what are you doing dude? Your mom read that shit, and she had to see you describe an entirely accurate depiction of how her fucking husband died that is such a weird move. Processing grief through writing is great - but change some fucking specifics, you weirdo. Make it a mom instead of a dad, or maybe an uncle or grandpa if you're keeping the patriarch thing. Change the reason why he needed surgery, or the medical complication that caused his death. Maybe don't name the exact hospital where your Dad died in this non-autobiographical work. Fucking hell.

Shifting some surface-level details from events in your life is, often times, enough to make it so people directly involved in these events can read them and not even realize what you're referencing. You can also tweak a certain event slightly to fictionalize it even further, while still having the honesty of your real life experience. I dropped out of school while starting the same creative writing program my relative graduated from. What if I stayed? What would my life look like? What would my writing look like? Would I still even enjoy writing? The concept of sliding door moments is a fascinating one to me and it's something I think about a lot.

On a more internal level in terms of character, you know more of yourself than anyone else in your life. You know your fears and your faults. You know what makes you lovable - or what people say they love you for, or what you'd like them to love about you. You probably know things about yourself that are so painful and trembling that you assume that if anyone else finds out about them they'd immediately realize you're worthless as a human being. If you don't know any of that, maybe you should. Internal contemplation - or external though something like therapy - is absolutely beneficial in a ton of ways, including for your art.

People are complicated. Everyone is complicated, and the average person as the most experience with their own network of identity. And in my own work (The only craft I can really speak for), putting at least a touch of myself in the characters I create has really caused people to engage and relate to them.

And it's weird, because I can't really think of any major faults that any of my characters have. At least, not in the way a lot of newer writers describe character faults - like some rubber stamp easily marked in the center of a person's forehead. There are things about the cast of my series Songbird Elegies that I see as struggles that either have to be processed or managed. Someone might be self-loathing, or struggle with emotional intimacy, or have a temper that will absolutely steer them wrong. They might be impulsive to a degree that is no longer Quirky Cute. That's not great.

But growing writers will sometimes make a fault out to be a thing that you can see very clearly in a person above anything else. As if you can point at a guy on the street and say BAM - SEXIST! Which - yeah, you can do that. I can have brief interactions with people I don't actually know and come away thinking that someone is stupid or lazy or irresponsible or any number of bad qualities. It's only if I got to actually know them - either though a relationship or just somehow following their lives as an outside observer - that I'd learn they slipped through the cracks in school so deeply that they just stopped caring, or they went through a loss that resulted in them choosing to survive instead of actually live.

Your worst qualities weren't predestined from birth. The Meyers-Brigg is absolute nonsense mainly utilized by the military and most major corporations. There are things you might hate about yourself that once served to protect you. This is true for everyone you see, but when you're just starting out in art it might be hard to see that. That's why it's so helpful to first draw from yourself.

So draw from yourself to whatever degree you want. Give Goobis your sense of humor, but maybe use it as an opportunity to explore why you're so quick to joke and what doing that might be avoiding. Have Goobis experience the same childhood birthday that irrevocably changed the course of your life, but maybe change what year it happened and make it a close-up magician you found instead of a Spiderman Impersonator. In fact, consider seeing what would change if it was Goobis' innocent little brother who stumbled across Spiderman's dead body instead of Goobis themself. If you're willing to be honest - not excessively self-deprecating or praising, just honest - you'll probably be surprised how many people see themselves in the people you write.

God that was long. I hope that helped maybe? Helped someone?

*It was an eldritch horror wearing a cowboy Hat of Disguise to look like a bulldog. His name was Socks. He ended the campaign traveling to early 2000s Philadelphia and kidnapping an NPC with him. This was after Socks paid for the NPCs Wizard school education, then paid for the NPC to become a potter after crossing paths again, and then sacrificed the NPC to be an immortal slave to a Time Spider. In the climax of this campaign Socks used the Teleport cantrip from Wizards101 to banish the final enemy to the Tomb of the Beguiler. Things went off the rails real quick.

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

Oh no was the spin-off bad or just mediocre? Is there anything you particularly liked or disliked about it?

god okay let's get into the good, the bad, and the ???? of it all. hiding it entirely under a cut because spoilers ahoy.

the :)

I have reservations about the Riddler as a full protagonist that I'll articulate below, but I can't really fault any of the writing re: Eddie's dialogue at all. the characterization of the Riddler as an insufferably cocky and nosy motormouth works really well, and Hasan Minhaj seems like he's having a blast with the expanded role.

I also like ESCAPE ARTIST PICKPOCKET RIDDLER recognition!!!

also hey even though they didn't follow up on some of the very promising tidbits re: Eddie's potentially deteriorating mental state dropped in Unburied, I like that it was made clear that there are physical components to his riddle compulsion, namely mentioning that his chest was getting tighter. it adds an interesting dimension to his whole schtick!

having listed all these fun traits that I enjoy, I also respect that the story doesn't feel the need to like... soften Eddie in order to make him a more likeable protagonist. oh haha the funny little asshole man? yeah he killed people. he kills a guy literally in the course of the story after proclaiming in the very first episode that he's mostly non-violent. and he's 100% chill about it because fuck that guy! he doesn't matter, he's in the way of the riddle! and the whole ending with Nadira is... oofah doofah, that's crazy. that's crazy crazy. and it's pretty tasty!

I LOOOOOVE appearances from minor villains!!! bro we got THE FUCKING TALLY MAN in this!!! also hey when I wrote that absurdly long post-Unburied fic I CORRECTLY predicted Croc, Sportsmaster, and the fucking Condiment King someone. I don't know. pay me or kiss me on the mouth for that or something.

I wish there was more Barbara, of course, but I really like what we did get of her! I like that we've kind of skipped over any need for her to have a Batgirl era and just got straight to the good stuff of being almost Oracle. I love to see her exactly where she belongs: flagrantly committing cybercrime to save lives because she can.

also the sound design is still good, and I really like the new music for the opening and Azrael's motif

also speaking of Azrael I'm going to say ONE nice thing about how he was written which is that I DO think it's interesting that they directly pointed out that the concept of Azrael as an angel of death is actually much more prominent in Islam than Christianity while also making in unambiguous that the Nygmas are a Muslim family. it adds a little bit of intrigue to the connection between Nadira and JP, not nearly enough to actually redeem Nadira as a big bad in my eyes (see below) but it is interesting!

also lastly Eddie is flirting so hard with Bruce AND Barbara I love you problematic awful bisexual representation. AND Killer Croc wants to fuck him? madness.

the :/

I alluded to this earlier, but I don't know if I love Eddie promoted to the POV protagonist! it's a big departure from Unburied, not just in terms of who's the main character but also in terms of limiting the scope of the story. giving Bruce and Barbara's alternating perspectives in Unburied was brilliant for building up the mystery and creating suspense in the story, and when the story came together to focus fully on Bruce as Batman it felt organically earned.

and also on a more Eddie-centric note I just! think he works better as a supporting character for other people to bounce off of, rather than being a lead in his own right!

I'm putting this in :/ instead of :( because it's more of a matter of personal taste than anything but godddddd I wanted more Barbara :/ I love her :/ where is she :/ I'm mostly mad because I wanted a spinoff of her and Eddie solving crimes while he crashes in her couch and does petty crime but godddddd god god god I want her back so bad I love her more than Eddie and Bruce combined

while I like the emotional beats of the resolution with Nadira I don't... like her as a character or a storytelling device. like I'm sorry but I don't really care about the Riddler's family drama! especially not when it's as heavy-handed as "my sister told me riddles to distract me from our parents fighting." very reminiscent of the backstory where Leonard and Lisa Snart would hide out in an ice cream truck or whatever, please stop trying to make psychology this painfully clear cut.

I also didn't really need an origin story but I do like that it's kind of an updated version of his first BTAS episode!

I can't decide if Jean Paul unceremoniously killing off Flass is really funny or sucks shit. kind of both but it does veer towards the latter, I was really hoping that if they're going to keep making more of this podcast we would at least get to see Babs get an arc where she investigates Flass and gets justice for her dad on her own terms. but then again. it is pretty funny.

also god this isn't REALLY about the show but I have to say this. the Riddler a.) getting #calledout by Azrael for bearing false witness and b.) ESPECIALLY him trying to dunk on his sister by implying she should marry a white guy are SO FUNNY given the timing of the minor scandal re: Hasan Minhaj maybe just straight up making things up entirely in his comedy and SPECIFICALLY getting that poor woman doxxed by claiming she dumped him for racist reasons. I'M JUST SAYING. (editor's note: since absolved of all wrongdoing and the woman who wrote that piece is genuinely unhinged, but the timing was still BANANAS.)

the :(

I'm just gonna say it, man: I'm not into Colman Domingo's Bruce/Batman performance at all. I don't know what happened behind the scenes to precipitate Winston Duke leaving the role, but god fuck I'm in mourning. Duke is genuinely one of my favorite portrayals of Bruce ever for his distinctive Batman voice and how much expressiveness, vulnerability, and warmth he brings to the character, and while I wouldn't want his replacement to try and mimic that performance exactly (impossible!) it seems like Domingo just... wasn't even given the memo? this is a much flatter Bruce, and I simply cannot love him.

re: my complaints about Nadira above, her character is just handled in a really underwhelming way. having Eddie repeatedly call her "sis" is stumbling straight into the one of the worst of all lazy exposition techniques, especially since Bruce works his way to that exact revelation, like would it have killed anyone to just... let us wonder about the connection a *little* longer? also, again, those flashbacks are ARTLESS. in Unburied there's framing and context for all of the ways the past blends into the present, whether it's Strange's recordings or the story taking place inside Bruce's own meddled memories. it really feels like they're just hurling backstory at us with a catapult in this one.

the ultimate big bad reveal is... ugh. UGH. Unburied was a really cool nesting doll of a minor Batman villain being manipulated by a more well-known villain being manipulated by an A-list villain with a cool and unique spin on her backstory... Secrets in the Dark has an absolutely WASTED member of the Batfamily used as a killer of the week, controlled by a minor dirty cop and a complete OC who doesn't get much screentime at all. cool!

also hey listen. as soon as they start going "hmm... I don't know this is just too big for Flass... SOMEONE else must be helping him..." it's like. I don't know, man. do you think it's possibly the only new character introduced in the series who we know was just elected to a government position? do you think maybe that's who it could be?

also hey man speaking of which they just fucking. they just used Jean Paul as a random deranged serial killer and then the fucking Riddler managed to convince him to off himself. fucking. disrespectful. this feels like that episode of Arrow (sorry to cite Arrow in 2023, I know) when Helena's just like. an antagonist of the week for Oliver to fight. disrespectful!!!!

"Makenzie I thought you didn't even like Jean Paul why does it matter" I'M COMING AROUND ON HIM

overall the plot just feels way more hectic and unpolished than Unburied and it's Unfortunate!

also hey do you remember at the end of Unburied where Bruce just casually blows the lid open on Eddie being afraid that he's like. devolving and actively losing his grip on his own brain and it's like extra bad and scary because he has no idea whether it really means anything when he passes psych evals, etc? really cool how we never really brought that up again

where was Ace :( :( :( my good boy :( :( :(

[stubblesandwich]

Slice Of Life

A Captain Swan & Captain Cobra fanfic, written for @pirateprincessofpizza for @cssecretsanta2020.

Rated: General

Words: 6,000+ (I knoowww, I'm sorry 🙈)

Author's Note: Merry Christmas, Pirate! I'm SO SORRY this is a few days late. 🙃 Forgive me. I hope the fact that it's so darn long helps soften the blow of its lateness. This is actually going to be part one of a series I'd like to do, completely inspired by your username/enduring admiration for pizza, as well as your desire for more "slice of life" scenes, surrounding different points in Emma and Killian's relationship as it grows through the seasons. Each story will feature pizza in some way or another, because pizza is great, despite what other pirates might think to the contrary. 👀

Anyway!! Merry (belated) Christmas, my dear! I loved getting to know you through our long messages, and I hope you find this fic to be at least semi heart warming. I had fun writing it, and I look forward to continuing it with a second chapter set in the 6-week era of peace in S4. 👀👀

This one is set during season 3B, with Emma trying to juggle having a good relationship with her son and make an attempt at normal in the times of the Wicked Witch--by having a shared dinner with Captain Hook, obviously. Set some evening post-Neal's death but before poor Killian has his lips cursed.

AO3 link here if that's easier ✌🏻

+++

Life is made up of moments, her father had once told her. Good ones. Bad ones. But they're all worth living. 

And this, right here? This is a good moment. 

The town, for once, is quiet. 

No new flying monkey bite victims. Nothing from the Wicked Witch. And while all nefarious villains are undoubtedly planning and plotting more nefarious deeds, tonight, Emma Swan does not care about any of that. (She doesn't even sort of care.) 

What she cares about is the black-clad, self-proclaimed scoundrel sitting across from her whose more nefarious days seem to be tucked away behind him for safe keeping. The black-clad scoundrel currently looking at her like a confused puppy, slight head tilt included. 

"And what, pray tell, is pizza?" he asks, as he reaches for his mug of beer. Granny's been trying out a few new brews on tap (that Emma is pretty sure some of the dwarves have been concocting illegally, but she doesn't have the mental capacity to check into that any further at present) and has roped Killian into taste testing one of them for her.  Killian, never one to see a lady in peril, needed no arm twisting and was happy to oblige. "I gather it's valuable in this realm, if you would stoop to homicide to attain a slice of it." 

Sometimes she truly can't tell if he's messing with her, when he talks like that. The internal lie detector she'd developed as a child to tell when another foster parent or sibling was bullshitting her, then honed as an adult to tell when even worse people were bullshitting her, sometimes gets a little fuzzy around this particular man. (Or she quite possibly gets distracted by his face and the way he tends to stand so close to her. Who’s to say, really.)  It's what she would blame, if pressed, for why she left him up on that beanstalk oh so long ago.

(Which is something she is very grateful he has never brought up again.) 

It's definitely not the fact that he stands so much farther into her personal bubble than literally anyone else on the planet, or the fact that he watches her with those insanely intense eyes of his, gaze fixed on her in that knowing way like he not only sees her, but he gets her, reads her like a book sitting out and open on a coffee table. It's incredibly unnerving. But what's even more unnerving is how she is finding that the longer she knows him, the less she really seems to mind. 

Sometimes, she feels like he stepped straight out of a Jane Austen novel, when he talks like that, and she can't tell if he's hamming it up on purpose. She's very well aware he's not from this time, or realm, or whatever. She never actually forgets that—how could she?—but she almost forgets, sometimes. Until moments like now, when he's staring at her like a quizzical puppy. A puppy who apparently doesn't know what pizza is. 

There's a little bit of beer foam on his upper lip, caught in his mustache, which she's always noticed is just a little darker, just a little more pronounced than the rest of the stubble dusting his jawline. She's wondered before if that's where the silly mustache comes from, on the cartoon version of Captain Hook from the Peter Pan cartoon. (Not that Emma has spent an inordinate amount of time admiring the artfulness of his facial hair, God no. And there's definitely no intrusive thoughts of licking said beer foam off his upper lip, no, definitely not. That's never happened to her before and it's definitely not happening now.)

All she'd said, grumbled beneath her breath as she stared at the menu she had memorized, was that she'd kill for a decent slice of pizza right about now. A perfectly normal bit of hyperbole. 

His bright eyes dance, trained on her as they so often are, but the hint of a smirk pushing at his lips is masked by his mug as he takes a sip of his beer. He licks his lip, and just like that, the foam is gone, and takes with it the distraction it was causing her. 

"Wait, hold on, back up,” she says, as if finally registering the words he’d actually said.  “You've seriously never had pizza before?" She's not sure why it surprises her, really. Nothing should surprise her by now. But pizza? Come on. Everybody’s had pizza. 

He just raises his eyebrows at her. "It's some form of food, I gather?"

She huffs a little laugh. "Yes, it's food." 

It's at that moment that Henry reappears from his trip to the bathroom and slides in next to her. Something in her heart clicks back into place as he tucks in next to her. "What's food? Did you order something yet? I'm starving." 

"You heard the lad," Hook says, and something in Emma's heart tugs like a bite on a fishing line at the way his eyes soften as he looks at her son. "What will it be, Swan? This pizza that has you so up in arms and calling for blood?" He says "pizza" like he's trying the word out, two distinct syllables that sound foreign to him. 

Henry just blinks up at him, and Emma explains, "He's never had pizza before." 

Her son's eyes bug out in unfiltered shock. "What?" 

"I know," Emma says, in a what-can-you-do sort of tone, as she reaches across and snags Hook's mug of beer from him. She can feel him watching her, and she pointedly does not look back at him as she takes a sip from it. The home brew is thick, and hoppy, and.... Emma smacks her lips a few times. "That's actually... not bad." 

Hook shrugs with one shoulder. "I've certainly had worse." 

"I've never seen you drink something that wasn't out of your flask," she comments wryly. 

With one fluid motion, he reaches across their table and steals his mug back from her, taking another sip. Kissing, her brain blurts out for thankfully only her to hear. Share a drink and it's like you're kissing was the old playground tease from her childhood. Eagerly and yet very unhelpfully, her brain then supplies her with an image of the first time she'd kissed this particular man, in a hot, sweaty, evil magic jungle, and something low in her stomach bursts open like a big, hot balloon. Get it together, Swan, she chides herself. 

Thankfully, Hook doesn't seem to notice that she's having an internal error of some kind, and simply says, "Contrary to popular opinion, Swan, I'm actually a fairly well traveled and well rounded individual with many refined tastes." 

"If you say so.” She finds herself leaning a little closer to him as his foot bumps hers beneath the table. 

"But you've never had pizza before?" Henry asks, still so very very confused about how on earth someone can just go about life never having eaten his favorite food before. Stumped, Killian just stares at the boy, frowning slightly. Emma comes in for the save. 

"Well, then, let's change that tonight, shall we?" she says, with a can-do attitude rivaling that of her mother. "That settles it. Let's order a pizza." Her flicks to Hook. "Unless you had other plans for dinner?" 

"I am at your beck and call tonight, my lady," he says, and though the innuendo in his tone is only mildly implied for the sake of her son sitting across from him, Emma still can't help but roll her eyes. 

"Can we get fries?" Henry asks hopefully, and Emma can't help but smile at him. 

"I was thinking onion rings. But sure, kid. Fries it is." 

"Get both," Hook suggests casually. "Dinner's on me." 

"No, it's fine," Emma insists, "I got it."

"It makes no difference to me, love." 

"Do you even have money?" She's never stopped to think about it before, how he's getting around, how he's been paying for a room here or what he's been using to buy food. It's such an obvious question, and yet she's never thought to ask him. 

"You have no idea what the exchange rate is for gold in this town," he says simply, as he takes another sip of his beer, and she raises her brows at him. 

"Okay, well, that's a question for later," she says. "Good to know." A better sheriff would look into that further, all the presumably stolen gold and other treasures he has in his possession, and the people in town so willing to turn a blind eye and take it as payment, but it's literally the least pressing problem in her life at this point. It's not even a problem; she has no way to prove he's stolen anything, and even if she did, she finds she just doesn't care. The fact that he has any number of gold pieces and random treasures on him at any given point in time with which to pay for goods and services is… oddly endearing. 

But, she probably should pay for her own dinner. Otherwise, he might get the wrong idea about what this dinner is. "I've got it," she says again, a finality in her voice with which he decides not to argue further. 

"If the lady insists." 

Henry, bored of their conversation, has been staring down  at the laminated menu in front of him. "What do you like on your pizza, Killian? Well, I guess you wouldn't know that. What do you think you'd like on it? Pepperoni, bacon, Canadian bacon–which is just ham–mushrooms, extra cheese--" he rattles on a list of all the available toppings, still staring at his menu, and completely misses the look that comes over Hook's face when Henry uses his given name. Emma, blessedly, had looked over at him at just the right moment, just when Henry had said "Killian", and beheld for herself the way Hook's whole face had softened. 

"Pardon?" Killian says, clearly confused. "I'm still not quite sure what it is we're ordering." 

"All right, Henry, help the poor guy out," Emma says. "Define pizza. Go.” 

Henry shakes his head, incredulous as he stares at Hook. "Wow. You're like, Amish or something." 

At that, Emma can't help the laugh that bursts out of her. Killian Jones could not possibly be further from an Amish person if he tried. For his part, Hook just frowns, mouths Amish? to himself.

"Okay," Henry goes on, "You have the crust, which is basically like bread." He holds out a hand horizontally, then stacks his other hand on top of it, alternating them with each layer he describes. "Then the sauce. Then a bunch of cheese, melted. Then whatever you want on top. Mom and I usually get the supreme, no green peppers, extra bacon, extra mushrooms. But we can get whatever you want. What do you like?" 

Killian just looks at him, flabbergasted. "Supreme is fine, I'm sure," he finally says. Emma would feel a little bad for him if this wasn't so damn funny. 

"Cool." Henry snaps his menu shut and sets it aside before turning back to his mother. "Can I get a milkshake?" 

"Definitely not," Emma says. "You had that donut at the station earlier, remember?" 

"Oh yeah," Henry mumbles, disappointed. 

It doesn't matter though, because when it comes to her son and sugar, no one in this town seems to listen to her. Ruby automatically brings out a hot chocolate with cinnamon on top and sets it in front of Henry without even asking permission. "Sorry," she says off Emma's look, sounding distinctly not sorry, "On the house. Granny insisted." 

"Thanks," Emma says wryly, sounding distinctly not thankful. 

"How's the beer?" Ruby asks Killian, who smiles up at her politely. 

"Very good. My hat's off to whichever dwarf concocted it." 

"That would be Bashful. Though he's too shy to take credit for it." 

"I imagine so," Killian says with a smirk. 

"Dwarf?" Henry asks, confused. 

Crap, Emma thinks, and tries to think on her feet, "Uh, the mining crew in town gave each other funny nicknames. Right, Ruby?" She shoots Killian a look, and he has the good sense to look abashed at his slip up. 

Ruby's eyes are wide, as if she also completely forgot they were supposed to be a completely normal town in front of Henry. "Right! They're funny that way. Anyway, I'll tell him you liked it. And I'll tell Granny to keep it on tap." She pulls out an order pad from the half apron at her waist. "What'll it be, folks?" 

"Well," Emma starts, "Killian's never tried pizza before..." 

"So we're going to change his life tonight," Henry finishes for her. 

Ruby, expectedly, shares in their shock. "Never had pizza?" She stares down at the pirate like he's suddenly grown an extra head. "What are you, lactose intolerant or something?"

"Excuse me?" Hook asks, as the mountain of his confusion just continues to grow ever taller. 

"He's just not from around here," Emma reminds Ruby pointedly, and a look of understanding washes over her. 

"Ah, right," Ruby says, "I forgot. Okay, yeah, let's change a life tonight! Pizza it is. What'll you have on it?" 

"Supreme is fine," Emma says, and Henry pipes up to add, "No green peppers, please. Extra mushrooms and bacon.” Ruby writes it down, along with the side orders, and promises to be back soon with a batch of fresh onion rings for the table. 

A comfortable silence befalls them. Killian seems relaxed, Emma notices, as he lounges against the wall, and she's surprised to find herself settling comfortably into the booth, as well. This is... nice. They haven't really had a chance to do this, her and Henry, and just hang out with someone else from her life. She's had to dance around so many things with her son, dodge so many questions, hide things and explain (read: lie) things away, with his memories gone. It's been exhausting, frankly. But, since he already knows Killian, spent an entire road trip from New York to Maine in a small car with him, this has felt fairly easy. And Henry seems to like Hook. A lot. 

But Emma should have known that this was going too well. 

"So, Killian," Henry says after a minute, having sampled his hot chocolate and found it satisfactory. "You're not from around here?" Emma's chest clenches in anxiety at whatever he's about to ask next. Please don't ask him how he lost his hand, Emma begs from behind the bars of her brain. She's not sure she can handle the amount of ducking and weaving THAT particular conversation would take. 

“That’s right,” Killian hedges, eying Henry closely, though he still looks completely at ease and prepared for whatever might possibly fall out of her son’s mouth next. 

“Are you from Great Britain? Like, England?” 

It’s almost imperceptible, the way Hook’s gaze darts to Emma before he takes another swig of his beer, and she steps in with an answer. 

“Uh, yeah,” Emma says, affecting a tone that makes her sound semi-sure but also looking to Killian for clarification, “London, right?” 

He takes the answer she hands him on a silver platter and nods easily. “That’s right. What gave me away?” 

Henry rolls his eyes, but any rudeness behind the gesture is dissipated with the smirk he attaches to it. “Uh, the accent, mostly.” 

“Ah,” Killian says with a wink. “Well, guilty as charged.” 

Emma’s not sure if they even have a version of London in the Enchanted Forest, or whatever part of that realm Killian is actually from. She vaguely remembers the Peter Pan film being set in London—probably?—but that’s about it. 

There’s a little wooden peg game hiding behind the napkin dispenser on their table, pressed up against the wall. One of those little pieces of wood with holes drilled into it, with little pegs you’re supposed to jump over each other until there is only one left. Emma knows for a fact that each of the booths has one, and that they were each hand carved by Marco. Henry watches as Hook toys with it, jumps a few pegs over each other, and Emma’s heart gives a little squeeze as Henry asks, “Do you know how to play that?”

Learning to play that simple, weirdly addictive little game was one of the staples of their Granny’s dates, in the first year she lived in Storybrooke. Every time they would sit and eat together, without fail, Henry would pull out the little piece of wood from behind the napkin dispenser and move the little pegs around. Emma caught herself doing it a few times, too, even when Henry wasn’t with her. Just stabbing the little golf tee picks into their tiny holes while she waited for her food. It was weirdly satisfying and oddly addicting. 

And now Henry has forgotten it. 

For all the memories they share of their “pretty good” life back in the big city, she knows there are a dozen more here, in this quiet, strange, terrifying little town. And while she wouldn’t trade that year she had with just her and Henry for anything in the world, she can’t help but grieve the loss of the memories she made with him here, in Storybrooke.

Hook’s voice pulls her out of her thoughts. “Aye. Want me to teach you?” 

Of course he knows how to play the silly little peg game. She watches as he explains, simply, the right strategy to win in the fewest moves. Hook slides the piece of wood over to Henry, who takes it and flips it around, eager to try for himself.

Perhaps emboldened by the fact that he doesn’t have to look at Hook when he asks, and can instead stare down at the little wooden pegs, Henry asks, as casually as possible, “So, how’d you lose your hand?” 

“Henry,” Emma starts. She can’t help the sound of a scold that wraps around her tone. 

“It’s fine,” Killian says easily, though this time he doesn’t look at Emma to give an answer for him. His left arm had been relaxing across his lap; he shifts, and brings his forearm up to rest on the table. For the most part, he had taken to wearing his prosthetic hand around Henry, in lieu of the hook. Emma and her son both can’t help but stare at it as Killian rests it on the table. 

If she’s honest, Emma misses the hook. If she’s honest, she never really actually thinks of Hook as an amputee. She’s seen him make a few creative alterations to movements more able-bodied people would traditionally use two hands for, sure. Using  his teeth to pull a cork from its bottle, or to sexily tie a scarf around her bleeding hand, for one. 

She knows he’s missing a hand. Logically, she knows this. She called him “Hook” 99.9% of the time, until she had to stop when Henry was around. It rolled off her tongue so easily, and several times, she’s had to stop herself from blurting it out in front of Henry. But it’s almost as if half the time it doesn’t even register in her brain that there are some things he can’t do as easily or as quickly as other people.

Now, as she stares down at the leather-wrapped prosthetic on the table in front of her, she finds herself missing the namesake to his more colorful moniker. To her utter horror, when she realizes she’s been very obviously staring, she glances up at Hook’s face, and she finds he’s been watching her for a while now. Emma feels heat pool in her cheeks instantly, and she leans back. But graciously, Killian only smiles softly at her, seeming, yet again, to read her thoughts easily. As if he knows she misses the hook. The bastard has the audacity to wink at her. 

Oblivious to the unspoken conversation happening right beside him between his mom and the strange man across from him, Henry pipes up, “If you don’t want to talk about it, you don’t have to.” He sounds nervous, like he realizes the gravity of his social blunder and suddenly wants to give Killian an out. “Really. I… I’m sorry I asked.” He shoots an apologetic look to Emma, who tries her best to look stern. 

There’s a moment of silence that stretches out between them where Emma genuinely doesn’t know what Hook is going to say next. So many directions this conversation could go, so many versions of the truth, the unbelievable truth, that he could go with. Emma is very aware that she’s holding her breath, but she can’t seem to let it go until Killian says something. It’s the one thing in this moment she feels like she has control over. 

“Truth be told, lad,” Killian finally says on the end of a sigh, “It happened so long ago, I hardly remember what it’s like having two hands.” 

Emma releases the air she’d been holding captive in her lungs, and in place of the tightness in her airway comes a little pang in her heart. She knows this story, but she’s never asked him about this story. They’ve never talked about that moment, just the two of them, when Milah was murdered right in front of him, and then he had his hand cut off. It’s horrible, truly. She takes the horror of it for granted, and she suddenly very much does not want Henry to hear this story, even in whatever veiled shape Hook wants to tell it. It’s Killian’s story, his hand that was lost, and it’s his right to tell Henry whatever he wants about it. Emma’s heart grieves for this man before her and the tremendous losses that have shaped him. But she does not want her son to hear this story. She’s not even sure she wants to hear this story. 

Life has softened Emma too much, she fears, because while she imagines herself as being quite tough and immune to the awfulness of the world, she knows these feelings are showing quite clearly on her face and in her eyes, which are shining just a little brighter as she watches Hook. He looks up abruptly, meeting her gaze, and her heart leaps like she’s just been jump scared. 

“So you were just a kid when it happened?” Henry asks, and Hook huffs out a little laugh through his nose. 

“Not exactly, no.” 

Henry frowns. “I don’t understand.” 

Emma doesn’t envy either of them in this moment, but she especially does not envy Hook, whom she watches with nothing but sympathy. 

And in the end, Hook goes for the blunt, almost-truth of the matter. “Lost it to a Crocodile.” When he looks up at Henry, it’s with a smirk playing across his features. One that Emma sees right through. 

Henry’s mouth falls open in shock, like that was literally the last thing he was expecting Killian to say. “No way! Seriously? A crocodile bit your hand off?” 

Even Hook can’t disguise the smile—a genuine one, this time—that comes over his face at Henry’s utter, boyish exuberance at this answer. Emma’s heart swells an extra size, watching them. Of course Henry would think that was awesome, the idea of someone’s hand getting bitten off by what is essentially a modern-day dinosaur. “Aye,” Hook says, shooting Emma a knowing glance. “As I said, I lost my hand to a Crocodile.” 

“What, like in Australia or something?” Henry asks. 

“Something like that.” 

The beauty of this moment is that Hook doesn’t even really have to lie to Henry. He seemingly doesn’t have to do anything more than slightly bend the truth; Henry’s too amped up to even listen to the full answers to his questions, and Killian can continue to dole out the most vague answers on the planet. 

“Did you live there?” Henry asks. “When you were a kid?” 

“Lad, I’ve lived in and seen more places than I care to count,” Hook says, with a gleam in his eyes, “And none of them, I assure you, are more interesting and alluring than this very town.” 

Emma doesn’t imagine his gaze flitting over to her when he says the word “alluring”. She knows she doesn’t. And yet, he’s so quick about it, keeping his focus entirely on her son, that she can’t be sure. 

“Really?” Henry asks, dubious. “This town? Storybrooke?” 

“Aye,” Killian says, “I promise you, my boy. There’s more to this place than meets the eye. You just have to be willing to see, for yourself.” 

It’s the kind of answer an old, wizened Santa Claus would tell a kid in a Christmas movie about a town that was secretly the North Pole or something. It’s probably the corniest thing she’s ever heard him say that wasn’t a pickup line. And yet, Emma is surprised to find warmth prick her eyes at his attempt to make Henry feel more at home here, more interested in this town that her city boy son has written off entirely as Boringville, USA. And she gets that—she really does. She didn’t exactly think Storybrooke was hip-hop and happenin’ when she first rolled into town, either. 

Then again, she also didn’t think it was full of fairytale characters. Literal royalty from another realm. Evil queens with magic. Humanoid crickets, for God’s sake. Henry’s family is here. Whether he knows it or not, everyone in this town knows him, and so many of those people love him, would die for him in a heartbeat. And while she can’t pretend she isn’t ready to take him back to New York City the second this is all over, it hurts her heart that he doesn’t even remember those people. 

All talk of special towns and missing hands cease, however, as Ruby returns and sets a massive, loaded pizza in front of them. 

Emma has the satisfaction of watching Hook’s eyes go wide. And whatever she expected him to say, it isn’t the ineloquent, “Whoa,” that falls from his mouth. Emma and Ruby both can’t help but laugh at him. 

“Looks pretty great, huh?” Henry says, already grabbing himself a plate and eying the slice he wants. 

“One life-changing pizza, as ordered!” Ruby says with a grin. “Prepare to be dazzled, Captain.” 

Henry looks over at Emma, mouthing Captain?

“Navy,” Emma whispers, thinking quick on her feet. Henry shrugs and starts piling his plate up with pizza. He carefully positions his chosen slices to make room for the fries that Ruby sets in front of him. 

“There we go, folks,” Ruby says, leaning back with her hand on her hip to inspect the table. “Anything else we need? Refill on that beer, Killian?” 

Emma gives a mental tip of her hat to Ruby for how easily the name Killian rolls off her tongue, like she’s said it a thousand times. Hook, for his part, looks momentarily taken aback that she even knows his given name. “Uh, yes,” he says, “Sure, I’ll take another.” 

It’s a true delight, Emma finds, to see one of the most eloquent, loquacious people she knows (next to Gold, probably, which is a noticed similarity she will not be sharing with Hook) so continuously dumbfounded. It brings her great joy, actually, to keep seeing him rendered speechless by such average things.  

“Sure thing.” Ruby nods and reaches over to snatch up his empty mug. “Coming right up.” 

Ruby leaves, and Emma shakes her head at the absurdity of it all. A werewolf, giving a refill to a pirate of a beer that was illegally home brewed by a dwarf. What even is her life anymore? These are the things she didn’t even know she was missing in New York. Not for the first time, there’s a pang in her heart as she wishes she could share in the joke with Henry. She looks over at her son, watches him squirt ketchup over his fries like he’s trying to torture information out of them. Something of these thoughts must show on her face, because after a moment, she feels a little bump on the toe of her boot. When she looks up, Killian is looking at her, his expression soft, and he offers her a small smile. 

It’ll be all right, Swan, his eyes seem to say, and she feels herself relax a fraction. She smiles back at him, thankful. 

Whatever moment that’s happening between them is interrupted by Henry. “Killian,” he says, though the name is turned to absolute mush by the food in his mouth, “Pizza!” 

“Good Lord,” Emma says, shaking her head at him, “Who raised you, kid? Don’t talk with your mouth so full.” 

Henry takes a few gulps from his Sprite, swallowing it all down. “Ah, sorry. I said, ‘Killian, pizza.’”

Hook, for his part, looks thoroughly amused. “Yes, lad, I’d gathered that.” He looks down at their gigantic round entree with what can only be described as suspicion. “Do I just dig in then? No forks with you savages?” 

Emma huffs a laugh. “Only weirdos eat pizza with a fork.” Though, as she watches Henry hang onto a particularly large piece with two hands, she adds, “Unless that’s easier for you. Then be as weird as you want.” 

Killian waves off any concern on her part with a flick of his hand. “When in Storybrooke, eat as the Storybrookians do and all that.”  He slips a slice of pizza off the stand, letting it fall onto a plate with an audible plop, which he frowns down at. 

“Storybrookians?” Emma laughs. “No way. There’s got to be something better than that out there.” 

Hook shrugs, quirking a brow at her. “I’ll have to check with the mayor.” 

“She’s nice,” Henry pipes up, mouth blessedly less full this time. “She took me out for ice cream.” 

Emma and Hook, for what feels like the thousandth time this evening, swap glances. Henry, too engrossed in his pizza, doesn’t seem to notice. Moments later, when Ruby returns with Killian’s beer, being the spectacular mind reader she apparently is, she also comes bearing another Sprite for Henry and a second iced tea for Emma. 

“You’re amazing,” Emma tells her. 

“I know,” Ruby responds with a wink. “I’ll come check on you guys in a bit. If you need anything, just give a whistle.” She turns on her heel and heads back toward the kitchen, leaving them alone with their life-changing pizza. 

“All right,” Emma says, and her tone sings time���s up, buddy. “Eat up or shut up.” 

Killian chuckles, shaking his head at her. “That the saying, is it?” 

“Yup,” Emma says, popping the “P” on the end. “Sure is. Pizza time. Time to really become a man of the times.” Hook eyes the loaded slice of pizza on his plate skeptically, and Emma thinks of young Simba right before he tried a grub for the first time. “Hakuna matata, pal.” 

Henry, immediately getting the reference, laughs loudly at her side, and Emma beams. Hook looks between the two of them, once again a confused, eyeliner-wearing puppy. The poor man shakes his head, as if he’s just completely done trying to understand everything they say, and as they continue to snicker at his expense, he reaches down, scoops up his slice of pizza with his hand, and takes a bite of it. The thing is so loaded up with toppings that a few black olives abandon ship and fall back down to the plate with a soft tink. 

They both watch him expectantly. Hook, being the good sport he is, lets them stare at them while he eats. He swallows, then washes the rest of it down with a swig of beer. 

Emma and Henry give him a solid three seconds before they say, simultaneously, “Well?” 

“I’ve certainly had worse, by way of sustenance.” Hook says, shrugging, and they both groan. 

“Are you kidding me?” Emma says. “You try pizza for the first time and that’s all you have to say about it? You’ve had better?” 

“I believe what I said was that I’ve had worse food, Swan,” Hook clarifies, pointing at her with the prosthetic hand, “Which is a compliment.” 

“In what realm is that a compliment?” 

“He’s right,” comes Henry’s sigh. “This pizza is mid at best.” 

Mid? Killian mouths to Emma. She shrugs, for once just as lost as he is. 

“The pizza back in New York is way better,” Henry says, and Emma can’t argue with that. 

“He’s right. New York City does pizza like you wouldn’t believe.” 

“Yeah,” Henry says, “Remember the cart guy by our apartment that would sell it by the slice?” 

“Yes!” Emma cries. “Pizza Phil!” 

“You bought pizza from a man in a cart?” Killian asks, looking truly befuddled, clearly envisioning some kind of horse and buggy roadside pizza situation in the congested streets of New York City. 

“Not that kind of cart,” Emma clarifies with a smile. “Like a little… stand, I guess. He’d make it there, in this brick oven on wheels thing he had, and then he’d just sell it by the slice.” 

“It was awesome,” Henry says emphatically. “Best pizza in town. Sometimes Mom would let me have it for breakfast on our way to school.” 

“Yeah, well,” Emma says wryly, “Those weren’t exactly my best mothering moments. Sometimes we overslept, and pizza for breakfast it was.” 

“I disagree,” Henry says around his straw, as he finishes off the last of his second Sprite. Another not great mothering moment, Emma thinks to herself. But tonight is a special night. Henry goes on, “I think those were actually your best mothering moments.” 

“And this cart man’s pizza was better?” Hook asks, slowly, making a very valiant effort to keep up with them. “Back in New York City?” 

“New York pizza has a thinner crust,” Emma explains. “So you get more of the cheese and toppings. It’s pretty great.” 

“The best,” Henry asserts. “I wish we could have had you try it before we came here.” There’s something wistful in his tone that hurts Emma’s heart. She knows full well the bagels, pizza, and honestly food in general in Storybrooke leave much to be desired, and that her son misses the big city. She wants to make it up to him, somehow. He’s been so patient with her, through all this, and so trusting, and her heart swells with affection for him. 

“Alas,” Hook says, with a wry look to Emma, “My experience with New York City cuisine leaves much to be desired.” Vaguely, she remembers something about barbaric brigs and being force fed something called bologna. She shakes her head at him, though she doesn’t even bother trying to hide her laughter. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Emma says with a roll of her eyes. “All right, so we’re not as well-traveled as you are. Sue us. We’re simple folk. We like our pizza.” 

“And I will not begrudge you for that, Swan.” 

“Are there any other pizza places in town?” Henry pipes up.

“I don’t… actually know,” Emma says, glancing at Hook, who shrugs. 

“We should definitely find out,” Henry says. “We gotta try everything this town has to offer while we’re here, and compare it to back home.” 

Emma’s heart squeezes. She can feel Killian’s eyes on her, but she knows if she looks at him, she’s going to lose the battle against the tears suddenly pricking her eyes. Her voice is a little husky when she answers  with, “Yeah, kid. Sure thing.” 

“You’ll come with us?” Henry asks, looking to Hook. “Be brave again, try some more pizza?” 

Hook chuckles lowly, but nods and says, “I think I can be brave, Henry."

“Good,” Henry says, and the grin that lights up her son’s face makes Emma’s breath catch in her throat. He has the best smile, and she hasn’t seen it enough lately. 

They finish their pizza, or as much of it as they can eat, with Henry making the biggest dent. Hook, brave as he is, finishes his slice, and then dares to go for a second, which Emma counts as a win. She doesn’t keep Henry up too late, but they stay late into the evening, much later than Emma had originally intended when she took her son to Granny’s for a hot chocolate and offered to buy Hook a beer. 

And for the first time in a long time, with wicked green witches, curses, her son’s missing memories, and flying monkeys abounding, a peace settles into Emma’s heart. And for the first time in a long time, at least for this moment, she truly feels like everything really is going to be okay. 

[brucethegirl]

Fave season of ouat. And y. Go. (Mine is 3 bc that’s when you see hooks softer/ but still flirtier side and the relationship growing). Although 5-6 come very close bc they are stronger and the proposal and wedding. Ahhhh. But omg when he asked for David’s blessing. That ep had me. But all the kissing in season 3. Oh wait, there’s other people other than hook and Emma in ouat? Nah.

Oh gosh.... (edit: i wrote like two paragraphs of this before realizing you just asked general favorite season, not favorite CS season, but I still turned this into a CS post.)

Season 2 is not bad. There's so much there for background to understand where emma was coming from, versus season 1 which was mostly us as viewers learning who everyone was in the enchanted forest and how the story we know was being reinterpreted. Now it was learning where Emma was coming from, where Killian comes into the picture and some of his background, where Cora comes from which lays the groundwork for how she raised Regina and where she is coming from. How they became the people they became today, the steps of their recent history. The continuous choices and situations that led them to where they were when they all came together. I love straight up evil Killian. It's fun. Him trusting her immediately, him being sassy flirty, him saying "just a I'm done with you" (pssh, okay my guy). but at the end, despite it being good writing, I'm just okay about it. I mean yea its got Tallahassee.... but I also am not a fan of how they handled the neal/emma relationship when they were young. Michael Raymond-James is NOTICEABLY an older man well into his 30s, and I could buy him being a rough 20 something, but Emma is VERY MUCH meant to be late teens and that entire casting situation and its implications followed by the pushing in later seasons for her to be with Neal by her family just makes me so very uncomfortable.

Three is honestly such a fair choice. I love season 3 with Hook starting to realize he needs to change and wants to change. But also still actively having to purge his villain tendencies. Rolling his eyes while volunteering to help Belle research. His snarky comments constantly that no one laughs at cause they're a little on the meaner side. But also the way he and Emma so automatically can read each other. She just has to tilt her head or nod and he knows what she wants him to do. The longing looks, the declarations. Nothing beats "when I win your heart, and I will win it. It will be because you want me" NOTHING. "I'm in this for the long haul" after saying he'll back off to give Henry the chance at a family, and won't inject himself into that. But also knows Neal will mess it up, knows he'll be on the sidelines for the second of an oppertunity. Knows that he DOES stand a valid chance if he wanted to fight. Like, just fuck me up. The shift in Regina's character and how she learns to become good, how that is different from Hook's journey but they both recognize it being the same journey. Her teaming up with Rumple to fnd Henry and it markedly NOT being villains teaming up, but her willing to do anything to save her son and the second she realizes its no good, she's gone. Learning more about the emotional backstory and early character moments in their lives, Hook, Emma, and Regina especially. Learning the complicate pasts, and seeing the steps they took to get here. I feel like actual writing wise- its the strongest season for them. Its also go the best lines. Like Regina and Robin also is SO GOOD in the flashbacks and I forever regret not getting more of them in that weird flirty hate each other stage but what we did get was SO GOOD. "Where you come from, they bath in the river and use pine cones for money" Lana... ma'am.... that is THE BEST LINE in the entire show for me. This season had all the potential, and for that it gets a lot of points. A lot of what was built didn't get delivered on as well as it should have, but that's not the foundations fault. And this season was the foundation.

Season 4 is prime them in love. I love the relationship part of most shows when they handle it well, and I think THAT aspect was handled well. Him obviously in love, her coming to terms with what that means. So much angst in a good way of him being the reason for some of the problems she has. Of him not having his heart. Of him realizing he can't keep making the same villain mistakes if he's going to be with her, if he's going to change. If he's going to be a better man. This is a great season just like... FOR him. You see the realizations that he's made these mistakes and he can't even blame his past self. His current self did this to himself. You see the beginnings of his self-loathing and how that builds the reasoning for the choices he makes. He's had his hook for centuries, he's learned how to work with it and around it. But for the date, the internalized ableism got the better of him, and he thought in order to be a better man, and the man she deserved, he needed to be 'whole.' Which is IMMeDIATELY disproved when she doesn't even realize he had his hand until its pointed out, and also doesn't notice its a hook again later because she loves HIM she sees HIM. Those outward shifts and changes are not important. She notices his clothing change because it represents so much more about him embracing this weird strange land and showing he's sticking around. But his hook? Well thats just part of him that she accepts because its part of him so when he changes it its not something she notices. (sorry, i have a LOT of feelings about this episode) And then the whole darkness inside him and the hand and him being a villain and being afraid of losing his happy ending. 4b is weak we all know that, but the emotions of it are so strong. "Don't you know Emma? It's you." MY GUYYYYYY. The kisses we got this season, the emotional leaps and bounds. Him admitting having her in his life is what keeps him on the side of the heroes. Him saying he hopes its his job to protect her heart even when no one is actively trying to steal it. Her discovering more about her past and really starting to share her history with someone, showing her past and being vulnerable with someone and allowing them to scale the fortress she's put up to protect herself. Learning that someone is there begging to be let in, and isn't going away, and even when she ignores him he says basically that he's not deterred so easily, she's worth it, he recognizes that, and he'll just wait patiently for her to be ready. He will always put her first. Will put her family first. Often at the expense of himself.

Now season 5. Look. Do I think its strong? No. It's some of the saddest writing (season 6 is the worst in my opinion) in that it had SO MUCH POTENTIAL. But it Never delivers it. Season 4 was their love story, so there's no need to focus so heavily on them in season 5, sometimes having them not even interact in scenes that make NO SENSE for them to not interact. Despite the fact that she's just told him she loved him before being taken over by the darkness and saying she trusts him to be able to reach her and save her. Despite the entire ARC being ABOUT THEM for BOTH HALVES, the actual day to day episode to episode is not about them at all. So little focused on them, on them interacting, on their story. It was such a mess. So much promise with so little delivery. Nothing was allowed to breath, nothing was allowed to sit, no one was allowed to have a single thought to work through what they were going through. He's evil for what? a single episode? and in the middle of it there's this entire hour about a character we don't know, with no one we care about, about something never mentioned again that holds zero bering on ANYTHING that happens or has happened. So much wasted time. I LOVE what 5 could have been. I LOVE the implications, and the shifts in narrative and expectation. I LOVE the discovery and acceptance of their relationship and the confirmations we get. I HATE nothing is ever discussed on screen. Everything is implied to happen off screen "like I told you" Did you tell her when the cameras were off? We're given nothing we should have. Everyone else is just set dressing, and yet have all the focus. Its disjointed and just lazy, and its only saving grace is whoever had the initial idea on the brain storm board and then the acting itself. But damn if this season doesn't give me inspiration.

Finally, season 6.... I'll leave at saying when its good, its great. All three singular scenes that are good. There's no follow through from whats already happened to these characters. There's no acknowledgment of their past selves, their past experiences. Hook is GENUINELY shocked that Emma understands why he didn't toss the shears knowing she'd hate him for doing 'the one thing that could save her' WHEN THAT WAS THE ENTIRE CLIMAX OF 5A!

All of this to say, I guess 3?

[inawearyworld]

little things in the wonka score/soundtrack that get me every time: a post made by a music major with severe brainrot (seriously it’s getting bad)

• even though i’m not sure how to feel abt what they did orchestrally to pure imagination when it was sung in full, i loved the way it was interwoven until then-the opening credits, the clock tower chiming its intro, etc

• when the intro to hatful of dreams ends and the instrumental HITS. that was the moment i was sitting in the theater like “…oh i’m going to be so charmed by this movie huh”

• something abt the way timmy sings “i’ve put everything i’ve got into my choc’late”. see above bullet point

• welcome to scrubbit’s has no right to be that much of a banger

• the low brass in scrub scrub HELLOOOOO?!?!? the chromatic slides. the muted trumpets. abacus’ bass moments (go off king). the song is literally about laundry and yet IT GOES SO HARD

• walk into the club on a friday night like FIRST YOU PICK UP THE APPAREL AND YOU

• the instrumental of ynhclt that plays while everyone’s flying is so cheesy and so golden-age-of-hollywood-children’s-musical and i cannot help but smile

• the cuh-lassic “one instrument at a time” opening of sweet tooth

• mathew baynton’s voice. that’s it that’s the bullet point.

• #GiveTheCartelMoreTight3PartHarmonies2k24

• well we’ve got lots and lots and lots and loTS AND LOTS AND LOWHY AM I SINGINGGGGGGG

• somethin about how the “noodle noodle” countermelody is a sort of arpeggiated outline of each chord, like a vocal warmup, like he’s letting her take the melody bc he knows she will in time. i’m gonna sob they’re literally family

• the orchestration of for a moment, esp while they’re dancing on the rooftop, just SOARS. idk if anyone here has seen mr magorium’s wonder emporium but that movie shaped my childhood, it’s probably my favorite film score ever, and this instrumental bit is SOOOO reminiscent of it

• clock tower. a fifty-second masterpiece

• CHOCOPOCALYPSE. (for those of us who were on the theatre kid side of the internet in 2018, i think chocopocalypse should be the new calculust. hear me out)

• mat’s voice gets a second bullet point bc what the hell man. literally the sonic embodiment of dark mint chocolate. h e l p m e

• …#fickelgruberisathinmint2k24

• noodle’s portion of ynhclt, while she’s teaching willy to read, has a few instrumental nods to mozart’s famous sonata in c, a typical piece for piano beginners-kids-to learn. in the 1971 film mrs teavee incorrectly identifies mozart as rachmaninoff. this MOVIE

• i wish there could have been more, and more involved/complex, ensemble vocal moments

• charlotte ritchie <3 (okay i’m biased sue me)

• the new orchestration for the oompa loompa song is straight fire

• the LEITMOTIFS the fucking LEITMOTIFS!!!!!!!! the opening fanfare that became the basis of hatful of dreams popping up here and there. the melody to a world of your own playing whenever he thinks of his mom. every time we think willy’s safe from the cartel, ope there’s that descending major sixth again.

• (now that i think about it. sweet tooth is in g major of all keys, rather atypical of a villain song. most of the intervals are major too. it’s the trembling strings that give it that “evil” sound. and it fits so well-like, “we’re not completely immoral! time for a fun little tango! there’s colorful lights! killthisguyplsOH LOOK CONFETTI!” they’re so sinister i love it)

• the way that the intro to a world of your own echoes the intro to pure imagination

• THE ORCHESTRATION DURING “chocolate bushes, chocolate trees” etc AND THE WAY IT BUILDS OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOD. MY HEART JUST BURSTS. EVERY TIME. I AM NOT IMMUNE TO CHEESY MUSICALS.

• the!! chromatic!! basslines!! in!! that!! song!!!!!!!!

• the fact that the bridge comes before the second verse-name any other songs where that happens i dare you. just another example of willy changing the narrative in every way

• the fact that sorry noodle is AN ENTIRE *OTHER* COUNTERMELODY that then falls back into the for a moment melody at the end what the FUUUUUUUUUUUCK

• the monks chanting “giraffe. a massive giraffe”. so fucking funny

• stripping down pure imagination to its essence while willy sings it to noodle was a thousand percent the right decision. and the lyric changes for the situation are sooooooo clever

• as someone who grew up with the 71 movie and has been utterly enamored with its music her whole life, i’m not the world’s hugest fan of this version’s pure imagination orchestration; i get they felt they had to do something different, it just feels slightly too modern/disneyesque, but it had the vibe that they intended for the end of the movie

• anyway god i love this score

[themosleyreview]

The Mosley Review: Moana 2

I know I'm not in the only one that remembers the days when Disney would release a sequel to their highly successful animated films straight to VHS and DVD. Don't get me wrong, there were a couple sequels that actually deserved a theatrical release, but instead became cult classics. The Lion King II: Simba's Pride, An Extremely Goofy Movie and Aladdin and the King of Thieves were among the best and one of their songs is always in my head. On the other hand, alot of the major Disney Classics received the sequel treatment that didn't need to it and ended up getting a lesser quality film. Well, this film is a mixture of both circumstances. It was great to revisit the main two characters and although their accompanied by a few great songs, the qaulity of storytelling has taken a dip and it needed a little more time on the fire. The plot may have been straight forward in the beginning, but half way through it loses focus and becomes over crowded with characters that really don't add to the growth to the main heroes. At least the acting from the leads continued to be fun and dazzle.

Auliʻi Cravalho continues to be a powerhouse of a performer as Moana. Her strength, comedic timing and heart once again shines the brightest. Her connection to her family was always at her core and her scenes with her little sister Simea, played wonderfully by Khaleesi Lambert-Tsuda, were the sweetest moments. Aside from her fully developed adventurous spirit, I hate to say that there really wasn't that much more of a growth for her. Sure she gains a bit of a new ability, but that’s about it when it comes to the challenges she faces. Dwayne Johnson returns as Maui and he was just as fun and action driven as you'd expect. He sort of loses a bit of intelligence for me because of his unwillingness to learn from his past mistakes, which he makes again in this film. You can be the fun loving action hero all day, but at some point you gotta learn to negotiate a bit more instead of fighting everyone first. The chemistry between Moana and Maui is still electric and reaches a new emotional depth by the end. I just wish the film just focused on them on the waters again. Hualālai Chung was good as the fan boy artist of Maui, Moni. He had his moments to shine comedically with some great art. Rose Matafeo was energetic and a bit annoying as Loto. I loved her ever creative mind in building the best ship, but man did she need to stop cutting everything. She was more destructive and clumsy than helpful. David Fane was good as the grumpy old man, Kele. He was a sour grape for the majority of the film and honestly didn't add much than just cynicism to journey. They all join Moana's crew and I honestly stopped carrying about them shortly after they got on the boat. Awhimai Fraser was great as Matangi, but I felt her character was all over the place. She was a mysterious villain that could've been more sinister and manipulative, but she comes off as a new fun possible ally. It was disappointing as she has a great aesthetic, but no real depth.

The score by Mark Mancina and Opetaia Foaʻi was great, but this film was really missing the magical collaboration that Lin Manuel-Miranda brought to the first film. The musical numbers were good, but weren't as memorable. Moana and Maui both get to shine in their respective moments, but Moana's new anthem, Beyond, was outstanding and fulfills that same energy that How Far I'll Go produced from the original. Visually, this is one of the most gorgeous animated films of the year as the color pallete is varied in epic proportions and the animation of the water was magical. Overall, the first film remains prestine while this film was lacking the same polish and focus. Its a safe sequel that doesn't really go anywhere in character growth and falls into the trap of over crowding the film with useless side characters. There is a mid credit scene that could have potential if they actually focus on a singular goal. Let me know what you thought of the film or my review in the comments below.