#my life is only beginning and I'm excited to see myself continue to grow

[jewishvitya]

I just wanted to thank you so much for all of your insight and generosity with your perspective as an anti-zionist israeli, something you absolutely don't owe us but I feel immense amounts of respect and admiration for. from an American jew, it's been so valuable to know there are people like you out there, it's made everything feel much less hopeless despite all the hopelessness. I've felt very alone recently, surrounded by all the Jewish people in my life who are pro-israel and don't seem to grasp the gravity of the situation and my pro-palestine gentile friends, and I've felt very alone in my grief as I've only really started to unpack and dismantle my own biases very recently. reading your posts and your perspective on everything has just made me feel very seen as a jew in this situation, especially as I try to reconcile my feelings about everything going on with my own feelings about my faith and my identity.

you've probably seen that I've gone through a lot of your posts and that I've followed you. i just want you to know that I'm not necessarily following you just for that, I know you're just a fandom blog, it's just that after looking through your posts I feel like you're just a really nice person and seeing yoi on my dash from you would be endearing coming from you even though im not into it myself.

just. thank you again for sharing your story and continuing to share. you have no idea how much it's helped me.

I'm in tears. I've been crying way more than usual over the past couple of months, but it's nice for a change to have those tears to come from being touched instead of grief. I apologize if I'm going to ramble.

You say I didn't owe you all this, but I do feel responsible. I'm watching so much destruction and seeing how comfortable people around me are with the loss of life. This is why I've been talking about what we do and not as much about the impact of October 7 on me or people I know. I did a bit of that in the beginning, but pretending it was the start of everything to keep going back to that one day, after two months of horror, as if I can't count past 7... I didn't choose to be born where I am, I didn't choose to grow up in the most extremist community this place has to offer. But since I'm here, since I'm comfortable at the expense of Palestinians and violence is being done in my name and I have the tools to highlight issues within my society, I think it's a moral obligation.

I know how I talk about things here, and that's genuinely because I don't want to minimize the severity of the racism and the nationalism in Israel. And someone perceived my words as showing hatred for Israelis. But... I love my people. I don't expect those who see or experience our violence to feel the same or even understand me, but I do. It's my neighbors and my childhood friends and my family. It's children I see playing outside and getting excited when they see I have a cat, and the random people who stop me in the street and give me directions if they think I look lost.

Even growing up in the West Bank settlements, the people were very good to me. I needed years to internalize the fact that this kindness doesn't get extended to you if you're not part of the in-group. It broke my heart. It still does. Seeing people who I know are capable of kindness and compassion, hardening themselves against the pain of other human beings. Closing their eyes and telling themselves it isn't real. It's all an act.

I told a friend I feel like I'm betraying my mom, who was deeply bigoted, but also a wonderful mother. She taught me a lot of the principles that are guiding me now - I just took down the walls she put around who deserves to be considered. She'd be horrified with seeing the things I'm saying if she was still alive. But she taught me to care about people, I just decided it means all people.

Everyone should be prioritizing Palestinian liberation, and at the same time, I care about this too. I care about the morality of my people. I need us to be better than this. I want to dismantle the nationalism that teaches us hate and violence so we can start to heal and come to terms with what we did (and still do) here. I want us to fix what we can and hold ourselves accountable. I want us to reimagine safety in a way that doesn't cause harm, and build good relationships with the rest of humanity. Every marginalized community is experiencing bigotry in interactions with every other community, that's just how these things work. But I believe healing the world, and healing my society, is possible.

And it's hard, because so much of what we learn is rooted in truth. Antisemitism is real. Millennia of persecution are real. The trauma we carry is real. If the idea of an ethnostate makes us feel safe, and the idea of losing it makes us scared, how do we differentiate between fear as a natural reaction to antisemitic violence and fear that was taught to us for the sake of nationalism? Especially those of us living in Israel, immersed in the propaganda. It doesn't matter in practice, our feelings of safety or fear don't justify an ethnostate, especially not one built on top of another nation, but it matters for the conversations I have with people.

And I said that the violence I'm seeing feels like an attack on my identity. Seeing a giant hannukiyah in Gaza, when Hannukah tells the story of occupied people fighting off their oppressors. Seeing images that echo so much of the horrors that were done to us. The Magen David being used with hate and spite. It's all so painful. And I love this land, it's the only home I've known, so seeing us destroying nature and soaking it with blood and calling that connection?

Judaism does guide me here. The concept of tikkun olam. The idea of לא עליך המלאכה לגמור ולא אתה בין חורין לבטל ממנה - doing what I can, even if what I'm able to do isn't some decisive blow that entirely turns the tide. The idea that every human being is a whole entire world, to me it means that every single person alive is worth fighting for. So no matter how much death I see, there's still worlds more to save.

And Jewitches had this post that felt just healing to read. Nationalism hijacked our culture, and it will always leave a mark for centuries into the future. But I'm not letting go, and I'm not letting that create a rift between me and thousands of years full of history I can be proud of.

I feel your grief. And I'm grateful for the anti-zionist Jews I met by talking about this, because honestly, I need you people in my life. The pain and the anger are both easier to hold together.

So, thank you for following. I might follow back, just to see you around on my feed. And thank you for sending this. Feel free to message me anytime for any reason (I promise it won't result in a lecture every time).

Also, your url gave me pjo nostalgia

[sw-33-ts-stuff]

Killer in NYC

Tara Carpenter X Reader

Part 2

Tara POV

We were all sitting at the table joking around when our phones rang.

My eyes widened seeing Carly's lifeless face staring into the camera next to a bloodied Ghostface mask. The panic rose and I began looking around in my bag as everyone else at the table was silent. I couldn't find my inhaler and looked to Sam with wide eyes as I felt myself hyperventilate.

"Where's her inhaler?!" Evan looked around confused.

"Who has asthma?"

Chad stood next to me making sure I sat up straight as Mindy dove into my bag dumping it on the table looking for my pump. My vision beginning to blur.

"Wait Tara has asthma?" Evan began freaking out.

Sam began dialing 9-1-1 when a hand pressed a blue pump to my lips. I inhaled placing my hand on their wrist and felt the air beginning to come back into my lungs. (Y/e/c) eyes peered into mine concerned.

"You good?" I nodded thankful.

"Why do you have an extra inhaler?" Mindy said skeptically. The taller girl shrugged giving me the pump.

"Thought it might come in handy." She turned going back to work. Everyone eyed her before turning back to me.

"Tara.." I hugged Sam feeling myself tear up.

Its happening again.

.

.

.

We had all gathered at our apartment. On the couch Mindy and Chad, standing in the corner was Kirby.

"Well at least we made it to the sequel." Chad turned to his twin incredulous.

"Seriously?" The girl shrugged.

"Uncle Randy would be proud. But we need suspects and at the top of the list we have" Mindy got a napkin and began writing "the love interests" she glanced at Sam and I "or family of the deceased. In the second Stab the killers were revealed to be the mother and the best friend but seeing as this is still a re-quel or legac-sequel I wouldn't put it past them to try and come up with a plot twist."

Kirby stared. "Is it me or does she sound excited about this?"

Sam sighed pinching the bridge of her nose.

"I was really hoping I'd never have to go through this shit again."

"This is bullshit!" Chad ranted standing up. "I don't wanna get stabbed again."

"News flash genius no one does but with our luck...it's even more likely we die this round."

"FUCK!"

"So what do we do?" I felt my mouth move before my brain even processed what I'd said.

"First we have to act natural, chances are we're the core of this movie and any outsiders could potentially be the new killer. We're also gonna need to do some recon." Mindy looked at Sam and I. "Starting with potential love interests."

"Evan wouldn't-"

"David wouldn't-"

"To be fair Sam your last boyfriend was the killer." Sam glared at Chad who put his hands up in surrender. "Sorry but.."

"It's true." I sighed. "And Amber was my best friend so we really can't just trust anyone."

"So..." Mindy smirked. "Who are we stalking first?"

.

.

.

Mindy, Chad and I were sitting across the street outside the coffee shop watching Evan and Y/n. Mindy peering through binoculars as Chad was scarfing down French fries.

"This feels weird."

Mindy shrugged. "Weirder than being one of the new final girls to a real life horror movie?"

I quirked an eyebrow. "How do you know I'm one of the new final girls?"

Chad chuckled as Mindy smirked. "Cause you're still a virgin."

I felt my jaw drop. "How do you know I haven't had sex?!"

Mindy scoffed. "Oh please it's obvious in the way Evan keeps dropping hints at every party." She dropped her voice. "Hey babe let's head upstairs...this party's too noisy wanna go somewhere more quiet?" She wiggled her eyebrows.

Chad started making kissing faces at me as the two continued laughing I rolled my eyes turning back to the coffee shop.

"Fuck the both of you."

3rd Person POV

Tara's phone chimed the text coming from an unknown number.

Never split up.

She looked at Chad and Mindy still preoccupied with their teasing, both growing serious when she showed them the message. They'd looked around before looking back to the coffee shop only seeing Y/n cleaning the counter.

"Suspicious." Mindy muttered.

"That doesn't prove anything."

Mindy shrugged standing up with her brother.

.

.

.

A few blocks over Kirby and Sam were watching her boyfriend David who was sitting in the library taking notes. They sat in Sam's car as time had passed.

Kirby trying to use her Bluetooth as she played with the car radio making Sam smack her hand.

"Seriously?!"

"What? This is boring and I need something to pass the time!" Sam scoffed.

"Sorry people dying is so boring." Kirby glared.

"Technically this shit started with you so how do I know you're not having some psychotic break and the actual murderer?!"

"Fuck you Kirby!" The girl pushed her in her seat.

"No fuck you Sam this shit all started because of your bat shit crazy daddy!" She pushed back and soon the girls were fighting in their seats the car rocking as they did so. A door handle was snatched open as Sam was pulled out Kirby's nose bleeding as she went to apply pressure.

"Fuck you Sam you're on your own!"

"Don't come crying to me when you're next!"

Strong arms held Sam down and she'd looked back to find her boyfriend staring at her.

"Not that I'm unhappy to see you but what the fuck is going on?"

Sam sighed trying to think of an excuse. She couldn't trust anyone especially if it meant risking her sisters life.

"We were headed here to study when Kirby freaked out on me." She lied through her teeth.

David hugged the girl. "Sorry babe if it helps I always thought she was a little off...but how about you tell me what's actually wrong?"

Sam froze still in his embrace. "What do you mean?"

"Don't come to me when you're next?" The girl shook her head.

"Can we just drop it please?" The man looked into her eyes concern filling his features.

"Ok. Why don't you come into the library with me while I finish my assignment and then we can grab a bite?"

The girl shook her head once again. "I need to get home and check on Tara."

His shoulders sagged in disappointment. "Ok I'll see you later then." He went to kiss her but she turned her cheek.

Sam hastily walked to her car heading back to her apartment alone.

She unlocked the door texting Mindy, Chad and Tara, getting her pajamas together before she stepped into the hot shower.

Steam collecting in the bathroom as her phone chimed.

The apartment door creaked open as black boots took calculated steps further into the apartment.

Sam's phone rang again as she began washing her hair eyes closed, a deep sigh leaving her body as she fell deep in thought.

Chad and Mindy had gone across the street to check in with the baristas as Tara (who was believed to be invincible apparently) stayed back to watch if anyone would leave when he did.

"Hey uhh y/n right?" The girl looked up nodding.

"What's up Chad?" The boys eyebrows furrowed.

"How do you know my name?" The girl narrowed her eyes.

"Maybe I stereotyped you and actually got it right. Or I have ears and you're one of the loudest customers ever. Or I have eyes and I noticed you're one of Tara's friends, or maybe I have common sense and can read the name tag on your shirt." The girl glanced at his blue polo his eyes following where low and behold his name tag was. He chuckled sheepishly as his sister laughed.

"So I'll ask again what's up Chad?"

"Where's Evan?" Mindy asked.

"In the bathroom." Chad nodded.

"Mind if I check?" The girl tilted her head to the side.

"Is there a reason you're asking a lot of questions?" The boy puffed out his chest as his sister spoke up again.

"There a reason you're not answering them?" The two stared at each other before the (y/h/c) pointed.

"Down the hall to the right." She went back to counting the money in the register.

Chad and Mindy walked to the bathroom, the body builder going in by himself slowly opening the door.

"Evan?" Chad opened one door slowly.

Empty.

He went to the next stall again opening the door slowly.

Empty.

He peaked down to see black boots in the last stall praying it was the Tara's scrawny boyfriend.

"Ev-" he was cut off by a scream.

"Dude what the fuck?!" Evan was sat on the toilet phone in hand.

"Shit sorry." Chad closed the door walking back out to Mindy. "He's in there."

The two heard a slam and the doors bell ringing.

"Tara!" They ran out to an empty counter. Y/n standing next to her before they got on her bike.

"Get away from her!" The two were unheard over the motorcycles engine as the bike zoomed down the street.

Y/n swerved through traffic as Tara held tight palms sweating as they raced to her apartment. As soon as the bike stopped Tara ran.

Upstairs Sam had just finished her shower drying off and wiping the mirror before seeing none other than Billy Loomis in her reflection.

"You can't outrun the past kid." She closed her eyes counting to ten before reopening them. The all too familiar Ghostface standing right behind her knife raised and ready to strike when they both heard a scream.

"Sam!" Sam pushed Ghostface as she attempted to run out the bathroom the dark figure grabbing her before she slammed her fist into their abdomen cause them to bend over.

She kicked their head making them fall as she ran.

"Tara!" Her sister came up grabbing her and running out of the apartment. "They're inside the apartment!" The two continued to run before they hit a hard body.

"Woah! Y'all good?" Both Tara and her sister looked to see Y/n disheveled.

Sam's eyes narrowed. "What are you doing here?"

Y/n held her hands up as Tara spoke.

"She gave me a ride. I panicked when I got a text."

"What was it?" Tara went to her phone showing Sam the picture of her in the shower eyes closed and washing her hair.

Now you see her...

"How do I know she didn't send that?" Sam again glaring at the barista, who scoffed.

"Why would I give her a ride if I sent that?"

"There's always more than one killer!" The (y/h/c) looked at the woman confused.

"What?"

"Sam it wasn't her."

"Tara you don't-"

"I was watching her. She's Evans coworker."

Both heads turned to her as a blush grew over her face.

"She was wiping down the counters at the shop, Chad and Mindy went to find Evan."

"Tara!" Mindy, Evan and Chad ran in, the boy already sizing up y/n. He quickly took off his jacket wrapping it around Sam.

"Are you ok?" Sam nodded eyes still on Y/n who huffed.

"To be fair you're buying the "killer" in your apartment more time to escape so if you want to point fingers and name accomplices you should put yourself at the top of the list."

The six quickly walked over to the apartment , Tara having already called the police who were on the way there, Chad grabbing a nearby lamp turning the corner only to find it empty. The curtains blowing form the open window.

They looked down to see no one.

Y/n chuckled darkly shaking her head.

"I'm out of here. Glad you're ok."

Tara watched the taller girl leave making Mindy look at her with an eyebrow raised.

"So Tara's boyfriend may check out what about yours Sam?" Evans eyebrows shot up.

“Wait I’m a suspect?” Everyone ignored him.

"He was at the library and still is I have his location."

"And what happened with Kirby?"

"We got into a fight."

Mindys head tilted. "About?"

"She called me a psychotic murderer and I broke her nose."

Chads eyes widened as he started grinning. "Hell yeah Sam!" He held his hand up for a high five making everyone stare at him.

"What?"

3rd Person POV

Twenty some minutes later, Kirby was still making the long walk back to her apartment. She pinched her nose attempting to stop the bleeding Samantha fucking Loomis had caused. Fuck!

Fuck her and her crazy fucking father!

Fuck Ghostface and everything to do with Stab.

Just fuck!

Her phone rang and she answered not even bothering to look at the caller ID assuming it was Sam calling to apologize.

"If this is an apology it's gonna take a lot of liquor, food, and begging."

"Oh Kirby don't you know you should never split up in scary movies?"

Her body froze paralyzed with fear. That familiar voice causing a lump to grow in her throat her eyes darting around as she began to walk faster.

"What the fuck do you want from me? Wasn't murdering my friends enough?"

"Now Kirby everyone loves a good sequel and what better way than to bring back a fan favorite? Now how about we play a little game?"

"How about you fuck off?" Ghostface chuckled.

"Wrong answer." From behind a dumpster the cloaked figure went to stab Kirby who ducked making them fall over her. She stepped on their chest knocking the air out of the killer before trying to run to the nearest bar. She was still far from her destination but the woman was determined to live.

A sharp tug on her jacket sent her flying backwards as the masked figure went to stab her. She rolled away trying to crawl when they went to grab her again. Her boot kicking the killer square in the face making it fall slightly off the killers face. Gloved hands went to fix this giving Kirby the opportunity to run.

She began banging on the windows of a coffee shop.

"Help! Help! There's someone trying to kill me!"

The barista looked up pulling the girl inside quickly before trying to lock the door. Hands shaking as Kirby began dialing 9-1-1 and just as the lock was about to be secured Ghostface appeared going to stab her saviors hand. The killer banged on the window once tilting his head slightly before walking around.

The taller girl running to the back to lock that door as well as they went to barge in.

"RUN!" She yelled to the blonde who was still on the phone. Ghostface had pushed the door open forcing the girl down and going to chase Kirby but was stopped by a hand on his ankle. He stabbed the arm attached to it making Y/n yell. She still didn't let go as she tried to help the blonde. They stabbed her shoulder twice before kicking her knocking her unconscious. A mop to the back of their head distracting him. He turned to find Kirby who hit them again and again sending them to the floor. A siren drawing closer making the killer run.

Kirby kneeling down and applying pressure to her new friends wounds as the police burst in.

[princessbettina]

Bittersweet Memories:Cody Rhodes x Fem reader part 4 (18+)

Gif border credit to: V6que

Series Masterlist

Comment if you want to be tagged in my taglist ♡

Warnings: A brief moment of angst / a brief mention of a loved one passing / a small moment of spice but not too much. Apologies if there are any spelling or grammar mistakes in this.

2014

Being together with the dashing and most handsome Cody Rhodes has been like a dream. He's everything that you could ever dream of when you think about being in love and being in a romantic relationship.

The same thing can be said about Cody when he's Stardust too. Being together romantically with him has given you full immunity. Being his girl meant no one could come after you if they dare because they knew Cody or Stardust, if we're lucky, would swoop in and save the day.

Always and forever.

You know the saying, 'Every road has its thorns' that was starting to become a reality for Cody. Your darling Cody has been on an emotional roller-coaster with his time as Stardust. Quite literally.

In the beginning, Cody seemed to enjoy getting to play someone who he wasn't when it came to Stardust. Previous conversations you've had with him about it Cody has mentioned things like,

"I thought the very first concept art for Stardust was incredible. You know, I can wear a bodysuit and have paint all across my face. I immediately gave them a big thumbs up right away. "

And even,

"This was something way different from any of the other guys in the locker room were doing. This will be fun!" Cody exclaimed, excitement growing on his face.

Seeing him excited about something he's extremely passionate about and dedicated to absolutely filled your heart and soul up with happiness and joy. Cody deserves to be happy, and you will stop at nothing to make sure that he is.

His run as Stardust started out a fun and wonderful time for him. From winning the tag team titles alongside his brother, Goldust, aka Dustin Rhodes to splitting up and going separate ways with his brother, to going and forming an unexpected alliance with The Ascension, it's safe to say the two of them (Cody and Stardust) have been through it all.

It was extremely heartwarming to be there right by his side during that incredible and fun time with him and see how happy Cody was.

I guess you could call yourself Cody and Stardust's cheerleader!

However, unfortunately, this buzz of continuous fun moments has to come to an end sooner rather than later...

2016

"I don't know how much more I can go on like this, darlin. Yeah, Stardust has been a pretty wild and out of this world ride. For me, for you, for the both of us." Cody began to state. Catching your attention with his as his hands interlocked with yours.

You didn't say a word as you knew he had more to say. You continued to listen more.

"I've been in this business for years, and they sure as hell have been some of the best years of my life. But when you've been constantly set up to not win any of your matches lately as a character that is weighing you down, it makes you want to literally tap out." Cody sighed, his hand resting atop of his neck slowly drifting down a bit on his shoulder.

Your heart began to ache as you weren't expecting the words to fall out of your lover's mouth. What was happening? What did this mean?

All you could do was nod your head slowly and gently squeeze Cody's hand a little bit tighter this time.

"Cody, what are you saying? What do you mean by this?" You asked curiously as your eyes began to fill up with tears.

"I'm saying that I don't know how much longer I can be Stardust. The creative team keep setting me up to lose every week and each pitch that I suggest to them, to move away from Stardust and go back to myself. No one wants me to. I'm so over it and want it to be over." Said Cody, breathing deeply again to himself.

"They only want you to continue as Stardust, when you want to get back to being yourself as Cody Rhodes?" You asked while sniffing and wiping away your tears a bit.

Cody nodded and replaced your hand with his on my face as he gently wiped away your tears this time. You nuzzled your nose/face a little in his hand at the sense of his touch.

"That exactly what's going on, darlin'." Cody nodded as he smiled softly at me. Smiling back at him, you relased my face off of his hand and held your hand in his once more.

"If they're forcing you to stay and perform as a character who you're not confident in anymore, I say you should leave. If quitting is what you want and will truly make you happy, then I'll always support you every step of the way, Codes" You replied, reassuring Cody as much as you could.

At your efforts, Cody seemed honored with your kind and reassuring words when he once again smiled at you.

"Thank you, gorgeous. I think it's for the best." Said Cody, planting a kiss on top of your forehead. You blushed at the feel of his kiss on your face.

You sighed softly and took a small breath as you glanced down at the floor for a moment. "I just hope you know what you’re doing, Codes."

"I always do. Everything will work out. I have a plan and got it all covered. The two of us will be just fine, darlin'.' Cody replied softly, winking your way in a playful manner.

You playfully rolled you eyes as you giggled softly. You just knew everything would work out and be fine with him.

With you.

With the both of you.

And that there would be nothing for you to worry about in the end, right?

A few months had gone by, and it was business like usual for Cody and you. You were still wrestling. Cody was still performing as Stardust, but you could tell that he wasn't having as much fun anymore, especially after the conversation him and you had.

You knew Stardust's end would soon be here, and you weren't sure if you were prepared for it.

One day in particular, the whole vibe backstage in the arena we were at for Monday Night Raw was negative and sad. Like there were broken hearts full of grief in each and every one.

You wrestler friends in Natalya, Naomi, and even Summer Rae had shown melancholy expressions. Seeing this sight really frightened you.

What was going on?

Approaching your friends, you raised an eyebrow as you gently rested your arm around Natalya. When she felt your presence, she sniffled while wiping away her tears.

"Nattie? What's going on?" Are you alright?" You asked, with a concern tone rising in your voice.

"Oh, Y/n..." Natalya replied in a hush / whisper. This was not like her to act this way normally.

Something was off.

Something was not right.

Again, you asked nervously, "Nattie, what's wrong? Why is everyone acting like someone passed away?"

Nattie glanced up at you and gently took your hand in hers in a comforting way. She proceeded to take a deep breath and spoke the truth; "Dusty passed away."

You widened your eyes and gasped the loudest that you ever have. Everything around you went numb, and you literally felt your heart break on the inside.

"Cody didn't tell you?" Natalya asked softly as she still sniffles. You shook your head and were about to ask her more, but you were stopped when you felt the touch of your lovers hand interlock with yours.

"Hey, darlin' There you are! I-" Cody exclaimed softly before being interrupted by you as you snaked your arms around him gently, hugging him in a sign of comfort that you knew he very much needed.

"I'm so sorry, Codes!" You whispered as you were still nuzzled in his chest.

Cody took a small breath as he smiled softly down at you, gently placing his hand on the base of your back. "You're the best, Y/n! I love you. " He spoke softly as the both of yiu continued to hug one another.

You gently fixed your body position,standing up straight as your arms were still wrapped around him. Cody sneaked his arms around your waist this time while gently lifting me up off the ground.

"I thought I was tougher than this." You heard Cody whisper as he continued to hug you. Hearing his voice crack started to ache your heart.

You hugged him a little bit tighter as you gently rubbed his back, giving him all the comfort and security you knew he needed in this moment. "You are tough, my love. You're also brave too and I'm so proud of you." You reassured him.

Gently releasing you from the warm embrace, Cody smiled softly down at you while placing both hands on top of your upper arms. Seeing the tears fill his eyes broke your heart even more.

"I miss him so much! If I could get just one more minute with him, that would make me happy." Cody softly whispered as you gently wiped away his tears with your thumb.

"I know you do, my love. You two were so close." You replied softly as you gently caressed his face with the palm of your hand.

Cody nuzzled his cheek in your hand, "He was my best friend. I want to tell him one more time that I loved him-I love him. We lost the wrong person..."

"Aw my love, I guarantee you that he knows"

"I just hope I could know that for sure..." Cody whispered as he hugged you softly once more as you hugged him back, placing a soft kiss on his cheek.

Later in the night, Cody had a match as Stardust against Zack Ryder in what the company called 'Main Event ' -a match before the actual show started.

Once Cody was finished getting ready in his gear and makeup, you did everything you could to get him in the right mindset. Fire him up before his match like you always tried to do for him.

Standing backstage right next to the cut off where the gorilla area was, Cody in his gorgeous dark purple and black Stardust gear smiled flirtatiously down at you, he gently pulled you closer to him where you stood right in front of him.

"You're going to do so amazing out there, my love! You always do and always remember that your girl is always watching and supporting you every match!" Yoy softly spoke up at him, winking at Stardust before you placed a soft kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, darlin! You're the best cheerleader I could ever ask for. I love you." Cody replied softly as he smirked while gently placing both hands on top of your waist, pulling you even closer to him.

His hands and fingers gently slid down your sides briefly, causing you to blush; "Always for you. I love you too." You replied before inching closer to him and closing the gap between both of your lips.

"Now go show the world just how incredible you always are, my love!" You said, encouraging Cody with a smile and a wink.

Cody pecked your lips softly before waving back at you as he stepped out through the curtain; "Thank you, darlin."

Watching Stardust, aka Cody perform in his match tonight against Zack, always gave you anxious butterflies in your stomach as you never knew just how feel and what to expect from his matches.

Yes, you'd hope for Cody to win each match, but of course, you have to lose every once in a while, too. Watching Stardust begin to travel down that path in the match started to worry you.

You never stopped cheering for Stardust ! You hoped, and you hoped that somehow,some way, he'd pull out a victory; "Come on, baby!" And "Come on, my love! You can do this."

You gasped heavily as your eyes began to widen when you saw Zack pin Stardust and that he won instead of Stardust. "Oh man," you whispered to myself as you hid your head against your hands briefly.

Stardust should have won. That was his match!

You anxiously waited for Cody to make his way backstage. Thankfully, your friends, Nattie and Summer were near by and offered you comfort as they watched Cody's match too.

"Are you alright, y/n?" Asked Summer as she gently hugged you from the side.

"Aww, it'll be okay, y/n! I promise. I'm sure he'll get the next one." said Natalya as she winked at you and rested her hand on your shoulder gently.

"You two are the sweetest. I just hope this loss doesn't start to affect him and us." You said softly into your sleeve a bit.

Your mind kept thinking thoughts like; How was he going to react? What was he going to do?

Moments later, Cody made his way successfully backstage through gorilla. Your heart began racing rapidly as you knew that this might not be pretty...

-End of chapter/part 4♡

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE! I'm finally back with a new chapter to my Cody series, and it feels great finally getting back into writing in general again. I'm so sorry for the long wait on this, I'm going to try and update more and as much as possible! I hope you enjoyed the read. I'll see you in the next one ♡

Taglist: @american-girl001 @iguessilikewrestlingnow @shay2yay

[the-shadowsingers-whore]

a court of wards and shadow

chapter one

series overview

summary: the normal drudge of aelis' life is broken up by an interesting meeting with the high lords and she realize she find finally have found a way to escape

length: 4k

warnings: (18+ mdni) non-con (nothing explicit), mentions of assault and abuse, bruises/marks, mentions of war and violence, anxiety/depression, suicidal thoughts/tendencies

disclaimer: this fic in no way represents any of sarah j. maas' work or ideas, it is for purely fictional/personal entertainment purposes

author's note: this is something i've been working on for a long time and i'm so excited to share it. please let me know what you think!!

masterlist /// next chapter>>

i throw my blanket over my head as the sun pierces through the huge window and hits me right in the eyes. i stifle the groan that rises in my throat at the thought of getting out of bed to start another day. a day that will be exactly like yesterday. and the day before. a day that will be just as miserable as all the rest that will come until the day i die. if i ever get that lucky.

i peel back the covers and try to blink rapidly to try and keep the light from blinding me. this room, like almost all the others in the palace of the day court, has floor to ceiling windows covering almost every wall. it used to be one of my favorite things about living here, and now it has been added to the ever growing list of why i despise everything about this building. 

i used to love waking up to the feeling of the sun basking across my face. i could open my eyes and look out at the beautiful, early morning sky without ever getting out of bed.

not anymore though. all i see every morning now is the bright, harsh light that fills the entirety of the palace, hiding all the shadows that lurk within. the shadows that i am unfortunately all too familiar with.

as i get ready for the long day ahead of me i wish i could go back to the time before the hidden darkness of this place seized me. back when i spent my days happily working and enjoying the beauty and light of living and serving in such a gorgeous palace.

i shake off the thought. i’ve spent too long in the darkness to ever go back into the simple bliss of living in the light. how long has it been? years? decades? more? i can’t remember anymore, each day just blends into the ones before and after. 

i take a moment to paste the mask of a smile on my face before exiting my room and beginning my day. the morning passes just like any other: trips back and forth between the laundry and the kitchen. the only thing that distinguishes this day from the thousands of others just like it is that i spend more time in the kitchen helping to prepare the feast for the high lords that are coming for a meeting this evening. 

sometime in the early afternoon i am headed back to the laundry when a hand drags me into one of the countless storage rooms lining the hallways of the servants’ floors. 

i quickly reign my features back in after the initial shock of being grabbed from the hallway washes back over. even after all this time I still jump every time he pulls me aside. “camden.” i say in the relaxed, easy voice i have come to master.

“aelis, i missed you.” he wraps his arms around me and wastes no time in backing me into the closest wall.

“it’s been so long since i last saw you that i thought you had grown bored of me,” i say and add a hint of disappointment in my tone while i fight the urge to vomit at the feeling of his hands on me.

“oh aelis, you know i will never tire of you.” his next words are lost as he dips his head down to kiss my neck. his hand quickly moves up my body to slide the neckline of my dress out of the way as his lips continue their path down and across my shoulder.

i squeeze my thumb hard in my fist to keep myself from recoiling from his touch. i fight to maintain the playful tone in my voice as i carefully move my hand up to his chest and push slightly. “camden, i’m sorry, but i really don’t have time today. i have to finish my normal washing and get back to the kitchen to help with the feast.” a small part of me hopes that the excuse will work, but the part of me who has been living in this reality for years knows it won’t. it’s been too long since his last ‘visit’.

he detaches his lips from my skin, but his hands continue to roam as he lifts his head to look at me again. “oh come on, don’t do this to me. i can’t go another day without you. i’ve missed you so much.” he pleads while leaning into me so i can feel just how much he missed me. i say nothing in response and force a slight smile onto my face as i fight the bile rising in my throat. i learned long ago that playing along is the best way to get it over with quickly and relatively painlessly. his hand begins to drift down towards the hem of my skirt when i hear my name echoing down the hallway outside. 

he steps away from me at the sound of my name being called and lets out a frustrated breath. i take one step towards him and place a hand on his chest. “i’m sorry camden. like i said, busy day with all the high lords visiting this evening. another time.” i lean up on my toes to lightly kiss his cheek. as i pull away, i try and put as much disappointment as i can muster into the look i give him while the rest of me sighs in relief at my salvation.

“i’ll try and find you tomorrow then.” i flash a shy smile over my shoulder at his comment while heading out into the hallway and praying that he won’t.

i keep my steps in check as i step out of the room and head towards the direction of the voice calling me despite the urge to rush away as quickly as possible. it’s a rare day that i am able to escape him and i'm certainly not going to waste it by allowing whoever it is who needs me to disappear in the maze of hallways.

i quickly catch up with the owner of the voice who i recognize as helene, a female who occasionally works in the kitchen, but spends most of her time attending to the needs of the higher ranking members of the day court.

“there you are! you need to get back to the kitchen quickly. silvy slipped on the stairs this morning and injured her ankle. they need you to fill in for her and help serve food for the meeting this evening.”

it takes a moment for the words to register, but when they do anxiety fills me at the thought. “the high lords' meeting?” my voice comes out as barely a squeak as panic tightens my throat. “i can’t do that! the last time i served at a high lord’s banquet i spilt wine on the high lord of summer!”

“that was one of your first times serving. you’ve served at plenty of banquets since then, you’ll be fine. and it’s not like you really have a choice. now hurry up and get to the kitchen!”

i know there is no point arguing so i rush down the hallways back to the kitchen pausing only once in front a window to use the reflection to make myself presentable. not that much about me in my serving clothes is presentable to the high lords themselves, but it will have to do.

i spend the next hour helping set up trays of food and running them back and forth from the great hall. at some point the high lords and their representatives arrive, but i simply duck my head and continue working.

a short time later i am rearranging the platters of food on the banquet table to make room for the rest that are waiting in the kitchen when i hear the conversation amongst the high lords shift to take on a more serious tone. 

“i suppose we should get down to business then,” kallias, high lord of the winter court says. “rhysand, would you care to explain why you called this urgent meeting?”

“of course,” rhysand, who i remember from my lessons with silvy to be the high lord of the night court, begins. “a rogue band of illyrians has been terrorizing the mountains with increasing ferocity and damage over the last few months.” 

“and in what way does that concern us?” beron, the insufferable High lord of autumn interrupts. “illyrians have always been volatile and savage. a group of them going on a killing spree is nothing new.”

i don’t have to look up from my place at the banquet table to see the icy glare rhysand aims at beron. i can feel it as the intensity of his power fills the room and sends a shiver down my spine. 

“it matters because rumor has it that the leader of this rogue band, a general by the name of brekkan, has somehow gotten his hands on an ancient made weapon.” small gasps and murmurs from the other high lords and their advisors fill the room. “i am not sure what item brekkan has in his possession, but it would explain why the carnage from their attacks has grown exponentially over the last few weeks. unfortunately, rumor also has it that they are planning on using the weapon to release a very ancient, very dangerous beast from the prison.”

the shock of his statement rolls through the room and silence fills it as everyone pauses for a moment. i have to remind my hands to keep quietly moving trays of food around as the tension in the room grows. “how do we know these rumors are true?” the soft voice i believe belongs to kallias’ wife viviane breaks the silence and is followed by several murmurs of agreement with her question. 

“we managed to intercept the band during one of their attacks and capture one of the rogues who, after some persuading, confessed brekkan’s plan to infiltrate the prison. he did not know which beast brekkan plans to unleash, but if it resides in the prison then we have reason to worry.”

“i knew illyrians were stupid brutes, but i didn’t think even they would be dumb enough to release a beast from the prison.” beron spits out the insult. “what could they possibly want with a creature like that?”

“as you all probably know, the illyrians have a lot of ancient traditions, especially in regards to their treatment of women. throughout my rule as high lord i have been trying to put an end to their barbaric traditions which has proven to be exceedingly difficult. my attempts are usually met with much resistance and in some instances, outright rebellion. this is simply another one of those instances. we have handled these situations quickly and efficiently in the past, but the introduction of a made weapon changes everything. it would seem as though this specific group of rebels has decided it’s not enough to simply revolt against the changes. they have decided that they want to wipe out me and every member of my inner circle and select a new high lord who will allow them to continue their ancient, barbaric customs. and since they know they would be unsuccessful with any assassination or coup attempts on their own, with or without a made weapon, it seems they have decided to enlist the assistance of something they know even i cannot stand against.”

more gasps fill the room, accompanied by various whispers of ‘treason’." how have you come to learn of such a plot against you and your court?” a voice i do not recognize rises about the others mumbling throughout the room and I battle the urge to look around to discover its owner. i am here simply to serve food and would be punished severely if i was caught eavesdropping on the high lords.

“because they said as much in the letter we found staked to the pile of corpses they left in the last village they raided.” i have to fight the wave of nausea that overtakes me at the high lord’s words. rhysand, however, continues on in a cool, even tone without so much as a pause, as though he was talking about a complication with palace construction plans and not the murder of countless innocent people. 

“which is why i have gathered you here today to plead for your assistance. brekkan must be stopped before he releases the beast. i can guarantee that a creature powerful and ancient enough to be in the prison isn’t going to stop its rampage over something as trivial as court borders. the illyrians are currently camped on mount rontuwan. Its proximity to the prison leads me to believe they are planning on releasing the beast soon. i plan on attacking their camp in one week’s time in order to stop them before they have the chance. if any of you are willing or able to contribute reinforcements, i would be eternally grateful. i will warn you though, with a made weapon in the mix, the battle will not be a pretty one.”

silence fills the room and tension grows as the other high lord’s contemplate rhysand’s words. helion is the first to speak up. “i will send as many troops as i can spare. i will not subject the day court to the risk of such a creature being released so near our lands.”

for the first time in a long time, pride fills me for being a part of this court.

tarquin, high lord of summer pipes in shortly after to say he will also aid the night court, and beron, per usual, refuses on the pretense that he wants to stay out of feuds in other courts. at this point, i have finally finished moving platters around on the banquet table and need to return to the kitchen to retrieve more trays of food. i silently exit the room despite my desire to stay and hear the other high lords’ responses.

the kitchen is abuzz later in the evening with rumors of the meeting yesterday. apparently some of helion’s troops will be leaving in just two days to join the armies of the night court.

“i wish i could go with them.” one of the kitchen boys says while we wash the dishes and pack away the food left over from the meeting. “i would love to get out of this damned kitchen for once and see what lands in another court look like.” me too.

“lance, do you have a death wish? you know as well as i do that you wouldn’t last five minutes in a real fight,” helene scoffs. “you would be dead the minute you stepped onto the mountain.”

“you don’t know that!” lance barks back. “and even if i did die, at least i would have gotten to see something besides these palace walls before i did.” helene laughs before responding. “ha! willing to risk death just for a little sight-seeing? foolish boy.” 

i chuckle lightly and paste a smile on my face while i secretly wish i could find it within myself to disagree with lance.

* * *

camden found me in my room last night.

i try to suppress the memory as i look in the mirror and brainstorm ways to hide the split in my lip. anything i wear will cover my thigh as long as i successfully manage to suppress the limp threatening every step. wearing my high collared dress should hide the dark bruise blooming across the base of my neck, but i can’t think of anything to disguise my lip. i should have known better than to try and stop him, but i was too exhausted last night after working all day for the feast to want to deal with him. and i paid the price for it.

as i stare at my reflection i tentatively trace a finger around the bruise coloring my tanned skin. is this to be my life forever? always at the beck and call of everyone around me? being endlessly used and passed around like a plaything? never getting to make a choice for myself? because i can’t keep living like this forever. every day chips away another piece of me and I don’t know  how much longer i’ll last before i lose myself entirely. 

i feel like i’ve lost almost everything already. i don’t dream anymore. i used to have the most glorious dreams. they helped me cope with the harsh reality of my life. no matter how terrible the day was, once night came and i drifted into sleep’s sweet embrace, i could escape into my beautiful dreams, if only for a few hours. not anymore though. It’s been years since i’ve dreamt. now the horrors of my days haunt me through my nights.

while i stare at the bruise adorning my neck i find myself thinking back to last night in the kitchen when helene said that lance might as well sign his own death warrant if he were going to try and join the fight. i wish it were that easy. signing my own death warrant, that is. i would sign it in an instant, write my life away immediately if i could. i would rather cease to exist rather than keep on here, where i continue to live the same nightmare every day and night.

my body goes completely still while i continue to stare at the dark purple flesh ringing my throat, the sharp throbbing in my thigh in tune with the pounding of my heart. 

maybe it is that easy.

* * *

two days later, i lay on a mat surrounded by thirty sleeping bodies, a rock in my back, the freezing ground leaching through the thin material, and I can’t help but marvel at my luck. i am mere hours away from escape.

i am still in shock that i managed to slip into the army leaving the palace. i thought someone would notice the missing healer’s uniform that i swiped from the laundry. but no one did. i was convinced that the commander would notice me adding a name to his list after delivering his lunch tray. or at least notice that the handwriting was different from the others. but he didn’t. 

no one looked twice when a girl with a uniform two sizes too big slipped into line with the rest of the healers. apparently with the rush of preparing an army to move out in only two days, no one seemed to notice or care that their count was suddenly one fae more.

and now here i am, lying amongst the sleeping army, waiting with bated breath for the sun to rise and the battle to start. i thought i might feel some hesitancy, or fear, or regret, but all i feel is relief. in just a short while it will be over. i will be free. 

never again will i have to experience the nightmare I have lived daily for decades. never again will i feel the nauseating roll of dread in my gut when i awaken in the morning, knowing what the day will bring. never again will i toss and turn at night, fear at who might visit me in the dark keeping me up for hours. and if the price for that freedom is my life, then it is a price i will willingly pay.

i enjoy my last few hours in silence, watching as the twinkling stars slowly dim as night fades. a horn sounds as the first of the sun’s rays break the horizon and i smile, welcoming its rising for the first time in decades. 

* * *

i manage to slip away from the healer’s tent once the battle begins raging and the wounded start pouring in. i don’t have a plan, i just know that i won’t find what i so desperately need while sewing up ragged slices on soldiers in that tent.

the mid-morning sun reflecting off the snowy mountain top momentarily blinds me and i raise a hand to shield my eyes. as i regain my focus, i glance around wildly, trying to assess my surroundings. i can see a few skirmishes happening nearby, but it looks like the majority of the battle is happening further up the mountain. that’s where i need to be, in the thick of it. where every soldier is full of adrenaline, attacking without thinking. no one will notice my healer’s uniform until it’s too late.

i race towards the battle, dodging between rocks to keep myself hidden until i reach the middle of the action. as i sprint from one section of cover to the next, something grabs my ankle and i trip, my hands shooting out to protect myself as i fall. 

“help me,” a strangled voice croaks and i whirl around to find a day court soldier lying prone, pain awash his face. i quickly glance over his body and nausea punches through my gut as i see his leg. it has been cleaved nearly in two just below the knee by only gods knows what, blood pouring from the wound. i shake my head, my eyes widening in horror as i try to scoot myself away from the mangled leg.

"please,” the male begs again, reaching a hand towards me, “help me.” the hollow pain in his voice makes me pause. i am dressed in a healer’s uniform. a healer from his home court. i can’t let this poor soldier die feeling betrayed by one of his own.

i reach for the healer’s pouch slung across my shoulder. i have no idea what to do or where to start, but i have to at least try. i grab a long strip of bandage and turn back to the soldier, looking up just in time to see a sword drop, severing his head from his body. 

the roaring of the battle drowns out the sounds of my screaming. i can’t seem to stop. all i can do is scream and scream and scream as i watch the blood gush from his neck and his eyes go lifeless a moment before a heavy boot kicks his skull down the mountain. 

the boot snaps me out of my trance and my eyes dart to their owner, a huge winged male with a wicked gleam in his eyes. “why hello there. what are you doing all the way out here?”

panic fills me as i watch him slowly move towards me, his broadsword dragging in the dirt behind him as i try to crawl away. this isn’t how i had planned it out in my head. it was supposed to be quick and unexpected, a quick reflex of a soldier in the midst of battle taking me down, not a male stalking and hunting me like prey.

“please, please don’t. i’m just a healer.” i plead, terror overtaking my mind as he draws closer.

“unfortunately for you, i don’t care what you are. although you are a pretty little thing.” he sheathes his sword and draws a small dagger from his side. “i think i’ll take my time with you.” i try to scramble away, but the male is too quick, grabbing me by the front of my shirt and pulling me to my feet. i act on instinct, snapping my knee up and forward as hard as i can, driving it between his legs. a sharp curse sounds and before i can even draw a breath, i feel myself being flung through the air and then something solid meets my back. a crunching sound fills my ears and then a ringing as my head also connects with the hard surface behind me. i can’t seem to suck in air no matter how hard i try. something warm spills down my neck, soaking my shirt and trickling down my spine. and then…..nothing. blackness overwhelms everything. i see nothing. hear nothing. feel nothing. a smile breaks across my face. finally, freedom at last, i think as i let that nothingness overtake me.

next chapter >>

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©️ the-shadowsingers-whore - plagiarizing, reposting, and translating is not permitted

[keldau]

Throwback to the beginnings of my costuming journey. Though this armor has since been retired, mainly due to my unfortunate physical growth, I think back on these times fondly. I like to think the time and care I put into my first build shows, but I may be a touch biased.

The completion of this armor lead to a great many things in my life. Some of the most fun I've ever had, some of the best friends I've ever made, and some of the coolest opportunities I never thought I'd have.

In 2016 I was invited to attend a convention in Salt Lake where I met the man himself, big boss Boba Fett, Jeremy Bulloch. While it was a brief (but incredibly cool) opportunity, he wasn't the only hero I got to meet that weekend. While attending a panel for Mark Hamill, I also got a high five from Jason David Frank (RIP). Another man I've loved and respected for as long as I can possibly remember.

While manning the Star Wars Costuming Clubs booth that same year, along with a new friend, we were blown away by a random surprise visit by Michael Rooker. Though I regret missing this opportunity to get a picture, the conversation we had without a massive group of people interrupting him, is all the memory of the event I need. What a genuinely cool guy.

Over the years my armor evolved and grew with me, but continued to open doors I never thought possible. Growing up in the middle of nowhere, no real money to my name, and no opportunities to truly geek out with the people left in my hometown, I never thought that Comic Cons and costume groups would be part of my life. I had followed what the 501st Legion was doing since I was a kid, and was truly blown away when I saw them on tv marching in the Rose Bowl Parade in 2007. Still, I never thought anything like that would exist in Montana. At that point, the Mandalorian Mercs were just starting, so I hadn't even heard of them yet.

By the time I started college, I was made aware of the existence of the MMCC. Sitting in my dorm dreaming that I'd have the money, time, space, skills, etc, to start a build of my own some day. Then one day in 2015, I saw this helmet for sale from Headshot Props, and I knew it was time. I had to make this purchase. I checked my accounts, moved some stuff around, skipped getting groceries for a few weeks, and 2 months later, there it was in all of its glory. Sitting at my doorstep when I got off work, I don't think I had ever been that excited. I took it inside, ripped open the box, knocked off just enough of the sharp edges to put it on without cutting myself, and low and behold... it didn't fit.

Motivation: demolished. Faith: gone.

I was, frustrated, to say the least. I'm the type of person to take setbacks like this extremely personally because of how often it seems like it happens to me. I set it on the shelf and looked at it for a few days. I knew there was nothing I could do about a return because the dimensions were posted, and I measured my head. It should have fit. I didn't take into account the cheeks of the helmet being a tighter spot, and my bigass fivehead just wasn't gonna do it without breaking the helmet. I had to do something though. I sanded the hell out of the inside of the cheeks to the point that you could see light through them, and I could get the helmet on, though it wasn't a pleasant experience. I then took my heat gun, thinking there's no way this will work, heated the resin just enough to push the cheeks out that little bit extra, and I'll be damned. It was just enough. The helmet was still tight, but it fit, and it was back to game on.

The course of the next few months brought on a ton of changes. I was lucky enough to be working at a sign shop at the time I began this journey, and that shop had a seemingly endless supply of foamed PVC board and a flatbed CNC machine. I was able to trace out my armor design and just have it cut right there! Barely even had to trim and sand anything! It was amazing! I started learning skills I never even knew I wanted. Using a heat gun to form shapes, learning to paint, kit bashing parts to make in-universe looking props, it just never seemed to end! Halfway through my build, I moved, but I didn't let that move ruin my motivation. In that tote was a pile of loose parts and a helmet. Within a month of moving into my new place, it was wearable. Rough, but wearable. Around Halloween that year, I had met up with some local guys that were also building armor, and we handed out candy at the Zoo! It was amazing, and I had so much fun. Met some of my future best friends that day.

Over the years of doing local events, I've been humbled on a few occasions. Mostly from people who joined the group later on that have told me their journey started when they saw me at one event or the other. That's such an incredible feeling and honestly makes all the time, effort, money, stress, blood, and love I've put into this build worth it.

If you've stuck with this post this far, I applaud you. You can probably tell I'm not much of a writer and I'm all over the place with no real conclusion to any of it. I'm really just reminiscing. This weekend I will be parting out this original kit, or at least most of it, in order to help new costumers, new friends, get a foothold in their build, and hopefully motivate them to continue.

If you've ever wanted to build a costume, regardless of what fandom it's for, don't let anyone tell you not to do it. Buy it, build it; piece by piece or all it once, it doesn't matter. Just do it. Solid chance you'll never regret it.

[shoegazely]

@chromatiica / continued from here

knox finds himself smiling when the woman laughs, feeling that swelter of pride in his chest grow and grow until it completely envelops him. he feels warm, downing a swig of his drink and looking back at the woman. "i knew it!" he celebrates. "you listen to everything! i guess i'm that way, too, but you branch out a little more than i do. well, a lot more than i do. i've never really gotten into techno or anything like that." a sad, dramatic sigh, but he quickly perks up again while she rambles, listening intently and nodding along to every word.

"i always preferred 'i was a teenage werewolf' to anything else, but you have admirable taste," he says, raising his glass to her. "i'll admit, i don't dabble too deep in the cramps, but maybe i'll have to now that i know you do." knox pauses, realizing how flirty that had come out as, and while this woman is stunning he hadn't even meant it that way. hoping it'll be ignored, he blunders on as if nothing out of the ordinary happened. "metallica and iron maiden rock. 'enter sandman'..." he exhales. "that song does wonders for me, man."

the woman seems to wear a permanent smile, and it makes knox feel much more at ease. that has to be the reason he's perked up so much, because his drug of choice is a downer, and it's not like he eight balled it ; simply put, he shouldn't feel this giddy inside, certainly not after the past couple of days he's had. her energy is infectious, creeping tendrils into his soul. he already wants to be her friend. she must be the coolest person around town, that's for sure, and it makes him feel lucky to have sat here in the first place. even better, she likes his taste in music! even tells him that much! knox grins from ear to ear, because if he's got good taste, then so does she.

he eagerly takes her hand to shake, then tilts his head at the compliment, shock apparent in his face. brows raised and jaw slightly unhooked. "oh," he says, then laughs. "thanks! no one's ever said that about my name before." that's definitely going to be something that sticks with him for a while, one of those things he thinks about before he falls asleep. remember that girl who said your name was badass? but then she says her name and knox isn't sure he's ever heard a cooler name on the planet. "woah woah woah. your name is indigo? and you go by indie?! you have the coolest name i've ever heard in my life!" he smiles even wider, if possible. "i'm truly jealous." he goes back for his drink but realizes it's entirely gone, and woah, that was quick. a little quicker than he'd thought. whatever.

"well, indie," knox begins to answer, that is, until he spots a familiar head of hair out of the corner of his eye, and instantly it's like every good emotion he's ever had is inflated out of his chest. why the fuck is silas here? the rest of the band probably is, too. can knox ever get one day away from them? silas, especially? jesus fuck. well, hopefully he won't see knox, so he turns to continue chatting up his new friend, maintaining that same excitement even if it's a little more forced now. only because of how hard his heart is thundering. "me and my band are on tour in the great city of new york right now, so i thought i'd get myself a drink before our big gig tomorrow." he looks at her, curious. "what about you? and what brings you to new york, unless you live here? and if that's the case, you must have some good stories." he certainly has some stories from living in san francisco, so surely new york city is even crazier.

[caligoascendant]

Another begins.

He then spoke.

"Hello, everyone...It's ever so good to see you all gathered here on this most special of days." Low resonant voice carried over air and crystal both, so perfectly crafted as all gathered could hear every word without issue. "Not only special in celebration of the Scuttler's birthday...or the founding of this fair city. Not just special for the day this realm was made...or the very day I decided would mark when I came to be." He trails off, a hand moving into the air, a ephemeral flow of glittering gold to be seen. "No...this day will carry one weight of significance." "One that I ask for all of you to share, as you've shared your own lives and stories with me." As the gold flows, it grows larger and larger still. It then displays a story, cast for all to see. A story of hope and pride. Of a stranger in a strange land finding out who they were, with bountiful proclamation as they conquered those who'd strike them down and forged onward. A crown then formed at the end of the story and placed itself between the Overlord's glowing 'horns', before the entity spoke. "My story is a long, vast, and terribly detailed one...but it's beginning was that of hope, pride, and worry all in kind." "Long have I proclaimed myself as The Accursed Eldritch Overlord, Fatescar...not really stopping to think of the why other than how it was who I was..." With care present in his voice, he looked out over his many loved ones, all those cherished souls who sought to join him. To fight him. To befriend him. To try and surpass him. To love him. "It was because I felt that my story would fade away if any others happened to be the same...or even similar. I guarded that title with the ferocity of a dragon, bullying and hording it, tying my story up...and tying all of you up in it with the restraint." "For eons, as I wandered and watched, explored and lived my life...I've grown to feel restless. It took a long while to realize why, and the why is...I'm more than I was, now...and it's all thanks to you." He spread his arms wide in appreciation, a grin wide and beaming. "No longer do I find myself haunted by the little doubts of being forgotten...No longer do I think I need to bind my story and bind all of you with it." He sighs, laughing, turning on around as he faces the gate. "Some say that restriction breeds creativity, but that's only when it seeks to burst free of it's ties. So this act, this significant towering gesture you see before you...is just that!" In presentation, the Overlord flows and flies, speaking of the Gate with excitement clear. "You see, this gate here is to be the symbol of me setting free my story. Not just to tie all of you up, but to flow out into the world beyond, into countless other places!" "Across countless different times!" "My story will be free and unbound, with all the consequences that come with it...but with all the hope that comes with such fantastical change!" "So as my story becomes free and I, too, change the very title you all know me as...will you all continue to share your stories with me?" He asks, finally coming down, a clawed hand pressed to his chest as he asks again. "Would you all tell your stories with mine?"

The silence...was mercifully short. Shouts, cheers, proclamations and challenges issued forth like a wonderfully terrible wave. In that same sweeping momentum, the Overlord turned and let his power surge, transforming that support and his own enthusiasm into a flowing crashing luminous whorl. It crashed into the gate and slowly, steadily... The doors were opened. The whorl flowed out over the Tower and into the sky, whirling and weaving among the very stars above. The chapter that was of The Accursed Eldritch Overlord, Fatescar...was now over. Now began a new story from the last. That story was of... Fatescar! Fabled Overlord of Stories!

[dinocos-golden-boy]

Alright, since you send in all the Ranger family asks, I’ll do the same with you!

What’s the general story with your Ranger family OC’s? Like, a timeline of sorts? I want to compare notes. :P

Thanks, friendo!

AHH! My first ask! I'm so excited! Please feel free to send in more friendo! I do it after all myself! ^^

It's fair enough. I do love Blade after all haha xD.

Also just a note, mine is different. I'm not sure what you'll do with comparing notes, but I'm all up for it :D

I assume you're referring to when Kate begins her relationship with Blade, when Dakota is born, Kate's fiery accident when she's a firefighter etc. Feel free to correct me though if I'm wrong, but I'll base my answer from that question.

This is also a longgg answer. So I hope you like it :D

Ranger Family Timeline: In-Depth

• Early to Mid 70s: Kate works as both an international photo shoot model and actress, as well as doing her career at home in the States. She has dreamed of traveling and seeing the world all of her life. She travels from London to Paris, and from Berlin to Rome. She stars in many films as she continues to travel across the world. She begins to make music videos and even begins to become a singer.

• Late 70s: After returning home from traveling to take some time off from her career as an international photo shoot model, Kate receives a cast to guest star in CHoPs. This is where she and Blade first meet. While they are silent for a while, Kate is the one who makes the first move and begins to talk to Blade as much as she can. Secretly it's his handsome and charming icy blue eyes that makes her want him. Eventually with help from his on-screen-partner and best friend Nick, the two eventually begin to see each other more often. Soon, Kate's love for Blade continues to grow. This is obvious, as she continues to release love songs more consistently than ever before. As the Christmas season approaches, she releases a Christmas album where all of her songs are about love. Blade soon falls in love with her beautiful singing voice, and they officially start dating in '77/'78.

• Early 80s: Blade and Kate have now been dating for 3 years. Kate begins to focus more on her photo shoots as a model, while Blade continues to pursue acting full-time. However, Kate costars on CHoPs whenever she can, although she loves doing her own works. Following Kate's impressive photos and postures, the directors of the show decide to have her and Blade do a photo session together. The two AgustaWestland helicopters agree and soon enough, the photos are taken and completed. Not only are the directors impressed with Kate's photos, but they are also impressed with her music videos. Soon, the entire cast of the show begin to do music videos, with Kate's help. Blade was mostly intimidated by this, since some of the stunts were more complex than what he was use to doing, but Kate was always there to help him, and he felt much more comfortable in the end.

• Mid to Late 80s: This is the time period where Blade and Kate's relationship begins to strain a little. In '84, Nick has his deadly on-set crash. Blade is severely unstable and devastated following this tragic loss. He immediately vanishes without a trace, and ends up losing contact with Kate. It isn't until a few years later in '87, that he reconnects with her. Of course, she isn't happy about him taking off without telling her what had happened, but she realizes he needed time away and doesn't scold him for his actions. The two begin to slowly reconnect and begin to form a romantic relationship once again. Unfortunately this doesn't last long, and eventually a new breaking point occurs. This happens when Kate decides to take Blade out for dinner at a nice restaurant. A little while later, after Kate excuses herself to the restroom, her ex-boyfriend Henry shows up. Blade catches him and asks him what he's doing at the restaurant. Henry claims that he's there to congratulate Kate on her award for Best Actress of the Year, although he has ulterior motives. He calls Blade and Kate's newly rebuilt relationship a great "PR move." Nearly on cue, Kate arrives back at the table, horrified that her ex is there. Blade immediately moves away from the table and angrily heads outside. Kate chases after him, only for Blade to tell her that their worlds are completely different and that the media circus is no longer for him. Kate watches him leave as she begins to silently cry, feeling she's lost him again, as cameras begin to flash abruptly at her.

• Early to Mid 90s: Kate continues her career as a photo shoot model. However, she quits the entire Hollywood and Music industry after losing her brother, who was a firefighter stationed in Oregon. She soon understands just how tragic Blade's loss of Nick meant to him, and begins to pursue firefighting. She begins her work as a firefighter in Washington State, only to be recruited to Piston Peak after the station relocates. Coincidentally, Blade is also training as a firefighter at this time. At this point, Kate is now the Chief of the Piston Peak Air Attack Team. Blade shows up as he's been recruited to Piston Peak. When Kate sees him, she doesn't know what to think. As an authority figure, she knows she can't express any feelings toward him, as an act of profession. Blade feels bad for everything that happened between them, and wants to rekindle their relationship. Kate starts off with the two just being colleagues and getting Blade trained and certified as a firefighter. Slowly, she begins to show her feelings of love again, while hiding it from everyone else. She struggles with trust at times though, since she's lost Blade twice. But Blade remains true to his word, and the two eventually begin to date.

• Late 90s to Early 2000s: Blade and Kate finally tie the knot. In '97, they marry and begin to try and start the life they always dreamed of. Of course they're now firefighters, with Kate as the Chief. But she still shows love toward Blade outside of work. She knows the balance between work and personal life, even though her personal life with Blade strained for a while. In 2004, they welcome their baby girl, Dakota. Unfortunately, nearly a year after Dakota is born, Kate is severely killed following a fiery accident while out with the team fighting a wildfire. Mortified, Blade rushes over to her only to have his rotors catch fire and internal mechanics badly damaged. Kate is pronounced dead on the scene. Traumatized by this, Blade is no longer the loving father. He is later on given the role as fire chief, and becomes icy and harsh. He becomes overprotective of his daughter, up to the point where he does not allow her to leave base. A year after Kate's death, Annalisa is born.

• 2010s: Blade has now been Chief for 10 years. Dakota is now 10 (2014). Blade continues to remain harsh towards her and still doesn't allow her to leave the base. He keeps everything to himself and doesn't allow his daughter to ask questions about her mother. Dakota is currently in grade school and later on will seek enrollment in Piston Peak Academy, where she will be trained as a firefighter. Eventually, Blade realizes he's kept Dakota out of his distance. He knows she needs her father. Dakota and Blade slowly rekindle their relationship, with Blade starting to talk to her about what her mother was like and that he knows she'll make both him and her mother proud.

Present Day: Blade continues to be Chief and plans on retiring within the next few months of this year. Dakota is currently training to be a firefighter and will be receiving the title as Chief once Blade retires.

Sad fact: A while before Kate died, she and Blade found out they were expecting their second child. But that didn't happen. This is another dark secret Blade hides from Dakota.

**UPDATED ON 02/10/23**

[onigiri-dorkk]

Goals + updates for 2023!

(plus sneak-talks into my future fics!)

ALRIGHT RIVAMIKA FRIENDS! This evening (now that I've finally come back from my short New Year's trip... as well as recovered from major car sickness on the way back home l o l), my birthday-week-and-writing-sabbatical (😂) officially begins!

If you've been following, I've been hustling since November with my IRL workload and it has taken time away from writing and fandom things, so I had planned that from January 1st for a whole entire week I will dedicate my time to rest in the form of writing. No work, no emails, no ads...

NOTHING except sitting in coffeeshops or beautiful places and writing stories from my heart again.

During the holidays I had a couple of technically free days, so I wanted to get a one-shot in to get myself ready and warm up for this week (and then produced last week's one-shot, The Perfect Brew, which might mark my all-time favorite one-shot I've written so far).

The hard part was deciding what the heck to focus on and commit to. I thought about keeping it free, but knew it would lead to more one-shots, which is fine too.

But after I came back home and rested, I sorted through my WIP's (which, at this point, I actually have 7! I just forgot about 4 of them omg) and I rediscovered a WIP in my Google Docs I loved and forgot about, and that is the orphanage fic.

I don't think I've shared much about it just yet, but it will be a multi-chapter fic set after Season 3, and both Historia's orphanage and castle will play a big role in the plot for Levi, Mikasa and the Scouts. Obviously I don't think I will complete the entire fic just in this week (sheesh... I can't even imagine?!) but I aim to make a good dent in it and hopefully publish something by my birthday weekend :) I believe this is the one I want to make the most progress in, and hopefully get something published from it, though I can't promise timely updates the way you got Microcosmos every week or two.

Also on the back burner that I might trudge through this week is the Ackerman (Kenny, Levi, Mikasa) short-fic, and a post-war reunion fic that will likely be a long-fic. Then deeeeeep in my backburner is also a post-war long-fic that will circle around Levi and Mikasa and gang as Paradis refugees; I foresee this as something that will be a lot darker and angstier.

I'm honestly just excited for starting 2023 dedicating passion-time to writing; it feels like me saying YES to dedicating this full year to growing as a writer. I only began writing in May so it's strange that I haven't even hit a full year of doing so... But knowing that 2023 is starting and ending with me in love with writing is just exciting. I'm PUMPED. I have other ideas (maybe starting a Rivamika-specific writers' accountability group, etc) but I'll save all of that for another time hehe.

All this to say, thank you to all of my fandom friends I've made here who have encouraged me and brought me soooo much joy and inspiration literally on the daily. You don't understand how much your presence here has helped me in my real daily life, and has sustained this newfound inspiration. It makes writing and creating art not feel like an echo-in-a-chamber. To have real people enjoying what we create together, encouraging each other in the process, and sharing their joys for it, it's just sooo important and meaningful. Thank you all!! I will continue to ~dedicate my heart~ to creating art in lots of forms for our lil community here. :)

Please look forward to another year of Onigiri's proud hyper-fixation on Rivamika ;)

(P.S. I can see my nighttimes being filled with reading all of y'alls fanfics that I haven't gotten to read yet!!! PLS!! I CANT WAIT!)

[presleyhearted]

Yours Truly - author's note: before we begin

Hi! Before you begin reading, I would just like to say a few words if you don't mind.

Hi! I'm Rose. 

First and foremost, I would like to say thank you for being drawn to my book, enough to give it a chance. I truly am grateful for it. I am sure that you would love to start the story, however if you do not mind, I will say a few words before we commence into the world of 'Yours truly.' 

I have been an avid reader for a long time, which cultivated my desire to start writing my own stories. However, all of my writings have been seen by myself and only myself - until now. 

The world of writing and reading is a vast space, which I am sure you are aware of. In this case, Fanfiction. I have read numerous fan fictions growing up, and I still do - drifting through one fandom to the next. I am relatively new to the Elvis Presley fandom, my interest started when I watched the brilliant movie Elvis (2022).  I will warn you now that this is Fanfiction - so it is the line between reality and fantasy. Read cautiously and carefully. 

next

--

Warning: This story has occupied every corner of my mind for MONTHS, and it took a lot of courage to entertain the idea and plan it out, and now gift it to you. So I will not tolerate plagiarism, copyright infringement, stealing of intellectual property - reproducing this story on any platform in any way. It is a NO. I am sure that your hearts are pure and you will not do this, but if you do see my story on any other platform - please inform me and I will report it.  The only other platform this is posted on is my wattpad account : astralheart_

Disclaimer: As I have mentioned already; I am in no way, shape or form, portraying Elvis or any of the real people as who they actually were in real life. I do not know them personally. It is an Elvis fanfiction, please do not ignore the FICTION in that. I mentioned that I will be researching as I go along to sprinkle in some factual information, but this is not a biography. It is not cold, hard facts.

--

This story was conceptualised through a series of songs I've listened to, and dreams I've had. I first outlined the plot and the type of characters, and then I decided for this to be an Elvis fanfiction. Which was not an easy decision.  In simple words: the story is the canvas, I am the painter, I just needed a muse to make this story happen. 

I tend to be drawn to the unexpected, complex and incomprehensible books. The type of book that will make a reader pause for a second and think, before continuing to the next sentence. Therefore, this story will deliver both a sense of familiarity of simplicities, and the element of trying to fit the puzzle pieces together, but not quite being certain of it all. 

In other words, I aim for those reading to be very immersed into the story - to be excited, to be thrilled, to be curious. This is why I am writing this. 

What can you anticipate? 

I do not want to spoil too much because I do love surprises, and I'm sure you do too. But just to briefly summarise - This story is something I hold very close to my heart. That being said, I want you to feel a plethora of emotions - good and bad, joy and despair, wonder and wishful thinking,   love and heartbreak.

All at once. 

--

Okay, okay. I'll stop talking now aha - I apologise for the long message. It was necessary though. 

There is a series of songs that I think sets the mood for this story, I will post the Playlist next. 

Then after that

the story begins. 

So, with this note from me to you - I thank you once again and I am most wondrous to 

Welcome you to the world of 

Yours truly . 

@literally-just-elvis-fics

[dirtgoth]

likeee, im very much just figuring it out, my work schedule feels right and comfortable now, but it's a matter of seeing whether my paychecks will be enough, my s/o told me i can basically come over whenever i want and invited me to go to nyc w them in october, i love spending time w them and they've definitely been my main focus over the last couple months,,

i want to keep growing in other areas, it's just been keeping my head above water managing work schedules and panic attacks and just how to day to day take care of myself, but it feels like that's all leveling out,,

im really trusting this person, but i dont want to rely on them too heavily, but im trusting them. she's giving me all these signs that she wants me around, and wants me around for the future

and i want to make sure it feels like im building and they're building and we aren't becoming stagnant. the way she talked abt how much she's changed over the last year and over the course of knowing me makes me really happy, it makes me wonder who they were before we met, not in a bad way

it makes me feel good, like we wouldn't have before, it feels like she sees me as one of the positive changes that's happened for her

i really like having gotten to know them, and continuing to build something as slowly as we have, like at this point it feels like we'll spend the year together, but like there's no timeline for a lable, and as long as we're talking abt things openly im happy to just let it evolve

im feeling a lot more sure of myself. truly i just want to treat her how i want a partner to treat me, and do my half of creating the partnership i want to be in. and it's been going really well

im still unsure abt money, and my career life, but that's the part of life that matters the least. its been a huge source of stress bc im establishing all of this from scratch, but my perspective feels a lot more realistic recently. like these jobs are not the end of the world

i want to water my friendships and hobbies more, my life is going to change again, take a new shape, im going to move in the fall and im going to discover another new version of myself and im so excited for that. i just want to keep my life full ,,

i don't want to focus only on my romantic relationship or keep it separate from the rest of my life, i feel like im beginning to find a sense of harmony and balance

im going to germany in a month, im hoping to start a new job when i get back, im going to move, im visiting nyc, im learning, im meeting people, im being myself, i'm listening to my body and my emotions, i'm going to find ways to keep growing and gaining a sense of confidence and independence and satisfaction w/in myself

[therealriver1]

Getting Back Into Writing...

I know I've been gone a while, but I don't plan on making any grand speech or introductions. I've considered closing this account multiple times since I don't know if anyone still reads my content or uses this platform. Nonetheless it's 2024 and I'm still here.

I started blogging on Tumblr as a hobby and because I really enjoyed writing. I still love writing! Writing on here acted as a journal for me, something that I could use to look back on years from now. Since I started writing with the intention of doing it for myself, I will continue to do so. I am glad to be back and will try my best to stay consistent. At the same time, I also don't want to force myself to write just for writings' sake. Instead, I'll write when I feel most inspired.

I had this idea of doing a "movie watchlist" based on my opinion of course. I wanted this list to be here for me in the future so I could see if my taste in movies has changed, matured or anything at all. Over the years I've watched a bunch of movies that I've enjoyed for different reasons. Movies were one good source of entertainment for me and my family growing up and brought me lots of fond memories. I remember being so excited to go to the video shop and pick out some of my favorites to rent and then going back home & watching it with my family. Dad and I would go to the video store and browse, sometimes taking longer than expected. I'd spend time looking at the covers reading the synopsis on the back before choosing anything. I was so proud when I picked something decent that everyone liked, I'd brag and say I had good taste! Those were the simple times when life was easy.

I digress, getting back to this list of mine. Let's just call it "Rivers' ultimate watchlist" for now. Like I said before this will be a random list of movies in no particular order from horror, comedy, romance, adventure, sci-fi and everything else in between. You might not know all of these movies or even like them but if you do find yourself bored and wondering what to watch, give it a try. I am sure you will find at least one good gem worth your time! I think I might do the same list for anime, kdrama, tv series and animated films later on and possibly update this movie list and add more titles.

Here's the list: ⦁ Harry Potter 2001 1-7 (The first four movies were among my faves) ⦁ Thirteen Ghosts 2001 (I don't know why but I've always liked this one) ⦁ Darkness Falls 2003 (A horror movie about the tooth fairy. This one will scare your kids.) ⦁ The Exorcist 1973 (The first one is still the scariest of all time. I also liked Exorcist: The Beginning but these are flicks I don't want to watch repeatedly or at night.) ⦁ Resident Evil 2002 (Yes, I know it's a video game adaptation and not everyone likes it. The very first one is a classic. I've also seen all the other movies in the franchise multiple times mostly because I like zombie action and Milla Jovovich) ⦁ Without a Paddle 2004 (A great comedy full of laughs. Definitely a fun watch in my opinion) ⦁ Euro Trip 2004 ("Scotty doesn't know!" "This isn't where I parked my car". I still remember the lyrics to the song. This one is a bit raunchy but in a good way if that makes sense.) ⦁ Me, Myself and Irene 2000 (Jim Carrey is great and so is Renée Zellweger. I really liked this one. Watch with an open mind) ⦁ Alien 1979 by Ridley Scott (I can't believe some people still haven't seen this. I love aliens and this one is a certified classic. You just have to see it for yourself. I've seen all the movies in the franchise and I'm still a fan after all these years. I'd happily rewatch any time.) ⦁ Blade 1988 1-3 (Ah vampires what can I say, I do love my supernatural movies! I think Wesley Snipes totally embodied Blade and was perfect for the role. I only recently found out that there's an animated version which features more of the lore from the comic books. The action in this movie is too good to pass on. In fact, my mom loved it so much she named our dog Blade) ⦁ Terminator 1984 (The second one is my favorite out of all the Terminator films, but I still enjoyed watching the others. There's just something about man versus machine that keeps you glued to your screen, that and Arnold Swarzenegger. ⦁ Zathura : A Space Adventure 2005 (I loved it! It's a kids movie but it's still a good) ⦁ Predator 1987 (Tying into the whole Alien vs Predator universe I naturally had to watch this. Prey is the most recently released movie in the franchise, do not skip this one!) ⦁ RV 2006 (Robin Williams is so funny, great family movie to watch together on movie night! ⦁ Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events 2004 (Some might say it's depressing, but the cast are brilliant actors and I thought it was a very clever film.) ⦁ Serenity 2005 (I didn't even know there was a show called Firefly linked to this movie. I only found out years later) ⦁ Pan's Labyrinth 2005 (Dark, twisted and brilliant but definitely not meant for everyone! This is a Spanish movie by Guillermo del Toro and still one of my faves. Please watch it with subtitles and not in dub. Also see Pacific Rim from the same director if you haven't watched it yet) ⦁ Jurassic Park 1993 1-3 (What can I say, I love dinos! The original will always be my favorite.) ⦁ Because of Winn Dixie 2005 (Great family film. Wholesome and heartwarming) ⦁ Dreamcatcher 2003 (This movie freaked me out as a kid, especially the toilet scene. I also heard there's a book so I might have to read it eventually) ⦁ Apocalypto 2006 (A really great film by Mel Gibson. If you can handle brutality, give it a try. It's definitely not for the faint of heart) ⦁ The Descent 2005 (If you're claustrophobic this movie will be your worst nightmare) ⦁ A Sound of Thunder 2005 (When I was young, I thought this movie had a really interesting concept.) ⦁ The Cave 2005 (It's similar to The Descent. It has that element of fear, the unknown and of course a mysterious creature) ⦁ Wonder 2017 (A really beautiful film with a great message) ⦁ Billie Elliot 2000 (The ending was so great! And I love the soundtrack because of Elton John. My favorite song from the movie was "electricity".)

(P.S I will be posting this in two parts because this was way longer than I expected!!)

[itsfuckinganne]

Dear you,

There was a lot I wanted to say, but didn't have the courage to when we spoke today. This will make things easier since I write better than I communicate.

I wanted to say thank you. Thank you for giving me the chance, or two, or hopefully three, to love you. Thank you for showing me that love can be so soft, so kind, so forgiving, so real. Thank you for trusting me, even though I broke it, and didn't give you the closure you needed until now. Thank you for allowing me in your sacred space, something we both don't allow just anyone in. Thank you for showing me that I am deserving of everything good and whatever that comes with it. Thank you for being around the people I love, care for, and hold to high regards. Thank you for always reminding me that growth isn't linear and that you want, or wanted, to grow with me. Thank you for always making me laugh, even in days where I don't feel like myself. Thank you for being so patient with me, even though I know I didn't deserve any of it. Thank you for entering my life and creating a different light I have never seen before.

I wanted to say I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I wasn't able to be honest with you, even though that's all you ever asked of me. I'm sorry that I gave you another reason to not be so trusting or forgiving of people in this world. I'm sorry that I wasn't the best partner to you because I know, as much as you do, that you deserve a lot more than what I gave you in the beginning. I'm sorry that I couldn't be as present as I wanted to be, especially in moments where you needed it the most. I'm sorry that what happened, happened. I'm sorry that my trauma has gotten in between the two of us and how our relationship has become. I'm sorry that I tarnished a bond that I didn't expect to become so strong. I'm sorry that I was such a bad friend to you, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I'm sorry that I can be hard headed. I'm sorry that your thoughts eat you alive, as much or more than mine does. I'm sorry for being destructive, even though you say I'm not.

I wanted to say I love you. I love how your eyes light up when you talk about your future and goals you have set for yourself. I love that you and I can talk about our differences and still see a middle ground. I love how unserious we can be together, even in moments where we should've been serious. I love how much care you put into your being, especially with how you present yourself to not only you, but others. I love how easy it is to talk to you, and how active you are in listening. I love that we are the epitome of yin and yang. I love how excited you get when I'm excited; it makes me look forward to anything we talk about, do together, or even things we just plan together. I love, loving you, even when you think your trauma affects how much I do. I love the kindness that radiates whenever you're around. I love how much effort you put into making sure your people are okay, but most importantly putting yourself first, even if it looks selfish. I love hearing you talk about things you're passionate about; I hope you reach all the goals and continue with the plans you have.

I wanted to say that I'm fighting for you. I know that we'll both be okay if you choose to walk away, but things have changed so much for me and I would love to keep loving you the way I do. I know there's a lot of healing for me to do, I could say the same for you, but we know that two inadequate people can't be adequate together so I'm grateful for all the love and patience you have given me. I pray for you, and for us, and how much I want to be with you, but that is a decision for you to make. Regardless of the decision, as you've told me, I love and care about you and that will never change either. It might take me some time to be comfortable with having to readjust being by myself again, but you truly are my best friend.

I love you, in every universe and life.

[mcbex]

The Gratitude Mile

Training for a marathon is exactly what I thought it would be. Exceptionally hard as well as emotionally surprising. When I began as a "runner" ( I use the quotes because noone begins as something successful but the mere act of doing it makes you what you claim to be) so as I began as a runner 4or 5 years ago, I was only using it as a way to move my body. Fear rolling into my second half of life unfit, unhealthy, and tired all the time pushed me to reach for a better version of myself. What I discovered rather quickly is that it forced all the crazy thoughts out of my head in the form or tears and praise and relief. Flash forward to this training, although I expected the difficulty and moments of mind meddling emotion I didn't understand how it would continue to change the way I look at my life. Perspective is how we decide whether we complain or smile. A changed perspective has changed my life. I'm sure anyone can tell I have a demeanor now a days of joy and an attitude that says, let's try. As opposed to my previous, "let's not" behavior.

With this in mind, a friend of mine was helping me figure out how to finish my last distance run. She met me at almost half, powered me through the 3/4 mark. And when I pressed her for a little help she refused to give me a ride home, as a good friend should have done! I was joyfully annoyed. But she did say this...You can finish the run. Talk to yourself, do the funny math, and then there's the mile of gratitude. When you get low, be grateful.

The highs and lows on the street are big, wide, swinging gaps. One moment I have energy and want to move fast, I want to take pictures of everything and savor it. It feels like dancing in Gods love. Other times I have to say to myself out loud "don't quit!" I breath fumes and feel despair at the distance still ahead me and my tender feet below as they grow blisters and bruises. Some how though leaving everything out there always levels me out. Walking on sore feet days later reminds me that sacrifice hard work and commitment are what is making me stronger both intellectually and physically.

So At mile 14, on said fumes with 6 miles to go I grabbed a hold of my girlfriends suggestion and out loud said everything I could think of that I could be grateful for. Most of them were small. Because I think it's easy to be thankful for the big stuff. Thank you for my children, and my job, and so on. It's all good but I tend to over look the tiny things. Like the smell of grass, oxygen or his choice to wake me in his love. They are all important. I spent a mile and then another half mile talking to God about many of the things I know that he has done for me. And found that it took my mind off of what I could do and put it squarely on what he has done.

This exercise took the despair of the distance away, melted my exhaustion just a little and it reminded me to forget about the feet that ultimately I would limp on the whole next day. It brought me home. As a rounded the corner to my street and my house it was unlike the previous training runs before. I didn't arrived there feeling like a truck had hit me. This time I didn't cry out of exhaustion. I jumped for joy. Shouting in my drive and down the street excited for the chance to be alive and live this moment. It will remain with me forever.

When I get low, be grateful. Yes of course it suits the human condition. But it's hard to remember how blessed we are when standing on blisters deep on our journey. Hoping for a ride, but feeling left on the side of the road and looking forward you find there is work to be done, looking back all we can see is the effort we've already used. I can't help but wonder how joyful I would be if I could do a better job at following Gods instruction to be joyful always and pray at all times.

1Thessalonians 5:16-17 Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, 18give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 

Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

[theoccasionalhuman]

march 18, 2023.

how do i heal. because of her i feel like someone cares. like i matter even if its just to one person. i know it's not good because i can't place that responsibility on one person. she's not responsible for my happiness but i don't know how else to be happy. ive lost all motivation to do anything and i feel completely useless. i've fallen behind in school, i have no job, i'm barely doing good in volleyball so the only thing i really have is her. the only reason i'm living right now is for her. but that's so fucking toxic. it's actually insane how toxic i am right now. i'm living to make her happy. i'm living so i get to spend more time with her and kiss her and hug her and just try to make her feel okay. it's all i look forward to anymore and i hate that. what happened to my hobbies. to be honest before her everyday was bland. i wasn't happy at all. no real friends that i liked, no real hobby that i was excited about, no real drive to do anything except school. at least i had that to rely on. i got good grades and i was proud of them. then things started to fall apart and i stopped caring. then i had nothing. she came at the perfect time and i took advantage of that. i put all my time and energy on her and for a while nothing else mattered.

but now i'm crumbling. i can no longer use her as a distraction from the real world. i have to face my shit head on because i can't hide behind my concussion anymore. i'm going to get my life back on track and graduate high school the same time as everyone else. we will continue dating but from now on it will not be a dependent relationship. this relationship will be there to boost each other up. we will be our own people with our own hobbies and passions, but when we come together it will just be an extra boost to keep us both going. i will start to put me first and focus on making myself happy before even attempting to make her happy because humans aren't meant to multitask. if i try to do both, i'll fail at both. i will not try to do too much at once. first i will focus on myself by prioritizing school and the gym. i will also start therapy again. then i will find a job. finally i can begin to incorporate her into my life again to make sure that there will be balance. during my period of adjustment i will still see her at volleyball, but it won't be the same. in hopes of maintaining this relationship (even if it's not the priority right now), i will hang out with her once a week - start incorporating date night instead of "hanging out" and sleeping over? the goal of this plan is to prevent our relationship from becoming "just" teammates. i still want her to know that i love her with all my heart and that i want to stay together because i think she's a beautiful and an awesome person with an amazing personality while still prioritizing myself. hopefully this will give us a chance to learn new things about each other and grow as individuals. i do hope that we will not grow apart during this time and that absence really does make the heart grow fonder. i just hope that she doesn't get bored during this time. i don't know how long i will take.

please don't leave me while i try to figure my shit out.

[skiller0dani]

Old Prison Blues | Spencer Reid

M A S T E R L I S T Criminal Minds Masterlist

smut | dom!spencer x bau!reader requests info w.c | 7.2k summary | when your husband Spencer gets released from Prison, he's much different then you remember.

I have it so bad for this man, enjoy! Also guys this piece made butterflies squirm in my belly lmao this one is so HOT it made me blush. Guys, it made me B L U S H. I need to go dunk myself in holy water to atone for this SIN. (just kidding lmao I'm agnostic).

you can see his bulge in this gif and I can't stop admiring looking at it.

When you were in college you'd been an undergraduate in Criminal Justice, so you were familiar with the effects Prison has on the psyche. In other words, you knew Spencer would come back different. No person could pass through Prison unscathed and frankly you'd be more concerned if he came back and nothing had changed at all. At home, he seemed to be relatively okay, and those 6 mandatory weeks of break had allowed him the rest he deserved. Nothing exciting had happened during those weeks, the only thing you did was curl up on the couch next to him and watch movies. You'd made up for all those weeks in Prison during the evenings when you would cling to him and cry out his name in ecstasy.

Spencer really did seem to be fine, until you returned to work. That's when you started to see all the ways Prison had hardened him.

At first, it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. If you were someone who knew Spencer well then you knew that he wasn't a man who was confident in his looks. When you and Spencer first got married he was insecure, and would be discouraged when you hung out with other guys. You wouldn't say he was jealous because jealously in itself requires a certain amount of anger. But when Spencer saw you around other men he wasn't angry, he was sad. Absolutely convinced you were going to leave him any second, despite you telling him you married him because you love him. Deep down, he always thought somebody would steal you from him even though you consistently reminded him how much you love him. That's just the kind of guy Spencer is.

Or, was.

The darkness that brews in Prison, the violent hatred, the anger seems to have followed Spencer to freedom. It has made a home in his chest, and while you're not worried about Spencer flying off the deep end and shooting an innocent, the anger reveals itself in much more subtle ways. It's in the way he clenches his jaw when he can't figure something out, or the blanching of his knuckles as he grips the steering wheel with a crushing force, it's the agitation in his eyes when he watches Alvez's knuckles brush against your lower back for the 3rd time since you two had arrived at the office this morning. The anger has adapted to civilian life like Spencer has, it's learned. It's subtle. Unfortunately you know Spencer almost better then he knows himself, you can tell when something is bothering him.

You slide your hands over his shoulders, and much to your surprise you feel him tense.

"You okay?" You know it's a stupid question, but you have to ask.

"Yeah, fine." Spencer's tone is clipped, shoulders rigid, back straight. Something is definitely bothering him. You squeeze his shoulders and begin to work at the tightened muscles, slowly easing them to relax. The tension flows out of him as he relaxes back in his desk chair, the frustration ebbing away slightly when his eyes catch your wedding ring. The object that binds you to him.

"Don't shut me out." You whisper, a soft plea in your voice. Spencer's heart wretches when he hears the fear in your tone, and one of his hands comes up to catch yours. He presses a chaste kiss to one of your knuckles before swiveling around to face you. You always find a way to soothe the violent, raging beast inside of him. Spencer's hands find your hips as he turns his gaze up to look at you.

"You're right I'm sorry. Just tense today." He says softly, and while there is a little lie to his words, his statement remains mostly the truth. He just leaves out the part where he pictures enacting varying forms of violence on Luke Alvez. The man who keeps unnecessarily touching his wife. You lean down to press a kiss to his forehead, your head snapping up when Garcia calls from the conference room.

"Got a case folks, and it's an ugly one." Her nose scrunches up into a frown before she turns into the room. You pull away from Spencer, yanking him to his feet by his hand. Luke sends you a playful wink as he trots up the stairs, and while you don't necessarily react to it, it still puts Spencer on edge. Deep down Spencer always knew you were way out of his league, but that never became clearer then when you came to visit him in Prison.

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You were trembling as you lowered yourself into the chair. Dried tears were on your cheeks, and you haven't even seen Spencer yet. The last time you saw him was a few weeks prior after he first got back from Mexico. Seeing his wrists bound in those metal handcuffs had broken your heart in a way you never anticipated. You wrung your hands together, luckily when Penelope had made the visitation Chart she scheduled you as the first person to come see him. The plastic chair was uncomfortable, but what was worse was the plastic guard separating you from Spencer. The clock ticked loudly, it was clearly mocking you. Reminding you of the seconds you were losing with Spencer, reminding you of all the seconds he was spending in Prison.

When you hear the buzzer scream loudly, you nearly come out of your seat you're so excited to see him. You and Spencer got married back in 2005, and you've never been separated from him for longer then a week. It's been over a month now, and each day he's not with you leaves a bigger hole in your chest. You watch him follow the other prisoners out, and the handcuffs around his wrists breaks your heart. His eyes light up the second he sees you, he nearly shoves the other guy over to get to you faster. There are tears in your eyes as Spencer's wrists are released from the cuffs from the guard standing nearby.

"Hey baby." Spencer says softly as he takes his seat across from you. All you want is to reach across the stupid barrier and touch him, hold his hand, anything. But you know the guards will punish him if he does, but being this close to him without being able to hold him is absolutely killing you. You try to blink the tears out of your eyes so that Spencer won't see, but it's all too much. Seeing him in a jumpsuit, with cuff bruises around his wrists, having to sleep in the same building as murderers. The first tear falls and you immediately look away from him.

"Please don't cry." Spencer begs softly. "I'm okay, really."

You wipe your tears before you look back up at him, digging around in your bag for a gift from Henry. You smile when you see the happiness cross onto his face as you pull the piece of paper out.

"Henry drew this for you, it's from when you guys went to the park." You hold it up for him to see and you try to fight another onslaught of tears when you see his eyes misting.

"You know, when I get out of here we should have one." Spencer says it so casually, you almost miss it. Your eyes nearly pop out of your head as you carefully lower the drawing.

"You want to try for a baby?" You can't hide the smile, and you see Spencer's eyes shine for the first time since he's been in here.

"Yeah, I want to have a baby with you." You and Spencer had a brief conversation about kids a few years ago, and you knew Spencer wasn't ready for it back then. His Father ran out on him and Diana when Spencer was just a kid, it made Spencer insecure about the type of Father he would end up being. In Spencer's mind, a fatherless man would never make a good Father. But it seems he's changed his mind. You had no issues agreeing to wait before you had kids until he was ready, you always knew Spencer would be a fantastic Father.

Suddenly from Spencer's right you hear a low wolf whistle. The tenderness that was on Spencer's face is instantly wiped away. His expression tenses, his jaw clenching as he turns his gaze to a large burly looking man covered in tattoos. The man sitting across from him, the one who was visiting, looked similar. Both of the biker looking men were eyeing me hungrily, it made my skin crawl.

"Something I can help you with?" Spencer asks, his voice tense. The tension in the room grows tenfold, and you fight the instinct to try and scoot closer to Spencer. The Biker looks Spencer in the eyes, a taunting smile on his face.

"That your sister?"

"Wife." Spencer snaps instantly.

"Your wife?" The Biker says incrediously, Spencer raises a brow, daring him to continue. "There's no way a woman with an ass that tight would marry a man as scrawny as you."

You expected to see insecurity flash in Spencer's eyes, instead all you saw was rage. Unbridled, violent rage.

"Choose your next words carefully." Spencer's voice was low, and as sharp as the edge of a blade. You almost didn't recognize him. The Biker leaned forward, fueled only by the knowledge that he was getting under Spencer's skin.

"She as tight as she looks? If I wasn't locked up, I'd fuck her so good she wouldn't even remember what your little pecker feels like."

Spencer's jaw clenches, and his fists curl tightly. The Biker is about 2 words away from a broken nose.

"Baby just let it go." You plead, and normally you don't really use pet names in public but right now you needed to show him that you're his.

"I'll tell you what Klein, I'll fuck her for you and tell you how it felt." The other man says, the man visiting. Upon hearing the words come out of his mouth, Spencer is shoving up from the chair but almost instantly a guard is tightly gripping Spencer's shirt and shoving him back into the chair. Spencer is fuming, and there's nothing you can do to calm him down.

"If you so much as lay a finger on her, your friend here will be dead before you can have another visit." Spencer hisses, and the two large men chuckle.

Spencer instantly took you off the visitors list, and while that felt like a blow to your heart you understood why. You didn't want to stress him out by visiting him.

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So, yeah, Spencer knew you were out of his league and when Luke pulled your chair out for you at the table before he had the chance to, it made his blood boil. Why is Luke trying to take care of you? Doesn't he know that Spencer has been released from Prison? You don't need anybody else to take care of you, your husband is more than capable of doing it himself. When Spencer sat down in the chair next to you, he rested one hand on your thigh. You're only slightly surprised, normally Spencer isn't this 'handsy' in public, but in recent weeks he's been more assertive around other men.

"The body of 23 year old Cassandra Richardson was found 2 weeks ago in Lincoln, Nebraska. Her body was mutilated and showed signs of sexual assault. Yesterday another body, 20 year old Francesca Williams was found around the same warehouse district with similar wounds to the first victim." Penelope rushes the words out, almost as though saying them pains her. Various images show on the screen of the two victims, both bloodied and battered.

"Other than similar injuries, what makes the local police think it's the same unsub?" Luke asks, his eyes flickering towards you for the briefest second. While Spencer was locked away, Luke became a shoulder to cry on. Normally when you were upset and Spencer wasn't around, you'd talk to Derek. But since he's been gone you've felt more isolated then you normally do. Luke had found you crying one morning before you had taken off, and ever since he's had an "older brother" protection over you.

"A tattoo on both of the victims thighs, the words 'temerata virginem' which is Latin for 'desecrated virgin'." With the click of a button on her remote, Penelope pulls up a photo of the tattoos. The lines are shaky, although they stay mostly straight.

"It almost looks professional, except the lines aren't perfectly straight. A professional would make the line work perfect." JJ says, examining the photo closer in the folder each of you received. You turn your gaze to Spencer when you feel his hand leave your thigh to examine the photo closer. You could practically see the gears turning in that beautiful mind of his.

"It's possible an outside source is causing a tremble in the unsubs hands, if he is a professional tattoo artist." Spencer mumbles, almost to himself. Sometimes when he's in deep concentration, he nearly forgets other people are in the room with him.

"Could be drugs-" Luke starts but is sharply cut off.

"Actually it's more likely to be alcohol, withdraw from other drugs would be too severe to operate the tattoo machine." Spencer snaps, causing a few heads to turn and look at him. Maybe under other circumstances someone would say something to him, but since Spencer got released from Prison only a few weeks ago, nobody says anything. Luke's eyebrows furrow together as he shoots Spencer a confused look, one Spencer chooses to ignore as his hand returns to your thigh. Spencer knows he's acting like a jerk but he can't help it, Luke needs to know who you belong to. Spencer had everything taken from him in Prison, he won't let anyone take you from him too.

"We've been personally asked by the local police to assist, so wheels up in 30." Emily concludes, shooting one more look at Spencer before everybody rises.

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The tension on the jet is thick, you're absolutely sure everybody can feel it. Hardly anyone has interacted with Spencer, except to ask him a question about the case. You sit back against the couch, Luke sitting in one of the chairs at the table, and Spencer sitting on the arm of the chair next to you. In your hand was a nearly empty cup of coffee, and just as you move to refill, Luke rises with his own empty cup.

"Need a refill?" He asks, offering you a friendly smile.

"Yeah actually-"

"I got it." Spencer says abruptly, standing from where he was sitting. His eyes meet Luke's, silently challenging him. You try to be understanding, but you can't help but feel annoyed at Spencer. If he was acting like this to some random guy then that's one thing, but this is Luke. He's your friend, he's Spencer's friend. Luke, and the rest of the team, put everything on the line to free Spencer from Prison.

"It's cool man, I can do it-" Luke offers again, but Spencer isn't having it.

"I said I got it." Spencer reaches his hand out for your mug, which you instantly give to him. His eyes don't leave Luke's until he turns around and heads to the back of the jet to refill your coffee. Luke pauses for a few seconds, his eyes meeting yours and mirroring the same look of concern before he heads for the coffee pot as well. Luke isn't even upset by how Spencer is treating him, he- like everyone else, is worried about Spencer's psyche.

"What is going on with Spencer?" JJ whispers once she's sure Spencer is out of earshot. You shrug, your worried eyes landing on your husband. His posture is tense, almost defensive.

"Well can you blame him? In Prison, everything that's yours can and will be stolen by the other male inmates. Now that he's free, Spencer is being protective of his wife, someone that is his and can be taken by other men." Rossi says, always naturally a tad protective of Spencer.

"There isn't a man on this planet that would make me leave Spencer." You say defensively, although you know Rossi didn't mean anything by what he said.

"That might be obvious to you, but not to Spencer." JJ says, eyeing Spencer standing back near the coffee machine.

"Doing okay man?" Luke asks hesitantly as he moves to stand next to Spencer.

"Yep." Spencer says shortly, waiting for the pot to brew. Luke feels the tension rolling off Spencer in waves, and it's all being directed at him and he's not sure why.

"Look, if I've done something to upset you, just talk to me about it Reid." Luke's voice is gentle, understanding. Spencer's jaw clenches again as the pot finishes brewing and he refreshes your cup before reaching for the creamer.

"I'm fine Alvez. Really." Spencer says again, but Luke isn't willing to let this go yet.

"No Reid, you're not-"

"Stop flirting with my wife." Spencer's tone is firm, and the look in his eyes tells Luke just how on edge Spencer is.

"You got it." Luke agrees instantly, even though he was never flirting with you. But he knows that right now arguing with Spencer will only make things worse. Seemingly satisfied with Luke's answer, Spencer carries your cup back you, slinging an arm around you.

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Spencer twists his wedding ring around his ring finger, something he does when he's stressed out or tense. You're currently sat in the interrogation room with the male suspect, a tattoo artist attending AA meetings, the tattoo on the first victim was the shakiest because he had just quit drinking. The other, more recent, victims tattoo's were more steady. The longer he stayed sober, the more his trembling faded. In Spencer's other palm is your wedding ring, you fit the physical preference of this killer perfectly, but he only went after single women. Emily thought sending somebody in fitting his victimology would throw him off enough to say something incriminating. In order for the rouse to work, you needed to appear single- meaning the wedding ring had to come off. The thought didn't settle well in Spencer's gut.

"You have to relax." JJ said suddenly from Spencer's right. He nearly ignored her but his frayed nerves were beginning to eat at him.

"I can't. Do you see the way he's looking at her?" Spencer was pacing back and forth in front of the one way glass like a caged animal, unable to take his eyes off of the train wreck happening in front of him.

"She can handle herself Spence." JJ insists gently, almost using a motherly tone to talk to him.

"She's mine!" And suddenly the crux of the issue comes to light, and Spencer pinches the bridge of his nose, releasing a heavy breath. JJ thinks about her words carefully, trying to find something to say that will calm him at least a little.

"Yeah, and nothing is going to change that Spencer. You need to relax, and you have to trust her. You're not in Prison anymore, nobody is going to take her from you." JJ says, looking him in the eyes. Suddenly the sound of metal screeching across a concrete floor sounds from behind Spencer and when he turns around, his blood boils hot in his veins. The suspect, Alan Baker, has shoved out of his chair and has started towards you.

"Spencer-" JJ's voice is distant, and comes too late. Spencer isn't listening to her anymore when his fist curls around the door handle and he nearly rips it off its hinges.

"You need to step back." Spencer snaps, reaching for his gun as Alan Baker backs you into the corner of the interrogation room. You weren't ever truly afraid, you could have handled Alan. Slowly, Alan backs away from you and Spencer instantly reaches for you. He leads you out of the room with a gentle but firm hand on your back. Once you're out of the interrogation room you turn to Spencer.

"What the hell? I could have dealt with him!" You insist, frustration laced in your tone. At this point JJ silently slips out of the room, giving you and Spencer some much needed privacy. Spencer crosses his arms as he leans back against the one way mirror.

"You didn't need to, I did." Spencer huffs and you seriously resist the urge to throw something at him.

"What is your problem today? You could have compromised my entire interrogation, he's never going to tell me anything now!" You snap, anger pinching at your features.

"Good! Now you have no reason to talk to him again." Spencer snaps back, can't you see that he's just protecting what's his?

"Spencer we're trying to save somebody! You're being selfish!" You say to him angrily, trying your best not to start yelling at him. Spencer's selfish possessiveness over you could have just ruined your entire investigation.

"This is why the Bureau was hesitant to reinstate you. They were scared you wouldn't be able to control yourself." You snap at him, crossing your arms.

"Are you saying they made a mistake?" Spencer asks incrediously, suddenly becoming defensive.

"Maybe they did. Because you're acting like an asshole right now. You've been a jerk to Luke the entire day when he busted his ass to help get you out of Prison and back to me! Since when have you not trusted me during an interrogation? What did you think was going to happen? That I was going to let him touch me? I thought you trusted me." You cry out, tears filling your eyes now. Spencer didn't say anything as you turned for the door, anger still laced in his features.

"This has nothing to do with me not trusting you-"

"If you don't trust me, then maybe you should just hold onto my wedding ring for a while. I don't want it." You snap quietly, and you regret the words the second they leave your lips. No matter how mad he makes you, you'd never leave Spencer. You watch Spencer's expression shift from anger to...hurt. He watches silently as you slam the door behind you. Prison has turned him into somebody he isn't, and Spencer doesn't know how to turn off this part of his brain. The part telling him that you belong to him, and that he needs to protect what's his.

Rossi catches the sight of your tear stained cheeks as you move back towards the kitchen in the precinct. You wipe your tears as he comes to stand beside you, and the look on his face tells you that he overheard your fight with Spencer. Rossi bumps you with his elbow gently, a small smile on his face.

"You don't look okay." He says softly and you let out a self-depreciating laugh.

"I'm not. I don't know how to help Spencer, he doesn't trust me." You say sadly, your heart breaking in your chest.

"It's not you he doesn't trust, it's other men." Rossi clarifies, although it does little to ease the pain. You reach up to brush your hair behind your ear when Rossi catches your hand, examining your ring finger.

"Where's your wedding ring?"

"Told Spencer I didn't want it." The words are laced with heavy regret, and when you remember the look on his face when you said it you almost start to cry again. Rossi wraps an arm around you, and you lean your head on his shoulder.

"Deep down, he knows you didn't mean it." He tries to reassure you.

"That's the problem, he probably thinks I meant it."

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Normally it only takes you and Spencer a few hours to smooth things over after a fight. But this time, it's been nearly 3 hours and you haven't spoken a word to each other. You're both working on searching through Alan Baker's financial records without speaking at all. Neither of you have said anything, and Spencer still has your wedding ring. You desperately want it back, but you don't know how to start that conversation. You're angry about how he's been treating everybody, and you feel like asking for your ring is accepting defeat. You're not ready to accept defeat. When Emily comes into the room, her eyes settle on the two of you.

"Okay, what's going on with you guys?" Her arms are crossed.

"Nothing." The word comes from both yours and Spencer's mouths at the same time, and you say it far too quickly. Emily raises one brow at the two of you before closing the door behind her.

"Alright I'm going to have to be a boss now. We are not going to lock this guy away if the two of you are fighting. We need everybody on their A-game. Fix it. Now, and I mean right now." She says, leaving the room but closing the door behind her. There's a suffocating silence that fills the room, both you and Spencer too stubborn to speak first. But you can't take it, you hate it when he's mad at you. You hate it when you guys fight, which isn't often but it does happen occasionally.

"I didn't mean it." You whisper, leaning on the table, facing away from him. Spencer doesn't say anything but you know he's listening.

"I didn't mean it Spencer, I want my ring." He'd be lying if he said he wasn't relieved to hear you say that, his entire world crashed down around him the second you told him to keep the ring. The irrational part of his brain told him you were going to divorce him.

"Can I please have it back?" You ask, barely turning your head to look at him. With a huff Spencer pushes away from the table to move in front of you. His eyes are focused on your hand, he has yet to look at you. Spencer fishes around in his pocket before he finds your ring and gently slides it onto your ring finger.

"You have to stop glaring at any man that gets to close to me, especially Luke." You tell him, but he continues to look away from you. Spencer pushes past you to stand near the windows, his back facing you. The thing about Spencer is that he's stubborn, really stubborn. You take a few steps towards him, nibbling on your lower lip.

"I love you Spencer, I'm sorry. I was an ass, but you acted like an ass too." You tell him, but Spencer only turns his head further away from you. You move to stand in front of him, but his eyes turn to the ground and his arms are crossed tightly. Seriously?

"Please talk to me Spencer, tell me what's going on." You can see the frustration laced in his features, there's something on the tip of his tongue that he needs to say.

"Spencer."

"After you left from your visit, do you know why I didn't let you come back?" Spencer snaps, his hands finding your shoulders to yank your body against his. Your chest collides with his and suddenly you feel a dampness building between your legs. You instantly turn to putty in his hands.

"I didn't let you come back because that asshole told everybody about you. Told everybody what a tight little body you have. Soon the entire cell block was fantasizing about my 'sexy wife'. Do you have any idea what it's like to listen to men constantly talk about fucking your wife?" Spencer's voice is tense, but you can see it. The lust building behind his eyes, the frustration, and the fear of losing you simmering underneath it all.

"N-No." Your voice is breathy, and your eyes are lidded as Spencer's hands slide up your arms to your shoulders.

"It's fucking hell Y/N. Every time I see any man look at you I want to rip his eyes out, and I can't turn it off. I've tried, and the way that Alvez looks at you- it drives me fucking crazy." Spencer snaps, the anger building by the second. Your entire body begins to hum with an intense need, and Spencer can see it in your eyes. Spencer releases you then and he turns for the door, at first you're afraid he's going to leave but instead he locks the door. Luckily it's late, so the police station is more deserted then it is during the day. Turning back to you, Spencer reaches for the blinds next and you can't help but follow his every movement with your eyes.

"Get on your knees." Spencer says suddenly, and you freeze in shock. Did he just say...?

"Get. On. Your. Knees." Spencer says again through clenched teeth, leaning back against the table, heat simmering in his eyes. His hands grip the edge of the table and you feel a throb from between your legs. Quickly you scramble onto your knees in front of him, your hands reaching up to undo his belt. Once the belt is unfastened, you're quickly unbuttoning his dress slacks, your eagerness making your hands a bit clumsy. Spencer has never been this dominant during sex, but you have no complaints. He has your knees weak and he hasn't even touched you. You quickly dip your hand into his boxers to pull his hardening cock out. As soon as his cock is freed, your lips are wrapping around the head. Spencer's head tosses back in ecstasy.

"Your lips look so pretty stretched around my cock. Those bastards could only imagine having you on your knees for them." Spencer snaps, his hand weaving into the hair at the back of your head. You moan softly around him at his crude words, slowly sliding down his cock. Spencer groans when he feels your tongue laving the underside of his cock, along the vein that runs from base to tip. Apparently feeling impatient, Spencer pushes your head further down his cock. He feels his tip right at the entrance of your throat, and with one gentle thrust he breaches your throat and his cock slides all the way into your mouth.

"Fuck," Spencer hisses, and Spencer does not curse often. So the fact that you have been able to draw curses from his mouth is nothing short of a miracle. Spencer's chest heaves slightly as you gag lightly around him, drawing another deep groan from his chest. You feel nearly desperate to please him, you need to make him cum. You want him to fucking pound you, you want him to use your body for his pleasure. You want him to release all of his frustration out on you, you want to be sore when he's done.

"You're mine. This is my body to touch and admire, my tight pussy to stretch open, mine." Spencer growls, thrusting gently to meet your hasty movements. You whimper around his cock, gagging slightly again as spit dribbles down your chin. Your eyes are wide and watery as you look up at him, and the sight of you nearly causes him to blow his load. You just look so fucking beautiful on your knees in front of him, drool on your chin and your mouth full of cock. It's a sight he will never forget. You move your head faster, keeping your eyes locked on his. Spencer squeezes the edge of the table, his head tossing back when his orgasm hits him. You feel his cum shooting in spurts to the back of your throat and you swallow every drop. Once you pull off him, Spencer is grabbing your elbows to pull you to stand.

Spencer's hands are reaching for the button of your dress slacks as his mouth presses messily to yours. Spencer's tongue pushes into your mouth, his hands pushing your pants down and you kick them off. Instantly, Spencer's fingers are sliding into your panties and through your slick folds. You whine loudly against his mouth, your eyes fluttering shut as his palm roughly cradles the back of your head.

"Need to make sure you know who you belong to." Spencer snaps as he pulls away from you, quickly pushing two long fingers into your dripping hole. You cry out before Spencer is slapping a hand over your mouth, your back pressed against the wall. Spencer's slender frame is leaning against you, effectively trapping you against the wall and his body. Your eyes are rolling when Spencer's finger crook inside of you while roughly thrusting into you.

"Gotta be quiet, wouldn't want Luke to catch us now would we?" Spencer breathes in the shell of your ear, sending goosebumps spreading over your skin. You are completely at Spencer's mercy and you wouldn't have it any other way. The pleasure shooting through you goes rocketing up your spine when Spencer scissors his fingers inside of you. You're mumbling incoherently against his palm, desperate pleas not to stop, to please let you cum. Your entire body is flushed, and you feel sweat on your skin like a sheen layer over you. Spencer feels you begin to squeeze around his fingers and he replaces his palm with his mouth, swallowing all of your moans and desperate cries.

Your back is arching as your high approaches, and you climb higher and higher to meet it. Spencer never lets up, his fingers steadily pumping into you and his lips muffling all of your cries of pleasure. The sounds you make are music to his ears, they tell him that you will always be his, no matter what childish fears he has. Your hands come up to unbutton the buttons on Spencer's dress shirt, you need to feel more of him. Before you can finish undressing your husband, his fingers nudge your cervix and you instantly clamp around his fingers, your body convulsing.

"You look so beautiful when you cum." Spencer praises, his cock rock hard again. He needs to be inside of you as soon as humanely possible. Spencer pulls away from you to grasp the base of his cock, no need to bother with protection. The two of you already agreed that you want to try for a baby anyway.

"Please baby, please get inside me. How could you think I'd ever leave you? I love you, and nobody could make me cum like you can." You moan desperately, turning to bend over the table. Spencer's hand runs up your spine, enjoying the way you wriggle your hips in search of his cock. There are butterflies squirming in your stomach as you spread your legs apart wider for him, but he still doesn't bring his cock closer to you.

"Oh c'mon Spence don't do this please. Baby, fuck me." You plead, nearly sobbing as you shamlessly beg. He presses his tip against your soaked entrance and you whine. You hear fabric rustling around and you turn your head just in time to see him pull his tie from around his neck.

"I needed to hear you beg for me, and this is to keep you quiet. As much as I love the sounds you make when I'm inside you, I can't let anyone else hear you." Spencer says, his voice low and rumbling from his chest. You open your mouth to let him tie the silk fabric in your mouth. You try to whimper but you gag around the tie in your mouth, and you see a pleased smile cross onto Spencer's face. Your fingers grasp at the edge of the table as you impatiently wait for Spencer to push into you. You feel his glorious cock nestled at your entrance, the tip barely nudging in. You feel another wave of slick gush out of you and Spencer is running his tip through your already drenched folds. Such a tease.

You whine softly, trying to push back against him. Spencer chuckles darkly before his hands grasp your hips to hold you steady. With one firm thrust, Spencer is breaching your folds and sliding deep inside you. You feel heat searing through you, your head dropping to the table as you whimper through the burn. The stretch burns more then you anticipated, and you hear Spencer groaning softly, which sends another wave of liquid heat rushing through you.

"God you feel so good baby, you take my cock so fucking well." Spencer praises, gently pulling out to slowly thrust back in. His eyes are locked on the place where you two connect, watching with hooded eyes as his cock disappears inside you.

"I wish you could see this baby, I love watching you take my cock." He praises through a soft moan, and you drink up every sound he makes. Spencer needed this so bad and you love the fact that you can give him a type of relief nobody else on the planet can give him. Spencer steadily thrusts into you when you both hear footsteps slowly passing outside the room. You expect Spencer to stop, to pull out of you and start redressing but he doesn't. He slows his pace considerably, but he still slowly thrusts into you.

"Shh, I would hate for whoever that is to see my cock buried in your pretty pussy." Spencer whispers as he leans forward to whisper in your ear. You struggle to contain the whimpers, but somehow you remain completely silent as Spencer gently thrusts into you. Once whoever it is passes by, Spencer resumes his quicker thrusts. His pelvis hits your ass with enough force to send you lurching across the table and your fingers scramble to find purchase against the smooth surface.

"This is my pussy, you're my wife, you're mine. Not Luke's, not that dick from the Prison. Mine." Spencer says, punctuating the words with a sharp thrust into you. You wished you could answer him, that you could cry to the heavens that you belong to Spencer Reid- that you never want to belong to anybody else. You settle for squeezing his cock whenever it returns to your velvety warmth, chanting the same word in your head over and over.

Yours yours yours yours yours.

Your forehead presses against the table, muffled and strangled cries escaping your lips every time Spencer hits deep inside you. His cock stretches you perfectly, and always hits places deep inside you. Places you didn't know existed. Soon you feel your orgasm creeping up on you, and you feel lightheaded so you reach up to yank the tie away from your mouth.

"Please make me cum Spence, I'm so close baby please don't stop." You beg, muffling your moans with your palm as he drives his cock into you. You feel sweat covering your entire body and Spencer holds your hips with a bruising force. You feel that coil winding tighter and tighter, and you release a high pitched whine when Spencer's hand snakes around your body to thumb your clit.

"Oh Spencer your cock feels so good, soo good baby. Always feels so good, fuck baby I love you," You're not sure what you're saying at this point, an incoherent mess of praises for the man above you. Spencer loves when he reduces you to this, speaking in a jumble of words and disconnected statements because you can't think with his cock inside you.

"I, shit, I love you-" Spencer gasps, slamming his cock inside you and rolling your clit before you're squeezing around him tightly, your mouth falling open in a silent scream. You cum in hot gushes around him and Spencer can only offer a few more stuttering thrusts before he's cumming with a loud growl, coating your walls in his hot cum. Spencer keeps his cock inside you, ensuring his cum stays inside you. He wants to get you pregnant. His palms gently hold your hips, and all the frustration he's felt all day has completely disappeared. His chest is heaving from the exertion but he feels more relaxed then he has all day. There's a smile on your face and your eyes are closed as your legs finally give out and you collapse against the table.

"You okay?" You hear Spencer's voice, and you can't help but smile when you hear that he's panting slightly. You hum with a smile on your face.

"I'm amazing." You mumble back, feeling Spencer begin to gently massage your back. You love enjoying the afterglow with him, even if you're laying on a table. Slowly Spencer pulls out, but he groans softly when he sees his cum inside your pussy. He reaches to the floor to pull your panties and dress slacks back up your legs and he quickly tucks himself back into his pants. He buttons the 4 buttons you managed to open on his shirt before he's gently pulling you to stand.

"You sure you're alright?" Spencer asks, concern in his eyes. You nod with a smile, but when he releases his hold on your shoulders, you feel your legs tremble and give out underneath you. Spencer immediately catches you and sets you down on the table. You laugh softly.

"Guess you fucked me good."

"Sorry." Spencer says sheepishly, but you press a chaste kiss to his lips.

"Don't be, that had to have been the best sex we've had in a long time." You mumble against his lips and Spencer hums in agreement. Reaching for his tie, Spencer shoves it in his pocket before he pokes his head out of the room you guys just defiled.

"Spencer, I'm so sorry about what I said. I love you so much, I didn't mean what I said about my ring-" You blubber suddenly, drawing Spencer's attention to you. He cradles your head against his chest, pressing kisses to your forehead.

"I know baby, it's okay. I love you." Spencer answers quietly, holding you to him tightly.

"I'm sorry I was a jerk today. I'm just so protective of you. I can't let anything steal you from me." Spencer admits softly and you cup his cheeks to make him look at you. There is a sadness in his eyes that you want to obliterate, you can't stand it when he's sad. It breaks your heart.

"Nothing could steal me from you. I only want you Spencer." You say quietly and you see tears misting his eyes. He presses his lips desperately against yours, and you feel tears cascading down yours and his cheeks. The kiss is wet, but it's passionate and you throw every ounce of love you have for this man into it. When you and Spencer part, your foreheads are pressed together.

"Hey Spence? How am I gonna get to the hotel. I can't walk." You say softly with a giggle and Spencer smiles mischievously.

"I guess I'll have to carry you." He scoops you bridal style into his arms then and you blush deeply when he carries you out of the room and towards the front entrance.

"Spencer! Everybody is going to know!" You whisper into his ear and he chuckles.

"Good."