#my latest posts are probably 1-2 weeks old now

[daisyeyes-sims]

i usually play sims in one big chunk of time and then stagger post through the week

[morning-star-joy]

what a wicked thing (Javier Peña x F!Reader) part 1

Unfinished & Discontinued

Pairing: Javier Peña x F!Reader, Post-Season 3

Summary: Javier Peña isn't just an asshole—he's the asshole who broke your best friend's heart by leaving her at the altar. When he returns to Laredo, you're determined to never give him the time of day. But it seems that Javier enjoys getting under your skin a bit too much.

Series Warnings/Tags: 18+ MDNI Enemies/Rivals to Lovers, Language, Alcohol/Cigarette Use, Mentions of Anxiety/PTSD, Angst, Slow Burn (probably), Eventual Smut.

Wordcount: 3k

A/N: Biting the bullet and sharing the first part of the Javi series I'm working on, to set up the premise and build up the courage to step outside my Joel comfort zone. And THANK YOU @thetriumphantpanda for being my beta reader for this, my Javier Peña expert, ily!!

part 2

There were times where you hated still living in the town you grew up in.

One of those times was when you had returned after you had tried, and ultimately failed, to get away from the small, suffocating community that was your hometown. 

You had left with the naive hope that you could create your own life, live for yourself, and only yourself, somewhere else.

When that didn’t work out, you had run back to Laredo, moving back in with your parents and hating every moment you stepped outside of the house, your every step followed by whispers and rumors of why you had come back so soon after graduating college.

You brought your hard earned Master's degree in Library Science back with you, using it to get the one local library up to par, and taking over when the last librarian retired. It was a good way to keep your head down and focus on something, ignoring the murmurs of conversation about you that surrounded you from every angle until eventually the speculation faded away.

Even when you had fully moved back in with a steady job, there was a voice in the back of your head screaming at you not to settle down there. 

You didn’t want to be stuck in this backwater hole in the middle of nowhere Texas for the rest of your life, unable to avoid seeing people who had known you from the moment you were born. People who knew every irritating detail, every aggravating blip in your life like the back of their hand—but where else was there to go?

Another one of those times you hated being stuck in that town was before you left to pursue your Master’s, wanting to stay by your best friend’s side when she decided to marry her first love.

And it was by her side that you stayed when that motherfucker jilted her, leaving her heartbroken at the altar and never so much as looking back.

Good riddance, was all you had thought when her ex-fiancé ran off to play the goddamn hero far, far away from where he could ever hurt her again. Asshole.

Only when Lorraine had assured you that she was okay, that you could get the hell out of Dodge and live the life you had always dreamed of, did you leave.

And then you came back.

And so did Javier Peña.

So now you found yourself in the latest of the moments where you despised being trapped in your hometown, and maybe the one where your ire towards the place was the greatest.

Because now you had to share it with him.

It was odd, and a bit disturbing, how well you were able to fit back into your old skin when you returned to Laredo.

You had always been known to be quiet and respectful. A thoughtful straight-A student, a faithful girl that never missed a Sunday service.

When you finally escaped, you were able to shed all of that off your body, turning it into something new, something sexy, something powerful.

You could be sharp and shrewd, daring and sinful. Anything you wanted. You could be, you could do, anything you wanted.

Until you did the wrong things, and then you found yourself back in your childhood room.

Back to being the shy little thing. Back to being the good girl.

All the growth you had made, it was gone within a week, fitting back into the box of what everybody in Laredo wanted you to be.

Polite smiles and faking laughter filled your days. The only time you found real joy were those moments in the library when nobody was bothering you, and you could get lost in the aisles, sorting and reading to your heart’s content.

You remembered one such day, how you were in a more chipper mood as you carried a box of back copies of recent newspapers down to the basement archives. 

The room was an asthma attack waiting to happen, but you didn’t mind the layers of dust, dirt, or the fire hazard. Instead, you found something magical about being surrounded by piles of that much history, local and far-reaching, not knowing what events you would read about if you reached out and grabbed the first paper to graze your fingertips.

Reaching into the box you had brought with you, you began to pull out and sort the papers, falling into an automatic process of sorting until you paused, fingers brushing against the picture of a face you recognized in printed ink.

It was older, maybe even wiser, but still just as capable of pulling a surge of annoyance from you. It was the same irritation you felt whenever you heard his name around town, followed by the most recent news of his efforts to end the drug wars.

Seemed like he had actually succeeded, based off of the article you were now glancing over. You read his name, staring at it as your eyes narrowed slightly, skimming over his accolades before shaking your head and tossing it back to the top of the pile to pick up and place in their rightful spot.

Part of you was a bit surprised that you hadn’t yet heard that he had taken down Escobar, but then you figured you had finally managed to shut out news around town of what he was doing every time you heard his name.

Good for him, you had thought with no small amount of bitterness as you turned off the light in the room before leaving.

Your grudge was childish, yes, but it was your best friend he had not only snubbed, but hurt. Deeply. Lorraine had issues with allowing herself to be happy in another relationship for years, until she finally got married to a man who actually did deserve her.

Deciding it was worth no more of your time, you shut the door behind you, leaving all memories of him amongst the cobwebs.

Or, you tried.

It seemed that fate had other plans for your locked up thoughts of Javier Peña.

After seeing that newspaper in the library’s basement archives, you began to notice his name mentioned more around town, but you still tuned it out, more as a knee jerk reaction at that point than intentionally so.

You were almost mad at yourself for this mechanism to preserve yourself from unnecessary annoyance when you came face to face with him for the first time in nearly a decade, completely unprepared and fully taken aback.

Old habits were hard to shake, and you were sticking to Lorraine’s side for most of Danny’s wedding, sharing knowing smiles and old jokes whenever you could duck your heads together during the reception.

So of course the moment when you left to use the bathroom, Javier fucking Peña had taken your place by her side when you returned.

You froze at the edge of the room, heart in your throat as you watched them stand together, looking as handsome a couple as the day before he left her waiting at the altar.

Javier flashed her that heartstopping smile, and you stiffened, jaw ticking as you realized he was flirting.

Flirting.

With his ex-fiancée.

You scoffed, arms crossing over your chest as you watched, anger bubbling in your chest as he had the audacity to sit next to her, to lean in close and talk to her with those stupid big brown eyes that could melt the coldest of hearts.

Shaking your head, you quickly turned away, passing by Randy as he gave you a smile that you returned by reflex. When he paused to ask if you were okay, you murmured an affirmative, continuing on your way and only looking back to watch with a sick satisfaction as your best friend’s husband walked right up to where she sat with her ex and sent him packing.

Still, you didn’t pause in your steps until you were outside, far away from the constant commotion of these big town events as you pulled out a pack of cigarettes from your purse. You placed one between your lips and flicked your lighter until it was lit, finally finding relief as your lungs were filled with that sweet rush of nicotine.

That was one habit that you hadn’t managed to kick since returning to Laredo, even though you had managed to hide it well from those that it would concern.

So distracted by the relief the cigarette offered, you almost didn’t notice the moment where you were no longer alone.

But you had always been a bit more anxious than most, and you picked up on the sound of movement near you.

Turning with your cigarette pulled from your lips, you were ready to hastily stomp it out when you saw that the other person who had found your hiding spot was none other than the one whose presence had driven you out here.

Javier didn’t seem to notice you for a moment, spitting a wad of gum into the grass as he placed his hands on his hips and stared out into nothing. When he closed his eyes and rubbed a hand over his face, you were almost foolish enough to think you could sneak away without getting his attention.

But when you moved, a breeze shifted past you, carrying the smoke from the cigarette you had yet to snuff out right over to him.

Javier froze.

You froze.

His hand fell from his eyes, face lifting into the air as he sniffed once before turning his head right towards you.

Fuck.

You made eye contact with Javier Peña for the first time in—shit, you didn’t even know when you actually last had a conversation with the man, or even had his attention on you. Whenever you were around him before, you were with Lorraine, so his focus was most definitely not on you.

Even then, you were never Lorraine’s most bubbly friend, even though you were her closest. You preferred to stick to the edges of a crowd, Lorraine liked to be in the center, and Javier wanted to be with her.

Until he didn’t.

You couldn’t control the way your eyes narrowed slightly, even as Javier’s gaze flickered from your face to the cigarette in your hand, still blowing smoke from your fingers directly towards his face with the direction of the breeze.

His eyes moved back to you then, moving down your form, up again and—Jesus, was he checking you out?

Really?

You could almost laugh, but you were struck silent in that moment, too taken aback by the bizarre circumstance you found yourself in as Javier took a step closer towards you.

“Hey there,” Javier greeted almost hesitantly, looking at the cigarette again, and suddenly, you felt a surge of spite in that moment as his fingers twitched at his side. 

Clearly itching for a cigarette of his own, and probably hoping he could get one from you.

Bringing your cigarette back up to your lips, you took a long, slow drag of it, trying not to smirk at the way he licked his lips as he watched you hold the smoke in your mouth for as long as you could before blowing it out.

The puff of smoke carried right back towards him on the breeze, and Javier swallowed thickly, an autonomic reflex from the nicotine craving before he glanced from your mouth back up into your eyes, his own gaze darkening, lips pulling up into his own small smirk he clearly wasn’t even trying to hold back and—

No.

You reached back into your purse to grab the box of cigarettes, flicking your wrist to send it flying to him, not bothering to glance back to see if he caught it as you turned on your heel to walk away.

Still, you heard the sound of the small box being clasped between his large hands behind you, and you threw your cigarette to the ground, crushing it under your heels as you walked away.

“Can I—”

“Figure it out,” you said blandly, surprising yourself with the amount of venom in your tone as you left Javier standing there, with a half-full box of your cigarettes and no way to light them.

You hoped you’d never have to see him again.

Javier knew you.

He knew that he knew you.

But he couldn’t remember you.

And it was driving him fucking crazy.

That moment where he had run into you outside of Danny’s wedding, when you had blown the smoke directly into the breeze so it carried to his face, it hadn’t been an act of seduction.

He was used to flirting—lidded eyes with pupils blown wide, licking lips with batted eyelashes, chests with tempting cleavage pushed out to beckon him in—but you had been doing none of that.

Your arms had been crossed over your chest, eyes narrowed slightly in a show of what almost seemed to be defiance. A challenge.

And, fuck, that look was far more attractive than any way you could have intentionally seduced him.

Old habits die hard, and Javier couldn’t help but give in to both that craving for nicotine, and something a bit more satisfying in that moment as he looked over you, taking in your curves that were only slightly accentuated in the modest, pale pink sundress you wore. He wondered just what you were hiding underneath that thin fabric, what you would look like—

Javier had blinked himself out of the unabashedly horny thoughts that had begun to stir inside his mind, catching the box of cigarettes you had tossed towards him before it hit him right in the face.

Some part of him thought he kind of deserved that hit, wincing anyway with a small surge of guilt at how quickly his mind had turned towards the desire for sex—back in Laredo for only a day, and he was searching for the nearest pussy to wet his dick.

But then you had cut him off before he could even finish trying to ask you for a light—purely innocent, he lied to himself—telling him those three sharp words that had stuck with him even as he fled Laredo as quickly as he had returned.

Figure it out.

There was an undertone to those words that Javier couldn’t quite (ironically) figure out—a twinge of an emotion almost akin to bitterness, and he found himself staring at the back of your head as you disappeared back into the building, wondering to himself who the fuck you were and why he had never seen you before.

But the more he thought about it, replaying that infuriatingly short interaction in his head the whole trip right back into the world of fighting a losing war he had trapped himself into again, the more Javier got the strange sensation that he did know you.

But he couldn’t place you, couldn’t remember what he could have done to make somebody in Laredo treat him that way.

Maybe he was just a masochist, but something about the whole thing intrigued him. 

You couldn’t have been a one-night stand—he didn’t start having those until after he escaped his hometown, having spent most of his youth there with Lorraine or a few other girlfriends wrapped up in his arms.

So what did that make you?

Why did you speak to him so apathetically?

Why did you still give him your cigarettes?

Why couldn’t he stop thinking about you?

Javier sat on the edge of his bed one night, back in Colombia with a new woman asleep in his bed. He flicked the top of the cigarette box open with his thumb, holding the flickering lighter up with the other so he could read the four words scrawled in sharpie across the inside of the lid.

You can do this.

Obviously the words were not meant for him. You had probably been so eager to rid yourself of his presence, for whatever reason that he was driving himself crazy trying to figure it out, and forgotten you had written it there.

Still, Javier found himself looking at it a moment too long whenever he needed a cigarette, wondering who you were and why you needed that message written for yourself each time you itched for some nicotine.

Figure it out.

But it was that blunt phrase that stuck with Javier the most, ringing in the back of his head whenever he hit a roadblock or felt like he was forever moving backwards in trying to end the pain this godforsaken unwinnable war caused countless people. 

Innocent people. 

People he couldn't save.

People whose death he was responsible for.

There was no encouragement in your voice when you had spoken to him. No idolization for a hero that everybody else in Laredo treated him with—even Lorraine had shown it in a way, insinuating that he had ended up where he wanted to, where he needed to be.

In cruel, cold reality, Javier could hardly fucking sleep at night. Haunted by the things he had seen, the things that he had done because of what he had seen.

And on those nights, he’d open up that cigarette box, studying the curves of your lettering even when he had smoked through all the cigarettes in it, except for one.

Wondering.

Strangely enough, he found himself relying on the straightforward sentiment you had told him at the wedding more than the encouraging one on the inside of that lid, the indelicate way you spelled out exactly what he needed to do.

Figure it out.

Because that was what Javier had to do.

It was all he could do.

Figure out a way to end this fucking cesspool of corruption, once and for all.

Then maybe he could go back home and actually look his father in the eye.

Maybe he wouldn’t despise himself when people he had known all his life lauded him as a hero.

Maybe he could return that last cigarette with its original owner, figure out who the fuck you were, and why you seemed to be the only person who didn’t see him as something he wasn’t.

Figure it out.

He would.

He had to.

[skymaiden32]

Bad News

AO3 link here

Fandom: Thunderbirds, Stingray

Tagging: @dragonoffantasyandreality @thundergeek59 @janetm74 @katblu42 @liseylou @amistrio @uniwolfcorn (Please ask if you would like to be updated when I update or post new stories.)

Gordon gets a call from Marineville.

Set in the Mariana Trench-verse.

Continuity: TOS

------

Gordon had been enjoying the peace and quiet, floating along the pool’s surface, savouring the moment. And then all hell had broken loose…

“Alan Shepard Tracy, you get back here right now!”

The youngest Tracy brother’s impish grin was audible as he taunted his unfortunate target. “You’ll have to catch me first, Virg!”

A third voice joined the fray, calmly attempting to quell the flames of the brewing argument. “Alright fellas, that’s enough.”

Virgil growled lowly. “Easy for you to say, Scott. It’s not your Thunderbird that has ‘Thunderbird 3 rules, Thunderbird 2 drools’ written all over it!” The silence was deafening. “In bright pink paint!” Okay, even Gordon had to admit that was going a little too far.

“He did what?!” …And big brother’s calm was gone. Gordon didn’t need to look up to picture the look on Scott’s face. He’d been on the receiving end of what they all liked to call The Stare more than anyone else. And he certainly didn’t envy Alan right now.

The aquanaut whistled, drawing everyone’s attention to him. “You want my opinion?” He took their silence as a yes. “Make him clean it up, then ground him for a month.” He moved off of his back, and swam towards his brothers, stretching as he did so.

“I’m not a little kid anymore!” Alan protested.

Virgil huffed, still a little annoyed with the prank, but at least Gordon could hear the amusement in his voice. “Gordon probably means grounding as in no missions, not staying in your room.”

Alan grumbled. “Same thing to us, isn’t it?”

“Should’ve thought of that before doing it then.” Scott folded his arms. “You’ll definitely be cleaning that up, immediately.” Alan sighed, accepting his fate. “I’m not going to ground you, since I have to stay to manage the island while Dad’s away and someone has to fly Thunderbird 1. Wait a few hours though and you’ll have a fresh job lined up.”

Their little brother slumped over, trudging over to the scene of the crime. “I better get to it, then…”

“Yeah, you better.” Virgil’s voice followed him. “You never know when we’ll be needed on call!”

“Speaking of Dad,” Gordon hauled himself out of the pool, and grabbed the towel he’d set aside earlier to dry himself off, “what’s the latest from Tracy HQ?” Their father had been called into an urgent meeting with Tracy Industries’ Board of Directors earlier that week, and from what they’d heard from him so far, it was a real doozy.

Scott sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Nothing good, I can tell you that…”

Virgil whistled lowly. “That bad, huh?”

“Yep.” 

“How long do you reckon he’ll be?” Gordon asked.

“I’m not really sure.” Their eldest brother shrugged. “The end of the week at the very least…”

Gordon ran a hand through his wet hair. “Well, I hope he gets back soon.” He started, throwing a cheeky smile in Virgil’s direction. “Too much stress is bad for you. Ages you by about a century.” Virgil smirked, catching on. “Ooo,” Gordon made a show of it, pointing at a random spot on Scott’s head, “is that a new grey hair?”

Virgil rubbed his chin. “You know, I think it might be, Gordon.” He hummed. “Either that or it’s an old one and big brother’s hair dye isn’t working anymore.”

“Haha. Very funny.” Scott deadpanned. “I’ll have you know that this,” he pointed to his hair, “is all natural.”

Gordon leaned in. “Are you sure?” He stage-whispered. “You are getting very old, Scooter. We’re just looking out for you…” He put on his best innocent face.

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure I saw some crow’s feet the other day.” Virgil added.

“Alright fellas, cut it out, will you?” Scott rolled his eyes, smiling fondly as his brothers snickered. Back in the lounge, the phone rang loudly. “I’d better get that. Might be Dad…”

They watched as their brother disappeared back inside the house. Virgil threw a grateful glance in Gordon’s direction. “Thanks Gords. I needed that laugh, even if it’s at Scott’s expense.”

“At least Scott’s a good sport about it. We wouldn’t dare make those jokes if it genuinely upset him.” Gordon chuckled, and Virgil nodded in agreement before the aquanaut changed the subject. “Don’t want to strangle Alan anymore?”

“Oh no, I’m still gonna kill him.” The pilot smirked. “My improved mood just means he has more time to plan his escape route.”

“It better be a good one then.”

“Gordon!” Scott’s voice drifted out towards them from the house. “It’s for you!”

Virgil followed his brother upstairs and into the lounge, where Scott was waiting with the video caller on. “Is it Dad?”

Scott shook his head, looking at Gordon. Based on the look on his face, they could tell it was pretty serious. “WASP business…”

Gordon quickly made his way over to where the grim face of his old Commander sat. “Commander Shore.” He nodded respectfully, suddenly very aware of his lack of clothes. “What can I do for you?”

Shore took one look at Gordon before speaking. “I’m going to assume that you just went swimming, Lieutenant Tracy.” Gordon nodded. “Then I’ll say no more about that.” He cleared his throat. “I called you to give you an update, and to make you an offer.”

The aquanaut frowned. “It must be pretty big, if you’re calling someone who left the WASPs a long time ago.”

“I realise this must be confusing, Tracy. But in truth, we’re in a tight spot.” Gordon gestured for him to continue, and Shore sighed. “Stingray is short a crew member.” Gordon’s eyes widened. “We don’t know for how long, quite possibly a good while.”

“Who? And how?” Thunderbird 4’s pilot asked, immediately worried for his old friends. He needed to know the full story.

Shore gave him an apologetic look. “I’m afraid I can’t tell you the full story, Tracy. Former WASP or not, you no longer have Marineville clearance.”

“At least give me something, Commander.” Gordon pleaded. “They’re my friends. I need to know if they’re okay.” Out of the corner of his eye, the aquanaut saw his older brothers inching closer, ready to offer comfort in any way they could. Gordon found himself feeling incredibly grateful for it. The Commander just shook his head. Gordon sighed, changing the subject. “You mentioned an offer?”

Shore seemed thankful for the change in topic. “As you know, you served temporarily on Stingray under Captain Holden before Lieutenant Griffiths took over hydrophones.” Gordon nodded. “I’m inviting you to return to active service as a temporary replacement to fill the position on Stingray’s crew. I would be able to give you the full story then. Of course, you don’t have to accept, and I wouldn’t blame you if you didn’t want to leave Thunderbird 4 without a pilot, but…” 

“Thunderbird 4?” Gordon pushed his astonishment that Shore knew the truth far beneath the surface, attempting to play it off as a case of mistaken identity. In the background, Scott and Virgil looked as if they’d seen a ghost. “With all due respect sir, you must be mistaken. How could I possibly be an International Rescue operative?”

“Quite easily, I think you’ll find.” Shore smiled. “The stunts I’ve heard Thunderbird 4 pull off, well, there’s a few men who are capable of them, but there’s only three aquanauts I can think of who would actually try, one of them works for me, another I don’t know the location of. The third one is you.” Gordon could say nothing to change the older man’s mind. The Commander grinned in triumph, knowing he was correct. “Don’t worry. Your secret is safe with me…” He didn’t dare mention that he’d guessed it was his old friend Jeff who was running the whole outfit, thus making International Rescue a family affair.

“I’ll hold you to that.” Gordon muttered, and frowned in thought. “Well, for that reason, Commander, I’m afraid I’ll have to reject your offer to rejoin the Stingray crew. As much as I enjoyed my life at WASP, it’s time for me to stay close to my family…”

Commander Shore smiled. “Of course, I understand. Before I let you go though, I will give you some advice…” Gordon raised an eyebrow in curiosity. “Be careful who you trust, Gordon Tracy. Even our closest friends can cut us deeply. And the funny thing about betrayal is that it never comes from an enemy…” He moved to sign off. “I wish you luck, and good day.” 

Gordon was faced with a black screen, playing the Commander’s last words to him over and over again in his head. The knowledge that his old Commander knew he was an International Rescue operative was the least of his worries. Betrayal never comes from an enemy… Shore had told him the truth of what had happened all this time. A member of the Stingray crew had gone rogue. 

He was barely aware of what was going on around him. His brother's voices were right next to him, asking if he was okay and begging him to say something, but all he heard were whispers. He could see Virgil in front of him, shaking him gently, but he seemed so far away. He felt Scott wrap an arm around him in a sideways hug, slowly leading him elsewhere, but felt nothing. He just felt… numb.

The next time he was aware of anything, he was sitting on a flat rock, looking out towards his favourite place, the ocean, next to his favourite people in the whole world. He lifted his head off of Scott’s shoulder, stretching out his tired limbs, and just sat with his brothers, watching the sun go down on the horizon.

Alan came down from the house with an ice cold glass of water, which Gordon took gratefully. The youngest Tracy sat between Gordon and Virgil, loath to get between Smotherhen and his current concern. The four of them just sat in silence, worries and feuds of the day put aside temporarily...

[luigiblood]

Some thoughts about Nintendo Switch Online retro games since last time

This is essentially going to be not much of a post but I guess I could talk about a few things about its future since with all the updates that we got since last time.

We'll talk about UI code, Pokémon, NES, Fire Emblem and N64.

UI code upgrade

Literally the next day since my last post about it, on March 16th, Nintendo added new NES, SNES and GB titles. Under the hood, they did do a massive change to the user interface programming, bringing pretty much every NSO app to the latest user interface codebase that GB and GBA NSO had.

That said it brings absolutely no visible changes, NERD has just made sure to bring everything up-to-date. This is just more stable and probably easier to program and manage UI code.

Pokémon Stadium 1 & 2

On April 12th, Nintendo released Pokémon Stadium to NSO + Expansion Pack, and with no Transfer Pak support.

Of course, what did I even expect since there's no old mainline Pokémon titles yet (if ever?).

My opinion about Pokémon on NSO is that it will get stuck to only spinoffs. My worst case realistic scenario (aside from no rerelease) is Pokémon Company selling the old gens at $15 piecemeal (yes, $5 more than on 3DS Virtual Console).

Personally I expect Pokémon Company to be very strict about Pokémon management, and those games are highly abusable with glitches, honestly and are kind of region locked, too to some extent especially between japanese and international players, but they still bothered to rerelease them and supporting them with a way to transfer your Pokémons out of the games. It's also abusable if you supported the Transfer Pak in Pokémon Stadium titles since they also work like extra boxes for your Pokémons and those support save states, which was explicitly removed out of the 3DS Virtual Console release...

They did also release Pokémon Stadium 2 this week, also without Transfer Pak support.

I did look at the emulator really quick and did find that they added new functions for Lua script hacking for the games, and it does kinda look like they rebuilt the entire thing from a new version at least.

I'll speak more about N64 emulation later.

Mystery Tower

Fast forwarding a bit, on June 6th, Nintendo added more NES, SNES and GB titles. One of them was Mystery Tower by Namco.

This bothered me, because I knew what this game was, but the title did absolutely not sound right. Turns out this title is actually brand new, they had this title in their collection, the original title was "BABEL" which is interesting since this means it is a first case of title change hacks on NSO. That said I did eventually find out that Japan also had a title change to "The Tower of Babel", which was also done in collections, but also the Wii U Virtual Console release!

Anyway please try this puzzle game, just keep in mind the direction and how you can turn around stuff based on how you face it.

Fire Emblem

On June 23rd, Nintendo released Fire Emblem for the GBA NSO app. But Japan also had Fire Emblem: The Binding Blade, the actual first GBA Fire Emblem title, as we only started to get these games since the second GBA title.

I'll refer to them as FE6 (The Binding Blade) and FE7 (Fire Emblem) from now on.

This update was interesting for a couple reasons.

It just so happens that the japanese version of FE7 can link to FE6's completed save files to unlock a couple things in the game.

So now, when you go into multiplayer, after the first player selects FE7, the second player is allowed to select either FE7, or FE6 for "Link Cleared Save Data" (official english text). Another player can simply share their save files to another player.

This also means that the GBA app now has the ability to load different games for each player depending on the choice of the first player who serves as the host.

(This screenshot is me messing around with the functionality.)

However this is not the only noteworthy thing to happen, because it wouldn't feel fair for a single player to not being able to transfer their own FE6 saves to FE7. Well, they did actually implement a hack for single player too!

They actually reimplemented the linking process inside the emulator just to avoid emulating a second GBA for it, and it would seamlessly transfer the save data just fine.

If you're wondering about what it unlocks, a quick read made me figure out that it skips Lyn's story, and add new scenes to the epilogue and other small additions as well. Those new epilogue scenes are available in the US version by default, but not in the EU versions for some reason. They can also be accessed in the JP version without a save transfer by finishing the game 9 to 11 times (what the heck).

This functionality working as it is really cool, honestly, and it makes a process less painful to do like it was back then, and it did make me feel confident in the transfer of data between games like with Golden Sun & Golden Sun: The Lost Age or the Zelda Oracle games... speaking of...

The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Ages/Seasons

Those two games ended up randomly coming at the end of July this year. They are known for being two parts of a fuller story if you link each of them from whatever order you start them with.

And that's where my disappointment came in to remind me of the terrible reality that is Nintendo Switch Online.

It is doable for two players to share their save files to each other through multiplayer, but if you wanna do the games yourself on your own in single player, you'll have to input the password you get from the other game.

That is kinda sad considering it's the first player who selects the save file from the other player, it could have been very easy to setup in a way that's easy to use without needing to implement any specific user interface, but that didn't quite happen.

I hope they'll bother for Golden Sun considering the tiers of password this game can have with Golden Sun: The Lost Age, but I am starting to think if the game does offer a way to transfer without needing any additional work, they wouldn't do it. In the case of Fire Emblem, this way of save transfer was the only way to do it.

I did not mention much about this, but Oracle of Ages/Seasons are also known for having exclusive content if you play those games on a Game Boy Advance. After looking into it though, it does not seem like we're missing much, but it's kinda sad that they're not really in their most definitive way to play them.

Pokémon Trading Card Game

Two weeks after those last two games, Pokémon Trading Card Game and Pokémon Stadium 2 were released.

The cool thing about this game, is that they emulated the infrared communications.

At least, Card Pop does work, for sure, which does require emulation of the IR communcation... or does it?

Upon a quick inspection of the emulator code, I found out that the emulator does indeed patch the game ROM's functions, and thanks to the disassembled Pokémon Trading Card Game offering me a lot of information, I found out that they absolutely don't emulate the IR communications at all and outright replace the IR functions to point to a invalid 0xDD opcode (opcodes are small commands that CPU executes)... which probably points to a function in the emulator to specifically manage this. Ain't that funny? In any case though, they do at least let all IR communications work just fine, and that's what matters.

(For the nerds who wants to look this up, the emulator keeps SHA1 hashes of the ROM you can easily search for, then points to a struct of 100 bytes original to compare, 100 bytes to patch, address, size, and something else I don't get.)

I ended up looking this up as someone pointed me to this video:

It turns out in the original game, one of the cards, the Phantom Venusaur, is impossible to obtain due to a mistake in the calculations of the odds, on which this video explains very well in detail.

This is the reason that motivated me to look at how the emulator might patch the game, and see if they fixed this issue: They did not fix this problem, I see no patch for any of the relevant code for this.

So, NERD, if you're reading this, look at 06:5D92, you can definitely fix this in one way or another.

N64 emulation

So... the Pokémon Stadium 2 release at least updated the emulator in some way, because they added new functions for the Lua scripting for N64 game hacks, and some of the UI engine stuff got shuffled around.

Then I tried some of the games, to see if some things got fixed:

F-Zero X did NOT get its framerate drop fixed.

Goldeneye's Dam level has texture tiling fixed. Interesting.

Since I noticed this last thing, it was pointed to Graslu00 who knows the game in and out and already compared the emulation of the game on NSO and Xbox... to a disappointing degree.

Here's his thread about the fixes... or rather the lack of: https://twitter.com/Graslu00/status/1688994099477528576

The update did also some additional fixes to Pokémon Stadium 1, though I don't really know much about it other than it relates to rendering and soft reset in some way.

Unfortunately the N64 emulator is still not up to snuff, but I think the most annoying thing is still the controls. The default controls suck, let us change them in the emulator, per game! Offer also better stick emulation!

It still pains me to rely on the Switch OS remap feature, it's not good for this, it messes too much with some of the macros, it sucks!

It annoys me when I see the text "Change Control Method" in the emulator files too, you guys clearly thought about it! Why isn't it a feature after months with nothing?

Future releases

There's still a couple N64 games left that were explicitly announced for 2023, such as 1080° Snowboarding, Excitebike 64 and Mario Party 3.

That said Japan also had plans for release of Harvest Moon 64 (which I see no reason why we can't get it now that Harvest Moon SNES got released since), but also Goldeneye 007, on which Japan has it on the highest age rating (CERO Z).

Considering how the plans are going and how lazy everything is (sorry devs, I'm sure you guys know already, but most of the results of this just don't impress me and don't fill me with confidence aside from GB/GBA somehow), I just think N64 NSO will randomly get a 18+ rating and put every N64 game under parental control bullshit out of nowhere with no warning for Japan.

Also, where's the alternate languages for NES and SNES games?

[gildedmuse]

Hey, I thought I might start with an introduction. This is my latest rough draft of my next All Hearts chapter.

I'm posting this for two reasons:

1. To prove that I'm still alive and writing.

2. Because I actually am still alive - there were a couple of moments where that was on the rocks - and while I know I've been horrible at updating this fic it's always on my mind. I'm always thinking of it, even after weeks spent in hospital. And, okay, maybe I just posted because I need some reassurance that some single individual out there is still reading it. Maybe I just wanted to prove I wasn't dead, despite what it may seem. Maybe I'm hoping All Hearts still has a fan out there and this little start to the next chapter might make them happy.

I mean, go on and judge me for being an attention whore or whatever, but you know what!? This attention whore is still alive! (Barely)

All Hearts

Chapter IX Surgical Incision (Part I, incomplete)

The midday sun passes over Amazon Lily with a leisurely, almost inattentive and lazy amble. Perhaps without packs of clouds bustling by and the wind not pushing and shoving for the whole day to get a move on and take that warm feeling of safety with it, the days don't feel so rushed along. They have time to linger, the way the sun is now. Just hanging over them, beating down on them with its undiminished heat.

Down at The Gulf of Women, the only spot on Amazon Lily her majesty queen of the pirates (and probably a list of other titles Law quickly tuned out) would allow them to dock (Ikkaku and Beluxa had rejected further invitation, sticking with their crew) even with the sea right there, the air is still. Occasionally on a whim the smallest of breeze will barely brush at the grass beneath their feet, stirring it ever so slightly, but as if with the purpose not to disturb it in any meaningful way. Instead, it only adds to the perfectly serene atmosphere of this island in the middle of the calm belt.

The weather might have been nothing out of the ordinary for the Amazons, but it's not entirely unfamiliar to the Heart Pirates, either. They knew this eerie stillness, the harshness of the sun watching down, waiting for the show to begin. Its sunbeams danced off the placid, mirrorlike surfaces of the untroubled water, and while the weather itself may not show any sign of changing, every North Born pirate can imagine the way the air and sea must begin to churn.

There is a storm brewing out on that windless, waveless little corner of the Blues. A dark, dangerous storm unlike anything the calm belt could possibly be prepared for, and every second it waited under the tranquil scene of Amazon Lily's more clouds and destruction started to take form.

"How can that be all you have to offer me?" Law stands in the center of his crew who, having seen their fair share of Northern storms, knows when a what could be your normal everyday ice and darkness sort of affair can just as easily flip a switch and suddenly turn into a full on natural disaster. One they had no intention of seeing themselves caught inside.

Silvers Rayleigh, right hand of the Pirate King and one of the most legendary names of all the seas, also kept some space from

--------

"You mean to tell me." The crew glances over at their captain before sharing an anxious look among themselves. They definitely didn't want to raise the suggestion that Law get angeried with the legendary pirates, but the calmness in Law's demeanor somehow fails to reassure any of them. "That the man they call the dark king is little more than a victim of good luck?" Law's eyes flash as he looks up to meet the old man's curious gaze; the first lightning bolt that gives warning to the oncoming storm finally building up and ripping through the sky. "Not even my own crew was sure where we would end up with Mugiwara-ya bleeding out in our ship."

"You clearly knew where the boy would end up, one way or another." Law doesn't make the claim with the same sort of cocky attitude he might have used only a day or two earlier, he doesn't have the luxury of such confidence now even when it would appear he had Rayleigh pinned down with the facts. Because the old man could still refuse to answer his question, in which case it doesn' matter if Law caught him in a lie or not, it wouldn't get him any closer to finding Zoro. "It's doubtful you decided to swim to every island down the Grand Line and Calm Belt until you could find a single pirate without even being assured he would still be alive."

The old man flashes Law a bright smile, brilliance never wavering not even when it collides up against the aggressive chill that accompanies the Northerner the way a curse might wrap itself around a sword, or a first mate follows alongside their captain. With no flashes of warm gold and vivacious green always in the corner of his vision and with the natural warmth no medical text could ever completely convince the young doctor isn't just the result of growing up under took much sunshine and warm weather, Law's own aura has turned cold, acting as a shield against even Rayleigh's good nature.

It reminds him in no small way of back when he'd been a child, how the pale spots spreading across his skin had ensured people kept their distance. He'd liked that space, he hadn't wanted anyone to try and get too close. He'd become more comfortable when it was just him and death circling around, like a strange suit of armor protecting him from the consequences of his own reckless violence, from any potential future at all.

The all too familiar fit of this shroud brings along with it all sorts of memories. Memories that Law has spent years with their teeth nearly sinking into his heels, but every time he loses focus and glances back, there is the sharp and fearless smile of a kid so reckless he'd set sail across the North Blue with a rowboat, three swords, no map, and no hesitation. With Zoro-ya watching his back, Law only ever had to look forward, and now isn't the time to lose that focus.

There are other smiles forever captured in Law's memories, but if he lost focus now, Zoro would become just like them. A memory, something Law could hold onto, could swear on, but could never get back. He can't let go, not yet.

Something in Rayleigh's own smile, it makes Law's hands turn whiter than Amber lead syndrome, clenched so hard at his side. He honestly isn't surprised to find the old man so lighthearted that he could smile without shame or worry; his crew is long dead. It probably brings him some kind of joy, having that closure while Law has nothing.

"You'd be surprised," Rayleigh replies, pulling his arms over his shoulders until there is an audible pop. He doesn't stand, not at first, just plays as if he's stretching out, like he might go jump back in the sea and swim another 100 leagues just for the exercise. "How far these old bones can take a man."

Slowly, the Dark King rises to his feet. He walks closer with a confidence and ease that creates almost a physical push. Law stands unmoved, but behind him he can feel his crew stir. Do they move back, respect the man's space? Should they lean in, giving him all the attention he's due? And all this time he approaches them with a smile, a harmless facade.

And a gleam to his eyes that Law recognizes well. He suspects any pirate with his bounty would know what it's like when the enemy is sizing you up. "Of course, it helps to know where you're going."

"Oh, no! But Zoro ne- owe!" Without looking back, Law can sense the commotion as Shachi and Lummiko both desperately try to keep Eland quiet. Law just breathes. He doesn't blink, he doesn't lose his focus. He can't afford to, this is no time to stop looking forward.

"Though I suspect someone with your reputation. You always know where you're going," Rayleigh adds, and Law knows when he's being mocked. He isn't about to just stand here and let this man, no matter how infamous among the four blues, tell him- "After all, it takes vision to watch the war unfold and to sail straight into the mess."

"Zoro-ya was with that crew when Kuma sent them all away," Law argues back, as if this is some kind of a debate. What is the old man actually looking for, staring at Law like that? Hasn't he made it clear why he's here, why he had been there to save Mugiwara-ya in the first place? It's not somewhere Law would have just gone for fun! Not unless…..

If Zoro had been there, if he had still been where he belonged, with the crew, it might have been a sort of adventure, getting that close to all those big names. All those figures of legends, nightmares, tales and whispers. Law could have taken Zoro along, pulled up to watch the carnage, the excitement. The boy would have wanted to jump right on, reckless thing he is, but that would have been expected, what with all those shichibukai right there. He's far too young, he didn't have a plan for it yet, but no doubt his Zoro-ya would have wanted to let such an opportunity go to waste.

It would have taken Law with his arms around the boy's shoulders. Law leaning into the smaller boy, holding him back like a leash, his weight against Zoro helping to keep the boy in place by reminding him to remain steady. Now was the time to watch, the acting could come later. Behave yourself, Zoro-ya, that's all Law would have had to say. His breath would send those gold bars knocking against one another, chiming out, just like his whole body would be resonating, that raw energy radiating off him like -

One glance the wrong direction. One curious look towards the audience and suddenly red lenses would be flashing in the sunlight. Strings cutting through the air, and in an instance the man would have Zoro in his sights all because Law-

No. He would have never been there if he hadn't been looking for his lost first mate. There is no universe, no fate. He would have never risked it.

It's so easy to imagine them standing there on the deck of the Polar Tang, but that would have been risking everything.

Eyes forward, Trafalgar. Stay on target, on mission.

"How did you know Mugiwara-ya would be here, of all places?" Direct and to the point, almost more like Zoro than Law, but he didn't have time to indulge in some useless games.

The old man pauses, attaching at his whiskers as though he needs to actually stop and consider Law's question. "Ah, you young captains," the man mutters after a time, shaking his head. As if he weren't acting condescending enough, sitting there smiling at them, eating his meal, laughing, living his life while Law and his entire crew didn't even know if their vice captain had one left to live. "I remember the type. You make everything so much more complicated than it needs to be."

"You saw the same as I did," Rayleigh offers and this, actually, gives Law pause. Had Rayleigh been there, been at the site of the attack? Law had no memory of him, he couldn't see anything in his mind but the image of Zoro running away from him, running towards the warlord, and then…. "You saw the direction Kuma sent him, same as I did."

The direction---?

Law slided to a stop at the ledge of the cliff, staring for any sign of his first mate.

The first thing he sees is that damn childhood friend kneeling in front of one of the robotic replacements, looking even weaker than she had inside the auction house. She's wearing new marks and scars and a new acceptance, too.

It's the giant stripping off his glove that makes Law pause just a moment - his damn prurience getting the better of him at such a critical time - only he couldn't remember any of the replicas they had been fighting ever engaging in such behavior. They simply blasted the beams straight through the center of their hands, gloves and all. It could be, his mind alerted him, that this was a new kind of attack

Not that it matters. Either way, Zoro was sliding down the side of the incline and right towards the pair. Law shouted out for him, and in the chaos, it went entiely unheard.

The replica said something, Law tried to gather his own energy, he didn't pay the girl any attention. As the replica raised his hand Law saw strange bumps of the giant man's palm, some piece of knowledge fought from the back of his head but couldn't have given a fuck right then. He raised his hand as the monster did the same. They're both set right when Zoro lept from the side of the slopping hill and made his grab for the girl.

"ROOM!"

"SHAMBLES!"

That's when it happened, when in a sudden flash Zoro had disappeared. Law stood, fingers outstretched. He waited. He watched and waited.

Law only saw his vice captain, his Zoro-ya, being swiped away. Gone.

"Ah, of course," Rayleigh adds with a chuckle, and it's that simple sound that makes Law stop his desperate searching of his own thoughts. This is another game, isn't it? Another joke, easy for a man to make when he'd already let his crewmate die at the hands of the government. "You likely just followed the naval broadcasts, correct? That's how you found Luffy. As for the rest, admittedly, it does help if you understand old Kuma's strange sense of humor."

And that is it. That is when the still, serene airs of the calm belt lift and the cold winds of the north blow in. That is when the lown gives way to the storm. That's when the peace breaks.

And the Northern Winds with all their might really start to gather.

"Is this a riddle to you old man?" Law's knuckles crack, his body trembling in the stillness of the air, but some power is starting to rustle that calm. A storm is coming. "Some puzzle I'm meant to solve?"

From somewhere off the calm sea, the slightest breeze swirls around the hair and hats of the Heart cream they find themselves unconsciously moving closer, not that they were in any real danger. This is the calm belt, they couldn't be caught off guard by a storm, not here or all places.

"Zoro-ya wasn't MEANT to be taken away from me!" Or maybe they aren't, maybe the northern storms of the childhoods have only followed them here. There is definitely something familiar in the darkness and the lightning of their captain's eyes, the sudden thunder of his voice as he snaps at the old man, turning his gaze up on the ancient first mate. The dark circles beneath the Captain's eyes are even dark and deeper than normal, and it seems little whirlwinds and gusts are drawn to the grass and dirt at his feet. "He is a Heart Pirate, not one of Mugiwara-ya's little friends! He has a duty to this crew! He had a promise to keep and -"

"You seem so sure, little Midorigo-ya." Law reached for the boy, as if he might ruffle his hair, as a brother almost, but of course the bounty hunter only growls at him, using the knife in his hand almost like a sword to stop Law's hand in it's place.

"Don't call me that." Law laughed, it's not deep or loud, but it's certainly amused. It's what he's heard the Marines who had caught him referring to the boy, and he could see how it might fit. But since Law isn't some monster, he isn't a marine, he lowers his hand, let's Zoro go back to trying to stuff the entire steak down his throat all at once, using the knife more as a second fork than anything else. He almost wanted to correct the boy, tell him he was being so savage, but Law knew hunger, and he let him eat.

"You are going to be quite the handful, Midori-ya." Law already had his hands up when the knife came back. The young bounty hunter, Roronoa Zoro, glared for a good while and decided the two where different enough to allow.

"You want me on your crew," the boy goes on, only his face is so stuffed with food it comes out "Anatawatashoatanorikumnshitaide" which only made Law chuckle, and the boy stuff more in his mouth, as if Law's amusement might mean less food for him.

"To be honest," Law goes on, lazily reaching over for a dumpling. His hand is swatted away, and Law smirks at the young boy. So protective, he's not what you would expect from the East. That's good. Law liked that. "I wouldn't say yes expect our Polar Bear, he's taken a weakness."

Zoro had to swallow a mouthful so big you can see the whole lump being forced down his throat..his eyes were watering when he turned to Law, even if it was too glare at him. "Bepo deserves better than you lot, if that's how you think."

Yes, Law decided, he liked this one. "Besides," Law went on as if he hadn't heard the boy's protest. He looked out the small window of the inn where they were hiding. Up on the hill the army base was in ruin, lights were circling, alarms blaring, back up would be here soon. Luckily, Law and his crew had a way around all that. "I don't feel good leaving you here to defend yourself against such a source."

Zoro snorted. Rice came out of his nose. Law simply rolled his eyes and continued on. "You have little chance to survive here on your own. You should come with me or-"

SLAM.

It was the sound of Zoro's now empty plate on the table. The eyes that studies Law now, they were not the same eyes on the boy who had been stuffing his face only seconds earlier. They aren't the familiar cocky look of the bounty hunter that often found himself fighting beside the heart Pirates.

This was solid steel, old and used and tested. When Zoro met Law's eyes that day, Law doubted the boy understood the lifetimes in his soul. "I will take you as a captain!"

Law opens his mouth, the smirk already there. Poor boy, has he failed to notice how he follows Law around as if-

"I will take you as a captain!" Zoro repeated, and he rose from his seat and Law could feel, in the flash between them, this was no act of a child. "But that doesn't mean abandoning my calling?"

Law just smiled, his chin resting in his hand. What an interesting creature, he thought as he asked, "And what was that calling?"

"The destruction of event shichibukai!" There is such determination, such passion in the boy's voice, such belief.

Law can't help breaking down laughing.

"It's not a joke you idiot!" Zoro slammed the table with both hands, he waited until Law had brushed the tears from his eyes. "It's my goal! My calling in life!"

"You plan to go for every shichibukai?" Law asked, and he tried to hide his smile (expect he didn, though he stopped laughing). "And if a shichibukai is taken down before? Or dies? Or the government declared them illegitimate?"

The knife goes into the wood next, and Law didn't flinch but he did cock his head, watching the boy with more interest. "Then I'll go for the next one!" Zoro had promised, just as sure and just as bright. "And then next and the next after that! Until none remain! Until they are no longer allowed to use us as slave and puppets, goods and targets all on the word of some government I've never met!"

His fever burned and in his eyes Law could see the silver of his eyes reforging into something stronger; black, cursed, and undefeated. And when he turned that on Law, he didn't laugh. He didn't even smile. He met the boy's gaze head on. "I will honor you as captain," the young boy promises, no hesitation and no doubt, certainly o trickery, but Law knew that of him long before now. "I will be loyal. But the moment you step between me and this goal, I must abandon you."

"I understand," Law accepted, nodding to the boy but also turning away, not allowing his own face to be seen. "I understand the importance when one-"

"I promise you! I promise you Cora-san!" Law found himself screaming to be heard - not by others, but in his own head - above the storm that tossed the small rowboat one way and the next. He didn't know where it was going or if he would even get there alive but he didn't care. As long as it took him to where he needed to be, Law would allow the sea to beat him around as it liked. "With this gift you've given me! I will do it!"

"I will use my secret name!" The boy swore, grabbing onto the small mast and quickly finding himself tossed to the side of the boat as it splintered in half, narrowly missing crushing his small body. He stayed there, curled up on the floor of the ship. Maybe because all the sea water splashing into the ship was leaving him weak, the way Corazon use to get, maybe because the way he'd been thrown against the wall had struck the white slabs of his skin which were so susceptible to pain, and maybe just because he didn't have the street get to up, not anymore. He was so alone, and it all felt hopeless. He no longer had Corazon by his side, he hadn't even truly gotten to see more than a glimpse of his friend as he went down, but he could feel his power holding on…. Clinging to him until the moment it no longer has a body to cling to.

Law was used to be alone, there shouldn't have been a problem.

Only…. Only now he felt more alone than ever. Where was his forever companion? Where was his shadow Where was the death that always followed him? The darkness and the loneliness it brought with it.

What had Corazon done!? To be so selfish as to give Law the worst of all curses!

Hope.

He would have only done it for one purpose, Law decided, spending the night weak and barely able to hang on as the ship whipped him this way and that. There must be a reason.

"I will stop Donquixote Doflamingo!"

[whoslaurapalmer]

i want to know about your fic! is that cheating? is it meant to be a surprise?

technically!!!!! it is in fact a surprise!!!! because it is secretly for a person!! I will give the following incredibly vague details --

1) i hope to get it done within the. oh I wanted to have it done by the 20th I think but it will uhhhh probably take. longer. by god, it's already the 11th. I regularly and vastly underestimate time. but I hope not much longer than that!!!! hopefully a week after at the latest??????

2) objectively it has the funniest shenanigans. but also like......I am trying to keep them in character. but also not. experience the EXTREME second hand embarrassment that can come with these shenanigans, bc second hand embarrassment physically hurts me

3) a long long time ago (2008.) the mcr website had a blog section that gerard used REGULARLY, and once posted about calling second hand embarrassment The Motts (and since it's gerard, it does and does not make sense in context.) and ever since then whenever I experience second hand embarrassment I think 'oh no gerard way I am feeling the motts' so my notes very frequently say DO YOUR BEST TO AVOID THE MOTTS.

4) lemony is there!!!!!!! beatrice and bertrand are mentioned in passing. ......other characters show up.

5) the fic spans a great deal of time. like.........a GREAT deal of time. damn.

6) I have never written this trope before but I have read a great deal of it in my time, it was very popular in the les mis fandom? which I have read TOO MUCH fic for. I always wanted to write fic for it and still have lots of wip documents, but I think my les mis fic potential days have passed me by. I still love the amis a great deal, though. anyway it's also not quite that trope, and that's very thrilling. that's where a great deal of the amusement comes in. If I can navigate it right. oh but it's also a very old trope, actually!!

6a) I mean, you see tropes in fic sometimes and think of them as very fic specific, and I think some things very much are, but also, people have been telling the same sorts of stories for an age, and i was actually able to tell my mom about the plot and have her understand it bc she's seen movies with the plot. which is very bizarre, usually this does not happen.

6b) although I do wonder now, isn't this trope like the worst way to get enjolras and grantaire together. well, I guess it depends on how you're writing them, honestly. I think the most well-known fic with this trope did it well, now that I think about it

7) I think. I am going to split it into two chapters. and........see the first half took about a weekish of planning to get the Reasons things were happening to make sense. so if push comes to shove and I only finish the first half by whatever date it was, I will post that, and then, do the second half. which is less structured but still needs. you know. things to stand on. just less things.

8) it tentatively had a title but then I thought, it would be better as a chapter title maybe, so then I figured out the other chapter title, and now I am. Missing an overall title.........

9) the titles, though, are from the songs the maze and I know how to speak by manchester orchestra.

10) potentially, a candlelit dinner may take place. there will be bread.

11) one of my notes just says 'it's the most unsexy [REDACTED] of all time'

12) someone's gonna get kissed eventually though despite my subpar skills at writing physical romance contact!!!!!!

13) I worry about it a lot, though. Just, making the fic, make sense right in general. I know what I'm aiming for but there's still a lot of uncertainty in getting there, sometimes. and it happens all the time, in everything I write!!!! every writer goes through that, in every piece. never stops being very nerve-wracking, though. And I don't think I've ever really written something like it before. so!!!!!!!! we'll see. I'm rooting for it.

[substituted-shinigami]

Writing Update!

(I've always wanted to do one of these. 😆)

Good News: Bloodlines (renruki, hurt/comfort), the one-shot I had slotted for late February is going very well! 👍

Bad News: It's not going to be done by the end of February, like at all. 😅 It might be done by March, maybe April…. Sorry 🥲

Semi-Good News???: I have a significantly shorter piece (It's like 3ish pages?) that can probably be done by the end of February, early March at the latest. I've been working on it on and off for a while now, and I think it is almost ready for posting! (And by almost, I mean like 1 or 2 weeks😅) It's also RenRuki and the genre is Humor/Fluff.

Regular-Old News: So it turns out, writing one chapter a month is not as easy as it sounds!😅 (Especially since nothing pops fully formed from ones brain and therefore requires editing...🥲) So I think in order to decrease my stress, I'm going to slow down my goal to once every other month. If I manage to do more, then great, but I'm not going to try and force myself anymore.

Okay, that's it for now! 😀 I've already updated the AO3 page to reflect this. Thank you for reading, and I hope I'll have something out for you all soon!👍👍👍

[msbarrows]

I posted 3,032 times in 2022

That's 378 more posts than 2021!

347 posts created (11%)

2,685 posts reblogged (89%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@katschy

@iapetusneume

@ltleflrt

@gingersnapwolves

@sarasa-cat

I tagged 3,024 of my posts in 2022

#tumblr - 250 posts

#no man's sky - 240 posts

#lol - 143 posts

#starships - 140 posts

#euclid galaxy - 133 posts

#the untamed - 117 posts

#this! - 115 posts

#also - 89 posts

#writing - 89 posts

#fanfiction - 82 posts

Longest Tag: 132 characters

#be very sad when i go to eat lunch and discovered what happens to a soft banana inside a lunch box that was used to bludgeon a bully

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

See the full post

38 notes - Posted July 21, 2022

#4

See the full post

39 notes - Posted October 22, 2022

#3

See the full post

50 notes - Posted June 13, 2022

#2

My latest gaming addiction - No Man’s Sky. Bought it on Steam in sales last week and after an initial “not sure if like or dislike” I’ve spent a disturbing number of hours running around and finding stuff and building mini-bases all over my starting solar system. This particular one is at the site of a crashed space freighter I’m salvaging stuff from (my only base so far in a second solar system is positioned at same). I have several sites I’ve named “Drydock” that were claimed just for the purpose of salvaging a wrecked ship and warping it to the space station to melt down for scrap (best haul so far netted me > 5 million units plus a storage upgrade for my own tiny ship). At some point when I have a lot more in the way of resources and technology, I might try actually repairing one of the crashed ships. Because why not.

I also like having bases handy to specific material types - like the one super-weird planet covered in coral-like desiccated creatures that are formed of both carbon and ferrite (two of the three main building materials, the other being silicate sand you can dig up anywhere), making it an awesome place to farm for more building materials any time I start running low. So much easier and faster than running around mining them from random plants and rocks on other planets, and I can just use my teleporter to step to there from any of my other bases if I need to gather more

So far if I had to describe my character I’d say they’re conflict-avoidant. Happy enough to just ignore the battles occurring around them, scavenge for salvageable crap, and build micro-bases. I am looking forward to unlocking more of the decor items so I can make bases that look comfortable, not just functional (I blame many years of playing The Sims for that interest...).

I’ve barely set foot outside my starting system yet, and don’t really have any interest so far in following the main storyline assignments or getting into any fights. I’ve only killed one pirate so far - mostly I just scram away from them as fast as my tiny ship can go - but I may beef up my weapons and shields a little, because being randomly attacked when I’m just minding my own business mining asteroids (for gold so I can build more solar panels) is getting old.

50 notes - Posted June 5, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Been wanting this print from @theshitpostcalligrapher‘s Etsy shop for most of a year now; finally picked up a copy this month as a birthday present to myself.

I’ve put it in sight of my bed, so I’ll see it first and last thing every day, and some day (hopefully soonish) when I get my shit together enough to move out into my own place again, I will probably make a point of it being the first decorative item I set out.

(Also I love the pretty tiled frame I bought to put it in)

222 notes - Posted August 15, 2022

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[rottingintheautumn]

My Personal Interpretation Of the Song "Get Money N Die" by Sematary.

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(Note that this is just an Interpretation of this song could totally just be sematary flexing hahaha but I'm autistic and I like looking deeper into things so fuck u)

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Now on Surface level this songs is very straight forward with what it is saying Basically just the title of the song itself "Get Money N Die" But I think there's something a little bit more to it When You start take These things into Consideration.

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Sematary's Rise From 2019 to Now

Sematary's Love of Rural America and Folk/Country Music

Current Economic Situation

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To Summerize How Big The Haunted Mound has gotten let me show you all the achievements of The Haunted Mounds Career

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SLUG CHRIST Feature on SKINWALKER

Butcher House Tour Selling Out Shows all over America and Europe

Black Kray Feature on Hallowed B Thy Wrist

Popularizing brands like "Affliction" and "Truey Jeans" Among the community and later having its own influence outside of the circle.

Collabing and making Clothes With "Affliction"

A FUCKING SOSA FEATURE

Bloody Angel's Tour and The Haunted Mound Polos Selling Out During the Tour.

Hitting 2 Million on SLUAGHTER HOUSE

Hitting 1 Million on Haunted Mound Reapers

WENDIGO being his fastest growing song

Bloody Angel Mixtape being in Top 10 of fastest "selling" albums of the week in America

Buckshot Modeling??

N More I'm probably forgetting

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Sematary Has Basically been grinding nonstop since 2019 to make all this happen just now finally officially taking a break from this to recuperate.

Note That His latest Mixtape "Bloody Angel" he has said in a interview that he has had to take Hella "Oxys" to even finish some songs so with that nugget of info we can safely say that he is exhausted and that "Get Money N Die" Is Victory Lap over his whole Career up to this point.

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Now His Music Taste. Sematary has made it very clear he is an American Patriot and with that comes with His love of old Country and Folk Artist. One piticular Artist I want to pick that he has posted on his tumblr and put one of their songs on his "DO NOT LET ME DIE" DJ Mix. Is The Carter Family, Basically Legends in their respective genres and I really like their work too.

What makes them so interesting to me is how sad their music is. For what some people on surface level may think this is some genuinely beautiful and sad lyrics coming from this piticular band and it that sadness comes from the hopelessness of the time of when the great depression happened.

The Carter Family made music through out the entirety of The Great Depression and with that came Beautiful songs like "Never Grow Old" and "When The Worlds On Fire".

Given That History of the time and this band and the music that they made with it and Sematary's general love (and hate) for America I feel Like it perhaps had some influence on sematary For this song.

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Now the less fun shit to talk about that just makes everything feel hopeless.

We all basically kinda know it inflation had been fuckin NUTS America and run by capitalism and heavy commercialization of everything You can basically get money out of anything and Retirement ages have been increased to 62 in a world where of half of the people barely make it to 45..

America has been built up to point where if u aren't making constant money at all the damn time while also making it so that u can barely get personal shit and only give JUST enough money to even survive.

America Has quite literally built to a point where it literally is "Get Money N Die"

OOOH OBLIGITORY REFERENCE TO THE ORIGINAL POINT OF THIS ESSAY TO MAKE IT ALL FULL CIRCLE HAHAHAHAHA

But like seriously Normal Mfs and even mfs with degrees are barely getting enough to survive it fr is fucked up out here with little to no breaks.

And im gonna do it again

In the grand scheme of things, it really is Just Get Money N Die

‐---------------------------------------------------------------

Now With all these Points Combined to me this Song Feels Like A Victory Lap that Sematary is Proudly Parading in this song as He has grinded hard for years to reach these heights with Lyrics like

"imma flex till I dyyeee... cuz boy u no I grriinnddd.." and "I gotta go riiddeee 49 more miilezz till tha end of tha niittee.... Haunted Mound Reaper Count tha Money Uuuppppp!!".

And also this song could be a satirical take on America's Views and Capitalism and how absurd shit be with money. Specifically with the lyrics

"Get Money, Get Money nn dyyyeee!! Wooah wooooaaahh I LOOKED DEEP INTO YR EYYEESS... N ALL I SAW WAS LIIIEEESSS!!!" and the line that really started this whole yap fest. "Money WONT save yr soul when tha Reaper comes..."

That line alone had me thinking of is this track has something more to it or is it just sematary flexing?

‐---------------------------------------------------------------

Me personally I think it's both.

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Thank u for reading my yap fest and my shit outro to this I love u.

Fuck the Government 1312 Kill all Transphobes Stay Rockin in tha Free World and god bless the Haunted Mound

[chorusfm]

Liner Notes (November 4th, 2023)

I hope everyone had a good week this week. This week’s supporter Q&A post can be found here. If you’d like this newsletter delivered to your inbox each week (it’s free and available to everyone), you can sign up here. A Few Things * This will probably be another shortish newsletter. It’s a slower music week, and it’s the time of the year when there’s not much happening in the music world, and I have a lot of family commitments. It’s nice to take some time off and enjoy my favorite time of the year though. It’s wild to think that next week will be Hannah and my fourth wedding anniversary. The plan is to relax a little, have some nice meals, and get some things done around the house to prepare for the holidays. In Case You Missed It * Review: Taking Back Sunday – 152 * Review: Boys Like Girls – Sunday At Foxwoods * Green Day Announce 2024 Tour * Anberlin Share Matty Mullins Vocal Clip * Major Labels Trying to Stop Artists from Re-Recording Songs * Taking Back Sunday Play Fan Wedding * Brian Fallon Reviews Every Gaslight Anthem Album * The Gaslight Anthem Perform on CBS Saturday Morning * 20th Anniversary Edition of ‘Take This To Your Grave’ * Albums in Stores – Nov 3rd, 2023 Music Thoughts * Things I enjoyed that came out yesterday were the final Atreyu EP, creating a nice 12-song album that leans more into their pop side but works for me this time of year. And Spiritbox also released an awesome EP that continues their hot streak. * My week was spent between the current releases (Blink-182, Gaslight Anthem, Taking Back Sunday) and revisiting some albums that always feel great in November (Matt Nathanson, Patrick Droney, anything Ace Enders touches). The Stats: Over the past week, I listened to 36 different artists, 45 different albums and 443 different tracks (479 scrobbles). And you can follow me on Apple Music and/or Last.fm. Entertainment Thoughts * From the very first one to the latest, I’m a sucker for all the Mission: Impossible movies. I enjoyed Dead Reckoning, but I did feel like it was hurt by only being a “part one.” There are some great action scenes and set pieces. But not quite up to the level as my favorites from the franchise on first watch. * We did a bunch of Halloween movies last week: Talk to Me was the best of the bunch, The Blackening was a lot of fun, and Suitable Flesh was weird. * Whenever I think I’m about to just cancel Netflix they release something that pulls me back in. Currently, that’s Bodies. The first four episodes have pulled me in. Curious to see where it goes. Random and Personal Stuff * Next week’s project is to get the bedroom track lights fixed. The power supply for them died, and of course, they don’t make it anymore. After talking to a few electricians, they all think the whole system probably needs to be replaced because of how old it is (like 15 years?), and they don’t make anything compatible anymore. So my “this shouldn’t be too annoying to fix” project became a “this is going to be absolutely obnoxious” project real fast. Ten Songs Here are ten songs that I listened to and loved this week. Some may be new, some may be old, but they all found their way into my life during the past seven days. * Spiritbox – Ultraviolet * The Beatles – Now and Then * Sigrid – Borderline * Blink-182 – Turpintine * Taking Back Sunday – Juice 2 Me * The Gaslight Anthem – The Weatherman * Patrick Droney – We Got Old This Year * Matt Nathanson – Soundtrack * There Will Be Firewords – Smoke Machines (Summer Moon) * Paint it Black – Dominion This playlist is available on Spotify and Apple Music. Community Watch The trending and popular threads in our community this week include: * NFL Gameday Week 9 * Nutella vs. Cookie Butter * Kevin Drew – Aging (November 3, 2023) * MGMT – Loss Of Life (February 23, 2024) * FOOTBALLHEAD – Overthinking Everything (March 1, 2024) * Tour Prediction and Speculation Thread * Video… https://chorus.fm/features/articles/liner-notes-november-4th-2023/

[aliresix]

Aliii ! Hiii!

Tell me about your wips !!! This is the wip ask attack. Tell. Me. Everything (if you want to obvi)

Hope you're doing great btw <3

hiii i'm fine atm, a bit stressed because of school but oh well

this ask came and kicked me in the ass, cause i haven't written a single word in what feels like forever (probably like two or three weeks). hoping i'll feel inspired by talking about them so let's go with the last three I've opened!

ok there's this sskk "only one bed" fic that i've actually finished more than 2 year ago, there's a bit of crack a bit of fluff and tbh a lot of ooc but i'm still considering whether i want to post it; i like to re-read it every now and then but i intend to translate it in english if i do post it so the extra step is blocking me

one the latest ideas i got is a 5+1 fic that is quickly becoming a Ramuda character study (i didn't even know i liked that pink bastard until now)

Malocchio! (that's the document title) it's a retelling of Giovanni Verga's 1878 short story Rosso Malpelo (x) and it's my oldest (year 6 on and of of it babyy) and most ambitious project, cause it's very research-heavy and my brain decided it needs to have cohesive Themes. i want to share it soo bad but it takes a lot of effort, so writing slowly it is. (if i ever publish this i'll need to "establish" a whole fandom tag; a great honor but also a scary one)

what is your oldest wip, and how old is it?

(also! i definetely want to see the moodboard for the yakuza gang wip!!)

[r1-jw-lover]

I posted 3,156 times in 2022

That's 3,156 more posts than 2021!

53 posts created (2%)

3,103 posts reblogged (98%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@antifandor

@revenge-of-the-shit

@laz-laz-ace-pilot

@chirrutbaze

I tagged 3,025 of my posts in 2022

Only 4% of my posts had no tags

#sw - 2,476 posts

#star wars - 2,476 posts

#andor series - 1,064 posts

#rogue one - 847 posts

#andor spoilers - 845 posts

#r1 - 844 posts

#cassian andor - 666 posts

#gif - 642 posts

#not my art - 564 posts

#sw fanart - 493 posts

Longest Tag: 128 characters

#but i also believe that obi-wan has done his very best already considering his current priority is saving the people in the base

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016), Star Wars - All Media Types Rating: General Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Chirrut Îmwe & Baze Malbus, Chirrut Îmwe/Baze Malbus Characters: Chirrut Îmwe, Baze Malbus, Bodhi Rook Additional Tags: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Pre-Canon, Post-Canon, Friendship/Love, Jedha, Chinese Culture, Language, Food, Religion & Holidays, Fashion, Diaspora, Music & Art, Little Planets, Star Wars Culture Week, Not Beta Read, Space Husbands

Summary: Seven snippets of Chirrut and Baze’s lives on Jedha based on prompts given for Star Wars Culture Week.

Prompts are in the following order: Language, Food, Religion & Holidays, Fashion, Diaspora, Music & Art, and finally Little Planets.

Link to Star Wars Culture Week Tumblr: https://starwarscultureweek.tumblr.com/

41 notes - Posted March 1, 2022

#4

Fic Rec for #StarWarsCultureWeek Day 3 - Language

"a bridge of birds" by evocates

While recovering from the wounds of Scarif, Chirrut and Baze (mostly Chirrut) recounted in front of a curious Bodhi and the rest of the Rogue One crew the tumultuous history of Jedha pre-Empire, their relationship status, and everything they did to stay together over their lifetime.

Let me tell you, as a Chinese reader myself, I don't think I can sing enough praises for this masterpiece. The author within almost 10500 words had so eloquently weaved Chinese language, history, tattoos, even metaphors referencing back to Chinese literature & folklore into Chirrut and Baze's backstory that my heart soared reading this for the first time.

Even if you don't ship these two Gaysian Space Husbands, I still highly recommend it for the high quality and very believable writing itself.

As a heads-up tho, the in-universe SW lore is by-and-large neglected in favour of real-world history in this fic.

TW: Mentions and descriptions of violence, suicide, as well as all the terrible (probably traumatic?) stuff associated with revolutions and an authoritarian regime taking power.

51 notes - Posted March 3, 2022

#3

Watched the latest episode and now I'm feeling I'm gonna ball my eyes out when people start making parallel GIFs of Nemik and K-2 shouting "climb!" to Cassian.

52 notes - Posted October 12, 2022

#2

Fic Rec for #StarWarsCultureWeek Day 2 - Food

"Nothing but Memory" by orphan_account

The story is about Bodhi suddenly remembering an old family recipe and attempts to reproduce the dish from memory. Baze joins in and together they had cooked quite the delicious meal. If you're wondering, the dish they made is Sindhi biryani.

[Image source: Google]

Clocking around 1500 words, it's short and sweet and yet packs a powerful punch. Also, midnight bonding is a bonus.

TW: Minor Character Death, Mention of Genocide (Destruction of Jedha) and Reconciliation

68 notes - Posted March 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Chinese Transliteration of Rogue One 《侠盗一号》 Main Character Names and their meanings

Source taken from the Simplified Chinese subs from the DVD that my dad bought 4-5 years ago.

If this post fares well, maybe I might continue to do this kind of posts going forward.

#1

Name in English:

Jyn Erso

Chinese Transliteration:

琴 • 厄索

Meanings:

琴 (qín) = any stringed instrument in the likes of piano, violin, harp, zither, etc. (Probably named after her mother Lyra???)

厄 (è) = a disaster; to err; an adversity/hardship; a strategic point; to be stranded/in distress

索 (suǒ) = to search/ask; to demand/exact; to sow; a large rope; isolated

#2

See the full post

184 notes - Posted March 29, 2022

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[ill-skillsgard]

Blue and Yellow - Epilogue - Axel Cluney

Warning: 18+ Smut, mentions of violence, a car accident, blood and the death of an animal.

Summary: Four years they spent searching cars for each other. A/N: I wrote the epilogue before posting the last chapter of Blue and Yellow, to hold myself accountable because most of my readers know how shit I am at keeping promises when it comes to delivering them. Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10 Part 11 Part 12 Part 13 +

I left the party after midnight, much later than I expected. I had my last cocktail at ten and planned to hit the road by eleven at the latest, but I was cornered by Lacey, a colleague from the college with one of those voices that went from loud to louder. Lacey was also incessantly chatty, and her social gauge flew wildly from left to right, six glasses of rum and eggnog deep.

Lacey asked me why I hadn't brought a date. I would have told her the truth, but I didn't want any of these people finding out more about my life than what was necessary. They didn't need to know I still lived with my mom or that I spent my nights watching MGM movies on cable, taking smoke breaks during commercials for whitening toothpaste. I'd spent years keeping my personal life under wraps, so I didn't get invited to parties where I had to pretend to have a good time while coworkers I cared little for blabbed about their domestic lives.

Instead, I made up excuses. I told Lacey my boyfriend had a conference out of town, and she bought it with another sip of her spiced beverage. Lying was my only source of entertainment besides TV dramas, and it was much more fulfilling. The lies were always the same: my boyfriend travelled for business, and I spent my free time knitting on the couch. Sometimes the lies varied, but never too much that I forgot who I'd told what. One day, it was knitting, and the next, it was crochet, then macrame a few weeks later. I'd get a small rush from venturing outside the lie's parameters, and that's when I knew my life had indeed become a parody. When fibs became lies, and the lies grew into tall tales, it felt like I was living in a movie of my own making, which satisfied me until now. How sad was my existence that telling Lacey about my fake boyfriend made me giddy?

By the time Lacey lost interest in my stories and snapped her attention on somebody else, it was quarter to twelve, and my eyes were heavy. I left the party quietly and hoped my mother would be asleep by the time I got in. Isadora was retired now, and all that made her life exciting was making sure mine was not. She'd have a dozen questions about my night, and I didn't have it in me to weave together a story that would make her eyes roll.

Winter disagreed with my old Kia. I turned the ignition, and the engine squawked and shuddered like an old bird in a rusty cage. I waited in the frosted box while the heat kicked in after twenty minutes, rubbing my hands together and fogging the inside of the windows with my breath. I was impatient, and once an oval of clear glass appeared at the bottom of the windshield, I backed out of the parking lot of the Marriott Hotel where we'd had our Christmas party. I'd had my qualms with the location, but since I was the only one out of town, my concerns had gone unaddressed.

I drove the empty highway with my high beams on, but the onslaught of snow rendered them useless. The road curled to the left, and I slowed to a solid ninety kilometres until it straightened out again. My only relief from the snow was the occasional overpass. I used the short-lived break in the snowstorm to orient myself with what I could see of the lane indicators. The roads whited out quickly, and the lines became vague notions. It was up to me and the guard rail to figure out where I was supposed to drive. I gripped the wheel until my fingers grew sore and tried to relax while other, faster cars pulled by, the drivers probably gawking at the idiot who couldn't handle a little winter.

Strips of the blackened forest closed in on both sides of the highway, and three lanes condensed into two narrow sides. I clung to the right hoping nobody came up behind me for the rest of the stretch. I couldn't wait to take the exit and drive on lazier roads, but before the left turn, I coiled around the stilts of a bridge, and a sudden collapse broke my concentration. I thought somebody had dropped a boulder onto my car from the bridge, and slammed on the brakes. The car spun around and struck the guardrail sideways, deploying the airbags on impact.

Snow piled onto the windshield, and something heavy prevented the wipers from budging. I struggled out of the car, disoriented, and first saw the headlight and bumper dangling off the front of the Kia like a hangnail. If that had been the only damage, I might not have screamed my throat bloody. Lying on the crumpled hood was a large buck, hoofs scraping the metal as it struggled to right itself. Its belly had opened and spilled a trough of red and purple innards over the mangled grill, steaming in the frigid air. Snowflakes landed on its wet nose and melted. The buck's antlers carved lines through the snow on the windshield as it thrashed and then died, panting.

I shrieked and cried until the snot frosted my upper lip. The guilt filled me to the throat with nausea. I apologized until the creature's last breath and cried long after it went limp. In minutes, a thick measure of snow covered the ground with no signs of letting up. A black SUV passed by and ignored the tragic scene. At least they has the decency to slow down and change lanes. My fingers seized while I tried to slow my breaths, making it impossible for me to clutch my phone to call anyone. Another vehicle passed and left me in the powder with a two-hundred-pound deer splayed across the mangled hood of my car. Nobody wanted to stop on the highway in the freezing cold to help someone who had just slaughtered an animal.

Before I willed myself to relax and call the police, two circles of bright light blazed through the whipping snow. A transport truck had spotted me in the distance and slowed to a stop several meters from where I stood behind the Kia, unable to face the carnage still letting off steam in the dead of night.

Minutes passed, and nobody exited the truck. I thought they had changed their mind or sat there deciding whether helping me was worth throwing off their schedule. I'd had enough of people ignoring me and walked up to the front of the truck, waving my arms. Finally, the driver's door popped open, and a pair of boots hit the ground. The snowfall slowed, and I could see the dark outline of a man approaching.

"You alright?" A muffled voice yelled.

"Y-yes," my voice cracked. "Yes! I... I hit a deer. It's awful."

The man's face was covered with a bandana, and he had a black toque pulled over his ears and brow. Only a bar of his face showed. I dropped my hand that had been pointing at my car, and he squinted through the flurry. He pinched the point of his bandana and pulled the material away. My mouth dropped open, and I tasted the ice in the air.

"Sabi?"

"No fucking way," I said. "No goddam way."

"Never thought I'd be scraping you off the side of the highway, Miss Asta."

"Axel!" I cried and launched myself into his arms. "Oh my god. I can't believe it's you."

All at once, my worries were gone. Out of anyone who could come to my rescue, he was the last person I expected and the only one I completely trusted to make it right. The relief of not having to break down in front of a stranger stoked my tears afresh, and once the panic subsided, I sank into his warmth. He smelled like gasoline and fried food, a heavenly combination when it came off his clothes. Axel held me in front of him and covered my burning ears with his hands.

"Now, why'd you go and hit that poor deer? What'd he ever do to you, huh?"

I blubbered until Axel said he was joking and pulled me back into a hug, pressing my face to his chest.

"I'm kidding, honey. Those dumb bastards always come flying out of nowhere. They've got a fucking death wish, I swear. I just hit one last month. Thing launched itself onto the road for no good reason, and you can't exactly slam the breaks on an eighteen-wheeler."

Despite the nature of his words, the voice that spoke them filled me with a sense of safety. Axel walked me to his truck and helped me climb inside. I clambered over the driver's seat and sat in the passenger side, waiting for him to follow. Once he pulled the door shut, we looked at each other, and all the things left unsaid put us in a chokehold. He reached for a thermos, twisted off the lid and held it out to me.

"Want some tea?"

I took the thermos and sniffed warm honey and lemon, took a sip, and sighed as the liquid warmed my throat. Axel turned to the dash and smiled to himself. We sat in a silence that had stretched over four years. That's how long it had been since I left him. He still looked the same except for a few more lines around his eyes when he grinned. Yet, he still seemed unfamiliar, like a stranger who showed up in your dreams after you'd only passed them on the street. Sitting inside the massive truck while the snow blotted out the windshield filled me with deja vu. I counted down to the moment Axel plucked up the courage to turn back to me, his smile replaced with sorrow.

"Do you think this was meant to happen? Not you smoking a deer, but me finding you in a precarious situation after all this time?"

"It certainly would be a full-circle moment."

"Are you alright, Sabi?"

"I think so. Just shocked."

"Me too. Y'know, every blue Kia hatchback I've ever passed, I'd always check out the driver, never once thinking I'd actually see you. But when I saw your car up ahead, I got this sick feeling in my gut. How weird is that?"

I chuckled and held my tongue about how I too would spot black Monte Carlos, hoping to see Axel behind the wheel.

He grabbed a pack of American cigarettes off the dashboard and offered one to me. I declined, and he rolled down the window an inch before lighting one.

"Camels? Odd choice," I said.

"When you drive back and forth from the states, options change."

Another smoke-filled silence pushed us into stiff positions on either side of the truck. I looked around briefly and saw Axel's bunk strewn with blankets and clothes. I snapped my eyes away from the mess as though I'd peeked into his private office and waited for him to stub out his cigarette.

"I'll call someone if you like."

"Shouldn't we call the police?"

"Yeah. You'll have to make a report, and they'll probably send an ambulance to check you out. Might be a couple hours of trouble."

"I'm so sorry," I said. "I can go back in my car and wait. I don't want to drag you into my mess."

Axel scoffed at my ridiculous suggestion and touched my knee. I turned rigid from the contact.

"If anyone owes you a drag through a mess, it's me. No, put that thought out of your mind. I'll stay here with you all night. Unless you wanna hitch a ride with a tow instead?"

"I'd rather stay here."

"Thought so," said Axel. "Why don't you give them a call, and we'll wait in here where it's warm."

"Thanks, Axel. I'm relieved you're the one who found me."

Axel pressed flat against the seat and clutched the steering wheel as if holding onto it would save him from falling. "I'm glad I found you too, Saberrah. I gotta say, I've spent a lot of time looking. Maybe that's fucked up to hear, but it's the truth."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be. You were right about everything. Featherfall had nothing for me, and once you were gone for good, there was only one smart thing to do."

"What was that?"

"Get the fuck out of there. I took the first job I found. It started with unloading trucks, then led to another thing, and soon I was driving them. Now I drive all over the place by myself, and it's given me lots of time to think."

"You always did love driving," I said.

"Yeah. Sold the Monte, though. Got a whole eight hundred dollars out of her, but it was enough to get me started."

Whenever I pictured Axel Cluney, I always thought of him driving around in his dad's car, living in the same apartment, and working under the table at Arty's shop, maybe fighting. On the darker days, I imagined he'd died or suffered too many concussions to hold a proper conversation. He had proven my theories wrong.

Axel had me call the police and offered me something more potent than tea before retracting the offer if the cops decided to run a breathalyzer on me. But he stayed with me until a tow truck hauled my Kia away to a scrap metal graveyard. We watched from the comfort of the cabin and when the police and wildlife management gave me the clear, he asked if he could take me home. Axel had a load of skids waiting for delivery, and though he wasn't bound by a schedule, his kilometres counted towards his pay.

Something went bouncing off the walls of my stomach when he suggested dropping me off. It was too shameful to be panic and too sharp to be nausea. I had only just started uncovering his new life, and to cut our talks short now would leave me more unsettled than I'd been for years.

Axel wasn't used to my cues anymore and took my silence for residual shock and exhaustion. When we arrived in the city, he said he couldn't drive the transport on any suburban roads and that our chance meeting would have to end at a rest stop.

The better half of my brain told me to get his number, while the other half longed to blurt out all the things I'd imagined myself saying to him if I'd had a chance like this. I was mentally equipped to do neither of those things and cursed my cowardice.

"I can get you a cab to your house from here," said Axel.

I picked my fingernails in my lap and nodded without looking up at him or saying thank you.

"Or you could hang in here for a little longer. Though I have to warn you, I'm getting pretty sleepy, and I'll have to pass out soon if I'm gonna leave on time."

"I shouldn't keep you. You've already helped me so much, and I should get to sleep soon too. It's been quite a night."

"Wanna check out the bed?"

At first, the question seemed innocent. We were familiar, and taking a tour of his truck seemed an excellent way to prolong our interaction. Then, I looked up at him, and his eyes glinted in that way I'd never forgotten. They told me to dare him, to remember how astute he was with his hands, how he'd retained every bit of knowledge about what I liked. I couldn't help myself.

Axel chased me into his bed, and the smell of his sheets transported me to Featherfall, to his big, empty apartment with the lone painting of the coal miner and his cat, Chupa. He undressed me first before taking off his clothes, and we looked at each other and how almost nothing had changed.

And truly, nothing had. Axel was still the same man he was when we'd first met. He fished around on the floor for a box and found one condom inside. Axel laughed when I raised my eyebrow and said that life got lonely on the road and safety always came first. He rolled the latex on and whimpered between my legs, hand around his hard cock.

"Wish I could feel you for real. I hate condoms."

"Me too."

"Look, Sabi... If we fuck tonight, everything will change. I won't be able to live without you."

"We've done it before," I whispered, leaving Axel unconvinced of my sincerity.

"I can't do it again... Go back to that life, I mean. Without you there."

"Neither can I, Axel. I want to stay with you. I don't need convincing this time."

"Promise? You won't fuck me and take off?"

"I won't."

He hovered over my body, lips floating around mine. His voice went cool as the Winter air. "You'll stay with me?"

"Yes, Axel. I'll stay."

"Good, 'cause I missed you. Missed this pussy." Axel rubbed the tip of his cock between my lips. "Fuck, I need it now. I don't care if it's not raw the way we like it, baby. I'm so goddamn hard."

I gasped when it went in and clutched the blankets while he gave me a few minutes of animalistic pounding. He slowed down, laid on top of me and kissed my neck until I laughed from the tickle. Then he pulled out and muttered about how I always made him come too fast. I tried to apologize, but he smothered my mouth with his.

"It was always hard not to blow too quickly with you. Remember those nights I'd get so close and pull out at the last second?"

"How could I forget?"

"Well, I don't want to fucking pull out anymore. I wanna fill you. Every night. I want you to belong to only me."

How could I tell him I hadn't been with anyone besides him in the four years we had been apart? It was a sad claim and one I'd lied to others to cover up, and I saved the fact for another time when we weren't slapping our hips together and absorbing each other's moans in our mouths.

"I don't want your cock inside anyone else ever again."

"Of course, mama. Never again."

"And that ass is mine, too."

Axel shivered and flashed a wicked grin. "Oh, honey. I think about that day like every time I play with myself. So good. Mm, I wanna be your bad boy again."

"Take the condom off," I said.

Axel's movements stammered, but be kept going, hands around my waist to anchor our groins together.

"Are you sure?"

"I haven't fucked anyone after you." There went the truth, out in the open. Axel cocked his head.

"You mean I can feel that wetness all over my cock again?"

"Do it."

"Yes, ma'am," he sang and snapped the rubber off like a slingshot before plunging back inside me. This time, every ridge, fold and vein rubbed together, and Axel really couldn't hold back. Before he came, he asked, "if I bust now, can we fuck again? I'll be a good boy and suck on that precious little clit until you cum too."

Axel made me feel like fire and ice battled under my ribs. My heart fluttered when he talked. The sight of his body filled me with a longing I'd thought long dead.

There was nobody for me but Axel. I had tried running, telling myself I'd find another man who made my skin ripple and my heart sing, but those were lies. I'd never lie to myself again. He crouched above me, all angles of his face turned up in delight while we made love for hours. Axel hadn't lost his stamina or gone soft from days spent traversing the country behind a steering wheel. It was like nothing ever changed, and the four years between us were really just long days spent preparing to reunite again.

We slept in his truck curled together like it was our last day on earth. When it was time for me to go home, Axel gave me his phone numbers, all three of them. One for his personal phone, and the other two for his work phone if he didn't answer. I gave him my address to find me after his trip, and I could tell he was skeptical as his eyes flew from the receipt I wrote it on, to my face and back.

"You don't mind if I come to get you in a few days?" He asked.

"I want you to come. Just give me a call before you show up so I can make sure I'm home."

"Alright, babe. I'm sorry to leave you again, but duty calls."

We kissed goodbye outside of the rest stop washrooms before I got in the back of a cab. I watched Axel becoming smaller out the back window, and he watched me drive away. When I could no longer see him, I turned around and sighed. Tip me on Ko-Fi (if you want to)

[hohoz]

How RE Village (8) SOLVED almost every problem that I had with RE Series

Okay - a few weeks ago I made a post that was “The ones that suffer the most” where I showed and explained my main problems with Chris and Jill and the RE series in general 

RE 1 is my fav game of this series and probably one of my all time favs, I player every RE there is to be played except 4 (because I dislike Leon, sry) 

Recently, specially after 4, the franchise had a few problems, specially in writing/map design/lore 

Resident evil 5 for example (I love this game) but it has it flaws, Chris there is only driven by anger and action - Sheva is used as a tool for lore exposition and to be Chris’s new partner 

PLEASE: be aware that game at that generation didn’t have much lore - with some exceptions, like God of War 1 2 3 were a simply game with a simple lore, and the most recent GoW has evolved a little bit in the storytelling

Until we hit rock bottom in RE6 - I know a lot of people like this game, but this is only and action game, bad writing and generic stages. 

Chris there is so mistreated that makes me mad (if you want to read more about this go to my other post “the ones that suffer the most”)

Until RE7 appeared, Capcom had a new engine and they wanted to do a game that was more horror like - since RE is know for being a Survival horror game.

I liked 7 - some people complained about Ethan being without emotion and others complained about the mold, a few didn’t like the FEAR vibes from Eveline. 

I personally enjoyed the game, I thought RE series was going back on track, that game has it’s problems but it was really nice compared to what we had in 6.

After that game I had a conversation with my best friend and I said that I wanted a game that portrayed Umbrella’s fall since the only game that shows this is Umbrellas Chronicles (and that is most a resume of what happened)

And I said: “Bro, I wish that when they made that game, they could tie some mythological lore and human evolution before Umbrella - using Spencer, this would solve LOT OF STUFF and open new ways to handle this series”

and guess what - this happened in RE8 and kudos to the one writer that did that, i have my gratitude. 

RESIDENT EVIL 8 is probably one of the BEST RE games that we had IN YEARS

And I want to address all thing that I loved in this game and do some predictions to what will happen in the next games.

“WELL WELL IF IT ISN’T ETHAN WINTERS” (The Father of the year)

My father was not a great guy... really, so I want to be the best dad ever, I really want be like Ethan - a guy who is ready to sacrifice and fight every monster in the way to save my family. 

Ethan was a character that in RE7 was used to make us fell like that it was us in the Baker’s house, so that is why he didn’t had that much personality (in my opinion) but they changed that in RE8, here he has nice dialogues AND a diary 

He has one of the best story line in the whole REverse, a guy that did EVERYTHING in his power to save his daughter - and you saw that playing the game, every sentence line that he delivered, he tried to save others too and even tho Chris said to him stay put ... but he couldn’t, he had to go to the altar, he had to help Chris, he had to go forward and keep going, specially after having the tools to face Heisenberg. 

The plea from a father, that was his last wish, after he heard that Mia was alive he knew that someone had to stop that monster, he made a promise to his daughter “Daddy won’t let those weird fairy tale monsters get you” so he trusted Chris, to be the one that teaches his kid how to be brave and strong

I will not address Chris and Rose situation here because this is Ethans part and he deserves completely all the spotlight, his sacrifice was 100x times better than Steve (CV)/Piers(6)

My cheers to Ethan Winters - You have my respect !

Revelations -> RE8 

So leaks from earlier times said that RE8 sucked and Revelations 3 was amazing

Revelations FYI is know for using old tales in RE stories 

Revelations 1 - Dante’s Inferno 

Revelations 2 - Frans Kafka 

Revelations 3 - Dracula 

But since RE8 sucked, Capcom said to the REV3 team that they could make REV3 become RE8 and they accepted 

Revelations series is one of the best in the games, they handle Jill in a way that I love, Claire and even Barry - so they deserve all the spotlight for making this awesome game - you CLEARLY can see that they love this series and that they treat all the characters with the love that they deserve. 

Keeping that in mind, they are the same team that made Rev 2 and in REV 2 we have this file here 

So they had a plan for Jill and we can see that in RE8 - I will address that later but keep that in mind - this team cares for the old characters, they were the ones that brought Barry back to the games :V 

Chris Redfield 

This is a hard one, because he is my fav character and I usually have the most critics regard him, since I’ve expect a lot from Capcom 

In the latest games they made him kind dumb, only muscles type of guy and an alcoholic that let all the people in his surroundings die (RE5,RE6,Vendetta) 

RE6 treats him the WORST

But in RE8 he had an amazing part in the storyline, it was obvious that he wasn’t evil and they FIXED HIS EYE COLOR - FINALLY 

I still don’t like the model face that much but it’s way better than 7 - so I believe Capcom, I still feel that he need more jawline 

But let’s go to the most important thing - here he really feels like a squad leader and a veteran, he has his team but he is the one in the front line, he covers and ask for help when he needs, everything about his line delivery makes you feel like “Woah, this guy is a badass, he is not some stupid guy only driven by emotions”

THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR FINALLY GETTING THIS RIGHT 

If you remember my post about the ones that suffer the most / Jill is also in that list and I will talk about her a little bit later but if my guess is right RE8 saved her character aswell

Another thing that I enjoyed here is the fact that he is kind of a mercenary / Neo Umbrella kind of guy, even tho he is one of the founders of the BSAA

So I will give you all my score to this game: 

9/10

I won’t give 10/10 because of some technical issues, the cursor lock didn’t work and mouse sensitivity was i dunno, not the best. 

RE8 and the future (PREDICTIONS)  - Jill Valentine, Chris Redfield, BSAA, Neo Umbrella, Ada Wong and Rosemary

First let’s look Rose

The first time I saw Rose all grown up - I thought to myself : She has the same problem as Eveline (age a lot faster than normal) 

But she also absorbed Miranda’s power since the metalicite (something like this) thought that she was a better host. - so maybe she will live longer or something because I doubt that they will do a 14 years time skip. 

This is not the same as Terra Save logo (Claire’s job) but it kind reminds me of it - her shoes appeared at least 3 times in this cut scene so maybe they are trying to show some hints with this 

She really reminds me of Jodie (Beyond two souls, a game where a girl has a lot of power and the gov uses her in missions and stuff, but she also is learning how to be her own person) 

Another thing here is that they don’t have a logo in this car, it really reminds me the car that Chris as using in RE8 

This supports the theory that Chris’s organization is dealing with her instead of the BSAA, the she is a hot headed girl and that she had a lot of powers. 

So here you can say that she is just a kid because she is a teenager, but what if she actually grows older really fast (like Eveline) maybe this is just 1 year later / 2 yrs later. (after RE8)

So this is the tricky part, this is Chris’s guard/soldier, someone that Chris trust to stand by her side, in my mind I do believe that Chris is kind of a father figure to her, so when this guys says this he is thinking about hot head Chris but she replies “Yeah” thinking about Ethan - (she has the mold memories, so she can actually remember Ethan’s memories) 

Now let’s look at this 

BSAA 

So in REV1 is hinted that BSAA is not the best organization in the world, but since our heroes work there we think that they are the good guys right ? 

In REV 2 (it’s important to remember that the team that created RE8 is the same from the REVELATIONS and they had this file here in REV2)

This email is from Jill and what does Jill have ? T-Virus 

Wesker is a different case since he was a project and she had the vaccine but this would make a lot of sense if they had this tests with Jill to get the T-Virus

If that is the case, they explained Jill’s absence in the main games, could even explain why Chris left BSAA and opened a new window to a lot of possibilities 

My Predictions: 

- Chris had trouble dealing with BSAA and Jill’s case, he wanted to get her out of there, maybe he removed her from there but that resulted in him being expelled from the force

-Jill may or may not know what they are doing with her blood, but she will have a huge part in the BOW used by BSAA 

-Chris is married to Jill (sorry- I had to place this here, in a perfect world he has two kids with her and they all love aunt Rose) 

-Chris will hopefully be a father figure to Rose and they will be in a game together since in the end they came to get her

-Rebecca is still involved in BSAA activities (leak from new REV3) if you consider Vendetta canon, she maybe the one that used Jill’s sample of blood to create the virus soldiers

-Barry maybe retired 

-I don’t think Leon will be in this game, but he will get his RE4 Rmk 

- I do believe RE9 will be release after Code veronica rmk and MAYBE they will do a game about Umbrella’s Fall (Chris and Jill in Europe against Red Queen and BOWs) 

But that is it, you can see a lot of elements from old RE games in RE8, they tried to do something really smart and the game felt amazing to play, that was something else and it’s been a while since a player a RE game that made me feel that way <3

[hurtsprincess]

The Rest That’s Still Unwritten

Hi folks! 👋🏻

Today I wanna establish a new category / posting-series on this blog, and as you can guess from the title (...if you know, you know 😉), this will be all about yet unwritten stories. Or to be exact: About my many, many drafts, unfinished works and raw concepts 🤓

Cause there really are a lot of them by now! Since I started writing Carlando-fanfiction in 2020, I’ve had so many cool ideas for stories, long or short, that I sadly just cannot realise them all anymore by now - the old problem of ‘so many projects, so little time’ that probably every creative mind knows… 😬

However, even if I personally love them all, there are nonetheless some ideas that I don’t think will ever overcome the state of just ‘vibing’ with them in my head. For whatever reason, I just don’t see me actually writing them - let it be plot holes, unanswered questions, too high efforts or that I just don’t “feel” them anymore to really take on the writing journey. (Especially with the longer projects!)

But because I like these basic ideas nonetheless and feel pretty bad for leaving them in my “not now”-folder and would rather want to somehow appreciate them - I thought, why should I not write them down in a shortened form and share them with you still? 🤓

As something somewhere between what you call a ‘prompt’ and a ‘ficlet’ here or the like - sorry, I’m not good with internet slang, haha 🙈 But just something that will give you a little movie in your head and that you might enjoy still, even if it’s not properly narrated - and that also allows me to clear my mind of the many open tabs 🙈

...and yeah, that is exactly what will happen in this category 🤗

(Oh, by the way, if you happen to like one draft a lot and want to turn it into an actual story, please feel free and do it!! ♥ Just please credit me for the idea and of course send me the link later if you publish it, cause I’d definitely LOVE to read your take on them! 🤩🤩)

…so, enough of explanations - let’s get started with the first story that I will not write! Which is also the most recent idea on my list, since it is the continuation of my latest one-shot “Red like Love / Rot wie die Liebe”.

I know I said in the notes that I won’t write a part 2, because these scenarios have been done often enough meanwhile (in my eyes) - but that doesn’t change that said scenario just won’t leave my head anymore ever since, haha. Because I do have a clear vision of what will happen next… 👀

So I decided to word it, for everyone else who might want to know, too. But, warning: If you haven’t read the actual OS yet and don’t want any spoilers, then please don’t click on the cut and read the main story first! ☝🏻

#1 Red like Love / Rot wie die Liebe Part II

We’re picking up right where the original story has ended: With Lando standing on Carlos’ doorstep, breathless from his flight from the Lola Lounge, and desperate to talk to his now ex-teammate.

Carlos, in turns, is of course massively confused - considering both the time (somewhat middle of the night) and the unexpectedness of their reunion, since the two of them had not really seen each other ever since the departure from their last race as teammates together in Abu Dhabi. Of course they had in a way taken notice of each other during the testing week, but only briefly and from afar, as they both had been busy with their respective, now different teams. So they had not talked really ever since December, and neither texted or communicated at all in any other way than liking each other’s Instagram posts and viewing their stories, in order to keep up with what the other one is doing. Because after all, they do not hate each other. Of course they don’t. They used to be best friends before Carlos’ last day at work, and even more. They have just never talked about it, but they have never argued or the like.

And probably that dynamic, combined with the surprise effect and the rest-sleepiness in his head, is the reason why the Spaniard doesn’t yell at him what the f he is doing here so late at night, waking him up and everything, but steps back from the door and actually invites Lando in - albeit still in massive confusion over this situation. Is he maybe only dreaming the whole thing…?

But on the other hand, he apparently is also glad to see him again so unexpectedly - or at least does it look like that to Lando. In the way that he watches him come into the room, with a faint shimmer of anticipation and… hope? in his chocolate-brown eyes.

And also from how his ex-teammate, who still looks strange to him in his Ferrari-shirt, is not  interested in small talk when Lando nervously makes a first comment about that this is a nice room - even if his own one, two floors down, looks pretty much just the same. The typical medium business suite that they stay in wherever they go for a race.

But in this moment, it feels so much smaller and narrower and just more… intimate, especially in the only very dim lighting - obviously, Carlos has only switched the night lamp on his bedside-table on when he has made his way to the door.

Maybe the abrupt waking is also the reason why he is not interested in having a casual chit-chat about hotel interior, but shuts it down instantly. “You did not really come here to talk about my room now, did you?”, he asks, a litte passive-aggressively, and from his face, it is beyond doubt that he would then get but angry.

Which Lando definitely doesn’t want.

Shaking his head, he says: “No, no, of course not-”

And when he sees the hopeful, begging, unspoken ‘then what…?’ in Carlos’ eyes, this is the last call that the younger one needs to speak out the truth that he has been carrying with over the whole winter: “It’s just- I- I miss you.”

Three words which hit Carlos like a thunderbolt, catching him so off-guard that he cannot even reply anything - but Lando doesn’t wait for his reaction either. As it seems, once he is talking about this, he can’t stop anymore; and so he tells Carlos everything.

That he is aware that he has never said it explicitly and has, even more, denied it even in this one press conference. But that he does miss him. That he has known it before that he would, but that he was too afraid to admit it even to himself. Because he was too scared of kicking something off  in his mind that would change everything and that he could never un-think again.

But the truth is, he misses Carlos. Every time he sits in the briefings or has to do social media content, which used to be so much fun last year when they were doing their shenanigans, or just comes to the track and sees a different number than 55 in the other side of the garage.

He misses Carlos, and- he says that he can’t really narrow down why either, but he just wanted  to let him know that.

But no, that is not true - the younger one knows exactly WHY he wanted him to know.

Because he also misses him beside him in the far too big hotel-bed at nighttime. He misses feeling his palms roaming over his skin, misses kissing him, misses sharing things with him that nobody else does. Misses him, in every aspect of his life.

However - these feelings appear to be one-sided, given how Carlos stands there and just… looks at him when he’s finished. Stares at him with wide eyes from shock, speechless, motionless.

As a result of which Lando suddenly is very aware of what he has just done here.

“S-sorry. That was weird-…”, he mumbles and makes moves to turn around and take flight from the suddenly even smaller, far too small hotel room. “I better go-”

But ere he could reach his hand out for the handle, Lando feels a grip on his wrist, and before he knows, he finds himself with his back against the door and Carlos right in front of him, staring him down with the intensity of a supernova in his eyes.

“Is that true?”, he wants to know, with his voice so low in awe that it scratches, and his face as serious as never before. “You… miss me?”

And blame it on the intensity of the moment and how close they are suddenly again, but even though he at the same time is embarrassed for his break-out, Lando can’t lie. Can’t deny it.

No more.

Carlos would see it anyway in his face, as close as they are.

So the younger one just nods, slowly; his voice hoarse from honesty. “Y-yeah…” He gulps. “A lot…”

His eyes insecurely scan Carlos’ mien for any reaction, but only for a second - cause already in the next moment, Lando finds himself pressed against the door and involved in a stormy kiss when Carlos downright desperately pushes his lips onto his.

The Briton has reckoned with everything, but not with that, but of course he does not complain - within seconds, the switch from ‘anxiety’ to ‘enjoyment’ in his brain is flicked and he without thinking returns the kiss.

It’s only for a few seconds, until Carlos once more breaks away to breathe a — by now rather superfluous — “I miss you too…” against his lips, before their mouths are locked again and they are kissing like they used to throughout all the last year; as if they had never stopped, as if December and the unevitable goodbye has never happened - but at the same time, the feelings hit so much deeper than back then.

Cause between the kisses that they share, still at the room door, Carlos tells him in chopped portions that he has been through just the same. That he has missed him all the way. That he has only understood how much he means to him — that he has always been more than just his teammate, his muppet friend, his bed neighbour — when they have been about to be separated. That he has wanted to say it and has so often in the last weeks of the season been close to do so, but that he has never dared it in the end.

Because he has been too scared that Lando wouldn’t feel the same, given how reserved the younger one has always acted when someone has addressed the topic of the team-change.

But in his overwhelm over hearing all these beautiful words from Carlos’ mouth, the younger one also doesn’t know any hold-back anymore and clears it all that up. That this has only been for self-protection. That he has had such a feeling as well, but that he has not wanted to deal with it. Has wanted to prevent the chaos that it would cause in his head, if he’d admit to himself that he is not only bisexual or ‘curious’, as he has first thought when they have started going to bed together - but that he has somehow caught actual feelings for Carlos. More than he has ever felt for anybody.

So he has just pushed every glimpse of that down, filed it under nostalgic sentimentality in the view of the upcoming end of their time together, and just tried to put on a brave front. Cause as long as you don’t think about it, it’s not true, right?

But the visit to the strip club has brought his so strainedly kept-up facade of self-betrayal to crack, and made the whole issue — the truth — impossible to ignore it any further.

Admittedly, Carlos makes big eyes of surprise when he hears that his always so innocent and younger-looking friend has been to a strip club - but this is not the time to crack jokes. Because only his experiences there, even if they do indeed sound very amusing, have made Lando realise what he feels.

What he has always felt.

“I- I guess I love you, Carlos…”, he whispers and even if a part of him still cannot believe that this is actually happening — that he is actually saying this to him —, these words feel so damn right on Lando’s tongue.

And even better do they sound in his ears, when Carlos returns the magic phrase…

Latest from then on, they both do not know any reservation anymore, and neither does one of them bother about the late hour and the exact circumstances. The only thing that matters to them are each other, about so unexpectedly being united again and to get over to the bed, in order to have it a little more comfy for the obviously following making-out-session…

Originally, this is where I saw the story ending for me: With the two of them in bed, cuddling up close and just glad over having the respective other one. I only wanted to make Lando utter a affectionate, cheeky comment like “Red suits you, by the way”, concerning the new team colours on the Spaniard and because he has not actually congratulated him on being able to wear them yet — to throw a bridge back to the beginning and the title.

But, you know, just an overall sweet, happy ending scene.

But! After an involuntary inspiration from a lovely reader (…you know who you are ♥), the scene developed further in my head and I saw Carlos giggling a “Thank you” before my inner eye - and then how the two of them exchange a look of the ‘are we thinking the same?’-kind. Yes, they are. And so, Carlos will slowly move his hands to get rid of this shirt - and then will give Lando an exclusive demonstration of what an enjoyable private dance is like… 😁 😏

And with these images in your head, I’ll leave you for now - this is really it for this story now 😉 Hope you liked the little add-on and see you next time, for the next unwritten story ♥

[incorrectmarvelquotesss]

The Night’s End

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Summary: Bucky goes for a walk after a nightmare and stops at a bookshop open at 2 am. ❤️‍🔥📚

Warnings: death, violence, choking, gunshots, blood and bruises, angst, strong language, mentions of physical and mental abuse, PTSD talks, a little fluff

A/N: My first fic! I hope you guys enjoy! I won’t be doing many fics, but for reaching 200 followers I thought why not? This is not edited yet. I’ve got a few requests which I am writing. Once they are done, they’ll be posted. If you want to be tagged in these fics, send an ask. Enjoy!

He watched the body fall to the ground with a soft thud, muffled by the carpet underneath the young man. He stood still even though every part of heart was whispering to him in a loud voice to run to the young man and help him. His brain kept him still, not moving even an inch until the young man took his last breath, draining the life out of him.

He stood still for another second, an instinct that was drilled into him to check if the target was really dead or not. After making sure the young man was dead from the gunshot wound, he walked backwards, slipping the pistol into its holster on his tactical suit. He turned around abruptly, stopping short as he saw a young woman, eyes flickering over the scene. Her eyes darted to him, fearful and shocked.

“Please,” she whispered into the air, voice raspy and shaking. “I won’t tell anyone.”

He cocked his head to the side a little, walking nearer to her. He could smell her strong perfume, scented with citrus fruits of sorts. He walked closer, stopping only a foot away from, watching as a predator would to his prey.

She squirmed and shrank under his gaze, holding onto the doorknob with one hand behind her when it jabbed her back. She clutched her purse in the other hand, knuckles turning white. A bead of sweat trickled down the side of her temple. She wiped it hastily with the back of her hand clutching the purse.

“No,” he answered simply before his metal hand darted out to choke the woman. His hand gripped her throat tightly, arm whirring with mechanical parts. It clicked and buzzed as he pushed her head back to the door. This was all second nature to him.

Killing and murder. He was a monster that no one could tame. He knew that and so did Hydra.

Bucky shot up with a gasp, clutching the blanket on the ground. His heart was pounding in his ears with beads of sweat gliding down his forehead. A thin layer of sweat covered his body, glistening in the dim light of the television still playing. He looked up at it, blue eyes still trying to focus on the light, and noticed the soccer match playing. Although he had no interest in it, he watched each movement of the players carefully. He studied each movement before the whistle was blown and it was halftime.

He blew out a breath, a little happy that he could distract himself for a while from his nightmares. More like memories, said a bitter voice at the back of his head. He cringed and felt the gut wrenching feeling making its way to his heart. It happened every night and each night he would feel guilt seep into his bones for his soulmate. His soulmate could probably feel his panic and guilt at the moment, but he was surprised to feel a bit of curiosity that didn’t belong to him.

He felt a tug on his blanket, also tugging him out of his thoughts, and faced the white feline he had adopted a few weeks back. Alpine. Alpine’s big eyes looked up at him, head-butting his flesh hand close to her. He almost smiled as his hand started to scratch Alpine behind her ear and she purred softly. A few seconds later, she left abruptly and jumped onto the couch to go back to sleep.

Bucky let out a huff of breath which he would count as a laugh. He looked to his side where his phone was—not the flip phone he showed to his therapist. This was a sleek, new model of the latest phone in which he used multiple things in, like Tinder. He was trying to get into dating again, mostly hoping that he could find his soulmate.

He was, the least to say, surprised when he found out that he even had a soulmate in this time. He had thought that Dot, the girl he practically swooned over in the 40s, was his only soulmate. He had been so sure. Their tattoos were stars with a simple dot at the top of one of the points. But when he had been in Hydra’s capture, it had changed. Now it was a heart with a simple swirl in it.

He tapped the screen of his phone twice and squinted his eyes at the sudden brightness. The lock screen was a simple picture of Alpine. Well, she was cuddling with Bucky on the couch, but Bucky had cropped himself out of the picture. He looked at the numbers staring back at him.

1:26.

He blinked once and then shut the phone off. He looked out the window and huffed before getting up, shoving the blanket off of his legs. He grabbed a pair of grey sweatpants off of the couch that he had taken off when he brought his blanket out to the living room, sweating from his last nightmare. Memory. He hopped on one foot as he slipped one leg in and then repeated it for the next leg. He grabbed a burgundy hoodie, pulling it over his head as he turned around and picked up his phone—just in case.

Taking one last look at his apartment, he pulled on some socks and shoes and took the keys from the bowl. He opened the door and slid out, keeping his eyes focused on everything around him. Old habits die hard, he thought as he shoved his keys and phone into his pocket, feeling his wallet as he did so. He must have forgotten to take it out yesterday.

He dashed out of the building, waving a little to the secretary at the front desk as politely as he could. She gave him a flirtatious smile, which he ignored because she was married. He didn’t flirt with married women, even if he didn’t flirt anymore these days.

He stepped out of the building, feeling the cool night breeze flow through his hoodie, glad that he didn’t wear a shirt—the cool air felt great against his hot body. The effects of the nightmare were still there; sweat, eyes flickering around, ears on high alert. The moon was shining brightly in the clear sky with splatters of stars like white paint. The stars seemed to twinkle, shimmering like glitter.

Bucky smiled slightly, remembering when Morgan had covered his arm in glitter. He looked down and started to walk down the sidewalk, thinking of his life in the 40s. He had always loved to stargaze and explore more about space. Back in the 40s, everything was on books, but now Bucky could search up everything he wanted, whenever and wherever.

“Hey, you going somewhere?” He looked up to see a man standing on the curb, leaning against a car, talking to a woman. The woman had tensed up and clutched her purse. Bucky slowed down, trying to catch what was gonna happen.

“Just down the block,” she said, voice shaking a little. The man crossed his arms and gestured to his car with his head.

“I’ll drop you off,” his voice was ruff, but there was a slight gentleness and sadness to it. “It ain’t safe out here for a girl like you. My sister wasn’t safe either.”

The woman’s head whipped around to look at the man. Her eyes were searching for a hint of lie, Bucky thought, watching the scene unfold. “I’m sorry,” she said when she thought that the man was sincere.

“It’s alright,” the man said, pushing himself off the car. “Beat the guy when she told me, but the police here didn’t do anything more than a restraining order. I can walk you if you want, unless you're trained in karate or something.” This emitted a laugh out of the woman.

Bucky was almost beside them, keeping his head low. He moved a bit over so that he would walk behind the woman.

“Find your soulmate yet?” He asked, making the woman touch her wrist.

Bucky knew why he had asked that. A soulmate could feel your feelings and pain—not as bad, like a needle—something that Bucky always hated. He felt the guilt whenever he had gotten hurt over a mission or even when he had nightmares, he always thought about his soulmate. On the other hand, he had felt happiness spread throughout his body from his soulmate. There had been a couple of times where he felt a pang of sadness, but it was usually replaced with calm and quietness.

“No,” she replied with a soft voice.

“Me neither,” the man gave a toothy grin as Bucky passed the two. The woman giggled as the man said, “Mine is a circle with an arrow in it. Yours?”

The woman gasped and, Bucky assumed that she pulled up her sleeve, then heard the man chuckle.

Bucky zoned them out, trying to ignore the pang of pain in his chest. He took out his phone, desperately trying to forget about soulmates. He quickly read through all the updates Sam had sent.

Sarah and the kids are doing great. Hope you are, too. <Sent 2d ago

The kids really want you back and guess what? I found her! She’s perfect. Her name’s Aaliyah and I want you to meet her bro. <Sent 1d ago

Bucky sighed, not finding what he was hoping for. But he sent back a text anyway, feeling like he owed Sam a little ‘I’m fine and alive’ text.

That’s amazing! I’ll see you all next Sunday like we planned. You should bring Aaliyah and introduce us. <Delivered 2m ago

He shut off his phone and looked around. He was near the lane of shops and most of them were closed. There was an all-nighter pub and pharmacy, but one particular shop caught his eye. It was a bookshop he had wanted to visit a few times now, but never got the chance. It was still open by the looks of it and Bucky wasn’t doing anything else.

He started towards it, hoping that the lights on meant it was still open. He did wonder why it was open at this odd time, but as he approached the shop it was more clear why. A woman was walking around the shelves, helping sleepy teenagers and adults stay awake and giving them coffee to fuel them.

Her H/C was flowing freely while her E/C were flickering around the shop. Her hands held a stack of books and a tray of coffee. The books were all different topics and authors, Bucky could tell. Her face was soft as she placed a book on a teenager’s table and smiled slightly. The teenager looked up at her and smiled. She said something to him and then smiled before walking around the shelves again. She looked up as if she felt his eyes on her, but she quickly turned when a man came up behind her.

Bucky felt a pang of jealousy in his stomach. It was a feeling that he couldn’t ignore and it only got stronger as the man placed a hand on her arm, rubbing it up and down. She nodded as the man spoke, a smile creeping up on her face. She threw her back laughing, covering her mouth as she shook her head. She looked at the customers, apologizing sheepishly at her outburst. She put the books and empty tray on the counter and put her hands on the man’s shoulder, talking seriously. He nodded once, jaw clenching. She patted his shoulders, a smile back on her face as the man started for the door.

Bucky realized that he had been staring and started to walk towards the door. The man had gotten there first, flinging the door open just as Bucky reached for it. The man smiled tiredly and turned to the side, allowing Bucky to slip by. He nodded as a silent thanks.

“No problem, bud,” he said, nodding slightly, and stepped out the door.

Bucky looked behind him before taking in the bookshop. The big shelves filled the three walls, including behind the counter the woman stood behind, flipping through a book. There were four seats at the three tables that were set in the middle. There were more shelves vertically placed close to two of the walls.

Bucky started to walk but felt a small burn on his wrist. He felt it itch as if he gotten a terrible rash, but it stopped in a heartbeat. He stopped abruptly, knowing exactly what it meant. He pulled his sleeve up, looking down at his flesh wrist where the once black, now gold, soulmate tattoo.

His soulmate was close by.

He looked up and saw the woman staring back at him with wide eyes.

“Hi,” she said breathlessly. Her eyes were scanning his face for any emotion, but Bucky knew she couldn’t. His mask was up, the guard that he would put up when he didn’t want anyone to know how he was feeling. It worked for Steve, Sam, even Natasha. But the woman only shook her head. “Won’t work. I can feel your emotions.”

He nodded once. “I know.” He was feeling joy, but there was more. More emotions flooding him in waves. Anxiousness. Shocked. Guilt.

“Stop thinking for a second,” she whispered, smiling sweetly at him, “and breathe.” He inhaled deeply and held it in for a few seconds before letting it go. He had unconsciously moved closer to the counter and her.

“I’m Bucky,” he blurted out, putting his hand on the counter. She giggled at his flustered face and if Bucky said that wasn’t the most sweetest thing Bucky ever heard, he’d be lying.

“I’m Y/N,” she replied, holding out a hand for him to shake. He glanced at it before putting his hands in hers. “Just a sec.” She had looked over his shoulder and nodded her head. He glanced over his shoulder to see another teenager looking at Y/N with a small desperation in her eyes. Y/N grabbed a book from behind her and then turned around, holding the book up. The teenager ran over and grabbed the book from her hand, hugging her as well. Y/N giggled again and Bucky felt his heart skip a beat.

“What is this?” He asked once the teenager sat down on her seat again. Y/N bit her lip and leaned over the counter, her elbows holding her up.

“A support group of a sort, I guess,” she answered, shrugging slightly. “School’s not exactly relaxing.”

“And staying up late?”

“They’ve got a long weekend.” She giggled again and Bucky could swear his heart actually stopped beating for a second. Bucky gulped and nodded. His mind flashed images of just before; the man, Y/N, her laughter.

“Who was that?” Bucky blurted out before he could bite his tongue. Y/N straightened up, a teasing smile on her face.

“Are you feeling threatened by a teenager?”

He could hear the light teasing behind her words and felt a fondness towards her. It had been a while since someone had joked around with him. He smiled for the first time in a while and shook his head. “I meant the man that left before I came in.”

“Oh!” She laughed, shaking her head and saying, “No, no,” repeatedly. She stopped laughing, giggles still escaping her mouth. “That’s my cousin. He’s closer than a brother, though, TJ.”

Bucky felt his ears and cheeks heat up, turning red, no doubt, with embarrassment. “Okay.” Bucky felt a prickle of guilt behind all the embarrassment, but it didn’t belong to him.

“I’m not lying,” Y/N said, noticing that Bucky could feel her emotion. “I’m just used to joking around and I don’t really know if you’re okay with it or not. It’s just that you got uncomfortable all of a sudden and I thought that… I’m sorry.” She winced at her ramble, but looked at Bucky with soft eyes when he started to chuckle. She bit her lips, holding back her smile at his laughter. It was a sweet sound and she felt as if she could listen to it for eternity.

“It’s fine,” he sighed, eyes twinkling. “It’s been a while since someone joked around the Winter Soldier.” He cringed as he let it slip, shutting his eyes for a second. He opened them, expecting Y/N to be scared or fear him, but he found none of that. Instead he saw and felt her curiosity spark.

“I’ve heard about that,” she said slowly, choosing her words carefully. “You were captured by Hydra and taken control over, but now they have no control over you.” Y/N had left out several parts of his past, but he had a feeling that she knew everything anyway.

Bucky nodded curtly. “Yeah. That’s one way to put it.” She smiled softly at him, hand reaching out for his left one.

She didn’t care, Bucky thought with a small surprise. He didn’t feel any fear or anxiousness from her. It was all admiration and curiosity and warmth.

The dark night that plagued him had finally ended.