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issaxcharlie · 4 years ago

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Ghost Of You 2/2

Pairing: Ghost! Luke Patterson x Fem Reader

Summary: Luke, Reggie and Alex have to assimilate their loss. For Luke of his girlfriend, and for the others of their best friend after suddenly learning that she didn’t have the future they imagined, and instead died 23 years ago.

Thank you to @cookiebuba for being the head of the entire idea and trusting me with it, and to Emy for almost holding my hand to force me to write🤣💜

PART 1 HERE

“It can’t be.”

“Luke, I-”

"No, Julie. You are not telling me that the woman of my life, the purest person who has ever stepped on this world, not only lost her partner and her best friends, but was only able to live her life for two more years and then ended in a horrible accident. It's as if life wanted to torture her before taking her too.”

“Love of ?... Zeppelin shirt you wore when you ran away. Of course.”

“I- It can’t be true, please tell me it’s not true, Julie.”

“Luke... she loved you so much.”

He falls on the floor. The impact is strong, as if his legs have stopped working.

"I know." He whispers slowly, his gaze empty as multiple tears fall from his eyes.

The rest of the gang threw themselves to the ground around him and hugged him with all their might, trying to unite his broken pieces without any success. Alex and Reggie each crying silently over the loss of their sweet friend.

“What day did she pass away? Alex whispers.

"Let me search, one moment." Julie gets up quickly and checks on her laptop to find a little note about the singer's death.

"The rising singer Y/N Y/L who had just released the biggest hit of her career passed away this afternoon in a terrible car accident after leaving the cemetery where her late boyfriend, Luke Patterson, was buried. Y/L was there in commemoration of the 2 years of the loss of the aspiring musician, who died from a sudden tragic intoxication along with the rest of his band. Something to rescue from this tragedy is that at least she's already reunited with her eternal love. May both rest in peace.”

“This can’t be. My Y/N can’t be gone. Not her, not like that.” Luke is still in denial, unable to believe that his little girl suffered such a terrible ending.

“Maybe she’s not. There's still a chance that she's also a ghost.”

“Yeah, Julie’s right. We need to look out for her, we can't write her off without trying to find her first.” Reggie's eyes sparkle with hope, rushing to cover Alex's mouth in case he says anything other than motivating.

Luke takes his flannel and disappears immediately. Both Reggie and Alex stare sadly at Julie who simply whispers a "go, he needs you." They nod and teleport to their friend.

As expected, Luke is in front of the window of an old music store. He met his girlfriend here so many years ago, the day his parents agreed to buy him his first guitar.

The store had a small section where customers could try out some instruments and she was playing the guitar they had there and singing for the small audience. It seemed like it was something she did often because both the workers and certain customers seemed familiar with the girl.

Luke was captivated by her from the first moment. The energy and passion that radiated from her in every move was unreal. He had never seen anyone happier, much less singing with a borrowed guitar from a small downtown store.

The store is completely abandoned, so without saying anything he comes in and walks towards the small stage.

The ghosts of two 12-year-old kids singing together into the microphone invades his memory. If they only knew.

"Do you remember what was the first thing she said to you?" Reggie and Alex sit next to him on the floor, looking straight at the very small stage. They both try to imagine what their friends must have looked like singing here together the first time. Luke totally invading little Y/N's presentation trying to captivate her with his 0% music experience and 100% of enthusiasm.

Luke laughs through tears. "You have the voice of a country singer."

Alex starts crying when he imagines her. He met her just a few weeks later so he knows exactly how she must have looked and sound.

Reggie smiles while shedding a tear, remembering all those afternoons Y/N convinced Luke to join them in their country sessions. He knows that's why Luke hasn't wanted to know anything about country or his songs since they got back. They remind him of his sweet girl.

“I was so offended. I still didn't know anything about music but I had already decided that I would be a rocker. If I hadn't already been so dazzled by her I would have left without looking back.”

“And what did you answer to defend your honor?”

"You think so?" The three of them start laughing while still crying. A heartbreaking mix of pain comes from their chests.

“C’mon guys, next stop.”

The three of them were teletransporting around the city during the day without any success. Luke's desperation increasing for every place the songwriter wasn't.

At night the three decide to go back to the studio. Luke is heartbroken, bloated after crying all day, eyes red and sore, and whatever it was that was driving him to continue, off.

His friends couldn't do much for him either because each was living the loss in their own way, concentrating on living their own pain until they could process it.

Julie wraps them in blankets on the couch and tries to fill them with love, making sure to hug Luke tightly, who seems about to fall apart.

“Does anyone want to talk about her? Maybe it could make you feel better.”

“She was my entire soul, the words and melody in each of my songs. I just, I love her more than anything in this world. I would give anything for her. My guitar, my voice, my songs, whatever it took for us to be together. I know it doesn't seem like it at this point, but we belong together.”

“We know you do, man.”

“I didn't tell you but I dream about her almost every night since we got back. It is always the same dream. She is in bed, leaving my side intact. She's wearing one of my shirts and hugging my favorite one while sobbing. She falls asleep listening to the ballad I wrote for her soaked in tears and no matter how hard I try to wake her up, I can't get her to see or hear me. I can’t get her. After a few minutes she gets up still asleep and begins to dance as we did so many times, but alone. Then she stops and starts crying again inconsolably. And that's when I wake up."

"I'm so sorry, Luke. She deserved so much more." Reggie walks over to hug him, his head resting on his arm while he sobs.

“We couldn't even say goodbye to her.” Alex cries, his eyes completely red.

“We already know that she visited your graves, perhaps we could do the same, dedicate a few words to her.” Julie offers in an attempt to help them find some peace.

Luke looks devastated, but he nods his head as tears continue to fall from his face, the ring that his girlfriend gave him going in and out of his finger. Alex hugs Julie while she strokes his hair in an effort to calm him down and Reggie runs up to get a notebook and pencil to start planning what to say to his best friend tomorrow.

The three of them hang around all night, crying, writing, hugging, remembering the spark of Sunset Curve. In the morning before going to visit her, they realize is exactly the 25th anniversary of that tragic night that changed the lives of the four forever. Luke nearly punches a hole in the wall upon hearing the sad coincidence.

Her grave is right next to Luke's, who has never been here before and can't help but feel a bit anxious.

“Don’t worry, I’ll start.” Reggie tells the guitarist as he takes a step forward, a small smile on his lips.

"Hello, princess. Long time, huh? I'm Reggie, by the way. In case you don't recognize me from the slight change in my hair. I am trying a little more gel, I want something more elegant and classic. What do you think? Yes, I also thought you would like it.” Julie and Alex smile at hearing him talk to her as natural as possible.

“I tried very hard to think of what to say, because if there is anyone who deserves my best words, it is you. And three things came to mind that I want to share with you.

First, the color yellow.

Yellow like the guitar you were saving for two years to buy. You did everything. You were a babysitter, you walked dogs, you worked in the school library, you sang with your old acoustic guitar in every cafe, basically everything that will let you win some money.

And the day before you could finally go buy it, my dad broke my bass in a moment of anger in one of his typical fights with mom that got really out of hand. At least he didn’t hurt her, huh? But when you're a kid you don't even think about the possibility that something like that could happen, you just focus on the broken instrument in your hand. I ran out and ended up on the stairs of your house with my face soaked and one of the broken pieces in my hand.

You hugged me and promised that everything would be fine. That I was always going to have you four and that we would always be family. You assured me that good things happen to good people. And I believed you, you know? You were always right. But now that I'm here, that I know you didn't have the happy ending you deserved, I'm honestly not so sure anymore.”

Luke and Alex start crying again, each hugging Reggie from one side. Reg tries with all his might to continue through the tears, while Julie looks at them with a broken heart.

“The next day when I came back from school a new bass was on my bed. You talked to Mom so she could take the credit for the gift, but coincidentally was exactly the bass that I fell in love with a year earlier when we went to check if your beloved yellow guitar hadn't dropped in price. Luke revealed to me a few months later that you had to borrow money from your mom in order to complete the exact money for that one.

How generous do you have to be in order to do something like that? how noble? How loving? How selfless? You were always more than I deserved. I was supposed to be like an older brother for you, but it was always you who took care of me. I have Julie and Carlos, and I'm trying to be with them as you were with me. I had the best step sister in the world to teach me, and I hope I can do you justice.” Julie starts crying too after hearing his words, and resists the urge to going to hug him because she knows that they need their space to let go all the suffering that they carry.

“Second, my leather jacket.

When we started the band we made a 100% commitment to being rockstars. And a very important part is the look. You accompanied me on a walk around the city looking for the right outfit to literally go sing to the people who were lining up in front of the clubs.

Anyone could have left me alone on that for multiple reasons, not even these two wanted to face the trouble. But you followed me without thinking twice.

The afternoon was over and we still haven't found anything. Our feet couldn't take it anymore and we had 10 minutes to run to the club. But we stopped by a little store that had a black leather jacket in the window and you said, Reg, this is it.

You excitedly took me by the hand and when I tried it on, the rest was history.

Then I tried to get the whole band to use them but these two boys without fashion sense didn’t want to. You, on the other hand, supported me and wore your leather jacket during all the Sunset Curve performances we had, convincing me that they were our good luck charms and that if we both used them everything would be amazing. Oh god, I miss you so much.

And third, a star.

I thought you were a star when I heard you sing for the first time.

I thought you were a star when you and Luke managed to write the whole Sunset Curve album in 2 months.

I thought you were a star when you bought me my bass, when you made Alex feel better after one of his strongest attacks, when you filled Luke with love and support when he needed it the most.

And I believe it now that I know you are gone.

If you are in heaven, you have to be a star. And not just a star, the brightest star of all. I promise to look for your light every night to wish you sweet dreams. I will also sing you some country since you were the only one who appreciated my incredible sound, I hope it makes you smile.”

“That was beautiful, Reggie. I’m sure she loved it.” Julie finally reaches out to hug him as Alex prepares to be next.

“Hey. I don’t even know where to start.

I- I guess I should start saying I could never pay you all the times you were there to pick me up when I needed someone the most. I went back to dancing a little again. It's not the same without you, but somehow it makes me feel you close. I also met someone, oh Y/N, he’s so special, I'm sure you would have loved him and I would have loved the opportunity to introduce him to you. You were always there.

You were there to support me when I decided to learn drums to cope with my anxiety. You sang the song I was practicing over and over to keep me company and reassure me that what I was doing sounded good.

You were there to support me when I told you I like to dance. We spent hours choreographing different iconic songs and just laughing and enjoying creating more memories together.

Not shocking at this point but you were also there for me when I confessed to my parents I’m gay and you gave me strength all those times that I wanted to fall because they no longer saw me the same way.

You were always my safe place. And I regret with all my heart that I couldn’t be yours.”

Alex breaks down. She kept them on their feet during her darkest days and they paid her off by causing her the most horrible pain imaginable. Julie and Reggie surround her in their arms while sobbing. The last one of the band standing moves closer to the grave and drops to his knees.

“I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so fucking sorry.” Luke tries to be strong, but tears start falling like waterfalls from his eyes, his face red in a mixture of despair, sadness and anger.

“I will never forgive myself for leaving you alone. Baby, I've been without you for only 1 month and I’m going crazy, even with the boys and Julie by my side. I don't even want to imagine what you must have been through those two years. My soul is shattered just thinking about it.

At first when we returned I imagined you were happy after having fulfilled all our plans with someone else. And I thought nothing could hurt me more than that, but obviously I was wrong. Because although it hurt me that I couldn’t be the one who was with you, thinking that you had been happy gave me the peace to be able to continue. Now that I know that life took away your opportunity, the only thing I feel is anger.

Anger towards me, anger towards destiny. Anger at not being able to be together even after death. Since we discovered where you are, I have only been able to think of cross over and finally be with you again.

Or at least go back to the night before everything turned into a nightmare. Fall asleep with you in my arms one more time.

I swear I even miss your snoring and you biting my cheek after your goodnight kiss, as you would say, in a gesture of love.”

“Hello again, my love.

I can't believe 25 years have passed. First of all, I want you to know that I'm okay. Or well, the equivalent for ghosts that are destined to haunt the earth alone for all eternity. I made a friend for several years, Rose. I told you about her, remember? I know you guys would have been good friends, she was a ridiculously talented musician. Since she died I no longer had the strength to go back to the studio, but for a long time I enjoyed her company in one of my favorite places. She promised to tell you that I'm waiting for you. I will wait whatever time is necessary, okay? I love you so much, baby.

You three are always on my mind, and I think I can finally accept that the pain is just never going to go away. But lately something super strange has happened to me, let me tell you.

Throughout these years, in the darkest days, I see you. But, they were always memories.

A month ago, I started to see you having other kinds of experiences and I honestly don't know how to feel about it. Am I going that crazy? I selfishly hoped that you too were ghosts for so many years. I looked for you 5, 10, 15, 20 years. And just as I decide to give up, my head imagines you all over the city.

The first time I saw you singing Reggie's jam on the beach. You guys looked so happy, love. It filled my heart with peace for a few seconds, knowing that somewhere up there you are enjoying life singing together all day.

Then I saw my beloved Alex with a cute boy. My heart melted, I can’t even explain how much I wanted to run to hug him and gossip about it.

Baby, he looked so peaceful. I always wanted that for Alex. I didn't know whether to be happy or cry because that didn’t actually happen, so I did both.

The penultimate time was a few nights ago when I was walking in front of the Orpheum and I heard your voices. How wicked my mind is, right? A knife to the heart would hurt less.

And now, I can't even get close to your grave because I'm imagining you all again.”

Y/N doesn't know what to do, if she gets close enough will they disappear? What If they don’t? Will she bear to see them up close? She has been dancing with their ghosts in her dreams for so many years, but It’s not the same as doing it when she is fully awake.

She is about to run out of there in fear when the silhouette of a fourth person catches her attention. She doesn't know why, but it immediately reminds her of Rose. Could it be that she is imagining her friend too?

Curiosity is stronger than fear, like all those times when she got into trouble with her boys. She walks carefully towards her grave which is next to her beloved Luke.

“I swear I even miss your snoring and you biting my cheek after your goodnight kiss as you would say, in a gesture of love.”

“I don't freaking snore, I told you a million times already... and now I'm talking with my imagination, great.”

The band turns in shock towards the fifth voice. That's when she can see the girl's face and realize who she is.

“Julie? But, how?”

“Y/N?” Alex whispers on the verge of passing out.

She starts to panic, just before the boys can do something about it, a new person appears behind her.

“Hey, you took a long time." She turns around and jumps into the arms of who has become her only friend in recent years.

“Phoenix, thank god.” Her body continues to shake but she clings tightly to her friend while crying uncontrollably.

To say the ghosts are confused would be an understatement. And apart from that, the guitarist is having many conflicts with the jealousy that he is feeling at the moment. They haven't seen each other in 25 years and when they finally do, she runs into someone else's arms and clings to him like her life depends on it.

What does that mean for them? Is it too late?

“Beautiful, what's wrong? Who are they? Oh, wait. You guys were at the club a few weeks ago, you're friends with Willie, right?”

Luke feels like dying all over again hearing him call her that. She continues to shake but finally lets go.

“What? You can see them?”

“Shouldn’t I?” He looks at her skeptical and shifts his eyes from her to the ghosts.

“I- Oh my god. I'm going to pass out.“

“Baby, look at me.” Luke’s voice is a mix between a plea and a demand. The terror of knowing that perhaps he has already lost her without having had the opportunity to fight for her clouds his judgment and tears begin to fall from his face again.

25 years. 25 years fighting not to forget his voice. 25 years having him only in dreams, in memories, in melodies. 25 years waiting for him. 25 years on her own.

She turns slowly to meet those honey-green eyes she craved for so long to see, a painful smile from Luke makes her smile through tears.

She carefully lifts her right hand and gently draws it to his cheek, almost exploding at the feel of it.

“You came back. Oh my, It’s really you.” She jumps to the guitarist, entwining her legs at his hips, her arms tangled with all her strength around him, her head buried in his neck inhaling his scent. Tears coming out as if to drown her, all the pain and suffering that she faced all these years finally leaving her body.

Luke wraps her tightly in his arms, still unable to process what’s happening.

Alex and Reggie begin to smile without fully assimilating what is happening, while Julie begins to jump of joy.

“Babygirl, I'm sorry to ruin the moment but I have to rush to the club. Will you be okay here?"

“She's always safe with me." The guitarist growls, and Y/N starts laughing when she hears it.

"The jealous, protective baby in the beanie is right, don't worry Nix. I’ll go and find you later."

Phoenix nods with a smile and disappears. Julie begins to scold Luke while Reggie and Alex approach to touch the cheek of their best friend, still in the arms of the guitarist who does not seem to have any intention of letting go.

“We should go home to catch up. Reggie and I will accompany Julie, it seems that you two should speak alone first." Luke doesn't think twice and disappears with her in his arms.

“Good things happen to good people.” Reggie whispers as he hugs his friends and they start walking home.

Luke and Y/N reappear in the studio and they are both shocked for a few seconds. The girl trembles again in fear of dreaming.

“Hey, come here baby. Shh, I’m here, I promise.”

“Don’t leave me ever again, please.” He can see that it is very difficult for her to understand that is really happening, and to think that she lived without him not 2 but 25 years makes him want to cry again.

“I won’t. I promise, beautiful. Never again.” Luke wraps her in his arms, but she lifts her head from his chest to push her lips against his. The kiss is urgent, but they both instantly recognize each other and fit in perfectly. Luke picks her up again and gently lays her down on the couch, both desperate to feel the other, to recognize every inch.

“I missed you so much baby, I love you more than anything.” Luke whispers between kisses, not willing to have her an inch away from him.

“I love you my love. I love you, I love you, I love you.” She says while kissing the love of her life, happy for the first time in 25 years.

Before things get to escalate, the rest of the band shows up in the studio followed by Julie who clearly walks through the door.

"Let go of her man, it's our turn!" Y/N gets up quickly from the sofa while her boyfriend complains and she throws herself at both of them who pick her up as best they can and spin her in the air.

They put her down and Julie and her stare each other, both raise their arms and meet in a quick but sweet hug.

“You said my name back there, how?” The question that she has stuck since she met her finally coming to light.

“I met your mom many years ago when I came to visit the studio and realized that she could see me. We were friends for many years and I had the opportunity to see you grow up, but I always made sure to be upstairs when you came in in case you could see me too.”

“Well, now I understand how Carlos felt when he found out that we lived with ghosts. And It sounds like mom watches over us both from heaven.”

“Yeah, I’m sure she does.” Both girls smile and hug each other once more.

“I can't believe I endured 25 years without having those beautiful arms around me.” She whispers as they both lie on the couch, Luke has her completely cornered in his arms.

“I’m so sorry, baby. It breaks my heart that you have suffered that much for so many years.”

“It was not your fault. You lost as much as I did that night. Besides, I always knew that you would find me sooner or later. We belong together.”

“We do. I, I k-know we have way more to talk about but, who was the dude from the cementery?”

The insecurity in his voice is evident and Y/N can't help but smile. His emotions are complex, real, and nothing can make her happier than that.

“I’ll tell you all about my friend later, okay? For now... dance with me? I want to dance with the real deal.” He smiles and they both stand up, hugging each other as they slowly move through the studio as they did many times before life separated them.

The Luke in her arms is her Luke, the same one she has been waiting for so many years, finally back in her arms. And just as she thought when she lived, she will dance with his ghost for all eternity.

Thank you for reading✨✨

Taglist: @writerinlearning, @ghostofmgg @strangerthanfanfiction713, @thebloodthirstyvampress, @kinda-really-lost, @kcd15, @magnet-girl, @aliandthephantoms, @stxrkspidey, @pinkrockstar19, @s0uz4s, @shycupcakealissa @cookiebuba, @fangirlangioma, @sageellsworth05, @twist3dtinkerbell, @sunsetcurvenotsunsetswerve, @caitsymichelle13, @ifilwtmfc, @luckylouiebug, @bibliophilewednesday, @totomoshi, @siennanoelle01, @lunashadow6955, @bookfrog247, @morganayennefertyrell, @kiss-themoongoodbye, @rachelle3musicals, @imsydneywalker, @really-dont-forget-it @agentstarkid @talksoprettyjjx @kaitieskidmore1 @lukeys-giggle @katie-navarro @crybabyddl @cocopuffs0211 @marvel-ousnesss @blackhood5sos @tessxblxckthorn

Goy tags: @eternalharry @xplrreylo

#luke patterson imagine #luke patterson fanfic #luke patterson x y/n #luke patterson x reader #luke patterson imagines #luke patterson fic #jatp imagine #charlie gillespie fic #charlie gillespie x y/n #charlie gillespie imagines #jatp luke

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peachiimilquetea · 4 years ago

Note

heyyyy :) can i get an angst scenario (fem!reader) for your event, with tenya and the prompts, "fuck you for making me love you.", "i'm sorry that i was never enough" and "i just want to understand why i wasn't enough." please?

your writing is *mwah* chef's kiss <3 thank you!!!

“𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐦𝐚𝐤𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐲𝐨𝐮” + tenya iida

ft. “i’m sorry that i was never enough” + “i just want to understand why i wasn’t enough”

a/n: PLS WHY DO YALL ENJOY ANGST SM IT MAKES ME SAD WHEN I WRITE IT EVSJSBSJSSN. this one was just… damn. i hope i did the prompt justice tho! check out my event here!

contains: infidelity, tenya CURSES????, fuck mc ion like her in this one, breakup, overall just a shitty time, hakagure is a real one even after graduation

length: 1.2k

a/n ii: tysm for the kind words abt my work!! 🤍

hey iida, i hope this email finds you well given the circumstances,

i’m really really sorry…

tenya’s eyes scanned over the contents of the email and he could feel his world crumbling around him as he read. he had to remember to give hakagure something for all her troubles, as he was appreciative of all her help.

he had suspected something was going on for a few months, he wasn’t stupid. he saw the way you had started leaving your phone face down and picking up “extra shifts” at your job.

he noticed the way you smiled, how hollow it looked now when he said something to you or how you tensed up whenever he touched you, almost like an aversion to his affections.

so he pulled some strings, reached out to his old classmate from high school, now one of the top heroes that specialized in stealth in the country. he asked her to tail you on the way to one of your shifts and see what she could find. all he needed was confirmation.

i’m really really sorry…

you had decided to surprise him by coming home early from work that day. the guilt of sneaking around was eating at you and you knew he was suspecting something you made the snap decision to try to throw him off your trail.

“ten ten? baby i’m home!” you called, putting your stuff down at the door and striding into the room.

“why are you home so early?” he clipped out, initial devastation turning into anger the longer he looked at your face.

“what, i cant surprise, my boyfriend, anymore?” you attempted to joke, picking up on how tense the air was becoming.

“oh now i’m your boyfriend?” he chuckled in disbelief.

“what are you talking about? you’ve always been my boyfriend, ten, we’ve been together for like a year.”

“don’t bullshit me right now, _____. how long?”

“excuse me?” your smile started to slip, hoping he was angry about something else. anything else.

tenya turned the laptop sitting next to him around and your voice caught in your throat as you tried to answer him. high definition proof sat in front of you, a testament to how little you cared anymore. the look on his face told you everything.

he knows, you thought but used all your energy to keep your face as neutral as possible, opting to play dumb.

“how long, _____? answer me.”

you stayed silent, still trying to figure out a way out, but you knew you had reached the end of the line.

“how long have you been doing this _____?”

“s-seven months,” your voice was small. you were scared and ashamed- knowing you had been stringing him along for all this time and never seeing him react to anything like this. not when his brother was attacked or when his father died.

tenya didn’t think he could feel any worse. 7 months was more than half of the time you had been together officially, meaning you had checked out of this relationship a long time ago. you had been lying the whole time. having your cake and eating it too. it made him want to scream, cry and throw up all at the same time.

“im sorry tenya… really i am, but youve been so busy with hero work and your father left you in charge of everything, i’ve just been feeling really neglected, you know?”

“and you didn’t come to tell me about it? you went outside the home, outside of us to get your needs met?”

“it wasn’t like that-”

“then what was it like?” he pressed.

“i..”

“answer me, _____, what was it like?”

“you want the truth?” he gestured for you to go ahead, “i was bored.”

everything you said after that fell on deaf ears. you were rambling, and he wasn’t even sure if you were coming up with excuses for your own sake or for his.

you cheated because you were bored- bored of him and his unwavering love, bored of the late nights you stayed up to imagine your future, and bored of the way he treated the ground you walked on like gold. he absolutely adored you, and you got bored.

tenya’s mouth felt dry as he tried to articulate exactly what he was feeling. he wanted to go for a run and let the world blur into the background as he cleared his mind. he wanted to cry, one large cathartic release of everything that had been building up for the past few weeks. but most of all, he wanted to know why.

“you... got bored of me?”

you breathed out, exasperated, “yes, tenya, god! i needed some excitement, something different. you’re always so uptight, i just wanted to let loose sometimes, it was suffocating!”

iida flinched, the truth stinging more than he anticipated it would. he didn’t even recognize the woman that was staring at him, trying to explain away the betrayal of a lifetime.

“fuck you," he spat, even surprising himself with how hostile he was.

“tenya…”

“no. fuck you for making me love you, and fuck you for not having the integrity to break up with me when you knew you didn’t want to be here anymore.”

you deflated, feeling sick to your stomach at what you had done. initially, you hadn’t meant for it to get this far, but that didn’t matter now. “i know, i’m in the wrong and i’m sorry, but i think we can make this work and-”

he raised his hand at you to stop you. he didn’t want to listen to any more of what you had to say. he wanted you out of his house and out of his life.

he wanted to make you leave, and that’s exactly what he did, helping you pack up the things the two of you had gleefully moved in 3 months prior, and kicking you out.

he told you explicitly to never contact him again, much to your anguish. you knew you fucked up but you still wanted to be selfish, you still wanted access to him in ways that you didn’t deserve.

the rest of the day didn’t feel real. tenya went ghost, turning off his phone and sitting on the couch staring at the wall, unable to sit in the bedroom he once shared with you.

he thought about the ring he had asked his mom for, the ring he had already planned to give you, and heaved out a shaky sob. it was probably burning a hole in the nightstand drawer now, never to be used for its original purpose.

his eyes scanned the room, landing on a photo of the two of you that sat on the tv stand. getting up, he walked over to it to get a closer look. such a stark contrast from the way things were now. the two of you were all smiles in the photo, faces flushed and rosy from the cold air. he ran his thumb over the frame, finger caressing your face.

“im sorry i was never enough… i just want to understand why i was never enough.”

#[🍑]peachiiwrites #peachiileaf50!#mha iida #iida angst #angst #tenya iida x reader #tenya iida #iida x reader #he doesn’t deserve this #peachiileafsfw

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maisartworksstuff · 4 years ago

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Thank you, fruba 💖

Ok, in terms of how this series impacted me as a person in many senses I could go on to an even exaggerated point for a pretty long time....

So for this post I'll simply show my art progress for the 3 years 4 actually since I first watched the 2001 series exactly a year before the reboot started. a And the way this anime influenced it (I'd also admit certain parts in Takaya's own progress while the manga was running is really intriguing to me as artist :') )

Started the 2001 series in April 2018 after seeing a very certain scene(guess) in some old amv while looking for inspiration on something. Got my curiosity :D

But the earliest artworks I could find is from between catching up with the manga to the reboot getting announced and the main cast designs drop are these. from October 2018- March 2019.

But even if I made something earlier nah uh too embarrassing by now :v

(In all honesty my style as a whole never had a drastic change cuz there are parts i feel too attached to xD If anything it's more on improving with basic stuff and adding more unique preferences of choice.)

then you have season 1's run. During that I ended up making vibrant colors, gradient and sparkles a major part of it.

also one of my most successful artworks heehaw §(*￣▽￣*)§

Continuing with the true form arc &s1 ending. I remember this blog had quite growth with these pieces.

Then for a while between that and season 2 I was having quite a two months artblock (ah the grudge,,,（︶^︶）) and got back on march 2021 aka coronabiatch

And season 2!:D what I said on the vibrant sparkly coloring in s.1 got even more prominent here §(*￣▽￣*)✨

Between s.2 ending & the wait for the final my tablet & laptop died both so I focused on improving traditionally on many things. ( While also keeping up from rusting digitally with starting to color illustrations from the manga)

Throughout all of season 3 that was pretty much the same, but i got a new tablet & laptop now so I did the last two in this photo there.

In all honesty sometimes I feel like I'm far from being on a high level despite the time that passed since, and as if it went backward at certain phases... BUT in the end, it's still something I contributed to show my appreciation for this amazing series, and people often seem to really like it. Only a few months ago I had someone suddenly tell me they find the way I draw inspiring as well, never thought I'd get there.... I do go throughout another block rn, but that's fine, I can use it for a rest. And when I get the chance to find what to do again that'll happen and I can make up for the missing time by using it to improve some more. Just as the series taught- Do not let it stop me. 💖💕

#anywho wants to do a similar post go ahead :3 #also sorry if it's too long ;;#fruits basket #art #artists on tumblr #art improvment #art progress #fruba #furuba #fruits basket the final #anime #manga #artist #inspiration

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memory-hoarder · 3 years ago

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WARNING (LONG POST AHEAD)

I turn off the lights, scrolled my phone and clicked the Spotify app currently listening to (calming acoustic) 10: 05 PM, best time to unleashed all emotions that piled up from nowhere. I covered myself with a huge blanket and placed the laptop on my lap and decided to visit my page. I know, I'm being inactive lately but I'm doing my best to update my journal publicly to remind me of my long absences.

Tonight, I decided to post the questions I received a night before my birthday celebrated. I kept this on my file for a month now. Admittedly, this is the huge decision I made on my birthday. So, I asked a random people on my messenger lists - some are my work colleagues while others are acquaintances. At first, I am hesitant to ask for favor to anyone but I did. Well, I guess it was successful though I received different reactions - some confused and thought I was making fun while others are game on to sent their questions. Obviously, it took days for me to answered cos it turns out that I wasn't prepared myself for few questions that somehow affects me literally.

The twist here is I am not allow to send my answer to their questions. However, I can answer it through this journal. Which I described as bravery.

Here are some of the questions:

How’s Life? How’s Life?

A question that been asked me twice. Well, this year was the great sadness of my life that challenged me mentally, emotionally and drained me physically. Sometimes a mere struggle on financially. I’m doing fine but lots of times I seriously breaking down especially the trauma of what happened 8 months ago. But today, I accepted the fact and slowly healing me and appreciate what really God’s intention and plan for my life.

Are you happy right now?

Not sure how to put it into words but there is no reason not to be happy. Right? If you just appreciate the life you are living right now or even the smallest thing that makes you smile or giggle I guess there is no reason to be sad at all. Although, lots of times I felt happy, sad, angry or lost. But there are still lots of reasons to celebrate or be joyful too. I juts let myself felt all the emotions that life wanted me to experienced to remind me that I indeed exist. There are people who could bring me joy and sadness at the same time but all I know they are all part of my journey.

Have you ever missed me before we lost our communication? Do you consider me as true friend?

Of course, I do. I miss the old you the person who I genuinely treasured during my college days. And, you are one of the reasons why I indeed survived college. I just don’t understand why we both let this friendship died. Was it because we no longer catch up? But, how I hope building friendship again will no longer hard as I imagined. But, please know that you became part of my story. I always count on you whenever I am sad and confused. I feel comfortable sharing my thoughts because I know you will never judge me. Hope to see you again soon. Take care of yourself!

Why there are times you don’t have the mood to talk?

Because, I read my surroundings and I feel comfortable being alone not to isolate but to process my own thoughts with myself which my normal thing growing up and I choose this way - became aloof at times not wanted to talk to anyone or go out. It makes me sad to think only few understand my personality. However, I can't just normalize this because of extrovert people I knew. I don’t have mood to talk and I push away people closed to me because I find a happy place being alone. Its not sad or dark what it gives me is peace of mind that no on can offer.

Would you like to change your past or stay on your present path? Why and why not?

I believed majority will choose the past, we all wanted to change one thing that we regret of doing - apologies, goodbye's, places to travel, opportunities we must have and other important things we slip away that is why I choose the past over my present. One thing I am eager to experience all over again is my mom's precious life, only if I had the power to bring her back. I was just 16 years old when she died, and I think the years of her being a mother to us will never be enough. However, her life is a blessing and all the valuable teachings that she imparted on me and to my siblings will remain on us forever. How I wish for her to at least see as growing up especially my brother that she spoiled a lot, and for us to give back all the things she deserved. I imagined date her on a restaurant, buy her clothes, treat her to the salon or accompany her on the grocery store. I also wanted to visit the past to catch up with my high school friends – Mira and Jeno, I will never forget how they literally brings me deep joy and the reason I am early bird during junior high because of the dare. I just missed the sound of Jeno's sense of humor, I treated her more than a friend rather a sister and it broke me when I received the news that he's gone. I was not there for him nor visit his and mom's grave for years now. I wanted to comfort Mira, but I am too far away and impossible to have my own money for my flight expenses. What I did is to cried and prayed for his soul. All of the good memories flashed back once more yet I realized God might took away two beautiful souls in my life but I am confident they watching over and guiding me through life.

I am or was curious regarding James situation, did it ever cross your mind you regret James being your boyfriend?

In all of the questions I received this one hits me hard to the core. For everyone’s knowledge James and I are in a relationship for over 4 years now. Just like other couples we did fight over little things yet we matured and grow together. One thing I really loved about James Charlie is how kind and pure his heart. He helps people as long as he can even himself are struggling to live. Not to mention his over confidence that I am jealous of. I guess, because of how friendly and inviting his amour. Also, a talented one he knows how to dance, sing and imitate different kinds of sounds, He’s grammar and vocabulary are lit. He can also play guitar very well, draw portrait’s and even writing a poems. He knew, he won my heart through his creative abilities. I was also surprised how he interested over history of aliens, bermuda triangle, mermaids and what I consistently heard of the Pyramid of Giza, life documentaries and other related history of it. I find him sexy whenever he talked about some of it. Our age gap is never an issue on our relationship and I am lucky that he guided me on everything, considered my opinions or thoughts and when I freaked out badly which occasionally happened he handle me perfectly and I appreciated his temperament level during my anxiety attacks or whenever I choose to isolate myself him being shut off. He understood me in my own terms and be myself. Yet relationship will test your loved from one another, there were also things that I don’t like of him doing however James does listened to me. He listens to advises either coming from me or from other people that cared for him. He is a vocal person, that one thing that I fall for him is his sense of humor. I guess talkative and being clingy towards person is his nature especially growing up in a broken family. Consistent communication is a key. I remembered he told me that I was different to all the girls she dated on his past life. That I am out of his league, he doesn’t know that he is of out my league too but when I know him deeply he taught me lessons in life and felt his warm love. Over the course of our relationship he respect the limitless of our love language and he accepted and understood the love without intimacy is a different level of love and respect and from his perspective I wanted everyone to know that James has a huge respect towards me, my beliefs and reasons. How someone could wait for something that he can easily took away something on his past relationship. Our relationship is somehow changed us individually into a better person. Getting older, he became dreamer and goal oriented. I witnessed all his hard work, that he celebrated through silence. He wanted to build home and think of small business that will be our retirement in the future. How many kids we wanted or how many dogs we will going to breed. I guess, some people misunderstood James for so long, how miserable life that no one to talk and curse during your victories or failures? Friends and addiction in alcohol and other stuff are his way of escaped, escape from the reality that lead him to take his own precious life once. I know how difficult life for him way back on his early 20’s that he fought all his battle alone and how he overcome his depression and addiction without someone to lean on. And nowadays, everything makes sense to me that I realize being independent sometimes is not a choice but more on a decision. decision and accepting no one will guide you through your journey so you have to do it alone either it brings you sadness or happiness in a process, not to count living alone and make money all by yourself. I agreed he might do bad decision in life but that doesn’t mean his life has no purpose at all. Instead, God is confident that he will win this battle not for everyone, not for the sake of me or our relationship but for himself. As for our current situation, I know being with him and fight through the end will inspired him a lot. Yes, he currently working on his self and will prove to everyone when the time comes that he will be able to regain his new

life and continue living.

We introverts, tend to think a lot, like really overthink a lot. What do you mostly overthink and how deep? Deep, like does it leads you to think more negatively resulting to depression? (mild depression, maybe).

I overthink some scenarios on my head when it really affects my whole being and when every time I think of it, obviously it trigger my anxiety not depression I guess. I can recall one or two hard situations that happened to me, and I know it wasn’t me trying to act that way. I even punished myself and literally breakdown trying to hurt myself, call me freak or whatever cos now I asked myself too how I even allowed myself to did terrible things, because anxiety creeping on me and telling me to do it. But, mostly I think of is my future and myself – deep that it scared me a lot. I have lot of questions of this world that I keep on searching by myself until now.

Why it took for you to share your problems?

Honestly, when I’m having a serious problem I am not confident to share to anybody except to my family who already knew. It took too long because advises no longer work for me, I listened because it was normal people do – advise and advise. Maybe, it was me who are picky to share my problem with, sometimes people listened but never in heart. Not all people deserve to know your struggle and during your lowest times, I have my own terms of coping so you do.

How do you maintain your petite body? If you had three wishes, what would you wish for?

Wow! I never see this coming. Well, I guess being fit is what I inherited on my father's side. They not so fat unlike on my mother's side. I have no limit on foods I intake in other words not your discipline person to look up to. I do eat carbs, junk foods and sodas is always on my list. I never worried if I am physically fit aside from walking Maxine during days off. I don't know how do I maintain this body I guess I'm never. Being fit actually is my insecurity. However, I do loved my body whatever what happen.

Well, if I had 3 wishes in life - first, to end this pandemic so that everything will back to normal. second, for James to have peace of mind and good health while waiting for the process of his case. And, lastly, for me to be strong, lasting patience and strong faith.

How would you solve your problems?

Problems is always part of lives. But, I believed it is always about the degree of the problem. Whenever, I had problem sometimes I resolved it in time but other times I need more time and space to think what will be the resort of it. And, pray for some guidance.

As independent being, how do you handle depression and anxiety?

Good thing to end all of this questions, I became independent when I graduated from college. I have to commute 131 kilometers back and forth from another city just to apply on my first job and the process is never easy at all. When you sent all of your applications form on each companies but never accepted It brought so much sadness, one point of my life I am eager to seek job because I used it as my coping mechanism to walked away from home which I did now, I walked away to protect my peace of mind especially having anxiety growing up and having this thing is hard as people imagined. You might only see darkness and feel of losing but for me, I guess for a year now I handled myself perfectly I never allow this condition to swallow me whole and affect my way of living. I reminded myself to keep strong and remain optimist and always protect my peace of mind at all cost.

I am 24 now strong and happy and leaving Haruki Murakami quote: "And once the storm is over, you won't remember how you made it through, how you managed to survive. You won't even be sure, whether the storm is really over. But one thing is certain. When you come out of the storm, you won't be the same person who walked in. That's what storms all about"

#self love #journaling #birthday #24 years old

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notfeelingthyaster · 4 years ago

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Imagine (Son of Hades! Percy; Godswapped! Big Three's kids) (7/8) or (12/13)

Blood of Olympus pt. 1 - The Aftermath

Hello! So there I go dividing more stuff - oh well, what did you expect? Before reading, make sure to check the masterpost - there's a lot before this.

Before anything, I want to apologize. A reader brought to my attention that I had not put on trigger warnings - a mistake that I corrected as soon as I could. I apologize if I accidentally triggered anyone. I'm sorry, I won't do that again. Check the masterpost for the warnings before proceeding and tell me if I forgot any. So, anyway. Good reading, enjoy!! :))

They're traveling to Athens. It's slower because the winds don't cooperate - but they have some time. They have to be there by August 30th, so ten days.

It's good, Annabeth thinks. It gives her time. Time to plan, to strategize. To hope a part of her best friend, the only remnant of her teenage years that is not dead or off serving the gods, is not still in the Pit.

She keeps herself occupied - between maps, research, and daily messages from Reyna and Malcolm, Annabeth has not a lot of time to ponder.

But when she does - and she does anyway, because Annabeth is a solver. Is what she does, she solves problems - but she has no idea how to fix her best friend.

Percy - Perseus, really, because this is him in full combat mode - has been awake for exactly a day and a half. Literally.

He doesn't sleep - mostly, he just patrols. It doesn't seem to affect him much. At least he is eating. Oh yes, the eating - he eats like the food is going to be taken from him at any second, and as much as he can.

She can't help but be scared - he has the same scar, at the same place. If Annabeth is a little affected by it, how is he dealing with the remainder of the son of Hermes?

Annabeth knows rationally that she can't blame him for not talking to anyone, for acting differently. But it hurts, that he won't confide in any of them, in her - not about what happened down there.

It's been a day and a half. He was in the Pit for more or less twenty days - and time in the Underworld is different. What if he was stuck there for years in his perspective? What did he see there?

These are questions that, unfortunately, only Perseus could answer. And he is deflecting. Well, at least he looks closer to crashing when they trade places at patrol - Annabeth will wait until he is ready, but she really hopes is soon.

Sometimes, when she is alone, she wishes none of this ever happened. If they were in power, maybe this wouldn't happen - it's not hubris, right? To see that they would be better than the gods?

The daughter of Athena is not alone in worrying. Most of the crew share different levels of concern - mostly prominent in Will, who saw all of Percy's scars and is torn between wanting to know how he got them, and never asking for fear of the answer.

Leo is surprised to notice that he is also very worried about the health aspect. He is not a person that generally focuses on humans - but this is different. He saw prosthetics before - Hephaestus cabin does a lot of them - and this kind of amputation? Very traumatic. People took a lot of time to adapt - Jake amputated his foot eight months ago and he is still having phantom limb pain and disassociating from it.

Okay that Perseus' new leg is a marvel of engineering that Leo's hands are itching to dismantle to see how it works - alas, Daedalus never left the blueprints of his fake body in Annabeth's laptop, he asked - but how did he deal with it in the middle of a wasteland?

Everything came full circle when the boy in question finally crashes - Nico is the first one to wake up with the screams. They aren't shrieks, nor words, just sheer screams of pure horror.

When he is out of his door, sword at hand, all the other cabins are opening too - Jason is the last to come down, being in the deck in patrol.

Perseus' door is cold. There's no other name for it - there's an aura of pure death around it, covering the entire hallway in a dreadful mood. It curls around Nico's spine - he can feel the shiver in his bones.

The one who opens it is Hazel, the one who seems least affected by the cold - it's so easy to forget that she was dead once. Perseus is immobile in the bed, his mouth open in the awful scream.

Before Will can stop him, Nico goes to wake Perseus up. He has no idea how to deal with the situation, but he cannot keep hearing this. Piper tries to hold his arm to stop him, but she is still sleep ridden.

The son of Zeus barely touches the other demigod - his fingers barely skimming Perseus' arm - and he is pinned to the wall, an ax he didn't even seem prepared to slash at him, with a tiger growling behind Perseus.

Nico suddenly feels like his true age. His whole body tires and sags, and he feels the drawn in his bones - it's only a few seconds, but it feels like an eternity. He wants to drop down - to rest and let his slumber carry his soul away.

He closes his eyes - expecting either the slash of the blade or the tiredness to take him away - but neither happens.

"STOP"

It's Piper. It works - more or less. Perseus doesn't immediately drop everything - the light just seems to return to his eyes. They are black still, but the vines of green are back, creeping towards his pupils.

"Oh. Oh shit. Shit shit shit. Nico. I... I... I'm s-sorry... Oh gods I'm so, so, so s-sorry I-... I didn't... I didn't t-think... I-... this, this wasn't s-su-su... supposed to happen! This wasn't supposed t-to c-come with me!"

Perseus worked himself into a frenzy. He is in a corner of his room now, his ax left behind, but the tiger firmly in front of his master. None of the others have noticed Nico's strength leaving him. The son of Zeus half thinks he imagined it.

"No... no. No. No, no, no. No touching. No touching. No. No touching."

Perseus is almost trembling, but he is not crying. Nico realizes that he saw Perseus cry only once - when Luke was spread on the floor of the Olympus, Annabeth's dagger buried to the hilt in his tight. He wonders if the hero ever cried for himself.

The son of Zeus - and most of their friends that took a step forward - put their hands up, take a step back. Perseus seems calmer.

They don't talk about it. Nico suspects something happened - he felt so tired. He felt eighty - his body decaying around him. But nobody mentioned it - and when they left Percy alone, it was like it was just a nightmare.

PTSD, Will called it. Anxiety after days of being hunted through hell - the trauma still fixed on his mind, the idea of being in danger every second of every day. Depending on the outcome of this war, they might all have it by the end of it, if they don't already.

But Nico knows there's more to it. He would pass it up as a figment of his imagination if Perseus touched anyone. But he doesn't - he avoids even looking at people for too long.

He tries to bring up the topic with Annabeth - the gloves, the sweaters back. She thinks that it's comfort, something to tether him into reality.

Nico doesn't believe that - he doesn't think she does either. He had his own struggles with anxiety for years, but he has no time for pushing. After that night, Perseus doesn't scream again - one has to wonder if he is even sleeping at all.

Nico wants to help. For once, correct something that he knows it's his mistake no matter how many times they deny it. It's how he finds himself in the third night hovering in Perseus' door.

This is not really a smart idea - because the other demigod notices and opens it, so tired - there are bags under his eyes, but the ax is held precariously in his hand.

"What is it, Nico?"

The correct answer would be "Sorry, didn't mean to bother you." But Nico's dumbass teenager mind stutters.

"I... I wanted to check on you. Are you okay? I... I just noticed that you seem kinda weird."

Percy is not angry or resentful - he doesn't even slam the door in his face as Nico would probably do. He is just tired, and that's a thousand times worse.

"Why... why do you care?"

"We are friends, aren't we?"

"Yeah, sure. Kind of." The "you never bothered before" goes unsaid.

It stings, but it's not a lie. Their past is turbulent - a lot of misunderstandings and mistakes on Nico's side, a lot of grudges and overreacting on Percy's. Still, they fought in a war together. They're still fighting.

"I care about you" He hopes Percy doesn't see the blatant subtext "Something happened - don't... d-don't shut me out. I did that when Bianca... died. Nothing good came out of that."

Perseus takes a deep breath - he looks exhausted to the bone. Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to mention Bianca. One of his hands tremble - Nico sees that no parts of his body touch the mechanical leg, ever.

"Something happened. I fell down into hell." He must see the flinch Nico gives, and breaths out "Sorry. That was harsh. It... it wasn't your fault. It's nobody's fault."

Something in his eyes tells Nico that he does blame someone - not him, but maybe Arachne. Or the gods. Or Annabeth. Or worse, himself.

Well, that couldn't stand.

"I know" He doesn't, but that's not the moment "But you need help. I can help."

Nico makes a move to touch Perseus' arm - it's a bad idea because his whole body flinches away.

"I don't. I don't want your help."

It's uncalled for, and it hurts on Nico's pride - of course, he wouldn't need Nico's help. What did Nico ever do to him? Was his touch so unwelcomed? Well, if he thinks he can do it alone, Nico should leave him to it.

"Sure, suit yourself. I won't bother again."

Perseus sighs again when the sixteen-year-old leaves. He doesn't want to hurt Nico - gods know that he should, dammit his weak spot for cute people that would drive a knife through his back - but they should leave him alone. He is fine. He'll be fine.

Hazel is also worried - mainly for the backlash of the coming back to the natural, living world. For her, it was weeks of adaptation - to air, breathing, the sun. And Perseus was in a worse place even.

Sometimes she wonders if the Tartarus shouldn't have been her weight to carry - if the Underworld shouldn't be her place. Hazel loves the surface - Nico, Leo, and Frank, and warmth - but there's a part of her that will forever be under a sad tree in the Fields of Asphodel.

Perseus is nothing but kind - he saved her. He saved all of them - not only from danger - but from themselves. And she is too chicken to help, after listening to her brother whine about his own experience.

Her only comfort comes when she is able to cuddle with Leo - Leo, her Leo, her soon-to-be Leo. While Frank is older and her crush for him never diminished, her own for Leo only grew.

That's why, when her patrol is ending on the fourth morning and Leo emerges from the belly of the ship, covered in grease and clutching an ash-covered wrench, talking under his breath about a thing or another, she goes khaki wacky and plants one on him.

Leo flays a little - Hazel is from the 40s. She thinks maybe this is being too forward - even if in Nova Roma, this isn't uncommon behavior. Girls are able to kiss boys - it's not being a sharecrop anymore.

The boy takes a deep breath - like he can't believe this small closed mouth smooch is happening and gives her a grin.

"Hi sugar, are you rationed?"

She laughs until her belly hurts, and they smooch again - no tongue, no open mouth. Leo blushes horribly - and it's easy to see under the grease.

When this war ends, it'll be she. And Leo. And Frank. Their lives are too short to spend pining and pondering - she sees her brother every day, and that's not what she wants.

After the war, there will be no wars. There will be no quests and no killing - just peace. Heroes get to have peace - like the original Jason. The gods are not ruining this for Hazel anymore. So she walks Leo to the front of the ship, so they can watch the sunrise together.

In the afternoon of their fourth day, they fight against a mixed group of monsters - and that's the day Piper actively begins to see the changes on Perseus.

She likes him a lot - he is an amazing friend - but he has no mercy. He annihilates two-thirds of the obstacle Gaea sent for them. It's a sight to see - because he is not close to the ground. There are no skeletons, no vines, no metal, no shadow under the sun of the middle of the day.

It's just him, his ax, and a skeleton tiger. Perseus doesn't even do it cleanly - there are blood, ichor, and dust smeared all across the floor and through his clothes. He twirls the blade around, and they don't even see him as he chops up monsters left and right.

Some try to flee - he doesn't let them. Something keeps them in the ship - and Piper would bet is Perseus, for he just keeps slaughtering them. She doesn't feel bad for them - this is war. They would kill the demigods, exactly like he is doing.

Piper is... curious. She wonders if he would rip the gods apart too - if they would bleed as much as some monsters, of if they would just turn into dust. If Perseus needs to cut them in pieces and scatter them on the Pit himself.

She isn't the only one - she sees the reluctant lust in Nico's and Jason's eyes, the sheer possibilities blooming in Annabeth's eyes. She sees fear mix with interest - Piper sees everything.

She doesn't think Perseus is well, or better. He isn't telling them shit for some reason after all. You don't go to hell and get on with life. Piper doesn't trust him to not turn on them - she knows him for about a month and a half now, a third of which he was in hell - but if he is going to destroy someone, is probably Gaea. Or the gods - she isn't bothered either way.

They are all dangerous. Reality-changing, world-ending dangerous. A skilled warrior? That doesn't scare Piper. Not anymore. Not in the middle of a war.

"Huh. Can you teach me?"

Perseus gives her a feral smile. Across his cheek, there's a streak of gold - for a second, Piper wonders if he is not a god himself.

Annabeth wonders if the gods will let them survive after the war. They got too powerful, too much. Sometimes, she looks at their eyes and sees they're more god then men. Their powers accumulate - evolve. Better.

Before, she was a sharp mind. Now Annabeth feels her godly blood spurning her further and further - no longer just mind, but the body. She sees attacks before they come - she is a goddess.

And she likes it. The power coursing through her veins - the ability to control. She then swears to herself they'll be that way - forever.

The following day, they stop by an island - Perseus feels a big gathering of ghosts. It's Odysseus' palace. They go in a group to investigate: Perseus himself, Hazel for her mist, Annabeth and Will. Nico would go - but he hasn't talked to Perseus for two days now, and is mostly sulking.

Annabeth - who is as cunning as Odysseus himself once was - asks Hazel to cloak her as a beggar. She asks around - but all suitors give vague answers. Even her wordplay cannot get a single phrase out of the ghosts.

Until Perseus puts her hands on a ghost - Eurymachus is his name - and the ghost is possessed - it tells them anything. Annabeth is clocking information from it - devouring with an avid look. Her grey eyes gleam in the blueish light of the spirits.

For Will, is almost otherworldly. It's Hades and Athena. It's more - it's Perseus Jackson and Annabeth Chase, controlling and pushing something they never did before.

They trade looks, and their glowing hands stay entwined long after the ghost tells them that Apollo no longer controls Delphi and that Nike is lost - running free.

Victory, Perseus thinks, Victory. A goddess so vain, that she thought the tides of war depend only on her - not on Tyche, or Bia, Enyo, and Ares. So many gods of war - so many superiors - and she thought herself capable of defying them - and the demigods. For a charioteer, Nike is quite a proud little goddess, isn't she?

So they have their next goal - finding the elusive arrogant dickhead - and following travel to Athens. With Victory on their side or not.

With the glowing phantom, their disguise is blown. Perseus himself was never proficient with ghosts - but he is very proficient with his Ax, and that cut spirits very well.

They fight - but Perseus is just so tired. He just wants them all to go away. With his powers fully restored, even if the earth doesn't obey him anymore, increasingly possessed by Gaea, the shadows should.

He is fond of his shadows - they are a comforting presence, so different from the corrupted ones of Tartarus. He revels in them - Perseus is their master. As he is master of the green ghostly fire, that seems to burn the spirits away.

He hopes sincerely that they don't even get the pleasure of the Fields of Punishment. He hopes they disappear forever in the void - Perseus has no time for petty enemies anymore in this long war which has absolutely nothing to do with them.

Will is hurt in the side - a gladius - but doesn't stay like that. As they climb back to the ship, his wound closes under the fiery light of the morning sun across his fingers - magic that was supposed to help only others, and never himself.

His father disappears, and Will is getting more power. He is not the only one - Perseus fear they'll become too much like their parents, that their powers will amplify their faults and take their humanity away - but is he even human anymore?

He looks at his "leg". It's not him - he is a cyborg. There's a dead piece of metal in him. Perseus could feel the vitality around him - their sheer youth, blazing like a light to burn all the empires. He could take it all for himself. He could kill them all, grind them to dust - they wouldn't even have time to fight him.

Perseus could take it all for himself - become immortal, a parasite latching unto others - how does that make him human? How is he any better than a flea?

They decide on a group to go to Olympia after lunch - Percy, Leo, Hazel, Nico. Four is a good number - a solid number, made of people who are non-competitive. The ones who loathe themselves - isn't this fun? Maybe they'll debate who is the worst.

They divide when they get to the island - Leo and Hazel go one way, the Nico and Percy go the other - Leo is the one to engineer it, but Percy wholeheartedly approves - it's tiring to coexist with a passive-aggressive Nico. He is done with this situation.

While the couple walks, Nico and Percy stand in awkward silence, side by side. Eventually, Percy sighs - he doesn't want to cave, but they have bigger problems to work on, and he kinda misses Nico's sarcasm.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"For being harsh with you."

"No, you aren't."

"I am!"

"Will you let me help you? Will you let anyone help you?"

"I don't need help. I'm better."

"Then let me touch your hand."

"Go on."

"With no gloves."

"What? Why? No!"

"See? You aren't better!"

"We're in the middle of a war. I was in Tartarus a week ago."

"Promise me then. Promise me that after the war, you'll get help."

"Nico..."

"Promise me Percy. And don't... don't break this one."

It's the lowest of low blows, but Percy's acquiesces. They start talking - stiltedly. Percy still doesn't touch him. Then Nico sprouts something he'll later regret (or maybe not): Calypso is again locked up.

Nico sees now - before, when Perseus was mad, the earth trembled. With no earth to answer to him, the shadows curled around his ankles and his covered fingertips - rounding behind his ear and on the curve of his smirk.

The son of Zeus is not a fearful person - but that doesn't make him afraid. It makes him remember why he is so infatuated with Perseus - he is not only a hero - he is more. He is a rebel and a challenge - Perseus only follows his own rules. It's a bravery Nico lacks, and one that attracts him like a moth to a fire.

Perseus just asks him to repeat, and then hums when he does, stuttering over his stupid blush. It's mercy that the demigod is not looking in his direction.

"Fret not, Nico. Let Calypso enjoy her vacation. The beaches are really pretty this time of the year."

It's scary - there's no one in Percy's voice. It's like the demigod is on the brick of a really bad meltdown - but they both know they don't have time for it now. So Perseus breathes in - once, twice.

Calypso will be free, and he is not even using his winning wish for it - he already used one once. She did nothing wrong, they are the oathbreakers. Perseus should know better than to trust any oath in a river that they never put a finger on.

So he lies back on the rock. If they survive - when, because he didn't go to hell to die because of Tartarus' less impressive sister - she'll be free. And well prized for this stunt.

Leo and Hazel get back accompanied by Tempest, who, again, appears always following some big revelation - maybe the venti also serves Hazel's new mistress.

The group heads towards the ruins which are roughly twenty kilometers wide. They decide to walk through them, looking for something to pop up - the earth doesn't answer to Perseus, but that doesn't mean that he can't feel the power on it. Eventually, they head toward the Temple of Zeus where an old Nike statue used to stand.

Leo provokes the goddess to come forth by hurling insults at the Nike brand - it's his specialty, sassing up gods. Perseus is more of a shade kind of guy if he can say so himself.

The goddess' Roman and Greek side, Nike and Victoria, are at war with each other trying to decide which side will be victorious. It's ridiculous.

The goddess challenges the four to a fight to the death, with the Romans and Greeks against each other. But there are no Romans and Greeks here. Nico and Perseus lived on both sides - and even if Hazel is Roman-inclined and Leo didn't have time to meet Nova Roma, it doesn't change anything. They wouldn't fight each other.

The time to fight is long gone - they should be rallying against Gaea. But Nike is too proud to admit to a tie - to both sides of herself to have peace.

She demands them to fight in an arena and gives them four minutes to be present. To make sure that they get there she sends four metal statues after them. But instead of fighting each other, they will fight the goddess.

Nike can try and influence their minds - but in the end, with her so weak, battling against herself, it's no match for four strong-willed demigods. Perseus is so tired of gods with petty struggles in the middle of something so much bigger.

The goddess-es fight for him and Nico - what side should they be. They trade verbal blows - Senatus, Praetor, Titan War are all used as arguments.

Funny isn't it? She wasn't on his side a month ago. Perseus fell - into the depths of the abysm - and while he won - again, and again, and again - it wasn't truly a divine victory.

It was not her victory. The merit is his, only his. She didn't sweep down in her great golden wings to save him, did her? Nor will she help with a war to save herself and her family. So why should she exist at all? Why should Perseus abstain from draining her and...

Perseus clenches his fists - he can't, he won't kill Victory. That's not him. He is not a murderer. That's just the remnants of the Pit in his good-for-nothing mind.

She is horrible - but if she dies, she'll end up in Tartarus. And not even her colossal hubris deserves that.

So, they subdue her - her powers aren't enough to stop the four of them, not when Percy alone and twelve defeated her superior - Ares himself. And, when defeated, Nike concedes her blessing for the upcoming war - they just won Victory.

It's a good omen - but she does advise them that one of them shall die - and that they would need the Physician's Cure.

When they go back to the board, Annabeth and Will start researching - both of them know the name, but can't link it to anything else. They find it in the Infirmary Archives - some that Will brought for light reading. It's not very hopeful, since none of them are brewers, but Hazel is a magic user and Will is a healer - they can do this.

Daedalus laptop holds the answers to the formula: Pylosian Mint, Makhai, and the Curse of Delos. They would also need Asclepius himself - but seeing that he was condemned to Tartarus and probably still there, it's more probable they'll do this themselves.

Frank, Jason, and Annabeth go to the port of Pylos looking for the poison - obvious options for the small mission nearby water.

They walk for a while. Annabeth notices a weird tension between Frank and Jason - Frank is giving Jason pointed looks, while Jason gives Frank worried ones - that has been that way for a few days now.

She couldn't possibly know that was about not only Jason's obvious crush on Perseus - which Frank is pushing the blonde to act on - but about Frank's own feelings.

Yesterday morning, while Frank was coming to take his shift on the patrol, he saw Hazel and Leo kissing. And the worst part is that he is not only sad but longing.

He is not jealous. He wants that - he wants all. Is too much and he doesn't deserve it - Frank feels so small, compared to the demigods he is traveling with. And with such... disgusting desires. The son of Mars only feels guilty - he has to erase this from his mind.

Eventually, Annabeth helps Frank to force an old soldier ghost to give them answers - she tells them they need to go to Nestor's Cave and gives them the directions.

Frank goes in and talks to a man who hands him a bottle. The son of Mars explains that his cousins, other descendants of Pluto, have been living there for generations.

They dinner together - Jason is not very welcomed. Most people there still remember the last war - and aren't all that fond of the progeny of Poseidon and Zeus - but as they are close to the sea, at least they're civil.

Some of them recount fondly about their own days at Nova Roma - they are all clear-sighted mortals, even if the godly blood is too diluted in their veins, but these are the ones that have it closer - great-grandkids of minor gods attracted to the old blood.

There's even a daughter of a minor river deity - and a pair of twins that are direct descendants of Juventa, in her travels to visit Hercules. It's an overall paradise, in the middle of a war.

Annabeth misses her dad. And Thalia. And Luke. She misses having a family - she wonders if this war will turn her unrecognizable - or else if it already did. If they are too godly for the mortal world - if they shouldn't take their rightful place.

As a parting gift, the cousins gave Frank the small vile of poison - it's the Pylosian Mint, the first piece to their puzzle. Before leaving, they tell the trio about a chained god, in Sparta.

They go back to the ship - in the mess hall, Frank muses that the chained god might be Ares because the Spartans believed that if they chained him up the spirit of war would never leave them.

Hazel disagrees - she thinks it might be Aphrodite Areia - Sparta was the first place where the goddess was worshiped, and if the Romans have aspects, wouldn't the greeks too? It's quickly shot down - Dyonisus said they were reborn - their aspects changing with their cult, if they weren't worshipped at the same time.

Perseus thinks he heard once that Aphrodite Ourania, Aphrodite Areia, and Aphrodite Pandemos were worshipped at the same time - but doesn't mention it. It doesn't seem important - he might be wrong.

Piper herself argues that it might be one of their sons - Anteros, Himeros, Phobos, Deimos, Harmonia, Pothos, or Eros - for which Jason, Nico, and Frank flinch - they wouldn't want to meet the divine couple's offspring again.

Other possibilities are the Erotes - which seems to make Piper happy, for one of them is Hermaphroditus theyself - or one of Ares or Aphrodite other children - too many to list here.

Anyway, they set course to Sparta - for the happiness of Annabeth and the general tiredness of the group. It is like an RPG play - Nico muses - they have a ton of mini-quests. It's tiring, and it's boring - flicking like bees after something or other for a bigger purpose that never seems to come.

They go to sleep, and Piper has a vision: it's her, Annabeth, and Hazel, running through the ruins of a temple - the temple of Phobos, her half brother. There's blood on the blonde's forehead - and Piper looks like she did before.

She doesn't want to go there. It's fear - she understands it - but that's one fear she is not keen on facing. Her old short hair, the boy clothes, the adam's apple, the stubble.

But they need this - someone might die. Someone will need this. So damn her half-brother. Her mother promised her, that when this ends she'll be herself like she always wanted.

So she goes and tells the group - no one is really happy to send them to somewhere they might get hurt - especially because the last time Annabeth went on a mission on the Underground, shit happened - but the daughter of Athena starts to list all of their mistakes and they have no real say in what the girls do, so off they go, into Sparta.

The six boys stay behind - but no one is slacking. Will ropes Frank into helping to research for anything they might have on the Physician's Cure; Leo finally convinces Perseus to have a look at his leg - even if just to see how much time before Perseus has to go to the Phlegethon to get more fuel; and Nico and Jason are stuck in patrol together.

Which is no good - they haven't really talked since the Cupid episode, and the last few days, the worry about Perseus and the small missions clouded everyone's personal turmoils. But now that the son of Hades is somehow adapting, they have time.

And time is a dangerous thing. Before the two weren't alone in the ship - there was always one on the mission, one otherwise occupied. Leo - and probably Frank and Piper - have been running interference.

Jason had no courage to approach Perseus, as Nico did. Nico knows that - it's in the way that Perseus treats Jason, just like he does Frank - pretending that the Pit never happened.

It's impossible to do this with Leo, who looks at his leg and his medical history and see far more than the others. Or Annabeth, Will, and Hazel, who he is closer to. Or Piper, who just seems to know everything. And Nico, who confronted him face to face.

Jason, however, only knows him one-sided - Perseus doesn't know him. They are friends, and before all this happened, they seemed to spend more and more time together. But they aren't close - the camaraderie didn't have enough time to develop into the trust.

That's why is so weird - he knows what the blonde is going through - the wish to be closer, to be able to at least help in any indirect way, but unable to gleam more about the situation. The information didn't come so easy in real life as it does in dreams.

They don't talk anymore, him and Jason. They just sit in silence or walk around their rounds in opposite directions. Eventually, the son of the sea god can't help it.

"How is he?"

Nico has the urge to answer "Wouldn't you like to know?", but that's petty and unnecessary. Jason isn't a bad person. It's just too easy to love Perseus sometimes.

"Better, I think. After the war, he'll be."

It's more for their sake than the truth. They try to talk again, stilted and trivial. Nico feels awkward - he misses their natural friendship. It won't stop because of a mutual crush - but they need to work for it.

So he settles for this trying. It's bad, and it's mostly both of them skirting around topics, their upbringings making it difficult - both have the emotional development of teaspoons. But they're trying, and it's okay.

Meanwhile, the girls are descending the Temple of Phobos, which is under a blazing hill. Hazel goes in front - manipulating the mist to stop the fire and looking for traps - and Piper and Annabeth follow the hike, talking quietly to fulfill the silence.

"What are you hoping to do, after this?"

"I don't know. Spend time with my dad. Fight for trans rights. Learn how to use more weapons. You?"

"I want to reshape the world - to build something. Maybe a city for the greeks. Maybe go into politics - Nova Roma looked directly out of my dreams."

"I do like politics - I'm more on the activist side, though."

"I was all for the Nobel Woman Initiative last year - there were two of my half-sisters there. You know, I did think it would be cool for schools to take this more seriously - I did my freshman year the same school as Percy, and like, barely any girls at the honor roll - even though most PA classes were brimming with them."

"I'm guessing traditional boarding school - I went to a lot of those, y'know. I was finishing my sophomore year before this mess, taking three AP classes. Stretched out like hell."

"I was taking five - because crazy over-achievers Perseus and Rachel took four, and I couldn't decide on the options. I was overworking for a while, but I did manage better than them - I think Rachel was high every time we visited her on the St. Claire's Academy, but maybe it was just the sheer amount of coffee and Redbull."

They keep on talking. It's the first time Annabeth talks to the daughter of Aphrodite and doesn't think she is an airhead. Piper is a conversationalist - exactly the type of friend she lacks, someone that can keep up with her streams of random thoughts.

Maybe they could have a girl's night with Rachel when they go back to camp. Maybe invite Hazel, and even Reyna too - Annabeth has never had one of those, stereotypical girly things. But maybe it could be cool.

It serves as a good distraction - the longer they stay on the temple, the worse it gets. Annabeth feels crawling in her skin and a sucking - a sucking that she remembers coming from the Pit, taking her in like if she was trash.

Hazel feels cold - her skin flickers. Some moments, she can't touch anymore. It's like being dead again - the rustle of the leaves in the trees of the Asphodel Fields ring in her ears as she walks through the marble halls.

For Piper, it's her nightmare vision all over again. It's like she never came out, never took the estrogen. There are mirrors everywhere she looks - there's no escaping the image that she hates the most - Piper, the boy.

It's not that "Piper, the boy" is ugly. He is just not her - that's not her body, that's not her face, that's not her. Her gender dysphoria is rising high in the back of her mind.

They keep going into the temple anyway - it's not easy to find the "chained god". They find instead Mimas - the giant supposed to kill Hephaestus, and, apparently, Ares - now that his stupid brother Damasen is dead.

Annabeth can't connect the dots yet, but the way the giant talks about Damasen helping an enemy - in the end, it all ties up to Perseus. What doesn't, these days? She is just so frustrated about the lack of information - and her new powers of extracting stuff won't work on a giant, she's pretty sure.

The titan is the opposite of Hephaestus - where the man is silent and intelligent, he is brute force and loud voices. He remembers them of Ares - Hazel even notices that he shares features with Mars Ultor.

To fight a god meant to fight intelligence, they must be emotional - Aphrodite would be excellent for this quest. But Hazel herself takes the lead - her magic is not mind-based - while Piper follows her routine of never being where is expected of her.

But none of the three are in their best shape - fear, the mental manipulation, drains more of them than the actual physical effort. Hazel is able to drive her broadsword across the god's shoulder - but the backlash of him shaking her off throws her towards the wall.

Annabeth - the strongest of the two remainings, physically at least - hoist the younger girl over her shoulders and starts to run. Around here, there's a faint grey-ish light - her mother's blessing shining through her skin.

He nearly strikes the vulnerable Annabeth with her extra weight, managing to hit her in the thigh. Piper, however, is quicker - love always is - and stabs him in the calf.

"You think that would hurt me? Silly little thing, just like your mother - I fought against two gods in the last war - you are nothing, little gallus puella!"

Piper doesn't get Latin, but she knows enough to think that's a trans-related insult. This is not her first rodeo - not even in her old boy's body - but it stills fill her with rage she cannot name.

"You should be more worried about how the makhai will castrate you, instead of caring about what's inside my shorts!"

The giant laughs - but there are doubts in his voice. The makhai hasn't been seen in centuries - but it all connects. It's not Ares or his children - it's the spirits of war that the Spartans thought to be pieces of Ares himself.

Piper takes advantage of his distraction and charges at him with her blade, causing the giant to stumble backward into a wall and destabilize the temple.

"You're worst than that godling that was manipulating my weak, useless brothers - that one lost a leg. I wonder how many limbs I can chop off you before offering you to Mother Gaea."

That is enough to incite Annabeth's rage. She puts Hazel carefully on the floor and attacks He barely managed to deflect her attack, and as he reaches out to grab the prone girl in the ground, Piper slices off Mimas' arm and hair off.

While Piper is keeping Mimas occupied, Annabeth released the makhai from the statue of Ares. The makhai follow the girls - they couldn't forget the smell of Aphrodite Areia and Pallas Athena, not even in a thousand years. They swarm Mimas, and as he staggers off-balance, both of them deliver the final blow by stabbing the giant in his gut.

Mimas topples face-first into the nearest doorway and disintegrated into ash when the stone face of Phobos falls onto him.

The god appears only to deliver the final blow, but doesn't help at all. He just laughs at their predicament and leaves them to find their way off this maze of terrors.

It trembles over them. Hazel is still unconscious - there's a trickle of blood running through the side of her face. Something is slowing down Annabeth - she shivers every time they take a step. So it comes to Piper to try and guide them through the falling building.

She is still a boy - and she hates it - but maybe it's just an illusion, and when they get out of here, she'll get her two-year estrogen body back.

Piper guides them out, with the makhai in tow. It doesn't feel like a victory - not when, even though she crossed the border of the hill, she keeps her boy's body.

Climbing back on the ship, she hides herself in her room. She - he, because that's a he body, and a he person, and she is not a he but when she looks in the mirror, he looks back.

Piper works herself into a panic attack alone in her room - and it's actually Annabeth that comes to check on her.

"Tell me five things you can see, Piper"

Annabeth's golden tresses. A blue sweater that is probably Percy's and got mixed in the laundry. One of Leo's screws that are everywhere he goes. A crown of flowers Katie Bell did for her. Malcolm's favorite book sitting at her nightstand.

"Good. Four things you can touch."

A calloused hand beneath hers. The soft jeans Annabeth is using. The cold hardwood floors. The wall against her back.

"You're doing amazing. Now three things you can hear."

The ship's engine rumbling beneath them. Annabeth's voice. Nico's brooding rock music coming from his room.

"Almost done. Two things you can smell."

Annabeth's lavender cologne mixed with the grime and sweat of their taxing day. The salty smell of the ocean.

"One thing you can taste."

Her mouth on Annabeth's. It's Piper who starts it - she is just so overwhelmed by Annabeth's everything, still worked up about the anxiety attack she just had, and they are so close.

The daughter of Athena is surprised and pushes back - she sits side by side with Piper, holding her wrist so she can't flee.

"Piper, I... I didn't mean to pass the... wrong... signs. I don't like girls. And boy body or not, you're still a girl."

It's the best and the worst let down of Piper's life. She nods - she is the daughter of Aphrodite. She should've known better. Annabeth is in love with Perseus - for years now.

"We can still be friends, right?"

Piper nods - Annabeth thinks it's ironic. It's the same interaction she had with Perseus - and she knows that, deep down, being friends is not enough, how much this rejection is just as bad as any other.

But she wants to keep Piper in her life. Is unfair - but there's something guiltily pleasurable about having someone that likes you, to know that you're not undesirable.

It's selfish, but Annabeth never claimed to be altruistic.

Up in the deck, Frank and Jason are receiving news of Reyna. She says she and Malcolm were attacked by Lycaon and his pack - and that Malcolm had a vision about Orion, the giant meant to oppose the twin gods, heading towards the Hunters and the Amazons.

With Apollo and Artemis missing, it comes to them to help. Jason thinks they could try and help if they cross paths, but that they should inform them by IM and go on their way - they have little time to dawdle, even if they're using Malcolm's mother transport company to carry the giant statue.

They are able to rest for the remainder of the day - it's more or less eighteen hours before Reyna sends the next message - they met the hunters and the Amazon in the Lisbon's Harbor and fought Orion, but no god came to give him the final blow.

So Reyna and Hylla had to run - the statue was already shipped off to America, and nymphs were helping them to get to the Long Island Bay within the next two days. Malcolm wasn't so lucky.

Orion smashed Malcolm against a boulder, breaking his arm and a leg. As they fled, Malcolm told them to leave him behind - he would stall the giant for a little while.

With most Amazons and Hunters out of commission or dead, they had no other choice. The last thing Reyna saw was Orion raising Malcolm above his head, and the sickening crunch of it breaking against the sea rocks.

Will is the one on patrol - and the one who has to relay the news to Annabeth. He doesn't want to wake her, but it's her right to know - so he goes and wakes Perseus too, to help deliver the blow.

"Annie, I... We... We have bad news."

Annabeth screams - that was her big brother, almost her father. He taught her how to hold a shield and how to swim - he was her only family left on Camp.

It's unfair. That shouldn't be his battles anymore - he is twenty! She screams and she throws a statue of her mother - and that damned coin - into the wall. Then Annabeth sobs on Perseus' shirt.

"It's her fault Percy, all her fault if she didn't send us in this goose chase if she didn't choose Malcolm..."

Will solves to tell the others in the morning - it's late, and most of them had little to no sleep. He goes back on deck, but there's a storm brewing in the ocean - and it's not a natural one. It's some kind of deity - and that's not a good moment.

He goes to Perseus - he is still awake, asleep Annabeth with tear tracks in her cheeks and scrapped knuckles in his arms, and tells him about the situation - Will is not that good of a fighter.

"I'll deal with it. Stay with her. I'll be back shortly."

Will should be alarmed - with Perseus more recent behavior, the way he always hated the gods' trivial troubles, should he really be sending him upstairs, with an ax, a tiger, and a mad expression into his eyes? Maybe not, but he won't stop it. The deity chooses their own fate - even Will is done with their willful moods, compromising a much more important journey in their own name.

Let whoever it is burn - The son of Apollo covers the sleeping girl's ears softly. She doesn't need this kind of stress now.

The storm stops, but the screams in the deck don't - they are like music to his ears.

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everyhowlmarksthedead · 5 years ago

Text

BUSINESS AND PLEASURE

Johnny “Coco” Cruz x Chibs Telford’ daughter!Reader

“What if you should move to Santo Padre for two months...”

Chapter one.

Word count: 3.4k

Author comments: I hope you all enjoy. English isn’t my first language, so I’m sorry if I have some mistakes with grammar. Gif credits: @angels-reyes.

Thanks to my lovely beta reader and partner in crime with this one, @chibsytelford 💘

Tag list: @starrynite7114 @dazzledamazon @chibsytelford @mara-mpou @sammskellington 💥 (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

Since you've been forced to move from Glasgow to Charming, your life has been a roller coaster with noisy falls into hell. Some days you were fine, the rest you were only available to create chaos around you. Your mother died because of a terminal disease, after fighting for two years, and the last time you saw your father before that it was when you were a child. Came to live with him after twelve years without no contact, except for a few calls every month, it was hard. Harder than he could imagine.

The first days you were locked in the room he enabled to you in his house, where you only had a bed, a nightstand and a wardrobe. No picture, no colors around, nothing. It was kinda depressing. At least, he tried. He tried to re-build the good relationship you two have had in the past, before your mother kicked his ass out of Scotland, when Clay said he needed him at California, with the Sons'.

Filip used to cook your favourite dishes, having had to learn to cook before. At first you only ate two or three bites, until one morning when you woke up hearing him screaming in scottish. You've never heard him so angry, and that scared you. Barefoot and silently, you went out of your room, sticking your head by the door frame of the kitchen. Unbelievable. He was arguing with his phone. Specifically with YouTube. You could see how he was watching a recipe of baked fish. It sounded easy, right? The problem was the sauce. Apparently he forgot to add some ingredients, and he had to repeat it from the start.

“Shit!” He shouted hitting the marble countertop, supporting his fist on it with his head down and a sigh in his mouth. “Fuckin' pepper and fuckin' lemon”.

“I don't like”. You said in a whisper, getting out of your hiding place.

He turned at you frowned and upset, leaning against the furniture. Cross-armed, he shook his head with his gaze on the floor. You knew how frustrated he was, trying to kick you out of that sadness that it was consuming you. You lost your mother, you had to move out of your country, from the cold to the heat. And you truly hated sunny days.

“I just... wanna make you feel like you're at home”. He said kinda desperately, scratching his head hard, completely disheveled. “I know this is not Scotland, nor your house. It's ok if you miss it, but this situation is killing me too. So, please, give me a break...”

You heard every word he told you, feeling the same knot he felt on his chest, and his voice about to drown in tears. You walked slowly towards him, looking inside your head for the correct things to say.

“I like the way you cook, but you scared the shit out of me, 'cause I didn't know you were shouting at YouTube”. You thought maybe some kind of joke could help, while he was holding your hands. “I don't like pepper, nor lemon, so it's fine. Maybe... we could have lunch together, if you're not busy with the club”.

“Fuc' da' club, caileag”. For the first time, you saw him smiling and it was amazing. “Do you think everything will be fine?” He sounded sad, simply sad. But you nodded without any doubt.

“We will be fine, athair”.

That was all he needed to hear. Chibs leaned towards you, placing a hand behind your head to leave a kiss on your forehead. Your hands held on his waist in a warm hug that you were wanting to give him since you arrived to Cali.

━━━━━━ (One year later) ━━━━━━

But what happened next was totally unexpected. You hear Happy talking with his prospect, around the corner of the workshop, about a dangerous mission they have to take care of, keeping them for two months out of Charming. And by Chibs decision, you're not coming. But he didn't tell you anything about it, before. Walking in the front yard, you find six motorbikes and a van you don't recognize from your charter, but belong to an MC. You're angry, so angry. Your steps are heavy and big, going faster to the clubhouse, taking off the rings of your fingers to keep them inside the pocket. You open the door suddenly, without warning the men who seems mexican sitting closer to your father. You only can see that fucking scottish who made a promise he's not gonna keep. And he sees the fury burning in your orbs.

“Oh, shit”. It's everything he can say before one of your fists go straight to his face.

“Woah, woah, take it easy, chamaca!” One of the unknown man talks, trying to walk next to you, until you point it at him with the gun you had tucked under your shirt. All the men raise their hands with their eyes so much opened, letting you know that they're not gonna interfere again.

Time have passed. Some wounds has been closed and you have got used to the heat of the coast. Now, you're not who you used to be. SAMCRO changed you, having its good things and its bad things. You lost all the innocence you had, learning to defend yourself by fighting body-to-body and shooting weapons of different calibers. Happy and Tig usually try to catch you by surprise hitting you, but your faster than their old asses, blocking every hit that comes from nowhere. And sometimes you ‘play’ paintball with Juice on his free day. You're one of the Redwood family, being included in every mission one way or another, working hand by hand with the prospect; with the minimal difference that your father is your sponsor. This gives you two some problems because of the strong character you have inherited from him. And there are some times when you end up being beaten. The crew is used to it.

You turn to your father, who is rubbing his right cheek between some groans, supporting a hand on the pool table. You're breathing distressed with your eyes full of tears. You know how it works. When he leaves Charming, you don't have any notices for almost one week. You live every day with the pain of not knowing if he's still alive or not. Two months is too long. You can't even live without him at this point of your life, how are you supposed to do it?

“You promised me!” You yell at him pointing your chest with your own forefinger. “You said ‘us against the world’! You said it!”

Your voice is breaking, drowned by the tears that run down your face and your neck.

“You're a fucking liar! You're doin' the same you did thirteen years ago!” Yes, you can see how your words are affecting him, but you don't care.

“Baby, listen...” He tries to give some steps towards you, receiving a push on his chest.

“I don' wanna hear more bullshit”. Putting the gun again behind your back, you turn to the front door, with a slight pause next to the other charter. “By the way”. You stare to the man you pointed seconds ago. “Next time I'm talking to my father, you shut the fuck up...” Reading his patch, you raise your eyes at him. “Presidente”.

You slam the door shut after you leave, seeing Happy next to your motorbike. He knows you know what is gonna happen by the tears running your cheeks. But even if you don't wanna talk with him, being your confidant since you came to Charming, he wraps strongly your body with his arms before you can run away from him. Crying inconsolably, you hide your face on his chest without moving your arms, only supporting your weight against him. Happy rest his chin on your head with a sigh, 'cause he knows well how much you suffer when your father attends a mission out of town.

“Are you leaving too?” You finally ask, even when you don't wanna hear the answer. He nods slowly, cleaning your tears with his long fingers.

“I'm sorry. I promise I'll try to write you”. He says hoarsely. “I'm sure you didn't let Chibs explain himself, but listen… Not even my prospect is coming. It's really dangerous for you two, we're gonna be ok, (Y/N)”.

“Who are they? What are they doing here?”

“They're Mayans, from Santo Padre. Oscar and Canche ‘family’. We can't leave you here, alone, without any protection. So, Chibs asked them to take care of you while we're out”.

Now you understand what's happening. It's suppose you should move from Charming to the south Cali, surrounded by men you don't know. Leave your house, again. Your cry appears again, shaking your head with some sobs stuck on your throat.

“Baby, listen, listen”. Happy try to have your attention cupping your face between his hands. “They're good men, they're gonna take care of you. And Canche will go to Santo Padre every week to see you”.

“I don' wanna go, Happy. I wanna go with you, please”. You beg in tears, with your lips trembling.

“(Y/N), you can't”. He sentences, trying not to sound too rude. He snort closing his eyes for a second. “Listen, they also have a car scrapping. You can work there. You like cars and you studied to be mechanic. 'Am sure these two months gonna' pass so fast that you're not gonna notice it”.

The front door of the club house gets opened. You turn for a while, just to see how the men gets out of it. You sigh, looking at Happy again. And you nod, even when you don't want to do it. Pulling yourself away from him, you're heading towards your motorcycle. In silence, after fastening the helmet, you start the engine. If you have to leave Charming you wanna do it as soon as possible. So, it's time to pack your stuff.

And that is what you're doing, when you hear your father's keys opening the door. His footsteps coming close to you, watching sideways how he leans against the door frame arm-crossed. Your basic clothes are already inside the suitcase on the bed, closing the zip after checking again that you have taken everything you could need. In the bag next to it, you keep your laptop, your headphones and all the chargers, in addition to other things.

“Please, talk to me”. Chibs says, but there's no answer from you. “I didn't know how to tell you, and I'm sorry, honey. But I promise...”

“Don't”. You turn at him raising your forefinger. “Don't make any promise you're not gonna keep, Filip”.

He knows you're truly sad when you call him by his real name. Chibs walks towards you, holding your hands slowly hoping that you're not gonna push him away again.

“Bishop and his guys 'gonna take care of you. And Happy said he told you about ‘Romero and Brothers’. I'm pretty sure you're gonna have fun there”. He's trying to make you understand.

“I don' care. I'm gonna be away from you”. You finally say, letting go all the pain you have inside your chest, oppressing your heart. “And you're not allowed to text me, nor call me. Could you imagine how distressing it feels?”

“'You think it isn't for me? I'm not stone cold, even if sometimes it's what it looks like, (Y/N). I think about you all the time. About what you're doing at any moment. If you're eating well, if you're sleeping... All the fucking time”. He replies trying to hide his anger. “But I need to protect you. And there aren't better hands than Bishop's”.

You nod. You don't want to continue arguing with him. Filip hugs you tightly, hiding your face on his neck, trying to not break in cry again. Your hands clinging on the back of his shirt. You're not sure how many time you have been like this, when your father decides that he should call the Mayans to pick you up.

The roars of motorcycles, coming just in time, have your attention. You take your stuff, rolling the suitcase over the floor till you find them outside. Your father takes it to keep it inside the van, before saying goodbye.

“They're gonna take care of you, ok?” He says again, holding your cheeks between his hands. You nod in silence about to cry. Leaving a kiss in your forehead, he hugs you. “If I can, I will text you. I promise. And I'll keep that one”.

“Two months?” You ask raising your gaze at him.

“I'll be back before your birthday”. Assures you. “I love ya' more than anything. You know, rai'?”

You nod again swallowing, before leaving one last caresses in your left cheek, cleaning the tear that falls down through it.

“You're going with my man, Coco”. Bishop talks, with the helmet covering his head while he wears both leather gloves.

“And my bike?” You turn to your father with more dramatism than necessary.

“It's in the van too, don' worry”. Chibs answers, hitting twice one of the doors. “Canche could need you”.

“Or us”. The Mayans president add with a soft smile on his lips.

Things starts to change, when you're conscious that you will continue working with the charters even if yours isn't present. So, at least, it's not gonna be that bad as you thought.

“I'm sorry 'I pointed you with my gun”.

“What I can expect from Chibs' daughter? It would have scared me more if you hadn't, after everything we've heard from you”. Your father chuckles because of the words of the Mayan. “Ready?”

You hug him again, taking some seconds to memorize his smell to not forget it at all.

“I love you”. You whisper, pulling him away softly, before walk to the front passenger seat of the van.

But, before the man could start the car, your father makes a last appearance, pointing with the forefinger to all the men presents there.

“If anyone of you touch my daughter, I'll cut off your cock and make you eat it”. The Mayans know that it's not a joke, so they nod agreeing.

“I've a daughter. Her name is Letti”. The mexican accent, camouflaged in the foreign language, pushes you out of your thoughts. “She's sixteen, but I think you could be fren'”.

━━━━━━ ﹅ ━━━━━━

The sun is falling when you leave the ‘Welcome to Charming’ sign behind the van. You sigh heavily settling in your seat. The fresh air that enters by the open window makes fly some strands of your hair, supporting both arms against the door, with your chin on it, to watch out of the car the sunset on the horizon. It's gonna be hard, you know it, but at least you will have Canche visiting you every week. Maybe Oscar comes from Stockton too.

“Yea', maybe...” You say, turning for a second.

Coco turns the radio, hoping that music makes you feel better, looking for a channel without interferences. Then, you hear your favourite song, turning to the hand that is moving the calibrator. The man stares at you with curiosity, before turning up the volume. The melody continues, while you go back to your position leaving your cheek this time and closing your eyes to focus in the song.

“Hey, oh, listen what I say, oh! I got your hey, oh! Now listen what I say, oh!”

You're about to give him the silent treatment, but that only has bad points in your favor. You'll have to live and work together for the next months, so sooner or later, you're gonna have to talk him.

The first time you listened that song, you were living with your parents in Glasgow. You can remember your father singing it to you all the time, before go to Charming. So, listen to it again causes you bittersweet feelings.

“I like the Red Hot' too”. Coco says trying to be kind, while his fingers drum the steering wheel to the beat of the music. You have to say that he has a funny voice and hearing him singing sounds like a dying cat. That makes you chuckle. “Hey! What's up, mami? Don' laugh on me!”

“Sweet Jesus Christ, you're gonna make it rain”. Your laughter is loud now, capturing president attention who slows down to reach your window.

“It's everything ok, uh?” He shouts over the sound his motorbikes does.

“I hope he has a good aim, 'cause he couldn't work as singer!” You say in laughs.

“He's a veteran Marine, kid! What do you think?” Bishop accelerates to return to his place, while you turn to the driver, truly surprised. He has a triumphal smile on his face and his gaze in front.

“These motherfuckers discharged me because I used a rifle to shoot a cigar out of an officer's mouth”. He tells you. “I was three hundred meters from him”.

This is amazing and you feel the curiosity growing inside you. Curling your legs on the seat, putting around them your arms, you stare at the Mayan.

“Can you tell me about it?”

“'Bout wha'?” He asks looking at you for a second a little confused.

“About the Marine”.

He frowns, looking at you again.

“You wanna hear 'bout it?”

“I'm not asking you about the Area Fifty One”. You say with a sharp voice shrugging.

“I'm pretty sure that would be a good talk too”.

“C'mon! It's a long travel!” It almost seems like you're starting to beg, but the topic of the Navy and Marine has always interested you.

“It's weird!”

“Why?”

“Cuz' nobody has asked me 'bout it before”. He says with the same confusion you saw on him before.

“So bad is it...?”

“No, it's... cool. Pretty cool”. He replies with a slight smile on his face.

“I wanted to enlist in the British Army, but my mother said it was too dangerous for me. So, I didn't”. Your voice trembles for a second, and he realizes it.

“Sorre' 'bout your mom, Chibs told us”. He says after a moment in silent. “I killed mine”.

Your face shows a similar gesture of horror, he shrugs exaggeratedly.

“That bitch hit my daughter, and hurt her so bad. She also forced her to have a ‘bad life’, 'you know what I mean. She deserved it”. The calm with which he explains overwhelms you.

You're starting to think he hasn't had a good life. But who in their right mind would work for an MC? Not you, neither does he.

“And your mother hate you so bad that she called you ‘Coconut’?” You try to finish the tension installed inside the van with somewhat bad joke.

“The fuck told you that's my name?” He breaks in laughter, shaking his head, accidentally giving a flywheel.

“Oh, shit”. Both say in unison. The charter looks back.

“My bad!” He shouts sticking his head out the window for a moment.

“Then? What's your name?”

“Johnny Cruz. And everyone calls me Coco”.

“Why?”

“We're not in that level yet, mami”. He imitates the sharp voice you used before.

“Ok, but, are you gonna tell me about the Marine?”

He sighs rolling his eyes, before showing you again his smile. So, there you are, lying on your seat stretching legs crossed on the dashboard of the van. He starts to talk, of course with the funny story of how he enlisted and all the chaos he created, compensating for it with his good aim. His voice is so calm, that if you close your eyes, you could think is one of those podcast people use to sleep; without the part of shooting, murdering, and all the bloody stuff.

Actually, you did. You closed your eyes, opening it when the night has fallen. You yawn, putting your legs on the floor of the van.

“Sorry, I didn't sleep last night”. You apologize with flushed cheeks, rubbing your eyes.

“It's ok, mami. Te ves bonita mientras duermes”. (You look pretty while you're sleeping). He says.

“What did you say?” You ask, pretending that you don't speak spanish, but the truth is that you studied it for three years while you were living in Scotland.

“That you were drooling everything”. He lies so bad that he's a little nervous. “We're almost reaching to Santo Padre”.

“Great... Home, sweet home, isn'it?”

#mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #johnny coco cruz x reader #coco cruz x reader #here we go coconut

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wayward-mikaelson · 5 years ago

Text

"This just gives me the creeps," I say setting down a ceramic figurine. It looked like it was a combination of a clown, a fairy, and an angel. It was super creepy. I go back to walking the house the boys and I were scoping out. "You guys got anything?" I ask getting back into the living room.

"Nothing but some creepy ass ceramic figurines," Deans yells from another part of the house. "Are we even sure this is a spirit?"

Sams voice came from the garage. "It's a spirit alright." I turned to see Sam holding something that had disgusting black ooze on it. "Ectoplasm."

I make a face. "Awe shit," I say. "I hate really pissed off spirits." I holster my gun and sit down on the wooden rocking chair. "What spirit would be so pissed off to attack a nice little old lady?" I ask.

"Any spirit," Dean says coming into the living room. "Most likely they knew each other at one point if the spirit is that pissed off." Dean holsters his gun and looks at me with a small smile. I can feel every hair on my neck stand up. Dean knew what he was doing to me and he loved to do it.

I realize that I was holding my breath and quickly stood up to only loose my balance and fall right in the direction of Dean Winchester. Dean caught me with that same smiled. "Thanks," I say pushing away from him. I turned to towards the door and saw Sams face. He knew I liked his brother and he knew that Dean liked to tease me. "Shut up." I say making my way to the door. "Lets just go back to the motel and get some research done. The faster we get this done the quicker we can go back home."

The boys agreed and followed me out to the impala. The drive back to the motel wasn't that long but Dean wanted to stop for food. Very typical of him. Dean could eat a whole cow and later want to another whole cow. When we arrived back at the motel, we all set to work on research on deaths in the city, county, and in that neighborhood. We also looked into the history of the house. Nothing. That was until I came across something that was fishy.

"Guys," I pick up my laptop and shoved in front of the boys. "Did you guys know that she was widowed about forty years ago. Her husband was killed when someone broke into their home. The case went cold. It says here that she didn't seem to shaken up about his death as she had claimed multiple times that he was abusing her. But no proof that he was. Even family and an exgirlfriend said that he would never do such a thing. Four months later she remarried his best friend. He died a few months ago of a heart attack which she was broken up over."

Dean and Sam look it over. "Does seem fishy," Sam says. "Maybe the dead husband is stuck to the woman and his punishing her." Dean shook his head as he silenced his phone for the millionth time.

"Or maybe the wife had an affair with the best friend and because during that time period divorce or leaving a spouse was frowned upon, she took it out on him and had the best friend kill him." Deans phone rang again and he silenced it again. Sam was thinking about the other possibility that the wife and best friend killed the possible ghost.

"Who the heck is calling you over and over again?" I ask.

"I don't know. The number looks familiar but it can wait until the case is over." Dean says getting up and getting a drink. "We go the house tonight and wait for the ghost to show up and talk with him. See where he's buried and salt and burn him." Deans phone rang again. I grabbed the phone before Dean could silence it again.

"Hello?" I answer the phone. "Dean Winchesters phone. Who am I speaking to?" Before I could get a name Dean took the phone from me.

"I'm sorry about that," Dean says. I could help but hear a female voice on the other end. Deans face turned white and he fell back into his seat. "Lisa?"

"Who's Lisa?" I ask turning to Sam whose face had surprise written all over it.

"An old flame," Sam says making eye contact with me. "We had Cas erase hers and her sons memories of Dean after a a demon kidnapped them and it went south. Lisa almost died."

I looked back at dean who had made his way out of the motel room. I followed him. "Lisa, calm down," Dean says. "I did what I did to protect you and Ben. It killed me to do that." Dean was quite for a bit then he spoke. "Okay, where do you want to meet? I can be there tomorrow. Then you can tell me how you remember." Dean turns around and sees me standing there. His face looked so pained. Like he was reliving the past. "Okay, wow thats close. I'll be there." he says and hangs up the phone.

"Are you okay?" I ask as Dean walks passed me.

"I'll be fine. I just need to meet Lisa. She why she remembers everything." Dean walks into the motel and I follow him in. We see Sam packing a bag.

"I found her dead husband, The one that was murdered." Sam puts a few rounds of rock salt into the bag.

"Okay well, I'm going to meet Lisa in Saint Louis. Its a few hours from here." Dean began to throw together a bag. "If anything happens call me and I will be there."

I grabbed a bag too and began to fill it. "I'm going with you. Just to make sure you dont do anything stupid." Both the boys stopped and looked at me. "You wont be able to talk me out of it."

Dean closed his eyes and sighed. He knew that I was right and the look on his face looked like relief? Maybe? Who knew. I needed to know if this Lisa person was actually human or something that needs to die. I looked to Sam who saw my face and nodded. He understood why I was going.

"You guys go," Sam says slinging the bag over his shoulder. "I'll get a rental. If I need you guys, I'll call you." As sam walks passed you he leans in to whisper, "Make sure you bring him back. Do whatever you need to."

*******************************************

The drive to Saint Louis was super quiet. Dean of course has his music on but it was tense in the car. Dean still looked pained over all of it. I asked him he wanted to talk about it but he said no. So we just sat and drove. For four hours. Only stopping for food and the bathroom. I texted Sam a couple of times to tell him that Dean wasn't talking and asked about his time with Lisa. Sam just told me that Dean had spent over a year with them and that erasing their memories tore him apart. He never really spoke about it. I look at Dean and begin to feel super sorry for him.

"I know youre talking about me to Sam," Dean says pulling into a restaurant. A fancy one. This Lisa person was really trying to get him back, I thought. Even Deans face knew he would be out of place here.

"It's not too late to run," I lean over to Dean.

With that, Dean and I got out and walked into the restaurant. Even the severs dressed super nice. "Not to late," I whisper. Dean fakes laughs but I could tell that he was nervous and wasn't entirely sure about all of this.

"Dean?" a voice from behind makes the both of us turn around.

There stood a beautiful woman. Long brown hair and dark eyes. How did Dean ever land a woman like that? I ask myself. I could not compare to that beauty that was radiating off her. I look at Dean who was just staring at her. Lisa notices me and instantly I see something change in her eyes. Was it jealously?

"Lisa," Dean eventually chokes out. "You look amazing."

Lisa smiles a smile so big that I see one reason why Dean loved her. "Thank you, who's your friend?" She asks gesturing to me. I notice her manicured nails and look at my bitten and brittle nails. Still can't compete with her.

Dean is shocked back into reality. He turns to me and touches my shoulder. I look at him and see that he is looking me up and down with a smile on his face. I instantly blush and look at Lisa who clearly seeing the whole thing. Her eyes hardened. "This is YN," Dean says noticing Lisa's face. He slowly drop his hands.

"It's nice to meet you," Lisa says. "Will you be joining us?" She then asks. The tone is hardened too. I could tell that Dean heard it too.

"Well, sort of," I say smiling. "I'll be at the bar." I begin to slip away when Deans hand grabs my arm.

"Nope, you are sitting with us," Dean begins to pull me towards the waitress who had been waiting to sit us. In a low voice Dean whispered in my ear, "I need you by me for support."

Once we were seated and menus handed out. Dean, who is sitting next you, looks over the menu and then leans forward. "So," he says licking his lips. I notice Dean has a hard time looking at her in the eyes. "How's you get your memories back?" Whoa! To the point. Maybe Dean wouldn't go back to Lisa and her kid.

"Can't we order and eat and catch up first?" Lisa asks laughing nervously. "I mean, we have so much to talk about."

I look at Dean who is staring at the table. "Lis," he says. "There really isn't nothing to catch up on. I had yours and Bens memories of me and the life I live taken away from you. To protect you after you almost got killed. To protect Ben from ever having to go into this life. Just tell me how you got your memories back."

Lisa sits back and waves the waiter on the moment he arrives at the table. I make a small face because one, I need a strong drink for this and two, I was hungry and wanted a fat and juicy steak. "I guess you haven't changed much," she says. I rose an eyebrow and stare at Lisa.

"Whoa there," I say putting my hand on the table. "You don't know Dean at all. At least not anymore, so don't make comments like that because that makes you look like a bitch." Lisas eyes widened and I notice from the corner of my eyes Dean is looking at me. He doesn't cut in because he knows that once I start speaking like this, I won't stop until the thought is done. "I have been with the boys for two years. Deans past kills him. He has nightmare after nightmare some nights. He may be a dick at times but he has changed. So excuse him for wanting to know how you got your pathetic memories back. Now if excuse me, I need to splash my face with water or this water will end up in yours." I get up and let Dean know what to order me when the waiter got back.

Once I was in the bathroom I pull out my phone and call Sam. As the phone rings I sit on floor of the bathroom stall. I have no idea where all that came from. What Lisa said to Dean, set off a spark in me. I didn't appreciate how she spoke to him.

"Hey," Sam answered. "Hows it going with Lisa?" He asks.

"Lisa is a bitch," I say. "But thats not what I called you about. Hows the hunt? Did you finish it?" I needed a distraction for a bit or I was going to go out and say more things that I might regret.

"Yeah," Sam says. "I was able to talk to the murdered husband and he said that it was the best friend who killed him. While I was talking to him, I got a phone call saying that the wife died of a heart attack. The spirit was then salted and burned."

"Thats great," I say picking at a loose strand from my shirt. "I'm glad it went well and that the spirit was willing to listen."

"Now tell me why Lisa is a bitch," Sam wasn't going to let me off that easy.

"Let's just say, she looks at me like I'm a threat and tells Dean that he never changed." I rip the strand off and let it fall to the floor.

"Ah," Sam says.

"Yeah, anyway, I need to go before Deans thinks I ditched him." I hang up the phone and splash my face with water. I walk back to the table to see Dean getting up.

"We should get going," Dean says pulling out his wallet.

"Dean," Lisa stands up and blocks me from walking by. "It's never too late. We can still have what we had. I can live that life. Ben can have a father figure in his life."

Dean looks up and makes eye contact with me. I can tell that he already made his decision. "Lis," he says. "You can't. It almost killed you last time. Now stay here, buy whatever food you want and enjoy a nice dinner on me." Dean threw two 50s on the table. "Let's go," he says to me.

I squeeze passed Lisa and get a good look at her face. She is watching Dean as he walks away. She catches me watching and she looks away. I see a small tear fall down her face. What the hell happened while I was gone?

Back on the road, I waited an hour to talk to Dean. "What happened back there?" I ask. "Did you get the answers you wanted?"

Deans hands tightens on the wheel and pulls off to the side of road and put the impala in park. "Yeah." he stares ahead of him. "She started having these dreams about me. Went to an actual psychic who pulled her memories back. But not Bens. She said she wouldn't do that unless I got back with her." Dean looks at me and I watch as he grabs my hand in his. "I told her it was impossible. I told her I didn't feel that way about her anymore and had feelings for some else."

I felt my heart skip a beat. I knew he was talking about me. I used my free hand to grab his shirt collar and pull him to my lips.

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the-fangirl-way · 5 years ago

Text

2: Ink

I looked up Harry's file, I had looked at it before on the FBI page, but it was the standard documents, medical history, school records, and his background.

I pulled out the access code Mr. Callahan had given me and typed it into the systems network, instantly at least thirty more documents on Harry came up, these were the very private documents that only officials such as Mr. Callahan and the higher ranked officers were allowed access to.

The newest up to date picture of Harry had been his mugshot from six months ago, back when his skin wasn't so pale it was almost gray, or when his cheeks weren't so sunken in from malnourishment. His hair was tamed, still long, but not as long as it was now.

Harry had been an attractive guy at one point, although I would never admit that to anyone.

Reports of Harry's recent run in with the law came up and I wasn't shocked to find out he had ties with several drug busts and had been caught using more than once. It was minor charges of marijuana, nothing heavier than THC.

The next few files were smaller accusations, a DUI, and a claim of property damage, the dated year was Harry's senior year of high school, no doubt a stupid high school prank.

Nothing really seemed to stand out, but I jotted down the small accounts in the file.

The next couple of pages were more or less just added information, court dates, tickets, so on and so forth.

It wasn't until about the fifth page I found the one document that could be my potential next lead.

Mr. Samuel Tracey, the owner of the handgun found in Harry's car that night.

It looked like I was going to have to pay Mr. Tracey a visit.

Samuel Tracey lived six blocks from my apartment, he wasn't hard to find.

I knocked on his door and waited patiently, I could hear shuffling from the other side. Finally a gruff voice hollered "Who is it?"

"Detective DeLaney. I'm looking for a Samuel Tracey." I said holding up my badge to the peephole, the deadbolt clicked and the door cracked open before an old man with a beard submerged from behind it.

He was wearing glasses and a sweater vest, those were the first things I noticed about Mr. Tracey.

"What do you want?"

"Mr. Tracey, have you ever seen this man?" I asked holding up a picture of Harry from the folder in my hands.

Tracey studied the picture for a second before nodding slightly.

"I've seen him. Why? What has he done?"

I looked around, his house was located on a busy street, cars and people passing by.

"It's kind of a personal matter, mind if I come inside?" I asked and he paused before slowly moving out of the doorway allowing me to step inside.

His home was warm, and smelled old.

"Have a seat." Tracey grumbled before taking a seat himself on the recliner across from the couch.

"So what's he done?"

"Well, Mr. Tracey-"

"Call me Sam." He corrected.

"He was found about six months ago with a handgun in his car, this particular handgun belonged to you." I said and he sighed a long exasperated sigh.

"Damn kids." He mumbled under his breath.

"Excuse me?" I asked and he rubbed his hands together sitting forward.

"Harry and my boy were friends, Douglas," He said gesturing to a picture of a young man about Harry's age hanging on the wall.

"Douglas was killed about two months ago in a drug heist." Tracey said clearing his throat and I instantly felt sympathy for him.

"I'm so sorry."

"No, he was always getting into trouble, hell from the time he was in elementary school I was getting calls for his behavior, I didn't expect much more out of him as he got older." He explained, I noticed then the bottle of scotch and glass sitting on the coffee table. Mr. Tracey poured himself a glass before offering me some which I declined.

"My wife Laura," He continued, "died giving birth, leaving me to raise Douglas. I tried my best by him, worked three jobs to give him the best life I could give him, but he took it for granted." He said taking a sip of his drink.

"Mr. Tra- Sam," I corrected, "You said Harry and your son were friends?" I asked and he nodded.

"Harry and Douglas went to school together, and they were friends all the way up until about six months ago when Harry disappeared. They would hang out after school and once they graduated my son and Harry would hang out almost every other day or so, no doubt both doing things they shouldn't do, which leads me to ask again, what did Harry do?"

I sighed and opened the folder containing Harry's file.

"About six months ago the police found Harry's car outside of a Mr. Wesley Langston's home, he had been waiting there for about four hours for Mr. Langston to return home, and he had your handgun in the car with him. He also had some rope, sheets, duct tape, other various items, so the intent was clear what he was planning on doing." I said and Mr. Tracey's features changed to surprised by the news.

"Harry?" He asked and I nodded.

"Harry was such a good kid, I mean, he got into trouble like Douglas but Harry would never try to kill anyone.."

"I would like to think so too Mr. Tracey, but as of right now Harry is still pledging guilty until proven otherwise." I said and Tracey sighed.

"I don't know anything about the gun. I realized it was missing about two weeks ago when I was going through my things trying to find something to sell to pay my rent," he said taking another sip, "since Douglas passed I've let myself slip, I lost all three of my jobs, of course, the government takes no pity on people like me. So I decided to try and sale some of my things to get money to get back on my feet until I could find a job, I didn't even know the gun was gone until then." He explained and I nodded sympathizing.

"Well, the gun will stay with the police for evidence until the trial is over and decided, if you want it back-"

"I don't want it back." Tracey said cutting me off.

"Tell them to keep it, I'll even sign my name over to them, I just, I don't want it back. I'm old," He started, "I'm old and I'm at the point now, my wife is gone, my son is gone, if someone breaks into my house with the intent to kill me, well, I'll be ready." His eyes were misty and I swallowed a lump, such a sad thing when someone doesn't value their life anymore after all the trials and tribulations they had been through.

"I understand." I said finally, gathering my things to leave.

"I'll let the police department know that you want to sign the title over to them, I'm sure someone will contact you within the next week or so to do it."

Tracey nodded and then he too stood up.

"I'm sorry I wasn't more help." He said and I shook my head.

"No, you were a good help, I can mark this off my list." I said and he smiled a small smile then offered to walk me out.

"Thank you for your time Mr. er, Sam." I corrected.

"You're quite welcome Ms. DeLaney."

I headed to my car, it had started to rain, shocker.

My phone began to ring and it was Lennon.

"Hello?"

"Good morning." He said from the other end and I could practically hear his flirty smirk.

"Are you off today?" I asked.

"I am, I was actually wondering if you wanted to get some lunch?" He asked and I wanted to say yes, but I knew I had far too much research to do.

"I would love to, but Callahan has me on Harry search all weekend."

"Oh, I understand." He said sighing.

There was a silence.

"So I'm guessing our dinner plans are off for tonight then?"

I felt my heart sink, I had forgotten about our date.

"Tristan I-"

"No really, it's fine." He said sincerely although I knew he was really disappointed.

I thought about it for a minute.

"You know what? How does takeout sound? My place tonight? Maybe you can help me with my research." I said and I heard him chuckle.

"Sounds great. Seven?"

"Seven." I agreed before hanging up.

I drove to the library, it was always quiet there and I figured I could get some more research done.

The wind whipped around me creating goosebumps on my arms and legs, I was glad I had chosen to wear slacks today.

As I stepped through the library door, the warmth welcomed me, I always silently adored libraries, the smell of books and the serene calm of the silence of those going into parallel universes created in their minds by the turning of each page.

The librarian, Doris, knew me well, she lived in our building for while after Devlin and I moved in and I had come to this library many times in the past to do research on cases. She smiled fondly at me as I walked over the help desk.

"Detective DeLaney nice to see you."

"Doris, I told you, call me Avery." I said smiling and she laughed.

"I'll try to remember that."

I smiled at at her and headed over to the table I usually sat at, pulling out my laptop and connecting it to the internet.

The next four hours I spent looking up every single detail I could get about Harry, his mother Anne, his sister Gemma, his father Desmond, all of the people in his life. There was nothing out of the ordinary, which only infuriated me more that I wasn't getting anything.

My cell phone buzzed in my pocket and I stepped outside to take the call, it was Devlin.

"Hey Ave, I'm on lunch wanna grab something?" She asked and I thought about declining but the growl in my stomach told me otherwise.

"Where?"

I met Devlin at Wahaca, a Mexican restaurant, she was sitting in a corner booth clad in her scrubs, today was Minnie Mouse.

"I ordered you a tequila sunrise." She said smirking and I rolled my eyes.

"It's midday."

"And? You walked here didn't you?"

I started to protest but the waitress reappeared with a large glass of orange and red liquid, an umbrella and orange wedge sat on top.

"Thank you."

She took our order before disappearing again.

"So, any news on Styles?" She asked dipping a chip in salsa.

"No, and the only lead I got turned out to not really be a lead at all. Turns out the gun that was on him belonged to a friend of his father, his son, Harry's friend, was killed a couple of months ago and he doesn't want the gun back." I said and she looked sympathetic.

"How sad."

"Tell me about it."

"So what now?" She asked and I shrugged tugging on my hair.

"I have no idea Dev, Callahan wants all this information on Styles by Monday and I have nothing."

"What about the other guy? Langston right?"

"I haven't done a lot of research on him yet, but the police already talked to him and said he cleared." I said and she nodded.

"You should still do some research just in case they missed something."

"You're right." I agreed and the food arrived.

We ate and talked some more about the case and her job.

"I'm telling you, if he asks again I'm tempted to do it." She said and I laughed.

"I think you should, he's good looking, smart, he's obviously got money.."

"Yeah, yeah." She said waving her hand.

"What about you and Officer sexy?" She asked talking about Lennon, I could feel my cheeks reddening.

"He's actually coming over tonight."

Her eyebrows lifted and she smirked.

"Oh really? Should I occupy myself with something tonight and leave you two...?"

"No, it's not like that." I said rolling my eyes, "He's just coming to help me with the case."

"Mmhmm, I hope you shaved your legs."

I rolled my eyes but could feel my cheeks blazing again.

"I mean it's not like you haven't-"

I blushed even harder and avoided her gaze.

"Oh my God, you haven't slept with him yet? Seriously?"

"Shut up." I said and she burst into a fit of giggles.

"Ave! Get on it! I mean literally get on it. "

"Shut up!"

"I'm just saying!" She said throwing her hands up and then checking her watch.

"Shit, I have to get back to work."

I nodded and slid out of the booth behind her, laying a tip on the table as we walked out.

"I'll see you at home." I said and she shook her head.

"Oh no, I'm not coming home until late, I'll leave you and Officer Hot Pants to it."

I smacked her on the arm and she laughed again before hugging me and departing in the opposite direction to her car.

The walk back to the library was short, but I was freezing by the time I got there.

My muscles were stiff from sitting so long and when I checked the time I jumped in panic to realize that it was going on five thirty.

I put my laptop back in my bag and my things before waving goodbye to Doris and leaving the library.

The air outside had dropped measurably and I shivered getting into my car putting the heat on full blast.

When I got to the apartment I took a quick shower, shaving my legs I felt the heat return to my cheeks, Devlin could be right.

I was in the kitchen when I heard the doorbell buzz and I headed to the speaker.

Come on up." I said and within a few minutes I heard a light tap on the door.

I opened the door, expecting to see Tristan on the other side, but who was there instead had my heart pounding, my head swimming, and the feeling of vomit creeping up my windpipe.

He was leaning up against the door frame, his arms crossed, clad in a white tee shirt and a pair of black jeans; his inky tattoos snaked up his arms and across his torso visible through his thin tee shirt. His hair was now tamed and swirled in waves around his face, a smirk placed on his full lips, his green eyes burning dangerously into mine.

"Hello Avery." Greeted Harry.

#harry styles #harrystylessmut #harrystyles #harry styles au #harry styles smut #harry styles fanfic #harry smut #harry #solo harry #harry styles fanfiction

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lorliejanegarrovillo · 5 years ago

Text

MEMORIES

It was 7 o'clock in the evening and here I am sitting on a couch, sipping a cup of coffee while facing my laptop. I'm on a coffee shop. I brought my laptop because i needed to search my assignments on the internet and this shop happened to have a strong wifi connection.

I sighed when i finally finished my homework. I leaned on the couch. "Finish," said I.

I roamed my eyes around the coffee shop and a guy caught my attention.

He was reading a book while a cup of coffee were on his hands. His eyes were reddish and teary. His lips were pale. He yawned many times but still, his eyes were fixed on the book that he was reading. He placed his coffee on the table and pinched himself.

He lazily brushed his hair with his hands and suddenly he looked at my direction. His reddish eyes met mine and with that, i quickly looked away and pretended that i was doing something on my laptop.

Why did I stare at him anyway?

"Excuse me," somebody said. I looked at the one who spoke. It was him, the guy from the other table.

"Yes?" i said, looking at him. Did he get the wrong idea?

"C-Can I borrow some penny?" he asked, looking away. He looked shy.

I raised a brow when i heard his question. Why would i give some money to a stranger?

"Pardon?" I asked calmly.

"I-I have no money left on my pocket. I n-need to buy a coffee again. ." he replied.

"And is that my problem?"

"N-no. Sorry for that," he said and quickly went to his seat.

I stared at him again. He was pinching and slapping himself. He shook his head, trying to avoid being drowsy.

He is sleepy, is'nt he? But why is he still reading a book? That would make him more sleepy for i believe that books are really boring.

We happened to be the only ones on the coffee shop, except the employees.

"No, no, no. Stay awake, Joshua. You need to stay awake," he whispered and slapped himself again. I read his mouth and i heard him enough.

He looked like he was about to faint but he recovered himself quickly. His eyes met mine again but this time, it looked like he was pleading me for something.

"P-Please help m-me," he whispered but still enough to be heard by me. "I c-can't f-fight it anymore. ." he said, staring at me.

My heart began to beat fast for unknown reason. I stood up and went to his table.

"Are you alright?" I asked. "Your eyes are red and you look so drowsy."

"I s-should always stay awake," he answered. "I d-did not sleep for a w-week already," he added.

"What?" I unbelievably asked. "W-Why?"

He pinched himself again and tried not to close his eyes.

"P-Please keep my m-memories, h-help me remember them o-once i wake up," he said. His head slowly fell on the table and his eyes were closing.

"H-Hey, wake up! I don't even know you. Memories what? What do you mean—" I did not manage to finish my words when my eyes accidentally glanced at the book that he was reading earlier.

"Memories" i read.

I took the book and read it again. So he meant this book? is this his memories?

I curiously opened the book and looked at the first page.

"This book serves as the storyteller of my life. Once i lose this, my memories will vanish with it together and be gone forever.

If lost, please return to me.

- Joshua"

I was surprised of what i've read. He placed his pictures and his biodata on the first page and signed it. Is this true? Is he telling the truth or am i just taking it seriously?

I tried waking him up but I failed. He was sleeping like a corpse. A pale lips and skin. It really seems that he did not sleep for how many days.

I sighed because of frustration. What am i going to do now? If i leave him here, my guilt will probably kill me.

I decided to take him with me. Just this once. Just until he wake up.

It's been three days and he is still on my bed. He did not wake up for three days but he is breathing. I was about to take him to the hospital but his book says if he fell asleep, just let it be and wait for him to wake up.

Yes, i spent my time reading the content of his book eventhough just holding it makes me cringe.

I've learned that it is not actually a book. It's more likely a diary that tells me the story about him and his life.

I also figured out what his situation is. It saddened me and pushed me to help him.

He loses his memories everytime he wakes up.

His parents were divorced and he chose to be on his mother's care. But unfortunately, his mother died when he was thirteen. His father had another family. He has nowhere to go but luckily, his grandparents were able to raise him until he graduated senior highschool. But because of age, his grandparents died and since then, he lived on his own expenses.

He attends school every morning and works everynight. And eventually, he developed his disease at a young age maybe because of too much stress and pressure.

"W-Where am I?"

I quickly looked at the guy on my bed. Good thing, he woke up.

"How's sleep?" I asked.

"Who are you? Where am I?" he asked, looking at me with a big question mark on his face.

"I'm Shan and you are Joshua. You're in my condo," I answered. "You've slept for three days, aren't you hungry?" I said and went to the kitchen.

I brought him foods from the refrigerator. "Eat first. You can trust me. You were the one who begged me to help you, so eat and i'll explain later."

I seated on the sofa and looked at him. Confusion is obviously plastered on his face but he decided to follow what i said. He ate.

"I can't remember anything. Ugh," he said as he held his head. "What's wrong with my memory?" he whispered to himself.

"Don't force yourself. That's why i'm here by the way," i said. "Listen to me," He looked at my eyes as if he is waiting for me to continue. "You fell asleep and you lost your memory again." I handed him the book.

"This belongs to you." He accepted and opened it. "You entrusted that to me since you asked me for help. Read it and you will be able to recall your memories. And by then, you can leave."

"What's this?" he asked.

"Your diary," i answered.

He then started reading it. I excused myself for him to focus and left for a walk.

Months has passed.

"Shan, what day is today?" Joshua asked. I glanced on my watch and looked at him.

"It's Monday. October 14, 2019" i answered completely, for i know he's gonna write what happened today on his diary.

It's been four months since we've met at the coffee shop. When he woke up that moment, it took him one day to finish his diary and he could'nt restrain himself from feeling drowsy again. So i played a very loud rock music while he was reading. He said it was disturbing but i know it helped a lot.

He keeps on reading and getting back his memories but he will feel drowsy and end up falling asleep again eventually. And that cycle repeats.

His illness is rare and has no cure. I got him checked up but the doctor said that there's no cure for it unless he will take some drugs that can make him stay awake. And with that, he refused.

Of course, he stopped schooling temporarily because of his situation. I also stopped him from working every night because that would make him feel tired and drowsy.

His situation is so hard that I cannot help but to guide and remind him. And because of that, i decided to tell him that i will take care of him. I told him he can live with me.

Well, since we're living on the same roof, we couldn't prevent having infatuation with each other. Yes, I like him a lot and it deepens as days goes by.

We're already in a relationship two months ago. He confessed and i accepted his feelings. And so, he's now my boyfriend and I'm his girlfriend.

"I will write more memories with you," he said and smiled. "A day with you is always fun," he added.

I smiled. "Of course, you're inlove with me and so am i," I answered.

His sweet smile slowly faded and turned into a bitter one. With that, i asked him. "What's with your smile?"

"I'm just thinking," he said and sighed. "I kept on feeling drowsy and forgetting you. Aren't you tired of reminding me of who i am and who you are to me? Aren't you tired of me yet? You're always on my side before and after i sleep. You're always taking care of me. I'm a mess, why are still with me? Why did you stay?"

His face is so sad.

"It's because I love you," I answered and stared at him. "I will never get tired of reminding you. I will never get tired of taking care of you. I will always stay on your side no matter what. So don't worry, you can sleep whenever you want. I will be here once you wake up and i'll help you again. Okay?" I said sincerely.

His eyes were teary. He pulled me for a hug. " Thank you. Thank you for loving me. It may take a lot of time but i promise to remember you, even in my grave."

I patted his back and smiled. "Will you write this scenario on your diary too?" i asked and chuckled.

We broke the hug and he laughed. "Of course," he said and held his pen. "Today, I promised my girfriend, Shan, that i will always remember her and my love for her with or without this diary. I will engrave her name in my heart and cherish it until i die," he said while writing it on his diary. He faced me. "I love you, Shan."

"I love you too, Joshua."

It's a hectic day! I'm preparing for my projects and assignments to be passed tomorrow which is the deadline and i didn't finish it yet.

I slapped my forehead as i roamed my eyes from my laptop to my messed study table. Papers, scratches, food wrappers and lay outs everywhere.

I closed my eyes tightly, trying to calm myself and avoid being pressured. I sighed as i placed my hands on my face. I couldn't stop myself from crying. I've been through hard situations nowadays.

I attend school every day and i work every night. Eventhough my parents are well-off, i don't want to depend myself to them too much. I'm old enough to be independent.

"W-where am I?"

I wiped my tears away and quickly went to the bed. He woke up. I smiled. Finally, my love is awake.

"You're in our home," i said as my tears flowed down to my cheeks. I opened the drawer and took his diary.

"Read it so you can understand," i said and gave him the diary.

"Why would i read that shit?" he asked arrogantly. It surprised me. It's the first time that he said those words to me after waking up.

"It's your m-memories," i answered. He took the book from my hand, glaring at me.

"Go," he said.

"W-What?"

"I said get out of my sight so i can read this shit—memories you say," he answered.

Of course that broke my heart even more. I quickly went back to my table and seated.

I placed my knees together and my hands on its top. I cried a lot. I'm stressed out and he couldn't remember me. He even acted arrogantly.

I cried my heart out before i continued doing my projects. I didn't even rest, for i have to submit these papers early tomorrow. I always glance at him and he's just reading it with his brows met.

I sighed. I'm sleepy.

I closed my laptop and cleaned my mess after i finally finished what i have to finish. It was a very long and tiring day. I want to sleep.

I walked towards the bed where Joshua is sitting while reading the book. I rushed towards the pillow and closed my eyes.

"I hope you can still remember me and your love to me. I hope.."

'that when i wake up, you already remembered me,' I continued inside my head and closed my eyes as tears slowly pooled down into the pillow.

"I'm so sorry."

I opened my eyes because i heard some sobs. I quickly rolled out and looked at Joshua who's crying beside me.

"W-What happened?" i asked and hugged him. I patted his back. I'm worried.

"I'm sorry for giving you so much pain. I'm so sorry that while you were into hard situations, i was on this bed, just sleeping and could not even remember you. I was not on your side when you needed help. I gave you a lot of stress. I'm very sorry.." he said, crying.

My tears pooled down as i closed my eyes tightly. It clenches my heart.

"It's a-alright.." i said and patted his back. "It's o-okay.." i said while wiping my tears.

He broke the hug and faced me. His wet eyes met mine. "Why are you like this?" he asked. "Why are you still loving me?!" he bursted out. "I gave you pain. I only give you problems!"

Tears can't stop falling from my eyes while listening.

"Your life would be so good if you didn't meet someone like me who's ill. Because of me, you're living your life miserably!" he said, crying.

He punched himself and i stopped his hands.

It hurts me seeing him like this, saying those words to me.

"It's my fault! Why did i ask for your help that time?" he said, punching himself. "You could've live in peace, without worries."

I closed my eyes tightly as the pain clenched my heart. My tears were unstoppable.

"Shan, i really am sorry. I apologize. I'm sorry for asking your help. Sorry that you met someone like me—" He did not manage to continue what he was saying when i slapped him.

"Sorry for what? You're sorry because i met you? You're sorry because i helped you? Joshua! Get yourself together! That was my choice, why are you apologizing for it? You're hurting me even more!" i answered.

He stayed silent. He wiped his tears as he went to the cabinet, getting his clothes from it and placed it on his bag.

I rushed towards him. " What are you doing?!" i exclaimed.

"I-I'm leaving you, for good," he answered, still getting his things.

"W-What?" I asked. He stopped and faced me.

His teary eyes stared on me. "Do you love me?" he asked, trying to prevent his tears from flowing.

"S-So much.." i answered. My tears continued flowing from my eyes.

"Then set me free," he said. His tears fell to his cheeks. "Set me free so i can live without hurting and worrying you. Set me free so you can live your life again like the way it used to be."

I fell on my knees. I held his hands and begged him. "Don't leave me," i said, crying out loud.

"Sorry.." he said and moved away his hands from me. He went to the bed and picked up his diary.

He flipped the pages and stopped at the middle. "Memories of us," he whispered.

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