#my joints have been so fucked since i was like. a teen.

[equalseleventhirds]

y'all i am not joking when i say like, treating ur joints nice? god it's good.

like not even in big ways. little ways. wrist wraps for lifting heavy things. ergonomic mouse. squishy silicone wrist rest for ur mousepad. these are all wrist ways, i've been fucking those up lately, but u kno, also like, shoe inserts to give ur ankles support, firmer pillow for ur back, heating pad for when ur joints r stiff, etc etc.

find the little things that help u and get em? you will feel SO much better even if u just do the little tiny things. ur joints are so small but so major. u kno.

[ja3hwa]

♡ 𝐌𝐫. 𝐑𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐑𝐨𝐰𝐝𝐲 | 𝐒𝐚𝐧𝐇𝐰𝐚 ♡

Day Twenty-Three - Masked man

【Synopsis】 : You haven't seen your friends in years given you had been overseas studying. Now that you're back, you've noticed how much they've all grown. And what better to celebrate your return than an innocent party.

『Word count』 : 13.34k

-> Genre: Smut. Dark Romance. Pwp.  

Pairing: ChildhoodFriends!SanHwa x Female!Reader 

[Warnings] : Swearing. Alcohol.Cnc themes. Dark themes. Predator/Prey Play. Rough play. Slight dubcon. Strangers-friends-lovers themes. Mention of Mingi and the others joining in. Wearing masks during sexual activities. Pervi mingi, hehe. Breast play. Dirty talk. Fingering. Clit play. Multiple orgasms. Unprotected sex. Breast play. Hickies. Biting. Pet names (doll, darling sugarcube, bunny, good girl. Princess). Degrading (use of slut, whore and fucktoy). Photographs and videos taken during sex. Seonghwa has a tittie obsession...(whoops) Mentions of mxm and jerking off. Swearing. Heavy making out. Handjob. Ass play. Anal finger. Dirty talk. Messy sex. Manhandling. Threesome. Mention of fucking eight men at once (whoops). San and Seonghwa tagteam the reader. Face fucking. Oral.

Note: So... I finally have been able to repost this fic. I know a lot of you enjoyed it, but truth be told, the person who i considered a friend had used my trust to "help" me make this fic, since it was my first time writing dark cnc themes. They had taken the idea and some of the plot ideas from another writer from a different fandom. And i later found out from someone reaching out to say this fics shared a similar plot. So I've taken the time to scrap the fic and rewrite it, taking most of the contribution of that person out of it. So this will be different from what the one i originally posted. Again, this is a public apology to the mix ups and to a warning to be careful who you trust on the internet. ♡

Networks: @wonderlandnet @illusionnet @cromernet @k-vanity

Masterlist | Navigation | Kinktober List | Tip Jar ♡

The party was loud and crazy. Not your type of scene at all. But your best friend, Yunho, threw it to celebrate him and his dance crew winning their first competition and, of course, to celebrate you finally coming home. At first, you pleaded with Yunho, not wanting to have the attention put on you, so this was the best alternative.

A joint celebration.

Getting ready for this stupid party got you anxious beyond knowing. It had been years since you’d seen them. You were close with all of them as you all basically grew up together in your teen years. But when you went to college overseas for a couple of years. It was like meeting different people when you had graduated and came back home. They had all grown so much, and since you were out of the country, it was hard to keep in contact with all of them. All of them except Yunho, who even flew over a couple of times to see you.

But you were back now and hanging out with eight grown-ass men that still act like children has become increasingly hard. Most of them act as if nothing changed and as if you weren’t gone for over six years. But then there was Seonghwa and San. They were different. Not in a bad way, of course, but still... strange. It's like they were more touchy. San’s hand would linger longer on your lower back when you were all out heading to a restaurant when you first got back. Or when you were over at Yunho’s place getting ready for said night and you couldn’t get your dress zipped up, and luckily Seonghwa just happened to walk past Yunho’s room and spot you struggling.

His finger gazed over your long back tattoo you had gotten while away, whispering so softly that it was beautiful and how it suited you. For a moment, you swore he was going to zip it down instead of up just so he could get a peek at your soft plump ass. Cause you see both San and Seonghwa liked you—a lot. Ever since you were teens, both men had a crush on you. They loved spending time with you, listening to you laugh, and they loved how you were always comfortable around them. Freely snuggling, late-night chats.

But they needed more.

San used to sneak into Seonghwa’s room and chat about all the filthy things they thought of you. And god, the shyness you had just made them know that if they were to say those things aloud, you would certainly freak. No, they were both under the assumption you were too innocent to know how much you affected them. You tortured them. Like the way you cuddled up to San on his couch, acting all sweet with your tits pressed firmly against his side and your head resting on his chest while you watched movies. Or when you had asked Seonghwa to spoon you sometimes cause you were stressing about work and your soft ass would be pressed so nicely against his lap. Just inches away from his aching hard cock.

Oh, the way he would imagine shoving his cock between your thighs fucking them roughly. San would continue saying he sometimes pictures coming deep inside your pussy, claiming you as his. Both of them were drugged on the idea of you. And as years went by and you disappeared for six years, it broke them. All the others went on to dating and enjoying life but the two of them were stuck on you. Like they were unable to move on from you.

And then you came back. You were just as beautiful. More even, as the day you left. You were a grown woman with lustful desires. And they were just the men to help you.

They got their friends to help them get out of the friend zone, getting plenty of suggestions for cute dates and lovey-dovey confessions. But San came up with an idea that Seonghwa knew would be even more perfect than their friend's proposals. Now, all they needed to do was play their cards right, or risk ruining their friendship and / or coming off as a creep.

“Come on, yuyu, I already agreed to this party. What more do you want.” You laughed, sipping on your drink that Wooyoung had fixed for you. It was just you, Wooyoung, and Yunho sitting on the couch in the boy's house. Yunho was trying to get any gossip out of you about your life away, but you really had nothing to say. And then he asked about any special someone. “I’m not about to let you play matchmaker. Last time you tried, you set me up with a skittish boy.” It wasn’t like that poor boy wasn’t nice at all, but he just wasn’t exactly your type.

“Oh, so who would you prefer? Mingi or San, perhaps? Oh, what about someone like Seonghwa,” Wooyoung chuckled, entering into the lounge with a tray of snacks. Your face became flustered all too quickly, hearing Wooyoung call out a bundle of his friends' names, but who really caught your attention was San and Seonghwa. They were both so sweet, like true gentlemen, and they were very attractive, but there was always something missing.

“I mean... They are hot and all.” You trailed off feeling a wave of embarrassment. You’ve never been one to talk about your love life, especially to your friends. You looked briefly around the room, staring at the hallway for a moment, making sure there was no one else in the room. But little did you know Seonghwa and San were in the kitchen getting their own drinks to come and join you. They had asked Wooyoung to slip in the idea of the two, curious of what your answer might be. They had both realised you had never really called them attractive before, let alone something like hot. San gave the other man a surprised expression at the sheer thought of them being good-looking in your eyes. Like a hint of pride burned in their chests. But something got stronger... A feeling... a worried feeling.

“I think there’s a but...” Seonghwa whispered to the younger male.

“I just... I don’t really know..” You rubbed your thumb against the cold glass.

“Let me guess,” Wooyoung tucked his feet under his ass before taking a quick sip of what you assumed to be Soju with some strawberry soda mixed with it. “You need someone to fuck the living daylights out of you and you think they won't make the cut....” His words made you spit out your drink.

Then Yunho continued, “You probably want someone to fuck you like a whore. and you can't deny this, we have gotten drunk to many time for you to hide any of your secrets.” Yunho cackled, making you slap his shoulder, almost making him spill his drink. You felt so embarrassed but it wasn’t because you were worried they’d wouldn't fuck you like a slut. You were worried you’d like fucking them in general too much if they did. So you had to correct them.

“They are sweet guys. Gentlemen. They wouldn’t do such a t-thing.”

“No, no, I get it.” Wooyoung chimed in, wiping his tears from the corner of his eyes from laughing too hard. Frustration built up in the men that stood in the kitchen, San even going as far as mouthing ‘what the fuck’ to Seonghwa as he began to pace around the room. That was the ultimate reason you never really showed them they had a chance. You thought neither of them could fuck you properly? They were too nice for you? All this time hiding their secret desires from you, being too worried they’d scare you off cause you were such a shy little thing. They never even thought that you were just as sex depraved as them?

Seonghwa and San decided to sneak back to Hwa’s room in order to complete their plan now that they know about your secret desire to be fucked like a bitch in heat. They were going to have fun and this party was going to be the perfect cover for their sinister plan.

-

So this brings you back to the present. Wandering through crowds of people dressed in various stage outfits the boys had performed in. Most of them dressed at these people called "evil ones" or as fans started to call them "halateez." The clothing was cool, Gothic cyberpunk. Something you've never really worn before. You decided on one of their more light-hearted dance costumes. It was during when they first started doing competitions, and someone had suggested white outfits for one of their performances, and luckily, they all agreed. So here you were in bunny ears like Seonghwa had and a white knee-length poofy dress with a sweetheart neckline, and instead of a silver puffer jacket you opted for a silver shawl.

To say you stick out like a sore thumb was an understatement.

But you tried to enjoy yourself nonetheless. Wooyoung had dared you to sleep with someone, and you now being a full-grown adult able to make perfectly reasonable decisions, of course, took up Wooyoung’s stupid bet even though you were freaking out about it. This wasn’t something you would normally do. No, you are someone to stay home, cuddle up with your favourite plushie as you friend the filthy dark fantasies no one knew about. But here you are, scanning your eyes around the house from just standing in the doorway of the lounge room, looking to see if anyone caught your eye and let's get this straight, proving Wooyoung wrong was something you took great pride in...

The whole house was open and lively. The large living room had all its furniture against the wall, making room for a dance floor and table with a huge speaker set, blasting loud music.

You had to shake your head at the fact you were actually contemplating Wooyoung’s stupid idea. The said man and one of his friends found you. They linked their arms with yours, leading you down the hallway to the kitchen where your best friend and host, Yunho, was hanging out. He was dressed like a pirate—completed with a hat and sword— and held himself with the confidence of one. You took in all the other boys, seeing all their various spectator costumes. Hugging each of them, you notice Mingi and his open vest outfit with big round shades on the top of his head. He finished his fit with a cane. Kinda making him look like a sexy version of Willy Wonka.

"Where's San and Hwa?" You asked, well half-shouted in Mingi's ear as they all went back to chatting amongst themselves. The only two boys that weren't present were the two you were hoping to see. You had to brace yourself on Mingi’s broad shoulders, standing up on the tip of your toes to make sure he could hear every word you said.

Mingi just smirked at you while you leaned in close to him. He gazes down your body as you speak, letting him see perfectly down the dress you're wearing. "They seem to be running late, Princess. Something about missing a part of their costumes." Mingi answered sweetly, turning his head so his jaw rubbed against your cute little chubby cheek, making you hum slightly, all the while he eyed your plump chest without being too obvious about it of course.

Your whole body shuddered at the feeling of Mingi so close to you. His hand snaked around your waist so he could support you up. You tried to ignore the rush of thrill he managed to send through your body. Opting to pull away and pout at him for what he said. Trying to shake any lusting thoughts that started to appear. "Damn… Okay well could you hold my stuff please, so I can go dance.”

You hummed, holding your purse tightly in your grasp as you gestured to your dress not to be very accommodating for your little purse and phone since there were no pockets. Mingi had to sigh, letting his eyes now freely raked down your body. Taking in your outfit that besides being a knee-high dress, it matched Seonghwa's stage outfit to a tea. He was kind of jealous that you dressed like one of his members instead of him.

You could tell Mingi was bluntly checking you out, playing it off like he was just simply looking at you. Redness appeared slightly on your cheeks, feeling a sense of pride mixed with shyness. The beefcake of a man grabbed your stuff before you could say anything else;

“Of course I’ll look after it, princess. Don’t you worry your pretty little head,” He gave you a charming smile watching him slip your stuff into his large pant pockets before zipping it up, making sure it wouldn’t slip out. You murmured a little flustered, thank you having no idea how Mingi could have possibly heard it over the music, but your hand on his chest let you feel the little hum he made, making you know he heard you. And for just a moment, it lingered. Your bodies close to one another. Mingi smelt like fresh pine, musk, and wine. The scent etching in the back of your brain making you dizzy. You needed to pull away from him now before you do something stupid.

“I-I’m going to go find the others now.” Your eyes caught his in an intense gaze, making you feel hot and bothered. A smirk curved on his full lips while his tongue poked out to trace them ever so slightly. You hadn’t realised you were fixated on them until someone shouted, getting your attention.

“Have fun, princess. If you ever need something, come find me.” He brought your face only inches away from his so he could whisper in your ear, making sure to linger there for a moment before letting you go entirely.

-

After you left, most of the other boys flaked, heading to the dance floor or to mingle with whoever else was invited. Mingi and Yunho, on the other hand, stayed in the kitchen, watching all the chaos unfold as they took another round of shots together. That was when San and Seonghwa finally showed up, walking swiftly through the halls towards the other men. Mingi had kept his eyes on you the whole time, seeing you were now standing and chatting with some old high school friends near the dance floor. His stare dragged from your ass to finally look at the men of the hour, seeing San and Seonghwa were definitely dressed to impress.

“She's is already here.” He said while Yunho nodded in confirmation, pointing in your direction so the two men who were dressed head to toe in black tackle wear, and scream masks hanging off their belts could take a look at you. Both Seonghwa and San glanced in your direction knowing full well who their friends were suggesting to. They both eyed your figure, seeing the outfit you were wearing. The way the end of your dress was fluttering while you swayed side to side, clearly deep into whatever conversation you were having. And the way you were dressed looked like Seonghwa’s stage fit, in particular got Hwa aching in his pants. He wanted nothing more than to bend you over where to stand and claim your pussy while everyone watched in shock.

Hwa had to shake the lewd thoughts from his mind as both him and San turned back to their friend, who happened to be holding out a phone. Your phone to be exact. “She gave this to me to hold onto.” Mingi smirked as he noticed jealousy was brewing in both men in front of him. And for a moment the thought of you letting anyone but them hold onto your things circled in their minds. Mingi could sense the shift in their eyes, only smirking at the thought of successfully getting under their skin. And the worst thing out of it all, the two men weren’t oblivious to the way their friend looked at you. Heck, they all looked at you just the same. Seonghwa and San had planned to get to the party before you to ensure the others didn’t get any ideas towards you. But deep down they knew, none of them would encourage you or give you any offer you wouldn’t like.

“I’ll be taking that.” San grabbed the phone before slipping it into his large pant pocket by his knee. All the boys then gazed back in your direction, spotting you were now dancing with some random people you most likely knew from school. Both men got a better look at your outfit this time. How soft and shiny the material of your flowy dress was that sat beautifully on your body. How your breasts swelled at the top, or how your ass was perfect enough to grab. The cherry on top was how your legs looked, plump thighs on display for everyone to see. When you twirled again both San and Seonghwa watched the way your tits jiggled with every move you took. San let his eyes wander to your hips, watching them twist and jitter to the sound of the music around you, curiously wondering what kind of underwear you had on. Were they cute, pink even, a little bow in the front or were they sluty? Something he could easily rip in half if he needed too.

“She seems pretty rowdy tonight...” Mingi’s words caught the attention of the two men. He then quickly glanced around the room, making sure no one was eavesdropping the conversation. It was then he noticed Yunho had been whisked away to get refills. Typical, leaving him alone with these two crazies.”She was ready to kiss me before. But she ran off towards the dance floor.” Mingi chuckled, seeing the pure shock on their faces. He got up from the bar stool he was sitting on so he could pat both of their shoulders, “Have fun with her, doubt she’s gonna come quietly.”

Mingi laughed at his little joke as he waltzed off to find Yunho. Both San and Seonghwa on the other hand but simply smirked, not letting themselves think with anything less than pure confidence that they’ll get you begging them by the end of the evening. Crying to them to take you out of the friend zone. They were going to make it their mission to get you outta your shell and make you confess your deepest, darkest secrets. Neither of them could wait any longer to watch you come apart on each of their cocks, have you bent in half with your ass perfectly displayed for them while one of them pounded your cunt.And then pining you in another odd position so the other can fuck your mouth until you were crying through your release. Although San and Seonghwa have clued in their friends to their plan to fuck you, they hadn’t told the extent of the rough plan they had to completely ruin you for any other man.

“Oh don’t worry, we have a plan,” Seonghwa answered confidently, flicking his gaze at San with a knowing expression.

“Why, you wanna go around with her or something Min?” San cocked his brow, making Mingi give the male in front of him a long firm glance, trying to think whether the question was a trap or not. But he just shrugged, downing the last of his drink as if to say he’d fuck around and find out.

“Hey, man I’d be more happy to dick her down.” He said smugly. “But you know you probably should accept your prize before you go around waving the trophy like some sort of offering.” Mingi shot a cheeky look before disappearing into the crowd without another word.

-

You started to feel a sense of loneliness filling your emotions as you too amongst sweaty bodies and loud beats of music. you had explored the second floor and most of the rooms on the first, but you could seem to find San or Seonghwa. You were starting to think they weren’t going to show. You had to shake your head in embarrassment thinking about what if Wooyoung spilled the beans about your stupid plan to seduce them. Let's face it you weren’t cut out with all this flirting and wooing and blah blah. You weren’t cut out for anything, but your alone time.

You turned to look back into the kitchen to see if any of the boys were still there, but then an overwhelming presence caught your attention that loomed against the wall of the large hallway. Your breath hitched seeing the two very tall men standing out in the crowd. Even though you couldn’t see either of their eyes, you knew their intense gaze was on you. They were both dressed the same head to toe, and their ghostface masks matched except one was the original mask, and the other was a shiny red style. Your eyes trailed down, finding their t-shirts were tucked into black cargo pants that hung low on their trimmed waist, the bottom of their pants both disappearing into black combat boots.

You shook your head, trying to shake the idea of any other men other than the ones you wanted. So you turned and almost blotted towards the garden, hoping to see if the boys were there. The two men looked at one another, knowing they both had a confused expression. This was going to be harder than they expected. The shyness was going to be harder to crack than they thought.

-

Standing out on the patio, you see partygoers dancing and cheering on the deck. Your eyes once again met one of the masked men. And even though their faces were covered, you knew their gazes were constantly fixated on you. There was no doubt they were grinning like Cheshire cats. You needed to know who these two men were. But more importantly, needed to get away from the loudness. You noticed the fire pit down the small hill of the back yard, and if you stretched your stare further, it led to forestry. a forest that just so happened to have a clubhouse you and your friends built way back when. No one knows about it other than the boys and you.

I wonder if it's still up? You thought, quickly forgetting about the two men that you have been coincidentally running into the past hour, but yet neither of them made a move to talk to you. You noticed fewer people milling about the further you walked. Some still circled around the fire pit while others were making out behind oak trees. You ignored them all, heading down the slow-sloping grass hill. The sound of the party and the thumping ear-bashing bass grew distant the further you walked.

Once at the edge of the trees, you dug your heels into the soft earth so you would stop yourself for a moment. A strange feeling circled you at the thought you were being watched. Looking around, you saw nothing, which in toe, made your gut twist further. You looked back at the house and spotted Mingi standing on the deck, leaning on the wooden railing. Though It was too far to tell exactly, you had a feeling Mingi had been watching you the entire time. It doesn’t appear to ease the jitters in your gut though, but you decide to keep going, shaking the walking red flag that seemed to loom over your body. For some reason, you had become desperate to see the old little clubhouse. See if it’s still standing. Maybe it was nostalgia or just the alcohol running through your veins. Whatever it might be, you pushed past the feeling of having eyes on your back as you finally spotted the old rustic tree house you came all this way out for.

Opening the latch with a little tug, you managed to climb the wonky stairs that led into the old oak cabin-like structure. It was built around the trunk of a large old elm tree, so the trunk went straight through the ‘living room’ as you and the boys called it. The rusty creak of the door catches your attention, and your heart jumps out of your chest suddenly spinning back to where the gate is. “I’m losing my mind...” You shake your head, pinching the bridge of your nose. Maybe you shouldn't have had those shots of soju with Yeosang before heading down here.

“I wouldn’t sell yourself short there sugarcube.” Your head snapped in the direction of the voice, and if it wasn’t for the full moonlight shining through the plastic-covered windows, you wouldn’t have seen the man who owned the said voice. He was one of the men wearing the Ghostface masks. Unlike the other male who wore the traditional one, he wore a red one with little devil horns on the top.

“W-Who are you?” The two men had been following you all night, and it's only now come to your attention that they were the eyes you felt while you walked through the woods. They had followed you here. To sacred ground. You and your friends hide away from the real world. But what really started to cloud your mind was the fact you couldn’t help but notice his voice. Without the loud music and wasted people around you, crashing into you every time you moved. You sensed a hint of familiarity. Your head tilted slightly as you tried to take the mysterious man's full statue. Now that you thought about it, his whole demeanour was familiar.

“Well aren't you the cutest thing.” you were starting to wonder where the other man might have been given these two had seemingly always travelled in pairs from your knowledge. And though his voice startled you, you were not surprised to hear it.

“I…” You replied to the white Ghostface.

“I could eat you all up. You would like that Bunny?” he urged this time, a thread of desperation in his tone. You felt your head spin at his tone, wondering just how you managed to end up in some kind of dark fantasy of yours. Not that you were complaining. But the man's voice started to buzz around in your brain... you thought for a moment you recognized it, but you didn’t know for sure who it might belong to. You were fighting an inner battle of logic and lust and you were about to throw all the screams of caution your brain was giving you out the fucking window. And besides, you knew if there was any true danger and you no longer wanted to do anything, Mingi would most likely stay on the patio until you showed up again, so he would come running if you screamed loud enough.

“I...Yes” You murmured in a short hum as you watched him relax physically at your vocal approval. You could practically hear the giant smirk in his voice as the other man replied...

“To be eaten it is, sugarcube.” The red ghostface held his gloved hand out for you to take. And for a moment, you just stared at it. Stared at him. Your eyes tracked up his toned arm to the spooky ghostface mask then past him, looking into the pitch black of the thick woods beyond the window. You weren’t sure what they had planned for you, but the way your core was begging... leaking at the pure thought of being railed in your high school hang out had you thinking about all the red flags in this scenario. As your gaze lands on the black eyes of the red ghost mask you slowly let out a staggered breath, feeling his body heat consume you. Maybe you should be scared. Maybe you should just use the safe word or try to run back to the party and forget about everything. But with their sinful aura and their lingering words, you pressed closer.

“Oh, Bunny.” The white ghost face man growled, tugging your waist from behind until you were turned around, facing him. He slowly walked you back until you were pressed firmly against the old oak wall. Your little fabric shall had luckily protected your shoulders from the itchy chipping wood, and with his rough grasp just below your ass, he lifts your legs up with ease until they wrap snugly around his hips, successfully pinning you to the wall. You could feel the man's massive bulge in his pants against your dripping core. Your mind spun at the feeling of him being so close and for the first time tonight you had sworn you had in fact lost all of your marbles. “We are gonna fuck you so hard, you'll be begging for us to stop.”

With that lustful whisper hanging in the air, your mind went blank. The red ghost face reached down and shoved your poofy dress up so it could sit around your hips, showing off your frilly black panties with a cute little bow on the front. This adorable piece of fabric was the only thing protecting your sweet pussy from these two very large men’s eyes. The white ghost let out a deep, sadistic growl at the sight, while red whistled, “Fuck sugarcube, ain’t these the cutest darn things.” He muttered, his black-gloved fingers tracing the side of the garment. Without a second thought he wrapped the fabric around his fingers and pulled, snapping the thing cotton from your shivering body. “Too bad I had to do that.”

You let out a loud gasp as you shivered under Red’s big arms. You’ve never experienced such roughness before and it sent your mind into a haze. You could feel a warmth drip down between your thighs. Good god you’re enjoying this a little too much. Before the man discarded the broken fabric, he took notice at the obscene amount of silk that coated the cotton. You could suddenly feel the cool night breeze against your most sensitive area, making you whine.

Not a moment after, the whine from the cold air changed to one of pleasure as you felt white this time, sliding his gloved fingers between your folds, pushing lightly against your clit. You couldn’t help it… you shifted your hips in time of the strangers movements. Trying, silently begging to let him slide his appendages inside you. Your cunt was already so wet and ready, and the feeling of being empty was beginning to drive you insane. It was like every nerve in your body was being set on fire, screaming to be fucked by your pretty strangers.

“Such a needy fucking thing,” Red, or was that white? Gritted his teeth like he was clenching his jaw. Whites fingers pinch your clit making you cry. He couldn't get enough in his sight if only he didn't have this fucking mask on. they both craved the way your body responded to them, their sweet little friend, practicality begging for them to fuck you. "She's so fucking wet and warm. it's like this pretty cunt is just begging for our cocks, isn't that right bunny?"

“Please. Yes.” You answered him with a sigh, your voice shaky and pitched higher than normal. “Need you both, please.” You pleaded again, reaching out to tug on White’s belt, silently asking him to take it off. But he swatted your hands away with a grunt making the other man laugh.

The red ghost face gripped your face in his hand while the other teased the top hem of your dress. he brought his covered face just inches from your own, as if he was trying to get an close up look at your desperate expression “I don't think you sound nearly as desperate enough just yet for either of our cocks, hmm?" you could basically hear the sharp grin in his voice.

A large hand is placed upon your chest, making you hold your breath. You can feel the heat radiating from just a simple touch. You swallowed thickly as Red gripped the front of your dress, pushing white away so he could pull you off the wall and tug you towards the floor. You can’t help but cry out as you land onto one of the old long floor cushions in the clubhouse. He’s so lucky it was there otherwise this entire thing would be over. You blow out a huff of air as you look at both men with a devious smirk. You can feel how intense both of their gazes are. Looking you up and down and taking everything in. If this is how they want to play, then....

“If I knew this was how my night was going to end. I would have spoken to you two sooner.” You giggled, opening your legs, your dress hiked up your thighs to reveal yourself slightly on accident. But both men growled either way...

Red quickly dropped down to you a little too eagerly. His hand placed firmly on your navel, pushing a small amount of pressure. The touch itself left you breathless. White joins your side, and his hands are quick to your breasts. You grab his wrist, a little hesitant. You meet his gaze under the mask, and he waits for you. Biting your lip, thinking, and wondering, you venture and guide his hand under your dress to your bare breast. You hear White shakily breathe out a quiet ‘fuck’ which goes straight to your gut. He flicks a thumb over your nipples before giving your breast a firm squeeze.

You whine softly as two fingers easily slip into your slick cunt. By instinct or just by pure need, you go to close your legs in order to gain friction but a strong hand on your inner thigh stopped that. Giving you a light tap to keep them open. You find yourself breathing heavily and lost in thought. God is this really happening? You thought, arching your back upwards.

The white ghost-faced man pulled your dress down from your breast, revealing them to the cold air. Your nipples harden and white runs his thumb over them again, fixated on the way your body responds to his delicate touch. If only you could kiss him, see who was exactly gifting you the pleasure from your fantasy. You felt a slight guilt twinge inside you, swearing at yourself for imagining your friends, Seonghwa and San. Would they ever do this to do? That was the thought that mixed with flashes of their face as white leaned closer to you, letting his mask almost touch your cheek. You reach out for the mask on the man’s face, your hand shaking from Red’s fingers fucking into you at a slow but brutal pace. But white’s hand comes flying up and grabs your wrist, moving your hand back away.

“Not now, bunny,” He chuckles lightly. His voice was so familiar, but it was becoming very hard to concentrate when a third finger was added amongst the others. The stretch made you feel dizzy, but with how wet you are, it’s an easy fit. You felt Red shift your legs higher up his hips so he was able to reach for something out of his back pocket with his free hand.

 "I think we should record this, don't you?" he asked, but not to you, no, he asked his friend that was sitting so patiently next to the two of you.You mind was too fuzzy to even hear the rest of the brief conversation, it was only until you heard a quick flicker of a camera and a flash being turn on that you shook your head slightly out of the clouds. The bright light near blinded you as your vision was still a blur, he moved the angel of the light towards his gloved fingers, capturing a glance of his long appendages deep inside your soaking cunt. You suddenly became all too aware that he was taking a video of his actions. He was filming himself pleasuring you.

He could see the way your clit throbbed in pleasure and the way you clenched around nothing. You never knew you’d be into being recorded but here you are, feeling a sense of desire from just being on display for these two men. You rolled your hips for him, watching how his shoulders visibly shifted with a groan following. He watched intensely through the phone alone with white as his fingers slid in and out of your soaked hole. “Fuck, I’m gonna watch this later while I fuck my hand.” His breathy voice shattered around you as he picked up his thrusts of his fingers, making you cry.

“Please, f-fuck.” You screamed, wanting to feel everything he could possibly gift you. Craving to feel the stretch of their cocks. Begging to feel anything from them. And the way his fingers hit you in all the right spots was almost perfect as you feel another high building quickly in your lower tummy.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking wet, Bunny,” White groaned, watching Red fuck you harder with his fingers. “Can you hear the sounds of your pussy from here.” he laughed, leaning over to grab the camera off Red so he could continue recording while Red used his now free hand to circle your clit while he continued to assault your hole. You could feel a sense of humiliation mixing with the blissfulness of pleasure Red gifted you. Even with your heart pounding in your chest and both men’s harsh breathing in their masks, you could still hear the lewd sounds that came from fingers pumping in and out of you.

He fucked you faster. The sounds only grew louder with your moans as each thrust sent your mind into a daze. “More, please,” you begged, breaking into a sob, feeling tears pool against the corners of your eyes.

“Mmm, that’s it Doll, beg for me,” Red growled, shoving his fingers out of you to give your pussy a harsh slap before plunging his fingers back inside you. You choked out a ragged moan as your head shook against the old cushion with your hips writhing against his body.

“Please. I’m gonna cum. Please, I need it so badly.” you chanted, begging, just needing a little push. But Red seemed to understand what your body was craving, so when he suddenly whistled over his friend, that’s when you felt a hand cover your eyes and then a wet sensation met your nipples. It was white's mouth, suckling on your tit with a sharp inhale. Your back arched at the feeling followed by the most degraded you ever made.

“Good girl, take my fingers. Cum all over them.” His praises, mixed with a raspy voice that was muffled by the mask caused your head to spin. “We need to stretch you out nicely before we fuck you.” he continued with a sadistic chuckle. The way he was so consumed with your body was almost insane. You were so focused on your own pleasure the alarm bells, questioning who these two men were, in your brain had become only a distant natter. You were almost there. Pushing against white more, tugging on his bicep, you felt his hand slipping from your face. The alarm bells that were going off before were even louder now, trying to warn you about something. About them? With fumbling, impatient hands, your fingers gripped around the hem of white's shirt before tugging one last time. His hand slipped completely off your eyes, what you were faced with left a loud, sharp gasp to leave your lips.

”Seonghwa!? San?!” your scream came out with gasping confusion. Suddenly everything around you became very real. The two men who were strangers only seconds ago and the camera that was still in fact recording. You were utterly stunned by your two friends. Their faces are dark, cold with smug smirks. Their usually neat locks were now messy from the masks. Lust shot through your body as your cunt tightened around San’s fingers, fearing he would pull them out. But in the next breath, the feline male shoved his thick fingers mercilessly into you, his thumb rubbing harshly against your clit with the mission of getting you to your release. Everything becomes overwhelming. You were already on the brink of the best orgasm in your life and now the shock of your friends being the ones beneath the masks had caused a mixture of pleasure and excitement, throwing you completely over the edge. You hit your head slightly on the floor, you jaw slacked as you scream their names while you can all over San’s fingers. Seonghwa never stopped his assault on your breasts, leaving love bites in his wake.

“Fuck, you’re so fucking good for me, such a pretty little thing.” San uttered softly as he helped you through your high. His arm stretched out to take the phone from the other male, who still refused to unlatch his lips from your mark skinned. Widening his finger, San watches your walls clamp down on them, capturing your cum leaking out of you on camera. “You’re doing so well, baby. Fuck look at you, clenching around my fingers like a good fucktoy.”

Lost to the feeling of your mind-blowing orgasm so all you could do was whimper in response, feeling overly sensitive with Seonghwa still abusing your tits. “S-Sannie, Hwa…” You cried, moving one of your hands until it found Seonghwa’s toned chest, snaking it upwards till you met his shoulders.

San seemed to have understood what your little plea meant as he quickly and swiftly switched off the phone, the bright light no longer lingering over your body. And in a heartbeat, he was gently placing your legs to the ground. It was now Seonghwa's turn to sit between your thighs, covering your body with his, making you hold in your breath. You couldn't help your heart from racing, trying to process the fact that your two friends—Kind, sweet, and caring Seonghwa and San— had been the two men under the masks all along. It almost somehow didn't feel real. You had known them for years after all, and you would have never thought they'd be like this. The fact that San had finger fucked you in your guy's old hangout while Seonghwa litter your chest with hickies just didn’t make sense.

"Oh my god..." You whispered in confusion against your hand as you pinched your brow. You had to push Seonghwa's chest so you could sit up away from them for a moment. Both of them carried a guarded expression, eyes wary. But there was a lustfulness still in their features. Something you’d never seen before in either of them. Something they managed to keep buried deep inside so you would never see it.

You didn’t have time to ponder how your friends were able to make your pussy throb with just a simple look as Seonghwa grabbed your hips, pulling you back down onto the soft cushioning. San snatched both your wrists, pinning them above your head with a proud smirk as you both watched Seonghwa grope a handful of your tits roughly, giving them a sloppy kiss.

"God these fucking tits. You are so perfect, Bunny." Seonghwa groaned as he ducked back down to suck your right nipple harshly, "beautiful.." he murmured against your skin as if he was only talking to himself. You grind your hips against his, desperately trying to find any type of friction your body seemed to crave. A whine broke free from your lips, making your head spin. You were so needy already and a part of you couldn’t believe such a thing. Especially after the leg shaking high San had only gifted you just minutes before.

"H-hwa, please." You had no real idea why you were begging, but you felt like you needed to nonetheless.

Seonghwa grinned against your chest, but San was the one to whisper in your ear, "You sound so fucking beautiful when you beg Sugarcube."

San wasn’t paying attention it seemed, like he had falling into his own little world while he slid his fingers against your neck and along your arms slowly, like he was taking his time to explore your body, "You have no idea how long we've dreamt about you." he admitted, gaze now fixated on the way Seonghwa kissed down your chest towards your navel. “Do you know how many times, we would be up late, fucking our own fists or each others to the thought of what your sweet little cunt might feel like.”

A growl ripped free from Seonghwa, the sound barely human, from the words his friend spilled. Seonghwa then moved swiftly, digging his arms under your back so he could hold you tight. You could feel the breath being forced from your lungs as he tugged you up until, in an instant, his lips found yours. This kiss was not the sweet gentle one you imagined Hwa would give you, no, this one was rough and filthy as he poured all his pent-up emotions from these months into you, shoving his tongue down your throat, taking what he deemed his. But you showed to be just if not more needy than him, using your now free hands, you grabbed on his dishevelled hair, tugging harshly on the soft strands like your life depended on it. Seonghwa’s lips found your jaw, then your collarbone, letting you draw in a shaky breath of fresh air. He sucked on your soft skin, knowing he was going to leave more marks.

You tangled your digits in his fluffy hair, tugging him closer to your trembling body. It was almost like you fear if you let him go, he would seemingly disappear.You needed more. You needed all of him, both of them. You needed him to empty his load  deep inside you until he was leaking out all over the floor and then San to do the same. “H-hwa, please—please,” you begged in a worn whisper.

San turned your face towards him by your chin, growling at the fucked out expression you bared. Seonghwa continued his assault on your skin while San leaned forward to steal a fierce kiss from you. You broke one hand free from Hwa’s hair to dig into San’s fluff to hold him close, but he wrenched himself away before you could get a tight enough hold on him. His face held a cheeky grin as you watched him stand up.

He eyed the way your legs were wrapped around Seonghwa as the man knelt in front of you, still attacking you with love bites. You watched intensely with your mouth slightly agape as San reached down to his belt buckle, pulling the leather free with one swift motion making your cunt throb against Seonghwa's thigh. He then pulled his zipper down slowly, teasingly. You were practically vibrating in anticipation against the older male, one from his lips still dotting on your skin and two for the performance the younger was gifting you. 

“Fuck.” You gasped at the sight of your friend pulling his cock out of his tight jeans. You had a feeling both boys were well off, but San was big. Your gasp made Seonghwa’s cock harden more against your core, twitching at the pretty sounds that left your lips. San’s cock was thick rather than long. His fingers barely met as he fisted it, stroking up the length in a slow motion. You could feel your soaked cunt clench tight as you stared at San’s thick cock, eyeing every detail from his wide tip to the girth and veins.

“Like what you see?” Seonghwa asked you, letting you pull away from him so his face could meet you once again. A big grin painted his features. It was dark and lustful with a hint of curiosity. You nodded to his words, making him let out a simple hum, “You want to see mine?”

“Yes please.” You said a little too quickly, but at this point, you no longer cared. Both men just chuckled at your eagerness as you pushed yourself back to give Seonghwa some room. San, in the meantime, walked back over to sit beside you, helping you undress completely, removing the awkward fabric that was pooled around your waist. Almost dazedly, you watched Seonghwa undress until his cock sprung free and unlike San, Seonghwa’s cock was long. You reached forward without a second thought, wanting, needed to have him in your grasp.

But Seonghwa gently batted your hand away, before stroking his own cock. “Not now, bunny.” He chuckled before grabbing your hips, tugging you back against him. He and San helped to lay you back down softly, letting the older male hover above you, pressing his tip against your aching hole. You then eyed San as he leaned over to his nice pile of clothing, grabbing the phone he had recorded you on prior. He gave it to Seonghwa this time so he could capture a delicious shot of his cock resting on your pussy.

“H-hwa please, please.” You begged, needing him to put it in already. But yet he didn’t, he just held his one hand against your wiggling hips while he slid his hard tip length against your wet folds. San held down your shoulders, making sure you wouldn’t move. Seonghwa bit his lip as he got his full length soaked in your arousal before settling back down on his heels. You watched in awe as his whole body shook while staring intensely into the phone, completely transfixed on the side of his dick twitching against your abused cunt. He stopped recording, placing the phone down before gripping your hips tightly.

”Do you have a condom bunny?” He choked out feeling a sense of restlessness, his eyes wide filled with desire. Your gaze never left him watching him looking at you like you were the one woman left in this world. You nod your head now staring at him with worry.

“I-I don’t have one,” You murmured, trying to look around the room in order to avoid his eye contact but ending up catching San’s instead. You hadn’t had anywhere to keep it in your dress, so you’d given your purse and phone to Mingi to hold onto. San’s eyes flicked to Seonghwa with a cheeky expression. You finally looked back at Hwa, noticing his gaze was flared with hunger but also with a hint of anger.

“What were you planning if you met someone tonight bunny?” he snarled, “Did you plan from random fuck you with no protection?” His brows crossed in frustration, inching closer to your face. “Would you have let Mingi fuck you raw? Risk getting knocked up?”

His voice was shaky, almost like he was afraid, but all your mind could think of was how incredibly handsome Seonghwa was with fury contorting his features. How could something feral look so elegant? It suddenly occurred to you that even though these two were, in fact, your friends, you should be scared, no? You should stop them and explain yourself about leaving your stuff with Mingi, right?

But it was apparent how overwhelmed you had suddenly gotten for both men at this moment. your pussy practically leaking all over the floor. your lust for him consumed you as if it was holding your tongue. So all you could do was stare with wide doe eyes, dazed and innocent. When you didn’t respond or defend yourself, both men took this as a defeat on your part. San lightly tsking behind you while Seonghwa shook his head. He was trying his best to hold his anger, keep it in check with some visible effort, raking his hand through his hair, making his already messy locks messier, "So fucking irresponsible, Bunny.”

"Well if our baby here was happy with the idea of getting fucked raw, you wouldn't mind if we do it, huh?" San smirked looking down at you with a slight head tilt.

It felt like a jolt of electricity just surged through your body straight to your core as you clenched around nothing. You whined loudly at San's words, showing just how much it affected you. You needed them both so badly that you finally found the courage to speak up, "Please, Seonghwa, please fuck me bare. I need it, I need you so badly." Your whimpers were music to their ears, tears trickling down your cheeks while your hips bucked up so your soaked cunt slid against his cock.

Seonghwa just stared at you in pure shock for a moment, his jaw slacked and his eyes dazed in fog. He was completely in awe of just how filthy you were truly deep down. You indeed are minx underneath an innocent exterior. Tilting his head back, he squeezed his eyes shut for a second as the grip on your thighs tightened, threatening to leave bruises. "Fuck, Bunny..."

It was San's turn to talk, grabbing your hand and giving it a little squeeze, "Such a filthy fucking whore ain’t ya baby? You, really begging to be knocked up. So cute." His voice was dripping in eagerness, making your heart beat wildly. Seonghwa jerked his cock tightly in one hand while he lined himself up with your hole before he pushed his tip against you.

“Is this what you want, baby? Do you want to be our little whore? our baby to care for and fill whenever we want?” His voice was laced with lust, a feral grin curling on his features. Still holding your gaze, he brought his cock down onto your clit, gifting you a hard smack. You jerked at the sting mixing with pleasure. San used this moment to tug your hand towards his cock, letting you wrap your hand around the thick appendage.

You squeezed, causing San to let out a stagnant hiccup. Seonghwa took this moment while your focus was on the other man to press his cock against you, pushing until the cock head slipped inside your dripping cunt. Your walls clenched around him quickly, drawing a ragged moan from both of you, “Fuck we are never gonna let you go after this Bunny,” he muttered pure filth as he inched deeper and deeper inside you.

"Fuck, you're so b-big Hwa." You babbled out staring up into Seonghwa’s dark eyes. His face scrunched with concentration as you cried louder when he sunk the rest of his thick cock into your cunt. He growled in your ear, sounding almost like an animal as he does not give you any time to adjust to the feeling of him but luckily from your previous high, you were wet enough that he slipped in and out with ease. San bit the other ear whining as he felt your hand move in time to Seonghwa's thrusts.

“We are gonna make you our pretty little cock sleeve.” San emphasised every word in his words as Seonghwa thrusted roughly into you making your tits bounce. You squirm, writhing but San just pinned your shoulders down while Seonghwa pinned your hips. Your thighs started to ache as they were spread wide, riding up the side of Seonghwa’s waist while you tried to cling to Sans's biceps. You felt so ruined, so used, and they’d barely even fucked up yet.

“Please, sir. Yes, please. Only for you two,” You cried out a little too easily, coming to terms no one would fuck you the way your friends could. “Do whatever you want with me. I’m yours, all of me. Have me as you please. Just please fuck me harder.” You became a blubbering mess, tears streaming down your face from frustration and desperation. A simple pleased grin painted Seonghwa’s angelic features, leaning down to steal a kiss from you. His tongue lathering your lips with such possessiveness it made you swoon. His lips trailed down until they landed on your jaw, it was then when you only realised you were smiling, brightly... Happily

Seonghwa sat up slightly again, looking over to San, who looked pleadingly as if he was being left out. The older male just smiled, pulling the younger by his thigh to bring him closer, letting Seonghwa wrap his hand around your smaller one that still slowly tugged on San’s cock. A moan left all of your lips as Seonghwa began to thrust against but in time with the pumps he gave San. “That’s it. Stroke him like this bunny. Be a good little slut and help our Sannie out.”

The nickname he gave his friend sent your body into a dizzy haze, simply nodding at his words in agreement. Seonghwa sat up, letting go of San so you could continue before he swiped the phone from the ground. He held the device above your bodies angling it to get all of the action in one shot. For a moment you wondered why the flash didn’t turn on but simply just clicked once, it was then you realised he took a photo. He threw his head back for a moment, basking in the way he could feel your body react to every thrust he gave you. “Here Sannie, wanna go?”

Your friend pulled out of your delicately, making sure you feel every inch slip out of your abused pussy. You shivered suddenly, one from the loss of body heat and two from being stuffed full. But before you could protest to anything, San gently tugged your hand off him before getting up, walking off towards the door. This gave you a perfect view of his plump ass. Without warning, Seonghwa thrusted back inside you, filling you up with a quick, brutal stroke, completely pulling your mind from the tall drink of water back to him. “Eyes on me bunny I’m still the one fucking you.”

The sharpness in Seonghwa’s voice got you spinning. So he was possessive even when he shared, noted. You thought, but before you could say anything to him, you noticed San had returned with some pillows. Fresh clean ones? He must have parked his trucks near and the fucker just walked outside butt naked to grab pillows. Seonghwa moved over, pulling out of you quicker than you could comprehend before San took his place between your shaky thighs... The younger male then lifted your hips with the strength you had no idea he possessed, placing a folded pillow under you. Seonghwa had taken San’s old spot but this time he was stroking his own cock, telling you to focus on the other man in the room.

You watched intensely as San brought his thick girthy cock to your wet hole. Once you were settled and San started to push his way into the point you felt nicely stuffed from his giant cock, you felt him place a hand on your stomach, feeling the bulge poking out. “Fuck sugar, If I knew you felt this good, I would have fucked you ages ago.” He moaned, shaking at the way your walls clenched around him. Your hazy gaze noticed a flash from a camera again, taking another photo of you, and another from another angle.

“See how petty you look all stretched out and stuffed full of San’s cock. Seonghwa growled, turning the phone so you could see the photo he had taken. Your eyes widened as you stared at yourself. Legs spread, forcibly open by San’s thick thighs while your cunt was snugly around his cock. Hwa had caught the perfect moment. Your pleasure in one single frame. From the way your breasts were on the perfect display and your face conveying pure bliss. It was single-handedly the filthy photo that you had ever seen of yourself. And you couldn’t help but admit it, but you loved it... Your eyes stared at the image feeling yourself tingle at the sight, tightening around San by the thought of your own pleasure.

You almost whine when Seonghwa turns the phone away from you. It was too soon, you hadn’t finished examining every detail yet. But your focus landed on San, seeing hunger dressed with dark eyes as he gazed at the photo Seonghwa was showing him.”You look so hot baby, like the perfect little cock warmer.”

San’s eyes suddenly snapped to Hwa’s taking out a short breath as he kept slowly fucking you with deep, sensual strokes of his hips. Hwa’s brows were raised in response to the other male, almost as if he was considering something. You squirmed, wanting to be in on the thought, but also wanting to be fucked harder. “Should I send this to Mingi?” Seonghwa chuckled watching intensely as your expression changed from blissed out to pure shock.

Out of all the fucking thing’s this wild card of a man could say, that wasn’t something you thought you’d ever leave his lips. Since practically being fucked beyond your freakiest dreams, you had completely forgotten about Mingi. You felt guilt riddled through your heightened body, feeling a little ashamed at how you whined as soon as he spoke. “He told us how needy you seemed when you saw him tonight. And let's be honest he has always liked you. We just happened to call dibs first.”

Seonghwa’s words were cruelly calm, like he was just having a simple conversation. For someone who had only shown possession even before this situation you thought he would be more angry, heck jealous even but he seemed more entertained. San snapped his hips, bringing your attention back to him. He must have sensed the confusion in your eyes because his grin explained everything, “We know how he looks at you, Sugar. They all do. They would all love to get inside your pretty cunt here...” San placed his hand over your pelvis, the gesture dominant, and asserting. “Even your best friend, Yunho...”

“But none of them will do it... Not until we say so...” You shivered at the certainty in San’s voice, goosebumps rising all over your skin at the sheer thought in his words. Not only had he and Seonghwa wanted to have you. But all of them had wanted you enough that San and Seonghwa had laid claim to you first before any of them so much as looked in your direction. It was at this moment you finally realised that this one-night stand was something more. Not just for you but for them also, which made you feel a sense of relief, like a weight was lighted off your shoulders. If they were telling your friends to back off, then they both definitely wanted more than a hookup, and that made your heart ach in pleasure.

Seonghwa smirked as he watched your face contort from confusion to understanding of what San had just said. “Mingi and the others were even nice enough to help us set all this up,” Seonghwa explained. “I think they deserve a little thank you for their hard work, no?” There was a teasing curve to Seonghwa’s lips as if he didn’t expect you to agree.

For how long you've been friends with all these men, they certainly did not know you as much as they thought. Seonghwa's suggestion... Not only did it make you burn with need but the sheer idea of him and San showing off to your friends with photos of you being fucked out on San's cock was even better, "Do it." you said with desperation, staring Seonghwa dead in the eyes. "My body is yours to do what you want. please, please share it if you want to."

Both men's faces went slack with surprise, making them both freeze and San slowing his thrusts. San's body was still except for his eyes, which raced around your expression that was still glued to Seonghwa.. You then sat slowly up on your elbows, tilting your head so it was inches from San before whispering with a smirk, “Please, send it...” Then slipping your lips on his. You felt him groan in your mouth, snaking his hand on the back of your neck. You felt Seonghwa shift before walking off somewhere else in the room, almost drawing your attention away. 

San then pulled away slightly, resting his forehead against yours, staring into your eyes with nothing but devotion and lust. He had to take a moment, your words affecting him more than he realised.“I trust both of you, you know that right...” You sealed your lips against his again in a feverish kiss but he pulled away again with a smirk, making you whine before falling back onto the soft cushions. “Fuck, just send the photo to the others already...” you muttered dramatically. “I want them to see it.” Your confession went straight to his dick, your cunt clenching tightly around him at the thoughts looming open in the air.

San started to rut his hips into you without a second thought, living in the feeling of your warm cunt. But he shook the thought, gritting his teeth while forcing himself to stop his hips, and then he heard a whistle. “Hey, here.”

San gave Seonghwa a mouth pop, pulling out of you entirely, making you gasp at the sudden empty feeling. He chuckled before standing up, letting you see him in all his glory. “You’re not thinking properly...” He accused a little too harshly, watching you twist yourself until you sat on your knees in front of him, licking your lips. Before you could latch your grippers on his cock, he grabbed your face, squishing your cheeks together, tugging your face up to look him in the eyes. “You’re thinking with your cunt, love.”

He helped you up, with Seonghwa suddenly standing behind you, sandwiching you between both men. You turned around to face Hwa this time, snaking your hands along his chest, kissing his neck. “How is this any different to you two wanting to fuck me raw hmm?” You whispered against Seonghwa’s soft skin, letting him grip your hips, and basked in the kisses you were littering on him. You were starting to get frustrated with every moment spent with neither of them fucking you. “Sending a pic to the boys seems less risky if you think about it now huh?”

San just rolled his eyes, walking over to where Seonghwa was before. Hwa, on the other hand, took this moment to capture your wandering lips while slowly walking you backwards towards the table, and Seonghwa had laid blankets over. Your knees hit the edge of the wood, making you break the kiss. Hwa helped you put onto the piece of furniture, laying you down gently. You looked up and saw Seonghwa between your legs and San with an irritated yet lustful expression, staring down at you dominantly. “You think, we’d actually risk knocking you up?”

He didn’t give you any time to reply before he continued, “I know you’re on birth control ‘cause I heard you complaining about it to Yunho.” He was now inches from your face, his breath tickling your cheeks as he also held your shoulders down. “You also slipped up and said that you would never fuck someone raw when we were all drunk the other night while playing truth or dare.” his dark eyes were wild with frustration, “We are your friends...We do listen.”

Tears swam in your eyes at the realisation that the two men you had been fearing didn’t like you back and not only were they in love with you also but had paid attention. You couldn’t help but smash your face to his in a fierce kiss. Your hands held his cheeks, trying to pull him as close to you as possible. He let you take the reins for the moment, slipping his tongue inside you while Seonghwa began to thrust inside your waiting cunt, snapping his hips against your bruised ones. Your moans fell into San’s mouth, panting and mixing your breath with his as you felt Seonghwa’s cock stretch you once again. “H-hwa!” You couldn’t help but cry his name out.

Seonghwa leaned down to kiss your chest, thrusting into you at a slow, steady pace. San pecked your cheek before grabbing the phone he had been using this whole night. He clicked his tongue before slyly holding it up to your face, whispering. “Look at the phone sugarcube.” You looked down with confusion seeing the phone unlocked with a face ID. Your eyes widened at the realisation that these two men had been using your phone this entire time, recording your body on your own camera. That meant that if these two wanted to send or see these videos and photos again, you would have to send it to them. You couldn’t help but feel an overwhelming sense of heartfeltness as if these two men couldn’t get any better.

San didn’t seem to notice your reaction as he scrolled through your camera roll. Your hands gripped the sides of the table as you moaned Seonghwa’s name on repeat. Seonghwa latched his plump lips on your nipple, hiking your left leg over his shoulder to fuck you at a rougher angle. “I’m gonna send this photo to myself so I can make it my background.” He bit his lip checking out a photo of you with Seonghwa’s cock deep inside your throbbing pussy. He would never admit it but the sight of Seonghwa fucking you made him go wild.

“We’ll talk about the others later.” He huffed, throwing the phone gently onto the blanketed table next to you and tugging you upwards so your head dangled over the table slightly so he could mouth your cute mouth. You whined, parting your lips willingly so you could let him sink his cock into your mouth inch by inch. You hollowed your cheeks and took a deep breath while you clung to his thick thighs as he started moving.

His hips gave a short thrust as all three of you groaned. “Fuck, you feel so good on my cock, baby,” San muttered, his hands holding the side of your face while Seonghwa gripped your ass cheek with one hand and your breast in the other. “It’s like you were made for me.”

“You’re much to talk, this cunt is the best I’ve ever had. So fucking warm. I could sit in it forever.” Seonghwa kneaded your ass as his hips jackhammered into you. He grunted against your tits focusing on your pussy clenching around him. Then you suddenly felt his finger press against the tight hole of your ass, making you jerk a little, gagging on Sans's cock. “You gonna let us fuck this ass one day, Bunny? I bet Yunho would love the feeling of it. Mingi and him love to tag team you know.”

You moaned around San, bucking your hips in a silent plea at Seonghwa’s filth words. A dark chuckle is all the older male could rumble up mixing with the sounds of pure sin as he pulls his finger away from your ass to coat it in his own saliva before placing it right back where it was, slowly pushing on your tight hole. What was worse was that your senses have now become heightened over your vision being taken away from the angle you lay in. You feel him push again on your puckered hole before his tip breached it, making you swallow thickly. San shivered at the feeling, making him whine out, “And to think, you were scared we wouldn’t have been able to fuck you like the whore you so desperately want to be.”

“Hgnm?” you mumbled against his cock. You questioned if they had heard your thoughts or worse you had started accidentally speaking out loud at some point, but it turned out it was none of those things.

“We heard you, Bunny” Seonghwa bit out in a choked tone, frustration lacing his deep voice at himself as he felt himself nearing his climax... “We heard you talking to Yunho and Woo when you were at our place last week,” he explained. “You said ‘They are sweet guys. Gentlemen. They wouldn’t do such a thing’…Remember?” Each word he spoke he punctuated with a deep harsh trust making you jerk backwards against San. San held you still against him with a firm grip, driving himself so deep you could feel him go down your throat. You felt so ashamed... of course they overheard you, you hadn’t been as sneaky as you thought. But then again, deep down you had hoped they heard. With Seonghwa’s finger still in your ass, his cock driving harshly into your cunt and San deep down your throat, you were completely at their mercy, and it felt fucking heavenly. All you could do was lay there and take it while listening to their filth.

“We’ve been such good friends to you, bunny, I think we deserve a little thank you don’t you?” He snarled, thrusting his cock inside your abused cunt with a rough snap, making you whimper at the pain and pleasure. “Fuck, look at you, all spread out, taking our cocks. Our fingers, in all your holes like a good little slut.” He said, tugging his digits in and out at the same pace as his cock. Your eyes clouded and your jaw went slack as you struggled to scream. He repeated the movements driving you wild with the sensations. “our good little fucktoy.”

Both men were breathing heavily as their paces quickened. You didn’t know how much longer you could last, as they were pushing you closer and closer to the edge with every thrust of their hips. “Such a good girl.. fuck hngg..” San praises, throwing his head back at the feeling of you swallowing around his shaft. They both drilled their cocks into fast and rough while Seonghwa kept his finger lodged deep in your ass. “You’re ours and we can do whatever we want with your delicious holes okay Darling? Maybe even share you with the others... but not until we get our fill.”

The thought of all your friends fucking you at the same time almost pushed you completely over the edge, but you tried to hold out. Just last a bit longer. “Gonna let all eight of us fuck you at once bunny?” You cried out around San feeling tears pour out of your bloodshot eyes.

San suddenly barked. “fuck baby i need you to cum so Seonghwa can feel you clench around his cock like the filthy fucking slut you are and I can come down this fucking throat of yours..”

Immediately, you let go of the table, eagerly sliding it to your front. You quickly rubbed your clit making you push you right over the edge to your climax. But it wasn’t until Seonghwa growled out his next words that you truly let go and fell. “Come around me Bunny baby. Come for us.” His voice echoed with desperation almost like he was begging for you. A soothing whimper of need makes you let go.

Then, with a couple more driving snaps of both Seonghwa’s and San’s hips, they both tipped over the edge. You all came with a scream. For a brief moment, it felt like you were floating on a cloud.. a million miles away from your body. Weightless and surrounded by warmth and comfort.

Seonghwa let out a loud high pitched sound that sounded so angelic, you didn’t even know if you could call it a moan. But it was so beautiful and filthy it made your cunt clamp down on his cock. You could feel him twitch inside you, as his load spills out more, filling you with his warm cream. San came quickly after, emptying himself down your throat, letting you slowly swallow every drop he gave you. For a moment, you and the two men just basked in the pure blissfulness of pleasure. Seonghwa slowly slipped out, watching his cum leak from your pussy and drip down to the blankets beneath you.

Gently, Seonghwa detangled himself from you, guiding your leg slowly off his shoulder and onto the blanketed table while San pulled out of you and helped you lay your head on the oak furniture, giving you space to breathe. With the same tender care, Seonghwa eased his finger from your tight ass and pulled his cock out of your still-fluttering pussy. Seonghwa then slowly pulled up to sit up so he could wrap his arms around you, gathering you against his chest.You felt San’s hand firmly on your back as he leaned down to kiss your shoulder. 

And with your face tucked in the crook of Seonghwa’s neck, you couldn’t see either of their faces, so you didn’t know exactly what their expressions were but a simple ‘hmm’ got you began to speak, “We’re not just friends anymore are we?”

San just chuckled, patting your head, taking you and Seonghwa in his arms... “Fuck, Darling,” he mumbled on a deep exhale, “of course not. You're our girl now. If that's okay with you?”

You felt your heart swell over with happiness as you chuckled in delight. Your fingers dug into Hwa’s arm and reached to find Sans too. Neither of them tried to pull away, both only pressed close, groaning loudly like you were killing them. You pulled away, letting both men stand up properly to gaze at you. You kissed both of them. San first and Seonghwa. It was slow and sweet. But when you went back for another one with San you could feel it slowly turn as he licked your lips so his tongue slipped into your mouth. He kissed you possessively as Seonghwa bit softly on your collarbone. It left you gasping for air as you whispered against your friend’s lips. “belong to both of you, for as long as you’ll have me.”

[somecunttookmyurl]

Hey, you recently mentioned somewhere about how growing pains aren't really a thing the way we think of them in the tags about a post about taking kids' pain seriously. And i've been sitting on that ever since, as someone who had severe 'growing pains' growing up that'd take me out for days but was told to stick it out. Thing is, they never went away and despite hitting 30 soon I regularly google something like 'growing pain in 20s' with some regularity.

I've finally bit the bullet, done the doctor marathon, ended up at a rheumathologist and was like 'idk i've had pain my entire life i was told it was normal'. (Didn't go over well, but how could it have.) Despite him then noting hypermobility he's adamant hsd or heds aren't worth looking into. And now i'm sat here like. Well, was it ever growing pains?

Could you talk more about what you meant with the growing pains? My mind is not letting it go

'growing pains' is something doctors say to dismiss pain in teens and children a lot.

the fact is, yes, some children get pains that are temporary and ultimately harmless and not at all related to growing in fact we don't know why it happens

the other fact is it tends to be limited to the ages of approximately 3 to 11, yet doctors use it to dismiss pain in teenagers - who still do a lot of growing often very quickly (especially boys).

it affects mostly if not exclusively the legs (notably calves and shins) and worsens following physical activity. yet doctors will often use it to handwave away any and all musculoskeletal pain

so yes there is a type of pain children (but not really teens) can experience in their lower legs. but not a) the rest of the body b) long-lasting c) bad all the time and d) it has nothing to do with actually growing

and frankly given we "don't know" why it happens at all i'd bet decent money there actually is a cause for whatever pain happened even if it was temporary. like doing the three-legged race wrong.

edit: sorry skipped over the hypermobile part. for some people (i hate them personally) hypermobility is not painful. for most people it IS. this is for the simple fact that your ligaments and tendons (connective tissue) are too stretchy so they aren't holding your joints in place as well as they should. so you know what has to pick up your slack? your larger muscles. you know what is built for movement and not 24-7 activation to keep you assembled? your muscles. they're doing something they're not supposed to have to do, and they're doing it all the time and they are fucking tired. unfortunately (i have hypermobile EDS and didnt get diagnosed until i was 28) there is no "cure" for this. the only treatments are stabilisation - physical therapy to try and build up the smaller stabilising muscles and support garments or things like k-tape to take the load off the bigger muscles by providing external support. also massage and heat to relieve the tension and tiredness.

[linphd]

Getting caught in their room | NSFW Headcanons

gender neutral

-> As someone bursts in their room, they find you in their bed in a rather surprising situation. Obviously, all the characters are now in 3rd year.

-> Neito Monoma, Hitoshi Shinsou, Katsuki Bakugou.

Neito Monoma

Somehow luckily for you, you were in the 3B building and not Monoma in yours. Sure, he had been the one stupid enough to leave the door unlocked, so when Tetsutetsu walked in to ask to train with his friend, he was the one discovering you almost naked.

His scream obviously attracted others. Monoma quickly arrived -he had gone to Setsuna’s room to get some answers for homework he hadn’t done- and rushed everyone out of his room, telling you he « would get Shinsou involved so they forget. », « I… don’t think he can do that. » you replied.

You weren’t dating him. You just thought hatred made sex exciting and it had been a few months those several years of not standing him were finally benefiting you. So yeah, getting caught as -obviously- Neito Monoma’s booty call wasn’t really nice for you.

Surely he still had something done, because everyone in your class seemed unaware of this situation. It’s only when Shihai, during a joint training within the hero branch, after a little remark from the blonde, spat : « Ah ! At least I don’t sneak at night in campus to get laid. » that you got scared.

Monoma dropped his usual grin, looking genuinely confused. « I… don’t know what you’re talking about ? » making even Shihai disturbed. You checked the rest of 3B, and only a few of them glanced at you and then acted like nothing had happened. Well, surprisingly, Monoma was rather trustworthy with all of this !

Hitoshi Shinsou

It’s actually Denki that entered Shinsou’s dorm uninvited. You were usually very careful, never staying late in his room and him always locking the door. But it was New Year’s Eve, and you were both drunk and not careful the night prior.

You both jumped at the loud noise, waking up as Denki started to scream « HAPPY NEW Y- ohhhhh, you already spent a happy new year, I see…. » he giggled. « Fuck off. » sighed Shinsou, checking if you were still covered enough despite the fact he had pulled the blanket towards him.

« Oh my God, now I’m curious- » the blonde started. « Of course ! » you sighed as well. « Has it been going on for long ? » Shinsou nodded. « Are you guys dating ? » he added. « Uhhhh… not really ? We just don’t see anybody else. » you replied. « Ah ! So you date but don’t wanna say it. » the blonde commented.

Obviously, the noise attracted everyone walking by, unfortunately for Shinsou and you, both still naked under the blanket. « It makes sense. » Kirishima stated. « So much sense ! » Denki added. Sero started to imitate you « Oh, Shinsou, you became so much stronger ! Ohhhh, your quirk is so impressive ! »

Denki added another commentary to Sero’s impression : « When they were sucking his dick they were doing it for real too ! » All the boys laughed, making Shinsou throw a pillow at them -despite being rather amused. « Now get out so I can finally dress up. » you said, making them rush out.

Katsuki Bakugou

Obviously, you were the one dumbass leaving the door unlocked. First thing Kirishima said was « makes sense » when he saw you laying there, under the sheets, obviously naked, while Katsuki was brushing his teeth.

He immediately called the rest of the Bakusquad, each of them less shocked than the other. « That’s why his room was forbidden ; so we wouldn’t walk on (Y/N) naked. », « Ohhhh that’s why they have privileges and can make fun of him without consequences. », « Elementary my dear Sero, the consequences are in bed. » Mina added.

« CAN YOU ALL SHUT UP AT ONCE ?! » Katsuki yelled from his bathroom, not seeming really surprised at the discovery -still furious though. « That’s why you’ve been so calm compared to our 1st year. You didn’t grow up, you just weren’t a frustrated teen anymore ! » Denki commented.

« Sooooo…. Y’all have been dating since when ? » Mina asked. « Yep, surely not Bakugou would have a booty call. Now, spill the beans. » the blonde added. You sighed. « Since the beginning of this year. Now get out so I can change. » you replied, making them all leave.

However, you didn’t know that Katsuki’s behavior was just a facade. As soon as you went to shower, he stepped out of his room and exploded each of his friends’ face, making Denki dumb in the process. A few threats and explosions later, the whole rest of the school is still unaware of your relationship.

[lesbianrobin]

ok since people r very into my chris fic i shall share some of my random behind the scenes thoughts while writing it:

adriana has literally been waiting her entire life for her obviously gay older brother who joined the army to avoid his wife and then moved to los angeles to be a sexy firefighter to COME OUT ALREADY and by the time we meet her in this fic she is like Vibrating with the need to be like EDDIE IS GAYYYYYYY ARE YOU PEOPLE BLIND??? which is why it takes like absolutely zero prodding from chris for her to spill all of eddie's business. i think when eddie was little he was a very obviously gay little boy and as he grew up he learned how to Be Normal but adriana never forgot and she's like deeply sad about it.

chris is So fucking miserable at his grandparents' house he misses video games so bad. i couldn't find a way to really incorporate this without it feeling like a cheap "look he's a TEEN BOY" thing but yeah the second he gets back home he is slamming that headset on and gaming until eddie tells him he has to take a break or he'll burn his eyes out of his sockets.

there are a Lot of songs on buck and eddie's joint depression playlist that i listed and then cut for practicality's sake but if there's any like interest in that i could maybe put together + link the full playlist for y'all?

buck's "maddie" playlist is entirely music he listened to growing up bc it makes him think of her. as a younger sibling my music taste from birth to like. age fifteen ish. was just wholly whatever my older sister listened to and i think buck is the same way. i don't think buck necessarily listens to this playlist on his own very often but if he's hanging out with maddie and/or babysitting jee-yun he'll put it on because it makes him happy to enjoy some 90s/00s nostalgia with his best girls. sometimes he'll play it in the car when he's driving chris somewhere because he wants to carry forward some of those good memories he has with maddie with chris.

buck and eddie's texts were written in order to coincide with each other! eddie texts more frequently than buck but i think if you pay attention you can sometimes tell which days buck Also sent chris a text bc they match. some of them were sent specifically in the wake of very emotionally taxing shifts where they both wanted so badly to call chris and beg him to come home but they knew that wouldn't go well and they didn't want to make chris feel guilty so they tried to play it cool.

speaking of buck and eddie: i don't think that eddie's conversation with chris is necessarily the First step in eddie realizing he's gay or moving toward something romantic with buck. keep in mind that chris has been gone for at least two weeks by the time he talks to either of them, and buck and eddie spend the vast majority of their time together. this fic is restricted to chris' pov, and he has no way of knowing whether, say, buck and tommy broke up, or whether his dad has been thinking about some things differently since he's been gone. buck and eddie Also have to spend twelve hours in a car together just the two of them between the end of the fic and their reunion with chris. this is not me saying that buck and tommy DID break up or that buddie got together while chris was away (i don't actually have a solid "canon" for where they're at), just that i intentionally left space for a wide range of possibilities due to chris' limited knowledge of what's going on with them!!

i kinda intentionally did not delve too deeply into the psychology of the diaz parents here because i think their behavior is a bit inscrutable to chris. the vast majority of his memories of them are from when he was really little, and therefore i think he doesn't actually know them very well as people. he knows that there's some tension between them and eddie, but prior to this fic he never really bothered to question Why. all he knows is that his grandparents will probably come and get him if he calls, and that it'll hurt his dad's feelings, and in the immediate aftermath of the kim debacle that's all he cares about. once he's in el paso, he starts noticing some things that make him a bit uncomfortable, but he never does determine for sure what their motivations and opinions are about this whole situation, whether they're treating him a certain way bc he's the grandkid or bc of his cerebral palsy, and whether their treatment of eddie really does stem from homophobia or not. at the end of the day he's thirteen years old and i wanted to leave his grandparents' True Selves as a bit of a mystery because 1. i don't think They necessarily know why they do what they do and 2. i don't think there's any one answer that would be satisfying.

chris literally had zero intention of saying anything to eddie about the Gay Thing he just is very much thirteen years old and emotional and he fundamentally Trusts his father to never like. lash out at him for saying something like that. so he doesn't try too hard to hold it back and impulsively says Hey Dad Are You Gay Maybe because he's never gone so long without talking to his dad before and he's just bursting with thoughts and feelings. he's not even trying to do a buddie matchmaking thing it's just that the easiest way to make his argument is to be like (points at buck).

[mysoncookie]

BNHA Dabi-Centric fic recs

Artificial Parenthood, Affectionate Brotherhood by cereal_whore

Teen & Up, Gen, No Archive Warnings

Available on Ao3, On Going | Wordcount: 208,780

Has an On Going Series Called "Dabi says fuck the human species: artificial natural selection addition"

Summary: 22-year-old dabi switches place with ten-year-old touya todoroki in their timeline Bakugou, a single child with the social skills of an apathetic gamer, runs into a cellular mass of anxiety that vibrates the same murderous rage of a chihuahua. Said kid is as problematic as Bakugou himself, is a ginger, does not fear the laws of this land, and doesn't even seem to be from this land- or more accurately, time. Between Bakugou's homicidal urges, Todoroki Shouto's lack of filter, and God's middle finger, lies the Pandora's Box of the Todoroki's household secrets, in the form of a child named Touya Todoroki, who hates fish and has never heard of Minecraft. Todoroki Shouto just wants joint custody over his own older brother who's now inexplicably ten-years-old. So clearly, the only effective solution would be to force Bakugou to adopt him and all his other siblings. Meanwhile, Dabi, still in a world that never wanted him, learns that maybe an old dog can't learn new tricks (a truth he realises, when he finds himself reunited with a nine-year-old Shigaraki, who might not be past saving, the way he will be a decade later).

Lay Me on a Pyre (Sacrifice me for your sins) by RadioSilencer

General Audience, Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, On Going | Wordcount: 29,126

Summary: “Ah, and I hate to do this to you, but there’s a couple questions we have to ask since you’re awake now. Is that all right?” Wondering why his input was needed for that, Touya nodded. Anything they wanted. Whatever he could do to be less of an embarrassment. “Okay then, tell me if you need a moment whenever,” the woman started, “your name.” “Todoroki.” Even if he wished it wasn’t (and everyone else probably did too). “Todoroki Touya.” (A bystander loses control, and Todoroki Touya opens his eyes to a brighter world than he left behind.)

By Any Other Name by SatelliteBlue

Teen & Up, M/M, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 258,617

Has an On Going series called "Will you accept this rose?"

Summary: Through some freak accident of the universe, Dabi has been invited to compete on The Bachelorette. Have they actually seen his face? Surprisingly yes, and they still want him. For this season they apparently need a ‘bad boy’ to both balance out the hero contestant (why in hell is Hawks involved?) and to trash talk the show in interviews to appeal to audiences who don’t like the scripting. Getting sent on a vacation away from his annoying bandmates to complain and eat as much free food as he wants? Sold.

The Difference Between an Heir and a Son by ofHeartmateAndSoulbeats

General Audience, Gen, No Archive Warning Apply

Available on Ao3, On Going | Wordcount: 11,774

Summary: ...because if Enji had ever loved any of his children, it would have been Touya

Brother by Dreamy_Cel_100

Teen & Up, M/M, Graphic Depictions of Violence

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 79,561

Summary: Todoroki Touya has never known comfort. He just didn’t realize he wasn’t the only one. Or When Touya runs away, he decides to take his kid brother. And instead of joining villainy he attempts to create the home he never had.

Sins of the Father by kanekki

Teen & Up, M/M, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 32,411

Has a Complete Series called "the hellish todoroki family"

Summary: Shouto’s lower lip wobbles as he cries. “M-Momma hurt me and Father sent her away. I m-miss you Touya, please come home. It’s scary without you.”

“Alright,” Dabi says soothingly while he glares at the heroes, “We’re going to my place then. Your nii-san’s going to protect you now, okay?”

Shouto is accidentally rewound by Eri’s quirk in the middle of a villain attack, reverting him to a small child with no memories of his future. Dabi takes the opportunity to bring Shouto with him to the League of Villains headquarters to remove him from Endeavor’s clutches.

little brother, we are all grieving by jurassicqueer (kukurosaki)

Mature, Gen, M/M, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 29,561

Summary: When a teenager is dragged into a police station by someone with a self-proclaimed de-aging quirk, it seems too improbable that one of the most notorious villains in Japan could actually be reverted to a scrawny sixteen year old.

But then the blood tests come back, and the quirk labs hand in their results, and it seems that Dabi really is a teenager again- and claiming to be the dead Todoroki Touya, of all things.

OR: Touya never expected to wake up a wanted fugitive, but with his luck, he's hardly surprised.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

as per requested from my previous post I updated my fic recs on dabi and ofc I added the bachelorette au that y'all been talking about tnx to @attackontreason for recommending it ksksks

[cactusisconfused]

Cw- suggestive themes, no smut. Soap has shit gaydar.

-

John ‘Soap’ Mactivish is a proud and out bisexual man and has been aware of that since he was mid-teens.

He’s always been proud of his identity, never was one to shrink down from giving some homophobe a black eye- no matter how many suspensions he got.

He’s had a good few partners, men and women, enough to the point that he thinks he has a good understanding of how this all works.

The only problem is that he had the worse gaydar known to man.

One would think that given how long he’s been in the community he would get better at it, but nope.

So imagine his surprise when the hulking 6’4 lieutenant of his- whom he had presumed to be straight- shows up to a gay bar when the 141 found themselves with down time.

-

Soap had snuck off, whether to get a one night stand in or just a few drinks to wash away the ugly thoughts of their last mission, he isn’t sure and quite frankly, doesn’t care.

He’s maybe 3 glasses of scotch in, maybe four, when a tall ass man built like a fridge sits next to him at the bar. A black face mask sits on the bridge of the man’s Roman nose all the way to his chin. From what soap can see, the man has scars all over his face, some bigger, some smaller- but really what gets him is those brown eyes, framed just perfectly by blonde- almost white eyelashes.

Naturally, Soap spurs up a conversation, hoping the man may have a bed that might need a bit of extra warmth tonight.

The man looks at Soap for a long moment, with an almost calculating look. The man looks long enough to the point where Soap shifts slightly in his seat, worried that he over stepped and the man simply just wanted to drink and nothing more. Yet, to Soap’s mild surprise, the man nods, effectively standing up from his bar stool and laying a 20 out on the table for the bare tender.

The man is quick to start moving for the door, only to pause to look back at Soap.

“You coming here or at my place?” The man says in a deep gravely tone, enough that Soap feels like he can drown in. Soap quickly felt himself blush.

“Fuck off.” Is Soap’s clever retort as he quickly slides off the bar stool and makes his way to the man.

“That’s what I plan on doing.” The man responds simply and fuck, Soap could die here and forever be a happy man.

-

Soap felt like he could barely move the next morning, stretching like a cat on the soft sheets below him, taking count of all the joints that pop.

When he left arm doesn’t pop, he tries again, trying to coax it to pop. What he doesn’t except, as he moves his elbow, is to touch skin.

Quickly, fast enough to make himself dizzy, Soap looks at the man in the bed. His scarred, pale body is bare, the blankets just barely covering below his naval. His deep brown eyes are half lidded, looking up at the Scot.

“Morning to you too, Soap.” That gravelly voice hits Soaps ears like a siren’s melody and-

Wait-

“I never told you my name.” Soap say scrambling off the bed, his mind already set in mission mode. How does this man know who he is? Is he an enemy spy?

Soap’s mind runs through a thousand and one loops trying to figure what to do, when all that is broken by a quiet but hearty laugh from the man in the bed.

“You did, ‘bout seven months ago.”

Soap’s mind races. Seven months ago? That was during the botched mission in Las Almos and-…why is there a skull mask on that desk?

Soap blinks, now focusing on his surroundings. The man’s closet is slightly open, peaking out is almost entirely black apparel, including one navy blue jacket and a jacket with the words ‘Lieutenant Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley’ written on the back.

Slowly, he looks back at the man- at Ghost- who of which wears a smug smile on his bare face.

Maybe all that flirting over the past few months wasn’t just joke between guys….

“C’mon, I’m gonna make some bacon and eggs.” Ghost states as he pushes the covers off, only boxers on, and walks out the room.

Soap, finally blinking out of his stupor rushes afterwards, really hoping this won’t be a one time thing.

-

On this went longer than intended.

Also sorry that this didn’t get too spicy, I don’t write that kinda stuffs :/

[scoops-aboy86]

♠️♥️ once again! It's Halloween time and for the past month Steve has been chauffeuring the kids around for whatever they wanted (all with attitude of course) and he can't help the annoyance he feels dealing with them, especially Mike. Sometimes he and Eddie get together and talk about what little shits they are, and Halloween night the two get the idea to get a little revenge. All in good fun of course. They all gather at Steve's house and the two make the plan to get the kids (teens now wow) to leave their candy with him while Eddie distracts them and to basically fool them by making them think he ate it all. Of course he has backup candy bags (the good stuff; full size candy bars), but now he has to figure out where to dump their actual candy. He can't hide it because that's too obvious and he technically has to pretend to have eaten it all so Steve concludes to actually just eat it (a horrible idea really, but this was a last minute prank and the joint he smoked an hour ago doesn't help either).

With Eddie and the kids gone he gets started: flicks on a scary movie and settles into the couch, all six candy bags nestled by his side. Chocolates and gummies, licorice and skittles, little bags of treats slowly popped into his mouth. One after the other, Steve methodically unwrapping, chewing, and swallowing. After awhile the taste gets a little old so he cracks open a coke. He's halfway through the third bag when his stomach cramps, gurgling loudly from all the sugar and fizz. He shimmies a bit before unbuttoning his pants and continuing with the plan, telling himself it's all for the sake of revenge.

And again, he keeps going, lost in his own gluttony as he tries to pick up the pace before they get back. He's finally down to the last bag when he hears the van pull into the drive way and he bolts up, bloated gut groaning and sloshing. With clumsy hands he grabs the bags and bolts up to his room, locking the door, hiding the evidence and determined to finish the sixth bag. He can hear them in the living room and he's barely chewing as he shoves the candy down his throat, chugging coke to wash it all down.

With one last gulp, he's done it! But with it gone, and his gut too loud to ignore, he catches sight of himself in the mirror and he's positively potbellied. Unbuttoned jeans tight where his gut lays, his polo shirt having ridden up from where it once covered his deep set belly button, lips smeared with chocolate. He couldn't suck in if he tried 🙊 happy halloween!

Oh my god this is so funny, and my first thought is MIKE what did you DO? But it would have to be all of them, for him to target all their candy bags. (Not Erica’s, though. She’d legit slash his tires, and Eddie’s too for aiding and abetting.) But nothing genuinely hurtful, six parts because I like fluff and half a dozen because that would make this a pretty lame revenge. 

Oh! Oh I know… Added some cool (read: kinda nerdy) homemade Halloween costumes, because Eddie can sew and Steve’s is pretty easy, so it’s a little different from what you laid out. 5608 words! Thank you for the prompt, pal, this was a fun one. 

🔞

Always one thing after another with these goddamn kids, Steve swears. Sure, it’s not uncovering deadly monsters and government plots anymore… but they’re teenagers now, so it’s still always something. 

Today it’s wax fruit, a fake Oreo, and a plastic pickle snuck into his sandwich (that he had made, how the fuck…?) that looks like Mike must’ve stolen from one of Holly’s old play sets. 

And now, to top it all off, Dustin pretended to hurl and got him with fake vomit. 

It’s a rough April Fool’s day. 

But like, at least they aren’t actively making fun of him for the weight he’s gained since the Upside Down ordeals had ended for good. Everyone laughs just as hard when Mike gets Will with a wax apple, and that kid is still a string bean. 

“Mike needs to branch out from pranking people he has a crush on,” Eddie mutters darkly later that night, when it’s just the big kids having some good old-fashioned off duty babysitters time around the pool. 

Steve, confused, is about to ask what he means from behind his (fake pickle free) sandwich, but Robin coughs on a mouthful of beer so instead he has to pound on her back until some of it comes out her nose. 

“Jesus Steve, did you have to thump so hard?!”

“I thought you were choking!!” 

Robin sticks out her tongue and pushes him into the pool, and in his flailing attempts to avoid his fate Steve manages to snag Eddie and drag him in with him. 

Then Nancy sputters “Steve, again?” while laughing so hard that she can barely breathe. It reminds Steve of how he’d dragged her into the pool on purpose the first night they’d—

Steve’s cheeks flame immediately. He’s only actually told Robin how he feels (thinks he feels? is starting to feel?) about Eddie, but Nancy is smart and she knows him, he’s not shocked that she’s noticed. So he has to splash both her and Robin, obviously, before they give away anything. 

Unfortunately, Eddie takes the opportunity to latch onto him like a barnacle and pull him over, so Steve misses and douses Argyle instead, and—

—Steve still remembers, come October. He wants to get them back, but to do that successfully he’s going to need backup. Tough, with both Robin and Nancy off at college and Jon and Argyle back in California, but not impossible.

He swallows down his nerves and asks Eddie. No big deal, they hang out together practically every day these days. Practically best friends. Except… Steve hasn’t exactly told him the reason he doesn’t take girls out on dates anymore. 

“A revenge prank, you say,” Eddie murmurs, hands in front of his mouth and fingertips drumming together in intrigue. He’s sprawled in one of Steve’s kitchen chairs with one leg over a wooden arm like no one ever taught him how to sit like a human. It should be ungodly uncomfortable, but the dude looks perfectly at ease. Weirdo, Steve thinks affectionately. “I like it. Do you have anything in mind, or are we brainstorming?”

“Brainstorming,” Steve confirms, and they relocate to the living room and get to smoking about it over bowls of the spaghetti bolognese he just finished making. 

Eddie’s condition for helping is that they plan matching Halloween costumes, and since they both know the boys are pulling their old props out of closets and attics to suit up as the Ghostbusters again, it’s not difficult to decide on a theme. 

“No no no, we can’t be the Gatekeeper and the Keymaster,” Steve protests with a laugh, waving his hand through the smoke in the air. Since he’s currently holding the joint, the motion paints all new swirling shapes before them. 

“Why not?” Eddie squawks, and steals the joint back before it can ash anywhere unfortunate. 

“Because you have the hair to play Sigourney Weaver, but I could never pass for Rick Moranis. It totally wouldn’t work, man.”

“Dude, work with me here! What else are we going to be, Gozer and the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man?”

“I…” Steve pauses. He’s seen Ghostbusters, and remembers the Gozer the Gozarian costume from the end of the movie. Can he turn down an opportunity to see Eddie in a nude body stocking and heels? “… Yeah, okay.”

Apparently not. Can he survive it? Remains to be seen, but he’ll find out eventually. 

“Wait, really?” A disbelieving grin spreads across Eddie’s face, making both dimples pop. “You’d put on the little hat, sailor’s collar, and neckerchief for me, Stevie?”

And it’s not that Steve didn’t register the other half of the deal, but he doesn’t really mind. High as he is at the moment, his hand drifts to the belly he’s put on since high school—the munchies keep hitting him in waves and he’s already finished most of the would-be leftovers from the pot in the kitchen, so he’s a little bloated right now. He giggles and gives himself a pat. “I mean, why not? I’m in shape for it, aren’t I?”

The pat knocks loose a burp that sneaks up and out of his mouth as soon as he’s finished talking, but Eddie laughs so brightly that Steve forgets to be embarrassed. 

“I’ve got it,” Eddie gasps once he’s pulled himself together again. “Steve. Steve, you could be the one hundred foot marshmallow man summoned to destroy… their Halloween candy.”

“Destroy it?”

“Yes! It’ll be your revenge for all that fake food! I can be a distraction, while you confiscate all their hard-earned, tooth-rotting treats. They come back—oh no, they’ll weep!”

“Weep?” Steve snorts. Eddie rolls his eyes. 

“They’ll weep, Who stole our candy? Who could have done such a thing? With much gnashing of teeth. And you make your appearance, maybe smear some chocolate sauce around your mouth to really sell it, and say, That’s what you get for all that wax fruit.”

“I guess I could do that,” Steve says slowly. When Eddie offers him the joint again he accepts, taking a hit absently as he mulls it over. “Kinda mean though, stealing their candy. Waking all over the place to get that stuff is a lot of work.”

Eddie shrugs. “Get ‘em candy from the store. The full-size bars and shit. Then once they’ve learned their lesson, they can have that; everything’ll be fine and you get your own trick-and-treat stash. Oh—” he flails with excitement at another idea, and Steve can’t help the way it stirs butterflies in his already full stomach to see all that enthusiasm on his behalf—“but before you do, if Dustin gives you shit, you gotta say something like, What, are you so sad you could puke, Dusty-buns? That’ll show him.”

It makes Steve laugh, a warm feeling growing in his chest to know that they’re good enough friends for Eddie to come up with zany schemes on his behalf. He already knows he’ll go through with it, if Eddie is serious. 

Several weeks later it’s Halloween, and the plan is set. Everyone (minus Erica, who’s trick-or-treating with friends her own age instead) is coming over after making their rounds through the neighborhoods, and Eddie will take them all to the haunted corn maze at one of the local farms. Steve, meanwhile, will hide their candy and pretend to have eaten it by the time they return. 

It’s a great plan. Eddie comes over around sundown to do some pre-celebrating in the form of hotboxing Steve’s bedroom before all the kids in Hawkins start ringing the doorbell at any house with a front light on. 

And Steve feels like he’s been hit between the eyes with a brick when he opens the door to Eddie’s knocking, because wow. 

That is Eddie. With his hair up. Wearing a nude bodysuit covered in plastic baubles and white feathers. When he blinks, his eyelids are dark red with eyeshadow, just like Gozer’s eyes in the damn movie. And all Steve did was fish out a few elements of his old Scoops uniform—not the one he’d been interrogated by Russians in, he and Robin had burned both of those outfits after Starcourt—and put them on over a white sweater and white pants. 

Eddie leaps across the threshold, strutting around in… oh god, he is wearing heels. Steve has to look up slightly to meet his gaze, and it makes him want to lean in even more than he usually always lowkey does. 

“Gozer the Gozerian,” Eddie howls, baring his teeth in a feral grin as he continues to announce, “Gozer the Destructor, Volguus Zildrohar, the Traveller has come!” He jabs a finger towards Steve demandingly. “Choose, and perish!”

Somehow, Steve manages to keep his composure—maybe from all the practice he’s had. He puts his hands on his hips and raises his eyebrows. “I thought I’m the one destroying stuff tonight. Isn’t that the Marshmallow Man’s whole job?”

“Aw, Stevie,” Eddie starts, looking him up and down and… getting distracted for some reason. 

Steve glances down at himself, worried that maybe he’s gotten something about his sweater, but no. And he can’t see anything on his pants either, unless it’s just under where his belly pooches out over the top of his pants and makes it hard to see—he’s made his peace with that, but it makes him nervous now. “So, uh, are we gonna smoke or what, man? Do you even have pockets in that, um… outfit?”

Whatever it was that had snagged Eddie’s attention, he shakes himself out of it to shoot Steve an exaggeratedly put-upon pout. “Sir Stay Puft, you dare question a god? Of course I have pockets.” He reaches towards where the over-layer of fluffy decoration is thickest winding up his torso—the left side, where Steve knows his scars are also the most prominent, even after a year and a half. Turns out there’s a cleverly hidden zipper pouch beneath it, and Eddie produces two roll-ups and a zippo with a cheeky grin. 

So they’re definitely both decently stoned by the time the kids come by. The four original Party members are in their Ghostbuster suits, as expected: Will as Winston, Dustin as Egon, Lucas as Ray, and Mike as Venkman. El has her short but growing out hair curled and a guitar case slung across her back (presumably because no one had seen fit to let the kids borrow a cello, which was for the best). Max, in her wheelchair, is green from head to waist and styled to look like Slimer on top of the hotel maid cart from the movie. 

“Oh shit,” she crows when she registers Steve and Eddie’s costumes. “Okay, you nerds are definitely outnumbered in terms of ghost power now. Looks like I chose the right side.” 

The three of them exchange high fives, before Steve insists on getting pictures. “You know your mom will love it,” he says pointedly to Dustin. “And since she cooks me dinner more often than any of you—”

“I cook for you sometimes,” Eddie pipes up. Which is true. But mentioning Mrs. Henderson’s cooking has already reminded Steve’s high brain that he hasn’t eaten much since Eddie arrived, not wanting to get spills or crumbs on his glaringly white outfit, so Steve just waves him off, distracted. He feels his stomach give a quiet little grumble. 

“Yeah yeah, I know you do. I’m talking to the twerps.”

“We’re not—”

“Anyway,” Steve says loudly over Mike, clapping both hands together, “come on people, pictures! Everybody! Let’s go!”

They manage to get a few shots of the entire group using the timer feature on Steve’s parents’ fancy camera (that they’ve never used). He has no idea if any of them will be any good from the way he can hear Eddie muttering encouragement for everyone to strike weird poses right before the flash goes off, but at least they’ll be funny. Poses are much more encouraged for the rest of the photos, featuring the Ghostbusters battling their different ghostly opponents. El seems a little annoyed that she doesn’t have anything in particular to do, and thankfully no one suggests that she try to act out Dana possessed by Zuul—that’d be a little too close to home. 

So the last couple shots are of El fending off all three ghosts with her ‘cello’ case, delightedly shouting “Get away from her, you bitch,” no matter how many times the boys try to explain that yes that was Sigourney Weaver, but in a different movie. 

And then—

“Okay,” Eddie says loudly, clapping his hands and winking unsubtly at Steve, “who’s up for the haunted corn maze? Gozer is granting you lame little mortals a ride too and from, otherwise my associate Mr. Stay Puft here will be free to step on you with impunity—”

Ten chaotic minutes later, Steve is alone in a house full of candy and an empty stomach. He rubs absently at it while dumping all the kids’ candy bags out on the kitchen island counter. As he goes, he makes backup bags to send them home with—plain brown paper, the same ones he always used to take his lunches to school in—and matches every  fun-sized bar he dumps out with a full-sized bar he drops in. 

If he hesitates on a few of his favorite kinds of candy, no one has to know. Mostly, though, his thoughts are a mix of Claudia Henderson’s lasagna and wishing he were at the haunted corn maze with Eddie. He’s taken dates to the haunted maze before, it’s not that hard to find a dark corner where no one would realize it’s a guy he’s trying to woo, especially with the form-fitting Gozer costume thrown into the mix… But, well, they’ve spent a decent amount of extra time together while plotting this—read: getting high and congratulating each other on being so devious and smart—and that will have to do for now.

When alternate bags are all done, he grabs a Coke from the fridge and slurps at it while sorting the remaining candy into different bowls: one for just chocolate, one for nuts, one for nuggat, one for toffee, one for sour, and one for the rest. And then… he takes them all out to the living room couch, along with a new six-pack of Cokes. Fully aware of what he’s doing, but still floaty enough from the weed that he’s not really sure when he made the decision. 

The plan was to stash the stolen candy and share it with Eddie later, but he’s hungry. Probably won’t finish it all, anyway. There will still be some—and even if there’s not, he can always buy more. Doesn’t care right now, he’s hungry. He hasn’t eaten since, like… lunch. 

And, fine, yes, his weight has really gotten away from him, especially lately. He’s spent all summer whenever he wasn’t working lounging by the pool in his backyard, working on his annual tan while completely unbothered by danger beyond forgetting to apply enough sunscreen. Relaxing. Snacking. Drinking, sometimes beer but most commonly pop. He gets to do this now, he’s earned it, and he’s really enjoying himself. 

Steve settles himself amongst the candy bowls with a VHS in the player and a hand on his belly. It’s so soft and squishy, he usually ends up touching it one way or another these days; now, he feels all over the way it spills into his lap a little, kneading at it like a stress ball. With his other hand, he reaches for a Snickers bar and melts into the couch as it hits his tongue. 

Most of the trick-or-treat candy is small for each one to fit in his mouth in one go, and anything larger is a challenge that he meets with happy enthusiasm. 

After that initial bite, he starts with his least favorites, wolfing them down to get it over with and washing each mouthful down quickly with a Coke chaser. When he gets to the stuff he likes okay he lets himself slow down, still going at a steady pace but allowing himself to really taste and only popping a new Coke can as a palate cleanser when his mouth feels thick with chocolate and other layers of sweetness.

He’s no longer hungry at this point, but he’s not full, either. Maybe a little pinched though, so he sucks his fingers clean, shifts around a bit and leans until he can get at his waistband, and unbuttons his pants with a sigh. Stroking the red lines of his tummy as he reaches for a Three Musketeers, barely aware that it juts out a little more every time he frees it from his jeans these days. 

This is where he pauses to revive the tail end of the second joint he and Eddie had started just before the kids came over, sinking into the high and further into the couch with a pumpkin-shaped bowl balanced on his soft chest. He pours the little packets of M&Ms and Skittles into his mouth at the same time, just to see how it tastes, and it’s weird but he doesn’t hate it. Does that with the rest of them to try and decide if he likes the combo, and whines a little (he’ll never admit it) when they run out before he can reach a conclusion. The pumpkin-shaped bowl is empty. 

As Steve gets to his favorite candies (these in a regular white bowl, it matches his outfit) he picks up speed again. Somehow the movie is almost over, he’s hardly even watched it, and there’s only so much time left before Eddie’s van rumbles up into his driveaway again. He’s unwrapping the next two candies while still chewing, barely taking breaths between bites, trying to hurry and relishing every second of his impromptu and very unhealthy feast. 

He’s so enraptured with the unending parade of sweetness on his tongue, the constant chewing and swallowing and chewing and swallowing, that he almost misses the telltale sounds outside. (The movie is over, nothing of interest showing on the TV screen, when did that happen?) Frantic, he sweeps as many wrappers as he can out of his lap before going to stand up. It takes him a few tries, he’s so sunken into his spot, and when he finally manages it, red-faced and puffing and buzzing with adrenaline and sugar rush and the remaining high, he has to put a hand under his full, heavy belly in order to move around comfortably. Not quite cramping, not quite stuffed, just… a really satisfying stretch. 

But guess who doesn’t have time to enjoy it! God, he fucking hates being rushed these days. 

Eddie has a key. They’ll let themselves in, so all Steve has to do is get to his bedroom with the last of his stolen haul and two remaining Cokes from the six-pack. He gets there, barely, before he hears the front door swing open, hustling so fast up the stairs that the motion keeps jostling burps from between his chocolate-smeared lips. And then he’s in, sagging back against the closed door. Candy bowl clutched up by his chest and pops set on the floor nearby to get one open and bring it to his thirsty mouth. 

Okay, so maybe his exercise regimen has gotten a little bit lax lately. Maybe all he usually does is walk between his bedroom, the living room, the kitchen, and his car. Maybe he still sweats just as much despite getting around a lot less, because it costs him more effort than it used to…

No time to think about that, Steve tells himself dazedly. He needs to finish. The last of the candy is already unwrapped; he pushes the empty wrappers aside and grabs a handful, undiscriminating as he crams it in his mouth. One mouthful, then a second with hardly time to swallow, breathing hard through his nose. The treats act as a natural gag for his whimpers, fullness finally catching up to him, squirming on his padded ass with a muffled groan as the sensation sends a bolt of lighting straight south. Another handful, that’s basically the last of it, and he washes it down by chugging desperately at his Coke. Finishes it, claps a hand over his mouth to contain an inevitable belch—luckily, it’s covered by the start of indignant shouting from the living room. 

And he knows the scene he’s left. Trick-or-treat bags scattered haphazardly around the kitchen, empty. The living room couch littered with empty bowls and empty wrappers. Destruction at the hands (and mouth) of Mr. Stay Puft.

His jaw hurts, but there’s only a little bit left. Just a little more, and he finds that he wants it. Wants to finish the challenge… No, the prank, this is… to get the kids back… He feels so hazy between the pot and his overfull state, tipping the very last of the candy into his mouth and chewing with his mouth open, head tipped back against the door, exhausted. And then dutifully reaches for the last can of Coke, opens it, and pours that down his throat too. Breaks away from the lip of the can with a weak cry and another series of burps, even starting to hiccup which makes him whimper and clutch at himself, overheated and churning gut too loud to ignore and too tight in his skin, or maybe in his clothes, or both, he just—

“Steve?” Eddie calls through the door, sounding a little uncertain. “Karen just picked up half the kids and Joyce got the other half, I gave them all the replacement candy already. Are you… You good in there?”

“Eds,” he pants, groans, hiccups. “Je—hic—Jesus, I’m so.” He carefully lays both hands on either side of his distended belly in an attempt to soothe it. “I, I did it, I ate—urrrrrrp, fuck—ate all of it. Did it, Eddie. I’m so… Feel like I’m gonna explode…”

And he does, an overheated tingly sort of feeling washing through him in waves, his heartbeat pounding in his stomach and his ears and his dick. Not the first time it’s happened, the way he eats, but he’s gone all out tonight and the sensation of being ready to pop has seeped from his stomach to also encompass his hard-on. Part of him wants to keep going, but he doesn’t have anything else, couldn’t possibly fit any more down his throat, but he wants to do something.  Needs it. Needs…

“Eddie,” he groans, “he—hic—elp me.”

He can feel Eddie trying the door, but with Steve’s weight leaning against it there’s no way it’ll open. “Uh, I’m trying, I can’t…”

Laboriously, Steve kind of… rolls himself to one side, enough to haul himself onto his knees. He has to pause there, and again when he drops down onto his hands, and again after he crawls forward the barest few inches. Eddie tries the door again and it swings right into the meat of Steve’s ass, slapping against the tight denim and making Steve cry out, making him wobble and sway with a fresh wave of arousal that he absolutely didn’t expect but can’t help reveling in. He wants to drop down right there, he’s so tired and achingly horny, but knows instinctively that he can’t land on his belly like that. So he soldiers through, digging deep just to finish crawling to one side and slump against the plaid wallpaper instead. 

He breathes shallowly and waits for Eddie to come help him. 

The first look Eddie gets of Steve makes his eyes damn near pop out of his skull. Steve looks positively pot-bellied, spilling over his unbuttoned, unzipped pants like that, his belly button half uncovered and deep. Couldn’t suck in if he tried. He has chocolate and traces of candy-coating color all over his face and smeared on his sweater from all the times he’d thought he’d sucked his fingers clean but not quite, rubbing whatever was still on them into the fluffy knit. Messy, telling smudges at the bottom hem where he’d absently tried to pull the shirt down throughout his binge. It didn’t work; there’s a chocolate-smudged lip of far more than a mere muffin top bulging out the bottom, resting on his thighs. Jesus H. Christ, it almost looks like he’s doubled in size since Eddie last saw him a few hours ago, was there really that much candy in the kids’ bags?!

Eddie’s shoe knocks against an empty can as he enters the room, sending it spinning, and he supposes that’s his answer. It must be the combined efforts of candy and carbonated syrup water that have Steve so bloated, fizzing away in there. 

When he’d first walked in a few hours ago and seen Steve in costume, his breath had caught in his throat mid sentence. Super embarrassing, but what was he supposed to do? One minute they’d been talking about costumes, so stoned and loose-tongued that Eddie had suggested they be the goddamned Gatekeeper and Keymaster—characters that had canonically fucked, just left of onscreen! Next, it was weeks later (and he hadn’t actually blacked out all the time in between, it just felt that way for a second) and his current best friend and longtime crush opened the door in a tight sweater and pants that looked painted on, wearing a jaunty little hat atop his magnificent head of hair. The words well hello there sailor had lined up on his tongue like pirates ready to walk the plank. He’d had to think very hard about how many times he’d accidentally stabbed himself with a needle while sewing the ‘ghostly’ accents onto his costume, just to avoid popping a boner right there in Steve’s foyer. 

There’s just so much of Steve these days. So round, and all of his clothes perpetually tight. And Eddie’s been jerking off to the thought of this happening ever since they came up with this plan, imagining how the siren call of all that candy might make Steve’s mouth water, get his stomach rumbling, make him think that it wouldn’t hurt to have just one then taking another and another and another, insatiable… He just hadn’t expected it to actually happen.

“Eddie,” Steve groans again, looking up at him with pleading, bloodshot eyes. “I’m so full, n-need your help.”

“What can I do?” He drops down into a crouch in front of him immediately. “I’m right here, Stevie. What do you need, sweetheart?”

Okay, he needs to cool it with the pet names. Luckily Steve is already pawing at himself, looking so blazed he might not have even heard. “M’too, m’too hot Eds. Gotta get this off, get… off…”

Jesus H. Christ. 

So Eddie helps him out of the sailor collar and no longer pristine sweater. He tries not to stare but his eyes go wide when he realizes how much it was compressing. Steve groans in relief as it comes off and his entire upper half seems to puff out a little bit more, all covered in thick chest hair. Eddie wants to dig his fingers into it, into all of it, but he has to stay focused. 

Next are the pants, which Steve whines for Eddie to do and then whines more as he’s forced to lift his heavy ass, rock back and forth as Eddie drags the unforgiving fabric down, huffing and puffing between hiccups and burps and mewls of discomfort. Eddie’s dick is about to burst off and start running laps around the room for fuck’s sake, his hands are shaking he wants to touch so badly. Soothe away the stomach ache, tell him how amazing he did, finishing all that candy. Murmur in his ear, ask if that makes the revenge so much sweeter…

To make matters worse, the jeans take Steve’s boxers with them, elastic in the waistband already stretched to the point of uselessness, and Eddie can see so much. Too much, for his composure, as Steve’s cock slaps up against the underside of his belly. 

They both moan at that and Steve turns his head to look at Eddie full on with reddened eyes, tremors running through him that only give him more tantalizing friction against his hairy gut and prompt his hips to rock faster. He’s so blissed out that he doesn’t even break eye contact, just reaches blindly to grab Eddie’s hand and guides it down between his legs, rings and all, where he’s already slippery with precome and sweat and half sliding down the wall to help with holding his own belly out of the way. 

“Holy shit,” Eddie breathes, captivated by the desperate heat in Steve’s gaze. He strokes, reverent but quick. “Holy shit, holy shit Stevie…”

“Eddie,” Steve moans. His eyes roll back, his entire head going with them to thunk against the wall. “L-like that, fuuuck—hic—Oh god, keep, keep doing that, more, Eds, more, I—”

Eddie dives forward and shuts him up with a desperate kiss. He already knows that Steve is going to cause him to ruin this damn Gozer costume he worked so hard on—in the hopes of impressing Steve, actually. Which he must have done, from the way Steve kisses back like he wants to devour him, like even after all that candy Eddie is the sweetest thing he’s ever tasted and never wants to be without again. 

Someone has definitely been impressed, and maybe Eddie will have to revisit the possibility of a god or something when he can think again because kissing Steve is heaven. Just… absolutely worth all the pining, even if it never happens again. 

Then Steve goes almost completely slack, breaking the kiss with a wail as he comes in thick, pulsing ropes over Eddie’s fist. His only movements are his legs (thick, biteable, trembling so hard to either side of Eddie’s hips they fall only to jerk up in little spasms as his toes curl) and his mouth (plush lips bitten and messy, twisting into shapes of wordless ecstasy). 

And Eddie has seen Steve relax, seen him indulge… seen him eat steadily through a large spread of snacks while lounging by the pool all summer in a Speedo with a sleepy, content look on his face, but this is the first time he’s really seen him let go. Lost in pure bliss. 

He’s barely thinking when he brings his come-slick hand up, thumbing through the chocolate in the corner of Steve’s mouth before sinking the digit inside. Coming himself, the instant after Steve eagerly closes around it and sucks, licks, drools all over his hand to get it all. Shuddering harder when Steve grips weakly at his wrist and continues laving over each finger one by one, slow but thorough, eyes open and dazed but tracking Eddie’s face. 

Until they’re both still, other than Steve letting out the occasional drowsy hiccup. Eddie’s fingers smooth over his parted lips, receiving faint kitten licks now and then as though Steve just can’t help himself. His other hand cradles the side of Steve’s bulging fullness, gentle against the duality of soft and immovable, in awe that he gets to touch. A part of him is still reeling that this happened at all, that he gets to see Steve so sated and sleepy and bare—except for one sock that’s managed to stay on his foot. 

Jesus H. Christ. Steve’s naked and they’re in his bedroom and they didn’t even make it to the bed.

“Do you, um. Want to lay down?” Eddie whispers. He can feel his face growing hot from the lameness of that question… Steve is practically on his back where he is, enough that he might not be able to see his feet. 

Steve nips at his pointer finger, blinking lazily with a little groan of contentment. “Does that mean I have to move,” he mumbles, but gamely begins to sit up. Eddie, from his crouch, shifts immediately to the side to help him, supports Steve’s back as he huffs his way towards semi-upright against the wall. “Urp—mm, thanks Eds.”

“No problem.” And Eddie doesn’t know why he’s whispering like he’s in a fucking library instead of kneeling in Steve Harrington’s bedroom with jizz sticky and cooling on the inside of his fucking body suit, but he doesn’t want to break whatever spell or dream that’s allowed this to happen. Wants to hold onto Steve a little bit longer, coaxing out little groans of contentment through belly rubs. 

Steve gives Eddie the sweetest smile, sleepy and sated. “Felt so good. Still feels good. Did you…” A flicker of uncertainty crosses his face. “Was it good? Was I good?”

And Eddie just can’t let that doubt linger another second. “You were perfect, sweetheart,” he replies immediately, rubbing slow, soothing stripes along Steve’s side. “Fucking amazing. Move over, Mona Lisa, there’s a new masterpiece in town and his name is Steve Harrington.”

That earns him a laugh, cut off quickly when Steve clutches at his belly with a groan. “O-overdid it. Mm… ‘S fine, ‘s just… a lot.”

“Certainly looks like it.” He leans forward and presses a kiss just north of Steve’s belly button, can’t help cradling it with both hands and rubbing soothingly. “Let’s get you up, okay? Get you in bed.”

Soon enough Eddie has him cleaned up and tucked in. 

“Stay?” Steve sighs, already more than half asleep. 

So Eddie shucks his costume and climbs under the covers behind him, chuckling as Steve sluggishly reaches back and tugs Eddie’s arm over himself, demanding to be snuggled. 

And that’s more or less how they wake up in the morning. 

“Eddie,” Steve says through a yawn, subtly rubbing his naked ass back against Eddie’s naked front. There’s a teasing note in his voice as he continues, “I’m hungry.”

Secure now in the knowledge that this is neither a dream nor some kind of trick, it’s a morning treat that Eddie just can’t resist.

Permanent tag list (ask to be added): @hotluncheddie @lawrencebshoggoth @tangerinesteve @sofadofax

[blood-grove]

HOLY HELL? JEEZ GUYS I just saw all the notifs im glad you guys like the second part! <3 i wanted to drop some personally headcanons for the au

also if your seeing this my fic is here ! its about retired dads!soapghost and there newly adopted gn!reader

->Soap is hard of hearing! Being a demolitions expert was gonna catch up with him eventually. He used to try and hide it and avoid it altogether but nowadays he's a bit more open about too close family.

His siblings lighthearted tease him about it now since he's comfortable. It isn't totally hearing loss in his ear but its enough to need a hearing aid.

-> Ghost has a bit of a limp in his step now, There not that old but of course after years of fighting something was bound to give ad it did he broke his leg a few months into retirement while working on the roof that he of so stubbornly said he'd fix.

He wasn't comfortable with some stranger visiting there home and or multiple strangers coming to there home he felt like he could do it.

While he could admittedly despite it all he picked up a bit of interest in home fixing mainly the basics he learned even more as they came close to their retirement.

He wanted to be self-sufficient and wanted to be Johnnys' helpful husband.

But he had to fuck it up, Now that he's healed his leg gives him issues here and there but on some days he can get around just fine on others especially during the rain his joints act up.

-> Soap and Ghost have been happily married for 2 years now! Do you know who proposed first? Ghost!. He totally didn't want to pass out and throw up at the same time as he got one shaky knee and palms sweaty as he barely managed to make his words heard under his mask. Soap nearly barreled him down with how much of a mix of emotions he was trying to process as he said 'Yes'.

Ghost had been nervous through the weeks leading up to it, Asking Soap's Mother for her permission, Finding the perfect spot to pop the question.

There wedding was small stuck to Soap's immediate family even so it was pretty big (saving 2 chairs empty) , Of course they invited the rest of the 141 Laswell included inviting them months ahead.

They were able to stay for a while got caught up with each, drank, and just had fun. Simon had never felt so care free.

-> Simon and John of course went through a lot of therapy after retirement, Both of them having their own lucky little bottles of medicine in their shared bathroom. They had thought about adopting or having a kid through surogate.

They decided on adoption because it'd be cheaper plus they weren't sure if they were up to taking care of an infant, They went with adopting a pre-teen just around the age that they wouldn't do something like stick there finger or forks in outlets or burn themselves on the stove.

Soap still put outlet caps on them though.

-> Simon was nervous to be a parent he was just down right terrified that you would dislike him, think hes weird , or worse be afraid of him.

He's not a all a short or slender guy and that hasn't changed after retirement. His resting bitch face and his mask he'd traded his balaclava with a year back. He was sure he didn't look friendly to approach (which he appreciates sometimes) He wanted to look approachable to you.

But it seemed all that worrying was for nothing the first time you both met you asked about Riley albeit hesitantly, He guessed Soap told you about her.

He was open to talking bout her and you were open to listening.

(dsjvahhdadskaj sorry if there ooc </3)

[richeeduvie]

I'm imagining the first time Roman and Baby got high after having Baby jr must have been a trip. Like both of their tolerance was the lowest it's been since they were teens cause Roman also went off weed too in support of Baby even tho she didn't ask. He acts like she forced him tho. They're giggling so hard and spinning and then suddenly Roman goes from 😁 to 😐 and is like "um, I think I need to lay down and you need to rub my stomach"

"Look at that."

Roman giggles into Baby's stomach. They're on the couch, a high mess of a couple. They stare at Baby Jr, her just...being a newborn. A tiny, tiny newborn. She's a good few feet away in a car seat.

"A perfect fucking weirdo. How the fuck did I put that inside you?"

"How did she almost come out dying?"

Roman's smile drops. Instantly. Baby feels it in her stomach. Even high, she knows that wasn't the greatest thought to think under the smoke.

"Why the fuck would you say that?"

"Look at her. She's so alive. Our alive little baby."

Baby Jr makes this little coo. Roman groans.

"I feel sick. Sicky Daddy. I'm a sicky Daddy because why is she cooing like that. Why can't she just scream? That's easy. I'll just scream and thrash my head against the glass at that."

Roman blinks. Baby closes her eyes and leans her head back.

"You need to rub my stomach."

"What?"

"Rub my stomach. Joint-taking doesn't make you Helen Keller. You heard me. Rub my sto-"

Roman hacks. Fuck. It's like he's a newbie. He needs Baby to rub his stomach. Or maybe he can just keep staring at his newborn to make sure she's breathing.

He leans his head back when Baby indulges him with a stomach rub. She smiles at her baby.

"Sicky Daddy's cosplaying as a baby in preparation for you."

"I'm not opening my eyes. Is she breathing?"

"Yes. Jesus."

"I think I have a cavity."

[ineffectualdemon]

In experiencing grief about my disabilities again

Knowing there was a time when I could still go outside independently and move about freely... and then an after... hurts

It also hurts to realise how badly life was stacked against me

I remember being twelve and reading about juvenile arthritis and feeling like it was so close to how I felt in my body except I didn't get visible swelling in the joints.

I didn't tell anyone and decided I was being a hypochondriac and, correctly, that no one would believe me anyway.

But two years later I was noticeably lethargic and constantly exhausted

The constant joint pain was low but it wasn't new. That's when other people started to notice something wasn't quite right

I still wasn't diagnosed with fibromyalgia until my 20s

(Its worth noting that fibromyalgia is now classed as a type of juvenile arthritis. That was not the case in 1996)

By the time I was diagnosed and started to be fucked around by the system the chronic pain had already made a home in my body

It didn't help I threw my back out for the first time a week before my wedding and repeatedly after that

But I had been in constant pain since I was a child

I don't know life without pain and because no one took me seriously as a child the pain found a place to live inside me and I was never going to escape it

And there is grief in that

There is also both profound gratitude and horror at realising that if I hadn't googled red dwarf when bored after Christmas at as a teenager I wouldn't have met my husband. I wouldn't have gotten married at 20 and moved countries. i wouldn't have had support and someone who believed me. I wouldn't have the NHS which, for all it's flaws, did diagnose me and didnt fleece me at the same time

If I hadn't gone on the red dwarf fan forum as a bored teen I probably wouldn't be here posting this

And that's amazing and I'm so grateful things went this way. But I'm also horrified at how easily it could have gone wrong

Idk I feel a lot of things

[comfymoth]

bro watching hockey is a disease, i thought that post about your OCs in a QPR was about real life men..... and the worst fucking part, i agreed that those two real life men could be in a qpr.

anyways, please PLEASE tell me more about your OCs seeing you post about them brings me a lot of joy (this sounds odd, considering the first part of the ask, but this is the first time i have made that connection)

HELP???? IM GONNA CRY, THAT’S SO FUCKING FUNNY……….. hockey rpf really IS inescapable

i’m so glad people wanna hear me talk about em, cos i love talking about em!! they’re just my silly little guys :3 and bugsy’s silly little guys. our joint custody guys

as far as quinn and leon go, they’ve been together for…. four years maybe? since about junior year of high school. and it’s been the longest and most stable relationship either of them have ever been in. even before they were a thing, quinn got leon through a lot of his early teen angst, so she’s pretty much always been his rock. she’s gotten him through a fair share of breakups, too, including at least three “breakups” with milo— leon likes the idea of dating, but at the end of the day, even if that never worked out for him he’d be fine. this is all he really needs.

[crazylittlejester]

I just remembered something I wanted to tell you about the monster au. Um hope it makes sense. It’s mainly about Legend because I’ve just mostly finished thinking up his lore. Wars is mentioned tho cause I’ve accidentally made him basically the main character of this silly AU so I can’t help but not include him. Te he oops 🧍‍♂️

So, for most of the Links that are monsters, they were born as monsters/have been monster for a while. They’re very used to themselves I guess. Four still gets spooked a couple times while looking at a mirror, but he’s had a Minish ever since the end of his first adventure. Yes he’s been like that for his other two adventures, and I think that’s hilarious.

But Legend has only been a puppet ever since the end of AlbW. You see, I’d like to think using the Hyrulian Triforce to bring back the Lorulian Triforce would have…consequences to say the least. And I’m pretty sure that both Fable and Legend wished on the Triforce, so they both became puppets. And I hc that they were 15-16 around that time, and Legend is around 17-19 during LU. Point is, it’s only been 1-4 years since he’s his last adventure, but in the the AU it’s only been 1-2 years.

I was also thinking that he was meant to go on his Triforce Heroes adventure right before going through the time portal, and defying his “fate” released him from his puppet strings. Yeah, he still has a puppet body, but he’s no longer going through the motions now. Another related idea is that he still appeared to be a regular Hylian to everyone else, no one but Zelda could see the strings and joints and the wooden-like body they were cursed with. But now that the strings are broken, everyone can now see him for what he was cursed to become-a monster.

So he’s not having a good time when they all meet up. And he quickly realizes everyone can see him as a puppet, which freaks him out. And he’s still a teen, and teens tend to freak out about stuff more easily than people at other ages(ha…). So he’s antagonizing everyone-but not too much-to try to cope with the everything. He eventually starts to relax, because almost everyone else is more of a freak than he is. But he can also almost immediately clock Warriors as a human. A human who is trying to pretend to be a normal hylian-what Legend wishes he was-so he’s on the first and is the most consistent on Legend shit list. He quickly realizes that yeah, that’s not a cool thing to do but he can’t help but want to mess with him. 1) he’s fun to mess with 2) he genuinely likes Wars company and 3) he’s still a bit jealous of him. He feels real guilty about that last point, but it’s not like Wars will ever know so 😎ʅ(◞‿◟)ʃ

Anyways that’s enough rambling for today, I’m starting to forget what I want to say ha ha, hope next week is better for you. Have a good rest of your day!

eating your au /pos

i fuckin love this so much you have no idea i love this au so so much. every time you toss me a little crumb i grab it with my evil little hands and i squeeze it and then fucking eat it and then sit here like this waitin’ for another lil crumb because im so obsessed with this

[saffronimagines]

Can I request an Eddie x reader? They are best friends and the reader goes to a Halloween party in a skimpy costume. Eddie is crushing on her and gets jealous when she is hanging with Steve. Lots of Angst and smutty if you’d like. thank you!

HALLOWEEN

pairing: Eddie Munson x fem!reader

I DON'T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO USE/STEAL MY WORK

Summary: Eddie munson has been crushing on his best friend for years. he finally decides to do something about it once he sees you with Steve the hair Harrington.

Warnings: 18+ SMUT MINORS DNI, oral (m) Jealous!Eddie. hair pulling. spit? love confession. Angst. mentions of wet dreams.

request: Yes/no

Word count: 700+

NOT PROOFREAD (I'm so tired)

Halloween was a very popular event in Hawkins. everyone gets to do something they enjoy, egg houses. eat candy and of course, go to Steve Harrington's party. a bunch of wasted horny teens would gather inside and fool around. Eddie has wished every single year since he was sixteen to be doing those things with you.

Little did he know, you wanted to do them with him as well, and you'd finally decided to do something about it. you put on a skimpy nurse outfit that barely covered your ass.

and when you walked in he knew he was done for. his pants tightening around his dick. he watched you chat it up with Steve and Nancy, instantly cringing when Steve flung an arm over your shoulder. he didn't deserve you, he wasn't that dumb.

the whole night he stared at you until the party was over actually, hours it was. when you finally saw him "why didn't you come to see me?" was the first thing you asked. "I was busy" he replied, you laughed and shook your head. "you were busy? standing here alone" Shit. you saw him standing alone staring at you?

"anyways...wanna get out of here?" Your voice sounded soft, he was sure you were drunk. "back to my trailer?" he felt your hand grab his, walking to the van.

the drive home, Eddie was only thinking about the fact you might be in a relationship with Steve. it made him want to cry. he pushed those feelings aside when you placed his hand on your thigh, the gesture was purely innocent but it made his mind wander.

now, Eddie's on his bed. Eddie smoked a joint while you sat on the floor trying to look for a lost earring from a few days ago. "yeah then Steve..." he drowned out your conversation about Steve.

you then realized he wasn't listening "what is your problem!" Eddie was mad, an unusual sight. you climbed on his bed "Eddie?" he still wouldn't look at you.

"Eddie!" you moved his face with your palms making him look at you. "you're being weird" glassy eyes looked into yours. "are you with Steve?" he decided to rip off the band-aid. "what of course not, his still head over heels for Nancy" you explained, smiling and shaking your head. relief swallowed him.

"Why?" you asked. "because I think I'm in love with you" your eyes widened, mouth agape. he gulped loudly, "oh" you breathed out. "I'm sorry I have no clue why I said that--" your lips eased onto yours, and after a minute you pulled away out of breath.

eyes staring into each other, he glances at your lips then leaned back in. kissing you again and easing you into his lap, this kiss heated and lustful. ranking your hands through his hair, a bruising grip on your hips.

moving onto the floor. you looked up at him, his eyes blown. lips were swollen, palm moving over the tent in his jeans. "fuck...I've had a boner since you walked into the house" his hands gripped your scalp. undoing his belt, then pulling down his pants. you kitten locked the base, all the way to the tip.

"Such a slut, on her knees for me" taking him into your mouth, fully taking him down your throat gratefully, his moans only encouraging you to take him further and faster. "shit im...gonna cum sweetheart"

"cum in my mouth" you muttered through breaths. "mhm, okay as you wish" and within a minute, his salty substance slid down your throat. you looked back at him, watching him look at you in love.

"I'm so glad you are not with Harrington" he laughed.

written by Saffy

[askgametime]

🐜 Recommend a fic that makes you laugh! A crack fic, or something that's just really funny!

okay, i actually generally don't answer asks on this blog, i create/reblog ask games to be used by others since i'm not really open for prompts right now and this blog isn't fandom specific. however, i guess i could provide a rec/recs, but since there's no fandom listed it will be random. and since i don't normally do these i'm going all out with a really detailed answer.

...alright, briefly traversed my bookmarks for fics i remembered being hilarious, and ironically, this is not at all indicative of the fandoms i spend the most time reading in, especially like, currently, but it's a small variety and they were all memorably hilarious so:

still alive but i’m bearly breathing by thessalonike (starblessed) / @julies-butterflies

Fandom: Julie and the Phantoms; Rating: T; Categories: Gen, M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

So, Julie's got a possessed teddy bear. “It was just a flash of light, like a lava lamp exploded, and then, whoomph —“ Reggie mimes what, presumably, is a person getting sucked into a stuffed animal’s body. It involves a lot of flailing, a weird mermaid wiggle, and a moonwalk. “Alex was a bear.” CAN WE PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT, sings Alex — or Bearlex — into his plush microphone, with his tiny robotic voice. The sound box inside of the bear isn’t designed for speaking, only warbling… so every time Alex has something to say, he sounds like robot Freddie Mercury attempting karaoke. ALEX IS NOT A BEAR. ALEX IS INSIDE A BEAR. IT’S DIFFERENT. “Yeah, man, it sounds worse.”

Rec Notes: This one makes me cry laughing. Every single time. It's so funny. I believe after I watched JATP and binged a bunch of fics I read every single one of this person's works and they were all great. God, I need to rewatch that show, it's been a hot second.

Smoke Break by OrangeGaytor

Fandom: Disco Elysium; Rating: M; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Shivers– Miles away, a young teenager takes his first ever hit of a joint. He inhales too deeply, and spit flies from his lips as he falls into a coughing fit. Pitifully, his friend pats him on the back, an embarrassed grimace on his face. Just as far away, a woman is locked to her couch, paralyzed by the 10 mg edible she took an hour and a half ago. The recommended dosage was half of a gummy, and yet, the chemicals overpower her, merging her into the cushions. Time passes as a dripping faucet, inconsistent, and runny. And here, in Martinese, a police officer has rolled the worst blunt known to all mankind. 

Rec Notes: Great grasp of game's format/feel, incredibly funny. I just love how it's worded. The summary is a great example--the pacing and punchline is just. chef's kiss.

No Speak, Only Batman by hitthedeck

Fandom: DC/Batman/Justice League; Rating: G; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1) (Part 5 of a series of oneshots)

Batman doesn't use words, those prehistoric, plebian things. Instead, he stares deeply into your eyes, waits for you to absorb his meaning, and leaves. Either that or he fights it out like a normal person. Or, in which Batman's unique communication style is spectacularly unhelpful.

Rec Notes: I don't even go here, but Batman produces so many excellent, excellent crack fics. This is one of the best. Honestly, this whole series is completely iconic. Please read them all.

Filet-O-Fish by moopyjoopy

Fandom: The Magnus Archives; Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Someone throws a Filet-O-Fish at Jon’s front door. Paranoia ensues. (rated teen for a few swears)

Rec Notes: Okay, I'm really not gonna have a lot to say for any of these other than "help please they're so fucking funny" but I cannot impress on you enough they truly are all so fucking funny. I don't even really go here, either and YET. Also, I just love this author. Master of humor, truly.

œuf ouch owie by miraculousunflower (ominousunflower)

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug; Rating: T; Category: F/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Chat Noir enlists Rena Rouge's help to create an Aspik illusion. Absolutely nothing goes wrong. Ladybug smiles. “I wanted to drop by and welcome Aspik. I know it must be a little intimidating, being surrounded by so many veteran heroes…so, welcome! We’re glad to have you on board.” “I look like an egg!” Aspik announces, T-posing. Chat turns to Rena, feeling like he has been punched in the solar plexus. What the hell? he mouths. Rena grimaces, her eyes wide with panic. Stomach sinking, Chat remembers one of the first things he learned about the Fox Miraculous: that if Rena Rouge isn’t focused, her illusions go haywire. Oh, no.

Rec List: cannot emphasize enough this one makes me cry laughing every time. I don't know what it is, man. It's just so fucking funny. I haven't watched this show in years and still I go back and reread this when I remember it exists.

Sam Green and the Strange, Perplexing, Almost Bad, Very Confusing Night(s) by pukner

Fandom: Stranger Things; Rating: G; Category: Gen, M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - WIP (1/2)

"'M I bein' kidnapped?" asked Harrington. "What," said Sam, alarmed, "No!" "Okay," said Harrington with terrifying agreeability, considering the words he was saying, "But like. If you were? It's cool, I've been kidnapped before." "Wh—" "It was, uh. A bunch of twelve-year-olds," said Harrington, sounding strangely pensive. Then, sadly, "They stole B'lly's car." Sam actually could not process anything being said right then. He started the car. "Hey, Harrington?" he said, voice strained. "Yeah?" "Let's stop talking for a while, yeah?" "'Kay." Or, in November 1984, Sam Green (or Freak, if he's at a gig) sees Steve Harrington stumbling home looking like roadkill. He drives him to the hospital, and never quite manages to get rid of him. In July 1985, Eddie Munson is very confused about this.

Rec Notes: Every work by this author is so, so good. I don't even go here--god, why is that a pattern on this list?--but I'm always excited to see them in my inbox. I only chose this particular one (a) by virtue of it being the most recent and therefore the one I remembered best and (b) Mall Goop.

The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Epistolary Bullying Campaign by viramine / @mvshortcut

Fandom: The Mysterious Benedict Society; Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

"To LD Curtain (I refuse to believe you actually earned your doctorate): When I opened the newspaper over my nutritious breakfast this morning, I was greeted by the most terrible and disgusting sight in the world (your face). Now I am going to take several moments of your time to express my displeasure." Or, how did Curtain know they called themselves the Society, anyway?

Rec Notes: Iconic as fucking always. Top-tier author, top-tier comedy; have my hand in marriage, etc. Constance terrorizing Curtain is always wonderful but this is probably the best version of that. Great characterization, deeply hilarious and so so funny, always worth rereading over and over. The best, ♾️/10 stars

Geoffrey M'Benga: Vulcan (Love??) Guru by WerewolvesAreReal

Fandom: Star Trek (TOS); Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Post-Amok Time. “The only conclusion M'Benga can draw, based on all McCoy's questions about Vulcans, is that the man is enamored with Commander Spock. Someone should really tell him that pigtail-pulling stops being cute when you're eight.” Misunderstandings, genfic, humor.

Rec Note: Yet another author I always and without fail am absolutely thrilled to see in my inbox. And this fic? Regular reread. Absolutely incredible.

A dis-ass-ter by normal_thoughts_official / @normal-thoughts-official

Fandom: Shadowhunters; Rating: M; Category: F/F, M/M, Multi, Other - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Simon and Maia find out what the Mark of Cain is in an... Alternate way. Namely, they can't get their spanking session on. The squad is called in to help.

Rec Notes: [announcer voice] FROM WRITING GENIUS NORMAL-THOUGHTS-OFFICIAL IT'S!!!! THE POLYCULE SPANKING ASS PORTAL FIC!!!! Truly so funny and from one of the best authors on this damn site, wonderful characterization, on point comedy, and impeccable taste as always. Blowing you a kiss. Tossing bouquets. Firing confetti cannons. Etc.

A Way Things Should Be by LullabyKnell / @lullabyknell

Fandom: The Hobbit (Movies); Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (16/16)

In the Shire, hobbits say, "What lovely weather we've having." They also stir their teacups for four and a half clockwise rotations, place their left elbow seven-eighths down the way of the arm rest, and sniffled pointedly, which roughly translates to: "This tea is over-steeped and bland, your furniture is both uncomfortable and horrifically tasteless, and you're a twit of a host." And I think that's beautiful. ~ Hobbitish is a language of manners and etiquette, the dwarves don't even know that Hobbitish is a thing, and Bilbo is trying to keep a straight face and his peace of mind while the Company unintentionally keeps sexually propositioning him and challenging him to pie-eating contests to the death. ~ Actions speak so much louder than words.

Rec Notes: Truly a stunning fic. An absolute masterpiece. Hilarious, touching, perfectly paced. Incredibly long and well-thought out, great characterization, and again, I cannot stress this enough, hilarious. I once recommended this to a person out loud irl in real life on purpose. A person who had never heard of fanfiction. Admittedly I was a high-schooler at the time, so it's not like I had much sense (not that I have any now), but I still didn't normally do that. He thought it was hilarious, by the way. Read some excerpts out loud at lunch and had them howling. Wonderful fic, cannot recommend enough; so fucking funny and the premise is just. so good.

--- --- --- ---

And now, because I'm selfish, here's a few crack fics I wrote, because. why not, am I right? I'm already putting way too much time into this probably.

-- -- -- -- --

Rupert Mannion Is Batman (He Isn't)

Fandom: Ted Lasso; Rating: M; Category: M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (13/13)

A series of bizarre, loosely related events occur, all kicked off by Trent absently mentioning that he may or may not have once hooked up with Rupert Mannion.

Author Note: I had so much fun with this one. It's not my most popular crack fic--even my most popular Ted Lasso crack fic--but it amuses me.

dreams of falling

Fandom: House MD; Rating: M; Category: M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

House and, among other things: green couches, being kissed by Wilson, lightning-fast overthinking, and talking to himself.

Author Note: My first time writing House, and entirely on an impulse. I really like some of the lines in here, like Chase's brief appearance.

gemini schmemini

Fandom: The Mysterious Benedict Society (TV); Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

"You're his clone?" demanded Kate loudly, looking between Mr. Benedict and Curtain. His what. There were a lot of answers he could give to this. No, who in the world told you that, we're twins, being the main one, or perhaps he could just turn to his brother and say, did you seriously fucking tell people you cloned yourself instead of owning up to not being an only child?! But looking at his brother, who was keeping his face utterly blank, Nicholas made a split second decision. "No," he said, looking his brother directly in the eyes, "Actually, he's my clone."

Author Note: I had a harder time choosing between my MBS crack fics because I think they're all hilarious. No false modesty here, if there's one thing I am occasionally good at it is being funny as fuck. Not reliably, but, you know. Anyway, I asked my friends to choose between three random ones I think are the funniest and this was the unanimous (of the two people that responded on incredibly short notice) vote!

And now...

[crumchycow]

a get to know you better meme

thanks for the tag @thestrangeillusion

do you make your bed?

Nope never, if something doesn't need to be tidied it will not be tidied, have left a bucket in the middle of my room for 9 months because of this.

what's your favourite number?

Don't have one

what is your job?

Currently just a student I kinda need to get a job but studying and working is a lot for me and acquiring a job is annoying and hard so uethggghhhh

If you could go back to school would you?

Um will I continue studying? Maybe....

can you parallel park?

No

a job you had that would surprise people?

None? Probably the most interesting way I have earned money is the only commission I've ever had, which was my mum commissioning me for her work (kindergarten) because they needed 30 little icon drawings that each kid has at like their bag hook and on their stuff to identify them, she didn't like the person who used to do it because they were weird about it for some reason and the designs were kinda cluttered and ugly so my mum was like my child can draw? Yes! and this way I can be really fussy and specific with it.

(dw she paid me quite well)

do you think aliens are real?

In the sense of any life existing outside of earth? yes 100% would be weird if there isn't. In the sense of complex or intelligent life? probably. In the sense of there are human equivalent creatures that have achieved space travel and are equally or more technologically advanced than us, unlikely but possible. Just thinking about how much time life has existed without humans and how long humans have existed before any ideas of space exploration and the very specific technologies and discoveries that were necessary for space exploration I wouldn't be surprised if we are the only ones. Also just like how incredibly difficult space travel beyond our solar system is I think it's unlikely we will truly know or make contact.

can you drive a manual car?

No :) do not care to learn. fuck cars and driving is boring i only learn to drive because its kinda necessary where i live :( get me good public transport government please

what's your guilty pleasure?

im guilty about alot things like drinking milk, eating too much sugar, spending too much money, doing literally anything i will find a way to feel guilty about it but thats just my general state of being since i was a child and i mostly ignore it or work around it.

I guess in the more traditional sense of things i like that are embarrassing and i wouldnt want people to know, it would be reading fucked up smut. Particularly my fondness for incest ships? Don't know why I suspect it is the codependency. but yeah umm...

Tattoos?

Not yet but I wanna get a spider (not decided which) on my back soon.

favourite colour?

Peach

favourite type of music?

Um I mostly listen to kpop because uh autism? idk, but I genuinely like a lot of music. Some of my favourite music is like objectively awful and difficult to listen to, I think I often like music that is complex and has lots of things.

Some of my favourite artists trying to include multiple genres I like:

Mamamoo

Stray Kids

Taemin

F.T. island

Jeff Satur

S3rl

Enaria

Chopin (I'm learning one of his preludes atm it's v pretty)

Vivaldi

BabyBeard

GHOST (vocaloid producer)

also gregorian chants slap (not christian, vocal harmonies just make me feral)

do you like puzzles?

Yes! I just recently was like y'know what I haven't done in years but suddenly really need to do:

But also just generally like I LOVE maths and figuring out things and patterns and stuff so fun.

any phobias?

Nope

favourite childhood sport?

Um not that into sport, I guess I wanted to play netball when I was like 8 (but that might've just been because that's the thing you do) but I missed the trial periods 2 years in a row but kinda glad I didn't I know multiple people with permanent injuries from playing netball as a kid/teen and my joints are not the most functional in the first place. Do still enjoy playing casually every now and then.

do you talk to yourself?

Yes my favourite hobby, I have the best conversations with myself, will stay up for hours just talking to myself. Also great for preparing for real conversations. I love it when a topic I fully thought about and talked to myself comes up in conversation and it's like fuck yeah gonna ace this one.

what movie(s) do you adore?

Hmmm not the biggest fan of movie as a story format but uh have seen how to train your dragon at least 20 times and I need to watch it again sometime soon, been craving that animal/human enemies to deep emotional connection best buds.

coffee or tea?

Love coffee, but over half of my daily water consumption is through tea (usually multiple kinds)

Would be less alive without tea also its just like so diverse, green tea!black tea! rooibos! masala chai! rosehip! liquorice! peppermint..... camomile! and so much more with sugar! with milk! with honey! or lemon! hot! cold! literally my favourite, shoutout to whoever invented plant in water. Also soup different kind of plant in water but still absolutely banging humans peaked at plant in water best things invented.

and caffeine doesn't affect me like at all? so i only drink these things for taste.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

Idk the first but I know at some stage I wanted to be an author or a marine biologist (why is this so common who put it in our heads? Actually maybe David Attenborough....) probably the first was an animal or something

egh its rambly and may not make sense but whatever, also revealing any information about myself on the internet scares me even though literally nobody could do anything with this information like guys pls dont dox me through knowing my mum is a kindergarten teacher

tagging @gaylittlepieceofsh1t @mousydentist @mr-bazongos @wildelydawn @thestarscanalwayslookatus @fiddlepickdouglas @ae-azile and any one who wants to, no pressure tho <333