#my joints have been so fucked since i was like. a teen.

[equalseleventhirds]

y'all i am not joking when i say like, treating ur joints nice? god it's good.

like not even in big ways. little ways. wrist wraps for lifting heavy things. ergonomic mouse. squishy silicone wrist rest for ur mousepad. these are all wrist ways, i've been fucking those up lately, but u kno, also like, shoe inserts to give ur ankles support, firmer pillow for ur back, heating pad for when ur joints r stiff, etc etc.

find the little things that help u and get em? you will feel SO much better even if u just do the little tiny things. ur joints are so small but so major. u kno.

[pawnshopbleus]

These Are the Days Chapter Eleven - For Good

Abby Anderson x Fem!Reader High School AU

For the summary, warnings, and more, please visit here.

Author's note: a lot has happened since i last updated. my childhood dog died (Theodore is based on him), I started my first semester of college, I finished my first semester of college, I started watching Arcane (sevika is my wife), i fell in love with wicked, and I turned nineteen. I'm so sorry to keep you all waiting.

Previous Chapter

The last time Abby felt this happy was when her dad took her to the county fair seven years ago. The rush she felt when she saw the bright rainbow lights on the Ferris wheel was the same feeling she got when she looked into your eyes. Your lips, so soft and plump, melted against hers like chocolate on a s'more roasting over the fire. 

She could smell the conditioner that you use right under her nose. The sunlight shined through the small sliver between the curtains, blinding her as she slowly blinked awake. Abby let a small smile grace her lips as she felt your weight beside her. Your couch felt better than her own bed at home. It reeled her in and begged her to stay a little longer, but she couldn’t. There were things that she needed to do today. 

Abby never wanted to be near Owen ever again. He had caused her so much pain and sorrow that she felt like he had irreparably damaged her. Beat her down so that she would stay with him. She had been a doormat for his cheating and abuse for far too long. She should have broken it off for good when he got Mel pregnant, but she was so naive back then. Now, she finally has something good, and she doesn’t want to fuck it up. 

Abby slowly gets off the couch, careful not to wake you, and walks to the door. She looks back at you, admiring how calm you look. Theodore jumps onto the couch and settles in Abby's previous spot. Abby winks at the dog, a silent plea for him to watch over you. Theodore sneezes, and Abby takes that as her answer. He’ll be there for you when Abby isn’t. 

She is going to break up with Owen. 

She scared. He could make the rest of her life in Bellevue - in the entire state of Washington a living hell. She could lose her spot as captain and kiss college goodbye, but it would all be worth it because she gets to be with you. 

She turns onto a street a few blocks away from her house. Abby’s been down this road one time. After securing her spot as cheer captain, Mel threw a party junior year. It was a night filled with dancing, alcohol, beer, and caring for Owen. Abby shudders when she remembers the smell of the place. At least one hundred sweaty teens were stuck inside the first floor of Mel’s home. The windows stayed closed, and no one was allowed outside. Abby’s grateful Ellie became the school’s resident party thrower. A guest bedroom, an outside patio with a pool, fully functional windows, and pre-rolled joints were always at her disposal. 

Abby parks her car and walks to the front door. It’s a Sunday, so most people in the suburbs attend church, but not Mel. The shame of being pregnant and unwed has cost her too much. At first, she boasted about the fact that she was pregnant with Owen’s baby, but when reality set in, she became quiet and timid. She hasn’t been at school for weeks. 

Abby knocks on the door, and footsteps are heard walking to the door. Mel looks through the peephole and sighs. 

“What do you want?” Mel asks. 

“I want to talk.” 

The door swings open, and Mel, dressed in a long nightgown, steps aside, “Do you want to come in?” 

“Nah, I’m good. I’ll make it quick.” Abby bites the inside of her cheek and speaks again, “Why’d you do it? You knew he was with me, and you still did it? You kept his fucking baby, Mel? Why”

Mel sighs and bites her lip. “I don’t know. I was stupid, and I wanted to feel something. Owen made me feel seen. Everyone thinks I’m a lesbian because of my haircut, but I’m not! He made me feel beautiful.” 

“He made you feel beautiful, so you let him get you pregnant?” 

“That’s not-” Mel sighs. “I feel like this is my karma. This is what I get for being the other woman.” 

“It’s not entirely your fault.” Abby puts her hand on Mel’s shoulder. “Good luck, Mel.” Abby gets back into her car and sighs. She laughs at all the sighing she’s done today and starts her car. Knowing what comes next, she’ll need some laughter in her life. 

Abby walks into Owen's house. She never knocks; she never needs to.

Mr. Moore, Owen’s dad, is sitting on the couch in the living room. He is the spitting image of his son. All-American man with blonde hair instead of brown. The beer he holds in his hand is half gone, and the football game on the TV is left unwatched as he snoozes in the loveseat. Owen is in his room as expected. The curtains are drawn, and his room is bathed in darkness. The fact that it’s three pm and he is still asleep doesn’t surprise Abby. 

She pokes his shoulder repeatedly, urging him to wake up. Owen slowly blinks awake, his eyes squinting as he tries to see through the darkness. 

“Who’s there?” his tired voice asks. 

“Me.” “Abby?”

“Yeah,” she says matter of factly. “We need to talk.” 

Owen nods, and his head falls back onto his pillow. “I’m serious, Owen. This is important.” 

Owen nods against the pillow and turns away from Abby. Abby grumbles and crosses her arms. If he wants to act like a child, she’ll treat him like one. That doesn’t mean she’ll be nice, in fact, she feels the spirit of Miss Truchbull posses her. 

“We’re done.” Abby crosses her arms, “for good.”

“Okay,” he says sarcastically.

“I mean it this time, Owen. You better get your shit from my house, or else I’ll burn it. I’ll burn everything you’ve ever given me, from that fake bouquet of flowers to that jersey you signed by Russell Wilson.” 

Owen gets up from his bed as if it had just been set on fire.“What the fuck are you talking about right now?” 

“We’re done, for good! Your stuff will be in a big black trash can outside my house. Get it by tomorrow, or else you’ll never see it again.” 

“We’ve gone through this before, Abby. You’ll just come crawling back to me.” 

Abby shakes her head. “I have something this time that I didn’t have all those other times.” Abby thinks of you: of last night, this morning, last week, last month, and the first time she saw you. 

“What? A lawyer?”

Abby laughs in his face and walks away in utter disbelief at Owen’s stupidity. He’ll soon notice that she’s through with him and his antics.

Abby skips down the stairs of Owen’s house for the last time. She’s dreamt of this moment. Usually, it ends with his house blowing up and her walking away like Heath Ledger in The Dark Night. 

Abby’s head hits the steering wheel, and she jumps a little when the horn honks. She sighs for what feels like the hundredth time today and closes her eyes. She’s done. She’s done with his bullshit, she’s done with feeling sorry for Mel, and she’s done with denying her feelings for you. 

Theodore barks at a car passing by your house, startling you awake. You scan your surroundings for any sign of life and realize that you are home alone. Your phone chimes, and you check it. The brightness is turned all the way up, temporarily blinding you. You squint your eyes and press the notification. 

Abby: Owen and I are done for Good. 

You shut your phone off and pet Theodore’s soft fur. You close your eyes and smile with contentment as your new life in Washington is finally looking up. 

Tag list: @rew1nds @colbyweirdo

Thank you for reading!

Next Chapter - Coming soon

[somecunttookmyurl]

Hey, you recently mentioned somewhere about how growing pains aren't really a thing the way we think of them in the tags about a post about taking kids' pain seriously. And i've been sitting on that ever since, as someone who had severe 'growing pains' growing up that'd take me out for days but was told to stick it out. Thing is, they never went away and despite hitting 30 soon I regularly google something like 'growing pain in 20s' with some regularity.

I've finally bit the bullet, done the doctor marathon, ended up at a rheumathologist and was like 'idk i've had pain my entire life i was told it was normal'. (Didn't go over well, but how could it have.) Despite him then noting hypermobility he's adamant hsd or heds aren't worth looking into. And now i'm sat here like. Well, was it ever growing pains?

Could you talk more about what you meant with the growing pains? My mind is not letting it go

'growing pains' is something doctors say to dismiss pain in teens and children a lot.

the fact is, yes, some children get pains that are temporary and ultimately harmless and not at all related to growing in fact we don't know why it happens

the other fact is it tends to be limited to the ages of approximately 3 to 11, yet doctors use it to dismiss pain in teenagers - who still do a lot of growing often very quickly (especially boys).

it affects mostly if not exclusively the legs (notably calves and shins) and worsens following physical activity. yet doctors will often use it to handwave away any and all musculoskeletal pain

so yes there is a type of pain children (but not really teens) can experience in their lower legs. but not a) the rest of the body b) long-lasting c) bad all the time and d) it has nothing to do with actually growing

and frankly given we "don't know" why it happens at all i'd bet decent money there actually is a cause for whatever pain happened even if it was temporary. like doing the three-legged race wrong.

edit: sorry skipped over the hypermobile part. for some people (i hate them personally) hypermobility is not painful. for most people it IS. this is for the simple fact that your ligaments and tendons (connective tissue) are too stretchy so they aren't holding your joints in place as well as they should. so you know what has to pick up your slack? your larger muscles. you know what is built for movement and not 24-7 activation to keep you assembled? your muscles. they're doing something they're not supposed to have to do, and they're doing it all the time and they are fucking tired. unfortunately (i have hypermobile EDS and didnt get diagnosed until i was 28) there is no "cure" for this. the only treatments are stabilisation - physical therapy to try and build up the smaller stabilising muscles and support garments or things like k-tape to take the load off the bigger muscles by providing external support. also massage and heat to relieve the tension and tiredness.

[linphd]

Getting caught in their room | NSFW Headcanons

gender neutral

-> As someone bursts in their room, they find you in their bed in a rather surprising situation. Obviously, all the characters are now in 3rd year.

-> Neito Monoma, Hitoshi Shinsou, Katsuki Bakugou.

Neito Monoma

Somehow luckily for you, you were in the 3B building and not Monoma in yours. Sure, he had been the one stupid enough to leave the door unlocked, so when Tetsutetsu walked in to ask to train with his friend, he was the one discovering you almost naked.

His scream obviously attracted others. Monoma quickly arrived -he had gone to Setsuna’s room to get some answers for homework he hadn’t done- and rushed everyone out of his room, telling you he « would get Shinsou involved so they forget. », « I… don’t think he can do that. » you replied.

You weren’t dating him. You just thought hatred made sex exciting and it had been a few months those several years of not standing him were finally benefiting you. So yeah, getting caught as -obviously- Neito Monoma’s booty call wasn’t really nice for you.

Surely he still had something done, because everyone in your class seemed unaware of this situation. It’s only when Shihai, during a joint training within the hero branch, after a little remark from the blonde, spat : « Ah ! At least I don’t sneak at night in campus to get laid. » that you got scared.

Monoma dropped his usual grin, looking genuinely confused. « I… don’t know what you’re talking about ? » making even Shihai disturbed. You checked the rest of 3B, and only a few of them glanced at you and then acted like nothing had happened. Well, surprisingly, Monoma was rather trustworthy with all of this !

Hitoshi Shinsou

It’s actually Denki that entered Shinsou’s dorm uninvited. You were usually very careful, never staying late in his room and him always locking the door. But it was New Year’s Eve, and you were both drunk and not careful the night prior.

You both jumped at the loud noise, waking up as Denki started to scream « HAPPY NEW Y- ohhhhh, you already spent a happy new year, I see…. » he giggled. « Fuck off. » sighed Shinsou, checking if you were still covered enough despite the fact he had pulled the blanket towards him.

« Oh my God, now I’m curious- » the blonde started. « Of course ! » you sighed as well. « Has it been going on for long ? » Shinsou nodded. « Are you guys dating ? » he added. « Uhhhh… not really ? We just don’t see anybody else. » you replied. « Ah ! So you date but don’t wanna say it. » the blonde commented.

Obviously, the noise attracted everyone walking by, unfortunately for Shinsou and you, both still naked under the blanket. « It makes sense. » Kirishima stated. « So much sense ! » Denki added. Sero started to imitate you « Oh, Shinsou, you became so much stronger ! Ohhhh, your quirk is so impressive ! »

Denki added another commentary to Sero’s impression : « When they were sucking his dick they were doing it for real too ! » All the boys laughed, making Shinsou throw a pillow at them -despite being rather amused. « Now get out so I can finally dress up. » you said, making them rush out.

Katsuki Bakugou

Obviously, you were the one dumbass leaving the door unlocked. First thing Kirishima said was « makes sense » when he saw you laying there, under the sheets, obviously naked, while Katsuki was brushing his teeth.

He immediately called the rest of the Bakusquad, each of them less shocked than the other. « That’s why his room was forbidden ; so we wouldn’t walk on (Y/N) naked. », « Ohhhh that’s why they have privileges and can make fun of him without consequences. », « Elementary my dear Sero, the consequences are in bed. » Mina added.

« CAN YOU ALL SHUT UP AT ONCE ?! » Katsuki yelled from his bathroom, not seeming really surprised at the discovery -still furious though. « That’s why you’ve been so calm compared to our 1st year. You didn’t grow up, you just weren’t a frustrated teen anymore ! » Denki commented.

« Sooooo…. Y’all have been dating since when ? » Mina asked. « Yep, surely not Bakugou would have a booty call. Now, spill the beans. » the blonde added. You sighed. « Since the beginning of this year. Now get out so I can change. » you replied, making them all leave.

However, you didn’t know that Katsuki’s behavior was just a facade. As soon as you went to shower, he stepped out of his room and exploded each of his friends’ face, making Denki dumb in the process. A few threats and explosions later, the whole rest of the school is still unaware of your relationship.

[lesbianrobin]

ok since people r very into my chris fic i shall share some of my random behind the scenes thoughts while writing it:

adriana has literally been waiting her entire life for her obviously gay older brother who joined the army to avoid his wife and then moved to los angeles to be a sexy firefighter to COME OUT ALREADY and by the time we meet her in this fic she is like Vibrating with the need to be like EDDIE IS GAYYYYYYY ARE YOU PEOPLE BLIND??? which is why it takes like absolutely zero prodding from chris for her to spill all of eddie's business. i think when eddie was little he was a very obviously gay little boy and as he grew up he learned how to Be Normal but adriana never forgot and she's like deeply sad about it.

chris is So fucking miserable at his grandparents' house he misses video games so bad. i couldn't find a way to really incorporate this without it feeling like a cheap "look he's a TEEN BOY" thing but yeah the second he gets back home he is slamming that headset on and gaming until eddie tells him he has to take a break or he'll burn his eyes out of his sockets.

there are a Lot of songs on buck and eddie's joint depression playlist that i listed and then cut for practicality's sake but if there's any like interest in that i could maybe put together + link the full playlist for y'all?

buck's "maddie" playlist is entirely music he listened to growing up bc it makes him think of her. as a younger sibling my music taste from birth to like. age fifteen ish. was just wholly whatever my older sister listened to and i think buck is the same way. i don't think buck necessarily listens to this playlist on his own very often but if he's hanging out with maddie and/or babysitting jee-yun he'll put it on because it makes him happy to enjoy some 90s/00s nostalgia with his best girls. sometimes he'll play it in the car when he's driving chris somewhere because he wants to carry forward some of those good memories he has with maddie with chris.

buck and eddie's texts were written in order to coincide with each other! eddie texts more frequently than buck but i think if you pay attention you can sometimes tell which days buck Also sent chris a text bc they match. some of them were sent specifically in the wake of very emotionally taxing shifts where they both wanted so badly to call chris and beg him to come home but they knew that wouldn't go well and they didn't want to make chris feel guilty so they tried to play it cool.

speaking of buck and eddie: i don't think that eddie's conversation with chris is necessarily the First step in eddie realizing he's gay or moving toward something romantic with buck. keep in mind that chris has been gone for at least two weeks by the time he talks to either of them, and buck and eddie spend the vast majority of their time together. this fic is restricted to chris' pov, and he has no way of knowing whether, say, buck and tommy broke up, or whether his dad has been thinking about some things differently since he's been gone. buck and eddie Also have to spend twelve hours in a car together just the two of them between the end of the fic and their reunion with chris. this is not me saying that buck and tommy DID break up or that buddie got together while chris was away (i don't actually have a solid "canon" for where they're at), just that i intentionally left space for a wide range of possibilities due to chris' limited knowledge of what's going on with them!!

i kinda intentionally did not delve too deeply into the psychology of the diaz parents here because i think their behavior is a bit inscrutable to chris. the vast majority of his memories of them are from when he was really little, and therefore i think he doesn't actually know them very well as people. he knows that there's some tension between them and eddie, but prior to this fic he never really bothered to question Why. all he knows is that his grandparents will probably come and get him if he calls, and that it'll hurt his dad's feelings, and in the immediate aftermath of the kim debacle that's all he cares about. once he's in el paso, he starts noticing some things that make him a bit uncomfortable, but he never does determine for sure what their motivations and opinions are about this whole situation, whether they're treating him a certain way bc he's the grandkid or bc of his cerebral palsy, and whether their treatment of eddie really does stem from homophobia or not. at the end of the day he's thirteen years old and i wanted to leave his grandparents' True Selves as a bit of a mystery because 1. i don't think They necessarily know why they do what they do and 2. i don't think there's any one answer that would be satisfying.

chris literally had zero intention of saying anything to eddie about the Gay Thing he just is very much thirteen years old and emotional and he fundamentally Trusts his father to never like. lash out at him for saying something like that. so he doesn't try too hard to hold it back and impulsively says Hey Dad Are You Gay Maybe because he's never gone so long without talking to his dad before and he's just bursting with thoughts and feelings. he's not even trying to do a buddie matchmaking thing it's just that the easiest way to make his argument is to be like (points at buck).

[mysoncookie]

BNHA Dabi-Centric fic recs

Artificial Parenthood, Affectionate Brotherhood by cereal_whore

Teen & Up, Gen, No Archive Warnings

Available on Ao3, On Going | Wordcount: 208,780

Has an On Going Series Called "Dabi says fuck the human species: artificial natural selection addition"

Summary: 22-year-old dabi switches place with ten-year-old touya todoroki in their timeline Bakugou, a single child with the social skills of an apathetic gamer, runs into a cellular mass of anxiety that vibrates the same murderous rage of a chihuahua. Said kid is as problematic as Bakugou himself, is a ginger, does not fear the laws of this land, and doesn't even seem to be from this land- or more accurately, time. Between Bakugou's homicidal urges, Todoroki Shouto's lack of filter, and God's middle finger, lies the Pandora's Box of the Todoroki's household secrets, in the form of a child named Touya Todoroki, who hates fish and has never heard of Minecraft. Todoroki Shouto just wants joint custody over his own older brother who's now inexplicably ten-years-old. So clearly, the only effective solution would be to force Bakugou to adopt him and all his other siblings. Meanwhile, Dabi, still in a world that never wanted him, learns that maybe an old dog can't learn new tricks (a truth he realises, when he finds himself reunited with a nine-year-old Shigaraki, who might not be past saving, the way he will be a decade later).

Lay Me on a Pyre (Sacrifice me for your sins) by RadioSilencer

General Audience, Gen, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, On Going | Wordcount: 29,126

Summary: “Ah, and I hate to do this to you, but there’s a couple questions we have to ask since you’re awake now. Is that all right?” Wondering why his input was needed for that, Touya nodded. Anything they wanted. Whatever he could do to be less of an embarrassment. “Okay then, tell me if you need a moment whenever,” the woman started, “your name.” “Todoroki.” Even if he wished it wasn’t (and everyone else probably did too). “Todoroki Touya.” (A bystander loses control, and Todoroki Touya opens his eyes to a brighter world than he left behind.)

By Any Other Name by SatelliteBlue

Teen & Up, M/M, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 258,617

Has an On Going series called "Will you accept this rose?"

Summary: Through some freak accident of the universe, Dabi has been invited to compete on The Bachelorette. Have they actually seen his face? Surprisingly yes, and they still want him. For this season they apparently need a ‘bad boy’ to both balance out the hero contestant (why in hell is Hawks involved?) and to trash talk the show in interviews to appeal to audiences who don’t like the scripting. Getting sent on a vacation away from his annoying bandmates to complain and eat as much free food as he wants? Sold.

The Difference Between an Heir and a Son by ofHeartmateAndSoulbeats

General Audience, Gen, No Archive Warning Apply

Available on Ao3, On Going | Wordcount: 11,774

Summary: ...because if Enji had ever loved any of his children, it would have been Touya

Brother by Dreamy_Cel_100

Teen & Up, M/M, Graphic Depictions of Violence

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 79,561

Summary: Todoroki Touya has never known comfort. He just didn’t realize he wasn’t the only one. Or When Touya runs away, he decides to take his kid brother. And instead of joining villainy he attempts to create the home he never had.

Sins of the Father by kanekki

Teen & Up, M/M, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 32,411

Has a Complete Series called "the hellish todoroki family"

Summary: Shouto’s lower lip wobbles as he cries. “M-Momma hurt me and Father sent her away. I m-miss you Touya, please come home. It’s scary without you.”

“Alright,” Dabi says soothingly while he glares at the heroes, “We’re going to my place then. Your nii-san’s going to protect you now, okay?”

Shouto is accidentally rewound by Eri’s quirk in the middle of a villain attack, reverting him to a small child with no memories of his future. Dabi takes the opportunity to bring Shouto with him to the League of Villains headquarters to remove him from Endeavor’s clutches.

little brother, we are all grieving by jurassicqueer (kukurosaki)

Mature, Gen, M/M, No Archive Warnings Apply

Available on Ao3, Complete | Wordcount: 29,561

Summary: When a teenager is dragged into a police station by someone with a self-proclaimed de-aging quirk, it seems too improbable that one of the most notorious villains in Japan could actually be reverted to a scrawny sixteen year old.

But then the blood tests come back, and the quirk labs hand in their results, and it seems that Dabi really is a teenager again- and claiming to be the dead Todoroki Touya, of all things.

OR: Touya never expected to wake up a wanted fugitive, but with his luck, he's hardly surprised.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

as per requested from my previous post I updated my fic recs on dabi and ofc I added the bachelorette au that y'all been talking about tnx to @attackontreason for recommending it ksksks

[cactusisconfused]

Cw- suggestive themes, no smut. Soap has shit gaydar.

-

John ‘Soap’ Mactivish is a proud and out bisexual man and has been aware of that since he was mid-teens.

He’s always been proud of his identity, never was one to shrink down from giving some homophobe a black eye- no matter how many suspensions he got.

He’s had a good few partners, men and women, enough to the point that he thinks he has a good understanding of how this all works.

The only problem is that he had the worse gaydar known to man.

One would think that given how long he’s been in the community he would get better at it, but nope.

So imagine his surprise when the hulking 6’4 lieutenant of his- whom he had presumed to be straight- shows up to a gay bar when the 141 found themselves with down time.

-

Soap had snuck off, whether to get a one night stand in or just a few drinks to wash away the ugly thoughts of their last mission, he isn’t sure and quite frankly, doesn’t care.

He’s maybe 3 glasses of scotch in, maybe four, when a tall ass man built like a fridge sits next to him at the bar. A black face mask sits on the bridge of the man’s Roman nose all the way to his chin. From what soap can see, the man has scars all over his face, some bigger, some smaller- but really what gets him is those brown eyes, framed just perfectly by blonde- almost white eyelashes.

Naturally, Soap spurs up a conversation, hoping the man may have a bed that might need a bit of extra warmth tonight.

The man looks at Soap for a long moment, with an almost calculating look. The man looks long enough to the point where Soap shifts slightly in his seat, worried that he over stepped and the man simply just wanted to drink and nothing more. Yet, to Soap’s mild surprise, the man nods, effectively standing up from his bar stool and laying a 20 out on the table for the bare tender.

The man is quick to start moving for the door, only to pause to look back at Soap.

“You coming here or at my place?” The man says in a deep gravely tone, enough that Soap feels like he can drown in. Soap quickly felt himself blush.

“Fuck off.” Is Soap’s clever retort as he quickly slides off the bar stool and makes his way to the man.

“That’s what I plan on doing.” The man responds simply and fuck, Soap could die here and forever be a happy man.

-

Soap felt like he could barely move the next morning, stretching like a cat on the soft sheets below him, taking count of all the joints that pop.

When he left arm doesn’t pop, he tries again, trying to coax it to pop. What he doesn’t except, as he moves his elbow, is to touch skin.

Quickly, fast enough to make himself dizzy, Soap looks at the man in the bed. His scarred, pale body is bare, the blankets just barely covering below his naval. His deep brown eyes are half lidded, looking up at the Scot.

“Morning to you too, Soap.” That gravelly voice hits Soaps ears like a siren’s melody and-

Wait-

“I never told you my name.” Soap say scrambling off the bed, his mind already set in mission mode. How does this man know who he is? Is he an enemy spy?

Soap’s mind runs through a thousand and one loops trying to figure what to do, when all that is broken by a quiet but hearty laugh from the man in the bed.

“You did, ‘bout seven months ago.”

Soap’s mind races. Seven months ago? That was during the botched mission in Las Almos and-…why is there a skull mask on that desk?

Soap blinks, now focusing on his surroundings. The man’s closet is slightly open, peaking out is almost entirely black apparel, including one navy blue jacket and a jacket with the words ‘Lieutenant Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley’ written on the back.

Slowly, he looks back at the man- at Ghost- who of which wears a smug smile on his bare face.

Maybe all that flirting over the past few months wasn’t just joke between guys….

“C’mon, I’m gonna make some bacon and eggs.” Ghost states as he pushes the covers off, only boxers on, and walks out the room.

Soap, finally blinking out of his stupor rushes afterwards, really hoping this won’t be a one time thing.

-

On this went longer than intended.

Also sorry that this didn’t get too spicy, I don’t write that kinda stuffs :/

[dawnthefox24]

Alright headcanon time!!! Because I'm bored and my brain is jelly and my damn knees are acting up when it gets cold but anyways my brain is itchin and well it's time for the headcanons!

Trigger warning in advance SENSITIVE TOPICS: CONTAINS ED (You have been warned!)

"Peri" Periwinkle Fairywinkle Cosma

Like I said he has joint pains in his knees it usually gets worse when winter hits causing it to flare/tighten up and ache as well.

Has crooked teeth, just uses magic to make them straight. (Because I have crooked teeth too, never had braces in my life and I like my teeth)

Hates needles and has gotten into a physical altercation with a doctor and won.

Loves his parents truly, but sometimes they get on his nerves, but again he still loves them.

Stutters when he gets excited, he get stuck on the same word without realising it/gets mad when he can't get the word right. (Cosmo and Wand find it adorable)

Easily gets cold when winter hits.

Still cares for Dev and will do anything to become his godparent again, even if it means he has to go against Da rules and Jorgen.

Tends to have small out bursts of anxiety tremors, which annoys the hell out of him. (usually when it comes to drinks because he can't hold them without spilling anything plus using chopsticks so he sticks with a fork)

Had no idea he was autistic.

When he gets mad he cries.

ED (bulimia), it used to be sever but he learn how to maintain it though it'll come and go once in awhile. Though sometimes certain foods can trigger it.

Some certain smells makes him ill/nauseous which can trigger his ED.

Is addict to coffee.

Hates maintaining his hair.

Enjoys writing in his spare time when he has nothing else to do.

Bi-Demi King.(I will die on this hill btw)

Speaks Italian, thanks to his momma and Big Daddy teaching him.

Still has his Timmy doll which he still keeps since he misses Timmy.

Has a major sweet tooth, but has a cookie stash that he keeps.

Can wear almost anything from suits to the prettiest of dresses!

Lives in a consent state of anxiety.

Like's being called Peri-Weri but not the company of others because it's embarrassing.

Book nerd a huge major book nerd. Like's fantasy/Sci-fi and romance.

Still keeps in contact with Goldie and Sammy.

Anime fan/Manga enjoyer.

Plays the violin and flute.

Has social anxiety when people come up to him, he gets awkward as he tries to find an excuse to leave/disengage the conversation.

Has Thalassophobia and Trypanophobia.(that's it cause fuck the ocean and fuck needles if I have it he can have it too...)

His ears turn red when he gets flustered/embarrassed.

Dated Irep. (They have an on and off relationship sue me!)

Will never ever stop being impressed by the fact that Irep plays the piano.

Went through a rebel/goth phase in his teens.

Sleeps like a cat, whenever he finds something comfy he would be out like a light.

Knows how to sew, he learned how to sew when his Timmy doll started to wear and tear.

Wants to learn how to waltz but is a bit to nervous and honestly he can't dance well.

Has dyslexia when it comes to writing.

He's ambidextrous.

His love language is sometimes physical touch,gift giving, and words of affirmation also sweets is his love language as well. (mainly chocolate)

He still hates theatre.

Knows the phonetic alphabet and how to say his name in it because Jorgen taught him.

Easily catches colds/prone to getting sick.

Tends to fidgets things in his hands without realising it, since it keeps him simulated.

Cried to his parents when Timmy had to get his memories wiped when Timmy became of age so he wouldn't remember all the time he had with his brother.

Knows how to knit and crochet, but prefers knitting.

When he gets scared his fight or flight response kicks in, it always flight.(Sometimes it's usually fight or freeze)

Isn't a fan of horror movies.

Moth squeaks, he squeaks like a moth when mad. (here's the example also Irep made fun of him for that)

Has used Irep's wings to hide his face when scared/embarrassed.

Had his hands/fingers turned blue at one point and he had no idea why they turned blue but it caused everyone to panic because that was the first stage of frostbite/he had no blood flowing through his fingers. Jorgen and Wanda had to warm up his hands to get the blood flowing.(This is a very true story btw since I was like huh thats a problem)

Drinks hot drinks in the winter and drinks cold drinks in the summer.

Doesn't drink alcohol, because the last time he drank it was a nightmare and he's a lightweight he wishes not to talk about it.

Wants to own a pet rat.

Trembles and Shakes when cold/get's random burst of anxiety.

Loves fruits mainly cantaloupe & mangos.

Is a bit chubby.

Hates the smell of fish. Living in a fishbowl for awhile made him hate the smell of fish.

Doesn't like the dark.

Knows how to write and read cursive.

Has gotten nosebleeds randomly from time to time but so far it has died down . (projecting a little bit on to him)

Tends to overthink things, like a lot.

Once laughed so hard he started crying because he heard Irep say the most morbid/dirtiest joke and he wouldn't stop laughing.(it caused a chain reaction because everyone else started laughing as well)

Has Dyshidrotic eczema (blisters)mainly on his hands and fingers which is easily triggered when he gets extremely stressed out.

Always have to prop his legs up whenever his knees ache/flare up if he has to cross his legs from time to time.(Yes I do this irl because of my damn knees)

Will never EVER forget when his knee's cracked when he was in gym class had to sit down for the first time and the teacher yelled out "this is why we stretched before hand". He was about to cry when that happen.(Yes this happen to me as well and I almost did cry)

Enjoys the early 2000's rock songs. (from this post)

Will never admit this but he enjoys being carried around whenever his knees would flare up during the winter.

Is an empath and hates it from time to time as he gets overwhelmed.

Has stretch marks.

He may or may not have a *cough*fangkink*cough* (Who said that!? who said that!?)

Owns a colouring book because he finds it relaxing.

Enjoys eating dino nuggies.

Is a theorist and lore enjoyer, because he finds it fun and also interesting.

[blood-grove]

HOLY HELL? JEEZ GUYS I just saw all the notifs im glad you guys like the second part! <3 i wanted to drop some personally headcanons for the au

also if your seeing this my fic is here ! its about retired dads!soapghost and there newly adopted gn!reader

->Soap is hard of hearing! Being a demolitions expert was gonna catch up with him eventually. He used to try and hide it and avoid it altogether but nowadays he's a bit more open about too close family.

His siblings lighthearted tease him about it now since he's comfortable. It isn't totally hearing loss in his ear but its enough to need a hearing aid.

-> Ghost has a bit of a limp in his step now, There not that old but of course after years of fighting something was bound to give ad it did he broke his leg a few months into retirement while working on the roof that he of so stubbornly said he'd fix.

He wasn't comfortable with some stranger visiting there home and or multiple strangers coming to there home he felt like he could do it.

While he could admittedly despite it all he picked up a bit of interest in home fixing mainly the basics he learned even more as they came close to their retirement.

He wanted to be self-sufficient and wanted to be Johnnys' helpful husband.

But he had to fuck it up, Now that he's healed his leg gives him issues here and there but on some days he can get around just fine on others especially during the rain his joints act up.

-> Soap and Ghost have been happily married for 2 years now! Do you know who proposed first? Ghost!. He totally didn't want to pass out and throw up at the same time as he got one shaky knee and palms sweaty as he barely managed to make his words heard under his mask. Soap nearly barreled him down with how much of a mix of emotions he was trying to process as he said 'Yes'.

Ghost had been nervous through the weeks leading up to it, Asking Soap's Mother for her permission, Finding the perfect spot to pop the question.

There wedding was small stuck to Soap's immediate family even so it was pretty big (saving 2 chairs empty) , Of course they invited the rest of the 141 Laswell included inviting them months ahead.

They were able to stay for a while got caught up with each, drank, and just had fun. Simon had never felt so care free.

-> Simon and John of course went through a lot of therapy after retirement, Both of them having their own lucky little bottles of medicine in their shared bathroom. They had thought about adopting or having a kid through surogate.

They decided on adoption because it'd be cheaper plus they weren't sure if they were up to taking care of an infant, They went with adopting a pre-teen just around the age that they wouldn't do something like stick there finger or forks in outlets or burn themselves on the stove.

Soap still put outlet caps on them though.

-> Simon was nervous to be a parent he was just down right terrified that you would dislike him, think hes weird , or worse be afraid of him.

He's not a all a short or slender guy and that hasn't changed after retirement. His resting bitch face and his mask he'd traded his balaclava with a year back. He was sure he didn't look friendly to approach (which he appreciates sometimes) He wanted to look approachable to you.

But it seemed all that worrying was for nothing the first time you both met you asked about Riley albeit hesitantly, He guessed Soap told you about her.

He was open to talking bout her and you were open to listening.

(dsjvahhdadskaj sorry if there ooc </3)

[richeeduvie]

I'm imagining the first time Roman and Baby got high after having Baby jr must have been a trip. Like both of their tolerance was the lowest it's been since they were teens cause Roman also went off weed too in support of Baby even tho she didn't ask. He acts like she forced him tho. They're giggling so hard and spinning and then suddenly Roman goes from 😁 to 😐 and is like "um, I think I need to lay down and you need to rub my stomach"

"Look at that."

Roman giggles into Baby's stomach. They're on the couch, a high mess of a couple. They stare at Baby Jr, her just...being a newborn. A tiny, tiny newborn. She's a good few feet away in a car seat.

"A perfect fucking weirdo. How the fuck did I put that inside you?"

"How did she almost come out dying?"

Roman's smile drops. Instantly. Baby feels it in her stomach. Even high, she knows that wasn't the greatest thought to think under the smoke.

"Why the fuck would you say that?"

"Look at her. She's so alive. Our alive little baby."

Baby Jr makes this little coo. Roman groans.

"I feel sick. Sicky Daddy. I'm a sicky Daddy because why is she cooing like that. Why can't she just scream? That's easy. I'll just scream and thrash my head against the glass at that."

Roman blinks. Baby closes her eyes and leans her head back.

"You need to rub my stomach."

"What?"

"Rub my stomach. Joint-taking doesn't make you Helen Keller. You heard me. Rub my sto-"

Roman hacks. Fuck. It's like he's a newbie. He needs Baby to rub his stomach. Or maybe he can just keep staring at his newborn to make sure she's breathing.

He leans his head back when Baby indulges him with a stomach rub. She smiles at her baby.

"Sicky Daddy's cosplaying as a baby in preparation for you."

"I'm not opening my eyes. Is she breathing?"

"Yes. Jesus."

"I think I have a cavity."

[ineffectualdemon]

In experiencing grief about my disabilities again

Knowing there was a time when I could still go outside independently and move about freely... and then an after... hurts

It also hurts to realise how badly life was stacked against me

I remember being twelve and reading about juvenile arthritis and feeling like it was so close to how I felt in my body except I didn't get visible swelling in the joints.

I didn't tell anyone and decided I was being a hypochondriac and, correctly, that no one would believe me anyway.

But two years later I was noticeably lethargic and constantly exhausted

The constant joint pain was low but it wasn't new. That's when other people started to notice something wasn't quite right

I still wasn't diagnosed with fibromyalgia until my 20s

(Its worth noting that fibromyalgia is now classed as a type of juvenile arthritis. That was not the case in 1996)

By the time I was diagnosed and started to be fucked around by the system the chronic pain had already made a home in my body

It didn't help I threw my back out for the first time a week before my wedding and repeatedly after that

But I had been in constant pain since I was a child

I don't know life without pain and because no one took me seriously as a child the pain found a place to live inside me and I was never going to escape it

And there is grief in that

There is also both profound gratitude and horror at realising that if I hadn't googled red dwarf when bored after Christmas at as a teenager I wouldn't have met my husband. I wouldn't have gotten married at 20 and moved countries. i wouldn't have had support and someone who believed me. I wouldn't have the NHS which, for all it's flaws, did diagnose me and didnt fleece me at the same time

If I hadn't gone on the red dwarf fan forum as a bored teen I probably wouldn't be here posting this

And that's amazing and I'm so grateful things went this way. But I'm also horrified at how easily it could have gone wrong

Idk I feel a lot of things

[crazylittlejester]

I just remembered something I wanted to tell you about the monster au. Um hope it makes sense. It’s mainly about Legend because I’ve just mostly finished thinking up his lore. Wars is mentioned tho cause I’ve accidentally made him basically the main character of this silly AU so I can’t help but not include him. Te he oops 🧍‍♂️

So, for most of the Links that are monsters, they were born as monsters/have been monster for a while. They’re very used to themselves I guess. Four still gets spooked a couple times while looking at a mirror, but he’s had a Minish ever since the end of his first adventure. Yes he’s been like that for his other two adventures, and I think that’s hilarious.

But Legend has only been a puppet ever since the end of AlbW. You see, I’d like to think using the Hyrulian Triforce to bring back the Lorulian Triforce would have…consequences to say the least. And I’m pretty sure that both Fable and Legend wished on the Triforce, so they both became puppets. And I hc that they were 15-16 around that time, and Legend is around 17-19 during LU. Point is, it’s only been 1-4 years since he’s his last adventure, but in the the AU it’s only been 1-2 years.

I was also thinking that he was meant to go on his Triforce Heroes adventure right before going through the time portal, and defying his “fate” released him from his puppet strings. Yeah, he still has a puppet body, but he’s no longer going through the motions now. Another related idea is that he still appeared to be a regular Hylian to everyone else, no one but Zelda could see the strings and joints and the wooden-like body they were cursed with. But now that the strings are broken, everyone can now see him for what he was cursed to become-a monster.

So he’s not having a good time when they all meet up. And he quickly realizes everyone can see him as a puppet, which freaks him out. And he’s still a teen, and teens tend to freak out about stuff more easily than people at other ages(ha…). So he’s antagonizing everyone-but not too much-to try to cope with the everything. He eventually starts to relax, because almost everyone else is more of a freak than he is. But he can also almost immediately clock Warriors as a human. A human who is trying to pretend to be a normal hylian-what Legend wishes he was-so he’s on the first and is the most consistent on Legend shit list. He quickly realizes that yeah, that’s not a cool thing to do but he can’t help but want to mess with him. 1) he’s fun to mess with 2) he genuinely likes Wars company and 3) he’s still a bit jealous of him. He feels real guilty about that last point, but it’s not like Wars will ever know so 😎ʅ(◞‿◟)ʃ

Anyways that’s enough rambling for today, I’m starting to forget what I want to say ha ha, hope next week is better for you. Have a good rest of your day!

eating your au /pos

i fuckin love this so much you have no idea i love this au so so much. every time you toss me a little crumb i grab it with my evil little hands and i squeeze it and then fucking eat it and then sit here like this waitin’ for another lil crumb because im so obsessed with this

[askgametime]

🐜 Recommend a fic that makes you laugh! A crack fic, or something that's just really funny!

okay, i actually generally don't answer asks on this blog, i create/reblog ask games to be used by others since i'm not really open for prompts right now and this blog isn't fandom specific. however, i guess i could provide a rec/recs, but since there's no fandom listed it will be random. and since i don't normally do these i'm going all out with a really detailed answer.

...alright, briefly traversed my bookmarks for fics i remembered being hilarious, and ironically, this is not at all indicative of the fandoms i spend the most time reading in, especially like, currently, but it's a small variety and they were all memorably hilarious so:

still alive but i’m bearly breathing by thessalonike (starblessed) / @julies-butterflies

Fandom: Julie and the Phantoms; Rating: T; Categories: Gen, M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

So, Julie's got a possessed teddy bear. “It was just a flash of light, like a lava lamp exploded, and then, whoomph —“ Reggie mimes what, presumably, is a person getting sucked into a stuffed animal’s body. It involves a lot of flailing, a weird mermaid wiggle, and a moonwalk. “Alex was a bear.” CAN WE PLEASE STOP SAYING THAT, sings Alex — or Bearlex — into his plush microphone, with his tiny robotic voice. The sound box inside of the bear isn’t designed for speaking, only warbling… so every time Alex has something to say, he sounds like robot Freddie Mercury attempting karaoke. ALEX IS NOT A BEAR. ALEX IS INSIDE A BEAR. IT’S DIFFERENT. “Yeah, man, it sounds worse.”

Rec Notes: This one makes me cry laughing. Every single time. It's so funny. I believe after I watched JATP and binged a bunch of fics I read every single one of this person's works and they were all great. God, I need to rewatch that show, it's been a hot second.

Smoke Break by OrangeGaytor

Fandom: Disco Elysium; Rating: M; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Shivers– Miles away, a young teenager takes his first ever hit of a joint. He inhales too deeply, and spit flies from his lips as he falls into a coughing fit. Pitifully, his friend pats him on the back, an embarrassed grimace on his face. Just as far away, a woman is locked to her couch, paralyzed by the 10 mg edible she took an hour and a half ago. The recommended dosage was half of a gummy, and yet, the chemicals overpower her, merging her into the cushions. Time passes as a dripping faucet, inconsistent, and runny. And here, in Martinese, a police officer has rolled the worst blunt known to all mankind. 

Rec Notes: Great grasp of game's format/feel, incredibly funny. I just love how it's worded. The summary is a great example--the pacing and punchline is just. chef's kiss.

No Speak, Only Batman by hitthedeck

Fandom: DC/Batman/Justice League; Rating: G; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1) (Part 5 of a series of oneshots)

Batman doesn't use words, those prehistoric, plebian things. Instead, he stares deeply into your eyes, waits for you to absorb his meaning, and leaves. Either that or he fights it out like a normal person. Or, in which Batman's unique communication style is spectacularly unhelpful.

Rec Notes: I don't even go here, but Batman produces so many excellent, excellent crack fics. This is one of the best. Honestly, this whole series is completely iconic. Please read them all.

Filet-O-Fish by moopyjoopy

Fandom: The Magnus Archives; Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Someone throws a Filet-O-Fish at Jon’s front door. Paranoia ensues. (rated teen for a few swears)

Rec Notes: Okay, I'm really not gonna have a lot to say for any of these other than "help please they're so fucking funny" but I cannot impress on you enough they truly are all so fucking funny. I don't even really go here, either and YET. Also, I just love this author. Master of humor, truly.

œuf ouch owie by miraculousunflower (ominousunflower)

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug; Rating: T; Category: F/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Chat Noir enlists Rena Rouge's help to create an Aspik illusion. Absolutely nothing goes wrong. Ladybug smiles. “I wanted to drop by and welcome Aspik. I know it must be a little intimidating, being surrounded by so many veteran heroes…so, welcome! We’re glad to have you on board.” “I look like an egg!” Aspik announces, T-posing. Chat turns to Rena, feeling like he has been punched in the solar plexus. What the hell? he mouths. Rena grimaces, her eyes wide with panic. Stomach sinking, Chat remembers one of the first things he learned about the Fox Miraculous: that if Rena Rouge isn’t focused, her illusions go haywire. Oh, no.

Rec List: cannot emphasize enough this one makes me cry laughing every time. I don't know what it is, man. It's just so fucking funny. I haven't watched this show in years and still I go back and reread this when I remember it exists.

Sam Green and the Strange, Perplexing, Almost Bad, Very Confusing Night(s) by pukner

Fandom: Stranger Things; Rating: G; Category: Gen, M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - WIP (1/2)

"'M I bein' kidnapped?" asked Harrington. "What," said Sam, alarmed, "No!" "Okay," said Harrington with terrifying agreeability, considering the words he was saying, "But like. If you were? It's cool, I've been kidnapped before." "Wh—" "It was, uh. A bunch of twelve-year-olds," said Harrington, sounding strangely pensive. Then, sadly, "They stole B'lly's car." Sam actually could not process anything being said right then. He started the car. "Hey, Harrington?" he said, voice strained. "Yeah?" "Let's stop talking for a while, yeah?" "'Kay." Or, in November 1984, Sam Green (or Freak, if he's at a gig) sees Steve Harrington stumbling home looking like roadkill. He drives him to the hospital, and never quite manages to get rid of him. In July 1985, Eddie Munson is very confused about this.

Rec Notes: Every work by this author is so, so good. I don't even go here--god, why is that a pattern on this list?--but I'm always excited to see them in my inbox. I only chose this particular one (a) by virtue of it being the most recent and therefore the one I remembered best and (b) Mall Goop.

The Mysterious Benedict Society and the Epistolary Bullying Campaign by viramine / @mvshortcut

Fandom: The Mysterious Benedict Society; Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

"To LD Curtain (I refuse to believe you actually earned your doctorate): When I opened the newspaper over my nutritious breakfast this morning, I was greeted by the most terrible and disgusting sight in the world (your face). Now I am going to take several moments of your time to express my displeasure." Or, how did Curtain know they called themselves the Society, anyway?

Rec Notes: Iconic as fucking always. Top-tier author, top-tier comedy; have my hand in marriage, etc. Constance terrorizing Curtain is always wonderful but this is probably the best version of that. Great characterization, deeply hilarious and so so funny, always worth rereading over and over. The best, ♾️/10 stars

Geoffrey M'Benga: Vulcan (Love??) Guru by WerewolvesAreReal

Fandom: Star Trek (TOS); Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Post-Amok Time. “The only conclusion M'Benga can draw, based on all McCoy's questions about Vulcans, is that the man is enamored with Commander Spock. Someone should really tell him that pigtail-pulling stops being cute when you're eight.” Misunderstandings, genfic, humor.

Rec Note: Yet another author I always and without fail am absolutely thrilled to see in my inbox. And this fic? Regular reread. Absolutely incredible.

A dis-ass-ter by normal_thoughts_official / @normal-thoughts-official

Fandom: Shadowhunters; Rating: M; Category: F/F, M/M, Multi, Other - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

Simon and Maia find out what the Mark of Cain is in an... Alternate way. Namely, they can't get their spanking session on. The squad is called in to help.

Rec Notes: [announcer voice] FROM WRITING GENIUS NORMAL-THOUGHTS-OFFICIAL IT'S!!!! THE POLYCULE SPANKING ASS PORTAL FIC!!!! Truly so funny and from one of the best authors on this damn site, wonderful characterization, on point comedy, and impeccable taste as always. Blowing you a kiss. Tossing bouquets. Firing confetti cannons. Etc.

A Way Things Should Be by LullabyKnell / @lullabyknell

Fandom: The Hobbit (Movies); Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (16/16)

In the Shire, hobbits say, "What lovely weather we've having." They also stir their teacups for four and a half clockwise rotations, place their left elbow seven-eighths down the way of the arm rest, and sniffled pointedly, which roughly translates to: "This tea is over-steeped and bland, your furniture is both uncomfortable and horrifically tasteless, and you're a twit of a host." And I think that's beautiful. ~ Hobbitish is a language of manners and etiquette, the dwarves don't even know that Hobbitish is a thing, and Bilbo is trying to keep a straight face and his peace of mind while the Company unintentionally keeps sexually propositioning him and challenging him to pie-eating contests to the death. ~ Actions speak so much louder than words.

Rec Notes: Truly a stunning fic. An absolute masterpiece. Hilarious, touching, perfectly paced. Incredibly long and well-thought out, great characterization, and again, I cannot stress this enough, hilarious. I once recommended this to a person out loud irl in real life on purpose. A person who had never heard of fanfiction. Admittedly I was a high-schooler at the time, so it's not like I had much sense (not that I have any now), but I still didn't normally do that. He thought it was hilarious, by the way. Read some excerpts out loud at lunch and had them howling. Wonderful fic, cannot recommend enough; so fucking funny and the premise is just. so good.

--- --- --- ---

And now, because I'm selfish, here's a few crack fics I wrote, because. why not, am I right? I'm already putting way too much time into this probably.

-- -- -- -- --

Rupert Mannion Is Batman (He Isn't)

Fandom: Ted Lasso; Rating: M; Category: M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (13/13)

A series of bizarre, loosely related events occur, all kicked off by Trent absently mentioning that he may or may not have once hooked up with Rupert Mannion.

Author Note: I had so much fun with this one. It's not my most popular crack fic--even my most popular Ted Lasso crack fic--but it amuses me.

dreams of falling

Fandom: House MD; Rating: M; Category: M/M - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

House and, among other things: green couches, being kissed by Wilson, lightning-fast overthinking, and talking to himself.

Author Note: My first time writing House, and entirely on an impulse. I really like some of the lines in here, like Chase's brief appearance.

gemini schmemini

Fandom: The Mysterious Benedict Society (TV); Rating: T; Category: Gen - No Archive Warnings Apply - Complete (1/1)

"You're his clone?" demanded Kate loudly, looking between Mr. Benedict and Curtain. His what. There were a lot of answers he could give to this. No, who in the world told you that, we're twins, being the main one, or perhaps he could just turn to his brother and say, did you seriously fucking tell people you cloned yourself instead of owning up to not being an only child?! But looking at his brother, who was keeping his face utterly blank, Nicholas made a split second decision. "No," he said, looking his brother directly in the eyes, "Actually, he's my clone."

Author Note: I had a harder time choosing between my MBS crack fics because I think they're all hilarious. No false modesty here, if there's one thing I am occasionally good at it is being funny as fuck. Not reliably, but, you know. Anyway, I asked my friends to choose between three random ones I think are the funniest and this was the unanimous (of the two people that responded on incredibly short notice) vote!

And now...

[crumchycow]

a get to know you better meme

thanks for the tag @thestrangeillusion

do you make your bed?

Nope never, if something doesn't need to be tidied it will not be tidied, have left a bucket in the middle of my room for 9 months because of this.

what's your favourite number?

Don't have one

what is your job?

Currently just a student I kinda need to get a job but studying and working is a lot for me and acquiring a job is annoying and hard so uethggghhhh

If you could go back to school would you?

Um will I continue studying? Maybe....

can you parallel park?

No

a job you had that would surprise people?

None? Probably the most interesting way I have earned money is the only commission I've ever had, which was my mum commissioning me for her work (kindergarten) because they needed 30 little icon drawings that each kid has at like their bag hook and on their stuff to identify them, she didn't like the person who used to do it because they were weird about it for some reason and the designs were kinda cluttered and ugly so my mum was like my child can draw? Yes! and this way I can be really fussy and specific with it.

(dw she paid me quite well)

do you think aliens are real?

In the sense of any life existing outside of earth? yes 100% would be weird if there isn't. In the sense of complex or intelligent life? probably. In the sense of there are human equivalent creatures that have achieved space travel and are equally or more technologically advanced than us, unlikely but possible. Just thinking about how much time life has existed without humans and how long humans have existed before any ideas of space exploration and the very specific technologies and discoveries that were necessary for space exploration I wouldn't be surprised if we are the only ones. Also just like how incredibly difficult space travel beyond our solar system is I think it's unlikely we will truly know or make contact.

can you drive a manual car?

No :) do not care to learn. fuck cars and driving is boring i only learn to drive because its kinda necessary where i live :( get me good public transport government please

what's your guilty pleasure?

im guilty about alot things like drinking milk, eating too much sugar, spending too much money, doing literally anything i will find a way to feel guilty about it but thats just my general state of being since i was a child and i mostly ignore it or work around it.

I guess in the more traditional sense of things i like that are embarrassing and i wouldnt want people to know, it would be reading fucked up smut. Particularly my fondness for incest ships? Don't know why I suspect it is the codependency. but yeah umm...

Tattoos?

Not yet but I wanna get a spider (not decided which) on my back soon.

favourite colour?

Peach

favourite type of music?

Um I mostly listen to kpop because uh autism? idk, but I genuinely like a lot of music. Some of my favourite music is like objectively awful and difficult to listen to, I think I often like music that is complex and has lots of things.

Some of my favourite artists trying to include multiple genres I like:

Mamamoo

Stray Kids

Taemin

F.T. island

Jeff Satur

S3rl

Enaria

Chopin (I'm learning one of his preludes atm it's v pretty)

Vivaldi

BabyBeard

GHOST (vocaloid producer)

also gregorian chants slap (not christian, vocal harmonies just make me feral)

do you like puzzles?

Yes! I just recently was like y'know what I haven't done in years but suddenly really need to do:

But also just generally like I LOVE maths and figuring out things and patterns and stuff so fun.

any phobias?

Nope

favourite childhood sport?

Um not that into sport, I guess I wanted to play netball when I was like 8 (but that might've just been because that's the thing you do) but I missed the trial periods 2 years in a row but kinda glad I didn't I know multiple people with permanent injuries from playing netball as a kid/teen and my joints are not the most functional in the first place. Do still enjoy playing casually every now and then.

do you talk to yourself?

Yes my favourite hobby, I have the best conversations with myself, will stay up for hours just talking to myself. Also great for preparing for real conversations. I love it when a topic I fully thought about and talked to myself comes up in conversation and it's like fuck yeah gonna ace this one.

what movie(s) do you adore?

Hmmm not the biggest fan of movie as a story format but uh have seen how to train your dragon at least 20 times and I need to watch it again sometime soon, been craving that animal/human enemies to deep emotional connection best buds.

coffee or tea?

Love coffee, but over half of my daily water consumption is through tea (usually multiple kinds)

Would be less alive without tea also its just like so diverse, green tea!black tea! rooibos! masala chai! rosehip! liquorice! peppermint..... camomile! and so much more with sugar! with milk! with honey! or lemon! hot! cold! literally my favourite, shoutout to whoever invented plant in water. Also soup different kind of plant in water but still absolutely banging humans peaked at plant in water best things invented.

and caffeine doesn't affect me like at all? so i only drink these things for taste.

first thing you wanted to be growing up?

Idk the first but I know at some stage I wanted to be an author or a marine biologist (why is this so common who put it in our heads? Actually maybe David Attenborough....) probably the first was an animal or something

egh its rambly and may not make sense but whatever, also revealing any information about myself on the internet scares me even though literally nobody could do anything with this information like guys pls dont dox me through knowing my mum is a kindergarten teacher

tagging @gaylittlepieceofsh1t @mousydentist @mr-bazongos @wildelydawn @thestarscanalwayslookatus @fiddlepickdouglas @ae-azile and any one who wants to, no pressure tho <333

[dballzposting]

Dballzposting rant

In the DBS:SH movie they came out with the statement that Saiyan children will be little until one day they sprout up like weeds. This was the case for Goku. But this was not how Gohan was handled. But with Goten & Trunks they were like .... No yeah let's get back to that. Let's recontextualize Goku's past into Saiyan canon. Gohan was just a freak of nature and should not be taken as the standard

And for all I know this could have already been an implicit decision done when they made DBS, they just never outright said it but elected to show it.

Or maybe they just didn't want to change Goten & Trunks's designs or personalities too much (more than likely).

Personal story time. Some of you may be aware of my pipe dream of ask-tarble my silly rabbit ask-tarble. When I conceptualized ask-tarble it was April of 2022, and the DBS:SH movie didn't air until August of that same year.

I decided back then to have Goten & Trunks to be around 13 & 14 on ask-tarble (timeline reasons, and also I wanted to portray Trunks with braces for some reason. I did a lot of random things that summer for "some reason." I was kind of off my rocker.), and I also decided to - unlike on DBS - actually show Goten & Trunks maturing in a more human way. I felt at the time that this would be more relatable to an audience, would ameliorate the conceptual infuriation of how that wasnt the case on DBS, and -- ultimately, essentially, long story short -- I Thought That It Would Be the funniest possible thing to do.

Okkkkkkkkkkkk cool fine. But then the movie came out and I felt real fucking funny about my decision (that was already put into motion and that I felt couldn't be taken back). I knew that I COULD retcon the few posts I had going and honor the newfound canon, but, I didnt really want to. I decided to push forward with what I had.

But it still bugs me. And then they recently reinforced that little Saiyan fact AGAIN on Dragon Ball Daima, when Krillin tells Trunks that he doesn't look like he's aged a bit.

Which is fineeeeeeee. Except for the fact that I really don't like to be outright contrary to canon without a solid cause, and I've had hoards of doubts over the past few years about the chosen characterizations for Goten & Trunks on ask-tarble, even though it's all theoretical and in my head still, I just kind of hate what I've set up.

And ultimatelyyyy. This is the big one. I've changed a lot since summer of 2022. I've gotten stronger and better and faster and wiser .....

I thought then that teenage age groups are funny and thats not wrong. But whats also exceedingly funny, that I just couldnt understand back then, is Goten & Trunks as they are now.

Walk & talk with me. Goten is at his absolute funniest when he expresses a negative opinion. It's what makes him real & believable. Most of the time on screen he is happy go-lucky and naive, he is trusting, he is excitable, and this is great fun, but it means that when he DOES think that something is shit, it's so funny. Like when in DBS he thought that The Great Saiyaman was totally lameboat. And then he put on a pair of sunglasses about it.

He's at his funniest when he embodies the conviction of an old man sitting on his porch, as young children sometimes do, learning how to be human by mirroring the adults in their lives - but still putting their own spin on it.

I mean ... If you have an ask blog then you have total creative freedom of what you do. There could be so many funny moments. Extended Son Goten screentime.

It could be precisely like that Tails Gets Trolled bit when Shadow was talking about his gruesome and morbid experience in time jail or something and Sonic was just like "Ok well that's stupid."

That's Goten. He overlooks everything you just said becasue there were a few joints in your story that felt derivative or cheap and so he's just like "Ok well that's stupid."

That would be so funny. And real as well

I mean he could (and will) still be like that as a young teen but it's just funnier if he's a child. He contorts his brow like an old man and makes his evaluation your problem

[taysdorothea13]

Yeah no i don’t think wren does drugs like that. Espeically w smoking since a lot of that leads to lung cancer and same w taylor since she’s had a history of those issues. It’s only rlly edibles (+joints) because in my mind even taylor doesn’t want her to be around weed n smoking even if a lot of her friends do it, even when wren is a teen. She makes sure she has a healthy relationship w alcohol and weed, so she’s always checking in w how wren is doing w edibles. She cares too much to have her girl spiraling back into issues w weed and drugs, so she’s doesn’t overdo it 

i mean… yes but also no. i said wren doesn’t do hard drugs, but she does smoke weed/occasionally vape. also, taylor’s been in the industry for nearly twenty years… she has an entire album rooted in a 70s aesthetic where the album cover is her holding a zippo lighter, a music video where she is literally dancing in rooms filled with smoke and has to outright clarify it’s not that kind of powder party. obviously it could have entirely separate meanings… but that’s what i choose to take away from it. (also i do remember her posting an insta story where people were speculating if she was trying to hide a vape… which that seems a little more farfetched then im willing to agree with, but it has been speculated for a while that taylor does drugs/smokes). as for not wanting wren around it, obviously she doesn’t want her kid in the same room as someone lighting up a joint, but it’s also unrealistic to completely shield her from it when they’re lives are rooted in hollywood events/scenes. but also, i didn’t mean wren and taylor are chain smokers when i said they smoke socially 😭 i just know that new york is literally drug central, and hitting a strawberry vape is a much better social habit than doing random lines of coke in a club bathroom.

and as for wren spiraling over drugs/alcohol, it’s actually so beneficial that wren has friends that drink/smoke. she trusts them fully, even when james is drunk as fuck on her couch, or gracie’s high as fuck raiding her fridge. growing up, taylor was very rarely drunk around wren, but there were times when she came home and was tipsy and wren was still awake, or times when she was up in the middle of the night having a glass of wine and wren came down after having a bad dream or just because she was restless. there was a lot of work and trust that was built between her and taylor before she was truly okay with alcohol, and the same goes for weed. but now that she’s faced the initial fear/trauma, it only benefits her to have healthy relationships where her friends prove that timothy isn’t the normal. obviously she’s still wary, obviously there are days where it triggers her, but that’ll happen regardless. wren cannot tolerate scotch. that was always timothy’s drink of choice if he wasn’t just nursing beers or downing vodka. his breath always smelled like scotch, and even as an adult that can tolerate being around alcohol, just the smell of it alone brings her right back to the times where he’d get in her face and yell until she wet herself from fear. wren’s therapist encourages her exposure, and anytime she’s triggered by something in particular, they have a conversation about it. but she’s a twenty year old kid living alone in new york city… she needs to be able to handle the exposure in at least some capacity.

wren is an adult the first time she takes edibles, and she trusts her relationship with taylor enough to call her when she panics. taylor doesn’t need to be breathing over her shoulder constantly checking in. what wren chooses to do is her business, and all taylor can do is be there if she needs it. taylor’s been telling wren that her trauma doesn’t define who she is as a person since she was five, wren genuinely cannot tolerate people who are always pushing her triggers in her face. she gets beyond annoyed if someone tries to get her out of a situation because they think she won’t be able to handle herself, and it especially pisses her off when others try to give her advice claiming to ‘have her best interest at heart’. she was the one who got beaten when her foster father was shitfaced. she was the one who got locked in a bedroom for days at a time when both of her foster parents were on a coke bender. it’s her trauma, it’s her healing journey. honestly it’s a very delicate thing for taylor and wren to handle as wren steps into her late teenage years and early twenties. for a long couple of years taylor has to battle the fact that she knows all of her kids triggers, but can’t keep wren away from them anymore, and wren just begs taylor to trust that she knows what she’s doing. taylor’s not always going to be there to save her, and it’s important to wren that she learns how to be okay on her own, because for the majority of her life taylor was there to scoop her up and shield her from anything and everything.

i hope this made sense 😭 and once again just a reminder that taylor can do whatever the fuck she wants. she’s a grown adult and a stranger to me. my fics are only slightly based in reality, as i’ve said a million times. i follow the timeline of taylor’s public life and i mention some events that occurred, but at the same time the taylor im writing is a character. i’ve had some people get genuinely mad when i add certain details in chapters saying “taylor would never do this”… im so glad you think you know her so well, but taylor also doesn’t have a five year old foster daughter that went through hell… so what are you really trying to prove 😭 anyways i’m rambling, but yeah! no wren doesn’t do hard drugs and taylor’s not smoking a pack every day so i hope everyone gets the full picture now