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valaruakars · 2 years ago

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Let's Get Physical (Part 7)

Viktor/F!Reader || 6.3k || Modern!AU + Gym!AU || SFW

Bitches hate you for your overzealous approach to supporting your friends and deeply anxious behavior. Viktor is not bitches.

A/N: Omg. We're here. We're back on our bullshit. Thank you to everyone who beta'd and/or provided me free therapy about this for that past um... seven months. Oops. Thank you to everyone who reached out over the (unintentional) hiatus with encouraging comments and asks. I hope you'll understand why I took so long to handle this with care and unpack some of my own issues. Very cathartic. Would recommend.

Part 1 → Part 2 → Part 3 → Part 4 → Part 5 → Part 5.2 (nsfw) → Part 6 → Part 7 (Ao3 Link)

Before you know it, two weeks and a day have passed. They make no palpable difference.

Except maybe in your quadriceps.

The same weights you’ve been using feel almost effortless, too easy. You don’t fatigue as quickly into heavy breathing and the urge to cheat yourself a rep or two—not lunging with the dumbbell gripped at one of its wide ends, not squatting while it’s clutched close to your chest. It’s suddenly not enough.

Nobody’s around to see it, but progress is progress. Turns out, you’ve finally graduated to heavier weights on this lonely leg day you’ve committed to.

That’s a bit of a misnomer, though. The day is mostly past you now. It’s evening—crisp and wispy, sky like striated fire outside the garage—and as the sun sets, you’re reminded of the late start you’re up against. All because you forgot something.

A good attitude is optional. A scrunchie you can live without. But your shoes? Leave them forgettably kicked off in two different directions on your bedroom floor and you’re fucked. It’s a small miracle you’re here, dragging around weight plates, setting up a barbell. There was a very real danger of tripping and falling into bed—totally by accident, never to get up again—when you drove home and stomped upstairs to grab them.

But whether or not he knows it, likely the latter, Viktor keeps you accountable when no one else can. It’s because the only running you truly love is the risk of seeing him, which still requires proper footwear. And for you to leave the house.

Though by the time you whipped into the driveway and thrust the gear shift into park, it’s empty. He’d left already; you didn’t get to see him off on his reluctant shuffle through the garage. But lucky you—he tends to come straight home after physical therapy. Call it friendly concern that you’re paying attention.

It’s probably an odd way to think about a friend. You need to work on that.

Your phone vibrates dully on the padded bench beside you. Nearly knocking your water over in the process, you grab it to find a text from Jayce—the usual culprit. You slide it open, accidentally brushing the top of the screen with shaky fingers. It catapults you to the beginning of your most recent messages before you can read the new one.

Mon, Oct 10

[Jayce Talis, 5:56am]: Did you leave the back door unlocked last night? [Jayce Talis, 5:57am]: And the pool lights on? [Jayce Talis, 5:57am]: Was Viktor in the pool?

[7:32am]: Holy shit. Good morning. [7:33am]: No, no, and why do you think I know these things??

[Jayce Talis, 7:45am]: Sorry, it’s all good. He’s alive.

[7:46am]: ???????

[Jayce Talis, 7:49am]: You guys didn’t hang out after I left?

[7:57am]: Idk if you would consider it that. [8:02am]: But has anyone invited him to cards on Saturday??

[Jayce Talis, 8:17am]: He already said no. [Jayce Talis, 8:18am]: Although… [Jayce Talis, 8:19am]: You could try telling him it’s strip poker. Haha :)

[8:20am]: Blocked. Reported. Banned. NOT DOING THAT.

[Jayce Talis, 8:21am]: No wait! I was kidding. He’s not a creep :(

Tue, Oct 11

[Jayce Talis, 3:38pm]: Wait did you actually block me?

[3:50pm]: Yes.

Sun, Oct 16

[Tayce Jalis, 8:00am]: Can I have my t-shirt back today?

[8:31am]: Oh the really old anime one? I left it with some stuff to be washed, ask Viktor. [8:32am]: Maybe the dryer did you a favor and ate it.

[Tayce Jalis, 8:34am]: Hey! Naruto is timeless.

Today

Tayce Jalis unsent a message

Not fast enough to scroll back down, caught revisiting those unremarkable little messages, and now you’ll never know what Jayce’s butt managed to text you this time. Oh well. Keep your secrets.

You toss your phone down behind you with a leathery slap. Back to working on the whole stop pining after Viktor thing.

Right, and your legs.

The barbell bites into your hips as you roll it into your lap and adjust it, the bench presses into your shoulder blades. It’s heavier and harder to manage, but you do, driving down into your heels to get your ass off the ground, hefting yourself into a nice, solid bridge. From there it’s as easy as dipping your hips, which isn’t quite easy at all. No, it’s brutal.

It burns from your core down to your thighs; has you clenching your jaw, gritting your teeth with the strain. Even your biceps are active, lifting some of the steel-hard pressure off your hip bones.

You’re so zoned in—no thoughts, head empty except for the number six over and over until it’s seven—that you only hear the hiss of your breath in and out, the hammering rush of blood behind your ears. You don’t hear Viktor come home.

Not until he’s standing above you.

He had the heinous metal on metal sound in his old beige car fixed—that grinding, grating death knell in its engine. One of several potentially life threatening reasons the check engine light was always on—maybe still is. And though you much prefer him living, it’s harder to hear him coming over the steady music without paying attention.

Bad timing for Miss Carly Rae Jepsen on your Upbeat Workout Jams playlist, considering you do really, really, really like him. Him and how he stands at the end of the bench, staring down; how he fixes you with that sliver thin smile, a manila folder tucked under the arm of his long cardigan.

You seize with embarrassment, frozen on the upswing of your hips. “Hi,” whispers out on the end of an exhale, caught ragged in your throat.

You can’t do pelvic thrusts in front of him.

You just can’t.

It’s bad enough that you’re sweaty in every skin to skin crevice and certainly flushed, t-shirt sticky and legs trembling as they hold your awkward position, but then there’s him.

He wears that same look much better. On him, it’s healthy color across the cut lines of his cheeks; it’s still-damp curls at the nape of his neck and the jump of his lean throat when he swallows, dry when he must’ve forgotten a water bottle again. It’s suggestive. It’s hot.

And it’s the endorphins that make you feel that way, surely, more than any affinity for men in gray sweatpants that are far more revealing than they must realize.

You clear your throat, finding your own parched voice. “Watch your feet,” you warn, on the side of caution, dropping butt and barbell to the ground with a metallic thud. You let your head drop back against the bench pad, staring up at him with the dazed satisfaction of calling it quits. Only for the moment, of course, as you blindly feel around for your phone to turn the music down.

And good fucking god is what you see unholy. Viktor shifts his weight before you can look away, and the ache in your core redoubles—different, deeper than any lactic acid buildup. Did his pants shrink in the wash or is it really that m—?

Nope! Absolutely not!

You can tread no further with that thought because, really, there’s no such thing as having a platonic appreciation for your friend’s dick. Not when the friend is Viktor.

“You’re not finished yet?” he asks. Innocent. Oblivious to your mental struggle out of the gutter.

Typically you would be by now. Equipment racked, the citrus scent of disinfectant on your hands, picking at innocuous conversation while you walk inside together. How was your day? Did you hear they’re demolishing the old physics building? There’s a guest lecture next month that might interest you.

“About another thirty minutes,” you breathe, “and then I’ll be done. I’m running behind.”

“Ah, interesting. That looks to me more like sitting,” he says, which is terrible enough to earn an eye roll, and snarky enough that your lips wobble and break into an insurmountable smile.

“It’s called resting, thanks. This would go faster if you stopped distracting me,” you huff, muscles loose, lips looser.

The little spark of mirth in his eyes, so bright and awake, makes your stomach clench vice tight. “Mm. There’s no rush,” he shrugs, “but… Rio might enjoy a visit.”

Your smile is skeptical as he pulls the file folder from beneath his arm. “Oh really?” It widens as he starts to fan you from above—chilly in the garage, but you’re still sweating buckets. It’s futile, although he’s sweet to try and help.

He nods, gravely serious, “She told me herself.”

You crane your neck unconsciously to let it cool the sweat that lingers there, sighing as little wisps of loose hair billow feather light and tickle your feverish skin.

He isn’t holding it right, though. His grip is too loose on the edge.

At once, a flurry of white comes raining down on you. It’s instinct that your eyes clamp shut against the onslaught.

“No, no, no,” he hisses as if begging could stop gravity.

It doesn’t, of course.

His papers flutter and scrape across the floor. An unlucky one sticks to the sweat on your scrunched up cheek. He’s quick to dip forward and snatch it back first, the easiest to reach.

You blink off the surprise and snicker, “Oh, how the tables have turned. Who’s the clumsy one now?” Rolling the barbell away over your outstretched legs, there’s nothing in its path to be crumpled beneath the weight.

But Viktor doesn’t answer with a crooked smile or a quiet laugh, no dry wit to be found. His dark, heavy brows furrow and he insists, “No, just—just let me,” while he crouches to the ground, distributing his weight between his cane and the end of the bench.

“It’s okay,” you insist, reaching to gather what’s scattered between you, “I’ve got it. No big deal.”

“To you,” he mutters, snatching two away before you can turn them over. Makes him lose balance. He narrowly catches himself before he can veer face first into your spandex lap,, blunt, bony fingers digging into your thigh at the hem of those skin tight biker shorts. It crushes the papers all the same.

“Top secret nuclear codes?” you tease, drowning his muttered apologies. It sounds stupid and obvious that you’re trying to distract from the fumbling tension when his hand stays put for moments too long. Yours, too, on his shoulder to brace him.

Just until he’s able to sit himself solidly on the ground beside you.

He purses his lips, “My work is with reactor cores, not weapons.”

It’s only been a week since you got an impromptu lecture about nuclear fusion in the kitchen. It’s not like you’d forget so quickly. “I know—”

Impatient, Viktor reaches over your lap, too close for comfort. Whatever you were about to say is struck from your train of thought.

His cardigan drags soft and pilled with wear across your beat up knees. Beneath it, his sweat smells sharp and strangely appealing. It’s fascinating, that draw to something so base and human. It’s unsettling, the way your heart responds like it beats between your legs.

You follow his hand, unabashedly curious, and watch him pick up another overturned paper. Below it, the next sheet is stuck face up to the floor with what you cringe to assume is a drop of your sweat, bleeding the ink of a diagram. Multiple diagrams, actually.

Of stretches.

The familiarity sparks excitement.

By the time he peels up the corner of the page with his fingernail, you’re sure of what you’re looking at. It’s common ground, of a sort; the excuse to end all excuses.

“These are from the physical therapist?”

He sighs, sitting back in an awkward fold of spindly legs. Looks wearier, now, with his shoulders collapsed like the exhaustion of going has finally caught up. “Yes,” he admits, because you’re smart and he’s smart, and any other answer would be an obvious lie.

You’re doing it again—digging your fingers into a soft spot that feels as ripe as it does intrusive. We do not talk about it much, he once said, but it’s hard to stop once you’ve started. You just have to know: “Do you do them?”

His eyes cut down to the papers in his hands. “When time permits.”

“How often does it permit?”

“Occasionally,” says Viktor, which might mean somewhere between rarely and never.

Early mornings, late nights; classes to teach, lab hours to log, projects, papers, and a dissertation that looks done to you, but he laughs bitterly when you suggest it. Still has to find time to eat and shower and sleep, but his eyes are always restless purple and there are wrappers from meal replacement bars scattered around the house, too high calorie for Jayce to be the culprit.

You wonder what will happen when it all catches up with him. Worse, you worry.

Beseechingly, you reach out. Your grip is gentle as you take hold of the printouts at their edge. “Can I see?” you ask, not grabbing or pulling or taking, just there and ready.

His lips form a tight, considering line. “If that is the last of your questions,” he slowly replies. Prickly, but relenting, he lets go before you can ever agree.

So you don’t.

His eyes are on you as you flip through the stack—you can feel it as a strange, shy tension like bated breath, watching and waiting.

Page by page, it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. Some you’ve even done yourself, but with simple modifications. Hell, bridges are just hip thrusts performed flat on the floor, without the weight. Nothing he’d need help with, which is ideal when you’re not qualified to do anything but make space for him; to emphasize that he’s welcome and wanted, maybe offer up a sweaty-palmed high five if you’re feeling spunky.

You peel your legs off the floor and resituate, tucking them as your turn to face him, direct in every sense. “You could come do these with us on Sunday mornings after we run, before you get started on work. It would make Jayce happy, and Vi has a really funny way of being encouraging—”

He pulls a face—a nose scrunched up, barely concealed, abso-fucking-loutely not sort of scowl.

“Or…” you’re quick to try, “Just with me, when I’m here. It’ll take, what—fifteen? Twenty minutes?”

“It’s a poor use of time,” he says. It’s as avoidant as it is clumsy, with a dismissive edge still dull enough to bruise.

And that’s because: “You stop and talk to me for longer than that sometimes,” you remind him flatly.

He sighs sharply, toying absently with the cane laid across his lap. “That is different.” He says it like it’s obvious; like it’s frustrating that you don’t know how obvious it is.

“Well, what if we could do both at the same time?” you propose. After all, he’s got such a hard-on for efficiency, if that’s what’s stopping him. “I know you’re a good multitasker…”

His jaw works, trapping his thoughts behind imperfect teeth.

“And we probably keep this floor cleaner than the carpet…” you prod, because the silence of a man who can and has talked your ear off is disquieting; because you don’t always know when to stop; because this feels like a negotiation.

“My bedroom suits my purposes just fine,” he says, eventually.

But you never said which carpet. The thought of him sequestered in there, even for this, is fucking depressing. Arguably disgusting when you’ve walked across that rug and felt the grit of dirt, crumbs, and debris that the pattern hides through your socks. And worse: It’s a choice, so why is he making it?

Abruptly, the rubber tipped end of his cane meets like against the rubber tiled floor. He pulls himself up on it with difficulty you can’t ignore, but shakes his head when you move to help. The only thing you do is hand him up the battered stack of papers, tucked back into the folder from which they came, when he stands up fully. You won’t hold them hostage, even if part of you wants to. It wouldn’t keep him from leaving, his back to you such a familiar sight.

You just want to understand, though, if nothing else. To crack him like a cipher.

Softer, you try: “I wouldn’t judge you.” It’s the last, desperate little thing you can think of. They’re like magic words to you.

But the problem is: They don’t work on everyone.

To his credit, his tone isn’t harsh. It’s indifferent, like stating a sterile fact. “This has nothing to do with you,” he says. “I haven’t skipped an appointment recently, and that should be enough.”

Indigence might suit you in those moments you grow a seedling backbone, but it doesn’t suit this. You can’t help it though. His frustration has bled into you, caught like kindling. “Is it?”

“You and I do not share the same sense of priorities,” he replies, but it’s not an answer. Not really.

The urge to turn him upside down and shake him until something definitive comes out is overwhelming—so straightforward until he just… isn’t. “If you’re not going to say yes or no, can’t you just lie and say you’ll think about it?”

He looks you over inscrutably, sitting there in his shadow. “Why would you assume it’s a lie?”

“Oh, I don’t know…” you huff. But you do. Experience and a certain friend who actually bothers to text you back have given you the answer. “Jayce says you’re stubborn and I’m starting to think he’s right.”

Viktor nods conclusively, but doesn’t care to share what’s going through his head. As evasive as ever when he cares to be, just murmurs,“You should finish this.”

And then, for a reason that is simply beyond you, says: “I will see you later.”

But for once, you’re not sure if you want to.

—

You rap your knuckles against his open door.

Seriously—who were you kidding, thinking for even a second that you wouldn’t be here, doing this?

Yes, it’s well after eight now and you’re pitifully hungry, but it wouldn’t feel right to leave without saying anything. In writing a note or sending a text, you’d simply be spelling out, ‘I’m a coward!’ in far more words. It’s best, you decide, to be polite and mature and just say goodnight despite the awkward taste in your mouth that is very reminiscent of your own foot.

And you get to say it to his back, which should be easy.

But then there’s Rio on his desk like a pissed off paperweight, swimming the foggy side of her holding tank—sorry, prison—without any hope of escape. They’re the angriest, most pathetic wiggles you’ve ever seen. Habitual, given how tongue-smudged and abraded the plastic has become.

“You see?” he says, gesturing to the sound of her scrabbling in his bright rubber kitchen gloves. “It’s just as I said.”

“I think it’s more about you ignoring her.” Rio pauses, slipping down the side. Her little face conveys it perfectly: “Father is cruel? Father is… unyielding? Father hates Rio?”

“No, no… Although, eh, yes, I suppose she does sound like that…” he muses, nodding. “I think she must wonder those things about you, actually.”

Your shoulder hits the door frame, shrugging against it where you lean. “I probably don’t matter much to her.”

There’s a heavy pause, enough for him to breathe in and hold it. Breathe out, softly: “You do.”

And suddenly, you can’t find it in you to leave. Did you ever truly have the will?

The truth is there on your feet—those perpetually mismatched socks. You’d hoped for this, secretly, else you wouldn’t have left your shoes off at the door.

It’s warm when you walk in. A space heater that’s been running too long glows electric orange on the floor near his desk. Makes the smell of churned earth and vinegar cleaner that much stronger. And while the clutter is clearly endemic, it seems the fuzzy, stagnant mugs are not. They’re all gone from his desk and the bedside table, replaced by sticky notes, pill bottles, and an avalanche of papers.

You come up and give Rio’s tiny, clawed foot a high-five through the plastic. “Has she been doing this all night?” you ask, looking over.

Knee on the desk chair for leverage, he’s elbows deep in her tank, rooting those waxen, fake plants back into the substrate with unnatural posture. It’s that stiffness you’ve always noticed—ramrod straight from the mid-spine up. It’s easier to see in profile, in a thin shirt that clings to his back, that there’s nothing visibly forcing it.

“On and off. She tires quickly now,” he says, arranging a broad-leafed plant near her favorite rocky shelter—scrubbed clean, still damp. “When she was younger, it would go on much longer while I did this.”

“How old is she exactly?”

His sigh is almost lost beneath the hum of the space heater. He answers, “Fifteen,” in the soft, subdued way of someone who hates to be reminded.

There’s many things you’re too afraid to ask him. Such hits as: Why did you dig yourself a hole this deep, does Jayce text everyone about you, and would I even stand a chance if things were different? But right now, most of all, it’s how long do geckos live?

You don’t think you’re going to like the answer.

Viktor clears his throat. “She’s very, eh… spritely for her age,” he adds, fondly this time.

You hum a soft sound in agreement, too shaky through the legs to squat down to eye level with her. When you bend your knees to try, you realize you’ll probably never get up again.

He glances over as you straighten up. “You can sit,” he offers without really saying where. It’s obvious, though. The only option—his rumpled bed, never made, with all its mismatched pillows. One has definitely been stolen from the couch, three are yellowed and missing pillowcases which is… ew.

But you’re not going to refuse. You’d like to hold Rio, after all.

You swallow hesitation and tuck yourself onto the end of his mattress, balancing on the firm edge. At least the intrusive thoughts are fleeting. Only briefly do you wonder what he thinks about at night. What he does. What he wants for.

Not you. That’s for sure.

Your elbows lock out where you grip the ridged edge of the bed. The weight of things gone unsaid, of things left unresolved bears down; it prickles warm at the back of your neck and you can’t stand the waiting silence.

“So…” you drawl, letting your voice fill the void.

“Hm?”

“Are you going to hand her to me now, or…?”

“Ah, no, I’m finished,” he says over his shoulder. “She needs to go back in the tank.”

“Then why am I sitting here?”

“Because I have something to ask you.”

Straightforward. Right. You forgot just how terrifying that can be.

“That sounds just as bad as saying we need to talk,” you mutter, heart twisting into a suffocating, arterial knot.

“We do, though,” he says, too literal, too preoccupied with placing Rio back in her clean terrarium to notice your soul leave your body—preemptively abandoning ship.

But he’s merciful, at least. He doesn’t keep you in suspense.

“I just want to understand at what point you developed such a vested interest in, eh… fixing me, I suppose,” he asks, like wondering what the weather will be tomorrow or what the dining hall might serve for lunch. Conversationally. “Did Jayce put you up to this?”

Your eyes narrow in thought. “No…?” you reply. It comes out too shifty as you toy with the serged edge of his blanket. Jayce put you up to something alright, though that hardly matters anymore. But, in a way, does this count? Would Viktor think that this counts?

“A sure answer, please.”

Fuck.

“It’s just that I would lump that in as part of being friends with you—except I’d call it, y’know, caring?” You draw your leg up onto the bed, closer, tucking your foot beneath your thigh. “That’s all I’m trying to do.”

Viktor flips the grate down with a finality that lights your nerves like a beacon to flee. “So he asked you to do what, exactly?”

“Nothing,” you squirm.

He pivots, solidly on two feet. Doesn’t sit down in the desk chair quite yet. “It wouldn’t be the first time for this behavior, and, with you, I’m sure it was not the last. Do you know that he once provided Caitlyn with a written list of topics not to bring up to me?”

You shrug, “He’s a good friend...”

Now you’re staring down the barrel of being just the opposite—of throwing Jayce under the bus.

“What did he ask?” Viktor presses.

And you break. Made brittle by your desire to put him first, of course you do.

“All he wanted was for me to give you a chance, which was pretty reasonable after you called me annoying—” that word comes out with a bite to it you didn’t intend; sensitive, sore, “—but I never told him about that. He’s just… worried about you in his own way, I guess.”

Viktor quietly raises an eyebrow, and that’s all it takes to snap you into fours next. It practically falls out of your mouth: “He keeps texting me to make sure you’re still alive. Sometimes I think he’s joking, but then one time he told me he had a nightmare that you drowned in the pool, so part of me actually thinks he’s being serious.”

“He is.”

“Wait, really—?”

“Is that why you come so often now?”

Wednesday. Friday. Sunday. Monday too, sometimes, if the day before hasn’t left you sufficiently sore enough. The pain means progress. It must.

“Well, no,” you blink, “that’s mainly because I have a lot to work on.”

“Do you?”

You gesture to yourself. All of you. The way your stomach folds and rolls and fucking exists unappealingly beneath your sweatshirt when you slouch��it could be better. The way your thighs pancake out, smushed against the bed—not getting better, but discipline and toning might shape them into something near desirable. “Yeah, obviously.”

He treads lightly. “I… would not say it’s obvious.” But his eyes are cast down as he carefully removes his rubber gloves and discards them in a bucket of cleaning supplies. He’s not rude enough to agree, but you worry, in all those moments you can feel him looking at you, that he’s thinking it. After all, he’s willowy, sharp and elegant in a way you’ll never be. Soft and fleshy. Never quite right.

“And that’s because you’re, what, zero percent body fat?” you sigh, gesturing to him incredulously. “I’m not implying that’s healthy or ideal—honestly, I’d share some if I could—but…” Your hands curl to your chest, clasped tightly in one another when there is no one else to hold them through the indignity of admitting, “I’m the one that needs fixing. Not you.”

He was right, though, when he said it earlier. This isn’t about you. “Where did you come up with that, anyways?” you ask.

The lines on his face, those deep, concerned creases between his brows, spell out what the fuck. You don’t understand what’s so hard about that question—what he can’t figure out, why the confusion lingers in his eyes. “This… This is the second time you’ve offered to help me.”

“I was trying to be supportive. Encouraging, even—that’s also a good word for it.”

“It all feels the same,” he tells you, taking his turn to sigh. “Which is to say patronizing, sometimes.”

And that was not what you intended. “I’m sorry, I’m not trying to be a saint or anything. That’s not entirely it.” You fight the turtle-like urge to retract into your sweatshirt, which would arguably be more stupidly embarrassing than admitting: “I was just looking for… common ground, I guess. Ways to hang out without dragging you out with us.”

“Are we not doing that right now?”

“Sure, but I feel bad about it.” There’s the silvery peek of his computer, buried on the desk. “I’m keeping you from more important things.”

“You’re not,” he says—no, placates, but the disbelieving press of your lips makes him reconsider. “Well, eh, perhaps, but I can manage. I’ve dealt with Heimerdinger’s high expectations and, mm, sadistic deadlines for years. The weekends work well to make up for lost time, and there is all night after this too.”

“You should sleep.”

“I can’t. Not well.”

You give a creaky little bounce—not much of one, no spring to it—to demonstrate: “Maybe because your mattress feels about as hard as sleeping on the ground.”

“One problem of many, yes.”

You count yourself among them, in one way or another. You’ve been leaking these awful insecurities all night.

Is it any wonder that another slips?

“It’s just—the last thing I want is to bother you. Everyone, really, but especially you.”

“Is that because of me?” he asks quietly. “Because of what I said?”

Oh, you’ve carried this around since day one. Let it color his tone and his words and his actions. Let it haunt you trying to reach for others, the freshest nick in a line of scars that was never stitched properly. That’s what you get for letting all those little anxieties run wild with knives in their hands. That’s what you get for forgiving him before he ever asked for it, as if that would make things easier. For you. For him. For everyone.

It hasn’t.

Viktor crosses the three steps between you on bare, nobby feet. His weight dips the bed beside you ever slightly, like he’s hardly there. But he is, by the way his leg bumps your knee, and you scoot over to give him space.

He doesn’t seem to know what to do with his hands, grasping at some distant thread. They’re as awkward as he is in saying, “I can’t recall what I meant at the time, but it… it wasn’t that. It would’ve been fine if you thought less of me for it, but not of yourself.”

You shake your head. “It’s—don’t worry, it’s not all you,” you say, softening his guilt, perhaps at your own expense. “I have a lot of anxiety, and that’s a long running thing, okay? It’s mostly… me.”

“That’s… good to know. About you, I mean. Not that it’s—it’s good. Just, eh, helpful to know.”

“I guess that’s generally the benefit of being upfront about things,” you shrug as if it comes easy.

“I would prefer that, I think.”

It doesn’t, but the light, fizzy feeling of relief makes you want to try, if only to have more of it. Maybe more of his shy little smiles too. This time with more intention, and less leaky word vomit.

“Okay…” You shift to face him fully, mirroring his posture in leaning back on your hand for support. “Then in no uncertain terms, I want you to know that I’m not trying to fix you.” Been there, done that, got the shitty dunce hat. People don’t change unless they want to. You know that. “I just wish you were kinder to yourself, but that’s on you. So if you ever decide you want better, whatever that means, I’ll be there. Only if you want me to and only on your own terms—no physical activity required.”

“I might want to consider it, you know…” His voice lowers, softer and softer with hesitation, to the point that you find yourself leaning in. Noticing, as he seems to have noticed, that your hands are a hair’s breadth apart. “As a future prospect, if anything. But you have to understand, I don’t enjoy being watched.”

“I get that.”

“Mm, no, I imagine people stare at you for very different reasons,” he mutters. “Not pity. Envy, perhaps.”

“I promise, most people don’t want these thunder thighs,” you huff, resisting the urge to slap them like a used car salesman. These babies can fit so much soul-crushing insecurity, which is a terrible pitch, really. The occasional bouts of self-loathing are not your strongest selling point.

He lets out the strangest bark of a laugh, so dry it’s almost ugly, as if he can read your mind.

But you didn’t mean to derail. “Sorry, continue.”

“Right…” Viktor draws in a long breath, quiet for a moment before he figures out how to word it. “It’s as simple as that I would rather go unseen. It’s very, ah, personal. And painful, sometimes.”

You think of the age old adage: If it hurts, don’t do it. “Um, not a doctor, but I don’t think it’s supposed to be?”

“So they say,” he nods pensively, eyes ticking over some distant thought, maybe a memory. “It wasn’t like this before. The discomfort wasn’t… serious. That’s how I was able to ignore it for so long.”

“Ignore what?”

Not the brutal slam of the garage door across the house, for one thing. The pictures on the wall must be hanging crooked now.

Viktor sits straighter—if that’s even possible—and calls out: “Jayce?”

Footsteps—softer, distant.

His eyes snap back to yours. “It’s been a week since he’s come home,” he tells you in a quick whisper. “Mm, well, in the evening. He’s here in the morning—”

“To work out at the ass crack of dawn? I know.”

“You were invited?”

“He knows better than to think I’ll get up that early. I saw on his Instagram.”

Footsteps—louder now.

Viktor nods sagely. “Ah, yes, the stories. By my count, he has written, eh, ‘rise and grind’ forty three times since the first of the year.”

“That’s…” Your math isn’t great but, “More than once a week,” you whisper back, on the cusp of giggles as Viktor nods. And then, it hits you. “Wait—”

But the footsteps have stopped.

And instead, there’s Jayce’s stoop-shouldered figure braced in the doorway. He sniffles loudly.

He’s still dressed in the khakis and blue button down he wears to work—rumpled, sleeve cuffs smeared darker. His eyes have that red, raw, burning swell of someone who's tried very hard not to cry, and failed spectacularly.

Viktor finds the words you’re looking for with immediate precision. “Has something happened?” he asks, voice tight, hand tighter on your shoulder as he leans around you to look his roommate over. “Jayce?”

They spend a lot of time apart. Sometimes it’s easy to forget that they’re best friends too.

He swipes at his nose as it runs into the raw little divot above his lip. Beyond sadness, there’s a guilty cast to his dark, hazel eyes, turned down to the floorboards, but you can’t find your voice to tell him that this isn’t what it looks like.

“Are you… injured?” Viktor tries again.

Jayce shakes his head. No.

“Is your mother alright?”

“She’s fine,” he rasps. “Um… Can I just—?” he asks, gesturing weakly to the two of you.

Which you think must translate to: “You want to come sit?”

“Yeah.”

Viktor’s of course comes without apprehension, without judgment. Only with the apparent surprise that he even needed to ask.

But Jayce, in several long legged strides, doesn’t come sit. No, he collapses face first onto the bed behind you, all broad, shaking shoulders and quiet sniffles seeping out from behind his arms. They hide his face and nothing else. Hands curling, clenching into his shirtsleeve, there’s the thick band of a tan line striped across his middle finger.

You turn yourself around, scooching closer, folding up cross-legged to face him.

You’ve never seen him like this—laid so low. A sweat stain blooms dark at the small of his back, up between his shoulder blades, but sweat is sweat and Jayce is Jayce. You reach out to rub his back despite it. “It’s alright…” you whisper. Feels like putting band-aids on a bleeding heart, but it’s all you have.

Soft cotton weave catches the peeling skin of old blisters as you soothe your hand in circles. His shirt leaches the vetiver smell of cologne, but somewhere beneath it, there’s an elegant, cloying perfume still lingers. It’s no secret where he spends most of his time these days.

You meet Viktor’s searching eyes and mouth: Mel.

He nods gravely as if to say he drew the same conclusion.

Say something—that’s your next silent suggestion, canting your head toward Jayce.

But instead, Jayce takes a deep, wet, shuddering breath and asks, muffled into the mattress, “Can… Can we go to Taco Bell?”

“Sure…” you murmur. He could’ve asked you to drive him two states over to bury a body and you would’ve agreed just as thoughtlessly. Anything he needs. “We’ll take you.”

He doesn’t move. Just sniffles at a prompting little scritch to the nape of his neck, where his hair fades out to shadowy, peach-flesh fuzz.

So you ask, “Do you want to go change, and then I can drive us?”

“Can I just have a minute? Please?”

“Why?” demands a perplexed Viktor, still soft spoken. Desperate for an answer that isn’t made of cobbled assumptions; blunt in its pursuit.

And worried. You can tell that he’s worried.

As if you’d been the one to ask, the personification of wet, doleful misery lifts his head and looks up at you. His face is a ruin of dark, clumpy lashes and tear-tracked skin. His lip wobbles, the pressure of withholding little sobs building, building, building. But speaking it aloud makes it real. Speaking it aloud breaks the levee.

“I think we just broke up,” he finally whispers.

And cries face-down for another hour after that.

#arcane #viktor #viktor arcane #viktor x reader #reader insert #arcane x reader #my writing #literally beating tumblr with a stick i've been formatting this for fOURTY FUCKING MINUTES #GOD.#negl crying like a little bitch from the relief of finally posting this #pour one out for heraldeez who has to listen to me #just like jayce fr fr

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punkscowardschampions · 1 year ago

Text

Jali Pt.2

Ali: [we still haven’t said anything with words of any coherency, which is unusual because can usually never shut your mouth but that’s the level of !! today folks, can take his lead and be tracing your name on him with the intensity you’ve been STARING with for the last however long]

Johnny: [we stan, this boy most of all because there’s no clearer indication of the levels of !! than this hence he’s gotta just put his all into absolutely killing them both and it not remotely be about limited time and only because of y’all’s insane emotions, but you’re welcome it isn’t going to take long with the state they are in]

Ali: [today is all about insanely intense quickies, clearly, nothing else will do]

Johnny: [it’s the mood and again we stan, btw I vote that we should add in an epic first by saying that when they are done and he’s gotta go and get ready fr he sneaks her into his actual caravan because doesn’t wanna leave her in theirs alone when they have limited time to spend together and it would be easy-ish because half the site are down the pub]

Ali: [the way we will be GIDDY about this, calm down girl, unlike you, we are a curious cat and will be looking around with all the wide-eyed wonder because lowkey thought we’d never be allowed in here, excuse us]

Johnny: [ngl gal I thought that too but it tracks for this mood and this moment that he doesn’t wanna be separated from her hence keeping her in his line of sight wherever she’s wandering about this caravan and regardless of the fact he’s meant to be getting ready and does have every intention of doing so lol, eventually I’m sure, impatiently dragging her into his bedroom with an affectionate oh you kind of face like you can’t possibly have any more you wanna be nosy at in this living room and kitchen moment even though there is definitely more she wants to see but he’s that sort of bear, going to his wardrobe to pick out something nice for once which is giving when he dressed her respectably so obvs remembering and LOOKING at her]

Ali: [allowing yourself to be dragged with a grin like okay, okay, I’m sorry because don’t wanna actually be nosy to the point of making him regret this decision, hence we were only looking, not touching, and the way we so gently perch at the end of his bed like y’all didn’t defile Ro’s together as well as your own, stroking this duvet like it’s a soft animal because remembering Halloween when he brought it over for y’all, resisting/getting distracted from burying your face in it to smell him by how adorable he looks putting his nice clothes on, getting up like do you need help, as if that’s the reason for the LOOK and not what we all know it really is, straightening his collar for him, whether it’s necessary or not, constantly checking him out blatantly]

Johnny: [letting her straighten his collar for him purely for the vibes even though he’d normally resist stuff like that, likewise going to put his hair back up and tidy cos we all know it got fucked up by that quickie but then letting her do it for the same reason, living for the domestic husband and wife energy of this, even though those efforts will be ruined instantly by the way he’s pushing her onto his bed fully and rolling her up in the duvet cos read her mind there and they haven’t had a playfight moment in too long]

Ali: [with how much we are luxuriating in running our fingers through your hair, I’d be amazed if we’d even got it back up before you pushed us onto this bed so that’s okay, snapping his hairband ‘round our wrist for the now as we attempt to free ourself from this duvet like my boo of a morning]

Johnny: [LOL there’s no way she’ll be as grumpy as me or able to free herself because he’s doing his being a weighted blanket lying on her thing rn and if he had his way forever, having the most fun pinning her to this bed and then doing his intense af double handhold too + pinging this hairband on her wrist playfully after that, gently at first but obvs getting more extra about how hard he’s pulling it and it’s therefore snapping back, and as he’s getting more extra, pulling the key and lowkey choking her as per wth his other hand]

Ali: [when the first thing you say is now CHOKED out of you in such an extra way that only feels appropriate by this point, even if it wasn’t your intention, or you who’s making the decision to sound like that right now because it’s all down to him and what he’s doing ‘shall I wait here?’ as a true question and not a veiled suggestion, because he obviously has to arrive at this party first, she does not need to be here yet]

Johnny: [how fitting, well played boo, the NOD as he THINKING about her waiting in his bed because couldn’t be more about it so his eyes have never been darker or more intense, no notes]

Ali: [not you two here THINKING about it this insanely yet silently, kissing him almost in a thank you type way, how you would on the cheek if someone got you a present but it’s on his mouth and naturally far more indecent, taking both the hands you’re still holding and putting them around your waist]

Johnny: [the lack of words exchanged are sending me honestly, god bless you both, just here having a lil makeout sesh on his bed like they have nowhere to be because she’s never been on it before and it cannot be overstated how much it’s KILLING him that she is]

Ali: [you deserve it lads, said like you’re being forced to do something horrific aka be at a party together but not together, it could be worse but you still hate it so enjoy this moment because you’re both dying about it, even if she’s trying to conceal that somewhat because we wanna stay and not ruin it]

Johnny: [I’m torn between letting y’all hook up on his bed rn because who knows when you’ll get the chance again, if ever, or being really really mean and making him leave because peeps are coming back for this party]

Ali: [hmm, let’s be mean, gives some spice to the party but not too much because you have, twice, so lmao]

Johnny: [okay then sir, you gotta leave, but obvs do your extra af wife style cheek kiss that turns into a really dramatic final kiss before you do]

Ali: [let him go, on your best behaviour here, only allowing yourself to linger within this final kiss, no pulling him back or anything]

Johnny: [mhmm, real best behaviour, I’m not even gonna let him message her once he’s left, just be THINKING of her in your bed until you see her enter this party and can shoot her the first LOOK of the night across it]

Ali: [trying not to return the LOOK instantly because best behaviour includes being sneaky and showing him how well you do it more than anything else, obviously we sneakily are though; be giving Bartley whatever birthday gift you’ve got him with a hug whether it’s just a bottle or something more depending if you found anything suitable, undoubtedly saying hi to Ronan too as they’ve both been at the pub with Johnny]

Johnny: [it’s okay gal you’re not in love with him like Carly is, nobody’s expecting you to go in with a really feelsy gift, teenage boys are usually very uninspiring tbf, what’s important here is the blatant jealousy that she gets to hug his brother openly but not him, we can’t even talk about how closely he’s watching Ronan for his every reaction during that quick af convo as well, unsubtle antics but he cannot help it remotely, catch him taking these lads off for lads lads lads drinks like shots or whatever or a smoke or something purely to get them, especially Ronan lbr, away from Alison]

Ali: [you can’t complain or blame Johnny for being obvious there, the vibe between you and Ronan is honestly that unfinished and blatant on his end so you lads go lad it up and we can find Carly and see how she is tonight]

Johnny: [at least she’ll be in a good mood because she’ll have already snuck this boy her gift and it was well received, so glad, cali deserve to just be blatant girls in love, there isn’t enough of that without angst, but we all know this boy will be watching her as unsubtly when she’s with Carly too because he hates her and thinks she’s the worst influence on planet earth, so feel his eyes on you at all times tbh Alison]

Ali: [y’all did kinda bring this on yourselves ladies by picking these boys who you cannot simply date but I’ll let you live about it, amuse yourselves by comparing your modest church girl lewks girls, here trying not to be distracted by this boy and thus not listening]

Johnny: [me here just knowing this boy is gonna get the drunkest he ever has (excluding the cheating messy convo) because they were at the pub for however long and now he has nothing else to do because Ali is the only person he actually wants to interact with at this party, soz everyone, and he cannot, and that is so dangerous, y’all are welcome we’re not blowing this all up and getting you caught tonight]

Ali: [the way we’re trying to get your attention to come see us by the fire so y’all can poke it and chit-chat without it being sussy, here like hello]

Johnny: [he absolutely shouldn’t be that close to her because he has no chill and self control ever but he absolutely will come over because he has no chill and self control ever lol, it’s a good way to highlight that he’s drunker than he usually is at these kind of functions whereby he’s usually the most sober one]

Ali: [handing him a stick or whatever because you are soberer than you usually are to match the energy of your outfit, nodding at him as a question, like you good? Whilst giving a slight check over look up and down]

Johnny: [playfully poke her with this stick before he starts prodding the fire with it in the way you would if you’d not seen her outfit before and are amused like check you out in your different vibe tonight because nobody will bat an eyelid at this (not that any of these lads are nosy enough as we’ve discussed many a time) but really so you can nod back without it being as serious and intense as we know it is, turning to the fire but LOOKING back at her in a subtle corner of his eye/side on manner]

Ali: [do a little fake prayer hands moment like yep, I’m a whole new girl ‘saved’ with a wink because this can all be bants, it’s a party, lads, however the smile with it is a more genuine response to his nod]

Johnny: [that cliche of sitting close enough that his free hand can touch hers while they are both by their sides because I can and I want to and their legs are also close enough to be, all without drawing attention or suspicion]

Ali: [it has to be done, live a little, I dare yous, not you going red because you’re touching his hand, the fire is warm so you can but you’re 😳 and we all know it]

Johnny: [he knows and he will be nudging her leg with his about it so she knows he knows because love to see it even though his poker face is firmly in place rn]

Ali: [giving him a little but more obvious shove back like oi, you; naturally SQUEEZING his arm when you shove him]

Johnny: [standing up and doing his hands up gesture he did when he entered the caravan on halloween for that throwback like I’m so soz but really he just wants to be able to stand this close and basically over her for the EYE CONTACT nobody else can see because he has his back to any of y’all who are also around this fire]

Ali: [having to really focus on maintaining somewhat of a poker face here, though we are BITING our lip, simply unavoidable when the memory has been evoked and he’s standing over you like THAT, asking him to get you a drink purely because you need a moment away from him or you think you might do something rn]

Johnny: [do go and find her the girliest drink on offer at this party, which it amuses me to imagine was probably brought by the girl Moses is kissing in those pics because not a fan of either of you lol, but not before he’s leant in SO close as if he simply needs to in order to hear said drink order over the music playing and it isn’t just because he wants his ear and the whole angled side of his face to be within almost touching distance of her mouth]

Ali: [just stealing from this gal shamelessly, love that for you, soz sis for all the reasons but not at all soz for the way we are saying ‘PLEASE’ in this boys ear right now because it’s a must, along with the innocent 😇 look after like thanks, bye]

Johnny: [mhmm, god knows what he is bringing back but we gotta for the cliche LINGERING hand touch as he passes her this drink soz random girl I don’t make the rules]

Ali: [the ‘thank you’ won’t hit as hard because we don’t get to be in your ear and extra with it but giving you a quick knowing look over this drink because manners]

Johnny: [giving her a look back which means thank me later because we all know it’s only a matter of time before they sneak off from this party for the first time]

Ali: [raising a brow in a maybe I will fashion as if there’s any question over it, before someone demands you actually socialise and thus it’s a tbc as you fake the wave back over your shoulder is casual]

Johnny: [go back to staring daggers at whoever that is sir whether it’s Carly or Ronan or someone else entirely because you’re already bored of this party and the socialising you were made to do however long you lasted at the pub, I can definitely imagine you just fleeing to go and mess with your bike or something else that needs fixing despite the fancy clothes you’re wearing rn]

Ali: [it’s a good thing you’re a serious boy so no one is clocking any of this hehe, the way we would HATE losing eyes on you even though we need no guesses to know where you’re going and to do what, will let you have it though because we love you and know you will always love tinkering a million times more than any party, when the vibe of the music has changed a bit later though, gonna message you]

Ali: Everyone’s dancing now, come dance?

Ali: I miss you

Johnny: [LOL everyone is used to him just scowling and leaving, god bless, I love you sir]

Johnny: You come to me

Ali: Now?

Johnny: I’ll let you help [whatever he’s doing, we don’t claim to know or understand]

Ali: I’m glad I dressed for the occasion 😏

Johnny: For being stood there handing us [whatever piss easy tool they joked about last time he said this]

Johnny: you’re learning

Ali: I’ll have learnt how to fully strip and reassemble your bike before you learn how to ask nicely for my help

Johnny: I don’t need your help, I’ve need of you

Ali: False pretences, shocking

Johnny: More shocking you’re not already here

Ali: I’d thought we’d last ‘til [a clearly ambitious time lmao]

Johnny: To prove what to who?

Ali: To earn my invite back, not related and automatically entered

Johnny: Birthday boy isn’t troubling himself where you go or who with, there’s too many other people about who’ve drinks with his name on

Ali: Yeah, by this point, you’re right

Ali: Just telling you why I were trying

Johnny: I’m proud of you, that’s what you want me to tell you

Ali: No, I don’t expect you to be for this

Ali: in general, of course that’s what I wanna hear

Johnny: No? Why, you’ve not disgraced yourself or shown me up

Ali: I couldn’t show you up, no one knows

Johnny: I know

Ali: What do you know?

Johnny: You could, you would’ve when I 1st met you

Ali: Maybe

Ali: but you don’t deserve that now

Johnny: Maybe I’ll dance, as you’ve earnt yourself 1

Ali: 😁

Johnny: [do come back, adorably dishevelled from your antics, I’m picturing his shirt buttoned slightly wrong/one missed cos he took it off to not get it covered in oil and has hurriedly put it back on and a smudge of something on his cheek or nose or wherever where he’s rubbed with his hands before he cleaned them, it’s an impeccable vibe to arrive over to her with wherever she’s dancing, gonna say it’s with Carly cos she knows and thus will let you steal this girl without making a big !!? of it how somebody else would]

Ali: [it’s giving the gifs of y’all bebopping we have and we love to see it, can dance with each other without DANCING with each other, like it’s nbd when everyone is just jumping about like this, of course we are shamelessly using the chaos and the crowd to sneak actual meaningful touching and moments here because who knows, no one; can fully just laugh and wipe his face for him, ‘cos that could be taking the piss and not the lingering oh you heart eyes it actually is]

Johnny: [mhmm, though we should say Ronan is looking because of course he is and it gives foreshadowing of that gif where jali are kissing and he’s watching and lurking, like if he’s keeping an eye on y’all from now on/doesn’t necessarily think much of this but sees another moment another time at another party or whatever and is like oh, just sowing seeds despite how careful y’all are being tonight cos again we love to, catch him taking something from her hair real or imagined e.g bday confetti from balloons or party poppers with the same laugh but actual lingering heart eyes and touch happening]

Ali: [agreed, like you’re not peeping on purpose yet you’re just watching Alison ‘cos duh but it’s all gonna add up for you eventually; right now we’re oblivious to any and all of it because we’re having too much fun purposefully crashing into him the way you can when you’re dancing this kinda way, obviously we’re interacting with other peeps still enough that it’s not blatant but we’re only totally accidentally pressing against you when we’re not looking where we’re throwing our booty mhmm]

Johnny: [soz not soz everyone they are having a moment and are FULLY in it, making the most of every second they can dance like this and how far they can take it without it being blatant, they need it because it’s as close to dancing together in front of anyone as they are allowed and he’s for once drunk enough that he isn’t paranoid and stressed about everything he’s doing or saying and can actually have fun with it]

Ali: [yup, everyone is dancing with everyone on the face of it but also if everyone else wasn’t busy with their own agendas of who they wanna dance with really, you would see that we’re dancing together more than we are not, actually so happy about it, don’t mind us]

Johnny: [mhmm, catch Carly trying to pull the same move with Bartley and Ronan trying it with Alison, nobody is subtle and I stan, hence it escaping everyone’s notice that he doesn’t usually dance and this is the longest he has ever, if anyone did we’re just in the party spirit for his lil bro’s bday]

Ali: [me like you’re welcome that he’s actually happy right now people, the obliviousness of these boys never fails to send me but it couldn’t be realer lmao; but obviously the way these two particular boys are both trying to dance with you right now could make this awkward and we’re slipping out after too many near misses in our more sober mind, go get yourself another drink, gal]

Johnny: [poor Alison, so in demand always, this boy is 1000% following her before Ronan can because Carly will be intercepting him with a dance cockblock even if it makes Bartley mad/think she wants to get with Ronan/makes Ronan think she wants to get with him again because that’s the sort of friend she is, letting jali have a moment wherever these drinks are, so he’ll be taking her elbow and steering her into a corner where people aren’t whether she managed to grab a drink or not, hiding behind his real annoyance about Ronan as the reason because everyone knows he’s anti it and has been public about that, if y’all see the scowl he’s giving you can believe he’s just telling her off about it without trying to ruin the party and nothing else is going on]

Ali: [again, pure luck that it looks like you’re having a go and not just following her because you wanna but we’re taking it ‘cos we can’t shoo you away, we just can’t, saying you managed to grab a drink so you can pass it to him, pressing it into his chest like it’s a peace offering]

Johnny: [taking a drink from it and passing it back purely so their lips can touch via said drink because they can’t any other way rn, standing with his arms folded over his chest where it just was, again, looking like he’s cross and having a go cos nobody can tell over the music but he’s actually holding himself together and reining himself in so that he doesn’t touch her rn in a way they can’t style out and what he actually says is ‘now come on, with me’ like I’ll storm off in one direction and you in another but really we’ll find each other at the caravan or wherever]

Ali: [nodding, giving you’re listening to him but not engaging with this conversation to anyone watching if they were but also it’s all we are capable of now realising people could be, letting him go first, obviously, so you give it a minute without giving it long enough that anyone else can come follow you]

Johnny: [me deciding right this minute that they should be allowed the hookup in his caravan in his bed that they were denied earlier (because he’s drunk and extra enough to allow this) so waiting for her there and grabbing her literally while she’s walking past to go to theirs and pulling her in, kissing her the second his door is closed, against it with so much !! like it’s the first time or been years instead of hours since they did]

Ali: [as per trying not to scream as you are grabbed but where you’re being pulled into makes you MOAN, thankfully into this kiss so it’s not as deafening as it could be in the comparative silence of this caravan, ending up clutching at his shirt because intentions of fixing his buttons via taking it off right now but you’re too distracted by this kiss]

Johnny: [he is always lowkey kidnapping her lol, I’d scream if I could, shamelessly this boy is doing a non-stop makeout sesh until he can THROW her onto his bed with even more !! though so it won’t matter how much noise she makes or what kind because swallowing them all here with how dramatic we’re being, only stopping when she lands on said bed so he can STARE at her there and really take a moment to relive when she was waiting there before and all he could do was THINK about it]

Ali: [when we’re both here THINKING about it, maintaining the eye contact whilst you wrap this duvet around yourself how it was when you were just here waiting, like you’re recreating it exactly for him]

Johnny: [he’ll be here maintaining the intense af eye contact and giving her hair BIG strokes so it fans out all over his pillow while she’s wrapping herself up]

Ali: [biting your lip yet again to stifle another big NOISE, reaching both your hands out to hold the sides of his face, stroking him in a similar loving fashion because ‘I missed you so much’]

Johnny: [running his thumb over her bottom lip like no thank you don’t stifle any noise ever which true there is a loud party going on but we all know he’d be like that even if there wasn’t, holding her face exactly the same way she was/still is his ‘how much?’ because needs to know despite it being blatant and mutual, very obviously meaning tell me what you were thinking about/doing while you were waiting before]

Ali: [when your eyes widening is a LOUD reaction because so giant, so blue, excuse us ‘I didn’t move’ shaking your head in his hands/covering him with your hair he’d just nicely laid out there, because don’t want you to think we were actually having a snoop/behaving is the theme of the evening so of course we stayed put, wrapping our legs around him how you might’ve the duvet though with !! because not saying it wasn’t tough, like]

Johnny: [a genuine smile at her genuine good behaviour because it is the theme of the night and he loves to see it, looking at her like a proud father as he does his own nod, deciding in this moment that she’s therefore earned another dance the way they could not when everyone is around using the music y’all can still hear from this party, however faintly, so pulling her up with him as her legs are still wrapped around him at this point ‘they’re all dancing still’ as explanation ‘I’ll let you move again now’ love that we’re here like children jumping on a bed because hasn’t yet moved off it to the floor and that the duvet is giving wedding veil on her outfit because she’s wrapped in it]

Ali: [such a pure and joyous moment for you two, don’t mind me feeling emotional about it, pushing him lower by using his shoulders to push ourselves higher when we jump, ‘cos we don’t want you to hit your head on the ceiling and also we’re trying to be taller than you here, are inevitably going to slip on our duvet train and veil because we’re clumsy and it is slippery underfoot, just laughing the most]

Johnny: [don’t worry gal he will catch you and turn it into a hot move like he’s dipping and twirling her and therefore this dancing into an adorable slow dance regardless of what music is playing rn and how much it doesn’t go, full intentions of it being the ballroom style vibes of your first one but it isn’t gonna be cos it’s instead a v romantic and suggestive slow dance because gotta be that close and have your bodies pressed that tightly together rn obvs]

Ali: [so sorry that no one reaches these romantic heights with you again bestie, peaking so soon, here pressing your whole face into his neck because you can’t deal and maybe if you focus on breathing him in your heart will stop trying to thud out your chest]

Johnny: [which is why I’m so buzzing he’s coming back and y’all get a second chance to be a couple even if it does take years and the circumstances are less than ideal, we still love to see it, here and now just savour this dance you couldn’t have earlier, always behaving as if they’ve got all the time in the world when actually they’ve sneaked away from a party where she at least will be missed]

Ali: [mhmm, it’s a nice ‘ending’ not that that’s where the story is ending but you know, it’s happy for both of you ultimately; pressing our lips against your pulse point, humming whatever song is playing, however right you’re getting it because you aren’t listening properly, it’s all so background in comparison to this moment]

Johnny: [I really like that the only other person who gets this kind of later in life circle back is your brother with Meena, that’s so accidentally meaningful of us, I could write an essay, but ANYWAY, focusing on the here and now, this boy is making such a quiet but !! noise about it, like it hasn’t quite clicked how alone they are and how loud he could be if he wanted rn]

Ali: [my boo says in this essay I will- lmao, wuv you miss; doing a little giggle about it because it’s cute and so is he, giving him an equally as little kiss in the same spot ‘I like dancing with you, however we have to do it’ because also appreciated the moment that couldn’t be a full moment by the fire just now and we want you to know that]

Johnny: [I can’t even express how THRILLED I am that Tomeena and Jali are having kids at the same time, love that for you all, literally me needing to make him pull her hair and into a kiss because the way I nearly wrote ILY then and sir you aren’t drunk enough for that so kiss her and hush]

Ali: [it’s nice, considering Ali starts really young and the drama all that is, for sure; I was going to say it too, I’m allowed but lmao, we’re all on the same page here, push him down onto this bed again, miss, so you can make out properly]

Johnny: [y’all are due a really !! makeout sesh because it has been a minute, he will be taking his shirt off without pausing said makeout so that her name is exposed because gotta have the reminder it’s there now that they are alone and that’s sinking in]

Ali: [touching his chest with one hand, rubbing the material of his shirt between your finger and thumb with the other, as if you’re wondering at how such a thin layer stops everyone seeing this, ‘cos you are, even if none of this thought process is being verbalised or shown beyond that and the way we’re kissing you so possessively like we’re not alone and you got something to prove here]

Johnny: [catch this boy pulling her underwear down to expose the initials on her booty cheek and giving special and extra attention to his last because he’s thinking about how much he wants to marry her and that is how he’s showing that along with matching the energy with how he’s kissing her back]

Ali: [doing a more insistent and loud kinda noise into this kiss and his mouth about this because any reminder that mark is still there is so wanted because beyond staring at our own booty in pics or a mirror, that one is not as accessible to us, plus it just feels good obvs, swinging the key to the front of this chain to play with it right now]

Johnny: [seeing her do that with the key and fighting a literal war with himself internally over whether he should give her a key to this caravan too or not because obviously he should not but he really wants to in this moment, kissing her with all the !! conflict inside of him e.g like he holds her personally responsible for causing it, which is giving the energy of their first kiss ever]

Ali: [when you were having your own, far more casual in comparison but still very real, internal debate, over what I must now absolutely have you do in response to this extra energy, which is yank this key off your neck so you can carve your own initials into him right now but of course they aren’t your initials but AOS, by the logic of how y’all were making out right there, going to say this is landing in the hip/stomach area, ‘cos no forethought is being put into it we’re just coming at you]

Johnny: [when you’re about it enough just thinking it’s her actual initials when she’s doing the A but LORD when he realises it isn’t and can’t be a M she’s doing next, the UNHOLY reaction cannot be overstated, verbally in how loudly he’s MOANING and it’s the most dramatic string of swearwords he’s ever spoken, like on par with calling Moses the c word in the group chat, and physically with how !! he’s moving about this, it’ll be a miracle if the thrust of his hips doesn’t knock the key from her hand mid letter]

Ali: [that S is going to be shaky as all hell because your reaction paired with how it’s going to have us is making it damn near impossible to finish but we must, even as we’re burying our head into your chest with the !! of it killing us so we’re not even looking ourself at this point, simply too much and we love it]

Johnny: [this boy dying so hard about every second of this that he has to pull her head to look at her handiwork as soon as it’s done because need the wide eyed reaction + whatever else she’ll do in response even if it ends his life, the way his breathing has never been this insane before, it’s wilder than the time he came home from work on his lunch break and they were being feral because overwhelmed isn’t the word truly]

Ali: [pacing between looking at what you just did and making EYE CONTACT with him, whilst you don’t breathe at all like you’re taking it in turns and it’s all his right now, speedily and erratically doing a love heart around this as the !! punctuation that is fitting for how you’re both DYING]

Johnny: [SO overwhelmed and unable to cope that he unthinkingly bites her arse cheek so that his initials there are inside of it, when you probably thought he was gonna hit you there again instead when he manoeuvres this gal to do that but then there’s that happening purely fuelled by how !! they both are]

Ali: [oh the GASP that was just going to be an intake of breath you desperately needed but was more a scream in reverse somehow, sounding absolutely insane which matches how you feel, the choked sob because that would hurt but also that only feels appropriate and thus you are INTO it, not staying remotely still laid across his lap like this]

Johnny: [when you’re equally as surprised you did that but as into it, hence there’s 0 hesitation in how he’s then immediately eating her out from this angle like he knows damn well how turned on she was by that but the only possible way he can check is by sticking his tongue deep inside of her, just feral behaviour]

Ali: [so glad there’s a party going on out there because even if our face is somewhat in these sheets and pillows with the angle, we are NOT being subtle or quiet about how what is being done to us and by who, dropping his name like it’s going out of style right now because all we can think about, soz]

Johnny: [saved by the party backdrop yet again because he is likewise giving absolutely no fucks about where they are or how loud they are being, all this boy cares about is doing the absolute most and that includes with how his hands are all over his initials and the bite mark he just did while his tongue is fucking her as hard as it possibly can]

Ali: [y’all are welcome that it’s often the atmosphere right now because lord knows you need it, the visual of how your dress must be bunched up all around you also is sending me in the best way, keeping that bridal fantasy alive here]

Johnny: [I love that he hasn’t had a single thought to remove it and nor will he once he inevitably can’t take any more after what would feel like forever of him just killing her over and over like this and initiates a hookup with her on this bed on all fours so he can still keep the same energy and extraness with these initials with how he’s touching and staring at them]

Ali: [we all know why and we respect it, the dress is not coming off honeys, not tonight, the way you’re going to be able to feel your handiwork when you’re clapping back on him is going to make you lose it so much in such a blatant way, only making you do more in response]

Johnny: [god bless, I love how blatant we’re being about this wedding fantasy, similarly how blatant this boy is being about how much he likes everything she’s doing and how her new handiwork hurts in the best way, gotta once again dramatically pull her hair and her head back about this so her back is the most arched it can be, everyone’s living their best lives, not me just this minute deciding that he should drop his first ever ILY during this hookup to parallel when she did and he had his freakout, oh how far we’ve come, but we’ll let y’all get to the point of almost being done before he blurts that out so it’s really similar, not yet lads, but it’s gonna happen xoxo]

Ali: [y’all are on the same page about all of this, hence whilst we’re in this insane position we’re doing the most to try and make eye contact with you because the only thing wrong with this position is that we can’t because must be STARING at you at all times obviously, really gotta work for that ILY that you have no idea about yet but I do lol]

Johnny: [they absolutely are and he will be contorting himself forward while she is herself back to try and make that eye contact happen because it’s a flaw and he’s a boy that probably only has a mirror in his bathroom so y’all can’t even use that move rn soz, saying ‘I feel like I’m in your stomach and could put a baby right in from here’ while y’all are still in this position though cos it’s a new and wild one for you clearly, not how anatomy works but I respect what you’re trying to say and the fantasy being continued + how his voice sounds when he does say this]

Ali: [good thing y’all are young and this isn’t going to do you an injury because we’re getting like a gymnast up in here because it’s only pushing him further inside you so that in itself would be enough incentive, without the added bonus of catching his eye when you do and losing it more, can’t even get started on your pregnancy fantasy because that’s much easier achieved and y’all both know it and are doing NOTHING to not let it happen ‘you have to’ said like it’s your job but also said like we NEED you to rn immediately]

Johnny: [it’s a miracle she isn’t preggo already the way y’all are carrying on but you can be tamed we know that, you’re clearly both so into it and end up having lots of kids in the near future for a reason, LOSING it over the fleeting eye contact y’all manage to get hence his ‘it has to be me’ sounds even more indecent for that reason as well as it always being his echoed line from day 1, doing the MOST ofc to make that happen rn immediately as if she doesn’t have a party to get back to]

Ali: [using the secret lingo word for daddy because how else can you heartily agree, along with your big nods for emphasis, your own hands going under this massive dress to grope at his name on your chest hard, trying to keep yourself from losing it because you do have a party to get back to but you don’t want to be anywhere but right here now, also, in this vein, collapsing forward from your arched af position, thus putting some space between y’all like you’re gonna slow down when you can already tell you don’t want to because the 🥺 noise you make about losing him inside you for this moment, like you didn’t do it]

Johnny: [the boy immediately pulling her via this floaty af dress (don’t rip it please because he’s giving no fucks about the fact he could and might in this moment) to pull her into a new position whereby they can make all the EYE CONTACT they want but are still fucking as deeply as possible and don’t have to lose this pregnancy fantasy because ofc he is, STARING at her so dramatically, making such a similar but more boy coded noise as they are back at it again at krispy kreme because y’all are both clearly so close now, how could you not be]

Ali: [at least that’s a very real possibility with where you are and the fucks you don’t give, as long as you’re not flashing everyone at the party after lol, not that we care when we’ve got to act like he cannot be close enough for our liking, back to holding his head but the way we’re pulling it to ours, forehead to forehead is again painful by this point, only looking away to look down at how hard he’s thrusting inside of you right now because you gotta ‘you’re-’ no words no notes, just dying]

Johnny: [my boo says such destruction cannot be tied specifically to him and she’s so right for that, in which case, go ahead and rip it a little bit sir, likewise if she’s wearing any earrings rn she’s deffo losing at least one in this bed for him to find later with how hard he’s likewise grabbing both sides of her face, and there will be her hair all over these sheets for the same reason, torn between kissing her and his current need to say extra af things so saying all his secret lingo words for wife and mother etc into her mouth, the ILY is coming, we all know it is]

Ali: [we’re always into a little bit of destruction, lbr, it’s only furthering this and how violently y’all are going at it but with ALL the love too, the way we are SUCKING your tongue into our open mouth, hot from how the only way you can breathe is by panting out with every thrust into you, not caring if we crash our teeth together or bite you or ourself or you bite us whilst you’re attempting to still talk, however hard we’re making it because we need to inhale your words and let them live inside of us, moving your hands from the side of his face, with no warning and GRIPPING his hips in the same fashion but of course that’s where your initials are so you are DIGGING your nails in that side]

Johnny: [what a mood what a moment, yet again so thankful for this party because how LOUD he MOANS her name when she digs her nails into those initials the entire site would know what’s up, here not at all casually moving like he’s convulsing about it, I can 100% imagine her ending up with a full black eye from an involuntary headbutt or whatever, soz Thomas, you will be worried again]

Ali: [soz to you boy and anyone else who thinks she’s in some kind of domestic violence situation, at least she would tell you the truth, even if that’s not exactly what you want to hear as her brother lmao; we can’t help that we LOVE everything about this boy and this situation right now, throwing his name back with the same energy like it’s the answer to the question her name was, here trying to hold this boy in place like that isn’t what’s killing him and you know it]

Johnny: [DYING about it obvs hence I gotta have him throw his ILY out even if you wanna pretend later it’s because you were dying/drunk/sorry you gave her a black eye/all of the above, we all know he means it and not just in this moment]

Ali: [we all know this is making you cum instantly girl, and how, at least you can’t talk about it because you are gonna be DEAD, RIP]

Johnny: [mhmm, both of you just here DEAD, trying to even slightly recover somehow as per, this boy STARING at the initials she did because he couldn’t look at them properly before when he was too busy fucking her senseless, touching them for the first time himself because it doesn’t feel real that any of that happened]

Ali: [we’ll be here lying on the cold hard ground, okay actually this bed, which we also still can’t believe, like none of this can be real but it is, patting our eye gently and wincing because ow that’s gonna hurt but it’s something to tether us to the now and attempts at getting back up which feel impossible]

Johnny: [only really realising about her eye when you see her wince because that’s how out of it and !! he was in the moment and it didn’t even register, pulling her to him and cradling her head as gently now as they were being rough and feral about it before, looking at it seriously because it’s probably already swelling a bit, so then obviously, going to get something for her to put on it whether that’s the frozen peas wrapped in a tea towel cliche or whatever it is, and so gently pressing said random frozen item a teenage boy fending for himself would have, to her eye, I like to imagine it’s something fun like ice cream/lollies because he is so serious and nobody would expect it and a shoutout to his little nieces and nephews for sure]

Ali: [just smiling up at him because of course you are not bothered, however much it hurts and is going to look gnarly, how could that possibly be a priority now, eyeing up whatever sweet treat is going on our eye in a sec ‘I get one if I’m good, yeah?’]

Johnny: [a smile back as he takes one of these sweet treats and hands it to her, the implication being she has already been very good because true, immediately and even more gently then putting the cold box or whatever back on her eye]

Ali: [just here having this lolly so casually, snuggling against him and offering him licks because he’s gonna be so dehydrated by this point with how much alcohol he’s had and the sesh y’all just did]

Johnny: [share that lolly lads, how cute and wholesome of you, literally here holding this cold thing to her eye until the others start to melt and he has to run and put it back, once again, no fucks given to the party going on or how long y’all have been away from it]

Ali: [whilst he’s doing his freezer run, let yourself into his bathroom to have a look in the mirror, because in fairness you need to assess if this is can go back to the party okay or if you need to stay away, shrugging as you come back out ‘plenty I coulda run into in the dark that weren’t your head’ like we’ll be alright]

Johnny: [his own shrug with such an affectionate face because it’s known how clumsy she is so yeah that tracks, holding his arms out for her to walk into like he’s gotta guide her back safely as he walks over to her, literally putting her feet on his and stepping for them both like she’s a tiny bub and cannot be trusted]

Ali: [just having the best time doing this, shamelessly and unapologetically, giving him such big heart eyes because you don’t have to look where you’re going remotely ‘where are we going?’]

Johnny: [same, he’ll be loling and smiling the entire time that they are going for a wander through this caravan ‘I want to show you what I’ve been busy with when you’re not about to distract us’ cos we know this boy he’s always making something, so lead her over to wherever you’ve been doing that which is probably your overcrowded kitchen table and find whatever it is, feelsy ideas are welcome, because it should defs be related to the new life they’re saving up to run away and start/the baby/wedding they wanna have, but whatever it is it’s unfinished cos clearly a big project unlike when he made her a tiny friend so it’s a piece of said thing that she’d be able to guess because she knows things]

Ali: [tickling his neck like me, distracting? How dare you lol, finally hopping off his feets but keeping hold of his hand like you’ve got to stay close, I’m trying to think what this could be and I’m not sure so we’ll placehold it for now but obviously it’s feelsy as hell and pairing that with the ILY we haven’t even touched on because we don’t want it being taken back, yeah, we’re having emotions about it, your turn to throw yourself into a makeout to not say anything extra]

Johnny: [it matters less what it is and more that it signifies he genuinely is once again planning for their future and it’s a big project to tide him over until they leave/with the vibe of when it’s done we’re going to go, so she has an even realer timescale on when that might be based on the progress of this, I’m having emotions too gal truly cos clearly y’all aren’t leaving as soon as you think you are and it isn’t gonna go to plan when you eventually do, right now y’all know none of that though and he’s sitting her on this table amongst all his clutter to make the makeout even more extra]

Ali: [mhmm, exactly girl, exactly, you both know exactly what this is saying and what it means and that’s why you’re here making out like you’ve got time to do it all again ad infinitum because you just have to, they way we’re trying to say ILY but it’s just sounds approximate of the words and not quite the actual words because you’re so overwhelmed here and of course, never stopping to try and verbalise anything]

Johnny: [the vibes are once again immaculate and we love it for you both, this boy here behaving like y’all have the time or are remotely recovered enough for him to fuck her on this table because so in love rn, god knows the mess and noise you’re creating with what is falling off said table atm]

Ali: [us protecting whatever the project is though like must not break it, moving it out of y’alls way with such care and gentleness, like you aren’t still kissing him so hungrily because feelings have never been higher]

Johnny: [holding onto it/a piece of it that he helps her move throughout this makeout sesh even if it does turn into a full hookup like she did the key when it nearly fused to her palm cos gotta have that parallel excuse me]

Ali: [my boo says I know what I want, thank you, even if we have to stop you at a makeout, still a vibe, as is the way we’re still holding your other hand about it]

Johnny: [this boy eventually sitting down at one of the chairs at this table like okay then leave me to finish my project because he knows unlike him she wants to go back to this party and shooing her off like she’s distracting him from what he wants to be doing is the only way to verbalise that it’s okay/he knows she can’t just stay here all night without peeps wondering where the hell she’s gone]

Ali: [still pouting like but- because we don’t want to leave you, sitting on his lap side-saddle for lack of a better term like hey, putting our arms around his neck to give him a goodbye kiss about it]

Johnny: [putting everything into this goodbye kiss obvs, then turning it into an extra af cheek kiss how he do and then moving up to kiss her injured eye better, less extra about it and very gentle actually]

Ali: [just staying here and having a soft little snuggle for a moment, as you psych yourself up to go back to the party ‘will you come back at all?’]

Johnny: [‘maybe’ because it’s the only acceptable answer as the answer they always give each other and truly he isn’t ruling it out if he misses her that much he needs to see her so it’s an honest one too]

Ali: [smiling at the maybe because it is your answer and thus the best response, getting up like okay, okay, I’ll go, sorting out your dress and seeing it’s ripped like don’t get distracted but ultimately getting a little distracted lol ‘check me over’ like come on, am I acceptable to leave or not]

Johnny: [doing the most LINGERING look up and down of her that he has ever done because she has given him full permission to and we really wanna savour this moment while she’s still here in front of us, giving her hair SUCH a big stroke like he’s fixing it but really he just wants to, literally getting up so he can walk round her and STARE from every angle, picking up her dress and doing an intake of breath at the ripped part of it which is supposed to be like a tut but is much more like a GASP obvs because remembering how and when that happened]

Ali: [here blushing so hard like you had no way of forseeing this and preparing for how it’d make you feel, following his hand with your head as if it’s tied to it via your hair ‘I can probably pin it’ so quietly because we’re all thinking about it and are not okay]

Johnny: [twirling her like he did when they were dancing, a proper ballroom style move because if he looks at her any harder he won’t let her leave, shaking his head like no don’t leave it but barely so it matches how quietly she said it because likewise THINKING hard about it still and we love the destruction sis]

Ali: [making a happy lil noise and trying to pretend it’s just that and the !! isn’t also there and blatant, nodding back, holding the rip against our body, like we’re seeing what’s exposed and if it’s acceptable, LOOKING at him as a ?]

Johnny: [stealing one of her big nods from her because it’s beyond acceptable to him that she’s going to have that reminder and nobody else is gonna know what happened, putting the key back on her because she yanked it off earlier to be feral with it and not only does she need it back around her neck before she can leave but also he needs to pull it more gently for a sec and hold it to verbalise how much he loves this and the dress being their secret]

Ali: [would not could not leave without this chain, tis so important, as is the way we’re just resting our forehead against yours as all this is silently communicated between y’all before we’re finally making to head out this door and back out to this party]

Johnny: [this boy watching her go like she’s leaving to go to war instead of rejoin the festivities it’s so dramatic, no notes]

Ali: [the drama of you likewise just standing outside this van for ages before you really go back, oh lads, never change]

Johnny: [shall we leave this here as it’s a good stopping point and if we want when we come back to y’all it gives us the option to go from when she rejoins the party and do more chat and stuff if we want or to not and go from a new dawn and a new day?]

Ali: [I’m with you girly pops, will post this now, go us]

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iheartgarrus · 2 years ago

Note

A, G, P 💜

What lovely letter choices! ;)

A. If you could rec a piece of music to accompany one of your fics, what would you pick? Why?

I feel like I have more of these for some of my WIPs, but I'll take the easy way on this one and say "Glitter in the Air" by P!nk for "The Walk Before the Run" (and really for any future Jali stuff for.. a while). If you haven't seen the video of her performing that song at the Grammys, that's your homework right now.

G. Where do you think you grew the most this year?

That's kind of a tough one because the way I grew the most is that.. I really started writing again at all. I did post a couple of short pieces last fall, but I feel like I didn't really get moving again until this past spring, thanks to some really lovely, supportive communities. So my growth was just in realizing that I could still do this.

P. What are your pet peeves in other people’s work?

I try to give other writers a lot of grace whenever possible, because we all have our strengths and weaknesses. But I think the thing that gets me the most is when character/place names are spelled wrong - an occasional typo is understandable, but I honestly won't even click on a fic if "Shepard" is misspelled in the summary. It looks very careless to me - especially when it's right there in the tags! (And since it's such a common one, PSA that it's Kaidan, not Kaiden. 😉)

End of the Year Writing Meme

#thank you for asking!!#ask meme #ask #shretl

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khorren · 2 years ago

Text

The way I handle rev legends is that you can either research a ton about them and learn how to channel their mist echoes (you still need to have the innate mist magic understanding, joe average just cant read some books), or if you’re powerful enough or interesting enough they come to you through the mists. In Aoife’s case it was a bit of everything. Interesting is not always a good thing as many echoes can just devour your mind and leave you for dead or possess you for happy fun demon times. For my three revs Aoife has the most fleshed out experiences with Echoes, she has the canon ones. Kensi’s magic is more based on Ritualist magic, so her echoes are more Ritualist related with some warrior figures thrown in. Not really explored Faebrynn’s echoes yet, she’s new to the rev scene but she has a very strong connection with Ventari. But now I want to play with Kensi’s rit echoes. Hmmm.

Ventari and Jalis came to her very young and kept the Mallyx echo away from doing damage. She learned to control it over time. I have a whole blarb about that already.

Glint was …. Interesting. She first started hearing the Glint echo after leaving her lair in season 2. While she gave kind words Aoife was absolutely terrified. She had just killed one elder dragon, and there was a plan in motion to attack a second, so having a dragon in her mind was just…. Yeah. No. No thank you. She tried her best to ignore Glint, and wouldn’t focus on any dragon magic that came her way so it just sort of …. Leaked out of her. A strange aura mostly, sometimes it was tangible magic that was dripping. To onlookers it looked absolutely horrifying but it caused her no harm other than a strange tingle. It wasn’t until she saw Rytlock using this dragon magic that she thought “huh, maybe it’s not bad?” She observed him all through the jungle adventures and managed to get a little bit of information out of him about his time in the Mists, but he didn’t understand it all himself, still a work in progress. She got a handle of the magic once Aurene was around, and as she trained Aurene she got better control of her own dragon magic from Glint.

This would majorly backfire on her later in Icebrood Saga when she thought she was channeling an echo of Jormag. Hoping to understand its power and what it wanted, she let the echo creep in, thinking she was in control. It wasn’t an echo, it was actually Jormag. Woops. She almost got corrupted but Dragon’s Watch and Sebastian saved her.

Kalla and the Alliance I’ve not really explored with her yet. But I love her Glint/dragon stuff.

People with revenant characters!!! I am curious if any of your characters have custom legends in their story/lore. If you dont have custom legends i want to hear about your characters relationship to and ways of using the ones that are canon.

My own examples:

Tryphon my pirate captain charr often calls on legendary pirates from the past. Originally i had a name of one from in game but i can no longer remember who they were or what i searched to find them lol.

Also because Im mean and i like putting my mental health onto him he has one spirit that talks to him that is a leak and link from his ptsd.

The only canon one he has is Ventari due to his close ties with sylvari. This is to boost his healing abilities for his crew

Melanthios, my formerly ash legion charr, in the same warband as crucita(quints dame) who awoke blind and unsure of where he was DOES call on kalla for arrows. He knows the general location of people from sound and smell and vibrations but arrows made of the mists and from the mists take their aim through kalla.

His other legends are from charr history as well. Bathea havocbringer helping him guide his weapons, Heirophant Burntsoul much to his disgust being used for his healing magic(as he was part monk classed), and the first Ash Legion Imperator, cub of the Khan Ur to help him with stealth, honed in from the time humans took ascalon.

I also like to imagine that these characters have retained some of their old magic and both are ironically gaurdians originally but with two different ways of using that magic. Tryphon healed others while Melanthios bound others.

#gw2 #gw2 norn #norn #guild wars 2 #aoife 2

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millslawrence · 4 years ago

Photo

But we were something, don’t you think so?

Did this little jali moodboard way before season 3, originally for the Twitter fam!

#cobra kai #jali #johnny lawrence #ali mills #lawrussorights #johnnyhlawrence #driverism #samlarusso #<- you btches better reblog or i'm suing y'all #mine #my edits #my moodboards #my jali stuff

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walpurga-nacht-academy · 2 years ago

Text

MONARCHIA DORM - BIRTHDAY VENUE

SCENE I

PUPPET: [Upon this blessed day, we bring to you an offering that seeks to satisfy your whims. On behalf of us, servants, we present to you the one which the fates considered worthy: LEONA KINGSCHOLAR.]

LEONA: Tch- what a pain.

DIANA: Leona Kingscholar. Welcome.

LEONA: Diana, huh. That's why the damn thing insisted I had to come today. I figured that might be the case.

DIANA: Mm. I'm honoured that it was you they chose. Dad would be happy too. He always admired the royal family.

LEONA: ......

DIANA: ......

LEONA: ......

DIANA: .....

LEONA: ... You say that but your expression doesn't change one bit, heh. You have the same dead-eyed stare you always do. Who would know if you're lying or not?

DIANA: You've always been good at looking through people's intentions, however. I doubt this actually poses a question for you at all.

LEONA: Tch. Still sharp, huh? Nevermind that. Let's just get this over with. It was a pain in the neck getting all the way out here just to interview you, you know? Better not waste my time.

Here.

DIANA: Hm? Ah, I see...

LEONA: That's all you have to say, huh? Thought you would know a little bit about this sort of stuff since Ruggie says that you're into singing.

DIANA: Mm. The animals enjoy it when I play songs for them. It's very soothing. This kora looks like it's finely made so I'm certain that they'll enjoy it when I play it for them.

LEONA: Huh, is that so... So you can even play this sort of thing?

DIANA: Mm. My mother studied under a jali for a few years, so he ended up learning the craft. She taught it to us as well when we were younger, and we ended up picking up on a lot of things thanks to it.

LEONA: She did, huh... That's rather bold of her. It explains a few things in the end.

The royal family used to have a jali back in the day as well. An old remanent from the days of the King of Beasts, but nowadays the position isn't what it used to be. There's less and less of them each generation, aren't there? Wonder why, hm?

DIANA: People always fear the truth, but that's not something they can change. Living one's life in accordance with your own beliefs... That's the sort of lesson my parents taught me. That's why I always want to stay true to myself. No matter what.

Leona. Thank you.

LEONA: Hah, seeing you bow your head like that never gets old.

DIANA: You are the second prince of the country. I must show you the proper respect, as part of your pack.

LEONA: That again, huh. Well, whatever, I don't mind as we keep it moving. There are still a bunch of questions I need to ask you, it seems.

DIANA: Very well. In that case, I will make sure to visit your dorm whenever I can and play you a few songs on the kora as a sign of my gratitude.

LEONA: Oy, don't do unnecessary things. It's a hassle having you visit and start scolding me during that time.

DIANA: Kings must listen even to things they don't wish to, otherwise they cannot govern. Isn't that so?

LEONA: Tch. Let's just get this over with already.

SCENE II

PUPPET: [Shall I proceed with the game?]

LEONA: I don't have all day to waste on this, so make it quick.

PUPPET: [Understood. I shall now proceed to ask a question that Diana Arrow will answer and which Leona Kingscholar will be tasked to interpret.]

LEONA: Interpret? What is the point of that? This woman always speaks her mind so there's nothing hidden behind her words. Get on with the next game.

DIANA: Leona.

LEONA: Huh? What is it?

DIANA: The puppet worked hard to put all this together. We should try our best to play along for its entertainment.

LEONA: Hah? You want to do its whims just like that? Aren't we supposed to be the ones entertained by it? Don't make me do work that's not part of the requirements.

DIANA: This is for the sake of the party. We must comply with it.

LEONA: Tch.

DIANA: Please go ahead. What's the question?

PUPPET: [You are in an old, abandoned building where no human has set foot for years and have discovered a staircase leading underground. As you descend you hear all manner of sounds. How do you proceed?]

DIANA: What sort of sounds are they?

PUPPET: [Moaning and weeping.]

DIANA: In that case, I would go check to see if they're hurt.

LEONA: Hah? Are you serious?

DIANA: Mm. If the sounds are loud enough for me to hear them so clearly, it must mean the other person is in trouble. If it's a human, they might have gotten lost and stumbled across wild animals and disturbed their peace. If it's an animal, they might have been hurt by another or by poachers. Whatever it is, I should make sure that things aren't dire enough for anybody to be hurt.

LEONA: Huh? So you want to play at being a good samaritan, hm? What a noble goal.

DIANA: There is no need for condescension. The balance between civilization and nature is a fickle one. Humans will hurt animals for little reason at all. It's my job to make sure that they are not mistreated in any way. If the animals are in pain, I have to make sure to evacuate the humans who disturbed them immediately before they do any more harm.

LEONA: Hah, I see. So you will prioritize animals over humans in that case, huh?

DIANA: If it's necessary. In any case, someone must be hurt so I will have to act according to my instincts and values. Isn't that something we all do?

LEONA: Is that so? In that case, perhaps someone's instinct is just to ignore the sound and move on. After all, nothing good can come out of investigating strange sounds, isn't that so? What do you make of that?

DIANA: That's their nature. One cannot ask more from them if they do not wish to give.

LEONA: Tch. Just the sort of answer I would expect out of you. I knew this was pointless. Let's just move on with it.

DIANA: If that's what you desire.

LEONA: Hmph. Straightforward women like you are difficult to deal with. I wonder how that octopunk does it, hm?

DIANA: I doubt Azul would appreciate you tormenting him like that.

LEONA: Heh.

SCENE III

PUPPET: [Please proceed to the last part of the interview.]

LEONA: What an annoying thing.

“If you were stuck on a deserted island with somebody, who would you want it to be?”

DIANA: Rosalia.

LEONA: ... Hah? That pipsqueak?

DIANA: Mm. She said that always wanted to try and escape from a deserted island as a test of 'wildness' so I think this would be an experience that she would enjoy.

LEONA: Are you planning on babysitting her while there? Treating it like some sort of family vacation?

DIANA: No, we would learn some survival techniques that might come in handy for her one day and help her built-up muscle. She said she's started exercising in order to achieve that, but so far she seems to be taking it too lightly.

LEONA: Hmph. She keeps showing up to Savanaclaw to go running with Jack every time she visits.

DIANA: Mm. I noticed that. But true exercise should be more focused on discipline rather than romance. Jack is her mate so he can't bring himself to be too harsh with her. I understand.

LEONA: And you're saying that you'll make for a better training partner.

DIANA: I would make sure to keep her on schedule without coddling her. The deserted island would make for a good training ground, given the rough terrain, limited distractions and enough free time for her to learn all she needs before we leave.

LEONA: So you're not worried at all about being stranded, huh?

DIANA: As a child, I used to spend a lot of time alone in the wilds. They're like my second home. And it's the sort of place that suits me most. Even if I end up on a deserted island I would be able to leave eventually. If I so choose.

LEONA: If you so choose, huh? Heh. So it's all for that pipsqueak's sake. Hmph, this sort of sentimentality...

DIANA: I enjoy looking after my little sisters and brothers too. It would be nice to develop that sort of relationship with Rosalia as well. She's always looking for an opportunity to hang around me.

LEONA: What a pain. But with that, the puppet should have its answer, right?

[*]

PUPPET: [Congratulations. The interview portion has been completed. Please proceed to the last event of the celebrations. A bottle has already been prepared for you.]

LEONA: Heh, it's finally time for the big finale, huh? Let's make it a memorable one.

DIANA: Mm. Then if you would, Leona.

LEONA: I know. Then, Happy Birthday, Diana.

You don't look too bad soaking wet like this either, hah.

[champagne pops]

#twisted wonderland #twisted wonderland oc #walpurga nacht academy #twisted wonderland fanschool #twst #twst oc #twist oc #twist #twisute #twisute oc #diana arrow #leona kingscholar #savanaclaw #monarchia #wna birthday campaign

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dragonflydaydreamer · 3 years ago

Note

List 5 facts about a favorite sim of yours, and send this to 10 simblrs whose sims you adore ♥♥♥

thanks for this! i had to think about it for a while to find out how to put into words some stuff i know about the sim i chose

with damien and jali rick is one of my favorite sims if not the most because he is a free spirit and can do everything and anything he wants and he doesn't have a paved path waiting ahead

rick loves music a lot and has to listen to his favorite bands everyday and if he could he would fall asleep listening to his favorite metal songs

rick can't stop getting new tattoos and wish he could cover his body with them

rick always share a bite of his meal with bubble but only one

rick is the kind of sim to be always late because he doesn't really care about the time so never ask him to adopt a tight daily routine he won't follow it at all

a ghost visiting his apartment in the spice market neighborhood pranked the toilet so rick never used it ever again and it was weeks ago

#it took me a solid half an hour to answer this #i do not know my sim at all #lol #now go send this #anwsers #cantseemtohide #ask #ts4 #the sims 4 #simblr #versatile rick

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thatsweetbobbyfacetho · 3 years ago

Note

Incaendium, SKAM, and The Watcher for KK/CK, Cagney & Lacey for non-CK

Incaendium, as you know, is my Witch AU fic which was inspired by the Secret Circle book series. Its probably one of my hardest fics to write mostly becuase I have to balance the witch stuff as well as multiple character deaths in the story. I do enjoy that it has Jali and Bonny in it though ❤

Johnny caressed the others face, “You have nothing to worry about. I don’t have to be an oracle to know that you feel the same draw to each other that I do.”

SKAM obviously was inspired by the SKAM series. I thought it would be fun to write one with the CK teens and various OCs. I started writing it one way and then watched SKAM España and decided to do a re-write. It's been in a bit of limbo as I've been distracted by other things.

He scoffed, “Oh and those drinks you have with your friends are completely legal, right?”

“Drinking is different,” Sam protested.

“It’s really not,” Miguel argued. “But I didn’t come over to weigh out the pros and cons of alcohol and pot.”

“Oh you didn’t?” Sam couldn’t help a giggle as she leaned up to kiss him.

The Watcher is an AU inspired by The Watcher in the Woods, one of my favorite live action Disney movies. I put it on hold to finish Incaendium but you can see how that's been working 🤣

“Anthony, slow down so you don’t run into anything!”

“If we stay here, I want this bedroom!” She could hear her brother call from down the hall.

Following the sound of his voice, she entered into a large bedroom. All of the furniture seemed just as old as the house itself, though hadn’t Mrs. Mills said that it had been in her family since it had been built? It only made sense that furniture had been handed down as well, but it did add to the creepiness of the place.

“Oh, of course, the largest room for you I suppose?” Sam teased her brother.

Anthony shrugged, “There is one almost as big just through the bathroom, you can have that one.”

Sam walked over to the bathroom, and just as her brother had said, it opened up into another room.

For the Cagney and Lacey fic not much has been actually written but there was a fair amount brainstormed for it lol. Basically it was the good ol' trope of long lost Daughter. Isbecki has a daughter he never knew about but she hunted down her dad. And then Lacey basically helping him navigate parenthood. Of course there was going to be a romance between the daughter and Harvey Jr. too 🤣🤣

#fic writing #fanfic asks #dream beyond the fantasy

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sea-and-storm · 7 years ago

Text

OOC;

I can finally see the light at the end of the Qulaan tribe lore dump rework tunnel. All I’ve got left are write-ups for a handful of rituals and celebrations then going through everything with a fine tooth comb one last time for proofreading.

And then I’m good to move it to its own domain and shill like mad, showing it off like any proud parent shows off pictures of their kids to anyone with a pulse.

I may or may not be really proud of how it is turning out.

BUT MOST OF ALL, I’M LOOKING FORWARD TO BEING ABLE TO.. YOU KNOW.. ACTUALLY ROLEPLAY.

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khorren · 4 years ago

Photo

Aoife progress

I’ve been slacking with the journals recently as I’ve just felt kinda uninspired, but I’ll pick them up here eventually.

Aoife is now done with Season 2 Living World. I carried on with the whole “if you go into a zone, you map it” thing. As such the only maps I didn’t visit on my journey to this point were Queensdale, Fireheart Rise, Caledon, and Fields of Ruin. I should go knock out Southsun too as that’s technically a Living Story 1 map, and probably should have done it with my season 1 recap video re-watch.

But anyway. We’re at 97 hours with minimal AFK-ing. I’m 75 points shy of maxing Herald and have 36 left I can grab in core Tyria. Was running core stuff throughout. Mostly Jalis/Shiro. Pretty much everything died with Phase Travesal and Unrelenting Assault and then mush buttons. If I needed an extra heal when fleeing pop to Jalis and heal up. Whee.

On to Heart of Thorns! I think I’ll go map first before doing the story though. I want to get Herald squared away so I have some fun skills to play with as I go through the story.

#Guild Wars 2 #GW2 #Aoife 2

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punkscowardschampions · 10 months ago

Text

Jali

Johnny: What went on with your sister, the one who wouldn’t eat?

Ali: Do you mean what help did she get?

Johnny: I don’t know, maybe I mean that

Ali: Or how did she end up like that, I don’t want to waste time not answering the question you want answered, is all

Johnny: Did she get seen to or no?

Ali: Not properly, no

Ali: It’s like addiction, when the person don’t want it, it’s hard to make anything stick

Johnny: But she’s yet to go to her grave

Ali: She has times when she’s almost healthy, again, like she’s relapsed the other times but yeah, she’s alive

Ali: What’s happened?

Johnny: Too much for writing here

Ali: Are you okay, where you are, I mean?

Johnny: No

Ali: You don’t want to talk about it with anyone else in your life though

Ali: Say as much or as little as you want here, it’s not going anywhere

Johnny: I’m not to, he’s all but thrown me out for what I’m not to do, none of it’s my place, sure, where am I to go then?

Ali: Your parents?

Johnny: It’s for my sisters to busy themselves with and his word’s final, so

Ali: You’ve a right to know if something is wrong with your mammy, surely

Ali: making it hush-hush isn’t going to help anyone feel safe that it’s being handled

Johnny: I know that it is

Ali: but not what, and if more needs to be done

Johnny: There’s nothing to be done, only the caring for her

Ali: I’m so sorry

Johnny: She’s a want of me or she’d not ask [whichever sister is in charge], it’s not right I’m kept from where there’s need

Ali: Of course she does, you’re her son

Ali: You’re going to need to make your excuses when you’re at work, if your da finds out after so be it but you have to see her

Johnny: It’s not her deathbed, that’s how I’ve made it sound

Ali: You’re still allowed to care

Johnny: About her, not for

Ali: You trust your sisters, don’t you

Johnny: They’ve nursed more babies and elders than I’ll ever

Ali: You’re still worried, I would be too

Johnny: My mammy’s neither and she’s both

Ali: It’s like, head stuff only or head and physical?

Johnny: I haven’t school enough for how doctors speak and my sisters, they’ve less themselves

Johnny: How am I to be sure we’re handling this as it is to be?

Ali: Sorry for my ignorance but there has to be times where you go hospital and defer to the doctors, when you know you know when those times are, yeah?

Ali: Is it that your mammy can’t say or the call needs making for her?

Johnny: He thinks he can pray her back to herself

Ali: Right

Ali: They’re your parents and that’s your da but I think a part of growing up is having to step in

Ali: they can be like one person, if she’s not able to give say so then he might be just as incapable, even if he’s saying different now

Johnny: They’ve always been one, that’s what proper marriage makes of you

Ali: Mine are the same

Johnny: He’s a hand, she’s the other

Johnny: she was

Ali: People lash out when they’re scared, he’s the most to lose

Ali: but what if there’s a fix or at least something to help? You have to find out, don’t you

Johnny: He’s the law I follow

Johnny: He’ll take my head off or I’ll have to his to away her out from under his roof, she’s only to leave in a box, for the ground

Ali: What about your sisters?

Ali: Talk to them more, see what their thinking of it all is

Ali: they can talk to him in a way you can’t, man to man, father and daughter is different

Johnny: I’ve no uses even there then

Ali: That’s not what I meant

Ali: If I’m making you feel worse whilst trying to be helpful then I’ll stop

Johnny: It’s not you, you can’t be a help where none’s to be found

Ali: There isn’t a worse feeling, that much I do know

Johnny: All I’ve done and I’m still being punished

Ali: Is your mother a good woman?

Johnny: She’s practically sainted

Ali: There then, he isn’t going to get you through her

Johnny: He already has

Johnny: God or my daddy, I’m not son enough for either

Ali: Johnny

Johnny: People don’t need burying to be lost to you, you’re the last who needs telling that score

Ali: I know that people who do everything they’re meant, keep their heads down and work hard get overlooked

Ali: and more to do and less thanks for their troubles, it’s fucked, no one said it weren’t but

Johnny: What’s it for if he’s not proud and she’s not herself?

Ali: I don’t know

Ali: You have to be, on both counts

Johnny: She don’t know us now and I don’t want to

Ali: She’ll remember, she asked for you

Johnny: I can’t lose her yet

Ali: It’s not her deathbed, you said

Ali: there’s time, I’m not saying enough but you’re both still here

Johnny: It should be me if it’s anyone

Ali: None of us get the say

Johnny: I’ve memories I can’t rid myself of hard as I try and she’s none she’s allowed to keep, God’s had that say and he’s proper proud of himself

Ali: You taking on the blame for her illness, what is that going to do

Johnny: I used to say I’d a good head on good shoulders, least I can do is let them be weighed down as it’s shown itself to not be true

Ali: Awful things happen to good people every day

Ali: this world isn’t promised, only the next, isn’t that the point

Johnny: This world’s what I’ve made of it by breaking every promise, my word’s no good and nor am I

Ali: You are

Ali: you’re not bad, not all bad

Johnny: You would say that

Johnny: I’m of her and she’s of me, her oldest boy and I failed her, more than she’s to know of ‘cause I never owned up the way she’d have me do

Johnny: it’s important and it’s connected, it has to be so

Ali: There’s no deal to be made with the universe

Ali: does that terrify you more than the idea of you fucking up every turn

Johnny: If I’m not to fix this, it’s all dark

Ali: Of course

Ali: that’s your mammy

Johnny: I’d fuck up the rest of my days to give her more but nobody’ll let me

Ali: I know

Johnny: All you know of her is [the haircut story + the dancing story and whatever others came after, but the point being heartbreakingly few because y’all didn’t get to be introduced how he would’ve wanted]

Ali: I wish I knew more, she sounds great

Johnny: She’s the reason I’ve any good in us at all

Ali: That won’t go away, nothing can change all memories, they’re still there

Johnny: The boy feels the same about you, it was there in his speaking

Ali: I hope so

Ali: that’s all any of us want for anyone we care about, that they know it, they’re happy and healthy for as much of the time as we’re given

Johnny: How’s he?

Ali: She had a brother, few years younger, so he’s looking after him

Ali: I don’t know if it’s the same as being well but under the circumstances, and when I would do the same thing…

Johnny: Doing right’s near as well to some of us as we’re to get

Ali: If we’re wrong, I never learnt any different

Johnny: I’ve yet to myself either

Ali: We weren’t opposites, even if we came from different worlds

Johnny: I remember what we were

Ali: Yeah

Ali: This is shit, your ma is too young for this to happen

Johnny: Life is extremes, told you then

Ali: I don’t remember disagreeing but I wouldn’t now if I did then

Johnny: You didn’t

Ali: I’m sorry, that this low is so low

Johnny: I shouldn’t have come to you with it, it isn’t yours

Ali: No, it’s okay

Ali: I won’t say I’m glad or anything weird but you should be able to vent

Johnny: If I’d sense I’d be drinking the problem into another like my brother is

Ali: You could, 5 o’clock somewhere

Johnny: It’s never been how I handle trouble, only brings more

Ali: You’re not wrong

Ali: isn’t my preferred method either, everyone has the family members that have it down to too fine an art to want to replicate, I guess

Johnny: We’ve all of us our demons

Ali: I’ve never met a person who doesn’t

Ali: I don’t think you can get very far without

Johnny: Even my mammy must

Ali: Definitely

Ali: but she’s a good one so you don’t know

Johnny: Told myself you weren’t to know

Ali: Why?

Johnny: It isn’t your business

Ali: I’m not about to show up

Johnny: I mean, I was of the mind to leave you alone

Ali: You can go back to that when you’re ready

Johnny: I wasn’t ever ready to put you aside

Ali: You managed, we both did

Johnny: Managing for the now’s what I know

Ali: Survival mode

Johnny: Am I to?

Ali: Yes

Johnny: How?

Ali: You just will

Ali: because people will need you

Johnny: They always need and take, this’ll be no different

Ali: Who’s going to look after you

Johnny: I look after

Ali: I remember

Johnny: I only had peace with you, it’s as true as when first I said it

Ali: Couldn’t you replace me?

Johnny: No

Ali: I can’t be mad

Ali: It was never the same

Johnny: You didn’t marry, you said you wouldn’t anyone else

Ali: God, who would I

Johnny: By god, not my cousin or I’d have had to involve myself

Ali: Maybe if I’d dated him first but I stopped trying to get your attention a long time ago

Johnny: Always were a smart girl

Ali: I can take the hint [however many years] gives, there’s stubborn and then there’s that

Johnny: But you can’t a compliment [however many years] on, no?

Ali: Said like you didn’t think I thought myself the greatest thing since sliced bread

Johnny: A compliment from me

Ali: Do I remember what that looks like…

Johnny: You’re not to have memory loss, it isn’t catching

Ali: Ah, no, not for shit craic’s sake

Johnny: Thanks a million

Ali: If you’re going to say no, then just, don’t say anything

Ali: but you’ll talk to me, if you need to again?

Johnny: What’s left to be said?

Ali: Whatever you’d be slurring if you decided to fix it with a bottle

Johnny: I’m too old for carry on of that sort

Ali: What does that mean

Johnny: Once is to be ashamed of, what would twice be?

Ali: Heaven forbid you accept the bare minimum

Ali: it’s not as if anything can help, it’s just listening

Johnny: From you there’s no just anything

Ali: Rude

Johnny: You don’t do the bare minimum

Ali: I could remind myself of all the shit things you’ve done, if I feel myself getting carried away

Johnny: List’s longer than your arm

Ali: Your arm, maybe

Johnny: The length of you, even if that little girl grew some

Ali: I don’t think I have

Ali: When I did the kids’ height in the door jamb, they used to ask why I wasn’t growing

Johnny: [tell her that your tallest daughter, because I’m not gonna look up each of their heights but at least one of y’all has to be taller than Dakota I’m sure, was/is already the height of her depending on ages rn and heights, we know what I’m trying to say, their mother is tall]

Ali: It’s so unfair

Johnny: What have you the need to reach?

Ali: Shall I make you that list?

Johnny: The boy’s near my height, tell him he’s to help you

Ali: He does

Johnny: There’s your fairness then

Ali: At least the [however old Junior is rn] hasn’t overtaken me yet, yeah

Johnny: [me so beyond tempted to make your youngest roughly the same age just cos we can so tell her that]

Ali: I didn’t know you had any that young too

Johnny: Only the one, the rest are that bit older

Ali: Yeah, I thought so, timings-wise

Johnny: Yeah

Ali: Until you have more anyway

Johnny: Maybe

Ali: I’m done, almost definitely

Johnny: You could sound more definite, like

Ali: I shouldn’t need to tell you that when you say never again is when the man upstairs steps in

Johnny: Right, never say never

Ali: Who knows what life is going to throw at you, certainly not me, track record is anything to go by

Johnny: If I’d know it was to be my mammy not living to the old age hers did I’d have behaved different

Ali: Hey, she’s still here, different but not gone

Johnny: For the now

Ali: You don’t know different there either

Ali: People can live for years with things like this, you might be surprised

Johnny: But what life’s it?

Ali: I know

Ali: but, she might not know the difference, at that point, d’you know what I mean

Ali: it’ll be worse on yous

Johnny: It’s hard to reckon on worse, tempting my man Jesus there though I am

Ali: Thank fuck I didn’t promise I could cheer you up about this

Johnny: Tall order for somebody I’ve not seen for years

Ali: Old habits

Johnny: You should be old enough to have kicked it

Ali: Says you, having talked at length about how you’ve not changed at all

Johnny: You’re to be better than me

Ali: Sorry to disappoint

Johnny: Proves you’ve got yourself new habits to put with the old

Ali: Not how I remember it

Johnny: How I can

Ali: I won’t begrudge you remembering the good

Johnny: We only ended bad, what don’t?

Ali: Maybe there’s truth in that

Johnny: ‘Course there is

Ali: I can’t believe that only things that don’t end are good though

Ali: I’ve only a handful of those compared to all the things I’ve lost

Johnny: Everything ends

Ali: On earth, sure

Johnny: That’s where I am and needed, as you said

Ali: You and me both, boy

Johnny: The rest’s for him to know and us to find out

Ali: I can tell you have a [the age of his youngest because so childish of a phrase lol]

Johnny: She asks plenty of questions

Ali: Junior is a lot like Ronan

Ali: by which I mean he goes with the flow

Johnny: For the little lad’s sake I hope he’s more sense

Ali: Who needs sense at that age, there’s fun to be had

Johnny: You would say that

Ali: Come on, life is hard enough, isn’t it

Johnny: For those who don’t make it no easier on themselves

Ali: You think that’s Ro?

Johnny: He’s among ‘em, him and Moses both

Ali: Where is he now?

Johnny: [lord knows but fill her in on the basic deets]

Ali: Somehow surprising and unsurprising at the same time?

Johnny: [also give her some tea about their dad that’s come out since she’s been on the scene just for fun, because he was a wrong ‘un as well and that’s what we’re giving with this, like we’re very unsurprised]

Ali: Ah, [naming him as if he was a good friend]

Johnny: As da’s in law go, he’s sent to try us, like

Ali: I bet

Johnny: Helps not to be living [whatever the OG site was called because he definitely took his wife and moved to a different one that’s still nearby, you can’t tell me he didn’t flee the scene of the crime]

Ali: It’s a lot of new families now, most moved on

Johnny: We’ve talked of returning, be nearer my mammy

Ali: That makes sense

Ali: Pros and cons, like

Johnny: I’d have it so she comes to us but my da’ll not

Ali: They’re very settled, I do see his point there

Johnny: [Another of his sisters] reckons familiar surroundings are what’s needed if she’s to remember things

Ali: Having all her things around is possible anywhere but yeah, a big change could take time to adjust to

Ali: You might have to put up with your father-in-law, for time being

Johnny: Whatever’s best for her

Ali: Yeah, that’s your priority right now

Johnny: We’ll soon settle back ourselves

Ali: There’s a ‘van where yours used to be

Johnny: Yeah?

Ali: Last I saw, yep

Johnny: Go on, you can’t tell me there’s a ‘van and nothing about it

Ali: [tell him the deets you know because had such a normal reaction about it, clearly]

Johnny: [here asking questions etc like she’ll magically have more info to give because likewise not okay about this or the the idea of returning actually]

Ali: You don’t need a tour, it’s still mostly the same, the bare bones anyway

Johnny: How much are you there?

Ali: Oh, not enough to bother you

Ali: Just dropping and picking up the boy, that’s all

Johnny: I’ll be seeing him

Ali: Just Junior

Johnny: Unless you and his da have others

Ali: I meant, there’s no need for my Edie to be there

Johnny: If she’s need of anything, you’ll know where I am

Ali: Thanks

Ali: I shouldn’t need to bother you with anything

Johnny: She’s [however old she is now, because we’re saying basically grown in his gypsy eyes]

Ali: Yeah, she was close to Una too, the girl who passed

Ali: So Django keeps an eye on her as well

Johnny: I’ll have money for her, the same, tell her to come for it

Ali: That’s one thing that really isn’t your responsibility

Johnny: Moses isn’t responsible

Johnny: the girl’s family, I’ve a duty to her with the rest

Ali: I know how you feel, about it all

Ali: They’re provided for, I assure you

Johnny: Tell her to come, Ali

Ali: I will extend the offer, okay?

Johnny: Good

Ali: I appreciate it, whatever the outcome

Johnny: She’ll appreciate [the amount], she takes it, but as she’s yours she’ll not be told

Ali: As long as you won’t be put out if she takes it

Ali: She’s lots of projects and plans always

Johnny: I wouldn’t offer, it weren’t already hers put by

Ali: Joking, I know you

Ali: or, know that about you

Johnny: She wasn’t a girl she could have a car herself too

Ali: I’ll get her one, I’ve some birthdays before then

Johnny: You’re best to teach her to drive before Moses

Ali: No kidding, I’d not let him drive her anywhere, nevermind teach her his habits

Johnny: Might well be banned before she’s old enough, but when’s that stopped him?

Ali: Rules don’t apply, in fairness but no

Johnny: Living by nothing but his own shouldn’t at the age he is

Ali: You tried

Johnny: You said it, I’m not his daddy, I couldn’t be

Ali: Unfortunate his is who he is, not everyone is lucky

Johnny: Apple don’t fall far

Ali: None of us do

Johnny: Asked, he’d call himself fortunate

Johnny: maybe he’s the one who’s right and I’m in the wrong

Ali: Are you happy?

Johnny: I don’t know, I’ve things to be happy about

Ali: I’d say if you are majority of the time, then that’s something to be proud of

Johnny: And if you’re not?

Ali: Room for improvement?

Johnny: Something like that then

Ali: What do I know, right

Johnny: Are you no happy yourself?

Ali: I asked you like it was an easy question

Johnny: It’s yeah or a no, can’t get much easier than questions of that sort

Ali: Where was your yeah or no answer

Johnny: Where’s yours?

Ali: Sometimes not answering is answering, like

Johnny: True enough

Ali: Is it okay to say that talking to you has been

Johnny: Been what?

Ali: Okay

Ali: or, a more definite word, I don’t know

Johnny: It’s just us here

Ali: Until I say something to upset you and then it’s just me

Johnny: Come on, Ali

Ali: Sorry, sorry

Johnny: I came to you

Ali: I know

Ali: I’m glad you did

Johnny: It’s not ‘cause I didn’t know who else to, I wanted to

Ali: I want to talk to you too

Johnny: I’ve more deleted messages to you than sent ones to anybody

Ali: When was the last one you deleted?

Johnny: Last night

Ali: I’ve never had anyone I couldn’t talk to that was still here, it made me… I don’t even know how to describe what it did to me

Johnny: I weren’t still there, not for you

Ali: But

Ali: you weren’t gone enough

Johnny: I should’ve done more, one way or the other

Johnny: gone further or stayed closer

Ali: It’s been [however long, giving we’ve done well to last this long/also how has it been this long]

Johnny: Ask us when my first deleted message was

Ali: Tell me

Johnny: [I can’t be specific here because we don’t know the full tea but it’s giving IMMEDIATELY after y’all ended]

Ali: I never stopped

Ali: even when I really should, especially then

Johnny: We never did have the proper knowing how

Ali: I can’t pretend I wanted it

Johnny: Neither of us wanted what happened

Ali: Was it my fault, do you think that?

Johnny: It was mine, I’ve told you

Ali: You were better than me

Johnny: I weren’t nothing, you could’ve done better, you should

Ali: I can’t

Johnny: You would’ve, but you was a little girl and I fucked your life

Ali: I did that myself

Johnny: I did it to you first

Ali: A lot of things

Ali: but you didn’t screw me up any worse than I did you

Johnny: Don’t start none of that, there’s no worse than putting a baby in your pal and letting it kill her

Ali: She didn’t kill herself, I know that

Johnny: Her acting up lead to her death sure enough as gorja girls taking other pills

Johnny: not passing how your sister did don’t mean she’d no mind herself

Ali: She wouldn’t leave me, she knew I was there for her, we’re all each other had

Johnny: So then where’s she?

Ali: It was an accident

Johnny: Consequence, there’s no accidents

Ali: There are though

Johnny: We’re not to agree

Ali: It’s not important now

Johnny: It’s done, true

Ali: A long time done, whatever did or didn’t happen, it’s all over

Johnny: Yeah

Ali: You can’t take personal responsibility for every bad thing that befalls every person you ever know

Johnny: I take responsibility on when it’s mine to

Ali: And when it’s not

Johnny: I’ll not

Ali: Another time we’ll not agree

Johnny: Old habits

Ali: I don’t know how to be anyone else

Johnny: I’d never ask it of you

Ali: We did once

Johnny: No

Ali: I wanted to be who you needed, you know I believed I could be, don’t you

Johnny: We was our most ourselves with each other, that’s what I needed and you gave

Ali: I just didn’t want it to end, I guess

Johnny: It weren’t meant to

Ali: No, it wasn’t

Johnny: Blame you’ll let us take, will you?

Ali: I should have known better

Ali: Known you’d always go back

Johnny: It wasn’t say I had, I should’ve known

Ali: I made you feel differently

Johnny: You were an escape from the pressure I wanted one from

Johnny: I asked God for you

Ali: Must be why he’s angry, you threw me away

Johnny: I was after keeping you, that’s what fucked everything

Ali: Says you, you can’t suppose to know what he’s thinking or wanting

Johnny: It’s said by the elders too, a girl like you’s a rite of passage not a wife

Ali: And here you are all grown up, mission accomplished, right

Johnny: You’d have me grow up like Moses or Ronan, barely at all

Ali: So they’re my fault now?

Johnny: The fault’s their own, it’s their culture and traditions they’ve forsaken not yous, you’ve none

Ali: Not everyone in a culture lives as one being, there’s room for differences

Johnny: Loads of room being between difference and disgrace

Ali: Sure

Ali: Ronan isn’t

Johnny: In some ways he’s worse

Ali: Because he bothers to see his gorja child?

Johnny: For fathering a child with the same gorja his brother already had

Ali: I’d be his before I’d ever be Moses’

Johnny: He’d time enough for the learning you’d never be his

Ali: Never say never

Johnny: I’ll say it there

Ali: Well

Johnny: What’ve you to say?

Ali: It’s not your say, is it

Johnny: It’s not for you to lie you want him

Ali: We’re better friends, always have been

Johnny: We never could agree on how many you were to have

Ali: I didn’t have need for as many when I had you

Johnny: I had need for nothing

Ali: Yeah

Ali: It was good, wasn’t it

Johnny: What it was don’t matter any more

Ali: Maybe not to you

Johnny: You still take everything too far

Ali: If you’ve had enough, the trip down memory lane can stop

Johnny: Last I touched a drop of drink would be when you let Moses touch you

Johnny: [tell her about how your grandma who I’ve said before was like the medicine lady had to do a DIY gypsy stomach pump because you literally gave yourself alcohol poisoning basically about the baby Edie of it all, like girl if you want a trip down memory lane let’s fucking go]

Ali: But I had to just be okay with it

Ali: I had to just disappear without complaint whilst you married his sister

Johnny: You didn’t have to have his child, Ali

Ali: I did what I had to do, just like you

Ali: You can be happy with your choices, you don’t have to be of mine

Johnny: You did what’d hurt me

Johnny: he’s blood to me, they both are, what choice have I?

Ali: Do you think I wasn’t hurt? Is there a world that exists to you where every choice I made didn’t leave me with scars?

Johnny: There’s one where I didn’t rub mine in your face

Ali: You don’t know, how he got into my head

Johnny: I warned you about him, you don’t listen

Ali: He talked like you

Ali: but I could have him, so I did

Johnny: We’re not the 2, or 3, of us interchangeable

Ali: No shit

Ali: If either was even a close second, they’d still be with me now

Johnny: There you went collecting us all just as I said

Ali: I wasn’t giving you one-way loyalty, not then

Johnny: Did you have my brother?

Ali: No, I did not

Johnny: Did you try it on with him?

Ali: No, actually

Ali: Because he liked Carly and even with her gone, I wouldn’t do that

Johnny: You’ll give her loyalty but not us

Ali: You had say in breaking my heart

Ali: that’s how it felt, she didn’t mean to leave me

Johnny: She kept the baby, why’d that not?

Ali: That was an accident too, her life and head were a mess from day one

Johnny: And what of my head? But you’d punish me

Ali: Did I ever say I was proud of every decision I made? No, because I’m not

Johnny: It was the same accident

Ali: It makes me want to get in that state myself, hearing about you like that, even now

Johnny: I couldn’t let you, even now

Ali: I want to say sorry, like it can mean anything

Johnny: But you know there’s no use nor sense

Ali: Is it better to you if it was just to hurt you, or that I was so fucked mentally that I believed him

Ali: I don’t know, I go back and forth myself

Johnny: Either way I’m after killing him

Ali: Someone will, one of these days

Johnny: Am I to be comforted by that?

Ali: No, he’s still your family

Ali: it’s just that news of it wouldn’t surprise me

Johnny: It should be me or nobody at all

Ali: You’re not to ruin your life over him and what I did

Johnny: You reckon it isn’t?

Ali: You’ve a family, a wife, what you wanted

Johnny: I was told to marry her so’s one of ‘em could be respectable and live decent

Johnny: all it did was mean her brothers could do as they want, keep with the carry on held to no account and they have

Johnny: the only sacrifice is mine, always

Ali: You’re the scapegoat, they can’t be told, you can

Johnny: And now I can’t lay a hand on him neither, to this day still

Ali: I should have seen, that all he wanted was to hurt you

Johnny: A shared want of yous both

Ali: Not that much

Ali: I didn’t think he’d hurt family like that

Johnny: Moses cares for Moses

Ali: No one became more aware of that than me

Johnny: She’s a good girl despite the hole in him, I hear

Ali: A credit to herself

Johnny: And you

Ali: I should have picked better daddys for them, her especially

Ali: you weren’t wrong

Johnny: I’d have picked different myself, had I say

Ali: Having you play matchmaker would’ve sent me over the edge, fair to say

Johnny: Well, I meant for me but can’t say I wouldn’t for you

Ali: Oh, that does make slightly more sense

Johnny: Too late the now

Ali: Anything made different, all of us would be

Ali: some things really aren’t choices and if they were, I’d still choose my kids how they are

Johnny: There then, you must be happy enough

Ali: With them, of course, however it came about, I brought them here, what a complete evil bitch I’d be not to love them

Johnny: I’ve nothing to say of that, turning your back’s not meant to be an option of anyone but here Moses and I are

Ali: Men seem to do it all the time, yous aren’t alone

Johnny: You said I’d become a different man than him, little were you to know

Ali: It was meant to be different, we all were

Johnny: For you, for me it was meant to be how it is

Ali: You weren’t meant to do what you did to Carly

Johnny: And she weren’t to be living there, how far back are we to go?

Ali: I wasn’t making a point, I’m saying that you shouldn’t have no kid with a gorja girl, if we’re to be brutally honest

Johnny: I know that, I was talking of the rest being as it should, like

Ali: Are you waiting for me to say I’m happy for you?

Johnny: I stopped waiting for you a long while ago, don’t worry yourself

Ali: I’d be happy for you if you could say you were

Johnny: I’m not after you being happy for me, on you go

Ali: No, I’m not

Johnny: We’ve talked enough

Ali: That’s it then

Ali: See you in another, what, [again being so exact with when you last spoke]

Johnny: You was bang on when you said we’ve even less need to see each other

Ali: Right, fine

Ali: I hope you sort everything out with your mammy

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