#my inbox and dm's are open if someone has questions

[httpsserene]

I have been having SUCH a thought since the Thigh Riding, and I NEED to tell you.

We know reader has been loving Max and Charles’ thighs, but have you seen those silicone thigh toys? They’re basically ridged pads you strap to your thigh and…well you can guess what they do with them.

I just- I feel like it would elevate it, their sweet girl opening up to the world of toys whilst in the comfort of something she loved.

𝐡𝐭𝐭𝐩𝐬𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐞𝐧𝐞 | 𝐓𝐫𝐚𝐜𝐤 𝐋𝐢𝐦𝐢𝐭𝐬 | 𝐄𝐱𝐭𝐫𝐚 𝐒𝐜𝐞𝐧𝐞: 𝐃𝐨𝐰𝐧𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐜𝐞

summary: all my (terrified and oversensitive) homies hate vibrators!! max and charles introduce you to something better.  content warning: 18+ only. mdni. explicit sexual content. vibrators. thigh riding. sex toys. non-penetrative sex. edging. praise kink. corruption kink. dom/sub undertones. coming untouched. sub!charles. sub!reader. dom!max. pairing: max verstappen x charles leclerc x fem!black!reader word count: 2.4k words.

author’s notes: this is from december 2023, jesus christ. about fucking time right, @vetteltea? this has been haunting me in my sleep ever since this hit my inbox, now it’s y’all’s problem too < 333 psss, next post will either be toasty part two (toto) or a smau xxx

(if you’re unsure about what these specific thigh toys are, don’t worry, i would link an example but idk if that would get me put in tblr jail and i’m on thin ice with my mentions, tags, and even dms not working :| look up “grinding pad sex toy” to get an idea of what i’m referencing in this fic. )

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You’ve deeply repressed the memory of your orgasm-deprived outburst that kick started your sexual exploration with Max and Charles. Vaguely, you can remember saying that you possibly considered the thought of buying a vibrator to get yourself off since riding your pillow wasn’t enough anymore.

[…you’ve become depraved enough to consider buying a vibrator, but all packages delivered to this apartment have to be approved by max or charles to be sent up, and you’re definitely not bold enough to go out and buy one (and risk being seen by one of their fans or have to physically talk to someone to buy one)...]

[…you seem to have missed the fact that you sent their minds reeling and continue venting, “i don’t know what to do, maxy!  i’ve been doing the same thing, and it’s NEVER failed me before. it’s cruel that it stopped working when you guys left me for more than a month! no matter how i did it–if i did the exact same things i’ve always been doing, or tried something new, nothing worked! i was literally just considering buying a fucking vibrator! a vibrator, charles, i’d rather run naked in the street than buy that online and have to put in this delivery address–”

charles gently presses finger against your mouth, shushing you. he pulls you into a deep hug, rubbing a hand up and down the length of your back , the motion pacifying you. he hums, and it vibrates through his chest to yours, “mmm, we’re home now, mon ange. there’s no need to run in the streets naked–” “definitely not,” max jumps in, reacting possessively at the implication of other people seeing you undressed. charles rolls his eyes and continues (like he’s not just as jealous as max), “or buy a vibrator. i know it must be so frustrating…”]

Charles was right. You didn’t have to go streaking or buy a sex toy to get off, your boyfriends took care of you. That night, you were satisfied by riding Max’s thigh. Then a few days later, you learned how to pleasure your men with handjobs. A couple of days after that you were fingerfucked into an altered mental state, then followed up with watching Charles cum untouched as Max ate him out. You had Max’s mouth on you next and weeks later in a Spanish villa, you allowed them to take your virginity.

The five days you three spent in that villa were filled with pleasure, as Max and Charles fulfilled every request of yours without question. In bed, on the sofa, from the kitchen floor to the dining table, from the hot tub to the bathroom shower, horizontally, vertically, parabolically, from dusk to dawn—the two years of relationship you had without sexual intimacy had been put to rest. The understanding, the vulnerability, and the trust rooted within everyone had led to that moment. It was worth it.

So, one would understand your confusion when Max drops the idea of sex toys in conversation with you and Charles on a random morning. With an audible noise of confusion, you tilt your head up at him adorably, and genuinely question, “Why would I use a toy when I have you two?” Your tummy tightened when that sentence caused Charles to look at you with dripping molten eyes and Max’s mumbled grumble about corrupting your innocence goes unheard. Minutes later, you were bent over the kitchen island, the skirt of your sundress shoved up around your waist, and your white panties dangling off of one ankle as they took turns eating you out. Needless to say, you forgot about the subject of conversation the moment they knocked your legs open.

Eventually, they do manage to have a chat about toys without it devolving into sex. 

“Schat,” Max grabbed your attention, the clink of his silverware resting on his plate further interrupted your focus on spinning pasta onto your fork.

“Yes, Maxy?” you responded, meeting his eyes with a smile.

“After this discussion, we will never bring this up again if you are adamantly against the idea,” you brought your fork to your lips, munching away with a look of puzzlement, the Dutchman continued, “But, Charlie and I were talking…and we think, that—with your approval, of course—that there’s a chance you may enjoy experiencing and learning about sex toys, and how good they can make you feel. As long as either one of us is using them on you—and, with your hatred of them—they’re also not vibrators.”

You choked on your pasta, Charles making a noise of surprise as he rushed forward to pat you on the back.

Airways now cleared, you looked at Max with watery eyes, “There was not enough foreshadowing to let me know where the conversation was going. And, fuck vibrators. They are way too strong.”

The Monegasque’s eyes brightened with humor, “Hm. I think vibrators are nice, especially when they’re in Max’s hand.”

“You’re a menace and a freak,” the older man responded, “And she’s chronically sensitive. Don’t tease.”

Charles tugged at one of your curls, chuckling as he saw the brown skin of your cheeks redden.

“I mean,” you paused to play fight with your boyfriend, batting his hand from your hair cutely, “You guys haven’t been wrong with anything you’ve introduced me to. If you think that I might enjoy something…I guess I can try it. And, you’ll stop if I tell you to, right?”

“Always, mon ange.” “Of course, liefje.”

“Okay, then. I just don’t think there’s a toy that I’ll like?”

A smirk spread across Max’s lips when he glanced over at Charles, like they knew something you didn’t. His blue eyes were alight with humor as they looked back at you, “Let us worry about that.”

You did such a good job of letting your boyfriends “worry about sex toys” that you ended up forgetting the conversation happened. Until tonight, when you walked into your bedroom to see Charles on the bed completely naked, save for—what appears to be, a pink silicone pad strapped around his tanned, muscular thigh.

You freeze in the doorway, mouth parted, struggling to process the sight in front of you. The brunette is ruined. His hair is damp with sweat, strands of curls stuck to his forehead, and green eyes moist with dried tear tracks painting the ruddiness of his cheeks. His lips are bitten red, swollen, and moist with his spit—Max’s too. The bruises start on his collarbone, deep red marks brush along his clavicle and pecs, and there are visible imprints of teeth around his right nipple. Traces of Max’s unforgiving grip are painted on his waist, thumbprints obvious to your eyes. His cock looks painful; burning red, twitching randomly, the vein on his underside raised, and precome has been leaking out of his tip for a while if the puddle by the base is any telling. 

Employing his skill for perfect timing, the en-suite door opens, and Max steps into the room with a bottle of lube in his hand. 

“Charlie?” Max coos, walking over to the delirious man, pouting sympathetically when the brunette’s head falls forward to rest on his hip, ruffling his hair and scratching along his scalp. “Aren’t you going to thank our pretty girl for putting an end to your torture?”

“–rci, merci,” the exhausted man mumbles messily. Max hums in content, dropping the lube on the bed and gesturing for you to come closer. Tripping over your feet in haste to follow his order, you ask softly, “How long have you had him like this?”

“Around forty-five minutes,” Max shrugs, dismissively, “He was getting too excited as we waited for you to join us.”

Swallowing shakily, you inquire, “Excited about what?

“Your new sex toy.” 

You gasp and Max’s eyes flutter across your face as he gages your reaction. Max sees you shift on your feet and casts look downward; your thighs are pressed together for friction—you’re aroused.

“Do you want to try it?”

“Yes, Max.”

The Dutchman smiles at you, reaching out to tuck a stray curl behind your ear, and leans forward to press a multitude of chaste kisses on your lips, laughing lowly when you whine with displeasure as he ignores your attempts to deepen them. “You’re being so brave for me. Take your clothes off, pretty girl.”

Bare in the blink of an eye, you look at your older boyfriend for his next direction.

“Our Charlie,” Max starts, helping the fucked-out man sit up straight, “Has been so kind to volunteer his thigh to you. Strapped around it,” he pauses to slap his hand down beneath the toy, smirking at Charles’ delayed yelp, and squeezing the meat of his muscle warmly, “Is a ridged silicone pad designed to simulate the vulva and clit as you grind. The waves and spikes of silicone are malleable and soft,” Max drags his finger across them demonstratively, “and are smooth and bouncy as you slide across it, allowing for a continuous rubbing sensation—I did my research.”

Giggling nervously as your eyes flicker between Charles’ cock and the daunting pink slab of plastic, “I can tell. Um—I just ride it like it’s his thigh?”

Max nods and offers you his hand for stability as you move to straddle the pad. Charles blinks, raising trembling hands to rest on your hips, staring at you with hazy eyes. You sigh, tangling your hand in the nape of his hair and using it to pull him forward into a kiss. His lips are clumsy but eager as they move against yours, whimpers muffled into your mouth and beard scratching along your chin. He tries to tug you downwards to have you firmly sit on the pad but is halted by Max.

“Greedy, both of you,” Max snorts, picking up the forgotten bottle of lube and uncapping it to lightly drizzle some on the toy's surface, “I know you get wetter than the ocean but, better safe than sorry.”

He pats you on the ass in encouragement, and you shake your head with shame as you lower yourself down on the silicone, draping your arms around Charles’ shoulders and pausing to acquaint yourself with the new feeling. The chill of the lube startles you but aside from that, the toy is…comfortable. The raised hump sits perfectly against the curvature of your cunt and already, you’re anticipating the focused stimulation it will provide. 

Max sits behind Charles and the bed sinks under his weight, barely jostling the Monegasque’s thigh. However, it’s enough of a movement that it causes one of the soft spikes to clip your clit, pushing a quiet noise of surprise from your lips.

“Oh,” you murmur airily.

Trying to hide the quirk of his lips, Max leans forward to whisper directly into Charles’ ear, “This seems awfully familiar to the first time she rode my thigh, no?”

You whimper audibly, knowing that he purposefully spoke loud enough for you to hear his words. Refusing to fixate on Charles’ reply, you circle your hips, breath catching as the various textures set your nerves ablaze. You understand that Max added the lube to prevent any unwanted roughness—it’s rendered unnecessary as your arousal starts to leak. Digging your nails into the younger man’s back, you rock your hips back and forth slowly, moaning freely as the waves are a consistent friction against your labia. 

“It’s–fuck—i-it’s good.”

“Stuttering already,” Max tuts, and you feel the heat in your cheeks radiate down to your bouncing chest. Your rhythm roughens; dragging yourself along the toys in desperation, toes curling at every random press of the spikes against your outer lips and clit. Charles gasps in relief, your quickened pace causing his cock to bounce and rub against his abdomen in his puddle of precome. He gets lucky on every few grinds when you undulate forwards and his cock bounces to glide against your navel. His hands grip firmly around your hips and shove them into a jerkier motion, keeping you close to him so his reddened length can be soothed against your skin constantly. 

The change in angle and position has caused the spikes to form a barrage around your clit and the waves drag over your entrance, teasing you with the feeling of being opened up. Dropping your head to hide your face in Charles’ neck, you muffle your pitchy moans and shrieks by tasting the sweat beading on his skin.

“I’m jealous, schatje,” Max speaks, “I almost want to pull her off of your thigh and have her sit on my face.”

Fresh tears spill from Charles’ eyes as he begs, “N-no-no—mmmph—please, ‘m close.”

Your hips start to rabbit against the toy, and the texture between your legs is overwhelming but too pleasurable to consider slowing. 

Max yanks Charles’ head backward with a fist in his hair, “Do you want to cum, Charlie?”

The man in question babbles incoherently, chest trembling from lack of oxygen as he continues to sob; he tries to nod, but can’t, thanks to Max’s firm grip. The burning of his scalp doesn’t subdue him, it encourages him to keep tugging so the pain floods endorphins through his body. 

“You know what to say,” Max states calmly, the words sending shivers down your spine. Your own body starts to tingle as you taste your orgasm on the tip of your tongue; you’re too delighted at the new sensations to let any embarrassment build from reaching the edge quickly.

Charles struggles to get his tongue, lips, and vocal cords to cooperate. You see a frantic look light in his eyes, sure he’s trying to puzzle out what language he’s sane enough to communicate in. He manages to verbalize sounds that could be likened to Max’s name if you brush past his whimpers and cries.

“Plea–,” Charles tries to push the word out pitifully, “—ah, sss'il te pla—” his cock bumps against your navel, and his words cut off, eyes rolling back before he can finish begging.

A humorous laugh leaves Max; this is the easiest way Max has ever made the younger man lose his speech. He softens, and gives into the pillow prince, “You did so good, Charlie. You tried your hardest for me, yeah? You begged so prettily tonight, almost as pretty as you look. Such a good boy, Charles. You can cum.”

Strikingly, the approval works for both you and Charles. Twin cries of pleasure erupt as your orgasms blur your vision and burn through your muscles. The feeling of Charles’s cum splattering against your stomach sends another burst of light through your skin as you continue to grind fitfully on the silicone pad. A lake of wetness puddled on the poor man’s thigh, that squelches as you move. 

Charles is rendered silent as his cock continues to pulse even when the flow of his release ceases. Max brings his hand down to squeeze at his base and Charles releases a choppy scream as it pushes another couple of ribbons out of him. His hips thrust upwards with every string, forcing hisses of over sensitivity to slip from you as it drags the soaked pad against your cunt. You would happily crawl off his thigh, but you haven’t regained feeling in your legs yet. 

Thankfully, Charles deflates back into Max, his cock finally softening and slowly losing some of its flush. Tears start to leak from his eyes again, his chest shuddering through little sobs. You whimper softly at his tears and Max pulls you both to rest comfortably in the bed, as he shushes you two through the comedown. When the tears, shivers, and shakes halt, a pleased tilt of lips rises to Charles's face as his eyes dance between you and Max. 

The Dutchman unclips the toy from Charles’s thigh and smirks at the wet peeling noise that sounds.

“So…I assume this toy has your approval?”

© httpsserene2023

[propertyofwicked]

SMITTEN - LN

ln x reader, platonic!grid x reader SMAU

based on this request �� my inbox is open ✧

warnings: none, just a little swearing throughout - also she's a short one

masterlist the playlist

⭑･ﾟﾟ･*:༅｡.｡༅:*ﾟ:*:✼✿　　✿✼:*ﾟ:༅｡.｡༅:*･ﾟﾟ･⭑

yourusername made a new post!

liked by charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, and 21,223 others

yourusername 10 years ago today, i competed in my final karting race in order to pursue my dream career - and i would do it all over again, especially when i still get to spend my days with these losers

tagged: charles_leclerc, maxverstappen1, pierregasly

view all 5,421 comments

maxverstappen1 losers?? i think you mean losers and three time world champion, no?

⤷ yourusername they're not mutually exclusive

charles_leclerc proud of everything you've achieved mon amour

⤷ yourusername you’re just glad i left karting so that i stopped kicking your ass

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yourusername made a new post!

liked by mclaren, oscarpiastri, and 21,223 others

yourusername thank you mclaren for having me today! trying to get the drivers to sit down and answer my questions may have shaved a few years from my life but i had fun regardless!

check out the video on youtube now!

view all 5,421 comments

mclaren thank you for babysitting! 🧡

⤷ yourusername id say anytime but the curly haired one kept asking "why" after every sentence :/

⤷ landonorris babysitting? nah, milf training comment has been deleted

⤷ landonorris ….why?

⤷ yourusername not sure what i did in a past life to deserve this

⤷ username3 yo anyone else see the deleted comment? someone pr train this man pleeeease

landonorris was lovely to see you! stop by anytime 🧡

⤷ username1 "lovely" 👀

username5 working hard or hardly working?

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oscarpiastri 🧡

yourusername made a new post!

liked by landonorris, charles_leclerc, and 12,358 others

yourusername taking a break from being your favourite journalist to become the ultimate stray cat whisperer

view all 2,381 comments

francisca.cgomes you look so gorgeous meu bem ❤️

⤷ yourusername i am nothing compared to you kiks ❤️

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landonorris correct! you are my favourite journalist! and i am a stray cat!

⤷ yourusername be so fucking fr rn lando

⤷ username5 i refuse to believe this is real

⤷ oscarpiastri pretty sure i just heard him meow honestly

landonorris hi! im free june 24 if you want to hangout june 24 lmk im not doing anything june 24 please msg me if ur available june 24 so we could maybe hangout or do something june 24 !!

⤷ charles_leclerc lando please stop you're embarrassing youself

⤷ maxverstappen1 no charles, let him cook

⤷ charles_leclerc this is going to end badly

⤷ maxverstappen1 thats what im hoping for

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username8 she's so beautiful i dont know if i wanna be her or with her

⤷ landonorris i know what im chosing

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⤷ landonorris yes ma'am 🫡

⤷ yourusername ma'am??? im 2 years older than you not 20

yourusername made a new post!

liked by landonorris, francisca.cgomes , and 23,139 others

yourusername test drive

view all 6,581 comments

username3 test drive? THE CAR OR LANDO?

⤷ username12 that is not lando - surely???

charles_leclerc its june 24th.

⤷ pierregasly he's only gone and done it

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⤷ carlossainz55 no gracias 😩

⤷ username3 this confirms it OH MY GOD

username7 what car do you drive?

⤷ yourusername my personal car is just a peugeot 208 but i rented a porsche for the week!

yourusername made a new post!

liked by lewishamilton, mercedesamgf1 and 23,139 others

yourusername back to work, and back to mercedes for the first time in a while! keep your eyes peeled for some race week content coming your way!

tagged: lewishamilton, georgerussell63

view all 1,372 comments

georgerussell63 right well that's just cruel y/n. please violate lewis JUST ONCE

⤷ yourusername lewis didn't have a habit of running me off the track repeatedly

⤷ georgerussell63 that was ONCE. 14 YEARS AGO.

⤷ yourusername that's a strange way of apologising

⤷ username14 sometimes i forget she used to kart with like half of the grid

⤷ username14 like girly out here interviewing her childhood friends every week

mercedesamgf1 i feel like we need context for the last image, y/n

⤷ yourusername there are some things you will never know, admin

landonorris come back to mclaren tf?

⤷ yourusername soon 🤫

username4 lewis actually took part in social content? don't give me false hope i beg of u

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username15 sorry is everyone just ignoring lando being desperate in the comments?

⤷ yourusername if we ignore him, he'll go away

⤷ landonorris wrong. ill get worse! hope that helps x

yourusername made a new post!

liked by landonorris, lilymhe and 42,601 others

yourusername cats out the bag

view all 2,671 comments

landonorris milf.

⤷ yourusername im not a mother??

⤷ landonorris *yet.

username3 wait how short is she? 'cos lando is not that tall i SWEAR

maxverstappen1 don't you mean...cougar?

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lilymhe that should be me holding ur hand

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⤷ lilymhe say less

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⤷ landonorris devoured.

username15 does he not get bored of you asking him questions all the time?

⤷ yourusername not really, 'cos when i run out of work related questions i spiral into asking if he's mad at me every 20 minutes

⤷ username6 honestly so real for that

[aethelwyneleigh27]

Toothache

How does one go "You're Too Sweet For Me" to "My Baby's Sweet As Can Be"?

Synopsis: Simon Riley finds himself stuck in a situation, growing feelings for his roommate who's so annoyingly caring, domestic, sweet and too good for him. What happens when he let's himself indulge in the sweetness rather than cage himself in the bitter life he's been told is the only one he's deserving of and the only life he's known?

Apologies to this mess of a lyricfic, I couldn't help it even though this was supposed to be a relationship analysis..

MEN WRITTEN BY ANA HUANG ARE GONNA BE THE DEATH OF ME. Alright back to our original programmed schedule with Hozier. ALSO SURPRISE! THIS CONTAINS 3 HOZIER SONGS as an apology for not posting these past two weeks due to me enjoying holidays, reading, prom dress picking and wanting to stab myself because of life, there's the added bonus 👀

My CoD Masterlist

My Simon Riley x You Playlist

Also reader in this one had a lot of characterization, she's me fr, so AFAB?Reader, Fem!Reader, Short!Reader, Reader is VERY feminine with fashion, soft-girl-sunshine!Reader and Chubby?Reader. Y'all have no idea how hard it is to write without a personality and physical intimacy in romance, I tried but failed 😭

Warnings and Disclaimers: Mentions and details on sexual content ahead (is this considered smut? Idk anymore). Not detailed smut but vivid memories of sexual intercourse (especially the dialogue) with Simon. Again, this is a safe account for all ages because I'm not a MDNI acc, you are responsible for your own media consumption. DO NOT GO ON MY DMS, INBOX OR REPLY TO MY CONTENT TO TELL ME YOUR AGE. I don't need to know that and let's strive to not make each other uncomfortable. Mentions of questioning of religion or rather belief on afterlife??

Pink, bold and italic: Lyrics

Italic: recalling past events

Little snippet of an image of how I imagined he'd hold you, courtesy of the one and only @ave661

"It can't be said I'm an early bird, it's 10 o'clock before I say a word. Baby, I can never tell, how do you sleep so well?"

Simon Riley was never a man to live the life he was taught to in the military, it was out of habit for him to not leave his room until around noon. Then there was you, his roommate, he didn't exactly calculate how much it would affect his personal life to save money through rent by willingly letting someone within the same living space.

He'd find himself with not even a wink of sleep, hearing your footsteps through the thin walls, hearing the lock on the windows outside click open.

"You kept telling me to live right, to go to bed before the daylight. But then you wake up from the sunrise."

He'd always hear you, quite frankly it was like nagging on the constant.

"Simon you shouldn't do that, you'll hurt yourself"

"Simon please go get some rest"

"Simon.."

He'd swear he'd rip his own ears out every time his name falls from your lips from how sweet and chirpy it sounded and yet deafening silence would consume him whenever you aren't around.

"You don't gotta pretended, Baby, now and then. Don't you just wanna wake up dark as a lake? Smellin' lika bonfire, lost in the haze?"

Something about you makes it so tempting for Simon to give in, I mean it would be a one time thing, wouldn't it? So soft, so pliant, he set himself up for an addiction. It wasn't healthy, he knew this, he'd convince himself of the fact that he would end up hurting you.

Just too different, it repeated like a mantra in his head. He was bitter, brooding and didn't find any sense of pleasure in living. Why'd you think he has the job he chose? It's all he knew, till you skip your way into his life, giving him the sweetness he was deprived of.

"If you're drunk on life babe, I think it's great. But while in this world, I think I'll take my whiskey neat"

Drowning himself in alcohol, a trait Simon promised himself he wouldn't ever do when he was young, setting his glass down with a small thud from the wooden table. But what would the kid version of him know about life. He didn't have healthier options of coping with what seems to be his dilemma.

But then there you were, sweet little thing coming home at the late hour in that skimpy dress of yours. Revealing too much to the eyes of those who wish to have you for themselves with just one look. Where did you go that night?

"My coffee black in my bed at three, you're too sweet for me"

Desperately trying to keep himself awake and at bay from his thoughts of you. Drowning himself in now two cups of straight black coffee to help him focus.

It was odd, you got used to the scent, was strong with a lack of sweetness but it calmed you down knowing he was around.

How he'd corrupt you, he wanted to shatter that rose tinted glasses of yours to save you from himself because being with him would change you. Selfish but he doesn't want that, you were utter perfection..

Simon further delved into his feelings, what the fuck was wrong with him?

"I aim low. I aim true, and the ground's where I go. I work late where I'm free from the phone and the job gets done"

Grumbling, Simon walks back into the apartment in the middle of the night. You heard a thud, you come out of your bedroom, yawing from you incomplete sleep.

"Si..? Are you hurt? What happened?" You asked in a soft tone, careful not to agitate someone would could possibly be pissed off.

Simon stays silent, glaring at you as his eyes was only thing visible because of his balaclava. Your soft gaze intimidated him, because why would he feel that squeeze in his heart?

"But you worry some, I know but who wants to live forever, babe? You treat your mouth as if it's Heaven's gate. The rest of you like you're the TSA, I wish I could go along Babe, don't get me wrong..."

The only thing Simon heard was a sigh from you and nothing more, you walk up to him, each footstep feeling louder than that last.

Something Simon didn't expect you to do was wrap you arms around his waist, tiny thing you are that your head only goes up to his chest. Your body against his, basking in the warmth in contrast to the cold weather he had to deal with coming home.

"You know you're bright as the morning, as soft as the rain, pretty as a vine, as sweet as a grape. If you can sit in a barrel maybe I'll wait, until that day.."

You took care of him that night, to his reluctance and stubbornness. Despite refusing, he had no choice, he wouldn't want a soft thing like you on his ear the whole night till he agrees. You were persuasive in your own irritating way.

Sitting on the edge of the tub of the warm bath he's in, washcloth in hand. Touch was so gentle, why was it so soft? Why's it so warm? "It's the water you fucking idiot" his subconscious screaming at him. In denial.

Why is his heart beating so fast..? He wants to stab it to stop the feeling..

"I'd rather take my whiskey neat, my coffee black and my bed at three. You're too sweet for me"

Using both your hands this time around, one gently holding his chin with your fingers while the other wiping away at the eyeblack he had. Every scar on his face felt the graze of your finger.

The slow blinks, your eyes on his. Before any conscious thoughts consume Simon, he lifts his arms from the warm water and wraps them around you.

Your nightgown was now damp but you couldn't care less, now with the man you were pinning over, foreheads against the other.

"Si.." you softly whisper. That nickname will be the death of him, you'll be the death of him. He crashes his lips on yours, not wanting to let go till you both were panting. You were too fucking sweet, your lips, your skin, everything. He wanted a taste and he got it...

"My lover's got humor, she's the giggle at a funeral. Knows everybody's disapproval, I should've worshiped her sooner"

Another sleepless night wasn't uncommon for someone like Simon.. however this aching feeling wasn't, he doesn't know where it's from or what it's about. Not until he heard you in the kitchen, letting out a giggle even though you knew better.

"If the Heavens ever did speak, She's the last true mouthpiece. Every Sunday's getting more bleak. A fresh poison each week "We were born sick"

That sweet fucking voice, like the angels speaking to him themselves. "Oh- I'm sorry Si, did I wake you up?" You asked, turning around to the sound of his footsteps.

That tiny nightdress of yours, a reminder of the night you spent together, that morning you slept in his bed.

Lashes beautifully displayed on the delicate skin of your under eyes. Soft noises while your chest was peacefully moving up and down with every breath.

"She tells me, "Worship in the bedroom". The only Heaven I'll be sent to, is when I'm alone with you I was born sick, but I love it Command me to be well. A, Amen, Amen, Amen"

"Simon.. Ahh~" you moan out softly, your body writhing underneath him. It felt hot, sweaty despite the well ventilated room, so intimate from something that was supposed to be the farthest thing from domestic.

"Shhh, you can take it sunshine.. You don't want the neighbors to hear us, do you?" Simon whispers, callous hand covering your mouth with as little pressure possible, you whimper at his words.

Closing your eyes to lose yourself in the pleasure you've never felt before. Your body being worshiped with gentle hands and soft kisses that leave marks by the very same man who kept distancing himself from you, now he'd stop at nothing for your pleasure.

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life."

"Simon.. no more–" you whined. Scratching his back hard enough to leave marks without being aware, he'd always imagine what those pretty pink nails could do to him.

"Just one more, please sunshine.. you remember our safe word right?" Simon asks for you to nod softly, you didn't have energy to take anymore. "I told you I'll make you feel good, didn't I? So be a good girl for me and take it, hmm?"

Your eyes roll back at his praise, your legs shake with one after another wave of pleasure running through your body. This man was starved.. insatiable.. who would be able to resist such a request? Not you.

"If I'm a pagan of the good times, my lover's the sunlight to keep the Goddess on my side. She demands a sacrifice, drain the whole sea, get something shiny"

It took everything in Simon not to worship the ground you walked on that night, he wasn't trying very hard, was he? Because always.. at the end of the night, you're in his bed, his mind, his life.

Was it really a sin? To want something you don't deserve? Simon stayed up that whole night, not a wink of sleep while thinking of whether this arrangement should continue. Every bone and organ in his body telling him to be selfish, take what was something that wasn't his to take.

"Something meaty for the main course, that's a fine looking high horse. What you got in the stable? We've a lot of starving faithful that looks tasty, that looks plenty, this is hungry work"

Simon's gaze, never faltering on your sleeping figure that he refuses to go anywhere but his own arms. He tries to close his eye to compose himself, free himself from the emotions you emit from him.

His efforts were to no use, all he saw was the image of you, sweetly smiling, those doe eye staring right through his soul.

"No masters or kings when the ritual begins. There is no sweeter innocence than our gentle sin In the madness, in the soil of that sad earthly scene. Only then I am human, only then I am clean"

You were getting too close for your own good, Simon knew that, he'll be damned if he let's himself hurt you. So he does what any stupid man would do, avoid you like the plague. Did it mean nothing? Were you just some fling, never to be talked about again?

Fuck you Simon Riley, he made you feel loved in bed like no man ever has or ever will, completely ruining your chance of ever thinking of anything else and that was just a hook-up session? Maybe this one time you can let yourself be delusional, was there really something more? Only one way to find out.

"Oh, oh, Amen, Amen, Amen, Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life"

You caught him, fucking finally, after days of waiting and trying to get him at the perfect time. "Si.." you whispered softly, you didn't know where to start. He took a quick glance at you before looking back at what he was doing.

"Simon Riley, don't fucking ignore me. Not after everything that happened those nights" You said, it was stern but he needed to hear it. It made him stop, think about what had happened.

Before he could generate a response, "Why?" You asked. It was a vague question, why was he ignoring you? Why does he feel this way? Why does he love you yet refuse to act on it?

"Take me to church, I'll worship like a dog at the shrine of your lies. I'll tell you my sins and you can sharpen your knife, offer me that deathless death. Good God, let me give you my life.."

"You don't deserve a man like me, you deserve one who is like you, optimistic, sweet, fucking beautiful and alive.. A man who's not damaged, scarred, has blood on his hands and haunted by his past. A man who's not afraid to show his love for you. A man who won't put his burdens on your shoulders and a man who will take care of you instead of the other way around. That's what you deserve and I can't give that"

Everything felt like it came to a stop, were you hearing that right?

"You have no idea how much you contradict yourself, Si. How are you so sure that you haven't given those things to me already? You might not be like me but "like me" isn't what I want.. I want you, every flaw, every beautiful scar. Not once before your silent treatment have you hurt me, it's frustrating yes, but you are worthy of that. Every struggle, frustration and mistake, every bit of your love is worth all of that. I want you to see that Si, your actual true worth rather than what some psychotic fucker decided to torture you with"

"Boys, workin' on empty. Is that the kinda way to face the burning heat? I just think about my baby, I'm so full of love I could barely eat"

"Si?"

"Yes, Sunshine?"

"I love you" You whispered after smothering him in a plethora of kisses. Never has anything made Simon melt more in his life than his wife say that. Doesn't matter how long it's been, how much the both of you have been through or how much frustration the both of you were going through..

It will always stay the same, the feeling those three words give him, like the first time, every moment feels that way. Familiar, finally.. Home.

"There's nothing sweeter than my baby I'd never want once from the cherry tree. 'Cause my baby's sweet as can be, she give me toothaches just from kissin' me"

He always thought about how unfaithfulness was such a struggle between some people, he thought about how good he has it constantly, reflecting back on what he used to have to how now this is something he never thought he'd have or deserve.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her"

When a man finds himself in the verge of embracing death's arms, what causes the struggle? What causes him to fight that pain, to keep on going? Not once has this crossed Ghost's mind.

No. He's not Ghost, he's Simon. Your Simon.

And you're expecting your Simon home, fuck everything else, he'll give the biggest "fuck you" to death itself and crawl home to you because he'll be damned and he'll experience everything he has in his life over and over again just to hold you again.

"Boys, when my baby found me I was three days on a drunken sin, I woke with her walls around me. Nothin' in her room but an empty crib and I was burnin' up a fever I didn't care much how long I lived, but I swear I thought I dreamed her. She never asked me once about the wrong I did."

It should matter, the amount of blood on his hands. Not once did you judge him for it, what the fuck was wrong with you? Giving a monster such as him a bath like he was some innocent stray kitten, although this time around it was far more messy. The dried blood caked underneath his finger nails.

Flashing him a tired smile while you wiped off the blood that made the water in the tub a hue of brownish-red. Taking your hand in his, his lips brushing against your knuckles. The way you looked at him was enough to make him cry.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down, I'll crawl home to her"

"Fucking get up" Simon repeats to himself, "She needs you, she loves you" despite how many times he's convinced himself you didn't due to the voice of his father in his head, it felt like a knife twisting in his heart imagining how it would be for you without him.

How much you cried the night he came home a day later, you told him yourself, practically sobbing while clutching your aching chest and him with your other arm how you weren't ready for Price to show up at your doorsteps holding Simon's belongings.

He won't let that happen.. he can't...

"My babe would never fret none, about what my hands and my body done. If the Lord don't forgive me, I'd still have my baby and my babe would have me"

Simon knew it, no one would ever love him like you do. No one would show him the same acceptance, devotion, care, concern and love. It wasn't healthy to be so attached dependently to someone in love.

He couldn't help it, it felt so right, everything with you did. Never a judgmental one, at least towards him. Always first to hold him, the first to ever take away the heavy guilt that weighed his heart and shoulders down after he'd done something he knows he'll go to hell for, if it's even real

"When I was kissing on my baby and she put her love down soft and sweet In the low lamplight I was free. Heaven and hell were words to me"

Every inch was kissed, not a part wasn't worshiped. "So fuckin' beautiful, so sweet. All for me, hmm?" Simon mumbled against your skin, suckling on the soft sweetness that he so claims. All hickeys, no bruises.

Fuck, he'd not just survive but thrive on just you. No other sustenance, your supple thighs he adores to cover in purple, your neck, your lips and your skin that he often compares to sugar syrup in his head.

"When my time comes around, lay me gently in the cold, dark earth. No grave can hold my body down I'll crawl home to her"

The question was, was it worth it to live an eternity of lifetimes filled with suffer to be with you in at least once? The only answer to ever graze Simon Riley's lips was the word "yes", the day that changes is the day that he'd be the biggest bull-shiter the world has ever known.

Simon opened the door to your shared home, "Daddy!" A loud squeal wakes him up from his dread of what he's seen on the field.

"How's my little sunshine been? 'Ave you been good to your momma while I was gone?" Simon asked, carrying the little girl in his arms.

"Yes! Momma said we'd go to the park tomorrow as a reward for me helping out!" Little one saying it so proudly, Simon couldn't help but smile, beaming with pride as his little girl grows up to be what he recognizes as a good person.

"Simon..? You're finally home, I missed you so much" You said, peeking out the laundry room. You walked out, quick to give him a peck on the lips.

"I love you Si.."

"I love you too Sunshine"

Also this is a very long fic.. I expect long feedback.. @connorsui 👀

Does this make sense? Idk anymore it's like almost midnight and I'm running on a few hours of sleep. GOD MY PROM DRESS LOOKS SO GOOD, I CAN'T WAIT.

Taglist: @wishesforyou @puff0o0 @simping4konig @simp4konig @blingblong55 @azereus @rustic-guitar-notes @shadofireshinobi @thelightdjinnofpalestine @09maruchan @anonymuslydumb @skeletalgoats @icarustypicalfall @ghosts-cyphera @fawnchives @connorsui @capuccino192 @miss-gms-and-the-rotten-womb @celestialhole @the-second-sage @starryylies @everlastingmoonlightsworld @keiva1000 @iexiam @drewsmusee @konigceo

Trying out new dividers as well by @anitalenia

[baby-tini]

I know your requests are closed and I'm so sorry if I'm bothering you bit I'm not feeling the best mentally right and your writing is a big comfort for me. Again if you don't want too I understand, but could you write Dazai with a suicidal/depressed reader, he's a really big comfort to me, thank you!!!

Don't worry baby, you're not bothering me, and I'm so honored you feel comfortable enough too ask for something like this. My inbox and DMs are always open if you or anyone wants too talk, I'm so sorry you're feeling this way love, I completely understand, and I really do hope that you feel better soon.

TW- Suicidal Ideation, Mention of Self-Harm, Depressive Episode

-He knew. He knew when you woke up that morning not as affectionate or loving. He knew, when the past couple of days seemed extremely hard for you too get out of bed. He knew when he looked in your eyes and he saw the same yearning for death that stared back at him in his reflection.

-You didn't have too tell him, but when he asked you if you were okay and you just broke in his arms, he knew. He called out of work that day, not even letting Kunikida get a word in as he hung up the call and laid you down in bed, where he proceeded too spend hours with you.

-He wouldn't make you talk about it, he'd ask if you wanted too talk, and he'd listen to everything that you said, wiping your tears away as he pushed the wet sticky strands of hair that were glued to your cheeks behind your ear.

-If you did wanna talk about how you're feeling and how everything just felt so meaningless, like you were doing so much for nothing. He'd listen, he'd listen to every word that left your lips as he nodded and would give his imput or ask a question every so often.

-If you didn't wanna talk about it, he'd understand, he doesn't really talk about his feelings either so he'll just let you lay on him and cry into his chest as much as you need. Softly running his hands through your hair as he pressed soft kisses to the crown of your head.

-He'd keep an eye on you for a while. A couple months if he had too, even if he could tell that you were happy and were no longer having those thoughts and feelings. He can't afford too lose you, you're everything to him. So even if he has too stop going to work for a while, he will. If he needs too take days off work for you and comfort you, he will, if being around him makes you happy, just ask, he doesn't really care that much for paperwork anyway, he'll just ask Atsushi and he really could careless for the consequences. There's a lot of people at the ADA, other people could work cases. You need him and that's all that matters.

-He understands the ugliness of depression, so he understands how you feel, maybe not completely but he can relate quite heavily to the topic, so if you need him too wash your hair as you sit in the bathtub, he will. If you haven't eaten, he'll order something for you, if you're not hungry, he understands but you'll have too eat even if it's a little bit. Just a couple bites and he'll be satisfied.

-If you're someone who likes too, or prefers too be left alone, he understands, because he's the same way. He'll let you be, but he won't leave you alone, he's not comfortable with that. He'll check on you quite a lot, even if it's just an, "are you okay" or a, "do you need anything" that he asks through the door. He's satisfied because he knows you're alive and he can hear you.

-He doesn't mind when the room gets dirty, if you don't have the will too do laundry or too even get up too brush your teeth, he gets it. Especially if he's also in a similar headspace at the time and he doesn't have the mental strength too get up and clean. It'll be dealt with when you both feel better, that's the last thing on his mind as he lays with you in bed, in the quiet room enjoying your soft breath against his neck as he feels your chest rise and fall.

-If you're someone who self-harms and you partake in self-destructive behavior, he'll be more on you. He will not leave your side. He will take everything that could hurt you and he'll hide it. Now, he knows you're an adult and you're capable of making your own decisions, but he can't take any chances, one wrong... move and you could kill yourself, and like I said, he can't take any chances.

-If you take any medications, he'll be the one too give them to you, he doesn't want too make you feel like a child but he understands that when people are in that head-space, they make bad decisions and they're desperate for even the smallest bit of mental release so they'll make themselves feel physical pain, but he can't let you do that.

-If you become actively suicidal and try too attempt on your own life, he will hold you hostage of sorts. He won't tie you up or anything, but he will keep you with him at all points of the day, he'd go days without sleep just too watch you and make sure you're safe. You are no longer allowed too be on your own, he doesn't want you too feel worse by making you think he doesn't trust you, because all he wants is too make sure you're safe. You can cuss and yell at him- even hit him if you need too, but he can't and he won't take those chances.. not with you he won't- he can't.

[ashlynlovestlou]

Hey lynnie!! I was wondering if you could maybe right a fic about reader that does sh and relapses and gets comforted by abby??

hi ml!! of course i can, i hope this is okay

cw: self harm , explicit details about cuts , comfort! abby , use of pet names , reader has she/her pronouns

a/n: DO NOT READ IF THIS TRIGGERS YOU. this is an extremely touchy subject, and i sincerely apologize if this is offensive or insensitive. if you need help or someone to talk to, my dms or inbox are always open, and there's a list of helplines tagged below.

masterlist

it was pure mistake. the urges usually weren't that strong, and you usually knew better than to give in to them. but after a rough morning, you felt helpless.

usually it wasn't that bad. they were always surface scratches, fading away quick enough so that nobody noticed them.

and of course abby knew. she noticed them one day while you were at her apartment, doing the dishes after baking with her. it was over the holidays and it was cold outside, so naturally you were wearing long sleeves. while you were doing the dishes she found it odd that you didn't roll your sleeves up. your clothes were turning dark from the dampness of the sink water, and it bothered abby.

"why don't you roll your sleeves up, baby?" she asks with a small chuckle, dropping a dirty mixing bowl into the sink.

you had laughed nervously, "cause it's cold in here."

"aw." she said as she pressed a kiss to your temple. her hands had been dangerously close to your sleeves, "want me to turn the thermostat up?"

but before you could respond, she was rolling your sleeves up for you. everything stopped when she saw the cuts on your arms. breaths were held. hearts didn't beat. eyes didn't blink.

after that she spent an hour talking to you about it, asking you questions while she tended to your wounds. you had never seen your poor girlfriend so upset and so worried about you.

she made you vow never to do it again. which you thought was going to be easy.

until today.

now your arms were so red there was blood dripping down to your elbows. your body shook and shook and shook. like you did it when you weren't thinking clearly, and now it was suddenly hitting you that you went overboard. so overboard, in fact, that the sight made you sick to your stomach.

your skin was red and swollen, and the tips of your fingers were tingling. the fresh cuts had overlapped the old ones, blood tricking all around your wrists and elbowsz

your first instinct wasn't to wash off the blood or bandage it up, but to call abby.

after three rings she answered, "hey, baby. i'm at work, can i call you back on my break?"

just the sound of her voice put tears in your eyes. you knew she was going to be upset.

"i need you." you manage to choke out, your voice breaking as a hiccup escapes your lips.

"whats wrong, sweetheart?" she asks, and you can hear the faint clicking of a keyboard on the other side of the line. she's working on her computer, typing away as she's blissfully unaware what her girlfriend had done to herself.

"i relapsed."

the words make her breath catch in her throat. all of the noises stop, a sharp inhale being heard. abby herself felt like crying, because it hurt to know her love had cut herself again.

"okay... it's okay. don't panic and don't move, alright? i'll be there as fast as i can." she says in one breath before hanging up.

within ten minutes abby was at your front door, fishing out the key you gave her a few months into dating. she let herself in, seeing you on the couch, completely still. you hadn't moved, just like she asked.

she sinks to her knees in front of you, her gaze never once leaving your eyes. you'd grown to appreciate when she would do that, as if your scars weren't the only thing that she sees. but when her gaze finally did fall to your arms, the mere sight made her heart drop to her stomach.

"oh, honey... oh, baby..." she says quietly. she didn't expect it to be this bad. maybe a few surface scratches at best. not one this significantly deep, "why didn't you call me?"

"i-i did."

"i mean when you got the urge." she says, taking your hands into her own and rubbing your palms, "call me before, not after. okay?"

you nod your head, fighting back tears as she takes out a wipe from her work bag, trying to clean up the cuts the best she can.

abby is the most tender human being youve ever met. she's gentle and knows what to do when things like this happen. often times she has to remind herself not to panic to worsen the situation, but seeing you in such a state like this makes her heart shatter in her chest.

once she's all done she cuddled up real close with you, wrapping your arms in a bandage and peppering kisses all over your face. she'll take the next few days off of work to stay with you, afraid it'll happen again if she were to leave you by yourself. once you're calmed down enough, she'll go around your apartment, confiscating anything she thinks you could hurt yourself with. but you didn't mind. even when the urges were there, so was abby.

.

.

.

SELF HARM HELPLINES:

united states: (800-366-8288)

united kingdom: (0300-123-3393)

south africa: (0800-567-567)

new zealand: (0800-611-116)

ireland: (1-800-247-247)

australia: (1-800-022-222)

canada: (1-800-668-6868)

india: (915-298-7821)

[24-7-testing]

The end of the year can be tough for a lot of people. My goal? To make it a little bit brighter. That's why I'm pleased to once again announce the return of...

The Portal Holiday Spirit Initiative!

To help bring a smile to people's faces this year, I will be sending FREE Portal-Themed Holiday Cards to anyone who asks for one! There are a few changes to the cards this year because life has gotten very busy for me and I have less free time than in years past.

This year there will only be one card design, featuring artwork from one of the Portal Fandom's awesome artists! The cards will still be customizable to any Winter Holiday of your choosing, but you'll have to wait for your card to arrive in order to see how (the method takes cues from the Portal game's sense of humor, so it will very much be on-brand).

This year is also special because it is PHSI's 5th Anniversary! I can’t express the amount of thanks everyone who has participated over the years, whether you've reblogged and shared, requested cards, helped with artwork, or helped in other ways. You all deserve my recognition and thanks for volunteering your time, talents, and support! Thanks for helping to make PHSI a special fandom tradition!

If you would like to receive a Portal-Themed Holiday Card:

Visit bit.ly/PHSI-2023 ...

Answer the questions in the forms...

Wait for your card to be sent!

It's that easy! Card Requests are now open, and close on December 20th in order to give me enough time to make and send all the cards before the end of the year. Please submit sooner rather than later so I have time to finish them all!

Also, please don’t be afraid to request a physical card if you don’t live in the US! The card service I've chosen says they ship worldwide and, while it might take a bit longer for you to receive your card depending on what country you live in, the cards will get mailed to whatever address you provide, domestic or foreign. Last year I mailed/emailed a total of 164 cards to Italy, Canada, Germany, England, Poland, The US, The United Kingdom, Brazil, India, and Slovenia!

I’m happy to be a part of the Portal Fandom and hope to bring a smile to others in the Fandom this year! Making and emailing Holiday Cards takes time and effort, and sending physical cards is expensive. While it isn't a requirement to receive a card, I would greatly appreciate if you'd like to give $4 to cover the cost of your card or someone else's. Please visit ko-fi.com/247testing and click the Donate button if you want to help out. 

Also, feel free to DM me with any questions or comments. Thanks!

Answers for common questions and concerns under the cut:

Worried about providing a mailing address, for whatever reason?

PHSI has an eCard option! All you need to provide is a name for me to call you by and an email address to receive your card!

Worried about requesting a card because you don’t live in the US?

PHSI mails to any address provided, whether domestic or foreign! However, please wait patiently for your card, due to the current global rate of shipping.

Worried that you can’t give $4 to cover the cost of your card or someone else’s?

Requesting a card from PHSI has been and will always be FREE! However, giving $4 to the initiative helps me pay for the printing service and postage to mail physical cards (visit ko-fi.com/247testing if you’d like to contribute). I gratefully appreciate any contributions received, even if it’s just a comment saying thanks!

Worried because you don’t know how to support the artist of the card you received?

The artist’s social media is listed on the back of every card featuring their artwork. Look them up, commission them, reblog their art, and support them however you can!

Worried because you haven’t received your card yet?

Double check your email inbox and junk folders. I send everyone an email that either confirms your Holiday Card has shipped or includes your eCard! Physical cards take 1-2 weeks to arrive. If your physical card fails to show up after the first week of January, please reach out to me and I’ll send you a replacement eCard!

Worried because you received your card and don’t know what to do now?

Make a post about it! Include pictures, videos, or anything you’d like, and tag me in the post (@24-7-testing) so I can reblog it! If you don’t want to show your card off, that’s ok too!

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

hii everyone 💕 as you might have noticed i’ve been a lot quieter than usual on tumblr lately, but rest assured i’m still very much here! life has just been a lot the last little while, and i’ve been struggling with some very challenging family issues that have been taking up a lot of time and energy (and also causing my mental health and chronic pain symptoms to be the worst they’ve been in a very long time 🤦🏻‍♀️ ).

i know i’m SUPER behind with getting through my inbox and dms right now, and just wanted to say that if you’ve sent me anything please know how much i appreciate it - i absolutely cherish the friendships i’ve made here, and whenever someone drops a random question into my inbox it always makes my day! 🥰 so yeah, i promise i haven’t forgotten you - i just haven’t had the energy to deal with anything (real life or fandom wise) lately. i’m going to be slowly working my way through things now that i’m doing slightly better, but please forgive me if it still takes a little while for me to get to you!

i am, as always, eternally grateful to everyone who makes this little corner of the internet the wonderful escape it is 🫶 even when i don’t have the energy to interact with anything, being able to come on here and see our fave boys and all of your wonderful fanart/fics/gifsets and hilarious or insightful tags is truly such a joy 💖

finally, i just wanted to say that although things have been a little up and down on the creative front, the next chapter of four walls and my big bang fic are very much still in the works - so keep your eyes open for both those soooon!

sending hugs and kisses and all the best vibes to all you lovely people reading this 😘💗✨💖

[joshsindigostreak]

I See Hell in Your Eyes

Chapter Nine

“Your pretty face and electric soul.”

Vampire!Josh x Vampire!Reader

Authors Note: Good morning, readers! Sorry for putting yall through the wringer in Chapter Eight. It will happen again, but not in this chapter! This one is a lot sweeter. If you haven’t read Chapter Eight yet I highly suggest you do so because this chapter won’t make a lot of sense without it. Also as always my inbox and DMs are always open so if you want to come scream at me after a chapter feel free to do so! Every single one of y'alls comments and thoughts means the world to me and I love hearing what you think. 😘😘😘

Word Count: 7310

Warnings: Graphic descriptions of blood, allusions to violence, SMUT, 18+, minors DNI, blood play, teasing, brat taming if you squint, fang play(?), I think that’s it. :)

Sixteen hours. That's how long Josh had been asleep. The first two hours, you didn’t even move. You just held him as he slept, gently cleaning up any blood with a towel and running your fingers through his hair. Eventually, you shifted from behind him and got him properly tucked in. But you kept your promise, your eyes never left him for a second. After redressing you laid down next to him on the bed over the duvet. 

You were so focused on him that you didn’t even hear the door open, or notice Dimitri standing next to the bed. 

“How is our dear Joshua?”

Without looking up, you say,, “he’s fine.”

“How long has it been?”

“Sixteen hours.”

Dimitri hummed in response, “how long did it take for you to wake up?”

“Two nights.”

“Typically it's around the same amount of time for a Maker and their new Vampire,” he paused and said, “have you slept at all, darling?”

Ignoring his question you replied, “some people don’t wake up at all…”

“Oh that's very rare, and you know that-”

“Rare, but not impossible.” 

“I knew someone who took six nights to come back, and do you remember that Mary girl who lived with us during the twenties? She took over a week. It all just depends, darling.” 

“How long did you take?”

He looked off in the distance for a moment, “roughly three nights. Woke up in the basement of a church of all places.”

“I was in a carriage,” you said softly, the memories floating back to you, “in the middle of the day, no less. He was inside, sleeping.” For a moment, you were back in that carriage, terrified and unsure of where you were. You had made the mistake of pulling one of the curtains to the side to look out the window, only to be immediately met with searing pain on your hand from the sun. It was hours before your Maker came back to check on you. 

Dimitri shook his head, “Isaac wasn’t the most…thoughtful of Maker’s.”

You sat up on the bed, laughing a little, “that's putting it mildly.” 

“Have you heard from him at all?”

“Not since ‘84, and even that was too much.” 

Dimitri chuckled slightly before turning towards the door, “you should come downstairs, Portia and Magnus are finally back from their holiday. They’d love to see you.”

You shook your head and looked back at Josh, “no, I’m good…I’m staying up here.”

He smiled warmly, “I meant what I said last night, that you must mean a lot to him. Some people beg to be turned for other reasons, power, immortality, staying young forever, but he simply didn’t want to see you hurt. He didn’t even hesitate once he heard the terms. Love like that is rare.” 

The l-word caught you off guard and you sputtered, “I don’t know…I mean…we’ve barely even…it's kind of soon for that.”

“We’re Vampires, darling, since when do we care about time?” You were silent, trying to will the blush away from your skin. Before he left the room, he said, “if you need anything, just call for Phillip. He’ll bring you anything you need.” 

You resisted the urge to make a smartass comment about Phillip, “thank you, Dimitri.”

“Any time, darling,” he said before disappearing down the hall. 

Josh remained still in the bed, having not moved very much at all in the last few hours. You reached over and brushed his curls back again, and you weren’t sure if you were soothing Josh or soothing yourself. 

As the hours passed, you could not fight off sleep any longer, eventually letting it wash over you as you laid beside your lover. It wasn’t a restful sleep, in fact you found yourself waking up every other hour or so. Each time you’d sit up and check the time, noting how long it had been. You were still so full from the draining that you couldn’t even fathom feeding for at least a couple more days. Dimitri had checked in a few more times, sitting beside the bed to keep you company, but you turned down any invitation to come downstairs. You couldn’t risk it. You couldn’t miss him waking up, you were not going to chance Josh waking up frightened and alone. You wouldn’t let history repeat itself. 

~!~

Miles away, a now solitary hunter paced around his brother’s apartment. He had not felt ‘right’ in hours. Specifically, sixteen hours and five minutes. His Witch had tried to calm him down several times, but this was something she couldn’t fix. Not with her words, not with her love, and not with her magic.

~!~

It was the second night now, and you were dozing next to him. Movement next to you had you snapping your eyes open, and you saw Josh had rolled over on his side, facing you. His eyes were still closed, but his brows were knitted tightly together, and a frown was fixed on his face. 

You reached out, wanting to smooth your hand over his face, but his hand shot out from under the covers and snatched your wrist midair. The reflex was too fast, and his grip was too hard to be…human. Your entire body froze. 

Suddenly his eyes snapped open, his brown eyes staring at you, but not seeing you. You were flipped onto your back as he hovered over you, hand still gripping your wrist next to your head. He was still looking at you as if he didn’t recognize you. That was common after a Vampire wakes up, as the adjustment period was far longer than the movies and books would lead you to believe. 

“Boy Scout…,” you whispered slightly, hoping to jog his memory.

A low rumble came from his chest in response. That was another thing, it often took Vampires a little while to regain the ability to speak. 

Breathing heavily over you, his eyes raked down your form and his other hand reached towards your face. Those soft fingertips of his grazed your cheek, tracing your bone structure, your nose, and down your neck. His hand curled around your neck, his thumb slid across your jaw and landed on your lips, a familiar move he had done many times. 

You remained stock still, letting him explore. His eyes hadn’t met yours again, instead he was staring down at your lips while his thumb rubbed your bottom lip a few times. Taking a chance, you slightly puckered your lips to kiss the pad of his thumb. He blinked several times before finally looking up and into your eyes. There he was. His eyes softened immediately and he opened his mouth to speak but no sound came out. He tried again, but it wasn’t happening for now. 

“It’s ok…you don’t have to talk right now, Josh,” you whispered. 

Instead, he crashed his lips onto yours, and sank his body down to rest fully on top of you. The hand wrapped around your wrist let go and slid up to thread his fingers in yours, which you gladly squeezed back. Now it was your turn to reach up and cup his face, feeling his muscles move as he tilted his head to get a better angle. 

But the sweet moment was cut short by him wrenching away from your face in pain. He sat up and straddled your waist, hands covering his mouth as he groaned into his palms. His fangs. They were trying to come down but he didn’t know how to relax and let it happen. Contrary to how they’re depicted in various forms of media, fangs don’t just instantly ‘click’ down. It's a skill. A skill one has to learn and hone in order to be able to feed properly and efficiently. 

You carefully sat up and gently took his hands away from his face. His eyes looked scared again, and you quickly shushed him and softly spread your thumbs across his upper lip where his gums were. He winced a little at the sensitivity as his hands rested on your forearms. 

“It's your fangs trying to come out for the first time. You have to relax, Josh,” he looked at you skeptically, “they can’t come down until you relax. Breathe through your nose for me? Yeah?” 

He fully sat down on your thighs, and did what he was told and took deep breaths through his nose. His eyes were trained on you the entire time. He could feel his teeth begin to move, his canine teeth especially. It felt like an invisible force was prying them out of his mouth. 

“I know it hurts, it always does the first few times, but soon you won’t even feel it happening, I promise,” your thumbs moved to his cheeks, your right one resting where his dimple normally was. 

He nodded slightly and leaned into your hand, trying to stay relaxed. 

“Watch me, ok?” You opened your mouth, baring your teeth and took a few deep breaths and slowly let down your own fangs. After over 350 years, it was hard to slow down the process, as you could complete the action as fast as blinking at this point, but you tried your best so your hunter-turned-Vampire could see it for himself. He studied the movement as it happened, finally having a proper visual to mentally focus on. 

After a few more deep breaths, his teeth shifted again, this time down, but not all the way. A smile lit up your face as he parted his lips to show you, and you whispered praises to him as he continued breathing. With a slight groan, his teeth descended all the way, and you saw his fangs for the first time. 

You stared in awe. While you met him as a human, seeing fangs in his mouth looked so…natural on him, as if they had always been there. Unexpected tears formed in your eyes, as it really hit you that he was a Vampire now, he was like you, and the two of you were the same. 

“Beautiful…,” you mused while touching one with your thumb, “do you want to see them?”

He nodded, and you looked around to see if there was a mirror. The closest thing you had was your phone, and you quickly snatched it off the nightstand and turned the camera on, flipping it to selfie-mode and handing it to Josh. He turned the phone over in his hands and held it in front of his face. It was definitely strange to see protruding fangs in his mouth, but they didn’t feel out of place. He ran his tongue over them a few times, feeling how sharp they were, how much longer they were from his other teeth, and he turned his head back and forth to see them at different angles. Satisfied, he tossed your phone to the side on the bed before turning back to you and cupping your face once more to collide his lips to yours, this time smiling into the kiss. 

It had been so long since you’ve kissed a fellow Vampire, especially one you lov- had feelings for. Your tongue slid across his teeth, feeling the contours and length of his fangs, and it was your turn to smile against his lips. He laid you back down onto the bed, shifting his legs so that he was between yours. His lips were everywhere, kissing all over your face and playfully scraping the tips against your skin. 

But the urge to drive them into your neck, to fully taste you in a way he couldn’t when he was human, was reaching a boiling point in his system. He was putting more and more pressure against your neck, but not breaking the skin…yet.

You quickly recognized what he was doing, what he wanted, and you pushed him away so that he was back over your face instead. 

“As much…as much as I’d love for you to do that…your first feed has to be with human blood…,” you were almost sad in telling him no, but this was a process that wasn’t fully complete until he tasted human blood for himself. It was what fully sealed a Vampire in their new form of existence, the full stop at the end of a sentence. Sheepishly, he closed his lips over his teeth, feeling like he had done something wrong. You caught the look in his eyes and quickly reassured him, “no no, it's ok, we’ll have plenty of time to do that afterwards, I promise.” You figured Dimitri himself would have a human or two on hand for feeding, as he was never a fan of blood bags. 

As if on cue, the older Vampire in question rapped his knuckles on the door as he opened it.

“Is our dear-,” before he could finish his sentence Josh immediately shifted on the bed and practically shielded you from Dimitri, his instincts taking over briefly. Dimitri held up his hands in truce, “now now, Joshua I’m not going to do anything. It's wonderful to see you awake and back with us.” 

You sat up behind Josh, looking at Dimitri over his shoulder, “you wouldn’t happen to have a human on hand? Please?”

“About that…after we talked earlier I let the Council know about your decision and that you were handling it yourself. They insisted on sending a representative here to make sure it actually happened.” He sighed before continuing, “Judith…is downstairs in the conservatory waiting for you.”

“Right now? He still can’t talk! He needs to have his first feed.” 

“I know, darling, I didn't expect them to send her this quickly,” he rolled his eyes as he said ‘her’, letting you know that Judith was not one of his friends on the Council. “I’ll give you a few minutes, but it’ll be better for everyone if you don’t keep her waiting.” With a sympathetic look, he closed the door behind him, leaving the two of you alone. 

“I’m so sorry, Josh, I didn’t kn-,” he turned and pressed a finger to your lips and shook his head, shushing you and letting you know that he understood. He got off the bed and collected his clothes from earlier that you had folded and placed on the couch. He threw his shirt on as he walked towards the ensuite at the far end of the room. You had already dressed while you had waited for him to wake up, so you sat at the edge of the bed and let him get ready. As he walked to the ensuite, you couldn’t help but notice that his walk was slightly different. His shoulders were straighter, his strides were quieter but more deliberate. You wondered if he himself even noticed the changes yet. From the angle of where you were sitting, you could just barely see himself checking his teeth out in the mirror again. His fangs had retreated back into his gums, and now his top row of teeth looked completely normal. 

His eyes looked at you through the mirror, catching your gaze. He smirked at you, before turning to finish getting dressed. As he exited the ensuite he locked eyes with you again and in an attempt at his new speed, he tried to race over to you. However, stopping was a completely different story, and he ended up tackling you onto the bed. 

Giggling, you reached up and traced his nose with your finger, “don’t worry, you’ll get there, Boy Scout.” You lifted your head to kiss him, and whispered against his lips, “come on, let's get this over with.” 

It wasn’t hard to find the conservatory, all you had to do was follow the classical music being played. Just like the rest of the manor, Dimitri spared no expense in this room either. It was a massive space, with a complete wall of windows that went from the floor all the way into the ceiling, creating a dome-like appearance. It was a perfect view of the stars at night, and a perfectly lethal place for a Vampire to be in after sunrise. He also had so many plants in the room it almost looked like a small forest in the room. Most of the flowering plants had closed their blooms for the night, and the evergreens sat peacefully in their pots. The main source of light in the room were the various lanterns that were strategically placed among the greenery. It created such an intimate atmosphere, especially with the light of the Waning Moon filtering in from the windows above. 

The beauty of the room stopped when you spotted the Council member sitting rather stiffly on the couch towards the middle of the room. Judith, as Dimitri called her, was a Vampire who appeared to be in her late fifties, with blonde hair that was so faded it almost looked gray at certain angles. She had it in a tight ponytail, making her sharp cheekbones the main feature of her face. Her eyes were equally gray, and they narrowed at the sight of Josh. 

“Ah, finally, there they are,” she said in mock enthusiasm. 

“Judith please,” Dimitri said with a sigh while nursing a drink in his hand.

Josh’s hand slid into yours as you made your way to the center of the room. His expression was neutral, but you knew his mind was full of thoughts and words for the snotty Vampire in front of him. 

Judith uncrossed her ankles and stood up, clipboard firmly in the crook of her arm. She gave you a look that let you know to let her look at Josh alone, and you reluctantly let go of his hand and went over to stand next to Dimitri. Her back was to you now, but you were still able to maintain eye contact with Josh.  

“Open your mouth,” she commanded flatly. She wanted to see his fangs. 

Josh looked at you briefly over her shoulder, starting to panic because he had only made his fangs come down once at this point, and was still getting the hang of it. He put his hands behind his back and wrung his wrists, trying to remember what you had told him. 

You kept eye contact with him, and motioned for him to take some deep breaths and to relax. Dimitri nodded along next to you; he wanted Josh to succeed almost as much as you did. 

Josh’s Adams apple bobbed a little before he opened his mouth. He closed his eyes and took a few deep breaths, trying to replicate how he had done it upstairs less than an hour ago. Judith stood there, staring at his teeth with an unimpressed look on her face. But after a few tense minutes, his fangs descended and locked in place. 

Judith made a small “hmph” sound and reached into the pocket of her skirt to fish out a measuring tape. She held the tape next to one of his fangs, and wrote down the measurement on the clipboard. She switched to the other side to get the other’s measurement, before mumbling loud enough for everyone to hear, “it's ok they’ll get longer in time.” 

Josh clamped his mouth shut and gave her a look that was so pointed, you were glad he wasn’t able to actually speak. But the way his eyes glared at her spoke volumes on their own. 

Judith ignored him while she made notes on the clipboard, scribbling away her thoughts and observations. 

“Has he fed yet,” she said without looking up.

“Umm…no, not yet-”

“Excellent. Bring in one of your humans, Dimitris,” she commanded as she finished her notes and looked back up at Josh. 

Dimitri sighed and took a long sip of his drink before motioning to one of his staff to fetch one of his human companions. He always had a steady supply of willing humans who were into being fed on. He had a knack for finding them in the haystack that was humanity. 

Josh looked at you again over Judith’s shoulder, the same panicky look from before had returned on his face. 

You mouthed, it's going to be ok, at him as the door opened and a woman in her mid twenties entered the room. 

Her eyes lit up when she saw Dimitri, “hi Dimitri…,” she gave him a flirty wave with her fingers. 

“Pleasure as always, Rebeckah,” he said with a small smile. She already knew where to go and dutifully went over to the couch and sat down, keeping her eyes on Dimitri the whole time. 

Judith motioned for Josh to join Rebeckah, and made his way over to the couch and sat down. You started to follow him before she barked, “I’d like to witness this alone, actually.” 

Something in you snapped, “the fuck you wi-”

Dimitri quickly stepped in, “what she’s trying to say is, as his Maker, I think it’s more than fair for her to be in the room for his first feed? Since he doesn’t know what he’s doing, she has a right to be here. In fact it would be the responsible thing to do, don’t you agree?”

Judith rolled her eyes, “fine, but she can’t interfere. The Council wants to see how he does on his own.” 

The Council didn’t want to see shit, you thought, they wanted him to fail. They wanted the ‘I told you so.’ 

Dimitri’s large hand landed on your shoulder, giving you a comforting squeeze. 

“Very well,” he said in a clipped tone. 

You looked up at Dimitri, the worry written all over your face. He gave your shoulder another squeeze. 

Tentatively, Josh reached over and took Rebeckah’s wrist in his hand, figuring that would be the best place. He could feel her pulse through her arm, and it made his gums above his fangs throb. He felt is instincts trying to guide him, which was a good sign until-

“Oh not the wrist, it's your first feed after all, I know you really want the neck deep down,” she was practically taunting him at this point, and turned back to the older Vampire and used his own words against him, “don’t you agree, Dimitris?” 

Dimitri’s mouth twisted into a frown, “it is the ideal spot I suppose…”

You were practically vibrating with rage right now, and you wanted to physically rip Judith’s head off her body yourself. This wasn’t how it was supposed to go. You were supposed to be right there with him, guiding him through it and making sure he didn’t take too much. 

“Don’t be shy, get closer to her,” Judith said while flicking her wrist at Josh. 

Rebeckah obliged first and scooted close to him, angling her head to expose her neck. The smell of her blood filled his nostrils, and at first he thought he was hallucinating. He knew his senses would be stronger, but actually experiencing it was completely different. 

Judith had her back to you and Dimitri once again, and you used this to your advantage as you looked at Josh over her shoulder. You feigned scratching your neck to show him where to put his hand, which he immediately copied. 

He lowered his face to her neck, the scent of her blood was almost overwhelming to him now and it was still safely in her body. Part of him was running on pure instinct, and getting impatient that he hadn’t sunk his teeth into her yet, whereas the other part of him was having an out of body experience as the reality of the situation hit him. He was really about to drink blood, as a Vampire, for the first time. However, the instinctual side of him won out and he pressed his new fangs against her neck. He could feel her pulse against his teeth, and with the same ‘fuck it’ mentality one has before a shot of tequila, he pierced her flesh and her blood began flowing into his mouth. 

Rebeckah made a small squeak, but she relaxed in his hold and a serene smile spread across her face. 

Josh breathed through his nose and took his first real pull from her, and the sudden burst of flavor nearly had his eyes rolling back. He never expected blood to taste this good, let alone have a flavor profile. He recalled the taste of blood as he remembered it from his youth, that gross metallic flavor that would fill his mouth whenever he’d lose a tooth, or that one time Jake hit him in the mouth while they were fighting and cut his lip open. But now? Now he was getting notes of…lilies? Lavender maybe? It was all so overwhelming he wasn’t sure, he just knew that it was good. He kept pulling and pulling, feeling it run out of his mouth a little and down his chin. 

You on the other hand were watching him like a hawk, and listening to Rebeckah’s heartbeat even closer. It was still steady and normal, but you knew it wouldn’t be that way for much longer. The way Josh was pulling was very deep, but he didn’t understand that yet. If you hadn’t been so stressed about your lack of involvement, you would’ve noted how absolutely gorgeous he looked while feeding. He needed to slow down, if not stop completely. You thought back to your first feed, and it didn’t end well for the human involved because you had zero guidance. Isaac had just let you do what you wanted and cleaned up the mess later. But you didn’t want that for Josh, he didn’t deserve to be traumatized right out of the gate like that. 

He didn’t want this to end, part of him wanted to keep going until he couldn’t anymore. But this low thumping noise in his head got slower, and it was then he realized he had been hearing her heartbeat the entire time. It was slowing down, and he had just enough wherewithal to know he needed to let go. But knowing and doing were two different things. 

You were starting to panic, and you looked at Josh, hoping he’d look up just long enough to make eye contact with you. Judith started scribbling notes again, and you wanted to crack that entire clipboard over her head. You thought about faking a cough, making some sort of noise, but you didn’t want her to send you out of the room for ‘interfering.’ 

Josh wrenched his eyes open, and looked up to find you. He saw your eyes were watery and filled with panic, and he understood why. From your vantage point, you mouthed the words, “you need to let go,” to him, and he wanted to listen, he really did, but it was as if his mouth and his brain weren’t working together. But, he tried anyway, and loosened his grip on Rebeckah’s neck and slowly worked at dislodging his fangs from her neck. He fought the urge that was screaming at him to keep going, to drain her dry like a juice box, but he refused to let that voice win. With more force than he would’ve liked, he pulled his teeth from her neck, and let go of her completely. 

Before he could fully relax, he saw you point at your teeth, and then patted the side of your neck with those same fingers, silently telling him to use his blood to heal the bite. Josh sprung into action, quickly and hastily biting his index finger, breaking the skin and rubbing his own blood amongst her own on her neck along the puncture wounds. Within seconds they began to close and he was able to lean back on the couch, out of breath. 

Judith paused for a second in her scribbling, and looked at her watch on her wrist and wrote down the time. She observed Rebeckah for another minute, who seemed completely fine with the situation and was only slightly miffed she had blood on her dress. 

Dimitri gestured at the staff member standing by the door, “please take Miss Rebeckah to the kitchens to get her something to eat. Have the chef make her whatever she wants.” 

Rebeckah smiled and stood up from the couch, “and what about my dress?”

“I’ll get you a new one, as always,” this made her smile as she made her way out of the room. 

Without a second glance at Josh, Judith turned back to Dimitri and sighed, “I’ll give my observations to the Council but everything seems to be fine.” She looked at Josh over her shoulder, “welcome to your new life, don’t fuck up. We know who your family is, after all.” 

Josh glared at her as she exited the room. Dimitri gave you a nod and left as well, leaving the two of you alone. 

As soon as the door shut you rushed over to Josh, your hands immediately took his, as apologies fell from your mouth, “I’m so fucking sorry I didn’t know that was going to happen, you weren’t supposed to be alone like that-”

“...sw-sweetheart…,” his voice was so faint, but it was there. He was gaining his voice back. Relief flooded through you, you didn’t realize just how much you missed his voice until he spoke again. You couldn’t take it anymore and practically lept into his lap and wrapped your arms around him, burying your face in his neck. His arms instantly wrapped around your waist, pulling you closer. He was so thankful to finally get his hands on you. 

After spending several minutes just lying in his arms and breathing him in, you pulled back and said, “are you ok? How do you feel?”

A dreamy smile spread across his face, “honestly? I feel fucking incredible right now.” His voice was still scratchy, but it was gradually getting stronger.

You smiled back, “yeah? You did so good earlier, I want you to know that. They were setting you up to screw up but you didn’t. It's so difficult to stop like you did the first few times, let alone the first time. I’m so proud of you, Boy Scout.”

His cheeks reddened at the praise, “Ah, I just…I just remembered what you told me about listening for the heartbeat…had to force myself off though.” 

You were beaming at him now, “I’m not saying it's going to be easy, but I just know you’re going to be so good at it in no time. Next time I’ll be right there with you, I promise. I won’t let anyone get in the way of that again.”

His hands slipped under your shirt and rubbed the skin of your back, “I know you wanted to be there, it wasn’t your fault…” 

“But I-”

“I don’t want you to beat yourself up over this, it happened, but all we can do is move forward.”

You knew he was right, but you still felt bad, “I know I just-”

“Next time we can share, yeah?”

That surprised you, and you smirked at him, “Boy Scout…” 

He glanced out the wall of windows, and noticed the dark blue sky was starting to get lighter, “I think…I think we need to go back upstairs…and shut the windows…,” the suggestion dripped from his voice.

“Race you there?”

“You better get started, sweetheart…,” his eyes bore into yours before you took off from the conservatory. The two of you were a pair of giggling blurs rushing up the stairs to the third floor. He caught up to you at the door, and lurched to a halt while pressing you up against the solid wood. You reached behind you to start twisting the doorknob as he snaked an arm around your waist. His eyes looked even darker in the dim lighting of the corridor, but his smile was sweet, a combination that only he could pull off. 

Stumbling into the room, Josh locked the door behind him before reaching down and firmly gripping your thighs and wrapping them around his waist. He carried you backwards to the bed, while you stripped your shirt off and threw it blindly to the side. Your hands instantly returned to his cheeks as he laid you on the bed. He stood up momentarily to throw off his own shirt, before crawling up the bed and getting on top of you. The rest of your clothes were quickly shed, leaving the both of you naked. 

Josh’s mouth devoured yours, sucking on your bottom lip before he slipped his tongue inside and tangled it with your own. You moaned into his mouth, the relief of him being okay and back in your arms spurring you on. He groaned and lifted off your lips slightly, running his tongue along his top teeth. He looked at you, a little annoyed at his own body as his fangs tried to descend again. 

You recognized the look, and you smiled, “don’t fight it, Josh. Let them down, I wanna see them again…” 

He closed his eyes for a few seconds and concentrated. They came down ever so slightly faster this time, but he still winced at the pain. 

Staring at him, you reached up and gently touched one with your finger, “I just can’t get over how beautiful they look on you…” 

His cheeks reddened before he started working his way down your body, kissing every bit of skin he could reach. Every so often he’d drag his fangs across your skin, causing you to arch your back. As he made his way down to your core, he deliberately skipped where you needed him most to pay attention to your thighs. 

You sat up on your elbows and made a noise in protest, which made him chuckle against your skin. One of the few downsides (at least to him) to you being a supernatural creature was that any hickey’s he made would heal within minutes, but he loved littering your skin with them anyway. The way you arched towards him, trying to get him where you needed him only made him tease you further. Every time you thought he was going to put that perfect mouth of his against your core, he’d switch to the other thigh to nip and suck at your skin. 

“If you don’t-”

Before you could finish your sentence your lover latched onto your core, flattening out his tongue and licking a stripe from your entrance to just below your clit. A frustrated noise escaped you, and his eyes met yours with the most mischievous energy behind them. Those pools of molten molasses seemed to darken even more. Tilting his head slightly and curling his lip up to show you his teeth, he drug one of his new fangs over the edges of your lips, up and up, and slowly circled your clit. He put just enough pressure for you to feel the sharp edge against your sensitive flesh, before diving in and sharply sucking your clit into his mouth. You cried out, loud enough to echo around the room, and you couldn’t give a shit if anyone in this fortress of a house could hear you. 

Two of his fingers teased your entrance before plunging in, curling upwards and giving that spot inside you all the attention they could. His pace was quick and brutal, spurred on but the grip you had in in his hair and how you were practically fucking his mouth. He grinded his own need onto the mattress, desperate for some friction of his own. 

It wasn’t long before your first orgasm of the night washed over you, making you shake beneath him while grinding on his face. His fingers worked even harder to ride it out, drawing it out as long as possible for you. But he didn’t give you a chance to fully still. Placing one final kiss to your clit, he crawled up your body to claim your mouth, letting you taste yourself all over him. 

You were far from done when you flipped him over, straddling his hips and grinding against his cock. He threw his head back and made the sexiest whining sound you had heard in a long time. He sat up and gripped your ass, lifting you up to wrap your legs around his waist. 

“Tell me what you want…,” he whispered against your mouth while keeping you hovered just above his cock.

“Josh please-”

“Josh please, what, sweetheart?” 

“I need you, don’t be mean,” your voice was nearly an octave higher than normal, and now it was your turn to sound whiny. 

“...and what do you need?”

Your nails dug into the skin at the base of his neck, not caring if they broke skin a little now, he could handle it. 

“Your cock, Josh, I need your cock.”

His eyebrows raised in the cockiest manner, “oh? This? This cock?” Before you could answer he pulled you down onto him, plunging him deep inside as he bottomed out. His eyes rolled back at finally being inside you, and you used this distraction to tighten your pussy around him as revenge. A strangled noise left his throat, “you are…such…a little brat…” 

You smirked as you started to work yourself on his cock, relishing in every ridge and vein he had to offer you. He kept one arm around your ass, guiding you and gripping you as he leaned back on his other hand. As your pace quickened, you felt your own gums start to itch and move. You let your fangs descend, not wanting or needing to hold back anymore while with your lover. He was kissing your shoulder, and you leaned your head down to graze your teeth against the shell of his ear. 

He lifted his head, and gave you an equally toothy grin, both of you baring your fangs at each other. 

“Boy Scout…,” you started, nearly breathless, “remember earlier when I told you to wait?” He instantly caught on to what you were referring to, when he had almost bit you earlier. His Adam's apple bobbed as he nodded. “If I let you do that…can I bite you too?” 

His cock twitched inside you at the question, “please, please do…”

“Taste me, Josh, show me you know how,” you whispered. 

Another strangled sound escaped him before he lowered his head and pierced your neck with his fangs. It had been…a long time, decades even, since you had had a Vampire taste you. It was such an intimate act, most considered it almost sacred. 

Josh took a long pull off of you, and the first note that hit his tongue was a distinct cherry flavor, tart but sweet, along with a distinct undercurrent of sea salt. He could practically smell the ocean. Flashes and sounds started to flood his mind, swirling around in his mind's eye. They focused, and he saw you, as a teen in Jamestown, scrubbing the floors of the house you used to live in. A second flash, it's the Victorian era, and you’re giggling in bed with another man. You called him Colin before it dissipated. Another flash, it’s twenties and you look sad as you sipped your drink. You were surrounded by people partying, but you weren’t matching the energy. A final flash, this time it's the seventies and you look darling in your bell bottoms and feathered hair. You seemed happier then, laughing with a few girlfriends in a bar. 

The feeling of his fangs in your skin hurtled you toward your second orgasm. Before you could reach your high, you bit down on your lover's flesh. His taste…his taste was the same, but it was so much more vibrant? As if it had been turned up several notches. That orangey citrus flooded your senses, and as the vanilla showed itself to you, flashes started behind your eyes too. A small, scared, seven year old Josh scrambled to stab a rogue Vampire in the leg with a knife from under his bed. Another flash, this time Josh was older, late teens at best, getting lectured by his father about a hunting job gone wrong. The importance of his responsibility as the “oldest” was being drilled into his head. Flash number three, Josh is sitting next to his twin in front of a fire, laughing at some inside joke as he brings his beer to his lips. Who knew Jake Kiszka was capable of smiling? The final flash was him gathering some files on a table, the one on top had your name clearly on the tab. He wasn’t in his apartment, but in a room that looked like an office. 

Your vision went dark as your high overtook you, making you shake and pulse around him. His cock twitched inside you again, and a muffled groan shuddered against your skin letting you know he had reached his own high. Carefully, you each withdrew your teeth and lapped at the fresh blood on your skin as your wounds healed. 

Josh kissed you softly, mixing your blood with his, enjoying the taste. He opened his eyes and smiled at you, feeling more content and happy than he had in days. The stress from the past week had completely evaporated, and in this moment, all he saw, all he cared about, was you. 

His Vampire. 

The adoration for him was written all over your face, and you silently noted the blood smeared all over him. You looked over your shoulder at the ensuite, and could see the edge of a clawfoot tub from the doorway. 

“Lets get cleaned up, Boy Scout…”

His grin widened and he looked over your shoulder, seeing what you were looking at. He also saw the first light of the day start to filter in through the windows. Thankfully the bed was positioned in a way that didn’t put it anywhere near them, but in order to get the ensuite they’d have to cross them. Carefully he kept you in place as he reached for the remote on the nightstand. 

He punched the buttons, and the shades came down. His hand squeezed the flesh of your ass, “only the moon gets a free show, sweetheart…” 

You gave him a quick kiss before crawling off of him and leading him into the bathroom. Soon, the both of you were situated in the hot water, enjoying the extra wide clawfoot tub. 

Josh tried to take the lead in cleaning  up, but you stopped him and took it upon yourself to clean the blood off of his skin. He relaxed into the water as you swept the rag over his skin. Meticulously you cleaned any dry blood out of his beard and mustache, kissing him as you went. It had been a long time since someone had properly taken care of him afterwards. 

It was clear to you that the new-Vampire exhaustion was creeping up on your lover, and you worked a little faster to get him cleaned up so the two of you could return to bed. He would probably have another long sleep again, but not nearly as long as that first one. The process of becoming a Vampire was complete, but it still took time for the body to adjust.

Soon you were back in bed with him, the covers pulled over your exhausted bodies as you wrapped yourselves around each other. His ear was on your chest, and you were softly grazing your nails against his scalp. His eyes were closed, and sleep was well on its way. 

He pressed a soft kiss against your skin before mumbling, “...love you…” 

You stared at him as he completely stilled in your arms, eyes welling up, 

“Love you too, Boy Scout,” but you weren’t sure he heard it. 

To be continued…

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[something-tofightfor]

Fool's Gold 5: Shed My Skin And Breathe In The Colour

Pairing: Pirate Oberyn Martell x Female Reader (with a twist)

Rating: M for now - but that will change later. (This chapter includes Game of Thrones canon-typical violence, blood, fighting, etc.) It also contains what I'm going to call Smut Lite.

Word Count: 6,877

Summary: You and Daavos continue to grow closer, which is going to make the coming decision much more difficult for you to make.

And when your journey to Dorne takes an unexpected turn and you're forced to think on your feat, you learn a little more about yourself - and what you're capable of.

But that knowledge pales in comparison to something else you learn while on the Sand Snake.

Author's Note: This story has unfolded in a much different way than when I initially planned it ... but I'm really enjoying this journey. It picks up in this chapter, and from here on out, things take a much faster pace than the first half of the story did. Thank you all for your patience, I really appreciate it.

If you want to talk about this story (or any of my others) please feel free to pop into my inbox or DMs!

Chapter title comes from "Autumn" by Caligula's Horse.

Fool's Gold Masterlist

A hand sliding up over your side and then across your lower back woke you the following morning.

For a few seconds, you were confused, your body stiffening. But when you heard a voice saying your name followed by good morning, you relaxed. “Daavos.” Humming, you moved closer, keeping your eyes closed. “You’re still here.” 

“Of course I am.” He sighed, the sound content. “I said I wanted to see what you thought of waking up next to someone, and I meant it. Open your eyes.” 

You did as he asked, and were gifted with the sight of him: bed-rumpled hair, an easy smile, and thin shafts of light filtering in through the curtains that mostly covered the window.  There was no stopping your reaction, and you knew that he caught your sharp intake of breath and the widening of your eyes. You were certain that he felt the way you continued to move toward him until there were only inches separating you. 

“Do I even need to ask how you are feeling this morning?” His smile widened, Daavos’ gaze dropping to your lips. “Or should I let your body have the honor of telling me?” I wish. I wish we could do that. 

“If this is the only morning I get to wake beside you, Daavos, then I thank you for that.” You lifted your hand and tucked his hair behind one ear, following the curve of his skull and urging him closer. “Let me have one more thing to thank you for.” He laughed, but the sound was kind, and when your lips met, you felt true comfort. At least I’ll have this. At least I’ll know what this feels like. No matter what happens or where I end up. 

Daavos deepened the kiss, shifting his weight so that he could push you onto your back and hover over you, and for a few brief seconds, you let yourself imagine waking up to him each morning. You imagined enjoying the comfort and warmth of sharing a bed with him every night, and of knowing that not only was he kind, he was gentle, too. 

You moaned quietly when his tongue stroked along yours, and that seemed to encourage him. Daavos pulled his hand free from beneath your body and slid it up and over your side and stomach, pushing your shirt up with it to expose your chest. He backed away enough to meet your eyes, one of his brows lifted in question as he caught his breath. 

“Please don’t stop.” You didn’t recognize your own voice, but you meant the words, and without pause, he ducked his head again and resumed the kiss. But that time, Davaos went higher with his hand, his wide palm following his fingertips as he cupped one breast. You arched your back into his touch as he swallowed your sigh of pleasure. I shouldn’t have waited so long to let him touch me.

The kiss continued as Daavos dragged a thumb over your peaked nipple. When he broke it, taking a deep breath, you prepared yourself for him to back away completely. Instead of doing that, though, he moved down your body, pressing kisses to your jaw and neck and then the hollow of your throat. 

Nothing could have prepared you for his next destination. 

Daavos settled his lips against the top swell of your breast before parting them and sucking, the tip of his tongue moving over the skin he held. And when he released it, dropping his mouth the distance necessary to reach the nipple he’d been teasing, you gasped. 

That sound turned to a low whimper when he took it between his lips and tugged, the increased arch of your back keeping him close. Your hands did that, too - the fingers of one threaded through the curls on the back of his head, the other gripping his shoulder. It would have been easy to let him keep going, to urge him even lower on your body, or to encourage him to remove his shirt and then yours before pressing your chests together. But we can’t. And we shouldn’t. 

“Wait.” It was little more than a whisper, and after another hum of pleasure at the feeling of his tongue flicking against your chest, you tried again. “Daavos, you need to stop.” He raised his head immediately, the pupils of his eyes wide in the low light. “If you don’t now, I don’t know that I’ll be able to ask you to.” 

He frowned but nodded, closing his eyes. “You are right.” I know I am. I hate it. “Forgive me?”

“There’s nothing to forgive.” You tugged on his hair, bringing his attention back to you. “If circumstances were different, I …” I wouldn’t have told you to stop. “Come here.” He moved back up your body, using one hand to move your shirt back into place. Instead of laying next to you, Daavos used one arm to brace his weight and stared down at where you laid, the look in his eyes soft. “You were right.” 

“Hmm?” His lips lifted into a smirk, and Daavos waited for you to continue. Before you did, though, you raised your hand and touched his cheek, pleased at the fact that he leaned into your palm, his eyes locked with yours. 

“There is nothing like this, Daavos.” It was barely there but you saw it - the change in his features as he winced before lowering his head so that he could kiss you again, that one gentle. What was that about? It ended too soon, and he pulled back entirely before sitting up, putting both hands on the blankets to steady himself. 

It took a few seconds for you to register the motion of the ship, but when you realized that it was moving, you sat up too, heart pounding. 

“We left port.” He nodded. “When?” 

“At first light.” He wet his lips, and you looked down to see that he was spinning the ring on his finger slowly. “We’re in The Stepstones now. I hope -”

“I did say I’d go to Dorne with you.” But there I have to make a decision. “How long will it take?” 

“We will arrive tomorrow.” He took a breath. “Late morning, unless the winds change.” It hit you then that you had only 24 hours more with him - and on the ship. I’m not ready. I don’t … I don’t know that I can… “Hey. Wait, wait.” He reached out for you, taking both of your hands and squeezing. “What did I tell you the first day you were on board?”

“That I’m your responsibility.” He nodded. “And that you’d make sure I was safe.” 

“That will still be true in Dorne. You have my word.” You wanted to believe him. You wanted to believe that nothing would change once you were on land and he was reunited with his family. But I can’t. No matter what he says, until I see it for myself, I …  “Today, there is something you need to do.” What? “I have things to attend to with the crew. I want you to get something to eat, and then find Nymeria. She will help you pick something to wear that is going to be more appropriate in Dorne.” 

“Are you sure?” He nodded. “Can’t I just wear my -”

“You’ll be too warm. You’ll want something light and flowing. Comfortable.” He leaned in, reaching up to take your chin between his thumb and forefinger. “You have nothing to hide.” He didn’t let you look away as a reaction to his words, instead holding your gaze until you nodded. “I’ll be busy for much of the day today. But tonight …” He took a deep breath. “I’d like to have dinner and then stay with you again, if you’ll allow it.” Why wouldn’t I allow it? 

“Yes.” You agreed immediately. “One last night.” 

Daavos stood up and reached for his socks and boots, pulling them on before he tucked in his shirt and tightened the string on his pants. “Pick anything you want to wear. Open every chest on board if you need to.” You laughed at that, some of the tension breaking - and then with one final pause in the doorway and a look back over his shoulder at you, Daavos was gone, the door closing behind him. 

The silence was unnerving. Even though you wanted nothing more than to lay back and contemplate what had happened over the previous day, you knew that you couldn’t. Because if he told me to find Nymeria, she must be expecting me. And I don’t want to make her wait. 

You gave yourself a few more minutes in bed, and then with a sigh, you climbed out of it, leaving the blankets in a pile.  

— 

“You’ll want something thin and light.” She leaned against the wall with her arms crossed, watching as you searched through another trunk. “It doesn’t need to show off a lot of skin, but …” She sighed, lips pressed together. “You may want it to. It gets warm at home, even near the coast.” 

“That’s not what I’m used to.” Dropping another almost sheer dress onto the pile, you groaned. “We don’t wear these things in Braavos. We wear layers. It’s all heavier. The colors are …” Darker. Less… vibrant. “We try not to stand out.” 

“In Dorne,” Nymeria started speaking again as she pushed away from where she was leaning and made her way to you. “The people are happy. Many of them do not have much, but they have their health. They have their families. They like to…” She dropped to her knees and began to dig through the chest, her head shaking back and forth. “They dress to celebrate life each day and not only on special occasions.” 

“But these clothes, these chests are stolen property.” You frowned. “It feels wrong to show up in Sunspear wearing clothing that came from the ship of a murdered Prince, and -” 

“This one is perfect for you.” She ignored your words, holding up a bundle of wine-red fabric accented with gold stitching on the short sleeves and bodice. “It can be worn a few different ways to make sure you’re comfortable.” She handed it to you and you gasped at the feel of the soft material, trailing your fingers over the surface of it. “And not all of this belonged to Prince Oberyn. Some of it was for trade and to be given as gifts in other cities when he visited them.” 

That made you feel better, and when you rose to your feet, letting the material unfold to reveal the whole garment, you knew that it was the one you would have chosen for yourself. “It looks expensive, Nymeria.” 

“It is. This one was made by the Martell tailor.” She pointed at the golden threads. “And it is beautiful. But it is just going to waste sitting in these trunks. Wear it. I’m sure he’ll love to see you in it.” 

“That’s your father. Isn’t it … odd to -”

“No.” She laughed, dropping down to sit atop one of the closed crates. “And once we get home, you’ll understand why.” You doubted that, but didn’t want to argue with someone that had been so kind to you. 

“Thank you for your help.”  You draped the dress over the back of a chair and then moved back to re-pack the trunks to leave them as you’d found them. “It’s already going to be strange for me to be in Dorne, but at least now I won’t stand out too much, thanks to you.” 

“You will.” She nodded, tilting her head to the side. “But that is a good thing.” What? “Let me walk you back to your room.” It was an abrupt change of topic, but you agreed, following her out of the room and back toward where you’d been staying. “When you’re done there, you should talk to him.” 

“Done?” She nodded, putting one hand on her hip and stepping backwards. “Done with what? I just have to put this on the chair inside, and then -”

“It will make sense in a few minutes.” Nymeria took a deep breath and then said your name. “He’s a good man. And everything he does, there is a reason for it.” Who? Daavos? “Remember that.” 

She didn’t say another word before turning and leaving you to stare as she went, your mouth open in shock. What is she talking about? The ship rocked, bringing you back to attention, and when you turned toward the open door, you decided that as soon as you put the dress down, you were going to find Daavos. 

But that plan fell apart after you stepped into the room and saw what was waiting for you. 

While you’d been eating and searching for new clothes, someone had been inside. The wardrobe door was once again unlocked to reveal the clothing hanging inside of it, though the yellow jacket was missing. A quick glance at the desk told you that there were stacks of papers there again, alongside what you recognized as one of the journals that you’d declined to read days earlier. What? The book was open and the pages marked with a strip of silk, showing you that ink covered the entire surface in lines of text. 

“Why is this out?” You frowned, setting the dress down at the end of the bed and then turning toward the wardrobe. “Why is this open?” There were things hanging inside - shirts like the one you’d seen Daavos wearing throughout the journey, pants and boots that were finely stitched, and a few longer robes that had almost certainly been part of the Prince’s rotation of outfits. I haven’t seen him in any of these. 

They were beautiful. The stitching was similar to the dress Nymeria had chosen for you, golden thread standing out against the darker fabric and woven into twisting floral shapes. You wondered why Daavos had left the door unlocked, but even more puzzling was why he’d placed the correspondence back on the desktop, especially after you’d made it clear you wouldn’t read any more of it. 

But curiosity got the better of you, and you moved to stand in front of the desk, looking down at the papers and books atop it. There was a single sheet of parchment separate from the others, and when you picked it up to read it, your fingers curled against the paper in surprise at the words. 

Read it all. You won’t disrespect anyone - you have my permission.

“Permission? Why would I need …” You looked down from the paper in your hand to the book on the desk, gasping in shock as you read the first line scrawled at the top of the page. 

She may think she’s won, but Cersei Lannister should have known better … It will take more than this to kill the Red Viper. 

The writing continued below, but you couldn’t focus on it, even after you’d dropped the single sheet to the floor, mouth open in disbelief. “What is …” You reached for the book, flipping backwards through the pages to compare the handwriting. “It’s the same.” Heart pounding, you dropped into the chair and scooted it closer to the desk, eyeing the pages. “It’s the same handwriting, and that means …” 

You went back and forth between the journal and the loose pages, comparing the writing from Oberyn’s letters and poems with the contents of the book. It was all the same, and even with only a short time to look at the correspondence, you were certain of it. 

The differences in the unsent letters were intentional. The longer you looked at them, the more you understood - the handwriting was disguised, though some of the phrasing used within it was the same. Whoever wrote this did this on purpose, and that only makes sense if they’re keeping their identity a secret. You took a deep breath and then let it out slowly, looking away from the desk and around the room, tapping your fingers on the wood. 

The ship was Oberyn’s. The quarters were Oberyn’s. The clothing had been Oberyn’s, too, and though it was possible that the men had been similar in size, the way that some of Daavos’ outfits fit - and how comfortable he seemed in them was a little too perfect. And his hands. They’re smooth and soft. And he doesn’t seem… You covered your mouth with one hand, flipping back to the marked pages. 

He understands kindness in a way that no pirate would.

— 

By the time you finished reading, it felt like someone had taken your entire chest between their hands and was crushing it.

You had no idea how long you’d been at it, but you did know that like he’d said multiple times in your time on the ship, there were many things Daavos needed to explain to you. “Not Daavos.” You closed the book and  then placed your hand flat against the cover, fingers spread out over the soft leather. “His name isn’t Daavos.” 

You didn’t doubt anything that you’d read. You were convinced that the journal had been kept in real time, which meant that for the almost two years since the first entry he’d marked for you to read, it had been updated on a regular basis. Sometimes the entries were mundane, just marking the passage of time or making note of weather conditions or the cities that the ship had been in. 

In other updates, you could almost feel the anger in the way the words were nearly slashed into the pages, the handwriting just barely legible as it detailed the lengths he was willing to go to to get his revenge on Cersei and the remaining Lannisters. 

There was no anger in the entries made after he’d found you. Instead, the tone of the contents turned softer and more curious, much like it had been in earlier updates regarding the people that he missed and wanted to get home to. One in particular had stood out to you - a single line in the middle of a page, made the day he’d rescued you. 

I do not want the first things she learns about me to be lies, but there is no other option. 

It was entirely possible that he’d scrambled to put together the entries as a way to further deceive you. He could have gone to great lengths to cover his tracks. But you didn’t think he was the type, especially with you - because there was no reason for him to do so. But I didn’t think he’d lie to me, either. 

The contents of the book and the letters - if they was the truth - meant that from the moment you’d woken up in his bed, Daavos had been feeding you one lie after the other. Or maybe … maybe not. Maybe he’s only lied about … 

There was only one way to find out for sure, and one thing you were certain of was that he’d been the one to leave the door unlocked and the papers on the desk. And that meant that he’d wanted you to see and read them, which meant that he was expecting you to find him and question him about what you’d read before you arrived in Dorne. Which is why he wasn’t sure I’d want to spend the night with him tonight.

“But if this is the truth, then when we get there, I’ll be meeting … oh, seven hells.” You lowered your head and buried your face in your hands, shoulders shaking. 

You took a few minutes to collect your thoughts. Before you could second guess your next moves, you pushed away from the table and stood, heading for the door - and to find the ship’s captain. 

When you stepped out and onto the main deck, you found chaos instead. 

The crew were frantically running back and forth across the wooden surface, shouting to each other as they focused on securing the sail rigging and other on-deck items. They were gathering weapons and loading them into the equipment mounted to the rails and sides of the ship, sliding metal tipped spears into place and moving additional ammunition into position nearby. 

You had no idea what was happening until you looked up and at the wheel, where Daavos was standing with two of his men and his daughters, all of them looking out and to your right. You followed their gaze and felt your blood run cold at the sight of an approaching ship, its sails dark and also unmarked. Pirates. 

When you heard your name, your attention snapped to the source, and you met Daavos’ eyes, watching as he stepped away from the wheel and closer to where you stood. “Get back inside. Lock the door to the bedroom. Protect yourself.” He shook his head twice. “I cannot do what I need to do out here if you’re -”

“No.” Your response surprised both of you, and when you crossed your arms, frowning, you went on. “If I’m locked inside and someone reaches me, I have nowhere else to go.” You shook your head, never looking away. “At least out here I’m not trapped.” His expression softened, shoulders slumping, but he nodded only moments later. 

“Arm yourself, then. You may not know how to use a weapon, but -”

“Maybe I do.” Taking a deep breath, you forced a smile. “Maybe that dagger of mine isn’t just for show.” His lips briefly turned upward, too, and when he nodded at you a second time, you didn’t linger. 

Quickly, you went back to your room and secured your belongings, taking a few deep breaths to steady yourself before sliding the dagger into your belt. I can do this. I can protect myself. You headed for the door, but before you reached it, you paused and looked back at the desk and the wardrobe. If he’s hiding his identity, I can’t leave it out in the open. 

There wasn’t much time, but you didn’t care - rushing back and stuffing the papers and journal back into the drawers and locking them before doing the same with the wardrobe. You had no idea how successfully that would keep the pirates from finding information if they reached the ship’s interior, but at the very least, it meant that there was nothing visible upon first glance. 

On the way back to the upper deck, you passed other crew members as they moved through the halls. You paused and peeked in at the women in the galley, whose fear was almost tangible. Maybe I can help protect them. 

The second ship was closer by the time you made it back outside, and nearly all of the Sand Snake’s men were in place along the rails, waiting. Daavos was with them, his posture still loose, arms hanging at his sides as he watched it sail toward you. 

You positioned yourself in front of the doorway leading inside, though you tried to keep yourself concealed using a stack of crates …and waited. 

“They’re close.” She spoke from next to you, and you looked over to see that  Nymeria was nearby, her head turned toward the open sea. “Minutes away. My father said I’m supposed to stay near you, but -”

“I’ll be fine, Nymeria.” She turned her head to look at you, one eyebrow raised. “You don’t need to look after me. I know you’ll want to fight.” 

“Oh, I’m sure I’ll fight.” She grinned. “We all will.” She paused, gesturing to you with one hand. “You picked a good spot, I’m impressed.” A compliment from her - based on what you’d learned over the previous hours - made your heart pound in your chest. Because he taught her strategy. And he’s smart, and … 

Your attention shifted back to the upper level of the boat, and even though you assumed he’d be watching the approaching ship, Daavos was instead watching you, his lips set in a thin line and the furrow between his brows deep. There was a part of you that was angry at what you’d learned - angry at him for lying, angry at yourself for not questioning anything, angry at the situation you were about to find yourself in. But you knew that it wasn’t the time to dwell on it. I can be angry after we survive this. 

You nodded once at him, giving him a smile that you hoped was able to disguise the fact that you were terrified. He returned it, but before you even had a chance to think further, Nymeria murmured from next to you. “Here they come.” 

The second ship pulled up alongside yours, and you watched as multiple men used the sail rigging to swing from it and onto the Sand Snake, boots hitting the deck with solid thunks that turned into the clanging of swords as the fight began. 

You tried to count, but lost track when you reached thirty new pirates, and with some shock, you realized that the other ship was larger than yours. That meant more men - and more of a challenge, even for highly trained sailors and fighters. 

And that’s what your crew were, you realized as you watched them fight. 

They didn’t fight sloppily - their movements were precise and almost coordinated, the attacks targeted as they attempted to keep the pirates from advancing from the outskirts of the deck to the interior. Nymeria was almost vibrating beside you, her hand on the grip of her dagger as she eyed the chaos around you. 

“Nymeria.” You leaned over, reaching out to touch her arm. “Go. You’re much more valuable in the fight than you are standing here to watch over me.”

“My father will -” 

“You are a Sand Snake. This is what he prepared you for.” Her eyes widened. “He’s been away for too long, and he’s too close to home for it to end like this.” You took a deep breath and nodded again. “Dorne needs its Red Viper, and he needs you.” 

Her eyes brightened at your words, her smile knowing. “Thank you.” She nodded, wetting her lips. “Be careful.” And without another word, Nymeria darted away and toward the fight, unsheathing her dagger as she moved. You had no idea if it was the right call, but it felt like it was, and when you looked away from the fighting on your level and back to where he stood, you watched as Daavos sparred with two men, the worried look gone from his face and replaced with a cocky smile. 

He moved in a circle, almost taunting them as he crossed one foot over the other and sized up the new arrivals, the weapon in his hands - a gleaming spear - flashing in the sunlight as he jabbed it forward. You sensed no fear in him, and with some surprise, you gasped when he moved closer, almost eliminating the distance between himself and his assailants. 

They had longswords, and you immediately noticed that it put them at a disadvantage thanks to the weight of the weapons. One of them fell after another strike by Daavos, the dark haired man laughing as his opponent stumbled over the body in an attempt to avoid it. And when he lunged forward, extending his leg in a sweeping motion and the pirate toppled over, you swore in relief, eyes on the red-tinged blade as it arced downward, striking its target. Two down. That’s good.

Your attention shifted again when you caught movement on your right, two more men climbing over the railing and onto the deck, immediately pulling out curved blades as they advanced toward Nymeria and the men she was fighting with the help of another crew member. 

You had a choice - remaining quiet and risking them taking her by surprise or giving away your position and warning her - and without thinking twice, you opened your mouth, shouting her name. “Nymeria - two more, behind you!” She spun in a circle and you caught her laugh, the girl raising her free hand and motioning the men closer, the gesture clearly meant to taunt them. 

Only one took the bait though, lowering his head as he advanced. The other turned his attention toward you, his lips curling upward in a sneer while his hand made its way to the weapon attached to the belt at his waist. “Well hello there.” 

You were terrified, but tried to keep your expression even, taking one step back so that there were only inches between you and the doorway. You can do this. It’s only one man. Taking a deep breath, you squared your shoulders and then moved your hand to the hilt of your weapon, fingers curled loosely around it. 

Nymeria and the other crew member were still fighting the three men in the distance, and the air was filled with the sounds of shouting and clanging weapons - but you tried to ignore it all and instead focus on your opponent. “What do we have here?” He stopped a few feet away, looking you up and down. “Protecting the doorway? What’s inside? Must be something good.”

“You won’t find out.” Your voice was stronger than you anticipated, and when you shifted your weight, planting both feet, you actually felt confident. “Turn around. Go back to your ship.” He laughed at you, stepping closer. “Stop.” 

“Make me.” He lunged for you and you stepped to the side enough that he missed, pulling the dagger out and brandishing it. The pirate laughed, collecting himself as he straightened up. His weapon of choice moved back and forth between his hands, and you realized with some shock that he was trying to confuse you, distracting you with the movement instead of focusing on him. That won’t work. 

“You think I won’t?” You took a breath, keeping your eyes locked with his. “Try that again.” The dagger felt right in your hand - you didn’t think you’d ever used it before, but the weight of it was comfortable, like you’d trained to learn to use it. Wyllem? No. That’s not right. 

The pirate reached out again and you batted his weapon away, still thinking. You heard a voice in your head - faint but firm, the tone lilting and making your chest ache a little. All men are made of water. Look with your eyes. Hear with your ears. 

The pirate was determined - you saw it in the set of his shoulders and the depth of his stare. He would do everything he could to get past you and into the corridors of the ship, and if that happened, it meant that you’d let him. “It’s a fuckin’ shame I don’t have more time with yeh.” He laughed, the expression his face a sneer. “I’d enjoy that, I think.” 

“You’ll enjoy nothing.” You lunged, too, though it was only halfway, wanting to ease him back a step or two, and it worked. His brows rose and his smile widened, cracked lips splitting with the motion. “You chose the wrong ship.” Swift and sudden. He tossed the weapon back to his other hand and swung, forcing you to lean back. But instead of actually retreating, you darted forward before he could reset, twisting the blade to the side and aiming for the bared skin at the top of his chest, just above the buttons of his tattered shirt. The water leaks out and then they die. 

Your dagger pierced the pirate’s skin with surprising ease, and you heard him gasp, though you didn’t back off or remove the blade. Instead you dragged it downward, widening the wound you’d created while the two of you toppled to the deck with a crash. He was screaming, the sound loud since it was happening right in your ear, and you were dimly aware of a searing pain in your side. What do we say to the God of Death? 

You straddled the pirate, pulling the dagger free and raising it above your head, both hands wrapped around the hilt before you brought it back down. It went through his throat that time, his arms immediately going limp and his weapon clattering free as he stilled beneath you. “Not today.” You whispered the words, lowering your head and closing your eyes. 

You could still hear fighting around you, the sound of men and women shouting as the battle raged, but when you looked up, you saw Daavos striding toward you, his shirt darkened with blood and a smear of it across his neck and jaw. He held a different weapon - that one a knife - and without missing a step, he turned to the right and extended his arm, nicking the exposed skin of the forearm of one of the pirates that was engaged with another crew member. Poison. His blades are always poisoned.

“You killed a man.” He stopped a few steps from where you knelt, and while you stared up at him, you realized that you were checking him for wounds. The blood isn’t his. “With only two strikes. You weren’t afraid, and -”

“Fear cuts deeper than swords.” You repeated the words you’d heard countless times before, closing your eyes as you nodded at the memory of your tutor. “The First Sword of Braavos taught me that.” Thank you, Syrio. 

“You are bleeding.” He reached a hand out, palm up. “Let me help you.” I’m what? But when you opened your eyes, you saw that he was right - a jagged tear in the side of your shirt exposed torn skin, and when you cautiously reached to touch it, you hissed when your fingers made contact. He stabbed me. When we fell, he - “You must get up.” He blinked, swallowing hard. “I know there is much to talk about, but for now, we need to… finish these men off. Can you get up and stay close?” 

You nodded back, reaching for him and letting him pull you to your feet, his fingers wrapped tightly around yours, though they didn’t linger. When you got your bearings, you looked around and saw that your ship’s crew had things under control, despite a few visible injuries. They were herding the pirates toward the stern of the Sand Snake, and you and Daavos joined them, slowly advancing. 

There were only eight men left fighting by the time you reached the back railing, and when four of them threw down their weapons and dropped to their knees, you watched as Obara and Nymeria broke away from the rest of you, dragging those men to the side with some help from two others. Daavos stepped forward toward the remaining pirates, stopping far enough away that their weapons couldn’t reach him. 

“Surrender.” He slipped the knife he’d been using back into the sheath on his belt and then crossed his arms, tilting his head to one side. “You are defeated. Surrender now and we will let you live.” 

“No you won’t.” One of them laughed, gesturing with both hands. “You shouldn’t. Just letting us get back on our ship, and -”

“I said we would let you live. I said nothing about you getting back on your ship.” He took a breath and then looked to his right, jerking his chin toward the other vessel before looking back at his crew. “Board it. Search it. Bring anything of value back here and then burn it.” He leaned forward, eyeing the prisoners as four of his men agreed and then moved to follow his orders. “And when that is done, we’ll put you on a raft and set you adrift. There are plenty of islands in the Stepstones. I’m sure you’ll find one of them eventually.” 

Despite the pain you were in - the burn mounting by the minute, even with your hand firmly pressed against your side - you grinned at his words. My raft. He’s going to put them in my raft. The four men protested, but Daavos didn’t stick around to hear it. Instead, he turned back to look at you, his expression softening. 

“Come with me. We’ll go to the healer, and -”

“No.” You winced, looking down at your side. “I’d like you to do it yourself.” He was stunned but agreed immediately, gesturing for you to follow him toward the door leading inside. The halls were still deserted, but as you passed doorways, they cracked open, people peering out at you. You’re safe. You’re all safe now. 

When you reached the bedroom, he opened the door for you , waiting until you’d walked inside to follow. “I can leave this open, if you prefer it. I don’t want to make you feel … uncomfortable.” Despite the obvious concern about your wound, he was still cautious, and you appreciated it. Because he’s been lying to me and he knows that I know. 

“You can close the door. I’ll need to lift my shirt for you to clean and bandage it.” You paused and then ducked your head, heart pounding. “Your Grace.” 

The room was silent for a few seconds, and then he moved, reaching out to use the tips of his fingers to bring your chin level and forcing you to meet his eyes. “You do not need to be so formal with me. Not here, on this ship. Not in Dorne, not…” He paused. “Well, maybe in front of Doran, but…” That made him smile and your lips quirked upward in return. “Let me take care of that for you and then we can talk.” 

You nodded, still making eye contact until you sat down on the edge of the bed. He busied himself with the pitcher of water on the table and some of the containers on the shelves, his back to you. You lifted your shirt enough so that you could look at your side, gasping at the sight of your injury. It was still oozing blood, the edges jagged, and it was much bigger than you’d imagined. I didn’t even realize that he hurt me. I was so focused on making sure he stayed down. 

“You were very brave.” He was in front of you again, hands full of things you knew he’d use to treat you. “It’s almost like you’ve fought before.” 

“I haven’t.” You inhaled deeply through your nose, watching as he pulled a stool up to the bedside and sat. “I didn’t even know if I’d know how to use that dagger until it was happening, but … I knew that I couldn’t let him past me and into the ship.”

“Nymeria was supposed to stay with you.” He leaned in, using the dampened corner of a cloth to wipe blood from your skin. “I’ll have to speak to her. She -”

“I told her to go.” You grunted at his touch, wincing at the fact that even though he was being gentle, it hurt. “It wouldn’t have helped anyone to have her stuck looking after me. She was more useful… seven hells that hurts. She was more useful fighting alongside your men.” You watched his fingers as they moved over your skin, probing gently along the front of your body and then the back. “This was not her fault, Oberyn.” 

His hands stilled at the sound of your voice, and you were stunned at how easily the name came from your mouth - and how right it sounded. “I’ve waited days to hear you call me that.” He whispered your name, pausing before he continued. “I’ve waited so long to hear anyone call me that, and -”

“Daavos didn’t suit you.” You gritted your teeth at the feeling of some sort of liquid as it stung your skin, forcing yourself to look away while he worked so that you weren’t tempted to look at your wound. “Just like Myriah didn’t suit me.” That got a chuckle out of him, and for a few minutes, Oberyn worked in silence, cleaning you up. He must have studied healing at the Citadel. It goes along with poisons, and everyone knows he achieved that link. 

It didn’t take him long to bandage your wound, and when he finished, you straightened up when he did, watching as he tidied up the supplies he’d used and put the bloodied rags into a bowl. There was tension in the room between you, and while you were angry at him for concealing the truth, a large part of you understood why he’d done what he’d done. And I’ll understand more when he tells me everything. 

“Give me your hands.” You took his when he held them out, and he helped you back to your feet. That time, he didn’t let go as soon as you were steady. Instead, he raised one of yours until the back was level with his lips. You met his eyes and because you didn’t say anything, he closed the distance, pressing his lips to your knuckles before speaking again. 

“My name is Prince Oberyn Martell. I am the younger brother of Doran Martell, Lord of Sunspear.” He stood all the way up, lowering your hands, but he still didn’t let go. “Despite what the rest of the realm believes, I am very much alive… and it is a pleasure to meet you.” 

— 

[musashi]

Pffff you sure do manage to piss a lot of people off, and not know why or how. Perhaps you should look inward.

i'd love to look inward, unfortunately these people i piss off never actually give me anything to work with. they'll say like "wendy, you eat babies" and then i say "can i have an example of when you saw me eat a baby" and then they block and ghost me and i go to my friends like "hey, did you ever see me eating babies? i'm trying to figure this out" and they all unanimously are like "uh no we never saw anything like that??? you did look at a baby once, maybe someone misunderstood???" and then five years pass and the person mad at me for eating babies leaves a long apology in my inbox and i connect with them through DMs and say "i'm just still confused. can you explain the thing where you said i ate babies? like do you remember what made you say that?" and without fail every time they reply "i don't know man, it just seemed right to say at the time."

i'm actually quite interested in bettering myself, and a great deal of my vent posts on here DO end with "i just don't understand" because of that desire. but i think a lot of people really do just forget that i am autistic and a huge part of autism is needing very clear examples of situations/behaviour/whatever. asking lots of questions, receiving lots of clarification, etc. with how mean and quick to abandon people have gotten on the internet lately, no one wants to give me that actionable feedback, or sit with me and help me understand what i might have done wrong/inelegantly. most of them just get angry, take my "maybe we should sit on this and come back to it later?" as an insult, and block me without answer.

currently, the person maligning me fully believes that i'm not "disabled" enough, claims i am "low support," and quite literally said "all [wendy's] symptoms [of disability] improve their life." i think this is very telling of a larger picture--people see how well i hide my cracks, how i boast my function, and how happy i am despite being disabled and file me away in their head as an arrogant neurotypical who is a little bit quirky.

but i would like to remind you, anon, that i am autistic. i am disabled. my social functioning is atypical. my way of understanding myself, my actions, and how those all mesh with the people i share a space with is atypical. "look inward" is great advice, and though I think you were trying to be mean, i welcome it with open arms! however, "look inward" only helps when i have additional help to guide me toward what exactly inward i am looking for. so, in this case, it is a little misguided.

if anyone who KNOWS ME PERSONALLY NOT ON TUMBLR who hates my fucking guts would like to give me some examples of how i act/talk/exist and why it makes them want to set a library on fire i am always, at any given moment, eagerly awaiting that feedback. but currently, the feedback is "none at all." every single person who has had a problem with me for the last half-decade of my life has simply blown up on me over things i did not do/intend/understand, or hardblocked me without a conversation and left me clueless as to what i did wrong.

until someone (friend or foe) is willing to actually communicate with me instead of being a sniveling coward, i will never know where inward to look. them's the breaks!

[toxicanonymity]

Hey there ✨️

I love your work 💕 I'm a long time fan 🫶🏼. I've been on tumblr a few years now, but I'd never found the courage to post anything of my own til now. I've been feeling a little optimistic these days, and genuinely excited about posting some of my writing and sharing it with the people out here. Do you have any advice on how to start posting and interacting from scratch? Cause I'm low-key nervous abt it and it seems like my target audience has already formed a solid community I don't know how to get into 🥺

Hi! 💕 Thank you so much. This is exciting. I’m flattered as heck but jeepers, a little underqualified. So, good news - I consulted a few friends for this, too.

Engage with the community early and often – writers, artists, anyone. Even if it seems like they’ve formed a solid community, there are likely still people joining or else it would die out.

Everyone loves to get feedback on their fics, so this is a good entry point. Comments, reblogs, thoughtful asks. If you have the time and interest, maybe a little fic mood board to slide into someone’s inbox. Tag games, etc. Have perseverance. It can be scary to put yourself out there socially, but this part can’t be any scarier than putting your fics out there, can it?

Become a “regular” on your favorite blogs, and you’ll start getting recognized. This will mean when you post your fic, there will be some name recognition, and they may think “Oh, she loves [fave writer], so we have common interests” *open fic*. Hopefully, you'll also get support from your favorite writers if you engage. It doesn't matter how "popular" someone is, they (most?) still notice and connect with regulars. I’ve had many readers turn into writers and am thrilled to support them. 

Accepting requests is a fantastic way to build connections and have things to talk about. Submitting requests, too.

Pay attention to the fandom tags and how they are used.

@aurorawritestoescape: I’m sure they have their fav writers/writers who inspire them and I saw many say that they love to be tagged in other ppl’s fics [toxy note: agree, please feel free to tag me!]

@beefrobeefcal: Dive in feet first. Throw caution to the wind. The first five tags are the one tumblr recognizes for some weird reason. Tag who you inspires you. No door is bolted shut in this community and everyone is welcome! [toxy note: hard agree!]

You've got this, it's gonna be great! Excited for you. Feel free to follow up if you have more specific concerns or questions. My DMs are open too. If you tell me the fandom I might have other ideas.

[godsdaughter3]

˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ Welcome to my blog!

I like to talk a lot, I am a Christian so I see many things in this world that I would like to talk about to hopefully plant a seed into someones life.

Disclaimer! !!! EVERY POST IS FROM A CHRISTIAN PERSPECTIVE AND WRITTEN WITH NOTHING BUT LOVE SO IF YOU DON'T FEEL COMFORTABLE WITH IT PLEASE SCROLL !!!

I am not a pastor, just a girl who loves the Lord and wants to help her brothers and sisters in Christ to grow their relationship with our creator. I do use passages from scripture and get help from pastors on the topics that I talk about. ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

Everyone can read these, I only hope and pray that this blog helps people grow more into their relationship with God. ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚ My posts will probably never have a specific date, they'll just come out whenever they come out but I'll try my best to stay consisent!

I basically made series of my random yaps. Here is every single one in order 🤍

Yap Session 1: Your Tongue Has Power.(ft. Sturniolo Triplets) Yap Session 2: Spiritual Warfare/Demonic Attacks. Yap Session 3: How the Holy Spirit uses people to talk (ft. Sturniolo Triplets).

My favorite Bible verse: Proverbs 3:5-6 "Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

I love music and I doubt that you don't like it. (If you don't that's you lol). Here are some playlists I made (I might add more in the future).

PLAYLISTS:

Spanish Worship Playlist English Worship Playlist Bilingual Worship Playlist Wedding (I'm delusional) Playlist Christian Fun (English and Spanish) Secular music I find safe for Christians (IN MY OPINION might change). SEASONAL SPECIALS: Winter playlist ❄️☃️🤍 Christmas playlist 🎄

If you have any prayer requests, my dms are always open. If you have a question about a topic my inbox is always open. Please, please, please ask questions, I'll be more than happy to answer all of them.

Have a blessed day, remember Jesus loves you! ✞

(Dividers by @issysh3ll and @bernardsbendystraws THANK YOU GUYS FOR THESE CUTE DIVIDERS!!

[ask-karlachbear]

Hi, I hate doing this stuff, but I guess I owe everyone an apology for disappearing. A lot has happened since I last tried to get back here and I feel like I'd do a disservice if I'd explain it here like it's nothing- since a lot of people got hurt, me included- and looking at this profile has been like being stabbed lately.. I tried sitting down to answer messages but my inbox is filled with hate I don't think I deserve, regardless of everything- cause the hate in question wasn't just harmless sentences or telling me to deactivate- but purposely targeted personal stuff that whoever wrote it knew what they were doing..

All of this to say that I will put this account on rest until I can figure out how to deal with this emotionally, I'm up for roleplaying on discord in case someone is still interested- though I highly doubt- and I will be "active" on main if anyone wants to talk or stay in contact, my dms are always open.

I don't want anyone to get any hate, reason why Im not saying names or talking about what happened specifically in respect to everyone involved, so please as always keep in mind to practice kindness towards everyone.

Lynn.

[cappulcino]

How much more entitled can people get?

I literally received a message this morning (5:30 a.m for me) saying:

[Fandom I don't write for] and [Fandom I don't write for] need fics and so do [Fandom I don't write for] and [Fandom I don't write for]

Just that. That's the message.

First of all, fanfiction writers (as well as other artists of any kind who post their work on social media) are actual people with feelings and a life you don't know about. You owe them basic respect. So "Hello", "Please", and "Thank you" are the bare minimum. You can also throw a couple "Sorry to bother you" or "I hope you don't mind [...]" in there if you want.

And I don't care that your English isn't good as it was the case with the person who DMed me. I'm fairly certain your language has words for those, and Google translate exists.

Second. I know my DMs are open and I don't really mind receiving some. But I know some people do mind. So please, as much as possible, keep private conversations for private things. For general questions and requests, there is a....... you guessed it: REQUEST INBOX/ASK BUTTON. Not only Tumblr made it easier for us to know how many requests we have left unanswered (unlike the notification count for DMs that disappears as soon as you open the conversation), but your request and our answer to it might be interesting to others.

Third. When you know a writer (or, again, digital artist, video editor, whatever) is already in a middle of something, sometimes maybe working on several WIPs/requests/commissions at once (+ their personal lives and struggles), you may send your own request. But you may not send several requests a day or one everyday (as it has happened to me), nor keep asking "Have you seen my request?", "When will you answer my ask?" and any other variations of those questions. Again, we have lives and problems outside social media, and we can't burden ourselves with more WIPs than our brain and schedule can deal with.

Also, quick reminder that constantly asking about the progress of a fic or other work you asked for or are excited about does not make said work arrive any faster. If anything, you are pressuring someone that may react the opposite way and be so frustrated they can't do it anymore. Thank goodness this hasn't happened to me yet, but I know that, with my AuDHD and anxiety disorder, if you start asking me about something repeatedly, I won't want nor be mentally able to do it anymore and you'll never have what you wanted.

Lastly, learn how to read. For the love of God, learn. how. to. read. Writers and artists on Tumblr spend quite some time answering asks and making detailed masterposts and introductions for themselves and their work. So take as much time to read those and check previously answered requests because the answer might be somewhere in there.

I have received messages about fandoms I don't write for. What's the point? I have received requests for tropes I'm not comfortable with (and I clearly stated so). What's the point? I have received requests to write in a style that is evidently not mine (and while I do enjoy a challenge, I don't think it's fun for neither writer nor recipient). What's the point?

Also learn how to read the room. If we suddenly stop answering you, you might have done something wrong. If you see us suddenly get tense or a bit rude, you might have done something wrong. And if we express our discomfort and tell you you've done something wrong.... you've definitely done something wrong. There is no need to whine or be disrespectful about it or send anonymous insults to our inbox. Take responsibility, be mature and accountable.

Remember that what we post on social media is for enjoyment, but not only your own –ours, too. And remember that 95% of the time, we are not paid to do this, and yet it takes half if not most or all of our free time. You have no right to be impolite and so entitled with someone you don't know and whose services you don't pay for.

Be better.

[delicatelystrangepolice]

If you don't like certain YR blogs just block them, I have been doing that for three years. It makes your experience so much better.

I think this ask wasn’t meant for me (because I have another that I think belongs to someone else in my inbox) but I will take some liberties to use this moment to blab about the topic.

In my post I wasn’t actually talking about any particular blog or person. I was talking about the whole culture of this fandom. And listen, I’ve been on Tumblr for a long time. I’ve seen a lot of things. I know how the internet works and I know how fandoms work.

What I was commenting on was more based on general observation. I personally didn’t get that much of a poor treatment, mostly because I don’t say much. But when I was very new to this fandom and I was orienting myself around I saw how a lot of other people are treated.

What I didn’t say in my post and is probably worth noting is the fact that YR fandom is fairly young. Both in people’s age and in its own age. I was excited to be in a fandom that’s still forming because I like to observe how the internet’s culture changes.

At the time I got here there were a lot of speculations about the third season, but I noticed a lot of… how to describe it? It was an interesting time because people were still processing the 2nd season (especially those who were there before it aired) but there were also a lot of newcomers who, like it’s always the case, had the same doubts and questions the old fans had before.

And what I observed: the old fans weren’t very welcoming of the new fans. I know how psychologically it works – you thought you’d already been through that, you talked this shit to death with your friends and blogs you like and there’s another round of the same questions, the same ‘bad takes’ you thought you explained many times. It’s natural, it always happens in fandoms.

What I didn’t like about this phenomenon in this particular fandom was the tone – everything was always such a high stake. Someone says ‘um I think Wille’s behavior is problematic’ and the responses were always ‘LIKE LITERALLY NO! HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO EXPLAIN?? HE’S A TRAUMATISED CHILD!!! HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT ABOUT A TRAUMATIZED PERSON??? HAVE YOU BEEN TRAUMATIZED???”

I did literally see someone saying ‘Oh, well, I don’t think Wille was abused’ and someone saying ‘You must have been abused to think this.’

I have a problem with that because an attitude like this discourages people from forming discussions. Someone was talking about a character and they were attacked personally for this.  You know what I’m saying?

I have a problem with behaviors like this because the internet culture, fandom especially, was often a place for me to talk about things I couldn’t talk about with people in my real life. It opened a new world for me, new opportunities to form bonds that I would never form if not for the fandom. Maybe the younger generation can’t appreciate it because it’s more obvious to them, but I was thinking about my younger self who could finally find like-minded people. And I think it’s important that those spaces can be safe and cultured enough because not everybody lives in big cities, and not everybody has access to see much of the world other than the internet. Fans attacking other fans because they disagree with what some mainstream creator decided to do with a show is the opposite of that.

Another thing is I personally have zero problem with ‘drama’ – I think a very helpful tool to clear the air very fast. What I have a problem with is the attitude ‘DON’T BRING YOUR SHIT TO THE FANDOM, GO TALK THIS SHIT IN YOUR DMS’ Well, some people here don’t have friends. Some people came here to form friends. How can they find anything when it’s not talked about ever? In every community has to be enough space to talk stupidly and with passion, even if you personally disagree with that.

I understand the internet culture enough to have some patience for stupidity. I know how to take care of myself and know how to get offline when it’s bothering me. What triggered my post was another person saying that they don’t want to talk about Young Royals because it’s not pleasant anymore. I just knew how that feels. And I knew why.

Here’s a post that’s helpful with the topic I think.

[blackdollette]

hii! omg okay so i absolutely love your works and your writing style and i wanted to know how you started up writing on here because i’ve been wanting to for a while but have no idea how to start 😣

thank you so much for this question! I'm gonna answer it in detail and feel free to dm me if ur confused abt anything!

OLIVIA'S (almost) COMPLETE WRITING GUIDE!

the basics.

i'll start off really easy. to begin, find someone (preferably famous). if this person is in any films, watch a few to get a taste of a couple different characters. this will help you form a hyperfixation to a character. this will be who you write for. for me, it's rory culkin & spencer reid. from here, now we can get to the fun part.

your aesthetic.

your theme is the next thing that will draw in an audience. I'm completely aware of the trillions of different aesthetics in the world, but more popular ones tend to draw a larger audience (odd, I know.) currently trending aesthetics include 2014 grunge (shades of black, pink, and lots of soft filters), coquette (pastel pinks and soft cremes, can be followed with slightly disturbing content), and my favourite, gothic. (falls into 2014 a little. i include themes from my favourite album. music will draw in a crowd too.) but this part is extremely flexible, so choose any style that you want!

friends & your fandom.

one of the best things you can do to give your account a kick start before even starting is to make friends in a fandom. reblog fics you like, leave kind comments, "sneak" into dms and leave encouraging messages. this'll earn you some followers and supporters right off the bat. if you're comfy with it, tell your friends outside of tumblr to follow you too (but I totally understand where that can get messy, so no pressure.)

writing + visuals.

now we're getting to the good part. fanfics are categorized into 3 main parts: smut, fluff, and angst (all I'm sure you've seen on my page.) smut is sexual stuff, fluff usually has a more cozy atmosphere around it, and angst is all the gut-wrenching stuff that really tugs at your heartstrings. as you write for either one of these things, keep in mind that your visual should support whatever the theme of the fic is. idk how long you've been supporting me, but ever since the start (august 2023) I have included some sort of visual in my content. first I only used gifs and ordinary fonts, then I branched out and began putting together my own photos and making the title match. your visual will reflect the quality of your writing.

when writing for anything, second person is usually my go-to (you went to the store, you took a walk, etc). it is the most commonly used perspective and prevent any confusion for the readers. when writing smut, there are certain words and phrases that'll be good with readers, and some that won't. when referring to the vagina, "cunt" and "pussy" will do better than "coochie" or "bearded clam" (yes, I've actually seen that used in a fic). when writing angst or fluff, create a mood by using sensory words that paint a picture in the reader's mind. practice this by googling good descriptive words and weaving them into your fics. this'll boost your writing by a ton, trust me.

conclusion.

this was a lot to take in, I know. when I first started publishing fics on this account, my content was far from good, but I promise you will improve as you go. remember to pace yourself, don't force yourself to write if you just don't feel like it. any writer on this app will understand that feeling. leave your inbox open most of the time to receive good ideas from your supporters, but let them know if you ever need to close it because of an excessive workload. i don't know if you're in school, but finding a good balance between schoolwork and writing fics is a huge part of this whole thing too. thank you so much for the wonderful ask, and my dms are open if you have any more questions.

xoxo, olivia.