#my idea with him is that he LOOKS like hes a good person so people actually like him

[ravencromwell]

Rereading Dickens Christmas Carol for the first time in a long time. And the more I reread, the more it strikes me how seamlessly a queer reading could slip within these pages. Not an especially twee reading, wherein all Scrooge's troubles start and end with grief over Jacob Marley's death. For we know that Scrooge was a "Tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner!" And we know that he and Marley were "two kindred spirits"

And perhaps that very fact makes the similarities to queer life, unintended as they most likely were by Mr. Dickens, achingly poignant to me. Scrooge is, we're told, "secret and self-contained and solitary as an oyster." How much that resonates, for so many of us who shield our innermost selves but from a select group of friends. And we know that Scrooge and Marley were, at the very least, certainly that for one another. Scrooge is Marley's sole mourner; his sole executor and beneficiary; and even Dickens notes, "friend." How reminiscent is that of queer couples across history, estranged from their families?

Scrooge lives in a set of chambers that once belonged to Marley—clearly Dickens wanted us to believe Scrooge gave up his own dwellings after Marley's death to economize. But with only a flicker of change, those chambers become _their chambers, rented by Marley as the senior member of the couple. The place is so desolate Dickens notes "one could scarcely help fancying it must have run there when it was a young house, playing at hide-and-seek with other houses, and have forgotten the way out again." The perfect abode for two queer misers who wanted no one prying into their business.

Marley's name is still above the door of Scrooge's counting-house: a mark by which, no doubt, Dickens meant to convey Scrooge such a penny-pincher he couldn't bother to have it changed. But a thing can be both! mark of frugality to ludicrous excess and! mark of mourning. "sometimes," Dickens opines, "People new to the

business called Scrooge Scrooge, and sometimes Marley, but he answered to both names. It was all the same to him."

This is why "death of the author" matters so much, in expanding our interpretations of texts. It is vastly far from the lens Dickens would have intended. But, the idea of a ghost of queerness, so taboo in the society it could barely be glanced at sidewise in this tale that is all about the inexplicable and yet that lingers over everything becomes an astonishing lens through which to read this book. Thinking of Scrooge as a queer man, his "melancholy dinner at his usual melancholy tavern" becomes a eerie prefiguring of the hollowness of days spent by Isherwood's A Single Man. In this universe, little wonder Scrooge doubly hates mention of time with family, marriage, etc. when the precise nature of his grief is both unacknowledged and unacknowledgable.

And readings like this are vital, because the uncomfortable truth is, discrimination doesn't "discriminate between sinners and saints", to borrow a Miranda phrase. It is easy, in my liberal circles, to fight for queer people who hold "the good sorts of politics". But what about men like Michael Hess, culpable for supporting Reagan even as his contemptuous homophobia let the aids epidemic run rampant? How much harder is it to remember Michael had a partner? That he deserves empathy and compassion for being practically tarred and feathered out of the party upon his own aids diagnosis?

Expanding our imaginative universes to include queerness, not as redemptive panacea, but merely as one aspect of identity, personality, often in vicious conflict with others. Even! as we consider those stories equally worthy of being told feels vital if we're ever to truly express the complexity of what queer humanity looks like.

[glitter-stained]

I always feel like a little sad seeing posts about how Jason's character is inherently tragic and that's what makes it good, how him being unloved, a tragic consequence of his own actions, is inevitable, and how that shouldn't change because any change on that regard is a fundamental misunderstanding of his character. Yes, Under the Hood is a tragedy. Yes, Jason survived and for a long time people have been pretty confused at what to do with the character that survives the tragic ending. That doesn't mean he should continue to be trapped in the tragedy, that there's only value in him as long as he's unloved. And maybe that's me preaching and being a party pooper again but the idea that the teenage-to-young adult character with a mental illness that has damaged all his relationships is doomed to be lonely and have bad/upended relationships forever, that he's only good as a character as long as he's hurting others and/or himself (and usually both) and isolated because of this... It's sad, at the very least. I refuse the presumption that tragedies are the only stories wise and worth telling.

Also I personally really dislike the idea that Jason isn't and shouldn't be anyone's favourite, because he made himself nobody's favourite on purpose. Did he make himself a villain on purpose? Fuck yeah. Does any of his early attempts at reaching out to people hurt them? Indubitably. I maintain that this is because he wants to be someone's favourite as he is, at his worst, with his hands covered in blood. And I think he should be. (Without contradicting or damaging, by comparison, the relationships between other characters, that's the tightrope we need to be weary of when making such things, of course.)

It's like this: love, in most relationships, is conditional: you don't owe your friend or your partner to continue to love them if the relationship changes, if you change, if you become violent etc. If my girlfriend started murdering puppies, I would stop loving her. Ideally, however a parent's love for their child is unconditional. That's very often unfortunately not the case, but ideally it'd be, it's really not great for a kid to have zero parents that love them unconditionally. And most importantly, it's not just about actual unconditional love, it's about it being perceived. So it doesn't matter in the debate if Bruce actually loves Jason in spite of the murder, it matters that Jason asks for confirmation of it at the end of UTH and receives a negative answer. (similar arguments to be made about Catherine loving Jason and dying of drug overdose and Willis going to jail and dying - it's the potential perceived abandonment of it that would matter, not their agency and actual love. And it's not a question of whether he would be angry at it so much as that he'd yearn and hurt for it. And of course Sheila didn't love him at all.) That's why he, upon learning about Mia and reaching previously unknown to man levels of projection*, tries to rally her with the hope that, because she's "so similar to him" she would understand him. That's why upon learning about Dick "killing" Blockbuster Jason, again projecting more violently than a bullet, Jason makes Dick into his new favourite person (god, the concept behind BiB has so much potential why did it have to suck so bad...) Anyway, Jason to me is a character with a very intense, very overwhelming conception of love both in who he loves and how, who struggles to understand that other people love and show it differently, and it makes so much sense for him to keep looking for a person who will love him unconditionally (something that's both very rare and not necessarily healthy since, again, most relationships aside from parent-child relationships do not and probably should not include unconditional love). This is particularly interesting in the context of him having bpd (again, using bpd because i'm focusing on the interpersonal dimension that's been mostly studied within that frame) because BPD often functions around a vicious circle of "is afraid of rejection/abandonment -> does maladaptive behaviour in attempt to prevent rejection/abandonment OR protect oneself by being the one to leave first" which is what leads to the instability in relationships. It's a doomed prophecy: i have maladaptive patterns that make me think my girlfriend is gonna leave me at any time, I keep demanding to see her phone, assuming she's cheating everytime she leaves and thus demonizing her even though I was glorifying her five minutes earlier" then she's going to leave me, which is gonna reinforce my thought pattern that everyone always leaves me. But that also means that in rare instances in which the other person in the interact, for whichever reason, sticks around through that, then these incorrect thought patterns begin to change through the sheet logic of extinction: if i think that people always leave me because of something fundamentally wrong with me and people don't leave then eventually the idea that people are doomed to abandon/reject me is going to lose its power. That's, btw, an important part of why therapy works.

(*that one's a joke, btw. He's not projecting onto mia and dick to levels impossible to mankind, just pretty intensely. Very human levels of projection, might I add'. Just to clarify.)

Now, be mindful: I'm not saying make Jason an abusive boyfriend. I'm not saying put him in a relationship where the other stays because they're afraid of him, that's not unconditional love or acceptance that's just fear. Of course, the ideal version of it would be Jason goes to therapy but because dc hates me specifically this is never gonna happen, but imagine him being in a relationship, romantic or otherwise, with someone who is as intense and "unwell" about him as he is about them. I'm not saying it would fix him (again, get him so goddamn therapy jfc) but it would change him. And just as it doesn't have to be healthy it doesn't have to be tragic.

I was asked a while ago my thoughts on Jason's current stagnancy as a character and if I thought he could become interesting again, and I said yes and talked about the directions I dream would be explored with his character and their potential. My answer hasn't changed, and it's completely compatible with this, but I will add: I think Jason as a character has largely and for long enough been defined through his yearning to be somebody's favourite, and that if you want his mode of interacting with others and dynamic with different characters to change then this is a very logical way to do it. And it would make a lot of sense for it to be the catalyst for other changes in his character (ie in his name or philosophy).

Get that boy into a super intense long-term codependent situationship, is what I'm saying. Please.

[nezukoo-channn]

— giliw ko (Zayne x F!Reader)

Tags: Non-MC F!Reader x Zayne, Reader isn’t MC, Reader uses/gets addressed w female pronouns (she/her), Spanish colonial AU! Not historically accurate , Zayne, Reader, and Caleb are small children during this (around the ages of 7 to 12), appearances of Zayne and readers' parents, possibly OOC Zayne and Caleb , there are translations (not exactly word by word but I translated it based on what's the most accurate thought behind it, it's italicized beside or after the dialogue) , fluff, children making memories together (kids being kids) , different social classes (note that you and Zayne don't have the same social classes, explains why your family works for him)

A/N: this is my first time writing lnds fanfic so please be kind 🥹. this is the prologue of the main story, there will be a part 2! I haven't written in so long and I haven't written fanfiction for even longer, I'm so sorry for the OOC and the possible errors this fic had, I tried my best to proof read and do some editing and corrections. Any reblogs or form of love is appreciated by me thank you! 💖

Wc: 2.2k words

Dedicated to: @deusfoundry (thank you for being the first person who listened to my idea and supported me throughout its creation, I hope i don't disappoint you 🙇‍♀️)

Taglist for this fic : none yet

Divider by : @saradika-graphics

Prologue

⋆⁺₊❅。

Zayne remembers the first time he met you.

He was seven years old when his mother introduced you. His mother had looked around and asked if any child was perhaps his age who could get along with his quiet personality. Luckily, your mother, one of the maids that helped raised him, had you, a child around his age. As a child, you had long hair, bright eyes that shone under the bright morning light, and skin that glowed under the sun’s comfort. You step forward, bowing to him.

“Y/N.” You say, glancing up at him and stretching out a hand to him, waiting for him to accept it. “Ano ang pangngalan mo?” What's your name?

Zayne takes your hand and hovers his lips against yours. His mother’s eyes widened, surprised by her son’s actions. Meanwhile, yours stares in disbelief at his actions, yet no expression of disdain or anger paints their faces.

“Zayne.” He says, his quiet voice slips out of his tongue. “Ang pangngalan ko ay Zayne, binibining Y/N. Natutuwa kita makilala.” I'm Zayne, Miss Y/N. Nice to meet you.

Zayne remembers your bright laughter.

You shake your head at his introduction, remarking about how formal he sounds for a boy around the same age as you. He tries to defend himself, saying that he wanted to make a good impression and yet, you continue to laugh. You look up to your mother and his, remarking about the way he acted and greeted you out loud. Before your mother can scold you about your mouth and behavior, his laughs.

“Ganyan talaga siya, iha.” His mother remarks about her son’s behavior, “Parehas sila ng ama niya.” He's like that, my dear. Acts a lot like his father.

You nodded at their words, but honestly, you couldn't care any less. You look at Zayne, still standing in front of you. Taking his hand in yours , you made a beeline towards the outside. Your small feet pass through their family’s beautiful garden with various flowers, shrubs, and individuals who helped maintain it.

You stop every once in a while to appreciate its beautiful colors and sweet smells. You take a whiff of Jasmines, grab Santans that fell on the ground below, and carry Plumerias in your spare hand, dragging Zayne behind you at all times.

Past the garden, you weave through the grass and onto the vast plantation fields. It was already late in the morning, the plants tower over your small heads as the sun shines down. There were people working on the fields, making sure that the rice being planted can be eventually harvested once the season comes. You pass through them all, making sure to give way to yourself and your new friend (despite the sighs of the workers, mainly from your father and grandfather).

Meanwhile, inside, your mother and his laughs. “Ganyan ba talaga ang anak mo?” Is she always like this? She asks, her voice in disbelief. She glances outside, their silhouettes already gone. Her question was one of pure genuine curiosity rather than offense. Your mother looks up from what she is doing and nods.

“Opo, Señora. Ganyan talaga ang anak ko.” Yes, she's always like that. Your mother answers and proceeds to resume her cleaning. His mother smiles, giving a nod of approval before leaving.

Zayne remembers what the first few days of his life was with you in the picture.

Most days, he was quiet and observant, kept to himself, liked to read and follow his parents, who were doctors in their small town, everywhere. He observes the way they treat patients, going above and beyond to help others in need in their small barrio. He was exposed to various people of various ages and social classes but would watch from afar, making sure he wouldn’t disturb his parents’ work.

But ever since you came…things slowly changed.

He’d still follow his parents around, but everytime you wanted to play and talk to him, he’d drop what he was doing to accompany you. You laugh, talking to him in what little Spanish and mostly Tagalog you knew and he’d listen along. Most days start early with you helping around the house. Your mother and the other maids would give you little tasks to do, like cleaning up and wiping down the tables to keep you entertained for a while until Zayne was awake and spent the whole day together.

However, your most important task was given by Zayne’s mother, days after you two had met and begun to get along.

“Iha,” Dear His mother calls for you and you approach, dusting your skirt the way you saw your mother and women do when she calls for them.

“Opo, Señora?” Yes , Maam? Your high-pitched voice replies.

“Masaya ka rito? Kumusta kayo ng anak ko? Narinig ko sa ina mo na palaging kayo naglalaro at tinuturuan ka rin niya magbasa?” Are you enjoying it here? How are you and Zayne? I heard from your mother that you two play together often and he's been teaching you how to read?

You nod immediately and begin to ramble about the various activities the two of you like to do together, such as him teaching you how to read and write, and in turn, you teach him to play various kids games you knew and help him slowly break out of his quiet exterior. His mother nods along, smiling at your anecdotes. Once you are done, you realize what happened . You look down at the ground, trying to avoid her gaze.

“Lo..lo siento, Señora…” I'm sorry, Maam. You whisper in apology. She waves her hand, dismissing it. You glance up, and a smile returns to your face.

“Natutuwa ako, iha. Saan magpatuloy ito dahil hindi ko pa nakita na palaging ngumiti ang anak ko.” I'm glad to hear that, my dear. I hope it continues because I haven't seen my son smile so frequently. She smiles before dismissing you off. You thank her before running to Zayne’s room upstairs, ready to start a new day with him.

You remember how you two played with each other.

Your hands intertwined as you ran through the fields. He greets workers a pleasant morning before you continue to drag him along. Far away from the fields, you both reach a small clearing. It was mostly flat, with several trees standing tall to shade you both. There you spend your days together, playing and laughing. Zayne would tease you, and in turn, you tease him back. There were days he’d bring books, teaching you how to read and write your names in the dirt. In turn, you teach him how to climb a tree (which didn’t go as planned) and how to play the games you knew until lunch comes around and you both head back home.

After lunch, the house is silent. You and Zayne find your own small space in a large house to simply do one thing: to take an afternoon nap before playing with each other throughout the afternoon until dinner.

That was your routine everyday. Some other days had exceptions, but it felt exciting as you two played and knew more about each other. You knew that Zayne likes stray kittens or any feline in general, and hates carrots, picking at his food whenever there was the sight of it. It was the exact reason why your grandmother, the one who cooks at his family's, always removed carrots from his meals.

Most of all, you know that you are one of his friends—his only friend maybe, but for the ever quiet and observant Zayne, that was enough.

Besides you being Zayne’s friend, your playmate, a boy around your age named Caleb joined along.

You three did everything together despite your different backgrounds and families. It didn't seem to be a problem as you were children , barely the ages of 10, enjoying what it's like to be children.

However, that all came to an end one afternoon.

You three were playing at your usual spot, with Zayne quietly leaning against the tall tree, Caleb lying down against the blades of grass, laughing , and you, standing over both boys with a large grin on your face. You were gloating about how you finally won against Caleb in a game of tag while he groaned in annoyance , grumbling about your loud and obnoxious behavior.

“Ang ingay…” Zayne grumbles teasingly, “Ano ba ka? Isang bata?” You're so loud...what are you? A baby?

You glance up at him. “At ano ka ba?” You retorted, “Isang matandang tao?” And what are you? An old man?

He sighs.

Silence slowly begins to envelope you three as you join them,  sitting down on the grassy fields. The sun had begun to set, showing a various array of different colors. Red bleeds into orange and yellow, with shades of pink appearing to dot the horizon as well. 

“Aalis ako dito.” I'm leaving. Zayne says. You and Caleb pause, glancing up to him. You stared at him in disbelief,  thinking he was kidding. 

“Huh?!” You and Caleb spit out, staring in disbelief of his words. “Bakit?” Why?

“Pupunta ako sa Maynila…at baka naman sa Europa or sa Asya , hindi ko pa alam—para mag-aral ng medisina.” I'm leaving for Manila, and maybe Europe or other parts of Asia, Im not sure yet— but Im leaving to study medicine one day. Zayne answers.

Manila was a large place, the crown jewel of the Philippines and the seat of Spanish colonial authority. It is the place where people go to and, in turn, leave their families behind for a hope of a better life for them.

Manila is the place where dreamers live, where the tall walls and gates in Intramuros block the rich and known from everyone else.

You remember stories about your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, visiting the city of Manila. You remember how your eyes brightened with excitement as you wanted to know more about her beauty.

Manila is a flame, and all the people flock like moths towards it.

And Europe.

It was even bigger than Manila, a whole continent, even. The seats of Imperial powers. The place that only a lucky few that have the right money and privilege can feel her luxurious embrace.

If Manila was like winning one lottery ticket , then going to Europe was like winning the whole casino.

You and Caleb look at each other. Zayne was leaving. You don't know when you'll see him again, or if you'll ever see him either. You kept a bare face, trying not to let the tears from your eyes fall. Caleb got up from the grass and squeezed your hand.

“Talaga?” Your voice says, almost cracking from the shock. “Aalis ka?” Really? You're leaving?

Zayne nods, confirming his fate.

“Kailan ka babalik?” Will you return? Was your next question.

Zayne shrugs his shoulders. “H…hindi ko alam kung kailan…” I don't know when.

You pause. He wasn't sure when he's coming back. You aren't sure if he's even coming back alive in the first place— would he even remember all the times you played together if he leaves? What if he doesn't come back? You sniffle, trying to wipe the invisible tears from your face.

Caleb was quiet. He stares at Zayne as well. He knows that Zayne leaving would break your heart. He gets up and approaches, pulling you and Zayne into a tight hug.

Zayne didn't know if he'll be able to live with your heart broken for a dream beyond the comforts of the province.

And that's when you started to cry.

You sobbed, staining everyone's clothes with snot as you sniffled. You wiped your tears, grumbling a thing or two about the way you're acting. Tears continue to stream down your face as it becomes hard for you to breathe, your throat closing up from all the tears you exhuasted out. Zayne and Caleb noticed your struggle and step away, giving you the needed space to breathe.

No words were exchanged between you three as you held each other and cried until sun down. You helped wipe each other's tears before looking back at the direction of home and begin to walk home, taking slow steps to absorb one of the last moments you three had together before reality stepped in.

You remembered the day Zayne left.

You were helping your mother and the other women clean the house when Zayne approached you, his father standing a bit farther away. He was dressed up nicely, in clothes similar to boys his age and around his social circle. His hair was done as well, his black strands in place.

You dusted your skirt, pressed the wrinkled ends of your blouse and fixed your messy hair. Your hands still had invisible dust stuck onto them, yet you tried to get rid of it.

It was a stark contrast between the both of you.

A reminder that in the end, he was a son of rich doctors from notable families.

And, there was you. Just an ordinary girl, born to ordinary parents , and set out to live an ordinary life.

At least, in the few years that you knew each other, social classes and privilege never mattered.

“Aalis na ako.” I'm leaving. He says, taking your hand in his. He lowers his lips against it, placing a soft kiss. You wipe a tear from your eye with your other hand, trying not to cry. He lets go of your hand, picking something from his pocket before handing it to you.

You tilt your head, staring at the small thing beneath your palms. It was a small flower, its colors faded. Its beautiful White turned into a soft Brown. The sweet smell laced lightly across its small petals. You held the small flower on the palm of your hand and smiled.

“Ang Ganda…” Its beautiful... You whisper in amazement. He nods, smiling as well.

“Bibigyan kita ng maraming magandang bulaklak sa pagbalik ko…” I'll bring you beautiful flowers when I return..

He promises. His father calls for him, making Zayne look away from you and return to his Father. You waved goodbye to each other, seeing them leave the house and close the door behind them.

You glanced down at the flower again, before placing the dried flower inside your pocket, patting it gently before getting back to work.

[dimlylittorch]

this started off as a hurt comfort fic but i changed my mind and it turned into.. manipulation. i am unwell. THIS SHIT IS LIKE 3K+ WORDS BE WARNED.

My Masterlist🌱

Silco x transmasc!reader

small synopsis: he finds the son of an aristocrat in Piltover to be his pawn

He’ll never forget that day. That day on the bridge, when his entire world changed. Ever since then, there’s been a pit inside of his stomach. It churns and twists whenever something that is his is in danger. When something of his is out of his reach.

Grief is a funny thing. It can invoke every kind of human emotion. Anger, sadness.. it tears a person up inside. Leaving scars that will never heal completely. Yes, they fade with time. But sometimes they fester. And wounds get reopened- bringing every single old emotion back in one fell swoop.

Meeting you changed everything he thought he knew. When he thought he’d finally found himself on stable ground, you pulled the world out from under his feet. His heart had grown cold, and he found himself incapable of.. feeling. Feeling anything other than rage, or hate. He had no pity for the weak. Not anymore.

Until he found you.

The day he met you was the day he felt like maybe- just maybe, he could breathe again. A pretty little thing you were. Coming from a good family in Piltover, you were clean and well taken care of, nothing like the people in the Undercity. You were innocent, and completely unaware of the dangers that lied in the Undercity among people like him.

Having packed a small bag, fully intending on exploring some more of the world that your parents kept you so sheltered from, you managed to find yourself near an entrance into the Undercity without even knowing it. Walking through damp alleyways and past the docks, slipping on the occasional patch of worn wood. You had no idea how dangerous it was for you to be out there in the dark.. let alone by yourself.

You found yourself stumbling across run down buildings with holes in the ceiling and ruined infrastructures. One warehouse in particular caught your eye as it seemed relatively stable. You peeked inside through the front entrance before opening the door, it creaking loudly. You take a few steps inside, glancing around at how different it was from the buildings you’d seen your whole life.

“Wow” you whisper to yourself when you look up, a clear view of the moon through one of the holes in the ceiling. Of course, you had no idea Silco was using this place for his own purposes. And you had no idea he was near. Walking through the main area of the building, a small smile creeps along your lips. “Hello!” You call out, hearing a faint echo back, much to your amusement. Silco stood in a dark doorway with his eyes on you, his eye brow quirked with interest. When was the last time he’d heard someone truly laugh?

As you make your way up the large staircase, Silco moves to quietly follow you, curious of your movements. He’d never seen you before.. and you certainly didn’t look like you were from the Undercity. Tripping over debris every now and then, Silco can see the lightness in your movements. You weren’t wary or cautious. Simply exploring like a child would. Once you reach the next floor you see the remnants of old furniture, crouching down and looking at what he would consider trash. He watches with curiosity as you pick up a small item you see on the floor, smiling to yourself as you slip it into your pocket.

Making your way through the run down building, you find a rickety staircase that leads onto the roof. Stepping onto it hesitantly, Silco stays back and watches as you flinch when it creaks and shakes under your weight. Standing still for a moment, you take a breath before heading up the stairs and reaching the roof. Silco hums with amusement as he watches your actions, deciding he might as well follow. He found you intriguing after all. As you settle onto the roof, setting your bag down he slowly follows. But when he hears a sharp creak in the metal, a gasp slips past his lips as he reaches for the roof, the rusted metal staircase starting to collapse.

He saw his life before his eyes- as much as he hated to admit it. The thought of dying to a staircase was embarrassing for a man like him. As he clawed at the wood of the roof, he suddenly felt two hands on one of his arms, and he looked up to see you. The soft face looking back at him, faced riddled with worry.

“Shit- hold on” you say quickly as you tug on him as hard as you can, moving onto your stomach so you can hook your arms under his shoulders, getting a better grip. With a gasp from your lips, he holds onto you out of instinct as he kicks his foot up, using it to push the both of you onto the roof.

When he manages to get onto the roof completely, you roll onto your back, pulling him with you. The both of you breathing heavily, he finds himself in your arms, still holding him. “You okay?” You say softly against his ear before you gently remove your arms from his upper body, leaving him to sit straddled over your hips.

He puts a hand next to your head, using it to sit himself up with a shaky breath as he looks down at you, faces only inches apart. “Fine.” He mutters before he sits himself up further, resting against your hips and thighs. You sit yourself up slightly, hands resting by his knees as you gaze up at him.

“You sure?” You ask softly as your eyes trail over his face, not once flinching from his scars. He looks back at you with a hesitant glance, not used to anyone caring about his wellbeing.

He huffs and moves off of your lap, sitting next to you with a sigh. “I’ve faced worse” he murmurs as he slicks his hair back with his hand.

Sitting up fully, you gently scoot over to be closer to him. You glance over his form, taking in his presence. Fairly tall and slender, but still.. solid. “I’m glad you’re okay.” You say faintly, much to his surprise. He looks over at you, harsh eyes trailing over your form.

“You’re an odd little thing.” He mutters as he looks you over. “And just what were you coming up here for? The scenic view?” He scoffs.

“I’ve just.. never been up here before” you say softly.

“And you got curious?” He muses as he runs his fingers through his hair before standing up and adjusting his not ruffled clothing.

“Mhm” you hum as you stand up with him. Before you can say anything else, a rotted piece of wood breaks under your feet, making you trip forward, grabbing onto him for balance. The force knocks him backwards, making him land on his arse with a huff, you landing on your stomach in his hold. “Christ-“ you gasp when you hit his form and the wood. Gathering yourself for a moment, you look up and meet his sharp gaze. “We have to stop falling into each other like this” you huff with a faint laugh as you sit up slightly, but still leaning over him as you catch your breath.

He sighs when he looks down at you, seeing just how.. soft you truly are. Gentle eyes and a kind smile.. nothing like what he was used to. As you look up at him, your smile widens slightly.

“Hm.. do you have heterochromia? Where your eyes are two different colors?” You question innocently as you sit back and look at him. “They’re really pretty”

He freezes when he hears your words. Pretty. Pretty? Has he ever been called pretty? No. That’s something he would remember. If half of his face wasn’t so scarred it would probably be apparent that he was blushing slightly. Glancing over your facial features, he can’t help but find you amusing. You clearly didn’t know who he was.

“Something like that.” He replies quietly before looking downcast. If only he didn’t have a massive story behind his face. Maybe things would be easier.

Reaching into your bag, you pull out a small brown paper bag and offer it to him. “Are you from the Undercity?” You ask softly. “I don’t think I’ve seen you in Piltover before..”

His eyebrows raise when you offer him the small paper bag, but he begrudgingly takes it, opening it and finding.. cookies. Homemade cookies. He pauses as he thinks about what he’s doing. Sitting on a roof with some topsider idiot trying to make conversation. He should be working towards his dream of Zaun right now. But.. a part of him wanted to stay put. He hated to admit it. But he’s missed being treated like a normal person. And not like a crime lord. Grabbing a cookie with a sigh, he sets the bag down and looks over at you. “Yes, I am. It’s clear you’re from topside..” he mutters as he takes a bite of the cookie.

A small smile quirks at the corner of your lips when you see him take the cookie and take a bite. “My mom made those” you say softly. “Do you like them?”

He huffs a little when he hears you mention your mother. God, how old were you? You seemed in your twenties, maybe.. but there was an innocence about you. The world hadn’t ruined you. Not yet. “It’s.. fine.” He says quietly as he eats the rest of the cookie. He had to stay stoic like always- but in reality he couldn’t remember the last time he had something sweet. It was.. nice. Almost too nice. Sweet enough to give him a toothache. “My compliments to your mother.” He adds faintly.

Your smile widens a bit and you chuckle. “I’ll tell her you said that.” You look at the bag for a moment before gently pushing it towards him. “If you have any friends you want to share with- you can have them. I can always get more.”

God, how innocent could you get? Friends? Him having friends? He almost laughed at the thought. “You truly have no idea who I am?” He questions as he looks up, his gaze meeting your own.

When his eyes meet your own, your heart stutters a little. His gaze was sharp and piercing, nothing like you were used to. In Piltover it was all ‘make sure you maintain polite eye contact- staring is rude,’ but he clearly didn’t follow any stupid rules like you had to. “I’m sorry” you murmur, looking downcast before you look back up at him and offer him your hand. “I suppose I should’ve asked sooner. I’ve been terribly rude.” You could practically feel your mothers words flowing through you- ever forced polite response you ever had to give, rushing back on autopilot. “I’m Y/N, of house L/N.”

His eyebrow quirks when he sees how.. formal you are. He stares at your hand for a moment before sighing and shaking your hand. “Silco.” He says simply before retracting his hand. “And just what does your family do? You seem awfully.. well trained.”

You could help but snort at his words. Well trained? That was a new one. But in reality, it made sense. To society you were nothing more than a dog that knows how to behave. “We’re in the mining industry.” You say with a small smile. “My father manufactures a lot of the machinery that the miners use.”

He hums when he hears your words. Mining? He knew quite a lot about that. Having worked in the mines in his youth.. it’s not something he would go back to willingly. “I take it you don’t work in the mines.” He muses.

“Afraid not.” You hum. “I was attending University.. but I needed a break.”

He scoffs at that, rolling his eyes before he moves to stand up. “There is no time for breaks if you truly wish to accomplish something.” He chastises. “Surely your father has taught you that.”

“I’ve learned not to push myself.” You murmur as you lay back on the roof, gazing up at the sky.

“We aren’t alive just to lie around and relax.” He scoffs as he moves to crouch next to you, his knee by your head as he looks down at you. “You think I got to where I am by taking breaks? By not pushing myself?”

A few moments of silence pass before you sit up, tilting your head up so that your eyes meet his. “And yet.. I don’t even know who you are.”

Before you know it, you feel his hand on your chin, squeezing your cheeks slightly as he lifts your face closer to his. “I’ll have you know, boy.” He whispers dangerously. “I control the Undercity. And everyone in it. So choose your next words wisely.” He seethes as he glares down at you.

A few more beats of quiet- the only noise the occasional creaking of the roof. He watches as your eyes soften, face becoming more relaxed in his hold. Anyone else would’ve been terrified.. but here you were. Gazing up at him.

“Would you like to come home for dinner tomorrow night?”

His eyebrows shoot up in surprise. “Pardon?” He questions as he lets go of your face, but not pulling away.

You reach up to rub your chin a little, looking up at him. “Well.. you’re in charge of the Undercity.” You say softly. “And tomorrow we’re hosting a dinner party with other important people.” You murmur. “Would you want to come?”

He stares down at you for a few moments, the cogs turning in his brain. What was this boy’s agenda? He didn’t even know him. But.. the thought appealed to him. Slightly. Being invited to a dinner party in Piltover that is filled with rich bureaucrats, your parents certainly not approving of your choice for a plus one.

“What.. a kind offer.” He says with a small smirk as he stands up, offering his hand to you. Befriending a young aristocrat of Piltover. That could be very helpful with his plans. A little pawn all to himself. “I think it would be rude of me to reject it.”

Reaching up to take his hand, he helps you up as you look at him with a smile on your lips. “I promise it’ll be worth it.” You say sweetly.

He chuckles, slipping his hands into his pockets and looking off into the distance over Piltover. “Oh, I’m sure it will be.”

Your parents were certainly happy when you told them you’d be bringing a plus one. While you were sociable, you haven’t exactly been considered for any marriage unions yet with other young aristocrats- much to your parents dismay. You weren’t exactly the typical marriage candidate anyways. You didn’t have much of an interest in business or politics. You’d much rather do things you enjoy.

While you may seem innocent, you weren’t truly that ditsy. You knew your parents wouldn’t like the person you brought to dinner, but a part of you wanted the discourse. To show your parents you could be doing much worse than you are. But you have been well behaved your whole life, and you’re not doing drugs in a ditch somewhere in the Undercity.

Your mind had a knack for making things seem.. less complicated than they were. Call it a coping mechanism. You didn’t see a scenario where your parents would be incredibly upset that you brought home a man like him. Surely they would be welcoming to someone who has power. That’s what your brain told you, at least. You were sweet and innocent to everyone around you because your brain dumbed things down for you on the daily. Without that? You’d be a walking ball of anxiety. It’s better this way, being the silly little child of an aristocrat who could see the good in everyone.

You had agreed to meet Silco at the main bridge between Piltover and Zaun. When he walks through the evening fog, you smile at him. He was wearing a red button down with nice pants, probably some of the best clothes he had- while you were wearing a white button down with black pants. “You clean up nice.” You chuckle as he walks up to you.

“I try” he muses with a smirk as the two of you set off to your parent’s estate.

As the two of you walked, you can’t help but feel your chest tighten. Were you really about to bring a probably dangerous stranger into your parents home?

“What are you playing at, hm?” Silco hums, making you turn your head to look up at him. When he sees the look on your face, he chuckles. “I know this isn’t just a sweet little invitation. You have a motive.”

A sigh slips past your lips as you both mosey through the foggy streets of Piltover. “I needed a plus one.” You murmur.

“I don’t think I’m the kind of man you bring home to meet your parents.” He muses as he looks down at you.

You huff, rubbing the back of your neck. “Fine- fine.” You sigh. “My parents.. need me to get engaged. And I’m not very fond of the idea. So, I thought if I brought home..” you trail off quietly.

“An Undercity rat like me?” He huffs with a chuckle. “They’d realize they’d rather you single than with me? So if we broke up they’d be grateful?”

A groan slips past your lips as you reach up to rub your face. “Something like that.” You sigh. “Do you mind?”

He laughs faintly at your question. “Do I mind pretending to be the fiancé of a pretty little aristocrat?” He muses. “Not at all. Besides.. I’d rather be here than smoking a cigar in my office like every other night.”

The introduction to your parents was.. interesting.

“Mother, Father!” You say sweetly when you see your parents in the large foyer. They smile sweetly and walk up to you, both of their smiles faltering when they see Silco. “I wanted you to meet someone” you practically beam up at them.

Silco glances down and sees the look on your face, a smirk forming on his lips. You were quite the actor.. it was convincing. He looks at your parents and smirks a little wider at how they try to hold their smiles steady. He knew that look- the disapproving gaze as they examine his facial scars, and his inadequate outfit. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” He says lightly as he looks between the two of them.

“This is Mr. Silco- my fiancé!” You grin.

Seeing your parents worlds shatter before their eyes was quite funny. Even Silco had to admit that.

“Your- your fiancé?” Your mother asks quickly, trying to keep up her sweet act and temperament.

“Surprising, I know.” Silco chuckles. “I will admit, we did rush into it a little. But we both know we could die tomorrow. Why not celebrate our love today?” He smiles at your parents.

Christ, you thought to yourself. He was quite the actor. Even you would’ve believed that.

“Silco, you said?” Your father asks as he reaches out his hand to Silco. “It’s.. a pleasure.” He murmurs hesitantly.

“Let’s introduce you to some of the business partners” you say sweetly to Silco as you pull on his arm, dragging him with you throughout the large ball room area.

The night went on, introducing Silco to whoever you could, the cringe on your parents faces truly satisfying. Maybe two hours later Silco has made a name for himself, managing to keep up with conversation better than anyone expected. He may be from the Undercity, but he was quick of tongue. Eventually you manage to pull him along with you into an empty library with only a fire burning for light. As you close the door, you sigh contentedly.

“You’re better at this than I expected” you chuckle as you lean against the door.

“In my youth I certainly did talk my way through a few.. obstacles” he smirks as he sips on the glass of champagne he had in his hand. “I never did ask..” he murmurs as he walks to look around the room, glancing at the books on the shelves. “You don’t want to marry?”

A sigh slips past your lips as you walk into the room, sitting on a chair next to the fire. “I’m not the marriage type.” You mutter.

“That much is clear.” He smirks as he sets his glass down, walking over and resting his hands on the arms of your chair, leaning down so his face wasn’t far from your own. “You aren’t quite like the rest of them, hm? No crave for greed.. no desires that need to be sated. Am I right?”

Your eyes meet his for a moment before you lean back in the chair, your eyes shifting to the fire. “Right.” You murmur.

He gently cups your chin, pulling your gaze back to his own. “Such a little thing, you are.” He murmurs as his eyes trace over you. “I see why your parents keep you on a short leash.” He smirks.

“Yeah, well” you sigh. “They want to hand the leash off to someone else. Preferably a young aristocrat.”

“What if I said I could make all of your problems.. go away?” Silco’s voice questions quietly as he pulls your chin closer to his own.

“What do you mean?” You whisper faintly as you gaze up at him.

“What if I took a hold of your leash? Instead of some stupid boy who won’t know what to do with you..” he muses.

You scoff at his words, pushing him off of you and standing up. “I’m not going to be pawned off like an object” you say firmly as you turn your back to him.

He sighs, walking up behind you and speaking near the shell of your ear. “Little one.. you’ll be pawned off either way. Would you rather go to someone who will allow you freedom? Or a stranger?” He questions faintly.

A shaky breath slips past your lips as you process his words. “This is crazy.” You say faintly as you run your fingers through your hair.

“There, there” he coos in your ear. “Think of it this way.. you met a nice man, and invited him to a party. He helped you by pretending to be your fiancé.. and now you return the favor.” He says as he turns you around so you’re facing him again. “It’s truly not that complicated.”

“Favor?” You question. “What could I possibly do for you?”

“I already control Zaun.” He explains as he cups your chin. “It is in my best interest that I have ties to Piltover as well. Ties.. that cannot be broken. Such as a marriage.”

OKAY GUYSSS this is officially the longest thing I’ve written!! Merry late Christmas🥱

[floral-cavern]

So.. Sarcastic Chorus has retired from doing Helluvaverse content. This is a huge blow to the series. If you somehow don’t know, Sarcastic Chorus is the Helluvaverse YouTuber. He’s done so many analysis videos, it’s kind of part of his brand in the same way FNAF is associated with MatPat. The fact that Chorus left the shows is crazy, but, honestly, it’s just a testament to how bad this show has been getting.

This is the view count for the first three episodes for seasons 1 and 2

And if you think that’s bad, look at the difference between the season finales for each season

(I know technically Ozzie’s isn’t the season finale, but Queen Bee doesn’t count because of how long it took to come out)

People are tired of the show focusing on the wrong things. I seriously recommend Chorus’s video, it has so many good points. And one point I really want to talk about is Stolas.

I talk a lot about the bad writing in the show in general and how I don’t like Stolas, but I just want to say, I don’t like him anymore. I used to really like his character.. but season 2 completely ruined him for me because they refuse to acknowledge that he has any flaws. Rather than tell “we know Stolitz has flaws on both sides of the relationship, both will work on that,” instead, it’s all just Blitzo. They’ve spent 3 whole episodes just shitting on Blitzo, when… where’s that same treatment for Stolas? Stolas is a classist, racist, rapist. But the show seems to just… forget this. They’re backpedaling so hard, I'm surprised they haven’t fallen off the bike.

I used to find Stolas an interesting character and I was so excited to see where they would take his flaws and mistakes. Like, think about it. Stolas is completely naive, having been sheltered his whole life. The only concept for genuine intimacy he has comes from erotica. Of course he’s going to have a skewed idea of what sex is like when the only sex he’s ever had is with Stella, who, and I quote, “just lays there staring at the wall” where Stella has to do all the work. Ya… that is fucked and a form of sexual abuse, just like what Stolas does to Blitzo. So, I was interested to see where they would take this cycle of abuse that Stolas is so accustomed to and how they were going to have him break it. How was Stolas going to learn his idea of intimacy is wrong?

Well… he doesn’t. Not really. He does realize this transaction is wrong, but, when he tells this all to Blitzo and when Blitzo doesn’t have the reaction he wants, Stolas throws a fucking tantrum. He walks away and refuses to let Blitzo speak, he denies having ever done anything wrong, says that Blitzo was the one who always makes things about sex when that is NOT TRUE. And the worst part? The show treats Stolas like he’s right. They never do anything to show us that Stolas is a hypocrite, instead, like I said earlier, only punishing Blitzo. And don’t even pull the “he was banished” card! Stolas was not being punished for being a neglectful father, or for being an abusive partner. He was being punished… for a heroic sacrifice. He was being banished because Andre doesn’t like him and everyone is mean to Stolas so we have to feel so bad for him, guys!

I just… I started to have my doubts for the show around Full Moon, but I wanted to stick with the show. I liked Apology Tour, but did find it a bit weird that Stolas was being woobied, but I just assumed it was because the next episode, Stolas would be the one receiving the punishing. But the next episode.. WAS ANOTHER HATE ON BLITZO EPISODE. So I told myself, boy I told myself, that the next episode will be focusing on Stolas’s flaws, on Stolas’s part on why this relationship didn’t work. AND THEY DIDN’T FUCKING DO THAT STILL. In fact, Mastermind was just full of Stolas unnecessarily insulting Blitzo, calling him an idiot and whatnot. Like.. GIVE THIS GUY A BREAK, HOLY FUCK. WE GET IT.

This show has gotten so fucking infuriating. Good on Chorus for leaving. Me, personally? I’m going to keep watching, out of curiosity and because I hate myself, but if the show gets anymore infuriating, I may just leave. Because this show is so non-self aware with its black and white writing while it tries so damn hard to have a moral high horse.

So, actually, no. Not ‘fuck Stolas’. Fuck the writers for being so blind to the kinds of behaviors they are endorsing and encouraging with him.

[yuurei20]

Summarized transcript of the Twisted Radio episode with Heartslabyul (minus Trey) voice actors!! 🥳 (all is just paraphrased, not direct quotes, and Book 7 spoilers removed!)

Highlights ・A lot of industry talk!

Last week’s opening talk that was set was “How do you want to spend New Years?”

🌹 I will have finished work by the 27th so I will be relaxing and listening to this show at home. 

♠️ Are you sure? You’re really going to listen at home?

❤️ Listen with your whole family.

🌹Yes, I will have my kids listen to it, too.

♠️ I’m going to contact you on the 27th. “🌹-san, are you listening?”

🌹 Reads a fan letter: they are being asked about things the cast learned when they first became voice actors.

♠️ Says he never went to a technical school or training school or anything so he just learned on the job. He said he learned that new hires are expected to sit near the door to open and close it for others. He didn’t know this at first and would sit in the middle or the back and other new people would tell him that he needed to be near the door. 

♦️ says he also never had any formal schooling/training and he learned by watching everyone around him, which is how he learned the shorthand that is used in the industry, and everyone talks about how shorthand can vary by person.

❤️ starts talking about an unnamed project that he did with 🌹 (they can’t say what it is). ❤️ says his character used a sword and he became interested in it and went to a trial lesson. What he learned is that that skill is not only about strength. And also the swords are very heavy.

🌹says when he debuted he was given a rehearsal video to watch on VHS instead of DVD, but he didn’t have a VCR so he had to go buy one from a recycle shop specifically to watch the total of two VHSs he would be given before his agency shifted to DVDs.

Next section:

About Riddle

🌹 He can’t speak too kindly or it departs from Riddle’s character. He’s been doing this for 5 years now and he likes everyone, but that much time hasn’t passed in the game yet. So he will be directed to be less kind. He feels that his voice has changed, too, since it has been so long, getting deeper, so the director will ask him to sound younger.

There are also what he calls the “system voices” which are maybe voice lines? He says that since they have to be accessible to everyone no matter what point it is that they start playing the game, he has to record them as how Riddle was at the start of the main story, and how strict he was. He says he has been watching Alice in Wonderland a lot in order to properly portray the angry queen. 

About Ace

❤️ He says that like 🌹 new challenges have been appearing over the past five years. There is also the change in Ace from thinking that he was better than Deuce but then Deuce got his UM first. ❤️ Ace doesn’t know his UM, and ❤️ himself is looking forward to it. He says he really doesn’t have any idea what it is going to be, he hasn’t been told.

♠️ says that fans will often comment on how well ❤️ is able to mimic other voice actors. He asks how ❤️ himself is at imitating people and ❤️ says he’s bad at it.

🌹 says that maybe ❤️ being so good at it is why Ace has been imitating people so much in the game. ♠️ says that if ❤️ was bad at it then they might have started asking him to do it less.

About Deuce

♠️ references how all of Heartslabyul recorded together for Book 1 which never happens for mobile games, and he had never recorded with that many voice actors in the same place for a game before. It was the very start of his career so he was grateful, and now they all record alone.

They talk about Deuce’s struggles in Book 5. ❤️ says he is empathizes a lot with Deuce, so he adapted his line readings in order to be really annoying. 

Now they are talking about Book 7 things, redacted for spoilers 💦

About Cater

♦️ says that Cater hasn’t really changed that much from Book 1, unlike other characters. He is always showing the same mood, with only occasional whispers of his true feelings. He is still treating everyone the same way he always has, and ♦️ 's portrayal hasn’t really changed either.

♦️ says that when he is going through a script he will ask the staff, “…but what is really going on?” beyond the words that he has been given to read. 

More Book 7 things, redacted for spoilers.

About Trey

♣️ isn’t here in person because of scheduling conflicts but he provided a comment to read on air! His comment is on the impression he gets from Trey: a dependable and kind senpai, if you have been brushing your teeth properly. He can seem mature beyond his years because of his supportive role in the dorm, and you can sense the mental strain he is under sometimes. At first glance he can appear untrustworthy but he doesn’t seem to have hidden intentions behind his words, so do not worry.

❤️ talks about Trey in Book 1 and his childhood relationship with Riddle and 🌹 says that the scenes with Trey and Riddle towards the end might have turned out differently if they hadn’t been able to record together.

Comment from ♣️ on voicing Trey: he says he tries to portray Trey’s calmness but it is difficult to do so while simultaneously not making him sound older than 18. Part of Trey’s charm is how quick-witted he is, so he tries to suggest a hidden complexity through his line readings. He reiterates that there aren’t any actual bad intentions though.

♠️ comments on how, since the characters are villains, they all have villainous-looking expressions that they make sometimes, and Trey’s in particular looks very villainous. 

❤️ says it’s funny how ♣️ is actually the youngest voice cast member in Heartslabyul, but the character he is voicing is a calm and collected senpai.

❤️ shares another comment from ♣️ asking how much Trey expects people to brush their teeth before he will be satisfied.

❤️ wonders if Trey and Cater will be graduating and ♠️ says “no I will not let them”

About Main Story

Book 7 talk~

About In-Game Schedule

Lilia birthday, Sam’s New Year Sale, Malleus birthday, Main Story Content~

Twst Fes DVD on sale~

Anime is coming~

End!

[celestiamour]

Accept my Hyun-ju request and my life is yours 😩🛐 (/lh you totally don't have to accept it if you don't want to <33)

BUT. The part where Hyun-ju is about to leave to fight the masked guards. Throughout the games, fem!reader developed a crush on Hyun-ju and before she left to fight, reader decides to go for it and give her a goodbye/good luck kiss 🤭

I am SO obsessed with this queen omg

ft. cho hyun-ju x f! reader — squid game

╰₊✧ giving her a goodbye kiss before she leaves during the revolt┊0.8k words

setting: season 2, episode 7 contains: , angsty & open-ended, season 2 spoilers, canon-typical gun violence! love confessions, reader is sapphic obviously, mentioned homophobia/transphobic in conservative korea

➤ author's note: i’m so glad to see so many requests for this queen, i’m also obsessed

“goddamn it, where the fuck is dae-ho?!” you could barely even hear yourself over the sounds of shots being fired on both sides, hiding behind the pink walls which were steadily being painted red with the blood of your companions. 

the younger marine had left at some point to gather more magazines from the pockets of the deceased guards back at the barracks, but he was currently nowhere to be seen and the situation was becoming more dire by the second. although you had been conservative with your bullets to focus on accurate hits that would kill them on the spot, there were only a handful left at the moment and some of the other men were completely out. 

over all the ruckus, you could hear hyun-ju yelling into the walkie-talkie trying to get a hold of him, but he was nowhere to be seen or heard so she roughly shoved it into her tracksuit pocket and began to shout, “something must have happened! i’ll go down and check!”

“wait, let me come with you! it’s too dangerous to go alone!” you tried to get up from your position but was stopped when an oncoming bullet managed to graze your face, making you shriek in surprise as a shaky hand lightly brushed at the wound and found your fingers now smeared with blood. 

“it’s even more dangerous for you to move from your spot! i’ll be okay, i promise!”

her determination was awe-inspiring, yet your heart sank at the realization this might be your last time seeing her face. your affections toward her were unexpected even though you already knew you loved differently than most people did, something you both bonded over when being a part of the lgbtq+ community was still a taboo topic socially, but you found her to be beautiful inside and out with her caring personality and resilience in times of danger even though you were too scared of ruining your special friendship to admit it. you had no idea it was possible to become so attached to another in the span of less than a week, being so surprised at the realization you stayed up for hours when others were asleep to take it in. the only other person who knew about your feelings for her was young-mi, and she was…

suddenly hyun-ju was next to you wiping away the sole tear about to drip down the corner of your eye, holding on to you with a worried look on her face, “are you okay? i thought you went into shock for a second.”

god, you didn’t even notice with the battle going on around you sounding almost muffled with the two of you feeling like the only souls for miles around. everyone here insisted you should stay behind on account of being a woman even though you believed you had proven yourself to be tougher than most throughout the games, but she had faith that you could fight just as fiercely as a man and defended you each time they said you should turn back. (as annoying as it was, you don’t blame them since they were only looking out for you.)

you stared back at her for a second, blinking away thoughts of the past to focus on the present, the knowledge of this possibly being your last interaction with her once again coming to the forefront of your mind. taking in a deep breath, you decided “fuck it” with closed eyes and pulled her towards you for your first and possibly last kiss.

her eyes remained wide open in shock, trying to process the sudden action. it lasted for a few seconds but felt like an entire minute, feeling your soft lips against hers as she reciprocated the kiss and feeling her heart jump for joy. the earth seemed to stop spinning for those few moments until a voice called out to interrupt. “hey lovebirds! we’re kind of in the middle of something here!”

you finally parted with her, gazing deeply into her eyes and noting her blown-out pupils. “come back safe, and when we get out of here, we’re going to pay for your surgeries and move to thailand together, and i…” you closed your eyes again, taking a deep breath to muster up the bravery to utter the words you might never be able to say again, “i love you.”

now it was her turn to stare at you. you loved her? loved her as she is? she can’t remember the last time she heard those words after getting essentially disowned by her family. she always knew, deep down, she shared the same feelings for you, but was too scared she would end up alone again as she has been for so long so chose to push them down out of fear of rejection. yet when you’re by her side like this in the face of certain death, she feels courage. “i love you too. we’re going to get out of this together,” her confident voice made it sound like she was an oracle who already foretold your happiness in the future, “but first, you guys are going to have to cover for me.”

“don’t worry, i got your back!”

[thewistlingbadger]

Also I feel like it's important to remember that Silco didn't plan to be a parent and probably never wanted to be one before jinx. He has no idea what he's doing and probably doesn't have a good father figure in his life, if he had a father figure at all. Silco has mental illness like Jinx. Not her same exact type but he's clearly not mentally healthy. He's severely traumatized and he lacks the skills to handle or process that trauma. All the advice he gives Jinx is just what he's been doing all this time, and that's why it's unhelpful and doesn't work.

Jason Spisak, Silco's voice actor, once said in an interview that Silco was a good dad but he wasn't a good role model, and I think that's a really good way to put it. Kids often look up to their parents and try to copy them in some way. Silco is DEFINITELY not someone you want others to mimic. He's cold and ruthless and lacks empathy for others. Jinx definitely does copy some stuff from him, most noticeably in my opinion facial expressions and certain methods of intimidation and violence. For some parents, having children makes them better people because it changes their perspective. Having Jinx as a daughter did NOT make Silco a better person, and only changed his perspective slightly. Their relationship lacks boundaries on both of their ends and it is an unhealthy, codependent relationship. But that doesn't mean there aren't good things about their relationship. Their relationship is so controversial because the people examining them have different perspectives when they look at these two. For some people, they'd give anything to have a father as loving and as understanding as Silco because they know what it's like to not have a father who's like that. Some people do have good fathers and because they do, they can see the flaws in Silco. Some people have bad fathers and that's why they see the flaws in Silco too. Honestly, it's just a decision of how much you can and cannot let slide, what matters most to you when it comes to parent/child relationships. I think Silco and Jinx have a really special relationship because they're the only people in the whole world that can fully understand each other, and to me that's awesome. The fact that they completely get their counterpart is what makes their relationship so healing for both of them. Silco and Jinx validate each other as much as they hurt each other. For some people that are used to messy relationships like that, where the fault lines are blurry, they're okay with their relationship. But some people see the lines more clearly, and that makes them against them.

if we define “good dad” by genuinely wanting what’s best for your kid, loving and caring for them unconditionally, being patient with them, making them feel valued, giving them the space to express themselves, encouraging their talents, and genuinely trying your best and doing what you think is best for them, then Silco was a good dad.

But if we define “good dad” by actually being able to properly parent and discipline your child, ensuring they aren’t a danger to themselves and others, teaching them healthy life lessons so that they can grow, not projecting your own unresolved trauma onto your child in a codependent way, and being a good role model, then Silco was NOT a good dad.

[kix-mm]

A once cruel God. Pt.5

Previous - Next

Amber glanced nervously up at Victor, still unable to look at the young god properly without fear. He had been tasked with the impossible: helping Victor become a better person... whatever that meant. He didn't understand why now of all times he wanted to change as a being, was it to give the illusion of humanity? To lure the innocent people who didn't know any better into a false sense of security? To trick Amber into believing that he really wanted to change for the better just to have his way? Whatever it was, Amber was reluctant to let his guard down.

"Why?" Amber asked this time. If Victor really was trying to be as transparent as he claims, then surely he wouldn't get upset if Amber wanted to know why? He wondered how long Victors patients would last with his latest little game. "Why do you want to become a better person - a better being? Why do you suddenly care about what I think?"

Victors eyes widened a little, and he sat up straight. He had never seen Amber so determined to figure something out. He couldn't help but smile a little... Amber asked him a question, and that was good, right? Progress! It was just... the question he asked stumped him a little. "Well..." Victor began, but was a little lost for words. "I... you know my feelings for you run deep, and when you left I... I felt lonely, so I began studying the human language, so we could talk when you returned, but as I began understanding more... the worse I felt, I knew I was feared, but I never quite understood what it was until I began to try and collect the other humans I had released..." Victor stopped for a moment, biting his lip as tears began to form. He remembered everything, every little detail...

"Amber... I never meant to be a bad person, I had no idea that you felt pain, I never... nobody ever told me that what I did to you was so awful." he lays his forehead on the nightstand. "I don't expect you to forgive me, I don't deserve forgiveness for my ignorance, but I want... I want to repay you for everything I took, I know I can't, and I'm... so, so sorry... but let me at least try"

Amber listened, so he would have been brought back here regardless... he was a little surprised that Victor had studied the human language because he felt lonely, not ever even considering that Victor could feel that way because... well, it was Victor. But then came the tears, the apologies, the acknowledgment that he never even knew what he was doing to everyone, he was like a very young child playing with his toys, or at least mistaking the humans for such.

The way Victor was acting now felt too genuine. It even got Amber emotional, was... was this real? Was Victor truly apologizing and trying to become better because of his mistakes? Amber wanted to believe it was real. He wanted it to be the truth... but he was too afraid to believe him.

"Amber?" The human flinched, whiping away the tears the best he could. "y-yes, my lord?" Victor frowned, reaching over and cupping the human's cheek gently with his fingers. "I'm sorry, I never meant to make you cry... I can feel your doubts about my will to change, but I promise I'll do everything in my power to prove I will become better, please, lend me your faith, even if it's the final time, I need your strength"

Amber froze. Faith? Was this what it was all about? If he were to do so, he'd be going back on his own words, on his promise to himself that he'd never trust another deity with his faith again. "I-I'm sorry, Victor... I can't, I've made a promise, and I plan to stick by it." As he spoke, he braced for impact, expecting this to be the last straw... but at least he would have kept that promise he made to himself.

Victor felt his heart sink a little, knowing deep in his heart that this was justified and feeling disgusted with himself that there was a part of him that was... disappointed that Amber didn't want to rekindle old flames... how could he ever ask something like this after all this time? How arrogant must he be to dare ask the very person he hurt to give him his faith... I am a horrid being.

"Selfish..." Victor mumbled. Ambers curled tighter, whimpering, expecting his last moment to happen any second now, and Victor immediately caught on. "Ah- n-no Amber, not you, please, don't worry, I wasn't... talking about you." he wore the face of guilt, reaching over and cupping his hands around the human but being careful not to lift or cover him. "I'm sorry, I was the one being selfish for asking you that question, I'm not upset at you in the slightest - oh, please stop trembling... it's alright"

Amber remained in his position, his hand over his head as the rest of him tried to curl up as tight as possible. Until he decided to peek up at Victor, who had... vanished? Amber sat up, and right in front of him was a human sized Victor, well- a little tall for a human, but one nonetheless.

Victor gave a sheepish smile. "I thought... you might be a little less afraid if I was smaller... do.. do I look alright?" Amber stared at Victor. He hadn't shrunk down in ages. The last time he saw Victor like this, the two were still children, and it resulted in Amber needing stitches because Victor tried ripping out his organs to eat...

"Y-yeah I just... I'm not used to seeing you so..." small? Easy to see? Not to mention that I forgot that gods don't usually wear clothes... and Victor now suddenly felt so much closer. He suddenly realized Victor was pressing his bare body against Ambers for a hug. It was a kind gesture, but one that Amber wasn't all too comfortable with was this just so Victor could touch Amber, or was this... genuine?

[blueepink07]

My interpretation of Diana's character

(spoilers for chapter 1 and fte!!)

I find it interesting how many people believed that Diana is the mastermind, when the prologue released, and still believe that she is hiding something, especially since we see the events from Damon's perspective. And for me it's really odd, because I feel like Diana doesn't act with other ill-mannered intentions in mind, but out of consideration for others. So much so that I think that she has become a people pleaser. 

Starting with her animal motif, the chameleon, everyone knows it for its ability to change its appearance as a form of protection, in order to survive. Many people tied the chameleon with her ultimate talent, because as the ultimate cosmetologist she can change others and her appearance with make-up. But I think it goes further than this. Her personality is rather unpredictable. Of course, she is usually bubbly, and very talkative, however, it seems she cares a lot about what others think of her. 

At the end of chapter 1, after the trial, the conversation she has with Eva, highlights some interesting details about her character as a whole. She wanted to make both Wolfgang and Eva happy. However, these two had contrasting beliefs, two sides of the same coin. She was forced to choose between two different points of views… But she wasn't able to. So she tried to support both of them, the best she could.

In the end, this choice led Eva to not trust Diana's kindness at all, because she knew Diana was never fully on her side. She would still agree to what Wolfgang said, which implied going against her. What comes next is more concerning, however. And I’m not talking about the fact that Diana might become the antagonist in the future chapter, but strictly about what it will become of her character. To throw away your sense of self so easily and to state that you will live to fulfill somebody else's wish, that she will change to become more like Wolfgang and continue on his footsteps…

And then, I've completed her two fte's and realised that her decision to continue Wolfgang's legacy makes sense. Damon, in the second fte, asks her why she never told anything about herself, but insisted for him to open up more. From Damon's perspective, of course he finds her behavior suspicious, because considering the context and the fact that they are in a killing game, Diana is at advantage, not sharing information about herself.

So I've decided to look again at Diana's first fte and this part was truly interesting. 

She asks if Damon wants her to become his follower. The report card summarizes the conversation by stating that Diana asked Damon what he wanted her to be.

Considering all these aspects, I have reached the conclusion that Diana doesn't really have a "sense of self". She is always seen changing the way she behaves in order to please the person she has a conversation with or is seen asking how she can improve in order to meet the expectations. The reason why she even went to the boiler room was also because she didn't want to disappoint Wolfgang. Diana's always thinking about how others perceive her, so much so that, with time, it seems she has lost her sense of self.

That’s why, the moment when Damon wants Diana to talk about herself, she is restless. Diana has no idea what to say. The only thing we learn about her is the fact that her family is nice and supportive and she never had to worry about money. But she didn't continue on with the conversation, because she felt like she was bragging.

Moreover, she always seems to see the good in people, but is harsher on herself.

Despite Eva being the culprit, Diana considers that it is solely her fault for not saving both her and Wolfgang. Even after the way Eva treated her, she can't see her as a bad person. Diana acknowledges that nothing will ever be the same, but is still standing strong, wishing that her actions will give hope to others. She hasn't just  covered the wound that she received from Wolfgang, but, indirectly, also her trauma and her negative thoughts about herself by stating that she will change, in order for others to not suffer anymore. 

Maybe I'm just biased, but I can't see Diana having any bad intentions. She is just a 17 year old, who experienced something very traumatic, and is trying her best to help the people around her by putting her own needs aside, changing the way she behaves so the others can feel comfortable around her. 

[pomefioredove]

Hiii!!! May I order a Sugar cookie, #19 with candy cane & chocolate drizzle please? Thanks!

Happy Holidays!🎄

hi all,, sorry I haven't been writing much lately, I've been kept busy at home + working on person projects (˶˃⤙˂˶) hope this makes up for it

order #19, sugar with candy cane and chocolate drizzle

*ੈ✩‧₊˚ a matching set

tropes: exes to friends to lovers characters: riddle additional info: romantic, gender neutral reader, reader is not specified to be yuu, not proofread, riddle is going to kill all of them except for reader after this dw

It wasn't really, actually, truly his fault.

You knew that, even though Riddle hadn't given you a definitive reason for breaking up; he hadn't really given you a reason at all. He was uncharacteristically anxious.

...Checking the time, avoiding your eyes, fidgeting with the sleeve of his dorm uniform, babbling something about his schedule and his studies and how irresponsible and careless it was for him to date...

He didn't say it was his mother, but you knew.

Since then, you had been trying and failing to get him to talk about it.

Or talk to you at all.

It had been two months already, and you hadn't seen him even once. He'd blocked your number, unofficially banned you from Heartslabyul, and kept hiding behind Trey or Ace or whoever was taller (which, for him, is most people) when you walked by.

You had almost lost hope.

"Hurry up!" Ace shouts, "What part of emergency don't you get?!"

"I'm coming!" you wheeze. You'd been dragged all the way across campus to Heartslabyul by the plucky first year.

"Wh-what's wrong, again?"

Ace scoffs. "It's just an emergency, okay? And if we don't fix it, we're gonna be in ankle-deep sh-"

"There you are!"

Without a word of warning, Deuce grabs your other wrist and drags you inside the dorm with Ace.

"We've been waiting!"

Waiting? you think, and then there's a hand on your shoulder.

"Good, you found them," Trey says to the first years. "Cater's waiting in the kitchen."

The kitchen? "What's going-"

"Hey, hun!" there's that familiar smile and a hand on your lower back.

You're surrounded now, hands all over you, almost as if you're being restrained or something-

"Quickly, he is not happy!" Cater chimes, dragging you into the kitchen with the other three.

You look between them. "He. He? Oh, no-"

And, suddenly, you're alone again. The pantry door slams shut behind you, and something clicks.

You try the doorknob. It's locked. "Guys?"

"This is for everyone's good!" Ace shouts. You can't see his face, but you know the exact look on it.

"He's been a royal pain ever since you broke up!"

He. You turn from the door, and there, simmering in the corner with his arms crossed and brow knotted, is your ex-boyfriend.

"Hello," Riddle says. "This was not my idea."

You blink. "...Yeah, thought so. What's going on?"

"We're not letting either of you out until you work through your drama," Cater says from behind the door.

You grimace.

"My thoughts exactly," Riddle murmurs. "Don't ask me to take down the door. Damaging school property is abhorrent, and this would violate rule number 234-"

"-In argument with a wife, or spouse, one must take to the law, stand on his head, or somersault to a door," Trey finishes. "We took some liberties with that one. Ace's idea."

"I've taught them too well," Riddle sighs.

You sit beside him in the corner.

"Well, I don't know about you, but I'm no good at somersaults,"

Riddle is quiet. In the dark of the pantry, you could swear something like guilt passes over his face, but then he's looking ahead, towards the door.

The chatter of the four on the other side become whispers, and then nothing at all. The door remains locked and blocked by something heavy, but the people are gone.

You sigh. "Should we-"

"There's nothing to talk about,"

You stare. You wait.

"Is it about your-"

"I said," he interrupts, holding a finger to shush you. "Nothing"

And so, you wait.

And wait.

And wait...

He checks the time every so often. Thirty minutes, an hour, two hours, three.

No one comes. The silence is deafening, the dark is suffocating. This is the least fun you've had, ever.

Finally, you stand.

Riddle scoffs. "Don't tell me you intend to break down the door,"

"No," you say. "I'm sorting."

And you do. You begin to dust and sort the pantry in the way he taught you to, some time ago.

Riddle raises an eyebrow, and stands, to watch. He cradles his chin in his palm.

He says nothing.

After a few minutes, he begins doing the same, sorting the jars of tea leaves and baskets of fruit, checking for spoiled food, mumbling to himself.

"I count eight hundred and twelve sugar cubes, which is thirty-eight less than there should be at minimum capacity,"

"There's a surplus of flour,"

"Too much flour," he nods. "I'll have Trey do bake over the weekend, so it goes to good use."

"Ask him for something with cherries, there are lots of jars,"

"Good thinking,"

You smile, a little. "White tea would pair nicely with a cherry tart,"

He smiles back. "Yes, it would,"

The silence feels a little softer.

By the time the door opens, dusting you with moonlight from the forgotten outside, the entire pantry has been sorted to perfection.

"Seriously? Five hours in here and you clean?" Ace says.

Riddle scoffs as he leaves the dark confines of the pantry. "There was hardly anything else to do,"

He offers his hand to you, and you take it, letting him pull you into the moonlight.

"Did you at least talk things through?"

You and Riddle share a look.

"...Somewhat," he admits. "We... mostly spoke of the next unbirthday party."

Cater snaps a picture of the aesthetically pleasing pantry, and Ace rolls his eyes.

"You two are really a matching set, huh?"

Riddle looks at you, a small, almost mischievous smile on his lips.

It's a strange look on him, but a good one. You smile back.

"I suppose we are,"

[waitingandwishing]

(Cross posted on Wattpad)

Prev - Next Chapter

Y’know why my name is Y/N? It’s not. It’s technically a nickname… My real name is Isaac… And I know you’re probably thinking. ‘Why is she named Isaac? That’s a boy's name!’ And it is. Funny isn’t it?

I think my dad wanted me to be a boy. But then, I was a girl. And I remember he was so angry. ‘I have not been blessed with a son, but a daughter! How useless is that? What good could a daughter do to our family!?’

Sexist piece of shit. And then he died… Karma’s a bitch isn’t it? I always thought he died because of an explosion, I thought he died from an accident. But… I don’t think it was an accident.

I think I killed him. In an explosion I created… Maybe that was why I was so upset with Jinx. Because I killed her just like I killed him.

Was I born to be a mage? Born to possess something so beautiful yet dangerous? Born to curse everyone around me, even my own family? My mother, who wanted to see the world, died because of her grief. I wonder, even now, how could she mourn someone so horrible? 

Afterall, I killed him yet felt no remorse doing so because he deserved it. And I was upset how short his death was, how exploding him was the least painful way to die.

But then I was cast out to the Undercity, cast out from Topside. I met Vi, Powder, Claggor, Mylo, Vander, and… Viktor. Would it be selfish of me to say I still loved him? I loved him for a long time, never knowing if we would ever be together.

It was silly, I know. Viktor chose ambition over love and look where that got him, up in Piltover frolicking in a field. I chose differently. And that turned out well… A lost leg and a broken family. 

Mojí drahoušek… That’s what Viktor used to call me. I daydreamed about seeing him again, waking up with him, and teaching at the academy with him or maybe be a ballet teacher. 

The Undercity would be equal to Topside, the borders would no longer be there and we would all be called Piltover as one.

I would visit Powder and Vi in the Undercity on my days off, Vander and the rest of them would be alive and Silco would work at the bar with him. Their parents would be alive, my mother would live and my father would be a better person or still dead.

I wonder if there were alternate universes, that there are people amongst the stars that decided one universe got to be the good one.

It seems as though every time I leave, I choose the wrong choice, and it ends up worse. I shouldn’t have visited Viktor, I shouldn’t have trusted Silco. I should’ve done this, I should’ve done that. I always choose the wrong choice.

I’m selfish. The idea is selfish but… I can save her and Viktor. If magic can do anything, I can save them. I was born to be a liberator, born to be a savior, born to be a saint.

And this time I will be selfish in what I want to save.

_____________________________________________________

Y/N wasn’t sure why, but she could feel her left leg again. Even after it had been shattered in the explosion, blown apart, torn to pieces. Somehow, someway, her leg had healed. The sensations were strange, almost like it was never gone at all, as if it had been returned to her, whole and whole again. 

Maybe it was due to Singed’s shimmer, maybe it was because of her magic, or maybe, just maybe, it was both working in tandem, like a perfect storm. Either way, it was ugly. Gold speckles of energy marred the purple, distorted muscle beneath, veins like lightning coursing through it.

It wasn’t pretty, but it was hers, and it felt familiar in a way. New, yet something she had always known, some odd reflection of herself that had been hidden away.

But even with this strange miracle, Y/N wasn’t sure what she was doing anymore. She felt weightless, untethered, drifting as though her very existence was suspended in a dream. 

Yet, at the same time, she was filled with so much power and yet felt like she had none. 

There was so much energy, yet she felt so drained, so utterly exhausted, as though the very essence of her had been torn apart and remade, again and again, leaving her hollow in places no one could see. 

She wasn’t sure what this feeling was. All she knew was that it was overwhelming, and yet she couldn’t find a way to process it.

Y/N missed so many people. Her heart ached for them, and every inch of her wished she could go back, rewind time, take back every mistake. She missed Ekko, his eager face always ready to cheer her up and how he looked up to Vi and her like they were the only ones who could save him. 

She missed Vander, the father figure who had given her hugs she never got from her real father, those warm, safe embraces that made her feel like she was worth something. 

She missed Vi, her partner in crime, the only one who had ever understood her completely. She missed Claggor and Mylo too. They’d always made her laugh, even when she was seething with anger (no matter how much she wanted to punch Mylo in the face at times). 

And she missed Viktor.

What could she say about Viktor? She missed everything about him. The way he laughed, the warmth of his embrace, the hours they spent inventing and imagining new possibilities together. 

She hated herself for the kaleidoscope of colors that now stained her eyes, bleeding together and making her lose sight of that familiar, comforting dark blue. 

She hated that she was so different now, that she couldn’t even look at herself in the mirror without seeing someone else staring back. What was with the streak of black that had worked its way into her once-pure white hair? 

Why was she like this? Why did everything feel like it was slipping out of her control?

Maybe she was just born to be like this. Born to have so much love but no one left to give it to. So much emotion, yet none at all. It was a sick joke, wasn’t it? The world had given her everything, and yet, nothing at all.

Why did it hurt so much? Why did it feel like she was being torn in two, empty yet somehow overflowing with all the wrong things? What was the point of wanting more when she had already lost so much? What was the point of staying alive if she had no one to live for? 

What was the point of anything anymore?

Maybe she was being selfish. Maybe she was holding onto some fleeting hope. She still had things to do, still had to see Jinx and Vi one last time, still had to hold Viktor close, just once more, before she… Before she left them all behind. 

Maybe she needed to find something for herself in whatever darkness this world had become, or perhaps the next.

Maybe in another universe, she’d be different.

She blinked, pulled out of her thoughts as Silco’s voice pierced through the fog. “My dear,” He said, standing up slowly, his gloved fingers tilting Y/N’s face up so she could meet his eyes, “I believe that Singed has told you you can finally see her.”

Y/N nodded, standing up shakily, as if the very air around her was made of something heavier than it should be. She looked up, and that was when she saw it— her eyes, no longer the pale blue they used to be, were now a neon pink, glowing with a manic intensity. 

Veins crawled up her neck and arms like blackened rivers, pulsing with an unnatural energy. She widened her eyes, struggling to process what was happening to her, but the answer never came.

“Oh my god…” Y/N whimpered, her voice breaking as she placed her hand gently on Jinx’s body. “Jinx… What has he done to you?” Her words were barely a whisper, lost in the heavy, charged air.

Time itself seemed to freeze, and then it shattered, like glass breaking into a thousand pieces.

“Oh, Jinx…” Y/N’s voice cracked as her eyes filled with tears. “What happened…” Her hands trembled as the rings on her fingers crackled with electric energy, runes etched into her skin glowing with a fierce blue light. “I was supposed to protect you, why didn’t I protect you?”

“You’re not a jinx, but I’ll call you that if you want,” Y/N whispered through her tears, “And you’ll always be my Bluejay…” 

The words felt like a promise, even though she didn’t know if she could keep it.

“You’ll always be in my heart. And I know you’re going to be upset, angry, and sad about what I’m about to do. I know you won’t understand and I know I promised you but this is something I have to do.”

“Everyone says they’re sorry. But you’ll never know if they truly mean it.” Y/N paused. “Let me be the first to truly say it. I’m sorry for not being there for you when you needed me.”

“And I’m sorry for doing this.” She wiped away a tear, and then she vanished, as if she had never existed, her presence flickering like a dying flame. The air hummed, leaving only the faintest buzz behind, like the aftermath of something great and terrible that had passed.

_____________________________________________________

Was it selfish of her to want to say one last goodbye to Topside before she left this world? Undeniably, yes. Did she do it anyway? Without a second thought.

Because that was who Y/N was. A walking contradiction of selfishness and selflessness. How could someone who always seemed to put others first still be driven by such deeply personal desires? Perhaps that was the nature of love itself, a contradiction that was both a weakness and a strength.

She thought about Viktor as she moved through the city, her mind a storm of conflicting emotions. How could she love someone so deeply and yet hold resentment for the choices he had made? How could she adore the quiet brilliance of his mind while despising the ambition that had taken him away from her? 

It was infuriating, and yet… She still loved him. That was love, wasn’t it? A contradiction she could never quite resolve.

And it wasn’t the only one.

She hated blood and dirt, the stains they left, the weight they carried. Yet her hands were steeped in both. Blood she had spilled and dirt she had trudged through. She had become an expert in taking lives even as she hated the act itself. Another contradiction.

Then there was Vi, her dear friend and sister in arms. Vi loved Powder, that much was clear, but she hated Jinx. Or at least, she said she did. But how could you love one and hate the other when they were the same person, the barriers between them bleeding together until it wasn’t all black and white.

Wasn’t that the cruelest contradiction of all? 

Y/N thought about how Vi had left Jinx, claiming it was out of love, but hadn’t she also promised she never would? Love and betrayal, loyalty and abandonment, how could they exist side by side? It wasn’t just a contradiction; it was selfish.

And Y/N was no different.

As she flickered in and out of reality, phasing past the guards and the walls as though they weren’t even there, she felt the shimmer and arcane coursing through her veins. 

Somehow, they harmonized within her, turning her into something new, something unstable. She moved like a shadow, slipping between people unnoticed, her presence more a suggestion than a fact.

‘Is it so selfish when you’ve never had anything you’ve wanted before?’ A voice echoed in her mind, soft and serpentine, wrapping around her thoughts like a vine.

“No, it isn’t,” Y/N whispered, her lips barely moving. The glow reflected in her kaleidoscopic eyes, a strange smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. “Glorious evolution… It sounds so familiar… Yet so new. The end of the beginning.”

‘Yes…’ the voice replied, a note of satisfaction in its tone.

“Hm.” Y/N let out a soft chuckle, the sound almost foreign to her ears. “I’m glad you agree with me.” She tilted her head, her gaze lingering on the swirling energy. “But… There’s still one person I want to see. I haven’t kept many of my promises in this life. So I cannot promise that I will join you… But, thank you.”

The arcane pulsed as if in response, a silent acknowledgment, before she turned her attention to the window. 

Outside, the blood moon hung low in the sky, its crimson light casting an ominous glow over the city. The world felt on the brink of collapse, yet in this moment, it was eerily still. 

She didn’t know why she was here, there was no point when she’d be gone anyways. No point when she was going to die, but it gave her a sense of comfort. Her mom always wanted to be a councilwoman, helping not only Piltover but Zaun as well… 

“Viktor, my love…” Y/N whispered, her voice trembling as she stared into the night. Her fingers traced the glass as though trying to reach him through the distance that separated them. “How do you do it? How do you keep moving forward when everything is falling apart?”

She closed her eyes, letting the weight of her emotions wash over her. Her love for him, her hatred for the world, her frustration with herself. All of it swirled together in a storm that threatened to consume her. Yet, even in the chaos, there was a quiet.

Because no matter how selfish her actions might seem, they were born from a love so fierce that it defied everything. And that was a contradiction she was willing to embrace.

“Where are you going?” Powder tugged on Y/N’s shirt, her curious blue eyes glinting under the dim light.

“I’m going somewhere special.” Y/N looked up at the red sky. “Goodbye, Bluejay.”

taglist: @night-fall-moon @cyberwears @g0ul666 (If you'd like to be added tell me in the comments!!!)

[leighsartworks216]

Fine Arts

Rafayel x gn!graphic designer!Reader

This is the last one!!! THank goD!!

Warnings: pre-relationship, banter, bickering, if this was a full series it would be enemies to lovers

Word Count: 925

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This meeting, compared to the other clientele you've dealt with over your career, was going well. The manager was taking over discussions of appearance, providing wants and desires, styles and color palettes, while the real client was pouting and making snide remarks with very unhelpful feedback.

So, really well. At least the manager was actually listening to you.

"If you want the exhibition to feel high class, I'd recommend a script or serif font. Sans serifs can work sometimes, but they have different connotations." You write down a few notes to yourself in your sketchbook.

Rafayel scoffs. "Art shouldn't be limited to the elite. My works are for everyone to view, not just the people on top with the deepest pockets."

You offer him a placating smile. "I understand what you mean, Mr. Rafayel, but given the area the gallery is in and the fame of your works, it may be better to appeal to the elites that are more likely to come and spend their money." You tilt your head, adding, "Though, if you'd like to broaden your audience to appeal to the layman, I'd be happy to create a few versions from that angle."

Thomas sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose like he's had this conversation a thousand times before. Given his client, maybe he has. "It's a charity event, Rafayel. We want buyers who will spend a lot of money for your work to benefit the charity. Normal people aren't our audience here."

"The charity benefits 'normal people', doesn't it? Why are they suddenly being excluded out of this?"

"If someone is willing to spend more, more money can be donated to the charity. It's not that hard to understand!"

"But they should still feel welcome to visit the gallery, even if they don't have the funds to buy anything."

You clear your throat. The men look at you. Rafayel stares at you like he wants you to burst into flames. "Rafayel's name will draw enough attention from the art world to attract buyers willing to spend big money. If you want the event itself to be seen by normal people, design for the normal person. Besides, a normal person will be more interested in the design of the promotional material than an elite just buying the work for their wall."

Rafayel looks at Thomas. The manager taps his fingers impatiently on the table, before sighing. "Fine. Elegant, but welcoming. You can manage that, right?"

You smile thinly at him. "Of course."

He sighs again, nodding. He checks his watch. "This meeting's run over. Contact me when you have drafts drawn up. I'll send you the info," he rambles off as his chair scrapes against the floor and he stands. He leaves with little else to say aside from a brief 'have a nice day'.

You make a few more notes in your sketchbook, crossing out the older notes you don't need anymore. Rafayel sighs heavily from the end of the table.

"You got what you needed. Are you gonna leave now?"

"Mhm. I just wanted to know if I could see the centerpiece for the exhibit. It would give me a better idea for color schemes and layouts."

He raises an unimpressed eyebrow at you. "Thomas already went over all that with you. Why do you need to see it in person?"

You chuckle. "Forgive me, but I don't trust a business man to know what looks good with what. I'd rather trust the artist he's trying to promote."

He stares at you for a minute. His finger taps a rhythm against his arm, contemplating whether he should work with you or send you right out the door.

Eventually, he sighs. "Fine, but no peeking at anything else!"

"If I want to see the rest of your stuff, I'll go to the exhibit myself."

He leads you through his house where the meeting took place. It's one of the nicer places you've ever been in when working with a client. You've seen mansions and manors before, once or twice, but this felt nicer than those. Those were stuffy and dark, trying to impress a higher class of people. Compared to those, this was casual. The sea breeze coming in through the windows was refreshing, enticing you to run out onto the beach after this.

When you reach the entrance of his studio, he makes you cover your eyes. You relent, letting him lead you through the place until he stops you. The heat of his hand lingers on your arm.

"Okay, you can look now."

You drop your hands and blink away the darkness until your eyes can adjust. Three canvases are all lined up on separate easels, coming together to form one scene. It's ocean-themed, as most of his works seemed to be from your brief research, depicting the story of a mermaid stranded on a beach, being saved by a passing fisherman.

"Oh, so it's a triptych."

He blinks at you. "I'm surprised you know what that is.”

You give him an unimpressed look. "I do have a bachelor's in fine arts, you know."

"Why? You work with computers all day for your job, why do you need to know the traditional aspects of art?"

"Well, aside from having background knowledge for clients like you who do traditional artwork, I don't just work with computers for my art. A lot of my job entails sketching, a traditional medium. Just because I know how to transfer it to a digital format doesn't mean I'm exempt from learning about it."

---

Tag List:

@nyx2021 @angel-jupiter @thelittlebutton @pomegranatepip @cordidy @an-ever-angry-bi @thejysemongko

[pentrologram]

What Normal People Do - 8

You're so, so pissed.

warning/cw for user having a panic attack- basically hurt no comfort

never mentioning how long it takes for me to write a chapter again because wow hi guys it's been two months... i'll be real, it's not my best work, but if i try to nitpick anymore this chapter'll be out when i graduate haha (additional: this is day 25 of my advent calendar! i know this was supposed to be out on christmas day, i'm sorry, i'm sick 😭)

ao3!

ghost/soap/gn!reader (established ghoap)

(Why Did I Like You? Breaking it Off)

Your realization is a scary one.

It takes you taking an Uber home, collapsing in your bed and passing out and waking up before you realize the consequences:

Holy fuck, you loved them.

Them being a couple.

An established couple.

Who got along like water in a stream.

You came to another realization not too shortly after: there’s no way in hell you can tell them if you want your friendship to remain the same. And if you don’t want them to think of you as a creep- because that’s exactly how you feel. 

You feel like a creep, wanting to be a part of their undoubtedly closed, private relationship, wanting to get closer than what’s acceptable, at least in your head. You don’t know when or how or why these feelings have arisen- all you know is that they are just there. And you certainly don’t appreciate them at all.

No, you determine yourself to push down these frankly irrelevant feelings. There’s no use for them by either party, anyway.

Little do you know that on the other side of the plaster and drywall , Johnny’s feeling the same as you .

He’s a lot less in denial about his feelings than you are, though. He came to terms with his feelings a long while ago, and he’s been a lot less subtle about his feelings, too. What with the way he had snuck food from his plate to your own when you ate dinner with them just because you said you liked a certain dish or how he had stopped you from paying for anything while at the countless (literally, countless) art fairs you had been dragged to or the hopelessly-in-love looks he gave you from the other side of a room.

However, much like you, he’s scared.

He’s been stockpiling, hoarding random facts about you and committing them to his memory, just to randomly delight you with something you assume he’d forgotten .

He and Simon have had thirds before, multiple times. People that had left well before morning, whatever. They’d never seen anyone like you before—sweet, little you. You who had barged into their hearts with your broken one, nestled deep, curled up and settled.

Still, he’s scared. He and Simon had never talked about their relationship like that before, because they never needed to.

You, though, were making him question things. He had always thought- assumed?- that Simon was the one and only person for him. Only Simon could fill a persistent ache in his heart, could soothe his overactive mind and lull him into rest. However, when you came along, suddenly Johnny felt the same way he had when he first met Simon. Suddenly, he was poking the bear that was the 6’4 masked Lieutenant in base after being transferred into the 141, giddy off of boyish nerves and fickle puppy love that soon turned into something more.

Suddenly, you make Johnny feel as though he’s a lot younger than he is.

And don’t get him wrong, it’s bloody amazing . He adores you- well and truly , he does. He’s scared of how Simon will react, though.

He and Simon are birds of a feather, really, and he knows that Simon likes you a fair amount. The real question is if Simon thought of you the way Johnny did, or if to him, you were just a good friend. It’s that thought that makes Johnny scared- that if he introduced the idea of including you in their relationship, Simon would be disgusted, maybe even offended. It’s that thought that gives him pause and stops him from bringing it up to Simon.

More fuel to the fire of your trepidation: you're so anxious about the sculpture. You know they know that it was someone else (technically), but the memory of throwing that sculpture- god, you feel terrible about it. Yeah, you were maybe a lot intoxicated, but it was still insanely terrifying. You just knew that if you were to go up to them unguarded they would split your brain open and see everything within you. They would be able to tell that you broke the sculpture and they’d see your weakness and then they’d hate you for it. You’re convinced that they’d hate you about it so much that they will get you kicked out of your lovely new apartment somehow, maybe from a friendship with the landlord, and then convince your job to drop you for being a deplorable sculpture-shatterer. Maybe they'd even go as far as to go onto the news about you and your deplorable-ness since Johnny had gained internet reach via the homophobic outburst. Maybe they’d turn you in to the cops. Maybe you’d get locked up, like how Simon was trying to get the original vandal to be. Needless to say, you didn’t talk to either of them about the incident, going rigid whenever it got mentioned, going to yourself ‘god, maybe they’ve found you out’ when all it is is Simon grumbling about the local police being little to no help. You’ve also been sort of avoiding them, not responding to Johnny’s texts as much or purposefully timing taking out the trash to catch Simon and Riley on their afternoon walks. You don’t think they notice, since they’ve been caught up in a sudden wave of support on practically all ends- you’re sure you saw a few strangers loitering on their doorstep a few separate times. 

Despite all of your anxiety, life still moves on. You worked nearly every day for the past two weeks before getting two days off. The clinic had been swamped because a nearby elementary school had a lice outbreak; first-time moms who had never heard about lice shampoo came flocking to your practice. It probably would’ve been funny, you supposed, but it was just tiring to deal with back-to-back upset toddlers with upset parents. You were so tired that when Johnny reached out to invite you to watch a horror movie in preparation for Halloween, you couldn’t even bother with your anxiety declining, just wanting some sort of comfort. 

Now, you’re at the boys’ apartment, contemplating the benefits of leaping out of their balcony; just to rid yourself of the near-crippling anxiety of being so close to the two of them. You're settled into the couch to watch Jennifer's Body with the boys, and Simon is lounged with his mask off and he has one burly arm over the top of the couch , practically over Johnny's shoulders as Johnny sort of sits right in the divot between Simon's cushion (since he’s buff enough to warrant his own cushion) and the cushion he should’ve been sitting on, enticing you to sit closer than normal to Johnny.

Knowing what you know now, you don't. Feeling what you do now, you don’t. You even take the opportunity to put a little space between you two, sitting purposefully on the other side of the couch. You’re honestly scared that if you do sit close to him, they'll take you sitting shoulder to shoulder with Johnny wrong.

You settle in, kicking your stocking-clad feet up onto the couch as you watch the first scene of the movie .

You zone out for a while and it’s not until Simon huffs a gruff chuckle at something or other- you weren't really paying attention- that you zone back in. Then, as if recalling something, his brown gaze bores directly through the fucking tissues of your face, right over an asleep Johnny, who had leaned in his sleep, his head now on your shoulder. He’s kind of (really) scary like this, just staring at you. It’s more tense without a lighthearted Johnny to diffuse the tension.

“You’re jumpy,” he observes.

“I’m not.” You’re not.

“Are y’ sure? You haven’t been seeming like yourself for a while, bun.”

“I’m fine.” You are. He scrutinizes you and you can feel a pit of anxiety in your stomach, which quickly turns into an irrational sort of anger. “Don’t look at me like that.” You half-snap. He had just looked at you so closely that you’re utterly convinced he knows exactly what you’re thinking, which only serves to irritate you further.

“Sorry.” He says, but he doesn’t seem sorry, only surprised.

“No, you’re not.” He’s not . His brow furrows.

“Bun, are you-“

“Stop.” You say, and he does. Johnny starts to drool. You look back to the movie. Simon doesn’t, and it ticks you off- his eyes are analytical but soft. Like he’s pitying you, which confuses you- what about you is there to pity? You’re convinced he knows everything about the sculpture now, what with the intensity of his gaze earlier. He should be feeling angry at you, not sorry for you.

“ Stop looking at me like that!” You burst out, making Johnny flinch awake, his head stuttering as it rises up from your tensed shoulders. He blinks blearily at you and your heart stutters, because even mostly asleep, he’s drop-dead gorgeous. He’s so pretty. It shouldn’t be allowed. Unexpectedly, it just adds more fuel to the fire that is your anxiety-driven rage.

“Wh’s-” Johnny starts.

“Bun, it’s okay- hey,” Simon cuts in.

“Fucking stop! I don’t get how you can be so- so calm all the time when you hate me,” you say, traitorous tears pricking at your eyes. “I know you know that I broke the vase, a-and it’s so infuriating when you act like nothing’s wrong! Like it doesn’t matter! Like you’re just- waiting for the perfect moment to strike on me and force me to pay my dues or something! Being quietly pissed off is shitty and rude and dehumanizing!"

You fight through the rising nausea and-

"-I hate that you know that I love you!" Embarrassment rises to your cheeks. It's slick and toxic, because *what the fuck*, no way you just said that?! You're fuming as you get up on unsteady feet and leave their apartment, narrowly avoiding the next wave of trick-or-treaters. You fumbled with your key before prying open the door of your apartment , falling onto your bed and crying into your pillow, frustrated with yourself.

That was awesome. That was great. You'd just confessed everything you knew they knew- if they didn't, they surely did now. They'd hate you. You really had to start detaching yourself from your apartment now, because you were almost 99% they would be reporting you for harassment or something to your landlord.

----------------------------------------

Both Simon and Johnny are confused as they sit on the couch in stunned silence in the aftermath.

"Well." Simon murmurs.

"Yeah.”

“I mean… well, fuck. Right bloody mess, that.”

“Only a mess? More like-” Johnny stops himself and bites his lower lip , hesitating .

“Well? Go’n, then,” Simon interjects, bumping Johnny’s shoulder. “More like what?” 

Internally, Johnny berates himself for the slip-up, since the plan has never been to tell Simon the truth. To confess that he-

No, he’s sure Simon must have an inkling of the direction of the secret he’s concealed for the better half of a month. Simon knows him too well, too intimately, their souls too closely intertwined for any secret to survive longer than a month. He should just fess up, he knows, but speaking the words would only be painful and he feels like they both could do with a lot less pain.

“Si, it’s-”

“Bullshit,” Simon says nearly immediately, his eyes glaring daggers through Johnny’s skull, making him gulp, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “Jus’ spit it out.” He hisses.

“I… Si,” he sighs out. “Si, Ah really like them. Like, really,” he says sulkily. “Ah still love ye the same, an’ I still think you’re my soulmate an’ all, But…. Somethin’ abou’ them, Si, I dunno.”

“Ah, Johnny,” Simon says, sighing, drawing Johnny closer to his side. “Tha’ isn’t anything to worry about,” he rumbles, “I feel the same, y’know. Thought you clued it out by now.”

“Really?” Johnny asks, peering up at his lover.

“Yeah, really, with your dumbass.”

“Oh. Well. I think- I think they feel the same.”

“You think ? They fundamentally confessed, love,” he mutters.

“Yeah, ollright,” Johnny huffs. “What d’ya suppose we do, then, if yer all-knowing?”

“Well, we tell 'em, don’t we? Get them a nice dinner. Some wine. The works.”

“Uh-huh. I think they’re scared of us, though, Si,” Johnny says quietly.

“I think you’re paranoid.” Simon presses a kiss on Johnny’s forehead. Johnny huffs again but offers no further cheek. “I say we take ‘em out to Ivy Springfield’s. Alright?”

“Alright.”

<- back

[kyanitedragon]

I'm finally watching The Original Series for the first time (after having watched basically every other Star Trek series) and man is this a fun trip!!

I know all the Trek lore from the other series, but amazingly I've managed to avoid the majority of TOS spoilers. And the few spoilers I do know, I have very little context for them.

And so, with that unique perspective, here are my thoughts:

TOS is equally so similar to and so different from the later series.

The lore, the characters, the set up — it's all the same. It's clear that Gene Roddenberry knew from the get-go what he wanted this series to be.

And yet the series is just so 60's. The dramatic music cues, the dramatic zooms, the over-acting in the fight scenes. Even the starship design looks so foreign to me — so angular and square and with so many buttons.

It's entertainingly frustrating to me how ill-equiped Kirk's enterprise is against inside threats. Kirk doesn't have a main head of security, and he rarely uses security on-board at all. The amount of times that people just waltz out of sickbay when McCoy turns his head, how so many antagonists straight up walk onto the bridge, the amount of times characters enter others' rooms without permission??

Kirk is so casual as a captain and I absolutely adore it. Voyager is my favorite Trek specifically because of how they all become a found family throughout their journey. And TOS has that from the get-go! The very first scene we see is Kirk and McCoy joking around on their mission — clearly old friends.

And it's not just his friends McCoy and Spock, but Kirk is rather casual and lax with his entire crew too. I love TNG and I love Picard but I was never a personal fan of how authoritative and professional he liked his ship.

I like seeing all the likely inspiration from these early episodes. There's so many episodes with mischevious god-like aliens, and I just know they had to be inspiration for Q. Especially Trelane, who literally put Kirk on trial like the very first episode of TNG. So many episodes revolve around computers wanting to achieve "perfection", which likely lead to the Borg. Especially Landru which had a speech that sounded a lot like the Borg.

And Kirk and Spock. Man, where to even begin? Obviously I knew people shipped them, but... Wow.

I'm honestly a little shocked that Trek did go more authoritative in later Treks. Kirk and Spock are just so close. Kirk is so handsy. They banter and joke back and forth all the time. It's so far away from the professionalism of any other on-duty starfleet officer in any Trek. And I absolutely love it.

Kirk and Spock start the show already friends. I had no idea this was the case going in, I thought episode 1 was going to be them meeting for the first time as Captain and Second Officer, the first day of their mission — just like all later Treks do. And I got so excited when I realized they were already best friends.

And I love how, despite already being so close, their relationship just evolves from there. For the first half of season 1, I thought they were cute, sure, and they had some moments, but I didn't see the big deal. But by the second half? Oh. Ohh I understand now. I get it.

And I love the consistancy between episodes. The show isn't serialized, it's episodic, and yet if you pay attention, you can catch little references and connections to previous episodes. Kirk mentioning he has a brother at the start of the season, and one of the last episodes is about his brother dying. Kirk learning that "half-breed" bothers Spock early on, and knowing to use it when he needs to get him angry in the last episodes. Just to name two. And I've poked around the fandom and seen you guys mention so many more little callbacks that I had missed.

Later Treks do a good job giving pretty equal screentime to their large casts. But TOS is so heavily focused on the Kirk, Spock, McCoy trio. It's not a bad thing, I love them together, but it just feels weird to me. Similar to the security thing, it also feels so inefficient and dangerous to have the Captain, Second in Command, and Chief Medical Officer on almost every single away-mission.

McCoy is so interesting to me. Later Treks tend to keep their doctors mostly in sickbay. But McCoy is almost constantly on the bridge just hanging out. It feels weird to have the doctor as a main character, but I had always wanted the doctor characters to have more screentime, so I'm definitely not complaining!!

And on a similar note — Spock is blue. He's the only Second in Command of all the Treks that wears blue and not Command colors. I've been so used to seeing barely any blues among the bridge crew, and now TOS has Spock and Bones both in blue and on the bridge near-constantly. I always wanted to see more Science officers in the main cast, so it makes me really happy to see it.

I've only finished Season 1 of 3, but already I have a feeling it's gonna be competing with Voyager for my favorite Trek series.

[theofficialpresidentofmars]

gonna be honest, i never bought much into the ‘Hamlet’s fatal flaw is inaction’ take because what no one ever seems to mention is that he has a pretty good reason for said inaction (zero actual proof) and within about an hour of resolving this he’s gone and killed a man. which is very much an extreme immediate action in my humble opinion. and he follows it up with an absolute whirlwind of whatever the opposite of inaction is (more extreme and reckless action which results in the deaths of about 7 more people before the play is up).

No, I doubt inaction is the best word to describe where he went wrong. The play does leave it a little ambiguous, which is why we have hundreds of years of debates about all this, but personally, I believe Hamlet’s true fatal flaw is pride.

Which is impressive, given how much he seems to loathe himself at points. But Hamlet spends the entire play acting like he’s the smartest person in the room, looking down on and discrediting the people around him, and no matter how much reason they may give him to do so, this is ultimately what I think sends him down the wrong path.

It’s made clear with Polonius, Rosencrantz, and Guildenstern especially, given that it’s this pride explicitly that gets the three of them killed. Hamlet is shown to consider himself multiple times their intellectual superior, running circles of wit around them in acts 2 and 3, in both of their second scenes, even mocking R&G to their faces for their attempt to play him. And this sense of superiority seems to be his path of reasoning when it comes to distancing himself from and justifying their murders- when Hamlet discovers he’s killed Polonius, his first instinct is to call him a fool, and as he drags the body out of the room, his final words on the matter are to again reinforce the idea that Polonius was a ‘foolish prating knave’ and that his death was divine punishment. With R&G, he kills them without remorse, remarking to Horatio after their deaths that they are ‘not near (my) conscience’, and that their deaths were their own fault for meddling where they shouldn’t have. Even when Horatio rightly points out that killing them was of no benefit to him and actually worsened his situation as there was now a time limit on Hamlet’s plans to enact vengeance imposed by the news of their death returning and Claudius taking more drastic action, Hamlet shrugs him off. Hamlet justifies their deaths at the time by bringing up the letter meant to kill him, but before he’d even found out about the letter or been sent off at all, in the same scene as Polonius’ death Hamlet tells his mother of how he wishes and expects to see the pair ‘hoist by their own petard’, suggesting a level of premeditation. All in all, Hamlet’s intellectual pride is a large part of why these three die, and in the ways they do.

With Ophelia, Hamlet’s pride wounds her as he refuses to let her even respond as he accuses her of cheating on him, and as it stops him from considering any options aside from him being correct, ever. He doesn’t listen to her, doesn’t let her explain, and doesn’t follow up with her besides sexually harassing her publicly and in front of her conservative father and then murdering said father. When he finds out about her death, and hears her brother mourning, his first instinct is to try and ONE-UP HIM, to claim that he loved her more and that he’s more saddened by her passing (after being the entire reason for her death). I’m not even kidding, he starts listing things he’d do that he thinks Laertes wouldn’t or couldn’r to try and ‘beat him’ at his girlfriend’s funeral. And Hamlet never considers in the moment that he might have played a part in her death, or might not have been a great boyfriend. He just wants to be better.

And it’s literally Hamlet’s pride that leads him to the fencing duel where he dies in the first place. It’s explicitly and obviously stated by Claudius and Laertes that they want to play on his jealousy of the attention Laertes has been receiving over his fencing skills and the pride he has in his own to offer him a challenge he can’t (and doesn’t!) refuse. It works, without a single hitch, because Hamlet cannot turn down an opportunity to prove he is better than someone at something. Horatio even tries to get him to turn it down, as they both instinctually know it’s a trap, but Hamlet is too prideful to leave.

Hamlet never considers himself to be wrong about the decisions he makes. It’s either deserved, unfortunate but ultimately deserved, or not his fault. Things happen, and everyone else knows less than he does. He readjusts his moral compass to align with whatever justifications he needs to be ‘right’, and he doesn’t look back. The closest he gets is feeling remorse for putting Laertes in the same situation he’s in, but his apology shifts the blame from himself entirely, even going so far as to victimise himself as well. He is too prideful to leave Claudius to God’s judgement, opting not to kill him in the church which is the turning point for everything going wrong.

And he never sees the consequences as the results of his actions. As he dies, he begs Horatio to live, to tell his story, as he believes it’ll save his reputation. Because it looks bad, sure, but if you just see it from his perspective, it’ll all make sense!

So that’s just my thoughts on it anyway. Hamlet does perhaps have a bit of an overthinking problem, but at the same time, it’s his spontaneity and recklessness that causes lasting damage. Hamlet may be cowardly and afraid to act in faith, but at the same time it’s often doubt that keeps him in check, and to commit murder solely based on the account of a spectre isn’t necessarily a noble act. Despite his seeming self-hatred, suicidal tendencies, and habit of beating himself up over every little thing, it’s a recurring and unsubtle theme that- when Hamlet acts on the belief that he is superior to those around him, without fail, bad things happen.