#my hyperfixation has faded and moved on to other things

[cordwaner]

Somsnosa + Wayne Art Dump for the soul

[shigayokagayama]

Could you do Teru for the ask game?

oh boy. ok.

Sexuality Headcanon:

gay. specifically. ok. maybe my most strange and specific take. but i feel like teru being into girls would kind of make his character arc... weaker? bizarre sentence i know but. hear me out. of the shots we get of him before mob enters the picture, 2/3 of them involve him flirting with girls. post mob we never ever see him with a girl again aside from one omake where there are a crowd of them trying to ask him out on valentines day who he is turning down. i feel like we are supposed to see these relationships as being a part of his fake, "perfect" persona he sheds rather than anything that came out of general interest. he's dating them because he's the handsome popular guy and that's what he's supposed to do, not because he's actually interested at all.

Gender Headcanon:

i like bigender teru a lot

A ship I have with said character:

terumob GIANT ASTERIX in the very specific context of being post confession arc. i see heart eye panel as the exact moment his false, idolized image of mob fades away and he sees him for what he truly is and still chooses to love him flaws and all. i really do think they are able to understand each other on a much deeper level than most people because they have both seen each other at their lowest and still chosen to continue wanting to be in each others lives. they both coped with their powers by creating these perfect masks to show the world (teru's as the prodigy and mob as the nice guy who will do anything for you and never ask anything in return) and were the first to be able to identify each other's facade because they recognized themselves in them and 💥. they mean a lot to me. also i do think the "they dont hang out much post canon" thing is a slight misconception, teru says they dont plan hangouts much and usually just run into each other and hang out from there. that with teru's "you should ask me to hang out more" gives such "im so used to other people making the first move that i havent developed the skills to let people know that i want them in my life" energy it makes me a little insane. anyway.

A BROTP I have with said character:

i need him ritsu and shou to run in circles hitting each other with rocks. i think any two of them on their own hang out normally and if you have the three of them + mob its normal but just the three of them and they start inventing games like "powerline volleyball"

A NOTP I have with said character:

pre confession arc terumob. like mob would never because tsubomi but if they did date it would last one month and they would never speak again itd be so bad (spoken from experience by a person with similar attachment issues who has dated people ive been hyperfixated on before)

A random headcanon:

HES SUCH A FILM BRO I KNOW HES A FILM BRO. this kid's letterboxxed is comprised solely of 1960s horror films made on a budget of 2 dollars and if you watch any of them with him he will provide trivia the entire film. also he has npd source fucking look at him

General Opinion over said character:

hes my favoriteeeeeeee the first time he showed up with the wig i went "alright this is gonna be my favorite character" and i spent the first half of season 2 mournfully going "i miss haystack boy :(" every episode he wasnt in. and then i read the manga and i got crazy insane over him. i really do feel like the anime dumbs him down a lot manga teru is a completely different person and hes so interesting i need to like. tear holes in my drywall. god. teru.

[wetcatspellcaster]

Veilguard Thoughts

(my sort-of review, more of a ramble, below the cut in case of spoilers)

I had particularly low expectations for this game, as it felt to me like it was rushed out to try and hit the BG3 crowd and get them to pay £70 at the point where their hyperfixation was failing them. It felt like a very commercially-motivated decision, and I tried to modify my expectations accordingly.

I then started playing... and had to modify my expectations again.

But with two lowering of expectations completed... I genuinely enjoyed this game! I had fun! Sort of! if I squint!!

Thoughts!

I am not a competent gamer, so I like combat that feels fun and engaging without being challenging or a chore (cough, BG3 Act 3, cough), but without being lazy either. I played as a mage in Veilguard and I felt like this hit a sweet spot - moments where I was stressed kind-of invested, no moments when I was bored. The graphics for mage (for spellblade particularly) were awesome and badass, and I loved to new mode of engaging with the mage class in orb and dagger.

I understand the frustration with a lot of lore being retconned, ignored, or wilfully erased or moved away from. Some parts I understood: I do think Veilguard tries to make a move away from grimdark, not out of disloyalty to the franchise and it's roots, but bc grimdark is a very different prospect now than when Origins released. it's a genre that gets a lot more criticism and bad press, and that some people feel genuinely uncomfortable perpetuating as a results. While Origins is my favourite dragon age game, there's a lot of insane things you need to just let slide to enjoy it - like the fact that multiple origins begin with some kind of rape and sexual assault if you're playing as a woman. I don't think retconning that stuff is anything other than being politically savvy, and a little more sensitive to how fantasy has changed.

(I also think this is why they've moved away from the chantry conflict to be honest. Like the optics of Christian religions in fantasy has also changed, and let's be honest, Dragon Age had already fucked THAT, multiple times.)

I did however, like everyone, find it a bit disheartening to see how little Keep decisions mattered. Why is there no Keiran with Morrigan? why can't Mythal move to an inquisitor who drank the Well of Sorrows instead? why is my Inquisitor defending Solas when she ended the game hating him? Why is Hawke being in the Fade meaningless? I know this is just echoing what people have already said, but it was sad to see the 'conclusion' to the franchise (that probably isn't the end, let's be honest, not now that people paid £70 for an underwritten game) was even less satisfying in terms of choice and agency than ME3

This game deliberately skewed itself to read as a 'better DA2', than a 'worse, rushed inquistion'. IDK, it just makes me feel a bit grossed out, and manipulated. I mean, we know DA2 can be made in crunch, lads!!!!! :)))

Criticisms!

EVERYTHING is underwritten. The game is woefully short. If I can complete all the sidequests in a game, then something is wrong. The romances, the character arcs, the main quest, the dialogues. Everything was sparse, with the bare bones of a plot, that (in the case of companions quests) was rarely seen through to a full and satisfying conclusion. And I *know* that's not the writers fault, necessarily, but that doesn't mean it couldn't be done better.

There's so much potential, but I found that most of the companions could be boiled down to one or two traits, and while I can see people headcanoning reasons for this in real time, it's just... underwriting, or bad writing. Extremely telling to me that both Emmrich and Davrin were my favourite companions... because they had their own companions. That meant that they had multiple story hooks - their professions, their relationships, and then their little guys. They got three things, when most people only got two.

This was particularly egrerious for me with Taash, because they started out amazing, and I ended up being extremely disappointed as I watched both them and their mother being reduced down to flat one-dimension caricatures and a tired queer narrative of 'my parents hate me'. Only, this time, it's 'my immigrant parents hate me'. when you couple the reductive approach to Taash with bioware's inability to write the Qunari well or without falling into Orientalism??? they're suddenly an evil repressive queer phobic religion after being supportive of trans characters in inquisition???? you're telling me Shathann, a woman who was forced into a more feminine role by circumstance but considered herself more genderless/masculine as a scholar, wouldn't be on board with non-binary identity? just galling tbh.

The romances are underwritten. And they are badly written, to me. Luckily I know we'll have fic, but in Inquisition, each romance was 90 minutes worth of content. In Veilguard, Lucanis's romance is the longest... at 18 minutes. It just seems stupid and strange to me - if this game is chasing on BG3's coat-tails, why don't they know everyone is fucking horny?

While I liked the decision to give companions more banter together and flesh out their interpersonal relationships, I felt that the balance was off... probably bc it's cheaper to have two actors share a piece of scripted dialogue, than voice a decision tree. It meant that to me Rook often felt like a bystander in their own story, or excluded from their own found family. HR Manager-core, as it were.

General uselessness of the Lords of Fortune coupled with the Orientalism of the Lords of Fortune.... big sad.

I think the choice between Lace and Davrin is highly!!!! suspect!! do you go with fantasy racism (kill off the only dwarf, thus meaning all your dwarf companions are dead in the game, including the one who represented to future for her people) or the real racism (kill off the black man). I really wish this decision was more reactive, and perhaps based in faction strength or character bond, not just a pre-set choice.

I'll never care about solas, the way trick weekes wants me to care about solas. pretty dumb decision, to make a whole game contingent on this fact.

The ending and epilogue screens were underwhelming, and left the game feeling incomplete to me.

Joys!

To end on a more positive note...

everyone is hot. I honestly think everyone is hot. No other dragon age game had a cast of characters whom i all found attractive. This is unheard of. This is why I know all the fic will be fucking stellar.

And you know who else is hot? Rook. Genuinely one of my favourite DA protagonists! Maybe bc of the faction thing, or just the chemistry of the VA I chose. I just felt like she was pretty fucking hot tbh, and that more people in-game should be taking notice of it. Everyone should stop having conversations with each other and start desiring Rook carnally.

Weisshaupt was genuinely an amazing sequence and questline. In fact, I loved that this game featured Grey Wardens more heavily, and I loved all the lore about Wardens that was introduced.

Assan!! <3 Manfred!!! <3

Bellara and Neve kissing with tongue!!! No, I will not elaborate!!!

(I think that Bellara and Neve were two characters who did have strong stories, and that they should kiss about it.)

Elgarnan and Ghilanain.... never before has a dragon age game known what it's like to have a charismatic villain. This time, we got two. Ghilanain was my favourite, bc I'm fucking gay, but even interactions with Elgarnan and his boss battle felt engaging. I honestly don't think a dragon age game has ever had a good villain before, and these guys were both fucking cool.

[brotherwtf]

Ooomph so this in my head in a non sexual way but

Buck x Bucky fit so much of an Autism x ADHD type of relationship.

Can see it at the Stalag, John not being able to be as active or have as much stimulation and picking fights and not quite seeing how he is scaring other people and Gale frantically clinging to a resemblance of routine and rules because that’s what makes sense.

Maybe a modern AU? But both would be using weighted blankets to regulate their nervous systems and help with symptoms. But they get stuck somewhere, maybe in an airport hotel with a storm system? And John isn’t coping well and Buck just lies on top of him and helps in that way.

Maybe in a WWII fic when there is a more accurate gap between the two escaping. (I think like three months? Or something?) Buck has put weight back on and John has lost more. Could be a weight moment where Buck weighs more than Bucky.

Bucky is back at Thorpe Abbotts. And can’t stop shaking. Buck helps ❤️

THIS ANON YES YES

John being ADHD coded is so precious to me, that boy CANNOT and WILL NOT be at anything less 100% irritating at all times, especially with his little anecdotes for Gale

"the unicorn is my favorite animal" babygirl you were BEGGING to say that for at least an hour weren't you? but you kept that in bcs you didn't want to overwhelm your bf when he just got to base? okay darling

but Gale being autistic makes so so much sense, him just wanting to go nonverbal and letting his outgoing boyfriend take up space in the room while you fade into the background? yep yep

definitely in a modern au Gale would have the most random facts for John, and John would just eat them up every single time, would present his own anecdotes about them and then get caught in a spiral of his own thoughts, which Gale always likes to see, likes to listen to him talk

John absolutely loves when Gale goes on little rants about what he's hyperfixating on at the moment, maybe in a modern au it's usually planes or something like that, he'll sit and listen for hours while Gale talks about it, it's one of the only times he can actually concentrate and is able to sit still for that long

the weighted blanket thing is making me giggle because DEFINITELY, John NEEDS to have something on top of him during the night or he'll just be vibrating, can't quite get his brain to stop running, the weight just sort of centers him and allows him to sleep. Same with Gale, he likes to have that weight so he doesn't feel like he's going to start falling again, maybe even in a modern au Gale has those weird feelings that he's falling through the air, grabs ahold of John whenever he does and squeezes his eyes shut to stop the feeling

Gale would definitely lie on top of John whenever he's getting restless, they're at a hotel or something and John's just squirming, Gale finally just rolls on top of him to get him to stop moving, God bless they're both so silly

[rabbitbakery]

A brief reprieve (black Pearl cookie x captain caviar cookie)

I’ve been cooking an au in my silly little brain ever since I started hyperfixating on cookie run yet again. I call it the ✨reformation au✨

Warnings: a little angst but comfort, heavily implied that black Pearl cookie was in love with frilled jellyfish cookie before she “died”, man tits 😔

__________________________________

She doesn’t know what this….MAN has done to her brain but she’s not exactly….thrilled about it. Black Pearl cookie told herself she would NEVER trust a pile of worthless crumbs ever again, it’s only brought her trouble anyway! They are nothing but pathetic- weak! Yet, here she was, waiting for her… captain to visit her once more.

Ever since he and that sentient fish tank dared disturb her in her sunken kingdom, he’s been visiting. She tried to drown him for the first few times, but he was nothing but stubborn- stupidly so in her opinion. He was a persistent little pest, yet she found herself waiting for him at noon on the dot everyday. If he would come, it was always at noon, no sooner or later. Over time she…dreaded his visits less…. The constant storm making the Dustgloom sea’s nearly inhospitable calming with every visit. She doesn’t know what’s wrong with her, her first love betrayed her… took Frilled Jellyfish cookie away from her… but yet she finds herself at the same little alcove underwater, silently watching the horizon for a all too familiar ship.

“Lass? You ‘ere?” Captain Caviar cookies deep, raspy voice called towards the watery blue. That voice… ugh she can’t stand it…After a few minutes she decided to make her appearance, her large, titanic form rose from the depths, looking down at the spec of a man in front of her. 

“What do you want…” her intimidating siren-like voice as loud as always, yet she’s never seen him flinch as many others have.

“There’ ya are pearly, ominous’ per usual huh lass?”. That nickname…that damn nickname… 

“You didn’t answer me…”. Part of her thinks he’s still trying to get something from her, yet she had no Pearl to lose anymore anyway…nothing she would be too beat up about parting with. 

“Can’t I come see ya without needen’ somethin?” He says with a deep chuckle, his hand looming over his pocket on his coat. She never knew why he wore the damn thing, he never buttoned it up anyhow. 

“I gotcha somethin’….”. She tilted her head like a curious cat, her usual slit pupils dilating. He grabbed the mysterious treasure from his pocket, waiting for her to hold out her hand to gift it to her. Black Pearl cookie reluctantly complied, it was probably some kind of cookie junk-

A Pearl. A big one too, full of shine and no imperfections, the lustrous surface shining pinks and grays perfectly… her… her Pearl. 

“Oyster cookie found out bout’ me lil trips down ere’ from me crew, the little scallawags, said she had somethin’ of yer’s from an old family member. Poor lass sounded so torn up bout’ er family stealin’ it.” 

“…” ah…it’s been that long… hasn’t it? He moved on without her…had a family…pasted away…

…

She suddenly dove back under the surface, her long white hair revealing her diving deeper and deeper till she could no longer be seen.

“Wait!- Lass? Ya alright? I’m sorry if I upset ya…” his voice started concerned, fading into disappointment… he was really hoping she’d like it. She might as well be part of his crew by now, and he wasn’t leaving his spot till he was certain she was in tip top shape, so he dropped the anchor and… waited.

…She had it back. Her Pearl, her perfect pearl, her most valued treasure returned to her. All that hatred for Lord Oyster cookie, all that venom she had for him taking what’s rightfully hers…. 

She feels…better. For the first time in centuries she felt like she gained just a little piece of herself that she had ripped from her. She felt…happy, not the joy she felt from watching those crumbs dissolve into nothing by her own hand, no. Content, she felt content. It brought her too tears, and she hasn’t cried in centuries, her cold, vitriolic heart beating with joy. She held it close, clutching it like it would be taken once more…

A tiny, calloused hand touched Black Pearl cookies scaled arm, bringing her back into her senses.

“…Pearly..? Are ya ok..?” His voice was soft, concerned and weary. She doesn’t know what to say, how to feel… and seemingly her face reflects that.

“…what…what does dat’ Pearl mean to ya?” That was all he could think to ask, clearly it meant a lot but he’s never seen her cry, it was unnerving to be frank. The highly feared sea siren, her name could strike terror into even the most experienced sailor, crying.

“…it’s my Pearl…” she mumbled like a scared child.

“…it was a gift to…..” she doesn’t finish her sentence. She hates feeling this weak, this PATHETIC. He’s the pathetic one- HIM. She’s the legendary Black Pearl cookie for almighty seas sake!- She’s a GOD compared to him…. Yet…

“…like… a boyfriend or somethin?” Captain Caviar cookie asked, confused that she even might have had a boyfriend before. Like, jeez poor bloke must’ve been idiotic to upset her this bad. 

“…he got my best friend killed over…THIS.” Her voice was full of venom and vitriol. Her  ginormous trident flew to her claw with a loud ‘SHINCK’. Black Pearl cookies tail shot her to the surface, memories she’d long buried swirling in her mind like a typhoon. The clouds above darkened, a grand thunderstorm forming…

“Why won’t that pest leave me BE!?-“ ‘WAM’ lighting struck a nearby rock face, jagged stones falling into the deep blue.

That pest took her way he got her killed by that stupid land cookie then had the gull to beg for forgiveness she will never forgive him she will ripe everything one of his next to kin to shreds-

“…I’m sorry lass…” his voice interrupted her rage, Captain Caviar, in the most sincere voice she thinks she’s ever heard. Her gaze returned to the water, watching him float next to her, his face etched with worry and a genuine care she’s not seen in  a millennia. 

“If i’dda known givin ye that woulda’ brought back such bad memories I woulda’ kept it to meself’…” Black Pearl cookie felt a pang of something she didn’t know she could feel anymore. Guilt.

“….no…no it’s not…I appreciate it, truly, I do…” the storm calmed, her trident sinking back to the sea floor.

“It’s just…I’m still so….” All his hard work, all his visiting and his care was paying off, she was finally opening up…

“Angry. He just… moved on like he didn’t do anything wrong… like he wasn’t a murderer..” Sharp talons dig into her skin as she said that last part, her eyes slits once more.

“…lass… I don’t mean to sound insensitiv’ but… holdin a grudge against that scurvy dog ain’t gonna change what he did… it’s no good for ya too keep makin urself’ miserable thinkin bout em’..” Captain Caviar cookie was trying his best to be as helpful as he could, but he ain’t trying to get himself turned into fish food quite yet. She just looked… tired now. A deep seeded tiredness that had built and festered, destroying the happy little moon she once was, even if she was insecure she was happy. Now look at her… how pitiful she was now…

“…perhaps your right…but it’s so hard not to be angry at…everything.” She was mad at the Almighty Sea for not protecting tearcrown, her sisters, or her precious servant when she needed her most. She’s mad at her sisters for not allowing her to grow stronger, to train incase of a battle so that maybe, just maybe she could have saved Frilled Jellyfish cookie. She’s mad at ….him. She gave him the ability to quite literally thrive underneath the tranquil waters and he threw it all away as soon as money was offered to him. He sold a part of her to a man who killed her true first love… her Frilled Jellyfish Cookie. She’s mad at herself… her sisters would be so disappointed if they saw her now.

“…I know lass… I know.” From the little things she’s told him before, he knew she had many valid reasons to be so hateful. To look at any living thing with distain, to distrust any cookie she saw. He just wishes she saw him the way he saw her. Captain Caviar cookie would never admit it out loud, but she truly was the most beautiful woman he’s ever seen, cruel yes, mean? Absolutely! But he doesn’t mind, maybe there’s baby sturgeon’s in his brain eating away at his senses but that’s kind of what he liked about her. She was so strong, a force to be reckoned with, yet here he swims next to her, gently speaking to her as she’s in a distressed state.  

After a beat of silence she turns to her more docile small state, while still bigger then him by at least a foot. What Captain Caviar Cookie didn’t expect was for her to launch herself into his arms, curling around him like a boa constrictor. She’s NEVER been affectionate, other then the few pets she occasionally let him do on her head, they never touch.

“! Wow there lass-“

…he smells nice…like salt water and outside.. this was so nice. She can’t remember the last time she hugged someone, sometimes she forgets how touch starved she is. 

“…I like when you visit…” she mumbled into his coat, which she was heavily judging him for not taking it off before he jumped into the water. 

“…what was that lass?” He said smugly and light heartedly

“Shut it you worthless pile of crumbs and let me hug you!” Black Pearl Cookie hissed. There’s his girl. 

“Pfft- oh come on lass I’m teasin!”. She grumbled a bit more before focusing on snuggling up to him more, a deep purring in her throat. 

‘Hehe, like a cat…’ Captain Caviar thought to himself, happily accepting the affection from the siren he had been trying to get the attention of for weeks now. 

…This was nice…it was like all her anger and hatred was gone for but a moment…she felt.. lighter. Her mind more clear.

“…aye… lass you feelin’ alright? Yer scales be turnin…”.

“?” She gazed down at her tail, towards his gaze… pink. The tips of her scales were now pink, how they used to be… 

“WHAT THE?!-“ Black pearls voice screeched, a look of confusion and a little horrified shock on her face. How was that even possible??? All the pigment disappeared from her body when her mind was tainted- what happened???

“Wow wow Pearly calm down, I’m sure you caught a fever or somethin’”. She hates how his voice could always calm her. 

“You should rest lassy, it’s no good for ya to be havin all this excitement if ye are gettin’ sick.” He gently rubs her back, yeah…maybe it was that…

He bid her goodbye, her retiring to her hoard of valuables she had stolen from republic ships over the years. She was not to sleep till she placed her Pearl in a chest she had laying around, hiding it for no other but herself. Her hoard was like it’s own little story, the history of cookies long passed all within this submerged cave. She curled up in her lavished nest, maybe she’d be ok in the morning…

… but she wasn’t.

Her Pearl began gaining its pink shine back, the black pigment swirling and fighting with the soft pastel. The tips of her tail gained its rosey shade back in a soft gradient, her skin less grey… but it wasn’t sickness. She felt….calm. Like a weight had been lifted off her chest even if just a little. The constant storm within her seas calm, grey clouds. While the pain was still there.. it wasn’t in control anymore. 

She didn’t think a measly cookie could make her fall in love ever again….

But clearly she was wrong.

[sacred-algae]

Falling Away With You by Muse has always been a very Geraskier song to me. And the new demo version just strengthens that association.

It screams Jaskier pining for Geralt. I like to imagine that in the world of The Witcher, he wrote it. It’s full of so much pain, fully encapsulating a love that is so strong it’s killing you and yet you can’t stop for the life of you.

But the new demo is perfect. It’s acoustic, and there are no lyrics besides humming and “ooh”ing here and there. It’s in progress. Listening to it feels like you’re walking in on a private moment you shouldn’t be listening to. It changes and shifts as Matt is recording. As a songwriter, I can practically hear him thinking “Well what about this? No, that’s not right. How about this? Oh, yes, I like this.”

So picture this with me:

Imagine Geralt and Jaskier sitting at their camp. It’s their first day back together after one of their little few month breaks. Imagine Geralt sitting on a rock, cleaning his sword from a day’s work. Imagine the campfire crackling, the crickets chirping. Imagine a 28-year-old Jaskier has his notebook and lute out. Geralt likes to hear him play as they wind down for the night, and Jaskier… well Jaskier has been hyperfixating on a song he’s been working on while he and Geralt were apart. He has the lyrics done, but the tune isn’t quite there yet.

The songwriter’s hands itch to play this new one that’s still in progress. It’s like resisting a pull, but this one isn’t one he wants to write in front of Geralt. No, he can’t. But the hyperfixation is too strong, and he moves to pluck the riff as he tries to play other things. Things he knows Geralt likes—

“Play the new one.”

Well fuck.

“It’s uh… a work in progress.”

“I like it. Keep going.”

He can’t say no to Geralt.

“There aren’t any lyrics yet,” he lies.

“That’s fine.”

So he plays the new one. And it sounds something like this: (lyrics for the og are under the cut)

I can't remember when it was good

Moments of happiness elude

Maybe I just misunderstood

All of the love we left behind

Watching our flash backs intertwine

Memories I will never find

So I’ll love whatever you become

Forget the reckless things we’ve done

I think our lives have just begun

I think our lives have just begun

And I'll feel my world crumbling down

Feel my life crumbling now

Feel my soul crumbling away

Falling away

Falling away with you

Staying awake to chase a dream

Tasting the air you're breathing in

I hope I won't forgot a thing

Promise to hold you close and pray

Watching our fantasies decay

Nothing will ever stay the same

And all of the love we threw away

And all of the hopes we've cherished fade

Making the same mistakes again

Making the same mistakes again

And I'll feel my world crumbling down

Feel my life crumbling now

Feel my soul crumbling away

And falling away

Falling away with you

All of the love we left behind

Watching our flash backs intertwine

Memories I will never find

Memories I will never find

[distractedducky]

So I was thinking about it… why sterek

I’ve shipped a lot in my time. From the classics like spirk and destiel, to the straight vampire diaries nonsense, from murder husbands to buddy to name a very small few. They all hold weird little places in my heart and mind but they fade and as I flow in and out of fandoms I move on to the next hyperfixation. But sterek just keeps sticking around.

It’s an old ship for me. If you go on my ao3 all the way back to 2013 you’ll see my first ever book mark was a sterek fic. That fic is still a comfort fic for me today and is something I read when my anxiety is uncontrollable.

It was something I read late in 2022 when the reality of the pandemic and the last few years hit me hard and got me back into Teen Wolf so hard it actually pushed me out of the supernatural hole the start of the pandemic put me in.

I’ve always been a shipper and I have my ride or dies, my OTPs and Ot3s, and so on and so forth, but fandom has always been weird for me. I started young and witnessed the birth in Tumblr and ao3, as a tween my taste can only be described as pure trash* Affectionate * but as I got older, like most things in life, my taste changed. And though I still love me some hot garbage, I engage with it differently than that little 12-year-old who thought werewolves and vampires were cool no further explanation necessary.

Now I’m an academic, a librarian, who actually studied critical lit analysis, book studies, and religion. Who spent years learning how to dissect prose and poetry to look beyond text in an professional setting. And though I don’t regret it and it has led to some fun changes in the way I engage with fiction it also kinda ruined the fun engagement I had with things back in the day when baby me bookmarked that first fic.

I need more from my characters now, more from my fandoms and it has led me away from and into the arms of content that I never saw coming. (Looking at you Danny phantom phandom) I needed depth or the potential for depth that some shows just didn’t lend themselves to cleanly enough to satisfy me and yet… sterek persisted.

One of my problems is I didn’t really engage with the fandom when the show was airing and only watched a few season sporadically until recently, so I wasn’t there when things were forming organically. It has left me out of step with the primary directions fan content creators have taken with the ship and the directions they took, though fun and interesting, aren’t really my usual thing.

I hate the infantilization of stiles and other teen wolf characters like Isaac. I generally hate infantilization of adults, hyper feminization of certain types of characters and so on and so forth and it has to do with my own gender stuff, but I usually avoid it in fanfiction. I am also not a huge fan of modern werewolf romance erotica. I have a lot of opinions on real supernatural mythology and legends and I don’t like the anthropomorphism that shows up a lot in werewolf stories. Not that I haven’t read some amazing takes on werewolf lore, especially in the Teen Wolf fandom but I’m speaking generally. I’m also not a fan of pack mom stiles (again my own gender stuff) and though I think Scott’s inconsistent character and writing throughout the show lens him to be whatever your fic needs to be (best friend, hype man, wingman, idiot, genius, villain, so on and so forth) I don’t like a lot of the 'Scott sucks just because' fics. I don’t like the hate in the fandom around that. I also don’t like the hypermasculine depictions of Derek in a lot of fics and on and on. I have read a lot of TW and sterek and by all accounts, it should be a fandom I wouldn't personally engage with this much. Yet for all that, I have found there is an exception to every trope I hate, every hard line i draw for myself, because the fic was just so good. For every dozen or so fics that seem to tell me that this isn’t the fandom for me, there is that one amazing thing that says “No! This is exactly where you wanna be”.

Like I said, I need more from my fandoms now a days and most of what that boils down to is plausible deniability. I need enough gaps in the narrative to fill them in myself, but with enough connective pieces that everything can make sense when put together. The fatal flaw of telling without showing, which allows people to extrapolate out what they want from certain things -all the subtext with none of the text - is exactly where my degree comes in handy.

And sterek well… I think what it is for me as a shipper is the inconsistencies. That is kind of why I still ship it so far and for so long. It's the fact of why was Stiles in Derek's dream at the end of 3b? We can talk about all the things with him being his anchor and the grasping at straws that we as shippers all love to do but the narrative fact is they did not spend that much time on screen together or even saying they were doing things off-screen together. That leads us to a lot of whys. Why were they together at the beginning of season two talking about the alpha pack? Why were they in certain situations in season four that ld them to work so well? What happens in all of this dead time? What happens in season six? We see stiles in episode one be like "Oh my God Derek is a mass murderer wanted by the FBI" and at the end of the season, they've apparently driven and or flown back to California together, apparently spent some time together. They're not on the run from the FBI so that got cleared somehow, stiles isn't limping so his foot healed. There's so much dead time like that throughout the show so when scenes happen like the hand on Derek's shoulder after the death of Boyd you're left thinking that's kind of off, we haven't seen any interactions with them that would show that they have that kind of deep solemn relationship where comforting him would make sense.

The show notoriously has a terrible timeline, but all that does is fuel the fact that we don't know how much time any of these characters are really spending off-screen together. We can only assume that it happened in this weird dead time. This is why somehow Derek's view of Stiles in his head is like a calm stable dependable figure who can help him talk through an issue. This is why they always gravitate towards each other in fights. This is why they work so well together in a crisis. Like we have to assume that happened before which is stupid and I know it's so much reaching, but in my little brain, it's the only way that makes all of this random shit fit together- so I gotta ship it. Obviously, the real-world explanation is inconsistent writing plus putting space between them once the writer stopped wanting people to ship it, but because you get all of these disjointed scenes where they're too intense for what we've been previously seeing there is some type of disconnect here -what is that? and if you're looking at the show, not as a work of fiction, but as a narrative, what else are we gonna do then assume that they have spent way more time emotionally connecting than we have seen on the screen.

And for me that’s everything I want in a ship, that ability to play and extrapolate random events and ask, okay now how would these all fit! And that’s what spawns great ideas and stories and art and why I ship it, dispute the fact that it really shouldn't work for me personally.

I think it’s why a lot of people still stop sterek despite the fact that the attitude towards it and the show has shifted a lot and in many different ways in the last decade.

Sorry for the rant, I’ve been thinking about this for days and had to get it out there. I hope I didn’t offend anyone. I truly love the Teen Wolf fandom and everything it’s done and everything it created and I’m so happy to be able to engage with it.

[rainbow-nerdss]

Fic Writing review 2023!

I was tagged by: @just-my-latest-hyperfixation @aidaronan @exhuastedpigeon @jamespearce9-1-1 @theotherbuckley @aspecbuddie @thewolvesof1998 @daffi-990 (And possibly others, i may have missed one or two, sorry if i did!)

I can't believe 2023 is over, honestly. This year has had some ups and downs for sure but overall I'm so proud of what I've achieved. I started the year mainly writing Stranger Things fics, and while I still love that fandom and all of the wonderful people I met there, my inspiration for writing it was beginning to fade.

And along came 9-1-1. I am so happy with where I've ended up, and for all the new friends I've made since I found this show back in April!

Here's an overview of my year in fic:

Words posted to ao3: 235,060

Words written: 250,465

Works posted: 38

Fandoms posted for: 3 (Stranger Things, 9-1-1, MCU/Captain America)

Specifics and tags are under the cut!

Longest fic:

Crawling on Back to You 109k words, 30 chapters Stranger Things, Steve/Eddie, Rated E

Shortest fic:

Keep on Walkin' and don't look back 521 words Stranger Things, Steve/Eddie, Rated T

Top 5 by kudos:

1. Right in front of your eyes

9-1-1, Buddie, 15k

He and Chris, and Buck. They work, they’re a unit. Why should it matter that he’s single? Buck is watching him, like he’s reading every thought on his face. “You’re already planning to lie about the date. Why don’t you just tell her you met someone yourself?” Eddie shrugs and tilts his head to the side, squinting in thought. “She won’t set me up on dates if she thinks I’ve got someone,” he muses. “But she’ll want to meet whoever it is.” “So... Introduce them?” Or: Buck offers to fake-date Eddie so Pepa will stop setting him up on dates.

2. Pinky Promise

9-1-1, Buddie, 1k

Christopher Diaz doesn't mind that his dad's dating someone new. He's not dumb, he knows there's someone. The way his dad has been smiling lately, the way Chris catches him staring at his coffee, daydreaming like he isn't a grown man. The sleepovers Chris is suddenly allowed to go to on almost a weekly basis. Chris is happy for him, really he is. He’s just not planning to let himself get attached to whoever it turns out to be, just in case. He doesn't need a step-parent, because he has Dad, and he has Buck, and that’s enough. Whoever his dad dates, well. They'll probably leave, eventually. Chris doesn’t need to worry about them. Or: Eddie and Buck come to Chris with some news, and he doesn't take it very well at all.

3. Peek-A-Boo

Stranger Things, Steddie, 1k

Eddie tried not to stare. He really tried. He didn't notice at first, too preoccupied with the tub of pringles he'd been making his way through while talking about Corroded Coffin's last gig. Sure, he'd noticed the shorts. The ridiculous amount of leg Steve was showing, the way they hugged his ass, but it wasn't until Steve moved, lifted one foot to rest on the cushion, knees spread, that Eddie noticed another feature of the shorts. Or: Steve puts on a bit of an accidental show.

4. Definition

9-1-1, Buddie, 2k

It keeps happening, time and time again. People get it wrong. Whatever people say, it feels wrong and they don't know how to set the record straight, until Chris takes it into his own hands. or: 5 times people get Buck's role in Chris's life wrong, and 1 time they set the record straight

5. take my hand (knot your fingers through mine)

9-1-1, Buddie, 4k, written with @pock-o-pea

At least Buck’s okay. He’s outside, safe, doing his job. Buck’s okay, which means no matter what happens inside this van, If the crushing weight of the fridge takes him before Buck can get to him, if the van pancakes or flips or any number of likely disasters occur, if Eddie dies in here, alone, and in pain, then… He thinks of Mallory, of Jo. How they’d called out for each other. His eyes shut briefly as Mallory’s words echo in his head. “She’s not my daughter. Jo’s mother was my best friend… she saved me so many times.” Or: what 6x18 could've been

2023 Events I've participated in: AUgust, Fandom Trumps Hate

Current works in progress:

The bodyguard fic (somebody to someone) -One chapter posted, 3 more written and (almost) ready to post!

Steve time travelling in the upside down (of moments and unmoments (of time lost)) -One posted, two more in the drafts 😁

The break-up fic (you were my town) - Two posted, the third almost ready to post

Season 7 fic: 10 chapters, currently being edited to post

and then a bunch of isolated oneshots I've yet to figure out an ending for: 5+1 times Eddie sees buck with kids that aren't his, friends with benefits, secret relationship, Teacher!Buck, Buckley siblings kiss of death, Buck in the stairs (just started this one last night!)

Goals for 2024:

I want to finish posting all of the WIPs which are already on ao3, post my s7 fic before March 14, keep working on all the WIPs I have in my docs and of course write more and keep sharing!

Most of all I want to keep participating in this wonderful fandom I've found on here, I have had *such* a good time over the past year in fandom 🥰🥰

No pressure tags (sorry if you've already done this and I missed it!)

@hellwrites @the-emdash @wildlife4life @disasterbuckdiaz @loserdiaz @jeeyuns @callmenewbie @911-on-abc @bittersweet-in-boston @kwills91 @trenchcoatsandtimetravel @spotsandsocks @devirnis @housewifebuck @lover-of-mine @gayhoediaz @mojowitchcraft @wikiangela @steadfastsaturnsrings @sunflowerdiaiz @cardamomsage @velvetjinx

Also tagging anyone else who might want to look back at the year and I've accidentally missed!

Rules: Feel free to show whatever stats you have. Only want to show Ao3 stats? Rock on. Want to include some quantitative info instead of stats? Please do this. Want to change how yours is presented? Absolutely do that. Would rather eat glass than do this? Please don’t eat glass but don’t feel like you have to do this either.

[plantsjustwannahavefun]

It's just occurred to me that I've never been in a dying fandom before while I was at the peak of hyperfixating on said fandom. And nothing has prepared me for that peculiar kind of grief it brings.

Because I still remember the height of OFMD two years ago. I remember all of the internet going crazy about it. There was a good 3-4 months when everyone who's even remotely chronically online in geek or queer spaces had heard of it. And the thing is, geek and queer spaces don't always intersect this much. Well they do to a degree, but I mean, I first heard about OFMD on Reddit. It's a lot more of a geek space than it is a queer one. The OFMD subreddit has a... pretty different vibe than OFMD fandom on Twitter or Tumblr or AO3. And yet, still, it seemed like for a few short, glorious months, OFMD has been The Thing on the internet, even on Reddit. Despite being so relatively tiny and niche and decidedly Not Mainstream™. I still remember that Comic Con with Con and Nathan in August 2022. I remember exactly where I was when I watched it. I'd blocked off time to watch it live. I'd actually bought a fucking ticket instead of just waiting for someone to upload it to YouTube, which is what I was used to doing with comic cons that featured David Tennant or some of my other favourite actors (well it did help that they let us by digital tickets for streamed panels this time, but still). I still remember how insanely excited I was, sitting down for that panel like it was this major Event. Like Eurovision or smth. And then several other comic cons. It was all so fresh. The fanbase was rabid (in the best way possible). And the cast was so in for it. The fan fiction had been flowing with abandon. The era of Hell or High Water. I'd never been part of an ongoing fic with such a massive readership, either. It was one of the cult fics in the fandom. The sheer excitement of getting a notification of a new chapter and making an event out of reading it, savoring it until the weekend, even. And then discussing it on Discord. That was what being part of a fandom was supposed to feel like.

And now it's dying. Slowly, but it is. It's never going to get a barrage of headlines again. It's never going to pull tens of thousands of Tumblr reblogs again. Sure, we're still getting bts (bless Samba Schute). There's still some engagement, more than most other fandoms would have retained by now, and that's incredible in its own right. But it's still a shadow of its former self. And it's never going to be the same again.

And it's fine. That's just how it is. Nothing lasts forever. People always move on, and it's not a bad thing. That's just life. I know I'm going to move on some day, too. Just not quite yet. I'm not ready yet. And it feels heartbreaking. Because the fandom's life was cut short. We should have had one more glorious cycle with S3. But we didn't. And that's the worst part. It wouldn't have been so hard to move on if we'd actually got closure. And now we never will. OFMD will never really have concluded, it will just slowly trickle out and fade away. A whimper, not a bang. And that's what's killing me.

[olrinarts]

alright so let's go on a tour of my current writing folder (or at least the part devoted to cotl, the full writing folder which includes my original projects is. a whole lot. and not actually a thing y'all are here to see)

tl;dr: let's just say there's enough fic that i had to zoom out a LOT to keep these to single screenshots, so this whole thing is me making fun of myself for my hyperfixation (it's all in good fun)

buckle up my friends, prepare to view the sum total of human normalcy

let's begin with two numbers: 52, and 582,499

52 is the number of different files with writing that isn't a 'discard' - so completed projects, projects in progress, and projects waiting for editing. 'Discards' are essentially the parts i've cut, because i really rarely delete a draft, diverging plots i've rejected, or paragraphs i'm cutting, etc

582,499 is the number of words in all 52 docs combined. i did the math. i am simultaneously proud and deeply concerned by this number. (with the most easily counted discard docs, that number becomes 694,737.)

also of note is that the earliest doc was created on the 2nd of February 2024, aka this year

normalcy is off the CHARTS, lads

so this is the main folder and where the projects that are either incomplete or in the process of being edited:

docs crossed out are excerpts from other fics for that zine application, and red dots indicate at least some nsfw content (i just wanna make the point from earlier lmao). I'm not counting fade-to-blacks in that nsfw marking. Also ignore the titles, other than chimes of bone and ashes ashes they're largely silly pretentious placeholders

from there we have:

'phone tag' (a collection of v short fics that won't be posted bc they specifically jump off a fic i read early on and wanted to rewrite bc i liked the concept, but i'm not gonna go posting something that's a reworked vision of something another fic author wrote, that's just bad etiquette and it's okay to write things just for you); these docs aren't pictured but add 6 docs to the total list

'extras' (where i put the discards and such, as well as fics that have already been posted for organisation purposes)

and 'complete', which is our next destination

So here's the 'complete' folder, which is more of a storage for things that aren't actively being edited but are otherwise complete drafts:

red dots are again at least some nsfw content, and the 'old' folder is essentially just the waiting room for getting moved to 'extras'

Next folder being 'pwp', but inside is actually this:

for these two folders assume it's all got nsfw content. the difference between the two folders is whether or not the fic required multiple scenes, not whether it's actually pwp (it is a liar of a folder)

'actually pwp' (again, ignore the doc titles, they're basically meaningless):

then this is 'has a story':

and lastly, pulled from the depths of the 'extras' folder due to being complete fics that have already been posted, is the 'posted' folder:

So what are the takeaways from this?

i have far, far too much time on my hands and use it extremely responsibly

i am very normal about the things i like (and also type very fast)

i'm picky about cleaning fic up and having my partner look them over before i post, so there'll be long dry periods, but i won't be running out of material any time soon

feel free to send asks about anything here (assuming you can read the text for ants and can glean even a particle of what it might be about from the vague titles)

i'm always willing to ramble a bit and it'll be a WHILE before some of these end up anywhere near posting

[vidcurious]

Not really a Sims focused post but somehow this niche blog has more followers than my main lmao

I can't sleep and I'm thinking about how my hyperfixations changed since I started taking ADHD meds around a year? ago. And just, hyperfixations in general.

I've had hyperfixations since as long as I can remember, long before I even knew what they were or that there was even a word for it. Even as a kid I would get so fixated on something that I'd spend all my free time analyzing it, writing fanfics, scouring the internet in the glory days of AOL and Geocities/Angelfire/etc fan sites, making fanart and trying to surround myself with it as much as I could. Things I love would (and still do) seep their way into my own characters and stories in the form of inspiration or references.

I have a huge love/hate relationship with hyperfixations. I love having them because I'm just generally passionate about things I love and that goes into OVERDRIVE when a hyperfixations hits. I love having something that occupies my mind and gives me that rush of inspiration and adrenaline, especially when I'm able to draw or write about it. However, throughout my life it's always been seen as a negative thing to people in my life. Having people say "is this your obsession of the week" or implying that once I'm "over it" I won't like the thing and I'll move on to something else.

Which brings me to the other reason I hate hyperfixations. I hate the guilt and feeling of abandonment? when I feel it start to fade, or when I feel myself being drawn to something else. I hate the lingering worry that people won't think I'm a "real fan." I'm sure these feelings are due to people making me feel self-conscious about it throughout my life, and it's still something I struggle with.

It's so rare for me to permanently lose an interest. When a hyperfixation goes dormant it doesn't mean I love the thing any less. I've realized that, nowadays, I try to keep my hyperfixations to myself (mostly IRL) and not make it obvious what I'm currently focused on. I find myself feeling nervous and mildly ashamed to share my hyperfixations with people close to me IRL. And it frustrates me that I feel that way.

I suffer quite a lot from imposter syndrome and rejection sensitivity so I'm sure that plays a big part.

But on to how my meds affected my hyperfixations. When I first got diagnosed with ADHD and meds were discussed I was so afraid I would lose my ability to hyperfixate on things. It's always been that I fixate on something, it lasts generally from a month to three months until my focus shifts to something else. I've never really been able to hyperfixate on more than one thing. But since I started taking meds I find I not only can hyperfixate on more than one thing at a time, but they're lasting so much longer. It's like they're not going dormant like they used to. There's a period where the focus and obsession is at its peak and then it dwindles down but still sticks around while something else takes focus. And where a hyperfixation would normally last three months or so, now they're just... There. I've been focused on The Sims and Jem and the Holograms since I started taking meds, and they occupy my mind all day on rotation alongside more recent hyperfixations like AMC's Hell On Wheels and my own characters. If I had a single micron of free time in my life right now I guarantee every second of it would be spent doing fanart or fanfics lol.

ANYWAY it's past 5am and my eyes are sizzling out of my head. Thank you for coming to my insomnia ramble.

[aromanticgarbage]

If Joji decides to retire this year, do you think your obsession with him will end? Or would you still follow all his old stuff and that will keep you going?

He retired from social media already, youtube as well and he won't be coming back to any of that, let's be honest. All is left is his music, and I personally feel like he's over it. Not only the tiring/ repetitive touring, but the set path of the music industry where you don't just create stuff for fun but it's expected of you every few years> tour > rinse and repeat.

Just trying to have a convo, we like to hear your opinions :)

First of all, I don't think that he is going to retire any time soon? The man has been making music nonstop (comedic or not) since he was a preteen AND at this point in his life its his main source of income. He has talked in several interviews in 2018 and then again in 2020 about having philanthropic goals, wanting to help in the medical field and stuff but not having the funds for it yet (x). Assuming that he still has those goals and he hasnt suddenly gotten bored of music (a thing he has loved since he was a kid) i just cant see him suddenly retiring. There's a chance that maybe he wont keep up with his "new album every two years" pattern but i personally wouldn't be mad about that. I know that people love to complain about him not dropping music often enough but from my perspective, two years isn't a long time to wait for a new album. I listen to Fiona Apple too and she drops new music once every eight years. I listen to bands who broke up decades ago and bands whose main vocalists committed suicide before i was even born. Waiting doesn't mean anything to me. Also im so late to the party, i have a literal decade of his old and more recent content to get through (music, comedy, all of it).

Second of all, my obsession with him will fade away eventually either way !!! Ive been obsessed with many things (media, shows, musicals, music artists etcetera etcetera) over the years, i know how this works. Last year i was listening to the 2006 cast recording of company the musical starring Raúl Esparza everyday Non Stop. At some point i moved on to other things. Doesn't mean that i don't still smile whenever a song from this musical makes its way onto my spotify queue, or whenever a new photo of Raúl gets posted online. Unless something bad happens that sours the experience for me (most notable example: harry p*tter) i always think fondly of my past hyperfixations. Plus I genuinely love Joji's music. Im not in it just for his cute face !!! I will probably always have a soft spot for these songs even if (emphasis on if) he drops off the face of the earth and never releases anything ever again.

When it comes to his retirement from social media (permanent or temporary) all i honestly have to say about it is this: GOOD for him. Instagram is hell. Twitter is a fucking cesspool that has given me a headache every single one of the five (5) times ive dared to try and use it. If you use twitter routinely, my trust on your character automatically lessens, sorry. And since i only ever unfollow artists on insta for uploading TOO often I don't really have an issue with his inactivity. I wasn't a fan of his when he was still active on his socials, I don't have the experience necessary to miss this. I'm enjoying his old posts and that's good enough for me.

When it comes to youtube, he is definitely never going back to filthy frank that one is a fact and people who act like he would even want to are delusional. Sorry. Nonetheless, Plummcorp is a thing that has been going on for a while now, and even tho personally i haven't really gotten into it, Joji's involvement in it is undeniable. We will probably never know how involved in it he actually is and he will most definitely never show his face on that channel. Still, he is back on youtube in a way and thats also a fact. Even if he's keeping things lowkey (as is his right).

And to go back to the music !!! The tours he is probably really tired of, that one i feel like it's true. A lot of artists probably are, travelling around for months on end can't be easy. I remember Mitski being particularly open about how shitty they made her feel. There was also this old interview where he explicitly said that he is not cut out for the tour life, ("i like to sleep and i like to be alone a lot" x ). That was very early in his career (2017). And taking the fact that he had to cancel some of his shows last year for medical reasons, its important to take into account the fact that his health problems don't make any of this easier for him. I have no way of knowing what his opinion is on the music industry but hes been working on music for years now (even before he really started his solo career) and it was his literal childhood dream to work in this industry. He probably knew how it works before he got into it fulltime.

Tldr: joji can do whatever he wants forever. Im okay either way.

Anyway those have been my two cents !!! Thank you for your questions, they were very interesting.

[wilsons-journey]

Lore drop? Lore drop! (long ramble incoming)

Because I have no idea how to fit everything in this blog. So much stuff, so less time to draw / tell it all.

So who is Israfil? Like Valefor or Kying - he is based of a OC of mine. He is originally planned as Demon. Valefor as an Oni (own interpretation) and Israfil as a different kind of Demon. A stronger one, that actually created the Demons to which Valefor belongs. Sounds similar to the training ground, huh? I tweaked their Story to fit into Tyria Lore and have a place to put my hyperfixation for these idiots in. (I still haven't figured out their appearance as demons. And they will be most likely get a human appearance... I can't draw RIP.) Little fun Sidenote: Kying in his original AU belongs to a kind of species, that has the ability to track down those magical creatures. Like Demons. His kind don't has a name yet.

Now. Israfil in Tyria Lore. Before the release of SotO he was planned as a lesser Dragon Servant. Nothing special. Now I'm thinking about him being a lesser Demon. It would fit even more. He got in touch with a lot of magic. That changed him. Even more, when he crashed into a Charr by accident. He devoured him and took on his appearance - allowing him to walk among the mortals. But he yearns for more and more magic. He feast on it, like a parasite. He lives to survive and to expand. In the beginning it was just that - feasting on magic. But with the time he grew more and more hungry. And the more Magic he devoured,... the more he evolved from a mindless creature into a thinking being. At the same time his taste changed. Magic alone was not enough anymore. He started devouring other creatures, too. With the newly acquired foresight, he started to planing out his moves, how he get more of the things he needs.

With that he created the training ground, to train his very own Pawns. First only to feast on them - later to train them to fetch him magic. Be it raw, in artefacts or... people. For the last point, he developed a special weapon that holds their souls. And with it his organization was born.

Because of his own need to survive, he is obsessed of Valefor. He saw that man fight for his life over and over again. In a pit he created to his amusement and to feast (Again, he is one very hungry boy). But Valefor refused to die - that's why he decided: You are my Champion now. Yes. Excatly this. This don't go as usual, but he still manages to bind Valefor to him.

And in short: The topic around the Void inspired me to throw Israfil in there. So he is basicly a walking mass of conscious void. An anomaly. And you can't really kill him.

Now into some more spoiler territorial. (like SotO)

He will have a very hard time, when Aurene starts to cleanse the world from this corrupt magic. He will slowly but surely start to fade away - forcing him back to this former, weak self - a lesser demon.

I'm not sure yet if he just vanishes or if he grew into a huge problem once more. I will decide with the upcoming SotO Chapters.

----

But that's what I had in mind for this nasty man. And I really wanted to talk about it. Thank you for reading through ♥

[astralscrivener]

do you wonder if your klance obsession will ever go away? has it dwindled over the last few years? because for me mine stopped at the end of 2020 when i found a new fandom to be interested in, but since the beginning of this year my love for those space boys came back full force it makes me worry that i'll never truly get over them. they made me read fics and join a fandom for the first time which might explain why i'm so overly attached but yea

i think like any interest or obsession it may well fade with time

my longest obsession prior to vld/kl lasted about 4 years (and was usurped by kl) so the fact that i'm going on 7 years here is very interesting, tho i think part of that is because

i got obsessed during a time in my life when i still had like. free time. lmao

i got obsessed when i was going through a lot of change and tumult and was simultaneously projecting onto and taking comfort in these characters (to the point where some may argue they have been oc-ified a bit) (if anyone sees a book out in 5-10 years that reminds them of the vld characters no u don't)

i do think i was starting to finally be "free" / lose my interest at the end of 2019 / very beginning of 2020, but rapidly regained my obsession once the pandemic began and people began turning to old favorite things for comfort

at the moment my obsession waxes and wanes, and sometimes i'm like "oh i'm never getting out of here" and then a few days later i'm like "man am i losing my attachment to them?" it comes and goes

but really, i don't think it matters too much in one direction or the other honestly?

everyone's relationship to books and movies and tv and songs and bands and characters and whatever is highly personal, so what really matters the most is youre having fun and it sparks joy, right? and i think there is also a weird push to "move on" or get over something as soon as the next best thing comes along (i think it's a very capitalistic mindset but that's a rant for another day) when the truth is people have been writing for the same fandoms for decades. for some others it is a passing hyperfixation that they enjoy while it lasts. for me i just have a growing group of characters living inside my head at all times. sometimes they yell and clamor for me to write about them but sometimes they are just vibing and that is perfectly okay

i hope this answers ur question and thank u for sharing !

[issytheamateurnerd]

As the year comes to a close, I look back at what Tumblr has been for me this year. Despite how little I post or provide you all are there for me, you all support me, which is kinda the reason I haven't put out this post yet. For a long time my obsession with Hitman had faded. I still love the games, but I feel as if I've given what I wanted to the fandom. I want to interact with Tumblr and mutuals but it's like I have nothing left to say. So, I'm moving on. Hitman will still be a part of my blog but not nearly as frequently, I'm ready to include my other hyperfixations. So thank you my mutuals, my friends, for encouraging me no matter what, but if I am going to continue my artistic journey, my blog needs to change, it will no longer be solely a Hitman blog. Like always, Madeleine Burnwood is free domain as long as she's kept true and not used in gross things.

Thank you for everything my friends, I love you, Happy New Year 🎊���️😊

[anonymousbeefriendfanfics]

Um. Hi. I am actually alive! Ahahaha....

Sorry about the impromptu hiatus, friends. I'm like 85% sure I have some variety of ADHD and basically, if I'm not Very Invested In The Thing, I have significant amounts of difficulty doing The Thing at all. And, well... unsurprisingly, my hyperfixation on the arcana/fictif has faded into the abyss at about the same time as the stories themselves have. I still have both apps on my phone, though I'm not sure why. I suppose I'm afraid I'll lose them somehow, if I delete them, though I know there will be no further updates. Buuuuuut I digress!

So. For once in my life I don't have a main fandom I'm utterly obsessed with! And yet, I have suddenly found myself wanting to write again... so I suppose I have a few options, and I may as well let you all in on the fun, too!

It's poll time, baybee!

Option 1 - Open up my options for requests and take them for any fandom/character I feel confident enough to write for, likely sticking to headcannon list thingies instead of full fics. I'll still do Fictif/Arcana stuff too, don't worry! It'll actually be towards the top of my list, because it's my most recent obsession. Full disclosure: I've been on a little bit of a visual novel kick lately, so you can expect a lot of those in my content list, hehe~

Option 2 - Stick to what you all are here for, reread the routes and fics and such and try to get back to writing almost exclusively for Fictif/Arcana, and try to get out all of those requests I've promised... This will probably be the slowest option tbh, because I think I need to switch something up to get back into writing like I was, but I would be willing to do this if that's what you guys prefer! I'll probably still slip in the occasional thing from other fandoms, because whatever gets me writing, you know? But I'll focus primarily on this fandom.

Option 3 - Shift my focus from fandom content and move into OC content. You'll still get occasional fandom things when I have the inspiration, don't worry! I have one OC/reader insert that I use everywhere, because of various reasons, but the poor thing is horrifically undeveloped, and recently I've been working to fix that and expand on her life and background characters. I've never introduced her to you all, mostly because I just... didn't think you would be interested, and because I was afraid that bringing her into the spotlight would let you all see through the paper-thin veil of her character into the awful void behind it. But she actually feels like a character now, largely thanks to one of my best friends, who has pushed me to develop her further and helped compensate for the areas I'm lacking. You know who you are and you have my eternal gratitude.

Option 4 - Yes. Do all of that. I'll bring in other fandoms to try and spice things up, but try to keep a decent bit of focus on reviving the poor Fictif/Arcana fandoms, while also introducing you to my OC and working on her. You might get the occasional x character fic about her, but I'll try to keep primarily focusing on the x reader/insert ones.

Option 5 - Yes, but make a separate account to do the OC stuff on. I know OCs aren't everyone's cup of tea, and you might not want to deal with that, so I could always do a separate account. I do keep things pretty well organized here, though, so I highly doubt it would be terribly intrusive while you're trying to find my non-oc work.