#my grandpa was such a specific type of old man it's honestly so fun to spot other ones of his kind out in the wild

[teenagefeeling]

omg i also met an 82 year old man at work tonight (he told me his age multiple times) who had like, the exact same personality as my grandfather. it was like he had come back to life, this guy stood at the desk for 10 literal entire minutes telling me about how he had just bought a smartphone and couldn't figure out how to use it. i said maybe 3-5 words the entire time. it was glorious.

[rollflasher]

So, since I’ve been fond of writing pseudo-essay type of posts regarding Sonic, I might as well do another one that’s similar to my hot take regarding Shadow, in particular involving a topic I talked about with some friends that involves the character.

Those who follow my blog will be aware that as time went on, I became a lot more critical of the idea of Eggman getting softened in a misguided attempt at making him more human, mostly because this in turn comes with the implication that he’s ‘’not so bad after all’’, despite the fact that the character’s selfish acts don’t match up with that. Well, there is another reason I have for thinking that keeping Eggman an evil bastard gives the character even more depth than what could be initially thought of and it specifically involves his connection with Shadow.

Both Eggman and Shadow are the extensions of Gerald’s will, and the contrast between the two characters’ agency is incredibly interesting to say the least.

Now let me explain what I mean by this, last time I wrote a whole essay about why Shadow’s agency in his devotion to justice is so important, and why he shouldn’t be tied to a morality pet in order to be an unambigous hero, but when you look at Eggman’s character there is a surprising contrast in his own agency and there’s a lot to be said about it.

Just like Sonic, canonically we don’t know much about Eggman’s past other than the fact that Gerald was his hero and role model, but what we do know is that we all did it together he didn’t know exactly what went down when the ARK got shut down, so we can confirm that for all intents and purposes Eggman most likely never angsted about his grandpa’s death, chances are he may have not been aware of it and by the time he did, he probably couldn’t care less by that point. (As a matter of fact, in SA2 when he mentions he found Gerald’s diary, he was more interested in the benefits he could get from it instead of what exactly happened to his grandfather) With this in mind, it’s safe to assume that Eggman did not endure a difficult childhood and probably it was quite the contrary, after all we are talking about a psychopatic manchild who’s massive ego has an endless hunger for attention, that ego had to come from somewhere.

This is a stark contrast with Shadow, who’s past we know very well, he has every reason to hate humans and do evil out of vengeance, whereas Eggman quite frankly lacks any reason whatsoever to hold grudges against the world.

Not only that, but unlike Shadow, Eggman’s motivations are completely selfish. When you think about it, Eggman has gotten chances to redeem himself, he’s worked with Sonic before and in the end of SA2, he got a moment to reflect with Tails...and yet, he still decides to be evil and if that wasn’t enough, with each game he appears to get progressively worse. Why? Because Eggman lacks empathy, he understands others' suffering but is too apathetic, as long as it doesn’t affect him it’s not his problem. All Eggman cares about is having the world all for himself, as he puts it, it doesn’t matter how much damage he causes as long as there is something to conquer, even if he has to enslave others or take lives for that matter. He doesn’t care about allies and when he does show care for his creations, he’s pretty much congratulating himself and we know from the E-Series robots’ perspective that living as Eggman’s creation is not pretty. This makes quite the contrast with how Shadow is troubled by the idea of making a bad use of his powers.

Okay, but what does this have to do with Eggman and Shadow being the extension of Gerald’s will? Simple, Eggman goes against everything his grandfather stood for, but in a way serves as a perfect representation of Gerald’s genius being used for wrong, and in a way mirrors how he ended when he eventually went insane.

Gerald dedicated his life to the benefit of mankind and was genuinely a good man who loved his creations as family, hence him considering Shadow his son, and he clearly cared about life-forms like him and Emerl having a soul and being individuals rather than weapons of war. Eggman in contrast only lives for his selfish desires and prefers a world where everyone is devoid of a soul, only living for the benefit of him. Meanwhile, Shadow being a hero out of his own will fits perfectly with the legacy old Gerald had, not because such role was imposed on him, but because that’s his nature.

When Gerald went insane, you can say that he became just as selfish as the people he condemned, because once he jumped the slippery slope, he only cared about satisfying his own wrath and eventually threw away his previous philanthropist ideals. In a way, while not motivated by revenge, Eggman fits perfectly with that selfishness that corrupted Gerald and could be seen as a representation of that darker side of the genius of the Robotnik family being used for malicious purposes.

Shadow represents the good legacy of Gerald while Eggman represents the darkness of it. Both characters had moments where they could have taken another path, but whereas Shadow eventually had the maturity to move on and do good because that’s the right thing to do regardless of having every reason to hold a grudge and not do so, Eggman chose to do evil because he simply refuses to change, the world never wronged him and gave him chances for an epiphany but the doctor is just too emotionally stunted and self-centered to ever change his ways, if there’s no Eggman Empire, life simply has no meaning for him.

Honestly, while Sonic will always be Eggman’s nemesis, I find it fascinating to notice just how deep Shadow and Eggman’s parallels could get, in a way, they can really reinforce the message that it’s choices what defines people, not their past. I think exploring the deeper implications of this makes the Robotnik family more interesting and even somewhat tragic, and is something that could have a lot of potential. Shame that IDW had the perfect chance to explore that but completely wasted it, but that’s besides the point.

Am I analysing a bit too much a franchise about a blue hedgehog? Probably, but it’s still pretty fun.

[thelightofthingshopedfor]

so it turns out I have gay relatives in my extended family. like, at least few of them, at least two of which are still alive--one of them married his husband relatively recently as a fairly old man (because. you know. presumably he had to wait until it was legal) but was apparently out in the 70s and my conservative grandparents still sold him their house at the time to keep it in the family. another one is closer to my dad’s age and he’s been in semi-regular contact with her on Facebook because they’re both interested in tracing and preserving info from their shared family tree (and, hilariously, her dad was also gay I guess?).

and I’m--kind of overwhelmed about this? mostly in a good way! but like...I had no idea. I mean it doesn’t seem unreasonable that there would be somebody, because my extended family is pretty big, but there wasn’t anybody I’d actually met, and I was raised super conservative/evangelical because my parents were both raised conservative because my grandparents have always been conservative, and the extended family I knew best growing up (my dad’s brother and his family) were also pretty damn conservative, so I just...sort of assumed I was either the first queer in my general family circle or the first one to be at all open about it. and I’ve also been worried that my grandparents specifically would have a problem with that, which is a big part of the reason I haven’t made any effort to visit them since 2016...and now I find out they sold a house to their out gay cousin in the 70s. I mean I have no idea if they’re still in contact with him at all or if it was a very close relationship at the time, but according to my dad, everybody knew about it and it just...wasn’t an issue, apparently?? the family was generally cool with it??

which, I mean...that does make me feel better about the chances of my grandparents deciding they can’t have anything to do with me until I stop being queer and liberal! (I’ve also discovered recently that my grandpa’s brother, and presumably a lot of other people on his side of the family, are a lot more progressive than my grandparents are, so I’m simultaneously like...cool, that also indicates my chances are better than I thought, and I’m frustrated that I just happened to be born on the fundie side of the family!)

and I’m honestly really, really touched that my dad told me this stuff, because he’s acknowledged me being ace but has basically dealt with me being otherwise queer by pretending I haven’t said anything even when I literally bring it up in conversation (which, yes, I kind of make an effort to do sometimes, because I don’t want him to be able to ignore it, and it pisses me off when he does). but then last night we went to this outdoor concert and he was like, by the way, there’s some family history tidbits it occurred to me you might not know about and might want to know, and then he told me about these gay relatives that I didn’t know I had. I mean, talking about family history and showing old pictures isn’t at all unusual, but this was...intentional and specific, telling me about my gay relatives because he thought I’d like to know, and showing me pictures from the 70s of, like, my grandparents hanging out with a gay relative or two like it was no big deal, and more recent pictures of the wedding between two old men I didn’t know I was related to. and honestly I got a little emotional about it at the time, and I’m tearing up again because the pictures are on Facebook and I’m looking at them going holy shit there was a gay wedding in my family. I have gay relatives I can maybe talk to and get to know. my own grandparents might not care, actually, that I’m queer.

but at the same time--

my grandpa was a Democrat, a long time ago--a state legislator for the party, even, before he switched parties. I don’t know why he switched. all I know is that he and my grandma have been very conservative for as long as I’ve been alive, which is why my dad’s always been so conservative, which is why I was raised in this toxic, compassionless ideology and didn’t even begin to realize I might be queer until after college. hell, it’s the reason I cringe at a lot of bigoted things I used to believe, and all I can really do to make myself feel better about that is to remind myself that I did change, drastically if gradually, once I realized it was an option--and to hope that I didn’t actually influence anyone when I parroted all the fundie stuff I was raised believing. to the best of my knowledge, my grandparents have been single-ticket Republican voters for a long time and probably still are--I know my parents were when I was growing up, too, and although I’ve gotten my mom to stop reflexively voting for particularly awful Republicans, I strongly suspect my dad still mostly votes GOP. any time political stuff comes up, he just wants to argue with me, either because he figures I don’t know what I’m talking about or because he’s the type of person who always thinks it’s fun to play devil’s advocate (which is...the same thing really, at least when he does it, because it sure seems to be based on the premise of “well you don’t really know what you’re talking about because I bet you haven’t considered this”). I’m sure my grandparents still watch Fox News. I know my dad at least used to listen to a lot of Rush Limbaugh. I know he still thinks Ronald Reagan was one of our truly great presidents. he acts like he’s enlightened or whatever but I remember the mocking shit he always said about things like multiculturalism, sensitivity training, feminism (except he talked about “women’s libbers”), liberals in general, and basically anyone who didn’t think various equal rights issues were done and dusted by the 80s at the latest.

(I have a very specific memory of a time on a family vacation at some point in the 90s when the Supreme Court, I guess, had just upheld a ruling that kept gay marriage illegal, and my dad encountered this old guy looking at a headline about it who asked him, “does that mean queers can’t get married?” my dad confirmed it did, and the old guy said, “Praise God!” and my dad told us about this later like it was a very funny joke. he even added that he was tempted to answer “no, sweetie, we can’t,” with an affected effeminate voice and a limp-wrist gesture to match, just to mess with the old guy a little, but even then it was obvious to me the old guy wasn’t the one really being mocked.)

and this whole time they had gay family members, knew they had gay family members, apparently didn’t hate them as individuals or even think they were particularly wrong for being gay, and...they still supported these hateful pundits, still voted for politicians who would make queer people’s lives materially worse, still passed this shit down to the next generation and the generation after that. and it has probably never occurred to them that there could be something wrong--or even just dissonant--about that.

I don’t know what to do with it. it’s a good thing, and I’m happy to know it, and I’m still genuinely very touched that my dad realized this was something I specifically would want to know, and...there’s all this other ugly stuff wrapped up with it too. and I don’t know what to do with it.

[feysooah]

HIHI ! 

I go by Fany & she/her -- it’s been a looong time since I rped so honestly pretty excited to be here and get this muse on the road :> no lie it’ll probably take me a bit to adjust and get in the groove of things so forgive my extra slowness but I’d love to plot n chat with all of you peeps like actually please lets !! do have a profile page up you’re free to check ( still being worked on shh ), and a rules page that’s really just more an info dump about rping with this mun & muse and some stuff about me in general if you’re curious ye

don’t have any plots up for grabs sadly, yet, but brainstorming is much welcome

here’s some tidbits about muse that might be helpful in the meanwhile tho ;

to start off, where she actually comes from;

From where her lineage diverged the Gwan bloodline has notoriously been known as very powerful divination magick practitioners within the Kyegeum house

alongside being super cordial with other houses and often the other genera as well, but generally aloof in matters that did not strictly concern them. this extended to the normal world and society as well

this was especially true for her grandpa, Gwan Youngchul

who ended up being turned in a surprise attack from a werewolf when the man had been out with his familiar companion -- Seok -- who despite best efforts could not save the witch from this sudden fate, could not stop their treasured bond severing

and despite managing to keep Youngchul alive through the whole ordeal, it would not take long ( if anything, suspiciously quick ) for a certain group of hunters to get whiff of the circumstance and swiftly rid off the ex-witch

Perhaps one bright side to look at was that he was able to communicate last wishes, some of which had already been written on letters hidden for the chance of an unlucky situation such as the one they were currently in arising. one of the wishes being a plea to protect his only daughter Jiyeong

At a tender age of seventeen Jiyeong took the news with surprising grace, not to say she wasn’t devastated and cried but what seemed to be request of her father to bond with his familiar was accepted after a moment of thinking it over, and bonding ritual decided to take place within the week

Jiyeong’s mother had been the one to mainly oversee her training once abilities started manifesting, a Kyegeum witch herself, with very different abilities compared to her husband

It was perhaps no surprise then that Jiyeong became very adamant not long after father’s death to focus studies and abilities on what her father had been so revered for; divination

something his older sister, Jiyeong’s aunt, was known for as well and gladly helped the girl with alongside taking the widowed family under her wing and protection

Jiyong followed after her father’s footsteps in many other things, most notably making friends and upholding favorable relations to the other houses, other genera as well

was endlessly fond of nature magic too, had an abundance of flowers and plants in every nook and cranny, a beautiful garden she tended to with care

many would even say she was touched by the sun itself, vibrant and warm soul she was, nurturing not with only plants but people themselves

eventually met a man who slowly swept Jiyeong off her feet, and not but a few years later they had a child, naming her Sooah. my muse. we’ll get to her in a bit I promise ._.

the man aka Dad is a human, just plain ole’ human. orphaned at a young age so while they wouldn’t know for certain if he has any sliver of witchy magic in him it’s unlikely

insists he fell in love with Jiyong at first sight pretty much. which is frankly understandable she was such a lovely person ;u;

was surprisingly chill about all the, well, witch stuff and whatnot, very curious too but also did want her to be careful and if possible not be that involved with that world

for about next 10 years things went on fairly normally, ya know, living the happy family life, going to work, mingling with the magical side of society

then she started getting sick every so often, out of the blue, however nothing even remotely seeming serious. though it was odd for a witch to be affected with flu so often

she didn’t think it was serious itself, and had a habit of hiding it in the beginning too when it wasn’t even noticeable

until it got to the point it simply could not be ignored, could not be just a passing small thing, could not be cured by any means she knew

and the next thing anyone else knew she was gone. almost like someone had reached and snuffed out her flame, just like that

where in the story we get to Sooah, so;

her early life wasn’t that special in honesty, if you don’t count all the stories her mother told about the secret magical world she too would be part of one day, and the lineage she was to inherit, abilities she would discover, all to be learned together

she had been a deviously curious child, daydreaming every other moment and next begging to see if even take part in what her mother was doing with her own magick

Sooah was quite interested in the guy sometimes accompanying her too, a friendly face she’d grown to know as Seok who she had learned eventually was mom’s bonded familiar, a fact she was entirely too excited about. but who also was before bonded to her grandpa that the girl never got to meet herself

would not fail to mention to him many times how she was going to one day find a familiar to bond with too, someone who was fun and kind and wanted to go on adventures and they would be the bestests of friends ever. and definitely cooler than him

she was always eager to understand and practice the power inside her in general, which she was starting to more and more by the days, before the sudden passing of her mother

it broke her :<

dad too, for a while he was nothing but basically a walking shell. she’s sure neither of them really truly recovered

backtracking just a lil because one very, very important notion was the familiar was of course bound to die soon along with the mom, Sooah was well aware of the fact by then and while she was stricken by grief at the time she was dedicated to finding him, no real plan in mind but urgent to know he was okay, like it would somehow make the situation any better

she did end up meeting him, understandably shaken himself but apparently already accepted own fate-- which at the moment did not sit well with her at all and Sooah, not even yet 14 years old, decided she was not going to let him just wither away and die alone how horrible would that be, how sad for that to be the end when her mom had exuded everything opposite, she was not going to let that happen no matter what

which meant the only thing she could actually do was to bond with Seok and by sheer force of will and maybe some tears - definitely some tears - did manage to convince for him to agree to it

a whole mess

she doesn’t regret it one bit, absolutely refuses to, yet does occasionally wonder if it was the right thing to do or even fair to him

but ultimately she’s glad he is in her life, aiding in any matter she may require, definitely now seen as a big brother she never had-- if she’s not too busy calling him grandpa bc seriously he’s old as all fuck. it still surprises her from time to time

( okay but it is hilarious to think Seok going from being as old as he was, looking about 40 to then having a 14 year old’s body lmaoo )

bless the grandma tho she was really a rock in this emotional time, even though she was dealing with the loss of her daughter, after having lost her husband so early in their lives too !

she kinda took over seeing to Sooah’s teaching and helping in any other way as well, more than welcoming to having her stay over for however long she needed or wanted to

she’s still thankfully alive and has a good relationship with both Sooah and Seok ;u;

Dad on the other hand.

they have both moved out of the house the family used to occupy with mom, into their own places

also have a somewhat strained relationship nowadays, more to do with his insistence on getting her to quit all the witch stuff cause it’s dangerous yadda yadda and she’s obviously not going to do that

not to say she’s not paranoid herself, and knowing how both her mom and grandpa died barely halfway into their lives even more so

it’s not only made her fearful of same fate but made her swear to stay away from any sort of divination magic if she can help it, somehow convinced that to be a factor in all of it

does have randomly prophetic dreams though, but nothing that has been major or necessarily that important so she’s.. okay with that. kinda. does keep a dream journal just in case

It’s coming up 10 years after the mom’s death, so I’m sure there’s been some rumors or other witches wondering if the Gwan family was just cursed or something, probably mostly from older and the more traditional types. doesn’t help Soaah’s dad being a plain human. or that she’s not sure if that might just actually be the case oof

as thus she’s definitely a lot more withdrawn when it comes to the other houses, or even Kyegeum themselves, doesn’t exactly feel like part of the community if you will

but is friendly to everyone and usually can be outwardly seen as having nothing weird or unusual going on beyond what you’d expect of a typical witch in this day and age

designs and sometimes makes jewelry for The Gem Lab actually, or if an individual knows to ask her personally Sooah does take custom work too ! and yes they all have very carefully picked gems or crystals, often imbued with enchantments of basic protection or if one wants something very specific she can probably do it

is kinda rich?? like grandpa was very up in there and left part of his inheritance to the mom, who of course left part of hers to Sooah. who doesn’t really like using that money as it is so it’s just sitting in a whole separate account. probably partly also because she’s not exactly the best when it comes to handling finances so. yeah.

uhh

this is so long already god I’m not gonna get into her personality or any of that now, yall can figure it out along the way or read up what I have on her page -- which isn’t much yet but it is something !! I’m def figuring her out myself too as I go haha

so ay if you wanna plot drop by my ims please ;; I do have a discord if you feel that’s easier too just ask for it !

also go show some love to Seok  ouo

[lilmajorshawty]

favorite sun/moon combos?

Oh lord. Honestly hmm

Aries sun/Virgo moon: super easy going and relaxed and has a earthy side to them that I think is to die for! This tones down the impulsiveness and adds a touch of rationality when dealing with things that I like and they can be a nice blend of fiery and sensual.

Aries sun/Scorpio moon: “intense” they are pretty prolific honestly have strong feelings and treat everything in life similarly to their emotional landscape! I find them irresistible and I think it adds a nice level of depth to them and creates an interesting dynamic! The only take away is they can be a bit dramatic and overbearing.

Taurus sun/Aquarius moon: LIKE OMG? these guys and gals are so so sooooooooooooooooooooooo amazing! They have this air about them that seems so far away yet so grounded and in your face but in a very hard to grasp way. They’re very socially inclined and can really be brainiacs! I adore the way they carry themselves and I honestly think as stubborn as they may be due to the double fixed energy they can be so giving and charitable.

Taurus sun/Leo moon: probably my 2nd favorite! My cousin has this combo and he’s very self assure and confident but Taurus has a humbling affect here for Leo moon and tones down the arrogance and more “me me me” lower aspects of this moon! They are very powerful and have a heavy presence that demands respect and they often are liked by like everyone due to how authentic and real they are! But yeah I think this is a great team.

Taurus sun/gemini moon: 💗💗 my mom has this and a close friend! Super super upbeat place for Taurus and also they can be so air headed and all over the place but in a cutesy way! It also gives Taurus the ability to let go of grudges and move on with their lives! Like this combo is super easy going and forever childlike. Albeit they can be emotionally immature(takes a while for them to understand their emotions) but overall super great.

Cancer sun/libra moon: for some reason this has a Scorpio vibe? Like most I’ve known with this tend to be high key private and secretive. But overall they are super super sweet and sensitive! Albeit the downsides here are extreme indecisiveness and outright self led denial they are still very caring and optimistic for the most part and know how to get along with practically anyone like seriously these guys are the epitomes of socially sophisticated! But i love them so so much.

Cancer sun/Aquarius moon: one of my friends has this and she is..hmm like hot and cold? Summer and winter!? Her desires never match up and she can be a little aloof and cold emotionally and then crying a storm and clingy the next. I actually love this dynamic because it calls for a lot of growth from a person! These people are very complex and can have so many desires running around inside that they don’t learn how to properly express until later on in life. But overall I love them! Wise beyond their years and extremely open and free spirited! They’re not as emotional as most cancers and are very strong willed and independent.

Cancer sun/Scorpio moon: okay. So..this is will Ferrell and I’m in love with him???? But loool yeah these folks are sooooooooo mushy and sweet and huge ol softies! Cancer seems to water down the affect of Scorpio here and can actually make these guys a lot more forthcoming about their emotions and a lot more open about what their private moon in Scorpio is feeling! They naturally seem to be able to be perceptive and idk like they are super open about their feelings for the most part like their still intense moon in scorpios and what not but they don’t really hide what their feeling.

Cancer sun/Capricorn moon: in my experience they’re soooooooooooooo complex. They have very grounded and serious emotions and I feel in awe when I’m in their space. They are so so wise and very emotionally aware and mature and rarely will you see them lose their head. They’re the types to vanish and go quiet though rather then let you know outright what’s up. I find them super attractive and forth coming.

Leo sun/Capricorn moon: HOTTTIES but that being said they can be ruthless. Very ambitious and money minded and tend to be less about gratification then most Leo’s and have a very dominate and powerful personality. They can be so blunt and so straightforward(ex: Arnold a.k.a terminator) but I love how strong they are and how they always put their best into all they do and don’t make excuses when they fail.

Virgo sun/Aquarius moon: super cute! They tend to be a bit more cooler in temperament and seem a bit hard to reach due to the doubled up analytical and non emotional tendencies of both these signs. But it also makes them super super sensitive and teddy bears underneath! I love how they can create warmth and comfort wherever they are and they are very smart and socially adapt individuals! They give of a Scorpio give as well :0

Virgo sun/cancer moon: OKAY LIKE MY BFFFFFFFFFFFF has this and they are so soooooo sweet and caring and endearing! This brings out the best qualities of Virgo and they tend to be super chill and go with the flow types. They can be super career minded and tend to be drawn to more affectionate and emotionally tempered people from what I’ve seen. They are so warm and loving albeit in a quiet way and love comfort! I get libra vibes from this combo.

Virgo sun/Leo moon: these guys are intense! They have strong ass personalities and normally are more outspoken then most Virgo suns. I like how passionate and real they can be! They have a “crowd” vs “loner” vibe and tend to fluctuate between “I am my pack” to “I am on my own” but overall I love them! I high key get Sagittarius vibes from this combo.

Libra sun/Scorpio moon: S E X Y like super hot.incredibly dangerous and will probably ruin your life in a very twilight like way. They come across as aloof from my experience and hide the more intense side of their personality. They are very secretive and hate people prying into their personal life. Super philosophical and morally based people and they don’t easily stress or take disrespect or antagonism to heart and easily move on from things. But at the same time SHIT HITS THEM DEEP. I love em their Cinnabons. I get cap vibes from this combo.

Scorpio sun/Aquarius moon: bby has this. And lemme say this is quite the fucking dynamic. They’re very private and tend to fluctuate between icy and lustful. They have a chameleon like personality and can vibe or blend in anywhere! They have this passion about them boiling underneath their easy going pravada. They tend to be super huge sweethearts and have very easily aroused emotions. They super quirky and childlike but theirs a danger to emotional confusion because Scorpio and Aquarius are night and day. Overall love them.

Scorpio sun/ gemini moon: sooo cute and very multifaceted! They wear a lot of faces these guys and are the “intellectuals” they tend to be super scattered and childlike and Scorpio adds on to this making them easily thrown of track by new and better interest that catch their attention! They can have self esteem issues laying deep down from what I’ve seen.. they’re super skilled and talented though and have a strange yet fascinating mindset on the world and how it works.

Scorpio sun/Virgo moon: ONE WORD: P R I V A T E. these guys don’t like people in their personal space and usually take a while if at all to let you in their bubble. Their also a lot more critical of their flaws and others and tend to hold them self up to a specific criteria. I honestly say these are the papas and mamas! They are so tender and motherly to those they care about and can be babies if they feel like they’re being ignored! They want to be acknowledged even if they prefer to stay out of the limelight! I adore them they give me earthy Leo vibes.

Scorpio sun/Capricorn moon: this is Jon snow. And lemme just say this is so so sooooo fun! They actually have a very easy and warm presence and you don’t really ever feel the Capricorn energy in them but you know it’s there! They can be a bit standoffish and distanced but all the while they move in a aged way. Their movements are timeless and they have a very grandma and grandpa energy about them! They’re not as impulsive or possessive minded as most Scorpio suns and tend to actually emphasis on freedom and responsibility. They live life like loners and tend to see life as a journey and yes have I said I love this? They give me Taurus•Sagittarius vibes.

Sagittarius sun/Scorpio moon: THESE GUYS AND GALS ARE SOOO FREAKING HOT. Let me just say that I am enamored by this fucking combo. Like they really project that scorpion intensity and it’s heavy man! Their super independent and prefer to live life by their own accord. They’re not as open and friendly as most Sagittarius and usually have to get I know you before there freedom loving nature comes out! They can be a bit prissy and straightforward and have a bluntness about their energy. But man they are so magnetic! They have a playfully intimate nature and are so so soooo deep! If anything they give off a very high octave Scorpio energy.

Sagittarius sun/Capricorn moon: like honestly super grounded guys and gals! Not super spontaneous but they do have a reliable and sturdy nature that I love about them! They have this old time 80s flat/disco vibe about them. And if I could relate their vibe to anything particular it would be deux machina the movie. They are super chill and actually have such a calming affect. I love em!

Capricorn sun/Aquarius moon: these guys are so interesting like they always have like 11 different hobbies and tend to be fairly private and passive about them. They’re not super talkative types and usually stay to themselves but once you get them going? Their chatterboxes! They are also a bit odd and far out when it comes to concepts wise and my Venus in Gemini loves that aha!

Pisces sun/gemini moon: really genuinely sweet hearted people! They tend to always have a caring and loving atmosphere about them and you don’t really notice the airness in their nature honestly they come across as very wise and old and tend to have an emotional maturity about them that’s hard to miss! Their super dedicated and reliable and tend to never let life get them down! But honestly soooo sweet and have such a cancer like energy about them man!

Pisces sun/Aries moon: rih rih!! And yes honestly they are so confident and headstrong and aren’t as emotional as most Pisces suns from what I’ve noticed! They don’t really come across as sympathetic and ones I’ve met usually nurture others by supporting them and giving them tough love! Not to say they don’t cry or give hugs cause they do! They just aren’t super caught up in the emotional specter of life as they are more into the more impulsive and in the moment types. I get hella Aries vibes from this

Last but not least honorable mentions(ones I forgot and felt like I should’ve mentioned)Cancer sun/Aries moon(my placement) Taurus sun/Capricorn moon(sooooo hot) Pisces sun/Aquarius moon(😻😻)

[thehappiestandunluckiest]

The Time We Went on a Saga Holiday

Now, where do I begin with this one?

A SAGA holiday. Saga holidays are organised holidays for people aged 60+ and there are so many types. Cruises, excursions, couples exploring, and the best one, singletons holidays.

Let’s start from the beginning.

Back in 2016, we’d had a hard year (a little foreshadowing here, if we thought that was hard just wait a couple of years…). We couldn’t afford to go on our usual summer holiday but it was getting towards the end of the summer and we needed a break. So my mum and dad went searching and found this little summer town on the coast of Spain, only 3 hours away from us and they were having an end of season sale – perfect!

So we book, pack our bags for this two-night getaway and we’re off.

Looked it, booked it, fucked off! *it’s an inside joke*

So ever oblivious we wiz down to Spain in our beloved fiat 500 – far too fast, my dad likes to pretend he’s in fast and furious. And we get to the town.  It’s empty. It’s a ghost town! Now we didn’t care, after all, we live in the Algarve and we had had enough of tourists so some clean sheets, food and sun was enough. We rock up to the hotel, it's huge and promising, but! Now side note, my life seems to be filled with BUT’S and not the nice kind like Channing Tatum's butt- the bad kind, like when your mum says you can leave the table, but you have to take the rubbish out kind of but.

So outside this towering hotel that's guarded with palms and bird of paradise are 2 buses. Big buses. And swarming out of them is an army of 60 to 80-year-old Spanish men and women. 

Now, imagine this, you walk into a lobby, ready to dump your bags, change into a swimsuit and relax but instead, you're greeted by about 200 Spanish buzzing, imperial leather smelling, silver taloned old people. Now I don't want to offend anyone who’s of the 60 plus era, nor do I want to get the wrath of any angry Spanish people, but god it was a lot to take it. Now I have a Spanish godmother who I love dearly – shout out to Angela being the only godparent to stick by my side! But Latin blood boils FAR hotter than any other blood and the more mature the person – the worse. 

So my dad goes up to reception dodging the Spaniards like mines in a warzone. The reception is immediately so apologetic and transfer us to their sister hotel that’s 5 stars and just across the street. That’s great we drive over.

Oh -  but how the gods were against us on this one – or at least we thought that at first.

This lobby, equally as bombarded with OAPs* was a parallel universe to the last hotel but the difference was – they were single, 60 + year old Britons. This was going to be fun.

If I were to briefly and very broadly describe these lovely people, it would be like this. 

Some wore shell suits – they must have been jocks when they were younger, maybe they were playboys that never settled down. They leant against the walls chatting up the ladies. It was honestly very peculiar to watch and I did wonder what their pick up lines would be like? “My arteries are the only things that have hardened” *gags*

Then you have your cargo shorts, bright coloured polos and socks with sandals men - Now I’m not sure who the hell thought it was ok to send grandpa off with that many bad ideas in one suitcase, but they did. I would also like to take some time here to mention that MEN CAN GET CAMEL TOES TOO AND IT BURNT MY 16-YEAR-OLD EYES!

Next, we have similar to the last cargo shorts, socks and polos men but with trainers – now this is a special breed, the polos are usually less irritating to the eye (usually white or blue), they wear a belt a little too tight, and socks halfway up their calves. Usually, this specie is a university professor or a small town business owner. They don’t carry viagra pills with them everywhere and ask you about your family not your bra size like the jocks do.

Women. Now as most men would be able to confirm, explaining: describing; and understanding any woman ever, is like solving quantum physics formulae with a blindfold on whilst the room is on fire, but the women were mainly wearing fluorescent colours, lots of shawls and hot pink lipstick and ridiculously oversized beaded jewellery. They giggled like teenage girls talking about Harry Styles naked.

So, my brother and I had never gone on an all-inclusive holiday, and this was probably for our own good as we very quickly got on a sugar high that turned to a steep fall low off of all you can eat milkshakes and burgers.

 Literally, kids in a sweet shop.

It got to the evening and we went to the only restaurant open (my mum got food poisoning on our last day). We went back to the hotel for a nightcap – exhausting doing nothing all day. 

In the bar they were playing…. guess…go on……guess what they were playing…..BINGO!

Now the ever-competitive family we are, we had to join.

“TWO FAT LADIES- 88” “CLICKETY CLICK- 66!” – you’d think that’s what they were saying but no, that's not what they were saying. 

The two very Spanish hosts did not really speak English. Now if you speak very little of a language you usually don't know how to say 76, 89, you'd be lucky if you know 12, but god bless them, they were trying. They would pick the small bingo ball look at it to see if either of them knew how to pronounce it, shake their heads and choose another instead. It was very amusing. 

We were sat next to a sweet old man who, my best way of describing him is by saying – he was an exact look-alike of the pirate from SpongeBob square pants. So we are having that good old fashioned British banter with a stranger – super normal, but then he popped his eye out.

 HIS EYEBALL. 

OUT OF NOWHERE! 

Now we didn't know how to react to a strange old man passing us his glass eye with no context so we did the only feasible thing to do - grab it and inspect the ball itself but also the crater he just scooped it out of. God, I’m getting queazy just picturing him scooping it up out of his orbital socket like some rum and raisin icecream. *ew*

Minor distraction averted we win the game – more specifically my dad won the game and made sure everyone knew about it, and if looks could kill….

The grandmas weren't happy that he won a bottle of sparkling wine that costs about 6 euros to buy at the store and that you could get at the bar FOR FREE! Because it’s an all-inclusive holiday, but at the end of the day the famous saying goes ‘its the winning that counts!’ (that’s right, right?)

The rest of the night consisted of us talking to another family from the midlands who were actually on an intervention for their 40-year-old son who had lost his wife, custody of his kids and job to a gambling and alcohol addiction. He cried. A lot. It was very bizarre.

We went off to bed. At breakfast, we tried to avoid eye contact with the strange characters we had met the night before.

And left for home the next day.

Now, remember when I mentioned we travelled in our beloved fiat 500, which is the most glorious lawnmower motored vehicle to exist. Well, we didn't realise that we had to pay for parking and it got quite expensive. But oh so luckily the car is so small, that it fit on the sidewalk so we drove the car around the barrier on the sidewalk, ditched a small fortune and drove off into the sunset like the little parkour gangsters we are.

And that was the story of the family holiday that made my mum get food poisoning, my brother and I hate milkshakes and realise that we are in fact very lactose intolerant, and my dad win a very competitive game of bingo. This was the cheapest holiday we had ever been on and by far the best and funniest. We laugh about it often and its one that I can imagine sitting around the table 20 years from now still laughing at.

E. L. Wilson

[qorillas]

tagged by @latinsimonez! this was really fun to do lmao thank u for taggin me

answer 30 questions + tag 10 people you’d like to know better

-nicknames: ......i hesitate to inform you all of this but my uncle started calling me ‘the squish’ when i was a baby because i was so fat and now everyone on my mom’s side of the family calls me that more than they call me by my actual name. also sometimes people call me ari but not that often and my dad’s side of the family calls me arielita

-star sign: sad pisces binch

-gender: i’m a girl but. idk i’ve kinda been very slightly questioning it a little just to make sure? i’ve pretty much come to the conclusion that yup i’m a girl tho so 

-MBTI type: mainly infp, probably like 15% enfp because i get really excited when i’m around groups of people i love and Lose All Sense Of Boundaries. does that qualify me as enfp? i get tired being around most people tho so idk

-height: 5′5.5″ and yes the half inch COUNTS

-time: 10:41pm

-birthday: march 1. when i was little i couldn’t pronounce 1 correctly like i said “much fust” so everyone thought i was saying march 4 tho lmao 

-favorite bands: there’s this band called gorillaz i really like idk if anyone following me has heard of it tho :/// also phoenix, vampire weekend, the lumineers, glass animals, purity ring, young the giant, maroon 5, the beatles. i would die for ezra koenig and one time he liked something i tweeted at him and i cried for 10 minutes and my roommate took a video and made fun of me

-favorite solo artists: stromae, damon albarn, shawn wasabi, ingrid michaelson, childish gambino, nicki minaj, sohn, kanye west, lil wayne. gorillaz should collaborate with stromae also like i think they’d be good together

-song stuck in my head: ......the mii channel song but where each pause is uncomfortably long. yes i hate myself 

-last movie I watched: wonder woman like three months ago?? ? i like never go to the movies which is actually kind of a shame because going to the movies is one of my favorite things to do ever i know it’s like not that wild but i always get so excited wow i love movies

-last show I watched: rick and morty like the pickle rick episode. someone save morty and summer please i fucking hate beth

-other blogs: @ratqueenofficial is my main! also i have an art blog @ratqueenarts but i like never actually post there so. and i have multiple urls about antigone and about half mexican murdoc hoarded lmao

-when I created my blog: april 6 of this year but i made my main on new year’s eve because my friend came over so we could relaunch.......a semi-popular meme archiving blog whose name i’m not allowed to actually say because mods are a secret.........but anyway my old main had been around since 2013 and i wanted to start fresh so yeah

-what I post about: that son of a gun sure do love those gorillaz. also i post my own mediocre art and make shitposts and memes because i find myself hilarious and i write headcanons and am starting to do fics. but yeah it’s all centered around grillz, and sometimes like 1% damo but never hewll because. i don’t really like him lmao. i think my most common tag is murdoc and i know he sucks but i would fucking die for him in a heartbeat

-last thing I googled: ..........mii channel hip hop remix on youtube and i’ve had it on loop and my roommate hates me but. it’s a fucking bop okay don’t judge me

-following: 939

-followers: 1,233

-favorite color: yellow but like a Very Specific Yellow like strong golden yellow that one might be able to argue is actually orange but Bitch It Is Fucking Yellow (here it is) like half of everything i own is this color which was fun at first but one day i walked out of the house when it was raining and realized i was wearing yellow boots, a yellow raincoat, a yellow beanie, a yellow backpack and was holding a yellow umbrella and it was at that point that i realized that i had a Problem. my friends make fun of me for it rip

-average hours of sleep: half of the week it’s like 4 and half of the week it’s like 14 because of the ol’ depresh so i’m not actually sure at all. probably like 7 if i absolutely had to pick a number

-lucky number: 3

-instruments: classical piano (and i guess keyboard by extension) but i can’t sightread for shit (i’m good at playing by ear tho!), general percussion like bells and xylophone and marimba, i did tenor drum in marching band for like one year but i’m pretty horrible at non-mallet percussion lmao. also i had a vuvuzela for like two years but my roommate confiscated it because “vuvuzelas are not to be played at 3 in the morning, ariel” and anyway i don’t think it really counts

-what I’m wearing: glasses, black skinny jeans, my black x men sweatshirt that has like pictures of the vintage comic panels on it and yes i got it from hot topic don’t judge me for that i was like 14, dark blue baseball cap that says “best dad ever” across the front but i’m wearing it backwards because i’m cool. i got it for father’s day so that i could match with my grandpa

-how many blankets i sleep with: generally like 2 or 3 but at this point they’re all crumpled up at the bottom of the bed anyway so mainly just the big comforter and a throw blanket over that if it’s really cold

-dream jobs: oh man uhh. i used to think i wanted to be like a genetics/evolutionary biology professor and do research on evolution or cancer or hiv/aids and teach at like ucsf or something. or like work for nasa as an astrobiologist, or maybe work as a vet for a zoo. but now i don’t think i wanna do that anymore? to be quite honest if i could be 100% guaranteed whatever job i wanted i think i’d want to be a showrunner for an animated show on cartoon network or adult swim, like not something just with storyboards or animation, but like actually involved in the writing of the show. i’d love to write for a tv show on cartoon network or something like the office or brooklyn 99 or even a story-based video game, or maybe like do something where i get to just joke around and be funny all the time like what the mcelroys or game grumps do but. i have No Idea how to go about doing that and honestly i think jobs like that just happen to people randomly so it’s not really like, a Secure Job Option To Pursue. but i really hope somehow i end up doing something like that. i just wanna do something where i can create something meaningful that i’m proud of and see people connecting with it and feeling happy and inspired and less alone because of it, and maybe liking it so much a fandom or something grows around it. i’d be so fucking happy if that happened. 

-dream trip: i really want to go to new york with my jewish grandparents and see where they grew up and all the places they lived so i can finally experience all the places i’ve heard so many stories about? same thing with my abuelitos like i wanna go to mexicali with them or mérida in the yucatán and just see where they came from and where all their stories happened and meet all the relatives that they left behind when they came to the united states. also i think going to like, denmark or england or germany would be really cool? my friend studied abroad in england this summer and her snapchat story was full of dogs and random cows and those are some good things. i would very much like to softly caress a gentle english cow they have beautiful eyes

-favourite food: kbbq? ? ?? Bitch I Love KBBQ. fuck now i want kbbq. also mangoes, and deli sandwiches from the deli by my temple, and jazz apples, and sugary coffee, and sweet corn tamales, and high mountain milk tea with taro qq but sharetea stopped selling taro qq and i’m still salty because of that. and raw lemons because i’m an inhuman monster. can you tell i’m hungry rip

-nationality: american (specifically born and raised californian even though i know that’s not really a nationality but i love california so much you guys im so glad it’s my home) edit: apparently people are puttin in their ethnicities too on this?? ? i’m half american jewish which is. basically white lmao and half mexican idk i look super white tho im so pale rip

i tag @two-chi @drugstore-soulboy @murdoctrinated @murdochub @ephemeralprince @funeralshawls @astronomutual @maccamc @loboluchia @helloitsbees @grimdarkmatt @gorillahz @hewlll and i know that’s more than 10 but this is my house also like. if i tagged u and we Don’t Actually Talk it’s because i see u on my dash a lot and we’re mutuals and i think you’re Super Cool But I Am Too Shy To Actually Talk To You But Yeah I Think You’re Really Cool 

[skippyin]

The Dragon Angus Theory

I don’t know how many people know about this particular TAZ Theory but I discovered it last night in the TAZ Subreddit. There are thread discussions about this here and here. There could be more but these were the two I found.

In summary, the theory in general pertains to the fact that Angus might not be all that he seems, and that he might be a dragon in disguise. Specifically a Silver Dragon. Under the cut because this came out really long! (Don’t worry there’s a tldr at the bottom)

The above linked threads call upon some things he does in Murder on the Rockport Limited. The first raise of suspicion being that being Angus seems to be pretty strong for a little boy:

Griffin: And with that, Angus grabs Graham (aka juicy wizard), and with a surprising amount of strength for a little boy, pulls him out of the chamber. 

Another strange occurrence is when Merle tries to cast Zone of Truth on Angus and Angus resisted it with a surprising 24 for his saving throw.

Griffin: Uh, he rolled a 24.

Clint and Justin: What?

Justin: Can I- can I have a little side chat? If this fool just rolled a 24, he is uhh a really fucking bad guy. That’s like some mysterious shit.

Griffin then says a short while later

Griffin: He had a lotta charisma. He’s a charismatic young man.

This confirms that Angus has a very high charisma score. Silver Dragons have high Strength and Charisma scores. So Angus being a dragon who is polymorphed would actually allow this to make sense. Let’s take a brief look at the spell taken from the D&D 5e Monster Manual:

“Change Shape. The dragon magically polymorphs into a humanoid or beast that has a challenge rating no higher than its own, or back into its true form. It reverts to its true form if it dies. Any equipment it is wearing or carrying is absorbed or borne by the new form (the dragon's choice). In a new form, the dragon retains its alignment, hit points, Hit Dice, ability to speak, proficiencies, Legendary Resistance, lair actions, and Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma scores, as well as this action. Its statistics and capabilities are otherwise replaced by those of the new form, except any class features or legendary actions of that form.“

Now while it says the polymorphed dragon retains Intelligence, Wisdom, and Charisma, with Strength, Dexterity, and Constitution being altered to fit that of the new form, Griffin being the DM could always change this just to make things a little more interesting.

Another thing to point out is the fact that, when the body was discovered, Angus was the first to notice the invisible fire crab monster on the ceiling.

Griffin: Angus looks at you, and he goes,

Angus: We need to get Graham to a uh, a bed or something as quick as--

Griffin: And he stops and, uh, looks up, and he says,

Angus: Nobody move.

Dragons have an ability called Blindsight which allows them to detect creatures using their other senses like vibrations, keen smell, acute hearing, or echolocation. Making invisibility, darkness, and most kinds of concealment irrelevant.

To see if I could find any more evidence for the theory, I did a little digging in the 5e Monster Manual and looked at the section dedicated to Dragons. Specifically Metallic Silver Dragons. And... It spookily fits.... Here’s what I found:

Silver Dragons are The friendliest and most social of the metallic dragons, silver dragons cheerfully assist good creatures in need.

Silver Dragons are Lawful Good.

"Dragons of Virtue. Silver dragons believe that living a moral life involves doing good deeds and ensuring that one's actions cause no undeserved harm to other sentient beings. They don't take it upon themselves to root out evil, as gold and bronze dragons do, but they will gladly oppose creatures that dare to commit evil acts or harm the innocent."

"Friends of the Small Races. Silver dragons enjoy the company of other silver dragons. Their only true friendships outside their own kin arise in the company of humanoids, and many silver dragons spend as much time in humanoid form as they do in draconic form. A silver dragon adopts a benign humanoid persona such as a kindly old sage or a young wanderer, and it often has mortal companions with whom it develops strong friendships."

"Respect for Humanity. Silver dragons befriend humanoids of all races, but shorter-lived races such as humans spark their curiosity in a way the longer-lived elves and dwarves don't. Humans have a drive and zest for life that silver dragons find fascinating."

"Metallic dragons also seek to protect other creatures from dangerous magic. As such, powerful magic items and even evil artifacts are sometimes secreted away in a metallic dragon's hoard."

"Solitary Shapeshifters. At some point in their long lives, metallic dragons gain the magical ability to assume the forms of humanoids and beasts. When a dragon learns how to disguise itself, it might immerse itself in other cultures for a time..... bolder dragons love to wander city streets in humanoid form, taking in the local culture and cuisine, and amusing themselves by observing how the smaller races live."

Now, granted, only Adult Dragons learn the skill to change shape. However, since Angus is so bright, I wouldn’t be surprised if he learned early. Or he might just be lying about his actual age (tho i really like the idea of Angus being a bright young dragon who wants to do good and help people) ((Plus again Griffin is the DM and can be as flexable as he wants with these rules that are a base guideline))

Angus being a dragon would also explain why he is living in the BoB base without any mention of anybody being worried about him being gone for too long. I mean, he’s a kid he had to have some kind of caretaker before all of this. He's mentioned his "grandfather" in Neverwinter, however that could have just been a cover story while he was investigating on the train when he had the suspicion that the criminal he was hunting for was on board. Though the antique silverware set Taako took from him may actually be his grandpa's that Angus brought along in order to help back his story up. He also mentioned his Dad when Merle tried to teach him about Pan to which he replied "My Dad says I'm not allowed to talk to people who worship Pagan Gods" (While i dont think this really supports him being a dragon, fun fact is that dragons, especially metallic ones, worship Bahamut who actually has a shitton of non-dragon followers as well.) 

Also, him being a dragon in disguise would explain why he's the only character who talks the way he talks. In reference to "Hi I'm Angus McDonald, I'm a little boy!" or "No I'm a Flesh boy" and "I was gonna have them [the pringles he gives to the boys at the end of the arc] as a train time snack but I forgot to eat them in the train times." I am literally listening to an Angus line compilation while typing this and honestly he sounds like hes trying SO HARD to blend in as a little boy and its adorable.

I don’t care if this Theory turns out true or not, again I’ll say that’s what AUs are for. I just wanted to share it on here with you guys because I love Angus so much and him being a dragon boy just makes everything so much funnier???? Also here’s a bonus:

Wow Travis what a good joke.

tldr; Angus’ stats and abilities seem suspicious, he doesn’t really mention having any sort of caretaker and is perfectly fine being on his own, his personality fits with what is described about Silver Dragons in the D&D 5e Monster Manual and the whole thing just strangely fits?????

[survivorinternational]

Episode 2 - "I couldn't believe I heard God wrong the third time" - Sluggy

Jacob: I have no idea for the video Me: I have an idea Jacob: its shit oh okay... give us a better idea before you shut mine down would you? 

So for the past 2 days ever since we won the reward challenge and got the chance to get a clue to the hidden immunity idol, the info had been passed around among everyone in the tribe that it was on the beach. I was waiting for the next opportunity to search for the idol because I know everyone's gonna go for it, and today I was busy beforehand and couldn't search for it until 4 hours after the challenge. But the first day I came here God told me specifically it was at the beach and in the headlands, it just wasn't on the cliff. So i go there and search and search and i cant find it, and im about to give up... 

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...and something falls on my lap, I open it up and here it is. The hidden immunity idol. I couldn't believe I heard God wrong the third time. HAHA! I'm so grateful for this. After all the Asians having idols in the psst seasons of survivor man. 

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So this sucks but I have to keep this idol as hidden as possible even from my closest allies. It's gonna be a big target on my back and if its possible i dont want to use it all the way until the final time I can use it. So even though Michael and Jacob asked about it, I couldn't tell him and err I don't want to lie anymore so it's definitely tough :( Whatever it is I have to keep humble and continue to stay under the radar. 

This challenge will take a lot of confidence which I completely lack but I will do my best and everything what I am asked to. I am kinda pressuring Vilma into being the director/editor of this since I know she is into stuff like this but I might have put too much pressure. Will try to work something out better in that regard. 

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Ginger's constant bullying of the ghost of Emils will get him into deep shit.

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This challenge has been a real coller coaster for me. I hate filming myself in videos but seeing the confidence Vilma (and others) have is really inspiring. We are doing "Toy" by Netta which is a pretty fun song to lipsync to. I am not the best but I am having fun with it and getting some exercise in the meanwhile. I will still undoubtebly hate any of my bits but at least I have the courage to participate and do my best. 

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About hour of recording myself. I shall not edit it from a cringy mess into a slightly less cringy mess. Wish me luck.

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I do not know if it is because I am slightly slick but I am editing my clips into a more coherent structure and my stomach genuinely hurts from cringe

A week in and I received my 1st message from Dean/Dylan :D how lucky. I also have slightly more newfound time coming up in the next few days so I can spend more time building trust with Tyler, Stephen and Dean/Dylan

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I just saw Tyler's part in the music video. How can 1 man be that hot. Like wtf did he do to get those kinds of genetics. I'm so fucking jealous rn. This confessional will contain no actual substance, just me shit posting about how fuxking AWESTRUCK I am at this man. Go to 2:15 of our music video to see... Damn! 

Right so this day was um interesting. I highly doubt i'll cover all the boring ass t but watevs. Ok SO, we had our first cheeky little game talk with Michael who much to my recent surprise is like 33 years old. pop off grandpa. Love him tho. So we had a fun little chat about who we liked, highkey like Stephan the most but didnt want to say that cause he had already said Stephan seems distant, so i pretended i was chill with other people just to be fun :). ANYWAY, he wants to create a majority with Jacob and Dean but honestly like no, those kids r the REAL crackheads. I want to work with Sluggy and Stephan so it was a tee bit awkie for me. But i smiled and waved anyway cause thats ALL im good at. If Michael was to try and create a majority with those 4 i'd highkey flip 🤭. Dean was just... how to put this... slop, and im not having slop in my house MY APOLOGIES. While planning for the challenge he was annoying and then throughout the challenge he was annoying. OK SO i am NOT mean and this challenge is clearly AWKWARD for everyone and everyone is being out there BUT deans video... like i used two seconds of it. Im sorry my love i dont know how to introduce that pillow possession story line into the video... . I think half way through he needed a nap? and started having night terrors, geez i hope he's ok. RIGHT anyway. I finished the video, i hope my editing and also telling everyone that they're part was really helpful and easily the best will grant me safety regardless! O also Jacob told me the idol clue BUT i dont know whether to believe it or not   :((( so he says its at the beach, im like well what was the actual clue? was it cryptic? then he said 'you inhaled smoke and it was hidden there' wtf u mean THAT was the clue. Absolutely not, get that SLOP out of MY face. RIGHT but i looked at the beach anyway to NO PREVAIL. Michael and Jacob both told me where they looked tho ;) Throwback to last confessional where i didnt think i was making an in roads with people, well i THINK i could be much better off now! Jacob says he only really talks to Stephan which is GOOD because i want Dean out and i thought he was close to dean. Also Jacob starting having game talk to me which was a HOOT because i thought he DIDNT like me. obviously my piercing eyes got the better of him. Im close with Stephan, Jacob, Michael and the singaporian one. OOPS thats all of the tribe but Dean. I've been whip whop wheaving my way through these relationships as best i can and forcing myself onto people without them realising. All i need is 1 or 2 STRONG connections and ill smile :) O also Jacob said i was hot and asked if i was single! LOVELY, amazing LOVE compliments, will use this child if need be but if he's trying to use me, sucks for him because im self conscious and DONT believe his compliments anyway. I THINK im setting myself up in a mildly good position, just gonna be more pal'y. I hope people LIKE me. 

We gave our best but our Basic White Boy music video is totally gonna lose, and I’m taking some responsibility for that too. I knew we should’ve chosen something gayer.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1KBaGOCmiwLknXyQoaaeyqZ0isdVOFUV2/view here are my clips :eyes:

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I am not saying I am aiming for it, but I am totally aiming for most confessionals. So fun story here. Whole summer not a single time I was bitten by a mosquito. Then this survivor starts. What is survivor known for? Tropical islands with mosquitos and such. So I was riding my bicycle yesterday and sat on a bench for a bit to rest up. 5 minutes. I sat for 5 minutes on this damn bench. 7 mosquito bites all on my legs, 3-4 split. I was fuming. Apparently that opened the pandora's box of mosquitos because I have been bitten 4 more times since them. I am full of hate. In other news: http://prntscr.com/od5qry This is really nice to see. Vilma's the best <3

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I CAN'T STOP TYPING IN ALL CAPS OUR VIDEO IS SO GOOD HOLY SHIT

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my life is now a meme 

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oh wait it already was

CURRENTLY FREAKING OUT BECAUSE!!!!!!!!! IM EDITING THE MUSIC VIDEO BUT LIKE I HAVE SUCH LIMITED TIME!!!!! I ALSO HAVE TO BE FORTY FIVE MINUTES AWAY FROM MY CURRENT LOCATION IN AN HOUR AND THAT MAKES I ONLY HAVE FIFTEEN MINUTES TO EDIT WHICH I DEFINITELY CANNOT FINISH IN TIME. ALSO HAVING HUGE FUCKING PROBLEMS BECAUSE MY OLD METHOD OF DOWNLOADING VIDEOS IS NOT WORKING!!!!!!!!!!! AND IM REALLY FREAKING OUT ABOUT IT LOL SO IM SCREEN RECORDING OUR VIDEOS BUT I ALSO DON'T HAVE THE ACTUAL AUDIO FOR AMERICAN BOY AND IM STRUGGLING TO DOWNLOAD IT I MIGHT NEED TO BUY IT ON MY PHONE LIKE FUCK FJLKDJASLKFAJDSKL THIS IS SO DIFFICULT AND IM TRYING TO KEEP IT TO MYSELF INSTEAD OF WORRYING MY TRIBE MATES BUT OMG WHY I HATE MY LIFE 

I feel so guilty that I didn’t help my tribe with this challenge, I really hope we win! If we don’t win honestly I will probably just tell them all they can vote me off- I hate to go without a fight but they all participated in the video and I feel like it would be the fair thing to do. Hopefully we don’t have to worry about that and my tribe wins!

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Me putting my life on the line for my TRIBE? Must be the drugs this is not really in my character but I feel really bad and want them all to thrive

I spent my entire day doing that music video and I'm gonna cry if we lose and go to tribal again ughhhhhhhhhh. I really tried my best and am super proud of my tribe mates too they did a great job. I really like the video.

Yes! Another win for Ala Mai! I'm loving this tribe and loving this game! I want to get to the merge with as many of my tribe mates as possible because we all have very similar timezones so I need that in my game. 

I am so happy we won the challenge ! I offered the Toy idea but then couldn't participate myself because of real life reasons ugh. My tribe tho did an AMAZING JOB and Im glad we chose Netta 

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Ok so just now I have realized these are not the during-game published confessionals. So I'm gonna confess: I was so fucking nervous not to be able to participate in the video challenge. I wanted to take part and it's risking eviction if we lose. On the other hand, I kinda knew I would be fine even if we lost. First, I offered the song for the tribe. Second, my alliance with Vilma and Veni is controlling the tribe, I have Clash from the side and we got majority. So I'd probs be fine anyway. Glad we won tho ! 

Uh I’ve been so busy for the past few days I can’t socialise and am very worried 

Day 4: Video editing challenge. This will be fun. Make a music video. Tribe chat is just going in circles with choosing a song. Song is finally chosen, Lonely Dance. Its a strange song, would have prefered something more campy or darker but oh well. I dont have time to do a video edit, i also want to take a back seat of this challenge. Searched for idol, No luck but i now have a good list of where to look narrowed down to 3 locations. Think im going to trust Tyler more. 

http://prntscr.com/odkz7k

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idk if i made a confessional about this but holy shit Lord is in this 

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I realise I spam so many messages to people at once. Shoutout to Vilma for always replying (although slowly) to every single one

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Quiet day today, barely spoke to people. Please no swap.

Well I'm sad to go to tribal this early, but it's probably needed. I didn't like my participation in this challenge but I was really short on time, it sucks but oh well, at least Ruthie told us to vote her and hopefully it isn't a hard vote 

Whew! Thank god we won immunity. I honestly think we tried so hard so it felt nice to be recognised for that (and by we I mean those of us who actually helped out with the challenge......). Vilma worries me a bit. I really like her and she gives off a great energy but I feel like she could use that to lead a big alliance further down the line. I definitely won't be targeting her anytime soon and hopefully I can get in that alliance at some point, but she's someone to keep an eye on.

Hello this round was boring we had shitty judges yet again woo we lost immunity woo now we have to look like bad people and vote ruthie out because shes sacrificing herself woo

WE WON!!!!!! NO TRIBAL!!!!! FUCK YESSSS And the judges were so nice to me I legit almost cried I love everyone ughhhh my heart Music video challenges are so amazing I don't care if what placement I get anymore we made that video and that's all I care about really I hope we're swapping soon! 

Okay so whew I had tribal for this game and I was nommed in a BB game so it's been a busy day today! I thought I might play my idol no matter what tonight, but Ruthie has been going through some stuff and volunteered to be voted out. Unfortunately it is uneventful for the viewers and for the hosts but I hope it is nice and easy and I can save my idol for later. Also, tribe swap anyone? Idk I haven't really clicked with anyone yet...Wow my social game sucks I'm sorry hosts, give me comps I can win, ty.

[quantumkris]

Rules: Tag nine people with excellent taste.

Tagged by: @severeinfatuation

Colors: The two best colors for me are both Green and Hot pink. Ever since I was born I’ve always loved green and I honestly have no idea why. It brings me feelings of mental freedom and happiness (I guess because it pertains to nature probably). And hot pink because in my mind it represents comfort, support, and my place of euphoria; eden. It’s a color that when I look at it in any format, I receive feelings and thoughts of comfort and love, and while though a rarity for me, it still comes somewhat.

Last band t-shirt I bought: I never really have “bought” any band shirts. The closest is of ACDC, but I don’t listen to them so I wouldn’t count it <)’-’)>

Last band I saw live: I don’t have the social confidence to even try to go to a live concert in the first place, let alone it probably triggering sensory overload, which wouldn’t be a good thing. Just ain’t meant for concerts, I’m not one of those people that can go to parties and or loudly packed places and come out of it having had fun.

Last song I listened too: Eden - Take Care. Eden when I first discovered him, honestly was a big stepping stone to have me express and open my locked away emotions. From the first song I listened to of his, Statues, I honestly broke down into tears and had cried for hours on end. It wasn’t just the lyrics that caused it, it was the frequencies, how the song sounded, how they traveled through more than just my ears. Ever since then, every single one and all of his songs and future releases would impact my emotional output. Take Care is the most recent one that had the same sort of reaction from Statues, strong emotions coming from it. It’s even more evident as before I even found Eden, I rarely ever showed any “strong” emotions. I never cried on the outside as for parental upbringing, but again, after discovering, all of that went out the window and even today I still tear up to his songs. They’re truly connective with my body and soul, and I can confidently say that he is a big reason for why I am able to express emotions much part today.

Last movie I watched: Uhmmmmmmmmm do Anime’s count for this one?.. I hardly watch any “mainstream” movies anymore. But I guess the most recent movie would be of Dragon Ball Super: Battle of Gods. Oh my fucking god was it pure art that movie. 17 years after Dragon Ball had been produced and THIS IS WHAT THEY COME BACK WITH!? FUCKING YASSSSSSSS. Dragon Ball in of itself is a unique cartoon as it gives me so much stimulation and goosebump type feelings when watching it. This movie was no exception It was just ughh, amazing and perfect.

Fun fact for Dragon Ball btw, it’s the only anime of which I will ever watch in Dub format as I live for the screams of it. The Japanese just.. don’t bring the goosebumps as the English actors do like Sean Schemmel and Chris Sarbat <(’-’(>

Last three tv shows I watched: Again, I don’t really watch too much of T.V. anymore, but going back a few years, I would have to say Gravity Falls, Rick and Morty, and actually Code Name Kids Nextdoor as I recently have been binge watching it just for nostalgic purposes. Gravity Falls ending made me so fucking depressed let me tell you. If Disney were to bring it back for a 3rd season, I would put my college savings into that damn show JUST AS A DONATION AND THANK YOU OOOFFF. And Rick And Morty, it peaks my Physics and Philosophy interest honestly. I love the profound laws and logistics of the show. Fuck the memes and reputation of it, I don’t follow the “community” I follow the show.

Last three characters I identified with: Mmmmmmmmmmmm you can be pissy with me but I’m going to MOSTLY stick to Anime for this one just to make my life easier  (つ'ヮ')つ.

Top 3 here starting with #1 (not anime surprisingly) being August (or Auggie) from the book Wonder. I first picked out and read this book alllllllll the way back in the 7th grade, and today I still re-read this book. And with the movie representation of it just having come out recently, I re-read it for maybe the 8th time now. I still love it so so much. The reason why I am literally August in almost all aspects is that he is a character who was born with a facial deformity (I was born with a mental disability, Autism). Through his first years of life, he had to have ~27 surgeries to try to “fix his face” (in my first years I had to go to the doctors several times for them to run tests on me in order to diagnose my Autism). He also was isolated from public schools because no kid could look at him without being scared shitless and fearful of him, so he was homeschooled (I wasn’t ever homeschooled, but I went through the same thing in public school. Being isolated, left alone, and just having myself). I don’t want to spoil the end of the book, but the ending also HUGELY relates to my life in more recent years, so if you know me well enough then you can connect some dots there. But I’d still suggest just reading the book ;D

2nd would have to be Violet Evergarden from the Anime of that same name. Yes.. it’s weird that Miri suggested it to me and I put her as my 2nd, but I already had it in my to watch and just forgot about it ITS DESTINY OKAY DONT OVERTHINK IT. But with Violet, just how I described with Eden and my lack of emotions, is a perfect mirrored version of me when I was younger. Not on the kind of “robotic” standpoint of her exactly, but in the sense of how she doesn’t understand them. Sure, I knew happiness and sadness and emotions like that back then, but more “out there” ones like Sympathy and Empathy to be specific enough. With me not having those two, mostly because of my Autism, I, by no exaggeration at all, had no care for human life at all. I did not care if someone was hurt, I did not react when someone had gotten angry at me, and even to my own mother, I didn’t react when she got injured or anything. It wasn’t my fault that I didn’t react, I simply did not know how to or why I had to. My brain literally could not process a response when Sympathy or Empathy came into play. I would freeze, which in a sense, yes, made me seem like an asshole or psychopath, but it was truly just me at the time. No I didn’t blame my Mild Autism because I knew it didn’t control me, I knew i could branch out from it. And looking back on that today, I obviously did. Obviously now I care about people, I know how to react in situations, and more recently than not, I know how to help people in emotional distress than most people. I actually use this helping as a source of bringing up some self-esteem. Knowing that I’m able to help people with something that my past self could NEVER do is amazing. I literally have 2 close friends that say call me their counselor because I know how to talk to them so well. Only now am I just understanding and applying these two things, but hey, I had a bad start (◞‸◟；)

and the 3rd character would have to be Meliodas from The Seven Deadly Sins. This character honestly is my happy and loopy side of me that doesn’t often come out. While it’s only when I'm comfortable with people that this side of me comes out on, Meliodas reallyyy hits the nail on the head. He’s humorous, jokes around in a more.. kinky matter, to which I do this also, but again, wouldn’t know that if i wasn’t comfortable with the people I’d be talking to <)’-’)>. And he also has his protective manner, to which I’m the same exact way with my friends, family, or significant other (if I were to have one). Most times I may think on myself as a burden for how I check on my friends, but I mean if they weren’t okay with it then they would say something, so I always have to tell myself that anyway.

Book(s) I’m currently reading: Currently reading 3 books for my Philosophy class: The Joy of X (a book of math and reallyyyyyy taking it home with how amazing the conceptualization of math is. And with my nerdy ass, why wouldn't I loveeeee it). And Man is The Measure (Basically a pure philosophical book that goes layers and layers deep into several subjects such as Metaphysics, reasoning, perception, and so on). Even with having those 2 books for class purposes to read, I still fucking LOVE THEM TO DEATH. The 3rd one is a book that my Grandpa had given to me when I was literally 6 years old. He basically told me when he gave it to read it when I'm in high school. The book is called UFO’s and the Unified Field and is a pure Physics book. The weird thing about this is that I didn’t get into physics until I was 9, so how did my grandpa KNOW that I would love this book in highschools time!? My explanation: Destiny  (っ^◡^)っ ❤️