#my grandma dug them out after he died but they grew back in

[robindrake93]

Before he died, my grandpa was telling people that I was a ghost writer.

He knew that I wrote constantly, watched me do it for decades, and he knew that I was somehow making money online with my writing.

What I was actually doing most of the time was writing fan fiction; something he did not know existed and since most of my fics are explicit, I didn't think he'd want to know. (although considering most of the books he read were steamy historical romances, he might not have cared too much)

I had also set up a patreon for original fiction, which I think I explained poorly when telling him about. "People pay me money to read what I write per chapter" was probably how I explained it. Which is accurate but that's not a model of reading that he's familiar with.

Given the circumstances and his limited knowledge, I'd say his guess was pretty good.

[gumnut-logic]

Where There Be Dragons (Bit 7)

Bit 1 | Bit 2 | Bit 3 | Bit 4 | Bit 5 | Bit 6 | Bit 7

This bit leads directly after the last bit. We’re switching from FishTank to Big Bros :D

As always, many thanks to @scribbles97​ @tsarinatorment​ and @janetm74​ You guys are amazing.

I wrote this all in one big rush this morning. I found the zone and it was amazing - then I had to stop and go to work ::headdesk::

I hope you enjoy it :D

-o-o-o-

Virgil left before Gordon could notice anything.

Sealing the library door behind him, he took a moment to collapse against the bulkhead and catch his breath.

Five whispered to him.

The human body was ever so fascinating but ever so complicated. Where Virgil could trace every line, every valve, every circuit in a man-made machine, the human body was made by a force so much greater than man. The intricacies of the pathways of conduction, of circulation…his sense of iron and ceramic sung in his bones, but they were outshone by the bright vivacity of life.

Reaching in to correct what was wrong…to find and understand what was broken…took everything he had.

He exhaled and rubbed his face with his hand.

The day Gordy had almost died, Virgil had watched his systems shutting down, that energy depleted and seeping away. He remembered Scott’s voice, the sob in his big brother’s words, and couldn’t accept what was happening.

The body was a machine.

He fixed machines.

His hands had flared so hot, his own skin had burnt.

And Gordon had scars from his touch.

Virgil had sought the source of the damage, his mind tracking down the multitude of pathways, the unfamiliar technology, he had bent physics to his will.

It had almost broken him.

But Gordon had lived.

And for that he was ever grateful.

Since then, he had tried to discover more about the human body. Grandma was ever so kind and patient. There were books stacked up in his rooms acquired from all over the planet. He had conversed with physicians who were considered masters in their domain.

And still Virgil sought more.

There were so many unanswered questions of how the body worked, how the mechanics moved, the chemical balances, the gas exchanges…what he read in the books was not what he saw with his hands.

The anatomy yes, but not the intricacies. There was more than what the diagrams explained.

He needed to know.

To protect his brothers and keep them safe.

He pushed off from the wall, a headache was building. It was expected. Sleep would wash it away.

His boots were loud on the decking as he made his way forward to the living quarters.

But they weren’t loud enough to mask that tap of a cane.

Damn. What was his brother doing up at this hour?

He almost turned around, darting away to hide from what he knew would happen, but Scott strode around the corner before Virgil had a chance to decide.

Scott was tall and ramrod straight as usual, uniform sharp and neat enough for Virgil to feel closer to street urchin in appearance than functional rescue operative.

“Virgil?” Blue eyes caught him and wordlessly queried for information. “What are you doing up so late?”

Virgil tugged at his shirt, attempting to straighten himself a little, only to cause a curl of Scott’s lips. Virgil narrowed a glare at him, both of them knowing exactly what his reaction to Scott was.

The curl on his brother’s lips only grew into a small smile.

“Eos needed some tutoring. I assisted her.” No need to mention Gordon and get his little brother into similar strife for being up.

Scott grunted, the smile turning into a grimace.

The Commander’s opinion of Eos was well known.

“It is better she know, than stumble through ignorance.” Virgil’s voice was firm.

It was possible that it was only Virgil’s opinion of the life within the automaton that had kept his brother from having her destroyed after the incident with John.

Virgil’s sense of Eos was odd.

She read like a mechanism, but there was a quiet spark of an energy similar to that he found in living things. To the sun that lived within Gordon, the vibrant sparks that lit up Alan, the blue fire that raked Scott’s bones and the strong amber burn of John.

She had life.

Different life, but it was there.

And Scott was forced to respect it.

So, Eos lived and lived among them, ever watched by their vigilant commander.

Hidden from their father.

“What was the concern?”

“Nothing that needs to be worried about.”

That earned him a grunt. Virgil was protective of the artificial life form and Scott knew it. But his brother trusted him.

“It is late. I was about to retire and so should you.” Blue frowned at him peering a touch closer. His voice was a soft query. “How is Gordon?”

It was a strategic question and honestly, Virgil shouldn’t have fallen for it, but Scott knew him better than he did himself. “He is well.”

His brother’s lips thinned. “What did you do?”

A blink. “Nothing.”

The flash of disappointment was ever so brief, but it hurt anyway. “You are so bad at lying, Virgil, I don’t know why you even bother trying.” The commander grabbed his arm and gently turned him around. “You can explain on the way to the infirmary.”

“Scott!” Virgil dug his heels in and brought both of them to a halt. “I am fine. It was nothing.”

His brother rounded on him. “Your composure tells me otherwise. Your eyes are bloodshot, you are pale and your hands are shaking. Tell me this is nothing!” And here comes the lecture. “If you have been doing what I suspect you have, you know my thoughts on the matter. You were ordered not to pursue that line of enquiry.”

Virgil flared. “How can I not? Gordon is in pain almost all the time. How can I not seek to give him what little relief I can?”

Blue flashed at him. “I understand where this is coming from. I feel it myself. But the cost is too high.”

“That is not your decision.”

Scott took a step closer. “Everything that involves this crew is my decision.” His glare intensified. “You may not remember, but it was I who had to carry you from that room, barely breathing. It was I who had the glimpse of possibly losing not one, but two brothers that day, and while I was blessed to have both ultimately saved, I will not risk it again!”

Ever the protector, ever the worrier, Scott was scared and a scared Scott was a heart-driven weapon against anything that could hurt his family.

Even that which could save them.

So quiet. “This is my choice. I will not stand by and watch my family suffer if there is something I can do to help.”

“Virgil-“

He was ever so tired. He reached out a hand and dropped it to his brother’s shoulder. “I’m going to bed.” He turned around and resumed walking down the corridor.

As predicted, Scott didn’t let him go that easily, his cane hitting the metal decking with a loud snap. “Virgil!”

A sigh. He would follow his big brother to the ends of the Earth and back, he loved him with everything he had, but there were certain things that he could not give.

This was one of them.

He walked away and did not look back.

-o-o-o-

[snarkwrites]

Title: snowbound pt 1 of 2/3

Theme: snow

Fandom / Character(s):Ben Solo/Kylo Ren x Earth!FemaleReader.

Warnings: First up. I preface with two strong warnings.. I am not a medical professional in any capacity. Second, I am only kind of a casual Star Wars fan, so Idk how things work in their universe as compared to here on Earth. The actual warnings here are blood!tw and injury!tw. Again, I remind you. I am neither a veteran star wars fan nor a medical professional. So, some things may be entirely wrong. And Ben Solo is most likely written totally OOC as he is not a character I am used to writing, by any stretch although i love him with my whole heart... Anyway... The warnings are: Blood!TW, Injury!TW, OOC fandom character and a strong dose of hurt comfort / fluff in the next parts I kind of hope i get to do for this. This part is so long because I was using it to sort of set things in motion..

Word Count: 2k. Listen, I was setting things up and got carried away, rip me.

Listen... You all just don’t fucking understand how much I love Kylo/Ben... I know, I know, he’s a bad guy. Anyway, this is me doing something I’ve literally been dying to do, a scenario in which Ben somehow winds up Earthbound just in time for the holidays...This is my daily entry for my bb @champbucks over on the @12daysofchristmas challenge blog...

OH YEAH.. for the sake of a timeline here.. This part takes place around the end of November/beginning of December. Part two will take place two and a half weeks later and part three will take part a day or so, maybe two, after part two. Trust me, this needed to be said.

Also, again.. I made the banner for this. Don’t steal or repost.

TAGGING:

So, here’s the thing.. There really isn’t anyone on my Star Wars masterlist and like... I haven’t really written anything Star Wars related... Until now. So, if you want to be tagged in my star wars stuff, click the little link below or send me an ask/dm on my main and I’ll happily add you.

@champbucks and @12daysofchristmas

[ about my writing | masterlist | multifandom tag doc ]

“What the hell?”

The boom from outside had the windows to my grandma’s old cabin rattling and I quickly sat up just in time to look out the window at the head of my bed to see a bright flash of blue as it disappeared beyond the treeline across the road.

,, Curiosity killed the cat, remember?” my brain nagged at me the whole time I was slipping on the jeans I’d worn earlier in the day. That nagging only grew as I slipped on my warmest boots and by the time I had my daddy’s old shotgun loaded and I was heading out the door, I wasn’t entirely sure if going over to see what the hell was going on in the woods across from my house was a good idea or not.

I mean yeah, the odds were that some idiot kids were racing around Deadman’s curve and one crashed.. Or a drunk trying to drive home on an icy road hit black ice and lost control… At the thoughts of what probably happened, I stopped in the middle of the road and felt my back pocket.

As soon as my fingers grazed the cool weight of my cell phone, I took a deep breath and started to walk towards the woods on the other side of the little country road.

My eyes were adjusting to the semi darkness, so when the wrecked craft came into view just a few feet into the trees, I had to stop and really stare at it, rubbing my eyes.

“What the fuck?” the words left my mouth in a soft gasp as all the breath left my body. I knew exactly what I had to be looking at by now… And rather than turn and walk away, back to my grandma’s cabin, I kept moving closer. Pushing through bushes and trees and overgrown weeds and dead grass as I made my way towards the clearing to get a better look.

I knew it probably wasn’t a good idea, because everybody knows there’s a damn good reason we have a military base on the outskirts of our little town and we all know they’re not testing weather balloons out there.. I knew that if this were a military thing, there would most likely be a cover-up.

So I did what anybody would and I pulled out my camera, recording the crash site and taking a few pictures of the craft as I walked around it slowly.

I froze completely when I heard a wounded groan.

Now, I’d assumed that whoever crashed whatever this… Thing.. Was… they’d gotten the hell out of dodge as soon as the crash was over.

,,Or they were dead on contact because the impact was really hard.’’ my brain finished. I glanced all around the clearing that the craft crashed in the middle of. Everything was silent. Almost deathly silent, as if something had come along and sucked up all the sounds and background noise. I shivered and hugged myself, swearing under my breath about not having the presence of mind to stop for a jacket or grab my first aid kit on my way over here...

A scream died on my lips when I felt a strong grip wrap around my ankle as soon as I stepped closer to the wrecked craft, bending down to peer inside, my phone out and ready to call for emergency services.

When I looked down, after I dove away as quickly as possible, of course, I swallowed hard and tried to find words.

“Help.”

As he said it, I got the distinct feeling that this was not a word he enjoyed saying, not at all.

I could only nod and when my brain finally felt it had enough time to process what was going on, it kicked into overdrive.

“Can you pull yourself out?” I finally managed to ask the question.

“Trapped.” the word came on the heels of words that were totally unfamiliar to me, yet somehow I knew instinctively that this guy had to be swearing up a storm and in immense pain.

I guess tonight’s one of the few reasons I’m glad I went into the medical field instead of becoming a horror novelist or a starving artist like I used to want to when I was a kid. Tonight my years of school and training and the experience I’d gotten thus far as an intern at the hospital in town was all going to come in handy.

Because the lack of military vehicles or police by now only meant one thing to me.

The military either didn’t know yet so this gave me a chance to finally do something about the way they were polluting the water supply and making people sick or… Nobody knew about this.

Laughing softly at the thought that I might’ve stumbled onto an alien crash landing, I bent lower, peering into the smashed window and I dug around in my jeans pocket until I found my dad’s old pocket knife.

“I’m gonna.. I’ll try to cut you out, okay?” I muttered. He grunted, a light pained scowl playing at gorgeous and full lips.

I leaned inside a little, swearing as I felt shards of glass.. Or whatever the material was on the windows, digging into my hand..As soon as I got a good look, I realized that he wasn’t trapped by a harness or belt of any kind.

He was trapped because when the craft he was inside made impact, the damn thing basically folded like a soda can. I winced. Drawing a few sharp and shaky breaths, the fog from their warmth lingering in the air as I tried to stop and think.

I should be calling EMTS. I should be leaving him here because everything I’ve ever learned about accidents of any kind clearly predicates that if someone is hurt and you don’t know how fucking bad, you don’t move them.

But here’s the problem with that knowledge and my current situation… If I didn’t do something, then either that military installation was going to get away with the shit they’ve been doing the past few years since they mysteriously popped up on the outskirts, show up to finish this guy off in the time it took me to get help on the way… And then they might just do me in also because I had evidence and proof that they were up to something shady out there... Or… They’d find him and take him back to the base and do God only knew what to him.

,, but he might be an alien…” my brain gave me the gentle reminder and the counter argument arose almost immediately, ,, he can’t be. He looks like I do. He looks human. I can’t just turn my back and leave the guy… If he is military and they do realize what’s happened, he’s as good as dead… And I cannot live with someone’s blood on my hands.” 

And with that thought, I proceeded to try and figure out the safest way I could to go about breaking years of protocol that had been drilled into my brain.

I started with the obvious. I leaned in, my body brushing against him as I raised my hand, pressing my fingers to his neck, feeling for the jugular so I could attempt to see if his pulse was steady.

He groaned quietly and I explained in a hushed tone, trying to keep him calm, “I’m trying to take your pulse… to make sure it’s okay to move you if I can get you loose. Because we’re gonna have to get you out of here somehow.”

He merely nodded. I almost asked if he spoke the same language as me, but that was a later question. I was still operating under the assumption that I was working with a very small time frame, either way. 

Because even if the military didn’t know what happened out here, they would soon.. Because this just felt like something they would be aware of or become aware of. And I wasn’t going to let them get their hands on the guy, especially when he was injured and far too weak to fight them off.

Or so I thought…

,, where the hell am I? What happened? Need to.. Get out of here. Get back to the others.”

I heard it so clearly that for a second or so, I thought he might’ve actually spoken. I answered quietly, “You’re in Montana. Apparently, you crashed whatever the hell this thing is. If you’ll be still and stay calm sir, I’m trying to get you out of here. We have to hurry. If those damn military guys realize what happened and come down, we’re both probably fucked.” and continued checking him over.

I dreaded what I was about to have to try and do, because if there was any internal injury, I was about to make it worse. The goal, I decided mentally, was to move him as carefully but as quickly as possible.

He gritted his teeth and gave another long and wounded grunt as he seemed to pick up on my rush and started trying to maneuver his legs free from the part holding them in place.

“Okay, whoa. Easy, sir. Stop moving, damn it!” I said frantically, eyes widening as they settled on the dark depths of his eyes.

He glared at me, speaking in a calm but firm tone. “I have to get out of here.”

“And if you’ll go about this carefully, like I said before, you might actually live through this. I don’t know if you’ve been injured internally or not. I won’t know how severe your injuries are until I’m back at my cabin. I’m hoping that since you’re vocal enough to be an entire stubborn ass right now, that you’re really not seriously injured.” I snapped back because he’d snapped at me just seconds before.

He eyed me, almost wary. Almost as if he weren’t entirely sure whether to trust me. But I stared him down, firmly as I could. He managed to get his legs free and clear of the way they’d been pinned somehow and if I hadn’t thought the guy might be strong as an ox when he grabbed my ankle before, I now knew that fact beyond a shadow of doubt.

Oh, he grunted and groaned and growled in pain the entire time, but he seemed to be entirely too stubborn for his own good, too hell bent on getting himself out.

Once he was slowly pulling himself through the busted glass and lying on the snow, I cleared my throat. He winced and gritted his teeth as he pulled himself to a sitting position in the snow. The form fitting black garment he wore on his upper body was shredded in a place or two from the way he’d pulled himself through the window of the wreckage.

“Do you think you can walk? Because we need to figure something out.” I asked the question as I worked on keeping calm. But I was in a bit of a panic see, because internal injuries are difficult to spot and often, they go unnoticed until the person injured either dies or suffers massive complications. And I knew that me, moving him as little as I had and then him freeing himself from the wreckage somehow and all that movement… It was tempting fate, in my own opinion, but I was that determined not to let all this be covered up or to have this man’s blood on my hands.

He looked as if he were going to attempt it and I stood, holding my hands out to him to at least try to help him. But after the second or third attempt, the fight or flight response within me kicked in and I was… Growing impatient to get him indoors and both of us hidden away somewhere safely.

“I’ve got an ATV up at the cabin. It’s literally just across the road at the top of the hill… I need you to stay here and stay hidden. Are we clear?” I didn’t mean to bark it at him like an order, I guess I just assumed at the time that if he were a soldier who worked that base, he was used to it.

He bit his lip and eyed me.

“Don’t tell me what to do.” that firm tone, I won’t even begin to go into the effect it had on me, but I was the one who wasn’t injured and didn’t possibly have the US Armed Forces about to pop up at any second, so I had to act as if nothing he did or said had any sort of effect on me at all.

And god was it ever hard!

“Which one of us crashed a fucking piece of government property and is injured, sir?” my hand dragged through damp hair and tugged a little as I tapped my boot against the crunchy snow covered forest floor.

“ The ship is mine.” he corrected. I eyed him with a brow raised.

“Whatever you say. Either way, arguing semantics with you is not getting either of us to my cabin.”

The searing pain that shot through my palm as I rubbed it against my jeans had me grimacing, but I tried to ignore it. He stared me down, head tilted slightly.

“Alright. I’m going now.” I turned on my heels and I bolted up the hillside, hurrying so fast across the slippery pavement separating me from my cabin that I nearly slipped a time or two and I finally got to the shed that I’d parked the ATV under after riding it along the creekbank earlier to look for fallen trees I could use as firewood.

The keys were still in the ignition. I jumped on and fired it up, biting back a pained whimper as I curled my hand around the handlebar and that only put more pressure on the wound that I didn’t even realize I’d gotten trying to help the man out.

I shoved out the pain and focused on getting back across the road as quickly as possible. And in the back of my mind, yes.. I did find it more than a little odd that nobody had come down. The neighbors a mile away from me have to have heard… Then I remembered that Herb and Isla were out of town, in Kentucky with their oldest daughter and her family for the holidays.

,, c’mon lady luck, don’t fail me now.” the thought came and went and I took a shortcut through the treeline that I knew would put me straight in front of the crash site. Now I just had to hope to God that the guy was okay and he hadn’t left the scene.

Right as the crashed ship came into view, I spotted him trying yet again to use the wreckage to pull himself to his feet and I rushed over.

“You’re a stubborn one.”

“Trying to..” he took a few heavy breaths and grumbled before continuing, “Get back home.”

“And you can do that.. The second you’re at least partially healed, sir. I’m gonna…” I trailed off, awkwardly positioning myself against his side so that he could use me as a crutch and lean on me to get to the ATV so I could take him back to my place, “Lean on me.”

But the guy was an actual fucking giant.

And normally, in a non life or death situation, I’d have been absolutely mesmerized by… Pretty much everything about him. But tonight, I was too focused. Too intent on getting both of us to safety.

,, daddy always told me curiosity killed the cat. Now look what I’m smack in the middle of.” I thought to myself, grunting a little as he leaned into me heavily, my arm around his lower back and his arm around my shoulders as he clumsily tried to make his way to the ATV.

Once I got on and he managed to get himself on behind me, I took off. “Might wanna cover your face.”

And a minute or so later, as I parked the ATV right at my porch steps to make it a little easier to get him inside, he eyed me warily again, this time questioning, “Why are you doing this? Don’t you know who I was?”

“What do you mean was?” I asked the question, all the worst possible scenarios flashing through my mind. And that adrenaline surge from earlier that I had yet to come down from? A little more panicked.

He muttered something and shrugged, putting a shoulder around me again as he grunted and managed to get himself standing.

The light overhead on my porch caught on his bloodied pants leg and I grimaced. “Well, pretty sure that’s a broken leg.”

I kicked open the front door with my foot and helped him into my living room, letting him sink down onto the couch. After I got him all settled in, I rushed around my pantry gathering up my medical supplies that I kept on hand.

And I wandered back into the living room, taking a seat on the handmade heavy wooden coffee table in front of my old plaid couch. “You’re gonna have to… Take off the shirt..”

He eyed me, this curious gleam in his eyes that quickly vanished when I firmly repeated myself.

His eyes caught on my palm and he eyed my own smaller wound, then fixed his eyes on me. “You’re dripping blood on the floor.”

“And I’ll worry about that as soon as I’m totally certain that aside from a possibly broken leg and a few cuts and bruises, you’re fine.” I insisted, a firm tone of my own as I started to tug the ripped fabric up and over his body. I grimaced at the older scars and bit my lip as I surveyed the bruises already starting to form against pale skin. “Are you in any pain at all when you breathe?”

Bear in mind here. I am still only just an intern. So I haven’t actually had to deal with a whole lot in the way of injuries. The most I’m currently allowed to do is make rounds and do consults, checking in on patients to let their actual physician know what they might need or how they might be feeling on that particular day.

So this was all trial by fire for me.

One glance at his well muscled body had me definitely continuing to think that he was one of the guys from the military base and I made a mental note to maybe NOT turn down Carrie if she offered to set me up with one of the guys her fiance knew in the future as I had been doing.

He cleared his throat.

“A little.”

“Most likely dealing with a bruised rib or two. I’ll wrap those for now.. I’ll call in a favor with Dr.Albertson in the morning...I don’t think he’ll tell anybody.”

The man nodded, agreeing.

I went back to cleaning and patching the wounds I could patch and then I turned my attention to his leg.

“I’m going to have to cut your pants leg…”

“Or I could take off my pants.” 

I eyed him as soon as he said it because truth be told, not only did he have me flustered in saying it, but also, I couldn’t entirely tell if he were being helpful at last, or if he were being a flirt.

As if to prove he was serious, he rose up slightly, unfastening the black pants he wore, working them down his hips and I have literally NEVER… ever.. Turned away and tried to still catch a peek as I did in that moment.

“Christ. You could’ve given me a second to turn.”

“Why?” he tapped my shoulder as he asked the question and I turned around.

 My breath caught in my throat and I quickly had to refocus myself. Because if I thought taking his shirt off was a bit of a distraction… Then him sitting there pantsless was.. A bit more.

I bit my lip and my eyes settled on the lower portion of his leg. The swelling was bad. The leg was definitely broken. I sighed and clucked my tongue, shaking my head. 

“I’m gonna have to call in that favor with the old man now. Because this can’t wait to be looked at. And I need to be sure you’ve got no internal injuries.” I stood abruptly, nearly doing so fast enough that I almost landed on top of the guy.

He eyed me and I pulled back and away from him, raising to a full stand. Walking quickly into my kitchen and sliding the pocket door closed behind me.

“Hey, doc? I know it’s late, but if you get this, can you please swing by my grandma’s cabin on your way home tonight? I need your help. And I need someone who can be trusted to stay quiet on what you’re gonna see.”

I’d just walked back into the living room when my cell phone rang in my hand.

“What’s wrong?”

“I’d rather explain when you get here, doc.”

“I’m on my way now. Just grabbing my equipment.”

“Thank you, doc.”

“I always told you and I promised your grandma when you were knee high to a grasshopper. If you ever need me, kid, I’ll be there.”

I hung up and sank back down onto the coffee table, letting a deep breath escape my mouth. The adrenaline was starting to wear off finally and all I could do now was… Process everything. Try to figure out just how far up the proverbial creek I might’ve gotten myself.

The man shattered the silence in the room by clearing his throat and reaching out. I eyed him, a brow raised.

“What are you doing?”

“If you’re not going to do something about your hand, I’m going to.”

“It’s fine. It’s a little scrape.”

“There’s blood caked on it.”

Something in the look he gave me had me extending my hand. It almost felt as if I wasn’t in control of myself, though I didn’t realize this until much later…

His larger hand gripped mine carefully, holding it on bare legs.

“You still haven’t put any pants on, what the hell..”

“If you called that person and they’re going to come and examine me, doesn’t make sense to.” he didn’t look up as he answered, instead, focusing on swiping the cloth that I’d gotten as a spare in case I needed a clean one for his wounds. When the light overhead caused something in the wound to glisten, I tried to yank my hand free in a hurry, but that sensation was back in my mind and his grip on my wrist tightened to a point where I couldn’t move.

“Be still.”

That firm tone again, honestly, fuck him for it.

“Fine. But I feel like I should remind you, I am a medical professional. I could get this looked at when Doc arrives.”

“Well, I’m doing it now.” he stated calmly, as if I had no say in the matter. And when I opened my mouth to argue, to insist I could just wait the ten minutes it would take Doc to get to my cabin, nothing came out.

He gave me this smug look as he took my tweezers and worked them into the cut, making me bite my lip and take a few deep breaths.

When he finally got the shard free, I pulled my hand back, cradling it against me.

He eyed me, amused it seemed.

“I’ll clean it out and wrap it now, thanks.” I mumbled in a softer tone, giving him a small smile and thanking him.

Now, we just had to wait on Doc to arrive...

[skittles1229]

THE EVER CHANGING STORY OF LUNARIS (reader insert romance)

SOME OF THESE CHARACTERS AND PLACES ECT. DO NOT BELONG TO ME, THEY WERE MADE BY LUNARIS GAMES FOR THE INTERACTIVE VISUAL NOVEL "WHEN THE NIGHT COMES" AVAILABLE EITHER FROM THIER WEBSITE OR ON ITCH. THE COVER IS ALSO FROM LUNARIS GAMES (ITS THIER PIN SET FOR SALE ON THIER SITE)

https://www.wtncgame.com/collections/pins-charms/products/wtnc-holo-sparkle-charms

This is a project I started to maintain my boredom so ill be using the characters from a really great visual novel called when the night comes written by lunaris. go check it out! ill be writing about all the characters including you being the x reader. after I've introduced the plot and characters and if i have enough readers, ill let you guys pick who I right the first romance ending with, the endings will probably have a bit of smut so if your just wanting to know the story you don't have to read the romantic endings

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Chapter One: Unwelcome Start

        My feet are killing me and its hot and dark, I'm walking through unfamiliar woods. All I can smell is tree leaves decaying and pine. To fill you in without telling you my life story and having a pity party, I'm one of the few shifting Dire Wolves left. We are a dying breed since people and monsters were coexisting now, I'm over joyed about the mixing of the populations but as the wolves breed with humans our ability to shift is slowing leaving as the generations grow. I on the other hand wasn't liked by much of anyone. I grew up around old town human folk. Both parents had been killed by townsfolk and luckily the little who girl found me as a puppy was nice enough to bring me to her home. That little girl became my life. Her blonde hair reminded me of wheat in the fall and she smelled of old moth balls and freshly cooked bacon. Kasey was a lonely child born a bastard and then left alone when her mom left into town one day. She didn't come home that night. She had the kindest eyes. They say eyes are the window to the soul and hers was broken and glued back together so many times that you couldn't recognize her original beauty. She brought me to a little cabin back in the woods where I stayed with her and her grandmother.  I stayed out of school because at the time freaks weren't exactly normal. I learned everything through Kasey and her homework as I grew up. We played in the old field through the woods and down an old forgotten gravel road. She would always tease me about my ears but she loved my big bushy tail. Kasey was a pure soul and sometimes id have to remind her how special she was especially during the times to come. She became ill in late fall, losing her ability to walk and becoming more and more pale from the lack of sunlight. We were told she had an immune issue that couldn't be fix with the medicine we had then and magic was a cure but was also out of the question since anyone who was seen as a witch was seen as a harm to the community and burned at the stake. It wasn't that way in the big towns with lots of people coming and going bustling about, but down here in the boon dock of the forgotten swamp everyone had the same opinion. anything new and different was and and therefore had to be destroyed.

         When I was around six Kasey succumb to her unfortunate circumstances in her sleep and she took her welcome with her. I think that maybe it was one of the few mercies I've ever seen god do for someone. After she died the grandmother, already being on her last years, passed not long after that. With nothing holding me to that little shack in the woods I moved on. I was never given a name and so along the way I've figured out who and what I am. Remind me to tell you that one later on, I've been walking for a few days with my satchel made from rabbit fur with old shoe laces holding it together, Kasey in her better days stayed bored in her old pink bedroom reading the same book she had on the old bookcase in the living room. Her grandmother went to the market in town most days to sell her vegetables. she would bring us home sweets and toys. For Kasey's birthday she bought her a bag of fabric rabbit fur and some thread and needles to teach her to sew hoping that would cure her boredom. A few months before she passed, she hurriedly finished off the synch bag with one of her shoelaces from her boots. That bag is the one I have with me now. My clothes and few days worth of food is in it as well. I had been shifted into my wolf form going on 48 hours now and my (F/C favorite color ) fur was now stained with mud and leaves from the nights sleep in a dug out hole. The last sign of civilization was back in my home town. it was now night time again and had seen no sign of a town any where close. It was getting dark and my joints were burning from the pain of walking. I quickly found a soft spot in the ground digging up a little hole to lay in for the night. The woods around me creaked with shifting wood and wind rustling the foliage. Harry had become the governor a while back suddenly disappeared recently in his home base in Lunaris. That's where Kasey's grandmother went for hours everyday to be a part of the market so I decided to see if there was anywhere I could stay and maybe get a job and start a life for myself. All this time I had no real name, Kasey never named me. She wanted me to be able to choose it for myself and I'm now 20 in human years. Our bodies aged in human instead of dog years another kind of pro with the watering down of the generations. I had gone through all of Kasey's family and school friends, even people she heard the name of by passing by in church, I'd heard all the names and thought about them and said them all out loud the see how they role off the tongue and I finally settled on (Y/N) tonight. 

      I had fallen asleep at some point and shifted back into human form curling around my bag to protect it from the outside. Suddenly the ground around me started to shake and the foliage covering the entrance to the den started to shake loose and fall in. At this point I'm wide awake and have my back to the wall and head in a snarl towards the entrance not knowing why or what had shaken the ground so harshly. I smell a fowl smell that reeks of something I've never smelled before. It began to burn my nose like alcohol or whatever grandma had in the wash rooms for spring cleaning. I heard twigs breaking and a long groan that howled with the wind. My heart was racing not knowing what to expect to come through the entrance and that's when I saw the light from the moon blocked by a large shadow. I braced for a fight when suddenly it let out a yelp of pain as I see two or three other shadows chase it to the right of the hole. Lots of yelling from men and women can be heard along with lots of new smells. All of them had hints of sweat and fear but some of them were odd. One was carried in on a breath of lavender and honey and the other of burnt wood like a fire place. One also smelled like chocolate and for a split second I smelled the familiar canine sent, Another wolf or maybe a half breed Lykan. I laid there and listened as the group seemed to quickly dominate whatever that creature was and if there's a group of hunters then there has to be a town. I wait for the noise to die out before I stick my head out of the hole to check my area. I look at the position of the moon and start to get a better idea of how long I was asleep. I think it must have been at least 3 in the morning. I grabbed my bag and pulled myself out of the hole, shaking off loose dirt and changing myself back into that big furry wolf I've become used to and walk towards where I heard the commotion to catch the scent of where they had gone. The creature they fought was dead on the ground covered in its black oozing blood. It looked like a genetic mutation of some kind gone very wrong and the smell almost could knock you out, if your a dog that is. I heard a snap of a twig in the distance and that's when I caught the scent of a dying summer, decaying flowers and dying memories. 

      I see a blue glow coming from an object a few feet in front of me hidden in the darkness of the trees, whatever it was it made it very clear that I was unwelcome and that I was seen as a threat. I bent neck down feeling the hair along my spine start to stand on end as I snarled my teeth in the direction of the ominous blue glow. Suddenly the tense feeling in the air dropped, you could feel the tension melt away and in that second the strange creature pushes forward into the moonlight. A man with golden eyes and a mechanical arm moves forward looking with his hands raised. "My names Finnegan and I know you wont hurt me because your not just any wolf am I right?" The sudden question brushes me as weird and out of place but regardless it only makes me all the more persistent that he not come any closer. He stops in his tracks and sits in the tall grass he had been previously standing in. We sat there like that for what seems like forever and he seemed to feel talkative because he asked question after question. I looked around to think of what direction I wanted to go in order to get away from here .

     "You know it would be easier to go to Lunaris." he said picking at something under his nails. I look at him tilting my head, can he hear my thoughts? I didn't think humans could do such things but he didn't look like a human. Not with the fangs like that and those pointed ears. "No I'm not human I'm a vampire, I live in Lunaris with my friends. I actually have a Lykan friend as well so you wont be alone." I bent my ears back in annoyance, tired of the vamp imposing on my thoughts. I decided I would speak with him but not in this form. As a Lykan I could still stay able to protect myself and be able to speak to this other freak of nature in front of me. In order to do so I'd have to get away from this vampire long enough to cover myself. Almost instantly the vamp got up causing me to jump. "There's a graveyard a little ways from here, you can shift and change in the maintenance shed. As I'm sure you heard earlier there are some odd creatures in these woods so ill walk you to town myself. Then I can take you to Ezra and have him give you a once over." he began to walk and turned around about five feet away to ask if I was going to follow, I decide that this town might be a start to a weird series of events. We made our way through the woods to a small path of cleared trees and some sand, we followed that to the graveyard behind a large church like building and that's when I saw the small shed. "I'll stand behind the shed towards the woods I'm sure nobody is awake so you shouldn't have to worry about townsfolk." I shifted back into my Lykan form and hurry into the shed. My (hair length) (H/Color) hair fell over my face as I shoved myself into my tight jeans and put my long sleeve white shirt on. my ears still sat on the top of my head and my tail is swishing back and forth in anticipation of how this town was going to accept a new comer and a freak at that. I threw on the hoodie I had found hanging on a tree on my way out of my old town, probably left by one of the boys in the old town. I smoothed my fur down and walked out of the shed with my bag in my hands, I peaked my head around the corner and caught the golden eyes of the man called Finnegan as he's leaned against the shack with his arms crossed. 

      I walk up to him with my arm wrapped around my bag and offered him the other. "My names (y/n), sorry about the weird introduction but I really just have no clue where I am or where I'm going." he grinned and studied me before opening up and talking again. "You cleanup really well don't you (y/n)." I simply lowered my head as a response and shrugged my shoulders. " It would suck to have to stay as wolf all the time because I'm just to ugly to look at as a Lykan." he laughs flashing his fangs and approaching me and taking my hand pulling me closer to him to where we were inches apart. "Ugly is one thing you aren't, if your this pretty as a Lykan then I cant wait to see you in human form" he then snuck his arm around my waist turning me around as he began to walk to the town. "How did you know I could do that?" I stopped him and I could see his grin form as he turned around to meet my eyes. "I've been alive a long time (y/n).  when the old man who sired me was alive he'd tell us stories of the dire wolves that lived in the forest in the mountains. He would tell us stories of how they had almost repopulated in a town not far from here, completely unannounced to the world growing among the town folk." he looked away suddenly his essence changed from one of wisdom and confidence to one of remorse and sadness. He began to walk once again motioning for me to follow. "That is until the townsfolk caught wind  of such rumors. He banded together the higher ups and went through exposing half the town to be," he grimaces as if saying the name leaves a sour taste in his mouth, "werewolves as the humans put it."  We had just made it through a small alley leading too a large stone road. This is the first time I've heard the real story aloud of what happened to my parents that day. Suddenly I  didn't feel much like talking anymore and the vampire noticed this as we made it to the closed up and dark market side of town. Large tents and shacks were on both sides of the road, I'm sure it looks much nicer when its open and bustling with people. "I'll have to show it to you." he says suddenly again answering my thoughts as if id said them aloud. "You know Finn I love your interest in me but I think its kind of of rude to read others thoughts right?" His eyes suddenly dart away and clears his throat, "Not if the person has particularly loud thoughts but I do see what you mean. Nasty habit it is, been aiming to fix that." We both laugh for a bit and then he heads for a door on the right side of the road raising his metal arm to touch the door. When his hand makes contact, Finn says a few words in another language and his arm burst to  life flowing with blue lights. The door makes a noise and a shield seams to lower into Finn's hand as he opens the door. He pulls me in and I'm immediately overwhelmed at the smells around me, some fragrant like perfumes and others dirty like burning wood. He had shelves of boxes and books, homemade spells and food with jars of candy lining the shelves.

     Finn puts the wards back up and leads me to the kitchen where he sits me down at the wooden table across from the couch and the wall covered in art work, "Wait here while I run upstairs and get the witch you just relax and think if anything hurts or needs to be looked at." with Finns vampy speed skills he vanishes up the stairs to get this so called witch, I certainly do hope I don't meet the same fate as my parents once did in this town years ago. I here rustling and movement up the stairs as a dark skinned man comes running to me with worried eyes and open arms. he cups my face in his hands and scans me over for any sign of blood or wounds. "Finnegan she looks alright, you made her out to be as if she'd been attacked." He looks back at Finn letting go of my face in order to hit him in the head just enough to scuffle his hair. He then turns around to me and straightens up his robe and his curly mop of hair, I hold out my hand to introduce myself and he grabs it with both hands pulling me in with a smile. "I'm Ezra and this my little spells and Knick knack shop." he has a strange contagious happiness that causes my worries and doubts to slip away. He rubs his hand through my hair making his way to my ears checking for ticks and mites since my ears are much different  from human ears. "Are you ok," He says we a worry filled smile and motions me to sit down, I obey as my feet have become numb after so many days of walking. He reaches into his shelves and pulls  out a kettle and a metal box of herbs and tea bags for homemade blends. "Go on love what happen? Why are you out in the woods at this hour?" I yawned in response of all their questions and simply said, "No disrespect Ezra but I'm exhausted and my feet are throbbing, I think the walking has caught up to me." He nods knowing what I mean. Ezra hands me a cup of tea and some cookies from a jar up in the cabinet. "Right I'm sorry. Let me help Finn out and I'll come back and run you a bath with herbs and salts to get you well rested and ready for tomorrow." He and Finn stepped to a hatch underneath the rug in Ezra's common quarters.  I took a few cookies sneaking them into my bag so that I can eat them later as well, they were ( favorite kind ) cookies and i couldn't resist the temptation to stuff my face. 

        Finn calls my name waving as he disappears into the hole and Ezra closes it back up and covers it again. "Alright now to get you all set, come with me up stairs." I follow behind slowly hating every step up those stairs but it was well worth it when I made it. He had a big circle tub surrounded in stone, it looked to be able to fit two people and the water come up pretty high. The twinkling lights hanging from the ceiling were different shades of blue purple and pink with a magical blue flamed candle hanging on the wall in a glass case. The tub was filled with steaming water and flower petals, the room smelled of pine and mint with citrus chopped up into slices and dropped into the water. Bubbles had covered the top of the water like snow and smelled like lavender and honey. His bathroom was pure happiness and love expressed in his home. "Now this bath should help your muscles not be sore in the morning and it should help you fall asleep tonight, I hate to ask but should I check you for ticks or scratch's anywhere on you?" I shrugged as my body was still covered in fur and it could be hiding anything but I was so self conscious about my body that I wouldn't dare ask for his help with this task. I point my head down and hugged myself as if to comfort myself. Ezra looked at me with kind eyes and hands me a towel, "Its ok if you aren't comfortable with it, just promise me you'll come and let me take any off for you. They carry lime disease and other things that can harm you!" as he goes to grab the handle to leave I grab his arm. I muster up all the courage I can and whispered, "Can you stay and help me Ezra?" He smiles and blushes slightly, wrapping me in a hug, "of course!" He closes the door and stays turned around as I take my clothes that I have on now off and grab the robe from the wall and cover myself. "Alright your ok to look now." I say in a small voice. "Alright I'm gonna start with your legs and work my way up and after your done you can use my cats flea shampoo to make sure everything is clean and gone. I nod my head agreeing and let him begin, he rubs his soft hands over my paw pads massaging as he goes looking for any bumps or imperfections. He comes across a tick that had made itself at home on my inner thigh , he poked and prodded at it for a few minutes but it was resistant to all his attempts. "You know fur is great but I just don't think I could do a full body of it." He laughs and I return his joke with a giggle of my own. "Would it be easier if there was no fur?" I ask searching his face for his reaction.  At first he looks confused and he seemed to be racking his brain for what I could be saying. "Well I'm certainly not going to shave you if that's what your asking." he smiles and we both laugh. I trusted Ezra I didn't sense any type of misjudgment or threat coming from this simple witch. 

     I began to shift into my human form and my leg grew smaller in his hand and the once thick course fur is now bare soft human skin. The robe that was a perfect fit before, is now hanging down off my shoulders. It draped around me like a sheet and Ezra had stayed quiet so far, only staring wide eyed and enchanted at the sight. My hair falls in front of my face as I smile at him, "Is that any better?" He's still not said a word so far, just staring at my face and rubbing my legs searching for the fur that was no longer there. "Now how did you do that? spell? hallucinations? Are you even a wolf?" He seems stunned and unsure of what to say, he did however have lots of questions some of which I could answer and others was searching for myself. We talked while taking the ticks that had made themselves at home on me off finally, burning them as he went. his hands glided over me like soap and his hands felt like heaven against my skin.  "I'm honestly stunned I didn't think of it before you told me, I remember in school they use to mention small things about dire wolves but they never dove into that chapter which I guess was because you guys were believed to have died out long ago. but behold!" he places some bubbles on my he'd and smiles so wide that his eyes look squinty. "your here1 So obviously the world didn't lose all of its beautiful one of a kind dire wolves." What a sweet happy minded guy, he seemed to only be able to see the silver lining and if he could see the other side of things then he hides his emotions very well. It didn't take much for the mud and dirt that was previously there to fall away into the soapy water. Ezra had gone to make himself a cup of tea and was waiting in his room for when I was done. My hair had been shampooed and I washed my body with the bar of soap sitting on the side of the tub. It was green and purple but see through, there was a small flower in the middle and there seemed to be small beads in the soap that came out as you washed. It smelled like roses and vanilla, the smell reminded me of Ezra. Soon I got out and dried myself off with the lavender towel Ezra had left behind, throwing the robe on and heading to where Ezra had said his room was. He had laid out a large t-shirt and a pair of women's shorts? I hadn't seen a women in here before and no-one had said anything about a wife or girlfriend ... maybe they were a friend of his, at least that's what I'm hoping. As soon as my head hit the soft feather pillow I drifted off into a deep sleep, filled with dreams of of cookies, flowers, and Ezra? oh, Finnigan as well. Seems I simply cant escape the happenings of tonight or the past. My memories slowly drift back to that little blonde haired girl I had loved once before.

(A/N) The picture at the top is of the characters mentioned in this from the game when the night comes. if you haven't read it You should defiantly take a look before you dive into this so that you can fall in love with the characters before reading other peoples interpretations of their personalities. I personally feel like I couldn't dream of reaching the level of dedication that the creator of the game had for their characters.

I also have a second chapter out on wattpad you can find it here.

https://my.w.tt/i2iNayX8mbb

[ro-visiting-the-bureau]

So, You Summoned the Ghosts of Your Ancestors... - TCR Secret Santa 2019

@deadbonessinderhellaton, I was your Secret Santa this year! I decided to go for your prompt “Ghosts are like relatives. Once you let them in, they never leave.” Enjoy, and a very Merry Christmas to you!

Haru didn’t quite burst through the door of the cafe, but she did push it harder than she usually would and was through it before it open all the way. She swiveled her head and spotted Hiromi sitting at a table by the cafe’s fake fireplace, a mug of hot chocolate cradled in her hands. The strawberry blonde looked up as Haru approached and smiled. “Thanks for coming so quickly.”

“You left me a message saying ‘We screwed up’ and asked to meet me here asap,” Haru said, taking off her gloves, scarf and hat as a waitress came over to take her order. He asked for a hot chocolate and a small plate of pastries and then turned back to Hiromi when she left. “What happened?”

“Well, you know Tsuge and I have been clearing out his grandmother’s old house so we can move in after the wedding.” Hiromi played with the sapphire engagement ring on her hand. “We found a old journal in the attic, and flipped through it. It was written by Tsuge’s great-great grandfather, and he was a big paranormal-supernatural nut. Wrote down all these rituals that supposedly let you communicate with the dead.”

Haru didn’t need to hear another word to know exactly where this was going. She rested her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands. “You didn’t…”

“Well, we didn’t think they were really real, and Tsuge thought it’d be funny to try it.”

“You’re best friends with a paranormal investigator and you didn’t think there was a chance it was real?” Haru shot Hiromi a glare, making her curl up a bit and give a weak smile. 

“Well…”

Haru sighed and folded her arms on the table. “What happened?”

“Well, we found one that was supposed to bring up a old homeowner, and figured, ‘you know what, let’s see if we can learn home more history about this place that Grandma didn’t know’. So we grabbed some old playground chalk, drew one of the sigils on the ground, lit some candles…

~

“Is that the right shape?” Tsuge asked, kneeling over the circle and checking the sigil drawn on the inside.

“I think so,” Hiromi said, looking from the book to the shape. IT was mostly straight lines, with a few circles, and had particular instruction on how to draw it. Next to her was a old compass and a motley collection of candles, from from the same trunk as the book and compass, the rest dug out from closets and cabinets in the house. “Do you think it’ll be effected by us using the scented candles?”

“I’m not running out to grab tea lights in this weather.” He pointed out the window, where the snow was flying, not storming, but enough to encourage people to stay indoors unless you had to go out, or were a kid wanting to play. “Besides, it’s not like it will actually do anything.”

“Yeah, guess you’re right.” Hiromi shrugged and picked up the compass, holding it over the center of the circle. She took the two white ritual candles and put them at the north and east-northeast positions, which were the most important for the communication aspect they were looking for. Then they placed a small cinnamon candle at southeast, a large pine candle at south west, and a rose-scented tea light at west-northwest. Then Tsuge struck a match and used it to light a stick of incense, which he then used to light the candles in the same order they had been placed, before blowing it out and placing it in the center of the circle with a stand. He and Hiromi stood on opposite sides of the circle, holding the book in both hands over the center of the circle. Tsuge cleared his throat and started to speak. 

“Mortuus pacificus invocabo. Siquid erit vobis dicerem nobiscum hac nocte nos sacri.” His pronunciation was not too bad, but any Ancient Romans who might have heard it would find his accent horribly thick and-

( “Well, it wasn’t your first mistake, but your biggest is that you never do an incantation without practicing the correct pronunciation until you can be clearly understood. You’re lucky you didn’t summon a demon with that.”

“I wouldn’t be so sure…” )

The couple watched in shock as the ritual circles actually began to glow, a blue-white light that started softly, then grew until it almost hurt to look at. Then a breeze started tickling their ankles, flowing into the center of the circle. Streams of light spun with the breeze, creating a vortex over the sigil. Hiromi gasped as it started to rise and grow up, spinning faster and faster and it climbed past their knees, and almost to their waists. Tsuge quickly read the book, and recited the next line of the spell. “Mortuus: venite, et locutus est ad nos, sic fiat semper.”

The vortex stopped growing, but increased in speed, it’s light almost blinding. Then a low note, separate from the whipping wind, started to grow, louder and louder, until it was recognizable as a scream. Another joined it, soft and then louder, then another, and another, until the strident calls was so loud it was hurting their ears. Then, something slingshotted out of the vortex, just missing Tsuge’s nose, then another buzzed Hiromi’s ear, and more flew out around them and the room before impacting the walls and seeming to disappear. The vortex slowly lost power and sank down to the floor, sending out one last whip of wind which blew out the candles before disappearing completely, and the glow dimmed to nothing. 

Hiromi and Tsuge stared at each other for a long moment, before stepping back and letting the book fall to the floor. 

"That was…" Tsuge trailed off, completely flabergasted. 

"It worked. That was an actual spell." Hiromi raised her hands to her face. "Harry is gonna be so mad." ( "You're darn right I'm mad!" ) "She always says this is not something to take lightly."

"Hey now," Tsuge said, coming over and placing his hands on her arms and rubbing them soothingly. "Maybe it's not so bad. Maybe it's Grandpa, and he'll go away once we have a pleasant conversation with him."

Hiromi sighed and was about to speak when a man's voice behind her cut her off. "Kami, what are you wearing!?"

Hiromi and Tsuge turned and saw a figure by the wall. It was a man, maybe in his mid fifties, hair in a topknot and wearing an old fashioned kimono. "This is not a bathhouse, put some clothes on!"

Hiromi looked down at her sweater and jeans that covered her from neck to wrist and ankle, and then Tsuge's t-shirt and jeans (he always ran warmer than her). They were even wearing socks, so you couldn't see their feet. "Um, sorry, but these are perfectly modest clothes for these days. Can I ask your name, honored ancestor?"

"Modest indeed,” the ghost huffed, coming into the room. “I am Kaneda Fujimaro, and these are the lands of my family. We have lived here for over a hundred years, and I now ask what you are doing here?”

“Can’t you see, you old man,” a new voice said, and a woman came through the wall, maybe a few years younger than Fujimaro, holding a cane, and wearing the same style of kimono. “They’re obviously our descendants, or can you not see your jaw on that young man’s face?”

“Of course I can see it, woman, I’m not blind!” 

“Well, you could have fooled me.” The woman floated - actually floated ( “Well of course she did, she’s a ghost!” ) - over to the couple, and reached a hand to touch Tsuge’s face. Tsuge flinched, but turned his head as the woman directed him to, and she gave him a critical eye. 

“Yes, you have my husbands jaw, but these cheekbones… they look just like the Yasui family. And I had hoped Naozane was not fool enough to go through with that betrothal.” She patted his cheek and stepped back.

“Now see here, Etsuko” Fujimaro said, “Yasui Sozui was a fine man, and his son was just like him.”

“A fine thief, you mean,” Etsuko turned, raising her cane a little at her husband. “The whole village knows he only got to rich from those ‘trips’ he took to Edo and yet no one has ever gotten a straight answer as to what he did there.”

“A man’s financials are not the business of other men.”

“They are when your granddaughter will marry into that man’s family!” 

Etsuko and Fujimaro started bickering, and Hiromi and Tsuge glanced at each other, growing more uncomfortable and awkward by the second. The movement in the doorway caught Hiromi’s eye, and she looked to see another ghost, a younger man maybe in his thirties, waving from the doorway. He made a “come here” motion, and with the only other option being to remain next to the old couple until they remembered they had an audience, the young couple quickly did so. 

Once they were in the other room - the younger ghost having moved back to give them room to enter - the ghost breathed a sigh of relief. “I am so sorry you had to deal with my grandparent’s first. They love each other, and the family, but in their old age they constantly got on each other’s nerves. Or at least, I was told by my father, I was only a child when they both died.”

“And who was your father, honorable ancestor?” Tsuge asked. 

“Yasui Taroemon, his father was Yasui Sozui. I am Yasui Norio.” He turned and a woman about his age seemed to just appear at his elbow. “And this is my wife, Kaneda Hisae. We’re your… four times  great-grandparents?”

“Six times,” Hisae said, and when she smiled, Hiromi could see her fiance in it. “Tetsuo told us he’d had a newborn great-grandson the last time we talked. Tsuge, right?”

“Y-Yes, Nashito Tsuge. And this is my fiance, Takanori Hiromi.” He and Hiromi both bowed, and Norio and Hisae bowed back. 

“It is lovely to meet you both,” Norio said. “Though it could have been under better circumstances.”

“I’ll say,” Hiromi said. “You two don’t seem surprised by this.”

“Oh, we’ve done this plenty of times,” Hisae said. “Tsuge’s great grandfather Kentaro loved to talk with us all the time. We had several visits with him, sharing family stories and such. He wrote quite a lot of them down, they should all be in his journals.”

“Mother always wondered about that,” Tsuge said. “She and everyone else assumed he was transcribing for another family, but kept the journals for some reason.”

“Well, you see, when our son Sotan was a baby, we were all here visiting my family when a fire broke out. We were all trapped, but we managed to hand Sotan to his sister and the two managed to escape. Unfortunately, Naoko died from her burns a few days later, and Sotan was adopted by a lovely couple who you know as your ancestors.”

Hiromi suddenly remembered. “Wait, there are four of you here right now, you two, Etsuko and Fijumaro. But I know at least five ghosts were thrown past me from the vortex, and more past Tusge so where are they?”

“Scattered over the neighborhood, probably,” Norio said. “Most of this valley used to belong to either the Yasui or Kaneda families, so they could appear anywhere on the lands. But they’ll all come back here soon, since this is where the summoning happened.” He narrowed his gaze. “Though with how you messed it up, I don’t know the state they’ll be in. The ritual is supposed to only bring back those who were at peace when they died, like Hisae and I, but the different candles might have causes a change to it. They might even be stuck here.”

Hiromi and Tsuge paled at the thought of over a dozen potentially angry ghosts appearing in the house they were going to move into, and the couple looked to each other. 

“Call Haru.” 

“Right.”

~

“...And here we are,” Hiromi said, giving a very strained smile. “Tsuge is trying to hold down the fort with Norio and Hisae, but I don’t know how well that’s going.”

Haru pinched the bridge of her nose between her hands, taking a deep breath. “Okay, this is going to be way too big a job for just me. I need to call in the whole team.”

Hiromi’s eyes widened. “You think it’s that bad?” 

“Ghosts are like relatives, Hiromi. Once you let them in, they never leave. And you have the unfortunate case of them being actual relatives.” Haru drained the last of her hot chocolate and stood, putting her coat back on. “Come on. You’re gonna be the one to explain to Baron why we need to pull Sephie and Louise off the Osaki case.”

Hiromi gulped, and Haru felt a little pity for her best friend, but it was overruled by irritation. This was not how she wanted to spend her winter vacation.

[darknessprinceofasuretha-blog]

The Seamless Boy Born In Blood

Notes: my soul intent is to horrify everyone who reads this but if it’s not scary to you? Oh well I tried my best to scare people. I hope you are disturbed too. This is what happens when I’m allowed to write whatever I want and I’ve been reading too many stories of horror and murder and this happens.

⚠️ Trigger Warning: this contains four semi detailed death scenes, mentions of suicide, Murder, insanity, profanity ! Tread carefully, if you have a weak stomach I do not suggest reading ! ⚠️

The boy sat in his parents blood, his cheeks tear stained and his hands bloodstained he had been sitting in his parents blood for hours days even and no one has yet to find him, how fitting for him, don’t you think? His eyes are blue his hair light pink, his mother's hair red and his father’s white. He was the direct result of his mother and father trying desperately for a baby and mother was so happy when she figured out he was coming and he was healthy unlike his miscarried siblings who lived for a max of thirty minutes or less after birth.

The boy had a perfect life now it meant close to nothing because of the fact that both of his parents were taken away from him so brutally and he hopes that he will be able to recover from this tragedy but who knows it basically depends on who took him in. it was seeming to get darker and darker and darker, as footsteps and worried voices grew louder, louder, louder. Though he had not the energy to care he had been with his parents rotting corpses for five days now, the smell was rancid.

The boy you will know as Reimlas Dorlana, five days ago witnessed his parents being brutally murdered in front of him. His mother sawed in half and then chopped into little pieces to be fed to fish though they beheaded her and kept her head, his father torn apart limb from limb and also cut up into tiny pieces that they were going to try and make the boy eat, they took his father's head too, even went as far as cutting out his tongue and digging out his eyes. Though why did they leave him alive? To suffer the burden of knowing the murderers of his parents? They were close friends they were jealous of his mother, so they killed her, though the behavior leading up to them killing his parents didn’t surprise him.

The boy was so weak he wouldn’t make it if paramedics didn’t show up soon. The door slammed open to reveal the face of the young man who lived next door but he couldn’t do anything at that point he then blacked out and he couldn’t remember what happened after that he woke up in a hospital bed. The next thing he knew he was being towered over by an extremely kind nurse who tended to his wounds, he too got wounds for trying to protect his mother which resulted in him getting hurt.

She could not yet fathom the psychological horrors that he just went through, she never will until she watches her parents torn limb from limb, tongue cut off and eyes dug out, just to be squished under a shoe. Oh, evidence the clothing would be burnt by now. That alone will put him through years of therapy, though even that will not ease the pain of seeing his parents murdered in front of him.

Every time it seems he has something good he seems to just lose it. Just like his sanity he’s begun to question it, he has lost all feelings, maybe it’s for the best, if he did feel things maybe he would act a bit more normal? Reimlas didn’t know nor did he care, he can’t seem to care about anything anymore other than his cat.

Yet the thought still is chilling when his mother died she smiled as if she knew it was coming, yet she didn’t care? Maybe but the motive for her and her husbands murder is unknown to the police but Reimlas knew everything he would not be mocked by the details so he simply just left he did not care for what the police found for they would mock him. But he was not of age to leave on his own, having both of his wings broken he was given to his grandparents and they were murdered too. The same way his mother and father were they were beheaded though this time grandma was just torn to shreds intestines everywhere blood was dripping from the ceiling, the intestines hung up as if a child was going to swing in them. Grandma had her eyes in her mouth and tongue cut down the middle and put in her eye sockets, that alone made Reimlas throw up. Though you didn’t see what happened to grandpa they broke his neck hung him and disemboweled him, he was in one piece other than grandma.

It was sickening he knew who did it but he couldn’t do a single damn thing, or they’d kill his cat, If they killed his cat the last thing tying him to his sanity will be gone and he will go f*cking insane, also he didn’t want his cat to be dead too so he kept quiet on the sidelines and it just never gets better. He’s slowly going insane, he can no longer take the mistreatments he’s done with it all. At this point to Reimlas he thinks that these people think it’s a game, who will become insane first?

Apparently it would be himself. Because if he told a single soul he would become labeled insane that’s how this world works if you say something someone else doesn’t believe they will fight you over it. But if you say something that is right, people have enough money then you will be the insane one. But that’s what the world has come down to, if you have money you will survive if you don’t then you’re irrelevant. It’s almost like saying only the fittest survive and the weak die, but that wouldn’t be the case at all.

Reinmlas was so done with the world what could he do? Slit his throat and die? No he isn’t going to go insane that’s what he thinks anyways and the thought just never seems to be getting better, it just seems to get more distorted. Reimlas woke up and seen his cat was dead, hard in his arms and he went out to bury mittens and said goodbye. Something seemed to break inside of him and he gently grabbed some of his pink locks and pulled starting to laugh maniacally, tears of sorrow, joy, and laughter he was breaking, he was finally going insane.

You know that moment when you’ve held something secret for so long, it’s starting to break you? That’s what Reimlas was experiencing at the moment he was going insane because he kept the truth from everyone now the only things that he remotely cared about are dead, but now it’s time to reap what had been sown Mr. and Mrs. Johnsonis.

Mind you Reimlas has went through multiple courses of study throughout the years so it wasn’t just that, he’s now a young man, he is a forensic scientist and he has a lot of degrees in the specific fields, his teachers even said they wouldn’t be surprised if he pulled off the perfect murder one day and that’s saying something sadly. Reimlas hasn’t been the same after that day, his emotions are all faked because he just doesn’t feel anything, gratification for his work does nothing either.

Reimlas was going to murder the Johnsonis, but he had an even better idea. Though at this point he wasn’t even human anymore, he murmured to himself as he twirled a scalpel on his gloved finger. “I am a monster..born in blood but something oddly reminds me of home, the place my parents were murdered, though something doesn’t feel right, I don’t think I’m even human anymore, though life doesn’t have to be fun, I suppose it only has to be lived and that’s the end of it.” Reimlas said throwing his scalpel and it shatters a pot. “The guilt of what they have made me will be enough to eat them alive.” He’s right if someone feels guilty enough for what they have done they will try and repent for said sin. “Though this game is over now... I win.”

Reimlas had a horrific smile come across his face as he started to laugh manically again. He broke completely, not even looking at the deep cuts on his wrists could get him to stop and even when looking at them he laughed harder. “Weakness is a sin, it’s top to stop being weak HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.” Reimlas started twitching as he laughed, he reached into his pocket to grab his freshly sharpened scalpel and drove it into his leg, it cut into him like butter like he anticipated, he didn’t scream or cry he simply just stopped laughing.

Reimlas let the blood on his fingers fall to the ground as he held the wound he created it wasn’t that deadly. He lifted his hands to look at them and he immediately got flashbacks of that small room he was crammed in with his parents dead and rancid smelling bodies, he was crying, traumatized.

Reimlas got up and wrapped up his wound and headed towards the door with his keys in his hand and gloves on, a smirk on his face. It’s time to pay the Johnsonis’ daughter a visit. Reimlas got in his car loosened his pink locks opened the mirror and then did his make up and grabbed his guitar, the Johnsonis Family think that Reimlas has forgotten the crime they have committed against him but no he hasn’t in fact he thinks it’s fitting to say, an eye for an eye.

Reimlas closed the mirror and the thing it was on before starting his car and backing out of the driveway. Reimlas still lives in his grandparents neighborhood so he didn’t exactly go anywhere the house his parents got murdered in still belonged to him, people were fighting him over the house and losing terribly. Reimlas sighed he needed to put on an emotional mask real quick which he achieved by smiling to the old lady that’s just a hag and then he waved to the newly married couple who were watering plants together up each other’s ass.

To be clear the neighborhood that Reimlas lived in is for the rich people to live no poor people or middle class allowed here. Giant houses and mansions anything you could think of is probably here. Reimlas dodged a cat with his car that he almost hit and killed, he would have tried to be upset if that happened because that’s a normal response to killing something. Reimlas pulled into the driveway of the Johnsonis house and got out grabbing his guitar he made his way to the front door.

He rang the bell three times to have the door answered by the youngest daughter, Lola, Reimlas leant in and kissed her lips, her parents were home but were passed out. This is what he has to endure for five more seconds before she takes him up to her room. It’s very girly and pink, neon fucking pink. And he hates her room so much but he never says a word.

‘Think like a forensic scientist on a crime scene what am I looking for?’ Reimlas thought before he covered Lola’s beautiful blue eyes and pushed her down on her bed, he had blind folded her, made her move into a comfortable position and told her an extremely sad story, his backstory and made her cry.

He still had gloves on as he seized the scalpel he had earlier sharpened but he didn’t use this one to stab himself, he made her take the scalpel she didn’t realize what it was and he told her it would check her heartbeat it had to be jabbed onto the place where her heart was.

She was stupid to believe it, killed herself instantly because she made her own heart burst. ‘That will be ruled a suicide.’ Reimlas said in his head and then he got up making sure no evidence was left behind and then he grabbed his guitar and casually left the room.

The brother how did he take care of him? He gave him a drug that makes you claw your own eyes out and itch until you bleed, the dude just shot himself in the head. He found the easy way out of the suffering and Reimlas smirked. ‘Two suicides that must be linked to something don’t you think?’ Reimlas thought grabbing his belongings and leaving. ‘Nothing extraordinary needed to happen just revenge and it feels good, I hope you guys like being childless. Like I liked having no mother and father.’ Reimlas thought as he walked out and laughed running a hand through his pink locks and then he left before the neighbors seen him.

[theartificialdane]

Andromeda: Requiem

Violet recieves a letter. Her stepfather is dead. This is what happens when a mothers love forces her to face her worst fears. Galactica and Paris AU tie in.

/ Thank you to @veronicasanders for her eternal patience, great guidance and insistence on pushing me beyond my comfort zone. This would not have been made without you.  Dedicated to @imanationalphenomenon - I’m sorry I made you wait this long, but here it finally is!

“Make a right.”

Sutan nodded, Violet guiding him through a tiny suburb outside Atlanta, the city sign saying Lilburn. Violet had gotten the message a little over a week ago that her stepdad had died, his wife barely reacting as she read the letter that had arrived to their New York address from someone who had called himself Dax. Sutan had never seen Violet’s childhood home, had never met anyone from the family that had his wife for the first 13 years of her life. He didn’t know what he was expecting. He turned down the road, it all looking strangely normal. Where Violet had grown up just a normal neighborhood filled with small suburban homes with front lawns, trampolines and garages.

They had attended the service after circling for what felt like hours looking for the right church, the town feeling like it was 80% churches compared to Manhattan. The service was surprisingly full from what little Sutan had heard from Violet about the kind of person her stepdad had been. They had slipped in and sat at the very back, Sutan holding Violet’s hand through the entire thing. Sutan hadn’t even realised he had never seen a photo of Violet’s stepdad, until he was faced with the picture of him next to the casket, a large brunette man looking back at him. Sutan knew that his name was John, and how Violet’s expression darkened when she was forced to talk about him. What was the most bizarre of all though, was when he spotted a short plump woman at the very front of the church. She had to be Abigail Dardo. She was saying hello to everyone, a handkerchief clutched in her hand, her blonde hair in big curls, her blue eyes so unlike his wife, the only thing they had in common the set of their mouth and, as Sutan looked closely, the shape of theirs hands. He had wanted to get a better look at the woman who had attempted to raise the woman he loved, curiosity nearly killing the cat, but Violet had left the church in a hurry after the service, almost like she had spotted something.

”Here…”

Sutan stopped the car outside a completely normal two story house with a porch and a garage. They had circled around town, Violet clearly trying to kill time, though Sutan had no idea what she was waiting for, pointing him in different directions. They had passed a small run down dance studio, Violet gently touching his arm to make him slow down, though she hadn’t asked him to stop. The house had been the first place she had actually talked to him. Another car was parked there as well, Violet jumping when she spotted it, but she hadn’t said anything.

“So.. This is where you grew up?”

Violet nodded, his wife twisting the wedding ring on her finger again and again, the thin gold band rubbing back and forth. Violet hadn’t told him what they were doing here, but he knew she wouldn’t have insisted on going if there wasn’t something truly important she had to do, something she had to get.

“Are you sure you want to go in?”

Sutan looked over at Violet, the woman still quiet, just as she had been on the entire trip to Georgia. “Alright.” It was something he had learned to accept, even if he didn’t like it, but after almost two decades of marriage, Violet’s silence when it all became too much was as expected as how she always curled up in his arms to find enough peace to sleep after a day just like this. “Let’s go.”

Sutan moved to open his door, but Violet reached out, catching his wrist in her hand, stopping him.

“I…”

“Yes?”

“Thank you for coming with me.”

Sutan smiled, his heart filled with tender affection, Violet’s voice so very small. “I’d never let you go alone.” Sutan kissed her gently, before opening his door and stepped out on the cold winter road.

///

Violet took a deep breath, her hand shaking as she reached for the doorbell. Walking up to the house had felt like walking in a dream, everything so surreal. She knew she had fallen into silence, that Sutan was worried about her, but how could she not when everything around was just like when she was small, the road one she remembered so vividly, walking home in her beat up trainers, her heels now clacking on the same pavement that had tormented her.

She didn’t want to do this, but she knew exactly who she had to do it for.

Violet pressed the bell, a riiing sounding from inside the house, a dog started yapping, and Violet could hear footsteps, more footsteps than she expected, and then, the door opened.

“Oh..” This was yet another person Sutan had never seen before. She was shorter than Violet, a few years younger too. “So it was actually you.” She had clearly been crying, her mascara smudged. A toddler was on her hip, a little boy staring at them. “Just when I thought today couldn’t get any worse.”

“Hello Becky...”

“What do you want?”

Sutan could feel Violet’s fingers tighten on his arm, his wife’s nails digging into his jacket. The tension was so thick you could have cut it with a knife, Violet and the woman who Violet had called Becky staring at each other, both looking like they expected war to break out. Becky’s blonde hair was in a half bun, her black dress still on, the child also dressed up.

“Hi there.” Sutan held his hand out. “I’m Suta-”

“I know who you are. I watch TV.”

“Ah.” Sutan put his hand back in his pocket.

“Is...” Sutan could see Violet was visually struggling, his wife looking like she was about to vomit. “Abigail here?”

“She didn’t want to leave the cemetery just yet.”

“Can we come in?” Sutan looked at the stranger.

“Not until /she/-” Becky looked at Violet. “-tells me why you’re here.”

“I…” Violet’s nails dug even further, Sutan swearing he could feel them pierce his skin even through his layers of clothes. “I’m here... I’m here to pick up- It’s-”

“I forgot for a second that you were legally retarded.”

“I’m not-”

“You never could take a joke,” Becky rolled her eyes. “Come inside before Joshie freezes.” The woman stepped aside, bumping the toddler up.

They stepped in, Sutan closing the door behind them. {Who is she?} Sutan whispered as he took Violet’s coat, the French easily falling from his lips.

{My sister}

{You have a sister?} Violet had never mentioned a sister.

{Half-sister.}

Meanwhile Becky had put the toddler down who quickly disappeared, the voices of several kids being drowned out by the television in the next room.  

“Is… is that your son?” Violet swallowed, the woman clearly uncomfortable.

“As if you care.”

“Beck-”

“His name is Joshua, he’s 2. Youngest of three.” Becky turned to them, looking Sutan up and down. “Where’s your kid?”

Violet looked at Becky with surprise. “My kid?”

“I read too. Amazing that I learned how in Lilburn, huh Blair?” Becky huffed. “You didn’t leave her in the car, did you?”

Sutan took a slight step forward, Becky’s tone like every model who had ever thrown her drink; Snide and filled with venom. “Our daughter is at school. We didn’t think it necessary to bring her here.” Neither of them had even told Melati that John had died. Their daughter knew very little of Violet’s family, their child actually fully believing her mother was French until they had relocated to America in her early teens. Melati had never met Violet’s parents, had never even heard their name. Melati had asked, just once, but Violet had told her she already her a grandma, that her Nenek was there and that had been the end.

“Of course. Because nothing here has ever been good enough for you.”

“Good enough?” Violet felt a flicker of anger in her belly, the flame the first emotion besides nausea she had felt since she and Sutan had stepped on the plane in New York. “Good enough for me?”

“Yes. you heard me. You show up now that my dad is dead, show up in your fucking.. Designer clothes, and you want to play family? You want to pretend everything is fine?”

“I’d rather die than ever pretend anything that happened in this house was fine.” Violet knew that Becky had never been on her side, but to hear it from an adult instead of a little girl hurt more than a slap to the face. Their parents had always favored Becky, John calling her his little princess. Becky could do no wrong, the girl always praised by their parents, Violet forced to sit and watch TV whenever Becky wanted to, forced to eat food she didn’t like because Becky wanted it, forced to go to every school event because Becky wanted to with her friends from her grade while Violet did her best to be invisible. She had spent a childhood of being invisible, of having nothing, and even though Sutan hadn’t said anything, she knew she wasn’t alone. She had a life now, an actual life she build for herself. She had a company and a career, a husband she loved, she had friends and her dogs and most importantly she had the daughter she was doing this for.

“You’ve always been so dramatic.”

“I was tortured Becky, tortured for, for years, and the man who did it is finally in the groun-”

“Don’t you DARE say stuff like that about my dad! He was a good man.”

Violet couldn’t do anything but stare, the room going completely silent, the TV still running in the other room. “Is that what you truly believe?”

“You have no idea how hard it was for them. You got into that, that ballet school and then you suddenly disappeared. You stopped coming home for Thanksgiving or Christmas. Not even a single birthday card and then you show up in the magazines under a completely different name dating… dating him?” She gestured at Sutan. “And you didn’t even tell us? Mama found out from someone at church, at church Blair! You throw away the only number we have for you and you’re gone, except your face keeps showing up throwing your success in our faces! My dad was a good man who did everything for you, and you never appreciated any of it.”

“Can I use the restroom?”

///

“Close the door.”

Sutan closed the door behind him, quickly locking it as he still balanced their jackets. Becky’s words ringing in his ears. He took a deep breath through his nose, his fists still clenching and unclenching. Sutan prided himself on not being a man who was angered easily. He couldn’t, not in his profession, not with the way he lived his life, but his chest was burning hot. He couldn’t believe what he had heard. How the person who was apparently his wife’s sister defended a man who had done so much damage to the woman he loved. Siblings were suppose to look out for each other, were suppose to protect each other. He couldn’t even imagine how he would have attempted to survive growing up without Raja, a world truly without his sister one he didn’t even want to think of, and here he was, witnessing parts of why his wife was exactly the way she was. Her pride, her walls, the sometimes frightening stoicism that could overtake her when she was pushed to her breaking point.

“Darling-” Sutan wanted to reach out, to touch and soothe and understand. To make sure that Violet was still there and that she was okay, but Violet hiked her skirt up and got on her knees, Sutan freezing in place. “Lovely eyes, what are you-”

“Hush. Please.” Violet tapped her knuckles on one of the tiles next to the sink. “I can’t stay in this house another minute.” Violet tapped another tile, and Sutan got down on his knees as well.

“What’s going-”

Violet tapped a third tile. “There.” Sutan watched as his wife put her nails against the wall, popping the tile out, revealing a small empty tunnel in the wall. Violet reached inside, a whisper of “Oh thank god.” falling from her lips as she pulled a tin box into the light. The box was old, the flower pattern on it clearly painted with a child's hand, a fine layer of dust covering it.

“Is that why we’re here?”

It seemed strange, but also so very very like the woman that he had married; that she would willingly walk through fire for something as absurd as a tin box not even a surprise. Violet nodded, shaking it gently, the sound of several small items rustling inside.

“I don’t want to explain this house, this.. Any of this..” Violet looked at Sutan, her brown eyes blank with unshed tears, her cheeks a pale rose, her lip thick from how Sutan knew she had bitten it. “I don’t want this to be the story my daughter knows, for it.. For it to be her story..” Sutan nodded. Even though Violet was in her 40s, even though they had gone through so much together, she was still trying to escape something, still trying to run away from a piece of herself, and after seeing the scene in the hallway, Sutan felt like he understood it all slightly better.

“She’s so much more than this, so much more than me.. She’s.. She’s so much more than us.” Violet was whispering again. “I have never had words and I’ve never been good at explaining. I mean.. You know that..”

Sutan smiled slightly, his hand finding Violet’s neck, his palms holding her and grounding her. “I do.”

“But I’ll have this now..” Violet gave the box to Sutan. “And that has to be enough..”

“I’m sure it will be.” Sutan kissed Violet, their lips meeting in a gentle, closed mouthed peck, years of comfort and trust in that single movement. “Do you want to go home?”

“More than anything else.”

///

Sutan was sure Violet was seconds from just toeing off her Louboutins and running out the door like Cinderella, but all things considered she was surprisingly calm, her entire body clamping up again the moment he had opened the door to the bathroom.

They made their way down the stairs, just as the front door opened and the worst possible thing that could happen walked through it. Abigail Dardo.

Abigail stopped dead in her tracks, her eyes meeting Violet. “You’ve actually come.”

Violet froze. Pure terror radiating off her, her breath stopping. Abigail looked like a perfectly normal human being. Sutan knew she was two years younger than him and he had nearly choked on his drink when Violet had shared the fact with him. Abigail might actually have looked sweet, like a grandma who tried to stay young, but by Violets reaction, all Sutan could see was someone who had hurt the woman he loved so much that she would forever be damaged by it.

“John would be so happy you’re here, oh I knew you would regret all that nonsense from your youth Blair.”

“Excuse me ma’am, but we were just leaving.” Sutan put a hand in the small of Violet’s back, pushing her forwards as he tried to move in front of her, casually shielding her body like he had done so many times before from interviewers or photographers.

“But you just got here-”

“Flight to catch, can’t wait.” Sutan smiled, taking another few steps towards the door. “We’re very sorry for your loss, may he rest in peace.” Sutan didn’t want John to rest in peace, not even a little, actually he would be quite content if John Dardo spent the rest of eternity in christian hell being spitroasted by the devil.

“Let me see you. You’re so tall.” Abigail blocked their exit, staring at Violet. “You look so different from the last time I saw you..” If the little girl in the photo was anything to go by, Sutan couldn’t agree more. Violet had grown into an adult, a woman who was confident and competent, who carried herself with pride so unlike the few pictures Sutan had seen from her early college days and what little video he had found from the ballet.

“Come here Blair bear.” Abigail reached out, clearly trying to hug Violet, and then it happened.

“NO!”

Violet’s shout was loud and clear, her hands in front of her as she had just pushed her mother away, her eyes large, like she couldn’t believe what she had just done. “No.”

“Blair, what are you-”

“My husband and I are leaving. Right now.”

///

Violet slammed the car door behind her, her pulse racing. She hadn’t seen her mother in the flesh since she was 16, hadn’t seen the woman who had caused her so much pain since she had gotten injured and had dropped out of the Ballet Academy. Violet felt dirty, her skin almost itching where her mother had touched her, light sweat covering her body.

“Can we go?! Please-”

Violet knew she was being hysterical, knew she wasn’t fair, but everything in her told her to chose fight or flight and she had no intention of fighting.

“We can go to the airport right away” Sutan started the car, pulling away from the driveaway and out into the big road.

“No.” Violet couldn’t handle the idea of an airport, couldn’t stand the idea of so many strangers around her, people looking at her, wondering about her. “Just. I can’t fly, I need- Can we just- drive- I- please?”

“It’s a 12 hour drive my love.”

Violet knew she was asking a lot of her husband, knew she was being terribly unfair, knew what she was requesting wasn’t okay, but she couldn’t go to the airport. Her mind was racing at the risk of being followed, and the only thing she could think of that would help was an open highway, driving as fast as they could. “Please.”

Sutan looked at her, and Violet couldn’t help but worry he would say no, that he would tell her she was overreacting and that she was being dramatic.

“Of course darling. Of course.”

////

Melati was typing away on her computer, her art history essay unfortunately not writing itself. Next to her she had the thick dictionary she had gotten as a gift from her aunt Fame. Most of her classmates didn’t understand why Melati prefered a physical dictionary whenever she could, but it just wasn’t the same with an online one, her brain that was heavily anchored in french not truly understanding a new word unless she did the physical act of looking up a word. It was most likely something she had picked up in Paris, her private school there so focused on papers and actual books that even after she had fully transferred into the american school system, there was still something about it.

Melati heard a knock on the door, her mother standing there with a steaming cup of tea in hand.

{How’s the exam going?}

{Okay.} Melati smiled, moving the piece she was working on away so Violet could put the cup down next to her computer, the scent of peach tea filling her nose. {Thank you Mama.} Melati turned her attention back on her computer, but a small cough made her look back up.

{I.. Umh..} Violet sat down. {I have something for you.}

{You do?}

Melati didn’t often get presents from her mom, gifts so much more something her dad excelled at and found delight in.

Violet placed a tin box on the desk. {Here.}

{What is it?}

{Something I had long ago..} Violet smiled, her eyes sad. {I know.. I know I haven’t always been.. Good.. at answering your questions.}

Melati felt a brief stab in her heart. To say that her mother wasn’t good at answering questions would be the understatement of the century, if not the millennium. She had never thought about how little she knew as a child. She knew her father's family, summers in Indonesia with her toes in the sand and she had thought she knew her mother, Autumn in Paris with the leaves falling and slow weekends spend in the country home eating grapes and playing with Frida. Melati Lavender Amrull had known who she was, what she came from, until she had found out that France wasn’t her mother's blood after all, and that there was so much she had no idea about.

{I didn’t.. The reason I haven’t told you much- I… Melati, I want you to understand.. I wasn’t a very happy child.. And that’s.. I want so much more for you, puppet.} Violet gently stroked Melati’s cheek, her cool thumb gliding over brown skin. {I can’t give you everything you ask for, but I can give you this..} Violet pushed the box forwards.

Melati looked at her mother, confusion without a doubt clear on her face as she gently opened the box, the thing creaking slightly.

{These are.. Things, I hid as a child. Things that were important to me. Treasures that brought me comfort and joy.}

Inside there was a picture of a little girl with a backpack that looked almost twice the size she was, a timid smile on the child's lips. Melati instantly recognizing the nose and she realized it was the first photo she had ever seen of her mother as a child. There was a smooth white rock, a piece of thick white ribbon, three light blue marbles, a piece of rosa soap shaped like a flower, a single dangling earring with a red stone and three cents.

Melati held up the photo, studying it.

{That’s from my first day of school. The backpack was my favorite.} Violet smiled. I never really.. I never liked going to school.}

{Why?}

{I might tell you another time.}

Melati nodded. Normally a response like that from her mother would make annoyance rush through her, but as she looked at the things, she realised that this was more than she had ever been told before. Even though the things that had been saved might have looked jumbled to a stranger, Melati felt like she recognised it all from her mother's designs. The childhood treasures all carrying the sense of gravity and wistfulness that so many praised the Chachki universe for. A somber longing for something else. A childish hope that something could change. A promise that the future could somehow be better.

{Thank you Mama. Thank you for these.} Melati reached out, taking her mother’s hand in hers, Violet holding it tight. Violet nodded, the grip of her fingers trying to express everything she couldn’t say with words.

[momentsbeforemass]

Where you live matters

(by request, my homily from Sunday)

Where do you live?

When we meet someone new, it’s one of the questions that we want answered. It’s a single piece of information. But it’s one that tells us lot about them.

Because where you live matters.

You know it well. Not just from your own experience. But also from your good work with Deacon Mick, helping the homeless. You’ve gotten to see, up close and personal, what not having any place to live can do to someone. Which is why you have been willing to do something about it. God bless you for doing it.

Because where you live matters.

Not just where you rest your head. But, even more importantly, where you rest your heart.

I’d like to tell you about someone I’ve known for over 25 years. He was the only son. He grew up in his father’s business. It was a good business. It was doing so well, that national newspapers came to interview his father. To find out how his father was doing it. And he was part of that success.

Everybody knew the plan for his life. He would help his father grow the business now. Learn it well, and then, when his father retired, he would take over and take it to the next level. His whole world, his whole self-image, was built around that plan.

Which is why, when his father died of a sudden heart attack, what happened next was a complete shock.

Instead of stepping into the role that he had been preparing for his whole life, his mother sold the business. To his father’s biggest competitor.

I can’t even imagine that kind of betrayal.

The loss of everything you had worked for your whole life. Everything your self-image was built around. Your whole future, gone in the blink of an eye.

Done to you by your own mother. Because she didn’t trust you to keep the business going.

It would take anybody a long time to dig out of that hole. The road out couldn’t be anything but a mess. Two steps forward, one step back. Probably not even that fast.

But he never dug out. Instead, he moved in.

He took the worst moment of his life. And made it the defining moment of his life.

In the 50 years that he has lived since then, he has not moved past it. The mother who betrayed him is long dead. But for him, the wounds are just as fresh, just as raw, as they were the day when everything fell apart.

Moving in, letting that moment frame his life, has come at a terrible price. It has poisoned every part of his life.

A loving marriage has turned into an endurance contest. Children that have grown up to be people that any of us would be proud of, go unnoticed by their father.

For him, all of it grows more bitter, more resentful, by the year. And all of it flows from that terrible moment that he has made into his home.

So what’s the alternative to making the worst moment of your life the defining moment of your life?

Hope that nothing bad ever happens to you?

Good luck with that.

Actually, before I ever met him, God had already introduced me to the alternative. Her name is Charlotte.

I lived next door to Charlotte for a couple of years when I was in Carbondale. She was one of the happiest people I had ever met. In the neighborhood, she was everyone’s grandma. With an easy smile and an infectious laugh that just drew you in.

I made friends with Charlotte (it was kind of hard not to) and started going to church with her. All before I learned her story.

She and her husband were high school sweethearts. When he came back from the war, they got married and started their own business. A bus company that they built together, starting from zero with one used bus. They were married for over 25 years, they had 2 great kids. They were living the American dream.

Until the night a drunk driver crossed the centerline. Killing her husband and her daughter.

By herself, Charlotte couldn’t keep the bus company going. And ended up having to sell it, at a loss.

In less than a year, she lost her husband, her daughter, and her business. Her whole world was destroyed.

It would take anybody a long time to dig out of that hole. The road out couldn’t be anything but a mess. Two steps forward, one step back. Probably not even that fast.

But Charlotte didn’t move into the hole.

What made it different for Charlotte was that she didn’t live in the hole while she dug out of it.

Instead, Charlotte moved home.

Not with her mother and father. They were long gone. And she still had a son to raise. By herself.

No, Charlotte moved home with her heavenly Father.

And she would be the first to tell you the she didn’t even try to dig out of the hole of losing her husband, and her daughter, and her business by herself. She dug out of the hole, one day at a time, with God.

By drawing close to God day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. By relying on God in everything. And for everything. By not letting anything come between her and God.

It was 15 years after it happened when she told me this. And it still brought a tear to her eye. She still grieved the loss her husband and her daughter.

But that loss is not the defining moment of her life. Charlotte doesn’t live there.

Because Charlotte understood what Jesus is talking about in today’s Gospel. It’s what Jeremiah makes plain in the first reading.

It’s how someone can flourish, even during the very worst. How there can still be joy, right in the very heart of sorrow. Not because you’re in denial. Not because it doesn’t hurt.

But because you are grounded in God, not yourself. You have a well spring of joy that no sorrow can stop for long.

Because your heart has made its home in the very source of life Himself.

The man I told you about is miserable to this day. Because his response to the loss of his father, and the loss of the future his father planned for him, was to trust only in himself. To protect himself from ever being hurt again, by turning away from everyone else, including God.

And he has stayed committed to that course over the years.

Which is why, 50 years later, his heart is still living in the burned-out ruin of that terrible day. Because he continues to define his life by his loss.

That is the curse that Jeremiah is talking about.

It comes down to this – terrible things will happen to you and me. Anyone who thinks being a Christian is a get-out-of-life’s-problems free card hasn’t looked at the cross.

When terrible things happen, and they will, you have a choice.

You can move into them.

Or you can move home.

Because where you live matters.

Sunday’s Readings

[justanoutlawfic]

Crash: Chapt. 4 [Family Dinner]

Summary: A look back into Regina’s upbringing as she tries to get through dinner with her mom.

Also on AO3

As Regina pulled in front of her mother’s house the following evening, she did her best to suppress a sigh. She knew that she could call off the dinner. There were times that she had in the past. Regina could take Henry to Granny’s for burgers and he wouldn’t question it. He was always polite to his grandmother, but would complain about whatever concoction she had forced them to eat once they were back in the safety of her Mercedes. Unlike Daniel’s side of the family-who Henry always loved to visit-he never asked when they would see Grandma next. Regina didn’t blame him. If it weren’t for the date inked in red on her calendar, she’d like to forget it as well.

 With ditching dinner, however, would mean a guilt trip. They weren’t rare for mothers and Regina knew that. She also knew that Cora had a lot of honesty in hers. Henry and Regina really were the only family Cora Mills had left in the world.

 Cora hadn’t always been wealthy. She had grown up the daughter of two very poor factory workers, that liked their beer. Cora had busted her butt to make it through college. Despite one bump along the way when it came to Zelena’s father, she had been successful. Not long after graduating, she met Henry Sr. He was the youngest son of the Mills family, far off from inheriting the family business. Even so, he had a comfortable income and being a single mom wasn’t exactly the best look for Cora. So, the two got married and he adopted then 2-year-old Zelena. Regina had come along not after that.

 “Are we going inside?” Henry asked, breaking through her thoughts. “Or are we making a break and going to Granny’s?”

Regina smiled over at him. “Sorry, bud. We’re going inside.”

 Henry made a face, but then got out of the car with his mom. Regina lead him to the door, ringing the bell. The housekeeper ushered them in, taking their light jackets and leading them into the living room. Cora changed things throughout the house like a person changed their underwear. It had always bothered Regina, as she wished that she could have pieces that she could connect to memories. After she and Daniel split, they had divided possessions so not only Henry but they could have that.

 The house hadn’t always been quiet and cold. There had been a time when parties would be thrown weekly As children, Zelena and Regina would sneak down from their bedrooms when they were meant to be asleep. They’d grab different foods and go back on up to Zelena’s room, listening to the classical music and mild chatter from below. Often times, they’d dress up in their mother’s clothes over their nightgowns and mock the uppity.

 When they were teenagers and their parents left for long stretches of time, the girls would throw their own parties. They were never as dignified as their parents’, of course. Regina could remember desperately trying to get wine out of the carpet before Cora realized what had gone on.

 Once upon a time, Regina had been really happy in that house. Even after Henry Sr. died, she had Zelena to help get her through the dinners. Now, she had Henry, but he wasn’t old enough to quite understand Cora’s comments. Luckily, Cora never said anything negative about Daniel in front of him, and that was all Regina cared about.

 “You came,” Cora said, rising from her seat. “And you brought my grandson.”

“I tell you that I always will, unless he’s with his father,” Regina replied, kissing her mother’s cheek.

Cora gave her a look before hugging her grandson. “How is your schooling, Henry?”

“It’s good,” Henry replied. “We’re learning about World War II right now.”

 Luckily for Regina, that took up much of Cora’s attention. She was quite the history buff and gently quizzed Henry on all he was learning. Regina listened in, making sure her mother wasn’t being too hard. She tried not to be too protective when it came to Henry and her mother, but it was hard. Cora would never purposefully hurt her grandson, but it didn’t mean that she never had. Henry wasn’t the kind of kid to play sports, he preferred to read comic books and write his own stories. If you asked him what he wanted to be when he grew up, his dream was to be an author. That wasn’t practical in Cora’s mind and she had said it quite a few times. Luckily, Henry just brushed it off. Regina didn’t want him to have to do that, though.

  Family was supposed to be a safe space, or at least that’s how she had once felt around her father and sister. In Daniel’s family, everyone was so supportive. His mom still called Regina once every few months and she did some business with his brother William, who was always kind to her. The Colters were such a departure from Cora Mills, but Regina had long given up wishing her mother was any different. It was a waste of a wish.

 Eventually, the housekeeper stepped into announce that dinner was ready. Regina followed her mother and son into the dining room. Cora had selected some sort of fancy chicken for the main course, that even made the adventurous Regina’s stomach turn. Either way, she politely dug in. When the cook went around the table with a bottle of red, Regina gently turned him down, which caught Cora’s eye.

 “You can’t have just a glass?”

Regina bit her tongue. If she had told her mother once, she had told her a thousand times. “I don’t drink alcohol, Mother.”

“I just don’t understand the trend.” Cora took a sip of her own glass. “In our circle, we drink. I can’t imagine how insulting it is to your colleagues or business associates when you turn them down.”

 Regina resisted the urge to roll her eyes. It was true that in her line of work, she was offered alcohol at business dinners or when she went to the restaurants to check on things. Normally, no one made a big deal or was insulted. There were a few times she could see someone was offended that she didn’t want to try their personally selected house white, but Regina wasn’t going to risk sobriety for a client. If they couldn’t respect her, then they weren’t worth it. Cora didn’t like that, not one bit.

  Sometimes, Regina regretted going into the family business. Zelena had been smart, she hadn’t wanted to touch it with a ten foot pole. So, she got her degree in nutrition. Meanwhile, Regina and Daniel had both attended business school. While he took on a position at another corporation, Regina followed in her father’s footsteps until his death, when she then took over. She was still under her mother’s thumb, even if Cora didn’t show her face at the office. Regina liked to joke to her colleagues that her mother watched them all from an ivory tower, only coming down when it was convenient.

 Regina watched her mother slowly drink the wine, knowing that it wasn’t her only glass for the night. She had learned better than to classify others as an alcoholic before they were ready, but it wasn’t a secret to Regina that Cora had a problem. From what Regina had heard, it was all hereditary on her mother’s side. She had never known her maternal grandparents, but according to Henry Sr., his mother-in-law had died from psoriasis of the liver and his father-in-law was in a workplace accident due to alcohol consumption. Cora had always prided herself in being better, but she wasn’t, not really. Regina could recall the many nights where her mother would put away bottles of wine. The maids would bring out garbage bags from the master suite on a weekly basis. If Cora had to go a night without alcohol, Regina worried for her mental state.

 All of that said, Cora still refused to admit she had a problem. She was highly embarrassed from Regina doing so. Despite no one in their circle knowing that she went to A.A, Cora worried they would. She always worried what people would say, more than she would at the fact that her daughter was going through a traumatic event. When Cora caught wind of Daniel getting full custody of Henry, she worried more about how it’d make the company look, rather than Regina. Appearances were everything and Regina understood why, even if the rest of the world didn’t. Cora had spent her whole childhood, having no say of how she was perceived to the world. She was forced to wear ratty clothes and reek of the cigarettes her parents smoked in the house. Now that she was older and had money, she would do all she could to control how others saw her and her family.

 Even if it meant pushing Regina away in the process.

 “Well, luckily I don’t think Remy is offended that I turned it down,” Regina said, finally. She took a sip of her water. “Besides, we’re not here to discuss work. We leave that behind at the office, do we not?”

Cora eyed her daughter, but finally nodded. “Of course, dear. Whatever you say.” She turned her attention back to Henry. “So, Henry, tell me more about what you’re learning in school. Surely, it’s more than the war.”

 Just like that, they suddenly had nothing to discuss. It was sad, but a true part of their life. Outside work and Cora occasionally commenting on how Regina would be perceived to others, they didn’t have much of a relationship. It was sad to think that Cora got along better with Henry than her. It made Regina feel lonely in Cora’s home. She looked around the table, taking in where Henry Sr. and Zelena would’ve been sitting at this meal. Henry Sr. would’ve been quiet, not wanting to step on his wife’s toes, but Zelena would be nudging Regina and making some comment about their mother.

 It suddenly made the bottle of wine sitting at the center of the table look at all that more appealing. Regina cleared her throat and turned away from it, listening to Henry talk about his Science class. She’d call Mal when they were back at home, if it wasn’t too late. In the meantime, she kept repeating in her head of all the things she got to keep with her sobriety.

 Henry. He was the most important. She was not going to lose him again. Those two years had been hell, only getting him on weekends.

 Her job. This made sure that she could provide for Henry. She highly doubted Cora would fire her, but it was still important.

 Being on good terms with Daniel. She had fought hard for that.

 The pride that came with knowing that she was sober. She had worked like hell for the chips that she kept in the clay pot in her home office. It wouldn’t be worth it to throw all that away for a glass of wine.

 She had to drive home and she wasn’t going to make that same mistake twice. She thought of the person she had killed, just as she did every day. She couldn’t take another life like that.

 Robin.

 Regina suddenly did a double take. Why the hell did he come to mind? The two of them hadn’t even been on their first date. She barely knew him a couple of weeks. He shouldn’t be on the list of reasons for her to stay sober.

 Yet, there he was. She couldn’t have a future with him if she slipped. Even if she didn’t know what that would bring, she knew deep down that it wasn’t worth it.

 Regina kept her eyes off the bottle for the rest of the night, her mind floating back to everything she had to fight for. Even the person that she wasn’t aware she wanted to.

[oneweekoneband]

King’s X - Don’t Care (from Dogman 1994)

Mohawked and shirtless, dUg Pinnick strolls to the front of the Woodstock ‘94 stage, hunches gingerly over his microphone, and launches into his spiel before hundreds of thousands of people.

“I’d be in my room feeling so alone,” he sing-speaks in the cadence of an altar call, “wondering why my mother left and my daddy never came around… And my grandma… she called herself a Christian but she never said, ‘I love you.’ She said, ‘Nobody wants you, nobody needs you, nobody loves you.’ And I grew up so confused…”

This is dUg’s origin story, repeated countless times in interviews and live performances, usually (as at Woodstock) during the breakdown in their gospel song “Over My Head.” Abandoned by his parents as a small child, he grew up with his fundamentalist great grandma in Joliet, Illinois; he’s struggled with depression on and off since then. Besides that, he was gay, probably not the easiest way to live as a devout Baptist playing Christian music in the ‘70s and ‘80s. (Although, as Anthony Heilbut’s great essay “The Children and Their Secret Closet” reminds us, Doug was far from alone.) Jerry and Ty knew dUg’s secret early on and weren’t troubled, but they lost at least one bandmate because of it. An early manager had tried to send dUg to conversion camp. By 1993, dUg was tired of writing songs that acknowledged only the upside of faith.

“Finally when Dogman came out I just spewed it all out,” he said. “I was pissed at that point. Everybody was like: he’s not Christian any more.”

On a semi-related note, the band had also broken with Sam Taylor. Working with the demanding producer on Faith Hope Love and its follow-up, 1992’s King’s X, had been more hell than heaven. Ty says Taylor would make the band try out umpteen different versions of their musical ideas, over and over again, before often deciding to replicate their original demo arrangements. For his part, Taylor has apologetically claimed he wasn’t giving King’s X enough attention. Either way, for Dogman the band hired producer Brendan O’Brien because they admired his work with Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots, and, you’d hope, Jackyl.

Back in Missouri, I loved Pearl Jam. I’d also recently discovered how to work “Plush” into my cocktail piano sets at the local fancy restaurant, and for whatever reason, St. Louisans have always considered Jackyl a going concern. (I mean, they’re no Sammy Hagar, but they are “rock ‘n’ roll music for rock ‘n’ roll people.”) But when Dogman dropped in January of ‘94, I was still disappointed. It was the first King’s X album that didn’t open with a song about a revelation. Rather than creating a musical world of beautiful variety, divine references, and liner note in-jokes, Dogman belonged to the grubby real world. It was relentlessly heavy, both in sound and sentiment. Sort of like Neil Young’s “Piece of Crap,” released the same year, the title track and “Complain” simply listed humdrum modern frustrations. “Give me some powder to spray up in the air.” “Mr. Rush Limbaugh, givin’ me the facts.” CFCs and Rush Limbaugh did NOT belong in King’s X World.

Worse, the band seemed not to care about faith anymore. My first clue? They recorded a song called “Don’t Care.” In my world-weary high school way, I thought this attitude was terribly cliched. King’s X was jumping on the apathetic grunge-angst bandwagon, and while I expected that from the poor saps who lived under Seattle cloud cover, it didn’t work for King’s X. I didn’t want to know about their real lives and problems. I wanted them to keep conjuring.

Then I had my own revelation: I didn’t care either.

As often happens, my quiet revelation took ahold in Minnesota. I didn’t tell anyone, because in Minnesota you don’t talk about revelations. I was away at Lutheran Summer Music Camp, a three-week working vacation where I’d befriended two trumpet players, cheerfully amoral George and hyper-intelligent Christoph. The evening of Independence Day (talk about cliches) we were returning to camp from the Cities, where we’d wandered in and out of coffee shops and watched a fireworks display. Boarding the bus, apropos of nothing I could tell, I suddenly realized I didn’t care about a bunch of things that had always felt vitally important. I couldn’t have said exactly which things; but if, for instance, an evangelical Minnesotan had asked at that moment whether god existed or where I’d go if I died that day, I couldn’t have answered one way or another. Such questions were so silly, so incommensurate with ineffable reality, that answering them would have been a sham.

Since my 8th-grade dawning of consciousness, I’d lived with the fretful buzz of morality in my ear. On the bus I realized I didn’t care about any of it. I suspected god didn’t care either. This was a revelation of grace -- my burdens lifted, my shoulders relaxed -- but it was grace that demanded nothing of me. I knew Lutherans and evangelicals who would have called this a satanic revelation, and I’d have been hard-pressed to disagree with them. But there was a happy corollary to all this not caring: those people had no authority over me.

None of this affected my opinion of Dogman, or my suspicion that King’s X’s best work was behind them. (Although eventually it grew into my third favorite album of theirs. Maybe fourth, after Ogre Tones.) Nor am I certain I could pinpoint ways this revelation directly affected the rest of my life. In a sense, it gave my life a sound.

It’s like this: King’s X’s 2001 album Manic Moonlight is terrible in almost every way. (“Cover art by Ty Tabor” -- for god’s sake, Ty, don’t admit that!) But its sound -- the combination of these three men’s voices and instruments, impossible to replicate -- resonates with me in a way that feels physical, tangible. No doubt this is because I first heard that sound at an impressionable age and then listened over and over again. That doesn’t change the reality of the resonance.

I haven’t always lived the truth of that Minnesota bus revelation. Frankly, I’ve cared about a lot of stupid shit since then, much of it having to do with god. I’ve also discovered that caring is sometimes the right way to go. But I’m pretty sure at its best, life resonates with the hum of that revelation, with grace so extravagant and licentious it could be mistaken for the work of satan.

I know, I know, I know I’m not crazy.

[silviasutton1989]

Family (DrakeXMC)

Authors Note: Ok so I really do plan to do more stories other than Drake and Riley but this just popped into my head and I had to get it out. I really hope you like it!

Summary: Riley misses the train for the Royal Engagement Tour, she is helped by Drake who has to make a stop before meeting the train.

Rating: PG

Word count: 1900

“So how does one miss a train they were already on exactly?” Drake chuckles while he speaks keeping his eyes focused on the road as he drives. He doesn't have to look at Riley to see the frustrated and embarrassed energy running through her.

Riley stared out of the passenger side window. She runs her fingers through her short curly hair, something she tends to do when she is on nerve. It had been a few days since the last time she and Drake were alone together, since the pool. She never would have imagine, much less wanted, her next encounter with him to be a frantic call outside of the train station because she had to run back to the limo and get her phone, missing the train entirely.

“Look I went to go get my phone the train left me I called Maxwell he told me to call you. Bing Bang Boom now here we are in your truck to meet the train in Italy.” She lets out an exasperated sigh.

“I’m sorry I think I detected some attitude in that tone? I would think if someone saved a young lady from hitch hiking her way over a hundred miles through Europe, she would be far more grateful than what I’m hearing now.” Drakes tone is sarcastic he just couldn’t help but to get Riley wound up, it was cute and funny all at the same time.

Riley turns to him and begins to put on her most sardonic show. “Oh thank you great and powerful  Drake Walker. Oh savor of my soul King of my Destiny Ruler of my travels!  I’m forever in your debt. But please… please take these words, although I know I am not worthy, to know that I am abundantly grateful!" She thrusts her hands to her heart dramatically and once her and Drake’s eyes meet she rolls her eyes and returns to look out the window. “See that’s all I’m asking for… a little gratitude” he says smiling ear to ear. “I do have to tell you something though” he straightens in his set and clears his throat. “We aren’t going straight to Italy. The reason I wasn’t on the train is because I planned to visit my mother for a while.”

Riley makes a small chuckle. “So I get to meet the woman who is responsible for bringing the King of brooding  into this word. Ha this will be a good day after all.” Drake scoffs at her comment and in no time he pulls into a small cottage.

He cuts off the engine but doesn’t move. His tone is more serious now. “Look Sutton my mom… she didn’t take my dad’s death very well.” He rubs the back of his neck as he looks out the window at the tiny house. “My parents they both worked really hard to make a name for our family. All my life I would hear how important it was to have a title.” Riley watches as his voice lowers, his eyes seem misty as he watches his childhood home. “When my dad died she was devastated. She got better when Savannah started the social season… but then she just ran off and…” Riley reaches out and grabs his hand. “You don’t have to explain anything to me. One day I will tell you about my family . Come one lets go.”

As soon as they reach the door to the house it swings open. In the doorway stood a fair skinned woman. Her salt and pepper hair was unsettled in a bun on her head. Her brown eyes looked weary but inviting. Riley could immediately see the resemblance between her and Drake by those eyes alone.

Although she was covered in several pearls and necklaces with gaudy earrings dangling from her ears, her dress was disheveled and wrinkly. It did however look as if it once was very expensive. Riley reaches out her hand. “Hello Mrs. Walker Im-“ “Oh dear I know exactly who you are Lady Riley. I know all about you.”  Ms. Walker grabs her outstretched hand fervently, the countless rings dug into Riley’s hand as she is pulled into the house. 

“Well Hello to you too mom.” Drake closes the door behind him. “You two are just in time I have some tea ready.” She leads Riley from the hallway that is covered in pictures, to a cluttered living room. Riley looks around the room as Mrs. Walker continues her own conversation while pouring her a cup of tea. “All those other girls they have money and titles before they were even born. But you..ha you could have earned yours dear. I was rooting for you to win." “You know mom it’s not really a competition.” Drake tries to interject, his mother gives him a look. “Snooky dear why don’t you go check on the roast.” Riley caught her tea back into her cup, “Snooky?” Drake gives her a hard look “Sutton.” "Ok Ok...So Mrs. Walker --" "Call me Prudie dear." "Um Prudie I see from the pictures that you have been to a lot of royal functions." She points to the walls picture frames and newspaper articles seemed to be used as wallpaper in this house. The frames all held members of the Walker family. Savannah in a beautiful gown at the Beaumont mansion, Drake playing football with Liam. None of the pictures were of just the family every one of them had a royal in it. "Have you been to any recently?" Riley could hear something bang in the kitchen near by, somehow that sound told her she asked the wrong question. Pruide's smile faded, her face grew blank, but her eyes were ironically wide as if she was excited for the question, as if she was no longer in her living room. She stood up from her seat and walked over to the wall of frames. 

"Yes we we almost there you know? Of course you know. We were this close." She picks up a picture of her and Queen Regina as proof. In the picture Regina looks irritated as Prudie's smile is wild her eyes are just as wide as they are right now. "Niles worked so hard for this family. Did you know he gave his life to protect the crown? Maybe had he not have died we could have been THE Walkers. You know?" Prudie lightly touches a frame with a picture of Drake's father wearing his military uniform. He is standing with King Constantine shaking hands. "Yeah you know I know you out of anybody else understands!" She turns to Riley letting go of the picture frame of her late husband, causing it to tilt crooked on the wall. She sits next to Riley. "I can't go back ... not yet...Im not ready." She latently tries to straighten the wrinkles in her dress while still looking at Riley.

"But you can! You can still become something. And when Liam gives Drake a title I can finally---" "Mom!"  Drake stands in the door frame of the living room his lips are pressed tightly, but looking at her he takes a deep sigh and his face grows softer. "Mom the roast is ready." Prudie quickly composes herself, a if she has spoken all these words before. She stands and smiles. "Let's eat."

They spend dinner discussing Drake's childhood. Other than Drake constantly saying "Mom no don't tell her that one!" laughter and the sound of utensils hitting plates fill the house. It wasn't long before Prudie insists that the two wait till morning to leave for Italy. She offers Savannah's room and clothes to Riley.

A light knock on Drake's door awakens him. He opens the door to see Riley in clothes far to small for her curves. He tried to push the sight of the print of her nipples through the shirt as she walks in. "Can we talk I couldn't sleep." Drake doesn't answer instead he sits on his small twin size bed, his back against the wall as his feet stick out over the side.He has always loved this spot as a kid, it allows him to look out his window at the stars. "So that was your mom huh?" Riley says as she plops next to him mirroring the way he sits. "Yeah that's her." "Honetly she isn't that bad." Drake gives Riley a questioning look. "Really Sutton? What is your family like?" "I don't have much of one really." Riley states she looks out the window nothing can be seen but darkness and a few stars.

"I lived with my grandmother my whole life. My mom...she had a drug problem." Drake tries not  to look at her but he sees that she has pulled her knees up to her chin. "I can remember coming home from school and hearing the shower running. I knew it was my mother. She always would come home after weeks or maybe even months away to..." Riley couldn't think of the right words as to why her mother would come home. "To clean up?" To steal her bike again?" To eat their food?" she decided to dismiss that sentence entirely.

"She never stayed longer than a few days. I used to tell my friends she was an archaeologist, exploring Egypt." A snarky laugh leaves her. " I use to believe that too." She breathes in a deep breath. "But my grandma was my best friend. We could sit at home all day and watch Golden Girls, Little House on the Prairie, Monk was her favorite though." "When I was around 14 my mom stopped coming over completely I don't know what happened. Then a few weeks after graduating high school my grandma died." The quietness in the room is evident. Riley clears her throat before speaking again.

"As far as family goes that's it. That's all I had." She says the words matter of factly but Drake of all people knew the hurt behind it. He wrapped his closet arm around her shoulders pulling her into his side. "You know your the only person here that know this about me, Drake." "Not even--" "No, he never asked." They finally look at each other. Both with wet eyes and checks. Drake pulls her in even tighter. Riley places her head on his chest. They stay this way, looking out at the night sky until Riley falls asleep in his arms.  Drake lays them both down in his small bed. He pulls the blanket at his feet over them. He locks his arms around her partially to make sure she doesn't fall on the floor, partially to protect her. As sleep begins to fall over him he breathe in the scent of her he feels her body slowly moving up and down with her breathes. He closes his eyes to hear her words. "As family goes that's it...that's all I had." "You have me." He whispers as he trails off to sleep.

[skittles1229]

THE EVER-CHANGING STORY OF LUNARIS

*SOME OF THESE CHARACTERS AND PLACES ECT. DO NOT BELONG TO ME, THEY WERE MADE BY LUNARIS GAMES FOR THE INTERACTIVE VISUAL NOVEL "WHEN THE NIGHT COMES" AVAILABLE EITHER FROM THIER WEBSITE OR ON ITCH. THE COVER IS ALSO FROM LUNARIS GAMES (ITS THIER PIN SET FOR SALE ON THIER SITE)

https://www.wtncgame.com/collections/pins-charms/products/wtnc-holo-sparkle-charms

This is a project I started to maintain my boredom so ill be using the characters from a really great visual novel called when the night comes written by lunaris. Go check it out! ill be writing about all the characters including you being the x reader. After I've introduced the plot and characters and if i have enough readers, I'll let you guys pick who I right the first romance ending with, the endings will probably have a bit of smut so if your just wanting to know the story you don't have to read the romantic endings

___________________________________

Chapter One: Unwelcome start

        My feet are killing me and its hot and dark, I'm walking through unfamiliar woods. All I can smell is tree leaves decaying and pine. To fill you in without telling you my life story and having a pity party, I'm one of the few shifting Dire Wolves left. We are a dying breed since people and monsters were coexisting now, I'm over joyed about the mixing of the populations but as the wolves breed with humans our ability to shift is slowing leaving as the generations grow. I on the other hand wasn't liked by much of anyone. I grew up around old town human folk. Both parents had been killed by townsfolk and luckily the little who girl found me as a puppy was nice enough to bring me to her home. That little girl became my life. Her blonde hair reminded me of wheat in the fall and she smelled of old moth balls and freshly cooked bacon. Kasey was a lonely child born a bastard and then left alone when her mom left into town one day. She didn't come home that night. She had the kindest eyes. They say eyes are the window to the soul and hers was broken and glued back together so many times that you couldn't recognize her original beauty. She brought me to a little cabin back in the woods where I stayed with her and her grandmother.  I stayed out of school because at the time freaks weren't exactly normal. I learned everything through Kasey and her homework as I grew up. We played in the old field through the woods and down an old forgotten gravel road. She would always tease me about my ears but she loved my big bushy tail. Kasey was a pure soul and sometimes id have to remind her how special she was especially during the times to come. She became ill in late fall, losing her ability to walk and becoming more and more pale from the lack of sunlight. We were told she had an immune issue that couldn't be fix with the medicine we had then and magic was a cure but was also out of the question since anyone who was seen as a witch was seen as a harm to the community and burned at the stake. It wasn't that way in the big towns with lots of people coming and going bustling about, but down here in the boon dock of the forgotten swamp everyone had the same opinion. anything new and different was and and therefore had to be destroyed.

         When I was around six Kasey succumb to her unfortunate circumstances in her sleep and she took her welcome with her. I think that maybe it was one of the few mercies I've ever seen god do for someone. After she died the grandmother, already being on her last years, passed not long after that. With nothing holding me to that little shack in the woods I moved on. I was never given a name and so along the way I've figured out who and what I am. Remind me to tell you that one later on, I've been walking for a few days with my satchel made from rabbit fur with old shoe laces holding it together, Kasey in her better days stayed bored in her old pink bedroom reading the same book she had on the old bookcase in the living room. Her grandmother went to the market in town most days to sell her vegetables. she would bring us home sweets and toys. For Kasey's birthday she bought her a bag of fabric rabbit fur and some thread and needles to teach her to sew hoping that would cure her boredom. A few months before she passed, she hurriedly finished off the synch bag with one of her shoelaces from her boots. That bag is the one I have with me now. My clothes and few days worth of food is in it as well. I had been shifted into my wolf form going on 48 hours now and my (F/C favorite color ) fur was now stained with mud and leaves from the nights sleep in a dug out hole. The last sign of civilization was back in my home town. it was now night time again and had seen no sign of a town any where close. It was getting dark and my joints were burning from the pain of walking. I quickly found a soft spot in the ground digging up a little hole to lay in for the night. The woods around me creaked with shifting wood and wind rustling the foliage. Harry had become the governor a while back suddenly disappeared recently in his home base in Lunaris. That's where Kasey's grandmother went for hours everyday to be a part of the market so I decided to see if there was anywhere I could stay and maybe get a job and start a life for myself. All this time I had no real name, Kasey never named me. She wanted me to be able to choose it for myself and I'm now 20 in human years. Our bodies aged in human instead of dog years another kind of pro with the watering down of the generations. I had gone through all of Kasey's family and school friends, even people she heard the name of by passing by in church, I'd heard all the names and thought about them and said them all out loud the see how they role off the tongue and I finally settled on (Y/N) tonight. 

      I had fallen asleep at some point and shifted back into human form curling around my bag to protect it from the outside. Suddenly the ground around me started to shake and the foliage covering the entrance to the den started to shake loose and fall in. At this point I'm wide awake and have my back to the wall and head in a snarl towards the entrance not knowing why or what had shaken the ground so harshly. I smell a fowl smell that reeks of something I've never smelled before. It began to burn my nose like alcohol or whatever grandma had in the wash rooms for spring cleaning. I heard twigs breaking and a long groan that howled with the wind. My heart was racing not knowing what to expect to come through the entrance and that's when I saw the light from the moon blocked by a large shadow. I braced for a fight when suddenly it let out a yelp of pain as I see two or three other shadows chase it to the right of the hole. Lots of yelling from men and women can be heard along with lots of new smells. All of them had hints of sweat and fear but some of them were odd. One was carried in on a breath of lavender and honey and the other of burnt wood like a fire place. One also smelled like chocolate and for a split second I smelled the familiar canine sent, Another wolf or maybe a half breed Lykan. I laid there and listened as the group seemed to quickly dominate whatever that creature was and if there's a group of hunters then there has to be a town. I wait for the noise to die out before I stick my head out of the hole to check my area. I look at the position of the moon and start to get a better idea of how long I was asleep. I think it must have been at least 3 in the morning. I grabbed my bag and pulled myself out of the hole, shaking off loose dirt and changing myself back into that big furry wolf I've become used to and walk towards where I heard the commotion to catch the scent of where they had gone. The creature they fought was dead on the ground covered in its black oozing blood. It looked like a genetic mutation of some kind gone very wrong and the smell almost could knock you out, if your a dog that is. I heard a snap of a twig in the distance and that's when I caught the scent of a dying summer, decaying flowers and dying memories. 

      I see a blue glow coming from an object a few feet in front of me hidden in the darkness of the trees, whatever it was it made it very clear that I was unwelcome and that I was seen as a threat. I bent neck down feeling the hair along my spine start to stand on end as I snarled my teeth in the direction of the ominous blue glow. Suddenly the tense feeling in the air dropped, you could feel the tension melt away and in that second the strange creature pushes forward into the moonlight. A man with golden eyes and a mechanical arm moves forward looking with his hands raised. "My names Finnegan and I know you wont hurt me because your not just any wolf am I right?" The sudden question brushes me as weird and out of place but regardless it only makes me all the more persistent that he not come any closer. He stops in his tracks and sits in the tall grass he had been previously standing in. We sat there like that for what seems like forever and he seemed to feel talkative because he asked question after question. I looked around to think of what direction I wanted to go in order to get away from here .

     "You know it would be easier to go to Lunaris." he said picking at something under his nails. I look at him tilting my head, can he hear my thoughts? I didn't think humans could do such things but he didn't look like a human. Not with the fangs like that and those pointed ears. "No I'm not human I'm a vampire, I live in Lunaris with my friends. I actually have a Lykan friend as well so you wont be alone." I bent my ears back in annoyance, tired of the vamp imposing on my thoughts. I decided I would speak with him but not in this form. As a Lykan I could still stay able to protect myself and be able to speak to this other freak of nature in front of me. In order to do so I'd have to get away from this vampire long enough to cover myself. Almost instantly the vamp got up causing me to jump. "There's a graveyard a little ways from here, you can shift and change in the maintenance shed. As I'm sure you heard earlier there are some odd creatures in these woods so ill walk you to town myself. Then I can take you to Ezra and have him give you a once over." he began to walk and turned around about five feet away to ask if I was going to follow, I decide that this town might be a start to a weird series of events. We made our way through the woods to a small path of cleared trees and some sand, we followed that to the graveyard behind a large church like building and that's when I saw the small shed. "I'll stand behind the shed towards the woods I'm sure nobody is awake so you shouldn't have to worry about townsfolk." I shifted back into my Lykan form and hurry into the shed. My (hair length) (H/Color) hair fell over my face as I shoved myself into my tight jeans and put my long sleeve white shirt on. my ears still sat on the top of my head and my tail is swishing back and forth in anticipation of how this town was going to accept a new comer and a freak at that. I threw on the hoodie I had found hanging on a tree on my way out of my old town, probably left by one of the boys in the old town. I smoothed my fur down and walked out of the shed with my bag in my hands, I peaked my head around the corner and caught the golden eyes of the man called Finnegan as he's leaned against the shack with his arms crossed. 

      I walk up to him with my arm wrapped around my bag and offered him the other. "My names (y/n), sorry about the weird introduction but I really just have no clue where I am or where I'm going." he grinned and studied me before opening up and talking again. "You cleanup really well don't you (y/n)." I simply lowered my head as a response and shrugged my shoulders. " It would suck to have to stay as wolf all the time because I'm just to ugly to look at as a Lykan." he laughs flashing his fangs and approaching me and taking my hand pulling me closer to him to where we were inches apart. "Ugly is one thing you aren't, if your this pretty as a Lykan then I cant wait to see you in human form" he then snuck his arm around my waist turning me around as he began to walk to the town. "How did you know I could do that?" I stopped him and I could see his grin form as he turned around to meet my eyes. "I've been alive a long time (y/n).  when the old man who sired me was alive he'd tell us stories of the dire wolves that lived in the forest in the mountains. He would tell us stories of how they had almost repopulated in a town not far from here, completely unannounced to the world growing among the town folk." he looked away suddenly his essence changed from one of wisdom and confidence to one of remorse and sadness. He began to walk once again motioning for me to follow. "That is until the townsfolk caught wind  of such rumors. He banded together the higher ups and went through exposing half the town to be," he grimaces as if saying the name leaves a sour taste in his mouth, "werewolves as the humans put it."  We had just made it through a small alley leading too a large stone road. This is the first time I've heard the real story aloud of what happened to my parents that day. Suddenly I  didn't feel much like talking anymore and the vampire noticed this as we made it to the closed up and dark market side of town. Large tents and shacks were on both sides of the road, I'm sure it looks much nicer when its open and bustling with people. "I'll have to show it to you." he says suddenly again answering my thoughts as if id said them aloud. "You know Finn I love your interest in me but I think its kind of of rude to read others thoughts right?" His eyes suddenly dart away and clears his throat, "Not if the person has particularly loud thoughts but I do see what you mean. Nasty habit it is, been aiming to fix that." We both laugh for a bit and then he heads for a door on the right side of the road raising his metal arm to touch the door. When his hand makes contact, Finn says a few words in another language and his arm burst to  life flowing with blue lights. The door makes a noise and a shield seams to lower into Finn's hand as he opens the door. He pulls me in and I'm immediately overwhelmed at the smells around me, some fragrant like perfumes and others dirty like burning wood. He had shelves of boxes and books, homemade spells and food with jars of candy lining the shelves.

     Finn puts the wards back up and leads me to the kitchen where he sits me down at the wooden table across from the couch and the wall covered in art work, "Wait here while I run upstairs and get the witch you just relax and think if anything hurts or needs to be looked at." with Finns vampy speed skills he vanishes up the stairs to get this so called witch, I certainly do hope I don't meet the same fate as my parents once did in this town years ago. I here rustling and movement up the stairs as a dark skinned man comes running to me with worried eyes and open arms. he cups my face in his hands and scans me over for any sign of blood or wounds. "Finnegan she looks alright, you made her out to be as if she'd been attacked." He looks back at Finn letting go of my face in order to hit him in the head just enough to scuffle his hair. He then turns around to me and straightens up his robe and his curly mop of hair, I hold out my hand to introduce myself and he grabs it with both hands pulling me in with a smile. "I'm Ezra and this my little spells and Knick knack shop." he has a strange contagious happiness that causes my worries and doubts to slip away. He rubs his hand through my hair making his way to my ears checking for ticks and mites since my ears are much different  from human ears. "Are you ok," He says we a worry filled smile and motions me to sit down, I obey as my feet have become numb after so many days of walking. He reaches into his shelves and pulls  out a kettle and a metal box of herbs and tea bags for homemade blends. "Go on love what happen? Why are you out in the woods at this hour?" I yawned in response of all their questions and simply said, "No disrespect Ezra but I'm exhausted and my feet are throbbing, I think the walking has caught up to me." He nods knowing what I mean. Ezra hands me a cup of tea and some cookies from a jar up in the cabinet. "Right I'm sorry. Let me help Finn out and I'll come back and run you a bath with herbs and salts to get you well rested and ready for tomorrow." He and Finn stepped to a hatch underneath the rug in Ezra's common quarters.  I took a few cookies sneaking them into my bag so that I can eat them later as well, they were ( favorite kind ) cookies and i couldn't resist the temptation to stuff my face. 

        Finn calls my name waving as he disappears into the hole and Ezra closes it back up and covers it again. "Alright now to get you all set, come with me up stairs." I follow behind slowly hating every step up those stairs but it was well worth it when I made it. He had a big circle tub surrounded in stone, it looked to be able to fit two people and the water come up pretty high. The twinkling lights hanging from the ceiling were different shades of blue purple and pink with a magical blue flamed candle hanging on the wall in a glass case. The tub was filled with steaming water and flower petals, the room smelled of pine and mint with citrus chopped up into slices and dropped into the water. Bubbles had covered the top of the water like snow and smelled like lavender and honey. His bathroom was pure happiness and love expressed in his home. "Now this bath should help your muscles not be sore in the morning and it should help you fall asleep tonight, I hate to ask but should I check you for ticks or scratch's anywhere on you?" I shrugged as my body was still covered in fur and it could be hiding anything but I was so self conscious about my body that I wouldn't dare ask for his help with this task. I point my head down and hugged myself as if to comfort myself. Ezra looked at me with kind eyes and hands me a towel, "Its ok if you aren't comfortable with it, just promise me you'll come and let me take any off for you. They carry lime disease and other things that can harm you!" as he goes to grab the handle to leave I grab his arm. I muster up all the courage I can and whispered, "Can you stay and help me Ezra?" He smiles and blushes slightly, wrapping me in a hug, "of course!" He closes the door and stays turned around as I take my clothes that I have on now off and grab the robe from the wall and cover myself. "Alright your ok to look now." I say in a small voice. "Alright I'm gonna start with your legs and work my way up and after your done you can use my cats flea shampoo to make sure everything is clean and gone. I nod my head agreeing and let him begin, he rubs his soft hands over my paw pads massaging as he goes looking for any bumps or imperfections. He comes across a tick that had made itself at home on my inner thigh , he poked and prodded at it for a few minutes but it was resistant to all his attempts. "You know fur is great but I just don't think I could do a full body of it." He laughs and I return his joke with a giggle of my own. "Would it be easier if there was no fur?" I ask searching his face for his reaction.  At first he looks confused and he seemed to be racking his brain for what I could be saying. "Well I'm certainly not going to shave you if that's what your asking." he smiles and we both laugh. I trusted Ezra I didn't sense any type of misjudgment or threat coming from this simple witch. 

     I began to shift into my human form and my leg grew smaller in his hand and the once thick course fur is now bare soft human skin. The robe that was a perfect fit before, is now hanging down off my shoulders. It draped around me like a sheet and Ezra had stayed quiet so far, only staring wide eyed and enchanted at the sight. My hair falls in front of my face as I smile at him, "Is that any better?" He's still not said a word so far, just staring at my face and rubbing my legs searching for the fur that was no longer there. "Now how did you do that? spell? hallucinations? Are you even a wolf?" He seems stunned and unsure of what to say, he did however have lots of questions some of which I could answer and others was searching for myself. We talked while taking the ticks that had made themselves at home on me off finally, burning them as he went. his hands glided over me like soap and his hands felt like heaven against my skin.  "I'm honestly stunned I didn't think of it before you told me, I remember in school they use to mention small things about dire wolves but they never dove into that chapter which I guess was because you guys were believed to have died out long ago. but behold!" he places some bubbles on my he'd and smiles so wide that his eyes look squinty. "your here1 So obviously the world didn't lose all of its beautiful one of a kind dire wolves." What a sweet happy minded guy, he seemed to only be able to see the silver lining and if he could see the other side of things then he hides his emotions very well. It didn't take much for the mud and dirt that was previously there to fall away into the soapy water. Ezra had gone to make himself a cup of tea and was waiting in his room for when I was done. My hair had been shampooed and I washed my body with the bar of soap sitting on the side of the tub. It was green and purple but see through, there was a small flower in the middle and there seemed to be small beads in the soap that came out as you washed. It smelled like roses and vanilla, the smell reminded me of Ezra. Soon I got out and dried myself off with the lavender towel Ezra had left behind, throwing the robe on and heading to where Ezra had said his room was. He had laid out a large t-shirt and a pair of women's shorts? I hadn't seen a women in here before and no-one had said anything about a wife or girlfriend ... maybe they were a friend of his, at least that's what I'm hoping. As soon as my head hit the soft feather pillow I drifted off into a deep sleep, filled with dreams of of cookies, flowers, and Ezra? oh, Finnigan as well. Seems I simply cant escape the happenings of tonight or the past. My memories slowly drift back to that little blonde haired girl I had loved once before.

(A/N) The picture at the top is of the characters mentioned in this story from from the game when the night comes. if you haven't read it You should definitely take a look before you dive into this so that you can fall in love with the characters before reading other peoples interpretations of their personalities. I personally feel like I couldn't dream of reaching the level of dedication that the creator of the game had for their characters. I have a second chapter out on my wattpad.

https://my.w.tt/FNUbZCj8mbb

[himynameisgrapes]

Barbecue.

It was my party and I could sneak off to pout if I want too. I was going to write my life story and I cannot without the paranoia of someone biting off the shit I produce just cause I’m so open about it. Social media has always been a place I’ve used as a comfortable ventalation. I was always making dumb decisions with the interweb. Signing up for magazines cause I craved them. I couldn’t stop and I didn’t just take to take. I dreamed of paying for them.. it was such a pain in the ass. Nothing like today with a press of the thumb or a click of the mouse. Who even uses those?! I’m now thinking of my first labtop and I had a pink attachable mouse. So yeah I still use those and now the comment about them makes me look ignorantly arrogant. A pompous ass even... I laugh in a catapult symphony and you can’t help but join in. What are we even?! Our own personal Jesus.. what would you do? Me oh almost everything and none of it in negativity or against our will. I’m the screwball trying to make sense of my useless direction. Still, I can’t settle for just a give it up, Jacquelyn. I can’t settle for a no. Why am I this persistent and I follow blindly because I’m wrapped up in you. My faults have been judged over and over. I can hear and I have and still see. My actions roll onto the poo poo platter neighboring me. Manure to grow flowers? I don’t know, I’m exhausted from pushing so hard. I’m gonna fail somehow and even if you made me. I won’t look for you or feel dumb when you hint your scent spat at me. I’m too happy and grateful. I wanna cry but I’m disabled. Don’t scream, my step father told me. He was bringing in his pet pit bull into our apartment. I didn’t and I was frightened. You bit me and I don’t remember. I grew fond of him and because of my mother marrying my step father.. he had to stay at my step fathers home. He shortly died of eating a poisonous plant thus going blind. After that he never trained again. By then I was noticing my step father be stripped of who he was. He griped about his DVD’s and he didn’t say thing about baseball. That’s who he was, an college student who played baseball. He was also very nice but mean and as a smooth criminal. By the time I realized what ugly was shown to me. Pushing my elbows off the table. Today I would’ve screamed; you fat pig! How dare you touch me!!!! I love this man by the way... I don’t know why but his mother, grandma dc was a perfect reason. My daughter Zoe has this lively happiness and I used to tinker with the idea of her ‘coming back to me’.. before delivery I had forgotten you not. I was this intuitive, I can hear what your saying or thinking. What! No! It’s schizophrenia. I’m well planted and firmly dug in my roots. The earths center trims my flesh. I cannot get any higher and going down, means it’s done after. My flag is not seen because I’m no longer a second, third, nor fourth grader. I rehash the story where an eagle was shot during all this. 2014 and my brittle mind screamed, remember me. I hallucinated obviously because a clear, crab like, spider. Sporting red and blue. I was laying down staring into the sky and listening to my mind go. I couldn’t... I could never. Later a spider while sleeping in another spotting out towards me. Flailing whilst tippy taying at me. Another bug with a iridescent bluish red came out to successfully attack. Wow! I’m back to sticking to crazy like a warm straight jacket. Still, I’m too realistic. Fly to shit honesty. My life lessons pour in and I can exert this manually. I have to relax and I only really know a good two handfuls. It’s magnificently scary. I’m innocent and I wanna turn myself inwards. Your view of me is too powerful and I’m too pure. What a place to land on. I don’t know everything because I don’t own the world. Nor do I want to. I want your spare change after you and yours. Im sure it will be easy as 123 by then. Christmas will be here and I’m thinkingDr. Seuss. Hm, what a beautiful lastname. I wanna break down and cry. Ew, now its gone. I’m a perfect circle gone. Somehow, it will go my way and yours too. I pray.

[girlobsessedwithtv]

My Last PLL theory....ever

I won’t stop posting PLL or sharing my thoughts, but this will be my last every PLL theory, and it’s gonna be long so bare with me.

PLL Explained:

Lets start from the beginning. Well as far back as we can. It was 1980 something, Mary  hadn’t been out of Radley long but she was finally ready to get back to a normal life and go to college. She meets Ted, he’s sweet and just the kind of good guy a “bad girl” like Mary needed. They date. She gets pregnant. The first person she decided to tell was her sister Jessica, she had hoped this would bring them together as she wanted her sister to be a part of her child’s life. But we know Jessica she was born jealous. She makes up a lie to get Mary sent back to Radley. Mary wasn’t able to tell Ted she was pregnant. And now she was doomed to have her child in Radley. Jessica and her jealously of Mary getting pregnant first is what led to her affair with Peter Hastings. Ken was always away for work, making getting pregnant hard, but if she timed things right Peter could get the job done. And that is just what happened. Mary had Charles first he was taken by the state. About 6 months later Jessica delivered a boy too, Jason. She goes to visit her sister to rub it in her face only to learn that Mary’s baby was given to the state. Jessica, wanting everything of Mary’s decides to get custody of Charles making him her and Ken’s child. Once Jessica got custody of Charles the DiLaurentis moved far away from Mary and Peter to Georgia. The DiLaurentis family lived in Georgia happily for years, Even Mary was able to get her act together and was released from Radley. Jessica become pregnant again, this time with twin girls. Around this same time Mary pretends to be Jessica in Rosewood and meets up with Peter (who she knew was Jason’s father) and they have a moment. Mary ends up pregnant with Spencer. Jessica gives birth to two little girls in Georgia. Mary learns about this. She goes to Georgia to find Jessica, that’s when she realizes that Jessica has Charles. Mary is upset. She feels that Jessica stole Charles from her and decided to take one of Jessica’s babies for revenge. Jessica knows it was Mary who kidnapped her baby and she turns Mary in. Mary is sent back to Radley (very pregnant) but the baby was never found. Jessica and Ken decide to move back to Rosewood because they were “the people who lost a child” to all their neighbors in Georgia. So the DiLaurentis’ move back to Rosewood. Jessica tells Peter and Veronica what Mary did to Peter. Mary gives birth to Spencer in Radley and Peter and Veronica raise her.  Jessica and Peter even got all the kids together once so they could meet their siblings (the Campbell apple farm - the baby the boys met wasn’t Alison, it was Spencer) A few months later the bathtub incident happens, and Jessica and Ken (worried that Charles is more like his mother than they believed) send Charles away to Radley. All is well for a few years then one day while visiting Charles, Jessica meets Bethany and her father. Bethany is about the same age as Alison and reminds Jessica of her with her blonde hair and pretty eyes. Jessica starts to wonder if Bethany could be her long lost child. She starts to buy Bethany gifts (the yellow dress, a horse, etc) and show her a little extra attention when she visited Charles. One summer Charles was able to go to a summer camp and Jessica spent a lot of time with Bethany getting to know her and even developed feelings for Bethany’s dad. But Bethany did not like this. She felt her dad was cheating on her mom with Jessica and it made her angry. This went on for a few more years. Then one day Bethany comes up with a plan to get rid of Jessica for good. She sees who she believes to be Jessica standing on the roof, without a second thought she pushes her over the ledge. Only it wasn’t Jessica it was Marion. Distraught at what she had done she blames it on Charles. But of course here comes Jessica to cover it all up. And before Bethany knew it, Charles was gone. He had died. The next time Bethany see’s Charles, he is now Charlotte. But Charlotte doesn’t introduce herself to Bethany as Charlotte, she introduces herself as Alison DiLaurentis, Jessica’s daughter. Charlotte tells Bethany how much she hates Jessica and how she would love to get her out of her life. Bethany believed every word, until that day when Radley called Jessica to come get her daughter Alison, Jessica shows up and it’s Charlotte dressed head to toe in Alison’s clothes. Bethany overheard Jessica telling Radley that this wasn’t Alison, but Jessica leaves with Charlotte anyway. Now Bethany doesn’t trust “Alison” (aka Charlotte) or Jessica. (hence the tapes and drawings) But there wasn’t much Bethany could do from Radley and she needed a plan. A good one. 

Meanwhile. Alison’s twin is not Bethany Young. Alison’s twin grew up in Georgia, knowing nothing of her real family. Until one day a girl named Shana kept calling her Ali. The twin told her I think you have the wrong girl. Shana insisted not, that she looked just like her summer time friend Alison. So Shana shows the twin the picture. Twin can’t believe her eyes it was like looking at a picture of herself. So she asked Shana about this “Alison” girl and Shana told her what she knew. The twin made Shana promise not to tell Alison, and Shana agreed. When summer time came around Alison made her annual trip to go visit Grandma D. While she was there her twin watched her and studied her. She saw how Ali treated people badly. She even watched Ali play her mind games with Shana. Twin had enough, she decided to go to Rosewood to find out what was going on with the rest of her family. Shana even introduced her to a girl named Jenna who lived near Rosewood that twin could stay with. While in Rosewood she was mistaken for Alison a few times. Once by a girl named Mona. She played along trying to be a nicer version of Alison. After seeing how Ali’s life was, her twin decided she needed to know more. The A game starts. The twin starts watching Alison carefully and reaching out anonymously to others when she needed answers. That’s how she discovered NAT club. She is the one who paid Ian to film Ali and her friends. Twin decided that Ali doesn’t deserve this life anymore that she takes it for granted. So she plans to kill Alison and take her place. But her plans go on hold when Jenna and her mom needed to move to Rosewood (As Jenna’s mom was moving in with Toby’s dad) But Jenna told twin that should could stay at their place in Cape May. 

Flash forward. The first secret. Twin is now reaching out to Mona (Ali’s enemy) more often via anonymous texts and emails. She convinces Mona that now is the time to take down Ali. She tells Mona exactly what to do (send the voodoo doll, leave the A notes etc)... It’s Jenna’s first week in Rosewood and she is already invited to a Halloween Party. She heads to the costume shop to pick a costume when she see’s Ali. She knew it was Ali and not twin. Twin had already told her all about Ali. After Jenna’s run in with Ali she calls twin and tells her that she met Ali. Twin pushes her to steal Ali’s spot as it girl and suggests showing up dressed as the “better gaga” Twin is officially kicking off her plan with the help of Mona and Jenna. Only one thing didn’t go as planned. Twin had no way of knowing that Charlotte and Lucas had planned their own special treat for Ali that night. (Ali getting attacked in the house) This actually helped twin because once Ali knew it wasn’t Noel she became aware that someone really was after her.

Moving on. Charlotte and Lucas continue to play silly games to make Alison look bad (the Radley stunt, etc) Twin takes notice and decides that she would like to recruit Charlotte (not knowing Charlotte is related) So she reaches out and asks Charlotte to meet her at Jenna’s. Charlotte who is half playing Ali, half playing with Ali, suggests that Ali stop putting up with Jenna and do something about it (this was Charlotte’s way to lead Ali to the person who was possibly after Ali) So Charlotte doesn’t show up that night, but Alison does and with the help of her friends (who thought they were after Toby) Alison throws the firework into the garage, blinding Jenna and hurting twin. The twin got away before the police came. But now she was super pissed with Alison and her friends. Putting most of the blame on Alison of course. Over the next couple of months Twin and Mona continued to torture Alison. And watched Alison slowly screw over more and more people. (Getting Charlotte kicked out of UPENN, the issues between Ian & Melissa, etc) Every time Alison ruined another life, twin reached out. Ian and Melissa were supplying the NAT videos so twin had knowledge of all the secrets. Charlotte was playing double agent and still pretending to have Ali’s back despite helping plan Ali’s death. 

And finally we get to that night. Charlotte had already convinced Alison that if she couldn’t figure out who was after her she’d have to go on the run (hence Ali saving up money, passports, etc) Charlotte just wanted Ali gone but had little faith that the mystery person would actually do it. So Charlotte sends Bethany the top with a note from Ali, knowing this would set Bethany off. Bethany comes to rosewood to find Ali & Jessica (really Charlotte and Jessica). Meanwhile, Twin has given Mona orders to take Ali out. But Mona mistakes Bethany for Alison and hits her, but she hears someone coming (Melissa) and takes off. Melissa who had just heard Spencer and Ali fight see’s a girl (appears to be Ali) laying on the ground. Assuming the worst of Spencer, Melissa pushes the girl into the hole (that Mona dug) and starts to bury her. Charlotte walks up startling Melissa, and seeing what Melissa was doing. They speak about it for a second before being seen by Jason. At this point they both run away, leaving the girl in the hole only partially buried. Charlotte comes around to the front of the house and believes she see’s Bethany, she hits her upside the head. It’s actually Ali. And Jessica has seen it all. Jessica buries Ali for Charlotte, and calls Wilden to take Charlotte away (presumably back to Radley) Grunwald comes along and pulls Alison out. Alison is later picked up by Mona. Alison tells Mona what happened. That someone hit her in the front yard and that her mother buried her. Mona knows the girl she hit was in the backyard, realizing she did not hit Ali. She did not follow orders. Instead of killing Ali at this point she talks Ali into faking her death and running away. Which is exactly what Alison did; Leaving the yellow top and her Ali bracelet with Mona. During that night when Mona left to gathering somethings for Ali (most likely from the DiLaurentis house) she returned to the grave to see if anyone was in the grave. She finds Bethany, dead. She puts the Ali bracelet on her then recovers the hole. She returns to Alison gives her her things and off Alison goes.  Mona informs twin that Ali is dead.

Now twin just needed to wait for the right time to take Ali’s place. It can’t be too soon because Ali’s family and friends might know its not Ali. So with the help of Mona, she learned how to act like Ali while also transforming Mona into an It girl and subsequently Hanna too. Finally the twin was about ready to make her move, Ali would come back from the dead, but things took a turn. The DiLaurentis’ decided to move away. Twin had Mona take the rest of Ali’s stuff. (When Maya’s family threw it out) Twin was going to need to learn a lot more about Ali. But then a body is found. Everyone finds out it’s Ali and now twin cannot just take Ali’s place. So with that plan being a no go. Twin decides to finish what she started and get back at the girls for being bullies and and blowing up Jenna’s garage. This is why Mona had no real reason for being after the liars, she was just doing the twins work. But during Mona’s reign as A the twin started noticing things. Someone who looked like Ali visited Hanna in the hospital. Someone saved Emily from that garage. Twin learned Ali was actually alive and that Mona had lied to her. So she made Mona out herself as A. She had hoped this would mean that with Mona locked up Ali would come home, then twin cold take her place again. But Ali didn’t come home. And Mona met a girl named Charlotte. Charlotte was the perfect pawn for twin. So via Mona she let Charlotte believe that she would be taking Mona’s place as A. Charlotte really wanted to play the game but couldn’t do that from Radley. So Charlotte leaves Radley and gets herself a place in Rosewood. For the twin the goal is to prove Ali’s alive, for Charlotte its about finding out the truth about her family. Eventually the twin tells Charlotte who she is, which makes Charlotte more on her side. Seasons 3 & 4 are the twin, CeCe, & the liars trying to find out if Ali is alive. Remember there were 3 redcoats in the sawmill in Ravenswood. Ali, Charlotte, & the person who led them to Ezra’s lair. The twin led them to this lair for a reason, this was to make Ezra look more guilty than Charlotte. Once the twin has confirmation that Ali was alive she tells Charlotte she needs to leave the country (because she is accused of murder). Charlotte leaves the country and Ali is exposed, just like the twin planned. This time she sends Shana to kill Ali (because Mona didn’t do it the first time) But instead the liars (Aria) killed Shana. 

So just to add things up: The twin is after the liars for the Jenna thing and the Shana thing. 

So twins next plan to take Ali’s place involves getting Ali and the liars put in jail. At this point (other than Aria) the liars haven’t killed anyone. So she convinces Mona to fake her death. Which Mona agrees too (the blood) The twin comes in and she and Mona fake the crime scene. Of course it looked like Ali in the surveillance video. Because it’s Ali’s twin. This is the first time Mona actually meets the twin (hence her being shocked) But don’t forget she was in on this. 

Once Ali was in jail. Twin just needed to get the liars to Charlotte’s dollhouse, and why not ruin their names in the process. The liars are arrested then kidnapped, making it look like they had escaped. While in the dollhouse, the girls were being tortured by several people. The twin, Charlotte, Mona, Noel, & Sara. The plan would be to keep the liars their permanently. Eventually cluing them in. But holding them captive none the less. Mona would be eventually released having no memory of her kidnapping or the faking of her death. This would clear Alison’s name. She would then be taken to the dollhouse and twin would replace her for good. But the twin didn’t plan for the liars to be smart enough to figure out about Charles... At first the twin decided to play along in their quest to figure out who Charles was. Having Noel stand in as pseudo “Charles” what she didn’t plan for was them catching the damn place on fire. She was literally leading Alison there that night to bring her to the dollhouse. Once the girls had escaped her plan was ruined and Charlotte would be left to take the blame. (Game Over, Charlotte)

But of course Charlotte couldn’t let the game go.when the twin didn’t want to play with Charlotte anymore, Charlotte tried to assemble her own team, (Jenna, Noel, Archer, Lucas, & eventually Mary) She still wanted to play with the girls. But she needed out of Welby first. Finally she gets released. The twin did not want Charlotte to interfere with the plan she’s been coming up with for the last 5 years. So after Charlotte was released, the twin killed her. Using the plan from Spencer’s paper. Already trying to frame someone. Mona is still working for her. After Charlotte is killed she starts tormenting the liars trying to get them to give up evidence that Ali killed Charlotte. It’s just like her plan with Mona only this time someone will really die. She literally plays the girls against themselves. She knows who killed Charlotte and she convinces the girls that it’s possibly one of them, to the point that the girls actually do start incriminating themselves. (Killing Archer) Meanwhile the twin has also taken over all of Charlotte’s minions (Jenna, Noel, Archer, Mary, Sara, Lucas) with the promise that they would be finding Charlotte’s killer, again playing them because she already knows who killed her. Lucas built the board game. Archer got the money. Noel was gathering information. etc... They all played their part. And they all die off once they’ve been exposed or have said too much (Sara, Noel) Jenna hasn’t died yet because the twin has a soft spot for her. But she’s still expendable if she doesn’t play along. Which is why she is holding something over Sydney to force her to play too. By the end of the game one of the liars will go down for Charlotte’s death and the others will be left suffering. 

But the twin never expects for the girls to figure things out. But I think this is actually going to end up being the case. One of the liars will figure out it’s the twin but she won’t be able to tell the others. Eventually someone from the twin’s minions will try to switch sides and help the liars most likely Mona. The twin will be caught and arrested but not before one or two people die in the cross fire (my guesses are one or two of these people; Lucas, Mona, Jenna, or one of the liars- Not Spencer) 

We’ll prob have a time jump of the liars finally living an A/AD free life and see how they are. Alison and Emily will prob be together trying to raise the kid. Spencer and Toby will be friends but not together. Ezra and Aria will probably get married. Caleb and Hanna will probably get married. 

Other things the twin was a part of:

The lodge fire, the twin was the person on the plane. She is the one who knew how to fly. Duncan never met the real Ali he had always met the twin when she was pretending to be Alison. The only time the liars ask Ali about Duncan is when Spencer drug-dreams her up. This was probably the twin at the time. And not actually Alison.

The girl outside the window when Hanna and Mona did the Ouija board was also probably the twin because it led to a pissed off Mr & Mrs D.

So that’s it folks. Ali has a twin and her twin is AD. Ali never knew she was a twin. It’s why she had so many baby pics (there were two of them) Jason was brainwashed to forget it just like he was with Charles. 

For more on how I deducted it would be her twin check this theory out!

[ramblogs]

gender & pronouns;

i’ve never been one to think too much about my gender. i was born a woman, and that was it. i went to a co-ed, then an-all girls, then to another co-ed school, but i never truly thought about my gender until after 3 years of working.

oddly enough, i was just at the back of a tricycle on my way home. i sat with my legs open because it felt more comfortable than forcing my thighs to stay together, then i started thinking that my mom would have scolded me of she saw me.

it took a lot of research and deep digging on my part. at first, i asked someone i knew, though she specifically said she was genderfluid. i tried it, researched thoroughly about it. what made it different from others. why it was called genderfluid, but it never really fit. it felt too off. i’m not always a woman one time, then a man the next. i don’t really bounce back and forth in gender like a tennis ball during a game.

i felt comfortable being a woman, really. because i was raised that way. it was one of the reasons why i had so much trouble with my label. was i thinking that i felt like a woman because i was raised that way? i was the oldest, only having a younger sister after me. my dad was the only man in the house when we lived with my aunts, my grandma, and my cousins after my grandfather died. i grew really fat growing up, so naturally, they expected me to help my dad with carrying stuff. my mom wasn’t gonna do any grunt work.

i’ve always wondered why i never felt bothered at the idea of someone mistaking me for a man. i had friends during high school who were constantly mistaken for one, but i shrugged it off whenever they accidentally did. it wasn’t often, in fact, it’s probably less than 3 times throughout my entire life (i just turned 25 this year, so...). i used to prefer dresses, but when i started getting fatter, it was getting more difficult to wear a dress and a skirt (not to mention, my mom bought me more pants and shorts instead). by high school, i was required to wear jumper skirts (private, Catholic, all-girls school, yo) so by the time i was in college, pants were definitely a relief.

of course, there was also where i preferred hanging out with boys than with girls. i preferred anime over barbie. power rangers over polly pocket. don’t be mistaken, i did play with them (mostly alone, making up random stories. it’s really a wonder why i didn’t take up creative writing/literature in college), i just didn’t exactly prefer them.

i liked playing basketball, patintero, and badminton. i liked art (i took up oil painting, clay sculpting, and cartooning as extracurricular activities when i was in elementary) and books than spice girls, britney spears, and more barbies. (not to judge those who do, but as always: you do you.)

being called female/woman just didn’t seem to fit more and more as i dug deeper. until i came to the realization that, if i imagined my life without my sexual organs (tits and vagina, yo), would i be more comfortable being a male/man? honestly, it didn’t feel right either.

ironically, it felt more right when i just imagined i had no sexual organs at all. that’s when it hit me. agender. there was that term. but it only felt like a small percentage of it, not as a whole.

with a little more digging, and a whole lot other more research, i found it: demiflux. honestly, it took a while to get used to the idea, because it was so foreign. but with all the digging, and the research, it was a comfortable label. it was like an epiphany-- a light dawning on me. an aha! moment! because it fucking was!

i am a woman most of the time, because that’s how i was raised and because i have those sexual organs. but i don’t mind it. there are just times when i feel like being a man the next. i like opening doors for people, giving them a helping hand, respecting women, doing the grunt work. i don’t mind that either. but i also sometimes feel like if my sexual organs didn’t dictate my gender, i don’t feel like a man either. it wasn’t really emptiness, but more apathy towards my gender itself. was it confusing? that was basically how i decided i was demiflux (woman + man/agender).

now you’d think i’d prefer to go by they/them when it was announced that it was officially a pronoun. i don’t. in fact, it’s insulting to me, so much that i think i’ll just break down and cry if you call me they/them. not that it’s wrong or bad to use they/them, i just don’t prefer it as my pronoun. going into this will require a whole new, long-ass post, so i’m skipping that for now. (basically it boils down to a probability of mental/psychological abuse, which is a heavy topic in itself, so it deserves a different post.)

i prefer to use she/her because that’s what i grew up with, and i don’t like messing with things i’m already comfortable with. i also don’t mind he/him, but i might not respond as much because i’m not used to it (being born in a religious, Catholic house in a majority Catholic country...). it’s not really wrong to dig deep into yourself to think about what your labels are. i, for one, am more comfortable in my own skin because i have these labels. there are others who just don’t care about them, and would prefer not to have them and that’s absolutely fine.

i hope this clears things up a bit, not only for myself, but maybe for those who were/are just as confused as i was/am. there are still doubts, but as long as i’m crawling through my way to the clarity, then...

[hotchocolatefanfics]

Whumptober 2019: 11: Stitches

Description: Charles remembers his wife. 

No warnings apply to this one-shot.

~~~~~~~

It was a day just like any other, or it did at first. Will had not yet gone to work, as Charles could smell pancakes being made downstairs. 

As he climbed out of his bed, a pillow fell and landed on the floor. He frowned at it as he reached down to pick it up and examined it carefully. 

The fabric was a light pink, dusty rose, color with a quilted heart shape in the middle. It looked and felt handmade. 

That heart...It had different patterns and fabric pieces in its construction. One pattern was white with roses and dots on it on cotton fabric while another pattern was of a Christmas themed Snoopy ridding a sled.

Some had to have been pajama fabric, but others were everyday clothing fabric. 

Where did he get this from? 

He got his answer when he turned it over. Hand-stitched into the back, read: Sweet dreams, my dearest Charles. Love, Mary-Anne. 

…Mary-Anne?...

More confused than before, he got up from the bed and made his way downstairs. Pillow in hand. “Will?” 

“Hi, Dad!” Called Will from the kitchen as Charles journeyed down the stairs. “Want some pancakes?”

Charles ignored the question and asked one of his own as he approached Will. “Will, what’s this?” 

Will blinked at the pillow before looking at Charles. “It’s Mom’s pillow. The one she made for you.” 

Caesar was watching the exchange at the table, licking the syrup off his hand as he did. 

Frowning again, Charles glanced back at the pillow in his hands before looking back at Will. “Your mother…I have a wife?” 

“Had. You had a wife Dad.” Will’s eyes fell on his father’s hand. “You’re still wearing your wedding ring.”

Charles looked at the golden metal on his finger, saying nothing. Will wondered if he forgot he was wearing it at all. Even when he was a young boy, he had never seen his father take it off or without it. It was as if the ring was a part of him, though he assumed that was the case for everyone who gets married. The ring becoming akin to flesh and bone.

“Mary-Anne.” Charles mumbled. 

“Yes.” Will replied. 

“Where is she now?” He asked, looking at Will again. 

Caesar, now curious, glanced at his adoptive father as well. 

Will let out a long sigh. He didn’t like thinking about his mother…Those last years were the beginning of the end for his parents and their normal lives. “She died in 2003, Dad…Of Breast Cancer.”

The words left a weird feeling in Charles’ chest and stomach before…It happened. 

“Dad?” Will asked when Charles didn’t say anything. 

But Charles didn’t answer. He just turned around and went back to his room. Once inside, he dug through his box of music books until he found what he was looking for. He stared at the music sheet that hadn’t seen the light of day in, what felt like, a lifetime. 

This was her song...Our song. 

He placed the crumpled, old, sheet on the piano and set the pillow down next to him as he started to play.

As the music started, he was there again. He was suddenly back in college, on the day he met the girl with big glasses and that beautiful smile. He remembered the first time they said hello, and then their first date. He remembered how he fell in love with her and how he proposed to her. Their wedding day, their honeymoon, the first apartment they lived in before moving into their house, the day she told him she was pregnant, the moment Will was born, raising him together, sending him off to college...

It all came back to Charles with each stroke of the keys. 

The beautiful life he and Mary-Anne had together. 

His lovely Mary-Anne. He remembered her too.

Her almond hair, her bright brown eyes, the smile that could brighten any day.

Her favorite color was yellow, because it made her happy and reminded her of summer. Her favorite hobby was sewing and dancing to whatever was on the radio. She wasn’t very good at cooking, but she knew how to make a great pasta salad and any kind of pie. 

She had dreams of seeing the word. Of visiting every state and every country and experience everything she could. 

Charles’s playing grew faster as he remembered the time she convinced him to go skydiving, and that other time they went scuba diving-and how could he forget how she used to make him go on every ride in any amusement park they went. Oh how that used to drive him crazy, but he had so much fun with her wherever they went.

Mary-Anne was, to Charles, the physical embodiment of life and joy. She was as adventurous and vivacious as she was loving and gentle. 

...And so brave... 

The music began to slow down as Charles remembered...Those years. 

The first time Mary-Anne was diagnosed with the Cancer, and then had to have surgery before she went into remission. Then the second time, when she had to go through Radiation...And then the last time, when they said she was terminal. 

That same year, he was diagnosed too...Not with Cancer, but with Alzheimers. 

Will had to move back into the house to take care of them both, Mary-Anne became bedridden and Charles had that accident that resulted in him being unable to drive. It was just a hard year for them all.

But Mary-Anne, oh his beautiful Mary-Anne, refused to let it take away what she had left. She never lost her smile, or her joy. Even without hair and a sickly pale replacing her pink skin tone, she looked beautiful.

“How can you be happy when our lives are over?” Words, his words, from a different time repeated themselves in his mind. 

“I’m still happy...Because I got to spend my life with you.” Her voice! “It doesn’t matter if I die now, the memories you and I created together will always be here.” 

“But what if I forget about you?” 

Charles felt a tear roll down his cheek. 

“You never will. Just as I will never leave you.”

Her words stayed in his mind for a while, even after he played the last note. Charles, now teary eyed, looked at the pillow. Slowly, he picked it up and stared at it again. 

Now he recognized the patterns for what they were. Some were his, and others were hers. Their old clothes. 

He ran a hand on the stitches, feeling a sad smile grow on his face as he felt her love in each stitch she made. 

Carefully, he hugged the pillow. Feeling as if he were holding his wife again.

Oh Mary-Anne, I miss you. 

Charles thought about the years after his wife’s death. How Will had been staying with him ever since. Life still wasn’t easy, but they managed. Their family wasn’t broken but it wasn’t the same either. It just changed.

Caesar. 

Charles dried his tears as he sniffled. Deciding right then and there to get the photo albums to show the young chimpanzee. Tell him about his adoptive grandma, and how she would have loved him.

Maybe we’ll have one of her pies tonight too.