#my goal of making each chapter 10k is too hard :(

[kay-jay-self-shipping]

Words of Wisdom For Fellow Writers

I've been writing stories for thirteen years, mainly fanfiction, but that's as valid and writing a full length novel, given how many words my main story alone has. (over 300k words.) And I wanted to pause to give some advice to new writers, or even writers that have been in a bit of a funk lately.

I read stories as much as I write them, but haven't done so in a while, because it feels like the amount of stories for my favourite characters has dropped significantly as the age of media changes. Hopefully, this little act of motivational speaking will remedy that a little.

Write what you want, no matter how cheesy it might seem. Yes, make your characters well-rounded and ensure they're fleshed out and interesting, but don't be afraid to experiment and come up with new concepts that YOU find interesting! Is that storyline overdone? Who cares, if you would read it, write it, because you're guaranteed to find at least one other person who would read it too!

Don't be afraid of making mistakes! My stories can range from 10k words to 100k words and even further, do you think every word is perfect? One story I've been writing for eight years ended up needing a total rewrite at one point due to some spelling errors and then a software error that caused it to get corrupted. Hell, even now, I'm still going back and fixing mistakes that I made recently! If I stopped writing because of each mistake, my Naruto story wouldn't be nearly 60 chapters long! Try to curb your need for the perfect sentence until you start proof-reading, because you won't get anywhere if you keep obsessing over that one phrase that doesn't sound right.

Imagine your story as a movie in your mind. I grew up watching anime and reading manga, so I find it easier to write if I imagine the scenes happening like a scene from a show in my head. Put in the detail you want, but don't repeat yourself, (unless its a flashback.) Actions speak louder than words, but since words are our tools, explain the actions.

Emotion makes for a compelling scene. I use music, especially sad music to help me put emotion into my writing, because if I can feel it, the audience can feel it. There are so many emotional, happy and angry scenes in my stories that were pushed on by music, and I am not ashamed to admit it. Don't be afraid to make a playlist of music you know will inspire and make you feel, because the best storytelling comes from the heart.

If a chapter seems too long, don't be afraid to split it into more chapters. While my chapters can be 10k to 16k words unintentionally when I know a chapter pushes even beyond that, I split it into two or sometimes three chapters to ensure it doesn't drag out for far too long. If I had kept up my old chapter-writing style, I'd only be 20 chapters into my Naruto story, rather than 60.

Make a habit of writing at least one day a week, and set yourself a word count limit to help motivate you! I learned this one recently, but I managed to push out a chapter I was struggling to finish within a month thanks to my goal of writing 2000 words every time I put my fingers to the keys. I also have at least three scheduled writing days a week to make sure I get work done and don't neglect my love for writing or my desire to make an original series I want to get published.

Don't punish yourself for not writing. I admit, this is something I'm still trying to do, and it is hard. But fanfictions are supposed to be a hobby, and if you have to suffer to make it work, then obviously something is wrong and you need some time to rest. Don't give up, of course, but know your limits and take time to write something else if the mood fancies you. Hell, I did this and I came back to my other stories refreshed and ready to spell out a storm on paper!

There's probably more, but this is long enough, so I'll finish by stating the most IMPORTANT tip for any writer, be it original or fanfiction centered...

Learn the difference between criticism and cruelty. If someone comes onto your story and says "You suck and your story sucks," then that's cruelty. But, if someone comes up and says "I really love this story, but the characters seem a little off here, don't you think there should be more emotion, or maybe a change of heart?" That right there, is criticism, and it is VITAL that you learn the difference. Some cruelty can come off as criticism, so try to go through each one with a fine toothed comb to make sure that you understand and desensitize yourself to the content. Criticism is never meant to hurt you, remember that and make sure you take each word with grace. Delete hate though, no one has time for that, lol.

And this is just a final word. Cherish your readers, make sure they know how much their words make your day, because if you start a project, they might be the reason you don't give up. For all my readers, just know that I thrive when you talk to me, because it makes every struggle worth it if you smile by the end of my books!

Thanks for reading... and writers? Good luck on your projects, you're amazing and as a reader, I love it when you post new content!

(And just to prove how much you need to go easier on yourself with errors, I'm not proof reading this. My OCD hates me, but who cares! I'm proving a point!)

[cha-melodius]

2023 Fic Year in Review

I've been doing these for three years now, and they always grow each year as I get tagged in other year-end posts that make the rounds. Feel free you grab it if you want to do your own review! And I’d like to add a hearty thank you to each and every person who’s read my fics over the years, y'all continue to make this a joy!

2020 Review | 2021 Review | 2022 Review

AO3 Username: chamel  My Page: Link  Active Fandoms:  Red, White & Royal Blue: 20 works The Man from UNCLE (2015): 8 works Loki: 5 works New Fandoms: None thank GOD Total Number Of Completed Works/Word Count  This Year: 33 works, 278k words  All Time: 113 works, 1.27 million words

This year a little movie that came out in August absolutely destroyed these stats lmaoooo. Most Popular One Shot (by kudos): This Year: Always Where I Need To Be (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 5.5k) All Time: Class(room) Warfare (RWRB, Alex/Henry, T, 7.8k words)

Most Popular Completed Multi-Chapter (by kudos):  This Year & All Time: Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood  (RWRB, Alex/Henry, E, 20k words)

Events/Challenges: The Man From U.N.C.L.E. Gift Exchange 2023, The Brownstone Anniversary Fic Exchange, Halloween Huh?

More reflections, stats, and planned fics below the cut!

Additional Random AO3 Stats

By number of fics: 85% one shots, 15% multi-chaps

By word count: 52% mult-chaps, 48% one shots

Ratings by number of fics: 48% T-rated, 33% E-rated, 15% M-rated

Musical artists contributing highest number of titles: Jeff Tweedy (Tweedy/Wilco) & The New Pornographers, tied at 3 each

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?  Somehow I topped my word count from last year by 10k, which I was not expecting. That said, this year was right about average.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?  God this is a hard question this year because I wrote a lot of fics I really really love. For one single fic I'll go with Nova, Baby, because I love the story and I've got a lot of lovely feelings about it.

Did you complete your writing goals from last year?  The Goal: I want to complete a few large multichapter fics, which will probably mean my one-shot production goes down. I completed one long mulitchap, and then a few mid-length (~20k) multichaps. I think I wrote more of those than I have any other year. Surprisingly, my one-shot production wasn't super significantly decreased.

Do you have any writing goals for the New Year? Ok, I gotta come up with something. My goal is to have a similar mix of fics as least year, and also to write my first collaboration with @cricketnationrise, which will be a long multichap.

Did you take any writing risks this year? Wrote on a topic outside my wheelhouse (therapy 😬) and also posted a fic in a fandom where there weren't a lot of fics in similar genres (action/spies). Now that's no longer true, but at the time it was really freaking nerve-wracking.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: Every fic I write in a fandom that's not RWRB? 😅 It's hard to complain too much, especially considering what happened to my numbers this year.

Most fun story to write: All the Old Showstoppers, Will You Brie Mine?, You're the Perfect Gift for Me. Silly RWRB boys being silly, basically.

Biggest disappointment: Again, I feel like it's hard to complain when I have a fic that's closing in on 4k kudos. The goalposts keep moving, don't they, though? I still live in fear of pouring my heart into a multichap and having what will count as "lukewarm" reception, when before this year I didn't have a single fic above 1k kudos.

Biggest surprise: Most definitely Please Don't Let Me Be So Understood. Like I figured it would do pretty well (I hoped, since I put so much into it), but holy shit?? I still can't really believe it's on page 2 of the tag by kudos? And honestly also Always Where I Need To Be, this little one-shot about David stealing glasses.

Coming soon/planned for 2024:

False Dichotomy (RWRB You've Got Mail AU)

Kissed Out (RWRB pro-pool players AU)

RWRB 1940s noir AU

RWRB conductor/piano soloist AU

RWRB hockey AU (with cricket)

A shitload of prompts from my fandom fest

Extremely delinquent MTH fics

TMFU art thief/gallery owner AU

Thank you for the tags on your end-of-the-year fic reviews @loki-is-my-kink-awakening, @kiwiana-writes, @rmd-writes, @lizzie-bennetdarcy, @indestructibleheart, and @welcometololaland!

[asukiess]

I feel somewhat ashamed of writing 20k+ words this month and not finishing anything

but maybe ashamed isn't the right word---it's more like frustration. because I have about.... 7 fics I've started this year and I get to 5k, 10k, 15k words and I either lose my steam for it, I start thinking the plot is not strong enough so maybe I add too much else and it's muddied or I feel like I'm focusing on the wrong stuff, or the default "my writing bad". thankfully I think I've shaken a lot of the last one, and realized it's just more of the former reasons.

I think it was a good exercise, and I want to hit my goal (30k) before the end of the month. sometimes I feel like it was quite silly though, because some nights took a long time to get to 1k words. I probably could have spent that idk, getting back to drawing lol. and then I think maybe I should have been doing both each night. and then I think it actually shouldnt be this hard to create at all.

but back to my main point, I wish I could finish something and like. share it. or finish something at all right now. the problem solver side says "okay well get to fixing the core issue" and the other part is like "well I wanna be mad about it for a bit". part of me is mad this about fanfic of all things, part of me maybe wishes to share that I have things I want to say, too. and like, my ao3 stats/ratio/whatever aren't even good enough to justify this kind of internal conflict lmao it's like whatever, write.

would finishing the stories have made me feel more accomplished, in their own right? even if I didn't share them in the end? would finishing the word count goal mean anything? sure, it really did make me happy, more often than not, but sometimes it's frustrating as writing or planning can be, so in that way, it's confusing.

sometimes I think about hacking what docs I do what and do it in a more vignette style. 1-2k word chapters and a lot of them. I like reading fics like that.

anyway. I'm kind of in this treading water stage about it. something something maggie stiefvater asking on her social media the other day if her readers could tell when an author took a long time; something something madeline miller saying it took 10 years to write SoA and someone commented "I can tell"; something something overworked dough.

[bleachbleachbleach]

7/24 - 7/28/2023

I said I wanted to finish Rukia 1 by "Wednesdayish" which apparently means "Friday," but it is done! The two scenes I needed to finish were a conversation with Kyouraku, which was not as hard as I thought it would be, and a conversation with Renji, which ended up being a lot harder than I thought it would be. The prospect of trying to say anything else about this chapter--what might be working, what I'm worried is not, what I want to tackle in revisions--makes me feel 🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃🙃 and/or delusional, so I will not. It is done for now, it is just under 10k, and I've decided what I want to do next is move into Renji 2 and then read through Chapter 1-6 to get a sense of what I'm working with before I finish Rukia 7, with the goal of doing so (and completing Part 1) by the end of August. I am hoping this will not result in me feeling compelled to make extremely dramatic changes, but if it does, I would like to know about them while Part 2 still feels drafty and flexible. XP

It's funny, because while I was organizing my files, I found a note I'd written a year ago that gave a rundown of what kind of headspace I thought each character was in and how they were likely to come into this fic acting. I am fairly certain I have not looked at this note since I wrote it, but was very pleased to see that the way I wrote Rukia 1 corresponded well with what I thought she'd be like, even though in that intervening year I haven't been focused on most of the Rukia parts. Is it in-character? 🙃 I'm trying not to ask myself that yet. Everyone else is either pretty on point with the notes or I haven't yet focused on their chapters enough to really know where they will take them. Except for Hitsugaya, who is completely different.

In any case, here is how this fic (currently) begins:

After the war, Kuchiki Isamu had languished in a private bed, in the care of a dozen nurses, for one hundred days. Then he died. Now it’s been another hundred days, and another memorial is in order. Like many of Isamu’s cousins, Kuchiki Rukia is dressed in uniform black for the occasion. Her arm does not bear her vice-captain’s badge; any whisper of the 13th and its late Captain Ukitake would only be a distraction, and she is here as the Lady Rukia. Her tekkou are silk, white on white, the finely woven pattern of Kuchiki crests revealing itself in the turn of light.

Or it would, if Rukia were in the light. If she were part of the processional through the courtyards with Isamu’s immediate family and his most immediate branch families, and the families closest after that, their kinship obligations blooming outward like chrysanthemum petals. If she were among those sitting under the great gold lanterns in the memorial hall, light dancing as the swell of reiatsu makes them waver. If she were part of the full delegation of Kuchiki chanting the litanies of the dead. “Rukia! What are you doing here?”

Last time they’d spoken, when Head Chef Kuchiki Masami was preparing the tasting menu for Rukia’s promotion banquet, Masami had yet to stop calling her “just call me Rukia,” though the nickname was by then decades old. (“So, just-call-me-Rukia, if I have my sous place the order for abalone by next Tuesday—” “Just-call-me-Rukia, would you prefer steamed or roasted?” “You know, just-call-me-Rukia, I’m still waiting on that fancy Inuzuri ultraspice you keep talking so big about—")

Either the world has finally changed enough or Masami is too distracted to indulge in old times’ sake—in which case Rukia shouldn’t be here at all, never mind what for. But then Masami bends low enough to kiss Rukia on the forehead as she flutters past her, tall and bird-like, and says, “That work station isn’t stricken yet. Careful of the rice flour—your blacks, my love. Your blacks.”

[two-reflections]

Writing Audit ✨

...I ended up signing up for the Salamanders Discord writing comp again. Idk why I did this to myself when I'm trying to finish my summer exchange project, but it's max 1500 words per story so I can probably do it in one night if I have to. The goal is for each competitor to create a short anthology of 4 stories in around 4 weeks. Our wider setting is a sector in the far western regions of Ultima Segmentum which is undergoing Ork and Chaos incursions and eventually gets crusaded by the Imperium. I've chosen a feral jungle world as my focus.

I already have ideas for the first story involving DAOT Archaeotech, feral Orks in limestone karst caves, and a Thousand Sons-affiliated exploratory force made up of non-marine sorcerors seeking out psychoactive plants for a particular Exalted Sorceror back on Sortiarius. (IYKYK) I'm planning for some background necron action too... But very much "blink and you'll miss it" for now.

I'll mainly be going for worldbuilding, focusing on how the planet changed over time. My hope is to bring the Salamanders in later once we hit the Crusade part of the story.

At least I can talk about this comp here, unlike my summer exchange work! Those ones are coming along bit by bit. I'm still a bit worried whether I'll manage to finish them, but since I pivoted to writing two pieces instead of one, it seems much more likely now. I know that sounds weird, but it'll make sense later.

List of my current projects under the Read More.

Summer Exchange Fic 1 - >500 words with no max, MUST be complete by August 11. Currently just over 500, expecting it to end up around 1500 words. Contains smut.

Salamanders Writing Comp - Part 1/4 due on August 8. 1500>[story]>800 words.

Summer Exchange Fic 2 - same rules and recip but expecting it to be around 10k words. Posting as a treat so I can upload unfinished chapters after the fact. Does not contain smut but IMO is the better story.

Salamander Slice of Life/Romance - been looking at this again, finally. I've been linking sections, hard but fun work. Need to add proper chapter divisions though, because certain sections are like 10k+ words long.

[Freelance project I'm considering picking up.] - Good for money, but would slow down all my other writing. Need to decide tonight, will probably start on this after August 15th

Of Steel and Flesh - Next chapter needs a lot of work, as most of them do considering they were written in Jan-Feb. I'd like to upload a chapter in August. It probably won't happen until much later in the month.

Adathan and Julen Sequel - Blood Angel/Imperial Fist Deathwatch smut. I did start writing this but I'm feeling a bit uninspired when it comes to smut at the moment. Need the right mood to hit me.

Techmarine university story - haven't worked in this in ages. Definitely on the back burner until after the exchange deadline, possibly until after the Salamanders comp too.

MMM August fic - this one's going to have to wait a few weeks, I'm absolutely swamped in other stuff.

Noise Marine This Is Spinal Tap parody - Look, it was a great idea, but I don't think I'm going to get this treat done before the exchange. So I'm posting it here. Please steal my idea, there is such a great prompt for it on the exchange.

[globrights]

hi guess whose ch 5 of whose cometh fic broke 7k 👀

[nanowrimo]

How To Achieve Your Goals As A Young Writer

Due to the onset of the internet and online support programs, young writers are emerging into the writing scene and setting goals to finish novels. However, this can be ambitious, so Smrithi Senthilnathan is offering her advice on how to achieve your goals as a young writer.

I’ve only done NaNoWriMo once before, but I absolutely loved the experience! Not only did I manage to write a full 50k novel, but I also gained a lot of friends and knowledge about the craft of writing. Now I want to pass it on to you, by telling you how you can fulfill your Camp NaNoWriMo goals as a young writer.

Achieve your goals as to set a goal that suits your writing style and life. 

Camp NaNoWriMo is an event where you set your own writing goals. This means that you do not have to set a goal that you think will be too hard for you. If you’re tied up with school work and can only manage to write around 500 words or less per day, you can always set a goal for 10k words. This event is all about making sure you reach your goals. That being said, if you think that April will be a light month for you in terms of other workloads, feel free to set a goal for 100k words or even more. Go crazy, go wild but remember: make sure your goal is doable but don’t make it too easy; it has to be something a little out of your comfort zone, something you’ll need to push yourself to complete. Hence, take some time to evaluate your current situation and what you think will be most apt for you, and then choose your goal accordingly.

Plan ahead of time. 

At heart I am a plotter and I do not even start writing a story without having a completed outline, a couple of character sketches and a good idea of my world (I mostly write fantasy). While I know that a lot of people are pantsers and write stories from scratch, personally I would not advise that, especially if you’re still in the beginning stages of your writing. The NaNoWriMo website has a lot of helpful resources under the NaNo prep section, and I highly suggest you at least use some of them to plot out your novel. Trust me, it really helps. Since NaNo is all about writing quickly without worrying about editing, you won’t be able to write quickly unless you know what’s going to happen in the story. Although the fun of writing is creating as you go, having a basic outline will help make sure you don’t get stuck in the middle.

Find some helpful writing buddies.

I cannot stress the importance of writing to friends. They motivate you when you’re down, hype you up when you’re excited, and help you work through all those plot holes you can’t seem to fix. Try to find writing buddies of your own age and frequency, so that you’re able to interact with them better. 

Create a good writing routine that is easy to keep up even on the bad days. 

Even if you don’t write for the same amount of time, if you write at the same time every day it’ll become a habit. Even on your bad days you’ll still show up to write at that time, thus keeping up the habit.

Focus only on writing.

Don’t stop to think about editing, even for a minute. If you get sucked into the editing hellhole, you’ll never be able to find your way out. NaNo is all about just getting that first draft out there, and so only focus on that. 

Recognize and celebrate the small achievements. 

Every chapter you finish, every word you write is a step closer to your goal. Keep recognizing your achievements, no matter how small, so that you always have something to look back at and smile at.

And that’s about it! Each writer works differently and I can’t say that these will work for you, but if you’re a young writer like me and you’re new to NaNo, you might want to try some of these out to help achieve your goals. But also remember that it’s completely okay not to achieve your goals. You’re doing this only for you and no matter whether you meet your goals or not, you’ve still added words to your project, and you’re still a valid writer. So keep writing, and don’t stop no matter what. 

Smrithi Senthilnathan is a 16 year old writer from India. From a very young age she's nurtured a passion for reading books and writing stories. Recently, she started to channel that passion into working on longer projects, like novels. Some of her stories have been published in online literary magazines. When she's not writing maniacally, you can find her playing the piano or reading with a steaming cup of hot chocolate in her hand. 

Instagram: @thereaderspoint101

Blog: https://theunwrittenstories101.wordpress.com

Photo by Amelia Bartlett on Unsplash  

[fanficwritersinterviewed]

ITWW, shey

<<This post is a part of a longer conversation about fanfic writers, how they view fanfic, and their writing process. All views are the fanfic writer’s own, and whatever fanfic they choose to write is entirely their own decision. No judgment value will be placed on fic content. These conversations are meant to provide insight for other fanfic writers in whatever stage they are at in their writing life>>

In the Weeds Wednesday (with Shey, @shey-elizabeth​ )

So let’s talk process. When you start a fic what happens first for you? It depends on the type of fic. Short things (which tends to be anything less than 10k for me) just kind of happen. I usually have a vague outline in my head, but otherwise they do what they do. Long fic usually starts with a lot of brainstorming, followed by a vague outline that gets added to as I go. I typically have a list of scenes and plot points that gets fleshed out as I start writing and figure out who the characters are going to be and what their backstory is in this fic. I usually have a pretty solid plan by the time I finish the first scene or two, but other things definitely sneak in as I go.

You said before that you write about 2k and then edit for a long time after that. What's the typical rhythm of all that for you? Do you keep to a schedule? I try not to have a schedule since I've found that makes things less enjoyable. I do have an idea in my head of when I'd like to post the next chapter of my WIPs, but that's as far as I get. I'm also not someone who needs to post as soon as I finish. I'm much more likely to sit on a fic for a month or more and post it when I feel good about it.

I've been told my writing process is a lot like drafting? I get words on the page, and then I rewrite them until they do what I want them to. I might write an entire scene and change the dialogue four times (including the meaning of the conversation) until I get to something that sounds right. I also go back and add layers. I'll fill in emotion, inner monologue, and movement with each pass through until it feels complete. There's a lot of rearranging and adding. Not usually much subtracting. My goal is usually to get the scene down so I don't forget where I want to go, and then fix it so it actually works the way I intended.

This last pass through is usually adjusting word choice, making sure I'm not repeating phrases, and checking that the dialogue flows.

What part of the writing process brings you pleasure? Writing? Sculpting it in edits? Honestly, the actual writing is the hardest part and the part I have to gear myself up for. Writing will probably always be hard for me, but the finished product makes it worth it. I really enjoy the sculpting of it (LOVE that term! I'm totally stealing it, thank you!) and of course, the “having written” (I write most of my fic so I can read it, after all!). I do adore the comments from readers, too. They make the stress so worth it! My favorite part though, is getting the doc back from my beta and finding out if what I wrote actually worked. I love that feedback and seeing how the suggested edits make everything come together. It's like magic and so satisfying.

What's the hardest thing you've ever attempted with your writing and why was it challenging? Honestly, the hardest thing has been finishing my first fic. It was supposed to be a mid-length, self-indulgent, smutty little getting-together fic. And it's all of that, except the mid-length part! I started it before I really learned anything about the writing process, and I've grown so much as a writer in the two and a half years since then that the first few chapters feel almost unrecognizable to me. I've gone back and edited them (there were some grammar errors that I just couldn't ignore!) but I know the second half is a lot stronger than the first. That made it difficult to keep working on, and it sort of became this looming monster in my head. I started to feel like it was never going to be done. I actually stepped away from it for most of 2021, even though I only had a chapter left, and I knew it wasn't actually a difficult chapter to write. Every time I opened the doc, I would just stare at it and it felt completely impossible. 

What I ended up doing was focusing on my other long fic– “Sugarcoated”– and getting that story done. I convinced myself that if I could finish it I could undo this block I had about finishing the other long fic. It seems like it worked, because I finally finished “Sugarcoated” in October, and that took so much pressure off. Now that I can look at it and go "finishing long fics is possible! It's a thing that I've done!" it's given me confidence to actually sit down and get my first fic done. 

What's the best piece of writing advice you ever got and how have you applied it to your own writing? Oh man, I’ve gotten so much fantastic advice! Everything from technical (try not to start sentences with “ing” words) to process advice like what to do if you get stuck (go back seven sentences, or skip to the next scene). Probably my favorite piece of writing advice was about how to avoid “puppet syndrome” in my smut scenes. That’s the thing where the whole scene is just action without the emotions attached. You aren’t getting inside the character’s heads enough and the sex becomes “insert tab A into slot B”. It ends up feeling flat, or disconnected, and you aren’t sure why. Making sure the characters’ emotions and reactions are present in the scene is a big focus for me. 

I wrote a super smutty one-shot recently that had the working title “Stetopher Filth” and I got a comment asking how I was able to write filthy things that were also so sweet. That made my day. That fic has some heavy kinks in it, so it was extra important to me that the readers saw how much the characters cared for each other. I wanted the emotions front and center every step of the way. That comment told me I was successful!

Haha, that’s great! “Puppet Syndrome.” I usually say it feels like having two dolls and mashing them together, but now I’ll think of muppets, thank you for that horrifically wonderful thought!

Alright, lastly: say something nice about your own writing. Something nice about my own writing… I actually like most of my fics a lot. There's some great advice out there that says "write for yourself." I've always written things because I wanted to read them, and I think that that makes it easier to feel good about the results!

[ahiddenpath]

Survey Results + Writing Plans/News

SURVEY IS IN!  More on that and my writing plans beneath the cut- PLUS my (tentative) ideas for a (potential) Digiwrimo event during Nanowrimo in November!

So the results are as follows:

Tri: Integrity Lens: 5 votes

Chosen Minor Arcana: 4 votes

Koushiro/Tentomon/Taichi oneshot: 3 votes

Four Years Profiles and Book Binding After August: 1 vote each

Thank you all so much for your feedback and interest!  I truly appreciate it.

I took the results and tried to figure out what to do, and my stunning conclusion is...  That I’m a crazy person, lol!  I can’t possibly keep all of these balls in the air, so here is what I’ve decided:

First priority:  Finish the last Four Years chapter before the hiatus.  It’s sexy, which means I’m struggling with it, but...  Gotta finish that first.

Second:  Write the Koushiro/Tentomon/Taichi oneshot for Odaiba Day, make any art/grab screen shots for it.  I at least want to draw a cover image with Kou-chan and Tento-chan.

Third:  Tri: Integrity Lens.  I have 19,000 words for Ketsui, which means that, while I have a fair amount...  I don’t even know if it’s halfway done.  Probably about halfway?  So I’ll have to decide, do I wait until I finish the whole thing, or do I post the “Mimi” half every other week, pause, then post the “Jyou” half?

I am seeing much more interest in the tarot/Minor Arcana than I expected, frankly!  So I will get to that, but for now, it will just be in the “what exactly am I doing” stages.  I might pick a single card for the twelve Chosen, I might make a post per character and talk about any/every Minor Arcana I think applies to their arc...  I don’t think I can do the whole Minor Arcana (56 cards).  Like, I just don’t think there’s a good match for every card.  So the approach is more complex than the Major Arcana (pick one card per Chosen, essentially). 

What I’m getting at here is that you might not see much new material from me until Odaiba Day, when I will post my oneshot (other than the FY chapter I’m working on now).  July is going to be dedicated to the oneshot and working on TIL.  Hopefully I finish the FY chapter before July- I’m not kidding when I say that sexy stuff is the hardest stuff.

I’ve been posting consistently since January 2021, but now I need to take a pause and sort out my next step.  I can’t say I like it, lol, but it has to be done!  

Digiwrimo

I will probably make another standalone post for this, since I’m sure a lot of my followers don’t follow my fics (which is perfectly understandable, no shade).  BUT YOU BABES GET TO SEE IT FIRST, also please help me bounce ideas around, lol!

SO HERE’S THE THING.

I have always wanted to have Nanowrimo buddies, but joining Nanowrimo is a hard sell.  Basically, entrants try to write 50,000 words in the 30 days of November, or 1,667 words/day.  It’s brutal, and a lot of writers (reasonably) don’t want to touch it with a ten foot pole. 

I would love to create with my fellow digimon fandom writers for a month, so I wondered...  Would anyone be interested in a modified Nanowrimo, aka Digiwrimo?  Here are my ideas:

Setting goals

Entrants are encouraged to set individual goals that fit their needs.  Sample goals include:

-Word count:  The traditional 50K, 30K, 20K, 10K, 5K written in the month of November (or whatever month we decide on, it actually... does not have to be November).

-Writing habit/session goals:  Make a promise to yourself to write for 60 minutes a day, 30 minutes a day, 15 minutes a day every day in November.  They say it takes about a month to establish a habit, so this could be a fun way to set up your daily writing habit!

-Project goals:  Finish that oneshot you’ve been meaning to write in November!  Write 1, 2, 3 chapters of your fic!  Write that meta collection/drabble collection!

There are no prompts/rules/shipping restraints/season restraints/canon or au restraints for your projects.  It just has to be digimon content of some kind.

If we work together, it’s much better!

-Discord for Digiwrimo with weekly write-ins 

-Declare your project and share updates on the Discord

-A Digiwrimo blog to reblog all posts tagged with an agreed on tag

Share your work

-Digiwrimo entrants are encouraged to edit/complete their Digiwrimo manuscripts for a month or two.  Then, anything posted on personal blogs with an agreed on tag will be reblogged on the Digiwrimo blog for signal boosting.

Those are my initial ideas!  I have no idea if people would want to do this, I just...  I’ve heard a lot of variations on, “I want to try Nanowrimo, but it’s just too much.”  I thought this event might be helpful for people?  But I’m also not sure if I’ll have time to run it and do my own Nanowrimo project, so I would need help, I think.  (Or it could take place outside of November and Nanowrimo, so I don’t make myself crazy trying to do both).  I also would love any ideas!  For example, I’m not sure what one does at a virtual write-in on Discord.

Would anyone be interested in this?  Or maybe there are just way too many events lately?  Let me know :D

[jungcity]

love, eternal. | vi

genre: reincarnation!au, fallen angel!au

[supernatural!au-ish, angst, use of blunts and intoxicants, extra asshole jaehyun, smut, vulgar words]

pairing: jung jaehyun x reader

words: 10k

note: hello, loves!! here is chapter vi, sorry if it took a while for me to finish this one. i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it.

ps.: special thanks to @cherr-e for helping me edit the chapters of this series! i'd always remember your kindness!

part v

“Thou shall bear a love for one soul in a thousand faces,

And suffer as the face cease to exist but the soul, perpetually.”

Jaehyun was a soldier. But instead of a village, it was your heart that he’s pillaged after the war— leaving it empty and burning.

Catastrophic, he was. You should have seen it in his eyes, you should have heard it in his lips. But like the good, naïve girl that you are, you forgot about the devil once he’s touched your lips with his.

The shattering of your heart is as loud as the collision of coffee mugs against the floor, the only difference is that the mugs are heard but your heart isn’t. How cruel it is, to see something like this early in the morning. How tragic it is, to be hurt like this by someone who is as close as a stranger to you— or perhaps you to him.

You wanted to pick out all the littered shards of the mugs, close your hands around them just to feel their sharp edges on your palms and make it bleed. By doing so, Jaehyun would not bother to question if you ever cry. But you can’t move, your body feel listless.

“S-sorry. I’ll go get the cleaner.”

It’s appalling how have you mustered the strength to make your feet move even if your bones feels heavy. With trembling fingers, you dialed for the maintenance number, inhaling a deep breath before talking. You know you need to go to the comfort room, and perhaps in its white tiles and bright lights, you’ll find the silence your mind demands.

“Do not cry, do not fucking cry. For fuck’s sake, it’s eight-thirty a.m. in the morning, Y/N.” You repeated the sentences until you’re inside the comfort room. For the first time since you started working for Jaehyun, you thanked the emptiness of the floor. You do not have to worry yourself about someone walking in on you trying to collect your last bit of sanity.

The mirror was bright, reflecting even all the pores in your face. You look fucking miserable; eyes red from the tears that’s begging to come out, lips trembling from forcing yourself not to cry. But you will never cry. You are stronger than what you saw in Jaehyun’s office. I will not cry. It was hard to breathe, yes, but you inhaled air despite the burning pain in your throat and in your chest from trying your hardest not to fall apart.

What was that? You asked the reflection on the mirror. Were you that naïve? To even let your mind think that what transpired between you and Jaehyun could mean something? Could mean anything at all? Your trip to Paris felt like an ages ago. You should have known better then. You should have never held his hands, or you should have not let him tuck the strands of your hair behind your ear. You should have just looked away when he stared at you as if you were the moon on a clear night sky. Instead, you dared yourself stare at the halo in his eyes. Now, you’re burning because of your own folly.

“This is nothing. Act like you didn’t see anything,” For the last time, you take a deep breath. “Let’s get to work,” Then you walk back to your own table.

The cleaner inclined his head at you as a sign of greeting, he carries a mop and a pail of water. By the bluriness of the water you could tell that he’s done cleaning up the floors.

Now, what? Do I go inside and ask them if they need anything? I should make them coffee again, right?

You pushed your chair away, sighing as you’ve decided to continue your work. If there’s one thing Jung’s Fiscals have taught you, that is professionalism. Feelings are not needed in the work ethic. Sure, you could try to drown yourself from alcohol tonight but you need to keep your sanity intact today. You just need to get through this day.

It feels like the world is on your shoulders as you walk towards the door, your arms holding the tray again. This time, you’re certain it would not fall. When you successfully opened the door, you kept your head staring straight at the view outside. You whispered a silent thanks when you saw them promped on the sofa, not kissing or touching each other, with the girl giggling to whatever Jaehyun said on her ear.

“Good morning, Sir.” Just smile, Y/N. Smile like it’s your birthday. Your lips stretched into the widest smile it could make, hoping it’s enough to convince Jaehyun you weren’t affected by the little staunt he pulled on you. “Good morning, Miss…?” You turned your head to the woman, maintaing your smile as you did so.

She returned the smile, her pearlescent teeth flashing. “Call me Miss Mina.” Then she stretched out her hand to you, you didn’t have any choice but to shake hands with her. “Nice to meet you,” said she.

It’s your second time catching them on the ‘act’ (well you didn’t the first time, you just watched her gave Jaehyun a handjob) but there isn’t an ounce of embarrassment in her face as she smiles at you now. It also doesn’t seem like she remembers you from Jaehyun’s penthouse.

“Nice to meet you too, Miss Mina. I’m Y/N. Mr. Jung’s secretary.” The reality tastes bitter in your mouth. Perhaps it is why you’re hurting right now. You forgot your position in Jaehyun’s life, you forgot that you’re just his secretary and nothing more.

“How about dinner tonight, huh?” Jaehyun asked her by snaking his arms on her waist, trying to bite her ear. She giggles and tries to push him away, but she nodded her head nonetheless, telling your boss that it’s a good idea.

You felt the familiar tightening on your throat, causing you to swallow with the hopes to wash it away. Staring at them feels like staring at the sun, it hurt your eyes.

“Is there anything I could do for you, Sir? Miss?”

Jaehyun just brushed you off like a fly, “Go.” He said. He didn’t even look at you.

You settled the mugs on the small table, not daring to peek on what the both of them are currently doing. After what seems like forever, you finally departed the office, leaving them to continue their kissing.

Tons of e-mails were sent to Jaehyun’s inbox when you opened the mail. They were all about business; some from Johnny, from Taeyong, and from Hendery. You knew Hendery from Johnny’s party. His features are sharp, with a good sense of humor. It’s a shame that you didn’t had the chance to converse with him.

As you click everywhere in the mail, your phone vibrated on the table. A message from Yuta.

[Are you busy?]

[No, why?]

[Can I talk to you later?]

You shifted on your seat, pondering about his offer. It’s been weeks since you last talked to him and you know it’s time to sit and have a conversation with Yuta.

[Sure. Text me the loc.]

Jaehyun’s office door swung open the same moment you kept your phone. He had his arm on Mina’s shoulder.

“Cancel all my schedules for today,” He said.

You glanced at the alarm clock. It’s only ten-thirty in the morning and he’s got a meeting at twelve noon.

“Sir, what would I tell Mr. Kang about your meeting?”

Oh, for God’s sake Mina, couldn’t you keep your hands to yourself? Mina’s touching Jaehyun’s stomach, probably feeling the hard muscles on his abdomen. You blushed as you remembered the image of his body on the night you shared in London.

“Re-schedule it. Tell him I’ve got something more important to do.” At his last sentence, he looked at Mina— ready to devour the girl any time soon. The woman giggled underneath his stare. You wanted to retch.

“Alright, Sir. Take—”

But he’s already walking away. Not bothering to hear you.

—

You agreed to meet Yuta at your go-to fast-food chain when you were still in college, fifteen-minutes away from Jung’s Fiscals. College students could be seen eating as well as young couples. The restaurant gives the vibe of that of a resto style, that’s why it’s popular among teenagers. The couches were the only thing that’s changed after all these years, but the nostalgic feeling still lingers in the air once you stepped inside.

Yuta stood up from his seat the moment you locked eyes with him, waving his hand to you wearing his bright smile. You couldn’t stop but remember the times the both of you would have your dates in the fast-food chain with your silly young heart bouncing every time you see him waiting for you. How long has it been and how happy you were back then.

“Hi,” Yuta greeted.

You sat across from him, “Hi.”

There’s already food on the table when you arrived. It is the same food you always get every time you eat with him.

“The food’s still warm, I hope you don’t mind me ordering for you.” He softly tells you while pushing the food your way. You pick on it while waiting for him to say something.

“I know I was an asshole towards your boyfriend—” Oh, yes. Yuta thinks Jaehyun is your boyfriend. It made you feel even worse. “and I know I made a mistake. I just want to say sorry to you. And to him. But mostly to you, I know you were scared and shocked.” He stated. “I just want us… to reconcile. Be friends again. I know your heart belongs to someone else now, and it’s not my goal to interfere with your happiness, Y/N.” He sighed. “I miss you, as my friend.”

You bit your lips. Here you are again, being emotional as a baby. But you have to admit that you missed having Yuta as a friend. He was someone who you could lean on when life got tough on you back then. He was your wall, your strength, your one reason to keep moving. You knew all he wanted was to make you happy.

“I miss you, too.” You smiled despite of your trembling lips. He gave you a sweet smile while he held your hand on the table.

“Oh, before I forgot, here.” He brought a pamphlet on the table, offering it to you.

“I know it’s been ages since the three of us had gone to an adventure. I’ve already invited Soojin, she told me she’d say yes if you do.”

You stared at the pamphlet, reading the text printed out on the paper. Mountain hiking. Nature. Forest. Perfect for your current emotional state. It is exactly what you need, so without much of a thinking, you said yes.

—

“You know this night would get us looking wasted tomorrow, right?” Soojin asked as you picked up yet another bottle of soju.

You read the label on the drinks before nodding at her, “Relax. Trust me, it’s what we need.”

It’s what you need; ten shots of soju to drown your thoughts about Jaehyun. And about Mina. About everything else.

“What’s this? You’ll try to get yourself in a coma?” She shot up her brow, looking at the soju bottles on the push cart and to you.

“That’s why I invited you so we could get ourselves in a coma together,” You teased her.

Tonight, you invited Soojin to have a slumber party in your apartment with Yuqi. The emotions you’ve been bottling up since seeing Jaehyun with Mina needed to be released or else you’d die of suffocation. By your own experience of heartbreak and loss could you tell that soju is the bestest way to relieve yourself of the stress. Jaehyun does not have the rights to infiltrate your mind any longer and what’s best way to kick him out of your system than gulping down bottles of liquor, right?

It’s not normal of you to drink liquor on a Monday night, and if Soojin had noticed anything wrong about you, she didn’t ask. You’re not ready to face the problem yourself, either. Or maybe you will never face it.

“Anyways, Yuta told me you’ve accepted his apologies and that you’re willing to join us in the hiking,” Soojin starts as you walk outside the convenience store carrying snacks and soju bottles.

“Yes. I did. It’s time to revive the friendship and I think there’s nothing wrong in trying,” You shrugged.

Soojin nodded, “Yep. But…” She hesitates, you know exactly why. “…how about Jaehyun, though? Does Yuta know the truth?”

He doesn’t. Because you didn’t want to give him false hopes that both of you could work it out and be together again. “No. I didn’t tell him.” You frowned. “The last time we ate together, he told me he still loves me, that I should give him a chance.”

Soojin gaped at you, “You said no, of course. You wouldn’t introduce Jaehyun as your boyfriend if you’d agreed to give him a chance,”

You nodded at her. Soojin rolled her lips between her teeth, hesitant to ask you yet another question. “Do you fancy someone else now, though?” She finally asked.

Was it too obvious? The thought of Soojin noticing your affection towards Jaehyun gave you the creeps. It’s not like it isn’t true, but you aren’t ready to voice your feelings to someone else yet.

“I… I don’t know.”

“You don’t have to lie to me. I can see it in your eyes. I know you like… Jaehyun. I mean, Y/N, do you know that you’re the first secretary he took with him overseas?”

You stop in your tracks, completely focusing your attention to your best friend. She did the same.

“Yes. That’s right. Because his former secretaries couldn’t even make it to one month, except Maggie. Yet he didn’t even take Maggie to attend business with him overseas. I know it’s not that special… but it’s unusual of him to do that.” There’s a spark of hope that kindled in your chest by realizing what Soojin is trying to tell you. But you quickly smashed it, there’s no way Jung Jaehyun could have an affection towards you after the incident in his office.

“Are you saying he likes me?”

“Maybe…? I couldn’t tell yet, but there’s a possi—”

You cut her off, “Do you know that I saw him making out with another girl inside his office?”

Soojin gasped, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” You’re aware of the fact that it’s not right to tell what you’ve seen earlier to another people. It’s not right to gossip about the business of your boss. But Soojin is your best friend, you need to convince her that Jaehyun has no fondness towards you or else you’d believe her and that would definitely lead to your own destruction. You have to nail in your mind that Jaehyun would never like you. In that way, you’re saving yourself from the worse heartbreaks.

You walked back to your apartment talking about anything except for Jaehyun. It has cleared your mind somehow. As you talk with Soojin, you’ve prevented your mind to think about Jaehyun and Mina, or what could they possibly be doing in the moment. At least, you felt far away from them.

“Yuqi, you’re not allowed to drink.” You told your sister, tossing a juicebox her way.

“You’re such a kill joy,” she pouted. It’s her midterms week and you’re only allowing her to stay late to review her notes, not to drink with you. Soojin patted her back, frowning with her.

The night went on with the three of you laughing at some silly jokes you shared. Both Soojin and you reminiscing your embarrassing moments back in college. How Soojin literally drew a vagina, making your professor blushed in his seat while grading the canvas.

“I am fucking sleepy,” Soojin’s words were sluggish, proof that the soju has kicked in her system already.

You feel it too. You feel the warmth in your body, mind spinning from too much shots. Yuqi bid her goodnight five-minutes ago, leaving both you and Soojin on your own.

You were absolutely wrong to think that the liquor would make you forget Jaehyun. If anything, it just made your situation worse. Jaehyun’s memories flows within you like how the liquor flows in your veins— searing every part of your body.

How had everything came back to square one, you have no idea. All that you think of right now is the shame of hoping for something else after the night you spent with Jaehyun. Was it really a wishful thinking? But he made you feel special in those times, he made you feel like you were something out of the ordinary. Perhaps he does it to every girl he’s met and mingled with. Perhaps you weren’t really special. Perhaps he toyed with you and that was it— no explanations, no apologies, just utter heartbreak.

Why does this heartbreak feel different? Why do you feel like you are being hollowed inside out? Why do you feel like there’s a force trying to squeeze the air out of your lungs and the blood in your veins? God, why does it hurt so much?

“God, I love him.” You blurted out, your palms digging in your eyes while you let the tears flow down freely.

“What the heck are you talking about?” Soojin squinted her eyes at you.

“I love him! I love Jaehyun!” You cried. Soojin shifted beside you, bringing her arms around your body as you cried your heart out. “Why does it hurt so much? Why?” She’s lulling you now, her former drunk self thrown out because of your current situation. The pain, you couldn’t bear it. It feels like a sledgehammer to your heart.

“Sssh, Y/N. It’s okay. It’ll be okay,” she shushed.

“It will never be okay.” You whispered. The pain feels almost atavistic. It’s like a part of you is missing and never in a hundred years could it be found.

—

In this dream, you couldn’t feel anything; not the headache from being drunk nor the heartbreak from Jaehyun. Everything about this dream is like a fairytale, you know exactly where you are.

There are no crying voices, there are no prayers of sorrows, there are no kneeling families begging for Aurora to wake up. Only silence and the chirping of birds.

“You’re awake,” said the voice from the edge of the bed. She’s looking at you, with her body twisted sideways. Aurora.

You sat up on the lush bed, squinting and protecting your eyes from the burst of sunlight penetrating the room.  “Why am I here again? Aren’t you dead?” Right now, you need answers— from all these visions, from all these dreams. These aren’t just  simple images created by your mind; they are life.

“If I am dead, you are dead too. But we live, for eternity,” she says, facing you. She is ethereal. Soft. Pristine. Her every move is like the quiet waves of the ocean. It is unreal.

“What do you mean, eternity? I— I don’t understand. Why am I here? Why do I always see you in my dreams? Who really are you?” You bombarded her with questions, hoping that she’d quench every single one of it with answers.

“I am Aurora. You are here because it is your destiny. Soon, you will understand, once you are ready for it.” Her voice was like velvet in your ears, so smooth.

“Destiny? What destiny?”

You trace her lips with your eyes as she speaks the words, “Thou shall bear a love for one soul in a thousand faces— and suffer as the face cease to exist but the soul, perpetually.” She paused, then looked at you with smile on her lips. “That is your destiny.”

“What? Who told you that?” Because it is clear that the words are not from her, for it seems like it’s from someone— and she’s only memorizing the words to you.

“His name is Yuno.”

Yuno? Who is Yuno?

You gasped as you wake, your heart and head pounding. The clock tells you it’s five a.m. in the morning. Convenient. Now is the time to get up and face the world again— face Jaehyun again. You wonder what surprises he’s laid for you today.

It’s still dawn yet your body feels heavy already, preventing you to be productive and dynamic. The dream you had about Aurora sinking in your bones, making everything more difficult for you.

Yuno. The name sounds strange to you. You’ve never rolled its syllables on your tongue before. Destiny. You groaned at the thought. Here you are, thinking that you’re just a simple girl in a big city, yet your dreams tells you you’re more than what you believed you are. Is it true? What path does all these dreams lead to? Would it be worth it to jump and find answers?

Your intuition tells you there’s something out there for you— but you weren’t expecting something as complicated as this one. One step at a time, you told yourself. If you’re determined to find answers, you need to know who Aurora is. You need to find out if she still lives or she’s already dead like in your dreams. You need to have a point— point where to start.

“Thou shall bear a love for one soul… thousand faces… suffer… as the face cease to exist… but the soul… perpetually,” You chanted the words as you write them in your sketchbook. Understanding what it means would be a big step in your sleuthing.

Aurora said that the words are your destiny, and they were from a person named Yuno. But who is Yuno?

—

“Soojin, can I ask you something?”

The both of you are walking to the bus stop, looking bedraggled from the risky night you spent drinking and crying in each other’s shoulders. Soojin hugged you until you stopped crying yesterday night. She guided you on your bed, tucking you in before sleeping in Yuqi’s bedroom. Unfortunately for the both of you, your single bed wouldn’t be able to hold two bodies, that’s why she slept in Yuqi’s. But before she departed your room, she gave you a glass of water and kissed your forehead.

“Sure, what is it?” She said that while gliding her lipstick on her lips.

You’re certain that Aurora played a big part in Jaehyun’s life. You wouldn’t see him crying in the corner of Aurora’s bedroom as she laid dying on her bed if she was a nobody. Jaehyun crying, you would’ve considered it as a joke if it wasn’t for the fact that you saw it with your own eyes, despite that it happened in your dreams. Are they just your dreams, though? That, you will find out. You know they’re related with each other— no matter what his friends told you.

“In your two years of working in Jung’s Fiscals, have you ever seen Jaehyun with a girl?” You asked, “black hair, that falls up to her waist—” You motioned your hands to your waist and pointed your finger at your eyes, “and blue eyes! She’s pretty. Like a living princess.” Your eyes are widening now, eager for Soojin’s answer. But she only looked at you as if it’s her first time knowing you.

“There’s one girl who always visits him… and I know you’re familiar with her. She’s Chaelin. Apart from her and the other girl from yesterday… I don’t think I’ve seen him with the girl with blue eyes and black hair.” Soojin stated while she looked at you with knitted brows. “That’s an unusual appearance, you know. I’ve never met someone with the same facial features.” She added while fixing her hair.

“I told you she’s beautiful.” You told her. But you couldn’t stop the disappointment as it sips on your energy. On a spur of moment, Aurora feels so far away. The people who could help you refuses to say anything about her. Chaelin, Johnny, Taeyong. But why?

“Why are you asking, though? I know you like him, but you need not to murder his exes you know.”

“Shut up, bitch. I was just curious. To be honest, I always dream about the girl. Her name’s Aurora. And in my dreams, I always see Jaehyun. That’s a bit mysterious, don’t you think?” You tighten your hold around the strap of your bag, anticipating for your best friend’s answer. You know Soojin as a practical woman, but she might know something useful about your dreams. There’s no harm in trying. “I’d tell you that the setting of my dreams looked like it was made out of the eighteenth to nineteenth century.”

Soojin stopped fixing her bangs as she whirled towards you, “It feels old? That’s what you’re telling me?” You nodded as she pursed her lips like she’s remembering something. “My grandmother told me that sometimes, our dreams are doors to the life we had before. You’ve stated that you dream about odd and old things. There are a lot of reincarnation stories in the internet y’know. More of the times, it’s their dreams that tells them what they were before their life today. It’s honestly cool to have those kinds of visions…” Her voice was blurred out by your thoughts.

Past life. Reincarnation. Could it be possible that your dreams are doors to your life before? How? Now everything seems too convoluted for your brain to process. The voice of Aurora repeating in your mind: “That is your destiny.” What destiny, exactly?

—

“Sir, these are the files Laura sent me. She told me you need to sign these papers as soon as possible.” You laid the stack of piles on Jaehyun’s table while he currently scans a document and fiddling the pen with his fingers.

There wasn’t a making-out session to greet you good morning today, but Jaehyun still arrived earlier than you. He was rummaging through his files when you came into his office with a cup of coffee. Some were on the floors, some were on his desk. You could tell he was frustrated by how his brows were narrowed as if they’d become as one anytime soon.

“As soon as possible? Who the fuck tells the CEO that bullshit?” He flipped the pages of the document with enough force that the stapled edges of it were torn apart.

“Apparently, Laura did, Sir. You indeed need to sign the papers as soon as possible since you postponed your meeting with Mr. Kang yesterday,” You added, looking straight at the skyscrapers outside. You couldn’t afford to look at him and not break down here and there.

“Look at me when you talk to me.” It wasn’t a plea, it was a command. You have no other choice but to look at him— into those cruel dark brown eyes you want to forget. The moment you did, your lips slightly trembled.

He stood up from his seat, eyeing you as he did so. He leaned his weight on the edge of the table, arms crossed as he looked at you. “You’ve been ignoring me.”

Ignoring? What the hell is he talking about?

“Sir?” You asked him, incredulous by his audacity.

“You’ve been ignoring me. Why? Were you jealous about the incident you saw yesterday?”

You gulped down your irritation. Of course you were jealous. But you refuse to give him that satisfaction. “Why should I?” You cleared your throat then added, “Sir.” Like a soldier under the scrutinizing of the captain.

“Because you like me.” He stated, as a-matter-of-fact. Where is this conversation going? You couldn’t calculate his reason to state that sentence, but it made you shift on your position despite that. It was another thing to hear it from his lips.

“I don’t see the reason why it matters, Sir.”

“It matters to me, Y/N.”

“If you don’t have anything more to say, I’d better get working. Call me if you need anything, Sir. I’ll be right outside your office.” You flashed him your sweetest smile, ready to turn your back on him. But he swiftly caught your wrist. His look was almost apologetic. You didn’t even know why do you wait for him to say something. Minutes had gone by with the both of you just staring at each other, sharing a silence that shattered your already broken heart, levigating every bit of what’s left of it.

“Go.”

One word. You have no idea how could that one word hurt you even more. Perhaps because that one word held all possibilities that he could’ve taken but chose not to. The thought of hurting more than you already are baffles you. Just how much effect does Jaehyun holds against you? It’s frightening to think of it. His grip on you slackened. You walked away from him, but before you could open the door, you swear you heard him say the word ‘sorry’.

—

He’s certain you didn’t hear the words, he made sure of that. But as you tensed before opening the door made him realized that he was wrong. You heard it. He never felt so stupid as he did now.

Sorry. Sorry for what? For treating you like you didn’t matter to him? Sorry because you walked in on him devouring the lips of this unknown girl who seems too eager to have a piece of him? You could hide the pain in your eyes to the world, but not to him. He heard you entering his office and instead of pushing the girl away and give himself up to you, he chose to grab her waist and her breast like his life depended on it— he kissed her with enough hunger to make you recoil. And you did— with trembling hands that led to the coffee mugs crashing on the floor.

It wasn’t a simple shock of what you saw, it was also the shattering of your hopes, he saw it in your eyes. He wanted to run, hug you, beg for your forgiveness, but his feet wouldn’t move. It was locked up on the floors like how his promise to himself was locked up inside him; that is to keep you safe.

That night, he laid on his bed awake, no alcohols running in his blood. His thoughts were clear and they were all about you. How your lips trembled as you asked them if they still needed anything from you. You might have not realized that he saw the unshed tears behind your smiles, but he did. He felt sick to his stomach remembering how painful your smile was. He felt sick to know that it’s all because of him.

The pain was almost unbearable, if not for the thought that he’s hurting you for your own good. He closed his eyes then, remembering the words of the Almighty before He casted him out of heaven to fall into the abyss.

“Thou shall bear a love for one soul in a thousand faces— and suffer as the face cease to exist but the soul, perpetually.”

Do you belong to the faces? He didn’t want to know. He’d lose his mind if you were. The thought of you wasting away like Aurora made every fiber of his being to convulse in utter fury. It couldn’t be. You couldn’t be. Yet what power does he have against the will of his Creator? None. So he closed his eyes, letting the sleep to pull him under, forgetting all the troubles of his reality behind.

“Aurora?”

This is a dream. He knew it the moment he opened his eyes to a lake, surrounded by wildflowers and butterflies. At the edge of the lake’s mouth stood a woman he knows too well like the back of his hand.

“My love,” she called out, voice like the lullabies of the angel in the heavens. Black hair, blue eyes— it was indeed his lover. Jaehyun could feel his heart beating loudly against his chest with every step he takes towards the girl he loved for more than a century now.

“You’re alive,” He knows she’s not. But she feels so real that he’s afraid his realities might be slipping away from him. The woman smiled. She never changed one bit.

“I am always alive, my love.” She stretched out her hand to him, he took it gladly, placing it on his chest where his heart is located.

“Here. You are always alive.” He smiled. How unusual it was to feel his lips stretch into a smile, his skin feels tight and the feeling is unfamiliar.

“I know it belongs to someone else now, Yuno.”

How long has it been? How long has it been since he was called by that name? The name he cherished because it was his name when she was still alive. The name he buried together with her when she died.

“My heart belongs to you, always.” He kissed her palm, pressing it lightly to his cheek after.

“It was mine. Now it’s hers.”  She softly voiced.

“What do you mean, chérie?” His heart has been pounding in his chest now, mind blank from what Aurora tries to tell him.

“Have courage, my love. It is our destiny.”

Jaehyun woke, gasping. He stood up and ran his hand through his hair, the sweat on his forehead sopping its strands. What the fuck was that?

It’s been a while since he dreamt of Aurora. It wasn’t always pleasant. He always dreamt about her wasting body, the jutting bones and her frailty always occupies his vision. Her kneeling and sobbing parents around her deathbed, her little sister praying to God to wake her up. All the prayers and the cries that resulted to nothing; it all comes crashing down on him whenever he closes his eyes.

It is our destiny. She said the words again. He could hear her over and over in his mind, trying to convince him that no one could stand against the will of God. But he refused to believe it. He was never going to believe it. It was one thing to punish him, it is another thing to punish someone because of him. Yet Aurora unfailingly saw the punishment as her blessing. She was always a pious lady— never missing any mass, befriended all the priests, always praying whenever she went. She never once took it as a burden. If that is the will of God, who am I to refuse Him? She always told him. Not a trace of disbelief or horror in her pretty face. She embraced her destiny like how mothers embraces their newborn child.

Are you not happy that my soul would never die? She asked him once. How could he rejoice from that fact? How could he rejoice when the love of his life was destined to die, but her soul? How could he touch an intangible thing such as a person’s soul? How could he hold it? He wasn’t happy. It was Aurora that he wanted and he never wanted so much in his life before her.

What is a hundred years compared to your lifetime? He remembered her asking. It was too much. How could he wait for someone he could fall in love with after hundreds of years if it’s not going to be Aurora at the end of the century? Why does he need to fall in love over and over again just to be left broken in the end? It is your punishment, traitor. The voice inside him whispered with enough obloquy to make him wince.

It was foolish of him to expect that his retribution won’t kick him in his guts again. He was so careful— so careful not to fall in love a second time. He guarded his heart with glacial ice that no one could melt. He guarded it with the love he shared with Aurora. Yet you came and went crashing down on the ice. You came, slowly infiltrating the love he kept for Aurora only. His heart is as jagged as his soul, it is a rotten thing but it’s all that he could offer you. He’d willingly give it you if it weren’t for the odds.

—

The mountain of Sagada nestled in a valley at the upper end of the Malitep tributary some half kilometers in the Central Cordillera Mountains. The guides who are usually called as Kankanaey welcomed the three of you with warm smiles.

It’s more than half an hour since you arrived and registered at the Municipal Tourism office located in the municipal hall. Various groups of friends and families registered alongside the three of you. The Kankanaey introduced Sagada as a well-known place for recreational activities such as hiking, camping, exploring caves and waterfalls and joining tribal gatherings.

You personally feel elevated to travel the famous waterfalls and caves as well as the hanging coffins as introduced by the Kankanaey. It’s been awhile since you’ve done something such as hiking a mountain. You almost felt thankful for Yuta for inviting you in. Soojin couldn’t keep her DSLR since you started the hiking— you could only assume that she has so much images to keep as memories now.

Sagada Mountains did not disappoint. Your first destination was the Bokong waterfalls near the town center. The falling waters from it gave you the refreshment your mind deserves. Jaehyun still lingers in your mind; you wonder about his well-being, about what he’s doing, eating, whether he’s stressed-out and needed a hand. But you try not to dwell in those thoughts as you stepped in the beauty of the mountain. This adventure would be in vain if you fail to clear your mind from all the heartbreaks.

Yuta decided that you should stay for two nights and three days to appreciate the view of Sagada in the gloaming. Many mountain people have told you that the skies at the peak of the mountain stretched out like clouds of cotton as the sun rise. The view would be a spectacle to behold, it would be a shame not to witness it.

“… later,”

You heard Yuta whispered to nowhere as you trailed the rocky path of the mountain, tha hanging coffins visible in the distance. Who was he talking to? It was a whisper but you’re certain you heard him talked. Soojin and the others trails ahead of you, hands in her camera.

“You alright?” You asked Yuta with concern. The Kankanaey didn’t say anything about ghosts nor elementals roaming the mountains— did Yuta see one?

He was quick to blink and shook his head at you, like a dog shaking off the waters in its fur. “Yes, let’s go?” He laid out his palms to welcome you to the path. You shrugged your thoughts away and hurried to match Soojin’s strides.

Before going into your own guest house near the mountains, there was a tribal gathering you attended first. It was relaxing to familiarized yourself to different cultures other than yours, it reminded you of the life outside of work and responsibilities. You wished that you brought Yuqi with you, but her inability to do challenging abilities prohibited her in joining the mountain hike. Nevertheless, she promised to take her meds and she also invited her classmate to accompany her in the days that you’ll be gone.

“I need a shower,” Soojin declared as she laid down her duffel bag on the mattress. The both of you shares a room, leaving Yuta alone in the other bedroom across from yours.

You decided to cook something for dinner while Soojin cleans herself. Yuta offered to help you. The air between the two of you wasn’t as awkward as it was when he came back from Japan, it was bearable. He does not ask you about Jaehyun, which makes you wonder whether he’s already noticed the truth and decided to shrug it off. Or he observed your aloofness from the topic of relationship that’s why he doesn’t bug you about your ‘boyfriend’. Either way, you were thankful to not hear Jaehyun’s name being uttered by anyone. It’s nice to have this little vacation to yourself and with your friends.

After the dinner, you cleaned yourself and joined Yuta and Soojin as they drink in the veranda.

“The air’s so refreshing,” Soojin muttered as she took a swig on her own bottle. The air was cold, but it’s not unpleasant to the skin. It was a comfortable type of cold, like the splash of water on your face in the mornings of summer.

You sat beside Soojin, opening a bottle of your own. “I wish we could come back here,” You said, looking out at the view. Tiny lights were emitted by houses, like fireflies underneath the darkness of the forest.

“I personally liked the hanging coffins,” Yuta blurted out. The hanging coffins weren’t something you’ve seen before. They were literally coffins hanging on the side of the cliff. The Kankanaey told you it is the traditional way to bury the dead during the olden days. Unfortunately today, it is not used anymore. And based from the natives, a certain requirement should be met before someone would get buried that way; he or she must have been married and had children.

“Those gave me the creeps, but it was such an incredibly unusual way of burial.” Soojin commented.

“We should really go back here,” Yuta chuckled. “And hopefully we could bring Jaehyun with us.” He looked at you, his face unreadable by the dimness of the light.

Jaehyun. Just when you thought that nobody would chant his name today. You felt Soojin’s eyes as she waited for you to say something.

“I don’t think so,” You fake laughed. “He’s such a workaholic. I bet he does not fancy adventures as this one,” You added. Yuta only nodded at you, his mouth twisting in disappointment.

“That’s a shame. He must be boring then,”

Is he taunting me? You collected your thoughts by Yuta’s comment. Your mouth opened up to what? Defend Jaehyun? Thankfully, Soojin washed the tensed atmosphere away by clearing her throat.

“I’d like to swim in their famous waterfalls, tomorrow. Could we do that?” Soojin looked at the both of you with hopeful eyes.

“If we’re still here tomorrow,” Yuta commented as he mindlessly took a swig of his bottle.

“I thought we’d stay for three days?” You asked Yuta. He stared at you as if he was caught off guard by your question, then he chuckled; a trace of nervousness could be heard from his voice.

“Yeah… I forgot.”

Forgot? Staying for three days in Sagada was the only thing Yuta talked about on the way here. According to him, you’d enjoy the wonders of the mountains if your stay would be a bit longer than the usual. It’s unexpected of him to forget that when he was the one who literally planned all of this.

“Alright! I must ready my swimsuit then. Good night!” Soojin laid her empty bottle on the table with a thud, hurrying down the hallways to your shared bedroom.

“I think we should—” You stood up, but Yuta caught your wrist, demanding you to sit down. “What is it?” You asked.

“Can we go for a walk?” He sounds pleading, that you’d feel bad to say no. So you nodded your head and gave him an encouraging smile. Maybe he wasn’t yet sleepy and he needed to unwind.

You walked the rocky trail from your guest house to nowhere, the light of the moon your only guide in the darkness. Crickets could be heard, hiding in the trees. The surroundings was eerily silent saved for the ophidian whispers of the winds slapping against the trees.

“Do you know what a fairy circle is?” Yuta asked all of a sudden. You kicked a small stone in your way before looking at him.

“I don’t. Why?” In the darkness, you’re certain you heard his little huff of relief by your answer. “Is it something ghostly? You inquired, a small chuckle reverberating in your throat.

“No. But they say it could bring you luck once you stepped on it,”

“Really? What kinds of luck?”

“Good fortune, as I’ve read.” He shrugged then added, “I saw one earlier on the way here and I thought I should show you,”

You gasped, excited. “Really? Where?” By your question, Yuta halted on his tracks, his body now pointing towards something in the darkness.

“Here.” He trudged the distance, with you trailing behind him. The light of the moon illuminated something white in the distance. “The fairy circle,” He announced as he looked at the wild mushrooms in a form of a circle on the earth. The inside of the circle wasn’t big, just enough for your two feet to step on.

“Oh! This is so cool. We should try it!” You enthusiastically tug on Yuta’s shirt like a child begging for ice cream. Yuta doesn’t share the same excitement, he was looking at you bewildered.

“Are you sure?”

You nodded, “Yep. I mean, it looks harmless. And it’s probably just a myth. But you know I love to try these kinds of things.” You widened your eyes at him in amusement, “So, how should I do it? Do I step inside and close my palms together as if I’m wishing?” You chuckled, your blood rising jovially.

Yuta seemed to decide about something, then he closed his eyes as if to release some tension. Is he afraid? The thought made you chuckle. But then he opened his eyes and told you that you needed to step inside the circle and wish.

“Okay! I wish Soojin’s with us…” You frowned but stepped in the circle nonetheless. “I wish that—”

Everything seemed to swirl the moment you said the words. Yuta slowly becoming a blur beside you. You couldn’t stop but spin on the same spot, making your head hurt and your stomach to churn.

“Yuta!” You called out. There wasn’t an answer to your plea but little voices that seems to be laughing at you. What is happening? The sharp and painful stomping of your heart only adds to your anxiety. The world that you knew seems so far away— feels so far away as you spin and spin into nothingness. Into the bluriness of darkness.

You called out for Yuta, begging to be heard. But all seems to fade now— the copse of trees, the sound of the crickets, your voice as you shout for Yuta’s name— they were all gone and all that you could hear was the merriment of the little voices as you plunged into the abyss.

You fell with a thud; a cloud of dust rising all around you as you plummeted into the earth. Your clothes are dusty, you feel your bun loosing its grip on your hair. There was the sound of fire crackling, you opened your eyes.

Creatures loomed around you, their faces monstrous and unique. Some of them have blue skin, some of them has thorns, has spindly limbs, claws instead of fingers. Some of them looked as if they came from the deepest parts of the ocean, some looked half-human and half-animal. They were all dancing around the fire, around you. It took you a second to realized that they’re currently having a fête.

What cosplay world is this? You searched around for anything familiar. There was none. Your vision are full of singing and dancing creatures. The memory of you spinning after you stepped into the fairy ring comes rushing back like a splash of wave against the boulders of rock along the shore.

You stood up, legs trembling from the impact of your collision in the ground. The music slowly receded as a figure slowly emerges from behind the crowd, parting the creatures in her every step.

A woman. With a crown atop her head. She’s wearing an elaborative gown of a champagne color. Her cleavage proudly showing. Veins and twigs hugs her gown— with red flowers adoring the silk. The queen. When she spoke, everyone shushed as well as your heart. “My dearest fairies of this realm, I welcome you to the night that we have all been waiting for. Lay all your troubles behind, let us all dance and sing!” She raised her hands in the air, and the creatures around you all rejoiced.

You feel yourself getting smaller and smaller by their lack of concern towards you. But it was short-lived as the woman stared at you like you’re the most delicious meal she’s ever going to taste. “Oh, what an interesting creature,” Her voice was sultry as she continues to speak, “Welcome to the lands of the fairie, Y/N.”

Everyone shouts, different tones of voices— some were tiny, some sounded like they came from the darkest of the cave, some ethereal. But all of them, despite their varieties in tones, they still sent shivers down your spine. They are not human. They are nothing like you.

“Silence!”

The voice didn’t come from the queen. It came from behind you. Everyone seemed to shut their mouths as yet another figure emerged from the crowd. She wasn’t anything like the queen. The woman who appeared from the crowd holds a branch of tree as her walking stick. Her back has been bent because of old age and she’s wearing a simple brown hood— nothing special. There were no jewelries adorning her body. She reminded you a lot like the old woman in Snow White. And she’s walking straight towards you, eyes boring into yours.

You wanted to run, but where would you go? The shock absorbed all your strength. You couldn’t even scream as she stood in front of you. You fell on your butt to the ground, the old woman towering over you— while the heat of the fire felt so near against your back. No matter what you did, you couldn’t look away at her black irises— so stark against the burning fire behind you.

Her rough hands grasp your cheek, scanning your face for anything, for something. Then her eyes widened, real fear reflected in her orbs. She was scornful as she looked at the Queen, still grasping your cheek, her nails digging in your skin.

“You are a fool, girl.” She spat, eyes blazing with horror.

The Queen doesn’t seem to know what the old woman was trying to convey, she only looked bored. “Yuta, bring your aunt into her own chambers. She is ruining the night for everyone.” She rolled her eyes.

Yuta? He’s not the Yuta you know, right? A man with white hair emerges from behind the Queen. His ears are pointed, and he looks as if he’s shining. He’s beautiful. And he’s indeed Nakamoto Yuta. If you could sink further into the ground, you would. You couldn’t feel your knees, you couldn’t even stand. He’s looking at you apologetically; a silent sorry for what he did to you.

“Yuta,” You were surprised to hear your own voice, no matter how dry it sounded. He walked towards the old woman, not bothering to look at you.

“Yuta, wait!” You scrambled to your feet, but you couldn’t stand, so you crawled towards him— tugging on his clothes. Everything about him screams royalty that it feels wrong to touch him somehow. “Where am I? What is this?” You begged. But he held your hand and slowly pushed you away from him. “Just trust me, Y/N.” He said.

You stare at him, dumbfounded. How could you trust him when it was clear he’s the reason why you’re here? Before Yuta could drag the old woman away from the crowd, she said something to the Queen; shadow of fear was painted on her face as she heard the words.

“You have not realized it yet, but you already brought the wrath of the Fallen into your own kingdom.” Then she stomped far away from the fête, with Yuta trailing behind her.

—

Something is not right, Jaehyun thought. It’s already eight in the morning yet you still haven’t arrived. There’s still no sound of the door creaking open, there’s still no aroma of the coffee infiltrating the air around him. There’s still no trace of you.

Jaehyun massaged his temple, temper rising like the documents on his table. It’s unusual of you to be late. He wanted to calm down and let his mind relax for a bit, but the documents scattered on the floor stands as a proof of him failing to do so. You’re supposed to be back from your mountain hiking— the mere thought of it plus the fact that you spent your little vacation with that fae prince made his blood boil— but you’re still not around after three days. He’s lost count of the times he’d glanced on his phone for a text message. He’s lost count of the times he attempted to call your number just to ask whether you’re alright.

He stood up, hands on his waist. He needed to fucking breathe or else he’d lose it. Where the fuck are you, Y/N? Not seeing your face for three days almost drove him insane. Not to mention the fact that in those miserable days, you were with Yuta. If he could follow you just to make sure Yuta won’t lay a single finger on you, he absolutely would. But he knew it’s best to leave you alone to have your time to think, to heal.

The tall buildings outside of his own seems to blur by thoughts of you, he couldn’t think about anything else other than your well-being. Where are you, what are you doing, are you sick, do you need a break. Come fucking on, Y/N. Just one message. But it’s been three hours since he arrived in the building, still, there wasn’t a single message from you.

He doesn’t even know why is he so unnerved today. This day has been the worst of those three days without you. Perhaps because he’d expected to see your pretty face first thing in the morning, waiting for him patiently on your table.

He couldn’t do this. No. He feels like he might burst sooner or later if he’d make no move to know about your wellfare. So he dialed the front desk and requested for your friend, Soojin. She arrived moments later. And if she isn’t the human embodiment of mess, who is?

Jaehyun blinked at the sight of her. Soojin’s hair was tied in a neat bun, her lips red from a lipstick, but if you’d look closely, fatigue circles her eyes and there’s restlessness by the way that she carries herself. Her current appearance gave Jaehyun an ominous feeling.

“Good morning, Sir. You requested for me?” Even her voice sounded tired. Something is entirely wrong.

Jaehyun cleared his throat, careful not to push the woman in front of him since she looks like she’s about to cry. “Where is Y/N?”

At his question, Soojin covered her face with her hands and began sobbing her heart out. Jaehyun’s jaw twitched as his chest constricted by different thoughts of what possibly happened to you. The woman cried for a good three minutes before she gathered herself and answered. “I… we… don’t have any idea— one moment they were with me, then they were gone.”

“They?” He squinted his eyes.

“Yes. I… I went to sleep first. And I left them— Yuta and Y/N— then they’re gone the next day.”

The mention of Yuta’s name made Jaehyun curl his fingers closed. That bastard. He’s got a bad feeling about where they went— or worse, where Yuta took Y/N with him. He would applaud the audacity of that fae bastard if it wasn’t for the fact that every fiber of his being are being woken up by something he’s completely familiar with; fury.

“Can you write?” He asked Soojin, the girl nodded yes. She slumped on the seat in front of Jaehyun’s office table. “Write all the exact location of the places you went to.” He commanded. Soojin wrote it down without question. The list wasn’t long, which makes the tracing easier to accomplish. Jaehyun told Soojin to go home and get enough rest, since the girl badly needed it. She bowed and then left the office.

He wasted no time to dial Chaelin’s number, the piece of paper crumpled in between his fingers. “Dispatch someone to the location I’m going to send you,” He said as a greeting.

“What’s going on?” The woman inquired.

“Search all the premises. For anything. I need to make sure Yuta took Y/N to the Fairie lands.” He breathed, his patience thinning. He could go straight to the realm of the Fairies but there’s too much to risk— his every step and plan needs reckoning.

“Isn’t Yuta the fairie bastard you told me to take care of?”

“Yes.”

Chaelin groaned, “That faerie prince won’t listen to me. He stated that he doesn’t care whether it’s Lucifer’s line he’s crossing as long as he’d be together with Y/N, forever.”

Jaehyun’s grip on the phone tightened. In his long life of living in the Earth, this is the first time a mere faerie prince neglected him. “Let’s see how far his impudence would take him once I destroy their kingdom.”

—

“We mustn’t let him enter the Fairie realms alone,” Chaelin leaned on the table in Doyoung’s library as she finished informing them about what Jaehyun told him on the phone. She already sent him a picture the fairy ring that was found by Lucas and Jeno near the guest house they had stayed in.

Jaehyun’s response was unpleasant; the call was muffled by cursing and threats that she needed to cut off before Jaehyun could lose his temper completely. The mere fact that a fairie prince dared cross Jaehyun doesn’t really surprised Chaelin— there were kings back then who tried Jaehyun, and all their kingdoms crumbled to dust before their eyes— what baffles her right now is the way how he reacted by your disappearance. For all the years that she’s known Jaehyun, she’s never seen him so disoriented. He always laid out plans in pristine order. He always carries himself neatly even during a war. But right now, it’s different. He’s different because of you.

“Why? It’s not like he’s gonna get himself killed.” Taeyong shrugged as he slumped on the sofa near Chaelin, staring at the ceiling as if to stretch his neck.

Chaelin breathed a sigh of frustration. It seems like she’s the only one who’s actually afraid about Jaehyun’s threat. “Yes. He won’t. But he’s gonna get every fairie annihilated in a blink,”

“That would be beneficial for us, don’t you think?” Taeyong let out a groan, stretching his limbs as he tries to close his eyes.

“Can you hear yourself right now Taeyong? The destruction of the Fairies would disturb the balance of Netherworld.” Doyoung chided in. And it seems like the three of them were the only people who’s actually interested to the discussion.

“Since when did they consider themselves as netherworlders?” Taeyong opened his one eye, the red of his irises gleaming on the bright lights provided both by artificial lightings and moonlight.

Chaelin massaged her temple, the discussion suddenly felt like boulders of rocks on her back. “They don’t. But it’s a fact they’re one of us.” She sighed, “and what do you think Jaehyun would do once he’s in there? Shake hands with the Queen?”

“I think… he would call upon the horsemen.” Kun commented, a vampire in Taeyong’s clan. Fucking finally, Chaelin whispered. Someone other than her seemed to listen.

“I don’t know guys, but I don’t think Jaehyun is that impulsive?” Taeil looked at each of them, brows shot up to his forehead. He’s also a warlock like Doyoung.

Then Xiaojun, a vampire under Taeyong’s clan chimed in, “Yeah. I mean, it’s not like it’s Aurora who’s kidnapped by the Fae. It’s Y/N. She’s another topic. And I don’t think Jaehyun would risk wrecking havoc in the Fairie realms to get her back.”

“I would.” Jaehyun said, entering the library with a bud of cigarette pressed between his lips. With his hair disheveled and his tie hanging loosely on his neck, he pinned them down with a stare. “So you fuckers better decide now, or else I’ll go there alone. And I’m telling you it’s not going to be pleasant.” He crashed his cigarette against the table, scorching the wood as he did so. Chaelin believed the ember wasn’t because of the cigarette only— it also came from Jaehyun’s fingers.

“I won’t risk my changelings, Jaehyun.” Taeyong said, still slumped into the sofa like sloth.

Jaehyun whirled on him, “What the fuck are they here for then? They need to grow some balls, Taeyong.”

It wasn’t normal of Jaehyun to talk the younger ones down. Chaelin realized the fact of you alone and helpless in the Fairie realms ignited something inside Jaehyun which resulted to his attitude towards them.

“Jaehyun, we’re aware that you’re frustrated. But we won’t achieve nothing if you keep being a dick.” Chaelin stated, careful with her tones.

Jaehyun spun around, “And some of us need to fucking check if they have one.” Then stopped at Taeyong’s direction.

Taeyong sprung up from his seat and seethed, “Watch it.” He told Jaehyun. And they both stared each other down.

“Don’t you dare look at me that way, Taeyong.” Jaehyun sounded like he’s talking to a child. His ancient glory towering over Taeyong. Chaelin sighed from the sight.

“While the two of you are bickering about your masculinity, the Fae could be doing nasty fairie stuff with Y/N.” Doyoung sounded tired, “We need to plan! If Taeyong doesn’t want his changelings involved, let him! For fuck’s sake Jaehyun, you alone could get Y/N back. What more if we’re with you? We don’t have to bring everyone.”

Taeyong was the first one to break the tensed atmosphere by sighing and clapping Jaehyun at his back. The latter ran a hand through his hair, a dispirited sigh leaving his lips.

“When do we leave?” Ten, a warlock, emerges from behind the stacks of books. Chaelin didn’t know he was with them all along.

“At dawn.” They aren’t words, they are an order. A command from Lucifer.

[she-who-the-river-could-not-hold]

#100daysofwriting | day 001

project created by @the-wip-project to encourage writers to talk about their work and to share their progress!

Well let’s see how this challenge goes! I already have a bad habit of blowing off things that I work hard on, constantly concerned with being too confident about skills that aren’t actually ones I have (oh hi there imposter syndrome). Writing is also definitely something I do with this. And even though I’m one of the first to tell you that fanfiction is absolutely a valid form of writing, sometimes I wonder if this fear is an extension of the strange stigma around writing fanfic. I don’t know entirely. But maybe by the end of 100 days (or however many I’m able to accomplish), I’ll figure it out. 

Depending on what’s going on in my life, I might compile multiple days together but I’ll definitely try to aim for each day to get its own post! And since I try to usually write a little bit every day I’ll probably include that in each one as well. I know that this can be flexible and rough but it wouldn’t be me if I didn’t try overly hard to stylize it for myself. 

Fic(s) Worked On Today + Thoughts: 

Bellarke, Chilling Adventures of Sabrina AU

After taking the long weekend off from writing it felt good to dive back into it! Though I’m coming to the unnerving conclusion that this oneshot could easily become a multi-chapter. I’d rather it didn’t, so I think I’ll keep writing it as if it’s going to stay a oneshot and then just see how long it ends up becoming. I don’t personally mind really long oneshots but I do tend to think that a lot of other people don’t. 

It’s continually putting me in the mood for Halloween, which isn’t new for me, but it’s making me extra anxious for my favorite time of year! Which I suppose is a good thing in terms of the fic achieving the feel that I want it to have

I always feel a bit strange writing strictly modern AUs so I’m thankful that this one has such a heavy theme to mix it up, but I eventually need to fix that issue since I have a couple other modern ones to write still 

Bellarke, Belated @troped-fanfic-challenge​ fic – Conclave Challenge

Okay this was primarily me rereading it and seeing what I think of it. Luckily I still like it and I’m going to keep writing it!

It’s inspired by AC: Valhalla so now with not having to worry about the word count, I can obsess about world building without fear of going too far over 10k words!

Tbh my main goal is to just see if I can keep up with this for a month. And then maybe by then it’ll be a habit? Either way, I have a lot to write so hopefully this will help me along the way!

link to my ao3 | masterlist of these posts

[soldouthaz]

hi!! these past few months i’ve gotten several asks about all different parts of my writing process and i thought i’d go ahead and make a full post that i can refer people back to in the future! with the fests coming up as well hopefully it may help someone because i know i always love reading about author’s processes! feel free to let me know if i’ve forgotten anything :) 

DISCLAIMER: this is MY writing process. these are my own opinions and maybe not methods that will work blanketly for everyone. writing is different for every person and you should always do what works best for you personally! 

this post will be split into four parts - before, during, after, and other tips and things to remember :)

inspiration & idea 

this is typically either the easiest or the absolute most difficult part of writing a fic. sometimes you begin with an exact idea and other times you want to write but have no idea where to start. personally i tend to draw inspiration from a few places in particular. writing prompt and dialogue blogs, although sometimes a bit cliche, are a huge help when trying to come up with ideas for scenes and outlines. these are some good ones – here, here, and here if you need some inspiration! pinterest and weheartit are also great places to search for inspiration both before or after you’ve settled on an idea. find an aesthetic you like and base the characters around it, do some world-building, create folders for your characters - this is a good place to reference back to while you’re writing! at this point i just try to pick something that i feel like ‘calls to me’ and leave the rest for later. the last avenue that i use to think of fic ideas is real life. i think of small things that have happened to me or to someone i know and make them much more dramatic and layered. add in some fluff or angst or whatever aspect fits and usually a storyline begins to carve itself!

outline 

once you have an idea, making an outline can help you figure out if it’s going to work for you or not. nailing down the important details and plot points before you begin writing is crucial so that you have a purpose to your scenes, so that things don’t feel repetitive or pointless. when i outline i tend to organize by word count. for instance, by the 5k mark let’s say i’d like to already have established what character A does for a living and some of their interests, and i’d like character B to be vaguely introduced. by 10k i’d like the characters to have formed a friendship and for the conflict to have been introduced, so on and so forth. the plot spacing may differ based on the goal word count for a fic (do things happen quickly or is it a slow burn? etc.). 

next I make a tentative timeline for the fic. I have to give myself sufficient time to plan and to write without rushing myself, but also make it reasonable enough that i can still look forward to it! writing takes different amounts of time for different people, but the more you write the more you’ll be able to estimate how long a certain word count is going to take you to complete. also, as far as advice goes, decide if you’re going to write everything and publish at once or if you’re going to upload weekly chapters, etc. i strongly recommend publishing a full work at once. typically people shy away from unfinished works and it can be very disheartening when there are almost no reads. publishing all at once will raise the chances of your fic being read and shared and will also help you as a writer not to make mistakes because you are able to go back and fix/edit certain plot points as you write. 

organization 

if you have more than one wip at a time, it can be really helpful to have some sort of organization in place. i write primarily in google docs, so i have one master doc with all of my wip information inside of it. i use a numbered chart (the docs themselves are titled with numbers only and correspond to the number in the chart) that has the tentative title, the goal word count, the current word count, which pov i plan to write from, and an estimated posting date. you can also limit the number of wips you have this way.once a work is published i move it from my wip list to my completed list, with the title, the final word count, and a link to the posted story. this part is optional, it just helps me to be able to see all of it in one place. i’ve found this method to be much more helpful than just making random notes on my phone that i forget about within the hour!

research 

depending on the topic of your fic and the setting, you may need to do some research beforehand. if it’s historical, I brush up on the history of it and watch some films or read some books about the time period to get a feel for the vernacular and style, etc.. if the protagonist has a job i’m unfamiliar with I search up what they do, how much they make, where they work, and things like that. it’s unlikely that someone is going to fact check every little thing, but accuracy when it comes to these topics is very admirable and i feel like it really adds a lot of depth and authenticity to a fic. 

another fun activity for this portion of planning is designing the characters. i try to do this for a lot of mine and experiment with personality traits, quirks, and appearances, and to create a character that feels layered as opposed to just surface level. it’s fun for me to figure out their morals and motives and opinions and to play around with those and see if they can be changed throughout the course of the story. an interesting activity here is to take personality tests from what you think they would answer about themselves! then, even if only subconsciously, your character now has interests and hobbies and feels more real, which will definitely show through when you write. there are some for you to take here, here, here, and here, and this is also a good resource.

atmosphere 

(meaning in real life, not the setting of a fic). i tend to produce what i feel is my best work at night, after dinner when i have nothing else to do for the day and i can just relax. having a designated time and space to write really helps with motivation and focus, and can be the difference in accomplishing your time goals for the fic. feel free to try different things like adding music while you write (i write with headphones in and music blasting!) and adjust your surroundings to your liking. put on noise cancelling headphones, stop the clock that keeps ticking in the background or turn up the floor fan to drown other things out, or play some ambience videos from youtube to help you focus. whatever works! sometimes i also create playlists for my fics that i listen to while writing them which can add some more depth to the story too! being comfortable and not distracted are my two main requirements. also, unless it’s for music or research purposes, i would suggest distancing a bit from your phone as well!

word vomit 

this is one of the most frustrating parts of writing but i can’t explain how many times it’s helped me, especially when i’m trying to reach a certain word count. i like to do an exercise when i don’t know what to write or i just have a vague idea where i sit down and just write. i don’t let myself backspace anything (unless it’s a small typo or something minor like that) and i just see where i end up. the reason why this is so helpful is because a lot of times subconsciously our brains already have some kind of idea of a direction to go in or what should be included. though this rough draft almost never makes it into my final piece and frankly doesn’t make much sense, i’m able to go back and read over it and think oh! that’s a good point, i can also write about [random plot point] here! as i think of it.

dialogue 

the very first part of a scene that i write is the dialogue. personally i find it the easiest, and it helps me make a skeleton of a scene where i only have to fill in the descriptions in between. most of the time getting the dialogue written can help to visualize a scene and make conversation flow easily when you aren’t distracted with everything else going on in the scene. a lot of times if you’re focused on what a background character is doing the actual speaking may end up choppy or not make sense when you’re finished with it, which is usually my issue. this method is a good idea to use if you find yourself stuck on a scene or if you don’t know what you want the setting to be yet. if the dialogue you wrote doesn’t fit just right once you’ve added in the rest of the scene, you can always alter it to your liking.

taking breaks 

this is the key to staying motivated for me. if i push myself too hard or write for too long i get frustrated and struggle to keep the flow going. it’s important to take a break when that happens because it becomes very obvious in your writing when you aren’t inspired. you’re more likely to take the easy way out of conflicts and dialogue and it could completely change the tone of the fic. by this i don’t mean procrastinate writing, but definitely make sure not to over-write. writing should be fun, not stressful.

similar fics 

this step is 100% optional, but i find that it really helps me. when i read other author’s fics and i get inspired, the scene really sticks in my brain. to avoid accidentally copying someone’s ideas from their own fic, if i know that i’m writing something similar, i avoid reading any fic with a similar premise during the entire writing process. even if i think i won’t, often times i’ll subconsciously mirror a scene or a piece of dialogue from another fic without meaning to. this is definitely something to look for when you’re reading it back over!

balanced elements 

this step really just depends on the type of fic i’m going for, but i’ve found that fics with some balance to them tend to do better than others. by this i mean fics that have a little of each important element like angst, fluff, smut, etc.. of course, this differs from fic to fic depending on the plot. if it’s a pwp, obviously the main element will be smut. if it’s got some heavy topics in it it may be primarily angst, or a holiday fic might be just fluff. all of these are okay on their own but it’s super easy to mix them together to create more realistic scenes and meaningful emotion in the dialogue. in a pwp i try to add some back story into it, something a little angsty or that gives the smut more meaning than just surface level (unless of course that’s what you’re going for!). on the flip side, you could take a really fluffy fic and at some smutty elements that enhance the love-y feelings from the fluff. even fluff/angst might be fun to explore! my point is that realistically we feel many emotions at once, all the time. when i write one alone my writing often feels like it falls flat and my message/theme doesn’t come across the way that i want it to.

resources 

there is a list of resources and links at the bottom of this post that may help during the writing process! they are ones that I have saved to look back at when I get stuck!

read it over 

this is my least favorite step. at this point, once i’ve finished the fic, i just want to post it as-is. i don’t feel like reading it over or doing edits - i just want to be finished with it. the benefits outweigh my dislike of it though, so i make myself do it anyway. it’s necessary (for me) to take a short break between when i finish it and when i read it over so that i can look at it with fresh eyes, just a day or two at least. the most important advice that i can give here would probably be not to delete anything you don’t like immediately. almost 100% of the time something can be re-written without being deleted, so if you don’t like the way a sentence is structured or the way a character speaks in a certain scene, don’t delete it! just see if you can rewrite it to model what you’re going for better. this step helps me to stay above my goal word count and not to let my insecurity get the best of me. everybody is their own worst critic, but usually there’s a reason you wrote something down, so give it every chance before you get rid of it altogether. i wrote about this here as well.

beta’s 

i’m going to link to another post i answered about betas here!

choosing a title 

when it’s time to choose a title for a fic i usually pick from one of four places. the first is a catchphrase from the fic. if there’s a recurring theme or nickname or description, it may be a good idea to title it the same thing so that readers will connect the title with that detail and remember it more easily in the future. the second place is from a song. there’s a lyric for nearly every different message and emotion, so there’s a high chance of being able to find one that goes hand-in-hand with a fic. the third place i look is in poems. i’m personally a big fan of lang leav, michael faudet, and bukowski, among others, and poetry usually also features a wide range of themes to choose from. the last idea i resort to when i can’t come up with anything else, which is to take a word that you feel represents the fic and translate it into another language like french or spanish, among others, or pick a word that has a meaning that corresponds with the fic. although there are no right or wrong titles, i would suggest to try not to pick a title that’s been used a lot already, or one that you think might be easily forgettable. even if you think it might be odd or not typical, people are going to remember it much more than if it’d just been a regular title.

choosing a summary 

this step is also kind of hit or miss for me! either i know from the beginning what i want my summary to be or i struggle up until the last second trying to come up with one. there isn’t really a right or wrong summary – except for one. my advice here is please, please don’t just put ‘i suck at summaries! just read it!’. people tend to gravitate toward fics if the author seems confident in their own abilities as opposed to someone quite literally pleading with them to read. other than that, there are several types of summaries that i see a lot of. personally i like to use a snippet from my fics in italics, so that people can get a feel of what my writing style is like beforehand. when i write drabbles though, i usually come up with a quick, occasionally witty tidbit of a summary to grab people’s attention. for example: 

a longer fic summary

Harry Styles takes his time coming out to greet them. Louis only knows what he’s seen on file and what he’s heard them talking about, but he fully lives up to the image he had inside of his head. 

He saunters down the front steps of the farmhouse in his Levi’s, brown snakeskin boots curving out from underneath the denim Louis’ sure he had specially made. He’s got on a plaid button-down tucked into the jeans because of course he does, curls spilling out from either side of his cowboy hat around his sunglasses and country-tan skin. 

“Harry Styles,” he drawls, extending a hand to Louis’ manager, “Pleased to meet ya’ll.” 

(from my fic baby blue)

+

a shorter fic summary

there is little harry hates more than truth or dare. 

and louis. 

(from my fic like it’s a game)

+

and sometimes people use both as well, like this one from @falsegoodnight​ ‘s fic, before we knew – 

“C’mon Lou,” says Zayn after a moment, He sounds even more exasperated than before. Louis sort of has a knack for exasperating people, especially people like Zayn who aren’t usually bothered by his brattiness. “Can’t you give this guy a chance? Harry Styles? Aren’t you curious about him at all?” 

Despite his best efforts, Louis still flinches at the name. He really shouldn’t be so affected after all these years. He’s seen the name printed down the curve of his waist in obnoxiously and uncommonly large loopy letters every single day since his sixteenth birthday eight years ago. He’s very familiar with the name Harry Styles. It sounds pretentious and Louis hates it. He hates everything about his supposed soulmate. He hates his large handwriting that stands out like a claim on his skin whenever he’s walking around shirtless. He hates his pretentious name. And now he hates his supposed curls and green eyes and dimples. 

- 

Or Louis has been skeptical of soulmates for years so it seems like fate when he finally bumps into the owner of the obnoxiously large signature printed into his skin since age sixteen: Harry Styles, a human rights attorney who is firmly against soulmates.

+

and this link has some other ideas and tips for writing summaries that I found to be very helpful! 

posting a fic 

as far as tags and ratings go, THIS PART IS IMPORTANT! all of the steps are in one way or another, but this one is crucial that it’s done correctly. warnings and tags can absolutely make or break a fic. people tend to have very strong preferences when it comes to fics so i try to be as specific as possible without giving the entire story away in the tags. if you’re afraid of doing that, you can always put the full warnings in the note before the fic and tell people to check there before reading. i won’t list all of the possible triggers here but be sure to look those up if you are unfamiliar with some of the common ones. when it comes to tags, you’re always better safe than sorry! i like to tell people they’re free to message me and ask about something if they’re uncomfortable as well, so i can explain the trigger to them and why i tagged it that way and they can decide if they’d like to read based on a more informed basis. tagging correctly saves many people from being blindsided by something they didn’t want to see, and it also protects the author from some very angry messages about warnings.

archive of our own has an extensive support page with all of the info you could need about posting a work on their site including tags, ratings, warnings, co-authors, translations, HTML, and more. you can find it here.

as far as wattpad goes, i am definitely not as familiar with it. i have only a couple of my fics over there and a few translations that people have done for me, so my knowledge is very limited. this link seems to have some good resources for posting with them.

moodboards, graphics, covers 

i feel like the writing does most of the work itself, but a graphic can really help when it comes to the next part of the process, posting on social media. some people like to do moodboards, some people commission artists to draw for them, and some like to create their own graphics completely from scratch. like most aspects of fic, there isn’t really a right or wrong way to do this. i usually make moodboards for mine! i try to stick to an aesthetic or theme, and pick a cohesive amount of pictures to use (typically three, six, or nine so they line up nicely). the pictures i use are almost always from tumblr, pinterest, or weheartit. i put them together using an app and then put a blanket filter over all of it so that it all looks unified. if you used pinterest or weheartit to create concept boards for your idea in the beginning, now is a good time to use those photos and media as well! if you’re curious, the apps i use to create graphics, moodboards, and covers are as follows:

canva (mobile app & website) 

tons of templates to choose from as well as patterns and fonts! some things are locked unless you’re a member but most elements are free! easy to download and share and lots of options to customize and play around with. i strongly recommend the website on desktop or laptop as opposed to the mobile app so that the features are more easily accessible.

picsart (mobile app) 

when i need to make one quickly and i’m not near my laptop (or just need something simple) i use picsart to make a quick collage and put a filter over them. there are some limited text options as well but they are not as advanced as some of the others mentioned here.

photoshop express (mobile & desktop app) 

a step up from picsart, but slightly different elements. photoshop allows you to control a lot more once you know how to use it. there are some nice moodboard layouts here, as well as text and fonts, borders, and color controls. my favorite tool on here is the style transfer option under ‘effects’. a very quick and easy way to make your pictures look very cohesive!

vsco (mobile app) 

perfect for adding filters and things like vignette, grain, and fade. it also has some color controls to customize those. this is typically the last step before i post. and you can save custom presets that you like to use again!

and there are many others as well – almost all photo editing apps and software have a function that will allow you to make a collage or add text to a graphic! i know wattpad also requires a cover for their stories and I believe they have an app for that too!

here are some lovely graphics that have been made for my fics by @lovelylou​, @behisoneandonly​, @tomlinvelvet-ao3​​ and @brickredtoe​  as some examples :) 

and one that I've made as well: 

social media 

once i have a moodboard or graphic, i post the link to my fic on twitter and tumblr. in these posts i always make sure to include the title, the word count, and the summary. i try to make it as visually appealing as possibly by organizing the post accordingly and using fonts occasionally to catch people’s eye. this is the app i use for those on mobile! 

i think about the sizing as well – twitter has set dimensions for its photos and is known for displaying the photos awkwardly. tumblr on the other hand will let you upload up to ten photos of any size, and will display them fully without any cropping. according to this link a single photo on twitter should be 16:9. this page also has some good tips. and as far as i can tell if you’re using two or four photos, i would stick to the square images as that is what’s worked for me personally. i believe canva also has a template for a twitter post too.

write for yourself 

i think everyone knows this on some level but i tend to need to be reminded pretty frequently. if you’re heavily involved in social media and fic discourse, it can be very easy to get attached to what you know people want to see. writing should be a balance though, and you should always write for yourself before anyone else. we’re all free to write whatever we want and, even if it’s difficult, you shouldn’t ever let someone make you feel guilty for doing so. writing is an escape and a safe space but it can very quickly become something that causes stress and anxiety if you aren’t doing it for the right reasons.

don’t stress 

easier said than done, I know, but like I mentioned earlier, writing should be fun. a lot of people here don’t do it as their job and no one gets paid to write fics. these are projects that authors take on on their own time even while they work and handle everything else in their lives and those things should come first and foremost, as well as your mental health. this circles back into my earlier point – don’t let people make you feel guilty about anything like not finishing a fic on time or not writing exactly how they wanted it. authors are real people with real lives too and if things get to be too heavy or too stressful, they’re entitled to a break or to leave if that’s what’s best for them.

don’t be afraid to ask for help / validation 

there are tons of lovely writers in this community and others that would be more than happy to answer questions and give advice. if you’re struggling with something, there’s always somewhere to go to get help! 

however, the concept of validation is a bit trickier than the others. there’s a fine line ;) between asking for validation for a little boost, or relying completely on it. posting snippets and sneak peeks is a great way to get people excited about your work and to get yourself motivated if you’re feeling down, but i would suggest not to post one with the sole purpose of fishing for compliments. if you do, it can be very disheartening if you don’t receive any or the ones that you were looking to hear. in my opinion you need to be at least somewhat confident in your own abilities before you can expect other people to be. posting a snippet is more beneficial for when you’ve got a mental block or are stuck in a scene as opposed to just searching for validation for the sake of getting it.

cliche vs. copying 

there’s also two sides to this argument! you shouldn’t be afraid to write what you want, even if it seems like it’s a common trope or cliche topic. everybody writes in different styles and has different ideas and therefore may provide an entirely different view on what’s been poised as a ‘common’ theme. i think i could read a thousand of the ‘there was only one bed’ trope or the college au’s or the other popular plotlines. they’re popular for a reason and you shouldn’t be afraid to explore your own take on it! no one author ‘owns’ a specific trope. 

BUT there is a clear difference in doing your own take on something versus just copying what someone else has written exactly. the lines can get blurry here but it’s obvious to readers when something has been repeated word for word from another fic or when one too many elements are the same. to be on the safe side, always check to make sure that the specifics of your idea haven’t been done exactly before. 

resources 

+ masterpost of some resources 

+ how to keep readers engaged 

+ helpful tips 

+ 100 words for facial expressions 

+ how to write good villains 

+ good advice  

+ synonyms for commonly used words 

+ using metaphors and references 

+ more helpful tips 

+ descriptions

+ synonyms for ‘beautiful’ 

+ tips for dialogue 

+ writing enemies to lovers 

+ other helpful tips 

+ writing friends to lovers 

+ dystopian writing 

+ writing a realistic argument 

+ ways to cut word count 

+ how to write smut 01 * tw for body descriptions etc.  

+ how to write smut 02 

+ SUPER helpful smut vocab

+ how to write flirting 

+ how to write about grief 

+ even more helpful tips

[amandahoyle]

Camp Nano Week 1 Update

Just going to do it by weeks, since I can’t really write a lot until weekends when I have more free time. So I’ll just give weekly updates.

Word Count: Almost 10k which is halfway to my first goal. I may make the goal bigger since I’ve made a lot more progress than I expected but chapter 2 and 3 really went running and punched me in the face to write them.

I will say I’m proud. This book is from Gwyn’s pov and I don’t have a lot of scenes where he gets to be the main lead and he’s so different and so very serious but I’ve not only written him breaking down but him as a teenager. And those versions of him bring to light just how much he has on his shoulders. Also I love his reactions with Cigfran, they have such a complicated history but they are trying. Even when they get mad at each other, they still fall into old habits of caring. And that blend is so fun to write.

Here’s a little excerpt:

“At the risk to yourself….” Cigfran’s laugh held a bitterness to it that Gwyn was very familiar with.

“The risk to myself has never mattered…not once. That hasn’t changed but your concern is touching.” Cigfran pushed himself to his feet, staggering a little before finding his balance. Gwyn slowly got to his feet as well, his mismatched gaze meeting Cigfran’s amethyst one.

“It has always mattered. Not once have I wanted it to seem otherwise.”

“That’s cute. But you left me alone to run off, to run from yourself. Don’t act too concerned now for my well being. You weren’t there when I needed you and all you did is scold me. I can understand why you warned me about the fey magic and I can forgive you for not helping me with it. My anger has never been at that. But you lie and you keep your secrets and then when you are confronted with them you run. From me, from Mab, next you’ll run from Croi.” Gwyn tightened his grip on his blade but he kept the other’s gaze. He wasn’t wrong but Cigfran had never understood.

“I wouldn’t do that to him.”

“Aren’t you already? You are lying to him, just as you lied to me. Is the truth so hard? I’m trying for Croi’s sake but I won’t watch you do the same thing to him. I won’t watch you put those walls up and push him aside and run back to your wild hunt.” Cigfran stepped closer, his wings arching out in anger and annoyance. Dark eyes waiting like a predator to see what Gwyn said.

“It was never a lie. My past means nothing to me. I am not that person, I want to live my life moving forward. I have not once lied.”

“No just left out the truth. If you don’t talk about it, that is just as bad as lying. You’re past doesn’t matter? That is you lying to yourself. Your past would end all of this. Croi wouldn’t have to be doing what he is doing, if you admitted your past was important. There wouldn’t be this mess if you had stepped up.”

“And I would never have met you or Croi. I was a child, when I ran away. A scared and hurt child that you took in and you gave me more strength than I would have ever had on my own. If I had stepped up back then I would be dead and I would not be who I am. Who I might be meant to be. I am who I am because of running. Because of meeting you, because of joining the wild hunt and because of falling in love with Croi. Mab was my friend, but I know now that I didn’t love her. Even if Tatiana had not attacked us, one day I might have seen that I was making us both miserable. She was happy as Queen and she fell in love with many people in her long life.” Mab had never held it against him and he had seen her be a wife and a mother and a grandmother from a distance. He didn’t think she would have had such a wonderful life with him as she had on her own.

Taglist: @hannahs-creations @danger-writes @howdy-writes @ladywithalamp @kalihellwillhopefullywrites (please let me know if you want to be added or removed)

[livinginsunnyhell]

Ask game for fanfic writers! ⌨️🖊📓📝

1. What fandoms do you write for?

2. What pairings do you write for?

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

4. Do you write original stories as well?

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

7. What is a ship you will never write for?

8. Archive of Our Own, FanFiction.net, Wattpad, Tumblr, etc. which platform do you prefer?

9. What are your favorite fanfics?

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

12. Do you want to break your readers‘ heart or make them laugh?

13. What is your planning process?

14. What have others criticized about your fanfic?

15. OCs or no OCs?

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

18. What is your favorite writing prompt?

19. Dead or overused tropes?

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

21. What’s your shortest fanfic?

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

26. First-person-narrative or third-person-narrative?

27. Do you take requests?

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

29. What’s more difficult? Fanfics or original work?

30. What writing software do you use?

31. Do you use beta/sensitivity readers?

32. Past or present tense?

33. Do friends and family know that you write fanfics?

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

35. What is your favorite review?

36. Did you ever delete a work of yours?

37. Did your work ever get plagiarized?

38. Do you partake in any fanfic/writing events? (Big bangs, zines, NaNoWriMo, etc?)

39. Collaborations or working solo?

40. Do you have any rituals before uploading a fic?

41. What is something you don’t like about your writing?

42. Rudest review?

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

44. Does fanart of your fanfic exist?

45. Do fanfics of your fanfic exist?

46. Few long essay reviews or many short reviews?

47. What fanfic of yours is truly underrated?

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

(Don't feel obligated to answer. Thought if you're into these kinda things, that'd be a nice ask. ;))

Oh this is so nice!! Thanks for sending this @annansmith

I chose a few of them to do. 

1. What fandoms do you write for?

Currently, I’m writing for Shameless (Gallavich) but I’ve written for:

Veronica Mars (LoVe), Veep (Amy/Dan), Arrow (Oliver/Felicity), Once Upon A Time (Hook/Emma), The Old Guard (Joe/Nicky), That 70′s show (Hyde/Jackie), Sons of Anarchy (Tara/Jax), Vampire Diaries (Klaroline), Hart of Dixie (Zoe/Wade), Gilmore Girls (Rory/Jess), X-men (Rogue/Pyro), One Tree Hill (Haley/Nathan), and a few others.

2. What pairings do you write for?

Now I write Gallavich. 

But I’d say my top ones I love writing for now (my fanfiction writing has spanned about 14 years) are Dan/Amy, Veronica/Logan, Klaus/Caroline, Mickey/Ian.

3. What is your most popular fanfic?

My most popular fic on Ao3 is The Course of True Love (Arrow) and on FF Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic LoVe (Veronica Mars)

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes, I do. I’m working on a book, well, two books. But it’s going very slowly. The first is a memoir of my travels from around the world and the second is a vampire urban fantasy one. We’ll see how it goes, but I’d like to finish them by next year and see if I can get them published, but it’s hard so who knows. 

10. How do you stay motivated to finish what you’ve started?

Well, recently I’ve really been trying to finish everything I write. I have a lot of WIPs from years and years ago and even within the the last year, so this answer is pretty new. Basically, I focus on one fic at a time and write a little every day to stay motivated. Now, I try to update once a week on a certain day. I think comments/reviews and kudos and people being genuinely encouraging helps though. It’s also what’s gotten me considering finishing my older fics.

11. What’s your longest fanfic?

Of Bloodshed, Babies, and Epic Love (over 165k)

13. What is your planning process?

Now, it’s different. I have a doc of ideas and I wait to see which one I can’t seem to shake. Then I plan out each chapter with a few sentences and I have a list of things I want to focus on in the story. Usually, each story now has a kind of theme to it and a main focus. I sometimes will just want to write a certain situation/scene/focus and the story is born from there. But what really helps is writing down chapter 1, 2, etc. and having a sentence or two for what I want to happen. It doesn’t always go according to plan, but I never get writers block or forget what happened in previous chapters now.

16. Do you use sentence starters, writing prompts and/or fandom headcanons for your fanfics?

Probably a mixture of fandom (or my personal) headcanons. I don’t start with prompts unless it’s a challenge or sentence starters. Usually, I have a scene I already want to write in my head and then I sit down and write it.

17. Do you use/follow advice from writing blogs/posts?

Yes, I’ve read several books on writing. My undergrad was creative writing too, so I learned a lot there. I also follow writing instagram accounts which are helpful. I take everything I learn with a grain of salt and I see what is best for me. The best advice I heard recently was short sentences and so now I’m experimenting with that.

20. Can we get a list of all of your current available fanfics?

There’s a lot from many different fandoms. I used to be on FF.net as Psyc0gurl0 and now I’m ProstheticLoVe on a03. I like writing on ao3 better cause it’s easier and I love the tagging process. Plus the gallavich fandom on there is unreal. So to think about going back to ff.net to finish my WIPs seems like such a process now. 

Currently though, I’m writing an Ian’s POV 5 chapter fic called Chocolate. It’s not out yet, but it’ll focus on Ian from 1x06 to 1x09 or so and how his feelings for Mickey change and evolve. It’s the second part to a series called Chocolate and Cigarettes. Mickey’s POV was Cigarettes.

22. Do you listen to music during your writing process? What music do you listen to while you’re writing?

Yes, I listen while writing but I need silence while editing. I have a Love (lol) playlist. It’s basically all the love songs that remind me of couples I ship. So for example, The Acid is in there a lot because their music is great, but also Basic Instinct is so haunting. Overall, I like all music except country, so sometimes I’ll listen to my larger playlists while writing. 

23. Long chapters or short chapters?

So this has changed over the years. Initially, I wrote short chapters, then when I got back into fanfiction while writing klaroline they got a lot longer and now it’s just basically where the chapter has a natural ending. So the chapters are between 4 - 10k words depending. I try to get over 4k though. Right now, once I’m done with my current fic, I really want to write something over 100k.

24. How many WIPs (work-in-progress) do you’ve got?

A lot...none in Shameless though. Well, I guess my current one, but I haven’t posted that yet. I’d say I probs have about 10 WIPs spanning different fandoms. I know. But my goal for 2021 is to pick two and finish them. 

25. How many WIPs will you finish?

Not all of them. Some of them are from years and years ago. But I’d like to finish the ones that I still get reviews on. So there’s a SOAs fic I want to finish cause that fandom is so lovely. I also want to finish a klaroline one cause that was fun to write. And my Amy/Dan ones I’d like to finish. I would like to finish my Veronica Mars ones (I have two) but they need a lot more attention, so when people message me about them I tell them the planned ending.

28. I will name you three things (drunk Ian — shared bachelor party — Gallavich): write a paragraph or two!

“Fuck, Mickey, I probably shouldn’t have had the third Hot Toddy,” Ian grimaced as the world around him spun. 

Mickey laughed at him and wrapped an arm around his shoulders. Ian wanted to think his future husband just wanted to pull him closer, but he had a feeling it was to steady him.

“Probably should’ve cut you off earlier,” Mickey said tugging Ian closer. 

Ian wobbled and plopped down on the back steps of the porch. Mickey followed suit a moment letter and they both looked out toward the backyard where the Gallaghers, Balls, and a few of the Milkovich cousins were alternatively huddling around a fire, drinking, and dancing.

“I blame Lip for making us have this stupid shared bachelor party in the first place,” Ian grumbled.

Mickey kissed him on the forehead as Ian lay his head on his shoulder. “It’s Sandy’s fault too.”

Ian hmmed in response and Mickey knew he was going to fall asleep any moment. He ran his hand up and down Ian’s arm and watched as Debbie bounced over to them.

“Jesus, you aren’t even married yet and you two are like an old married couple. Are you going to come dance or what?” she whined.

Mickey looked down at Ian, whose eyes were already closed, and then back up to Debbie. She was watching them with knowing eyes.

“We’ll dance at the wedding. Go grab Lip, I need his help to get Sleeping Beauty upstairs.”

Debbie turned to go get her eldest brother and Mickey looked back down at Ian. In his sleep, he nuzzled Mickey’s shoulder, breathed deeply, and a gentle smile appeared there. 

3 more days and they’d officially be husbands. 

34. How did you find the magical world of fanfics?

I was about 10 and my cousin used to write a buffy the vampire slayer zine. There was a link to a site called buffyworld.com or something like that. And I found fanfic that way. There was a link on the site to ff.net and that’s how I stumbled across that. I stayed there for many many years until my second time in the veronica mars fandom around 2014 when I was lead to a03 and then I’ve been there ever since. On and off, my writing has fluctuated through the years based on my personal life.

49. Where do you draw inspiration from?

Everywhere! omg. It’s insane. Gallavich I love writing for. There’s so many different facets to them, but truly everywhere I find inspiration. I have a whole doc of gallavich ideas that have stemmed from other fanfics, headcanons from me and other people, rewatching episodes, what’s going to happen in s11, cute moments i’d like to see happen, holidays, and just general life. I saw a pic of WW2 vets who were in a long term relationship and i was like mickey and ian! another idea is born.  

[t100ficrecsblog]

an interview with @easilydistractedbyfanfic (she/they)

what are you working on right now? I don’t typically take prompts, but after finding out about the Bellarke Writers For BLM Initiative and how their goal is to raise money for BLM via various fandom prompts that are requested by readers and written & illustrated by various writers and artists, I wanted to get involved. I’ve finished two prompts and am working on my third, which is a Murphy/Raven smutfic set during their years on the Ring. It’s definitely an idea I can work with - it’s over 10k at this point with a lot more to say, so hopefully the anon who requested it will end up pleased! Go check out the tumblr page and the ao3 collection - there’s various t100 pairings/ratings and you can choose the cause if you want to request a fic!

what is the fanwork you’re most proud of? I struggled with this question! My stories are all like my kids, and even if some of them could use a bit of improvement with pacing or dialogue or whatever faults I see when they age, ultimately I do love them all and I’m glad I wrote them. I do sometimes play favorites but that often depends on what I’m in the mood to read myself. That said, I really do always feel proud of my story called What You Need. It’s a darker version of Raven & Murphy, but one that I don’t find unrealistic under the circumstances of the fic. I surprised myself with where my head went on this one. In a good way, because it was really fascinating to dive into the minds of who these particular versions of the characters were. 

I’m also pleased that I have over 500k on ao3 at this point. I never expected anything like this when I started writing, and it kind of blows my mind that this is my hobby now. It’s so strange to me that there are stories in my head at any given moment now.

why did you first start writing fic? I started writing in June 2018. Never wrote any fanfic before that, ever - though I did read plenty! I wrote three stories super fast, posted them all on ao3 on the same day and haven’t looked back. I think I started writing out of a combination of just really needing more content for my faves, but also I wasn’t in fandom before s5 and was quite desperate after s4 to talk to other people about Raven & Murphy. So I needed to get the stories out but also I had this hope that it would invite conversation when I didn’t know anyone in fandom.

what frustrates you most about fic writing? Just because I want to write doesn’t mean I can. Having prompts on my plate right now, I feel a real responsibility to finish them, but even when I carve time out to write, sometimes the words just don’t feel right. The muse doesn’t always strike when I have the time available. Also, it’s super ridiculously important to me that scenes and dialogue FEEL right based on the characterization I have in my head in any particular story. I can look at a scene I’ve written, especially an emotional one, and sometimes it’s just not resonating with me the way I know it could or should. It’s tough not to just push through and post it as-is, but I know that would never satisfy me, even if it means a much longer turn-around time on a story or chapter update. Often I will find that I get an a-ha moment that cracks open a better understanding of why a scene isn’t working for me, but this can take time and I have to trust in this process.

Not to preach, but it’s also frustrating when something you spend a lot of time and effort on doesn’t get much in the way of comments. I see posting fic on ao3 as a sort of conversation, so when there’s mostly silence even as the hits (and hopefully kudos) tick upwards, it can feel really...disheartening to feel like you’re talking into a void. And I say this as someone who has been fortunate enough to have regular readers who DO give feedback! I think every writer understands that they need to write for themselves first and foremost, but I wish more readers understood that feedback and enthusiasm will absolutely result in MORE CONTENT! I try very hard to follow this guideline myself by supporting and commenting on everything I read as time permits.

what are your top five songs right now? I listen to a huge mix of songs & my childhood influenced me a lot. 

Some floating in my head include - 

Chris Cornell’s live cover of Nothing Compares 2U Indigo Girls - Romeo & Juliet The Decemberists - Once In My Life Tori Amos - Silent All These Years The Chicks - March March 

what are your inspirations (books, songs, other fic)? I find inspiration in a lot of things, which I think is lucky. One of my biggest is the characters themselves. I love getting deep into understanding who I think they are, what their motivations are and why they’d make certain decisions, whether in canon or in an AU. What parts of their personalities do they keep when they aren’t tortured and under trauma on the regular? What would happen if I change this one scenario in their lives? I could probably go on forever just based on these sorts of thoughts, but I do also find inspiration in simple things like tropes, or song lyrics and the lore of the show itself. Quite a lot of my ideas in my inspiration notebook have sci-fi themes too. A few of my stories have already touched on sci-fi topics, and I absolutely plan more of them because I love how creative that can be. I also love the idea of suspended belief - can I have sentient plant life from an alien planet that can mindread & communicate by projecting thoughts into characters' heads? Yes, yes I can! (I wrote this story, fyi - Flora Incognita, part of a series) 

what attracts you to Murven? what first attracted you? Hey, do you have all day? Ha! Seriously, I could talk about this until everyone wants to strangle me! I loved Raven immediately - not so much Murphy! But I really disliked Finn, so ep 1x10 when Raven finally broke up with him had me interested. In that ep, you can see that Murphy is present, awake & nearby in the Dropship and probably overhears everything Raven says. Then he gets up and looks at her to make sure she’s still sleeping before he carries out his revenge plans. I’m not kidding - that one look absolutely and completely hooked me! Murphy was still awful then but he was so much more interesting than Finn, and back then I remember thinking how I’d really like to see them interact as two stubborn, strong personalities, because no doubt sparks would fly. And then when they did interact more, their dynamic was exactly what I’d hoped for and then some! 

I love that they’ve seen each other at their worst and at their weakest and most vulnerable, yet they’ve built a strong foundation of trust, faith and understanding. They have so much in common but they’re also different sides of the coin in some ways too. Fandom talks about Bellarke being the head & the heart, but to me Raven and Murphy are the intellect & the instinct - they complement each other, provide some of the qualities that the other needs, their differences improve each other. For me, nobody gets Raven like Murphy & nobody understands Murphy like Raven. Maybe not a lot of people notice, but Raven & Murphy check in with each other a lot - Raven tends to say “I got this” but Murphy is the only person who replies to her “Do you?”. And Raven listens to Murphy’s ideas and suggestions and plans even when she’s known as the genius because she knows that he has valuable things to say. They have fun together, make each other smile and enjoy each other’s company, which is in such short supply in this show! 

I know there’s parts of fandom that don’t ship them because Murphy shot Raven in s1. I have a lot of thoughts on it and have had quite a few tumblr posts about it. This is a fictional show - it does not reflect reality. I’ve been on the fringes of fandom for a long time and I know shipping doesn’t always mean yes, I want to see this relationship in real life. For me, I think it’s absolutely fascinating that someone Raven should hate has become one of her closest and most trusted friends. That she forgave him, and we as the audience get to see this dynamic change and grow, and that Murphy has always felt guilty about it even though he was being presented as selfish and out for himself - it’s such a huge, huge part of each of their character’s journeys. This is getting rather meta, but I don’t think either of these characters would have survived this long or evolved to the extent that they each have without specifically being around each other. 

And I absolutely can not discuss my love for Raven & Murphy without mentioning the whole way these two LOOK at each other! OMG have you SEEN it?!?? How could I not ship them when they look at each other like that! LOL! Also, I want to keep talking about this but I’ll stop now because I truly could go on forever and anyone who follows me already knows I’m wordy.

BESIDES Murven, what’s your favorite ship in t100? Honestly, nothing else comes close to Murven for me, but I did like Kabby before the show just eviscerated their characters. I like the possibilities of Niytavia still. I can see why people ship Murphamy in the earlier seasons. Definitely think Echo/Roan could’ve been something intriguing. And I’ve got this weird thing going right now where I wouldn’t hate Murphy/Russheda, but admittedly that’s mostly about the aesthetic! I tried really hard to like other partners for Raven & Murphy since they’ve always been my faves, but I’ve been meh about all the possibilities except Luna as a partner for Raven or as a Luna/Raven/Murphy threesome. At some point I might write that. Otherwise I’d say I tend to like the friendships more than the ships.

what are some things you’d like to recommend? I always hesitate to recommend other stories & authors because I can’t stand the idea of people feeling left out if I forget to mention them! But I would like to say that I really and truly love my fellow Murven shippers who read & support my stories and who create content like fic and art and gifs and fanvids. I find so much inspiration in them even though sometimes I can’t get through 30 seconds of a fanvid before I have to pause it because the angst is too much for me!

Since you’re kind enough to ask me this question and maybe a few people will read this answer, please - I recommend that everyone educate themselves on social justice and climate change and Black Lives Matter and capitalism and unions and what intersectionality & solidarity truly mean! Vote like your lives depend on it because THEY DO!

ed’s note: compiled a few resources -Rebel Well: A Starter Survival Guide to Trumped America -Jacob and Al’s Intergalactic Intersectionality Adventure -Get involved in your local chapter of DSA -Join Your Local Mutual Aid Group -Keeping Yourself Safe Online In This Capitalistic Hellscape -Angela Davis’ book Are Prisons Obsolete? -Resource about defunding the police

You can find @easilydistractedbyfanfic here on Tumblr, on Twitter, and on AO3. You can also a request a fic written by her via @bellarkefic-for-blm!

[greetjk]

Ironfam Whump/Angst Fic Recs

Here is a masterlist of some of my all-time favorite whump/angst Spider-Man fics! If anyone is looking for some good reads while in quarantine, here you go! Be sure to read the tags and warnings associated with each story, because many of them have potentially triggering or sensitive subject matter. Read safe!!

CHAPTERED FICS

A Parent Apparent by happyaspie (446k+, ongoing)  

Where Tony and Peter’s relationship grows into more of a father/son relationship after an accident involving Aunt May (who lives).

Identity Theft by KitCat992 (244k+)

It's been months since the events of Civil War, and the Avengers are doing their best to remain a team, having promised to forgive and forget. Unfortunately for them, Tony Stark's latest invention has been stolen and recovering it causes tension to reappear.

Meanwhile, in Queens, Peter Parker has two main priorities on his plate — complete his midterm finals, and track down a fishbowl wearing criminal that may or may not lead him right into the hands of the Avengers.

Somehow between all of this, Spider-man's identity is revealed to the Avengers, Steve and Tony's friendship may permanently be damaged due to continued hidden secrets, and Happy struggles to buy a youth-sized casket for Peter's funeral.

Things were a lot easier when they were fighting over Bucky Barnes.

The Third Option by Uncertainty_Principle (200k+) 

Ben and May divorced before Peter’s parents died, so when Ben is murdered Peter goes into foster care. It takes just a tiny taste of superpowers for Peter to decide he doesn’t want to put up with his horrible foster father anymore—the streets are infinitely more appealing. All he wants is to be Spider-Man anyway.

So he leaves.

Simple.

Simple, that is, until Iron Man needs Spider-Man’s help. Peter isn’t about to turn down an opportunity to fight alongside Tony Freaking Stark, but he also isn’t going to let his hero know that his recruit is a fifteen-year-old homeless dropout. So they strike a deal. Peter will help Tony. In return, the mask stays on.

And that’s when things get complicated.

ever in your favor by iron_spider (153k+)

Peter startles awake when someone shakes him.

“Sorry, honey,” May says. Peter blinks a couple times and she comes into focus, her hair pulled back from her face. She’s trying not to look a certain way, but he can see it in her eyes anyway. She clears her throat, keeps talking. “But it’s…” She glances away, wets her lips. “You gotta get ready.”

He remembers what day it is, and his heart beats like a drum at someone’s execution. But he tries to put on a mask, make it all seem normal. It’s everything but, despite the fact that he’s been dealing with reaping day since he was born, between himself, Ben and May. That fear that one of them could be taken away. Sent to surefire slaughter. But now Ben is gone, taken despite never having his name drawn from a bowl, and May’s finally safe. Now Peter’s name is in there alone. The last Parker sitting on the chopping block. He doesn’t know how to be. He doesn’t know what normal is, when the Hunger Games are looming on the horizon.

I Never Knew I was Broken by GotMyInkPen (111k+, ongoing) 

Peter Parker has been living in HYDRA ever since his parents died at age four. All he can remember are the lesson's HYDRA taught him and a series of words that strike fear into his heart. The only thing driving him forward are the memories of meeting his hero The Winter Soldier when he was seven and the goal to one day be as great an assassin as him.

At age sixteen Peter finds himself tangled in the lives of the Avengers and can't help but wonder if there's more to life than what he's been told.

Tony wants to help him, no matter what.

In the Home by aloneintherain (68k+)

The Avengers have been infected, turned violent and aggressive against their will. And Peter, the only one unaffected, is trapped inside the Tower with six feral teammates.

“Natasha,” Peter says cautiously, “what happened here? Steve attacked me, and if there was ever a sign that something was wrong, it’s having the embodiment of Truth, Justice, and the American Way throw you across the room—”

Natasha comes closer, her stride controlled. Nothing necessarily out of the ordinary, but there’s something in her face, in her eyes—

Natasha lunges across the space, and slams into Peter, hard.

Promotions Aren't Always A Good Thing by Svn_f1ower (67k+) 

"When Peter was almost thirteen, May met Carter."

"Not too many months after Carter moved in, May got a promotion at work."

When May gets a new boyfriend, Peter's okay. When Carter moves in, he can deal. When May gets a promotion so she works days and Carter works nights, Peter finds it harder to deal. When Carter starts abusing him, he begins to feel crushed by the weight of it all.

Archetype by Bean_reads_fanfic (57k+)

Tony knows something is up when the research of ex-Hydra agents gets recycled in an underground Oscorp lab… what he doesn’t expect is the boy in a hospital gown sticking to the ceiling; or, how said boy proceeds to imprint on him like a baby duckling (a poor decision on his part, really). Did he mention he wasn’t intending on bringing home a kid that day?

Filling the Gaps by ironfamjam (53k+)

Tony looked at him, bold and true and utterly sincere, “Kid, I’m on your side, no matter what.”

Like most good things, it started with an accident.

Well, kinda.

This is a story about how a snarky, emotionally stunted genius became more than a mentor and how a just-trying-to-figure-it-out, doing his best superkid became the son he never had. No matter how empty our hearts are, love can always fill the gaps.

There’s a hole in my head and my words are falling out by wolfpuppypiles (30k+)

Tony’s stomach clenched into a knot at the sudden cut off of Peters' voice because he hadn’t trailed off, no his word had been strangled before a groan and crash sounded from the other side of the door.

Steve jumped in fright at the crash and Tony’s stomach curled tighter at the heavy thump of something hitting the carpet. Something like Peter.

let’s kick it by CivilBores (28k+)

Tony and Peter’s relationship becomes strained after the events of Infinity War. When a mysterious alien gas infects Peter with a strange disease, they realize they need to pull themselves together or risk losing everything.

For Pete’s Sake! by KitCat992 (26k+)

Maybe he’d feel better if he closed his eyes, just for a second. It was too dark to see anything clearly anyway, and he’d be able to concentrate better without seeing how fast the ground was coming up to meet him.

A rush of wind sent goosebumps across his skin before two strong hands gripped his shoulders tightly, keeping him upright and from nose-diving straight into the alleyway cement.

Peter snapped his eyes open, blinking a couple times to clear his vision. Everything was blurry. Was that…?

“...ice cream man!?”

how can the body die? (you tell me, everything) by madasthesea (8k+)

Tony felt panic creep up his spine. Something was occurring to him, slowly percolating in the back of his mind.

“You said the stinger got you. Is Scorpion’s stinger venomous?”

“I don’t—” Peter cut off as he groaned, the muscles in his jaw tight. “I don’t know. He upgraded—he was faster. Bigger. I—I thought I could beat him.”

beam me up, mr. chewbacca by iron_spider (6k)

“It’s 4:58 in the morning,” Karen says. “Your morning alarm is set to ring at seven. By the time you make it home, you will not have much time to sleep. Less than an hour, and that’s only if you fall asleep immediately.” Peter hums to himself, blinking blearily. “I’ll go to sleep, it’s fine.” “And you have the Macbeth report due tomorrow,” Karen says. “Two thousand words, of which you have written...six.” “Oh shit,” Peter gasps, his heart jumping in his chest. “Okay, I’m not gonna sleep.” “This is the type of event that Mr. Stark has told me to inform him about,” Karen says. “Because he is aware you wouldn’t share this type of thing with him on your own.” “Do not do that,” Peter says, shooting another web and cascading through an alleyway. “For real. For real for real. It’s fine, I got it, he doesn’t need to know, okay? He’s busy, this is—Spidey business, I got this, I’ll tell him when it’s all over. All the details. Cross my heart.”

Poison Apple by whumphoarder (5k)

“I-I think something’s wrong with me.”

Ned gives a short laugh. “Pretty sure we established that when you puked in a corn maze. You’ve got like, food poisoning or something.”

Peter shakes his head. “No, not that.” He takes a few short breaths. “Chest feels weird. Kinda hard to breathe.”

ONE-SHOTS

On sleepless roads the sleepless go by frostysunflowers (10k+)

Peter and sleep have been avoiding each other lately. Enter Tony Stark, the man with many plans.

you heal my like the light of day by searchingforstars (9k)

Peter tries to hide a stab wound and an infection-fuelled fever is never any fun. Also, it turns out that Beck is still lurking in Peter's mind much more than anyone realised.

a numb road forward by WhimsicalEthonographies (5k)

The light is bright, painfully so, but Peter can’t jerk away, he can’t do anything because his body is being crushed by something heavy but not entirely unpleasant.

“Hey, there he is,” Mr. Stark’s face appears in front of him, blocking the white light, thank God, then May’s face is next to his, blurry and hazy but it’s them and that’s nice.

“Hi, baby,” May smiles but she looks sad. So does Mr. Stark.

Cyanide? In My Shawarma? by losingmymindtonight (4k+)

Pepper convinces Tony to bring Peter along on his first dinner with the Rogue Avengers since their pardoning.

Poor Tony had thought the whole thing was a recipe for disaster before someone decided to shove some cyanide in his food.

stop, don’t start by iron_spider (3k)

“Shit shit shit.” Tony severely underestimated this guy, if this is on him, because Tony has a backup plan for every backup plan in his suit, has protocols for every misstep, every frayed wire, every glitch, and yet here he is, someone else’s weapon.

The true horror of it doesn’t set in until Tony sees Spider-Man swing by—Tony raises his own hand, aims and locks on.

“No, no!” Tony yells, panicking. “No!”

He shoots a repulsor blast, and knocks Peter out of the air.

Something the Soul Needs by blondsak (3k)

As he races closer, Tony winces at the knowledge that Peter had to have already hit the pavement-- that he was too late. But when Tony finally gets around the last corner, he sees that no-- Peter didn’t hit the pavement. Instead, the scene that greets him is somehow inconceivably worse.

Rather than landing on the cement - which would have been bad enough - Peter had landed on a fence. An old, rusting, wrought iron spiked fence.